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authortelevision · 6 months ago

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arthur frederick and the new producer: the end₊˚⊹♡

words: 7, 504✦ .ᐟ

♯┆arthurtv slow burn, bach and arthur podcast

after lara leaves bach and arthur’s podcast, you become her replacement. after discovering that arthur hates change, it takes a lot for him to warm up to you and become friends. it also takes a lot for him to admit how he truly feels about you.

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Chapter Nine

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Chapter Ten ₊˚⊹♡

You and Isaac sat across from each other at the table in the studio, cards in hand, as you both played a game of Uno. Arthur, sitting off to the side, was eating his lunch, looking mildly amused but mostly preoccupied with his food.

“Why did you even bring this here?” you asked Isaac as you placed a card down with a satisfying slap.

Isaac shrugged, not looking up from the game. “I don’t know, just in case Arthur gets too boring so we can actually have fun.”

Arthur, his mouth full of food, glared over at him. “Hey, I heard that,” he muttered, but his words were muffled by a piece of bread.

Isaac smirked, leaning back in his chair. “Ew, Arthur, please stop spitting your food out when you talk,” he said, scrunching up his face in disgust.

Arthur, still chewing, rolled his eyes and shook his head but didn’t bother responding, choosing to focus on finishing his lunch instead.

You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head as you drew another card. “I think you just got roasted, Arthur,” you teased, watching him shake his head in mock exasperation as he continued eating, clearly trying not to laugh.

You and Isaac resumed the game, the sound of cards shuffling and playful bickering filling the air, while Arthur, despite his grumbling, seemed oddly content in his corner.

“So,” he began, casually tossing down another card, “you wanna come out with us tonight?”

You raised an eyebrow, tapping your cards against the table as you considered the offer. “Who’s going?” you asked, already wondering if you’d even be up for it.

Isaac shrugged nonchalantly. “You know, like George, Arthur Hill, Chris… the usual people who would go out.”

You hesitated, unsure. “Oh, I don’t think they’d want me there.”

Isaac immediately rolled his eyes, clearly not buying your excuse. “Don’t be stupid,” he said, grinning. “Arthur literally talks about you non-stop when he’s drunk. You’re basically there every night.”

You loved that part of Arthur, the part of him that made him so special to you. He was just so passionate about everything, and it extra special that he was so passionate about you. Regardless of how you felt about Arthur, Isaac’s words echoed in your mind as you tried to play it cool, but you couldn’t help but feel a little caught off guard by his honesty. You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could, Arthur, who had been finishing his lunch nearby, suddenly looked up and chimed in.

“Yeah, I mean, I do talk about you. But not as much as he’s making out to be. Any ways, you should come out. It’s fun when you’re with us.”

You looked at him suspiciously, feeling face heat up, but didn’t know what to say. Arthur’s new casual confidence left you speechless for a moment, but Isaac was quick to add, “See? Told you. You’re practically one of us already.”

You bit your lip, looking between them both. “Okay, okay,” you relented with a smile. “I’ll come. But no promises, I might bail early.”

Isaac laughed, clearly satisfied with the result. “You’ll have fun. Trust me.”

————————————

You stood in front of the mirror, finishing off your makeup and double-checking your outfit when Emma suddenly popped her head into your room with a big smile on her face.

“You look so pretty,” she said, her voice genuine as she leaned against the doorframe.

You gave her a funny look, rolling your eyes. “I literally have a boyfriend, you know.”

Emma laughed and walked further into the room, her eyes sparkling. “I know, and I’m so happy for you! Honestly, it’s been so nice seeing you so happy lately.”

You grinned, feeling a little shy at her enthusiasm. “No need to get all sentimental on me.”

She shrugged, a soft smile on her face. “I’m just glad he makes you happy. I was worried for a while, you know, with everything that happened before. But he’s really grown on me. He seems like a good guy.”

You raised an eyebrow, surprised at how supportive she was. “You actually like him?”

Emma nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, I do. He’s a little… annoying sometimes, but I can tell he really cares about you. You deserve that.”

Your heart warmed at her words. “Thanks, Em. That really means a lot to me.”

She gave you a wink. “Of course. Just don’t forget about your old flatmate when you’re busy being all in love with him.”

You laughed and shook your head. “I won’t. Promise.”

You grabbed your jacket and headed for the door, feeling the familiar rush of excitement to see Arthur. As you stepped out of your room, you found Emma now lounging on the sofa, scrolling through her phone.

Before you could leave, you walked over to her, giving her a tight hug. “I really love you, you know,” you said, squeezing her a little tighter. “More than anyone in the world.”

Emma looked up, surprised by your sudden sentiment. She grinned and pulled you in tighter. “Even Arthur?”

You pulled back slightly, giving her a playful look. “Way more than Arthur,” you teased, “You’re my best friend.”

She chuckled, clearly pleased by your words. “I’m glad to hear that,” she said, ruffling your hair. “Go have fun with your boy. I’ll hold down the fort here.”

You smiled, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude. “I will, and I’ll see you later.”

With that, you turned and left, closing the door behind you. As you stepped out into the cool air, you spotted Arthur waiting for you, a smile breaking across your face when you saw him.

Everything felt right in that moment, and you couldn’t help but think about how lucky you were to have both Emma and Arthur in your life.

You walked up to Arthur, and as soon as he saw you, his face lit up. Without hesitation, he pulled you into a tight hug, his warmth wrapping around you. You breathed in the familiar scent of his cologne, feeling at peace in his arms.

As he pulled away slightly, he whispered softly in your ear, “You look gorgeous.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, the compliment making your heart skip a beat. A smile spread across your face as you looked up at him.

Turning around, you waved at Emma, who was standing at the door, watching the two of you. She gave you a little wave in return, a content smile on her face.

Arthur followed your gaze, noticing her too, and gave her a casual wave as well. “See you later, Emma!” he called out.

She shot him a playful wink. “Have fun, you two!” she teased, before disappearing back inside.

You smiled to yourself, turning back to Arthur. “Ready to go?” you asked, your hand slipping into his.

“Absolutely,” he replied, his smile only growing as he walked alongside you.

Everything felt right, and the world felt a little more complete with Arthur by your side.

You walked into the bar with Arthur by your side, the bright glow of the warm lights and the buzz of conversations making the atmosphere feel welcoming. As soon as the guys saw you, they greeted you with smiles, and you couldn’t help but feel like it wouldn’t be as bad as you originally thought.

“Hey! It’s nice to see you!” George said first, pulling you into a hug. He was always friendly, and his bear hug made you feel safer.

“I didn’t know you were coming out tonight!” Chris spoke, wrapping you in another hug. “Glad you made it.”

Arthur stood back for a moment, watching with a small smile as the guys showered you with affection. It was clear that they were all happy to see you.

“I didn’t know you were the popular one,” he teased, nudging you playfully.

You smirked at him. “I’m just that good,” you replied, winking.

Isaac, always with a quick joke, grinned at you. “She’s the life of the party now, obviously,” he said. “But, alright, let’s get drinks, yeah?”

They all made their way to the bar, chatting as they ordered drinks for the table. Arthur leaned in slightly, his voice low and teasing, “You’ve got them all wrapped around your finger, huh?”

You laughed softly, rolling your eyes. “It’s not my fault they’re all this nice,” you said, glancing over at the group.

As the drinks arrived, you all made your way back to the table. Laughter and conversation filled the space, and for the first time in a while, you felt completely at ease surrounded by Arthur’s friends.

As you continued the night, you moved to a different location. The club was filled with energy, the music louder as the night wore on. Drinks kept pouring, and everyone seemed to be in high spirits, especially the boys. They were all getting progressively more drunk, their faces flushed with the warmth of alcohol.

Arthur, George, and Chris were joking around, playfully pushing each other, while Isaac sat beside you at the table, leaning back in his chair. He had that relaxed, stupid grin on his face, a little tipsy but still confident with his words.

You looked around, smiling at how affectionate everyone had gotten as the drinks took hold. Arthur wrapped an arm around George’s shoulders as they laughed at some joke, and Chris was constantly giving Arthur playful shoves, all in good fun. It was clear that their relationship was strong, the kind of friendship where physical affection came naturally, but in a totally loving, fun way.

“Hey,” you turned to Isaac, who was busy swirling his drink around. You leaned in a little, wanting to make sure he could hear you over the chatter. “Thank you for inviting me. It really means a lot.”

Isaac looked at you, his face softening as he gave a small nod. “Of course, I’m really glad you came,” he said with a smile. “Plus, you deserve to have some fun, too.”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, “It’s nice being here, seeing Arthur so happy.”

He gave you a kind look, raising an eyebrow. “Well, Arthur seems very happy with you, but you might have to fight for his love” he said, gesturing to where Arthur was laughing hysterically at something Chris had said.

You chuckled, glancing at Arthur who was now leaning into George as if they were some kind of drunken conjoined twins. “Yeah,” you said with a grin. “I think I’ll just let Chris have him”

Isaac took a sip of his drink, a small glint in his eyes as he leaned in closer, lowering his voice a bit. “Just so you know, Arthur’s been telling Chris all night that he thinks he loves you,” he said. “Said he’s pretty lucky to have you in his life.”

You weren’t sure how to respond to that. But before you could reply, Chris stumbled over and threw himself dramatically across the table, slinging an arm over your shoulder as he slurred, “This night is amazing, right? I love you guys. You’re all my best friends.”

You laughed, your cheeks warm as Chris smothered you in a hug. “I love you too, Chris,” you said, patting him on the back. It was impossible not to be affected by the overwhelming sense of affection in the air. It was lighthearted, fun, and easy, and you were happy to be a part of it all. You were just so happy to be a part of Arthur’s life like this.

Isaac watched the exchange, shaking his head with a grin. “See?” he said, taking another drink. “That’s what I’m talking about. That man is full of love you gotta hold your boy close to chest.”

You grinned back at him, feeling comfortable in the chaos of the evening. “Yeah, you’re right, I gotta look after my boy.”

As the night went on, the jokes and affection only grew, everyone getting more carefree and silly. But in that moment, as you sat next to Isaac and watched your friends laugh and joke, you felt a deep sense of belonging. You were glad you were there.

Arthur and Chris were in their own little world, joking around across the table. Chris had his arm draped over Arthur’s shoulder, laughing at some ridiculous story, and Arthur was trying to play it cool, though his sappy smile gave away how much he was enjoying it.

Out of nowhere, Chris reached over, giving Arthur a playful smack on the ass. The sound echoed slightly, and Arthur jumped, wide-eyed. He shot Chris a glare, his hands going up in defense.

“Stop! I’m literally married!” Arthur exclaimed, laughing, his voice full of exaggerated outrage. “What’s wrong with you, man?”

Chris just cackled, shaking his head. “What, it’s just a little love tap! Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it.”

You rolled your eyes and leaned back in your chair, glancing at the two of them with a grin. “Chris, you can keep him,” you said.

Arthur dramatically put his hand to his forehead, playing up the melodrama. “Well, guess that’s it for me then,” he said, feigning heartbreak. “I’m being traded off. Someone call my wife.”

Chris raised his glass in victory. “Sorry, Arthur, but I think I’ve got a new favorite.”

You chuckled, watching them laugh back and forth. It was all in good fun, and seeing them so carefree made the night even more enjoyable.

The walk home felt a little surreal, the city streets dim and quiet around you as the adrenaline of the night began to wear off. You’d sobered up enough to feel grounded again, but Arthur, still a little drunk, was stumbling beside you, his steps unsteady but his energy still infectious.

He kept leaning in, pressing soft, playful kisses to your cheek and temple, laughing lightly each time. Every few steps, he’d kiss you again, this time lingering just a bit longer than the last.

“Arthur, stop,” you laughed, trying to push him away gently as you nearly lost your balance from his affection. “You’re gonna trip us both up if you keep doing that.”

He grinned, unbothered by your protest, and leaned in for another kiss, this time targeting your forehead. “I can’t help it,” he said with a little giggle. “You’re just too lovely to resist.”

You half-stumbled as you tried to step around him, giving him a playful shove. “Seriously, I’m not going to be able to walk properly if you keep this up,” you warned, laughing despite yourself.

Arthur just wrapped his arm around your waist to steady you, pulling you closer as if he hadn’t heard a word you said. “I’m helping,” he said, his voice full of that familiar drunken sweetness. He leaned down to plant another quick kiss on your lips, this one too brief for your liking but just enough to make your heart race a little.

“Arthur!” You giggled, unable to hide your smile. “You’re so annoying, oh my god!”

He pulled back, still grinning like he’d just won the lottery. “I know, I know,” he said, his voice slightly slurring but his affection completely clear. “But you like it.”

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head, but the warmth spreading through your chest told you everything you needed to know.

As you finally made it to Arthur’s flat, the warmth of his embrace and his kisses didn’t let up. He was still kissing you, his lips persistent against yours, but he quickly started to shift down to your neck. The sensation of his soft lips trailing along your skin melted your thoughts away.

“Arthur…” you murmured, feeling your blood burning through your veins as he left little marks on your neck. “Can you at least take your clothes off?”

You meant it as a joke, trying to redirect his attention to something more practical, like getting into his pyjamas, but Arthur just chuckled against your skin, the vibration of his breath raising the hairs on your collarbone. “Oh, you are such a flirt,” he teased, pulling back just enough to meet your gaze.

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but smile, even as he leaned in and kissed you again, more passionately this time, helping you out of your jacket. You tried to take control of the situation, urging him, “Arthur, seriously, get in your pyjamas first—”

But he didn’t listen. Instead, he kissed you on a particularly sensitive spot on your neck, and the reaction was immediate. You let out a soft whimper, not quite able to hide the effect it had on you.

“Sorry,” Arthur murmured, his voice low, the playful teasing from before replaced with a deeper, more intense tone. He didn’t sound sorry at all though.

You exhaled sharply, feeling incredibly turned on. “God, Arthur… please…” you whispered, trying to gather your thoughts but not wanting to pull away to finally get the change of clothes you’d both been talking about. But Arthur only held you closer, his lips hovering at your ear as he whispered, “Please what darling?”

It was impossible to argue with that. You couldn’t deny how much you enjoyed the closeness. The strong smell of his deodorant wearing away through the night and being replaced by the scent of Arthur’s desperation made your heart pound in your chest in ways you couldn’t explain.

Arthur’s lips were addictive as they moved from your neck to your jaw, his hands gently guiding you toward the bedroom. He kissed you deeply, one hand resting on your waist while the other cupped your face, as if trying to keep you close, not letting you get away.

You stumbled a little, distracted by the feeling of his lips trailing against yours, but he kept you steady, leading you forward with a powerful intensity in every touch. You didn’t say anything, but your heart was racing, each kiss leaving behind warm imprints of his love for you.

He kissed your lips again, and again, moving you gently backward, step by step, until your knees bumped into the edge of the bed. Arthur paused, looking down at you with that mischievous glint in his eyes, as if savouring every second.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked softly, his voice hushed, as if the moment was suddenly too real for both of you.

You nodded, too consumed by the intensity of the moment to form any more words. Without waiting for an answer, Arthur kissed you again, this time slower, deeper, and with an almost ungodly touch. His hands brushed over your skin, drawing you into him as he pressed you down onto the bed.

As his lips moved from yours to your neck again, his hands slowly started to explore, pulling your shirt off as his kisses followed the line of your collarbone. The room felt like it was spinning, your mind was consumed by Arthur, every touch, every kiss, every low moan. You tangled your fingers in his hair, feeling each lock pass through them with every kiss.

He pulled back just enough to look at you, “I want this,” he whispered, as if confirming it to himself as much as to you.

You simply smiled, tugging him back down toward you, letting his lips claim yours once more, unable to deny how much you wanted him too.

“You look absolutely stunning,” Arthur whispered, his voice like a confession meant only for you. His gaze fixated on your lips, slightly parted, your brows furrowing under the weight of his admiration. For a moment, he simply stared, as if committing every detail to memory, his breath falling from his lips in ragged, uneven pants. His eyes, a deep chocolate brown, glimmered with something so utterly consuming.

Arthur’s hands brushed over your skin with a heavenly tenderness. The contrast of his hot fingertips against the cold softness of your skin sent shivers dancing along your spine. Starting at your shoulders, his fingers pressed gently into your muscles, kneading away tension as though his sole purpose was to unravel you. A quiet sigh escaped your lips, and Arthur’s lips quirked into the faintest smile, as though your contentment was his greatest reward.

Each movement of his was deliberate and filled with adoration. His hands skimmed lower, following the curve of your arms and trailing back up to cradle the base of your neck.

“I’ve been thinking about this all day,” he murmured roughly. His breath was hot against the curve of your neck as he leaned closer, and the world seemed to fall away, leaving only him. “Wanting to feel your soft skin against mine, to lose myself in you.”

His lips grazed the shell of your ear leaving you breathless. Your back arched instinctively, your body answering his touch without thought, a silent invitation for him to go deeper, to explore further. His hands followed, tracing the curve of your back with a languid, unhurried intensity that left your heart pounding.

Arthur’s lips brushed against your jaw, a whisper of a kiss that lingered as though savoring the taste of you. “Every inch of you,” he murmured, his voice heavy with emotion, “I want to know it all. Every curve, every breath, every moment of you.”

