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egcdeath · 2 years ago

Text

the l word

pairing: joel miller x reader

summary: the five times you realized that you loved joel, and the first time one of you says it.

word count: 9.1k

warnings: canon divergent, no apocalypse, 5+1 fic, hurt/comfort, a certain someone gets punched, brief mention of postpartum depression & abandonment, really brief mention of physical abuse in 3, fluff, domestic fluff, angst with a happy ending, found family

author’s note: happy very early valentine’s day! this is part three of the soccer parents au, you can read spectator sport (p1) and clean sheet (p2) here!

this fic would not be possible if it were not for the help of @freakinfairykind, who sent me the idea for scene 3 and listened to my thought vomit whenever i hit a roadblock! you can thank them for the brilliance that is what occurs in that scene :)! enjoy!

part four / series masterlist

Zero

After Nathan, you were sure that you would never fall in love again. Love was supposed to be beautiful and soft—a random bouquet of flowers, having a whole conversation with just your eyes, sweet messages sent to you when you expected it least and needed it most, and foot massages after a long day. For you, love had been nothing of the sort—settling for mediocrity, spitting out venomous words during arguments, and biting back tears on forgotten anniversaries.

Love wasn’t kind or patient, or rainbows and flowers. Love was a storm cloud that followed you around when you were around him, pouring sadness and anger on you and striking you with lightning bolts of resentment.

Maybe some people just simply weren’t meant for love. Maybe you were one of them.

One

After years of trying to hold together a failing marriage and hide the myriad of painful feelings you were going through for the sake of your daughter, bottling up your feelings had become your preferred coping mechanism to everyday stressors.

For the most part, it worked for you. Sure, some days were harder than others, and the smallest confrontation or blip in the day would send you spiraling; but more often than not, you were able to compartmentalize whatever was bothering you and save it for a rainy day.

That was part of what worked so well about the relationship you had with Joel during the soccer season—you had the opportunity to unscrew the lid of the shaken bottle of your feelings just a little bit, taking some of the edge off by yelling about completely inconsequential things. But now, you don't have that outlet. And today was one of those days that you desperately needed it.

Nathan had come by to pick up Chloe just a bit ago, and it was very obvious that she hadn’t exactly wanted to spend her weekend with him. Some of her friends were going to the mall and having a sleepover, and because Nathan wasn’t particularly fond of their parents, he’d very openly told her no. She begged and pleaded to stay with you (mainly so she could go hang out with her friends), which of course broke your heart a little bit, but also led to a pretty dramatic outburst from your daughter to Nathan when he’d picked her up.

“You’re raising a spoiled little brat,” he hissed at you, pointing an accusatory finger once Chloe was in the car.

“At least I’m raising her. You only show up when it’s convenient for you,” you shot back. If Nathan wanted to stoop low, you could fall to his level. “Put your finger down. She’s watching us.”

“A little argument won’t hurt her,” he scoffed. “See? You’re proving my point: you spoil her too much.”

“Because years of watching her parents bicker wasn’t traumatic enough? Get in the fucking car, Nathan.”

He huffed, looking back at the car, then over at you. “Fine. But before I go, I’d appreciate it if you stopped talking poorly about me in front of her. Clearly she’s listening to you and acting out because of it.”

“Have you considered that you’re just a shit father and maybe that’s why she doesn’t like you?” you were already making your way back inside, feeling the avalanche of emotions beginning to stir inside of you, and a little frightened of what might come out next.

“You’re still such a bitch. Every day I praise every deity that’s out there that I left your sorry ass.”

You were viciously fighting the urge to get the last word in, knowing that whatever would come out next wouldn’t be good, and you certainly didn’t want Chloe seeing you like that. You left him with a sarcastic thumbs up, then slammed your front door, taking deep breaths to attempt to calm yourself down.

You crumbled down in front of the door, still maintaining slow and deep breaths. It was no big deal. Nathan just says stuff like that to stir the pot. You just needed to find something to take your mind off of everything. Your mind went to the scarf you’d been working on crocheting, something you could mindlessly do for a little while while you cooled off.

The scarf was going well. You were calmly crocheting the evening away when you checked your phone to find a few apologetic messages from your coworkers. Feeling confused, you went on to check your email, only to find that the promotion you’d spent the last few months of your life slaving away for had been given to someone else—someone who had worked half as hard as you, and even took credit for a few of your projects.

Your hands shook as you set down your phone and attempted to pick back up the crochet hook. You were fine, right? Sometimes these things just happen. Sometimes you sacrifice hours of your free time, hours of time you’ll never get back with your child, or significant other, hours you’ll never get back of sleep, hours of-

You cut your mind off, tossing aside the scarf and taking a deep breath. You were gonna be okay. This just meant you could take your foot off the gas going forward, since your work, effort, and time clearly was not being valued. Maybe you would just sit at your desk and play games, then slap your name on projects and presentations like Naomi. Maybe you’d just-

Your phone began to vibrate on your bed and your immediate reaction was to silence it, but upon checking the contact name, you became slightly more inclined to answer.

“Hey! I almost thought you weren’t gonna pick up,” the man on the other end chuckled.

“Is everything okay?” you asked, although you weren’t sure you’d be able to handle anything else today. With how your day was going, Joel was probably calling you to break up.

“Better than okay. We finished up early, and Sarah’s already at her friend’s. You in the mood for some company?”

No, not particularly. In fact, if Joel came over, you’d probably end up going off on him over something you don’t really mean, successfully putting an end to the best thing you’ve had in a while.

“Uh,” your voice cracked, and a rogue tear slipped down your face. You didn’t even know that you were on the brink of tears. “I’m sorry,” you uttered, digging the heels of your hands into your eyes.

“Sorry for what? You don’t have to feel bad for not wanting me over,” he said genuinely, not picking up on your emotional state over the phone.

“No, I do want you over,” you whimpered. “I just… I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“What? I promise you I’m not going anywhere. Well, I’m going home now, but I can also come to your place if you want me to.”

“Please,” you grit out.

“You okay?” he asked, finally catching on to the fact that something was very off with you.

“I don’t know,” you confessed.

“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“No.”

“You sure you want me to come over?”

“Yeah,” you sniffled, desperately trying to fend off your tears.

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon, alright?”

“Bye,” you hung up, burrowing yourself under layers of blankets and curling up onto your side. Maybe this tidal wave of emotions would pass by the time Joel got to your place. You closed your eyes as you took deep, shaky breaths, wiping away stray tears every now and then as they fell. You could pull yourself together.

You kept telling yourself this as you dragged yourself out of bed to answer the door, but the moment you saw Joel with a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers, you completely lost it. He immediately tossed the items down and pulled you into a tight embrace, not exactly knowing what was wrong, but instinctually wanting to comfort you regardless.

You didn’t even really know what it was either. Sure, you were pissed that you’d lost the promotion, and even more upset that Nathan had called your daughter a name while insulting your parenting skills, but it was far more than that. It was every little thing from the past two months that had upset you in some capacity that you had decided to push as far down as possible.

You sobbed until your throat was raw and your eyes grew sore from crying so much. The whole time Joel wordlessly held you, rubbing soothing circles into your back and swaying you back and forth just the slightest bit. You almost felt like your tears would never stop, and the more you willed yourself to pull it together, the harder it was to do so.

Finally, you pulled away, head hanging with humiliation by the emotions abruptly pouring out of you. You truly felt like a live wire. You should’ve just told Joel not to come over.

“Want me to run you a bath?” he asked softly, tilting your chin up so he could look at you, and rubbing a thumb over your cheek. “Or is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“A bath is good,” you said quietly, averting your gaze. You almost felt like a toddler in the midst of a tantrum. The shame of being a grown woman who couldn’t even control her emotions was overwhelming, but Joel didn’t seem to mind much at all. He simply led you up to your bathroom and quietly filled the tub for you, checking it every now and then to make sure it wasn’t too hot. Once the tub was filled up, he helped you undress, then held your hand as you stepped into the tub.

“Would you like me to stay?” Joel asked as you settled into the tub.

“Not really,” you admitted.

“Okay. Just yell for me if you need anything. I’ll be downstairs.”

Somehow, the bath was everything you needed. It was just warm enough to relax your rather tense muscles, and just quiet enough to allow you to actually process your thoughts. You sat and soaked in the bath for a while, just inhaling the scent of lavender, and trying your best to let go of the feelings that you’d been holding onto for so long.

Eventually, you felt ready to talk about things, and called out Joel’s name, who after a moment, showed up in your bathroom and sat down on a towel next to the tub.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, reaching for your pruny hand.

“Better,” you answered as you laced your fingers with his.

“Well, I’m here when you feel ready to talk about it. And if you don’t feel ready to talk about it, that’s okay too.”

“Okay,” you said quietly. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, the apology being more of a force of habit.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Joel assured, “we all feel our feelings sometimes,” he pushed away a bit of hair that had fallen into your face.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this, I guess,” you continued. It had been a while since you’d shown any negative emotions in front of anyone, let alone a significant other. In fact, the last time you’d been sad in front of a significant other, you’d been laughed at and mocked. You’d been conditioned to see your own vulnerability as weakness, as a character flaw you needed to apologize for.

