#brought to you by the fact that i realize i have reblogged 5 things today and 4 were from 2005 or early

[hondagirll]

Sometimes I feel like everyone on here is posting stuff from all these incredible and fun looking currently airing tv shows and movies that I keep saying I will one day watch. Meanwhile I keep reaching for my comfort shows from the early 2000's like I'm in some kind of self imposed time warp and don't know how to stop

[rorywritesjunk]

I can’t tell where the journey will end But I know where to start

Prequel to my Kid Buggy fic, set about 11-ish years before that story.

Buggy meets you by chance when he needs his buttons sewn back onto his jacket. He’s young, up and coming, and he thinks everyone should cower before him wherever he goes, but all you do is smile at him.

Rating: PG-13ish just for some swearing. Warning: Buggy’s in his early 20s. He’s an asshole. He just is because I wanted to write him loud, demanding, everything. Also, I'm not nice to Buggy when he tries to flirt. I definitely write him as a bit of a disaster when it happens. It's just going to get a bit worse from here. There's a storm mentioned in this chapter and a love confession. A/N: I have no idea when Buggy became a Captain, so he’s a fresh faced captain in this. No clue how long this fic will be. A shoutout to @lavalampskyy for telling me about the song "Warm" by Montcrieff because that song definitely influenced me to actually write this chapter and rework some things, so thank you friend! I've listened to it way too much in the last 24 hours.

Title comes from “Wake Me Up” by Avicii.

TAGLIST: @lostfirefly @ane5e @kingofthemfingpirates @the-angriest-angel @tiredemomama @valen-yamyam16 @i-reblog-fics-i-like @plethora-of-fickleness @uhnanix Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13 + Chapter 14 + Chapter 15 + Chapter 16 + Chapter 17 + Chapter 18 + Epilogue

Chapter 9

Buggy realized he was truly in love with you when you hugged him that day but he didn’t say anything, not yet. He wanted it to be perfect when he told you. He wasn’t quite ready to propose marriage yet either, and the two of you only had one date, sort of, which ended in him embarrassing himself, but the fact that you brushed off the spill and took care of him made him realize that he wanted that all the time with you. There was no one else for him after that.

He just needed the right time to tell you. 

The best time, he decided, was when he brought his coat to you once again one afternoon, a few weeks after the hug. Benji was at the counter, looking unimpressed when he saw Buggy. He looked the pirate up and down before rolling his eyes.

“What do you want now?” The teen asked, sounding bored.

“Benji.” You warned as you came from the backroom. You were trying to get him to be a little nicer to the clients. Your eyes lit up when you saw Buggy and you smiled; he straightened up and held his coat out.

“Sorry.” Benji grumbled. “How can I help you today, sir?”

“Better.” You took the coat from Buggy. “Mm, what’s wrong with it now, Buggy?”

“None of the threads holding the buttons match.” He told you as you hung it up. Benji made a face and went to look it over with you. The thread looked fine to him and he nudged you gently.

“I think he’s losing his eyesight.” He whispered as he glanced back at Buggy. “They look fine to me.”

You shook your head and chuckled. “No, no, he’s right. The shades are just different enough that it can be noticeable.” You turned back to Buggy. “Can I keep it for a few hours to work on it?”

“Only if I can take you out to dinner afterwards.” He said with a grin. You looked a little surprised by that but you smiled and nodded.

“After you pay for the services, of course.”

“I-I was going to pay!” He exclaimed, looking flustered now. “Why wouldn’t I pay?!”

“I’m teasing, of course you’ll pay.” You chuckled as you smoothed the front of the coat out. “I’ll have it ready for our date then.”

Ha! You called it a date. That was perfect. Buggy couldn’t help but feel smug as he winked at you and turned to leave the shop. He shut the door behind him, hoping you didn’t notice several of his fingers got caught in the door jamb and popped off, falling to the floor. He hastily opened the door and collected them before shutting it again. You and Benji watched the whole thing; Benji seemed a little horrified but you just shook your head.

“You’re going out with him?” Benji asked, sounding disgusted. “Why?!”

“I like him.” You told him as you went to go find some thread and a needle. “And he’s very sweet to me.”

“Lots of guys are sweet to you.” Benji pointed out as he returned to the counter. “I don’t get why you like it coming from him though.”

“He’s not like the others.” You shrugged as you set your tools down on the table and collected his jacket. “Now, I’m going to have you help with this, so you have to do it correctly, understand? You can’t mess it up on purpose because you don’t like Buggy.”

“Fine.” He grumbled as he went to help you.

~

Buggy arrived three hours later. He made sure to look his best. His face was clean, his hair was brushed, and he wore some of his best clothes to take you out. He had a bouquet of flowers for you and a basket in one hand. He felt a picnic dinner at the lake would be a good spot. He wouldn’t be an asshole this time, you could see the ducks, and he could tell you that he was in love with you and everything would be perfect. 

He entered the shop and saw Benji and Miss Pins first. They looked up at him; Benji rolled his eyes but Miss Pins looked quite amused to see him.

“So, another date?” She asked. Buggy glared at her as his face reddened.

“What if it is?” He shot back as he set the basket down. 

Miss Pins shrugged, a smirk on her face as looked him up and down. “And dressed up for it as well. You really like our Sunny, don’t you?”

“Listen, you-”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence because you came down the stairs at that moment, catching his attention. He turned to look and his eyes widened. You had a new dress on, one he hadn’t seen before, a pretty light green color with cap sleeves. It fell at mid-calf, the skirt had a nice swoosh to it, and the neckline didn’t dip down too far. There was embroidery around the hem of the skirt, colorful flowers with twisty stems and leaves. Did you make this yourself?

“Your coat is ready.” You told him as you went right past him to grab it from the back. He was just staring at you, speechless for a moment as his brain registered that you dressed nice for him. Benji waved his hand in front of Buggy’s face to get his attention while Miss Pins snapped her fingers. You came back out with it and took it off the hanger, holding it out for him. He let you put it on him, face burning bright red as you smoothed it over his shoulders. He turned around to face you and you tugged on one of the buttons. “All matching threads for you, Buggy.”

He said nothing as he slammed the payment onto the counter and then held the bouquet out to you. Words were escaping him right then because he didn’t know what to say to you. You took the bouquet from him and kissed his cheek before taking them to the backroom to find them a vase.

“Why isn’t he saying anything?” Benji whispered to Miss Pins. She shrugged.

“No clue.”

“S-Shut it, you two!” Buggy managed to hiss as he glared at them. “I’m fine!”

“Are you though?” Benji grinned. Before Buggy could respond you came back out, setting the vase on the table. He picked the basket up and held his hand out to you, which you took before he led you out of the shop and down the road. 

~

Buggy didn’t want to jinx it because so far everything was going perfectly. He had put a blanket down, pulled the food out (something he got from the little cafe you had your first date at), and he even had a bag of seed for you to throw to the ducks. He still didn’t quite get the enjoyment in that, but if it meant seeing how your eyes lit up and the little squeals of joy you emitted every time one quacked at you, then he would make sure to always bring you a giant bag of seeds for the ducks. 

It was perfect until clouds started to roll in. Buggy tried to ignore them, hoping they would just move along to somewhere else so the two of you could keep enjoying the nice weather. 

He cleared his throat and took your hand in his. “I… have something to say.”

“Okay.” You turned to look at him, giving his hand a squeeze. “What is it?”

There was a rumbling of thunder in the distance. No, no, it needed to wait until he could tell you. 

“Sunny, I’m in lo-”

The clouds opened up and the rain came down, catching the two of you by surprise. You gathered everything into the basket before grabbing his hand and dragging him over to a nearby structure to get out of the wet. You couldn’t help but laugh at the sudden downpour but Buggy didn’t find it funny.

“Why is it every time I try…” He grumbled as he crossed his arms, glaring outwards. You didn’t hear him as you walked over to him, tapping him on the shoulder. He turned to look at you, still glaring, but you weren’t bothered by it.

“What were you about to say to me before the downpour?” You asked. 

He hesitated. If he said anything else something could happen, like a flash flood or the structure collapsing. And if he said it, how would you react to it? He was in love with you but what if you weren’t in love with him? What if you just laughed at him, patted him on the cheek and sent him on his way? He was starting to wonder if you were just tolerating him at this point.

“I didn’t…” He hesitated, maybe this was a bad idea.

You frowned as you pulled him into a hug. He allowed this, letting his head rest on your shoulder as you pressed a kiss to his temple. This is what he wanted. He just wanted to be in your arms forever and if he wanted that he needed to tell you how he felt before someone else came along and you decided they were better for you. 

The two of you stayed like that for a moment before Buggy finally spoke. 

“I’m in love with you.” He mumbled against your shoulder. You didn’t quite catch that and pulled back from him. 

“Can you repeat that?” You asked kindly. “I didn’t understand.”

He lifted his head off your shoulder and quickly said, “Iminlovewithyou.”

“I… didn’t understand that, Buggy.” You told him, smiling as you shook your head. “Can you say it again?”

He hated that he was hesitant. This was supposed to be some grand proclamation he was about to make, but given his track record of trying to do anything for you, he was convinced something horrible was about to happen. Lightning could strike him before he could speak, or that stupid handsome swordsman would appear and take you away, or what if the ducks suddenly attacked him? 

You touched his cheek, snapping him back to his senses. “Buggy?”

It had to be now or never, ducks be damned. 

He took both of your hands in his and took a deep breath. “I’m in love with you.”

There, he said it. 

Lightning didn’t strike either of you. No one else showed up to take you away from him. And he glanced over your shoulder to see the ducks still in the lake, not charging toward him in an angry horde. You, however, were quiet. That was starting to worry him, but he had to deal with this. You probably didn’t feel the same way. It was stupid of him to even think you would. He let go of your hands, trying to think of a joke to get him out of this now because why would you ever want someone like him? He just needed to tell you he was kidding, that it wasn’t true, just wanted to see what you’d do, but before he could do anything, you grabbed the front of his coat and pulled him close, leaning up to kiss him.

He stiffened, not expecting that reaction. He expected you to push him away, telling him to stop making jokes, that you didn’t feel the same way. Those scenarios played through in his head as you kissed him, not letting him leave yet. Were you waiting to tell him to leave you alone, that you didn’t want to see him ever again after this?

When you finally pulled back from the kiss, you still held onto the front of his coat, not letting him bolt. Your cheeks were pink, you were smiling up at him, and he didn’t know what to make of the twinkle in your eye. He was just waiting for the inevitable.

“I like you a lot, Buggy.” You told him. “And I’m starting to fall in love with you.” There was a crack of thunder nearby and you laughed. “Let’s go back to the shop before we get washed away. I’ll make you a hot drink.”

He nodded fast, head almost dislodging from his body at the speed of the movement. You were starting to fall in love, that meant you were going to eventually. That was better than what he was anticipating happening.

[enigmaticexplorer]

Hello, Alli! I'm dropping in for your End of "I Yearn, and So I Fear" celebration!

I'm going to be excited to see how it ends, but it's going to leave a hole in my world for a while. I've really grown to look forward to Thursdays. I think about it now and then during the first part of the week...what day is it? Is tomorrow Thursday? No...today is just Tuesday, there will be one more day. But on Wednesday nights when I remember there will be a new chapter in less than 12 hours, I get so excited (or nervous sometimes.) I've become so immersed in this story, I know I'm going to ugly cry when it's actually over. I'm already preparing myself.

Every other Thursday I have therapy. When I get to the parking lot, I'll check on my phone and see if the new chapter has been posted, and if it has, I'll read as much as I can before I have to go in. If it's not posted yet, I know it will be by the time I'm done. I hurry out afterwards and even though I'm heading onto work, I take the time to either finish what I'd started earlier or read the whole thing, if it hadn't been posted before.

And then I'll either cry or be happy, depending on what happens. It affects me that much. Then when I'm at work, I'll quickly go to a Discord server I belong to and post about the new chapter, because there are 2 other people on there who are currently reading it. And we talk about it. All 3 of us read it as soon as we possibly can.

I have so many favorite parts, it's hard to pick just one but one of my favorites is in Chapter XI when Kazi, Neyti, and Wolffe go to the Marketplace together. The whole trip was amazing...

The way Wolffe took hold of Kazi's arm and then did the Mr. Darcy hand flex.

The 3 of them eating citrus-stars together.

Wolffe telling the jerk in the alley to fuck off so that he wouldn't bother Kazi and Neyti anymore.

The fact that Kazi actually laughed hard when the monkeys were harrassing Wolffe.

The whole scene at the lingerie stall that then led to an actual genuine grin from Wolffe, and Kazi noticed.

It was amazing and I lost count how many times I went back to read it.

Thanks again for writing this fic and sharing it with us. I know it was so much work, but I hope you realize how much pleasure it's brought us.

Carol (@clonethirstingisreal)

I Yearn and so I Fear Fic Celebration

Hi Carol :)

Thank you so much for sharing this! I've said it before, but I don't think I can emphasize how much this means to mean, to know that you look forward to Thursdays and get excited to read this story. It's reassuring to know that all the time I spent on it wasn't wasted, and I'm so, so grateful that you and others have been along for this ride, and that you're sharing your thoughts with me!

Chapter XI is one of my top 5 chapters! I'm giddy thinking that you loved it as much, too! Each of the reasons you pointed out are my reasons for liking it; I just loved Wolffe grinning (the first time in the fic) and the easiness in which him, Kazi, and Neyti fall into together!

As always, thank you for reading and taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I know I've fallen off on the comments/reblogs on the most recent chapters, but each comment reminds me why I wrote this story, and I really appreciate you!

[honey-milk-depresso]

Meanie (Azul Ashengrotto x Reader) 8

Part 1,

part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8 (END)

The final chapter. Congratulations for surviving this long with my bullshit-

“Everyone, please place the flower we have given you in their coffin.”

The sunlight was shining brightly in the early morning of NRC’s campus, 

but no happiness was to be found.

Just yesterday, you have died.

And it took a moment for Azul to realize that you were truly gone.

Everyone in NRC lined up in a single file to pay their final respects to you, one by one placing their flower in your coffin.

When it came to Azul’s turn, he had to hold himself from crying. He felt as if you were watching him. If he cried, you’ll cry too, and he doesn’t want you to fully leave this world with sadness and guilt.

He looked at you. Even if you’re dead, you looked as beautiful as ever.

He grabbed your cold hands, and placed the flower in the middle of your chest, before he gently used your hands to cover the flower, as if you are holding it.

“I love you,” he whispered, “I hope you go to a safe place.” And he walked away.

=============================================================

Azul walked back to Octavinelle with Jade and Floyd. They were silent. Yes, even Floyd stayed quiet.

The atmosphere was solemn.

Azul was solemn.

Never in his life have he came across death, let alone, someone he hold close to.

He used to love before.

He went back to his office alone and tilted his head up. Jade and Floyd went back to their rooms.

He’s not crying. He won’t cry for you.

Read it.

He heard something whisper.

“What..?”

The notebook.

He glanced to his right, the notebook labelled “ To Azul Ashengrotto”.

“Read it after they die,” Trey’s words echoed in his head as he recalls.

He grabbed the book.

To Azul Ashengrotto.

He stared at it, hesitantly flipping to the first page.

“I’m rewriting this from the accounts of Y/n, Azul. She asked for it. I hope you’re reading this.

- Trey Clover”

So Trey wrote this book for you to him.

“Azul and I were chilling at Monstro Lounge in the VIP room.

Lmao, he was soooo unlucky with his pulls, and had to answer all my questions and stuff. Apparently he thinks Idia is more handsome than Jade. Ooh~ 

I really loved the fact he wanted to spend time with me although he looks so done. I really appreciate it!”

He snorted. That was so you.

“Azul and I hanged out at the Rose Kingdom. I’m so glad Headmaster allowed me to hang out with him! Sometimes I feel like Headmaster is a dad. 

I had so much fun! Though, it’s kinda embarrassing that Azul spoilt me with so many gifts, and all I did was drag him around. I love the octopus plushie he won for me. It’s so chubby, soft and cute, just like him! 

He also bought me food from Trey’s awesome family bakery, and a really expensive pendent. I feel guilty, but I love it! It’s so pretty!”

He sighed. Really? Chubby?

“Headmaster told me I’m going to die in five months time. I’m really scared. I know I’ve joked about I feel like dying cuz of Professor Crewel’s homework, now facing with death, it feels really scary.

I have to tell everyone right? Headmaster told me he’ll tell my friends, that includes Azul. How would he feel? I don’t want him to feel sad..”

He flipped to the next page.

“Azul, Jade and Floyd came to visit me. Actually EVERYONE did! Even Leona and Idia! Can you believe it?? But I was so happy that Azul and the tweels came.

I rubbed my eyes so hard because I didn’t want them to see me cry. I was just so happy to see them!”

“Trey told me something. Well, an offered to do something for me. 

He knew I had a superrrr big crush on Azul, and he said I should tell him. I was so embarrassed at first, but I’m going to die soon, so I have to confess sooner or later right? 

He told me he’ll write a whole record of me of what I want to tell him, and then I can give it for him to read after I die.

Sounds like a good idea, but also kind of cruel. After I die????

What should I do?”

So that’s what you were talking about with him.

“I got to be discharged!

FINALLY OH MY SEVENSSSSS-

I CAN GET FRESH AIR BEFORE I DIE

DO YOU KNOW HOW BORING IT IS TO BE CHAINED TO A BED, DOING NOTHING UNTIL SOMEONE COMES TO VISIT???

PROFESSOR TREIN’S CLASS IS WAY BETTER-

Azul brought me around the entire campus, and to Octavinelle! And we played UNO! Although I lost a lot... But I’m happy I got to spend time with him and see everyone outside of the infirmary! ^^”

“I went to NRC’s Halloween Celebration!

IT. WAS. SO. COOL!!

There were like flying decorations and good food,

I got to see NRC become so lively and colorful! It was amazing!

Also I got to hang out with Azul and the tweels, and of course, everyone else!

I even got to be part of all the scaring and stuff at the Octavinelle’s scare house! heheheh~ 

I love the big finale, I wish it could last forever.”

“I made up my mind. 

I’m gonna ask Trey to help me write that book. I want Azul to have a piece of me even when I’m gone. I won’t leave him alone, and I’ll do everything in my power to do so.

If Trey is giving me the opportunity to do so, I’ll take it! Though, I should’ve done it from the beginning..”

“Azul kissed me. 

Oh my shit-

MMM I SHOULDN’T HAVE DRANK THE PLUM WINE HE GAVE ME BEFORE WE KISSED, I PROBABLY SMELT BAD-

BUT HE SAID HE LIKES IT??? WAS IT A GOOD CALL I DON’T KNOW-

But... I’m happy.. I got the courage to confess to him! On top of that, he said yes! I’m so happy I could cry..”

“I’m going to be giving the notebook to Trey. He’s gonna record it all down for me today. 

Azul, I hope you’re reading this. I want you to flip to the back. I asked Trey to attached something really important I want to share with you.”

He flipped to the back. There was a slip of paper folded, stapled to the page. It also held the pendent he bought for you. He grabbed it, and unfolded the paper.

“Azul, 

I’m writing this to you 5 months before I die. Crowley told me to tell everyone about my condition, but I wrote this for you specially.

Remember I told you in that truth or dare game?

“If I told you I was scared to die, what would you do?”

To tell you now, I’m still kind of scared. But I won’t show it! Pretending not being scared isn’t like lying.

Okay, but a practical thing, you could do anything you want with this book.

You can tear it up, throw it away, hide it or even show to everyone! Totally up to you!

I’m gonna be honest with you, I was and still jealous of you.

You were and are the picture perfect honor student of NRC. I haven’t been in NRC as long as you, but I’m just so jealous you manage to be so cool and flawless in everything you do! Well, maybe except for flying..

But still! You were and still are my role model! You always manage to amaze me! But not only that, you treated me like your best friend no matter what position you are! Maybe that’s why I fell for you, you didn’t show biasness towards me to become my friend. I hope you were genuine about our friendship!

But, I like the fact you actually sometimes don’t need other people to reflect about yourself, unlike me. I can’t reflect about me all by myself. If I were like you, maybe I could’ve been able to live entirely by myself, with my own unique worth and responsibilities. Of course, while still being friends with others!

But when it comes to self reflection, you are down to earth with yourself, you speak to yourself, and that’s very independent of you. Ever since you were little you were like that too, and that’s what made you hardworking and diligent!

I’ll end it right here, to tell you I love you. Ehehe~ Sorry it’s so sudden.

I love you, meanie.”

drip.

Pitter, patter, pitter, patter.

Slowly, Azul felt tears rolling down his face.

He broke. Except... that wasn’t true.

He’d been broken when he first heard you were about to die. He just kept strong for you, as you did for him.

He was so glad, he had spent his time with you.

You needed him. You felt like he’d done everything for you.

But now, you’re gone.

It was thanks to you, he never felt insecure about his past anymore. For the first time he met you, his really lived for the first time. He existed in this world.

“Thank you, y/n..” he choked, smiling meekly at your final goodbye letter to him, as he clutched the pendent he gave you.

“I love you so much...”

From Ramshackle dorm, your slightly dusty octopus plushie rest on the side of your pillow.

From far away, he sensed you hugging it, whispering so close to him although so far,

“I love you too, meanie..”

END

============================================================

HO SHIT-

REBLOG IT I FELT MY TEARS I-

Ok I’m joking

thank you for surviving and following with the story. 

Azul loves you. Bye, have a good day!

@magicpumpkin3 don’t kill me pls-

[capt-spooki3]

Hey hi hello, how are you doing, i miss you and am .5 seconds away from spamming all your work with likes and reblogs 💕☺️

So I've been thinking (uh oh).... Being close with Tommy and tubbo and telling them ur terrified to meet techno cause mans is so scary to you, and they tell him you're scared cause they're little shits. A d cut to like a few days later where you have to talk to him for smthn and he's making fun of youand teasing you relentlessly cause he knows you were visibly nervous to meet him, but he's being really nice besides the teasing. Thoughts? Interpretations?

You don't even have to respond, just know that I love you and your stuff and hope you have the best day because you deserve nothing less◖⚆ᴥ⚆◗

( ˘ ³˘)♥

am i positive if you're asking me for a fic? No, not entirely.

Am i going to write you one anyway because you're so sweet? Yes absolutely and now presenting:

My Unexpected Tutor

Platonic college au!Technoblade and Y/n

(plus besties with the rest of the sbi ofc 😌)

(Hope this is okay, i just took my own interpretation of it and changed it just a little👌)

Warnings: cursing, teasing, nervousness(idk)

3.3k works

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

With the final bell ringing and college classes ending for the day, you snatched up your bag and book you’ve read off and on that week before heading over to the courtyard that was near the on-campus dorms. Stopping by a vending machine first to grab a drink then seating yourself on a bench and getting comfortable while you wait for your company to arrive.

“Yeah! And that’s- HA! That’s when Wilbur just… oh!-” The nearing sound of Tommy’s voice cut off along with the softer laughing from Tubbo. You were very obviously engrossed in your book, but now you just feigned reading as you listen closely to the sound of slow footsteps nearing behind your bench. The two of them were horrible about being sneaky since you could easily hear hushed laughs as they desperately tried keeping each other quiet.

Right as you heard them stop moving, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself before turning around suddenly and lunging at them over the back of the bench with a half effort grab at Tommy’s extended hand, and yelling. Tommy screamed back, stumbling back a  few paces and Tubbo just stumbled before backing up to the bench and busted out laughing.

“Ey what the hell!” He scoffed despite not being able to hold back his growing smile, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’ll remember that bitch, I’m gonna get you back.” he walked over to you and sat on the other side of the bench, giving you a hard glare when you laughed a little bit though it was mostly from Tubbo’s hysterical laughter. He took a deep breath and calmed himself so he could jump over the back of the bench and sit between you and Tommy.

The two boys were your underclassmen, being freshmen while you were a sophomore. The three of you met in your coding class. You were there mostly to get your English degree and major in said area, but you figured while you had the opportunity you would take classes on things you didn’t know much about. There, you met Wilbur, a senior and Tommy’s oldest brother, and he helped you quite a bit with understanding bits of coding that were a bit too confusing for you at first and were quickly becoming friends with him. That was until Tommy entered the picture. First, you just saw him as Wilbur’s chaotic younger brother who just happened to be in the coding class as well but after some insisting that you get to know him from Wilbur, you hung out one weekend in the library. One weekend turned to two then almost every weekend once he introduced you to Tubbo as well and you all had become a true trio.

You got to know Tommy’s family pretty well. His single father, Phil, who was just like a second parent to you now, and Wilbur who acted just like the older brother you never had. You knew them well despite having known them all for less than a year. The only hang-up is when it came to Tommy’s other brother. You knew he had an actual name, but only knew him by his nickname since that’s what everyone referred to him by. That would be Technoblade. The two of you had a couple of literature classes together and the fact that he was only one grade above you, you’d figure that you could befriend him with ease. Now, it’s not like he was big and scary, he was more tall and lanky but he was smart and he had some vibe around him that just petrified you. You couldn’t ever build up the courage to be around him which made it quite an issue since you were best friends with his brother, though this wasn’t an issue you had ever brought up to any of them.

“So how did classes go for you guys today?” You asked as you pulled one of your legs up onto the bench and closed your book which you held close to your chest.

“Fucking shitty! I got a fuck ton of extra work, like I know it’s college and the weekend but let me live.”

“We got one essay to write, it’s two pages long.” Tubbo reiterated with a smile while Tommy grumbled and leaned his head back so he was looking up at the sky. “What about you Y/n?”

“It wasn’t bad, I don’t have any extra work other than a bit of coding to do. Oh speaking of, Tommy?” You reached your foot over and kicked his leg to get his attention, only continuing when he was looking at you. “Is Will gonna be free at all? ‘Cause I need some help with this stuff.”

Tommy perked up a bit, sitting up to get his phone out. “Oh you're right, I actually need help with it too.” He mumbled while texting and staring at the screen as he waited for a reply. “Uhh okay so he says… I’m visiting some friends so I won’t have time… blah blah uh but ask Techno, I heard he’s pretty good at coding. Nice! That’s perfect, you can just come over to my house and-”

“Ah, you know what- I actually think I’m okay.” You quickly interrupted him, pulling your laptop out of your bag to aimlessly scroll through the assignment you were given. “It can’t even be that hard I’m sure… I can figure it out.” You said with as much confidence as you could muster despite knowing full well you’ll be completely lost as soon as you try to start on the work.

