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dustyisforever · 6 months ago

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A Shadow of the Colossus Review

by DustyIsForever This is a review. It's about a video game, which is a kind of movie you watch with your hands.

In 2012, Shadow of the Colossus became the first thing I ever saved money to buy. After watching the “Nerd³ Plays” video where he calls it a “perfect game,” I began to daydream about it obsessively. I stuck the facetious label “Ye Olde Jar o Talents” on a mason jar and brought it to school so I could beg my classmates for funds. This worked, however incredulous it was, but I didn’t buy the game. I didn’t buy the game for years, and even after that I didn’t play it for at least a few months. It was like an old Russian novel to me: something that always existed in the future for which I could never consider myself prepared. And then I did play it and it was great.

You can either read it here or on a published Docs page. But be careful. It's pretty long.

This is a review of Shadow of the Colossus. It will contain spoilers. I first played the game a long time ago, but I went back to it a few times over the years. Recently I watched a close friend play it. We had some conversations about it. Soon, I’d like to see my wife play it as well. She can’t read this review yet because she is, incredibly, going to be playing totally blind. You can imagine how rare it is to play something like Shadow of the Colossus without knowing anything about it beforehand.

As I promised not long ago, I'm going to start writing essay-reviews of many games I enjoy. But first, I'd like to elaborate on my method. I have a particular framework for expressing my opinions of these games that I've developed as an alternative to a 10/10, 5/5, 40/40, 100/100, or other numerical art goodness judgment system. The aim is to provide the foolish satisfaction of a number score while cutting back on its pitfalls and biases. Number scores are unhelpful. In a 10/10 system, one finds that a 10 means that the reviewer idolizes the work, a 9, 8, or even a 7 can mean that they enjoyed it, and anything below that might mean that they disliked it, hated it, thought it was tedious, or simply misunderstood it. Opinions don’t fit neatly on a graduated, linear scale. Our value judgments are relative, as in: I liked this more than that; never absolute in the way numbers would suggest. We know this but pretend otherwise. How fun to bestow a cherished piece of art the honor of your perfect number! We're all pleased to think that our opinion is intelligent. My goal is to indulge that, but with restraint.

The first principle of my system is that I only bother rating games that I already know I love. Though there is surely as much to be learned from "bad" art as "good" art, I want to avoid negativity. Also, I find it’s easier to assign a score with restraint and thoughtfulness when a bad score isn't in consideration at all. It also means that I, as a critic, produce fewer reviews overall, which should make each review more characteristic and the overall corpus more consistent.

My second principle is that the highest number I'll use is three. Mr. Ebert was onto something when he made the alluring choice of knocking the tail off of the five-star format. It made all of his ratings look smarter. Five stars was for the common people; real intellectuals expressed their taste in the glamorous new fashion of four. Now it's my turn. I've one-upped the fallen old man, who once failed to appreciate John Carpenter's The Thing (1982). I dare to fly with merely three. And no halfsies, either. No point to it if I’m going to decide to give a game a one-and-a-half because that would be a six-point system in disguise, wouldn’t it?

My final principle is borrowed in part from Famitsu's thing where they divide scores into parts that can be treated either separately or summed. They do that with four reviewers. In my case, I cannot judge the work from the perspective of multiple people (I am only one person). Instead, I split my score into two numbers representing two priorities. That’s two numbers ranging zero to three, written X-Y. For instance, Shadow of the Colossus is a 1-2 game.

The first number, on a scale of zero to three, represents the aesthetic merits of the game. This can include everything experienced by the player. It may consider the art direction, the sound and music, and the narrative design. It also may refer to the dynamics of the design and the "choreography" of interaction, in a very formalist sense borrowed in part from Graeme Kirkpatrick's Aesthetic Theory and the Video Game. Interactive design is just as much a part of the media content of a game as the audiovisual presentation.

To be less academic—I like to summarize the first number as the question: "does it make me cry?" because it captures that it's often a sentimental thing. High-scoring games on the first number tend to be tearjerkers.

Why should Shadow of the Colossus get a one out of three in this category? Well, a one isn't really a low score in the conventional sense. My system is built to specify why a game is great. A zero would mean "this game is great, but it has nothing to do with the aesthetics." I consider Shadow of the Colossus to be aesthetically great, just not as aesthetically great as a few other games.

I like to call the other score “does it blow my mind?” to highlight that it pertains to games that impress me. Expect more elaboration when I get to the second half of the review.

When I first made up this system years ago, I tried to list a bunch of old favorites as examples. At that time, I stamped a 2-1 on Shadow of the Colossus. Mark the difference! It means that now I appreciate its technical achievement more but have tempered my feelings about its content. This change of opinion came to me when I recently watched a close friend play through the game for the first time, hanging out over her shoulder. The banter we shared dampened the emotion of the experience—for example, she already knew Agro was going to fall off a cliff sooner or later and by the time she did, it affected her more like the punchline to a drawn-out joke. I was a little offended. Her more detached play experience exposed some of the game’s weaknesses to me.

My original rating of two reflected the beautiful score and the sublime desolation of the game, which inhabited me then as it does now. When I take a walk in the woods, I am visited once more by the mystery of “To the Ancient Land.” It’s a good season in my life to return to the game. I’m in a forest often.

But unrelated to my time in forests, I’ve spent the last year thinking a lot about fantasy. I fell out with it some years ago and only recently began rehabilitating my affection for it. Shadow of the Colossus belongs to that estranged clade of fantasy, the fairy tale, which has become my favorite.

Fairy tales are mysterious but well-patterned, made from a pool of common morphologies, which folklorist Vladimir Propp called “functions” with perhaps excessive precision. A glancing comparison will hopefully show how much like a fairy tale Shadow of the Colossus really is. Propp’s functions came originally from his syntax of Russian folk stories. Shadow of the Colossus is neither Russian nor folk, through it deploys several such functions in an identifiable and properly consecutive fashion:

Absentation, interdiction, and violation all before the prologue is over

Trickery as Dormin tells Wander what must be done to revive Mono

Departure, as Wander begins the quest to slay the colossi, and various functions of the Donor, who is also Dormin

Quite a bit of struggle and branding as Wander does his colossus-slaying and dishevels himself gradually with dark magic

Pursuit (by Lord Emon)

And then the punishment and reward are cleverly reversed, because of course in this special video game that people who don’t call all video games art sometimes deign to call art, Wander was in error all along.

I think that to leave the analysis at that would be a failure to appreciate the particular flavor of this story. There are many video game stories where the player character ends up ethically compromised for some narrative effect, but the aesthetic appeal of Shadow of the Colossus is grossly different from, say, Spec Ops: the Line. Wander is more like Hamlet; he retains his hero-ness the whole way through, yet still the fate of his quest is doomed by circumstance.

What he must do is awful and painful to him, but he’s stuck on this path. The closing of the door to the bridge out of the Forbidden Lands is a literalization of this. The inciting events of his journey—the superstitious sacrifice of an innocent girl—make his goals noble from the start, and because he does not have the information to understand the cost of his deeds until it is too late, we cannot say that he is ever malicious. The player is clued in that something is wrong through visual suggestions that Wander does not necessarily see or understand, including the doves and ominous shadow-people which gather at the Shrine of Worship. These devices are not employed in any way that comments specifically on the medium of video games; nothing about them is procedural. They are very conventional vectors of good old-fashioned dramatic irony.

Furthermore, we don’t textually know at all that Dormin is evil. The antagonist Lord Emon who opposes Dormin and Wander is possibly responsible for Mono’s death. He reminds us, if we have played ICO, of the people who unjustly imprison that game’s hero on account of his “cursed” horns. Once we abandon the idea that the Lord Emon narrator/antagonist character is a trustworthy authority, we lose the only voice telling us that Dormin is dangerous. And at the end of the tale Dormin, surprisingly, keeps all of his promises to Wander: Mono is revived and Wander’s body is returned to him. He even gets his horsey back! Very sweet. And the final scenes, which play out leisurely beside the scrolling credits column, show a bright and sun-dappled garden. Mono, robed in her white gown, comforts baby Wander while surrounded by wildlife and green trees. A fawn appears. The imagery is positively lousy with symbols of innocence and spring.

And, if we’re going to permit ourselves to get biblical, isn’t it a little like a reverse Genesis? Wander follows the instructions of a higher power despite a warning from Lord Emon, who has special knowledge. As a result, a woman is saved from her “cursed fate” and the only way out is permanently closed, trapping the woman and the revived hero in the garden of paradise.

Shadow of the Colossus tells a tragic and subversive story, but it does it entirely within the syntax of its folktalesy story genre. It doesn’t have the flavor of subversiveness which comments on other works or the conventions of its own medium. To understand Undertale’s project, you need to be familiar with other JRPGs. Shadow of the Colossus would preserve its message in any medium.

This point isn’t really doing anything to bump my score up or down, but it’s a line of thinking I’ve revisited many times while writing about this game. I think that what really took Shadow of the Colossus from a two down to a one was the inconsistency between encounter designs.

My friend caught on quickly to the first several colossi, even prevailing where I remember having stumbled (my younger self was completely stymied by the sixth, called “Barba” by fans). But as the latter half of the game wore on, she spent more and more time running in circles. Numbers nine, eleven, and twelve all exasperated her. Each of them involves a special trick that must be discovered before they can be made vulnerable. Colossus number eleven, for example, is covered in armor that can only be broken by using a torch to chase it off of a cliff. But no other encounter shows you that there’s anything you can hold in your hands besides the sword and bow you start with. To even get the torch, you need to stand on a plinth holding up a brazier such that the colossus charges at you and knocks the torch loose. But my friend did not even realize that the plinths were climbable; they can only be grabbed from the sides, which is difficult to see and execute when you’re constantly charged at by an enemy that stuns you on the ground for a few whole seconds whenever it hits you. The tedium was too much, and the game lost its magic and atmosphere. The battle against the last colossus was pretty disheartening. No sense of an emotional climax came through. Instead, as I watched my friend fall over and over from its hands and shoulders and whatnot with all the tenacity of a lint-covered novelty sticky hand, I could only hope desperately that she wouldn’t put the game down right then and there.

In some moments, it’s plain to see that Shadow of the Colossus is testing the player’s patience with purpose and meaning. Each encounter culminates with Wander clutching to fur, often on the head of the colossus, holding on just long enough to get a good stab. The colossi shake and Wander dangles on, unable to get a steady hit. It’s frustrating to have to wait for a tiny window of opportunity to land a blow, but this is clearly by design. If the fight could be ended as soon as the player got into stabbing position, the anticipation would resolve too quickly. Giving the player sweaty palms, making them really clench the trigger button, serves to procedurally convey the ordeal Wander faces on-screen. You hold on (to the controller) to hold on (for dear life) in a very successful bit of hand-to-screen parallelism.

But at other times, the game slips away into pointless futility. In many fights, the trick that makes the colossus vulnerable is only effective for a short time, so the player must hurry to seize the opportunity. Often, the time window just isn’t long enough, and the player is compelled to retry, but the novelty of discovering the trick has already disappeared. The ninth colossus’s arena is huge, and when you knock it onto its side, you have to maneuver over to the far side of its body every time. It’s fiddly and protracted, and it’s a case where the game inadequately reacts to the player executing on what should feel like the turning point of the battle. It took my friend about four tries to ascend this colossus successfully. And it’s a turtle, so it isn’t even that tall. Really lame.

My own remembered experience, rooted in some British guy’s twelve-year-old YouTube video, is very different from the one shared with that friend of mine. I saw a game denuded of its majesty by our ongoing joke that Agro would be the final boss; a joke between pals on the proverbial gamer couch. A couch that, if it were not replaced in our case by the deep phenomenological chasm of several US states of distance and a Discord RTC, would be evocative of the one shared by Misters Cheadle and Sandler in the film Reign Over Me.

It’s a largely forgotten film, but consensus says it’s surprisingly well-regarded: Metacritic awards it an impressive 8.5 user score, which it labels “universal acclaim.” Adam Sandler plays a traumatized man who, after losing his family in 9/11, quits his dental career and whittles his days scootering around, playing the drums, and remodeling his kitchen over and over. Don Cheadle is his former college roommate, a successful dentist with a family, who runs into him late one night. The two rekindle their friendship and are both healed for it. This involves a lot of Shadow of the Colossus.

When Don Cheadle first sees Sandler, he can’t get him to stop and talk. Their second encounter happens when Cheadle drops off his daughter at a friend’s house. He intends to go back home to his wife to spend quality time solving a puzzle with her. Suddenly, Sandler flies by on his scooter. So instead, Cheadle gets him to stop and talk. He asks if Sandler is “practicing,” by which he means “practicing dentistry.”

“I’m practicing all the time, up in the valley. Took down twelve of the colossus so far” “The valley? What is that, is that a medical complex or something?” “It’s more… like another dimension. You take a journey, you discover yourself.” (Reign Over Me, 13:50)

He gets Sandler to sit down for Starbucks, where Sandler violates assorted social norms as per a 2007 movie’s notion of a traumatized person. Sandler acts as if he doesn’t remember Cheadle but they make conversation regardless and before you know it, Cheadle is at this guy’s apartment.

Cheadle needs to use the bathroom. Sad music begins to play. Cheadle briefly glimpses a room with furniture covered in sheets—evidence that this man once had a family. Then there’s a mournful-looking shot where the camera stares straight down Sandler’s darkened hall and distantly we see his TV. He’s climbing the first Colossus. That’s a funny thing to do if you’ve finished three quarters of the game. I guess he has more than one save file. So that he can practice more, of course.

As the movie goes on, the two intertwine into each other’s life in a conventionally dramatic way. Sandler is a broken man who throws tantrums and lacks responsibility and ropes Cheadle into a Mel Brooks marathon showing on the night Cheadle’s father dies, and in turn, Cheadle suffers various embarrassments to his career and family because he has compassion for his friend. And sometimes we get to see more Shadow of the Colossus, which Sandler often calls “Shadows” of the Colossus.

In its second appearance, Sandler is fighting the fifth Colossus—my favorite—and Cheadle takes the controller. We get a montage. He can’t put it down. Sandler teases Cheadle, he says he’s addicted (to Shadow of the Colossus). Cheadle jumps to his feet, paces around the couch in frustration: he demands one more try. He refuses Sandler’s suggestion to stop and “let it soak in,” he’s determined to get it this time. Number fifteen falls and Cheadle pumps his fist, shouting “co-lo-ssussss!” in a funny voice. The montage ends, and with it goes our brief window into an otherworld where playing Shadow of the Colossus actually looks like that.

Or, hey, that’s not so fair. Maybe, for Mr. Adam Sandler, playing Shadow of the Colossus is about practicing each fight over and over and pumping your fist triumphantly when you finally win. Maybe he got a New Game Plus save file when he picked it up on eBay that let him fight the colossi out of order. For his character—who, as I’ve neglected to mention, is named Charlie Fineman—the game is supposed to be a metaphor for 9/11, of course.

Back in ‘07, Kotaku managed to get in touch with Jeremy Roush, who worked as an editor for Reign Over Me. Apparently, the role of Shadow of the Colossus in the film was inspired by Roush’s father.

The Vietnam War left his father 100 percent mentally disabled with post-traumatic stress disorder... Unable to work, he spent the days and evenings watching sci-fi thriller Aliens over and over again until he actually had to buy a new VHS tape. "Aliens is a thinly veiled kind of Vietnam veteran kind of story," Roush explains, "and watching it is a way of thinking about it without telling yourself you are thinking about it." The movie was visceral therapy for his father… Refusing to accept the death of loved ones. Seeking out an escape from that truth. Giants falling in slow motion. "You could see where someone who was dealing with 9/11 would be engrossed by a giant that keeps collapsing over and over again," he says. Charlie's therapy was Shadow of the Colossus. (Ashcraft p.2)

Roush, who was responsible for the idea to include the game in the movie, had thought seriously about the thematics. In Reign Over Me, Charlie Fineman’s fixation on Shadow of the Colossus is a deliberate symbol of his grief, boxed into a safe and distant replica of tragedy which he can watch himself overcome again and again on the plasma TV.

Later on in the film, Cheadle manages to drag Sandler to weekly therapist sessions, but they go nowhere. Sandler refuses to speak about his family and leaves each session after just a few minutes. But he does say “I like to play Colossus!” (Reign, 1:13:29). In this movie’s understanding of mentally ill people, or at least in Roush’s, PTSD sufferers seek out proxy-triggers to act out the procedure of grieving with none of the pain. I think that I preferred the movie before I learned this. It just doesn’t make as much sense to say that the colossi are all supposed to be, like, the twin towers. Isn’t that bizarre? I mean, I had just assumed that the game was more broadly supposed to be a parallel to the ordeal of overcoming grief, and that the colossi were the grief. Grief is like a colossus, or like colossi, because it can feel so much bigger than the griever, so invincible and enduring. That’s why it was so strange to me that he never makes it further through the game over the course of the movie. In the very last scene, when he’s in his new and well-lit apartment, do you know what he’s doing? He’s playing it again, but he’s back to number thirteen. I really expected him to finish the game by the end, which would parallelize his grief struggle with a struggle to take down the colossi. It would represent something. However, the truth is that the colossus encounters are supposed to be 9/11, and he’s mentally recreating a facsimile of 9/11 every time he plays the game. Infinite, furry World Trade Centers getting stabbed by Adam Sandler over and over.

Sorry, that might have been a digression in poor taste. You didn’t expect to read a review of Reign Over Me within this review of Shadow of the Colossus and it was a little deceptive of me to jam it in there. But I thought about it so much, you have to understand! It’s fascinating to me how I could arrive at such a different interpretation of the movie than was apparently intended. The same difference goes for the game itself: Mr. Roush definitely got the gist of Shadow of the Colossus, but he applied the game to the movie in such a different way than I would have.

Let’s talk about the technical side of things instead for a short while. A nice palate-cleanser. It might seem unbalanced to devote one half of the score system to technology that is seldom appreciated by the audience—this score is more than that. Perhaps you were left confused when I didn’t explain it in much detail earlier, back when I was still laying out the way the system works. The slogan “does it blow my mind?” suggests that this category seeks to appreciate the craft of game development. A good example of something non-technological that “blows my mind” would be the dialogue system in Hades; the incredible effort of writing such a massive script and then organizing it so cleverly certainly does blow my mind, speaking as a game developer and a very slow writer.

Shadow of the Colossus is an exceptionally technically impressive game that deserves more than the 1 I assigned it on the spot so long ago. Through optimization, fakery, and creativity, it packs in the most sophisticated graphics the PlayStation 2 can handle, including HDR lighting, self-shading, long-distance level-of-detail mesh transitions, real-time fur rendering, volumetric particles, and anisotropic light scattering. Most of these practices were considered next-gen at the time of the game’s release. Some of them still feel shiny and new in 2024.

Team ICO accomplished this through ingenuity and strict scoping. Out of any of my sources, I learned the most about it here. Of particular interest to me is the usage of procedural animation and inverse kinematics, of which I’m a big fan. If you are one of the few beautiful souls in this loving universe who have read my blog(s) before, you know that I’ve been working on and off for a long time on a project that relies heavily on inverse kinematics called Flower Pot. The inexpensive algorithm I use in my own work, called FABRIK, was not published until 2011. Furthermore, Shadow of the Colossus has very complex character models and needs to clearly telegraph the movements of the player character and the colossi. For this reason it also dynamically combines animation data keyframed by an animator with the movements computed by the inverse kinematics algorithms. They did this on a CPU that clocked at about 294 megahertz (see Diefendorff).

I won’t reproduce diagrams here because they’re already available in the translated article on Léna Piquet’s website, which I linked above and which may also be found in my sources. To be honest, there is less for me to write in this section of the review because there is not much new to say. The achievements and process of Team ICO have been extensively documented and explained, much more than almost any other game. What is especially unique about Shadow of the Colossus is that much of this dissection and documentation has been done by outsiders: fans who never had access to the team or their materials.

Of particular note is Nomad Colossus. I found a Fandom wiki article about this guy. It says, ��Nomad Colossus is a well-known figure in The Shadow of The Colossus community. He's most well-known for his insane dedication to the game and downright jaw-dropping data-mining” (Team Ico Wiki). Passionate! But the article has no comments. Yet on the other hand, a skim of the community message log page shows that at least a dozen users have worked on this wiki within the last several months. A tantalizing window into a community, or one of a million lost corners of the internet? I cannot rightfully say.

Nomad Colossus uploaded their first Shadow of the Colossus-related YouTube video in April of 2010, four and a half years post-release. It’s been much longer than that since Breath of the Wild came out and I’m still surprised whenever I see someone running it in an emulator. The video is titled “Shadow of the Colossus - Through the entrance,” and it shows Wander on horseback in an area normally inaccessible except in cutscenes: the north bridge into the central shrine. He rides Agro through the narrow gate passage on the other end of the bridge. The path continues into a void for a long ways, but the horse stops as if running into a wall.

