#blood crying post got up to the 160s before stopping

[orcelito]

Ok I edited an addendum to the original post to acknowledge the oversight hfjshfkhd which ppl aren't gonna see bc it's being passed around in reblogs but it'll make ME feel a bit better at least

[thisisgonnafuxkinkillme]

Don’t Call Me That Anymore

Toshinori Yagi  x Reader 

Warnings:

Angst, body insecurity, big sad 

Alcohol

SPOILER UNDER THE CUT!

(Post Retirement All might)

You walked alongside your boyfriend, your hand being loosley connected to his via your pinky. You dragged him to your favorite thrift shop, where you often liked to try on fancy abandoned ball gowns and take photos. Or, on days where you felt a little more casual, you’d search for some interesting clothes to wear.

Everything was fine, the little outing going along as usual. He’d generally stay by your side, his eyes wandering from the dull clothes you often would pick through. 

It was when you heard a small gasp that you knew something was wrong. You glanced at the direction of his gaze, seeing an abandoned All Might figure laying on the floor, the price tag displaying proudly that it was 75% off. 

“Even to be on sale at a thrift store, eh?” he mumbled to himself. His hand clutched his chest, trying to physically push the pain down and out of his frail body. You tried to pretend like you didn’t notice, and guided him to another aisle. Silently, you planned to leave as soon as possible.

---------------------------------------days later---------------------------------

You scrolled through your phone mindlessly, not really caring about the outside world this very moment. All that mattered right now was your loving boyfriend, who was sitting on the other side of the couch. He was mindlessly scrolling through the tv channels.

Suddenly, he paused. You didn’t notice it, that subtle shift in his attitude, the slight tension that grew within him, and the tiny hitched breath.

He clicked on it, and on screen was...him. 

“So, All Might, what’s an average day like for you?” some well dressed reporter asked him. He flashed that crowd pleasing grin as he thought.

He had just finished fighting a villian, and had a small droplet of blood dripping down his forehead, threatening to drop into his intense yet amiable eyes.

“Well, I guess it’s like anyone else’s,” he said thoughtfully, “I just get up, drink some coffee, and-” the man on screen dissapeared, being replaced by a woman showing us the weekly weather. Again, Toshi said nothing, but his eyes were dark and his jaw was clenched. You grasped for his hand as he stood up. His knees popped and his back cracked, only reminding further that he was getting older and weaker. He clenched his fist and dissapeared into the bathroom.

You didnt know what to say or do, knowing that the wrong thing will only make things worse. Your heart ached deeply for him, but how could you help? Could you help?

That night, Toshi came home with something he usually never played with: alcohol. By this time, you had already forgotten about the incidents earlier.

“What’re you gonna do with that?” you teased. He smiled back weakly. Internally, his heart dropped. He’d been caught.

“You want some?” he offered nonchalantly. You nodded, taking a small shot. You never drank either, unlike other people your age, so when the alcohol passed your lips and slid down your throat, you couldn’t help yourself from sputtering and coughing. He patted your back gently.

“You alright there?” 

You nod, smiling a little. If you’re honest, things like that were always so embarrasing. You hated him see you act your age. 

He took a shot, too, smooth and quick. He noticed you stare, and grinned.

“I used to...a little, when I was younger.” 

After the last two words, his eyes grew dark again.

when I was younger.

He poured himself another shot, swigging it down like nothing. You still felt the burning warmth of the shot you’d taken. You couldn’t stop yourself from worrying about how he’d probably be feeling right about now.

“Hey, uh, Toshi... don’t drink too much too fast or you’re gonna get sick,” you gently suggested.

“I will be fine...don’t you worry about me,” he reassured. You nodded, but didn’t really believe him. Is he fine anyway?

You relaxed on the couch, playing a video game on the switch as Toshi occupied himself with the tv and a deck of cards. He loved to play solitaire, even after being mocked by the students at UA when he’d bust out his worn deck during breaks. 

Time passed, swiftly yet gently, but the silence got the better of you.

“Hey, Toshi, lemme get another shot of that stuff”

He didn’t respond. You looked up from the game to see that his cards were all mixed up, reds being on reds and the kings on top of the queens. He had his head gently resting on the cold, wooden table, eyes only staring at the tv blankly.

It’d been quite a few hours since he’d had his first shot, and it definately has worn in. Not too far from his card playing set up was a glass, 1/4 full of what you just assumed was orange juice. You now were suspicious, quietly taking it and giving it a sniff. 

It certainly was orange juice, but there was something mixed with it. The alcohol smell burned your nose. 

Your heart dropped, knowing that that orange juice was to the brim when he brought it in. 

“Toshi...”

He flinched at his name, but still didn’t say anything. His eyes, though glazed over and pitiful, were focused on something. You glanced up at the screen, where an All Might documentary played. 

You bent down to Toshi’s level, where he was sitting on the floor in front of the table, combing your fingers through his hair. 

“Toshi, look at me.”

His eyes lazily found your face. He brought up his hand to your cheek.

“I-I’m ffine, dea-darlin..g..” he stumbled out, his speech slurred and laborious. 

“Let’s get to bed, honey. I can help walk you there,” you offered. He protested futilely, as you pulled his arm over your shoulder and supported his weight with yours. He was mostly deadwight, making his 160 pounds feel more like thousands. You guided him down the hall, slowly but steadily, each step taking exponentially longer than a sober one would. He kept one hand on the wall.

His fingers grazed the frame of a photo. He looked at it.

It was All Might, proudly standing with a group of kids. 

Toshi couldn’t hold it in anymore. He stood up, shakily but on his own, and pulled his fist back, swinging at it. Glass landed everywhere, and a small hole in the wall stared back at him. 

He spit at the now broken photo at his feet.

“yo-you’re not e-ven real...n-no-not any...not anymore...I hate you...” he mumbled drunkenly. His hand fell limp to his side, scarlet blood shining against his pale, white skin. And dripping onto the floor.

You tried your best to hide your shock and you directed him into the bathroom, where the first aid kit was. He laid on the floor, pressing his face into the comforting coolness of the linoleom. You wanted to scream at him to knock it out, and to just get up, but you knew that even if he desperately wanted to, he wouldn’t be sober until the next morning. 

You looked down at his small, skinny form, that lay breathing on the bathroom tile. You'd never seen Toshi, in any form, look as weak as he did now. Your heart ached. This wasn’t him.

Suddenly, he shot up and lurched towards the toilet, emptying the contents of his stomach. You rushed over to his side, moving his forelocks away from his face. He was pale, white as a sheet. The bags under his eyes were deeper and darker, and his usually bright blue eyes were dulled down to a muted navy. Tears pooled down his sunken cheekbones.

"n-no...go- get awa...y"

You said nothing, but ran cold water through a washrag, soaking it throughly. He remained hovering over the toilet, violently retching.

The alcohol was attacking his skinnied, sick body more than he thought it would. As you approached him with the rag in hand, he returned to the chilled floor.

You placed the rag on his sweaty forehead gently, rubbing his arm. He pushed you away as best as he could, still crying silently.

"p..ple-please, y/n...d-don't look at me...n-not like...not like this..." He choked out in-between sobs.

"I'm not going anywhere, babyboy. I'm sorry." You apologize, getting out some first aid supplies for his knuckles.

"...please...jus-just..."

You hushed him, gently taking his bloodied hand. He tried pulling away weakly, but to no avail.

"...let me...let me jus...take care of it...I can..." He mumbled. You paid him no mind as you quickly but effectively wrapped him up.

As soon as you were finished, he was back in front of the toilet again. Not much more was coming up, but the sickening retches and sobs still shook within his frail chest.

You bent down next to him, rubbing his back, whispering small words of praise and encouragement. He began to calm down a little as he sat against the wall of the bathroom. He started off into the distance.

"I...why can't I be like...like him anymore?" He muttered,

For a split second, you were confused.

“Like who, baby?”

His eyes stared into you, harsh enough to scald you. Realization hit.

“All Might?” You quietly asked, your hand moving towards his. He slapped it away half heartedly.

“n-no... that’s-he’s not- I-I’m not-“

He began to rip at his hair, his sobs getting louder and more violent. Fear grew inside of you, not knowing how to contain this small man that was so engulfed in despair and grief that he couldn’t see how wonderful he is as a person, not just as a hero.

Toshi got his worth from what he could do for others. He doesn’t feel like he deserves love, especially if he’s not giving it to someone else in just the right way. If he’s not helping anyone, what good is he? And in his smaller form, how could he help anyone?

You grabbed his wrists, making sure he couldn’t hurt himself anymore than he already has.

“Toshinori, please listen to me!” You begged. He went limp. He couldn’t catch his breath, and he was definitely hyperventilating.

“Take some nice, deep breaths for me, okay, sweetie?” You firmly yet sweetly ordered. You set the pace and he followed, his breaths shaky and labored. He calmed down quite a bit, and you loosened your grip on his wrists.

“Do you really love me?” He whimpered quietly.

“Oh, honey... of course I love you. I’ve always loved you, even before I knew who you were. Who you are.”

“You...you were right the first time. Were.”

“No, baby. When you go out in public, people still know you’re All Might, and-“

“Don’t... don’t call me... that name... please, not anymore.”

You didn’t even know how to respond to that. Your heart ached at his pitiful tone.

“Y/n... you don’t know what people... what they say about me now. They laugh and say that I’m just a toothpick. They... they whisper about how I don’t look so good, and about...” he began to cry again. This time, quietly, privately. He curled up into himself, tucking himself away from you and the rest of the world.

“Well, of course people will say things like that,” you began, “did you ever consider that there were some people who criticized All Might, too?”

“...what?”

“Listen, honeybee, people are always going to be saying bullshit like that. No matter who you are. But guess what? There’s always, always going to be more people who are excited to see you, who will always accept you, and who will always see every beautiful gift you have to offer to this world. I know how hard it’s been for you, but you need to know that you’re still so loved, so wanted, so needed in so many people’s lives.”

“Like who? Who could possibly...who could need someone like me?”

“Me. Toshi, I need you here. I love you. We met when you were in this form, in this very body. Don’t you remember?”

He nodded. You wiped away a tear gently.

“I loved you for who you are, not who you were or what you’ve done. For you.”

Shakily, he whispered, “I... I love you, too.”

For the first time that night, he clutched you closer to him. You pulled his head into your chest, as he nestled into you. You couldn’t help but spare a few tears, but he never knew that.

“Are you ready to go to bed?”

He nodded, his grip tightening around your shirt. You helped stand him up on his shakey, baby deer like legs. You led him down the hall, and he paused at the broken photo.

He gestured towards it, mumbling something.

“No, baby, don’t worry about that. I’m going to clean it all up.”

Finally, you arrived at the bed. You pulled back the duvet, readying it for him.

He laid into the soft mattress, sighing in relief.

You tucked him in, standing up. He reached his hand out, begging, “please...don’t leave...me...”

“I’m coming right back, honeydew. I just need to clean up the picture and turn everything off. Okay? Do you need a glass of water or anything?”

He shook his head. “Let... let me clean it up tomorrow, please.”

You ignored all of his pleas for you to leave him be earlier, but something told you that despite his drunken stupor, he really meant this one. You washed your face and tidied up the bathroom, quickly turning off the tv and getting his cards put up, and finally dumping the orange juice cocktail down the sink, along with the rest of the alcohol. Your heart panged, noting the tiny amount remaining in the crystal clear bottle.

Despite him denying his need for water, you brought him a tall glass of ice water along with a smaller glass of ginger ale, as well as a new chilled washcloth.

He was nearly asleep when you got back, but perked up at the sound of your footsteps.

You urged him to drink just a tiny bit of the water, and he obliged. You praised him heavily, placing a kiss on his cheek, before climbing into bed. He turned to face you, pulling you close to him. He kissed you on your forehead before drifting off into a deep, restful sleep.

The next morning, you woke up to an empty bed. You scrambled to get up and rushed into the kitchen, where you found Toshi sipping a modest cup of coffee, the photo of All Might placed in a brand new frame, proudly displayed on the kitchen table.

“Oh, Toshi! You scared me when you weren’t in the bed.”

He looked out the window, sighing deeply. He smiled at you, saying,

“Don’t worry... I am here.”

[pfreadsandwrites]

Congrats on gaining 100 followers🎉🎉You deserve all of them and more! 🥳 I'm looking forward to everything you're planning to write in the future❤️ As for the prompts, would you please do #160 with Kakashi? Go wild with it 👁👁 Thank you and I wish the best for your blog❤️

100 follower celebration

Okay, here it is! I want to thank you specifically @madaras-housewife because you have been so amazing and supportive from the first fic I posted here and your encouragement has really helped this blog grow and made me write more. So thank you so much, and I’m sorry this took me forever to get out!! This was a bit of an unusual one so it took me a while to think about, and apologies if it’s not wild enough heh but I tried my best to develop it into something. But thank you for everything and I really hope you enjoy this :) I tried my best to go ‘out there’ and wild with it lol.  Also can I just say this mangacap is perfect for the last part of this one-shot lol. 

warnings/notes: third person, Kakashi pov, female civilian reader (she works at the hospital but plz don’t ask for details beyond that lol), pining Kakashi, kinda fluffy, then kinda sad, then kinda hopeful, marking this as 18+ since there is a paragraph that is brief NSFW mentions, in my mind this takes place between the time skip between part 1 and part 2 but it doesn’t really matter. Told in 4 small vignettes/parts essentially. 2.7k words.

taglist: @allthingskakashi @datblobbyfish @enchantedpendant @madaras-housewife @ibukiirisha @praisingkuroosbedhead @cinam00n @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored

160. “Do you think you could teach me that?”

i.

