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cryptidofthekeys · 4 years ago

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Not As Heroic As He Seems...

Gonna put a keep readin on this one, its super long but just- -walks back into the community- hey... -heads turn towards me- ...heeeyyy... lmao y’all I’m back on my bullshit, also gonna put some trigger warnings up top here jUST in case!

TWs: Death, Blood, Yandere themes, manipulation, Jackie is p sick in the head for a hero huh? and implied kidnapping but it’s actually a kidnapping, stalker themes, overall CREEPY behavior from the beloved town superhero

You were walking home from work, it had been a long day, customers here and there, some of them were particularly rude, You didn’t exactly like your job all that much, in fact you almost downright hated it, this job isn’t what you wanted to do in the first place but in this day and age money was an absolute necessity to even get to the point you needed in order to do what you had always dreamed of! You sighed and began daydreaming of what you wanted to do, you just had to keep hoping that one day you’d get your wish… For now, you needed to focus on getting home to your apartment.

Eventually after a while of walking, and of course worrying about it getting darker outside, you had reached your apartment, you let out a sigh of relief once inside… You didn’t like staying out late into the night, it wasn’t the safest and you were worried about what could happen to you out there ...Either way, it didn’t matter now, you were home and that was that. You immediately walked into your bedroom, kicked your shoes off and just flopped down onto the bed, not even bothering to change into your night clothes. You groaned into the pillow, maybe tomorrow would be better, after all… It WAS your day off, you’d have plenty of time to kick back and relax tomorrow, doing whatever you wanted, for now however you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

You suddenly jolted up and awake from your sleep, you looked over at your clock and checked the time, it was 2 AM, you didn’t understand why but you got the feeling that someone had been staring at you, even when in your dream world, you could feel the presence of someone in your room, you could FEEL they’re stare on your sleeping form… Needless to say the thoughts of that alone chilled you to your core. You slowly got up and looked around, there was nobody in your room, you looked towards your window and went over to open up the curtains, there was nobody in the window… You then sighed and closed the curtains back “Must’ve just been my imagination…” You mumbled to yourself before turning around and heading back to bed, you climbed onto it and sighed… Your eyes widened however as you looked towards the ceiling.

You were about to scream before the being floated down and gently clasped a hand over your mouth “Shh just calm down…! It’s just me…!” He half whisper-yelled, meanwhile you were confused, he released his hand from your mouth and floated down onto the ground “J...Jackieboy-Man? What are YOU doing here?” You didn’t understand, you knew who he was, he was the city’s most famous superhero, but you just didn’t know why he was here… Jackie smiled sheepishly “Sorry about… Popping in unannounced and scaring you like that, I thought you wouldn’t notice and I could just slip out... But let me explain what I’m doing here, because that does sound fuckin’ weird out of context” He chuckled a little and cleared his throat before continuing.

“So… I was just looking for a criminal I had seen outside, they were roaming outside your apartment room and I decided to check things out, when I got closer, they had like, disappeared and I was worried they had came into your room so I came to investigate but I didn’t… Wanna disturb you ...Heh, so much for that now, huh?” You blinked, well… That wasn’t so far fetched… He WAS a hero after all and you trusted him enough “It’s fine… I mean, I guess I should thank you for at least checking things out… Maybe that’s why I got the feeling someone was watching me…” Jackie looked concerned by this admission “You… felt like someone was watching you…?”

You nodded and shivered “I h a t e the feeling of someone watching me… I had the mere thought of it” You then paused before looking at Jackie “I’m… I’m worried now that… You’ve told me that…” Jackie nodded “If you’d like, I could… I could stay here with you and keep you company” His tone as he spoke sounded… Off, you couldn’t place the emotion he was feeling in his voice, maybe it was embarrassment, he panicked and continued however next “Oh jesus… That probably sounds super weird, I was just floating near your ceiling and now I’m wanting to stay here, with you, you… Aha, you probably think I’m a creep of a hero huh?” You shook your head at this “No no, it’s fine, really, you were technically just doing your job… You were looking out for me and making sure the criminals don’t like, kill me or whatever, honestly… If it’s no trouble I… I wouldn’t mind you staying with me”

Jackie grinned and beamed at this “I insist then! I don’t mind besides, it’s better to be safe than sorry, don’t want anyone hurting you or anything like that” You smiled and nodded, you figured there was really no point in trying to go back to sleep right now, so… You stayed up and decided to talk with the hero, besides it’s not exactly every day anybody just gets a chance to talk to the guy, he’s always busy! “So… I know you have the whole hero thing going for you but if you don’t mind me asking what do you do in your spare time?” Jackie shrugged “Not much really, I usually just relax until duty calls again and that’s it…” You nodded at this, you didn’t really expect that kind of answer but then again you didn’t really do much when you had spare time either… “Yeah, same… I also relax when I’m not working…” The both of you proceeded to exchange conversation for a couple of hours, you checked the time and it was 4 AM on the clock, you sighed and looked at Jackie “I… I really need to sleep… but I dunno, I’m still really worried…” Jackie nodded, he had a sympathetic look on his face “If… If you want, I can stay here until you fall asleep, and I’ll stay on guard around your house for the remainder of the night, I don’t… Really need to sleep all that much so I’ll be fine!” You smiled “I… Thank you, I appreciate that…” Jackie nodded “No problem, just doing my job ya know!”

You smiled and laid down on the bed, getting as comfy as you could as Jackie sat in one of the chairs in the room, he tried not to stare too much at you as you tried to sleep, after all, he didn’t want to be a creep… Eventually you finally managed to fall asleep, knowing Jackie was there gave you some comfort, at least nobody could hurt you now… Meanwhile Jackie himself was sitting in the chair, now that you were asleep he let his gaze fully fall onto you, he gave it a few more minutes, making sure you were fast asleep before standing up and creeping over slowly to your bed, he tried to stifle his breathing because it was getting a bit too heavy the closer he got to you… He shouldn’t be doing this, he shouldn’t be getting this close to you, after all neither of you knew each other that well so doing this was going to be creepy as all hell!

Jackie slowly lifted his shaking and eager hand, he then proceeded to slowly caress your hair, he bit his lip, and drew his hand back quickly and turned away from you, running his hands down his face, you were so… Beautiful, so amazing… He just wanted to take you away and keep you all for himself but… That wasn’t very heroic thinking of him, Jackie suddenly felt overcome with guilt, he just stroked your hair like some sort of fucking creep! What was wrong with him?! This wasn’t what a hero was supposed to do or feel, he was watching you sleep, he was caressing your hair, this was… Wrong! He sighed softly and returned to his seat, just sitting there, trying to refrain from staring at you any longer… Although he couldn’t resist it that well and his eyes always drifted back over to your sleeping form, you were so… Peaceful when you were sleeping.

Hours had gone by… Eventually you had woken up and stretched out with a yawn, you looked over and noticed Jackie was… Gone…? You saw a note in the seat he had sat in and slowly got up, you walked over and grabbed the note that read ‘Dear (Y/N)... I had to run out, duty calls at any time you know, there were no more signs of that criminal lurking about btw, but I’ll be back later on, I actually have something to ask you when I’m finished patrolling the city, sincerely your local hero: Jackieboy-Man!’ You smiled slightly, at least he had left a note behind instead of just disappearing without any notice… You put the note down and then walked off to the kitchen, getting everything ready to prepare some breakfast! Some pancakes with some bacon and eggs sounded good this morning! That’s what you’d cook up, yeah!

After fixing up your breakfast and then devouring it like a savage animal, you were ready to take on the day… You didn’t really wanna be cooped up in your apartment all day so you decided to get ready and touch up your hair, you grabbed the things you needed and headed out the door, you then got hit with a random realization ...How did Jackie know your name…? ...You never even gave it to him… … Okay, something about that unnerved you but maybe he had just heard of you somewhere? Or… Maybe he saw your name somewhere in your apartment or something, either way… You shrugged the feeling off and continued down the street, you’d head to the local shops and browse around for a while, anything to keep yourself busy after all.

You had started with the first shop and you’d go from there, you didn’t have any plans to buy anything, you just needed to leave the apartment for a while… You proceeded to browse through several of the shops around, however at some points you could’ve sworn you saw someone watching from the shadows, you had even seen a shadow at some point on one of the buildings which had weirded you out… Eventually, it was evening, around 5 PM to be more specific… You were coming out of one of the last shops, you were checking your surroundings now in worry because that feeling of being watched or stalked never left… You even jumped when your friend came up to you “Woah (Y/N)! Take it easy, it’s just me! ...Gosh, you are jumpy aren’t you?” You sighed “I’m sorry… It’s just, last night… Was weird and today has been weird too…” Your friend looked concerned “What happened?”