Since then, Nomad Colossus has published 346 videos (if I’m counting correctly) pertaining to Shadow of the Colossus, prying at it with camera hacks, model viewers, and data manipulation. He reveals mountains and plains and islands and ruins all inaccessible in normal play. Their work, comprising so many short, uncommentated videos, can be engaged with as a companion book to the game; Nomad gradually turns the elusive horizons of the Forbidden Lands back into data, into geometry stored in a file system. Numbers on computers permit no mysteries. A number is autological; before being applied to another end it represents only itself. A number is atomic, it has no secret compartments. Through the efforts of explorers like Nomad Colossus and their emulators, no pit has been left unaccounted for on the DVD-ROM. Nomad renders Shadow of the Colossus into a wholly unmysterious object. This is not a criticism of their work.

At the same time, the game continues to support an incredible abundance of perceived mystery. After all, this was why Nomad Colossus’s work began. The so-called Secret Seekers and their famous thread on the PSN forums were dedicated to unearthing what they imagined to be the mother-of-all easter eggs. They began with intense clue-hunting and then moved on to the less speculative arts of boundary breaking and data mining, albeit after dozens of pages of effusive discussion. The intentions behind the game’s design were a favorite topic. Their style of discourse was dense with wild, associative connections; the possibility of subtextual hints by means of biblical allusion was on the table before even the end of the first post (Quest for the Last Big Secret). “Fumito Ueda is infamous for his attention to the most minute, intricate detail,” this post says. But to say he is infamous for this—does that not suggest the consensus of many people? I suspect that the Ueda these individuals imagined was not an accurate model of the real one. There was no secret last colossus, after all.

These are only a few of many voices on the internet professing all kinds of opinions about the game, its content, its intentions and meanings and forms. A quick survey will show substantial diversity of interpretation: I found a passionate review on the “patientgamers” subreddit decrying Shadow of the Colossus as “one of the worst games I’ve ever played” for its “non-existent story” and “Genuinely awful clunky movement and controls” (AstraFuckingGooGoo). In “Shadow of the Colossus: a Retrospective View,” NoobFeed user BrunoBRS calls the game “a love story, of what limits can a man go for his loved one, but it is, most importantly, the tale of David and Goliath” in a passage of lavish praise for “what he truly believes is the greatest game of all time” (BrunoBRS). The similarly-titled “Shadow of the Colossus: A Retrospective,” an article on The Boss Key, calls it “a game all about and only about killing the boss monsters as a means to an end” (Koop). “Shadow of the Colossus Retrospective– A Tragically Beautiful Love Story,” brought to us by Taylor Lyles on DualShockers, says it’s “so much more than just a boss rush game; it is the story of a boy who cared so much for someone he loved that unleashed all sorts of hellish things to save her” (Lyles). Shadow of the Colossus retrospectives are, as they say, like assholes: everybody has one. I am included. Shades of consensus and contradiction are to be found in abundance in each discussion of the game.

And what of my own opinions? They depend on a perceived counter-opinion in many ways. My revised scoring suggests how I remember my past self. In my discussion of the aesthetic content of the game, I call for a new perspective that de-emphasizes the notion that Shadow of the Colossus deliberately works to subvert a convention of the medium of video games. But couldn’t I be accused of failing to establish that this notion existed in the first place? Let me provide an example of that notion, at least. Here’s another retrospective. It has the word “retrospective” in its title. It’s called “START/SELECT: Consuming Loneliness: A ‘Shadow of the Colossus’ Retrospective,” and it was written by Mac Riga for the Georgetown University student newspaper. Here’s Riga’s take:

Team Ico sought to make a game that laid bare the contradiction of video games. It held up this beautiful medium, the pinnacle of self-isolation and escapism yet one that fosters empathy and self-reflection more than any other, and begged the player to wrestle with that irony — to come to their own conclusions about what it means to be alone, what it means to consume video games and what it means to do both simultaneously. (Riga)

This is surprising. Riga isn’t talking about the moral irony of monster-slaying in video games, which is more or less the topic of the counter-opinion I imagined myself to be opposing. But he is saying that Shadow of the Colossus is trying to engage in conversation with a convention of the medium of games, and to me that was the important part. For Riga, it’s a game about “self-isolation” and “empathy.”

Maybe it would be helpful to check what Fumito Ueda has to say. Even if you’re the type to faithfully invoke The Death of the Author, you might still agree, I hope, that discovering the designer’s intent will provide a reference against which to compare other views.

“I’ve never thought that “cruelty” is something forbidden in video games. Video games seem to require cruelty as a means of expression, and that being the case, I wanted to try and present my own take on cruelty. That was really the seed idea of Shadow of the Colossus.” (Ueda)

Here in a 2005 interview with CONTINUE magazine, Ueda casts Shadow of the Colossus as a game about cruelty inspired by the cruelty he sees as required in games. My analysis is thrown into doubt even further! It was intended as a deconstruction all along. But wait—Fumito Ueda from 2019 might be here to save me.

Was the overall aim of SOTC to question why it is that most games are about killing and how we have grown so comfortable doing so in a virtual existence? Fumito Ueda: I play games where violence is a factor myself, so I do not dismiss such games. However, through the production of Shadow of the Colossus, I started having doubts about simply “feeling good by beating monsters” and “getting a sense of accomplishment”. I tried thinking if there were any other choices for different kinds of expression, then ended up with such settings and rules as a result. Rather than try to deliberately create some sort of antithesis, I focused more on the consistency of the design as a product and differentiation (from other products). (Taylor)

Apologies for another long block quote; I really think the context is worth leaving in here because it helps to illustrate that, while Ueda is not exactly contradicting himself, different circumstances have prompted two answers with very different implications. The interviewer in the latter source seems to be aligned with the popular view that the game narrative is chiefly an exploration of morality. Which I do not disagree with, either: I should reiterate that my disagreement is with the view that the game narrative is specifically an exploration of morality in the medium of video games. The interviewer suggests that by saying that “most games are about killing.” Ueda seems to dismiss the idea by going on to say that the game was not crafted as “some sort of antithesis,” but that those themes emerged simply by trying to make a unique story. But in the former interview, Ueda asserts that he was “inspired” by the prevalence of “cruelty” in games. We are deprived of an authorial view where we might find stability; such a thing would have protected us, maybe, from the wild menagerie of contrasting views we face instead.

And could it be possible, if you would excuse the sudden break, that Reign Over Me (2007) starring Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle might not have always been actively trying to frame Shadow of the Colossus as a pseudo-Freudian stand-in for 9/11? More importantly, do we have any meaningful way to be sure? No, I think it’s more likely that suggestive forces have moved in with us permanently and that their furniture is too numerous and heavy for us to kick them out. It is impossible to speak on the aesthetics of a work, especially one so widely critiqued as Shadow of the Colossus, without necessarily speaking on what was spoken before. It is impossible to even play the game without encountering these extratextual conversations.

When I watched my friend play Shadow of the Colossus for the first time, I must have already been faintly aware of this phenomenon. The process of finding an appropriate emulator and an appropriate ROM led her through websites already saturated with extratextual content that suggested certain ideas of the game content. She had heard me speak of the game before. She had already listened to much of its music, accompanied on YouTube by comments. Being someone interested in games herself, she had certainly already encountered discussions of the game content like this one. She knew damn well that Agro would fall off that bridge. From all of this it is clear to me that the “extratext” was always inescapable. If she were to encounter the game truly without prior knowledge it would still not have “saved” her because she would just discover the extratext afterwards.

And what of my wife? My poor sweet wife? Just as no dry beach is spared from the tide, she too will be inundated by extratext that will indelibly shape how she receives and interprets the game content. She will not be a source of a “pure” opinion, but only another source of interpretation. She will never play Shadow of the Colossus as it was when it came out in 2005.

The space in consideration is a “consensus blob.” It has no hard boundaries, but it has gradients. Within the blob there are many shades of interpretation, but few overt contradictions except when comparing extremes. The blob is uncentered because there is no single “correct” or most stable interpretation. Areas of the blob give the appearance of a “consensus,” a shared notion or common interpretation, but really the gradient is everywhere and always-changing, like an amoeba. Even the creator of the art object can sway from point to point in the blob, forgetting wherever it was they started. The consensus is heraclitean. The extratext is absolutely inseparable from the text.

Really, we shouldn’t be miffed about it. Shadow of the Colossus can be about a lot of things, it’s not like we need a single definitive analysis. It will be a joy to watch my wife play, and I will be delighted to see what she thinks. I’m sure it will be new and exciting.

Overall, I give Reign Over Me a strong 6/10.

Sources

AstraFuckingGooGoo. “Shadow of the Colossus (PS4)- one of the worst games I’ve ever played.” r/patientgamers. https://www.reddit.com/r/patientgamers/comments/ujnx5q/shadow_of_the_colossus_ps4_one_of_the_worst_games/. Accessed 8 Aug. 2024.

Binder, Mike, dir. 2007. Reign over Me. Screenplay by Mike Binder. Columbia Pictures.

BrunoBRS. “Shadow of the Colossus: a Retrospective View”. Noobfeed. 27 Sep. 2011. https://www.noobfeed.com/features/160/shadow-of-the-colossus-a-retrospective-view

Diefendorff, Keith. “Sony’s Emotionally Charged Chip.” Microprocessor Report, vol. 13, no. 5.

Koop, Brandon. “Shadow of the Colossus: A Retrospective.” The Boss Key, 10 Apr. 2014, https://bradenkoop.wordpress.com/2014/04/10/shadow-of-the-colossus-a-retrospective/.

Lyles, Taylor. “Shadow of the Colossus Retrospective -- A Tragically Beautiful Love Story.” DualShockers, 26 Jan. 2018, https://www.dualshockers.com/shadow-of-the-colossus-retrospective/.

Metacritic. Reign over Me. https://www.metacritic.com/movie/reign-over-me/. Accessed 15 Aug. 2024.

“Nomad Colossus.” Team Ico Wiki, https://teamico.fandom.com/wiki/Nomad_Colossus. Accessed 8 Aug. 2024.

Peeren, Esther. “Compelling Memory: 9/11 and the Work of Mourning in Mike Binder’s Reign Over Me.” Cultural Critique, vol. 92, no. 1, Dec. 2016, pp. 57–83. DOI.org (Crossref), https://doi.org/10.1353/cul.2016.a617380.

Piquet, Léna, translator. “The Making of ‘Shadow of the Colossus.’” Froyok, Dec. 2007, https://pure.uva.nl/ws/files/2772150/175939_PUBLISHED_Peeren_617380.pdf.

Quest for the Last Big Secret / Mysteries of SotC. PlayStation Community Forums, archived May 2013. http://web.archive.org/web/20130505104658/http://community.us.playstation.com/t5/Shadow-of-the-Colossus-PS2/Quest-for-the-Last-Big-Secret-Mysteries-of-SotC/td-p/20178777

Riga, Mac. “START/SELECT: Consuming Loneliness: A ‘Shadow of the Colossus’ Retrospective.” The Hoya, https://thehoya.com/guide/start-select-consuming-loneliness-a-shadow-of-the-colossus-retrospective/. Accessed 12 Aug. 2024.

Taylor, Jay. “Interview Extra: Fumito Ueda (Ico, Shadow of the Colossus, The Last Guardian).” Cane and Rinse, 27 Aug. 2019, https://caneandrinse.com/fumito-ueda-interview/.

Ueda, Fumito. Interview for CONTINUE Magazine, vol. 25., 2005. Translated by shmuplations, https://shmuplations.com/ueda/. Accessed 13 Aug. 2024.

#essay #game criticism #game critique #game review #video games #gaming #shadow of the colossus #team ico #review #dustyisforever review

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muffinrecord · 2 years ago

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I wanna talk about it more at a later point but I'm finally watching the viking event (as a video as opposed to a script document) and I had a quick thought: it fascinates me that Gunhild wants to fulfill Olga's dream but at every single point, she denies Olga any agency or choice.

I think this event has a lot of meat on it that you can dig into. I really want to tear into it at a later point. It's good and I recommend it if you haven't watched it yet.

It's one of those stories that feels... I dunno, it feels simple at first but then you sit down and really think about it and there's just a lot to go over.

(That's not to say it's perfect, there's a few writing choices that I dislike but overall it's up there as one of my favorites).

I feel like it has a lot to say on choice and agency. The way different characters want it, the way different characters go about it (and don't go about it), the way they think they'll be able to grab their freedom and achieve their dreams-- hell, even Promised Blood has their agency and choices messed with as Nemu doesn't give them the full details of their mission because Nemu knew that PB would interfere with history if they knew the truth.

I'm not really sure what the conclusion of the thoughts brought up by the event are just yet (probably because I've still got ten minutes left to go and I'm writing this before it leaves my head) but man.

Something that also gets me is that Yuna leaves Olga to make a choice-- the choice to become a magical girl. Which in a lot of ways... is the wrong choice morally. The series goes over and over why that's a bad idea.

And yet it's the right choice, and not just because it's what history says should happen, but because it's the choice that Olga makes for herself. Even if it's a "bad" choice. Even if it can only hurt her. This is the first real action she takes for herself...

But is it? Because Yuna had to leave her in a place where Kyubey could get to her... so was it really her choice?

Auuugh

Okay I need to finish this and compile evidence and write something up later. There's a! lot! a lot!!! going on here!!! my favorite event.

#Magia Record #Valkyrie of Vik #Olga #Gunhild

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shdwtouch · 8 days ago

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thinking about adding something like the following (or similar ? shorter probably ?) to my rules / mun info on the new blog. thoughts....? idk if it's too... personal. tmi. needy ? sets the bar too high ? I'm just. trying to be transparent, honest, open. set clear boundaries, communicate, etc.

idk this has just been. the biggest source of my anxiety in the rpc lately, I've seen it brought up in rules, and I think it's valid ! I just. don't want to worry about boundaries or coming on too strong or having my genuine intentions mistaken for bad or problematic ones.

so yeah. thoughts ? which. if folks are more comfy messaging me instead of commenting that's OK. again, cuz I know this is kinda. more personal.

I have autism and ADHD. I struggle with communication and social boundaries. I try my best to communicate and respect the boundaries of others, but I know I can mess up; please know it is never my intention to make you feel uncomfortable, and it's very likely I may have not realized I've crossed a boundary. please be patient with me. please communicate with me, I promise you won't hurt my feelings by being honest; I'd prefer you be honest over uncomfortable, or resent me for something I didn't realize I had done wrong.

I would also suggest watching this video. if we talk in any capacity then it's likely I consider you a friend. I'm not asking you to be my friend, I'm not requiring us to be best friends, I'm just asking you to be empathetic and respectful. genuinely, I treat everyone the same way, but I know being overly friendly and invested isn't to everyone's tastes, so please just let me know and I will do my best to adjust. in general if you have a rule about friends and lovebombing I will note this and adapt without being asked. but overall, I'm being genuine and don't have ill intentions. I'm seriously just trying to be friend shaped, it's how I am.

honestly: I struggle with rejection sensitive dysphoria. I'm working on it. but moreso I have anxiety about being misunderstood and mistakenly labeled as having bad intentions, being problematic, etc and in the event I DO seem that way I would prefer to be communicated with so I can adjust my behavior and improve because, again, it's not intentional and I don't want to be seen that way.

(btw comment is not mine, just a relevant one off the video)

#《 ° puffin.exe 》 im a puffin ! i dont do much #° mobile post !#° personal !

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mnzmysticechoes · 8 months ago

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Replacing My Laptop? The ProTabletX Surprise...

For years, my trusty laptop had been my lifeline to work and entertainment. But lately, it's been showing its age – slow, bulky, and with a battery life that barely lasts a coffee break. I started considering a replacement, but the thought of lugging around another heavy laptop wasn't appealing. Then, I came across the ProTabletX - An All Around Tablet For Entertainment And Work.

The Quest for the Perfect Device

I wanted a device that could seamlessly blend productivity with entertainment. A sleek tablet seemed like a good option, but I worried it wouldn't be powerful enough for work tasks. Many tablets lacked the processing power or software compatibility I needed for video editing and design programs. 2-in-1 laptops seemed like a compromise, but they often felt clunky and expensive.

Discovering the ProTabletX

The ProTabletX promised the best of both worlds: a powerful tablet that could handle demanding applications while remaining light and portable. The advertised specs were impressive – a high-resolution display, a powerful processor, and a long-lasting battery. The reviews emphasised its versatility, praising its ability to excel at work and entertainment tasks. Intrigued, I decided to take the plunge.

A Premium Look and Feel

The ProTabletX arrived beautifully packaged, exuding a sense of quality from the get-go. The tablet itself was surprisingly thin and light, yet felt incredibly sturdy. The sleek metal design looked polished and professional. The display was stunning – vibrant colours, crisp details, and a perfect size for both work and watching videos.

Powerhouse Performance

Setting up the ProTabletX was a breeze. The operating system was intuitive and familiar, and the pre-installed apps covered my basic needs. The real test came when I started using it for work. To my delight, the ProTabletX handled everything I threw at it with ease. Video editing software ran smoothly, design programs responded quickly, and multitasking was a breeze. Gone were the days of lagging laptops and overheating fans.

Entertainment on the Go

Beyond its work capabilities, the ProTabletX truly shines as an entertainment device. The immersive display brought movies and shows to life, while the powerful speakers delivered rich, clear sound. Downloading games and streaming apps was a breeze, and the long battery life ensured I could binge-watch my favourite shows on long journeys. The tablet also came with a stylus pen, which proved surprisingly handy for note-taking and casual sketching.

A Perfect Blend

The ProTabletX has become my go-to device for everything. It's powerful enough to handle my workday demands, yet light and portable enough to be my entertainment companion on the go. The battery life is excellent, and the overall design is sleek and professional.

Would I Recommend It?

Absolutely! If you're looking for a versatile device that excels at both work and entertainment, then the ProTabletX is an excellent choice. It's powerful, portable, and packed with features. While everyone's needs differ, it has transformed the way I work and unwind. Before making a decision, consider what features are most important to you, but for me, the ProTabletX has been a game-changer.

#Tablet review #Productivity tablet #Entertainment tablet #2-in-1 tablet alternative #ProTabletX

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puppyluver256 · 3 years ago

Photo

[Image Description: A woman with blue skin, maroon eyes, and multicolored hair (mostly purple with one strip of turquoise and one strip of pink) in a ponytail with two silver spoon-shaped hair clips. She is wearing a long pink button-up shirt under a green t-shirt with lightly frilled sleeves, blue capri-length pants, turquoise socks, and maroon loafer shoes. She has a tan bag slung over her shoulder with both the Psychonauts emblem (a brain surrounded by lines of black and blue) and the pansexual flag (three stripes of magenta, yellow, and blue) attached to the strap. She is holding one hand up, above which is a floating spoon that is being bent by psychic ability, and giving a peace sign with her other hand. The background is a swirling gradient of blue and black. End ID.]

-----

Got inspired to make a Psychonauts OC a while back after re-watching a video about our real-world "psychics" (ie. utter frauds) inspired an idea of complete and total irony. Let me introduce you to Yuri Randi!

Yuri's a roaming recruiter for the Psychonauts, often out scouting for promising candidates to the Psychonauts proper, the intern program, and even finding kids who would benefit from some time at the Whispering Rock summer camp. That's not getting into her...unofficial work. You see, both her personal experience with her own abilities and her years of work scouting for real psychics has led to her getting really good at noticing when people try to fake it, not to mention one of her dads is a non-psychic and former stage magician so he knows those kinds of tricks as well. So she has developed a kind of hobby of sorts where she goes to these fake psychic shows and...basically just makes them look like fools for trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the real damn thing. And yes, you may have already guessed by her name, but her concept was inspired by the feud between so-called psychic fraudster Uri Gellar and James "The Amazing" Randi >:3c Yeah, I'm a little bitter about Gellar and his litigious nonsense putting Kadabra into legal limbo, how could you tell??

A few more fun facts about Yuri while I'm still on this train of thought: - While I think it would be a common enough thing for most psychics to start with spoon-bending (after all, didn't Ford refer to the campers as "spoon-benders" once? and I saw that reveal in Rhombus of Ruin too), Yuri was so proud of her first that she ended up keeping it decades after and uses it as a hairclip. Her specialty is manipulating metal, though of course she's got quite the handy range of varied abilities figured out, that's just the one she's most fond of personally. - She has two dads, one of whom is her biological dad with the help of a mutual friend acting as a surrogate, who she affectionately calls "auntie" even though the nature of her relationship with her dads has never been kept secret from her. Her "auntie" and bio dad are the psychic ones, and her other dad has always been very supportive of her abilities, especially when she's using them to dunk on the frauds. - She has crushed on nearly every adult at the Motherlobe for at least a few days each. The longest of these crushes have been a tie between her feelings for Milla and Sasha, alternating between the two roughly at the same time. - Her overall fashion sense and tendency to carry her bag of Very Important Things (mostly snacks) with her even throughout the Motherlobe has led to her being mistaken for an intern more than a few times, even by applying interns that weren't brought in by her. The confusion doesn't last long once she reveals she's in her early 30s.

