#brought to you by the enabling encouragement of friends

[plaidos]

I am a transmasc, and I have kinda been struggling with a question that I obviously don't wanna ask any other transmasc cause I can't trust them to not be biased, but I also am afraid to ask my transfem friends because I don't want them to feel bad about it. I've been feeling pretty weird about my social place and responsibilities in multiple friends groups that are majority trans women. I sometimes get scared that my transfem friends are like, too comfortable around me and might not understand the threat that I pose to them. I hear a lot of stories about transfems who don't know what's being done to them until it's too late, and I don't want to condemn my friends to that fate, but I also don't want to treat them like they don't know any better. For this reason, I sometimes feel like it's my responsibility to subtly encourage them to pursue transfem-exclusive spaces, and from there they might organically integrate into a social system that is safer for them, so they won't feel like they need me and other TMEs for social connection.

At the same time, I've been feeling actively more avoidant of the two other transmascs that I know. I kinda feel like transmascs are "invaders" in some way, and that it's my responsibility to actively push other transmascs away from trans communities, and encourage them to further push even more out. I don't feel like transmascs really belong there, as they take up space and offer nothing to trans people as a whole, and that further fuels my thoughts on encouraging transfems to pursue places that don't have us in them.

The one time I brought a portion of this up with a transfem friend, she seemed to think this was some kind of self harm, and that I shouldn't pursue this. I'd normally be inclined to agree with her on these things, but I feel like if she'd been massively abused by transmascs like most other transfems, she'd probably feel differently.

For months, I have constantly debated with myself over whether these thought processes are just or if they are flawed. Were I not so limited in my mode of talking about this personal issue, I certainly wouldn't have come to tumblr about it. It definitely doesn't feel good to make a transfem feel like she needs to play teacher just for this one problem, but I've gotten a bit desperate. If there's a better place to talk about this problem, do let me know!

there’s a lot to talk about & unpack in your ask, but i think the first and most important thing to remember is that being male (whether you’re a cis guy or a trans guy) isn’t like this inherent sin or danger (and indeed no serious transfeminist is suggesting these things i promise you lol); indeed the things that are dangerous are the power structures & how they encourage, reproduce & justify potential abuse rather than the individuals, right? when you see transfems talking about the abuse they’ve experienced (& that has been justified & normalised by the world around us) from transmascs, you shouldn’t internalise that as inherent to transmascs interacting with transfems (because this too justifies & enables it by acting as though it is inevitable) but rather reflect on what social power structures & beliefs have encouraged & enabled this abuse to take place.

it sounds to me like you’re mired in a lot of personal guilt problems (or it seems that way from somebody who chronically suffers with that due to a religious upbringing) and getting that mixed up with politics. if you’re in a lot of spaces that are mostly filled with transfems, then the chances are most likely they feel safe and comfortable to have you around.

saying this as kindly as possible: you might wanna reread what you’ve said here with the phrase “white knight” in mind. we categorically don’t need transmascs being our bouncers, we don’t need to be protected by you unless you’re being like asked explicitly to walk one of us home etc, we need solidarity with you, to be seen on the same level & listened to, not looked over like a flock of sheep.

if you wanna really really be helpful to transfems as a group you can start by doing some transfeminist reading — that will help you more effectively recognise the mechanisms that enable transmisogyny, which thus in turn helps you recognise if/when you or people around you are benefiting/disbenefiting from those systems & how to prevent & mitigate that when it’s within your power. if your doll friends aren’t already on transfeminism you could even (as non condescendingly as possible) share quotes and snippets from the texts you’re reading that you think they’d think were interesting or relevant to them etc.

remember to be in conversation with us. we’re all from the same planet

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing your Character's "Inner Critic"

Inner Critic - a mental inner voice that criticizes and judges your actions, thoughts, and behaviors.

In the early 20th century, psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud referred to it as the “superego,” and it’s been a constant source of study ever since.

Learning to address the excesses of your critical inner voice is an important element of self-care and holistic well-being.

Popular psychology movements of today—like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)—assist individuals with reframing their inner critic’s negative thought processes.

Negative Thoughts From Your Inner Critic

Assessing your mental health means knowing when your inner critic is doing nothing but harm. Examples of an inner voice that engages in self-destructive behaviors:

Dwelling on the past: If you regularly beat yourself up for past mistakes and regrets about life experiences, recognize that many of these thoughts are self-defeating. Your inner critic draws on memories like this to keep you incapable of growing in the present moment.

Focusing on shortcomings: Your inner critic might be a perfectionist—holding you to impossibly high standards—or just constantly echo your deepest insecurities. If you think of yourself in the second person a lot—”you’re not good enough,” “you’ll never succeed,” and so on—you might be under the thumb of your inner critic.

Worrying about the future: You might constantly think that you’ll inevitably say or do something to destroy your future prospects. Your inner critic might insist bad things are inevitable and that you should always stay in your comfort zone since you’re bound to mess things up if you color outside the lines. Heeding these judgmental demands will limit your ability to grow and enjoy all life has to offer.

Ways Meditation Helps Counter the Inner Critic

Slowing down and centering your mind can help you combat the critical inner voice in your head. Here are just five ways meditation can help you:

Empowers you with positive affirmations: Through certain types of meditation—like metta or the “lovingkindness practice”—you can use upbuilding and compassionate thoughts and mantras to anchor your sense of self-compassion and combat the worst urges of your inner critic. These affirmations help reorient your mind in a positive direction holistically.

Enables you to recognize impermanence: At the center of meditative practice is a recognition that the present moment is ever fleeting. As soon as you pay attention to one breath, your mind whisks away to some stray thought. The more you do this—always returning to the subject of meditative focus—the more you’ll see your mind divert to your inner critic’s viewpoint. It’ll become obvious as you continue to meditate that it’s just one point of view among many—and you can pay attention to its demands or ignore it just the same.

Encourages you to determine what’s of value: Not all self-criticism is bad. You should discard needlessly negative thoughts, but you can turn the inner critic into one of your best friends if you tame its voice. The equanimity brought on through meditation helps you see when a critical thought can be constructive or when you should ignore it for being untrue and damaging.

Gives you an opportunity to practice compassion: A mindfulness practice allows you to see yourself from the outside looking in—and this experience often brings about a sense of self-compassion. As you meditate, you can see and feel the damage the inner critic is doing to you from an objective standpoint. This can lead you to treat yourself more kindly and, as a result, treat others more kindly, too.

Helps you detach from your ego: Meditation allows you to reorient your sense of self-esteem away from the attachments of your ego. By distancing yourself from your ego (or “I, me, mine” thoughts) in general, you also distance yourself and even silence your inner critic. Although it might sound contradictory, thinking less about yourself, in general, can significantly boost self-confidence overall.

At its best, the inner critic is one voice among many—and you can take it or leave it.

If you can sift through these self-critical thoughts objectively and analytically, you can discover whether they’re valuable or merely detrimental and untrue.

The former can help you improve as a person; the latter will only bring you down.

At its worst, the inner critic can act as an intrusive, overpowering force—wracking you with unnecessary self-doubt and causing insecurity, depression, and anxiety.

Letting your inner critic run roughshod over you like this usually isn’t healthy.

Managing this facet of your inner dialogue can lead to positive personal growth possibilities, but left to its own devices, it can cause an overwhelming amount of negative self-talk and low self-esteem.

Source ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[yanderes-galore]

Fandom: Attack On Titan

Character: Eren Yeager

Pairing: Romantic

Type of Fic: Concept (HCs)

Also if it's okay, I'd like it to be seasons 1-3 Eren, people don't write much for that version anymore :(

Yeah... I like both characterizations since they act so different from one another. Although, I felt it would make more sense if I covered all of him in one concept as someone else asked for him and I feel his obsession builds throughout the years. Sorry if I miss something, There's so much to cover.

For example, I wanted to add more of Mikasa enabling him and cute Attack Titan moments... but I just focused on Eren slowly getting worse throughout the concept instead :( He's such a complex character but I love him sm....

❗️Potential spoilers for AOT as a whole❗️

Yandere! Eren Yeager Concept

(Seasons 1-3 + 4)

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Jealousy, Possessive behavior, Isolation, Fear of loss, Murder, Blood, Violence, Dark themes, Mass murder, Mikasa enables him early obsession, Suicidal thoughts mention, Kidnapping, Dubious turned forced relationship.

WELL! Where do I start...?

It would make sense to start where Eren's story began, right?

When he met you in the Cadets after the fall of Wall Maria.

When you first met Eren, you respected his determination and ambition.

You and Eren were naive then.

Two souls who were both affected by the Shiganshina Tragedy.

Which is no doubt what brought you two close.

Eren before Season 4 is a character you can no doubt get behind.

He simply wants to fight for something more.

He doesn't want to be caged in these walls.

You respect such a fight within him.

At this time, Eren's view is very black and white.

Eren's yandere behavior in general is Overprotective, Clingy, Obsessive, Manipulative, and easily jealous.

He keeps this Yandere behavior, even through Season 4.

It's just, obviously, at different levels.

Seasons 1-3 is the time Eren's obsession would grow.

It's when you meet, it's when you train together, and it gives you both time to get attached.

The Eren you meet is a determined yet curious boy.

He encouraged you to keep fighting, he always smiled and asked to train.

Five years as Cadets... and you two learn to trust one another.

As Cadets, you two are friends.

Even Mikasa, though she loves Eren, can see you two interact well.

Eren's behavior seems like it would start as an innocent crush.

Despite focusing on becoming a Scout, he can't deny he has... feelings.

You're attractive to him, have a sweet personality, and seem to ground him when things get bad.

Mikasa usually does such a thing, but he notices it more with you.

It's childish... But he can't help but gawk.

Eren first feels his heart flutter when you two are Cadets.

His feelings only seem to get stronger after the Battle of Trost.

Eren convinced you to be a Scout with his ambition.

Perhaps... You yourself even began to care for him.

Not quite the same way... But you support him.

Eren's naturally scared when you learn he can become a Titan.

