#boys love webnovel

[occulttrash]

just some daily gayposting....

[roach-works]

Arthur Carrway, lord of the manor | Rich Merril, his secretary | Rafael Caro, an actor

sometimes you just gotta stay up late and make moodboards for your characters.

we're getting close to done on the next full-length novel, Run Aground, and i'm hype as all hell.

(the michigan fleet series can be found here!)

[blbl-official]

Hello, everyone!

As progress continues on BLBL, our BL library website that will catalog original English BL (M/M) webnovels, novels, ebooks, graphic novels, visual novels etc.., we’re looking for more volunteers!

(Thanks to everyone who voted on the names 🥰)

If you’re interested in the following and have time to complete the task(s) (with at least one other person, in a team), then please contact @bafflinghaze:

Branding: logo design

Marketing: art/graphic design for marketing purposes

Wireframing/Web design: help iterate and finalise designs

Web development: backend and frontend (need to be able to work with others)

We also need data collectors (gathering information from novels and uploading it to our to-be-created system) and website content copywriters (writing all the miscellaneous text that a website needs), but this is less urgent. If you’re interested, also contact bafflinghaze.

[maybemockingbird]

My name is A.L. Davidson and I am a genre-blending horror and sci-fi romance author with a penchant for cozy, slice of life style reads! I've got a great community over on Patreon and I'm currently looking for new recruits to come get lost in space with me and enjoy my wide variety of cozy, monster-filled, queer slow burn romance reads with diverse casts of characters! There are tons of perks to dive into across all tiers, and the link is easy to find in my LinkTree, so come nab a free trial and stay for a while with over 1,000 pages of stories!

I'm hoping to get a bunch of new Cosmonauts so I can write a TON of fun short stories, bonus chapters, and spooky stuff for Halloween, so if you're looking for a new author to read, love supporting indie authors with diverse casts and genre-blending vibes, please consider checking out my Patreon! 

Alycia Davidson on Patreon

[zihua-art]

Demonic love of ~洛冰河❤️💚 沈清秋~

[evadingreallife]

Get yourself a man like lee hyunsung

[occulttrash]

my novel, in a nutshell :')

[anon-apple]

Hot Soup and Soft Bread 11

Table of Contents and Synopsis <- Chapter 10 Read on WordPress

Chapter 11: Instant Noodles with an Egg V

After driving back to his place, Qiuyan called Cunqu. Cunqu picked up. Qiuyan was lying on his stomach on his bed with both legs sticking up. He laughed with a “hehe” and said: “This is our first day together. Ge, if it wasn’t this late, I would have gone downstairs and beat a gong and some drums to announce this good news to the world.” 

Cunqu leaned against the backboard of his bed and laughed with him. Qiuyan kept dumbly laughing “hehe” from his end until Cunqu said he wanted to hang up and go to sleep. Qiuyan flopped upright like a carp leaping out of the water and reluctantly said: “Ah, you’re already going to sleep? Ge, how about I drive back to see you. You have to open the door for me.”

Cunqu said from his end of the call: “Go and take a cold shower to clear your head. You have to go to work in a few hours.”

Qiuyan replied “Oh” with dissatisfaction. Then he really went and took a cold shower.

The next day, Qiuyan brought a few dishes Cunqu liked and whistled as he walked up to the fifth floor. He didn’t help Liu Xiaoying set the table like usual, but instead just dropped off the meal boxes and immediately entered Cunqu’s room. 

Xiaoying turned her head to say something to him, only to see a few transparent plastic takeout boxes on the dining table. Qiuyan sat at the edge of the bed and pulled Cunqu into his arms. He happily asked: “Did you miss me?”

Cunqu couldn’t catch his breath in the tight hug. Qiuyan abruptly let go and fished out his phone to show Cunqu that he had changed his contact information to “Mine” followed by a heart emoji. He asked Cunqu what he thought. Cunqu nodded and said: “Mmh. Rather cheesy.”

Qiuyan grumbled: “How is it cheesy. This 'Mine' implies ‘My love’, you are ‘my love’, you know?” 

Cunqu laughed and said: “I’m getting goosebumps.”

During dinner, Xiaoying and Qiuyan chattered about unimportant matters as usual. Halfway through, when Xiaoying got up to get a ladle from the kitchen, Qiuyan suddenly turned and smacked a kiss on Cunqu’s cheek.

When Xiaoying turned back around, Cunqu was glaring at Qiuyan. The latter, shaking his leg, beamed as he passed him some shrimp with his chopsticks.

--

The night when Qiuyan headed back to his village to attend A’Shan’s wedding, Cunqu sat on his bed and stared blankly at his phone screen. Qiuyan already called him earlier and told him that he needed to spend the night in the village and couldn’t come to find him. After the call, he texted him the same thing. He ended his text with numerous “kiss kiss” emojis. 