“Come on, we both know that’s a lie, you're so shit at this stuff.” He said light-heartedly and watched you ‘work’. “Seriously, just come over. I’m sure Techno is good at this stuff, if anything we can pay him to do the work.”

“It’s fine- really. I think I’ll just wait for Monday, I can ask Wilbur for help then.” You closed your laptop, keeping your gaze on it for a moment before looking over at Tubbo and Tommy who were giving you both a puzzled look. “What?”

“You don’t…” Tubbo started to speak but Tommy pushed him back with an arm on the chest so he could lean over to look at you closer.

“You don’t have a crush on Techno, do you?” He said and squinted at them as if disgusted by the thought.

“What!? No!” You sat up taller and looked at him, baffled that he resorted to that.

“Well, then what the hell is the problem! Just come over and he can teach us!” 

“I just… he’s kinda…” You grew flustered and found a loss for good words as you realized you were going to admit this. “He’s scary.”

Tommy busted out laughing and wheezed hard, doubling over as he coughed and laughed some more, stumbling over words as he tried to talk but was laughing too hard. Even tubbo who was trying to hold back, joined Tommy which only made them bounce off each other in their hysterics.

“Wha- I’m serious! Do you two not think he’s intimidating!?” You looked at both of them desperately as you could feel the heat that had risen to your cheeks.

“He’s literally-” Tubbo’s laughter interrupted him. “He’s a nerd! How the hell is he scary?” He settled down a bit and nudged Tommy to get him to calm down too, luckily he got his fit of laughter out.

“Oh my god, no I’ve got to go home now.” He grabbed his backpack that had been discarded behind the bench and looked at you once more before laughing more. “Scared of Techno- oh my god. That's good, that’s a good one. Bye bitches!” He saluted both of you before running off.

“Tommy I swear to god if you tell anyone I will deck your shit!!” You stood up, holding your laptop in hand, to yell at him but just stood there defeated once he turned a corner around a building. Tubbo got up beside you, laughing as he put his hands in his hoodie pocket.

“I wish I could give him the benefit of the doubt… but he’s gonna tell Techno. And Wilbur. And Phil for sure.” 

“Yeah... I’m sure he will. I’m going to my dorm, I’ve got to call my mom.”

“Aww-” You put your hand over his mouth, but took it away as soon as he shut up so he wouldn’t lick your palm.

“Shut- I don’t wanna hear shit from you too. Anyway, get home soon and don’t get kidnapped.” You turned away to put your laptop and book into your backpack and zipped it up before pulling it over one shoulder. You looked back at Tubbo and put your fist up to him.

“I’ll kick them in the balls, don’t worry.” He laughed a little and bumped his fist to yours and walked backward a few paces, waving at you. “Tell your mom I said hi!”

You waved back at him and stood to wait and watch him walk off along the stone path until he was fully out of sight to make your way to your dorm, which was right in the courtyard area.

-

Monday came around and with the school day partially over, you made your way to your coding class. You of course didn't end up doing the assigned homework even though you gave it a good try and just decided to rely on Wilbur's help.

You walked into class and took in a deep breath, it was always cool and smelt of coffee since the teacher brewed a cup before your class every day. Making your way over to your usual computer you looked over to see Tommy sitting in your spot beside Wilbur and chatting to him. You guessed he heard you coming or saw Wilbur look your way because he looked back and grinned wide which never meant good.

"Ey look at who it is! Wonderful seeing you again, how was your weekend?"

"Fine." You said, looking down at him and kicking his foot. "I don't like how you're acting, what the hell did you do?"

He just feigned innocence and looked offended that you could assume such a thing. "Me? Me!?" He leaned forward, hand gracefully on his chest. "I cannot believe you right now, I'm hurt Y/n! Truly hurt."

You scoffed with an eye roll and sat on the other side of Wilbur since the seat was free. As soon as you set your bag down and went to turn toward the two, Wilbur was already facing you and leaning on the desk area for the keyboard in a way that looked like he needed to say something in secret.

"You good?"

He just waved you down and you leaned forward to listen. "You're not… actually afraid of Technoblade are you?"

"Tommy you little shit!" You jumped up, nearly hitting Wilbur but he moved back in time. Tommy laughed and fled to the other side of the room where he normally sat so you just grumbled and took your seat.

"Well?"

"Is no one else? He's intimidating, I feel like he'd call me out on all my insecurities if I inconvenienced him. And THEN he would hold me at knifepoint till I left him alone."

Wilbur snorted and hung his head as he softly laughed, you reached over and hit his arm before leaning closer to whisper. “I’m serious Wilbur! He scares me!”

He looked back up at you with the most amused look. “Come on, you can’t be friends with this family without knowing techno. Honestly. Talk to him today. You two have the same literature class at the end of the day right?” He asked as he sat up and leaned back into his chair to turn his computer on and log into the coding website.

“I mean yeah but- what does that have to do with anything.” You asked, but Wilbur didn’t reply as he just stared at his screen so you leaned forward to get into his peripheral vision. “Will, what does that have to do with anything? I’m not talking to him, I hope you know that.”

-

You were wrong. Nearing the end of your literature class, you sat there listening to the teacher while completely lost on the assignment. Usually, it wouldn’t be too much of an issue because you would just give it the best attempt you could and see where you messed up at the end to better understand the work. It wasn’t the best tactic but you liked it better than having to ask for help. But now, this was a big and grade-determining assignment, not one you could afford to flunk.

The class was given five minutes to start on or look over the work at the end of the class. You leaned back in your chair, staring at your paper at a loss, and listened to the sound of people moving around the class near you. You didn’t try to look up since you assumed it was friends going to sit together and gossip. That was until you noticed someone took the seat beside you and shuffled a bit closer. Pulling the paper away from your face to look, you froze instantly upon locking eyes with Technoblade who was smiling lightly. You had never seen him this close, the most notable thing was his dyed light pink hair that had grown out brown roots and you could even see in his smile how his top and bottom canine teeth were a bit longer than normal and looked like he had small fangs and tusks.

He pushed his glasses up before crossing his arms and leaning forward on his desk. “Hey so I know you’re terrified of me, but it looks like you’re having a bit of an issue.” You opened your mouth to speak but were just met with a loss for words and just averted your eyes, continually glancing back at him for a moment as you were unsure what to do. He snorted lightly, bringing his hand up to stifle his laugh, and cleared his throat. “Yeah sorry for bein’ so big and scary but I can help ya. Come one, show me what you are confused with Y/n.”

“You- you know my name?” You looked right at him finally to which he raised an eyebrow at you quizzically.

“Well yeah. Did you really expect me not to? You’re besties with both of my brothers and my dad loves having you over. I was just waiting for you to say hi to me.” He leaned back, fidgeting with a ring with his hands. “Didn’t think you’d actually be scared of me, thank Tommy for snitching. He talked about it all weekend.”

You groaned, leaning forward to run your hands over your face and sigh, swearing that you’d smack him once school was out.

“Oh shi-” You looked at Techno and he was checking the time on his phone. “Hey, class is about to end. You’re not gonna be busy are you?”

“Uh… not, no I’m not.”

“Great.” He got up, moving the desk back to its original place and trotting over to grab his bag, and looking back to you. “Get your stuff and meet me at the south entrance, we can work on it back at my house.” And without giving you a chance to try to object, he called to the teacher saying that he was going to leave a minute early to get his stuff together since he rented a locker a bit away from the classroom and the teacher waved him off.

Reluctantly, you went back to your dorm which was close to where you had class. You dropped off unneeded books and grabbed a granola bar from a box you kept in your room then headed toward the entrance Techno told you to meet him at. And of course, walking up the sidewalk to the doors you saw him there sitting on a bench with his bag beside him. He saw you and jumped up, waving you over to him as he started walking immediately. While you were still behind him, you sent a picture to Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur of him walking in front of you and adding the caption ‘i did it :P’. 

The two of you chatted while you walked through the neighborhood and despite light teasing on how scary he was, he was easy to talk to and you had a lot in common with him. It was a shame you hadn’t taken the initiative to talk to him before. In no time, you were walking through the door after him into the familiar home where Phil greeted you with a surprised but happy look and offered snacks which Techno graciously took before heading to his room.

To your surprise, Technoblade is the best tutor you have ever had. He is attentive and incredibly patient when trying to figure out where you are having struggles and he’s smart. Like he knows every single bit of what is supposed to be brand new information from the class. Not even two hours into him helping you, you understood the assignment completely and you both spent the next three hours sitting on his bed and working together. You joked with him and he held the same energy while keeping the focus on working and even swapped laptops with him to check it over for each other.

You broke your gaze from the endless lines of text on your laptop screen to look at the window and seeing the orange sky around trees and over top of houses that indicated the setting sun. “Oh my gosh!” You scrambled off the bed, carefully stuffing papers back into your bag. “I didn’t even realize what time it was- Technoblade thank you a million for helping me. I appreciate it so much, but I need to get back to my dorm! I promised my roommate I’d help her cook dinner tonight.” You grabbed your laptop off of the bed and put it into your bag, closing it all up quickly.

Slinging it over your shoulder and adjusting it, you turned to make your way out of the room but you were stopped by a tug and looked back to see Techno holding onto your bag and looking displeased. “Not yet.”

“Wha- I need to go though-”

“It’s a tradition in this house to hug anyone before they leave, you should know that from my dad.” He let go and opened his arms up to you.

You turned to him and tilted your head a little. “You’re joking…”

He just smiled smugly and waited. You glanced at the doorway but gave in and closed the bit of distance, hugging him to which he returned snugly and spoke softly to you. “You’re a good person. I’m glad to have gotten to know you and I hope you’ll come back. I promise I’m not all that bad.” With that, he slowly let go and patted your arm before gently shoving you toward the doorway and plopping down on his bed. “Have a good night!”

“Uh.. yeah, you too!” You said back, still surprised by the exchange. His words swam through your mind as you went to leave the house, hugging Phil on your way out and wishing him a good night as well. Finally checking your phone on the walk home, you found a supportive and proud text from Wilbur, a dirty joke from Tommy, and something in between from Tubbo.

You laughed to yourself, amused by the differences in the messages. It was times like these that you most found appreciation for the three. Mentally you had to correct yourself though. The whole family was good. This you can say for sure now.

[sulphuryasecretcloset]

What if...? Part 7

So, vote came in with an overwhelming landslide for two parts instead of a giant part 7. Too bad you’re getting a giant part 7 and a part 8 and... I’ve given up. Whatever the final number pf parts this ends up on, it’ll end up on. You lovely LOVELY enablers are just adding fuel to the fire. Your comments and reblogs are such an inspiration, thank you! <3 <3 

-

What if Dulsissia hadn’t died, what if she had grabbed Corin and fled? What if she met Davarax? What if…

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Part 7

“I’m not entirely sure I’m comfortable with this.” Davarax drawls after Dulsissia had dropped off Corin for training and Barthor has to be called over twice by Paz before he’ll stop talking to her.

Dulsissia gives Davarax her sweetest smile. “I’m just being a good influence on him.”

Davarax hums, crosses his arms and turns to watch Paz drill the others through the warm-up before the training can begin.

Fighting back a laugh, Dulsissia turns her focus to the children as well and she tilts her head slightly when she sees Paz correct Corin’s posture and awarding him for getting it right with a nod and a pat on the head before moving on to Din, who seems a little jumpy today and Paz wraps his arm around him while saying something that has Din nodding and his shoulders relaxing a little. “Davarax?”

“Mmh?”

“Has Paz always been so protective of them?” Dulsissia has observed him with other kids in the Covert and usually Paz radiates hostility and tends to behave like he’s superior to them all. She’s seen him be downright rude. Very different from how he is with the rest of Davarax’ children.

“Towards Raga, yeah,” Davarax replies, “but Din is what knocked him into a complete parental tip-yip towards anyone he deems a member of his group.”

Feeling another soft rush of emotion, Dulsissia glances over at the Mandalorian next to her. “Truth be told, considering how his father behaves,” Dez Vizla had not impressed her with his manners during Paz’ birthday and revealed where the boy has his occasional arrogance from, “I’m amazed he knows how to be this sweet. I haven’t met his mother yet, is that who he takes after?”

Davarax doesn’t answer right away. He shifts his weight uneasily and uncrosses his arms to cross them again with a different arm on top. “Paz’ mother walked out on him and his father two days before Paz turned five years old. She left the Tribe to be with some guy who owned some shipping company. It’s not something we talk about out loud, so… don’t.”

Stunned, Dulsssia cannot believe what she’s hearing. “She left her son behind?”

“She wanted a fresh start and leave the Mandalorian life behind.” Davarax replies, uncomfortable.

Realizing she’s standing there with her mouth open, Dulsissia shuts it and turns back to stare at the children. The idea of leaving Corin behind when she planned to escape from Macero had never once entered her mind. Dez Vizla does not appear to be as cruel as Macero, but still…

This time Dulsissia stays in the room when they train, curled up comfortably in a corner and dividing her attention between the Mando’a dictionary and the children. She’s feeling lazy today and just wants to be near her son and the ones who has become so very dear to her.

Despite the fact that Davarax is teaching them to fight, the mood is so light and the air is so filled with comfortable belonging that Dulsissia finds herself relaxed and time just flies by.

She’s almost a little sad when Davarax calls for the end of the session.

Getting up on her feet, stretching a little, Dulsissia adores the sight of Corin huddled up with the other children and talking with nothing but excitement and happiness in his eyes. She is a little surprised when he comes running over to her, usually she has to drag him out of the room, but he quickly reveals why.

“Mom, Barthor is going to show us this machine he made in his room. Can I go? Can I?”

“I’ll walk Corin back.” Paz promises.

“Me too.” Din pipes up.

“Me too!” Raga shouts.

Laughing, Dulsissia looks down at her big-eyed boy and tries to put on a strict face. “Food in one hour.”

Nodding so eagerly it has to hurt, Corin darts over to the other children at superspeed, before she has the chance to change her mind. “Let’s go!”

-

The group trample out of the room like a herd of wild tauntauns and she saunters over to the man left behind. “Looking at the stuff you have them doing, I feel like giving up. I’ll never be that good,” Dulsissia confesses with a smile.

Davarax bends down to pick up up a towel from the floor. “You will. Just give it time. And do the work.” He makes a displeased grunt when he straightens back up and rolls his right shoulder in an irritated manner.

“What’s wrong?” Dulsissia asks, instantly worried. It’s not a sound she’s heard from him before.

“Nothing.” Davarax sighs and rolls his shoulder again. “Just my shoulder acting up. I pushed things a little too hard during Fighting Corps training yesterday.”

Dulsissia knows there is not much she can do for this far too capable man who saved her and her son and keeps showing them so much kindness, but maybe she can ease his pain a little? “Sit.”

Davarax looks over at her, confused. “What?”

“Sit.” Dulsissia repeats, pointing at the floor to underline her order.

He hesitates, but then slowly sinks down to sit on the floor. “Why…?”

“This,” Dulsissia taps a finger to the armor on his shoulder, “pauldron, is it? Off.”

Still visibly confused, Davarax reaches up and detaches the pauldron. “Dulcy, what are you-”

“I’m no expect, but… I do know how to ease tense muscles a bit.” Dulsissia refuses to think about why she knows how to rub out muscles tense after hours of a rigid posture in uniform. Another stupid thing she’d thought might bring them closer together back then. “Let me know if it hurts too much.”

“I think I can take it.” Davarax replies without trying to hide his amusement.

“I know you can, that’s not why should tell me.” Dulsissia gets on her knees behind him so she reach his shoulder and starts feeling around to get the correct grip before she starts massaging. “I want you to tell me because I don’t want to hurt you. And suffering through the hurt in this case wouldn’t achieve anything. It’s just silly. You don’t become a better fighter by putting yourself through pointless pain, my good Sir. It’s just-”

“Silly.” Davarax says, still horribly amused.

“Yes. Exactly.” Dulsissia pushes a little harder and finds where she can feel a tight tendon. All the layers of his underarmor makes it a bit difficult, but she starts to work on it. “I don’t know why some thinks it is cool to pointlessly ignore pain. I get why you might have to in a fight, but this? It’s so-”

“Silly.” Davarax concludes, half-laughing.

“Yes!” Dulsissia declares, giving his shoulder a light slap.

In a flash, Davarax twists, gets his right arm around her waist and hoists her forward and around to land across his lap, her back cradled by his left arm. “Hitting people in the shoulder causes pain, you know?”

Initially startled by the abrupt change of her position, Dulsissia relaxes in his grip and gives him a sweet smile. “You can take it.”

“Hmm.” Davarax hums. “I’m not sure. I’m a delicate soul.”

She giggles. Dulsissia can’t believe she giggles yet again, but being around him… It’s like forgetting all the bad stuff in her life and just being hopeful again. “In that case, how can I make it up to you?”

“I have a couple of ideas.” Davarax replies, his low voice a sweet caress.

Curious and a little giddy, Dulsissia lowers her eyelashes in a coy move she hasn’t used since… ages ago. “I’m listening…”

“One, spend a couple of hours with me tomorrow. Just you and me. No kids. No interruptions.”

Dulsissia feels heat rising in her face. She can’t think of a better way to spend a couple of hours. And considering that Corin spends most of his time with Din or the other kids these days, he probably won’t mind it much if his mother is too busy to hover. “Okay. We can do that. A-and what’s the second idea?”

“My second idea…” Davarax’  right hand moves up to slide behind her neck and he bends down so his t-visor hover right in front of her face. “A kiss to make it better?”

Her heart flutters like crazy. Dulsissia is fairly certain her face is approaching a rather unflattering shade of red by now. “We can do that too…”

“Yeah?” Davarax’ hand caresses her neck.

Dulsissia swallows, already a little breathless. “Yeah.”

She feels his left arm tightening behind her back, lifting her a little up and against him, at the same time as Davarax’ right hand moves up to cup the back of her head. A couple of months ago, she might not have seen the point of a simple forehead touch, but now? Now that she slides her own arms around his neck and meets him halfway, the two of them holding on and curling up together like one, feeling them breathe together, betting even their hearts are beating in synch, she can only pity her old self.

-

Lifting her feet, Dulsissia tries to make her way from the kitchen area over to the refresher without stepping on a child. All of Davarax’ children are currently present in her and Corin’s quarters and they lying on their bellies on the floor, entirely focused on a boardgame Paz had brought. Dulsissia glances down at the boardgame as she manoeuvrers her way through the minefield of children. It appears as if Din is giving Barthor a run for his credits. No wonder he looks so grouchy.

Well, there is one child not lying on the floor and that is Raga, who has clearly lost interest in the game and is merely sitting on Paz’ lower back while braiding some cloth into yet another hair tie to her growing collection.

Dulsissia almost makes it to the refresher, knowing she’s going to need the time to do her hair and try to make herself look good, when there is a knock on the door.

Sighing, seeing how none of the children are going to open the door, even her sweet Corin is too busy cozying up with Din to notice, Dulsissia enters the minefield yet again and struggles her way over to the door.

Huffing, she pushes the hair out of her face just as she presses the button and the door slides open to reveal Davarax.

“Oh.” She blinks surprised. He’s not supposed to be here for another hour. “I thought…”

Davarax sighs and looks down. “Listen, there’s been a change of plans.”

Dulsissia can tell from the tone of his voice that it isn’t good news. She absently crosses her arms and braces herself. “What’s happened?”

He doesn’t lift his visor. “Nevarro is not our only Covert. We have several. And we keep creating new ones, to have room for more people and in case of emergencies.”

This makes sense to Dulsissia, so why does his words make her body tense up?

“She’s sending me and someone else to a new location to eliminate a threat and set up a new Covert.” Davarax finishes.

So, he’s going away again. Dulsissia feels a heavy weight of disappointment drop into her stomach but she forces herself to keep a brave face on. “It’s for the good of the Covert. I understand.” She clears her throat. “How long… do you think it will take?” Two weeks? Three? More?

“Six months.” Davarax replies, lifting his t-visor to look at her at last. “If everything goes according to plan.” But the tone of his voice also says he has no faith in that happening. He sounds… tired.

“That’s…“ Dulsissia has to clear her throat again. “Okay. When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow. We’re starting preparations now.” Davarax shakes his head. “That’s not the worst.”

Now she feels a jolt of actual fear. “There’s something worse?”

“She’s sending Dez Vizla too.” Davarax says. “And he’s insisting on bringing Paz along.”

“What?” Dulsissia exclaims and Davarax grabs her arm, so she lowers her voice after a quick glance back at the children now watching them with curious looks. “He’s twelve.” She hisses. “It’s not safe out there for him.”

Davarax merely shakes his head again. “I know. I voted against it, but they think I’m too soft on ‘my kids’.” He lets her go and takes a moment to simply lean against the door frame, as if he hasn’t the strength to stand upright by his own power, then he straightens and looks into the room. “I have to tell him. Send him out to me?”

For half a second, Dulsissia wants to say no. She wants to shut the door and refuse to open it for him or that horrible Vizla man, but then her brain kicks in and she gives a faint nod. This isn’t something Davarax agrees with or even wants to do, but he is helpless to prevent it and it is best Paz hears it from him.

Leaning against the wall of her room, looking out into the hallway through the open door, she watches as Davarax talks to Paz over by the door to his room. She can tell the moment Paz realizes what Davarax is explaining to him by the frantic shake of Paz’ head and when he knows there is no way to escape his father’s command by the defeated slump that follows Davarax’ comforting hand on his shoulder.

-

It’s in the middle of the night, but Dulsissia can’t sleep. It’s hours since Corin cried himself to sleep and she can tell by the sound of his even breathing that he’s finally found peace, but not her.

She keeps staring up at the ceiling. Everything inside her is a churning turmoil.

Davarax is leaving. Paz’ father is dragging him into danger. And the other children are miserable.

She is miserable.

Why now? There weren’t that many new souls in the Covert. And why Davarax? The leader could have sent anyone. Was it because of Dulsissia? Was this her revenge for Dulsissia not heeding her warning and staying away from him if she didn’t take the Creed?

What if she will never see Davarax again? What if something happens and he never comes back home? That is one thought she cannot stand.

Dulsissia takes care to make as little noise as possible as she sneaks out of bed and tiptoes on bare feet over to the door. Never before has a door made as loud a whoosh as the one her door now makes. Cringing, she looks over at Corin, but he’s still asleep. Good.

The hallway is cold, she’s just wearing her simple nightgown, but she can’t risk getting dressed in case it would wake Corin up. The door whooshes loudly again as it closes behind her, she waits but doesn’t hear any sign of Corin waking up so she walks over to knock on Davarax’ door.

He’s probably asleep. He should be asleep She hopes he’s asleep. He needs sleep to be rested for tomorrow.

The door slides open, revealing a fully dressed and armored Davarax, who seems as puzzled to see her as she is to find him awake. “Dulcy? What’s wrong?”

“Why aren’t you asleep?” She hears how it sounds like an accusation.

Davarax’ helmet pulls back a little. “I don’t know. I…. Thinking too much, I guess.”

Dulsissia deflates. “Can I come in?”

That seems to puzzle him even more and he hesitates before taking a step aside and gesturing her to come in. “Sure.”

Dulsissia walks inside. It’s strange, now that she thinks about it. She’s had him in her room countless times by now, but she’s never been in his.

It’s a nice room. Small, but tidy. He has a neat row of vibro-blades on the wall. Two blasters hanging there as well. She suspects what those things on the shelves up above the bed are not decorations, but some kind of explosive devices. Clothes are neatly folded and stacked on a chair in the corner or the room with a bag on the floor next to it. The only hint of luxury is the large bed at the very end of the room, with bright white sheets and a thick fur cover.

Then she sees the most beautiful holo-picture of Paz, Raga, Barthor and Din standing on a writing desk. It hurts her heart and makes her at peace with her decision to be here.

“Dulcy?” Davarax asks, sounding a little worried. “Talk to me.”

“It’s going to be a lot longer than six months, isn’t it?” She says.

Dulsissia hears him sigh somewhere behind her. “Probably.” He takes a step towards her. “Listen, you will still be safe here. You and Corin. You can still make a life here. A-and maybe even meet someone else…”

“I don’t want someone else.” Dulsissia states. “I want you.”

She hears him step closer. She feels his gloved fingers slide down the back of her bare upper arm, as if he’s afraid to touch her but wants the contact too much to be able to stop himself. “Dulcy…”

Dulsissia turns her head a little in his direction and Davarax instantly backs up a couple of steps.

“Sorry…” He sounds a little shaky. “Sorry. That was crossing the line. I didn’t mean to do that.”

“When Din broke his nose, you took off your gloves to help him.” Dulsissia says. “So you can take off your gloves.”

“Yes.”

“Not including your helmet, can you take the rest off?”

A moment’s pause. “Yes.”

Dulsissia turns to face him, still strangely calm. “Do you want to? Now?”

Davarax stands frozen, but he can’t hide the hitch in his breath. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I know.” She replies. “Now please answer my question; do you want to take them off?”

Another moment of hesitation and this time Dulsissia can tell his eyes are moving over her. She knows if she was to see her own reflection, she’d see a woman without any make up, in a shapeless and sleeveless white nightgown that barely reaches her ankles, sporting unkempt and wild hair. She wonders what he sees. Because she notices how Davarax’ hands clench into fists, like he has to stop himself from reaching out for her.

Finally he gives her his answer in a quiet, almost shameful whisper. “Yes.”

Nodding, pleased they want the same thing, Dulsissia reaches up and slides the nightgown off her shoulders and lets it drop to the floor. “Then take them off.”

The sight of her seems to knock the air out of his lungs for a second, then his hands move to start removing his armor, his clothes, and not once does he take his eyes off her.

Dulsissia watches as more and more of him is revealed and realizes she had been right; he really is lovely all over. Beautiful. With his golden skin, finely tuned muscles and battle scars.

Once his body is as bare as hers, he waits for her to decide what happens next and she walks over to him. Placing her hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating as fast as hers, Dulsissia savours the heat of his skin and wants to place her lips to every scar. So much pain is written on his skin. “I’m guessing you Mandalorians have some secrets when it comes to this as well?”

“Some.” Davarax replies in a hoarse whisper, strained with the effort of keeping still.

She looks up at him. “Will you show me?”

He does.

