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xticklemeemox · 4 months ago

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The Love You Want: III, Part Eleven

fun fact this was like 18k yesterday. i took out the smut scene (its going into the next chapter) and was left with 15k…. and then i do this…

this chapter is 19,085 mcfreakin words

anyways as usual super insecure about posting this, i'm probably gonna hate it until the reviews come in and give me serotonin so yeah i love you guys thank you for reading im sorry this chapter probably sucks

Word count: 19,085

Ao3

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For a while, Vessel merely floats in an expanse of stars, awareness ebbing and flowing with the swirling galaxies around him. He is at peace, and that time is precious to him.

The peace is shattered in time, as the stars start blinking out one by one, a void opening up beneath Vessel. He sinks into it, inch by inch, as it swallows him whole.

Vessel didn't quite understand what was happening, at first. He didn't realize he was dreaming, didn't realize that none of what happened after he closed his eyes wasn't real. This realm felt just as much his reality as the waking world.

One moment he had been staring in horror as the galaxies around him exploded, the stars winking out above as he sunk into the abyss, the next he was blinking tired eyes open in his old apartment he shared with his third partner.

His single pair of eyes take in the dim lighting and the shadows in the corners that Vessel had grown used to being able to see with perfect vision. Where were his other eyes? His hands are holding his notebook open with a pen between pale fingers. The familiar pitch black with golden cracks is replaced with the pale, human skin he had Before. Panic sets in, a tremble shaking the pen pressed to a page of his notebook, smearing navy blue ink.

Vessel looks up again, forcing himself to look around as banging sounds from the kitchen, cabinets slamming shut loudly as he flinches with every harsh noise. The action is familiar. The walls are bare and the yellow paint faded. The dirty floors are chipped and covered in trash no matter how much he cleaned, laminated fake wood long since lost its shine. His panicked, wandering gaze catches on the line of cocaine on the coffee table in front of him. It was a small flat, only one bedroom, one bath. The kitchen and living room were attached, and there was barely any space for furniture. What little space there was, was taken up by her belongings. Vessel's old busted keyboard was in the corner, piled up with clothes that weren't his. It had been broken when his girlfriend had taken a hammer to it as he was playing, barely missing his fingers. There was no warning, no hesitation. Vessel couldn't even blame it on some drunken or drugged stupor. Her mind was perfectly clear when she yelled at him, screamed that his music was taking up all of his attention, that she had saved him and deserved better than this, as she smashed the ivory keys in and broke the buttons.

Vessel remembered sobbing so hard he threw up, dry heaving as he tried desperately to gather all the broken pieces and salvage the instrument. She'd been so pleased with herself, like she hadn't just destroyed the one thing, the only thing left, that made Vessel happy, until she got annoyed with him for crying over it. Not only was he in pain internally, after that, but his cheeks and ribs ached, bruised and battered after she was done with him. Then, she used him afterwards, and it hurt. She'd made sure. The bruises on his jaw and neck had lasted for weeks. There had been no point in hiding them, either. Vessel had no friends, no reason to leave the apartment. The wounds on his body eventually healed but a piece of him was shattered with his piano that day.

It was one of the worst days he'd ever had with her, and there were many bad days. Being with II and III has taught him that much... It was one of the only times she'd ever hurt him so severely, as she preferred ruining him with her words while his first girlfriend preferred her fists.

He tried to kill himself that night, once he was sure she was asleep. He couldn't handle being alive as it was, but for his last hope, his music, to be taken from him? Vessel couldn't remember a time where he had wanted to die more. He needed to erase himself from existence, no matter what it took. He'd limped to the bathroom across the hall and shut the door as quietly as he could. Held his breath deep in his chest as he waited, listened for any signs of movement from the bed. The door wouldn't lock, not after the first time she had pounded on it when he was cutting into his thighs and he couldn't bring himself to open it out of fear. She'd gone to the store the next day and bought a new doorknob, one without a lock. Grabbing the razor he kept on top of the mirror was easy. There was no real point in hiding it, she never cared to take them from him or say anything against his bloody habit. She was only a little shorter than himself, so she could have found it easily, too. Already naked, he had no need to be mindful of any of his clothes, and climbed right into the tub. It was too small for him, forcing him to bend his limbs at awkward angles to fit. Digging the blade into his arm deep enough to sever the vein had been painful but so easy at the same time. He'd slowly gotten colder as time stretched on infinitely, black spots gradually blotting out his vision as he wondered desperately if this was finally the attempt that would end all attempts and set him free. It wasn't.

Vessel had woken up in the tub, spilling out over its side like the blood in his arms, the shadows in the corners seeming to stretch endlessly into an infinite void. Vacant eyes couldn't seem to produce any more tears to shed, numb inside like he wished he was outside. He methodically cleaned up the blood on his arms, barely taking note of the scabbing already forming all along the vertical wound. Next had been wherever blood had slipped down his arms to the rest of his body, then the tub, and finally the floor.

He'd climbed back into bed, shivering from unnatural cold and the pain of his bruised bones as his mind wandered. Vessel vaguely remembered seeking any sort of comfort, pressing up to his girlfriend as she slept. The movement had woken her, then, and she placed a gentle kiss to his brow, barely awake, and then shoved him away to the other side of the bed. Rolling over to face away from him, she took the last bit of comforter he'd been afforded, and Vessel had felt so alone. She didn't question his puffy eyes or blotchy face that next morning, and didn't even care that Vessel had fallen into complete silence. She didn't care how he was or if he was hurt, as long as he was hers. A familiar possessiveness.

It felt nothing like II and III. He wouldn't mind being their possession. He was already Sleep's. When III had bitten him, in return for Vessel doing so when they'd had sex for the first time, they'd said it was to claim Vessel. That they liked the possessiveness it showed, and wanted to be possessive in return. Vessel's soul sang with yearning, and still his fear chained him down. They'd both treated him like he was worth something, loved him, cared for him, made him... made him want, to want, to-

Vessel forces his mind out of the pit its fallen into lest he travel down a road he's not sure he can stomach following. Not now.

He doesn't think II and III would ever destroy his piano because he wasn't paying enough attention to them. Sleep... perhaps if it was something aside from music taking his time, but there would be no need. Sleep could just bring Vessel to his realm on a whim.

Vessel hates this apartment and everything in it, he decides, himself most of all. But why is he back here? Why does everything feel so real? Was... Everything couldn't have been a dream. Vessel could never conjure up II and III on his own. They were too kind, so different from anyone Vessel had ever known that there was no possible way he could have dreamt them up.

"_! Did you break my favorite fucking glass? Are you fucking serious?!" Footsteps stomp towards him, like a death march.

Vessel finds he can't move, either from stiffening fear or something else keeping him in place. She called his name... didn't she? No, that's not his name anymore. Is it? No, no, he is Vessel. He chose it for himself, whatever name she called him isn't him. Not anymore.

Vessel shrinks back into the cracked leather couch, trying to disappear between the cushions at his back. He closes his notebook silently, stuffing it behind him between the cushions so his girlfriend doesn't find it.

She's in front of him between blinks as she screams unintelligible words through the ringing in Vessel's ears. Her face is a blur, the only feature he can see is her mouth, still moving as she speaks to him. There's a bit of white dust on her top lip, trailing down from where her nose would be. Her perfume is cloying, a strong scent that Vessel can't name as she grips Vessel's arm, nails digging into his bicep as she drags him up. He lets her, resistance long beaten out of him by those before her. She's still yelling, right into his ear now, it seems, as she pulls him along to the kitchen. The waste bin has been dumped all over the ground, glass scattered alongside the trash. There isn't much trash in the first place, since he took it out the day before and he'd only broken her mug this morning, but it doesn't matter as she shoves him harshly, weak knees buckling beneath him.

His palms land directly in the shattered remains of the glass he'd accidentally broken. He misses the smile that pulls one side of her lips up when he hisses at the pain, trying to keep the sound quiet.

"You broke my favorite glass and didn't tell me?" She spits, stepping close as she leans down into his face.

Vessel whimpers quietly as she digs her foot into the back of his hand, shoving more glass into his skin.

"I- I was going to get you a new one. They have it at the store all the time." His breaking voice is barely above a whisper, gaze locked on the floor in submission.

She laughs, a rose pink lipstick stain peeking out on her teeth, a well manicured hand coming to grip his jaw, "You? Go to the store? Don't make me laugh, ___. You know you can't go anywhere alone. I always have to go with you or in your stead since you're too pathetic to talk to people, let alone buy groceries on your own. I was going to find out eventually, and still you tried to hide it."

Her nails, the same color as her lipstick, dig into his cheek and jaw painfully. Vessel knows not to utter a sound, even as the sharp points feel like little, dull knives. He remains silent, knowing she won't want an answer.

Everything happening feels familiar. Did he live this before? Is this real? Is he back before Sleep, before II and III? If Vessel could move of his own free will, he'd take one of these glass shards to his neck to test it. He can only let things play out, even as fear makes him tremble. He hates being here. He wants II and III, wants them to hold him, so he feels safe again.

"Pick it up. With your hands, understand?" She orders, and when Vessel does not answer, can't answer when she's practically holding his mouth shut with how tightly she's gripping his face, she shakes his head side to side harshly as if he were nothing more than a doll to be played with until he's no longer wanted, "_, look at me, do you understand?"

Vessel's mind races as he tries to get his body to move, tries to answer her. Whether it was him or her who had broken the glass, she would always make him clean it up with his hands.

He tries to nod but her grip only grows tighter, nails digging harshly until Vessel swears blood is trickling down his jaw. Finally, she shoves him away, releasing his hand from underneath her shoe. He lifts it up, cradling it close as blood dribbles down his wrist.

"Can't even answer a simple fucking question. Clean it, _. I will not say it again."

Blood splatters on the tile as he does as ordered, starting with the biggest pieces that he puts in the trash bin. It had still been knocked over, and Vessel wipes his tears away with a forearm while he sets it upright. His tears do not stain his clothes, completely clear, human. Vessel hates it.

The smaller pieces start getting stuck in his fingers, getting shoved deeper into his skin as he picks up more glass shards. It hurts, but pain is a familiar friend.

Vessel cries anyway, on the verge of sobbing but he does not let a single sound escape his lips. He knows better. The tears fall regardless of his wishes, dripping onto his hands and the floor, blurring his vision so badly he can barely see to continue cleaning.

His girlfriend taps her foot relentlessly, just out of the corner of his eye, and he twitches with every movement, afraid that same foot will soon meet his skin.

"Faster, _. I don't have all day." Vessel tries, he really does, splitting more skin on the sharp pieces in his haste to do as ordered.

Nothing good comes from not doing as told.

Vessel thinks that there are more pieces to clean than before. Did he break more of the cup than he thought when he'd knocked it off the counter? He was almost certain there had only been a couple of large pieces to- Oh. She must have broken more of it when she dumped the trash all over the ground.

"God, fucking worthless, _. Stop fucking crying, its so goddamn annoying! All you ever do is cry, cry, cry. I'm fucking sick of it! Can't even do as told." She shouts, leaning down as sharp nails dig into his face again, "Am I not good enough for you? Is that why you never listen? I love you! Is that not enough?! Is my love not enough for you, _?!"

"If it weren't for me, you'd still be with your ex! I saved you from her, from the pain she caused you. I love you, more than she ever did! I deserve better than you being a whiny, pathetic, miserable man who can't do anything by himself! Who can't clean up his messes or tell the truth!"

With every word, Vessel feels himself slipping away further and further. A fog settling over his mind. Its happened before, not often, but enough for him to be familiar with the lack of memories after he comes back to himself. The shadows around him always seemed darker as he drifted away from his body, the distinct feeling of being watched so easy to brush aside.

His hands continue cleaning on autopilot, the repeated motions allowing his mind to slip away. Things get hazy, here. He doesn't remember finishing cleaning up the mess, and only vague pieces of being left to sit against the cabinets once she finally let him be, flicker through the fog of his mind.

He sits there, the world drifting in and out of focus, static in his ears, fingers tingling as he holds his knees to his chest.

"You know I love you, right, _?"

Vessel looks up and finds his girlfriend standing over him, dressed up in one of her nicer outfits that accentuated her curves. Her smile is kind, lipstick having been reapplied, as she reaches down to cup his jaw. Slowly, he nods with a smile of his own, wilted like his soul, feeling her grip tighten into something more familiar.

"Do you love me, too?" She asks, and the words are out of his mouth before he can stop them, "Of course, you're my everything."

"Good, that's good, _. You'd be all alone if it weren't for me, stuck with that bitch who didn't know how to keep you in line properly. You're so much easier to love when you behave, so don't break any more of my things, okay? Now, clean up all this blood, you've made such a mess again." Her smile remains sweet as she leans down to kiss him.

The kiss sends Vessel reeling, unused to affection like this. Vessel kisses her back, unable to stop himself. He wants to stop. He doesn't want her anywhere near him. He wants to go ho- He wants to be back at the manor, with II and III. He wants to die, right here, right now, permanently, if it means escaping the nausea that churns his stomach. It feels like seconds, or hours, later but she finally detaches her lips from his, patting his bruising cheek, so lovingly Vessel leans into it without a thought, and leaving again. The door to the apartment slams shut after her, and Vessel is left alone.

The silence is all he needs, the breath caught in his chest leaving him in a whoosh of air and taking a broken whimper with it.

Vessel sobs and sobs, silent, hitching breaths as his chest constricts, bloody fingers clawing into his arms as he hugs himself. His heart beats rapidly, a heavy thumping in his ears as he starts to hyperventilate, breaths coming in shorter and shorter pants, then wheezes, all while he whispers three little words desperately. He wishes he could stop saying them, questions their validity, now, as he chokes on the words through his sobbing.

"I love you, I love you, I love you-"

Vessel wakes up, choking on another sob he'd been about to let loose. Beside him, cuddled up into his side, is his plague doctor plushie. Sitting up is an arduous task, a weight pressing him down like a veil had been cast over his head and with every inch towards sitting up properly, its like it slips away. He's too distraught to truly take note of it, though.

He doesn't love her, he doesn't- not anymore. Not anymore.

He shakes with the force of his cries, muffled into the bloody hand he shoves over his mouth. Vessel doesn't trust himself to keep quiet right now, to be able to keep his sobbing as silent as it needs to be. He is shaken, rattled by the nightmare he has just woken up from, and yet his body, his mind is completely in perfect health. If you ignore the wounds he dug himself. If you ignore his panicked mind.

But he is not tired. The realization brings new tears to his eyes, ones of relief. Vessel couldn't remember the last time he wasn't utterly exhausted, even Before. He was always weighed down, but now its like a weight, one of many, has been lifted from his shoulders.

Stomping footsteps run towards him, echoing down the hall, and he turns to the door quickly, wide eyed as his mouth clicks shut. His body is shoved to the corner of the bed, his plushie stuffed half under a pillow and behind him, hidden from view. The blanket is pulled up over his chest as he hides his face between his knees to make himself as small as possible.

The door is slammed open, and Vessel expects to see his ex-girlfriend in the doorway. Instead, it is II, followed closely by III, and Vessel is struggling to get out from under the sheets so he can get to them. They both launch themselves at him before Vessel can manage to escape the covers, an exclamation from II the only warning he receives, "You're awake!"

They're warm against him, solid beneath his touch as he clutches each of their shirts with grey knuckled fingers. He didn't dream them up, he isn't back in that apartment with his ex.

He's safe, here.

"You're... real." Vessel murmurs, and the admission causes II and III to share a concerned glance.

It only makes him cry harder, for his fears to be abated. They have never hurt him like she did, like his other partners. To be shown it so starkly, the difference between the people of Vessel's past and those of his present is apparent... Vessel hates how afraid he was. Always such a fucking coward.

II presses kisses into his hair as Vessel claws at the back of II's shirt like he will disappear if he lets go, soaking II's shirt with his tears. III is silent at his side but holding him just as tightly. Vessel is thankful for the blanket he couldn't get out from under still covering him. He fears any day now that they will realize that he has no heartbeat. It terrifies him almost as much as the notion that they will eventually leave him, no matter how much they love him.

"You were asleep for an entire week, Vessel." II says as he finally pulls away, soft eyes widened in concern.

He keeps some part of his body touching Vessel regardless of the distance he puts between their torso's. III still says nothing, nor do they pull away, still holding tightly to Vessel, who squirms in apprehension despite craving the touch.

"Asleep?" Vessel murmurs, giving in and leaning into III pressed close at Vessel's other side, reassured by III moving away from Vessel's chest area.

"I- I don't have a headache." Vessel's quiet murmur is filled with muted awe.

"What happened to your face?" II asks, apologizing quietly when Vessel flinches back as he brushes a thumb over the bloody and bruised nail indents all along Vessel's cheek and jaw, smearing golden tears, too.

"I... Had a dream. It... It was more of a nightmare. My- My second girlfriend- She'd gripped my face with her acrylic nails as she yelled at me after I broke her cup. These were common, Before." Vessel explains, cupping his own cheek and feeling the indents underneath his fingers. "She made me pick up the broken pieces with my hands when I hid it from her. Did not care that I was going to get her a new one. I- I knew she would be angry with me, and I was afraid."

III eyes widen minutely, the scenario familiar. It was no wonder Vessel had looked so terrified when he'd broken III's mug. They want to ask for more details, to know what has befallen Vessel so III can't make sure never to repeat it, but his mouth is still shut. Vessel moves on before II can find the words to say, still running a finger over the indents in his cheek, "... This is a consequence of my rest."

'Sleep said something might happen.' III types out on their phone glumly, handed over for II to read out.

Vessel expects to hear III.

Wants to hear them. Needs them to say something. Why aren't they speaking? Vessel's memories are a mess, did he say or do something to anger them?

Vessel is suddenly bombarded with the fuzzy memories of what happened the night he last layed down.

"What did you do?"

III won't meet Vessel's eyes, he doesn't pull away either.

"Three, please, what did you do?" Vessel asks again, eyes wide in growing concern and horror.

III looks over to II, panic blatant over the bond as they silently converse with their eyes alone. II's lips thin in reluctant acceptance before speaking, "Sleep took his voice, temporarily... at least, we think its temporary. We'd- We'd both had enough of seeing you wither away from a lack of sleep, so- Three went to Sleep and demanded He let you rest."

"Demanded?" Vessel squeaks, a sob getting caught in his throat.

III demanded something of Sleep?

"He threw you out of the altar room! He- You- You could have been hurt! He took your voice!" Vessel raises his voice, distressed, pulling away to shove himself back in the corner.

His hands come to scratch at his arms as he holds himself. II looks around quickly, noticing Vessel's plushie right away and moving to grab it, to hand it over to Vessel. He had hoped something else to hold on to would make Vessel let go of his arms.

"Don't-!" Vessel blurts, crying harder, breath hitching in his chest as his throat aches with his fear.

II pauses, confused, but lets Vessel get his words out, "Don't destroy it. I'll- I'll do anything you want, just don't rip it. Don't throw it away."

Vessel digs his nails in harder, but can't force himself to grab his plushie to save it from its fate.

Slowly, II grabs the plushie with the gentlest grasp he can, handing it over to Vessel who takes it with trembling fingers, "I'm not going to hurt it, Ves. Why do you think I would do that?"

Vessel's lips pinch shut as he holds his plushie close to his chest, fingers trailing rhythmically over the plush material of its coat as he continues crying, "She would destroy my things. For loving them more than I loved her, she would say. My keyboard, my lyric notebooks. My 'Alpha Wolf' hoodie... it isn't the original. I had to save up for months to replace it."

III shakes with his anger, reaching out towards Vessel with arms opened invitingly. Vessel reaches back, crawling into III's lap and curling his head up against their stomach, tears never once ceasing. III runs a hand through Vessel's hair, uncaring how dirty it is.

"She should never have done that. She had no right, no reason-" II sucks in a deep breath to calm himself, clenching his fists in his lap.

"I'm sorry. I- I do not think you would do that, I just- That dream felt more like my reality. I thought- I thought I had been dreaming all of this up and that she had never abandoned me... that I was still stuck there where she hurt me, staying because I loved her and terrified to be alone. I realize, now, faced with what she was like... You two could be no more different from anyone else I have ever loved."

"I'm sorry, Vessel. I'm- I'm so sorry-" II isn't sure what to say, can't seem to find the words to express his thoughts.

"Do not apologize. It is not your fault." Vessel tries to reassure, still wiping away tears that are replaced quickly.

III simply holds him as he continues crying, II keeping a hand on his hip. Eventually, Vessel manages to calm down enough to speak again, small hiccups interrupting his words.

"Three... You risked the ire of our God... for me?" Vessel asks, so quietly its as though he thinks anything louder than a whisper will shatter the fragile atmosphere and everything he knows will be lost.

Vessel had never been a happy man, even in love. Not until II and III. They made him happy. Made him want to do better, be better.

His time After is still tainted with a pain of its own, but it is Before that lingers. Vessel... he wants to be rid of the past. He doesn't know how to start.

"You... You did not have to do that. I'm not worth it- Sleep, He took your voice for it, Three. You shouldn't have- I'm not worth it." Vessel's voice sounds defeated, a fresh wave of tears spilling over his cheeks, staining III's pajamas with gold.

"You are worth it! You will always be worth it!" II protests, falling silent with a miserable expression when Vessel shakes his head in silent refusal.

III holds Vessel to himself tightly, face screwed up in agony at the inability to reassure Vessel. III can't handle not being able to see Vessel's face properly, needing some way to communicate while still holding him. III pulls Vessel up by his shoulders, desperately grasping the others clothes before moving their hands to his face to cup it in a tender hold.

Shaking his head, III pleads with their eyes for Vessel to understand that they disagree with what Vessel has said. They have never hated Sleep taking their voice from them more than in that moment, feeling golden tears slip over III's thumbs.

"Do not ever do anything like that again." Vessel demands between his hitching, quiet sobs, hands coming up to hold onto III's, "I- I do not want to lose you. Please, Three, please! Promise me. Promise me, promise, promise-"

III looks to II for help, begging with their eyes for II to understand that III can promise no such thing as they shake their head profusely.

"Three can't promise you that, Vessel. I would do the same for either of you. You would do the same for us. We love you, at the risk of ourselves. We believe you worthy of our love, and so you will have it." II says, always so gentle with Vessel when he does not deserve it, does not feel worthy of it.

"I do not want either of you to get hurt because of me." Vessel whimpers, one hand falling down to clutch at II's on his thigh. "I want to protect you. I need you safe and unharmed, for my own sanity."

Vessel knows he must be a pathetic sight. Still, they do not shove him away. They do not hit him or scold him for his tears.

They love him, and Vessel believes it when they say so, when they press more kisses on whatever part of his body is in reach. No boundaries are crossed, his most closely kept secret remains just that, and Vessel is safe.

Despite knowing this, Vessel is... a little afraid of the next time he inevitably sleeps. Dreaming has brought forth things he had tried his hardest to forget, things Sleep had tried to bury without taking away who he was. Without his pain, Vessel would have been an empty shell.

Perhaps Sleep should have made Vessel forget everything, should not have left his pain, or any bits and pieces of who he was Before. Maybe he wouldn't be so damaged, now. He- He could have been a fresh slate, easier to love, easier to be loved.

This journey would have been so much easier... but would it have been the same...?

Once Vessel is fully calmed down, II and III reluctantly leave him to shower and change into different clothes, the tension that had been so high the past week loosening. Thinking nothing of the front door opening and closing, III lets Vessel wander off without his shoes again, peeking their head into the foyer to still see them by the door. III shrugs despite the errant thought that the other had just showered, going back to watering his plants in the house while II took a much needed nap, Elvira weaving between his feet as he wandered around. II didn't manage to sleep very well, worried over Vessel as he had been, so III isn't surprised he's trying to catch up on some much needed rest to try and relieve the pent up stress. They're in the middle of trimming up some damaged stems and leaves on the plants in the upstairs sitting room, unsure how much time has passed since Vessel left, when there is a pulling in III's chest, a tug on the bond he shares with the vessels. At first, they think it is II, since Vessel does not get their attention this way often. II is confused when III finds him up in his room, groggy from where III had woken him from his nap.

III apologizes quickly with a gentle pat to II's head, turning around to leave. They turn back quickly at II's slurred request for a kiss. II has nodded off again before III even reaches the door, and the sight threatens to bring a smile to III's face, though his sealed mouth stops it. III goes to find Vessel next, putting their shoes on at the door as the tugging persists. It does not lead in any particular direction, unlike the bond with Vessel that III can feel leads off faintly into the forest.

Stepping outside, III immediately notices something different, a change that strikes fear into their heart. One of the large trees by the house that lends a decent chunk of shade to the walkway leading to III's garden, has turned red. Its leaves, trunk, and branches are all a startling crimson color, like blood.

III doesn't think it was like this just this morning, but aside from taking care of their garden, neither II or III had left the shelter of the manor while they waited for Vessel to wake.

Vessel's probing, concerned bond leads off into the forest, and III will have to brave seeing so much red if he wants to find him, seeing down their own reassurance to relieve Vessel's worry. First, III needs to finish watering their plants, the task only half completed when he and II had felt the beginnings of Vessel's bond stirring as the other woke up slowly. The warm weather lends to the sweat trailing down III's back, and they know they will need a shower later, regardless of the dirt they're accumulating on their knees and hands while they water their plants.

Too soon, or perhaps not soon enough, that task is done, and its time to find Vessel. Steeling himself, III takes a deep, shaky breath. Walking further into the forest, III tugs questioningly on his bond with Vessel. There is a brief stint of sudden panic from him before its schooled into false calm and Vessel tugs back, leading III towards him. III sends down gentle affection, trying to soothe whatever made Vessel so panicked. Vessel's responding affection, quieter and more gentle than III's overwhelming love (no matter how subdued they had tried to make it) is treasured. They wonder if Vessel has realized it is their love that III sends him so often.

As III goes, he notices small little bits of flora have turned that same crimson as the tree by the house. A mushroom here, a patch of moss there, all red like blood. Any trees, their trunks like stained crimson bone, cast red light into the ground through the leaves. The sun beats down on III from above, but the thick canopies provide ample shade for most of the walk.

Vessel meets III at the edge of what seems a large expanse of red behind even III's enhanced eyesight, an unusual bounce in his step. Small band-aids have been placed over the nail marks torn into Vessel's cheek and jaw, and III is glad Vessel had clearly taken time to bandage them at all, after his shower. Vessel looks full of energy, bouncing on his feet with an eagerness III doesn't usually see from him. The rest has done him well. His demeanor now is such a stark contrast to what it was when he had woken up earlier that is almost sends III reeling.

The tugging in III's chest does not loosen, nor does it tighten, only persists in no particular direction. Following closely behind the First is a white stag, the same that Vessel had described to them. It towers over both of them, remaining a few steps behind Vessel as he walks. III eyes the beautiful, morbid creature warily as Vessel hesitantly reaches out for III's hand, a nervous, hopeful smile making his eyes all scrunch cutely.

"Three! This is the stag I told you about." Vessel says as III nods along, already having guessed it.

His modern English accent is more pronounced with his more energetic movements, as Vessel brings III's hand up to kiss his knuckles, "It will not hurt you, I promise."

III takes out his phone, typing a little slower than usual as he only has one hand available. Vessel waits patiently, a sad sheen overcoming the happiness in his eyes at seeing III.

?¿?: i believe you. whats in there?

"It is... Sleep's realm, here, in its earthly counterpart. I think it is a consequence of my rest. It is potentially dangerous, there are many of Sleep's creatures now residing there alongside this stag." Vessel explains, weary, "Promise me you'll stay away? Please, it is all I ask for." Vessel pleads, desperate for the other to agree.

III wants to protest, wants to assure Vessel that they can protect themself just fine, but Vessel is asking something of him... And III can find no discernible reason to disagree.

?¿?: alright ves, I promise

"Thank you, Three. For listening to me." Vessel smiles in relief, turning back to the stag, "You may go, if you wish. I've kept you from your duty long enough."

The stag snorts, shuffling its hoove in the rust red soil before it moves forward. III tries not to stiffen too noticeably as it moves closer to them, taking in the ghoul fungus littering what of its body that is not bleached bone.

"Steady, love, it will not hurt you." Vessel reassures, moving minutely closer to III's side despite his words.

III trusts Vessel, and so does not allow themself to back away like instinct demanded. It is easily a foot or two taller than III when it comes to stand in front of them, and for just a second, III cannot help the smile that pulls at the threading holding their lips shut at the thought of II beside the creature. He would look absolutely tiny beside it.

The stag leans close, large, sharp, branching antlers coming into startling focus as it bows its head before III. Careful not to startle it, III reaches up and places a hand right above where it's snout would be, fingers meeting only bone as empty eye sockets somehow seem to bore into III's very soul.

"Do you think the lovely creature would make Two look smaller than he already is?" Vessel jokes, and III could cry at the ease in which he does it, how he had voiced III's own thoughts.

If III could laugh, he imagines it would be a wet sound with promise of tears, but instead, all he can manage is a wheeze of air out his nose and his shoulders shaking. III nods eagerly in answer, eyes crinkled at the edges, and Vessel thinks they look beautiful. He wasn't sure the joke would land, perhaps even expected it to be met with irritation. Neither II nor III have ever met his negative expectations. They've exceeded every one of them with kindness and- and love, that Vessel feels he will never deserve.