“Like what? Naked?” he teased, trying to at least make you smile when you’d clearly been feeling so down. “You know I don’t mind that at all. Seriously, though. There’s nothing wrong with being upset, and there’s nothing wrong with being upset in front of the people you care about.”

A tear slipped down your cheek. It had been so long since anyone had made you feel like you weren’t a burden for having a rough day. Joel gently brushed away your tears with his thumb, and kissed your forehead.

“Thank you,” you muttered, feeling all sorts of feelings, particularly one feeling you couldn’t quite describe that had been lying dormant for years of your life.

You eventually got out of the tub once the water had become too cold and you had become

somewhat of a human prune, and you found yourself curled up in bed with Joel, wearing a flannel that he’d left behind the last time he was over.

“Feeling any better?” he asked once again, gently rubbing your back as a trashy reality TV show played quietly in the background.

“Yeah,” you mumbled as you looked up at the ceiling, “it’s been a rough few months.”

“Months?” Joel asked, scooting closer to you. “What’s been happening?”

“Too much to get into,” you sighed. “I guess it just all came out now.”

Joel turned down the volume of the TV, and turned his body so that he could face you properly. “If you want to talk, we have the time. I may or may not have drank a coffee on my way over here, so I’ll be completely alert for the next few hours.”

He gently grabbed your hand and squeezed it, a little reminder that he was here for you.

“Today’s just been… bad. When Nathan picked Chloe up, she was upset so he called her a spoiled brat and said that it was my fault that she was one. Obviously I do a lot for her, and I know that I’m a good mom, but sometimes the way he talks about her scares me a little. I don’t want her to have self-esteem issues because her dad likes to name-call. I mean, she’s probably gonna have enough issues from our shitty relationship and messy divorce. That really upset me, but that definitely wasn’t the last straw or anything.”

Joel silently sat and listened, holding your hand and listening attentively.

“I lost the promotion, Joel. You know, the one I’ve been working absurd hours for? But it’s not just that, it’s just… there are months of emotions I haven’t had a chance to process. I guess it just all came out now after that.”

“I’m so sorry,” he said softly. “Nathan is an asshole. He shouldn’t be saying that kind of thing about his child just to make you feel bad. And your boss is stupid for not giving you that position when you’ve clearly earned it. Everything you’ve felt today is valid, but so is everything else that you’ve been holding in for the past… however long. It’s okay to feel your feelings in the moment instead of waiting for them to boil over.”

“I guess, it’s just… I don’t know. I’ve had to be strong for so long. I don’t know if I know how to not wait for my emotions to boil over.”

“Well, you don’t have to be so strong anymore. You’re not alone,” he assured you. “If you ever need me to watch Chloe because you need to go out to the middle of nowhere and scream, or just need someone to talk your feelings out with, I am more than happy to do so. Okay?”

“Okay,” you agreed, setting your head on Joel’s chest.

You were getting that weird, dormant feeling in you once again. There was an odd warmth in your chest and butterflies in your stomach, that felt strange and familiar, but most of all, exciting. You had no idea what was going on, or what that feeling was, but you did know that you didn’t want it to stop anytime soon.

And honestly, it didn’t seem like it would.

Two

Walking into Joel’s home to the sound of soft guitar chords made you feel a bit like you had woken up in a dream, or died and gone to heaven. It wasn’t often that you’d heard him play guitar. Sing? Sure! He loved to sing along to a song he liked on the radio, or do karaoke with you and the kids. But playing guitar was something that he seemed to like to keep to himself.

Joel had picked Chloe up from school, as you had an important work event that you’d anticipated going quite late, and as you’d predicted, it was nearly midnight by the time you got to Joel’s place. It was rare for you to see those two alone, without yours or Sarah’s presence, but you’d assumed the latter had gone to bed due to how late it was and the fact that they had school in the morning.

So hearing Joel play for your daughter felt… weird. But a good weird. Like he trusted her enough to be doing something that he often kept under wraps, even for you.

“I love this song!” you heard your daughter exclaim from the living room. You rounded a corner, not quite ready to appear yet, but curious enough to eavesdrop on the scene.

Joel chuckled at her reaction, “should we sing it together?”

“Maybe, I’m not very good, though.”

“I doubt that,” Joel said, continuing to play the introduction to the song on a loop.

“I… fine, I’ll sing.”

The two of them began to sing along to the song, and you could’ve sworn that your heart did an actual flip as you listened. There was something very sweet about the whole scene, of Joel playing a song your daughter loved, of him assuring her that she was good enough, and singing something together.

You should’ve felt bad for listening in on the scene, for invading on a moment that was clearly meant to be private, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to feel that way when your heart was so filled with… something that you couldn’t quite place.

The song came to a soft conclusion, and you figured there was no better time to finally step out from behind the wall than then.

“You guys sounded so good!” you stated as you entered the room.

“Oh hi,” Joel greeted a little awkwardly, looking down at his guitar as if he’d been caught red handed.

“Mom!” Chloe exclaimed, coming over to you and hugging you. “I missed you.”

“We were just killing time while we waited for you to get home. How was work?”

“Eh,” you shrugged, sitting down across from Joel as Chloe curled up next to you. “It was work.”

“Mom, did you know that Joel sings and plays guitar? He’s really good!”

“Really? I didn’t know that,” you acted surprised for your child, but looked mischievously at your partner. It wasn’t often that you had the chance to get Joel to play you something, and you refused to let the opportunity slip away from you. “Can you play me something?”

“He can!” Chloe accepted the offer before Joel could begin to protest. God, was this child your mini-you. “Go ahead, Joel.”

He looked to you as if he needed some sort of excuse to not do it, or encouragement to play (more likely than not, he was looking for an out), but you simply shrugged, far too enthused at the idea of him playing guitar for you.

Just as the man sighed and began to put his fingers to the string, Sarah came down the stairs and plopped herself right next to you.

“You guys are loud,” she stated, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Sorry for waking you up,” you apologized. “You were just about to miss your dad’s concert!”

“Oh good,” Sarah giggled, getting all comfortable next to you as she pulled a blanket over her lap.

“I feel like this is a premeditated attack,” Joel held onto his guitar.

“It’s definitely not. We just want you to share your gift with the world!”

“Alright, fine. Only because I like you guys so much.”

The three of you cheered from the couch as Joel began to play again, the soft acoustic notes of a love song you’d heard a few times before. As Joel played and sang, he looked straight at you, and you couldn’t help but feel like the lyrics were coming straight from his heart to you.

That warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest that you’d become more and more familiar with over the course of your relationship began to reappear as you sat there, the moment a snapshot of the perfect domestic bliss that had become your home life. As you sat with your two favorite children in the world, and your favorite man, you realized that you’d never felt more content in your life.

Three

When you agreed to come to a bar with Joel, you hadn’t expected it to be a quaint little hole-in-the-wall with great live music.

The atmosphere was lively, the drinks were dangerously sweet, and best of all, it was cute watching Joel in his element. Part of you wondered if he ever saw himself up on the stage, playing for a little audience. Although, he was so bashful and shy playing in front of you and the girls that you wondered if he would like it at all.

You finished off your first drink rather quickly, but you were feeling up for another, and prepared to head back to the bar. “Do you want another drink?” you asked Joel over the loud music.

“I’m alright. Thank you, though,” he kissed your cheek, then looked back up at the stage, directing all of his focus there once more.

You made your way back to the bar, where you ordered another fruity drink for yourself and patiently waited for it to be made, humming along to the cover being sung on stage.

Being able to find out more about what Joel liked to spend his time doing was (unsurprisingly) quite nice. While he was vulnerable with his emotions, he was often a little more closed off when it came to sharing his hobbies and interests. You wondered how many of these live shows and open mics he was familiar with, how many local artists he was friends with. Would he ever feel comfortable enough around you to share those things with you? Well, you certainly hoped so.

You looked around with a small smile on your face at the thought of learning more about your partner’s interests. Had he ever been the one up on stage? Maybe before Sarah was born and he was launched straight into the time consuming world of fatherhood. Although, he surely would’ve shared that with you by now.

You were drawn out of thought when eyes landed on a head of hair that looked a little too familiar for your liking.

No.

There was no way.

This bar was definitely not his scene. In fact, if you’d suggested this bar, he would’ve laughed in your face and called you a hipster, before dragging you out to some stuffy restaurant where he’d complain about the portion size of both his meal and the bill.

Your mind was just playing a mean trick on you. You’d had a somewhat stressful week, and sometimes drinking made you the slightest bit paranoid. Besides, it was just someone’s hair. Literally anyone could have that hair color, or hair cut, and although the world was small, it wasn’t that small.

Just as you began to fall headfirst into your nerves, the bartender handed you your drink, and you walked back to Joel, head still in the clouds.

You couldn’t shake that off feeling, even as Joel danced around with you and stole a sip of your drink, both actions bringing a smile to your face, but not quite quelling the growing discomfort in your stomach.

You just needed to go clear your mind and freshen up. At least, that’s what you told yourself before telling Joel to keep your drink safe and power walking to the bathroom.

You stood at the sink, splashing your face with water as cold as the faucets would go. Nathan was not here. You needed to just relax, and enjoy the fun date that Joel had planned. You couldn’t keep letting this man ruin your experiences, even when he wasn’t present.