💖🐶 Check out my pinned post for ways to support my artwork, among other things! 🐶💖

~If you like, please reblog to show your friends! Likes are appreciated, but reblogs let more people see my content! If you have something to say, feel free to give feedback in tags/comments/replies as well!~

Psychonauts and related concepts © DoubleFine Yuri Randi and artwork © PuppyLuver Studios

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #psychonauts oc #yuri randi #jess drew the thing #sfw #image description

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keanureevesisbae · 3 years ago

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I was thinking abt sy with a lil idol gf and omg🥺🥺Bye he’d be so supportive🥰he would go to his gf’s shows and maybe even surprise his idol gf at a fansign and bring 20 albums for her to sign😭😭 the big bear definitely owns a bunch of merch and has a “secret” fan acc, He is overall just mushy for his girlie😩🤚(I’m so soft rn pls😭)

YOU JUST MADE ME THE SOFTEST HUMAN BEING ALIVE. OH MY GOSH, THIS IS ADORABLE, I LOVE THIS AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PUTTING THIS IDEA IN MY MIND!! (side note: i used Jennie's Solo cover for the art and i also went out of my way to make insta edits - yes, i'm that type of person) also, thank you sweet anon for sending me this 💗hope you like it

Captain Syverson x petite!cutesy!fem!reader

Summary: Sy has a reputation: a strong and powerful captain, who is never afraid and will never turn into a pile of mush. However, there is only one woman who is able to turn him into the ultimate fanboy.

Wordcount: 1k

Warnings: none

Sy is more of a country music kinda man. Growing up in Texas, near a bar with a mechanic bull, he was obsessed as a young teen with the idea of just touring through the state with a cowboy hat on his head and a guitar.

It’s just the fact that he can’t sing what stood in the way of a very promising country career.

He joined the military and forgot about the idea all together, but when he came back from his final tour to Iraq, his friends took him on a little welcome home drive through the country. They visited all sorts of bars, listened to all sorts of music there. Sure, all sorts of music had its appeal, but it would never be like country.

The final destination of the little road trip was LA and they went to a bar for new sing and songwriters to perform.

And that’s where he first laid his eyes on you. He remembers you sitting on a bar stool, back straight as a ruler. You were adorable, he thought to himself. Wide eyes as you were watching the stage, clapping your hands along with the beat and squealing when someone sang something particularly well.

And then it was your turn to get on stage. A sweet pink dress, matched with white sneakers and socks with a lace border. Nothing about the song you wrote and sang was something he usually liked. Very happy, up beat and your high voice sang every note perfectly.

Despite not his taste, he adored every second of it.

You seemed shy off stage, with the way you sat by yourself, but on stage that demeanor completely changed.

You were born to be a singer.

When you sat down at your own barstool again, he grabbed his beer and decided to sit next to you, get to know you. Everything about you was different. Petite, long hair and your feet didn’t even touch the floor.

He was supposed to stay in LA for two weeks, but that changed into a month and then two months, because he couldn’t get enough of you. He left Texas (something he never thought he would do) and moved to LA, where he got a job as a constructor. You quit your own job, one you only took to be able to pay for the bills and musical equipments. He loved helping you out, driving you from bar to bar, hoping your dream of becoming an idol would come true.

And one day, it happened.

You got an offer of one of the biggest agencies in the US and after the two of you read the contract multiple times, you signed and were an official idol.

Life changed a lot after that. You were either in the studio, dance practice and back at the studio again, however Sy made sure that you were well hydrated and fed, just like your back up dancers.

The people at the agency loved Sy and they often joked that he was part of the family that was created at the agency.

It all happened fast. Your first single, music video, first appearance at multiple late night shows and finally you reached one million followers on Instagram.

And he was right by your side.

His friends knew about his love for country, but they also knew about his much bigger love for you. They often would catch the big captain sing to the cute, almost bubblegum pop music you produced.

He didn’t care.

Sy had all your merchandise, whether it would fit him or not. He had your albums (all signed of course) and listened to them when you weren’t around. Sometimes he’d travel with you as you were touring, sometimes he stayed behind, especially after the two of you adopted a two year old American Akita.

The world knew you weren’t single, but you always kept Sy out of the spotlight, something he’d greatly appreciated. While you were born to be famous, he was born to live a more anonymous.

But that didn’t stop you from boasting about him on Instagram.

It had been at least three months since you saw him in real life. Your manager and all your back up dancers knew about his plan. Heck, they even helped Sy with planning it. He watches from the back, the line at your meet and greet stand growing smaller and smaller, until everyone has left. You let out a content sigh and want to get up, but your manager says there is a special fan still waiting in the back.

‘Really?’ you ask him. ‘Who is it?’

‘Very special. Super fan.’

That gains your attention, as your eyebrows are raised. ‘Do I know them?’

‘You’ve met them before,’ your manager says.

‘Oh, I do hope I recognize them,’ you say. ‘I don’t want to come across as such a bitch, you know.’

Your manager starts to laugh. ‘I wouldn’t worry about it,’ he says. ‘Close your eyes.’

You place your hands over your eyes and smile in anticipation. Sy quietly walks over to your table and places his newly bought album in front of you. ‘I’d like this signed, please,’ he says.

Within lightening speed you pull your hands from your eyes. ‘Oh my,’ you say, ‘Sy?’ You jump up, your chair falling behind you. You run around the table and wrap your arms around his neck. He lifts you up in his arms and gives you a kiss on your cheek. ‘I missed you! What are you doing here? How is Kal?’

‘Kal is good. He is with your parents.’

‘But what are you doing here?’ you ask.

‘I want my autograph,’ he says with a chuckle.

You press a kiss on his lips. ‘How long are you gonna stay here with me?’

He shrugs. ‘I brought enough clothing for let’s say… a month?’

Your eyes enlarge. ‘That’s the end of my tour! Oh, Sy, you’re staying with me?’ You have tears in your eyes and whisper: ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too, little lady.’

#captain syverson #captain syverson drabble #captain syverson x reader #captain syverson x idol!reader #sy and his idol gf

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thefanficmonster · 4 years ago

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Rumors

Corpse Husband x Bimbo!Reader (Female)

Warnings: Mentions of Slut Shaming, Swearing

Genre: Fluff, Tiniest bit of Angst, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When some rumors start floating around, every content creator does their best to either ignore them or defuse the situation. However, sometimes, the fans attempt to do the defusing themselves which only leads to a worse disaster. That’s the case for Corpse whose fans were quick to jump to his protection of some ‘false’ rumors.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request, it was a joy to write. I’m sorry for how long it has taken me to complete and post the fic but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy reading it at least half as much as I enjoyed writing it! Love, Vy ❤

Corpse cracks his knuckles, then his shoulders, then his collarbone, then the his neck. He clenches his jaw as he breathes steadily and rhythmically, trying to control an overwhelming wave of anger that he has never felt before. This is a situation he’s never had to deal with nor did he ever think he’d have to deal with and address on a fucking livestream on top of all, but here he is now, doing his best to count to ten and not go on a Twitter responding spree, calling people out on their bullshit. He wanted to do so, he still wants to, but he was stopped in his intentions and brought to a calm mindset where he was swayed into dealing with this the civil way and not by roasting the fuck out of any and every foul-mouthed person he’s seen on his Twitter timeline.

He can’t really guarantee and civility during the stream either, he’s aware his tolerance is as thin as a stretched out, old rubber band and is a slight tug away from snapping and allowing him to unleash hell on these people because of who he’s been seeing red these past few days.

Let’s not risk a misunderstanding here - Corpse absolutely loves and adores his fans, but seeing this behavior from them is quite upsetting and disappointing. When he uses the terms like ‘assholes’, ‘jerks’ and ‘rude motherfuckers’ he isn’t referring to them. He knows they are good people, but are using the completely wrong tactic of defending him, not to mention he doesn’t even need defending. Even if he did, he’s more than capable of doing it on his own and not getting other people involved.

“Hello everyone, hope you’re doing well.“ He finally settles on saying, officially kicking off the stream. If there’s any indicator of the serious nature of this stream, it’s probably the lack of lo-fi and the lack of even attempted playfulness and cheeriness in his voice. That’s how you know shit isn’t to be messed around about. “I just realized I didn’t specify what I’ll be doing in the Tweet, but I’ll tell you now, so those who aren’t interested in the subject or want to steer clear of the drama can leave. However, I wouldn’t advise clicking off considering this will be an overall, how do I say this, rant, of sorts? It’s meant to knock some sense in the people who have been spreading hate for a specific person on all social media platforms she’s active on.“

The majority of the viewers are already familiar with the subject, some even guilty of spreading the hate Corpse mentioned, but there are a few that are completely clueless - the ones actually not interested in online drama, not just saying they ‘hate drama’. With those people in mind, Corpse takes to addressing the issue from its very beginning.

“So, for a month now, me and this streamer, who’s also a TikTok star, by the name of Y/N have been interacting a lot on social media. She’s an incredibly sweet girl that a lot of people have prejudice towards. She’s very misjudged and misunderstood because people see he solely as her content, if that makes sense. They only know she’s that streamer who wears revealing clothes on her streams and posts risqué pictures on her Instagram. Like, no.“ Corpse cannot even fully believe he has to address this and that slut-shaming people is still a thing in the twenty-first century. He closes his eyes for a moment, fist tightening and his knuckles turning white, “I don’t understand how so many people can be so shallow and just plain jerks towards her in general, but then again - this is especially for my fans, the members of my fandom - I don’t understand the need you guys feel to put Y/N down to defend me from some ridiculous rumors as if it’s the first time I’ve had to deal with people talking shit for attention or to get someone canceled.“ He sighs, reminding himself to slow his roll as to not confuse any viewers who still don’t know the full story, “Anyway, back to the timeline of events. So, considering we’ve never interacted before, all the replying to comments, retweeting, liking posts and whatever sparked some dating rumors. Isn’t that just fucking hilarious - you see two people interacting on social media and the first thing that comes to mind is that they’re in a romantic relationship. Where did the friendship go? Does no one value or consider friendships to be a valid type of human relation anymore?“ He runs a hand through his hair, making another pause to clear his mind and prevent his frustration from overflowing. He promised he wouldn’t lose his cool and would remain calm and collected, but the more he talks about it the tighter he clenches his fist and the faster his heartrate is. His neck and ears are red from the tension he feels all over, almost like he’s physically restraining a raging wild animal and not just his own thoughts and emotions.

There’s layers to his anger, the lower ones - aka the ones he’s yet to get to - will be a nightmarish test of his self-control, he already knows it. Judging by how much of a toll this rant has already taken on him, his patience and control growing thinner and thinner, he’s not sure how he’ll power through the last layers without his voice raising awfully high in volume and his fists searching for some object to punch. To an ignorant eye, his reaction would seem exaggerated and overboard, but little does that ignorant eye know...

“When some of my fans saw those rumors, they reacted very badly. It was quite disappointing to see. Guys, I appreciate you standing up for me even though you shouldn’t do that - I can defend myself, not that this was a matter I needed defending from to begin with. But just the way some of you went about it was horrifically wrong and quite upsetting, to me but especially to Y/N herself.“ He can feel it, the aggravation growing, bubbling up in his chest, “What I saw disgusted me, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. The things some of you were saying...I couldn’t believe you are in fact the same people who are my fans, my lovely fans who I’ve always thought so highly of. Never did I think you could be able of slut-shaming so vulgarly and grossly, I couldn’t believe what I was reading.“

He has every right to be upset - the things being said about Y/N were truly awful and a lot of things being said were meant to defend Corpse and defuse the rumors, doing so while stomping all over Y/N and her content. Rightfully so, many of her fans were outraged and quick to jump to her defense but were unfortunately outnumbered, leading Corpse to believe not many of her fans are actually real or as dedicated as his which only fueled his fury further.

Anyway, let’s take a look at Y/N’s point of view. Being a content creator for as long as she has, refusing to change her style no matter how many people disagreed and insulted her about it, she’s grown quite used to people spitting insults at her on every social media possible. It’s sad how throughout the majority of her content creating career she’s only had haters, creeps and fake fans watching her videos and streams. Rare are those in her fandom who’d actually stick up for her and defend her in ‘scandals’ such as this one. However, no amount of experience with dealing with hate could have prepared her for this outpour of some of the meanest shit she’s ever heard and been called in her life.

Y/N likes the content she makes, she’s comfortable in her skin and loves her body. She loves showing it off too and nor she nor anyone who wants that deserves to be shamed for who they are and what they do, especially when they aren’t hurting anyone and their content is still appropriate. People have always bashed her for all elements of who she is: her appearance, her clothing style, her streams, her gaming skills, her voice on occasion. She can count the instances when she’s received positive feedback on the fingers of her hands which would depress anyone else but not her. She’s always created content for her own amusement and entertainment so people’s opinions never really bothered her. Until now, until this very drama that has hit a specific nerve, an insecurity of hers she’s never talked about. The comments such as:

(Vy Speaking: Comments containing slut-shaming ahead, go to ### if you want to skip)

“Corpse would never date a slut like her“

“Corpse dating this thot? Please internet stop being ridiculous“

“Corpse ain’t a pimp, y’all need to chill“

“Even if they datin they gon break up soon - whore stays a whore“

###

bothered her far more than she’d like to admit. She has no one to open up about it either, she knows what she’ll get in response if she does - she’ll be told it’s her fault. Her fault because of the way she dresses, the way she talks and acts, because she chose this career to begin with. All her fault. The only person she can turn to she refuses to because she doesn’t want to be a bother - not after so many people confirmed her worries that she’s not good enough for him already anyway, the least she can do is avoid bothering him the best she can.

And that is exactly why this has upset Corpse so much.

“Here’s a little message specifically meant for those who claimed I’d never date someone like Y/N or specifically Y/N. You better listen carefully: Don’t you ever, and I mean EVER slut-shame my girlfriend or any other person ever. I cannot believe I have to explicitly remind you that your behavior isn’t ok. You should fucking know that your behavior isn’t right and that you’re a massive piece of shit for saying those awful things about others you judge solely on appearance and clothing. Does it surprise you that I am, in fact, dating Y/N? If you say yes for the reason you think she’s not good enough for me or that I deserve better, please get the fuck out of my fandom. No one disrespects my girl and gets away with it. That’s final!“

Though still under the influence of a flurry of negative emotions, overhearing Corpse literally telling people to exclude themselves from his fandom for being mean to her, Y/N’s taking a step towards emotional recovery knowing her boyfriend will always have her back. He’ll always be there to prove people wrong, defend her and stand by her. He’ll be there to catch her when the hate knocks her off her feet.

But most importantly: he’ll never ask her to change. Not her style, not her clothes, not her personality, nothing. He fell for her the way she is and for who she is, and he will never allow anyone to try to change her either. For someone who’s never had much support all her life, a single speck of support overpowers all the hate within the blink of an eye. Corpse will always be her knight in shining armor, the knight who defeated all the hateful demons by just entering her life. And though she’s still struggling with the ‘Am I good enough for someone so wonderful?’ and ‘He deserves better, doesn’t he?’ questions, with his hand holding hers, she’ll never let those doubts and insecurities overpower her.

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football-writing · 3 years ago

Text

Trent Alexander Arnold - you deserve the world and more

Warnings: some sexual innuendos, teasing, overall birthday fluffiness

a/n: so i got a request for Trent but i don't actually know him that well? anyway watched some videos, thought his accent was cute and i don't mind the request either way so... here we are :p sorry it took a bit longer, i was quite busy with school unfortunately :(

"HAP-"

"Don't even start Trent, I will break up with you." You sat up against the headboard of your bed, a pointed finger raised toward his figure as he entered your bedroom, although it did nothing to add any significance to the empty threat.

He pouted as you interrupted his attempt at singing happy birthday to you. Granted it was early in the morning and his terrible singing was probably not the best thing to wake up to, he still figured you'd deserve some love on your birthday. Besides, he loved when you'd get all embarrassed at his antics, especially if your cheeks flushed and that shy smile played on your lips. He simply thought you were adorable.

"Please? I made a crazy remix just for you." He pleaded with you, but your glare - albeit playful - told him not to push it.

"Alright well, you'll hear it next year then." He joked as he sat down on the edge of the bed, propping himself up on his elbows before nodding his head at you. "Get dressed, baby, we got a lot to do today."

"Do we, now?" Your tone was teasing, but really you were curious as to what he had planned. It was Trent after all - the boy always planned everything to perfection.

"Didn't think I didn't have anything planned for your birthday, did you?" He raised his eyebrows at you, a smirk playing on his lips.

You only hummed amusedly in response as you got out of bed. It wasn't entirely uncommon for him to sit and wait on your bed while you got ready; he'd been round yours countless of times and knew his way around, being perfectly capable of entertaining himself while you showered and did your hair and make up. It was no surprise that when you were done and walked back into your room, he was sprawled out on your bed, watching summaries of last night's football matches.

Still, his eyes were on you as soon as you walked in in only your underwear. "Dang girl, I thought it was your birthday but this sure is a present for me." He flirted as his eyes wandered over your body. The comment earned him a roll of your eyes as you continued your way to your wardrobe, but the blush that adorned your cheeks gave away the impact that it had on you. Surely, you'd have to be used to it by now, but all his flirty remarks and admiring gazes still made butterfly erupt in your stomach.

"It's nothing too fancy, just wear something you're comfortable in." He said as he noticed you weighing your clothing options.

"How comfortable are we talking here?" You pondered out loud as you ran your hand across some shirts, trying to pick one.

"Well, not sweatpants-comfortable."

You let out a laugh at that. He knew you all too well, and if you could, you'd spend the whole day in your sweats. Instead, you opted for a white turtleneck with a black slip-on dress. It was comfortable yet cute, and matched perfectly with your doc martens. It was coincidentally also one of Trent's favourite outfits of yours.

"Dang! You tryna impress me here?" Trent hollered as soon as he saw the outfit you'd put on, immediately shutting off the tv and walking up to you.

"Depends. Is it working?" You asked as you teasingly smiled up at him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"Perhaps." He fiddled with the straps of your dress, twisting them beneath his fingers as he avoided making eye contact with you. The blush on his cheeks betrayed him though; you had as much of an effect on him as he did on you, even after dating for so long.

it was evident too, when you drove to wherever he was taking you, his hand firmly on your thigh the whole time.

"Alright, we're here. I know what you're thinking: 'Trent, we're at the park', but it's gonna be fun, I promise." He said as soon as he parked the car.

You only held your hands up in defense as both of you got out, Trent walking over to your side immediately. The piece of cloth in his hands made you look warily at him, which he took quick notice of.

"I just wanna keep this a surprise, okay? I need to get some things from the trunk and I don't want you to see just yet. Please can I put the blindfold on?"

And if it wasn't for his stupid puppy eyes and perfect smile you would've said no. But alas, here we are, as you reluctantly let him blindfold you. You could only peak down and see the toes of your shoes, but the rest was total darkness as you relied on your sense of hearing to know that Trent was rummaging in the back of his car. Then, your sense of touch took over as Trent's hand appeared in yours, guiding you for a small walk before telling you to wait on the spot as you once again heard him rummaging around.

"You know, in any other situation this blindfold might've been fun, but I'd really like to take it off now." You hummed. Patience was never one of your virtues. And although you couldn't see Trent, the sound of his choked out breath at your innuendo made you bite back a cheeky smile.

"It's done, you can take it off."

And you did. Your eyes needed some time to adjust to the bright sun, but once they did, a gasp fell from your mouth. He stood before you with a bouquet of your favourite flowers, a picnic blanket spread out on the grass with various items laid on it. A quick glance made you realise how much thought he put into this: there were chocolate covered strawberries, grapes, some of your favourite snacks and a bottle of wine to share. He even brought a speaker so you could listen to music. The scene in front of you looked like it came straight out of a movie.

"Trent, this- this is just- I mean, wow." You stuttered out.

"Let's just enjoy ourselves, yeah? You wanna start with the strawberries?" He asked with a proud smile on his face, before gently kissing your cheek as you were still completely awestruck.