The stag pushes its head further into III's hand, and while III isn't sure the creature can even feel his touch, he still pets above where it's snout should be anyway. Vessel lays a hand on the stag's side, where a patch of crimson moss has covered some of the vertebrae on its spine.

"It likes you." Vessel chuckles, still a quiet thing, but it surprises III nonetheless.

He's come so far since they'd first met. For him to laugh, as quiet as it was... Fuck, III loves him so much. Could not possibly put into words just how much Vessel means to them, but wants to try.

III can't, not right now, and it hurts.

III presses impossibly closer to Vessel's side as they both continue petting the stag. The creature lets them with no outward signs of displeasure. Displaying any sort of emotion may be difficult, though, with a lack of skin and muscles... and eyes.

Vessel turns his head in the direction of the house, tilting his head just so to the side as his petting ceases, "Sleep is calling for us. For you. He says you are not answering him."

III can't quite recall a time where Sleep had called for him, specifically. He's not sure II had ever been summoned either.

?¿?: is that wht this tugging is? It didnt leadt kn any particluar directon

Vessel squints at the phone for a second to decipher what III has written past the spelling errors, frowning. "Yes. I don't recall him ever calling on you before, so it might be different since you're the Third."

?¿?: ididnt mean to ignroe him

"Its alright, He says he's not upset, just that He merely wishes to speak with you." Vessel says, frowning heavily. "I think He is... regretful over what happened but will not speak to you directly, right now. I do not know why."

III puts his phone back in his pocket, bowing his head to the stag. They back away only slightly to avoid the antlers when the stag bows its head in return to both him and Vessel, before turning and walking back from whence it came.

"Do you wish to go speak with Him?" Vessel asks hesitantly as they, too, start walking back towards the manor hand in hand.

If it weren't for Vessel, III is sure they would have gotten lost trying to make their way back from this deep inside of the forest. Vessel seems quite certain of where he's going, though, so III trusts him.

?¿?: of course i do our god is calling gor me why wouldnt i want to speak witu him

"Because he almost hurt you." Vessel whispers, almost lost in the noises of the forest.

?¿?: i made him angy He could have just obliterated mr on the spto

"That... does not make it right." Vessel falls silent after finishing.

The short conversation peters out as they walk, hand in hand. III starts swinging their hands, curious as to what Sleep wishes to speak with them about. Maybe III will finally get his voice back. And use of his mouth in general, they're really quite hungry.

"I miss your voice." Vessel says suddenly, and III turns their head to look at him, finding Vessel already watching them with sad eyes.

III cannot even smile to reassure him, and they hate it.

"I- I miss hearing you talk to your plants while you water them. I miss hearing you call me by my nickname with that thick accent of yours. I miss hearing you laugh, so heartily it shakes your whole body. I miss hearing you." Tears well up in III's eyes as Vessel speaks, and he pulls both of them to a stop.

?¿?: im not too much?

"Never. You have never been too much, and I assure you, you never will be. Not to me." Vessel states with firm resolve, truly believing in every word he says.

III shoves his phone in his pocket and reaches up, grabbing Vessel's face, fingers threading into the others hair as he kisses him. Vessel lets out a noise of surprise, but does not protest the action. It is more of III pressing his lips to Vessel's than it is an actual kiss, but it will have to do. III swamps the bond with all the gooey, warm affection and adoration flooding his veins in the hopes that Vessel will feel it for what it is.

III pulls away, planting gentle kiss after gentle kiss all over Vessel's face until the other is a blushing mess. He looks so fucking pretty, III feels as if his heart is going to burst right out of his chest.

Vessel's blush lingers long after III pulls them forward once more, trusting Vessel to tell him if they start going the wrong direction.

III takes his shoes off at the front door, following Vessel up the staircase. They both try to keep quiet so as to not wake II, who is still resting. A quick glance see's his door open like III had left it, with Elvira laying in the doorway without a care in the world, sprawled across the floor like a particularly chunky pillow tossed aside carelessly.

The altar room is dark except for the single red candle, already lit. Vessel gets to work on lighting the others while Sleep speaks without preamble.

"You may leave us, my First. I wish to speak to the Third in private." Sleep says as III kneels before the altar, hands clasped in front of them on their knees.

Vessel does not say anything for a moment, nor does he move to leave. He lights the last candle and snuffs out the match, coming to stand beside III. A large hand falls to rest on III's head, slowly stroking over III's hair. If the situation weren't quite so serious, III might not have had to shove down the ardent arousal at Vessel standing over them like that, with such a steadfast expression on his visage.

"Can I... trust you with them, now, after what you did? If it were not for my- the manor's vines, you'd have hurt him." Vessel questions, finally raising his head to stare into the sigil on the wall resolutely, his eyes glowing a faint crimson.

There is a profound sadness in the bond, shared with their God, "I will not hurt them, my First. You have my word."

"Keep it, please. Or you will lose me. You've granted my wish... I implore you not to threaten it."

"I will lo...?" Sleep's voices seem to break into something deeply hurt, "Very well. I will not hurt the Third, nor the Second. Now, leave us, my First. I wish to speak with him."

Frustration and fear cloud His words before it is smoothed over into something ice cold to hide the hurt. III feels surprisingly... sympathetic.

"Are you certain you will be alright?" Vessel turns to III before he leaves, six eyes full of question as they scan his face.

III waves him off nonchalantly while they nod. Vessel stares down at him in scrutiny for a moment longer before slowly patting III's head only once. His footsteps make no sound as he glides out of the room and shuts the door behind him.

"A truly bewitching creature." Sleep muses, affection bleeding into their words as easily as breathing, if the God even breathes.

The golden flame flickers, shining brightly in the room as a fog roils around III's stomach, covering the flooring up so thickly III can't see their own legs. A veil seems to settle over III's head, weighing him down, shoulders hunching forward.

"Now, my Third. Your and the Second's insolence stems from your love for the First." Sleep practically spits, tone startling different from mere seconds ago, before all of their voices seem to sigh, the sound of it mismatched and echoing all around III.

The same tendrils keeping III's mouth shut wrap around their legs to keep them in place.

"I wanted vessels who would love him, who would not hurt him. I suppose I've found just what I was looking for, if you're so willing to anger me on his behalf. I told him your love was true, fleeting as it may prove to be." Sleep gripes, keeping III motionless and silent as their knees begin to ache.

"I- I apologize." Sleep spits out the apology like He'd sucked on a lemon.

III isn't sure why they picture a pinched face when they think of what sort of expression Sleep must be making, but he's sure he's right. Sleep continues, "I do not take kindly to demands. I... do not entirely understand humans and how they function. Much of my knowledge stems from my Firsts' experiences."

'Watch us, and learn, then. We are yours, but you are also ours. Learn from us as we learn from you.' III wants to say aloud, wants to scream until Sleep listens to him, but they settle with speaking with the God over the bond, pulling tightly on it so Sleep will listen, 'I love Vessel dearly, but his life has torn him apart from theinside out. He understands human emotion better than you, but he has only ever experienced a skewed version of love. What he has undergone is not love. Those before II and I, did not love him, not truly. We love him.'

"My First's physical state, self-inflicted injuries aside, has shown remarkable improvement in functionality. I have never seen him quite so... lively. Not since he was a young little thing. I thank you, even if we do not know the extent of the consequences his sleep will bring. Already, my earthly realm is changing, pieces of the realm I reside in bleeding over into the other plane. My First has more control over my realm than I had originally thought... My own doing, no doubt."

Sleep continues, "I... I will take care from now on to watch all three of you. Not just my First. Your voice will be returned to you, my Third. Oh, and take these, for the First and Second. Jewelry to disguise themselves around other humans. Use your own divine gift for the same purpose, Third."

Weight settles in III's hands, the appendages feeling distant from his mind and yet their fingers clasp around the items tightly. "Your voice will be returned to you when awareness flows back into your body. As of now, your mind is in a state of rest, on the cusp of sleeping. I hope it will bring us closer, so that next time I call upon you, Third, you will recognize it as myself doing so."

III nods, the action feeling distant, as though it was performed by someone else. Despite his body not feeling like their own, their mind is clear.

'Thank you, Sleep. Can I risk your rage once more? There is something I need to tell you.'

Apprehension colors Sleep's voices but He allows III to say what he will.

'I am not an idiot, Sleep, despite what my human peers thought. Vessel is your favorite, that is clear. But you chose us, too. We worship you just the same. All three of us are meant to be yours. I feel it in my soul, just as I feel it with II and Vessel. I want to be here with you, with them. Do not... I beg of you not to push us away. Don't make Vessel choose between us, or you.'

Sleep does not say anything further, contemplative in His silence, but their presence is cool against III's back, like a hand has come to rest on the sigil painting their lower back. It tingles under the phantom touch, long after that touch is lifted.

Vessel clings to III when the other comes to, still sat on his legs in worship. They blink in mild confusion, immediately getting an armful of Vessel to III's delight. The fog has lifted, no traces of it lingering on the floor, but III isn't surprised. The veil he had felt over his head seems to have lifted, too. III is too disoriented still to register that Vessel had briefly hugged him, such a quick thing that it didn't feel like much of a hug at all. Still, III cherishes the action dearly.

"I'm alright, Ves. Sleep apologized, and said He would try to do better."

"He returned your voice!" Vessel's face lights up with a smile.

"I did." Sleep's voices sounds through the room, "I have called the Second here, stay."

"Of course, Sleep." Vessel answers, arms wrapping around one of III's own, head coming to linger close to III's as though he wants to lean into them further.

"For you, from Sleep. He says you and II can use these to look human, while I will use my magic." III says, handing Vessel the necklace held tightly in III's fist.

"My necklace? Did He enchant it somehow?" Vessel asks rhetorically, taking the necklace gingerly.

The coin necklace looks just the same as Vessel remembers, having seen it just this morning in his bedside drawer, but he supposes a bit of Sleep's magic now swirls through the chain. Vessel thanks III for the necklace, holding it in hand while he leans his head on III's shoulder. He remains close to III even when II comes in, rubbing tired eyes. Sleep must have woken him from his nap.

Vessel and III remain on the floor, so II simply joins them on III's other side, placing a hand on III's thigh.

"Wait no longer. Tell him of your new manager, Second."

II's tired face scrunches in worry, but does as told, Bristol accent thick with sleep, "Sleep got us a manager for our band. We- We have a meeting with him tomorrow, at the record label he works under. I couldn't push it back any further or he was going to let us go regardless of Sleep's influence. We, uh, need to choose a name before we meet with him."

Straight away, Vessel's bond floods with anxiety. He doesn't say anything for a moment, only nods, trying to hide his face in the space between III's neck and shoulder.

Vessel speaks up quietly, surprising II and III who had expected him to remain silent due to his clear panic, "The band is an offering to Sleep, each song a token of our devotion. Sleep Token."

Vessel's six eyes go a little wide in startled apprehension, pulling away from III to look at both of them properly, "I mean, only if neither of you have any better ideas. I- You both probably do have something better than-"

"It's perfect." II states firmly, and it really is perfect.

II may have his strong opinions on the way Sleep handles Vessel's physical health, but II still cares for the God. He brought II from death, saved him, promised him fame and acknowledgement for his hard work in life. He brought him to Vessel, brought him III.

"Yeah, it's a neat name, Sugar. I was gonna offer up Sleep's Eepies. Or The Sleepies."

"The Vessels." II tacks on with an amused smile, tracing a subconscious pattern into III's thigh with a thumb.

Vessel's own amused smile is slow to lift his lips, lopsided and adorable. "You just wanted to name us after our group chat?"

"Why not?" III shrugs with a wide mirthful grin.

"Are you sure you're ready for all of this, Ves? You've barely been able to sing in front of us even with your mask. I know your voice is good, and we have a decent amount of songs written now, I just- I worry for you." II says, concerned.

"As ready as I will ever be. Circumstances have led us to putting this off for too long. It is time we do as we were made to, worship musically and bring in more worshippers. I need to do this. I can- I can force myself to sing if I must. The mask will help. It will be different, too. A proper ritual. Sleep will likely have more to do with it than He does when we practice."

"Yes, my First. You'll most assuredly feel me more strongly. You will do well, I know it. Do not fret. Hand over the Seconds gift, my Third. The coin necklace is a gift from my earthly realm. It deemed fit to bestow you a token of gratitude, First. I have placed a spell on it, to grant you the ability to take on your previous human appearance." Sleep explains as III hands II the necklace clutched in their hand, "The necklace is a gift to the Second from myself, for the same purpose."

"Is there not risk of danger, for us to be perfectly alive when we've all legally died?" III questions, voicing the thoughts of all the vessels.

"No, my Third. You came to the manor as your human selves. The only danger is potentially meeting those from your past, but my earthly realm is nowhere near any of them. There should be no real danger. Keep your identities hidden from the world except a trusted few, if you find any humans worthy of that trust. Your previous names will be written on any needed documents but a bit of magic will keep anyone from looking into them."

Vessel is silent throughout the conversation, eyeing II's new necklace as he fingers his own. Two drumsticks crossed over each other, with air streaking off of them like they were being spun. It makes the drumsticks look like scythes. A fitting piece of jewelry for II, Vessel thinks.

"You may all leave, if you wish. I will not be calling upon you today, nor tomorrow, my First. There will be much to do once speaking with that human manager of yours."

"Thank you for returning my voice." III says as they all stand.

None of the vessels move apart from each other, remaining close.

"I took it from you in my anger. It is only right I return it at some point." Sleep brushes off the thanks, but III knows, now, that the God appreciates their words.

He's about as attuned to his own emotions as Vessel is. III lets out a little sigh as everyone makes their way down to the main floor of the manor. From what III garnered, Sleep was about as emotionally intelligent as a rock, except about love, apparently.

And that comment Sleep had made about Vessel... He had implied He knew Vessel when he was a child...

How long did Sleep linger around Vessel before choosing him as the First? Or was Vessel always meant to be the First? The conversation certainly gave III some food for thought, but he would much prefer actual food as their stomach growls loudly.

"I'll cook you something, pretty." II says, not bothering to look back as he moves to the kitchen, III and Vessel following hand in hand without a word.

Vessel and II work together to make III something filling, but light. II refuses to let III help cook, having him sit on the counter while he and Vessel worked. It took more time than it would have if II had done it by himself, but Vessel had quietly asked to help, and II wouldn't refuse him much of anything.

It certainly didn't help that III wouldn't stop grabbing one of them by the shoulder when they passed, pulling them into a soft kiss before letting them continue. II and Vessel had no complaints to give.

III inhales their food voraciously, a man starved. The rest of the day is spent in front of the couch, watching Fairy Tail cuddled close with blankets and pillows covering the floor around them for comfort. Snacks galore are piled up on the coffee table, the last of their stash. None of them watched too much of the show itself, despite their best efforts. II and III were far too busy sharing kisses with each other, and stealing them from Vessel.

One thing became abundantly clear to III over the course of that conversation with Sleep, a multitude of little signs piling up until the picture painted is clear to him.

Sleep is in love with Vessel, in some way or another.

The next morning, Vessel is getting ready to leave the manor. He dresses in a plain black long sleeve shirt and a pair of tight jeans, leaving his socks and boots for when they head out the door. Tugging his unruly hair into his preferred half up, half down style, Vessel aims for something a bit non-descript in hopes he won't get stared at as much as if he wore his fancier clothes. Vessel slips his magic infused necklace into his back pocket, its weight heavy, and heads out of his room.

"Won't you be hot in that, Ves?" III asks as Vessel passes by them in the hall, their dirt covered hands a familiar sight.

He must have just left an offering for Sleep.

"I do not wish for anyone to stare at my bandages." Vessel says, leaning into it when III pulls Vessel close with an arm around his shoulder so they can steal a quick kiss.

"If anyone says anything rude, I can just punch them." III offers with a bright grin as though he could think of nothing more fun, or deserving.

Vessel laughs quietly, which causes III to grin even bigger, stealing another kiss. "As much as I think you'd enjoy that, we don't need you getting arrested the very day we meet the manager for our band."

"You guys would bail me out with Sleep's money. Besides, if someone did say something rude, it would be a deserved punishment and I wouldn't even mind the jailtime." III shrugs with one shoulder, still not quite letting Vessel go.

They've completely stopped in the hall now, but Vessel doesn't mind, in no true rush to leave. "I need to go finish getting ready, I'll see you in a bit." III says, placing one last chaste kiss to Vessel's cheek before bounding off.

Vessel heads down to the bathroom to reluctantly see himself as a human again. Its something he knows he must do, out of curiosity or a need to see what had made him so unlovable that only a God cared for him once he'd already perished. He fiddles with the coin necklace in front of him as he walks, passing by II who is sat on the last step clutching Elvira close to his chest, cooing at her like she were a babe. Its endearing, and Vessel brushes his hand over II's head as he passes.

He doesn't bother closing the bathroom door, only stares at himself in the mirror for what feels like forever before his head falls to look at the sink, at his mask placed on the porcelain counter to its side. Slowly, he lifts up the necklace and pulls it over his head. The weight of it settles over his chest and Vessel cannot seem to force himself to look up, to see.

Biting his lip harshly, Vessel does manage it.

He takes one glance in the mirror, at the single set of dull blue eyes speckled faintly with lighter blue shades, the rounded, human ears and the lack of Sleep's markings anywhere on his body, and puts his mask on to deter himself from tearing into the supple flesh of his face with his nails. The necklace slips over his head and is stuffed in his pocket again before even ten seconds have passed. He cannot stand the sight of himself from Before.

There is relief in seeing himself as he is, knowing what he looks like now under his mask. This is who he is, all the otherworldly inhuman parts of himself mixed with who he was Before, ugly, unsightly. A face made for radio, his boyfriend had said, the first time Vessel had played a song for him.

He supposes there is beauty too, in the features he shares with Sleep. The only parts of himself he has grown to appreciate to some extent. Only for his God.

Stepping out of the bathroom, II waits for him, leant against the wall. "Are you alright, my love? I felt how upset you were in the bond. Three was going to ask you about it but I encouraged him to finish getting dressed instead." He says, pushing off the wall to step forward and take Vessel's hands.

They tremble in his tender hold, and Vessel crumbles at the softness of II's sky blue eyes. "I do not like being glamoured, nor without my mask. I.. I do not have a face worth looking at."

II's eyed are sad, but his smile is kind as he contemplates what to say. Vessel lets him think, shuffling forward to be just that little bit closer to him.

"When I first saw you, sobbing with two new sets of eyes... I thought you were the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. When I saw you, moments ago, entirely human without any trace of Sleep's marks, I still thought that exact thing. My breath got caught in my chest and I was awestruck. You're beautiful Vessel, glamoured or not. Without your mask, or with it."

Fresh tears well up in Vessel's eyes, overcome with such strong love, such hope and disbelief. He manages to keep them from falling, but his voice cracks and breaks often, "I do not see what you see. I do not feel beautiful. I do not feel worthy of your affection, your kind words. Your love. I want to, though. You and Three... you're both so... so wonderful. I want to feel worth your love."

"You are worth our love, sweetheart, and we're trying to help you realize that." II says gently, bringing his hands, and subsequently Vessel's own hands, up to cup Vessel's cheeks.

Vessel's hands are cold on his face, warmth from II's hands a stark contrast. His eyes flutter at the affection, staring down at II with such blatant adoration that II feels nearly overcome by it.

"I know. You've helped me so much, in my ways than one. Even before Three got here. It means the world to me that you care enough to try when I don't des- Don't feel like I deserve it."

"I'm proud of you for making the distinction between not deserving something and feeling like you don't deserve something. That's important, Ves." II smiles up at him, and Vessel knows he would lay the world to waste if anything ever happened to the shorter man.

Vessel wants to see II as he is, without the glamor keeping him human. His eyes seem dimmer, not so bright of a blue without the black sclera surrounding the irises. Seeing his usual nose ring and eyebrow piercing is reassuring in ways Vessel didn't think it would be, the familiarity a godsend.

Vessel's answering smile is wobbly, but pleased in a muted, unsure sort of way.

Three little words are on the tip of Vessel's tongue. He wants to say them, doesn't want to let the fear that holds his tongue keep him from telling II he loves him, even if II doesn't say it first.

Vessel opens his mouth to speak, to tell II that he loves him-

"Are you boys ready? We need to be there in a few hours and its at least an hour drive. I want to find a sex shop. Oh, and we need to get that mattress for the living room! And groceries!" III calls, cockney accent thick, footsteps heard as they make their way down the staircase.

Vessel's mouth shuts, but his lips remain curled into a lopsided smile. II huffs out a laugh with an eye roll, standing up on his tippy toes to plant a chaste kiss to Vessel's lips. Vessel leans down a little so II doesn't strain himself trying, pressing his own kiss to II's forehead. He lingers there, foreheads touching, before he pulls away.

One day, Vessel will tell them. When he gathers the courage.

The further away from the manor they drive, the less of Sleep the vessels can feel. The tether connecting Vessel with Sleep grows thinner with distance, but at least Vessel can still feel him, faint whispers in his ear that he cannot discern. II and III cannot feel Him like Vessel can, only a faint trickle of His presence in the backs of their minds. No words can be shared with the God, the distance from His realm too great.

Finding a sex shop is a quick Google search and a five minute drive deeper into the city when they arrive not more than an hour and a half later. Vessel feels uncomfortable with the necklace on, but knows he can't go without it. III's own magic keeps him well disguised, a surprise to see for Vessel who had been asleep over the week it took III to master changing their features. Despite how easy looking human has become for them, they still struggle to control the spider limbs while II works on overcoming that fear of his.

Vessel is too embarrassed to ask much about the things he was curiously looking over at the sex shop, but II and III don't fault him for his lack of knowledge, nor the embarrassment. They take time to explain what certain things are, like the cock rings and the leather collars.

"Are you the sort of brat into collars?" II asks while they look at the section containing a small wall of different types of collars.

"I've never actually tried it. Are you the sort of dom into collaring your brats, sir?" III replies with a question of their own, smirking down at II with mirth shining in their eyes.

II carefully averts his gaze back to a bright red one with blunt, spiked silver studding, "I think your slender neck would look even prettier with something around it."

"You could just use your hand as a necklace, Doll."

"Such a naughty boy. I'll keep that in mind. How about this one, then?" II says with a playful gleam in his eye, pulling a baby blue collar from the rack that III had been very blatantly staring at.

III flushes red, "Oh, you were serious?"

"Quite. Were you not?" II queries, perceptive as always while Vessel watches their exchange silently.

"I appreciate you taking me so seriously, sir, but I've never been truly interested in having one. Some of these are just really pretty." III admits, uncharacteristically shy, and II nods in understanding.

"Okay, that's fine, then. If you ever want one, I wouldn't be opposed. Vessel, lovely, come here a second." Vessel startles, having been listening quietly as II and III went back and forth, trying to follow the conversation.

He wanders a little closer, right beside II as the smaller man speaks again, "Do you think you'd be interested in trying these out?"

Vessel looks at the rack stock full of collars of different colors and designs, glancing back at II nervously, then over to III. "What are these for?"

"Its a type of possession thing, Ves. Or a sign of devotion. Ownership, too, I think. There's a few different meanings and it can be different for everyone who wants to wear one. They can be used for breathplay, I think? I'm not entirely certain." II explains, waving his hands for emphasis.

"If you want to get me one you can." Vessel says, instead of offering a clear answer.

"It doesn't seem like you actually want one, Ves, so we'll hold off on the collars." II refuses for him, and Vessel cannot help the instant relief he feels. "Actually, its probably best we hold off on any of that until we've all gotten to know each others bodies and tells better."

"You're probably right, Doll." III agrees, also clocking in on just how relieved Vessel was with II's refusal.

Vessel not being ready for it is why III hasn't asked for lewd photos yet, why II has yet to go to Vessel to have sex, choosing instead to wait for him to come to II. III didn't have quite that much patience, and can't bring himself to regret the sex he'd had with Vessel. Perhaps III pushed him too far, too soon, but Vessel has opened up to them more, and is far more willing to talk about sex than he is his other traumas.

"I'm going to go grab some lube, feel free to stay here or look around." II says, patting III on the arm and wandering off.

III takes Vessel's hand, pulling the other to a different rack in the store, not too far from where they were before. Vessel keeps close, eyeing the whips and canes apprehensively. III makes sure to steer them away from the more pain oriented sections, and towards the shelves of butt plugs and dildos. Vessel is leaning into III, their shoulders pressed close, as III hums, idly scanning the small selection of butt plugs.

"Um... What exactly is lube?" Vessel asks quietly, shying away when III levels a blank stare at him.

"You don't know- Uh, lube is short for lubricant. Its to make sex easier. To be more specific for our needs it makes anal sex easier since your ass doesn't uh, create its own lubricant like a vagina? So you would put it on your dick so it slides better. Less pain and discomfort that way." III tries his best to explain but his brain is caught entirely on the fact that Vessel has no clue what lube is.

Its practically a requirement for anal sex, especially with another man and Vessel doesn't- Holy shit, did Vessel's first partner, the one man Vessel said he ever slept with, not use fucking lube?!

"I mean, you can use spit if you need something quick, but lube is just easier and works far better." III continues to try and stop themselves from traveling down that dark road of thought as Vessel slowly nods, a strange expression on his face.

"Did your first partner... not use lube when you had sex?" III asks carefully, trying to reel in the mounting anger they can feel building under their skin.

If they're not careful, a slip up in control caused by high emotions will cause their magic disguise to blink away, and III absolutely cannot let that happen, not in public like this.

II comes back with a couple large bottles of lube in time for the tail end of III's explanation, a concerned expression on his face. "No... Based on your explanation, I take it he was supposed to?"

"Yes, my dear, he was. Unless he has the world's smallest penis, anal sex requires lube or else its painful. Is this what you meant when you said your ex-boyfriend was rough?" II interjects before III can accidentally say something biting, that would cause Vessel to shy away further even if the anger wasn't directed at him but at his ex.

Vessel nods before quietly explaining further, "My whole jaw would ache for days, in the beginning, when I first started giving him blow jobs. It hurt less than the sex, so I couldn't find it in me to mind that much. He got so mad when I threw up that first time, but I still had a gag reflex then. I- I couldn't breathe and- and my throat- It hurt to talk because the back of my throat was so bruised, and my jaw-"

Vessel cuts himself off when he finally looks up and notices the thunderous expressions on II and III's faces. Those looks always seem to appear whenever Vessel speaks about his past. Has he... done something wrong? Maybe he shouldn't have started off with the bit about his first blow job experience, it had nothing to do with what was asked. II probably wasn't even asking about that, but perhaps the act of sex itself?

"You mentioned before that you- That you didn't bleed when we had sex. You were surprised. You don't know what lube is, and you didn't know what prepping was." III is thankful that the shop is pretty empty aside from the borderline asleep clerk at the counter by the door as he struggles to keep his voice low.

Vessel nods along, nervous about the anger in III's voice, stepping away to wrap his arms around himself. III's expression sours further, hand twitching up as though they want to reach out and pull Vessel back to their side. They stop when the skin on their arm flickers, a half-transformed arm flashing into view for a moment. He's grateful when II steps forward, wrapping an arm around Vessel's waist and pulling him close in III's stead.

"Was it... every time? Did you bleed every time? Did it hurt?" III asks, stilted like they don't think they can stomach the answer Vessel will give.

A short nod is the only answer Vessel offers, and III's face screws up into something agonized. II isn't faring much better, but is well versed in remaining composed in stressful situations if its required of him. With III crumbling in front of them and Vessel silent as a grave, it is required of him.

"That man did more than a disservice to you. He- Fuck, Ves- I'll be right back, I need to calm down before I lose my control." III doesn't wait to hear II protest, already leaving the store entirely.

"He- He can't- Its not safe. We shouldn't split up. Its not safe." Vessel tries to keep the terror out of his voice but all he can think about is that bastard straddling III, the fear in III's eyes even after they'd knocked him off, and the bruise that took so long to heal.

"Its okay, love, Three is fine. He's not too distant in the bond which means they didn't wander far." II tries to reassure, but he's sure it falls short in the face of his own discomfort at III not being at their sides out in a public space.

"Did I... Did I do something wrong? Are they upset with me? I- I didn't mean to make him upset. If- If they get hurt its my fault." Vessel whimpers, burying his face into II's hair.

His arms wrap around himself tighter, wishing he could ask II to hug him instead. He won't.

"No, no, Ves, it wouldn't be your fault at all. Three's fine, just- He's upset at what you've experienced, my love. I'm upset too, trust me, but neither of us are upset with you. Lets buy this and get out of here, we have a couple other places to go before we meet our manager. We all need a breather first."

The clerk rings up their items with barely any pleasantries, tired eyes not even glancing at them more than once. II is grateful for it, getting out of the store quickly. III is leaning on their car when he and Vessel leave the shop, visibly calmer even at a distance. One arm is held out it front of them as III observes the appendage for any traces of Sleep's markings or less human features.