It’s a simple question.

Of course, it’s also a pointless question, one that Kakashi’s sure she’ll see through, one that he shouldn’t even think about asking.

Of course, he’s in the hospital again. Of course, she’s the one with the misfortune of tending to him again. Of course, he’s mesmerised while her hands dutifully wrap the tourniquet around his arm, like she’s cutting off the blood to his brain.

So, of course, he asks it without thinking.

The self-admonishment starts before the words finish leaving his mouth.

Do you think you could teach me that?

His cheeks heat up as the words catch up with him. They echo again and again, serving only to jeer at him further. What the hell is he thinking, making a request like that? A request that’s so nonsensical, so outlandish, so flimsily shrouding its true intent that she’d be justified in ridiculing him right there.

But it’s done now. Here he is, asking a bizarre favour of a civilian woman already doing him a favour.

Kakashi’d be content if the ground gives away underneath him, snatching him from this damn hospital bed. When he ponders the situation further, and he finds himself contemplating her reaction - no doubt a bewildered, adorable expression would grace her beautiful features (God, how much deeper could he get?) - he almost wants to slap himself. How did he go from the Copy Ninja, Konoha’s best jounin, to an awkward dork so swiftly and smoothly? Not only that, but she hadn’t even said anything yet. Kakashi wanted to die.

Fortunately, she only pauses. Unfortunately, her delicate fingers still against his skin, and the sensation flusters and soothes him simultaneously. But it’s only for a moment, before she diligently returns to the task at hand. Even if she’s surprised, or worse, amused, she knows to conceal it. Taking his question seriously in that earnest way that only she can. It should have eased his mind, but instead there’s only guilt at having perplexed her.

“…You want to learn this? Don’t you have enough on your plate?” She asks, bereft of judgement or ridicule.

He shouldn’t have expected any less, he knows that, and yet he still finds himself on the edge. On that precipice between anxiety and comfort, where he’s always standing around her. He can’t even formulate a response to her simple question. Yes - he probably did have enough to do. And yes, he wouldn’t have got this far without some knowledge of first aid and basic medical ninjutsu - and she probably knew that too.

“I could probably manage. It’s not a problem if you don’t have the time.” As typical as it is for him to answer a question without explaining himself further, he berates himself for it this time. Why had he made this so convoluted? And why does she let him?

“I could probably make time,” she retorts, though her voice remains gentle. “I just didn’t think there’d be anything useful you could learn from me, or that you didn’t already know.”

Nothing useful you could learn from me, or that you didn’t already know.

This time, her words echo in his mind. They’re just as kind and nudging as he thought they would be. But that didn’t mean they were any less ridiculous.

Apparently, there’s nothing he can learn from her. Nothing she can teach him.

Nothing he can learn from the woman who always smiles so brightly and indiscriminately at anyone who graced her that it renders them all equal - turning everyone from the grumpy old curmudgeon to the innocent newborn to cheerful, optimistic entities at her mercy. Nothing he can learn from her inability to use her mysterious power for anything but good, to see the value in everyone, in him, against all better judgement.

Nothing he can learn from her selflessness, and her weird knack for chiding herself for her momentary lapses in kindness, for things others don’t think twice about. Nothing he can learn from her patience and empathy in the most ridiculous situations, and her faltering in it when she draws the attention inwards.

Nothing he could learn from the woman who’s determination to revel in life, even as the opposite surrounded her, surrounded him, surrounded everyone in this cursed village, managed to bring even the heavy weight of death to its knees. Nothing he could learn from the woman who didn’t even seem fazed by it, as she tended to the hospital’s neonates with a giggle and a zest for life that he barely comprehends, much less hopes to emulate.

If - he surprises himself at his optimism, but he owes it to her - he’s incapable of learning nothing from all that, then there isn’t much hope for him at all. And if there’s one thing she inspires, if he can even pick one, it’s hope.

Kakashi eventually stops ruminating. And of course, she lets him. A wry smile forms on his lips. “I wouldn’t say that.”

She glances back at him expectantly. Curiously.

“I think there’s a lot you could teach me, you know.”

She’s already taught him without intending to, he remembers, when she doesn’t press him for an explanation. She only smiles that shy, powerful smile.

But they both know it’s acknowledgement. Of what he’s trying to say, of what he’s asking her in his awkward, haphazard way. Kind as she is, even if she shouldn’t be, she agrees.

***

ii.

And so, ever the one to keep her promise, she sets about teaching him. And Kakashi, ever the one to falter, but never one to abandon, keeps coming back. He’s a quick learner in more ways he thought.

She teaches him that finding something to smile about in the day is easier than it seems.

She teaches him to laugh when he drops by the hospital to see her and a very small patient points at his hair and berates him from escaping from the geriatric ward.

She teaches him allowance for his mistakes, and respite for his suffering.

She teaches him what a fool he’s been for denying himself an embrace all these years.

She teaches him that a kiss might be more eternal, more damning, more fate-consigning that it has any right to be.

She doesn’t have to teach him just how intoxicating, addictive it is to kiss her between the legs. She doesn’t have to teach him just where and how to move his tongue before she’s tugging at that wild silver hair of his. And when he moves in her, when she clutches onto him for dear life, whispering his name in that weak, but lingering whimper, when their breaths mingle together and she manages to exalt everything from him - his love, his strength, his seed - she doesn’t have to teach him that though the price of vulnerability is high, the reward is even higher.

She teaches him, when he dares ask what he sees in a man like her, that there’s an answer to that question that satisfies him.

She teaches him that whilst leaving for a mission used to be easy, it might one day become difficult - even for him, the one who has over a thousand under his belt, the one who only has that many because he wished one would kill him. She teaches him to admit that, too.

And when it does become difficult, just as she taught, he learns that a person waiting back home is much more motivating than a death wish could ever be.

She teaches him to forgive himself, as she begins to accompany him on his graveside visits. She teaches him that there’s a chance - a small chance, Kakashi admits, but a chance nonetheless - that there’s more for his life than living it as a penance to ghosts.

She teaches him that dreaming isn’t just for the young, the idealistic, the good. It’s for the hurt, tired veteran too.

She teaches him that hearing those three words aren’t as terrifying as he’d convinced himself all these years.

He learns, when he finally returns them, that he should have said it back long ago. Because it was all worth it just for that look on her face.

***

iii.

Their time together, dreamlike as it is, is always interrupted.

She’s used to it, calmly nodding in his direction at the summoning bird that’s taken to pecking at her window now too. He nods in kind, and with a quick kiss, he’s off on his next mission. She’s always accepting, always understanding, but the patient stare that bores into his back as he leaps off towards the gravestone (an eternal part of the farewell ritual) belies her anxiety.

Still, Kakashi does make it back. And he does again and again. Sometimes his returns are at the hospital - and that expression of hers, where she doesn’t know whether to chide him for his injury or cry that he’s still in one piece - fills him with equal parts guilt and encouragement.

She still never loses that smile, though. The smile that everyone knows.

He has to leave it behind again.

He makes it back. Without a scratch, for once, but figures he might surprise her at the hospital anyway. Strange. He used to be so good at avoiding this place, and now it’s the first place he comes to of his own accord. It’s just another way he’s lost against her, but he doesn’t begrudge it. Maybe he wants some praise for being more careful, but he won’t admit that outright. Maybe he’s getting worse and worse at waiting for that smile, too.

His optimism is never rewarded. He’s been through enough to remember that, but he’s still foolish enough to forget.

It feels different, today, walking through the corridors that she’s made so inexplicably light, so jovial. She easily leaves her mark without trying, to the awe of shinobi and civilians alike.

So when the atmosphere is dense, experience teaches him to dread it. He asks at the front desk, forgetting his tendency to hide all he can about his personal life. The woman stares up at him with wide eyes, hesitating before regaining her composure.

“(Name) isn’t working at the moment. She’s in room 175.”

She doesn’t say anything else, but it wouldn’t matter if she had. The familiar dread creeps up through his bones.

He’s prepared himself for the worst by the time he’s at her room, but it’s moot when he sees her lying there. She’s lost all her colour, she’s thinner - everything about her that’d remembered these few weeks had become so weak. Her vivacity, her will to endure, had even fooled him. But she was just as fragile as anyone else. Except for him. Why the fuck couldn’t he break, instead of someone else, instead of something that meant anything just this one fucking time?

He sits at her bedside, his calloused fingers touching her dainty ones. She’s only sleeping, at least. Purple and blue spread like constellations over her skin, bandages on her arms and cheeks - the kind of injuries he’d expect on a ninja. Of a ninja too. Thoughts upon thoughts flood his mind - how the hell did this happen? Who did this to her? If she’s not safe in the damn village that he fought to protect, where the hell could she be safe?

And, of course, the curse that he’s done so well to forget he has. Did this happen, somehow, because against all judgement, he had let himself become close to her? It makes sense that he’d only be able to fool himself to a point.

And, of course, as if to shush his self-loathing and anxiety, in that fucking selfless way she always did, that broke his heart even more - her fingers move against his.

She blinks her eyes open slowly and turns her gaze to him. She doesn’t have the energy to smile, but she tries to mimic it in the look in her eyes.

“I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”

He clasps her hand tight - and lets go just as quickly when she winces. “What the hell happened, (Name)?”

She softens her gaze. “It’s funny that I’m the one that ended up like this, when you’re the one that went out on a mission.” Her tone is light, but somehow the hum of her voice brings gravity, whether she wants it to or not.

She won’t answer his question. As if she feels guilty that she’s putting him through something, which only hurts all the more. And Kakashi knows that insisting too strongly is too unfair, too cruel when she seems so tired, no matter how much his blood boils.

There was an attack, he figures that much, and he overhears more from a nurse. A drunk jounin who’d come across her on his way home.

It’s dealt with swiftly, with the speed and efficiency Kakashi prides himself on, but it isn’t enough. He can’t forgive himself, even if she does.

She recovers soon enough, but only to a point.

Her smile is gone. The openness she’d inspire in everyone around her, the joy she’d invite - it dwindles down to nothing. It’s all too much, too familiar, a sad story he’s seen up and close too many times.

Any smile she makes now is a facsimile, a ghost of anything she could have offered previously. But her kindness still forces her to attempt it, no matter how much it hurts, when Kakashi looks at her.

As impressive as her will is, it’s only finite. He berates himself as she breaks one night, and sobs into his chest.

But she doesn’t do it again.

She doesn’t seem to do much of anything anymore.

He has another mission.

***

iv.

Kakashi’s at the training grounds again. He’s here a lot these days. When there isn’t a mission, he’s got into the habit of putting his body through the wringer. It’s what he deserves, at the very least. Besides, he has a lot more free time than he used to. As the raindrops mix with his sweat, his lightning style blends just as seamlessly with the sky.

“Do you think you could teach me that?”

The voice is familiar. Gentle, just like it used to be. Shakier than it used to be, but there’s a faint hint of the quiet resolve he used to hear, that he was foolish enough to take for granted.

He pauses. The chakra he’d gathered in his hands dissipates, and he turns around. He’s no amateur, he knew he wasn’t alone. But he could tell his little observer wasn’t there to pose a threat, either. She watches him with her wide eyes, the wide eyes that historically and even now freeze him in place. She was never one to marvel at his ninjutsu before, only acquiescing or being impressed where appropriate, - and that’s not quite what she’s doing now, either.

“Well -,” she holds her right arm with her left. It’s a normal gesture. One that would have endeared him, but only makes his heart sink now. Suddenly it’s difficult to watch her doubt herself. “Not that exactly. I don’t even want to do that even if I could. But anything you can teach me. It doesn’t have to be a lot. I think I’d be fine with a little. It’d be enough to feel better. If you don’t have too much on your plate.”

He’s watching her now, studying that expression in her eyes. Where she’s determined and defiant, even in that modest way. He believes her - she doesn’t want to learn a lot. She doesn’t want to be too much like him. But she’s allowing herself to learn from him. She’s letting herself take, not just give.

“Alright. Tomorrow, then. But let’s get you home first. It’s late, raining…,” his voice trails off, brushing off the rain from his hair sheepishly. “And I could use a break.”

She begins to smile that shy, powerful smile again. It’s sincere, and her ability to infect others with it seems to have returned. “That’s fine by me. I hear you’ve been overdoing it lately."

Kakashi finds himself grinning back.

Do you think you could teach me that?

It’s a simple question.

[bibliocratic]

jm prompts you say? hmm how about martin hiding an injury and jon freaking out and fussing over him, but with a happy ending?

post-160, jonmartin,hurt/comfort and fluff in some apocalypse-blighted Scottish forest--

Martin realises that he's made a mistake in a sort of chronological tripodal structure of regret.

