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antoine-roquentin · 4 years

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obliquely, this is in reference to how formerly working class bastions in the midwest that used to elect socialists now elect republicans. if we all gave up the theory that LGBT people are normal, we might once again go back to the days where we elected socialists across the country. thomas frank, what’s the matter with kansas:

But its periodic bouts of leftism were what really branded Kansas with the mark of the freak. Every part of the country in the nineteenth century had labor upheavals and protosocialist reform movements, of course. In Kansas, though, the radicals kept coming out on top. It was as though the blank landscape prompted dreams of a blank-slate society, a place where institutions might be remade as the human mind saw fit. Maps of the state from the 1880s show a hamlet (since vanished) called Radical City; in nearby Crawford County the town of Girard was home to the Appeal to Reason, a socialist newspaper whose circulation was in the hundreds of thousands. In that same town, in 1908, Eugene Debs gave a fiery speech accepting the Socialist Party’s nomination for president; in 1912 Debs actually carried Crawford County, one of four he won nationwide. (All were in the Midwest.) In 1910 Theodore Roosevelt signaled his own lurch to the left by traveling to Kansas and giving an inflammatory address in Osawatomie, the onetime home of John Brown.

The most famous freak-out of them all was Populism, the first of the great American leftist movements.* Populism tore through other states as well—wailing all across Texas, the South, and the West in the 1890s—but Kansas was the place that really distinguished itself by its enthusiasm. Driven to the brink of ruin by years of bad prices, debt, and deflation, the state’s farmers came together in huge meetings where homegrown troublemakers like Mary Elizabeth Lease exhorted them to “raise less corn and more hell.” The radicalized farmers marched through the small towns in day-long parades, raging against what they called the “money power.” And despite all the clamor, they still managed to take the state’s traditional Republican masters utterly by surprise in 1890, sweeping the small-town slickers out of office and ending the careers of many a career politician. In the decade that followed they elected Populist governors, Populist senators, Populist congressmen, Populist supreme court justices, Populistcity councils, and probably Populist dogcatchers, too; men of strong ideas, curious nicknames, and a colorful patois....

For a generation, Kansas has been the testing-ground for every experiment in morals, politics, and social life. Doubt of all existing institutions has been respectable. Nothing has been venerable or revered merely because it exists or has endured. Prohibition, female suffrage, fiat money, free silver, every incoherent and fantastic dream of social improvement and reform, every economic delusion that has bewildered the foggy brains of fanatics, every political fallacy nurtured by misfortune, poverty and failure, rejected elsewhere, has here found tolerance and advocacy.

Today the two myths are one. Kansas may be the land of averageness, but it is a freaky, militant, outraged averageness. Kansas today is a burned-over district of conservatism where the backlash propaganda has woven itself into the fabric of everyday life. People in suburban Kansas City vituperate against the sinful cosmopolitan elite of New York and Washington, D.C.; people in rural Kansas vituperate against the sinful cosmopolitan elite of Topeka and suburban Kansas City. Survivalist supply shops sprout in neighborhood strip-malls. People send Christmas cards urging their friends to look on the bright side of Islamic terrorism, since the Rapture is now clearly at hand.

Under the state’s simple blue flag are gathered today some of the most flamboyant cranks, conspiracists, and calamity howlers the Republic has ever seen. The Kansas school board draws the guffaws of the world for purging state science standards of references to evolution. Cities large and small across the state still hold out against water fluoridation, while one tiny hamlet takes the additional step of requiring firearms in every home. A prominent female politician expresses public doubts about the wisdom of women’s suffrage, while another pol proposes that the state sell off the Kansas Turnpike in order to solve its budget crisis. Impoverished inhabitants of the state’s most scenic area fight with fanatical determination to prevent a national park from opening up in their neighborhood, while the rails-to-trails program, regarded everywhere else in the union as a harmless scheme for family fun, is reviled in Kansas as an infernal design on the rights of property owners. Operation Rescue selects Wichita as the stage for its great offensive against abortion, calling down thirty thousand testifying fundamentalists on the city, witnessing and blocking traffic and chaining themselves to fences. A preacher from Topeka travels the nation advising Americans to love God’s holy hate, showing up wherever a gay person has been in the news to announce that “God Hates Fags.” Survivalists and secessionists dream of backyard confederacies out on the lone prairie; schismatic Catholics declare the pope himself to be insufficiently Catholic; Posses Comitatus hold imaginary legal proceedings, sternly prosecuting state officials for participating in actual legal proceedings; and homegrown terrorists swap conspiracy theories at a house in Dickinson County before screaming off to strike a blow against big government in Oklahoma City.

the problem with this simple story is that social liberalism actually grew in lockstep with an economic policy tailored to the poor. in the 70s, the most common place to get gender reassignment surgery was at a catholic hospital in small town colorado. in 2010, in response to deep opposition in the town, the practice was forced to move to california. the second most common place was at a baptist hospital in oklahoma city, where such surgery was viewed as routine until a number of religious leaders decided to oppose it in the 70s. at the same time, many other religious leaders spoke out in favour of the surgery, saying that it comported well with religious tenets.

likewise, colorado legalized abortion in 1967, as did states like kansas, missouri, georgia, and north and south carolina prior to roe v wade. today, these states are considered anti-abortion and anti-lgbt hotspots, yet prior to the late 70s, compassion for such people was viewed as paramount in the life of america’s christians. so what happened? it clearly wasn’t an emphasis on the social aspects of poor american lives that shifted the political arena in favour of religious conservatism. rather, as thomas frank points out in the same book:

Nobody mows their own lawn in Mission Hills anymore, and only a foot soldier in its armies of gardeners would park a Pontiac there. The doctors who lived near us in the seventies have pretty much been gentrified out, their places taken by the bankers and brokers and CEOs who have lapped them repeatedly on the racetrack of status and income. Every time I paid Mission Hills a visit during the nineties, it seemed another of the more modest houses in our neighborhood had been torn down and replaced by a much larger edifice, a three-story stone chateau, say, bristling with turrets and porches and dormers and gazebos and a three-car garage. The dark old palaces from the twenties sprouted spiffy new slate roofs, immaculately tailored gardens, remote-controlled driveway gates, and sometimes entire new wings. One grand old pile down the street from us was fitted with shiny new gutters made entirely of copper. A new house a few doors down from Esrey’s spread is so large it has two multicar garages, one at either end.

These changes are of course not unique to Mission Hills. What has gone on there is normal in its freakishness. You can observe the same changes in Shaker Heights or La Jolla or Winnetka or Ann Coulter’s hometown of New Canaan, Connecticut. They reflect the simplest and hardest of economic realities: The fortunes of Mission Hills rise and fall in inverse relation to the fortunes of ordinary working people. When workers are powerful, taxes are high, and labor is expensive (as was the case from World War II until the late seventies), the houses built here are smaller, the cars domestic, the servants rare, and the overgrown look fashionable in gardening circles. People read novels about eccentric English aristocrats trapped in a democratic age, sighing sadly for their lost world.

When workers are weak, taxes are down, and labor is cheap (as in the twenties and again today), Mission Hills coats itself in shimmering raiments of gold and green. Now the stock returns are plush, the bonus packages fat, the servants affordable, and the suburb finds that the princely life isn’t dead after all. It builds new additions and new fountains and new Italianate porches overlooking Olympic-sized flower gardens maintained by shifts of laborers. People read books about the glory of empire. The kids get Porsches or SUVs when they turn sixteen; the houses with asphalt roofs discreetly disappear; the wings that were closed off are triumphantly reopened, and all is restored to its former grandeur. Times may be hard where you live, but here events have yielded a heaven on earth, a pleasure colony out of the paintings of Maxfield Parrish.

america's workers and small farmers were saved by the reforms of the 1930s, as frank explains, then crushed as the wealthy found out how to squirrel away their taxes (in part thanks to the collapse of the british empire), accumulate wealth away from prying eyes, lobby the government for preferential treatment, and between 1976 and 2000, triumph completely in the political domain. mission hill donates more money to politicians than the rest of kansas combined. unions are swamped in state politics, and see declining fortunes. as a result, neoliberal social atomization takes effect, which sees even workers demanding beggar-thy-neighbour policies. and when thy neighbour is socially distinct from you, it becomes easier to justify voting for such politics based on a survival instinct. the majority of the working class tuned out and do not vote any more. among the rest, low skilled working class jobs in highly stratified and inequitable cities vote democrat, hoping for some patronage from the white collar creative class voters they serve, while blue collar skilled workers tend to vote republican, devoid of any examples of class politics in their lives with the death of unions and hoping to keep their share of wages against their only opposition, the tax man.

ultimately, any socially liberal politics sustained by donations from rich big city donors is unsustainable. on the other hand, the notion that “woke” politics is holding back leftism is, save for a few clearly absurd situations (robin diangelo, for instance) also wrong. economic leftism leads to social leftism, because respect to the working class leads to respect for its identities. neoliberal atomization is a much deeper force than can be surmounted at the ballot box, even in a primary, but it is always an economic force first and foremost.

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scimitar-and-longsword · 4 years

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Hey, I think I just started following you and congrats on 1k!!! would you mind reccing me your favourite fics? I am baby in this fandom and want to read things :)

oh absolutely! I’ve been meaning to make a rec list at some point anyway so this is good!! Also, the movies been out a little over 3 weeks, we’re ALL babies in this fandom, so you’ll fit right in. 💜 These are just a few of the ones I’ve bookmarked/am subscribed to. It’s still so early on in this fandom/ship it’s a bit chaotic, but I’ve tried my best to give a few good recs!

--- Aftermath by kibosama 42361 Words, and counting Joe x Nicky

Nicolo has a growing list of Things That No Longer Make Sense. They go as follows: 1) He can no longer die. Which, in itself, is pretty strange. 2) The man he killed multiple times is somehow, impossibly, like him. 3) He may or may not be having a crisis of faith. 4) His former enemy is treating him like a friend. Even defending him, the man that can't die. 5) And, most confusing of all, why does he like it when Yusuf smiles at him like THAT?

This has 26 chapters SO FAR, and it’s a nice slow burn of Joe and Nicky falling in love in the aftermath of their meeting. It’s delicous and I’ve been LOVING it so far. It seems fairly well researched, and as far as I can tell is steering clear of the pitfalls that a lot of the crusades-era works have been falling into. THAT BEING SAID, I am white and from a christian background so I’m inherently not as educated in some of the micro-aggression/racist bs that has been happening in the fandom in regards to Joe. So idk... take my rec on this one with a grain of salt?? (but seriously I’ve been obsessed with this one!)

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Finally Alive by domini_moonbeam 18243 Words, and counting Joe x Nicky

Joe is the new immortal not Nile, and Nicky is the one sent to go find him.

This is another one that is ongoing, basically putting Joe in the role of the new immortal. Instant, soulmate level attraction?? we.love.to.see.it.

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Just Say Yes by ItsAshippersWorld 3489 Words Joe x Nicky

Five times Joe proposed to Nicky and one time Nicky proposed to Joe.

Gotta have at least 5+1 fic in there right? It’s a staple!

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One night only. by crookedcrown 6227 Words Joe x Nicky

AU - Andy and Booker hire Joe to spend a night with Nicky.

A classic tale of Character A spends night with prostitute!Character B. Both fall madly in love at first sight/fuck. But it meant nothing to the other one, surly??? OH THE DRAMA. You know, that old chestnut. (Porn with Plot *chefs kiss*)

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Solitude, Interrupted by Wordancer 7039 Words Booker x Female OC

Booker meets a girl at the liquor store.

Bit of a fix-it fic. Post-movie Booker meets a girl who turns out to be another immortal. It’s cute and full of pining and I just WANT BOOKER TO BE HAPPY, OK?

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turn the world to gold by wordslinging 6859 Words Joe x Nicky

He's imagined their reunion many times. He's imagined sweeping Nicolo off his feet with eloquent declarations of undying devotion, imagined being the one swept off his feet by Nicolo’s quiet sincerity. He's even imagined the unlikely possibility that the spark will have died, that the sight of Nicolo won't set a fire in his blood the way it always has.

Reunited after taking a break for 20 years, it’s litteraly just Porn with emotions lol

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Under the Black by ToBebbanburg 8025 Words Joe x Nicky

This is just "5 times Joe and Nicky tried to fuck and 1 time they finally managed it" but it's pirates. I mean you try having sex as your ship gets pulled into a hurricane. It's not going to happen, sorry boys.

5+1 but this time with sexy pirates, um yes please!! (more porn haha)

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Le Vite by ScribeofArda 8039 Words Joe x Nicky

Nicky breathes out. “What did I miss?” he asks, staring out at the hills. “Why didn’t I see this coming?” After everything, after finding Nile and losing Booker and Andy's new mortality, Joe is pissed off. Nicky is just tired.

Just some good old fashion fighting and making up. I’ve seen a trend of Joe x Nicky being like the **perfect** couple and while I’ll read that FOR SURE, sometimes I want something a little darker, a little more emo. I am a mid 2000s teen after all, emo is in my blood! Bonus Nile & Nicky bonding, kinda?