His words wrapped around you like a spell, and his hands, now bolder, continued their journey down. He kissed his way down your neck, peppering soft kisses along your collarbone. His beard tickled your skin, a delightful sensation that made you giggle softly. Arthur's hands glided down your sides, his thumbs brushing the edges of your breasts, causing you to catch your breath. He took his time, savouring every moment, as if it were a delicious meal to be enjoyed slowly.

Arthur unhooked your bra, revealing your breasts to his hungry gaze. He admired them, his eyes darkening, the chocolate becoming lovingly bitter. "So beautiful," he whispered. He leaned down, his warm breath caressing your nipples, causing them to harden in anticipation.

His lips found one sensitive nipple, sucking gently. You moaned, grabbing fist fulls of his hair. Arthur's tongue was so slow and teasing, bestowing upon you a symphony of sensations. He lavished attention on one breast before moving to the other, ensuring that both received equal adoration.

As he worshipped your breasts, his hands roamed freely, exploring your curves. He traced the outline of your waist, the dip of your hips, and the softness of your thighs.

Arthur's fingers unbuttoned your jeans, his movements painfully unhurried. He slid them down your legs, his eyes never leaving your face, seeking your approval every step of the way. You nodded quickly, letting your mouth hang open as he kissed you.

He knelt before you, his eyes locked on yours, as he gently removed your underwear, exposing your pussy to his eager gaze. Arthur's breath sped up at the sight, his desire for you evident in the way his body trembled.

"You're so beautiful, so wet for me," he whispered. He leaned forward carefully. You shivered, your pleasure pulsating through your veins as he blew gently.

Arthur's tongue basically rolled out of his mouth, tasting you for the first time. He moaned, the vibrations reverberating through your body, as he savored you. His tongue moved in slow circles, exploring every inch of you, driving you insane.

You arched your back, pushing your hips forward, seeking more of his touch. Arthur obliged, his tongue delving deeper, finding that sweet spot that had you crying out in ecstasy. He suckled gently, his fingers finding your clit, teasing it with feather-light touches that had you trembling on the edge of release.

"Oh, Arthur," you gasped, your hands gripping the sheets as your orgasm built. "Don’t Stop. Fuck, please..."

He didn't. Arthur was almost drunk of your pleasure, your moans making his pace get faster until it was too much to control.

Your climax hit you like a wave, crashing over you and sweeping you away. You cried out, your body trembling. Arthur continued his devouring, riding the storm with you, ensuring your orgasm was as intense and satisfying as it could be.

As your tremors subsided, Arthur slowly made his way up your body, his lips seeking yours. He kissed you roughly and passionately, sharing the taste of your climax. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close.

"You’re so gorgeous," he whispered against your lips, his voice filled with awe.

With that, Arthur positioned himself between your legs, his hard length pressing against your entrance. He looked into your eyes, seeking your consent, and you nodded, eager for more.

He entered you slowly, inch by inch, his eyes never leaving yours. The sensation of being filled by him was exquisite, and you both groaned in unison as he seated himself fully within you.

Arthur began to move, his thrusts slow and deliberate. He set a gentle rhythm, taking his time to ensure your pleasure. He was mindful of your every reaction, adjusting his pace and angle until he hear you cry out his name.

"You feel so good," he whispered, his breath hot against your ear.

You moaned in response, your nails digging into his back, leaving deep red lines. Arthur's hips moved in a steady rhythm, his beard brushing against your neck. He kissed and bite at your sensitive skin, his touch a perfect contrast to the deep, almost euphoric pleasure of his thrusts.

He whispered words of adoration, praising your beauty and your responsiveness. His words were like fuel to the fire, igniting your desire and making you crave him even more.

As he continued to move within you, Arthur's pace gradually increased, his thrusts becoming more messy. He was losing himself in the sensations, in the feel of your body wrapped around his. You matched his rhythm, your bodies moving as one, a perfect duet of pleasure.

Your hands roamed over his back, feeling the movement of muscles beneath his skin, as he pushed deeper into you. You could feel your orgasm building again, a familiar tension coiling within you, and you knew Arthur was close as well.

"I'm so close," you whispered, your breath coming in short gasps.

"Me too," he grunted, his voice strained with the effort of holding back.

With a final, powerful thrust, Arthur sent you spiraling into another mind-shattering climax. Your bodies trembled in unison, caught in the throes of ecstasy. He filled you completely, his release hot and intense, as he called out your name.

As your hearts raced and your breathing slowly returned to normal, Arthur collapsed onto the bed beside you, pulling you close.

The bed’s residual warmth lingered as you both lay entwined, the sheets a tangle from you and Arthur. His head was nestled against your chest, his breath soft and subtle against your skin. His hand rested gently on your side, while your fingers absentmindedly traced circles on his back.

He nuzzled into you, his voice a soft murmur. “My love?”

You looked down at him. “Yeah? What’s up?”

He shifted slightly, his eyes still closed. “I love you.”

Your breath stuttered for a second, surprised by the words. You hadn’t expected him to say it so openly, so freely. It felt like something monumental that you couldn’t quite put into words. You swallowed your nerves and smiled softly, holding him closer. “I love you too.”

He hummed contently against you, his voice soft and sleepy. “Mhm, yeah…” He snuggled in a little more, his body still, his breath slow.

A sudden thought made you pull back slightly to look at him, your fingers tracing through his hair. “When did you realise?” you asked, your voice hushed.

Arthur paused for a moment, his eyes still heavy with sleep, but something else in his eyes, his eyebrows were furrowed and his face was relaxed and gentle. He let out a light sigh before speaking.

“I don’t know exactly,” he began, his voice soft but steady. “Maybe it started when we went out for that coffee date… I remember thinking that I could talk to you about anything, and that was something new for me. But then, every time we hung out, it felt like… like it wasn’t just about having fun or passing the time. It felt real, you know? The way we could just be with each other, like I didn’t have to try to be anything I wasn’t.”

You smiled, running your thumb over his cheek.

“And then there were all those moments when we just laughed, when we didn’t even have to say much. Just being around you felt right. It’s like, I didn’t realise it then, but looking back, it was always there, in every little thing we did.”

Arthur’s eyes fluttered closed again, and he adjusted his arm around you. “I just—I don’t know. I guess I just love you. I’ve always loved you.”

You held him tighter, feeling the soft beat of his heart against your chest. Your own heart was full, a gentle smile tugging at your lips as you kissed his forehead lightly. “I’m glad you realised,” you whispered.

Arthur smiled into your chest, his breathing slowing even more as sleep began to overtake him. “Me too,” he mumbled, barely audible.

“When did you fall in love with me?”

As you laid there, the warmth of Arthur’s body pressed against you and the soft rhythm of his breath filling the silence, his question echoed in your mind. His eyes were closed now, his face peaceful as he began to drift off, but there was something in his question that made your heart feel heavier, yet lighter at the same time.

You hesitated for a moment, thinking back to all the little moments that had slowly built up to this. It wasn’t a single moment, a defining moment. No, it was everything. You smiled softly as your fingers traced idle circles on his back.

You opened your mouth, ready to speak, but you realised you had to think about it, really think about how long you’d known. You thought about the first time you really got to know him, how his jokes, his passion, his beautiful smile had drawn you in. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more than just work, just the podcast, just two people who would share the same space for a while, but somewhere in the middle of it all, you fell in love.

“I don’t know, Arthur,” you said quietly, your voice blending softly with the white noise around you both, as if finally speaking the truth out loud made it feel like everything had clicked into place. You could feel Arthur’s body soften against you, but you knew he wasn’t fully awake. So, you continued, knowing he would hear it anyway, even in his sleep.

“From the moment we started hanging out, I didn’t realise it, but there was something about you. At first, I thought it was just… you know, you being you. But then we’d talk and talk and I’d catch myself looking forward to hearing your voice, even when we were just texting about random things, like what movie we should watch for the podcast, or whatever weird topic you were passionate about that week. I remember you’d say these little things that would make me laugh, like the time you got so passionate about some movie I hadn’t even seen, but you were so excited to share it with me anyway. You didn’t even know you were doing it, but you were always so considerate, so you. That’s when I started to realise how much I was drawn to you, more than just your beautiful face.”

You let out a quiet sigh, remembering how desperate you were for him to see you, to notice you, to just be friends with you. It was strange to think back to the first time you found yourself standing by your window, waiting for Arthur to show up at midnight, the cold winter air biting at your skin as you told yourself, It’s fine, it’s just Arthur, but in the pit of your stomach, it felt like something else. The thought of him walking in, his scarf wrapped around his neck, his eyes focused on you, like he was waiting for something, too.

“Then there was that night,” you said, a smile forming on your lips as the memory surfaced. “When you came over in the middle of the night, just to hang out, and I realised you’d traveled all that way just to see me. And I remember thinking, This is it. That night, it wasn’t just about the movie, or the podcast, or even the fact that you wanted to spend time with me. It was the way you looked at me, the way you listened to me, like I was the only person who mattered. That’s when I realised I cared about you so much more than I ever thought possible.”

You could feel Arthur’s soft breaths, his chest rising and falling steadily, and it made you smile even more as you continued.

“You know, I thought I’d just be friends with you. Honestly, after that first awkward moment when when we went out to that market and all I could think about was how much i loved just being with you, no one else, I figured, This is just going to be a weird little friendship. But then… something kept happening. Every time you came to see me, even if it was just for work, I’d start feeling like maybe it was something more. Like when you showed up at my flat, and you were nervous and cute, and we just fell into the rhythm of being together. And when you kissed me that night, I don’t think I’d ever felt more special in that moment.”

You laughed to yourself, remembering how embarrassed you both had been afterward, and how awkward it felt, yet perfect at the same time.

“And then the way you’d show up to work with that stupid smile on your face, making my heart skip a beat every time I saw you. Even the teasing from Isaac about you liking me, all of that, it was building something bigger than I realised. I guess it was all those little moments with you, when you took care of me when I needed it, when we shared those late-night talks after everyone else had gone home. And then, when we started saying things to each other that weren’t just ‘I like hanging out with you,’ but ‘I like you’, really like you. That was when I knew.”

You hesitated, your gaze softening as it settled on Arthur’s peaceful face, his breath fanning over your chest. His expression was so vulnerable and truly peaceful, it forced a truth you’d been circling for longer than you cared to admit, out of you. “I think I’ve always loved you,” you began, your voice trembling. The words felt new and yet familiar, like they’d always been waiting for you to uncover them. “Maybe not all at once, but in pieces… little by little, over the months. And I didn’t even see it for what it was. Not until now.”

Your fingers brushed lightly through his hair, the soft strands slipping between them as you paused, searching for the right words. “I didn’t realise it when you made me laugh on the worst days or when you stayed, even when I gave you every reason to leave. I didn’t see it when you looked at me with those lovely brown eyes. But it was always there, wasn’t it? This… love. Quiet, patient, waiting for me to understand.”

Arthur stirred faintly in his sleep, shifting closer, his arms tightening around you as if he could sense the depth of your thoughts even now. His lips curled into the faintest smile, and the feeling made your chest ache. You pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, lingering there as the truth settled fully into your heart.

“And now I know,” you whispered, your words meant only for the walls of the room and the man in your arms. “I’ve loved you for longer than I can even remember. Longer than I knew. And somehow… you waited for me to catch up.”

Arthur’s warmth seeped into you, like his soul was combining with yours through your flesh. For the first time in what felt like forever, there was no urgency, no need to run from your thoughts or drown them out. You just let yourself feel.

You opened your eyes, staring at the ceiling for a long moment before letting your gaze drift back to him. Even in sleep, Arthur had this way of pulling at your heart, of making you feel like you belonged in a way you hadn’t before. A soft smile tugged at your lips as you traced your fingertips lightly along the curve of his shoulder, marveling at how gentle and soft his skin was, almost as if it had been kissed by angels. You knew Arthur would give you an explanation for why this was not the power of god, but you knew that there was no scientific reasoning for how his skin glowed under the beams of lights so perfectly, you could thank every heavenly being you’d lay your eyes on.

“You know,” you murmured quietly, more to yourself than to him, “I used to think love had to be this grand, all-consuming thing. Something that swept you off your feet the moment you felt it. But this… this is different.” Your voice hesitated, but you pressed on, needing to say it out loud, even if he couldn’t hear you yet. “It’s softer. It’s in all the little things, like the way you smile when you’re teasing me, or how you’re always there when I need you, even when I don’t realise it. It’s been there all along, hasn’t it? I was just too scared to see it.”

Arthur shifted slightly, his face pressing against your chest, and you felt your heart swell again, almost painfully so. A shaky breath escaped you as your hand came to rest against his back, pulling him even closer. You wanted to freeze this moment, to hold onto it forever, because for the first time, you weren’t running from how you felt.

“Arthur,” you whispered, your voice breaking just slightly. “I don’t think I could ever stop loving you. Even if I tried. Even if I wanted to.”

You closed your eyes again, resting your cheek against the top of his head, letting his presence fill every empty space in you. The future still felt uncertain, and part of you knew there would be challenges ahead, but for now, none of that mattered. All that mattered was the way he fit against you, as if he’d always belonged there.

And maybe, you thought as sleep began to claim you, he always had.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁౨ৎ. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .

The End.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁౨ৎ. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .

author note: THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH FOR READING MY FIC !! i love you all so so so so much and as a thank you i will be posting many christmas themed fics soon !! if you have any requests that i have not answered that you want posting id love to write them now i have finished this. THANK YOU FOR READING !! let me know if you liked it <333

my lovely taglist:

@rubyskies @rkaya @pookietv @rougetv @arthurhillmastermind @fatneek444 @pretendyoucantseeme @neivivenaj @mmilllll @asmoothoperator

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queenjunothegreat · 1 month ago

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Hello, everyone, I am BACK with something incredibly stupid. And this one is actually a collaboration! @ihavetoomany-fandoms invoked my name, @demigod-shenanigans picked the prompt, @damstaplereater decided on POV, @manygeese named Jason's lacrosse buddies, @imliterallyinsanern decided on the monster, and @apollo-is-somthing chose how Jason got detention! Fun games all around, thank you all for playing (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ EDIT! Fic added under the cut for all the Tumblr readers out there <3

ANYWAY, here's another post-FsH Edgarton Valgrace fic: Yes Leo Time

“Do either of you know how to get a week’s worth of detention, fast?” Jason blurted. It was an embarrassing question to have to ask, but he was desperate and willing to get his help from anywhere at this point. Keith and David exchanged a puzzled look, before turning back to Jason. “Uh, yeah, probably,” David said slowly. “Why?” “Leo got detention,” Jason admitted. “I’ve been trying to get detention all afternoon, but I can’t figure it out.” “So that’s why you were just standing through Mr. Thomason’s lecture,” Keith laughed brightly. Jason groaned and hid his face in his arms again. “Guys, please. I’m running out of time. If I don’t get detention now, I won’t get it today.” “And why do you want detention again?” “Because Leo has detention,” Jason repeated like it should have been very obvious, which, to be clear, it was. “Your boyfriend got detention, so you’re getting detention, too, so you can hang out with him?” David asked, chin resting in his palm and eyes shining in mirth. “Gotta say, you’ve got weird taste in dates, Grace.” *** Jason gets detention

So, yeah, I’m gonna have after class detention for, like, a week. Leo had said the words so casually when he’d met up with Jason for their usual morning break, not realizing he was ruining Jason’s whole day. Really and truly, Jason shouldn’t have been surprised. He knew that Leo was by no means a teacher’s pet. He’d heard plenty of stories from him and Piper both about the nonsense the two of them had gotten up to at Wilderness, as well as them swapping tales of all their misdemeanors from before meeting. Piper was the self-dubbed “scourge of the LA private school system” and Leo seemed like his default state was getting into some sort of trouble. He’d even heard Piper complain over Iris Message about the punishments she’d been racking up at her school. Really and truly, it should have come as a shock that Leo hadn’t gotten detention before now.

But that was the thing. Leo hadn’t gotten detention. Not the whole four months that they’d been at Edgarton. Apparently, “fancy pants rich boy schools” are more than willing to kick out the brown kid on scholarship if he makes too much of a fuss, and Leo really didn’t want to get kicked out, a stance which made Jason feel a little fuzzy inside. So, Leo had been remarkably well-behaved, going to class and keeping his pranks to mild annoyances at worst, and Jason had assumed that they were basically home free.

What he’d forgotten to consider was the fact that Leo was an obstinate little bastard when he wanted to be. According to him, his Spanish teacher – a lady with blue eyes and bright red hair named Ms. Jones – had mistakenly corrected his pronunciation one too many times, and he’d decided that he’d simply not participate in her class. He still attended, so as not to get caught skipping, but he didn’t do any of the work she’d assigned him, and rattled off random bouts of Ancient Greek any time she tried to talk to him. Jason couldn’t really find fault in Leo’s actions (he’d nearly bitten off his classmate’s finger when he’d tried telling Jason he was conjugating his Latin wrong) but he wasn’t really fond of the results. He didn’t particularly like the fact that Leo was now going to be spending an extra hour and a half sitting in a classroom every day for a week.