They look up when II and Vessel near, standing up proper at the sight of them. III apologizes quietly, wrapping one arm around II in a hug and bringing them both forward to pull Vessel close by the nape of his neck, planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. Vessel leans into it, craving the affection desperately.

"Better now?" II asks, cupping III's jaw lovingly.

"Yes. Sorry to leave, my markings were returning and I was so angry. I still am. I- I don't know what to say, Ves, except you didn't deserve anything that has happened to you. Not a bit of it, and it makes me so upset that I can't take back all that has been done to you."

Vessel looks at III, gaze assessing both their expression and the bond, finding no lie. III means everything he says. Uncharacteristically, Vessel doesn't wilt in the face of their concern.

"I'm not sorry. Everything that happened led me to Sleep. Led me to you and Two. I wouldn't change anything, not at the risk of losing this." Vessel states, uncomfortable at baring his heart so freely, but he knows now that they're different from his past partners in a way that lets him feel a little less shackled by what has happened to him.

Only a little.

Tears well up in III's pretty blue eyes, and he's pulling away from II to cup Vessel's face, mindful of the band-aids. The kiss they plant on Vessel's lips is full of love and pain, leaving no room for Vessel to deny it.

"I love you."

Unbidden, Vessel's mind flashes to his ex girlfriend, how she had looked when she said those words to him. It sounded nothing like this, felt nothing like this.

She'd hurt him and then used her love as an apology. Loving him didn't make the pain she had caused him hurt any less. It didn't fix the wounds in his hands or on his face... or that she was the cause. What was so wrong with him that made the people who loved him want to hurt him so badly?

"I love you too."

Vessel wants their love for him to last.

III places another kiss to Vessel's lips before pulling away, swiping the keys from II's pocket with a wobbly smile. "Where to next? We still have a couple hours until we need to meet our manager."

Blessedly, III's almost imperceptible sigh of relief follows II taking the words for what they were, a means of moving past the stressful few minutes they'd experienced. He ushers III into the passenger seat, who goes with a strained laugh, fiddling with the radio after II starts the car. III puts on one of Vessel's cd's, a Bullet For My Valentine album from his collection. It makes Vessel smile, which in turn causes III to smile, happy to have brought some light back to Vessel's eyes. III watches in the rear view mirror as Vessel mouths along to the lyrics, attention forced back to II when the other settled a hand on their thigh. III's own hand comes down to rest on the appendage, picking it up to kiss each of II's fingers before pushing it away so II can have both hands on the steering wheel.

After the sex shop, they find a mattress store, buying a large king size mattress for the living room. It weighs Vessel's car down comically, but its still drivable. III had gotten into the car and laughed so hard he cried after they saw the look on the workers faces when II picked up the whole mattress by himself and put it up on the car's roof. Everyone was visibly less tense once III had seemed o have gone back to normal, and the guilt that had infested Vessel's bond ever since the sex shop cleared away.

The tranquility didn't last long once it was finally time to meet their manager. Vessel is so overcome with nerves that he can't stop shaking. The necklace feels heavy around his neck, like a too tight second skin. He knows it only feels that way, and that in reality, there is no way to tell he is glamoured at all. He feels sick with his nerves, mask clenched tightly in his hands as he stares down at it in his lap. II sits in the backseat with him, flush against Vessel's side with II's hand on his thigh. He'd climbed back with Vessel once the other started to breathe too heavily to be normal while they waited for their meeting time to come up.

III is braiding a section of his hair beside his ear with the help of the visor mirror, nervous, too. II is trying to go through all of what he knows about what the meeting will entail, the name of their manager, any info he has to lessen Vessel's anxiety over it. It helps, only a little, but Vessel is thankful anyway. Places his hand over II's on his thigh and squeezes gently, just once, to express his gratitude.

Vessel is thankful they brought their masks in, II having already told their manager over the phone that they would be a masked band, completely anonymous.

Introducing himself to their manager is nerve wracking, stumbling over his chosen name. He is glad when II steps in front of him, just slightly, as though the smaller man could shield Vessel from the odd look their new manager was giving all of them, likely for their names and the divine air around them. Vessel expects questions, expects to be asked to sing so the man, Johnny, can properly gage whether he wants to take them on or not. Sleep's influence over him, however that was done, must make it so Johnny doesn't actually care if they're decent or not.

The meeting itself, after introductions, is tense, but perhaps only to Vessel. II and III handle themselves much better, placing themselves on either of Vessel's sides, like human shields. Knowing Johnny's name beforehand helped, as well as smaller details that II had told him. Vessel will have to thank II later. He was more prepared than he thought he was, and its thanks to II's forethought in regards to Vessel's anxiety. Johnny doesn't argue when II and III lay out some rules, but his odd look remains. No recorded interviews unless the band themselves give explicit permission, no face reveals, their "stage" names will be all that is used at all times. II had fought against Johnny's insistence that their crew would need to see who they were, but ultimately only managed to put in place a contract for their crew. Severe legal action would be taken if any crew or venue leaked any personal information or photos.

The vessels hoped it would be enough to deter people from going against their wishes for privacy. Signing the paperwork is the easiest part, all of their past names being written with muscles memory even if none of them can read them. Johnny doesn't spare the signatures a second glance, and Sleep had already reassured them that no one would look into the names enough to find out that they're all legally dead. A touch of magic was over the paper detailing their terms for anonymity, as though the document was not just legally binding, but magically, too.

When all of the paperwork is done, Johnny tells them that he's got a few guitarists picked out already that are around what they'll need, Sleep's presence sparking in interest in Vessel's chest. Its only a matter of choosing the one they want for touring. Vessel is nervous about this, too, wondering if their Fourth will be there. Just because Sleep said it isn't time, it doesn't mean that they won't meet their Fourth prematurely like what happened with III. Granted, Vessel believes III to have been chosen by that point, and Sleep had merely been waiting for them to die.

Johnny sends them off with a scheduled meeting for their potential guitarists and a wave. They pretend not to notice when the man grumbles upon their exit, disgruntled by the meeting. Vessel disappears to write and play his piano once they're back at the manor, mask fitted over his face. II and III leave him to it, sensing his need for time to himself after the days grueling events.

They're all a little disappointed when none of the guitarists that arrive two days later at the set meeting time seem to be the Fourth, but pick one regardless for the ability to play an eight string and what seems to be a good personality.

His name is Nick, short for Nicholas, but he had insisted on the nickname. He's shorter than III and Vessel but taller than II, with a squared face and bright, honey brown eyes. His smile is kind, and yet Vessel is... unsettled by it.

From the moment he introduced himself, shook Vessel's hand, it was like something had crawled under his skin. II and III didn't seem to sense anything amiss with Nick, not like Vessel.

"What's with the bandages?" Nick asks, looking down at Vessel's bandaged arms and hand with a curious grin.

Vessel shrinks away with a nervous smile, unable to go far while Nick still grips his hand. He wants Nick to let go, hates the feeling of bugs on his skin like when he suffered through his transformation. Vessel tugs his sleeve back down, not even having realized it had ridden up.

"I'm sorry, but that doesn't seem to be any of your business." III grins back, friendly but assertive. "Mind letting his hand go now?"

"Oh, sure. My apologies, uh, Three. Just trying to make conversation." Nick says sheepishly, letting Vessel's hand go finally, only to bring it up and rub the nape of his neck.

It feels performative to Vessel, but III seems to relax. Maybe Vessel is looking into things too far. All of his social interaction has stemmed from II, III, and Sleep for so long now, maybe he is just out of touch. Vessel has never been good with people, even Before. It was a wonder he'd managed to get any partners at all.

Vessel holds his hand close to his chest the rest of the meeting as II and III talk to Nick about his previous gigs for touring bands and when he's available for practice. Vague flashes of his time undergoing his transformation torment him, the icky sludge of the memories coating the bond heavily enough for the others to notice, II stepping close and wrapping an arm around Vessel's waist. The soothing touch helps, as II's presence always does. Vessel leans into it, available hand coming down to rest overtop II's on his side, threading their fingers together. The meeting couldn't pass by fast enough, time seeming to drag on as it was eventually decided that Nick would be coming home with them for their first day of practice, unofficially.

Vessel had felt eyes on him the entire time, and wishes the icky feeling over his skin would go away.

The car ride home was filled with the low sound of Ghost on the radio and the idle chatter III had with Nick with II giving his input occasionally. Blessedly, III insisted Vessel sit up front as he crawled in the back seat behind him. Vessel was too thankful to protest much, remaining silent the entire ride back, holding II's hand on his thigh like a lifeline.

"Two, are you and Vessel close? You're awfully touchy." Nick comments, eyeing the two of them in the front seat.

Vessel shrinks into his seat, holding II's hand tighter. "We're together, romantically. All three of us, actually."

Nick smiles, nodding along, "Oh, alright then. Not a problem at all. I was just curious. Suppose I'll be the odd one out then."

No one says anything in reply to that, and Vessel isn't sure what he would have said if he could move past his anxiety, anyway.

"Are you not worried about what will happen to the band when you break up? Sorry, if."

"There are no plans of us ever breaking off our relationship." III insists just as II opens his mouth to say the same thing.

"Well, that's never set in stone. I'm happy for you though." Nick says, starting up the conversation he'd been having with III again, III's brow furrowed just slightly in consternation.

It smoothes out over time, Nick's charming but forward personality setting III at ease the longer they talk.

An unpleasant feeling settles in Vessel's gut when the car passes the boundary line between Sleep's earthly realm and the rest of the world. Sleep's magic thickens, swelling in the car as it settled back into the vessels bones. Nick shivers in his seat, pausing mid-sentence for a moment.

"Did you feel that?" He asks, rubbing his arms to rid them of the goosebumps that had sprouted.

"Felt what, mate?" III asks, an easy smile painted on.

If his canines looked a little sharper, well, Nick was too unsettled to notice them, nor the slight glow to all of their eyes as their God's magic coated their insides again.

"It must have been the air conditioning getting to me. It's cold in here." Nick brushes it off, thankfully, turning in his seat a little to watch out the window as the large trees roll by, view hindered by the mattress on the car.

The feeling was made worse when Nick actually stepped foot into the house.

Elvira, who had come to the foyer as soon as they opened the front door, hisses at Nick when he bends down to pet her. She slaps a clawed paw out, nearly catching Nick's hand with it, who only laughs while II apologizes, horrified.

Vessel watches Elvira bound off, tail raised and fur standing on end, and feels a sense of kinship with the cat.

"So you all live together out in the woods? That's kinda creepy." Nick comments, following II and III in taking his shoes off at the door, "This place is super old too. The outside looks way worse than the inside, though. All those plants climbing the walls, even in here."

Vessel places his boots down beside III's, bristling like the vines Nick next speaks about when he says, "You should probably get the ones inside removed. They're kind of unsightly."

Sleep's displeasure thrums through the bond alongside Vessel's, His presence sweeping into the room and sending shivers down all of their spines. Nick glances around discreetly, as though searching for something, head tilted just so to the side.

"I like them." III interjects before Sleep can do something they couldn't possibly explain to the cops, trying to keep his smile kind even as his eyes glint with steel, "They were here when we arrived and haven't messed up the infrastructure. This place is old, but it is home. I would appreciate any criticism be kept to yourself."

An annoyed expression flashes over Nick's face for only a millisecond before it is smoothed into an apologetic smile. "Alright, sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. Where do you guys practice? Will I be called Four from now on?"

Vessel barely stifles an angry hiss, turning his head away when II raises a confused eyebrow in his direction. As III drags Nick off to the practice room, II catches Vessel by the hand before the other can follow.

"You don't like him?"

No, Vessel doesn't like him. Not one bit.

Still, Vessel smiles reassuringly. What he says next isn't quite a lie, "It's not that. I just... I don't like anyone but us here."

II's confused gaze seems to soften in understanding, "I understand, love. You're safe here, and to have someone encroach on your safe space is uncomfortable. You can go unwind in your room, or any of ours, whenever you need to."

"Thank you. Go ahead to the practice room, I'm going to go find Ellie... Maybe stay in your room for a little while."

"Of course, sweetheart, go on ahead. Don't feel pressured to join us this time, but do remember we need to practice all together soon." II replies, getting up on his tippy toes to kiss Vessel's jaw.

Vessel leans down so II can kiss him proper, smiling into it despite the anxiety still clawing at his empty ribcage.

II goes to grab the mattress off the car, bringing it in while Vessel wanders off to find Elvira. He searches every room in the house twice over before finding her curled under Vessel's bed, hissing at him. Her bright eyes seem to glow in the darkness, the only thing visible to his currently human vision.

When Elvira notices its Vessel, she stops hissing but refuses to come out. If Vessel could crawl under there with her, he would, but he's too tall and stuffed far too many books into the space.

Vessel keeps his voice nice and soft, trying to coax her out from hiding, "Please come out Ellie, don't you want to go lay down in Two's room? Take a nap with me surrounded by all of Two's things? It'll be nice, I promise. No Nick to make us uncomfortable."

Elvira inches forward, just close enough for Vessel to grab her and pull her out from under the bed carefully. Vessel holds her to his chest as soon as she's out, nuzzling into her black fur. She licks once or twice at the band-aids on Vessel's cheek before settling into his arms. Taking this as his cue to get up, Vessel grabs his stuffie from his bed and heads down the hall to II's room. Vessel curls up under II's bedsheets, holding his plague doctor close. The smell of II, something distinct that Vessel can't name, wafts into his nostrils, helping to soothe Vessel's frayed nerves. Elvira rubs her head against Vessel's jaw and down over his shoulder, meowing lowly all the while before settling in at his side. He does eventually fall to sleep like that, slowly petting her soft fur, hidden away in II's dark room.

Nick is there for the rest of the day as II and III go over their music with him so he can get a start on familiarizing himself with his parts. Vessel remains sequestered away in II's room, wrapped up in his bedsheets as he tries to get over the tremble in his frame. Elvira purrs from her spot cuddled up to his chest, kneading into his arm as he holds her close. He can feel II's drums faintly reverberating through the floor, somehow comforted by the sound as he is surrounded by the other man's scent. III's bass is thrumming, too, another comfort to his enhanced hearing.

Nick is playing the guitar notes beautifully. He is truly skilled to have already picked up one of Vessel's songs so soon. It sounds faintly like Thread The Needle, a song deeply connected with Vessel meeting Sleep.

It couldn't be any sooner that Nick decides to head out for the day, II collecting Vessel so they can drive him back into the city. Vessel is reluctant to leave Ellie alone on II's bed but allows II to drag him down the staircase to the foyer. No one wants to let any of them leave the house alone. They all pile back into the car to drive Nick back to where they'd met up for the interviews. Vessel bristles again when III puts them all in a group chat so they can schedule things and talk easier.

He feels silly, childish, for immediately not liking a man that II and III seem perfectly fine with. They're able to handle his forward personality far better than Vessel is. That must be the problem, Vessel reasons. He's... He's just not used to anyone other than the vessels so he's.... struggling to adapt?

He sounds like II or III but somehow far less wise, and more petulant.

Nick hops into his own vehicle with a smile and a wave, driving off when everyone waves back. Vessel relaxes immediately once Four is gone, finding himself exhausted by the events of the past few days. All the anxiety from meeting their manager, telling the other vessels more about his past sexual experiences... meeting Nick, bringing him to the manor in a space that usually made Vessel feel a little at ease...

It all left him drained, but with an excuse to take time for himself and think once they get bac to the manor. There is so much to do, an EP to properly record and put out, planning for future shows, deciding what their image will be... Vessel is wrought with anxiety just thinking about it.

"Are you okay, Sugar?" III asks from the drivers seat.

Vessel expects II to get into the passenger seat now that Nick is gone, but he remains in the back with Vessel.

Vessel hums an agreement, immediately slipping his necklace off. Only then can Vessel take in a deep breath, tight chest loosening. He feels like himself again, six eyes focusing as he blinks profusely. II takes this as his cue to remove his own necklace, and Vessel feels relief as II's true form is revealed. II is beautiful no matter what form he takes, but Vessel knows he will always prefer him with all of his Sleep given markings. III keeps his glamor up since he still has to drive home, but lets their eyes go back to normal, black sclera swallowing the white.

"So pretty no matter how you look." II hums, brushing careful, calloused fingers under one pair of Vessel's eyes, following the curve of his cheekbone up the length of his pointed ear.

Those same ears turn pink with Vessel's blush, mumbling incoherently in disagreement as he leans into the kiss II places by one of his eyes. On the drive back to the house, Vessel feels better than he has all day. The icky, oily feeling over his skin while in Nick's presence seems to have slid away and Vessel is grateful for it. Elvira weaves through Vessel's legs once they're home, following him around the house as everyone readies for bed. Its been a long day for them all.

"Coming to bed with us, Ves?" III asks as II clutches their shirt, already half-asleep leaning on them.

His brow is furrowed in puzzlement, expectant eyes following Vessel hopefully.

Vessel feels guilty to refuse them, but he desperately needs some alone time to bleed, to release some of the itch that had made its home under his skin the moment Nick touched him.

"Okay, that's fine, pretty. Are you going to leave me without a goodnight kiss?"

Grabby hands beckon Vessel forward. Once he's in reach, III holds his face featherlight between their large hands and kisses him, effectively stealing away the breaths Vessel doesn't need.

Instinctually, Vessel chases after him when III pulls away, and instead of getting angry with him, III merely gives him another kiss. Vessel smiles into it, like always, and doesn't follow when III pulls away this time. II is tugging insistently at Vessel's shirt, tired eyes begging for a kiss of his own. Vessel leans down so II can do so, smiling into this kiss, too.

It almost makes him want to just follow them to bed instead of separating in the hall, but Vessel needs to bleed. Needs his blood spilling down his skin, staining it such a pretty crimson over the black.

"I'll join you later." Vessel compromises, a little less guilty for it.

"You will?" II mumbles out, kissing Vessel again, leisurely.

"Yes, it will be a little while though. You may be asleep by then."

"That's fine, Sugar. Do you want us to wait up for you?" III says, resting his head on II's as he leans into his back.

His taller frame swamps II's shorter one, its cute.

Vessel tilts his head in confusion. Why would they want to stay awake until he got there? He shakes his head in refusal and III hums unintelligibly, squishing II down under him as he takes Vessel's jaw in gentle fingers and kisses him again.

All of the tender kisses are leaving Vessel dizzy with swelling affection. Any more of this and he really will just follow them to bed. He steps away to avoid that outcome, but his remaining smile is genuine.

II groans playfully as III continues smothering him under their weight, forcing II to hold him up easily as they waddle back to II's room. It's endearing, hearing them laugh freely after such a long day.

Vessel adores them so.

He waits until they're in II's room, the door cracked open behind them, to head back to his own. The knife hidden under his mattress is pulled out easily, and Vessel's strips himself of his shirt. He eyes Elvira thoughtfully, wondering if he should set her out of the room, but ultimately doesn't care if she sees. The pretty little creature is only a cat, and II and III already know he self harms.

The blade glides across his flesh like a hot knife through butter, parting a golden crack in his skin and bringing forth crimson and black blood, swirling together but never mixing. He sits and watches as cut after cut is dug into his skin, blood dripping down over the side of his arm and onto his thighs. So focused as he was on finally being able to cut himself, he didn't remember taking off his clothes other than his shirt, but its obvious he stripped down to his boxers.

At some point, Vessel stops cutting, physically feeling the icky sensation he'd struggled with all day leaving him with his lifeblood. He merely watches, eyes growing heavy, as blood trickles out of his veins.

He doesn't remember tipping over to lay on the bed, staring at his closed door with vision spotted with black dots. He doesn't remember falling asleep.

Vessel opens his eyes to his first girlfriend above him, the weight of her keeping him pinned down to the bed. He's sure if he tried, he could get out from under her, but there is no fight in him, only acceptance.

She's kissing him, moans spilling out between her lips as she uses his body for her own pleasure. Its what he was good for, after all. A couple of holes to use and a dick to ride. That thought is quickly shoved aside by the more insistent thought that II and III have never used him like this.

They've never hit him relentlessly, ruthlessly, like she has. Never choked him, never made him feel less than.

Vessel's head falls to the side, gasping in desperate breath after breath, blurry vision struggling to focus as his lungs fill with much needed air.

Human eyes wander the room aimlessly, looking anywhere but up at her, and catch on something- Someone unusual.

There was a man in Vessel's nightmare. Someone who Vessel knows for a fact he's never seen before. There was horror on their face, kind eyes wide as Vessel's body jerked with a slap to the cheek, and they leapt forward as if they could stop what was happening. It made Vessel smile, even as his girlfriend gripped his face, long, fake nails digging into his cheek where she had just hit him, pulling him back to look at her.

For a few minutes, Vessel's vision is filled only with her and the curtain her hair has made around them. Her lips are all he can make out of her facial features, unpainted and shaped like a cupids bow. The entire time, his mind drifts from his body, staring up at her through vacant eyes as his brain struggles to get away from what is happening.

Then, she pauses, a long, drawn out moan falling from parted lips. His head falls to the side when she lets his face go, and the man is still there. He still looks afraid, a little green in the face.

A perfect stranger, and yet Vessel realizes that they know this person. Knows who they will become, that is. Something in his soul positively sings at the sight of them, a name on the tip of his tongue.

"Four..."

Vessel's voice is nothing more than a whispered croak, voice grating against his bruising throat, but the man stumbles back as though Vessel had yelled. If II's eyes were like the sky on a clear day, III's a deep, dark, stormy ocean blue, then Four's were beautiful, crystal blue waters, wide in surprise. As he fell, they seemed to shift into different shades in the strange lighting of this realm. In the next second, the man is gone in a wisp of black smoke, still stumbling backwards with Vessel's six eyes boring into his.

The smile doesn't leave Vessel's face, even as scratches are torn into his arms, nail indents make cuts on his bruising cheeks, and Vessel's ears ring with the sound of her breathy moans above him.

For the first time since Vessel started dreaming, he was able to perform an action all on his own. He never remembered smiling during any of this, nor was there any reason for him to have been able to say the Fourth's name. An anomaly has occurred, and whether it was due to the Fourth's appearance, or something else, the seed has been planted in Vessel's mind. Perhaps he can do more than lay here and be hurt all over again, like he had never left his own personal hell.

Vessel wakes, the moon shining light into his room as he holds his stuffie close, he feels giddy. Elvira purrs loudly at his back, vibrating the bed a bit with the sound. His cheeks ache, iron spilling over his tastebuds as he sits up with a wide grin on his face. His arm aching fiercely brings Vessel's attention to the blood limb, still leaking crimson onto his sheets. He gets up to wrap it quickly, but his mind remains on the Fourth, enraptured by the color of his eyes, of the pale eyelashes framing such startling bright ocean waters. The man is untouched by Sleep, and yet, Vessel knows with every atom in his body that he is their Fourth. There is not an ounce of doubt in Vessel's mind, nor his heart and soul. That is the Fourth, and Sleep has simply not found him yet. Vessel keeps his smile, even as his lip stings, too, having been busted during his dream, spilling red, human blood down his jaw.

Vessel removes the bloody sheets from his bed, tossing them under the frame to deal with later. He has spare bedclothes if he needs them. Cleaning off the dried blood from his skin is a little harder, and takes more time than Vessel would like to admit as the action strains his slow-forming scabbing. Getting dressed in a set of pajamas is marginally easier.

Perhaps Vessel should be embarrassed that the Fourth had seen him in such a compromising position, held down by the weight of his ex as she rode him, a hand around his throat, but he could only feel pure, unadulterated joy at even that small glimpse of the Fourth.

Any worries Vessel had had about Nick being chosen as the Fourth seem to slip away. Sleep would not choose a vessel that Vessel himself did not like, right? Especially not now that he has seen their Fourth with his own eyes.

Suddenly, though, Vessel isn't so sure. If Vessel were to tell the others that he had found the Fourth, would they believe him? He'd only seen him in a dream. Besides, II and III had already taken to Nick- Four (Vessel needs to start calling him by that name. He'd asked Vessel to, and its only right Vessel does as requested), quite well.

He has no right to get in between their budding friendship with Four, so Vessel will keep quiet until he can ask Sleep about the man in his dreams. He's tempted to do so now, but finds that he just wants to go lay with II and III, if they'll welcome him. Vessel gathers up his clean blanket, stuffie, and Elvira in his arms and makes his way out his door. II is awake when Vessel pushes the door to his room open, sitting up on his phone which he sets down upon seeing Vessel.

"Hey, Ves. I felt you having a bad dream when I woke up to use the restroom. I was going to wake you but you calmed before I could." II explains without prompting, scooting over to squish into III's side as the other remains asleep.

Vessel frowns, guilty for worrying II, but smiles when II reaches out for him invitingly. He crawls into II's arms after setting Elvira down at the foot of the bed, laying his head on II's stomach as an arm slings over II's legs to pin his stuffie between them. II thumbs at Vessel's busted lip carefully, looking down at him in concern, "This happen in your dream?"

Vessel nods without responding verbally, soaking in the affection and the warmth of II's arm over his back as his fingers gently scratch Vessel's scalp soothingly.

He wants to tell II about Four, their Four, so badly, but finds the words caught in his throat. Sensing his creeping unease, II picks up his phone again, holding it up on his knee with the arm wrapped around Vessel. There's an app for watching movies open on the screen, something called Lord of The Rings pulled up.

II stares sadly at the fresh bandages around Vessel's arm, at the small splotch of blood seeping through the white. II wants to ask him to stop. Stop hurting himself, and hurting them in turn. But he is afraid of how Vessel would react. Would he grow angry? Would he shut down? Pull away from them entirely? Would he try and listen to what II said, would he try and stop marring his flesh?

II wants to ask him to stop, but he is afraid.

II wants to ask about the busted lip, too, the bruise glancing over his jaw, but Vessel's bond is back to being excited, happy, and II would hate to ruin that with difficult questions.

"Wanna watch this with me? I'm not tired right now." II says, trying to keep his voice from breaking, and Vessel finds himself nodding before he can think better of it, none the wiser to the turmoil slowly brewing in II's mind.

Neither II nor III are any better than Vessel, sometimes, when it comes to hiding away the emotions they don't want the others to know about.

II grins, the expression a little forced, leaning down to press a kiss into Vessel's hair and restarting the movie. They stay like that until the sun starts peeking through the curtains, only halfway through the extended edition of The Fellowship of the Ring. Neither of them make to move, quite content to bask in each others presence as III breaths softly from beside them, curled into himself as Elvira stretches out over the length of his torso, balanced precariously on their side.

Idly, Vessel wonders if he died. His body doesn't ache like it would if he had died, so he concludes he must've passed out from the blood loss. Its a wonder he didn't die, to be honest,

Vessel will speak with Sleep another time. For now, he wants nothing more than to be here, with them, where he is safe. Cared for.

Loved.

#sleep token fic #sleep token fanfiction #sleep token #vessel sleep token #ii sleep token #polyvessels #sleep token iii #iv sleep token

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precuredaily · 1 year ago

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Precure Bonus Day

Film: Precure All Stars Go Go Dream Live! Date watched: 19 March 2023 Original release date: 8 November 2008 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/QBTEHWY Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

#squadgoals (I am hip)

2008 marked the fifth anniversary of Precure, as in the fifth season since 2004’s Futari wa Precure. I’m not sure of everything Toei did to celebrate, outside of a pair of song compilation albums and possibly some merch. But one thing they DID do was to release a short film before the fall movie. It was the first ever on-screen crossover between the different teams, and serves as a precursor for the crossover movies that ran from 2009 to 2020. So just as this short preceded the Go Go movie, I’m going to precede my Go Go review with this! Let’s dig in.

The Plot

It starts with the title card over a bright blue sky, with a chorus of the 11 cures reading the title aloud.

The camera pans down to show a stadium and then we see Saki, Mai, and all their friends from Splash Star running up to the entrance. Saki drags Mai along by the hand past Akane and Hikari’s Tako Cafe, where we then see Nagisa, Honoka, and Hikari, and their friends from FW/MH in line. (as well as Masuko Mika from Y5)

The woman behind Hikari could be Shoko (Regine’s human form) from FWPC

Inside we see Nozomi running down a hallway past lots of people, leading along Rin, Urara, Komachi, Karen, and Kurumi, telling them to hurry up. None of them notice an ominous shadow following them.

Nozomi’s group emerges into the arena of the stadium, which is oddly empty, and are confused. Nagisa’s group as well as Saki and Mai emerge through adjacent entrances, all looking over at each other and the otherwise vacant stadium in confusion. Notably, none of the non-heroine characters make it inside.

Suddenly a deep voice calls out “PRECURE” and they see a huge giant black figure in the middle of the arena. It casts 4 shadows, with the three behind it revealing the face of a Zakenna, an Uzaina, and a Kowaina. It moves to punch the ground, threateningly, so everyone foregoes their secret identities and transforms into Precure.

There’s a brief moment of surprise as the three teams realize there are other Precures besides themselves, but they don’t have time to dwell on it as the Shadow Giant punches at them.

Bloom and Egret jump in to block the attack with a spirit barrier. Everyone else regains their composure, and the barrier shatters. Black and White leap through the air in an iconic scene from their opening, while the Precure 5 run along the ground. Black and White block a giant punch, then Bloom & Egret use a spirit attack on his chest. The PC5 team rapidly scatters. Lemonade wraps the Shadow Giant in her Prism Chain, followed by Aqua, Mint, and Rouge using their respective attacks.

