#bodies are strange

[the-other-jugs]

$500 reward for return of clear nostrils, removal of frog from throat and removal of creecher from chest

[felis-insomnis]

I would like to add to this that I started my period when I was 9 years old, in fourth grade.

I’m lucky enough to have an older sister and a mom who’d already prepared me for it, but even knowing what was coming I was still kind of freaked out the first time, because nothing can prepare you for that amount of blood out of nowhere.

I can’t imagine what it’d be like for someone who potentially has no idea what’s happening. That’s terrifying. Stop villainizing periods, assholes.

“So if little girls experience their menstrual cycle in 5th grade or 4th grade, will that prohibit conversations from them since they are in the grade lower than sixth grade?” asked state Rep. Ashley Gantt, a Democrat who taught in public schools and noted that girls as young as 10 can begin having periods.

“It would,” McClain responded.

Unbelievable. Link to article.

[marsbars1714]

Two things I find really funny:

1. Since I’ve started eating fried food basically everyday, my acne has overall gotten slightly better, not worse

2. The areas of my face that I touch often that are also pretty acne prone (chin, cheeks, etc) have, generally speaking, less acne that the acne prone places that I don’t touch as often

Which leads me to 2 theories ab my skin

1. I’m a slide sleeper and the parts of my face I don’t touch as often are on the side of my face that presses against my pillow, so those bits are getting dirty with excess oil. Possible things to disprove this theory: I use a facial cleanser every day, all over my face, once in the morning and once in the evening.

2. My face skin is either oily or dry and my hands are whatever the opposite of my face is, which balances out the parts of my face I do touch and leaves the parts I don’t touch unbalanced. Possible things to disprove this theory: my face should, theoretically, learn to stop producing oils/produce more oils if it is too oily/dry, which would lead to more acne in the parts I touch at some point and less in the parts I don’t touch

[hermit-frog]

[schismmm]

I have vertigo from wisdom tooth issues and it is wild. I walk like captain Jack sparrow right now. The vibe is drunk in the fems bathroom complimenting strangers who you love and trust.

[allangelschaos]

[norumaru]

Their Final Dance.

[konigsblog]

imagine könig eating an aphrodisiac chocolate?.. the reader must have gotten this from one of her friends, as a dare, probably.

König can't contain his appetite at times, he's a big man, you know to buy more because of König's large appetite.

Hunger takes over him and he can't control the irresistible urge laying on the countertop. Sometimes, the sight of chocolate is too much to bear and he finds himself with his hand down a bag of chocolate covered raisins and sultanas.

And today was no different. You had brought home a couple new things from the shops, along with a specific treat that your friend had dared you to buy while out together, a chocolate with an aphrodisiac inside of it. König didn't bother reading the packaging or the bright red warning on the packet, he never did.

Although, the effects that the sweet, addictive chocolate had on him were different from usual. Chocolate would usually fill König with dopamine and joy, but he found himself breathless and panting, his cheeks flushing a bright rosy pink with a bead of sweet running down his forehead. He gripped the edge of the kitchen countertop firmly, hunching over at the sudden agonising pain inside of his boxers.

He needed to find you, urgently.

You were surprised at the state of König, the mess he'd left himself in. At first, you were concerned, the redness of his cheeks and how his breathing had become heavy and laborious. Although, you quickly realised what had happened to your poor boyfriend once he placed your hand over his hard, stiff bulge.

He grunted gutturally and painfully through delirium, gritting his teeth as you pushed him down, lowering yourself onto your knees. You pushed any strands of hair in front of your face away and grinned playfully at the effects of the chocolate, your fingers already unfastening his belt and undoing his trousers.

König couldn't control his sensitivity and horniness. He felt greedy and ashamed of himself, his firm grip on your skull tightening when you wrapped your soft lips around his leaking cock, your warm and slick tongue pressed against the underside of his hung, heavy shaft.