Cunqu was a bit unaccustomed to not being able to see Qiuyan at night. When he was in a relationship in college, the two of them had the same major and their date location was always the library where they would bury their heads and study. It felt more like they were study buddies rather than a couple. Only when he had a problem he couldn’t solve, he’d turn and ask his boyfriend first. At this point, he could no longer remember who confessed to whom. But this type of relationship somehow managed to uneventfully last almost 2 years; it’s quite miraculous. 

Cunqu thought for a while and then sent a text: Did you arrive home?

Qiuyan didn’t look at his phone. He headed out late and when he arrived at the village, the pre-meal firecrackers had already been set off. Qiuyan squeezed into the banquet hall and found Qiu Xuemei between the ten bustling banquet tables. He called out: “Mom.”

Xuemei, crunching on some melon seeds, furrowed her eyebrows and asked: “Who are you? My son’s been missing for months, his whereabouts completely unknown. How come there’s suddenly this person calling me mom now?”

The people at her table laughed. Qiuyan naturally sat down next to her and pulled at her hand. “I’ve been busy.”

Xuemei replied: “Yes, I know. If the city didn’t have you driving their buses, the entire public transportation system would collapse.”

Qiuyan pointed at his dad who was playing Fight the Landlord to the side and said to him: “Zhong Baocheng can you do something about your wife. She’s all mocking and ridicule as soon as I walk up.”

Baocheng mumbled something and continued staring at the cards on his screen.

The windows of the banquet hall were covered with the cutout of the character ‘joy’; the food consisted of the common dishes for a village banquet. A’Shan’s wedding was extremely simple. He and his wife were from the same village; the two families’ homes were close enough that they didn’t even need to drive. So the steps that could be skipped were skipped. When A’Shan and his wife came out to make a toast, Da Yu followed them from behind and helped pour the alcohol and hold the glasses. 

After the banquet dispersed, A’Shan took off his suit jacket and draped it on one shoulder, then he handed Qiuyan and Da Yu each a cigarette. The three of them leaned against the wall in the banquet hall’s back garden and silently stared at the firecracker fragments all over the ground. A’Shan suddenly spoke up: “The days pass so quick.”

Da Yu said: “It feels like only yesterday when we were naked and catching fish with bare hands in a creek. But today A’Shan got married.”

A’Shan patted Qiuyan and said: “Ay, you guys know I’m not good with words. But I've been meaning to thank you two for all these years. If not for you two things, my heart and body probably won’t be able to grow up this healthily.”

Da Yu turned and asked Qiuyan: “Is he being serious or sarcastic right now?”

Qiuyan replied: “His thanks sure sounds like an insult.”

The three looked at each other and started laughing. After a while, Qiuyan put out his cigarette. He stood in front of Da Yu and A’Shan, cleared his throat, and said: “Just in time, let me use the opportunity of A’Shan’s joyful day and announce my own joyful news.”

Da Yu stretched out his hand towards him, gesturing a “do what you will.”

Qiuyan said: “Uhm, so I’m in a relationship.” After he said that, his face suddenly flushed red. Da Yu and A’Shan were about to clap, but Qiuyan continued: “I’m dating Zhou Cunqu.”

He rubbed his nose and jumped up a bit in happiness. Da Yu and A’Shan looked at each other and shrunk back the hands they were about to clap with.

This news was far too shocking. The next time Da Yu and A’Shan sat down at Liu Xiaoying’s dining table their eyes were still round with shock. They watched Qiuyan circle around Cunqu like a puppy. Finally, Cunqu washed his hands in the bathroom, wiped them dry, and sat at the dining table. And so Qiuyan finally sat down as well.

Qiuyan was too far over the moon to realize that suddenly learning that someone you’ve been good brothers with for over 20 years was dating another man was explosive news of the atomic bomb level. Da Yu, holding his rice bowl, finally let out a sigh and said to Cunqu: “Life is truly full of surprises.”

Cunqu looked back at him.

After dinner, Xiaoying headed downstairs to chat with her friends. The four of them were still sitting at the dining table. Da Yu said: “We don’t discriminate. It’s just that we’re a bit shocked. Our hair salon’s hairdresser A’Wen is also gay. Speaking of which, is it just me who’s not improving at work? I’m still left behind.”

Cunqu took a sip of water and slowly said: “You’ve studied for two years, but you are still washing hair. Maybe it’s not an issue with your skills but with your environment. Why don’t you consider a suitable trade school? Studying for a year should be enough.”

The Mulberry Garden brothers looked at each other, and they suddenly realized that the logic was this simple all along.

After they dispersed, Qiuyan hugged Cunqu in his room. Pressing his cheek against Cunqu’s, he said: “My boyfriend’s brain works so well.”