And so the rest of the day was spent sitting at that little spot in the park. You'd fed each other strawberries, giggling as Trent got chocolate on his chin, eating all your favourite snacks and reminiscing on the past year. The whole time he's just sitting there, admiring you and everything you've achieved this year, telling you time and time again how proud he is of you. It's a day well spent, and as the cold evening breeze picks up, you're moving closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder. His hand comes down on your thigh, then, just beneath the hem of your dress. He'd momentarily slip his pinky finger an inch or so underneath it, rubbing gentle circles on the now exposed skin.

"This has been amazing, Trent. Really, I appreciate it so much. just goes to show I picked the right guy, don't it?" You're giggling as you look up at him, but the confession is as genuine as it gets.

"You deserve it, baby." He whispers as he looks down into your eyes. And it's true. The whole world knows how much you deserve it. All you can do is smile brightly.

"God, I love you so much." You confess in a rushed whisper.

He doesn't even have time to respond that he loves you more before your lips are already on his, kissing him passionately to emphasise the truth in your previous statement. He kisses back with just as much intensity, his hands holding your face as he smiles in the kiss. It doesn't take long before his tongue slips in your mouth, slowly and teasingly, and you can only press yourself further into him as a response to his actions.

As much as he wants to continue, give you exactly what you want, he's awfully aware that you're both still in public. He also has another surprise for you. So he reluctantly breaks the kiss, much to your dismay.

"I- uhh. I actually have something else for you." He admits as he starts going through the basket, taking out a small box.

"Trent, really, this is too much."

"Open it baby." He says as he hands you the box. Your hand reaches up to cover your mouth as you gasp loudly, looking up at him in disbelief as soon as you open it and see what's inside.

"No way. Is this-?" You can't even form a proper sentence.

"Your birthstone and mine, yeah. I heard you talk about how much you liked the idea of them, so I thought this would be really cool. And it would look really good on you."

His confession makes you well up slightly as you roam over the necklace. It's delicate and dainty, the two birthstones sitting right beside each other in a beautiful pendant. It's absolutely mesmerising to look at, and it's the perfect gift to top off a perfect day.

"Do you want me to put it on for you?" He's whispering as he kisses your forehead, and he can feel you nod against his lips.

You turn around so he's got access to your neck. It's convenient because he won't notice the tears that silently fall from your eyes. This would go down as your best birthday ever, and it's all because of him. You couldn't have wished for anything more in life than to be by his side, and you're hoping the rest of your future together will have you feeling this pure happiness, forever. You're having to look up at the sky to stop the tears from overflowing even more.

He's careful as he puts the necklace on, brushing your hair aside, fingertips grazing over the warm skin beneath your ear as he does, rubbing your arms once he's done, signalling for you to turn back around. He kisses your shoulder before resting his chin on it as he realises you're not ready to face him yet, quickly trying to wipe away any stray tears as you try and compose yourself.

"It's okay, you don't have to hide from me baby. You deserve the world and more, you know that." He's smiling gently as he whispers from his position behind you, his arms wrapping around you too as he gently sways you from side to side.

"I'm just- this is just so nice. Everything you've done for me." Your voice is strained, and it sounds like you're holding in a sob at his kind words.

"I love you." He's whipsering as his lips find their way to your shoulder, and your neck, and cheek, peppering them in tender kisses to bring your wonderful smile back on your lips. Your head leans to his, indicating that you're okay again, saying the three words back to him once more. He's letting you go then, just so you can turn around and look him in the eyes again. He's grinning, and the mischievous glint in his eyes makes you look at him skeptically.

"Actually, I have another surprise for you."

"Babe I don't think I can take another surprise."

"You're gonna like this one, though." He's full on smirking now, and you call out his name in warning.

"Yeah, it's gonna take all night long." Your mouth falls open in shock at his vulgar comment, groaning out a quiet 'oh my god' as you slap his chest, while he's full on giggling as he falls back on the blanket.

That one comment is all it takes for you to fall back into your usual joking, teasing routine. And it's all you could ever ask for.

He is all you could ever ask for, and so much more, too.

#trent alexander arnold #trent alexander arnold oneshot #trent alexander arnold fanfic #trent alexander arnold imagine #trent alexander arnold x reader

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graphicabyss · 3 years ago

Text

War Chronicles (reposted from Twitter)

Just thought I'd repost it here for posterity.

Day 1: There are bad mornings and then there's waking up to sirens because Russia invaded at 5 AM.

Day 2: Was woken up by sirens and had to hang out in the shelter, which is just an ancient basement. The capital is under siege. I've no idea what happens next.

I've left Kiev and staying at my sister's in the country where it's safer.

Day 4: We're all fine and optimistic. The Russians haven't managed to take any major cities and suffer heavy losses. They expected an easy win so they're in for a big disappointment. They're demoralized and running out of fuel and ammo. Shouldn't be long.

Day 7 of war. I'm fine, except I got sick, possibly with Covid. Spent a few days lying down but I'm better now. We're holding on well and it's nice the whole world applauds our resilience but we still very much need foreign assistance to win.

Day 9: I'm feeling much better but there are others who are more sick. It's relatively quiet here but the cities are still being bombed. There's no time to worry. We also make short informational videos and post them online to try to get through to Russians.

Day 10: We're mostly recovered but yesterday the water pump broke so we had to bring it from the well. The men finally managed to fix it now and I had a very luxurious shower. It's starting to feel like a new normal.

Day 14… I think… Time has somewhat lost its meaning now. Doing fine overall but the exhaustion is taking its toll. Normal life seems so distant, like a blissful dream.

Day 18: It's actually pretty hard to get depressed when you have a 6-year old who randomly leans in to you and whispers to your ear "karapupskin!!!" [s]

Day 19: The village I'm staying at is actually a great archeological site of one of the world's oldest civilizations. Right now many museum artefacts that are like 6,000 years old, books and documents are just lying randomly in the basement. [s]

We didn't go there for the artifacts though. We went to help the local women knit some military camouflage nets. I don't know if they will be any good but it felt good to be a part of this.[s]

Day 20: There's hope that war ends within a week or two since Russian forces have exhausted their resources, losing about a 1/3 of its army already. But each day is innocent lives lost.

The 6-year old loves to read and she reads everything she sees. You have to be careful though coz today she came over to me and bagan to read the headline on the monitor "As of today, 97 children have died in the war" I manged to scroll the page just in time.

The little one doesn't really seem to realize what is going on. Or so we thought. Today she hid from me and told me she teleported to Kiev. When I asked her what she was doing there, she said she killed all the tanks there so we can now go home.

Day 24: I feel more angry and upset than I ever was since the start of war. Our troops miraculously pushed the Russians away form the cities but we can't stop the planes and missiles. Our cites are being leveled. Burned to the ground. People are dying.

The West promised us help but they mostly sent old useless stuff. We badly need aircraft and anti-missile systems to fight back. The West won't give us any or only agrees to give it in exchange for something better. What's the use of NATO and UN if they just stand by and watch?

Day 31: It seems like Russian lost hope of capturing Kiev and focused on the East instead. Maryana (6 yo) with her family left for Kiev today but I decided to stay for longer and make sure it's safe.

Day 38: After 5 weeks in the country, I finally came home today. Hopefully, to stay. It's not 100% safe yet, but nowhere is right now. The road was long and every mile was secured with anti-tank "hedgehogs" and stoic men from the volunteer militias.

Day 40: The Northern front, including Kiev region, has been liberated. It brought relief but also immense pain at the horrors found there. Many people wonder how Hitler and his people managed to commit all the atrocities. This is how.

It's good waking up in your own bed. You can lie in bed for some time and pretend that everything was but a terrible dream.

Day 41: The first few days back home were a nervous wreck but turns out you can get used to things very quickly, even things like sirens several times a day, iron anti-tank hedgehogs outside your window, military men and women everywhere. It's all fine when you know you are 99% safe.

Day 49: The war is stalling but that's somehow even worse as the news all deal with the horrors found in liberated towns. Every day a new mass grave discovered, often just miles from here. Grief is a life state now. I knew humanity can get ugly but never so close to home.

Day 51: The infamous battle ship finally went where it was directed but it got them really pissed off, so we went from 1 siren a day back to 5. Whatever. The embassies who fled before the war even started are coming back and the "hedgehogs" beneath my window are gone.

Day 53: I'm not a military expert and I've never been patriotic, but with the stuff our army's pulling in the past 7 weeks, I'd expect NATO to beg us to enter. Especially considering they expected us to fail within days.

Day 62: Descended into the vault the other day. In the month we've been away, it hasn't changed much. The only additions were a lightbulb and crates with gas masks from I assume the WWII? Hopefully, we won't need them any more. [s]

Day 64: The situation is stable. Battles continue but we're holding our ground. The next few weeks will be decisive. All I hope for is that the besieged civilians will get evacuated, our army will handle the rest.

Spent over 2 hours bracing ourselves from the threat of air strikes. Two explosions were heard, several blocks away. Talk about a ruined evening.

Day 65: Wait, US… you can't give us 1 fighter jet but Taliban gets 78? That's lovely. [s]

Haven't listened to NEWS in weeks. Though uplifting songs is their thing, they're the "you can pass this test!" songs, not "you can survive this genocide!" type.

Day 71: After a few quiet days, it's now sirens for hours a day. The Russians target the railroads and supply lines and try to delay the delivery of the weapons from the West.

I tend to forget the pandemic is still going on. You see, here in Ukraine it ended on February 24. No more masks and mandates. Not a word of it. Thanks, Russia.

Day 73: Russia is poised to celebrate Victory Day so it could announce war and mobilization, claim the territory it already captured, attack Moldova, … idk nuke something? It's the world's shittiest lottery and I'm not sticking around to see the grand reveal.

Day 77: Nothing apocalyptic happened on May 9. It's almost disappointing, really. In the country, with all the bloom and without even the sirens, you tend to forget there's a war going on and it feels wrong. So I'm back home again.

Day 80: They say it's now a war of attrition. At best, we'll be able to counter-attack effectively in a month and it might take months more to reclaim our territory. The city is fairly safe but people still die from missiles once in a while. And I thought life was strange before.

The girl I was teaching Japanese before the war has become a refugee in France. Now I'm teaching her French.

Day 84: I had a dream where I was sitting on a bench with my mother at night, in an unfamiliar town, when missiles started falling right before our eyes, spreading fire, getting closer to us. We didn't run, there was no point. I prepared to die. They never reached us.

Day 87: Today is my birthday and the first to greet me today were Russian missiles announced by sirens. Thankfully, they were greeted in turn by Ukrainian air defence systems.

Day 90: It's been 3 months and the martial law has been extended to another 3 months. It's unlikely to end by then but… We just hope that 3 months from now, the war map will be a very different picture.

Day 92: The following month will be brutal, they say. The landlease will give us weapons but it can take a month or more for it to get here and another few weeks to get the training. Until then, it will just be more death and destruction every day without much gains.

Day 94: At least 30k Russian soldiers lost their lives trying to conquer my land. How many more?

Day 95: Today is City Day, the annual Kyiv festival. I totally forgot about it and I never really loved my city - it's messy and ugly. But today I'm just happy the city still stands.

"They are worse than the Nazis" is not a phrase you expect to hear from multiple elderly people, well, ever.

Day 101: at this point half my mind wants to forget about everything and pretend it's business as usual and the other half feels really guilty about that.

I wouldn't say interactions between people have changed much but these days when you make a deal at online shops, many wish you "a peaceful sky". And it's more than a pleasantry.

Day 102: Just when we started to feel safe, thinking the city's defence systems can hold any strike, 5 missiles crashed over the city. They were sent from the fucking Caspian sea, some 1,5-2k km away. No casualties, but then I think it was just a power move.

Day 106: I can recognize the voices of various military analysts mom is watching in the next room by now and I wish I didn't.

Day 111: Relatives in Russia say "Hope it ends soon." They don't get it. It never ends. Even if by some miracle the West gives us enough weapons and we push back, it won't end. This is just the beginning and there's no escape from it.

Day 112: If you listen to foreign politicians, you'd think we're getting a fuckton of weapons but we're not. It's just talk, stalling, more talk and more stalling. And here we're losing our best day after day.

Day 121: Yesterday we were granted EU candidate status. It's great news though right now it's hard to feel joy and gravity of the moment.

Day 122: "The Russians kept me up all night" got a whole new meaning lately. 48 fucking rockets...

Day 123: Woke up at about 6.30 from the swishing sound followed by explosion, 3 more followed. Today we met Russian "Caliber" missiles.

Day 134: After about 5 quiet days, 3 nights of terror. It's the world's shittiest lottery - every time it's over you're glad it didn't hit your city but wonder if someone died somewhere else.

One of the nation's favourite shows now is "interviews with Russian soldier captives". It's simply amazing how out of 200+ men, not one shot or shelled anyone. Every single one of them is a confused innocent bystander. It's tragic, really.

Day 141: Some days you can phase off the war, shield yourself and try to find some good. And days like today you can't. You just hurt, wondering how much longer? When will you wake up and not see reports of how many babies died from the shelling. When does this nightmare end?

Day 150: Poor UN leaders so proud of their historic deal, a diplomatic triumph. We knew better.

Day 155: Three alarms this morning, back to back, and one more at noon. The explosions were outside the city but I still heard them. A charming midsummer morning.

At night I try to escape to the world of adventure and magic and then I wake up to the world of destruction, murder, rape and torture.

Day 167: They really need to stop smoking near the air bases. Bad for tourism.

Day 181: Two national holidays in a row, which is practically asking Russia to shell the fuck out of us. Surviving the day feels a little too literal.

Day 182: Today is Ukraine's Independence Day. It also marks 6 months of the war. Russia made sure to congratulate us with massive shelling. How considerate. Never cared about the holiday but today I'm just glad we exist.

We survived another day. Except those of us who didn't. Alarms went off all day long, in some cities up to 14 times. I am so exhausted I barely function, sleep-deprived and nauseous. But there's nothing to do but keep going.

Day 183: The day went by quietly. No wonder, shelling a large country all day must be exhausting. Scumbags need rest too.

Day 187: We're counter-atacking! We're actually counter-fucking attacking for real! Blessed be the day. There is hope yet.

Day 195: Over 50k Russian soldiers died in these lands and I fear there shall be a lot more.

Day 197: We're taking it back. South and East, village by village we're taking our land back. I haven't felt this joyful in a long time.

Day 214: There has been some terrific news and some terrible as well. But what is clear is that the end is nowhere to be seen and that terrifies me.

Day 229: Woke up to missiles hitting the city centre. We thought we were safe here but looks like that was an illusions. There are massive strikes all over the country, perhaps the biggest in the war. Power outages and deaths.

Day 230: Another 5-hour alarm but Kyiv wasn't hit. It's light compared to the 84 missiles yesterday. Street lights are out at night for safety and saving energy. Hopefully, we won't have to resort to mass power outages.

Day 236: Not a boring day goes by. I already knew what missiles sounds like. Now it's fucking Iranian kamikaze drones. For the record, it's kinda like a deranged landmower that shoots fireworks.

Day 237: The government says to prepare for the worst. The power outages could get severe. That could mean no light, no water and no heating. Not to mention the internet. And here I thought it was bad.

I just want to skip to the part where Netflix makes a drama series about the war and foreign artists come here to make pretentious grungy videos.

Day 241: More massive strikes. Millions of people are left without power. I almost feel bad I haven't had any blackouts in recent days.

Day 250: Monday mornings are seldom pleasant but lately they became massive shelling days. Ukraine needs no Halloween. It's fucking scary every day.

Never thought I'd feel so privileged to have power and water and internet to keep my low-paying job. Though things can get worse any moment.

80% of people in the capital are without water, and many without power. Fuck this shit.

Day 252: You have to condition yourself to not mind the explosions without prior alarms. They are probably just planned detonations of the unexploded rockets. Probably.

Day 253: There's just one thing that is certain: no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse. Today a pipe broke in mother's bedroom, we were ankle deep in water. Spent 1,5 scooping in out with pans. Everything's wet now. Still, it could be worse.

Running around the apartment ankle deep in warm water is the closest thing I got to a holiday this year.

Day 257: Every day is a weird day these days. You think what to get for dinner but also what to do if the city's power grid is destroyed entirely.

Day 262: It started out as a lovely day. Now, alarms and more missiles on the way. And it was pretty expected. They wouldn't just let Kherson slide.

Day 265: One of the worst days of the war so far. The biggest shelling yet. 90 missiles and 10 drones. It was terrifying. And thing are gonna get even tougher. Electricity has become a privilege, not a given.

Day 269: It's been nearly 9 months and I'm the most anxious I've been. The constant stress pushed down the mental and physical health. And it's only bound to get worse. I still have power and heating but it could be gone any day and the winter hasn't even started…

Day 274: Another massive shelling yesterday left me without power for over 24h and partly without water. It seems the energy infrastructure is hanging by a thread and so does my health and sanity. Don't know how much more damage I can sustain. But what do you do?

It's weird living in power saving mode. Half the time half the city doesn't work. You make your way outside, trying not to break your neck in the dark in the snow only to find shops, pharmacies and post offices closed or semi-functioning.

Day 294: Woke up at 6.30 AM from a massive explosion close to us. It went on for 3 hours. Fucking drones. Thankfully, it seems like they're just debris and nobody died. Another lovely morning in town.

Day 296: Woke up to sirens and no power. Another 4 hours of massive shelling. Now there's no heating too. But it's not too bad. Kharkiv's infrastructure is basically destroyed. And I thought the week was going bad before…

Day 297: Another country-wide alarm. This time is was just cheap intimidation. Actually, very expensive intimidation. But you start to forget what peaceful mornings feel like.

Day 299: Waking up to explosions is really starting to get old.

Social anxiety is such a luxury. I used to have the "making a phonecall" kind once. Now it's mostly "I wonder if I'll get murdered in my bed by an Iranian drone" kind.

Day 300: 12 hours without power. Had a feeling my luck would run out eventually. And it can still get worse.

Day 301: I quit my job. It was a long time coming and felt natural, especially since the total blackout the next day. It was not sustainable among other things. Things keep getting harder but at least I won't have to worry about that anymore. Sure not gonna miss it. Can't decide what I hated writing more: Economist-worthy texts for $1.5 a piece or texts about Taylor Swift's cats while hearing explosions outside.

Day 302: It's Winter Solstice. I don't care about Christmas but this day is worth celebrating. It means we have survived the darkest day of the year.

Day 303: There are already over 100k dead Russians in the war. What a waste of lives. Meanwhile, we're bracing for another massive strike. Christmas seems like a fitting time for it.

Just learned that the Kyiv Trolleybus network is the largest in the world. Or was. The city decided to suspend it for now, along with the trams, to save power.

The city is crippled. My post office had power for just few hours in days so they couldn't do much. My local mini-market was cast in darkness, with confused employees escorting you with flashlights. Some shops have generators but only for light, not freezers. Normalcy is gone.

Day 305: Tried to get myself into a somewhat Christmassy mood but the sound of sirens drown my merry music.

This isn't the worst war the humanity has seen but it's the most public one yet. There has never been so much destruction and death so well documented. On the one hand, it's a good thing, but on the other, it makes it so much more painful to live through.

Day 309: Another waking up at 5 am to alarms. A generous 69 missiles from Russia. Most shot down but we heard probably the loudest explosion yet, even if not the most violent.

Day 311 (Dec 31): Generosity is giving when you have little left. Thanks, Russia, for your precious missiles. We appreciate the gesture.

Today there isn't much to celebrate and much to mourn. At least we survived another year. I don't expect 2023 to be good. I just hope it's a little less terrible. Happy New Year, world! I wish for you to never go through what we are facing every day.

Day 312: 32 drones over Kyiv. All shot down. Fuck Santa. Hail the military, utility workers, medics and rescue teams.

Day 320: Just when it seems like things might be getting better, a new enemy appears - a debilitating chronic condition that you thought long defeated. Have fun getting your body to function.

2022 was absolute horrible. And yet, somehow not the worst year of my life. There's no hell like the one that opens up inside of you.

Day 325: It's been quiet for over a week now but guess they made some more of those big blasty thingies because the day has not been fun so far.

Day 335: The past 2 weeks have been mostly quiet but there's no peace of mind whatsoever. I'm trying hard to recover and brace for things ahead but wounds don't heal, they fester.

Day 358: Got a little freaked out looking out the window tonight. It took a few seconds to comprehend what was off. Instead of the usual gaping darkness, the street is now lit. It feels too bright almost.

Got too cocky, I guess. At night 36 missiles were launched and now we have no water, none. We can't have good things. Oh, there goes another one.

Day 359: Trams and trolleys are back! The city is coming back to life again. But so are the shellings.

Day 362: People in the street were complaining about all the city centre being restricted. Turns out it's Joe coming to visit.

Day 366: It's been a year. I remember waking up to sirens but nothing else of that day. I only hope this anniversary is first and last.