So, Jason had come up with a foolproof plan: get detention himself. Sure, he could just as well do, well, not that, but that would mean a whole seven and a half hours of No Leo Time, which would cut into his already limited Yes Leo Time, considering they only shared two classes. And what was Jason supposed to do while Leo was in detention? Sit around the dorm and just wait for Leo to come back? No! Jason was a Roman, a warrior. He wasn’t going to just sit there and twiddle his thumbs and wait for Leo, not when he could go out and face the threat head-on at Leo’s side! No, the only option he had was to get detention just like Leo.

The only problem was he… didn’t know how to do that.

Unfortunately, to match his best friends’ delinquent status, Jason was the most comically straight-laced student Edgarton had seen in a very long time, possibly ever. He didn’t follow the rules blindly (he had killed his math teacher a month before, after finding out she was an empousai, after all, and he was pretty sure that was against the rules) but he liked discipline and order. The rules of Edgarton were simple and reasonable, and Jason understood the benefit of most of them and the ones he didn’t love weren’t exactly a hardship. It was almost second nature for Jason to just… follow the rules laid out before him. He was so good at it, in fact that all of his teachers seemingly didn’t think he was capable at breaking the rules at all, which made getting detention very difficult.

Tried talking in class? The boy next to him was given two warnings before Jason shut up.

Tried breaking something? Oh, that globe really was in an inconvenient spot. It was bound to get knocked over some day.

He’d even tried just standing in the middle of the room, completely stone faced and silent instead of going to his seat and his teacher had applauded him for his daring performance art. Granted, he probably should have tried that in a class other than Theater, but it had been his last class of the day and he’d run out of ideas.

Now, things were really down to the wire. Jason was sitting in his homeroom class with only five minutes left before the final bell dismissed him and he would be sent back to his lonely dorm room sans boyfriend, and he had no idea what to do about it.

“Woah, Jay, you good, man?”

Jason looked up from where he’d had his head buried in his arms, wallowing in defeat to see Keith and David watching him with concerned looks. He liked Keith and David. They were on the lacrosse team with him, and they always made an effort to rope him into team stuff when he was awkwardly hovering on the fringes, unsure of what to do with himself. They were also pretty understanding and also had lots of experience being a teenager, which Jason admittedly lacked.

Keith and David exchanged a puzzled look, before turning back to Jason. “Uh, yeah, probably,” David said slowly. “Why?”

“Leo got detention,” Jason admitted. “I’ve been trying to get detention all afternoon, but I can’t figure it out.”

“So that’s why you were just standing through Mr. Thomason’s lecture,” Keith laughed brightly.

Jason groaned and hid his face in his arms again. “Guys, please. I’m running out of time. If I don’t get detention now, I won’t get it today.”

“And why do you want detention again?”

“Because Leo has detention,” Jason repeated like it should have been very obvious, which, to be clear, it was.

“Your boyfriend got detention, so you’re getting detention, too, so you can hang out with him?” David asked, chin resting in his palm and eyes shining in mirth. “Gotta say, you’ve got weird taste in dates, Grace.”

“Guys! Come on!”

“Well, I mean, there is one option,” Keith said slowly. “But Coach isn’t gonna be happy with you.”

“Keith, what do–”

“I’ll do it,” Jason said immediately, glancing at the clock. Time was running short. “Just tell me what it is.”

“Jay, man, no! Don’t do this,” David protested. “Keith, what the hell?”

“He just looks so sad!” Keith argued. “I can’t just sit here.”

David rolled his eyes, but sat back. “Fine. Whatever, man. Do what you gotta.”

Keith turned back to Jason with a beaming smile. “Alright then. Punch me in the face.”

Without a second thought, Jason reared back and decked him.

*-*-*

Leo hated detention. He’d never loved detention, seeing as sitting in a boring room for an hour and a half should have been considered cruel and unusual punishment for someone like him, but since coming to Edgarton, he’d been very careful to avoid getting written up or anything like that. Partially because he was genuinely worried about getting kicked out if he became more of an effort than his (quite frankly, amazing) test scores were worth, but mostly because he had much better things to do now. Why the hell would he want to spend a second longer than he had to in a classroom when he could, instead, be swapping spit with his hot boyfriend? He wouldn’t. Obviously. He wouldn’t go so far as to say he regretted antagonizing Ms. Jones for the better half of a week, but he did sort of wish he could have managed to land himself with lunch detention instead. Or better yet, detention instead of her class. It wasn’t like he needed her to teach him Spanish. He could ace her stupid quizzes in his sleep and pronounce everything correctly to boot.

But no. Ms. Jones was too fucking crafty for him, and she’d assigned him after school detention. He wondered if she knew that she was keeping him from making out with Jason. If she did, would that count as homophobia? He’d believe that Ms. Jones was homophobic. She had that air about her. Then again, even if she was, Leo doubted that “she gave me the wrong kind of detention so I couldn’t kiss my boyfriend” would really hold up in any sort of court. Damn her. Outmaneuvered him again.

“Mr. Grace? What are you doing here?”

Leo whipped his head around to see Jason standing in the doorway, flushed cherry red and holding a sheet of paper, which he awkwardly handed over to Mrs. Warren. “I, um, have detention?”

Mrs. Warren looked down at the sheet, which Leo could now only assume was a detention slip, then back up at Jason, looking at him like he’d grown a second head. “Seems you do. Well, go on then. Take a seat.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Jason did that weird little twitch he did when he was smothering the reflex to salute and shuffled over to sit next to Leo. Mrs. Warren watched them with an arched eyebrow, but said nothing and went back to her cross stitch. Leo was glad Mrs. Warren was running detention. Mrs Warren was cool. And probably not homophobic, unlike Ms. Jones.

“So,” Leo drawled, cupping his chin and leveling Jason with a playful smirk. “How’d a guy like you wind up in a place like this, hm? Say ‘yes, sir’ one too many times or something?”

“Uh, no,” Jason said. He was refusing to look at Leo, which Leo didn’t mind because it meant he got to just stare at Jason and see the adorable flush deepening on his cheeks. “I, um, got in a fight.”

Leo’s eyebrows shot up and his face split open in a grin. “Ooh, a fight? I had no idea I was dating a bad boy.” Then his face puckered in concern. “Wait, why were you fighting? Was it a monster or–”

“I– Well, no,” Jason admitted. “And it wasn’t… really a fight. I just punched Keith once.”

“You punched Keith? I thought you liked Keith.”

“I do!” he insisted. “He told me to punch him!”

Leo squinted at Jason, who was still refusing to look at him, much like a dog sitting next to a mess they were desperately pretending they didn’t make. “And why did Keith tell you to punch him?”

“He said that was the fastest way to get detention?”

“And why did Keith want to get you in detention?” Jason mumbled something Leo couldn’t hear, so he made a show of cleaning out his ear and cupping his hand to it. “Run that by me one more time, compadre?”

“I didn’t want you to be in detention by yourself?” Jason repeated. “I was worried Mrs. Warren was a… water nymph.”

“Uh-huh,” Leo grinned, cupping his chin in his hand. “And here I thought the nymphs were the good guys. My hero.”

“Nymphs aren’t always good,” Jason said seriously. “Back in Rome, some tried to drown me and Piper. And Percy.”

“Right, right. So, this is strictly a recon mission, it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that you’d be stuck boyfriendless?”

Jason finally turned to him, his face puffed up in what was probably supposed to be a scowl, but definitely came out as a pout. “I would have missed you.”

Leo felt his heart leap in his chest and his cheeks get warm as his grin turned more than a little besotted. He knew Jason cared about him. Like, to an almost embarrassing degree. He knew factually that he was Jason’s favorite person on the planet, but the thought that Jason – Mr. Perfect Pants himself – would stage a fight just to spend time with him made him giddier than a school girl. Without thinking, he grabbed Jason by the face and pulled him down for a kiss, brushing his thumbs over his wonderful boyfriend’s delightfully warm cheeks. Jason made a sharp startled sound for only a moment before he melted into the kiss, his hands coming up to hold onto Leo’s wrists like a lifeline.

“Mr. Valdez, Mr. Grace, please refrain from public displays of affection in the classroom,” Mrs. Warren called lazily. “Feel free to do so in your own time, but wait until you are released.”

Leo pulled away from Jason and gave her a salute that was so sloppy it probably made a little piece of Jason’s soul die. “You got it, teach.” He turned back to Jason and very matter-of-factly said, “I’m like ninety-seven point six percent sure I’m in love with you.”

Jason just sat there and blinked stars out of his eyes, cheeks flushed and his lips curled up in an almost drunken smile. “Cool. I should get detention more often.”

Leo laughed brightly, loud enough that any teacher other than Mrs. Warren would have yelled at him, and grabbed Jason’s hand. He scooted over so their chairs were right next to one another and rested his head on Jason’s shoulder. Jason squeezed his hand and pressed a kiss to his hair, and Leo felt his heart melt just that little bit more. He shut his eyes and hummed softly, content to just listen to Jason breathe.

Maybe he should get detention more often, too.

#valgrace #my writing

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truelovewaitsinthehauntedattics · 3 months ago

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cowards, both of us

Characters: hyunjin x reader x chan

Synopsis: just a good old angsty love triangle

Warning : mentions of smoking

A/n: the painting that I talk about in the fic, is the same one I've used in the cover picture, it's originally drawn by our talented hyunjin himself. This fic is basically a token of appreciation towards his beautiful artworks. Please ignore the grammatical or punctuational mistakes I've made here and there throughout ( i swear I've read it a couple of times and i can't find any more, but I'm sure they are there) and yeah enjoy :)

Do share your thoughts about this if you have any <3

....................................

You loved your Friday nights with Chris. Amidst the chaotic and super busy life both of you had , this was a small getaway that you two cherished. Usually you would be watching a movie that you've uploaded on your shared letterboxd list, or shit talking about people at work, or just cooking in peace with songs playing from your shared playlist in the background, followed by drinks. And sometimes, you would get lucky enough to get an early leave from work to get to do all of that on the same day. Today was one such fortunate day.

Chris was talking over the song running in the background, while meticulously cutting the potatoes in the right shape and size for the French fries . " ...and since I did finish the task early, the company said I can take the weekend off, isn't that cool? "

" it is very cool " you acknowledge, briefly stealing a look of his joyous face and refocusing on the sauce you're cooking for the pasta that Chris loves.

" Will you be free this Sunday? We should go to that cafe you wanted to visit and maybe get dinner after? "

" oh. " You don't take spending time with him as granted. Because of it's rarity , you are reluctant to skip on any. But tonight, you're not lucky. "... Well actually, hyunjin texted today. He said his dance lessons got cancelled this Sunday , so he was going to the new art gallery that opened last week and he asked me to join him."

Thanks to Chris, you were introduced to a bunch of good people, who are just as nice and cool. You always had the time of your life when you hung out with the entire group. Karaoke nights with seungmin and jeongin were always fun. Minho and you undisputedly took the duty of cooking during group hangouts, felix helped you for the desert. Han and changbin were the brothers you never had, always bickering about something or the other. Your equation with each one of them was different, but equally beautiful. Hyunjin was the one you found to be the most similar to yourself. You had a bunch of shared hobbies and hence never ran out of topics to talk about over texts, and occasionally over a ciggerette. Often you two would go out to visit an art exhibition or a museum, but more often than not, it would happen as a result of the others rain-checking at the last minute.

" Oh. Okay, when are you going then? "

" we didn't discuss times yet. But my shift ends at 6, so after that maybe. And we'll be getting dinner too. So- "

" woah. So art gallery AND dinner date? " he chuckled surprisingly, with an undertone of something you couldn't quite figure out.

Defensively, you shrugged " it's not a date. "

" oh yeah? What do you call it then? " Chris smirked teasingly.

" it's - just a normal...going out thing. With a friend. "

" with a friend. " Chris repeated more to himself than to you.

You scoffed. " what?"

" what?"

"Are we not hanging out right now? Would you call this a date? " your voice had a tint of playful annoyance.

" would you? "

Honestly, you would like to. But that's probably not what he would want. Right?

" no? " You feign non-chalance.

You expected Chris to say something witty in reply, like he always does. But this time, even if he came up with something, he kept it to himself and just nodded and went ahead with his potato cutting duties. You were disappointed that you didn't get your question answered, but you decided not to press on it further. A silent awkward dawned upon you . You wondered if he felt it too, but his eyes were laser focused on the knife. You wish you could hear what he was thinking.

.................................................................................

Sunday morning

.................................................................................

You've always admired his passion for the art . On most days, he would send you a new picture of the things he's been painting, the new art supplies he brought, the medium he looks forward to use in the future. While you were not as talented as him at painting, you have loved discussing art with him. Sometimes on video calls, he would just be painting while you studied for your research. You mentioned that to Chris once, and he annoyingly joked about hyunjin being into you. But that's just what friends are for , right? The others always shipped you and Chris too, but that didn't mean anything either. So neither should this.

However, when hyunjin came to pick you up and you opened the door to him looking drop dead gorgeous, all adorned in a black, with a beautiful bouquet in his hand, it occured to you for the first time that maybe not all of this is platonic. Hyunjin took a good look at you in your black dress and said , almost inaudibly " you are beautiful "

You could only chuckle awkwardly to that "you look gorgeous too , as always. "

" this is for you. " Hyunjin handed over the bouquet of dark violet and black roses. " This is so pretty, I've never seen a black rose before " you say taking a good long sniff of the flowers.

" yeah me neither actually. Got my florist to find me some hehe "

You had no clue where all of this was heading, but you really appreciated his efforts . " Thank you so much. I love this. "

" let's get going then , shall we ? "

.................................................................................

The gallery was pretty empty at that hour which meant you could peacefully take your time to go through all the exhibits, without having to keep moving forward to avoid queues. From the moment you walked in your eyes were caught by this one painting that stood lonely at the corner. Hyunjin was going around the venue looking at the breathtaking canvases that adorned the plane white walls of the gallery. Your legs unconsciously dragged you to the exhibit at the corner. Something about it was so immensely sad, it was tugging your heart strings uncomfortably. It tells a story. You can't figure it out yet but you know it's tinged with melancholy, longing and perhaps, unfulfilled love.

You didn't know how much time has passed before hyunjin brought you out of your reverie " looks like you found a favourite "

" i don't know, i haven't looked at the rest yet"

" oh? " He came and stood beside you, the sleeves of your overcoats kissing each other. "....so what's so captivating about this ? " his voice so much softer than before.

" i don't know. The person in the right looks so patient. He's sitting in stillness perhaps longing for a recognition or a moment of connection? " You look up at hyunjin, trying to decipher his thoughts from his usually transparent face. Surprisingly, it was blank at the moment. He didn't say anything either so you continued " the person on the left however, looks fragmented. Chaotic even. The abstract lines. Could that mean emotional complexity? Maybe, they have a natural tendency to see the world through a hazy lens, making it difficult for them to perceive love or care clearly. "

" there's this tension here." a deep breath followed " One heart fully aware and brimming with affection, while the other remains distant, shrouded in a fog they may not even realize is there. You know what I mean? " You look back up at him. His eyes now reflected more light than before. Maybe he too is equally impacted by the picture. Maybe he too can relate to it. Maybe.

" Do you know what I think the most beautiful part of this painting is? " he spoke with the weight of something unspoken and suppressed evident in his voice.

He continued without waiting for your reply " if there's love here, like you claimed , It's neither rejected nor accepted, simply suspended in a space where time, patience, and longing seem to stretch endlessly. It's the silent hope that's beautiful and enduring that love of the person on the right, even when there is no promise that their feelings will ever be acknowledged is what's beautiful about this. " He nodded to himself.

The atmosphere got too heavy and serious with what he said. While you agreed with him , you wanted to know more about what he was thinking. Unfortunately, the security guard told everyone to start leaving the premises as they reached the closing time. With a heavy heart of not being able to look at the other paintings, while also being somewhat content about the conversation you had before you slowly walk out.

On his way out, hyunjin stopped momentarily and took one last look of the painting. The one painting he didn't give updates to you about the second he came up with the idea of it, because he painted that with you in his mind. The two humans on the painting you spent almost an hour talking about were the reflection of how he perceives you and your friendship. And just like every other painting of his, he wanted you to see it first, hence the invite. And maybe, he'll muster the courage to tell you what he feels tonight.

Unknowingly you've put his feelings , that he was astoundingly unsure about, into words. The frustrated brush strokes that accessorised the painting finally made some sense to him too. Ironically.

" do you have a ciggerette? " Hyunjin asks.

You had decided to walk to the restaurant nearby , the breeze was cool and the roads were empty " i think i do, yeah. " you shuffled through your bad to found a singular ciggerette sitting idly in the packet. " There's only one. You have it , i don't want it "

" that's alright we can share " he took the ciggerette in his mouth and lit it up quickly. Taking two quicker steps he went ahead and leaned into the railing of the bridge, closing his eyes softly when the breeze from the river below hit his face.

Something about sharing that ciggerate was strangely intimate. You stood really close to each other looking ahead into the dark oblivion, scatteringly decorated here and there with the city lights, your mind still fogged by the painting you saw earlier.

" do you like him ? " Hyunjin unpredictably whispered.

A part of you knew who he was referring to. But you didn't understand why he would ask something like that so randomly. Or maybe you just chose to ignore the obvious.

" who? " You look at him half confused and half shocked

" chris"

" i- " you tried to calculate the number of consequences of you telling the truth can bring. Because ofcourse you did. All the feelings you have for chris is hidden in one secluded corner of your heart. There was a lot of unattended thoughts and feelings that you cannot quite name, because you would do absolutely anything to hide what you feel for him from yourself, chris and everyone. But you knew it's love nonetheless. " Not really. Why? Why do you ask ?"