You sighed again “I just… Jackieboy-Man visited me last night” You had begun, your friend interrupted with pure surprise “THE Jackieboy-Man visited you?! That’s awesome! He’s like a legend around here!” You made a motion to shush them “Keep your voice down…! Yeah but like, he said it was because he saw a random stranger stalking the outside of my apartment… So he wanted to keep an eye on the place… I just, I’ve felt like someone’s been watching me all day today as well… So I’m scared” Your friend nodded “Yeah that does sound pretty scary… ...Tell ya what, I’ll go with you, I’ll walk you back to your apartment if ya want!” You looked at them “Oh no… I don’t wanna trouble yo-” Your friend cut you off and placed their hands on your shoulders “Really, I insist, I’m not gonna let my friend get mugged or killed or some shit, besides I’m not doing much anyways so c’mon, let’s go!” Your friend took you by the hand and escorted you to your apartment, keeping a check on the surroundings as they walked and conversed with you.

Meanwhile, high up in the sky… A certain hero was not happy with what he was seeing… Seeing t h e m holding y o u r hand… It made his heart ache, he was feeling anger and really he just wanted to take his aggression out on that person… He just wants to absolutely destroy th… He paused his thoughts and shook his head, no! This isn’t appropriate thinking for a hero! HE’S. SUPPOSED. TO. S A V E. LIVES… HELP PEOPLE! Not… Not hurt them… These feelings for you were overwhelming him and giving him these horrible villainous thoughts, he hated the villainous thoughts, he hated them so much…! He knew this wasn’t a normal level of love, this was sick… HE was sick… He had to be, he needed to get these thoughts out of his head… Maybe if he asked you… You’d accept him… ...If you didn’t…

Well... He was actually terrified of that more so than his own thoughts… He would be absolutely mortified if you rejected what he was going to ask you… And now his thoughts were spiraling out of control, all of the visions in his head were of you rejecting him, or calling him bad things… He’d just… Need to try and be brave, he’s usually so brave and strong but around you he just absolutely melts… He doesn't know what he’d do without you…

You and your friend were talking about the situation and a few other things, your friend of course tried to lighten the mood and cracked a few jokes here and there, and you’ll admit, some of those jokes DID make you smile a bit… Finally, the both of you reached your apartment, your friend looking at you “Ya sure you don’t want me to stay with you? You seem pretty freaked out by this whole ordeal…” You shook your head “I appreciate it, I really do but I’ll be fine… I promise, thank you for walking me home” Your friend nodded and the both of you exchanged your goodbyes before they headed home, you headed into your apartment and took a deep breath, you were so glad to be home after that off-putting day… Your paranoia and fear was just overwhelming you and honestly you’d be glad to go to bed before you remembered the note Jackie had left you, he said he had something to ask you when he finished patrolling the city, you wondered if he was still doing so… If you were being honest with yourself, it’d be nice to see him again just to take your mind off of this day.

Suddenly… As of right on cue, there was a knock at the door… You walked over and opened it and there he was… You smiled and welcomed Jackie inside, you couldn’t help but notice however… “Is something wrong Jackie…? You look… stressed and… nervous?” Jackie looked at you and sighed “I just… You read my note right?” You nodded and then he clenched his fist, not in anger really, he was just taking a deep breath, trying to get some of his stress out of his system, which this just made you grow more concerned “Would you like to sit down, I can get you something to drink if you want…” Jackie nodded and sat at the table “Just… uh, some water please, that’s all I need…” You walked over and grabbed some water from the fridge, handing him a bottle and then sitting across the table from him “So, what did you wanna tell me exactly?” You questioned, which just seemed to make him more nervous, he took a few rather LONG sips of his water, almost draining it in one sitting right then and there.

You blinked in surprise at this “Christ, Jackie… You’re going to choke on the water at this rate, just… Please, take some deep breaths and try to calm down…” You didn’t know why he was so nervous but if it was in relation to what he was going to ask you, then the question must’ve been really big and nerve wracking to say the least… You watched as he took some deep breaths and then looked you in the eyes “...(Y/N)... I have something to tell you… A-And… Just…” He paused and stood up abruptly, turning away and sighing “I can’t do this… H-Heh… So much for being the big strong hero I guess…” You got up and walked over, gently placing your hand on his shoulder which seemed to make him jump “Jackie… I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me…” You then paused, clearing your throat before continuing on…

“But… if you need more time then I understand, just please don’t over-stress about this… If you can’t tell me right now then just wait until you KNOW you’re ready… Okay?” Jackie looked at you and looked at the hand on his shoulder before sighing and taking your hand in his “...(Y/N)... I… Just… Give me a second…” You nodded and let him take a few deep breaths, you even let him keep his hold on your hand which he seemed to be looking at intently, before he looked back into your eyes “...I… I know… I know this is going to sound sudden… B-But… I… I lo… lo…” He paused, he was beginning to shake and you winced as his grip tightened on your hand, you didn’t want to interrupt but if his grip tightened anymore then your hand would probably break entirely “Jackie, uh, my hand?” The Hero seemed to finally notice and he instantly let go of your hand and watched as you rubbed at it “S-Sorry! I, shit, I didn’t mean to grip so hard, you okay?” You nodded “It’s… It’s fine, nothing’s broken” It was sweet how Jackie went from being so anxious to immediate concern over you, however after he knew you were okay he just walked on past you “I can’t do it, I just… I need to go, I’ll seeya later (Y/N)...!” You called out as he opened the door and took off “Jackie, wait!” It was too late as he was way too far into the sky to hear you.

You sighed and gently closed the door, you wanted to go after him but… You didn’t feel as if it were the best idea ...But then, you got worried, what if it was something really important? What if Jackie needed you, he might be a super-powered hero but even heroes with superpowers had their moments… You wouldn’t exactly use the term weakness but maybe he was struggling with something deep down, you wouldn’t risk this… You ran over, grabbed a flashlight and one of your little pocket knives just in case… You then flung the door open and slammed it shut behind yourself as you ran out, it was definitely darker than you would’ve hoped it to be outside already… There was no moon tonight but that didn’t matter, being out later didn’t matter, the only thing that mattered to you right now was trying to find Jackie even IF it might’ve been impossible… You didn’t care, you just needed to find him and that was it… You hurried down a few of the sidewalks, looking up towards some of the buildings in hopes that maybe he was on a roof of some kind.

After a long while of searching, you were beginning to give up hope… There were no signs of Jackie anywhere! You sighed and pressed onward anyways, continuing up the sidewalk before you heard a noise come from the alleyway, you were confused so you decided to investigate it, you headed deep into the alleyway and at the end you saw Jackie and your friend… Your friend looked scared and yet kind of angry at the same time meanwhile Jackie was just glaring at them, you came up “G-Guys? What’s going on here?” You were confused, the pair turned towards you, your friend being the first to speak up “(Y/N)! Thank g o d you’re here! This fucking bastard is-” Jackie cut them off almost instantly “I overheard them on their phone… (Y/N), they were talking shit about you! They said some fucked up shit they were planning on doing to you when I wasn’t around!” Your friend stared at Jackie in disbelief before turning back towards you and noticing the look of pure shock on your face.

You were in shock for a few moments before beginning to shake and cry, you felt as if you couldn’t even breathe… You felt like you were having an anxiety or panic attack of some kind, you couldn’t even move, your sobs suddenly echoed throughout the alleyway “Y...Yo...You?... Were you the one outside my apartment the other night? ...Are… Are you the one who was fucking stalking me today?! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN FUCKING PLANNING THIS?!” Your friend was in shock, you… actually believed Jackie over them? Speaking of him, he spoke up again “I’d say a pretty long time, I WAS coming to check up on you just to make sure you were safe with what happened the other night and all, when I saw this person following you… So I decided to step in and investigate this, that’s when I overheard their conversation on the phone” Your “friend” turned to glare at the hero before turning back to you, their expression softening, before they could speak, your sobs only got louder.

“I… I… I can’t believe this… I can’t fucking believe this…!” You shouted, glaring at your friend through tears, who just looked hurt, not as much as you did however “(Y/N)! He’s… He’s lying! I would never want to hurt you! You’re my best friend! I care about you!” Your ‘friend’ tried to reach out towards you to comfort you before suddenly they were thrown to the ground within the blink of an eye and knocked unconscious, your eyes widened in horror and you clasped a hand over your mouth, tears still rolling down your face, you could barely hide your loud sobs, even with a hand covering your mouth… Jackie looked at you, his expression as sympathetic as ever “I’m sorry (Y/N)... I only did that because they would’ve hurt you, I couldn’t take a chance of them doing something bad to you…” He spoke, you still couldn’t help but cry, this whole situation was just all too much for you to handle, you were about to just drop to the ground crying and bawling your eyes out but Jackie was there to immediately catch you as you did so, he let you cry into him for a few moments, giving you reassuring pats on the back.

