#brotp: stuck on you

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— Supporting shots taken for: /// CH02_ENCOUNTER_IN_THE_AFTERLIFE.file — Pics by @nervouswizardcycle. ♥️ Arki belongs to her, Vijay and Ryder belong to me. —

⚠️ READ: Please do not repost/reupload any of my friends art here or to any other platform, or I will be forced to do anything to get it annihilated.

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

An Unwavering Light - Chapter 5

Rating: T/ Teen for violence (in previous chapters) and mature themes including ones about trauma, grief and depression.

Setting: begins before the confrontation with Aizen and co. in Fake Karakura Town arc, and goes from there to the Thousand Year Blood War arc. This chapter takes place between chapters 422-423 of the manga.

Music to listen to: Wasteland by Royal & Serpent (YT | Spotify), Existence (Piano) by by Magome Togoshi (YT), Machi, Toki no Nagare, Hito by Shinji Orito (YT), Compassion by Shiro Sagisu (YT | Spotify), Valtari by by Sigur Rós (YT | Spotify), and Ekki Múkk by Sigur Rós (YT | Spotify).

Fic synopsis: During the confrontation against Aizen, the unthinkable happens. For Hitsugaya, a vow is broken, and for Hinamori, her future is unknown. With everything in shambles, how can they piece their lives back together? Or their bond?

Chapter synopsis: While Hinamori continues her physical recovery in Twelfth Division, she gets a visit from Nemu. Hitsugaya considers his way forward, but it's harder than expected. Can a much needed conversation with Rangiku put him on the right track?

AN: Well, this is long overdue. I sincerely apologize for the delay with this chapter, and please know going forward there won't be a delay as long as this between chapters. I want to note that I try to write these chapters kind of like stand alone fics -- it's my bread and butter after all -- so I hope you can enjoy each chapter, whether you're someone who has just stumbled across this fic or has been reading it from the beginning.

Now, on to the chapter itself! We're in the recovery arc -- yes I'm giving this fic arcs -- which will be the focus of this chapter and the next. Prepare for some slower chapters, but I'm confident it'll be worth it in the long run! Also, while there will be not much hitsuhina, we've still got brotp goodness with Hitsugaya and Rangiku!

For anyone who remembers it, I wrote a fic featuring this same scenario for Hitsugaya in A Life Without Her. As mentioned, some of these fics or their ideas will end up being incorporated into this fic, whether it was a new POV or written differently. While there are similarities between the two, I chose to split this scenario across two chapters and include some new material to make it work better for this fic.

Thank you for your patience with how long it took to get this chapter out, and I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: BLEACH and it’s character’s belong to Tite Kubo.

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_________________

Hinamori can barely breathe in the frigid air. She rubs her arms and huddles into herself, and despite the cold, the ground beneath her feet is brittle and warm. There’s only darkness around her, reminding her of the first time she came here.

“Tobiume?” she calls out, but her voice does not echo.

She turns in all directions, squinting to find any sign of her zanpakuto spirit. She almost misses the twinkle in the distance, a tiny dot of red-orange light. She winces when prickly grass stabs her soles and steps over the tree roots when the backs of her feet brush against them. Her pace is slow, even as everything in her wants to race to the glimmer blinking at her.

The air is scentless, and she longs for the sweeter floral scents of the trees around her. More than that, she wishes she would see. She’d spent years in this darkness, trying to hear her zanpkauto’s voice and understand what this place was. As the decades went on and she gained her Shikai, Tobiume’s flames grew so large they illuminated the floating world around her in vibrant colors -- whether it was through igniting cracks baked into the earth or giving light to the sun and moon high in the sky.

The ground, though still warm, is cooling slowly beneath her feet the closer she gets. The glimmer is a group of embers, glowing beneath logs that threatens to cave in and extinguish them.

“Tobiume!” Hinamori half sobs. “You’re so…”

Her walk turns into a run, and she falls to her knees before her zanpakuto spirit. With shaking hands, she lifts the wood away. She feels around her and finds a few twigs. She breaks them in half and nestles them into the embers, but they do not catch alight.

Hands falling to her lap, Hinamori slumps by the meager warmth as the ground beneath her cools and the air freezes the tips of her fingers and toes.

_________________________

Hinamori comes out of her inner world at the same time a door slides open. She isn't conscious of it, her senses still hazy from the lack of quality sleep and the medication they've been giving her to numb the pain. Despite the the murkiness clouding her mind, she can't forget what she just saw. With a wince, she attempts to reach out to her zanpkauto.

“You’re awake.”

She blinks, then registers who stands in the doorway. “Kurotsuchi-san,” she rasps.

She can't remember the last time she spoke with Twelfth Division's lieutenant, let alone saw her.

Nemu says nothing until she's at Hinamori's bedside. "You shouldn't move. Were you wanting your zanpakuto?"

Hinamori can only nod. Nemu wheels the table closer to her, bringing Tobiume to be more than within an arms reach.

Hinamori could weep from the kind gesture. "T-Thank you."

She rests a hand on Tobiume's scabbard, and a pulse runs up her arm, as though a numbed limb was finally able to feel again. These days it took touching her weapon to fully feel her connection to her zanpakuto spirit, and after what he'd seen in her inner world, she understand why.

She turns her attention to Nemu. Had her fellow lieutenant expected her to still be unconscious? They’d taken her for another procedure, but she can’t remember if it was earlier today or only a few hours ago. Time passed strangely in this division. There’s no clocks in most rooms, and very few windows. The only way she is able to keep track was when someone brings her the small mushed-up meals, and even then it can be hard to tell when they're all taste and look the same.

Hinamori musters up a small, wobbly smile. “It’s good to see you.”

She meant it too. Most of the Shinigami who have come to her room -- either to check on the equipment she's hooked up to or to wheel her into and out of an operating theater -- have been strangers. She can’t remember the last time she saw someone familiar.

“Have you been awake for long?” Nemu asks, clasping her hands in front of her.

“No, I just woke up.” A half-truth, given she can’t remember when her dreams ended and her entry into her inner world began.

Nemu stares at her, saying nothing. Hinamori would’ve been unnerved if she wasn’t used to it. It had been particularly prevalent when she first joined the Women’s Association; she’d watch and rarely speak unless spoken to.

“How have you been?" she asks.

There’s a brief, slight furrow in Nemu’s brow, but if vanishes just as quickly. "I've been well."

"That's good. Did you need to check on the machine or give me something?”

“No, I didn't come here for either of those things. I…came here to check on you.”

She widens her smile. “That’s very kind of you.”

Nemu nods as her gaze falls to the side. “It’s nothing.”

The haze in Hinamori's mind lifts a few more layers, and she realises she can finally ask someone. “Can you tell me how has everyone else been? What’s been happening out there?”

Nemu bows her head, considering her questions. “I may not be able to tell you everything.”

“Because you’re not allowed to?” Hinamori asks, swallowing nervously.

“No, because we don’t have much time. I am expected to be with Mayuri-sama for a test on a new reishi device in ten minutes.”

“Oh…then, tell me what you can.”

Still, Nemu hesitates. Is she concerned about the time? Or about what she can tell her? She shouldn't have put her on spot. Hinamori opens her mouth to dismiss her request, but then Nemu begins.

_________________________

Shiro-chan? Hey, Shiro-chan, where are you?

_________________________

“Can you feel this?”

Isane, crouching on the floor, gently drags the pointed end of a brush across the underside of his foot. Before he even answers, his toes twitch in response. “Yes.”

“Good. Your leg and foot are responding without issue. There’s slightly higher sensitivity in your left leg. Captain Unohana may request that you come in for another assessment in a week to make sure this isn’t. Even if that were the case, it won’t be an issue for you in your everyday life or in combat.”

Hitsugaya nods. The division member behind Isane, Mori, writes down her findings and observations as she speaks. Isane stands and, once he stops writing, Mori takes the brush from her and hands her the reflex hammer from the tray.

Hitsugaya takes this moment to briefly glance at Rangiku, still sitting in the chair at his bedside. She’s not really with them, her gaze hazy and focused on the floor.

“Next, we’ll test your arm,” Isane says, coming to his right side. “Like with your leg, we’ll test your tendons and joints first, then the dexterity of your fingers. First, keep your arm relaxed while I hold it. Tell me if you feel any sensation, particularly any pinching or pain.”