“You okay, hun?” a voice asked you while your head was bowed over the sink. When you looked up, your eyes nearly popped out of your head, as if you were some ridiculous cartoon character.

Well. Your brain must’ve really been fucking with you today. Or the Universe just really hated you.

Claire, Nathan’s new girlfriend, was asking you if you were alright in the bathroom of a bar that your new boyfriend had suggested.

You were completely unsure of whether she knew who you were or not, although she seemed tipsy enough not to care.

“Oh, I’m fine,” you smiled awkwardly at her. “But, uh, my mascara’s a little smudged. Any chance you have a makeup wipe?”

“Yeah!” she said, digging into her purse to check for the item.

You’d never met Claire before, but as far as first impressions went, this one wasn’t too bad. She offered you the wipe, then stood next to you as you dabbed at your under eye.

“You meet anyone fun tonight?” she asked, beginning to touch up her own makeup.

“No, I’m actually here with my partner. He really likes the music,” you said casually, dabbing at the same spot so you could at least attempt to maintain your composure in an otherwise dramatically ironic and tense situation.

“Oh no. Was he the one making you cry?”

“Cry? No! I was sweating. We were dancing,” suddenly, a slightly perverse question crossed your mind. “Does your partner make you cry a lot?”

“How do you even know I have one?” she giggled, sounding less accusatory and more confused.

“I don’t I just-“

“No, not really,” she shrugged as she reapplied her lip liner. “He mostly just buys me shit and spoils me. What would I have to cry about? He’s a really good guy.”

Oh, you remembered that phase. Well, phases. The time after he’d slapped you during an argument immediately came to mind. Nathan could probably teach a seminar on love bombing, then making you feel guilty for having any negative feelings because of all the money he’d spent on you.

“That’s good,” you nodded, tossing the used wipe in the trash and making your way to the door. “Thanks for checking in on me and helping me. Have a good night.”

“Hey, do I know you from somewhere?” she asked as your hand hit the door.

“No,” you replied promptly, maybe slamming the door behind you a little too hard.

This was a lot to process, and a lot to take in. Despite having a fun time with Joel, you really just wanted to go home. Finding your way back out to him, you silently accepted back your drink and stood besides him stiffly.

“You okay?” he asked, gently grabbing your arm.

“Fine, just… just.. I have an upset stomach,” you explained. You were never a good liar, the concern in Joel’s eyes told you that you hadn’t suddenly become one.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” he said, rubbing your forearm gently. “Let’s go home, okay?”

You certainly didn’t protest as he began to lead you out of the bar, and you let out a sigh of relief at being able to leave before running into anyone else you knew.

Although, life was never that simple, was it?

As you approached the door, a familiar voice called out your name, sending a chill up your spine. Joel’s head whipped around from where it was coming from, and scowled when he saw who the voice belonged to. Ignoring him, the two of you continued your departure, a newfound urgency in both of your steps.

Once you were outside, you felt yourself puff out a sigh of relief. You’d managed to get out of the bar with only a brief conversation with Claire, and no direct interaction with Nathan. Now, if you could only get home, curl up with Joel on the couch, and tell him the absurd story of how you’d bumped into your ex’s new girlfriend in the bathroom.

But the universe clearly wasn’t letting you off the hook just yet.

“Hey!” Nathan called as he stepped out of the bar, Claire trailing just a few paces behind him. “You’re such a fuckin’ bitch. Can’t even say hi to the father of your child.”

You were almost alarmed by the speed in which Joel marched over to your ex and reprimanded him. Not even wasting a moment, Joel shoved him back—a warning of sorts, with your knowledge that he was certainly holding himself back.

“Leave her the fuck alone,” he barked. It was like no tone you’d ever heard him use before, not when he was upset with anyone, and not even when he was yelling at a referee for a bad call.

“And who the fuck are you?” your ex shot back.

“Does it really matter?” Joel pressed, not backing down despite the slightly shorter man getting in his face. “You’re not gonna go around trying to degrade women.”

“Oh yeah? You gonna stop me, Mr. Nice guy?” Nathan pushed Joel, but your partner barely budged.

“You fuckin’ cuck,” Nathan muttered. “Why do you even care about this whore?”

Nathan took a second to think about it, glancing between the two of you before a light seemed to go off in his little brain.

“Oh, I know. You’re that guy from the soccer games. You two together now?" His condescension was almost jarring to hear, and part of you worried about what your clearly inebriated ex might say or do next. “I see you’re still the community cumrag,” he directed at you.

You hardly had a moment to process what was just said before Joel was swinging, clearly seeing red as he threw a hefty right hook at your ex, leaving a nasty crunching sound as he fell to the ground.

“Don’t talk about her, or any other fucking woman like that ever again,” he squatted down to his level, and grabbed both of his cheeks. “Leave her the fuck alone, you understand me? Or next time you’re gonna wish it was just your nose.”

Nathan cradled his bloody nose and whimpered and Joel walked back to you, the fury on his face melting into something apologetic as you looked at him with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he began, cautiously approaching you as if he was something to be afraid of. “I shouldn’t have done that. I overstepped-“

“Joel. Don’t apologize. Do you know how much that asshole deserved it? You did everyone a favor tonight, but especially me.”

You had never had someone defend you so literally before. Sure, your friends had argued with Nathan a few times on your behalf, but punching Nathan in the face had truly raised your expectations for anyone who claimed to be doing anything to help you. You don’t think you’d have felt this alive or cherished in years.

“Now let’s get you home and ice those knuckles.”

Four

You were usually a big fan of rainy days. The sound of rain pattering against the window or on the roof of your car, and the smell of petrichor on the pavement were sensations you wished you could experience all the time. But today, you weren’t quite so pleased to see the rain.

You’d taken the day off to spend it with Joel, who had specifically asked for you to take some time off to be with him. You couldn’t blame him, as you’d been slightly neglecting him after things picked up once again at work. You’d had a whole outdoorsy day planned, with a morning hike, a visit to a conservatory, and a picnic at one of your favorite local parks. Unfortunately, none of those activities could be done comfortably in the pouring rain.

Instead, you opted to come back to your place after you dropped your kids off at school, and have a domestic little day-in.

After putting some homemade cinnamon rolls into the oven, the two of you found yourselves on your couch, comfortably sitting together and reading your own books while the smell of warm cinnamon filled your house.

Occasionally, you glanced out your window, the scene of rain granting you a sense of serenity. At one point, you noticed Joel’s gaze out the window as well, and you couldn’t help but comment on it.

“Don’t you just love the rain?” you asked, setting your book down on your coffee table. It was more of an excuse to break the silence than an actual comment, but you said it regardless.

“It’s nice,” he agreed, his tone oddly somber for a comment on the rain.

“You okay, big guy?” you asked before moving closer to Joel.

“I’m alright,” he smiled, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. There wasn’t any real concrete evidence that something was off, but something inside you told you that something definitely was off.

“You sure?” you asked, squeezing his bicep.

“Yeah, it’s just,” he paused, looking down at his book as if he was about to go right back to reading instead of telling you the issue. After a moment of hesitation, he spoke once more, “it’s the anniversary of Diane leaving.”

Oh. So that’s why he’d asked to be with you today.

You’d never heard Joel say her name before. Sure, you’d seen her name written under a polaroid or two, but you’d never heard Joel reference her ever. Now that you thought about it, you didn’t really know what their deal was. Amicable exes? Divorcees? Was Joel a widower? You felt awful that you’d gone this far into a relationship and still didn’t know anything about his last significant one.

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, not completely sure how to react. You mainly wanted to get a gauge on Joel’s reaction–just how upset was he? Did he want to talk about it? Or just get the importance of the day out in the open?

“It’s just… Today feels like that day in a lot of ways.”

You nodded slowly, still not exactly sure of how to approach the situation. You thought back to all of the times he’d been there to support you when you were having a rough day, and ended up asking aloud, “is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“Maybe just listening, if that’s okay. It helps to talk about it,” he paused. “The rolls smell done. I’ll go get them,” with that, he was off to the kitchen, barely giving you time to react, or even protest his departure.

He clearly wanted to talk, but just wasn’t completely ready to do so at that moment. You could listen. You could be the best damn listener on the planet if that was what Joel needed from you. No matter what he revealed to you today, you were determined to make Joel feel comfortable, and know that whatever he was going through, he wasn’t alone—just as he’d shown you in the past.

By the time he came back to the living room, Joel offered you a plate with an iced cinnamon roll and acted like everything was normal. He sat back down next to you, stole a bite from your plate, then buried his nose right back into his novel.

You respected his right to process his emotions in any way he saw fit. All you could do was be a good partner, and offer whatever he needed from you to feel better, like he’d done for you so many times before.

While you were fine with spending your day cuddled up on the sofa and reading, you were also aware that there were a good amount of house chores that were calling your name. Upon mentioning these tasks, Joel insisted on helping out, which was how you two landed in the laundry room, laughing at something stupid that had happened to you this week.

While you loaded light clothes into your washer, Joel suddenly caught you off guard with a question that was a far cry from the banter you’d just been having only moments before.

