#bowl snuggie

[aurumacadicus]

Hi I'm sorry I dunno if this counts I just think seeing Tony get actually flustered by this wud be awesome, but bucky giving Tony the worse, WORST, pick up lines like "have you got a map I got lost in you're eyes" kinda bad, off bucky just cos he knows it works even tho Tony doesn't want it too, whether they know eachother before hand or not

Oh no this has awakened something in me.

"Do you have a map?" Bucky asks. Tony slants him a look over his coffee, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What?" "Do you have a map?" Bucky repeats, and then, before he can answer, continues, "Because I got lost in your eyes." Tony's mouth drops open in shock. He hasn't heard a line like that in decades years. He's pretty sure he was just out of college the last time, and the guy had been a total sleeze-bag. Bucky, though, he'd somehow managed to sound sincere? Which is weird. Bucky hasn't talked to him since one halting, awkward, "Sorry for killing your parents," that Tony had brushed off with, "Hydra had my parents killed. You were just a tool." He'd meant it to assuage Bucky's guilt, but he wasn't entirely certain how well it had worked, considering Bucky had sort of... blushed, then gone ashen, then sort of looked ill, and then Steve had grabbed him and whisked him away before he threw up. So he's not entirely sure why Bucky has decided the second thing he wanted to say to him was a cheesy pickup line. "...Anyway," Bucky coughs, then picks up his bowl of cereal and leaves. Tony stares after him, still too stunned to speak. By the time he decides he's just going to take another sip of his coffee, it's gone cold.

Tony thinks it's just a weird fluke. Obviously, something in Bucky's brain just... fizzled weird. Sometimes things like that happened, probably. It was easier than trying to puzzle it. So he thinks nothing of it when Bucky sits down beside him on the couch at three in the morning. Tony knows it was just a matter of time--everyone on the team is haunted by their pasts in some way, and nightmares weren't uncommon. Bucky is silent for a while, just considering the infomercial about Snuggies Tony is watching. Tony lets him be, instead focusing on whether or not it would help to have weights along the robe's hems, or even combining the idea of a Snuggie with a weighted blanket. "Aren't you tired?" Bucky asks suddenly. Tony swivels to face him, stunned. Obviously he is tired. It is three in the morning. Bucky waits another beat, then adds, "Because you've been running through my mind all day." It takes a moment for Tony to realize it was another pickup line. By that time, Bucky has made it halfway into the elevator.

Tony arrives back from a board meeting just in time for movie night. "Tell the others I'll be out as soon as I change into something more comfortable, yeah?" he tells Bucky, already wrestling with his cuff links. "Sure," Bucky says, watching the numbers on the elevator tick up slowly, then turns his gaze on Tony. Tony endures the slow up-and-down with aplomb. Steve gives him the same look sometimes--the 'this suit is obviously worth more than I made in my previous lifetime' look. He doesn't mind it. "You know what you'd look really beautiful in?" Bucky asks. Tony tilts his head skeptically. He looks beautiful in everything. It feels like a trick question. "My arms," Bucky finishes. As soon as the line registers, and Tony realizes Bucky can't escape, he squawks and kicks him in the chest. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!" Bucky bellows once he gets his breath back. "WAS THAT THE SORT OF LINE THAT GOT YOU DATES IN THE FORTIES?!" Tony bellows back. The elevator door opens, and Clint starts to step in, sees Bucky on the floor, and turns on his heel to walk back out. Bucky scrambles after him, clinging to his leg, and Tony closes the doors on Clint screaming that he didn't see anything while Bucky snaps at him to serve as a witness if Tony kills him.

Bucky gets cleared for battle. Tony thinks nothing of it. It's what Bucky's wanted, they don't have to worry about Hydra saying rock-scissors-spoon and getting control of him, and it's always nice to have another sniper (who can also function as a tank). Still. It's his first battle. He isn't used to working as part of a team. Isn't used to having backup. Isn't used to depending on anyone. He doesn't even think to call for help when he's overwhelmed by Doom bots. Luckily, Thor spots him before things go irreversibly wrong, and he only gets a concussion. Unluckily, as it turns out, there is a patient worse than Steve, and it is Bucky. Tony decides to be the bigger person and lead by example. He approaches the medical tent to have a cut on his forehead tended to. It's not a big cut, probably only needs a butterfly bandage, but he's going to be a good teammate and show Bucky that he is an idiot for not letting a medic shine a flashlight in his eyes even if his injury is already starting to heal. He flips his face plate up. "Whoa," Bucky says immediately, and then, "Tony, do you have a band-aid?" Tony narrows his eyes suspiciously. "...No. I came over here to get one." "Oh, that's too bad," Bucky replies, not looking worried about it at all. "It's just that I scraped my knee falling for you." There are witnesses this time, and Tony is vindicated by the fact that everyone is gaping at Bucky in disbelief. "ABSOLUTELY NOT," Steve shouts when Tony lifts his gauntlet, repulsor whirring, and Tony regrets trying to be the bigger person at all.

"If you and I were socks, we'd be a great pair," Bucky says, and Tony leaps over the couch to tackle him with a screech. Steve begins to stand, meaning to pull Tony off of him, then decides against it, flopping back into his seat. "...Should we do something? Natasha asks after a moment, because Tony has shown no indication of stopping trying to strangle him. "I told Bucky that Tony reacts to being wrong-footed with violence," Steve answers flatly. On the bright side, he has control of the remote now. He wants to watch CSI. Bruce peeks over the back of the couch. "Are you sure we shouldn't do something?" "Eh," Steve says, shrugging. "Either they'll kiss or they won't." "I hope they kiss. Tony will be so fucking miserable to live with if he can be smug about killing a super soldier with his bare hands," Natasha sighs, shaking her head.

Bonus: "I'm not going to date you if you keep feeding me corny lines," Tony says sternly. Bucky raises an eyebrow. "Okay, so you want me to be sincere then." "...No," Tony answers sourly. "That would be worse." "So the lesser of two evils," Bucky decides, firm, and Tony grumbles to himself at the fact that Bucky might possibly be right just this once. "Just don't call me a sock again," he mutters, crossing his arms over his chest. "Obviously," Bucky agrees, scowling.

[chris-continues]

What happened…?

Tired college students commemorate one more day of survival

Nai communicates through actions rather than words. (Acts of service FRRRR)

Your eyelashes flutter, breath stuttering upon the realization that the crisp linens and fabric softener scent surrounding you were in fact- not your possessions.

