#brb I'm going to k someone

[wedielikemen]

And at the end of the day the rawest line isJean's "They all knew" vs Jeremy's "we all knew" because the people who should've protected them knew. The people who could've saved Noah knew. The ravens KNEW. They knew and they just called them wh*res and let Jean and Jeremy take all the blame anyway.

[your-name-is-jim]

What a Kirk/Spock shipper sees in a Kirk/Female-Love-Interest story [PART 2/2]

Part 1 <- Please read Part 1 first. Part 2 won't make sense otherwise!

This panel is absolutely AMAZING and you all deserved to see it :D

So, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, Laura just proposed.

As you can see, Jim is panicking not sure what to answer, so the first thing he does is calling his two best friends. There are so many things going on here; I'll try to mention everything I care about!

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together."

This is an important part of this comic: apparently, in this story Starfleet isn't encouraging relationships between officers with a different rank. I know it's sort of implied in canon too, but it's not always clear if it's actually against regulations or if it's fine when the ranks are close.

As a K/S shipper, this detail just gives me an in-universe reason why Jim and Spock aren't considering dating each other in this story: a commander can't probably have a relationship with a captain. I mean, we already know from canon TOS that Jim avoids relationships with the members of his crew, so this just adds a layer to a potential forbidden love story between them. Yeah, I know this isn't what this comic is trying to do, but what can I say? Fans don't stop shipping something just because they learn it's not allowed in-universe… if anything, they can find it more exciting! :D

"We could teach at the Academy. Mind you, she laughed at that idea."

Oh, wait. Jim actually talked to Laura about their possible future together! It looks like he's thinking about them as teachers at Starfleet Academy. Hmm… this sounds familiar:

2277 — Accepts appointment to Academy faculty, moves into San Francisco apartment

This is from Kirk's biography in Star Trek official website. Between The Motion Picture and The Wrath of Khan, Jim accepts a job at the Academy. We see it at the start of the second movie, after Saavik takes the Kobayashi Maru test.

Wait, who's the other teacher here? :D

Okay, okay, in that era Jim is an admiral and Spock is a captain, so their ranks are still different, but except for that… They both teach at the Academy. And it's literally what Jim proposed to his love interest Laura in the comic! With my Kirk/Spock goggles on, what I read in that panel is "If Laura and I got married, we could both do this thing that I'm totally going to do with Spock in the future." LOL

Did the comic creators notice the parallel? Probably not. However, we K/S shippers have special skills for finding accidental implications about our ship everywhere, so here it is :)

"Your thoughts, please, Mr. Spock."

I said I had a lot to say about that single panel, so of course I can't skip the last line! A human woman has just proposed to Jim, and what does Jim do? He asks for Spock's opinion. This says a lot about Jim and Spock's friendship, and it's very sweet on Jim's part, but it also makes me think about Jim's love life. What about Jim and Laura's romantic feelings for each other? Does Jim want to spend the rest of his life with her? Perhaps the reason they don't talk about it (not even with Bones!) is that it's implied that Jim loves her and she loves him, even if they never say it. However, I still think it's interesting that Jim's discussion on the matter is mostly "logical".

Anyway, I swear I won't post every single panel of this comic, but Spock's reply is an absolute gem you all must see:

"I AM SOMETHING OF AN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT OF JAMES T. KIRK."

(dkjflsdjlkdjglk brb losing my mind again)

Ahem. Okay, Spock. Noted. Also, wow, nice make up. Did I say that the art in this comic is great? Good.

"I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness."

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I find interesting his use of "equal status" instead of the more specific "equal rank". Status makes me think less of their official position in Starfleet, and more of how two people actually see each other. It's not just about Laura and Jim being both captains; it's about them seeing each other as equals.

Anyway, Jim jokes about Bones and Spock finally agreeing about something, and the conversation continues.

Jim's best friends are both encouraging him to marry Laura. In this panel, I zoomed in on Bones because his words are especially interesting. Based on everything we've seen so far, it looks like having a romantic partner when you're in Starfleet is a pain in the ass in general in this comic; however, Bones is pointing out that for the first time, Jim has someone who really understands. Of course, that's because she's a Starfleet captain too.

About Spock, I won't share the entire conversation, but I just want to say that as a K/S shipper who likes to think Spock is secretly in love with Jim in this era, I find his dialogue where he's supporting Jim's relationship with Laura totally reasonable. It's important to remember that this comic takes place close to the end of the five-year mission. We know that Spock is going to run away after that, trying to erase all his emotions in Gol. So, in this specific part of his story, I find pretty in character that he'd tell Jim to find happiness with someone else. That's what he'd do, regardless of his own feelings.

So, Jim knows his two best friends think he should say "yes" to Laura. What happens next?

During a mission, Jim meets his ex Carol Marcus. She is surprised to find out that Jim is considering settling down. This is not completely related to this analysis, so I won't post it, but I found interesting that Carol knows about every single woman Jim dated before he became captain (the only one she doesn't name is Ruth), and she even says "And that woman in 1930, what was her name?" Just… how the hell does she know? LMAO

At least Jim hasn't told her about Miramanee and Rayna (well, technically he doesn't even remember the latter), but seriously, Carol does know a lot about Jim's private life, even if it's clear she doesn't want her or their son to be part of it. (Not really related to this plot, but in case you're confused about the timeline: David is a child in this era; however, he doesn't appear in this story.)

Anyway, this is what she eventually tells him:

So, I like to think that Carol is genuinely trying to help Jim here, because the spiteful ex girlfriend is another thing I don't really want to see in 2020. I want to think that the creators meant well; however, what happens in the story is that, despite Jim not seeing himself outside the captain's chair, and despite his best friends telling him to marry the captain that is just like him… Jim keeps thinking about Carol's words.

He knows from Starfleet that he's going to be promoted to admiral the moment he reaches Earth. What is interesting here is that Jim could refuse the promotion and be a captain with Laura. This is definitely a different situation from everything else I've seen before. It's obvious to anyone who has watched TOS movies that Jim is not happy as an admiral. He didn't really want to be one. He doesn't want to be one in this comic series either (you can see it explored in Star Trek: Year Five main story). However, thanks to The Motion Picture, we also know that he will accept promotion at the end of his five-year mission. This isn't a canon divergence story: the writers can't really change any major event, so they have to work with what canon offers.

What I find interesting is that in this 2020 comic, Jim finds himself in the opposite situation he is in Gene Roddenberry's The Motion Picture novelization from 1979. In Roddenberry's novel, it's mentioned briefly that Jim starts a relationship on Earth with a vice-admiral, a woman that was basically asked to use her charm to keep Jim grounded. Jim could refuse promotion, but he finds himself lost, without his ship, without Spock, and eventually without Bones. So he tries to convince himself that a life as an admiral with a perfect woman by his side will be good for him (it will not; Jim himself will realize a year later that his lover was an "Enterprise-surrogate").

Now, I understand trying to write something fresher and more modern in this Valentine's Day special, but I confess that I find a little hard to believe that Jim would accept a promotion as admiral if the alternative was keeping both a starship AND a wife. Also, let's not forget that Spock and Bones are both telling him to choose the married captain life. So, while I totally get from a writer's point of view that if you can't change canon, you have to work with what you have, I'm also not sure that Carol reminding Jim that he's always wanted to challenge himself is enough to make him doubt everything.

I guess I can sort of see that as part of a bigger problem: Jim knows he can't be a captain for life; during his first date with Laura, as we saw in Part 1 of my analysis, he talks about it.

"I've been thinking lately about whether I could ever stop being a Starfleet captain. Whether I could ever want to. A friend of mine talks about 'infinite diversity'. That applies to the Federation, too. But here I am, only built for one thing."

So, Jim knows he has probably avoided the subject for too long. Carol is forcing him to think about it. And, more implicitly, we could say Spock and his IDIC philosophy are also making him think, even if it's not what Spock would have expected. After all, Spock told Jim to marry Laura (in the comic), and he'll tell him that being a starship captain is his "first, best destiny" (in The Wrath of Khan).

Anyway, Jim eventually decides to meet Laura and talk to her about his personal concerns. First of all, we find out that the two of them haven't called each other for six weeks. Laura is still waiting for Jim's answer, and she didn't want to call him. If you ask me, their lack of communication is yet another a big clue that perhaps getting married is not a great idea.

Well, now Jim is at least trying to talk to her.

Aaand that's how she breaks up with him.

I'm not sure how to feel about this. I mean, in a sense, Jim doesn't say "I decided to be an admiral instead of marrying you", but Laura definitely sees it that way. I think he was genuinely looking for help, but that just proves that Laura isn't the right person for him. Why marrying someone you can't communicate with? They are such a great team as captains, but it looks like that doesn't apply to their relationship. I pointed out other clues in the previous parts, and now we got this. It's interesting to see that Jim in this comic can have a normal conversation about his future with Spock, Bones, and even Carol Marcus, but not with the person he's supposed to build a future with. Unless something changes between them, it can't work out.

Anyway, this isn't the end.

A year later, when Jim is an admiral on Earth, there's a sudden emergency. A miniature black hole appears out of the deep structure of the universe (don't blame me for the science, I'm literally quoting the comic LOL) and it's attracted to Earth gravity. Short story: they're all going to die, but fortunately the Drake (Laura's ship) can cause an anti-matter implosion that will shunt the black hole outside their reality. Unfortunately, that also means the Drake will have to go inside the black hole. Laura evacuates her crew and asks Admiral Kirk to give her the order to proceed. Reluctantly, Jim tells her that he knows she'll do it, and he gives the order.

Now, please appreciate The Motion Picture aesthetic:

Okay, I know I could have chosen a panel with Jim and Laura, since this is literally their love story, but I did say this analysis was going to be biased, so here is Laura with her two closest friends instead; they would never let her risk her life alone! <3 They are very obviously meant to be a parallel to what Spock and Bones are to Jim, which is very cute to see. Now, Laura, listen to me: I know the three of you have different ranks, but you may die in a few seconds… And I just think that the few times your friends appear in this comic, you have a lot of chemistry with them, sooo maybe you should forget about Jim and just smooch one of them, or both… just saying :)

Ahem. Anyway, after Laura and her girlfriends disappear into the void, there's another timeskip. This time it's 15 years.

Oh, damn.

I said in the premise of this analysis that one of the reasons I decided to read this comic despite shipping Kirk/Spock is that, in my headcanon, Kirk and Spock get together after The Motion Picture. Until this point, this comic hasn't really gone against my headcanon. I can genuinely believe that Jim had another girlfriend during his five-year mission; it's not a big deal. Unfortunately for me, this comic has its last part taking place around The Final Frontier era. Dammit.

Well, it's just one comic. I read until this point; it'd be illogical not to read until the end, right? Nah, it's not logic. It's human curiosity. I know I won't like it, but I still want to see it.

Also, if there's something that I really don't want to see in modern media anymore, is female characters dying just to make male characters suffer. I can accept that in TOS show because it was made in the 1960s, but even TOS movies got better about it! Characters like Saavik and Gillian can have their own lives without having to die for a man's pain. It's not a coincidence that the writers had to kill Spock to make Jim suffer. Without digressing too much, I just wanted to say that K/S bias aside, I went into this comic hoping to read something different from another dead woman for Jim. I'm very glad that, at least about this, the comic creators didn't disappoint me!

So, in this story, it's been 15 years since Laura's disappearance (actually, it should be more, but I'll try not to nitpick, despite being the trekkies' favorite hobby :D). Anyway, the one with the whales The Voyage Home happened, and Jim is not an admiral anymore. He's happy to have a starship again, but he hasn't stopped questioning his life decisions.

We can also see that, 15 years later, he's reading the book Laura liked.

HOLD IT! WAIT WAIT WAIT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? WHAT THE--

*inhales deeply*

(Friendly reminder to myself that what is obvious to me may not be obvious to everyone else, so I need to explain. Fine. I'll try.)

The screenshots I posted are from The Wrath of Khan, right after Spock's funeral. What Jim is doing there is reading the end of the book that Spock gave him for his birthday. He's mourning Spock.

In the comic panel, Jim has a new pair of glasses, because it takes place a little later in the timeline. But, except for that…

It's the same scene.

The same fucking scene.

I mean, come on! I can't even post the "they're the same picture" meme, because it's not funny if they're literally the same picture! Even the bookmark is the same!

The comic creators literally took a canon scene about Jim reading Spock's book after Spock is gone, and they redrew it with Jim reading Laura's book after Laura is gone. In a Valentine's Day special. Where Laura is Jim's love interest. They made a romantic scene with Jim and a woman that was originally about Jim and Spock.

(Brb, I'm going to chew a pillow until I calm down.)

So. Well. If you wondered why I thought there was something about Kirk/Spock in this comic… you have your answer. Perhaps the artist didn't think anything about it. I certainly do.

And I guess someone could say, "But Jim is still reading Laura's book 15 years later! That's true love!" Why yes, he's not reading Spock's book 15 years later, because he didn't stay without Spock for 15 years; he risked everything and lost all the most important things in his life to save Spock's soul.

Anyway, back to the comic. Starfleet receives a signal from the edge of Federation space. It's the Drake. Laura and her friends are alive.

Jim and Laura have a reunion after a long separation. Since they're both captains now, Jim thinks they are given a second chance.

Oh, whoops.

It's her turn now. It looks like being away for 15 years has changed her (as you can expect, honestly), and she's now glad to become an admiral. In this comic, that means Jim can't marry her. So, this is how the story ends:

So. Um.

This isn't a bad ending, but I also wouldn't exactly call it a happy ending. It's certainly not a happily ever after story. I'd call it open, maybe hopeful? Honestly, pretty much what I'd expect from a love story between an original character and Jim, so I can't say the writing is disappointing about that.

On the other hand, I can't personally imagine middle-aged Jim being so eager to start a romance again with someone he hasn't seen in 15 years who broke up with him 16 years ago. Perhaps he felt guilty about Laura's disappearance because if he had married her, they would have been part of a colonization fleet somewhere else and the incident wouldn't have happened the same way? Maybe. Personally, I would have found more believable an ending where Jim asks her to have dinner together or go for a walk, and then something romantic happening as they get to know each other again. But I can see why the creators wanted to bring up the marriage proposal again, just to close the circle. The comic is just 32 pages, so they did what they could.

"Unless there's someone else." "Not so much. I've been really busy."

Busy with what? Oh, right: Spock's death, Spock's body on Genesis, Spock's rebirth on Vulcan, the time travel (okay, that one wasn't 100% Spock-related), Spock's brother… Honestly, just say there's been a lot of Spock in your life, Jim, because that's the truth :)

On a more serious note, I guess that dialogue could mean that Jim has someone, but "he's been too busy" to do anything serious with them. However, as a K/S monoshipper I don't really like the idea of Jim being in an open relationship with Spock, so Jim's character in the entire scene in the end is just a big NOPE for me. Sorry.

That said, I found very interesting that in a few panels they show very clearly the "captain" rank on Jim and Laura's shoulders, to point out that it's the same. They can't be together forever, but they can have fun for a few days as captains. Because of that, I went back to the start of the last timeskip, just to check out something:

Fascinating.