He does as she instructs while she lifts and bends his arm at the elbow. She finds different points in his arm and bounces the hammer off them. Like with his leg, he watches his arm respond, seeing the muscles flex or the joints making his forearm and hand sway to one side. She reports her findings for Mori to write down while she goes down the length of his arm.

He’s instructed to curl each finger one at a time, then together to touch his palm, and finally each other. She gets him to do the same with his left arm. If someone who had not known what happened to him saw this, they’d think the arm is no different from the right. His muscles respond the same way, his fingers are just as flexible and responsive as their counterparts, and he feels nothing abnormal going through and up his nerves.

Done with those tests, Isane then instructs him to hold his arm out straight, then at several different angles. Again, nothing abnormal.

“Your arm is the same as your right.” Isane nods to Mori, who puts the clipboard under his arm and begins packing up the instruments on the tray. Rangiku, having looked up some time ago, gives Hitsugaya a small smile.

“We’re done with testing,” Isane says, drawing both of their attention. “We’ll present the findings to Captain Unohana. She should be visiting you in the next three hours.” Then to Rangiku. “She’ll want to assess your condition as well, Lieutenant Matsumoto.”

“I don’t think she’ll find any problems,” Rangiku says, and Hitsugaya expects her to wink and make some light-hearted comment, but she only adds, “I’ve been feeling better.”

Isane grins. “I'm glad. You seem better, from what I can see. Captain Unohana said she would come to your room first.” Back to Hitsugaya. “Then she’ll see you, Captain Hitsugaya.”

“When can I be discharged?”

His abrupt question shifts the mood in the room. Mori, having finished packing up the tools, freezes behind Isane and his surreptitious gaze goes between her and Hitsugaya. Both lieutenants’ smiles fade, but Rangiku is the only one who looks away.

“Although it’s ultimately up to my Captain,” Isane says, “I would advise staying today and getting discharged tomorrow.”

Hitsugaya clenches his jaw. “Can I ask you to pass on a request for early discharge along with your assessment to Captain Unohana?”

“…Yes, I will let my Captain know about your request.” Isane bows, and Mori follows suit. “I have to tend to other patients. If you need anything, Mori-san will be in the room across from yours.”

Rangiku bows her head in return, and Hitsugaya is slow to follow.

“Thank you,” he says.

Both straighten, and after receiving a nod form Isane, Mori leaves the room first. Raising his head, he it feels wrong to end things there.

“Kotetsu.”

She halts and turns to him. Her shoulders stiffen, as if dreading what might come next. “Yes, Captain Hitsugaya?”

“I apologize for my words to you yesterday.”

Isane, stumped, can only blink at him. He can sense Rangiku’s confusion, but he doesn’t look away from Fourth Division’s lieutenant.

“I didn’t act as I should have," he clarifies. "Thank you for arranging the Hojiku-Za procedure with Twelfth Division, and for bringing me back to Fourth Division.”

Isane’s gaze softens, both with relief and pity. Although the last thing he wants is the latter, he can’t be annoyed by her reaction.

She nods. “It’s all right, Captain. In emergency situations we can act differently from how we normally would. If you’ll excuse me.”

With a final nod to Rangiku, she leaves.

Hitsugaya expects his lieutenant to fill the silence immediately after Isane is gone, but it pervades until he speaks up. “They’ll be serving lunch soon. You should get back to your room.”

His words snap her out of her reverie, and she stiffly stands up. “Yeah, I suppose I better.”

Her lips don’t close, and he waits again for what she’s dying to say. He can sense it coming, about to crash over him like a tidal wave, threatening to turn the dull throb in his chest into an inferno.

“You should take Kotetsu’s advice.”

Again he’s stunned.

“It’s good news,” Rangiku elaborates. “I’m glad your limbs are all right. Still, she’s right. You should rest for another day. If I’m discharged today, Mingawa-kun and I can handle things. Hell, he can handle things for another day without either of us, he told me as much.”

“He visited you?”

“Yes. He wanted to visit you too, but you were in Twelfth Division at the time.”

He doesn’t doubt his Third Seat or his lieutenant, knows they can handle things for a short while. Even so… “I’ll discuss it with Unohana.”

The slight drop in the corners of Rangiku’s mouth says more than her words, “I’ll try to come back after Captain Unohana visits you. If not, then I'll see you tomorrow.”

He nods, and she takes it as her cue to leave. He stares after her, and an unease churns in his guts.

She’s not herself. She should've brought it up by now. Or did he just want her or someone to finally bring Hinamori up? Was that why Isane had tensed up before? She and Rangiku and everyone else have to be holding back, and waiting for him to ask about her again.

He keeps staring at the empty doorway until the world around him becomes a haze. Alone again, the memories of yesterday threaten to crawl back in.

With a shake of his head, he looks down to his limbs. His arms rests on his lap, palms facing up, and his feet dangle an inch from the floor. He pulls the robe up – using his left hand as well as his right – until his legs are visible from the knees down. He lifts them and stretches his toes, gingerly splaying them then curling them in and out. Identical in every way, just as he remembers.

He used to have a litany of scars across them, and while the right holds a few more recent ones, his left had been spared since he his Academy days. He can’t say why that is, other than with his right leg being the dominant one, it’s always the one he put forward first in battle, making it more vulnerable to attacks.

Lowering his legs and smoothing the robe back over his knees, he turns his attention back to his arms. He lifts his left one to the ceiling and flexes his fingers again; open, shut, open, shut, open. He twists his wrist to look at his palm, then at the back as he lowers it.

The fingers of his right hand ghost over the flesh of his left forearm. It’s completely unblemished, lacking the faint scars he’s known for years. The deep, tiny one on the left side of his wrist, a mission that had gone badly and served as a reminder for him to always be on guard, no matter the circumstances. The circular one on his upper arm, from bring nicked by a Hollow’s claw, and close it was the one that had shrunken over the years, from a bad fall and tumble he had as a child. The one that went from his elbow to loop around to the front of his forearm, a wound from his first days as a seated officer on a mission; it’d gotten so faint it was barely noticeable unless one were looking closely. He traces a finger over where it used be, gone forever.

After a pause, he touches his left hand. His right hand is calloused, roughed by years of training and battle. The skin of his left is smooth and softer, as if it had never lifted a weapon before . As if all of his training had been for nought. It might as well have been. He couldn’t protect her.

His right fingers dig into his left palm, and his left fingers dig in on top of them. They don’t stave the memories away, nor the whirling torrent of something that threatens tears to bead in his eyes.

Why?

His limbs shake, and he bows his head. Shutting his eyes, he breathes deeply, haltingly. Sweat breaks out on the back of his neck and on his temple.

No, he can’t, not here.

But his breath doesn’t return, his head won’t stop pounding, his chest won’t stop hurting. He pushes the heels of his palms into his eyes hard enough to see blotches of white and red behind his eyelids.

It doesn’t stop the images of that day race up to meet him. It doesn’t stop the echo of her last words filling his ears until they’re ringing. It doesn’t stop the surge of bile racing up to his throat.

He needs to get out of here.

His eyes snap open. Without thinking, he slaps his feet on to the floor and pushes himself from the bed. He ends up buckling and yelps when his knees and elbows hit the floor with a hard 'smack'.

The door opens and Mori comes rushing into the room. Hitsugaya doesn’t look him in the eye. He lets him and another division member who Mori calls out for lift him back into the bed. His breakfast ends up in a bucket that Mori barely gets to him in time. He doesn't remember when his breathing calmed, if the sweat had been wiped away or dried on it's own.

He can barely respond to their questions about what happened. He’s caught in that state again, between the past and present. But this isn’t the battlefield; this is the aftermath.

I’m stuck here, he thinks while they pass him a glass of water. He sips it obligingly. It's enough to make them leave with reassurances that their captain is on her way. They’ll tell her what happened. Will she enter the room with a look of pity? Of disappointment in her fellow captain’s conduct? Of knowing?

He’s too weak to punch the pillow he rests his head on, and soon, his eyes shut into a restless nap.

____________________________

“Shiro-chan? Hey, Shiro-chan, where are you? Shiro-ch -- Oh, he’s asleep.”

He heard her shuffle around him. He didn’t know why he was pretending to be asleep – he knew really but he refused to admit it to himself. He kept himself composed, eyes shut, posture relaxed against the veranda’s floorboards.

He sensed her hesitation, deciding whether or not to wake him. After several more seconds, she left, her footsteps retreating back into his house. They paused, then the front door slid open, and they continued to the front.