They were his.

Angelic, soft white hair lays spread across his pillow, eyelids opening to reveal his ethereal celeste blue eyes.

How the hell did you even get here? Nothing indecent had transpired between you two- god, of course not, you both had decency. But literally sleeping next to one of your classmates? Who probably found you annoying to no end?

Yeah, not a walk in the park. Not an easy situation to navigate.

“Shit, sorry..” You turned to sit up, Nai following suit. “I don’t know..” your voice drawls off as you intensely stare at your hands in your lap, a futile attempt to ignore the looming presence behind your person.

“You fell asleep on the couch last night.” He explained, “Vash had his.. friend over, so he insisted you rest here. Although I wouldn’t allow you to hog my room for the night.” He huffs frustratedly, “I sincerely hope you had no morning class today, it’s past 7.”

You rack your brain for any semblance of a schedule, and groan. Yeah, your morning class with Vash, and he might’ve slept in. Maybe you could get notes from Meryl.

That also explained the teasing lilt in his voice. “Not a morning person, are you?” You turned around to retort, “And you are?”

“Not really.” He shrugged, standing up to roll his shoulders. “You need to eat, get up.” His eyebrow quirked at your incredulous expression, “What, is your idiocy catching up to you?”

“Yeah, yeah..” you groaned, following him out of his room to the kitchen. He absentmindedly shoved two bagels into the toaster, rummaging the fridge for spread and whatnot.

You stood straight like a bowling pin, having no idea what to do in the slightest. “Uh.. can I help?”

“Drawer to my left, two down. You’ll find a butter knife.” He pauses, “You do enjoy cream cheese, correct?” You walk to fetch him the butter knife before answering, “Yeah, cream cheese is fine.”

It’s a silent exchange as the bagels pop up, and you walk to grab them, bringing them to him as he holds out two Star Wars paper plates for you to place them on.

“Vash insisted.” He spreads the cream cheese on them, “Found them at CVS and insisted we need them.” He scoffs.

“I dunno, I’d say it suits you.” It most certainly did not, Nai Saverem in his petal cloak snuggie spreading cream cheese on bagels placed on a Star Wars paper plate.

It was oddly..

domestic.

[touloserlautrec]

For the ask game! 29. Create a text conversation between two characters to show us their dynamic.

OKAY, you asked for it, co-writer. And boy did this get away from me. (from this ask game)

Fox's phone--Text log with "Sandy-doodle-doo"

Saturday 8:47 PM Sandy: Hey

Saturday 9:11 PM Sandy: Hey

Saturday 9:14 PM Sandy: Hey u up

Fox: Sadly

Sandy: I have an important question for you

Fox: Shoot

Sandy: Say a man had a new bottle of whiskey

Fox: I'm with you and I like where this is going

Sandy: And say he also came into possession of a worm

Fox: Sandy I don't love where this is going but I am picking up what you're putting down and no

Sandy: Could I put the worm in the whiskey and make it awesome like tequila but awesomer because it's barrel aged

Fox: I love your weird, beautiful brain, but please back away and put the worm down

Sandy: Would you still love me if I were a worm?

Fox: Maybe

Sandy: What if I told you I have a snuggie with your name on it?

Fox: Then definitely yes I would still love you. Please don't drown yourself in whiskey

Sandy: Too late ;) hang on lemme send you an unsolicited pic

Sandy: [pic of a snuggie, custom printed with a photo of Fox's face tiled on it]

Fox: 🤣🤣🤣 you're fucking kidding this is amazing is that real???🤣🤣🤣

Sandy: u know it bb

Sandy: come over ;)

Fox: Swooning, omw but please get rid of the worm

Sandy: Her name is STEPHANIE and she is my GIRLFRIEND so you SHUT YOUR MOUTH

Sunday 1:12 AM Fox: I wnat you to know that i am v pleased but also teh bathtub is v hard to pour

Sunday 1:14 AM Fox: I can't believe you'd get me drunka nd not even text back when I am drowningg

Sunday 9:03 AM Sandy: Hey sorry I missed ur text I passed out pretty much as soon as you left. We forgot to turn off the game, it looks like one of your Sims perished in the bathroom with his cereal, sorry RIP

Sunday 10:45 AM Sandy: Hey man, you okay? Did you really drown?

Sunday 10:58 AM Sandy: Should I come over and check on you?

Sunday 11:04 AM Sandy: I'm coming over

Sunday 11:14 AM Sandy: I'm here. Your door is locked. U home?

Sandy: Okay, I'm slipping a note under your door and if you're dead you'll have to haunt me about it.

Sunday 12:31 PM Sandy: I texted Anise and she said you're with Louis. Condolences. But peep the note under your door when you get home

Sunday 6:59 PM Fox: Hey sorry, my phone drowned in the bathtub last night but all hail the bowl of rice. Also, wtf, you do know that putting a note that says "S.O.S." under my door to try to help me isn't how that works, right?

Sandy: Yay! You're not dead! 🎉

Fox: Just sliding right past that one, huh?

Sandy: 🤷‍♂️

[queer-cosette]

It's eleven pm, I'm sitting on the couch wrapped in a snuggy and a tartan blanket with fuzzy slippers on my feet, wearing my favourite cute outfit, writing smut and eating a bowl of mangetouts. My Catholic ancestors fucking wish they were me

[bishiglomper]

Yesterday I was in agony for a couple hours with gut and heart issues and somehow I knew even though it felt like I was put through war, it wouldn't affect my fatigue levels the next day. Yknow, like a nice hour at bowling put me out for 24+ hours.

Bad timing with sleep notwithstanding, I'm fine. Fatigue wise.

We went out and my body tried to fall apart. We popped my ankle but it still ached like a bitch to walk on. And I had tachycardia when I woke up. It went away after about 2 hours. But by the time I got home my back, hip and knee were fucked because of how I was walking and my stomach feels like it has rocks in it. and also I've got a headache now. Both a tight band and a stabbing.