However... You don't shy away.

You continue to support him.

He loves you even more for it.

Something I feel I could never ignore in an Eren concept is this...

Interactions between you and Eren's Titan form.

Since Eren becomes increasingly more coherent when training in his Titan as a Scout.

He no doubt enjoys you around, even as a Titan.

Especially since he's fallen for you.

Even in Trost, when he first becomes his Titan, he doesn't try to harm you.

He's feral in such a state, yet when he sees you about to be eaten by a Titan...?

He slams down said Titan with a roar, squashing their nape with a feral intensity.

After Trost, when training how to utilize his Titan, you're often right by his side watching.

I like to imagine Eren shows affection towards his obsession as a Titan in your early years.

Such as picking you up to hold you, carrying you on his shoulder, and depending on if you're dating or not... licking you like a dog.

In fact... You may actually date Eren by this point.

When you're both young during Seasons 1-3, you two may end up dating.

If I had to pick when, sometime before or after Season 2?

Before you two end up dating, he's a bit childish with his crush.

He stutters, blushes, hides it....

He's a bit nervous to admit it.

He sometimes follows you around, asking to hang out or train.

Maybe when you two join the Scouts or something he decides he... can't hide those feelings anymore.

He adores you and enjoys your similar goals.

Which may make him confess to you for being there for him.

Originally Mikasa felt jealous.

Although, she sees how Eren acts towards you...

So naturally she supports him every step of the way.

Even when Eren's obsession gets more intense, Mikasa supports you two and looks after you.

Such determination only wavers later on.

Eren starts as just overprotective.

He defends you when someone picks a fight on you, and carefully notes where you are during missions.

Like all of his friends, Eren cares for you above all else.

Even as his Titan, you can see how gently he holds you and lets you touch his face.

When it's just fighting Titans... things are simple.

You and Eren have time to interact and be playful.

He doesn't seem like that bad of a boyfriend.

Even as a large Titan, he's gentle and keeps you close.

He adores you and is overly protective.

Although... Some may say he's even possessive based on how he acts towards others.

For example, Jean.

Or even Reiner later on.

Even though Jean has gotten better since Trost, Eren still despises him around you.

Eren even prioritizes your safety over objectives at times.

There's so many times he's been scolded by Levi for looking after you too much.

Why shouldn't he?

He's loved you probably a while since he met you.

Even during the mission to capture the Female Titan, or to fight the Armored/Colossal Titan, Eren would look after you in his Titan.

You didn't think Eren could be bad.

Of course he was protective...

But he'd never hurt you.

By the time Season 3 rolls around, Eren's behavior isn't innocent.

Sure, he got into fights sometimes, he seemed too protective at other times...

Yet in Season 3/after Season 3?

He's worse.

Season 3 is when Eren learns the truth about everything.

So while Eren isn't that bad in Seasons 1-2, He starts getting bad Season 3.

You notice here that Eren, your boyfriend, is getting worse.

He's distant, nervous, or downright suicidal.

He keeps saying he shouldn't exist.

Although, each time he does, you quickly hug him close and tell him he should.

He knows you don't understand, yet he can't help but pull you close and bury his face into your shoulder.

By the time you two see what's beyond The Walls, Eren's not the person you once knew.

No, instead he's darker.

He's worse than he was in Seasons 1-3.

In Seasons 1-3, He's overprotective, clingy, possessive, and slightly manipulative.

Afterwards?

He's still protective and possessive... yet isolating.

In fact, Eren gets increasingly more manipulative and possessive.

To the point of putting a strain on your relationship by Season 4.

In the time between Seasons 3-4, Eren isn't the man you once supported and loved.

Everything in this world is changing now... Including Eren.

Or was he always like this?

You can't even tell at this point.

He was beginning to fear you'll die on him around Season 3.

It was a miracle he hadn't lost you yet when you joined The Scouts.

The fear of losing you was always there, though....

Mikasa no doubt senses Eren's fear of losing you.

Eren's never far from you, always close even as new plans are put into place.

Mikasa does the same thing, acting as a bodyguard to the both of you.

By this point she's accepted the fact Eren loves you.

Although... She and Armin get more concerned when they see Eren trying to hide you away.

He always wants to be in private with you.

His normally soft kisses become filled with possessive desperation... a way to vent.

His touches are now rough.

You know damn well he's changed and you hate it.

You have a good feeling Zeke changed him, yet there's a good chance Eren adapted this new world view on his own.

Even when your relationship starts growing distant, Eren always asks you questions.

One sticks in your head the most...

"Do you know what I'd do to protect you?"

You knew the answer.

A lot.

You know Eren would always do anything to protect those he cares about.

You and his friends are all he cares about.

When he said no one else matters...

He meant it.

Even when you no longer love him, Eren would expect you to stick by him.

When you hesitate on the idea of bringing him and Zeke together... Eren drags you into it anyways.

He doesn't understand why you no longer love him.

He's helping you.

He's protecting you.

When The Rumbling begins, He'll create a place where you're safe.

Why are you so scared of him!?

You are still aware that he still loves you, right?

He'd kill for you, he already has!

Don't you remember your times together?

It may not have meant much now...

But he refuses to let you go.

Even when you try to leave him, or if you try to flee, he's stronger than ever.

His Attack Titan, after Liberio, is imbued with the Warhammer Titan.

You can try to run, but Eren will chase you.

He's still gentle as his Titan even now, but he'll still trap you in his mouth to keep you still.

Early Eren wouldn't kidnap, He'd try to convince you to skip missions but wasn't too forceful.

Now during Marley? What he says, goes.

Mikasa, Armin, and the others hesitate to support him anymore.

How can they when he not only supports mass slaughter to end the world... but has been mistreating you for months?

He's gone from being a sweet and loving boyfriend... To treating you like a possession.

Nothing else matters but you.

Eren, even now, wants to keep you from harm.

If it means Eren has to keep you locked underground until after The Rumbling... He sees no problem in it.

He orders you to be kept out of danger, even when he activates his Founding Titan.

He may be focused on a greater goal, but he's always planned to reclaim you afterwards.

Eren would create The Rumbling for not only his own goals, but to prevent any more harm coming to you or anyone else he loves.

You'd be forced to watch as hundreds of Titans storm the landscape.

You can only hope Eren's stopped.

You doubt even you can change his mind.

Eren has it in his head that this is how he'll protect you.

After this, your shared enemies will pay.

After this, he'll come back to you... and you'll love him again.

You'll be protected, out of harm, and back in his arms.

Then he's free to hold you, kiss you, and no longer fear you'll die in some battle.

You'll never have to leave him again...

He just needs to see The Rumbling through, then you're all his, forever.

[gogobluedynamite]

I’ve been thinking about how the other players (and Caine) view Kinger, courtesy of the First Player. Sooo…I guess you will be expecting something like this in full for the fic.

Of the main cast, I can see one half treating Kinger as an actual person and the other half treating the man…not ideal.

The ones who I think treat Kinger like a regular person are Pomni (obviously), Gangle, and (believe it or not) Caine.

I’m not too sure how Pomni originally thought of Kinger, since she only had her one-to-one with him in Ep3. Before, she probably did just see him as a loon like everyone else. She does seem a bit patient with him throughout the manor adventure. I do think that after seeing the side of Kinger in the dark very much changed her views of him and just treated him like an actual person because the Kinger she got to know in Hell still exists in the fractured mind of the insane Kinger.

As for Gangle…Of what little interactions we’ve seen with the two, Gangle is very patient with Kinger with his forgetfulness and odd mannerisms. She also just talks to him as she would with anyone else.

Now Caine…We’ve seen about two interactions between the two (Ep1 and Ep4) and they weren’t really a one-to-one scenario like what Caine did with Zooble and Gangle. I reeeeeeeaaally we get that in a future episode. Other than that, I am a lowkey Royalteeth shipper. However, I do adore the father-son relationship writers cooked up for the pair in their fics, especially if Kinger did have a hand in Caine’s creation. But, for me, I lean more towards the fact that the two are very good friends. Perhaps even close friends before. At least colleagues in a way. I can see Caine generally going along with whatever insanity Kinger is spouting cuz…well, Caine is rather insane himself too. Think of the Mad Hatter and March Hare, I guess. I do think that Caine has similar views as Pomni does towards Kinger, but the main difference is that Caine truly got to meet the Kinger he once was…And maybe misses that side of him, despite entertaining Kinger's insane thought processes. Just like he missed the first arrivals to the Circus.

And, come on. I soooooooo headcanon that Caine’s love of bees came from either Kinger or Queenie. My money’s on Queenie.

As for the rest…

I do think that Jax and Zooble just see Kinger as a man who had long lost his marbles, with Jax (clearly) not thinking very highly of Kinger and Zooble, while probably nicer to Kinger in comparison, also doesn’t put a lot of faith in him.

Ragatha…is interesting. I don’t remember who brought this up to me, but this person kinda sees Ragatha as the de facto leader of the players. True, it was Jax who was taking charge in who's rescuing Zooble and who’s getting Kaufmo. Buuut…during Candy Carrier Chaos, it was Ragatha who was initiating conversation with the princess and Jax just does whatever as long as he can do crime. So, in a way, Ragatha succeeds Kinger as the group's leader and she knows this. She might have figured that Kinger used to be a leader of some kind because of how long he’s been around and he just…snapped one day. And she took it upon herself to take the leading role so Kinger doesn’t have to deal with it since he’s ‘already suffered enough’. What I’m getting at here is that while Ragatha could still respect Kinger, she still sees him as something broken that needs to be handled with care since he’s been through so much.

In other words…Ragatha might be a lowkey ableist here (I think microaggression might be accurate for this). Heck, she’s kind of an enabler too. Not in an encouraging way, but her people pleaser mindset sort of makes her let shit happen.