Cunqu flipped through the papers in his hands. A’Shan gave him the short story he wrote. Although he looked big and burly, he had actually been writing children’s stories in secret. Moreover, the stories were quite interesting. Qiuyan placed his head on top of Cunqu’s shoulder and looked at what A’Shan wrote: “A long long time ago, there was a little boy. The little boy turned into a tree bit by bit. At first, his arm turned into a tree branch, then his ears grew flowers. His parents thought he was a monster and abandoned him. The little boy continued to grow, and his body also slowly sprouted. Everyone called him a ‘tree-person monster.’ One day on his way to school, he ran into two little boys who also sprouted branches, leaves, and flowers. That day was probably the happiest day of his life. He knew that he wasn’t the only monster. The world had people who were born as ‘tree people.’ 

After many years, the little boy had grown into a towering evergreen tree, standing forever atop a scenic hill. The two other boys hadn’t. The branches, leaves, and flowers from before were things that they stuck onto their bodies. But they would visit the big tree every year, sit down at its roots, and chat for a very long time…”

A’Shan’s father had passed away very early on. His mother left the village after he finished kindergarten and never returned. Starting from middle school, he didn’t give money for the milk boxes between classes. Every day when it came time to get milk, A’Shan would hide beneath the ping pong table in the little playground. Qiuyan and A’Shan would shout and run to find him and insist on squeezing beside him underneath the ping-pong table. A’Shan knew they had milk boxes to pick up but they never drank their milk in front of him.

That day when he was leaving Liu Xiaoying’s place, A’Shan handed the story to Cunqu. Then he quietly said to Cunqu: “Ge, I feel like we are so lucky.” 

-> Chapter 12

[maybemockingbird]

We are officially one week out from the launch of The Night Farm on Kickstarter for volume two!!!! I can't wait to share this fun summer festival season story with everyone (and introduce a brand new love interest while I'm at it!)

If you aren’t following the prelaunch page GO NOW! You want to make sure you’re notified when the campaign goes live because I have some excellent early bird deals waiting for you! Link in my link tree!

🌙

Rhys Anderson is looking for a fresh start after a health diagnosis forces him to sell his beloved tea shop. When a small farmstead goes up for sale in the mountains, he jumps at the opportunity to live a quieter life away from the hustle and bustle of the big city and find a new place to plant roots.

After packing up his few belongings, Rhys settles in for the lengthy cross-country drive to his new home. The farm rests on the outskirts of a mysterious town called Wylder Wood, hidden deep in the forests out west and not found on any map. The idyllic little farmstead is perfect for his needs, and his new neighbors are quick to introduce themselves as soon as nightfall arrives.

The locals are welcoming and friendly, but not at all what they initially seem, and Rhys soon realizes that the otherworldly residents want to sink their fangs into something more than his crops...

The town of Wylder Wood comes to life when the sun goes down, and long nights on the farm are filled with friendship, romance, and good eats aplenty!

This spooky slice-of-life romance story is perfect for fans of Welcome To Night Vale, Stardew Valley, Love Tractor, Gravity Falls, Over the Garden Wall, The House of Lowther, slice-of-life BL webcomics and webtoons, and Harvest Moon.

[pentip-puppy]

Persephone’s Pomegranate

A scene from the novel Carat by Korean author, 메카니스트.

This illustration wasn’t accurate of the scene, but more a representation of the whole plot and Seokryu, the main character. His name means Pomegranate in Korean and he was one of the most relatable and interesting characters I had read in a while.

Being a closed off, perfectionist and workaholic, myself, Seokyru made me feel a lot of things throughout the book.

I hope to read more of this author’s books in the future. They seem to always have an interesting concept.

[occulttrash]

IT'S FINALLY AUTISM!

Okay so I made this both for webnovel promotional reasons, but also when my friends were beta-reading the first draft literally all of them messaged me after reading chapter 2's opening asking if Brayandli is autistic :')

it's doubly funny because when I made Brayandli my entire thought process was 'what if i made a character who's intimidatingly beautiful but has all my sensory issues and social anxiety??' and then a year later i got diagnosed with autism myself :x

(read my transmasc romantasy webnovel here for free: https://tapas.io/series/The-Nightingale-Dragon/info )

[just-a-blfan]

← Regressor personality education

13.

Lee Dan-woo, who had no skills, couldn't do amazing things like separating the neck and body of a monster like Cha Woo-won, or stun by hitting it with a shield like Kang Wool-lim.

Instead, Lee Dan-woo used the world's physical laws.

If you apply force to a weak link, it will break.

The weak link here was the same vital point as the eye.

Or what kind of 'neck' is attached...

Aren't wrists, ankles and necks weak points anyway?