And for a while, all she can think about it how good it feels, how good he feels, the heat of him, the weight of him, all of him. Her whimpers mixed with his half-choked groans. Her fingers digging into his back and his hand gripping her hip. And she will never ever forget the feeling of him shaking apart in her embrace, allowing himself to crumble, trusting her to put him back together again.

After, she holds him to her chest so he won’t see the tears in her eyes as she thinks about how that they might not ever have this again.

Dulsissia stays as long as she dares, but eventually she sits up and scouts for where she’d dropped her nightgown. She has to get back before Corin wakes up.

Davarax’ bare fingers trail down her back. “Marry me.”

Blinking surprised, she looks back at him. “What?”

On his back, sprawling carelessly, barely covered by sheets, Davarax moves his hand to cup her face. “Marry me.”

Now it is her turn to huff a laugh and Dulsissia lifts a hand to cover his. “You definitely need sleep.”

Davarax sits up and leans forward to place his forehead to hers in a sweet kov’nyn. “Marry me.”

Dulsissia swallows hard, memorizes the feeling for a little while, then she gently pulls free and gets out of bed. “I’ll wait for you.” She walks over to where she can pick up her nightgown and puts it on. “I won’t be with anyone else. You have my heart.” Dulsissia looks over at him. “But I can’t marry you. I’m never getting married again. I’m sorry.”

Davarax sighs, looks down and then back up again. He nods. “I understand.”

Dulsissia tries to smile but fails. She draws a deep breath. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Davarax nods and he merely watches as she leaves.

-

They are standing by the door leading into Nevarro city and Dulsissia is doing her very best to be strong for the children. She, Corin, Din, Raga and Barthor are lined up to say their goodbyes to Paz.

Poor Paz, all dressed up in travel gear meant for a grown man and looking utterly miserable.

Corin is hiding halfway behind Dulsissia’s leg, he hasn’t done that in months, while Din is the first to step forward toward Paz.

“You promised…” Din whispers, pale and scared. “What if they come while you’re gone?”

“They won’t.” Paz replies in a shaky voice, placing a hand on Din’s shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. He tries to will conviction into his voice. “Okay? They won’t.”

Before Din can say much of anything, Raga rushes forward to throw her arms around Paz’ torso and sobs out loud as she buries her face in his chest. Not letting go of Din, Paz closes his eyes and bends down to place a kiss on Raga’s hair before resting his cheek against the curls and wraps his other arm around her.

Dulsissia has to look away and blink away tears of her own.

“Don’t go.” Raga barely manages to say through the heaving sobs.

“He has to.” Barthor says quietly and with no small amount of sadness himself. He reaches out and runs a gentle hand up and down Raga's back.

Paz lifts his arm from Raga’s back and holds it out so Barthor can move in and then he hugs them both before pulling Din close with his other am. A second after getting the three in place, Paz lifts his head and opens the arm he has around Din again, wiggling his fingers for Corin to join them.

Corin doesn’t hesitate. He darts over and squeezes in tight next to Din, letting Paz lock them with his arm as he does with Barthor and Raga.

Dulsissia discretely wipes at her eyes and looks down just as Paz lifts his gaze to her. He can’t really fit all four in his embrace, but he’s trying his very best. “You…” Paz swallows hard and tries again. “You have to look after them for me while I’m gone. Understand?”

Raga sobs even louder. Din’s fingers are digging into Paz’ jacket.

“I promise.” Dulsissia replies, even as everything in her rebels at the fact that this little boy, Paz is just a child himself, should feel such a responsibility. He’s too young for such a weight.

The sound of heavy footsteps makes her look over and soon Dez Vizla enters the hallway, followed by Davarax, and the leader of the Vizla clan doesn’t even pause as he walks by his son. “Paz. Let’s go.”

Raga wails even louder. Barthor backs away, so does Corin, and eventually a reluctant Din, but Paz has to pry Raga off himself and he more or less shoves her at Dulsissia before he runs after his father, failing entirely to hide his own tears.

Dulsissia restrains Raga, desperately trying to run after Paz, and looks over at Davarax standing there. “You keep him safe, Davarax. Whatever it takes. You hear me? You keep him safe and you make sure the both of you come back to us.”

Davarax nods. He looks at each child in turn, then sighs and crouches down. “You hear that? I’ll keep Paz safe. I promise. And we’ll be back before you know it. Then we will all be together again.”

Barthor cautiously approaches him. “Don’t forget us?”

Davarax reaches out and gives his hair a light ruffle. “Never. Not as long as I live.” He then looks over at Din. “I will be back, Din. Trust me.”

Din merely stares down at the floor.

Corin is next to approach him. “I will look after mommy until you get back.”

Davarax does his little trademark huff-laugh and taps Corin lightly under the chin with a finger. “I appreciate that, Corin. Thank you.” He then reaches out a hand and puts his palm gently to Raga’s back as the little girl is clinging to Dulsissia’s leg and crying so hard her small body is shaking. He has no words that will take away her pain, so in the end Davarax straightens back up, hesitates, looks at each of then in turn once more, then he walks away.

The door closes behind him and he’s gone.

Feeling a deep hollowness spreading inside, Dulsissia absently bends down to pick up Raga. “Let’s go.” And she carries the heartbroken soul, while the other three morose children walk behind her.

-

Davarax made sure to get one of his friends from the Fighting Corps to step in to train the children, if only twice a week. And Decco takes over Dulsissia’s training, which makes it a lot less fun and brings a lot more tough work instead.

“You’re as bad as he was.” Decco grumbles, crouching next to where Dulsissia is squirming on the floor after she got sent flying there by the other woman.

“As bad as who?” Dulsissia asks, wondering whether she can be bothered to get up or not.

“As Davarax.” Decco straights up and shoves at Dulsissia with her boot. “He complained when I trained him too. Now get up.”

Dulsissia remains where she is and frowns thoughtfully. “How old are you?”

“Old enough to be your mother so don’t make me put you over my knee.” Decco threatens. “Get up.”

Dulsissia scrambles to her feet.

It doesn’t take more than two days before Davarax’ absence takes its toll, though. Dulsissia is surprised to find Din’s mother on her door one morning, asking her with resigned worry if her son was there. He’d disappeared some time during the night and no one knows where he is.

“He’s not here. Sorry.” Dulsissia says and the Mandalorian wanders off to ask the next person.

Considering her options for a moment, Dulsissia looks back at where Corin is sitting on his bed, reading. “I need to go check something, sweetie. Can you be a good boy and stay here?”

Corin shrugs. He’s clearly not heard what the question was about, otherwise he’d be running around looking for Din too. Good.

“Okay then. Stay here. I’ll be back soon.” Dulsissia slips out and closes the door behind her before heading down to the storage room Davarax had revealed to be Din’s hiding spot.

At first she can’t see him and Dulsissia is a bit relieved she hadn’t told his mother she knew where Din was, but then she takes a step further into the cluttered room and a blanket across an old pilot seat moves.

“Din?” Dulsissia steps closer and she chokes on a startled sound when the blanket goes flying, revealing Din curled up on the seat and holding a sharp piece of metal out in a defensive move.

Once the shock is over, Dulsissia cautiously approaches the boy. “Din, it’s me. It’s just me. Dulcy.”

Blinking, as if in a trance, Din finally seems to actually see her and he slowly lowers the weapon.

“Are you okay?” Dulsissia asks, daring to crouch down next to him, seeing how he’s still acting rather dazed. “What are you doing down here?”

“I thought…” Din mumbles, looking around, frowning confused. “I thought they were here?”

“Who, Din?” Dulsissia reaches out and cautiously eases the weapon out of his hands. He lets her take it, looking increasingly distressed and confused.

“Them!” The boy gulps for air. “The droids. They’re going to kill us all. Like they killed my mom and dad.”

“There are no droids here, Din.” Dulsissia puts the weapon away and then gently brushes the hair away from his sweaty brow. “No droids. You’re safe.”

Din shakes his head and his eyes brim with tears. “No. I’m not! He said he’d keep them away and they stayed away, but now he’s gone away! Him and Davarax both! And now the droids are going to come and kill us all!”

“No…” Dulsissia inches up to sit next to him, wrapping an arm around the shivering boy and hugs him close when she hears the first quiet sobs he’s trying to hide. “No, baby, no. You’re safe here in the Covert. We all are. The droids won’t come for you or any of us. It’s going to be okay.”

She sits with him until the tears dry up and Din is able to function somewhat normally again. He’s tired, exhausted and cold, so she ends up carrying him back to his parents.

Forget about the fight training, Dulsissia suspects the muscles she might get is from carrying these children around.

Din makes a miserable sound when she hands him over to his father, but doesn’t fight it. Dulsissia wonders if maybe she should have just brought him back to her room instead, suspecting Corin might have had a calming influence on him, but it wouldn’t be fair to Din’s parents.

“Thank you.” Din’s mother says, sounding both relieved and as exhausted as the son.

“Listen,” Dulsissia decides to risk it, “Din and my son have gotten very close. They are very fond of each other. If you need help with-”

“I appreciate you bringing me my son, but the day when I need help from an outsider is the day you can take my helmet.” The woman snaps and the door slides shut in front of Dulsissia’s face.

Huh. Rude!

-

It takes about two weeks before there is a knock on Dulsissia’s door and she opens it to find the teacher with the stinky room standing there with a firm grip on Raga’s arm.

The little girl is staring defiantly down at the floor and the man is taking short, angry breaths.

“You think she’s innocent and manageable? You manage her!” The man yanks Raga forward so she stumbles inside the room, “Enjoy!” and stomps away.

Shocked, Dulsissia slowly turns away from staring at his back to looking at the miserable looking child standing in the middle of the room. Raga is rubbing her arm where the man’s hand had been grabbing her and her lips are trembling.

Corin is sitting on his bed, wide-eyed and scared to move.

“Oh, baby…” Dulsissia sighs and closes the door. She walks over to Raga. “Are you okay?”

She nods, but keeps staring at the floor.

Dulsissia crouches down and wraps her arms around her. It takes a little while, but eventually Raga relaxes and leans against her.

Bribing her son and Raga with treats and a new story on the datapad, Dulsissia uses the opportunity to sneak off and talk to Raga’s parents. 

Raga’s father doesn’t say much, but Raga’s mother points inside their room, over at where three other children are wrestling on the floor, screaming and pummelling each other. “I hear what you’re saying, Dulcy, but I got my hands full here. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with Raga’s antics right now. My boys are about to take the Creed and I have at least five other assignments I have to finish. Just… send her home. I’ll keep her here until Davarax comes back.”

One of the boys cries out in real pain and Raga’s father turns his t-visor towards them. “HEY! Calm down! The first one who breaks something on someone gets their ass kicked by me!”

Blinking, Dulsissia has to gather herself for a moment before blurting out an idea she comes up with on the spot. “How about I look after her for those hours of school? I can teach her some stuff? I mean, that would be better than her just staying at home?”

Both of Raga’s parents look at her for a second, then the mother says, with no small amount of dry disbelief; “You’d do that…?”

Raga’s father follows it up with; “Why?”

But then there is a thump and something shatters on the floor and the man stalks off inside the room. “Right. That’s it! Who did that? Get back here!”

“No killing!” Raga’s mother shouts after him before turning back to Dulsissia. “I can’t pay you.”

Dulsissia nods. “That’s fine.”

Sighing, Raga’s mother shrugs. “Sure. Fine. Go ahead.” Then there is the sound of some kind of ruckus and she mumbles that she has to go. “I said no killing! I will kick the ass of anyone who dares to die today, I am NOT cleaning that up!”

That is how Dulsissia ends up having Raga around almost as much as Din and her own son and why why she ends up approaching the last of Davarax’ children; “I need your help.”

Barthor looks up from his datapad. He’s sitting in the corner of the common room. Alone. As usual.

“With Davarax and Paz gone, I’ve promised to look after Din and Raga in addition to my own boy and I have no idea how to entertain them or what to teach them or… I need someone who knows stuff to help me set up some sort of activities so they won’t kill each other.” Dulsissia says.

Barthor lowers his datapad and smirks. “You just don’t want me to feel left out when you guys have fun.”

“That too.” Dulsissia admits. “But mostly I really do need your help. All the stuff I used to do as a kid means we have to go outside.”

Barthor considers it, then nods. “I’ll help you.”

-

Davarax and Paz have been gone for three months when a messenger appears on Dulsissia’s door and hands her a small box with her and the children’s names on it. It’s from Davarax.

The children all get a large lump each of what looks to be a mix of sugar and something even more sweet, to their utter delight as none of them had tried this particular kind before, and Dulsissia finds a cylinder-shaped container within the box with her name written on the lid.

Opening it, Dulsissia gingerly eases out its content into her hand and her eyes instantly well up with tears at the sight of the beautiful wildflower. She places her free hand over her mouth to muffle a faint cry of how much she misses him.

“Mom?” Corin asks, sounding anxious. “Did Davarax do something wrong?”

“No, baby.” Dulsissia whispers, placing a soft kiss on the flower’s delicate petals. “He did something perfectly right.”

After that, she gets an idea. It takes no small amount of courage, but Dulsissia scrounges together the ingredients she needs, slips her blade into her pocket, her blaster into the lining of her pants, and then she goes back up into Nevarro to sell her cookies again.

It takes her several weeks to save up the credits and another one to manage to purchase it, but finally she can gather the children in her room and tell them they are going to record a holo-message to Davarax and Paz.

The children eagerly ramble their words, simple everyday things that has happened to them, and Dulsissia wraps it up by telling Davarax and Paz that they are both sorely missed, to be careful and come back home soon. She knows Davarax will see the flower in her hair.

She packs the small holo-projector with the message into a box along with some cookies and then hands it over to the Mandalorian in charge of communication.

A couple of months later, another small box is delivered to her room and Dulsissia feels a jolt of excitement when she sees the holo-projector inside.

Dulsissia gathers the children and they all huddle together in the room to see the message.

The holo-image sputters slightly as it lights up but then stabilizes and the image of Davarax from the chest up comes into view.

“Greetings from the new Covert.” His voice declares and Dulsissia doesn’t realize she squirms with delight along with the children at the sound of him. “Thank you for the message and the cookies. It really brightened our days.” Davarax turns his visor and gestures someone over. When Paz steps into view, Raga makes a tiny sound. He looks tired, but unharmed.

“Hey.” Paz says, a little awkward, and goes silent until Davarax nudges him. “I, uh, hope you liked the sweets. They got plenty of that here. So that’s good. Uhm. Wish you guys were here.”

With that, the final words a rushed and emotional thing, Paz steps out of frame and Davarax turns back to focus on them again.

“Barthor, I’m expecting your project to be done when I get back and to see it operational. Din, I know this is tough for you, but I’m proud of you that you’re doing so well. Raga, I’ll talk to your teacher when I get back, don’t worry about it. I got your back, remember? Corin, good job, you keep looking after your mom.” Davarax then leans back a little and his voice changes tone from gentle to a far more mischievous one. “Okay, Dulcy, this is when you pause the message and usher the kids out. The rest of this message is just for you.”

Dulsissia’s hand flies out and she presses the pause button while her face flares up red.

The children all whine in disappointment, but Dulsissia shows no mercy. All she can think about is what Davarax will say. “Out. Now. Go play. Food in thirty minutes.”

“But can’t we please stay?” Corin pleads. “We won’t tell him we heard.”

Raga tilts her head, raises her eyebrows, not convinced that this isn’t something she’d like to hear.

Corin frowns while Barthor drags Raga up on her feet as well. “But… Mom doesn’t do grown-up kissy stuff.”

“Oh, sweet angel, she definitely does.” Dulsissia corrects him, gesturing for them to hurry up.

She’d feel guilty if not for the comical look of disbelief on Corin’s face as the others drag him out and how curious she is to hear what Davarax has to say.

The door has barely closed before she activates the message again.

Davarax waits a couple of seconds then he tilts his head. “They gone? Yeah? Okay.” He leans forward again. “I miss you, Dulcy. I miss you like crazy. Dez punched me twice in the head yesterday because I couldn’t focus. It’s been too long. I can’t stop thinking about you. Things haven’t gone smoothly here, like I suspected, and I fear I may shoot the next one who causes trouble and keeps me away from home. From you.” He exhales a laugh, leans back and shakes his head a little, as if he can’t believe his own words, before he focuses on her again and sits back up. “I’m running out of time on the holo, but there is one final thing I wanted to say; Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.” His voice is so wonderfully soft at that, before the smile returns to his voice. “I know you don’t speak Mando’a, but now you have a dictionary. You’re a clever girl, Dulcy. Look it up.”

The image flickers as he leans forward and reaches out and then he’s gone.

Heart racing, so emotional she can barely breathe, Dulsissia wants to hug the holo-projector close and cry her eyes out at the same time. She needs him back. She misses him like crazy too!

But no time to cry, she has a message to decipher.

-

It’s not easy juggling four children, training with Decco, sneaking up into Nevarro to sell her cookies and deal with everyday challenges as well, but it keeps her busy and prevents her from sliding into self-pity.

Plus, the challenge of Davarax’  message is a delightful distraction.

Dulsissia could just play the line for Decco, but that wouldn’t be right. His words was for Dulsissia and Dulsissia alone, so she decides to try to write down the words as she hears them and go from there.

It takes a bit of work and a bit of time, but the reward? Oh, Dulsissia can hardly believe it.

He loves her. He just told her he loves her. He will carry her in his heart forever.

The abrupt marriage proposal had seemed like a spontaneous thing, born out of residual oxytocins and the distress of having to leave, but even after telling him that can never happen; he still loves her.

Dulsissia is not proud of it, but she spends the next ten minutes just crying. She’s feeling too much and it’s the only way she knows how to deal with it. Once that is done, when she feels calmer, that’s when Dulsissia has to find some discrete way of letting him know she feels the same.

If she was a Mandalorian, she would have sent him a weapon, right? But she’s not. And he’d said he preferred her cookies anyway. So…

Dulsissia records a message with the kids, adds her own after like he’d done to her, telling him just how much she misses him too, that he has to be careful and adds the word she’d learned and rehearsed saying just for this moment; ner cyare.

And in the box, she adds a small bag with a cookie meant for Davarax alone. A cookie shaped like a blaster.

It becomes something to look forward to, something that makes the wait a little less torturous, those packages with these short messages from Davarax and Paz. Visible evidence that they’re alive and sweet, reassuring words that the connection between them all are still there.

Then comes the day when it’s been a year since Davarax and Paz left. A whole year! How is that possible? And it’s been three months since she heard from them. Decco reassures her that the two are fine, otherwise the Covert would have been buzzing with news, but still… she doesn’t like it.

The explanation comes three weeks later, when Corin and Din come running into the room and startles Dulsissia in the middle of wrapping up her wrist, still swollen and stiff after yesterday’s training accident.

“They’re back!” Corin blurts out.

“The ship just landed!” Din adds, equally excited.

“Who? What are you two talking about?” Dulsissia asks, fastening the bandage with a frown.

“Paz and Davarax, of course!” Corin shouts, as if he can’t believe he has to spell it out.

Dulsissia jolts as if someone just punched her in the stomach. She can’t breathe. They’re back?!

“We have to go meet them.” Corin says. “Right, mom?”

She automatically looks over at the mirror she can barely see in the refresher room, thinking she should pretty herself up before Davarax sees her, but Dulsissia realizes that she can’t wait. She looks back at the boys. “Get Barthor. I’ll get Raga.”

It’s not long after that that they are gathered up by the door to Nevarro, where they had said their goodbyes. The children are eerily quiet, just stares at the door, but Dulsissia can’t blame them. She is failing to find a single word of reassurance.

They wait. Seconds tick by. Minutes. Ten minutes. Fifteen.

The door opens. Dez Vizla steps inside, barely deigns to send a glance their way as he walks on, and then; there he is.

Davarax appears, stepping inside and is just… there. He’s there. Real, alive, breathing, there.

The children rush forward. Dulsissia can’t move. She can’t anything. She’s frozen in place.

Crouching down, Davarax greets the children with a delighted laugh and accepts everything from hugs to semi-angry shoves for staying away so long, and only once they have started to calm down does he cautiously glance up at her.

Dulsissia tries to smile, but her stupid eyes well up with tears again.

Davarax straightens back up and walks over to her. He barely has time to open his arms before Dulsissia rushes forward and throws her arms around his neck, hugging the man with a touch of desperation. She bites her lower lip hard to hold back the sobs, just holds on tight. Dulsissia loves how his arms goes around her waist to pull her impossibly close while his helmet burrows against her neck.

For a little while, they are allowed to hold each other and linger in the realness of each other, before Dulsissia makes herself lean back a little. Her hands slide over to cup his helmet to hold him still so she can lean her forehead to his.

Davarax shivers at the contact. His arms are still not letting her back away a single inch.

They might have remained like that for ages if not for Dulsissia being distracted by Raga rushing forward with a happy sound and she looks over just in time to see the girl throw her arms around Paz and be hugged tightly in return.

Placing a hand against Davarax’ chest, Dulsissia eases herself away from him and watches the boy with no small amount of unexpected sadness.

It’s Paz, there is no doubt about that, she’d recognize him while being blindfolded, and he more than confirms it with the arms eagerly reaching out for Din and Corin and Barthor to join as well, but Dulsissia can’t help mourn the fact that she’ll never see his sweet face again.

Paz is wearing the trademark blue Vizla helmet.

That brings a lot of mixed feelings to Dulsissia, but right now she decides to focus on the fact that her two boys are finally back with them. They are alive, unharmed and back where they belong. She pushes the thoughts away and smiles at Davarax. “Welcome home.”

[monsoonblooms12]

The Butterfly Effect (Ethan Ramsey x f!MC)

Summary: The Journey from where it all began to where they are now. From a 2-minute power nap to a Miami kiss, Pooja and Ethan have come a long way. From Pooja's POV (Set in OH Bk 1 Ch 10 and contains flashbacks from OH Bk 1 Ch 1, Ch 4 and Ch 5)❤

The Butterfly Effect: Discovered by Edward Lorenz, this theory suggests that something small and insignificant, can alter situations in such a way that leads to utterly drastic changes. For example, a butterfly flaps its wings at an Amazonian Jungle and subsequently a storm ravages half of Europe. (This has to be one of my favorite theories ever🦋)

A/N: I got inspired from a dark Academia quote and here we are with 2.4K of mess. But I enjoyed providing all the fbs from Poo's POV and filling in the gaps of the unknown. And all the DbC peeps, I am trying to finish ch 8 believe me😭

Thank you so much to @jamespotterthefirst for Pre-reading! Love you🧡

If you enjoyed the story, please like it, leave a comment or reblog. Your feedback keeps me going🦋

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey X f!MC (Pooja Sharma)

Word Count: around 2.4K

Rating: General

Category: A messy mix of Fluff and Angst

Warnings: None that I found

A grain of sand, almost imperceptible to the human eye, 2 millimetres in diameter. Just a tiny little grain of sand, a single one. One would wonder how great of an effect that could produce?

A single grain of sand, eliminated from the base of a sand sculpture, can set on fire a cascade of events that result in something as drastic as the demolition of the entire sculpture. Just a trifling 2 mm sized grain of sand.

Tufts of hair gently swayed with the swooshing ocean breeze, the very grains of sand of which her mind was thinking about slip through gaps of her toes. It's a calming atmosphere, having a Zen-like effect on her racing heart and confused reasoning.

The echoing crash of ocean tides, the hushed ruffle of her shimmering purple dress, and the pattern of her footsteps of the white sand, now silver under the enchanting moonbeams.

She could not think about bad ideas and good ideas anymore. Nor could she obliterate the delicate touch of peach lips ingrained in her mind. Everything was a lock of tangled hair, a chaotic mess in her mind.

And when you can't disentangle a mess, you just tear it off.

That was what she was doing, tearing herself away before her mind got engulfed by a cocoon of ambiguity and concealed probabilities, restricting her to get out without getting transformed into someone else.

Legs exhausted after strolling for who knows how long, Pooja sits down, not bothering about the sheet of sand fragments that adhered begrudgingly to the purple satin.

A simple motion ensues, the florid hair tie holding her brown hair strands in a ponytail, now lay in her hand, giving them the liberty to enjoy the tranquillity of the idyllic scene they found themselves in.

Relaxation. That was what she anticipated. The soothing of her racing heart, the clearing of her muddled head, the easing of her bothering thoughts.

But it never came, the relaxation she desired.

Instead, her fingers, for a reason mysterious even to her, fidgeted the diamond imitation bracelet that embellished her left wrist. A twitch unveiled a vague scar, a remembrance of an old episode entirely cleared off from her mind.

Flashback

Pooja was a Potterhead. An extreme one indeed. Sometimes the thought made her chuckle. How she despised the books once, presuming they were overrated. And then, as if a magic trick had been performed on her, she became the Maven of the Harry Potter club.

But being a Potterhead and having to live in a niche under the stairs did not go hand in hand. The room under a staircase was still a room under a staircase. And every day, her mind replayed the poem of curses to her, as if to warn her to never search for an apartment on a Facebook Group ever again.

And now she stood, waiting for the century-old toaster's ping, as sleep struck like pin-pricks on her eyelids, threatening to close them off. It was a bad day today, the phone battery drained, and she, coffee drained. And the cherry on the top? Today was the first day of her residence at the most prestigious hospital in the entire States.

Uff!

She yawned the hundredth time, sleep playing a tiring game of chess with her mind, and giving it a Check! every now and then.

I don't even know a goddamn coffee shop around in here!

Displeased grunts accompanied the thought as she took the knife and began slicing the apple she had been floundering around for quite some time.

One Slice, and Another, and Ano-

Snorr!

What an ability it was to fall asleep anywhere, in any position! What harm would a "Power Nap" of a minute or two do? Right?

AAHHH!

The scream came out in bits, first when her eyes fluttered open with the sudden pain. A pause followed when she actually looked at the source of it and after her eyes and mind registered what was happening, came the second scream.

She was getting the taste of just how profitable the power nap was.

Hurrying away, she rummaged around for a first aid box, failed to find it, trotted to her Harry Potter adobe and took out the medical goodies she had brought with her. After ransacking through it, she found the antiseptic and the swabs she was looking for. Then a faint sound came from the blinking cellular and she picked it up, not waiting for breakfast. Just as she clicked the unlock button...

HOLY SHIT!

What? How? Her mind could not register. The only thing she understood was that she was notoriously late for her first day, and now she would have to do all the running that she had avoided for all the preceding years.

Letting out another pained groan, she kicked two flowerpots on her way to the kitchen, took the toasted slices of bread, switched off the stupid piece of machinery and ran.