Primarily, it consists of the dazzling moment when Jon – striding ahead, jaw set and trying to work out where they should have started to go up-hill from the out-of-date ordinance survey map clenched in his hands – suddenly stopped with all the forewarning of a stubbed toe. Holding a hand up to signal that there might be something up ahead in the foliage. Martin, committedly focused on regular breathing and maintaining his ongoing argument with his oesophagus about whether he's going to be sick or not, didn't dodge. Bashing the whole front of his body against Jon's backpack, the arm he's kept so industriously curled up against his chest knocked hard. He thinks he might have made a bitten-off shriek. That shining testament to his mistakes was compounded by his follow-up action, which was to collapse like a felled tree, almost taking Jon down with him, paying fervent and painful homage to the undergrowth with his face.

Mostly he knows that he's really fucked up when he wakes up a few minutes later. Still lying on the ground, and apparently the tent sans-ground sheet has been abruptly set up around him like he's some sort of pop-up installation. The contents of the forest floor have made union with his now knotted hair, and it snags and tugs as he sits up. He can taste grit and dirt in his mouth and there's a stinging dampness on his upper lip. He blinks, coming to terms slowly, and it's then that he realises, just from a brief glance, that Jon is absolutely fuming.

The backpack has been upended without much dignity, its innards rifled through viciously, a platoon of bandages and medicines hastily assembled and called to order off to one side. Jon is hunched, squatted over the spoilers of his ravagings, his fingers gripping two packets of co-codamol that they snaffled from a gutted Lloyds pharmacy near Glasgow, looking for all the world like he's trying to read their instructions like rune-stones.

“J'n?” Martin mumbles blearily, and Jon looks over with all the focus of sunlight caught in glass. Once he's apparently satisfied that Martin isn't in any immediate danger, his glower returns like a storm front.

He should have told him, Martin knows. He should have, he should have. It had been so fast, and it had hurt but it had been manageable and they'd escaped so quickly, he would have told him eventually, he would have.

“Jon, will you,” he says, struggling to stand and failing rather dramatically at it. His apologies form a queue in his throat. “Will you just, Jon, come over here...”

Jon makes a harsh cutting gesture that rather obviously means shut up. He makes it again when Martin makes a token protest, and then – watching Martin's strenuous attempts to rise – forms another gesture and very clearly mouths the word sit.

Jon doesn't talk much these days. Not after Jonah Magnus stole his words from his throat. He avoids anything that might be read as an instruction, a command, a question, which exhaustively limits most of his conversation. He doesn't need to say anything now, not at the moment because usefully he's being really fucking obvious. Stony-faced and cloaked in the miasma of his prickling temper.

Martin flinches when Jon slams something. Jon stops immediately, has the decency to look shamefaced, if mulish, cooling his gestures into perfunctory and quiet actions that can't be read as threatening. He's letting his upset out like a bled radiator and Martin doesn't know what to do.

He passes Martin a water bottle and two small oval tablets expectantly, but quickly realises his own stupidity and takes them back with a frustrated huff. Finally, finally, Jon stops pacing, stops moving, going to his knees and edging closer to where Martin's sitting to help him take the medicine. His rough dry-skinned hand set like a brace at Martin's neck as he carefully tips the water back against his lips for Martin to drink. After he's swallowed, his hand lingers, and after Martin's sheepish thank you, it tentatively moves to thread into the outgrowth of hair at the nape of his neck.

“I'm sorry,” Martin says miserably, his arm now transitioning from smarting to a rather concerted throbbing, and he means it. “I – we needed to keep walking, and there was nowhere safe to stop yet and I know it was – I know I should have....”

Jon's hand has a tremor like a trapped nerve. Martin angles his head to look up at him, and there's messy tracks in the grubby dirt on his cheeks.

“I'm sorry,” Martin repeats, and Jon's head makes port against his own for a second.

“I thought...” comes a raspy, scraping voice, and Jon moves back to study him with wet eyes, and his face twisted in something pained. “I didn't know....”

He doesn't finish the sentence. He sucks in a steadying breathe that doesn't really help before he motions with his hand at the materials he's assembled like a medicinal hunter-gatherer. Martin understands exactly what he's not saying.

“We can't just leave it?” Martin asks, already knowing the answer with dread making a kernel in his stomach. Jon presses his lips tight and shakes his head and looks as though he'd rather do anything else but this.

To his credit, Jon's as professional and mercifully quick as can be expected. He cuts Martin's now swollen, bruise-bright arm out of his sleeve, padding the feverish skin with wadding and gauze without jostling it. He looks right at Martin and exaggeratedly demonstrates that it might be a good idea for Martin to copy his breathing, a deep in-and-out that Martin shakily joins in harmony with. Jon squeezes the unencumbered hand that's curling into a claw against Martin's upper thigh before letting go.

Martin's breathing staggers and slips over into ragged whimpering cry when Jon sets the splint snugly against the injured bone, tries to bury his wet, gasping face into Jon's neck as the stick is tied in place with shoelaces and strips of ripped-up t-shirt at the elbow and wrist. Jon is shushing him, running his hands up and down his back once it's done, his voice plugged up with apologises and despairing, Martin sniffling and hiccuping through the after-shocks.

Martin begins to get drowsy after that, the codeine clearly sneaking into his system and blanketing him in a blissful muted haze, like someone's turned the sound down on the world. Jon takes his meek acceptance of further care as permission to fuss, and briskly rises to the occasion. He brushes out the leaves and small sticks from Martin's hair with a precise and focused intensity until the tangles meet with his internal satisfaction. Soaks a wash-cloth with the dregs of water from the bottle, cleaning away the dirt and small spots of blood from the minor scratches on Martin's face. A measured, stroking left-right motion that leaves Martin blinking heavily, content to half-mindedly watch a host of flickering expressions cross the pathways of Jon's face.

When Jon's done, he looks solemnly over his handiwork like he's overseeing some great project, sealing the act with a dry kiss against Martin's cheek.

“C'mere,” Martin slurs dozily, and Jon enfolds against him like two seas merging, careful not to knock his arm. The ground beneath them is chill, will turn frosty as it dips into nightfall, and they can't stay here, they've got miles to go before the nearest town, they're fast losing light.

Martin tries to say this, or he thinks he does, but Jon shushes him again and kisses the space between left eyebrow and hairline, over the cuts on his cheek that have long stopped smarting.

Jon doesn't tell him to rest. To close his eyes. Jon doesn't tell him to do anything any more, doesn't trust himself with it. But his body is still knelt down as a bedrock, and Martin thinks he might be rocking them both ever so faintly, his fingers trailing ouroboros maps into the weft of his newly combed hair. Martin takes it as permission enough.  

[hecate-herself]

To mark 100 Invisible Library one shots on AO3 I am setting myself a challenge.

The first 5 people who anonymously send me a prompt from the list below the cut (every single prompt that I have come up with, including new ones that I haven't posted yet) and a shipping/ scenario, will get 5,000 words written for that prompt.

If it isn’t anonymous, I won’t do it, if you can’t decide on a shipping that’s less important, but I will only do anonymous responses for this specific thing

1.      “[mama/papa]’s got you.”

2.      “…How on earth did you manage to get up there?”

3.      “After everything that you put me through, you come here and ask for help? How dare you?”

4.      “Alright, which one of you idiots left your shoes out for me to trip over again?”

5.      “Am I just a game to you?”

6.      “Are you asleep?”

“Not anymore.”

7.      “Are you bleeding?”

“We don’t have time to deal with it. I’ll be fine.”

8.      “Are you day drinking?”

“It’s apple juice, not whiskey.”

9.      “Are you sure that you have enough blankets?”

10.   “Are you wearing a new lipbalm? It tastes really good.”

11.   “Bite me.”

12.   “Can I adopt the stray cat out in the street?”

“Do you want fleas? Because that is how you get fleas.”

13.   “Can I have a story?”

“I just ready you a story.”

“’nother story?”

14.   “Can I kiss you?”

15.   “Can you check for monsters under the bed?”

16.   “Can you please tidy your toys away? Preferably before I break my neck tripping over a stuffed turtle.”

17.   “Come any closer and I will hit you with this book. I swear to God!”

18.   “Come to bed with me?”

19.   “Come to bed. I sleep better with you there.”

20.   “Did you ever love me, or was it just an act?”

21.   “Did you get shot?”

22.   “Did you have a bad dream?”

“Uh huh.”

“Come on, get into bed with us, you can sleep in bed with us tonight.”

23.   “Did you just get dragged through a bush, or are you always this messy?”

“I couldn’t find a comb.”

24.   “Did you just stab me?”

25.   “Did you make me breakfast in bed? I think that I love you.”

26.   “Did you sleep last night? At all?”

“God no, what do you take me for?”

27.   “Do we have any cookies in? No? I’m making cookies.”

28.   “Do you even still love me?”

29.   “Do you have a reason to get out of bed today? Let’s just stay here as long as we can.”

30.   “Do you pinky promise?”

“What are you? Five?”

31.   “Do you want a bed time story?”

32.   “Does it hurt here?”

“Everywhere hurts.”

33.   “Don’t go. Please. I can’t lose you.”

34.   “Don’t move, they hit your head really hard.”

35.   “Don’t pass out on me now, we’re nearly home.”

36.   “Don’t touch me!”

37.   “Don’t you dare die on me, you promised me!”

38.   “Don’t you look absolutely stunning?”

“You’re biased.”

“I am your partner, I am allowed to be.”

39.   “First day of school, are we excited?”

“No.”

40.   “Fuck off and fall off a cliff.”

41.   “Fuck.”

“Fuck!”

“No. Don’t repeat that. It’s a naughty word.”

“Fuck.”

42.   “Get off my foot!”

“Get your foot out from underneath my foot.”

43.   “Get out!”

“Please let me explain.”

“Out!”

44.   “Get out. I am done with you.”

45.   “Go ahead, leave, I am not going to stop you.”

46.   “Happy birthday!”

47.   “Have a good day.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

48.   “Have you stolen my shirt?”

49.   “Hey, are you alright?”

“Do I look alright to you?”

50.   “Hey, you passed out, stay laying down for a bit longer.”

51.   “Hold me, please?”

52.   “Hold still, I think it’s broken, I can set it, but this will really hurt.”

53.   “How did I get here?”

“I had to carry you. You hit your head really hard.”

54.   “How did you get pen that high up the wall?”

55.   “How do you feel about spiders?”

“Where is it?”

56.   “How is the hangover?”

“You can great straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred pounds.”

57.   “How many coffees is that?”

“You try having a toddler who refuses to go to bed.”

58.   “Hush little baby don’t say a word, mummy has a headache and your crying hurts.”

59.   “I am madly in love with you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t have a clue.”

60.   “I can’t breathe.”

61.   “I can’t sleep.”

62.   “I can’t stand the sight of you right now. Get away from me.”

“I just wanted to help.”

63.   “I don’t mean to alarm you, but the spider in the shower is frankly massive.”

64.   “I don’t want to talk about it, just leave me alone.”

65.   “I don’t… I don’t feel good.”

66.   “I dreamed about you last night. I woke up happy.

67.   “I feel like no one could ever love me.”

68.   “I feel safe in your arms.”

69.   “I hate you so much.”

“I know. I deserve it.”

70.   “I haven’t slept in days. The nightmares won’t stop.”

71.   “I just put them down for a nap. We probably have an hour of peace.”

72.   “I love mummy.”

“What about me?”

“Just mummy.”

73.   “I love you, but please, shut up.”

74.   “I love you.”

“But I don’t love you.”

75.   “I may have… mildly panicked?”

“You shot at me!”

76.   “I need a hug. Please?”

77.   “I never want you to feel like you are alone.”

78.   “I said that I never wanted to see you again. Why are you here?”

79.   “I think I can feel them kicking!”

80.   “I think you need to see a doctor.”

81.   “I think you’re bleeding…”

82.   “I trusted you.”

83.   “I want another baby.”

84.   “I was thinking, you, me, the bottle of wine in the kitchen and sitting in front of the fire. Thoughts?”

“Yes please.”

85.   “I will make dinner if you don’t speak for the rest of the afternoon.”

86.   “I wish that I never had met you.”

87.   “I’d have stayed, if you had asked me to.”

88.   “I’m calling the doctor.”

“I’m fine.”

“You really aren’t.”

89.   “I’m not hurt.”

“You are actively bleeding.”

“Oh. So I am.”

90.   “I’m sorry, but I didn’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice!”

91.   “I’ve got you, you are going to be okay.”

92.   “If the kid can nap, am I allowed to as well?”

93.   “Is it wrong for me to wish that they never grow up and I can keep my baby forever?”

“I kind of want that too.”

94.   “Is this heaven?”

“Well, judging by your presence here, hell.”

“Oh. So I am dead?”

95.   “Isn’t it your bedtime?”

“Hypocrite.”

“Come to bed with me then.”

96.   “Isn’t this illegal?”

“Yes, but technically no.”

97.   “it could be worse.”

“You aren’t the one bleeding.”

“Look, you are still alive. Stop whining.”

98.   “It could be worse?”

“They got jam everywhere!”

99.   “It hurts.”

“I know, it is going to be okay, I promise.”

“It burns, please… Make it stop.”

100.         “It would be better if you just forgot me.”

101.         “It’s just a bad dream. I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

102.         “It’s just a bit of blood. I’m fine.”

103.         “It’s just a nightmare. I’ve got you.”

104.         “It’s so cold.”