#ukraine war #russia ukraine war #war on ukraine

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turnaroundroundround · 3 years ago

Text

Opera References in Musical Yuukoku no Moriarty Op. 2

Some thoughts of mine after re-watching Morimyu Op. 2, regarding Irene's arc A Scandal in British Empire, about all the opera references and some random thoughts that come to mind during this arc. Obviously there's a lot more to Morimyu Op. 2, for instance The Two M's and Mycroft's solo (which I often refer to as "the Mycroft Anthem" lol), the entire Baskerville arc, and the train arc, and so on. And there's a whole lot of other things I'd like to discuss about them as well, but maybe just save it for another time. I don't know if anyone has discussed these references before, and I am not entirely a pro in music either. All I have is some basic knowledge on opera and harmony, so these are just some personal impression that came to mind when I watched this arc, so please keep it in mind.

A SCANDAL IN BRITISH EMPIRE

Okay, so the biggest motivation for this post is, obviously, the music throughout the entire Scandal arc. It is heavily influenced by opera, partly because Irene herself is an opera singer, partly also because the masquerade ball itself is also a perfect stage for an opera to be shown. And the opera was not simply brought in to make the music sound good, but also utilising the plot of the opera itself to create more depth and color to the musical. About Opera during the 19th Century Some side notes. Opera has originated and developed from various different kinds of stage ever since the Greek and Romans. I'm not going into details but anyway, by the 19th Century, it's still somewhat of a luxury that is mostly meant for nobles and people with high status. There are millions of stories about nobles coming to the theatre only to enjoy the music and not the play itself, or not really watching anything but waiting to see their favourite opera singer. Like when the other things in the play are going on, they stay in there box or hang out with other nobles, playing cards and all, and when their favourite singer makes her debut, they come to the front of the box and watch her. Then they return to their games when she exits. All the luxuries. Opera is really something that is meant for nobles and those with nothing but time and money on their hand back then. And another thing is (with an image that I quickly searched on Google just now lol) back them before any stages there is always a pit for the orchestra to be in. They are just below the stage so that the music can still reach the audience as equally, but also low enough that they aren't in the way of the audience's view.

By the way, the role of the conductor and stage director back then was somewhat a blur (if I remember it correctly), as the music writer would very often himself direct the entire stage and become the conductor on the performance day. In case something goes wrong, such as actors need more time to adlib, then he knows how to direct the orchestra to play accordingly. It's quite a small detail, but in Op. 3 Liam also refers to himself (yes this is still about Yuumori lol) as the maestro, somewhat very similar to the role of the conductor himself. This reference, as we can see, shows Liam's role behind the scene conducting all the plots and instructions. It's quite a small detail I think, but also quite interesting

By the way, the leading singer, or Prima Donna (as they call Irene), are always sopranos. And the same goes for Irene Adler, all of her songs were written to highlight her soprano voice, like in 大作戦ーDaisakusen or her song with Ms. Hudson

An example from a song that I was reminded of when listening to Cecile!Irene. Of course there are many other songs we can talk about, this is just one of the examples.

Obviously, Irene's song aren't entirely like classical opera songs. They were all arranged to both highlight the opera feature, but also to suit the form of the musical and all the while showing Irene's elegant and gracious manners of a prima donna, and also showing her playful side especially during her duet with Sherlock.

YAMI NO OPERA - DON GIOVANNI BEHIND THE CURTAIN

To understand Don Giovanni references, it's essential to understand the story behind the original opera by Mozart. That being said, the actual plot of the story is quite long and contains so many details it's almost impossible to fit all of them into one post while also comparing them with the one in Morimyu, so this is a link to a more detailed synopsis of the opera. Or you can also read more on wiki. I'll just give some basic details that are referenced and discussed in this post. Overall impression: This opera revolves around a playboy that flirts with women, but lacking in loyalty and commitment to keep any of his promises to them. By the end of the play, after all the sin he has committed, Don Giovanni is engulfed in hell's fire, and punished for his sin. It is very much similar to the story in Morimyu, nobles relying on their wealth and status and have the freedom to do anything as they want, without having to worry about having to bear the consequence. Because of the difference in power and status, it is almost impossible to punish all of them, therefore having a need of a "demon" to punish them with powers that no human have - the role of Moriarty gang within the play.

In this arc, Liam is "directing" a play that is inspired by Don Giovanni. His audience is Irene Adler (and of course us who is watching the entire thing), and the main character is Lorinson who ends up being punished for his crime. Mozart's Don Giovanni is being performed on stage, but at the same time Liam's "Don Giovanni" happens, in the back stage. What we are watching as the main stage is actually the "back stage" of the real story.

In the original play, Don Giovanni was a playboy that flirts with many women. At the beginning of the play, he flirts with a woman called Donna Anna, and her father tried to defend his daughter. They got involved in a duel and Don Giovanni killed the man. Donna Anna mourns and wish to avenger her father.

In Morimyu, the story of Lord Lorinson (pardon me for not knowing both the translation of his title and his name) is added in spite of the original plot in the manga. As far as my Japanese comprehension goes, the story is that Lord Lorinson is also one that uses his status to abduct other women to his pleasure, and ends up treating them poorly.

At one point, a woman came to the Lord of Crime, saying that her daughter has been murdered by the noble and mourns her. She wishes for revenge, and Liam proceed to do so.

Don Giovanni - Act I Finale

During Moran and Louis' fight with Raymond(?), in the section behind the stage we can see the opera theatre with the Finale song going on. The ensemble is still singing as the fight goes on behind them.

youtube

In the Finale of Act 1 here, the section that was insert into Morimyu was rather short, and was meant for a dramatic effect than actually showing what's happening in the original opera anyway. But anyway, we can see that as the fight proceeds, the curtain behind also slowly closes, ending the first Act of the opera.

It's clearer here. We can see that as they are fighting there is an entire opera going on at the back. The fact that the ensemble has their back to the audience emphasises how everything we're seeing are all in the backstage, but at the same time it proceeds alongside with all the events in the "mainstage". It's quite a powerful image.

At one point in the opera, Don Giovanni attends a party where he met one of his previous lovers that he betrayed. Then there's some talking and such and more betrayal, and somehow he then decides that he would also flirt with his ex's maid.

There isn't much that I have to say with this reference in the play, only that it is actually Fred disguising as a maid for the purpose of carrying out the plan and scared the sh*t out of Lorinson lol

I couldn't catch all the details from their conversation, but apparently Fred did some kind of stand-in again as the victim who was murdered by Lorinson, also to provoke him and lead him into Liam's trap?

At the end of the opera, Don Giovanni was cornered by the 'devil', drowning him in the flames of hell. However before that happens, the women that Don Giovanni once flirted with (as well as Donna Anna whose father was murdered by Don Giovanni) gathered, chasing after Leporello - Don Giovanni's servant - who exposed him of his guilts and sins.

The song that the women sung in this scene is "Ah, dov'e il perfido?", and there is a very small section at the end of the song that was kind of re-arranged and added to Morimyu. In Morimyu, this is the scene when Lorinson is exposed of what he is done, after that being "punished" by the devil. There is also a scene in the play when Liam mentions 地獄の炎 - Jigoku no Hono (The Flames of Hell) which is a direct reference from the original Don Giovanni. In fact, what he has been telling Lorinson is the story of Don Giovanni and how he ends up being punished - only that when Lorinson realised that, it's already too late.

(A reference from the song in the original play, the section that is used in Morimyu is actually quite short, only starting from around 5:40 within the song in this video)

youtube

In Yami no Opera, the song is arranged with Liam's part of the melody above the entire harmony. So it is indeed a proper opera that "Liam" has based on re-arranged to carry out his plan.

While Don Giovanni is happening on stage, there is also another "Don Giovanni" being punished by the devil - Lorinson. We hear part of the original song from the ensemble in the background, and also Liam's version of the punishment along with Lorinson's struggle. And at the same time the ensemble does seem to be focusing on "Don Giovanni" - all of them looking towards Liam's and Lorinson's position. A really impressive scene.

And after that very short section, the play goes on, returning their focus back to Irene Adler and Albert's conversation. There is no "Flames of Hell" erupting in any ways except for Liam's really strong section of the Yami no Opera song. And there's no need for it, I think, as Lorinson has never been the real protagonist like Don Giovanni. Liam only made him a temporary "protagonist" and not solely for the purpose of exposing him, but only as a mean to show Irene the true identity of the Lord of Crime. So there is no point making it more dramatic than it already is.

So...

That's pretty much all that I have to say about Don Giovanni and opera's reference, I think?

Well another thing, maybe, is how much I love the instrumental arrangement for violin and piano in Morimyu. They don't have the privilege of having an entire orchestra, but instead they did as much as they could for the instruments so that they recreate the original opera vibe as well as they possibly can. And the result is, just, extraordinary.

Anyhow, I've heard many of my friends comparing the songs from Op. 2 and Op. 3, seeing that Op. 3 has more of a "flow" in between the songs as all of them were written with harmony such that they have a certain connection to each other.

Not that Op. 2 doesn't do the same thing. However the second Opus does feel more separated, I think, since the music in the 3 different arcs are much more different. For instance the Baskerville arc has a "hunting" vibe to it, describing Moriarty gang's plan to bring down the nobles' game of hurting children, while the final Scandal arc revolves around an opera singer and mostly happens within a masquerade ball. So there is a big difference between the scenes, and obviously a big difference in the music brought to them as well.

Aaaand, that's pretty much all the details I've picked up (and remembered lol) up to this point.

Anyway, I've been watching and re-watching all 3 Opus of Morimyu many times, each time firguring out something else that I haven't noticed before. So if I end up realising some other details within this arc, maybe I'll come back and add to this post.

Thank you for reading ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

Also, thank you @rikaaki for these beautiful gifs(☆▽☆)

#musical yuukoku no moriarty #yuukoku no moriarty #william james moriarty #morimyu #yuumori #Youtube

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heymeowmao · 3 years ago

Photo

2022.05.13 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324768730725876343

Simply chat for a while, no spending the new year~

- brought his equipment with him to Changsha, bc he’ll be staying a while :)

C: Are you filming for the variety show today? LYN: Not today. But ZSX has seven CFs to do, and I also was able to get a couple for myself. If I’m not able to keep up I don’t think we can be friends anymore. It’s hard for people of different social statuses to become/stay friends, you know.

C: I’m not used to this angle. LYN: You obviously don’t care about me. You don’t normally care about what I’m doing at all. I’m currently in Changsha. It’s not the same place I usually stream from- that’s Hengdian. Even the housing prices are different, do you think the streaming angle wouldn’t be as well?

C: Are we spending the new year together? LYN: Do you not even look at my caption? It’s written there very clearly that we’re not spending the new year. I can’t give my friends the habit of staying up at night. I already said that we’re not spending the new year and you’re still here asking. You clearly don’t care, I hate that kind of person.

C: When are you going to cut your hair really short? LYN: Why are you all so interested in my hair?? Don’t a lot of girls say that they’ll leave their hair short/long for you (a boy)? They’ll usually say, “I’ll keep my hair long for you.” But I’m not saving it for anyone. I never made a promise to you. I like it long, so I keep it long. If I like it short, I’ll keep it short. Why do you care so much about my hair? Are you a barber? It has nothing to do with you. I’m keeping it long for myself. I can’t believe you all can be hung up on my hair for so long, I gotta hand it to you.

- explaining that streaming from the notebook won’t be the same as streaming from his desktop, so the video quality and overall experience might not be as good as it is when he’s at home.

C: The background looks fake. LYN: It’s a green-screen.

LYN: :| I’m seeing a lot of people commenting on my hair- they don’t like it when it’s long. I guess you can’t watch my guzhuang dramas, then. I have long hair in those. You’re not going to watch them? C: I’m a new fan; I’ve never seen you with short hair. LYN: You’ll get the chance eventually.

C: You’re streaming in the hotel, but doesn’t that bother other people? LYN: It’s not like I’m shouting?? I’m not singing, either. I’m just sitting here. Is there some rule that says if you’re staying at a hotel you can’t even speak?? LYN: Also, this hotel’s full of artists- the downstairs is full of paparazzi. Obviously, they aren’t there to shoot me. I’m not popular. They’re here to shoot the other people. Here in Changsha, people come to film for variety shows- there are a few going on at the same time right now. There are only so many hotels that are close enough to the Hunan Satellite TV Station, so all the artists are gathered together. The paparazzi are here to take pictures of the Sisters Who Make Waves jiejie-s, and happened to have included me. They’re look, “Who is this, so tall? Oh, it’s Liu Yuning. Okay, let’s take some shots of him, too.” C: Have you met anyone you’re close with? LYN: Not really. I don’t really get out much, unless I have some work to do. After work, I just go home. I don’t really hang out.

C: It’s my first time catching it live. LYN: I saw that today was Friday and thought that you might not have anything going on, so I decided to stream a bit. I’m afraid that when I start shooting for the variety show we’re going to wrap up really late and I won’t have the chance to stream. I came all the way out here- and brought all my equipment- I’ll feel like it’s a waste if I don’t stream at least once.

Rumors:

C: You didn’t meet up with YCY? LYN: Stop bringing her up, my friends. Right now I have to “avoid evil”. It’s alright if you talk about me, but it’s not right to talk about her behind her back- she’s just a small girl. C: What’s wrong? LYN: People are making up some rumors, you know. I’m joking about the “avoiding evil” part. She came here to shoot for her shows, but the two of us have been chatting more in our group chat because the drama’s about to air.

LYN: Let me tell you something about shooting dramas that’s really awkward. Usually after a drama finishes shooting, it’ll air about a year later. There are a lot of dramas- I’m sure you all know- where there’s a long cooling period.* [he uses the phrase: 人走茶凉; lit. people leave and tea cools] Some dramas air 1-1.5 (or longer) years after they’re filmed. And then the two leads, helplessly, have to get together again for interviews or to promote the drama. Honestly, they’re not that close to each other. I’m sure they were close during filming, but after 1.5 years of no contact, you suddenly want them to pretend to be good friends- it’s hard. When they’re being interviewed one question they will inevitably be asked is, “Do you have any fun stories from filming together on set?” Honestly, we can’t think of anything. It’s been more than a year later! No matter how funny or interesting the story was at the time, you’re not necessarily going to remember it later. You know? It’s really hard on the artists, answering this question. They have to work hard to remember details, like: “Where was this drama filmed again? It’s a guzhuang, so it must have been Hengdian. What was the drama about now... I forgot.” It’s really hard. At the most artists film for 2 or 3 dramas a year- you want them to remember something that happened on a specific set?? It’s difficult. The scripts just keep coming, too. LYN: The good thing is that our group- including Baron Chen- have kept up contact. We became really good friends through this drama. It’s great, because when it comes time for us to promote the drama, we won’t have any difficulty trying to remember fun things that happened to us. We won’t feel awkward or unfamiliar when promoting together, either. If they can’t remember, I’ll remind them.

LYN: Anyway- why I told that friend not to mention YCY. It’s funny- F-F relationships are fine but anything involving M-F relationships will cause you trouble. I was scrolling through a app and saw an article about YCY arriving in Changsha; but they also caught her manager in the picture, too. The clothes her manager was wearing is the same as mine. So this person took this photo and made and article saying: “LYN & YCY are dating. Look at that. Because LYN and YCY’s manager are wearing the same brand/clothes.” I always happen upon articles that have to do with me- but when I saw this one I was dumbfounded. What crap logic is that?? I’m wearing the same clothes as her manager, so how- ????? If your rumor said that LYN and the MANAGER got together, that would be more believable- since they ARE wearing the same clothes, after all. The problem here is- if I’m wearing the same clothes as her manager, how does that prove that I’m dating YCY?? If the rumor was that I was dating her manager, I could understand- the rumor has some ground. But what sort of logic (makes you conclude that LYN & YCY are dating)???? Also, her manager’s male! C: That’s also nice to ship... LYN: Shut your mouth! I’m trying so hard to dispel rumors and here you are making more. >.<

LYN: My friends, let me explain WHY I was wearing the same clothes as her manager. There’s a real story here. I’ll confess to you today. It happened like this... This story starts about a week ago. That day, Baron Chen suddenly messaged me out of the blue, “I saw your reuters- you’re in Hengdian?” I confirmed I was, and asked if he was also in Hengdian shooting for Chinese Paladin 4. I said if he had time, we should get together for dinner. After I invited him, I was thinking I should ask Chaoyue, too. The three of us could eat out together. YCY and I talk to each other a lot online, but we rarely ever meet up. Just to prevent rumors from happening. I’m afraid to go out with any female artist because of this, too. Alright, so. This story starts from that get together. When Baron got to the restaurant- I was wearing a Chinese-style button up- he said, “Yuning, that really suits you. It give off an wuxia feel.” It went to my head- in addition to the little alcohol I had that night- I undressed and said, “I’ll give it to you!” I started unbuttoning immediately, and I gave it to him. “Here. I only wore it once. You can keep it as a souvenir.” I’m just like this- if someone likes something of mine, I will give it to them. I gave him the bracelet, too. He didn’t want it at first, but I told him to try it on. He did and it really suit him, as he’s a little broader than I am- so I gave it to him. The thing is I was only wearing a white undershirt, and I was thinking - I was suspecting - there would be paparazzi waiting for us. “Liu Yuning goes out for a meal and loses his clothes”?! He goes out with other artists for a meal and eats his clothes gone??? That’s not very good. So I took a scan of the other men with us and thought that YCY’s manager’s clothes were pretty nice. So I asked him if I could borrow it, and that I would return it to him tomorrow. He was nice and let me, so I put on his clothes. When we left there really were paparazzi waiting and got pictures of us. So, those clothes weren’t mine. They were YCY’s manager’s. We weren’t just wearing the same brand, we’re wearing the EXACT SAME CLOTHES. When I went out to eat that day I gave my clothes away to Baron Chen. [What Ning-ge was wearing: https://weibo.com/5456865382/LrFrUuJIW]

C: Ning-ge, the clothes you’re wearing right now are quite nice. LYN: Ehm... it has nothing to do with you. If you like it, buy your own. XD

LYN: I find it fun when rumors like these can become topics of conversations for my streams. It’s fun for me to explain to you, and you have fun listening. It’s all good. I see these things and smile- no, smirk- and then use them as material for my streams. Rumors are just so outrageous sometimes. How does me wearing the same clothes as her manager mean that I am dating her? I don’t get the logic.

Heroes (general drama info):

LYN: Whether YCY, CCH, or ZSX- it’s really rare for you to make so many friends from one drama. We really haven’t lost contact this past year either. Our relationship is great! So I hope that you can stay away from /don’t partake in rumors. Even if I don’t explain them, even if one of them explains them, the rumors will start to create a rift. It’s really awkward to have had a nice relationship with someone only for it to turn sour/awkward because of a rumor. I don’t mind, but the other two are younger and could have more complicated thoughts. I can understand, since I’m older than them by a bit.

LYN: I saw another article- YCY sent it into the chat- it said that “YCY looks down on LYN; Because YCY is currently making a change in her career.” I don’t know if you saw it- it said she looks down on me. She sent it into the group chat and said, “Ning-ge, I didn’t buy this topic. Please don’t get angry. We don’t argue over superiority here.” LYN: Even though YCY didn’t buy the topic, I still get unhappy when I see these articles. What do you mean I’m not worthy enough for her??? What do you mean she looks down on me??? LYN: Where am I lacking?!?

LYN: I’m sure you’ve seen it already, but the Heroes wb account shared three photos today. They contacted each of us, and asked us if we could post one photo each on 5/13. I asked, “What photo?” and they said the official character still, to help accommodate the promotion of the drama. I didn’t say it out loud, but I was thinking to myself, “What’s the point of posting one photo?” The Reuters have already posted hundreds of them, what use is one photo from each of us going to do? But I found out that they also posted some behind the scenes, which was good because people will see something new. C: This photo is obtained through proper channels. LYN: Oh, that’s true. C: Then post some more. LYN: I saw that comment, too. We posted one photo, and then ZSX’s studio also posted a bunch of others. We’re a little more into the details, here. We posted one photo, and then ZSX posted so many more... Do you think I don’t have any??? I could post that many if I wanted, too! But I won’t post them- they (ZSX & YCY) are children, after all. As an older brother- think about it. If ZSX posts them, and then my studio posts some... uh oh- the pressure’s on YCY now. I don’t see the need to torture each other like this. He’s the male lead, so if he wants to post a little more, then I’ll let him. I can’t leech off of him like that. Right? I’m waiting for him to get popular, and THEN I’ll leech. Of course, he is already “popular”; I’ll wait for him to “explode.”

