#blu-ray extras

[semperintrepida]

Where the Magic Happens

I've spent the past week or so in a debate with myself over the idea of continuing to write in fandom. (A subject for another post at another time.) So in the hopes of finding motivation to keep polishing this book, I wanted to talk a little about my editing process, using an excerpt from the chapter I posted last weekend as an example.

Here's my first draft:

The symposium isn't a grand spectacle in your throne room, or an opulent display of means in one of the domas of the aristoi. Instead, it's an intimate gathering in a grove of cypress and laurel trees a short distance away from the palace. Very intimate, for the only light within the trees is that of the full moon and a small brazier glowing bravely in the grove's open centrum. You've paused in a pool of shadow outside the brazier's ring of light, and I have to suppress a smirk at the sight of your guests clustered within it. A few dozen people by my count, murmuring quietly amongst themselves while glancing warily at the trees. They must wonder why you've summoned them here tonight. From what I've seen of Athens, very little of it is allowed to grow unmolested. This stand of trees has been carefully tended, with stone paths underfoot and not a weed or bramble in sight. There's nothing wild or dangerous here, and the moon is so bright that this is plain to see. "They're afraid," I say quietly. Of the dark, of the unknown, of you.

It's not evident from the text, but this was originally written as the beginning of a new scene, not the opening to a separate chapter. What ended up chapters 11 and 12 in the final draft were once one enormously long chapter.

What made me split them in two? The rhythm of this first part of the book, for one. The chapters in this part are shorter, between 3000 to 5000 words, so having one 9000 word chapter show up out of nowhere disrupted the groove. I considered making cuts to the text, but the events that happen during this long, auspicious day in Kyra's life are too load-bearing to the rest of the story. So I found a good stopping point and cut the chapter in two.

Here's the opening to chapter 12 in the final draft:

That night's symposium isn't a grand spectacle in your megaron, or an opulent display in one of the homes of the aristoi. Instead, you bring me to a grove of trees rooted at the foot of the Akropolis. We've paused in the shadows under a giant cypress, looking towards the small clearing in the center of the grove where the guests you've invited, a few dozen at most, are huddled around the meager light of a brazier. The moon is a bright beacon overhead, yet they cast wary glances at the darkness beyond the brazier's reach. They must wonder why you've chosen such a place for your symposium. From what I've seen of Athens, very little of it is allowed to grow unmolested. The grove around us is more of the same unnatural perfection: footpaths swept clean, branches carefully pruned, weeds and brambles uprooted and banished from sight. There's nothing wild lurking in this moonlight. "They're afraid," I say quietly. Of the dark, of the unknown, of you.

The story action hasn't changed, but the way it's conveyed is much tighter. The final version is about 25 words shorter, and the words that remain pack a punch. In a way, the effect is similar to the difference between taking a swig of beer versus a swig of bourbon: by cutting words, I'm distilling my thoughts into something more potent.

But how does that work in practice? Let's look at the first draft again:

The symposium isn't a grand spectacle in your throne room, or an opulent display of means in one of the domas of the aristoi. Instead, it's an intimate gathering in a grove of cypress and laurel trees a short distance away from the palace. Very intimate, for the only light within the trees is that of the full moon and a small brazier glowing bravely in the grove's open centrum.

This paragraph attempts to set the scene as an intimate gathering—so much so that I used the word "intimate" twice!—and it's doing so in a way that is telling rather than showing. Let's see what happens when I show instead of tell:

...Instead, you bring me to a grove of trees rooted at the foot of the Akropolis. We've paused in the shadows under a giant cypress, looking towards the small clearing in the center of the grove where the guests you've invited, a few dozen at most, are huddled around the meager light of a brazier.

The verb "huddled" does much of the heavy lifting, in combination with the adjective "meager." Showing lets me convey that this is an intimate gathering, one with a specific flavor of intimacy that's tinged with uncertainty—and fear.