" you really took your time huh? " He scoffed, which annoyed you a little. " No reason. Just- just wanted to make sure before I- "

You look at him to find him looking back. There's a hesitation in his voice, a doubt in his eyes. And his breath is awfully cold, like he's frozen from the inside. You realise how close you're standing to him now, his lips mere inches away from the tip of your nose, his uneven breaths delicately reaching your eyes. His right hand brushed upon the back of your neck and spread fire in your otherwise cold body. " I don't know if you lied or not but regardless, i can't live with myself if i don't tell you." He softly caressed your cheek with his thumb as if he's never seen anything more frail, more delicate and brittle , as if one wrong move from will make you disappear.

" i like you...like- a lot. " Hyunjin sighed. Saying it out loud released him from the weight of holding everything in. He gently pressed his lips onto your forehead. A meaningful kiss, conveying everything else he doesn't or couldn't say.

Dinner was unmistakeably awkward after that. You had most certainly lost your appetite after the conversation you had with him

"Hyun- i- " he waited for you , patiently, just like the guy in that picture of the exhibition was. " I just- i don't think this is a good idea " you were scared he would get mad, not because he was a short tempered person but the situation is itself that nerve wrecking.

"so your feelings were always platonic? About me ? "

You could only sigh " it doesn't matter "

" ofcourse it does" he was surprisingly calm, as if he saw this coming.

" i don't want to give you false hopes, or lead you on more than how much I've unintentionally had already. "

" you didn't lead me on " he chuckled

" everyone thinks you and Chris should be together. I do too. It's true that it hurts like hell to think i can't replace his place in your heart but I'm okay with it. Really. It's selfish but I just wanted to let you know how I feel about you. " His eyes were so kind, so calm. It pained you. He smiled softly and it looked so genuine and excruciating.

If anything that you're sure about this whole situation is that you're left utterly confused by it. After years of failed convincing that Chris is just your friend, you've let yourself embrace the fact that you are terribly in love with him. And after days of contemplating you finally decided that you want to share this one last secret that your heart carries so sacredly, with your best friend too. That you would tell chris that you love him, and then deal with whatever happens next. All of that courage leaked out the second hyunjin confessed. " I like you but he loves you " he had said. You don't know what to do with that information, or if it is even correct to begin with.

You're lying at your bed staring aimlessly at the mundane ceiling of your room. Chris has given you two missed calls already. He's waiting on the other side, fidgeting with his phone ,for you to pick up and tell him about the secret you mentioned to him about before. Hyunjin had apologised for the umpteenth time that evening. He shouldn't need to apologise for his feelings but he did and you're still mad. At him. At the situation. But mostly, at yourself.

Fuck.

How did you get yourself here? You wished you could move to a different country and change your identity altogether, so that you don't have to face them again. Or face the horrible truth that you can't be with Chris, not anymore, not after hyunjin's confession. It would kill Chris if he found out.

Your phone rang again. And unsurprisingly, it's him again.

" what. " You hated how you had almost no control over your anger. Your voice was inevitably rude than what chris had expected.

" hi. Hyunjin said you're back, and you said you wanted to have a chat earlier" his voice sounded weaker.

" yeah, about that- "

" it's okay if you're tired, we can talk later. "

You audibly sigh.

You knew you're about to cry.

" you okay?"

" yeah. I'll talk to you later okay? " You utter in a single breath.

It was only after a brief pause that he spoke again " sure. I'm only a text away if you need me "

You knew he was. That's what hurt the most. And there's no way out of this without atleast one of you getting hurt.

................................................................................

Not even Chris's busy life could keep him distracted from the fact that your voice grew more distant every time he tried to talk to you on call, your texts grew drier and not seeing you that Friday has stretched to three more of those. He didn't stop trying though. When he called you to ask about your day, that inevitably always went unresponded, you wished he would stop. Every time he knocked at your door with your favourite take-away food in hand, only to be lied to about you not being at home, you selfishly hoped that this would be the last time and then it'll be easier for you to live with the fact that you're pushing him away, even if your heart is getting shredded into bits and pieces in the process .

Chris couldn't keep moving any further. He is angry, and so so hurt that you, out of all the people, is doing this to him. What did he even do to have you cut him out from your life without an explanation?

Frustrated, chris opted for the only option he had left. He asked hyunjin. And Hyunjin wouldn't lie to him, not willingly anyway.

How stupid, Chris thought. How fucking stupid of both of you. With all the knowledge of what exactly triggered this reaction from you, and how it's more directed towards him than hyunjin, he's put one and one together, and realised that his feelings for you weren't all one sided afterall. But he can't ignore how he's mad at you for the way you're dealing with your feelings. It's not something he can help with , but it frustated him nonetheless. Loving you was lonely for him. But it's never been as painful as it has been lately.

So here he is again, incessantly knocking at your door. It's friday, 8 in the pm, and he knows you're at home.

" open the door. I know you're in there. "

You are standing across the hallway. He's mad and it's unmistakeably evident in his voice and you know he doesn't deserve what you're doing to him, but your rotten brain still holds you back from opening the door for him.

" y/n. " He rests his forehead on the door and closes his eyes dejectedly. He sounded so weak, you could cry. " We should stop dancing around our feelings. It's hurting us. You and me both. Can you not see? "

Your hands softly land on the doorknob. You rest your forehead on the hard surface of the door unknowingly mimicking his gesture. A tear ran down your face.

" you're - you make me so angry sometimes. I feel like screaming. And I love you so goddamn much, it's tearing me apart.

Will it kill you to be honest with me about your feelings for once? " his voice only grew weaker with each words "i know you're listening, answer me. Please. Say something." You wouldn't catch his last words if it wasn't just a door separating you two because of the way his throat gave up.

You don't know how to answer him. You would love to just run away, but you've done that enough. How far can you even go than you might already have from Chris? But, he said he loves you, right? You didn't hallucinate that. You heard him.

Gently you open the door. The anger within him softened the second he saw your tear stained face, eyes bloodshot. Chris's brows furrowed together, the frown on his beautiful face looked so painful, and you hated how you caused it.

" chris. "

His face looked defeated, bearing an expression so excruciating, eyes fighting tears and he pulled you close. Into his warm embrace.

After everything you've done to him, he still held you close and buried his head into your neck like the times he did when the world was being mean to him.

" I'm sorry " your breathy voice came out broken, almost inaudible. " I'm so sorry" . You realise it's not just Chris' trembling body, but you are shaking too. His cries grew louder and yours followed soon after.

Your insides burn in pain, but there's no medicine on earth that can soothe your bruises the way his mere presence does in your life. There's no other place you'd rather be, than here, with him. You don't recall how long you stood there at the door, knitted into each other's body like it was the oxygen you've been lacking for days. But you do remember how he made you feel extremely brave. So you did what you've dreaded doing all this while.

" i really fucking love you. And it's killing me "

He breaks the hug first. Only this time his expression is replaced by a more content one. There's a relief painted across his face.

" i know. " His contorted into what looked like a smile. "You shouldn't have pushed me away. We don't do that, not with each other. "

" i know " you mouthed as he closed the door behind him and rested his back on the door frame.

" cowards. Both of us "

" mostly me. And stupid too. "

You heard him laugh softly and it watered your dry, barren, thirsty heart that was burning under your fatal thoughts these past few days.

" we're gonna talk and fix whatever's there to be fixed and we'll be okay " his voice sounded more sincere than ever.

You nod.

..................................................................................

Hyunjin found himself standing right where you stood that night at the exhibition, in front of the picture he drew with floods of unnameable feelings oozing out of him. He'll never know if your heart ever skipped a beat for him the way his always did when you were around. Or if you ever searched for him in a crowd, the way he did. You probably didn't even stare at your phone endlessly waiting for him to reply back. Although that's because he always made it a point to reply astronomically fast to your texts. It's pathetic how he can never like anything a normal amount. And you weren't an exception either. He would give up his all, even his own feelings, if it meant he could see the smile he loved so dearly on your face, the one he can draw with his eyes closed because of the amount of times he's drawn it on his canvases in the disguise of a flower, sometimes a butterfly.

But hyunjin knows better than to have to win your love and hate himself for it when he doesn't. One of you had to lose and he's fine with being the loser. He doesn't even want the sadness to go away. It is afterall, the only place you're still his. He's going to find a way to live around it. And maybe someday he'll wake up with the memories of his love for you so faint , he wouldn't even notice it was there at the first place. And then, only then, he'll be okay too.

...............................................................................

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maximoffcarter · 1 year ago

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You didn't know?

Pairings: Alex Cabot x reader.

Summary: Y/n and Alex have been dating for a while, but no one in the squad knows about it. Right?

A/n: Another beautiful request but this time...Alex Cabot x reader. I gotta admit I have many of these, both for Casey and Alex, and let me tell you...it's comfort. So, if you have any more reader inserts, lemme know. Enjoy and leave your comments, reblog, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

*not my gif*

If there was something about the SVU squad, was that they all had their backs, no matter what. Either they had some issues, they were attacked, they were at risk, whatever they needed, they were there for each other. But something that they didn’t find odd at all was that they really didn’t talk much about their personal lives. Of course, everyone knew Stabler’s kids and wife, they knew about Fin’s son, Much didn’t actually say much but Stabler knew he had a brother, and Olivia, they knew about her mother that had now passed away. Alexandra Cabot learned a thing about everyone every single day, from the day she joined, she learned to study them and get her own conclusions until proven wrong, that’s the way she got to know people. It was no surprise that Alex was a private person, people knew some things about her but nothing too personal, whatever she did after work, it was for her to know and for the rest to wonder. It was even uncommon to see her in normal clothes, always wearing some fancy brand suit with her perfect hair, so if she had a secret life outside work, no one would ever know.

That’s how, no one in the squad or even the DA’s office knew that Alexandra Cabot had a girlfriend. The Ice Queen had a girlfriend. It wasn’t like she wanted to keep it a secret, it was not, she was happy with her girlfriend, and she loved her. Hell, she was crazy about her, she’d do anything for her, she had fallen hard, and she was happier than ever. But she also knew that if she put it out there that she was dating someone, she would be at risk. They dealt with any type of people every day to the point where they didn’t know how dangerous they could be and what they could be capable of, so that’s why Alex decided to keep it between them. And her girlfriend, y/n, didn’t object. She knew the job, she was close to it since she worked as Melinda’s second in command, so basically, she knew the whole squad, she was seen at the precinct whenever Melinda was busy and asked her to go. So they knew her.

That’s how Alex and y/n met; Melinda was normally the one who took the results to the squad, sometimes directly to Alex whenever she requested a copy to prepare her questions, but they had been stuffed with work and Melinda had sent y/n to take a copy of some exams to Alex. Y/n knew who Alex Cabot was, of course she knew, she had seen her before, and she would’ve lied if she said she hadn’t felt butterflies in her stomach. She was beautiful, y/n was sure that wherever she went, everyone stopped and stared at her, how could they not? But this was the very first time that she was going directly to Alex, to say the least, she was very nervous, she knew she’d definitely make a fool out of herself.

Y/n knocked on her door and cleared her throat. “Ms. Cabot?”

Alex looked up and smiled. “Hi, can I help you?”

“Uh-“ Y/n showed her the folder and smiled a little. “Melinda asked me to bring you a copy of the results from the Turner case?”

“Oh! Yes. I thought she’d come. Come on in.” Alex smiled. “Close the door, please.” Y/n gulped as she closed the door, walking to Alex’s desk and handing her the papers. Alex looked up at her and grinned. “You can sit down, you know?”

Y/n chuckled. “Thanks.”

Alex squinted her eyes as she looked at her, raising her brow. “Can I offer you some water?”

“No, I’m good. Thank you.”

Alex nodded and started reading the results. “Seems like everything I need is here.” She looked back at y/n and smiled. “Thank you for bringing them to me.”

“Is there anything else you need me to bring?”

“Not for now. I think these results will be enough.” Alex smiled as she tilted her head. “You’ve been to the precinct, haven’t you?”

Y/n nodded, her heart skipping a beat. Alex has noticed her. “I have. I normally go whenever Melinda is busy, I’m…literally her second hand.” She chuckled.

“You must be good at your job then. I know Melinda can be a little strict.” Alex grinned.

Y/n chuckled softly. “She’s alright. She’s been like my mentor ever since I joined.”

Alex nodded. “Well, I won’t take more of your time. Thank you for bringing me these. I hope I get to see you again.” She grinned.

Y/n stared at her for a moment, feeling her legs trembling. “Would you…maybe…like to get a coffee some time? Maybe lunch?”

Alex tilted her head as she smiled. “I’d like that.” She grabbed a small card and wrote her personal phone number on the back. She looked up again and handed it to y/n. “Here. Call me when you’re off work and we can meet up somewhere.”

“I sure will.” Y/n smiled softly as she grabbed the card and looked at it for a moment and then back at Alex. “I’ll see you around then.” She stood up and walked to the door.

“See you around, y/n.” Alex smirked as she looked back down at her files.

Y/n stopped on her tracks and looked back at Alex. “You…you know my name.”

Alex looked back at y/n. “I might have asked Melinda about you.” She smiled.

And that’s where the relationship started. Y/n loved to remember how Alex used to play this flirtatious woman, almost hard to get. She would lie if she said she had never heard from people how Alex always rejected them when asked on dates, but y/n had acted out of impulse when asking and she got a yes, and Alex later confessed that she had been watching y/n from afar and she had been wanting to run into her to ask her out but never had the pleasure too. After a month or two of dating, Alex was deeply in love with y/n and the ‘hard to play’ persona was completely gone.

********************

“Melinda, I finished the paperwork from the Lopez case. Do you need anything else?” Y/n smiled softly as she stood beside Melinda.

“No, you’re free to go.” Melinda looked up at her and smiled. She raised her brow as she grinned. “Going somewhere in this fine Friday night?”

Y/n chuckled. “To my couch and my cozy blanket.”

“Oh, c’mon, y/l/n. You’re young, why don’t you go out and get yourself a date? I’m pretty sure you’d get anyone you want.” Melinda said as she went back to the computer.

Y/n smiled. “I don’t really want anyone. I’ve already got what I want.” She patted Melinda’s shoulder. “See you tomorrow.” She grabbed went to grab her stuff before she left.

The moment y/n started working with Melinda, she felt safe and comfortable, something she had been scared about because she first thought she would never be good enough for her job. But Melinda had received her with open arms and had taught her everything she knew so far, and y/n always told her she would forever be grateful. So whenever Melinda made comments like that, she wished so badly she could just tell her that she had everything she always wanted because she was dating Alex, but she knew that their relationship was private and for a good reason. They had been dating for the last 2 years, and the conversation about relationships had never actually showed up until this very moment, which made her realize that for all this time, no one had suspected anything. Maybe because they were not seen together often, or they were not in the same place ever.

Y/n closed the door behind her and placed her coat and bag on the rack beside the door. She made sure the door was locked and she walked to the big living room, finding Alex sitting on the couch with some files on her lap. She loved the times when she came back from work and she found Alex in the apartment already, it wasn’t common since Alex normally always worked until late at night in her office, or if she came back home, she was stuck in her office until early hours. Y/n smiled softly and leaned over the arm of the couch, kissing her cheek softly.

“I’m surprised you’re home.” Y/n whispered softly as she kissed the side of her head.

Alex giggled and threw her head back to look at y/n. “Thought I’d just finish my notes here.”

Y/n chuckled at the angle but leaned down to kiss her lips. “Good. So. Dinner? Do you fancy some chicken and pasta?”

“I’d like that.” Alex smiled. She then moved as y/n walked out of the living room. “Do you need some help?” She put all her files together and then followed y/n into the kitchen.

“You can just sit there and look all pretty as always.” Y/n tilted her head as she smiled.

Alex rolled her eyes playfully. “You’re afraid I’m going to burn down our kitchen?” She went ahead and got some glasses out for wine.

Y/n chuckled and wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist, kissing her shoulder. “I want to spoil you. If you wanna help, you can go ahead and put the pasta to boil while I prepare the chicken.”

Alex turned on her arms to look at y/n and smiled. “Okay, that sounds like a plan.” She pecked her lips softly and then went ahead to get the pasta.

“So…” y/n cleared her throat as she got all the things she needed from the fridge. “Melinda asked me why I wasn’t partying in this fine Friday night.” She walked to the kitchen island and placed all the things there, looking at Alex.

“And what did you say?” Alex turned to look at her with a curious look.

“That my couch and my cozy blanket were waiting for me.” Y/n smirked.

Alex laughed. “Am I the blanket?”

Y/n shrugged. “You could be.” She winked at her.

Alex shook her head as she walked to y/n and kissed her forehead. “We can always tell them, you know?”

“I’m okay with how we are.” Y/n looked at Alex and smiled. “We know the job we do, I know the risks you have with your job. And it’s a relationship for us and no one else. So…” she shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

Alex nodded as she smiled. “Then we just stay as we are.” She leaned in and kissed her lips softly. “You know I love you, right?”

“Mmm…no? I don’t know what you talking about.”