____________________________________

Hitsugaya watches the night pass, eyes on the ceiling, having tried to fall asleep only to startle awake a few hours later. The sounds and images of battle rush away from his ears and eyes, as if sucked off by the wind.

He grazes his fingertips over Hyourinmaru’s hilt, but still his zanpakuto says nothing. It's strange to not have him here, in presence or voice. But then again, he’s not even sure he himself has anything to say.

He considers asking for medication for the pain in his chest and head, but it would only be a temporary measure. And it’s not like the limbs he’s regrown; he cannot start afresh with either his head or heart.

He recalls Unohana’s assessment, and her final verdict that he will stay for another day, with additional tests of his limbs scheduled for tomorrow due to what happened today. He hadn't been completely truthful with her, but he sensed she knew that.

He can’t stay here. He has to...what?

His furrow lifts away as it hits him. He has not idea what he's going to do.

_________________________

He heard Hinamori and Granny’s tones rather what they said. Hinamori unsure, and Granny with a smile in her voice. She was likely telling Hinamori about what he’d been up to – gathering watermelons from the patch they used to frequent. The evidence of his journey lay at the door, with six large watermelons stacked up.

There was a teeter of Hinamori’s laughter, then Granny said something before resuming her sweeping. Hinamori’s footsteps returned to his house, but he frowned when they scurried around. They went to one closest and then another, pause there, then wondered back to him.

_________________________

The tests are the same as the ones conducted yesterday. The only difference is there’s another involving walking around the room and picking things up. He ignores the strange indignation that comes with the latter, knowing it’s a sense of pride that wouldn’t help him.

In the moments between the tests, he thinks about the revelation from last night. He can't believe he's been so oblivious and short-term in his thinking. He has no plan, no way forward. He’d wanted to escape from here, but to do what?

Upon completion, Isane determines there’s no physical issues preventing him from being discharged tomorrow morning. Not long after she and Mori had left to hand their results over to Unohana, Hitsugaya stands from his bed and leaves his room.

Walking down the hallway, he receives a few looks from Fourth Division members, but none question him or advise him to return to his room.

He goes to the room where whisps of Rangiku’s reiatsu emanate from. His brow furrows seeing someone else in her room. Hanataro is stripping the bed of its sheets, with fresh ones folded in a hamper on the floor.  

He makes to leave, but Hanatato looks up. “Oh, Captain Hitsugaya.” He bows his head. “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t see you there. Did you need something?”

“I was looking for Matsumoto.”

 “Oh, the Lieutenant is out in the gardens. ” He points to the window. “She wanted to get some fresh air.”

Hitsugaya takes a few steps into the room and looks outside. Sure enough, she’s there, sitting on a backless bench beneath a tree offering very little shelter. Her shoulders are once again slouched, and her hair curtains her face from view.

“She mentioned you may come to see her,” Hanataro adds. “I don’t think she’d mind if you joined her out there, i-if that’s what you want to do, that is.”

“I see. Thank you.” He hears Hanataro ramble something else, but pays it no mind as he leaves.

He slows himself to a stop outside of his room. A passing officer glances at him, slowing their steps when he doesn’t move. He makes to go in, and they continue down the hallway, convinced he’s returned to his room.

He reflects on his surroundings, telling himself he isn't stalling. The walls out in the hallway are a pale green. There’s chatter coming from another room, and there’s a brief waft of flowers in the air, breaking through the medicinal and clean scents he’s gotten used to.

He can retreat back to his room, let this gumption slip away. He hadn’t even realised he’s been building up any sort of courage to speak with Rangiku. He didn’t want her pitying or wary look, he’s gotten enough of those kinds of stares from everyone else. More than that, he finds himself fearing if she’ll bring up the battle. If she’ll bring up Hinamori. Hadn't he wanted someone to? Hadn't he he anticipated it?

Even so, he’s like a child, trying to avoid what hurts. It’s inevitable they’ll discuss it. It might helps him decide what to do after he leaves Fourth Division. With that in mind, continues down the hallway and turns off at the nearest exit to the gardens.

A strong breeze greets him, one that ruffles his robes and hair and sends orange and brown leaves from the trees twirling through the air and spinning on the ground and veranda that encompasses the courtyard.

He steps down into the gardens, but pauses when he spots Rangiku. She hasn't budged since he saw her through the window. He wonders how long she’s been sitting out here like this, if she even realises how much time has passed.

His frown deepens when he recalls a folktale from his childhood, one involving a woman so overcome by sadness she never rose from the chair she sat upon after losing her lover. Over time, her skin turned to stone and her tears watered the flowers that grew around her feet until her eyes too turned to stone.

He shakes his head against the thought that his lieutenant could become like that. That whatever was eating her up would consume her whole and transform her into a shell of who she was. He bites the inside of his cheek at the thought of what he believes is causing her to be like this. He hasn’t yet learned Gin’s fate, but it's more than likely the same as Tosen’s. Aizen held little regard for those who served him – Halibel’s demise was evidence enough of that.

Pushing the thought of the traitors aside, he continues down the pebbled footpath. His hands, loose at his side, brush shrubs that line the path. It’s oddly nice to feel something that isn’t material or metallic. He takes a moment before continuing run his left hand over the leaves. Again, like he never lost it in the first place.

Hearing his footsteps, Rangiku raises her head. Some of her hair is still in the way, leaving one eye of out view. She gives him a wane smile. “Captain.”

He sits down next to her without a word. They remain silent for some time. The air around them is strange, but not uncomfortable.

He turns his head a fraction to his lieutenant. He wonders if she’s angry with him. She should be, and so should anyone else who is Hinamori’s friend.

“They’re letting me go tomorrow,” she says after a minute.

He doesn’t respond right away. “Me as well.”

“If you need extra time --”

“Absolutely not.” It comes out harsher than intended.

In the face of his frustration, her smile returns, albeit smaller and wistful. Then, crossing one leg over the other, she changes the subject. “Minagawa came by this morning. He said he's visit you too.”

He folds his arms across his waist. “He did. He mentioned there’s catch up on paperwork, but he’s otherwise kept other admin running smoothly.”

“He’s always been a hard worker. We should let him have a break. Hanae-kun, too. He’s been helping him. ”

Hitsugaya nods. “Neither of them may want to.”

“Stubbornness. I can’t speak for Hanae-kun, but you and Minagawa always had that in common.” It’s her attempt at her usual lightheartedness, but it doesn’t quite reach her voice.

Hitsugaya only scoffs, and its similarly half hearted. He folds his arms. “I’ll bring it up with them tomorrow.”

“Well, I hope they take you up on it.” She tilts her head back. Her hair slips over her shoulder and her bangs brush along her cheekbones. “They deserve it.”

Unsure what to say, Hitsugaya lets her comment hang in the air. They return to silence, and he allows himself to take in his surroundings. He’s had quiet moments in his room, but they were not the sort that brought him the peace. Though his mind is still heavy and his chest still aching, the susurration of the leaves and the smells of nature are soothing. It reminds him of his childhood, of days spent in the forest.

“I know what happened.”

The statement is like a stone breaking through glass. It's so sudden he flinches. He’s been waiting for this, but even knowing it would come still didn’t make it any less impactful. With a quiet, strangled grunt, he looks at Rangiku.

He’d expected accusation at worst, pity at best, and he had strings of words prepared for each, but he’s rendered speechless by the compassion and horror in his lieutenant’s gaze.

“I saw most of it from the ground. I had no idea he’d…” She takes in a long breath, her tears remaining unshed. “It wasn’t your fault, Captain. You have to know that. Everyone was under his power.”

He unfolds his arms and grips the bench beneath them.“Regardless, it happened.” And I should’ve been strong enough to stop it. "And you're wrong. I'm the reason she's receiving organ recovery treatment right now."

She leans forward, adamant. “No, you're not. You and the other captains couldn't have known. And I know your feelings about Twelfth Division. Believe me, you’re not the only one who feels that way, but Hinamori is receiving the best treatment she can right now. She’s alive, sir. There has to be a way forward from this.”

No matter how much he tried to prepare himself for the mention of her, his heart lurches and his grip on the bench becomes white-knuckled. “So, you know what she feels now, do you?”

Rangiku winces and her gaze goes to ground. “Of course I don’t, but you don’t either. I don’t think either of us can imagine what she’s going through right now.”

He could retort that he’s known her longer, can predict her reactions to anything, but the words don’t even reach his throat. Because they’re not true. He didn’t predict her actions during the invasion of Ichigo and his friends or when Aizen had set up for them to all find Central Forty-Six slaughtered.