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I’ve read a shit ton of fanfic over the last few weeks so I’m sure I’ve missed some great ones, This is just what I had on hand lol

#Joe x Nicky #Joe #Nicky #fic rec #I snuck a #Booker #fic in cause I'm weak #ask #request #1k special #avengersnewb

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tiimetvrners · 3 years

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THEODORE NOTT ( alperen duymaz ) is looking for their FRIEND who resembles ALBERTO ROSENDE, ALEX LANDI, BANITA SANDHU, CHANCE PERDOMO, GABRIEL DARKU, GRETA ONIEOGOU, HALSTON SAGE, JOHN BOYEGA, KANG SEULGI, KEITH POWERS, KELLY GALE, LULU ANTARISKA, MICHAEL EVANS BEHLING, MINA EL HAMMANI, UTP and should be 24-30. applicants do have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying. ( their friendship is what would be considered more of an unlikely friendship - theodore isn’t particularly friendly, even to those few individuals he does consider to be his friends. he’s cold, he’s distant, he’s afraid of opening up. somehow, this person managed to get him to open up. and theodore isn’t sure how - a fact that probably annoys him. their friendship would’ve started post hogwarts - how they met is up in the air, but i think it’d be fun if it was outside of work. i’ll stop myself before i get too carried away, but i just see a lot of potential here !! )

THEODORE NOTT ( alperen duymaz ) is looking for their OLDER SISTER/SIBLING who resembles NESLIHAN ATAGÜL, AYÇA AYŞIN TURAN, MELISA PAMUK, CAĞLA DEMIR, or ANY FEMALE / FEMALE ALIGNED NON-BINARY FC WHO’S TURKISH AND FITS THE AGE RANGE and should be TWENTY FIVE+. applicants do not have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying. ( i’ve hesitated to write this up just because i originally picked up theo when his sister was already in play but i was a fan of the concept then and i’m still a fan now! life in the nott household would not have been fun- pyrites nott was not a nice man, a strong supporter of voldemort he would have pushed his ideals onto his children at a young age. he expected only the best from them, punishing them when they didn’t live up to expecations. their mother, may she rest in peace, was kind, too kind according to her husband- he scolded her for coddling them. she was also a sickly woman, struggling with both of her pregnancies until she eventually died during theodore’s third year and life in the nott household was never the same. while it was never particularly loud, it was now silent, where there was once someone to stop pyrites from completely terrorizing his children, he went unchecked. how his sister reacted to this, is completely up to you but theodore became withdrawn and somewhat hostile. he was relieved when his father went to prison, he had never wanted to be a part of the life the older man so desperately wanted for him. and now that he’s out, well theo is scared. as for the relationship between the two siblings, i like to think they got along all things considered they probably only had each other for comfort/support? theo isn’t affectionate but he would love his sister. i think i’ve touched on everything, so you’re more than welcome to shoot me a message otherwise this is your character go wild ! )

THEODORE NOTT ( alperen duymaz ) is looking for their WORK ACQUINTANCE who resembles UTP and should be ANY. applicants do / do not have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying. ( i hesitate to call them a friend because theodore isn’t exactly friendly, but they would probably be the closest thing he has to a friend outside of the slytherin gang. theo started working at the ministry right after hogwarts, starting in the department of magical law enforcement before moving to the department of mysteries. they would have met before he switched departments and just hit it off ?? or alternatively they didn’t get along at first but eventually worked it out?? really i’m not picky about this i just think it would be nice for theo to have a friend that’s not from school. bonus points if they weren’t a slytherin student !! )

THEODORE NOTT ( alperen duymaz ) is looking for their FRIEND WITH BENEFITS who resembles CODY CHRISTIAN, MAXENCE DANET-FAUVEL, JACOB ELORDI, SURAJ SHARMA, MADELEINE MADDEN, ALEXA DEMIE, EMMA MACKAY, AISHA DEE or UTP and should be 22-28 applicants do not have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying. ( i really don’t have a whole lot of details for this connection- it’s pretty straightforward. though i will say calling them friends might be a stretch, theo is just more likely to refer to it as a friends with benefits situation than a hookup. i do think it would be funny if they couldn’t stand each other, but that’s not a requirement. i do think this arrangement has been going on for a little while now, but it’s not serious so maybe it’s been off and on?? really this could go a number of ways. )

THEODORE NOTT ( alperen duymaz ) is looking for their FORMER BETROTHED who resembles ADRIANNE HO, VANESSA MORGAN, VIRGINIA GARDNER, REINA HARDESTY, BEANIE FELDSTEIN, GERALDINE VISWANATHAN, BENEDETTA GARGARI, KHADIJHA RED THUNDER, or UTP and should be 22-26. applicants do not have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying. ( you know how much purebloods love their arranged marriages, well this is really not that different. from an early age an agreement was struck between pyriates nott and the parents of your character that they and theodore would be married. i do like the idea of both of them going along with it to please their parents but secretly hating one another? or maybe the hatred was only on theo’s end and his betrothed was so excited and then subsequently disappointed when they realized theo just didn’t care. really the only thing set in stone is that it’s over! i’m trying to picture it in my head and the only thing i know for sure is theodore would have ended it the second his dad went to prison. )

THEODORE NOTT ( alperen duymaz ) is looking for their EX who resembles PEYTON ALEX SMITH, ALBERTO ROSENDE, GAVIN LEATHERWOOD, JAMES REID, AVAN JOGIA, BAE SUZY, BILLIE LOURD, TATI GABRIELLE, SAMANTHA LOGAN, CHLOE BENNET OR UTP and should be 23-26. applicants do not have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying. ( i don’t have a lot of details for this connection as theodore isn’t particularly affectionate and i don’t really see him being a great boyfriend but he would’ve tried. this was likely the only time he ould have made an effort when it comes to a relationship and it ended disastrously- so much so that he hasn’t dated since. i do think he would have been to blame for how it ended, but i’m open to discussing this! i just know that he would avoid them like the plague and i think it could be fun. as for when they dated, i think sometime during his final year at hogwarts or right after he graduated would be nice !! another idea is they dated during his first couple of years at the ministry and split around the time he made the move to the department of mysteries and became all secretive. i think this has potential to be fun and i am more than willing to discuss the details!! )

#nox.task #wanted connections.#decided to go ahead and link my wanted connections already on the main under the cut

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himboskywalker · 4 years

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I want you to know that many people have bugged me to get a tik tok. And I always resisted the temptation. UNTIL you posted that shit and guess who downloaded tik tok? The power you hold is insurmountable. Any other recommendations for people to follow?

I have a ton of Star Wars tik tok recommendations! The majority of who I follow are specifically thirst follows but I’ll give a warning if the user is under 18 and I definitely only follow them because they’re cool. You also might notice a gap of some of the bigger and more well known accounts because Tik Tok tends to be a very Sequels-centric and anti-Jedi space and any of the big name accounts that get mouthy about the Jedi I give a wide birth.

funklord_vader — Kevin is a sweetheart of a human being and he’s definitely my favorite account on Tik Tok. You’ve seen me post some of his videos already and he does phenomenal impressions,is absolutely hilarious,and is an all around gem of a person. Bonus points for him agreeing with me that Anakin would have stolen Obi-Wan’s lightsaber for nefarious purposes.

Stnthestron and fezilius — They do Obi-Wan and Anakin cosplays respectfully and are usually seen in colabs or duets. Also an in real life couple so there’s some inherent Obikin vibes just because of the heart eyes the two give one another.

bcivicosplay — Most of the really big cosplayers are from LA or California and Brandon is no different,but he’s got some phenomenal Mandalorian cosplays and he’s pretty.

proatcons— Obi-Wan cosplayer and 100% a thirst follow because this man is fucking p.r.e.t.t.y.

awholeadult— Obi-Wan cosplayer #2 that is 100% a thirst follow and is genuinely hilarious and does funny duets.

alexm2255– Did someone say absolutely and insanely badass female Mandalorian cosplayer? Followed for the brilliant,hi-tech armor and was delighted to later discover she’s basically Cara Dune and can step on me any day.

Kyaoya— My favorite female Anakin cosplayer with some phenomenal makeup skills!

rexin_around— Michael is probably the most well known of the Star Wars Tik Tokers I follow. He’s probably the biggest or one of the biggest LA cosplayers and is well known for his Rex cosplay as well as is 501st trooper work. He’s also one of the big names that explores the Disney Land Galaxy’s Edge and knows a lot of Lucasfilm people and is an all around delightful and well connected nerd.

commanderblackout— Blackout and Clone trooper cosplayer and 100% a thirst follow

kmerolzzzz— Artist who’s also on tumblr and is well known for her stunningly gorgeous Ahsoka and Rex art!

dentedhelmet— A well rounded cosplayer known for his Maul,Cody,Boba Fett And male Twi’lek cosplay. He’s a Grade A cosplayer and also a thirst follow.

jamiecostaofficial— Jamie is one of the old gods who got famous for his Harrison Ford impersonations on Vine way back in the day. He’s a professional voice actor in real life now,a wonderful guy and I actually got to meet him a couple years ago! He’s also a thirst follow but like—In a I want to marry you in real life because when I met you I almost cried kind of way.

zachbravo— Zach is another delightful human who I became internet friends with because of Tik Tok! He’s known for being obsessed with Darth Maul and his impressions.

cagcustomcreations— Christian makes custom lightsabers that rival Ultrasabers and Saber Forge And he’s also 100% gorgeous just don’t tell his girlfriend I said so.

f1ying-solo— The most wholesome and loveable Anakin cosplayer in the world. Bonus points for his particular affinity for Clone Wars Anakin!

brettian— Kylo Ren cosplayer and 1,000% a thirst follow

ach.artt— Super cool female Anakin cosplayer and the only one on this list that I’ll give a heads up for being 17!

consatelecosplay and _skyguy24 — Leia,Padmé,stormtrooper + cosplayer and her boyfriend who cosplays Anakin. They met another at a Star Wars convention years ago cosplaying as Padmé and Anakin and I love them and am so bi for the both of them.

goblinchaos— Sith! Obi-Wan cosplay,need I say more?

ashandbryan— This account makes me melt into a puddle of goo just to think about it. It’s the cosplay account for a married couple in LA. The husband is most well known for his scarily spot on Anakin cosplay though he also does Han Solo and others,while the wife does Padmé,Leia,Rey And others.

#I’m so sorry this took so long it sat in my drafts forgotten for like a month #star wars tiktok #tik toks #star wars #anons #tik tok

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ancientphantom · 5 years

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Working on brushing up old reviews has inspired me to provide these for everyone playing along at home: Bad Phantom Adaptation Bingo!

Categories are behind the cut. I suggest drinking, especially if played with friends.

Angry Mob: Bonus points if it’s somewhere that it absolutely does not make sense for an angry mob to form.

Anti-Romani Racism: Use of the G-slur and any plot involving Romani people being evil, abusive, magical, or otherwise stereotyped all the way to hell.

Carlotta’s Career: Bad Singer: Somehow Carlotta is a highly sought after professional opera singer, yet also simultaneously super bad at singing.

Christine and Raoul Have a Loveless Marriage: Yes, they got married, but it was the wrong choice and they hate it, okay?

Christine is Evil: And that’s why she hurt Erik’s poor feelings and we hate her.

Eh, Just Kill Raoul Off: He can’t interfere in your ship if he’s dead.

Erik Dates a Blind Woman: I mean, who else?

Erik Finds Religion: Converting (usually to Christianity) will solve his problems!

Erik Has Manly Pets: Thundering stallions, menacing hounds, hordes of rats.

Erik is Rich/Noble/Fancy: He’s a count, or a lord, or a prince, or he has five million dollars, or he’s a literal angel...

Erik Learned Nothing from Last Time: Erik forgot instantly about that whole learning and gaining redemption thing and is plotting to do exactly what he was doing the entire time... all over again.

Erik Loves Animals: Erik cares for or is able to instantly bond with animals so you can tell he’s a Good Person on the inside.

Erik Wrote the ALW Musical: Because who else could have written the most amazing musical ever committed to paper?

Erik the Virgin Sexmaster: Erik has never had sex before, but he’s mind-blowingly good at it and everyone has fifteen orgasms.

Erik’s Genius Musical Spawn: Erik has children and they’re just as Special as he is.

Everyone Lives at the Theater: Instead of, you know, in their homes.

Evil Persian People: Foreign people are antagonistic and dangerous, especially those scary brown ones.

Freud Called, Erik’s Dating His Mom Again: Christine looks uncannily like Erik’s mother, and/or he obviously uses his love interest as a replacement/proxy for his mother.

Have You Heard About Erik’s Tragic Childhood?: Recap the whole thing, as luridly as possible, and explain why it means it’s okay for him to be an asshole.

Hilarious Names: Characters are named variations on Angel, musical terms, or completely made up names that don’t exist in reality.

Hottie Phantom: Erik is just lusciously physically hot and everyone wants him. It’s science.

It’s Not Pedophilia If It’s Romantic: No, no, it’s okay if Christine/some other lady is a child/teenager and Erik is an adult. He loves her and he might wait until the day she’s legal, so that makes it okay!

Mask That Makes You Handsome: Erik creates a mask that makes him an undetectable gorgeous male model when worn.

Meg, For No Reason: Look, she’s in the ALW musical so she’s going to show up at least once if it kills us.

Nurse Poor Wounded Erik: Erik gets hurt or falls ill so a loving woman can lovingly nurse him back to health.

Orphan Alert: Erik and/or other characters adopt orphans to show how good and charitable they are.

Random French Words: It’s important to sometimes say oui, monsieur in your text so people don’t forget this is set in France.

Random Muggers: Sometimes you need random muggers so people can be rescued from them. That’s life.

Random Orientalism: Making things sound exotic and fancy by invoking places in Asia or Africa (usually Persia and India, but somehow everywhere in the world is fair game).

Raoul is Abusive: Just give him a personality transplant and then no one has to worry about whether or not Christine likes him.

Rape Threat: Someone’s Virtue is Threatened, often by random antagonists (or Raoul).

Reincarnation: People come back for another round and usually make exactly the same mistakes.

Romance with Thinly-Disguised Self-Insert: Author writes an obvious personal fantasy of their avatar dating Erik and helping him recover from Christine’s cruel rejection.

Secret Erik/Christine Sex: Either they did it during the original story and you just didn’t notice, or they’re doing it right now and Raoul doesn’t.

Secret Wedding!: Christine and Erik actually got married! Or maybe someone else and Erik. It’s very hush-hush. Priests are rarely even invited.

Sexy Madame Giry: It’s important that those side characters all get sexy romance, too.

Smug Smirks of Smugness: Erik smirks so you know he’s powerful yet playful.

Stalking is Sexy: The ladies LOVE it when Erik creepily lurks just out of sight everywhere they go.

This Book Brought to You By Absolutely No Editors: From the run-on sentences to the rampant commas to the wild homophone abuse, reading this hurts your eyes and your brain.

Those Were Accidents, Not Murders!: Erik didn’t really murder anyone, they just blundered into his traps/accidentally fell into his noose/forced him to fight back in self-defense/didn’t really die.

Time to Punish Christine!: Christine was very bad to break Erik’s heart and that’s why this book is now going to abuse, murder, assault, or in some other way ruin her life.

Time Travel!: How else is your modern-day character going to get to romance the Phantom?

Vampire Phantom: Erik does not drink... wine.

Wait, Christine Changed Her Mind!: Actually, she didn’t mean it when she said she wanted to go home with Raoul so she’s coming right back now.

WHAT Daroga?: When the Persian is forgotten yet again.

WHAT Deformity?: Actually, Erik isn’t ugly at all, or he’s barely ugly and everyone can reassure him that actually they love him.

What Even is French Nobility?: No one knows what Raoul’s title is or how it works.

Whorephobia: Disdain for and mistreatment of sex workers, usually to show how “pure” or “good” the other characters are.

Women: For Healing Erik’s Soul: Female characters are solely here to heal Erik’s suffering and reward his pain. What do you mean, “goals” and “feelings”?

Zero Classical Music Knowledge: Obvious lack of elementary understanding of opera, composition, or like... what words mean.

