#both bc of her guilt but bc she seemingly has no friends who are also her equals

[welcometogrouchland]

Also what if I said the show taking time to show that Luz and Hunter aren't unhealthily dependent on one another post time skip the way they were in thanks to them (but still close seen in Luz's patches on her clothes or Hunter taking time off work to go to Luz's bday) actually plays in to the cycle of sibling betrayal motif w/ the Clawthornes and Wittebanes????

[marshmallow-biscuit-blog]

I know it's been a while since you mentioned it but what is 'NIGHTS'?

Just an older SEGA game where you play in a world of dreams as a reformed nightmare that uses pieces of children's metaphorical hearts to kill the God of Nightmares. The kids have anxieties and insecurities of things in their real lives that trickle into their dreams and what you can infer (as the game kinda just throws you in besides the opening for each kids anxiety.) from the first game is NiGHTS explains if the kids free them from their ideya (heart piece) prison with the one ideya they have left, courage, that they'll help destroy the things that hold the kid's other ideya, if NiGHTS can also use them to get rid of Wizeman, Lord of Nightmares.

As stated, the game (both) focuses on insecurities and anxiety. Claris from the first one is terrified of a singing audition for the 100th anniversary of her town, afraid her judges will laugh at her. Once she let's the fear get to her in her dreams, the judges reveal themselves at nightmares and chase her into a lucid dream.

For Elliot, he has a bully who constantly tries to steal the show from him during basketball practice. It lowers his self esteem, leaving him vulnerable.

Journey of Dreams isn't as great as Into Dreams, but many such as myself still enjoyed it, especially lore and story wise. This one had actual voice acting (bad btw) and plot set up, but in more of a spoonfed way rather than the "figure it out" way the og did, like many other older games.

Helen in the 2nd game has major guilt for not practicing her violin for the concert with her mother coming up soon, and instead hanging out with her friends. Her nightmare is portrayed as a reflection of her mother screaming at her in the glass.

Will has more of an emotional decline because his father is constantly absent from his life, seemingly on business related trips. His anxiety comes from wondering if he'll even be there at his big soccer (football) game.

Also yes, indeed nonbinary and gender fluid rep in 1996.

I was super into it 2019-early 2022.

Wanted to share the intro to the 2nd game too bc it's pretty

[impossible-rat-babies]

under the cut bc this is just. paragraphs of eyrie and lyse’s friendship stuff

the conflict between eyrie and lyse is just. kinda tragic? it’s the inevitable of two people changing, and the conflict of realizing that change and longing for when it wasn’t like that. how change isn’t always upwards and for the good. it’s the disillusionment of lyse in her admiration for eyrie—that they are a hero and yet they can still do terrible things, as humans are wont to do. they lied to her. committed acts of violence and murder. have been callous and rude. they are nothing if not terribly flawed.

it’s eyrie’s pain of realizing how they have changed, and not for the good. they cannot deny what is in the mirror when lyse is shoving it in their face, asking them why it is different than she remembers. Were they always this bad? what made them like this? the difference between being aware of your own flaws v. showing others those flaws. the vulnerability and exposure. how shameful it would be to admit the cruelty of their life to her, and how they are not a good person. (good as in worthy of her admiration, respect and friendship.)

stormblood changed lyse for the better despite the hardships. she suffered and learned and grew—she saved her homeland, and is a leader that will continue to grow over time as her nation rebuilds from the ravages of war. how they will, in time, pave a new path and hopefully make themselves into a nation many people can be proud to call their own. much of lyse parallels that. (also additionally how she will learn about the culture of her father as the nation discovers and redefines that culture for themselves in the wake of 25 years of garlean occupation.)

She did well by the memory of paplymo.

she isn’t the same person who eyrie met in gridania. no longer is she the ditzy young woman stuck in the shadows of her sister and the scions. she gets to decide who she is going to be. And eyrie has been along with her for so much of that. As tentative as their friendship was in ARR, they still were friends. even if eyrie kept their heart and feelings close to their chest, she still saw how soft, warm and intelligent they were beneath all of that because that’s how they were with papalymo. she watched them grow from a simple adventurer to this grand hero. And a lot of that came with the expectations of being a hero and the static nature of that. A bit of their humanity left behind in favor of The Image of a Hero. how could they be different? they’ve always been this way—a soft, respectable, kind and selfless.

but stormblood was a lot. much of it for eyrie was spent in the volley between the numbness and rawness of grief for both haurchefant and ysayle—the horrors they had seen during the war. the loss of papalymo, most especially. they never stopped bleeding from that. the simmering rage and frustration at the injustice of death. thordan looking at them and asking not who they were, but what they are. zenos gets under their skin—pokes and prods at these monstrous feelings. how they are a hero, but how much that has separated them from being human. they are distinct—divorced from their humanity by the seemingly impossibility of the actions and fortitude. raised so high up as to become an impossible ideal. Trapped behind that reputation. they live in a gilded cage of a reputation.

twenty five years sees a baby grown into a man, but for eyrie who has lived the lifetime of a man already, it’s the not so distant past. they remember being there when Ala mhigo burned—the terrible things they did and saw when the garleans conquered it. they are not scars, but festering wounds to these people. they see this and none of them know their hand in that this is their reality. even as nothing but a common foot soldier, they still hold that shame and guilt close to their chest for their actions. they did these things and yet they would be asked to save this country. it’s ironic to a laughable degree—enough to make them scream.

they feel like a monster, and if zenos does understand that, maybe there is some justice to be found in indulging him. letting themself go to be the monster zenos craves so they can be the “right and good and just” person for killing him. a wolf in sheep’s clothing, devouring the other wolf. they get to be the right person, and hope to god the parts of them that are the same as him die with him.

but Zenos dies—by his own hand. Denied catharsis, they are left alone—the last monster standing. The last rat in the cage, blood soaked with corpses and all around. A monster by virtue of killing the rest—the horror above all the other horrors. the one left to suffer alone with the thoughts he put into their head. they should feel right—they did a good thing fighting zenos and his death, but they just feel Alone. this just builds and builds as they try to look for a way to take their mind away from it. put the choices in someone else’s hands—have someone else decide how and what they are going to do. it worked well enough in ARR to keep them safe. it should work now. If they can take all the power of deciding to be that hero away—put the choice in the public and the scions—then they’ll be safe. they aren’t responsible for their actions.

it’s that sort of line of thinking that has them kill the qalyana woman in the throne room before she can summon lakshmi. the scions combat the threat of primals, and they are the champion of the scions. they were doing their duty. it doesn’t matter that she was a person with her own hopes and dreams for the future—even tempered, it was still there.

It’s eyrie’s cold detachment towards killing the woman that truly bothers lyse. She is no stranger to the reality of what happens to the tempered, but it’s never not uncomfortable. but to her eyrie is just….stone faced. appearing as if there is no regret or remorse to their actions, or even a thought to it. because there was no thought. they didn’t think—they did as they had been taught and believed to be the right thing from all their previous experience. they just took out a step by killing her before the summoning could happen. it saved lives, didn’t it?

and their fight about it really boils down to all of that. This simmering change into something utterly unrecognizable and is no longer salvageable. they are too different now—far too changed and in opposing ways.

[purrincess-chat]

Can we just talk about the Adrinette angst this season though? Because while I am living for Adrien realizing his feelings for Marinette, I am also dying inside.

Adrien loves Marinette because he perceives that she is a good friend that listens to him and offers him support and tries to cheer him up when his hellstorm of a home life gets him down. She is someone he trusts and actively seeks when he needs someone to talk to about his depression and worries and fears and desires. Name another time in canon when something with his home life was bothering him, and he immediately told someone exactly what was going on and how it was making him feel? That moment in Passion where he bumps into Marinette and immediately tells her he's feeling down and why is huge for someone who otherwise just buried his feelings before and didn't talk about them to anyone except his kwami that no one else knows about and who isn't equipped to help him with human stuff. Adrien's relationship with Marinette means so much to him, and he thinks so highly of her, is so comfortable with her, and cares for her so deeply.

And that's why Marinette forcing herself to abandon her feelings and run away from him is so fucking heartbreaking.

Adrien's home life is so shit, even when he perceives it to be getting better, we know what the adults in his life are up to. He knows the people he loves are mysteriously sick and probably dying. He's been emotionally neglected and abused, psychologically controlled, isolated, lied to, used. And now he finally has a person that he feels like he's safe with, someone he can let his guard down with and confide in, and she's running away from him for seemingly no reason in his eyes??

And before anyone types up some paragraph, this is not salt directed at Marinette. Anyone who has followed me for any length of time knows I would never, so go ahead and hit that backspace because we the audience know why she is doing what she's doing. Marinette has her own share of trauma and guilt that she shouldn't have ever had to deal with. It's also not her job to coddle Adrien, so go ahead and shut the fuck up. I get it. But from a narrative perspective, the angst is just so perfectly heartbreaking, and I just want to hug them both because they love each other but are just dealing with so much shit outside of their control right now that it's impossible for them to be together. I'm really curious for the kwamis choice episodes bc we get to explore what would happen if they suddenly didn't have the weight of the world coming between them, and I'm screaming, crying, throwing up at the fluff possibilities but also knowing it will inevitably end bc they will have to go back to their responsibilities after having a taste of what could be, and I know it's going to destroy me emotionally. 😥😥💔

Anyway, these kids will be the death of me, and I am living for the day that they finally know each other's identities and kiss each other on the mouth knowing that information and knowing that they've been there by each other's side the whole time and how deeply they both love each other. This season is gonna fuck me up, and I'm going to say thank you. Anyway, that's all I just have a lot of feelings about them rn.

[raayllum]

not sure where i’m going with this yet but bc it’s something i’ve seen in a few fandoms (largely star wars, voltron, atla, and a couple of others) but i’ve recently realized is also - slightly?? - relevant for tdp

you ever see shit when people take something one ship canonically has and then just copy and pastes it onto the ‘rival’ ship they prefer, with no mind to any of the characters’ canon personalities or backstories?

this was most common in the voltron fandom with debates over which character, keith or lance, should get to be the black paladin (leader) of the group, ignoring that shiro was already the canonical and clear leader. other aspects that often got handed to those two despite shiro (or other characters) actually having set up or these components in their backstories: being taken prisoner for angst, having a cool robot arm, having major survivor’s guilt or self sacrificial tendencies, etc.

for star wars, it’s the way the canon source material took finn/rey’s dynamic from the first movie and then pasted it over kylo/rey’s dynamic in the last movie in particular: running to rey, who has fallen, and cradling her in their arms, even though in the first film, finn did so because kylo had slammed her into a tree so hard she went unconscious, amid other copy-and-pastes. 

i could get into how, for many years, the zu.tara fandom assigned zuko either traits he doesn’t have to make him more desirable or just flat out took things aang has/offers, while ignoring the ways aang relates to katara in ways zuko never could (i.e. being mutual survivors of genocide, both waterbenders, a desire to travel the world, etc. etc). 

and i’m not saying this is widespread thing in TDP. it’s not, hence why it took almost four years to notice, but i do think the areas i’ve noticed it’s in is interesting, hence why i’m sharing it. that said: feel free to ignore everything i say in the section below & it is not meant to be a generalization

that all being said

tdp femslash ships — basically janaya & raydia — have a Weird tendency to borrow a lot from rayla/callum as a couple without the JA or RCl shippers tending to... seemingly realize?

for example: i have seen people say they would prefer raydia (or sorayla) to rayllum bc it’d be “enemies to lovers,” as though rayla and callum weren’t / isn’t. and while rayllum is still very much friends to lovers more than those ships would likely be, they did start out as enemies. it’s a core consideration of how amazing it is that they became friends so quickly. 

another example would the one raydia oneshot i read where claudia - for some reason - had to save rayla from a very aggressive corvus. despite being vaguely ooc (and honestly kinda falling back on racist stereotypes, bc s1 ensures that corvus isn’t an ‘aggressive black man’ by any means) it’s like. if you wanted a human mage helping to save rayla from a dangerous threat, uh...

got bad news about what side claudia has been & realistically will be on. 

or even - bc i don’t read that much fic, even for rayllum - the few times i’ve read janaya oneshots i couldn’t quite relate. too often i felt like they would lean heavily on janai 1) caring too much for amaya too quickly or 2) have HCs of janai not really having any friends. nothing in canon points this way (if anything it leans towards the opposite of her having Good camaraderie with her soldiers and her bio has said she’d rather be a general > than a princess exalted above people, hence the path she chose until s3 came long). 

but canon does have hints that rayla, possibly, didn’t have a lot of friends before the boys

i’m not saying for sure that rayla was a lonely, largely friendless kid growing up - “bloodmoon huntress” could prove me wrong and i’d love to learn otherwise, even if i also love my current headcanons that she was. but the point still stands that canon at least gives me a reason to read into it as a headcanon rather than trying to force a ship that, thus far, has mostly indicated the opposite to be truth, of a square peg into a round hole.

and rayla also starts caring for her human love interest who saved her “too much” in her own canonical words

i have also seen people read rayla’s willingness to self sacrifice and some of her other traits onto janai, despite the fact that while they have similarities, janai and rayla are exceedingly different characters at their core. and, furthermore, if either half of janai/amaya was going to have super strong self sacrificial tendencies, it’d amaya - and i think amaya gets ignored bc she has her nephews to live for, in many ways, and we know she’s had close friends like gren and corvus. it’s easier to give janai a lonely backstory that’s a clean slate than to write her as having had a full life before amaya showed up in many ways, including her family and her troops

and although i don’t talk about it often, i also haven’t made it a secret that the dark magic stan (aka dark magic is Good viren is just misunderstood) and the JA corners of the fandom are the ones that i have the most ‘issues’ with.

the weird thing to me is that on the one hand, i get the rayllum-janaya comparisons. i’ve even made them myself! JA’s relationship development follows very similar steps to rayllum’s, just with less time and less varied emotional weight (by that i mean, rayla and callum have been through multiple losses and hard events together, including grief, whereas ja have only been through a couple. additionally, RC has everything that JA offers, emotionally, but JA doesn’t offer anything that RC doesn’t, emotionally, in terms of thematic explorations, events they’ve been through, etc). 

for example, yes janai and amaya’s displays of trust (janai trusting her in regards to viren, amaya trusting janai with the light) are big. but rayla and callum were having those, with rayla and callum saving each other’s lives (1x05) and callum trusting rayla with ezran and over claudia (1x03, 1x06), too. 

but the weird thing is that JA shippers have a tendency to be hard on rayllum. call it rushed or boring or that they get dumb, redundant arcs... and then turn right around and try to apply those exact same arcs to JA despite the fact canon thus far hasn’t supported those parallels.

i also see this play out sometimes with harrai, who once again, have a Lot of rayllum parallels all over the place in some pretty prominent ways

this is a very long winded way of saying that ship comparisons are normal and natural, but i don’t get disliking the development of one ship that is more in depth thematically and in terms of screentime, only to try to copy and past that development to your - technically, comparatively - more ‘shallow’ preferred ship. i just don’t

basically: tdp is a very well written show that purposefully parallels these relationships and if you don’t understand how they all contribute to the core themes in meaningful ways you just... have bad media literacy, bub

[indiemovies]

(in response) EXACTLY

canon nancy has been... through so much people-wise. apart from her blood family, nancy's had no one-on-one relationships survive, or end all that well

steve's out of high school, and it's pretty evident they don't spend much, if any at all, time together. jonathan's been in cali for a year, and the both of them are definitely aware things are sliding downhill. barb- well. barb and fred are pretty self explanatory. but the point is, ever since she lost barb, she hasn't really figured out how to be much of (and i mean this in the nicest way) a functioning member of human society

and honestly, it's not exactly clear if barb's death was the proper catalyst for this. because even before, nancy was struggling to maintain a balance between keeping her best friend + their relationship the same, and trying to date king steve. barb was absolutely right, nancy was acting Off and doing things that weren't true to herself

but after losing barb, nancy was. quick to spiral into place of depression and guilt and trying to deal with trauma while keeping her head above water and holding up appearances as virtually everyone around her, even those who were involved, seemingly moved on with their lives. idk what it was about nancy and barb, whether nancy loved barb or vice versa, or none of the above, but it seemed like that was her one true friendship. the only other times we see her hinting at having other friends is when she gets an invite handed to her at the door by tina, and when she tells her mom she's sleeping over at ally's or stacy's (though later we see karen. saying the wrong name which clearly implies that nancy doesn't talk much to her parents about said friends, because karen can keep track of mike's friends fairly well imo)

and exactly as you said !!!! fred's death dragged all of her insecurities and past traumas back up and into the open, and while she's trying to (once again) wrap all her interpersonal troubles up with duct tape and shove them in little boxes in her brain to deal with the more physical, earth-threatening issues at hand, robin hurricanes into her peripheral. so nancy starts to let robin in bit by bit, etc etc, and then. the finale. and of course nancy's gotta be the one (wo)manning the plan, because if she can do anything to make sure her loved ones aren't ripped away from her by this bastard, she will. except, the plan sorta goes to shit, through no fault of her own, and-

gOOD GOD WHEN WILL THE WRITERS PLEASE ADDRESS NANCY'S ONGOING TRAUMA WITH HER LOVED ONES !! because it seems like a good portion of the fandom writers are occupied kissing steve's ass (or having eddie kiss said ass) and yknow. there's nothing wrong with that ship, or having favorites who aren't nancy. but just... there's so much to explore and delve into, even if she's not always the easiest-to-love character. god this is so long and rambly i apologize

in conclusion, i love nancy wheeler, and i love her more for her flaws and the fact that she, badass who wields guns and kills monsters, hasn't quite figured out the living-a-normal-life part, especially when you try to throw her own emotions into the mix

SCREAMINGGGGG......THIS ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!! never apologize for sending a long nancy message to me bc it is truly the greatest gift anyone can bestow upon me and you are enabling to reciprocate by talking about nancy for a long time as well

ok um YES i agree with everything you said especially about stuff starting even before barb's death. i hate barb discourse (though i understand how the overhyping can lead to retroactive hatred) i just think the dismissal of either barb or nancy as a bad friend is just the most boring and lame way you can approach that dynamic. i love nancy going through normal teen girl struggles of wanting to be different but also wanting to fit in. and her relationship with barb being such a necessary element in this conflict. AND PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND THEY WERE LITERALLY CHILDHOOD GIRL BEST FRIENDS who were maybe intense and maybe had feelings for each other they could never quite understand. and that intensity can lead to things like jealousy/possessiveness/resistance to change. so maybe they were both bad friends or neither of them were but that doesn't even matter bc they were each other's best friend.

and i think post s1 nancy struggled so much trying to be a normal teen girl again. everything she longed for at the start of the show seems so frivolous to her now that she's experienced a loss that has shaken her. that's in part why her relationship with steve didnt work, it wasnt bc she associates his pool/their first time with barb's death (or at least it wasn't just that) it's that barb's death forced her to grow up and shattered the illusion of normalcy and complacency for her. she's like what did i use to want and why did i ever want that. and ever since mid-s2 then she's been gogogo, not stopping bc she knows the second she does 1)she has to face her own thoughts and feelings and 2) she feels like she has to protect people through her proactiveness, whether that's her loved ones or some innocent civilian being victimized by authority/government without accountability (does this make sense. she is a true for the people journalist imo) and so she can't stop.

but i really hope in the final season she can get a moment where she CAN stop. where someone makes her. sits her down and talks to her and tells her she doesn't have to responsible for everyone and every bad thing in the world. and i hope that person is EITHER robin or mike.

also i agree with you on that last point lol obviously anyone can like whoever they like (as long as it's not b*lly) and i like steve and eddie!!! but i feel like all of their scenes, characterizations, and possible backgrounds have been analyzed and talked about to hell and back. meanwhile nancy has not slept in 52 hours and is mean to people to keep them out so if she loses them it won't hurt as bad (but she still tries so desperately to save them) and acts more like an alert aggressive guard dog for her family rather than a daughter/sister atp and her face lights up when she finds her old stuffed animal and. no one is talking about it but she is literally THE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME. it's so annoying when people are like "i hate this character for [intentional character flaw/mistake that is literally what makes them so interesting]" GROW UP!!!

also it is going to be hilarious and sad when she shows up to emerson as this battle-hardened serious journalist freshman and she cant help but resent her roommate bc the worst thing that ever happened to her was her parents divorcing. nancy cannot be a functioning member of society at this point!!! and this leads perfectly into my "nancy gets laid off from a newspaper at age 27 and opens a supernatural detective agency" vision

[bonesandthebees]

okay I'm still seeing some discourse about c!niki and c!wilbur's conflict, and I wanna get my thoughts out there

/rp

so let me first say, I love the memes calling niki a girlboss or saying she deserves to punch wilbur. I think they're hilarious and I love the mental image of niki smacking the shit out of wilbur. but that's just memeing. in all seriousness, they just need to fucking talk

niki is dealing with a lot right now. she had finally managed to get on a good path to healing, found herself a new group of friends in the syndicate who loved her and she felt she could rely on. she managed to move past the blame she had shoved onto tommy in wilbur's absence (which I talked about in this post a little while ago), and recognize that what she was doing wasn't going to help her in any meaningful way. but then, at techno's birthday, with the people she feels safest with, she finds out that the source of all her pain and anger has come back. and it wasn't even from wilbur himself.

healing is not linear, and niki's arc is showing this beautifully. right as you start improving, something can happen to make you feel like you've fallen off the edge again, and that you have to start from zero. all of niki's resentment for wilbur has come right back, and now she has an extra level of anger underneath it all because she feels as though all the progress she's made has been undone. all the hard work she put into healing herself is seemingly gone with just one little piece of news, because her pain is back and brighter than ever.

more than anything, niki needs closure from wilbur. she never got a chance to ask him why he blew up l'manberg, why he changed so much in pogtopia. in her eyes, he got kicked out of manberg, never came back to rescue her, and by the time he showed up again he wa a completely different person who blew up the country he built. she never saw his spiral, and doesn't understand why he did the things he did.

the two of them need to sit down and talk, and wilbur needs to give her the answers she's been so desperately seeking ever since he died

and to shift a bit of focus, wilbur needs this talk too. up until this point, wilbur has only really interacted with people who either can't/won't get through to him, or who weren't hurt by him in severe ways. tommy has tried to explain how badly wilbur hurt him, but tommy is someone who can never get through to wilbur because wilbur doesn't hold a whole lot of respect for tommy as a person. to him, tommy is his right-hand man, his little brother who is just a kid and doesn't understand what he's going through. tubbo was also hurt by wilbur, but we know tubbo would learn how to create nuclear weapons to distract himself instead of talking about his feelings. phil obviously doesn't know shit about what went down in l'manberg before wilbur's death. quackity was clearly more focused on protecting las nevadas instead of getting any kind of closure with wilbur.

niki is one of, if not the only person who could probably get through to wilbur and tell him exactly how much he hurt everyone around him with his actions. right now, wilbur is a mess of contradicting emotions and morals and goals. he keeps changing his attitude every other sentence, ominously talking about his plans and claiming not to care while desperately craving forgiveness and acceptance from everyone around him. he's a master of manipulation, but the person he is best at manipulating is himself. he's lying to himself constantly so he can keep himself from drowning in his own guilt for everything he did, but if he's going to actually get anywhere in his growth he needs someone to force him to confront himself. he needs niki to call him out so that he can admit to himself that he's actually not this uncaring villain who has no regret, but that he does regret what he's done, and that he doesn't have to keep playing the villain. wilbur is not irredeemable, but he thinks he is bc everything in his mind is so black and white, and so he's not trying to improve himself at all. if niki confronts him though, that could be the thing that forces him to try and change.

tl;dr the only way for both niki and wilbur to heal at this point is to talk to each other so niki can get closure and wilbur can be confronted head on with the pain he's caused others and recognize that he actually needs to try and change, instead of just copping out by saying he's on villain arc 2: electric boogaloo

[queen0fm0nsterz]

*Slides a 5 dollar bill* So what are some of your ideas for those Little Nightmares fics?

