#bro computers are fucking cool as shit and i cannot WAIT to go to work in this field

[theredtours]

this is completely unrelated to my blog or anything of the like, this is 100% a personal post, but I just started a course in IT and I swear to god I have never been so immediately interested in a topic that sounded only moderately useful and not actually fun. IT IS SO FUN AND I AM SO GLAD I WAS WRONG.

[cecelianonymous22]

fuck it. help desk otp prompts

I accidentally downloaded malware can you please fix it no I wasn't trying to pirate something what do you mean

You're really cute but you asked if I was hacking your computer when I opened task manager and now I don't know what to think

BRO WHY DO YOU HAVE 50 TABS OPEN CLOSE THEM PLEASE

My friend gave me your desk's number and I thought it was one of those sex hotlines. It was not.

You came in while I was working by myself and blasting the most disturbing/obnoxious music and I didn't realize you were watching me jam out

I really need to get my computer fixed but I cannot stand your coworker playing Banana Phone on loop

You want me to fix your tablet but instead of money, you offer to pay with an art commission? That's weird as shit, I don't think HOLY SHIT WAIT NVM YOU'RE ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD

You're fixing my computer and I'm rambling about all the best emulators to play Pokemon because you haven't told me to stop talking

You're hot and I wanna look smart to you when you come in with something to fix, but I have no idea how the fuck to fix it. I don't want to ask my coworkers for help because I want to impress you

You guys have a shitload of snacks and I haven't had breakfast this morning, can I please get a bag of chips or something while you fix my laptop?

DUDE GET YOUR DOG OUT OF THE HELP DESK?? THATS NOT EVEN A SERVICE DOG????

You're a real jock type and you called me for help with your laptop, I've explained everything like five times just listen to the fucking words that come out of my mouth

We're coworkers and we start arguing over PC setups/movies/video games

My boss is an asshole and I don't know you but you seem cool and I'm tired--wanna ditch this place and go grab some coffee?

I'm working on your laptop but you keep doing funny shit at the security camera and I'm trying not to laugh

You walk into the help desk in the middle of a heated (and pointless) argument with me and my coworkers

You ask me why I have a camera cover on my laptop but you look like the kinda guy to be an asshole if I told you I was just paranoid, so i just lie to you

You work on software and I work on hardware. You always give me computers to fix with little sticky notes on them and lately, I've noticed you've been writing these little messages on the backs of them

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO YOUR PHONE??? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE??

Your mom took your phone from you while I was on the line and she is such a fucking Karen, I'm praying that she gives you your phone back because she doesn't know shit about technology and your voice is so much nicer than hers

You and me are the tag-team coworkers that give each other looks whenever someone asks dumb questions about their tech

[t0th3-ark]

More Than Metal

Gavin Reed x Android!Reader: Part 2

Warnings: cursing, guns, alcohol use, crime scene, blood

Part 1

Analyzing Sample…

[Analysis Complete]

Sample Contains:

Thirium 310: 96%

Blood: 2%

Human Plasma: 2%

Analyzing Thirium…

Model ID - AP400

Serial Number: #495 345 12-8

"The fuck are you doing?" Gavin interjects. (Y/N) looks over at him as she kneels at the puddle of blue blood, fingers to her lips. VN opens her mouth to speak but Gavin holds up a hand. "Y'know what? I don't wanna know." Reed scoffs walking into another room.

○ Follow Detective Reed

□ Contiune to Investigate

● Follow Detective Reed

(Y/N) stands, following Gavin from a distance. Gavin glances around the blood stained apartment. "This is so gruesome shit." He mutters. VN tilts her head.

○ Question tactics

□ Urge him to continue working

◇ Leave to investigate in another room

X Continue to follow

■ Urge him to continue working

"Detective, I believe we should collect evidence. You seem distracted." (Y/N) states, hands behind her back. Gavin glares at the android. "You don't get to order me around, plastic." He grits.

○ Question tactics

◇ Leave to investigate another room

X Contiune to follow

X Contiune to follow

(Y/N) remains silent LED flashing blue. Gavin shakes his head kneeling down to inspect the floor where the victim was killed. (Y/N) stares at the blood splatter on the walls.

Analyzing Splatter…

[Information Acquired]

WEAPON: Kitchen knife

ANGLE: 43.2°

VN blinks. "The deviant was an AP400 model, a caretaker. It lived here with it's owners." Gavin looks up at (Y/N). "And how do you know that?" He ponders aloud. "I analyzed a sample of thiruim, there," She says, pointing to the floor. Gavin cringes. "That's fuckin' gross." He murmers. "The deviant was injured. It's blood was mixed with the victims, meaning, it couldn't have gotten far." (Y/N) explains. "We should proceed to the station to interrogate the survivors." She says. "I thought you said we needed to collect evidence." Gavin says, crossing his arms as he stands. "We have gathered enough information from this location." (Y/N) concludes. Gavin laughs, mockingly. "Look at you, smarty pants." Gavin teases, getting a confused blank expression from the android. "Never-fucking-mind. Let's go, dipshit." Gavin growls, walking out. (Y/N) hesitates, wanting to ask him if he was angry with her. That didn't matter. Why did she care?

Gavin walks through the automatic doors of the DPD. He heads by his terminal throwing his keys on the desktop. Hank watches the two walk back in. "Hello again, (Y/N)." Connor says, nodding at her. He smiled. VN nods at him. Androids weren't programmed to smile. Where they? "Good afternoon, Connor." She says, flatly. Hank snorts, grabbing her attention. "I fail to see what is humorous about our interaction, Lieutenant." She says, eyeing Anderson. Hank raises his hands as if he were surrendering, turning back to his computer. "Fuckin' androids." He mutters. "Would you hurry the fuck up? I don't have all day." Gavin says, impatiently tapping is foot on the floor. "Yes, detective." (Y/N) obeys. Connor's LED swirls yellow as he watches her go. "I have an unknown feeling." Connor says to Hank. "I think you may be worried, kiddo." Hank says, frowning. "And you wanna know somethin'?" Hank says, leaning towards Connor. "Me too."

Gavin huffs, slumping down in his desk chair, spinning around mindlessly. (Y/N) watches him, eyes following him as he spins. Gavin stops, glaring at her. "What did I say about the fuckin' staring, tin can?" He complains. "I apologize." VN says, looking somewhere else for his comfort. "Fuck it." Gavin announces. "I'm going home." He says, getting up from his chair. "I beleive we still have work to do, detective." VN says, her LED swirling blue. "Yeah well, Fowler can bitch at me tomorrow about it." He says, walking past her. VN quickly follows him. "I do not believe it is wise to leave your work unfinished." She says, referring to the stack of paperwork on his desk. She watches him swipe his card to clock out. He doesn't say away but holds his middle fingers up at her, with a strange expression. VN watches him exit. Her LED swirls yellow.

○ Follow Detective Reed

□ Stay at the Precinct

● Follow Detective Reed

(Y/N) walks through the automatic doors, following Gavin out to his car. Gavin glances over his shoulder, seeing her following him. He groans, stopping at his car. "What do you want?" He demands, unlocking his car. She stands on the other side of his car.

"I was assigned to help and assist you. I do not think leaving work to drink is a good idea, so I will be going with you to the bar." VN says, opening the car door and getting inside. Gavin stands there, mouth open. "Wait a damn minute." He protests, bending down to look at her sitting in the car. "You ain't doing shit! Get the fuck out." He orders. "I'm afriad I cannot comply, sir. According to your current physical and mental health, drinking alone could put you in danger." VN says, maintaining eyecontact. "Get out." Gavin says again. He wants to pull out his gun and shoot her brains out but something in him doesn't have the strength too. He's tired.

Yet another silent drive. Gavin's radio is turned up on a dangerously high level. VN isn't bothered but is worried about the effect on her partners ears. She concludes it is best to not comment, due to his recent outbursts. Gavin pulls up to Jimmy's, a local bar, and parks his car. Gavin opens the car door, putting his keys in his jacket. VN exits after locking the car doors. She walks behind the detective, deducting that he didn't want her by his side. She notices the package of cigarettes sticking out of his pocket. She assumes he has a lighter as well, somewhere on his person. 

Scanning...

[Jacket Scan Complete]

FELINE HAIR: 

• Burmese

• Chartreux

OTHER:

• Zippo Lighter (Sliver) 

    • Engraving: "Love you little bro. -Elijah"

• Cigarettes (Marlboro 12ct.)

• Car Keys (To: Camaro, Model: 2023)

• Stain - Front: Coffee (2 days old)

• Stain - Collar: Lacrimation from tear ducts

VN stops analyzing as they enter the bar. Gavin exhales, pretending he isn't being followed by a tin can. (Y/N) looks around. It's dimly lit, quiet. Music plays and it smells of alcohol, cigarettes, and cigars. She puts her hands behind her back, following Gavin to the bar. He pulls out a stool, hopping on top. A bartender, assumed to be Jimmy, saunters over to her partner. VN stands close to a wall, analyzing every detail of the bar. "Hey, kid." Jimmy says to Gavin. VN attempts to give Gavin privacy with the bartender but can't exactly turn off her sensors. " 'Sup." Gavin sighs, leaning against the bar. Jimmy chuckles, glancing at the out of place android against the wall. "That yours?" He teases, gesturing to (Y/N). "Don't give me that, J." Gavin scoffs. Jimmy laughs, boisterously. Gavin can't help but smile a little. Jimmy was pretty cool and he gave great philosophical advice. 

"Watcha want to drink, son?" Jimmy asks, turning to the wall of drinks. "Brandy on the rocks." Gavin says, pulling out his box of cigarettes and his lighter. Jimmy sighs. "Rough day, huh." He says, pouring his drink. (Y/N) watches carefully. She started to get an unknown sensation across multiple sensors in her being. She scanned herself for malfunction or errors. Nothing. VN tilts her head to herself. What was that sensation? It wasn't an error or a malfunction? Possibly a glitch. She shakes it off watching the detective. The sensation returns. She attempts to flush her systems, but it remains. She ignores it, concluding it was a glitch. "You can say that again." Gavin says. Jimmy slides him his drink watching him closely. "You look tired, kiddo." Jimmy comments, leaning against the other side of the countertop. Gavin chuckles. "Everyone says that. I'm fine, J." Gavin lies. "C'mon, Gavin. Talk to me. It's a slow night." Jimmy pries. Gavin sighs, lighting the cigarette between his fingers. He raises it to his lips, taking a drag. He looks down at his drink.

VN glances around the room, unintentionally listening. The sensation had left. She wasn't alive. She couldn't feel. It was a simple glitch. "It's been hard without him." Gavin says, taking a sip of his brandy. This peaks VN's intrest. "I know. You seem to care about him a lot." Jimmy responds. He must know more than she knows about the situation. Gavin glances at the android that accompanied him, downing his drink. Jimmy sighs again. "Is that thing givin' you trouble?" He asks, grabbing the glass to refill it. Gavin takes another drag of his cigarette. "Yeah it is. Fuckin' Fowler assigned it to me or whatever." Gavin says, words full of spite. VN feels the sensation return. Her LED blinks yellow.

Analyzing...

[Analysis Complete]

Malfunction?

[Access Denied]

(Y/N) blinks, LED pulsing red. She straightens her posture, ignoring the sensation, yet again. Jimmy nods, following Gavin's story. Gavin takes a swig of his drink again. "You two get along?" Jimmy asks, tapping on the counter behind him. "Fuck no." Gavin snickers. Jimmy smiles, almost sadly. "The things been following me around like a dog. Gets on my fuckin' nerves." Gavin sighs, finishing his second glass. (Y/N) notes his blood alcohol content. Jimmy grins at the detective. "Maybe she's there to help you. Ever thought about it that way?" J asks, grabbing his empty glass again, pausing. "Oh, that's utter bullshit. Don't side with them, Jimmy." Gavin spits, putting out his cigarette in the ashtray on the bar. "I'm only sayin', maybe it's there for a reason, kid. You look like shit. It could help you, y'know." Jimmy shrugs, filling his glass again. Gavin snorts, feeling the buzz kick it. "Thanks, J. How nice." Gavin teases. "Give it a chance, Gav." Jimmy pushes. "No way in hell am I trusting a piece of plastic." Gavin argues, gladly accepting his third drink. (Y/N) decides to step in. "Detective," She starts. "Fuck off." Gavin grits, waving his hand at her. Jimmy watches the two. "I beleive you've had enough." She states, hands behind her back still. "This is only my third so fuck off." Gavin growls. He usually had a better alcohol tolerance but not today.

"Your BAC is nine point two and increasing. This can impair your judgement and functioning." (Y/N) says. Gavin laughs. "You're not my babysitter, tin can." He says, lifting the glass to his lips. VN snatches the glass out of his hand, putting it on the bar. "What the fuck?" Gavin hollers, clambering out of his chair, almost falling in the process. "The alcohol had already taken affect, impairing your vital judgment. It is time to leave, sir." (Y/N) says, sternly. Her LED blinks yellow, analyzing his next move. Gavin reaches for his gun, which VN anticipated. She reaches forwards, knocking the gun out of his hands. "Hey, hey, hey!" Jimmy shouts. "No blood on my floor!" He says. A few people have formed a crowd around Gavin and the android. "Detective, we are leaving." (Y/N) says, picking his gun off the floor and pocketing it. "You fuckin' piece of shit," Gavin slurs. "You think you came come in and- and fuckin' steal my job, huh?" He raises his voice, grabbing her by her uniform again. (Y/N) looks down at him. She notes the pain, evident behind is glassy eyes.

○ Let Detective Reed continue 

□ Render Detective Reed unconscious

■ Render Detective Reed unconscious

"Detective, I apologize, but this is for your own good." She says, gaining a confused look from Gavin. She presses her fingers into the point where his neck and shoulder meet. Gavin crumbles to the ground, (Y/N) catching him before he hits the ground. VN wraps his limp arm over her shoulders, hoisting him up. "I apologize, sir." She says to Jimmy. "Eh, don't worry about it. His drinks were on the house anyway." Jimmy says, waving her off. "Take care of him, okay?" Jimmy says. (Y/N)'s thiruim pump falters for a moment, catching her off guard. She scans herself again, not finding anything wrong. The crowd had disappeared, seeing that there would be no fight. She gives Jimmy at curt nod before bascially dragged her partner out the door.

(Y/N) had successfully put Gavin in the passenger seat, starting his car. She pulls out into the road. She had located the detective's apartment, following the coordinates. Once she arrives, Gavin is still unconscious. She drags him out of the car. It would be easier to carry him in her arms, so she does. Walking up several flights of stairs, she reaches his apartment door. She glances down at the keys on his key ring and then at the lock, analyzing the differnt key prongs and the internal structure of the lock. She selects the correct key, unlocking the door. Several cats, greet her at the door. A Burmese and a Chartreux cat. They purr and meow at her as she closes the door. (Y/N) scans the apartment. It's quite messy. The trash seems as if it hasn't been taken out in weeks, pizza boxes litter the counter and differnt files and papers litter the living room. (Y/N) contiunes, walking into Gavin's bedroom. Clothes cover the floor, along with an unmade bed. She sets her partner in the bed. She surveys the room again, finding the comforter on the ground. She nods to herself.

(Y/N) carefully removes his jacket, hanging it on a hook behind his bedroom door. She covers him with the comforter, studying him. He seems peaceful. His face, relaxed. No tension is held between is eyebrows. She tilts her head, reaching towards his face. There it is. The strange sensation in her sensors. She gently brushes his hair out of his eyes, almost mesmerized by how peaceful he is, compared to when he's consious. (Y/N) quickly pulls away as he rolls over in the bed, grunting in his sleep. She looks around his room again. It was very unorganized. She walks over to his half empty dresser, pushing the folded clothes back in order. She closes the drawers, gently. VN then, straightens the differnt colognes and pictures frames on his dresser. One catches her eyes. A picture of, what she assumes is Gavin as a teen, and another male. She tilts her head, the male seeming familiar. She straightens the frame, ignoring it.

VN picks up the dirty clothes off the floor, placing them in the hamper in the corner of Gavin's room. She could see the floor now. She turns off the lamp on his nightstand, straightening the things on top if it as well. She looks around the mostly clean room, leaving Gavin's room. She then drags the overflowing laundry basket out of his room. She closes the door behind her, seeing his cats staring at her. She looks down at the Burmese one as it rubs against her leg. She watches them pad off into another room. (Y/N) looks down the short hallway seeing the bathroom. She peeks inside. It was spotless. Strange. She walks into an empty room, what she assumes to be a guest room. It holds nothing. She walks out, going back to the main living room. Papers, magazines, files, newspapers. You name it. She grabs the file box in the couch, picking up all the papers and files, organizing them alphabetically. It took all but thirty minutes an twenty seconds. She puts the file box beside the couch. She puts all of the magazines and newspapers neatly on the coffee table. She picks up all of the empty and half empty coffee mugs, placing them softly in the sink. She would load his dishwasher later. 

(Y/N) straightens his crooked TV on the wall. She then proceeds to organize his movies by type, then alphabetically. The living room was finished. She clicks on the lamp, closing the curtains. The sun was setting outside. It was six twenty-two. Androids didn't need sleep but she decided that when she finishes she would enter low-power mode to pass the time. She heads to the kitchen. It was filthy. (Y/N)'s LED circles blue. She grabs all of the dishes that were dirty and puts them neatly in the dishwasher. She puts the soap in, turning it on. She grabs a trash bag, placing the numerous empty pizza boxes inside. She empties the trash putting the bags by the front door. The cats come back in, hearing her working. "Hello." (Y/N) says, kneeling beside the cats. She looks at their collars. Coco and Bean. Who knew the detective liked cats, owned them, and gave them matching names. (Y/N) stands, beginning to wipe down the countertops, that were dusty and covering in crumbs. She puts the leftover pizza that wasn't old or moldy in the almost empty refrigerator. She rolls up her jacket sleeves disinfecting the grime in the sink. She notices his landlines blinking on the counter. She lets the chemical sit in the sink, walking over to the phone. Twenty new messages from the same number with the name Eli. She concludes it would be best to leave them be. 

(Y/N) had loaded the washing machine with Gavin's dirty clothes. She had taken the towel from the dryer and folded them neatly, placing them in the linen closet. She rinses the sink next. Spotless. The apartment looked organized and neat. Nothing like the detective from the outside. It was currently twelve forty three. She blinks, hearing the dishwasher stop. She unloads it putting the coffe mugs, plates and utensils back in their respective places. Ealier, she had hauled the trash down to the dumpster behind the apartment complex. She was satisfied with the outcome.

(Y/N) completed all of the detective's laundry leaving it neatly folded ontop of the washer and dryer. She didn't want to disturb his slumber by putting away his clothes. She was finished. VN puts the detective's gun in a drawee in the kitchen. She walks over to the couch, sitting down. The cats jumps up, one testing in her lap and the other lying down beside her. She was interested in why the cats liked her so much. She'd have to research it later. She decided to enter low-power mode.

Low-Power Mode Loading...

[Entering Low-Power Mode]

3...

2...

1...