She was sure she would have come first in any marathon if she had run in them with the speed she was racing right now.————————————————————————

Did she know about Dolores Hudson? No, she didn't. Had she planned on telling about her to Dr Ramsey? No, she hadn't.

The two words had inadvertently slipped off her tongue, not envisioning it as an indication. But as soon as they reached his ears, it felt as if a domino had been pushed. One pushed on to the other, leading to a chain of events that had given no hints, no warnings at all.

And now she was in the NICU, chatting with the man whom she considered an idol, a role model as if they were old companions. It was an enchanting experience to see the intern-terrorizing gentleman, so ... normal.

She questioned her mind's choice of word, but she did not completely disagree. To see Dr Ramsey, sitting here with an intern, talking with her, for no particular purpose other than the fact that she decided to stay back here in contrast to any other person, who would have valued their sleep than watching over a premature baby with whom she had no connection.

When sleep muddled her thoughts, she didn't realize what she was doing. Head lowered into his shoulder in a motion that felt like a reflex embedded in the nerve cords of her spine. She missed the gentle smile, decorating the handsome face of his, as he watched her from the corner of his eye, his eyes holding an emotion unrecognizable.

Was it affection? Pride? Adoration? Or something completely different? Who knew.

But if there was something she did know after that day, it was that she felt lucky, damn lucky, for that slip of the tongue.————————————————————————

How idiotic of her the decision was, she didn't want to talk about it.

Pooja had only found herself running the way she was running now on the first day of her residence, and she had only herself, and no one else to blame.

Why did she think that giving up on the most wanted position for every medicine intern in Edenbrook for friends when every one of them participated in it was a good idea?

If only her brain comprehended her priorities appropriately, she wouldn't have to rush through roads like a person who was missing their train.

Panting, grunting, and completely tensed, she arrives at Edenbrook. Steps don't slow down until she arrives before the light beige door, huffs and puffs, not pausing for a split second. She doubted if her legs still had the power to walk or if she would have to crawl into the office.

Nah, no more embarrassment, she would not be able to bear it. With the power that remained in overworked limbs, she knocked, entered and gave her reasons for the delay. And then, by a margin of a minute, she signed the sheet, absolutely normal but still holding the power to twist her entire life in an unforeseen way.

But did she regret it? She couldn't, and she wouldn't.————————————————————————

Miami. The city of gorgeous beaches, giving the aesthetic of peach and teal life. The expensive marble-floored hotel rooms in which she found herself was unreal. Definitely not made for some random intern.

Gorgeous decorated interior, delicately manicured lawns, elegantly made fountains, all standing majestically, giving a fight to each other. She glided through the vast space, joy overcoming job as she breathed the calming salty air coming from the oceanfront, which appeared like a picture frame in front of her. She had never seen anything so perfect in her life.

It was like Ataraxia.

She preferred Mountains over Beaches. She always had, and without a doubt, she always will. But when something looks so heavenly, it would be absolute stupidity to forego the chance of visiting it, even if it contrasted her preferences.

Forgetting the not-so-pleasant interaction with Declan Nash, which appeared like a stone in her perfect day, she let her sensations delve into the delicious culinary masterpieces that melted in her mouth like wax.

All the merrymaking and socializing drained her. But the gentle talks, soft giggles that she shared with him, an extraordinary, priceless moment, seemed to charge her, rejuvenate her. A corner of her heart did hope for something to happen. But she hushed it, not wanting to spoil the casualness, the beauty of the simplicity that blew in the air between them.

It felt like existing in the setting of one of those Michael Faudet quotes, one of them particularly being emphasized by her mind.

"As our eyes meet, all-time seizes to exist. The dying second frozen like petals of red roses kissed by autumn frost."

Pooja's mind still reeled, falling freely into the void as passion and some unnamed emotion overtook them. His heart steady under the touch of her palm and hers racing under the touch of his. She would not be able to remove the unreal image from her idiot of a heart, even if she wanted to.

Sleep refused to come to her, even after calling it repeatedly. She sat up, relieving the memory, playing in front of her like a sepia movie on the silver screen. Eyes travelling around, only to fall on a bouquet kept neatly at one of the antique corner tables.

It was white lilies and purple orchids.

Pooja Sharma didn't know the language of flowers when she received them, with a tag casually signed as E. A vague tag like that did not help to know the actual sender. The man whom she kissed had a name beginning with E, the hotel she was staying in had a name beginning with E.

Hell, even the hospital she worked in had a name with the letter E.

But if she had known the language of flowers, she would have pinpointed the symbolism hidden in it.

The White Lily carrying the meaning of Purity, Sweetness while Purple Orchids a clear cut indicator of admiration and elegance.

She would have been able to tell which E had sent the delicately wrapped piece that now lay uncared for in the corner of her room.

Feelings overcrowded reason, and she found herself suffocated in the very room that seemed heavenly to her in the morning.

Slowly and silently, she walked away to find the solace which he or she could not give her, in nature.

Flashback ends

As the amaranthine ocean glistens, waves crash and the foamy water rushes to engulf her feet as she stood, hands wrapped around herself, she felt she had truly found solace. There was a spiral, an unending coil of memories, a string which, when pulled, tugged in emotions hidden in darkest corners, forgotten but related, all tied together.

It was surprising, enigmatic, how much the little brain of hers, the soft heart of hers, holds in them. A constant battle of reason and emotions ravage the tired battlefields of her body. How casually, reminiscences of a bygone day appears, flicker like the reflection in the mirror of the calm pond water, but remain clear through the ripples that spread on the surface from time to time. That's how memories work, still clear, still dear, even after passing through chaotic ripples of time.

As she reaches the end of the spiral, the helix of her thoughts, she finds herself even more astonished than she was when she reverted to the first pages of the memoirs of her stay in Boston.

It was just a minute, or a word or two. Always so insignificant.

Every ignored act added one upon another and resulted in the catastrophic mess of heartbreak and affection she found herself today.

The 2-minute Power Nap of her first day? It led to the 2-degree shift of the knife and the scar that her finger was tracing now.

That 2-degree shift led to the delay in her reaching the hospital?

It resulted in her meeting her mentor, which gave her the chance to do the thoracotomy with him, to experience how it felt when his hand enveloped hers.

Those two words that slipped as a nonchalant thought off her tongue? It was why she could know how Ethan Ramsey was, behind the tough exteriors, the short-tempered demeanour, how it felt to place her head gently on his shoulder, to wake up to his glowing face.

And that one minute past midnight, when she signed up for the challenge that would change her life? That is why she is here, hair ruffling and eyes glistening, the Leucos Moon reflecting on the glistening water, the crepuscule spread mystically around her. That is why she knew how it felt to be touched by him, kissed by him, to get lost in him.

When Edward Lorenz discovered the butterfly event, he had correlated mathematics and meteorology. Had he thought that the same butterfly effect had turned an unassuming intern's life upside down, pushed her so back in the void of circumstances that it was impossible to come back?

Just a 2-degree shift of a knife, and now she was here in Miami. Just like the unassuming butterfly's flap of wing, which now ravaged a storm through her life.

Glassy droplets make a slow trail down the curve of her cheeks and drop on the scar as if trying to meet the origin which has brought her to the coordinates of the present.

And even though she did not know what would happen in the days to come, she was happy, truly happy, for that shift of her knife and for the 2 minutes of the power nap.

For the butterfly effect of love.

PS: Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a great day ahead! Love, Manamee🧡.

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[suchalonelysunflower]

“Mine. Yours. Ours” (l.h)

Pairing: Luke Hemmings X Reader

Summary: You and Luke decided to keep your relationship a secret. But what happens when he accidentally let it slip?

Warnings: The reader uses she/her pronouns, sorry if I make anyone uncomfortable with that, it was not my intention. Besides that None! Pure fluff and maybe some mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry, I’m trying and I will get better)

Word Count: 1.8 K

Author’s note: My first Luke piece just in time for his birthday! I struggled to find inspiration for this, but it came out of nowhere and I’m really happy with the result, hope you like it too 💕 Remember that all comments, reblogs and feedback are welcome! I will love to hear your thoughts on this! And you can find my other fics HERE. Thank you so so much, happy Luke Day! 🦋

“Good luck today, bub 😊💕”

Luke must’ve read that message time and time again in a matter of minutes, making it hard for him to erase that cheerful grin out of his face as he quickly typed a cute response. He was glad that his band mates were too busy in their own little world to notice and tease him about it.

But if he was being honest, he didn’t mind at all. In fact, everything his mates said about him was true: he was an idiot in love and he wasn’t afraid to show it, at least with them he wasn’t.

You both came to an agreement to keep your relationship a secret for the time being. Knowing how the media worked, Luke didn’t want to expose you to that so soon but, even though you said you were okay with it, he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty and insecure. He notices the way you would frown when you had to pull away from each other in public, making it seem like you’re just friends or when you couldn’t hold his hand or kiss him in the middle of the street. If he could, he would show you off to the entire universe, shouting from the top of his lungs how happy and in love he was with you.

But he was scared, he didn’t want to lose you if all of it became too much for you, however, he knew that maybe one day you’ll get tired of all the secrecy and leave. He couldn’t blame you either way, but he’ll be devastated without you.

Scanning the text over and over again, Luke’s butterflies quickly became insecurities. He felt his stomach drop at the thought of not being with you and an urge to hold you as close as he could, just to make sure you’d still be there.

“Mate?” Ashton called for his attention.

Luke lifted his head and noticed that he was the only one left in the van. Shoving his phone on his back pocket, he ducked his way out of the car and onto the parking lot of the radio station, ready to face yet another day of countless interviews and promos.

One of the producers of the program was already waiting for them, escorting the band around the building and giving a few pointers to take into account. Luke wasn’t really paying attention to her, in his head he was still curled up in bed next to you, cuddling until one of you caved into their need of a morning coffee. He left today with the image of you peacefully sleeping under a mess of tangled sheets, wanting nothing more than to stay next to you a little longer.

“Hey guys!” The host said, snapping Luke out of his happy thoughts “We just cut to break so you’re on for the next bit. Nothing too crazy, just a few questions and a little game if you’re up for it”

“Sounds good” muttered the boys as they sat around the table adjusting their mics and headphones.

“Hey. You good, man?” Ashton whispered to Luke “You seem to be drifting into elevator mode again”

The blond man nodded “Just got my head somewhere else” but before his friend could ask where exactly, the classic gingle of the station resonated in their headphones, letting them know that the interview was about to start.

“Welcome back everybody!” The cheerful voice of the host filled the room “I’m here with the biggest band no one's ever heard of, the Australians who took on the world by storm in 2012 and haven’t stopped since, selling record after record and stealing the hearts of everyone around them. Everyone give up for 5 Seconds of Summer!” The crew around the booth clapped and cheered “Welcome, guys. Thank you for being here”

“Thank you for having us” Luke answered.

“Great! I wanted to talk about…”

It was always the same. One or two questions about their personal life, more questions regarding the album or the single, what are the plans for the tour, what city are you most excited to visit.. the boys knew it all and they knew how to handle it, always bringing the same charisma and easiness to it as they do in their everyday life.

The host was very fun as well, bringing up a few laughs and inside jokes among the four Australians, making it much easier for Luke to relax and enjoy the moment and for his mind not to drift constantly to you.

“Okay, now before you guys go. How about we play a game?” The host announced, pleased with the agreeing sounds of the band “We are going to go around the table and I’m going to give each of you a few prompts and sentences that you would have to answer as fast as you can, no more than 3 seconds. That sounds right? Okay, who wants to go first?”

“I can go first” offered Michael from across the table.

“Okay Michael, you have 3 seconds on the clock. Ready? And,,, The thing I could never live without is…”

“Internet”

“The person who I would call to hide a dead body would be…”

“Moose” he said, earning fits of laughter across the room “What? I wouldn’t trust these guys to hide a body! At least Moose can dig!”

The game went on like that for a few minutes. Each answer more crazy than the last, making everyone laugh and tease each other afterwards.

Then it was Luke’s turn, being the last one on the table he had all eyes on him.

“I’m kinda nervous” he laugh into the mic.

“Don’t be, it’s just a game! Now, ready Luke?” The frontman nodded “My guilty pleasure is…”

“Love Island” he answered, trying to hold a giggle as he heard his band mates laugh “What? You’ve seen it too!”

“Didn’t we all at some point? Okay, I want to do a collab with…”

“Yungblud, definitely”

“The person who makes me the happiest is…”

“Y/N”

His eyes winded as soon as your name left his lips. He looked around and saw with panic in his stare as the laugh of his mates died down, each of them slowly realizing what the blond man just said, creating a silence that covered the room like a cloak.

A million emotions ran through his head in the matter of an instant. Cursing himself for letting it slide so easily, throwing away all the effort you put into keeping it a secret without even realizing it until it was too late. But at the same time, he felt an overwhelming sense of freedom and happiness, like he could finally let go of that baggage, leaving it behind forever.

“Y/N?” Asked the host who quickly catches up “Is that..”

“That’s my girl” Luke said as he took a breath “The person who makes me the happiest man on earth for sure”

“Well this is news for everybody!”

“Well yes, we wanted to keep it on the downlow for a while but, she’s the love of my life, mate. Couldn’t keep it any longer”

Luke smiled at the thought of you, not even trying to hide it. The secret was out, and he was fine with it, happy even! Happy that he could call you his in front of everyone. His eyes skimmed around the room and he was relieved to see smiles plastered onto his friends’ faces.

“It was about damn time” Calum said. Making everyone laugh again.

When the interviews and promos finally ended it was late into the evening and Luke went straight home. He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t a little bit scared of how you might take the news. He was a lot scared. What if you didn’t want this? Would you leave him? What if it became too much for you to handle?

A million questions ran through his head as he opened the door. But he felt all of his fears went away as he heard the music coming out of the kitchen.

You were listening to Taylor Swift whilst making dinner for the two of you, singing softly along the music and not really noticing Luke leaning against the kitchen frame. He watch with soft eyes as you swing and dance to the beat, audibly sighing as he took you in, falling in love once again, just like every night.

It wasn’t until you both heard Petunia’s little bark that you broke out of the spell. You turned around to see Luke kneeling down to give his little doggy a kiss and pat her head.

“Hey baby!” You greeted him as you turned the stove off “Dinner will be ready in a few I just need-“

“I talked about you today”

You froze. He what?!

“You- you what?”

Turning to face him. You saw his tall figure walking towards you with a smile drawn into his face. Once he was fully in front of you, Luke wrapped his arms around your waist, softly looking into your eyes for any sign of discomfort or hatred.

“They asked who makes me the happiest person in the world,” he lifted his hand to caress your cheek “and I couldn’t think of anyone else that wasn’t you, because there isn’t one. So I said your name”

You felt your eyes start to water, your smile growing as the feeling of butterflies filled your stomach “So that means…?”

“The secret is out. No more hiding, love. The world needs to know that you’re mine and I’m yours”

Happiness came over you as you lifted your arms and brought them behind Luke’s neck, pulling him closer until your lips met. Melting in his gentle touch, you opened your mouth to deepen the kiss, feeling as if a thousand sparks covered your bodies. Muttering “I love you’s” and sweet nothings into every kiss, allowing him to be yours and you to be his.

Luke pressed his forehead to yours, kissing the tip of your nose as you softly giggled. “I love you” he said, looking into your eyes “I love you and I’m so glad I can tell the world that I’m in love with you, Y/N”

“No more secrets, Luke.” You sighed as his lips traveled down your neck “Though, I have to admit that sneaking out was fun while it lasted”

“Hmm, naughty girl” he muttered against your sweet spot. Making you quietly moan under his touch.

“God. I love you”

He brought his lips to yours once more, smiling into it as he heard the familiar tune of your favorite song play through the speaker.

Luke took a step back, adopting a straightened pose as he bowed in front of you, offering you his hand “Dance with me, love?”

You giggled as you took his hand and placed the other one in his shoulder, letting him put his hand on your lower back and guide you through the living room in a dance that was so enchanting it felt like a movie. You laid your head on his chest as he swayed you around the house, feeling his heartbeat close.

All of your fears and doubts, they all went away. You both knew that, as long as you have each other, everything will be fine.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Kismet {6}

Henry Cavill x Famous OFC Aliya Taylor

Warning: Plot Heavy, Slow Burn, Mild Cursing, Flirtation

Words: 4.5k

Summary: Aliya is a singer turned model turned actress. Since she was fifteen, she’s been creating her empire in the entertainment world. As the daughter of a famous fashion model/designer and Hollywood director, you’d think life is easy for her, but her past has been anything but easy. Due to past trauma, she’s forever changed and no longer trusts any man that is not in her family and a select few in her team. She’s sworn off love and serious relationships and has planned never to fall again, but love isn’t something that can be planned. It just happens when it’s meant to. Can Aliya outrun a love that seems hellbent on holding tight to her, a love that is Kismet?

If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!! 😘  

As always, thank you so much for reading. ❤️❤️

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

***Interactive***

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

-Henry-

He couldn’t believe you had this effect on him. He hadn’t been able to think of anything else but you since bumping into you now more than three weeks ago. He thought the weeks you were in England and him in LA would have lessened how he was beginning to feel, but it hadn’t. Then he expected after a few dates that he would have realized that he was working himself up, but one date turned into two and another.

 Every time you opened your mouth, he found something else to mesmerize him. If it wasn’t the way you spoke about your friends and family, it was your intellect. If it wasn’t that, it was your sense of humor or your cynical side. There was nothing about you that he tired of. You were fascinating, and he wanted to be around you more and more. That was what took him off guard. He tired quickly, and usually, after a few dates, he usually found characteristics that had him fading into the night.

He knew it was only a matter of time since meeting to exchange phones before you kissed. Every second he was tempted to claim your lips; every minute, he found himself either staring at them or inching closer. He was surprised you hadn’t been able to tell. He felt so transparent and open. It wasn’t a familiar feeling for him. He liked to be cautious of those he spent his time with because no one was ever who they said they were. Everyone had a hidden agenda. He didn’t feel that way about you.

 The minute you kissed him, he had no idea how he remained in control. Every internal instinct told him to push you against those cave walls and rip your dress off of you. His palms itched to feel your skin underneath, but he wanted far more than your body. He knew that the minute the first “goodbye Henry” came out of your mouth. He wanted so much more that he didn’t dare voice or confront—not yet at least.

 “What in the world has got your attention?”

 Turning, he found Halley, Nik’s wife approaching him with a bright smile on her face. Once she plopped down beside him, he returned it. “Nothing—work,” he lied.

 “You should have told me that you were coming by earlier. I would have had Kal bathed and nice for you.”

 He looked out to see Kal speeding through the dog park and the obstacles that were laid out. He may be a bear of a dog, but he was agile as the most athletic pup.

 “It’s okay. I stopped by the house; Nik said you were here. I don’t mind.”

 “How long you in town for?”

 He shrugged. When he considered work, it could be weeks or days, but now there was you. Right?

 “Uh--,” he began rubbing the back of his neck. “Not sure. I left LA a few days ago and had to fly to Prague.”

 Halley observed him for several long moments. When his eyes met hers, she gave a contrite grin before she looked down. “You look tired, Hen.”

 Sighing, he nodded. He felt tired.

 “Yeah. I just have to push on for a few more weeks then a holiday.”

 She nodded, and like a mack truck in came Kal crashing into him, knocking the wind out of his lungs to lick all over his face.

 “Hey, buddy. How are you? I missed you too, yes I did.” Kal kept licking at his face and nipping him on his excited state. He couldn’t keep his laughter back any longer.

 For the next several minutes, he sat on the bench, embracing his best friend that he hadn’t seen in a few weeks. He hated traveling without Kal. He truly was one of the only comforts he had in his busy life.

 “You think you want to come over for dinner tonight? I have a friend I’d love to introduce you to,” Halley mentioned.

 Scoffing, he shook his head. Nik, Halley, Piers, and Amee had tried several times to hook him up with one of their friends, and none of them had ever been a success. It all came back to those hidden motives he couldn’t trust. Plus, none of them ever seemed to get past the celebrity thing. It was really a thing of fascination for many.

 “No, I think I’m just going to lounge with Kal tonight.”

 Halley nodded and stood just as he did after harnessing Kal back onto his leash.

 “Thank you, Halley, I appreciate you guys looking after him.”

 “You’re kidding; we’re family, Hen. Plus, the boys love Kal. He’s such a good boy,” she said as she scratched behind his ear. Like the good boy he was, Kal sat there happily accepting the affection.

 After a quick hug, he was on his way to gather some groceries for a quick dinner. London was his town, and unlike America, he was left alone for the majority of the time. The only time he was approached was when he had some project looming for release, and the press had been rampant with promotion. Otherwise, he would walk down the street and have people recognize him but let him carry on with his day. Celebrity was handled differently by the Brits.

When he made it home, he began Kal’s grooming routine, which went on for almost two hours. Once that was complete, he worried about his own hygiene then began cooking dinner as he had the TV on in the background. When he was home, things were relatively quiet. He was a simple kind of man. He wasn’t into the extravagant thing many celebrities were. The most he’d splurged on was probably tech products. If it was a six thousand dollar gaming computer, he had to have it, or a collector’s building item, he owned it within days, or if it were a motorcycle, he’d splurge. The fancy clothes and everything else didn’t appeal to him, as did extravagant women.

 That was before you. He could tell you were as extravagant as they came, but he could also feel that there was more to you than that. There had to be; he couldn’t be wrong there. Grabbing his phone, he scrolled to your contact and paused. This would be the fourth time he’d called you in the last two days. The fourth time he’d called with no answer. The first two times, he didn’t worry about optics because he knew just as he was busy you were probably even more so. The third time a nagging feeling took over that you were dodging his calls.

 The first few days after he left LA, you answered. You’d talk for hours as if neither of you had anything better to do. When your conversations ended, you’d text throughout the day with only short lags between due to time zones. That went on for three days. By day four, the legs stretched. You didn’t call back as much until you’d stopped picking up altogether. Today was day six. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong.