Bloom and Egret fly high into the air and transform into Bright and Windy. Windy launches a gust of wind that catches Bloom, who adds her light to it as they charge rapidly down on the monster. Dream charges along the ground with her fists glowing, while Black and White rebound off some girders and leap straight at the Giant.

Everyone's attacks converge on the Shadow: the Wind and Light attack, Black and White’s double punch, and Shooting Star. A huge explosion of light is seen from the exterior of the stadium. The smoke clears as everyone regroups, but the monster is unharmed and blows everyone away in a huge gust of wind.

Cure Dream stands up amid the rubble. Black, Bright, and Dream explain in turn that they'll listen if the Shadow has anything to say, but there's lots of people there today who came to see the show and they won't let him ruin the event.

The Shadow spews an energy beam from his mouth at them in response, but Shiny Luminous and Milky Rose have blocked it with a barrier. The teams perform Marble Screw Max, Spiral Star Splash, and Rainbow Rose Explosion together, and the Shadow disintegrates.

The girls find themselves back in their civilian forms, standing on a stage in the middle of the arena. The Max Heart theme starts to play and the crowd cheers. The girls realize THEY are the performance. Nagisa doesn't want to dance, but Nozomi encourages her, and she joins in.

All the girls dance and sing along to a medley of the opening themes. The dance alternates between spotlighting each team, having all 11 girls dance together, and having just Nagisa, Saki, and Nozomi in focus. The sequence is interspersed with still images of everyone eating and having fun together while the credits roll. At the end, they all stand together in the shape of a heart, looking up at the camera, while “The End” is written in the middle.

The Analysis

What I Liked

Because this short is only 5 minutes from start to finish, it’s extremely fast-paced. The characters are introduced rapidly and they’re face to face with the monster in 45 seconds, and kicking butt by the 2 minute mark.

The fight scene does a good job showcasing the difference in fighting styles between the three teams. Max Heart are all about raw strength, punching and kicking, jumping off of things to get more leverage. Splash Star make use of the spirits to fly around and deflect attacks or emphasize them. Precure 5 use their individual attacks. Luminous and Rose don’t do much of anything, which is out of character for Kurumi, but it's going to be a theme in this double feature.

The dance at the end is fun! It’s also the only time All Stars will have a 2D animated dance ending, and the last 2D animated Precure dance ending in general. It is ALSO one of the last times that the dance ending will feature the characters in civilian outfits rather than their cure forms, with the only other instance after this that I recall being in Heartcatch’s first ending.

There is a really cool shot when the GoGo team is dancing that starts far out from the audience’s POV, zooms all the way in on Nozomi’s face, spins around her, and then zooms back out to show them dancing from behind, looking out at the audience. There’s another great shot where the camera pans down the line of cures as they all come together for the big finale shot.

Pretty much every named character from the last 5 seasons makes a cameo appearance in the crowds or the audience. This includes the villains.

You can see Miss Shitataare, Gamao, and Shoko (Regine) from the back here.

No, I am not listing out every single character here.

The individual outfits the girls are wearing are really nice. They’re more intricate, fancier clothes than their usual civilian attire, which suggests the show they expected to go see was somewhat upscale.

What I Didn’t Like

Milky Rose and Shiny Luminous just disappeared during the fight. After the barrier shatters they’re nowhere to be seen until after the big explosion of light when the smoke clears. Then the only thing they do is put up another barrier. Rose is capable of fighting, and Luminous has support abilities that would help the team, so it’s strange they didn’t take a few seconds to showcase either of these two.

Even on a movie (or short film) budget, some of the art quality is lacking.

Miscellaneous

As I pointed out in another post, for some reason the Blu Ray cut of the film is about 11 seconds shorter than the DVD cut, and presumably the theatrical version. The main cut is the shot of the giant’s shadows with the faces of the Precures’ past enemies in them, but lots of scenes throughout the film have a few frames cut off of them. I am unclear on the reason for this.

The establishing overhead shot of the stadium shows it surrounded by countryside, not many buildings around. Not where you usually expect a stadium to be.

For the sake of brevity, the Yes 5 team didn’t get to call out their Cure names in the roll call.

Between their transformation scene and Shadow Giant’s first attack, the cures somehow teleport onto the field of the stadium. Whether it was a continuity error or just convenience for animation, I don’t know.

Bloom and Egret are able to switch into their Bright and Windy forms instantly, without detransforming. In the series, these were completely separate transformations, but it’s understandable that the writers would do it here to keep the momentum of the scene. Also it looks awesome.

No fairies appear in the film other than one still image in the credits. Kurumi is never shown transforming into Milk, but she is present as Milk in the scene with all the fairies, and then also present as Kurumi when the human characters are shown. She lives a busy double life.

The villain is not named in the dialogue, but the credits call him “Kage no Kyojin”, or Shadow Giant, which is what I am also calling him.

Since this film is basically a teaser for the feature length Precure All Stars DX film, several of the action sequences end up being reused in that movie. I will do a side-by-side comparison when I get to that. Also, the design of the Shadow Giant is the same as the final form of that movie’s villain, Fusion. It’s unclear if they are meant to be the same character or not. Shadow Giant is certainly a fusion of the three enemy types, but Fusion in the DX movie is also shown to have Hoshiina powers not seen here, and is voiced by a different actor.

Unfortunately the voice actor for the Shadow Giant, Yanada Kiyoyuki, passed away in November of 2022 at age 57.

Conclusion

It’s a short, sweet, action packed special. It knows what it’s about and it doesn’t waste a second getting to the point. You want all the Precues teaming up and fighting a giant enemy? You got all the Precures teaming up and fighting a giant enemy! In its short runtime, it of course manages to pack in everything you want from Precure: pretty outfits, dynamic fights, and speeches about the value of friendship and community. It even ends with a dance! It’s a great showcase of how the series has evolved in its (at the time) short life, and what being a Precure means to its different teams. You can clearly see how each group’s approach to combat is different, and they all bounce off of each other excellently. And even though it’s short, it manages to throw in a ton of cameos for long time fans. As a teaser for the upcoming All Stars movie, it does a great job at whetting the audience’s appetite. And as a lead-in to the main event, the Go Go movie, it also gets the audience suitably pumped for a roaring good time.

Next time, on Precure Daily, we finally get to the movie itself. Look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count:

1 Arienai 0 Zekkouchou Nari 0 Kettei

#Precure #Pretty Cure #Precure All Stars #PCASGGDL #PCD Bonus

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yurimother · 2 years ago

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PREVIEW - LGBTQ Manga Review - Sirius: Twin Stars

Read the full review early, only on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/76658745

Sirius: Twin Stars is the second manga from Spanish Yuri artist Ana C. Sánchez. As with Alter Ego, her previous work, Tokyopop publishes it in English under its LOVE x LOVE and International Women of Manga line. Similarly to Alter Ego, this oneshot tells a dramatic, if somewhat contrived, romance between two young women with surprising depth and artistic merit. And yet, as long as we are compare the two, I find I enjoy Sirius far more than its predecessor. The manga improves on Alter Ego in almost every way, from the characters and their connection to its pacing and artwork. And considering that Alter Ego is not by any means a low-quality manga, I awarded it a six out of ten, after all, the comparison further cements Sirius’ quality.

Sirius begins as Dani, a teenage or very young adult tennis prodigy and daughter of a former champion, is relocated to her family’s villa by the sea to recover after an as-of-yet unspecified tragedy. As they drive along the shore, Dani catches sight of a beautiful and bright woman carrying a telescope, Blanca.

hese opening panels are some of the best in the manga, establishing Dani’s early determination and drive to become a tennis legend like her mother, the collapse of that “unattainable childhood ideal,” and the surly cynicism that has overtaken the once exuberant girl. Her gaze, narrowed and turned downward, is contrasted wonderfully by Blanca’s joyful and open observance of the beach and beautiful blue sky. Although they have yet to meet, the dynamic between the two main characters and the inevitable struggle between their optimistic and shattered worldview is immediately apparent, setting the stage for their relationship.

A few pages of this introduction depict a surreal and imaginative scene drenched in symbolism, its meaning becoming clearer throughout the story. As a figure of Dani walks a narrow, crocked yet direct path towards her goal, a distant conflux of light that dominates her focus, the road behind her starts to crumble, signifying both the degrading relationship she and her mother and coach had throughout her career and Dani’s loss of innocence and passion that occurred before events of the story. As the figure looks back and realizes the path behind her is crumbling, the way forward similarly decays, leaving her isolated, suspended over a pit of “monsters.” The figure stands there with no way forward toward her lost dream, no route of return to the idyllic days before she lost her luster and her relationship with her mother, and no escape from the lonely solitude...

BE THE FIRST TO READ THE FULL REVIEW ON THE YURIMOTHER PATREON

#Reviews #lgbt #manga #preview #yuri #gl #girls love #gay #wlw #lesbian #lesbians

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medusasbush · 2 years ago

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read april 2023

articles

How to Finger Your Partner When You Have Chronic Pain in Your Hands

You'd Be Happier Living Close to Friends: Why Don't You?

Why Do We Connect to Female Rage? (prompted a reread of The Scream Gap)

You should call your friend for a ride

The Sex Life of the Internet

It’s a “Brutal, Fearful Winter” for Journalism

“We Didn’t Know What We Had Until It Was Gone.” (on alternative news weeklies)

How Joni Mitchell's "Blue" shattered gender barriers

Why are movies so dark these days?

Poker Face is Peacock’s first truly great original series

The Bataan Death March of Whimsy Case File #1: Elizabethtown (essay that coined the term manic pixie dream girl)

I'm sorry for coining the phrase "Manic Pixie Dream Girl"

Why Venmo Is My Favorite Sympathy Card

The gift that never stops giving: Christy Dawn Ads

It's Hot to Look Ill

How the Hell Is 'The Last of Us: Part II' Going to Be Adapted?

What Happens in 'The Last of Us Part II'?

How Much Would You Pay for a Movie Ticket?

Is Therapy Speak Making Us Selfish?

Bad Projection is Ruining the Movie Theater Experience

When Self Awareness Eats its Own Tail

A Case Against Washing Your Face

Honey, I sold the kids.

Trickster and tricked

‘The Resort’ Review: Peacock Comedy-Thriller Series Is Strong on Vibes, Weak on Story

“The Resort” Needs to Relax

Peacock's The Resort is a Rip-Off Mystery Series

Ted Lasso Wonders Whether He's Outstayed His Welcome in Season Three

What if we stopped using male and female as synonyms for man and woman?

The Great Deflation

Who is Queerness for?

‘Nobody Can Take Your Power’: Megan Thee Stallion in Her Own Words

Steven Yeun, Ali Wong and ‘Beef’ Creator Say David Choe Has ‘Put in the Work’ Since ‘Fabricated’ Rape Story

Why We Can't Leave Celebrities Alone

Tucker Carlson Set the World on Fire

How to Have the Fat Talk

Eat the Rich, Steal Their Skin?

books

Dietland by Sarai Walker

Virtual Equality: The Mainstreaming of Gay and Lesbian Liberation by Urvashi Vaid (started)

Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers (started/abandoned)

#read lists #s

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death-and-other-myths · 2 years ago

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Blue Lily, Lily Blue Deadass Book Review

By Maggie Stievfater

This is an unhinged book review/recap of Blue Lily, Lily Blue and shits about to get WIERD AS HELL for Blue and her 4 private school dude friends. AUGH!!

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

This book opens with Adam and Persephone standing on a mountain in the billowing wind doing cool psychic shit, like being able to turn and stand on the leyline and know exactly where it is. She asks Adam what he sees, he closes his eyes. She has to keep reminding him to look outside, not inside. Inside are painful memories and present anxieties. He thinks of the shattered glass things on Gansey’s mansion floor. But when he focuses, he sees 3 sleeping things that need to be woken up. Persephone sees them too, but says no.. it’s 2. One of them shouldn’t be woken up.

So it’s been a month since Maura disappeared, leaving only a cryptic note. “Glendower is underground and so am I.” — Blue is being strong, but she can’t help but feel a little abandoned. Like we all know Maura went down there looking for Artemis.

Luckily, we check in on Maura and she’s fine. Time doesn’t exist in the cave. So to her it feels like it’s been a few minutes but it’s really been a month.

In the meantime, Blue and the boys have been going to hang out at Cabeswater every day. It’s fall, but when they’re there, they wish for it to be summer, so the forest makes it summer. YOU HAVE TO BE SO CAREFUL what you think in this stupid forest. It does nice things like makes the fish change colors, but if you think something like “I could just crawl out of my skin” you will literally be skinned lol. Literal-ass forest.

There is this really beautiful part where Blue tests out the magic. She thinks of blue lilies and it starts raining blue petals. A petal lands on Gansey’s lips. He sits up and is like “Okay. It’s time.”

Oh, Noah is there by the way. Hanging out with Matthew who is there visiting Aurora Lynch, who lives in the forest. She’s sweet beyond words. Literally a dream girl. If she leaves Cabeswater, she’ll fall back into a coma. Anyway, Noah and Matthew sit in the car to keep time. Because time moves strangely in Cabeswater.

They enter the cave and tie themselves together on a safety line. Ronan in the back, then Blue, then Adam, all led by our fearless leader, Gansey. Gansey orders Ronan to sing a song, so they can mark time (all of their watches have stopped) — He whistles Irish tunes as they walk. He starts by singing the Murder Squash song, which everyone yells at him about.

Things are going great until Gansey vanishes. Adam is yanked to the ground and manages to hold himself. Ronan grabs Blue tightly. Gansey fell down a FUCKING cave hole and for several terrifying moments, he’s not replying to them. With Adam as a counterweight (poor baby laying on the ground lol) Blue is able to peek over the hole and talk to Gansey — who is… UNDERSTANDABLY having a panic attack as he is free hanging over darkness.

Again. We’re so used to confident, fearless-leader Gansey, it is fascinating to see him terrified. And this scene is terrifying.

“There is something on my skin and it is reminding me of …” He trailed off.

“Water,” Blue suggested. “Or mud. It’s everywhere.”

There was nothing but the sound of his breathing, jagged and afraid.

Everybody realizes all at once that if they think of hornets, the magic is going to manifest as hornets. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Then they hear the sound of wings. And thousands of moving things. Turns out it’s hundreds of RAVENS that swarm out of the cave to more ghostly chanting “Make way for the Raven King”. Gansey’s like… okay I’m done being in the pit. I’m coming up now.

The next day, Adam tries to drive into a national forest to do Cabeswater business. It sends him visions and it’s up to him to figure out what they mean. Tarot cards help. He even lined his sink with tin foil and scryed about it! I love the thought of Adam doing psychic shit. Poor baby though… he’s kind of feeling lonely. He sorted out his anger and that’s doing much better. He even thinks of how scared Gansey sounded in the pit. Like too scared to even pull himself up at first. It reminds him of how he stayed with his abusive father. Fear does strange things to us.

Later, the gang (sans Noah) is crammed in the Camaro on their way to pick up Gansey’s British friend Mallory. They’re speculating as to how to explore that pit some more. Adam is passed out against the window from being magical and doing his 3 jobs probably. Ronan is looking out the window. So we get this ADORABLE SCENE FROM GANSEY AND BLUE.

In the rearview mirror, he caught Blue’s eyes by accident. Strangely enough, he saw his own thoughts reflected in her face: excitement and consternation. Casually, out of view of Ronan, making sure Adam was still sleeping, Gansey dangled his hand between the driver’s seat and the door. Palm up, fingers stretched back to Blue. This was not allowed. He knew it was not allowed, by rules he himself had set. He would not permit himself to play favorites between Adam and Ronan; he and Blue couldn’t play favorites in this way, either. She would not see the gesture, anyway. She would ignore it if she did. His heart hummed. Blue touched his fingertips. Just this — He pinched her fingers lightly, just for a moment, and then he withdrew his hand and put it back on the wheel. His chest felt warm. This was not allowed.

Oh god oh god they like each other so much. He’s supposed to die. She can’t kiss him. Oh god.

They pick up Malory and his 30 suitcases and his dog that has anxiety and cram back in the car. Malory talks about this ancient Glendower tapestry he found under his BARN on a leyline in the UK. And he shows them a photo of it. It has 3 women with red hands on it, and they all have Blue’s face. The camera gets passed around the car and everyone agrees, that’s Blue.

Later that night Blue is ambling about the house. She talks to Persephone about how much she misses her Mom and the consensus is “Maura knows what she’s doing. If she wanted help, she’d ask for it.” — In a funk, Blue calls Gansey. Just to hear his voice. They do that a lot. They have a super brief exchange, a little joke, where she says she dialed the wrong number. And she says she might do it again. He says she shouldn’t, but he hopes she does.

Adam and Gansey take Malory out to see the leyline. Not Cabeswater, but around the mountains of Virginia trying to find another way into that cave. Adam and Gansey have a sweet moment were Adam tells him “I’m glad we’re not fighting any more.” And Gansey tries not to overdo it with how relieved and happy he is. Then Adam goes on to say “Also, sorry about the whole Blue thing. I realize now how crazy I was to try to date her now that she’s one of us. I mean that would be weird right? Like what was I thinking?” And Gansey’s like “HAHA YEAH HAH WEIRD YEP.”

Blue is in school getting ready to talk to the guidance counselor when Noah shows up! I love this line. He’s so cute.

“I think I miss this part,” he said. “The beginning. This is the beginning, right?”

“First day,” Blue replied.

“Oh, yeah.” Noah leaned back and inhaled. “Oh, wait, no, it’s the other one. I forgot. I actually hate this part.”

Well the meeting goes poorly and not just because the guidance counselor is a condescending bitch who basically tells Blue she’s not going to be able to afford getting into any good schools. Things go south when Noah becomes a ghost tornado, throws paper everywhere, then dissapears.

Blue immediately goes to the factory to look for him, but he’s not there. She peeks in Ronan’s room and sees that freaky mask from the last book. The one Calla said to destroy. It has tire tracks on it. That’s when Gansey and Malory get home. Gansey is so happy to see her there, it’s silly. She accompanies him into the kitchen slash bathroom slash laundry room and they have a sweet moment where she’s trying to act okay when she’s not, and Gansey says “We’ll find her.” And they stand really, heartbreakingly close to one another.

When they come back into the main room, Malory is like “One of your friends is hiding under the pool table.” (Cool that he can see Noah!) and Blue and Gansey try to talk him into coming out. But he’s crying and REALLY upset. Says he’s just tired of decaying and insists they have no idea how this feels. He starts up another ghost tornado, pulling so much energy off Blue she’s feeling lightheaded. But her mom trained her for moments like this. She knows how to visualize her energy and cut it off. So she pulls the plug on Noah’s energy source before he can hurt her or destroy more things. He’s super sad poor baby and just fades away after that. And Blue feels a little fuzzy when Gansey tells her that was impressive.

That night, a well-dressed douchebag comes to the psychic house. Things are going normally until he shuffles the cards, and pulls a three of swords out of it (the heartbreak card) and is like “So ladies, how do I make this happen?” And you don’t fuck with the cards, so there’s instantly something threatening about him. He asks where the third lady is. The one that looks like Blue. And they’re just like GET OUT. So he STEALS Calla’s three of swords card and leaves. DUDE.

Oh god oh god oh god it’s the first day of school at Aglionby, and despite some truly adorable bits with the 3 boys getting along and Adam thanking his lucky stars that everything is okay between himself and his friends… Maggie drops this bomb on us. Their new Latin teacher is fucking Colin Greenmantle… Mr. Gray’s boss from the last book! AHHHHH!! Nooooo!!! Why are all the Latin teachers evil?? This is like the Defense Against the Dark Arts teaching position in Harry Potter nooooo!!

In the next chapter, we get to know Colin Greenmantle and he’s pretty much awful. So is his wife. They’re renting a farmhouse and while they’re definitely funny and entertaining, they just objectively seem like AWFUL PEOPLE. They’re magical artifact dealers. And have a personal vendetta against Nial Lynch and Colin says he can’t wait to fail Ronan in his class. He kind of reminds me of a man child.

Gansey and Ronan go over to Blue’s house and find the Gray Man play fighting with Calla, or teaching her how to break someone’s wrist. They tell him that their Latin teacher is Greenmantle, and Gray is like… well shit. Okay you kids don’t do anything, I’ll handle it. He tries to warn Ronan that if he does anything stupid, Greenmantle will do something horrific like take one of his brothers’ arms or something. Ronan just storms out. Gansey is sad because his friend is sad, so Blue gives him the fruit at the bottom of her yogurt. That helps a little.

When Adam gets home from work late, Gansey shows up in his pajamas and an overcoat. He’s there with some kind of excuse about homework, but really he just wanted to chat. Adam realizes something about Gansey is off. He hasn’t really been the same since that moment in the pit. His confidence has faltered. Adam always thought he wanted Gansey to “get a taste of the real world” and experience how scary and unfair it is, but now he’s not so sure. He likes him the way he is. And does what he can to cheer him up in his Adam way. I love this line:

Adam couldn’t remember how they had managed to fight so continuously over the summer. Gansey, his best friend, his stupid and kind and marvelous best friend.

Gansey mentions that when they find Glendower, he wants to wish to bring Noah back to life. Then he heads out. We learn that Adam is hiding a letter with a court date for his father on the shelf. He doesn’t want to tell anyone about it. OH BABYYY!!

Blue gets into a fight with Orla when her cousin basically says “You need to make some actual friends at your actual school and quit hanging out with these rich idiots who are just going to leave you for the Ivy Leagues in a year. Also it’s weird how much you all love each other.” And Blue says “Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you Hey Gansey.” And they drive off together with Malory and his dog. They knock on the doors of local hillbillies, one of whom, Jesse Dittley, shows them the cave in his back yard that might be connected to the Cabeswater cave. Only he says it’s cursed, so they can never ever explore it. Now they have to decide if they’re going to persuade Jesse or trespass.

The Gray Man shows up to Greenmantle’s farm house and points a gun at his wife’s head and the guy doesn’t even give a shit. He just eats cheese crackers while he threatens him. Piper (his wife) doesn’t care either. Greenmantle says he’s going to ruin Gray’s life if he doesn’t turn over the Greywaren in 9 days, and Gray said he’ll consider this and just leaves. I’m like COME ON GRAY. Just SHOOT THESE PRICKS like you SHOT YOUR BROTHER. But then we wouldn’t have a book and I do suppose I want to see what random way this book’s villain ends up dying in the end lol.

Adam is working alone at the mechanic shop at night during a thunderstorm when spooky stuff starts happening. At first he thinks it’s Noah, but he figures out pretty quickly that it’s Cabeswater trying to communicate. It doesn’t really know how else to communicate other then fucking scaring the DAYLIGHTS out of him and warping the scenery and showing him dead people. He scrambles to the tarot cards, flips 3 over, and focuses until he figures out what Cabeswater wants. It’s just a crack that needs to be repaired in the leyline. He’s just gotta move some rocks around somewhere. He says cool, I’ll take care of it this week and the room stops warping into nightmare world. Adam is relieved, but jittery, and it certainly doesn’t help when the fucking albino night horror monster shows up, next.

Adam is crumpled on the ground when Ronan steps in like “Shoo. Go on, get.” — They exchange some sassy words. Ronan thinks school is lame and Adam tells him to go do his homework. Adam is making very conscious efforts not to fight with Gansey or Blue ever again, but he has a comfortable enough relationship with Ronan to know they will still have many fights. Ronan leaves in a huff. But when Adam gets in his car after work, there’s a jar of DREAM LOTION for his chapped hands that have been driving him crazy in his car. “Manibus” it says (Latin?) “For your hands”

AWWWWWWW YOU GUUYYYSSS!!! I think Ronan has a huge crush on Adam’s hands.

Gansey and Malory have a discussion about Glendower and the 3 people sleeping underground and blah blah blah. Okay then Noah shows up hahaha. They have a super cute exchange over this little metallic snowman Noah found in Ronan’s room. And then Gansey tells Noah he’d like to ask Glendower to give him life. Noah is touched by this, but doesn’t seem to believe it’s possible. The whole time they’re talking, Gansey is touching his ear because he thinks he feels hornets there. Noah stops him and blows cold air on his ears, saying “It’s okay. You’re safe. There’s nothing there.”

Because it was Noah and no one else, Gansey could admit, “I don’t know what I’ll do if I find him, Noah. I don’t know what I’ll be if I’m not looking for him. I don’t know the first thing about how to be that person again.” Noah put the clay in Gansey’s hands.

“That’s exactly how I feel about the idea of being alive again.”

That’s the end of the chapter. AUGH I love these KIDS!! I love how much they love each other! They don’t behave like realistic teenagers AT ALL. They’re too emotionally mature and kind and intelligent hahaha But I love it all the same!!!

Also? I can’t reiterate enough how obvious it is that Gansey’s near-death experience obviously shook him. He’s been obsessed with Glendower ever since then, puzzled by the nagging feeling of “why me? Why was I saved?” — and he literally doesn’t remember who he was before this obsession. Beautiful character building.

Blue gets into a fight with Calla because she’s in an awful mood and misses her Mom so much it’s driving her nuts. Calla reveals that she misses Maura too, but their powers don’t work where Cabeswater is concerned. They can’t see events happening in it for some reason. Blue finds the list of names she made on St. Mark’s Day and takes it outside. She thought that hillbilly sounded familiar. And sure enough, his name is on the list. The Gray man is out there having a beer and I love that he’s like…part of the family now. They have the sweetest conversation and he sees Gansey’s name on the list. He tells her fate could change. Fate is a promise and promises can be broken. And he has a decision to make before Sunday.

Gansey is laying in bed at night with his phone on his chest, waiting for Blue to call. Hoping she’ll call. (She doesn’t have a cell so he has to hope she’ll creep down to the reading room and also have insomnia like he does). Just as he’s chastising himself for wanting her to call him, she DOES. And they have a severely stupid conversation about ducks lol. But hearing her voice puts him in such a good mood. They hang up and then Ronan bursts in on him in the kitchen/bathroom/laundry room. There’s a cute moment where he tricks Gansey into listening to the murder squash song on his headphones, and after they laugh about that, he’s finally able to feel happy and go to sleep.

The next day at school, a classmate named Henry Cheng asks Gansey to sign his petition to hold an election for student council. Henry seems really sweet and like a good guy. So it sucks that Ronan is mean to him! Bad Ronan! He’s just crazy jealous. Like Orla said, it’s weird how much these kids platonically love each other.

Alright so Gansey is speaking with the principal about something we don’t know yet… so Ronan takes Adam out to the Barns. He shows him what he’s been working on… Which is trying to dream up an object that wakes up the comatose things his father dreamed. He shows Adam his “workshop”, which used to be Nial’s “workshop”, which is really just a dusty tack room with a chair and a blanket in it. Ronan shows Adam a few objects he’s made. One is this weird mirror, shifty, strange thing that Adam can’t look at for more than a second. When he holds it up to a cow, it’s ears twitch but it doesn’t wake up.

Ronan reveals that the reason he’s so desperate to make an object like this… is because he realized that HE DREAMED MATTHEW. ON ACCIDENT. When he was a child. Declan told him. So he’s terrified that if/when he dies, Matthew will be comatose, and he doesn’t want that.

This chapter is also RIFE with Ronan/Adam flirting!

As they moved through the old barn, Adam felt Ronan’s eyes glance off him and away, his disinterest practiced but incomplete. Adam wondered if anyone else noticed. Part of him wished they did and immediately felt bad, because it was vanity, really: See, Adam Parrish is wantable, worthy of a crush, not just by anyone, someone like Ronan, who could want Gansey or anyone else and chose Adam for his hungry eyes.

And when looking at the beautiful pictures in the tack room (contrasting Adam’s father’s office, which was all trucks and pin-up girls):

It was so different from what Adam’s father had pinned to his workspace walls that again Adam considered Ronan’s admiration of him. Someone like him treating someone like Adam as someone worthy —

When Adam asks why he keeps driving all the way out here to dream, Ronan answers that sometimes he dreams of wasps. So he can’t try this at Monmouth. Also, he says, he’s dreamt a punch of epipens and hidden them all over the factory and school. WHICH I TOTALLY CAUGHT. There was a line in the previous book when those thugs are going through the drawers, and an epipen spills out. But I’m pretty sure when we first meet Gansey in book 1, it says that his one and only epipen is in the glove box of the Pig. Anyway, I think it’s sweet that Ronan is scattering them all over the place. Gansey’s allergy is so bad, epipens might not even help, but it’s sweet that he wants to try.

Adam asks why he showed him all this. Ronan replies: “I hear if you want magic done, you ask a magician.”

That night, Blue calls and asks Gansey to tell her a story about the leyline. He does. Then afterwards, he feels all floaty again after getting to hear her voice before bed.

There was nothing inherently guilty about the moment except that Gansey burned with guilt and thrill and desire and the nebulous feeling of being truly known. It was on the inside of him, and the inside was all Noah ever really paid attention to. The other boy wore a knowing expression.

“Don’t tell the others,” Gansey said.

“I’m dead,” Noah replied. “Not stupid.”