Another part of my editing process is evaluating how the text sounds. Here's the first draft again:

This stand of trees has been carefully tended, with stone paths underfoot and not a weed or bramble in sight. There's nothing wild or dangerous here, and the moon is so bright that this is plain to see.

That's two, two-clause sentences in a row, with a bit of passive voice ("has been") thrown in for extra meh. YAWN. Let's fix it:

The grove around us is more of the same unnatural perfection: footpaths swept clean, branches carefully pruned, weeds and brambles uprooted and banished from sight. There's nothing wild lurking in this moonlight.

Again, I'm saying the same thing, but the rhythm of it is completely different. Now we have some "unnatural perfection"—very on-brand for Deimos—and some nice phrasal repetition: "weeds and brambles" that are "uprooted and banished." It's still two sentences, but they don't sound so "samey" anymore.

This version is also more active due to much stronger verbs: "swept," "pruned," "uprooted," "banished," and "lurking." (One could argue that the last sentence could be further improved: "Nothing wild lurks in this moonlight." But now we're starting to split hairs and bump up against narrator voice and authorial style...)

To really experience the difference in rhythms, read both versions out loud.

I probably spent something like 5 or 6 hours on this short sequence getting it from the first draft to the final. (Chapter openings are important enough to warrant such extra attention and polish.) It's a lot of writing, re-writing, tweaking a word here and there, throwing a sentence out, re-writing the sentence again...

Editing really is where the magic happens, and while I can't say it's as fun as writing a first draft, I find a certain satisfaction in polishing a story enough to make it gleam.

[magicratfingers]

Thanks for all the questions! Some answers & secrets from the author after the break

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The author being me, Rat Fingers!

What even is this:

Werewolf Regency House Party takes place in Regency Era Bengland. Our characters are currently enjoying a country house party in Oooh Big Stretch Abbey, the country seat of TBD.

It exists in a sort of ambiguous but juicy 'Romance Land' — a smash-up of novels, tropes, archetypes, and platonic ideals. Expect gleeful anachronisms in large part because I do not understand history. And I think that's relatable.

The Boys / Forms / Anthros / Gender / Other Animals:

Yes

Character Relationships

Sisters Melizabeth (eldest, many fine accomplishments) and Bemma (misleadingly obliging) are dear friends. Greggie is the youngest and enjoys a lot of affection and leeway from the rest of the family. Gregiana (Greggie) and Bemma share a room. It's a get-along-shirt kind of situation. Oh and they are all named Jane.

The dumb babies Bachelors are pack.

Bront is exceptionally sensitive to the tuning of the pianoforte. And all of the other instruments. But he'd never let you know. (tummy aches, but v brave) Guy Johnson is pretty and helpful. Dingley is actually the smartest. Some howling is to be expected in fine families.

"I don't get it, OP"

I like a dad joke you gotta work for a bit. I won't ever explain them. (But I won't stop anyone else! I also won't tell you if you're off.)

"Is there a show within the show?"

*vague, affirmative mumbles* Guy Johnson is played by Hoover Saint-Fangs. His catchphrase is "heckin' mañana." Everyone hates it.

Story Plans?

This comic is my silly, low-pressure writing exercise. The dream of a long-form comic is real, but something to work up to. For now, it'll continue to be short strips

Two major references are The Far Side by Gary Larson and Dark Shadows, the 60s/70s gothic soap opera. This will answer some questions but raise many more.

Thank you for reading!

turtle doves, I'mma do a werewolf regency house party (in my head i call it wufflehouse) FAQ so if you have questions, givest them to me

[dunmeshistash]

Dungeon Meshi Blu-ray & DVD 1 inner case - Laios

[mxqiulin]

the yapperrr

[lord-aldhelm]

Osferth (Ewan Mitchell) from "The Last Kingdom" Season 4 from the Blu-ray 'making of' video.