This is a pretty detailed panel, where you can see the ranks on the shoulders of Jim's friends; the colors of their pins are also pretty good, close to the ones in the movies… except for Spock's.

Oh, please. Did you really expect me not to pay attention to this? :)

Captain Kirk and Captain Spock.

And unlike Laura, this is what they are until the end! The end of a very long life! Generations? What's Generations? Spock will eventually become an ambassador, but that's just a different job. How did Spock himself put it earlier in this comic?

"I am something of an expert on the subject of James T. Kirk. And I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness."

Did the comic creators just play themselves? I don't know, I'm quoting their own story here! LOL

And what about Jim's words from the same scene? :D

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together."

Partners. Of equal rank. Working together.

That's literally what Kirk and Spock are since the end of The Voyage Home! Without an expiration date!

The comic creators made a big deal in their universe about relationships being better between two captains, and how good Jim and Laura may have been for each other if they had married as captains; and now they can't have their happily ever after because Laura is going to be an admiral… But even if the comic tries to hide it, we know there is a captain in Jim's life. And to make things better, Jim lost his admiral rank to bring him back. Listen, I'm a huge Old Married Kirk/Spock fan, so there's no way anything can make me forget that in the last TOS movies they're both captains. And there's no way I can forget that Jim risked his entire career (and everything else!) for Spock, and that's literally why he's not an admiral anymore.

This is almost ironic in this Valentine's Day comic. If it hadn't been for Spock, Jim would have still been an admiral, and he could have married Laura. Whoops. Too bad.

Speaking of admirals, I didn't notice it at first, but there's also something about this line Laura says in the last panel I posted…

"And don't you dare 'Admiral' me."

Ah, yes, a typical thing you tell someone you're planning to have sex with. Right, Laura? Agreed :)

Honestly, at this point I should just stop checking this comic, because I wonder if I'd just end up finding a Kirk/Spock version of every Kirk/Laura Rhone line LOL

By the way, I have other thoughts to share now that the story is over, but there's one more thing first. Do you remember the last panels of the comic? Middle-aged Jim and Laura kiss; END.

Okay. After that, the comic has a picture of the cover, with Jim and Laura kissing when they're younger.

And then it has this:

dklsfjlskjflskjlksjlkdlkgjdlfgsnfjekniuwanf LISTEN, HOW--

Just how am I even supposed to say anything that makes sense about this…??? I'm just… I can't…

Okay. So. We're talking about a Valentine's Day comic. It makes sense for it to include a cute Valentine card. I also get that Spock's iconic line has become so mainstream that it can be quoted out of context. And you can make parodies.

But… But… A Star Trek TOS fan can't really forget the original context of "I have been and always shall be your friend"? Someone could just not think about it, I guess… But, well, I know that at least I can't forget that this is literally Spock's line to Jim rewritten in a romantic Valentine's Day version. I can't possibly NOT think about it!

And I know it's very possible that the people who worked on the comic story weren't even aware of this extra, but the fact that I'm seeing this after reading about Jim Kirk's romance without happily ever after… Jim kisses a woman he can't stay with forever, and then there's Spock's "I have been and always shall be your Valentine". It's just so fucking funny. I can't. If I was feeling a little down after seeing middle-aged Jim wanting to marry Laura, now I'm laughing again. Thanks, Spock's silly Valentine card. I needed it! :D

Anyway, what did I say about this comic taking things originally created for Kirk and Spock's relationship and making them romantic when they're not about them? I can believe that sometimes it's a coincidence, but this card? Please… In a sense, this is the perfect ending.

---

Conclusions.

I started this comic with a question: in 2020, how do you write a story about TOS Kirk falling in love? I wanted to see this attempt. Overall, I think the creators did what they could. Laura is different from every other woman in Jim's life; they didn't kill her off, and they also didn't force a happy ending. I think they did a good job with the canon limitations they had, especially in 32 pages.

Do I believe that Laura could have been a good match for Jim in different circumstances?

As a temporary girlfriend? Yes.

As a lifelong partner? No.

Of course, I'm aware my answer is biased, but I can try to be a little more "logical" about it.

First of all, I think that the comic itself supports my interpretation: of course, like in every story, different people are going to see different things; however, as I already pointed out, Jim and Laura never say that they love each other, and before the marriage proposal their relationship is pretty casual.

In The Original Series, Jim isn't lucky when it comes to romance because the women he falls in love with can't really understand his nature as a space explorer. Sometimes they can, like in Carol's case, and that's why they break up with him. Laura is the opposite, because she's just like Jim. But here is the thing: I think Laura is too much like him.

What would have happened if Jim had accepted to marry her at the end of the five-year mission? They would have been both captains. On different ships, though. Sure, they could have been part of the same colonization fleet, as Jim says in the comic, and maybe it would have worked for a while. However, would they really have seen each other as much as Jim needs?

I don't know about Laura, but we see multiple times in canon that behind his mask as a starship captain, Jim is definitely more lonely than what someone may think.

First of all, don't get me wrong: in these screenshots from The Naked Time, Jim is single, so of course his attraction to Janice Rand is related to that. It's not the same situation he'd be in if he were married to Laura. Early in the series, he has thoughts about his yeoman exactly because he doesn't have anyone else. Contrary to his fame as a womanizer, TOS Jim in canon always has one woman at a time in his mind, never more.

So, why am I sharing those lines? To show that when Jim is always inside the Enterprise, he does feel lonely. He needs a romantic partner's physical touch. However, we also know that Jim does not want a relationship with one of his subordinates, so Janice Rand and the rest of his crew are off limits.

Laura is good for him because she's part of Starfleet, and not a subordinate. But is that really enough? From what I've seen in the comic, no. At the end of the day, it looks to me that Jim and Laura don't really know how to plan a future together. Perhaps it's because they're so similar, but they don't really think of themselves as a couple, especially Laura. There's Captain James T. Kirk and Captain Laura Rhone; they both love their ships, so they should get married? That's not how it works.

Their relationship is casual. Jim doesn't want to define it. Are they friends with benefits? Are they in an open relationship? Either way, when Laura decides to marry him, she asks around if Jim has someone else, and only after that she asks him. Jim, on the other hand, doesn't talk to her for six weeks after her proposal. He talks to Spock and Bones immediately, but not to her. He even talks to Carol first.

Then, when Jim finally tries to talk to her about his problems, she doesn't listen. Their lack of communication is the cause of their break up.

16 years later, what we see is even worse. It's obvious that Laura has just different priorities. Maybe it's because of what happened to her lost in space, but I'm not sure. If they had married at the end of the five-year mission, would have Laura always refused a promotion to admiral? Would she have tried to get a promotion with Jim? Based on what we see in this comic, it doesn't look likely to me.

Now, as I said, different people are going to see different things, so I'm sure that someone really invested in this romance can imagine that Jim and Laura are really meant to be, and they can get their happy ending after their retirement, or in other ways. However, I admit that Jim and Laura's huge communication issues make hard to me to picture a long happy relationship between them. They should both try to get better, but in those 32 pages there was no hint towards that direction.

There's another thing that makes really hard to find any love interest for Jim as a plausible "happily ever after" option: the stakes. I know that it's just a single comic, so the creators had to focus on a few things; however, I couldn't help but notice that Jim and Laura never really save each other from dangerous situations. They work together as a team, and Jim watches Laura disappearing into the void, but does he do anything about it? Does he try to reach her inside her ship before she disappears into the black hole? Does he try to bring her back from the void? No, he doesn't.

In TOS show and movies, Jim Kirk risks so much for his crew and his ship that a Star Trek fan can't believe that a new woman is the love of his life, unless Jim is willing to do for her everything he does for his friends. And honestly, after The Search for Spock… how can he even come close to do that?

And it's not just about Jim's actions. There's his language too. At the start of the third movie, Jim refers to Spock as "the noblest part of myself". What could he say about a love interest that is as deep as this?

Let's be honest here: the reason it's so hard to write a story about Jim Kirk's true love is that the real love story for him has already been written. You may not see it romantically, but Kirk and Spock's story is absolutely a love story. And when a character has someone he loves so deeply, it's not easy to convince the audience that he could have someone new to love as deeply. In Jim's case, the combination of his personality and his canon life makes it almost impossible.

Anyway, before I end up not so accidentally turning this analysis into a complete Kirk/Spock ship manifesto, I'm just going to mention one silly thing about the Valentine's Day comic. Please, don't take it too seriously, I'm half-joking :)

So, there are two kiss scenes in the story: one when Jim and Laura start to spend a lot of free time together, and one in the last panel. Well, I can't believe Jim isn't holding Laura's shoulders when he kisses her! That's just the basis of the way Jim kisses women! D:

Different Star Trek characters kiss in different ways; it fits their personalities. And because the rest of my TOS posts are probably too gay for these gifs, I'm dropping them as references here:

Sorry, but if Jim Kirk doesn't grab someone's shoulders before a kiss, it just kills my immersion! :P

Okay, a little more seriously: Jim doesn't always kiss women the same way; however, his "shoulder grab" is common enough that you definitely notice it if you pay attention. Because of that, I think it would have been nice to include it in the Valentine's Day comic.

After reading this comic, what kind of person would I consider perfect for Jim?

Well, my answer is obvious. However, I'll try to elaborate.

First of all, this story definitely convinced me even more that Jim can only be really happy with another Starfleet officer (or at least someone who's been deeply involved with Starfleet). He also needs someone who understands him as a space explorer, without trying to keep him grounded. And someone very smart, of course. These are all traits Laura has. But they're just the basis.

I don't think Jim needs someone in command of their own ship as a lifelong partner. As I said before, I can't really imagine it working out. Another starship captain would have their own goals and their own ambitions; that doesn't mean Jim shouldn't marry someone with specific plans for their own career, but I think these plans should keep the two of them close, not on different ships. Jim needs his partner physically at his side; if he could be happy in a long-distance relationship, I believe we would have seen at least one working out in canon. But it's never the case. Working on different starships from the same fleet would be a little better, but in my opinion not enough, unless it's for a short period of time.

And there's also the matter of his partner's personality. Jim is a natural leader; that's why he's so good at his job. I don't think he needs a similar kind of leader as romantic partner. This is just my personal opinion, but I believe they would just fight about everything they disagree about. I think he needs someone calmer in his life, not someone who'd encourage emotional outbursts.

More importantly, he absolutely needs someone he can communicate with. If he can't talk to his partner about everything important, they're not the right person for him. That doesn't mean they can't have disagreements or miscommunication issues, of course, but they shouldn't happen all the time, and Jim and his partner should be able to talk about them and make up.

In conclusion: someone at his side on his ship, smart, calm, trustworthy :)

Now, I know what some of you are thinking about: what about the "no relationships with subordinates" personal rule Jim has? How can Jim be in a relationship with Spock (or anyone else on the Enterprise) if he's everyone's superior officer? Well, first of all, I already said that after The Voyage Home, Jim and Spock are both captains. And before that… I think that Spock in the comic phrased it the right way. Jim can find his happiness with someone of "equal status". I think it's pretty clear, in my opinion, that Janice Rand and Spock aren't the same kind of subordinates to Jim. Just think about it: which members of the Enterprise call their captain "Jim"? Bones, Spock and (occasionally) Scotty. These are the three people I believe are "equals" in private to Jim, no matter their ranks when they're on duty. Because of that, a relationship between Jim and Spock could work pretty well.

By the way, another thing the Valentine's Day comic made me think about is that in TOS movies, Jim sort of does with Spock pretty much everything he does with Laura in this story. Not the same way, of course, but does it matter? Spock is his own person, he's not Jim's copy. That doesn't mean he can't indulge Jim, have fun himself… and try to stop Jim from doing dangerous things "for fun", as an old spouse would :)

Okay, perhaps throwing each other into the water doesn't count as dancing, but it's so much better :D

In conclusion, this is the way I can read the Valentine's Day comic as a Kirk/Spock shipper:

Jim mentions Spock on his first date with a woman.

Jim questions his life choices as he thinks about Spock and IDIC philosophy.

Jim does with Laura everything we see him doing in TOS show, except for playing chess (just the thing he does with Spock).

Jim says Laura and him are a good team in Starfleet because they had a lot of sex (is that true about other people he works well with??)

There haven't been many ladies or gentlemen in Jim's life because he's busy (not because he's not into men, apparently).

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together." Good for your future with Spock, Jim!

If Jim and Laura got married, they could both teach at Starfleet Academy, something Jim is totally going to do with Spock someday.

Mister "I am something of an expert on the subject of James T. Kirk" Spock.

Also, Mister "I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness" Spock, which is actual foreshadowing of his own future status with Jim.

Hey, look at Jim reading a book that reminds him of his lost love! I wonder where I've seen LITERALLY THE SAME PICTURE???

"Don't 'Admiral' me". This is totally not similar to what Jim tells Spock in The Voyage Home, of course.

Hey, we're both captains now! Just for a few days, but isn't that great? I wonder if anyone else is a captain now, and forever? :D

"I have been and always shall be your Valentine". Totally not a Kirk/Spock line, I don't know what you're talking about! :)

Okay, okay, that's all.

As a Kirk/Spock shipper, I won't deny that I'm a little jealous of this Valentine's Day special comic, because I wish we could get something with amazing art like this where Jim is in love with Spock. On the other hand, Star Trek: Year Five comic series has a few scenes about Jim & Spock's friendship that I really liked. Platonic, sure, but good enough for my K/S goggles!

Thank you so much for reading this post until the end! I hope you enjoyed my analysis! Live long and prosper!

[101emo]

Shorthand: 101 What does that mean? Are they just letters?

Once again, emo culture being born into the early 2000s, shorthand texting was popular- who has time to click on the keypad for each letter when you could do about three instead?

You defiantly know the classic 'OMG' and 'LOL', but do you know them all and what they mean?

Below is an in depth chart showing what shorthand letters mean what phrase, modern or not; (This entry does contain swearing.)

───────────────────────

AFAIK: As far as I know. "AFAIK? He's right."

AF: As fuck. "That show was good AF."

AFK: Away from keyboard. "Going AFK for a while."

AKA: Also known as. "AKA an ass."

ATM: At the moment. "Nothing going on ATM."

BB/BBG/BBB: Baby, baby girl, baby boy. "Love you BBG x."

BRB: Be right back. "BRB, dinner."

BTW: By the way. "I know the answers, BTW."

CD9/9: Code 9. "CD9 (When someones at the computer or watching)."

CM/CMP/PCM/CMB: Call me, call me please, please call me, call me back. "CMB later."

DM/DMs/PM: Direct message, direct messages, private messages. "She wanted to PM me."

DW: Dont worry. "DW about it."

ED: Eating Disorder. Please contact the Butterfly Foundation if you're struggling x

FML: Fuck my life. "I failed that test, FML."

FR: For real. "She's cute FR."

FW: Fuck with. "I FW that idea."

FOMO: Fear of missing out. "She's got mad FOMO."

FWB: Friends with benefits. "Nah, we're just FWB right now."

FWIW: For what it's worth. "FWIW, I don't think he's good for you."

GB: Goodbye. "Goodnight, GB!"