“Godverdammt, you set me up, didn’t you?” König growled out. He couldn't contain the pleasure rushing through him at the familiar, warm sensation of your mouth, his lengthy and girthy cock stuffed down your little throat. He blamed you, an excuse to be brutal with you, to release all his sexual frustration and the stiffness of his weeping cock.

König took control pretty quickly. He lowered you down onto his lengthy, veiny dick and began to rut against your face, fucking your throat selfishly. Greediness took over König, his balls slapping against your chin, coated in your drool as you slobber all over yourself. “Choke, fucking take me- Please.”

It doesn't take König very long until he's hitting his release, his orgasm tipping over the edge, his body tense and trembling as he releases his white load down your throat, passing out through exhausted and ecstasy.

[linnytheseagull]

More classic literature YouTubers because it's so funny to me

Bonus content:

[fanofspooky]

Scream King - Kyle Gallner

[the-awful-falafel]

casually provides a slide-by-slide presentation to contextualize part of my Fake Peppino brainrot

[spookytuesdaypod]

when kim kardashian said “get your fucking ass up and work” just know she was not talking to kyle gallner bc this lil scream king has been booked and busy in the horror space since the aughts

[bunnieswithknives]

OK JUST A LITTLE THING BECAUSE IM INSANE @cubbihue

Song: Plastic by Cheekface

[meltedmush]

Dumbass thought but shizun (sy) x Tony the tiger

I’M CRYING

[c0ffinshit]

Reach Down (Simon [John Q.] x Reader) SMUT

a/n: hey guys, sorry this project is so rushed. i wanted to get something out since i haven't written anything in a hot minute. so i still hope you like it either way.

word count: 1,391

credit for the idea: @digitalpup444

warning: some poor grammer and spelling, porn with little plot, choking, priase/slight degradation kink, fingering with cunnilingus, dialogue heavy

You were never a huge music fan, and never considered yourself a fan of any given band. Because of this, you never got the hype of band worship, the idea of taking an average person and putting them on the highest level to the point where if they ruin that even slightly their career is over for good. 

That is until you got into the punk band PSYOPS. When the obsession hit, it hit like a bus. Suddenly, you were going to underground shows in gross basements and old warehouses. You were taking old shirts and cutting them up to put custom patches on them. You closely followed the band’s forums, trying to figure out their next show. Of course, the band knew of your existence.  It didn’t take long for you to end up in his truck, talking about what it was like being in a band. As you two talked, you felt a strong pull towards him. He liked making punk music and taking down the big man with lyrics. Toward the end of the car ride, he lit his second cigarette of the night and took off the mask as he pulled up to a house.

You always preferred John Q whenever talking about favorite band members. Something about never seeing his face drew you in him. What did he look like under that ski mask? Who was John Q? But when you finally saw his face covered in sweat from the show a shrug ran through you.

"What?" He asks, opening the driver side’s door to the truck, and shutting it with a thud.

You snap out of your daze for a minute, enough time to open your door and then shut it. "Nothing, don’t worry about it."

He glares at you, flicking his cigarette and pressing it under his boot. "Alright." 

He opens the house’s main door and leads you to his room, which looks like it hasn’t been cleaned. John flops onto his bed and groans loudly. You look around his room, slowly inching into his room. 

He notes this and sits up, watching you stare around his room. "Are you going to sit down? You look tired as fuck."

Your eyes flicker back to him. His boots are placed firmly on the ground and his forearms are just above his knees. It’s oddly sexy how he sits. Then again, he was handsome in general. 

"No, "You finally reply. "I’m fine, I promise."

John tilts his head back, smirking, and stands in your way. "You sure? You look…" His eyes look you up and down. "Tense."

You shake your head. "No, I’m fine. I’m just a big fan of your work and I don’t want to mess anything up-"

"Fuck off. You’re not ruining anything. You’re fine." He steps closer. "I mean that. You’re fine."

He eyes you up again, watching your hands hold each other. Your face slowly rushes with blood as he talks. Most critics would say that he speaks because he likes the sound of his voice, but honestly, it didn’t matter to you; you could listen to him talk for hours about whatever he wanted.