“Is it… are you okay with me talking about it?”

By it you could only assume he meant the giant elephant of a woman in the room.

“Of course,” you turned to him, offering sympathetic eyes.

“She left just a few months after Sarah was born,” Joel busied himself by pouring out laundry detergent and fabric softeners. “I just woke up one morning to an empty bed and a note in the kitchen saying she was leaving, she wasn’t coming back, and not to look for her.”

You were taken aback by the cruelty of such an abrupt ending, especially with such a young infant. You couldn’t imagine being put in those circumstances so unexpectedly.

Joel casually poured the respective liquids into their proper places in the machine, then turned it on. “It was a day just like this. The nursery had a nice, big window that we put a rocking chair in front of. Sarah liked looking at the stars when she was younger, it always helped to calm her down. I remember holding her in that chair and bawling my eyes out while she cried too, and with all the rain against the window… it felt like the Earth was crying right along with us.”

You weren’t sure what to say or how to react, but it seemed like Joel was prepared to move right on, quickly changing the subject as he led you out of the laundry room.

Baking cinnamon rolls had left a lot of dishes in the sink, but luckily for you, you had an extra set of hands to help you out. Joel was on rinsing duty, and you were on loading.

You quickly found your rhythm, as you often did with partnered tasks. You worked quietly while loading the dishes, letting the music from your speaker fill up the silence, but it was obvious Joel was lost in thought.

Eventually, he quietly began to speak again, “I kept trying to make sense of her leaving. I knew that postpartum depression hit her really hard, and that she was barely sleeping at night because of how often Sarah was crying. Sarah was a really sensitive, fussy baby. She’d told me how she’d felt a few times, and I always kinda thought things would just pass. Every new parent hits that roadbump where they just can’t see themselves doing this thing forever, right? Then, she just left. I thought maybe she just needed a few days away, and that she’d be back. But days went by, then weeks, then it had been a month, and it was still just Sarah and I.”

“Did she ever come back around?” you asked, setting down the last dish into the sink, then closing the machine.

“Never heard from her again.”

You closed the distance between you and the man, wrapping him in as tight of a hug that you could manage.

“I’m so sorry,” you muttered into his shirt as he melted into your embrace. “I can’t even imagine how painful and stressful that was.”

As a mother, you couldn’t imagine abandoning your child; the tiny human being you spent nine months carrying, and would spend a lifetime loving. But as a human, you understood the stress of being the parent of a newborn. Waking up every few hours because your baby is crying and you’ve tried everything to get her to stop but she just… won’t. Paired with postpartum depression, which you were no stranger to, you could understand the circumstances that led Diane to feeling like she had no other option but to leave. But that didn’t, in any way, make it the right thing to do.

As you held Joel, a sound you hadn’t ever heard from him escaped his lips, wracking his body. A guttural cry that had clearly been trapped deep inside of him for the longest time had suddenly escaped as he recalled an event that had clearly changed his life.

You stood in the kitchen holding him for what felt like forever, when he finally pulled away, wiping his face a little bit.

“Thank you,” was all that he managed to get out.

You laid next to him in bed after a rather emotionally loaded session of lovemaking, trying to catch your breath as the two of you recovered from the underlying emotional and physical aftermath of your fornication. As Joel spooned you, a question lingered on your mind.

“Do you still love her?” you asked, keeping your eyes forward on the wall. You wanted to say you were sure he had moved on, but these types of situations were rather nuanced. There were just some bonds that regardless of time or circumstances, people continued to hold on to.

“No,” he answered clearly. “I don’t hate her, either. I guess I just understand her. But that doesn’t make what she put me or Sarah through any better.”

You slipped your hand down to where his were currently laying on your stomach, and you set one on top of his.

“I’m not jealous, I’m just curious. Do you ever miss her?”

“I used to,” he sighed, the close breath blowing some hairs on your neck. “I don’t anymore.”

Eventually, your laundry was dry, meaning you two needed to get out of bed and get to folding.

“She has a new family, now,” he said out of the blue, as he folded up a pair of your pajama pants. “Husband, kids, dog, the full nine yards. Tommy found her Facebook a few years ago, but I still haven’t looked. I don’t really know why.”

You didn’t really know why either, but you knew exactly the feeling he was experiencing. Seeing your ex who you’d invested so much into and had a child with move on with someone was a particularly gut wrenching feeling. You could only imagine how much worse it was in Joel’s scenario, where Diane had abandoned him and their child, yet had a child and built another family elsewhere.

“Does Sarah know?” you asked, putting a blouse onto a hanger.

“Bits and pieces. She kinda just accepted that her mom’s not in the picture, but doesn’t know why she left or anything about her mom’s new family,” Joel finished up with his basket, then began to help you with yours. “Maybe when she’s older. Old enough to understand that it isn’t her fault and that these things just… happen sometimes.”

“I guess,” you frowned as you grabbed your last article of clothing and hung it up. “It shouldn’t have happened, though. Neither of you deserved to be abandoned.”

“It was gonna happen one way or another,” Joel shrugged, putting your baskets away. “Our relationship had been on the rocks even before Diane became pregnant. If it wasn’t then, it would be later. I’m just glad it happened early enough that Sarah doesn’t remember. You in the mood for a coffee?”

His words gave you a bit of whiplash, but you accepted the offer of a warm drink regardless.

You sat at your table, stirring your drink as Joel sat down across from you.

“Good, right?” he asked. “I think I’ve officially nailed the way you like your coffee.”

“It’s pretty good,” you admitted, taking a sip from a mug that Chloe had decorated in her school’s art class.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Good. It is one,” you hummed.

It was clear that his mood was slightly improving the more that he talked about his experience. You wondered just how much of this information he’d shared with anyone else before you, as he told the story as if he were confessing something for the first time ever.

“I’ve never told anyone this much about it,” he confessed. “I’m glad that of all the people I could’ve told, it ended up being you.”

“Joel, I,” the words popped into your head, but died on your tongue. “I care about you so much. I know this can’t be easy to talk about, so thank you for sharing this with me,” you squeezed his hands across the table.

“Thank you for being so supportive. I also care about you a lot. So much that it scares me. Especially knowing that you could lose everything in a literal night,” he admitted.

“Oh Joel,” you said softly. “I’m also scared. I’m always so scared that I’ll lose you and Sarah and this little blended family we’ve made. But if that’s the price I pay for… caring about you so much, I’m okay with being afraid.”

Joel looked at you like he had something to say, but instead sat there quietly for a moment, processing your words. “Do you want to watch an episode of The Bachelorette?”

“Is that even a question? C’mon,” you stood up.

The two of you cuddled up on the couch once again, this time with a much lighter feeling in the room, partially due to what Joel had confessed to you, and partially due to the absolutely ridiculous content playing on your television.

“I’m sad that I had to go through what I had to go through, but I’m glad that it led me to you,” Joel said out of the blue, resting his forehead against yours.

You were glad that he found you too.

Five

It wasn’t every day that the forces of the universe seemed to be on your side, but for some reason, today was one of those days.

When you’d been called into your boss’ office that morning, a pit formed in your stomach. You’d figured that the day you were going to be laid off was coming, especially following the whole promotion fiasco. As you walked into her office, you fully intended to be walking out without a job.

Except, that wasn’t what happened. You had been promoted, and promoted into a position even higher than the one you’d previously been gunning after.

Once you found out, you had to fight the urge to skip out of your boss’s office, singing and dancing with joy. Instead, you fought that urge by closing the door to your office, and calling Joel.

“Hey honey, what’s up?” he answered casually.

“Joel, they promoted me! And it’s an even better position than what I was trying to get before!” you squealed.

Joel cheered from over the phone, making you somehow smile even harder. “Congratulations! I’m so proud of you. I can’t think of anyone who deserves this more than you.”

“Oh my god, stop it,” you giggled, putting your hands up to your warm cheeks.

“No, I’m serious,” Joel countered. “I know a lot of hard workers, and none of them work as hard as you. You’ve sacrificed so much to get here and it’s finally paid off.”

“Thank you, Joel,” you had more to say, but you decided to keep it to yourself. Mainly, how did you get so lucky to end up with a man like him?

“Are you busy tonight?” he asked.

“I’m just dropping Chloe off at my mom’s, then I should be free for the evening. Why?”

“Why don’t you come over to my place so we can celebrate? You picked the right time to get a promotion. Sarah’s going to her uncle’s for the weekend.”

“Sounds good to me,” you hummed. “I’ll text you when I’m heading over.”

“Alright. Again, congratulations! So proud.”

You hung up and attempted to get back to work, but you were far too excited to focus for too long. You somehow made it to the end of the work day and to Joel’s house without spontaneously combusting from joy.

When you walked in, you were immediately met with the smells of one of your favorite candles, mixed with the mouthwatering scent of fragrant coming from the kitchen.

“Joel, I’m home!” you announced, making your way to the kitchen only to find it very dressed up. The lights were dimmed, a crisp white table cloth rested on the table, and a gorgeous arrangement of flowers sat in a vase in the middle of the table, right next to a rather nice looking bottle of champagne.

Joel was finishing up plating something spectacular as you came in. “Please, have a seat,” he directed. You didn’t need to be told twice.