Alex wrapped her arms around her neck as she grinned, pulling y/n for a slow and passionate kiss, y/n’s hands going up to her back to pull her impossibly closer. She tried deepening the kiss, but Alex pulled away, smiling against her lips.

“Say that again?” Alex whispered.

“I love you too.” Y/n smiled as she pulled Alex for another kiss.

********************

“Life without parole.” Alex said as she walked into the room with the squad sitting at their respective desks, everyone looking at Alex.

“We knew you got this, Cabot.” Fin said as he offered a smile.

“Wait, so they didn’t buy the whole crap of being mentally ill?” Elliot grinned.

“His DNA was literally all over her and almost in every part of her apartment. There was no way they’d believe that he was mentally ill when he was fully conscious of what he had done. I defied him and he told me every little thing he did, and he looked proud of it. That was our win.” Alex grinned.

“And we gotta thank or M.E.’s for that.” Olivia said just as Melinda and y/n walked in, looking at everyone with confused looks.

“What happened?” Melinda looked at Alex confused.

“Life without parole. We got the bastard., and Olivia is right. I have to thank you both.” Alex grinned softly as she looked at y/n.

“You’re very much welcome. It wasn’t much. We just needed to test around 15 people to find a match.” Y/n shrugged as she joked.

“Ms. y/l/n complaining here because she was the one who tested them all.”

“Hey, I spent like 2 hrs there, It’s only fair that Ms. Cabot here thanks me.” Y/n smirked as she looked at Alex.

“As I said, thank you for your help.” Alex winked at her, turning to check that no one had noticed.

“Well, well. We also worked here, so, what do y’all say we go for some drinks? Melinda? Y/n? Alex, you promised you’d join us next time so it’s only fair you come with us tonight.” Fin got up and grabbed his coat, looking at the squad.

“I second, Fin. We all have to go.” Munch stood up too and grabbed his coat, putting it on.

Olivia looked at the girls and raised her brow. “C’mon, girls. A drink won’t hurt.”

Y/n looked at Alex who was already looking at her and they gave each other a small nod as if to confirm that they were okay with it. It wasn’t their first time joining the squad for drinks, they’ve done it a bunch of times before, but they always preferred to just go home and have their own little celebration in the comfort of their apartment, but tonight, they thought it was no harm to join them, they knew it would be fun and they could always leave after an hour or so. They all walked to the nearest bar that was not that crowded, and the rounds of drinks started. It was maybe the fact that they were laughing hard that they didn’t notice how many drinks they had so far, or maybe it was just them not minding the number of drinks they’d take that night, it could be anything at this point, but Alex definitely wasn’t counting her drinks.

After 2 hrs, y/n had ordered some water and coffee for them, wanting to sober up a bit -not that she didn’t like tipsy Alex, she actually thought she was really cute, and two or three more drinks and she turned into hot Alex, which…was her personal favorite-. She went ahead and picked up their drinks, putting them in front of Alex who looked at her with a confused face at first.

“So you sober up a bit.”

“Ah, c’mon, y/l/n!” Elliot laughed. “You’re no fun. Let Cabot loosen up a bit. Not like we’re drunk.”

“Yeah, y/n. It’s the first time in so long that Alex actually says yes to coming with us for drinks and you wanna stop her.” Melinda raised her brows as she looked at her.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully as she looked at them. “I’m just looking out for you, you know?” She then looked at Olivia. “Liv? Back me up here?”

“Oh, c’mon, baby. Another drink or two are not gonna hurt me. I’ll drink the coffee after another drink, promise.”

“That’s what you always say, Lex, and then you whine about having another.” Y/n raised her brow at her as she grinned. But then her grin vanished as she looked around them.

At the same time, it seemed like Alex sobered up enough to realize what they had just said, doing the same as Y/n. “Uh. Maybe I should take my coffee now.” She grabbed the cup and took a sip of it.

Olivia raised her brows as she smirked. “Baby? Lex?”

“Is there something you guys wanna share with the group?” Melinda smirked.

Munch furrowed his brows as he looked at everyone. “Wait, you guys really didn’t know that they were dating? They’ve been dating for the last 2 years. I thought you guys were detectives.”

Everyone turned to look at Munch with surprised looks, Alex and y/n’s jaws dropped as they stared at Munch. They were so sure they had been careful enough to keep it private, but it seemed like they had failed.

“How did you know?” Y/n finally said after like 2 minutes of silence.

Munch huffed a chuckle. “If you guys wanted to keep it private, you should’ve avoided standing in front of the precinct and kissing.”

Alex laughed as she shook her head. “Guess it’s out now.” She looked at y/n and shrugged. “Told you sooner or later they’d find out.”

“I mean, Munch is not wrong. You are all detectives and couldn’t figure it out?” Y/n shook her head. “You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“You gotta be kidding me! I was about to get you a date and you’ve been dating Alex for 2 years! Thought we were sisters.” Melinda snapped as she laughed.

“In my defense, it was never brought up. And yes, you’re like my big sister, so I apologize. But now that you guys know, yes. Alex is crazy for me.” Y/n wrapped her arm around Alex as she grinned.

Alex laughed as she shook her head. “Oh, says the one that was a bundle of nervousness whenever I was around.”

Y/n chuckled as she leaned in and kissed her lips, not caring about the squad anymore. No, they were not really trying to hide it, they simply decided the relationship was theirs and theirs only, so there was no need to display it to anyone else, but now that they all knew, they were more than happy to share it with them. Even though they knew the teasing would never end.

#alex cabot #alexandra cabot #alex cabot x reader #svu #svu fic #law and order svu #also excuse me while I pass out but the gif?? ma'am

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hobiespick · 1 year ago

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Sam Winchester x reader headcanons part 2

<33

a/n : fuck it we ball sammy headcanons part 2, I made a shit ton of them (yeehaw i made another moodboard) hope you guys like my shitty thoughts (i am acting so nonchalant but i am actually shaking i'm so goddamn nervous) , thank you sm for all the likes and feedback ! Enjoy!

Summary : Headcanons I wrote for Sam x reader (can be read as gn!reader), very few are abt Dean, mention of Sam's childhood, Sam being head over heels for u, Sam being flirty, the reader is mentioned to be shorter/smaller than Sam.

-He carries around your hairties: around his wrists, the pockets of his brown jacket or his wallet - buys Dean bubblegum air fresheners for baby. - he's a communist so his favourite icecream flavour is berry - he is the one to tell you to please call him Sammy. You've never dared to call him that, you know he doesn't let anybody else call him that besides dean, your last wish is to make him uncomfortable or annoyed. Infantilizing a 6'4 man would be the most emmbarassing way to get dumped. - you would rather fall face first into the ground than actually call him that - so when it's a lazy day and you’re both laying in his bed (u were physically dragged there by the giant) you hear Sam mutter something tiredly in your neck as his koala grip on your waist gets tighter. "What was that?" You ask softly. He has to drag his head up and look at you his hazel eyes seem dark brown due to the lighting in the room and his hair is messy, strands sticking up and down, he looks adorable. "You can call me Sammy" he repeats himself clearly voice lower than usual but geniune as he rubs the back of his knuckles over his eyes. You smile fondly at him, "Ok" you reply using the same soft voice as if you replied with a voice any louder than that you would ruin his sleepy state. He nudges his head back into your neck with a satisfied sigh. You can't help but travel your hand up to his hair to run your fingers through it and kiss his temple. "Night, Sammy" you whisper. He mutters something else in your neck but you know it's 'goodnight', feeling him smile against your skin before falling asleep fast, a result of the level of trust he has in you.

- avril lavigne enjoyer (he is a teenage girl your honor) - you bother him with psyhological questions to scare him or something but he answers them with the same amount of melancholy for shits and giggles - he is a feminist

- really really likes sarcastic people, playing along with you, just shooting back snarky replies at eachother (he is flirting)

- likes being one of the very few people you trust - he also gets unconsciously close to you - you both could be in a large room (inside a haunted house probably) and he would still be right behind you, glued to you like a gum to a shoe - can you imagine not paying attention and walking right into him - me personally I would break my nose, have you seen his chest? holy fuck

- that one time you mouthed off a victims relative for not giving a fuck about his missing son but he got verbally agressive quick and Sam had to swoop in and save your ass, putting himself infront of you shielding you from the vic's relative calming the situation down imediately. - Dean unfortunately wasn't there, he was checking out some place where the vic might have been before they went missing, it was just you and Sam supporting (interrogating) the family - I am mentioning this because if Dean was in fact there things would escalate fast, you're basically his little sister.

- Dean probably loved indiana Jones as a kid ( dunno if this is canon or not I am on szn 2)

- you and sam were asking eachother questions, getting to know one another to pass the time once on some kind of stake out. - you asked him what was his favorite stuffed animal as a kid - he said he doesn't remember. (*sounds of uncontrolable sobbing coming from me n u*) - he asked you what was yours to change the subject - he would lie if he said that it didn't bother him, not remembering something normal people can easily recall from their childhoods - you replied back with your kid self fav stuffie smilling at the memory but feeling bad for Sam , heart aching at his confession - "i'm sorry you don't remember Sam." you say geniunely, how can someone be robbed of such a normal thing everyone should have? You've never wanted to buy someone a stuffed animal as bad as you do now. I know I am the one talking about "infantilizing a 6'4 man" but please, I can allow to contradict myself just this once. - he asked another question to shrug it off, he usually doesn't want anybody's pity, but yours felt honest, almost like his past hurt you too and he can't help but have the perverted need to tell you all about his fucked childhood, to have you hug him, maybe he was selfish and wanted desperately to be comforted by you. - "What was your favourite book when you were 13?" He skips past the subject quickly with an oddly specific question because he is Sam

- remembers Dean to drink water, Dean does the same with Sam just not verbally. Dean leaves water bottles where Sam can see them and Sam pretends to not notice it smilling to himself everytime he opens them and takes a sip

- gets some kind of sick twisted amusement from seeing you flustered (i'm so sorry I was literally talking about childhood trauma a min ago and now Sam is flirty) - example, you theorize with Sam about the monster you're having trouble identifying, he also can't hear you and you literally started muttering to yourself like a mad scientist, so to kill two birds with one stone he leans in dangerously close, looks you in the eye with a stoic expression and has the audacity to say "Hm? I'm sorry I can't hear you sweetheart." In his low drawl, LAWD HATH MERCY AHSHSBHAGA - he breaks character and smiles when he sees you get pulled out from your pondering haze - "M-might be a vengefull spirit." You repeat yourself, that little stutter and faint crimson on your cheeks shattering your whole 'badass, intimidating hunter' thingy you got going on in a matter of seconds, feeding his ego with a spoon.

- thinks it's cute when you and Dean act like siblings.

- he always knows what you need. "Sammy can you please give me my-" and you’re cut off by the sight of Sam already holding your sweater, the item of clothing looking ridiculously smaller in his hands. and if you jokingly ask him to put it on you too he just might (he is that head over heels for you) - if you ask him how did he know you wanted your sweater he would reply with something along the lines of "I saw it in my visions." sarcastic little shi- - he saw you running your hands up and down your arms before asking him - and since he is boyfriend coded, it's in his instinct to know what to do

- if he was feeling cute he would've enveloped you in a bear hug in order to warm you up.

- if you see him reading please pick up that unread book i know u have on your nightstand and read beside him. It can be your lil cute routine, can you imagine he just drags u to the couch or his bed, holding 2 books one of yours and one of his because it's comfy reading time, oh you're alone doing nothing? nah BAM QUALITY TIME BIATCH

a/n: kinda lost sleep because of these but it's fine, I also think imma post and write for fun ,still learning the ropes of writting but uh yeah, again hope you guys like these feedback would be very much appreciated! 🫶

#sam winchester x reader #spn #dean winchester #supernatural #jared padalecki #supernatural fanfiction #jensen ackles #supernatural headcanon

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stardustluvs · 2 years ago

Text

Car Sex - Sam Golbach x Colby Brock

MDNI || KINKTOBER

Word Count: 1,027

Pairing: Sam Golbach x Colby Brock

Summary: They just finished filming a video, what better way to celebrate than fucking in the backseat of Colby’s car?

Warnings: NSFW

Author’s Note: Welcome to day one of kinktober! Nobody better to kick off the month with than Sam and Colby! I’ve got a lot planned for this month so definitely check out my kinktober masterlist to see what else is coming up :)

Requests are open! || masterlist || kinktober m.list

After a long day and night of recording, it was nice to just sit and talk. It was dark outside and neither of the two had a clue what time it was as Sam leaned against Colby’s shoulder in the front seat of their car.

They hadn’t left the parking spot of the haunted building they had just investigated, rather sitting inside the car, reflecting on tonight's events and spending time talking to each other.

Youtube makes it kind of hard to have a relationship, especially when you’re both youtubers.

“We're gonna sit here all night?” Sam asked, mostly joking since it had been at least twenty minutes since they wrapped their video up.

“I wouldn’t mind it,” Colby laughed in response, pressing a kiss against Sam’s head.

Sam sat up a little bit, “I’m kind of tired,” He admitted, to which Colby playfully rolled his eyes at.

“You’ll get to sleep in the car, we’re a good hour from home anyway,” Colby sighed, missing the way Sam had been resting against his shoulder just moments prior.

“Come here,” The brunet whispered softly under his breath, pulling Sam in and kissing his lips softly.

He could feel Sam smile against his lips before pulling away slowly.

“Missed you,” Sam said softly.

“I haven’t gone anywhere,” Colby said back, kissing him again, a little rougher this time, causing Sam to whine a little at the suddenness, but he melted into it, wrapping his arms around Colby’s neck while Colby kept him close, finding it a little hard to with them being in a car.

“Backseat?” Sam asked when he pulled away after a moment, resulting in the other nodding, moving to get out of the car and into the backseat as quickly as possible, Sam following suit.

Once the two of them were in the back of Colby’s car, Colby almost immediately resumed what he had been previously doing.

Their bodies were pressed so close against each other, their lips practically attacking each other. Colby’s arms were wrapped around Sam’s waist, pushing him back against the car seat.

“Colby, fuck, please…” Sam mumbled out through heavy breaths.

Colby wasted little time getting his belt buckle undone, pulling his pants down enough to show how hard he had become through this entire exchange.

Sam discarded his pants somewhere in the car, Colby leaned down to press soft kisses against Sam’s neck while he began palming the blond through his boxers.

Neither of them were worried about getting caught, it was late and they were in the middle of basically nowhere, there was zero chance they would ever be interrupted.

“Colby, oh my God, please,” He practically begged, needing more than just Colby’s hand. He rutted up against the other’s hand.

“Please what?” Colby teased, which only earned him a groan from Sam.

“Need you, so bad,” Sam pleaded.

“That’s all you had to say, Sammy,” Colby teased again, nipping at Sam’s neck softly.

Colby pulled his cock free from his boxers while Sam focused on getting his off as well.

Colby helped Sam lay back the seat as best as he could, reaching over to the center console of the front seat to get the small bottle of lube he very conveniently carried with him.

He squirted a little bit onto his fingers before tossing the bottle somewhere else in the car, warming the lube up on his fingers first. He pressed his index finger against Sam’s hole, watching his head fall back, almost immediately getting lost in the pleasure.

He inserted his finger and started to push it in and out, little noises erupting from Sam’s throat. It was music to Colby’s ears.

“More, Colby, please,” Sam begged.

Colby smiled a little and inserted a second finger into him, beginning to set a steady pace, scissoring his boyfriend open.

“Shit, Colby, ah-” Colby could hear that Sam was getting close already, so he removed his fingers, causing Sam to whine at the loss of contact.

“It’s okay, just don’t want you to cum yet,” He said, reassuring Sam while he lined himself up with Sam’s entrance.

Sam moved his hips to try to get Colby to hurry up. Colby held Sam’s waist in place as he pushed himself into him.

It ripped a moan from Sam’s throat as he grabbed at Colby’s shirt, trying to hold onto any part of him that he could reach.

All Sam could say was Colby’s name as his eyes rolled back into his head. Colby slowly set a steady pace, fucking into Sam at a faster speed, groans falling from his own lips.

“Mmf…uckk..” Sam whined as Colby adjusted their position just a little, allowing himself to move faster, and harder. Sweat was starting to cover Sam’s body, his hair sticking against his forehead. Normally it probably would’ve made him feel gross but he couldn’t worry about that right now. He didn’t have a care in the world about how he looked right now because God, why should he when Colby was pounding him into the backseat of his car…

It was when Colby angled himself just right, when he hit Sam’s prostate, causing him to practically scream, and if they were anywhere else, they would have definitely gotten caught.

“Colby- there- please, fuck-” He panted, feeling as Colby continued to hit that spot every time. His eyes rolled back again and his head tilted back against the car seat.

Colby felt himself building up to his own release, hardly able to even think, himself, “I’m so close, Sam, shit,” He groaned.

Sam felt that long awaiting feeling in his stomach snap, as he finally released, making a mess of the two of them, and Colby’s car.

Colby continued fucking Sam through his release, himself cumming soon after.

After somewhat catching their breaths, Colby pulled out, trying his hardest to not just collapse.

Sam pulled him down anyway, the two of them laying, mostly uncomfortably, together in the backseat of the car.

“We should do that after every video,” Colby joked, giving Sam a kiss on the cheek.

Maybe just a few minutes of this would be okay…then they could go home.