OH BOY ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO KNOW.

Weeeell, I have various idea that I'm writing down all at the same time. I'll list the various AUs here.

The Gang! AU

Ok no this isn't some sort of Criminal AU, I literally didn't know what to name it JSKDKS

Anyway, I'm actually writing this along with a friend of mine. It's based on a rp we had and it's quite long. We're writing one chapter each, I'm currently finishing chapter five. It kinda follows the story of Little Nightmares 2, but at the same time is canon divergent. Does that make sense?

We added two of our kid OCs to travel with Mono and Six!

Their names are Zip and Emerald respectively, from left to right! Zip was made by my friend while Emerald is my kid. The art was done by me!

They're not the only OCs we made for this story; we also have five glitch kids, a couple of bullies and a patient from the Hospital.

Since it's long, we decided to split it into three parts. The first part takes place in the Pale City, the second part in the Maw and the third in a location made up by us that we're still crafting.

The good news: Mono doesn't get dropped and Runaway Kid is alive!

The bad news: everything else literally every single thing

It's gonna have a good ending, though. It's the least we can do after everything we put these kids through😭

Restaurant Maw! AU

Just the monsters of LN put in a modern setting! Not only that, it's Maw employees centric!

Basically in this AU the Maw is a very well-known restaurant and hotel, in a very similar fashion to the bathouse in Spirited Away. The Lady is obviously the boss, the Ferryman becomes the driver of the Maw's personal bus, Roger is the keeper, Bellhop is still a bellhop and also the maître d'hotel (aka the guy who makes sure the guests are comfortable etc.), the Chefs are still the Chefs - their names are Bruce and Bernard! And lastly, the Nomes are a bunch of waiters, bellhops and cooks.

Things are going very well for eveyone until one day the Chefs go outside for a smoking break and they find a baby in a box. They take her in and keep her hidden for a couple of days before the Lady invitably finds out.

She decides to let them keep her with the condition that they raise her on their own and take care of all of her needs wihout bothering her - which of course doesn't happen at all and eventually all the employees in the Maw grow attached to baby Sawako nicknamed Six.

This one has all my favorite tropes: slice of life, found family, and I'm hoping to achieve comedy (which is very complicated for me because I have a very dramatic style).

Plus the Chefs are italian because I'm italian and I claimed them, so if you want to see one of them teach the Lady how to swear in italian you came in the right place.

RCG and the Pretender Live! AU

And they lived! I started writing this immediately after I finished VLN but I was blinded by pain so it's a little messy. I have to edit it.

But basically the point is: they survived! But are stuck on land. The first to wake up is RCG, who I named Valeria, and she spots the Pretender a few feet from her and realizes that somehow they both managed to float ashore. Luckily for her, the Nest is now very far away, although they can still see it from the distance.

At first she wants to leave the Pretender there, but then decides to bring her along, tying her hands behind her back first. And so begins the girls voyage in the big wide world, trying to survive and becoming besties in the process.

Im debating wheter I want the Pretender to develop a little crush on RCG or not. Mhhhh. I'll let you guys know.

Mono Jumps in Time! AU

THIS ONE WAS INSPIRED BY THIS ADORABLE FANART BY @kelpermoosee !! Go check them out their art is adorable!!! This is also a Mono centric AU!

So basically! When Six is kidnapped by the Thin Man and Mono goes to save her, his high distress and strong, swirling emotions lead him to not only travel from a place to the next, but to also accidentally go back in time.

He jumps out from a TV but, surprise surprise, he's not in the Pale City anymore. He's landed right in front of the Pretender, who immediately takes a liking to him and wants him to be her new friend. Mono is extremely confused and at first and doesn't realize what happened, so obviously he tries to go back to the Pale City, but then he sees a girl in a yellow raincoat and immediately assumes she's Six.

He assumes that's where the Thin Man brought her, so he tries to run after her, but he's costantly hindered by either the Pretender or her staff. Will he ever get to "Six" and realize that he jumped in time? I'll decide, because this story is still under construction.

Six Forgets! AU

You know that quote from the comics?

"What's the last thing you remember? Tell me. If you don't tell us, you're sure to forget altogether."

Beautiful. And also what prompted me to come up with this AU.

Some things to clarify: the Eye is a collective conciousness that feeds off from negative emotions, the Thin Man lives but can't leave the Pale City, and The Lady is a grown up Six. The Maw kids from the comics are here! Plus a few OCs of mine.

And lastly: Six couldn't handle the guilt from dropping Mono and repressed all memories involving him altogheter, so she completely forgot about him.

Six gets on the Maw, but this time instead of waking up in a suitcase, she's brought to Roger adn the other children by the Ferryman. There, she befriends a few children but no one gets closer to her than the Runaway Kid. They both want to be free and plan an escape together.

In the meantime, Mono is still trapped in the Signal Tower, but he's convinced that Six let him slip by accident and that she'll come back for him. (The Eye is very frustated with him bc they be planning on feeding on his sadness and rage and then he has the audacity to be hopeful? The nerve!) That's until he gets a glimpse of his best friend and this unknown child through one of the TVs on the Maw, joking and playing with each other, and she confesses to this... no one, really, that he's the best friend she's ever had.

As you can imagine, Mono goes feral. The Eye couldn't be happier.

Chaos ensues! We got a lot of angst, violence, Monster!Mono and also some wholesome moments. Also out of context spoiler: RK and Six lead a revolution.

The Lost Ones

This one is just a bunch of quick drabbles that talk about the glitching remains. They all deserved better.

Hunter and Veronica

I was not gonna miss the occasion of writing simp hunter. Take it or leave it.

Based on my Hunter theory!

My beautiful terrible disaster of a man works on the Maw as a chef, but no one really knows why since he's not good at it. Fortunately, the vast majority of the Guests is just too hungry to care and the current Lady, a woman with a scarecrow mask, doesn't want to fire him. A few Guests have complains, though; for example, a Teacher who seemingly never blinks and a very massive Doctor, whom he befriends.

One day, a filming crew gets on the Maw and the Lady informs her staff that they will be staying for a while to film a commercial-documentary of the restaurant, which will bring more and more Guests. With the crew came a famous, very talented chef named Veronica who has her own extremely successful cooking show, who offers to help the current chef as a thank you for letting them stay without having to pay.

Initially the Hunter is not too happy about this. In his eyes he doesn't need the help, but they start getting closer and closer with time.

This will probably be wholesome but end in a very bad, tragic way. I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not lol

✓✓✓

And that's it for now. I have some other things planned with my monster OCs (btw y'all wanna see them?), but this is the whole thing. It may be updated in the future since I always seem to get more and more ideas!

[aalissy]

Best Friends

Day four of Adrienette April is finished woot woot!! I hope you guys enjoy this lil bit of post-reveal pre-relationship bc it’s one of my fave tropes hehee. Lemme know what you think <3! Also I can’t wait for April 10th now to watch Lies. I missed miraculous sooo much :D :D

AO3

Marinette was stretched out across her chaise. A book was in one of her hands as she skimmed through the pages lazily. Adrien was sprawled on her lap as she distractedly ran her fingers through his hair. Every so often, she would put her book down to take a small peek at the boy who was smiling happily, nuzzling into her hand. She had to bite down on her lower lip to fight against her own grin that was threatening to beam across her face.

They had revealed their identities a few months ago after they had both stumbled into the same alleyway to detransform. To say it had been a surprise was an understatement. Knowing that it had been Adrien flirting with her the whole time was something Marinette couldn’t even process for days. 

Once she had found out, of course, her feelings for him grew exponentially, especially when they began to hang out every chance they got. Knowing that the love of her life was also her best friend filled her with euphoria. Unfortunately for her, though, Adrien’s feelings must have stagnated because their relationship didn’t change. They were still just friends, regardless of how often she wished they could be something more. Marinette let out a quiet, forlorn sigh as she twirled a strand of Adrien’s hair around her finger. Luckily, his voice broke through her melancholic thoughts with a statement that made her heart tug painfully in her chest.

“You know you’re my best friend, right?” Adrien stated plainly, blinking up at her with a pair of beautiful, wide, earnest eyes.

Her fingers paused in their tracks and he made a quiet noise of discontent before nudging her hand with his head. Giggling softly, Marinette resumed their previous dance through his hair, putting her book to the side. Looking down at him with a happy grin, she murmured, “Of course I do, kitty. You’re my best friend too.” “So we can tell each other anything then, right?” He asked her eagerly.

“Mhm,” Marinette hummed back with a small chuckle, “I mean we already know each other’s secret identities so I don’t really see the point in us hiding anything else.”

She ignored the twinge of guilt that ate away at her. She was still keeping something from him. But at this point, she was not ready to ruin the wonderful friendship they had created together. Even if she longed to lean down and connect their lips together and find out if Adrien’s mouth was as soft and sweet as it looked. For a brief moment, Marinette wondered if he would be alright with just a peck before she forcefully shoved those thoughts back into the recesses of her mind.

“Of course,” Adrien nodded before he scrambled out of her lap. He left Marinette with her hand still hovering in the air as a shocked look entered her eyes. Lowering her arm back down, he began to speak again, “So if I ask you something right now, will you answer?”

“Uh, I’ll try my best too.” She gave him a wide, awkward smile, rubbing her arm as she shifted into a more comfortable position.

“Perfect!” Adrien beamed back at her before he seemed to turn slightly shy. Looking at him curiously as his mood completely changed, Marinette watched as he glanced away from her. He rubbed the back of his neck before murmuring, “Do you remember Glaciator?”

A small crease furrowed her brow before she nodded slowly. Nibbling on her lip, she wondered where he was going with this. Of course she remembered Glaciator. Looking back on it, her heart filled with both pain and regret. While she had still been hung up on Adrien missing their date, she had missed the fact that her kitty had been waiting for her. 

If only she had gone to that meeting. Maybe if she had, she would have been able to accept Chat’s rose and feelings and saved them a lot of heartache. Still, it was much too late for that line of thinking. Adrien was over her now and she was okay with that.

“That day you told me you had gotten your heart broken and you were in love with someone else,” Adrien spoke determinedly, making her squirm uncomfortably. 

Why was he bringing up the past like this? Did he know? Was he trying to let her down easily? Anxiously, Marinette bit down on her lip as she waited for him to get to the point.

“W-who was it that broke your heart that day?” His words made her wince, her mind racing as she scrambled for an answer.

I can’t exactly say it was him! Marinette screamed at her mind in frustration. Taking a deep breath, she slowly spoke, “D-does it really matter? He moved on and I’m alright with that.”

Adrien frowned deeply before seemingly murmuring to himself, “So it wasn’t Luka after all then?” 

There was a small pause in the conversation as they both stared at each other with wide eyes. Marinette desperately prayed that he wouldn’t ask the question she could see already forming on his lips.

Almost in an act of defiance, Adrien said the very words that she had desperately hoped he wouldn’t. “Then who?”

Sucking in another deep, tremulous breath of air, Marinette’s eyes darted around the room. Finding no answers, she decided to settle for telling him a small portion of the truth, “Well, I-I may have, um, been slightly disappointed that our friend wasn’t able to join us for ice cream.”

“Why couldn’t your friend come?” Adrien’s frown furrowed even deeper.

Her lips pursed as annoyance filled her briefly. Did he really want her to spell it out for him? How humiliating. With a small gulp, Marinette muttered quietly, not moving her gaze away from her bedroom floor, “I don’t know. His father can be pretty strict so I think he wouldn’t let him out or something.”

“Oh,” Adrien said and she could almost see the look of realization cross his face as he breathed out the same word once again, “Oh.”

With an awkward laugh, Marinette moved to get off the chaise, ready for him to make fun of her, “Y-yeah, anyway I should go do homework now so I gues-”

“Hold on,” he spoke, catching her wrist gently. Finally, she turned to look at him and saw confusion instead of a look of disgust. Adrien hesitated before murmuring quietly, “Me?”

“I-it wasn’t your fault though!” She rushed to explain, “Don’t worry I completely understand why you couldn’t make it!”

“Marinette, that’s not...” he began before shaking his head, standing up to face her. His hand remained on her wrist and her eyes shot down to it before quickly looking back up at him. Adrien squeezed her wrist softly before, “Was I really the one who broke your heart that day?”

Marinette squeaked loudly, squeezing her eyes shut. She shook her head furiously, refusing to answer that question. A pair of soft, warm fingers trailed down her cheek and she leaned into Adrien’s hand with a quiet sigh.

“Please, Marinette,” he murmured into her ear, “Please tell me the truth. This could mean everything.”

Her eyes fluttered open and she was struck by his emerald eyes staring into hers adoringly. For the first time in a while, she could see love and adoration brimming within them. Feeling her heart thump wildly in her chest, Marinette stuttered, “I-it was y-you. A-Adrien, it’s always been you.”

His mouth fell open before his face practically lit up. He let out a loud whoop before picking her up and twirling her around the room. She squeaked once again, her arms wrapping around him before he put her back down. He beamed down at her before whispering, “It’s the same for me, Marinette. It always has. In and out of the suit, I love you.”

“What?!” She practically shrieked, “N-no, that can’t be. You moved on. That’s why you’ve stopped flirting with me.”

Adrien looked at her with a deep frown, “Stopped flirting with you? Marinette, I spend every last second of my free time with you. We just spent an hour cuddling on your chaise. If anyone stopped flirting it was you.”

Marinette bristled, “I did not stop flirting! We may have spent the last hour cuddling but I was the one running my fingers through your hair that whole time!”

She poked a finger in his chest, glaring up at him. Instead of arguing back, Adrien simply grabbed her hand, spreading her fingers across his chest with a small chuckle, “Alright, so neither of us stopped flirting then.”

“T-that’s right!” she stammered, feeling a dark blush settle on her cheeks.

“And if neither of us stopped flirting, then that means both of us still like each other, correct?” Adrien asked with a sly smirk twitching at his lips.

“O-oh, y-yeah, I guess,” Marinette stuttered again, ducking her head away from his gaze towards the floor.

A hand cupped her cheek and tilted her head back up to face him, though, as Adrien smiled softly down at her. His thumb stroked gently across her face as he leaned in slowly, “So can I do this then?”

“Uh-huh,” Marinette nodded dumbly, still feeling dazed and confused. 

Their lips connected and she felt her heart race as she finally realized she was kissing Adrien. It was perfect. Slowly, her hands reached up to bury themselves in his hair as his grip on her waist tightened. She tilted her head to deepen the kiss and for the first time in a while, she felt complete.

Eventually, they both pulled away and Marinette felt a lovestruck smile light up her face as she nuzzled into Adrien’s chest. He chuckled, and her eyes fluttered closed when he murmured quietly in her ear, “Does this mean I can finally say you’re my girlfriend now?”

Marinette tilted her head back to laugh loudly, “Yes, kitty, I’m your girlfriend now.”

Her thumb reached up to caress his cheek before she pulled him down into another kiss. With a happy sigh, she couldn’t help but smile into their kiss. Everything was absolutely perfect.

[lgbtqlegends]

I adore every angsty thing you write, so I come to you with this request:

Headcanons for if Bishop had brainwashed Sara and made her either forget the other Legends or just turn against them? Bonus points for the aftermath after she’s back to normal.

aww thanks!! i'm glad you enjoy all the angst i write!! thanks for the ask n hope you enjoy! (ps sorry it took a while to answer)

also okay so like,, I'm not sure if you wanted these headcanons to be like,, "sara was returned to the ship already brainwashed & clearly turned against the other legends" But,,, reading this prompt has sparked,, a bit of a different, more angsty idea (still the same premise, just a bit of a twist on the when). and, well, i'm sucker for angst so,,

-okay so like. bishop altered her when he cloned her. we Know this. he spliced her DNA with an alien's DNA, obviously, but like. also. we know he has the capability (and no moral or ethical objections at all) to alter other stuff, ie he altered his own pain receptors. so like, it begs the question: what else could he have changed? what else could he have altered that sara didn't notice?

-like, okay, let's be real, bishop would have absolutely No qualms about coding sara's brain to make her turn against the legends at any given moment. and sara would have no idea. like,, he could've coded her brain to make her turn on the legends at the snap of his fingers. he clearly has no moral objection to doing so, and with the way the whole thing has been thus far explained, it sounds like a plausible thing that he couldve done

-so, anyway, onto the rest of the headcanons, assuming that this would be the reality: bishop altered sara's brain and 'coded' it to make it so that he could make her turn against the legends at any given moment

-he lures her into a false sense of security, gives her time to start thinking/believing that the only thing he changed was the alien DNA. he lets her get comfortable, being back with her team and especially being back with ava

-he does it in a moment where everyone would least expect it, in a moment where they're all together, hanging out, and all their guards are down for the time being (because. y'know. Of Course he would choose a moment like that)

-it's like,,, they're all having a family dinner or like,,, having a team movie night or smth. one moment sara is laughing and smiling with her team, thinking about how much she loves this and how there's nowhere else she'd rather be, and then the next minute the switch has flipped and she's been turned against her team, and suddenly she's attacking everyone with like,,, full force, not holding back bc why would she if her brain's been turned against them (think like,,, okay so i'm pretty sure it was divergent that i remember this from: without like,, getting into the specifics of divergent, basically sara's brain, i guess, would be altered so that instead of seeing the legends as friends they become the enemies. i mean like,,, obviously,, but i mean like,, okay idk where i'm going with this whole divergent thing but-)

-so anyway, she starts pretty much full-on attacking them out of seemingly nowhere, and no one knows what the hell is going on, but they know this is Definitely Not sara (like,, okay the Know it's Sara but they know it's not necessarily like,,, her,,, in control)

-the more,,, observant,,, legends noticed a split-second before she started attacking that something in her changed, first by the look in her eyes, and then immediately after how she went from laughing and smiling with the rest of the team to just,,, like,, nothing at all, and a second after that is when she started attacking

-now like,,, anyone on the ship who was there during the whole death totem thing would know like,,, sara when she's not in her own head and not in control of her body,,, is Very dangerous and could be very lethal if they're not careful, so,,, they mostly take an,,, avoid and tactical retreat type of strategy rather than like,,, offensive/defensive type thing (because they know how that turned out last time and they know that they'd most likely lose)

-none of them really know what to do because none of them are really sure if this is something that can be fixed, they don't know if there's any way that they can get sara back to normal,,, and that Hurts them, because they all love her and they really don't wanna think about what would happen if this couldnt be reversed (and also like,,, the fact that they would have just somewhat-recently gotten her back from outer space it's just like,,, it's a lot)

-eventually (and it was,,, Not easy) they get her to the brig or w/e it's called now (i think ava's called it a dais?? idk lmao) and they get her inside and like,,, trap her in there until they can figure out how to get her back. they probably also maybe like,,, take extra precautions and like,,, chain her up or smth (bc like,,, they'd still have to let the barrier down to give her food n stuff so,,,)

-since she's chained up n can't exactly do much, ava decides to go in there one day, "just to see, because we've tried everything we can think of so far and there has to be a way to get her back, there Has to be, and she's strong, alright, and maybe if she just,,, Feels me, maybe she'll come back to us. i have to Try"

-so she does. she lets down the barrier, steps inside, puts it back up. the rest of the legends are in the room for back up (just in case), and they watch as ava steps up to sara, who's struggling against the chains, trying to break free. ava puts a hand against sara's chest, right over her heart, and then leans her forehead against sara's, and she talks softly to her, saying whatever she can think of that might get sara to come back, to Remember

-sara struggles against her at first because she's still brainwashed, but sara is nothing if not strong and stubborn and persistent, so of course she ends up fighting through and remembering who she is and who the legends are

-she's confused for only a moment before she remembers and looks around at her team, and then she loathes herself with every fiber of her being, and she kinda just,,, loses all the fight that she has in her for that moment and just kinda,,, falls so that the chains are the only thing holding her up

-ava undoes the chains and then pulls sara into her arms so she doesn't fall completely. sara tries to push her away because she doesn't think she deserves this and also she's Terrified that she'll end up hurting ava anyway, even though she's back to herself. ava just holds her tighter though and they kinda both slowly sink to the ground

-the rest of the legends let the barrier down and kinda like,,, step closer to her

-normally sara would Hate anyone but ava seeing her this vulnerable but this isn't really a "normal" situation and also she's like,,, a little too wrapped up in self-hatred to be able to make sense of much, so the rest of the team kinda just like,,, piles in n surrounds her in a group hug to like,,, try to get through to her and show her that they all still love her

-it kinda works for a little bit and sara just like,,, lets herself sit there and break down surrounded by her team, but as soon as the night comes and she's laying in bed with ava all the self-loathing comes back again full force. at some point she manages to fall asleep, but not for that long bc she wakes up from a nightmare soon after

-she kinda just,,, shuts herself down for a while and like,,, isolates herself/pushes everyone away as much as she can

-the legends know it's a lot for her to deal with and they can't imagine the guilt and self-hatred she must be feeling (bc they know sara is Like That) but they still like,,, wish that they could get her to see that itll be okay

-it gets so bad one night that none of them get any sleep because they're all really worried about sara (and also because sara is in the gym, working herself out to the point of exhaustion and collapse and,, well,, she's not being very quiet about it)

-so they all end up in the gym with her that night, watching her break Another punching bag. and because nothing seems to be working, she grabs one of her throwing knives and throws it back into the wall farthest from her (nowhere near where the legends are standing) and then she kinda just,,, sits down,,, doesn't do anything else or say anything else, just sits down n puts her head in her hands n her shoulders start shaking

-one by one the legends all go n sit down with her and they get into as much of a group hug as they possibly can. its then that they finally get through to sara, even just a little bit, and nothing's really like,,, okay,,, because sara's still very much Not Okay about the whole thing but like,,, they all have a feeling that like,,, maybe,,, maybe itll start to get better from there on out

