heleont

[heleont]

adore you - miley cyrus

someone i know told me i had an agape sort of love for her. the kind of love a knight has for his king.

a little ridiculous and off topic, but at the time i was a massive weeb and could only think about yuri on ice.

i met her when i was seven or eight and we'd play, scrabbling under furniture and pretending to be cats.

i met you again in school--i'd almost forgotten you. but your eyes are something special: i've never seen anything like them before. how can i describe them? the color of your irises are as common as dandelions; no, the color of your eyes are not what set them apart.

i think it was just the way you looked at everything. your eyes were big and round and you always seemed a little surprised.

and we had grape juice in wine glasses and boston kremes in paper bags and, hey, do you remember when we got gelato? i was so nervous about going into that store because i had no idea what to expect. i clammed up and the owner thought i was mute! i wish i was making this up.

but i had fun. writing conversations connected by arrows on a sheet of reinforced looseleaf paper are my favorite memories of you.

and then you said that friendships are only good for gifts and money--i was confused and a little hurt. is that all i meant to you? i look back now and wonder why you thought that.

and i was hurt again when you said you didn't

didn't want to listen to my opinion--my thoughts--and that my place was to just listen to yours.

and it'd been building for a while. my hurt. so i just. hung up. and the moon stared at me through the skylight and i didn't really care. i listened to the voicemails you sent me, the ones full of tears and apologies and

and i just couldn't care less.

i'd like to see you again. it's been five years? six? since i've seen you last. maybe we can share a chocolate sponge cake at the bakery on the corner.

[heleont]

honesty - pinksweat$

when we jumped down from the bridge

i can still remember your laughter and the way you teased alex for being afraid

i'd already jumped down--i was waiting below, pretending my ankles didn't tingle and burn

i want to jump with you again

the grass was so green and the cheesy fries we had afterwards were sour and the bus ride home was so comfortably quiet and i could imagine myself dozing off on your shoulder

i would never do that, though. that's not really our relationship. and on an even bigger note, to pretend to fall asleep in order to touch someone is...kind of pathetic. i've done it before, so i know. she was sweet, and let it happen. but i still kick the blankets when i think about it--why didn't i just ask to hold your hand?

it was bright, bright, the sun up overhead but not blinding--and the trees gave us shade and so did the building we were behind.

i wish i could've shown you the garden just around the corner; you can climb over the fence if you go all the way to the wall because there's a little ledge you can use. there are cats that come by sometimes. there are two in particular i remember--this calico that hung out inside the shed, especially on top of the planters, and the orange cat that isn't really afraid of people.

this song feels like we should be in the in between. sunset or sunrise. somewhere in between the day and the night. but that's what we were, weren't we? in between--we never really stepped far into either territory--friends and lovers.

could we have had something?> i remember the way you smell, still. sweat sticking your shirt to your skin, sticking me to you. it should've been gross, i guess, but i was too breathless to realize. your arms held me tightly and i was so warm.

and we haven't spoken in four years, i know, but still i await the day i can jump into those arms again.

[heleont]

liked songs pt2

i don't want to miss a thing - aerosmith

it's the dawn of the end of the world. and i know it's a cliche as fuck sentence but i literally couldn't care less

it's just so unfair

unfair that you look so sweet asleep

and i know that when you wake you'll be the fiercest person alive but just for now, just for until the sky is blue, can i just watch you like this?

[heleont]

liked songs pt1

ring ring - sik-k, gaeko

it's raining right now, really really hard.

i dreamt of a panther yesterday asleep with the one whom i feel for the most

my ears are ringing and i can't tell if it's because of my new piercings or my oh what's that condition called when your ears ring? kyphosis?

if i think of you i'll call you, can you just pick up?

ring ring, ring ring, ring ring,

may i hit you up?

i'll ask politely so can i hit you up?

i'm sure that we match well, unless you're pretending to like the same things as me

your room smells like clary sage because i bought you that scent

i bought you that diffuser too, didn't i?

i like clary sage, smells clean and green

you live nearby now so why's it feel harder to talk to you?

i could just get up and walk up to your door

it's late but it'd be worth that half an hour of walking because i know you'd open your door and i'd end up with your arms around em which had grown bonier i'd notice and you light blue shirt which isn't light blue, really, it's more of an ocean teal and your hair's grown longer and i want to be here until it grows as long as it did senior year of high school

[heleont]