With the arrangement of the table, you almost felt like you were sitting at a fancy little restaurant, but better, knowing all the effort Joel had put into making the table look this way. He brought over two plates, set one over at his seat and one in front of you, before leaning down and kissing you gently.

“Congratulations. I am so, so, so proud of you,” he said after finally pulling away, reaching for the bottle of champagne on the table.

“If anyone in the world deserves good things,” he turned away from you so that he could safely pop the bottle. “It’s you. I’m glad you’re finally getting the recognition that you deserve.”

With the bottle opened, he poured you out a glass, then poured himself some. You lifted up your glass and Joel mirrored you.

“Cheers,” you said with a grin, tapping your glasses together, then taking a sip. Once you finished drinking, Joel leaned in for one more kiss before he situated himself back into his chair.

“I think you deserve a promotion from best boyfriend in the world to best boyfriend in the universe,” you softly laughed, looking down at your plate.

“Do I? I think anyone would celebrate the person they…” he paused for just a split second, and you probably wouldn’t have noticed it if you weren’t paying such close attention. “The person they’re sharing their life with if they made a big accomplishment like this.”

“Honey, you’d be very surprised. I can think of at least one person who would view this promotion as a bad thing.”

“Well, don’t think about them right now. This is an amazing thing, and we’re celebrating you today. Not an insecure man with a Napoleon complex and a small penis.”

You laughed out loud, nearly choking on a bubbly sip of champagne.

“You’re right,” you picked up your fork and knife, reading to dig into the amazing looking meal in front of you. “Thank you for this, Joel. You always make me feel so appreciated and cherished. You’re truly one of a kind.”

He shook his head bashfully at the compliment, eating right along with you. It was almost cute how he never seemed to accept compliments, but certainly deserved them more than basically any other person that you knew.

“You always show me how much you care about me. It’s only fair that I do the same.”

“You’re so romantic,” you sighed. “How can I guarantee that I can keep you around forever?”

“Just keep being you, I guess. That’s all I’ve really ever wanted.”

How did you get so lucky? How did you manage to hit the jackpot on men with Joel, almost let it slip through your fingers not once, but twice, and still managed to end up with one of your favorite people in the world?

However it ended up happening, you certainly weren’t mad at it, and as you sat together, you hoped for things never to change.

Plus One

Given that you practically lived at each other’s homes now, you often spent your mornings together getting ready to take on the day. It was cute how you both had your own little routines and were able to coexist in a tiny little space.

Today, you stood in Joel’s bathroom, washing your face as the mirror across from you began to become progressively more foggy from the heat of Joel’s shower.

“My hair is gonna be so frizzy,” you muttered to yourself as you rubbed moisturizer into your skin.

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to come in here with me,” Joel shot back from the shower, turning the water off.

“Whatever,” you grumbled, getting back to work on your face as Joel dried himself off and wrapped a towel around his waist.

“You’re so cute when you’re grumpy in the morning,” he commented as he approached you, standing next to you at the sink.

“I am not grumpy,” you argued, then paused once Joel gave you a very disbelieving expression. “Fine. I can get a little irritable in the morning. Especially when someone’s boiling hot showers make my hair get all frizzy.”

“I wonder who that someone is?” Joel looked around the room in faux confusion.

“Ugh, shut up. You are such a dad,” you fought back laughter, but you couldn’t really help the smile that appeared on your lips.

“Shutting up,” Joel acknowledged, grabbing his razor and some shaving cream to touch up some of his facial hair. You began to brush your teeth, focusing on yourself in the mirror to make sure that you were making your dentist proud.

Your eyes eventually migrated and were meeting Joel’s in the mirror. You flashed him a big, foamy grin, and he immediately broke into hysterics, setting the razor down so he didn’t cut himself while laughing so hard.

“Really?” he asked between laughs. “While I’m shaving?”

“Sorry,” you shrugged with a self-satisfied smirk.

“You are such a dork,” Joel sighed as he calmed himself down, leaning against the counter as he began to work on shaving his face once more. “Ugh, I love you,” the words seemed to come out of his mouth involuntarily, if the horrified look on his face told you anything.

It seemed like the whole house stopped after Joel said it, the dripping from the showerhead ceasing, the faint buzz of the air conditioner nowhere to be found, and the noises of your children downstairs coming to a halt.

You were shocked at the admission, and Joel seemed to be shocked that he’d said anything.

Now that he’d mentioned it, you really did love Joel. You loved how he supported you, and how he treated your daughter like she was his own. You loved that he wasn’t afraid to fight for what he believed in, especially when that included socking your ex in the face. You loved his ability to be vulnerable with you, and the way that he seemed to always know what to say at the right time. You loved knowing that no matter how shitty of a day you’d had, Joel would always be there, ready to order your favorite foods and spoon you while decompressing with the worst, most trashy reality TV you could find.

You’d spent all this time thinking that you’d never experience romantic love again, that romantic love was tumultuous and exhausting, when you’d been in love with Joel the whole time.

You were one of those people who were meant to love and be loved. Joel had proven that much to you.

“I love you too,” you confessed, toothpaste still obstructing your mouth.

Maybe love wasn't so bad after all.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller imagine #pedro pascal x reader #soccer parents au

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eclec-tech · 10 months ago

Text

"The Turn"

I had a thought about this handsome fellow, and it manifested itself in the form of a little ficlet...

Crosshair's eyes narrowed at the screen as five bright blips suddenly appeared exactly where he was hoping they wouldn't. "There's a squad on our tail, closing fast."

Omega turned with the authority of a commander. "Get to the tail gun. I'll get us out of here."

"You're sure?" One of them had to fly and one of them had to shoot. He wasn't at all happy with their chances knowing that she would have to be responsible for one of those.

"Tech taught me! GO!"

That was unexpectedly comforting news. Crosshair nodded and bolted for the rear of the ship, leaving Omega to hopefully do Tech proud as pilot. She did. She climbed and dove, weaving through the terrain as if Tech himself were guiding her hands.

An angry beeping broke her concentration. "The lead ship's targeting our engines! Crosshair, what do I do?"

Crosshair raced back to the cockpit. "Omega, turn sharp, zero thrusters NOW!"

Omega instantly realized her brother's plan. She turned the ship and cut the engines, then immediately reengaged the thrusters--the "Tech Turn". Crosshair almost instantly removed four of their pursuers from the equation. The pilot of the lead ship however, performed the exact same maneuver the moment Omega had begun her own turn, and was now careening skyward in an attempt to once again get behind the shuttle that now had no gunner in position.

Crosshair's blood ran cold. He knew of only one person who could fly like that, and according to a recent conversation with a very tearful Omega, he couldn't possibly be here. Yet here he was.

"Omega, we have a very big problem."

#speculative ficlet #the bad batch #bad batch fanfic #tech lives #crosshair tbb #omega tbb #tech tbb #imperial tech #cx-2 #clone x #the tech turn #bad batch spoilers #tbb spoilers #bad batch season 3 #amberowl24

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thescarletnargacuga · 3 months ago

Note

Could you write a time capsule au fic? Maybe one where it’s after Caine and Pomni become a couple but Pomni is looking for a way out while Caine keeps trying to hide it from her?