[palukoo]

amy, cj, donna, and andy!!!

them!!! they!!! the girls!!!

okay. so. this is gonna be another one where i do some sets of 2 first, and because of that it's going under a cut haha

amy & cj!! okay, i know we've talked about them, but... god they're everything. i touched on them in this post basically to say that like. in canon they are set up as friends (and, in fact, close friends) without really giving us much of that. i see them basically as having met at some women in politics function with cj at emily's list and amy at now, and making jokes and hitting it off easily and eventually through running into each other again and again actually talking. the other thing is that... amy and cj are really similar, actually. funny and smart as hell and confident on the surface, kind of a mess beneath that. it's the humor as a defense that josh calls cj out on, the confidence masking insecurities (specifically the fear of letting people down), down to one of my favorite parallels between them of "he thinks of you like a daughter, cj" "that's not a good enough reason to keep me around" vs anything when amy thinks abbeys gonna fire her or when jed kind of does. the difference with them is... cj's focused on public image and conforming to that, on loyalty, etc, and amy's really, really not, and is terrible at working for people.

donna & andy, oh how i wish we'd seen them more! in canon they've got a few lines in gaza, and they seem familiar, plus earlier on during sam's campaign in california there's scenes with the two of them even if they don't actually talk to each other. i... don't think they really know each other well, but i think they could find some common ground, especially after gaza and i really want to write about them dealing with their trauma from it together some, because i think they'd both have a certain level of survivor's guilt, and to an extent i also think that andy would feel really bad talking about it with donna because she wasn't in the car and didn't get hurt and donna did. i also think... i'm not at all an expert, but i assume donna would be knocked unconscious pretty immediately, and so i kind of headcanon that they have a really... careful? conversation where donna's sort of just asking andy what happened, if she's comfortable talking about it?

cj & donna are everything! they (and occasionally others? but mostly them) are like. the emotional, compassionate, optimistic centers of the show, really, which is... something i could talk about more considering they're the only two consistently present female characters really but yk... but it means that you get this thing of kind of reminding everyone else to be like. human, and i like this for them a lot as characters (even if from a gender perspective i don't necessarily). they also both do the quiet loyalty thing without such a complex about it oh my god. and one of the things i really do like about later seasons donna doing press is that she does it in a very cj way at times and that's kind of beautiful. and then... at some point i will put down coherent thoughts about no exit but i love how much they care about each other and calmly call each other out but get really defensive because the other thing about them is that they're both insanely perceptive and sort of evasive, and they're fighting but it's kind of each of them being like "let yourself be happy!!!" anyways. this post. yeah.

amy & andy!! so. amy & andy are really really similar. are y'all noticing a pattern yet? anyways, i mean, it's by nature of being love interest to a main man, and she's angry and funny and yells at him and makes fun of him and he's a little hapless and... yeah. but... any of these characters i can say "oh theyre smart and funny" thats any west wing character. amy and andy also just really want to fight, and don't want to give up or in ever. i don't think of them as super close, but i can't imagine a world in which amy hasn't fundraised for andy's campaigns, or where they haven't worked together trying to get some legislation to pass. in the same way that cj and donna (and abbey and helen) have the quiet loyalty to contrast, say, toby and josh's (and leo's) very blatant, always talked about loyalty, they... just don't have that. i'm not saying they aren't loyal, they just aren't insanely committed to it. they prioritize themselves and their agendas rather than others, which i don't think we're really supposed to like them for? but i find it refreshing. also. the energies they have in process stories? unparalleled. i love thinking about them working together.

oh does this mean it's time for amy & donna? okay. well. i think the thing about them is that people assume they don't like each other when they really actually do. i mean, like, yeah, we rarely see them together, but i also talk about them in the post i linked for cj & amy, and here. I think they make fun of josh together a lot. i think that donna is bothered by amy being antagonistic and frankly hypocritical towards josh but also recognized that it's a two way street, and it makes her frustrated with both of them. i think amy is (knowingly a little irrationally) hurt by josh's loyalty and care for donna over her (i... actually mean this platonically), and donna's seemingly blind loyalty to josh. but i think... amy validates donna's political abilities multiple times, and donna seems to admire amy. i think they become friends and trust each other a lot and make each other better. i can't write this answer and pretend i haven't written a 176k wip about them falling and being in love with each other.

and cj and andy!! i also can't pretend i don't have an outline + some snippets of a fic for them! we don't see much of them in canon, either, but like. there's that scene where they're both kind of yelling at toby that's pretty iconic. when that couple is harassing andy in that hotel bar in the california 47th, cj technically steps in before toby (very differently and i could write a whole thing on that too). andy at one point points out how cj is feeling to toby which is a lot. (that whole scene is a lot), and then in s7 the scene where andy is trying to get cj to get the president to pardon toby makes me crazy. i don't know that i can explain why i ship them, but i really really do, and i think that there's a lot of history in their relationship because of their jobs and because of toby. this is also a thing with amy and andy, but there's this interesting contrast because while i'm sure andy has insecurities, she also seems genuinely self assured. oh also there's... andy is kind of abrasive and accidentally hurtful on top of charismatic, and cj is very quiet with her (negative) emotions, and doesn't often lash out and instead internalizes a lot of stuff? it's an interesting thing about guilt and anger with them.

so... the four of them is fun! like, amy and andy just getting set off about something political, and cj and donna just like quietly agreeing/being amused and bringing up their own points maybe but the two of them are just going on. amy and/or andy being frustrated over something that josh and/or toby did, and bonding over it, and donna and cj being incredibly uncomfortable. i mean, i also just see this really clearly because i parallel their relationships a lot so like, cj and donna talking about... being sort of awkward/guilty/reluctant about being in a relationship with andy and amy respectively bc they don't want to hurt toby and josh, and andy and amy bonding over being really frustrated by this outwardly bc they're there own damn people, but deep down kind of understanding and relating to that guilt... i mean like, i think actually putting the four of them in a room together would be just deeply funny if a little stilted depending on the context, but none of them are the most "let's talk about my feelings" so i don't think a lot would come out between them in casual conversation. you get them in a situation where either donna or cj is doing the thing their very good at about calmly calling people out, or where either andy or amy is angry enough to not be thinking about if they're being hurtful? that's interesting, and because you can see the different ways that all of the sets of two have different ways they can relate or are the same, or even groups of three, and so depending on the specifics you'd get really different dynamics of who is agreeing with/supporting who and how.

[taelme]

Don’t Need Your Love Club - Recruiting Now! (Welcome, Lee Donghyuck)

genre: high school!au, student council member!donghyuck, friends-to-lovers!au (fluff, angst with a happy ending, kind of mutual pining?) 

pairing/s: Haechan / Reader (ft dreamies and some other Kpop 00 line boys, and Gugudan Mina) 

word count: 17k+ 

tw: none! 

a/n: after the long wait...the final part is up!! thank u guys for being patient lol I hope this chapter was satisfactory,, so please enjoy~~ also none of my works are beta read sorry so feedback is very much appreciated heh under the cut bc its pretty long! 

Lee Donghyuck was a selfish being. He was someone that joined the student council for the sake of being able to bend the rules, someone that had a way with words that managed to manipulate people into doing things for his convenience. And someone that never felt bad about guilt tripping somebody for his own gain. Even if that somebody was you. 

lee donghyuck 11:15am -r u coming for my match later- 

You rolled your eyes, sinking further down in your seat as you typed out a reply with one hand, hiding your phone under the table as you nodded along with whatever your teacher was saying. 

11:15am -you've asked me this already im trying to pay attention- 

You glanced over at Donghyuck's seat at the other end of the classroom, the teachers having separated your desks at the start of the term since the both of you were always distracted if you were seated near each other. Not that you weren’t still distracted when he was all the way at the other side of the classroom, clearly.

He was sitting with his body angled towards you, leaning against the wall with his head supported by his elbow on the table, his hair mussed up as he kept his gaze on the board while typing his reply to you. 

lee donghyuck 11:16am - wtv - 11:16am - was just checking if u rmb... - 11:16am - anyway r u buying me flowers- 

You cast a glance at him, seeing that his position had shifted now as he hunched over his desk, fiddling with his tie. Looking over to you, he'd met your gaze, quirking his eyebrows ever so quickly as he gestured discreetly at his phone, a small smirk on his face. 

11:16am -it's not like its a choir performance... i see u play all the time-

You swore you'd heard Donghyuck stop himself from whining, smiling sweetly at your teacher before he typed his reply to you. 

lee donghyuck 11:17am - but jisung said u were getting him flowers!! >:( - 

You pressed your lips firmly together in your attempt to suppress your smile, twirling your pen with one hand. 

11:17am - 1. thats bc jisung is my brother 11:17am -2. the flowers are from my mom bc its his first game.- 11:17am -from what i know, u r both not my brother n not playing ur first game = no flowers for u - 

lee donghyuck 11:17am - :(!!!!! - 

11:18am - what time do you have to leave? - 

lee donghyuck 11:18am – in 2 minutes -

11:18am - ok have a good practice see u later - 

You watched out of boredom as he'd already begun to pack his things, blatantly disregarding that the lesson was still going on (you were sure he'd ask you for the notes the following week). 

"Lee Donghyuck, you need to be dismissed, am I right?" your head turned sharply towards your teacher as her voice raised slightly. She never did try to hide her annoyance at Donghyuck having to skip lessons all the time because of volleyball matches or student council events. 

Donghyuck looked up from his bag, nodding with a smile as he zipped it up, slinging it over his shoulder. It didn’t help the teacher that Donghyuck simply loved to piss her off. 

"Alright, go," she waved him off. 

Bending down to hook his shoe bag and water bottle on his finger, Donghyuck turned to you to nod his head goodbye before he'd strolled leisurely out of the class. 

=== 

You'd retrieved the (awfully large) bouquet of flowers from your locker after school ended before heading to Donghyuck's volleyball match, having hitched a ride with Chenle so you could split the cab fare, despite Chenle's insistence that he could have paid for the both of you. 

"Is that for Jisung?" 

You gestured with your gaze towards the bag he was holding in his hand, earning a nod from him. Looking closer, you realised that it was a cup of Jisung's ever-so-specific drink order from the bubble tea shop near your school. 

"He seemed pretty nervous for today, thought it'd be nice to get him something small as a reward." 

The corner of your lips lifted into a smirk, a huff of amusement leaving you, "are you sure it won't be diluted by the end of the game?" 

Chenle's eyes widened, glancing between you and the drink as his lips parted, making you shake your head, ruffling his hair affectionately. 

"Don't worry, Jisung will probably still drink it anyway," you laughed. 

"Did you get those for Donghyuck, too?" He nodded with his head towards the bag you were holding.

You raised an eyebrow, following his gaze to realise he was gesturing to your bag containing Jisung's bouquet, almost forgetting you were carrying it. 

You shook your head.

"Nope, my mom got these for Jisung..." you trailed off, your mind wandering back to how Donghyuck was pestering you to get flowers for him, a strange feeling of guilt creeping up on you if you were to decide not to get him anything. 

Staring out of the car window, you tried to recall how much spending money you had left for the rest of the week.

"Chenle, do you remember if they have a florist near the venue?" 

You wanted to scoff at yourself. What was the special occasion anyway? 

It was just any other one of Donghyuck’s matches, yet you were only feeling extremely guilty now about not buying him flowers of all things to show your support. 

Chenle's lips pursed, shaking his head before taking his phone and keying in something. 

"Oh! There is! Says here that it's at the mall next to the stadium," your eyes widened, eyebrows furrowing slightly as you tried to read the details on the shop location on his phone. 

Chenle narrowed his eyes at you, "are you gonna get something for Donghyuck?" 

You scoffed at the way he was smiling at you, waving him off, "I'll see if it's within my budget." 

Finding the florist took you and Chenle long enough, the dainty shop having been tucked away at a far end of the mall, but picking out a flower took even longer. 

"What about this one?" Chenle pointed at a similar bouquet as to what you had for Jisung, a pretty bouquet of yellow and pink tulips. 

"Too expensive," you whispered just soft enough that the shop owner wouldn't hear, skimming over the bouquet and letting your gaze travel towards the bright sunflower bouquets. 

"And plus, Donghyuck likes sunflowers." 

"This one?" you asked Chenle, pointing at a small simple bouquet of a sunflower and baby's breath. 

Chenle let out a hum in approval, "oh, this is cute, yeah, sure you should get this!" he told you, nodding. 

You bid the thirty-over dollars in your wallet goodbye, mentally cursing Donghyuck for managing to guilt trip you into buying flowers for him. 

Grabbing the bouquet and shoving it into the same bag as Jisung's before practically jogging to the venue with Chenle, the both of you running late from spending so long at the mall. 

Struggling to keep up with Chenle, you saw him turn to you, waving his phone, "Jeno says they saved a seat for us!" 

You nodded, already out of breath as you let him lead you into the stands closer to where your school's team would be seated, spotting them doing warm-ups at the bleachers. 

Greeting Donghyuck’s friends, you’d seated yourself in between Chenle and Renjun, stretching your neck to look over the banners that the girls seated in front of you were holding, trying to find Donghyuck in the crowd of black volleyball jerseys. 

Jisung seemed to have spotted you, calling the said boy and pointing at your direction. Looking up in confusion, Donghyuck’s eyes searched the crowd before spotting you and his friends, the group of you waving enthusiastically (not to mention the girls in front of you as well who had immediately squealed when Donghyuck had smiled in their direction). 

Walking over to Jisung, the two had partnered each other for warm-ups, Donghyuck starting to get into his more serious mood as he would during his games. 

“Damn, look at Donghyuck. He’s just stretching but he looks so good,” your eyes widened when you heard the girl in front of you lean over to divulge to her friend. 

Chenle turned to you with raised eyebrows, not-so-secretly pointing at the girl with an expectant look on his face. 

“What?” You scoffed. 

“You’ve got some competitors,” he told you, erupting into a burst of laughter causing the girls to turn around, eyeing Chenle in shock. 

Nodding apologetically to them, (though you weren’t all that sorry), you leant over to Chenle slightly and dropped your voice to a murmur. 

“They can have him. I’m sure his ego would explode.”

Renjun turned to you, seemingly interested in your conversation.

“What are you guys talking about?”

Chenle butt in quickly, “I’m telling Y/N to claim her man!”

Your eyes widened, shooting Chenle a warning glare.

Renjun’s lips formed a thoughtful pout, “Donghyuck?” 

You scoffed, “I don’t know what you guys are talking about, Donghyuck and I are just friends.” 

You grimaced at the thought of you and Donghyuck ever dating, the thought itself enough to make your insides stir. 

Was it supposed to do that? Maybe you were having indigestion. 

Chenle made a face, trying hard but not doing a very good job to hide his scepticism, seeming to disagree with you. 

“Ouch, hope Donghyuck never has to hear that,” Renjun laughed, seeming to distrust your words as well. 

Rolling your eyes, you kicked the bag of flowers under your seat, not wishing to see them and let your thoughts wander even more. 

Shaking your head, you’d tried to focus on the game as much as you could despite the incessant commentary coming from in front of you of ‘oh Donghyuck’s this, Donghyuck’s that’. As much as you were glad that he had people who liked him instead of hating him, you couldn’t help but wish you could shield Donghyuck from their view, their drooling over him growing distracting as time passed. 

You tried your best, for Donghyuck’s sake, to look past your annoyance and focus on the game, even though you couldn’t say you knew what was happening, having not paid much attention when Donghyuck had tried explaining the different roles of his team members to you on countless occasions. 

To you, you would cheer when the girls sitting in front of you cheered. That was safest. 

Aside from cheering, you would never fail to return the little proud smile Donghyuck would give you after a shot he was particularly proud of, something inside of you feeling heavy with the memory of Renjun and Chenle’s previous words, wondering if it was normal to feel so enamoured when you were looking at your friend smile at you from the court like that. 

You were starting to grow anxious as the game neared its end, your leg starting to bounce as you saw the girls in front of you starting to prepare their gifts, reminding you that you had a gift for Donghyuck too. 

You wanted to scoff at yourself. You weren’t sure where all your anxiousness was coming from. It wasn’t as if you guys weren’t close. You’d given him plenty of gifts, so what made the flowers so different? 

Friends give each other flowers all the time. Yeah, whatever, maybe that’s just my love language, you assured yourself, despite knowing very well that it wasn’t true. 

Startling in your seat when you heard the crowd erupt in cheers, you tore your gaze away from the girls in front of you, cursing inwardly when you realised the game had ended and you’d basically missed the final sequence. 

“Did you see that?” Chenle turned excitedly to you, beaming. 

Laughing nervously, you nodded, surprised he couldn’t tell you were lying with how blatant you were being about it. 

“Now we wait,” you heard Renjun sigh, leaning back in his seat with his hands in his lap just as the girls in front of you had stood up, practically running downstairs to head over to the lobby to wait for Donghyuck. 

“I wish they could just mail them to his house or something,” you yawned, bending over to pull the bag of flowers out from underneath your seat. 

Peeping in the box to check if any of the flowers were damaged, you nodded in satisfaction when you found that they were all still in good condition. 

“I can’t wait, I’ve gotta go meet my girlfriend,” Jeno confessed, a sheepish smile on his face, warranting much teasing from the boys. 

“I’m hitching a ride with him, what about you Renjun?” Jaemin added, slinging his bag over his shoulder, the two of them giving Renjun an expectant look. 

Renjun looked almost contemplative, casting Chenle a glance before shaking his head, “nah, you guys go ahead, I can wait with them.” 

You walked with them along to the entrance of the venue, gripping the bag in your hands tightly, switching between holding Jisung’s bouquet in your hands and shoving it into the bag together with Donghyuck’s in your indecision. 

You watched as Chenle took a sip of the drink he bought for Jisung, an impressed pout on his lips as he nodded in approval. 

“Wow, I should give this place a good review, it still tastes pretty good even after all the waiting.” 

You shook your head with a huff, not being able to help the smile from your face, yet at the same time you were thankful Chenle was so calm while waiting, serving to help you calm your nerves as well. 

Renjun, however, was the opposite. Leaning against the wall you stood at, he shook his fringe away from his eyes as he let out a loud sigh, his features pinched in annoyance. 

“What’s taking him so long?!”

You laughed, “they’re probably still taking group pictures.” 

You could already imagine it, the way Donghyuck would pose ridiculously with his teammates, anticipating the shots he would show you later on. 

You tried to ignore the way the girls who had sat in front of you were now anxiously fixing their hair while waiting for Donghyuck, practically squealing in their giddy anticipation. 

Soon enough, (and thankfully before Chenle could drink too much of Jisung’s drink), you’d watched the double doors open, Donghyuck’s teammates walking out, your eyes widening when you saw who was next to him. 

Chenle had summoned Jisung over quickly, giving you a chance to calm down your racing heart that Hyunjin and Donghyuck were beginning to approach Renjun. 

Your excitement was short-lived, the girls having ambushed him before he could reach Renjun, holding out their small presents for him. 

“Donghyuck you were so cool today! You played so well!” 

“Yeah! You look really cool when you play!” You heard another girl chime in. 

Suppressing your feelings of annoyance, you decided to ignore them for the time being, tuning out their words as you tried to focus on your task at hand. 

“Here,” you shoved the flowers to Jisung, his eyes wide as he sipped on the drink Chenle got him, a surprised smile making its way on his face. 

“You bought these?” He mumbled through his mouthful of tapioca pearls, shaking his head to arrange his hair, though it didn’t do much since it was already messy from playing, sticking out at strange places. 

Rolling your eyes, you ignored the way Donghyuck was tugging on your hand, asking for your attention. 

“No, they’re from mom,” you shook your head, “anyway, are you two going out after this?” 

Chenle gave you a pleading smile, making you scrunch your nose up with a smile. You were never one to say no to Chenle. 

“Alright, go, just remember to tell mom you’ll be late, okay?” You reminded, watching as Jisung’s mouth fell agape in realisation, nodding appreciatively at you before he started to walk off with Chenle. 

Trying to keep your tone steady, you’d finally turned around to face Renjun, Hyunjin and Donghyuck. 

Your breath hitched at the sight of Hyunjin, whose stoic expression changed to a smile to greet you, bringing a hand up to wave at you. 

“Hey,” he huffed. 

“Hi,” you cursed yourself at how breathless you sounded, raising your hand despite Donghyuck’s fingers gripping tightly on the sleeve of your school sweater. 

You missed the offence in Donghyuck’s glare, said boy unable to believe that you were paying more attention to Hyunjin than you were to him at the moment. 

Like you said, Donghyuck was selfish, and he couldn’t stand the fact that Hyunjin was getting more attention from you than he was. 

What was this, a smiling contest? 

Donghyuck wanted to scoff, tightening his grip on your sleeve, though it didn’t seem to bother you, your mood seeming to have lifted just from seeing Hyunjin. 

Renjun seemed to have sensed Donghyuck’s tension, trying his best as he tried to divert your attention back to Donghyuck, trying to signal to Hyunjin that it would be better to leave the two of you alone. 

“Hey, yeah so you were telling me about that thing just now?” Renjun interrupted whatever strange exchange you were having with Hyunjin. 

His sudden question made Hyunjin’s eyebrows lower in confusion, earning a desperate look from Renjun (which you’d missed while you were busy looking at the pretty earrings Hyunjin was wearing). 

Donghyuck caught on quickly to Renjun’s intentions, the latter discreetly waving his hand in a silent plead for him to go ahead. 

“Right, okay, we’ll be off now. Bye!” Donghyuck beamed, his grip moving to your wrist before pulling you out of the venue. 

“Why’d you leave so quick? I was having a great time,” you scoffed, stumbling once he’d let you go, regaining your balance ungracefully, dropping the bag of flowers with a gasp. 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes, straightening out his jersey as if you’d gotten it messed up when he’d dragged you out from the venue. 

“Yeah, I could tell. I could see your heart eyes for Hyunjin from a mile away,” he scoffed, “actually, now that I’m thinking about it...” he helped you up, looking elsewhere as he pretended to be upset at you. 

You dusted off the bag, flinching away when Donghyuck had turned abruptly to face you. 

“Do you just come for my games as an excuse to drool over Hyunjin?” 

You grit your teeth, huffing as you shoved the bag containing his bouquet towards him, hitting him in the chest with your fist as you did so. Letting out a dramatic whine in feigned hurt, his eyes widened at the sight of the bag, his hand wrapping around yours and tugging the bag out of your grip. 

“What’s this? For me?” His smile grew, holding his shoe bag between his elbow and his waist, opening the bag and pulling out the bouquet with a slow gasp, his expression abruptly dropping, “please tell me these weren’t from your mom.” 

You groaned, walking ahead of him, “they weren’t. I bought them.” 

Donghyuck’s lips pressed against each other firmly, poorly concealing his smile, taking his phone out and holding it out as if about to take a selfie, beckoning you over with the bouquet. 