GN: Goodnight. "Bye, GN!"

GG: Good game. "GG dude!"

GL/GLHF: Good luck, good luck have fun. "Your game is on? GLHF!"

GOAT: Greatest of all time. "MCR is the GOAT."

GTG: Got to go. "GTG, I'll see you tomorrow!"

GTFO/GTFOOH: Get the fuck out, get the fuck out of here. "GTFO with that normie stuff."

HTH: Hope this helps. "HTH with the homework."

HW: Homework. "Have you got the HW notes?"

ICYMI/ICUMI: In case you missed it. "ICYMI, here are the notes."

HTH: Hope this helps. "HTH with the homework."

IDGAF: I don't give a fuck. "IDGAF if she said that."

IK: I know. "Yeah, IK about last week."

IDK/IDRK: I don't know, I don't really know. "IDRK about history."

IIRC: If I recall/remember correctly. "IIRC, he walks home."

IDC/IDRC: I don't care, I don't really care. "IDC about that."

IMO/IMHO: In my opinion, in my honest opinion. "IMO, she's trashy."

LY/ILY/ILU: Love you, I love you. "ILY baby!"

ILYSM/ILUSM: I love you so much. "ILYSM AAAA!"

IRL: In real life. "IRL he's not that cute."

ISTG: I swear to god, I swear to gosh. "ISTG if she's in my class."

JK,JJ: Just kidding, just joking. "JK! That skirt is a cute blue."

K/KK: Okay. "Meet you there, k?"

KIL/KILK: Keep it low, keep it lowkey. "KILK, he doesn't know about the party."

KMS: Killing myself, kill myself. "If I fail, gonna KMS."

KMST: Killing myself tonight. Please call a helpline number x

KYS: Kill yourself Don't bully people please.. Only friends xD

LTR/L8R: Later. "Call LTR?"

LM/LMU: Lets meet, lets meet up. "LMU at the mall later?"

LMK: Let me know. "LMK what happens on Friday."

LOL: Laugh out loud, laughing out loud. "That post? LOL!"

LMAO: Laughing my ass off. "Stop. LMAO!"

NM/NDM: Not much, not doing much. "NDM tonight."

NP: No problem. "NP for the notes!"

NW: No way, no worries. (depends on context for this one). "NW that actually happened."

OC: Of course. "OC I heard it."

OG: Original, on god. (depends on context for this one). "That copy was OG."

OIS/OIC: Oh I see. "OIS, you like her now?"

OMG: Oh my god, oh my gosh. "OMG! I'm dying!"

ORLY/OR: Oh really? "ORLY? He said that?"

OTP/OTP: On the phone, one true pair. (depends on context for this one). "Him and her? OTP for sure."

POS: Piece of shit. "He's a POS for that."

PPL: People. "Yeah, PPL heard that."

QT: Cute, cutie. "He's such a QT."

RN: Right now. "Wanna play RN?"

RLLY: Really. "You RLLY gonna believe that?"

R: Are. "R you gonna be there?"

RU: Are you. "RU coming to school tomorrow?"

RUS: Are you serious. "RUS? She said that?"

ROTF/ROTFL: Rolling on the floor, rolling on the floor laughing. "ROTFL! That face!"

SMH: Shaking my head. "SMH, she can't do that."

SRSLY/SRS: Seriously, serious. "Are you SRS?"

SSDD/SSDS: Same story- different day, same story- different shit. "You know school. SSDS."

SH: Self harm. Please call a helpline number x

STFU: Shut the fuck up. "STFU, no one likes that."

SYS/SYT: See you soon, see you shortly, see you tomorrow. "Okay! SYS!"

TBC/TBH: To be clear, to be honest. "TBH, she sucks."

THX: Thanks. "THX for today!"

TMI: Too much information. "Woah, TMI."

TN: Tonight. "What you doing TN?"

TFW/MFW: That face when, that feeling when, my face when, my feeling when. "MFW he wears sweatpants."

TTYL: Talk to you layer. "I have to go to sleep, TTYL!"

U: You. "U can't be serious."

UR: You're, your. "You left UR sweater here."

WB: Welcome back. "WB! How was dinner?"

WBY/WBU: What about you. "WBU? I like red."

WTF/WTH: What the fuck, what the hell. "WTF was that about?"

YOLO: You only live once. "I'm going out, YOLO!"

YW: You're welcome. "YW for the advice!"

───────────────────────

Follow for more x Updates every week, Tuesday and Thursday. 6:30pm GMT +11.

[jaehyunsprincesspeach]

Just You and Me

Brb, crying, screaming, sliding down the wall...... i really let my delusions write this one for me omggg

Hope y'all enjoy!!

All the love ~ lunar

Pairing: Yuta x fem!reader

Wc: 2.57k

Warnings: Mentions of stress, anxious feelings, overwhelmed feelings, potentially the fluffiest fluff i've ever written

You're new to the world of fame. As exciting as it all is, you have also found it to be very overwhelming. People have been telling you your whole life that you should be a model, and one day you decided to just go for it. What did you have to lose right? When you were accepted by the top modeling agency of Seoul, you felt so many different emotions. Excitement, nerves, even fear, yet you went with it, wanting to see where this life would lead you. 

It's been a month since you have moved to Seoul, and things have been chaotic, to say the least. You have made many friends from all over the world, and that has helped you with the transition, but you often felt that you have no time for yourself. Everyday you wake up, go to the photo shoot that is scheduled for the day, stand in front of cameras, sit in the dressing room changing looks, and when you are up for it, you get dinner with some of the other models. Everyday, the same routine, though you still feel the excitement with the variety of shoots you have been scheduled for. Still, you can't help but feel overwhelmed. Today is the first day you have not had a schedule in a month. What better way to relax than reading in a coffee shop? Lucky for you, you have found one in a rather quiet area, and have made friends with the staff. Walking in, they greet you with a smile, and prepare your coffee for you.

“No schedules today?”

“Nope, not today.” “Good, you deserve some time to relax too. Stay as long as you would like, let us know if you need anything.”

“Thank you so much!”

Walking to a quiet corner of the coffee shop, you settle in and begin reading your book. A psychological thriller. Becoming beyond invested in your book, you fail to hear the group of boys walking, talking and laughing rather loudly. Other customers who are enjoying the peace give them sideways looks, while you keep your nose in your book. With the intensity of your reading, you also fail to notice that you have caught their attention. It’s no secret that you have become well known, and you stick out like a sore thumb as is, being a foreigner. It’s a wonder that the group didn’t notice you sooner. 

Sitting in a different corner of the coffee shop, one of the boys in particular cannot take his eyes off of you. As the rest of the group continues talking and laughing with each other, there he sits, quietly observing you. He knows exactly who you are, yet to the world, the real you is still a mystery. One that he intends to uncover. In fear that he will lose his opportunity, he gets up, leaving the group of boys confused as he walks to you. Eyes wide open, and jaws on the floor, the group watches intently as the man approaches you. 

“Hello, is this seat taken?” He says upon arriving at the table you are seated at, drawing your attention away from the book you are completely engrossed in. 

“It's all yours.” You reply with a gentle smile, hoping your excitement is contained enough not to make the man uncomfortable.

If there is one thing that the world knows about you, it's that you have an immense sense of confidence. Not that you think you are better than anyone else, more so that you know your worth, and know that you work hard for the accomplishments you have received thus far. However, being caught off guard by someone you have admired for years, has your confidence slipping a little bit. 

“You're y/n right? The recent model sensation?”

“And you're Yuta, K-Pop sensation?” You reply with your own question that you clearly know the answer to.

“So you do know me?”

“Yeah, big fan actually.”

“I'm honored that someone as beautiful as you is a fan of mine.”

“I could say the same about you.”

It's beginning to become a battle of confidence between the two of you, trying to see who will crack first. Everyone knows of Yuta’s confidence in himself. He knows he's attractive, and now, as much confidence you show to the world, Yuta himself is finding out just how unintimidated you are. Little does he know, you are actually screaming on the inside, though that is something that you refuse to show him. 

After some time conversing with him, he must return to his schedules. Leaving you with a smirk, and his phone number, you feel like you are finally able to breathe. Adrenaline still coursing through your veins, you decide to head home for the evening, hoping that your flustered state will stay at bay until you are in the comfort of your apartment. 

Immediately after closing the door, you happily dance all of the nerves out of your body. Still in shock from talking to THE Yuta Nakamoto, you sit on your couch and attempt to process what happened. Looking at the phone number, you debate on messaging him, thinking it could be too soon, but also thinking, what do you have to lose?

“Is this THE Yuta Nakamoto?” you message, making your joking sarcasm evident enough.

“No way, is this the y/n?” He replies, making you smile as he returns your energy.

The rest of the night is spent on and off messaging him, as he can only text when he has a break with his schedule. Giggles fill your apartment, and the feeling of butterflies is something that you can't contain. Little did you know, Yuta has the same feelings as you. Constantly smiling at his phone, and an immense feeling of butterflies in his stomach. This feeling for him is new. It's rare when he finds someone that he wants to constantly talk to, but he knows that this is the case when he feels the frustration of having to leave the conversation for his schedule. All he wants to do is talk to you. He likes your confidence, and witty comments. He finds it refreshing that someone can match his humor and return it just as well as he can. Both of you can already tell, this is the start of an amazing friendship, maybe even something more. 

3 months later

It's now been four months of living in Seoul, and things are just as chaotic as ever. Though you have gotten used to the schedules and constant cameras, you find the most peace when you are with Yuta. Being that you have met all of NCT at this point, most, if not all, of your free time is spent with them. They have become your family, and slowly but surely, Yuta has become your home away from home. Many nights are spent in comfortable silence with him, the two of you doing your own things, simply enjoying each other's presence.

Upcoming events include more photo shoots, as well as your first invite to an award show. The show itself is for K-Pop, though you have been invited as well, being that you are one of the most well known individuals in all of South Korea at this point. Having you there is huge for publicity, being that you have been able to make friendships with many K-Pop idols. Plus, you want to go to show your support for your friends. 

With only a few days till the award show, on the outside you are as confident as ever. But internally, you are completely overwhelmed, which is something that Yuta is not blind to. He knows you better than anyone else. He knows that you struggle in large crowds, but you refuse to show it. He knows that this will be the first large event you have ever attended, and your stubbornness refuses to let you show your nerves. What makes you the most nervous, is that you and Yuta are already being swarmed with dating rumors. You know how deeply that can affect not only your career, but his moreso. The rumors flying around have had you on edge for weeks, and though Yuta does a great job of calming you down when he is with you, all of those same anxious feelings are persistent. 

You have hid the fact that you want to be with Yuta well, at least you thought you have. Even the photographs that have been taken of the two of you have shown nothing but a platonic relationship, refusing to so much as brush hands with him in public. Even in the privacy of your apartment, or his dorm, the only physical contact is a hug when he knows that you are not okay. Nothing more, nothing less. You have it set in your mind that he wants nothing more than a friendship with you, because as good as you are at hiding your feelings, he's just slightly better at it. 

The day of the award show arrives, and you wake up nauseous, unable to keep any food down from the anxious feeling you have. You are put in the most beautiful black dress you have ever seen. Long, and form fitting, with a hint of sparkle. Diamonds drape across your neck, and hang from your ears, with a stunning makeup look done by your artists. It is easily the most elegant you have ever looked, and you are hoping that you will be able to make it through the award show without ruining the look. 

Getting into the car, you take as many deep breaths as you can before arriving at the venue. Your style team is riding with you, doing their best to calm you down, yet the only person who you want to be with is him. Doing your best to control your anxiety, you are taken back by the sight you are greeted with when you arrive. 

All of NCT has cleared a path, waiting patiently for you to arrive, with none other than Yuta standing at the end, waiting to escort you to your seat, which he has also made sure is right next to him. Getting out of the car, all of the guys begin to whistle at the sight of you looking like true royalty, while Yuta looks at you as if you yourself hung the stars in the sky. He is left speechless, as he extends his hand to you. Reaching for him, he can feel you shaking, yet your eyes never leave his. 

“You look stunning, y/n.” He says with a starstruck expression.

“Thank you, you don't look too bad yourself.” You say, returning the compliment with a gentle smile. 

“You know, these dating rumors are only going to get worse with all of this right?” You say with an uneasy tone, trying to avoid eye contact with the swarm of paparazzi around you.

“Let them. I want the world to know that the most beautiful woman in the world is mine.”

Finally, after months, you are left speechless. His words take your typical confidence, and leave you at a loss for words. Of course, he notices, and flashes you that smirk that makes your knees weak. After months of a battle of confidence, you are the one who breaks. You are the one left flustered, and he is enjoying not only your dress now, but your speechless state. As if that would be the end of it, you are led to an extremely crowded room. Pausing at the door, you feel a hand on the small of your back, with Yuta in your ear.

“Don't worry pretty girl, I'm not letting go.”

With that you take a deep breath, and start walking again. Your confidence is something Yuta has always admired, but your brave heart is what captured his. No matter how nervous you are, you always continue forward. He's mesmerized by you in every way possible, and he is making it known to the world. Finally reaching your seats, people are looking at the two of you with curious eyes. Yuta, taking notice of you looking around the room, places his hand on your leg, capturing your attention.

“Don't look at them, look at me. It's just you and me.” His words calm your wandering mind, and he sees you relax slightly, which brings a smile to his lips. Throughout the night, Yuta would say things like this when he notices you tense up. “You're doing good, pretty girl, confident as ever.” Though he knows your confidence is faltering. He keeps a hand on you at all times, knowing that you find solace in him being around. For the first time in your life, you find yourself enjoying the chaps of a crowded room, filled with wandering eyes, and cheers, and slowly, you begin to release the tension that you are feeling, which puts Yuta at ease as well. The night is filled with laughter, cheers and applause, and light hearted jokes, and you wouldn't want to spend it with anyone else by your side. 

As things wind to an end, you are escorted back to your car by Yuta, who leaves you with a kiss on your knuckles. A bashful smile plastered on your lips, you look at him as if he is the only one in the world, and in that moment, he is. Getting into the car, he closes the door, and rushes to the driver, whispering something in their ear. Curiosity sparks in your mind, as he looks back at you and sends you a wink. Driving home, you can't help but wonder what he said, until you finally realize that the driver has taken the route to Yuta’s dorm, where he is waiting for you. 

Walking up to him yet again, he takes you inside, and gives you some more comfortable clothes to change into. After throwing on his tee shirt and sweats that he handed you, you meet him in the living room, where he takes you by the hand, and swoops you off your feet, literally. 

“The night’s not over, pretty girl.” Carrying you outside, to see a tarp hung in the trees, a bluetooth projector, fairy lights, and candles, he somehow managed to have your own private after party set up before you got there, rendering you speechless, yet again. Setting you back down on your feet, you look at the sight in front of you in awe, but Yuta is only looking at you. He takes you to sit down, before grabbing your hand again.

“Welcome to the after party.” 

“Yuta, this is stunning! How did you manage all of this?” 

“I had some help.”

“ I love it.”