Of course, Lee Dan-woo's stats did not hurt his "powerful" job.

But isn't there another simple physical law in this world?

'If you're weak, you can hit it several times.'

Dan-woo Lee stabbed the sword with all his might.

When dividing Hunter's stats, F-class was the best state that ordinary people could reach through training.

If you are a martial artist who has trained for more than 10 years, and not an awakened person, you can reach the physical strength and muscle strength of F-.

If talent and effort were added, the level that could be reached was F-class.

So, Awakeners and ordinary people are no match.

'In the first place, the species are different.'

And Class C was the standard for dividing species among Awakeners.

In other words, it was the standard for dividing senior hunters among awakeners.

C-class agility was the only weapon Dan-woo had. Because there were no special skills or stats, Dan-woo in the past could simply stick to one.

Take what you're good at and throw away what you're bad at. What Danwoo was good at was moving quickly, and what he was bad at was giving strength.

What will Dan-woo do with his strength and stamina?

So, Dan-woo's combat method was a fast-paced, ultra-short-range skirmish.

It was no different from the battle against the monsters.

Dan-woo gritted his teeth. Then, he attached his feet, which seemed likely to slip off at any moment, to the back of the chimera, and pierced the chimera's neck dozens of times.

Once, twice, three times... !

Like that, dozens of attacks headed for one point.

Dan-woo's magical power strengthened the tip of the sword, and it seemed as if a ray of light pierced the chimera.

All of that happened in the blink of an eye.

Even with weak force, if you hit one place dozens of times, it will crack.

In the case of Dan-woo, there was no error in the position of the sword.

Thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven...

...!

The hard leather was pierced by dozens of attacks, and the sword pierced through. The moment the sword was drawn again, blood spurted out like a fountain and stained Dan-woo's face.

Dan-woo did not close his eyes even when blood spurted out.

'If I close my eyes now, I will falI... --- !'

With red eyesight, he grabbed his trembling arm with magical power. And he forced the sword back into it as if he were controlling it by threading it.

forty......!

The Chimera was twisting his whole body in pain. I want to get rid of a leech on my back, but it'sthe same thing that's in front of me!

The one in front was stronger. Whenever I received him with a wide plate, pain rose from the area hit and my whole body trembled.

The pain isn't that great. Still, unable to contain hid rage, the Chimera tried to kill it by stepping on it. The leech that climbed up the back is next... ....

But I thought I had a sore throat, and then an unbearable pain rushed in!

The Chimera struggled. Then my body just stopped. I can't move at all, something is completely wrong...

At that moment, the Chimera saw the little guy charging head-on. It wielded a small, skewer-like sword, but the Chimera knew from much experience that it could not do much damage to her.

But it stabbed the Chimera down the neck, and it bounced over the top of the head...

The vision went round and round.

The chimera's head tumbled to the floor.

'This works."

Dan-woo Lee tried not to be surprised. Wool-lim Kang was a tanker at the level he could expect.

Performance was excellent and judgement was poor.

However, Cha Woo-won seemed to be the same Cha Woo-won that Lee Dan-woo remembered. The moment Dan-woo Lee stabbed the chimera to stop it, Cha Woo-won blew the chimera's neck with precision.

thud!

The chimera's body collapsed to the floor.

Lee Dan-woo didn't have the strength to hold on any longer, so they left together. In the meantime, he held on to the chimera's hair so that he would not faIl unsightly. Instead he slid down from his massive body, powerlessly planting his feet on the floor.

My chin... ...!

The front nose got caught on the floor. Dan-woo Lee held onto his body, which was about to tip over, with a superhuman spirit.

'If you split your face like this, the leader will lose face.’

Having succeeded in falling backwards, he sat down on the floor holding on to his heart that was about to explode.

I didn't even have the energy to move. I was dizzy and lacked mana.

I didn't even get annoyed at the thought that this was all because of the stupid Kang Wool-lim.

'Does it make sense that you have to hit 40 times to pierce the skin?'

Actually, I was annoyed, but it was because of my own body.

20-year-old Kang Woo-rim is a monster-like tanker. Shouldn't Dan-woo be able to pretend to make a deal?

What the hell is wrong with this damn talentless body?

At that thought, Dan-woo Lee sat down on the floor like a child who came down from a slide. Then he squatted and raised his head to stare at the river echo.

"...Hey."

I couldn't speak properly because I was breathing hard.

In the meantime, Kang Wool-lim was talking nonsense.

"Crazy, I killed that!"

'You didn't think you could kill him, but you did?'

Should we put this stupid asshole on a real team? Dan-woo couldn't stand it.

"Does the medicine you take block your five senses?"

"I participated as a fighter in the arena. There's no way you can block your senses."

Kang Wool-lim said as if he was confused.

'You sound like a fighter.'