#phantom of the opera #this is exactly what my studies have prepared me for

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inkblotsandeggshells · 3 years

Text

My take on feminine enbodyment and female empowerment

This concept of modern feminism and pushing men out of the picture affects me differently than the average woman, because I was raised without a dad. When my mom adopted me and my other siblings, she never got married and instead asked her best female friend to step in and help raise all four of us. I was very loved, but I felt that absence of a father all my life. It affected nearly every part of my childhood and teenage years, and it continues to affect my adult life. I wanted to get a boyfriend and eventually get married, but the only constant guy in my life was my older brother. Therefore, I had very few examples of what respectful, good, masculine men looked like.

When I was a sophomore in college, my roommate at the time showed me a YouTube channel called Blimey Cow, and they had made a video called “Ten Ways to get the Right Guy to like You.” I hadn’t thought about this video or this channel in a few years, because they primarily make Christian content. I’m not a Christian anymore, nor do I agree with all the beliefs of Christianity. However, I decided to go back to this video two days ago, because I remembered how these creators directly challenged how our culture defines female empowerment. Specifically they used this video to present that challenge, with an emphasis on noting the difference between female liberation and female objectification. Some of the suggestions they made to help girls find the right guys included showing interest in their hobbies, supporting their local chivalry, letting the guys in their lives know they appreciate them, putting less emphasis on how much skin they show and more emphasis on who they are as a person. As a 20 year old college kid, these young content creators made a bigger impact on my views on men, women and the hyper-sexual movement than I would have thought. As a result, their video gave me the nudge to dive deeper into this topic through writing.

When you first learn of the term “female empowerment”, it sounds attractive enough: women being seen as a force to be reckoned with, authoritative, strong leaders who are goddesses in nearly every way. Rather than being stuck at home to take care of the kids, women are encouraged to pursue their career dreams, step into more masculine leadership roles and “be the boss”, for lack of a better term. It all sounds appealing until you start to dig deeper into what’s behind the phrase “female empowerment.” One big part of how I discovered this occurred last summer.

In July of 2020, I chose to invest a serious amount of money to an online holistic sex course. It was called Well-F*cked Woman, created by a woman named Kim Anami. Through using the tools learned through this six week course, Kim claims to have helped thousands of people all over the world, especially women, to connect with the untapped power of their sexual energy. She believes that a big reason why people are as stressed, unhealthy and unhappy as they are is because they’re not having the right kind of sex. Moreover, they’re not having the right kind of sex often enough. Whether you’re in a couple or single makes no difference. If you want to gain body confidence, get orgasms or even heal ancestral trauma, Kim claims this course would teach you how to obtain all those things by utilizing your sexual energy.

When I read the information on it, I became very intrigued. After several days of listening to her podcasts and reading her blogs, I became more convinced that this course could be a big help for my personal well-being. At the time, my goal was to use the course to heal some of the imbalanced sacral energy I still had. Hopefully, it could even heal some ancestral wounds I carried in my DNA. If I achieved that, finding a romantic partner would be more of a bonus than a direct goal. So when I received the stimulus check from the government, I used that money to pay for the course and one of Kim’s jade yoni eggs.

For each of the six weeks, we would get a video with a written syllabus to discuss different topics, most of which revolved around sex. One week we would focus on self-love practices, one week we would talk about the relationship between sex and money, another week we learned about food, etc. In that first week, I began the exercises easily enough. However, I also started to feel very conflicted about the information we received in this course. For example, in the syllabus about self-love, one of the first statements Kim made about women is that “most have rape fantasies.” Admittedly, I didn’t really understand what that meant or what it was, until a friend told me. Once I did understand it, it bothered me deeply, to say the least. As someone who claimed that her work helped heal women’s sexual trauma, to hear Kim make such a statement right off the bat made me feel uneasy.

In a separate journal, I had written down my progress of the course and some of the conclusions I had made about what it taught and about the woman who taught it. In one entry, I had observed that it seemed to take a lot of money to become a “well-f*cked woman”, by Kim’s standards. If needed, it could possibly add up to hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars. For instance, if you wanted to use a jade egg as a sexual healing tool, that cost $300. The six week course itself cost almost $1000. Kim also recommended using therapy injections to change your neural pathways, if you were a victim of sexual trauma. Just getting one injection is expensive enough, but if you “need” more than one injection or appointment, that will add up fast. Sadly, such treatments are not easily accessible to everyone who wants sexual healing. It certainly wasn’t for me.

Additionally, a recurring message that came up in the course was that it’s important for couples to have sex more than once a week. In this case, it wasn’t talking about the faster paced sex described as being numb and fleeting. On the contrary, Kim wanted us to aim for the slower, orgasmic, breath focused sex where you’re working to maintain and build up a flow of sexual energy. While in some ways, this course educated people on sex differently than our modern culture, some aspects seem pretty similar to me. For example, one night stands are still seen as acceptable situations to practice generating this energy. We were encouraged to practice sex acts two to three times a week, to the point of becoming sex addicts. Also, even though Kim frowned upon pornography, we were still taught to utilize BDSM as a way to create polarity in our relationships. This was to make sure that “spark of passion” was maintained for the long term. Lastly, Kim would sometimes demonstrate problematic double standards when it came to showing examples of how to respect your partner. In one of her stories about “helping” her partner become confident with himself, she talked about making a point to touch his private parts in public, whether he was okay with it or not. If not, she claimed “it was his problem.” In my opinion, if they’re genders had been switched, she would have been called out for her disrespectful behavior immediately among the group.

In this class, Kim discouraged us from using substances like alcohol and drugs during the practice, because of how they damage the body. On the other hand, she promoted addictions to sex as something positive, as something to attain for as a human being. Whether you are in a couple doing the act or you’re a single adult who’s just masturbating, you were encouraged to have some kind of sex several times a week. According to Kim, it needed to get to the point where you felt you couldn’t go about your day without generating this energy. “What an addiction does is that it causes you to stop thinking,” says Michael Knowles, who was a guest on the Candace Owens Show discussing modern feminism. “It enslaves you. It makes you prone to certain behavior, and when you’re not thinking, that’s when the people who want to grab power can come in and force it on you.” Too much of anything can be detrimental for your well-being, on all levels. During a time where protection of boundaries for my spiritual life had become very important, this way of thinking pushed me to discover what kind of boundaries I had and to stick to them. In this case, it lead me to the conclusion that if being like Kim meant being addicted to sex, disrespecting the men I care about, and using methods of sexual control for the sake of “polarity”, then I would rather not be like her at all.

With all that being said, I believe the big question is this: how exactly does the WAP culture of free sex and female empowerment differ from the holistic sex culture I learned about in the summer of 2020? How does our pop culture differ from the Well-F*cked Woman course, in how we’re being educated about sex? In my opinion, one culture pushes the more superficial, fleeting benefits of sex in our faces, while the other pushes for using sex and sexual energy as a way to harness untapped power. This power can, supposedly, be used to energize us, heal our bodies, and manifest things into our lives. Regardless, both cultures seem to be more concerned with using sex to gain power than using it as a means to express true love. Both cultures seem to encourage women to “embrace their femininity” by leaving their underwear off more often. Both cultures seem to promote double standards on how partners should respect each other and their boundaries. Both cultures still push us to become addicted to sex in order to have a fulfilled, happier life, because according to them, every aspect of our lives will disintegrate without it.

As a result of the lockdown, last year turned out to be most isolating time for us, and it was intense enough to put many people into a deep state of depression. At a time when everyone is stuck online and forced to keep further apart, this is when people in the online sex business—holistic or otherwise—will benefit the most from that loneliness. They can use it to make those profits and fill their own pockets. This becomes more obvious when you observe their marketing tactics, including the ones I noticed for Kim Anami’s website: unless you give me your money and do what I tell you to do, you will never be “well-f*cked.” Everything in your life will deteriorate unless you become “well-f*cked.” You will be a brainwashed zombie forever, easily manipulated, unless you become “well-f*cked.”As my friend Lee Yun would say, “These tactics are designed to create an empty void in people that can’t be filled.” In the cases of some individuals, even if they were to try, it would cost them more time, money and energy than they were lead to believe.

For those of you who wonder if I still keep up with the practices I learned from this course, I haven’t. At least, I haven’t kept up to the degree that would be necessary. My jade egg is sitting on my altar collecting dust, even as I write this. Because of the amount of money I spent to buy the egg, this is not something I’m proud to admit. A jade egg is a sacred, special tool that deserves to be put to use for the highest good, and eventually, I will find a teacher that can help me do so. I just don’t want to have to conform to this holistic “WAP” standard to get there.

Surprisingly, by reflecting on my past through watching Blimey Cow’s videos, I realized there are still some values about sex, intimacy and femininity that I learned as a teenage Christian that matter to me now as an adult witch. In my opinion, sex is something very sacred that should not be taken so lightly, because of how it connects you to your partner in an intense, physical and spiritual way. For me, I take it seriously enough to still choose to wait until I get a husband and to choose not to masturbate. Additionally, when I do have sex with my lifelong partner, it will be as much about him as it will be about me. This means respecting and honoring him as a man as well as I know how. In my opinion, if you encourage people to use something like sex to attain higher spiritual goals, but neglect to show basic respect to your partner’s boundaries about his body, then in the words of Jordan Taylor from Blimey Cow, “you’re doing it wrong.”

Michael Knowles interview with Candace Owens on the Candace Owens Show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejWIEMs8ecg

Blimey Cow’s YouTube video, “Ten Ways to Get the Right Guy to Like You”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqF_PtugyBk

#blimeycow femaleempowerment feminineembodiment jordantaylor candaceowensshow michaelknowles #the daily wire #holisticsex #menmatter

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margridarnauds · 4 years

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Your "Grace O'Malley" tag is extremely gratifying--it's so nice to see actual scholarship. So with that in mind: Have you read Morgan Llwelyn's novel, and if so, what do you have to say on it?

Hi! Thank you so much! I’m glad you like it; it can feel a little bit like I’m shouting into the wind, given that Gráinne is one of my more niche focuses. I still kind of want to do something that actually looks at the EVIDENCE, but I digress.

Morgan Llewelyn….I have mixed feelings about. I last really looked into this book when I was toying with doing my undergrad Capstone Thesis on Donal O’Flaherty, about….4 years ago, now. Time really does fly. So, I forced myself into a refresher, just to remind myself what I missed.

[warning for references to rape, incest, and some of the most Cursed™ lines I’ve ever been forced to read in my life, and that’s including the zombie blowjob scene.]

Final Verdict: 2.5/5 - DEFINITELY not the worst retelling of Gráinne’s life (I’ve seen....Things), but also not the best, either, and with some very, very glaring flaws that make it impossible for me to really enjoy.

My main take away from it is that…as far as its depiction of Gráinne, it did about as well as its source material. I can tell, looking at it and reading it, that she really looked hard at Anne Chambers’ book. Which is unfortunate because, as I’ve made……………relatively clear over the years, I think that it’s very, deeply flawed. And, unfortunately, Llewlyn stuck rather close to the book, leaving in things like Donal’s “murder" of Walter Fada Burke (if the patronymic don’t fit, you’ve got to acquit), Sexist™ Incompetent™ Donal™, and…..Hugh de Lacy, which, in my personal opinion, owe more to Chambers lack of critical reading of her own sources than they do to the historical record. ESPECIALLY Hugh de Lacy because…the name. Very odd that one of the major Anglo-Norman officials should share a name with Gráinne Ní Mháille’s boytoy. Very odd. Especially given that the pattern of “Love interest of Gráinne’s killed off/Gráinne seeks revenge” is VERY similar to what we hear of the Defense of Hen’s Castle. Almost as if they come from the same story.

This also leads us to the scene where Donal tries to rape Gráinne in her sleep which, honestly, I loathe with every fibre of my being. Nope, nope. Hate it. Hate. It. Oh, God, I forgot about the references to Donal!Incest. Why is this a mini-genre of Gráinne Ní Mháille historical fiction. Why. I can think of at least…..2-3 books that do this. Why God. Why.

Lest anyone think that this is the Donal fangirl in me jumping out, in general, I feel like Llewelyn’s treatment of most of the characters is ultimately paper-thin. Richard Burke is also given this treatment and, while I wouldn’t REALLY expect a sympathetic Richard Bingham (nor would I particularly want one - I’ve spent a lot of quality time reading his complaints and cackling), even HE’S done a disservice.

On a technical level, I don’t REALLY like how she handles the timeline, it jumps around a little too much for my taste. We’re treated to constant flashbacks with little warning, including ones that could have been just as easily folded into the timeline proper. And, while Llewelyn has a rich, descriptive style, she also writes an, honestly, impressive number of lines that will haunt me for all the wrong reasons. I’ve detailed a lot of them under the readmore, but some highlights:

She had gazed in wonder at the child—his perfect ears and fingers, the miniature penis that would eventually become a mighty rod for transmitting further life.” This is, I’m sure, what every mother thinks when she sees her newborn son’s penis for the first time. Why. Why God. Why. Why. Why.

Okay, another candidate for Cursed Lines: "Richard noted the high color in her cheeks, and saw how her nipples stood out strongly under the soft fabric of her gown.” If this were a male author, I would be-Nah, it’s still bad. It’s just bad writing, I’m sorry. In general, I found that she massively sexed up Gráinne’s life, for no real reason that I can tell except for that it felt almost like she felt like it was necessary to prove that Gráinne was a Real Woman™? There’s a very....odd way that her sex life is treated, and it grates on me. We have to deal with Donal, Richard, Huw(uwu), Philip Sydney, and Tigernan, all in the course of one book and, honestly, I don’t really CARE about Gráinne’s sexcapades, and they’re generally written with so little development or feeling, even and especially in the case of her GREAT LOVE HUW, that I found myself actively groaning. My take on Gráinne, at least the Gráinne that I know in the sources, is almost asexual. I don’t deny that she had sex. She obviously did. (FOUR CHILDREN.) And I think that she might very well have enjoyed it. (Not that there’s enough evidence to KNOW.) But I also think that she was a profoundly pragmatic woman who didn’t fixate on it that much. Again, I could be wrong! When we have as little as we have to go on as we do with her, it’s impossible to know! But I just do not see her as jumping into bed with guys that often, especially not in cases where there was no clear benefit. There’s this...trend, where Gráinne HAS to have a love interest, in every major adaptation of her life, because it’s almost like people are afraid to have her without the anchor of sex and romance. (For what it’s worth - I do think, simply because of the amount of time that they spent together + the fact that they did have at least three children with one another, that Donal was probably her favorite of her two spouses. I don’t KNOW this, because I can’t. The evidence isn’t there. I don’t know whether they loved one another, whether it was a great romance, whether the sex was good, or even if it was just a mild affection, but I do lean towards him, even if I can’t say that he was the Great Love of Her Life™. I think they complimented one another’s lifestyles quite nicely, and that’s all that I can really give.)