“I meant what I said earlier, about the prettiest girl in the world being mine, but you didn't say anything back.” he says, letting his own nerves finally surface. Something you catch onto quickly. Before he can say anything else, you pull him into a gentle, yet passionate kiss. 

“I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. I'm all yours.” You say, looking deep into his eyes, as he is now speechless. Pulling you into another kiss, the two of you spend the night watching movies, laughing at the terrible jokes being made, and simply enjoying quality time together. The perfect ending to a day that is now engraved in your mind. 

[lodane]

Tubi Testimony (pirate POV, tubi-n-chill x reader)

Context? i came to the site for gothic soap opera Dark Shadows on ABC in the late 1960s. if you're gonna do the same... look for "Dark Shadows: the Beginning" because that's the real 1966 start of the series (before Barnabas shows).

Ads... Like, ANY?

first things first... i assume tubi has ads but i use ublock-origin (win10, firefox/opera) and haven't seen any... at all... ever.

. n . o . t . h . i . n . g .

Account?

in my browser, you don't have to have an account. I REPEAT: NO SIGN-UP OR SIGN-IN REQUIRED. can't speak for the phone app, haven't used it 🤷‍♀️

Watch Party

i'm not sure if they're one of the services that black out the screen when you stream to friends on discord/etc. (tbh i don't think they do this? but...) if so they're one i've worked around by disabling hardware acceleration in the browser's settings. 🤷‍♀️ like candy from a babbyform.

Subtitles [CC]

the captions aren't perfect but they're a straight up SRT file 👀 you can rip with anything (including, just, like... the ublock logger showing you the direct URL). i don't know where they came from, and they don't seem *entirely* automagically generated... so, i can't tell if they're pulled from some (phoned-in) DVD, they're paying someone to caption, scraping some (really half-assed) fan subs...or some combo?

this is important to me since i'm going to be fixin' up my OWN fan subs for this show and it's great when someone saves you some legwork. i use downsub dot com (which is SHOCKINGLY not a k*nk site) to scrape the captions when i'm being lazy.

The Video Itself

the videos themselves are quite easily obtained, too... but... i'll tell ya... i never bothered ripping the show, and i stopped downloading it from elsewhere atm, because i legit enjoy just watching it on tubi... the vibes are good, the ux/ui are good, and they basically have the same files as i can find elsewhere (admittedly scuffed, for the example of Dark Shadows) on any archive or torrent for a show...

i can side-by-side a rip to a file and see there's basically no difference... so i don't think they attempt any reformatting/editing/etc. of the media they, uh, obtain... from... somewhere?

🤔

actually... i have a test for this... brb...

(pulls up Buffy's 'Once More with Feeling' on Tubi)

so, since it's shockingly different on various platforms and editions, it's a great little litmus test.

VISUAL DIFFERENCES? placing the file and tubi side-by-side, playing the exact same spot... yeah, i guess... there's a little bitsy change in color/contrast/fuzz (very likely just throwing a few less pixels on the screen) that's probably just some lossy compression they do to make it easier to house/stream all these files…

BUT WHICH VERSION IS IT? for Buffy's s06e07, OMWF, they have the 00:50:45 runtime version, which afaik is "the good* version" with all the original visuals intact. i'm sure someone is a bigger Buffy scholar than me, but i think this the "DVD version" (not an old DVR/TV rip, like i subsisted on for years, not the terrible blu-ray wherein they cut several minutes).

the captions are LITERALLY identical from the "Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 1 to 7 Mp4 1080p" torrent (which, again, are likely originally from the DVDs).

tangent: the entire scene before and after "I Have a Theory" is an amazing case study in why those Blu-Rays were strangely good 5% of the time but absolutely still ruined the show. why? well, tbh there are a couple edits this episode could use… changes that were made for the better in the blu-ray version, like... i guess i can understand taking out the donut/cruller Magnolia PUA joke, since it's very dated? along with Anya dropping the m-slur… we could lose that, for sure [which, i just checked, is in the tubi version, so it's def not blu-ray]. too bad the blu-ray also kills the pterodactyl joke??? they cut out the shared visual framing device of the shoppe's door/bell when buffy/dawn enter for one but leave the other? it feels like the level of brainpower that went into that Hitchhiker's Guide movie when they ruined the joke about "beware the jaguar" and all that in the first 10 minutes?

conclusion...

go watch Dark Shadows: The Beginning or Buffy the Vampire Slayer on tubi tv ig? do a fan sub for the first 365 episodes of an ancient soap opera in a desperate effort to get ppl to watch it?

fuck man idk...

💋

Tubi is the best streaming service because it captures the feeling of a video store, but not a corporate video store like Blockbuster, or even a good indie store, but a rundown video rental place under a overpass weeks away from closing down. You'll find, like, 2001: A Space Odyssey next to a unwatchable copy of a 70s exploitation film and a micro-low-budget indie and a movie called STRIPPER VAMPIRE MASSACRE III but you can find no evidence of STRIPPER VAMPIRE MASSACRE one or two existing.

This is a real, commercial streaming service and they've uploaded films with the DVD menu visible for the first few seconds bc it's a recording of a DVD copy. What a titan in the landscape of streaming

[badmouthedmama]

Out on my morning walk. Just watching the big beautiful Moon just disappear behind the clouds. So I'm so energizing when she's out in the morning what a great start!

I started this blog like all the other mom's out there. Searching Pinterest day after day. Reading all the blogs, how to make quick money as a stay at home mom? Well, that was years ago I thought about that and I'm a totally different person now and I am starting to blog to make money but not to make money off my blog LOL I disconnected from Facebook back in January, one of those challenges, I saw an Pinterest, but it spoke to me. A little bit more with the spiritual journey that I've been on to just take a break with everything and man has it just been amazing! I really haven't missed it besides the pictures and feeling way out of the loop. So I started this blog to get my name back out on social media but this time I'm just gonna be who I am none of that fake s***! The reql raw ugly me. So who am I might you ask?

Well, I'm a 40yr old, soon to be divorced woman, with 3 beautiful amazing kids. That's what we're supposed to say, right LOL 2 boys and a girl, 8, 10 and 12. Just like everybody else. I lost track of myself a very long time ago. And I'm finally finding who I want to be again, and it's beautiful and amazing. And I feel like sometimes people are too afraid to be who they want to be because who they want to be isn't who they are, and people won't accept you for who you are if you change, and let me tell you from experience It is definitely very true because there are a lot of people in my life who don't like the person that I'm becoming because it's not the person that I was. F*** them, they can k*** my a** cause I'm f****** fabulous. I'm a quirky weirdo moon child, and I absolutely love finally just being me

And I'm sure by my Bad Mouth Mama title and all the f bombs and bad words in between you would think. I'm probably going to hell, but I don't really think I am, I am very spiritual, and I believe in an ALL loving God.

So this is what this blog is for, all mama's out there that I'll just try to raise some good f****** kids. But I'm telling you right now. It is rough raising some good f****** kids in this world. It takes a village for sure. And if you need a village I want to be your village because if a mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy and THAT is what this blog is about, this blog is about Mama's. We are forgotten. Well I see you. And I guarantee to give you plenty laughs along the way because my life, no joke, is a constant series of "you can't make this shit up"

Don't you love my s***** f****** pictures 😁

My phone usually does good but clouds fucked that up this morning, maybe it'll make someone look at my blog, like wtf, who would post those horrible pictures. Me... I would...but hey if you read this far then maybe I made ya look 😘

BRB

#TBGLU ✌️🌙

[cuzimitaliano]

I Really Do Love You - T.R.

TW: Drinking + Smoking, Mental Illness, Death/Offing Urself, Implied OD, Graveyards, Bad Grammar/Not Proofread

A/N: This is my first Måneskin fic so I'm sorry if anything is wrong. Most of the Italian is translated because I'm not that good at it yet </3 If anything in the TW's trigger you, please don't read. I would rather lose a like or a read than make someone read something that will be harmful to them. I wrote this to make me feel better, so I don't want you to feel bad from reading it. Thank you.

Word Count: 3,800+

Thomas Raggi x Female Reader

✮✮✮✮

You run out of class right when the bell rings, making sure to leave first. You don't even care that the teacher is yelling, you just want to get out of that hell hole.

You keep running until your body can't take it. You just want to break down, but you can't. You have to hold it in until you get home. Just hold it in.

You're relieved to find that none of your friends were home. If they saw you like this, they would be so worried about you. You don't want to be a burden. They've done so much for you, and they're always busy with the band, so watching after you would put so much more on their plate.

You walk over to the armchair and just sit there, tears threatening to fall. You're trying not to cry, because your eyes always get puffy after crying and they'll obviously notice. Your phone interrupted you, though, and you reluctantly pick it up. It was your boyfriend, Thomas.

- Thomas The Train 🚂: did u get home from school yet tesoro

- You: just got home amore <3

- Thomas The Train 🚂: that's good, me and the gang are gonna be back in a bit

- Thomas The Train 🚂: just had to pick some stuff up

- You: I can't wait to see what you bring back. ti amo

- Thomas The Train 🚂: ti amo

You almost close your phone, but your fingers take you to the next page of your home screen and end up clicking on Instagram. You know you shouldn't look at it, but you can't help it.

The comments have gotten worse than before. Below a selfie you and Vic took together people are saying things like "Who is that ugly girl next to Vic?" or "Vic: ❤️❤️❤️ | Thomas's GF: 🤮🤮" There was some good comments, but most of them were just making fun of you. They were worse on pictures of just yourself.

You couldn't take it. You never asked Thomas to love you. You never asked to be friends with the band. You never asked for any of this. It's not like people were nicer before. People always made fun of you.

You didn't know how to stop them. You didn't know how. It's like your head was a yearbook without the fake happiness. You pick your phone up and click on Find My. They're 4 miles away. That's enough time. You grab a piece of paper, scribbling down a quick note.

You walk to the bathroom, not wanting to make a lot of noise. You don't even now why, you're alone. You keep staring at yourself, hating everything about it. You just want to escape. You just can't take it.

You bend down and open the cabinet. You eye the item you desire, quickly picking it up. You hope Victoria doesn't mind you're borrowing it. That little voice in your head won't shut up. It keeps beckoning you. Nothing seems right except listening to it.

✮✮✮✮

Thomas walked into the house, helping carry some of the bags the four of them got from the store. I can't wait to show Y/N. He thought. She'll love them.

"Ethan, where should I put these bags? I need to go to the bathroom." He asked.

"Ummm, just put it on the couch. We'll move them later." He replied.

"K. Brb."

He walks over to the bathroom. The door is closed, which is odd. He thought it was left open.

Maybe Y/N is in there. She wasn't in the living room like usual. He decided to knock.

"Y/N? You in here?" No response. "Y/N? Y/N? Y/N, you're worrying me. Come on, open the door. Please? Y/N? You know what, I'm coming in!"

He slowly opens the door, trying not to scare her if she was actually in there.

"Y/N?" Thomas started gasping for air. "Oh my god, oh my god. Fanculo, fanculo, fanculo. Why? Why?!" Tears started running down his face. He started looking around wildly, until his eyes landed upon a piece of paper. He bent down to pick it up and started to silently read it.

Thomas, i love you so much. I hope you know that. You're one of the best things that ever happened to me. But bambino, i couldn't take it any longer. You all are lying to yourselves when you call me beautiful. I never told you this, but everyone at school makes fun of me. i'm a laughing stock. I, well this is hard to say, but a lot of the fans don't like me. They call me many names, and say so many other mean things. i know i'll never be good enough. But, i believe you can get on without me. I want you to live your life, Thomas. Find someone you truly love, have a  family which i  know is going to be beautiful  just like you, and live out your dreams. you can do it without me. i know you can. ti amo, my little train. ti amo. - Y/N

"Oh god. Bambina..." Thomas's sobs grew louder. "No, no, it can't-"

"Thomas? You okay bud?" Thomas heard Damiano interrupt outside the door.

Thomas took a deep breath and said in the calmest voice he could manage, "I'm fine, Damiano. Perfectly fine."

"Are you sure? It sounds like you're crying."

"I-it's fine."

"Thomas."

"What?"

"I'm coming in, okay?"

"No Dami Please-"

"Oh my god." He mumbled, standing above Thomas and the limp body. "She-"

Thomas broke out into louder sobs, hugging his arms tightly. Victoria and Ethan heard and came running over, only to be shaken by the fact that their best friend's body was lying dead on the ground.

Ethan reached down his hand to hold Thomas shoulder. "Thomas, be honest. Are you okay?"

"I'm leaving." Thomas whimpered, brushing off Ethan's hand and pushing his way out the door.

"Thomas, wait!" Victoria yelled, but Thomas was already out the door.

✮✮✮✮

He just sat there, sitting drenched in the rain, smoking and crying. He never thought she would actually do this. He thought she was fine. She never said anything. He hoped that she didn't feel like it was her fault. It wasn't her, it was the goddamn f-

"Potrei avere un autografo?" A girl said, staring at Thomas. "Aspetta, stai piangendo?"

"Uhhh, no. Devo andare." He replied, standing up.

"Nemmeno una foto?"

"No, no. Ciao."

"Awwwwww."

Thomas broke out running to the apartment. He didn't care if he pushed people. He wanted to get home.

He ran up the stairs of the building and quickly opened the door to the apartment. All three of his friends were waiting for him, but he just ran to his bedroom without a second thought.

✮✮✮✮

NEXT DAY

"Thomas, are you sure you want to wear these?" Damiano asked, pulling Thomas from his phone.

"Cosa? Oh, uh sì." Thomas replied, looking at back at his phone.

"You should really stop looking at the comments, Thomas." Damiano sighed, sitting next to him on the bed in the hotel room.

"All I do is make an appreciation post for my dead girlfriend and people hate on it."

"People are terrible, Thomas. You got to come to terms to that."

Thomas sighed. "I know, but, I never thought Y/N would die. I-I loved her." His voice cracked at the end.

Damiano wraps his arm around Thomas, letting Thomas's head lay on his shoulder. "Puoi piangere, Thomas. Sfogati."

"Some of the fucking fans, Damiano. They're just so mean!" Thomas said inbetween sobs. "They fucking killed her."

Damiano stroked Thomas's hair. "I know, Thomas. I know."

"It should be me, not her. They're my fans, not hers."

"They're not our fans if they make fun of someone we hold so dearly. They aren't real fans."

"I'd rather be dead than her." Thomas mumbled, looking away from Damiano.

"Thomas, oh god. I-" Damiano muttered, taking his hand out of Thomas's hair to cover his mouth.

"That's a joke, I'm joking," he replied, laughing.

"I-Thomas, are you okay? Be serious with me."

"I'm fine, Dami. You gotta relax a little." Thomas shook Damiano's shoulders. "It's just a joke."

"I know Y/N's, uh, passing is hard for all of us, but it's probably extremely hard on you, I mean-"

"You don't have to worry about it, dude." Thomas murmured, playing with one of his rings. More particularly, the matching one to Y/N's. "It's hard but, I can get over it. That's what she told me to do. I always listen to her."

"Thomas, I'm always here if you need to talk to someone. You're my best friend, I wouldn't be able to handle myself if you were gone too."

"I appreciate that. Thanks, bro."