-LOW-POWER MODE ON-

taglist

@sweet-sage-tea, @bts17army

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s stepkid

Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader

warnings: alcohol mention

a/n: i rushed these so bad i just wanted to post dhhshsnsna

prompt: y/n is pepper’s kiddo!

it was just you and your mom for a long time

pepper and y/n potts

she couldn’t keep up with you sometimes, too busy dealing with the manchild that was mister anthony edward stark

speaking of—

“uh, who’s this?” -tony, pointing at you

“mr. stark, i am so sorry, the school closed because some kid set fire to the science lab and i didn’t have time to find a sitter—”

“no, it’s fine, no need to apologize. hey, kid, you wanna sit in the boss’s chair? i’ll let you run the company for the day!” *cue you nodding* “sweet, would you mind that, ms. potts?”

“oh? no, not at all” *mouthing* “thank you”

“so, uh, what’s your name? no, don’t tell me: ketchup.”

*giggling* “y/n”

“no way! that was my second guess!”

tony wasn’t used to being around kids

he had no idea that he was actually kind of good around them

despite a few minor hiccups

“you sit in my chair and im gonna spin you around, sound like fun?”

he spun you around WAY too fast and you were diiiiizzy, also you fell off the chair

“don’t tell your mom that we did that. she may be my assistant, but she scares the shit out of me. also, don’t say ‘shit’”

dude he just thought you were a cool kid!!!

“hey, you know, ms. potts, you dont really need to hire a babysitter anymore. y/n’s doing just fine hanging out here”

“how am i not surprised you befriended an actual child?”

she still took him up on his offer, you seemed pretty happy

when your mom worked late, you passed out in tonys office

tony and you had your own little secrets (like falling off the spinning chair), tony showed you around stark tower, and you practically lived there

“i got you a happy meal from mcdonalds!” -tony every day after your school

in all honesty, you weren’t the “popular” kid at school...not even close

but tony made up for it

“y/n! i found this old racecar toy in a box of old stuff, you wanna hold onto it for me?”

you kind of grew up in stark tower tbh? it was pretty cool

and as you grew up, you started to notice more

“mr. tony, do you have a crush on my mom?”

“do i what? no, no, i do—who the hell am i kidding? you caught me”

“called it!”

after that you did everything to try and get them together

when your mom was talking to tony, you would stand behind her and wiggle your eyebrows and just taunt tony endlessly

no! tony cannot remember your mom’s birthday for the life of him! you are his calendar now

“dude, why dont you just ask JARVIS to remind you?”

“i may be a genius, but that doesn’t mean i have common sense”

“wise words, sir” -JARVIS

when tony disappeared for 3 months you were so sad???? like you were not okay at all

no

and when he came back, he literally exited the plane saying “WHERE’S ‘T-POTT??’”

(your wonderful nickname. ‘t’ for ‘tony jr.’ and ‘pott’ for ‘potts’)

“my mom missed you”

“oh, i bet she did”

“you turned my child into you, tony. i will never forgive you for this”

“well, at least y/n was here to fill in for me, huh?”

tony wanted to show you the arc reactor but he was actually afraid of scarring you lmfaoooo

but he did let you in on the iron man secret (he knew you wouldn’t snitch)

and just to make sure:

“if you dont tell anyone, i’ll buy you a car when you turn 16”

“man, that’s like, forever away”

“good, maybe you’ll forget by then”

ur mom kinda maybe sorta found out abt iron man :/ she told you that tony was a bad influence

“mom! no, tony’s cool! he’s like a superhero”

“no, sweetie, he’s a rich guy with issues. we’re leaving”

that didn’t last long

not long at all

and soon they FINALLY got together

“jeez, i thought you two would never stop pining after each other”

“couldnt have done it without my wingman” -tony *fistbump*

“as thanks can i have my own iron man suit?”

“yes.” *pepper glaring at him* “no.”

sooner or later your mom and you moved into tony’s house and you got a really big room!!!!

it was completely decked out

king sized bed, flatscreen tv, mini-fridge, microwave, computer, your own bathroom with a smaller tv, a poster of tony??? (you vandalized it and put it in his workshop), and more!!!

okay you were spoiled

“do you like it here? are you sure i made the right choice?” -pepper

“are you kidding, mom? this is awesome! plus, you’re happy, i’m happy, tony’s happy, i think JARVIS is even happy!”

“i am, mx. potts. simply ecstatic” -JARVIS

pepper was really happy!! it was a pretty cool family

you started giving your school tony’s number if you ever got in trouble, you knew he’d cover for you

“mr. potts, is it?”

“sure”

“your child, y/n, punched another student in the face today. we’re very disappointed in their behavior”

“why’d they punch the kid?”

“well, the other student punched y/n first”

“HAH! thank you for wasting my time. send y/n back to class and call me back if something important comes up”

he literally gave you a high five when you got home

“i gave him a black eye!”

“i couldn’t be more proud. i mean, i dont condone violence, but self defense is a whole other story”

a little help in the workshop, tony asks you to hold the flashlight

“why don’t you get one of your robots to hold this for you?”

“are you kidding me, you’re complaining? we’re having stepdad/stepkid bonding time! and dum-e can’t do anything right, i dont trust him”

youve had a few theme park trips as a family ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also tony has 100% told you to wait in the car and then left you alone for 2+ hours

“i’m not like a regular dad, im a step-dad. want some beer? you can have a little sip. i’d rather you do it in the house”

your mother actually does love how he actually cares about you!

“y/n is 12% my responsibility” -tony

“tony, you are impossible” -pepper

no avengering for you! pepper said no!!!!!!

disappointed but not surprised

iron man 3: y/n potts is put through the wringer

Text Message to Mr. Tony: bro you better come get your girl, me and happy are watching this other guy flirting with her. he’s showing her pics of his ‘big brain’

Mr. Tony: HE WHAT

Text Message to Mr. Tony: Tony he looks creepy i don’t want him to be my new stepdad do something!!!

anyways ur house kinda blew up and ur mom and you kinda got kidnapped and u were right abt that guy being creepy and thankfully no experiments were done on you but like your mom kinda almost died and her and tony were fine!!! all good in the end

you met mr. col. james rhodes that day

“aw, you’re the kid ive heard so much about” -rhodey

“you mean the coolest kid in the world?check.”

“you cant tell me you aren’t tony’s biological child, good god”

you got to meet the avengers later on too! (you’d already met natasha tho, only briefly)

“i know it can be a little overwhelming, right? meeting all these heros, legends even—” -rhodey

“oh, my god, is that thor? thor!!” -you, leaving rhodey in the dust

literally why does pepper trust you around tony something always goes wrong there were literally robots attacking, you were only at avengers tower bc your mom was busy with the company and she thought you’d be safe with the avengers. the AVENGERS.

“please dont tell your mom that i created a bad robot that tried to kill us. the robot will be the least of our problems” -tony

he made happy pick you up and you had to miss out on FUN and it sucked a lot

“it’s okay, y/n! i’m fun, too!” -happy

then your mom and tony took a break and your life got mega-boring for a while, but they weren’t separated for that long. you try not to think about it. it was brutal

Mr. Tony: Does she miss me?

New Message to Mr. Tony: I think so. Either that or she’s crying and drinking wine in the dark for no reason.

Mr. Tony: Damn it, now I feel bad. I miss her a lot. Oh, also, the Avengers say ‘hi,’ I’m in Germany with some bad news, I’ll explain later if you don’t see it on TV first, and I found you the perfect friend! His name is Peter and I think you’d like the school he goes to, it’s in Midtown. Smart kid school.

New Message to Mr. Tony: I’ll look into it, thanks. Also, I don’t like how those all connect. Please update me asap

watching the news to see several avengers arrested, cap on the run, and more!

“maybe it was good i didn’t fall in with the avengers”

tony and pepper finally got back together and you actually transferred to midtown high! peter and his friend group accepted you quickly, it was great. you and flash unfortunately had the most in common

you’d literally text happy right next to peter and he’d immediately reply to you. it hurt peter’s feelings

Momma: Sweetie! I’m working in the office late, leftovers are in the fridge, hope you have a wonderful day at school! 💕

👉👈the vulture tried to kill you for being tony’s stepkid, tony made peter promise to protect you

“y/n, you gotta stay out of harm’s way. mr. stark gave me an actual mission and it’s terrifying, i have to make sure you stay safe”

legit why the fuck was this old man tryna kill you bro grow up

anyyyywayssss your mom and tony got engaged!!

“wow, i thought the day would never come!!” -you

ppl told you tony isnt your stepdad bc ur mom and him werent married but who tf asked

why is the earth always in fucking danger

you and peter were just vibing on the field trip bus and all the sudden: space donut

“go! i’ll cover for you...FRIDAY, call tony”

“...hi there, little one”

“what the fuck”

“oh, so you see the aliens, too? well, at least im not crazy”

tony stark has left the atmosphere

you and your mom were kinda......not chillin tho

she and you didn’t sleep for a few nights, then ppl just straight up disappeared

plot twist: you survived the snap and your family was lucky to be alive, you even got a little sister who became a big handful!

only bad thing was all your friends dusted and you were pretty lonely

but watching morgan grow up kept you busy

“ahhh, shes so big!”

happy times in bad times

bad times!!!!! bc after five years thanos came back as thanos from like ten years ago. outdated thanos. obsolete thanos.

but you made your first and only appearance in the suit tony actually designed for you many years ago

you should have just stayed home tho bc that fight didnt pass the vibe check

“please dont tell me he...no, no, no, no, no”

you and your mom latched onto each other in tears, tony was one of the best people in your life, he made you and your mom two of the happiest people on earth

best stepdad a kid could ever ask for

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

[trenchcoatkitten]

So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah 

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST) 

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue. 

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks. 

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice) 

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me. 

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers! 

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it? 

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours. 

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good. 

ily :’)

[echodrops]

The Promises I Made (2019 Edition)

For the past thirteen years, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. 2019 was… a nightmare that I can barely believe I survived, but I still kept some promises that I honestly did not expect I ever could.

This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!

The Promises I Made (2019 Edition)

1) Be more proactive about tracking and following up with struggling students to decrease the number of students who drop from my class when they realize they cannot pass. Status: Somewhat broken? I tried really hard to be proactive with my students; however, there were some massive issues outside the classroom this year that made it extremely difficult to keep the focus on the students. When administration drags your attention away from the class, there is not a lot you can do…

2) Find a place to put in volunteer hours because uhhhh like this is actually important to my work evaluation and I definitely need something to write in that section… Yikes, this spring is my last chance to do this!! @_@ Status: Kept. I volunteered with the Utah Shakespeare Festival and it was super fun!

3) Install the fire escape window in the Utah house, no matter how much it might cost, because I can’t get a totally unrelated tenant in that basement without said window… Status: Somewhat kept. Okay. This one is a LONG story, but to be fair to me, I worked my ASS off to try and make this happen; just every single thing in the world prevented me from completing this promise, up to and including the city telling me I needed a permit AFTER I had already dug a massive hole in the ground for the window…

4) Buy sod to add grass to the front portion of the lawn so that it no longer looks like garbage. Status: Broken, but I did buy grass seed and put that out there. Unfortunately only some of it sprouted, but there is indeed SOME grass now growing there…

5) Fix the bricks near the windowsills on the Utah house to prevent long-term damage. Status: Broken. After dealing with the stupid window disaster, I had no time for this at all.

6) Get a watering system for my roses at the Utah house because I think my bro is probably killing them and that’s just not cool. Status: Broken, see above.

7) Work on the patio at the Utah house before it just flat out falls down. Status: Somewhat broken. Again, I tried to make progress on this—I called a patio guy to come out and assess how much it would cost to fix the patio—but the price I was quoted was so high that there was nothing I could do at the time.

8) Paint the stairwell so that there’s no chance of anything like lead paint or asbestos being exposed. Status: Broken. The leftover wallpaper glue continues to confound me…

9) Trim the backyard bushes so the neighbors don’t hate us anymore… Status: Broken. We trimmed a few bushes and at least got to the trees out front, but definitely a majority were left uncared for.

10) Move into a new house in Texas where I can get real internet, please for the love of god… Status: Kept. I moved into a very nice house with no scorpions!

11) Save money for my upcoming trip to Japan! 2020 baby! Status: Uhhh, broken. I’m not sure how I thought I’d be able to move into a new house AND save money for an international trip at the same time…

12) Get my wisdom tooth removed because it’s still there and still killing me, yikessss. Status: Broken. AUGH. I’m an idiot.

13) Make an appointment with an eye doctor for like the first time in years. Good job, Yehn, good job. Status: Kept. I got my glasses fixed and even got a new pair of glasses too!

14) Get my prescriptions refilled because I’m dwindling on asthma medicine and like… I could die from this… I should never have been left to care for myself; I’m not mature enough for this responsibility… Status: Kept, surprisingly. But I still need a new doctor because the last one I was going to wouldn’t give me any refills…

15) FINISH THE GIVEAWAY PRIZES I PROMISED LAST YEAR because holy shit I am incompetent and the worst and everyone has permission to hate me for starting things and never finishing them, fuck. Status: Broken. So broken. I am the worst.

16) Go dolphin watching in the Gulf for real this time. Seriously, it’s $10 Yehn, you can do this. Status: Kept, amazingly. It wasn’t as impressed as hoped; however, there was a lovely sunset.

17) Return to the Channel Islands to take better pictures. D; Status: Broken. T_T

18) Level all my classes to 70 in FFXIV before next expansion, please. Status: Somewhat broken. I didn’t have everything to 70 before the expansion, but I kind of feel like I should get credit for this one, because HEY, look at me now:

19) Organize and properly label all the photos on my computer so that I’m no longer desperately combing through folder and folder in blank confusion, looking for a single picture in a sea of thousands… Status: Kept. It took me like eight hours of work, but I actually did this.

20) Update Home and a Half more than once? PLEASE??? The guilt I feel over this currently is crushing. Status: Broken. And the guilt grows…

21) Complete the online American Literature class I am designing on time and with no corrections needed. Status: Kept. I’m counting this as kept even though TECHNICALLY there was one thing I forgot to finish and it came back and bit me in the ass; however, I was approved with no corrections needed.

22) Earn 100% completion for Kingdom Hearts III. So excited! Status: Broken. Um… This just didn’t happen.

23) Update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Somewhat kept. I wasn’t any better about sending cards really, but I did at least save all the birthdays in my phone so I remember them.

24) Get the garbage disposal in the Texas house fixed ASAP so I don’t have to wash the dishes by hand anymore because I absolutely hate that particular chore. Status: Kept. Then I moved, so it didn’t even matter.

25) Finish all the books my coworkers and friends bought for me recently so I can thank them for their recommendations! Status: Broken. So broken.

26) Actually move into my new place instead of leaving it completely undecorated and lifeless. Status: Remarkably, kept. Nothing has plastic on it, unlike at my old house where the nightstand didn’t get unwrapped even after two years of living there lol.

27) Try hard to get Creative Writing into a different area of the general ed. core so that more people will enroll in it. Status: Kept. I’m counting this because I did my darn best, but we are still waiting on the state to tell us whether or not the class will be accepted.

28) Get caught up on my Ebird reports, even the old, old, old ones I never put in because I was slacking. Status: Kept, actually. Whoo.

29) Throw away/return/sort all the stacks of old mail in the house (OMGGGG they’ve made me look like paper hoarder and I’m nootttt). Status: Broken. There’s just… a lot of papers to go through…

30) Clean up the garage before moving so that I don’t have to fight spiders to move when the time comes. Status: Broken, in that I did not clean up the garage in advance and did, in fact, have to fight spiders when it came time to move.

31) Find a way to boost grading productivity so that each class takes only two days to grade, maximum. Status: Somewhat kept. I was definitely better this year than last year; however, I really think the “two days per class” thing was too optimistic, so for the future semester, I allotted myself three days per class and I think it will work better.

32) Go to a totally new restaurant and try their food. Status: Kept. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I had trompo tacos (al pastor) which is probably not anything special to anyone else but it was my first time so lol.

33) Cancel old credit cards to make sure my credit is good before trying to buy a house (although I just checked my credit score and I’m in the great range already, so this is mostly for posterity’s sake). Status: Broken. But it didn’t affect my loan, so I guess it was okay. And it ended up being good I didn’t cancel my Best Buy card because I was able to get good financing on the new appliances I needed for my house.

34) Get official contracts from my tenants so I can use my rental income in my next loan calculation. Status: Broken, but I ended up not using that as part of the loan calculation anyway >_> so…

35) Talk to an HR rep about my retirement savings so that I can consolidate all my retirement accounts into one. (Man, look at all these ADULTING promises.) Status: Broken. Look at me failing all these adulting promises.

36) Really finish decorating my office so it looks super cute and all my students want to visit me. Status: Broken, but I think it sucks that I have to write this because it was really not my fault I couldn’t finish decorating my office. Our offices were all moved and disrupted by building remodels so I spent the entire year basically working out of a couple cardboard boxes.

37) Not sign up for ANY more new responsibilities at work in the spring semester. This is the biggest challenge. D; Status: Kept, by technicality. I was able to avoid signing up for anything new in SPRING… But fall… was a whole other story. XD

38) Migrate all the rest of my books to the new Texas house instead of leaving them in Utah… SOMEHOW. Status: Kept. I’m going to count this as kept. The only books left at the Utah house are my manga—I managed to bring literally every other book, which is very impressive considering I had only my small Camaro with its tiny truck space.

39) Use my twitter account more often to make it worth following. I will try!! Status: Kept… sorta? I mean, since I didn’t use the account AT ALL before, making even one Twitter post kind of counts as using it more, right? >_>

40) Keep my hair cut nicely so I look less like a mess (than I really am). Status: Somewhat broken. Although I think I got my hair cut more often this year than before, I don’t think I looked any less like a mess. XD

41) Successfully find a bridesmaid dress for my friend’s wedding that matches the rest of the wedding party. Status: Actually kept! It was incredible. The wedding I was in was even featured in a magazine because of how pretty it was!

42) Make sure my skin is in good condition for the wedding so I don’t look like a disturbing ghost… Status: Kept? I mean, in the end, looking like a ghost ended up being the whole point since it was a Halloween themed wedding so I kind of won either way.

43) Complete my BNHA manga collection. Since my bro bought me a bunch of the volumes for Christmas, I might as well. Status: Broken… I bought like… one volume. XD

44) See a groove-billed ani. (It’s another type of bird.) Status: Broken. Very illusive bird. T_T

45) Respond to messages, asks, and comments more quickly. I promise I’m not ignoring people… D; Status: Um, broken. I left many people on read this year, sorry.

46) Lose ten pounds so that I feel more fit and comfy. Status: Broken. I didn’t exercise at all this year, uff.

47) Pay down credit card debt by at least 1/3. Yikesssss, I really need to do this quick. Status: Broken. It’s hard to pay down a credit card when you pour all your money into buying a new house…

48) I will finally fucking finish that chapter 73 analysis of Noragami… I swear to god… Status: Broken. Uh yeah. This didn’t happen. V_V

49) Reach 1700 followers on Tumblr. You should follow me—I’m only marginally a waste of time and space! Status: Kept. Over 2500 followers now!

50) I will keep these promises. LOLLLLL. Status: Somewhat kept/somewhat broken. One year I really will keep them all…

 Totals Kept promises: 18 Broken promises: 24 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 8

Well, there are more kept promises than last year at least… It was another really hard year, what with moving in the middle of the year, over-working, dealing with so much drama with the reaccreditation on our campus, and just EVERYTHING all at once this last year… I keep thinking things are going to calm down and then they never do. Please 2020… just let me rest…

My new set of promises will be up on the 1st!