 Tapping your number, he left it on speakerphone as he stirred the mushroom gravy for his pot roast dinner. It rang once, twice, and a third before it went to voicemail. Sighing, he dropped his head back. He’d left you two messages already. He wasn’t inclined to leave another. Once he ended the call, he focused on the meal before him and not the feeling of rejection beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach.

 ~~~~~~~~~

 -Aliya-

-Two Days Later-

It was unseasonably warm for April in New York. It was pushing seventy degrees and had been for the last three days. It wasn’t something you were mad at or even complaining about because you’d rather warm weather to model in the rain and snow. Thanks to the weather, your shoots had gone down without any problems or delays for the last three days. That meant you had a little time to yourself. Tonight you found yourself enjoying that time.

 “So you need to tell us what’s going on with hunka hunka fine man,” Amaya began.

 Rolling your eyes, you sighed then finished your glass of wine before filling it again. “Nothing, god.”

 “What do you mean? Last we talked, you went to exchange phones, and Leece said you stayed for dinner, and we found out about how it was. What then?”

 Debating in your head if you should even go down this route, you took a mouthful of your wine. You couldn’t even stop your smile when you thought of him. “He asked me out again, and I went. We ate, talked, then he took me to the beach to this—amazing cave and then he took me home,” you cliffs noted.

 Amaya didn’t look convinced at all. “Wait. He took you home? He saw your house?” Her eyes were bugged to match the shock on her face.

 “It’s no big deal. He didn’t go in or to the door,” you lied again while pushing to the side that it was, in fact, a big deal.

 “Oh my god! You broke a rule,” she accused.

 Rolling your eyes again, you tried to push down the anxiety that the accusation brought on.

 “I guess I shouldn’t tell you I broke the no kissing on the second date rule, huh.”

 The loudness of their gasps had so many eyes drifting to your table. Both Amaya and Alicia sat there, stunned and speechless. You didn’t blame them. This was unheard of.

 “Who did it?” Placing your glass down, you looked to Alicia to answer her question. “He went for it, and I stopped him, then—I let him.”

 No one spoke. You just knew they were about to make this an even bigger deal. “It’s not a big deal,” you anxiously lied again as your anxiety continued to rise. “We won’t be seeing each other anymore.”

 “What! Why?”

 “Because he has drama. He’s juggling two women. I will not be the third.”

 “Oh god,” Amaya lamented as she rolled her eyes in unison with you.

 As you rolled your eyes to the right, they landed on Henry, who was approaching your table.

 “Oh holy mother of Christ,” you muttered just as he made it to the table.

“I thought I saw you,” Henry started.

 Recovering like the pro you were, you plastered a smile on your face. “Hi.”

 “How are you?” Henry bent to kiss your cheek, allowing you to smell him and have all the memories you’d tried to push down resurface. A moan escaped you before you could stop it. You were sure he heard it. When he pulled back, the look on his face confirmed it.

 “Good, good—busy, so busy.”

 He smirked and nodded. “I figured. I’ve been calling and texting. No response,” he threw out. You were impressed at his candor. Usually, people would keep pleasantries or even not let it be known. You liked that he called you out on it, but you didn’t like the position it put you in.

 “Work. It’s been so crazy,” you weakly lied.

 Thankfully Amaya clearing her throat brought the attention from you, giving you a needed reprieve.

 “Eh-em!” Shaking your head, you took several breaths and looked him over. He looked good.

 “Introduce us to your friend, Aliya,” Amaya badgered in her sweet voice.

 “Of course. Amaya, Alicia meet Henry, a friend of mine. Henry, these are my best friends.”

 For an inkling of a second, you saw a disappointed look on his face before it was gone and replaced with a pleasant smile.

 “Henry,” Alicia began.

 “Everyone usually calls me Hen or Henners,” he informed.

 “Oh, Henners. Interesting,” Amaya gently teased with a smile.

 “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ladies,” Henry said, slightly bowing his head in that respectful, charmingly British way.

 “Join us,” Amaya insisted, jarring you completely.

 “Uh—I’m sure Henners has other things to do than sit with a couple of chicks,” you averted. The way Henry looked at you had you closing your mouth instantly.

 “Actually, I was coming in for take-out, but I can stay.”

 “Great,” Amaya elated as she raised her hand at a nearby waiter.

 As the waiter brought a chair over, you finished your glass of wine, a sinking feeling settling in your belly. Just like your luck, the chair was set between you and Amaya, leaving Alicia across the table, the perfect location to observe you and Henry.

 “Are you ready to order?”

 “Henners just joined us, maybe a few more minutes,” Amaya informed the waiter.

 “It’s alright. I know what I want,” Henry announced.

 “Great. I’ll have the sriracha shrimp with mashed potatoes, please,” you nervously began.

 “Any appetizer?”

 “Chicken Samosas, please. Also, can you bring another bottle of Moscato? I’m sure this will be gone in no time,” I requested as I poured myself another glass.

 The waiter took Amaya’s and Alicia’s order leaving Henry’s for last due to his insistence that the ladies went first. Damn his charm, you thought. Once he’d ordered his food and the waiter left to put it in, Amaya wasted no time beginning the conversation.

 “I saw the first trailers for The Witcher and the teaser trailer for the next era in Superman and Justice League. I am looking forward to both of them.”

 His smile was soft. “Really? Thank you. I appreciate that.”

 “Are you in New York for business or pleasure?” As she said, “pleasure,” she raised her eyebrows.

 Oh, dear God, you thought, beginning to toy with your wine glass.

 “Business and promo. I left my pleasure in LA,” Henry stated, slipping a glance your way. Your belly fluttered.

 “Oh no. I’m sorry. Maybe you can find some in New York,” Amaya added.

 Henry took a sip of his wine and shrugged. “I wasn’t optimistic about that, but here I stand corrected bumping into you ladies.”

 Alicia and Amaya giggled like love-struck schoolgirls. You wanted to laugh. You were able to not laugh outright, but you couldn’t stifle the snort that escaped.

 “Guys watch out, Henners here is British. The capital of charm,” you teased.

 Henry smiled again. “Not my fault the British were bred somewhat different than the rest of the world. We appreciate simpler things, charm being one of them and beautiful women.”

 “Cocky,” Alicia slid in.

 “Not at all. I prefer confident,” he finished raising his glass to her. Smirking, you took a mouthful of wine.

 “How can you stand to work for so long and so frequently away from family and friends?”

 Henry looked to Amaya before he answered. You liked one thing; he paid attention to who he spoke to, ensuring they felt seen. “It used to be tough. I dealt with loneliness a lot but not so much anymore. I’ve learned how to handle it.”

 After another sip of wine, you butted in. “Plus, there are a slew of beautiful women dying to aid you with your loneliness. It helps, I bet.”

 The look he gave you was a questioning one, but he didn’t speak. He just shrugged with a smirk.

 “I don’t notice the women. They all tend to blend together, same attitudes, same motives, same antics. Finding someone original in the sea is rare, and I have better things to do than vet.”

 “So, you’re not looking for love?”

 It was a bold question, but it was right up Amaya’s alley.

 “Never looking,” Henry answered.

 “That’s good. When you’re not looking is usually when it finds you,” Alicia added.

 “Or something finds you. Love, lust, whichever,” you argued before you took another sip of wine.

 “Don’t mind cynical Cathy over there,” Amaya taunted.

 “It’s all right. Usually, those who are cynics just need something to believe in or to be showed they can believe in something—or someone,” Henry said as he stared at you.

 No one spoke or moved for quite a while. You were the one to look away and knock back the rest of your wine.

 The remainder of dinner was interesting. Henry continued to charm your friends with almost every word out of his mouth. It didn’t take long for you to see how much they liked him. Part of you was happy because who didn’t want their friends to like someone that was showing attention. The other part of you hated it. They were typically a lot more difficult to melt than this.

 You found yourself watching him, and his body langued for the rest of the night. If he moved his hands as he spoke, your eyes were focused there, noting how large and strong they looked. If Henry took a sip of wine or a bite of his steak, you focused on his mouth. From there, your mind always went back to the feel of his lips on yours. You were still attracted to him.

 The week had done nothing. There was a reason why you’d created distance and space from him. It was supposed to serve a purpose, and you thought it had, but this dinner proved nothing had changed. You wanted him, and it was driving you crazy.

 By the time the three of you left the restaurant after Henry paid, the night air was cool but not cold. It was pleasant. When you turned, he was there, and your friends had mysteriously wandered off. Henry took a few steps closer to you, leaving only a few inches between you.

 “How are you?”

 “I’m good. You?”

 Henry took a deep breath and stuffed his hands into his pocket. You remembered that move. Biting your bottom lip, you glanced at his lips.

 “Feeling the burn out coming.”

 Nodding, you answered, “I understand.”

 “I’ll be in town for one more day. I fly out tomorrow night. Would you want to do breakfast tomorrow?”

 There it was. You sighed, looked down, and shuffled your feet. “Okay.”

 “Pick a restaurant. This is your stomping ground,” Henry said with a smile that made you smile.

 “You remember.”

 He leaned in softly, bumping you. “I remember everything you’ve told me.”

 One simple sentence took your breath away. You watched Henry lean into you to place a sweet kiss on your cheek.

 “Good night, Aliya.”

 Taking a breath to slow your racing heart, you replied. “Goodbye, Henry.”

 He scoffed before he walked off down the street, leaving you to watch as he walked. Groaning, you bit your bottom lip. “Damn.”

 ~~~~~~~~

 -The Next Day-

With plenty of debate about canceling or keeping the breakfast plans, you gave in and kept it. After putting in way too much effort into your hair, makeup and outfit, you found yourself rolling up to the designated meet spot—Sarabeth’s twenty minutes late. Once you approached the restaurant, you saw him sitting by one of the windows with a newspaper in one hand and his phone in the other. Once he saw you, his smile widened, showing you his sharpened canines that were longer than his other teeth and slightly poked out. It was an endearing quality.

 As you approached, he stood to greet you, then kissed your cheek.

 “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

 “I’m pretty sure from now on I’ll be waiting for you happily,” he joked.

 Once both of you had settled, you looked at him, almost losing your train of thought.

 “Have you ordered?”

 “Just some tea,” he informed, motioning to his white ceramic teacup.

 “Tea? You’re not a coffee drinker?”

 “I am British,” was all he said.

 Snorting, you laughed at his serious expression.

 “Let me guess, Earl Grey?”

 “Now, I’m just cliché, aren’t I?”

 Giggling, you shrugged, pleased with yourself for guessing correctly.

 “Welcome to Sarabeth’s. Can I start you guys off with something to drink?”

 Glancing to Henry, he motioned to you to go first.

 “I’ll have an Earl Grey tea, please.”

 Henry snorted, making you smile.

 “Coming right up.”

 When the two of you were alone again, his smile widened. “You too, huh.”

 “I start my day with Earl Grey. Guess it comes from the British part of me.”

 “Must be,” he replied.

 “I saw the trailer last night. Amaya is right. It’s amazing,” you elated.

 His smile was adorable, but he looked embarrassed. “You think so?”

 Nodding, you placed your hand over his as reassurance. “I promise.”

 Henry looked down at your hand, bringing your eyes to it as well. Pulling back, you cleared your throat.

 “I’m excited. I’ve been doing this for the last year. I’ve put a lot into it, blood, sweat—everything.”

 His passion shone through, and it pulled you closer to him. “I can imagine,” you responded before you flipped through the menu.

 “I take it you’ve been here before?”

 “Yes, one of my favorites. The food is fresh and organic,” you answered.

 “So you’re health-conscious,” Henry filled in.

 “Not at all. I just like good food.” His laugher echoed around the small restaurant. You had to shrug off the shiver that ran through you.

 Hoping to change the subject, you inquired, “Ready? I’m hungry.”

 Henry nodded and waved the waiter over. Again, he allowed you to order first before he went ahead. Once the waiter got your orders, the conversation turned to work. He told you about the plans for season two of The Witcher and even gave some tidbits about the new Superman project. It was clear he enjoyed what he did and took pride in it. Many actors saw acting merely as a means for millions and fame—that was until you got that intrusive fame.

 “Your friends are great.”

 “Ha. That’s because you just met them,” you teased. “Over time, you’d be whistling a different tune.”

 “Sound like my friends and family if I’m honest.”

 You laughed together. “Mine too. Aren’t they the best?”

 Picking up on the sarcasm in your voice, he nodded, giving you a quirky face.

 The connection between you was evident, as was the attraction. It was something challenging to repress or pretend wasn’t happening. When you spoke, you noticed he watched your mouth and even picked up how his body swayed to you. It was similar to what happened to you. As you explained to him how you enjoyed traveling when you were promoting an album, his phone rang. Seeing as it could have been important business, you insisted he answer to his protests. Before he did, he promised it would be quick.

 “Hello?”

 The look on his face was instant shock.

 “Um—It’s—it’s not a good time. I will call you later,” Henry rushed out lower than he’d began.

 Thanks to the lowness of his tone, you could hear a woman’s voice from the call. That was all you needed to be slapped to reality.

 “Tomorrow. I’ll be home, and then we have to talk,” Henry stated. Your jaw clenched before he ended the call to look at you.

 “Everything all right?”

 After clearing his throat, he nodded. “Yes.”

 His smile was forced, but he forged on with the conversation. A conversation you were ready to check out of entirely. Pushing through the remainder of the meal, your only goal was the end. Once breakfast was finished and the bill settled, this time by you, the two of you found yourself outside together.

 “If I call you in the next few weeks, will you pick up?”

 Another bold question. Too bold, considering you’d just heard a woman on the phone. Sighing out, you tied your trench again.

 “Henry--.”

 Henry moaned then sighed out. “Chris, my name on your lips sounds so much more different than anyone else saying it. I like it.”

 He truly spoke what he thought, no concealing. Shrugging it off and pushing through your stupor, you stepped back and continued. “This has been fun. You seem like a really good person on top of being uber-talented. I wish you nothing but continued success in your career and life, but—for anything here—I don’t think it’s going to happen,” you said surprisingly steadily.

 His confusion was apparent. Tilting his head to the side, Henry’s brows knitted. “Why?”

 Quickly you searched for a reason deciding on the plainest answer. “Because it won’t work.”

 “Give me a reason,” Henry pressed but not in a disrespectful way.

 Feeling cornered, you straightened your back. “Why do you need a reason?”

 “I’m a man. I need to know the reason why I’m being rejected. I thought we were progressing on the same page,” he honestly revealed. You could see the confusion and hurt increasing in his eyes.

 Fuck it, you thought. “I don’t do drama or messy, and your situation screams drama and mess,” you blurted out.

 “My situation?”

 “Henry, I had your phone for two weeks. I saw the messages and calls from Francesca and Abby. That is messy and the potential for more drama than I have the energy for. I don’t do three ways. I don’t share. I’m not a juggling ball. I will not be juggled.”

 “How do you know you’re being juggled?”

 “That call in there. Was that Francesca or Abby? I’m going to guess it was Abby since you said you’d be home, and she’s sent messages asking about you coming home before,” you deduced. Henry nodded and looked down.

 “Downside to a woman having your phone for a long period of time,” you mumbled.

 “Have you been juggling me with Jesse and Liam? I’ve seen the messages and calls too,” Henry countered.

 “I don’t juggle. Juggling means one or both do not know about each other. Jesse and Liam know about each other. I don’t juggle,” you finished.

 Henry sighed and nodded.

 “So, you’ve been seeing the three of us.”

 “I haven’t, and that is my honest answer.”

 Henry glanced down the street. His whole disposition changed. Where he was warm and inviting, he was now cold and rigid.

 “So that’s just it?”

 Shrugging, you nodded. “Pretty much.”

 “Even though we both felt it.”

 Keeping a straight face, you proceeded. “I don’t know what you mean. The bottom line is I’ve broken three rules already when it comes to you, and I will not break this one.”

 With that, Henry nodded.

 “Have a safe flight. Goodbye, Henry.”

 Staring at each other for a few moments, neither of you moved. Henry nodded, and you took that as your out. Walking down the street away from him, you did your best to keep your head up and your back straight. You’d talked the talk, and now you had to walk the walk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[kalimagik]

Should’ve Said No

Sirius Black x Reader 

Marauders Era 

Based off the song “Should’ve Said No” by Taylor Swift

<3k

Warnings: Angst and mentions of cheating

A/N: I’m back with another song based fic because that’s one of the few places that I draw inspiration from. I had a three hour car ride, listened to this song on repeat a million times, so in short, this fic just wrote itself! If you enjoy it, like, reblog, comment, or follow (I think you get the gist so far!) It’s my first time writing for Sirius, so I hope you all like it! Happy Reading <3

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I knew the risks that came with catching the eye of Hogwarts’ biggest playboy. I knew his reputation. I had stayed away for a decent amount of time, but the boy finally wore me down at the end of sixth year. He asked and asked. He said he was done with his play boy life. I said yes. Everyone was surprised I said yes. Hell, I was surprised that I said yes, but it was worth the risk. Sirius Black had my heart in his hands. He was careful with it too, almost delicate. 

Then seventh year kicked in and so did the beginning of quidditch matches and parties. I did as much Common Room rotating for the parties as the next girl, but the one time, the one time I decided that school was more important, he wasn’t strong enough to not ruin everything. Let me go back for a minute. 

Lily came up to me during lunch the other day, I think it was Tuesday or Wednesday, and sat with me at the Y/H table. 

“Did you finish that Transfiguration homework Saturday?” she asked me casually, but seemed to have a little bit of a tremor in her voice. 

“Yeah, Remus was a ton of help. Thank you for telling him that I needed him even though I didn’t want to ask. How was the party?” I asked, thinking nothing of it. It had been Gryffindor’s turn to host, but I wanted to get a good grade in my N.E.W.T. level transfiguration this year, so studying took precedent.  

Lily grew quieter suddenly. 

“That bad, huh?” I giggled, judging her reaction. “Where’s James?” 

I was still so daft. So stupid to think that everything was normal. Lily’s boyfriend and my boyfriend were best friends. It brought us closer than ever and it made me happy. Sound began to fill the Great Hall as others came in for lunch. 

“He’ll be along. I just wanted to talk to you,” Lily piped up again. “Are you almost done? Could we go to the loo to talk for a minute?” 

“What is with you, Lil?” I was worried now. Lily was usually such a happy presence to be around, but that day, something was off. I gathered my things, following Lily to a bathroom a little ways from the Great Hall. What was she so upset over? I hoped she was alright. “Oh, look! There’s James and Sirius!” 

I had started to call them over, but Lily quickly pulled me through the door of the bathroom. 

“Seriously, Lily. What’s up? Did James do something? Should I warm up my wand?” 

“He didn’t do anything, Y/N.” I just stared at her, mouth slightly opened. I was wracking my mind over what had potentially happened that had her acting this way

I realize now that I was so worried for her when she was just being protective over me. 

She finally spoke. “I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but you deserve to know. He isn’t going to tell you, Y/N/N, but I like you and it isn’t fair.” 

“What are you rambling on about?” 

“Sirius cheated on you…” she finally blurted out. My whole body went numb. I didn’t even hear her say who it was with. I later found out it was Marlene. That was a whole other beast to deal with. We were never that close anyways, so it didn’t surprise me. 

Like I said, I knew his reputation. 

“Y/N/N? It was at the party. I don’t know if he was drunk or what. I wasn’t paying much attention. He begged me not to tell you and James even begged me to give him the chance to tell you. I did. It’s been nearly 5 days and he hadn’t and I couldn’t just watch him with you, acting normal. I’m sorry.” 

I realized then that I hadn’t said anything yet. I stood there, staring at the sinks behind Lily. I didn’t even look at her. My gaze shifted to my face in the mirror. The color had drained from my face. I couldn’t even see any emotion in my features. I could only feel my heart shattering into a million pieces. 

Then Lily asked those dreaded words. “Are you okay?” I looked at her, a blank stare still ensuing, “Oh, no. You’re mad at me. I am so sorry, really. I didn’t want to tell you all of this.” 

Words finally found their way to my lips. “I’m not mad at you, Lily. I’m mad at him. I’m going back to my room. I may see you tomorrow. I don’t know.” 

I bolted to the door and for the crowded halls. I didn’t want to be with anyone anymore. I heard Lily calling to me over the noise. “But, we still have classes today!” 

I wasn’t going to classes. I was processing. Processing was allowed right? I just found out that my boyfriend, correction, my now ex-boyfriend, cheated on me. I would face him later, but for now, I needed time to myself. 

With classes continuing, my room was completely empty. The moment the doors shut, the tears began to roll down my face. I scanned the contents next to my bed. There were those stupid flowers that Sirius had given me the previous Friday. 

I stood in front of them on my night stand. I felt all the hurt and anger that had been numb explode. They burst. My hands acted on their own accord. I picked up the flowers in my hand. They were so delicate, but the anger flowed through my veins and instinct threw them against the wall. When the noise of the limp plants didn’t give me any satisfaction, I followed the flowers with the vase. The smashing sound of glass against the wall was all I needed to hear to know that I was broken inside.

 I skipped my afternoon classes, falling into a heavy sleep, exhausted from the crying. It felt like a hippogriff had run me over. I got up to use the bathroom later and assess my running makeup and horrendous bed head. It was bad, but I didn’t care. I enchanted the door so that no one could come in. They’d only be able to enter when I gave permission. I just needed to be alone in this school that was now seeming all too small.

 When I skipped dinner too, I knew someone was bound to come searching for me eventually. Only, I was expecting Lily or one of my roommates to knock on my door. For some reason, the idea of Sirius coming to talk to me never crossed my mind. 

I heard someone attempt to push against the door as I curled up under my blankets. I felt like they would protect me from the world. 

“Love? I know you’re in there,” Sirius called out to me from behind the door. “You skipped classes and dinner.” 

His voice was so calm. Surely Lily told him that I knew the truth about his weekend. He should be a mess like I was right at that moment!

“Go away. I’m not feeling well,” I lied. I wasn’t ready to confront him then. I wasn’t ready to even look at him. 

“Evans told me,” he sighed. I could hear his fingernails scratching against the wood. Another pause. “I know you know.” 

“Then you know why I don’t really want to talk to you.” I couldn’t help but let the blunt words take the place of my gasping and sobbing. I’d rather him hear the harshness in my voice than any of the hurt. 

“Y/N, darling. I will take it all back if you just give me one chance. It was a moment of weakness, love. With the party and the alcohol, it just happened. It meant nothing though.” 

I had no response for him. I wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction. 45 minutes may have passed. Sirius tried to speak to me a few more times. I even heard him trying to counter the charm I used to lock the door, but he couldn’t. He had no choice but to leave. 

I endured the cooing and sympathies from my roommates, but I hated it. I hated feeling like this. I hated feeling hopeless. This wasn’t my fault. I was a victim, but I’m not weak. 

I couldn’t sleep all night, so I silently moved around the room and placed all of Sirius’ things in a bag. His records of the muggle music he adored, the remnants of the flowers, even the pictures of the two of us. I didn’t want them. 

I marched down to breakfast with the strong intent of telling him off in front of everyone. Everybody in this bloody school knew what had happened by now. I’m sure Marlene basked in the mess she caused and would tell anyone who wanted to hear about it. So, I wasn’t going to let our break-up be ruined by rumors. I’d let everyone witness it first-hand. 

I combed my hair. Redid my make-up. This didn’t hide the fact that I had been crying all day and night, but I don’t care. I needed to do this.

So now, here I am, standing outside the Great Hall. Students from all the houses are eating their breakfasts and I’m holding this bulging bag. 

I feel Lily Evans’ bright green eyes on me as I walk down the length of the Gryffindor table to where she was sitting with Sirius and the other Marauders. From the short glance towards her, I can’t tell if she is scared about what I am going to do or proud. I don’t really care at this point though. I am here on a mission. 

“Pads,” Remus whispers as he is the first one to see me walking towards the group (aside from Lily). 

I’m carrying this bag and just thinking to myself how strange it is to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers, and everything is just gone. His dark, piercing eyes met my own. He doesn’t look like a mess. He looks perfect like he always does. This recognition just fires the anger that has been building up inside of me all morning. 

“Y/N? You’re up! Excellent!” Sirius smiles at me. He reaches out to take the bag from me as if he’s helping. “I was thinking perhaps we could have a chat this morning before classes? We could go to the courtyard.” 

I examine him. He seems different to me now. He was pretending like nothing was wrong while he was in front of his friends. I can read him. I know this. 

“I don’t think so, Sirius. Those are your things.” I spit out at him, pointing to the bag now in his hands. Hoping that I am wearing a blank face, I watch his fall. I know he can tell what I’m feeling through my Y/E/C eyes. He always did say that they gave me away every time. 

“I told you last night though. It didn’t mean anything.” 

Scoffing, I can’t stop myself from shaking my head. “No, Sirius. Yesterday I found out about you and even now just looking at you feels absolutely wrong! I heard you last night. You say that you’d take it all back given one chance. It was a moment of weakness-” My arms were flailing as I began to yell. I’ve never been capable of keeping my voice down. I know I’m loud. “And you said yes!” The words bellow out of my throat and I feel like they echo. I don’t know. I’m mad. I’m not finished either. 

Sirius looks at me as if he wants to speak, so I have to cut him off quickly. 

“You don’t get to talk yet.” 

The silence of the Great Hall was deafening. I know that everyone is watching us. Although, I am feeling extra strong. Maybe all those girls that Sirius screwed over in the past were sending me their strength. 

“I was studying the night of the party. It was the first one that I missed and you messed it all up! Here’s what should have happened.” My hand motions are taking over as the words roll off my tongue. I didn’t even plan any of this. “You should’ve said no, you should’ve gone home, you should’ve thought twice before you let it all go. This school is so damn small that you should’ve known that word about what you did with her would get back to me!” 

Maybe I shouldn’t have just pointed to Marlene at that point…oh well. Put my focus back on Sirius. 

“I should have been there in the back of your mind. I shouldn’t be asking myself why all of this happened. You shouldn’t be sitting outside of my room begging for forgiveness at my feet. If you would’ve said no, we would still be together. I did everything right! This is your fault!” 

His eyes widened at my words. I can’t look at him anymore. I’m not eating breakfast, but it’s fine. I would be on a high from this for at least a little while. I could probably get through my morning classes. I don’t have any with Sirius, so that wouldn’t be a problem. I do have them with Remus, so that could pose an issue, but with what I am feeling right now, I can take it. 

“Y/N! Wait up!” Lily’s red hair chased me from the crowded hall. Her face was lighting up everything else. “That was awesome! I mean, Sirius isn’t looking too great, but you were fantastic! I think some people wanted to applaud you on your way out.” 

My high began to fade. I didn’t mean to make him feel awful. I just didn’t want to let it seem like he could walk all over me and what he did was okay. It isn’t okay! Cheating is one of the lowest things a person could do! 

Lily could see the uncertainty on my face. “Was I too hard on him? Should I have done that in private?” I could feel my eyes begin to puff and redden again. 

“He deserved it, Y/N/N. What he did to you wasn’t in private, so I think this is justice.” Lily smiled. 

That smile quickly fell. I turned to follow her line of sight. Sirius stood there, just looking at me. He was being quick to run up to me. 

“Can we please talk?” 

“That’s not a good idea.” 

“I said I’m sorry. It’s all in the past!” His eyes are pleading with me, but I just can’t do it. “I want to be with you, Y/N! I have wanted to be with you for the longest time. It was just a moment of weakness. If you could just give me a chance, please?” 

“You hurt me, Black.” I needed to stop and cringe. I used to only call him by his last name and it felt wrong to be using it again. “You can tell I’ve been crying, just look at my eyes! I’m sure everyone can see it. And you know all the right things to say! You’ve always been good with words. That’s one of the reasons I fell for you. But do you honestly expect me to believe that we could ever be the same after this? You should’ve said no, Black.” 

I turn to walk away, Lily being supportive next to me, but something is tugging on me, a question I didn’t realize I had, so I turn back to Sirius. 

“I need to ask you something before I go. I can’t resist. Was it worth it? Was she worth all of this?” 

Sirius hung his head. I haven’t seen him like this since he decided to leave home, and I was just a friend at that point. “No. She wasn’t.” 

I nod, accepting the fact that he understands that he messed up. Maybe, in the future I can forgive him for this and even be friends, but like I said, we could never be the same. Walking away right now seems like the best option for me though. With Lily beside me, I am going to go to classes and I am going to heal and move on. I said my peace to Sirius Black. He made a mistake, but I would not be the victim of the next one. 

[nevermindrussia]

I posted 33 times in 2021

25 posts created (76%)

8 posts reblogged (24%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.3 posts.

I added 120 tags in 2021

#russian language - 21 posts

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My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Matryoshka is not a Russian thing

A wooden nesting doll called «матрёшка» (matryoshka) is maybe the first thing you think about when you think of Russian souvenirs. You may get the impression it's a native Russian toy. You know, kinda since ancient times smudgy-faced peasant children played with it while sitting in «изба» (Russian hut) upon a large and warm «русская печь» (Russian stove, the center of a hut, which lower part was used for cooking food and warming the room, also it's upper one worked as a warm bed for some family members).

It's nothing to do with the truth!

The first nesting doll was made in Russia only about 1890, when the upper class of Russian society became tired of European fashion trends they followed for centuries since Peter the Great. The new trend named "Russian Style", based on traditional Russian ornaments, costume design etc. became incredibly popular not only in Russia, but across Europe in common. It's no exxageration to say that matryoshka originally was created as a Russian souvenir to impress foreigners, definetly not for Russian children to play with.

But the idea of nesting dolls was not even Russian. The prototype for matryoshka was a Japanese wooden figure, representing Seven Gods of Happiness. It was brought to Russia by the wife of Savva Mamontov, the famous businessman an patron of arts.

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33 notes • Posted 2021-03-17 17:08:43 GMT

#4

Hi there! Today I've realized my blog consists of long reads almost completely. So I need some short and easy posts of Russian language and culture — like "word of the day", you know. But I reckon "word of the day" posts are too boring. Thats why I open a series dedicated to most curious Russian idioms!