“You need to hold on a bit longer, you are going to be fine. Just stay awake a little longer.”

105.         “It’s your bedtime.”

106.         “Kiss me, please?”

“Nah.”

“Fine, I will kiss someone else.”

“No, don’t do that!”

107.         “Kiss me. Now.”

108.         “Kiss me.”

109.         “Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.”

110.         “Look up. Mistletoe.”

111.         “Lunch?”

“It’s half seven. In the evening.”

“Dinner then?”

112.         “May I have this dance?”

113.         “Nothing could go wrong, you said. Well guess what? Everything has gone wrong!”

114.         “Oh god I think I am going to throw up.”

115.         “Oh, you can go to hell.”

“Stop threatening me with a good time.”

116.         “Okay, start from the beginning, you lost me right after you said that you punched someone.”

“That was the first thing that I said.”

117.         “One drink, two drink, three drink, floor!”

118.         “One little shoe. Two little shoes. Already to go out.”

119.         “Open wide. Come on, eat your dinner!”

“It probably tastes awful.”

“It doesn’t- okay. No, it is pretty bad.”

120.         “Pass me that would you- no, no the other one. On your left. No… your other left.”

121.         “Penny for your thoughts?”

“If my thoughts are only worth a penny, I shall keep it to myself.”

122.         “Please breath, please… oh god.”

123.         “Please don’t say that, I don’t think I can take it.”

124.         “Please don’t vomit on me. Please don’t vomit on me. Please don’t… You vomited on me.”

125.         “Please tell me that isn’t all your blood.”

126.         “Please… I am begging you, just open your eyes. Please. You can’t die.”

127.         “Put the cookie down, eat your dinner first.”

128.         “Quick, I think the baby is coming!”

129.         “Roses are red, violets are blue- ow. Fuck you!”

130.         “Say goodbye to mama and papa, they’ll be back soon.”

131.         “Shh, it’s okay, you don’t need to cry.”

132.         “So… the baby is fine, I want you to know that first, they are absolutely fine.”

“What did you do?”

133.         “Stay in bed a little longer. It is warm here.”

“Alright, five more minutes, then I have to get up.”

134.         “Stomach bug?”

“No, morning sickness.”

135.         “Stop lying to me!”

136.         “Stop pretending to care.”

137.         “Stop smiling at me like that, I am trying to concentrate.”

138.         “Stop wiggling! I need to get you changed!”

139.         “Take a break. I’ll stay up with them, you need some sleep.”

140.         “Take a deep breath.”

141.         “It hurts.”

“I know, but you have to breath.”

142.         “Thank you for looking after me.”

“For you I would do anything.”

143.         “That best not be the last of the milk… Oh you bastard.”

144.         “That hit hard, are you okay?”

145.         “That is going to leave a really nasty scar.”

146.         “That looks broken. You need a doctor.”

147.         “The amount of alcohol I am going to need to forget this is going to kill me.”

148.         “They have grown so much, it’s hard to believe how little they used to be.”

149.         “They won’t stop crying and, in a minute, I think I am going to start crying first.”

150.         “Tuck me into bed?”

“You are an adult.”

“So?”

151.         “Wake up, I think someone else is here.”

152.         “Walk it off.”

“I don’t know if I can walk.”

153.         “What are you reading?”

154.         “What do you mean you aren’t interested in me, it’s me!”

155.         “What if I don’t get better? What if I am broken?”

156.         “What would you do if I said that I may have burnt the dinner?”

157.         “When mummy and daddy love each other very much…”

158.         “Where am I?”

159.         “Where did you get that scar from?

160.         “Where did you put your blankie this time.”

161.         “Who the hell do you think you are?”

“Well-“

“That was rhetorical.”

162.         “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I am just… speechless. You look beautiful.”

163.         “Why are you on the floor? Did you fall?”

“Would you believe me if I said not?”

164.         “Why did you lie to me?”

165.         “Wouldn’t you rather be with [him/her/them]?”

166.         “Yes, you look great in my shirt. But I kind of need it back.”

167.         “You and me, together. We’re unbeatable. We can go against all odds and come out on top.”

168.         “You are perfect, my little [pet name].”

169.         “You are the worst mistake I have ever made.”

170.         “You broke my heart.”

171.         “You didn’t see anything.”

“Yes I did. I saw all of it.”

172.         “You drank my coffee? Why must you heart me in this way?”

173.         “You hurt me!”

174.         “You loved me!”

“Loved. Past tense.”

175.         “You made me breakfast in bed? What did you do this time?”

176.         “You really are your [mother/father]’s child.”

177.         “You ripped my heart to pieces. Did it even hurt when you left?”

178.         “You’ll come crawling back to me.”

“Never.”

179.         “You’re burning up.”

180.         “You’re going to be okay, just breath. Oh god… is that bone?”

181.         “Your brat keeps kicking me in the kidney.”

“How come you say they’re mine whenever they are doing that?”

182.         “Your nose is bleeding.”

[queenmulti]

Queen Prompt List

Leave your requests in my ask box! I do ask if you’re going to pick multiple to only go up to four or five. Can be with any guy I don’t care, and yes I’m posting this before any imagine it’s fine. Sorry, there’s like over a 100 of them. I honestly just started writing random stuff down.

Last Updated: July 14th, 2019 (200 Prompts)

1. “Babe! You almost made me loose,”

2. “You weren't supposed to find out this way,”

3. “You know I love you. Why would you think I didn’t?”

4. “I’m sorry what? I can’t hear you over all the bullshit you’re telling me.”

5. “My parents were right... I should’ve never left home.”

6. “I came all this damn way to be with you! And all you’re doing is pushing me away!”

7. “Typical,”

8. “You are the love of my life, why can’t you see that?”

9. “We’re meant to be,”

10. “Shut the hell up,”

11. “Can you just kiss me already?”

12. “Umm... I didn’t do that.”

13. “Why are you naked?”

14. “I thought I’ve seen it all, but no...”

15. “Don’t judge me,”

16. “I AM A FREE WOMEN,”

17. “Are you drunk? Or am I drunk? I can’t tell,”

18. “Are you fucking stupid! You could’ve got yourself killed!”

19. “Oops,”

20. “Did I really just say that?”

21. “Are you a crack in the sidewalk because I’ll break my mothers back for you, wait...”

22. “Let me show you,”

23. “Are you coming or not.”

24. “It’s not that hard..., yet.”

25. “What the hell is that?”

26. “Is that blood?!”

27. “Yeah um... I love you,”

28. “Y-you what? Please tell me this is a joke.”

29. “I thought you loved me?”

30. “Zoo-wee-mama,”

31. “Can you sing to me?”

32. “Stay... please,”

33. “Another one bites the dust... haha.”

34. “What kind of moves are those?”

35. “I’m funny,”

36. “Why the hell did you punch me?!”

37. “You... you... why...”

38. “Are you okay? Oh my god..., No...”

39. “Are you quoting a song right now?”

40. “You idiot!”

41. “You’re going to make me crash if you keep poking me,”

42. “I think I have a problem,”

43. “You just saved my life,”

44. “I’m sorry what? You’re pregnant?”

45. “I can’t do this anymore...”

46. “Imagine if you were in my shoes.”

47. “Learn to love yourself before you love others.”

48. “You’re giving me a damn headache,”

49. “Stop putting it on replay!”

50. “I’m pretty sure you’ve watched this about a hundred times.”

51. “You’re different,”

52. “You say that to everyone,”

53. “Don’t bull shit me,”

54. “Whenever I’m not with you... The sun disappears... You’re my sun.”

55. “I know that was cheesy, but will you marry me?”

56. “Please just do this for me.”

57. “I never want to see you again.”

58. “You were right... I’m sorry.”

59. “You’re only my friend... I don’t feel the same way.”

60. “I fucking love you,”

61. “Are you...? Are you crying?”

62. “I thought you were gay?”

63. “You’ve got to be kidding me,”

64. “Where did you get those bruises..?”

65. “Is that a fucking hickey?!”

66. “I’m going to kill you,” 

67. “You’re fucking dead! You hear that mate! Fucking dead!”

68. “Bloody hell,”

69. “We should get tattoos together,”

70. “What the hell did you do?”

71. “Just to be safe,”

72. “I’m dying,”

73. “Stop! Just leave already!”

74. “I don’t want you to see me like this,”

75. “You cheated?”

76. “I just want to find love...”

77. “You are blind,”

78. “I hate his guts, I don’t love him.

79. “You two clearly love each other. You just don’t want to make the first move.”

80. “Holy shit... I didn’t know you could sing.”

81. “I got you a dog,”

82. “My family hates me because I fell in love with you,”

83. “Pay attention to me,”

84. “Can I fuck you?”

85. “I feel like you just told me a plot of a non-existing movie.”

86. “Are you even paying attention?”

87. “What did I just say?”

88. “I don’t know the first thing about love, but I’m willing to give it a try for you.”

89. “Every night you’re out. For once can’t you come home sober?”

90. “Did I make you cry?”

91. “How long has this been going on for?”

92. “What is smut?”

93. “Hey, babe? Can we do this?”

94. “Gimme gimme,”

95. “I could use a hug right now,”

96. “Get your ass over here young lady,”

97. “Did you just slap my ass?”

98. “What can I get you?”

99. “A slice of you,”

100. “Sure we’ve had some bad fights, but we’ve got back up from them.”

101. “Darling, are you alright?”

102. “Why the hell would you tell him/her!?”

103. “I just really need you right now...”

104. “Is that your ex?”

105. “You just broke my heart. I hope you’re happy.”

106. “Why are you still up?”

107. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened...”

108. “I’m going to kill him, he shouldn’t have done that.”

109. “You are really short,”

110. “What is English?”

111. “Come on, move those hips!”

112. “How about we leave these losers?”

113. “Wait, I won?”

114. “Can we get one?”

115. “I can’t breath,”

116. “You just took my breath away.”

117. “I can’t think straight without you,”

118. “This is for the best,”

119. “He doesn’t want you anymore. Can’t you see that?”

120. “I’ll never get tired of you, sweetheart.”

121. “You wrote a song about me?”

122. “I’m not leaving,”

123. “Stop acting like a child,”

124. “Are you trying to be funny right now?”

125. “Are you wearing that?”

126. “I’m busy,”

127. “It’s just you and me tonight.”

128. “My brother isn’t home,”

129. “Clothes off now,”

130. “Demanding aren’t we?”

131. “I’m not having sex with you.”

132. “You say that now,”

133. “It’s tradition,”

134. “You did this on purpose.” 

135. “Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t, you’ll never know.”

136. “You never leave the house anymore.”

137. “He ruined you,”

138. “He’s gone... Forever.”

139. “I’m right behind you,”

140. “You’re my dream.”

141. “You’re looking a bit red there, doll, are you alright?”

142. “Wait... You know how to play,”

143. “She just showed you,”

144. “Sue me then, bitch.”

145. “Can we watch it again?”

146. “Can you shut the hell up? I’m trying to watch the same movie.”

147. “Let me take you somewhere you’ve never been to before... My bedroom.”

148. “Is that suppose to be sexy?”

149. “You can’t wear that out.”

150. “No way,”

151. “Who got your panties in a twist?”

152. “You’re missing something.”

153. “I can’t feel my legs,”

154. “Are my hands small?”

155. “I see what you did there, sneaky bastard.”

156. “I’m your biggest fan,”

157. “It’s not even that big,”

158. “Are we talking about dick sizes?”

159. “What the actual hell,”

160. “Are you following us?”

161. “I’ve never been more disturbed in my life.”

162. “You’re going to kill them, babe.”

163. “Is that vodka?”

164. “Ow,”

165. “Son of a bit- biscuit.”

167. “Why do I think of Elvish when I hear this?”

168. “You’re tired, you don’t know what the hell you’re saying.”

169. “Sleep with me,”

170. “You look so pretty, I’m jealous.”

171. “What’s that on your finger?”

172. “I’m getting married bitches!”

173. “I can’t stop thinking about all the near-naked girls he’s probably looking at right now...”

174. “This was a bad idea,”

175. “I got a threat...”

176. “I have to move..., can I stay with you?”

177. “You’ll pay for that,”

178. “Look at my baby go!”

179. “You’re all sweaty and hot,”

180. “This song makes me cry, okay?”

181. “Let me take care of you,”

182. “Can you pick me up?”

183. “I know you’re type, and I’m tired of guys like you.”

184. “You’re handsome and you know that. All those damn girls know it and I’m not falling for some guys looks, or charms. So, fuck off will you?”

185. “This sounds like the ghostbusters theme song.”

186. “I’m sorry, but the album fucking sucks.”

187. “Wow, thanks for the support.”

188. “I’m speaking my honest opinion.”

189. “What do you say to the rumors around the two of you guys?”

190. “Why would you ever do something like that? Why?”

191. “I almost lost you once, I’m not risking it again.”

192. “You sound better then the man himself,”

193. “I can’t believe he’s gone,”

194. “Fuck! FUCK! FucK!”

195. “It’s not too late,”

196. “I won’t allow this,”

197. “I’m doing this to protect you,”

198. “I’m cold...”

199. “I’m... Famous?

200. “You want to tour with me?”

[askauradonprep]

About That Super Long Playlist

Long information post behind the cut! It’s pretty much the songs in the stages of the crew’s relationship.