“Come here, I need evidence that this happened.” 

You tried to maintain your glare, though you couldn’t help the smile from your face, reaching over to take his shoe bag and water bottle from him, carrying it behind your back so it wasn’t visible in the picture. Taking the picture quickly, Donghyuck smiled at his handiwork. 

“You’re an ass, you know that? I spent the rest of my week’s allowance on your stupid flowers,” you laughed, swinging his shoe bag as you walked, turning to him with a smile, not being able to stay annoyed at him with how happy he looked. 

Maybe you weren’t so upset about spending your money on the flowers anymore. 

Donghyuck brought the flowers beneath his nose, inhaling and letting out a sigh of contentment, glancing at you before looking back down, pulling his phone out in his attempt to appear as nonchalant as possible. 

“Thanks,” he murmured. 

“Whatever. You played really well today,” you told him, “well, not that I understood what was happening during the game, but the girls just now seemed to have thought so too,” you shrugged, turning to him with a playful grin on your face. 

Clearing your throat, you tried your best impression of the girls that had approached him just now, “oh Donghyuck! You’re so cool when you play! You look so hot when you’re serious!” 

Donghyuck scoffed, trying to hide his blush by pretending to act busy booking a car for the both of you. 

“They never said that second part,” he scoffed. 

You shrugged, “yeah, well you didn’t hear them during the game. I never knew till now that you had so many girls thirsting over you,” you crouched down next to him, tired from standing. 

“Yeah, like how you thirst over Hyunjin?” He shot back, “anyway, the car’s coming in 5 minutes.” 

“Okay,” you acknowledged, “and by the way, I don’t thirst over Hyunjin.”

Donghyuck made an obnoxious sound to imitate you, folding his arms before he used his knee to nudge you, making you lose your balance and fall onto your bum. 

“Yeah, sure,” he drawled, a smug smirk on his face. 

The both of you sat in a fatigued silence until the car had arrived, Donghyuck having entered before you, setting the flowers carefully on his lap, fiddling with the packaging of the bouquet. 

You watched as he brought his phone up to check the time, swiping accidentally and revealing his reminders, one of them being ’29 days to my birthday!’ not being able to help the smile from your face.

“Are you having a party this year?” You asked, seeing him nod, yawning loudly as he shoved his phone back into his pocket, making you cast a worried glance towards the driver to see if Donghyuck’s volume had annoyed him. 

“Yeah, on the day itself. It’s a Sunday. Can you make it?” You frowned. 

“I was supposed to go visit my grandma that week, but I have to check with you again,” you told him, seeing his features pull into a frown. 

“Can grandma wait a few days more?” He sulked, and you turned your gaze away from the window to look at him in both disbelief and amusement, almost knowing he would have said that. 

You saw him leaning closer to rest his head on your shoulder, pulling his phone back out to change the subject, not wishing to let himself feel upset at the thought that you might not be able to make it for his birthday party. 

“Look, I came out really well in the pictures we took just now,” Donghyuck showed you the group picture of his volleyball team, making you zoom into where he was, conveniently standing next to Hyunjin. 

Donghyuck seemed to have realised this, swiping the picture so you were only able to see him in the photo, making you laugh, shoving his phone away. 

“Have you figured out what you wanted for your birthday?” You asked, trying to turn your head in an attempt to see his face better but not doing a very good job, giving up and settling on looking at his fingers which were touching the sunflower petals gently. 

Donghyuck thought off of the top of his head, wanting to slap himself when his first thought was that he’d wanted a kiss from you. He was definitely spending too much time with Jaemin. 

“No, I’m not sure yet,” he yawned, snuggling more into you, and you’d relaxed your shoulder in your hopes to make him feel more comfortable. 

You nodded, “think about it, okay? Let me know so I can get it for you.” 

You were thankful that you were already reaching your house, since Donghyuck was already beginning to doze off after a short period of silence, his head slowly sliding down your shoulder before he would jerk back awake and resume his previous position. 

Eventually, he’d pulled his head away from your shoulder, bringing his hand up to push his hair away from his forehead haphazardly.

“I’m so tired.” 

“Maybe you should try to sleep early today, you don’t have to wake up early tomorrow, do you?” 

He sighed, pausing before groaning, possibly with more anguish than his sigh, “I do. I’ve got some stupid student council thing tomorrow that I’ve got to be in school early for.” 

You gave him your best look of pity, “on a Saturday?” 

He nodded gravely, “we’re hosting the student council members from other schools too. I wouldn’t go if I had a choice but they’re giving me credits for attending, and you and I both know I need all the credits I can get,” he sighed, sinking down in his seat. 

Donghyuck noticed how you’d begun to gather your things, a part of him wishing he hadn’t fallen asleep so he could’ve talked to you more. 

Feeling the car start to slow down, he’d given you a tired smile, “bye.” 

You nodded, waving him goodbye before exiting the car. 

=== 

The next time you’d met Donghyuck was during lunch in school the next Monday, you were seated with your friends at your usual table in the cafeteria, away from the crowd so it wouldn’t feel stuffy but also in a position where you would have a direct view of almost everyone in the cafeteria. 

“Can you come for my finals match?” was the first thing he’d asked you upon squeezing himself next to you on the bench, your eyes falling onto his absence of his badge above his breast pocket. 

“Name tag,” you reminded out of habit, seeing him glance down at his chest before fumbling in his pocket to pull out his name tag, pinning it onto his shirt with haste. 

“It’s next week,” he told you, “on a Friday,” he added as an afterthought. 

You nodded, “I don’t think I have anything planned that day, for now.” 

“Okay, great. Text you later,” he beamed, about to leave when you’d grabbed his wrist before he could. 

“Are you not eating?” 

Donghyuck paused to process what you were asking, momentarily thrown off by your hand on his forearm, not to mention the way he’d almost let his heart flutter at your concern, shaking his head a little belatedly. 

“No, yeah. I’m eating with the dnyl guys,” you nodded slowly, letting go of his arm before waving him off. 

“Bye,” he left quickly, strangely excited after receiving the news that you would be able to go for his match, especially since it was his final match for your national competition among the different schools. 

Jogging over to the empty classroom he’d opened for the dnyl club to meet, he’d barged into the class, shocking Renjun with his loud entrance. 

“Oh my God, I thought you were a teacher,” his hand flew to cover his chest where his heart was, glaring at Donghyuck. 

The boy remained unapologetic, taking a seat at one of the tables they’d pushed together to form a misshapen circle. 

Pulling his phone from his pocket, he’d set it on the table. 

“So, did you ask them about your match?” Jaemin asked, tearing open the packaging of his bun. 

“Yep,” Donghyuck smiled. 

“Are you referring to Y/N?” Jeno asked, setting his phone down when it was still open on one of his battleground rounds, his interests clearly not being in his match anymore. 

“Yeah,” Donghyuck murmured, reaching over to grab a bun from the bag on Jaemin’s table. 

“How’s things going with her?” Jeno continued, making Donghyuck shrug, suddenly focused on getting the packet of bread open, 

“What do you mean?” 

Donghyuck sighed, at the difficulty of tearing the packaging open or at the topic, he wasn’t too sure. 

“You know, didn’t you have this whole plan to win her over by your birthday?” Jaemin chimed in, sensing Jeno’s confusion. 

Renjun eyed Donghyuck carefully as he saw his phone light up with notifications, Donghyuck glancing at his phone briefly before looking away almost in disappointment. 

“Who’s texting you?” Renjun murmured, earning confused looks from Jeno and Jaemin for changing the topic so quickly. 

Donghyuck managed to tear an opening in the packet with his teeth, taking a bite out of his bun, “oh, this girl I met on Saturday that was helping out at the student council event.” 

“Oh, do you guys have to do like a project together or something?” Renjun asked, though he knew better than to think Donghyuck actually did things for the student council. 

Donghyuck shook his head. 

“Nope, we’re just like..talking. She’s pretty nice, and like, fun I guess. She’s pretty popular too” he shrugged. 

Jaemin’s mouth fell open, looking almost offended, “what about Y/N?” 

Donghyuck shrugged, “what about her?” 

Jeno gave Renjun a surprised look, the both of them glancing back at Jaemin quickly to see what Jaemin would respond with. 

The latter scoffed, not seeming to understand Donghyuck’s logic this time. 

“Oh, well, maybe because if I were you and I really liked someone, I wouldn’t be hitting on other girls?” 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. 

“I’m not...hitting on her, we’re just talking, that’s all there is to it.” 

Renjun let out a low whistle, the discomfort of the tension between Jaemin and Donghyuck feeling heavy in the room. 

“Whatever you say, man.” 

“Look, I do like Y/N. I really really do. But how am I supposed to know if things are gonna work in my favour in the end? I mean, I know I can try but, I’m putting myself up to get hurt too, you know?” 

Once again, Donghyuck proved that he was selfish, afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve like how Renjun did. Protecting it was first priority, especially when he still wasn’t clear on how you felt. 

Jeno pursed his lips, nodding slowly, huffing. 

“Well, I guess that’s what we’re here for. Think about it, you’re the only one out of the four of us that doesn’t have a girlfriend yet. If anything, our advice would be for your benefit, not the other way around.” 

Donghyuck wanted to groan. He wanted to believe them, he really did. But a part of him couldn’t shake the way even Hyunjin seemed to have more odds in winning you over than he did, the feeling of fighting a losing battle. 

But ultimately, Donghyuck nodded, dismissing the topic, “yeah, whatever. I don’t need love, right? That’s the whole reason Harvey made me join this stupid club anyway.” 

In other words, the only reason why Donghyuck joined the club was because he realised that seeing your stupid smile went from feeling familiar to feeling unfamiliar, and it was the kind of unfamiliar that Donghyuck knew was akin to the heart-pounding, time- slowing love that movie protagonists always went on about. 

And he figured he’d might as well surround himself with stories of unfortunate love lives, because he knew his was screwed. 

The boys exchanged knowing looks with each other, choosing to brush the topic off for Donghyuck’s sake. 

“So, how’s preparation for your match been going?” 

=== 

“I still can’t believe mom asked you to tag along,” you huffed, pushing the shopping cart with your body as you strolled past the cereal aisle, Jisung dumping several boxes into the cart. 

“Yeah, well, it’s not like I wanted to spend my night getting groceries with the both of you,” he glanced at the list on his phone your mom had sent him. 

Donghyuck was ahead of the both of you, looking at the party items in the other aisle. 

“Why’s he buying his birthday stuff so early, anyway?” Jisung asked, making you smile. 

“He’s excited. It’s best to leave him be.” You glanced down at Donghyuck’s phone, reading the list and checking off the items you already had. 

“How many people are you planning on hosting?” You called, getting Donghyuck’s attention successfully as you strolled over towards where he was in the supermarket. 

Donghyuck hummed, holding a long bag of plastic cups in his hand as he did his mental calculations. 

“Well, there’s the volleyball team, there’s some people from the student council, the guys and their girlfriends...some classmates—” 

You pulled out another bag of cups, handing it over to Donghyuck, “just get two to be safe.” 

“Does that mean I get to drink too?” Jisung asked, his eyebrows raising. 

You shot him a look, making him raise his hands in surrender.

“Forget I asked.” 

“So...if your volleyball team’s going, does that mean Hyunjin’s going too?” You asked, already anticipating Donghyuck’s reaction, not being able to help your giggle when you saw him look at you blankly. 

“If you keep this up, it’s gonna be the volleyball team minus Hyunjin.” 

You scoffed, “hey, I’ve gotta have something to look forward to, right?” 

Donghyuck pulled the end of the shopping cart towards another section, “is it not enough to look forward to the fact that it’s a celebration of my entering into this world?” 

Rolling your eyes, you looked back at the list of items on Donghyuck’s phone, about to retort with something witty when you saw an unfamiliar contact appear on the phone, frowning before reluctantly holding the phone out for Donghyuck to take. Mina? 

“Someone’s calling you,” you told him, Jisung bending over to read the contact name before giving you a confused look, expecting you to know who they were. 

There was a sinking feeling in you when you saw the way Donghyuck’s demeanour had changed upon reading the contact, taking the phone from you roughly and answering it, the tone of his ‘hello’ already making you question just who this person was that Donghyuck was so quick to answer. 

“Hey," he murmured, smiling at something whoever it was on the phone was saying to him. 

"Who is it?" Jisung whispered, making you shrug. 

"How would I know?" you shrugged, trying to listen in on the conversation but not being very successful. 

"Yeah, no I'm alright to talk," you heard him say, "nothing, I'm just out with my friends." 

You pretended to be occupied with the items in the shopping cart, oblivious to the way Jisung was eyeing the both of you. 

"Yeah, actually it's for my birthday party. Do you wanna come? It's on the 6th," he murmured, fiddling with the disposable plates he'd just picked up. 

Was he blushing? You couldn't believe the feelings of annoyance that were building in you at the sight of him. 

Since when was Lee Donghyuck so shy talking to his friends on the phone? 

You scoffed, getting Donghyuck's attention unintentionally, the boy looking at you expectantly. You chose to ignore his look, much to Jisung's shock. 

Jisung whipped his phone out discreetly, deciding that desperate times called for desperate measures. 

7:08pm -do u know anything abt this person called mina?- 

chenle 7:08pm -jeno says its the girl donghyuck's talking to- 

7:08pm -but doesnt he like y/n?- 

chenle 7:08pm -yeah he does but jeno says hes being a wuss... n personally i think y/n's in denial too- 

7:08pm - sure seems like it.. donghyuck's on a phonecall with her now n y/n looks more than pissed- 

chenle 7:09pm -maybe u shld ask y/n abt it later n see what she says- 

Shoving his phone back into his pocket, Jisung watched silently as Donghyuck ended his phone call, his smile lingering on his face a little too long for your liking. 

"Who was that?" you asked, hoping the edge in your voice wasn't too obvious. 

Unfortunately, it was, and Donghyuck couldn't help but let his smile grow at the thought of you possibly being jealous that he was talking to her.

"Oh, just this girl I've been talking to. Met her at the student council event that day." 

You scrunched up your nose, letting out a small sigh, "cool...so she's going for your party too?" 

Donghyuck narrowed his eyes at you, a small smirk playing at his lips. 

"Uh-huh. Why? Is there an issue?" he drawled, leaning over the side of the trolley to bring his face closer to yours. 

Yes, there was an issue. 

Although Donghyuck may be unapologetically selfish at times, you, for one, were not. You didn't think it was very supportive of you to be so possessive over Donghyuck. I mean, it's a good thing that he's meeting people, isn't it? It's not like we're dating, there's nothing to be jealous about. 

"No issue," you rolled your eyes, pushing the cart past him to head to the cashier. 

"What's up with her?" Donghyuck laughed, hoping Jisung would give him some insight on your feelings. 

Jisung gave Donghyuck a look of sheer disbelief. 

"What's up with you!" Jisung whispered harshly, confused as to what Donghyuck's intentions were. 

"Oh, so you're gonna shit on me for it too?" 

Jisung gave him a look, "not without reason.”

"Look, trust me. I got it covered. The last thing I would want is to fight with Y/N, alright?" 

Jisung glanced at you while you sulkily scanned your items at a self-checkout register, directing his gaze back to Donghyuck with a sigh. 

"I know, just....be careful." 

Later on that night, (or morning), Jisung had gone downstairs to grab a snack from the fridge, spotting you lounging on the sofa, practically glaring at the television. 

"What's up?" Jisung's voice snapped you out of your annoyed state, after being told that this Mina girl he was talking to was not only awfully pretty and sporty by your friends who knew her, but that her personality meshed well with Donghyuck's. 

"Nothing," you sighed, seeing Jisung raise his eyebrows, thinking back to what Chenle had told him and figuring now would be a good time to ask you. 

"Are you sure? You looked kind of upset since Donghyuck picked up that call." 

Your eyes widened, not realising your feelings had been so obvious. Shrugging, you'd fiddled with your phone. 

"What are you trying to say?" 

Jisung averted his gaze, sitting on the sofa next to you, hugging one of his knees to his chest. 

"Do you like Donghyuck?" 

You scoffed, almost choking on your saliva, looking at him with wide eyes. Opening your mouth, you closed it back again for lack of a good response. 

"'Cause....you know, it's kind of obvious that he likes you.”

You shook your head, huffing in amusement, "I don't know what you're talking about." 

"No, like really. The volleyball guys all think so, and so do his dnyl guys," you furrowed your eyebrows. 

"Volleyball guys? So Hyunjin knows this too?" you asked, wondering how ridiculous it would've seemed that you were so smiley towards him even when Donghyuck was right there. That is, if what Jisung was saying was correct. 

Jisung rolled his eyes. 

"Yes, I'm pretty sure he knows." 

You gasped lightly, "how many people even know about this? Okay, but, whatever that’s kind of beside the point. What makes you so sure?" 

Jisung contemplated telling you about just how much he mentions you or asks about you in their conversations, or how Donghyuck was visibly more affectionate whenever you were involved. Even how Donghyuck had been trying different ways to get your attention, particularly through inviting you to his games (but that didn't seem to be working out with how little you paid attention during the last one). 

Eventually, he figured it would be better if he didn't put ideas in your head, deeming it better that you figure it out on your own. 

"I'm just sure, okay? Maybe you should try just observing and seeing how much he does for you.” 

Jisung shrugged, getting up from the sofa, "maybe then you'll realise you like him too," he snickered, running up the stairs before you could respond. 

You rolled your eyes, going back to glaring at the television. Except this time, your gaze kept wandering to your phone. Curse Jisung for making you curious. 

Almost as if on cue, you’d received a text from Donghyuck. 

lee donghyuck 12:34am -u awake?- 

You had a few options in your head. Firstly, to ignore him and pretend you were asleep. Secondly, to reply him and bring up what Jisung had said as a joke. Thirdly, to just act like everything was normal yet not normal and that you weren’t totally scared that he was going to fall in love with Mina. 

The temptation to be selfish was there, of course, to just ignore the situation for the sake of your sanity and leave Donghyuck hanging. But you knew that your worry for him overrode all sorts of selfishness you could possibly give in to. 

For now, you’d chosen option three. 

12:35am -yeah, what’s up?- 

lee donghyuck 12:35am -can I call you?- 

You didn’t respond, choosing to find his contact on your own and dial his number. 

“Hey,” you sighed, hearing muffled sounds on his side before a small grunt and a thud, almost being able to picture Donghyuck

lying on his bed and talking to you, something about the mental image feeling endearing. 

“Hey.”

“What happened?” You asked, the question catching Donghyuck off-guard. 

Despite the countless number of times you’d called each other in the night like this, you’d never asked why, frankly not deeming it to be anything other than Donghyuck’s or your boredom. Only now, you were beginning to wonder if there were more to unfold behind these phone calls, and you were hoping Donghyuck would give you the answers. 

“Nothing, nothing happened, I just...like, you know...couldn’t sleep...and stuff.” 

You huffed, “you never sleep this early.” 

Donghyuck sighed, not knowing what came over him when he’d said his next words. 

“Do you want me to say I wanted to hear your voice for a while?” 

You fell silent, expecting to hear him follow up with a ‘kidding’ or a ‘because that isn’t why I called’, yourself growing anxious the more you didn’t hear anything else from him. 

Shifting on the sofa, you’d lay down and put Donghyuck on speaker, setting your phone next to your head. 

“Hello?” You heard him murmur, making you clear your throat. 

“Have you decided on what you wanted for your birthday?” You changed the subject quickly, trying to steady the beating of your heart. 

You heard him huff, his voice sounding tired.

“Yeah. I decided that...” Donghyuck caught himself before he could slip up like before, shaking his head quickly, “I want a plant.” 

Your eyebrows furrowed. 

“A plant?” 

“Yeah, like get me those, I don’t know like a plant I can take care of or something,” he panicked, “with a flower, like an orchid or something.” 

You frowned, nodding slowly as you tried to understand his sudden request. Meanwhile, Donghyuck couldn’t help the regret that washed over him that he’d wasted his birthday wish like that. 

“Okay, yeah. I’m feeling better now, goodnight.” 

Donghyuck hung up quickly, kicking his blanket in frustration, rolling over and burying his face into the pillow. 

Got it covered? Please. 

=== 

After much observation, you were starting to realise that Donghyuck meant many things to you, and you didn’t like how it took you a situation like this to figure it out. 

Firstly, with all his match preparations, Donghyuck was kept busy, but that didn’t mean that you wouldn’t receive all sorts of updates on him from Jisung at home. You were starting to wonder if he was a part of Donghyuck’s fan club as well. 

You were having your science lesson in the lab, Donghyuck being your lab partner (fortunately and unfortunately for you), the said boy looking more tired today than ever. 

“Are you alright? You look like shit,” you offered, pretending to be focused on removing your test tube from your beaker. 

“Feel like it too,” he brought his hand up to run it through his hair, “stayed up late last night to help Mina with this proposal she had to write up.” 

You scoffed, “you? Help her?” 

In your annoyance, you’d applied too much force on your tweezers, practically cutting your specimen before you could place it down. 

Donghyuck smiled, glancing at your annoyed expression after what happened to your leaf. 

“Yeah, what’s so shocking about that? I kind of owed her.” 

You stopped yourself from responding, deciding you shouldn’t be too bitter about their relationship. Shrugging, you shook your head in dismissal. 

“Nothing. I guess it’s nice that you guys can help each other out.” 

Donghyuck’s lips formed a surprised pout, his eyebrows raising slightly, not having expected you to be so gracious about it. 

“So, uh...have you told your grandma to postpone your visit?” He brought up later on when you were on your way back to class. 

You nodded, “yeah, I’m visiting her this weekend instead.” 

Donghyuck couldn’t help the smile from his face, looking elsewhere as he relished in the way the sun shone in through the corridors, the warmth mirroring what he’d felt building in his chest. 

“Nice.” 

You felt it too. The way his smile was like that of the sun rays he enjoyed so much, how it made you feel scared. Scared that you were so used to seeing him smile like that until now. 

You looked away quickly, hugging your books closer to your chest, accidentally brushing your finger against the paper, hissing when you’d felt a sting. 

Pulling your hand away from your books, you’d groaned at the sight of blood on your finger, making Donghyuck turn to you with wide eyes, his gaze falling onto your source of distress. 

The displeased sound that had left Donghyuck was even more obvious to you now, the way he’d gone to grab your wrist when you brought your hand to your mouth in your attempt to stop the bleeding. 

“You should be more careful,” he chided, making you nudge his arm away, his concern putting you on the spot even more now that you were getting confused over your feelings towards him. 

“It’s fine, it’s just a small paper cut.” 

Donghyuck furrowed his eyebrows, leading you back into the classroom and sitting you down on your seat, scuffling over to his desk and rummaging through his bag, pulling out a small pouch and making his way back to you. 