And the first one will be

Дойти до ручки

[doiti do ruchki], lit. "to reach a handle"

Means "to find oneself in a very bad situation, to hit the bottom". The origin of it's idiom is related to old Russian bread named калач [kalach]. In XVI—XVIIth centuries it was considered a delicacy (made of wheat only, without adding more cheap rye flour). One could buy it in a town while visiting a fair or the like. Also it was padlock-shaped, like that:

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41 notes • Posted 2021-03-23 15:43:06 GMT

#3

Icicle, cuckoo and umbrella: reverse derivatives in Russian

Today I'm gonna tell you of 3 very interesting and very different words in Russian. What have they in common is that all of them are reverse derivatives. It means that they descend from words, that seem like their derivatives (diminutives, to be precise), but in fact are not. So let's look through examples:

1. Зонт [zont] - an umbrella

The most interesting thing of this word is that in modern Russian language it is absolutely literal and commonly used, despite of it's origin. And the origin was the total linguistic mistake - but made too long ago, that's all the point))

So the word what зонт is descending from, is «zonnedek» (Dutch, "a sun-protecting tent over a deck"). It was one of navy terms, which was brought to Russia by Peter the Great. The first Russian Emperor was extremely fond of Europe, it's people's culture and skills, especially shipbuilding and navigation. So zonnedek had become a trendy thing not only among sailors. Some noble citizens had started to use portable sun tents - umbrellas - calling them so. But very few of them was educated enough to understand Dutch, so very soon zonnedek had transformed to зонтик [zontik] - which had sounded a more familiar to Russian people. Then -ик had been determined as a diminutive suffix (like in ключ - ключик, брат - братик), and of course eliminated in order for word to sound more respectable. So today we have зонт in every dictionary, despite of using it mostly for protection not of the sun - zonne - but of the rain. And the vast majority of Russian people have never heard of зонтик as the original form of this word. We use it, but as a normal diminutive. «Девочке подарили красивый яркий зонтик» - "The little girl was given a nice vivid umbrella", but «Мужчина держал в руке стильный черный зонт, явно недешевый» - "The man was holding a stylish black umbrella, looking definitely pricey".

2. Сосуля [sosulya] - an icicle

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43 notes • Posted 2021-12-16 00:34:22 GMT

#2

How to call a Russian by name without looking stupid: various names for various cases feat. the greatest fuckup of 20th Century Fox

Last year while visiting India I've met a beautiful American lady named Shawny in a Delhi hostel. I introduced myself as Настя [nastya]. Then, while talking of lots of stuff, I mentioned that my full name is Анастасия [anastasiya]. Shawny had got very curious about it and asked me, if there are another forms of this name. So I'd started telling, and up to the end she was completely shocked :-) She said: "What kind of long and complicated names you Russians have! I'm Shawny, or ms. Smith, and that's all!" :-) Today I'd like to tell you of this great variety of Russian names too, using as an example my own name.

So, I'm Анастасия. That's my full given name. But in common life there are two other most frequently used forms.

One of them is the most formal. It includes full given name and patronymic. Russian patronymics form from a person's father name, using the «-вич» (m.) or «-вна» (f.) suffixes (generally; there also may be variations due to particular names). My father's name was Михаил [mikhail] (just like in my recent bear post, yeah :-)). So my name with a patronymic is Анастасия Михайловна [anastasiya mikhailovna].

That's how people call each other in formal environment. For ex., if you come to some government or business office to meet some respectable person (let his full name be Иван Иванович Иванов [ivan ivanovich ivanov]), you should say «Мне назначена встреча с Иваном Ивановичем» ("I've got an appointment with Ivan Ivanovich") — while in English you'd rather say "I've got an appointment with mr. Ivanov".

"Mr. Ivanov" is literally translated to Russian as «господин Иванов» [gospodin ivanov] — and actually some people in Russia of early 1990th started using it due to the new trend for borrowing Western lifestyle and communication models. But as it's a calque, it sounds a bit comical, and we almost never use it for today.

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50 notes • Posted 2021-03-26 16:44:46 GMT

#1

Anatomy of гопник. Russian hooligans and where to find them (better not to)

Гопник [gopnik] is a member of a very salient Russian antisocial low-class subculture. Гопники [gopniki] (pl. from «гопник») may be translated as "hooligans", "gangsters", "bandits", "bullies", "punks", "white trash" and so on; in fact they are all of it in various proportions.

It all began in the end of XIXth century in St. Petersgurg, with creating a special institution named «Городское общество призора» [gorodskoye obschestvo prizora], "The Municipal Society for Supervision". It's "clients" were беспризорники [besprizorniki] — "waifs", the children and teenagers without parents, who lived on streets, made gangs and got their living by stealing and banditry. They were meant to be reformed and reeducated in order to return them to normal lifestyle; but it was not so easy. After the October Revolution of 1917 the society building was handed over for Городское общежитие пролетариата [gorodskoe obschezhitie proletariata], "The Municipal Dormitory for Proletarians" — with the most of it's inhabitants.

As you can see, the acronym for both institutions was ГОП.

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67 notes • Posted 2021-04-03 06:58:29 GMT

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[fireladybuckley]

You Set My Heart on Fire (Part 4)

or: The 5 times Buck tries to hide that he’s in love with his best friend and the 1 time it all comes out.

Fandom: 9-1-1 Pairing: Buddie - Evan Buckley (Buck) x Eddie Diaz Word Count: Part 4: 1632 Summary:  Buck struggles with his realization that he’s in love with his best friend, constantly getting flustered, turned on, or full on heart-eyes around Eddie, until it all eventually comes crashing down in the best way.

Chapter 4 summary: Stuck on a treadmill while Eddie lifts weights nearby nearby, Buck tries to pace himself and ends up failing miserably.

Read it on Ao3

Read Part 1: here Read Part 2: here Read Part 3: here Read Part 5: here Read Part 6: here

Beta’d by the absolutely amazing @firemedicdiaz​ <3

                Chapter 4:  Buck Tries to Literally Outrun His Problem          

            The fourth time it happened, Buck tried so hard to hide it that he nearly passed out.

            Maddie had gotten him a smart watch for his birthday and he’d been dying to try out the fitness features.   So that day at work he strapped it on, fiddled with the options, and hopped onto the treadmill to test it.

             The watch let out a small beep every time his heart beat to keep track of his pulse, and Buck settled into a nice easy jog, listening to the steady beeps and slowly increasing his speed, interested to see how much his heart rate elevated based on how much effort he put into his stride.

             Buck had escalated to a light run when he glanced up and noticed that Eddie had entered the workout area and was setting the weight on one of the chest press machines.  Buck groaned internally as he watched Eddie pull off his hoodie and sit down in a black tank top on the machine.   Eddie looked up, and upon seeing Buck glancing over at him, gave a little smile and wave, which Buck returned, swearing profusely under his breath.  Buck looked away as his watch started to beep faster, despite the fact that he wasn’t running any faster, and tried to control his breathing.

             Buck resolved to not look at Eddie, to just focus on his own workout, but once Eddie started using the machine and there was the regular thunking sound of the weights lifting up and down, occasionally accompanied by Eddie’s grunts of effort, Buck couldn’t help but let his eyes stray in Eddie’s direction.  This was definitely a mistake;  the second Buck laid eyes on Eddie his heart rate quickened, and Buck heard the beeps increasing in response.  

             To explain away the rise in his heart rate, Buck began to run a bit faster.  Unfortunately, his eyes kept wandering back to Eddie, even though he kept trying to look away.  After a moment he gave up trying to resist and watched Eddie as he ran.  Eddie’s face was a mask of concentration and Buck bit his lip as he watched Eddie’s arms strain as he pulled on the machine, raising the considerable weight behind him.  

             Buck’s heart rate increased again so he increased his speed to match, still at a comfortable pace as his eyes travelled up Eddie’s arms to his sweaty face and back again, watching his muscles tighten and relax as he moved.  It was incredibly sexy, both from a visual perspective and also Buck was incredibly turned on by just how strong Eddie was as he watched the stack of weights rise and lower over and over.  After a while, Eddie stopped his reps on that particular machine and Buck looked away quickly as Eddie stood, not wanting to be caught watching him.

             Buck shot a sideways glance over at Eddie after a few moments and saw that he’d gone to the bench press and was attaching the weights to it.  Buck grabbed his water bottle and tried to take a sip as he ran, dribbling some of it down his front and glad that Eddie hadn’t seen as he reached up to wipe his chin.  By the time he glanced back, Eddie had settled himself on the bench and began slowly lowering the bar to his chest.  Buck watched, captivated, feeling lust shoot through him once more as his heart rate elevated again.

             Cursing under his breath and praying Eddie wasn’t noticing these constant increases in his heart rate, Buck forced himself to look away and began to run faster.  The cycle continued for several more minutes;  Buck found the willpower to look away, sped up his run,and then his willpower crumbled and he looked over at Eddie again, which inevitably lead to another increase in his heart rate as he took in just how attracted he was to Eddie and it pounded through his brain like his feet were pounding the treadmill.

             Eventually, Buck was running at nearly full tilt and his watch was beeping so fast he couldn’t keep track anymore.  He had finally stopped looking over at Eddie, forced to concentrate to be able to maintain his speed.  His feet slammed into the treadmill belt over and over, and he was quickly starting to tire, running out of breath, sweat pouring down his face as he attempted to keep pace with his racing heart.  He didn’t know how he was going to get out of this one;  he could slow down and stop, but Eddie might notice that his heart rate was faster than it should be.  But on the other hand, if Buck kept this sprint up, he was not going to last much longer and he’d be eating floor when he lost traction and fell.

             “Buck!  Slow down!”

             Buck looked around to see that Eddie had sat up on the bench and was looking over at him in concern, clearly having noticed that he was running like his life depended on it.  When Buck didn’t respond, Eddie got up and walked over to him, shaking his head.

             “Are you going for a record or something, man?  You need to slow down, your heart rate is way too fast.”

             Eddie gestured to the watch beeping on Buck’s wrist and Buck kept on running, trying not to concede defeat, but knowing that he had no choice but to slow down.  As embarrassing as this could be, it would be worse to go flying off the treadmill because he couldn’t keep the pace anymore.   Nodding because he was unable to speak through his ragged breath, Buck hit the buttons on the treadmill to slow himself down, first into a slower run, then a jog, then a walk.  

             Finally he came to a stop and shakily stepped off of the treadmill, holding tightly onto the bar beside it as his chest heaved, his legs like jelly.  Eddie grabbed his water bottle and handed it to him, and Buck gratefully shot some into his mouth, still breathing hard and holding himself up.   Eddie watched him closely as he tried to catch his breath, the beeps from his watch filling the silence around them.   Buck reached down and pried the buckle of the watch open - difficult to do with shaking hands - and stuffed the finally quiet watch into his shorts pocket.

             “You okay?” Eddie asked, his tone cautious as he watched Buck’s face closely.  “You were running pretty damn fast.”

             “Yeah, just… wanted to push myself,” Buck gasped, still holding onto the treadmill railing for balance as his heart thumped uncomfortably fast in his chest, still breathless.  It was mostly because of the running, but Eddie standing so close to him was not helping.

             “Well, your heart rate was too high, you should sit down.”

             “Oh, I think that th-thing’s broken,” Buck said, attempting to sound casual, before remembering that Eddie knew he’d just gotten it as a gift and it was brand new.

             “Uh huh.  Let me be the judge of that,” Eddie responded in a slightly sarcastic tone.  Before Buck could react, Eddie had grabbed Buck’s forearm in one of his hands and settled two fingers over Buck’s radial pulse point.  Buck immediately panicked internally, both because he knew Eddie was on to him and also because the feeling of Eddie’s hands on his skin was driving him mad.   But Eddie was gripping his forearm tightly enough that Buck would have to wrench himself hard to get away, and he’d already flinched away from Eddie several times in the last week or two;  he didn’t want to give Eddie the wrong impression, like he didn’t want to be touched.   He and Eddie had never been weird about casual touches, and he didn’t want to ruin that now.

             “It’s still pretty fast,” Eddie murmured, his voice low as he focused on counting the beats below his fingers, glancing at his watch.  Buck swallowed hard and thought “I wonder why that is?”, looking away from Eddie’s face, wishing he could sink into a hole, unable to control his racing heart.

             “That's it, I’ve decided.  Enough running for you today.  You need to have some lunch.”

             Eddie’s voice was authoritative and Buck nodded, obeying without a second thought as Eddie gestured for him to move out of the workout area and pointed at the stairs.  Buck obediently moved over to the stairs, figuring it was just best to do what he was told.  He was still feeling a bit shaky from how fast he’d been running and he didn’t trust himself to take off to the showers alone just yet.  Buck followed Eddie up the stairs and flopped down in a chair as Eddie told him to sit, watching as Eddie moved over to the fridge and pulled out some leftovers for them to eat.

             Buck’s heart skipped several beats as a smiling Eddie brought him a plate of food and set it down in front of him.  Buck did his best to eat his food as he tried not to look too closely into Eddie’s eyes, fearing he might get lost forever and make the confession that was always just on the tip of his tongue.  They spent the next twenty minutes or so in what appeared to be amiable, general conversation, but in actuality was Buck falling more deeply in love with Eddie with every syllable the other man spoke.  By the time a call came in and they were forced to abandon their nearly empty plates, Buck was feeling light-headed with that wonderful, floaty feeling of falling in love for the first time, and couldn’t stop himself smiling all the way to the call, despite the looks everyone kept shooting him, wondering what he was so damn happy about.

----------------

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[punkpoemprose]

December 14th- A Convenient Arrangement Part 6

Universe: Canonverse Arranged Marriage AU Rating:T Length: 6083 Words A/N: Dear reader, there is only one bed. And a lot of feelings before there is only one bed. More feelings about there being only one bed in the following chapter which will probably come soon?

Thanks for hanging in here with me. Everyone who reblogs, messages, leaves comments or tags gets a star sticker and a hug because the feedback keeps me writing and I love it!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

Kristoff watched cautiously as Anna sat on a small stone near Pabbie’s home and listened to the old troll tell her the same information that had been shared with him earlier in the day. It had been confusing to him at first, particularly because he scarcely remembered anything about his early years with the trolls and the time of his life he spent without them. Anna had been even younger than he had been when their paths had first crossed, and she was having difficulty remembering it to the point that Kristoff wondered whether it had really happened at all.

The trolls didn’t lie, but they had also been alive for several human lifespans, and sometimes they forgot details or transposed dates, and it certainly wasn’t something that Kristoff could ever hold against them. They knew more about the history of the land than he could ever imagine learning, not to mention all the information they knew about magic and nature that he was certain no human could ever hope to understand with such mastery.

What if I just dragged her here to be confused and scared instead of comforted and informed?

He almost wanted to take her to the side and apologize when Pabbie looked at her with a serious gaze, like he wasn’t quite sure what had gone wrong. He wanted to tell her that he had only meant to comfort her the way he’d been comforted earlier in the day, and that he wanted her to feel safe with him and his family. He wanted to ask what she needed and give it to her.

I want to take care of her.

He realized in that moment that there was something he could do to that end, signaling for one of his uncles to come to his side.

“Can you bring a message to the city for me?” he asked as Anna continued, not too far off, to talk in quiet but confused tones with Pabbie.

“Of course. I just hope the Queen will remember us better than her sister.”

He sighed. He wanted to chide the troll for the tone of confusion. He wanted to tell him to cut Anna some slack for not remembering, because he wasn’t even sure it had been her at all. At least he knew that the Queen must know of the treaties between the crown and the trolls, or that at least one magic wielder might understand another.

The trolls usually tried not to leave their valley, particularly because they didn’t need to do so, but they were capable of it. He’d noticed them sometimes out of the corner of his eye, hiding in parts of the city at night when they were curious enough to explore. He knew that some of the people knew of them well enough to leave them alone, while others knew enough of them to be frightened by them, which was of course little to nothing as anyone who knew more than what to call them knew they were harmless.

“Please just tell the Queen that… well you’re my family and that her sister is safe and well. Tell her we got caught up talking and that we’ll be staying the night in the mountains and returning in the morning.”

The troll smiled, “Oh, staying the night is she? Do you want me to send some of your aunts and sisters over to make up that little cabin of yours?”

The wink the troll gave him was exaggerated, and Kristoff couldn’t help but feel grateful that Anna was too busy speaking with Pabbie to notice. He wasn’t meaning to be crass, but Kristoff couldn’t help but give him an annoyed look as she shook his head and sighed.

“No. Just let the Queen know please. I’d rather not be beheaded first thing in the morning when the palace guards get sent out in search of the Princess and think I’ve kidnapped her.”

The troll laughed, and Kristoff couldn’t tell if he understood that he was being serious or not. He hadn’t really thought much about Anna leaving the castle with him that morning. He’d always come and gone places as he liked in his life. It had never struck him to think for a moment about how his wife wasn’t allowed to do the same until they’d left the castle gates and she’d been so rapt with attention and focused on every detail of the town and the wood beyond the castle gates.

He’d shown her the places she’d never known existed before. There were natural hot springs, overlooks, waterfalls, and groves of apple trees she’d never seen. He’d stopped and slowed to let her see them as they rode along, and while they’d made good time on their trip into the mountains, he’d never wanted to avoid a stop that might interest her.

Is that what love feels like?

He shook off the thought and watched as the troll, still laughing at him and shaking his head, set off toward the edge of the clearing. Once there he started to quickly roll down the path that Kristoff knew was the quickest way to get to the capitol city from the mountains. He took comfort in the fact that as quick as the trolls could move the trip was not likely to take long, and that soon enough Anna’s sister would know that she was safe.

Hopefully she’ll take the word of a troll.

He turned his attention back to Anna and his grandfather. It seemed, as he walked back to their space, that there had not been any major breakthroughs on getting her to remember the moment that their paths crossed as children. It was odd to him that she wouldn’t remember anything that had happened to her. Though, when he thought about it a bit harder, he felt like he could remember the little red haired girl, the one that Pabbie thought was Anna, being asleep through the whole interaction.

“Pabbie?” he interrupted, wondering if perhaps the revelation might prove useful, or at least allow Anna some respite.

He could see that she was tired. It had been a long day, and having the same information thrown at him earlier in the day with a better memory of the events had been exhausting enough. He could tell she was frustrated and trying her best not to show it. It was written all over her posture, the way her fists were balled up on her knees, and the way her head was hung a little low so that she wasn’t quite making eye contact.

The old troll looked at him, but Kristoff’s focus was much more on Anna when she looked up at him. He saw that there was a shine to her eye, that she was frustrated to the point of tears.

You shouldn’t have brought her here.

He stepped closer and kneeled down at her side, offering her his hand. He felt relieved when she took it, and then warm when she used it to beckon him closer, leaning on him a bit when he complied to the physical request. They’d broken more unspoken cautionary boundaries today than they had on the wedding night.

Even their wedding kiss didn’t feel as intimate as her seeking his touch and support felt. He could almost fool himself into believing that what she felt for him was growing from partner in a bad situation to friend, to maybe something more like an actual spouse. He wanted to be that for her.

“I was just thinking… the girl… Anna, if it was her. She was asleep the whole time. How could she remember if her eyes weren’t open.”

The old troll looked thoughtful for a moment, and then Kristoff watched as he started piecing together the memories of the night that had been the subject of Kristoff’s thoughts for the entire evening. It was the day that the trolls had adopted him as their own, the day he’d followed a trail of ice to their valley and watched what he’d been told was the royal family meet with his grandfather.

He supposed that it had to have been them, unless of course ice powers and looking like the royal family were much more common traits than he had been lead to believe. It was what he rationalized bringing her to the trolls with. Somehow their whole situation felt a little bit better if the trolls were right and the early events of her life were tied to his.

Fate might be real, or it might be a load of crap, but either way it’s something to believe in and that feels good.

“You might be onto something Kristoff,” the old troll said, and then after another moment of silence he added, “Of course… Anna, do you remember your sister having powers when you were young?”

She looked thoughtful for a moment as Kristoff turned his head to look at her where she was leaned against his side. Her brow scrunched and she squeezed his fingers where they were interlaced with hers. She looked off into the distance, and he watched her space out as she thought about her younger years.

He was worried that they’d hit another roadblock when she shook her head.

“No, I was surprised as anyone when she froze the fountain… I’m sorry, but I don’t remember anything but just the two of us playing.”

“I did a good job then,” the old troll said with a smile.

He made a broad gesture then with his hands, sweeping them through the air like something hung in it that only he could see. He swirled his hands in it, gathering something that Kristoff realized was becoming visible, glowing and glittering along his fingertips.

With an abrupt shift, that made them both jump, the old troll leaned forward and settled his hand on Anna’s forehead, the light settling into her skin as he eyes fluttered shut.

***

She was small and she was building a snowman. His name was olaf, and he was very cold, but he loved warm hugs. She hugged him, her little arms unable to span his snow body, but the love she felt for him was bigger than she was. Elsa giggled from behind the snowman, carefree, in a way she hadn’t seen her in years.

Then Elsa was with her again, this time making a sled of ice for them to slip down an icy hill on. Anna hadn’t recalled it not being a wooden sled before, but it made sense. No wooden sled wooshed the way they did on the ice. No wooden sled felt so cool under her.

She saw them again, Elsa making little snow dolls for her to play with, even though it was bedtime. Anna made them smooch because she always liked it when her toys were in a story about true love and marriage. It made her sad, for a moment, to remember that.

Then, she felt a knot grow in her stomach as she recalled a night long since forgotten. Elsa was building her little snow hills, and she was jumping quickly from one to another. She was jumping higher and higher and higher, but then there wasn’t another column below her, and she started to fall. She saw Elsa try to help, saw the flash of her sister’s ice come towards her, and then everything after was dark and cold.

She tried to push through it, to remember more, but not more memories would come, because they had never been formed.

I was asleep.

She felt a warmth at her side, and she let herself take a deep breath before opening her eyes. The old troll had been right of course. The night she couldn’t remember had likely been the very same night Kristoff came to the valley, following the ice from her wound and from Elsa’s anxious inability to control her powers.

When she opened her eyes Kristoff was staring down at her. She’d been pulled into his lap, and she thought, for a moment, about closing her eyes and staying there for a moment.

Her head hurt. There was a sort of congested soreness behind her eyes that radiated out to her temples as more memories, little ones about snowball fights and flurries and ice skating filtered back into her thoughts. Kristoff put his hand against her forehead, as if he were checking her temperature, and Anna noticed some of the pain fall away.

It was no magic that helped her feel better of course, just the warmth of his hand and the gentleness of the gesture that made her feel like all of this truly had been fate.

She looked up at him, and then above him, to the clear and cloudless night that had come on as she talked to Pabbie. She wondered if she looked hard enough, whether she could see herself and Kristoff written in the stars like any of the other constellations.

She’d had a tutor once who’d told her that constellations were just stars, a million miles away, that weren’t rigid structures so much that they were interpolated shapes, lines that humans drew in the ocean of stars above to tell themselves a story. She stared up at them, past Kristoff’s concerned features, and picked a handful that she thought looked a bit like interlocking circles, give or take a few stars.

That’s us.

Two circles crossing over each other, linked by fate. And by a wedding. And maybe by more.

The stars twinkled as she gazed upon them, and she thought that maybe they too were a sign. She hoped that they were telling her that everything would be alright.

Kristoff’s thumb moved a bit of hair away from her eyes, swiping it away easily as he held her in his lap, against him, against his arm. The almost brain freeze-like pain faded away the longer his hand rested against her forehead, and she let her eyes drift back closed.

***

Kristoff had been worried that she had been injured. He trusted Pabbie of course, but when she’d slumped a bit at his side and had stayed weak and slumped for a while after her memories had been returned, he had been afraid that something had gone wrong.

She’d come out of the shock of it a few short minutes later though, and he’d held her in his lap for a long while before she’d sat up on her own. They’d talked to Pabbie a bit more after, about how Kristoff had only found his family because of her family’s accident. It felt strange to think that they’d met before, her and the trolls, and that Kristoff had seen her that night.

She hadn’t remembered it because she’d been asleep, and she hadn’t remembered anything before that because the memories had been taken from her. That hurt to think about, that there were all these wonderful memories of her sister being her authentic self that were gone to her for so long.

The old troll had explained the need to remove the memories, the fact that with her being so young, Elsa’s magic might have done worse than just changed her hair if the memory of it had been left there. She knew that of course, having been struck again with her sister’s cold fairly recently and almost dying because of it. It had only been her own urge to protect Elsa that had saved her life.

She looked over to Kristoff, as they broke into the clearing where his small home sat. He had a thoughtful look on his face that she could scarcely read in the dim light provided by the moon and stars above them. He’d wrapped his arm around her for the walk back, steadying her on the path as they walked through shadows and she thought that maybe he was also trying to warm her.

The summer night was not particularly cold per say, but still she shivered.

She wondered what he would do when she told him about being struck with her sister’s ice for a second time. She wasn’t sure if he would understand, and she didn’t want his pity. She didn’t think she needed to warn him about it either. It was just something she thought he might like to know.

I just want someone to know.

Plenty of people knew, really. The royal council, Elsa, some of the staff, but no one had talked with her about it. No one asked how it had felt, how she’d felt her life ending and knew that she was powerless to stop anything but the end for her sister as well. It had been a miracle that they’d both survived, but there had been no time to breathe after.

“I sent someone to tell your sister you’d be staying,” he said quietly, “Hopefully she wasn’t too worried about how long we’ve been gone.”

Anna flushed. She’d forgotten about making sure Elsa knew they were alright. She still wasn’t sure if her sister had even gotten the note that she’d left for her.

In hindsight she could have probably handled the whole situation better, but she had just wanted to leave the castle, to be alone with her new husband for a while. Elsa, she knew, was still uncomfortable and fearful about the whole situation. Anna was as well, but she’d spent at least a little time with Kristoff and knew that he was the sort of person who would close off around others. If she really wanted to get to know him, it wasn’t something that could be done with the trailing guards Elsa would have insisted on.

She could already imagine the speech she was going to get from her sister when she arrived home. The air around her felt colder even thinking about it.

“Anna?”

He’d said something while she was thinking, but she hadn’t heard him. She still couldn’t completely see his face due to the dimness of the light around them, but she thought that maybe he was smiling. He probably realized she had spaced out, and she appreciated that he didn’t seem to get annoyed or upset with her when she did so.

If he did it would be a long and frustrating marriage.

She hoped that it would, of course, be a long one.

“I’m sorry, I was thinking about something.”

He nodded and extended a hand to her, offering her assistance to enter the cabin. She took the offered hand, but didn’t move, awaiting a repeat of what he’d just said.

“It’s alright, I was just letting you know there’s a tinderbox and a lantern inside. I already brought in the food you packed earlier. I suppose it’s a good thing we brought along extra. I had food here, but you probably wouldn’t have cared for it.”

Her heart started to pound. He made it sound like he was leaving her alone, and that was the last thing she wanted. Their walk back from the valley where the trolls resided had been a quiet one, and she felt like there was so much to say.

I don’t like to be alone.

She couldn’t say that though.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

He shrugged, “I thought I’d stay the night in the stable. You’d be more comfortable without me I’m sure.”