Even when he’d retraced his steps to get back to her, he’d thought he of all people should’ve known she would act the way she did for Aizen’s sake. in the minutes before he found her on the brink of death and the man who’d slain her grinning not even ten steps away from her,

What’s to stop her from hating him now, even when she knows the truth?

He stares into his lap, both of his arms in his peripheral. Both taut from his harsh grip, but one is trained but was unable to find the strength to protect her, the other is new and too soft. “How could she feel anything else?”

Rangiku takes in a long breath, and the exhale is quiet and dragged out. “It’s not for you to know or decide whats she feels. She'll know this wasn't your fault, that you never wanted this to happen. When the time comes, you can cross that bridge, sir,”

Will that bridge ever present itself? This could be the end. She may never be able to look him in the eye again, may never forgive him for what he’s done. He wouldn’t forgive himself, can’t forgive himself.

As if hearing his thoughts, Rangiku says, “We have to be there for her when the time comes. We should visit her when we can."

His throat goes dry at the thought. All this time, he never once thought of seeing her. It should’ve been so obvious, the first thing to come to mind with planning a way forward.

"Is that wise?" he says, "considering..."

“I know it’ll be hard,” she adds, “but it’s the only way you can start again. If not at Twelfth Division, then when she’s in Fourth. You can ask about her condition all you want to those treating her, but you won’t know how she truly is and where you stand until she you see her.”

It’s not like Rangiku to be this forward and insistent. His stomach roils at the idea of seeing her. Of course he’d be anxious about seeing her, but perhaps it's the right thing to do.

He returns his gaze to hers. “I’ll think about it. In the meantime, do you feel prepared to resume your duties tomorrow? If not, you should continue to rest here for as long as you need.”

He can’t tell if she frowns at the sudden change of subject or the uncharacteristic rasp in his voice. He could cringe from it, but he manages to remain stoic. He’s on the edge, and if she continues speaking about Hinamori he may let everything out.

She shuts her eyes and presses her lips together in a tight line. She lets out a quiet, resigned sigh through her nose. “No, I’ll be fine.”

She won’t be, but like him, the work will be a distraction. So, he nods. “Good.”

_______________________________________

After Hitsugaya returns to his rooms, the day passes with only lunch and dinner as interruptions before dusk. He expects a visit from Unohana, can sense her reiatsu coming up the hallway. She turns off into another room briefly, before coming back out and going to another.

Hitsugaya lays back on his bed. Tired of staring at the ceiling, he turns on to his side, staring at the bedside table where his dinner tray had been an hour ago. He forced himself to eat against his lack of appetite, and the food is heavy in his stomach.

His gaze wonders to the door and he returns to tracking Unohana’s reiatsu. She moves into another room -- Rangiku's he realises belatedly. Sensing she stays in her room for a particularly long time, he shifts his attention to his hands, resting in front of his face.

He never thought he’d miss his scars. It seems like something Eleventh Division would mourn. Perhaps he can understand now why so many of them hold such pride in them. It’s a sign of a past battle, one survived and victorious over.

He has no proof of that anymore. Had he really learned from his past mistakes?

He shuts his eyes on that thought.

__________________________

He schooled his expression back to neutral before she came out on to veranda. She knelt at his side, and it took everything for him to not open his eyes when she lifted his head. It wasn’t far off the floorboards, but enough so that she lodged something soft underneath. A pillow?

Then she unfolded something – a sheet he suspected. “Would he need this?” she asked herself. “It’s getting colder in the evenings, he might be out here for a while.”

He pressed his lips together, hoping she didn’t see it, managing to stifle a laugh. She could be so strange. Thinking of whether he’d need a sheet or not, doing something like this when she didn’t need to.

That made something his chest tighten. He tried to ignore it. He’s meant to be annoyed at her right now.

As if she read his mind, she finally spoke again. “It’s been a while since I last saw you.” She sighed. “I wish I’d brought the news up differently. I didn’t think you’d be so upset by it…”

He wasn’t upset, he was annoyed, he told himself.

“I don’t understand though. I always thought you didn’t care whether or not I got into the Academy.” Then, to herself, more quietly. “Was I wrong? Did I miss something?”

He didn’t fully understand it himself. He always told himself he didn’t care what she did or where she went. It had been easier in the beginning when they hardly knew each other, but it took more effort as the years went by.

He should 'wake up'. He needed to stop this.

She let out a weak chuckle. “What am I doing? I should be saying all of this to you when you’re awake.”

She stood, paused for a moment. He could feel her eyes on him. Was she waiting for him to wake up? Or did she know he wasn’t really asleep? If she did, she wouldn’t have indulged him for this long, surely.

“I promise I will next time. I don’t want things to be like this before I leave.”

After several heartbeats, she left. He heard her put her sandals back on, slid the front door open, then closed it, a quick goodbye to Granny, and finally her footsteps scraped against the dirt as she rushed back into the Junrinan.

He doesn’t open his eyes until then. He twists on to his back and throws an arm over his face.

He hated the pillow pressed beneath his head, and the folded blanket left at his side within arm’s reach. He hated the painful tightness in his chest. He hated that she was going to Academy. He hated that he had been a brat to her about it. He hated that he knew what she wanted to say and that she was none the wiser.

__________________________

He awakens from a restless nap at the sound of a muffled voice. Unohana, outside his door, but she isn’t asking to come in. She’s speaking with someone else. He can’t make out what they’re saying.

Eyes half hooded, he’s back to staring at his hands.

"...you won’t know how she truly is and where you stand until she you see her."

He holds on to Rangiku's words while waiting in the stillness. They remain at the forefront of his mind when Unohana comes in to check on him and confirm he’ll be discharged tomorrow morning, and even in the hours after she leaves.

The idea of seeing Hinamori does nothing to ease him into sleep.

__________________________

Hinamori sits by the embers, knees drawn to her chest and arms wrapped around them. She couldn’t fall asleep, so she chose to retreat to her inner world again. She doesn’t want to go back to that darkness she's been floating in, as tempting as it can be.

She thinks about what Nemu had told her yesterday. She hadn't told her how the battle had ended or what happened after she had lost consciousness, and Hinamori isn't sure if was because they ran out of time or if she was keeping it from her. She tells herself it didn't matter for now.

Her friends are safe, some are being treated in Fourth Division, others have already returned to their duties. Despite the relief that brought, Hinamori wanted to ask about those who hadn’t been brought up, but too exhausted and disorientated, she chose to leave it. Even if she had the strength, however, would she truly ask?

She knows Rangiku is recovering, but her injuries had been so severe, was she truly all right? The memory of her falling to the town below, and then of her on concrete beside her as Izuru tended to her injuries made Hinamori wince. With a shake of her head, she ponders on what else Nemu had told her about her friend. How had she gotten from the Fake Karakura Town back to the Soul Society before the battle's end? Why had she?

She chooses not to think about Gin and Tosen’s fates – Nemu hadn't brought them up, but the fact she’s safe should be evidence enough they were immobilised, either imprisoned or cut down. She worries about Izuru and Hisagi. How are they coping with the loss of their captains? What about Rangiku with Gin?

The thought of Hitsugaya leaves her shaken, and she the cold that’d permeated her body and now her world makes her tighten arms around herself. She's not ready to think about him yet, but Nemu said he was recovering in Fourth Division.

Then there was Aizen. The thought of him sends a shudder through her, and she has to swallow back tears. The memories of what happened are too fresh, too confusing, that if she were to think on them she’s certain that darkness would come back.

She gazes down at her hands. They’re cast more in shadow than light. After everything, it hadn’t worked. Her training, her will, her escape that could risk her place in the Fifth Division, it was for nothing.  How can she face anyone? If she had at least proved herself in battle, would anyone have questioned her abilities? Would they see her as weak and unfit for her role now?

Tobiume’s voice cuts in and out as a whisper too quiet to hear. Hinamori returns her gaze to the embers.

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs. “I’m so sorry.”

She reaches a hand in, unfurling her fingers in the orange glow. It doesn’t burn, it never has. It flows over her in waves like the sea.

“I’ll make this better…” She bows her head and rests her temple on her knees. “Somehow.”