I feel like a hot mess

In nicer news, all 3 womens ended up with super comfy and cute jeans for $3 each and niece got me a snuggie hoodie. Because she noticed how I've been all bundled up lately. 🥰

[theboysfromaustin]

Kazuo takes up a terrible hobby: buying as-seen-on-TV products

Gav is like, "Ian, you can stop this by not paying him." Ian is incapable of doing this, so you have Kazuo lurching around the house in two Snuggies like the Cryptkerper and microwaving bacon bowls

[sugarcult]

Me at 12 EST every day since Tuesday: *wearing a snuggie and holding a large bowl of popcorn* I’m being so blessed with all these new episodes of my favorite TV drama “C-SPAN”

[juliakayschafer]

SUSTAINABLE ISOLATION PART 4 - SEW SOMETHING

SUSTAINABLE ISOLATION PART 4 – SEW SOMETHING

This morning was chiiiiilllllly! Here in South East Queensland we are heading into Winter and with that comes the switch from BBQs and salads to the good old hearty comfort foods; casseroles, soups and stews, big steaming bowls of porridge and pasta. And I know its a first world problem but when you snuggle up on the couch with your piping hot meal, you tend to get piping hot fingers as well!…

[vodkainthebath]

My grandma got me this snuggy nearly 14 years ago and it's still one of the best/most used gifts I've ever gotten 👌🏼 makes packing the bowl and keeping warm easy 😋

[cevansbrat0007]

The Visitor

Summary: Reader receives a surprise visit from the last person she ever expects. Andy Barber x Black!Reader, A.J. Barber

Warnings: Angst, Jacob Barber, Talk of Death, Surprised Reader, Sympathetic Reader, A.J. Cuteness, Angry Andy, Accepting Andy, Fluff, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: Part of my Growing Pains Series. Please enjoy and let me know what you think. Feedback is always appreciated. Semi-proofread. All mistakes my own. Thanks for reading!

___ 

“How ya feelin’ buddy?” You ask your sweet A.J. from his place on the couch. Your poor baby was home sick today, which he hated, because he loved preschool. He was snuggled in his favorite Paw Patrol blanket with a cool compress on his forehead. “Does your tummy still hurt?”

A.J. shakes his head “no”. “I hungwy, Mama.”

“Okay.” You gingerly rub his belly. “You wanna try some soup?”

He nods. “Chicky stars pwease.”

“Comin’ right up, little dude. Drink your water, okay?”

Leaving him in the living room, you enter the kitchen, only to hear your phone ringing. Seeing it was your husband, you hit “answer”. 

“Hey, Andy.” You greet him as you crack open a can of Campbell’s Chicken & Stars soup and pour it into a pot, along with some water, before turning on the burner. “What’s up, my love?”

“Nothing. About to go into a meeting. Just wanted to check on you and our little guy.” 

His concern for you both makes you smile.

“We’re fine, baby. A.J.’s fever broke and he said his tummy doesn’t hurt anymore, so we’re gonna try some soup. I’ve got it heating up now. You wanna talk to him?”

“Sure.” Your husband chuckles. Leaving the soup on the stove you head back to the living room. 

“A.J., someone wants to talk to you!” You tell him in a sing-song voice while dangling the phone in front of him. He quickly takes it out of your hand.

“Hello?” He asks, holding the phone to his ear.

“Hi, Junior! It’s daddy - how are you feeling, buddy?”

“Hi daddy! I is okay. Tummy better. No mo’ frow up.” 

“Well, that makes me super happy to hear. Daddy was worried about you, little man.”

A.J. coughs a few times. “No worry bout dah A.J. I stwong. Tough wike daddy.”

You can hear Andy’s laughter from your place beside your son on the couch. 

“You’re super tough, Junior. Ope - daddy’s gotta go, buddy. I love you.”

“Wuv too! Buh-bye.” Your baby ends the call before you can take the phone back. 

Oh well. You’d see your man tonight.

Jogging back into the kitchen, you turn off the soup and ladle some into a bowl so that it can cool. While that’s doing its thing, fish out A.J.’s favorite Paw Patrol spoon. And then you pour him a little apple juice into a sippy cup. 

Food in hand, along with some napkins, you return to where your sick little dude is resting. He sits up when he sees you, softly clapping his hands. “Fanks, Mama.”  

“No problem, baby. Let Mama grab a tray and then she’ll get you all set up.”

“An’ den snuggies?” 

“Yes, sweet boy. And then we can snuggle.”

Once you’ve got A.J. taken care of, you decide it’s time to make a little lunch for yourself. Perhaps a sandwich would –

*Ding*

The sound of the doorbell surprises you. Pivoting away from the kitchen, you turn and make your way to the front door. Assuming it was something from Amazon, you open the door with no real thought, only to step back in surprise when you get a look at the nervous woman standing on your front porch. 

Gretchen?

“Um, hello. I’m, uh, um - is this - is this Andrew Barber’s house? Someone told me it was but…”

“Uhh…” Is all you can muster as all thoughts of lunch fly out the window. Or in this case, the open door.

“I’m Gretchen Talbert, his mother-in-law. I mean his former mother-in-law. Sorry.” She tries again. 

You shake your head and clear your throat. “Yes, this is his house, I mean, our house. This is our house, together.” You respond, wincing at the defensiveness creeping into your tone. 

“Right. You must be his wife. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t -” Gretchen stammers.

“How about we start this over?” You offer her your hand, which she accepts. “Hi, I’m Andy’s wife, Y/N. How can I help you, Ms. Talbert?” You give her what you hope comes off as a friendly smile. 

“Please, call me Gretchen. And I was hoping to speak with Andrew about something. I know he sometimes works from his home office, or at least comes back for lunch, and I was hoping to catch him.”

“Well, he’s not here. And even if he was, I’m not sure if he’d want to see you.” You can tell your words hurt the woman, which wasn’t your intent. “I just mean, you two seeing each other might not be the best idea, is all.” 

According to Andy, the last time the two of them had been in the same room things had gotten pretty explosive. 

A tearful Gretchen nods her head. 

Not wanting to continue having this conversation on your front porch, and needing to keep an ear out for your sick child, you invite her inside so that you’re both standing in the foyer. “Hold on a sec.” You tell her. “I’ve got a little one home from school.” 

“A.J., baby, are you okay?” You call out. 

“Yeah, Mama. Soup’s yummy!” He shouts back. 

Satisfied that he was alright, you turn your attention back to the woman in front of you. 

“Look, I um, was just about to make lunch. Why don’t you come in and join me?”

“No, no. It’s okay. You don’t have to -” She starts, slowly backing away.