I know this might be a weird take as, well, if this is the case, then why would she let Kinger participate in adventures? Answers to that could be that, maybe, she’s tried this before. Long before Pomni arrived. And maybe the only reason she relents in letting Kinger join is because Caine insisted as he knows that Kinger can handle his adventures as he has done many times before the ragdoll’s arrival. Despite her worry (and despite not seeing that Kinger is very much capable of handling himself), Ragatha lets it be. She does grow to appreciate his presence, but is still concerned for his safety. His mental safety, that is.

I’m not sure if any of this made sense (and I might revamp my thinking on this in the future), but it was so interesting to think about.

[waitmyturtles]

Last Twilight, episode 4: reflections

Ooooooohhhhh, yeah -- of course! What else would we expect from an Aof Noppharnach show at episode 4? It's getting good, it's getting GOOD, babies!

You know, I have been locked into huge Bad Buddy brainrot for a little under two months now -- my last Bad Buddy meta for my Old GMMTV Challenge project drops next week. Whenever I'm watching an Aof Noppharnach show, I'm always looking for parallels to his past shows. This episode of Last Twilight had parallels and references in spades, both visually and thematically, that just got my heart going.

As @grapejuicegay caught: Mhok singing to Day from stage harkened to He's Coming to Me. Gee waving Mhok into the photo with the badminton club, Mhok looking bemused to be pushed a little closer next to Day, and Mhok's arm going around Day's back -- yet another sneak picture snuggle at a reunion, à la episode 12 of Bad Buddy. Mhok sleeping on the floor, next to a bed, under a comforter -- where have we seen that before. (And it looks like we're going to get even more references next week.)

But besides the little lines and the visual cues to the themes and motifs that we know Aof loves in his shows, there's a bigger one that I want to meditate on for this episode.

In my last Bad Buddy meta next week, I'm going to meditate on the reasons why I think Pran felt comfortable and solid in his going to Singapore for two years, separating himself from Pat. Many of us BBS girlies picked up on this, but I'm going to meditate on the strength that Pran gained by having such a committed partner and family in Pat. "I can't live without you," as they say to each other in Our Skyy 2. And with that rock-solid foundation of love supporting Pran, Pran can spread his wings, explore himself, and find new dimensions of himself in a larger space of the world than he likely would have ever previously thought to occupy, if he had only his mother in his life as his foundation.

I see that Aof likes to explore this motif. And we see it in Day, in this episode. For the past year, Day has been locked up in his room. On his own volition? Likely, as Day has certainly been rocked with depression. But his family, his mother and his brother, also indeed enabled Day's behavior, and possibly/likely encouraged it, and adapted to it, and had Day adapt to their adaptations. The family also needed to process Day's tragedy, and holding it within the confines of that home was a part of how they did that.

I wrote last week that as ever, Aof loves to explore ideas of building community in his shows. Pran built his community, his family, with Pat. The same is now happening for Day, as he's able to explore the bigger world with Mhok and Mhok's support. Not just by going to the Chatuchak Market, but -- in this episode, Day will not hide from his friends anymore. He's able to talk to Gee, now, face to face, and to not be afraid of her potential judgment. He sees his friends trying to acclimate, sees Porjai literally asking how to engage. As he has Mhok at his side, Day can spread his wings, and like Pran, discover that there's a world again, out there, that can welcome him in his new state. Day rediscovers his old friends in a new light, and once again regains a community that he thought was previously lost to him.

Besides this big theme stuff, a small moment that really got me: the last scene of Day coming to Mhok in the middle of the night to try to see Mhok's face. Of course, Day would try to do that as they're sleeping, so as to not have Mhok catch him in the act. But -- without light, how was Day going to see Mhok's face, otherwise?

I love that it was the light of that fishtank that illuminated Mhok's face, giving Day a better chance to see Mhok.

That light improved Day's luck. With Mhok helping to fix the grungy fishtank earlier in the series -- he's brought light back to Day's life.

EEEEEEE -- we have an Aof episode 5 next week, EEEEEEE!

[late-to-the-party-81]

Because it's Eurovision! Okay..?

AN: I wanted to write this last year, but didn’t, and then the enablers in the BBE server forced encouraged me. So enjoy this cracky Avengers Tower fic, where nobody dies and everyone lives happily ever after.

Un-beta’d

Dividers by @firefly-graphics and moodboard by me

Masterlist

Relationship: - None - Just good old team bonding.

Word Count: 1k

CW: Eurovision spoilers, American confusion, Domestic Avengers

“Oki doki, kiddos - what’s so important we’ve brought forward movie night to…” Tony looked at his watch. “... 3 o’clock in the afternoon?”

He looked around the lounge in confusion as Nat, Wanda and Bucky rearranged all the sofas, cushions and beanbags. Flag bunting hung from the ceiling, and the small kitchenette counter was laden with various snacks.

“It’s Eurovision, Tony.” Nat’s tone of voice suggested that that explained it all.

It did not.

“Euro-what now?”

Wanda came up beside him and started to steer him towards one of the seats.

“Just sit down, Stark. It’s about to start. Now where are the others?”

She looked around, auburn hair flying, but relaxed as Clint walked in, a grin on his face, followed by Bruce, Steve, and Sam. Wanda looked around them and smiled as Vision floated through the wall and towards her.

Clint bounded forward, launching himself over the back of the sofa and bouncing down next to Tony.

“Boy, are you in for a treat! This is going to be epic.” He grinned, completely unfazed by the blank looks from the other men. 

Sam settled on one of the other couches after a stern glare from Bucky, Steve joining him.

“Umm, could you possibly explain further?”

“If you will allow me…” The dulcet tones of FRIDAY echoed through the room as Nat and Bucky continued to shift and shuffle things around their confused team mates. “The Eurovision Song Contest is an annual event held in mid May every year, where the countries across the European continent all submit a musical act singing an original song. There are two semi-finals and then the final 26 acts star in the Final.”

Steve still looked confused.

“Well, what do the winners get?”

“The winning country gets to host the competition the following year, providing a boost for tourism and culture.”

Bruce settled down on the third couch, somehow having already snagged a bowl of popcorn.

“So the songs are good then?”

Nat snorted derisively.

“Nope. They are camp and cheesy, with ludicrous outfits, smoke machines and lots of pyrotechnics. But that’s the joy of it. And lots of the countries sing in their own language, so you have no idea what the song is actually about.”

Tony’s eyes went wide, nothing any clearer than it was before.

“Then why are we watching?”

As one Nat, Bucky and Wanda turned towards him.

“Because it’s Eurovision.”

“Umm, okay then…” He sunk down into the cushions, not sure it was worth risking the ire of undoubtedly the most dangerous trio in the room. “Can I ask why Thor gets out of this…”

Just then, the building shook, the unmistakable rumbling and light display signifying the bifrost had just hit the roof.  “..Scratch that.”

Nat turned on the television and squished in next to Clint. Vision and Wanda snuggled down into the beanbags. Thor burst into the room a few minutes later, placing Mjolnir onto the countertop.

“I haven’t missed it, have I?”

He took the final space next to Bruce, who passed over the bowl of popcorn.

“It’s the flag parade, apparently.”

The blonde god leant forward, arms resting on his knees.

“Ooo. I know this one! That’s Norway. I like them.”

Bruce smiled and elbowed his friend.

“Of course you do, they still treat you like a god.”

Across the room, Steve leant over to Bucky to whisper in his ear.

“Can I ask, if this is a European competition, why are Australia taking part?”

“Because they love how camp it is, and asked if they could join in.”

“I’m going to be confused during this whole thing, aren’t I?”

“Uh-huh…” Bucky threw some M & Ms up in the air, catching them in his mouth.

Back on the central sofa, Nat started to bounce slightly.

“Here we go! Prepare to be amazed…”

For the next 2.5 hrs the team sat, glued to the television, all manner of emotions running through them as they watched the eclectic musical display.

“Am I missing something,” asked Sam. “Why are they singing about Edgar Allen Poe?”

Bucky shrugged. “Why not?”

“Okay..?”

Steve nudged Bucky.  

“Buck - what’s she singing?”

“About how her love for her man is driving her crazy, but she doesn’t know if he feels the same.”

“Okay..?”

“My love…”

“Yes, Vis?

“This is an anti-war song, isn’t it?”

“It is, Vis.”

“Okay..?”

“Earth to Sam! Earth to Sam!”

Tony threw a screwed up piece of paper across the room and watched Sam jolt and shake his head as it bounced off.

“What?”

“You seem a bit invested in the Cyprus act there….”

“Fuck off, Tony.”

“Okay..?”

“Nat?”

“Yes, Bruce?”

“I don’t want to be rude, but is there a reason she seems likes she’s dressed like a werewolf?”

“Because it’s Eurovision.”

“Umm…okay..?”

Thor was bouncing in his seat as the Finnish act started.  

“This is more like it!”

Bruce peered at the screen, as though the neon pink and green outfits were starting to give him a migraine.

“But…but what’s it about?”

“Going out drinking!”

“Okay..?”

“Errrrm, Buck…What the hell did I just watch?”

Bucky didn’t even turn his head at Steve’s question.

“Croatia.”

That didn’t really help. All Steve knew was that he’d just seen something he couldn’t unsee.

“Okay..?”

The act from the UK finished and Tony stood up, cracking his neck.

“Well, guys. Thanks for that, I think. But now that’s over…”

“Nope!” Nat reached across Clint, who’d fallen asleep between them, slowly drooling on a cushion, to grab hold of Tony’s t-shirt and pull him back down. “Now it’s the half time show while the voting is done, and then it’s the results. And this year, we can vote from outside Europe. Look, there’s an app and everything.”

Tony blinked slowly in disbelief. “When’s it due to finish?”

“About 7pm.”

“What!” At Tony’s shout Clint sat bolt upright, snorted and sucked up a string of drool. “This thing goes on for 4 hours. Like how?”

“BECAUSE IT’S EUROVISION!” Came the chanted reply, this time with Thor joining in.

“Okay..?”

Tony pulled out his phone and opened the app store with a shrug. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

“I got $50 on Finland. Who wants in?”

