#bored of the rings

[shadow-manor]

I know that I'm older than most of the Tumblr cohort, but I'm just curious how many others were permanently altered by Bored of the Rings. Occasionally I think, "'Menthol, Menthol, you are one wazoo. One day I'm the elf next door and then poof I'm a river. You stink.' And the wind answers, 'Phooey.'"

[anotheruserwithnoname]

Book series that would make good movies/TV shows if done properly

With all this talk about Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones and now Harry Potter being remade for TV, there are a number of popular book series that I am surprised no one has (by now) done a proper film or TV series about. Here are a few that I think are overdue for adaptation on screen. Spoiler break here as this will be a bit long:

(n.b. all cover scans are from my collection)

1. Honor Harrington

This post was inspired by the fact David Weber’s military SF series Honor Harrington - which traces the career and exploits of the titular character - turns 30 this year. There is some immense world-building by Weber here, more than enough to sustain a TV series and spin-offs. And Honor had the “tough hero with cute cat” look down pat while Brie Larson was still in her crib. I feel old because I read On Basilisk Station when it first came out!

2. Killashandra Ree

I’m surprised there haven’t been movies adapting Anne McCaffrey’s novels. The Killashandra Ree trilogy - about a young woman who uses her singing voice to mine a precious commodity called crystal. This would be a perfect role for a singer-actress.

3. Illuminatus!

Shea and Wilson’s Illuminatus! trilogy has been called the ultimate fairy tale for paranoids. Most of not all references to “the Illuminati” which appears in films from time to time take some notes from the Illuminatus! Trilogy. It would have to be NC-17 if done for movies, so this is more likely a Netflix-friendly concept. And once the trilogy is done, Wilson went on to write a number of novels called The Historical Illuminatus Chronicles, another semi-related trilogy, Schrodinger’s Cat, and also Masks of the Illuminati. 

4. Vatta’s War

If they don’t want to do Honor Harrington, there are other female-led military sci-fi series available, such as Elizabeth Moon’s Vatta’s War series focusing on space academy dropout Ky Vatta’s attempts to redeem herself as she commands a trading vessel caught in the middle of a war.

5. Modesty Blaise

It’s true, there have been 3 attempts at adapting Peter O’Donnell’s comic strip for the movies: indeed, his very first full-length novel adapted his original script for the 1966 movie version that threw everything out the window in favour of goofy comedy. A 1980s TV pilot was Americanized. A 2004 prequel movie called My Name is Modesty failed because it was a prequel. But if properly cast (Gal Gadot), and properly written, a Modesty Blaise movie would make everyone forget the entire notion of casting a woman as James Bond - they don’t need to do so with retired crime lord-turned-unofficial MI6 spy Modesty Blaise around.

6. Old Man’s War

I was going to include John Scalzi’s amazing Old Man’s War series next, but apparently they are doing a TV series of that one.

7. Harvard Lampoon’s Bored of the Rings

OK, maybe not - but it would be funny to see someone release this as counter-programming to Rings of Power!

[blacjaq1]

[autumnrory]

Observing this near impossible escape from certain death, Frito wondered how much longer the authors were going to get away with such tripe.

Bored of the Rings by The Harvard Lampoon

[hobbitweed]

[haladrielgifs]

Morfydd Clark as Galadriel & Charlie Vickers as Sauron

[subaerial-dweller]

i like that in the fellowship of the ring, Aragorn (i think it's Aragorn) calls Frodo "son of Drogo", because it means there have been personal off-screen (off-page?) conversations.

like frodo gets talking one night about how he came to live with Bilbo, and the fellowship tell him it's all terribly sad about his parents drowning and all that, and he goes "thank you it was a while ago now but i appreciate it", and then Sam goes on about his gaffer who he loves more than almost anyone, and Aragorn kind of gets to explain his bloodline situation to a bunch of hobbits who don't fully understand what "the blood of Numenor" is but they're trying to be very supportive anyway.

they're all friends, is what i mean. and while they were nearly freezing to death and getting shot at and getting balrogged and dying and all that, they took the time to get to know each other because that's nice.

[mycaptainjones]

their hobby is picking fights 24/7 lmaooo

[fellomen]

people finding it difficult to read mohg's facial expressions because of his fangs, and him learning to exaggerate them so they register better as a result

but also. mohg using a human guise and still doing this unconsciously. you're listening to one of ansbach's nostalgic stories and turn to mohg who's just

[science-lings]

I need to consult the gay counsel

[animentality]

I forced my friend who hates epic fantasy to watch Lord of the Rings with me, and I mean that legitimately, like she literally said I'm not watching that, and I said while you're in my goddamn house, you're watching it. There's no negotiation.

Anyway, she spent the first half of the Two Towers bitching and complaining and saying everyone was boring and no one was pretty - she also called Aragorn mid, which honestly, to be honest, to be truthful, if I killed her, I'm pretty sure a judge and a jury would side with me for that one.

But I digress.

She spent the first half of the movie saying the movie sucked- and then she shut her goddamn mouth for the second half.

Because even the biggest epic fantasy haters in the world shut their whining mouths when they see the battle of helm's deep.

There is literally TOO MUCH cool shit happening for even the most normie of normies to hate on it.

Seriously. Elves showing up when the humans need them most, elven archers with the amazing long range volleys, orcs with ladders, orcs with HOOKS, bombing the wall down, Legolas riding down a shield as he shoots arrows, Aragorn throwing Gimli's ass at the bridge...

Gandalf arriving on his white horse with the Rohirrim to save the damn day...and yes, elsewhere, the Ents being awesome and fucking shit up...

Doesn't matter if you're a hater of all things epic fantasy.

This shit too fire for even you to resist the burn.

[ryuucae]

Excited to meet this guy on Friday

[gecko1011010]

Wow it's OC x Canon

[pastellguts]

Godwyn/Fortissax drawing inspired by @iliothermia 💛

[bhaalbaaby]

I’m abt to say it: I don’t like that people are like wyll is boring but then they use a mod to change his romance scenes for someone else like 🤨

[miquella-everywhere]

Okay I have to say one of the biggest reasons why I absolutely hate the theories that say Miquella wanted to be kidnapped by Mohg, and why they make no fucking sense, is because Miquella put so much effort into growing the Haligtree.

Miquella watered that thing with his own blood since it was a sapling, it is quite literally the foundation for his paradise and the sanctuary that he created for the forsaken. He even went so far as to embed himself into it, acting as its heart and life blood so it could grow stronger and become a full-fledged Erdtree.

And it is explicitly portrayed in game as an absolute tragedy that this dream never came to fruition.

Armor worn by knights sworn to the Haligtree. Its left breast is emblazoned with the crest of the Haligtree. Though watered with Miquella's own blood since it was a sapling, the Haligtree ultimately failed to grow into an Erdtree.

Metal greatshield depicting the Haligtree with unalloyed gold. Carried by knights who have vowed to serve Miquella's Haligtree. Possesses high holy damage negation. Yet now, with the Haligtree misshapen, this wondrous rendition is a fleeting fantasy.

So why in fucks name would Miquella have ever wanted to be ripped and absconded from the Haligtree when he put all that effort into nurturing it????

It's like if you were to proudly proclaim that you're going to build a rocket to the moon to collect lunar samples and then purposely make the engine shitty because it'd be cool to watch the rocket explode.

Like WHAT?????