"Welcome."

✮✮✮✮

"And that's it for my questions, so I'm gonna open the Q/A up for the audience! Okay, guys?" The interviewer asked.

"That would be great, ya." Victoria replied, receiving head nods from the others. They've been here for only 15 minutes, but it felt like hours to Thomas. At least it was close enough to go back home after.

"So, 31 asks 'Are you mad some people only know you for Beggin'? It's a cover, not an original.'"

"Yes, it's a cover," Damiano started, "but we really reinterpreted it, there's a lot of us in the song. We like our own songs better, though."

"Interesting, Interesting," the reporter said, tapping her pen against her tablet.

"And next up we have 75, they ask to Thomas, 'How do you feel after your girlfriend died?'"

Thomas smoothed back his hair quickly. "I-no comment."

"Okay then-" The reporter said, flipping to the next question. "Another one asks Thomas 'How much do you miss Y/N?'"

"No comment."

"Uhhh, 83 asks you again 'Did she use you for clout or something?'"

"No comment." He replied, more firmly.

"37 asks 'Did you even love her?'"

"Can you please s-" Damiano started.

"Just shut up, for fuck's sake, shut up!" Thomas yells, pushing the chair back to stand and face the audience. "Please, Stop! You fucking killed the love of my life! Siete tutti fottuti mostri! She did nothing to hurt you, nothing! I fucking hate you all!" He quickly turns around, and kicks the chair down onto the stage.  He runs off to the side, never lifting his head up.

"Thomas, wait!" Victoria yells, running after him.

"We're done, grazie per niente, davvero." Damiano said, throwing up two middle fingers to the cameras and the audience. Him and Ethan walk over the stage, leaving the reporter and the audience stunned.

"Thomas? Thomas?" Ethan asked, trying to find where Thomas might be hiding. He heard a distant crying, and tracked it down to a corner near the door. Victoria was sitting next to a sobbing Thomas, rubbing his back while he choked on tears.

"She's gone, she's gone, and it's all my fault. I killed her, I killed her, she's dead because of me-"

"Thomas, it's okay bud. Just breath." Ethan said, crouching in front of Thomas. "Andrà bene."

"I just can't take much more. I'm just gonna kill myself."

"Thomas, please." Damiano sobbed, sliding down next to Thomas. "We couldn't make it without you."

"Yeah," Victoria wailed. "We love you."

"Everything is my fault. I should have kept her a secret. She still would've been here. I could wake up next to her every morning and fall asleep next to her every night. But she's dead. All-all because of me." Thomas shoved his head into his lap.

"Thomas, it's not your fault." Ethan said compassionately.

"You're just saying that."

"I'm not."

"I'm not listening to lies."

"Thomas, we love you. Please stop."

"I doubt that."

"For fuck's sake, Thomas!" Damiano shouted. "For. Fuck's. Sake! Stop being such an ass! We love you, stop wailing about nothing! Grow some fucking balls, you self-centered prick!"

"Damiano!" Victoria yelled, looking at him with angry eyes.

"What? He-what the fuck!" Damiano yelped, grabbing his nose. "What did you do that for?!"

"You a hundred percent deserved that." Victoria said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, merda. Mi dispiace, Damiano. Non lo intendevo, lo giuro." Thomas shuddered, covering his mouth with his hand.

"Esso va bene, non preoccuparti. It's my fault anyway." Damiano reassured, pulling up his sleeve so he could wipe the blood off his nose without ruining the shirt.

Ethan held his hand down to Thomas, helping him up. He pulled the other boy into a hug. "Thomas, Ti vogliamo bene. Ci manca anche Y/N, ma per te è decisamente più difficile. Ti conosco, Thomas. So che puoi superare questo. Ci vorrà del tempo, sì, ma tu sei una delle persone più forti che conosco." ("Thomas, we love you. We also miss Y/N, but it's definitely more difficult for you. I know you, Thomas. I know you can get over this. It will take some time, yes, but you are one of the strongest people I know.")

"I-Grazie, Ethan."

"Welcome. Let's go home."

✮✮✮✮

They were scared to ask Thomas how he was doing. Scared he would yell or cry or run away. Scared he would actually go through with his threats. Scared of what he would do.

All four of them were sitting silently in the living room. They were too scared to say the first word. Scared of what would happen. And the silence was eating them alive.

"Why are you all so quiet? You usually never shut up." Thomas rolled his eyes.

"We-" Vic started.

"Whatever."

"Thomas-" Damiano started.

"What do you all want to tell me now, huh? What?"

"Well, we-"

"Just spit it out!"

"Thom, I'm trying t-"

"I'm done, I'm done." Thomas pushed himself off the chair and started to walk out of the living room. Damiano quickly got up and grabbed the former's wrist.

"What the fuck do you three want from me?!" Thomas ripped his wrist out from his friend's hand.

"We want to know you're okay! Seriously! Siamo tutti così fottutamente preoccupati per te!" Damiano said, tears threatening to fall.

"You don't need to protect me! Why don't you ever leave me alone!?"

"Oh, well it's always my fault, isn't it? I guess caring for you is a fucking sin!" The singer yelled, pushing Thomas so he stumbles backward.

The whole room fell into an awkward silence.  The only thing you could hear was Damiano's shaky breaths and sobbing.

"Damiano, I'm sorry." Thomas said after a few minutes.

"I know."

"I mean it, I promise."

"The thing is, Thomas," the singer cried, walking closer to the guitarist. "The thing is that you say you mean it, you say you're okay, but you're not. We're terrified that you're going to run into that bathroom and never come out alive, Thomas."

"I miss her."

"We do too, Thomas! But she said to move on. I know it's hard, but you have to! I-we can't lose you like we lost her."

"You're right." Thomas sighed, pulling Damiano into a hug. "I'm sorry I've caused you guys so much pain."

"Non preoccuparti, we're glad you're still here. Like I said, we couldn't make it without you."

"I'm so sorry, I mean it, I swear. I mean it this time."

Damiano broke the hug and held his friend's face in his hands. "We love you, Thomas. Never forget it."

"I won't."

"How about we do something fun to make you feel better? Maybe a board game?" Damiano asked, smiling.

"I VOTE ON MONOPOLY!" Victoria yells, jumping off the couch excitedly.

"The last time we played Monopoly you stole all my money." Ethan said sighing, sinking into the couch.

"YOU'RE JUST A BAD BANKER!"

"Vic, I'm literally about to eat all the metal pieces out off the box."

"NOT MY SUBMARINE!"

"Yes, your submarine."

"NO."

"Pick whatever game you want to, Thom." Damiano laughed, letting go of his friend's face.

"K."

Thomas walked out of the room, leaving the others by themselves.

"BITCH YOU WILL NOT EAT MY SUBMARINE!!" Victoria screeched at the top of her lungs.

"I'M GONNA EAT IT AND LIKE IT!" Ethan screamed back.

"SHUT THE DHGFDHJUHYGFHDJKHGBHNJSHGB UP!"

"What the fuck-"

Damiano jumped onto the couch, flopping his head on Ethan's lap. "I'm gonna eat both the submarine and the car."

"You eat the car, I eat your nose, Dami." Ethan said, lightly smacking him on the nose.

"Nose fetish," Damiano laughed.

"Ahhhh, remember that time we played Monopoly and Vic broke her thumb?"

"SHUT UR ASS UP ETHAN!" Vic screeched, rolling off the coach. "THAT WAS YOUR FAULT!"

"How was me getting the Boardwalk my fault?"

"It was," Vic huffed, crossing her arms.

"Ugh, whatever."

Damiano laughed at the two others. "Those were fun times."

"Ya, I miss them." Victoria said, sighing. "You know, I love all this fame, we've always wanted it. But some of these fans are toxic little assholes."

"Hai ragione. With Y/N and that kinda stuff. With Giorgia too, some of the fans don't like her."

"I don't even know why some of them do that," Ethan replied. "Giorgia is a sweetheart and Y/N was so kind."

"They have no life," Vic rolls her eyes.

"Mi manca Y/N. Lei stata meravigliosa. Sono preoccupato per Thom. Lei sua morte gli ha messo un tale peso. Ovviamente non lei intendeva, non sei affatto colpa sua." ("I miss Y/N. She was wonderful. I'm worried about Thom. Her death has put such a burden on him. Obviously she didn't mean it, it's not her fault at all.")

Damiano sighed, placing his arms behind his head. "We all are, Ethan. He's not doing good. Before the interview earlier, he threatened to, you know, off himself."

"What?!" Ethan's voice rose as he sat up, causing Damiano to almost fall off the couch.

"I, well, like Thomas was all like 'I'd rather be dead' and that 'it's all his fault.'"

"Why the fuck didn't you tell us that!?"

"I, well, I thought you knew! He said something like that after the interview!"

"Fucking hell, Damiano. Go check on him, please." Ethan said sighing, placing his face in his hands.

"Okay, I'm going."

Come on, Thomas. Come on, buddy. Damiano took the stairs two steps. His breath was quickening each jump he took. He couldn't lose two of his best friends in under a week.

"Thomas!" Damiano yelled, knocking on the door. "C'mon Thomas, open the door. Please."

"Dami..."

"Thomas, please open the door."

"I'm, I'm sorry, Damiano."

"Thomas, you don't have to do this."

"Tell Vic and Ethan I lo-love them, okay?"

"Open the fucking door! C'mon Thom!" Damiano began to bang on the door, not caring if it broke down.

"Y/N told me to get over it. Now I am."

"She didn't mean it like that, Thom. Please open the door. Please."

"Bye Damiano."

"C'mon Thomas." Damiano felt like he had cried a thousand tears already and felt like he was going to cry a thousand more. "Thomas, please."

Damiano hears Thomas take a deep breath, with a quiet sob escaping afterward.

"Sono fuori di testa." He said, falling silent afterward. Silence engulfed the floor, not a sound to be heard.

"Ma diverso da loro," Damiano sobbed, laying his head aganist the door. "Ma diverso da loro."

✮✮✮✮

Victoria dabbed her eyes with her jacket sleeve, with her other hand latching onto Ethan's. "We're going to be in the car, Dami. See you in a little bit."

"See you." He said, sinking down on the bench.

"Oh, Y/N. I-" Damiano started to run his ice cold hands along his tear-stained face.

"I fucking miss you. We all do. The day you died, it was a terrible day. We were all heartbroken, especially Thom. At, At least you two are reunited again." Tears started to form in his eyes.

"Things have been hard. Um, Vic was making breakfast yesterday and she, like, woke me up and then Ethan up and, well, she ran into you guys' room and she ran into it empty and she just broke down sobbing. It's been so damn hard.

"We always keep the door to your room closed now.

"She hasn't been taking it well. She put the picture frame you guys kept on your dresser next to her bed. She's trying so hard to try to move on, but it hasn't been working.

"Ethan barely shows any emotion toward the situation. I'm pretty sure he thinks that if he shows any sadness or regret or grief, Vic and I are gonna know how bad this really is.

"I miss you two so much. I missed the talks Y/N and I had, all the fun shit we got into. I miss it all.

"And the fans, that's a fun story. So remember that the Ronquières Festival we were going to go to? Ya, so we went to it. We didn't have you, Thom, of course. We got a backup for the day and you wanna know what the fans did. So after the Kiwi cover, the audience had the audacity to start chanting 'we want thom, we want thom.' You can't fucking come back and they know it.

"So I screamed at them. Ya. Um, I don't know if you like can hear or see things for heaven or hell or whatever you call the end, but here's the video from it."

Damiano pulled his phone out of his pocket. After scrolling around a bit, he turned the phone to the two gravestones and pressed play.

"Thomas is dead and you fucking know it. YOU are the ones who killed him. Not all of you guys, the absolute assholes who fucked with Y/N! You are the terrible ones! Not her! She was lovely. She was Thomas' joy. And now they are both dead. All because of you. Quindi, chiudi quella vera cazzata."

Damiano chuckled after the video, sliding the phone back into his pocket. "So yeah, that's the video. We've been everywhere. 'Måneskin Frontman Attacks Fans At The Ronquières Festival,' 'Damiano David Can't Deal With The Loss Of His Best Friend Thomas Raggi,' 'Rockstar Thomas Raggi's Death: The Real Truth.'

"The last one's all like 'He's hiding in the shadows, the youngster couldn't handle the fame!' No one knows the truth, the truth of you laying on the ground with two empty bottles. The truth that when I finally got in, you were laying face down on the floor, already dead. No one knows except me, Vic and Ethan. No one saw it except me.

"I miss you guys so much. You were so young. You had your life ahead of you. And some assholes took it away. I'm so so sorry. I'll always miss you. I really do love you guys.

"I have to go now. We have an interview with GMA. I know you always wanted to go, Thomas. You'll be there in spirit. See you tomorrow, loves. Vi amo entrambi con tutto il mio cuore."

Damiano got up off his bench and patted both headstones, kissing the tops of thems. "Ti amo davvero, ti amo davvero." He waved goodbye and slowly walked down the path.

"Dami sa che non possiamo fumare nell'aldilà? Perché è sui così stupido?" Thomas laughed, his hand passing through the pack Dami left by the gravestones.

"Tu lo ami," Y/N says, rolling her eyes.

"E ti amo davvero"

[campingwiththecharmings]

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I'M

^^actual footage of me reading this tbh

A breathy moan escaped him, hitting your ears and melting your body from the inside out. <- ;LDSFDFL;KGFL;GK MELTING IS SO ACCURATE. SO VERY, VERY ACCURATE (melting my insides and my panties) (i mean what)

You were curious, and that made him all the more aroused, knowing he had an audience. <- why is this so on brand for him tho like...i can totally see him being into someone he's into watching him do something like this just asd;sdfl;k

You would look so pretty bent over the control panel of his T-70 while he split you open over and over again until he filled you to the brim, letting you drip all over the floor of the cockpit. <- asl;dsl;fkdf;lkggh FUCK I'M

It was quite a sight, and you found yourself out of breath as though you’d been part of the show yourself. <- HAHAHA OH BUT YOU WERE BB, YOU JUST DIDN'T KNOW IT

“Hey baby, enjoy the show last night?” <- ASDKSL;DF;KG;LK BRB IMAGINING WHAT (PROBABLY) HAPPENS AFTER THIS HEHEHEHE 😈

aaaaaaaaaaah this was so good, thank you for writing it!!!! 💖

i'm just gonna go...daydream about this for a minute or five 👀

For Your Entertainment

Poe Dameron X f!Reader

Not Beta Read - Requested by @campingwiththecharmings

Kinks - Exhibitionism + First Time

Summary

Poe Dameron, Commander of the Resistance, finds himself in the hangar while his crewmates celebrate a recent victory in the cantina. He needed to relieve himself, but he can't help the feeling that he's being watched...

Tags/Warnings

NSFW, masturbation, voyeurism, exhibitionism, first time relates to reader's first time seeing a peen, public masturbation.

Word Count: 900

Poe couldn’t help himself, shameful as it might’ve been, he needed to take care of the aching in his cock. That’s why he was in the hangar so late at night with a firm fist dragging over his weeping erection while everyone else celebrated their recent victory in the cantina. Everyone except for you.