At 7.05pm Tony sat staring at the screen, mouth wide open as the others groaned and started to pass cash towards Bruce.

“What the fuck just happened?”

Bruce smiled and shrugged.

“It’s Eurovision, Tony.”

Tag list: @jobean12-blog @sidepartskinnyjeans @flordeamatista @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @chemtrails-club @seitmai @peaches1958 @pono-pura-vida @writing-for-marvel

[tarysande]

On Grief. And On Friendship. On Memory. And Love.

When my grandmother died, we didn't have a traditional funeral. We didn't wear black. We didn't sit around, solemn and silent. We told stories. We ate food she would have liked and drank Bailey's with cream. We got to do it together, of course, and we got to cry and hug and mourn and laugh and sing.

I'm sure all of us have heard some version of the phrase "online friendships aren't REAL friendships." I know I have. I've never understood it, either. For me, in all my neurodiverse glory, online friendships are often MORE REAL. Where else can you meet people and immediately jump into all the things you have in common? All the shared loves and hates and hyperfixations? Where else can you just bypass small-talk and, as Anne of Green Gables would say, find bosom friends so quickly? I've met so many online.

I honestly don't remember when I met Sara/@dearophelia. When I look through my tags, I know it's been at least seven years. I'm certain it's been longer because she definitely had username changes. And I am total shit at remembering username changes. More than once, I've told myself I should keep a spreadsheet. I'm pretty sure I've known her almost as long as I've been on tumblr, and that's more than a decade.

When Sara got sick, I finally used that tumblr function that notifies you whenever a blog updates. I wasn't around tumblr as regularly, but I didn't want to miss anything Sara might say. I hoped that one day I'd get the notification that everything was clear, she was in remission.

I didn't. Today, I got what will be the final notification from her blog--@vhenadahls sharing the information that Sara passed away. That there wouldn't be anymore updates. No more reblogs. No more snarky comments in the tags or gushing comments in the tags.

If this were a room and everyone who loved Sara, who enjoyed her fanfic (with or without knowing the woman behind it!), who has listened to her playlists, who played ME3 multiplayer with her, who was in any way touched by her in a way that brought their lives joy, it would be so full. We would all have stories to share. We'd all have memories to relive.

This room would be decorated with labradorite and pink and fat birbs and cats. There would be so much music--Taylor Swift and Halsey and Florence and the Machine and Hozier and so many many others. There would be a million fabulous selfies on the walls of Sara's huge smile and her vulnerability and her bravery. There would be gaming knickknacks and D&D dice and tarot decks and crystals and magic and books on every surface. All her faves would be represented. And it would still only brush the surface of how vibrant she was and how deeply and enthusiastically she loved what she loved.

If this were a room where we could also add all the characters she created, whose stories so many of us loved ... well, it would have to be awfully big. Sara wrote a lot of stories for a lot of fandoms.

And if this were a room where we and her characters were gathered, but we opened the doors for all the characters and stories that Sara helped inspire, helped grow, encouraged and enabled, well, I know a whole lot of my characters and stories would be here, too. I'm sure I decided to create Rose Trevelyan because of some conversation Sara and I had where I was imagining Rose Vakarian-Shepard grown up.

Sara, I'm really sorry I didn't get to finish the Vakarian-Shepard stories before you left. Most writers write for themselves, sure, but often they also write for specific readers. Sara was always one of mine, but I don't think she knew it. I lived for her gushing tag-comments. I loved when she was always so quick to jump in with prompts.

I'm honored that I was someone with whom Sara shared her original fic work. (She also once shared an absolutely horrifying scene with Garrus and Shepard's clones that she cut from Nora's story because it was just TOO AWFUL. In fact, she shared it with me BECAUSE IT WAS SO AWFUL and she knew I'd appreciate it.) In my heart of hearts, I wanted Sara to finish that original story and publish it. I wanted us to be part of each other's group of writer-friends (you know, you always see them thanking each other in their books). Hell, I wanted to have a small press at some point just SO I could publish Sara's stories. I believed in her THAT MUCH.

I love Sara's stories. I love her playlists. I love her blog, with its hodgepodge of interests and loves. I love her imagination and creativity and attention to detail. I love that I can still visit that mind by reading the bounty of work she left behind.

I mean, she made me wholeheartedly buy into a relationship between Shepard's mom and ZAEED.

Sara was one of the constants in my online life over the last decade. Even if we hadn't chatted for a while, I always knew we could pick up again like no time had passed (thanks, ADHD). As I write this, there's a little chat circle on the bottom right of my tumblr screen with her avatar in it and I can't bear the thought of hitting that X button and never seeing it pop up again.

Sara struggled and loved and fought and overcame and breathed and was brave. Not just in the past few years, when she was sick. As long as I knew her. And she didn't let anything stop her. She snarled in the face of it all and wrote stories so beautiful they broke my heart and then pieced it back together again in the same paragraph.

I miss her. I will always miss her. But I'm so happy I got to know her as long as I did. She'll live on in my memories, in my stories, in the characters she helped inspire. She'll live on every time I look at my favorite tarot deck--she was the first person I yelled at when I bought it--and when I see fat birbs and cute-maybe-evil cats. And if that's not REAL friendship, real love, I don't know what is.

[do-u-know-this-autisticcharacter]

Do You Know This (Non-canon) Autistic Character?

Evidence is this Tumblr post! What it says about Sayaka below the cut!

Deadpan, forthright, and unapologetically candid, Kanamori never hesitates to voice her thoughts, no matter how harsh or unvarnished they may be. She is often deemed as impolite, ruthless or severely intimidating (by adults and peers her age alike), and is jokingly compared to the likes of the Yakuza. She’s regarded with a degree of caution, due to her unwavering no-nonsense attitude and the fact that she will stop at nothing to get what she wants, phone camera at the ready to capture any slip up that could potentially be used as blackmail later. Survival is her top priority, looking out for herself and whoever might be left behind unfairly by circumstance. She has a steadfast mind for business and strong work ethic, openly admitting to her desire for monetary compensation (or other favors and methods of payment, such as milk or food) for even the smaller and most mundane of tasks, and won’t shy away from charging fellow members of the club as well.

She firmly holds the belief that friendship is an idealized and glorified notion. To her, individuals referred to as "friends" are often mere products of chance, brought together by shared interests and nothing more. Sayaka adamantly refrains from using the term "friend" and readily corrects anyone who mistakenly categorizes her coworkers or those she spends time with as such. She befittingly conveyed this perspective of hers to Midori on the very day they first crossed paths, and this prompted Midori to freely opt out of using the label entirely as well, instead referring to her closest peers as “comrades” ever since.

Regardless of this, Sayaka prefers to achieve a level of coexistence, as she personally describes it, with those she truly cares about, such as the few other club members. While not explicitly considering the girls as her friends, her actions reveal a deep concern for their well-being. She often watches over them, remains by their side and is ready to defend them and their cause whenever necessary. A significant reason the club came to be in the first place is Sayaka's recognition of her classmates' immense artistic potential. She encouraged them to establish their own independent studio, enabling them to create their animated films, attain recognition, and reap profits from their efforts.

In her role as their producer, she's primarily motivated by financial gain, but as she reviews Midori's and Tsubame's work, she ensures they always have the option to do their job efficiently and avoid overexerting themselves if they ever choose to do so. She’s equally supportive of their goals and will often assure them that their art is more than good enough. She insists that their work is already impressive; therefore, they could forgo so much self-imposed pressure and stop doubting their abilities or attaching undue importance to others' unhelpful criticisms, as these are often incongruent with their own artistic sensibilities and convictions.

Sayaka lacks interest and doesn’t possess much insight about art herself, yet she is more than willing to learn from her team to become a better producer. Aside from having a keen eye for business since her early childhood (despite being bad at math), she also appears to be quite knowledgeable in a wide variety of topics, and will take people by surprise whenever she starts rambling about the ins-and-outs of something that’s relevant at any given moment. One time, someone pointed out that Kanamori wasn’t at all different from Asakusa on this regard, to which Tsubame responded with a simple and knowing “yup”.

She can be seen idly cracking the knuckles of her right hand every now and then, and rarely displays a different emotion as she goes about her day donning a neutral grimace on her face. Kanamori almost only ever smiles when she’s getting paid, when friendly mocking someone, or when she’s in the middle of twisting someone’s arm to hers and the club’s advantage.

[springledongle]

Wow. Well...what can I say?

It's been a wild ride. 7 years of SpringleDongle, granted the last year has been a hiatus on Tumblr (I've been actively posting in the official discord). Posting the archive was also a massive task- 625 total posts on the new blog!

I've lost the several thousand followers I had on my old account, but that's just the nature of things. Hopefully I can regain a new audience as new asks are responded to, and new arcs posted!

I don't know what to say. So many people made this blog what it is, and I've had so many friends support me during the downtime. I'm in tears just thinking about how much this blog means to me.

I want to personally thank a few people.

@springlockedfoxy : My love, my life, my husbunny. Without you, I would've given up a long time ago. Thank you for the love, the inspiration, and your endless support. I'm so excited for our new life together.

@foxygogogo : My precious sibling. Without you, this blog wouldn't exist. We created a universe together, our silly characters and story, and of course Stan. Thank you for always being enthusiastic and enabling my bullshit stories, and being the best Funtime Foxy ever.

@ask-springsecurity : My beloved best friend, whose ongoing support and enthusiasm for our story has kept me coming back again and again. Hopefully I can push you to continue your blog too!

@sproingtrep : My blog wouldn't exist without you. Your blog was such an influential story for so many people, myself included. Thank you for rooting for me over the years, and best of luck in your non-FNAF endeavours!

@primalarc : You've always motivated me to better my art, try new techniques, and pushed my characters with Mike bullying everyone. You are such an incredible friend, I love you so much. I treasure that FNAF brought us to eachother, made our characters interact, and let me come to meet you!

@pinkusponkus : My absolutely darling, soft and gentle friend. Your support for me on and off the blog has meant an immense amount over the years. Thank you for always being gentle, encouraging and supportive towards me, both on and off the blog. I'm so lucky to have met you.