First Round of Recruiting

1 What About Us 2 At the End of the Day 3 How Far I’ll Go 4 Brave 5 Anthem of a Runaway 6 Come Back (Ella Eyre) 7 She Got the Best of Me 8 Glad You Came 9 You Walked In 10 You’re Beautiful 11 You Don’t Know Me 12 Enchanted 13 Felt Good On My Lips 14 Girl Crush 15 Crashed 16 Do It For Her 17 Who Are You When I’m Not Looking 18 Wildest Dreams 19 Started With a Song

Rise to Power

20 You and Me 21 Bad Reputation 22 Playing With the Big Boys 23 I Bring the Darkness (End of Days) 24 Warrior 25 Let It Go

Descendants 2

26 What’s My Name 27 Here Comes the Thunder 28 One Way or Another 29 Greatest Show on Earth 30 The Edge of Glory 31 One Day More 32 Dyin’ Ain’t So Bad 33 You’re Going Down 34 Hit Me With Your Best Shot 35 Look Down 36 King of Anything 37 Rich 38 Fly 39 It’s Goin’ Down

Uma Leaving

40 Evermore 41 If Only 42 The Winner Takes It All 43 It’s Over Isn’t It

Rough Mental Health Period

44 Supergirl 45 Ring of Fire 46 Monster 47 Little Toy Guns 48 Mayday 49 Cry 50 Bad Day 51 Because of You 52 Burning House 53 Stilettos 54 Out of the Woods 55 Ask Me How I Know 56 Tomorrow 57 Landslide 58 Better Man 59 Done You Wrong 60 Stupid Boy 61 Chasing Pavements

Uma’s Return

62 Girl on Fire 63 Keep Holding On 64 Umbrella 65 Make You Feel My Love 66 If You’re Going Through Hell (Before the Devil Even Knows You’re There) 67 I’ll Stand By You 68 Safe & Sound 69 Dancing On My Own 70 Wanted 71 Innocent 72 Invisible 73 It’s Okay To Cry 74 Break On Me 75 Let It Out 76 Here Comes A Thought 77 She Will Be Loved 78 Everytime

Recovery

79 The Good Stuff 80 My Life Would Suck Without You 81 Just Give Me A Reason 82 For The Long Run 83 Shake It Out 84 I Ain’t Giving Up On You 85 True Colors 86 Every Storm (Runs Out of Rain) 87 Warrior 88 Here’s To Us 89 Little Girl 90 Mine 91 Fly 92 War Paint  93 I Won’t Let Go 94 Clean

Comeback

95 Royals 96 So What 97 Still Not Giving Up 98 Back in Black 99 Bad Blood 100 Angel With a Shotgun 101 Payback 102 Another One Bites the Dust

Second Recruiting Period

103 We’re Going to Be Friends 104 Worth a Shot 105 Enchanted (Owl City)* 106 Break Up In The End 107 I Would’ve Loved You Anyway 108 Replace Your Heart* 109 Come Back Song 110 Let’s Be Us Again 111 All Together Now 112 Jessie’s Girl 113 I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You 114 Both Of You 115 Bury the Hatchet 116 Team 117 Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now 118 I Will Follow You Into the Dark 119 I've Got Your Back* 120 Ain’t No Stopping Us Now

Hooking Up

121 Play It Again 122 Love Will Do That 123 Ready to Run 124 I Don’t Dance 125 Hold My Beer 126 As She’s Walking Away 127 Make You Mine 128 See About A Girl 129 Merry Go ‘Round 130 Johnny & June 131 Somebody to Love 132 She Won’t Be Lonely Long 133 Friday Night

Getting Together Officially

134 History in the Making 135 How to Love 136 Complicated 137 Heart Attack 138 Give Your Heart a Break 139 Strong Enough 140 Good to You 141 What Ifs 142 Yours If You Want It 143 Waterloo 144 Bring It On 145 Best Shot 146 Begin Again

Early Relationship

147 Love Me Like You Mean It 148 Cool With That 149 Just a Kiss 150 (Kissed You) Good Night 151 Feels Like That 152 My Girl 153 You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away 154 Dress 155 We Danced 156 Secret Love Song 157 The Fighter 158 I Like The Sound of That

Getting in Trouble on the Isle

159 Super Villain 160 Good Girls Go Bad 161 Came Here to Forget 162 Home Alone Tonight 163 Good Together 164 I’ll Be The Singer, You Be The Song 165 Bounty 166 Run 167 Bad Boys 168 Bad Girls

Partying

169 Fix A Drink 170 We’re All Right 171 What Was I Thinkin’? 172 Bonnie and Clyde 173 She’s My Kind of Crazy 174 Toxic 175 It Ain’t My Fault 176 Wild Things 177 Downtown Kids 178 Let’s Get Rowdy 179 Fastest Girl in Town 180 Somethin’ Bad 181 Me Against the Music 182 Somethin’ We Shouldn’t Do 183 Exstacy 184 Criminal 185 Like You Do 186 We Are Young 187 Setting the World On Fire 188 Die Young 189 Anthem 190 Kiss Me Quiet 191 Up All Night 192 Hurricane 193 Perfect Storm

Getting Closer

194 Quiet 195 Easy Silence 196 Soak Up The Sun 197 I Like Me Better 198 I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) 199 If I Ain’t Got You 200 You Are In Love 201 Clarity 202 Count Me In 203 Good Time 204 Halo 205 Just The Way You Are 206 Ours

Descendants 3

207 Not Ready to Make Nice 208 My Lullaby 209 Stronger (Under the Sea)

Getting Invited to Auradon

210 Long Live 211 Hall Of Fame 212 Peter Pan 213 That’s When You Know It’s Over 214 Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) 215 Just Like You 216 Wasting All These Tears 217 Since U Been Gone 218 I Wonder 219 Praying 220 If I Die Young 221 A Little Bit Stronger 222 Survivor 223 Be Wherever You Are 224 Anywhere With You 225 We Are the Champions 226 Let It Go (Demi Lovato) 227 Fight Song 228 Eyes Open 229 Change

Dating In Auradon 

230 Kiss The Girl 231 Somewhere Only We Know 232 Always the Love Songs 233 They Don’t Know About Us 234 Blank Space 235 Womanizer

Going Public

236 She’s With Me 237 A Guy With A Girl 238 A Place In This World 239 Unforgettable 240 Fearless 241 Skydiving 242 Sparks Fly 243 Dirt Roads Scholar 244 Sunshine On the Line 245 Jumped Right In 246 This Is How We Roll 247 Cruise 248 Wastin’ Gas 249 Fast Cars and Freedom 250 Old Alabama 251 Shotgun Rider 252 400 Lux 253 Parking Lot Party 254 Beat Of the Music 255 L.A. Boyz

Auradon Partying

256 Here For The Party 257 Up All Night 258 Raise Your Glass 259 Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) 260 Middle of a Memory 261 Cop Car 262 Crash My Party

Getting to the First ‘I Love You’

263 I’m Only Me When I’m With You 264 Can’t Say No 265 I See The Light 266 I Think I Love You 267 The Only Exception 268 A Thousand Years 269 Criminal 270 You Love Who You Love 271 Girlfriend 272 Hooked 273 I Hope You’re the End of My Story

Being Split Up By Auradon Prep

274 Stay Beautiful 275 One Number Away 276 Thinking ‘Bout You 277 I Hope You Dance 278 Sleepin’ Around 279 Think of You 280 More Than A Memory 281 Picture 282 Hung Up 283 Need You Now 284 I’m Comin’ Over 285 Just To Get To You 286 Hell Bent For Buffalo 287 Warm Safe Place

Feeling Hopeless

288 Like A Cowboy 289 Remind Me 290 Long Live The Night 291 Don’t You Wanna Stay 292 Runnin’ Outta Moonlight 293 Secret Love 294 Carrying Your Love With Me 295 Wherever Love Goes 296 I Could Use A Love Song 297 Colder Weather 298 Red 299 True Love 300 Highway Don’t Care 301 Say You Do

Fixing Things and Reuniting

302 Man in the Mirror 303 Die of a Broken Heart 304 Let’s Not Let It 305 I Won’t Give Up 306 Hey There Delilah 307 Mamma Mia 308 Where We Left Off 309 Stuck Like Glue 310 Style

Post-Reunification Relationship At Auradon Prep

311 Young Forever 312 Somewhere On A Beach 313 Cheap Seats 314 Firecracker 315 Somethin’ Stupid 316 My Best Friend 317 Lucky 318 You Won’t Ever Be Lonely 319 Do It With You 320 I Wanna Dance With Somebody 321 Somebody Like You 322 My Baby Loves Me 323 The Way You Love Me 324 Love Me Like That 325 Love Like You 326 H.O.L.Y.

Post-Graduation Adult Relationship

327 Next Stop, Anywhere* 328 I Hate Love Songs 329 One In A Million 330 Now That I Found You 331 Because You Love Me 332 For You 333 Good Kinda Love 334 Loving You Easy 335 We Found Love 336 We Weren’t Crazy 337 Because You Loved Me 338 Mean To Me 339 The World 340 Alright 341 Doin’ What She Likes 342 Somebody Wrote Love 343 Love Me Like There’s No Tomorrow 344 Yours 345 Hard To Love 346 That Kind of Beautiful 347 Jealous of the Sun 348 Never Comin’ Down 349 This Love 350 I Run To You 351 God Gave Me You 352 All About Her

Proposal and Engagement

353 That’s When You Know 354 Baby, I Love You 355 She’s In Love With the Boy 356 Amazed 357 The Rest of Our Lives 358 Lost In This Moment 359 It’s Your Love 360 Livin’ Our Love Song

Wedding and Honeymoon

361 For Just One Day Let’s Only Think About (Love) 362 Marry Me 363 Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not? 364 A Thousand Years Part 2 365 I Do 366 It’s A Beautiful Thing 367 I Got the Boy 368 Hold It Against Me 369 Black 370 I’ll Name The Dogs

Married, Childless Life

371 Your Man 372 No Such Thing As A Broken Heart 373 Come A Little Closer 374 Sky Stays This Blue 375 Dear Life

Kids Being Born

376 It Takes A Man 377 Life Changes 378 You’re Having My Baby 379 Isn’t She Lovely 380 You’re Gonna Be 381 Chasin’ Girls 382 Laughed Until We Cried 383 Who Wouldn’t Wanna Be Me 384 Hey Pretty Girl 385 Who Would You Be

Post-Kids Life

386 Superman 387 I’m Already There 388 Home 389 Woman, Amen 390 Good Morning Beautiful 391 A Woman Like You 392 All of Me 393 She’s Good For Me 394 Forever Love 395 I Walk The Line 396 Forever and Ever, Amen 397 You Make It Easy 398 My Wish 399 In Case You Didn’t Know 400 You’re Still The One 401 Just To See You Smile 402 I’ll Still Love You More 403 If You Ever Stop Loving Me 404 I’ll Always Love You 405 Die A Happy Man 406 Love Like Crazy 407 Remember When

Older Adults, Post Kids Growing Up

408 Moments 409 I Go Back 410 Then 411 I’d Love You All Over Again 412 Still Into You 413 In Color 414 Bless the Broken Road 415 Greatest Love Story

Legacy

416 For Good 417 I Was Here 418 Don’t Blink 419 Forever Rebels 420 Legends

* = Not on Spotify

[dcnativegal]

Autumn in the Oregon Outback

It’s autumn here in the Oregon Outback. I’m writing this in mid-December and it surely feels like winter. The snow is so beautiful and stays white. In DC, by day 3 the snow is grey and black.

We started burning wood in the stove right after the equinox. Much of the wood we’ve bought is stacked in the wood shed but then we were away for a weekend and it rained and the wheelbarrow wheel is flat and Valerie’s hand isn’t quite healed from surgery… can you hear the excuses? So, we gather the wood from the driveway AND the shed at the moment. All in good time.

We had a little trouble locating someone who’d deliver wood all the way to Paisley. We were on a waiting list, but I got anxious since wood is our only source of heat. A client knows somebody who knows somebody who desperately needs the work, and next thing we know, we have a pile of wood. When Valerie organized it, she realized it was not quite a cord, and we’d paid $160, which is a lot for a cord, though more reasonable with the 90-minute round trip from Lakeview factored in. We gave him another chance and he gave us than two and a half more cords.  That were not cut quite right. So we have a stack that needs more chopping, and a lot of misshapen bits with tree branches sticking out that make them very hard to stack. We are making do. He was deeply grateful. And we have heat.

When I got up this morning, it was 23 outside and 62 inside. It may get warmer than freezing today, and with my beloved pyromaniac, Valerie, at the stove, it might get as warm as 78. Which means it’s over 80 in the loft if you want to take a nap. I go from wool socks, warm jammies and a sweatshirt to a tank top and shorts in the course of a day. If we ever lose power in winter, we’ll be fine.