After a bit, he picked you up and looked into your eyes “It’s gonna be okay (Y/N)... I promise, I’ll take care of you, forever and always… C’mon, let’s get you home…” Jackie scooped you up bridal style and gently lifted off into the sky “Just relax… I’ve got you, and I won’t fly that fast…” You nodded and buried your head into his chest, which Jackie couldn’t help but give a smile at, he loved holding you this close… Even if it were under not so good circumstances… He hated to see you cry, he hated to see you so distraught but his main focus now was getting you back home… That’s all that mattered at the moment, it took him a little bit longer than usual, not wanting to cause you anymore stress and panic, he even gave you reassuring words during the whole way home… Once he got to your apartment, he slowly kicked the door open, sighing in relief when it didn’t break off its hinges, he was so worried he was going to kick it too hard, he walked inside and kicked the door closed, he headed instantly for your bedroom and laid you down on the bed, he blinked in surprise when you refused to let go of him “Please…” You weakly muttered, your voice being so hoarse from crying “Stay with me… Please don’t leave me…”

Jackie had a look of pure adoration, he smiled “I won’t leave you… but at least, let me go get you some water, dear…” You whined but begrudgingly nodded at this, letting go of him and letting him run to get you some water, it was almost like a blur actually, he was out and then back again, a cup of water on the nightstand and then him beside you in the bed, you reached out for the water and took a few sips before setting it down and clinging back to Jackie, who couldn’t help but keep that smile plastered on his face, holding you this close to him was like Heaven… You snuggling into him made his breath hitch for a moment, however you seemed to be too tired to notice “...I’ll always be here for you (Y/N)... You know this… Right?” You gave a slow nod “...I c.. I can… I can’t believe… they would do… do some-” You let out a harsh sounding sob before Jackie shushed you “Shhh… It’s okay now… You’re safe… I won’t ever let anything bad happen to you… I’ll always be here right by your side because… (Y/N)... Look at me…”

You slowly looked at Jackie, noticing the look of… Well, you didn’t exactly know w h a t that look was… Until he gently gripped your chin “...I love you… I love you a lot…” You blinked in surprise before it hit you… THIS was what he was trying to tell you earlier surely… “Is… Is that-” Jackie cut you off “Yes, this is… what I wanted to tell you earlier ...Sorry I bolted on you like that…” You smiled at Jackie “Don’t… Don’t apologize… You were just so nervous, I understand… I… I love you too actually… And not just because you like, saved me, or whatever either…” The biggest smile crept onto Jackie’s face, it almost looked… A little creepy actually… Before tears formed in his eyes “...G-God, fuck, I just… I’m so happy you s-said that… Shit” He wiped the tears from his eyes and chuckled “I didn’t think you’d ever accept me…” You looked at Jackie and nuzzled into him closer “Jackie… You really are a lovely person… You care so much about others, you’re so kind and… Just, genuinely a good person…” Jackie stared at you for a moment, hah… A good person… He just held you as close as he possibly could and gave you a small kiss on the forehead “Let’s get some sleep, dear… It’s been a long night…” You smiled and nodded, the two of you didn’t feel like getting up, so you’d both sleep in your regular clothes…

You muttered out a small ‘I love you’ and gave him a soft smooch before slowly closing your eyes and drifting off to sleep, meanwhile Jackie was stroking and playing with your hair as you softly snored, he had a big adoring smile on his face ...You didn’t have to know the truth… You didn’t have to figure out that he lied about that entire situation with your friend… You didn’t need to know a n y of that… All you needed to know was Jackie was here for you, a l w a y s… And that he would always look after you and the most important thing of all was that he loved you very much, nothing else aside from those things mattered now… Just you and Jackie… Together…

F O R E V E R…

ALTERNATE ENDINGS: I can’t just take credit for these, my good fren Ev gave me these ideas truth be told, Idk if they'd lemme give their main tumblr account but its still proper to thank them for the endings! and if they want their presence w i l l be known :)

1: Jackie’s piss poor at trying to fucking lie his way out of shit even tho up top he was a smooth motherfucker but SHH, alternate ending. Back into the alleyway we go, annnd b o o m.

You were continuing up the sidewalk, in one of the alleyways nearby you heard a strange sound… It almost sounded like people arguing, you were curious so you decided to investigate the sounds, as you got closer to the alleyway, you recognized the voices… One voice happened to be your friend and the other voice was very clearly Jackie’s, you listened closely to what the pair were saying from a distance, the pair’s argument was getting louder and much more aggressive sounding before… “Listen, you need to stay away from (Y/N), or else it’s GOING to end badly for you… I will personally end you myself…” Jackie’s voice was low, and his tone was much darker than usual, he then muttered out “T h e y. A r e. M i n e…” Your friend then blinked in surprise “What kind of hero are you? A hero doesn’t fucking threaten someone like that, you sick fuck!” Your eyes narrowed at this and you revealed yourself to them which made Jackie’s eyes widen and your friend looked more or so relieved by your presence.

Jackie proceeded to stutter out “(Y/N!) W-W-Wh..Wha.. What are you doing here?!” His voice was shrill and in shock, your glare however did not falter as you stared at Jackie “I WAS going to come and look for you… And you know what, I’m glad I found you actually… What the HELL are you doing?!” Jackie looked panicked and his eyes were darting around “Uhhh I well… I… I… Listen, it… It’s not what it looks like I s-swear! Just let me explain… They were uhh following you around and I- I was trying to stop them you see… I just wanted to keep you safe!” You shook your head in disbelief “Fucking bullshit! You just blatantly threatened them and told them you’d basically kill them if they didn’t stay away from me, and di… Did I hear you mutter something about me being yours?!” Your nose wrinkled in disgust as he tried to come up with more lies, becoming more frantic with each second. “Look, just… It’s not THAT big of a deal, (Y/N)!” You countered with “Not a big deal my ass!”

Meanwhile your friend was becoming more uncomfortable and scared by being this close to Jackie, so they decided to slowly inch they’re way towards you in an attempt to get s o m e form of protection… Jackie noticed this and his eyes widened, something in him just snapped all of a sudden as he proceeds to deck them into the ground which made you clasp a hand over your mouth, you stared at Jackie in absolute horror as he proceeded to climb atop your friend and began pummeling them, you panicked almost immediately “J-Jackie! Stop! Please stop!” He wouldn’t stop, your friend was getting bloodier by the second which caused you to dash over and try to get him to stop, you got in his way and almost immediately you were hit, you were hit v e r y hard actually…

You stumbled and fell onto the ground, holding the injured spot, tears began forming in your eyes, Jackie noticed this instantly and he was mortified by his actions… He just hit you… It… It was an accident! He immediately got off of your friend who was either unconscious or dead at this point, you couldn’t even tell… “No… Nononono… (Y/N)! No no, don’t cry! Please don’t cry, I swear it was an accident! I didn’t mean to hit you… J...Just… C’mere… Lemme see” The moment he got closer to you, you instantly began trying to crawl away from Jackie, you unfortunately didn’t get very far, his strong hands had gently gripped around you, despite being so gentle, they were impossible to wriggle out of… He pulled you closer and began checking over the area he hit.

Jackie didn’t seem to really register that you were trying to crawl away from him… No, you couldn’t have been, you were just scared, and you had just gotten injured ...By an ACCIDENT that is… You didn’t hate him nor fear him, no, you had just gotten startled by the injury, that’s it, yeah… Your crying got worse once he pulled you into his lap, Jackie merely shushed you and began playing with your hair “Shh… Shshshshshhh… It’s okay (Y/N)... It’s all gonna be okay… I’m here for you… Just… I need to tell you something… I need to tell you how I feel…” Jackie paused, continuing to play with your hair and give you some gentle reassuring pats “...(Y/N)... I feel a certain way about you… Not a bad way I mean! Just… It’s just… You are so… Gorgeous, you are absolutely lovely in every way… You’re literally perfect… I guess… What I’m trying to say is that…” Another pause as he forced you to look him in the eyes, the look on his face… You couldn’t even begin to describe how absolutely sickening it was to see a lovestruck gaze on his face.

“...I love you… (Y/N)... I know you’re scared right now… But please… Lemme make it up to you… I promise… You’ll be okay… As long as you're here, in my arms… You will be safe, and I’ll protect you with every passing second…” Another pause before he continued on.

“...Forever and Always…”

That’s the end of the first alt ending! Second one coming right up!

SECOND ALT ENDING: Houston we have A BIG problem in the alleyway…

You had heard a strange noise echo throughout the alleyway, being curious and somewhat hopeful, you decided to investigate and hoped it’d be Jackie… However you saw a gang of people in the alley, although one of them had something particularly familiar… That item belonged to Jackie! Unfortunately before you could even get out of the alley, the group seemed to notice you and immediately ran over to grab you, you screamed and struggled against their grasp, they brought you towards the dude who you could only presume was their leader… Who grinned rather creepily at you “Well well well… Lookie what we have here, boys…” The Leader came closer to you to get a better look, meanwhile you glared at him “Wh...Why do you have t h a t?” You mentally scolded yourself for stuttering slightly.