You had stepped away, feeling a little buzzed and tired from all the commotion. It had been a long day, and you were ready to turn in, when you noticed a light on in the hangar and decided to investigate. Normally the lights were all out at this hour, so you wondered who would be in there so late. You stopped when you got to the doorway and saw Commander Dameron…and then you realized what he was doing. 

His curly head was tossed back, mouth wide open…and he was stroking his…his…

You’d never seen one before, a dick that is, and it left you in awe. It was so…pretty. You wondered if they all looked like that or if his was just exceptionally pretty. You bit your bottom lip to help keep yourself quiet. You didn’t want to stop him or alert him to your presence. A breathy moan escaped him, hitting your ears and melting your body from the inside out.

Poe’s eyes shifted when he thought he heard a footstep. He recognized your shoe as you moved behind the door frame. He’d seen you wearing those pretty heels all night, he couldn’t possibly forget them. He could stop jerking himself off and make up some lie about what he was doing in there. Being caught, especially by someone as beautiful as you, should’ve been so embarrassing that he’d just assume throw himself off of the cliff the hangar was built into…but then he noticed that you were still watching.

He could see the little glistening of your eyes through the vent on the other side of the wall. You were curious, and that made him all the more aroused, knowing he had an audience. He started working on himself again, making a show of it now. He grabbed the side of his X-wing while he stroked, making sure to angle himself so that you could really see the full package. He dropped a glob of spit over his length, letting it dribble down the sides while he continued dragging his caged fingers over himself in a delicious rhythm.

You were watching, eyes unblinking through the vertically slotted ventilation hole in the wall. Your heart was racing after nearly being caught by the Commander. You should’ve left the moment you saw what he was doing, but he looked so handsome. His chiseled jaw was clenched tightly while he worked, clearly engrossed in what he was doing. He let out a sharp exhale as he started jerking faster, working his hips into the motion.

Poe had half a mind to call you in there, put you on your knees in front of him while he finished into your pretty mouth. He imagined how gorgeous you’d look with your lips coated in white. Would you swallow? Or would you let his spend trickle out of your bottom lip and down your chin to your chest? The thought of it made his cock harder, the tip was red and leaking so much he wouldn’t need to spit on it again.

He looked over at the wall again, just to check if you were still watching…you were. A faint hint of your eyes could still be seen through the vent. He shuddered, pressing his palm against the X-wing harder, feeling his breathing start to rattle as his movements got faster. Thinking about you and your prying eyes made his cock feel so good.

He imagined what you might be doing behind that wall. Were you touching your sweet little pussy while you watched? Were you biting your lip and thinking about all the ways you wanted your Commander to take you apart? You would look so pretty bent over the control panel of his T-70 while he split you open over and over again until he filled you to the brim, letting you drip all over the floor of the cockpit.

Poe let out a heavy moan that echoed off the walls in the hangar. His cock hardened before he felt it twitch and throb in his hand, sending hot spurts of white shooting onto the durasteel floor. He stumbled, feeling his legs going numb with every drop he milked out with his enclosed fist.

It was quite a sight, and you found yourself out of breath as though you’d been part of the show yourself. Your lip hurt from how hard you were biting it, and you knew it was only a matter of time before you were found watching the display so you left. You truly thought you’d gotten away with it unnoticed, watching the Commander jerk himself to completion in the hangar, but you were wrong.

The next day while working, as you were bent over, reaching for a tool in one of the utility rooms, you felt someone stand behind you, grabbing your hips and pressing their own flush against you. You gasped and stood up fast, only to be met with a pair of lips to your ear and a pair of hands around your waist.

“Hey baby, enjoy the show last night?”

----

Star Wars Masterlist

Poe Dameron Masterlist

Melody's 1k Celebration Masterlist

[katnissmellarkkk]

Andddd here’s my chappy three thoughts 🥳🥳🥳

Hmmm Katniss saying that her mother has a dress made of velvet is actually really interesting because it shows that Mrs. Everdeen Lily-Rose really was well-er off before she married Katniss’ father Hunter.

Or did she get the velvet dress from Maysilee? Oh well, who knows.

Aww, Katniss’ nervous habit of touching soft things repeatedly to soothe herself 🤧🤧.

“Crying is not an option. There will be more cameras at the train station.” — someone tell that to Peeta 🤣🤣🤣.

Okay I gotta stop picking on Primmers, I know but like. How small is she that she sits on Katniss’ lap like a toddler but then in the following year is the same height as her? Doesn’t matter I know but still I wonder.

Okay so Mrs. E is the doctor for the people of the Seam? Idk I never thought about this but who does people like Peeta or Madge or Delly go to if they’re sick or hurt? Is there a still running apothecary shop that Katniss never mentions? Are her grandparents still running the family biz?

Also okay, I gotta stop having so many thoughts on all the lil details I know but like. Katniss says here she’s familiar with the herbs her mother doesn’t grow on her own so like a). Katniss is more of a healer than she leads on because no average person knows what kind of plant is medicinal and b). Her mother is just growing herbs and Katniss never mentions it again in the whole series? Or I just missed it.

Okay imma move on from this one singular paragraph but Gale and her made a pact a year ago that they’ll supply each other’s family with game if they were to be reaped... I’m feeling like their close friendship is probably only one year old then? Idk. Just my interpretation.

Honestly I love Katniss getting mad at her mom here.

She’s sixteen, for God’s sake, of course she’s angry at what her mother’s illness put her through.

Also I lowkey like that her mother got mad back because that lady in the movies had zero personality.

“Boys who are two to three times my size.” She sounds so little, omg 🥺🥺🥺.

“I don’t care if we’re rich, I just really want you to come home” 🤧🤧🤧😩😩😩😩 okay Primmers, you got me here.

“the Peacekeeper is at the door, signaling our time is up, and we're all hugging one another so hard it hurts and all I'm saying is ‘I love you. I love you both.’ And they're saying it back...” this is so sad leave me be 😫😫😫😫

Katniss is burying her face in a pillow to block out her emotions this is too much for me 🥵🥵🥵

Omg I forgot Peeta’s father visits Katniss 😅

Why does he visit Katniss?

She describes Peeta’s father as a “big, broad-shouldered man.” And then describes Peeta as stocky. Idk the comparison of the two descriptions has always led me to think Peeta is gonna be a big dude when he grows up like his father. This made no sense and had zero correlation but I thought, so I said it, no regrets

Oh he brought her cookies 🤧

WAIT WAIT WAIT. I just had a new thought, y’all. What if instead of the baker bringing cookies being a thing he does for all tributes, what if he’s bringing the cookies because Peeta asked him to, because he made them and wants to give them to Katniss and knows she’ll never accept / trust them coming from her competition? What if that’s the real reason the baker visited her in the first place? Because Peeta asked him to? This was such a shipper comment but idc, no regrets, remember?

Omg Peeta’s father is just mute 🤣🤣🤣

Between an abusive, angry mother and a mute for a father, the Mellark brothers must have had a fairytale of a childhood 😅😅😅😅.

But seriously #PoorPeetaMyBaby

Aww Peeta’s father is gonna help keep Prim alive 😭

Omg I just remembered he’s her mother’s ex boyfriend. Haidon Mellark, as I named him in my fics.

That one fic where he was thought to be Prim’s real father is just playing now in my head, rent free.

But does Katniss not realize that he may be offering to help Prim as a favor to her? Like she claims Prim is just so wonderful people adore her but there’s like zero evidence in the text that make her endearing? Okay I need to turn this bus around, I need to find a love for Primmy Deen.

Madge is not one for preamble apparently. No “hi, how are you? I’m sorry you’re gonna die? What will your last meal be?” Just right to “here, wear this family heirloom of mine, k thanks.”

I like that Madge had to kiss her cheek for Katniss to realize they were friends 😅😅😅.

I remember always loving her and Gale’s hug here. I’ve always felt like it was platonic, but especially when I first read the books and had zero preference one way or another for Gale or Peeta, I really liked how she said even with nothing romantic between them, “when he opens his arms, I don’t hesitate to go to him” or something I’m paraphrasing ok I’m lazy

Also though, this is the first time they’ve ever hugged? Idk why that surprises me? It shouldn’t because where is a hug gonna fit into a hunting trip 😅🤣😂 “I just caught a deer!” “let’s celebrate with a hug!”

I like that Katniss remembers how her father even failed to make a good bow sometimes. Random, I know.

I like that the Capitol weren’t entertained by the people freezing to deaths because it wasn’t bloody enough 🤭🙃

“How different can it be [to kill a human vs an animal]?” She’s about to find out, Gale 🥺. And when she comes back you won’t understand 🙄😔

What did Gale want to say before the Peacekeepers dragged him away?

I used to think it was a confession of love but I’m actually sure it wasn’t now? Just the wording “remember I-“ doesn’t sound like it, considering he never confessed anything prior to her coming home.

I’m assuming now he was just gonna give her some more advice to stay alive 🤷🏼‍♀️. Clearly if it were relevant it would have made its way to the others books.

Aww, she’s never been inside a car before 😭😭. I didn’t even know they had cars in this universe but okay.

I notice though how she says “In the Seam, we travel on foot.” So is Peeta just riding his trolly down the street every day with the other merchants then? 🤣

Peeta just openly crying on camera 😅😢.

I like how Katniss is like “ooo is this an act to get sponsors?” when in reality Peeta’s like “no, I’m just a soft and genuine boy ™️”

Omg I just realized this totally goes along with Peeta’s thing later on “I want to die as myself”

He’s refusing to hold back his emotions because he thinks he’s doomed to die and he’s already refusing to pretend to be or feel something ingenious.

But a Johanna mention in book 1 chapter 3 woohoo 🥳🥳🥳 also Katniss comparing Jo and Peeta is kind of like foreshadowing of their shared torture in book 3.

Omg she just called Peeta broad-shouldered and strong. 🥰🥰🥰 my headcanon for his post-canon body is confirmed

Also why does Katniss keep allotting his strength to carrying bread trays around? Are they heavy? Why have I never once heard of people who carry bread trays being strong? I always thought Peeta was really strong because he learned to fight in order to defend himself against his mother but that’s probably wrong.

But if a mother is abusive, it can lead to one of the kids being physically violent as well and we know Peeta isn’t but he has two older brothers I’m gonna cut myself off now but I think we all smelled what I just stepped in.

Also I just find it so fascinating now how she regards herself vs Peeta here.

When talking about herself, she says, “The competition will be far beyond my abilities. [...] Oh, there'll be people like me, too. People to weed out before the real fun begins.” But when she talks about Peeta, she immediately says, “It would take an awful lot of weeping to convince anyone to overlook him.”

It’s just funny how she discounted herself right from the start but thought he was a real contender and then come to find out, Peeta believes it’s the exact opposite 😂🙃. They’re both so stupid I can’t even take it.

Wait did they actually give the location of the Capitol and the location of District Twelve in today’s world? And I just overlooked it? Brb I’m gonna go to google maps right quick.

Okay so basically what I gathered is the Capitol is probably in New Mexico and District Twelve is somewhere between Kentucky and Alabama. Irrelevant I know. But just a reminder now to everyone that Katniss and Peeta are literally speaking, crying and screaming in thick, backwoods southern accents.

It’s literally so sad how everything for Katniss is about food. Like every motive she has, every action she does is about preventing starvation ever again. 🤧🤧🤧

First mockingjay mention 🤭🤭.

“My father was particularly fond of mockingjays” 😭😭😭 I bet he was 😭😭😭😭

We always go on and on about how Katniss is a mockingjay or her children are mockingjays but Katniss herself here says mockingjays represent her father imma cry, y’all 😫😫😫😫

“It’s like having a piece of my father with me, protecting me” shut up shut up shut up shut up

Awww, Katniss has never had food like this before 😔😔😔

Neither has Peeta 🤧🤧

Katniss disliking the way Effie put the two kids from the year before down and so began to eat like a pig just to prove her point, is so her. And the beginning of her fighting for the underdog.

Omg the Rue introduction 🥺🥺🥺

Bahahahaha the commenters calling District Twelve backwards but charming 😅😅😅 they really are the hillbilly district

Peeta’s unexpected laugh 🥺🥺🥺 I love you, baby

“He was drunk. He’s drunk every year.” “Every day.” Katniss and Peeta are already finishing each other’s sentiments and teaming up to get on Effie’s nerves I love them so much 😍

Oh my God, Effie, you selfish jerk. They’re kids having fun for like one second, no need to throw in their faces they’re gonna die if the drunk won’t help them. I’d forgotten why I don’t really like the book version of her. I actually prefer her as comedic relief in the movies.

I actually just realized I really dislike Effie Trinket, I hope they never speak to her again Post-Mockingjay. Idc how you’re raised you don’t need to treat teenagers who are sentenced to a probable death badly just because they laughed at you 🙄🙄🙄😡😡😡😡. They didn’t even really laugh at her, she’s just annoying and awful, we don’t stan Effie in this household.

Okay, that’s all for my thoughts on chapter three! Until next time, y’all ! If anyone actually read this long mess of a post.

[larentsaloud]

Hana is just off...like a boy you have a crush on calls you ugly and destroys your cookies and you start stalking and drugging him! And abducting him and almost kiss (violation of body) thyme is bad, but if I place a regular high school kid...doubt people would feel much sorry for Hana. And after what she did to Gorya...you cannot comfortably be friends...I would not have the courage.

I know. Hana has the hallmarks of someone with serious mental disorders. I love to hate female villains as much as the next lesbian, Cruella de Ville, Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct or Jodie Comer from Killing Eve. I'm all about it. But Hana is just next level psycho and may I add with very poor execution.

Like why would she think, that

- Thyme would willingly give up Gorya after the escort incident

- Thyme would accept her AFTER she nearly had G k*lled?

Umm.

Crickets.

Her ability to read the room is like zero.

Like...let me go and have plastic surgery real quick ™️ BRB while I stalk the guy whom I want to prove I am amazing.

IDK. Have you ever had an ex whom you wanted to prove yourself to?

I sure have. But ya know one cools off after say a decade. LOL.

As you say, he called her ugly and crumbled her cookie.

So what? I've been bullied. Everyone has. It's kinda part of the human experience. She must have deep scars beyond this, that have been excavated and hostage triggered by his actions, otherwise I can rationalise it. Her logic does not logic at all.

Don't get me started on non-consensual kissing while passed out.

HUGE red flag.

Gorya and Thyme dealt with her well, actually both had much more compassion that I might have done.

The way she pretended to be Gorya's bestie. Pls. what a joke.

Alexa play Fake love by BTS.

[thedyingmoon]

💙 Chat Buddies ( ?! ) 💙

***

Day 6

***

~ Two days later ~

Nero: Kyrie

Kyrie: Nero? How did the mission go?

N: Its ok. Were on our way home.

K: Wait, is something bothering you?

N: Actually

N: Its abt Vergil

K: Nero!

N: I mean Dad!

N: Yeah its abt him

K: Did you two get into a fight?

N: No

N: Not that

N: I mean...

N: Yesterday before I left for the mission

N: I saw him talking on the phone w/ someone

K: Yes, and?