#ship #solby #sam and colby #sam golbach #colby brock #sam and colby smut #sam x colby #sam golbach x colby brock #solby smut #kinktober

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kozachenko · 1 month ago

Text

On a less serious note about the whole Touhou 20 AI situation now that things have basically been resolved (at least from my point of view), I think it's really funny how the entire fandom that knew about this collectively went through the five stages of grief over these past few days. I made my last post about this literally at midnight so I wanna make this one just to sum up my thoughts when I'm not mentally tired. This is a long post so I'll just put it all under the "keep reading" tab.

I find it interesting how basically every theory I've heard for the past few days about the AI usage ended up being kinda right???? Like, it's both stock image use, AI use, AI use RELATED to Adobe (the person on reddit who speculated something along those lines must feel like a fucking prophet right now), and my own theory about the AI being used for time efficiency was also right. While I still don't think I'll be playing 20 anytime soon (not until I sort out my feelings about potentially playing it), I'm kinda (emphasis on kinda) relieved that things were nowhere near as bad as I thought they would be.

I do really wish that ZUN gave himself more time (like, at least a year) to make these games if he ended up having to resort to adobe's AI to quickly get background stuff done (and even with Adobe's AI there's still some ethical issues there) or get someone he knows to help him find backgrounds while he does the heavier stuff. This is why there are game development teams, because there does come a point when you're basically unable to do everything yourself in such a short amount of time.

This, oddly enough, brings me back to when I was really into Pokemon a few years ago, and the quality of the games was being impacted by Game Freak's size as a game studio and crunched time. Of course I haven't really been up to date on new Pokemon stuff now and I never head of them trying to use AI in an official game, but I just wanted to mention this since it was on my mind.

In the end, I am against AI usage and think that ZUN would have been better off just making the backgrounds himself via his own photography and photo bashing/drawings and I think it sucks that I have to settle for a "it could have been a lot worse" in this scenario.

But people have said this before and I will say it to, DO NOT HARASS OR THREATEN ZUN! It does literally nothing good for the community and is in no way a constructive way to criticize a person's actions or decisions. Also, I don't think people making fanart and stuff for Touhou 20 are "complacent" and "encouraging ZUN to keep using AI" The characters and music are still products of ZUN's own creativity and people still have a right to enjoy those good parts of the game.

Also, not everyone knows about this. The day after the demo released was when I found out about the whole AI thing after I saw one person talking about how they were gonna abandon Touhou and got so confused that I had to look up what happened with Touhou 20, saw "Touhou 20 AI" as a search result and stumbled upon the reddit post discussing it. I then looked to Tumblr, saw no one talking about it, and then waited to see if anyone else would talk about this and take that time to collect my own thoughts on it. The only reason I know is because I just so happened to find a post that was vaguely alluding to something bad happening. I bet a lot of other people in the fandom right now could also be unaware of this, so please give them some grace too.

In the end, there isn't really a wrong way to handle the outcome of this situation (OTHER THAN HARRSING ZUN AND SENDING HIM THREATS). Whether you choose to stay in the fandom, play or not play Touhou 20, (RESPECTFULLY) critique the game, not play it but still enjoy the good aspects of it (like the characters (has to change art in general because...ya know...) and music), all of those aspects are your decision and are based on your own morals and views on AI and how it is used in the game.

If there is any information that is wrong in this post, or anything that needs clearing up, PLEASE tell me in the comments. I'll probably add an edit on this post saying to go there. Also, if the link works (let me know if it doesn't), I'll also put the Twitter thread on this whole situation here for the sake of spreading it around because more people need to see it.

#touhou project #touhou 20 #fossilized wonders

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hotchs-big-hands · 2 years ago

Note

dbf!hotch gifts reader a nannycam for their room. Fun ensues. Send tweet.

(basically reader being a camgirl but for hotchy’s eyes only) 😩

Okay okay I have to get this out FIRST like you don't understand this makes me fucking BARK ROME your mind is literally stunning babe OKAY LETS GO

Dbf!Aaron Hotchner x gn!reader

NSFW minors dni please!

Warning(s): consensual voyeurism, daddy kink, masturbation, just smut LMAO it's so filthy!! Also changes to Aaron's perspective after first break.

Should probably note idk exactly how nannycams work I just did some reading up and I'm sort of basing off that. Anyway, ENJOY!

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

There it sat on the pristine dining table of your father's friend. A small, black cube no bigger than a dice awaited your response to its presence. Your eyes flicked to the man who had just placed it in front of you with a smirk, and you bit your lip.

"This is..."

Aaron raised a brow, the smirk growing.

"A little camera for you to place in your bedroom. Do you like it, sweetheart?" He said gently. A shiver ran down your spine as your eyes returned to the tiny nannycam.

"Holy shit..." You felt heat rising in your face and burning in your abdomen. "I do, yes. Thank you, Aaron."

Aaron cupped the back of your head with his hand and leaned over to press a kiss to your forehead.

"This, pretty thing, is so I can check in on you when I'm away with work. You understand, right?"

He was close to your face, his eyes focusing on your bitten lip. You moved to straddle his hips and his hands were immediately on your thighs, squeezing them possessively. A little hum reverberated from you as you nodded at him and you placed your hands on his firm chest to help balance yourself as you shifted around on his lap.

"Mmh... come by mine later so you can help me set it up?" You asked sweetly, batting your eyelids innocently at him. He chuckled and the hands slid round to your ass and firmly gripped onto the flesh there.

"Of course, sweetheart. Gotta make sure it's working, after all."

Yes, much later in the day did you both finally make it to your home and set up the little camera on a shelf attached to the wall, cushioned between some ornaments. And the rest of the evening was spent "testing" the angle of the camera out with a feed linked to Aaron's phone. When you eventually collapsed against the pillows together, entangled and breathing heavily, your mind wandered to the possibilities you had to have a bit of fun whilst your lover was away. A tired, but excited smile pulled at your face as you snuggled into his bare chest and you drifted off to sleep.

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

Three days had passed by after Aaron gifted you the little camera, and in that time he had, of course, been pulled away on a case. He hadn't yet had a spare moment to check in with you to ask if you were okay with him watching (he had made it clear that he wouldn't look unless you specifically said it was okay to do so) and admittedly, he was a little frustrated as a result. But work called, he had to focus on the current case instead. However, all was about to change with a simple text from you.

---

Sweetheart❤: How's everything going? xx

---

Aaron raised a brow as he stared at the text. You didn't normally contact him whilst he was working. He stepped away from the rest of his team for a moment to respond.

---

Me: As well as the average case goes. Are you alright? X

Sweetheart❤️: I'm heading to bed now, but I'm not very sleepy...

---

He felt himself tense a little, swallowing as he felt himself twitch in his slacks. He eyed his surroundings before he began to type.

---

Me: Sweet thing, you've got to try and get some rest, yeah? X

---

Moments later a photo came through from you, Aaron's breath hitched at the compromising position you were in, biting your lip and looking at the camera seductively.

---

Sweetheart❤️: Guess you'd better check your footage later then 😇

---

He quickly moved to press his back against a wall and typed furiously, slacks tightening.

---

Me: You really think you can just tease daddy like this and not be punished when I return?

Sweetheart❤️: Gn, daddy 🥰 xx

---

Aaron groaned quietly and pocketed his phone, glancing down at his crotch and willing the slight bulge to disappear. You were in so much trouble when he finally returned home, but he had to admit he was eager to return to his hotel room that night to see what you'd been up to. With a sharp exhale out of his nose he slowly returned to the room to continue working on the case.

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

Driving at the speed limit couldn't have been harder for Aaron than right now, desperate to make it back to the hotel and lock himself in his room. He knew the others could tell he was extremely tense and chalking it up to the difficult case, which admittedly, he was stressed out about, but he hadn't been able to keep you or the implications of your earlier messages out of his mind for the rest of the day.

So when he finally pulled into the hotel parking lot with Spencer and Derek in the car with him, he couldn't slam his door fast enough nor rush off into the hotel. He even took the stairs, two steps at a time, so he could get there quicker than waiting for an elevator. Finally. With his door locked his jacket and tie were quickly removed and his shoes toed off at the door, he crossed the room to the bed and he settled down on the edge of it and pulled his phone out.

He was eager, almost embarrassingly so but he didn't care. His thumb hovered over the app that was linked to the nannycam; his slacks were uncomfortably tight already. With a quiet exhale, he unbuckled his belt to give himself a brief sense of relief, then he clicked the app icon.

He remembered the estimated time you'd messaged him, scrolling through the footage from within the 12 hours of the day in the timezone you were in. Most of it was blank, obviously you'd been out for the day, but he slowed down the progress when your figure appeared, entering and leaving the room as you went about your evening. He smiled slightly in complete adoration of you, there was something so serene about watching you going about your time, a part of him secretly wishing he could witness all of it someday.

His thoughts were brought to a halt when you entered your bedroom dressed in a fluffy towel, having just returned from a shower. He shifted on the bed, settling back further as his eyes stared at the screen. At first, your back was to the camera when you unwound the towel from your body. Aaron narrowed his eyes slightly, wishing you would turn around. Then you did. Casually, you began drying your body off, dragging the fabric down your arms and across your neck. You paused, a little smile spread across your face and you moved the towel slower down your body.

His eyes followed the movement of your hand on the fabric, drifting down your chest and lingering. A deliberate, light brush against your nipples, then slowly drifting lower down your body. Tauntingly, you covered your crotch and Aaron groaned, holding his phone in his right hand whilst his left slid down to squeeze the growing bulge in his dress pants. You knew how he felt about you teasing him given you'd been punished for it already recently, brought to a point of begging him through tears to let you cum, to feel his cock inside you. Just the memory of it only made him strain against the fabric of his trousers more, so he unbuttoned them and slowly pulled the zipper down, a quiet grunt escaping him at the release in tension. His hand slipped inside, palming his cock over his boxers.

In the footage, you'd turned from the camera again and bent over to dry your legs, giving him a full view of your ass to him.

"Nngh, fuck." Aaron hissed, squeezing himself tighter. You walked out of frame, seemingly to hang the towel up to dry, but when you returned to the frame you were still in all your naked glory and there was no indication of that changing anytime soon. His eyes widened when you pulled open your bedside drawer and from it you took out one of his button down shirts, but his brow raised when you also picked up a small bottle, one that he knew very well.

"Oh, you naughty thing..." He whispered as you spritzed his cologne he thought he had misplaced a few weeks ago over the shirt he must have left behind at some point. You placed the bottle back into the drawer and held the shirt to your nose, climbing onto the bed to kneel, eyes closed as you inhaled deeply. Aaron groaned again quietly. He didn't know you did this, he would have to ask you if you did it all the time. It made him feel good to be so desired as this, he never expected anyone to want him as much as you clearly did. His cock was painfully hard now, and he pulled it from the top of his underwear with a hiss. The rosy red tip was already glistening with precum, he smeared it with his thumb and dragged it down the impressive shaft with a deep exhale.

Holding onto the shirt, you slowly pulled it down your body, rolling your hips as you brushed across your nipples again. And then, to Aaron's utter surprise, you moved the shirt down to your crotch and began to grind into it. He shuddered, cock twitching in his hand at the scene. You moved to the end of the bed, shirt still rubbing against your crotch, and knelt down, head against the bed with your ass angled towards the camera's general direction. Aaron swore under his breath as he began to slide his hand up and down his cock, squeezing his tip and using the precum that continued to leak out to lube himself. You were laying on top of the shirt, hand between your spread thighs as you touched yourself. Oh, how he wished he could hear your sounds right now.

He could imagine himself touching you in this position, teasing you as he rubbed his cock against your entrance. He wanted you to always have your face shoved against one of his shirts from now on, picturing you biting into it with every caress of his fingers or cock.

Your hips swayed and shuddered forward, your hand moving faster as you masturbated. Aaron moved his hand faster on his cock, thrusting up into his hand eagerly in time with your movements. He could tell you were close in the video, body shaking and back arching, it brought him closer to cumming as well. His chest heaved as he moaned, hips bucking when he watched you finally cum hard, staining his shirt no doubt, and pushing yourself until you collapsed, boneless. Not a moment sooner, Aaron groaned deeply as his cock shot rope, after rope of cum onto his hand and clothed chest. Slightly shaky, he quickly snapped a photo from his torso downward, hand still gripping his sensitive cock, and sent it to you.

---

Me: Sweetheart, look what you've done to me. I'll be having a word with you about taking my cologne...

---

Once the text was sent, Aaron let the phone drop onto the mattress beside him and groaned. His cock twitched in his hand, still aroused. He grimaced, knowing he needed to take a shower and shove his soiled clothes in the bottom of his bag. And so sluggishly, he forced himself to stand and make his way to the shower room.

When the new morning would come round, you'd wake up to more than just a picture.

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

AWOOGA OKAY thank you so so so much for reading !! I hope this was kinda what you were thinking of babes, but I could defo expand on this in future tho should the demand be there 👀

Taglist: @cr1minalskies @modern-mermaid @aaronhotchnersgirlfriend @aaronhotchswife @crimeshowjunkie @igotanidea @gogococopuffs @prentissesredtanktop @howabouticallyou @lalalove-56 @constantwritingblock @boredelle @powerlvr25 @idkbubs @mrs-ssa-hotch @emptybagofchips77 @yourmomsmilfmistress @jesuisbenny @nplumb22 @supercriminalbean @elijahmikaelsonbitch @wowzabowza69 @frostingway @simpingfortoomanypeople @munsonsposts @spenciesprincess @creepysweetie @bruhhvv @regulus-black-223048 @brasspistol @0nex-is-dead0 @livingdeadmak @myescapefromthislife @sebastiansstanswhore @bumblebea-xo @hangmandruigandmav @sareim123122 @magical-spit

#beloved rome #a answers #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch fanfiction #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x reader fanfiction #aaron hotchner x y/n #aaron hotchner x gn!reader #aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader #aaron hotchner x reader smut #hotch smut #aaron hotch smut #smut #nsfw.

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rachetmath · 1 year ago

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Pyrrha: Hi you must be Alyx.

Alyx: Yes.

Pyrrha: Well I just want to talk to you about something.

Alyx: I mean sure but what-

Pyrrha: Not what. It’s who. You know Jaune Arc?

Alyx: I mean y-

Pyrrha: You know the Rustud Knight? The one you betrayed? Who you poisoned?

Alyx: Well I can- *attempts to run*

Penny: *blocks her path*Nope. All attempts of escape are at zero right now.

Alyx: You can’t be serious.

Penny: As the current generation would say," Oh yes bitch. Try me."

Alyx: Okay I may have wronged him a little bit.

Lewis: A little? You completely poisoned him.

Alyx: Lewis you are not helping.

Lewis: At least like Jaune I was trying. But you never listen.

Alyx: Look I understand but what’s the big deal? He got back to Remnant.

Pyrrha: Why?! Why did you do it?

Alyx: I mean… well… I… um….

Pyrrha: Alyx, understand, you have two deadly women on both sides of you. If you don’t give us a good explanation well…. I guess we’ll finally see if you can fall from heaven.

Alyx: Well I saw this vision and I didn’t like it.

Penny: Understood, what was the vision?

Alyx: Um… I *whisper* don’t remember.

Penny: You what?!

Alyx: I don’t remember okay?!

Pyrrha: What vision? Who’s vision?

Alyx: I don’t know. The writers didn’t give me anything. I saved him though. That counts, right?

Pyrrha: No. He just survived.

Penny: Plus your ‘help’ could give him problems down the road.

Alyx: Like what?

Me: I mean the fan base speaks for itself. I mean the guy hasn’t been in Remnant for years it’s going to be kind of hard for him to readjust. Not only that he has to recover from years of isolation, PTSD, trauma, and because of you he might as well also be having trust issues. Not only that he had to leave another friend behind. You and the Ever After might as have shattered him

Alyx: Oh Oum.

Pyrrha: Yeah. Oum can’t save you. Penny.

Penny: Way ahead of you.

Alyx: Wait you wouldn’t hurt an innocent black child right?

Pyrrha and Penny: ………..

Me: Alyx you heard the saying, “Equal rights equal fights.”

Alyx: Let’s say I don’t.

Me: No matter your race. No matter your sexuality. No more matter your gender or age. You made a choice to do what you do. And as a result of said choice you must face said consequences. Weither they be good or bad. Basically you may be a kid but you were grown enough commit murder. And as such-

Pyrrha: You have this coming.

Alyx: *crying* I’m sorry. I just wanted to home. Jaune had no idea how. So I did what ever took. And then the Cat betrayed me and I died. Please? Don’t hurt me!

Summer: Come now ladies. I know you’re both upset but-

Pyrrha: Ms. Rose! Shut up!

Summer: I’m sorry? Who are you talking to?

Pyrrha: You are a nobody. You have been irrelevant for a while now. You left your daughters and died. Your daughter ain’t shit. Your team is still disbanded even after you died. You might as well be an afterthought at this point.

Summer: Said the girl who’s only job was to run away.

Pyrrha: I went out in a blaze of glory. I proved myself. What the fuck have you done?

Summer: Um.

Penny: Friend Pyrrha I know I have no rights to talk.

Pyrrha: Damn straight. You suffered more than myself. All you had to do was live. Instead, you traumatized my man. He just got over me too. Why would you do that?