Llewelyn also has a very, very obvious bias against Catholicism that ultimately makes me wonder whether she ever meant to engage with 16th century Ireland on its own terms. As an atheist in Celtic Studies....look, I can GET having many, many mixed feelings about Catholicism, but it WAS the religion of the land at the time. If you want to have ANY understanding of the people and what was going through their minds, you have to try to engage with them on their own terms. I’m not in any hurry to convert to Catholicism, but I do try to consider life through the eyes of medieval and early modern Catholics when I’m analyzing sources made in that time. And trying to separate it off from the Good Pagan Times, to the point of creating a 16th century druid woman to voice your opinions on free love/organized religion/etc. is just going to get you into disaster. (Though Evleen did give us one female character who is a friend to Gráinne, so...victory?) Bonus, by the way, for the Evil Priest who schemes against Gráinne and is fucking boys on the side. (It seems like they’re of age, at least?) We’re told that he has reasons for what he does, but it comes as a bit of a last minute attempt at creating the illusion of a three dimensional character. I feel like Llewelyn, ultimately, should have stuck to Pre-Patristic times. I shudder at what she would do with, say, the Mythological Cycle, I don’t particularly want her touching my baby (if she touched Bres in particular, I would probably cry) because, at this point, I don’t trust her with ANY medieval materials (mainly because they’ve all been CONTAMINATED by CATHOLIC HANDS, oh NO), but I feel like it’s where her heart truly is.

IF she’d stuck with pre-Patristic sources, we wouldn’t have to deal with 16th century characters thinking things like: " He would go in the style of his warrior ancestors, fearless in the face of death; the ancient, pagan Gaels had known death was only a brief incident in the ongoing flow of life, a transitory happening of little importance.” Admittedly, Llewelyn herself SEEMS to realize this, as she has him cross himself afterwards, but I really, really don’t think it would be the sort of thing to cross a man’s mind in the Early Modern Period. There was very little evidence for reincarnation that was that explicit (One of the papers that I did was on the existence of reincarnation in Pre-Christian Ireland, so I actually CAN speak on this one with some degree of confidence - My ultimate findings were that it probably did exist in some form, but the evidence makes it hard at times to draw definite conclusions), and I’m not sold that they would…understand it as reincarnation, as SUCH. We can look at what, say, Julius Caesar wrote about the druids’ beliefs and apply them to medieval Irish texts, but a man living in 16th century Ireland wouldn’t necessarily have the same luxury, especially since relatively few figures are given reincarnation narratives. It’s like…she’s applying the Mythological Cycle, but she momentarily forgets that these characters wouldn’t have VIEWED the Mythological Cycle like we would have, and it’s rather jarring. No one else might pick up on that, because this is my field. This is the ONE THING I can be pedantic on.

Now! There are some things I actually do like! Outside of Chambers’ questionable grasp of historical interpretation and the resulting taint, I can tell that Llewlyn did have a solid grasp of the FEEL of Early Modern Ireland. As I noted above, she’s a very fine author, the kind I honestly ENVY as a historical fiction writer, the type that is so confident and descriptive that, even when she’s wrong, which is often, I find myself reaching for the sources just to make sure. Her descriptions are vivid and visceral, pulling me immediately into the FEEL of Ireland in the 16th century, a way of life on the verge of collapse.

When she isn’t being descriptive in all the wrong ways as detailed above. I do feel, for whatever it’s worth, that as someone with the background in this material that I have, I was kind of doomed from the get-go. I THINK that for someone who isn’t a Celticist (in training), it would be much, much more enjoyable, BECAUSE she is so confident in her style and her way of evoking the mood that it wouldn’t really stick out. I happen to be both blessed and cursed in that regard.

It’s clear, as well, that she has a grasp on the literature of the time - References to the things like the first Gaels coming from Spain make my heart SING with joy because it’s a very clear allusion to Lebor Gabála Érenn and the Mythological Cycle, which is my specialty, and there are plenty of times that I can tell you EXACTLY what sources she had to hand while she was typing on a section. It’s just a pity to me that she seems to try so hard to toss it all away in order to bifurcate Early Modern Irish society into Pagan VS Catholic, since she fundamentally did betray her own sources there. And, unfortunately, the way she tends to show her research is about as subtle as a blunt nail, in a very “As you know” manner: See: “I have heard the brehons chanting the laws governing fosterage, describing every article of clothing that must be furnished a child and every detail of the training the child is to be given.” Like, yes, the law texts record this, but I can’t really see someone from the 16th century SAYING it that bluntly, you know? Also, I’m not really sold that they would be chanting it out loud as a ritual thing, rather that a lot of the law tracts are in a simple Question/Answer format because it would have, presumably, made it simpler for the Brehons THEMSELVES to remember that way.

I do like that Llewlyn’s Gráinne…she’s attractive, yes, but she’s not conventionally attractive, and she’s explicitly said to be big and tall as a man. I feel like a lot of pop cultural depictions of Gráinne want to make her dainty and beautiful, despite living in an incredibly harsh, stressful environment. I think that her outfit’s a little too much “Modern pirate”-y for my taste, but I’ll allow it because, tbh, it looks really, really badass and, whatever clothing Gráinne would have worn, we probably wouldn’t have really recognized it as “Pirate-like”, since our vision of pirates in the modern day is mainly an early 18th century one. I do appreciate that Gráinne has that hard, pragmatic edge that I respect in the Gráinne that we read about in the State Papers and in Bingham’s recollections - a very matter of fact, no nonsense woman who would do whatever it took to survive. Though I do think that she probably didn’t really spend that much time thinking about Elizabeth. It seems slightly unrealistic to me that, knowing how pragmatic Gráinne was, that she would really, really concern herself that much with Elizabeth, especially when she would have had powerful women like Iníon Dubh closer to home. There are some really nice, poignant moments as well that the hard edge masks, like the moment where she asks after a piece of hair that sent on to her son Owen. When Gráinne is in her natural element, having fun on the open sea, taking vengeance, and getting to be angry and proud and fierce, as well as the moments where she shows a softer side....those are the moments that make it for me. But then we’re back to the sex and romance, to the point where the book is literally divided by which man she’s screwing at the time.

Also, despite wanting to LOATHE Tigernan, as an OC love interest of Gráinne’s, I did find myself warming to him, as he has a nice, laid-back dynamic with Gráinne built on trust and filled with plenty of banter. Next to her, he is probably the single best developed character in the book, though, unfortunately, he does get it through a ton of space devoted to his thoughts, his pining for Gráinne, and his intense jealousy for the many times she chooses someone else over him (mainly because he never tells her he loves her and then he feels like she owes him for what he does for her - yes, there are some Nice Guy tendencies here, but, honestly, after about the second or third time this happened, I was very pro-Tigernan running away and finding a better gig for himself.) No, besides being Catholic and lower class, we don’t really have that MUCH on him outside of being Gráinne’s first mate, but, honestly....that’s still more characterization than the others get, and, at least as of Chapter 24, he hasn’t done anything TOO atrocious.

My PETTIEST of bitching/impromptu liveblog beneath the cut:

A VERY pedantic thing: Llewelyn says, multiple times, that the English would anglicize her name “Grace”. In reality, no one in Early Modern England did that, it came much, much later. In all the Letters of State, she’s referred to as “Grany” or a variation of that name - An English attempt at “Gráinne.” That’s also why you’ll notice that I tend to refer to her as Gráinne here - It was the name she was known by in her own time, it was the name her contemporaries called her, and so it’s the name I call her.

"He wore a full and drooping mustache in the old Gaelic style, though otherwise he was cleanshaven.” Again. MINOR nitpicking. The Gauls were the ones who, traditionally, we associate with the droopy mustaches. In the sagas, beards are given a TON of prominence, to the point of being the marker of being a man. So. Odd choice on Tigernan’s part there. I know that Llewelyn didn’t intend to write him as a 16th century Irish coxcomb, but…well.

"He realized he had made a bad mistake in referring to her peculiar relationship with her husband. He had been in the castle at Bunowen himself; he had seen with his own eyes that Grania’s belongings were taken to one bedchamber, and Donal O Flaherty’s were put in another. Many might speculate in private about the arrangement, but only a fool would have mentioned it to her face.” As I’ve mentioned before, I really, really don’t think this relationship was as loveless as it’s generally portrayed as. I don’t know whether they were PASSIONATELY in love (and unlike a certain biographer, I won’t try to fill in what I don’t know with what I WANT her to have had), maybe they simply got on, but they did have three LIVING children. And I underline “living” because there were likely more. “Likely more” means that they probably did regularly share a bed, at least as much so as their respective schedules allowed.

“Aye, and didn’t she put her children out to fostering before they could stand? A woman’s not usually that anxious to get away from her children that she takes to the sea to avoid them.” Given that fosterage could begin VERY early, I really, really don’t think anyone would have questioned this at all. Gaelic Ireland, simply put, often didn’t have our own conception of the nuclear family, and this was generously provided for in the law codes. Fosterage was useful as a way of maintaining ties between both neighboring families and, most especially, between kings and their vassals, with vassals often fostering kings’ sons. (That way, if the king should die with multiple possible heirs, it means that the kids have people backing them for the kingship.)

"I think that husband of hers had been crying poverty so loud and long he made her deaf to everything else” - Not to be #TeamDonal on main, but the facts as they’re recorded tend to have a strong pro-Donal bias. Take the words of his 17th century relative, Ruari O’Flaherty: "Of all the western O'Flaherties, Donel an chogaidh , although not the chieftain, was the most powerful and opulent.” Most. Powerful. And. Opulent. Yeah, Donal wasn’t crying poverty to anyone. Could he have been lying through his teeth? Maybe. Who knows? But this is ONE thing we have on Donal’s personality, recorded not too long after he died, by a historian who would have had close access to O’Flaherty sources. I believe him. And, I’d even be willing to commit the ultimate heresy and say that Donal’s success was not due entirely to his wife.

She does use the proper terms in a few places! Such as “rechtaire” for “steward”. (Io stem, masculine.)

“You are a noble Irishwoman, you go to no man’s bed unless you want to.” COMPLICATED. Arranged marriages were definitely the norm, and, in the legends, we get to see the unfortunate downsides of what happens when a woman is coerced into a marriage she doesn’t want, generally by an older man, while she is generally pining over a younger one. I wouldn’t say it was something that people LIKED, the fact that this entire genre exists is a pretty good example of people being like “DON’T DO THIS SHIT”, but I can’t say it didn’t happen. Examples of this include Fingal Rónáin, Tóraigheacht Dhiarmada agus Ghráinne, Longes mac n-Uislenn, Aided Con Roí, etc. I would not say that it was considered to be an IDEAL, it was something that was definitely warned against, but it could, in theory, happen. It wasn’t necessarily a legal form of marriage, but it was a form of marriage.

"Shorter than Cuchullain or Brian Boru,” PETTIEST of pettiest bitch complaints, but Cú Chulainn is generally described as short. I know, I know, not what she’s going for. But still. Let me be a petty bitch on this one thing.

“Times have changed,” he said impatiently. “Those are archaic luxuries, and luxury has worn thin here. Perhaps in Umhall there is still leisure for sitting around listening to bards, but it takes every resource I can command just to maintain my territory against those who constantly nibble at my borders.” MOST. OPULENT. AND. POWERFUL. Okay, but one thing that she does get right, and is right to emphasize, is the importance of the bard - chieftain relationship. This was really, really one of the key relationships in a chieftain’s life, to the extent where one of the privileges of the chief ollaimh was the right to sleep with the king in his bed. And yes, it was EXACTLY as homoerotic as it sounds. For a chieftain to not keep a bard - It’s actually a really, really stupid move on Donal’s part, not just for the sake of tradition, but because…who’s going to be there to remember him and keep his memory alive? Who’s going to write praise poems for him (and for Gráinne! The chieftain’s wife was often celebrated in verse.)

"Grania had brought a handsome marriage portion with her, her own property under the Brehon law, for a woman of her rank must be able to stand on equal footing with her husband.” Accurate - Gráinne would have, most likely, been a cétmuinter, or chief wife, under the law, and her union to Donal would have been a union of equal contribution. (Donal also might or might not have owed her a “Thank you for your virginity!” Present on their wedding night.)

“The priests are right in giving husbands authority over their wives,” he had shouted at her then, while she pleaded to be allowed to keep her babies with her longer. “The old Gaelic way gave women too much freedom altogether, and you are a fine example of the folly of that custom.” Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now. This is just….GAR. GAR. Or, as Llewlyn likes to say every five seconds…*Dar Dia*. Suffice it to say, the question of how much freedom post-Christianity Ireland had for women VS Pre-Christian Ireland is an endlessly long topic that has to begin with how we define “freedom” and, specifically, which women get it. (Sucks to be a slave girl no matter what.) But also, while women definitely DID have power (EVEN POST-CHRISTIANITY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH)…that doesn’t mean that it was that COMMON, or that post-Christianity radically changed how (un)common it was. This is just…too blunt, too much of a caricature, and also happens to be insanely, insanely anachronistic. (Also: What would a 16th century chieftain really KNOW of the Old Gaelic Way? He would know about women like Medb, yeah, and he would probably see her as evil and uppity, depending on which stories he’d read - Though as a Connachtman, he would probably be inclined towards being on her side. But that doesn’t mean he would have really thought “Oh, yeah, pre-Christianity, women had SO MUCH power.” Lawlessness and chaos tend to be features of pre-Christian Ireland in the medieval writings, but I wouldn’t really say that liberated women….were? Especially because in those same writings you have women like Emer who, while distinct in their characterization, are still very much proper and chaste women who keep to the house.)

“I warn you, Grania—you will accede to me in this or I will send you back to Clew bay and denounce you throughout Connaught for a lack of womanly graces. Is that what you want, to be sent home rejected with your shortcomings shouted from the hills?”

“Who would believe such charges?” she had demanded to know, outraged at his unfairness.”

I’m just going to say it now: She could sue him SO MUCH in a proper Brehon court if she could get some witnesses to say that they heard him talking shit without cause. So. So much. So. Much. Donal would be losing a solid chunk of his goods. Though I will point out that, technically, since Gráinne isn’t sleeping with him, she isn’t doing her proper duties as a wife, laid out by the Brehon laws, and so, yeah, he could probably have a case against her. (For what it’s worth: If he was refusing to sleep with her, she could ALSO divorce him, with him explicitly being at fault and having to pay up. It was equal opportunity, in that sense.)

The Brehon law keeps being called “pagan” and…no. No non noon no. It had its origins in pre-Christian Ireland, likely, and that’s why a ton of legal scholars, with a few noted exceptions, tend to be strongly Nativist, but that doesn’t mean that, by Gráinne’s time, it hadn’t been more or less adapted into Christian marriage in Ireland, albeit sometimes semi-awkwardly. (For example: Polygamy was allowed, but the law very much privileged the rights of chief wives, including their right to toss their husbands out on their ear for taking in a woman over their head.) There’s this odd obsession in the book with Brehon Law =/= Christian Law, and that’s definitely not the case. You wouldn’t have had two marriage ceremonies, one under the church and one under the Brehon Law, because the Brehon Law would apply no matter WHAT. It’d be like forcing a couple to undergo a ceremony after their official wedding where a bunch of lawyers read out of a law book to them. It just wouldn’t happen.