“I would not. You will not,” she said, the response instant and a bit rude, but she couldn’t help it.

She’d spoken the words like a command, but really she didn’t want to put him out. She would never expect him to be put into an uncomfortable position for her, especially not at his own home. More than that, she wanted him to stay with her. They’d been together all day and he hadn’t stepped even a toe out of the line they’d made together on their wedding night. He’d kept her safe, and he’d introduced her to his family. It was more than she’d ever dreamed their trip would be, and he’d, in a roundabout way, given her back her memories. She couldn’t possibly ever thank him enough for that. The least she could do was ensure he spent the night in his own bed.

“Please,” she said, this time a bit more controlled, “Stay.”

His jaw clenched, and she could feel the tension in him, even with the darkness between them she knew he was uncomfortable. She’d put him into a situation where he needed to make a choice, and while she took comfort in the fact that this time she had, in fact, afforded him the option of choice, she still felt a bit bad about acting as if she had any right to demand anything of him.

Her free hand raised up slowly, and before she could talk herself out of it, she cupped his cheek in her palm. The light stubble there scratched at her palm, and she wondered, for a moment, how it might feel to press a kiss there.

She flushed at the thought, grateful for the cover of darkness.

She felt his head tip, ever so slightly, into the touch. Her fingers tingled at the encouragement of the contact, and she let her thumb run across the top of his cheekbone, watching as he closed his eyes.

He sighed. It was a soft and quiet thing. She thought maybe even a relenting sound.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll stay here with you tonight.”

***

He wasn’t sure why he’d agreed to her demand that he stay the night with her. Really it wasn’t a demand per say. It had seemed like one at first, but then she’d pleaded, and touched him so gently, and he couldn’t say no. It had been hard to see her expression in the dark, but he had been able to feel the need heavy in the air between them.

He never really knew what was proper. She was his wife, but she was in many ways, still a stranger. Spending the night in the same space as her didn’t feel right to his conscious.

You did stay the night with her on your wedding night.

He tried to tell himself that it was different, because they’d fallen asleep together by accident, and this was an act with intention. He tried to sooth his concerns with the promise that he’d sleep on the floor and leave the bed to her, but he already had the feeling that she wouldn’t stand for it.

His bed was so small though. He wasn’t sure that they would both fit in it without being so tight together that she would surely be uncomfortable.

She wasn’t uncomfortable touching your cheek. She wasn’t uncomfortable in your lap.

He closed the door of the stable behind him, thinking of it as the point of no return as he walked back towards his home. The light from the lantern in his hand flickered gently in a light breeze that buffeted the dark grass below his feet. In the window of the cabin he saw the outline of Anna, his wife, watching him return.

A nearly identical lamp sat in the windowsill before her, and he watched as it danced in return. Her hair looked even redder than normal, lit only by firelight.

He’d never thought about the type of woman he’d marry, but now that he was wedded to Anna, he couldn’t help but be charmed by her. She had bright eyes and a soft smile. Her personality was pure sunshine, dulled only by moments of deep melancholy that he was unsure if he could yet ask her about. He wanted to know her better, in a variety of ways. But seeing her now, waiting for him in just her underclothes, red hair like flames loose around her shoulders, he thought that he might want to know her in one very specific way.

He hoped that she couldn’t see his flush as he tried to think about anything but how easy it would be to slip her chemise from her shoulders. She’d already rid herself of her corset.

You’ve barely known her three days.

He huffed a sigh and tried to regain control of his thoughts.

She’s three years younger than you. She’s young and beautiful and stuck with you. Don’t think of impossible things.

Instead he forced himself to walk towards the front door with no intentions beyond maybe some conversation if she’d like, and sleeping.

And maybe hugging her goodnight.

He thought that maybe she’d like that.

***

Anna’s heart raced as he returned indoors and quietly and quickly removed his boots, his vest, his socks, and then nothing else. He grabbed a spare quilt from the end of his bed, passing her as he went, but saying nothing as he set it on the floor.

“What are you doing?”

He looked at her, and she noticed that he was flushed. She wasn’t certain of why, but she assumed that it was because she’d caught him in the act of something she wouldn’t approve of. She wouldn’t disapprove of much at the moment, save for him trying to sleep in the stables again, or perhaps on the floor.

“Getting ready for bed.”

The answer was a quiet one, simple. He gave her no more information than she asked for. It made her want to stomp over to him and drag him across the room, to the bed and keep him there all night.

“On the floor?”

He shrugged and she frowned. She could feel a wall building between them, one that hadn’t been there before dinner or before he’d gone out to take care of Sven for the night. It was frustrating, the feeling that they’d finally come to some kind of middle ground, where they were opening up to each other and then to watch it slip out of reach again.

“The bed’s not big enough for the both of us.”

“I think you might be surprised,” she said, glancing between him and the bed, “You’ll find I can take up very little space if the situation requires.”

I spent my whole childhood virtually invisible. You’ll see how small I can be.

“You won’t be comfortable with me there… I’m just trying to do the right thing Anna.”

“Don’t I get a say in what the right thing is?”

She felt something in her stomach tangle into knots. It had been a long day, and now she was fighting with him over something that shouldn’t matter at all. It was just that she wasn’t ready to be alone yet, even if it was just a few feet away. She wanted him closer.

I just want to pretend, just for tonight, that this is a real marriage.

I just want to be wanted.

Hot tears stung at her eyes, not for the first time that day. She did her best to hold them back, but she was feeling conflicted and frustrated and embarrassed. They were strangers, and she wanted him in bed with her. She knew that she should feel worse about it, that she should stop arguing and just go to sleep because he was being a good man to her and she couldn’t demand that he change his views on their union, but she couldn’t tell herself that her feelings weren’t real and she couldn’t pretend anymore that she wasn’t feeling something for him, even three days into their marriage of convenience.

He stared at her, and she thought that she saw a flare of frustration in his eyes. She couldn’t call it anger though. He was still a stranger, but he was her husband and as much as she knew of him, she already understood that he wasn’t going to be angry with her. Not over being upset after a long day, so for the first time in a long time she decided just to let loose.

“Do you know when the last time anyone asked me what I thought was right for me? The last time that anyone asked me to make any decisions about my life that mattered? Because the answer is never. I can see that clearly now that I have all my early memories back, which, you know, my parents consented to having removed and never replaced until now when, thankfully, I ended up married to the one man in the world that had a connection that let me get them back. No one has ever let me decide what was right for me a day in my life Kristoff and fighting back against that nearly got me and my sister killed. It’s the reason why we’re married, because I tried to make a choice, screwed up my one and only shot at it, and people I barely know convinced my sister they knew what was best for me. You don’t have to change your decisions because I want to be free to make mine, but I would appreciate it if I could be included in the conversation over whether something involving me is right or wrong.”

She was shouting, but her throat felt tight. She knew that the heat on her cheeks was from tears, but she didn’t bother to wipe them away.

You sound like a petulant child.

It was true. She did, but she refused to feel bad about it. She’d been unable to throw a good fit since she was very small, and somehow despite probably alienating her husband in the process, it felt good to just let some of the frustration and rage escape. Of course she still knew that her memories being taken from her was a necessity, but it was just another broken straw in the wake of how her parents had raised her, how her family had paved the road to her current hell with nothing but good intentions and no willingness to see past the end of their noses to ask her what she needed.

“I’m…”

She couldn’t say she was sorry.

I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m lonely and confused and I need someone.

She heard him approaching her, but she couldn’t look up to meet his eye. She still wasn’t sorry, but she was embarrassed.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest, warm and solid.

She wrapped her arms around him in return, bringing herself into his space as much as possible until she was crying into his shirt and melting into his frame while his hands ran up and down her back. There was a nervousness and uncertainty to the slow and stuttering way he touched her, as if he was afraid of letting his hands move too quickly, or too low.

It was comforting nevertheless, and she let herself breathe through it. When one hand found her hair, she squeezed him a bit tighter, encouraging the touch. No one had ever just touched her hair before. Or at least not since she was very young.

When he carded his fingers through it gently, fingertips smoothing over the ripples her braids had left, she focused on the feeling of the strands being lifted and shifted. It was easier to breathe when she made him her focus. Every time she’d broken down over the last three days, he’d been there to help her through it. While there were people in her life that loved her dearly, she’d never had anyone care so much about how she was feeling minute by minute.

“I’m sorry,” he said gently when her hiccupping breaths had evened out, “You’re right. I should have asked you what you wanted, or at least told you why I didn’t want to share the bed with you. I’m not used to my decisions affecting other people.”

She let herself lean away from his now dampened shirt front, but his arms didn’t lift from her, his hand shifting from her hair back down to the center of her back where the other hand already rested. She didn’t let him go either but loosened her grip slightly so that they could create enough space between them for her to see his face.

He looked worried, but the frustration in his features was gone, replaced again by a softness she was beginning to regard as a look he reserved for her. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but imagining that he was warming up to her, that their closeness today meant as much to him as it meant to her. Imagining it brought her some comfort.

“I didn’t mean to unload on you,” she said, sniffling a bit as she regained control over her breathing fully and worked to dislodge the feeling of tightness in her throat.

“I think that’s part of what being married is,” he replied, “Listening to the other person when they need to get something off their chest.”

As much as she’d thought about weddings and being married as a kid, she’d never really thought much about what it meant to be married. She liked the idea that he would listen to her when she needed to vent, and she thought that maybe she could do that for him too.

“Do you have anything you need to say to me… I think I’m a good listener.”

As long as I’m not distracted.

He pulled her back into the hug a little tighter and she squeezed him in return.

“Sure, but it’s not urgent.” He replied, his voice low and warm. Calming.

“I think you might have some more to say first? I’m not going to pry, but I didn’t know what was going to happen with my family, and I think that if what just happened to you happened to me, I’d need to talk about it. You don’t have to. I just thought you might want to.”

She nodded. She had five years’ worth of memories to unpack, to disentangle from lies she’d believed for thirteen years. Having someone to listen sounded nice.

“But maybe bed first?” he asked, sounding uncertain.

***

He’d done his best to explain to her why he’d tried to take up residence on the floor without her, leaving her in the bed. He hadn’t wanted to make her uncomfortable in either the physical or mental sense. He hadn’t wanted to assume that being married promised him a spot at her side, even if it was in his bed. He hadn’t wanted her to sleep on the floor either.

Now though he was starting to realize that Anna’s idea of what was right for their relationship was certainly feeling right to him.

He was shirtless, her tears had soaked his shirt and it had been her insistence that he’d removed it. At the time he’d thought that he’d seen her eyes linger on his bare torso, and while it was probably just his overactive imagination, he thought that she’d appeared to be enjoying what she was seeing.

I want my wife to be attracted to me. I think I do at least. I know I’m attracted to her.

She was sleeping, her head rested on his bare chest like a pillow, curled up at his side in a way that he was certain would cause a crick in her neck in the morning. He didn’t want to move an inch, his arm was draped over her, a thin quilt and her chemise all that separated them.

She’d told him so much about her life, what it was like to grow up in the castle. Even with her memories returned to her, which she’d described as uncomfortable but not the worst thing she’d ever been through, she couldn’t recall much of what life had been like before the gates had been closed. It made sense to him, as he couldn’t remember much about his life before the trolls took him in, and he’d been eight at the time.

She’d exhausted herself describing the details of what it was like to grow up the way she had, and he hadn’t argued when she’d pulled him to bed with her. He understood that she didn’t want to be alone, and he couldn’t deny how good it felt to hold her in his arms.

He already liked her, and as she nuzzled into his chest and let out a little snore, he realized, with a barely contained chuckle, that he was looking forward to loving her.

He closed his eyes and tried his best to fall asleep as she had, holding her tight to his side.

[emberfrostlovesloki]

#4 Reader X SickSpencer

Gif credit: @stunudo​

Prompt: Reader X SickSpencer - Spencer catches a cold and doesn’t come into work on Monday morning. The reader goes to his apartment to check and see if he is doing alright. 

Category: Fluff / Comfort

Content Warning: Language (maybe) 

A/N: After watching the episode where Spencer gets tortured I had an infinite need to write something where he gets comforted by someone. This is pretty domestic and fluffy, but it’s what I needed right now. I want to thank @veraiconcos​ for helping me with the inspiration for this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. Please like / reblog!

Link to all stories

_y/n_ = your name

_y/l/n_ = you’re last name

_h/c_ = hair color

_b/s_ = brother/ sister

_h/l_ = hair length

_f/c_ favorite color

_Y/n_ walked into the headquarters of the BAU with a pep in her step. She had spent most of the weekend hiking the paths of Ricketts Glenn State Park in Pennsylvania. She had taken the train up after she had clocked out of work and spent the rest of the weekend disconnecting from the world. She found the forested paths relaxing compared to her normal job she was bound to. She had asked if Morgan or Prentiss wanted to join her, but both of her teammates already had plans for the weekend.  In total the woman had walked over fifty miles. At noon on Sunday _y/n_ sadly said goodbye to her campsite, and drove herself to the airport. She had arrive at the office before everyone on Monday morning. She hadn’t gotten any work done during her outdoor experience. Because of this she arrived at her desk early in order to make a dent in the pile of paperwork she had left behind on Friday. When she sat down at the white desk _y/n_ noticed that some of the files she was least looking forward to were nowhere to be found. She didn’t think too hard about it for the moment, and just grabbed another file instead. After an hour, the other members of the team started streaming into the bullpen. _Y/n_ noticed that at 8:00 A.M. Morgan, Prentiss, J.J., Hotch and Gideon were all present, except for Dr. Reid. Agent _y/l/n_ looked around the room once more just to make sure that the young man wasn’t actually there, and she was just missing him. Spencer had never been late to work before. He had actually picked her up multiple times when she had texted him in a panic that it was raining and the trains would run late, and she’d probably get fired for being two minutes late. She knew that her fears were unfounded, she also knew that Spencer knew her fear was stupid. None the less he would pull up to her apartment and swing the passenger side door open from the inside. Those had been good rides. When _y/n_ was very sure she had not missed Spencer she walked up to Morgan who was just now walking up to his desk. She leaned against his desk and asked, “Morning, do you know where Reid is? Also, I’m missing some files from my desk, any idea where they may be?” Derek smiled and said, “I can explain both questions sweetness.” _Y/n_ rolled her eye’s at Morgans flattery but still raised her eyebrows, non verbally telling him to continue. Morgan took a seat and continued, “Reid is sick, apparently he caught a cold. About your missing files, your boyfriend stayed late last Friday, last I saw of him he had taken about ten of your case files to his desk, and was filling them out himself.” Before _y/n_ had a chance to process that Derek had called Spencer her boyfriend she replied, “Oh my gosh, is he okay? When did he get sick?” Morgan smiled as she realized what term he had used for her friend. She grabbed one of his case files and started hitting him over the head with it. The athletic agent put his hands over his head and said, “Reid got sick on Saturday. He texted us on Sunday that he had a fever and Hotch told him to stay home.” 

Before _y/n_ could ask more questions, J.J. entered the room and said, “We have a case, let’s head into the conference room to talk over the details.” When the team was assembled, Hotcher stood up and started explaining the case. “We’re looking for an unsub that has killed congressman Luke Allen. The murder took place in the senators office last night at 1:00 A.M. His body was found today by his aid, Gracie Suveua. There was no apparent forced entry. The senators most popular contributions on Capitol Hill have been his working and signing the bill regarding Obergefell vs. Hodges in 2015.” The team nodded and agent _y/l/n_ commented, “So we may be looking for a person that has problems with the implications of gay marriage in the Supreme Court: religious extremists, opposing party members or a person from another radical religions that oppose LGBTQ+ rights.” Gideon agreed and replied, “That’s a great start for a profile. Hotch and Derek, would you head over to the sight of the murder. J.J. would you give Penelope our main facts so far and get her to do a database search based off of those criteria. Prentiss, _y/n_ and I will head over to the police precinct to ask some questions and gather information from the force.” After a minute of gathering in their separate groups, the teams went their separate ways to begin the hard work of the new case. Prentiss and _y/n_ weren’t thrilled to be going to the prescient. The officers were mostly of a male demographic, and often ignored comments that both female agents had made before, and turned out to be true later. Nonetheless, the trio whisked away to the station. When they arrived, the Police chief heartily shook Jason’s hand, but chose not to shake Emily of _y/n’s_. The two agents looked at each other, shrugged and moved into the sleek building after Gideon. It wasn’t until 9: 30 P.M. that the team was back to the conference room debriefing the information that they had accrued during the course of the day. After the debrief was over Aaron said, “I think we will be better use to this case if we all get some sleep and pick this up tomorrow. I don’t think that we aren’t at risk of another victim being killed tonight. If we work hard there won’t be a second death  to follow the first. Get some sleep and I’ll see you all tomorrow morning.” Each member of the team slowly got up, in their fatigue and moved out of the bright room and back toward their desks. When _y/n_ got to her desk she slumped down in her swivel chair. She pulled out her phone and looked at the message she had missed. She ignored a text from her mom and instantly scrolled down to the text that Spencer had sent her. The message read, “I’m still feeling pretty bad. I’m sorry that I can’t be useful in this case.” _y/n_ observed the text, and thought about how Spencer threw himself into his work 110% of the time and maybe it was batter that he had a break from work, even if he had to feel like shit to get to that place. 

Before she could respond to the message that Reid had sent three hours ago Morgan approached _y/l/n_ and asked, “Do you need a ride home? Taking the train right now isn’t exactly safe.”_Y/n_ looked up to him and said, “I think I’ll go check on Reid first. Would you mind taking me to his apartment?” Morgan raised his eyebrows at the statement, and after a moment of silence said, “Sure thing.” The agents moved to the parking lot where Derek’s car sat ready to take off. _Y/n_ had sold her car when she had moved to D.C. to pay the deposit on her crappy apartment. She had always told herself that she would buy a new car when she had the money. Even though she  had been working on the BAU unit for over a year she had never bought a car. She preferred the train anyway. When the agent got onto the car Morgan smoothly moved out of his spot and into the empty road. _Y/n_ pulled out her phone and texted Spencer back saying, “Sorry you’re still feeling bad. I am going to come over and see if you’re doing okay. Be there in about twenty minutes.” When she finished sending the text she put her phone in her pocket and looked out the front window at the empty road. After a minute Derek commented, “You really like him, don’t you?” The male agent had his big brother voice on when he asked the question. _Y/n_ pulled her hand through her _h/c_ before responding, “Derek you know how I feel about him. You don’t have to interrogate me. But it might be helpful if you didn’t call Spencer my boyfriend in front of him. You know how he gets when it comes to affection.” Morgan smiled. He knew that both agents had spent a good amount of time together outside of work. He thought that they made a good couple, but also that they hadn’t said anything about their feelings to each other yet. Morgan respected that they were moving slowly, that really was more their style anyway. Derek replied, “I get you. Plus, I wouldn’t want to jeopardize any chance you might have in letting him tell you that he likes you.” As he finished his statement the duo pulled into the front of Reid apartment building. She looked over to her friend and said, “You know nothing may happen. If it’s just platonic I’d get it. But I do love him.” Derek smiled at the fact that she had actually said the words out loud. He responded, “Go get him tiger.” She rolled her eyes and stepped out of the car. _Y/n_ leaned back in to say, “If I get anything it will probably be a cold from our resident genius,” before closing the door, waving and walking into the apartment. 

When she was in the apartment she took a moment to enjoy the sleek interior of the building. She was always jealous of the coffee shop that the contained. She had to walk three blocks to get to a coffee shop from her apartment. Secretly she was grateful for this fact, because if her apartment had a cafe she knew she would spend all her money there. She was brought back to the moment when the elevator dinged and opened. The agent waited for the occupants of the elevator to get out, and she stepped in once it was empty. She pressed the cool round metal button that read ‘5.’ The moving contraption stopped twice for other residents to get in the metal box before _y/n_ got out on floor five. When she was outside Spencer’s door she realized that she had never checked her messages before just showing up at his room. She pulled out her cellular device, and saw that he had not responded. _Y/l/n_ thought, ‘Maybe he’s asleep? Or maybe he’s feeling really bad and didn’t want me to come?’ The agent panicked for a moment, considering that Spencer might be too ill to respond. After a moment she calmed down and knocked on the door. It took a minute before she heard light shuffling outside the door. She could barely hear her friend say, “Who is it?” _Y/n_ rolled hey eyes at the question; all he had to do was look out his peep hole. After quietly laughing she said, “It’s _y/n_. Can I come in?” The door opened slightly and _y/n_ could see a small sliver of Dr. Reid. She tried to ascertain his sickness level from the shade of his face. Spencer stood for a minute calculating how risky it would be for him to let her in. He said in a raspy voice, “I might get you sick. You know that 3% of American’s have a 64% chance of getting a  cold during the year.” _Y/n_ smiled and replied, “I’m happy you’re still coherent enough to give me statistics Spence, and if I’m going to get a cold I’d rather it be from you, and not some random person on the street. I’m just here to make sure you don’t stay sick for longer than necessary.” Reid reconsidered the odds. How old _y/n_ was, how active she was and her general health. After he finished his assessment the young man opened the door and allowed his friend in. 

When she was in the apartment the female agent set her backpack by the front of the door. Spencer had stepped back in an attempt to lower the rate of transmission. While he was doing this _y/n_ looked him over. He was paler than usual, and his cheeks were flushed red. His hair was limply hanging around his cheeks that were more sunken in than usual. Even in his comfortable looking Yale sweatshirt and grey shorts, the man looked miserable. _Y/n_ looked at him sympathetically and said, “Maybe you should take a seat?” Reid replied, “Do I really look that bad?” She shrugged her shoulders and sighed, but didn’t tell him verbally that he looked like a kid who had fallen into a swimming pool in his clothes by accident. She walked over to the coach and Spencer followed her. He sunk down into the dark fabric of the couch leaning his head against the back. She pulled a chair up while he was seated and asked, “Can I feel your forehead?” When the words were out of her mouth _y/n_ realized how strange it sounded, but Spencer didn’t seem to think it was weird - maybe because he was slightly delirious - or he just knew to expect strange expressions that he didn’t understand come out form her lips. So he replied, “Okay.” _Y/n_ stood up from her chair and knelt on the couch next to Spencer and lifted her hand. She placed it on his forehead. His skin was hot. For the moment that _y/n’s_ hand was on his head Spencer enjoyed it. The cool sensation of her hand was relaxing. He wished it stayed there for a moment longer. The genius realized that the concept was completely illogical because the heat of his fevered body would simply begin transferring to her hand. It only took a second for _y/n_ to realize that Spencer was still running a high temperature, and even though she didn’t need to, she slipped her hand under his chin to check the temperature there too. She assumed she did this because her mom had done it when she was a kid. She pulled her hand away again for the second time and got up. Spencer leaned his head back to look at _y/n_ as his friend moved toward his bathroom. He heard the tap turn on, and after a few seconds, she returned to his side with a small hand towel. She was holding her hand under it so that it didn’t drip water on his wooden floors. “When did you last check your temperature, and how high was it?” _Y/n_ inquired as she placed the damp towel on his hot forehead. Spencer breathed a sigh of relief at the coolness of the cloth. He then responded, “I checked it two hours ago. I think it was around 100.72 degrees. She nodded at the reply and then asked, “Have you eaten yet today?” The young genius was notorious for completely forgetting that he needed to nourish his slender body on a regular basis. So she could only imagine that while he was sick, food was the last thing on his mind. He gave the response she expected of, “No. I’ve felt kind of nauseous all day, I didn’t think eating was going to help with that.” _Y/n_ rolled her eyes and said, “Have you ever considered that not eating could make you nauseous too?” The young woman got up and went into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and only found a carton of eggs and a few containers of leftovers. She turned to Spencer and asked, “Why don’t you have any food Reid?” Spencer gave a cough before defended himself by saying, “I normally go grocery shopping on Sunday, but I was sick, so I didn’t go.” _Y/l/n_ understood and said, “Okay. Well I’m going to run down to the corner store and make you some dinner. Do you have a favorite comfort food?” Spencer stood and took a few steps toward her and said, “You really don’t have to. I can take care of myself.” _Y/n_ replied, “I know you can Spence. I just want to be here to show you you don’t have to all the time. Especially when you’re sick.’ Reid bit his lip as he usually did when he was thinking. After a moment he strode to his counter and grabbed the keys to his apartment, and car, and tossed them at _y/n_. She quickly shifted left and grabbed the object being flung at her. Spencer said, “I really like grilled cheese sandwiches.” She smiled and said, “I’ll be back in ten minutes.” Before walking out of his living room and into the hall. She locked the door behind her and moved toward the elevator. 

The corner store was limited in it’s selections. But all that really mattered was that _y/n_ had a loaf of white bread, some American cheese, a kind of pathetic looking can of tomato soup, and some orange juice. With these items in her basket the girl moved to the counter and paid for the groceries with cash from her wallet. It wasn’t until she was at the counter paying that she noticed the time. The Digital clock that was displayed behind the cashier glowed in red letters 10:25 P.M. She knew that if she went back to Spencer and made dinner she was going to miss the last train. To the woman it was just a small thought that quickly came and went. She wasn’t going to leave her friend right now. If he was uncomfortable with her staying at his place overnight _y/n_ would get a taxi back to her apartment. Spencer heard the key slide in the door and knew that _y/n_ had returned. He was currently lying down on the couch and didn’t really move that much as she set down a bag on his counter. There was a moment where some glass clinked together, and a second later she was in front of him with a glass of ice water and a glass of orange juice for him. She set them down on the table next to the couch and he said, “Thanks. I’m feeling a little better now.” _Y/n_ smiled and said, “Good, if you want a distraction while I’m making the food you can look over the new case. We’ve been working on it all day and haven’t gotten very far. The files in my bag.” Spencer jolted at the chance of doing something other than feeling miserable, and he got up and found the file in _y/n’s_ backpack. As he walked back toward the couch he noticed that _y/n_ had bought herself a coffee from the shop in the lobby. She shared his taste for sugar filled beverages. Unlike him, she preferred milk in her caffeinated drinks. Spencer grabbed the warm polystyrene cup and took a sip of it while she was digging in his fridge for some butter. Spencer often stole _y/n’s_ snacks or drinks. It was the type of thing that would make her  angry for a second and then she would laugh it off for five more. He would always buy her a replacement item, often he would make it a bigger cup of coffee or bar of chocolate than the one she had before. Spencer knew that the young agent was trying to save up money so she could fly down to her _b/s’s_ college graduation in a month. It was the least he could do. After all living in D.C. could be hard on the bank account. 