The man rose a brow before looking at the item in his hand before he seemed to put two and two together “Ohhh so ya know who this belongs to, eh? Lemme guess, you’ve met the hero haven’t ya?” You slowly gave a nod “I was… Just looking for him, that’s all…” The Leader chuckled and threw the item towards one of his minions who surprisingly caught it “Ya know… You’re a real cutie~ And I do gotta say… Jackie has some good taste! ...For once in his life…” You flushed as the dude flirted with you, you didn’t like his flirting nor anything he was saying really, but it was the natural human reaction… You couldn’t help it… The Leader got closer and brushed a hand against your cheek “Yeah… Real cute… Ya know I was gonna just use ya to bribe Jackie… But how’s about I don’t tell him at all… How about I just have MY fun with ya? C’mon, lil hero boy don’t need to know~”

Your eyes widened in horror as the minions began dragging you further into the alleyway, you were screaming now and struggling as hard as you could against their grip, The Leader chuckled at this “Aww, your fear makes ya even cuter!” Meanwhile elsewhere… Jackie was wandering around, before he stopped dead in his tracks and his eyes widened, his gaze instantly snapped to where the sounds were coming from “That… That’s (Y/N)!” He shouted to himself mostly, not caring really if anyone heard him, he instantly took off in that direction, he swore… Whoever was hurting them was going to have absolute hell to pay… He wouldn’t let this slide so easily, nobody gets to touch you, not a single soul! Back in the alleyway, you were getting tied up and shoved against the wall.

The Leader only laughed at your screams and look of terror, he was advancing towards you before suddenly something caught his eye, at the entrance of the alleyway, there Jackie was… How the fuck did he even know or get here that fast?! The Hero called out “(Y/N)!” As he made his way towards them, The Leader immediately grabbed you and held you against himself “Not another fucking step… Or else I’ll end their life right here and now…” Jackie froze in place and stared at his rival… Yes, those were his rivals, their leader absolutely l o a t h e d Jackie and would do anything to see him suffer really. “Alright… Whatever you want, you got it, just give (Y/N) back please!” His tone was full of desperation it seemed which just made The Leader happy.

“Alright… Here’s how this is gonna work…” The Leader began making his demands known, and after stating a few of them, he gave a predatory smile towards you, he cupped your cheek suddenly “Ya know… I bet a person like you would enjoy my company over Jackie’s, wouldn’t ya? You’d LOVE to be with a guy like me and not that pathetic excuse for a he-” Before he could even continue, he was rushed by Jackie which surprised him actually, he dropped you and let you fall towards the ground and The Leader barely even had a chance to react as The Hero began to pummel him, the other members of the group looked like they were shocked but they quickly tried to step in to pry Jackie off of their leader, which didn’t help them in the slightest, Jackie easily delivered a swift punch to a few of them which sent them flying back into the wall, there was no way they could’ve survived a hit that hard.

Something about this was… Off… You stared at Jackie in absolute shock as he continued to land hits on the dude, in fact, Jackie was taking this too far… He was beginning to get coated in blood the more he hit the man who wasn’t necessarily dead yet, but if Jackie continued on he definitely would be, you could hear the man softly whimpering and actually begging Jackie to stop, but The Hero didn’t listen to his pleas, in fact he just gave him the hardest punch he could which instantly sealed the man’s fate… You flinched at the sound of the punch alone, the sickening crack you had heard following the punch wasn’t any better… But even after the man was dead, Jackie still continued on, you were crying now and you softly spoke up “J-Ja… Jackie… That’s enough…! Stop it, please…! JACKIE THAT’S ENOUGH!” You suddenly bellowed, which seemed to get Jackie’s attention, he suddenly stopped his actions and turned towards you.

You almost gagged upon seeing him properly now, he was covered in blood… His hands, his face, there was blood splattered all over him, you could see something in his stare for a brief moment before his eyes softened and they were wide as he instantly came crawling over towards you, you didn’t know why but you felt terrified… It was Jackie, but there was something about seeing the so called Hero straight up murdering someone and then being covered in blood, you couldn’t help the tears that poured out as he came over to cup your cheek “No no… Just, shh… Relax, it’s fine now… I promise, they won’t e v e r bother you again… Are you hurt? Did they hurt you?” You shook your head, you couldn’t speak, you just felt sick and terrified, you just wanted to go home really…

Jackie slowly scooped your struggling form up and carried you out of the alleyway, he took you to someplace that sounded very quiet, no sounds of the city, no sounds of people around, it was just quiet enough so you could maybe start calming down, but every time you looked at Jackie you couldn’t help but cringe… Jackie looked at you and sighed “...I’m so sorry (Y/N)... I’m sorry you had to see that… I didn’t mean to scare you…” He paused, looking at you, you were still tied up… He’d untie you later, first he had to speak… He began playing with your hair in an attempt to soothe you “When I saw that man flirting with you, when I saw him… T o u c h i n g you… I couldn’t hold anything back…” He began, clearing his throat before continuing “I just… I love you so much (Y/N)… You are amazing, so precious… So sweet... I… I’d do a n y t h i n g for you…”

Jackie continued on before you could even say anything “God… I’d just… If I had it to do all over again… I’d rip them apart… I... I... wouldn’t have ended them so easily…” His tone got darker, and while you had been crying softly, your eyes widened at Jackie’s words, this… This wasn’t right… Something IS wrong… However, Jackie continued on “I’d make sure they all suffered before meeting their ends…” As he spoke, he got more and more graphic with describing what he’d do to them which made you gag in response, some of the things he said were just awful… So bloody, so gory, so fucking v i o l e n t… And then he looked at you “And I’d always save you, I’ll always save you, even if you fucking h a t e me... Even if you hate my guts for what I’ve done” And then a pause before Jackie cupped your cheeks gently into his hands, the look on his face was absolutely horrifying… He was STILL covered in blood and now his face had a look of desperation on it.

“But… Haa…. Haha… You DON’T hate me ...R i g h t? You don’t hate me, do you (Y/N)?” Before you could even answer him, he spoke up again, his grip tightening slightly, not enough to hurt you or anything but just tight enough so you couldn’t pull away “I… I mean… Ahaha… Why WOULD you hate me? I just saved your life…! You should be grateful, wh...why are you still crying? And why are you looking at me with those fearful eyes? C’mon (Y/N)...” He paused to catch his breath before you softly spoke up “I… I… but you… You killed… You killed them, you didn’t even stop… When the guy begged you… I… I don’t… I ca-” He cut you off, you winced at how tight his grip had gotten now, his expression chilled you to your core, it still had desperate undertones underneath but his eyes were narrowed “...You’re just overreacting, that’s all, besides had I let them live they would’ve come after you again or preyed upon others in the city! I H A D to do it… There was no other way, I will NOT let them hurt you… But you know what… You're hurting me right now… (Y/N)... I RISKED my own life to save you, why aren’t you happy? Why aren’t you thanking me…?” His expression was just, well, h u r t now…

You were slowly becoming more and more scared with each passing second, each word uttered from Jackie’s mouth… However you also felt an overwhelming sense of guilt because he was right… He had literally just risked his own life to save you, and you were being s o ungrateful for it… Tears were cascading down your face and you let out a harsh sob “I… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… Y-You’re right… I… I… Th-Tha...Thank you… Jackie… I’m sorry for being rude…” Jackie had a small smile on his face now, he was slightly rocking back and forth, maybe in a way to soothe you, he held you close and began whispering into your hair “It’s okay… I know you won’t do it again… I know you love me… And I love you too…” He mumbled out, it’s alright… Jackie knew you were just being a LITTLE selfish but it’s okay because he forgives you, it’s so amazing isn’t it? That Jackie would be so kind in forgiving you… What a nice and kind superhero…

End of Second Alt Ending! Third and Finale Alt Ending: Classic Yandere Mode

It’s gonna be near when the dude was cupping your cheek n flirting with you n such!

The minions were tying you up and shoved you up against the wall as The Leader advanced towards you, there was a sound near the entrance of the alleyway, The Leader turned and scowled at the presence of Jackie “Well lookie who showed up! If it isn’t the pathetic little hero of the city!” Jackie took notice of you, your face being flushed, why were you… B L U S H I N G?! and he was beginning to see red, as he stepped closer The Leader pulled you up beside him “Not another step! Or I’ll kill them…” This made Jackie stop, something about the emotion on his face was… Off, even the group seemed to notice this but they said nothing as The Leader made his demands known to Jackie which he nodded at “As long as you give (Y/N) back, I don’t care w h a t you do…” The Leader blinked in surprise at Jackie’s tone but smirked nonetheless “Aww cute, ya must really love this one don’tcha?” Just then he cupped your face and smiled at you “C’mon sweetheart, I’m sure you’d prefer my company over his, wouldn’t ya?” You couldn’t help blushing, it was a natural human reaction even though you highly wished it wasn’t.

The Leader tried to continue flirting but suddenly, he was knocked down to the ground by a very angry looking Jackie who continued to pummel him, fists flying left and right, you meanwhile had fallen to the ground and looked on at what was unfolding before you, the minions looked… Terrified, as if they had seen a ghost… As reluctant as they may have been, they still tried to step in to pry Jackie off of their leader, Jackie didn’t take kindly to this as he snarled at them, he hit them and sent them flying back into the buildings, one minion had managed to blindside him and tackled him off of their leader who looked absolutely horrified, he was also bleeding rather heavily due to the hits, as Jackie was distracted by a few of the minions that WERE left standing and alive, the leader looked towards you for a moment but then decided it wasn’t worth it as he began desperately trying to crawl away, it was… Easier said than done with all the injuries he had just sustained.