[elsa-the-snowbitch]

And tell me some things last

AKA the fic in which I address Matteo’s depression as personally and I hope as gently as possible because I too am a Depressed GayTM (pansexual, but like semantics) 

And also there is David content because of course there is

for Mika, @detroitdavid because he is a real gem 

Sometimes Matteo can’t even tell when it begins. It just creeps up to him, slowly and makes life so much harder to balance like the books on his shelf that are just tethered there by sheer will.

But sometimes, like today, there is just a weight on top of him, a heavy blanket that muffles the world, drowns out all the noises, all the feelings. When he woke up, he already knew that something was different.

He has difficulties with getting out of bed most mornings but this morning, he has to force himself to open his eyes in order to look up at the ceiling. He can’t move, can’t speak and it is not even sadness that brings him down, it is the hollowness in his chest, the emptiness of his room. It is cluttered, clothes strewn around, beer bottles on the table and his nightstand but it is empty at the same time. A true reflection of how he feels.

His phone buzzes on the nightstand and as much as he wants to look, he cannot physically bring his body to move in any direction. It is as if he is stuck, trapped. He didn’t want to just cry like a child but there is nothing he can do about the pillow getting wet.

There is nothing he can do about the fact that he is late for school even if it is only spirit week. Jonas, Abdi and Carlos are waiting for him, he knows that. They wanted to come as a team, as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But today they will have to make do without Michelangelo. He just can’t. Sara is waiting for him as well and he is not willing to pretend for another day but she was so sad when he rejected her.

Why can’t you tell her? Are you scared?

And yes, he is scared. Terrified of all of his masks crumbling to dust once they know. Panicking at the prospect of his parents knowing. Jonas finding out what he did. Not being able to hang out with the boys anymore because they might be disgusted by him.

Not knowing what David might think of him.

His phone buzzes again and this time it stubbornly carries on buzzing. A call.

It takes such an effort to move his hand, it is as if he is navigating through fog but then finally he is able to pick up his phone.

Jonas. Of course.

“Hey, bro. Abdi, Carlos and I are here in front of the school, man, where are you?” he asks and Matteo swallows. It takes several tries to speak and when he does, his voice is raspy, as if he hasn’t used it in years.

“It’s not good today, dude,” he manages and swallows again. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth and he is forcing himself to hold his phone. He cannot force himself to smile or sound positive though and Jonas notices, of course he does. He is his best friend. And he went through a phase like this himself, after Hanna and him broke up.

Your fucking fault, Matteo a voice whispers in the back of his mind but Jonas interrupts it. “I’ll tell the teachers that you aren’t feeling well, okay? We shouldn’t even have classes anyway but hey, the system doesn’t care. Do you want me to come over?”

Matteo is so grateful that he could cry but there is nothing but numbness right now, so he shakes his head, belatedly realising that Jonas can’t see him so he whispers a “No. And can you tell Amira? I just…”

“Sure. No problem. I am busy later but I can ask my study partner in maths to bring you your stuff, okay? He is pretty cool, let me even copy his homework once,” Jonas says and he sounds cheerful. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t just give out your address out to anyone.”

Matteo just hums his acknowledgement and closes his eyes again as Jonas ends the call. Blessed, cursed silence. Faintly he can hear music and laughter down the hall, Mia seems to have a visitor. At least one of them is happy and he envies her for a moment.

The hours seem to stagnate and rush all at once, he hears voices in the kitchen, one moment in all of those hours Hans sticks his head into Matteo’s room to bring him piece of bread with cheese and a glass of tea. He doesn’t say anything, he just carefully kisses Matteo’s forehead as he leaves and again, there are tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. It is such a simple sign of affection and still, it hits Matteo harder than he wanted it to.

The bread and the tea almost taste of nothing but he manages to eat and drink.

Something is better than nothing.

And then the doorbell rings. There is a voice.

“Jonas asked me to bring over Matteo’s stuff for him, so… uh… hi.”

Fuck. It’s David.

David is Jonas bench partner in maths. Why was Matteo never privy to this piece of information?! And why is he here? He shouldn’t see Matteo like this.

“Matteo, my little butterfly, you have a visitor!” Hans calls out and he sighs, rolling over to face the door of his room (his own room. He has his own room). It truly is a mess.

A knock. It is soft and careful, so different from what he has gotten to know David. “Can I come in? Or are you contagious? Jonas told me that you aren’t doing well. I can also just put your stuff in front of your door and… leave.”

Is it just Matteo’s imagination or did David hesitate on that last word?

It is your eyelash. You should know what to wish for.

“No… I… come in. Please.” Matteo’s voice wavers on the last word and he flops back into the pillows, looking up at the pattern of the ceiling as the door opens and David steps in. He waits for a comment, for a derisive scoff, for the door to immediately close again but then the mattress dips and his heart lurches, picks up again in double time. Shit, he is right here. On his bed. Sitting so close that they almost touch but far away enough that Matteo’s heart isn’t in full escalation mode. But he wants. He wants to touch so badly.

For a couple of moments neither of them say anything but then David moves, fumbles in his black backpack (of course it is black) and Matteo just observes him, the line of his neck, the way his black hair curls, his skin that looks as if it would be soft underneath Matteo’s fingertips. Stop. Stop right there.

David makes a triumphant little sound and holds up a headphone splitter and two pairs of headphones, a smile on his face and now there is something underneath all the numbness, the smallest tendril of curiosity, the smallest hint of fondness.

Is he really doing this? Listening to music with someone he is utterly drawn to?

Is he really this stupid?

To answer all of those questions: yes.

“Can I…?” David indicates and there is a brief moment of awkward shuffling until they are both situated on Matteo’s bed, their legs almost touching and this time it is not Sara sitting opposite him, it is David sitting right next to him, here on his bed, holy fuck.

But it’s not Spotify or iTunes or any other music app David opens. Instead he indicates towards Matteo’s laptop that is teetering dangerously close to sliding off the bed, hanging on by force of gravity and dumb luck alone. Much like Matteo is sometimes.

And it is incredibly private to just hand over a laptop, who knows what might be hidden there. Maybe his google search which would really just add to the awkwardness of the situation. But he does. He hands over the thing he spends most of his afternoon on and lets David type away, searching for whatever it is he wants to watch with Matteo.

“No peeking, this is supposed to be surprise,” David gently chides him as Matteo tries to catch a glimpse of the computer screen, a small smile playing on his face and it takes everything Matteo has in him not to stare so blatantly. They are so close that he would be able to count each one of his almost ridiculously long eyelashes. The emptiness is not as noticeable anymore and how can it when the guy he spent nights (and days) thinking of is right here next to him?

“There we go. Found it. It’s live,” David says and hands one pair of headphones over to Matteo. Their fingers brush and his skin begins to tingle, he begins to notice that he has a body, that he isn’t just existing but that he is alive. 

Of course he knows that feelings aren’t the all-heal cure for him, that feelings can be too much in some moments, can drag him down to the bottom where he is currently floating aimlessly while listening to something called Motown with David but they can sit with each other in silence and Matteo doesn’t feel like he has to do anything but be.

“Does this happen often?” David finally asks, his voice careful, as if he is scared to shatter the bubble that has built around them, the comfort. “That you are like this?”

Matteo wants to shrug because that is basically his default mode but he thinks twice. David deserves better than a noncommittal shrug. “Yeah, I…” (be stupid, deflect, make a joke out of it, I am so tired of making it a joke). “It’s the depression,” he finally answers and can feel the corners of his lips struggling to tick up into a smile. Doesn’t work that well. “My dad divorced himself from the situation, my mum is… (crazy, off her rocker, psycho) not doing well and I just. I had to leave. I couldn’t live as a caretaker of my mum when she is supposed to be the adult. I am so tired of feeling lonely and rejected and out of the loop, I…”

He trails off with a sigh, closing his eyes, feeling wrung out and empty, sorry for himself and for David, that he has to witness him being a massively whiny bitch. “Sorry,” he finally says and feels a gentle tug at his sleeve (at his heartstrings) and David looks at him with so much understanding that it almost hurts.

“Hey, no, don’t worry. I get it. You can leave all your word vomit with me, I am good at keeping secrets. The last time someone spilled any secret was the time I had to kill them and move states,” David calms him and there is something in his eyes that speaks of more than just a simple joke. “Let’s just listen to music and not think of anything. Not that that is hard for you.”

A surprised laugh bubbles out of Matteo and shoves David gently.

Outside, the clouds disperse slowly and a ray of sunshine carefully creeps its way into the room where two boys are sitting on a bed, sides pressed together like two magnets, listening to music, occasionally smiling at each other.

And it feels easier than anything Matteo has ever done.

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

Banned for Discord Crimes on Main

Here’s a dose of Bullshit Defense AU nonsense no one asked for: Athena and Trucy’s Discord chat. I’m sorry for the length. Mostly I regret what scrolling down through my blog on mobile will look like with this.

[The server is named “The Dumpster”. There are seven text channels: general, space is gay, cat memes, all other memes, complaining about work that isn’t gay space, cryptids, and hell tier memes.]

August 17 6:27 pm [The Dumpster] [general]

Apollo has joined the server. Say hi! 

GRAMARYE FFFYEAH Polly! Polly!! P O L L Y P O L L Y 

Apollo this was a mistake 

GRAMARYE FFFYEAH Nooooo Polly 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend This is Uncle Ray’s new employee? 

GRAMARYE FFFYEAH Yep!! 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Dope

Apollo so uh who are any of you Trucy did not tell me about who is in this chat when she explained it 

Arrested for Light Theme Crimes No introductions. Hell has no easy guide. 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Woah calm down Edgelord 

Arrested for Light Theme Crimes No. 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend I made this server and am your god You live and die as I see fit And so do your usernames 

Apollo uh 

16 plants in a trenchcoat Thena why 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend I am your god 

Back-Alley Dealer of Vintage Cat Memes Hi Apollo! I’m Pearl. Trucy’s told me about you. I hope Athena doesn’t scare you away. She’s Nessie’s girlfriend. Trenchcoat Plants is Juniper. 

Apollo oh thanks who’s edgelord 

Back-Alley Dealer of Vintage Cat Memes As best as I understand him, Batman. 

Arrested for Light Theme Crimes Yes. 

Apollo also does she mean nessie like the loch ness monster or 

Arrested for Light Theme Crimes Yes. 

Apollo uh ok 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend She’s REAL and she’s MY GIRLFRIEND!! 

Apollo ok 

10:32 pm [general]

Dirt puns all day holy shit dude dude @Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend why didnt u tell me u know apollo @GRAMARYEFFFYEAH EXPLAIN YOURSELF EXPLAIN WHO ARE YOU HOW HOW DID YOU GET APOLLO HERE 

A Polly … ……. Clay? 

Dirt puns all day Y E E T 

A Polly wtf also what is my name 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend It’s you 

A Polly it’s reall ynot Clay what the fuck 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend My mom works at the space center Holy shit I can’t believe you two know each other My entire social circle is just an increasingly overlapping venn diagram 

Arrested for Light Theme Crimes So you mean it is simply one circle. A social one, if you will. 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend I am coming over to your house to kick your ass 

10:46 pm [space is gay]

Dirt puns all day @Arrested for Light Theme Crimes ur sister threw a robot at my head today 

Arrested for Light Theme Crimes She does that. 

11:15 pm [general] 

GRAMARYE FFFYEAH It’s ~magic 

Dirt puns all day u cant answer every question w that 

It’s Magic~! Oh yeah?

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Now look what you’ve done Also how have I never met Apollo before if you used to drag him to the center all the time Like How did our paths not cross 

Dirt puns all day It’s a mystery 

A Polly I was confused enough about how everyone knows each other even before this happened 

It’s Magic~! Me and @Back-Alley Dealer of Vintage Cat memes are cousins I think Wait no My grandpa is married to her aunt So that’s like Uh What is that 

Arrested for Light Theme Crimes First cousins, once removed, I believe. 

It’s Magic~! Oh cool thanks I didn’t know if it was still cousins or ended up at something complex like whatever the hell you and Thena are now 

Arrested for Light Theme Crimes I’m her uncle. It’s very simple. 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend You’re like annoying brother material at best “Uncle” sounds like Real 

Arrested for Light Theme Crimes And I am just a figment of your imagination I presume. 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Ye No it sounds like Authoritative A position of respect But all it means is that your sis married my mom And you’re still just my shitty loser bff “““Uncle””” Lmao 

Arrested for Light Theme Crimes I thought Juniper was your best friend. 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Yeah she is my best friend You’re my Shitty Loser Best Friend It’s different titles

18 plants in a trenchcoat Aw thanks Thena 

A Polly this does not help me understand how everyone knows each other 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Junie and I have been bffs for ages And Trucy and I met bc her aunt works with my Shitty Loser Best Friend Whose sis married my mom And Clay and I are Space Center Bros And Trucy and Pearly are cousins It’s all pretty simple see 

A Polly I mean I guess Does anyone else lurk in here @everyone 

Surrounded by Fools No. 

A Polly uh ok cool 

August 18 9:22 am [general]

It’s Magic~! People Park an hour and a half be there or don’t get to see cool magic and get noodles later 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Dope 

.

August 29 12:49 pm [complaining about work that isn’t gay space]

Shitty Loser Best Friend @Surrounded By Fools Get down to my office. I need to speak with you. … @Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Seriously?

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Yeet 

Escaped Prison for Light Theme Crimes No. 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Dude why do you want to stay a light theme heathen/convict 

Escaped Prison for Light Theme Crimes It is preferable to “Shitty Loser.” 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Noooo but the best friend part is good Is it still preferable now Is it Huh Is it Huh Answer me you coward 

Surrounded by Fools @Recaptured and Executed for Light Theme Crimes I have an office phone. You have an office phone. We also have office computers and office emails. You do not need to get my attention in this foolish chat with these foolish names.

Recaptured and Executed for Light Theme Crimes You could uninstall the app from your phone anytime, yet you continue to respond. Also yes Athena it is still preferable. 

Surrounded by Fools You come up to my office. 

Recaptured and Executed for Light Theme Crimes I cannot. Taka is asleep on my shoulder. Moving would wake him. 

Surrounded by Fools It is your choice whether he be woken now with your movement or soon when I arrive to yell at you. 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Noooo Taka is an innocent 

A Polly who the hell is taka 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Bird 

A Polly never mind 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend No really bird 

[Attached is an image of a brown hawk wearing a yellow bandana.]

A Polly what 

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend Bird 

.

September 9 9:16 am [general]

Dirt puns all day @everyone  GUESS WHOS GOING TO SPACE GUESS SPACE SPACE IS GAY AND IM GONNA BE GAY IN SPACE

Nessie is real and she’s my girlfriend !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

23 plants in a trenchcoat Congratulations! That must be exciting! 

SPACEMAN SPACE GONNA BE IN SPACE 

It’s Magic~! Congrats but also Polly is killing my eardrums I hear you screaming on the phone 

SPACEMAN PERISH THEN 

It’s Magic~! Are you talking to him while texting this chat Is that what’s happening 

SPACEMAN SPACE SPAAAAAAAAACE 

Back-Alley Dealer of Vintage Cat Memes Wow! That’s amazing! Space! 

SPACEMAN SPACE 

Back-Alley Dealer of Vintage Cat Memes Space!! 

SPACE! Space! 

SPACE Space 

SPACEMAN THIS IS HAPPENING MY DUDES SPAAAACE 

SPACE~ Space!!! 

11:41 am [general] 

A Polly what the hell have I come back to

SPACEMAN THE SPACE SINGULARITY 

SPACE We are legion. 

Space! We have become as one in our excitement about space! 

SPACE! Space!! 

SPACE SPACE 

SPACE! SPAAACE

SPACE!!! I guess I have no choice 

SPACEMAN JOIN US 

SPACE~ ONE OF US ONE OF US 

Space! One of us! One of us! 

SPACE! Has “space” stopped looking like a word to anyone else or is it just me? 

Space! Oh I thought I was losing my mind. It’s not just you! 

SPACEMAN SPACE 

SPACE!!! space 

SPACE~ S P A C E S  P A  C  E 

SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE 

SPACEMAN WE ARE ALL SPACE GAYS EVERY DAY BUT ESPECIALLY ON THIS FINE DAY 

Space! Space! 

SPACE! SPAAAACE 

1:27 pm [general]

Recaptured and Executed for Light Theme Crimes What, perchance, the fuck. 

SPACE SPACE 

SPACEMAN JOIN US 

Recaptured and Executed for Light Theme Crimes I will make of my sister a request to throw more robots at your head. 

SPACEMAN Oh god please don’t

5:43 pm [general] 

A Polly @SPACEMAN  I can’t believe you’re actually going to space 

Remorseful for Space Crimes Bring me back a moon rock I mean I have a moon rock earring from my mom But I want more moon rock Because moon rock 

A Polly wouldn’t the samples be heavily regulated in their use and not be allowed to like take a part of it and yknow 

Remorseful for Space Crimes Ask not questions ye not want the answer to 

Recaptured and Executed for Light Theme Crimes Do not speak like that ever again. 

29.5 plants in a trenchcoat Thena is your mom a criminal? 

Remorseful for Space Crimes NO!!!! 

It’s Magic~! Your name would be fitting for that too 

Remorseful for Space Crimes No!! 

SPACEMAN SPACE 

It’s Magic~! SPACE 

29.5 plants in a trenchcoat SPACE! 

Back-Alley Dealer of Vintage Cat Memes Space! 

A Polly SPACE

Recaptured and Executed for Light Theme Crimes Enough.

Remorseful for Space Crimes Wow you’re really no fun allowed guy huh 

Unrepentant for Stopping Space Crimes Yes. 

.

October 9 3:02 pm [general]

Spacedude hey uh apollo apollo whatthe fuck is up with kristoph gavin what the fuck 

A Polly I will be asking that question for the rest of my life 

It’s Magic~! fuck 

4:34 pm [general] 

Widget Shut Up Challenge @It’s Magic~! @A Polly Are you guys okay 

It’s Magic~! yeah 

A Polly nop 

Widget Shut Up Challenge I’m coming over 

It’s Magic~! I’m fine 

Widget Shut Up Challenge I’m calling your dads and asking if that’s true 

It’s Magic~! Athena seriously 

Widget Shut Up Challenge Shit I don’t have your dads numbers I’m calling Uncle Ray

Legitimate Antique Cat Meme Appraiser I’m getting a train ticket. 

October 10 1:23 pm [general]

Kristoph Gavin Perish Challenge No one human was meant to eat that much Eldoons I think I’m dying

Gee Simon How Come You’re Allowed to Have TWO Katanas I am surprised. I wasn’t aware that you are human and bound by such limitations. 

Gramarye Yeet Three bowls. 

Surrounded by Fools Dunk her in a tank of water and that may help sustain her long enough to begin an infusion of water to flush the salt out. 

Kristoph Gavin Perish Challenge I’m not a frog I don’t drink through my skin I don’t think it would work like that anyway I’m fine 

Legitimate Antique Cat Meme Appraiser She’s lying facedown in the grass. Don’t believe her when she claims to be fine. 

127 plants in a trenchcoat Thena why

.

November 30 2:37 pm [general]

The Gavinner has arrived.