Are such needlessly wonderful words worthy of crying a river? Dan-woo Lee was about to say, 'Where is the duel that binds the fighter like an abusive beast?' This guy wasn't the type to understand.

"Can't you hear anything outside? The fire truck is coming. All you have to do is leave the fire to the professional. I'm not doing this shit!"

"Isn't it because you blocked it? No, and where are you going? Can I help put out the fire too? I am an employee here."

"Where is the company that binds its employees?"

Dan-woo Lee almost screamed, but he endured it again!

"You are a victim of a crime."

"What are you talking about?"

Before Dan-woo Lee could answer, the staff rushed in first. Ki Hee-yoon's admirers were blind and eager to solve the situation without caring about their own bodies. For them, this place is not a place of business, but a temple dedicated to Ki Hee-yoon...

"What is that?"

"What happened? Is it dead? The monster is dead!"

"By what means?!"

"Did you do it?"

Someone asked Kang Wool-lim. Kang Wool-lim said shyly.

"It's not just me, they help……."

"Cha Woo-won."

"Yes, Dan-woo."

Cha Woo-won's sword (Yukye) changed its shape and changed into a bladeless wooden sword. Cha Woo-won was a person who did not repeat the same mistakes. He effectively squeezed/hit the staff.

'I didn't kill him.'

I tried a few people on the way, and I already got a feel for it. I know because Dan-woo Lee was hit, but he never died from being hit like that with that sword.

In fact, they were the ones that didn't matter if I killed them, but Dan-woo expected Cha Woo-won to come out like that.

Anyway, the more people who would testify at the crime scene, the better.

"Hey! what are you doing You're on our side, why are you attacking?"

Kang Wool-lim flagged.

Cha Woo-won asked.

"Danwu, are you really going to take that friend?"

Dan-woo had nothing to say.

"You said you wouldn't complain about the leader's judgment."

"That's true, but I don't think he'll follow me?"

"Kang Wool-lim. I'm on my way to the police center and the guild, not the fire truck."

"Why?"

Wool-lim Kang was a simple guy, so he didn't doubt what he once trusted.

"Because the place you were confined to is a criminal organization and this is an illegal business."

Dan-woo told him.

That seemed to have caused cognitive dissonance in Kang Wool-lim.

"Ah not really?"

Knowing that fact did not mean that Lee Dan-woo did not get angry.

"No, that's right. If that's what you want to do in the police car, follow me."

"I can't! here it's not illegal! I said no! I made money here, but I spent all that money... If you have to throw it up...."

Wool-lim Kang hesitated and made an excuse, then swung his shield in an instant.

'.....is this crazy?'

Dan-woo Lee did not respond. He would have been hit if Cha Woo-won hadn't pulled him back.

To Lee Dan-woo, Kang Wool-lim could not be an enemy, so he did not even have the option of being wary of his attack.

Lee Dan-woo was surprised that 20- year-old Wool-lim Kang really wasn't Lee Dan-woo's colleague...

But Cha Woo-won said.

"Dan-woo, you need him."

"...yes."

"I know you mean well, but words won't convince him"

Then, Cha Woo-Won's sword became infinitely huge.

The greatsword struck Kang Wool-lim's restraint.

Wool-lim Kang passed out. As soon as he was released from the magic restraint, he must have been exhausted from tanking the Chimera.

The sounds of sirens, helicopters, and chaotic running noises came one after another.

Hunters rushed through the open door.

"Where is it, the place where the monsters are rampaging... ... !"

Dan-woo sat down and looked up at them.

Behind Dan-woo was a body the size of a chimera house with its head and body separated, and next to it stood Cha Woo-won, who looked like a trustworthy person to anyone.

There were several other people lying around, but...

Since Cha Woo-won didn't seem like a bad person, the hunter from the guild tried to ask him what happened here.

At that time, a policeman burst out from behind the hunters.

"Oh! Cha Woo-won! You are not Dan-woo Lee!"

***

'It's made things easier.'

Dan-woo Lee got out of the police car and got into a taxi.

________

Note:

Did the policeman say that because Dan-woo made the phonecall about there being a fire? Wow °O°

I hope there are no editing errors so it'seasy to read :>

[maybemockingbird]

The Night Farm - A Cozy Horror Farming Web Novel

Rhys Anderson, a talented herbalist and tea master, is looking for a fresh start after a recent health diagnosis forces him to leave his beloved tea shop behind. When he hears about a small farmstead deep in the wooded countryside that goes up for sale, he jumps at the opportunity to start over and live a quieter life away from the hustle and bustle of the big city.

Packing up his few belongings, Rhys races off to his new home in the mysterious town known as Wylder Wood, where the neighbors are welcoming and kind, but not at all what they seem. Rhys soon realizes that he's living amongst myths and legends beyond his wildest dream, and as friendships form and crops are sewn, Rhys' new life thrives when the sun sets over the tree tops.