Jackie noticed this after he finished off all the minions and both you AND the group’s leader were looking horrified at Jackie… He was covered in blood and he just had the look of pure anger on his face as he came closer to the rival who was beginning to beg “Pl-Please…! I… I’ll never bother them again, I-I-I swear! Just please… Let me go…!” Jackie snarled at the man slowly crawling away on the ground, he picked him up by his shirt collar and brought him face to face “Oh I know you won’t… Because I’m going to make sure you never even get a f u c k i n g chance…” The Leader’s eyes widened at the hero’s words, this wasn’t like him… Your eyes were wide and you shook your head “J-Ja...Jackie…! Th...Tha-That’s enough, please… They’ve had enough! They’ve learned their lesson, just please stop this…!” You begged, Jackie however then turned in your direction and glared at you and that’s when you froze in place, you had NEVER seen a glare like that on Jackie before.

Jackie threw the man into the building as hard as he could, you were pretty sure he was dead upon impact there but you weren’t going to try and go check, you yelped as Jackie came over and grabbed you, he practically dragged you out of the alley and then suddenly you were shoved back onto the ground, you were cornered against a wall by Jackie who was glaring harshly at you “How did you end up in that alleyway? How did my rival find you? And more importantly… W H Y were you blushing at h i m of all people?” There was a pause before he suddenly got louder “Why were you letting him flirt with you without yelling at him or anything?!” He shouted at you, you began crying at this, letting out harsh and loud sobs “I...I’m sorry…! I’m sorry!” You began uttering out apologies, not really because you thought you had anything to apologize for but Jackie was scaring the absolute hell out of you right now…

There was a pause from the hero for a few moments before he sat down next to you, he grabbed you gently this time and began pulling you into his lap, you struggled against this, not really wanting to be pulled into his lap, but when Jackie’s grip tightened as a warning, you immediately stopped, Jackie glanced down at you “It’s okay…” He began, his voice was gentler sounding this time instead of the anger you had heard before “As long as you make it up to me… I mean… I DID just save you after all…” You were in disbelief, and suddenly there was a streak of courage in you “I don’t have anything to apologize for! I… I… You’re a fucking sicko! There’s something WRONG with you!” You struggled against the so called hero and kept reiterating that there was something definitely wrong with him, he grunted at this and gripped your arms very tightly, this made you whimper and stop yelling almost instantly.

Jackie’s tone changed from gentle right back into something… You just couldn’t really explain… It was foreign to hear him speak like this “You O W E me now… You ARE going to make it up to me… Because my whole career could be in jeopardy because of y o u…!” There was a pause before he continued on “And because… You. Are. M I N E…” He paused, taking in your horrified expression before chuckling, this chuckle was much more darker and sinister, something that nobody would ever expect from Jackie “You’re… Mine… God, that feels s o fucking g o o d to say instead of just shoving it down my throat each time… It feels so good to say how much I TRULY love you… And I really do, I love you so much, more than can ever really be put into words… You’re so cute, so lovely… You… You are m i n e…” He repeated that, you grew pale at this and were beginning to get sick at his words.

“Th...This isn’t what love is… I… I just… I don’t… I don’t feel the same… I’m not in love with you…” You weakly stated, there was a long pause before Jackie laughed, there was a large grin almost ear-to-ear on his face, that grin terrified you more than anything else ever could… Before he spoke, his tone became MUCH darker with his next two words “...You Will…” Your eyes widened at this, Jackie merely held you tighter and those words echoed and rang out in your head for the next few minutes, it was all you could hear, there were no other thoughts coming through, just the words of ‘you will’ inside your head… You couldn’t even show disgust or anything else really as Jackie began petting and caressing you.

...A few weeks had passed on by, the city was quiet today, quieter than usual… People were walking the streets, this much was true, but nothing seemed as loud as it usually did… Suddenly a paper had flew off of one of the posts nearby and landed near someone’s feet, being curious they reached down and gently picked it up, their eyes scanned over the paper as they read aloud.

“MISSING: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PERSON? FIRST AND LAST NAME: Y/N, L/N | LAST SEEN ON 8/20/2020”

The person continued reading through the rest of the information on the paper before shivering “Damn… Hope they are found soon…” If there was anyone who could find them… It’d be the one and only Jackieboy-Man! Little did the rest of the citizens and the entire world know… Jackie didn’t have to worry about you being missing, no in fact, he got to see you with each passing day that went by… And he’d get to see you for the next weeks, months, and years as well… He’d be seeing you, and you would be seeing him, forever and always...

#jse community #jse egos #jackieboy man #reader insert #gender neutral reader #jackieboy man x reader #yandere egos #tw death #tw blood #tw manipulation #tw stalking #tw implied kidnapping but definitely a kidnapping #for a hero Jackie sure is sick in the head

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twilightvolt · 5 years ago

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Twilight Thoughts (BEASTARS Episodes 1-4 Part II)

WARNING: SPOILERS IMMINENT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO’RE DECIDING TO WAIT FOR NETFLIX TO RELEASE THE SHOW FROM PRISON. But hey, if you don’t mind, then let’s get this show on the road!

Episode 3: Inner Thoughts and Personal Secrets

Now THIS is the episode where I really felt invested in the characters. Like, there’s so many tidbits of info that I found that made me question a LOT about certain characters.

- Legoshi stopping Haru by putting a blanket over her saying that she’ll catch a cold and get bitten by the insects, while also nervously bolting out of there and slamming the door on his tail was so adorkable and gOD I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS BOI IS SO P U R E . Ngl I kinda was the same way in high school not long ago. Hell, his overall character so far is basically me in high school. And it’s crazy how much I can resonate with him, wolf problems aside.

- I think next they explained what the drama club was all about and how the auditions go. This actually gave me a huge amount of questions to consider. Like, Louis is the “perfect” leader, so of course he has something he’s hiding. But Legoshi just seemed so….normal. and they said they only accept people with unusual backgrounds. So….what’s Legoshi hiding?

- And speaking of Legoshi, I did notice he was much bigger than most of the wolves that went to the school. And the following scenes told me more things about him that went quick, but I saw it with the right fansubs considering others didn’t translate it well.

1. He says he cuts his nails, but the very next day they grow back like nothing happened? I was like “Iiiiiii don’t think wolf claws grow back that quickly.” I mean unless you’re a werewolf, but I don’t think were anything is possible in this universe.

2. It’s the first time someone treated him the way Haru just did earlier. So I guess he doesn’t know about intercourse? Or like, he does, but no one’s ever….come onto him like that? This one I might be reading wrong.

3. He notices just then that he’s happy. It makes me think he’s not used to feeling that emotion which makes me concerned.

They haven’t gone into his past at all these past 3 episodes. So literally everything about him before his second year of high school is a total mystery. Heheh, it makes me so excited to hopefully learn more in the later parts of the season.

- That scene between Louis and Legoshi was also super intriguing. As Legoshi talks to him with his hand gestures (Also something I do. Lol), it looks like he’s studying his movements. Idk why, but I guess maybe he’s watching his hands cuz his claws are uncut? like, he’s sensing the danger levels?

- He pushes him to try and bite him (Yeah, I know.) But as his fangs are coming down, I notice there’s a reflection coming off of them. So I’m not sure if Louis’ expression changes because of his herbivorous instincts kicking in to let go of him or because he sees himself and is reminded that he is in fact an herbivore and shouldn’t be doing this cuz he could get hurt. He’s also jealous that he can keep his carnivorous tendencies so suppressed apparently. So maybe all of this is just him feeling frustrated that he’s not doing what he was born to do?

- This episode’s ED i think is my favorite so far. it focuses on Legoshi’s internal struggles with his instincts. the song i think i like more than Le Zoo, the first ED, but the visuals really nail the thoughts going on in his head. or maybe this is just my inner edgelord coming through. lmao

Episode 4: Real Idiot Hours

Ok, this one was certainly the craziest one so far. I’m still reeling and i feel like this episode was not only super emotional, but also it went so damn fast that i barely could think about what was going on. Lmao

- Now, my initial thoughts about Bill were “Oh, is he gonna be the big lovable idiot? D'aww, look at him quoting Louis. He’s such a dork!”

- Legoshi still being adorable cuz he has to be on stage, but he doesn’t want to so he hides behind the board. ;w;

- He’s been in this club for 4 years? Huh….and this whole time, he was able to get by like this. As an introvert. Guess things can change pretty suddenly.

- Then my opinions on Bill quickly changed when he decides to go all out against Legoshi in their rehearsals. I was like “Hold up dude! Calm the frick down with that stick!” But then realized it was cuz they were both carnivores, so he must think he doesn’t have to hold anything back. Which I guess is understandable.

- But then he’s talking with Louis later and it just feels like his personality is so….flip floppy. Like, one minute he’s all “Hey buddy! Let’s do our best!” and the next he’s seriously hurting my boi! Oh, don’t get me started on that scene. We’ll get to that.

- Legoshi sniffs him and finds out he has a bottle of bunny blood in his pocket. I was like “Oh….O h n o . O_O’” then he says, while it’s not from a student, it was from an upperclassman….but Haru’s an upperclassman, so Legoshi gets super pissed. Understandable, but I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding.