THIS GUY

ok so i listened to him like,, forever ago like 2yrs ago? let me check

yeah it came out in 2019 so like

summer of 2019

i listened to him every day all the time my favorite song was about last night i can still hear the intro

but the lyrics

the melody

i have no clue it's like not even funny

i looked up the lyrics and i recognize the words but the melody is just gone i have absolutely no idea

i stopped listening to him when he took all the songs off of spotify a while ago so ive j been,, deprived

actually i left glitter on one of my playlists so it comes up sometimes and ill be pleasantly surprised

but the growing pains album??!?! gone. anf im so sad

i actually heard him live i was at a keshi concert with one of my friends and ugh he did so well and i was so hyped omg

keshi was ok ig but like?? idk it's a little too edgy for me

lmaoaoa i say that as if i dont listen to freddie dredd and killstation

[heleont]

damn not me not understanding how tumblr tags work like

ive been tagging shit like insta idk how tf this shit works i went on the #musicrambling tag and there was a post there bc someone rambled abt bill and ted face the music it's insane

[heleont]

sunny pt.4

uhh? ig this is cool not my type though

the voice is isnt it for me it sounds like their throat is super tight if ykwim? makes me lightheaded

the beginning was cool though the entering a forest glade where the vines are coated with ice but the grass is green and the plants are super leafy

youre barefooted and the strands of grass in between your toes make you smile and the dew in the air ripple as you move forward

the ground is soft and the breath of the earth is present in this place

[heleont]

sunny pt.3

september song

wind rushing through my hair i feel like a disney princess, falling, falling, falling not for a prince but for the wind

yellow bright yellow ginko leaves theyre the color of the album cover i guess theyre scattered around and i have a cold so i cant smell them but it's okay that i cant smell the fresh september air because ginkos smell like shit

sitting in the silence

silence is nice it's nice it's in subways at 6:45am when the sun is just rising and we've just pulled out of main street station and we're out of the tunnel and the sunlight is streaming in and all you hear is the huffing and puffing of the train

no one is speaking some are already asleep though it's been barely two minutes since we departed the station and you smile at two students they look about fourteen and theyre sitting next to each other eyes blinking slowly slowly dozing

doze is the perfect word for moments like this and i remember the first day of senior year when i fought with my sister and we rode into school on different train cars and i saw two brothers one sitting one standing and the younger one was about seven and the older one was about fifteen and he was standing holding onto the ceiling railing with one hand and holding his baby brother's hand in the other and the baby was falling asleep dozing theres that word again and i teared up because i didnt get to do that with my sister because we were never super close even though we're only two years apart

anyways cute song!!1!1!1!1!1 eight watered down coffees out of ten

[heleont]

sunny pt.2

it sounds like late summer and an eye-crinkling smile

like when you're laying on the roof of your porch thats connected to the second floor window

the first step you take makes the metal creak and groan and you think the roof is going to break bc you know it's old but it doesnt and two minutes later youre sitting there laying there and looking at the stars because for some reason the stars are super super bright today

and my best friend next to me i feel so happy and i know this is an important memory i know i know i know and even when we're far apart i'll think about this whenever i see stars overhead on a late summer night.

[heleont]

TRUE whenever i go to my best friend's house they give me soft pajama pants and sometimes i'll take a shirt and🥴

i love them so much

why is sharing clothes so intimate like.. bro…. are you cold… here…. borrow my sweatshirt… it smells like the brand of washing powder i use…. a little glimpse into the oddly private domesticity of my own life bro…. its still warm from where i knotted it around my waist (i dont feel the cold)… here bro… take it…

[heleont]

this guy sunny i saw on tinder had a bunch of songs,, so pt1!

it's super soft! nice. smells like pumpkin, looks like wheat stalks dancing.

it's not what i usually go for bc i hate indie like korean indie? makes my head fucking hurt and i used to listen to a lot of keshi like a lot and like k indie playlists by this guy on youtube danielions and ugh i cant it's so bad my favorite song was leavin' tomorrow though idr the artist name

anyways this isn't as soft as indie so i guess it's better for me

voices are also super important to me like if you have a really breathy voice i wont like the song

abd this guy's voice is weird like the first time i listened i was going to tap out bc it's like weird like it sounds like squeezing??