Meanwhile, Colin and Piper are like… the dumbest villains ever lol. And I don’t mean conceptually, I mean intellectually. Wow I hate these guys!! Good job Maggie! They’re just so shallow and callous with people’s lives and hurtful and SHALLOW. Piper has a little rat dog now. She reveals to Colin that she bought spelunking equipment because she thinks “Gray’s psychic bimbo” is down in the underground leyline caves. Thank goodness they don’t know where those caves are, right??? EEEHHHH NERVOUS.

Blue takes the car back out to Jesse Dittley’s house and Noah tags along. She strikes a deal with this hillbilly giant that if she cleans up his yard, he lets them explore his haunted cave. There’s a cute little montage of Blue (tiny but strong) getting the job done. Jesse says “Good ant” because she reminds him of an ant lol.

When her and Noah are planting the flowers, he starts acting weird. He starts chanting “Blue Lily, Lily Blue” and his eyes turn into black sunken craters and he’s being CREEPY AS FUCK and getting up right in her face. Jesse sees what’s happening and shoves a mirror in between them, which makes Noah shrink away and scream and then dissapear. Jesse makes her spaghettios and they talk about the nature of the haunted cave and how his family has almost been making like… sacrifices for generations? Like he knows one day he’ll go into that cave, and be killed by whatever is in there, then his son will have to come collect the bones. Like he did for his father. (UGH right??)

Well then Calla and Gansey burst into the house PISSED OFF because it’s been 6 hours since she took the car, she only has a learner’s permit, and she has no cell phone so no one knew where she was. When they get back to 300 Fox Way, EVERYONE is there (except Noah obvs). Ronan. Adam. The whole gangs there because they were out looking for Blue. Blue explains how she knows Jesse Dittley is going to die (tells them about the corpse road) and ADAM — our sweet, intuitive, intelligent, beautiful boy — catches on fucking immediately that one of their names is on that list. He knows she’s lying. ADAM IS SO FUCKING SMART. So he finds an excuse to pull her aside and is like “Which one of us is it?” And she is quiet at first, but eventually tells him, Gansey. And Adam is crushed. Then he’s like… well I fucking know what favor we’re asking Glendower for, then.

Alright, Chapter 26 is a DOOZY.

Blue wakes up pissed off. Just pissed at how unfair and difficult everything is. So she calls Gansey and asks her to come get her. He seems kind of in a mood too. Not a bad one, just a real genuine… no more pithy little dialogue. Just raw and…REAL!

This wasn’t the Gansey she’d seen in the kitchen earlier; this was the Gansey she secretly called at night.

They drive around. Hands holding over the clutch. He teaches her how to drive the Camaro haha. THEN THIS HAPPENS:

She pulled over. She had thought it was such a simple thing to avoid kissing someone when she’d been with Adam. Her body had never known what to do. Now it knew. Her mouth didn’t care that it was cursed. She turned to Gansey.

“Blue,” he warned, but his voice was chaotic. This close, his throat was scented with mint and wool sweater and vinyl car seat, and Gansey, just Gansey.

She said, “I just want to pretend. I want to pretend that I could.”

He breathed out.

What was a kiss without a kiss? It was a tablecloth tugged from beneath a party service. Everything jumbled against everything else in just a few chaotic moments. Fingers in hair, hands cupping necks, mouths dragged on cheeks and chins in dangerous proximity. They stopped, noses mashed against each other in the strange way that closeness required. She could feel his breath in her mouth.

“Maybe it wouldn’t hurt if I kiss you,” he whispered. “Maybe it’s only if you kiss me.” They both swallowed at the same time, and the spell was broken.

They both laughed, again at the same time, shakily. “And then we never speak of it again,” Gansey said, mocking himself softly, and Blue was so glad of it, because she had played the words from that night over and over in her mind and wanted to know he had, too. Gently he tucked her hair behind her ears — this was a fool’s errand, because it had never been behind her ears to begin with and wouldn’t stay. But he did it again and again, and then he took out two mint leaves and put one in his mouth and one in hers.

WHEW!!! Fuckiiiin loved that. Well fuck it’s kind of short lived though. On their way home, they come across Henry Cheng whose car is broken down (at like 3am?? Dude.) so he asks to use Gansey’s phone. And his presence kind of breaks the spell of the night. Blue hates how Gansey’s voice changes when he talks to his Aglionby friends. She tells him this. I think she’s so wound up and hurt from wanting and not being able to have… and probably some dumb part of her 17 year old brain wants to spoil it for reasons other than the curse.

Because she says some hurtful shit. Like “What was I thinking? You and I would never work. We’re from two different worlds.” Gansey is pretty wise though. He can tell there’s another component than this other than her dislike of how his voice changes when he talks to Henry.

“When are you going to tell me what this is really about?” This made her heave a great shuddered breath that was close to tears. “Never.”

AW BABIES!!

Okay so, I read the next chapter last night? And literally had to put the book down. I was like NOPE! TOO SPOOKY! Too late. Too dark. Too scared. This is what happens:

It’s the day the gang goes to explore Dittley’s cursed cave. It’s raining. Gansey feels off. Just like one of those days where nothing goes right. The mood is sour. His favorite sweater is dirty, so he has to wear one he doesn’t like. YOU KNOW. He’s also like… not ready to find Glendower. He’s like the dog that chases the car and doesn’t know what to do once he’s caught it.

But weird shit starts happening as soon as they enter the cave. Adam is like “shut up Ronan, cut it out. Quit singing.” And everyone says “Ummm Adam? No one is singing.” Then CHAINSAW THE BIRD opens her little beak like a record payer and stars “singing” haunting music about “all hail the Raven king. Here he comes lalalala” and then she flies off into the cave. Ronan is like…. “NO MY BABY!” And wants to go chase after her solo but everyone is like hell to the no, Rone this cave is fucking with us. Gansey asks Adam what he thinks, and when Adam touches the cave wall, his EYES TURN BLACK. I think this is something that’s been happening for a while when he does psychic stuff. He thinks they should keep going and the cave is just trying to scare them as a defense mechanism.

So they keep going until they find like… basically a tomb. Decorated with statues and carvings and raven stuff and it’s like… this is it. This is the tomb of Glendower. They found it and it was THAT EASY — which just totally unsettles Gansey. The whole time he’s thinking… this is nothing like the vision I had in the spirit tree (because he literally saw that moment and this space looks different. The energy is off). They find a tomb with a big heavy lid/statue on it….

They found Chainsaw by the way and she’s fine lol

And here’s where I was like…nope. Too scary. They open the tomb, and it’s not Glendower. It’s a woman with her wrists and ankles bound, laying FACE DOWN, and when they open the impossibly heavy lid, and it falls loudly, HER HEAD SNAPS ALL THE WAY AROUND TO FACE THEM and she crawls out of the box. The way she’s described, she sounds like “The Ring” girl lol all long black stringy hair. And she’s singing the weird Blue Lily, Lily Blue song and laughing. Gansey flips from nervous and uncertain to calm, collected badass in a second. This lady is in her 20’s and is coo coo bananas. Keeps flirting with all the boys. Singing nonsense. They decide they can’t just leave her in the cave, so they take her out OH FUCK GUYS! REALLY???

I have such a bad feeling about this. The psychics said there were 3 sleepers and only 2 should be woken up. The other one they said ABSOLUTELY NOT TO WAKE.

Well they get outside and it’s raining blood and windy, and the sun is out, and there’s a, um… COMET IN THE SKY?? Gansey says that in the texts, there’s mention of a comet on the day Glendower was buried. The lady says she doesn’t like Adam. She calls him a mongrel (which actually really hurts his feelings). And Gansey sets her straight like “Hey we’ve been nothing but nice to you. His name is Adam Parrish and you will address him as such” and she’s like “YES MY LORD”. Turns out she wasn’t even asleep. This witch was buried and has been lying face down for hundreds of years. They take her to Jesse and she admits to haunting his family and killing his ancestors and is like “SORRYYYYY” and then they stuff her in the suburban. Blue has a cute moment with Jesse and says “We broke the curse, so now you can live happily with you family. Please don’t die” and he’s like “GOOD ANT.”

They take her to 300 Fox Way.

Calla: “Do you remember how I said that there were three sleepers, and Maura’s job was to not wake one of them, and your job was to wake one of the others? Remember how I didn’t say anything about the other one? I did not mean bring her to my kitchen.”

Okay well at least she’s not the BAD sleeper. I was so afraid of this witch lady at first and now I’m calming down. She’s kind of more silly than anything. She says her name is Sorrow but she speaks in poems so I don’t know how true that is. Calla tells Adam and Ronan to go get supplies for her.

Adam and Ronan exchanged a wide-eyed look. Adam’s look said, What does that mean? and Ronan’s said, I don’t care; let’s get out of here before she changes her mind. Gansey frowned after them as they scrambled to the front door.

Fucking love them. Lol I love the imagery of these two SCRAMBLING for the door. I’d be like yeah let’s get away from the lady that can possess ghosts and birds please. Alright so crazy lady says that Artemis is the one who tied her up!! As punishment? When they untie her hands, she spins around and tells Gansey her name is actually Gwenllian. And he’s stunned, because that’s the name of Glendower’s daughter.

Chapter 29 is Adam and Ronan shopping for Gwenllian (wow that’s a pretty name) and I am here for it. “I don’t even know what to get, a kennel?” — Ronan. This whole scene is really adorable. Watching them throw toothbrushes and shampoo and shit in the cart. Like we all know the guys are friends. But I don’t think we’ve seen so many scenes with Ronan and Adam casually hanging out up until now. They see Colin Greenmantle’s wife with a shopping cart full of gardening stuff that looks dangerous. But they decide to drop it and leave the store.

There’s a random scene in the parking lot where Ronan is like GET IN THE CART PARRISH. And they behave like teenaged boys for a minute and ride/slam the cart Jackass style into Ronan’s BMW. This is so cute and spontaneous, I can understand why I’ve seen so much fan art of it lol. Ronan asks Adam to tell him what he’s researched about Greenmantle so he can get to dreaming about it.

Blue has a sweet conversation with Malory where he reveals his therapy Dog is for anxiety. But he doesn’t really have anxiety. He can sense auras. And when he’s around big crowds, it gets overwhelming. He says that Blue has a BLUE aura… the color of psychics. He also tells her about when he first met Gansey, this young squirrelly teenager who blew in one day then left the next without explanation. He tells her about how he kind of still had some PTSD back then… he’d collapse and claw at his face like hornets were there. I mean poor baby had this wild experience of DYING horrifically, then having a ghost…voice…revive him and tell him about Glendower. Or was it Glendower’s voice?? It’s not specified. They talk about Gwenllian being an illegitimate child of Glendower’s and how she might have been buried in a “shill” grave. Like a fake one to throw off grave robbers.

Okay so um, this next chapter. Fuck. Ronan and Adam are hanging out in the St. Agnes church. It’s night time. No one is there. Ronan takes Adam up to the choir pews where the organ is and a statue of Mary with little candles all around her. It’s very romantic, and they behave accordingly, sneaking glances at each other. Catching each other staring. It’s all very sweet.

So they get to talking about what to do about Greenmantle. And Adam has this plan…. But it’s a nasty plan. The problem is they need to frame this guy for a murder he actually did commit (hiring a hit man to kill Nial Lynch), but doing that is going to be really hard. So Adam has an idea to frame him for a different type of crime. One that is taken VERY SERIOUSLY and is easier to put people away for. Maggie doesn’t go into details here, but I think it has something to do with…. Illegal… children stuff….. Ronan is VERY NOT OKAY WITH THIS. Because he’s the one that has to dream up the “evidence” to plant on this guy. But he understands why it needs to be done.

He tells Adam “fuck it. I’ll do it now. Leave and I’ll make your stuff.” And Adam is like “I don’t wanna leave. Also brb I gotta go scry/separate my soul from my body for second to talk to my forest and ask Cabeswater to show you what kind of phone Greenmantle has, so you can dream up a copy.” - the fact that Adam can do this, that he knows how to ASTRAL PROJECT by staring at a flickering candle flame, is so cool. I love that he’s magic now.

Well when Adam comes back from his conversation with the forest, he finds himself staring at a badly beaten, carved up, dying in pain…Ronan. AUGH the description of it is so gruesome. Adam is horrified, and moves to help, but is interrupted by the REAL Ronan perched up on the pew. He explains that he tried to warn Adam. Sometimes his bad dreams come back with him. He didn’t want him to see stuff like this. (I think Adam is white as a ghost at this point) — Like, HOW MANY TIMES HAS RONAN BURIED HIMSELF? How many times has this HAPPENED? He had to dream a double of himself for the monsters to kill, otherwise he would have brought them out with him in the real world. Ronan is pissed at Adam for making him dream this depraved shit… and seeing what I’m sure is something really private (his dream…deaths..) and they say nasty words after Ronan demands Adam leave.

Back in his apartment, Adam takes a long shower. He’s going through a lot… So it doesn’t help AT ALL when his fucking FATHER shows up at his door and pushes his way in. To Adam’s credit, he doesn’t rise to any of the bait that is being put out there. His father is saying this whole court thing is ridiculous and there’s no way he’ll win. He knows the judge. Adam is just crying for attention. Etc. Etc. Adam like… retreats into himself and can feel and smell Cabeswater and the branches growing protectively around him. His body is in that room, but his spirit is somewhere else. When his dad tries to touch him, he gets pricked, and has a thorn sticking out of his hand. Then he leaves. (So cool)

Adam stood there for a long moment. He wiped the heel of his hand over his right eye and cheek, then dried it on his slacks.

AUGH this poor KID!! Fresh off this traumatic event of watching his friend get brutally murdered… he’s got a magic forest talking to him in his head… and now this douche canoe of a father comes and starts shit. Like WOW why can’t Adam have nice things??

So Colin and Piper are in the cave and you want to hate them, but then they do really funny things. Like Piper is such a dingbat. She brought her dog and is picking up poop in a baggie. You almost, ALMOST like them and then Colin says shit like this: “What I’m going to do is hire a billion million minions to come look in caves for this woman, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll just eviscerate her daughter in front of the Gray Man instead.” - AUGH. FUCK YOU DUDE. Piper stops because she hears something, but we never get confirmation as to what. Colin randomly thinks about people sleeping and wanting to wake up one of them (??Cave, what are you doing??). Then they decide to leave.

Blue sure wishes her mom would come home. Gwenllian is hella weird and exhausting to be around. But she’s getting more likable too. She’s like the house crazy lady now. Stealing everyone’s clothes, talking to trees, and storing things in her hair lol. Gansey keeps showing up to try to get info out of her, but she’s hard to wrangle. Lately everyone has been busy. Adam and Ronan keep running off to do their thing. Noah hasn’t shown up since he freaked out at Jesse’s house. And Gansey has some mysterious after-school commitment he keeps running off to.

Gray comes over and Gwen is pulling a vacuum around the house like a dog lol She tells him her sad story of hearing about her Dad’s advisor trying to incite war. So she tried to stab him at dinner. She was sentenced to being buried alive after that. Gray tells Blue that Adam and Ronan HIRED him to help with this Greenmantle framing thing. He won’t tell her details but asks about her haunted cave and if she thought it might be a good place to hide bodies. Then he asks her to show him, so she’s like okay!

Sometimes this book just… makes you forget what you’re reading about lol. Blue tells her aunts the hitman is taking her out, so they go on their adventure.

I love that Jesse and Blue are friends, and I love that he calls her Ant because she reminds him of these tough African ants he saw in a documentary once. Blue and Gray ask to see the cave, and Jesse is like “Sure but I gotta warn you, weird shits been happening lately” and he shows them. And basically these like… MONSTERS are coming out of the cave. Gray shoots one and it has like…3 heads? Blue thought they broke the curse by taking Gwen out of the cave, but Jesse thinks she was holding these monsters back. So. Now that’s a thing.

ALSO WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COMET AND THE RAINING BLOOD? Did that go away? I suppose so since society isn’t falling apart??

That night, Gwen comes to Blue’s room with a spoonful of mayo lol. I like her random objects. Gwen, in unhinged sing-song, explains that she and Blue are similar. Blue would call herself a battery. Gwen calls them mirrors. Gwen also says— “YOU’RE A WITCH, HARRY!” And Blue is a little excited at the thought of finally having a name, even if it is witch. Gwen shoves Blue to stand between Neeve’s two mirrors, and when’s he looks to her left and right, her reflection vanishes. But she’s still there in the room. So that’s weird. Gwen eats her mayonnaise. I’m sure those mirrors will mean something later!!

Also I’ve decided I love Gray. He’s on the list with the boys, and Blue, and Maura — the list of people I will be heartbroken over if they die. Gansey is at the top.

Colin notices that his wife is acting super weird. She always stares at herself in the mirror, but when he calls her name she doesn’t respond. She’s staring off into space and then kicks him out of the bathroom.

In Chapter 37, Gansey is relishing moments of high school monotony. The happiness of walking in between Ronan and Adam. Watching the crowd part for them. Dew on the grass. Coffee in the air. Normal teenager shit. They run into Henry who is still on his very passionate quest to convince the administration to instate a student council. Gansey goes to get Henry coffee in the teacher’s lounge, which is adorable that he can just WALK in there and take stuff. Then he hears someone shout Adam’s name, followed by a LOUD NOISE.

Gansey spills back into the courtyard to see that some construction workers dropped a bunch of concrete panels, and it’s broken into pieces — fine shards — all over the courtyard. Ronan and Henry are COVERED in dust. Adam is standing eerily in the center of it, perfectly calm, protected by a bubble of air. Like he’s untouched. The grass around him is completely clean. WE LOVE OUR MAGIC BOY!!! Everyone is taking pictures like “omg Adam you’re so lucky!” I love this exchange:

Gansey leaned and Adam pulled him in even closer, gripping his shoulder tightly. Right into Gansey’s ear, he whispered, voice tinged in disbelief, “I didn’t — I just asked — I just thought —”

“Thought what?” Gansey asked.

Adam released him. His eyes were on the circle around him. “I thought that. And it happened.” The circle was absolutely perfect: dust without, dustless within.

“You marvelous creature,” Gansey said.

Thank you for saying what we were all thinking Gans!

Okay so the next day is the court case. Adam is, understandably, a ball of nerves standing in the courtroom. Cabeswater is there with him in spirit. He can feel leaves wrapping around his body that aren’t really there. Adam is really regretting being there alone, now. He misses his friends. He wished he could get over his pride and let them in. THEN GANSEY AND RONAN SHOW UP. Ronan even tucked his shirt in and did his tie correctly. And Gansey strides up to the judge and shakes his hand because he KNOWS THE GUY and asks to be character witnesses. So the Judge is like “I’ll allow this!” — YOU ARE SO FUCKED ROBERT PARRISH. YOU’RE SO FUCKED!!

Adam has this amazing growth moment of realizing Gansey has always seen him as an equal. It was never a charity case. It was just friendship. Like real love for his friends.

Smash cut to a few days later. I guess we don’t get to find out what happened in court yet! But Adam asks Blue if she wants to come along on Cabeswater business. He’s sitting in a gas station wondering if the pulse in his veins is blood or the leyline and Noah shows up and is like “Yeah I wonder the same thing.” — Adam is like….ummmm did you just reply to my thoughts? Noah’s like I dunno.

OMG can we appreciate this scene, where they turn on the radio and the murder squash song comes on… and Adam panicky and ejects the tape. Blue is like HOW? HOW did that make it off the internet??

Noah cackled and showed them the cassette. It boasted a handmade label marked with Ronan’s handwriting: PARRISH’S HONDAYOTA ALONE TIME. The other side was A SHITBOX SING-ALONG.

Ronan dreamed him a mix tape. So fucking cute.

They get to the forest and a tarot card tells Adam where to head: 3 boulders making something of a natural gazebo. There he scries, and says he’s never done this in front of people before, so he doesn’t know what he looks like. He thinks it’s not happening at first, but realizes pretty quickly that when he talks to Blue, she’s not responding. And his spirit is outside his body. He figures out that some rocks need to be rearranged on the mountain to help the leyline. Cabeswater asks for the Greywarren and Adam is like nah, he’s not here, just me lol. He figures out that there is more than one Cabeswater and he doesn’t know how awake the others are or if they’re connected somehow. I guess there’s a network of magical forests on the leyline. He drifts and drifts and finds himself in a cave with a spooky red door and a woman who seems familiar, but he’s so in spirit-mode he can’t remember her. A man is with her. They tell him to GO. I think this is Maura and Artemis. But we don’t know.

Anyway there’s a spooky red door that is eerily enchanting. It’s equal parts terrifying and makes you want to open it like you’ve never wanted anything else in your life… but you’re also afraid. Adam gets sucked into this feeling and almost opens the door when Blue and Noah cut his hand and he gets thrown back into his body. They said he just went blank, and quit blinking, then he quit breathing, so they panicked lol. GOOD FRIENDS.

They move some rocks. The leyline is so happy, Noah is able to look SOLID and human. Not even a smudge. This cute thing happens:

They staggered back toward the trail. Blue’s arm was linked around the back of Noah, and her fingers grabbed Adam’s T-shirt so that they were one creature, a drunken six-legged animal.

Suddenly Adam remembers it was Maura he saw in the cave, and he tells Blue. DUN DUN DUNNN!!

Okay but seriously though, what about the comet and what about the court case MAGGIE??

Persephone calls Adam to have a one last psychic training session, and its at a general store on some rocking chairs. Adam is trying to get some information out of her. Like is Maura alive? How do I save Gansey’s life? But Persephone is all dreamy and just wants to talk about the number 3. And how significant that number is. Then, she vanishes, and Adam asks the clerk if he came here alone or not. And she says he’s just been talking to himself this whole time.

Oh my god Chapter 41 is NUTS. Blue races home to find Adam and Calla getting ready to do some scrying in the reading room because Persephone is missing. Adam, who doesn’t trust anyone, tells Blue “I’m trusting you” — and Blue and Calla hold his hands. Blue is going to amplify his power and Calla is going to keep an eye on the thread to make sure he doesn’t get lost. If your soul strays too far from your body, you die. Adam’s eyes go completely black. And for a moment, he speaks WITH Persephone’s voice calling out for Maura. But then his voice comes back, calling for Persephone. Calla is finally like “alright, pull the cord” and Blue has to let go of him and sever her energy so he’ll wake up.

“Cut him off,” Calla snarled. “I know you can. I’ll pull him back!”

As Calla used her free hand to press a thumb to the center of Adam’s forehead, Blue frantically imagined what she had done to pull the plug on Noah back in Monmouth. Only it had been one thing to do it while Noah threw things about. It was another thing to do it as she watched Adam’s still chest and his empty eyes. Another thing as his shoulders sagged and his face fell into Calla’s waiting hands.

She tried to visualize the white light pouring down to strengthen them, but it was hard when she could see Adam’s body sprawled limply across the end of the reading table. Calla slapped his face. “Come on, you bastard! Remember your body!”

It takes a minute. But when he comes to, he says Persephone is in the house. Around some mirrors? So they race upstairs and they find Persephone between the two mirrors and she is DEAD!! WTFFFF!!!

Gansey and Ronan arrive late because Gansey’s phone was off and Ronan never answers his. Gansey leaves Adam with Ronan on the porch (after saying some very sweet things to the effect of “It’s not your fault, Parrish”) — and goes inside. Calla is SO UPSET. He says he’s going into that cave and he’s going to get Maura back. Calla is like NEAT I’m coming too. He leaves the psychics in the kitchen and goes upstairs to find Blue sitting on the floor by Perseophone’s bed. And we get this adorable scene:

It was against the rules, but Gansey crouched down beside her, one of his knees against her back, one against her knees, and hugged her. She curled against him, hands balled up against his chest. He felt a hot tear slip into the dip of his collarbone. He closed his eyes against the sun through the window, burning hot in his sweater, foot falling asleep, elbow grinding into the metal bed frame, Blue Sargent pressed up against him, and he didn’t move. Help, he thought. He remembered Gwenllian saying that it was starting, and he could feel it, winding out faster and faster, a ball of thread caught in the wind. Starting, starting — He could not tell who was comforting whom.

“I’m part of the useless new generation,” Blue said finally, the words right on his skin. Desire and dread lay right next to each other in his heart, each sharpening the other.

Maggie just… wtf. Beautiful.

Gwen kind of spins into the scene and speaks in songs and riddles. Says something about how Artemis taught her how to borrow people’s eyes. That’s how she spent the last 600 years. She says some riddle about a tree at night and Gansey asks Gwen to come with them to the cave.

Earlier that day or later… I can’t tell:

Adam and Ronan stand badassily in Colin Greenmantle’s field until he notices. They come out there and exchange some threatening words like “I know what you are” to each other, and Adam produces a Manila folder.

Oh fuck is THIS how it goes down? Is THIS the plan, boys? I thought they were going to anonymously give it to the police or something. This is ballsy, but I have a bad feeling about this. Okay well they tell him that if he’s not out of town by Friday, everything in this folder comes true. Colin is especially unnerved by Adam, who has the same regal, far-off look as Piper who has been staring at the mirrors in a trance all day. The folder contains a CHILD’S SEVERED HAND in a baggie, and tons of emails, photos, texts, etc painting him as a murderer and pervert. Holy shit, game on.

Colin…to my complete surprise…looks at the folder and is like HAHAHA YEP. Fuck this. Fuck all this. Clearly those boys have the Greywarren and know how to use it and IIIIIII no longer care. Honey! Get your coat. Pack your bags, we’re leaving town.

But Piper says NO. I hired two thugs and we’re driving out to the boonies to enter a cave, because I’m having visions about doors, they’re calling me, and we’re fucking going in the cave. Colin comes along, hoping he can convince her to stop it on the way, but they end up running into Jesse Dittley guarding the cave and she fucking SHOOTS HIM. Gray shows up and tries to stop them, but Piper is in full on badass mode and takes him hostage. Colin and Piper get in a fight, and then she tells him to just leave. Go run off like a coward. AND HE FUCKING DOES JUST THAT.

Alright, so the Gansey gang also enters the cave on the Cabeswater side. Calla stays in the car to keep time with Matthew after Blue begs her. Adam is at the front of the line with Ronan behind him, because they figure Cabeswater is more keen to protect the two of them. Ronan also brought his ghost light, one of his dream objects. Gwen is singing her crazy songs. They find THE PIT and Adam and Ronan opt to go in and check it out first. They’re like… full on besties now. Ronan even squeezes Adam’s arm when they’re looking down the pit as if to say “Don’t fall in”

When they get down there, they find some hornet nests (EEK!!) and between Adam’s magic and Ronan’s dream powers, they transform them into birds. I did not know this was something they could do. But NEAT!! They’re Gansey’s magicians. I think it’s the same Cabeswater magic that manifests your thoughts.

Okay so then they go get the gang and bring them down there, and they find a massive room occupied by hundreds of animal bones - just standing on the ground, fully in tact and suspended upright. Some of them are from animals that are extinct or thought to not exist, like UNICORNS and primordial beasts no one has ever heard of. Gwen says some shit like “If you cannot wake these beasts, then how do you expect to wake my father?” — and Adam hatches a plan to pull his leyline magic toward Ronan, who has his weird dream object no one can look at, and Blue can amplify, and Gansey can point the rocks accordingly. They almost pull it off, but it’s not working. Then Gansey says, with authority, “Wake up” and the skeletons become real animals. YES. I think Gansey’s magic is… commanding things. He is the group leader, after all.

The animals start stampeding toward the exit. Ronan and Blue manage to hop on the backs of some of them, and they hop out of the room before Gansey, Adam, or Gwen can follow.

Ronan and Blue adventure! LET’S GO!! They’re in a room with a cave lake that doesn’t make any ripples when you throw stuff into it. Ronan is so done. “Hey, I have an idea! Fuck magic. Fuck this.” — When Blue looks into the lake, she sees her mother’s dead body. Ronan pulls her back, saying it’s a trick. He saw his Dad, even though he’s buried in the ground.

This is sweet.

For a moment they remained that way, Ronan holding her as tightly as he would hold his brother Matthew, his cheek on her shoulder. Every time she thought she could go on, she saw the face of her mother’s corpse again. Finally, she pulled back, and Ronan stood up. He looked away, but not before she saw the tear he flicked from his chin. “Fuck this,” he said again.

Man, fuck this cave for showing these kids their dead parents.

Blue remembers some nonsense Gwen said about mirror magic, and how people (witches?) with their particular ability had mirror powers. So Blue thinks she can walk across the shallow lake and be okay. But it’ll swallow Ronan if he goes in. So she has to go alone. He gives her his ghost light, which is super sweet because that means he has to sit there and wait there in the DARKNESS.

Holy shit. So Blue makes it across the river and finds a small chamber with the creepy red door. The door that holds the sleeper we are definitely NOT supposed to wake up. She finds ARTEMUS there, kneeling and looking worse for wear, then also MAURA BEHIND HIM!! She’s alive!! And she is not okay. Apparently they’ve been down there for a very long time, trying to resist the door. It’s so bad, they can’t move. Blue is okay. She hears the door tempting her, but she is a mirror, so it’s not as bad. She ties her parents’ hands and is determined to get them out of there.