Valerie had a medical adventure this past summer in which she woke up and couldn’t get the world to stop spinning. I called her daughter, Hope, an RN at the one hospital in this county, and she met us in the emergency department. The 45-minute ride down to Lakeview with poor Val puking in a bucket was not fun. With a shot of Zofran, she stopped puking, and after an overnight stay to see if she’d had a stroke, an MS flare or “just” loose crystals in her ears, she saw a neurologist to establish care with one out here in Oregon. And it was the neurologist who said, you know you really should see a hand surgeon about those lumps in your left hand. Which hurt when she bonks them. So she did. And the hand surgeon, in Bend, went WHOA NELLY you need those lumps out. Can it wait until after my grandson Adam’s wedding in September? Nope. We’ll schedule the surgery for next week. That’s how fast she came to have 22 schwanomas removed very delicately; they apparently cluster like grapes along nerves. The surgeon had to cut her hand like Zorro because straight-line scars would contract and she’d have even more trouble opening her hand fully. The presenting problem of dizziness turned out to be a temporary issue of rogue ear crystals, but what came out of all the hullabaloo was a hand that no longer hurts.

She’s fine now, and stretches her hand out with the use of heat.

++

Recently, Valerie spent hours with 3 neighbors killing chickens, then defeathering them, and finally putting them in baggies to freeze. For her labors, she got two whole chickens (minus their heads, and innards), and two livers. Valerie does love liver and onions. (The big animal vet she sometimes works for says eating liver is like sucking on an oil filter. I’ll take his word for it and avoid the whole situation.) The neighbors, who’d bought chicks to grow them into meat chickens (not egg-producing ones) now have 35 chicken carcasses frozen for winter meals. Valerie invited me to help. Ha! Ha, ha ha HA!  That would be a no. I did take over our new-to-us poodle named Griffey. He’d have LOVED to smell all the feathers as they were drifting to the ground. The whole business was a revelation. I didn’t stay long. (Shudder.) If I’m going to eat chicken, I need to appreciate where the poor bird on my plate came from. I just don’t need to pluck the actual feathers off myself.

Later that same day, after Valerie’s chicken-plucking and a long shower, we drove to the Lakeview Elks Lodge for a fundraiser for the senior citizen meal program. (The Elks Lodge is the largest venue for big gatherings in the county.) There are 350 senior citizens living below the poverty line. The program serves less than a third of that, and although the meals are offered for free, they are not entirely subsidized by tax revenue, therefore, fundraiser. I’ve come to know the folks at the Senior Center through my many requests for transportation, and they are hardworking, smart women.

Val and I sat and chatted with a husband wife pair we’ve gotten to know from St. Luke’s Episcopal. And then, my coworker, fellow knitter, and Valerie’s primary care provider walked in with her husband. I gestured wildly and they joined our table. She’s the health care person who refers the most clients to me for mental health assessment. I got to know her when I worked in Christmas Valley, those 18 months when I drove north each workday instead of south. She referred clients to our tiny mental health outpost up there. Other things we have in common: she’s a liberal. She’s lived and worked on the east coast. She grew up with a high ACE score (which means, many Adverse Childhood Experiences.) She’s a serious introvert and has a very busy, stressful life in the same clinic that I work in. I admire her very much. Her name is Kathleen.

The Lakeview Senior Center program started and we heard about services to folks 65 and older in the county, which include home delivered meals, transportation to far-flung doctor appointments in Bend and Medford, and daily meals with socializing. Right before dinner was served, there was a loud clatter and thud at the edge of the tables. A man had collapsed. A small group surrounded him. Kathleen asked, is something wrong? Yup. She went over to the man, and stayed there until the EMTs took him out on a gurney to the emergency department. She came back to the table, regretful that she’d had half a beer and had to breathe that breath onto this guy, who’s had trouble with dehydration since his car broke down and he wandered around in the desert for days. Despite the Hebrews’ and Jesus’ success at wandering in deserts, it’s not recommended.

We finally chewed on our tamales, beans and rice, followed by sheet cake. Manley, and Valerie, talk old haying equipment, and tell stories. One of my favorites is about the time when young Valerie worked as a ‘hooker’, that is, she hooked lumber so that it could be lifted by a CAT(erpillar) onto a truck… she tells this story so much better than I do… A guy in a caterpillar hoists her up by large hooks which she holds onto, and he lifts her over to the log he wants her to put on the truck next. She puts the hooks where they go and up goes the log onto the truck.

One day, she’s swinging in the air above the logs still waiting to be loaded, hanging on by her hands, and she sees that the guy running the caterpillar is slumped over the enormous steering wheel. Has he had a heart attack? She swings herself around to see the other crew member to find out if he notices the slumped guy, and guy #2 is slapping the side of the truck in paroxysms of humor. Uh oh. She looks down and her bra straps had snapped and her bra was now visible as a belt around her waist. The caterpillar driver managed to catch his breath and graciously swings her up and over a bush and she drops down. After she’d gotten her bra back up where it belongs, she came out behind the bush and bowed.

A great story. One of many that show how a tough woman gets out of a pink-color trap to work alongside cranky menfolk who learn begrudging respect for this ‘hooker’ and ‘millwright’ and shoe cobbler and… my partner is remarkable …

At the benefit dinner, we listened to the brief explanation of how Meals on Wheels is a program of the triple A which has nothing to do with the American Automobile Association, despite the importance of ‘wheels’ in home-meal delivery, but is rather the Area Agency on Aging. Which is a governmental entity. And that’s all that’s said about that by the director of the program. Because we are in an anti-government, very “red” county. But I know that it’s the Older Americans Act that funds all the ‘triple As’ in the country, one covering every county in the USA. (Since Lake County is the red headed step child of Klamath County, that triple A covers 2 counties.) And I know that the Older Americans Act was one enduring program signed into law by Lyndon B Johnson as part of the Great Society Legislation which also brought us Medicaid and the Voting Rights Act, to name just two more important bits of ‘government.’  

Just ask Valerie. My blood pressure goes up when people disparage ‘government’ around these parts. I know too many very good people who served in ‘government’, how many laws are so deeply helpful to everyone, like the Americans with Disabilities Act, the Affordable Care Act, and the Family Medical Leave Act. How most things that we complain about are due to the influx of corporate control over government, and how reluctant the government is to tax corporations. Campaign finance reform would be the way to drain the ‘swamp.’  

Nevermind. I’m trying to chew all my food and not eat too much of it since my bariatric surgery in April as the evening wears on.

(I will post about the weight loss adventure one of these days…)

I’m glad we went. I’m glad to show my face in support of the senior center. Plus we got to visit with two folks I like. One of whom knew just how to care for a man who collapsed.

The other day, Kathleen walked into my over-decorated office and said, Jane I really need your help. Expecting to hear about a patient who was crying in the examining room and who would soon be ‘warmly handed off’ to me for counseling, I was surprised to hear she needed help with the first couple of rows of a 90-stitch knitting project. Could I cast on? Why of course. “Other duties as assigned.”

*****

In other news, we are adjusting to life with a dog. Since Valerie’s faithful Westie, Dudley, died about 7 years ago, she’s dog-sat various pooches and lived happily with my 13 year-old cat, Moe. Since Val’s pretty much retired from ranch irrigation, she’s now able to spend time with a dog. She was vocal about wanting some sort of poodle mix, because they are smart. Lake County is full of cow dogs, pit bulls, and lots of chihuahuas for some reason. When her daughter Hope saw a message on Facebook about a family needing to rehome a poodle mix, she signaled Valerie, and next thing we know, we have a dog named Griffey, named after a baseball player. He’d been born 6 years before in Maryland, and flown by a coworker’s father to a ranch here; Erin has a poodle breeding business. Poor Griffey apparently didn’t like being in a herd. That family rehomed him with a young couple who had a baby and worked long hours away from home. Griffey pooped in their bed. So Griffey came to us.

This pooch is very well behaved. Aside from chasing the cat, which we are trying to discourage, he obeys Valerie’s voice, loves going gallivanting in the desert every mid-day, and enjoys the cat food Moe turns her nose up at. We take him with us to town for church, and he sits in the truck, waiting for our return. Moe gets the house to herself for a few hours. We’ve become a family who lives with a dog. His current names include “Nickelplate” (which is cheap jewelry), “poor, sad dog”, Snicklefritz, and “Your dogliness.”

I swear there are 2 rush hours in Lakeview every weekday: one at lunch to let the dogs out to pee, and one at dinner for the same purpose, even if folks are going out to dinner later. The homeless people have dogs; the owners won’t go into subsidized housing if their dogs can’t come, too. Dogs and guns. Everyone has them. We don’t have guns. But we do have Griffey. Currently, Griff and Moe are negotiating how to sleep on their humans without hissing and growling at each other.  This is not going well; however, Moe, who’s never lived with a dog or encountered dogs in her sheltered life, is learning to hiss and swipe, which may be far more effective than us ordering Griffey to resist a primeval impulse to chase.

The other thing I’ve been doing is starting up and nurturing a group of women who knit, crochet, or want to learn. I miss knitting in a group, chatting, sharing stories about anything. These gatherings have been called “Stitch and Bitch”, but there is no bitching that I can tell. Occasional complaints about the wait service at the first venue we tried, which had but one worker and one cook for the entire restaurant. We moved to the bowling alley, a large building that has a cavernous party room with a wall protecting us from the racket of big ball bowling. The food has been better and the waitresses take good care of us. So TJ’s Family Fun Center is where we can be found on Wednesday evenings right after work.

I’m surprised by the enthusiasm, and we’ll see if it lasts. The very first gathering, there were 11 of us, and a couple women came to learn. I’m a pretty patient teacher, as long as you’re right handed. I’ve listed youtube videos in our facebook group for lefties, and lots of projects. Here are a couple that I finished this fall.

[eatgraypes]

✩ Prompts ✩

Feel free to request any of these to any character / person. You can request more than one, for example; #4 and #36.

1. “Fuck, s/he’s got me wrapped around her/his finger. I love them so much, ugh, I just… They’re the best thing to happen to me.” “That so?” “How long- uh, how long were you standing there?”

2. “I could kiss you!” “What’s stopping you?”

3. “You’re so fucking full of yourself.” “Soon you’ll be too,”

4. “Dickhead.” “Actually, my dick is in my pants and not on my head. If you don’t believe me you can come and check it yourself.”

5. “Go fuck yourself.” “/in a different language/ I’d rather you do that.”

6. “I’m flirting with you.”

7. “I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you say or do something stupid, you have to put a dollar in it.”

8. “If you die, I’m going to kill you.”

9. “Marry me?”

10. “Clearly our child would have my looks.”

11. “Is that a challenge?”

12. “Is that /name/’s jacket?”

13. “I’ve never seen someone so red before.”

14. “Please, don’t cry.”

15. “Is there a problem?”

16. “I’m sorry, what were you saying? I got lost in your eyes,”

17. “I’m pregnant.”

18. “I think we should have another.”

19. “I saw you staring at each other, I just wasn’t sure if it was sexual tension or murderous rage.”

20. “Shut up!” “I was just breathing!”

21. “This was a mistake.”

22. “I loved you, asshole!”

23. “That’s so stupid. Do it.”

24. “You sure you’re not the bad guy?”

25. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

26. “Are you hitting on her for me?”

27. “Are they… Are they fucking in my bedroom?”

28. “Can I kiss you?”

29. “Do you ever think if somebody heard our conversations, they’d lock us up?”

30. “Stop saying that!”

31. “You clean up nicely,”

32. “I look great.” “Don’t lie to yourself, that’s a sin.”

33. “Are you okay?” “Yeah, why?” “You’re wearing crocs.”

34. “Grab my hand and make it look believable.”

35. “Did you know?”

36. “Don’t go,”

37. “Gross. My soulmate’s you?”

38. “Stop smiling like that.”

39. “Eyes up here.” “Sh. It’ll get there eventually.”

40. “What are you, a fucking snake?” “Hissss, bitch.”

41. “Come to bed.”

42. “Back at you.”

43. “At least buy me a drink first.”

44. “Ah, classy.”

45. “I want a little brother.”

46. “Both of you are going to sit in this closet and either make a compromise, make out, or continue to hate each other and rot in here.”

47. “I can’t swim.”

48. Do you like me? Check yes or yes.

49. “You’re so childish.”

50. “You don’t have the fucking right to say that now.”

51. “You didn’t deserve any fucking thing I gave you.”

52. “Don’t give yourself so much credit.”

53. “Kiss me, I’ll explain later.”

54. “If the shoe fits, wear it.”

55. “How did you talk me into this?”

56. “I don’t hate you.”

57. “Did you just slap my ass?”

58. “If you weren’t my brother’s best friend your blood would be on my hands by now.”

59. “Feisty.”

60. “Who’s your crush?” “What are we, eight?”

61. “Hey, my friend thinks you’re cute.”

62. “We’re engaged!” “That’s… That’s great! He’s- a great guy.”

63. “You brought this woman into our bed!”

64. “If you keep bumping into me wearing such little clothing I don’t know how long it’ll be before I rip the remains off of you.”

65. “I’m not fucking cute!”

66. “This is wrong.”

67. “Ha! That’s what she said!”

68. “Have I entered an alternate universe, or did you just smile for me?”

69. “I’m over him!” “Are you really?” “No…”

70. “You need professional help.”

71. “I don’t deserve you.”

72. “No, no, no. Don’t die.”

73. “Just stay beside me, that would be enough.”

74. “You’re crazy.”

75. “You were flirting with him!” “My brother? That was my fucking brother.”

76. “Fuck, I feel like I’ve been hit by a car.” “You did get hit by one.” “Oh, right.”