“The Augustinian monks of Umhall, who taught me history in my childhood, explained that when the Romans left England and that land sank into barbarism, it was missionaries from Ireland who took God’s words to the British tribes and taught them to read and write.

“Perhaps they hate us, Donal, for being a more ancient and educated race. Perhaps they mean to drag us down by treating us as savages until we do not remember ever having been anything else. And along the way they can take our land from us with a clear conscience because we are only savages and deserve no better.”

On one hand, it DOES capture that note of PRIDE that tends to be there, loud and clear, in the texts, especially, say, Auraicept na n-Éces, which claims that Irish is a perfectly formed language, made from all the best bits of the Tower of Babel’s languages. (And….well….”The land of saints and scholars”. Ireland WAS a hotspot of monastic activity.) And, honestly, I support showing off the literary side of Ireland, since it doesn’t get discussed enough. That being said, no monk in his right mind would have said that it Irish missionaries civilized Britain. Why? Because Patrick came from Britain. Or, rather, Britannia, more accurately. He wasn’t an Englishman, not in the modern sense, he would probably be Welsh today, but he was from a monastic, educated family (despite claiming his Latin was poor in his Confessio, it’s actually quite good - Patrick was a MASTER at using humility as a rhetorical device).

"Grania slept naked. She liked her skin to breathe as she slept, not encumbered with a gown that would twist and bind.” “And then Gráinne froze her ass off because the nights in Ireland, even in the warm heat of summer, are cold and bitter as a Norseman’s frozen tit, if there were, in fact, any Norsemen in Ireland in the 16th century, and frequently require multiple blankets + a solid duvet. Gráinne then died of pneumonia several weeks later, making for a very short book.” Also. Again. If this were a male author. I would have committed a murder at this point.

Reference to saffron dye - NICE. This was really a staple of the clothing, for both men and women, to the extent that it features a LOT in accounts of Ireland at this time.

“By the paps of Danu!” No one. In 16th century Ireland. Would have shouted out “By the paps of Danu!” “By the Washington Monument!” “By the Lincoln Memorial!” “By the stunning cliffs of Oregon!” Sounds rather silly, doesn’t it? (Though if you WANTED to start shouting “BY THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL!” Well. I’m not here to stop you.)

"She was small for a Gaelic woman, and pale, a tiny wraithlike creature who exuded a contradictory air of resilient strength.” I’m not going to say that Chambers is WRONG, because, of course, Irish women come in a variety of shapes and sizes. You know, like people everywhere. But I WILL say that, during my time here, it’s the only time in my life that I’ve felt at home, because, for the first time in my life, I’m not short. Also, I want it on the record that now, whenever I see her, I’m picturing the little old woman who sits in on research seminars and who has the entire department scared shitless. Tiny, but MIGHTY.

"Her only ornament was a triskele of silver in an ancient pattern, suspended upon her flat bosom by a leather thong.” The Triskele is a Neolithic symbol used through the Iron Age, DEFINITELY not in use, in Ireland, by the Early Modern Period.

"“Evleen Ni Brien-“ That would be “Ní Bhriain” in modern Irish. Normally, I wouldn’t be THIS nitpicky, but hey, if you’re patting yourself on the back for the research you did and then can’t be bothered to put in a fada + the proper possessive form of “Brian”. I also don’t THINK that the “Ní” form had been adopted yet, I’m fairly certain that’s modern, so it would, more properly, be Evleen iníon Bhriain. Though, since it emphasizes that she’s from the Dál Cais and the O’Briens are predominately associated with them, I’m going to GUESS the proper form would involve her father’s name. It would be “Evleen iníon *possessive form of father’s first name* Uí Briain”.

"He had only heard whispers of such people, but enough tales still abounded concerning them to make them readily identifiable—even if this one did claim the noble name O Brien.” You know, in Reign, when you have a bunch of druids dancing in the forest and everyone was like “That’s fucking ridiculous!” Yeah. Yeah. That’s exactly how I feel right now. Druids DID last for some time in Ireland after Christianity, but not INTO THE 16TH CENTURY.

"“Of course not. But neither can I forget that it was the strictures of that faith which kept me bound in marriage to a man I learned to despise.” Divorce was still a thing. There was no problem, in theory, with getting married at a fully Catholic altar and then dumping them for getting jiggy with the serving girls a few years down the line. Llewelyn’s misunderstanding of the relationship that the Church and the Brehon laws BOTH played in the lives of people (SHOCKINGLY ENOUGH, the Catholic Church was NOT seen as pure evil by every day people at the time, who had to flee into the arms of the Brehons for comfort from Mother Church. Note that I’m saying this as a confirmed and strong atheist.)

Can I just say that the scene where Gráinne’s feeling up Hugh (the OC) in his sleep would be MUCH creepier if the genders were reversed?

"But he was not the man he had always been. He was some different person here.” Wow, the sex must be REALLY good!

"set in violet shadows that spoke of wonderfully sleepless nights.” Why is it that when I stay up doing an all-nighter, I end up looking like a raccoon going through its emo phase, but when Gráinne tumbles some random dude for a little while, she gets “violet shadows?” It’s not right, I tell you.

"“Was your marriage so bad, Grania, that you have turned your back on your own womanhood forever?” GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Well. Now I know where The Pirate Queen gets its “Your ultimate worth as a woman and happiness in life is decided by whether or not you have a dick in you” philosophy. I wish I hadn’t known. But now I do.

“That’s the way it is with men,” he said. “They touch us. For the feel of strong arms around her and a solid chest to lean her head upon, a woman will put up with a lot of misery. It’s the curse of our skin to be hungry for the feel of a man’s skin.” GAAAAAAAAH. GAH.

"God the benevolent patriarch promises us rewards in the next world if we’re willing to sacrifice in this one. But maybe I don’t believe in patriarchs anymore.” Totally a thing that the real Gráinne Ní Mháille would have thought. Because women, in general, in the 16th century had the terminology to make these critiques in this exact way.

" If one satisfaction was snatched from her she would find another; if she lost love she would embrace hate, and glory in it.” Oh, god, not THIS motivation for a female character, please. Gráinne Ní Mháille was a hell raiser from birth, there’s no reason to think that, because she lost her boytoy, that really radically altered her life path.

“I wonder if Tigernan thinks you and I are damned,” she asked her husband. “We were wed in no chapel.” Given that there were nine degrees of marriage under the law, of varying types of legality, I doubt it.

Yay, exactly what this book needed: More sex!

I’ll be real: Richard Bingham playing Weddingcrashers at Margaret’s wedding only to nearly get his ass handed to him by two members of Gráinne’s family is truly an #Iconic moment. 10/10, if the rest of the book was like this I could die a happy woman.

"It was not an Irish face, but the eyes were unforgettable.” ….what is an “Irish face?” Especially post-Norman invasion? What does an Irish face look like?

“There are rumors he gained his inheritance by murder, and it is said outright that he and his mother between them drove his first wife into her grave.” Yay, the return of the Oedipus complex! My favorite thing in this book!

"Grania herself slept alone in a tiny walled guest chamber above, but she was aware of Richard sleeping in the same house. A strong man, sleeping naked in a bed … .

How people change, she thought to herself with amusement. This is definitely not the same Grania whom Donal an Chogaidh knew.”

Yay, MORE sex! MY FAVORITE THING. IN THE WORLD. BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS WHEN I READ THE LIFE OF GRÁINNE NÍ MHÁILLE?"**MORE SEX**.”

" If Richard took her at all, he must take her under the old Gaelic concept of “marriage for one year certain” to see if they suited one another.” Ah, yes, the old Gaelic concept of marriage that mysteriously shows up in no legal texts, legends, or genealogical tracts. A very authentic Gaelic tradition, very old, much wow. (For what it’s worth….the Telltown marriages are as close as this comes, but the thing that makes them stand out is that everyone KNEW they were the oddballs.)

"According to pagan custom—which still lived in uneasy truce with Christianity in many parts of Ireland—there were ten degrees of marriage, all the way from a union between propertied partners of equal rank to union by abduction or the mating of the mad. From any of the ten a child could result, and the brehons therefore had allowed for every child’s rights to be recognized by the social order. No human containing an immortal spirit could be illegitimate.” The astonishing thing is that it’s very, very obvious that she read Cáin Lanamna for this…and then proceeded to not apply it to any other time except for when it was necessary.

"How can I be Grania if there is no Tigernan at my shoulder?” Yes, because we all know that the thing that really defined Gráinne Ní Mháille was, in fact, the men in her life.

"Evleen smiled. “At least it isn’t fettered with Christian chains,” she said. “You were wise.”” Oh, God help me. There’s no way to have a marriage in Early Modern Ireland not “fettered with Christian chains” because Christianity IS the religion of the people.

Remember when Gráinne was described as “More than master’s mate” to Richard Burke, implying a union that was mutually respectful? Yeah, me neither. I’m so glad he’s a one dimensional sexist with mommy issues. That’s such a new, innovative take on their relationship. I LOVE to see it. (Note: I’m saying this as someone who HATED Chambers’ blatant shipping in her biography, but hey. I can’t deny what the first hand evidence says. Unlike Chambers.)

" I’ll get the O Lee—he’s our ship’s physician, and at least he can-“ Unless the chieftain of the O’Lee family moonlights as a ship’s doctor, you wouldn’t call him The O’Lee. Just say “I’ll get Aidan O’Lee.” Or, even, “I’ll get the ship’s leech!”

“TAKE THIS FROM UNCONSECRATED HANDS.” I won’t say that all’s forgiven because, I’ll be honest, I really, really hate this novel at this point, but you know what? This forgives at least some of this novel’s sins. One of my favorite tales about her being brought to life on page by a very talented author does make for a high point, between this and Gráinne avenging the boytoy.

Okay, I’ll be real: The O’Donnell and Gráinne boasting about their respective kids is really, really cute, and I accept it because my very first exposure to Early Modern Ireland was “The Fighting Prince of Donegal.”

The O’Donnell talking shit about English poetry is…..very accurate to the time and the mood. My personal favorite genre of Early Modern Irish poetry is probably “The English aren’t shit.”

"Black Hugh nodded. Grania stood up, and Philip Sidney rose with her, as smoothly as if they were joined at the hip. Tigernan uttered a strangled curse. The sasanach was taking hold of Grania’s arm as if she were an old woman and he were a blackthorn stick for her to lean upon! Was that some English custom, insulting the strength of women? Or did he mean to grab her and make off with her?” Honestly, for once, Tigernan is a #Mood.

"But when Philip’s hands moved over her body, Grania discovered that all human landscapes have a certain similarity. She knew his touch as male, and hungry, and when she returned it in kind she felt a familiar rising response that flattered her and made her eager for more. Within the bed they did not seem to be foreigner and Gael. They were just man and woman, enjoying each other.” I ENDURED THE SEX SCENE WITH PHILIP FUCKING SYDNEY. SO THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS TO.

And, just like with Richard, no one can match up to Wonderful Boytoy Huw.

"She prances along the seaways as if she had a man’s balls, John, and by the bright blue eyes of God, it should be my hand that grabs those balls of hers and crushes them.”” Oh, GOD, I THOUGHT THAT THE PIRATE QUEEN’S MOST INFAMOUS LINE WAS JUST BAD LYRIC WRITING. I DIDN’T KNOW THEY TOOK IT *FROM THE NOVEL*. WHY, MORGAN LLEWELYN. WHY.

Look, I’ve made it to Chapter 24. There are 32 in total. I COULD read the rest of the way, since I want to see how poorly the treatment of Elizabeth is going to be (I’d be very shocked if there isn’t some variation of Not Like Other Girls involved), but also: I do not care at this point. I might pick it up again, but also: A bitch is tired. And illiterate. Perhaps, if I’m ever feeling brave, I’ll take on the last eight chapters, but for now: I’m calling it.

#long post #grace o'malley #gráinne ní mháille #chaos-yet-harmony

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sirsapling · 4 years

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MORE TAGGED POSTS

I got tagged in a bunch more things I didn't respond to fast enough, so UNDER THE CUT THEY GO.

I have too many things to respond to, so I won't be tagging, but consider yourself tagged if you want to do any.

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

Tagged by the wonderful @bardingbeedle

Pass the happy!🌻🌿 When you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications!

Lying in warm blankets in an cold room. Bonus points for snow outside.

A fresh Buzz cut

Talking to @bardingbeedle

Having long, passionate rambles about the Marvel Ultimates

Hashbrowns, bacon, maple syrup, maybe a pancake, and a sausage too.

Tagged by the chaotic @s-hylor

top 3 cities you want to visit: Toronto, again. Colorado (I know its a state not a city I just want to visit ashes AND GET SNOW). And I would like to go back to Italy again. (I also want to visit, just, all of my fandom friends but I don't want to drop all their locations lol)

favorite marvel character: Ults!Steve Rogers and then Ults!Tony Stark. Not counting stony, Anthony the brain tumor, and not counting clones, Gregory Stark.

white chocolate - yay or nay?: Love it, love it, love it.

favourite board game: God Save The Queens- A board game about Bees I invented with 3 other people at University last year for a project.

how many countries have you been to: 10, I have been very luckily graced with the ability to travel to Europe with school a lot.

(Wales, France, Belgium, Germany, Switzerland, America [Florida, Boston, New York], Spain, Portugal, Italy, and finally Canada.)

favorite thing to do on a rainy day: Anything indoors I might usually feel guilty about doing when its sunny. Tv or games particularly

favorite holiday: Christmas. I am a Christmas slut, call me festive sapling I LOVE Christmas.

pen or pencil: Pen. I once bought 7 in lisbon at the same time bc they were perfect and I didn't want to run out.

favourite kind of soup: Cupasoup Chicken noodle, I don't really like soups tbh, I like broths, and gravy type things I make too much of and eat like a soup (like golden Currys or korma sauces)

your typical order at a cafe or coffee shop: Caramel Frappucino or an iced Mocha. If I'm gonna pay a fuck tonne for coffee I'm gonna get a drinkable dessert.

favorite ride at an amusement park: Any slow rides that show you shit, like spaceship earth at EPCOT. I’m not really a speed dude.

the color of your sneakers: RED, red shoes are the shit folks, a good pair of red converse goes with everything.

favorite pbs show (or little kids show if you didn’t have pbs): Uh I used to watch pokemon then winnie the pooh every single night. But little little kids show I used to watch a show called 64 zoo lane with my grandma so I have fond memories

Rules: name your favorite female characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by the wonderful @ashes0909

Natasha Romanov - Marvel Cinematic Universe

Carol Danvers - Marvel 616

Janet Van Dyne - Marvel Ultimates

Izumi Curtis - Full Metal Alchemist

Martha Jones - Doctor Who

Garnet - Steven Universe (if she doesn't count bc, space rock, Connie)

Rosa Diaz - Brooklyn 99

Ann Perkins - Parks and Rec

Princess Caroline - Bojack Horseman

Pam Poovey - Archer

LOOK I know there was a lot of cheating here, but I don't have non marvel fandoms really, and I have a hard time remembering a lot of the TV I enjoyed.