@ravi-and-rainbows : Your ever-passionate love of Jingles made him into so much more of a character than he was originally planned. Your ongoing love, support and shitposts never failed to cheer me up and make me laugh. I'm sorry I killed Jingles. ):

And of course I have so many people that I can't even think of the words, but I love and appreciate you all! A few more names I want to put here, dedicated thanks to my server members:

@livingneptunian , @inga-don-studio , @unknownthedemonrabbit123 , @misty-bun , @the-night-trio , @ask-jollibee-and-co , and so many more!

Moving forward, we are BACK.

The inbox is open, the story is active, and we will keep going! I have so much in store for all of you that I can't wait to share.

So much love to all of you.

From Erik, Springle, and the entire crew here at Freddy Fazbear's Party and Pizza.

I always come back.

[sophieinwonderland]

Have I mentioned the "Sophie is dangerous" document's weird attempts at trying to get people to associate me with r/systemscringe?

Sophie first refers to r/systemscringe as a hate group, interestingly enough only after getting banned in Nov. 2022.

Yes, I suppose it's really "interesting" that, while trying to make comments supporting the existence of endogenic systems in r/systemscringe and change minds there with sources, I was avoiding using language that would be too inflammatory towards them because I knew I was on thin ice as it was and didn't want to rock the boat too much

I also, if I remember correctly, had an unspoken policy of censoring their Reddit usernames in my screenshots of them back then. Something which, if you notice, I no longer do. And I believe I stopped immediately after that banning.

Since my ban, there was no longer any tactical advantage in playing nice with the hate group as I lost my avenue to be able to communicate and change their minds.

The phrasing here though almost seems to imply that my move to call them a hate group was retaliation for my ban or worse, suggests that I didn't see them as a hate group before that. Both of which are off the mark.

Although yes, I did consciously change tactics with how I approached r/systemscringe after my banning. Just like I later changed tactics with sysmeds in general when I realized that presenting scientific evidence wouldn't convince them, and I shifted my goals away from conversion of system medicalists and more towards stigmatization of their ideology.

With known and prominent anti-endo blogger, and basically Sophie’s archnemesis from day 1, Mod Dude of @/sysmedsaresexist (also @/justanothersyscourse) no longer identifying as anti-endo, and providing medical peer-reviewed research, studies and journals, as well as personal convos with well known and prominent DID doctors, showing that endogenic plurality is a possibility on their platform, along with the Stanford Tulpa Study being brought to the spotlight of SysCourse due to a Reddit AMA, there’s been certain anti-endo groups hurling accusations such as the science is fake, the doctor’s are illegitimate, the studies aren’t legitimate, the doctors have an agenda, or just refusing to engage in the scientific literature at all in favor of remaining in ignorance. Sophie has really clung to this psychiatric validation from her time in r/systemscringe, which has sparked a conversation between anti-psych and psych-critical endos and Sohpie, who is really pushing endogenic validity via scientific research.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????

I've been fascinated with the psychology of systems since as long as I've been self-aware. I think I was actually fascinated with the psychology of imaginary friends before I was even self-aware.

I am a firm believer that psychological research into endogenic systems will be what brings the largest boon in plural acceptance in liberal circles if we can get the messaging across.

Some people disagree and don't think it's worthwhile to rely on academic evidence and support.

Some people fear that tying ourselves too closely to the psych community will give psychiatrists more power and enable abuse. Personally, I think having a positive relationship with psychiatrists will encourage more plural-informed care that will be better for all systems seeking treatment, while studies also will provide us evidence that will help us gain support from people who do put trust into psychiatry.

Whether you agree or disagree with this though, you should know that this opinion was formed long before I started trying to correct r/systemscringe.

There's no relationship between the two!

This is such a bizarre point of attack!

[yaachtynoboat711]

Can We Talk?

A/N: Hey y’all! If I didn’t know any better, I’d suspect y’all really like Karis and Kevin, probably because we’re deprived of Kevin being happy on the show. School has been beating my ASS and had taken all bits of skill (writing included) from me. Hopefully, I can create more this summer! Anyways, I hope you all enjoy Karis and Kevin’s first date!!! Once again, shout out to @awerkofart for enabling this series! Love you 🥹.

Warning(s): Language, Drinking

Word Count: 2814

Like many other Milennials, one of the staples of Karis Brown’s social life was weekend brunch. Sunday Brunch, specifically, was for recapping the times of fun from the night before. However, this Sunday Brunch was no usual outing. It was a date with Coffee Bae, Kevin. He’d called her 20 minutes before to set it up and it was up to her to solidify an unforgettable second impression.

*buzz* *buzz* Incoming Group FaceTime Call from Sisterhood of the Traveling Scrubs

Loren and Jada were waiting on Karis to answer. “Heyy—oop! Hold on…,” Jada watched Karis as she propped her phone on a shelf, “…girl, what you got goin’?!” Loren brought her attention to the screen. Essence, Rose, and Rochelle all staggered into the group call, all shocked to see their friend searching for an outfit.

“Who you gettin’ cute for, bitch?,” Rose demanded. Everyone seconded her question.

Karis laughed to herself, “I never got a chance to bring it up, but I met a guy at Jahva on Friday. He asked me out for brunch, so I’m taking him up on his offer.”

“WHAAAAAT?!?!? Karis Zhanai Brown…going on a DATE?! He better be the finest man in the city,” Essence added, the girls agreed, “Does he have a name?”

“Kevin,” Karis replied fighting a cheesy grin. The girls had been Karis’s girls since med school orientation, but they still knew how to grind her gears. It didn’t make it any better that they were neighbors with key access to each other’s houses. They were going to be over there when Karis and Kevin returned from brunch. She was certain.

Karis paid her friends no mind as she changed into her sweatsuit. The girls threw out hypotheses and theories about this mythical Kevin. Little did they know, they were on mute as Karis tamed her coily hair into a half-up half-down style.

Karis finally unmuted herself as she laid her edges, “Y’all done?” Her friends looked to each other in silence, shocked that she’d just spoken after 5 minutes of unbridled chaos. “I just want to have a good time…for once. Let me just go to brunch and enjoy Kevin’s company. I appreciate the uproar around him, but let’s take this one moment at a time, aight?” Karis got up to pick out some shoes, “Sacai’s or Yeezy’s?”

Karis couldn’t remember the last time she’d been on a date. She couldn’t even remember going to a pleasurable business dinner. Studying and practicing medicine drained her of a social life and the opportunity to go on dates. Her family worked tirelessly for her to be the first doctor in the family, not be another wife. But this brunch date was different.

Karis sat in the car 10 minutes ahead of schedule, chest tight, and palms sweaty. Every social skill she possessed suddenly ceased to exist in this moment. She couldn’t even read the menu she’d just Googled. How amazing was the sight of the incomparable Dr. Karis Z. Brown herself—the surgeon that could do CABGs with one arm tied and repair carotids for breakfast—nearly hyperventilating at the thought of going to brunch with someone she met in her godparents’ coffee shop earlier in the week. “Get it together, mane,” she encouraged herself as she opened the car door to the slap of the sharp October Chicago wind at your face.

“What if she ghosts and makes me look like a fool?,” Kevin asked Kim as his leg bopped to the beat of the overhead music.

“Based on what you’ve told me about her, she doesn’t sound like the ghosting type. Besides, she’s 5 minutes early. Just breathe, Kev,” Adam instructed him over the phone. “Hey…,”he caught his attention, “…she might be as nervous as you are, if not more. The way you talked about her yesterday, it sounds impossible that she’d flake. Go enjoy yourself.”

Just as the call disconnected, the elevator door opened, revealing a nervous Karis looking down at her phone. Kevin’s face lit up as he saw her walk towards him in her khaki sweatsuit, brown fleece coat, matching chocolate Telfar, and Yeezy Foam Runners. She noticed his jeans, grey hoodie,navy flannel shirt, and wolf grey retro Jordan 12s.

The two embraced for the first time ever. She wasn’t certain of the cologne he wore, something with tobacco…maybe musk and leather… but whatever it was made her melt into his embrace. Lord, he smelled like a grown ass man.

After reluctantly pulling from his embrace, he offered Karis the seat in the booth. “A gentleman,” she complimented. The smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth spread to a full smile.

Karis got a corner glance at his shoes before he sat down, impressed at his shoe choice, “It could be my exhaustion, but are those the wolf grey 12’s?! They’ve been sold out here since I’ve moved here.”

His jaw dropped, “Girl, what you know ‘bout that?! Lemme find out you a sneaker head and a surgeon?!,” he remarked.

She threw her hands up, “Guilty as charged. It’s like the one thing that keeps me sane.” Karis felt her gapped smile betray her once again as she nervously fiddled with the gold necklaces around her neck. Kevin took notice; he was already entranced by her smile. He bit his lip, thinking of what to say next. The waiter coming to send the mimosa and water carafes gave him enough time to conjure something.

He looked at the caduceus and anatomical heart necklaces, “You always knew you wanted to be a heart surgeon?”

Karis glanced down at her heart necklace, shaking her head, “Nope. Wasn’t even in the cards until my med school rotations.”

Kevin’s eyes bucked open, “For real?!”

“I initially wanted to be a trauma surgeon or in sports med,” she admitted, filling both stemless flutes with passion fruit mimosas.

Kevin took a sip, noticing the potency of the drink, “So…shit that’s strong…what was that ‘a-ha’ moment?”

“My mom. She’d gotten sick from past trauma and I almost lost her. She had a cardiac tamponade—fluid from a sac in the heart fills the veins and blood and decreases oxygen flow, amongst other things. I wanted to help find a cause and solutions for her, so I went deep in my cardio books and found something. It saved her life.”

“I take it you and ya moms close?”

She pondered, “I’m her only child and there was a point that we were all we had. With everything we went through, we became trauma bonded.”