Things soon change when Rhys gets caught up in the gaze of the charming, fanged-toothed Victor du Lac. The vamp (and mayor of Wylder Wood) sets his sights on the newcomer, and the 126 year old embodiment of "tall, dark, and handsome" wants to sink his teeth into more than just the delicacies Rhys grows in the soil.

The town of Wylder Wood comes to life when the sun goes down, and the long nights on the farm are filled with friendship, romance, and good eats aplenty!

This spooky slice-of-life romance story is perfect for fans of Welcome To Night Vale, Stardew Valley, Love Tractor, Gravity Falls, Over the Garden Wall, The House of Lowther, and Harvest Moon. It is available to read on Tapas with even more chapters available on my Patreon (which is on sale for one more week) and there are even stickers available for purchase (or given as freebies for my Patrons for anyone who joins before the 15th)!

The Night Farm is also up for several award categories in the Queer Indie Awards, so keep my little story in mind when you vote! We hope to see you in the Wood soon! The Night Farm updates EVERY Friday at 4:30pm CST both on Tapas and Patreon!

[lekendall]

Tamika Wood's Birthday Party

Chapter Eleven: Tamika Wood's Birthday Party (Reprise)

Audio for this chapter (and lots more chapters) available on my website

Alan Sebastian

It’s Tamika Wood’s birthday party again and I didn’t really want to go but Gillian insisted that we needed a break.

I’m worried about Mani. That Gillian will insist that Michelle look after him on her own. Gillian tells me I’m cruel for not trusting my sister with her own child and that Michelle is just stressed and hormonal and making bad jokes.

“Just don’t leave him alone with her,” I pleaded with Gillian. But she took my hand and squeezed it. “I’ll look after both of them. I promise. Stop worrying and be a kid for a few hours.”

Scott seems eager to “relax” but it doesn’t feel relaxing here. I’d rather be at home with sleepy Mani burping milk into my shoulder.

If we’d stayed home we’d take it in turns to rock Mani to sleep and Scott would make a show of going to bed on the camp-bed in my room but he’d crawl into bed with me as soon as the lights were off.

Scott drank a beer and I thought If I kissed him he’d taste like beer, but he doesn’t want anyone to know about us.

Scott was talking to some girls that I don’t know and I just felt sick and jealous and sad and I wished I were at home.

And then he smirked at me like he usually smirks at girls and he kissed me then but he was laughing and I kissed him back because it’s automatic now but people were cheering and laughing and Damian King was miming vomiting and Scott turned around triumphantly and looked expectantly at two girls. Who giggled and then hesitantly kissed each other while Scott and the other boys clapped and cheered and hollered.

I felt used and sick and homesick so I walked away and out the door.

I walk down the path and away from the house and I keep walking until I reach the fence and I grasp the wire with both hands and I wonder what it would feel like if I put my hand around the barb on the wire and squeezed it. But I don’t do that.

“Where are you going?” asks Scott. I didn’t know he’d seen me leave.

“I’m going home,” I say firmly and I push the top wire down to climb over the fence.

“You can’t walk home, it’s too far,” he says. But it’s hours until morning and I think I can probably make it there before Gillian wakes up.

My pants get caught in the barbed wire and Scott helps me over and I help him over too even though I don’t know why he’s following me.

“If you don’t want to kiss me in front of other people,” I say angrily, “You can’t kiss me in front of other people.”

“I know,” he says, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know why I do anything. I’m sorry. Please. I’m sorry. Al…”

“Alan Sebastian,” I say.

We’re still walking, downhill now away from the house. The field is empty in the moonlight, horses in the stable.

“I wish we hadn’t come,” I tell him.

“I know,” he says.

I sit down on the ground and he lies down beside me.

He looks up at the stars and I look at him.

“Do you ever wish you were straight?” he asks me.

“No.” I tell him. Because I haven’t. It feels like such a fundamental part about me that I don’t think a straight version of me would be me at all.

“I don’t know how to stop wanting to be straight,” he says, “And I don’t know how to stop wanting to be with you.”

“I don’t think you can have both,” I point out.

“Because I want both, I can’t have either.”

He’s quiet after that, for long enough that I wonder if he’s fallen asleep. But then he rolls over and takes my hand and I lie down too and we’re lying nose-to-nose in the dirt.

His breath is warm against my face.

“When I kiss you,” he says, “I don’t want anything else. And sometimes I think if I just kissed you for long enough then that feeling would go away. So. Just don’t stop…”

So I don’t, for a long time.

But eventually the sky begins to lighten and Gillian will be coming to pick us up soon. So I pull myself up and I reach for his hand to help him stand.