LYN: I’m just trying to consider their feelings. I can’t just think of everything trying to find an angle for my own personal gain. ZSX’s the male lead, it’s a given that he would share some more pictures. Also, his pictures are well-received. I saw them and thought they looked very good! That’s including YCY- you’ll find that a lot of her looks will become hot topics. I don’t get the same reception. So I’ll just let them fight among themselves. When the drama airs later, you’ll see everything there is to post. There’s no use holding on to them- they’ll all get posted eventually.

C: Ning-ge, you look a little like Liu Yuning. LYN: You’re right. That’s me. I am Liu Yuning. LYN: Do you think I look like him? I don’t think so.

- someone in the comments asking what drama it is; it’s 说英雄谁是英雄, based off a novel. also please be understanding if some parts of the drama adaption does not adhere to the book: not everything in the novel COULD be transferred to the screen.

C: Director Li Muge. LYN: Yes, that’s right. He’s a great director. I think this drama was filmed in great detail/thoroughly. You’ve all heard that most dramas separate into two or three different filming groups. There are Groups A and B which is for content, and usually Group C is for fight scenes. Heroes only had one group. Our director filmed everything himself- even when we did the fight scenes he was there strictly monitoring us. I wasn’t really used to the single group- I was afraid we wouldn’t be able to wrap on time, but we finished up just fine.

LYN: I saw someone saying that our drama production had no money. As an actor, I can’t say that we didn’t. Also, people are saying that we were crying about our lack of funds. I don’t see the need- who would we cry to? It’s just facts. If you just look objectively, you could see for yourself whether we had funds or not. LYN: I was talking to the other two, and we agreed that no matter how the drama is promoted- usually when a drama starts promoting they get into the trending topics fairly quickly, I think this will be a little difficult for us- but we all agreed that we would do our best to promote the drama on our own. If we can get just one more viewer, that would be our fortune. LYN: I know that a lot of you watching right now are just passersby or other people’s fans, but I hope that if you’re watching my stream, when the drama airs you can give it a chance. If you like it, please continue watching. If you don’t then I won’t force you. But leave me some face and check it out, alright? Thank you.

LYN: There are a lot of characters in this drama, and each of their story-lines are just about complete. You know who they are, what they do, and why they appeared. It’s introduced very clearly. It’s not like other dramas where there are basically just a male lead and female lead. The genre is different. Each character has their own story, background, and personality- they are all unique identities. From the drama perspective, there may be a lot of separate threads. Generally, it is a male lead-centered drama though. If I remember ZSX had around 500+ scenes, and I had 300+ scenes- but this is before editing! I figure after editing I’ll be left only around 300? There’s a thing we say with editing: we can only cut, not add. Why? Because everything has finished filming already. XD

C: When is it airing? LYN: I can’t say for sure. Just.. keep a lookout. But I’m sure.. It’ll be very soon. :) C: Can it air on 520? LYN: How many times do you want me to repeat myself? D: I know that in your hearts I might be an amazing person, but in this industry I’m just an actor. I’m very lowly. Also, I’m only a supporting character. I don’t have the right to determine what day it will air. I can only ask for you. But even after I finish asking, I can’t tell you. So don’t make it hard for me, alright? Thank you.

C: I really like Director Li’s Rattan, too. LYN: Our Director... Director Li Muge. He’s so talented. He films very well. LYN: Also, you’ll find that our drama is really welcome to using fake blood. You’ll see in dramas that people get hurt, and they bleed- but not a lot. Like they’re afraid of getting the clothes dirty. Or, if they spit blood, only a little comes out. Not us- we can go through three buckets of blood a day. You’ll know when you see the drama. We sure can use it. LYN: Usually in dramas they will take a chopstick and just spread a line of blood on the clothes and that’s it. Not us. Director Li is going to put the blood on you himself. He takes a cup full and throws it on you. C: Can you still wash it out? LYN: He’s a director, what does he care if it can wash out or not? That’s the costume department’s problem. Every time, just before he throws the blood on me, he’ll say, “Xiao Ning. Did you know? Any actor who I’ve poured blood on gets really popular. Wait and see.” In that moment I was thinking, “Well, why don’t you throw some more on me, just for good measure.” Get another cup!

C: The official Heroes account is watching your stream. LYN: Really? They must be afraid I say something I shouldn’t. LYN: Are you monitoring me? Afraid that I’ll slip and tell everyone when it’s airing? XD C: Connect the mics. LYN: You must not be normal. Do you think ZSX is sitting behind there behind the official account? YCY? Director Li? They’re just here to help promote the drama, why would I connect with them? C: Call ZSX. LYN: You mean, you want me to get him here? I won’t. I already told you, ZSX’s only in it for the profit. He only comes when he has a drama airing, and then otherwise he won’t come to my stream. Someone took that and ran with it, saying, “See? The drama hasn’t aired yet and the 2ML is already stepping on the 1ML. LYN’s character is too appalling. He said ZSX is a profiteer.” Have you seen those articles? How sad. I can’t believe they would try to put a wedge between our good relationship. LYN: The last time I streamed I said that ZSX came when I was promoting JNZ for him, but never came back after that. I said he only came when it was profitable to him, and that when Heroes aired, he would HAVE to come. So, to that person who wanted me to call ZSX and tell him to come to my stream- I won’t. That makes it seem like I INVITED him to come. Who does he think he is? I’ll wait until he comes of his own free will. If he comes, he comes. If he doesn’t, there’s nothing I can do. We’ll just have to see how he does. :) C: If he doesn’t come, then we go curse him. LYN: LOL. What type of person are you? Everyone who watches my streams knows that I’m not ACTUALLY putting him down. We’re good friends, so I can make jokes. If I really were to hate on him- why should I? I’m not even his rival. There are certain categories in the entertainment world, we aren’t even in the same league. We’re not the same type. Whether that’s appearance, personality, or types of characters we play. We are not the same. He can never steal my work and I can never steal his. There’s no need for rivalry, here. C: Then, who IS ZSX’s rival? LYN: I can’t tell you that. LYN: I’m not hating on him, really. I’m just making jokes because we are close friends. If we’re not close I won’t even mention your name in my stream. The people I mention, I know their personalities and that they can take a joke.

C: Ning-ge, you have no rival either. LYN: I don’t know about that. From a live-streaming perspective, I truly have no rival- that’s true. Not to say that I’m so amazing, it’s just that no one else does it like I do. I can’t say the same for acting. I’m not very unique in that aspect.

C: Who’s that next to you? LYN: /looks left and right/ Did you just see someone? Don’t scare me. I’m in here alone. LYN: Did you just see the shape of a person flash by? LYN: I usually don’t let people in the room when I stream because it will affect my thought process.

LYN: ZSX will be here in a couple of days and in the meantime I can go shoot my own commercials. :) It’s nothing new- just things I owe people from before. I’ve been shooting in Hengdian for so long and was running behind on a lot of product sponsors- now that I’m in Changsha I’m going to make it all up to them.

C: Where’s Daimi? LYN: She’s in Hengdian, living together with my acting coach. They can’t go back to their home, so they’re taking care of Daimi for me. In a hotel.

C: The background looks so fake. LYN: ??? Do you really think the background is fake? It’s real! How could it be fake? - /grabs a water bottle/ LYN: Alright friends, look carefully. - /throws the water bottle & it hits the curtains/ LYN: I’m in reality. Do you think I’m in a xianxia drama right now? That I’ve hung up a green-screen? That my surroundings were too unclean, so I’ve set up a backdrop? I’m really sitting here- I’m in the hotel. It’s just because the camera is focused and the background looks blurry that you think it’s fake. C: You didn’t bring your water glass? LYN: I didn’t, no.

LYN: Speaking of Heroes, though. It’s going to air soon. Did you all see the special clip that was released today? C: Pick up your water. LYN: It’s okay, I have more. LYN: You all saw it though, right? I’m sure all of MY FANS have seen it. I was going to watch it together with you, but if you’ve all seen it then we can forget about it. // As soon as I said that you all say you haven’t seen it. LYN: Alright, then I’ll play it for you and we can watch together. It will help a lot of other people know of this drama’s existence, too. Don’t worry- when it starts airing I’ll be watching with you. I also have a lot of fun things planned- I’m sure my fans will be happy; I’ll have a lot of things to share during my streams. Let’s watch it together. - /splits screen and gives himself a tiny little box in the corner/

C: I’m looking forward to it!!! LYN: But not too much, alright? When you look forward to something a lot, it’ll end up giving you a surprise instead. Don’t look forward to it, but still watch it when it comes out, okay? C: But don’t NOT look forward to it too much.... LYN: That’s a hard thing to grasp. You can’t look forward to it, but you also can’t NOT. ?__? Don’t look forward to it, but also do. There’s a fine line. In any case, please take a look at it when it’s out.

C: Did you sing an OST for it? LYN: I sang two- one with ZSX and another is my character song. C: What style is it? LYN: Jazz. A choir. What do you mean what style- it’s a guzhuang drama. Of course it’s going to be gufeng style. A little rock, a little traditional instruments. If you really get jazz in there... it’d be weird.

LYN: Again, this drama is a story of the jianghu, not wuxia. I’m also just a viewer, so let me say this from a viewer’s experience- a lot of dramas will say that they are wuxia genre, but will also get ridiculed precisely because they gave themselves that label. They can SAY they’re a wuxia drama but have no elements that a wuxia drama SHOULD HAVE. So lots of dramas nowadays are afraid to call themselves “wuxia” dramas. It’s normal. Dramas that label themselves as guzhuang-wuxia will get cursed at. That’s why most just call themselves “guzhuang-idol” dramas. LYN: Our drama isn’t afraid that people aren’t going to think it’s “wuxia” enough and therefore has taken to calling ourselves “jianghu”- it’s REALLY just a jianghu drama! Why? It’s not like the typical wuxia dramas. From the first day of filming, we were told it was more about the relationships between sects- it’s like a guzhuang version of... a modern day drama I will not name. Someone actually guessed it right. A guzhuang version of OOO. Ours is a story about brotherhood and fighting between sects. It’s true that the style is more wuxia, but the content is all jianghu. What is “jianghu”? “Jianghu” isn’t fighting and killing, it’s relationships and ways of the world. LYN: Also, the novel isn’t like, for example, Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils. In all these stories it’s the same old story of suddenly coming into power- I wandered into an old cave and it was full of secrets of martial arts. I didn’t want to learn, but I was inexplicably trapped in this cave. I might as well learn a thing or two. And then when I leave the cave, I become super amazing. One day you get punished by your master to cultivate in isolation in a cave. You go, and the walls are full of secret techniques. There are always these strange circumstances. For example, you’re just walking and then you get hurt. You find a place for shelter and it’s just an orchard with a funny old man. You think he’s kind of strange, but brush it off. When you want to leave, the old man suddenly passes down all his power to you. LYN: That’s how all these novels go- but our novel is not like this. All of our characters are at their highest levels from the start. [t/n: likens it to gaming, where you buy an account that’s decked out to the max, where all you have to do is play.] C: I don’t understand. LYN: Watch the drama later, you’ll understand then.

C: Who has the most power? LYN: I don’t know. I don’t dare say. I remember there used to be fan-wars over “who would beat who in a fight”- I don’t want to get involved. I also don’t want to say that Bai Choufei is the strongest, because there are a lot of book fans and then the fans of Xiao Shi (ZSX’s character) might get up in arms about it. But if I say that Xiao Shi is stronger than Bai Choufei, BCF’s fans will come for me. LYN: This is like asking who’s stronger between Sun Wukong and the God of Thunder. LYN: Probably the strongest character is Guan Qi. No one can beat him, and he was later taken away by aliens. Our crew spent a lot of money for the UFO. XD No- I’m joking. He was taken away by aliens in the novel, but do you really think we can put that on film? That’d be too weird- a UFO suddenly appears in a guzhuang drama. So we used a different method- we had to edit a bit. C: Who’s Guan Qi? LYN: He’s an important character in the novel/drama. He counts as a boss, I guess. LYN: For me personally, though. If I had to say who is the best... well, from the novel- it would be the main character, right? Su Mengzhen (Baron Chen) is also really powerful. He’s known around the world, right? But he has a problem- his survivability rate. He can kill everyone on scene, but at the cost of his own life- he’ll need to take three months to recover before he can fight again. I think Wang Xiaoshi’s pretty powerful, though. Whether he can beat Sun Wukong or not though, is hard to say.

C: Who’s more powerful between Bai Choufei and Zhuo Bufan? LYN: That’s really hard to say. I have nothing to compare them to. If you ask me who’s poorer, it’s definitely going to be ZBF. Whose foundation shade is darker? That’s ZBF, too.

-- bathroom break (neighbors are fighting, but he’s in a hotel full of other artists) LYN: They weren’t fighting. It was the Sisters Who Make Waves- preparing for their third performance. The sounds a little loud, so I thought they were fighting. C: Which celebrities? LYN: I can’t reveal that. I knocked on their door and asked politely. They’re prepping for their performance.

LYN: Did the Heroes Official Account leave? My friends? Are they gone? It’s normal for them to have left, because I just said that the drama production didn’t have money. They probably heard that and left. It wasn’t on purpose- I was just trying to get some pity points. LYN: Oh, they’re still here! I thought you left, but you’re still here. Still here.... /fake cries/ We really have no money, friends. :’( LYN: I mean that comparatively, though. We still have the money to promote when we need to. Didn’t Bai-laoshi also share the Heroes weibo today? Honestly speaking, this drama has nothing to do with him. he’s from Linghe Ent., and Heroes is a Linglong production. Even though they both have “ling-” in them, they’re not related at all. What happened was the CEO of Linlong, Jia Nan-laoshi- they have a group chat full of directors and producers and he sent a red packet into that chat. Do you think we don’t have money? If we didn’t would he be able to send a red packet?? Right? Anyway- Bai-laoshi wasn’t really paying attention to what it was, but was able to snatch the red packet up. The condition was that whoever got the red packet would have to promote the drama. Bai-laoshi doesn’t have a WeChat friend’s circle, so he posted on weibo instead. C: He regretted it after snatching it. LYN: I don’t know if he did. C: A 1RMB red packet. LYN: Probably not, right? That’s TOO poor. - defending the drama’s honor by saying that the video needed to be filmed, and edited and pictures need to be taken and edited, too. and all of that costs money. the crew isn’t poor. C: Did you say a line in the clip? LYN: Is my voice that unfamiliar to you?

LYN: We’re trying to go for voice acting all of my own roles. I heard that if actors don’t voice for themselves, they have to shell out the money for a voice actor. That’s terrifying. I saw that news and I didn’t really react. I was happy though, because if that were the case then I would be able to save some money (by doing his own voice acting). Later on I would be able to meet some director and tell them I MUST do my own voice acting or else I won’t do the role. Because I have no money to pay for my own voice actor. C: The director will want to switch actors. LYN: So, the thing about voice acting was- in the beginning I asked the director if I could do my own voice acting. He said, “No.” ... I never thought he would reply like that! We had finished shooting more than half the drama when I asked if I could do my own voice acting. Usually, directors will say, “Yeah, okay. You want to do your own voice acting? That’s great!” They will usually reply like that, at least in my imagination. But this one said, “No way.” I was baffled. I asked him why. Don’t directors usually cheer you on and support you when you say you want to do you own voice? But this one said no way. He said it was because the viewers were too familiar with our voices, and were afraid that viewers wouldn’t be able to view us in-character. I replied, “Well... alright, then.” LYN: I know a lot of my fans will want to argue and say that the director just didn’t WANT me to. It’s true that to some extent the director might not have acknowledged my abilities, that’s fine. I’m a new actor. But I often do think about what I need to do to be able to voice my own roles. Later they found a few VAs but didn’t think the voice fit well with my look. Maybe it’s because they became too used to hearing my voice. So then the director allowed me to. That was one and a half years ago. I’ve done three dramas since then! I’m sure I’ve gotten better at saying my lines since then.

C: Hao Du used your voice, too. LYN: Yes, it was. But honestly at that time I didn’t do very well. The good thing is- the fortunate thing is- I encountered the best situation at the best time. Hao Du was my very first guzhuang role. From beginning to end I didn’t really need very big emotions to act or voice him. Voice acting for Hao Du was considerably easy, and I had few lines. After Hao Du, was BCF, and then I’ve been doing my own voice acting since. C: He wouldn’t let you because you have the Dongbei accent. LYN: My streams are different. It’s true that I have a Dongbei accent when I stream, but not when I’m reciting lines! My Standard Mandarin is considerably better now. C: Let’s hear it. LYN: Why are you like my second aunt?? It’s like the New Year when your aunt drags you over to all your relatives and tells you to show them the dance you learned in school. Come on, recite that poem you were learning for us. My second aunt. Really... C: Do you have any certifications for your Mandarin? LYN: I’ve never taken any tests for it, no. But us Dongbei people have a disadvantage, which is we don’t distinguish between “s” and “sh”. It’s a bit of a struggle when reciting lines. LYN: I don’t have an accent when I sing, right?? /demonstrates/ Yeah, I don’t have it when I sing.

C: Talk about the variety. LYN: There’s really not much to say. I cam e to Changsha to shoot Detective Plan- we’re about ready to start shooting again. I know that a lot of people watching are just passersby- they’re not my fans, but they have a generally good impression of me. Right? I’m sure if you hated to see e you wouldn’t be here watching my stream right now. It’s fine if you think I’m pretty amusing and watch me for entertainment. So I guess people here count as my “video” fans. LYN: Get ready to activate your Tencent memberships for May. My variety COULD air and my drama also COULD air. It’ll be cost-efficient if you open a membership for this month. I’m not saying both of them are definitely going to air, though. But I think in general, they’ll air at around the same time. C: Are there benefits? LYN: You want me to go to the platform and try to negotiate more benefits for you??? C: Will you reimburse us (for the membership)? LYN: People always ask me that. >.< I can’t. Honestly the benefits I give you are already enough. What other artists out there is like me, and can stream for you every week. You have my dramas to watch on top of that. You’re asking too much!! When you get married I have to rent a car and follow behind you- at the new year I have to give you presents- now you want me to reimburse you for memberships. What the heck. C: When I get married can you come be the mc? LYN: No~ I don’t want to mess up your marriage. Forget it. You can play some of my songs at your wedding, though. It’ll take the place for me actually being at your wedding. Let me sing you a song. This one is suited for playing at your wedding. -- 余生只想握紧你的手 (to Dear Myself OST)

LYN: While I’m here let me also share my new song from the Lady of Love OST - 幸会的温柔 - /comes in late and blames it on his mic XD/

C: I really like the sound of your “stand-up comedy” LYN: First of all, stand-up comedy is a really strict profession, let’s not take it lightly. Not everyone who says a few witty remarks can be a comedian. I’m not. It’s really not that simple. On another note- that’s normal (to like his voice). The people in my stream are my song-fans, my acting-fans, and my stream-fans. If you like to hear me chat then you count as my stream-fans. I’m always available to please everyone- after I talked ab out my drama, I sang a song, right? When I need to chat I will. I’m here to satisfy all your needs. LYN: There are also fall-fans. What are those? Fans who like to see me fall. Someone said that seeing me fall was like watching their door fall over. Go push over your front door- it’ll be the same as watching me fall. C: Leg-fans. LYN: I’m sure many of you have taken a liking to my legs, is that it? Tell your mom to go to the market and buy you back a [rack of some kind? idk]. You can look at that instead of me. C: Ning-ge, I’m a fan of your eyes. LYN: You think my eyes are nice? That’s easy. There are doors at your house, yeah? Open it a crack. Just look at the crack in the door. I have an alias called “Liu Kaifeng” (lit. “leave a crack (open)). If you leave your door open just a little it can replace me. C: Dance-fans. LYN: You like to see me dance? That’s... hard to please. Me learning one dance for a drama is already good enough. It was just several seconds and that’s enough. Just watch it for fun and leave it at that. I think my dance-fans can take a turn and become song-fans or acting-fans. As for dancing... once a year is enough. I can tell you it’s definitely more difficult for me to learn a whole dance. I can shoot three dramas in a year but not necessarily be able to complete a whole dance routine. LYN: When I said you could “take a turn” I meant to stay my fan but change what you liked about me. I didn’t mean you could turn and start to like someone else entirely. That would make me unhappy.

LYN: I want to thank everyone for watching my stream and if you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Thank you, everyone. When I have time I can come here and chat with you, and when my drama airs I can tell you fun stories about it and make fun of myself once in a while, too.

C: I want to see your '飞天 (Flying Apsaras). LYN: I did a short dance the other day, I’m sure everyone has already seen. In the drama, our sect is called the Rongtian Sect. We wanted to do a fun thing where the three groups in our drama had a dance battle. I wanted to pick a song that fit with our theme as a sect, and decided on 飞天- Zhang Yixing-laoshi’s song. Learning that dance almost sent me, I’m telling you. It was so difficult. I told the others that I wanted to dance to that song and they were like, “Are you SURE?” I told them I wanted to challenge myself. C: Was it a simpler version? LYN: No, it was pretty much the original choreography. C: Show us. LYN: My second aunt... I won’t dance. I want to talk to you more, if you make me dance I won’t have the strength to chat.