_________________________

<< Prev chapter || Chapter Index || Next chapter >>

[cryptidkeepp]

@exmcrtis || mack & sare

EMMA D'ARCY & OLIVIA COOKE Behind the Cover: House of the Dragon | Entertainment Weekly

[everestgale]

Spectre from STP

With pleasure :]

[Send Me a Character and I'll List Ask Game]

favorite thing about them

Her contrast, the different facets of her personality that make her, well, her. She is kind, cheery, and understanding, but she is also firm, can be threatening, and takes absolutely 0 of our bullshit. And the best part is that all of these make perfect sense - she is kind because she is hopeful you'll repent and help her leave (and perhaps because your perception skews more positive of her, after learning of what the Narrator puts you through as a "reward"), but she also never lets you forget that you still killed her in cold blood.

least favorite thing about them

This will probably be true for most StP characters, I can't think of any specific that I dislike about pretty much all of them. So most of the time, if it's going to be anything, it'll be something very minor and silly - in this case, it's Spectre's tattered skirt on her dress (it's hard to draw, that's literally it)

favorite line

"All I know is there's a hole in my chest, and not the big obvious one that you put there. There's something older and deeper. A nagging reminder that I'm not where I'm supposed to be."

...honorable mention goes to: "But if you're just leaving me then... then I'm really just going to be stuck here forever. Th-there's nothing I can do, it's just going to go on and on and on and on, lonely and sad and hurting and empty."

brOTP

I like to imagine a close friendship between Nightmare and Spectre! No particular reason (besides them being a shared pair routes), but there is something fun about them hanging out and chatting while drinking some nice tea :]

OTP

Definitely SpectreCold! There is just something really beautiful about how much they contrast each other and yet, ultimately, both yearn for similar things, it's just all feelings, connection, longing. I started really, really liking them after this post by @/wintergrofyuri. Go read it! They explain my own feelings on this ship way better than I ever could (T v T)

nOTP

Don't think I really have those for her <3 Or honestly, in general, I have very few nOTPs :]

random headcanon

I kind of mentioned it in the first question, but I think that part of the reason why she's so kind and understanding is because your / TLQ's perception of her changes as a result of the Narrator trying to shove you into the Good Ending™. Up until that point, you follow the Narrator without question and so when he essentially betrays you... you begin to see him as the "villain" of this story. And since you didn't have much of a chance to really get to know the princess before you killed her... I'd like to think that this shift in perspective also contributes to Spectre's cheery and hopeful attitude :]

unpopular opinion

I don't think it's all that unpopular, but we need more sassy and threatening Spectre <3 This is a self-callout more than anything because I'm very guilty of drawing and writing her as too kind and sweet ^^;;;

song i associate with them

"earth child's lullaby" by TOFIE fits quite nicely :]

"Close your eyes Breathe the night Come home, return Be held by the earth, now"

favorite picture of them

Look at her! She is so pretty :]

[arrow-v-flash-polls]

When joining Star Labs Caitlin was the first person that Cisco became quick friends with and the two stuck by each other though every hardship they faced. But do you like to see the two together romantically, prefer them more platonically or rather not seen them together at all?

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

Yes yes yes. Esti wanting to dash off and Brennan stopping her because he knows she'll be blamed if she immediately dives into the middle of it is exactly what I pictured too. And him managing to keep his composure only because he has someone with him who is panicking even more is... so them. Their friendship in a nutshell.

Oh hey, hey Wolf. Remember how the other day you suggested an AU where Ena is the Inquisitor/has the Anchor, and Esti and Brennan are just there along for the ride? One must consider the inciting incident of this, that Esti and Ena split up to better nose around and get information, Esti meets Brennan, and then the two of them go down to Haven to be nosy there.

And then the Conclave explodes. There is talk of one single survivor. All Esti knows is that Ena was up there in the Temple when it blew up. She's dealing with the most profound grief of her life and the only shoulder she has to cry on is that of a human she met four hours ago. And all Ena knows is that she doesn't know where Esti was, maybe she could have gone down to Haven, but more likely she's just - gone. "What do you mean," she asks Cassandra, "that everyone is dead?"

Ena stops the Breach from expanding further, everyone's talking about the Herald of Andraste, but the stories are probably so jumbled that it would take days for Esti to realize that the Conclave's sole survivor is her sister.

This AU concept simply speedruns the angst. Starting right off with it.

Brennan would actually be looking to join the Inquisition, I've realized, because this is the furthest he's ever been from his family, and this will give him something far away from them, money, etc. Like it's a mess rn but if they're taking recruits, he's got experience with horses, he'll be a messenger or stablehand or anything. Like, I think that's something in the back of his mind.

So he's sneaking around to see if they're hiring and also because he's the Trevelyan shame and he wants to be left alone and runs into Esti, who is also sneaking around, and once initial shock wears off, he'd probably offer that she could stick with him because people will assume she's supposed to be there if she's with a human, like, why else would she be walking around openly talking to one? And exploring is more fun with friends, right? And really, he doesn't believe in the Maker anyway, so it might be a bit fun to make fun of everyone.

Brennan is in the middle of a dumb joke, he's been telling them for the past hour to his new friend, (Esti, she'd said, and she likes that he enjoys taking the piss out of everything) and he's making the kinda jokes that are only funny when you're mocking the church that runs everything but you both think is kinda a load of crap.

When the sky explodes. Brennan, when he was in the templars, read a lot to escape. He ended up loving the stars and everything they knew about the night sky because he could always see it and there was so much that was incredible about it.

No book had every described the event happening above them now. The sky is split open, and Brennan has seen wounds. Reminds him of a gash, of split open knuckles, of fights he'd had in training and shallow wounds, of how something supposed to be whole pulls apart.

"What the fuck." He breathes, as he and Esti pick themselves off the ground, immediately having to grab her, "where the fuck are you going, stay here!"

"My- my sister, she was here too, she was up there-"

"Stay here." Brennan drags her back, away from everything, "are you out of you- okay. Fair enough. You're scared, I get it. Esti!" She looks at him, rather than past him like she's gonna bolt for it, "listen to me. I know how things... not like this, but they're gonna look for someone to blame. The last thing you wanna do is be the Dalish they find up there."

Esti blinks and nods jerkily, and Brennan sighs heavily. He didn't want to go back before this anyway. Esti's been the nicest person he's spoken to in the past month.

"And I'll stay with you until we find her, okay?" He offers a hand, "we stick together, deal?"

"Deal, shem."

"Please, Shem is my father's name, call me Brennan." He thinks Esti snorts at that because it's one of the stupidest things anyone's ever said, but as everyone is scrambling about around them in a panic, he's succeeded in one small thing. Keeping either of them from panicking.

He takes a deep breath, "now, what's your sister look like? You came down here, maybe she did too. We'll start where all the Chantry people aren't."

[amateurmasksmith]

Character post with Roman, Logan, and Janus? :3

hi dazey :)

Roman:

favorite thing about them

- he was somehow able to create a whole room in the mindscape, complete with custom corners for the other sides, in a manner of seconds. as someone who struggles to hold the image of an apple, that’s impressive lmao

least favorite thing about them

- I wish he’d talk to the others abt the wedding his feelings :(

favorite line

- “How could I choose between any of my darling babies?!?” <- stuck in my head repeatedly lmao

brOTP

- Him and Virge are besties :)

OTP

- Ok, hear me out: Roman x Nico x Thomas

nOTP

eh, I don’t rlly ship him with anyone tbh - so most Roman ships take a bit for me to get used too.

random headcanon

- you can gauge how good of a day Roman’s having based on what he sings in the shower. (he was silent for a week after the wedding. Virge passed by on day three, and though he swears he heard a sniffle, he told no-one.)

unpopular opinion

- …most fics with prinxiety are annoyingly ooc. (Switched is fine tho - still infuriating, but that’s directed at the goobers lol)

song i associate with them

Dance Floor by LeGrand

favorite picture of them

- his skirt look is neat!

Logan:

favorite thing about them

- he’s such a nerd /aff

least favorite thing about them

- he’s more than willing to discuss the feelings of others, but his own? Nah, he doesn’t have them. (gonna be fun to watch that blow up tho *grabs popcorn in an orange bucket*)

favorite line

- “Fun, fascinating, tomato, Solanum Lycopersicum.”

brOTP

- Him and Roman, him and Patton, or both :)

OTP

- QPR analogical my beloved (tho besties is fine too)

nOTP

- Intrulogical and Logince

random headcanon

- he suppresses a lot of stims when he’s around the others/on camera, like bouncing on his toes or tapping his fingers. (fixing his tie is one he allows himself)

unpopular opinion

- *shrug* is disliking intrulogical an unpopular opinion?

song i associate with them

Burn, from Hamilton >:)

favorite picture of them

not sure - though I do like that shot of him in the pumpkin patch during the over the garden wall cover!