- He says he can’t say anything since he drew blood from her too, so I was like “Why not tho? It’s not like you killed her.” But then I realized maybe telling him he drew blood in the first place would be bad, so I guess there’s that.

- Anyone else think the blood thing was a parallel to drugs?

And now we get to the second night of the play. Oh boi….w o w .

- Watching Legoshi just…..snap and start beating the crud out of Bill on stage hurt my heart. It was also a stupid move on his part, but the emotions must’ve driven him more than his rational thoughts. He did look really badass in that getup tho.

- His screaming when he really started getting into the beatdown hurt the most. Like, oh lord. You can really feel just how much he really cares about her deep down.

- Then Bill stops him and uhh…..dIGS HIS CLAWS INTO HIS BACK AND GIVES HIM A HUGE GASH. HE H U R T . MY B O I .

I do think Legoshi was overreacting. I do think he was taking it too far. But nOSEBLEEDS AND BLACK EYES CAN HEAL. SCARS CAN’T. YOU HURT HIM, YOU HURT ME, DAMMIT.

Though….after awhile of thinking about it….I remember that line he says as he’s getting scratched. That the blood that’s coming down is the same as Bill’s. A carnivore. Something that he’s trying so hard not to be. Maybe he was partly beating the hell out of him cuz of what he’s done, but also beating the hell out of himself in a way. If that makes any sense. Like, I can imagine that scene was basically him using his fists to yell at himself like “I’m not like you. I don’t wanna be like you. Shut up!”

- Louis saving him from getting even more scarred like “Oh not today, bish.” was SO badass. Quite a master at improv, I must say. he even just walked on stage without his crutches no problem. he was like “Broken leg? Hahahah, that’s cute.”

- Him giving Legoshi his hand and telling him that he’s right was interesting as well. It’s like he was saying “It’s ok. You can stop now. You did the right thing.” Like, as if he finally understands why Legoshi is who he is. this week’s ED sequence focuses on their relationship too btw.

- Also, I started bein’ like “Ooooh, he gon’ get it now.” Cuz he knew about the blood, so it looks like someone’s getting cut from the acting team in the next episode. :^)

In fact, this episode is probably gonna spawn multiple consequences for everyone involved. Bill of course cuz blood, but Legoshi might get seriously punished for what he did as well. Louis miiight get a stern talking to cuz he wasn’t supposed to be on stage, but that’ll probably be the extent of it. i mean y’all gotta remember they’re high schoolers here. i’m sure the school staff definitely won’t let this slide.

After all this, I’m still wondering why everyone wants to push Legoshi into being more carnivorous. I guess maybe it’s just something he has to learn to control rather than suppress completely? But like, why? It’s his choice to be who he wants, right? Why can’t he live in peace? but then again….this is a prime example of why he should learn. when he can’t control his emotions, he becomes extremely dangerous to not only himself, but the people around him. he could actually kill someone with his kind of strength if he’s not careful. someone smaller than Bill at least. maybe it’s not good to just push it down….

*Sigh* hoo boi, that was a lot. as you can see, this is quickly becoming one of my favorite anime. and it’s only been like, 4 episodes. if this is what it’s like NOW, i can only imagine what’s gonna happen in the rest of the season.

See you guys next week hopefully when i talk about episode 5 once that drops! ^ ^

#rambles #twilight thoughts #anime talk #did i ever talk about the show's ost?#i initially didn't pay much attention but it's actually really good #might have to look it up sometime!

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localtransdude · 5 years ago

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Keyhole Top Surgery w/ Dr. Crane

Let me just say, it went f a s t.

Consultation:

Dr. Crane was honest. He talked through the concerns my parents had, and explained the surgery options for my chest. He said I was in between for DI and keyhole and I told him keyhole since I was stealth and changed frequently in front of others. He understood and it was over. Another thing, I'm not horribly dysphoric over my chest, but I know others cant stand the sight of it, so I'll add that Dr. Crane examines really fast and you probably wont have your shirt off for more than a minute. I had 2 student doctors observing, though you can request they not be there.

Pre-op:

Dr. DeLeon who works with Dr. Crane was there and explained the medications and what not. The nurse also helped in explaining other things. Dr. Crane went in and explained the procedure. I had 1 student doctor there in observation.

Operation:

I arrived at the hospital at 5:30am for preparation. It was located across from Dr. Crane's office. They had a really nice fish tank with a fuckton of cichlids. I went in to a prep room got undressed completely and into a gown. There was a male nurse guy and he was really nice and cool, I didnt even feel him put in the IV. The anesthesiologist came in and talked to me as well as one of Dr. Crane's nurses who gave me some stuff to calm me down in my IV. Dr. Crane was busy and couldnt visit before hand, but it was fine, I didnt care much. I didnt feel nervous at all until they started wheeling me in, so I started to recite my lines from a play and I started to feel the Calm Juice by the time I got to the operating room. I barely had enough energy to move to the operating table. Next thing you know I woke up in recovery. First thing i say? "I was just saying Euripides what the hell." My nurse afterwards was not as great. She kept calling me she and not so nice to my dad either. But if I'm honest, I was high as fuck and didnt care, I was nauseous and wanted to sleep. I got wheeled to my car and was sent home.

Post op:

Again, very fast. I got to the office, and got to a room immediately (granted, I was almost late). Nurse talked to me, made sure I was good, and then the dressings came off. Man it was weird. I felt weight on my chest cause the compression had held back so much but my god I could BREATHE. They said I didnt have to wear my binder anymore but I could if I wanted to. My parents are gonna make me wear it for another week. Dr. Crane doesnt use drains for DI but does for keyhole. I got my drains removed and holy shit it was a lot. It didnt hurt, just annoying ig. The one on my left was stuck, but pulling them feels weird, and btw, I had at least 20 inches of tubing(wack I know). But alas, I shook Dr. Crane's hand, said bye to the nurses, and off i went with a new chest.

Recovery:

I know my body. That's one of the best things you can do. When I work out, I'm sore for two days and then I'm good. Same with the surgery. I was sore as shit for two days but then it was fine, just weird feelings on the incisions and drains. Specifically the left nipple and right drain. That was it really. I recovered pretty fast and this is day 4 of recovery and I'm out and about with my parents. Am I lifting and raising my arms and pulling heavy things like i was before? No, but I'm mobile. Knowing your body and knowing your surgeon are very important. Cause I knew how I heal, and Dr. Crane is a very good surgeron.

What you should know:

-oh my god pillows. Get one of those sofa pillows with the arms attached. And then get a neck pillow. You might feel uncomfortable laying flat after surgery and sleeping up may be more comfortable. Ive used my neck pillow since day 1.

-you have to pee. They just pumped you with a fuckton of fluids. You're gon a have to pee afterward. On top of that, you just got high off anesthesia. You're gonna piss yourself of you dont pee when your body says, I almost did. When nature calls, go to it.

-take it slow, it's a major surgery and your body is tryna cope with that

-LIGHT FEET. I'm a very heavy footed person, and walking like I normally did hurt. You have to be light on your feet

-Real cowboy hours. In order for me to get around easily, I was walking like a cowboy to avoid hurting my drains

-i cant really come up with much else, though I know there are better lists elsewhere lmao

Overall, I'm happy with my results. I got under the nipple keyhole and it looks great. I'd recommend Dr. Crane to any person in Texas needing surgery especially if they're under 18. The nurses are wonderful and Dr. Crane is professional and honest with his work and words.

#he speaks #ftm #transgender #trans #ftm transgender #female to male #transguy #trans man #ftm trans #trans guy #transman #transmen #top surgery #keyhole surgery #keyhole top surgery #ftm surgery #ftm top surgery

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itsjayyyy · 6 years ago

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November 3, 2018 6:54 pm

Yeah it’s been a hot minute since I last updated. and of course I’m going to write a ton, but not nearly as much as what has passed.

So yesterday (friday), before I went to class I checked the weather app to decide which jacket to wear, and saw that it was going to rain around 3pm. I only had one class, so I figured I’d go to it, then stay at the library for a while, get a mango smoothie, and see if I can get some homework done. Like, three hours into sitting there, I had still done close to no homework, rather listened to kris wu’s new album (can you believe the nerve of that guy? He really released his album on the same day as exo, and you can tell that shit was intentional like he wanted to overshadow them (and he sure did, even posted a pic of the itunes charts where his album was #1 while exo’s was #4) lmao petty af) I also started to listen to all of my music in my itunes library, starting with most played and going down. I haven’t even made a dent btw, I have like, some odd 5 whole days of music to go through. Around 4 I figured I should get heading home, so that I don’t have to face the worst of rush hour traffic. Of course, just as I’m stepping out of the library, rose texted me saying it was pouring on the west side. The clouds on campus looked troublesome, but I figured it wouldn’t be too bad.