LYN: The other day I saw another drama that said I was in the cast list... Wow. I didn’t know I had so much time. What was it called? Let me check... Some new drama with Yang Zi, Zhang Ruoyun, and I. Have you seen that article? I saw that a lot of you were making comments, saying “I don’t know if this is true or not, but I’m looking forward to it!” I already told you! The way to reply to these articles is just to say, “Thank you.” [Drama in question, probably: Swords and Love (沉鱼记)] LYN: They were probably just making fun, and writing me in there. Probably just wanted me to refute it. Just teasing me. LYN: I have not received any news that they have contacted me. Perhaps it’s a 2023 project, and have confirmed me internally. That’s what I like to think. They’ve confirmed me on their side and are getting ready to contact my studio about it. But as of now I have’t received any news. LYN: I’ve been stuck up on their wall, is what it is. Usually when dramas cast actors, they will have a board with all the characters and start posting pictures of actors who they want to play that character. I’m guessing I’ve just been stuck up on that wall. But they haven’t contacted me yet. They’re too busy.

LYN: I’m not popular, just a little more than I was before. I’m still far lacking from the really amazing people. Let’s just keep working hard. I don’t think being popular is the most important thing. I think just being able to maintain this momentum of always having work to do- variety shows interested in you, songs to sing, dramas to act in- maintaining work is already hard-earned. LYN: I thought about it, and The Long Ballad was my most recent drama- and that aired a year ago. You haven’t seen me for a year. If I don’t get a drama out this year I won’t be able to take it anymore. I filmed three dramas last year but I don’t have anything to show for myself this year yet, I’ve only just released a few more songs. My variety show hasn’t been able to air, either. I think I’m very lucky that I still have fans to support me. C: The Heroes Official Account left. LYN: They don’t like hearing this. XD

LYN: Some people are asking me about the Liu Shishi drama (一念关山). !! First of all, whether she actually confirms the drama or not is not something I can decide. I don't have the right to make decisions- it’s not like someone is coming to me and asking me who I think would be a good female lead. I can’t make any decisions, so don’t ask me if she’s confirmed or not. Even if I knew, I couldn’t tell you. Don’t ask me about other people- I can’t just reveal all their news. I can only talk about myself. C: It’s fine as long as you’re confirmed. LYN: I never said I was! Just wait for the announcement. I’m sure you’ll all have a satisfying result. C: Great! // You’re just missing the contract. LYN: ... Yes. Just remember this- the work I haven’t signed a contract with, I with usually never mention. Because I’m afraid I’ll lose it to someone else. That’s scary for me. C: And if you don’t mention it... LYN: Then.. I won’t talk about it; it’s been taken by someone else. If it gets stolen from me, that’s just my bad luck. What can I do about it? There are people are more amazing than I am in this industry. If they can steal a project from me then that means it was not meant for me in the first place. If it’s yours, it’s yours. If it’s not, then you can’t take it from me. I’ll strive for things I want but I won’t force it. LYN: Just like if I want to sing the OST for some drama. I will never outright ask for it. I’ll try it in a roundabout way, like going to cameo in the drama itself. :) I’ll say, “I’m in Hengdian with nothing to do lately, would you like me to sing a song for you?” XD I’m just joking though I’m not going to force someone to take me on as a cameo, either. I would be crazy. The dramas I cameo for- usually I am close with the producer, director, or the actors in it. I’m not crazy enough to just cameo in ANYTHING. Do you really think I have nothing better to do? - Cameos: Love Yourself, Medal of the Republic, Blocking the Sky (Zhe Tian), Discovery of Romance, Wonderland of Love (Le You Yuan) LYN: I remember when I cameo-d in Medal of the Republic, the director was quite nice. He wanted to give me a 200RMB red packet, but I didn’t accept it. I think just being able to experience being on a set like that, letting me participate, made me really happy. It’s something I’ve never tried before. I was just a little soldier. They wanted to give me a red packet but I didn’t accept. I was thinking they would give me an OST... but in the end I guess I thought too much. :p I regretted it, maybe I should have accepted the 200RMB. XD LYN: I hold a bit of a grudge. Well, it’s not a grudge, exactly. Things that make me feel unsettled are more easily remembered.

C: Ning-ge, it’s my birthday. LYN: Happy Birthday! C: You always celebrate someone’s birthday when you stream. LYN: Yeah, because there are quite a few people watching every time. I think it’s a happy thing. Think about it- they’re celebrating their birthday today. It’s such an important date but they’re here in my stream. It’s my honor, because the people who can celebrate a birthday with you are important people to you. If it’s not your family, it’s your friends or people who are close to you. So they fact that they can come to my stream on their birthday, such an important day, means that in their heart I am their friend. I’m very touched. Also, I want to say, on such an important day, the fact that you didn’t go out to play... just proves that you don’t really have any friends. XD That’s not important. Your Ning-ge is the best friend you can have. Everyone in this stream is your friend. We’re all celebrating your birthday together. Such a happy thing!

C: I just came in, what’s this stream for? LYN: My stream is just a bazaar. If you just came in you might not know what I’m doing. Just wait. Later I’ll show you a performance where I lay across two chairs, put a rock on myself and then smash it with a hammer. Very thrilling. If things go wrong I could even d*e. So don’t leave, just wait. I’ll show you a performance and after that one I’ll show you one where I eat rocks. C: Looking forward to it! LYN: ... You’re all monkeys. I give you a stick and you climb. XD C: Ning-ge, can you take off your shirt for that performance? LYN: !__! ... ?__? ... What- ... /shakes his head/ LYN: My friends, when I stream I put myself lower than you, as respect to you. But you can’t- you can’t harass me. Don’t play with me. - someone says their niece/nephew is celebrating their birthday today; lyn says that his wishes apply to those watching his stream ONLY, everyone else has nothing to do with him

LYN: Hold on, wait for me a minute. I need to use the restroom. It’s- It’s 9p?? There’s a problem here- why is it that when I stream outside of my home it feels like time is passing by so slowly?? How long have I been streaming for? 2+ hours... I thought I’ve been streaming for at least 3 hours by now! C: You finally just said it straight out. LYN: Yeah, because I already used the “fighting neighbors” trick. I’ll think of a better excuse for next time. Let me play you a video... oh, no. I only have the one. Wait for me a sec. I'll have to trouble you to watch this one again. C: Someone’s having a baby? LYN: No, I can’t use that one too often.

-- bathroom break

LYN: I’m back! I saw the Heroes Official Account leave me a message, that read, “It’s true, we don’t have money...” That is.. what are you telling me for? Are you planning on asking for the payment back? I’ve spent it all already- I bought clothes with it. I can’t give it back! C: They want the promo money back. LYN: There’s no such thing. They don’t pay actors to promote. It’s the actor’s own choice whether they want to promote their drama or not. Not with me, though. Whether it’s a product, drama, or song, I think it is my responsibility/obligation to promote it to the fullest. They chose me because they like me and I’ve also received money for my work, so promoting the product/drama/song is something I SHOULD do. If you find other people for a song, they might share it on their weibo when it’s released, but /I/ will sing it in my stream! I’ll promote it, too. So finding me to sing your OSTs is not a shameful thing, my friends. C: Sing one then. LYN: I just did! Are you from the platform? Just once (a stream) is good enough. How about I sing it for you again next time?

C: What time are you smashing the rock? LYN: /sigh/ At the end. It’s too thrilling, so we’ll leave it for the end and just simply chat until then.

C: I’ve fallen into the pit (fandom). LYN: How? I didn’t even get the beauty filters right today. Honestly, the lights in the hotel room kinda suck, they’re quite dim. I added two of my own but they’re too bright. Also, I look like I have a red flush, like I’ve been drinking. Actually, I went to shoot a commercial today so there’s a thick layer of foundation on me. Shade No.1. There’s nothing here that warrants you falling in. If you were sucked in by my good looks that would be one thing, but I don’t look good right now! LYN: The other thing is, liking me is not considered falling into the “pit”. It’s called “winning the lottery”. :) “Falling into the pit” makes it sound like you’re losing out on something by liking me. But “winning the lottery” means that you’ve gained something. As for WHAT you’ve gained, that’s.... hard to say. It could be annoyance, sadness, or suffering; but it could also be happiness! What you gain from me is random, like opening a blind box.

C: When are you cutting your hair? LYN: Soon. I’ll cut it before I enter the next drama crew. My next drama is a modern one, and I can’t bring my long hair with me. It’s all about the female lead- if I go in there, you wouldn’t be able to tell which is the actress (by looking from the back), and that would be a problem. C: Are you still going to dye it? LYN: I want to, but my stylist told me not to. If I bleach and dye it red, then dye it back to black it would hurt my hair too much. I’m still spokesperson for a shampoo, friends. I’m afraid it will affect my work, so I don’t want to mess up my hair too much. I might spray on a color, and have them fix it up in editing, but that’s about it.

C: Which female actress is 1.9m tall? LYN: I meant just by looking at our backs, when we’re sitting there! You must not be listening carefully. C: What’s the drama called? LYN: It hasn’t been announced yet, I can’t say. You’ll know when the time comes. C: Are you the male lead? LYN: Why? If I don’t play the lead will you look down on me? How can you be so shallow, like ZSX? XD How should I say this- there are no small roles, only small actors. That’s what everyone says. I don’t think being the lead actor is the most important thing- it all depends on the role and who you’re going to be working with. C: Ning-ge, you can play the female lead. LYN: 去你的. I can’t. I’m going to cut my hair, so I can’t play the female lead.

C: Ning-ge, what are the standards for the dramas you choose? LYN: We have a lot of things to consider, but I can’t tell you because that’s an industry secret. It’s not- I just have my own standards for what I want when choosing a script and role. People will compliment me, and say that I make good selections when it comes to what roles I decide to act as. I don’t believe I choose well, it’s just that I am fortunate enough to meet good people. When I first debuted no one knew I wanted to act, so I really didn’t have a lot of choices. It’s not like what you’re thinking and I can have hundreds of scripts in front of me to choose from. If I only have a few to choose from, of course I’ll pick the best one. Before The Long Ballad aired, I didn’t have a lot of choice. After it aired there was a lot more to choose from, because at that point people knew that I was acting (and available). A good role will open up many opportunities for you. C: Ning-ge, do you act well? LYN: I act just okay. I’m just a singer, how well do you expect me to act? That’s why I always tell my friends not to compliment my acting when my dramas air. Acting is subjective- everyone has their own opinions of what’s good or bad. There’s no need for you to go around forcing me on people; PLEASE don’t go around complimenting my acting- I’m just a rookie actor. C: You act pretty well, though. LYN: How many dramas of mine have you watched?? There’s only BEEN THREE. I just have to keep working harder and working to improve myself. C: I’ll compliment your looks. LYN: You won’t compliment my acting, but how I look? Then that’s even MORE reason not to compliment me. You have to remember to PLEASE don’t go around pushing my looks. In YOUR eyes I’m handsome because you have the fan-filter. But to the general public I’m just average. Not UGLY, but nowhere near handsome. We just win with my temperament/attitude. C: Then what can we compliment? LYN: Do you HAVE to? There’s no need. If someone has just one strong suit, others will naturally get it. You don’t have to go around pointing it out. When normal people see me, the first reaction they’ll have is that I’m very tall. They don’t need to you stand next to them and say, “Hey, look at Liu Yuning. Isn’t he tall?” There’s no need. Others will discover what’s good about you naturally. Don’t try to convince people to like me. You just happily watch my dramas and that’s enough. C: I can’t help it. LYN: TRY.

C: Ning-ge, did you bring ka-ka (kazoo)? LYN: I actually did.

C: Your fans can’t suggest people to watch? LYN: You can, but not too forcefully. You can suggest for people to listen to my songs or watch my dramas but don’t go around saying I’m so amazing. I’m really not. Some people are rebellious, too. The more you want them to do something, the less they’ll want to do it. You know? If something is/becomes extremely popular there will always be people who think it is annoying. It might not be proper for me to say. Everything has a certain degree of acceptability- once you pass it, that thing becomes annoying. - talks about Liu Genghong-laoshi, who posts up exercise videos. They’ve gotten really popular lately bc people are stuck in quarantine, and at least by watching and following along to his videos people can work up a sweat and maintain their health. But he’s also gotten so popular to the point where he has antis now. LYN: I know I always tell you to help promote my works, but don’t do it to the point where it starts to bother others.

LYN: Heroes hasn't even aired yet. It’s not an S-class drama, with a big production cost or anything. It’s just a project we worked very seriously on. The actors, honestly- I mean, they’re popular- but they’re not as “big” as others. We’re such a small project and already people are starting to put it down. They’re starting to create trouble- just to prevent us from “exploding (into fame)”. People are already giving it backhanded compliments- they talk us up and then start comparing us to a different drama. The fans of the other drama are surely going to curse us. These tricks are overused and annoying.

LYN: If you want to make trouble, you can say that the 2ML got more scenes. Like, the drama was originally all about the male lead, but since they’ve added some scenes for the 2ML, it’s lessened the ML’s spotlight. If I were ZSX’s fans I would be upset too. I would be upset, too- why is the 2ML so much better than ZSX, that he gets more scenes? Who does he think he is? I would yell at LYN, too. Do you know where they got this info from, though? It came out of my own mouth. :p LYN: Director Li is a very creative-type director. He films and creates at the same time. As a director or an actor, before you start filming you’ll need to get used to the characters. Say for example you are a reserved person, but the character is more open and lively- there’s no way you can make the connection, unless you are a very amazing actor. The director will observe your natural character and blend your characteristics with that of the role’s and from that point can be more creative. The director working with an actor for the first time might not have any particular thoughts about that actor; but as time passes the director starts to see potential. They will create more opportunities to enrich the character and create a more fulfilling drama overall. At the start I only had 300 or so scenes for Heroes. By the end of it I had 360, but I’m sure a lot of it will be cut in editing. I just wanted to say that I am not the only one who got additional scenes- the male & female leads got a lot too! All of the characters got additional scenes. We added so much that the funds ended up being insufficient- that’s how hard our director worked. That’s why we have no money for post. XD LYN: Don’t use the fact that the 2ML got additional scenes to cause trouble for the drama and make a rift between ZSX and I. ZSX himself can be a little confused sometimes- what if he seems some fake news and misunderstands. He already doesn’t talk to me on WeChat, what if he blocks me?? This is such a small drama in comparison and people will find any way to make trouble for it. Isn’t that terrifying?

LYN: There was this rumor for ALZ, too. That the 2ML got additional scenes, because one of the producers is LYN’s fan. OMG. This is.. just too unreasonable. It’s just worded in a way that people can’t help but fall for it. Let me break it down for you. First of all, there are two producers, and are they my fan? I hope they are. The first jiejie I met when having dinner at a wrap party, and she’s the one who suggested ALZ to me. At the time she said there would be 300 scenes, but when I got on set I found out it was only around 200. If you’re looking at it that way, I actually got my scenes cut. The second producer jiejie is DEFINITELY not my fan. I can’t tell you whose fan she is. They both aren’t my fans, they’re good jiejies. They treat me very well. LYN: Also, when we were on set, everyone was already shipping the two leads. There’s no room in their minds to even think about giving me additional scenes. This is also the first time I’ve worked with Youku. I’ve worked with iQiyi and Tencent before, but this was my first time working with Youku. How much do you think they would have to love me, to give me additional scenes?? It just doesn’t make sense, and that’s why this is purely a rumor. The script was written as is- it wasn’t written AFTER LYN joined the cast. The number of scenes for the 2ML is the same as it was before I was cast... and I was the last one the be cast. I truly didn’t walk through any back-doors to get that role, and they’re definitely not going to add scenes just for me. There’s no way. LYN: So if the drama comes out and you think I have more scenes than I should have, don’t come find me. It’s not what I wanted. Go find the scriptwriter. I don’t have the right to make people give me additional scenes, and I’m not worth it. I’m just here to happily shoot a drama- and it’s not as if more scenes will give me more money. >.> C: Don’t get angry. LYN: I’m not angry. I just wanted to share my thoughts/emotional state with you. This is nothing to get worked up over.

LYN: I saw some gossip blog say that ALZ would air in May. /pfft/ I'm sure that blog doesn’t watch my streams. If you’ve got nothing better to do, watch my streams. I’m sure you’ll receive a lot of information regarding my dramas. C: Ning-ge, why are you always looking at gossip blogs? LYN: I’m not always looking at them, it’s just that anything regarding “liu yuning” will pop up in my feed- I’m sure all apps are the same. It’s not like I don’t have anything better to do than to scroll through gossip blogs! All the posts are recommended to me!! LYN: It even recommended me a post: “HAHAHA I used to be LYN’s fan but now I am OOO’s fan. Bye Ning-ge.” What the heck would I be doing checking up on who’s leaving me for someone else??? This is a very normal thing, though. Some people who were fans of others may have slowly become my fans, and vice versa. It’s natural. But just don’t make a post telling me about it. Leave quietly.

- more people saying his bg looks fake, so he balls up a tissue and throws it C: Throwing trash?!? LYN: I’ll pick it up later, I just wanted to prove to you that my background was real. LYN: Let me throw a cup back there, too. I’ll throw it and you can watch it shatter. - doesn’t throw the glass, but does get up to pick up his trash and hops up on the chair to dance around a bit

LYN: It’s not fake now, is it? C: The person must be fake. LYN: Yes, you’re talking to an AI right now.

C: Are you happy today? LYN: I’m very happy. I’ve been in Hengdian for too long. I only came out twice to shoot something. But now I’m in Changsha- omg, there are too many delicious things to eat. - stream lags for a bit LYN: It’s alright- I’m using the hotel’s wifi. It might be a little unstable, but don’t worry about it. I hope you don’t have anything against it, either. // It did lag- I couldn’t even see you typing. It’s alright though, bear with me. - introduces things to eat in Changsha, and says all of the dishes really pair well with rice

C: When are you doing the Thermage. LYN: lol. I was going to do it when the drama wrapped and before I entered into the new drama crew. But Beijing right now... I’m afraid if I go I won’t make it back (bc the pandemic). I don’t know any places in Changsha...

C: Is the perfume real? LYN: What’s that about? I keep seeing people mention perfume?? All the perfume I use is real... if you use fake ones don’t they give you rashes? C: Spokesperson for a perfume? LYN: No? I really don’t, and I have no need to lie to you. LYN: Honestly- a lot have products have come to ask about me, but I don’t sign with just anyone. Really. I don’t just take whatever’s offered. There are a couple of requirements before I sign on to be a spokesperson. First- the product has to be reliable. You can think about all the products I’ve represented before- not one of them was unreliable, right? Secondly- I only sign on with products that my fans are able to make use of. Usually they’re daily necessities, like shampoo. I don’t sign with just anything, because I don’t see the need to exhaust myself. Also, I believe that my fans with stay with me for a long time. I’m not here just to make a quick buck- I’m not hurting for it that badly. I’ll be honest with you- I can sign with 10-20 of them in a year if I wanted to. I’m not trying to brag. But not all of these brands are trustworthy, some of them I’ve never even heard of. I CAN sign with them, but I won’t. I can’t exhaust myself like that, and it’s also a way of protecting myself. I don’t want you guys to keep buying the products either, and exhaust yourselves. LYN: I don’t think I’ve reached the peak of my career yet. So I don’t want to just make a quick buck and run. I’m keeping my options open. Maybe one day when I become a male lead in a few dramas I can come back around to these brands and they’ll have to pay me more than they’re offering me now. XD

C: Why aren’t you taking male lead roles. LYN: It’s not that I’m not, but that my opportunities were few. I’ve never said it this clearly before, but I think acting as 2ML in an S-class drama is better for me than acting as a 1ML in a lesser known drama. That’s what I’m thinking, and that’s my plan for myself. Other people think differently. One of the reasons I’d rather be a supporting character is because I don’t think I can bear the weight of a male lead. Why should I humiliate myself like that? If I work with more experienced actors I can act and learn at the same time... plus I don’t have to “carry the pot”. Think about it- if a drama doesn’t do well, can people turn around and blame the 2nd or 3rd male lead for it? :p If you can blame the 2ML, then you can blame the OST singer, too. (By playing a supporting character) I don’t have to be afraid, and I can learn and also become friends with the S-class actors. XD LYN: Look at- Look at Fang Yilun. XD Do you know how many lead roles he’s gotten since debut? The two of us are at different starting points, is all. He likes to sign on to male lead roles and I like 2ML roles. C: I never watched one of his dramas. LYN: That’s your problem, not his. That doesn’t mean he isn’t popular. Xiao Fang is very good. I’m just saying that everyone’s choices are different. Of course, he has been in supporting roles, but he has a lot more lead roles to show. He’s much more amazing than I am. // Don’t make trouble. He’s a good friend of mine. C: Then are you planning on being 2ML forever? LYN: /laughs/ “A soldier who doesn’t want to be a general is not a good soldier.” I believe there’s always something better. That’s why when I was just a waiter I always wanted to be the manager. When I was selling clothes, my goal was to become the shop manager. Acting is the same- no matter how many 2ML roles you do, you still want to be a ML someday.