NO MAN'S LAND

A TIME CAPSULE AU SHOWTIME ONESHOT

AU credit @mangotangerinepastry @the-amazing-digital-time-capsule

WARNING: hurt/comfort, angst, body horror/abstractions, blood

~~~

Pomni hid against the corner wall, peeking every so slightly to watch the guests wandering the circus between shows. Someone had to be leaving. Surely someone had somewhere else to be. Her focused eyes widened when he saw a guest snap. A bright red door appeared out of thin air. The guest opened the door and stepped through.

Pomni seized her opportunity. She bolted for the door as it started to close and dove through the threshold. For a moment, there was light. Hope of escape.

Error. Connection not found.

A jolt sent Pomni spiraling through digital space. She was cast into darkness and splashed down in some unknown viscus fluid. Discombobulated, Pomni fought to find the surface until she smacked her knees on the hard ground. She gasped for air and coughed as she shakily stood.

The sloshing black fluid echoed through a long narrow corridor that curved off in the distance. Soaked and scared, Pomni saw no option other than to walk. The fluid up to her knees, she slowly moved forward.

Caine nodded his head in greeting to a passing guest. Pomni's next show was coming up and he hadn't seen her backstage. He scanned the lobby and even outside the circus main entrance but...no Pomni. He was concerned about what BUBLE would do to her if she refused to perform. He needed to find her soon. "Zooble. Can I borrow you a moment?"

Zooble stopped their work on a broken hallway light and climbed down the ladder. "Yeah, what is it?"

"I can't find Pomni. I need to use your radar." Caine said matter-of-factly, but with an apologetic look in his eye.

"Whatever." Zooble activated the radar on their torso and watched the blips representing the cast show up on screen.

Pomni shivered from the cold blackness soaking her clothes and numbing her legs. "Where the hell am I??" The corridor was solid concrete with cracks along the top of the walls where faint light would shine through. Every few dozen feet, she would come across a joining tunnel but it was gated off. More black fluid slowly flowed in from these tunnels.

A skittering noise from behind her made her gasp. She spun around and searched the shadowy corridor for movement. "Hello..? Anyone there?" Whatever trouble she would be in for being here was worth paying to get out. "Hello!?"

A horrific screech answered her call. Something big and fast was climbing the walls and closing in. She caught glimpses of the insect-like legs as it passed over the lit cracks. The black creature was covered in multicolored glowing spots that took up half of the space in the corridor. Its movements were unnatural and jittery like a glitching avatar.

Pomni took a few steps back as her mind tried to process what was happening. Then adrenaline kicked in and she ran as fast as the knee deep fluid would let her.

Caine's eyes darted from one blip to the next, not seeing Pomni anywhere in the vicinity of the circus. "Can you zoom out? I'd hate to think she went outside without an escort."

Zooble broadened the scan to include the other structures within the time capsule, now showing everyone but Pomni. "Oh....you don't think..?"

"No." Caine didn't even want to think of the possibility that Pomni had abstracted somewhere and hadn't been found yet. "Zoom out entirely. Scan everything."

"Dude. If she's not showing up inside the capsule-"

"Just do it." Caine said more harshly than he intended but he was starting to panic. "Please."

Zooble increased the scan all the way to the edges of the capsule. A solitary blip was out of bounds and moving quickly around the outside edge.

Caine's stomach twisted. "Oh god, she tried to- [%$!#]!!" He flexed his fingers, tugging on the red strings that connect him to BUBLE. By silent will, he summoned the power of the controlling AI. The digital possession climbed his arm and spread across his body, static tingling his skin.

Zooble stepped back. They had rarely witnessed Caine use the AI willingly.

Pomni could hear the creature closing in. The noise of the chase drew more attention. Monstrous screams and deafening roars surrounded her. She slipped on the slick floor, going face first into the black fluid. She spat and gasped as she tried to get back up, but something ahead blocked her path.

A creature with two heads and too many mouths drooled into the black fluid. It's body split open, breaking inky black skin and glitching. Pomni looked back to see the spindly body of the pursuer almost upon her. She had nowhere to run.

A sharp pain from behind. Pomni stopped breathing. She looked down to see a barbed fleshy spear sticking out of her shoulder. As she reached for it in shock, the tongue of the creature with two heads retracted, pulling Pomni towards it.

Everything was in slow motion. This was how she was going to die, consumed by some flesh beast alone in the dark. Without memory, her own life didn't even flash before her eyes.

But she saw Caine.

He appeared, grabbed onto her and then the most searing pain imaginable destroyed her body. Was this what it was like to die?

In the blink of an eye, she whole again. Red and yellow banners and soothing music surrounded her. There was no screaming. No monsters. No black fluid. But she was still in incredible pain and soaking wet. Her body convulsed and she collapsed.

"Pomni!" Caine kneeled to the backstage floor, keeping her from dropping like dead weight, but he almost dropped her when he felt the painfully familiar sensation of abstraction. "Pomni!?" He gasped when he saw the gaping wound on the right side of Pomni's chest. Blue and red blood pooled around her twitching body, her eyes rolled back. The wound itself festered quickly and black lines crawled across her skin.

"Pomni, I need you to listen to me. You're abstracting. I know it's overwhelming, but you can't let it consume you." Caine pleaded with her as calmly as he could, keeping himself clear of her infected body. "I know you can fight this. You're one of the strongest people I've met. Your stubbornness gives mine a run for its money."

Caine watched the wound. It contiued to spread as Pomni's avatar was slowly breaking. He balled his fists, praying he wouldn't have to send her back. "Please, Pomni. I know you can do this." He urged. "Fight."

The black lines stopped. Caine's eyes went wide. "Yes! Atta girl! Fight!"

Pomni's body gradually calmed, twitching less and less. Her eyes came forward but remained unfocused. She coughed blood, gasping for air. The crawling blackness slowly retreated into the open wound, her skin pulling itself back together. "Caine..?" She said weakly.

"I'm here." Caine took her hand, considering her safe for the moment. "Don't let up. Keep pushing back until it hides. You'll know what I mean when you feel it." He wiped the blood from her face with his own hand. He watched the abstraction infection disappear inside Pomni, leaving the fresh wound clear of blackness.

Caine sighed heavily with relief. The worst was over. He checked her injury. It was a few inches around and burrowed a hole clean through her body, he could see the floor beneath. It was in a relatively lucky spot, top right corner of her chest just below her clavicle. However, it would be impossible to heal with just stitches.

"BUBLE." Caine grimaced, loathing having to talk to her wretched AI.

"Yes, Caine?" BUBLE answered robotically in Caine's mind.

"Pomni's shoulder needs repairing."

"I can see that."

"....so do it!" Caine demanded.

"I need a valid reason to authorize avatar repair."

Caine swore under his breath. Protocol. "Because she can't perform with a broken shoulder you digital jagoff!" He growled, losing his cool.

BUBLE computed for a second. The show must go on. Guests must be entertained. "Authorized. However, she broke protocol by leaving the circus during on duty hours. This behavior must be corrected."

"The pain of being put back together will be punishment enough." Caine said quickly, he didn't want BUBLE to do anything worse than what Pomni just experienced.

"This is acceptable. Do not let her miss her next performance."

Caine checked his watch. He had five minutes. "This just keeps getting better." He said sarcastically. "Pomni? Pomni, focus on me."

Pomni blinked. "Caine...I saw monsters."

"I know. I'm going to fix you, but it's going to hurt. Try not to move." He kept hold of her hand and placed his free hand over the wound. He pressed his finger tips into the skin surrounding the hole and the red strings entered her avatar's flesh.

Pomni sucked air in through her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't see the strings but she could feel them moving through her shoulder. They burned a trail around the wound, jumping across the gap and pulling her avatar together.

The white hot pain of BUBLE repairing part of her body was almost enough to make Pomni scream. She bit down on her tongue, drawing blood and struggled not to move. Her body shook from the pain.

"Just a few more seconds." Caine's gut twisted seeing Pomni in such agony, but it was better than the alternative. She was crushing his hand, but he didn't care if she broke it. Whatever it took to get her through this.

Finally, the repair was complete and the strings left Pomni's body. She groaned loudly and relaxed as she caught her breath. Tears flowed down the sides of her head, mixing with the coagulating multicolor blood.

There was no way in high hell Pomni was performing in her current state. Caine needed to make a last minute change to the show schedule. "Pomni, wait here. I will be right back." He ran through backstage and found Gangle. "I need you to take over for Pomni. There's been an emergency."

"uh-"

"Thank you, you're on in one minute. I'll be back soon." Caine rushed away, leaving Gangle dumbstruck.

"You are changing the performance mid show." BUBLE's voice spoke clearly in Caine's head. "You are aware of the consequences if it is not received well by our guests."

"I've dealt with you long enough to know." Caine responded coldly. "Now get out of my head."

"I'm sorry, Caine, I'm afraid I can't do that. The failed performer must be evaluated for my report."

Caine sneered but didn't respond. He found Pomni sitting on a crate, dripping lightly with black water. "How are you holding up?"

"My shoulder doesn't hurt anymore." Pomni was still shivering lightly, staring off into the distance. "Where was I?"

Caine could still feel BUBLE's presence. "I'm afraid I can't answer that here. Get yourself cleaned up. Don't worry about the remainder of your performances. Gangle and I have it covered."

Pomni nodded and went off to her dressing room, holding herself and head hung low.

"She seems fine to continue." BUBLE buzzed in Caine's head. "If your changes fail-"

"I know the consequences. Shut. Up." Caine hissed, hoping Pomni didn't hear him. He wiped the dried blood off his hands and rushed back to Gangle to help her cover Pomni for the rest of the day.

Pomni showered, changed and didn't leave her room the rest of the day. She sat at her vanity, staring at herself in the mirror when a soft knock came to her door. "It's open." She said flatly, knowing who it was.

Caine entered and closed the door behind him. He stood straight with his hands behind his back, a neutral expression. "How are you doing?"