You run a hand through your curls. “I know what I don’t have to do, Gretchen. But I would also like to avoid all this potential soap opera crap. So at least let me get you something to drink. And maybe you can tell me why you need to talk to Andy…”

___

“Thank you.” the older woman murmurs as she sips on her glass of raspberry iced tea. 

“You’re welcome.” You respond as you finish prepping your roasted turkey sandwiches on ciabatta bread. “Mayo, mustard, or oil and red wine vinegar?”

“Oil and vinegar, please.”

“Excellent choice.” You say as you slather both sandwiches with the dressing before adding a dash of salt and pepper, as well as a pinch of garlic. You add some chips to your respective plates before joining your husband’s ex-mother-in-law at the kitchen table.

You and your husband’s ex-mother-in-law.

“Here you are.” The woman smiles and takes a bite. 

“Good?” You ask. After all, you’d roasted the turkey yourself.

“Very.”

You both eat in silence for a few moments, unsure of where to begin. Your mind briefly wanders to A.J. and then you remind yourself that you’d already checked on him, giving him more soup and apple juice. Your kiddo was fine. 

“I, um, I was surprised to see that you had a picture of Andy and Jacob in the entryway.”

You set down your sandwich and wipe your hands. 

“We actually have pictures of him all throughout the house. We, Andy and I, felt that it was important for our children to get to know their brother.” 

And that was the honest truth. Bianca had been incredibly curious about her late brother for the longest, and was always asking Andy to tell her stories about him. Over time, your other little ones had joined in and, after a long discussion between the two of you, you had decided that it was time to acknowledge Jacob. He deserved a presence in your home. And it was important that his half-siblings knew who he was. 

“Wow.” She clears her throat. “Thank you, Y/N, for not, uh, forgetting my boy.” You reach over and grab her hand. 

“Even if we wanted to, which we don’t, our babies wouldn’t let us. Your grandson, Jacob, is very much a part of this family, Gretchen. Whatever happened in the past deserves to be left firmly in the past. We all make mistakes. I know Jacob may or may not have made quite a few, but that doesn’t mean he’s not loved. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t deserve to be remembered.” 

The woman dabs her eyes with her napkin. “Thank you.” She whispers.

“Of course.” 

“I have to say that you’re, uh, different than I thought you’d be. I mean, I had heard through the grapevine that Andy had remarried some years back, but…”

“And what exactly did you expect me to be like? A bitch?”

A sheepish Gretchen has the sense to look embarrassed. “I suppose so, yes.”

“I mean, that’s not my typical M.O, but I suppose we all have our days.” 

“Right, of course.” She takes another bite of her food before washing it down with a sip of her drink. “May I ask just how many children you have?”

“Four. Although sometimes it feels like double that.” You tell her. “Three girls and a boy. Our oldest girl, Bianca, is eight, Katrina is five, and Rory and A.J. are both two. They’re twins by the way, in case you didn’t catch that.” You finish with a wink.

“Sounds like you’re a very busy woman.” 

“Most days. But it’s worth it.” You offer up a shrug and a smile.

“I miss being a grandmother,” Gretchen whispers, tears once again filling her eyes. This time, a few manage to spill over. “I miss holding my baby. Both of them.” 

“Gretchen…”

“I don’t know what happened. Maybe I should have paid better attention. Should’ve checked on Laurie and Jacob more when everything was going on. It was just…too much at times. It’s probably the reason your husband can’t seem to look at me and -”

“Gretchen, stop. Don’t take yourself down that road.” Your hand squeezes hers. “What is it you want from Andy? What are you looking for from him?”

You watch as the woman sobs softly into her napkin for another moment.

“I want Andy to come visit Jacob with me. His birthday is coming up and I want him to…” She clears her throat. “I want him to know that his father and grandmother came to see him. Together.”

You’re not sure why, but her request surprises you. Of all the things she could’ve wanted to ask your husband, you hadn’t been expecting that. 

Her request makes your heart hurt. As a wife. As a parent. As a mother. 

Just then, little A.J. toddles his cute self into the kitchen. 

“All dun’ wif’ dah soup, Mama. Yummy.” He hands you his bowl and spoon and then he turns to Gretchen. “Hi miss lady. I sick. Mama say buggies in dah tummy.” He pokes his belly for emphasis. 

“Well, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well, sweetheart.” The older woman tells him through her watery smile. 

You pick him up and place him in your lap to check if he has a fever. Hmm…maybe a low grade one. You were going to have to end things with Gretchen soon. Plus, it was almost time for you to give your baby his cold medication. 

“Mama, wan’ snuggies.” A.J. whines as he burrows deeper into your chest. 

“I know bud. And I’m sorry. I was just talking to Jacob’s grandma for a minute.”

Your son looks between the two of you before settling his focus on the other woman at the table. 

“Like our Jacob?” A.J. asks, his eyes wide.

“Yes, our Jacob.” You tell him. “This is his grandmama.” He turns to give her a shy wave, which she readily returns. 

“Jacob mah bruver.” He tells her. “He in heaven now, but we still wuv ‘im.”

“I’m sure he loves you too, you sweet little boy.” She’s quick to assure him.

“Why don’t you tell Miss Gretchen your full name, A. J.? Go ahead.” Your baby puffs out his chest before responding. 

“I is Andrew Jacob Barber Jr.” 

“What a beautiful name. Thank you for sharing that with me.” She looks like she’s about to cry all over again. 

“Welcome! Fweinds call muh’ A.J.”

“Alright, bud. Back to the couch. Mama will be in shortly.” 

He scampers off and then moments later, you hear the sound of a door slam, followed by Andy’s voice as he checks on your son. 

Once again, you reach over and grab Gretchen’s hand.

This was going to be awkward no matter what, but as long as Andy’s temper didn’t come into play, you’d all make it through this. Hopefully.

You both wait as you hear footsteps approach the kitchen. 

“What the hell is this?” Your husband growls as he takes in the sight of the two of you sitting at the table, sharing a meal. “Why are you here, Gretchen? What are you doing in my home?”

“Our home, Andrew.” You mutter out the reminder.

“What?” He turns his glare on you.

“I said this is our home, and I invited her in. She would like to talk to you, and I think you should listen.”

Your husband stares you down, his captivating blue eyes are hard and unreadable.  

“We have nothing to talk about.”

“From one mother to another, I wholeheartedly disagree. Step outside and talk to -”

“My ex-mother-in-law?”