Kevin didn’t think he and Karis would have somewhat similar upbringings. His raising himself and later his siblings in Chicago and her being basically raised in Memphis by her mom before she met Karis’s stepdad. He had her figured out until they conversed.

It was easy to talk to each other. The conversations with one another felt familiar, as though they’d been friends for ages. With the aged feel of those conversations came the novelty of learning about one another. Karis quickly learned that Jordan and Vinessa—Kevin’s siblings—were the center of his universe. He showed her pictures of them, the smile on his face getting brighter the more he talked about them. In the same vain, Karis’s nieces and nephews (her step-sister Mary Margaret’s kids) were the lights of her life. Karis showed him the picture of her, Mary Evelyn, Luke, and Jacob at Jacob’s baptism. They were her “loaner kids” whenever she was back in Memphis.

Kevin’s gears began turning. He noticed how much Karis was active in church, based on the baptism picture and the mention of receiving Eucharist earlier this morning. He had to ask, “You Catholic?”

She huffed, “Close. Episcopalian. My mother is married to the Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of West Tennessee. Charleta Duncan, the blackest of women, married the whitest man in all of Memphis, Patrick O’Doughtery Brown. Yet it somehow works,” she caught herself holding back a loud laugh. Kevin laughed with her.

Karis finally checked her phone, which revealed that an hour and a half had passed. Where did the time go? Karis also saw the group chat was abuzz for updates and her whereabouts. Loren and Essence were asking for Kevin’s Social Security number, while Jada asked for his dental records (ironic since she was a DDS) and most recent background check. Karis prayed an “I’m fine. Lemme have fun” reply would suffice.

The DJ had been playing 90s R&B all day. Banger after banger after banger, people found themselves dancing in between tables and singing their hearts out.

Then it happened. She heard the three piano chords and 808 beat of her favorite song, Can We Talk, and that was all she needed to hear. Karis dramatically dropped her phone on the table, hands high in the air as to submit to the beat of the song.

“Girl whatchu know bout this,” Kevin joked as he watched her dance in her seat.

She didn’t respond. Karis waited for the lyrics to start. As Tevin Campbell began to talk his shit, so, too, she began lip-syncing to the words. Kevin, also singing, scooted out of the booth. He reached out for her hand saying, “Let’s talk then, mamas.” Karis accepted his offer, sliding out of the booth.

“Lemme show you how to step,” he offered. He took her free hand into his. He began twirling heg around, while moving his feet front, back, front, side, side, left, and right. She did her own combination, surprising Kevin.

He twirled her away from him, “I thought surgeons couldn’t dance,” he pulled her back in close.

“You ain’t met one from Nawf Memphis with an uncle and aunt in Chicago, mane,” she retorted. The pair continued stepping, working in tandem with the rhythm. He maneuvered her away and close to him while still singing with her.

They sang the final bridge at the top of their lungs. Everyone else in the restaurant became a choir as they all sang aloud. As the song ended, Kevin escorted Karis back to the booth. Luckily for them, the waitress had finally appeared with their entrees. Kevin remarked about the fun he had and how ready he was to eat. Karis seconded.

As Kevin ate the sample of salmon and eggs she offered, she found the right moment to ask, “Y’know, you’ve asked a lot about me. I wanna know about you. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do for a living?”

He choked on a piece of egg, “I’m a uh…business consultant,” he replied after gathering himself.

Her gut turned as he replied, “Is that your final answer?” He knew she knew something. Not quite that he was an undercover cop, but something.

“Yeah,” he answered.

“What’s your life goal?,” she asked without skipping a beat.

Kevin pondered, “Being a househusband.”

“You’re joking,” he wasn’t. There was a smirk held back, but he was about 45% serious.

“I mean, you’re a surgeon. Jackpot, right?,” he winked and licked his lips.

Karis re-adjusted herself, tilting her head before she spoke.

“To call yourself a househusband implies that we got married; to be married implies that we were betrothed; to be betrothed implies that were courted; to have courted implies that we went on other dates besides this one. Correct me if I’m wrong, Mr. Atwater, but it appears that you’re enjoying yourself and want to go on a another date?,” she observed as she downed her final mimosa, proud of her Sherlock-level deduction skills.

“Somethin’ like that. I do like being around you and I’d love to see you again,” Kevin offered her another bite of his chicken and red velvet waffles as he looked at her, clearly flustered at his charm and suave nature.

“I’d love a second date.”

He insisted on following her back home. He was concerned for her safety and wanted to see his date get in the house. He jogged to her door from his Hellcat, being sure she didn’t touch the handle. After the fight over the check (which she won), the least he could do was open Karis’s door. Karis usually went through the garage into the house; but since she had an audience in the foyer, it was her obligation to give them a show.

Karis led Kevin through the pathway in her front yard to the door. The rustled curtains confirmed Karis’s suspicion of nosy ass friends awaiting her arrival.

Kevin looked behind his date to see curtains rustling, “You must have someone over expecting you.”

Karis kicked the front door and adjacent wood panel, an attempt to shoo the girls away, “Oh, Kev, don’t pay they nosy asses no mind,” she said loud enough for them to hear inside. The two of you guffawed. The fact there were doctors listening to their friend’s conversation behind the door and foyer wall was so childish, yet comical. In the midst of the laughter, Kevin found her hands and held them between the two of them. Smooth fucker.

Once more, their eyes connected and simultaneously bit their lips, smitten with each other in the moment.

There was an obvious connection between the two love birds. For once, they mutually felt a sense of relief to be themselves. How is it that two strangers that met in a coffee shop by happenstance, were already so close after one brunch date? The romantic tension around them was nearly physical. It seemed as though they couldn’t be too far away from each other. Every once in a while, two people meet and in that initial meeting, it’s apparent to the Universe that they are meant for each other. They weren’t able to put their finger on it immediately, but this was Kevin & Karis. For once, they were able to enjoy someone’s company and immediately want to go somewhere else before their first date ended. They were destined.

“Karis, I really enjoyed you today. Seriously,” Kevin flashed a smile that made Karis’s feel an unfamiliar warm sensation radiate through her body.

“Same here, Kev. This was a breath of fresh air. We should do this again. Hopefully soon?”

He gently placed his large hand over her chin, peppering her lips with a meaningful, yet brief kiss, “Yeah. Real soon. I’ll holla atcha when I get to the crib?”

The sensation of his kiss, though temporary, weighed on her lips. She’d gone a hot minute without a kiss on the lips, yet his satisfied the long-ignored absence.

“Yeah,” was all Karis could muster.

He flashed one last wink before ducking into his Hellcat and driving off.

Karis couldn’t focus on getting your key into the door. Between the kiss, the cold, and the mimosas, she was literally stuck. After struggling to turn the key into the ever-moving lock, her friends were pushed out of the way by the 70+ year-old wooden door. Karis silently made her way to her usual spot on the L-shaped sofa. The girls filed into their usual seats in the den, all grinning with anticipation to ask about the date, parts seen and unseen. The minute Karis looked up, they all shrieked, startling her. “Don’t start allat bullshit, now,” Karis warned as she took her bra off, sighing in relief.

The warning went unanswered; the girls attacked their slightly buzzed friend with a group hug, to which she immediately swatted away.

“GIRL!,” Essence began, “He is FOINE AS HELL! Look at you!”

Loren added, “I gotta say, Kare, you did good. The fact I’ve never seen him before shows me that you’re real good. You gotta tell everything! I mean…ev-ver-ree-thang!”

Karis recalled what she could, from the call to the kiss. The whole time, she grinned, showing how smitten she was with Kevin. Seeing her elated made them happy. They knew the insecurity she had about being alone.

A few hours passed and everyone had returned home to get ready for work. Karis showered, did her nightly skincare routine, and prepped her work bag. Finally in bed, she turned to cut her bedside lamp off.

As if on cue, her phone buzzed. Kevin was trying to FaceTime.

“You must’ve seen me get in bed,” she jokingly answered.

Kevin chuckled, “Nah, just calling to let you know I got home 40 minutes ago. I had to help Vinessa with somethin’ and forgot to call you.”

“Oh really?,” she yawned, “Welp, I gotta be at Med at 4:45 a.m. for a surgery. Talk to you afterwards?”

“Sounds good, mamas, sounds good. Night.”

“Night, househusband-in-training,” she concluded, both laughing at her recall of their new inside joke.

Karis chuckled to herself as the sounds of crashing waves lulled her to sleep.

Kevin is going to be here a while.

DAAAAAAMNNNNNNNN! TAGLIST GOT ME PARKED IN DOWNTOWN AT-LANNUH 😭

@muse-of-mbaku @kumkaniudaku @goddessofthundathighs @mbakusthrone @mbakuwife @crushed-pink-petals-writes @forgottenthoughtsandmemories @jackburtonsays @randomwordprompts @bakarilennox @wakandan-flowerz @blackpantherreblogs @ljstraightnochaser @babygirlofwakanda @eerythingisshaka @turn-thy-paige @darqchilddaydreamz @doublesidedscoobysnacks @wakandas-vibranium @oshasimone @destinio1 @sonofnjobu @teheeboo @itsjustyazz @chaneajoyyy @lovelynervouschaos @katasstrophey @mareethequeen @jozigrrl @jellybean531 @awerkofart @storibambino @blackgirloneshots @royallyprincesslilly @certifiednatural

[sagekjs21]

Random Bit of Advice #19

Be careful. Be on the lookout for people who cannot handle even minor criticism, advice, being held accountable. While facing your own faults and mistakes is never easy and it certainly does not feel good, the people that you want in your life will ultimately be people who are interested in changing and growing. Despite someone's religious beliefs, one of the most valuable things that someone can do with their life is grow, try to become the best version of themselves that they possibly can. But some people simply don't seem interested. Some people can't handle the fact that they are not perfect, that they are indeed flawed. Or rather maybe they can face a few flaws in themselves if they see them, but not if they are brought to their attention by someone else. Everyone falls into this trap occasionally; we are all human and we don't like to admit that we're flawed on the hole. But when this becomes chronic, when this type of thing is habitual or some sort of pattern, that is a serious relationship red flag. Be with people who want to grow, who want to do better, who strive for such things on a constant basis. They are the ones who can show you true forms of love, empathy, compassion, and who can also help encourage you and build you up in turn.