Suffering t trucy @Glam Gramarye trucy explain yourself trucy explain how how this has happened and why trucy i didnt want this name to be this appropriate 

The Gavinner Hello Forehead~ :D 

Suffering I’m abandoning this server effective immediately 

The Gavinner D: 

Spacedudeman apollo apollo u coward u can’t leave apollo @Suffering

Suffering we are literally in the same room don’t @ me 

Spacedudeman @Suffering

 One Very Small Very Angry Penguin O shit looks like we have to clean this place up Got a legit celeb in here now Uh Welcome to the dumpster @The Gavinner

The Gavinner You are right, space is gay 

Spacedudeman I’m screenshotting that and hanging it on my wall “space is gay” -- klavier gavin 

One Very Small Very Angry Penguin Hey I said it first 

Subscribe for Free Penguin Facts Actually, I believe I did. 

The Gavinner Can I have a penguin fact? 

Subscribe for Free Penguin Facts The majority of penguin species do not actually live in the Antarctic or cold climates.

One Very Small Very Angry Penguin Wait didn’t your sister say it first 

Subscribe for Free Penguin Facts No; I believe I said it in reference to her, however. 

Glam Gramarye @Suffering >:3c 

Suffering Trucy explain this to me 

Glam Gramarye >>:3c 

Do not make 3-mouth at me Trucy

>:3c >>>>:3c 

Surrounded by Fools @>:3c What have you done.

Do not make 3-mouth at me TRUCY EXPLAIN 

>:3c >>>>>>>>>>:3cc

The Gavinner I feel very unloved right now, Forehead :( Do you not love me?

Suffering no 

The Gavinner >:( 

3:08 pm [direct message: Earth Earth and Apollo]

Earth Earth dude i cant believe klavier gavin uses emoticons like a 15 year old girl

3:10 pm [The Dumpster] [general]

Suffering @Spacedudeman is dming me when we’re in the same room

One Very Small Very Angry Penguin Lmao 

Spacedudeman dude let me live 

Suffering perish 

Spacedudeman WHATRE U GONNA DO, STAB ME 

Subscribe for Free Penguin Facts I will should he choose not to. 

Spacedudeman why do u do this to me simon 

3:13 pm [direct message: Earth Earth and Apollo] 

Apollo Trucy is a 15 yo girl and she doesnt use emoticons like that just >:3c

Earth Earth tru if klavier gavin kittyfaces at you ever i am gonna drop dead on the spot

[immabakedpotato]

Happy New Year, 2022!!

Well hello there, hope your New Year has started off with a bang. I know mine didn’t...*side eyes husband* but you know...

Anywho, I was just writing in my journal about all the big changes we had over the year of 2021, then my thumb started hurting. Is this what it is to be old? Are my hands turning into fragile old lady hands? I was enjoying the sun and writing and everything, then my almost 29 year old ass had to have some kind of old lady hand pains. FML bro. So, as any rational human would, I just went inside and decided to sit at my computer and edit my blog. I changed everything. It is no longer a simblr, even though that was the main reason for it’s original creation back in 2013-2014. I’m old now (clearly) and cannot keep up with that kind of intensive blog. 

So, I decided....YOU KNOW WHAT! I like, have a lot of shit to say. Why not start just a simple journal blog? Very logical decision. Lol.

So here I am, in all my glory, almost 29 with old lady hands, 3 annoying ass kids and a husband who is just as annoying. I live in a subsidized apartment, have an addiction to THC and nicotine and am currently on meds to help stabilize my stupid brain. My life is definitely not where I wanted it to be, coming into 2022. But I am hoping that 2022 will be my year where things actually start changing for the better and better. I feel 2021 was stagnant, depressing, hard. Even though we had stable housing pretty much the whole time (aside from a scare here and there) living in these apartments gives me serious anxiety. I am not allowed to smoke weed/have any kind of consumption of THC, alcohol, etc. This is drug free housing. But like, the only time I truly feel good or motivated is when I hit my weed pen :( So it’s a constant struggle with myself, my housing, etc. I know that I just need to get out of here ASAP, we need to get into different housing so we can finally live in some form of true peace. I’m tired of stressing about it. I’m not supposed to have to be so stressed out all the damn time. Weed is 100% legal in OREGON GODDAMMIT. This is not how to live!!

This year I am (and have been before this new year) manifesting my new home. My new home that I am going to share with my beautiful family. I am manifesting happiness, security, safety, financial health and relaxation. I will not rest in my work towards my family home until I am sitting in my OWN HOME on the couch with my feet up and saying “this is it, we’ve made it”. That is my biggest dream, my biggest want, a place of our own. This apartment is cute and all, but goddamn it’s small. The two boys are sharing one room, even with more space than the RV we are still struggling to find time away from each other. I would be so happy and so blessed to be able to give each kid their own room, or even just have the toddlers share a room and have Maddox have his own room, either of those. 

I want a home where I can know that hitting my dab pen isn’t going to get me and my family kicked out of our housing. I want to be excited to check the mail for cool stuff instead of having anxiety over another “eviction notice” piece of fucking mail. I legit have PTSD over this shit, the housing authority does NOT fuck around and neither does Rogue Retreat, and I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells as to not piss off the neither of them. And constantly keeping up with all the requirements of both programs...ugh. It’s all so mentally exhausting. I cannot wait to be in my own home. I might need to get a job or whatever but that’s okay too. I think that would also help me improve on my mental health, make new friends, have a purpose other than chasing poopy diapers around or cleaning dirty faces. As much as I have loved being home with them, I also want to stretch my legs a bit and get out of this “hermit” stage I’ve been in since I left my job back in March 2021. 

And when I say I’ve been in a hermit stage, I am NOT kidding. I have barely left the house. It doesn’t help that my anxiety had climbed up a whole octave after I left my job, and especially after I lost my car in August to a car accident. I felt I all the sudden had to turn around and give the reins over directly to the very man who made me feel I had to grasp for independence in the first place. I had to hand the wheel over to the most intoxicated driver in the car. That gave me so much anxiety. For two whole years I had managed our finances, kept a close eye on our money going in and out, made sure Kyle stayed home to limit his chances of relapse, and constantly felt like I was the only thing keeping the ground from shaking underneath my family. That I had SOME control over what was going to happen to my family. I had to give all of that control over to him. That was probably the scariest thing I’ve ever had to do. I am still here, in the background, monitoring and making sure all goes well. 

When Kyle is not at work, he is absolutely just a potato on the couch. I feel some days I am raising these kids by myself, especially after how many times he has been sick over the past couple months. Always something wrong. Always my job to take care of the kids. Now, I’m not saying that is how it ALWAYS is, but usually it’s not without some sort of complaint. And I get it, he works a hard and taxing job. But so do I. It’s not on the same level at all I know, and I am also a LAZY parent like him. So we take turns over who is next to attend to the kids when there is a problem. I kinda like our system, though I do feel I do a bit more work than him but that’s okay. He does more work than me in other situations. And I understand the need to just veg out on the couch and pretend you don’t exist for a while to heal over how hard working is. I get it. I don’t even know what I was complaining about in the first place here, but yeah.

I just want a home for my damn family goddammit give me one

give me a million dollars universe

make me riiiiiiiiich

[noexit-ff]

14.

“I need your body in ways, that you don't understand but I'm losing my patience. Cause we've been going over and over again. Girl, I just wanna take you home” I stopped singing looking at my sound engineer through the glass in the booth, back at the studio now. The grind don’t stop once again, the music cut off “that should be cool, come out” he said, I don’t know why I make more songs when I don’t need them really, but it’s always good to make new music. I think I am ready to release an album, I just need to make few more songs. Walking out of the booth “sounds dope” Sinko said, well this song did come along how I wanted it to sound “the rap part killed it bro, this needs to be a single” looking down at the sound engineer computer screen as he did his thing “what do you thing to the designs I sent y’all? Black Pyramid designs? Y’all think it was dope” looking around the room “yeah, I would wear that shit. You should get Rihanna to make you women things” Fresh said pointing “that would be good” this female said “I know but she doing her own thing, I am looking to get her on my thing but she got things to do” blowing out air “what do you females think? Like what shit would y’all wear?” I have no idea what to do with women “thongs with your name it, so I can have you all up in my booty” staring at her in utter shock “excuse me?” the boys snorted laughing “yoooo that was nasty” Hood said laughing “first of all, I am happy with my wife. I don’t think any of you compare to what I got at home. Also that shit was uncalled for, count yourself banned from this. Anyways, I am out. I will be away for a while so bye” I need to get home and wake shawty up, it’s like five in the morning “what about your dog’s? Those niggas are eating my couch!?” Lo spat, I snorted laughing “I will pay” Robyn won’t let my dog’s stay at the crib, I don’t know what to do with that.

Unlocking my car door “Christopher!” someone shouted behind me, I know that voice. Looking behind me “Forde! What are you doing here!?” she is with a few females, opening my car door and throwing my backpack in the front seat “just with a new artist, this is Sza I’ve known her for a while now and she was in the studio. She saw you first and I goes that is not him but Chris, this is SZA” reaching over and shaking her hand “cool to see you, I thought you left LA? If you found new friends Robyn will be so upset” the girl SZA or whatever started smiling mad hard “she loves Rihanna but I would never do that, do not dare tell her that. I was, I mean, I am leaving today in the afternoon” I never got to tell her about not going “well I need to speak to you, come” walking off slowly, Robyn misses Mel like crazy and I feel it’s my fault “what is it nigga?” Mel said as we started walking side by side “why are you moving to New York? Who is there?” I asked, if I can talk her into staying this will be a blessing “a bitch needs to move on you know” turning around while stepping back “bullshit, there is nothing there. We are your family in LA, why are you moving there. If it’s Mijo then forget him, Robyn is missing you like crazy. She calls you but it’s not the same, I hear it day in and day out. I miss my sister, I miss you too. I know you don’t want to live with us and that is fine but stay in LA, if Mijo is the issue then I will sort that nigga out for you. Come on Melissa, shit is not real without you. I want you to come to the home, I fucks with you like that. You can stay with us.”

Mel waved me off pulling a face “sure, hear you two. Look, I just don’t know. It’s lonely and I am not looking for sympathy, I have had Mijo calling me but I am not a booty call. I need to find my happiness, I won’t stay in New York for long. Few months and then I will be back, how about that? I don’t want my bitch upset you know, she doesn’t say it, she told me that everything is fine” I shrugged smiling “she got me to complain too, she is like if I call her now she will get annoyed if I call her again tonight so I will wait. Seriously, I just cannot deal with her ass” Mel cooed out “it’s nice to hear it from yourself that you miss me also, just need to find my ground” nodding my head “you can here, I need someone to deal with the ladies wear in Black Pyramid” I blurted out, not even thinking “you offering me work?” she said, I didn’t even realise it “it’s open to you, you can have all control of that shit. Let me know” that idea came out of nowhere.

Placing my backpack down on the floor of the bedroom, for a tiny lady Robyn sure does know how to ruin both sides of the bed. She lucky I ain’t sleeping or I would have purposely woke her up just to move and then sleep, I would let her think we will be having sex when we not. She has got this habit of sleeping against me but her back against me, it’s so weird but her hair be all in my face. I don’t know why she has become so bad, she snores too. That is not a lie, but she said she doesn’t. Shit has been a little crazy for us. Even now, it’s like people want to know more. They demand an interview but we are declining everything and just post random shit on Instagram, why should we explain to the world. Stepping back from the bed, you can only see an outline of a person from here but she is asleep sideways, she has stolen both sides. Pointing my camera at the bed and taking a picture, posting it on Instagram, captioning the picture ‘Now where do I sleep? This burrito took both sides’ my wife is something else, posting the picture.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I love how she has put her hair in a bun when I tell to do that she don’t and makes me suffer “Robyn” taking my watch off from my wrist and placing it on the side “hey” touching her cheek “Oh my god Robyn!” I spat, poking her cheek “go away!” Robyn said groggily “wow, mad rude? Why are you telling me to go away?” she frowned with her eyes still firmly closed “you didn’t come home and now you’re waking me up for what?” she is legit arguing with her eyes closed “I was in the studio” her eyes aren’t even open and I know she is mean mugging me “just go to sleep, I don’t want sex and I don’t want you to wake me” she is annoyed, sighing out “I guess you don’t want to go to Hawaii, I will go by myself then” looking over at Robyn, she opened one eye “why are you going there?” she is too damn cute “we both are going there, you complained to my mom that we didn’t have a honeymoon so your husband got you a honeymoon, I ain’t forget baby” Robyn gasped opening both eyes this time, pushing her covers back “we going Hawaii for our honeymoon, now be nice to me” Robyn got up from the bed, crawling over to me “oh my baby, I didn’t think you would, just that I got annoyed because I like you home” she wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing kisses to my cheek “you are the best baby” she is so damn spoilt, I think I need to stop.

Bopping my head to the music one of my artists sent me, placing a spoonful of Lucky Charms in my mouth “why did you post that picture of me!?” feeling my head be pushed forward by force from her hand, staring ahead swallowing down my cereal “well first of all you took all of the space, that is all. You can barely see it’s you” watching Robyn take the Lucky Charms box “Who else could it be huh? You cheating now?” frowning at Robyn in confusion, is she being real “answer me then?” she started pouring the cereal in the bowl “well clearly not, just saying nobody can see anything. Can you just hurry so we can go, the jet will be leaving in an hour even though you don’t deserve it just because you keep on questioning me like I am cheating when you need to check Melissa” Robyn glared at me “what do you mean?” Robyn questioned “I saw Mel at the studio” Robyn let out on oh “I knew that but you also never told me there was girls in your session, I am not angry just a little annoyed. There is no need for it, but I trust you” scratching my chin “how do you know this?” I swear I never said anything to Robyn “I was reading my timeline and there was a video and one of the females said something but I am proud of you, proud of what you said. They still want my man’s dick but he faithful” Robyn kissed the top of my head “why would I cheat, I am married now. I been done that shit now” Robyn sat on the bar stool at the side of me “I spoke to Mel and said to her to not move so far away from us, she said she is coming back to LA, so no need to worry now. I don’t want to hear about Mel now ok?” looking down at my phone “but you need to speak to Mijo for me” Robyn always has something for me to do “what now?” I said frowning “he needs to leave her alone, he is depressing my friend for nothing. I like Mijo but he wants his baby mother and then Mel, make your mind up. You can’t have both, we need to find Mel a man too” this is what I mean, Robyn has a list of things for me to do.

Robyn and I eventually left the home and got to the private hanger “I feel bad now, I didn’t think you would remember what I said to your mom about the honeymoon. I just said it in the conversation, you didn’t have to do this” I shrugged not caring “it’s done now, I got time off and you got time off we good. It’s nice to get away, travel as husband and wife” the SUV door opened for me at the side “thank you” grabbing my backpack from the floor of the car “I packed a few things for you too, and took your things for Barbados” stepping out of the car, she thinks we are going Barbados but we aren’t. When I am dicking her down she is going to forget this “sure” placing my backpack over my shoulders “I’ll take that” taking Robyn’ handbag from her “thank you baby” walking around the SUV “sir” the pilot smiled at me, smiling back at him as I made my way up the steps, looking behind me to see what Robyn is doing and then noticing the stupid paparazzi. I swear they stalk our home, they are so desperate for anything, any little bit of information.

I am close to having a new manager soon, he seems like a really good dude but I am just passing it by some people. I realised after the interview that I do need one that will look over that shit for me, I just need one that understands me and my life but I hope this new dude will be good enough for it “Chris” Robyn said, dragging my eyes away from my phone looking at Robyn’ face with her head on my shoulder “what?” what is she even doing “look at the camera stupid” I am stupid, didn’t even know she was taking a picture. Looking at her camera smiling, she took the picture “I love this freedom so much, just to post when I want” locking my phone and placing my phone on the table, sitting back in my seat “I enjoy this time, nobody here. Just us, this shit is amazing. I am so glad we did shit our way or your team would have made sure to make you busy for me, even though they are trying it now” watching Robyn type the caption in “they are on my case but they know not to push me” smiling at her caption “baecation? You cute” I chuckled saying “well that is what we are going on, well a honeymoon. But Chris” when Robyn says but Chris, it’s never a good thing “we are going Barbados right? Mommy really wants you to come, it’s been so long too, I am just not sure you want to go so I keep asking and also you’ve not slept? Are you on drugs?” side eyeing Robyn “no I am not on drugs, I am just not tired. I am beyond that anyways, I will sleep when we get there. I am going Barbados, I just wanted to keep on saying no but I am going” I know for a fact I wouldn’t get away with not going.

[jodiwalker]

A Bachelorette Recap: Rachel Is the Queen and We Are the Sorry People

"Let me tell you something. I'm not here to be played. I'm not here to be made a joke of … So I'm really going to need you to get the fuck out." – Rachel Lindsay of the House Bachelorette, First of Her Name, the Un-to-be-trifled-with, Queen of the Fuckbois, Ruler of the Mansion that Venereal Diseases Built, Breaker of Bullshit, and Mother of Reads

Can you all hear Rachel's perfect Texas drawl in your head as keenly as I can while reading the quote of the century? Has any Bachelorette ever held. that. shit. down. as deftly as this one? No. Because this isn't any Bachelorette. This is the Rachelorette 2K17 and if you are not a man who is ready to hold it down just as tight…than she is going to need you to get the fuck out.

I did not expect myself to be very interested in this DeMario storyline. I liked DeMario and his hollering out of wedding plus-ones in the premiere; so I wasn't rooting for him to be the creep [ed. note: hey, stay tuned on that creep front, 'cuz it's a big ol' YIKES] with a girlfriend. Plus, his girlfriend seemed a little too eager to be delivering her gotcha-moment on national television, and a little too unabashed about wearing a stone-cold waffle-weave scrunchie on her wrist while doing it...

But who cares about DeMario and how many man-rompers he left over at Lexi's house — this storyline is all about Rachel and how she managed to take the drama-covered receipts from Lexi, the slimy "new phone, who dis" excuses from DeMario, run them through her logic-o-meter (a brain, as it's called outside of this franchise), and calmly inform these people that she has 25 boyfriends, a dog who can currently only use three of his legs for unknown reasons, and a rented house in what appears to be an upper middle class retirement community to take care of...so she doesn't really have time to be running on some bullshit. 

As Rachel has stated multiple times throughout her three-episode tenure, she keeps it 100. And if any of these knuckleheads keeps it any less than 100, then they better have a background in computer sciences to make their own sub-100 emoji, and some fresh New Balances to — let’s haveRachel reiterate this one last time — GTFO of here.

Never could I have imagined what it would be like to have a Bachelorette so fully in command of her own experience. Rachel doesn’t accept excuses from anyone, including herself. She seems completely aware of the Hellmouth she has willingly entered herself into, and the only way to make that Hellmouth work for her is to take it seriously and flush out one of these vampires to marry. [Ed. note: Is this metaphor falling apart? Who's Angel? Who's Spike?! Obviously Dean is Willow and, yes, he will develop a complex and moving witchcraft/lesbian storyline in season 4.] And speaking of the dumb-dumbs Rachel is dating, I want to take it all the way back to the premiere for a minute when there were 30 contesticles still hoping to woo Rachel. 

It seemed like all anyone could say about Rachel—and the character that the editors seemed to be carving out for her—was that she was so beautiful and smart. Indeed, they had never a woman like her. I quickly ran through a list of all of the women that I know well and couldn't think of a single one who I would not describe as smart and beautiful. Which is fantastic for me and concerning for these donuts. 