Rules: Share your top 10 AO3 additional tags. Tagged by the mysterious @nigmuff

look I don't know if I have enough tags to make this a justified representation, but the ones shown are v much on brand.

Fanfic trope meme

I was tagged by the delightful @capnstars and @crownofstardustandbone

slowburn or love at first sight // fake dating or !!!secret dating!!! // enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers // oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence // hurt/comfort or amnesia // fantasy au or modern au // mutual pining or domestic bliss // smut AND fluff // canon-compliant or fix-it // reincarnation or character death // one-shot or multi-chapter // kid fic or road trip fic // arranged marriage or accidental marriage // high school romance or !!!!middle-aged romance!!! // time travel or isolated together // neighbours or roommates // sci-fi or magic au // body swap or genderbend // angst or crack // apocalyptic or mundane

Look guys, I’m boring. I like domestic 30-40 year olds in secret relationships. We knew this.

And now buckle the fuck down folks because I'm about to answer 50 questions about me no one is gonna stick around and read.

tagged by @bardingbeedle the only person who would put up with reading this much about me.

What is the colour of your hairbrush?

I have a buzz cut, I don't have a hair brush anymore.

Are you typically too warm or too cold?

Too warm. I have been warmer than most people my whole life, and I often need to sleep with a fan on.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Working on a sketch for an MTH fill (update from the end of this: I have spent an hour doing this fuckin thing)

What is your favourite candy bar?

Bounty. My favourite candy is Reese’s Pieces but I like a bounty. Or like, and chocolate without fruit in it tbh.

Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

Yes, one of my parents referees Championship Football here in the UK. I have been to a few of his games. I also went to the London 2012 Paralympic closing ceremony, if that counts.

What is the last thing you said out loud?

‘Oh, this will last me a few days’ I was talking to my mother about 1/2 a can of pringles, I was lying.

What is your favourite ice cream?

Vanilla. I am boring. But the best ice cream i’ve had was a cream/milk flavoured gelato in Florence, that shit slapped. I also like cheap strawberry ice cream when no one is trying to put strawberry bits in it.

What was the last thing you had to drink?

Dinner. A spinach, banana, summer fruits and coconut yoghurt smoothie (with extra raspberries). Its my nightly dinner to cheat more veg into my body.

Do you like your wallet?

Very much. It’s about 7-8 years old, it is faded to hell but it has spiderman and a pony ride stony pin

What was the last thing you ate?

See above smoothie comment, but if that doesn't count, a sugar free mint polo.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

Nope. I don't buy as many clothes as I want to, bc mens clothes in larger sizes are hard to find or expensive here.

The last sporting event you watched?

F1, I don't keep up but I watch a little with my dad every now and then.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn?

BUTTER. They don't really have it here, and I don't go to movies much when in the states. But @festiveferret introduced me to it when we saw Ant-man and the Wasp, and much like poutine and Tim Hortons, I still crave it.

Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

My dad.

Ever go camping?

Yes, I was a Scout. I have done enough camping to not want to do more, it was fun when I wasn't organising it.

Do you take vitamins?

Yes, but not as often as I should, and as much as my mother bothers me too.

Do you go to church every Sunday?

Nope, not even when I considered myself christian. I go only go to church for other peoples events, and I’m an agnostic now.

Do you have a tan?

I cannot tan. I just can't, I burn lobster red in 5 minutes outside without literal sun cream for BABIES

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

Chinese food, It was easily what taught me to like more foods also, I don't eat tomato so I can't have most pizza. I love a good garlic base/bechamel, but you can't really get that here easily (yes yes I could make my own but that ruins half the point of pizza)

Do you drink your soda with a straw?

I don't drink carbonated drinks, because its like drinking pain. The fuck is wrong with all of you.

What colour socks do you usually wear?

Various colours, but I consider red on the left, blue on the right, my lucky socks. No I don't know why, but I take all exams and interviews wearing them. It’s just a thing.

Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I don't drive, but if I did, No. Theres a lot of questionable laws out there but Traffic laws aren't one of them.

What terrifies you?

Pfft, most things from spiders to rollercoasters. But more seriously, Being shouted at. Shout at me and I start hyperventilating, its a thing. Also not knowing if someone is mad at me. I’m not good at reading people,

Look to your left, what do you see?

The wallet shown earlier, and the sugar free polos mentioned after that.

What chore do you hate?

Vacuuming. It makes everything in my body hurt. I would rather clean toilets.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

@s-hylor

What’s your favourite soda?

See above. I do not like your pain liquid. Apple juice for life.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus?

Either delivery or kiosk, I don't like talking to people where possible, I often need tweaks I don't want to have to remember to repeat.

Who’s the last person you talked to?

@downeyhills

Favourite cut of beef?

I don't generally eat beef, lamb, or most red meats. I love crispy chilly beef, but as anyone can point out its bc your generally don't feel the texture of the beef.

Last song you listened to?

Everybody Wants to Rule the World | Tears for Fears | Pomplamoose

I’m on a Pomplamoose kick, and I also just love this song anyway.

Last book you read?

Understanding Comics (The invisible Art) - Scott McCloud

Favourite day of the week?

Friday nights. The weekend is ahead and @loraneldin and I take to wrangling our beloved usual suspects through another week of Ults Book Club.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I can barely say it forwards.

How do you like your coffee?

With milk and sugar, or ultimately, in a Caramel Frappuccino bc I'm a bitch like that.

Favourite pair of shoes?

I have walking boots that don't make my flat ass feet feel like they’re dying. OR my black and green crocs (Fight me, they’re useful).

The time you normally go to sleep?

9-10 is what I'm working on, but I fluctuate depending on if I'm working on something or not.

The time you normally get up?

5-6 If I have a choice in the matter, but often 7-8 if I didn't get to bed at the right time. I’m more about getting the right hours in for my diet than time specifically.

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?

Sunset is the prettiest, but I like to be awake to see the sun rise.

How many blankets on your bed?

One big thick comforter, because that's the uk standard, and I get too hot otherwise.

Describe your kitchen plates

Two types, big wide white ones with a navy blue rim. They are so large I never use them, and little Navy saucer plates I use a lot.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

I don't drink, so no. I drink apple juice or Shirley temples when I'm in pubs/bars

Do you play cards?

Sometimes, I like to teach people to play Old Maid. It’s the monopoly of card games.

What colour is your car?

Again, I do not drive.

Can you change a tire?

I am aware I just said I don't have a car, but I do know how to change a tire. Everyone should go learn its pretty simple.

Favourite job you’ve ever had?

I have only had one job really and two job experience jobs. I did experience in a school library for a week and that was v fun and chill. I did all the jobs they had prepared for me in 2 days so I alphabetically reorganised their fiction section for the rest of the week. I LIKE ORDERING.

How did you get your biggest scar?

I no longer have a gallbladder, so I have 3 scars across my torso from that, the biggest right in the middle of my ribs. Non surgical wise I have matching scars on my knees from ripping holes in them when tripping. I have weak ankles and also I got both of those at different times.

What did you do today that made someone else happy?

I gave my spare animal crossing Iguanodon skull to a wicked artist I follow on twitter so he could complete his dino park.

#text post #tagged in #wow long post #wow x2 #tag memes

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rminate · 4 years

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plotty things: still in the mood to keep short threads, but in the meanwhile I had to get these out of my brain :-)

whether they’re indie or krp is written above each blurb. none are gender-specific unless it is specifically noted! click.

krp or indie Okay but a superhero / villain encounter for Benjamin??? I only got to write like 2 things ever concerning his background and he needs more. General mutants would be welcome too-- they don’t necessarily have to be a solid presence with a costume and alias.

krp Chiseul running into her old group mates. They threw her under the bus when her scandal happened and faksdfsl I just need that super awkward, unexpected run-in where no one knows what the fuck to say. The other muse can be apologetic or not. Either one.

indie Luciana needs a (female) crush, y’all. And threads in general. :`(

indie Tay also needs connections !! Other muses in the film / tv industry would be lovely. Preferably friends and buddies to hang out with but they’re pretty obvious when they don’t like someone, so maybe we could do something with that too ~~

krp or indie Something angsty or really nice for Jaesun. Your muse making one of the specific noises he cannot stand and snapping at them (WAY out of character for him), or some kind of best friend. They smoke cigarettes at 2am outside convenience stores and talk about life and stuff and go out when it rains bc it’s relaxing.

indie or krp Additionally “you’re the 1,000,000th person to point out my accent haha thanks for noticing just like literally everyone else ever”

krp or indie Christian at an awful family reunion-type thing. He and your muse realize that wow the older ones are kind of shitty and still very close-minded, yikes. They either make up fake “acceptable” lives and laugh about it in secret, or try to push a few buttons.

krp + or, he gets pretty low-risk jobs but maybe this one is different?? Some chaos. Unexpected difficulties with a hint of violence or smth- Or maybe more than a hint. Everyone wants darker / less fluffy plots so I’m inviting you cowards to pLOT this with me. He fcking hates his job and needs a drastic reason to quit.

indie Uhhh yeah so for Lynette, can I have a rivalry where both parties act snarky and can’t stand each other in public but then angrily make out behind the scenes and no one else knows??? Big bonus points if it’s another girl but not required :-)

indie or krp Noah being an asshole like “lol you thought we were a thing? I’m only in South Korea for like three months so I dunno where you got that idea from. I needed to pass the time.” Or for the indies, just generally “nah you’re not special” and oof- maybe he’s lying??

indie or krp (but he’s taking a break from tattoo’ing in korea) The “tattoo shop person + flower shop person” cliche... reversed. Liam as the guy who’s always smiling but with a fondness for leather jackets, and maybe a spitfire but they wear flower crowns and when they walk around people are just like ???? Or the flower shop person could also be a softie I am 100% for all that too ugh

krp Liam! Being! An! English! Teacher! Co-workers. Maybe generally working at the same school? Or someone he gets super close to bc they were there when he was first stressing about settling in Korea, and now they’re really close and kind of... really physically affectionate?? Could be a platonic thing or it slowly goes romantic (but that 100% depends on chemistry)

#krp indie #indie rp #indie krp #open starter #krp starter #I'll make this less !!! later on today so sorry it's a grammatical mess

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dramallamadingdang · 5 years

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Speaking of religion, I saw in a lot of MTS off-topic discussions that you identified yourself as a Christian and defended it a lot. I think you even said once that you were waiting for your husband to die so you can remarry? IDK. What made you switch to our side?

Ooooooh, deconversion testimony. Let’s do this thing, man!

Yes, I was a quite fundamentalist Christian, in certain respects, for a long time. I was part of a non-denominational church that had strong Pentecostal leanings. The theology was very much of the “hellfire and brimstone” variety, and to this day I can still speak in tongues with the best of them. *laugh* Thankfully, I had not been indoctrinated into any religion as a child, but rather did the “Save me, Jesus!” prayer at the age of 15, after attending my friend’s Assembly of God church for a while off and on, mostly when I’d stay over at her place on Saturday nights. Initially, my conversion was mostly an act of rebellion against my nominally-Catholic but spiritually lackadaisical mother. (By that I mean that she’s probably always been atheist but she never wanted to use the “A” word to describe herself because of its negative connotations, particularly amongst her very Catholic family.) But, even though I didn’t really take it seriously at first, Fundie Christianity got its hooks into me pretty good.

That being said, I always had some beliefs that did not toe the party line, as it were, precisely because I had not suffered childhood indoctrination. The primary things that I had to keep more on the down-low were that I could never be anti-gay, nor could I ever accept creationism as true. (I saw the latter as utterly idiotic even when I was at my Christian-est, although for a while I was convinced of intelligent design.) However, I was very convinced of God’s existence, and I swallowed the hell thing whole, and I believed that the Bible, aside from its creation fairy tale, was all true but that it needed to be read in historical context in order to understand what it “really meant.” That last bit was how I got around thorny things like, for instance, the Bible’s denouncement of homosexuality in both of its Testaments as well as its balls-out endorsement of slavery in both Testaments. But, I did love me some Jesus, yes. I was one of those who focused more on on the happy-lovey verses in the New Testament while deliberately not addressing the far more numerous horrifying bits in both Testaments. I coasted along in my faith just fine. I was even good at winning converts for the church because, having been raised by lawyers who wanted me to be a lawyer, too, I was indoctrinated into bull-headed logic and rhetoric and argument as a child. :)

Problems began, though, when I married my first husband. We married in 1992, so I’d been Christian ~15 years by that time. About a year after we married, he began to buy into the Duggar-esque “the man is the head of the household and the woman must be submissive” bullshit. Thankfully, he didn’t want to have two dozen kids, at least. It was bad enough, from my point of view, that he wanted a wife who did what she was told and waited on him hand and foot, with bonus sex toy functions on demand, all in the name of the Lord. I, as a dominant female raised by very strong 60s-era feminists – as in, both my mother and father – had…hmmm, difficulty with the whole submission thing, though I did try really, really hard, much to the detriment of my mental well-being.

Secretly, though? Well, secretly, I deliberately took off my “God glasses” and began to do some extremely intense (and, notably, objective) Bible study that incorporated non-religious academic study materials along with the standard apologetic stuff. I spent hours at the library (since the interwebs were in their infancy at the time *laugh*) researching and studying because I refused to accept the notion that the God whom I loved and who I knew I loved me really just wanted me to be chattel, not much different from the livestock that people also weren’t supposed to covet. I was confident that this could not really be the case, and the lawyers’ kid in me wanted to be able to present a solid, well-argued, airtight case to my husband (and to the church as a whole) that would make him see that he was wrong about what God wanted, and then everything would be just fine.