“I got these from Jaemin,” he grinned, squatting next to your desk as you turned to face him, watching closely as he pulled out a bright coloured, kid’s band-aid with Pororo the penguin printed on it. 

You lightly thumped him on the head, uncomfortable with the stares you were getting from the people sitting around you, wondering if they too thought that Donghyuck was interested in you. A part of you wishing now that Jisung hadn’t shed light on Donghyuck’s (possible) feelings for the sake of your sanity. 

“You’re being so dramatic, I don’t need a band-aid.” 

Donghyuck sucked in a sharp breath, his expression stern and unwavering, “shut up, just hold still.” 

He’d opened the band-aid, wrapping it carefully around your cut, leaning back with a satisfied smile to admire his handiwork. 

“All better,” he beamed. 

“Lee Donghyuck, please go back to your own seat,” you’d startled, your heartbeat audible in your ears, having barely noticed your teacher entering the classroom. 

Shoving Donghyuck away quickly and turning to face the front, your hands went up to press against your cheeks as Donghyuck calmly strolled back to his seat, giving your teacher a slow nod as he walked past her. 

Donghyuck had bid you goodbye before his training that day, telling you that he would call you that night because he had something to tell you. 

So you waited, you’d waited even though you knew that the volleyball team had gone out for drinks despite their game being the next day, running later than he’d estimated, and you waited until you ended up falling asleep with your phone in hand. 

Meanwhile, Donghyuck had gone home in a daze, partially giddy from excitement for his finals but also at the thought of what had happened earlier in the morning with you and your paper cut, not knowing that the small gesture was enough to send him reeling. 

Grabbing his volleyball, he’d flopped on his back onto his bed, tossing the volleyball in the air and catching it absently, thinking about what the volleyball team had brought up during dinner. 

“Y/N’s coming tomorrow for sure right?” Hyunjin had asked Jisung, a playful smirk on his face. This made Donghyuck narrow his eyes at Hyunjin, chewing on his noodles harshly. 

Jisung nodded, “yeah, I’m pretty sure.” 

“Why does it seem like her coming is so important to you?” Bomin laughed, making Donghyuck nod in agreement, nodding his head at Hyunjin in a challenging manner. 

“Isn’t it obvious? For Donghyuck’s sake,” Hyunjin smiled, his eyes forming small crescents as he did so. 

The sight would’ve been absolutely endearing for you, however, Donghyuck couldn’t help but scoff. 

“What do you mean ‘for my sake?’” Donghyuck huffed, narrowing his eyes at Jisung who had seemed to agree with Hyunjin as well. 

“You probably haven’t noticed, but...you play a lot better when she’s around.” 

Donghyuck sighed, laughing at the sheer absurdity of the situation. 

No amount of texts, calls or face-times with Mina would be enough to make Donghyuck change the way he felt about you, and it was a shame to him that he could only step out of his denial at this point of time. 

Yet, there was still a nagging fear of the possible awkwardness and tension that could arise if you didn’t reciprocate his feelings like how he assumed you did. A vicious cycle, really. 

Turning in his bed, he’d discarded the volleyball elsewhere in his room, taking his phone and unlocking it, his finger hovering over the phone app as he let his gaze fall on his wallpaper, the picture the both of you had taken on the day of his last match. The flowers were still on his tabletop, at this point, dried and ready to be displayed in his room however he wanted. 

Trying his luck, he’d called you, the ringing having woken you up from your slumber, picking up the phone call hurriedly. 

“Hello?” he huffed, already smiling without noticing. 

You hummed in response, too tired to form a coherent response. 

“Did I wake you?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

Donghyuck let out a small sigh, “sorry, just wanted to tell you to meet me tomorrow after my match ends.” 

You groaned, “you couldn’t have waited until tomorrow morning to tell me that?” 

Donghyuck had to stop himself from giggling at the sound of your voice, even if it was when you were annoyed at him. 

“No, I couldn’t. Goodnight,” he murmured, pulling his blanket up on his chest to hug it, closing his eyes in anticipation. 

“I hate you, goodnight.” 

Donghyuck shrugged, he figured he could live with that for now. His (rather irritable) lucky charm. 

=== 

You were running late. After Donghyuck had called the previous night, you struggled to fall back asleep due to your racing thoughts on possible things Donghyuck could have wanted to tell you. If anything, you’d probably only slept a few hours that night. 

Which was what landed you in this situation now, trying to get a cab from where you were at the bus terminal since you’d dozed off on the bus, even in spite of all the energetic music you were playing in your attempts to stay awake. 

Donghyuck should have seen it coming when you hadn’t answered his texts when he’d reached the venue. The match was already about to start and Donghyuck still couldn’t seem to spot you in the crowd. 

He’d stood up, looking frantically in the direction of where Chenle, Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin sat, mouthing with big movements, ‘where is y/n?’. A part of him growing even more anxious when he was met with shrugs and head shakes. 

“Lee Donghyuck, what are you doing? Go! The match is starting,” his coach’s voice rang in his ears, making him dismiss his feelings of anxiousness, trying to focus his thoughts on the game at hand. 

You were receiving many texts from the guys, all asking where you were, making you even more anxious that the cab driver wasn’t going any faster. 

As if that wasn’t bad enough, you’d met with bad traffic once you’d neared the venue, seeing as it was about time people were getting off work now, which only meant that you’d be close to missing the entirety of Donghyuck’s match, a horrible feeling of guilt stirring in you. 

You were sure Donghyuck would be mad at you, knowing how petty he was when it came to things like these. The last time you hadn’t been for his match, he’d never let you live it down, claiming he was so upset you hadn’t shown up and couldn’t focus on his playing properly. 

Little did you know, the same thing was happening now, Donghyuck was trying his best to not let his feelings interfere with his performance. 

After a particularly successful top-spin serve that had caught the other team off guard, since he’d usually played it safe, he’d turned on instinct to the direction his friends were seated at, expecting to see you there with a smile, his smile falling when he’d realised you still hadn’t arrived. 

You were barely reaching the venue when you’d gotten a text from Chenle. 

Chenle 6:11pm - are you still showing up? The match just ended - 

Looking out the window, your heart sank when you saw some people you recognised to be from your school walking on the pavement next to where you were, your attention diverted back to your phone when you heard another chime from your phone. 

Jisung 6:11pm -hey, where r u? Donghyuck said he’d wait for u at the back entrance. Me n the guys r leaving for dinner cause he told us to head over first- 

Your leg started to bounce in anxiousness once again, gritting your teeth before deciding that you couldn’t afford to waste any more time. 

“Uh, sir? I’ll just get off here,” you murmured, “can you unlock the doors, please?” You blurted. 

The man looked at you curiously, “are you sure? It’s quite a far walk.” 

“It’s alright! Thank you anyway,” you smiled politely, waiting for him to unlock the doors, immediately shoving the door open once he did and exiting, slinging your bag around your shoulder and running to the back entrance. 

Spotting him from afar, relief washed over you that he was still waiting. 

Running up to him, you almost hadn’t seen the girl standing in front of him, stopping yourself where you were, not wanting to interrupt them. 

Mina was currently standing in front of Donghyuck, asking him a question he frankly wasn’t paying attention to after having spotted you running from the entrance gate. 

“So....do you like me?” 

Donghyuck’s gaze was still on you, tearing his stare away from you reluctantly to look at Mina, his mouth moving before his head could process the situation. 

“Uhhh...yes?” 

Donghyuck immediately regretted his words, especially when he saw the smile Mina had given him, also because she didn't have to look twice to know he wasn't paying attention. 

Only when he'd agreed, Donghyuck knew that something about his decision didn't feel quite right, deciding that he'd explain his situation in more detail to Mina the next time they met so she wouldn't get the wrong idea. 

"So... I'll see you Saturday night then?" Donghyuck nodded. 

Bidding him goodbye, Mina had turned her head to look at you, bowing her head slightly in a greeting before walking off, leaving you standing there dumbfounded as Donghyuck made his way towards you. 

Glancing at the serious look he had on his face, you were expecting him to scold you, to tell you how upset he was that you hadn't shown up, not expecting him to give you a shy smile, bringing his hand up to smooth your hair down, after it having gotten dishevelled while you were running. 

"Was that Mina?" was all you could ask.

Donghyuck huffed, feigning hurt, "no ‘hello Donghyuck how was your match?’" 

"Hi," you added after his prompting, "what did uh..." your tongue wet your lips that were feeling awfully dry all of a sudden, "are you...mad at me?” 

Donghyuck shook his head, a small smile on his face, shocking you at how gracious he was being all of a sudden. 

“What did uh, you know, what did Mina ask you?” you cleared your throat. 

Donghyuck's hands were still cupping the sides of your head, "she asked me out." 

Your eyes widened, knowing his hands on your head hadn’t prevented you from hearing him loud and clear, a part of you dreading the answer to your next question but knowing you had to ask anyway, "did you say yes?" 

Donghyuck looked at you, taking the side of his lower lip between his teeth gently and letting go immediately after. Was he being selfish? 

Donghyuck nodded. 

His response seemed to have triggered a stream of thoughts in you, ranging from feeling sad to hating why you were sad at the news to desperately trying to suppress your emotions because Donghyuck was your friend and you should be happy for him, right? 

You pursed your lips, nodding slowly as you gave him a small smile, bringing your hands up to pull his hands off of your head. 

"That's great. I'm...really happy for you, she seems like a great girl." 

Donghyuck's eyebrows raised slightly, surprised at your reaction, having obviously expected you to react how you usually did, with passive aggressive comments and subtle hostility in your gaze. But none of that could be seen from you now, if anything, you looked almost....sad? 

"I think uh.. I'll skip out on dinner today, you and the guys can go ahead," you told him, "I kind of wanna go home and rest." 

Donghyuck nodded, not wanting to prod you more, a part of him feeling that you weren't in the mood for it today. 

He'd pulled his phone out while you walked to the front entrance, "I got you a driver, he's coming in 10." 

You heard your phone chime, taking it out to see the details of the driver Donghyuck had sent you. 

"How much do I owe you?" you asked, earning a disgruntled sound from him, shaking his head. 

"You don't owe me, consider it...compensation. For having to rush over here just now just to meet me." 

That reminded you.

"Right, I almost forgot. What was it you wanted to meet me to tell me?" 

Donghyuck swung his shoe bag, kicking the ground absently before he looked back at you, shaking his head with a small smile. 

"It's alright, forget about it," he waved you off in dismissal, "It's not important.”

You frowned. Not important? Lee Donghyuck, kept me worried all night just for something that's suddenly not important? 

You scoffed, folding your arms and looking elsewhere, your grip tight on your phone, making your knuckles almost turn white with how tight your hold was. 

"Go, you're gonna be late for the dinner," you told him, not being able to handle the sight of him with how mixed your feelings were. 

Donghyuck was hesitant, the slight raise of his eyebrows seeming almost disbelieving. 

"You sure?" 

You paused, not knowing why you even bothered giving this thought, decidedly nodding your head. 

"I'm sure." 

=== 

"Are you sure that's gonna work? Like....she won't be mad at you when she finds out or anything?" 

Donghyuck shrugged, sipping on his drink calmly. 

"Well, that's kind of the point. She wouldn't be getting mad unless she liked me," Donghyuck brought a finger to his temple, looking at Mina with a playful glint in his eye, internally claiming himself to be a genius for this idea. 

"So...your plan is to get her so mad that she confronts you?" 

Donghyuck nodded, grinning widely in the hopes that his optimism would convince Mina. 

Mina tilted her head hesitantly, looking down at her drink, "and you're sure this'll work." 

He nodded again, earning a resigned sigh from Mina. 

"Okay, fine. I'll do it. But only because you really like her, and I don't think I can handle seeing you silently pine over her any longer." 

Donghyuck's grin grew wider if that were even possible, clasping his hands together triumphantly, already feeling as though half of the battle was won. 

Pulling out his phone, he'd gone to his Instagram, because yes, Donghyuck wanted to make sure you would've seen it even when you were all the way at your grandma's house. 

Taking a picture of Mina and posting it, he'd chosen an intentionally ambiguous caption in the form of emojis just to push your buttons (knowing you would be frustrating yourself while trying to figure out what it means). 

"What's this?" Mina asked. 

Donghyuck wriggled happily in his seat, satisfied with his post once he was done, “phase one." 

And sure enough, Jisung never heard the end of your monologue called 'they should just get married while they’re at it but you know what I’ll just be happy for them: no big deal' 

=== 

After that day, you'd gone days without speaking to Donghyuck. And though that wasn't anything out of the ordinary, since your relationship was at a stage where you could go ages without seeing each other but still remain just as close, contacting each other often. 

However, this time it was different for you, knowing that the reason behind his packed schedule was his frequent meetups and study dates with Mina. 

As if Lee Donghyuck ever cared about studying. 

Donghyuck was currently laying on the floor of the school gym, having finished a particularly tiring training session with some of the guys from the volleyball team. 

“Are the rumours about you and that girl true?” Bomin asked, earning a loud groan of protest from Jisung. 

“Yeah, speaking of which,” he sat up from the floor with a grunt, his towel draped over his head as he pointed a finger at Donghyuck, “I’ve got a bone to pick with you. Are you dating Mina?” 

Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

“What if I said I was?”

Hyunjin frowned, his eyes narrowing in confusion, “didn’t you say you liked Y/N?” 

Donghyuck nodded, “I do.” He shrugged, fiddling with his shoelaces as his lower lip jut out in a pout unconsciously. 

“Then what’s going on with Mina?” Jisung’s tone was exasperated, not understanding how you could like someone as frustrating as Donghyuck. 

“It’s fake,” Donghyuck laughed, amused at how seriously everyone around him was acting, wondering if you were feeling equally as serious. 

Jisung fell silent, his mouth agape and his finger hanging in the air, not quite understanding the situation at hand. Hyunjin on the other hand, was quick to understand Donghyuck’s intentions, raising his eyebrows in surprise. 

“Is this to make her jealous?” He asked, earning a feigned look of uncertainty from Donghyuck. 

“Well, that’s the plan.” 

Jisung let his back fall back against the floor, kicking his legs and punching at the air with his arms as a sad whimper left his lips. 

“I hate you, Lee Donghyuck. I really do. It’s your fault I’ve been getting an earful from her recently,” he whined, getting up abruptly, draping his towel around his neck. 

Donghyuck’s eyes widened, “good. Hang in there a little more. It’ll be a matter of time before everything falls into place,” he reached over to pat Jisung on the shoulder, a sweet smile on his face. 

Hyunjin took his lower lip between his teeth, pursing his lips as he averted his gaze from Donghyuck, finally speaking. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” 

Donghyuck sighed, “You too? Just trust me, okay? I’ve known her for like...a long while now. And knowing her, she’d be crazy jealous if the guy she liked was doing this. And she wouldn’t be quiet about it either.” 

“You can’t just tell her you like her like a sensible person?” 

Donghyuck hummed, “I will, okay? Don’t worry about me, I’ve got it covered.” 

Jisung huffed, “yeah, right.” 

Sighing, Donghyuck had stood up, sighing as he bunched his towel up in his hands, beginning to walk over to his backpack. 

“I’ll be heading back now, gonna meet Mina to...discuss,” he waved, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and leisurely exiting the gym. 

9:48pm -hey, wanna come over to hang?- 

Donghyuck received your text while he was with Mina, hesitating before replying you. 

lee donghyuck 9:48pm -alright, you can pick ill be there soon- 

Figuring you shouldn’t jump to conclusions as to why he was still out even though Jisung had returned from the gym, you’d lounged on the couch, scrolling absently through social media while you waited for him to reply. 

Deciding to play some music while you waited, you’d begun to doze off when Donghyuck had arrived, the boy entering the house anxiously only to spot your head lolling around as you tried to fight your drowsiness. 

Walking over to where you were as carefully as he could, he leaned over, letting out a breathy giggle out of sheer affection, reaching out a hand slowly as he deliberated on whether he should wake you, feeling as though it would be selfish of him if he did just because he wanted to spend time with you. 

Unfortunately for him, Donghyuck had stepped on a pillow you'd pushed onto the floor previously, letting out a small yelp as he tried regaining his balance. 

You'd startled awake, looking up with wide-eyes at Donghyuck who had his hands stretched out beside him as he'd managed to stop himself from falling, looking at you with a sheepish smile. 

"Hey," he straightened up, his hands flopping down to his sides, letting out a small sigh. 

Funnily enough, it took you more than a few moments to realise you weren't dreaming. 

The sight of Donghyuck in his pyjama pants and a simple black t-shirt indicating that he’d showered before coming over, the way he’d smelled of his shampoo and looked ready for sleep had you in a daze, wondering how you’d let yourself get to the point where just looking at him was enough to send you spiralling with your thoughts. 

Shaking your head, you spoke, voice slightly hoarse, “sorry, kind of fell asleep while I was waiting," you brought your hands up to rub at your eyes with your palms, letting out a small yawn. 

Reaching over to grab your phone, you’d turned your music off as you regained your composure. 

Donghyuck took a seat next to you, shifting his body so he could face you more, one of his hands resting on the back of the sofa comfortably. 

“Are you tired? Do you want me to come over another time?” He murmured, earning a firm shake of the head from you. 

“It’s fine,” you dismissed the thought quickly, not adding the part where you had missed him. 

Donghyuck nodded, leaning back so his head was resting on the plush armrest of the sofa comfortably, reaching over for the remote control and turning the television on, turning on a movie the both of you had probably watched a million times but never gotten sick of. 

“Did you go anywhere before this? I was wondering what was taking you so long when Jisung came home earlier,” you mumbled out of curiosity, leaning back comfortably on the sofa in a position that mirrored Donghyuck’s, your legs bent at the knees and leant against the sofa next to his, which were stretched out fully. 

You’d felt one of his hands rest just above your knee comfortably, his thumb rubbing your leg gently. 

Donghyuck glanced briefly at you before directing his gaze back to the television, “oh, you know, just went to meet Mina for dinner.” 

You nodded slowly, a low hum leaving you, “oh...cool.” 

He seemed happy. You didn’t want to make him feel bad about being with Mina just because you had a problem with it. You’d never even thought much about him at first, it wouldn’t have been fair if you just claimed him as yours when he was already in a relationship with Mina, you figured. 

Donghyuck sighed, his hands stretching out in a force of habit gesture he would use to beckon you to cuddle with him, only now realising that that may not have been all that appropriate considering he was supposed to be pretending to date Mina. 

“That’s nice. I’m really happy for you that you found someone like her,” you mustered with a small smile on your face. 

You’d sensed his reservation too, feeling as though you were both being banished to either end of the sofa, not allowed to go any closer. 

Donghyuck frowned, your reaction seeming to have been unsatisfactory for him. 

“Really? You’re not like...mad or anything?” he prompted, making you laugh. 

“You sound like you want me to be mad,” you huffed, flustering Donghyuck into opening and closing his mouth, fumbling with his words. 

“I mean like, no, like, you are entitled to feeling however you want about it, like...” he stopped himself, “you’re really not mad?” 

You sighed, turning away from the television to look at Donghyuck, who was already looking at you bewildered. 

“Look, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t bothered by the fact that you’re a lot busier now, but what kind of friend would I be if I couldn’t even support you when you’re happy with her?” 

Donghyuck shut his lips tightly, not knowing how to react to your statement, wondering if he was wrong to assume that you had feelings for him. 

You hummed, letting your legs rest over his slightly as you turned your body to face the television. 

Donghyuck inhaled deeply, debating on whether or not now would be a good time to tell you, but knowing that it would put you in a tight spot since he hadn’t ended things with Mina yet. 

Today, Donghyuck figured he shouldn’t be selfish. 

Choosing not to pursue the topic more, Donghyuck had let you continue to watch the movie. Though as you did so, laughing and cooing at the happy and sad parts of the movie, Donghyuck couldn’t keep his gaze from wandering to you from time to time. As if it was second nature for him to gauge your reaction during the comedic parts just to make sure you were enjoying yourself. 

Or maybe, it was just an excuse to look at you, the line had blurred a long time ago for him. 

Only later on in the movie, Donghyuck couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander to how you felt towards his (fake) relationship, picking up his phone to distract himself only to see the many texts that had flooded in from the dnyl chat group. 

renjun 12:59am - donghyuck what is this about you and mina - 

jeno 12:59am – yeah! I heard from chenle abt it...- 

renjun 1:00am - I think this is possibly the worst idea you’ve ever had - 

jaemin 1:00am – I don’t want to lie to y/n >:( 1:00am – - im gonna tell Harvey -

jeno 1:02am – same! n btw chenle said she felt rly bad about missing ur match –

renjun 1:02am – jeno idk how that’s relevant but sure we’ll take it –

jaemin 1:03am – a part of me is kind of curious how this would play out at hyuck’s party though – 

jeno 1:03am - oh right, isn’t it this weekend? - 

renjun 1:03am - yeah it is - 

jeno 1:04 am – how are u guys getting there? are we helping Donghyuck set up? – 

jaemin 1:04am – I’m cool w that - 

Donghyuck typed out his reply discreetly enough without you noticing, too distracted by the movie. 

1:20am -trust me I have a plan- 

Setting his phone down on the coffee table, he’d looked at you, debating on whether or not to ask you what was weighing on his mind, catching him off guard when you had turned to look at him, eyebrows raising curiously. 

“What’s wrong? The movie’s over” 

Donghyuck paused, turning to realise that the movie was indeed over and he hadn’t paid attention at all for the last bit. 

“Nothing. I was like...was wondering if you were gonna come early this weekend to help me set up for the party.” 

You felt a tinge of disappointment, hoping it hadn’t shown too much in your expression as you gave him a delayed nod, letting out a small sigh that you masked to be because you were tired. 

“Yeah, of course,” you huffed. 

Donghyuck nodded, getting up abruptly, “I should probably be heading back now, you should get some rest.” 

You frowned, but nodded nonetheless, “okay,” you stood up, walking closely behind him. 

Donghyuck contemplated asking if he could stay over, almost forgetting his entire plan for a second (and then wondering if he even had a legitimate plan in the first place), his hesitation causing his body to function faster than he could process, turning around abruptly without warning. 

His sudden halt making you yelp, almost colliding into him and stopping yourself just in time, Donghyuck reacting quickly and reaching his hand out to grab your arm in an attempt to steady you. 

Something about the air had thickened with tension then. Donghyuck blamed it on his prior racing thoughts, because looking at you now, he definitely did not have a plan. 

You, on the other hand, blamed it on the way you weren’t even focused on the movie to begin with, too occupied with hating the feeling of pining after somebody that was already taken. But whatever it was, you knew that you didn’t have much of a plan either. 

This was too close. You should’ve stuck to whatever 2 metre radius you had on the sofa just now, because if you were already distracted by his presence then, it was definitely a lot worse now. 

You could smell the fabric softener of his shirt, feeling him squeeze your arm gently as you dared yourself to look up at him, your breath hitching at the way he was looking at you. 