N: And hes

N: Ahhh......

K: Nero?

K: Are you okay? What's wrong?

N: Whats he doing now?

K: Wait for a moment, I'll check.

~ A few moments later ~

K: He's in the garden

N: Ok?

K: That's it.

N: Thats it?

K: Nero what are you trying to say?

N: Kyrie I know he spends a lot of time in the garden

N: What I mean is

N: Is he doing something else other than chilling there alone?

N: Kyrie?

N: Answer me pls

K: He's talking to someone on the phone.

N: Again?!

K: Nero it's only completely normal that he talks to someone on the phone every once in a while.

N: And if its the same person hes talking w/?

~ A few seconds later ~

N: Kyrie? Do u know something?

N: Kyrie

N: Pls I know u do

K: I do.

K: But, please. This is a secret. Don't you ever tell this to anyone!

N: Yes

K: Promise me!

N: Ok ok! I promise!

K: It's (Y/N). He's in love with (Y/N).

N: asdfghjkl

N: I KNEW IT! HES SMILING AND BLUSHING LIKE A TEENAGE IDIOT WHEN HES ON THE PHONE!!!!!!!!!!! ITS LIKE HIGH SCHOOL PUPPY LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! ITS FUCKING GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!

K: NERO! YOUR PROMISE!

N: OK OK I WONT TELL ANYONE! RELAX!

K: Okay...

N: Ill see u later

~ Later that day ~

Nico: Yo yo Lady!

Lady: What is it? I'm busy rn!

N: It's Vergil!

L: What about him?

N: He's in love! I N L O V E !!!!!!!!!

N: ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

L: WHAT?! W/ WHO?!

N: (Y/N)!!!!!

L: WHAT?! Okay, hol up a min

~ A few moments later ~

L: Ok, pls explain.

N: So, I found out from Nero that Vergil's been talkin to (Y/N) on the phone and smilin like a maniac

L: You found out?

N: Yeah

L: From Nero?

N: OKAY! OKAY!

N: I snatched psycho's phone and read Kyrie's message

L: Nico that's rude!

N: Well, too late! The secret's out!

L: What's Vergil doing again?

N: Smilin like a maniac!

L: OH SHIT! DON'T TELL ME! HE'S!!!!!!!!!!

N: I KNOW!!!!!!!!! AND NERO SAYS ITS GROSS!!!!!!!!!!

N: 👉👌

N: 💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦

L: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

L: I KNEW IT!!!!!!!! I KNEW THERE'S SOMETHING OFF ABOUT HIM WHEN (Y/N) LEFT DEVIL MAY CRY TO GO TO FRANCE!!!!!!!

N: TOTALLY!!!!!!!!!

N: - sends a gif -

L: 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

L: Oh!!!!

L: Trish must know this!!!!!

L: brb

N: 👌

~ A few moments later ~

L: Hey, Trish.

Trish: If this is about the blouse then I'm afraid I can't let you have it now. I'm sorry.

L: Not the blouse!

L: Listen!

L: Vergil is doing u know what while thinking of (Y/N)

T: I'm sorry, what?

L: Oh come on! Don't act like u don't know!

L: 👉👌

L: 💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦

T: Are you sure?

L: Totally! Nico told me Nero told her that Kyrie saw him! And she said it's gross!

T: OMG

L: I KNOW!!!!

T: Wait wait wait

T: Are you sure about this?

L: Totally 101.99% legit!

T: I'll just confirm it

T: Brb

L: K

~ A few seconds later ~

T: Dante.

Dante: Wait wait wait Trish! I haven't earned enough to pay. You can come again tomorrow.

D: Adios!!!

T: Listen to me, pizza head!

T: Is Vergil obsessed with (Y/N)?

D: Oh! That!

D: Of course he is!

T: How can you tell?

D: Well he's my brother, señorita. I can tell when he wants to shag someone.

T: Shag.

T: Really, Dante?

D: Yeah

D: Yknow sometimes he talks in his dreams, like,

D: (Y/N)! (Y/N)! That feels so good! Ah! Oh! Like that.

D: 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

T: ... okay?

D: Eh why are u asking anyway?

T: That exactly.

T: It seems Vergil is in need of good, ah, shagging.

T: Lady told me that Nico told her that Nero told her about Kyrie's message.

D: Whoa whoa whoa! Come again?

T: Your twin brother has been fantasizing about (Y/N) night and day.

D: Ah

D: I'm not even surprised

D: You mean Kyrie caught Verg in the act?

T: Seems like it.

T: And she said it's gross.

D: Oh mi lord of heavens above.

D: That poor man is needy as hell!

T: Ah, Dante?

D: I know! I have a brilliant idea!

T: What are you planning?

D: ;)

T: Dante?

T: Pizza head?

T: UGH!!!!

T: OKAY I'M TOTALLY NOT AMUSED BY BEING SEENZONED HERE!

T: DANTE!!!

~ A few seconds later ~

T: AAAAHHHH!!!!!!

T: I HATE YOU!!!!!

- TheBewitchingDevilMiss has left the conversation. -

~ What in the fiery armpits of hell did just happen to today's totally brainless conversation between adult idiots? Will Kyrie realize the gravity and consequence of letting Nero in on "the secret"? And, finally, what is pizza head Dante planning for Vergil Sparda and SSSexy(Y/N)? Find out,... on the next chapter! ~

***

💙💙💙

***

[lenteur]

you're so precious !!! i'm sorry i've been away for a couple of days, work is really busy because it's christmas time and ugh STRESS

i'd love my job more if some customers weren't so rude all the time. i had an absolutely horrible call today with a guy who thought that trying to intimidate me was the way to go. (he didn't get far but he really got on my nerves.....) i wish some people were nicer to employees :( honestly i don't know what i want to do as like, a full time thing. i'm interested in a lot of crime stuff (not committing crime but solving it!) 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

maybe a bit of both?? 💕🥺 you're so sweet omg!! :(

oh my god SAME, i share ur pain 😭

it definitely does :( whenever i get into a new group, i always like to read about them so i can get to know a little bit about them (and see who shares my mbti or birthday if possible haha) and on kpop profiles, they always have their little "who's your bias" poll at the bottom. i get curious all the time and i just vote on them to see, and it's hurtful when i see one member has like 50k+ votes and the member at the bottom will have a couple hundred thousand :( i honestly hope no k-pop group ever reads into these because they can be damaging :( i mean, i know we all have our favourites but i love all members of every group i'm into equally. no one is least liked than the others <3

i'm definitely the same when i get into a new group, i have to paste the names into google to make sure i'm spelling them correctly 🤣 that's okay!!!! i forgive you in advance 💗

i'm EXACTLY THE SAME. my favourite show is criminal minds and every time i see the killer coming towards someone, i'm like LOOK OUT and then when someone gets hurt, i turn to my boyfriend like "HOW DARE THEY NOT LISTEN TO ME YELLING" 🤣 i think i am the worst person to watch things with. in the cinema, i'm as quiet as a mouse but in my own house, i do talk through things (unless the other person tells me to shut up)

i signed up to a stray kids secret santa and i followed this person who liked one of my gifs and then two minutes later i got an ask saying "this person is your secret santa" AND IT WAS THE PERSON I FOLLOWED !!!! like what r the chances <333 we became moots but they don't know it's me............. i hope.........

i hope we can definitely keep in touch once i've revealed myself <3 ily already, you're just so lovely and even though i'm a ball of crippling anxiety, i LOVE talking to you ❤ you made my heart SMILEEEEEE, i am sending you the biggest virtual HUG EVER 💚🥰

YES to all of those groups !!!! it'll never happen but i want a 2NE1 cb. my heart still hopes, i was OBSESSED with them !!!! was literally listening to "pirate" when i saw you liked everglow. they're so so underrated 🙄

their debut song was probably one of those songs where i was like what the hell is going on >.< i really did not like o.o, it wasn't until i watched their perf at mama that i was like THIS IS CATCHY :( loona deserve better honestly :((

also.... i have to ask...... do you like cats 🐈

(i know. u are the highlight of mine (brb kinda sobbing bc ur so sweet)

—svt secret santa 🎅 🎁🎄

It's okay 🤗🥰 you never have to apologise for something like that. Especially because you're braver than the marines for working in service (from what I've gathered 🧐🤔) I'm so sorry you have to deal with people like that man 💔 I don't know why people seem to think shouting and threatening is the way to go... I think the best way to make others understand you and help you with your problem is to be nice and cordial to them 💓 At least, that's the way I see things. And, whenever I go to a shop, I always try to compliment the people working there so their day isn't all sadness and frustration ♥️ Sending you good vibes and giving you big hugs for the holiday season 🫂💙💪

Yeah, especially for nugu groups, you'll only have one or two popular members (aka the ones they send on a bunch of shows to make the group more known) but the rest will be forgotten 😭😭😭 I've learnt to not look at those surveys and go on with my life 💕

Oh 👀👀👀 I see you're a fellow criminal minds enjoyer 😊 I think this is a big clue as to who you are 🤭🧐👀 Who's you favourite? If I had to guess, I'd say Dr Reid (is that how you spell his name?). Let me know if I'm wrong 🤭 Mine is Penelope and I really like her little flirtations with Derek (I hope that's his name 🤞 it's been a while since I last watched an episode) I don't watch it as often now because I used to have nightmares about the killers 😭💔 TMI TMI !!! And, I'm the same 🤣 I can't help but comment every single thing on a show I'm watching on TV (I got that from my mom 💕) but at the cinema, I'm the one getting mad when there's someone talking 😭🤣 Call that duality if you will 🤣🤣🤣

No way 😳🤯 What are the chances of that happening? I would've been so shook if I was you 😱 I wouldn't know what to do 🤣 Hopefully the stayblr secret Santa event is going well for you 💞 I don't know how you manage to juggle with two events at once wow! I always stuck to only one because, knowing myself, I'll mix things up and then the one reviving my messages would wonder if I'm okay 🤣🤣🤣😭

Awee 🥺🥺🥺 the feeling is mutual 💓 You're so sweet and fun and kind and I can't wait to know more about you 🫶 Sending you the biggest virtual hug back bestie 🫂

Even if they never have a cb, I'll consider the Coachella reunion like their last ot4 comeback... The lengths we go to as blackjacks to keep hope 💔 Literally when you sent me the mouse game episode, it was already in my recommended videos on yt 😱 I was so shocked! And I see we both like everglow 👀 We were meant to be 🫂💓 I would've followed you and we would still be besties, even without this event 💖 I can't wait to have a nickname specifically made for you 🥰 with an emoji as well

Kind of a controversial opinion but o.o was kinda okay for me. I mean it's certainly not the best song that I've ever heard but I did enjoy it a bit ☺️ Still would've preferred if the entire song sounded like the second verse but yeah, I did enjoy it haha

Uh do I like cats? Is that even a question? OF COURSE I DO 😍😘🐈 (the caps were necessary because I had to show you how serious I am about my love for cats) I actually plan on adopting one 💗 But I have to see if my apartment and the area where I live match with the cat. I don't want to make a rushed decision. I want to give it the best conditions ever 💖 Do YOU have cats? If so, what are their names? I would've asked for pictures but you can't send them on anon 😔💔 I'll ask for some when you reveal yourself 🥰

You're so sweet too 🥺😭 I don't care if I look like a fool rn you're too kind and adorable and precious to not smile and feel warm all over 💖

Wishing you a lovely weekend and a lot of fun for the holidays ☺️💕

[wingwisher]

I wonder how different our life would be if we didn't seem to remember literally everything. So many insignificant moments are bundled up in our brain, as well as some extremely meaningful ones that weren't meaningful to the others involved.

I remember first meeting someone I'm still a little bit in love with, who I quit being friends with during a fight shortly after they converted to presbyterianism, I fell in love with them the day we met, and love them still. I never want to speak to them again because neither of us treated each other well and they had what seemed to me horrible reasons for believing all the same things we did. I remember crying for months after they said "brb" then disappeared for 3/4 of a year.

I remember probably our best friend growing up, how we liked damn near all the same things he did, and enjoyed every last moment spent with him. I remember how his mother didn't like me for some reason I still can't understand. I remember the time he got in trouble for putting something on top of the lawn sprinkler while we were over, and we were made to go home because of it even though we didn't do anything wrong. I remember the passion we had designing an imaginary space station while jumping on the trampoline. I remember him scowling at us for a reason we never understood when we said hi after not being allowed to see him for years.

I remember the recurring nightmare we had about running down the street, trying to escape the 2 lane wide giant vehicle trying to chase us down. I remember the recurring nightmare of being buckled into the car seat in the van our gene donors had, not being strong enough to open the button to get out, and then the van starts rolling, and my cries for help were ignored. I remember the recurring dream we were confused by at the time, of the older sibling there to protect us, in the top tubes of a three-floor-tall tube play structure. I remember being confused why they wanted to take us away from our gene donors, why they hated them so much, confused why they wouldn't explain why they wanted to get us away from them so bad. I remember the recurring nightmare of our abusers taking us to a department store to be sold, and absolutely forbidding us from going to the electronics section to play the videogames while waiting to be purchased. I remember the time we woke up without our dream ending, and could see the dream when our eyes were closed, until we opened both.

I remember waking up as a three year old and going down a checklist of things we needed to know to be us, the upcoming events, our name, age, and birthday, our favorite color, the names of the cats. I remember opening our eyes after and everything was normal, specifically I remember not really recalling anything vividly before that day. We now recall that day as when we first split. I know now the reason for said split.

I remember hearing our gene donors gossip about us every night. I remember getting lost in the woods and the first to come to try and help being our only actual parent, the pet cat of the people who were our legal guardians. I remember the odd holes in memory, where people would say we did things we were pretty sure we couldn't have. I remember getting punished for not apologizing to someone who punched me in the head so hard my head was still feeling light. I remember so much pointless cruelty directed at us over so many years. And how everyone always decided we were at fault because we reacted to the abuse.

I remember that time I found a cool rock that looked like a piece of cut chalk, but would sooner scratch cement than be scratched itself. I remember what our girlfriend said the day we started going out, I remember the relief I felt knowing she was with us instead of going back to her ex who only wanted her back after seeing the present she got him for Christmas, after dumping her Christmas Eve. I remember when we first found out we were "we" not "I" the sudden quiet, like a room full of people who didn't know they were screaming all quieted town and started taking turns speaking. The feeling of a knot not coming undone but the ropes sliding effortlessly past each other to come apart.

I remember the first time we enjoyed a cold shower, and were shocked by the sounds we made. I remember the strange feelings we had for someone growing up that we only in this past year or two realized was our first crush. I remember the bleak haze of our mid teens when smiles were rare and enjoyment nearly always just surface level. I remember that haze coming down again last year. I remember the first time I put sandpaper against my face as a child. I remember being frustrated by not being trusted with things I could easily do, and being chided for not asking for help with things I had no clue how to accomplish, and not being given the help I needed even when I did ask. I remember the taste of the water from the electric well where I grew up, and I remember the day our metabolism completely and permanently changed overnight. I remember spending 8 hours making something for a friend after dreaming about her, I remember the first time I ordered soup at a medium spice level as a beverage for the extremely spicy food I ordered. I remember so many things, these weren't all firsts, or important, they were simply listed for being easy to describe.