Of course, my husband wasn’t wrong, as it turned out, and thus began my disillusion. I started studying other topics that nagged at my conscience in the same way and…Well, as they say, the easiest way to become an atheist is to be a Christian and objectively read the Bible. (There’s a reason that laypeople reading the Bible is discouraged, if not outright disallowed, in the Catholic church.) So, from the early 90s on, I began a long, slow slide down the slippery slope to apostasy. I didn’t recognize that that was what it was, of course. I thought I was discovering the “real Christianity” that all the people in the church pews, with dogma up to their eyeballs, were missing. Turns out, what I was really discovering was…Well, not to put too fine a point on it or anything, that the Bible is BS and so is Christianity in general. And, after expanding my self-education to include other theistic religions, thinking that maybe one of them was right, that, alas, there is not a single sliver of evidence for any god. I could no longer in good conscience believe in any god, not unless/until I had evidence of he/she/it/them. Which, to date, I do not have. (And frankly, if one day I do have evidence of Yahweh’s existence, at least, and if he is what he says he is in the Bible, then I will no longer be an atheist, but I will deem Yahweh unworthy of worship. I’ll be spitting “How dare you?!” at him, all Stephen Fry-esque. I would rather burn in hell than eternally worship such an abhorrent creature.)

Anyway, by the time I was participating in threads on MTS about religion, my husband and I had divorced, and I was probably ¾ of the way down the apostasy slope. At that point, I was still calling myself a Christian but a heretical one, and until about a year ago or so I called myself a Deist because while I could no longer in good conscience call myself a Christian, even a heretical one, there were things that I clung to that I did not want to let go of. Mostly because of “personal experiences” that made me want to think there was a God of some kind. But about a year ago or so, I finally let it all go, to make a long story short, and it was an enormous weight off my shoulders. I’m now comfortable with being publicly truthful about what I am, no longer fearing the “A” word.

That being said, although I have great antipathy for Yahweh himself, I don’t hate Christians or people of any religion. Nor will I “preach atheism.” At least, not here. ;) So, if you’re a Christian or other theist, fear not. I will probably be no more or less of a godless heathen on this particular blog than I have been before. I am, however, considering making an atheist-themed personal sideblog or something, which I would use to occasionally wax anti-apologetic and whatnot. In general, I think it’s important for American atheists, especially, to be “out” if they can be, because America is highly religious, particularly in certain areas, and people who are not with that program need community, especially if they’ve been ostracized by friends/family over their lack of belief. Not to mention the creeping fingers of Christian dominionism in our current government, with things like “religious freedom” bills and the Congressional “Freedom Caucus” and Project Blitz and such, all of which needs to be fought tooth and nail. But…I don’t know that I have the energy for another blog. We’ll see, I guess.

Oh! One last thing. Yes, I did indeed keep my marriage vows post-divorce. Christianity aside, I take serious vows…well, seriously. :) So, although we divorced, I did not sleep with anyone else until my first husband died. I almost didn’t even date anyone else, though current husband and I started dating about 4 months before my first husband died of pancreatic cancer, which at least was after I knew he was terminal and in hospice care. So, yeah, I was celibate for ~17 years. Call me weird, if you wish, but…Well, I take vows seriously. It’s just how I am.

#replies #Anonymous #non sims

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milliondollarbaby87 · 5 years

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Here are the Male performances that have made my top 25 for the 2019 films that I managed to see throughout the year. This will include some 2018 films by date but due to the UK release dates they were available for this list. I actually had 45 on the long list so to cut it down it was a very tough ask! Some amazing films and therefore performances in 2019!

Taron Egerton as Elton John in Rocketman from Paramount Pictures.

My Cinema 2019 list – here 2019 Films overall – here

25. Viveik Kalra – Blinded By the Light (Review)

I am a massive Bruce Springsteen fan which is certainly a good start when you see Blinded by the Light and Viveik Kalra gives a truly lovely performance in this film. Really capturing the magic of the Boss’ lyrics and highlighting just how life changing music can be, putting in the lyrics into very good scenes and moments.

24. Randall Park – Always Be My Maybe (Review)

I think I enjoyed this film more than I actually was supposed to and Randall Park was certainly a big reason behind that. He was brilliant in the leading role as the guy who had pretty much been friendzoned and works very hard to get out of that. His comedic timing worked so very well and you could not help but like his character.

23. Daniel Mays – Fisherman’s Friends (Review)

I don’t really feel like many people actually saw this film with it being quite a small British one. But I am pleased I managed to see it because it certainly brought to life the lovely true story of the group of Fishermen who ended up singing together on albums. Daniel Mays is the producer who comes across the group and feels they could make some money off them, but it ends up more than that and he shows some very good character development.

22. Anthony Hopkins – The Two Popes (Review)

The Two Popes certainly wasn’t my idea of an interesting topic for a film, but the performances are truly outstanding that was something that I was expecting especially from Hopkins who can do nothing wrong when it comes to films. He was engaging enough from start to finish and really was believable in the role.

21. Jonathan Pryce – The Two Popes (Review)

Following on from Hopkins it really was amazing to see Jonathan Pryce in this type of role as he is certainly one of my favourite actors. Working well as the pair he gets the slightly better and bigger role as it was the more difficult character to take on.

20. Bill Nighy – Sometimes Always Never (Review)

Another of my absolute favourite actors in a rather unseen film with Bill Nighy as the father searching for his missing son and in return neglecting everything else that is going on around him. Using scrabble as a way to connect and believing he has been reunited due to an online game. A very different type of role and very enjoyable to see him branching out to something different.

19. Kenneth Branagh – All Is True (Review)

I can totally appreciate how amazing Branagh was as William Shakespeare in this film as he also directed himself. I wasn’t a very big fan of the film overall but the performance really does deserve a lot of praise, I mean come on just look at how unrecognisable he is! You can tell how passionate he was about the story and bringing Shakespeare to life in a different way to performing in one of his plays.

18. Sam Rockwell – Jojo Rabbit (Review)

Is there any role Rockwell cannot do? I mean playing a Nazi is now added to his list, but not any Nazi, a Nazi that is willing to poke fun at the poor decisions and being what turns into an amazing role model for young Jojo. Everything around his performance is so good mixing emotions with comedy in key moments.

17. Tom Holland – Spider-Man: Far From Home (Review)

I really don’t think the world was emotionally ready for Far From Home, the first post-Endgame film from Marvel. Tom Holland’s Peter Parker was all of us in grief for the legend that is Tony Stark. In what is an impressive action film it packs so much emotion and we felt fully on the journey with Peter. Holland has really grown in the role and made it more than his own with a unique carefree style.

16. Nicholas Hoult – The Favourite (Review)

In a strange way it makes me sad that Hoult did not really receive enough credit for his pretty much perfect performance in The Favourite. The female performances are truly outstanding and it felt that he was just overlooked, so I am making sure he gets plenty of praise by having him rightly in this list!

15. Al Pacino – The Irishman (Review)

Sometimes I feel that due to my age and the years I really started getting into film that I still haven’t caught up and see the best of Pacino. His Jimmy Hoffa in The Irishman is an amazing performance and really makes me want to try and watch his better films as in recent years it has been rather mixed. He was outstanding on screen with De Niro and Pesci that is for sure!

14. Steve Coogan/John C. Reilly – Stan & Ollie (Review)

I have done this one as a double feature as Coogan and Reilly are both amazing and one would not be amazing without the other. The level of performance to truly become Stan and Ollie is amazing. You just have to see the scenes compared to the original clips to appreciate how much work was put into this lovely little film.

13. Clint Eastwood – The Mule (Review)

You may or may not know that Clint Eastwood is another of my favourites and lets face it he was pretty much the only actor around who could pull off this role. The old man who became a drug mule!

12. Archie Yates – Jojo Rabbit (Review)

Archie may not have had the biggest of roles in Jojo Rabbit but he was certainly stealing those scenes he was in, with perfect delivery and the innocence to really pull it all off. Amazing that this was his first ever film role and you have to look forward to him being cast in the Home Alone reboot!

11. Robert Downey Jr. – Avengers: Endgame (Review)

Everything had built up to this film and the moments within it and the character development for Downey Jr has been going on for so many years now with Tony Stark growing with each film. We would see another side to him throughout Endgame and it was an amazing performance to watch.

10. Robert De Niro – The Irishman (Review)

I feel De Niro has not actually been given enough credit for his performance in The Irishman you know as the actual Irishman. He has not received any award love and I personally feel it is such a shame, especially when you think it is best acting he has done in the past 20 years. Working so well with Pacino and Pesci!

9. Christian Bale – Vice (Review)

Unrecognisable for his role in Vice which was an incredible performance even if the film is not the best in terms of enjoyment factors. But it has also confirmed that I really watch just about anything with Bale in it, he pushes the boundaries in all of the right ways and that is why he is at the top of his craft.

8. Daniel Craig – Knives Out (Review)

The soon to be former James Bond has a complete change in roles, although we could say Logan Lucky was that turning point. In Knives Out he is a character you would never have thought he would play especially when he gives the unreal donut metaphor scene! Linking together with the very talented cast and quite frankly holding the film together as the detective.

7. Antonio Banderas – Pain and Glory (Review)

Now I feel seeing Pain and Glory which was actually on as a Cineworld Unlimited Screening which I must add only had about ten people attend the cinema, which was a shame because Banderas is utterly outstanding in the leading role. A Spanish film which I throughly enjoyed from start to finish. Attempting to battle his demons as his life has come crumbling down around him.

6. Joe Pesci – The Irishman (Review)

I feel Pesci is truly outstanding in The Irishman and stole every single scene he was in, absolutely love that he came out of retirement to take this part. It’s actually different to the style of character he has played in the past which was an added bonus because his acting was then different, the silent assassin at times.

5. Richard E. Grant – Can You Ever Forgive Me? (Review)

A true gem of a film and Grant works so well with Melissa McCarthy to bring to life the true story of Lee Israel who committed literacy forgery, he became her only friend. Grant was outstanding to watch as the over the top Englishman and I loved everything about his performance.

4. Taron Egerton – Rocketman (Review)

Isn’t is a shame for Taron Egerton that Bohemian Rhapsody and Rami Malek came out before his Rocketman performance as I truly believe because of that film he has not fully received enough praise for his turn as Elton John. Not only the acting performance but he recorded all of the songs himself as well. He is quickly becoming one of my favourite young actors.

3. Joaquin Phoenix – Joker (Review)

I don’t care what anyone says Phoenix is outstanding in Joker and his character development is on another level. When the casting was first announced he was always going to be amazing and that is shown within the film, he does not take on easy roles at all and that is confirmed with this one!

2. Adam Driver – Marriage Story (Review)

I don’t think a performance broke my heart as much as watching Adam Driver in Marriage Story. The layers and level of performance was amazing and on a totally different level. He had an amazing 2019 taking on so many different characters and I loved everything about this especially with the Losing My Mind scene as well!

1. Roman Griffin Davis – Jojo Rabbit (Review)

Could only be on actor in the top spot for 2019 in my opinion and a very young actor with that 12 year old Roman Griffin Davis. Jojo Rabbit is his first ever film role and he completely nails every single thing throughout the film. The range and level of emotion he must show from start to finish really shows that he is a true star in the making. He can make you laugh and then cry in later scenes as he is attempting to come to terms with the war and wanting to be Hitler’s friend. I honestly think he deserves so much praise as what a way to make your film debut!

Which were you favourite male performances in 2019?

Top 25 – Male Performances in 2019 Here are the Male performances that have made my top 25 for the 2019 films that I managed to see throughout the year.

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cescalr · 6 years

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In Another Universe - ‘Shot 3 Preview

Cafes, Coffees, and Contract Killing. The Usual Sunday, Y'know.

Summary:

What it says on the tin. Desmond Miles works for an organisation that uses Coffee shops as a front. He's been trained to do so since he was little - put a bit of poison in a drink here, get someone's number there and then murder them in their sleep. There's a blond guy that frequents the Starbuck's down the street that seems like he might be useful - if, of course, the other organisation (which, coincidentally, runs a chain of coffee shops; what is with secret organisations that kill people and caffeinated beverages and little cakes?) doesn't get him first.

(He's cute, too, but that's only a bonus. Really, Desmond insists, it both has nothing to do with anything and hardly even registers on his radar.)

(Lucy - a girl who works at the Starbucks and one he can't quite tell if works for them or for /Them/ - calls his bluff. But then, what does she know?)

(Too much.)

Notes:

The assassins are a smaller coffee shop/cafe chain, and the Templars are Starbucks. Obviously.

(lol.)

Desmond spends most of his ays standing behind a counter, memorising faces and orders and checking people for small crosses, hoping that he's not mistaking simple Christians (or goths, or other people who wear them ironically, or people who believe in vampires... or literally anyone, because it's not just Christians that wear crosses) for Them.

If he figures out a person really is one of Them, well, then his real job kicks in.

Desmond smiles at a girl - cropped brown hair with a blonde streak, grey eyes that might be flecked with blue if he squinted slightly (but he won't, because that's not generally very attractive), a nice jawline and high cheekbones - and thinks, what a shame.

A pretty face like that shouldn't be wasted on a Templar.

(On someone within the organisation that killed his mother.)

Desmond introduces himself to the girl, who blushes faintly and smiles, easy, flirts right back. It's almost too easy - but then, she could always not be a Templar.

That wouldn't explain why she glows red when he focuses, though. Maybe she's just a run of the mill serial killer. Maybe she has a personal grudge because there's a lot of time he doesn't remember from that short stint 'on the run'.

You can't run from them. You most certainly can't run from Them. So Desmond came back because at least here, there's no chance They'll try to kill him on his home turf. They're the only ones stupid enough to shop at their enemies store, after all.

Either way, she's red in his vision. So either she's one of Them, or she needs to die anyway. Hell, she could be a rapist, he hadn't thought of that - and if that's the case, then she'd definitely need to go.

"So, Hanna," He says, "What brings you here today?" after their little bit of small talk - she's from out of town, like most of the Templars. Supposedly, Hanna's here to visit family - she's got a temporary job at the Starbucks, and that's all the confirmation he needs, really. You don't get a job if you're only visiting for a couple days.

(To clarify; another assassin would need more. He doesn't even need this much, really - the red of his second sight is more convincing to the higher-ups than even the best of investigation. But Desmond needs more confirmation than that, for peace of mind.)

She smiles again, practically throws her dimples at him, and leans forward. Her top has a low neckline - because of course - and Desmond lets his eyes stray. Her smile shrinks, more of a smirk, and the dimples are gone. Hanna says something entirely unimportant because now he knows she'll accept him writing his number - the one he uses for this sort of job, for the phone they keep elsewhere in case of tracking - and he nods, and she smiles, leans back. Desmond gets Hanna her drink personally, then writes her name on the cup - underneath, he scrawls his number, fast but careful, and then hands it over.

She smiles to him behind her cup, then nods and sashays out of the store. Rebecca, who's manning the register, snorts.

Rebecca's their cashier. Unofficially, because the organisation can't afford to be official, she's their technician and backup support on missions and... the other thing. She also does a lot of inventing in their spare time, alongside Layla Hassan, who, coincidentally, invented the other thing.