So, I'd now like to turn it over to my girl Hailee Steinfeld — who is quietly an Academy Award nominee, a budding pop princes, and definitive queen of the teenage eyebrow Hunger Games — and her song of the summer:

Yes, Princess Hailee. Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful. If these dudes don't know any other women that they deem to be both smart and beautiful, then they are not good enough for Rachel. Also, heads up — these dudes aren't good enough for Rachel! 

Rachel's only flaw seems to be that she’s not aware when a dude isn’t good enough for her. Rachel can be as smart and funny, and hand as many asses to as many duplicitous dummies as many times as she wants to, but the fact of the matter is, we have this wonderful Bachelorette…because she once truly wanted to be engaged to Nick Viall.

And that is as good of a reality check as any to remind us that this is still the Bachelorette, and two bros will still play a game of homoerotic "I'm not touching you" in the driveway when they get kicked out. Because a peacock cannot change its feathers (which would be a much better reference if this came on NBC!). Yes, of course, I wish that Rachel, Queen of the Fuckbois, Ruler of STD Mansion, Breaker of Bullshit, and Mother of Reads could be a little more like Hailee Steinfeld's breakout song of summer 2015, “Love Myself.” That’s right, the one where she boldly declares that she maybe, definitely screams her own name while she masturbates. I'm not talking about that declaration, though; I’m talking about the other, less intriguing, but altogether more important: Gonna love myself, no I don’t need anybody else (Hey!).

Alas, us women of a certain age weren't raised with the raging independence of the SnapChat generation. We must marry, and we must do it quickly — before our wombs rot and there are no Tickle Monsters or sociopathic amateur drummers left for us. We can scream our own name during orgasm, sure. But society and ABC contracts dictate that it would be much better if there were a Peter or Kenny beside us while we do it. Let’s get to know them, shall we...

DeMario's Return

Y'all. After being told to "get the fuck out," this dude thinks it's a good idea to Uber back over to the mansion for a little more screen time. But all it really does is give Rachel another chance to show off her PhD in rhetoric. I mean—the woman can talk, and I think anyone who watched Farmer Chris or Des with Bangs' season could reiterate the importance of that one simple skill to you.

However, there's nothing simple about the way Rachel pummels what's left of DeMario into the ground. DeMario tries to tell Rachel that Lexi assassinated his character and he was just caught off guard. Rachel kindly responds that all that can be true (in a tone that says it's very much not true), "But I need a man, that when confronted with a difficult situation, does not lie about it." Similarly, I need a Rachel that will speak for me every time I'm confronted with a difficult man. DeMario says that he had a little chat with his Uber driver on the way over, and that Uber driver — who was, without a doubt, a male— encouraged him to not take no for an answer. Bad advice, brother! Always, always, ALWAYS take no for an answer.

Once DeMario starts spouting "in order to experience joy, you need pain" quotes to Rachel (who literally has 20 other guys waiting inside for her, 18 of them hotter than DeMario) she's had it. "I'm glad you realized that you need to move forward," says Rachel, gearing up for something good. "But what I need you to understand is that forward isn't that way toward the mansion. Forward is outside of it." Do you understand that, DeMario? Do you smell what the Rachel is cooking? The other bros shuffle their feet behind her hoping they can somehow spin her hate of another man into a love for them. They ask if DeMario is coming back. "Fuck no," says Rachel. 

The Frontrunners

Going back a few episodes, it must be noted that a few frontrunners have already emerged. And they are tall, strapping, brunette white men, because Rachel has a type.  

Bryan is a 37-year-old chiropractor who doesn’t look like his name is really Bryan, like he's really a chiropractor, or like he's really 37-years-old. All of that is a compliment. 

I really liked Bryan because Bryan is hot and speaks Spanish; I could even get past his Dementor-like kissing style…right up until some of the fellas went on a group date to Ellen and it was revealed during a game of Never Have I Ever—always a cool thing to play with eight guys, one gal, and a live studio audience—that half of the guys on the group date had already kissed Rachel. To the half that had not kissed her, this comes as a surprise. Because, I guess, they've never met a human woman and cannot imagine how Rachel might meet 30 dudes, which probably adds up to, like, 150 different abdominal muscles, and want to kiss some of them. To Bryan, this serves as an opportunity for him to showcase that he was the first guy to kiss her, which he unfortunately does by saying to another fella, "You got my sloppy seconds." It is proof that Rachel likes Bryan that she did not whip off her lace-front and cut him with words right there.

The other guy that had already gotten his kiss? Peter, who got the first one-on-one: a romantic day with Copper the Dog. I don’t care if Peter is boring. I would climb that man like a tree—and I would ask him to keep all of his fashionable suits on while I did it.

Of note: Anthony, who Rachel goes on a one-on-one with, riding horses down Rodeo Drive (not a thing, girl, no matter how many times you say it's a thing), might actually be good enough for Rachel…but he seems far too mentally and emotionally intelligent to be long for this world.

Do We Have To?

Honestly, if it weren't for the one incredible conversation regarding a banana during the saga of Lukas and Blake, I wouldn't even get into this because these two are The Worst. Lukas is the guy who nearly gives himself an aneurysm every 10 minutes trying to be funny. His idea of humor is just to scream a word: Whaboom. My idea of humor is listening to all of the other men genuinely not be able to remember what the stupid word he keeps saying is: Whabam? Kabloom? Ska-douche? Who cares!

Blake is the guy who talked about his dick for a full five minutes in his intro package, but thinks Lukas is in this for the wrong reasons. These two somehow know each other from the outside world, because Lukas used to date Blake's roommate, who Blake says is now being evicted from his apartment for calling him a maniac…ladies, try to keep your panties on, okay?

This all comes to a boil when Rachel tells Lukas that Blake has been questioning his reasons for being on the show, and Lukas responds calmly and not at all like a drunken, unhinged person, saying that he recently caught Blake standing over his bed eating a banana while he was sleeping. Blake's response to the claim of a moron: "Heh, impossible. I don't even eat carbs." Blake, you fucking tool.

Let's Detox with a Little…

The Pretty Boy Pitbull, Kenny King. If you had told me my favorite man in this group would be a pro-wrestler who goes by the name of the Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King, I would have said…Yeah, Jodi, that sounds exactly like you—nothing has ever sounded more like you. 

But still, I did not expect Kenny, the pro-wrestler with a 10-year-old daughter to be quite so cuddly. He has endeared himself to me if for this quote alone: "Being a wrestler, I know all about white dudes acting crazy. And these white dudes are buggin'." These white dudes are buggin', Kenny, and you are not. Please stay this pure, and continue not to bug. Also, at some point you have to stop leading every conversation with your adorable love for your daughter. Because I don't know if Rachel is ready to be the step-mother to a teen. Mentioning that you used to be a Chippendales dancer, however, is a good start.

Lee Is a Sociopath Who Must Be Stopped and Since I Just Saw Wonder Woman, I Wouldn't Mind If Rachel Donned Leather Armor and Lasso-of-Truth'd His Ass

Ugh, another annoying storyline, but a complex one, at least. Actually…it's not that complex. 

Eric is a young man with Steve Buscemi eyes who has clearly never seen this show, otherwise he would know that if you speak a word about the Bachelor(ette) that sounds like anything less than the complimentary rantings of a stalker, you will be taken to task by some dude named Iggy. See, Eric really likes Rachel, and he's getting frustrated that he can't tell if Rachel likes him back. He wonders aloud to a few friends if Rachel might be keeping her emotions in check since she's dating so many men at once.

And men quite literally come out of the woodwork to tell Eric that he is the devil and he'll never know love.

Listen, I don't really even like Eric that much. He doesn’t seem particularly interesting, and definitely isn't mature enough for Rachel, who could legitimately be the President of the United States right now. But there is no doubt that Lee's sociopathic behavior toward him is fueled by the fact that he thinks Eric is inferior to him. This is obvious because since this season has aired, sleuths have uncovered many a racist tweet from Lee, but also because Lee is a walking microagression with cold, dead shark eyes.

 After Eric naively tries to float the idea that Rachel might be playing this gameshow like a game, some dude named Iggy that you don't need to retain to memory comes out of nowhere to confront him about it. Eric raises his voice because Iggy was out of line, and because sometimes people raise their voices when they're upset and consisting on a diet of protein powder and Belvita breakfast bars.

Lee latches onto the fact that he heard Eric yelling and will not let it go. He tells Rachel that Eric’s aggression made him “uncomfortable” (you code, bro?) and he does’t think Eric is right for her. Rachel asks Eric about it and Eric explains that he just wants some validation; Rachel validates him with the group date rose; Lee demeans and condescends to Eric by repeatedly saying creepy shit like he thinks he's "an amazing person" and he “loves him to death,” but he heard him get "aggressive," and that scared him. Then to the cameras: "I don't care if Eric disrespects me, okay? He means nothing … this is one kid with a bad issue."

Hey Lee, real quick: Fuck. You. You are transparent, and you are dangerous, and this season pretty much rides or dies on how soon Rachel gets rid of you. No pressure, Rach. 

Just kidding, there is a ton of pressure on Rachel for this season to work out okay, and it's very unfair to her. Happy reality TV, everyone! See you back here, hopefully sooner rather than later. My only thoughts on Bachelor in Paradise for now: Sad, sad, sad. Bad, bad, bad.

[iameveryonesmom]

What Is Hemp

New Post has been published on http://mo420.ca/what-is-hemp/

What Is Hemp

What Is Hemp

Suzette here, most 420 peeps know me from mo420.ca , but something that very few people know about me is that I suffer from a neuropathic, chronic pain condition know as Trigeminal Neuralgia, or TN. The Trigeminal nerve is a nerve located within the brain. It’s primarily responsible for transmitting sensation from the brain to the face. TN is a type of neuropathic pain. A type of pain that can occur when nerves are damaged or injured. In the medical field, Trigeminal Neuralgia is considered to be one of the worst pains known to mankind, sending excruciating pain throughout the face, head, and jaw. The pain of TN is comparable to severe burns, childbirth, and even the bite of a bullet ant. (crying) – Don’t, don’t, I’m okay. – At one point, TN was nicknamed the suicide disease because people who suffer from this would take their own lives because of the severity of the pain. Because of the pain, I’ve had multiple surgeries to try and fix it, along with expensive medications, therapies, treatments, injections, acupunctures. I just had Botox injected all across my forehead, into my scalp and jawline to try and help with the pain. You can kind of see the bruising. I mean that costs $1,200 just to get this area done. You name it, I have tried it. Well, I have tried almost everything. (upbeat music) Recently, I’ve heard news stories and read articles about marijuana helping chronic pain. I am at a point in my pain and in my life where I can’t take it anywhere and I’m willing to try anything. I don’t smoke weed. Anymore. Something you should know about me, I smoked weed back in high school and then once I got older, I kind of started having really adverse reactions to it, and just quit. Though I may not be a smoker anymore, I know that there’s hundreds of strains of cannabis, so I needed to know exactly what I was looking for. So I decided to a really smart place at UCLA and talk to a really fancy doctor about it. – There’s pretty strong evidence that whole leaf marijuana, or extracts of it, can be helpful for nerve pain. Chronic pain, but specifically nerve pain. Is the strongest evidence. – Wait a minute there, doc. Just how far back does this evidence go? There are records from 2900 BCE of Chinese Emperor Fu Hsi stating marijuana possesses yin and yang. Around 1000 BCE in Ancient India, cannabis was combined with milk to drink as an anesthetic. The Ancient Greek doctor Galen would use cannabis to treat flatulence and pain. The Mexican Revolution of 1910 brought many Mexican immigrants to the US who introduced Americans to the recreational use of weed. The Great Depression increased racial tension which caused the public demand for government to crack down on marijuana use. Marijuana was then associated with lower class communities. So basically for forever, marijuana use wasn’t seen negatively until an influx of immigrants and racial tension caused it to be criminalized, causing it to lose its historical association with medicine. But, back to Dr. Strouse telling me something that blew my mind. – It’s not at all clear that THC alone has much pain-relieving affect. – Oh. Gonna be on the hunt, not for weed, but something called CBD oil, which is actually THC free. What is the difference between CBD and THC? – The psychoactive part of marijuana, the part that gets you high, is THC. – Right. – CBD does not tend to make people feel high or intoxicated, that there’s a balance there that a roughly one to one mix sort of makes it easier for people to get a pain relief without that highness that at least some people experience as unpleasant. – What? Why don’t these teach us this kind of shit in high school? That there’s a weed out there that I can smoke and not get high. Today I’m gonna go try and get my weed card. I’m actually walking to a place that’s on the corner of my street, because in Los Angeles, these places are everywhere. So you can’t just go to your regular doctor to get a marijuana card, you have to go to a doctor that specializes in medical marijuana evaluations. So, got the paper, and the card. It took what, how long? – [Man] Like five seconds. – Like five seconds. So literally I sat in a room and a nurse brought in a computer screen and a guy on the other side was on Skype and I told him what was wrong with me and he said, “Great, I’m gonna give you a recommendation.” It was very sketchy but super easy. So I had my card and now I knew what I was kind of looking for, so now I just needed to go to a dispensary. Dispensaries just like a store for weed. – My name is Allen, we’re at WHTC in Studio City. You know, we’re not doctors, so, we really work with the patients to see what’s bothering them, what their ailments are, and how we could help them. – So I notice you’re using the word “patients.” – Yes. – [Kelsey] Explain what that means. – A lot of people say customers, it’s that, no, we’re a medical marijuana dispensary. Everyone here is a patient. They went to a doctor, they have a– – Medical marijuana card, I just got one. – Medical marijuana card, which is actually their prescription or their doctor’s recommendation, saying that they can come in here and that they have an ailment that requires medical marijuana. We see a wide variety of patients, dealing with all sorts of ailments. Anywhere from Crohn’s, diabetes, neuropathy, fibromyalgia, and chemo and cancer patients, absolutely. – Right. And people know about cancer. A lot people don’t know about, like, the anxiety that it can with, or depression, or other “invisible illnesses.” – CBD’s very helpful because it’s an anti-inflammatory, anti-anxiety, anti-arthritis. – So, what is the most popular medicine you sell here? – Between flowers, edibles, and concentrates– – Wait, flowers? – Flowers, as in medical marijuana. – [Kelsey] Okay, I was like, “What?” – So yeah, we refer to that as flower, then you have concentrate, which is also know an oil. Then we have topicals and tinctures and edibles, so there’s top sellers within every market. There’s just a wide variety. – Now it’s time to get to schmokin’. I just left the dispensary and I’m actually feeling like, insanely optimistic. I’m in the parking lot at work, and I’m gonna just try one of these things now ’cause I can’t wait to get home, so. I’m going to use this stick. – Another popular method, especially for neuropathy, is topicals. – [Kelsey] Lotion. – [Allen] Lotion, exactly. – Oh. Oh wow, that’s very nice. Ah, god, that feels so good. It definitely smells like kind of, Icy Hot. It has this weird cooling. So it’s been about two hours since I used the roll on stick. My muscles feel so relaxed. I still have a lot of the tightness where the nerve damage is. As far as the muscles in my actual jaws and temple, oh my god, it’s like no amount of physical therapy has given me relief for this long. – When people hear CBD, they don’t know what CBD looks like, but if you’re looking at it from a raw form. This would be our Mai Tai Cookies, and this has actually won first place at the High Time Cannabis Cup for best CBD flower. – I was also really nervous to try the flower. It tastes like pot. Because it reminded me of what I smoked in high school to get really high. When I used to smoke weed, I just knew about two kinds: mids and dro. How much should I smoke? This is weird. I don’t know, I don’t trust this. Jesus fuck. Okay, so, I’ll let that settle in. But I was nervous for nothing. It turns out it was really great, and the thing I loved most about the flowers was that it helped me the most out of all the methods with my headaches so, anyone who suffers from chronic migraines, I would highly recommend this product. We see those things on Facebook, those videos where someone’s having some sort of seizure or convulsion and they’re given some weed, whether through a pen or a dose, and then five minutes later, they’re totally normal. If we have proof like that, why is the research still so, I don’t know, underfunded, or shunned upon? – I’m gonna sound like a nerdy doctor and try to answer this question. – Please do, that’s why we’re here. – I apologize. But, you know, I’ve seen some of those amazing video footage, for example, the kids with these horrible epilepsy problems who go to Colorado, who get Charlotte’s Web. – Right, we’ve all heard it. – That looks very compelling, and I think the fact that it’s so compelling and there’s so many really moving testimonials by parents is why there are now clinical trials being done with CBD by major university medical center neurology, epilepsy specialists. – So we’re moving in the right direction? – [Dr. Strouse] We are, we are. – Okay, so it’s 6:30 on a Friday night, and while everyone else is going out and doing shit, I can barely function as a human. The only thing that I can equate it to is like red hot fire ants just biting your face and no matter what you do, you can’t stop it. So, I’m going to try Black Medicated Rub. One CBD to THC, it doesn’t really say how much to take, so I just took that. Oh my god, it smells so good. Let this settle in. It kind of looks like I just have a really poppin’ gloss on. – It’s a process. Start very small the first night, see how that affected you. Take note. Moving forward, you adjust. – So it’s been about 30 minutes and I don’t feel anything, so we’re gonna take it up a notch. Gonna use this pen. What do you find to be the most popular? – The vape cartridge, which is really quick. This is like almost instant relief. You vape it, and within a minute, you’re probably gonna feel the effects. – Delicious. Yo, I still cannot get over the fact that I am a vape bro. It’s also considered to be one of the healthiest ways to ingest cannabis, ’cause you’re not smoking any chemicals or papers. It was fast, it was easy, it was by far the most convenient way to ingest the cannabis, but its effects didn’t last very long. So if you’re gonna try this method, I would suggest bringing it with you wherever you go, or getting a higher concentrate in the pen. I’d read online that people had a lot of success with tinctures, so I bought a variety of kinds with various amounts of CBD and THC. Was pricey at $60, but hey, willing to try anything. They were the most expensive method that I tried, and none of them really worked for me. I don’t feel shit. About halfway through, I think after repeatedly failing with the tinctures, I really started to get depressed. (slow music) I just got done with one of my doctor’s appointments. The appointment is $195 for a 20 minute appoinemtnt for someone to tell you it’s trial and error and shit may or may not work. These specialist kinds of doctors aren’t covered by insurance and they have to get paid because the work that they’re doing is so underfunded. Of course they have to charge a bunch ’cause all of this shit is so experimental. The idea that medical marijuana is something that you can keep in your home, it’s at my disposal whenever I want it, I can take it whenever I want it. That would be like a fucking miracle, ’cause I am so sick of these fucking doctor’s appointments. But then I think medical marijuana maybe that is the best option to even try first. I don’t know, it’s starting to really fuckin’ fuck with me. Is the legalization of marijuana kind of undermining the use of it as medicine, too? Like, are people afraid that if medical marijuana becomes kind of the norm, will people stop going to see doctors, will people stop writing prescriptions, will the pharmaceutical world collapse? Is that a concern? – Though yes, my hunches may be there are people concerned about that, at another level people, many people are worried about how responsible is big marijuana gonna be, right? Big marijuana, like big tobacco, which until whatever year it was, 1982, was telling us that cigarettes didn’t cause lung cancer. So it’s a huge business opportunity here and they’re going for it and so, in whose interest will that business development be? Marijuana’s still illegal according to the Controlled Substances Act of the federal government. But not in CANADA!!! HAAAA..It’s simply to work with the organizations that the federal government sustains, is really complicated and bureaucratic and that’s one of the reasons why there’s so much anger. – Right, around it. – Around it. – ‘Cause then it becomes like a government thing. We’re letting the government control whether or not people can get better. While there is research being done, the US is so far behind compared to other countries. There are still so many states where this is illegal, and there is a stigma of that hippy stoner, vibe attached to this medicine. I could not imagine living in a state where I needed this to function and then potentially having to go to a job where they drug test and not being able to take my medicine. I want people to watch this video and rethink their relationship and their opinions on marijuana. To cheer myself up, I decided to take an edible which I have heard so many horror stories where people have eaten it, don’t feel anything, they eat more, and then like two hours later, they’re melting into the wall. So I made my roommate try it with me, and guys, this was the one time that I got super high. And we also made some brownies and just laughed and I got nothing done, I couldn’t even blog about it. I just realized that that method is not practical for my lifestyle. Last minute I decided to add one more thing to the test. This was a medication that I had talked to Dr. Strouse about, it’s called Charlotte’s Web. So they can actually sell it to any state in America because it’s considered hemp, and not cannabis. This one I’m really excited to try because this is the kind of strain that we see in those Facebook videos. They recommend that you use this and kind of integrate it into part of your diet so they’re saying it might not work the first time, maybe it does for some people, but it’s something that you should do daily. Mmm, it tastes like mint chocolate chip. Charlotte’s Web. Oh my god, Charlotte’s Web. I promise, despite the look of my hair, I’m doing much better today. I actually slept, like, some of the best sleep I’ve slept in a long time, which, to have a pain free sleep night is pretty rare. So I’m gonna start using this a lot more. It took a couple days of tinkering with the amounts to figure out what was most effective, but I highly recommend any chronic pain patients to try this first. Even though it’s $150 a bottle, which lasted me about a month, it was worth every penny. When I started this journey, I think the thing I was most afraid of was, would ingesting the cannabis affect my energy or my ability to function or my personality? When in reality, I was able to sleep better, and my headaches were less frequent, which gave me more energy. I just so badly want others to be able to have the chance to experience what I did. What’s it gonna take for that to happen? Is it like a big company backing medicinal marijuana? What is it gonna take? Is it money? Is it more signatures? I don’t know, what? – Well I think for us to do, for example, this kind of research in the VA, a federal entity, would probably require a repeal of the Federal Controlled Substances Act. – If you get anything from this video, know that it’s, chronic pain sufferers don’t just want your sympathy. They want your support and your action. I put some links below to organizations that are working all across the country to reform medical marijuana laws as well as some resources for chronic pain sufferers. I want to give a huge shout out and thanks to WHTC, UCLA, and the Facial Pain Research Foundation. And if you’re a sufferer, I just wanna say, don’t give up. Keep trying different methods. Talk to your doctor, make them listen to your concerns. Tell them about cannabis, talk to them about cannabis. I am happy to have found an alternative to prescription pills or opiates because a lot of times that’s the first option chronic pain sufferers are given. And for people like me, whose condition doesn’t even react to opiates, this has been an incredibly life changing experience. I’ve been so happy to be educated about this and learn more about how my body reacts to medical marijuana so that I’m not so nervous or afraid of it anymore. I’m gonna keep using the CBD roll-on stick and I use the Charlotte’s Web everyday, but I’m not gonna stop trying things. This is definitely not the solution. It’s not over. And just seeing the widespread acceptance of this plant as medicine, makes me feel incredibly excited and optimistic about chronic pain. For the first time ever.