Pomni cranes her neck to stare blankly at him. "I was almost eaten alive by horrors beyond my comprehension. What do you think?"

"So, good then. Great to hear."

Pomni was caught off guard by the oddly neutral tone snarky response, breaking her out of her spiral of reliving the day's experience over and over. "Uh...what-"

"As long as you've learned not to try that again."

"It was worth a try." Pomni sneered and turned away from him.

"Was it? You could've died." Caine leaned against the wall next to her vanity, looking at the back of her head.

"Do you want me to say I'm sorry?? Because I'm not!" Pomni responded angrily.

"No. I want you to understand something. There is no way out of here. I've tried. Multiple times. And to answer your question from earlier, you went where we send people when they abstract. No Man's Land."

Pomni slowly turned back around. "Abstractions...those were people?"

"Once upon a time."

"Oh god..."

"Don't think about it. Literally. It makes it worse."

"But I have been. Especially about seeing you down there. How did you..?"

Caine looked down and away, shifting his stance. "I... teleported."

"...you can do that?"

"Sometimes. It hurts like a mother, so I only do it when I have to."

Pomni felt a pang of guilt. "I- I see. I thought I was going insane, but...you saved me."

"Technically, you were-"

"Thank you."

Caine's brain stalled. "Uh, you're welcome. I mean, it's my job as ringmaster to keep things running and-"

"The show could've gone on without me." Pomni interrupted again. "It almost did. You didn't have to put yourself at risk like that. That was rather heroic of you."

Caine's neck went red. He fidgeted with his hands as he searched for words. "I was just..." He sighed. "No one deserves to die like that. I would've done it for anyone here."

"Including Jax?" Pomni asked with a small upturn on her lips.

"Almost anyone." Caine responded with a small smile of his own.

"Nonetheless, thank you for saving me. Twice."

"Twice?" Caine raised a brow.

Pomni looked away this time. "After you brought me back, I could feel myself slipping into some deep dark pit in my head, but I heard you. I...followed your voice. I climbed out."

Caine's gaze softened. "I'm glad you did. Not many would have been able to do that. With or without me. You're incredibly strong."

Pomni's heart fluttered, suddenly very aware of his eyes on her. "I wouldn't have been able to do it without you."

"Happy to be of service. I have to ask, will you be okay to perform tomorrow?"

"Yeah. And tell BUBLE he can go [%$!#] himself." Pomni crossed her arms, looking back at Caine.

Caine snorted. "Gladly. Wait- how did you know BUBLE was involved?"

"You really think I can't hear you when you talk to yourself?" Pomni smirked.

Caine opened his mouth, but had no response.

Pomni chuckled. "Thank you again, for everything."

Caine's smile reached his eyes. "You're welcome, again. Have a good night, Pomni."

"Good night, Caine." Pomni returned his sincere smile.

Caine kept his eyes locked with Pomni's, almost fumbling the door knob, but left without embarrassing himself. His body jolted with surprise, seeing Gangle in the hallway.

"Took you long enough, I wanna go to bed. I did a FEW extra performances today." She said, rightfully annoyed.

"It was an emergency. You know what would happen if no one went on."

"Yeah. Yeah. I don't have to like it." Gangle pouted and put her hand on the doorknob. "...is she okay, though?"

"She's one tough broad. I'll give her that." Caine looked longingly at the door.

"Huh, high praise, coming from you." Gangle gave him a look. "You fancy her. Don't you?"

Caine glanced quickly at Gangle and then away. "Good night, Gangle" He started walking away.

"Run away all you want, but I can STILL SEE HOW RED YOUR NECK IS!" Gangle shouted after him with a mischievous grin.

Caine popped his collar higher and kept walking.

#the amazing digital circus #tadc #tadc caine #tadc fanfiction #tadc pomni #tadc showtime #tadc gangle #time capsule #time capsule au #tadc time capsule #tadc au #the amazing digital time capsule #angst #tw blood #tw body horror #hurt/comfort

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miss-vanta-likes-to-write · 23 days ago

Text

Loyalties chapter 10 🔞

Loyalties Masterlist

CW: check the main masterlist. MDNI. NSFW at the end.

“Bambi, listen to me.” Carrie stands there quietly as she watches her only daughter rip everything off of her wall. Every polaroid and print and keepsake from the powder pink accent wall. “Bambi Castello!” Her voice bellows over the sound of Bambi crying.

Bambi stops dead in her tracks, her hand hovering over the photo of her and König. It was one of her favorite photos from the slow trailing year of him courting her. It was at the recommitment ceremony of her brothers and their mates. Everyone that evening had their eyes on her and König, people whispering that Antony and Carrie chose well. All of them unaware that it was Bambi who picked König, and that her parents were weary until he proved himself capable after saving her life.

This was back early in the courtship when things were fun, bright, and whimsical. In the photo the two were holding each other in a lover's embrace. The memory is a stark contrast to bruises on her now. His hand print is on her neck, it covers her airway entirely, a reminder that he could have killed her and then nobody would have her. In the photo, they stare at each other. They had been slow dancing to ‘Dangerously in love', the version by Destiny's Child, because Symphony said it was the better version. That night was the first time König said he loved her and would do anything to keep her.

Anything also meant trying to strangle her into submission when she wouldn't drop out of school for him, wouldn't let him mark her, or run away with him, and that she was done with his pestering. He only stopped choking her when he realized what it was he was doing. He had yanked back and pulled her into his arms. Apologies spilling from his mouth in broken German and English, he rocked her back and forth, begging for her forgiveness. Tried kissing her face, licking away the tears, overwhelm her scent of fear with his sorry excuse for comfort. She had pulled away and stood on shaky legs and bolted from her room, crying for anyone that wasn't him.

Bambi's neck still hurt and her eyes were swollen from crying. It's only been a few hours since she stopped Xavier from killing who he considered an older brother. König had been confronted, he admitted to hurting her, and her father tried to tell him it was going to be okay. They would all work through this as a family, come out the other side whole and intact. Carry on like this was just a blip in the relationship and that all couples had trials.

König wanted someone with a good aim to put him down like the dog he was. Bambi, even though she was in pain, skinned alive, cut open, bleeding, raw, had to stop the hastily asked for execution. She only wanted him gone, out of her life, she was still in love with him, even though he almost crushed her windpipe.

“What is it mom?” Bambi asked after a moment. Her voice was hoarse and she couldn't turn her eyes from the photo.

“Don't throw any of it away. He didn't mean to.”

“He strangled me when he didn't get his way.”

“He loves you so much that he wants to be with you desperately.”

“I'm your daughter-”

“He's a good man Bambi. Don't let this one slip up, dictate everything and erase all that has happened.”

Bambi couldn't believe what she was hearing with her own two ears. “Mom-”

“No, you listen to me. He is a good man for you and for this life you are in. He is strong, protective, and will give you many strong babies. He has proven that he can navigate being a Castello, he wants in and wants your last name. Take some time apart.”

“How am I supposed to take advice about love from a woman who let her husband run around?”

“Bambi, there's a lot you don't know about me and your father. We love each other and though we drift apart we always come back together. If we didn't, we wouldn't have Malik, Aaron and you.”

Xoxo

Bambi slowly comes to, from her dissociation. She has that pink letter in her hands, worrying the edges. Every now and then when her emotions got high with the ever looming anniversary of when things fell apart, she would miss him. Miss how he would massage her feet and then tickle them. He actually insisted on always painting her nails after her pedicure. He claimed that he enjoyed serving her in any way she needed. Trailing kisses from her ankle, up her leg, to the inside of her thigh, and then finally pressing a kiss to the center of her panties. He always kept his intense stare on her, watching for all of the reactions on her face. He would call her his golden sun, his own slice of heaven.

Her body misses him, her memories of him clouded by lust and nostalgia. Summer evenings, spent on the back porch, in each other's arms just watching the sun set. Hot sun bleached sands beneath their feet on the family's private beach. Bambi would insist they escape the responsibilities that he had with her, and that when her father eventually scolded them, Bambi would pout and say it's her fault. She's technically his boss, he can't say no to her, let her abuse her power in peace. Then they all would laugh, her father, mother, König and herself.

Bambi sighed and folded the letter up. It was the last day they had to prepare for the pink and white party. She took the liberty of asking her little boot camp if they would like to attend, after an impromptu laser tag date with Johnny. Get them all used to her family and the extravagant foolishness that was a Castello party. Her phone dings letting her know that the guys would be there shortly to pick her up. She insisted on making them get party attire that matches the theme, Kyle was the only one to understand the importance of a color coordinated event. It was also a chance for her to show them that she could care for their needs. Courtship had to go both ways after all, and her mother always said men had to be upgraded by their women, since they almost never knew how to do right on their own.

“Bambi!” Gloria shouted up the stairs, “their truck just pulled up!’

Bambi sighs, throwing on her shoes and leaving the sanctuary of her room. She took in the scores of flowers wrapped around the staircase banner. The balloon trellises throughout the house, all in the colors of Barbie pink, soft pink, white and gold. A pink carpet ran through the house leading to the backyard where the main festivities would be. Things such as a mini ferris wheel, petting zoo and pony rides, plenty of yard and carnival games, a dance floor and the stage where the DJ would go.

Symphony was yelling at Aaron and Xavier, something about the two of them getting the wrong bounce house reserved, because why are they setting up an ugly Christmas themed bounce house? The boys promise to get it sorted out and the Barbie Dream Home bounce house will be up before eleven in the morning. Bambi, finds that that will be a feat, because everyone in the pack runs on colored people time, so this set back will have the party start at 3p instead of 1pm and the party won't be over until midnight, God willing. Everyone knows the adult party will start as soon as the spades, dominoes, and the open bar opens at 6p. Then the children will all be ushered inside, upstairs to tear apart the nursery and crash from a sugar high.