(Layla's a turncoat from the Templars. It's always nice when that happens, given how... uncertain a specific blonde woman's loyalties are.)

The Other Thing, the thing that Layla invented, is what Desmond spends a lot of his time using when he's not working or - well. Working.

(Fortunately for them, even though she invented it for the Templars, back when she'd been wholly agreeing with them - and mostly unaware of their true nature - she hadn't been quite as good as she is now. Meaning, their Thing is better than Their Thing.)

"Templars," Desmond agrees.

"Always swayed by your charms," Rebecca laughs slightly.

"I suppose my face helps," He grins a little, eyes wandering around the crowd. They're not as big a chain as Starbucks, but they're getting there. About ninety-percent the size of Costa, now.

(Of course, Starbucks is way, way bigger than it lets on, given the whole Templar nature of it all.)

"And there he goes..." Rebecca says, conspiratorily, as she follows someone with her eyes that's walking down the street outside.

Blonde. Blue eyes, Desmond thinks, from what he can see. Desmond hasn't found out the guy's name yet, given he seems addicted to the shit they sell at Starbucks and hasn't looked twice at this place since the day he showed up in town.

As they've dubbed him, the 'definitely-not-a-templar Starbucks Blonde Guy', is walking down the street towards his usual haunt.

(They had to add 'guy' to the moniker because they've already got one of those in female form. That's always been the issue with Lucy, as far as Desmond knows. He hadn't met her before he left, and she'd been planted before he got back. Desmond talks to her now, obviously - 'old friends', or so the cover says. He has to visit her at work occasionally, to prove that, and it's a little dangerous, but he doesn't mind it, because - despite the wariness - he does genuinely enjoy her company.)

(... there might be other motives, too. Motives that might also be blonde haired, motives that might have blue eyes.)

"And there he goes," Desmond echoes. Rebecca glances at him, but Desmond waits until Blonde Guy has moved out of his line of sight before he looks to her.

"Y'know, I'm glad you came back when you did," Rebecca says. "We'd have killed the idiot otherwise."

"Hey now," Desmond says. "Liking terrible coffee does not an idiot make."

Rebecca rolls her eyes. "Just tasteless, then." She replies.

"For all we know, he could hate it, and they really have put addictive shit in their flavoured water." Desmond points out. "True," Rebecca sighs. "If only I could get a sample..."

"I'm not buying that shit," Desmond says. "Get Lucy to do it."

"She refuses." Rebecca looks vaguely annoyed, vaguely worried. That's kind of her whole thing, regarding Lucy.

"Of course she does," Desmond says. "'I can't tell you everything. It would blow my cover. I can't get a coffee or two for friends. It'd blow my cover.'" He half-quotes, half-mimics.

"Yep." Rebecca sighs. "And if she can't figure out a good cover for getting her poor uni roommate some caffeine, what can she do?"

The mood sobers. They care for Lucy - of course, they do. She's one of theirs. She's also a close friend. That's what matters more; that's what makes this worse. Desmond's just glad he didn't know her Before. Rebecca sometimes crashes at his or Shawn's or Layla's because of it, and the tiredness on her face when she does suggests a recent argument. One she never wins, of course. And one that always hurts.

Another customer comes up to the counter. Desmond plasters a smile on his face, tilts his head and focuses. Bright blue - friend. Desmond nods to him, holds out his hand, and the other shakes it, nods back. Assassin, Desmond knows. He pockets the note as he asks for the man's order, treating him like an old family friend, as they're instructed to whenever someone from another branch shows up.

The man looks to be a few years his senior, and he speaks with a Russian accent. Definitely not a local branch, then, but Desmond can't remember if they still have one in Russia. The Templars have a pretty strict hold, there.

Regardless - it'd be rude to ask.

The man leaves with his straight black Americano and ginger biscuits, and then Desmond taps Rebecca on the shoulder three times before moving away, into the back. Two people appear after Rebecca types something into her register - Shawn's visiting (he usually stays at the uni campus, working in the library and keeping Templar hands off the valuable and dangerous materials kept there under various forms of physical and computerised security) so he takes over Rebecca at the till, and Emily - a non-assassin that works here because they need that diversity, in case the Templars get suspicious - takes over Desmond's place at the counter.

Rebecca follows him into the back, and then they look at the note.

Clay Kaczmarek might be useful. Son of Harold Kaczmarek, descendant of a few different assassins. Now that's definitely useful - the descendent thing.

The picture attached makes things complicated, though. Blonde. Blue-eyed; younger, but still, the spitting image of Not-A-Templar-Starbucks-Addicted-Blonde-Guy.

Rebecca shares a sigh with him, adds her own quiet "crap" to the mix.

Yep. That about sums it up. Still - at least Desmond now knows why the guy glows gold in his other sight.

#Mine. all mine | My Post #.txt | Text Post #fic preview #fanfiction #claysmond #au #coffee shop au #assassin's creed #rebecca crane #desmond miles #clay kaczmarek #lucy stillman #shawn hastings #layla hassan #modern day AU thing eh #assassin's creed fanfiction

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but-the-library-of-alexandria · 7 years

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dnd characters I’ll never use: player or npcs

I already shared this with my dnd playing friends but I’ll put them here too to spread the love far and wide. Disclaimer: I’m not at all experienced with dnd, these are all largely based on fun character ideas and not very rooted in stats, class stuff or tactics. Genders are of course always arbitrary and interchangeable.

Before she was a party member, she was a store clerk. Worked at a soul-sucking supermarket. Has very high persuasion, charisma and constitution. Why? Dude, she’s worked in customer service. She had to pretend to be friendly while putting up the with the worst humanity can offer. War is nothing. She’s being dragged along on this quest, but is largely apathetic. Her job has crushed her spark for good. True neutral. A bard? Maybe? It makes sense that she went to music school and ended up with a retail career.

A paladin/knight who thinks he’s Don Quixote - naive and good-hearted, a classic white knight who wants to rescue all the damsels and ride all the noble steeds. The drawback is that he’s a complete idiot. Very low wisdom and intelligence. Good combat stats, and amusingly high charisma. Probably a noble. Very green. Lawful good to the max.

A fine lady who is extremely posh, quite elderly. Lost her rich husband recently. Probably owns a poodle called Wetherby. Wields the biggest, most vicious giant axe you’ve ever seen. It’s called Verity. She is, in fact, a barbarian. Lawful neutral.

(Based on a tumblr post) This character is secretly just two gnomes stacked in a trench coat. Nobody but the DM must know. Try to keep up the facade for as long as possible. Why are they doing this stunt? Literally just fee evasion. It’s cheaper to pay for one human with very short arms than two gnomes. Obviously chaotic, neutral or good. Maybe each is a bit different.

An ex-schoolteacher who becomes the group mother. Literally. She calls the party her ‘children’. A bard, Sound-of-Music style? Or a cleric. Very patronising in the way she speaks. However, much liked. An all-rounder. Lawful good. Might make a good patron-type npc.

A bard who literally thinks life is a musical. Always singing; speaks only in song, or if she does speak, it’s in a disney-like tone - strong Giselle from enchanted vibes. Terrible stealth modifiers, because she does her own theme music like Kronk. She and the above paladin knight fall in love instantly. Nobody has ever understood either of them until now. They will definitely insist on romantic duets and a giant fancy wedding, despite not really knowing each other. Noble background; an ex actress. Lawful good.

Someone otherwise useful and skillful, perhaps a rogue or a fighter, who has a weakness of instantly falling in lust with any villain they encounter. They just have a thing for the bad guys/girls. Chaotic good, or lawful neutral.

A character who can’t seem to talk without mentioning her boyfriend, Freddie: ‘it’s just like Freddie, my boyfriend, said the other day… Back in the city, where I met my boyfriend, Freddie… damn, this monster is so tough even Freddie, my boyfriend, might not be able to kill it!’ Freddie does not, as it turns out, exist. After this is disclosed, the question is - was she lying? Does she actually think Freddie is real? Is she crazy? Or did Freddie exist, once, and some magical weirdness is going on? Who knows. The poor girl - probably a cleric or someone religiously magical - clearly has some mental shit to deal with.

A mage or sorcerer who performs magic in the style of irl kids’ magicians. They don’t actually believe in magic, and keep insisting it’s all just clever tricks and illusions. Idk enough about the magic-type classes to decide which one this would suit best - maybe a book-learned character, who thinks their entire education system was just really in-character with the whole ‘real magic’ thing. A wizard? Very lawful - so lawful they can’t conceive of a force as irrational and physics-defying as magic. Probably good.

A character who is the butler of another party member - jeeves-style, long-suffering and ever efficient. His most common line is “*sigh* very good, sir/ma’am.” It would be cool if he was a monk class character - maybe coming from a kind of ‘training temple’ for butlers, Artemis Fowl style. Has the patience of a god, the combat skills of a champion street-fighter, and makes excellent tea. Might be a good player character for someone who’s new to dnd and is coming with a friend - or rather, a good character for someone who is experienced and is bringing an inexperienced friend, whose butler they could be. The butler could then advise and cover for their inexperienced ‘master’.

A variation on the above: a character travelling with their fussy, overbearing mother or father, another obviously good one for a friend to teach their inexperienced new friend how to play.

A religious character, probably a cleric or paladin, who has an element of the creationist fangirl-religious Christianity of the midwest to her. Speaks in a texas drawl. She wears a shirt that says ‘what would [insert name of deity here] do?’ and is always singing the praises of their lord/lady and saviour, trying to convert people and reminding everyone of various rules from their holy book. Lawful neutral, because she follows the rules of the faith no matter how immoral they may be. Often burst into hymns. Everything good that happens, it was the lord’s blessing. Everything bad, it was punishment for some obscure sin. Probably had a rough background and found and adhered to this faith later in life, as a kind of religious rebirth - maybe to escape a criminal past…?

A character who is a child but has all the skill in certain areas of an adult. Very creepy, Wednesday Addams vibes. Talks like a grown up. Dark and cynical. Always underestimated. Probably a sorcerer. Neutral or maybe a tad evil. Maybe could be a halfling or something, to implement that small-cute-person stealth bonus. Occasionally takes on the performance of being a normal little girl to manipulate NPCs - fake crying to get to the front of a queue, etc.

Two PCs who are long lost siblings. The DM and the two players know this. No other players and none of the characters know - including the two characters who are related. One or both of them may know they have a lost sibling, but it is only in the course of the game that they find out who they are to each other. I feel like this would be most interesting if they were of a non human species, and of very different backgrounds and classes, and maybe different alignments.

A character who is joining the party as a tourist. He has now retired from adventuring in his homeland and travels around other lands, getting the ‘authentic local experience’ by tagging onto other people’s quests. If you’re in a steampunk-y setting or your DM will let you homebrew it a bit, it would be great if he had some kind of camera and was always snapping pictures at inappropriate times. It would be even better if some of these pictures ending up being vitally useful later in the game. Probably neutral good, probably something pretty low-key class wise. Could be joined by a tour-guide type PC.

A variation on the above: a young character who is trying to break into the adventuring career market and is tagging along on work experience, always taking notes. This might be a good one for a new and inexperienced player to help them learn without compromising their characterisation. Neutral good, any class really.

A member of a certain race who is convinced they are of another race, probably due to adoption, and will attack anyone who tries to correct her, like Ellie in ice age 2. The more physically different her ‘real’ race and her ‘adopted’ race are, the better. A warrior type, hot headed. Chaotic something. Maybe even a barbarian. Someone you would be too scared to contradict.

A case of mistaken identity - the party assume this character is someone, but later it is revealed that they are in fact just a delivery boy or a maidservant. There was a mix up, they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and when the party mistook them for a powerful ally they were planning to meet, they were too awkward to correct them so they just went with it. The party shouldn’t know they aren’t who they say they are until the person reveals it, either by making enough mistakes and confessing or by being outed by someone else. An NPC or a player. Probably chaotic good. Definitely a people pleaser. Poor kid.

A ‘male’ character who is actually a woman wearing a fake moustache. She had to fake her gender to get into a prestigious all male institution - maybe a cleric or paladin, or a wizard at wizard school. Definitely a con-woman type background. Intensely good persuasion modifier so that people genuinely believe she is a man as soon as the moustache goes on. Other players may or may not know her real gender from the start. Chaotic good.

An adventuring couple who have decided to spend their honeymoon, or second honeymoon, fighting and killing with the rest of the party. Fighters or another physical-combat-heavy class. Good. Full of romantic stories about people they beheaded together and times they almost died together. Bonus points if they have, are having or have had an adventuring child too - the kind who was already wielding a tiny knife in the cradle. Good for couples who play together, and good if one partner is just teaching the other to play, so they can stick together and help them.

A druid who has spent her last ten years in animal form. She has now almost forgotten how to be a person. Still forgets she isn’t an animal sometimes. Lots of animalistic mannerisms and slip ups - trying to fly, using the wrong body language, etc. She’s just very frazzled by everything right now, so please just go easy on her, okay? She’s trying her best to readjust.

A pirate woman who sailed with an all-female pirate crew on a ship with a massively misandristic name. She’s almost definitely gay and very much a bitch to men. Sailor-pirate background, probably a simple fighter, chaotic neutral af. Bonus points if she was the captain. Double bonus points if she was the captain because she engineered a mutiny and is now constantly afraid of finding her jilted ex captain (and possibly also her ex lover) hot on her heels. More bonus points if she is a very butch, bearded dwarf lady.

Champion athlete who turned their particular sporting prowess to a life of adventure, because of some event that befell them - maybe a medal winning runner’s hometown was sacked, and their swiftness allowed them to save forty children before the fires reached the school. Or maybe a record-breaking swimmer was the sole survivor of a flood that wiped out their people and now they have to get by on nothing but their wits and their abnormally massive deltoids. Obviously good stats relating to their sport. Class will depend on the sport too. You could get really creative with sports lauded amongst different races, eg. a dragonborn who was the world champion at distance fire-breathing.

(Based in a tumblr post) A bard whose main attack is Vicious Mockery. Super chaotic neutral, they focus on almost nothing else, just developing this one skill until they can practically just kill with a single insult. Their main driving motivation or goal is to eventually find a certain person - maybe a powerful and abusive parent figure or a hated tyrant, someone who did evil to them or their people - and just fucking obliterate them with the perfect, all-destroying insult, which they hope to have composed by the time they meet this person.

The youngest son of a king or ruler with like twelve children, so far from inheriting the throne nobody knew what to do with him and he ended up being tossed from institution to institution, being kicked out and kicked out until he joined the current party (or an institution the party are working with if he’s an NPC). He’s pretty dumb, with no education, essentially raised by castle servants and never learning a thing about politics. Probably a fighter. Low intelligence, good alignment. All is well, until, uh oh, all his twelve brothers die at once and he is suddenly expected to be king. What do? Help me, more intelligent party members!

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