#bruce get ur mans

[mishy-mashy]

Shh.. Do not disturb.. they are sleeping....

[girluimfailing]

Continuing my post abt Damian going back in time and meeting Talia but it's YOUNG ADULT Talia who rants about how Bruce is the love of her life and how he'll help her escape from her father's clutches and finally help her live a normal life away from being her father's weapon FULLY KNOWING HIS PARENT AREN'T TOGETHER BECAUSE THEY BROKE UP AFTER HE WAS BORN AND SHE COULD NEVER FULLY ACHIEVE LEAVING RA'S AL GHUL AND THE LEAGUE OF ASSASSINS AND NEVER BECAME A DOCTOR BECAUSE OF HIMMMMMMM

[damianbugs]

hey yeah sure come in to my room just step over the strange came-from-completely nowhere au (bruce is taken in by carmine falcone following his parents death) and ignore this new, distressingly similar yet also random au (jason is taken in by two-face following willis' murder). we are very normal here

[frogaroundandfindout]

“Only I had never confronted what was wrong so I screwed up what I had…and then later on I screwed up again.”

Dick tells the vigilante what happened with Liu and the titans. Vigilante kinks him down and tells dick to get over Liu before she kills him (Nightwing Vol.2 #137)

[nofacednerd]

I know everyone is giving their two cents on batman appearing in mawsm right now, but honestly I think it would be funny if, like, in season 2 (definitely not season 1 I think that should focus entirely on the main trio before introducing other dc characters like kara and such) I think that I would want One (1) World’s Finest episode except batman doesn’t even show up, it’s just Bruce Wayne showing up consistently in the B plot while the Daily Planet Intern Gang are running around getting into shenanigans. I want it to be implied that he’s Batman, and maybe Jimmy throws out a conspiracy theory that he is Batman, but everyone shoots it down because Jimmy’s theories are only somewhat right like 10% of the time anyway.

[starlooove]

I alluded to this in tags awhile ago but like. IK continuity doesn’t work this way and when things shifted from kooky and silly 40s stuff with psas scattered to like dark brooding whatever we’re supposed to take it as like either time passing with some hand waving to personalities or ‘it was always like this for them trust’ but thinking about dick specifically going from holy galloping grasshoppers Batman to dealing with Bruce in spyral and shit is so so so sad I can’t articulate it well rn but like everyone kinda agrees the shift happened after two face and jason but like no dick saw it all he saw it while it happened he saw Bruce taking tim to baseball games and then gaslighting him at 16 he saw the man who’d take care of a random baby on the fly threaten to send his youngest son back to the league he saw the man who helped usher in a new era of young heroes treat Steph like shit he saw the man who inspired hope for a future in civilians heroes and enemies alike take advantage of cass’ suicidal thoughts and separation from her own humanity he saw everything and he just has to. Deal. To everyone else this is just Bruce and ppl like Tim and cass justify it to an extent bc they love him and get exasperated and when Dick is angry but how couldn’t Dick be angry? That’s his dad and he’s being so fucking mean and idk I’m rambling

[cleromancy]

dick stans who feel threatened by like. literally any other dc character than bruce are so goofy like... you dont need to. i promise you dont need to. youre biting your nails anxious defensive staring at the 2nd-3rd horses lagging halfway down the track in a race your guy's *already won*. like please be serious

[himejoshiangels]

u ever read a fic that has u like: this time I'm really gonna do it

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

deep enough into DC lore to constantly get shipping memes on my feeds featuring an emo or goth, and a guy with the crest of El, shallow enough not to know *which* Superman/boy/son and batfam member are being shipped

[dukeofthomas]

I'm so done with all these fics n shit tagged 'good dad bruce wayne' having bruce yelling at his kids. Like they'll just casually joke abt hour-long lectures or screming matches and treat yelling at your children as the better, healthier, good-parent version of hitting them.

No i actually don't think parents should yell at their kids. I can not actually think of a single situation where this is the best course of action after a bad situation.

[martyrbat]

surprise! surprise! — batman family #11

(ID below cut!)