"Are you hitting on me?" You said, taking your hands apart. He snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me closer.

"Do you blame me? I’ve been hitting on you the whole night. " His face comes closer and you place your hands on his shoulders.

"Well, are you going to do something about it?"

"Do you want me to?" He asks, moving one of his hands to hold my chin.

A quick nod of your head and he pulls you in for a kiss. At first, his mouth tastes like licking an ashtray, but as his tongue snakes into your mouth, a faint of cheap beer covers your tongue. Your hands shake as they move up to hold his face. His other hand moves down to your ass, pushing you into his hips. His erection pressed against his thigh as you softly moaned into his mouth. John pulls away for a second, his lips covered in your saliva.

"Take off your shirt." He rushes out as he takes off his jacket.

Once you saw his shirt on the floor, you could feel yourself getting more excited.

You giggle and sloppily take off your shirt. His smirk returns to his face as he looks at your breasts.

"Such a good girl and such a cute bra. May I?" His hand ghosts over your bare skin, running his fingers along the lines of your body.

"Please," You whisper and his hands rush to squeeze at them.

His hands felt rough against your skin. You let parts of your body shine in the lamp near his bed. John’s tan but pale skin was dull and flat, yet was striking against your skin. You let out a small moan as his hands moved lower down your body.

"Take off those pants and get on the bed." He commands in a breathy yet dominant tone.

Your hands push the button and pull at the zipper of your jeans, revealing the cutest pair of the panties you own. Embarrassment sets into your face as you rush onto the bed. John smiles as his eyes look into yours.

"Fuck, you are so cute. For such a good girl, I didn’t think you’d be this much of a needy whore."

You giggle again at the compliment but stop as he slowly crawls onto the bed and in between your legs.

His eyes are dark as he kisses down your left thigh; every kiss is a small noise. "You doing alright?" He places his hand on your body. 

A low groan of approval leaves your mouth. He smirks a little as his hand continues to roam and his mouth continues to move downwards. "Good." 

He would’ve never figured you would be so sensitive. You lean forward and kiss his head, causing him to look up. He finally looks at you again, his first glance in a while. His hair was slowly starting to stick to his forehead. John has one of those stares that makes you shiver and squirm in your seat with pleasure. His face comes down to your throbbing heat, a small patch of slick waiting for him.

"Exicited were we?" He said with a small chuckle, kissing it right on the patch.

It was things like that that sent shivers up your spine. His fingers hook around the lining of your panties, slowly pulling them down. This was the most vulnerable you had been in a while.

"Before we start, can you do something for me, baby?"

A quick nods and he continues, his tone more hushed. "Call me Simon."

Before you can even process his request, Simon groans as his tongue snakes up your clit. At first, Lorne went slow, teasingly licking at your clit. But soon enough, Simon’s fingers were slowly entering your vagina. You looked down at his dark eyes, his tongue flicking at your clit; the lamp reflecting in his eyes. 

Going deeper into your pussy, goosebumps crawled up your skin. Your back arched. Suddenly, he stopped. His mouth pops from your vulva. You try to grab at his greasy brown hair, but end up pushing his head back down to your cunt. He started slowly; his tongue felt so good around your clit with every gentle, rough lick, and suck; you could feel myself growing weaker. He was licking and sucking, and the pit in your stomach grew tighter each second. He smelled of cheap beer, cigarettes, and old sweat. With each curl and press of his fingers in your pussy, your stomach swelled in pleasure. He looked up at me and his eyes looked as if he was smiling, which made you melt. You push your vulva more in his mouth and he lets out a low growl, making the pleasure more intense. 

Soon enough, your hot cum was dripping from his mouth and down his chin. When he finally poked his head back up, his smile was a sight for sore eyes.

"God, I’m surprised you were that quiet, still, such a good girl for me. So proud of you."

"It’s not about the sounds." You reply. "But it's about body language. At this moment, you have no idea how good I feel right."

[allangelschaos]