My back is cold where I’ve been lying in the mud and Scott’s hair is full of dirt and he doesn’t let go of my hand until we’re in view of the house.

End of Part One.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching reading. Today's choice: 死亡万花筒 / Kaleidoscope of Death.

Kaleidoscope of Death is a 2018 Chinese webnovel about two young men who fall in love while basically playing a whole bunch of horror-themed escape rooms that can for-real kill you.

This novel was gripping. I could not put it down. It started out fun and ended up ripping out my heart several times. It does a good job getting the ball rolling with a series of adventures in weird worlds, then turns into a meditation about grief and loss and what it means to have something to lose in the first place.

This is the first time I've ever done a book rec! I'm doing it in conjunction with a rec post for the Spirealm, and originally I was just going to do this as a bonus section for that post. However, I felt they both deserve whole different posts, because they both have very different things to recommend them. I also think Kaleidoscope of Death a 100% necessary read if you've seen the show, because it provides some context that the show simply cannot include -- but it's not a necessary read before you see the show.

Therefore, I'm going to give you five reasons I think you should sit down with this one, and not a single one of these reasons is going to assume you've watched the Spirealm! The book is great and deserves to be read on its own merits, and then if you then start watching the drama afterwards, so much the better.

1. All the Cross-Dressing

(Yeah, I'm going to punctuate this one with screencaps from the Spirealm, because otherwise it's just a wall of text.)

I'm not going to tell you why the male characters frequently dress and pass as women, since the book explains the practicality of it better than I could. You just need to know that they often do, and it's never not kinda hot when it happens.

When you first meet Ruan Nanzhu, it is as Ruan Baijie, a stunningly beautiful and noticeably tall woman. Lin Qiushi, our POV character who is extremely confused for a number of reasons, spends the first whole arc talking and thinking about Baijie like she's a girl. In fact, one of the cutest things about sweet, earnest Qiushi is that he clocks Baijie several times, and every time he's just like, oh, she's so flat-chested, how unusual for a girl, anyway...

And this isn't even just dressing up! Stepping into the door worlds changes you physically based on your clothing and cosmetics. Nobody inside looks the same as they do outside, and nobody looks the same inside as they did last time they were inside. The rules that govern these transformations aren't even clear to the characters themselves! So, you know, have fun with that.

I'm going to say it's not an out-and-out trans thing, in that we're not dealing with an AMAB egg who will crack someday. Ruan Nanzhu is a very male-identified, penis-having man! He's just also pretty entertainingly comfortable with performing whatever gender makes him the most fuckable person in any given room. Lin Qiushi is not so inherently genderfluid, however, which means that when his gremlin sort-of-boyfriend makes him pretend to be a girl, it's a completely different kink.

Therefore: If you like it in any way when boys dress up like girls, you owe it to yourself to pick up this one. And if you like a fandom that likes it when boys dress up like girls, baby, welcome to the world inside the doors.

2. Those boys GAY

This is a textual romance. Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu are in love. This is a danmei novel about how they fall in love. There is kissing and there are fade-to-black scenes that explicitly acknowledge that the two of them have sex with one another. We even know that Ruan Nanzhu (usually) tops. This s not just me pointing at them and saying gaaaaaaaaaay. This is actual gay.

And it is gay that takes its fucking time. They do not actually hook up until well over halfway through the book, but they are physically affectionate from almost the get-go. Ruan Nanzhu is such a trickster and a liar that Lin Quishi finds it hard to believe that anything he does is sincere, which leads to nearly lesbian levels of wondering if it means anything when a guy demands you kiss him on the mouth when he's pretending to be your girlfriend. Meanwhile, Ruan Nanzhu is over here being the Kate Beaton comic about sitting here consumed with lust all evening.

Even once they both acknowledge what they're feeling for one another, they don't get together right away. After all, they're playing a game of life and death where they lose friends left and right. Every time someone goes inside the door, there's a real chance they won't come out again. Is giving your heart to someone worth how much it will destroy your entire life when you lose them?

(Yes, says the book. Yes, it is worth it.)

The slow burn of their relationship is delicious, in part because the physical (though not sexual) aspects of it predate the romantic ones. It also has the fun hot-and-cold aspect where Ruan Nanzhu is incredibly affectionate inside the doors, then icy outside of them. Poor completely inexperienced, never-been-kissed Lin Qiushi does not know what to make of any of this. He can barely manage parenting a cat. He does not know how to handle a boyfriend who is also a girlfriend who is also (spiritually) a cat.