[ID: Commissioner Gordon walking out of the G.C.P.D. in a green coat and hat on a beautiful sunny day! The narration guides: ‘February 19th, 1:30 P.M. — a surprisingly early time for Police Commissioner James W. Gordon to be quitting work for the day! Even more surprising — look who is waiting to pick up the commissioner... Alfred Pennyworth! Which segues into our next surprise — the first co-starring roles of the dauntless duo: Commissioner Gordon and Batman's Butler Alfred! Curiouser and curiouser, as Alice once said, and you can bet what transpires in these pages will be a... “Surprise! Surprise!”’ Gordon greets Alfred and enters a blue car as the butler starts to drive them. He checks, “Everything going smoothly, Alfred?” Alfred reassures the commissioner, “Like clockwork, sir! Master Bruce has an appointment with a dear old friend of his. He'll not miss me!”

The narration reads: ‘Guides on the tour bus through the area call this “stately Wayne Manor” — but despite its immaculate appearance and fine upkeep there is nobody living there... which partially explains the elaborate safety precautions its owner has taken...’ Alfred parks outside the imperial manor and proceeds to undo three keyed locks, Commisoner Gordon noting, “Bruce certainly keeps this place locked up tight!” Alfred politely dismisses, “The master maintains a superior security system to protect his property, sir! As you undoubtedly know, the crime-rate is frighteningly high in this area!

Alfred holds open the front door and beckons Gordon, “Here we are! After you, commissioner!” Gordon walks in but requests, “Thanks, Alfred — but since we're partners in this, can't you stop playing the man-servant?” Alfred draws back in surprise at being politely reprimanded. “Oh... uh, sorry, sir! It's my upbringing, you understand. My parents were in service before me.”

‘And shortly, as the ‘partners’ begin...’ Alfred and Gordon are starting to hang up a large, magenta pink banner that says ‘happy birthday Bruce’! Alfred tells him, “This surprise birthday party for Master Bruce is a top-flight idea, commissioner! ” Gordon is climbing up a ladder, now with his coat off and wearing a tucked in, light blue button down shirt and black tie. He responds, “Considering all the aid he's given me and my department over the years — it's the least I could do as a friend! Now, what say we hang the banner on this wall?” But Alfred internally frets! ‘Good grief! The secret elevator to the Batcave is behind that wall! If the commissioner were to accidentally trigger the sliding panel—’

He suggests, “Begging your pardon, sir! May I suggest it would hang much better over here—?” Gordon agrees, saying that Alfred knows best. Although, he's shown to be secretly suspicious at Alfred's nervous mannerisms. They hang the banter and Gordon chimes, “Not a bad job for two old goats, eh, Alfred? Now I must call the airport and see if Kathy Kane's flight will be on time — may I?” He reaches for a rotary phone and Alfred responds, albeit completely dubiously, “Why... er... of course, sir! All the phones are in working order! I shall be in the kitchen, preparing the hors d'oeuvres!”

However Batman's butler never makes it to the kitchen! He spies on Gordon from around the corner of a wall and thinks, ‘The unmarked button on that telephone is Batman's hot line to the commissioner's office! A capable detective like himself will be intrigued by the signal it gives off if he hits that button!’ Meanwhile Gordon contemplates to himself, ‘Wonder why Alfred's so uptight—? 'course, it could be the surprise party — and yet... Hmmm... An unmarked line — what?!’ Gordon hits the unmarked button again and again (and again) until it loudly beeps! Alfred thinks to himself, ‘This is a sticky wicket! I've got to think like The Batman — to keep the commissioner from stumbling onto the master's identity or this really will be a surprise party!’

He slips behind the grandfather's clock that secretly leads to the Batcave! And though he is not the quick-change artist that The Batman is — only scant seconds tick off until he emerges in a dark sweater, green pants, and boots. He has a dark beanie on and a bandana over his lower face to disguise himself as a burglar. He plots, ‘Now to keep the commissioner occupied — with a merry chase!’ as Gordon starts to look at the wall from earlier. He thinks, ‘I'd never snoop around like this if anyone were here — but Alfred acted so awfully strange about this wall—’ but before he can investigate any futher, Alfred bursts out of no where in his burglar costume! The commissioner shouts, “Freeze, mister! What are you doing here? Stop — in the name of the law!’ He internally chides himself, ‘Hmmph! Never thought I'd hear myself talking like one of those tv-lawmen!’