C: Ning-ge, stop dallying. I want to see the rock smashing. LYN: I prepared the rock when I went to the restroom earlier, but then weibo contacted me and told me to calm down. “Weibo is a public platform, if you smash a rock on yourself that’s considered a dangerous action. You definitely cannot do such a thing, otherwise you’ll drag us into it.” I know I am very safe, but they don’t want anyone to imitate such a dangerous action- I thought about it and decided to forget the act. As per weibo’s request. C: You concluded that well. LYN: I know, right? I didn’t think of how to end it before, but all of a sudden it came to me. I’m throwing weibo under the bus. But the reasoning still sounds reasonable!

- someone asked if this was pre-recorded, so he proves it isn’t by reciting the time/date; shows his clock on his laptop C: It’s off by a minute. LYN: Maybe my clock is off.

C: Ning-ge, it’s fine if you don’t show us the rock smashing, but you can still show us your chest. LYN: My chest is here. What do you want to see? Even if I smashed the rock on my chest, I wouldn’t be doing it topless.

C: Ning-ge, go shoot some mini-series. LYN: You mean the 5-10 minute ones? It’s true- the mini-series nowadays have been very popular. The problem is eh... you probably don’t know where I came from. You think I became this popular in a sudden moment? I got to this point shooting dramas because I started off doing short videos; now you want me to go back???

- someone asks how to get into the “special guests” section of the weibo LYN: Don’t be too hung up on ranking/position. So what if you become a special guest? You’re seeing the same thing they’re seeing. It’s not like a concert- if you sit in the front row you might be able to see more clearly, but those in the special guest section and regular viewers are all seeing the same thing right now. There’s no difference. Don’t get caught up on ranks- don’t learn the bad things about this industry.

- someone asks about his water, and he says he normally doesn’t drink Perrier, but he went to shoot a CF today and they had a crafts table so he took some water and fruit home XD - he does the same thing at car showrooms, when he goes to look at the cars he will ask for a bottle of water; they bring out the fancy kind and he (and his staff) will just hold on to the bottle but not drink it... they’ll take it back with them after looking at (but not buying!) the cars. he leaves these bottles on his car and offers them to directors to drink XD he says it makes him look classy. C: What a nicely made up story. LYN: Just listen to it for entertainment, you don’t need to consider the truth or fiction of it. I don’t have that many stories to tell you. Isn’t it always just made up on the spot? XD C: Next time go to the Ferrari showroom. LYN: I don’t dare go anymore... because I’ve gone too often. The salesperson doesn’t even care about me walking in there anymore. He used to be friendly and welcoming, but by the fourth time he sees me and just continues playing on his phone, telling me to look however I want. C: That’s on you for never buying one. LYN: I never SAID I was going to buy one. I said I was there to LOOK. C: You can report him for playing with his phone while working. LYN: How can you be so mean?? C: You didn’t grab a water, though? LYN: I almost forgot. But no, I don’t grab water every time. I only take it when my car’s supply is running low. - talks about how his life goal is to own a Ferrari one day; and tells a story about how he walked into a showroom and almost couldn’t talk his way out of buying a Ferrari SF80. in the end he said he would wait for the SF90 to be released and then consider buying one XD LYN: Whenever I walk out of a Lamborghini showroom, I see all the cars on the street and think, “What are these?” The ones (in the showroom) are cars- these (on the street) are toys. :( It fills me with a new motivation to work harder, so I go to the showrooms to recharge. C: Become the spokes-model for a car brand. LYN: It’s not that I haven’t thought about it and they haven’t come around asking. But I take this very seriously, because whatever brand I work with/represent will reflect my own personal preferences. They weren’t the cars I liked, so I didn’t continue negotiating a contract with any of them. C: Then what do you like? LYN: Ferrari... Lamborghini... Bentley... those kinds will do. I might consider some others. Audi... BMW... those are okay, too. C: But we can’t afford those cars. LYN: Are there quotas for selling cars, too?? No, right? I don’t know. I’ve never done it before... C: Ning-ge! I just bought a BMW. LYN: Are you showing off?!?

C: Is Bai Choufei a good guy? LYN: Not really. When this drama airs I hope you can maintain the separation between character and actor. Don’t come to curse at me. Thank you. LYN: When the drama airs I can share with you some fun parts that we filmed, and we can look at the comments together... we’ll see. I might invite ZSX and YCY to be here with me.

C: Will you watch the drama too? LYN: Will I- I understand. Some actors do not watch their own acting. It’s not like they have anything against it, it’s that they are afraid to watch. They don’t want to see this other side of themselves on tv. But me- If I come out on a variety show I will watch my own part up to three times. Apologies. I haven’t much seen the world. Honestly I haven’t had that much work. LYN: Anything I appear in, I will watch at least three times or more. I care a lot about the viewer experience. I usually can’t catch the show right when it airs, so I will wait until the playback is up online and I will watch the whole thing. When it’s over, I’ll start back from the beginning- the second time around I am watching the comments. I want to see if anyone is cursing at me, or if any of my fans have gotten caught up in fights. I’ll fight with the comments. After a day, I’ll watch it again for the comments. I want to see how they developed over time. LYN: I’l watch the drama and when it gets to my part I’ll read the comments and then I can stream about it. Just like with Ultimate Note- I was acting as Hei Yanjing- there was a comment that said, “HYJ’s actor is no good. Doesn’t fit the original source at all. Not tall enough.” It said I wasn’t tall enough!! The only advantage I have in this industry is my height. When I saw that comment I wanted to punch through my iPad. XD Is 1.89cm short??! LYN: I’ll always watch my dramas. I probably watch even more closely than you do.

C: Do you have a membership? LYN: Yeah. My QQ membership expires in 2099. I don’t think I’ll live that long, but I can pass my account on to my grandchildren. I don’t have anything against having to pay for content/subscriptions. - says that the most complete guzhuang drama he’s watched is The Long Ballad; people start recommending him to watch Nirvana in Fire, but he truly has no time for it

C: You should play the Celestial Dog. LYN: Do you think you’re very funny? This joke has already come to its natural end. About enough is enough. You should try something funnier next time.

- finds it amusing that people were talking about a different drama and when it would air, and someone told op to go ask lyn about it. LYN: I can’t even tell you when my own dramas will air, let alone SOMEONE ELSE’S.

C: Do you get paid after filming wraps or after the drama starts airing? LYN: .... I don’t know why you’re asking this question, but I’m sure it’s because some people just don’t know the answer... C: When it finishes airing? LYN: See- you don’t know. We get paid after it finishes filming. When you first finish negotiations, they’ll give you about 30% of it first. When you finish shooting about half of the drama, they’ll give you another 30%. At the end, when the drama wraps, they’ll give you the rest. As for when the drama airs- that’s not something an actor can determine. By that time we’ve already spent most of the money, anyway.

C: Anyone who spews nonsense in Ning-ge’s streams are bots. LYN: There’s no “nonsense” here. Everyone who comes to watch my streams, even if they’re antis- I welcome. They count as a person (to up the view count), don’t they? It’s fine, all good. The stream is open to anybody. C: What a good attitude. LYN: It’s practiced. In my previous stream all people would do is curse at me. This is nothing. It’s alright if people want to come in here and talk shit about me to vent a little. That’s normal, you can vent. C: Then you can curse at me. LYN: ? What do you mean? You want me to curse at you? Are you a pervert? Why don’t you go out on the street and find someone to curse at you there? I feel like you’ll enjoy it too much if I curse at you in my stream. That’s scary. I can’t satisfy you. You can leave.

-- bathroom break

- continues playing the video because people where saying they didn’t get to watch until the end LYN: ! I saw someone say that I looked sleepy in that frame just then.

C: How come it paused? LYN: Because I paused it. They said I looked sleepy... ehm... that’s not being sleepy. Don’t make fun of me like that. First of all, my eyes are a little small, ok. No need for the personal attack. Secondly- did you not see me covered in blood?? It’s not like I’m sick and spit blood on myself, I’ve been fighting the WHOLE TIME. I’m TIRED! LYN: My eyes are just small- I’m not sleepy. C: Ask the post-editor to make your eyes bigger. LYN: ?! I already told you to watch the drama through your camera filter. You can watch the whole thing by filtering the content on tv through your phone, with the beauty filter.

LYN: If you like big eyes, just go be fans of ZSX. I can’t say anything else, but ZSX must rank among the top of the list of actors with big eyes. Of course, YCY’s are not small, either. You can just go like the two of them. C: Ning-ge, yours aren’t eyes. They’re four eyebrows on your face. LYN: Someone before said that my eyebrows were thicker than my eyes. It’s true. /sigh/ Enough, already. If you keep making fun of me I’ll go get double eyelid-surgery. Does anyone want to do it with me? A package deal. C: How about tattoos? LYN: Nope. As an actor I want to leave as few marks on myself as possible. I’m already covered in bumps and bruises enough as it is from filming... and some singing competitions. You’re easily injured if you attend any singing competitions. C: Singing competitions? LYN: My old fans will know. It’s not the competition itself that hurt me. I got eliminated and then went home and got drunk. I took a tumble and got a scar on my elbow because of it. It has nothing to do with the competition, more to do with the fact I was drinking. C: You fell in the bathroom. LYN: I DID NOT! I fell ON MY WAY to the restroom, not IN the restroom. There’s a difference in degrees of cleanliness between these two places. If you say I fell IN the restroom... that will make imaginations run wild. I was on my way.

C: Are you streaming tomorrow? LYN: I’ve already talked about three hot topics today: - YCY’s Manager wearing the same clothes as LYN - Heroes Promotional Photos released LYN: There’s another... in any case- I stream depending on what material I have to work with. If I don’t have anything, I won’t stream.

- talking a bit about the variety show, but still can’t reveal too much LYN: I’ve found out that recently there are a lot of this type of show airing now. // We were in Shandong before, but we’ve moved to Changsha and we’re planning to record and broadcast at the same time.

C: You should go to Chengdu and have hotpot with Dilireba. LYN: ?? I didn’t even know Reba was in Chengdu. The Long Ballad producer jiejie came to send me a message today and told me we should gather for a meal. SHE’s in Chengdu; she went to see Reba. Also, didn’t you see the gossip? It said I asked Reba out for a meal and she rejected me. I already got rejected once, why would I go back for more? LYN: Alright, stop mentioning her. She’s going to end up blocking me.

- tells his fans to stop trying to micro-manage him, he can take care of himself.

C: What do I have to do to get LYN to “flip” (respond) to me? LYN: Alright, I’ve flipped you. /makes a flipping gesture with his hand/ You’re a pancake- I’ll flip you over so you can fry on the other side. You’re an egg- this side is about done now, I’ll flip you over.

C: Talk about the Floating World stream. LYN: There’s not much to say about it. It was a pretty last-minute thing to begin with. Tencent wanted to go around introducing their dramas, and I think only Le You Yuan (Jing Tian & Xu Kai) and Floating World were around in Hengdian. Two days before the stream they asked me if I would be okay to host it. They already came to ask me, so it’s not as if I could have rejected them. It was fine- to me, streaming is a very easy thing. Other might find it more difficult. But honestly, I did feel some pressure, because just streaming by myself is different from streaming with other people. In my own streams I can joke around and talk back at you and make up some nonsense. But this type of stream is more of an interview-like one, where I was the host and had to keep up with the progression of topics and take care of every participant. It was a stream, but it’s different from my usual streams. I was really nervous. But the viewers and a lot of my fans were there to support me and bring up the atmosphere. It was nice. LYN: Another thing was, the internet was unstable. That makes me really anxious. Forget about me- the viewers don’t have a good experience, either. No matter how well I do, it doesn’t matter if no on can SEE it. I really wanted to take you around the tent and show you all the props, but the internet in there was terrible. It’s fine outside the tent, but once you’re inside it’s gone.

C: Ning-ge, aren’t you going to talk about any other actor? LYN: Why would I? I saw this person keep typing up other actor’s names all night. Do you think I’m a gossip blog? You want me to comment on each person’s character a little? I don’t need to critique anyone, and why would I have to? What do you want me to say? I don’t need to talk about anyone else. LYN: Honestly, we haven’t worked together at all, we’re just acquaintances. If it were someone I’ve worked with, I could talk about them a little. But I really haven’t worked with the people you are mentioning, so how do you expect me to talk about them?

C: Talk about dancing. LYN: The dancing was alright. I suddenly had a feeling that I could take a turn into the singer-dancer category. I’ve gotten a little more confident. So maybe I can keep up this momentum of learning one dance a year.

C: Ning-ge, did you ever chase stars before? LYN: This is a sensitive topic... LYN: I already told you- I’m HZT’s sasaeng fan. Through my endless efforts I now know where he lives. When I’ve got nothing better to do I go to look for him. I go to his company to intercept him. Through my efforts I have successfully become HZT’s sasaeng. C: Have you secretly followed to take pictures of him before? LYN: I don’t need to. I can just go to his company and enter his office to have a sit.

LYN: When I came over from Hengdian and left the airport there was a car that kept following mine. It followed me until the hotel entrance. It was enough for them to know where I was staying, but no- they turned around to look at my car’s license number. That was pretty terrible. I don’t know whose fan it was or if it was paparazzi- but I didn’t think well of it. LYN: You may be thinking that if I want to be an artists, I have to learn to accept these things. Let me tell you- under normal circumstances, if someone was following my car I would call the police. But when it happens to a celebrity you think it’s a normal thing. LYN: Nothing happened this time, but what if one day something does? It’s terrifying. C: You should report it. LYN: It’s alright, we’ve got their plate number, too. If I get hurt when I’m in Changsha, 90% chance it’s going to be whoever is in this car. I have proof, and I’ve got their plate number. C: What if it’s a fake plate? LYN: We can still find them- there are surveillance cameras.

LYN: In any case, the reason I understand you and spend time like this to stream with you, is because it’s all I can do. I debuted too late. I’m not like DZW, or XZC, HZT, or ZSX; They’ve already been in this industry for so much longer than I have. Before I made my debut- all these people were celebrities to me. Do you get what I’m trying to say? I was a normal person, who made my way into this industry as a singer, then an actor. Now I get to work beside all these amazing people. I know how you feel- I know I’m a colleague now but before I debuted I was just like you, watching their dramas and singing their songs. LYN: Sometimes on shows I’ll see someone and get excited- like Wang Sulong- and I’ll tell him, “You’re my idol. You’re my god.” I’m not doing it for the show, those are my true feelings. When I was in the village, I would sing his songs at other people’s weddings. In my heart he’s my idol, and a star I used to chase. That’s why I like to do what I can to try and give you some company.

C: Can I reserve you for my wedding? LYN: That was before I debuted- I would take any job I could. Not only that, some people didn’t even WANT to use me. They didn’t want me to sing AND they looked down on me. But now that I’ve debuted I’ve drifted- I don’t take these jobs anymore. :)

LYN: Sometimes I see people questioning who’s got my back, and how I have such good resources. You’ve seen those comments, too, right? I don’t have any talent agency or rich woman backing me. I used to come from a live-streaming company, and after I got out of it I opened my own studio. I own 100% of the stocks- no one else has invested in me. My group and I have been the same people working together for all these years. There’s really no one behind us. LYN: Why does it seem like I’m doing so well? I really just got lucky. Some people don’t believe it. /rolls his eyes/ I’m already very helplessly telling you in detail about how I got the jobs I did, WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME?? I don’t know- it’s so strange. LYN: I’ve just met very good people. When I’m having a hard time, all of a sudden something will come up. Like just when my drama is about to wrap and I start to worry about what I’ll do next, within three days of thinking that something will come up! It’s happened again and again! When you think the job isn’t good enough, and are looking for something better- within three days, without fail! Something better came! LYN: When my staff want to play something that requires luck, I definitely will never play with them. I’m afraid I’ll use up all my good luck on games. I really think that a person’s luck has a limit. I can’t use all of mine winning for a whole a night in mahjong. I don’t do anything that requires making a bet/chances. I don’t even play blind boxes. I keep it for my career.

LYN: I hope anyone who goes out does so with the proper protection- your health is the most important.

C: Ning-ge, let me borrow some luck I need to take tests soon. LYN: I wish you well on your tests but ... you can’t rely on luck for things like this. It depends more on your ability. Tests are very fair, because everyone’s is the same. However many points you can achieve is on you. It’s not like some people’s tests are easier/harder than yours. Tests are one of the only fair things in this world. C: Comparatively. LYN: Yes. Because there are only so many fair things. LYN: The last time I streamed someone asked me if there was a difference between normal people and people in the entertainment industry. Do you remember? I said there was no difference. I was a waiter, and now I’m an actor. I didn’t think there was any difference, but I saw someone say, “Of course there’s a difference. Waiters don’t make as much money as actors.” Most of the comments were like this. It’s true, but not for everybody. There are some actors who get paid little to begin with, and half of their income goes to their manager. You may say that an actor’s starting line is higher than that of a waiter’s. I just want to tell everyone that not everything is how you see it. I also said that a waiter and an actor was the same- we’re both in the customer service industry. I WAS a waiter and became an actor... if you think being an actor is better, then you come act, too! I made a successful change in career- I can do it, you can too. LYN: Complaining doesn’t help you. If you had the ability, you can fight for your chances, too! You can’t see other people doing well and be envious of their lives, but do nothing to change yourself. You can do it, too. If there’s something you want or some way you want to live, you can work hard to achieve it. Don’t blame it on your household situation- I’m sure mine wasn’t as good as yours is now. I’m not trying to make you pity me. A lot of successful people might not have had a life as good as yours, but they still succeeded. Why? You can think about it, but the time isn’t there for you to sit around and complain.

LYN: I’m not trying to teach you how to live your life, I just wanted to share. My requirement for myself is that I forget all the bad things. Some people think “I can’t stand to see someone doing better than me” others will think “I CAN see others doing well, but not if they’re better than me.” I’ll try to force myself to get rid of these thoughts. What others do has nothing to do with me. If they’re doing well, that’s their own business. I’m only in charge of making sure I do well for myself. They’re not going to let me spend their money, and they’re also not taking my money away from me. I keep adjusting my mindset. I don’t want to compete with anyone other than myself. LYN: Other people have nothing to do with me. To put it bluntly, even if they disappeared it wouldn’t be my problem. My way of life right now is: It doesn’t matter. There’s no need. It’s not worthwhile. It has nothing to do with me. I hope you can learn to be like this, too- just live for yourself. You’ll be much happier that way. LYN: I think life is all about the choices you make. Honestly, if I were in a rush to make money when I first debuted, I don’t think I would have been able to become and actor and make it to where I am today. You know? A person’s choices are very important. You only see the result, but you don’t know what they’ve experienced. // I was never focused on the money- from the start I had always just wanted to be a celebrity, and my choices were made with that in mind. LYN: You’ve got to be more open-minded. Widen your horizon.

C: If you want to keep being famous, you have to have products. LYN: That’s what I’m saying! Heroes is about to air soon so I hope you can watch it when it airs. Save me some face, alright. Because it’s true that we don’t have as much funds to promote our drama like other S-class dramas do. We as the actors have to push it ourselves. As an actor or a singer, all we want is for more and more people to see our works. Alright? Thanks, everyone.

LYN: That’s about it for today. I have to go shoot number 4 out of 18 commercials I’ve got lined up. Didn’t he (ZSX) tell me he had 7 CFs? I need to go shoot number 4 of 28 tomorrow! XD LYN: I hope you had a wonderful night, it was great to have you. If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo yet, please do so. It’ll let you know when I stream next. Good night everyone! Sweet dreams!

#Liu Yuning #lyn livestream #(4:59:19)#topics:#talking about Heroes #rumor: lyn and ycy('s manager) got together #lyn's favorite pastime: bullying zsx #jianghu vs wuxia #voice acting #rumor: lyn in yang zi's new drama Sword and Love #ning-ge's next drama (maybe? probably?) - 一念关山 #(< after the modern drama)#liking lyn is like opening a blind box: you don't know what you'll gain #standards for choosing dramas/brands #lyn's 2nd favorite pastime: bullying fang yilun XD #does he watch his own shows: yes

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