Penny: Okay, I’m sorry. But, he’s going to be fine now. Let’s just let her go. And we pray he gets better.

Pyrrha: Fine. You're lucky Alyx.

Alyx: Thank you. But I am sorry.

Pyrrha: Shut up. Oum damn. If this story continues he better get stronger and kill Cinder. Because this is stupid. I mean how much trauma does one guy need? How he is not a villain? I mean, come on, he can’t be like Yuji, he doesn’t have skills like that.

Penny: Well friend W-

Pyrrha: If you say her name I will end you.

Summer: Okay woah, it’s been nine volumes why are you mad about this?

Pyrrha: One; he deserves better. Two; I prefer your daughter or anyone else than her. Three; she’s fucking useless. And four; it took him being an old man for her to start liking him. Fuck that bitch.

Summer: Well like said, if you stayed alive then-

Pyrrha: If you stayed alive maybe Qrow would have stopped drinking. If you stayed alive maybe your baby daddy wouldn’t be in a state of depression. Maybe if you stayed alive you could help your daughter learn how to control her eyes and be less useless in fighting the Queen of Grimm.

Summer: That was uncalled for.

Pyrrha: Move along side character.

#rwby #jaune arc #rwby alyx #penny polendina #pyrrha nikos #summer rose #qrow branwen #weiss x jaune #weiss schnee

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exeggcute · 1 year ago

Text

well it's been almost six months which I think is long enough to break my posting embargo, so, uh: guess what! I got liposuction lol. specifically hip/thigh lipo to quell some pretty wicked dysphoria that stemmed from having such a feminine silhouette… and I have to say I'm really, really pleased with the results.

tbh my initial plan was to keep things under wraps for good which is why I haven't said anything about it yet (and even as I'm typing this up I keep debating whether to post it or trash it)—partly because I was/am worried people might Act Weird about it and partly because I get a little embarrassed talking about bodygendershit in general. but here we are. one reason I do feel compelled to finally share, other than being super happy about how everything went, is that I haven't encountered a lot of discussions about body sculpting as a possible avenue of gender-affirming care (although, to be fair, maybe I just haven't been looking in the right places) and I figured at least one person out there would be interested to learn about what I did and where I've ended up so far.

anyway. pics/details under the cut—nothing even remotely risqué (or yucky), I just know that body image stuff is fraught + not everyone is eager to hear surgery talk.

to be precise: I got tumescent liposuction of the inner and outer thigh, plus this ultrasound thing to help the skin shrink. a different surgeon who I consulted (but ultimately did not go with for a number of reasons) said that even if I got the results I wanted from lipo, which he claimed was unlikely, the affected skin would look loose/baggy/weird forever... and that surgeon was wrong on both counts lol. my elasticity was great bitch!!!!

they didn't take out that much fat overall, only eight pounds or so, but it's way more about the Where than the How Much. my actual surgeon (who kicks ass btw) said lipo isn't that great for weight loss per se, and what it's really good for is sculpting targeted areas—so basically exactly what I did. six months post-op I actually weigh about the same as what I did pre-op, but the distribution has held steady; more weight goes to my stomach now and less, proportionally, goes to my hips since there are fewer fat cells in that area now. so my silhouette retains its new shape!

the overall change is admittedly on the subtle side, since I'm pretty short and have wide hip bones (and you can't change your literal skeleton) but it's still gone a looooooong way. the main thing I requested from my surgeon was "I want to fit in men's pants" and boy did he deliver.

also a good place to note that if you're in the las vegas area looking for a plastic and/or cosmetic surgeon—this guy is board-certified in both btw—then I absolutely have the guy for you. feel free to DM me for details. lipo is clearly his specialty (and it shows!) but he also does a lot of breast revisions/mastopexy (i.e., fixing implants that other surgeons did a bad job putting in), regular implants, and face work (particularly facial feminization surgery). one thing that sold me on this guy was an enthusiastic yelp review from a local stripper who said he hid the incisions for her breast lift in her armpits so none of her clients would notice that she'd had work done... a true master of his craft

okay you've scrolled enough so I'll give you what you're here for lol. I don't have many pre-op pics because I was obviously unhappy with how I looked and was not taking full-body selfies on a regular basis, but here's a few I took ~2 weeks beforehand:

these super thin men's joggers were my go-to dysphoria pants, to the point where I bought five pairs in different colors, but now they're so baggy on me that they have the opposite effect and make it look like I have wider hips than I do. so I retired them from my wardrobe...

...except not immediately because I had to wear compression garments 24/7 for the first three months post-op and these joggers were just loose enough to comfortably wear a medical girdle underneath them at all times, 110° degree temperatures be damned. (not that I was going out much for the first month since I was soooooooooooo fucking bruised and sore lol.) here's a few post-op pics in the same style pants:

(first pic is less than 24 hours post-op, about to go to my follow-up appointment, looking greasy as fuck because I wasn't allowed to shower yet; second pic two days post-op and also post-shower, thankfully; third pic is about a month post-op.)

so, like, CLEAR improvement already. I will not be posting pictures of my black-and-blue-and-swollen-all-over legs but considering how puffy I was from getting internally pummeled with a cannula it's wild that I still saw improvement literally as soon as I came home.

recovery was obviously not a blast in the moment but I got off easy, all things considered. I was supposed to get drains put in and was Not looking forward to that at all lol. the first thing I asked when I woke up after surgery was "how many drains?" because they weren't sure if I'd end up needing two or four, but it turned out the answer was zero. no drains!!!

I did have to lie with my feet elevated for the first two weeks straight, and had major bruising that receded over the first month (you could barely see my regular skin underneath all the mottled spots), but little to no nerve pain, no weird complications, and I was more or less back to normal after six weeks. also noelle took very very good care of me and was brave about injecting me with blood thinners so I wouldn't get clots and die :)

when I went into it I was fully expecting to get huge vertical scars up and down the sides of my legs (and had made peace with it!) but instead I wound up with four tiny incisions like this, each less than two inches long:

what's totally crazy is that the scars are basically Gone now. like even when I'm trying to find them I struggle to locate the ones in the front. I joked to noelle that if someone did an autopsy on me they might not figure out that I'd had cosmetic surgery, especially since the skin on my thighs is back to its normal color and texture. (in this scenario I like to imagine that it's dana scully giving me the autopsy and I'm in an x-files plot where instead of regular lipo I got alien lipo and mulder figures it out purely by accident.)

with lipo it can take up to a year to see the full results but I already feel so much fucking better in my body that seeing old pre-op pics throws me for a loop. and I can absolutely wear men's pants now—pants for short and stocky men, to be fair, but actual regular men's pants and not exclusively Pants For Men With Huge Butts And Legs. which is the only style I could even hope to fit in before. and even then it was a stretch.

big pic dump of shitty mirror selfies taken over the last few months:

(also I really debated sharing this one but I already included it in the yelp review I left my surgeon so fuck it: here's a tasteful before-and-after in my undies where you can see my bare legs for easier comparison. left pic is one week pre-op, right pic is about five months post-op. including it as a link instead of embedding it in the post in case your boss happens to be reading over your shoulder at this very moment. also this is the one and only time you will ever see me stripped down on tumblr dot com so don't get used to it lol.)

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mxckiemxn · 1 year ago

Note

An ask request please like it's a doctor jungkook x reader au

Really don't know from where it came from 😅

I loved this omg! Sorry it took me so long to get to 😅. I hope you enjoy, love! ~Mackie 💜

Pairing: Doctor!Jungkook x reader

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, swearing, mentions of blood, bad breakup, the whole thing happens in a doctor's office, kinda angsty, brief mentions of-sex, alcohol, and tobacco (checkup questions)

@rkive-joonie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat in the waiting room, subconsciously tapping your foot against the floor as you scrolled through your phone. You hated going to the doctor’s office. Something about the entire experience triggered anxiety to brew within you. Maybe it was the way that the air felt heavier in the building. Maybe it was the sterile smell that lingered, or maybe it was the fact that you couldn’t go to the doctor without being reminded of your ex. Regardless, you avoided it whenever you could.

Your ex, Jungkook, was a doctor. The two of you had been high school sweethearts, and you never thought that your relationship would end. I mean, both of you frequently discussed marriage and building a family together. That dream slowly dwindled to dust as the two of you got older. Something about his work weighed heavily on him. He began bringing his work home with him, and as a result, he dumped it onto you. Suddenly, the couple who never fought over anything was now fighting every day.

The breakup was intense. You believed that you’d never get over him, and nearly three years later, that appeared to be true. Jungkook, however, moved on pretty quickly with one of his associates. The pair ended up moving to another city together, and it left you feeling hopeless. It felt as if your world had crumbled and that you’d never recover. Luckily, after the initial shock wore off, the fact that you wouldn’t have to worry about running into him helped you to find your footing once again. Slowly, you learned to let him go. No matter how much it hurt.

“Y/N?” A woman’s voice called out, causing you to look up from your phone. She smiled brightly as she motioned for you to come with her.

The woman led you to a room where she began performing the basic tests to prepare you for the doctor. She asked you all of the usual questions that made you want to roll your eyes. Giving you a bit of a side-eye when you told her that you weren’t sexually active, or that you barely drank, or that you didn’t use tobacco. The whole nine yards.

She stood up as she concluded the tests, before opening the door and hanging a clipboard on it.

“Dr.Jeon will be with you shortly.” She said in a cheery tone before stepping out, causing you to freeze.

Dr.Jeon? You thought. There’s absolutely no way. There’s got to be thousands of Dr.Jeons right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The anxiety that you were already feeling was now elevated. You thought about just leaving. Running out of the door and never looking back. You could always find a new doctors office to go to. Soon enough, your thoughts seized as the sound of the door opening caused you to look up nervously.

“Hi, Y/N.” The man’s voice greeted you.

In that moment, you wanted to break down and cry. He looked exactly the same as he did when he left you. His eyes were still bright. He still wore that beautiful smile that made you melt. He was still your Jungkook.

“H-hi.” You stuttered.

“It’s good to see you.” He smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in his tone that didn’t go unnoticed by you.

“Yeah, you too.” You sighed as you looked down at your hands, fidgeting with your fingers.

Much to your surprise, he didn’t immediately take a seat in front of the computer. Instead, he pulled up his chair so that he was sitting directly in front of you as you sat on the examination table.

“How’ve you been?” He asked, leaning down in an attempt to look you in the eyes.

In a matter of moments, everything began coming back. All the sadness and anger flooded within you and your eyes began burning with tears. You quickly wiped them away though. You didn’t want him to see you break. The desire to run was at an all time high, but you couldn’t. You felt cornered and although he wasn’t literally holding you hostage, you felt as if you were trapped.

“I’m fine, Jungkook.” You snapped as you looked up at him. “What are you even doing here?”

“I came back.” He sighed. “I made a big mistake. I should’ve never even left.”

“Well, you did. And you ran off with your associate without a second thought.”

“It wasn’t like that, Y/N.” He whispered.

“Then what was it, Jungkook? Do you have any idea how badly you hurt me?” Your voice cracked.

“I know, Y/N, and I am so sorry for everything. If I could take it all back, I would. Please, believe me.” He said as his own eyes appeared to be filling with tears.

“Why did you run away?” You questioned, voice barely above a whisper.

“Because I thought that I’d get over you sooner. I thought that if I forced myself to be with someone else, that I wouldn’t want to be with you anymore. I was wrong, Y/N. It just made me feel worse.” He admitted, tears now falling from his eyes.

You wanted to wipe his tears away and hold him. You wanted to tell him that everything was fine and that you forgave him, but it wasn’t fine and you couldn’t bring yourself to forgive him. No matter how much you tried not to be, you were still so angry with him.

“It might’ve made you feel worse, Jungkook, but think about how shitty and disposable you made me feel.” You told him.

“I know, baby.” He whispered as he gently embraced your hands within his own. Quickly correcting himself. “I mean, Y/N. I know and I’ll never forgive myself for that. If I could go back in time and fix everything, I would. I would give up everything if it meant that I could have you again.” He finished, squeezing your hands gently.

As you looked into his eyes, all of the anger and resentment you felt towards him began to fade. Sincerity was written all over his face and you knew how much this breakup had affected him too. You weren’t sure if you could even really blame him for how he attempted to move on. You needed isolation, whereas he needed company.

“I would never ask you to give up everything, Jungkook.” You sighed as your thumb rubbed circles on the back of his hand.

“I know you wouldn’t, but if that’s what it takes then so be it. Just give me a chance to make it right, Y/N. Let me prove to you that I can do better. I still love you. I never stopped.” He pleaded.

“I still love you too, Jungkook.” You began.

You felt as if you had a demon on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The demon telling you to cuss him out and leave him sitting in this room. The angel telling you to follow your heart and to give him another chance to make things right. Ultimately, the angel was winning.

“We can try again, but not where we left off. I want us to start from the beginning.” You told him. You’d changed so much since the breakup and you could only imagine that he had as well.

“I can work with that.” He smiled brightly, causing you to giggle at how happy he looked.

“Good. Now, let’s not forget that I came here for a checkup.” You laughed, suddenly remembering what brought you here in the first place.

“Right!” He quickly stood up and gathered himself.

He completed the rest of the examination. Refusing to let a nurse take over when you needed your blood drawn. He was going to take care of you, and no one else was going to get in the middle of that.

As the appointment came to an end, he helped you stand up from the table. Your arms resting on his shoulders as his hands kept a protective hold on your waist. You weren’t sure if it was appropriate, but you didn’t care. As his deep brown eyes stared down at you, the feeling became overwhelming. So, you gave into it. Slowly leaning up and connecting your lips with his own.

The kiss was brief, but it held all of the longing and regret that the two of you had felt over the last three years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After checking out, Jungkook insisted on walking to your car. The two of you agreed to go on your “first” date tonight. Giving you a chance to really get to know each other once again.

“So, I’ll see you later.” He smiled. His hands rested in the pockets of his white jacket as he shifted his weight from the front to the back of his heels. A nervous tick you’d caught onto throughout the years.

“See you later, Jungkook.” You said, quickly giving him another kiss before getting into your car.

He watched as you pulled away, waving at you until your car was no longer in sight. Things would never be exactly the same as they once had been between you two, but that didn’t matter anymore. What mattered is that you were trying again. Leaving the past in the past and focusing on the future as you built a new connection. One that was stronger and more secure. One that couldn’t be broken.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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wsknbfanaccnt · 6 months ago

Note

HIHI nashaka headcanons please!!!!

AAAAAAAAA I AM SO READY FOR THIS HOLY SHIT AKBSIZNWKNAJW

also this is just a crackship okay guys but I love them nevertheless

NashAka Headcanons

enemies to lvoers basically

they kinda hate each other okay, always have

but it just works

they started out after the jabberwock vs vorpal swords, Akashi visited America and coincidentally saw Nash

and idk they got to talking, mainly because Akashi's pissed about what happened still

nash u racîst mf

but they got to really talking and Nash starts to open up and Akashi realizes that he's kinda in a similar situation with Nash abt family n stuff

so they bond over trauma basically

and eventually they realize that they enjoy each others company and then BOOM they're dating

NO ONE knows

not the gom, not jabberwock, no one

they talk sometimes on phone and talk as if they're fighting, so the gom is a little confused on who akashis angry at all the time

(Kuroko has a little idea that akashis dating someone but thats it)

but really it's just their love language

and they're both VERY competitive

in everything Lord god

dont get me wrong tho, Akashi rarely loses nevertheless 😌

but as I said, they kinda have a love-hate relationship with each other even during them dating

like them together as a relationship I would think would bring out their "tough love" side iykwim

Akashi will 100% bring up the Jabberwock vs Vorpal Swords match in an argument

Nash always loses arguments as a result

"Remember when you were racîst and challenged us and thought you would do whatever you want and called us monkeys-"

"Okay I get it already holy fuck...! I'll wash the dishes tonight, ugh..."

no public affection

gets lovey dovey but only in private, Nash loves to spoil Akashi with cuddles and kisses

their relationship is not secret exactly but it's private definitely

like Nash will say that hes dating someone but won't say anything else

Akashi does the same, except sometimes he can't help himself but brag about his bf (without revealing who it is)

but basically no one knows cuz no one asks either

hc that Nash's parents are homophobic (though neglectful anyways) so he never mentions gender with them

Akashi helps him through with that

Akashi is the cook in the relationship btw lmfao

Masaomi has no idea

they talk to each other in English

(lets say Nash actually speaks fluently and without an accent)

Akashi has a little bit of an accent still and sometimes Nash teaches Akashi like slang and stuff

Akashi, in turn, teaches Nash Japanese

he knows basics but thats about it and hopes that eventually he'll be fluent

Tags (join my taglist!):

@souls-heart

@japeneselunchtimerush

#kuroko no basket #kurokosbasketball #kuroko's basketball #the basketball which kuroko plays #knb #kuroko’s basketball #kurokos basketball #akashi seijuro #kuroko no basketball #akashiseijuro #akashi seijurou #akashi seijirou #knb akashi #akashi seijuurou #seijuro akashi #nash gold jr #nashaka #knb headcanon

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uniquexusposts · 1 year ago

Text

Her || Charles

Main characters: Charles Leclerc x OC Genre: fanfiction, fluff Story type: novel Part: 16/45 Word count: 3815 Co writer: @mistrose23

Story summary: Matilde Jørgensen, the new Scuderia Ferrari team principal, faced the nerve-wracking challenge of reviving the team's fortunes and aiming for a championship. Leading a historic team as a 'newbie' and separating her work and personal opinions posed a significant challenge. The big question: is she capable to do so?