Outside there are other hired workers setting up other decorations, really turning their home into a doll house. In the driveway she sees Malik leaning against the driver's side of the truck that holds her little boot camp. He's talking to them, head tipped back in laughter. He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out his little cigar case, offering John one.

“Don't let BamBam talk you guys into wearing whatever she picks out. Make sure you put your foot down.” Malik snickers as he lights his own cigar. He looks at his sister with a raised brow and smirk of knowing on his face. Already, just shy of over a week into this year-long courtship, he likes John the most. Says that he is trustworthy and is a genuinely good man, albeit a bit secretive, but they all are, so who cares.

(Aaron gets along best with Johnny and Kyle. Earlier in the week when they both came to kidnap her for a random movie night, Aaron insisted they all trade numbers and he would teach them how to prank Bambi, really learn how to get on her nerves.)

(Bambi knows Aaron, Kyle, and Johnny, have a lame group chat together. Filled with lame jokes, and advice from Aaron on how to win her over.)

(Xavier, while he hates them all equally, begrudgingly respects Simon and even that is tense. He even mumbled once that he'd be a good hire for his business.)

“Malik shut up.” Bambi rolls her eyes and shoves him out of the way. She leans into the driver's window and kisses John on the cheek. “I won't make you guys dress in something that isn't attractive. After all, I'm the target audience.”

John smiles at her and appreciates that he is always greeted first. A sweet little thing that has latched on to the fact that he is somewhat of a traditionalist. The understanding that her Captain gets the first kiss, “Hop in Sweetheart, we're burning daylight.”

“Have fun BamBam, oh and while you're out, Gloria wants you to pick up the drink order from the liquor store.” Malik states as he watches Bambi climb into the back. An eager Johnny already pressing kisses to her face and whining about missing her.

“Is it already paid for?” Bambi asked as she giggles at the kisses, “and what's in the order?”

“Hennessey, Don Julio, and honestly that's all I made sure to make sure was on the list. Not sure what else Gloria ordered.” Malik shrugged. “Maybe she also got Taylor Port, I don't know Bam.”

“Well, at least we know there will be fights starting as soon as 5:45pm shows up.” She shook her head. Johnny closes the door and Malik waves them off as the truck drives down the driveway.

“How big is this party?” Kyle asks as he snaps her seatbelt on. “It seems like a bit much for two seven year olds.” He then kisses her on the cheek.

“Yea Bonnie, tha much booze fora kid's party”

“You're under the impression that it will stay that way.” She huffed, “the party for the kids will be ending at 5:30pm. Hopefully all of our more delicate guests will have left by then. We have family flying in from the Americas, people from Gloria's and Symphony's birth packs, some of Aaron's friends, a few of Malik's. I'm praying that Xavier's people from his business don't show up but hey who knows, boy is a mystery when it comes to his social circle.”

Johnny hums as he drapes his arm around her, legs spreading out so that his knee bumps into hers. He's always looking to invade her space, touch her, be on her if he can't be in her. He inhales deeply, the scent of cocoa butter and vanilla and it goes straight to cock. She's been teasing them all since they all initially fucked her. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about how his Simon looked fucking into her that night. It's one thing to experience the big guy, another to actually see it. On their date to go laser tagging, she wore a skirt and under it, the world's sluttiest pair of panties. Somehow he ended up getting her to give them to him and while he wanted more, wanted to bury his face in her pussy, she denied him. So he kept her panties, wrapped them around his cock as soon as he got into his room and rutted into his fist to thoughts of his bonnie lass, and how her nails felt gripping his mohawk.

“Johnny, what's going through that dirty head of yours?” Bambi lays her hand on his upper thigh, dangerously close to where his cock is starting to harden.

He feels his cheeks warm up and he knows he is caught. Kyle is laughing at him, calling him a perv, Simon grunts and shakes his head and Cap is looking at him via the rear view mirror. Johnny looks back at his Bonnie and is reminded of their last conversation.

“Johnny” She had said in a sultry voice, they were parked down the road from her house. Both of them were sweaty from chasing each other during their laser tag date. She was perched so pretty in his lap, her lip gloss gone because he licked it off her during their kiss. “Sometimes I enjoy just being told what to do and then being made to do it.”

Johnny is staring now, he knows he is. They still have about thirty minutes before they get to the shops, and that's not counting the traffic. He is quiet for once while Bambi goes back to chatting with the others about clothing sizes. She says something about having already ordered Simon something pink to wear that would help him relax.

“You already got me something, Princess?” Simon turns slightly to look at her.

“Yeah, I got you a pink shiesty.” She nods her head.

Kyle groans, “It's called a balaclava Dove.”

“It will cover his face no matter what we call it and it's pink so it matches the theme. I even stitched a little skull on the cheek.” She playfully nudges Kyle in the arm, “besides what do I look like calling it baklava.”

“You got me a mask?” Simon's voice is low and there's a bit of confusion.

Bambi pulls out her phone and shows Simon what has to be a picture of the mask she got him. “Yeah, I picked up that having your face uncovered makes you tense and agitated. Not sure why you feel the need to hide such a handsome face, but I'm at least gonna make sure you can be comfortable and still participate.”

The car is quiet for a beat. Everyone just kinda took in what she said. Johnny feels like she ripped the rug clean from under him, all of them really. He feels the urge to fuck her silly, just the idea of their omega looking out for their comfort makes him tingle. Usually it's him doing that for the team, but right at this moment, he wants to reward her. Encourage the behavior, let her know they appreciate it.

“Did I cross a line?” Bambi asks, she's looking at everyone, slightly worried.

Johnny reaches over her and undoes her seat belt and shoves her down into Kyle's lap. She flails for a moment before Kyle gets her situated, already knowing what's about to happen. Johnny flips up the cute flowy skirt, slides it up her gorgeous brown thighs. The panties she wears today are neon pink and more lace than anything. Does she purposely wear such scandalous knickers under skirts and dresses? He strips them off of her, hands them to Simon, and he ignores Bambi's protest to give them back.

In fact she squirms and wriggles, “Johnny we don't have time.” She gasps as he gives a few kitten links to her clit.

“Ye’re gonna let me eat this pussy an’ ye're gonna sit back an’ enjoy it.” He isn't asking her, he's telling her just like she told him to do a few days ago. Then after he has his face buried completely between her thighs. He drags his tongue over her hole, dips it in to taste the beginning of her slick dripping from her.

A groan escapes him as he pushes his tongue into her. He slurps and sucks on her, kisses her clit before he sucks that too between his lips. Normally he would tease her, but this is a reward. He wants to thank her for caring about and looking after the group's most closed off and guarded member. The alpha in him purrs at the sound of her gasps and whines as she shudders against her pleasure. With each suck he gives her, his tongue flattens against her pearl and flicks up and then down.

“Lovie, please” She presses her hips up and Johnny pushes them back down into the leather seats. He doubles his efforts at the sound of his actual title leaving her lips. He'll reward her for that too, and two of his fingers slip into her warm wet cunt immediately.

“You're such a sweet little omega.” Kyle kisses her cheek and then turns her head to kiss her deeply on the lips. He sucks on her tongue, his hands wandering under her shirt to shove up her bra and pluck her nipples. He pulls away from the kiss, his lips hovering close to hers, “Already looking out for us, a true little gift you are.”

Bambi tries to close her legs but Johnny won't let her. He's ravenous with drinking up her slick as it spills out around each thrust of his fingers. He wishes it was his cock inside of her feeling the rhythmic clenching of her insides. He wiggles his fingers each time they are shoved into her, searching for that spot that will make her cream for him. He wants her to squirt on his face, fuck the shopping trip. He unlatches his mouth from her clit the second she wails out in pleasure.

“Fuck did I fin’ your sweet spot Bonnie?” He teased, his breathing was erratic as he quickly pumped his fingers in and out of her. The squelch of her pussy was music to his ears. “fuck I think she likes it.”

“Lovie, I can't, please Lovie!” Bambi is in hysterics as he forces her towards her orgasm as quickly as possible.

“Yea ye can, I just wannae make ye feel good.” He leans back down and licks up her slick from his wrist all the way up to her clit. When he's got enough on his tongue he pulls Kyle into a kiss. He wants to give his girl a show and it works from how she gasps and moans at the display.

“Oh fuck!” Bambi cums with a shout. Her body trembles with the waves of her orgasm but Johnny keeps the pressure of his fingers in her.

In and out, in and out. His thumb presses against her clit, drawing out her pleasure. The sounds of her whimpers and cries for mercy makes him proud and restless. He made her cum that hard and he is feeling a smug satisfaction about it. Bambi calms down and her body relaxes, he slowly slips his fingers from her. Without thinking, he shoves them into his own mouth and sighs at the taste of her. The taste of his darling bonnie omega.

“Wh- what was that for?” Bambi asks as she tries to catch her breath.

“Just ma thankin ye for lookin out for Si.” He answers with an impish smile.

“I'll be sure to do that more often then. Can I have my panties back?” She sits up and leans against Kyle. “I have on a skirt.”

“No.” John says before anyone else can answer, “Your skirt is long enough.”

She sucks her teeth and rolls her eyes, “What if someone sees?”

“You act as if the four of us can't deter others from looking at what's ours. So like he said…you're not getting them back.” Simon teases her, but there is truth to that statement.

Bambi pouts and turns her nose up, “All of you suck, I'm not even gonna go easy on y’alls pockets like I was gonna do.”

Everyone laughs as the truck pulls into a parking spot.

#john price #black!reader #john bravo six price x black!oc #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost riley #poly!141 #task force 141 #cod smut #kyle gaz garrick x black!oc #johnny soap mactavish x black!oc #johnny mactavish smut #johnny soap mactavish #simon riley x black!oc #cross posted on ao3

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