Again, Bless and have a relaxing day !

[mikepepi]

What Is Hemp

New Post has been published on http://mo420.ca/what-is-hemp/

What Is Hemp

What Is Hemp

Suzette here, most 420 peeps know me from mo420.ca , but something that very few people know about me is that I suffer from a neuropathic, chronic pain condition know as Trigeminal Neuralgia, or TN. The Trigeminal nerve is a nerve located within the brain. It’s primarily responsible for transmitting sensation from the brain to the face. TN is a type of neuropathic pain. A type of pain that can occur when nerves are damaged or injured. In the medical field, Trigeminal Neuralgia is considered to be one of the worst pains known to mankind, sending excruciating pain throughout the face, head, and jaw. The pain of TN is comparable to severe burns, childbirth, and even the bite of a bullet ant. (crying) – Don’t, don’t, I’m okay. – At one point, TN was nicknamed the suicide disease because people who suffer from this would take their own lives because of the severity of the pain. Because of the pain, I’ve had multiple surgeries to try and fix it, along with expensive medications, therapies, treatments, injections, acupunctures. I just had Botox injected all across my forehead, into my scalp and jawline to try and help with the pain. You can kind of see the bruising. I mean that costs $1,200 just to get this area done. You name it, I have tried it. Well, I have tried almost everything. (upbeat music) Recently, I’ve heard news stories and read articles about marijuana helping chronic pain. I am at a point in my pain and in my life where I can’t take it anywhere and I’m willing to try anything. I don’t smoke weed. Anymore. Something you should know about me, I smoked weed back in high school and then once I got older, I kind of started having really adverse reactions to it, and just quit. Though I may not be a smoker anymore, I know that there’s hundreds of strains of cannabis, so I needed to know exactly what I was looking for. So I decided to a really smart place at UCLA and talk to a really fancy doctor about it. – There’s pretty strong evidence that whole leaf marijuana, or extracts of it, can be helpful for nerve pain. Chronic pain, but specifically nerve pain. Is the strongest evidence. – Wait a minute there, doc. Just how far back does this evidence go? There are records from 2900 BCE of Chinese Emperor Fu Hsi stating marijuana possesses yin and yang. Around 1000 BCE in Ancient India, cannabis was combined with milk to drink as an anesthetic. The Ancient Greek doctor Galen would use cannabis to treat flatulence and pain. The Mexican Revolution of 1910 brought many Mexican immigrants to the US who introduced Americans to the recreational use of weed. The Great Depression increased racial tension which caused the public demand for government to crack down on marijuana use. Marijuana was then associated with lower class communities. So basically for forever, marijuana use wasn’t seen negatively until an influx of immigrants and racial tension caused it to be criminalized, causing it to lose its historical association with medicine. But, back to Dr. Strouse telling me something that blew my mind. – It’s not at all clear that THC alone has much pain-relieving affect. – Oh. Gonna be on the hunt, not for weed, but something called CBD oil, which is actually THC free. What is the difference between CBD and THC? – The psychoactive part of marijuana, the part that gets you high, is THC. – Right. – CBD does not tend to make people feel high or intoxicated, that there’s a balance there that a roughly one to one mix sort of makes it easier for people to get a pain relief without that highness that at least some people experience as unpleasant. – What? Why don’t these teach us this kind of shit in high school? That there’s a weed out there that I can smoke and not get high. Today I’m gonna go try and get my weed card. I’m actually walking to a place that’s on the corner of my street, because in Los Angeles, these places are everywhere. So you can’t just go to your regular doctor to get a marijuana card, you have to go to a doctor that specializes in medical marijuana evaluations. So, got the paper, and the card. It took what, how long? – [Man] Like five seconds. – Like five seconds. So literally I sat in a room and a nurse brought in a computer screen and a guy on the other side was on Skype and I told him what was wrong with me and he said, “Great, I’m gonna give you a recommendation.” It was very sketchy but super easy. So I had my card and now I knew what I was kind of looking for, so now I just needed to go to a dispensary. Dispensaries just like a store for weed. – My name is Allen, we’re at WHTC in Studio City. You know, we’re not doctors, so, we really work with the patients to see what’s bothering them, what their ailments are, and how we could help them. – So I notice you’re using the word “patients.” – Yes. – [Kelsey] Explain what that means. – A lot of people say customers, it’s that, no, we’re a medical marijuana dispensary. Everyone here is a patient. They went to a doctor, they have a– – Medical marijuana card, I just got one. – Medical marijuana card, which is actually their prescription or their doctor’s recommendation, saying that they can come in here and that they have an ailment that requires medical marijuana. We see a wide variety of patients, dealing with all sorts of ailments. Anywhere from Crohn’s, diabetes, neuropathy, fibromyalgia, and chemo and cancer patients, absolutely. – Right. And people know about cancer. A lot people don’t know about, like, the anxiety that it can with, or depression, or other “invisible illnesses.” – CBD’s very helpful because it’s an anti-inflammatory, anti-anxiety, anti-arthritis. – So, what is the most popular medicine you sell here? – Between flowers, edibles, and concentrates– – Wait, flowers? – Flowers, as in medical marijuana. – [Kelsey] Okay, I was like, “What?” – So yeah, we refer to that as flower, then you have concentrate, which is also know an oil. Then we have topicals and tinctures and edibles, so there’s top sellers within every market. There’s just a wide variety. – Now it’s time to get to schmokin’. I just left the dispensary and I’m actually feeling like, insanely optimistic. I’m in the parking lot at work, and I’m gonna just try one of these things now ’cause I can’t wait to get home, so. I’m going to use this stick. – Another popular method, especially for neuropathy, is topicals. – [Kelsey] Lotion. – [Allen] Lotion, exactly. – Oh. Oh wow, that’s very nice. Ah, god, that feels so good. It definitely smells like kind of, Icy Hot. It has this weird cooling. So it’s been about two hours since I used the roll on stick. My muscles feel so relaxed. I still have a lot of the tightness where the nerve damage is. As far as the muscles in my actual jaws and temple, oh my god, it’s like no amount of physical therapy has given me relief for this long. – When people hear CBD, they don’t know what CBD looks like, but if you’re looking at it from a raw form. This would be our Mai Tai Cookies, and this has actually won first place at the High Time Cannabis Cup for best CBD flower. – I was also really nervous to try the flower. It tastes like pot. Because it reminded me of what I smoked in high school to get really high. When I used to smoke weed, I just knew about two kinds: mids and dro. How much should I smoke? This is weird. I don’t know, I don’t trust this. Jesus fuck. Okay, so, I’ll let that settle in. But I was nervous for nothing. It turns out it was really great, and the thing I loved most about the flowers was that it helped me the most out of all the methods with my headaches so, anyone who suffers from chronic migraines, I would highly recommend this product. We see those things on Facebook, those videos where someone’s having some sort of seizure or convulsion and they’re given some weed, whether through a pen or a dose, and then five minutes later, they’re totally normal. If we have proof like that, why is the research still so, I don’t know, underfunded, or shunned upon? – I’m gonna sound like a nerdy doctor and try to answer this question. – Please do, that’s why we’re here. – I apologize. But, you know, I’ve seen some of those amazing video footage, for example, the kids with these horrible epilepsy problems who go to Colorado, who get Charlotte’s Web. – Right, we’ve all heard it. – That looks very compelling, and I think the fact that it’s so compelling and there’s so many really moving testimonials by parents is why there are now clinical trials being done with CBD by major university medical center neurology, epilepsy specialists. – So we’re moving in the right direction? – [Dr. Strouse] We are, we are. – Okay, so it’s 6:30 on a Friday night, and while everyone else is going out and doing shit, I can barely function as a human. The only thing that I can equate it to is like red hot fire ants just biting your face and no matter what you do, you can’t stop it. So, I’m going to try Black Medicated Rub. One CBD to THC, it doesn’t really say how much to take, so I just took that. Oh my god, it smells so good. Let this settle in. It kind of looks like I just have a really poppin’ gloss on. – It’s a process. Start very small the first night, see how that affected you. Take note. Moving forward, you adjust. – So it’s been about 30 minutes and I don’t feel anything, so we’re gonna take it up a notch. Gonna use this pen. What do you find to be the most popular? – The vape cartridge, which is really quick. This is like almost instant relief. You vape it, and within a minute, you’re probably gonna feel the effects. – Delicious. Yo, I still cannot get over the fact that I am a vape bro. It’s also considered to be one of the healthiest ways to ingest cannabis, ’cause you’re not smoking any chemicals or papers. It was fast, it was easy, it was by far the most convenient way to ingest the cannabis, but its effects didn’t last very long. So if you’re gonna try this method, I would suggest bringing it with you wherever you go, or getting a higher concentrate in the pen. I’d read online that people had a lot of success with tinctures, so I bought a variety of kinds with various amounts of CBD and THC. Was pricey at $60, but hey, willing to try anything. They were the most expensive method that I tried, and none of them really worked for me. I don’t feel shit. About halfway through, I think after repeatedly failing with the tinctures, I really started to get depressed. (slow music) I just got done with one of my doctor’s appointments. The appointment is $195 for a 20 minute appoinemtnt for someone to tell you it’s trial and error and shit may or may not work. These specialist kinds of doctors aren’t covered by insurance and they have to get paid because the work that they’re doing is so underfunded. Of course they have to charge a bunch ’cause all of this shit is so experimental. The idea that medical marijuana is something that you can keep in your home, it’s at my disposal whenever I want it, I can take it whenever I want it. That would be like a fucking miracle, ’cause I am so sick of these fucking doctor’s appointments. But then I think medical marijuana maybe that is the best option to even try first. I don’t know, it’s starting to really fuckin’ fuck with me. Is the legalization of marijuana kind of undermining the use of it as medicine, too? Like, are people afraid that if medical marijuana becomes kind of the norm, will people stop going to see doctors, will people stop writing prescriptions, will the pharmaceutical world collapse? Is that a concern? – Though yes, my hunches may be there are people concerned about that, at another level people, many people are worried about how responsible is big marijuana gonna be, right? Big marijuana, like big tobacco, which until whatever year it was, 1982, was telling us that cigarettes didn’t cause lung cancer. So it’s a huge business opportunity here and they’re going for it and so, in whose interest will that business development be? Marijuana’s still illegal according to the Controlled Substances Act of the federal government. But not in CANADA!!! HAAAA..It’s simply to work with the organizations that the federal government sustains, is really complicated and bureaucratic and that’s one of the reasons why there’s so much anger. – Right, around it. – Around it. – ‘Cause then it becomes like a government thing. We’re letting the government control whether or not people can get better. While there is research being done, the US is so far behind compared to other countries. There are still so many states where this is illegal, and there is a stigma of that hippy stoner, vibe attached to this medicine. I could not imagine living in a state where I needed this to function and then potentially having to go to a job where they drug test and not being able to take my medicine. I want people to watch this video and rethink their relationship and their opinions on marijuana. To cheer myself up, I decided to take an edible which I have heard so many horror stories where people have eaten it, don’t feel anything, they eat more, and then like two hours later, they’re melting into the wall. So I made my roommate try it with me, and guys, this was the one time that I got super high. And we also made some brownies and just laughed and I got nothing done, I couldn’t even blog about it. I just realized that that method is not practical for my lifestyle. Last minute I decided to add one more thing to the test. This was a medication that I had talked to Dr. Strouse about, it’s called Charlotte’s Web. So they can actually sell it to any state in America because it’s considered hemp, and not cannabis. This one I’m really excited to try because this is the kind of strain that we see in those Facebook videos. They recommend that you use this and kind of integrate it into part of your diet so they’re saying it might not work the first time, maybe it does for some people, but it’s something that you should do daily. Mmm, it tastes like mint chocolate chip. Charlotte’s Web. Oh my god, Charlotte’s Web. I promise, despite the look of my hair, I’m doing much better today. I actually slept, like, some of the best sleep I’ve slept in a long time, which, to have a pain free sleep night is pretty rare. So I’m gonna start using this a lot more. It took a couple days of tinkering with the amounts to figure out what was most effective, but I highly recommend any chronic pain patients to try this first. Even though it’s $150 a bottle, which lasted me about a month, it was worth every penny. When I started this journey, I think the thing I was most afraid of was, would ingesting the cannabis affect my energy or my ability to function or my personality? When in reality, I was able to sleep better, and my headaches were less frequent, which gave me more energy. I just so badly want others to be able to have the chance to experience what I did. What’s it gonna take for that to happen? Is it like a big company backing medicinal marijuana? What is it gonna take? Is it money? Is it more signatures? I don’t know, what? – Well I think for us to do, for example, this kind of research in the VA, a federal entity, would probably require a repeal of the Federal Controlled Substances Act. – If you get anything from this video, know that it’s, chronic pain sufferers don’t just want your sympathy. They want your support and your action. I put some links below to organizations that are working all across the country to reform medical marijuana laws as well as some resources for chronic pain sufferers. I want to give a huge shout out and thanks to WHTC, UCLA, and the Facial Pain Research Foundation. And if you’re a sufferer, I just wanna say, don’t give up. Keep trying different methods. Talk to your doctor, make them listen to your concerns. Tell them about cannabis, talk to them about cannabis. I am happy to have found an alternative to prescription pills or opiates because a lot of times that’s the first option chronic pain sufferers are given. And for people like me, whose condition doesn’t even react to opiates, this has been an incredibly life changing experience. I’ve been so happy to be educated about this and learn more about how my body reacts to medical marijuana so that I’m not so nervous or afraid of it anymore. I’m gonna keep using the CBD roll-on stick and I use the Charlotte’s Web everyday, but I’m not gonna stop trying things. This is definitely not the solution. It’s not over. And just seeing the widespread acceptance of this plant as medicine, makes me feel incredibly excited and optimistic about chronic pain. For the first time ever.

Again, Bless and have a relaxing day !