“No, you buttface. I want you to go outside and talk with a mother who is grieving. Deeply. Please.”

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m hungry and I’m tired and I’m not in the mood to hear about how much of a shit father this woman thinks I used to be.” He mumbles to nobody in particular.

“You’re hungry? Here.” You say as you hand him your plate. You’d only taken two bites of the damned sandwich and you could always make yourself another one. “Now, please. Walk Gretchen out and just listen to her.”

Andy accepts the plate with a nod before taking a bite. He takes a moment to wolf down the half you’d nibbled on before placing it back on the table. 

“I’ll be back for the rest, Y/N.” He presses a kiss to your forehead. “Alright, Gretchen. Let’s talk.” ___

Nearly an hour later…

You’re snuggled up and dozing with a sleeping A.J. when Andy finally walks through the front door. 

“Hey…” You whisper when he walks right past you without a word. Untangling yourself from your son, you follow your husband into the kitchen where you see him enjoying the second half of your sandwich. 

You’d been so caught up in the drama that you’d forgotten to make yourself something else to eat. Trying to keep the mood casual, you walk over to the fridge and pull out all of the fixings to make another sandwich. 

“How’d things go?”

“Fine.” Andy grunts through a mouthful of food. 

“Just fine?” You ask as you place your turkey on the ciabatta before topping it with a piece of Muenster cheese. And then you go to slice your tomatoes and pickles. 

He sighs. “We’re going to visit Jacob in a couple weeks for his birthday. Actually, we’re uh, gonna try to visit him together more often.” He clears his throat. “So he knows that we’re thinking about him.”

Andy looks over at you, his beautiful eyes welling with tears. 

“He needs to know that his father thinks about him. All the time. And I need to tell him that myself.” 

You glide over to your man, wrapping your arms around his big body. 

“Yes, you do.” You wipe away a stray tear. “I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you for talking to your ex. I’m sure it was painful, but you did it. And maybe one day we can all go with you to see Jacob.”

“Yeah?” He whispers against the top of your head. “You’d do that?”

“Of course we would.” You pull away from him and lovingly pat his chest. “Now finish eating and go cuddle with A.J., it’ll help. Plus, Mama’s gotta make herself another sandwich.”

Andy finishes his lunch, wipes his hands, and walks off to go snuggle with his baby boy. 

By the time you join them in the living room with your food, you find A.J. once again fast asleep atop your husband’s chest, both of them snoring softly.

Grabbing another blanket, you cover both of them up before kissing their foreheads. 

Sweet dreams, my loves.

END

[911prompts]

911 Prompt Masterlist

eddie and abuela watch telenovellas together

the 118 goes to the beach and buck decides to surf for the first time in years

buck asks about becoming a lieutenant

bobby sends linda recipes to give to eddie; its his way to take care of eddie

buck and christopher nurse a bird back to health

eddie doesn't like scrabble because he's dyslexic *

phillip & margaret were doomdayers - aka buck & maddie grew up in a bunker (blast from the past inspired au)

eddie knits

gregg's widow shows up at the 118 to thank eddie for bringing his body home

buck was a ranch hand on an alpaca farm

chimney actually cashes in on his snuggie idea

the buckley family immigrated froma soviet country when buck was little

the 118 gets a nice bonus and buck blows through it right away to get a new motorbike

buck was a tour guide to the penguin colonies in peru instead of a bartender

christopher gets his own clipboard

buck is a beekeeping enthusiast

buck traveled with the circus pre-118 and is now an insane juggler

buck's first teen romance resulted in a pregnancy

buck or eddie get a traumatic injury and have to relearn how to walk and talk

buck and his son go to the barber together

buck handling horses

eddie's breakdown but buck was on shift when christopher calls

eddie didn't answer anita mills call in august; in april, he wishes he had

angsty phillip buckley character study

abuela adopts buck from foster care *

chimney's dad is a crime lord

doug dies and buck helps maddie cover it up pre-canon

eddie and his company are haunted by the spirits of the valley of the dead

buck and his childhood friends that helped him survive hershey

abby comes back to la after seeing buck and the ladder truck accident on the news

Buck and Taylor have a one night stand as strangers in college that results in a pregnancy

the buckleys are amish; buck and maddie leave amish life at 18

eddie and abuela crocheting and gossiping

bobby and athena get together on the bachelor

buck makes up random facts to see if anyone ever realizes they aren't real

buck was one of youtube's first vloggers as he documented his travels

christopher's friend has a massive crush on him and he's completely oblivious

buck was a lifeguard in peru - ends up putting those skills to use on a call with the 118

eddie had a mustache while in the army. pictures are found.

buck teaches some kids skateboard tricks while on a call

taylor kelly's dad took the fall for her killing her mom

buck goes to maddie after her suicide attempt and he brings her to a clinic in LA

eddie was a secret agent *

Phillip Buckley tells hospital Buck’s past history of suicide attempt after the warehouse fire - medical history that neither Margaret, Maddie or the 118 knew

buck was in the quiz bowl league growing up

eddie does goofy dances to make christopher smile

bucks runs into abby on a layover on his way to oklahoma for taylor

photojournalist captures a picture of buck and christopher in the tsunami *

buck comes into custody of the children of his childhood friends

anita mills comes to eddie for help with her ptsd

different buckley family secret; buck is the product of an extramarital affair

maddie writes dear daniel letters

buck married in peru and didn't the divorce didn't go through

buck is older then maddie

margaret buckley died young; buck & maddie struggle growing up with a grieving absent father

buck worked as a sales pitchman on tv before the 118

buck is connected to a murder in Peru that happened on a night he has little to no memory of 

terrorists put eddie and his army company publicly on a hit list

buck adopts a homeless teenager

buck has donated sperm in the past and has dozens of kids (delivery man inspired)

the 118 gets called to a suicide in progress - patient is anita mills

buck is paralyzed by the ladder truck bombing

bodycam footage is leaked of Eddie’s shooting and inside the ladder truck 

buck was on scholarship and was scouted for the nfl, before dropping out

daniel died in an accident as a teenager instead

shannon comes back after tsunami - eddie/shannon redemption arc

buckley parents are love guru radio personalities - chimney starts using their advice for maddie and buck wants it all to end 

buck was a teacher before deciding to change careers to be a firefighter; he runs into some old students on a call