anyways

it also reminded me of the aot ed the one ugh what's it called ill brb

yuugure no tori it's the one where it's like drawings and the past and stuff and it's creepy the first time i watched it i had to stop bc i got scared

not that that means anything bc i get freaked out so much it's not even funny

HAHA no one but my close friends know though bc when i'm out w someone like let's say we're at the movies and they're like kya let's see a horror movie what am i going to say,, no? so in the bathroom i'll read up on it and the scary parts first and if there aren't any reviews/i don't have time i'll j stare right at the bottom corner whenever i feel like there's going to be a scare and these bitches are like wow!! you're so cool and like yeah i know but please

anyways

this song is pretty good it's a solid ⅗ sunflowers

OH MY GOD okay super quick the album cover also has sunflowers which drives me nuts i hate sunflowers

like they're cool?? ig???? but the black part the middle the bit w the seeds it's too large it feels like it's staring at me

plus the petals the yellow petals theyre too small and too many and i used to live in a house where the next door neighbor grew sunflowers on his front yard and it was like a conjoined one can i draw on this app??

yeah i can so the sunflowers would be right there everytime i wanted to go into or out of my house and they were huge and bees everywhere and ik theyre good whatever whatever but?? dont let them near me fuck that

and these flowers sometimes the stalks would break and they'd fall onto my side of the sidewalk and it was a whole thing and id jump down to the parking space and go around it ugh

[heleont]

like honestly i so get it i get the appeal of his voice i havent heard this song in so long his voice is da hot LMAO FUCK im such a bitch

the way he says click and dick sounds like hes got hella snot in his nose though

AHH SAVAGE GA$P im listening in real time rn and ugh omg love this guy?? havent listened to anything else by him though

pumokin patch king w the corpse on the ring

choke me like u choke me when u choke me

honestly like LMAO this isnt a bad song HAHAHAHAA the uwu is nice too like i dont mind it here it's so funny

also like?? ok from what ik of corpse hes gotta be a fucking virgin like,, bitch? nice song but also talk to me after uve gotten your dick wet like hes the same kind of guy who tweets at u like hes going to do nasty ass shit like "haha momma we gonn go to hell after what i do to u" and comes over and's like "hehe,, should we turn on a movie?" like BITCH who tf r u

[heleont]

fun song!! im vibing this is good the album cover creeps me out a little

mm not me abt to listen to that corpse song again mgngnh my fingers r itching to press play

his voice isnt bad?? its not the best but yk

it's like savage ga$p's but it doesnt hit as hard

bro in that corpse song omg honestly i dont even care abt the corpse bit like it's cool the first 4 times but savage ga$p's bit hits every single time

anyways the song in general is like an ost for one of my dreams where im getting chased it also reminds me of the guy from disneys descendants jafars kid the one w long hair

omg also did u hear thag cameron boyce died this mightve been a while ago but?? insane

i used to watch jessie a lot as a kid but all i remember is that one episode where jessie met another nanny at the park and theyre complaining abt their kids and the other nanny gives jessie some tips and it's a little unorthodox but it seems to work and it turns out the other nanny was a doggie nanny and luke(?? was that the charas name anyway cameron boyce) was acting like a dog and he was going insane it was so fucking funny omg

[heleont]

listened to this bc i make so many typos on the daily

dont like the album cover i j dont like anything to do w the sternum

the song itself is smth new to me i dont usually listen to rap like this it's all brakence brakence brakence type

shadow rap indeed! chills. i left my bathroom door open and i dont want to get up and close it bc im getting the heebie jeebies

[heleont]

man im j posting shit like theres no tomorrow ive had this acc for a while and i put the app in my social folder but it's on the second page and i never went there bc i only go on discord and instagram

i only went to the second page rn bc i was so bored i was going to go through tinder again but HAHAHAHA

speaking of fucking tinder though?!? it's so ass dont get it holy shit HAHAHA im so horny and i cant meet anyone rn im losing my mind im j TALKING to people and im losing my mind

[heleont]

HAHA this goddamn song my friends make fun of me all the time bc of this

it's such an edgy white boy song like

yeah i bet youre super cool man youre aggressive? got arrested? do drugs? you think youre useless?? BITCH SIT DOWN??

anyways this was my favorite song for forever i still listen to it when im angry it calms me down esp towards the middle at around the 2min mark it slows down and so do i

it's crazy!!1! feeling like an edgy white boy isnt bad sometimes dykwim

HAHA but this is so like

i punch my walls energy dykwim like

HAHAHAHAA oh man i so would if i was like maybe 17% more edgy

[heleont]

this one this song is so fun HAHAHA i go apeshit this is such a fun song

i actually listened to sarcoma (killstation) for the first time bc of this songs spotify radio and imma be honest,, hit me kinda hard☠