[indierecords]

What Is Hemp

New Post has been published on http://mo420.ca/what-is-hemp/

What Is Hemp

What Is Hemp

Suzette here, most 420 peeps know me from mo420.ca , but something that very few people know about me is that I suffer from a neuropathic, chronic pain condition know as Trigeminal Neuralgia, or TN. The Trigeminal nerve is a nerve located within the brain. It’s primarily responsible for transmitting sensation from the brain to the face. TN is a type of neuropathic pain. A type of pain that can occur when nerves are damaged or injured. In the medical field, Trigeminal Neuralgia is considered to be one of the worst pains known to mankind, sending excruciating pain throughout the face, head, and jaw. The pain of TN is comparable to severe burns, childbirth, and even the bite of a bullet ant. (crying) – Don’t, don’t, I’m okay. – At one point, TN was nicknamed the suicide disease because people who suffer from this would take their own lives because of the severity of the pain. Because of the pain, I’ve had multiple surgeries to try and fix it, along with expensive medications, therapies, treatments, injections, acupunctures. I just had Botox injected all across my forehead, into my scalp and jawline to try and help with the pain. You can kind of see the bruising. I mean that costs $1,200 just to get this area done. You name it, I have tried it. Well, I have tried almost everything. (upbeat music) Recently, I’ve heard news stories and read articles about marijuana helping chronic pain. I am at a point in my pain and in my life where I can’t take it anywhere and I’m willing to try anything. I don’t smoke weed. Anymore. Something you should know about me, I smoked weed back in high school and then once I got older, I kind of started having really adverse reactions to it, and just quit. Though I may not be a smoker anymore, I know that there’s hundreds of strains of cannabis, so I needed to know exactly what I was looking for. So I decided to a really smart place at UCLA and talk to a really fancy doctor about it. – There’s pretty strong evidence that whole leaf marijuana, or extracts of it, can be helpful for nerve pain. Chronic pain, but specifically nerve pain. Is the strongest evidence. – Wait a minute there, doc. Just how far back does this evidence go? There are records from 2900 BCE of Chinese Emperor Fu Hsi stating marijuana possesses yin and yang. Around 1000 BCE in Ancient India, cannabis was combined with milk to drink as an anesthetic. The Ancient Greek doctor Galen would use cannabis to treat flatulence and pain. The Mexican Revolution of 1910 brought many Mexican immigrants to the US who introduced Americans to the recreational use of weed. The Great Depression increased racial tension which caused the public demand for government to crack down on marijuana use. Marijuana was then associated with lower class communities. So basically for forever, marijuana use wasn’t seen negatively until an influx of immigrants and racial tension caused it to be criminalized, causing it to lose its historical association with medicine. But, back to Dr. Strouse telling me something that blew my mind. – It’s not at all clear that THC alone has much pain-relieving affect. – Oh. Gonna be on the hunt, not for weed, but something called CBD oil, which is actually THC free. What is the difference between CBD and THC? – The psychoactive part of marijuana, the part that gets you high, is THC. – Right. – CBD does not tend to make people feel high or intoxicated, that there’s a balance there that a roughly one to one mix sort of makes it easier for people to get a pain relief without that highness that at least some people experience as unpleasant. – What? Why don’t these teach us this kind of shit in high school? That there’s a weed out there that I can smoke and not get high. Today I’m gonna go try and get my weed card. I’m actually walking to a place that’s on the corner of my street, because in Los Angeles, these places are everywhere. So you can’t just go to your regular doctor to get a marijuana card, you have to go to a doctor that specializes in medical marijuana evaluations. So, got the paper, and the card. It took what, how long? – [Man] Like five seconds. – Like five seconds. So literally I sat in a room and a nurse brought in a computer screen and a guy on the other side was on Skype and I told him what was wrong with me and he said, “Great, I’m gonna give you a recommendation.” It was very sketchy but super easy. So I had my card and now I knew what I was kind of looking for, so now I just needed to go to a dispensary. Dispensaries just like a store for weed. – My name is Allen, we’re at WHTC in Studio City. You know, we’re not doctors, so, we really work with the patients to see what’s bothering them, what their ailments are, and how we could help them. – So I notice you’re using the word “patients.” – Yes. – [Kelsey] Explain what that means. – A lot of people say customers, it’s that, no, we’re a medical marijuana dispensary. Everyone here is a patient. They went to a doctor, they have a– – Medical marijuana card, I just got one. – Medical marijuana card, which is actually their prescription or their doctor’s recommendation, saying that they can come in here and that they have an ailment that requires medical marijuana. We see a wide variety of patients, dealing with all sorts of ailments. Anywhere from Crohn’s, diabetes, neuropathy, fibromyalgia, and chemo and cancer patients, absolutely. – Right. And people know about cancer. A lot people don’t know about, like, the anxiety that it can with, or depression, or other “invisible illnesses.” – CBD’s very helpful because it’s an anti-inflammatory, anti-anxiety, anti-arthritis. – So, what is the most popular medicine you sell here? – Between flowers, edibles, and concentrates– – Wait, flowers? – Flowers, as in medical marijuana. – [Kelsey] Okay, I was like, “What?” – So yeah, we refer to that as flower, then you have concentrate, which is also know an oil. Then we have topicals and tinctures and edibles, so there’s top sellers within every market. There’s just a wide variety. – Now it’s time to get to schmokin’. I just left the dispensary and I’m actually feeling like, insanely optimistic. I’m in the parking lot at work, and I’m gonna just try one of these things now ’cause I can’t wait to get home, so. I’m going to use this stick. – Another popular method, especially for neuropathy, is topicals. – [Kelsey] Lotion. – [Allen] Lotion, exactly. – Oh. Oh wow, that’s very nice. Ah, god, that feels so good. It definitely smells like kind of, Icy Hot. It has this weird cooling. So it’s been about two hours since I used the roll on stick. My muscles feel so relaxed. I still have a lot of the tightness where the nerve damage is. As far as the muscles in my actual jaws and temple, oh my god, it’s like no amount of physical therapy has given me relief for this long. – When people hear CBD, they don’t know what CBD looks like, but if you’re looking at it from a raw form. This would be our Mai Tai Cookies, and this has actually won first place at the High Time Cannabis Cup for best CBD flower. – I was also really nervous to try the flower. It tastes like pot. Because it reminded me of what I smoked in high school to get really high. When I used to smoke weed, I just knew about two kinds: mids and dro. How much should I smoke? This is weird. I don’t know, I don’t trust this. Jesus fuck. Okay, so, I’ll let that settle in. But I was nervous for nothing. It turns out it was really great, and the thing I loved most about the flowers was that it helped me the most out of all the methods with my headaches so, anyone who suffers from chronic migraines, I would highly recommend this product. We see those things on Facebook, those videos where someone’s having some sort of seizure or convulsion and they’re given some weed, whether through a pen or a dose, and then five minutes later, they’re totally normal. If we have proof like that, why is the research still so, I don’t know, underfunded, or shunned upon? – I’m gonna sound like a nerdy doctor and try to answer this question. – Please do, that’s why we’re here. – I apologize. But, you know, I’ve seen some of those amazing video footage, for example, the kids with these horrible epilepsy problems who go to Colorado, who get Charlotte’s Web. – Right, we’ve all heard it. – That looks very compelling, and I think the fact that it’s so compelling and there’s so many really moving testimonials by parents is why there are now clinical trials being done with CBD by major university medical center neurology, epilepsy specialists. – So we’re moving in the right direction? – [Dr. Strouse] We are, we are. – Okay, so it’s 6:30 on a Friday night, and while everyone else is going out and doing shit, I can barely function as a human. The only thing that I can equate it to is like red hot fire ants just biting your face and no matter what you do, you can’t stop it. So, I’m going to try Black Medicated Rub. One CBD to THC, it doesn’t really say how much to take, so I just took that. Oh my god, it smells so good. Let this settle in. It kind of looks like I just have a really poppin’ gloss on. – It’s a process. Start very small the first night, see how that affected you. Take note. Moving forward, you adjust. – So it’s been about 30 minutes and I don’t feel anything, so we’re gonna take it up a notch. Gonna use this pen. What do you find to be the most popular? – The vape cartridge, which is really quick. This is like almost instant relief. You vape it, and within a minute, you’re probably gonna feel the effects. – Delicious. Yo, I still cannot get over the fact that I am a vape bro. It’s also considered to be one of the healthiest ways to ingest cannabis, ’cause you’re not smoking any chemicals or papers. It was fast, it was easy, it was by far the most convenient way to ingest the cannabis, but its effects didn’t last very long. So if you’re gonna try this method, I would suggest bringing it with you wherever you go, or getting a higher concentrate in the pen. I’d read online that people had a lot of success with tinctures, so I bought a variety of kinds with various amounts of CBD and THC. Was pricey at $60, but hey, willing to try anything. They were the most expensive method that I tried, and none of them really worked for me. I don’t feel shit. About halfway through, I think after repeatedly failing with the tinctures, I really started to get depressed. (slow music) I just got done with one of my doctor’s appointments. The appointment is $195 for a 20 minute appoinemtnt for someone to tell you it’s trial and error and shit may or may not work. These specialist kinds of doctors aren’t covered by insurance and they have to get paid because the work that they’re doing is so underfunded. Of course they have to charge a bunch ’cause all of this shit is so experimental. The idea that medical marijuana is something that you can keep in your home, it’s at my disposal whenever I want it, I can take it whenever I want it. That would be like a fucking miracle, ’cause I am so sick of these fucking doctor’s appointments. But then I think medical marijuana maybe that is the best option to even try first. I don’t know, it’s starting to really fuckin’ fuck with me. Is the legalization of marijuana kind of undermining the use of it as medicine, too? Like, are people afraid that if medical marijuana becomes kind of the norm, will people stop going to see doctors, will people stop writing prescriptions, will the pharmaceutical world collapse? Is that a concern? – Though yes, my hunches may be there are people concerned about that, at another level people, many people are worried about how responsible is big marijuana gonna be, right? Big marijuana, like big tobacco, which until whatever year it was, 1982, was telling us that cigarettes didn’t cause lung cancer. So it’s a huge business opportunity here and they’re going for it and so, in whose interest will that business development be? Marijuana’s still illegal according to the Controlled Substances Act of the federal government. But not in CANADA!!! HAAAA..It’s simply to work with the organizations that the federal government sustains, is really complicated and bureaucratic and that’s one of the reasons why there’s so much anger. – Right, around it. – Around it. – ‘Cause then it becomes like a government thing. We’re letting the government control whether or not people can get better. While there is research being done, the US is so far behind compared to other countries. There are still so many states where this is illegal, and there is a stigma of that hippy stoner, vibe attached to this medicine. I could not imagine living in a state where I needed this to function and then potentially having to go to a job where they drug test and not being able to take my medicine. I want people to watch this video and rethink their relationship and their opinions on marijuana. To cheer myself up, I decided to take an edible which I have heard so many horror stories where people have eaten it, don’t feel anything, they eat more, and then like two hours later, they’re melting into the wall. So I made my roommate try it with me, and guys, this was the one time that I got super high. And we also made some brownies and just laughed and I got nothing done, I couldn’t even blog about it. I just realized that that method is not practical for my lifestyle. Last minute I decided to add one more thing to the test. This was a medication that I had talked to Dr. Strouse about, it’s called Charlotte’s Web. So they can actually sell it to any state in America because it’s considered hemp, and not cannabis. This one I’m really excited to try because this is the kind of strain that we see in those Facebook videos. They recommend that you use this and kind of integrate it into part of your diet so they’re saying it might not work the first time, maybe it does for some people, but it’s something that you should do daily. Mmm, it tastes like mint chocolate chip. Charlotte’s Web. Oh my god, Charlotte’s Web. I promise, despite the look of my hair, I’m doing much better today. I actually slept, like, some of the best sleep I’ve slept in a long time, which, to have a pain free sleep night is pretty rare. So I’m gonna start using this a lot more. It took a couple days of tinkering with the amounts to figure out what was most effective, but I highly recommend any chronic pain patients to try this first. Even though it’s $150 a bottle, which lasted me about a month, it was worth every penny. When I started this journey, I think the thing I was most afraid of was, would ingesting the cannabis affect my energy or my ability to function or my personality? When in reality, I was able to sleep better, and my headaches were less frequent, which gave me more energy. I just so badly want others to be able to have the chance to experience what I did. What’s it gonna take for that to happen? Is it like a big company backing medicinal marijuana? What is it gonna take? Is it money? Is it more signatures? I don’t know, what? – Well I think for us to do, for example, this kind of research in the VA, a federal entity, would probably require a repeal of the Federal Controlled Substances Act. – If you get anything from this video, know that it’s, chronic pain sufferers don’t just want your sympathy. They want your support and your action. I put some links below to organizations that are working all across the country to reform medical marijuana laws as well as some resources for chronic pain sufferers. I want to give a huge shout out and thanks to WHTC, UCLA, and the Facial Pain Research Foundation. And if you’re a sufferer, I just wanna say, don’t give up. Keep trying different methods. Talk to your doctor, make them listen to your concerns. Tell them about cannabis, talk to them about cannabis. I am happy to have found an alternative to prescription pills or opiates because a lot of times that’s the first option chronic pain sufferers are given. And for people like me, whose condition doesn’t even react to opiates, this has been an incredibly life changing experience. I’ve been so happy to be educated about this and learn more about how my body reacts to medical marijuana so that I’m not so nervous or afraid of it anymore. I’m gonna keep using the CBD roll-on stick and I use the Charlotte’s Web everyday, but I’m not gonna stop trying things. This is definitely not the solution. It’s not over. And just seeing the widespread acceptance of this plant as medicine, makes me feel incredibly excited and optimistic about chronic pain. For the first time ever.

Again, Bless and have a relaxing day !

[axolotlottie]

What Is Hemp

New Post has been published on http://mo420.ca/what-is-hemp/

What Is Hemp

What Is Hemp

Suzette here, most 420 peeps know me from mo420.ca , but something that very few people know about me is that I suffer from a neuropathic, chronic pain condition know as Trigeminal Neuralgia, or TN. The Trigeminal nerve is a nerve located within the brain. It’s primarily responsible for transmitting sensation from the brain to the face. TN is a type of neuropathic pain. A type of pain that can occur when nerves are damaged or injured. In the medical field, Trigeminal Neuralgia is considered to be one of the worst pains known to mankind, sending excruciating pain throughout the face, head, and jaw. The pain of TN is comparable to severe burns, childbirth, and even the bite of a bullet ant. (crying) – Don’t, don’t, I’m okay. – At one point, TN was nicknamed the suicide disease because people who suffer from this would take their own lives because of the severity of the pain. Because of the pain, I’ve had multiple surgeries to try and fix it, along with expensive medications, therapies, treatments, injections, acupunctures. I just had Botox injected all across my forehead, into my scalp and jawline to try and help with the pain. You can kind of see the bruising. I mean that costs $1,200 just to get this area done. You name it, I have tried it. Well, I have tried almost everything. (upbeat music) Recently, I’ve heard news stories and read articles about marijuana helping chronic pain. I am at a point in my pain and in my life where I can’t take it anywhere and I’m willing to try anything. I don’t smoke weed. Anymore. Something you should know about me, I smoked weed back in high school and then once I got older, I kind of started having really adverse reactions to it, and just quit. Though I may not be a smoker anymore, I know that there’s hundreds of strains of cannabis, so I needed to know exactly what I was looking for. So I decided to a really smart place at UCLA and talk to a really fancy doctor about it. – There’s pretty strong evidence that whole leaf marijuana, or extracts of it, can be helpful for nerve pain. Chronic pain, but specifically nerve pain. Is the strongest evidence. – Wait a minute there, doc. Just how far back does this evidence go? There are records from 2900 BCE of Chinese Emperor Fu Hsi stating marijuana possesses yin and yang. Around 1000 BCE in Ancient India, cannabis was combined with milk to drink as an anesthetic. The Ancient Greek doctor Galen would use cannabis to treat flatulence and pain. The Mexican Revolution of 1910 brought many Mexican immigrants to the US who introduced Americans to the recreational use of weed. The Great Depression increased racial tension which caused the public demand for government to crack down on marijuana use. Marijuana was then associated with lower class communities. So basically for forever, marijuana use wasn’t seen negatively until an influx of immigrants and racial tension caused it to be criminalized, causing it to lose its historical association with medicine. But, back to Dr. Strouse telling me something that blew my mind. – It’s not at all clear that THC alone has much pain-relieving affect. – Oh. Gonna be on the hunt, not for weed, but something called CBD oil, which is actually THC free. What is the difference between CBD and THC? – The psychoactive part of marijuana, the part that gets you high, is THC. – Right. – CBD does not tend to make people feel high or intoxicated, that there’s a balance there that a roughly one to one mix sort of makes it easier for people to get a pain relief without that highness that at least some people experience as unpleasant. – What? Why don’t these teach us this kind of shit in high school? That there’s a weed out there that I can smoke and not get high. Today I’m gonna go try and get my weed card. I’m actually walking to a place that’s on the corner of my street, because in Los Angeles, these places are everywhere. So you can’t just go to your regular doctor to get a marijuana card, you have to go to a doctor that specializes in medical marijuana evaluations. So, got the paper, and the card. It took what, how long? – [Man] Like five seconds. – Like five seconds. So literally I sat in a room and a nurse brought in a computer screen and a guy on the other side was on Skype and I told him what was wrong with me and he said, “Great, I’m gonna give you a recommendation.” It was very sketchy but super easy. So I had my card and now I knew what I was kind of looking for, so now I just needed to go to a dispensary. Dispensaries just like a store for weed. – My name is Allen, we’re at WHTC in Studio City. You know, we’re not doctors, so, we really work with the patients to see what’s bothering them, what their ailments are, and how we could help them. – So I notice you’re using the word “patients.” – Yes. – [Kelsey] Explain what that means. – A lot of people say customers, it’s that, no, we’re a medical marijuana dispensary. Everyone here is a patient. They went to a doctor, they have a– – Medical marijuana card, I just got one. – Medical marijuana card, which is actually their prescription or their doctor’s recommendation, saying that they can come in here and that they have an ailment that requires medical marijuana. We see a wide variety of patients, dealing with all sorts of ailments. Anywhere from Crohn’s, diabetes, neuropathy, fibromyalgia, and chemo and cancer patients, absolutely. – Right. And people know about cancer. A lot people don’t know about, like, the anxiety that it can with, or depression, or other “invisible illnesses.” – CBD’s very helpful because it’s an anti-inflammatory, anti-anxiety, anti-arthritis. – So, what is the most popular medicine you sell here? – Between flowers, edibles, and concentrates– – Wait, flowers? – Flowers, as in medical marijuana. – [Kelsey] Okay, I was like, “What?” – So yeah, we refer to that as flower, then you have concentrate, which is also know an oil. Then we have topicals and tinctures and edibles, so there’s top sellers within every market. There’s just a wide variety. – Now it’s time to get to schmokin’. I just left the dispensary and I’m actually feeling like, insanely optimistic. I’m in the parking lot at work, and I’m gonna just try one of these things now ’cause I can’t wait to get home, so. I’m going to use this stick. – Another popular method, especially for neuropathy, is topicals. – [Kelsey] Lotion. – [Allen] Lotion, exactly. – Oh. Oh wow, that’s very nice. Ah, god, that feels so good. It definitely smells like kind of, Icy Hot. It has this weird cooling. So it’s been about two hours since I used the roll on stick. My muscles feel so relaxed. I still have a lot of the tightness where the nerve damage is. As far as the muscles in my actual jaws and temple, oh my god, it’s like no amount of physical therapy has given me relief for this long. – When people hear CBD, they don’t know what CBD looks like, but if you’re looking at it from a raw form. This would be our Mai Tai Cookies, and this has actually won first place at the High Time Cannabis Cup for best CBD flower. – I was also really nervous to try the flower. It tastes like pot. Because it reminded me of what I smoked in high school to get really high. When I used to smoke weed, I just knew about two kinds: mids and dro. How much should I smoke? This is weird. I don’t know, I don’t trust this. Jesus fuck. Okay, so, I’ll let that settle in. But I was nervous for nothing. It turns out it was really great, and the thing I loved most about the flowers was that it helped me the most out of all the methods with my headaches so, anyone who suffers from chronic migraines, I would highly recommend this product. We see those things on Facebook, those videos where someone’s having some sort of seizure or convulsion and they’re given some weed, whether through a pen or a dose, and then five minutes later, they’re totally normal. If we have proof like that, why is the research still so, I don’t know, underfunded, or shunned upon? – I’m gonna sound like a nerdy doctor and try to answer this question. – Please do, that’s why we’re here. – I apologize. But, you know, I’ve seen some of those amazing video footage, for example, the kids with these horrible epilepsy problems who go to Colorado, who get Charlotte’s Web. – Right, we’ve all heard it. – That looks very compelling, and I think the fact that it’s so compelling and there’s so many really moving testimonials by parents is why there are now clinical trials being done with CBD by major university medical center neurology, epilepsy specialists. – So we’re moving in the right direction? – [Dr. Strouse] We are, we are. – Okay, so it’s 6:30 on a Friday night, and while everyone else is going out and doing shit, I can barely function as a human. The only thing that I can equate it to is like red hot fire ants just biting your face and no matter what you do, you can’t stop it. So, I’m going to try Black Medicated Rub. One CBD to THC, it doesn’t really say how much to take, so I just took that. Oh my god, it smells so good. Let this settle in. It kind of looks like I just have a really poppin’ gloss on. – It’s a process. Start very small the first night, see how that affected you. Take note. Moving forward, you adjust. – So it’s been about 30 minutes and I don’t feel anything, so we’re gonna take it up a notch. Gonna use this pen. What do you find to be the most popular? – The vape cartridge, which is really quick. This is like almost instant relief. You vape it, and within a minute, you’re probably gonna feel the effects. – Delicious. Yo, I still cannot get over the fact that I am a vape bro. It’s also considered to be one of the healthiest ways to ingest cannabis, ’cause you’re not smoking any chemicals or papers. It was fast, it was easy, it was by far the most convenient way to ingest the cannabis, but its effects didn’t last very long. So if you’re gonna try this method, I would suggest bringing it with you wherever you go, or getting a higher concentrate in the pen. I’d read online that people had a lot of success with tinctures, so I bought a variety of kinds with various amounts of CBD and THC. Was pricey at $60, but hey, willing to try anything. They were the most expensive method that I tried, and none of them really worked for me. I don’t feel shit. About halfway through, I think after repeatedly failing with the tinctures, I really started to get depressed. (slow music) I just got done with one of my doctor’s appointments. The appointment is $195 for a 20 minute appoinemtnt for someone to tell you it’s trial and error and shit may or may not work. These specialist kinds of doctors aren’t covered by insurance and they have to get paid because the work that they’re doing is so underfunded. Of course they have to charge a bunch ’cause all of this shit is so experimental. The idea that medical marijuana is something that you can keep in your home, it’s at my disposal whenever I want it, I can take it whenever I want it. That would be like a fucking miracle, ’cause I am so sick of these fucking doctor’s appointments. But then I think medical marijuana maybe that is the best option to even try first. I don’t know, it’s starting to really fuckin’ fuck with me. Is the legalization of marijuana kind of undermining the use of it as medicine, too? Like, are people afraid that if medical marijuana becomes kind of the norm, will people stop going to see doctors, will people stop writing prescriptions, will the pharmaceutical world collapse? Is that a concern? – Though yes, my hunches may be there are people concerned about that, at another level people, many people are worried about how responsible is big marijuana gonna be, right? Big marijuana, like big tobacco, which until whatever year it was, 1982, was telling us that cigarettes didn’t cause lung cancer. So it’s a huge business opportunity here and they’re going for it and so, in whose interest will that business development be? Marijuana’s still illegal according to the Controlled Substances Act of the federal government. But not in CANADA!!! HAAAA..It’s simply to work with the organizations that the federal government sustains, is really complicated and bureaucratic and that’s one of the reasons why there’s so much anger. – Right, around it. – Around it. – ‘Cause then it becomes like a government thing. We’re letting the government control whether or not people can get better. While there is research being done, the US is so far behind compared to other countries. There are still so many states where this is illegal, and there is a stigma of that hippy stoner, vibe attached to this medicine. I could not imagine living in a state where I needed this to function and then potentially having to go to a job where they drug test and not being able to take my medicine. I want people to watch this video and rethink their relationship and their opinions on marijuana. To cheer myself up, I decided to take an edible which I have heard so many horror stories where people have eaten it, don’t feel anything, they eat more, and then like two hours later, they’re melting into the wall. So I made my roommate try it with me, and guys, this was the one time that I got super high. And we also made some brownies and just laughed and I got nothing done, I couldn’t even blog about it. I just realized that that method is not practical for my lifestyle. Last minute I decided to add one more thing to the test. This was a medication that I had talked to Dr. Strouse about, it’s called Charlotte’s Web. So they can actually sell it to any state in America because it’s considered hemp, and not cannabis. This one I’m really excited to try because this is the kind of strain that we see in those Facebook videos. They recommend that you use this and kind of integrate it into part of your diet so they’re saying it might not work the first time, maybe it does for some people, but it’s something that you should do daily. Mmm, it tastes like mint chocolate chip. Charlotte’s Web. Oh my god, Charlotte’s Web. I promise, despite the look of my hair, I’m doing much better today. I actually slept, like, some of the best sleep I’ve slept in a long time, which, to have a pain free sleep night is pretty rare. So I’m gonna start using this a lot more. It took a couple days of tinkering with the amounts to figure out what was most effective, but I highly recommend any chronic pain patients to try this first. Even though it’s $150 a bottle, which lasted me about a month, it was worth every penny. When I started this journey, I think the thing I was most afraid of was, would ingesting the cannabis affect my energy or my ability to function or my personality? When in reality, I was able to sleep better, and my headaches were less frequent, which gave me more energy. I just so badly want others to be able to have the chance to experience what I did. What’s it gonna take for that to happen? Is it like a big company backing medicinal marijuana? What is it gonna take? Is it money? Is it more signatures? I don’t know, what? – Well I think for us to do, for example, this kind of research in the VA, a federal entity, would probably require a repeal of the Federal Controlled Substances Act. – If you get anything from this video, know that it’s, chronic pain sufferers don’t just want your sympathy. They want your support and your action. I put some links below to organizations that are working all across the country to reform medical marijuana laws as well as some resources for chronic pain sufferers. I want to give a huge shout out and thanks to WHTC, UCLA, and the Facial Pain Research Foundation. And if you’re a sufferer, I just wanna say, don’t give up. Keep trying different methods. Talk to your doctor, make them listen to your concerns. Tell them about cannabis, talk to them about cannabis. I am happy to have found an alternative to prescription pills or opiates because a lot of times that’s the first option chronic pain sufferers are given. And for people like me, whose condition doesn’t even react to opiates, this has been an incredibly life changing experience. I’ve been so happy to be educated about this and learn more about how my body reacts to medical marijuana so that I’m not so nervous or afraid of it anymore. I’m gonna keep using the CBD roll-on stick and I use the Charlotte’s Web everyday, but I’m not gonna stop trying things. This is definitely not the solution. It’s not over. And just seeing the widespread acceptance of this plant as medicine, makes me feel incredibly excited and optimistic about chronic pain. For the first time ever.