buck and phillip have only ever teamed up to take care of the girls; buck just never thought his dad would push it to the extent he does

mental illness runs in the buckley family; daniel committed suicide as a teenager

buck has a pre-teen from a past relationship who he's only allowed to see sparingly (aftersun inspired)

buck was treasure hunting in peru until things got too real. he leaves the mystery behind until it comes knocking back into his life years later (outerbanks inspired)

buck and maddie grew up poor 

buck got his high school girlfriend pregnant. they panic and hide the pregnancy - giving the kid up for adoption. it goes well until the child shows up as a teenager wanting buck to sign emancipation papers (life unexpected inspired)

in college buck helped make an app to help people out of unsafe situations with strangers; it ends up being used when eddie is trying to flirt with someone. buck finds it hilarious

daniel buckley was kidnapped as a child - it turned into a cold case until new information came to light 20+ years later

buck is peter pan au

eddie is unwell and starts hallucinating shannon

buck is a secret airbender

the buckley family immigrated from belarus - to the surprise of the 118, buck speaks russian on a scene to help locate a family in distress

buck and his dad are involved in the disappearance of doug; maddie is none-the-wiser

buck makes a career change after lightning strike

chief is harsher on buck because he has big plans for buck's LAFD future

updated 4/2/24

prompts with * means there has been a fic posted inspired by this prompt (confirmed by author).

prompts typed in red are the most recently added prompts.

You can find all prompt fills in the masterlist here. You are welcome to use a prompt that already has a fill.

Please let me know if you post any cause I would love to read and link.

[bwoahtastic]

Seb walking into the playroom with a bowl of the bread basket's favorite cereal snack. And they crawl swarm Sebs legs squeaking and purring lol. When he sets down the bowl all three sit on their chonqy bums and ignore Seb as they eat their snack lol.

Sjskks plss the three bread rolla being adorable and squeakinf and hugging Seb's legs just being little angels so momma likes them!

Seb giving them the snack and instantly they dont need momma anymore lol, they just sit eating their snacks and grumping a bit at each otherbso there is no snack stealing!

Lance seeing Seb looking at them a bit exasperated and then wobbling over and asking momma for snuggies! Finally some alone time now the bread basket is busy snacking lol

[etherealtobio]

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐩𝐭. 𝟏

part 2

— haikyuu characters and what they’d do to help you sleep ♡

— feat. akaashi, atsumu, bokuto, hinata, kageyama, kita, osamu, suna, and tsukishima

— contains: gn!reader, established relationships, food mentions, slight manga spoilers, & slight crack bc that's just how it is <3

— a/n: this is for my beloved insomniacs, and here's my first headcanon !! LETSGOOO <3 i hope u enjoy and pls reblog if u liked it !! part 2 is up now╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

⇨ 𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈 reads you a book !! have you heard of his voice ?? SO soothing which will lull you to sleep <3 he asks you what book you want him to read but he sometimes insists on reading you stories you haven't heard before, just because he knows you'll love what he picks. sometimes would make fun of you and would search the web to read smut. he says it'll make you uncomfy and force you to sleep. you know the ones that are so explicit? yeah, we won't elaborate on that. don't ask me how he reads them with a straight face. "akaashi, please stop" "but this is really good" "yeah but i wouldn't be able to take you seriously" "then i'll read more passionately" "babe if you don't sTOP-"

⇨ 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 is SO hyper. mans still has energy after volleyball practice and doesn't hesitate to ask you if you "wanna pillow fight?" ?? then proceeds to hit you before you even begin to talk. you gasp in shock as he hits your face so you try to hit him back, but the way he sways his pillow onto you is so strong which overpowers your will to do so. how strong is this man anyway ?? his last hit makes you fall back onto the bed, then he lays down beside you to trap you in his arms. "you tired?" "yes, 'tsumu, now let me go" "no" "you should've just asked if you wanted to cuddle so we can sleep" baby just wanted snuggies after all :')

⇨ 𝐁𝐎𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐎 asks "you can't sleep? mE TOO" then turns the TV on to watch a movie with you <3 he storms out the room before the movie starts and grabs a bowl of popcorn on the way back and you chose not to mind the ones that fell on the floor when he ran back to you. he likes cuddles and initiates to be the big spoon bc he wants you to be comfy. he'd pick a romcom so both of you would feel light-hearted before sleeping. but really, it's just an excuse for him to avoid watching horror movies with you, and you insist otherwise. "bo, why don't you want to watch a horror movie anyway?" "i'd be too scared to sleep" "but i'm here?" "i have you and me that i have to protect from ghosts ok" i can imagine him instantly standing up just when he hears a strange noise coming out of nowhere HFJSDGF A BIG BABY

⇨ 𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀 is really excited to hear that you can't sleep because he was too hyper to do so. will ask you if you wanted to bike with him. bike ?? but he insists Miyagi's roads are safe to stroll around at night. he grabs the two bikes for you and both of you start to talk about life under the starry night <3 "what do you think of my spikes" "hinata, you ask me this literally everyday" "but you give me the best compliments!!" "fine, you're really good. but next time don't hit kageyama's head while serving" "you don't have to bring that up!!1!" all the cycling made you tired, so as you get back home, you feel drowsy and tired enough to fall asleep, and he is as well <3

⇨ 𝐊𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐘𝐀𝐌𝐀 tells you that it’s good to drink milk before sleeping. he actually does this and you notice that he’s fast asleep afterwards (when does he ever not drink milk anyways ??). whenever you tell him you can’t sleep, he makes sure that there’s a stock of milk cartons in the fridge just to make sure to never run out <3 “i can’t sleep” “how about you drink your milk” “but i'm gonna feel full” “well i’m not one who has a messed up sleep schedule, boke” he didn’t have to call you out like that 😔 but he got out of bed to pour you a glass of milk regardless <3

⇨ 𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐀 is really strict with you since he knows how sleep is important to you. he will NOT hesitate to wait for you to say that you can’t sleep. instead, he would give you lavender-scented candles and an eye mask before bedtime. he also cooks you boiled eggs since he says it helps with the melatonin, but will give you a tart cherry juice instead if you preferred not to eat <3 vERY responsible boyfriend, don't argue with me on this !! he'd also tell you to do the 4-7-8 breathing technique if you still can't sleep. "are you sure this will help?" "Obachan told me about this technique and it makes me fall asleep faster, try it" then proceeds to cuddle you whilst you do it. before you know it, you're already fast asleep !! although you'd have to ask him the next day about which helped you sleep faster <3