And if you are in a relationship of any type with somebody who never holds you accountable, that's a red flag as well. This person is most likely enabling you. While you want your friends to treat you with kindness and love and respect, it is also just as important to have friends who feel comfortable enough to say something along the lines of, "Hey, that thing you did the other day, that was not OK with me and we need to talk about that. " These are the kinds of friends who you can truly count on, because you know they're not going to lie to you just to make you feel OK. If I had to choose in a friend ultimately between kindness and accountability, in the end I would choose being held accountable. It will serve me far better, because it will make me a better Christian and therefore I will be able to serve my Lord to the upmost of my abilities. Being enabled in the end will never allow me to achieve such a thing. It will hold me back.

And finally, there is a difference between someone who holds you accountable and someone who simply blames you for everything. We are all flawed; we are all sinners. But we are not all evil monsters either. The accountability needs to exist, yes, but it absolutely must be tempered with a genuine care, respect, and love for you. If it's not, if this person just truly wants to blame you and make you feel guilty for everything you're doing and just put you down, they probably don't belong in your life. 

@titaniumpeony Thank you for holding me accountable. ❤️ 

@dragoneyes618 We've gotten into some interesting political/moral discussions before. I'm interested to know your thoughts on this if you're willing to share them. And if you would rather do it via private message that's totally fine. 😊 

[dogicrimsonofficial]

Friend joined the Storytellers couple nights ago with their Haurchefant alt. So many things died that night, but we also managed couple good shots (for they also are fully on board with this ship, actively encouraging it, help me I am surrounded by enablers!) Wrote a mini-story for this, it's under the cut.

Finally, a quiet moment between one moment of destruction and heartbreak, and another of rebuilding and healing. The Storytellers had decided to take this one moment of quiet, and enjoy the evening.

That’s how Jason found himself in a little garden, sitting under a tree and next to some thicker, sweet smelling flower bushes - watching over Beans and Lyra from the distance and hoping the two would finally have a very specific discussion. That was, at least, until the grass rustled near him. One ear perking up, he looked over - just in time to see Haurchefant sit right next to him, their legs brushing against each other. 

Smile tugged at his lips, delighted to see the elezen despite how tired he felt. Normally, there’d be chatter by now - but perhaps they both felt the weight of everything from the past moon or so, and had decided to just enjoy the quiet of the night, and the comforting silence.

Or that at least had been the plan, until Haurchefant noticed Jason looking at him. 

“Hm? What is it that you’re looking at?”

Jason couldn’t help but to grin just a little. “You,” he answered, lifting his hand and taking a couple strands of Haurchefants bangs between his fingers. He gave the silvery locks a gentle tug, a gesture fond and familiar between the two already - just little something that usually told Haurchefant to get just a bit closer. 

The moonlight looked good on him - softer shades of blues, light almost making his hair glow, the gentleness of the night seemed to just fit him perfectly. Then again, Jason was rather biased - the night was always more gentle to him and his eyes.

“I’m memorizing the prettiest sight in all of Eorzea before the sunlight robs me of my vision again.”

Haurchefant let out a small laugh, before he felt fingers caressing the side of his face, a palm cupping his cheek. Out of habit, he placed one hand over Jason’s, leaning against the warmth - before he pulled the hand down just enough to plant a ghost of a kiss against the back of Jason’s fingers, his thumb stroking inside the palm. Fully aware just how sensitive Jason's sense of touch was. How important it was for him. “In that case, I should’ve brought a mirror with me.”

Jason chuckled - blush already creeping up his cheeks, something he decided to fight off against for a second. Haurchefant always had a counter to whatever he said - in fact, the man usually started with their little compliment wars. Which Jason lost, more often than not - despite being a bard, he wasn’t exactly talented in the art of romance. Still, he was going to try dammit. Haur deserved to know just how loved and appreciated he was. “What, is mine word not enough? Have to check it for yourself?”

To the surprise of the miqo’te, he was suddenly pulled against Haurchefant - strong arm wrapped around him protectively, one leg over the elezens, and Haurchefants nose in his hair. 

“No, so that you could witness yourself in my arms,” he muttered, nose brushing against the base of Jason’s ear - causing it to quiver just a little. “So you can know the heavenly sight I get to see in you.”

There was a small snort from the smaller of the two, before he settled down - wrapping one of his own arms around Haurchefants back, and giving him a quick nuzzle under the chin. Ah, he had lost this round already. And he found he didn’t mind one bit. “Are you certain you’re not secretly a bard? You certainly have a way with words that would shame most of them!” 

[kazylgon]

Today i finished running an adventure for some friends in the Heart: The City Beneath roleplaying game, which was an absolute wild ride from start to finish.

First of all, the system fucking SLAPS, and if you like lightweight systems which still enable honestly a lot of tension, your character suffering a LOT like seriously your little guy is going to have such a bad time, tragedy, horror, and tragic horror you should give it a go.

But Oh Boy, the shenanigans which were got up to. Extended summary below but this barely scratches the surface of everything that happened and the context for it all so if you're curious or what to know more about the system or setting send and ask or message me because I'd love to provide more context.

Our cast consists of Horizon, a mage, addicted to magic, microdosing on corruption, desperately trying to find a cure for the affliction of feebleness plaguing their entire race. Shay, a walking corpse who came back wrong, with the whispers of their possibly dead girlfriend in their brain urging them to delve greedier and deeper. And Zaktan, a surgeon made of wasps, seeking to impose perfect order on the world.

They travelled deep beneath the ground, all seeking some elusive, vague font of power, capable of granting whoever finds it whatever their soul desires, called The Heart.

The very first settlement they came across quickly disappeared, drowned by waterlogged corpses spewing salt water from their mouths. Horizon accidentally opened their soul up to the master of these creatures with a particularly unlucky roll, and left them retching up salt water for a brief moment before everyone could escape to the Temple of the Moon.

Here they meet the high priestess Airelle, who apparently can't die, because she's the moon's favourite. She tells them that the walking corpses are vassals of the Drowned Queen, a deep god of everything beneath the water, including drowned corpses. She tells them that if they fetch a collection of runes from deeper down, she can perform a ritual to banish the queen and save all the nearby settlements that she's trying to drown. She'll offer a reward, of course, but Zaktan doesn't trust her one bit, and refuses her offer to he can break into her room to snoop around instead.

The first step on this quest is to sneak through a junkyard filled with cultists obsessed with death. Here they find a beast of metal and Heartflesh. Shay frees it, as the voice in their head encouraged them to do, devours some of its flesh, and in its gratitude it devours some of the cultists in their way.

The next destination is an ancient train station with vibrating crystals hanging from the ceiling, threatening to fall if any loud noise shakes them free. Here Zaktan becomes fascinated with the wreck of a magical train, being studied by Knights of the Rail, Horizon seeks treatment from the knight's surgeon (nasty little goblin who thinks Horizon's entire race are a lost cause because of the curse of feebleness they bear), and Shay immediately sets about collapsing the ceiling of the place to break the floor and open a tunnel deeper. This frees an angel of convulsing, raw flesh and sinew which proceeds to destroy the entire station, forcing the group to flee.

The group accepts Shay's actions after they calmly explain themselves.

Just kidding Zaktan slices Shay's face off. Shay doesn't care in the slightest because they brought the love of the Heart to the station and everyone in it.

From here it's a straight shot down to the sanctum of the mages keeping the protective runes.

Just kidding again. The Drowned Queen has taken up residence here. In person. All ten feet of her perfect, pristine, divine body, clad in jellyfish and kelp. The whole area is flooded, but Horizon, having opened up their soul to her (accidentally, but she's so lonely she doesn't realise that) and so sweet talks into letting them explore the tower. They find a vault at the base, with the runes inside, along with a victim of the mage's experiments: a person having been infused with the magic of the Heart and turned into a strange, warped creature of warping flesh. Shay free it, it attacks Horizon, and Zaktan does literally nothing to help until Horizon misses a spell to defend themselves and accidentally hits Zaktan, exposing the fact that Horizon is capable of drawing on the Drowned Queen's power.

This doesn't go down well with Zaktan, who has been shaken by an unlucky roll and is now deeply terrified of the queen, despite his disdain for all things godly. He insists on Horizon telling him exactly what is going on, and the two do so, over a completely amicable exchange of notes which doesn't result in any more faces being sliced off.

They all rest here, and Horizon is unnerved by the Queen watching them with a burning intensity the entire time.

On the way back up, with the runes in hand, they encounter a Knight of the Rail, the only survivor of what Shay did to the station. The knight attempts to bombard with with his cannon, but Shay practically skips up to him, and shoves him into the netherworld with naught but a boop on the nose.

Getting back through the station isn't as easy, as the angel has transformed into a massive tree of meat and pulsing veins, supporting the ceiling while its roots writhe across the floor seeking flesh to devour. Shay doesn't care and just walks through, the tendrils seemingly ignoring them. Zaktan and Horizon are less lucky, and Zaktan loses his notebook, his most prized possession, becoming convinced that Horizon stole it when exchanging notes. Horizon would have made it through fine, if they weren't distracted by the desire to collect a sample, which leads them stranded, surrounded, blood from the weird angel flesh tree right in their eyes, and needing to be rescued by Shay.

Back through the junkyard, they confront the bishop leading the death cult. He reveals that he and Airelle came here together, before she betrayed and abandoned him. Shay then suplexes him off of the raised platform of his throne, Zaktan injects him with a sample of a horrid virus, and Horizon calls upon the power of the queen once more to drown him.

This clears the final obstacle back to the temple where they can begin the ritual to banish the queen. Zaktan refuses to give up the runes unless he is the one to perform the ritual however, even though it draws on the power of the moon goddess. He's convinced he knows her better than one of her high priestesses, and he's convinced said high priestess is keeping something from him. Shay mans the barricades to keep the queen and her vassals out when she inevitably attacks, and Horizon...is conflicted.