Again, Bless and have a relaxing day !

[thingyoungbright]

What Is Hemp

New Post has been published on http://mo420.ca/what-is-hemp/

What Is Hemp

What Is Hemp

Suzette here, most 420 peeps know me from mo420.ca , but something that very few people know about me is that I suffer from a neuropathic, chronic pain condition know as Trigeminal Neuralgia, or TN. The Trigeminal nerve is a nerve located within the brain. It’s primarily responsible for transmitting sensation from the brain to the face. TN is a type of neuropathic pain. A type of pain that can occur when nerves are damaged or injured. In the medical field, Trigeminal Neuralgia is considered to be one of the worst pains known to mankind, sending excruciating pain throughout the face, head, and jaw. The pain of TN is comparable to severe burns, childbirth, and even the bite of a bullet ant. (crying) – Don’t, don’t, I’m okay. – At one point, TN was nicknamed the suicide disease because people who suffer from this would take their own lives because of the severity of the pain. Because of the pain, I’ve had multiple surgeries to try and fix it, along with expensive medications, therapies, treatments, injections, acupunctures. I just had Botox injected all across my forehead, into my scalp and jawline to try and help with the pain. You can kind of see the bruising. I mean that costs $1,200 just to get this area done. You name it, I have tried it. Well, I have tried almost everything. (upbeat music) Recently, I’ve heard news stories and read articles about marijuana helping chronic pain. I am at a point in my pain and in my life where I can’t take it anywhere and I’m willing to try anything. I don’t smoke weed. Anymore. Something you should know about me, I smoked weed back in high school and then once I got older, I kind of started having really adverse reactions to it, and just quit. Though I may not be a smoker anymore, I know that there’s hundreds of strains of cannabis, so I needed to know exactly what I was looking for. So I decided to a really smart place at UCLA and talk to a really fancy doctor about it. – There’s pretty strong evidence that whole leaf marijuana, or extracts of it, can be helpful for nerve pain. Chronic pain, but specifically nerve pain. Is the strongest evidence. – Wait a minute there, doc. Just how far back does this evidence go? There are records from 2900 BCE of Chinese Emperor Fu Hsi stating marijuana possesses yin and yang. Around 1000 BCE in Ancient India, cannabis was combined with milk to drink as an anesthetic. The Ancient Greek doctor Galen would use cannabis to treat flatulence and pain. The Mexican Revolution of 1910 brought many Mexican immigrants to the US who introduced Americans to the recreational use of weed. The Great Depression increased racial tension which caused the public demand for government to crack down on marijuana use. Marijuana was then associated with lower class communities. So basically for forever, marijuana use wasn’t seen negatively until an influx of immigrants and racial tension caused it to be criminalized, causing it to lose its historical association with medicine. But, back to Dr. Strouse telling me something that blew my mind. – It’s not at all clear that THC alone has much pain-relieving affect. – Oh. Gonna be on the hunt, not for weed, but something called CBD oil, which is actually THC free. What is the difference between CBD and THC? – The psychoactive part of marijuana, the part that gets you high, is THC. – Right. – CBD does not tend to make people feel high or intoxicated, that there’s a balance there that a roughly one to one mix sort of makes it easier for people to get a pain relief without that highness that at least some people experience as unpleasant. – What? Why don’t these teach us this kind of shit in high school? That there’s a weed out there that I can smoke and not get high. Today I’m gonna go try and get my weed card. I’m actually walking to a place that’s on the corner of my street, because in Los Angeles, these places are everywhere. So you can’t just go to your regular doctor to get a marijuana card, you have to go to a doctor that specializes in medical marijuana evaluations. So, got the paper, and the card. It took what, how long? – [Man] Like five seconds. – Like five seconds. So literally I sat in a room and a nurse brought in a computer screen and a guy on the other side was on Skype and I told him what was wrong with me and he said, “Great, I’m gonna give you a recommendation.” It was very sketchy but super easy. So I had my card and now I knew what I was kind of looking for, so now I just needed to go to a dispensary. Dispensaries just like a store for weed. – My name is Allen, we’re at WHTC in Studio City. You know, we’re not doctors, so, we really work with the patients to see what’s bothering them, what their ailments are, and how we could help them. – So I notice you’re using the word “patients.” – Yes. – [Kelsey] Explain what that means. – A lot of people say customers, it’s that, no, we’re a medical marijuana dispensary. Everyone here is a patient. They went to a doctor, they have a– – Medical marijuana card, I just got one. – Medical marijuana card, which is actually their prescription or their doctor’s recommendation, saying that they can come in here and that they have an ailment that requires medical marijuana. We see a wide variety of patients, dealing with all sorts of ailments. Anywhere from Crohn’s, diabetes, neuropathy, fibromyalgia, and chemo and cancer patients, absolutely. – Right. And people know about cancer. A lot people don’t know about, like, the anxiety that it can with, or depression, or other “invisible illnesses.” – CBD’s very helpful because it’s an anti-inflammatory, anti-anxiety, anti-arthritis. – So, what is the most popular medicine you sell here? – Between flowers, edibles, and concentrates– – Wait, flowers? – Flowers, as in medical marijuana. – [Kelsey] Okay, I was like, “What?” – So yeah, we refer to that as flower, then you have concentrate, which is also know an oil. Then we have topicals and tinctures and edibles, so there’s top sellers within every market. There’s just a wide variety. – Now it’s time to get to schmokin’. I just left the dispensary and I’m actually feeling like, insanely optimistic. I’m in the parking lot at work, and I’m gonna just try one of these things now ’cause I can’t wait to get home, so. I’m going to use this stick. – Another popular method, especially for neuropathy, is topicals. – [Kelsey] Lotion. – [Allen] Lotion, exactly. – Oh. Oh wow, that’s very nice. Ah, god, that feels so good. It definitely smells like kind of, Icy Hot. It has this weird cooling. So it’s been about two hours since I used the roll on stick. My muscles feel so relaxed. I still have a lot of the tightness where the nerve damage is. As far as the muscles in my actual jaws and temple, oh my god, it’s like no amount of physical therapy has given me relief for this long. – When people hear CBD, they don’t know what CBD looks like, but if you’re looking at it from a raw form. This would be our Mai Tai Cookies, and this has actually won first place at the High Time Cannabis Cup for best CBD flower. – I was also really nervous to try the flower. It tastes like pot. Because it reminded me of what I smoked in high school to get really high. When I used to smoke weed, I just knew about two kinds: mids and dro. How much should I smoke? This is weird. I don’t know, I don’t trust this. Jesus fuck. Okay, so, I’ll let that settle in. But I was nervous for nothing. It turns out it was really great, and the thing I loved most about the flowers was that it helped me the most out of all the methods with my headaches so, anyone who suffers from chronic migraines, I would highly recommend this product. We see those things on Facebook, those videos where someone’s having some sort of seizure or convulsion and they’re given some weed, whether through a pen or a dose, and then five minutes later, they’re totally normal. If we have proof like that, why is the research still so, I don’t know, underfunded, or shunned upon? – I’m gonna sound like a nerdy doctor and try to answer this question. – Please do, that’s why we’re here. – I apologize. But, you know, I’ve seen some of those amazing video footage, for example, the kids with these horrible epilepsy problems who go to Colorado, who get Charlotte’s Web. – Right, we’ve all heard it. – That looks very compelling, and I think the fact that it’s so compelling and there’s so many really moving testimonials by parents is why there are now clinical trials being done with CBD by major university medical center neurology, epilepsy specialists. – So we’re moving in the right direction? – [Dr. Strouse] We are, we are. – Okay, so it’s 6:30 on a Friday night, and while everyone else is going out and doing shit, I can barely function as a human. The only thing that I can equate it to is like red hot fire ants just biting your face and no matter what you do, you can’t stop it. So, I’m going to try Black Medicated Rub. One CBD to THC, it doesn’t really say how much to take, so I just took that. Oh my god, it smells so good. Let this settle in. It kind of looks like I just have a really poppin’ gloss on. – It’s a process. Start very small the first night, see how that affected you. Take note. Moving forward, you adjust. – So it’s been about 30 minutes and I don’t feel anything, so we’re gonna take it up a notch. Gonna use this pen. What do you find to be the most popular? – The vape cartridge, which is really quick. This is like almost instant relief. You vape it, and within a minute, you’re probably gonna feel the effects. – Delicious. Yo, I still cannot get over the fact that I am a vape bro. It’s also considered to be one of the healthiest ways to ingest cannabis, ’cause you’re not smoking any chemicals or papers. It was fast, it was easy, it was by far the most convenient way to ingest the cannabis, but its effects didn’t last very long. So if you’re gonna try this method, I would suggest bringing it with you wherever you go, or getting a higher concentrate in the pen. I’d read online that people had a lot of success with tinctures, so I bought a variety of kinds with various amounts of CBD and THC. Was pricey at $60, but hey, willing to try anything. They were the most expensive method that I tried, and none of them really worked for me. I don’t feel shit. About halfway through, I think after repeatedly failing with the tinctures, I really started to get depressed. (slow music) I just got done with one of my doctor’s appointments. The appointment is $195 for a 20 minute appoinemtnt for someone to tell you it’s trial and error and shit may or may not work. These specialist kinds of doctors aren’t covered by insurance and they have to get paid because the work that they’re doing is so underfunded. Of course they have to charge a bunch ’cause all of this shit is so experimental. The idea that medical marijuana is something that you can keep in your home, it’s at my disposal whenever I want it, I can take it whenever I want it. That would be like a fucking miracle, ’cause I am so sick of these fucking doctor’s appointments. But then I think medical marijuana maybe that is the best option to even try first. I don’t know, it’s starting to really fuckin’ fuck with me. Is the legalization of marijuana kind of undermining the use of it as medicine, too? Like, are people afraid that if medical marijuana becomes kind of the norm, will people stop going to see doctors, will people stop writing prescriptions, will the pharmaceutical world collapse? Is that a concern? – Though yes, my hunches may be there are people concerned about that, at another level people, many people are worried about how responsible is big marijuana gonna be, right? Big marijuana, like big tobacco, which until whatever year it was, 1982, was telling us that cigarettes didn’t cause lung cancer. So it’s a huge business opportunity here and they’re going for it and so, in whose interest will that business development be? Marijuana’s still illegal according to the Controlled Substances Act of the federal government. But not in CANADA!!! HAAAA..It’s simply to work with the organizations that the federal government sustains, is really complicated and bureaucratic and that’s one of the reasons why there’s so much anger. – Right, around it. – Around it. – ‘Cause then it becomes like a government thing. We’re letting the government control whether or not people can get better. While there is research being done, the US is so far behind compared to other countries. There are still so many states where this is illegal, and there is a stigma of that hippy stoner, vibe attached to this medicine. I could not imagine living in a state where I needed this to function and then potentially having to go to a job where they drug test and not being able to take my medicine. I want people to watch this video and rethink their relationship and their opinions on marijuana. To cheer myself up, I decided to take an edible which I have heard so many horror stories where people have eaten it, don’t feel anything, they eat more, and then like two hours later, they’re melting into the wall. So I made my roommate try it with me, and guys, this was the one time that I got super high. And we also made some brownies and just laughed and I got nothing done, I couldn’t even blog about it. I just realized that that method is not practical for my lifestyle. Last minute I decided to add one more thing to the test. This was a medication that I had talked to Dr. Strouse about, it’s called Charlotte’s Web. So they can actually sell it to any state in America because it’s considered hemp, and not cannabis. This one I’m really excited to try because this is the kind of strain that we see in those Facebook videos. They recommend that you use this and kind of integrate it into part of your diet so they’re saying it might not work the first time, maybe it does for some people, but it’s something that you should do daily. Mmm, it tastes like mint chocolate chip. Charlotte’s Web. Oh my god, Charlotte’s Web. I promise, despite the look of my hair, I’m doing much better today. I actually slept, like, some of the best sleep I’ve slept in a long time, which, to have a pain free sleep night is pretty rare. So I’m gonna start using this a lot more. It took a couple days of tinkering with the amounts to figure out what was most effective, but I highly recommend any chronic pain patients to try this first. Even though it’s $150 a bottle, which lasted me about a month, it was worth every penny. When I started this journey, I think the thing I was most afraid of was, would ingesting the cannabis affect my energy or my ability to function or my personality? When in reality, I was able to sleep better, and my headaches were less frequent, which gave me more energy. I just so badly want others to be able to have the chance to experience what I did. What’s it gonna take for that to happen? Is it like a big company backing medicinal marijuana? What is it gonna take? Is it money? Is it more signatures? I don’t know, what? – Well I think for us to do, for example, this kind of research in the VA, a federal entity, would probably require a repeal of the Federal Controlled Substances Act. – If you get anything from this video, know that it’s, chronic pain sufferers don’t just want your sympathy. They want your support and your action. I put some links below to organizations that are working all across the country to reform medical marijuana laws as well as some resources for chronic pain sufferers. I want to give a huge shout out and thanks to WHTC, UCLA, and the Facial Pain Research Foundation. And if you’re a sufferer, I just wanna say, don’t give up. Keep trying different methods. Talk to your doctor, make them listen to your concerns. Tell them about cannabis, talk to them about cannabis. I am happy to have found an alternative to prescription pills or opiates because a lot of times that’s the first option chronic pain sufferers are given. And for people like me, whose condition doesn’t even react to opiates, this has been an incredibly life changing experience. I’ve been so happy to be educated about this and learn more about how my body reacts to medical marijuana so that I’m not so nervous or afraid of it anymore. I’m gonna keep using the CBD roll-on stick and I use the Charlotte’s Web everyday, but I’m not gonna stop trying things. This is definitely not the solution. It’s not over. And just seeing the widespread acceptance of this plant as medicine, makes me feel incredibly excited and optimistic about chronic pain. For the first time ever.

Again, Bless and have a relaxing day !