77. “Why are we shopping for baby clothes- wait.”

78. “For some reason, I’m attracted to you.”

79. “I- I’m sorry.”

80. “Chill, bro.”

81. “Adorkable.”

82. “/in a different language/ Bitch.” “Google Translate told me you were talking shit.”

83. “You ran for two minutes, why are you sweating?”

84. “I don’t feel the same. I’m sorry.”

85. “Shoulda kissed me sooner.”

86. “Well, gee, thanks.”

87. “That’s hot.”

88. “Must be nice having a best friend like me.”

89. “Come over here and make me.”

90. “We can’t work with eachother, he’s impulsive!” “She’s incorrigible!”

91. “For once, we can agree on something.”

92. “You’re not the jackass I thought you were.”

93. “Careful waving that around!”

94. “I’m over it if you’re over it.”

95. “I love him, but he’s getting married.”

96. “I love her, but she’s getting married.”

97. “Since when could you sing?”

98. “Your ego is so big, I can see it grow.”

99. “Aren’t you a little ray of sunshine this morning.”

100. “I know that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it.”

101. “Y/N, why is your tongue purple?” “I had a blue slurpee.” “And I had a red one.” ( a friend asked y/n and y/n had a blue slurpee and character of choice had a red one )

102. “Fuck me,” “...” “Sorry, I meant ‘fight me,’ Damn autocorrect.” “This is a verbal conversation.”

103. “I’m going to Taco Bell, want anything?” “For Y/N to love me.” “Yeah, I’ve only got twelve dollars.”

104. “Say something nice and be yourself.” “Which? I can’t do both.”

105. “Can you answer questions without the sarcasm?” “Can you answer questions without the stupidity?”

106. “You from Heaven?” “Yeah, I’m a ghost. I died twenty years ago, just like that pickup line.”

107. “Fuck you.” “Was that an insult or a to-do-list?”

108. “Darn.” “Hey, I’m upset too but watch the fucking language.”

109. “Hey, I’m /name/ and you are?” “Questioning my sexuality.”

110. “Why are you following me?” “My mom told me to follow my dreams.”

111. “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by you again?”

112. “I’m cold.” “Well, damn, I can’t control the weather!”

113. “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I don’t want to see you there.”

114. “It hurts to see you with someone else.”

115. “You must be Jamaican, ‘cause Jamaican me crazy.”

116. “Quit with the fucking pickup lines.”

117. “That guy over there bought you a drink.” “Really? I already had one. Do you think he can buy me mozzarella sticks instead?”

118. “I have a permit.” “This just says ‘I do whatever I want.’”

119. “You want to go there?” “Oh, I went there, bought a house, moved in, and now I’m remodeling the kitchen.”

120. “I’m going to charge you for hurting my feelings, three bucks a minute.”

121. “I must be in Hell.” “Actually, it’s America. But don’t worry, a lot of people make that mistake.”

122. “What’s your problem?”

123. “We need to think straight.” “Well, shit, bye guys.”

124. “I fucking hate you!”

125. “No, get away from me.”

126. “God, I fucking love you.”

127. “Leave!”

128. “It doesn’t matter what they say.”

129. “Let’s raise a glass!”

130. “The thought of you scares me.”

131. “Thanks, that’d be twenty dollars.”

132. “Was that supposed to be charming?”

133. “I’d like you a lot more if your mouth wasn’t running a million miles a minute.”

134. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it!”

135. “I just want to go to one party, one party, where you aren’t trying to get me home as soon as possible.”

136. “We’ve been married for ten years, had a child, and I’m still addicted to you.”

137. “Aw, you had a crush on me!” “We’re married.”

138. “I’m torn between loving and hating you.”

139. “Pack up your shit and leave.”

140. “What you see is what you get. I’m easy to read.”

141. “How’d you know?”

142. “We’re acquainted.” 

143. “E-Expecting?”

144. “I’m pretty.. positive! Hah, get it? ‘Cause I’m pregnant?”

145. “What a fucking Goddess.”

146. “What a fucking God.”

147. “You make me want to be a better person.”

148. “Bursting through the door isn’t necessary!”

149. “Did you seriously just wipe your popcorn fingers on me?”

150. “I said no more dogs, and what did you do!? You got another dog!”

151. “I hope you choke on your own spit and die.”

152. “What’s a rubber?”

153. “Next time you’re hungover, I’m not going to hold your head out of the toilet. I’m gonna let you drown.”

154. “I’m only letting your little sibling put this God awful makeup on me because if I can impress your whole family then there’s a possibility that I can get into your pants later.”

155. “It’s really not that complicated.”

156. “Close the door on your way out.”

157. “It’s three in the morning.”

158. “I should have told you a long time ago.”

159. “Why are you helping me?”

160. “You have to leave right now.”

161. “Just trust me.”

162. “I’ve been waiting a long time.”

163. “You’re in love with her!”

164. “Come here.”

165. “What are you thinking about?”

166. “I thought you were dead.”

167. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

168. “Was that supposed to hurt?”

169. “I can explain.”

170. “Love is overrated.”

171. “Watch me.”

172. “I’ve missed this.”

173. “Sometimes, being a complete nerd comes in handy.”

174. “What a nerd.”

175. “Aren’t we breaking a stereotype? I’m supposed to be following around a football player but instead I’m talking to the biggest dork of the century.”

176. “We have to be quiet.”

177. “You’re trembling.”

178. “It was you, the whole time.”

179. “Does that answer your question?”

180. “This is why we can’t have nice things.”

181. “Say it again.”

182. “No, you don’t.”

183. “Prove it.”

184. “Do you regret it?”

185. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

186. “Lie to me, then.”

187. “You’ve thought about this haven’t you?”

188. “We need to talk about what happened last night.”

189. “I never stood a chance, did I?”

190. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

191. “Are you drunk?”

192. “I still remember.”

193. “I think about it, about you, every time.”

194. “How much of that did you hear?”

195. “What happens if I do this?”

196. “Why are you whispering?”

197. “You make me want things I can’t have.”

198. “I don’t want to screw this up.”

199. “People are staring.”

200. “How about now?”

201. “You did what!?”

202. “Fuuuuuuuck.”

203. “I need to slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.”

204. “I really felt a spark.” “I had pop rocks in my mouth.”

205. “I’m sorry, I just sneezed and liked your post.” “And commented ‘damn daddy’ on all of my selfies?” “I have the flu.”

[razzledazzlefoshazzle]

1-200?

200:

My crush’s name is: Cassie

199:

I was born in: 1998, Australia, NSW

198:

I am really: I am really annoyed that you wanna know so much about me anon y u do dis

197:

My cellphone company is: Optus

196:

My eye color is: Brown

195:

My shoe size is: 11 Australia Mens

194:

My ring size is: i dont know

193:

My height is: 181cm or 5′10″ i tihnk

192:

I am allergic to: NOTHING I AM UNSTOPPABLE

191:

My 1st car was: No Car

190:

My 1st job was: I was an assistant at some guys authentic pizza shop. He was an asshole and i shouldve killed him before quitting.

189:

Last book you read: Ready Player One

188:

My bed is: My bed is my one true love and warm machine luv u bb

187:

My pet:  I have 2 dogs they’re fluffy love muffins called Pepsi (boy) Bella (Girl) ill post photos of them later!

186:

My best friend:

@schotts-fired

at this point i have as many memes with Kat as i do my real life best friend.

185:

My favorite shampoo is: Really nice smelling ones.

184:

Xbox or ps3: PS3

183:

Piggy banks are: Piggy banks are dumb i have a golden pineapple for my spare change.

182:

In my pockets:  earphones.

181:

On my calendar: every friday i do stuff but thats it

180:

Marriage is: cool

179:

Spongebob can: produce good memes

178:

My mom: Isnt nice i probably wont talk to her once i move out.

177:

The last three songs I bought were?Buying? Songs?

176:

Last YouTube video watched: Masculinity by Mr Sark

175:

How many cousins do you have? at least 3

174:

Do you have any siblings? 3 Brothers and a Sister ive seen twice

173:

Are your parents divorced? Yes

172:

Are you taller than your mom? Hell yeah shes a goblin at like 150cm.

171:

Do you play an instrument? No

170:

What did you do yesterday? I slept, watched movies, complained about the internet being down.

[ I Believe In ]

169:

Love at first sight: Not unless its a dog

168:

Luck: No but if someone does something better than me they’re lucky >:(

167:

Fate: No

166:

Yourself: No

165:

Aliens: I wish they would fix everything

164:

Heaven: Questioning my religious beliefs lately

163:

Hell: ^

162:

God: ^

161:

Horoscopes: No but they’re funny to read

160:

Soul mates: No.

159:

Ghosts: NOT BUT LIKE ALIENS I WANT THEM TO BE REAL GHOSTS PLEASE BE REAL.

158:

Gay Marriage: Yah its about as good as straight marriage

157:

War: its about as shit as i am

156:

Orbs: what are these?

155:

Magic: Refer to both ghosts and aliens.

[ This or That ]

154:

Hugs or Kisses: Hugs

153:

Drunk or High: Drunk

152:

Phone or Online: Online

151:

Red heads or Black haired: Red Heads

150:

Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes

149:

Hot or cold: Cold

148:

Summer or winter: Winter

147:

Autumn or Spring: Spring

146:

Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate

145:

Night or Day: Night

144:

Oranges or Apples: Apples

143:

Curly or Straight hair: Straight

142:

McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds

141:

White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White Chocolate

140:

Mac or PC: PC

139:

Flip flops or high heals: High heals like healing in video games am i right?

138:

Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor

137:

Coke or Pepsi: Coke

136:

Hillary or Obama: Obama

135:

Burried or cremated: Burried so i may rise again!

134:

Singing or Dancing: Dancing

133:

Coach or Chanel: What

132:

Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:Who

131:

Small town or Big city: Big City

130:

Wal-Mart or Target: Target

129:

Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler

128:

Manicure or Pedicure: neither? 

127:

East Coast or West Coast: East coast cause western australia is a bunch of weirdos

126:

Your Birthday or Christmas: My birthday cause giving gifts is hard and spending time with people is easy.

125:

Chocolate or Flowers:Chocolate

124:

Disney or Six Flags: Disney

123:

Yankees or Red Sox: is that sports?

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122:

War: War Never Changes

121:

George Bush: He definitely did sleep with that woman.

120:

Gay Marriage: Good again!

119:

The presidential election: Trump is a rollercoaster of emotion ranging from bad to worse. At least the memes are good!

118:

Abortion: Choice

117:

MySpace: Had some pretty good games on it

116:

Reality TV: awful

115:

Parents:  My parents? Out of the 4 ive had i like one of them.

114:

Back stabbers: What kind of question is this i hate them.

113:

Ebay: Dont use ebay really.

112:

Facebook: The thing i use so real life friends can contact me its trash.

111:

Work: My experiences have been, less than pleasant.

110:

My Neighbors: I dont know any of my neighbours but they’re rude and dont reply to my hello’s.

109:

Gas Prices: i dont fucking know

108:

Designer Clothes: I dont care for clothes i wear tshirts and trackies all the time.

107:

College: No opinion on call egg.

106:

Sports: Fun to play boring to watch

105:

My family: i like my dad and my brothers

104:

The future: must be better than now?

[ Last time I ]

103:

Hugged someone: someone i wasnt related to like a month ago

102:

Last time you ate: literally always

101:

Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: last friday

100:

Cried in front of someone: fucking years ago i dont cry in front of people anymore

99:

Went to a movie theater: like a month ago

98:

Took a vacation: never

97:

Swam in a pool: 3 months ago

96:

Changed a diaper: never

95:

Got my nails done: a year ago

94:

Went to a wedding: also a year ago

93:

Broke a bone: never

92:

Got a peircing: never

91:

Broke the law: never

90:

Texted: couple hours ago

[ MISC ]

89:

Who makes you laugh the most: myself, anime

@schotts-fired

88:

Something I will really miss when I leave home is: the internet

87:

The last movie I saw: Taking of Pelham 123

86:

The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Finding my happiness again

85:

The thing im not looking forward to: my ex making social interactions awkward again

84:

People call me: Jack

83:

The most difficult thing to do is: get out of bed, finish breakfast

82:

I have gotten a speeding ticket: no

81:

My zodiac sign is: Sagittarius 

80:

The first person i talked to today was:

@whoneedsasociallife

79:

First time you had a crush: Primary School one of my Teachers

78:

The one person who i can’t hide things from: Nobody.