Previous chapter

Chapter 14. To Lead A Team

"Ugh," Matilde groaned when she got the sentence incorrect. Her eyes shot to the hearts in the top right corner of her phone; one heart left for six more exercises. She had days when the Duolingo lessons would go great, but there were more days when she was really struggling to pass one lesson. Italian was tough for her. She wanted to master it since she was one of the few people in the team who couldn't speak the language. Especially since she was the team principal. Plus, the main language to communicate in the team was Italian, so she really wanted to understand the language.

She sat in a meeting room, waiting for the team to arrive. They had a meeting about the upcoming race in Austria. If she was honest with herself, she didn't know what she could expect.

The ambience in the team had changed, once again. After Monaco, there was tension; team Charles and basically team Matilde for once. A few people agreed with Fernando Alonso during the post-race interview:

"But if your driver says that he is coming in, even when you tell him no, you still send the crew out just in case," Fernando said, defending Charles.

But most of the team, agreed with Max during the interview:

Max looked at him. "Yes, but if your team principal, not even your race engineer, but team principal, says not to pit and stay out multiple times, you stay out," he replied, defending Matilde. "If you still go in after being told no, what do you expect?"

It didn't help that Charles remained frustrated. The media picked it up during the following Grand Prix in Barcelona. Even though Matilde moved on and focussed on the next race, Charles kept showing that he felt hurt by the action. And not because it was a consequence of his own action, no, he still blamed Matilde for it. Charles showed it, and he sometimes even dared to spill a thought to the media and dodged and ignored questions about his team principal.

During the Spanish Grand Prix, Ferrari showed an almost perfect pace once again. Friday was a less perfect day, but it was the day to provide feedback and make the right adjustments. On Saturday, both the Ferrari drivers made it to Q3 during qualifying; Charles qualified as third and Carlos as second. Yet again, Max got pole.

On Sunday, during the race, Carlos had a perfect start and almost passed Max in turn one. Carlos gained time and kept following Max for a while before he passed Max and became the race leader. In the end, he won his home Grand Prix. Charles was pleased with Carlos' result, but he couldn't hide his jealousy. Charles finished third, which is a decent result, and he couldn't do more to get a better result. Despite the positive weekend, Charles threw a questioning quote in the media about Matilde and her leadership:

"Look," Charles said in the post-race interview, his frustration clear in his voice. "We had a clear opportunity to win in Monaco, and it was thrown away. I could get more out of this race, but I wasn't allowed to. I can't help but think that sometimes decisions from the top don't align with what's best for the team on the track."

Matilde had an interview herself after the race, praising the work of Carlos and of Charles; they both did everything they could do during the race and she was proud of them. She saw the fragment of Charles when she was back at the hotel and she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had supported Charles throughout the ups and downs, and now he was publicly questioning her leadership. It stung, especially since she knew her decision in Monaco had been the correct one, and she knew the team couldn't do more for Charles during the race in Barcelona.

Back at the office, a few days after the race, the team began with fresh motivation, working on the set-up for the next Grand Prix: Canada. Everything went smoothly, the Grand Prix went well for Ferrari; P2 for Charles and P3 for Carlos. Everyone did their tasks during the weekend, but certainly not more.

It made Matilde think. Was she good enough to be a team principal? She had a driver who openly spoke about how he thinks about her, a part of the team was picking the drivers side and the board kept complaining about the way Matilde approaches things. Matilde took a deep breath, closed her Duolingo app, and prepared for the meeting that lay ahead.

The invited people of the meeting entered the room. The drivers, with their race engineers, entered the meeting as the last ones. Laurent Mekies, the race director, opened the meeting with a presentation about the team's progress, accomplishments and long-term goals. He discussed the data from their drivers' sim sessions and compared it with the data from other teams. Austria was coming up, an important race since it was a strong track for both Ferrari and Red Bull. During that Grand Prix, either could win.

Someone asked a question about the team's budget allocation, a critical issue that could determine the extent of their success. Mekies looked at Matilde, passing the question to her. She explained the rationale behind the budget distribution, the sources and expenses.

But Charles seized the opportunity to launch his attack. "With all due respect, Jørgensen," he began, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I've been wondering about this budget distribution. It seems to me that you're playing it safe, just like on the track. We need to take risks to win, not settle for mediocrity."

Matilde felt her heart skip a beat, she didn't expect this attack. And the way he called her out by her last name... Her lips parted and her eyebrows slightly raised, she was lost for words. "Charles, I appreciate your input, but we have a well thought-out strategy. It's based on careful analysis and ensures the team's long-term stability." She showed a smile. "I can send you the files, if you prefer to read it on paper."

He chuckled. "Stability? We don't need stability, we need victories. We need to be aggressive, go for it. We can't wait. If we wait, the opportunity has passed us."

"I agree, however, we cannot just go for it when the time isn't right," she shot back with fire. "Once again, I respect your passion for winning, but the decisions we made are not based on impulsiveness, they're grounded in data and experience. I trust the expertise of the team."

"Well," he said, leaning forward against the table as if he were about to deliver a killer blow. "It seems you're more of a manager than a leader. A real leader would listen to the voice of the driver who put his life on the line every race."

The room fell silent. The team exchanged nervous glances, unsure of how she would respond to Charles' provocation.

Finally, she spoke, her voice tinged with steel. "A real leader knows when to trust the experts and when to rely on data, not just emotions. Our decisions are calculated for the team's success, which you are also part of, and not to satisfy one individual's ego."

"Why are you taking everything personally?"

"I would like further elaboration," Matilde replied, folding her hands together, straightening her back.

Charles raised his eyebrows and looked at Carlos, blinked and looked back at Matilde. He noticed how involved Carlos' family was during the Spanish Grand Prix and how Matilde reacted to it. As a result: she got invited to a dinner with the Sainz'. Charles saw the Instagram post, apparently it was a home cooked dinner - Charles knew if Carlos invited you over for a home cooked dinner, something was going on.

"Are you referring to the dinner I attended with the Sainz family? It was in recognition of the work during the Spanish Grand Prix and as a gesture of their appreciation due to their courteous nature," Matilde replied to his facial expression and collected some files that were laying in front of her, she liked to sort them and put them neatly back on a stack.

For once, Charles seemed caught off guard. People in the room shared glances; from satisfied to impressed. Charles' expression shifted from arrogance to frustration.

"If someone has to say anything, please do. I rather want to hear it now and prevent rumours, than afterwards when I can't change a thing. I value open communication within our team, but it must be done internally and constructively. We are in this together, not alone, and it is our goal to win together." Matilde shared a look with Charles, who leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, his eyes locked on her as if she were a target. Matilde didn't react to his look, but internally, she was tearing apart.

As the meeting continued, Matilde was focussed on her colleagues. She kept her cool, focussing on the facts and logic that underpinned her decisions. She also wrote some notes down for her therapist she was seeing after the meeting. She knew that being the leader of a F1 team came with immense pressure, and she had her ways of coping with it. One of those ways was speaking to a therapist to manage the stress and maintain her focus.

After the meeting came to an end, Matilde stayed in the meeting room. She booked it for some privacy, sitting in her fishbowl office was too confronting for herself and for others to see her talk to her therapist. The session was online, since her therapist lives in Denmark. She preferred to have a Danish therapist, it is easier than having a therapist in a country she didn't even speak the language of - and even though she was almost fluently in English, she still preferred to talk about herself in her mother language.

Matilde glanced at her watch, she still had ten minutes left. She decided to go to the cafeteria to grab some fruits and a snack. While she was at the cafeteria, she thought about the moment she knew she needed to see a therapist.

It actually started after Miami, after the incident, when she sat on the plane to Copenhagen with Kevin. After their conversation, Kevin messaged Lars, saying he was worried about Matilde's well-being, but that it was not up to him to say something about it. He thought it was more comfortable for Matilde to hear it from her brother than a fellow Dane who she knew, but who also happened to be friends with her brother. So when Matilde arrived at her mother's house to celebrate her mother's birthday, Lars took Matilde outside for a talk, since he also was concerned about her well-being.

"Mati, are you seeing a therapist?" Lars carefully mentioned.

They sat down on a bench next to the pond in the backyard of their mother's house.

"Why?" Matilde frowned.

He shrugged. "I think it would do you well to talk to someone," he said and looked at his younger sister; she was looking in front of her, clenching her jaw. "I have seen the tweets about the restaurant. And I know you well enough to know that you would have spent the evening with your team instead of Red Bull if there was nothing going on."

Tears filled her eyes and she sniffed. "I know," she whispered and she told him about what happened. "I'm on the waiting list, I'm working on it, but I can't make the procedure go any faster," she finished her story.

"Ferrari has therapists, right? Why are you on a waiting list at Ferrari? You are basically the most important person at Ferrari."

"I'm sure there are therapists at Ferrari, but I don't want a therapist at Ferrari, not within the team or someone who has connections to the team - even if it is externally. I called at the beginning of this season, Christian recommended it. I'm still not through it, as you see," she shrugged and dried her eyes.

Lars nodded and he hugged her. "Fair. But who did you call to still be on the waiting list after three months?"

"Alma."

"Alma? Alma, who helped us through the divorce of mum and dad?"

Matilde nodded into his chest. "I thought it would be familiar to call her. She helped us through the divorce, even though I am still convinced that the divorce did not have that much effect on us. Anyway, I want to talk about my troubles in Danish, not English or cracky Italian."

Lars nodded. "Understandable. And you know, the divorce had an effect on us, but we haven't noticed it. Alma helped us through it. Those people can see what it does to someone, and even when it does nothing." He grabbed his phone. "Is it for work or personal?"

"Work," she mumbled. "What are you doing?"

Her brother raised his phone to his ear and ignored the question. A polite smile came on his face. "Hello, this is Galileo, Matilde Jørgensen's assistant. Yes, hello."

Matilde straightened her face and she slapped him on his arm.

He pushed her away and raised his finger to silence her. "I'm calling to ask for an update on the waiting list." He listened. "Yes, I am fully aware that this is confidential, but it is urgent." He nodded. "I know, but we have to plan the sessions. Do you know who she is? She is the team principal of Scuderia Ferrari in Formula 1. I don't know if you know Ferrari, but it is a circus and she desperately needs someone to talk to because it's causing mental health problems." He was silent again. "Matilde instructed for work only, but it will be a better plan to do work and personal. Yes. I will give you to her. Thank you. Yes. Have a nice day." Lars gave his phone to his sister. "Make your appointments ASAP," he said.

And since Miami, she didn't see just one therapist, but two therapists; one for work and one for her personal state. Every three weeks she would see Alma to talk about her personal life, and every week she would see Otto to talk about her work. And she had to admit, she was glad her brother pushed through. She couldn't imagine how it would be if still didn't have someone to talk to. It was a sense of relief and she had the feeling she could continue her adventure more easily, the balance came back in her life.

Today she had to see Alma, and it was the perfect timing, almost like it was planned this way. After a visit at the cafeteria, Matilde came back with hot tea, an orange and a nut bar. She took a deep breath and entered the scheduled Teams call.

When Alma popped up on her screen, she felt a sense of comfort over her.

"God eftermiddag, Matilde," Alma greeted Matilde with a kind smile.

A smile came on Matilde's face. "Hej."

"Hvordan har du det?" Alma asked, curious to know how her client was doing.

Matilde leaned back in her chair and took a sip of her tea. "I'm fine," she replied and nodded. "It's been a busy week, a busy couple of weeks, actually."

"How do you feel about having a second session? What were your thoughts after the first session?"

"It's much needed," Matilde replied. "I feel like it helped, even though it was just the first time."

"Can you describe your feelings about it?"

Matilde looked away, she looked at the wall next to her. "A sense of relief, I think. Uhm..." She looked back at the laptop screen. "I'm aware of the job I have, but it also requires a lot of effort and energy, and it feels good to talk about it, to find ways to manage everything. Uhm... Also to explore my personal challenges, I guess."

The therapist wrote something down and nodded once again. "That is good to hear. From what I can remember from when you were younger, a young girl, you also had a sense of realism and soberness. I can hear it in your way of thinking now as well," she warmly smiled. "But how have you been feeling lately?"

They talked about Matilde's personal life, discussing her family, friends, other relationships, her emotions in work and the different emotions that had surfaced in the past three weeks. Alma listened and provided guidance and support, helping Matilde navigate her feelings and come to a deepening understanding of herself.

"I know you talk with Otto about your work," Alma began. "But what are your feelings towards your position now? Last time you mentioned you were still figuring out what your thoughts are on your position. What are your thoughts today?"

Matilde played with the red wristband and twirled it around her wrist. "There are days where I feel like I am on the top of my game," she mentioned, her voice wavering slightly as she struggled to find the right words. "But sometimes I'm thinking about quitting."

"Why?"

Tears welled up in Matilde's eyes, and she blinked them back, her emotions getting the better of her. Alma was a safe space, but Matilde was still at the office. She was afraid someone would walk in and see her cry, a sign of weakness. But in this moment of vulnerability, she felt a flood of pent-up emotions rushing to the surface. "I want to be the best team principal I can be to the team," she continued, her voice quivering with emotion.

"You say 'the' team, why not 'my' team?" Alma observed.

"It isn't my team, it doesn't feel like my team," Matilde whispered and looked away from the laptop. She sniffed. "I joined an existing team, I became part of the team, but it doesn't feel like my team." It was silent, Alma gave Matilde time to think. "I sometimes just wonder if I'm cut out for this role."

Alma nodded, her warm and understanding presence a source of comfort. "It's completely natural to have doubts and moments of vulnerability, Matilde. Your role is incredibly demanding, and it's okay to acknowledge the pressure you're under."

Matilde wiped away a tear that had escaped, her emotions now more visible than ever. "I just don't want to let anyone down," she confessed. "I don't know if I can do it. I feel like I am flogging a dead horse." She looked at Alma again. "Quite literally and figurally." Matilde dried her eyes. "I have to lead a team who didn't welcome me at first, I have people who work against me and I feel like they would rather have me fired yesterday than today. But I have a deal, it's also my contract, but I have a deal with myself: if it doesn't work by the end of the season, I will quit and just... I don't know, go away from F1."

Alma nodded once again. "Why do you want to do this? Why don't quit today?" she scanned Matilde's face. "I don't want you to quit, but what if you have the option to quit today without any problem. Why don't you quit?"

"Because I want to win."

"You can also win at your previous job you loved. Or you can win life by doing something you love to do. So why Ferrari?"

"I want to make them win, because I thought I could take the challenge. I've seen three people fail, if I can call it like that, and I was convinced I could do it," Matilde said. She snorted and shook her head. "I am such a clown for even trying to think about it."

"Let's start on the clown part, Matilde. You are not a clown for trying; you're courageous for pursuing your passion to a further level. But there is a part of you that wants it and knows that you can do it. Why do you think that? Why do you want to do this?"

Matilde took a deep, shuddering breath, her emotions still raw and exposed. The tears in her eyes kept flowing over her cheeks, she couldn't help it. "To show everyone that I can do it."

"Do what?"

Matilde looked down and the tears rolled over her cheeks. "This." She paused, her voice trembling with the weight of those expectations. "Leading a team, make it a winning team."

"Why?"

"Because I was told I wouldn't make it in life when I was younger." She blinked, making her vision clear.

"Like?"

"I wasn't smart, but I also wasn't dumb," she mumbled. "I didn't fit anywhere. And when I found something I liked, teacher's advised me to not even start with it." She wiped away the tears from her cheeks. "And when I finally did something I liked, something I found my passion in, I was told that I could not find or get a job in motorsport. And when I got a job in motorsport, I was told that I wouldn't succeed and that I wouldn't last longer than a year. And when I got this job, I was told that I would fail. A woman wasn't supposed to lead a Formula 1 team, especially a top team like Ferrari. I want to show everyone that I can lead Ferrari to a victory, to winning a world championship, that I can succeed in a world that has been dominated by men for so long. I believe in this team, I believe in Charles and Carlos-"

The door of the meeting room flew open. Charles stepped into the room, not expecting anyone. A light shock went through his body when he noticed someone sitting at the head of the table; his team principal was still sitting at the same spot as an hour ago. His face fell when he saw Matilde crying, quickly wiping away the tears and clearing her throat. "Oh, eh, sorry," he mumbled. His eyes scanned the table, where he found his pass. "I didn't know you were here. I forgot my pass," he said and pointed at his pass.

"You can grab it," Matilde neutrally said.

Charles hesitated momentarily, seemingly unsure whether he should get it or leave and pick it up later, since she was upset and he interrupted her. The atmosphere in the room felt tense and awkward. After a brief internal struggle, he decided to get his pass. He heard Matilde say something in an unfamiliar language to her laptop, Charles didn't recognise the language, but it had to be Danish. Someone talked back to her, she was in an online meeting or something. "Thanks," he mumbled, grabbing the pass from the table and making a swift exit from the room. The door closed behind him, and he walked back to the engineer's area.

"Found it?" Xavi asked, grabbing his stuff.

Charles nodded and showed his pass. "Ready to go."

Next chapter

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