Gordon muses that he's glad he kept in good shape since it won't be easy chasing that prowler before tackling the supposed burglar! In reality, Alfred ends up hitting his head! Gordon thinks, ‘How about that! I've still got the old oomph!’ before having his self esteem crushed by being kicked in the head by Alfred. The butler scrambles to get on his feet to escape before Gordon can unmask him and reflects that, evidently, this wasn't as good as a five second plan as he initially thought it would be. He flees from the backdoor to lure Gordon outdoors! The commissioner thinks, ‘Sure wish I still carried my service revolver! A warning shot might convince him to surrender!’ but starts chasing the burglar on foot anyways! They disappear through the woods and eventually, Gordon has to condemn himself for losing trail of him and how the Batman would never make a similar error.

But at last, both men return to the manor. Alfred pants as he leans against the grandfather clock and reflects, ‘I'm not a youngster anymore! But luckily, I made my way to the Batmobile exit from the Batcave — and got back here before the commissioner! And speaking of the devil...’ He straightens up and greets, “Ah, commissioner! Been out looking over the grounds?” Gordon corrects him, “Chasing a burglar, Alfred — but he got away!” Alfred forges frightened shock! “A burglar? Good gracious I'd best check the silver!” Gordon reassures him, “Don't bother! I ‘surprised’ him before he could rip off anything!”

Alfred awkwardly suggests, “Should I... er... call the police?” But a panel pointedly shows Commissioner Gordon noticing Alfred's change in footwear and that it's the same shoe that kicked him earlier. He shuts down the idea, “No...It'd be a waste of time! That's one burglar I doubt we'll ever see again!” But before Alfred can clumsily get out of the situation, a voice calls out and thankfully interrupts them!

“Hello — anybody home?” Alfred rushes to greet the new guest, “Master Dick — and Miss. Lori!” Dick Grayson smiles as he carries a present wrapped in pink paper and a matching and a paper bag! He asks, “How are things going? It's almost time for the other guests to arrive.” Before Alfred can answer, Dick eagerly continues, “I brought some more decorations — so let's get this show on the road!” Lori volunteers to help Alfred in the kitchen!

At 6:30 P.M. a shiny red sports car pulls in front of the manor! In it, Bruce Wayne and news photographer Vicki Vale Powers step out! Bruce is wearing a black turtleneck as Vicki is in a two piece pink dress and matching jacket. He charmingly offers his hand to help her out of the luxurious car and suavely asks her, “What's your husband going to say when he finds out you came to this big, dark house alone with me — your ex-boyfriend?” She reassures him, “It's one of the hazards of the job, Bruce! Besides, I need the pictures tonight for my photo-feature on the ‘stately homes of Gotham’!

Bruce escorts her inside while helping her out of her jacket. He starts to tell her, “I sure hope what you shoot is worth the—” but his shameless flirting is cut short by the reveal of a room filled with guest! They shout surprise and start to sing happy birthday to him as Vicki proceeds to introduce Bruce to her husband, Tom Powers. He tells Bruce he's glad to ‘know’ him before Vicki continues to talk, “Bruce, I was hoping a special friend of yours would be here — The Batman!” But before Bruce can respond, Gordon speaks up! “Don't let it bother you, Vicki! The Batman is here — in spirit! Right, Bruce? Dick? Alfred?” He looks at Alfred as he talks as the three men stare at him in shocked silence!

END ID]

[spider-man-2o99]

(trembling on the floor, foaming at the mouth, trying very hard to sound Normal): this fanfiction from 2003 stopped updating before it was able to deliver on its promises of vivisecting my favorite fictional guy like a science frog . i am blowing up the hostages

[autisticcassandracain]

Reading Blue Beetle: Graduation Day and I have to ask. Since when does Jaime listen to the Justice League.

[noassamoas]

headcanon that alfred does not know what to get bruce for his birthday anymore, the man literally basically has everything. So, whenever he finds something that Bruce has lost, he hold onto it, and gifts it back. Everytime, Bruce is like “omg alfred, where did you find this?? Its been missing forever thank you ur the best”

nobody says anything whether they figure it out or not

[starlooove]

“Rich white boy when he’s a thousand other things” what is he that negates the traits listed. Quickly.

[muirneach]

neighbour sent me a live in camp counsellor job… i was debating if i wanted to do camp work this summer at my local park but like. this could be so fun. because i would have a specialty and id either go for nature or art which i think would be way better than what my job would be at the park which is just standard day camp like i dont think i would be that good at watching kids all day every day but maybe if i was doing a specialty program it would be easier yknow