⇨ 𝐎𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐔 insists to cook you something. you told him you were too hungry to sleep, so he brings you to the kitchen so you can watch him cook :') he says ramen is too heavy to digest at night so he cooks you miso soup instead !! this soup contains a lot of benefits so he's more than glad to offer you something that will be good for you <3 you watch him prepare all the ingredients before putting it altogether like magic. even if you don't like miso, the way he cooks it will be a life-changer for you because this man not only cooks, he cooks with passion !! you both devour the carefully-made soup then head back to your room to prepare to sleep <3 "did you like it?" "i did, 'samu, it tasted really good" "don't make yourself hungry before bedtime next time" but really, you just can't resist his perfect food recipes <3

⇨ 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐀 shows you his stolen pics of the team (especially atsumu LOL) which makes you both laugh so hard your cheeks and stomachs hurt !! he would also tell you the backstory of each picture so you would know the context. there are several questionable scenes, one of which is kita massaging his forehead in the background while atsumu flashes his butt to the team inside the locker room. another one is a blurred selfie with the team in the background dancing to tiktok songs. "and if you look closely, you'll see a disappointed aran" "i bet this was atsumu's idea" "yeah, especially this one song where you throw it back." both of you get exhausted with the laughing and cackling so you finally fall asleep afterwards, with his arm around your waist <3

⇨ 𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐀 gives you his giant dinosaur plushie. you’d be confused at first, because he doesn’t let anyone, not even yamaguchi, touch those plushies he cherishes very dearly. he actually has to choose since he has a ton of these in different dinosaur species. you know this, because he snuggles with different ones every night. you know that meme with the girlfriend sleeping with her 500 dollar four foot tall mareep? yep, that’s the sitch 😔 heart been broke so many times. BUT tsukishima is actually sweet enough to let you hold his plushies. “tsukki,, i can’t sleep” “here, have this T-rex” “but you don’t let anyone touch your plushies” “these help me sleep and it’s you anyways, take it” 🥺🥺🥺 then he insists to put the plushie between you both so he can cuddle it as well. tsukki said sharing is caring <3

©️ ETHEREALTOBIO - do not copy, translate, or repost

[peasofgreeniguess]

Can you do something with Lust, Fresh, and Nightmare. Maybe about stress with school. These 3 are my favorites and I don’t see anything with them too often.

Sure’ I love those three to :)

You sit at a desk, your head in between your hands. Empty cups of canned coffee litter the table and your laptop was as hot as a oven. Nightmare walks into the kitchen to grab some food for the movie night later and stops at the table. “You good?” He says moving his cup to one of the tenticals and rests his hand on yours. “I’m fine just… a lot of stuff to do before break ends.” He looks at the screen and his brows furrowed. He pays your shoulder and just says “I’ll be right back…” before shortcutting away… you were alone again.

About a hour later fresh walks in, he was wearing a Snuggie and grabbing bags of chips from the cabinet . “What the hell-“ you say looking at the tall skeleton, he just smiled and said “ you will see soon rockstar “ before running out of the kitchen- less than ten minutes later you feel something grab and lift you out of your chair, nightmare, looked up as he held you above his head. “ break time” is all he says before taking you into the living room, you look over to see a huge fort, fluffy blankets reach across the room as little lights hang from them, the tv turned on and in perfect veiw from inside the blankets, speaking of, two skeletons sit waiting for you, pillows set like a throne with bowls of chips and cookies around, fresh and lust smile at you from inside, both wore pajamas, now you notice- so was nightmare. He sets you down and smiles leaving once again to grab one last thing. Lust starts to speak “ nightmare told us you were overworking yourself, so we made you a hideaway…” he finished opening his arms for you to crawl into, fresh grabs a remote and looks at the two of you “cartoons or live action?” He asks and you respond, lust nodding with your answer. Nightmare comes back with a hoodie and fluffy pants from your room. “You should be comfy to” he says moving his head to the exits of the fort, privacy for you to change. You three end up staying there for the rest of the night, sharing food, cuddles, and movies untill you’re deemed de-stressed enough for them.

[cypric-rat-hyperfixation]

Some rat art prompts

Why not?

Not that you need to tag me, but I would love to see what you guys do with these ideas 👉👈

Rat violently stabbing an apple with a scalpel or toothpick

Three trans lesbian rats cuddling

Plain white rat painting a pride flag on its own fur

Cold nakey rat being offered a jacket by a caring rat with fur

Rat sailing in a Tupperware bowl

Rats sitting in a boat with fishpoles and peas biting their lines. Pea fishing

Hurting and emotionally shattered rat being accepted and consoled by a compassionate friend

Group of rats playing dnd together

Rat wearing a punk bracelet like a belt

Vision-impaired rat with its guide bug<3

Rats playing video games

Nelson the cheester

Plato's Symposium but it's rats

Mama reunited with her kitten that was lost

Medieval blacksmith rat secretly gay lovers with the medieval baker rat next door

Rat tucking/binding for the first time and just being so fucking euphoric

Rat ADHDing all over the room

Rat stimming by popcorning around

An inventor rat inventing a machine that opens the bag of yogies the normal way so that the human will never know they were stolen! c:<

Rat being gendered correctly and being all euphoric

Bulky, heavyset, battle-scarred artisan rat taking on a teeny little bright-eyed mouse apprentice

Swarm of rats killing cops

Intersex pride rat

Cold nakey rat shivering and cuddling closely into a grinning harley rat

Rat stimming by woogling the noodle

PMD-style rat team in a dungeon

Flirty, self-confident rat embarrassing the shit out of a flattered bashful rat

Stimmy hands!!!! Happy hands rat!!!!!!!

Neil x Giant Rat That Makes All Of The Rules

Club scene featuring a rat bar, stripper rats dancing, a DJ rat manning an Alexa, and rats switching pieces of differently colored glass in front of flickering flashlights for the lighting

Lab escapees living happily out in the city together

Rat who loves another rat supporting them even though their feelings are not returned

Outer space excursion!

ALIEN RATS???