But then Piper shows up with one of her thugs and Mr. Gray in tow. They exchange words. Piper is truly awful and very stupid — going for the door that is probably promising her fame and money. There’s a scuffle, and for some reason the cave is COLLAPSING while everyone is fighting. I forget why it’s collapsing. Maybe from the stampede. It takes some effort, but Blue and her parents make it out safely, along with Mr. Gray. THANK GOODNESS.

Okay… but what about THE GUYS?? MY BABIES?????

It jumps to a week later. Everyone made it out okay, yay! They gang is dropping Malory off at the airport. Adam picks at the scabs on his hand and thinks about what Persephone told him:

She had told him that there were three sleepers. One to wake, one to not wake. One in between. The others thought that Gwenllian was the one in between, but that didn’t really make sense, because she’d never been asleep. So he didn’t know if it was true or not, but he sort of liked to believe that the third sleeper had been him.

So that’s interesting. Maybe the third sleeper was Adam’s psychic ability.

One is definitely Glendower.

One is maybe Adam.

The third is some kind of bad no no we don’t want to wake up.

Alright well in the epilogue, Piper wakes up in the cave. And NEEVE IS THERE. FUCKING NEEVE. And Neeve says “Hey, wanna get out of this cave? Help me wake them up.” And Piper is like “Fuck yeah!” And they OPEN THE GOD DAMN DOOR. FUCK!

And this?

The sleeper wasn’t human. Piper wasn’t sure why she’d expected it would be. Instead, it was small, and black, and shiny, with more legs than she’d expected. It was powerful. Neeve said, “We have to do it at the same time to get the fa —” Piper reached out and touched it before Neeve could move. “Wake up.”

And that’s the end of book 3!!!

As always I’m finishing this book like “HAHA I LOVED IT! I THINK? What happened???” — like some of those parts felt rushed. I wanted to see the courtroom scene, but understand why that was cut. (Would have liked to hear the results of it, anyhow!). Still curious about the comet and raining blood lol. And the 3 headed monsters that were spilling out of the cave? What were Gansey and Adam doing while Ronan and Blue were trapped in the room with the mirror lake?? Is Artemis just like, out in the world now? Is it going to be weird with Mr. Gray there.

Well all the same, I love this book. I love these characters and their severely strange and often scary adventures. I love the relationship emerging between Gansey and Blue. I love the relationship emerging between Adam and Ronan. I love Noah. He’s scary and adorable all in the same breath. They’ve got their group dynamic DOWN with the king, the mages, and the mirror. Everyone is starting to realize their powers, even Gansey, whose power is inspiring everyone and being POSITIVE. EXCELSIOR!

There’s one more book in this series and I’m not ready. AUGH. Here we go.

Deadass Rating: 7.5/10

Unofficial theme song: “Cosmic Love” by Florence + the Machine

#the raven boys #the raven cycle #richard gansey #blue sargent #ronan lynch #adam x ronan #blue x gansey #blue lily lily blue #maggie stiefvater #the dreamer trilogy #glendower #noah czerny #book reviews #deadass book review #deadass book reviews #book review #book recommendations

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sunnydaleherald · 1 year ago

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The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Sunday, July 2

Xander: You're in love with a vampire?! What, are you outta your mind?! Cordelia: What?! Xander: Not vampire... How could you love an umpire? Everyone hates 'em!

~~Angel~~

The Sunnydale Herald is looking for at least one new editor. Contributing to the Herald is a great way to get your Buffy on! Find out more here.

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Off the Clock (Giles, G) by sparrow2000

It Must Be Bunnies! (Xander/Anya, T) by Empire_of_the_Words

Shattered (Buffy/Spike, T) by Geliot99

The Crow Rhyme (Buffy/Angel, T) by Empire_of_the_Words

Conspiracy (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Joan963z

Hers (Buffy/Spike, PG) by bookishy

Want (Buffy/Spike, PG) by Joan963z

[Chaptered Fiction]

There Should Be Groveling, Chapter 8 (NC-17) by slaymesoftly

Keepsakes, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, G) by violettathepiratequeen

Triptych, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, T) by Geliot99

Red on Red, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Angel, T) by Empire_of_the_Words

Dawn the Vampire Slayer, Chapter 10 (Buffy/Spike, R) by LJ94

Keepsakes, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, G) by violettathepiratequeen

Exquisite Complications: Part 2, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by DarkVoid116

The Text Message Memories of Buffy & Spike, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, G) by Julikobold

Doing my best to get back to you (Ain't nothing I'd rather do), Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, R) by fortes775

The (bad) Poems of William S. Pratt, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, G) by Julikobold

Spiderwebs, Chapter 29 (Buffy/Spike, R) by Willow25

B&S 4ever: Drabbles, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by cawthraven

Fractured Pieces, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, R) by RavenLove12

Bits and Bobs, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, R) by Behind Blue Eyes

To Still Be Wanting You, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, R) by simmony

Oh The Sights You'll See, Chapter 10 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Melme1325

Aspectus, Chapter 33 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Kirinin

Dream, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Dusty

Tunnel of Love, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, PG) by Joan963z

Ties to the World, Chapter 22 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by The Danish Bird

In the Mourning, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, PG) by Amina

Jigsaw, Chapter 4 (Buffy/Spike, R) by Dusty

Long Story Short, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, R) by scratchmeout

Excerpts, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Holly

Sometimes, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Electric Heart

Scenes from the FAA-Verse, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, G) by Willow25

Through the Years, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by DarkVoid116

Becoming Us, Chapter 11 (Buffy/Spike, R) by BewitchedXx

Do We Really..., Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by DeathTheKat

100% pure fluff (ish), Chapter 9 (Buffy/Spike, PG) by Amina

Those 2 again, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, G) by Julikobold

Going Home (to a place we’ve never been before), Chapter 7 (Crossover with Lord of the Rings, FR15) by curiouslywombat

Broken Not Destroyed, Chapter 41 (Crossover with Arrow, FR13) by Buffyworldbuilder

Worthless, Chapter 11 (Multiple crossings, FR15) by GandalfTG

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork:Here’s a quick Buffy study I did a while ago! by sachaaaan

Artwork:Dribbles & Scribbles by DeathTheKat

Artwork:Ephemera (NSFW) by HappyWhenItRains

[Reviews & Recaps]

Angel S03E15&16 ''...Sleep Tight""♡First time Reaction&Review♡ by SoFieReacts

Angel S03E17 ''Forgiving""♡First time Reaction&Review♡ by SoFieReacts

BEST GUEST STARS!!! - Buffy the Vampire Slayer Reaction - 7x10 - Bring on the Night by TheLexiCrowd

ANGEL 1X06 REACTION I First Time Watching by EvilQK

I READ THE BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER COMICS - BUFFY S8! by Elie Moses

[Fandom Discussions]

[Jenny's history] by jenny-calendar

Xander is insufferable?? by multiple authors

You're Angel in "Forgiving" - What do you do? by multiple authors

Buffy the show v.s. Angel the series by multiple authors

What do you wish we were able to see more of? Or less, if you prefer. by multiple authors

Disussion: Ted (ep 11, s2) - next disussion will be the 9th of July. Watch ep 12, s2: Bad Eggs by multiple authors

What if Cordelia was brought back for season 5? by multiple authors

Buffy’s friendship with Willow and Xander in the later seasons by multiple authors

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter!

Join the editor team :)

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toribookworm22 · 2 years ago

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Find The Word (x2)

Thank you @briannaswords & @vsnotresponding for the tags!

No pressure tagging: @aquil-writes @vmccombs @bookmarks-reviews @friggjarson & my open tag!

Your words are: BLUE, SOCK(S), PLACE, HIDE, & FEAR.

My words were: see, miss, trust, friendship, color, sin, lie, break, sword, & stone.

All excerpts are from the Animatronic Saga universe, but I will specify underneath each. Hidden under the cut for length.

See

Do you see what I mean? There is no purpose in dreams except to scare the living heck out of the host.

- Animatronic Saga

Miss(ed)

It’s the reason why she’s here with me, and she alone, while she should be with people she actually wants to be with. She’s here with me.

She’s here with me and I’ve missed her.

- secondary series

Trust

I didn’t tell her that you always believe you can trust people until someone breaks you.

- Animatronic Saga

Friendship

Without another sound, she pushed open the door and was gone. I stifled in the silence. Cass wasn’t wrong; I barely knew her. But to extend my hand in friendship only to have her cut it off at the shoulder stung nonetheless.

- Animatronic Saga

Colour

Bass filters steady and low through the room, even as the drums fade out and are replaced by a woman’s throaty voice. The cavern’s been dimmed, brightly colored gemstones our disco ball of a light source. Beside me, the colors are mesmerizing as they catch on a Kytor boy’s headpiece.

- secondary series

Sin(s)

Why did I love him again?

Insignia is good. You are bad. By helping us, you can pay back your sins and wrongdoings.

Insignia is… Insignia is…

- scrapped draft

Lie

How do I tell her that’s a lie? That we’ll never be back where we started?

How do I tell her that for over three weeks I tried, but there were too many holes and spaces and silences and it was the very fact that I thought we were in a loop but we were only in a time loop that drove me to run away?

- secondary series

Break

My knees hit the tile and dark cracks shattered the tile, but it wasn’t tile. My knees hit the bones and my knees splintered and I’d break my back to keep my past where it belonged, but it seemed more likely I’d break my nack peering over my shoulder.

- Animatronic Saga

Sword

There was a warcry and without my permission, my sword was cutting through flesh and bone, whirling on my enemies faster than they knew to be afraid. Insignia’s emblem shone like a beacon of death on each and every one of their bodies.

- Animatronic Saga

Stone

He looked once over his shoulder at the empty stretch of hallway before pressing his palm against the metal. A blue light flickered, then the metal slid upward, revealing a stone door with a hand scanner at its side. “My grandfather built this compound and such; he hid its secrets. Thus, I give to you the Ipis people.”

- Animatronic Saga

#writeblr #writers of tumblr #writing tag game #find the word #animatronic saga #secondary series #scrapped draft #some of these words were really hard to find for absolutely no reason

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spoilertv · 15 days ago

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#SpoilerTV

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myduckdestiny · 4 months ago

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BC Bud Supply

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pecanpralines · 5 months ago

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Bunions and Bridgerton

Call me Pecan,

My bunion surgery was Friday June 14th and that weekend I was on heavy pain medication causing difficulties focusing and staying awake during the Bridgerton season 3 plot.

It took me a whole weekend of rewinding and rewatching but I finally finished it and can give you my honest review.

**BEWARE SPOILERS BELOW**

In this season Colin Bridgerton returns transformed from his trip abroad. Mayfair is intrigued by his travels and the details of his encounters with women. Penelope Featherington is not impressed and jealous of the attention Colin receives from women of the ton. She uses her pulpit as Lady Whistledown to lambast his new personality which makes the writer more of an enemy to Eloise and now Colin. Penelope is going through a lot at home.

The Featherington sisters are under pressure to marry and produce a male heir to save their estate. This causes competition among the Feathington sisters to become the head of the estate.

With his newfound confidence and charm Colin offers to teach Penelope to help her snag a husband. Penelope still has feelings for Colin so these lessons feed into the Hot for teacher trope and the predictable student/teacher romance.

In the end Colin and Penelope come to terms with their feelings for each other and become engaged but Lady Whistledown threatens their wedding bliss. Penelope is understandably conflicted. She has always loved Colin but she can't let go of Whistledown. She is cornered on 3 sides. She fears losing Colin if she reveals the truth, her future sister-in-law Eloise threatens to to expose her and now someone else is pretending to be Lady Whistledown to claim the Queen's reward money.

The ending of this season boiled down to a question that many women face : "When I marry should I abandon my career?" Penelope agonizes over this decision well into their wedding night. It isn't until the last episode where Colin realizes that he fell in love with Penelope's writing in her letters and concluded that he cannot separate Penelope from Lady Whistledown because Penelope IS Lady Whistledown. It's a hurried speech that absolves Penelope from having to choose and wraps everything up in a little blue bow that Penelope can place on her new baby boy's head. She ends up with it all: the writing career, the marriage and the baby male heir.

But I'm here to unravel that bow and denounce the writters for shattering this fantsy world for women everywhere ! But first a disclaimer:

I know this is a fictional story based on Regency era London where women had even less rights than what is depicted in Bridgerton season 3. I also disclose that I have never read the original books.

I needed to type out my thoughts to unravel why this season bothered me so much. I conclude that I have come to enjoy this series because it is my escapist romantic fantasy. But there is no reprieve even in this fictional Regency era London run by a Black Queen. In 2024, a fictional character was written to dane to consider choosing between her career and marrying. It was a rude awakening from my-and every viewers'- fantasy daydream. I mistakenly thought that I and everyone in Mayfair was free from choosing between career and marriage. One might argue that Penelope did not have to choose because she got it all.

I counter that this is not the point. The point is the emotional suffering that Penelope was written to undergo in her weighing of this choice. She had a panic attack that led to her fainting. This is a fictional character in a romantic fantasy world. I want her to have everything she dreams of: The career, the marriage, the heir to the estate and more! I did not see the need to make her suffer unnecessarily in a world that was going to giver her everything she ever wanted in the end.

With that being said, I conclude my review by rating this season 3/5 bunions and a fantasy-wrecker.

I hope to continue sharing my thoughts on the movies and shows I watch and thank you for joining me on my surgery recovery journey.

-Pecan

#summer 2024 #surgery #netflix #bridgerton #bunion #BunionBlog #bunion blog

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yourartmatters-itswhatgotmehere · 2 years ago

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Representation matters!-in YA novels/books

-i am, obviously, not able to type ALL here, but the ones i know and love dearly+the ones I think are most important for the readers♥- I WILL KEEP UPDATING THIS WHEN NEEDED♥) +obvi not in any important-order!!

-BUT FIRST BOOKS THAT HELP FIGHT RACISM/EDUCATE/INFORM ABOUT BLACK LIVES:

-White Fragility: Why it’s so hard for white people to talk about Racism by Robin DiAngelo

-Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge

-The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X

-The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

-The Source of Self-Regard by Toni Morrison

(thank you for this list Dakota Johnson!)

-The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

-Dreams From My Father by Barack Obama

-Becoming by Michelle Obama

-BOOKS EDUCATING ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE/CRISIS list:

https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/139102124?shelf=climate-crisis

-BOOKS EDUCATING ABOUT AIDS/HIV list:

https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/139102124?shelf=about-aids-hiv

1. BISEXUAL-BI-REPRESENTATION (as a bi person myself I still think this should be represented more in media everywhere)

-bi boys: Isaac Sullivan (The Devouring Gray + The Deck Of Omens (duology), Jesper Fahey (Six of Crows, Grishaverse), Ness Arroyo / Eduardo Iron (Infinity Cycle Series-Infinity Son + Infinity Reaper + Infinity Kings), Rufus Emeterio (They Both Die At The End), Nathan Allan (I Wish You All The Best), Magnus Bane (The Mortal Instruments/The Shadowhunter Chronicles), Nick Nelson (Heartstopper), Alex Claremont-Diaz (Red, White & Royal Blue), Kit Fairfield (The Pairing), Winter Young(Stars and Smoke & Icon and Inferno), Jonah Collins & Dylan Ramirez (They Hate Each Other), Ash Ashton Taylor (The Law of Inertia), Will Tavares (Only Mostly Devastated), Enrique “Quique” Luna (This Is Why They Hate Us), Adam Parrish (The Raven Cycle Series), Will Solace (Percy Jackson Series), Andy Fleming (We Could Be So Good), Seth (Coffee Boy), Ridley Everlasting (Verona Comics), Mason Kane (The Dark We Know),

-bi girls: Violet Saunders (The Devouring Gray + The Deck Of Omens (duology), Nina Zenik (Six of Crows, Grishaverse), Maribelle Lucero (Infinity Cycle Series- Infinity Son + Infinity Reaper + Infinity Kings), Vivi Duarte(TheCruelPrince-The Folk Of The Air), Imogen Scott (Imogen, Obviously), Cleo Ferrara (The Girl Next Door), Nora Holleran (Red, White & Royal Blue), Lara (Only Mostly Devastated), Jules Lu (The Charm Offensive), Lea Li Zhang (How to Find a Missing Girl), Sutton Spencer (Those Who Wait), Dayana (London on My Mind), August Landry (One Last Stop), Chloe Green (I Kissed Shara Wheeler), Isa Isadora Chang (The Dark We Know),

-bi nonbinary: Theo Flowerday(The Pairing),

BOOKS TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BISEXUAL HISTORY & ACTIVISM: https://www.tumblr.com/ruimtetijd/686000390089621504/list-of-books-about-bi-history-and-activism-from

https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/139102124?shelf=bi-bisexual-characters-done-well

.https://anythingthatmovesarchive.carrd.co/ &https://anythingthatmovesarchive.carrd.co/#scans &https://anythingthatmovesarchive.carrd.co/#about

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Q--nIkJu0OS0BgiyZmdKVwOVg1G90SFzWijNDWFTt58/edit#heading=h.wqkaxpi7o5je

1b. ASEXUAL REPRESENTATION

Ling Chang (The Diviners Series), Tolya Yul-Bataar (Grishaverse-ShadowAndBone), Tori Spring (Heartstopper), Isaac Henderson (Heartstopper), Raphael Santiago (The Mortal Instruments/The Shadowhunter Chronicles),

1c. PANSEXUAL-PAN-REPRESENTATION

Parisa (The Charm Offensive), Iris Blackthorn (How to Find a Missing Girl), Diana (London on My Mind),

2. GAY/ LESBIAN REPRESENTATION

-gay: Wylan Van Eck (Six Of Crows, Grishaverse), Henry DuBois IV (The Diviners Series), Griffin Griff Jennings(History Is All You Left Me), Brendan and Winston (Shatter Me Series), Prince Henry- Henry George Edward James Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor of Wales(Red White&Royal Blue), Amir Azadi(How It All Blew Up), Charlie Spring (Heartstopper), Orion Pagan(The First To Die At The End), Valentino Prince (The First To Die At The End), Clark Huckleton(If I See You Again Tomorrow), Beau Dupont (If I See You Again Tomorrow), Baz Pitch-Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch (Simon Snow Trilogy), Reynolds ^ Bartholomew Brimsley (Queen Charlotte), James (The Law of Inertia), Ollie-Oliver (Only Mostly Devastated), Ronan Lynch (The Raven Cycle Series), Nico di Angelo (Percy Jackson Series), Emil Rey (Infinity Cycle Series- Infinity Son+ Infinity Reaper as for now), Nick Russo (We Could Be So Good), Mark Bailey (You Should Be So Lucky), Eddie O’Leary (You Should Be So Lucky), Kaleb (Louder Than Words), Kieran (Coffee Boy), Benjy (I Kissed Shara Wheeler), Rory Heron (I Kissed Shara Wheeler), Wes & Isaiah (One Last Stop), Simon Spier ( Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda), Alec Lightwood (The Mortal Instruments/The Shadowhunter Chronicles),

-lesbian: Arriane Alter (Fallen Series), Ling Chang (The Diviners Series), Tamar Kir-Bataar (Grishaverse-ShadowAndBone), Nadia Zhabin (Grishaverse-ShadowAndBone), Darcy Olsson (Heartstopper), Tara Jones (Heartstopper), Charlotte Thompson (Those Who Wait), Jane Su (One Last Stop), Georgia (I Kissed Shara Wheeler), Morgan Matthews (Some Girls Do),

2b. Non-Binary Representation

-Ben Benjamin De Backer (I Wish You All The Best)

-Theo Flowerday (The Pairing)

-Wyatt Fowler (The Feeling Of Falling In Love)

-Gem Echols (Godly Heathens)

-Jude Ricci(Okay, Cupid)

-Ash (I Kissed Shara Wheeler)

+please go read “Gender Euphoria“ by Laura Kate Dale

3. TRANSGENDER PEOPLE REPRESENTATION

- Wyatt Croft (The Witch King)

- Felix Love (Felix Ever After)

- Neil Kearney (The Feeling Of Falling In Love)

- Noah Byrd (The Borrow A Boyfriend Club)

-Enzo Truly (Godly Heathens)

-Gem Echols (Godly Heathens)

-Yadriel (Cemetery Boys)

-Huy Trinh(Okay, Cupid)

-Peter Darling/ Peter Pan (Peter Darling)

-Kieran (Coffee Boy)

-Niko (One Last Stop)

-Aaron (Some Girls Do)

-Otto Vandersteen (The Dark We Know)

-Valentina Castillo (Shatter Me Series)

+please go read “Gender Euphoria“ by Laura Kate Dale

4. ASTHMA REPRESENTATION

- Arthur Penhaligon (The Keys To The Kingdom Series)

4a. DISABLED CHARACTERS REPRESENTATION (AUTISM/OCD/MORE..)

Kaz Brekker & Jesper Fahey & Wylan Van Eck (Grishaverse-Six Of Crows), Genya Safin & David Kostyk(Grishaverse-Shadow And Bone), Ling Chang (The Diviners Series), Harper Carlisle (The Devouring Gray,The Deck Of Omens), Griffin (History Is All You Left Me) (OCD),

-! PLEASE READ Chloe Hayden-Different, Not Less-A Neurodivergent’s Guide to Embracing Your True Self and Finding Your Happily Ever After (especially for Autism/ADHD)

also for AUTISM : Jessie (Something More by Jackie Khalilieh), Harriet Manners (Geek Girl),

4b. EPILEPSY in Literature(Thank you for the list The Cameron Boyce Foundation)

-100 Sideways Miles by Andrew Smith

-The Idiot by Dostoevsky

-The Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

-Dings by Lance Fogan

-What the Wind Can Tell You by Sarah Marie A.Jette

-Mustaches for Maddie by Chad Morris and Shelly Brown

-When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead

-How Evan Broke His Head and Other Secrets by Garth Stein

-The Thing With Feathers by McCall Hoyle

- The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman

5. DIABETES REPRESENTATION

- Cassie Salazar (Purple Hearts)

6. ADHD REPRESENTATION

- Jesper Fahey (Six Of Crows, Grishaverse)

- Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series)

- Alex Claremont-Diaz (Red, White & Royal Blue)

- Theo Flowerday (The Pairing)

- Anne Shirley (Anne Of Green Gables Series)

-! PLEASE READ Chloe Hayden-Different, Not Less-A Neurodivergent’s Guide to Embracing Your True Self and Finding Your Happily Ever After (especially for Autism/ADHD)

+ How to ADHD: An Insider's Guide to Working with Your Brain-Jessica McCabe

7. DYSLEXIA/ DYSGRAPHIA REPRESENTATION

- Wylan Van Eck (Six Of Crows, Grishaverse)

- Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series)

- Rory Heron (I Kissed Shara Wheeler),

8. BLACK PEOPLE AS THE LEAD REPRESENTATION

-The Hate U Give- Angie Thomas

-Pride- Ibi Zoboi

-Beau Dupont (If I See You Again Tomorrow)

-Jesper Fahey(Grishaverse-Six Of Crows)

-Memphis Campbell(The Diviners Series)

-Jordyn Jones (Louder Than Words)

-Smith Parker (I Kissed Shara Wheeler)

8b. LATINX MAIN CHARACTERS-REPRESENTATION

Jude & Taryn Duarte (The Folk Of The Air Series starting with The Cruel Prince),

Alex Claremont-Diaz & June Claremont-Diaz (Red, White & Royal Blue),

Lila Reyes ( A Cuban Girl's Guide to Tea and Tomorrow ),

Infinity Son-Infinity Cycle Series, (many!)

This Is Why They Hate Us,

The First to Die at the End,

Rufus Emeterio (They Both Die At The End),

Cemetery Boys

9. THE PROTAGONIST WEARING GLASSES REPRESENTATION

-David Kostyk (Shadow And Bone/Grishaverse)

-Emma Morley (One Day)

-Lewis Barnavelt (Lewis Barnavelt Series)

-Harry Potter (Harry Potter Series)

-Mateo Torrez (They Both Die At The End)

-Elle Argent (Heartstopper)

-Dev Deshpande (The Charm Offensive)

-Mark Bailey (You Should Be So Lucky)

-August Landry (One Last Stop),

-Alex Claremont-Diaz (Red, White & Royal Blue),

10. MUSLIM REPRESENTATION

-A Very Large Expanse Of Sea/AVLEOS-Tahereh Mafi

-An Emotion Of Great Delight/AEOGD-Tahereh Mafi

-All My Rage-Sabaa Tahir

-An Ember In The Ashes Series-Sabaa Tahir

-How It All Blew Up-Arvin Ahmadi

-Other Words for Home-Jasmine Warga

-My Heart and Other Black Holes-Jasmine Warga

11. NARCISSISTIC/ABUSIVE PARENT REPRESENTATION

-Aaron Warner (Shatter Me Series)

-Adam Kent (Shatter Me Series)

-Wylan Van Eck (Six Of Crows, Grishaverse)

-Ness Arroyo / Eduardo Iron (Infinity Cycle Series-Infinity Son + Infinity Reaper + Infinity Kings)

-Evie O’Neill (The Diviners Series)

-Henry DuBois IV (The Diviners Series),

-Maxon Schreave (The Selection Series)

-Cardan Greenbriar (The Folk Of The Air Series)

-Jude Duarte (The Folk Of The Air Series)

-Sydney Sage (VA-Bloodlines)

-Adrian Ivashkov (Va-Bloodlines)

-Prince Kamran of Ardunia (This Woven Kingdom Series)

-James & Lydia Beaufort (Maxton Hall Trilogy, Save Me Series)

-Winter Young(Stars and Smoke & Icon and Inferno),

-Ridley Everlasting (Verona Comics),

+The Thief Lord-Cornelia Funke

+The Dark We Know-Wen-yi Lee

12. VEGAN REPRESENTATION

-Luce Lucinda Price (Fallen Series)

-Emil Rey (Infinity Cycle Series- Infinity Son+ Infinity Reaper + Infinity Kings)

-Bea (The Law of Inertia),

13. JEWISH PEOPLE REPRESENTATION

-Sam Lloyd/Sergei Lubovitch (The Diviners Series)

-Mabel Rose (The Diviners Series)

-Nora Holleran (Red, White & Royal Blue),

-Just One Day-Year-Night series by Gayle Forman

14. ASIAN PEOPLE REPRESENTATION

-Only a Monster by Vanessa Len

-The Diviners Series-Libba Bray

-James (The Law of Inertia),

-Kira-Kira-Cynthia Kadohata

-Memoirs of a Geisha-Arthur Golden

-The Dark We Know-Wen-yi Lee

15. LOSS/ GRIEF REPRESENTATION

-The Devouring Gray Duology-Christine Lynn Herman

-History Is All You Left Me + Infinity Cycle Series-Adam Silvera

-An Emotion of Great Delight-Tahereh Mafi

-The Diviners Series-Libba Bray

-Grishaverse-Leigh Bardugo

-Red, White & Royal Blue- Casey McQuiston

-The Pairing- Casey McQuiston

-The Shadow Of The Wind- C R Zafón

-They Both Die At The End + The First To Die At The End-Adam Silvera

-This Woven Kingdom Series- Tahereh Mafi

-One Day-David Nicholls

-Artemis Fowl Series-Eoin Colfer

-Airman-Eoin Colfer

-Fallen Series-Lauren Kate

-Anne Of Green Gables Series- Lucy M Montgomery

-Stars and Smoke & Icon and Inferno-Marie Lu

-London on My Mind-Clara Alves

-You Should Be So Lucky-Cat Sebastian

-Kira-Kira-Cynthia Kadohata

-As Long as the Lemon Trees Grow-Zoulfa Katouh

-The Dark We Know-Wen-yi Lee

15b. BAD MENTAL HEALTH/ DEPRESSION/ SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/SELF-HARM

-Shatter Me Series- Tahereh Mafi

-The Diviners Series-Libba Bray

-History Is All You Left Me-Adam Silvera

-They Both Die At The End + The First To Die At The End-Adam Silvera

-Infinity Son (and the rest of the Infinity Cycle Series)- Adam Silvera

-Grishaverse-Leigh Bardugo

-Red, White & Royal Blue- Casey McQuiston

-One Day- David Nicholls

-The Devouring Gray Duology-Christine Lynn Herman

-Vampire Academy & Bloodlines Series-Richelle Mead

-Unforgiven-Lauren Kate(From Fallen Series) WHOLE Fallen Series actually!