Maybe you were just imagining things. 

Like how you were ‘imagining’ the way he seemed to be leaning closer to you, his gaze flickering between your features to ultimately end up on your lips, almost as if he was gravitating towards you. 

Donghyuck scoffed. The universe was basically begging me to kiss my close friend.

Just as you’d felt yourself leaning closer as well, you’d begun to process what was happening, stepping back quickly and averting your gaze, suddenly interested in what was in your kitchen. 

“I should go.”

You huffed nervously, “yeah, you should.” 

Donghyuck nodded, wordlessly leaving your house, shutting the door behind him as he left, the only sound left being the trailer for whatever movie was on the television sounding throughout your living room. 

=== You were sure this was going to be a very long day. 

You’d just bought your present for Donghyuck from the florist, packing it carefully in a nice bag before you headed over to his house, only to have arrived at Donghyuck’s house to see him and Mina busy with preparing snacks. 

You’d entered the kitchen to be met with a laughing Donghyuck and a squealing Mina, joking around as they prepared the various food and snacks. 

“Oh, hey, you’re here! Is that a gift? If it is you can put it up in Donghyuck’s room,” she smiled at you. 

You’d returned her smile out of politeness, ignoring the way Donghyuck was looking at you as though he was searching your face for any emotions that were out of the ordinary. You hoped you weren’t being too obvious with your forced smile, turning quickly so you could let your smile drop, wanting to roll your eyes. 

What was this? Their housewarming party? 

Huffing, you’d left the kitchen, meeting Hyunjin and Jisung on the way upstairs, Jisung nudging you as a greeting as he continued down the stairs. 

Hyunjin reacted quickly, calling out to Jisung, “hey, I’ll meet you downstairs later,” he called, turning around and accompanying you upstairs. 

“Hey, how’ve you been?” he asked, earning a shrug from you, opening the door to Donghyuck’s room as you took the plant out of the bag. 

“I’ve been good, I guess. You?” you spoke as you walked over to his balcony to place the small potted flower on the small table he had there, admiring the way it looked. 

“Uh... good too...I guess,” he huffed in amusement, bringing his hand up to the back of his neck, fiddling with his collar. 

Hyunjin figured he’d might as well try to distract you from paying too much attention to Donghyuck and Mina. 

“D’you wanna help Jisung and I with the decorations?” he offered, earning a nod from you. 

“Yeah, sure. Not like I have anything better to do here,” you shrugged, letting him lead you downstairs to the living room where you saw Jisung and Jeno sitting on the floor at the coffee table, focused on cutting something to decorate the makeshift backdrop Donghyuck had where the photos would be taken later on. 

“Where’s the rest?” Hyunjin asked, making Jisung and Jeno look up. 

Jeno gave you a smile in greeting, beckoning you over to sit with him.

“Jaemin and Renjun went to collect the balloons. Chenle....” he looked at Jisung in the hopes that he would know where his friend was. 

“In the kitchen spying on Donghyuck and Mina.” 

You scoffed, not being able to help the laugh from bubbling out of you. 

“He should leave them alone, wouldn’t want to spoil their alone time.” 

Hyunjin gave you a surprised look as Jisung scoffed, “please, as if they don’t get plenty of alone time as it is.” 

You’d made a displeased sound, knowing you agreed with him but not wanting to be sulky about it. 

“Yeah, well,” you’d cut a piece of tape to hand to Jeno, “It’s not like I can tell him who to spend his time with, can I?” 

Jeno perked up at the statement, “yes, you can. You totally can. You should definitely do that.” 

Assuming they were joking with how quick Hyunjin and Jisung were to agree, you’d let out a chuckle, shaking your head. 

“Y/N, can you follow me to go hang these up?” Hyunjin asked, holding up the many streamers he had hooked onto his fingers, earning a nod from you. 

Holding his arm out for you to take, you couldn’t help but wonder why you weren’t feeling as excited as you usually would be if a situation involved Hyunjin. Choosing to ponder over the thought, you followed him over to the backdrop setup. 

Sitting on the table where the cake was supposed to be, you’d pre-cut various pieces of tape, pasting them on your arm, holding it out for Hyunjin to access it more easily as he hung up the decorations, your gaze constantly wandering over to the kitchen where you could see Donghyuck whispering something to Mina, earning a giggle from her. 

“Does it bother you?”

Your attention was directed towards Hyunjin, making you frown. 

“Huh?” You did a once-over of the decorations, shaking your head, “nah, I think what you did was fine. Maybe move that one a little to the left.” 

Hyunjin burst into laughter, shocking you at the sudden outburst as he shook his head, speaking as he calmed down. 

“No, I was talking about those people in the kitchen,” he told you pointedly, making you look back at the kitchen to realise who he was referring to. 

You shrugged, letting out a sigh instead, unsure how to reply Hyunjin.

“I figured. You’d been staring at them ever since we came here.”

You scoffed. “I wasn’t!... okay maybe I was, but it doesn’t mean anything, I swear.” 

Hyunjin huffed, “I thought Jisung was a bad liar but... I’d say you’re a lot worse.” 

“Maybe it runs in the family,” you sighed. 

You’d averted your gaze quickly when you saw Donghyuck exiting the kitchen, making his way over to where you and Hyunjin were, your presence together with him clearly having struck a nerve with him. 

“Hey,” he murmured, standing next to where you sat on the table, so close that your legs were touching his hips. 

“Careful now, wouldn’t want your girlfriend getting jealous.” 

Only then did Donghyuck register your words, not having given it a single thought when he’d approached you, the only thing in his head having been to make sure Hyunjin wasn’t trying to hit on you. Little did he know, you wouldn’t have noticed even if he was, your head preoccupied with thoughts about Donghyuck. 

Taking the tiniest of steps away from you, he glanced over in Mina’s direction, seeing her prompt him to carry out what they’d discussed. 

“Not much of a girlfriend, if you asked me,” Donghyuck shrugged, making your eyebrows knit in confusion, a small pout appearing on your lips. 

“Really? Thought you guys seemed to be getting along pretty well,” you murmured. 

Hyunjin was trying his best to eavesdrop, taking particularly long to hang up each streamer. 

“That’s kind of the thing...” he began, your conversation interrupted when the doorbell rang, making him halt your conversation to go and answer the door, leaving you hanging. 

Hyunjin turned around, a scandalised look on his face. 

“What was that!” he whispered harshly. 

You handed him the last piece of tape on your arm with a wide-eyed look, shrugging, “beats me.” 

You’d seen Donghyuck walking back into the room, with Chenle, Jaemin and Renjun following behind him, before parting ways and walking over to where you and Hyunjin were, Jaemin and Renjun beginning to display the balloons. Or more accurately, Renjun displayed them while Jaemin gave him compliments. 

Jaemin stood next to where you sat, leaning on the table, his arms folded in front of him. 

“I trust their artistic direction,” he gestured to them, “the last time they did the banners for the school’s valentine’s day fair I ended up with a girlfriend.” 

Renjun scoffed, “speaking of which, where are they?”

Jaemin shook his head, “nope, couldn’t make it cause they’ve got some family dinner.” 

You nodded in understanding, seeming a little uninvested in the conversation, but Jaemin figured he knew why, being able to sense that you were a little preoccupied with your continuous glances cast towards Donghyuck and Mina’s direction. 

“Who knows, maybe their weird art magic will help you get a boyfriend too,” Jaemin nudged you. 

This had only caused your frown to deepen when you’d immediately visualised Donghyuck as your boyfriend, shaking your head in dismissal. 

Mina had noticed you staring, leaning over to Donghyuck, “I don’t think your plan is working very much.” 

Donghyuck sighed, “I know. I’m honestly close to giving up, but I just need a chance to talk to her alone later, I swear I’ll tell her everything then.” 

Mina narrowed her eyes at him, “okay. I’ll try to create an opportunity, but you’d better make sure you tell her. I can’t bear seeing her look so sad,” she scolded, mustering a smile before she’d left to talk to the other guests Donghyuck had invited. 

Soon enough (thankfully), the decorations were done and Donghyuck had started to play music in the house, bringing out the snacks and food for everyone to eat. You’d taken your seat next to Hyunjin and Jisung since Donghyuck seemed to be a little preoccupied with Mina. 

Which, of course, you had to lie to yourself again and say you didn’t mind. 

You were thankful for Hyunjin and Jisung’s presence, of course, since it had managed to distract you from being sad over seeing Donghyuck being happy with Mina and taking food for her or how she would brush his hair back for no reason and oh, how much you wished you were Mina. 

You were about a hundred percent sure you liked Donghyuck, in the least best-friend way possible. 

Somewhere along the way, when people had brought out the drinks and everyone had been lounging and using their phones for a while, you’d heard someone call for everyone to gather so you could play games. You figured you were up for it, since you were never one to refuse board games, so you didn’t mind when Donghyuck had brought out his ‘Jenga’ set. 

You decided to play in teams since there were so many of you, and you’d teamed up with Hyunjin since Chenle had teamed up with Jisung, while Jaemin preferred to be the (arguably unnecessary) ‘referee’. 

Somehow or another, you were stuck in a difficult position, having to bend your hand awkwardly to get the piece you had chosen out, and in trying to get into a favourable position, you’d somehow ended up having to squeeze yourself between where Donghyuck sat and the coffee table, trying not to let yourself lean against him. 

“Don’t choose that one, choose that one,” you’d almost jumped at his hand that had gone next to yours, grabbing your hand and directing it to the piece he was referring to, your breath hitching as he did so. 

Your heartbeat was beginning to pick up speed, as you tried your best to do so, unappreciative of the commentary Donghyuck was giving from behind you, even to the extent of leaning over so his head was mere inches away from your ear as he directed you calmly. 

It wasn’t as if you were the only one feeling tense, Donghyuck’s gesture had warranted many stares and wide eyes from the people in the circle, making you eager to get this over with.

Unable to take it, you’d barely moved the piece when you raised your hand abruptly, “Hyunjin, you do it. I can’t.” 

Donghyuck backed away quickly, raising an eyebrow at you as if he didn’t know why you’d given up, making Mina roll her eyes at Donghyuck, “now that’s just cheating,” she told him. 

Hyunjin had taken over for you, and for many more turns afterwards. You were thankful when Jisung had lost since you decided you had enough of this game. Proposing another game, you had hoped they had another board game prepared, since you were sure Donghyuck had more than a few in his storeroom. 

Unfortunately for you, they seemed to have other plans, with Mina (you were too distracted by what the game was to pay attention to who said it) proposing a game of ‘Truth or Dare’. 

As if you hadn’t been put on the spot enough today already. 

The first few questions were simple, typical of the game. Simple questions of this or that whenever people chose truth, everyone seeming too afraid to start choosing dare. 

Soon enough, it was Jaemin’s turn to ask a question, humming in thought as he scanned the circle. 

“I pick Hyunjin.” 

You weren’t paying much attention, glaring at the coffee table after you saw Donghyuck slinging his arm around Mina’s shoulder, letting her rest her head on his chest as if it was second nature to them. 

Hyunjin scoffed, “truth,” he answered without missing a beat. 

Jaemin stuck his tongue out at Hyunjin teasingly, “If you could date anyone in our school who would it be?” 

“Y/N?” Hyunjin answered, earning a glare from Donghyuck (and many low sounds of surprise from the rest). 

Donghyuck searched your gaze for a reaction, something stirring in him when he didn’t spot the look that he usually saw you wear whenever you saw Hyunjin. Strangely, this time you looked as though you didn’t care much for his answer. 

“Would you ask her out?” 

Donghyuck scoffed, standing up abruptly, making everyone’s heads turn to face him, amused at what would have triggered his outburst since he’d been so willingly upholding whatever happy-couple façade he had with Mina. 

“This game is boring. Let’s play something else,” he blurted, making you scoff. 

What was he doing getting so riled up over a question that wasn’t even for him? 

Donghyuck’s outburst had caused the crowd to dissipate, the boys gathering at the sofa to play video games on Donghyuck’s console, everybody seeming to have returned to their state before you started playing games. 

Mina nudged Donghyuck, “now’s your chance, go and talk to her. I’ll make sure no one interrupts you guys.” 

Donghyuck heaved a heavy sigh, nodding slowly, his confidence from before seeming to have returned as he stood up, making his way over to where you were, laughing at something Hyunjin had said. 

“Hey,” you heard Donghyuck’s voice, looking up to spot him standing with his hands shoved in his pockets, his body language a contrast to what he was feeling. 

“Hey?” you answered, unsure what he was approaching you so aggressively for, but slightly thankful that you were getting some sort of attention from him today. 

“Can we talk? Like..upstairs,” he gestured with his head in the direction of the stairs, making you nod slowly, growing nervous at his sudden request, your thoughts having immediately wandered back to what he’d said just now about Mina, wondering if that was what he’d wanted to talk to you about. 

Hyunjin gave you an encouraging nod, wanting you to go up with Donghyuck, prompting you to do so. Letting him lead you upstairs, you reminded yourself repeatedly to keep calm, that this was your close friend you were going to be talking to. Your close friend that had a girlfriend. Your close friend that you really really liked that had a girlfriend. 

Entering Donghyuck’s room, he shut the door behind you, walking over to the balcony, and leaning against the railing, shutting his eyes as the breeze grazed his cheeks, finding that he would much prefer your touch on his cheeks. 

“So, uh,” you began, “what did you wanna talk to me about?” 

“Don’t date Hyunjin.” 

You frowned, leaning with your back against the railing so you could look at him, your arms folded across your chest, “what?” 

“I don’t think he’d be a good match for you,” Donghyuck shrugged, going completely off course from how he’d initially planned on approaching the topic of his feelings. 

Scoffing, you glanced at the orchid flower sitting on his balcony table, rolling your shoulders back before speaking. Friendship, new beginnings, you remembered the florist telling you when you’d asked for what the flower symbolised. 

“That’s what you wanted to talk to me up here about?” 

“Well, no but—” 

“Since when did it matter to you?” 

Donghyuck looked down at the small view he had of the neighbourhood, his voice coming out firmly, “it always mattered to me. You just never noticed.” 

You weren’t sure what he was getting at. His words were doing nothing to help your feelings for him, if anything, it made you even more confused. 

“What if I was going to date Hyunjin? Does that mean you’d tell me I couldn’t?” 

“Are you going to date Hyunjin?”

“What does it matter to you if I date him? You’re already with Mina.”

Donghyuck scoffed, “It matters because I don’t like it.” 

You groaned in frustration, your hands going up to brush your hair back harshly, “so what? Just because you don’t like Hyunjin means that I have to give him up?” 

Donghyuck turned to you, nodding as if it was his legal right to dictate your love life. “Fine, so go downstairs and ask him out, then.” 

“I’m not doing that.” 

“Well, why not?” 

“Because I don’t wanna ask him out,” you shot back. 

“Then there shouldn’t be a problem with me telling you what I think, right?” 

You scoffed, not wanting to let him manipulate you into confessing your feelings for him. Blinded by frustration, you’d let yourself slip, “well if that’s the case then I can say that I don’t like you dating Mina either! Does it mean that you’re gonna break up with her?” 

“I will if you want me to.”

You fell silent at that, unsure how to interpret what he’d said. 

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to be, Donghyuck. I’m supposed to support you as your friend, and you’re supposed to support me. You look happy with Mina, so I’m supporting you. Shouldn’t you want me to be happy too?” 

Donghyuck narrowed his eyes at you, tipping his head back in frustration before he’d made his way in front of where you stood, his hands going on either side of the railing next to you, caging you on the spot. 

“Then can you say for yourself that you’d be happy dating Hyunjin?” You hesitated.

“... No,” you murmured, averting your gaze anywhere except for him. 

“Then who would you be happy with? Tell me, and I’ll tell you what I think.” 

“I don’t care what you think—” 

“Tell me who, Y/N.” 

You rolled your eyes, upset that he was putting you on the spot like this, deciding to look him in the eyes, despite the warmth you felt pricking at your eyes, “you’re being mean.” 

“Just tell me,” Donghyuck insisted. 

“Okay, fine. It’s you, okay? Are you happy now?” you scoffed, “look, you’re perfectly happy with Mina and as your friend I should respect that—” 

“We’re not just friends and you know it.”

Donghyuck groaned in frustration, his grip tightening on the railing as he kept his gaze on you. 

Just for a moment, Donghyuck had managed to make you forget about hesitating. The way he was looking at you, it’d almost made you believe that he wasn’t with Mina, that everything else could wait but in this moment, he’d wanted it to just be you and him. 

“That doesn’t make sense...” you murmured, though that hadn’t stopped you from staring at his face, trying to get a sensing of just what it was that he wanted from you. 

Donghyuck had a few options, to tell you now about the fake relationship and risk you getting mad at him. To stop himself and tell you about how he’d been planning on breaking up with Mina. 

But his last option, the most selfish of all, was to just let himself have this moment with you, and deal with the repercussions of it later on. 

Donghyuck chose to be selfish. 

Leaning closer to you, you’d found yourself looking up as well, his gaze replaced by a more determined, decisive one, as he glanced at your lips, inching closer so your lips were barely touching. 

Not being able to handle the tension any longer, you chose to be selfish too. 

Apologising to Mina in your head, you’d brought your hands up to cup his face, bringing him closer to you to meet your lips with his, hearing him sigh as he kissed you back. 

Donghyuck wasn’t sorry, not at all, especially when he’d removed his hands from the railing to grasp at your waist, his other hand moving from your waist to cup the side of your face, holding you firmly as if he was telling you that he wasn’t going to let go first. 

Coming to your senses, you’d stopped yourself just as he tried to deepen the kiss, pulling back breathless with your chest heaving, your hands dropping from his face as if they’d been burned. Donghyuck tore his gaze reluctantly from your lips, soft breaths leaving him as he bit his lip, trying to process what had happened. 

You shook your head, instantly feeling horrible that you’d kissed him but the worst part being that you knew you made the choice on your own. 

“I’m not supposed to be doing this with you. How could you let me do that, you have a girlfriend!” you gasped, your hands flying up to cover your mouth, staring at him scandalised. 

Donghyuck stood dumbfounded, “wait, let me explain. It’ll all make sense.”

You shook your head, pushing his arms off of you as you took a step back from him. 

“Settle your shit with Mina before you talk to me. You can’t just assume you can go behind her back like this and that we’ll both be okay with it,” you scoffed. 

“That’s not how it works. It’s not the same as saying you love both your mom and your dad. I need you to make a clear decision and not put me through this anymore,” you blurted, your words coming out a mile a minute with how flustered you were. 

“I’m sorry, I’m leaving. Happy birthday.” 

Donghyuck parted with the feeling of your hands cupping his face, now met with the cold breeze once again. 

=== 

It wasn’t as if you wouldn’t see Donghyuck in school. You did, except he hadn’t made a move to reach out to you first, since he figured you still needed some time to collect your thoughts. 

You’d only heard halfway through the week that he’d broken up with Mina (much to Jisung’s relief), though strangely, he didn’t seem very different to you. 

Not that your information gathered through furtive glances in his direction during lessons were of any indication. 

He’d surprised you on Friday morning, when you’d been freezing in the classroom because your school sweater was still in the wash, looking stupid as the only student that hadn’t brought a worn the sweater. 

Only upon returning after a trip to the washroom in between lessons to try to warm up your body with a walk, you’d spotted the presence of a school sweater on your desk, and the lack thereof on Donghyuck, who fiddled with his tie nonchalantly, supporting his head on his arm which was on his desk. 

Lifting the sweater, you were about to hang it on your chair, stubbornly not wanting to give him the satisfaction of you putting it on, only to reveal the big scrawl on your notebook that you could only identify as Donghyuck’s handwriting, reading : ‘don’t be stubborn and wear it. You’ll freeze if you don’t’. 

Huffing, you’d reluctantly put on the sweater, your fingers grazing lightly over the small student council pin near the collar, not wanting to make it too obvious that the comfort and warmth of the sweater was absolutely needed, simply looking down at your notebook and flipping the page. 

You’d stayed behind in school that day to get some work done in the library, not expecting to have spotted Jisung and Chenle there, the group approaching you to greet you. 

Chenle’s eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“I’m guessing you and Donghyuck have made up already? God, it was so hard keeping all that fake relationship nonsense he had with Mina a secret from you—” Chenle stopped himself once he saw your expression, instantly regretting opening his mouth. 

“I’m sorry, his what?”

Chenle directed his gaze elsewhere, shrugging, nudging Jisung with his foot in his panic, making Jisung shrug, “uh..what? I didn’t hear anything, did you?” 

“Where is he now?” you spoke, not sure whether you were happy or angry that the situation turned out this way. All you knew was that you needed to see Donghyuck and give him a piece of your mind. 

“He’s uh...he’s in the council room with the dnyl guys.” 

You stood up, gathering your things quickly and bidding Jisung and Chenle goodbye, Chenle pulling out his phone to text Donghyuck. 

chenle 7:19pm -y/n just found out n shes super mad at you prepare yourself- 

Donghyuck had pulled his phone out, not being able to help the giddy feeling in him from arising.

“Why? What’s got you looking so happy?” Renjun asked. 

“Y/N found out.” 

Renjun frowned, not knowing how Donghyuck could be so happy about his impending scolding, leaning over to Jaemin and Jeno to murmur, “I think he’s lost it.” 

You weren’t even sure what you’d wanted to tell him as you were storming towards the council room. I mean, you knew you needed to confront him, yet you couldn’t quite phrase your words in your head, all of them seeming to do no justice to your true thoughts and emotions. 

But before you knew it, you were already in front of the council room door, with no prepared speech whatsoever, shoving the door open and glaring at a smiling Donghyuck. 

“Lee Donghyuck, we need to talk. Now.” 

You’d left the room, waiting impatiently until the doors opened again, Donghyuck walking out calmly, his hands in his pockets like before. 

“Hey,” he breathed. 

“Hey? Hey? You lie to me about something so big and kiss me to confuse me and now all you can say is hey?” you scoffed, hating the way he was smiling at you because whatever it was, it was making it harder for you to stay mad at him. 

Donghyuck didn’t care, he was happy. He didn’t care if you were mad at him, or if you were gonna nag him until your voice went hoarse. He didn’t care about whatever you could possibly throw at him because he was so happy that you were finally telling him truthfully about all the emotions you were feeling. 

“You’re wearing my sweater,” he pointed out calmly, as if you hadn’t just showed up to the council room fuming. 

You flushed, trying to ignore the way you’d felt somewhat shy under his gaze, choosing to cover it up for the sake of your pride. 

“I didn’t come here to play spot the difference, Donghyuck.” 

Donghyuck let out an amused huff, “I know. Look, I’m sorry I lied to you,” he said, letting out a breathy laugh. “My initial plan was to just make you so jealous that you would crack and admit your feelings for me. But that didn’t seem to be working very well.” 