It wasn’t until the soup was on the stove heating up, and the grilled cheese sandwiches were in the pan getting melty that _y/n_ started looking around for her coffee cup. After a minute of futile searching she spotted it in Spencer’s hand. She smirked, moving to the back of the couch, she pretended to look over Reid’s shoulder at the information he was examining. When the man removed the cup from his lips and lowered it toward his leg she grabbed it out of his grasp and said, “Really Reid. This is how you repay me for my help.” Halfway through the sentence and she was already laughing at his antics. She glided to a position in front of him and started bringing the drink to her own mouth when she remembered Spencer was sick. She examined the lid of the cup, and obviously some of his saliva was on the rim of the cup. Reid looked up at her and said, “Sorry I also haven’t had any coffee yet today either.” _Y/n_ sighed and handed him back the cup replying, “You know, I fear that if you asked me to murder someone I would consider it.” Spence smiled up at her.  After another five minutes or so the pair were eating a very late dinner at the kitchen table. They were talking about the details of the case. As soon as they had finished eating Spencer asked, “Are you planning on going back to your apartment tonight? The train stopped running a half hour ago.” A blush rose to _y/n’s_ cheeks and replied, “Well. I was wondering if I could just stay here tonight? I need to look through the details of the case again, and do some research. I’ll be quiet.” It wasn’t a super odd request. The pair had stayed up all night before working on cases or having movie marathons, but they had never been at one of their apartments when one, or both of them was going to be sleeping. Spencer looked over to her and said, “Of course you can. I can help you with the research if you want.” _Y/n_ smiled and said, “Thanks for letting me stay. And offering the help, but I think you should get some rest. You aren’t going to get better without sleep.” She smiled at him and began picking up the dishes from their dinner. Spencer helped her put them in the sink and said, “I promise next time it’s my turn to cook. I’ll finish the dishes if you want to take a shower before I turn in.” _Y/n_ considered that she had been in the same clothes for over ten hours and knew that a shower would relax her she said, “that would be great.” She was embarrassed to ask it, but managed to stutter out, “Do you think I could borrow one of your shirts to wear while  I work. These aren’t the most comfortable clothes.” Spencer opened his mouth for a moment at the idea and tried to clear his head of the image of her in one of his shirts. The man snapped his mouth shut and his jawline tightened before he responded, “Um, yeah. In my closet on the left hand side are all my t-shirts and sweaters. You can wear any of them.” She said, “Okay. I’ll just be a bit.” She rubbed her hand over his shoulder as she walked in the direction of his bedroom. After a minute Spencer could hear the water running. 

The lean agent scrubbed down the dishes and put them in the drainer next to the sink. When he finished with the plates and bowls, he sat back down on the couch with the intention of looking at the case again. His thoughts didn’t allow him to. Instead he was considering how he was feeling. He wondered if it was alright to want these kinds of evenings to happen more often. He knew that he wasn’t that good with women. His few attempts to woe the friends and strangers he had been interesting in had usually gone horribly wrong. Yet, unbelievably a friend had come to check up on him, and was comfortable enough to spend the night at his place. He couldn’t figure out if he had done anything differently with _y/n_ than his other friends. He also was unsure if she felt the same way he did. Maybe she was uncomfortable being here and just needed to stay out of convenience. While Reid was considering the current situation _y/n_ was doing the same. She was running shampoo through her _h/l_ hair and musing over what had happened over the last two hours. She had always wanted, hoped, to get closer to Spencer, but she was afraid that if she moved too fast that he wouldn’t be interested, or worse not want to hang around her at all. She and Spencer did share some of the same hobbies but she hoped that she knew him better than that. She knew how he shied away from physical affection, and how he always seemed so happy when she or Jason told him he had done a good job, and how she knew what his shampoo was going to smell like before she even opened the bottle. She really hoped that her presence, both literally and metaphorically wasn’t making him uncomfortable now. When she was finished with her reverie _y/n_ rinsed out her hair and stepped out of the shower, After another ten minutes Spencer looked up to see _y/n_ in another one of his YALE sweatshirt. It was so long on her shorter body that it covered her like an ill fitting dress. However, Spencer thought she could wear a potato sack and pull it off. He quickly looked away from her to hide his blush. 

The duo looked over the cases and _y/n_ hooked up to his WiFi on her computer. After this was finished and _y/n_ had bought herself another coffee (using Reid’s card), she recommended he go to bed. It was already 12:00 A.M. at this point. Spencer relented and headed to his bedroom. Before he went in he said, “Goodnight. If you’ve got any questions you can ask. Just knock on the door.” She smiled and said goodnight back, and told him to sleep well. The agent continued her work for another three hours before she moved to the couch to try and get more comfortable to do her work. The next morning Spencer found _y/n_ laying down on the couch she was clutching a pillow to her chest and had her left leg draped over the blanket she had covered her body with. Spencer dared not walk past her torso in case she was indecent below the leg she had over the blanket. He was feeling much better today, and wished that he could go into work with her, however, it was company policy to wait a full twenty-four hours after a fever to return to work. Spencer knew it was for the safety of his coworkers, but he hated being away from his job. The man knelt down and tapped _y/n_ on the shoulder. She sighed slightly before opening her eyes to see him. She rubbed her eyes and sat up. Spencer quickly averted her eyes as she rose. She looked down at herself and realized that her _f/c_ boy shorts were peeking out from beneath Spencer’s YALE sweater. Her face turned red and she coughed, stood up and pulled the sweater down. She looked at her phone and quietly cursed, “Fuck, I’m going to be late.” Spencer knew that if _y/n_ was fast, and hurried she could catch the train and make it in time. He said, “Go change. If you’re fast you can make the 7:30 A.M. train.” _Y/n_ nodded and grabbed her clothes and ran into his bedroom. She shut the door and didn’t even bother to lock it as she stripped and quickly changed. Reid, who had woken up about thirty minutes before her, and had grabbed some coffee for her and himself. He had meant to wake her up once he had woken up, but he couldn’t disturb her when he had seen her so peaceful. When the woman came out of his room in her usual black pants and satin shirt, she looked ready to fight the crime in the city as she usually did. She put on her shoes and grabbed her things, stuffing them into her backpack. Spencer cleared his throat after she was finished and handed her the coffee. She smiled at him and said, “Thank you so much Spencer, for letting me stay, and the coffee.” Spencer smiled and hesitantly asked, “Would you come back again tonight? In case I need help again. Or feel bad?” It took a moment for the words to register and _y/n_ said “Huh?” And maybe it was because it was from lack of sleep, or her just being awake for five minutes, but the meaning of the words struck her after she had responded. She realized that Spencer wanted, that he really wanted to spend another night like they had had yesterday. She smiled up at him and replied, “Of course I’ll come back tonight Spence. I’d love that.” The word love was not lost on the genius, and he took a minute trying to and express his feeling, saying, “You know I really like you. I mean I appreciate you, or I feel things about you…” _Y/n_ wanted really really badly to hear the words come from him, but she knew that she didn’t have a moment to lose or she would be late. She hated cutting him off, but reluctantly said, “I know Spencer, me too.” 

At hearing this Spencer gave a heartwarming smile and leaned down to hug her. She quickly gave him a kiss on the forehead and cheek. She then let go of him, and ran out the door, shouting over her shoulder, “I’ll see you tonight!”

[sparklingdisneyprincess]

Having Amber know for weeks affected fans view of her and why it was not done well.

In the tags on a reblog of one of my posts, someone mentioned that the scene where Amber tells Mark she knew he was a hero was bad writing and I low-key agree. I plan on doing an analysis on that specific scene later, but today I wanted to get into why the way the writes handled that situation just wasn’t great.

Keeping in mind the context of who the writers are can somewhat explain the  thought process behind the decision. The creators of the comic book said themselves that's the comic book very often pokes fun at superhero stereotypes and tropes. One of the main stereotypes in superhero comic books is the main non-super female love interest being upset with the male superhero love interest for constantly flaking on her/being unavailable trope. In this trope the conflict is typically resolved when the female love interest is told or discovers in the moment usually by so accident that the male love interest was the superhero the whole time and the revelation is suddenly supposed to negate all the negative emotions that the female love interest was put through and everything just ends up fine. 

In today's time it wouldn't matter if he was a superhero or not. He still made her feel terrible, he still lied. I do think women today wouldn’t allow that to excuse all the hero’s behavior especially when it was evident that said behavior was hurting them. 

We know the writers like to poke fun at stereotypical superhero comic book tropes and plot points, and a good way to do that it to utilize trope subversion.

Trope subversion definition:

A subversion has two mandatory segments. First, the expectation is set up that something we have seen plenty of times before is coming, then that set-up is paid off with something else entirely. The set-up is a trope; the "something else" is the subversion.

Pure trope subversion vs Partial trope subversion:

Executing a “Pure trope subversion” means to follow the blueprint for “Trope subversion” to a tee. The writer sets up the story with essentially no hints that the outcome will be anything but traditional, and then proceeds to suddenly turn the outcome on it’s head in a way that was unanticipated. In the case of the “Partial trope subversion” it’s the opposite. The writer will drop subtle hints and clues teasing that the outcome will not be traditional for the trope. The hints must be subtle because the writers goal is still to trick the reader into believing that the traditional outcome will occur.

The main problem with them writing it as a pure trope subversion is that Amber ends up looking really bad and that people already didn’t like her as they wanted Eve to end up with Mark.

The set-up of the secret identity relationship trope leads us to believe that the female was mostly if not completely unaware that their male love interest is a hero. They often times are suspicious, but the dots don’t usually get the chance to connect before it’s all revealed. Going with that type of trope set-up leads the audience to believe that it’ll end like it always does. The girl will feel sorry for her actions and completely forgive the hero (even though I don’t find think that’s realistic), so instead of it going in that direction they subvert it. They have the female love interest (Amber) figure it out herself and silently not be in the dark for a period of time till it’s revealed that she knew. This is fine unless it’s written as a pure trope subversion because the traditional trope buildup includes anger over canceled plans, late arrivals, and feelings of neglect. That anger makes the female love interest look completely irrational in the case that she knew! (Though perhaps she was not truly angry over those things after she discovered the truth, but she was angry with him lying and couldn’t tell him that without saying she knew, so she expressed her anger through those situations instead of the main reason??? Hmm, I just thought of that and that’s an interesting theory for another time.) Anyways...

I found that the trope subversion making Amber look so bad to be a glaring issue that should have been weeded out in the writing room. They had to have known how it would be perceived. There’s no way they wouldn’t. The only logical reason they’d do this is if they plan to go through with what I suspected was happening at the beginning of the show, which would be that the writers are telling us that Amber is not Mark’s endgame and that she’s just taking up space until Mark and Eve eventually get together. The only problem with that theory is that they had Mark and Amber get back together at the end of the season which is another trope subversion. In the usual love triangle bait-and-switch trope the first female love interest the male superhero chooses gets booted out to make room for the second girl in the love triangle who he was apparently supposed to be with the whole time, however the writers didn’t got through with that trope. They instead subverted it (whether purposely or not) by having the original couple get back together and setting it up in a way that shows the couple potentially growing stronger, rather than him staying single and eventually ending up with female love interest number 2. The writers even took the subversion a step further by setting the outcome up in a way that showed potential for female love interests 1 and 2 to actually start a beautiful friendship instead of a rivalry. 

I’m honestly confused by what the writers wanted us to perceive. If they wanted us to root for Amber and Mark why set them up like that? To prove that they can move past it? But who will support the relationship after everybody now hates Amber? It is contradictory, so I’m very confused. I did write another post speculating that though Amber knew Mark was a hero, she did not know he was Invincible. The theory does shed more light on the situation and it resolves a lot of issues, but it still doesn’t negate the fact that the use of a pure trope subversion in this instance made Amber look really bad. Especially when people would sooner find ways to cancel her, rather than attempt to understand why she did it. To understand someone does not mean to agree with or support them, but it reminds you to humanize the other person, a value we are all owed. 

If the writers had not done a pure trope subversion and instead decided upon a partial trope subversion the fallout would not have been nearly as bad. If they had done a partial trope subversion they could’ve allowed Amber to be more patient in some of the later scenes, while showing that even though she’s patient, she’s also very upset. It would show more understanding on her part, however I think Amber was actually already understanding of his situation. What she did not understand was the lying and how it seemed that he didn’t even care enough to lie well. She was hurt that he didn’t trust her and during their relationship she was constantly questioning whether or not he was serious and if he actually cared about her and honestly we questioned it too as an audience! Imagine how frustrated she must’ve been those 5 months out of 6 when she didn’t know why he was lying to her. 

Amber and Mark didn’t have any relationship issues that I noticed aside from his secret identity. Their dynamic was interesting to watch in my opinion because Mark wasn’t phased by Ambers weird sense of humor and her having essentially no filter, in fact he embraced it and was also snarky in return. He liked that she has strong core beliefs and clearly enjoyed spending time with her. Even though Amber is sarcastic and pokes fun at Mark she finds his enthusiasm to be endearing and often laughs with and smiles at him. Heck, she even approached him first! They’re just two teenagers dating and it’s nothing too exciting like it’s usually portrayed in media. They text, go on dates, make out, enjoy the others presence without really needing to talk, it’s just nice normal dating stuff and it’s realistic and lowkey, and I really liked seeing it. Upon my first watch of the show I liked Amber and Mark together, but I didn’t see the chemistry. I think it’s because everything about their relationship needed to happen in the span of 8 episodes, but also that the reasons why their attracted to each other are very subtle. They don’t shove it in our faces, they just place it there and if you caught then you caught it, if you didn’t then you didn’t. It took me re-watching the episodes a second time to realize why Mark and Amber enjoy being with each other. The body language speaks volumes when you also pay attention to the little things that go on between them. I’ll probably make a whole other post about it because I think it’s something to talk about, but yeah.

In conclusion either the writers truly didn’t realize the outcome of their choice, the writers knew the outcome and did it on purpose to set the audience up to root for Eve and Mark, the writers knew and set it up in order to later on grow/redeem Amber and strengthen her and Mark’s relationship by having them over come it, or they didn’t think it’d be a big deal due to assuming that the trope subversion would take everyone by surprise and that we’d like it.

(If you made it to the end, I’m impressed cause this was long. Also, shoutout to the person who first brought up this topic in the tags. I didn’t realize I felt some kind of way until I started typing and couldn’t stop. It was honestly kind of cathartic😄 I didn’t tag you cause I didn’t know if you’d like that but, thanks for unintentionally giving me the motivation to write this!) 

[hopevalley]

Season 8, Episode 10: Old Love, New Love, Is This True Love

All right, so...like I said, work has picked up and my eyes feel like old marbles from staring at numbers (the woes of working in accounting I guess) so I want to get this written up and tossed into the nether before I lose steam and motivation to do it. The interesting thing about these little write-ups is that as the week goes on they just get harder and harder to write...

I do apologize in advance to those who like the long-winded write-ups. I’m just not up to it at the moment. Still feeling kind of bleh from the episode.

Let’s go back to an old format, shall we?

The Good

We might as well start out with the things about this episode that I enjoyed! 

Gossip Hour with the Men was one of the best openers they’ve had on the show in a while. It was genuinely funny without being meanspirited. Nobody looked like the bad guy. Everyone just calmly talked about it alike it was a normal thing to maybe call off the wedding. Bill calling out Carson for giving marriage advice was pretty funny, Mike was a delight. I don’t know what to say. I’d watch a whole episode of The Boys just hanging around spending time together.

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Florence’s worry that she’s ugly was...not a terrible idea for a storyline, but the actress is too good-looking to pretend to be ugly (I saw her in this pretty yellow dress on Instagram a couple years ago and she was smashing)? Also, it’s not like Ned is a handsomely aged gentleman (like Henry lol) so it makes even less sense for the characters. I think they should have gone with Florence feeling she’s “plain” and that dressing up Super Nice makes her feel uncomfortable because she just doesn’t feel like Herself and worries maybe it’s projecting a false sense of Who She Is or something? I guess overall I still liked that an attempt was made to add some depth to Florence and her difficulties in choosing a dress/hairstyle, so...it goes here.

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Ned asking Henry to be his best man was nice, too. I can forgive the shoddy pacing and weird placement of this request (like I do with almost everything in the show) but only because the scene was just...so incredibly wholesome. 

I like how Henry just casually is like, “Well maybe today’s just not the day.” I think it eased Ned’s mind just a little that he CAN back out if he really wants to.

I think it’s worth thinking about the fact that Ned and Henry would have always worked very closely, since the mercantile would have been a company store before the mine closed down... I like Henry and Ned as pals.

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I’m glad the “investment” thing with Jesse and Clara’s savings was brought up in a way that...makes sense. And also, glad it wasn’t forgotten.

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I really liked Molly and Florence in this episode. I’m a little sad Florence married Ned because I AM SORRY BUT I WANTED TO KEEP SHIPPING MOLLY AND FLORENCE TOGETHER UGHGHGHH

But their relationship is so good and maYBE Elizabeth will learn something from them.

Hey Elizabeth...you see that?

YOU SEE THAT?

Just saying.

And then later...

“You are the sister I never had, the mother I forever wanted, the friend I have always needed. From the depths of those dark and terrifying coal mines you’ve walked beside me, picking me up whenever I’ve stumbled along the way.”

AAAAAAAAA IT GOT ME.

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I’m...really liking Fiona and Mike’s relationship, whatever it is. I kind of think they’re not headed toward anything romantic. Everyone thinks Mike is really into Fiona but at the end of the episode we realize he likes talking to her about business; it’s almost like they have this shared passion for numbers/ideas and he likes infodumping to her (and vice-versa).

I think they’re going to end up being “just friends” and Fiona will end up paired off with the man Elizabeth doesn’t choose. They hinted at Nathan briefly in this episode (with Allie’s hair), but who knows? I’m over trying to speculate on where the triangle is going at this point, but I actually like Fiona’s relationship with Mike so much that I’ll be disappointed if she fades into the background with Nathan or Lucas. Mike deserves more screentime. 

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Ned and Florence sharing their fIRST KISS. My husband got emotional over this. And I admit, it was starting to get to me, too. I can’t NOT root for them. 

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I said it before and I’ll say it again: I WOULD DIE FOR THE CANFIELDS.

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The wedding was nice. I liked that Bill and Joseph officiated it together; it gives Joseph a li’l trial run of pastoring and finally Bill gets to use some of that power of his to officiate a wedding.

“Please, if you’d like” is such a Bill way to say that they may kiss LOL.

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Also, I have to admit that I did enjoy Lucas calling Nathan out about Allie. She wouldn’t be caught in the middle if he’d leave Elizabeth alone AND HE IS RIGHT LMAO.

The last good thing: Elizabeth telling Nathan she doesn’t blame him for Jack’s death. Nice. Good. Thank you. He probably needed to hear that.

--

...THE BAD

Carson and Faith. UGH. UGHHHHHHHHHH. BREAK UP ALREADY I HATE YOU BOTH.

I appreciated that Carson had the ring ages ago, and I did like his conversation with Minnie—or more accurately, her advice to him. I felt like she was nudging him toward, “Remember why you became a surgeon in the first place.” If he became a surgeon to help people, then there’s no reason he can’t help people where he is. Sure, he might not be doing state of the art procedures but with Faith working alongside him, he can afford time to learn new things and go to doctor conventions or even take a specialized class now and then. No other doctor could get away for very long but he has that chance!

And he’ll arguably be doing more good in the middle of nowhere than in the city. All the doctors want to live in the city. Nobody wants to barely get paid for their time in the countryside.

We had a whole episode that made it clear that Faith and Carson don’t make a lot of money and do a lot of charity work. They also work for trade goods (mostly food). So it’s like...a pretty big difference in lifestyle? 

Half the reason I can’t get invested in these characters is because I really can’t stand Paul Greene. He just...annoys me on every single level imaginable. But he’s a decent actor and I can’t help but feel that his character was a massive waste of space for the past few seasons through no fault of the man himself. Imagine introducing a character like Carson and then leaving him to rot before you try to make him interesting with a romance plot that nobody asked for.

Yes, some people really like Faith and Carson, but as a whole I think the fandom didn’t buy into them as a ship due to the lack of chemistry.

It really is a shame. This episode didn’t do a thing to endear me to either character. Please, Carson. I am begging you to leave town.

--

This one particular line of dialogue almost enraged me.

WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE CAN SEE THAT FOR OURSELVES. WHY DID THEY HAVE ROSEMARY SAY THIS LIKE IT’S AN EPISODE OF A CHILD’S TV SHOW?

--

Elizabeth.........

How could Katie have...looked up to her? She was never in her class? That was? Never part of anything? It was just something they threw in here to force Elizabeth to make 1% more sense in the role she’s in but IT STILL DOESN’T WORK.

I felt like I was back in Season 5 again with Lori and Elizabeth putting their nose in everyone’s business except it’s just Elizabeth!! The whole plot, which was boring and contrived anyway, should have gone to Molly, since she’s Florence’s best friend and another woman from town that Katie would have known as a child.

AND ALSO, MOLLY WOULD HAVE KNOWN KATIE’S MOTHER AND WOULD REMEMBER THE GRIEF THAT NED STRUGGLED WITH.

I know they wanted to make Elizabeth give advice so that she’d Realize that she needs to, I don’t know, make better choices or something, but it was too on the nose for me and I hated it.

GinithePooh on Reddit made a good comparison to Elizabeth in this episode by saying she reminded them of Clippy from Microsoft Word, always popping up and offering to help when nobody really needs or wants advice.

To honor their incredible idea, I opened Photoshop and created this gem, which I will also be posting separately so that people can reblog it if they wish to.

I also don’t think I need to say also filed under The Bad is the fact that Elizabeth didn’t even apologize for being awful to Rosemary and then gave her unsolicited advice to other people for two days straight. I can’t believe they wrote that? 

All I can say is that her apology to Rosemary, when it comes, better be good.

--

And I didn’t like this either:

I wish it had been followed up by literally anything: Nathan saying he’s sorry he didn’t tell her sooner or something to make the hand-holding actually be a little more innocent.

As it is, it just seems so deliberate? 

Maybe the next episode starts off right in this scene and we’ll get that? If so, this might actually end up being fine. I just don’t think it is if it doesn’t get a little more direct attention.

--

& THE UGLY

I debated on putting anything in here, because I’m not ready to talk about my feelings on this matter, at least not fully. But I’ve been pretty quiet all season so far, and...eh, why not just mention things in advance? What will it hurt?

Let me preface this section by saying I’m biased and I doubt hardly anyone on this site will agree with me, so feel free to just ignore this part if that’s the case.

There are two things that I really didn’t like in this episode.

I hate the slanting toward Bill/Molly.

I like Molly just fine but I don’t like her with Bill. I’m biased as all getout and also worried about the future/potential Season 9 with regards to this. I don’t want to see it. Like at all. Why, you ask? You should know why if you follow me. I’m super transparent.

It’s because I like AJ AND I WANT HER BACK LOL.

John Tinker rewatched the series so we know he wouldn’t have missed that hanging plot thread—especially since he didn’t forget any of the other things that were brought up this season! So why didn’t she appear this season? The love triangle absolutely needed to be a focus or it would have never ended, so that’s part of it, but I’m also pretty sure Josie Bissett wasn’t interested in doing any filming last year during Covid. My only “proof” is that Wedding March 6 wasn’t filmed last year even though it was scheduled to be filmed, but it makes sense. Last year was chaos.

THAT SAID, Jack Wagner posted on his Instagram the other day that they are actually filming Wedding March 6 now, so... I guess AJ’s re-appearance in Season 9 wouldn’t come as too much of a surprise if they wanted to write it.

You’d think I’d be hyped about that, and I kind of am? But it doesn’t come without its share of worries, too. We just had the worst love triangle in the history of love triangles and I really don’t want another one, especially if it makes any of the characters in question look stupid or mean.

I fully admit a well-written love triangle could be a LOT of fun for them* (low stakes because they’re not front and center characters), but I saw how Nathan was written so far this season and I really, REALLY do not want to see that happen to Molly, Bill, or AJ.

Anyway, not a fan of the Molly/Bill stuff. No chemistry. I don’t want it.

*I would totally write a fanfic like this lmao.

--

And finally...the part that everyone will hate me for:

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ABIGAIL COME BACK. And I specifically do not want her to come back ‘cause I do not wanna see Henry/Abigail happen.

I fully recognize that a lot of you like it and ship the heck out of it, and that’s...good. I’m glad you enjoy it. I loathe it, though, and I worry that all these hints (more like...mentions) are leaning toward...something. Like, either they’re:

1) Sending Abigail off/tying up that loose end with Henry (since nothing was ever clarified either way), or

2) Warming up the audience to receive Abigail back on the show.

I’m pretty into the idea of one-sided Henry/Abigail. Hindsight is 20/20, regrets, that’s all some juicy stuff to give a character like Henry. Some things can’t ever be made right again. He had too direct of a connection to the death of her husband and son for me to ever want to see them together. Forgiveness? Yes. A careful but meaningful friendship? Yes. Romantic relationship? Uh...no thanks.

I liked the Abigail mentions at first because I felt like...the character still mattered (as she should) but I’m at a point where I feel like they’re trying really hard to steer the fandom’s view a certain way and not knowing where it’s going is extremely unsettling to me.

--

I’ll probably talk more about the things that bother me when the season ends, because I’m hoping to have a better idea of where things are going to be headed, but for now just...know that I feel very apprehensive.

And keep in mind that I primarily watch this show for Bill these days, since all my previous faves (AJ, Frank, the old Abigail, Dottie) have exited, stage left. I also always really liked seeing Henry. So as you can imagine, seeing plotlines I hate for the only two characters I’m invested in? Is making me consider dropping the series next year.

My husband told me I should hate-watch it, but I don’t know if my heart can take it. I’ve been following this series for so long...it just...kind of hurts to feel let down like this? 

But sometimes an ongoing series ends up going where you...didn’t want it to, and it becomes something that’s no longer right for you. I hope that doesn’t happen, but last night’s episode makes me feel like...it might be happening for real this time.

I guess if that holds true it’ll be back to fanfiction for me. Will that novelization I planned ages ago end up getting written? Will I write the best love triangle fanfic known to man? WHO KNOWS.

For now, we’ll all have to wait and see! Two more episodes left. I’m really curious to see how they resolve some of the open plots right now. :>