It was. I stopped by a gas station, and as I got there it started raining. Honestly, on the drive home, the rain wasn’t my biggest problem (I’ve driven in pouring rain so often that I don’t care about getting wet any more), it was the wind. It seriously almost knocked my bike clean over. And it didn’t help that the rain impacted my engine and made it struggle to speed up properly. I really thought I might have gotten into an accident, it was that bad. But as you can see by me typing this, I’m just fine. I took a hot shower, ate dinner, then receded back to my room as always. I brought with me a cup of instant coffee (seriously, cafe bustelo instant coffee is leagues better than regular drip coffee, like what the hell.) and started a kdrama that yoongi recommended called stranger. The dramafever app has been giving me issues recently, so I decided to watch it on my laptop. But when I went to the website, it displayed a message saying they shut down like two weeks ago. Sure shows how little I use that subscription that I didn’t even notice lmao. Luckily the show was also on netflix, so I watched it there.

I didn’t even consider that maybe I shouldn’t drink coffee before bed, until like 12:30 am. I tried to go to bed around 10:30, but just couldn’t sleep no matter what. At first I thought it was because of small noises like mom doing the dishes or pulling a chair out (and it was irritating the living hell out of me- i wanted to go out there and scream that I was trying to sleep and they needed to stop making noise), but then I remembered the coffee, and how the same thing happened a few months ago. I took some cold medicine to help knock myself out, and set a second alarm just in case.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t that hard for me to wake up despite getting like 5.5 hours of sleep (I mean I did sleep in for an additional 30 mins after the first alarm, but I didn’t feel like I was dying). I left for work 15 minutes early, just in case my bike gave me any issues. I was on cash at work (UGH), which was made even worse now that we don’t get to go to MIMO. I was literally in front of a register for 7.5 hours, when usually it only used to be like 6, with the trip to MIMO accounted for (and the closing cashiers taking over). I was nonstop leaving to go to the bathroom to make up for it, though.

It’s unbelievable, the lengths to which rose will put other people above me. She mentioned that she was going to go out to the mall to buy a gift for peter’s birthday, and I asked if I could come along because peter’s my bro too and I wanted to get him a gift. But she pulled the whole “uh yeah, you can come if you want” and i was like. if you don’t want me to come, just say so. and she was like “oh you know it was just gonna be like, me and peter and I don’t want to go inviting people by myself” as if she hasn’t invited peter and paul into our hangout times before (matter of fact, there was one time when it was literally just supposed to be me and rose and she dragged peter along, peter and I began to argue, AND SHE SAID SHE DIDN”T WANT TO GET INVOLVED AND SPENT THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON HANGING WITH HIM. but hey whatever, fuck jay right?) and also as if they were hanging out as friends and not with the purpose of buying peter a gift. She also mentioned how paul was planning to finesse something (also huge pet peeve: paul needs to stop calling it “finessing,” just say you fucking stole it.) I mentioned how I seriously didn’t want to move in with paul. Like, rose peter and I all have responsibilities and bills to pay, meanwhile paul still gets spoon fed by his parents. Do I really want to risk my housing and credit score by signing a lease with some kid who hasn’t paid rent his entire life? Hell no. And yeah, the fact that he has no conscience and openly steals is a huge issue for me. Rose tried to brush it off but I kept pushing it, saying that it was a deal breaker for me. She said that “we’ve been planning to move in together for a really long time” and i’m fucking livid. Who is “we”???? Her, peter, and paul???? As if her, me and GIO didn’t plan on moving in together last year? Why does paul get precedence over me when rose and I have been planning to move out together for over a year before she even met him??? Whatever, I’m looking at clara’s lease ending soon, she said she’s looking for roommates.

I know I’ve probably said this a million times, but I hate family dinners. It’s just so damn obvious that they all want me dead. I always get the least amount of food, nobody talks to me, and nobody cares when I leave halfway through. I spilled my glass trying to put in ice, but didn’t bother to wipe it up. I just really don’t care, it’s not like I’m at the table long enough for it to bother me anyways.

Alright now I’m gonna really quickly hop over to the last update to see what I left off at. So the first thing I feel like I want to talk about (I think it’ll be better if I go from one topic to another, rather than try to do it chronologically) is heather. So I don’t remember if I wrote about this (and I’m not gonna read all my updates to find out), but one time on a friday heather and I made plans to meet up at the library. I texted her that day asking if we could instead meet at the student union (needed to stop by the atm to get rent money), and she didn’t reply (it said “delivered though). I got a call from my boss asking if I could come in early, and I was like yea sure since by then heather hadn’t even opened my message and it was about 30 mins from her next class. I walked through the breezeway, and as I walked I saw her, walking with someone else (prob a classmate) and talking, just hanging out. I dipped into the bathroom so she wouldn’t see me. She later texted me (one minute before her next class started) saying “sorry, my phone died and I just now got this message.” I guess she didn’t know that iphones tell you if the message was delivered to the other person’s phone. yeah, it does kind of hurt, that she bailed on me. it feels like I’m a second option, and if given the chance, she’d hang with other people. Since then, we met up like, once in the last month. In the last two weeks or so, I haven’t seen her at all. She just keeps saying “sorry, I’m too busy now” or “sorry, I didn’t see your message.” I asked if I could borrow her textbook for the gov exam, and she said she had a problem with the rental company and had to temporarily return it. I got a 74 on the exam, by the way. I figure maybe I just shouldn’t message her any more; if she wants to hang with me she’ll message me first.

Speaking of friends, I posted a pic on ig the other day. It’s a far away shot of me that rose took, sitting in the corner of a cafe. The caption was just “let’s get this (bread emoji)” ya know, just a dumb phrase. Anjlie liked it, and I was like... why. I looked at her profile (I unfollowed her long ago so I haven’t kept up with her feed) and she’s changed from 2014 low-saturation tumblr aesthetic to wannabe ig famous aesthetic. Also, she’s tagged this one girl in a lot of her captions. I can tell they’re friends, but it looks like the other girl doesn’t tag her back in nearly as much of her photos. Anjlie was always kind of socially anxious, it seems like she’s made one (1) friend in college that she’s completely attached herself to.

So, my motorcycle. Yeah, I changed the air filter, but it didn’t really affect it. Then I changed the spark plugs (also have to do with gas combustion), didn’t really see an improvement either (but MAN you should see these spark plugs, they’re entirely rust). I figured maybe it’s because the gas tube has a u-shaped curve in it, maybe it’s having trouble lifting the gas back up. So I changed it, and the next day when I walked back to my bike the gas had drained nearly completely onto the ground via a leak that I couldn’t find for the life of me. When I first walked up to my bike I saw some guy standing around kind of suspiciously and got worried, but then when I saw the leak he was like “is this your bike? I was calling parking services because I was concerned about the leak.” I ended up leaving my bike there for nearly a week (and took the city bus to school instead, since obvs I couldn’t drive) before I could get a tow truck called. i knew it was the carbureator by this point due to additional research, and I tried to fix it myself right there in the parking lot, but one of the screws was stripped so I took it to the mechanic and told him there was a leak because of the carbureator. one day when I took an uber home from work, I slammed my thumb in the car door and it bled so fucking bad. I cried like a bitch. It felt like I was nancy kerrigan, because my bike was going to be repaired soon but I couldn’t drive it because nail. But the bike got “fixed,” in which the mechanic said that the issue was the gas filter which was kind of weak. I was like yea I replaced the gas filter myself, but I used the same kind as before so that’s not the issue. and of course the leak didn’t go away. So I brought the bike back and was like “there’s a problem in the carbureator. please clean and rebuild it. don’t try to diagnose anything because I’ve told you before that the issue is the carbureator and you won’t listen.” he held onto the bike for a week and said “it’s the accelerator pump.” i told him to also clean the fucking carb and he finally did (for $267). I told iris and nick how I wanted to just buy a new bike and they were all “oh no that’s too expensive” as if I haven’t spent over $800 in repairs the last two months. And I didn’t even ask for advice from those people, anyways.

I did call in, for like all of my remaining usf shifts. I’m now officially ioa exclusive, as a result of my incessant bitching about how much I hate usf. And I got cross trained as a cook at cinnabon!!!!! I’ve done a shit job so far tho, I always underestimate the number of buns needed and then end up running out. Tomorrow I have a shift at cinnabon tho, so I can finally redeem myself. Next week I’m scheduled for tuesday and friday too, so I guess my availability didn’t get 100% approved. It’s okay though, one more month until the semester is over and I can change my availability again to weekends only for real for real this time. I’m also going to take up delivering for postmates. they allow motorcycles, so between classes and in the evening I’m gonna deliver. they say you can make on average 10-15 an hour, which is pretty decent considering I’m mostly going to be driving. And even though they don’t reimburse you gas money, I get 80 mpg so I think I’m good. The other day was my enrollment appointment for spring. I already had a schedule ready, just needed to press submit. but then rose was like “oh can you pls pick up peter he doesn’t have a car” and it made me 13 minutes late and all the classes I chose were full. So I had to pick a new schedule, where the first class is at 7:30 am and the last class gets out at 7:15 pm. With like, a 4-hour gap in the middle. Kill me.

I don’t think I have many other topics to cover. I submitted my second paper in english, and next week I submit the last. I bought new toothpaste the other day. still looking to move out (but now, planning to wait till like january). still depressed as shit. but hey, let’s just play it by ear.