-An Emotion of Great Delight-Tahereh Mafi

-My Heart and Other Black Holes-Jasmine Warga

-The Law of Inertia-Sophie Gonzales

-Verona Comics-Jennifer Dugan

-Anne Of Green Gables Series-L M Montgomery

-Anna Karenina-Leo Tolstoy

-The Dark We Know-Wen-yi Lee

16. WRITERS/AUTHORS REPRESENTATION

-Anne Shirley (Anne Of Green Gables Series)

-Daniel Sempere (The Shadow Of The Wind-The Cemetery Of Forgotten Books Series)

-Julian Carax (The Shadow Of The Wind)

-Emma Morley (One Day)

-David Martin (The Angel’s Game-The Cemetery Of Forgotten Books Series)

-Memphis Campbell (The Diviners Series)

-Orion Pagan (The First To Die At The End)

-Prince Henry- Henry George Edward James Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor of Wales(Red White&Royal Blue)

17. FRIENDSHIP/ FOUND-FAMILY REPRESENTATION

-Shatter Me Series- Tahereh Mafi

-The Diviners Series-Libba Bray

-The Folk Of The Air Series-Holly Black

-Infinity Son (and the rest of the Infinity Cycle Series)- Adam Silvera

-GRISHAVERSE-Leigh Bardugo

-Artemis Fowl Series-Eoin Colfer

-Airman-Eoin Colfer

-Red, White & Royal Blue- Casey McQuiston

-The Devouring Gray Duology-Christine Lynn Herman

-Vampire Academy & Bloodlines Series-Richelle Mead

-Fallen Series- Lauren Kate

-The Thief Lord-Cornelia Funke

-The Keys To The Kingdom Series-Garth Nix

-The Supernaturalist-Eoin Colfer

-One Last Stop- Casey McQuiston

-I Kissed Shara Wheeler- Casey McQuiston

-I Wish You All The Best-Mason Deaver

-Anne Of Green Gables Series- Lucy M Montgomery

-The Outsiders- S. E. Hinton

-Just One Day & Year & Night-Gayle Forman

-The Midnight Palace- C. R. Zafón

-The Dark We Know-Wen-yi Lee

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awanderingdeal · 2 years ago

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This started off as me needing to get a a burrowing little headcanon out of my brain and what happened was emotion.

Katie is Logan's No. 1 fan. Fact.

"Goodnight, love you. See you tomorrow," Logan said, ending the call and setting his phone on the table.

That was it, nothing more to do, other than to turn up on the ice and try not to make an idiot out of himself when faced with old teammates. His still boyfriends. His still best friends. His still family. Alex had offered his spare room for Logan to sleep in, and perhaps staying up too late playing video games would have been easier, but mostly he'd just wanted to call and hear one last time from everybody that they wouldn't hate him if The Rangers won tomorrow.

He'd ended with Leo and Finn, of course. That phone call had lasted over an hour working to dissolve the final stubborn crystals of doubt.

As he heaved himself up from the sofa, his muscles already loosening at the thought of the hot shower he was about to take, the photo on the sideboard caught his eye. Katie.

Logan glanced at his watch. It was getting late.

Celeste answered the phone, not even putting up the mildest of protests when Logan asked to speak to Katie. "You just caught her," she said and Logan could hear the smile in her voice.

"Tremzy! I miss you," Katie squealed, her accent heavy with tiredness. Logan's heart shattered, melted and came back together all at once.

"Hey, my sweet girl. I miss you too. Are you coming to the game tomorrow? You know I'm going to be playing for -"

"I know you didn't want to change teams Tremzy. Papa said when you play hockey for a job it's different to when you for fun, like I do, and sometimes you don't get a choice what team you play. Like at school when the teacher picks the teams and you have to be with the mean girl who snatched the last piece of your favourite colour paper when you were making posters," Katie said, barely pausing for breath.

"Ouias, exactly," Logan chuckles. If he finds himself wanting to have a very strong word with an elementary school aged child, well, he'll keep that to himself. "Night, Katie. Dream sweet dreams."

His alarm goes off too early the next day, Logan felt like he just fell asleep. There was a quick morning practice followed by a final review of some footage, then team lunch. He manages to get a small nap and then his alarm is going off again. The bus is loud. It feels weird entering the stadium as a visitor - he knew the place like the back of his hand, but he'd never used this changing room. He can't help but picture the other one.

A tight ball curls up in his stomach as he approaches the ice. He's not felt this nervous since he was a rookie. The smooth surface works the same as usual though, feet gliding over the ice without even having to think about it. He catches the puck on the end of his stick with ease when Percy sends it his way. He looks up, and amongst the sea of Gryffindor jerseys, the bright blue Rangers jersey sticks out like a sore thumb.

Katie.

#sweater weather #vaincre spoilers #lumosinlove #logan tremblay #katie dumais #coast to coast #vaincre

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ameliterature · 3 years ago

Text

Neil and Todd Jealousy POV (Yes, there's more)

Charlie POV | Cameron POV

Neil was an only child and this obviously came with minor character flaws. Not only was he given all of the attention by his parent (even if it was the bad kind) Neil never really had to share anything.

Not that he didn't want to share. He just never had many opportunities to, with the lack of siblings and all. The closest he had to a sibling was Charlie. Unlike Neil, Charlie would share everything with him because he had so much to give. Was it the fact that Charlie's family was rich and that he has at least 3 of each item? Maybe, but Charlie was sure to share what he had with his best friend.

Another thing Neil "the Welton Golden boy" Perry had as a flaw was that he simultaneously wore his heart on his sleeve and yet always tried to hide his feelings. Case in point: when Charlie made a move on Todd.

Now, it's only been roughly 2 semesters since they've known Todd Anderson. Neil had the gracious chance to be his roommate, so in some way, it was like having another best friend aside from Charlie. But what he felt for Todd was vastly different from his friendship with Charlie. Something about the way Todd smiled at him, something about the way he makes sarcastic remarks, something about the way they shared glances between each other every now and then.

Neil was completely enthralled by Todd. Some might say to the point of being possessive. Neil would say protective because Todd was the kind of person who needed to be kept safe. Todd wasn't good at standing up for himself, he wasn't good at speaking the same way he wrote poems. Neil took it upon himself to be the one to make Todd feel the included. He had to be included, he had to be where Neil was.

Thankfully the whole Dead Poet Society thing worked out well, Neil was surprised how well Todd was integrated into the group. They even spent Christmas break as a group with Todd. Things were going great between him and Todd, Neil couldn't ask for more than to share his experiences with Todd.

But one night, a regular ole Study group session, something caught Neil's eyes. Todd was helping Knox out with some love poem, obviously meant for Chris, and he could hear the contents of the poem.

"Hymns from above casted when you're near

Heaven's light shine atop a golden-haired angel

My heart's full of whims and vivid dreams

but in your presence they're obligations I hold close

Be mine and I'll keep your heart guarded

Because mine is with yours, unthwarted."

Neil hears Todd recite their draft poem, hearing it as if it were meant for him to hear. His own golden-haired angel was biting the end of his pencil as Knox was scribbling the rest of the poem. Neil catches himself staring just before Todd looks up at him so he brings his attention back to the trigonometry problem he was answering with Cameron.

He couldn't concentrate on sine, cosine, and tangents at the moment, not when Todd's hand is in his peripheral view; all perfect with it's blemishes and tapping to an imaginary beat. Every so often, he'd steal a glance at Todd's eyes, darting back and forth from his paper to Knox's. He'd be jealous of any pupil Todd would eventually have if he became an English teacher. To be consulted with his sweet voice, to be seated by him as he explains anything, to be taught how to express feelings he wasn't sure how to jot down.

Oh have Todd's untampered attention.

"Hey Todd," Charlie's voice resonates across their small table. Neil accidentally shot his eyes to his friend's direction without skipping a beat. "Mind helping me out with a poem too?"

Since when did Charlie ever ask for help from Todd? Not that he wasn't allowed to or anything, Todd was the right person for this task but-- Something about it wasn't sitting right with Neil.

What wasn't a surprise was Todd's hesitant acceptance. He watched as Todd moved over to Charlie's right hand side and Neil felt his back become warm. It wasn't just his back, his guts turned into an unrested sea, and his eyebrows twitched, trying to avoid a scowl.

"What do you wanna write about?"

"I wanna write about Love." Neil saw Charlie lean forward to look Todd deep into his eyes; for a moment, he thought he saw Todd blush. Neil didn't like Todd showing that expression to someone else, or at least someone like Charlie.

"S-So... We'll use cosine to get X--" Cameron muttered, snapping Neil back to his assignment. He looked at the blurred numbers and symbols, trying to remember what the other problem was.

"Right, cosine-"

Just before dinner, Neil catches up with Todd to walk with him to the dining hall.

"So," Neil started, not exactly sure where to lead the conversation to. "I guess it's spaghetti and meatballs again, huh?"

Todd pushed out a chuckle in response. "Yeah, I guess it is."

Neil had Todd to himself for a tiny moment, for a stupid one-liner too, but it felt like he was in Cloud nine. Todd's calm expression was all he could ask for, paired with his blue eyes looking back at him.

When they reached their table, they assumed their usual spots, Neil being on the left side of the table and Todd on the other. However, Charlie decided to change up the seating arrangement and sat beside Todd instead of him.

There's that funny feeling again. Neil's stomach was nothing but a pit that resembled a deep well without a bucket, nothing to retrieve and remove the sludge that was forming in it. He hated how Todd was so responsive to Charlie's words, how Charlie was so capable of making Todd blush, he hated the sight of Todd rubbing elbows with Charlie as they ate. Neil wasn't sure why he was feeling this way, why he even thought something innocent between Charlie and Todd could make him so agitated. It could all be his imagination.

When Todd left for the bathroom, Neil decided to interrogate his best friend.

"Hey Charlie, why the sudden change of seating arrangement? Thought I was your cute best friend." He tried to sound like his usual self.

"Well, I'm trying to get closer to Todd."

"W-what? Why?" Neil felt his voice crack, much like his confidence.

"I dunno, he's pretty cute. Don't you agree?"

"I--" Neil felt his whole body stiffen, his hand tightened it's pressure on his spoon like a clamp.

"I'm thinking of asking him out soon. No one else seems interested." Neil saw it, he saw Charlie smirk. Neil's emotions became unreasonably irrational, they became unhinged and even if he tried to hide it, they were all bubbling to the surface. Charlie had everything already, he and Neil shared everything before this, but for some reason, Neil couldn't share Todd with someone like Charlie.

"Oh hi, Todd! Welcome back" Neil glares at Charlie while he greets Todd.

"What did I miss?" Todd asks innocently, still taking his seat beside Charlie.

As Charlie began his sentence, Neil cuts him off. "Nothing-" Todd shifts his eyes to share eye contact with Neil. "By the way, we should head back to our room, I need help with my poems." Neil's last attempt of gaining the upper hand on Charlie failed when Charlie brought up his and Todd's prior arrangement.

Neil didn't get it. What did Charlie have that he didn't? Or better yet, what does Charlie not possess yet that he would try to make the moves on Todd?? Neil hated this feeling- this vicious vine-like feeling trapping him. Was it... Jealousy?

Neil's never had much of a reason to be jealous about someone before. He's only been jealous of people who were freer than him-- people like Charlie. Was he jealous of Charlie in that regard? That he could proudly express what he felt for Todd and Neil couldn't? He guessed that was the difference. Charlie did have everything; down to the personality that could make Todd fall for him.

Neil was in Meeks' dorm room, resigning himself in defeat like a pathetic loser he thought he was.

All Neil could do was blankly stare into the shine of the wires that coiled around parts of their machine. A brief knock on their door broke his trance- It was Cameron.

“Do you guys mind if I hang out here? I’m just gonna do my reviewers for a bit.”

“Sure, no problem.” Meeks nods, still measuring out some amount of wires.

“Wait, how come you’re not studying in your room?” Neil questioned,

Cameron took a moment to respond. “Charlie… he wanted to focus on his homework with Todd… Alone.”

This was the last straw for Neil, the final push that made him stand up for once. He couldn't bury his jealousy anymore, he had to confront Charlie.

He left his friends to march his way to Charlie's room. He wasted no time when asking Charlie about his motives.

"Well hello, Perry! What do I owe the pleasure?"

"Quit it-" Neil cuts him off. "Are you serious about Todd?"

"... What?"

"I- I'm asking if you're really interested in Todd?"

Maybe this was all a trick, maybe Neil was just being jealous, maybe Charlie was playing a cruel joke on Neil and he had to shake it out of him.

"Yes." Charlie's expression was ripe with confidence.

With that, Neil felt his world shatter. What was he doing? Was he gonna fight his friend over his feelings for Todd? Was he gonna deny Todd of someone as fun and as romantic as Charlie? Charlie's given so much to Neil and the way he was acting was nothing short of being selfish.

If Charlie really liked Todd, then Todd would be lucky. If Todd would return those feelings, Charlie would be the luckiest man to ever live.

Neil had nothing to offer to Todd that Charlie couldn't top. Neil felt his bitter feelings turn into catharsis, accepting that Todd's better off sharing his moments with Charlie than him.

"T-then... Please take care of him, okay?" Neil buckled his shoulders.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"If you ever hurt Todd-- You're a dead man, got it?" Neil's eyes were like daggers, piercing right at Charlie's own brown eyes.

"R-right..."

Neil figured he had to leave, he couldn't bear to see Todd and Charlie exchanging looks. But this of course wasn't the case. A knock echoed in the room.

When he opened the door, Todd was right there, his beautiful eyes staring up at Neil will a quizzical expression.

Neil assumed that Charlie would most likely profess his love to those eyes, and that knowledge broke Neil's heart.

"Sorry Todd, looks like I'm gonna have to move our study session for now. I think Neil needs your help more. Right, Neil?" Charlie spoke, catching Neil's bewildered expression.

"I'm sure he's got something more important than mine anyway."

Neil looks at Charlie and Todd, bouncing a confused face between them. He sees Charlie's wink before Todd guides Neil out of the room.

Todd sighs as he returns to his room with Neil, his sweaty hands in the midst of sticking to his papers.

How did he end up in this situation?

How could he explain the entire day?

It all started when he told Charlie about his crush on Neil in private. All he wanted was advice from the best friend of his crush and nothing more.

"Glad you came to me, Toddsie!" Charlie pats him on the back excitedly.

Todd didn't like how enthusiastic Charlie was being in this situation, though he was grateful Charlie immediately accepted him for coming out.

"I know exactly how to make him fall in love with you!"

"L-look Charlie, I'm not trying to get Neil to like me! I just-- I just wanted to know how to deal with all these feelings I'm having."

All these feelings- Todd's had these "feelings" ever since Neil shook his hand for the first time in the courtyard. He's never met someone as perfect as Neil. Yeah, he had Father Issues, impulsive actions, even the tendency to make weird noises (but he found those the cutest) and yet Neil made Todd's world move.

Neil's laughter, Neil's smile, the stolen glances he catches Neil casting his direction-- It was all Todd sought after in his recent days at Welton.

"Oh please, Todd, those 'feelings' are straight up love from what I hear. We just have to know if Neil feels the same way!"

"We don't even know if he's interested in men! Charlie- What am I supposed to do?" Todd buried his face into his hands.

"Don't worry, I'll find out a way to not only check if he swings that way, but I can guarantee I can get him to return your feelings."

"That-- That doesn't make any sense, Charlie." Todd wasn't able to question his friend any longer as they dashed into the study hall.

The Study group went on as usual, Todd assisting Knox with his poem for Chris, Meeks and Pitts building a contraption he was sure was the Radio Mark II, and Neil, Cameron and Charlie trying to answer some trigonometry homework.

What didn't help was Neil being directly in front of him. Todd could see Neil in his glasses, unabashedly handsome and very distracting. Todd would try his best to help Knox with his poem but Todd's eyes would linger onto Neil's perfectly "framed" face.

He then hears Charlie call him over. At first, Todd didn't think much of it, but he soon regrets ever telling Charlie of his crush on Neil.

The whole evening, Charlie tried to make Neil jealous without planning it out with Todd first. If Todd had at least known, he wouldn't have been trying picture Neil in Charlie's place as some sort of "method acting" to go along with this scheme. When dinner began, Charlie took Cameron's spot for 'maximum efficiency'. It didn't help when Charlie called him "cute" in front of Neil. Would Neil agree? Would Neil even describe a guy to be cute? Would Todd be able to enjoy his spaghetti and meatballs without Charlie's arm around him?

Todd decided that he should excuse himself to the bathroom for compose himself. (And to evade the plethora of compliments Charlie showered him with.)

When it came from Charlie, it felt like a joke, like a friendly description, really, than an actual compliment. Then Todd thinks if they came from Neil... then those words would make him swoon.

Would Neil even fall for this type of trick? Was it even right to trick Neil like this? Would Neil be even okay with the idea of Todd being in a relationship in with a man? He wasn't even sure if Neil would accept Todd's feelings, let alone feel jealous of Charlie.

As Todd approached their table, he's immediately greeted by Charlie.

"What did I miss?"

"Well Todd--" "Nothing." Neil cuts of Charlie with a serious tone.

Oh no... did Neil find out? Did Charlie rat him out already?

"By the way, we should head back to our room, I need help with my poems." Neil looks up at Todd with an expression that is both deadpan and attractive to him, Todd had no other choice but to accept.

"What? Todd, I thought you'd help me out?" Charlie pouts. "I did ask first." Todd didn't want to miss his opportunity to be with Neil, especially not when he looks at him like that. But Todd looks back at Charlie, raising his eyebrows as if to say "Just go along with it."

Todd was reluctant, of course, he didn't want to perpetuate fooling Neil in any way, but he wasn't sure if Neil had anything to return at all. They were always alone after all, nothing would be stripped away if he spent one evening in Charlie's room to make Neil jealous.

"Right, sorry, Neil. I'll go back to our room after I help out Charlie." Todd replied with a pained expression hidden behind his face.

That evening, when he approached Charlie's room, he hears Neil's voice muffling through. Todd wished had the will to listen in but he assumed it wouldn't be his business if it was said behind closed doors. He took another moment before knocking on Charlie's door.

Neil opens the door for Todd, their eyes meeting briefly, like a celestial occurrence that Todd took note of. Have they always been this brown?

"Hi Todd!" Charlie greets him, breaking him from Neil's gaze.

"Hey Charlie, Hi Neil."

He was expecting Charlie to pull another stunt to make Neil's brown eyes angry, but instead both his and Neil's eyes lifted in surprise when Charlie told him Neil needed his help more.

Did they come to some agreement?

And Todd could've sworn Charlie was winking at Neil... or was it at him?

All these questions didn't matter when they were alone in their room.

Their chests rattled like cages, their hearts ready to jump out at any moment.

Neil bit his lip as Todd took a seat by his desk.

"S-so Neil..." Todd muttered, "Can I ask you something? B-before I help you with your poem..."

"Oh- Yeah, sure."

"What do you think of... of men dating each other?"

Neil lets out a tiny cough. "W- Excuse me?"

"Do you think... it's ok? For two guys to like each other?"

Neil wasn't sure how to respond, was Todd telling him that he liked Charlie? Was Neil too late? Did he miss his chance to tell Todd what he really felt?

"I-- I guess it's alright," Neil answered, slumping his shoulders down in defeat. If he was gonna lose Todd to Charlie, he might as well be supportive. "But- you have to make sure it's the right person." Neil wasn't going down without a fight though.

Todd's face brightened with Neil's response. So 1 part of his query is answered; Neil is ok with the idea of men liking each other. Now it's the question of Neil's feelings for Todd.

"I-If someone, a guy, liked you, how would you feel?" Todd stood up, turning to face Neil. Both of them were by their desks, like two sturdy posts defending their base. Todd awaited Neil’s response with the anticipation akin to a war officer in a meeting room.

"I... would really only prefer it from one guy." Neil took a step forward, with the courage of a powerful Chesspiece during an endgame.

Todd took note of this, mimicking his step, this time walking a bit closer to Neil with his hands in his pockets. "Y-yeah? Who?"

Neil noted this feeling being similar to a spelling bee, like spelling out a complicated word letter by letter, taking a breath to make sure the next thing he was about to say was exactly what the world wanted him to say.

"You, Todd. It's always going to be you."

Todd looks up at Neil, who's now inches away from him from, fully realizing their slight height difference. "I'd say the same for you."

"I hope... I'm not... taking you away from Charlie-" Neil slowly brings his hand to sweep Todd’s hair aside to see his eyes better.

Todd snickers slightly, catching Neil by surprise. "Neil... You don't have to worry about Charlie. I don't have any feelings for him."

"But-" Neil looks concerned, feeling like he betrayed Charlie. "He... He likes you. Todd, I--"

"Is that what he told you? Neil... I hope you won't be angry when I tell you he's been pulling your leg."

Neil jerks his head backwards. "What?"

"I.. Just promise you won't be angry okay?" Todd had to come clean, he couldn’t handle Neil thinking badly of him if he never admitted Charlie's plan. Neil nods before Todd reveals Charlie’s idiotic scheme to get them together by means of tomfoolery.

Neil sighs with a smile, leaning forward to rest on Todd's shoulder. Todd was still getting used to the fact Neil's VERY close right now.

"Well, you guys did a pretty good job of making me extremely jealous." Neil laughs a bit. He was in relief that he didn't need to compete with Charlie.

"I'm... I'm really sorry, Neil. I told him I just wanted advice." Todd looks down with embarrassment.

Neil tilts Todd’s chin up with his hand, bringing his face up to look at him. "You're gonna have to make up for it, y'know?"

Todd’s face simmered under Neil's touch. "I know."

Todd learned that Neil was a Jealous type of guy, not the type to be possessive, but definitely the type to mope around rather than steal someone else's love interest.

Luckily for Neil, he already had Todd’s heart to begin with.

Neil wasn’t used to sharing, but he and Todd shared their first kiss that night. That's a compromise he was willing to do.

Bonus:

Knox, Meeks and Pitts POV:

4 of their friends (the roommates) getting paired up in one night made them:

Thanks again to @sweettodd for that one post that spawn all these POVs haha

Taglist: @anderperrytheplatypus @she-nuwanda @andersonsdeskset @sweetnessbythesea @maisietheweltoncow [tell me if u wanna be added/removed next time]

#anderperry #anderperry fic #yes it's another #jealousy trope #Neil and Todd #POV!#anderperry one shot #dead poets society #anderperry fanfic #fanfic #dps #dead poets society fanfic #dps fic

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sprinklesandshatters · 3 years ago

Text

A Review on NCT 127′s 3rd Album <Sticker>

So NCT 127 just came back with their 3rd Full Album <Sticker> and this is my first 127 comeback since I became a fan last year! Neozone is such a special album for me as it was their first album that I explored entirely. I've known NCT as the group who never fails any expectations so I've kept mine up although I know they'll exceed it anyway. And guess what, they did! I absolutely love their new album hence this review~

This isn't a technical music review—as I am not a musician myself—but rather a listener's honest takes, goofy notes, and interpretation on each of the tracks in the album. I admit I've also struggled to build my own opinions on some of the tracks until I listened to them over and over again.

I have also heard there are mixed opinions on the title track <Sticker> and a lot says it's another acquired taste. But I think it's not just that, as it can be a grower, just like how most of NCT's songs were for me. Maybe after a few listens and a right passage of time, it will grow on those people. The bottom line here is, I like it a lot! 😛

So I listed down the songs according to their respective track numbers and followed each with a bulleted list of my opinions and interpretations.

(Viewer/reader discretion: before you continue, minors, do not interact as there are few 18+ contents under the cut. Thank you.)

1. Sticker

THEY DIDN'T JUST PUNCH A NEW NOTCH ON THE BELT LIKE THAT

THIS SONG SLAPS, LITERALLY SLAPS… AND WHIPS

The recorder at the intro boyyyy I thought something was wrong but then I remember it’s NCT lmao

It already stuck in my head from my first listen from the Instagram audio.

With Taeyong opening the verse with his divine rapping, I knew I'm in for a new ride.

STICK-UH STICK-UGH STICK-UGHGHGH

To those complaining it sounding like noise music, imagine it sounding generic. I don't think it would fit as the title track. Not a b-track or in their repertoire, even. They are called NCT because they define the NEO in the music culture and music technology!

It honestly was an unorthodox, just like all of their title tracks, which I’m inherently here for.

Literally, no one does it like them!

The growls and the vocal flexes and adlibs! (You can tell it has Yoo Youngjin's brand.)

The crisp metronome sound that’s consistently ticking except for the pre-chorus and the dance break adds depth to the soundscape. I love how it’s used instead of the usual snaps.

The production quality blew my mind. Like how can someone think those melodies would sound so exquisite? CAN I CALL THEM GENIUS?

The piano at the back, oh my God—Yes! It adds this mystifying element to the song.

I'm not sure if it's a midi violin at the pre-chorus, but it added thrill to the song. It was a great transition from the bass line in the verses to the combination of the flawless harmony with the same instrumental.

"You treat me like a boy, like a grown-up child chasing a dream" JUNGWOO BABY NO MORE HUH

Taeil, Doyoung, and Haechan—the bridge vocal trinity!

But why the heck are they cowboys? I dig the concept, but why? LMAO

BTW GUNSLINGER MARK I’M ON MY KNEES YEEHAW

This is easily one of my favorite tracks from NCT 127's entire discography 💚

2. Lemonade

(⌐■_■)

Jaehyun starting off this song with his deep voice eee

The song opens to a verse oozing with chill confidence. They're like, yeah you're lurking because we’re cool.

This is such a huge slap to their haters. NCT's not chillin' like a villain, nah they're the main characters!

Well maybe they’re villains, but still ya not cooler than them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Funny enough how they could have just referred haters as simply lemons whose sour/bitter to the taste, but 127 squad's success is sweeter than all the haters' spiteful remarks so yeah, SIPPY SIPPY LEMONADE 🧃

"WOOF"

I might have just barked too wOW

Yuta’s vocals hooooO his voice just sounds so glamorous mhmm

Also Mark referencing their previous title tracks such as: Firetruck, Cherry Bomb, and Regular (it's Irregular in the lyrics) in his rap part 👌💅

I just love Mark's energy when he raps. HE RESOLUTELY BITES AND STRAIGHT UP EATS EVERY TIME HE DOES.

3. Breakfast

Now breakfast time, oh jeez!

AAAHAHFU—

Summer 127's bestie!

If Summer 127 talks about dancing all night long, Breakfast is the morning after.

You know what it is.

"Even if I gulp and drink you, it's not enough for me." oho Taeyong no you ha—STOP

Sexual innuendos aside, isn't it just sweet if someone tells you they'd want to have breakfast with you every day? Okay maybe I'm melting at the thought 😩🙈💞

And I can see myself dancing to this song as I make breakfast (in the afternoon or at midnight bc I’m crazy)

This was an okay b-track for me at the first skim on the album, but boy it grew on me wildly.

Honestly one of my favorite tracks in this album.

4. Focus

Did I just invade a private call? LMAO

The analog voice filters make it like so.

Dude, this feels intimate in the level of eavesdropping a phone call between seasoned lovers. Then you realize you hear them whispering their kinks over the line and you're ooh, that's sexy! hfgklhfhf

My first listen to this, I almost went feral because,

"I can't wait to eat you…" when it's actually "I can't wait 'til we chill…" aahaha

"Baby call me when you want me." OKAY!

This sounds relaxing and chill. I'd love to play this on a late night drive or just before bed time along with Fly Away With Me, Sun & Moon, My Youth, and Long Flight.

Belongs to ‘make out session’ playlist ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

That was lowkey a playlist recommendation, huh?

I'd be kidding if I don't say I could touch myself while listening to this song AHAHAFGHFJFJ

I didn't know this would grow on me this much lol I love love LOVE THIS!

5. The Rainy Night

Ooh, the holy melancholy!

Piano at the intro—I knew I'd cry to this.

This song isn't just about break-up, but the heartbreak after one.

The yearning; the remnant pieces from the shattering of what was once there.

I think I crumbled from this one.

This hit so hard I felt like I fit in the shoes with the lyrics throughout the entire song.

What’s fascinating is I clearly forgot the title when I mentally said this sounds like a sad rainy day song from the first listen.

Something I’d turn up when it suddenly rains, just because I want to feel the blues.

Taeil and Haechan singing in lower register? I wanna cry :( they’re just one of the best vocalists in K-music industry right now.

Could have been also nice if they added Yuta to the vocals.

"My selfish heart who waits for you to come back," OKAY WHO HURT THEM?

And the fact that they sang it so good that it translated every ounce of the emotions well even before I looked up for English translations is the reason why I love this song too.

6. Far

Hmm… What the hell?! Do I like this? Wait...

Alright!

The jumpy vibe from the first verse to the pre-chorus set the mood for this song. It sounds merry and heavy. It was honestly too much to take until I’ve reached the chorus part.

Honestly, I think this song could fit NCT Dream better, as it gives off a vibe similar to Hello Future's b-tracks. If some credible source say this could have made HF’s track list, I might believe you too fast.

Also Dream’s Deja Vu where they go na nananananana na na na~

Playful yet confident! That’s what I mean!

As usual, the vocals are insane! Vocal flex from left to right!

I swear Jungwoo sounded a bit like Taemin at the second verse that I had to replay it hahaha

I love hearing Johnny as a vocalist! SM, how many signs do you need until you utilize his vocal talent???

Taeil's part where he sings, "go nuts, go nuts, 'til we go bust, go bust" IDEK BUT I SNORTED A LAUGH AT FIRST LISTEN HFCAHKFHK

Not my favorite, but still great though!

But wait it’s actually stuck in my head???

7. Bring The Noize

Yes, they never beat those noise music allegations

HERE'S SOME NOIZE, BITCHES

I love me some noisy percussions. AND THE BASS YO

This screams so much confidence!

The build up from the pre-chorus to the chorus—FIRE!