77:

Last time someone said something you were thinking: Constantly

76:

Right now I am talking to: Nobody

75:

What are you going to do when you grow up: Anything hopefully ill be happy

74:

I have/will get a job: Someday

73:

Tomorrow: Movies with dad, night with friends

72:

Today: nothing

71:

Next Summer: nothing

70:

Next Weekend: also nothing

69:

I have these pets: 2 diggity doggos

68:

The worst sound in the world: the sound my computer makes when it bluescreens while music it playing

67:

The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex

66:

People that make you happy: almost nobody

65:

Last time I cried: like 5 hours ago

64:

My friends are: trash shit garbage

63:

My computer is: absolute trash after so many issues im planning on getting a new one

62:

My School: sucked complete ass i was abused by a teacher

61:

My Car: doesnt exist

60:

I lose all respect for people who: no answer

59:

The movie I cried at was: anything that involves any form of friendship and love, or dogs dying

58:

Your hair color is: brown

57:

TV shows you watch: read my about

56:

Favorite web site: tumblr/youtube

55:

Your dream vacation: the fucking moon

54:

The worst pain I was ever in was: I had a cough last year that completely killed my voice and tore up my throat, coughed up blood

53:

How do you like your steak cooked: Well Done

52:

My room is: Clean and tidy af

51:

My favorite celebrity is: none

50:

Where would you like to be: in the future

49:

Do you want children: no

48:

Ever been in love: yes it fucking ruined me

47:

Who’s your best friend:

@schotts-fired

we already have more memes than my irl best friend

46:

More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends

45:

One thing that makes you feel great is: memes

44:

One person that you wish you could see right now: nobody tbh

43:

Do you have a 5 year plan: nope

42:

Have you made a list of things to do before you die: climb Mt. Everest, thats it

41:

Have you pre-named your children: nope

40:

Last person I got mad at: myself

39:

I would like to move to: a place with good internet

38:

I wish I was a professional: Twitch Streamer

[ My Favorites ]

37:

Candy: Red Licorice

36:

Vehicle: Shopping trolleys i guess

35:

President: Obama

34:

State visited: I dont travel

33:

Cellphone provider: Optus

32:

Athlete: None

31:

Actor: None

30:

Actress: None

29:

Singer: None

28:

Band: None

27:

Clothing store: None

26:

Grocery store:None

25:

TV show: Doctor Who

24:

Movie: Cant remember

23:

Website: Tumblr/Youtube

22:

Animal: Dogs

21:

Theme park: Wet n’ Wild

20:

Holiday: New Years

19:

Sport to watch: None

18:

Sport to play: None

17:

Magazine: None

16:

Book: Ready Player One

15:

Day of the week: Friday

14:

Beach: Nobbys Beach 

13:

Concert attended: None

12:

Thing to cook: Potato Bake

11:

Food: Pork Ribs

10:

Restaurant: Any place that sells pork ribs

9:

Radio station: None.

8:

Yankee candle scent: what

7:

Perfume: no

6:

Flower: any that can go in my hair like a hipster

5:

Color: Purple

4:

Talk show host: John Oliver

3:

Comedian: Louis C.K.

2:

Dog breed: Shiba Inu

1:

Did you answer all these truthfully? maybe i dont know myself

Fuck you anon you cant stop me im dedicated as heck and butts fight me.

:Update: I went and updated these cause my internet came back!

[stagesofabreakup]

Stages of a Breakup: Week 46

1. Wake up around 1:00pm

2. Immediately eat leftover pancakes

3. Talk

4. Make a plan to hang out with the now non-crush friend bro on Sunday

5. Watch some episodes of a YouTube drag talk show called, “Unnhhh”

6. Do a photo shoot with Nate!!!!!!!

7. He suggests you open the refrigerator and take the pictures in there

8. You guys do

9. It’s phenomenal

10. You feel special and goodish in your body

11. Order Chinese food

12. Edit pictures

13. Get food

14. EAT

15. Watch But I’m A Cheerleader for the first time

16. It’s incredible

17. Drink so much whiskey

18. Upload two of the photos you and Nate took

19. They get over a hundred likes in the first hour

20. Feel pretty and like you accomplished something

21. Watch 2 episodes of Ru Paul’s drag race

22. Split up the Chinese leftovers

23. Go home

24. Try to watch the end of XXX

25. Eat half a sandwich out of the trash and 3 bags of fruit snacks

26. More whiskey

27. Feel a little sick

28. Take a shower, wash your hair

29. Try to throw up

30. Can’t

31. Lay down

32. Stress about what time you’ll get up tomorrow cause it’s already 4:32am and there’s a lot you have to do

33. Wake up fine

34. See you have a facebook message from this guy you messaged like a week ago trying to reconnect you haven’t spoken with in literal years, he says he never checks facebook, to text him instead

35. Text him

36. Don’t hear back

37. Read a lot of posts about sexual assault between the Aziz Ansari thing and the theatre you did improv at in New Orleans which is in the midst of a scandal

38. Upload another picture of yourself from the photoshoot with Nate

39. Go to the gym

40. Buy three gel nail polishes for 6 dollars from a man on the street

41. Post about it in a beauty group

42. Get met with a BEAUTY CONSPIRACY THEORY about people who reproduce packaging and formula to sell for less and give you diseases

43. Feel so annoyed!!!!

44. Do three mics

45. Eat two free pizzas and two paid for beers

46. See Molly

47. Talk about the theatre/sexual assault thing in New Orleans

48. Have 1 ok set 2 bad ones

49. Find some abandoned books on a recycling bin

50. Take four of them

51. Including “Dry” by Augusten Burroughs that you read and loved in high school

52. Start re-reading it on the train home

53. Remember it is about an alcoholic living in NYC

54. Time for some self-examination baby!!!!

55. Get home

56. Keep reading

57. Binge eat

58. Drink a little

59. Sleep

60. Wake up with a lot of plans

61. Slowly abandon them all

62. Have a lost day

63. Talk to your dad and Grandma on the phone

64. Don’t leave the house once

65. Slowly get your period

66. But you have an IUD so you never fully get it there’s just a little brown blood hovering around

67. Eat like 15 packs of fruit snacks feverishly

68. Spend all day reading about the sexual assault situation unfolding in your old improv theatre in New Orleans

69. Feel ----------!!!!!!!!!!!!

70. Write a long post

71. Resign yourself to being inside

72. Eat too many chicken nuggets and mac and cheese and some leftover Chinese and a peanut butter and nutella sandwich and three IPA beers which you don’t even really like

73. Talk to one of your best friends from high school on the phone

74. Make a plan to talk to your friend Mary-Devon tomorrow morning on the phone for the first time since she got engaged and you miss her a lot

75. Feel better

76. Watch the new Katt Williams special

77. Love it

78. Write a review

79. Read your ex-boyfriend’s interview with him

80. Look at who shared it

81. One of them is a person who wrote, “My boyfriend does cool stuff”

82. Whoops you found his new girlfriend

83. Feel your stomach drop outside of your body

84. It’s 4:30 in the morning you can’t even call someone to walk you through these emotions

85. Look at her facebook

86. She is hot and thin and has tattoos

87. Her name is Chandler

88. Ugh

89. She’s a chef

90. Ugh

91. She has a chest piece and you remember him telling you he thought a chest piece would look really sexy on you

92. UGH

93. Some of her cover photos are bell hooks quotes

94. Lololol good luck with that!

95. Ugh you try to get out of there

96. She is pretty and thin and that makes you feel

97. Like human garbage

98. You have started your period today and you have a pimple on your chin and your body’s been off and on sweating all day so you’re slippery and gross some places and your hair is that of a fifth grade boy who likes fish sandwiches

99. Write a little in your journal about it

100. Write a snarky tweet you will probably regret

101. Thank Jesus in Heaven above you didn’t text him back so you can feel like you have one ounce of power in this hell of a situation you’re going to encounter in a few short weeks

102. On her profile she made their relationship facebook official but it’s not on his profile

103. Ugh

104. Wonder if his dog likes her

105. Think about them doing all the things you guys did plus more because she likes to cook and is probably outdoorsy or something

106. Wonder if you’re allowed to be mean to her because she’s thin

107. Feel relieved you’re going to talk to Mary-Devon tomorrow who’s met her and will know some things

108. Prep yourself to cry

109. Try not to think about losing a bunch of weight in the next month

110. Health

111. Body positivity

112. Hate this girl and your ex-boyfriend

113. Hope she’s lame and dumb and he’ll never love her the way he loved you

114. Doubt yourself

115. Feel inadequate

116. Remember you have a wonderful and engaging book

117. Also that it’s 5:14am now

118. Decide to leave the computer

119. But not this hell!!!!

120. Ugh

121. Wake up

122. You’re ok and alive!

123. Do laundry!

124. Talk on the phone with your friend Mary-Devon

125. It feels good

126. She tells you that girl is weird

127. And that your bodies aren’t that different

128. Feel roughly 80 times better

129. Laugh with her a lot

130. Catch up on some New Orleans comedy gossip

131. Get dressed

132. Go to work

133. Make some $$$

134. Call like 4 different people on the walk to the train because you want to talk to someone, get no one

135. Home tired

136. Gabe calls back!

137. Talk to your friend Gabe on the phone

138. Decide not to eat because it’s 12:30am

139. Go to sleep!!!!

140. Wake up naturally at like 10:30am!!!!!!!

141. Text with your friends Rachel & Molly about the new gf

142. Feel incredibly comforted after an extensive talk with Rachel about clothes being an extension of ourselves that we control

143. Take out ALL the recycling in your apartment that has been building up for weeks and is a huge pile

144. Find an entire Alaskan salmon and beef filet RAW/ROTTING that was in the bottom of your roommate’s Blue Apron that she never unpacked/found

145. Go to the gym

146. Feel good working out

147. See that there’s a Rainbow across the street from your train stop

148. Head in!

149. Gather a bunch of items to try, realize there’s no dressing room

150. This is your Russian Roulette

151. Buy four pieces WITHOUT TRYING THEM ON

152. Get home

153. Take a shower

154. Finish watch XXX and eat a TUB of salad

155. Try on all the clothes

156. Decide to keep 2, think about the other 2

157. Agree to make a tour poster for someone for money!!!!!

158. You’re worried about getting it done in time, and also the quality, but very excited as well!!!!!

159. Go to work in new leggings

160. Make 85 dollars, meet some beautiful foreign gays

161. Realize you haven’t lived until a beautiful gay man whispers in your ear, “Did my husband tip you?”

162. Pack a lot of free food in cups

163. Ride the train home

164. Your feet hurt so much from standing

165. Cancel escorting at an abortion clinic so you can go to the Women’s March tomorrow with your friend Ariel

166. Be so excited!

167. Prepare yourself for 6 hours of sleep

168. Wake up feeling exhausted but excited

169. Stare into your phone for a solid 15 minutes before being able to physically move

170. Eat weird bean sandwiches you took from work last night for breakfast

171. And some carrots

172. Get dressed

173. Bring your work stuff with you

174. Have one of the most terrible train rides of your time here so far-nothing crazy happened you just felt really claustrophobic and people kept sneezing without covering their noses & someone was wearing a very intense perfume

175. Finally get out of the train

176. Meet Ariel!!!!!!!

177. She gives you feminist pins to wear!!!!!

178. Run into another friend on the train

179. Go to the Women’s March!

180. March for a little

181. Stand for a little

182. See a girl whose boyfriend is a Trump supporter…….get outta here!!!!!

183. Try to march

184. Get thwarted by the police 2 different times

185. Sneak into the Museum of Natural History with your friend Ariel to go to the bathroom

186. Stay

187. Explore in there for a while

188. Leave

189. Rejoin for like another hour

190. Take a stroll through Central Park

191. Get Mexican food!

192. Hang and talk

193. Go to the gym

194. Go to work

195. Do a three hour party

196. Get good tips

197. Have fun!

198. Lose your voice

199. Go home

200. Write a long status about the women’s march at 2:30 in the morning that probably won’t get any likes

201. Text this guy you kind of have a crush on but he is seeing someone else but is taking you out to dinner to apologize for leading you on/misunderstanding/friendship?

202. Feel wayyyy better about this whole thing/seeing your ex-bf/him having a gf

203. Feel honestly grateful to him bc maybe if he hadn’t hurt you so much you wouldn’t have left New Orleans/gotten to New York

204. Be excited for your single life!!!!!!!!!!!

205. Wake up at 10 something

206. Go back to sleep until 1:00

207. Stay in bed

208. Eat cake for breakfast and macaroni and cheese from the trash and leftover Chinese food

209. Have trouble motivating

210. Do bed stuff

211. Go to the gym

212. Return a blue velvet dress to Rainbow across the street

213. Work out but it’s hard

214. Stall there for a long time

215. Go back to Rainbow

216. Get really excited about buying sexy clothes for Mardi Gras

217. Spend 84 dollars

218. Have the female cashier look at what you’re buying and say, “For you?” and when you confirm she says, “It’s not gonna fit it’s too small”

219. Feel awash with too many negative emotions to separate and name

220. Feel robbed of the joy you’ve had about your body for the past three days

221. Swallow some tiny tears

222. Put one thing back

223. Still get the rest

224. Walk home in sadness

225. It’s alright

226. Eat in a way that if drawn in cartoon would look like a sugar tornado

227. Drink a spiked seltzer & 1 beer

228. Text your friend good luck who’s opening for Rory Scovel

229. Finally start at 9:30pm on this poster project you have put off all day

230. Put on Love Actually to watch while you draw

231. The Lord of the Rings

232. Finish somewhere during Lord of the Rings

233. It’s not perfect but it’s ok and you can hopefully clean it up tomorrow on the computer when you scan it in at the library

234. Feel ok

235. Stalk your ex-boyfriend and his new gf on fb a little

236. Feel still ok but less so? But still ok

237. She’s 26 and that’s truly insane because you’re 28 and he’s 37 and you felt like THAT was a big age difference but hey

238. Take a shower which you DESPERATELY need

239. Mentally decide to try on clothes afterwards, also sleep which is key