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survivorelara · 6 years ago

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Episode #6: “"NOT ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE" - Big Z

Even though I misplayed my idol, I cannot believe that my incessant need for wanting Toby gone actually fucking worked. Like. I will be taking the credit for this one because I just fed it to my peoples and had Loris know about it and just controlled his emotional vulnerability. I would have been good without having the idol either... so wig- I fucked up on that end but WOWZA it feels good to actually lead a vote, see the vote go the way you want, and have my target argue with someone who HE thinks started this revolution. Hehehehhehee

bruh im getting major Byzantium teas right now... where my og tribe gets decimated and only two of us actually make it to the merge. right now theres only 3 of us left and just like then if only 2 of us make merge we're gonna start off as swing votes, then everyone will target us. please don't let that happen Byzantium wasn't my greatest org experience

LMAO SO DANI THINKS WE ARE DEAD TO HER BECAUSE WE BLINDSIDED HER AT THE LOUISE VOTE? poor girl. you're playing a vivor org, get over yourself. you better pray to GOD we don't lose or that you have an idol... because your ass is done otherwise. one way or another, like I said before, only 2 zosma's max are making merge lmao…

In the middle of the challenge, so this confessional will have to be brief. I can definitely WIN this challenge, but I do question if that's the best for my game. The other tribe had a unanimous 6-1 vote, so now it's an even 3-3 split over there.

If we win, it's possible that either they'll go to rocks, or one of the Revati's will flip to save themselves? (Because it's unlikely the Auva are dumb enough to flip on one-another since that'd give us majority in the merge.)

However our tribe is currently a 3-2-2 split, and while I don't THINK the two sets of two are working together, I can't eliminate the possibility that they'd gang up on us to eliminate one of us and evening the numbers for the merge.

It's difficult to say where this whole tribe will end up shaking down, but I'm hoping to avoid Tribal if I can help it. The less Tribal Councils I go to, the more options I have going into merge because I won't have necessarily hurt any feelings by voting a particular way.

Well, I crushed the challenge, scoring all 5 points on my tribe, everyone was talking about how I carried them... which already has me worried given my history of being labelled a challenge beast after only having one good challenge.

But at the very least no tribal, I'm curious if we'll be merging at 12 or if it'll be some other number. Guess I'll know soon enough, but it's nice to have a break for a bit, and I think I'm doing pretty well on bonding with others so as to better my position.

Dylan still never talks to me. So ideally he'll be gone soonish, either by us losing the next challenge or him serving as an early merge boot. But even if he sticks around I doubt it'll be a major problem.

MY HOPE, for the other tribe is to send home Drew or Roxy (preferably Drew since I know Roxy and can work with that I think), to split up that Power-Pair as Drew was a fool for spoiling that. I don't really care who goes so long as the Revati's stay, and if we DO lose

Now if I could just find a damn idol... or SOMETHING.

HELLO LITTLE MIX AND NICKI ARE COLLABING I REPREARJT HHHHHH THEYRE COLLABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack Lawrence is so nice and so pretty. I would die for Jack. I would cry for Jsck. I will climb a mountain- and I hate walking. oh thats climbing I hate that too. Jack is nice Jack is kind. I shit on the Jack haters. He is just perfect. He could do nothing and still be thebest non-lead host. (Ya AJ shuttup) Anna Jane is PERFECTION. Erik is cutie she is cutie and I love AJ n Erik. She is hot and if I was gay i'd fuck. She is good listener and perfect and beautiful andeveryone get u a friend like AJ bc she is a BIG ASS MOOD in my life like stop being so perfect thanks

Sometimes I get confused about which day we’re on, so hopefully it’s day 14 lmao. The other tribe snatched Toby & I’m not surprised. Auva didn’t just make a mistake that will hinder themselves, but it will also affect what’s left of og Zosma. The Auvacados could’ve worked with Toby to start taking down Revati, but it would seem that they’re still out for vengeance. Toby was setup to be in a swing position, of course he’s gonna feel out both sides before choosing one. Now Auva is split with 3 on each side & I don’t see any of them flipping, unless og Auva is gullible again. Drew T. didn’t trust Revati either because he wasted an idol on himself even though Toby voted in favor of him. Flops.

Kori is legitimately a godsend. He c a r r i e d Revati in the challenge by scoring all 5 points that we needed to win. He says that he focused hard & waited for the messages to pop up which mind you were separated by intervals of several minutes in the span of 4 hours. Kori is a very humble dude & tries to downplay his capabilities, but he’s the GOAT. Maybe even the shield I needed. :O

I’m not too worried about Dani at this point in time. If Revati happens to lose then she would probably be the easiest to turn people against. Everyone participated in the music video challenge while she was the only one that did not, and she has a habit of sitting out. Sam told me that she hasn’t talked to him since the day we blindsided Louise & I’ve gotten the same treatment. Since I’m “dead to her”, I think that making a move against Dani pre-merge would benefit me in the long run. This would also change everyone’s perception of Sam and I to being non-threatening come merge as we don’t have the number

tea time sisters! toby was a king but was a threat and I have to see the benefits in him going. this tribal is going to be eventful I think... because I think I’m getting votes because roxy seems to really want me gone??? but i have a plan that I think will work :))))) I tell John to vote out drew t or roxy and I say that I know he doesn’t really want to vote out drew h so I’ll settle and sacrifice for drew t. if he’s fine with voting roxy then I tell him that I think I can get drew t to vote her too, and then we can vote him out next, when in reality we’ll vote out drew h next. if he wants to vote drew t now then I tell him me and z will do it too when hopefully z will vote out roxy with me and drew t instead because roxy is trying to get one of us out. ezpz . In fact we could even vote drew h. it’s all tea. I really hope z and John are loyal to me, I think z will be, and I think I can just play with me saying I trust you to John over and over. cute!!!! I stay winning... I can’t believe that I .. actually have a plan... that’s t it’s so easy idk why I couldn’t do this before my mind is just so powerful now? also auva idol is GONE and that’s fantastic and also I got legacy bitches!!!! only 7 more bitches need to go then I can use it :)

Soooooo half of this tribe is just completely inactive during the most important hours of this game prior to tribal. It’s SO FRUSTRATING because even if I want to make some sort of strategy with them it’ll take them at least 2-3 hours to reply to me. I cannot do this for too long. The other issue is that people are sooooo hesitant to throw names out, and when you do throw a name out literally EVERYONE hears that you started it and it gets turned on you. That happened to me when I said John’s name once to Roxy last tribal. I worry it’s about to happen to Loris suggesting Roxy too. We’ll see how it plays out, if I end up dying I’ll at least go on an active note rather than an inactive one.

THERE ARE TWO HOURS UNTIL TRIBAL AND LORIS IS THE ONLY ONE HERE

Whew another tribal and everyone is like absent again!? Wow we love productivity! Trademarked by the Celestial ORG! Please, come buy some productivity!

I hope we merge soon. My goal is to make it to merge without going to tribal. Idk how my tribe would pan out, we got a few inactive asf people. I dont have an idol but I really want one . tbh I'm so glad I took my break bc I'm not focused on winning im just focused on enjoying myself and my game while it lasts and I feel like its significantly improved my game.

Okay so Loris isn't talking to me but he's talking to other people so I'm being TOLD they're going for Roxy but I don't really believe it, I think if an idol is played, I'm dying courtesy of him and Z. Just gotta keep the faith in my people tbh

We doin big z vut doing loris kihhtve been better cause of her connections vut my nothing much I can do. I dint Rlly like the mrtge we r hesding into we r hella in minority

sometimes i forget im playing a org because all we do is win oh i got an idol btw hihihi

Honestly I am happy Toby went. HE WAS A BITCH! He wanted me out the the first round. Now to get Sam and Ciere out next. Expect Tea motherfuckers. Anyways, literally I have not talked a lot. I have gotten to know Kori. He is a shady fuck, I know that from past experience but I need him. I talked to Emma or Emmy or whatever the fuck her name is too. She seems really sweet.

ok so I think me and Ci'ere are bonding, which wow I never imagined that I would have a social game. I still haven't messaged Dani or Kori which is something I should do. The fact that they haven't messaged me, coupled with the fact that I'm alone on this tribe cements the fact that I am the obvious vote. Brb let me try to make connections.

SO we lost again, and my broken phone prevented me from participating in the challenge. Looking at this based on the challenge I should be leaving, buuuut I am going to be voting big Z out tonight, and because the auvas don't want rocks, they are going to do what I want. I have wanted this guy out from a game standpoint from the very beginning, but once you throw my name out there it's very hard to get back on my good side. Loris is going to be annoyed with me I am sure, he was trying to manipulate the situation between us but I could see right through the whole thing. I had a call with Roxy and she made an alliance with us and the two drews. She seemed to be worried that I would want to stick with loris and Z but I knew immediately what I wanted to do. I am really hoping that a merge will happen next, and that this move will not deeply affect me right away.

Big Z is voted out 4-2.

#episode #flyinghigh

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