You scoffed, “oh, it worked. It worked very well. I was so jealous I couldn’t even think straight. I should’ve known it was fake, this is so like you.” 

“Well then why didn’t you show it?” he pouted. 

You gave him a look of disbelief, “because that was how much I liked you! I didn’t want you to feel bad just because you liked someone that wasn’t me. I’ll have you know, I was trying very hard to be supportive.” 

He grinned, his hands coming out of his pockets to fold his arms across his chest calmly, scrunching his nose up cutely. 

“I know, Jisung told me.”

You rolled your eyes. The anger you were feeling from before dying down, now being overtaken by the giddiness from the thought that this meant that Donghyuck reciprocated your feelings, and there was essentially nothing stopping the both of you from pursuing these feelings. 

Donghyuck gave you a soft smile, stepping forward to wrap his arms around you, resting his chin comfortably on your shoulder, “are you still mad?” 

“You’re really manipulative, you know that? It’s so hard for me to stay mad at you.” Donghyuck laughed, his hands rubbing your back soothingly, “good.” 

“Now...because the last one didn’t end very well, can I have a second try?” Donghyuck pulled away from you, his hands on your shoulders as he leant back to gauge your expression. 

“At what?”

“Trust me, close your eyes.” 

You frowned at him, but obliged, not being able to hide your smile when you’d felt his hand cup the side of your neck, instantly knowing what he was about to do, feeling the confirmation of his lips press against yours not long after. 

Watching from the inside of the room, Jaemin let out a relieved sigh. “Awfully dysfunctional dynamic, but I’m glad it worked out for them.” 

Jeno hummed in agreement, “maybe Jaemin was right about your weird art magic, Renjun.” 

Jaemin scoffed, “of course I’m right,” he let out a gasp, “wait...but doesn’t that mean we won’t necessarily be needing the club anymore? Since all of us are kind of...you know, taken?” 

“I vote we keep the club,” Jeno suggested, earning a low impressed sound from Renjun.

“Thought you were the one that said this club was stupid, huh?” 

Jeno shrugged, “guess Harvey was right...about what exactly, I’m not very sure but just...right.” 

“Speaking of Harvey, we should probably tell him about this...development.” 

Donghyuck pulled away from you, burying his head in your shoulder shyly, “I don’t think this is appropriate to be doing on school grounds.” 

“Oh so now you want to be a rule-abiding council member?” Donghyuck huffed, maybe being selfish wasn’t such a bad thing after all, especially when it came to you. 

Donghyuck scrunched up his nose, letting out a thoughtful hum, “... on second thought, maybe we should head out of school so we can continue this in peace.” 

[meggtheegg]

Bucky

bucky my beloved 🥺

favorite thing about them

honestly, just how truly good he is. there's a lot of talk about the incorruptible pure pureness that is steve rogers, but bucky has been dealt the shittiest hand, like honestly he's endured several supervillains worth of origin stories and yet, he doesn't for a moment consider going in that direction. you could say he chooses to be good in spite of it all, but i don't think it's even a choice, because he doesn't consider anything else to be an option. it's just who he is, and it's something that, in order to temporarily change, hydra had to take him and his free will out of the equation, entirely, and even then, he managed to break free and fight back. he always rolls with the punches and then gets up and keeps going, and i feel like that part of his characterization is often overlooked between all the angst/tragedy and the shadows of steve and sam, who just happen to be two of the most overtly good characters in the mcu, if not in modern media. but there's a reason that both of them end up with bucky as their best friend. the guy may have gotten grumpy in his old age, but that core goodness is still there, and it's very telling that all of the villains in tfatws jump directly to appealing to that goodness, rather than the seemingly obvious (to an outsider) decision to use his past against him. (i know karli references it, but when it comes to direct action, her instinct is to "give him someone to rescue")

least favorite thing about them

this is less about him as a character and more about the way he's used, but i feel like the movies, especially since civil war, have used him almost entirely as motivation for steve, rather than a character in his own right. even after tfatws, it feels like there is so much that's gone unexplored, even though his story is, in my opinion, one of the most interesting in the entire mcu. tfatws was, ultimately, sam's story, and i wouldn't want that any other way, but i'm still waiting for something to give us character development and a plotline for bucky that doesn't happen 1: offscreen or 2: in the shadow of another character's arc.

favorite line

it would be very easy to go with either "who the hell is bucky?" or "i'm with you to the end of the line, pal," but those are very predictable, so probably:

Sam: Why didn’t you use the metal arm? Bucky: Well… I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m...right-handed...

i know it's a really simple line that doesn't carry a ton of weight, but it perfectly encapsulates who bucky is. his existence as an enhanced super-soldier isn't really at the front of his mind, because he didn't choose to be that way. when he's allowed to just relax and exist, he does so as a normal guy, and he still jumps to using his dominant hand when it comes to fixing the boat, because of course he does

brOTP

i would honestly love to see him building a friendship/sibling-relationship with wanda. i could just see them so easily sliding into those roles, him stepping in for the brother she lost and her taking the place of the sisters that lived and died while he was hydra's prisoner. both of them have been through so much trauma, both of them have relied on steve to deal with that trauma, at some point or another, and both are grappling with how much of themselves they still are, in the wake of gaining powers they didn't necessarily ask for similarly, marvel, please let this man become a mentor to peter parker instead of dr. strange. peter needs someone who can relate to him, not just another tony stark, and who better than another naïve kid from new york who got dragged into a fight way bigger than himself and is now dealing with overwhelming, crushing guilt and responsibility that he's too good to neglect but that he never asked for, in a world where most superheroes had the privilege of choosing to become that way??? like honestly it's such an obvious match, and with bucky's history with tony and howard, he could give peter some much-needed insight, while peter could give him equally-needed closure.

OTP

never did i expect to want sambucky to be a thing, but i desperately want it to be a thing. it just feels right?? like he fits so naturally into the wilson family, and while i'd be happy to see him with sarah, he and sam have such natural chemistry and pairing two natural caretakers together would mean lots of support for two characters who desperately need it. also, he just...looks at sam with such love in his eyes that my mom thought they were going to become a couple, and she is very much in the "two men should be allowed to just be friends" camp.

nOTP

bucky/tony. hate it. hate it so much. burn it with fire. these men do not like each other and their one meaningful interaction has been one repeatedly trying to...blast the other's head off. it's a nope from me.

random headcanon

honestly this is borderline canon, but this man is a nerd. he is a geek. a dork, if you will. he spent his childhood with his nose in a book, and would have gone to college (and a good one, too) to study some difficult subject and make a name for himself in some intellectual field, if steve's mom hadn't passed away that year. he was stuck with the opposite of steve's problem; rather than wanting to fight and physically being unable to, bucky was in peak physical condition and therefore expected to be tough and aggressive, when he'd much rather just use his head to get out of tough situations

unpopular opinion

while stucky sort of plays out like a grand romance and some of the fanfics are basically masterpieces, i'm really glad it didn't go canon and am honestly,,,,kind of glad for bucky's sake that steve is out of the picture??? bc as much as i love him, their relationship, especially towards the end, had a pretty serious power imbalance that was never really addressed. bucky would have let himself disappear in order to do whatever steve needed him to, basing his entire self-image and level of self-worth on steve's feelings about him. he and sam (whether their relationship is platonic or romantic) are much more like equals, and honestly more like pre-war bucky and steve, willing to poke fun at each other and have disagreements, because they deeply respect each other as full people, not idealized versions of someone who doesn't exist anymore. meanwhile, post ws bucky and steve often ranged anywhere from a hero/sidekick dynamic to a hero/damsel-in-distress one, and neither are particularly healthy for very long, no matter how much they love each other.

song i associate with them

known and loved - blue light bandits, joel ansett

favorite picture of them

nothing beats Cool Uncle BuckyTM

[kirishwima]

How about childhood-friends-to-lovers for V and Jumin? like they were super tight but then MC had to move away and then years later she joins RFA?

i’ve been saving this one for when i’d have the time to sit down and think of a nice story for them bc it’s such a great idea!! i hope you’ll like it :D since you mention a female MC, I’ll use she/her pronouns for this headcanons!

JUMIN:

* It was actually really funny how she met him-MC was at some boring party with her mom, wearing a fancy dress that made her back itchy, her hair tied into a braid that she wanted nothing more than to tug at and free this tension from her hair.

* Apparently some big-shot doctor was hosting a dinner party and invited MC’s family, as well as some other friends who all had children, and figured the kids could meet and become friends too.

* Well, MC didn’t want to be friends with these kids. They’re all big bullies and laughed at her dress the moment they saw her, so with a huff, she stormed out of the room, unnoticed by her mother as she was deep in a conversation with a group of flashy-looking adults, heading to the big gardens of the house they’d been invited to.

* There was a little artificial pond at the edge of the property, and MC could already see the koi fish swimming lazily in the water, their bright colours illuminated by soft warm lit lamps placed along the edges of the water.

* She also noticed something else-a small figure, right about her size, a boy with a black bob of hair whose back was turned to her.

* She didn’t mean to scare them-she simply was curious as to who this could be, and their hair, the closer she came to the kid the softer and nicer their hair looked, and she simply wanted to feel them for herself!

* Yet the moment she put her hand near the kid’s back, they flinched, taking notice of her presence and in their shock, moving away and falling straight into the pond.

* In an attempt to grab onto something and avoid falling, they grabbed onto the hem of MC’s dress, tugging her right along and into the cold pond water.

* She fell in with a splash, lucky that the water barely reached her knees-her dress however was soaked, her hair falling in front of her face as they’d come loose from her braid in the struggle.

* Yet none of that mattered. Not when she saw a pair of curious black eyes staring right at her, so big, so bright, it was like the moon itself came down and put the night sky into a pair of eyes.

* It was a boy, seemingly about her age, the one she’d tried to ruffle their hair. He was just as soaking wet as her, his shirt and tie a wet mess, his hair dripping droplets of dark pond water as he poked at it with a frown. He kept staring at MC, his frown deepening.

* “Didn’t adults tell you it’s rude to creep up on others?” he asked with a huff. MC gasped-why was this boy so rude?! 

* “Didn’t they tell you it’s not nice to tug at a girls’ dress?” she snapped back, crossing her arms over her chest.

* The boy rolled his eyes with a huff. Seriously, just what was his problem? “You were rude first.”

* MC frowned. Even though his words were rude, she just couldn’t bring herself to be truly mad at him. Instead she got up, pulling her dress into a crumpled heap to drain the water off of it. 

* The boy stuttered as she did, covering his eyes with his palms. “What are you doing?! You can’t just lift your dress up like that-put it back down!!” he yelled, his eyes tightly shut.

* MC snorted, dropping her dress back in place as she drained the final drops of water from it. She extended a hand to the boy with a lazy smirk. “You’re the one that tugged at it first. Anyway, it’s down now. You can look!”

* The boy hesitantly did, peeking between his fingers first before noticing her extended hand towards him, as he still sat in the dirty water.

* “I’m [insert name here]. It’s rude to talk for so long and not tell each other our names right?” she smiled deviously, and for a quick moment-the boy returned her smile, gone in an instant as his lips settled into a well-practiced thin line. He took a hold of her hand, tugging himself up from the water.

* “I’m Jumin Han, but you can call me Jumin” he started. For a moment he looked away sheepishly, tugging wet locks of hair away from his face. “...I’m sorry for dragging you into the water.”

* MC smiled. He was weird, definitely, and rude, but not like the other kids-he wasn’t mean to her, didn’t bully her about how she looked or acted-he was simply odd, unaccostumed maybe to interacting with people his age the way he did. “It’s okay Jumin, I’m sorry for scaring you. Your hair looked really fluffy and I tried to touch it, but I should’ve asked first.”

* “Oh” he said, blinking slow as he digested this new information. In turn, he extended a hand to MC, helping her out of the pond and onto solid ground, their clothes and hair still dripping wet, cooling by the evening summer air. “You can...you can touch it if you want. Although it’s not that soft” he shrugged.

* MC was flabbergasted. He’d let her touch his hair? Just like that?! She was so excited! With slow shaky movements, she raised her hand, approaching Jumin’s face-he expectantly let his eyes fall shut, his lashed posing dark shadows on his pink cheeks...

*...Yet before she could touch his hair, a scream interrupted them both, the sound of fast approaching footsteps seperating the two.

* “MC! What have you done, why are you all wet-oh no, why is Mr. Han’s son also like that?! What did you do to him?”

* MC immediatly noticed the change in Jumin’s expression as he saw her mom approaching them, a man who MC could only assume is Jumin’s dad quickly approaching. His face turned cold, so different from the soft blush and gentle expression he posed just moments ago-this was practiced, effortless as he shifted into an adult-like expression, softly bowing his head towards her mom.

* “I’m sorry ma’am, I fell into the pond and accidenatnly dragged your daughter along with me. I didn’t mean to and I take full responsibility.”

* MC wanted to argue, to say no! It was her fault, he shouldn’t be taking the blame for her, but one look from Jumin shushsed her-instead she bit her lip and nodded, guilt pooling quickly in her stomach. 

* It took little time for the adults to seperate them, her mom dragging her back indoors as she looked for their coats so they could go home and have her take a warm shower, as Jumin’s dad took a hold of Jumin’s hand, pullling him to the opossite direction and towards a waiting limousine at the gates of the house.

* They lost contact for a while-MC desperately tried to get her mom to take her along to every party she’d go to, hoping that Jumin would be there to so she could talk to him, thank him for covering for her, apologise for letting him take the blame-but her mom kept refusing, saying that these weren’t parties for kids to go to.

* Eventually though they met again-not by coincidence, no. None other than Mr. Han himself called her mom, saying that his son wouldn’t stop talking about the girl he fell in the pond with at that party, and how he wants to meet her again so he can apologise properly.

* “My, what good manners this boy has!” MC’s mother stated as she drove them to the meeting place, a fancy cafe upstate, but MC simply rolled her eyes, hiding her smile beneath her palm-she knew better. Jumin was just smart, not polite.

* When they met again, Jumin looked more poised, more refined-he was wearing a shirt and tie again, and even little dress pants, his hands resting in his pockets as he stood from their table to greet MC when she came through the cafe’s doors, his hair back to its proper fluffy state of being-MC wasted no time. She immediatly dashed to Jumin, tugging him in a hug as tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

* “Jumin I’m so sorry I didn’t speak up last time, it was so unfair-I’m sorry!” she mumbled into his shoulder-Jumin was shocked, his hands hovering over MC’s back before he gingerly put them on her back, giving her a quick pat. 

* “I-It’s okay. Please let go of me?”

* She did with a sniffle, giggling when she took note of his reddened face, how he tried to play it cool by running a hand through his hair-a trick he definitely leanrt by watching TV actors do.

* This was how the two became fast friends-Jumin was hesitant at first, because even at that age, he associated women with something evil, devious-he didn’t believe that he could come to like spending time with any girl, and definitlely he’d never like them how his dad likes them-but MC was different. She was fierce but gentle, and she didn’t make him feel like any other girl did.

* Eventually the two drifted apart-not by choice, not really. Jumin’s dad’s company was exponentially growing, and he had to move away to a different city for his dads buisness.

* Before he left he met up with MC one last time, tried to calmly explain the situation to her. He couldn’t bear to see her tear-stained face as he told her he was moving, nor how she tried to hide her sobs beneath her palms. He had no right to do what he did next, but he knew he might never see her again-so he did it.

* He tugget her hands away from her face, gulping his embarassment down as he leaned close and kissed her.

* “This-this is my first kiss” he aditter to a visibly shocked MC, “and now you have it. So-so even if I go away, you now will always have something of mine. The next time I see you, you’ll have to give it back okay?!”

* And so the years passed. The little kids became adults, Jumin becme the head of C&R, and MC followed her own path-and yet by fate she’s here again, meeting Jumin in the RFA messenger, shocked at how her childhood friend, her first love grew into this man she sees before her.

* She wondered if Jumin remembered her-tried to hint at who she was in the messenger.

* He didn’t really know it was MC until the day she went to his penthouse-the moment he opened the door, the moment he saw her face-he knew exactly who she was. 

* They stared at one another for a long time, before Jumin smiled softly, taking a hold of her cheeks between his hands. He looked to her,  leaning close, his smirk evident in his voice.

* “I believe you owe me something? I don’t forget debts you know.”

* MC could do nothing else but laugh as she threw his hands around him, kissing him fiercly, finally returning what she owed him.

V/JIHYUN:

* How the two met as kids was actually lost to time.

* Their mothers were close friends, so her life always felt intertwined with Jihyun’s-MC remembers her mother’s visits to their house, how Jihyun would dash to the house’s front door whenever MC and her mom would arrive, tugging at his mom’s skirt and pointing to MC as she walked down from the gate to their front door.

* He’d greet her with such enthusiasm everytime they met, she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to ever match it. He’d dash down the front porch, nearly tripping on the steps as he opened his arms wide to crash into her with a bone-breakingly tight hug, giggling beside her ear with glee that his beloved friend was here.

* They didn’t meet all that often, since Jihyun’s parents were seperated-he would honestly mainly stay with his mom when he knew MC would be coming over-but when they did they’d spend hours playing house together-she actually met Jumin too, one day when he visited Jihyun’s house whilst she was there, and dragged him along to play with them, despite his initial apprehension towards MC.

* Jihyun was always so sweet and patient with her-he was a few years older than MC was, so he took the role of the older one very seriously. He was the one who helped her learn how to ride a bicycle, lending her his own so she could learn. He was there when she fell and scraped her knee, her prince in shining armour-he leaned down on one knee as she stood there crying, cleaning her wound like his own mom taught him how, putting a rainbow band-aid on top, then giving her knee a kiss. “This will make it all better!” he said with a toothy smile, and MC believed him-how could she not? His eyes could never bear a lie in them, never.

* When his mother passed away, she was there at the funeral along with her family. She saw Jihyun standing there, looking down at the casket, holding back tears as he bit his lips tight, the first time she’d ever seen him this vulnerable-she immediatly broke away from her mother’s grip on her hand and dashed across the church’s courtyard and over to Jihyun, grabbing his face between her hands and staring firmly at his face, trying her best to hold her own tears back.

* “If you feel something, don’t try and push it away! If you want to cry, cry. It’s okay” she said with resolution, and in all honesty, Jihyun was past his breaking point-those words were more than enough to make his tears fall freely, his teeth chattering as he tried to swallow his sobs, and MC was there the whole way through-hugging him tight, letting her shoulder muffle his cries.

* After the funeral they drifted apart-Jihyun’s dad moved the two away, leaving MC behind. It hurt, knowing that it wasn’t only the miles between them that’d be growing, but their hearts too-after his mom’s passing Jihyun became distant, colder. He refused to talk about the incident that took his mom’s life, and if MC tried prodding, to help him understand his feelings, he’d push her away-the last time they met actually resulted in a fight.

* He visited MC’s house to let her know he’s moving, his face stoic, his gaze avoiding her face. She was shocked, her lips shaking as she prodded him for more details-where are you going? For how long? When will you be back?

* She tried to tug his shoulder, to make her look at him, but he moved a step back, his face seeming hurt almost-did he want to distance himself that badly? 

* “Jihyun-” she started, unable to hide her tears, “please stop being so mean to yourself-this isn’t what your mom would want!”

* At that Jihyun broke. His face a mix of hurt and anger, feelings he’d been bottling up breaking loose. “How would you know what my mom would want? Or what I want? You don’t know anything! Stop acting like you do!”

* His words took a vice grip around MC’s heart, shattering it to pieces.

* She couldn’t hide her tears at that, bringing her hands up to her face to wipe them away best as she could. It broke Jihyun to see her this way, to know he caused this-he made to reach out to her, to bring his hand to her face and comfort her, but he immediatly dropped it-he didn’t deserve to comfort her, not when he was the reason she was crying.

* He left silently, shutting the door behind him with a soft click. And just like that, Jihyun was gone from her life.

* When MC entered the RFA chatroom, she didn’t immediatly recognise V as Jihyun-the way he talked felt familiar, how he carried himself, something she couldn’t place. 

* She didn’t realise until she also saw Jumin in the chatroom and greeted him excitedly, asking how he’s been. When she asked how Jihyun was, Jumin had to explain that V was, in fact, Jihyun.

*MC was floored. In her time away from him, he’d gone through this much? Getting engaged, losing his fiancee, becoming the leader of this organisation?

* Jihyun soon also found out who MC is after contacting Seven and asking for the information he gathered on her from his background check-one look at her photo and he immediatly knew who this was. 

* He felt his stomach drop, his lungs fill with ice-cold fear as scenarios ran through his head. Why? Why MC? What was Rika doing?! Did she know how MC was linked to him?!

* He wasted no time in rushing to MC, knocking on the door of Rika’s apartment panting as he ran up the stairs.

* MC opened the door and there he was-her first heartbreak, in the flesh, his eyes wide, teary as he took her in, how she changed, how she looked to him with confusion and excitement and-and adoration.

* He wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder as he took her in, she was here, he could feel her warmth, her scent-feelings he forgot, made himself to forget bursting in his chest, his own Pandora’s box snapping open.

* “I-I owe you an apology” he admitted after a moment, refusing to let go of MC-afraid that if he did she’d slip right through his fingers.

* MC simply shook her head, interlocking her fingers with Jihyun’s.

* “No V, no you don’t. I’ve forgiven you long, long ago.”

I got way too carried away with this and finding a way to work V’s story was hard, but boy was it fun :’) Hope you like it~ I’d happily write this into a fic tbh lol

-send me a scenario/headcanon for mystic messenger characters to react to!-

[enragedbisexual]

how wonderful life is while you’re in the world

carolmaria; angsty bc of some misunderstandings n shit but it ends on a good note i promise <3

also on ao3

The pain, Maria remembered, had once felt as heavy as the boxes they had carried into their first apartment, as sharp as her ex girlfriend’s wit. She remembered it being so overwhelming, so suffocating. That’s what it would have been like for me out there, Maria often thinks, now. Suffocating.

“Out there,” was Maria’s two syllable euphemism for a one syllable word that terrified her: space. Space—the infinite, alien world where Carol had been, while Maria was at home, lost and bitter and angry. And achingly alone.

She didn’t feel any resentment or anger of any kind when it came to Carol; she never could. And besides, in this case, she certainly didn’t have a reason to. Whatever Maria had been feeling all those years, whatever seemingly impossible struggles she went through, she knew Carol couldn’t have been doing much better. Part of Maria was grateful she didn’t know where Carol was that whole time, or what she had been doing, because if she had, god knows how much worse life would’ve been. It wouldn’t have only been her pain, it would’ve been Carol’s too. If she had known Carol was out there, somewhere, not with her? That they were both alone? It would’ve been unbearable.

When Carol came back, though, Maria went through everything all over again. Except this time, it was—notably—worse.

It didn’t start out that way, of course. For a few, fleeting seconds, in fact, it was the complete opposite. It was euphoria.