I also find it charming how much the gay part of it both is and isn't an issue. It's not that Lin Qiushi has a problem being in love with a man; however, the fact that Ruan Nanzhu is a man does mean the heteronormally indoctrinated and relationship-inexperienced Lin Qiushi takes much longer to realize what exactly those feelings he's having are. The book's world is one where heterosexuality is the assumed default, while queerness is unexpected but everybody's still pretty cool with it. Besides, no one's going to judge Lin Qiushi's gay yearnings, because who doesn't want to fuck Ruan Nanzhu?

3. HAKO ONNA HAKO ONNA HAKO ONNA

So as I was reading through @zintranslations' earlier chapters, I kept seeing translators' notes down at the bottom about being so excited to finally get to the Hako Onna arc. Okay, I thought, this is a lot of hype; I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Friends, it does not. This is the arc I was reading while screaming into a pillow. It's thirteen chapters long, tied for the longest arc in the book with the first door. It is a fucking nail-biter. It does the clever thing of taking all the things you've learned about what can happen inside the doors and combining them for a worst-case scenario.

The setup is pretty simple: There's a bunch of boxes. One has the exit. Most are empty. Some have things that help you. Some have things that hurt you. The more things you find that hurt you, the more things there are to hurt you. And you have to open the boxes.

All the door arcs are pretty well-written, so that you can more or less play along with their various adventures. Hako Onna, however, is exceptional. It's so complicated, but you can actually follow it. And you need to be able to follow it, because the multiple emotional gut-punches that happen in this arc all depend on understanding how the rules of the game have just been leveraged to fuck someone over.

Now I really want to play the board game -- which I was pleased to discover is a real board game! And speaking of board games...

sidebar: Betrayal at House on the Hill

I know this isn't technically related to the novel at all, but if you like board games, horror, and being incredibly dramatic, you owe it to yourself to try out Betrayal at House on the Hill.

It goes like this: You and several other horror-movie archetypes wander through a mansion, "building" it as you explore it, so the game layout is different every time. At some point (and it's based on so many random factors that you never know when it'll be) someone triggers a condition, and the haunting begins. All the players then get the rules of haunting explained to them -- except for one player, the one picked to do the titular betrayal, who gets a different set of instructions and becomes the antagonist. From that point on, the game is about either surviving or completing the haunting, depending on which side you're on.

I have played this game before with normal board game people, and they were like, eh, this is fine. I have also played this game before with theatre kids who RP and LARP, and we all had a fucking blast. So I'm going to warn you that you have to choose your crowd carefully. This is a game for people who do improv and voices.

4. The art of losing isn't hard to master

The book has a high body count -- higher than the show's, in fact, though that's related to how the book also has more characters than the show does. When you meet someone who can go into the doors, be careful how much money you'd lay on their survival.

Death after the doors comes so quickly, too. There's barely any time to say goodbye, if there's even any time at all. Often there's just a phone call telling our main characters that one of their friends or allies or enemies is gone.

Everyone who gets the chance to go through the door worlds is only able to do so because they're dying already. The more doors they pass, the more they get to kick that death further down the road -- but the more doors they enter, the more chances they take that they might die inside one. So really, none of the players can be that resentful of being forced to play a game that can kill them, since they're already playing it on borrowed time.

I will say, somewhat cryptically, that the book has a positive ending that leaves open the possibility for other positive things. The path to that positive ending, though, leads through some pretty wrenching takes on living through grief. It's not even all rah-rah and it-gets-better, either -- the text acknowledges many times over what it means to have someone that life isn't worth living without.

And that's maybe not what you expected from a BL horror adventure webnovel, but it's what you're gonna get! Ha ha!

5. What He Is

Which is the title of the first extra chapter, which is not extra at all, but is in fact a necessary explanatory piece that whacks you upside the head like a two-by-four and recontextualizes the entire story.

...Yeah, that's all you're going to get from me about that. You'll understand when you get there.

Have you put it on your reading list yet?

The way you have to read it is a little convoluted: @zintranslations has chapters 1-17 and 63-end + extras. Taida Translations has chapters 1-62. So no matter where you start reading, you're going to have to switch sites at least once.

There are also apparently Portuguese, Indonesian, Russian, and Spanish translations too? And the original Chinese webnovel, of course. And some audio dramas and subs linked to from this Carrd, which helpfully has other information, like content warnings for specific chapters, in case the horror aspect of the story gives you pause.

Anyway, once you're done reading it -- or even before you're done! -- you should absolutely go watch the Spirealm. I think it's clear from both rec posts that I definitely like the book better, but I appreciate having the drama to bring so many scenes to life, and I think the casting is great. Also, I don't think reading the book makes you like the drama less! Rather, I think reading the book gives you insight into the awkward and sometimes terrible choices the drama had to make to survive -- which in turn gives you the ability to see through those choices, on to what the show always wanted in its heart to be.

I do find it funny how "Kaleidoscope of Death" and "Death's Kaleidoscope" technically mean the same thing, but they sure read different, don't they?