[jeronandor]

[xoxoemynn]

Zaslav: I AM BIG MAD SUCCESSION LEFT MONEY ON THE TABLE. 😠 I AM AXING OFMD RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THEY STUPIDLY ONLY WANT ONE MORE SEASON. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO MAKE MONEY OFF OF THAT?!

Also Zaslav: never bothers to release DVDs or more than a smattering of merch despite the fact the show has a rabid fan base and would buy literally ANYTHING if it was actually FUCKING AVAILABLE

[hikayagami]

Rips from the Japanese Blu-rays of Tokyo Mew Mew New seasons 1 & 2, along with all of the extras are now available for direct download.

You can download them HERE.

[dare-g]

Also considering it's December and it's officially a Christmas show means it's time for a The Kingdom (Riget) rewatch

[clubnate]

love is stored in physical media

[exdeputysonso]

Midnight Heat (1996) Stills

[semperintrepida]

spartanrenegade on AO3 asked an intriguing question regarding the events in chapter 13 of The Breaking. To paraphrase:

What if Kyra's arrow actually killed Deimos during her demonstration of loyalty? What would Kyra do then?

It's an AU of my AU! And after I got done cackling over the mental image of Deimos being brought to such an abrupt end, I started giving it some thought.

What follows is a rough narrative summary of how this story would go if Kyra killed Deimos right then and there. (Writing a narrative summary, aka narrative outline or plot treatment, lets you sketch out ideas without fully committing to them. It's also helpful when you're stuck in a narrative and need to explore ways to get un-stuck!)

~~

Deimos is dead. The reality of it takes a while to set in, shock giving way to a creeping sense of elation. "Some god you turned out to be." Deimos is dead, but Kyra doesn't want to stick around for the aftermath. Rejoicing can wait.

Kyra relieves dearly departed Deimos of her coin purse and belt-knife, gathers the bow and the quivers of arrows, and returns to Epiphron. Kyra knows little of this part of Attika, but she knows which way is Athens, and once her gear is secured to Epiphron's saddle, she rides away from the city, further into the hills.

She spends the next several days hidden high among the scrub oaks, hunting for food, a huntress in her element. Far below, she can see a major road, and she spends plenty of time watching squads of soldiers come and go. Deimos's disappearance has been noticed.

Kyra herself notices a number of travel-worn pilgrims journeying on the road. There's a sanctuary nearby, and that gives her a course of action. She continues following the road from above, and when she comes across an estate with a farm and olive grove, she trades Epiphron and her cloak for drachmae and a new himation. Time to play a new role.

Falling in with a group of well-dressed pilgrims, Kyra spins a tale of a runaway horse and being separated from her party. Thanks to her time in Athens, she makes a convincing highborn woman—even when the group of pilgrims encounters a troop of soldiers asking questions.

The sanctuary up ahead is Elusis: home of the great Mysteries. (Lots of opportunity for resonance here: the Elusinian cult is one of Persephone and Demeter.) Upon arriving, Kyra becomes an initiate, and is now safe as long as she remains on the sanctuary grounds. However, there's a complication: those with blood-guilt are forbidden from becoming initiates, and now Kyra finds herself having to live another lie, this time before the gods themselves.

The climax of this sequence is Kyra's participation in the Mystery's rituals, when she must face her guilt head-on. (For such a small body, she holds a lot of guilt, so, so much guilt.)

She leaves the sanctuary. She travels to the port city of Nisaia in Megaris, where she sells the adamantine necklace for a small fortune in drachmae. And with that fortune, she buys passage on a merchant ship headed for Mykonos, and home, and a chance to rebuild her life...

[spaceacekid]

This bad boy just arrived in the post so here are my plans for the rest of the day

[dunmeshistash]

Dungeon Meshi Blu-ray & DVD 2 inner case - Marcille

[lord-aldhelm]

The Last Kingdom Blu-ray extra for Season 3: Battles of the Last Kingdom.