When Maria saw Carol again, after six years—six years of hoping and wishing and giving up and inevitably starting all over again—an inexplicable sensation had whirled through her entire being. The feeling was something that, to this day, Maria struggles to truly characterize or express. The only thing that even comes close to the way she felt on that day, is the way she felt on another, very different day, in the summer of 1984.

That summer was vibrant, it was electrifying; it was karaoke nights that rescued them from distant, trepidatious days. And it had been on a particularly loud, dizzy night, after a particularly long and weary day, that Carol had kissed Maria for the first time. It was that feeling, multiplied by a thousand. A million, even. That was what went rushing through her veins when Carol came back.

“Aunty Carol? Mom! It’s Aunty Carol!”

Monica’s words felt cruel, at first, like the universe didn’t think Maria had suffered enough. But then Maria turned around, and she looked at Carol with her own eyes. Carol held her gaze, and suddenly Maria was the one who wasn’t really there. She was in the bathroom of a bar and she was nineteen and it was the end of July, and she had her eyes closed and her back against the door and Carol’s hand on her waist. That was the feeling.

Just as soon as it had been given, the feeling was taken away. It disappeared bluntly, eerily reminiscent of the way Carol had disappeared six years ago.

“I’m not really who you think I am.”

“Cruel,” at that point, was an understatement. A pitiful attempt to explain the sense of loss Maria felt, grasping at words that weren’t there, because of course they couldn’t be there, because god why would anyone create a word for a feeling no one should ever have to feel?

Maria asked herself that over and over. She was riddled with guilt, and she hated herself, and the world, and she couldn’t make sense of anything. To feel something other than bliss or gratitude when your person comes back from the dead—it felt like she was committing an act of treason against every god there’s ever been.

But Maria couldn’t help her devastation. Carol was back, yes. She was on Earth and she was alive, but she didn’t remember anything. The only person Maria had ever been in love with didn’t even know who she was, let alone reciprocate the sentiment. Maria was technically truthful from the start; she did tell Carol that they were best friends, after all. She never lied, she just ... omitted some major details. What else was she supposed to do?

Hey I know you just got back to Earth and you’re pretty shaken up considering the whole you-don’t-remember-ninety-percent-of-your-life thing and also you can shoot blasts of energy from your hands now, but we were actually supposed to get married, so, is that still on the table?

Please! Maria could never bring herself to say something like that, not even after Fury and the Skrulls, when life was back to some semblance of normalcy. This would take time. It was still too much to come to terms with.

-----

Today, though, a little over a year after Carol saved the Skrulls, Maria was doing just that. She was past “coming to terms” and on her way to healing, actually. She knew Carol had been finding pieces of herself everyday (small pieces, but they fit just the same), and Maria couldn’t have been happier for her.

Be that as it may, she wasn’t holding out hope for a miracle, anymore. One day, she and Carol had been looking at old photos, which they did all the time. It seemed to bring Carol real comfort, and Maria wanted her to feel safe. Glancing at a photo of the two of them in uniform, making silly faces at the camera, something in Carol’s eyes had flickered—a spark Maria had desperately hoped meant I remember, I’m yours.

It didn’t. But instead of letting her spirit crumble, (like the Jenga towers they and Monica were always building too high), Maria forced herself to stop feeling so hopeless. It sounds insane, even as she thinks back now, but she managed to heal her deepest wounds in a short few days.

All it took, truly, was a serious shift in her perspective. She had been feeling so cheated, like the universe didn’t care about her at all. She felt like she had been cosmically cursed, and she would get so angry. Plenty of days, she wouldn’t sleep at all, plagued by nightmares made up of her own memories. Maria was so focused on everything she didn’t—or couldn’t—ever have again, that she was so wildly unaware of the gifts she had been given.

At the end of the day, Maria decided, she was just happy, and lucky, to know Carol. She was lucky to have Carol in her life again. Any and everything she might have beyond that was a blessing.

And she did have a lot, in fact. They didn’t kiss, or make love, or fall asleep together every night. But they were incredibly close, Monica included; they were a family, if an unconventional one. Maria can’t count the number of times she’s fallen asleep with Monica’s head in her lap and Carol’s on her shoulder, or the nights Carol has come into her room shaken by a nightmare, and Maria has held her close and stroked her hair and whispered reassurances until her friend fell back asleep.

When you fall in love with someone, and they never hurt you—things end on good terms, or maybe you never even got together in the first place—when you fall in love like that, it’s so hard to fall out. In the back of your mind, they’ll always be there, hanging around and showing up in your daydreams when you least expect it.

You might move on, you might “get over” them, in theory, but in practice? If they showed up and asked to be yours, would you say yes?

See, after some serious, and, yes—tearful—ruminating, Maria knew the answer. She knew it would never change. But she also decided she didn’t need everything. She didn’t need for them to be in love, whatever that even meant, and she didn’t want to waste her time on this Earth full of sad feelings. She wanted happy feelings, and she had them.

Forgive me for being a living cliche, Maria had pleaded jokingly, and to no one in particular, but this is more than enough.

As for Carol, she had been getting little pieces of her memory back: a fuzzy vignette of a family road trip she took as a kid, blurry frames of the day she first learned how to ride a bike ...

... A vision of two hands shaking as they interlaced their fingers, a flash of skin on skin and a fire in her stomach whenever she lay next to Maria for too long, a jolt of energy as her lips pressed someone else’s to the offbeat of loud karaoke in a dark bathroom stall.

Okay, she hadn’t told anyone—she hadn’t told Maria—about those last three pieces.

First of all, Carol couldn’t even be sure of what was happening in her own mind. She obviously didn’t trust herself, or her memories, because she knew they had been toyed with before. And although it was, admittedly, a bit of a stretch to think that would be happening to her again, it felt more like leaps and bounds to think that she and Maria had been .... something.

So, she presumed, the former it must be, then.

Carol shoved all her soft-edged pieces—a label designated for those memories which focused on the two of them—down and away from the big picture. They didn’t fit.

Well, she wasn’t sure if they did. She hasn’t asked Maria about it. She was far, far too terrified.

-----

Maria had been getting the strangest sense from Carol over the past few weeks. She wanted to ask her what was going on, but she didn’t want to make Carol feel bad or uncomfortable. Maria knew it wasn’t right, or reasonable, to think of Carol as being so fragile. She was one of the strongest beings in the entire universe; she could handle a question. Or two.

Monica was at school, and Carol and Maria were sitting on the couch—close enough to touch but decidedly, not—watching reruns of Charlie’s Angels. An especially irritating commercial interrupted their viewing, leading Carol to quickly press MUTE on the remote.

For a second, Maria was grateful. After all, they had seen this guy drone on about Chevy’s plethora of meaningless awards at least ten times over the past 24 hours alone, and it was annoying. Except, now, the room was unnervingly quiet, save for a faint, steady buzz coming from their refrigerator in the other room. Under different circumstances, Maria wouldn’t be bothered at all by this sort of silence. She and Carol were perfectly capable of coping with lapses in conversation; in fact, they enjoyed it. At this exact moment in time, however, the lack of chit-chat was making both of them unusually anxious.

They knew they needed to talk about the way things had been recently. Maria noticed Carol had been keeping more and more to herself, holding her breath whenever Maria got too close. For weeks, Maria had been dying to bring it up, always on the verge of unlocking whatever kept her from saying the things she was thinking, yet always swallowing the key in favor of swallowing her pride.

Now, it’s been unlocked. And there’s no going back, Maria concluded.

“Carol, is everything okay?” Maria asked. She tried to be nonchalant about it, but you could tell it was anything other than a casual question.

Carol didn’t turn to face her, like Maria had expected. She kept her eyes on the television, the bright whites and blues of a new commercial flashing across her face in the dim light.

“Yeah? Everything’s okay.” Carol made eye contact, now. “Why? Are you okay?”

The first yeah wasn’t a lack of conviction on Carol’s part. On the contrary, actually. She seemed confident, like she only made her voice go up in that inquisitive manner in order to ensure that her puzzlement with Maria's inquiry was properly expressed.

“I’m okay,” Maria said slowly, without breaking eye contact. A split second passed, and it was long enough for Maria to change her mind.

Quickly, Maria admitted, “I’m sort of confused, to tell you the truth. Did I do something wrong? I feel like, lately, you’ve been acting like, I’m a ticking time bomb or something. I don’t know, I’m sorry, I’m probably just being-“

“No, no it’s okay,” Carol interrupted. She was looking at Maria, but Maria was looking away, as if she could literally see the words she didn’t get to say hanging in the air.

“Hey,” Carol said, her voice more insistent this time. “Look at me, it’s okay.” Maria looked, her face a picture of relief and confusion. Carol was smiling softly at her.

When Maria didn’t ask anything else, Carol knew she had to be the one to clear the air, even if she had approximately zero idea what to say.

Carol plopped her hands down onto her jeans, over the top of her thigh, and audibly took in a breath. Her eyes, like her hands, were on the tattered blue denim she was wearing. She moved her hands up and down her thighs nervously until she stopped at the place she had began, shrugged her shoulders up awkwardly, and then exhaled as she closed her eyes and let the muscles of her upper body fall back into a relaxed position. Her head was still pointed towards their carpeted living room floor.

Maria, chewing her lip in an attempt to tame the beast that was her anticipation, watched as Carol opened her eyes and turned to face her.

As soon as their eyes were locked, Carol started, “I’ve kind of been keeping something from you.” She felt the guilt and the worry start to bubble up in her stomach. “I’m really sorry.”

Maria didn’t seem shaken. Carol didn’t know what to make of that.

Maria just sort of nodded, ever so slightly, and Carol realized this might be more of a monologue situation than she had originally anticipated.

Nevertheless, she continued, “You know how I’ve been remembering stuff, here and there, and how we always talk about the stuff I remember? Well, I ... well. There’s just some memories, or something, that I’m not so sure about? I mean, I’m sure I’m having them, like, I’m definitely seeing everything, I just don’t know if they’re mine.”

Maria looked horrified. “You think someone got inside—is, inside—your head again?”

“I don’t know,” Carol said. She felt so awful, making Maria worry like this. She had to come out with it.

“No, I don’t think so,” Carol confessed defeatedly, heaving a sigh. “I’m just making excuses, I guess. I’m scared, Maria. Promise you’ll tell me the truth?”

“The truth about what? I would never lie to you. You know that. And you’re scaring me. What’s going on?” Maria grazed the top of Carol’s hand with the tips of her fingers as she asked that last question, and Carol’s hand sprang up from the couch, startling them both.

“Oh god, I’m sorry, I don’t know—I don’t know why I did that,” Carol explained hurriedly, trailing off at the end of her sentence. Maria just stared.

“Look, I-I’ve been having these memories. Of us? Not how we are now but like, us, Maria. Do you know what I’m talking about?”

If the silence had been a grey cloud before, it was a full blown thunderstorm now.

The look on Maria’s face was the same look she wore the day Carol arrived in their little suburbia. Carol didn’t know if that was a good thing. She wanted it to be. She really, really wanted it to be.

Practically whispering, Maria leaned closer and said, “I ... can you—can you tell me more?”

Carol swallowed against the lump in her throat.

“Yeah, yeah, yes,” she assured. “Okay. Um, there’s a few. Sometimes, I see two hands trying to hold onto each other. They’re both reaching, and shaking, and then they intertwine their fingers ... I wasn’t sure what to think of that one. I thought to myself, well that could be anyone. But, that’s not true.” Carol delivered those details without facing Maria directly. Her eyes were staring off into space, like she was here, with Maria, but she was also somewhere else.

“I know what my own hand looks like,” Carol explained, “I know what yours looks like. I don’t know. I’m just afraid, I guess. I don’t know what to believe.” She looked a bit ashamed. “No, I’m-I’m afraid to believe. I’m afraid.”

Maria lifted her hand off the sofa and reached up to press it against Carol’s left cheek, staying there for a moment, and then gently moving Carol’s face towards her own.

“You don’t have to be afraid, Carol. I promise. Just take a breath, yeah?” Carol nodded, and visibly took the advice. “What else have you been seeing?”

Carol began, “I see flashes of something, um.” She felt herself blushing, and she knew Maria would notice. It only made her skin hotter.

“Yeah?” Maria encouraged her to continue.

“You know how you said you’ve been feeling like, well, that I've been making you feel like, a ‘ticking time bomb?’ I think-“

“I’m sorry,” Maria cut her off. “I’m sorry I said that, I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty-“

Carol didn’t let her finish. “No, no it’s okay. That’s not what—no. It’s okay.” She beamed at Maria, hoping to hammer home the statement, which was one hundred percent genuine.

Then, she continued, “It’s just, I’ve been seeing us in bed. Together.” She sighed, and looked at Maria.

“We’re not—in the memories we’re not—we aren’t ... sleeping.”

By now, the tension was mounting, although it wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable. It just felt like a precursor to something inevitable, something important. Maria did have a bit of a knowing smile on her face, but she also looked hesitant, like she desperately wanted to do something and at the very same time was petrified by what that something might be.

Well, love conquers fear, as they say.

While their gazes were both locked onto each other, Maria leaned in and kissed Carol, quite quickly, on the mouth.

It seemed as though the act was over in less than an instant, and yet every instant they had left on this Earth had now been forever changed. The trajectory of their lives was finally back on track.

Apparently, Carol didn’t exactly appreciate the moment being so brief. She kissed Maria again, and unlike her friend, she didn’t show much restraint. Her hands were in Maria’s hair in less time than it had taken her to mute that commercial, and Maria had her knuckle in the loop of Carol’s blue jeans.

Between kisses, Carol mumbled something along the lines of, “Hey, this is just like that night at the karaoke bar.”

Maria pulled back instantly, her eyes wide.

“You remember that?” Maria asked, her voice full of wonder and awe.

Carol grinned. “Yeah, babe. It’s been the only show on the Carol Danvers channel,” she said, tapping her index finger against her temple, “for, like, the past month.”

Immediately, the room was filled with the sound of Maria’s laughter, then Carol’s too, and, eventually, another silence.

This silence wasn’t intimidating. It wasn’t a storm, no. It was the clouds slowly dissipating, the way they do right before the sun comes back out to say hello.

Both of their eyes were sparkling, their faces glowing and their hair lightly tousled. They looked like they could’ve been in a commercial themselves: “couple waking up and drinking coffee together in their pajamas,” or something.

It was Maria who spoke first.

“So,” she began “we’re ... us, again?”

Carol let the question bounce around in her mind for a few moments.

“I can’t believe we ever stopped being us, Maria. Let’s not let it happen again, okay? You’re my person. Always.”

Carol laced their fingers together. Another memory come true.

“If I remember correctly, we have one more memory to relive, don’t we?” Maria teased.

With a disapproving click of her tongue, Carol replied, “Rambeau, always with your mind in the gutter.”

Maria rolled her eyes.

“Okay okay!” Carol said, “I’m just kidding. Come here, my love.”

Maria was smiling so wide her cheeks hurt, and at any other moment with anyone else in the world, she would’ve been thinking about something incredibly ridiculous, like whether or not her smile made her look unattractive. Right now, here, with the girl she's loved since she was nineteen? She couldn’t have cared less.

[toneelspeelster]

portraying trauma, a skam and remakes comparison

disclaimer: i’ll start this by saying this meta will be critical of the way wtfock portrayed their version of a traumatic experience (the gay bashing). if you do not want to engage with criticism on this, i’d advise you not to read. this will also discuss only a few versions (skam, druck, skam nl and wtfock) in particular because i didn’t want to make it too long and because i feel these versions deal with trauma in an interesting way. 

common reactions

in any case, i’d like to start with common reactions after experiencing a traumatic event, be it a sexual assault, emotional assault, physical assault etc.

1. anxiety and fear 2. re-experiencing of the trauma. 3. increased vigilance 4. avoidance 5. anger 6. guilt/shame 7. grief/depression 8. self image and view of the world is negative, trust is difficult. 9. difficulty with sexual relationships 10. substance abuse (i’d include negative coping mechanisms here too).  source

now, i mention this not because i think every remake hits these but rather because i want people to see what commonly happens after traumatic events to people and how wtfock in one instance (robbe/sander) misses the mark completely while in another (zoe) it actually sort of works. and how other remakes have dealt with the subject matter. 

first off: skam

to start with even’s traumatic experience and his response. i’m starting with even mostly because it’s the original series, not necessarily bc i think it’s the most elegant portrayal (bc it’s definitely not). but in essence, what it does show is the effect of a traumatic event in the long run. even’s experience at bakka, where he kissed one of his friends he had a crush on; who rejected him; even being in a manic episode; resulting in a suicide attempt and his self inforced isolation from his best friends by going to another school and ignoring their messages - it’s touched upon in his initial season but expanded in season 4. and still at least one year later, still even freezes up in fear immediately after seeing his friends. even is incredibly anxious; it’s clear he’s recalling past memories he’s been trying to avoid for forever; he feels immensely guilty (he wants to see elias, he really does, he just doesn’t know how) and even though i think even’s self image is not necessarily the result of this experience, it does have an even more negative effect on his self-image. even has difficulties liking himself, seeing worth in himself, even in season 4. after reconciling w him (however that even went we don’t know) he appears in one of their vlogs and still you can see how uncomfortable it makes him to talk about it. but, this is what it ends on: you see the strength of even reaching out to those he loves and for them being able to reach out to him too. in the end, it’s healing. it is discussed throughout the season.

 then, numbers two: druck and skam nl

i’m combining these two in one entry bc i feel like these two portrayals deal with the repercussions of traumatic experiences to the life of these two very well. 

first off, we have david, who came out as transgender at a previous school and was met with intense transphobic reactions; deadnaming, invasive personal questions and just generally awful treatment by people - it resulted in david feeling very unsafe, difficulties sleeping and hiding and running away in the hopes of avoiding these situations. it affects his world view of the world as unkind, and him forcing himself to be okay with being alone bc the only one he trusts is himself. he doesn’t let people too close (wanting to stay anonymous) and when matteo breaks up with sarah he runs bc matteo is getting too close. and then, it happens again. he’s outed on social media in his new school, having difficulties even doing his exams bc his teacher is being a transphobic dick and he’s scared of both him and the kids at school. he then, after staying with his godmother, hides himself away at an unsafe, abandoned pool and even staying there for a night. 

then, we have liv. earlier in her life, she’s implied to have had an eating disorder - a traumatic experience in itself. and although she seems very aware of her needing to be careful not to fall into those patterns again, it unfortunately does come to the front again when faced with the fact that she’s been sexually assaulted in her sleep and it’s been filmed without consent. as an eating disorder survivor, i’d say her body is already something she might have difficulties with. to combine that with sexual assault.. it results in liv isolating herself at home, resorting to doing her white(!) laundry multiple times in one week and her stress baking cookies only for her to give them to her roommates. her mum even asks her if she’s eating well - for a mother who seems emotionally and physically distant otherwise, liv must’ve not sounded well. even when she seems a little bit better, engel still comes over to check up on liv and cook for her. engel has similar ed experiences so she knows it’s not something that’s just gone one second to the next. 

these portrayals work well bc it is clear that their experiences have become a detriment to their view of the world and result in them resorting to very unhealthy coping mechanisms. they both clearly feel the loss of control, the triggering of (past) experiences; the avoidance and the isolation. liv feels immense shame, david feels immense anger and fear - they both have difficulties trusting people, even the ones they care about the most. 

but, in the end? 

david does let matteo subtly know where he is, bc he knows matteo will see him and find him. matteo calls him even out on it: you are not a damned vampire who needs to hide away, he says - something that david didn’t even see about himself until matteo told him. he finds support in matteo and all of his friends and his sister. he doesn’t need to be alone anymore. 

and liv? she tells her friends about her troubles eventually, and they support her wholeheartedly, telling her it’s not her fault and flashing boobs while doing so. liv finds the strength to confront her attacker and blackmailing him, and eventually her boyfriend tells her she needs to go to the police to report his brother. 

these are both david’s season-long storyline and liv’s multiple episode storyline (all her clips for the first week after her experience focus solely on this). it’s healing to see this happen to survivors of these experiences. 

as a ender: wtfock

i think it’s important to establish first that this is first and foremost about robbe/sander’s gay bashing. robbe and sander have been dating approximately three days when they are violently and verbally assaulted and seemingly left for dead in antwerp’s streets. the next episode makes a point of robbe and sander being hurt badly with bruises and cuts and black eyes, robbe doesn’t sleep much and is irritated quickly and sander has a very weird reaction to violence in general and doesn’t want to go to the police. later, robbe is scared that sander was put off by the idea of going to the police, that he felt forced. within that same first episode, robbe tells milan the true story and zoe a little off story and they react sympathetically, zoe even offering her doctor. robbe’s mum’s psych also refers him to a therapist and he calls her. 

but then the storyline, after episode 6? it ends? milan seems to weirdly reference it sometimes but it doesn’t come to any conclusion in the end. after reconciling sander and robbe have no trouble kissing in front of everyone. there’s no sense of robbe or sander having internalised a different world view after this experience. they even never discuss it ever again after that first week. robbe going to a therapist is not even shown or referenced at all, even with the opportunity being there with social media updates. there’s no real repercussions, except for loss of sleep and sander maybe sort of seeing it as a way of destroying something time and again but that’s more his world view bc of his mental illness i’d say. it’s a storyline for one episode, that’s it. and with how irresponsibly they portrayed it by not immediately showing them being alright or together or taken care off but waiting hours for an update, it triggered a hella lot of audience members instead. as a bisexual woman myself, i felt scared watching that. 

zoe’s storyline of having to testify even got more of an appropriate portrayal as she’s scared to testify and also feels pushed by the people who love her the most (milan and senne). her breaking up w senne feels more an actual genuine decision bc of messed up feelings about the whole situation (senne being quite... aggressive with how he approaches her about it sometimes.. it felt like he wanted it for himself mostly, not for her). her not being able to sleep and feeling exhausted, months after the actual traumatic experience happened. it has an effect on her and how she responds and how she makes decisions.

conclusion

experiences like these have repercussions. but apparently in belgium only sexual assault results in trauma. gay bashing doesn’t. it had no true purpose except to educate straight people about the plight of lgbt people being attacked violently. but, as people far more eloquent than i have said, why? homophobes will not watch this series and suddenly turn around. and the world is damned if people just don’t realise that beating up people is bad and shouldn’t happen. 

the true purpose of skam is to teach people of all kinds, and to show people of a certain minority, community or with same/different life experiences that there is hope, and a lot more to them than just what they have experienced. now even the good portrayals could have all benefitted from telling the audience that it’s good and okay to go to therapy about this... but at least they didn’t shy away from a storyline that shows how deep this runs for people. they devoted time to it.

and that’s all wtfock really needed to do if wanting to make a point by including this. they didn’t. it’s sensational fodder at best. and i think that the characters as well as the audience?

they deserved better than that.