The queen does indeed attack. Her form has changed. She now resembles a drowned corpse clad in a rotting, waterlogged gown, hollow eye sockets filled with nothing but worms and small crustaceans picking at the flesh, suspended in the air by a fleshy tendril connected to some massive creature concealed in the tunnel behind her. She blows past Shay, angered that this group promised to spread her influence only to turn on her, slaughtering everything in her wake. Until Horizon rolls ridiculously well on a roll to distract her, approaches her, kisses her...giving just enough time to Zaktan to finish the ritual to banish her.

She looks at Horizon, not angry. Just sad, and betrayed. She could have given them everything, she says, moments before being yanked back down into the deep.

The group were heroes. The people living in and around the temple celebrate.

Zaktan however, heads upstairs to Airelle's room and murders her, searching for the secrets she was keeping. He doesn't get much though, not even a scream or a struggle, just a cryptic message that "She's really not going to like that, you know."

And that ends the pre-written adventure that all of this came from. Next few sessions are going to be off the edge of the map and I am so disgustingly excited as to what horrors this lot are going to get themselves into next.

[gravecircuit]

5AM headcanons as I slowly get back into Moral-ing

- idk how much from Narcissism the fandom accepts, but it does make me categorize Bloberta as the “prettiest” / most desired woman in moralton based on the fact that she made Putty climax with words alone.

- As goofy as that is it also re-contextualizes a lot. She is “off limits” even in infidelity because she’s the mayor’s wife.

- I also think if Dottie tried her routine on Bloberta, Dottie would end up crying wayyyyyy earlier. Bloberta’s numbness includes an immunity to gaslighting. Also there is one element that actually connects the 2 characters that I wanna draw. Here’s a different scene for now:

Dottie: Can I sit with you Bloberta so our kids can talk to each other and not us?

Bloberta: … you talk to your kids?

Dottie nervously lights a cigarette.

Dottie: I- uh, well I mean-

Bloberta puts out the cigarette by clasping the end with her bare fingers.

Bloberta: If you’re going to do that, I think you should sit somewhere else.

- Blobbie / Censordoll discourse is also interesting bc I think of it as “numb & barren” (ship name maybe?) - things kinda also come full circle. In Help: Bloberta fails to help Fran, feels like she helped Clay and marries him, Orel is born and goes on to be Fran’s main helper in her campaign against Clay, with signs made by Bloberta.

- Gay Clay vs. Bi Clay was a debate brought up in one of my streams and I said my answer keeps changing. There are “tactile” arguments for Bi Clay but they all really start to evaporate for me with the scene in honor. There is no exact science, it is just a uniquely gay anguish confessed. alsogayclayrhymes

- I think about Clay’s rise to office a lot and what exactly enabled him to do so, and I’m beginning to think he may have used his mother’s death in his campaign as he starts to pen her lost commandments into Moralton law. Much to Arthur’s dismay, which only encourages Clay to take things further.

- A newer idea but I feel like Danielle’s experience encouraging Orel might have kindled something, and if Fakey can go from coach to Principal so can Danielle.

- I think now that Bendy is reconnected with Joe, the Fakey situation will actually quickly lead to a restraining order. Since Bendy no longer has to telephone through Ms. Secondopinionson to talk to Joe, Fakey talks to Secondopinionson for updates on Bendy. I think Fakey’s mental state will decline between his ruined marriage and “mistress” cut off, but for some reason I think with Secondopinionson’s infinite patience she becomes a sort of friend + makeshift repressional since Putty’s having none of it anymore. In that circumstance I think Secondopinionson becomes comfortable speaking to him in her natural voice . I think Fakey loses his job to Danielle like above, then idk, gets part time work at Steph’s shop or something.

- The David Tuber interview mentioned that Orel goes goth but also goes atheist, and the blue heron as a symbol of his faith begins to follow him around. I think the “Nature rematch” would be Orel getting Ol’ Gunny with actual intent to kill the Heron.

- Which brings me to the tinfoil hat section. Consider this my “Season 4+”

- By this time Censordoll has a stranglehold on Moralton. With no role models and in complete nihilism Orel kills the Heron in anger. In absolute darkness Orel finds no solace, he then notices the Heron’s nest.

- I have no idea what Steven Universe / Demon Slayer script we’ll need to get to this point but I really think that if Censordoll is the “final boss” of Moralton it should end with her and Orel nurturing the blue heron egg until it hatches, roll credits.

[liesmyth]

I'm curious that you think that the existing lyctoral necro-cav pairs shows that John can't choose at will who is a necromancer & who is not, because to me it's the opposite! The fact that both scientists & the lawyer (of intellectual occupations) all end up as necromancers and theis companions as cavaliers strongly suggests a guiding hand. Who do you think he would array differently if he had the power?

A few different reasons! All of them boil down to #vibes. My thoughts on this are all over, and I think it IS possible he chose them. I just think it’s slightly more likely he didn’t.

tldr: if he chose who got to be an adept, I think it was more intuitive / subconscious / accidental than a planned out choice with forethought behind it.

Assuming that he absolutely wanted to create matched pairs (why though? more thoughts below) I AM a bit puzzled over the criteria. It's not just intellectuals, they all were—“a cop and six different kinds of nerd.” Anyway, here are my thoughts, one by one.

Augustine, Mercy, and G1deon: these are obvious. They were his long-time friends, unflinchingly loyal, total enablers. If he did pick and choose, they were always going to be an automatic in.

Nigella: that’s easy also; she seems to be the member of the gang John was the least close to, brought into the gang by someone who was mildly critical of him. She IS a pass.

Alfred: second to least fave, though he was the one who figured out the dirt of the FTL fleet by following the money. (He IS a nerd, and more STEM-adjacent than Cassy. Finance runs on probability theory) I can see why he’d have been left out, though; John doesn't think much of him.

Cristabel: this is harder to justify! John had a very high opinion of Cristabel. He called her ‘sister,’ he saw her as a guide, and near the end they worked closely together trying to find the soul. Maybe he resented her for the way she forced him to ascend, but I didn’t get that impression from the flashbacks + John loves having people around who have their own failings, so he can feel better about himself. If he could bestow necromancy, I don’t get why he wouldn’t have picked Cristabel.

Pyrrha and Cassiopeia: these are the ones that leave me the most perplexed. They’re both strong-willed women who weren’t afraid to stand up to John. But Pyrrha was the one who betrayed her cop friends to warn him, who stood by him even after he killed her former colleagues, who encouraged him to be a “bad wizard” — she absolutely enabled him every step of the way. Cassiopeia, by contrast, was by his side in the early stages and ditched her bosses for him, but she seems to have stuck around just as much for Nigella as for “the cause,” if not more. She drops under the radar a third into the flashback narration when things get weird, and only makes herself heard again near the end to call out John; the only one who did. I really don’t get why he’d have picked Cassiopeia. Likewise, I don’t see why he didn’t pick Pyrrha; it’s true that Gideon was always close to her and “never knew who to pick,” but when it counted Pyrrha never went against John, and also, you know. He did wipe their memory. I don't think he saw Pyrrha as a threat.

Ulysses and Titania: ????? They were science projects. He had no attachment to either of them. Why not make more of his original friends into necromancers and give them Ulysses or Titania as “companions” if he was that attached to that model? The only scenario I can see in which they were included would be if John brought them back before anyone else to serve as a test case, but I don’t get why he’d have kept them around. I can, however, see John keeping them around if they randomly came back as an adept/non-adept matched pair and he was like, oh how nostalgic, control group yet again.

More broadly—regardless of who was picked, I don't think he planned out matched adept/companion sets.

One: Lyctorhood wasn't John's initial plan. He didn't bring them back thinking “I’m going to make my besties my immortal warriors and they’ll need a loyal companion.” He brought them back planning to keep them near him, and possibly to make them immortal. He accomplished that, successfully, for hundreds of years—but their immortality was conditional on their physical proximity to him. (John being John, this would be a feature, not a bug!) and didn’t come with huge necromantic powers. They were still killable. That only became a drawback once they were “on the clock for the resurrection beasts,” when it was imperative that his friends should also be his trusted lieutenants, able to carry out missions all over the universe. “God should be able to touch all of creation,” but he can’t do that if his fingers have to stay by his side. That’s why everyone ascended at the same time and the cavaliers went to their death. Before that, though? There was no point. I doubt he knew of the RBs until after the resurrection was complete.

Two: why the necro/cav pairs? I just... don't see why he'd split his friends into matched couples. I think it’s way more likely that the concept of “death wizard and death wizard’s fighting sworn companion” as social roles and as a tradition, is something that evolved because the original disciples made it a custom, rather than because John designed it to be that way. And, if he could bestow necromancy at will, why not give it to everyone who’d stood by him? Why did it have to be an even number split in couples, everyone with their companion? Like, I don’t think it’s out of character for John to go on a godly power trip and decide who gets to have powers. But I also don’t see why he would create a divide within the group. (Later, after 200 years, I absolutely get why he’d want to be THE most important person in all his Lyctors’ lives. But I don’t get that same vibe from immediately post-apocalypse, based on the flashbacks)

Basically, it's both some of the choices in who ended up a necromancer, and just... the forethought that this decision implies. John isn't a great schemer IMO, and I doubt he was especially lucid in the time right before the resurrection; I don't think he sat down and started worldbuilding his new social order and space empire. (Yes, he very much did build the Houses like a DM worldbuilding for an RPG campaign, but that happened more gradually and his friends had a lot of influence. I don't think the beforehand had much planning involved.)

Also: a lot of what John does, power-wise, is vibes. His soul merging with Alecto was done totally on the fly. Figuring out you can bestow necromancy, figuring out how necromancy is bestowed, doing some trial and error until you know how it works, and only then resurrecting your buddies—IDK, that’s a lot of planning.

Anyway. This is why I think that if he MADE a choice, it was subconscious. That's why more in line with how John does things.