Rats doing TikToks

Nakey rat carefully applying sunscreen to itself

Rat stimming by wiggling the whiskers

Wounded mama rat trying to provide for her babies

Rat making little clothes out of yarn

Trauma survivor rat going about life

Rat struggling to injure a zombie rat it loved when it was alive

Vengeance

Fat rat showing love and care to its own body! Stretch marks if nakey

Cthulhu rat

Lochness Ratster

Rat collecting shells beside the sea

Rat collecting snail shells and pebbles beside the lake/river

Physically disabled rat with prosthetics made from found things like toothpicks, paper clips, watch parts, screws, scraps of rubber, necklace chains, etc

Rat collecting nuts, bolts, and tools from a hardware store

Rat finding something stimmy and going ham!

Dragon rat and its hoard

A nerd rat's extensive collection of dice

Fiery rat yelling "YEEEEEHAW!!!" while clinging to the back of an enraged lion

Rat snuggying a little keychain plushie

Cave paintings of rats

Rats riding saddled corvids

Vines but as rats

Heavily tattooed nakey rat

Rat dancing around on a slab of clay to make a r t

Rat sailing in a makeshift boat, collecting pieces of glass, driftwood, and seaweed in the water

Proud mama rat cheering on her kitten as it wins a race

Terrified but charismatic rat trying to talk its way out of being eaten by a mildly amused predator

Rat that has shaved itself nakey except for a dyed tuft on top

DRAG RACE RATS

Cold, distant, emotionally-closed-off-due-to-emotional-damage rat opening up to a compassionate new friend

No thoughts head empty

Cyborg rat

Cocky group of well-groomed harley fancy rats shunning the "commoner" wild rats outside the window begging for food

Rat getting so happy and stimmy and boggling uncontrollably, perhaps while a friend looks on and laughs lovingly

Nakey rat with HELLA freckles

Scenes from religious texts but using rats

Rat shyly asking another rat if it can be lovers with that rat's lover, too

Ur rat looks gnc af😳

Meme rats (e.g. Neil, GRTMAOTR) doing a meet-and-greet like celebrities

Rat drug deal. The drug is that honey they're addicted to

Swarm of rats killing nazis and conservatives and other fascists, racists, bigots, and alt-righters

Famous artists as rats making their famous works but as rats (e.g. rat Da Vinky making rat Mona Lisa)

Rats skydiving and parasailing and shit using empty plastic bags

Rats playing dnd using those teeny tiny little dice in their lil rat hands

Biblically accuRATe angel

Vintage robot rat with cogs n' shit

[bae-science]

@catboy-newt-geiszler i’m your secret santa! here’s a little fic under the cut, and happy holidays! 🎊✨🕯🌲

The thing about freshman, Newt has realized, and contrary to popular belief, is that they cannot smell fear, but they can smell leeway.

Number of times he’s seen someone with headphones on during a lecture? At least twenty. Number of people who show up to class in snuggies? Two on the reg. That one kid who brought an entire rotisserie chicken, set it down at their desk, and had eaten the entire thing to the bone by the time he was giving out homework? Going places, Newt can tell.

The point is that nobody actually cares about General Biology I, and he can’t blame them. You don’t actually get to the good stuff until Invertebrate Zoology, and even then, he got in big trouble last semester for the scorpion-powered laser. That being said, Newt likes to find fun in the little things, so he tries to give his students a reason to remember anything beyond what the mitochondria does.

“Anyway,” he finishes explaining to fifty four rapt baby bio majors, “that’s how, based on the movie Rampage, which is ninety per-cent bullshit by the way, there’s a lot of potential to make the Puppy Bowl way more interesting.”

A girl raises her hand in the back, and Newt shoots a finger gun in her direction. “Question?”

“Dr. Newt?” she asks, twirling her pencil nervously between her fingers. “Are we going to cover the material for the module four quiz today? Because Canvas says it’s a week overdue for me.”

Newt blinks. “Uh. Quiz canceled. Watch Rampage this weekend, send me at least a page on how you would have killed the gorilla, and you get an A for completion.”

A coordinated hiss of “Yes!” goes up from the seats around him, and Newt mentally pats himself on the back for another job well done in educating today’s youth. He’s so focused on reminding himself to write on his hand a reminder to put the new assignment up, he almost misses the lecture hall floor door opening.

The startled whispers cue him in. Newt turns to see Hermann hurrying towards him, tablet in hand. Without thinking, he adjusts his glasses and pushes his sleeves up a little higher.

“Just a second, guys,” he calls to the room, but Hermann doesn’t appear to notice.

“Newton,” he says, shoving the tablet into Newt’s line of vision, “tell me what’s wrong with this?”

There’s a diagram of a Kaiju skin mite onscreen, short lines supposedly indicating its various limbs and organs. Newt recognizes the drawing as one of his own. “Is this for the prosthetic project?”

“Yes,” Hermann says, pinching the screen to zoom in. “But look. I know you added all of the labels to this, but they’re not there. Is it on the hard drive at home?”

“No, and I’ve got it in my office. What mode are you in?”

Hermann blinks. “Excuse me?”

“The imaging program– is it in light or dark mode?”

“Why would that matter?” Hermann scoffs. Newt snatches the tablet out of his hands, finds the settings menu, and toggles on “dark” mode. Instantly, white labels and text crowd the screen.

“I wrote everything down in dark mode, dude. The image is transparent. Why the hell do you use light mode? It’s awful for your eyes.”

Hermann absentmindedly pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and frowns. “It’s default. I never saw a reason to change it.” He pauses. “Is everything you sent me formatted this way?”

“Yeah.”

Hermann rubs a hand over his face. “Christ. That explains the last few hours.” He sighs. “Alright, thank you dear. I’ll see you for lunch.”

Newt presses a kiss to his cheek. “Lookin’ forward to those baby carrots.”

“My baby carrots, you mean.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

He hands the tablet back to Hermann and waves as he walks towards the door. His husband makes it a full two feet before glancing to his right and freezing.

Fifty four pairs of extremely confused, extremely interested eyes are all on him. Plus a couple of phone cameras.

“Er. Hello,” he says quietly, voice echoing off the walls of the room. “You may mentally disregard everything you’ve just seen.”

“I think you’re just making it worse, babe,” Newt says helpfully. Hermann shoots him a withering look.

“Right,” he says curtly, and strides quickly the rest of the way towards the door, shutting it with a loud click behind him. Newt turns to face the masses.

“I will be taking three– count ‘em, three questions,” he says, putting his hands behind his back. “But to get the obvious out of the way, because I have heard literally all the rumors: no, my husband is not a vampire.”