Janus:

favorite thing about them

he’s a bitch 💅✨ (nah but seriously, I aspire to his level of confidence (and willingness to take care of myself))

least favorite thing about them

…I do see a bit of my own bitterness in him, sometimes.

favorite line

“And for your sake, you need to start practicing a little more selfishness.” (or just. Any of his lines from CLBG and Redux, yk?)

brOTP

- Demus/Intruceit

OTP

- QPR Moceit? Mayyyyybe loceit, if you squint.

nOTP

- Prinxceit (I just don’t see it) and Anxceit (theyre (estranged) family)

random headcanon

- He frequently lies about what snake traits he does or doesn’t have, just to fuck with people. (Including especially the fans)

unpopular opinion

- I don’t think he’s cold-blooded. *shrug* Maybe he runs a little colder, but I think he generates his own heat.

song i associate with them

-Hadestown. So much of Hadestown. (I think one of ‘em is already on his official playlist lol)

favorite picture of them

-oh, the skirt look, definitely

[menasors]

For the character one you just reblogged!

Motormaster

Scavenger

Hook

(I can send more later [this is a threat])

EPIC I like getting these asks... I've gotten all the Stunticons now (there's one for Menasor in my inbox) this is great. Read more because kind of long

Motormaster!!

Sexuality Headcanon: he has a crush on Silverbolt and that's all he knows or cares about. Silverboltromantic and asexual.

Gender Headcanon: teenager who just found out butches exist

A ship I have with said character: silverbolt maybe. I like them together however it's way funnier imagining it as one-sided.

A BROTP I have with said character: Silverbolt 100% !! They are best buds and stuck together like magnets someone STOP them.

A NOTP I have with said character: stunticones

A random headcanon: he's terribly obsessed with The Red Green show and it's inspired him to be more handy around base. However, much like Red Green, he is failing terribly.

General Opinion over said character: he's so cool. Idk where I rank him on my faves but I absolutely love the lad and he deserves a good childhood and life onward from that. Him being forced to grow up so fast makes me SICK

SCAVENGER!!!

Sexuality Headcanon: ace but jokingly says he's thriftstoresexual in his Facebook group. Everyone there thinks it's hilarious.

Gender Headcanon: got he/him'd and called sir on earth and just went 👍

A ship I have with said character: no one I don't think

A BROTP I have with said character: Bonecrusher. Idk where the headcanon came from but I started imagining that they've known eachother the longest of the team and they're inseparable.

A NOTP I have with said character: constructicons and/or prowl. nay.

A random headcanon: started collecting creepy dolls after coming to earth. Put some out as decorations around base. Everyone hates them and thinks they're cursed.

General Opinion over said character: favourite Constructicon!! He's so silly and relatable. Thrift store trinket sections are the best. His design's also very cute I like it.

Captain Hook

Sexuality Headcanon: He thinks it's stupid. Who would do that for fun with all the health risks?

Gender Headcanon: same as Scavenger. Presumed male and just accepted it.

A ship I have with said character: there's none I'd say I'm into but I like HookAid. They're cute together and would have such an interesting story..

A BROTP I have with said character: Scrapper!

A NOTP I have with said character: same as scavenger .. constructiprowl grosses me out

A random headcanon: he's found himself quite fond of nature documentaries. He hides this fact about himself from everyone but his team who all tease him for it.

General Opinion over said character: he's so so fun to write I love him. I think he's my fav Constructicon after Scavenger :]

[princesssarisa]

Winnie the Pooh for the character ask

Favorite thing about them: How cute, sweet, and innocent he is.

Least favorite thing about them: Hmm... I guess the way he drives Rabbit crazy by eating all his honey and by causing other problems with his innocent bumbling.

Three things I have in common with them:

*I'm chubby.

*I love sweets.

*I often sing to myself.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I'm female.

*I'm human.

*I like to think I have more than "very little brain."

Favorite line:

From the original books:

Cottleston Cottleston Cottleston Pie, A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly. Ask me a riddle and I reply Cottleston Cottleston Cottleston Pie.

And when Christopher Robin asks him what he likes best:

"What I like best in the whole world is Me and Piglet going to see You, and You saying 'what about a little something?' and Me saying, 'Well, I shouldn't mind a little something, should you, Piglet,' and it being a hummy sort of day outside, and birds singing."

From Disney's The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh:

When he gets stuck in Rabbit's front door and Rabbit says it all comes from eating too much:

"It all comes from not having front doors big enough."

When Tigger asks him "What's a Pooh?" when they first meet:

"You're sitting on one."

From The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh:

"You know, Piglet, sometimes people care too much. I think it's called love."

From Pooh's Grand Adventure:

"You're just in time for my favorite part of the day... When you and me become we."

brOTP: All his friends, but especially Christopher Robin and Piglet.

OTP: None, he's happily single.

nOTP: Anyone, really.

Random headcanon: In the Disney Pooh-verse, Pooh and the other stuffed animals have been passed down to different generations of owners over the years, so there have been multiple "Christopher Robins." Being naïve, Pooh and friends think they're always with the same little boy, who just "goes away" for a while, but then always comes back. But really, they've been passed down from the original Christopher Robin to his son, then grandson, and so forth. This explains why The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh has more modern technology like TV and monster movies, for example, and why Christopher Robin has an American accent in that series – he's the original Christopher Robin's grandson, and by the time he was born, the family had moved from England to America. (I can't take credit for this headcanon, though. Someone wrote it on TV Tropes.)

Unpopular opinion: I don't think I have one.

Song I associate with them:

"Winnie the Pooh"

"Rumbly in My Tumbly"

"I'm Just a Little Black Raincloud"

"The Right Side" from Welcome to Pooh Corner.

The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh theme song

The theme song of the Winnie the Pooh Playtime VHS series (which was also used with different lyrics for the similar Learning and Friendship videos)

Kenny Loggins' "House at Pooh Corner"

Favorite picture of them:

Some of Ernest Shepard's classic illustrations:

Disney's Pooh:

And as a bonus, the original Winnie the Pooh teddy bear that belonged to Christopher Robin Milne. He's less round and cuddly than our popular image of Pooh – Ernest Shepard modeled the illustrations after his own son's teddy bear instead – but still, in his own way, he's beautiful.

[basiliomagnus]

you are slowly convincing me of bastrohl honeslty (though i’m still at a brotp point) because i think the culture clash would be pretty interesting. a clemar noble and a paripus orphan from the streets. i think personality wise they would get along quite well but they’re almost from completely different worlds. i hc strohl as being pretty sheltered and awkward and possibly a little high maintenance/stuck up in the way that you would expect someone literally raised as a noble in a mansion would be but i think he would try SO HARD (a bit too hard) to get things right regarding paripus culture and whatnot. basilio would probably be more aware of clemar bullshit by nature of living in a world where clemar and their bullshit are in charge but imo strohl seems like the first person he would care about who is involved and invested in the existing power structures that louis, and therefor often he himself, despised. strohl seems like a nice guy who genuinely cares but that might be hard to reconcile with basilio’s experiences. i think they would really try to make it work and i do believe in them but boy would it not be easy.

yeah this is a big thing i think about often, even outside of a ship context. strohl and basilio have lead more or less two diametrically opposed lives that only really intersect at tragedy (loss, trauma, feelings of inferiority) and have only really recently been put in a position where they can get a glimpse of understanding as to where each other comes from. they have common ground in places, but only in the small (if critical to them) places like hobbies, their feelings on family, and their investment towards will's cause, and its like. would that be enough? would that be a sufficient enough bridge to connect and grow outwards from? can a relationship built on resonant (but not shared) trauma really become anything else? whos to say

[chevvy-ryder]

[NC_RES]_00002731 mercs_Steyr_Scharfenberg_008_JI.file ///core:_stuck_on_u.file\\\

—

⚠️ READ: Please do not repost/reupload any of my art here or to any other platform, or I will be forced to do anything to get it annihilated.

lovely Summer props by @breezypunk. 🏝️

—

First:

Brudi, I built a whole jungle beach and you almost see nothing of it when I took the pics lol. Anyhow I have my own private big jungle beach now bc I managed after a few fails to save it as a preset! Idk if I can edit it afterwards but I'll find out. It's funny bc while creating/building it didn't seem so big/huge/wide but when taking photos it's like the water is 150m away from their place they had set up the chairs lol. I just pretend it was falling tide, alright.