This song reminds me a lot of SuperM's Super Car, especially with the engine roar samples and the battle cry-like singing at the chorus.

JAEHYUN RAPPING? You mean Jaehyun the visual, the vocalist, the actor, the model, the funny dude, aka my everything?! (markie bb look pls look away for a moment)

THEY DELIVERED IT STRAIGHT FROM NEOCITY THAT'S SOME NCT MUSIC RIGHT THERE NO ONE DOES IT LIKE THEM

When I said I'd play Focus on a late night drive, and if I add this in the playlist, VROOM VROOM SPEED LIMIT WHAT

OUTTA MY WAY

“We got no shame” ouh TAEYONG’S FLOW IS JUST VERY HIM AND HE’S IN A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN

You know what's so clever about this song? It's how it ended with Mark's final rap without any instrumental, leaving you standing there with a doppler effect-like post experience.

A super car on a super speed just whooshed past you and you look its way as it zips through the road. It's gone in an instant but you're floored dumbfounded at a sidewalk. That's how I describe this song.

8. Magic Carpet Ride

This song… Wow. Oh gosh it's so beautiful.

Their harmony in the chorus—it makes me want to kiss someone so passionately that I'd cry.

This makes me want to feel love that transcends the universe. Literally, just please take me on a magic carpet ride :(

The background harmonies too oh my goodness—HEAVENLY.

Jaehyun's voice is so warm and soulful it fits perfectly with songs of this genre.

Okay alright Doyoung Grande!

And Taeil makes me feel like I'm listening to old school R&B.

The first time I heard this from the track video, I can't stop replaying because it's just that great.

This makes me want to love. I think that sums it up.

9. Road Trip

This is such a soothing song for me, especially how I easily become nostalgic thinking about the road trips I've had.

Whenever I listen to this, my brain immediately conjures up thoughts of my ideal getaways. Gazing at the sky through the car window, stirring up from a nap in the middle of the ride, and eventually reaching your destination.

Oh, to travel around anywhere... (curse you covid-19)

Okay that's it. I'M PACKING UP.

But where do I go—

I could also imagine Mark playing this on the guitar and the other members sing along together, something like that.

Just Wholesome™ vibes.

I love how it evokes such a nice emotion within me effortlessly.

This isn't my favorite, but I still love this.

10. Dreamer

Eyyyy such a refreshing song!

This song is so bright it makes me want to dance. I play this first in the shower!

It reminds me so much of Elevator (from Neozone)

The horns make it more lively I think!

Yuta and Jungwoo's voice suits lively songs like this.

The background vocal in low register in Taeyong's part in the first verse is so good ahhfhf

Taeil, the R&B vocal king you are...

There's this part where Doyoung and Johnny harmonized, that at first listen they seemed to clash, but it sounded actually fine after a few listens. Maybe it's just that I've never heard them do it before.

And I think it's Doyoung's laugh at the end of the bridge? Oh my goodness I really love this too!

11. Promise You

MY FIRST LOVE AND MOST FAVORITE SONG IN THE ALBUM!!!

The first time I heard this from their NCIT Sharehouse Sitcom, I fell in love with the song already.

It sounds like something you'd feel from a warm, welcoming hug.

The lyrics are so beautiful and endearing. It's definitely a be-there-for-you type of song that will touch your heart.

It definitely sounds like a promise.

A song about platonic intimacy.

This really fits to be the closing song of the album. It's like the end of it but holds a promise that says “see you soon.”

Because they cherish their fans like that.

It's also like I've watched a movie with a happy ending, where the camera pans up to the clear sky and this song starts playing.

Speaking of ending, I would love to hear them sing this as an encore stage in their concert. You know, that moment just before the stage lights die down at the end of the concert where they send final blows of flying kisses to NCTzens. Then you come home smiling and crying.

This wasn't supposed to be this long since I originally planned to write this with just simple phrases and emojis but I got too engrossed lol. I also meant to include my own ratings but I figured it’s pointless since I can’t really decide about them hahaha

I really enjoyed the whole album and I love how they're progressively defining what NEO means by breaking through standards. It's not NCT music if it doesn't make you say "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" But then you realize it’s stuck in your head and you’re enjoying it already.

✨ OVERALL RATING: 127/10 💚

if you’ve reached until here, thank you for letting me share you a braincell or two 💞

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creativeashproductions · 4 years ago

Text

Permanence // Luke Patterson

Summary: On the run for most of her life the reader had been accustomed to being a lone wolf in world with eyes everywhere. Living in the age of technology and life online makes it hard for a girl stuck in a permanent state at nineteen physically. All things change when the reader moves next door to a healing teenager and her ghostly band.

Warning: Swearing, loss of death, talk of injuries/hospital, angst, and fluff

Words: 5.1k (yikes)

A/N: Loosely based on the film Age of Adaline. Also includes a scene using the BBC show Call the Midwife as well. I’ve been MIA due to this fic. I love it.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX PLEASE!

Masterlist

The love tingled in your lips as the taxi pulled away from the curb leaving behind the white-haired woman. Your hand raised to wave as the woman turned into a speck in the review mirror but never far from your heart and thoughts.

“Going on a trip?” The taxi driver questioned taking a right turn with a jarring sensation. His brown eyes speedily meeting yours, “Does your mom grandma live in San Francisco?”

A mournful smile appeared on the wrinkle-free complexion, “Something like that.”

The reply didn’t faze the driver in a big city he had chosen to make his living with for his family, he had heard worse. The airport reared its head with the big heavily populated by tourists and loud machinery of transport.

The royal blue wool jacket concealed the black blouse tucked into the grey, and black tartan fitted trousers. Paired with the black velvet kitten heels that had been in your possession for a very long time. Hair left down in the soft waves and makeup natural for the plane right.

The flight was over quickly for the young woman with her carry on, and purse collected you immediately headed to baggage claim. The suitcase was easy found and lifted off the conveyor belt with little trouble. Your expressive eyes finding the taxi, some may call you old fashioned for not ‘ubering’, but it was a nostalgic action.

“Where to?” The taxi driver asked with pretty blue eyes shadowed by the crows’ feet at the corner’s of her eyes. Swiftly you listed off the address to the house you had bought with your vast savings, “Half hour ride.”

You settled back into the leather seat as the city passed by with the memories staunchly kept in a locked box escaping. Los Angeles had been the location of the only family trip you had had in your late teens.

Los Angeles, 1936

“Darling! This Samuel, he owns the restaurant up the beach.” Theodore’s bright white smile gleamed as he returned to your side, “He’s personally invited us to celebrate the first night of our life together.

The pleated cark charcoal pants held up with black suspenders snuggle atop the button-down shirt of denim blue colour. The shirt left with the top two buttons undone revealing the white undershirt. Shiny polished black shoes on Theodore’s feet he was dressed as perfect as the day he caught your runaway hat.

“Oh, thank you.” You told the shy man as he led you up to the well-known restaurant with the gorgeous view of the water.

Samuel went further by providing his best table in the house, leaving the host annoyed at the interruption. The dinner was spent with Theodore listing off the itinerary for the week in the city. From visiting the museums to watching a film at the Los Angeles Theatre recommended by Theodore’s connection from work.

“You like to share a dessert Darling?” Theodore asked tenderly holding your soft hand in his smooth one. His smile never faded as you declined his offer satisfied with the large meal from the five-course dinner.

“I’d much prefer the comfort of our hotel room.” Your lips ended the words with a smile that paired well with the glittering eyes. Theodore’s heart expanded as his wife’s smile, he had fallen in love with first.

“The hotel placed a nice bottle of champagne in our room,” Theodore spoke once the bill was taken care of. He pulled your chair out to help you slip on the navy blue wool jacket on from the back of your chair, “You are absolutely beautiful.”

“Still as charming as ever.” You whispered gazing up at him with such love.

You had loved Theodore from the first chaperoned date at sixteen with the handsome eighteen-year-old that had saved your hat. The wind that day had been unbearable as you walked the beach of San Francisco with your mother. At seventeen, you wed; a mere few days previous. Theodore came from a well-off family but worked as an engineer for the city.

“We’re here.” The taxi driver spoke as the car pulled to a stop at a pretty house painted a blue with white accents.

Mumbling a thank you the driver took off once your belongings found ground on the sidewalk and the fare paid. The house door unlocked with a click revealing the furnishing you had sent and hired a company to build. The boxes of personal belongings had arrived in boxes the previous day and awaited unpacking.

The first order of business on your to-do list was changing the locks as well as testing the safety alarm. The next few hours you unpacked your kitchen and clothing as the locksmith took his time finishing up previous appointments.

Your hand hovered over the oval golden framed photo of your wedding day with Theodore with a smile on both your faces. You didn’t look a day older than the day you married Theodore even if it had been so long. The familiar clench at the sight of the man happened every time you saw the photo.

“You’d be so proud of Rosie.” Your index finger caressed the elegant picture of your first love with a mournful emotion.

Pulled from the sad memories as the doorbell rang signalling the arrival of the locksmith. The appointment was swift before you finished unpacking the living room from the bookcase to the picture frames. As the minute handle circled the clock face, you settled in for the simple meal.

“Tea on the porch.” You sighed curling into the cherry red Adirondack chair in the front porch watching as children went inside their houses.

It wasn’t how you had anticipated your life dreaming of a life with a family in a lovely home. You never expected to live in fear for your life, and your child’s as the second World War reared its ugly head. You never envisioned having to move every few years to keep safe. Lastly, you had never foreseen watching Rosie’s hair turn white before your own. You thought you’d be buried beside your husband after a long life. So far, it had been too long at this point with your childhood friends all dead.

“Hi.” The voice of a teenage girl spoke. Your gaze left your lukewarm tea for the girl at the bottom of your porch.

Strands of her curly textured hair pulled away from her face it revealed her clear tawney complexion. The most expressive brown eyes framed with thick lashes that took your breath away with the kindness in them.

“You just moved in right?” The girl asked as you climbed down the steps to the younger teenager, “I’m Julie Molina, I live next door.”

“Hello Julie, I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” You spoke, shaking the extended hand of the young girl inspecting her.

Her fashion was obviously of the current time whereas your own style was a mixture of different eras. The style fits in but touches to bring in the past decades you had lived through.

“Where are your parents?” Julie asked with a furrowed brow.

“I live alone.” You replied sighing as the confusion flashed in the younger teen’s eyes before you elaborated, “I’m nineteen. I bought the house, my parents live in my home state.”

They weren’t living, but they were buried in the cemetery with the other family members that had since passed. Unless a freak accident happened, your plot near your husband wouldn’t be filled. The only person who knew the truth was Rosie, she was your daughter.

“Wow! That’s cool.” Julie beamed glancing over her shoulder as her phantom friends poofed in behind her.

The sudden appearance startled you and while it was confusing you had become well acquainted with weird. You hadn’t aged a day since a stormy night on the country roads in 1938 heading to pick up Rosie. You barely flinched at the appearance.

“Oh damn, Julie’s neighbour is hot.” The leather jacket one spoke scanning the newcomer with an awed expression.

The boy with the sleeveless top sharing the same awed expression. Whereas the blonde in pink’s breath released in an exasperated sigh. Only a corner of your lips twitched up at realization this must happen quite a bit.

“I should head back inside. I have a few more boxes to unpack. It was lovely to meet you, Julie.” Your eloquent words taking the boys by surprise from the lack of modern language and slang. You didn’t use any of the terms that Julie and Flynn spoke in.

Luke followed Julie with glances over his shoulder to the back of the mysterious girl closing her front door. It wasn’t often Luke was intrigued by anything other than his music. Still, something about you was the most interesting thing. Not even touring some of his favourite bands’ personal homes was as interesting.

“C’mon Luke!” Reggie called out to the lingering teenage ghost. Unbeknownst to the retreating guitarist, your curtain had been pulled away as you peeked at him.

Over the next few weeks, you had become acquainted with Julie, even admitting to seeing the boys. It was a mess of Reggie blushing at your revelation of hearing his comments on your beauty. It wasn’t earth-shattering, but it was a friend group.

Two months later, over the course of a week, you withdrew from the group for the comfort of your living room. A garbage bin for used tissues as it sank in once more that the anniversary of Theodore’s death rolled around. 82 years since he was tragically killed.

You looked a mess and barely reacted when the four friends to it upon themselves to enter your home. Your hazy mind barely caught onto the arrival as Julie ushered your saddened form to the bathroom.

As Julie helped dress you, taking it from the extensive closet, the boys cleaned up the living room, and Alex poofed out. He returned with a pizza he began cooking coming to a stop at Luke’s gaping gaze at the mantel above the fireplace.

“What’s wrong?” Alex demanded rushing to the guitarist side equally shocked. Perfect timing as you came back into the living room with Julie.

“That’s Theodore.” The words came out gravely from the lack of use for the past few days. Your feet brought you to the side of the three boys, “It was raining the day. The sky broke when we left the church.”

“That’s you?” Reggie inquired frantically glancing between the old photo and your exact replica of the picture.

Julie gasped at the sight picking out the scar on the edge of your forehead barely seen in the photo but the matching appearance remarkable. The soft smile appeared as your hand came to grab the frame remembering the lovely day—the beautiful ceremony and the small reception before heading out for the honeymoon.

“Theodore Prescott was eighteen when I first saw him on the beach in San Francisco. Mother and I chose a windy for a walk; my hat blew away. Straight into the trousers of a young man that I would fall in love with instantly.” Your smile grew as your form settled back on the couch, having traded the frame for an old album. The four people were quiet.

“We married a year later in 1937, I was seventeen years old. Theodore whisked me off to Los Angeles for our honeymoon. We dined at fancy establishments, caught a film at the Los Angeles Theatre.” Your smile faded, leading Julie’s heart to clench as she knew that expression from seeing it in the mirror, “He was an engineer.”

“What happened?” Julie questioned grasping your soft hand in her own hand, focusing her eyes on your face. Your face remembering one of the most challenging times.

“Theodore was an engineer for the construction of the Golden Gate Bridge. A section of the bridge collapsed taking three men down. Theodore was one of them.” A lone tear travelled down your cheek, “It was difficult grieving my husband and caring for our daughter.”

Luke’s gasp was audible, “Are you a ghost?”

“No.” You told the seventeen-year-old guitarist, “I’ve been nineteen for the last 83 years.”

“Eighty-three years?!” Reggie exclaimed completely taken aback blinking fast to take it in, “Did you find a fountain of youth? Some special French creams?”

“Reg, shut up.” Alex elbowed the raven-haired teenager in the side with an apologetic smile, “I’d apologize and say he isn’t normally like this…but you know us too well.”

“It’s alright Alex,” You told the drummer fiddling with his ring as you returned back to Reggie, “It was storming in 1938, but I had promised to meet my parents and Rosie at the cabin. Visibility got worse, and I fishtailed right off the road into the ravine. I’m not sure the science but I know I died, and then I woke up.”

“This so weird,” Luke mumbled listening intently to the story with wide eyes that quickly matched his friends.

“Believe it’s shocking when your daughter graduates from college with her mother looking younger than her.” The bitter chuckle couldn’t be held back, remembering it as the first time you were retitled as Rosie’s sister.

“I just got used to being a ghost.” Alex sighed, settling into the armchair to the left of the couch. Luke sat on the couch next to you while Reggie took the armchair across from Alex.

As the sun rose higher and began to set, you enthralled the teenagers with stories of your long life. Luke was the most interested in the music you have seen evolve over the course of time, and the musicians you had met. In telling them stories, it allowed you to step out of the dark abyss of your mind.

“Freddie Mercury?” Luke asked from the other cherry red Adirondack chair turned to see you in the matching one.

“I had coffee with him in a little hole in the wall coffee shop in New York. He loved whip cream, but he didn’t like the dairy they used. The shop is now a Starbucks.”

The giggle escaped at Luke’s look of absolute awe, “That’s so rad.”

“Rad. Haven’t heard that in a long time.” The sparkle for sure would have sent Luke’s heart thudding like Alex’s drumming in Now or Never; if it still beat that is.

“…so do you think people can fall in love more than once?” Luke had been very undecided in asking the question. Everyone around could tell he felt something for you so unlike any other relationship.

You kissed your teeth, thinking about how to properly articulate your thoughts on such a heavy subject. It was clear that you felt something for the teenage ghost even if you had lived far longer than Luke had.

“I think it’s possible. Luke, I’ve lived a long time and while I’ll love Theodore for as long as I live that doesn’t mean I have been alone.” You revealed to the ghostly guitarist stepping back in a part of your history buried incredibly deep.

“The way you were torn up made me think-“

“I’ll always mourn Theodore, I had a year, and that was never enough. I worked as a midwife in England in the late 1960s.”

Poplar, London, England circa 1960s

The blonde-haired bombshell marched her way through the crowded Poplar district in London scanning the late-night Christmas shoppers. Beatrix, Trixie to her friends, had a young mother a mere street away. The only available midwife to help her happened to be off duty shopping for gifts.

Trixie was thankful for the American accent that distinguished the midwife from the crowd, pointing her towards a store window. Your eyes dragged away from the lovely young mother giving her thanks for delivering her baby a few months prior.

“Trixie!” You beamed, revealing a white smile that lit up your pretty eye colour. Trixie’s anxious expression dropped the smile, however, “Is something wrong?”

“Jenny Turner is in labour. Tom is with her right now, but I need help. Everyone is further away.”

In seconds you had pulled the charcoal cape secured by the bands crisscrossing your shoulders to properly rest. The cloak had armholes with material covering the holes, no sleeves seen. The cape covered the plain light blue nurse uniform with the white-collar and the maroon red cardigan.

Trixie led you to the small apartment housing twenty-one-year-old, Jenny, with Reverend Tom Hereward waiting. This would be Jenny’s second child with her husband Roger leaving the midwife’s nervous after her first pregnancy.

“Hello, Jenny.” You spoke stepping closer to the woman, “Trixie said you requested my presence.”

“You delivered my first baby. I want you here, Roger a county away for work.” Jenny heavily spoke as a contraction ended, “I’m not due for two weeks.”

“Baby Turner is too excited to meet their big brother.” You soothed settling beside the young mother, “You’re in great hands with Trixie. You are close to the hospital and the clinic if you’d prefer to move.”

“No. I want to stay.” Jenny was sure of that, at least. Her hand left yours to clench the white bedsheets as a contraction clenched her midsection.

“Then I’ll be right here with you.”

It was a promise you kept as Trixie delivered a healthy baby girl appreciating your help when you cleaned the baby. Trixie helped Jenny deliver the afterbirth and clean up the room just in time for Jenny’s mother to enter the room.

“I came as soon as I could.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” Jenny spoke with a small tired smile. The smile that made the job worth watching babies being born, of family’s growing.

Tom was waiting outside in the living room as you exited the bathroom. Your heart fluttered at the sight of the Reverend Hereward waiting for you with his patient smile and a tender look in his blue gaze.

“How is Jenny?” Tom asked, holding the door to the street open.

“Tired after delivering Cynthia. Cynthia is an eight-pound baby with no complications. Thank you for praying Tom.”

“Trixie informed me of Jenny’s first pregnancy, and I felt like I was needed. Do you happen to be free tomorrow night?” Tom asked, linking his fingers in yours with a smile that almost looked nervous.

“I am.” You responded as Tom walked you to Nonnatus House where the unmarried midwives resided. You stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek, “Good night Tom.”

“I’ll meet you at the park,” Tom responded, waiting patiently as you entered the building before he turned on his heel to head to his residence. Unknown to him, you peered down from your bedroom window as he pulled something out of his pocket.

A small box housing a ring he would propose with the very next night. A ring that broke your heart. A ring that you’d never see up close as you handed in your resignation and left England as quickly as possible.

Luke’s invested gaze shuttered as you revealed you had run away before Tom could propose because it could never happen.

“He was going to propose, and you didn’t say goodbye?”

“I don’t know if I could have said no when he asked. I wish I knew what I would have said, but it was unfair. How could Tom, as a Reverend, accept that his fiancée or wife would never grow old? It went against everything he believed in.” You countered with a raised eyebrow, “He married the midwife that was hired a year after I left. Barbara Gilbert. Trixie sent me the letter.”

Luke’s perceptive eyes caught the tinge of sadness in your gaze recalling the second man you had loved. You loved with your whole heart and with that came a lot of heartbreak.

“Do you keep in contact with them?”

“I send a letter to Trixie every once in a while, to check up on her. She married a few years after I left and had a few children. I believe she had a step-daughter.”

Luke’s mouth went to open before a flash of light, and a slight gasp was heard from the blonde drummer. His eyebrows raised as the close proximity between his best friend and his new friend. He shook it off as he turned to face Luke fully.

“Did you forget? We have a gig.” Alex spoke amused as Luke’s eyes widened theatrically vividly recalling the excitement in Julie’s eyes.

You waved the duo off to disappear in a ball of light to the gig they had for the night while you entered your home. You didn’t hear Alex make a comment that Luke couldn’t deny.

“You’ve fallen for her,” Alex spoke just outside the coffee shop that housed the record execs with the power to change their afterlife. The quirk of a smile sealed Alex’s opinion of the girl.

Content to spend your time in the house you retreated to the kitchen. Your hand slipped into your pocket for the phone that had few contacts such as Rosie and Julie’s along with the number of Rosie’s doctor. Mostly pictures of Rosie and landscapes but never your face, not after the 1953 incident.

Living next door to the Molina’s you often shared recipes with Ray, he had taken you under his wing. He felt empathetic with the young neighbour he saw you as a daughter almost, unaware that it would the other way around. You had years on the widowed father.

The wooden spoon stirred the sizzling stir-fry that had been a fixture in raising a rambunctious little girl interested in skinny her knees. The stir-fry was the quickest meal while Rosie played outside or in the little play corner with her dolls. It seemed like the world knew when your phone rang.

“Hello, darling.” You spoke securing the phone between your neck and shoulder, “Did you teach Gladys poker?”

The silence was stifling, “Is this Y/N Y/L/N?”

A cold sweat broke out as the unfamiliar voice came from Rosie’s cell phone roused the deep-seated fear of loss. The wooden spoon in your hand clattered on the tile flooring of the modest-sized kitchen.

“Your grandmother Rosemary Prescott tripped over a cane. You’re her emergency contact.”

“Has she been admitted to the hospital? How extensive are her injuries? Let me get a pen and grab the address.” You rambled frantically scouring the kitchen for the notepad, “Was she alone?”

“She’s still being seen by the doctor, and I’m unable to reveal the details over the phone. Her friend Gladys was there, and she hasn’t left your grandma’s side.” The person responded in an even tone with the failed intention of soothing you.

“What’s the address?”

“I’m a nurse at Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital and Trauma Center.” The nurse prattled off, providing the address and visiting hours.

As soon as the call ended, you had quickly grabbed a quick bite from the meal before packaging it up. Next, you dug out the small suitcase to pack the essentials with the mental capacity of a zombie. The bag was stowed in the backseat of the car while you kept your purse on your shoulder.

You barely comprehended knocking on the Molina door or Ray opening it, “Hello Y/N.”

“Ray. Tonight, I made stir-fry, I’ll be out of town for a few days.” You told the man catching sight of both Carlos and Julie in the background.

“Are you okay?” Ray questioned taking the container from your shaking hands, “Do you need us to do anything?”

“Could I have a h-hug?” You stuttered feeling a smidge better than the older man tugged you in for a hug. Two pairs of arms joined with the Molina kids ambushing you.

“You’re coming back, right?” The question came from the concerned hazel-eyed guitarist watching the interaction with a particular look. A look he knew came from not being able to comfort you.

“I’ll be back once I know Rosie is okay.” You replied, locking eyes with Luke over Ray’s shoulder earning a tender smile from the male.

“I’ll pray for your Grandma,” Ray spoke, stepping back to let both Julie and Carlos say their goodbyes to their neighbour. Everyone but Carlos and Ray half-heartedly smirking at Ray’s belief that Rosie was older than you.

Unlike typical times you didn’t linger in the Molina home with the distracted thoughts of Rosie injured with her mother with her. Rosie is the only thing you would drop anything for, the love of a mother and her child. So distracted by your thoughts you didn’t notice Luke had appeared right beside you.

“Are you driving?” Luke asked, tapping his shoe on the porch step, bringing your sad eyes to meet his, “Or are you taking a plane?”

“A plane. It’s a five-hour drive to San Francisco from here not taking in traffic time. I bought a last-minute ticket.” You replied, heading straight for the car with Luke hot on your heels to the vintage car.

Half of you wanted to refuse his evident intention to join you, but a part of you yearned for the comfort. A stroke of luck had a plane seat beside yours empty, time didn’t exist, but it dragged on at the same time. So lost in thoughts you never noticed the brush on a pinkie on your skin.

While you stared off in the distance, Luke’s jaw was dropped at the silky feel of your skin. Words bubbled up his throat just before he knew it wasn’t the right time to bring it up. Instead, he chose different words to regale you with stories of his childhood.

“I begged for a dog when I was eight years old. Reggie had this golden retriever his family had before he was born. My dad was allergic in the end, so I was content with Reggie’s dog.” Luke spoke, “That didn’t mean I didn’t sneak in this stray one night. We kept him in the garage while we found him a forever home.”

“What was his name?”

“Fender.” Luke sheepishly spoke, catching the tweak of your smile as the clouds in your eyes cleared for a few minutes. Luke loved being able to ease your mind through the flight, not holding back on the embarrassing stories either.

“Thank you.” You told the easy natured teenager with a familiar flutter in your chest that terrified you.

You could name only one other time you had felt that flutter when everything was easy. 1936 with a man you thought would be your one and only. Feeling something that strong for a ghost was incredibly scary.

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Luke asked just outside the closed hospital door, separating you from your daughter. Your lips parted to deny his question but you couldn’t so you simply shook your head.

“Come in!” The voice was prompt after knocking on the door. Opening the door, you found Rosie’s grinning in her bed with Gladys at her side, scolding her.

“I’ll get out of your hair,” Gladys spoke shuffling by you out of the door with a quick hug. The second Gladys closed the door, your eyebrows furrowed.

“Rosemary Elspath Prescott. What were you thinking?” You crossed your arms walking closer to Rosie, “You know your ankle hasn’t been the same-“

“-since I shattered during a cheer comp in college. Mama, I know. It was an accident.” Rosie softly spoke just before her gaze met Luke’s with fear planted squaring in her blue gaze. Luke’s lips parted, “He knows?”

“Oh.” Luke blinked at the sudden new change in his afterlife with Rosie actually seeing him, “I’m Luke.”

“This is going to sound craz-“

“Mama, you’ve been nineteen for over eight decades. I think we’ve hit the crazy already, tell me. Before I get a bad heart.” Rosie joked with that twinkle you saw countless times over the years.

The first time you saw it was when you found her on the counter at age two when she learned how to climb. Other times included her sneaking out to a senior party with her friends and the teasing she started when she got her first grey hair.

“You better have taken our discussion about your salt intake serious young lady.” You pointed at her mere seconds before your shoulders dropped. You leaned down to kiss the crown of her head, “Luke’s a ghost.”

Rosie’s lips parted, staring down the boy before whispering very softly in your ear, “Well. At least he doesn’t age. You look happy with him Mama, I’m not getting any younger, and he’s really cute.”

“Don’t talk like that.” The low response came out broken at the horrible future where you would bury Rosie.

A cold hand landed on your waist as you stretched to place an ornament on the tree you chose with Luke. The wire hugged the branch a ghost of a kiss pressed against your cheek, a moment of quiet in the loud house. Reggie and Alex had been baking cookies with Rosie for the last two hours. Julie was finishing her family dinner at her home before she would come over.

“Merry Christmas,” Luke murmured tugging you in his chest. A flutter of butterflies moving in your tummy.

Once Rosie had been discharged from the hospital, she had been convinced to temporarily move to Los Angeles. For the first time since Rosie’s senior year in high school, you got to live with her. Subtlety had never been her strong suit with nagging you and Luke about getting together.

“Merry Christmas.” You replied, stretching to peck his lips once before cuddling into his chest with the thick sweater.

“Would you like a cookie…Dad.” Rosie teased, bringing a tray into the living room with the gooey chocolate chips.

Another revelation other than being able to touch the boys was that once Julie saved them from Caleb, they could eat small quantities. They couldn’t eat a lot, and they didn’t need it, but it was a comfort to the group.

“That’s so weird.” Alex chortled, taking in the shocked and uncomfortable expression Luke had. Reggie beamed with a mouthful of cookie. This was the first Christmas the boys had surrounded by only acceptance, love, and untainted happiness.

“How about we stick to Luke?” Rosie chuckled just as weirded out by the odd age gap and the forever youth the couple displayed.

While Rosie interacted with the arrival of both Flynn and Julie, you curled into Luke’s embrace taking in the room. Julie and Flynn listened to the rebellious stories Rosie carried. Alex had retreated to the kitchen with a guy with shoulder-length brunette hair. Reggie was involved in a conversation with Ray; another unexplained phenomenon after the Orpheum.

Your eyes found the mantle with the picture of Theodore and you. Right beside it a lovely photo with Luke dipping you in a kiss and besides that picture was the very last picture of Luke with his parents. How lucky you had been in the years you had lived to end up with a chosen family.

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