I remember damn near every conversation with every person I've ever met, and certainly all the ones I've had with people who are likely to see this. I don't think people understand quite how much they mean to us. Even if we've only talked once I can assure you it was deeply meaningful to us and I love you for it.

[mysterystarz]

KEINOVA: stellar reunion

trope: strangers to lovers (kinda), college au synopsis: you keep finding cryptic sticky notes left in the astronomy textbooks in the reference section, only signed with “K”. who is it and why are you starting to fall in love with this “K” person when you’ve never seen them... or have you?

» keiji had a habit of seeking solace in the reference section of the library before he started working on his assignments between classes

» he had a particular affinity for astronomy textbooks because the cosmos fascinated him

» so he started writing little messages on sticky notes and leaving them in the textbooks in that section for someone else to find, not that he expected a response at all — after all, nobody really went to the reference section, much less read astronomy textbooks for fun

» one day you wandered into the same section of that library — you wanted to browse the fiction books but it was your first time at that specific library on campus

» one particular astronomy textbook seemed to catch your eye and you opened it — you were surprised to find a folded lilac-colored sticky note fall out of from between the pages

» you unfolded it and it read, “why do some people say ‘the sun and the stars’? don’t they know that the sun is also a star?” it was only signed with “K”, and the date on the sticky note was from a few weeks ago

» you were a bit baffled as to why “the sun is also a star” was italicized, but then it hit you — could it be? was he hinting to something else in the library?

» you frantically scrambled to the fiction section of the library, whispering the dewey call number like a mantra

» you finally got to the end of the row of shelves, author last names W-Z — the book the sun is also a star by nicola yoon stood out to you like a sore thumb

» flipping through the pages of the book at a lighting speed, another lilac sticky note fell out. it was signed with “K” and written in the same handwriting, dated the same date as the previous sticky note

» this one read, “many know of the little prince that lived long ago, but few know of a little princess that fell in love with him.” since the latter title was in italics, you decided to look for that book because you assumed all the titles with clues were italicized

» once again, you searched through the shelves for frances hodgson burnett, and you found it right next to a secret garden

» just like that, you followed the trail of italicized book titles and read the sticky notes until you were led back to the reference section

» the last sticky note ended up being in the textbook right next to the astronomy book you found the first note in

» upon opening the last folded sticky note, it read, “why is it that you bake cookies and cook bacon?”

» you burst out laughing — you didn’t know whether it was the message left on the last note or the fact that you spent the last hour or so going around the library in one giant circle

» you decided to make a trail of your own, signing the notes with "nova" and leaving your first sticky note where the last one was and having the clues lead back to the astronomy textbook

» your last note read, “true but have you considered baking bakies and cooking cookon? p.s. your note made me laugh so loudly the librarian had to shush me i hate you >:(”

» was it some form of petty payback? yes, but it was worth it

» especially when you got your answer in the same book a few days later: “you actually had me believe bakies and cookons were a thing -.- smh i’ll get you back for that >:/”

» and just like that, you and akaashi started sending sticky notes back and forth — the trail of clues weren’t nearly as long as the first one, but it served as more like book recommendations for each other — and you two also shared some of the happenings in your lives or some deep musings you had

» you felt like you could tell them anything and they wouldn’t judge you for it — “K” would even cheer you on if you were having a particularly stressful time with assignments or if you had an exam coming up

» slowly over the next few months, you felt like you knew this “K” personally even though you had never met them before

» apparently the reason why you two had never crossed paths before was because “K” had morning classes while you had evening classes — he had an internship at a nearby manga studio in the evenings

» also, during that time, you also started to notice this particular black-haired guy with glasses and an impeccable sense of fashion all around campus — he was attractive, you weren’t going to deny that, but something about him caught your attention for some reason

» every time you’d walk past him, you’d wonder what major he was, the brand of cologne he use, the types of book he’d read, everything

» it wasn’t until one fateful day near the end of the second semester — you went to the library as usual hoping to find more notes from this mysterious “K” person

» the notes had become more sporadic over the past few weeks because finals season was coming up, and everyone was busy studying in hopes of passing their courses

» but when you got to the reference section, you were surprised to see the same guy you saw everywhere on campus sitting on the floor with lilac sticky notes beside him

» could it be?!, you thought. at first you thought it was probably a coincidence, since the campus book center also sold the notepads in the same color (albeit they were incredibly overpriced)

» your mouth spoke before your brain caught up with your words: “K?”

» akaashi looked up at you with curious eyes, cocking his head to the side like a puppy. “you couldn’t have known that... unless you’re— nova?!”

» you were too speechless to say anything, so you just nodded vigorously and sat down beside him

» “what’re you reading, uh, K?” you asked him. it felt kind of awkward now that he was sitting right in front of you and his real name was probably something other than an alias on a sticky note

» “call me keiji,” he responded with a soft smile. “here, i’m reading the seven wonders of the world.”

» you eyed the notepad next to him on the floor. “i see. are you taking notes?”

» “i was, until you came along.”

» “... what do you mean? i’m not sure i follow.”

» “i’d think i have to add your name to the list.” he pulled out a sharpie from his pocket and uncapped it with his teeth (which you thought was pretty sexc ngl)

» he wrote your name on a sticky note, peeled it off from the stack, and stuck it to the back of the book. “this can be our little secret,” he said with a wink.

» you brain just... kind of short-circuited at that point — you were secretly sending notes back and forth with the most attractive guy on campus for months and now he’s here in the flesh actually flirting with you ?!?!!!?!?!

» apparently you were freaking out so much to the point where you missed the part where he asked you out on a cafe date after finals season was over

» you just frantically nodded and he assumed it was a yes

TWO MONTHS LATER

» finals season ended and you made it a point to hang out with akaashi at least once a week; the two of you hit it off immediately and it just felt natural to be around him

» one day, when you were on a nice picnic in the park with him, he asked, “enjoying this date, nova?”

» you didn’t get the memo that you two were a thing yet, just friends who’d kissed... more than a couple of times and did couple stuff all the time

» “wait what— since when were we dating?!”

» now both of you were confused until he told you that he asked you out that day you first met in the library

» you had no idea that happened since your mind was racing a million miles a minute when it happened

» you didn’t really hear what he said so you just nodded in hopes of it being a valid answer

» after you told akaashi your side of the story, he just burst out laughing

» both of you collapsed in a fit of laughter and everyone else in the park looked at you two like you went crazy

» but it was probably one of the best days of your life considering the guy who you had a crush on reciprocated your feelings

» he’d never let you live it down, though — he would bring it up at every family reunion thereafter

» it was okay since the day that you found the notes in the book in the library and met him months later was fate — it was a fated reunion of wandering stars pulled into each others’ orbits

i'm so sorry nova this is hot shit but i hope you enjoyed reading this <3 dumblr is a bastard and i had to rewrite this like 2 times but ily nova u3u i hope you liked this very very belated au swap TwT

SILLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I KNOW I SCREAMED ABOUT THIS ON DISC BUT OMG THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS EVER XIANXKAKXKAMDMSMDMD I HAVE RE-READ IT LIKE FIFTEEN TIMES NOW 🥺🥺🥺😩😩🥰🥰🥰🥰🤩🤩🤩🤩💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨✨ thank you so much for writing this for me <333

brb this masterpiece belongs on my selfships masterlist rn

[heleont]

this guy sunny i saw on tinder had a bunch of songs,, so pt1!

it's super soft! nice. smells like pumpkin, looks like wheat stalks dancing.

it's not what i usually go for bc i hate indie like korean indie? makes my head fucking hurt and i used to listen to a lot of keshi like a lot and like k indie playlists by this guy on youtube danielions and ugh i cant it's so bad my favorite song was leavin' tomorrow though idr the artist name

anyways this isn't as soft as indie so i guess it's better for me

voices are also super important to me like if you have a really breathy voice i wont like the song

abd this guy's voice is weird like the first time i listened i was going to tap out bc it's like weird like it sounds like squeezing??

anyways

it also reminded me of the aot ed the one ugh what's it called ill brb

yuugure no tori it's the one where it's like drawings and the past and stuff and it's creepy the first time i watched it i had to stop bc i got scared

not that that means anything bc i get freaked out so much it's not even funny

HAHA no one but my close friends know though bc when i'm out w someone like let's say we're at the movies and they're like kya let's see a horror movie what am i going to say,, no? so in the bathroom i'll read up on it and the scary parts first and if there aren't any reviews/i don't have time i'll j stare right at the bottom corner whenever i feel like there's going to be a scare and these bitches are like wow!! you're so cool and like yeah i know but please

anyways

this song is pretty good it's a solid ⅗ sunflowers

OH MY GOD okay super quick the album cover also has sunflowers which drives me nuts i hate sunflowers

like they're cool?? ig???? but the black part the middle the bit w the seeds it's too large it feels like it's staring at me

plus the petals the yellow petals theyre too small and too many and i used to live in a house where the next door neighbor grew sunflowers on his front yard and it was like a conjoined one can i draw on this app??

yeah i can so the sunflowers would be right there everytime i wanted to go into or out of my house and they were huge and bees everywhere and ik theyre good whatever whatever but?? dont let them near me fuck that

and these flowers sometimes the stalks would break and they'd fall onto my side of the sidewalk and it was a whole thing and id jump down to the parking space and go around it ugh

[kumarvarun13]

LOVER INITIAL LISTEN TRACK BY TRACK

1- i forgot that you existed

this so literally so cute. homegirl said bye bitch. SHES SHITTING ON CALVIN HARRIS!! OMG IM LITERALLY GOING CRAZY. SHES SAID I WENT TK YOUR SHOW EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ELSE DID. SHES GIGGLING. SHES SAYING CALVIN HARRIS IS IRRELEVANT. LOVE THAT.

2-cruel summer

come in production. i'm actually getting chills now. the chorus sounds so pretty. this sounds like if 1989 and reputation had a baby. *chefs kiss* that bridge. is. so. heartbreaking.

3- lover

brb i'm just going to go find a man/woman fall in love and get married k bye. this bridge is making me cry. for the 23rd time today. bc i cry at how cute this is. ILL SAVE A SEAR FOR YOU AT SVERY TABLE!! this woman is an amazing writer. and the vocal and harmonies are *chefs kiss*

4-the man

come in complexity. YES A BOSS ASS BITCH. alpha type hell yeah. this is such a bop. my ass is shaking in my bed. IF I WAS A MAN ID BE T H E MAN. we love a hard working queen. she's literally not saying a single thing wrong. women are so powerful like men could never. SHE SAID BITCHES. I- ID BE A BITCH NOT A... she's pissed at men bc we suck. i know. i'm sorry. well this is a song i can't play at work. and i oop. this production is so cool. jack? you did that if this is you. oh it fades out. so pretty

5- the archer

fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuckkkkk.

i'm going to cry now. not the speeches. fuck he drums are coming in. i'll start taylor *cries* the pre chorus is so good. like. ugh. all of my hero's die all alone. who thinks of that. like. so powerful. also still not over the they see right through me part. fuck it's humpty dumpty. all of my enemies started out friends. i can with her. and i've listened to this song for exactly a month. i know what happens and i'm still shocked. ugh *chefs kiss*

6-i think he knows

what in the ass shaking is this. my ass can't stop shaking. she's so cute. yes taylor. spit barzz. that falsetto. this is my favorite chorus so far. i'm only on track 6. i have 12 tracks. this is so groovy. yes sing those ad libs. the HARMONIES UGH. BREAK IT DOWN. love this so much. one of my favs. she's slowing down. please tell me she picks it up again. she is. it's coming. this is my favorite so far. updates to come

7-miss americana and the heartbreak prince

oh this is slowing down. what in the reputation. this is so good. she's talking about the dark times. this is so complex. so much is going through my head. i love the screaming. THE STRINGS. she's a bad bad girl.

8-paper rings

stay stay stay is shaking. this is red. red is back. this is going to be so cute on tour. i want a paper ring. this is stay stay stay part 2. someone make me a paper ring. yee haw 🤠🤠this is such a fun song. i love the key change. so good. i want your dreary monday's. ID MARRY YOU WITH PAPER RINGS. INCANT. SHES IN FUCKING LOVE. LIKE SO IN LOVE.

9-cornelia street

this production. this is so simple but so powerful. this chorus. silence to the beat picking up. this is so cute. this isn't about joe. is it? wait. they almost broke up. and then they didn't. this such a beauty. omg i'm starting to tear up. this is good. wait it's not over. that bridge has the same tune as invisible. this is what everyone thought the album after 1989 would sound like. it's a more mature 1989. this is so deep

10-death by a thousand cuts

what's happening. the guitar. the pop. omg. this is the morning after a breakup. she's literally going through all the phases in love. omg. i don't know. this is a really pretty song. this is her facing the reality of what happened. this is giving me a thousand years vibes. idk why but it is. this is so good. i'll be alright. this is taking the spot for my favorite(sorry track 6)

11-london boy

this is literally already so good. this is joe's song. omg she's in love. DARLING I FANCY YOU. she's talking all about london. she's putting a fake british accent for some words or is that just me making it up? either way. this is so good. shout out to london. this might be my favorite production so far. it's different.

12-soon you'll get better(ft. the dixie chicks)

shit.

13-false god

what's with the sax. the sax is actually really nice. false god = a toxic relationship or the hard parts. this is a really good song. this is the coffee shop taylor i want. this is really good

14-you need to calm down

my ass is shaking again. damn it's 7 am. SHADE NEVER MADE ANYBODY LESS GAY. WE ALL GOT CROWNS YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.

15-afterglow

this is mellow production with such amazing and complex lyrics. i love this. my heart dropped. this is so good. i love the flow of the pre chorus. this is a pretty chorus. this is the baby that wildest dreams and out of the woods had after 1989. this stripped back bridge with her vocals and just the drums this is going to be a favorite.

16- me!(feat. brendon urie of panic! at the disco)

i like the song. not my favorite. but the placement of the song within the album is def a plus. it's really fits where it's placed. is "hey kids spelling is fun!" in the final album version? let's see. it's coming.... THEY TOOK IT OUT. i actually liked that part. it was cute and made the song less serious and much more of a fun song. plus it fit with the lyrics in the bridge.

17-it's nice to have a friend

idk how to feel about the steel drums. tbd. this is a simple song. very taylor and a simple beat. i actually like that. come in trumpet. this is a very calming song. the chorus oohs are really nice.

18-daylight

oh this is nice. this is really nice. it's a self reflection. i sounded the good and trusted the wicked. that's deep. this is really good. a nice closer to the album. oh it's picking up. love is golden. this is good. a good good closer. i love this final chorus. step into the daylight and let it go. this voice note ending. it's so raw. and personal. and an insight.

final thoughts: this might her best work. lyrically and production wise. there's not a song i didn't like at first listen. i know there is one song (track 11) i probably won't listen to that much because of how emotional it made me.

my initial top 5:

1. death by a thousand cuts

2. i think he knows

3. afterglow

4. paper rings

5. the archer