Here's a behind the scenes of it:

somehow I imagine V to do this all day in his net world. Like he has a program similar like Minecraft but more realistic where he constantly builds stuff like that but with a vaporwave-y touch ofc.

Now back to the pics: Yes, even my boys are sometimes just boys!

Also still. Yes! Ryder goes out into the sun. Yes, he's got more of a tan than Vijay and yes, Ryder likes this colorful pride floatie. And yes, Ryder has a good time. This is me trying to show more that Ry is not always the angry cool raver dude™ in all black. I still think he's interpreted a bit wrongly by most, like I know everyone sees a different Ryder than I do. With the right people aka closest friends around he is having a good time as he trained to ignore Beast away and as long as the mood is good, Ry feels good (ofc he keeps also playing fine a lot).

Also Vijay on the orca floatie is GOALS, okay!

PS.: It was not V who built that perfect sand castle — it was Ryder who refined it bc V's base was more like some piles of sand (he's more keen to built stuff like that in the net rather than in real life).

And the water is not blue because well … Night City is a fucking hell of a polluted city …

[avalonbards]

and then the one and only, arthur!

gonna answer this one first because i'm having arthur feels and i'm so happy you've given me a chance to talk about my boy, dear~

favorite thing about them: i mean, he's king arthur, what isn't there to love about him? haha but i think it's just how he keeps going no matter what, always pushing forward following what he believes is right and good. i know that's not exactly unique to the arthuriana, but something about how arthur does it has stuck with me the most. maybe it was the burden of kingship being forced on him from a fairly young age? i can sympathize with feeling like suddenly everyone has unrealistic expectations on you because of something out of your control. plus he wants to be good. he wants to be a good king, to show he's not just a ruler because of a magic weapon in a magic rock and some fuckhead wizard said so. arthur wants to be what his people need him to be.

least favorite thing about them: he's too willing to be the nice uncle when he should actually discipline his nephews when they need it. had he actually stepped in, stepped up and not let gawain get away without any consequences with his very obvious murder of pellinore, so much later grief could have been avoided. but arthur is too desperate to please his family, so he would turn a blind eye and at most just, weakly, said that all of pellinore's bloodline were under his protection. which uhhh didn't exactly work out now did it arthur?

favorite line: this bit from vulgate lancelot part 1 is so funny to me and i can't explain it. bisexual disaster arthur confirmed.

brOTP: is there really any choice besides with his own foster brother cai/kay? well, i guess also i really like arthur and guinevere being friends honestly. and naturally arthur and all his family members are one big brotp technically! i even like him and morgan to have a bond, however strained it may become.

OTP: unsurprisingly to anyone who follows me, it's bedivere/bedwyr x arthur. the beauty of the most loyal knight being in love with his king who loves him in turn but it must all be kept private? in a way it's kind of a mirror of guinevere x lancelot but i have a preference for arthur and bedi's relationship being one guinevere approved of and encouraged.

nOTP: any form of incest, i don't care which of his family members it's with i don't want it keep it away. aside from that? lancelot x arthur if it's not done as lancelot being a pining loser with one-sided feelings.

random headcanon: arthur looks almost exactly like his mother, even down to having a similar height as her, igraine was fairly tall for a woman in my writings but still this makes arthur pretty slight in comparison to most men his age. still, he's got a definite beauty to where only a few traits similar to uther show, the freckles across his cheeks when he's been in the sun for a while, the shape of his eyes, and his nose being the main features.

unpopular opinion: while i like the vulgate i dislike the way it opened a path for arthur being "villainous" or basically just there to be hated on by readers in later narratives. i prefer arthur to be a flawed but ultimately noble and good man who cares deeply about his kingdom and people and especially his friends and family.

song i associate with them: god okay so technically it's two songs so the first is "the moon will sing" by the crane wives (specifically this cover by annapantsu) because "Tell me once again / I could have been anyone, anyone else / Before you made the choice for me" is so arthur with his quiet resentment towards myrddin and even britain itself despite how much he loves britain and its people, which matches the rest of the lyrics. the other song is "flowers" by hana hope because of the lyrics "What else shall we let go / To live our lives the only way we knew / The birds are soaring in the sky / So high above us all, we who cannot fly" really suit him i would think.

favorite picture of them: these little doodles i did of my arthur! i'm actually working on another picture of him but for as much as i love him i don't draw him much kjfdnhb

[desertfangs]

GET TO KNOW YOUR MUTUALS

Tagged by: the super cool @sam-reid (thank you!)

What’s the origin of your username?: I wanted a new one (I can't even remember my old one now???) and it just came to me, I don't know. Deserts are full of snakes, snakes have fangs... vampires have fangs.

OTP(s) + ship name: My OTP of all time is Armand/Daniel (Devil's Minion) and they have been for like... years and years. I've also fallen in love with Marius/Daniel (Maridan) in the last few years. But I ship a lot of the VC ships. My (primary) OT3s are Armand/Daniel/Lestat and Marius/Armand/Daniel. I don't think they have names. BroTP w/ benies? Lestat/Daniel all the way.

Favorite color: Purple. I don't wear a lot of it (I mostly wear black... lifetime goth) but if I'm buying something other than clothes and it comes in purple, that's the color I'm getting.

Song stuck in your head: The Giver by Chappell Roan.

Weirdest habit/trait: I talk to myself more than I should.

Hobbies: Writing, Reading, Baking, Video Games

If you work, what’s your profession?: I work at a real estate tech company doing back end support stuff. It's not glamorous but it pays the bills.

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be?: Lottery winner so I can spend my free time traveling, writing vampire nonsense, and generally enjoying life, ha! But if I could make a living at it, I'd love to write books.

Something you’re good at: I'm great at making little cheesecakes in my instant pot. Also I think I'm pretty okay at writing.

Something you hate: The state of my crumbling country and the disgusting bigotry and racism that's helping destroy it Mushrooms

Something you collect: Vampire Chronicles books with different covers, Octopus Plushies. I used to collect shot glasses from everywhere I traveled but I don't drink anymore and I gave most of the collection to a housemate when I moved - I kept the cool masquerade masks one I got in NOLA though. I've started collecting magnets when I travel instead.

Something you forget: That Rose and Viktor exist LMAO sorry That not everyone's brain works like mine and sometimes that means how I think I'm coming off is not at all how people see me

What’s your love language?: Acts of Service. I tend to do things for people to show I care or try or offer to do things. It makes me feel good to feel helpful and useful.

Favorite movie/show: Definitely into Yellowjackets right now, that show is constantly throwing me through a loop. I also recently really loved Agatha All Along - nice to see an asshole protagonist who's a woman tbh. Some of my favorite shows of all time are Community, The Walking Dead, Pushing Daisies, and The Last of Us.

Favorite movies include Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Ghostbusters, and Lilo and Stitch.

Favorite food: Probably pizza because it's so versatile but I also love sushi a lot.

Favorite animal: Octopuses. Cats. Whales.

What were you like as a child?: Aggressively undiagnosed autistic and weird. I didn't have a lot of friends but everyone would come to me to bitch about their friends when they were annoyed, lol (I guess I'm a good person to rant to.) I got better at making friends in high school, though I still struggle with it. I spent a lot of time playing with Legos and reading books.

Favorite subject at school: French.

Least favorite subject: Math. I am so bad at it it's embarrassing and the reason I didn't go into science tbh. I'd have made a kick ass geologist.

What’s your best character trait?: I'm reliable AF. If I say I'm going to do something, I will absolutely do it unless forces conspire against me.

What’s your worst character trait?: I'm stubborn and tend to self-isolate and then feel lonely and rejected even when it's my own fault. Basically I'm way more like Marius than I should probably admit

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet: Maybe Leonard Nimoy. He seems like he was a cool dude. I did see him once at a Star Trek convention but did not get to speak with him, alas.

Tagging: @leslutdepointedulac, @inexplicablepeas, @fofoqueirah, @this-writer-needs-coffee, @rebelrevenant and @tulinokkaelain (tried to avoid tagging anyone I'd already seen tagged) - and anyone else who wants to do this.

[raayllum]

i desperately need your sweetest headcanons of ez and rayla being Siblings

Mandatory Rayla&Ezran brotp tag drop here & first some rambly meta cause like, a lot of this is based on the concept(s) of Ezran and Rayla fundamentally being more like each other than either of them are like Callum

Like they both grew up friendless (whereas Callum seems to have a lot more ease in actually interacting with new people & I've always HC'd him having less friends out of choice, cause those potential ppl didn't get along wit his brother) and feeling perpetually different, they both (like Claudia) take on their parents' previous paths and feel the weight of it. They also tend to have a lot of similar esque insecurities and hangups ("I feel like I'm letting everyone down" 3x03 —> "I failed them, I let them all down" 3x04 / "It's not fair you have to go through this alone" 5x02 —> "I knew I had to be strong alone" in 5x04 / self blame tendencies with "You knew? I'm an idiot! I should've figured it out" 2x08 —> "Ugh, I'm such an idiot. I should've figured it out" 1x09) and are both very much bleeding hearts. They're also willing to pivot away from prior missions (bringing Zym home) for causes they see as more worthy in a lot of ways — going home to rule (the individual collective) and freeing Phyrrah (the individual stranger) — even if that separates them from others and/or puts them more at risk, cause they're just loyal to causes and ideals and self-imposed responsibilities tethered to those concepts like that? I love them

Like they both are like Callum — Ezran is emotionally open and inclined towards vulnerability, like him, which Rayla is not, and Callum and Rayla, esp in arc 1, take on responsibilities that Ezran do not & all their stuff with adoptive dads and communication etc etc. — but they're also more similar to each other than they are to him. More on that here & here + bonus S5 hammering that in more than ever (Rayla going with Ezran's plan in 5x05 anyone?)

Now onto the actual headcanons

Rayla doesn't have a lot of patience for games (cards, chess, etc.) and will be a sore loser/give up when playing with just about anyone else (including Callum) but she can never say no to Ezran over it, and he's so earnest/having such a great time she can never be a total grump when they do play games together

Ezran is the one who primarily took care of her Shadowpaw, for obvious reasons, in the castle stables until she returned, hence why sweetie pie was waiting for her & ready for the Lux Aurea trip

The little archangel lunaris on his backpack was absolutely chosen with her in mind <3

Both Rayla and Ezran possess an abundance of faith in other people, and this is shown best when they're being supportive of or defending one another ("She'll know what to do" —> "He can do this, we have to believe in him" —> "She's alive. And wherever she is, she loves you too")

Rayla weaving a little braid into his hair and having Ezran weave one into hers as well because braids are for love and family, and they are certainly both to one another

This shitpost, which is really just them getting stuck on and continually adding to dumb bits for each other to laugh at

Playing pranks back and forth on Soren and sometimes on Callum

Mostly they just tag team chores like "making sure Callum has eaten and slept and left his study recently" / keeping their favourite mage out of his head

Rayla giving Ezran stealth lessons and Ezran having Rayla bake jelly tarts with him

They always insist on being on the same team when it comes to snowball fights at the Banther Lodge

Ez loves to infodump about certain things and Rayla loves to let him, especially since his trains of thought and ramblings are a bit easier for her to follow than his brother's (most of the time)

Rayla having Ezran teach her how to notice things about illusion animals so she can have an easier time telling the difference (Soren teases her about it and she socks him in the stomach)

This isn't really so much of a headcanon as it is a canon observation but in battle sequences Callum doesn't really usually focus (outside of when he's using said magic to protect Ezran) on getting Ezran away from the danger, instead trusting Rayla to do so — and she always does (1x06, 1x08, 1x09, 2x04, 5x09)

Because she's just his friend and not his subject (or for now, an official member of his council the same way), Ezran finds himself seeking out when he just needs to have dumb kid fun, and Rayla is always down to help him

On that note she's very good at knowing when he needs space vs when he's okay being fussed over (Callum, Opeli) and telling people that even when he may not be able to express it himself because non-verbal times / feeling overwhelmed

Whenever they go on roadtrips in the future, Rayla does her best to bring special snacks around for him (and teach him how to forage, which animals can help him with too)

Eventually when Ezran is a little older, Soren needles him about learning how to defend himself, and Ezran dreads having to hold a sword and initially refuses. But Rayla plops down beside him and talks him through it and reaffirms that they just always want to make sure he's safe, and that's what gets him to come around to the idea

Ezran and Rayla both being physically affectionate people — Rayla slinging her arm along his shoulders, Ezran often grabbing her hand as a sign of support (most often the one she was going to lose to the binding) and squeezing gently, like a reminder that they're both still here and everything's okay and/or going to be alright

Rayla tears up when she realizes that Ezran is finally taller than her, much to his mild annoyance and amusement

Ezran helps Rayla with her proposal to Callum, and does not tell her (or his brother) that Callum is also planning to propose lmao

[loosesodamarble]

Can you answer for any one of the CinPhen boys.

I get to talk about more otome characters on my main blog~! WHEEEEEEE~!

Thank you, Anon! I'll answer for Rumpel/Chevalier because that man is in desperate need of love! AAAAHHHH!

Favorite thing about them: I think Chevalier is the only "flirt" archetype character that I'm really passionate about. It does take a while for that aspect of his character to be addressed in his route but I think it’s well handled and curbed.

Least favorite thing about them: Him calling himself "ancient" at age 24 has aged poorly since now I'm older than him and I think "dang, my self-esteem gets shot in the foot whenever I hear that line now."/lh

Favorite line: This line from early on in Rumpel's route stuck out to me because it is a show of his character (always looking out for others' well-being) but it's just plain good advice.

All you have to do is listen to people, sympathize with them, maybe get to know them, and you can make them happy by doing even small things for them.

We can't all be grand philanthropists or change the world through outstanding charity work, but everyone can still help others in smaller, simpler ways like being a listening ear. It's nice to be able to do big gestures of care but that's not always possible, but aiming for small acts of kindness is still kindness.

brOTP: Chevalier & Annice. I think it's sweet to see Chevaliar take Annice as a student (best seen in the Evermore sequel), it shows how people in-universe see the admirable qualities of Chevalier and he can take charge.

OTP: Chevalier x Klaude. Vitriolic friends to actual friends to lovers anyone? Also, the way the game's themes of honesty vs secrets and selfish vs selfless overlap with these two particularly fascinates me.

nOTP: Chevalier x Annice. They work much better their their canon friends + teacher/student dynamic.

Random headcanon: His dad was a serious flirt and his mom was super into it, kinda explaining how he is so good at flirting and why he doesn't really see the negatives of it.

Unpopular opinion: Why do people dislike him/his route so much? I suppose flirty characters are hard to make appealing to a lot of people. Maybe the harsh turn near the end threw people off? Or maybe it's the admittedly slow first half dealing with Chevalier's flirting and past relationship.

Song I associate with them: Never Getting Rid of Me from the musical Waitress has this fun and infectious energy as well as showing off a guy who persistently pursues the woman who captured his heart so I think it works for Chevalier. Not a perfect fit since the in-song reactions of Dawn (the pursued woman) are more nervous while Lucette is annoyed by Chevalier's dramatics. But hey, it's my own personal association.

Favorite picture of them: The moment when he makes Lucette laugh and the way he looks happy to have been able to do that for her (even if it was at the expense of his pride a little). They're cute together, guys!

[hazbmymhotel]

Gotta ask you about our mutual love: Husk for the meme uwu

My NOTP for them

Ahhh…unsure…I ship him…so hard…

My BROTP for them

Radiohusk: Husk x Alastor! I feel like they're Statler and Waldorf from the muppets

My OTP for them

TuxedoCats: Husk X Mordecai!!!! I love them together. They can be toxic af, they can be warm

My second choice pairing for them

Cardshark: Husk x Vox. I'm terribly hot for them 🥵 Big tv man and tiny kitty? What can I do?!

My fluffy pairing for them

Huskerdust: Husk x Angel. Very cute, soft, talk for hours

My angsty pairing for them

CasinoSweep: Husk x Niffty, stuck in a tortuous loop under Alastor. Also I headcanon sometimes that Husk had dementia and Niffty was brought in for his nurse.

My favorite poly ship for them

StickySpaceTuxedos: That's Rocky Rickaby, Mordecai Heller, Avocato and Husk ofc.

C a t s.

Oh! Or

CasinoCats: Husk x Vox x Mordecai x Freckle x sometimes Rocky

That one is from my longest running rp with Husk

My weirdest pairing for them

Harem!Husk

All of them, all of them, all of them

Can we ship it? Yes. Huskcest? Yes. Travis? Yes. Charlie and Vaggie throuple? Yes.

(edited to add more gifs)