#blood bag is an interesting episode
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annabelle--cane · 1 year ago
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oh mate you absolutely deserve those ecology lectures martin gives you
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ecoterrorist-katara · 8 months ago
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Zutara, romance novels, and the female gaze
Okay so I’ve been thinking about the female gaze a LOT so I checked out a subreddit about romance novels, despite never having read one. I came across this meme (which was initially a Tumblr post and then got posted to Instagram and then to Reddit and I’m now bringing back to Tumblr — Internet telephone, pls never change):
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And…what is The Southern Raiders, if not a platonic grovel? Katara’s pain is central to the episode. It’s central to Zuko. Zuko asks Katara what he can do to make up for his betrayal; she demands the impossible. He reads between the lines, cockblocks her brother to get the necessary information, and then waits outside her door overnight (which he also did for Iroh, the one person we know for sure he loves). He basically makes himself a receptacle for her rage, and he holds space for her by coming with her on her revenge quest and carrying their bags and not saying a damn thing about what she should and should not do beyond like…asking her to rest. And obviously the grovel works! She forgives him and then they’re thick as thieves, bantering and fighting and saving each other’s lives, etc.
On a different note, I’ve been told that enemies to lovers is one of the biggest tropes in romance novels, similar to YA lit and fanfic. Here’s something else I found in the romance novel discourse:
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And…yeah. In TSR, Katara really does show Zuko her worst self, because she doesn’t feel the need to perform for him. She doesn’t feel the need to perform moral perfection OR cold blooded vengeance. She bloodbends in front of him and he just goes with it. She doesn’t kill Yon Rha and he just goes with it. He doesn’t treat her any differently afterwards. Maybe they talk about it off screen, but I kind of like the idea that they don’t, because Katara doesn’t need to explain anything. And it’s so interesting, because some people in the ATLA fandom have a totally different read on TSR. They think Zuko was encouraging Katara to get revenge (by what, keeping his mouth shut?), and that Aang is the one who acts as her moral compass. I believe that either Bryan or Mike said in the DVD commentary that Aang is the angel on her shoulder the entire time. And this interpretation does make sense if you see it from the male gaze, where Katara as an object of affection is acting in an angry, irrational, threatening way. But if you see it from the female gaze, you recognize that actually it’s probably the most emotionally taxing experience Katara has to go through, and she doesn’t owe it to be nice or perfect to anybody. Katara’s formative trauma literally comes to a head, and she has to make a decision — no, a discovery — about who she is in relation to the tragedy that defines her life and even her identity (as a waterbender, as a parentified child who becomes the mom friend, as a genocide victim), and she’s accompanied by someone who trusts her judgement and validates her feelings.
I’m not saying TSR is explicitly romantically coded, but when it conforms so well to romance novel tropes…is it any wonder that so many people thought “yes this is her man?” And then he takes lightning in the heart for her and reaches for her when he’s literally dying, I will never be normal about that either
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justanotherhh · 6 months ago
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some trailer things:
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big fight around lust/ozzie's place that involves m&m and loona + we know fizzarolli is going to make another appearance, so i wonder how that'll connect potentially. also, new villain?
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obvs the whole section of CHERUB working with DHORKS and this massive thing/portal:
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john waters big villain episode???? (ghostfuckers from the looks of things)
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also more crossdressing in that same episode + millie vs possessed blitz? both millie and blitz giving some evil dead type vibes?
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more on stolas' whole social sphere and potential judgement and hell's class politics related to his dating blitz + p much confirmed that blitz will not take stolas' gift in the spirit it was intended
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also, "you fucks think you can do this every time-" feels not just like it's about the wider class issues in hell, but maybe like it's personal (potentially with verosika? although it does seem like it's canon that he had more than a little bit of a hand in ending that relationship, so could just be him echoing everything he's been seeing in the treatment of imps and putting that onto stolas in this moment)
and then "thank you blitz, for making me so happy, even for a little while" is during this moment too. lot of teasers for how this is gonna go down (badly, upsettingly, emotionally)
the whole "do you feel any remorse for what you do" feels like a misdirect -- that is, it's edited to look like it's about blitz, but i feel like it's directed at stella or her brother
generally a lot of fun stolas visuals that i won't get into here, but am excited to see more contexts for
also this isn't new, but im always interested in blitz's heart/broken-heart forehead marking
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blitz and tilla moment! generally more flashbacks (in the shape of blitz seeming to be almost at the movies, watching his own "failures") around the time of the fire! i didn't see any barbie stuff, alas, but the rest of it looks !!! also lowkey confirmed it was cash who stopped blitz from seeing fizz in hospital
who's this?
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another sin? maybe related to ozzie and/or stolas and that judgement of the kinds of people they love?
blitz protecting stolas - maybe from the above, considering the hand motif of it all... stolas really living the life of blitz as a romantic hero, while blitz is barely holding it together as a person the whole time. different genres, my guys. different genres (that's their real communication issue)
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this fuck-you-blitz cake looks like a verosika thing to do, esp considering it's her calling him shitty in the VO -- but yay, maybe giving that verosika catharsis, but also generally just verosika!
also the VO part where he says he doesn't want to be this way, he's wearing the same shroud as during his confrontation with verosika. idk, im just. contexts for things. i am curious
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is the below also the same episode? I'd think so. it's set during halloween (?) and blitz is then maybe in the blood-covered shroud (costume? undercover? going undercover as a ghost? post-breakup stalking undercover ghost costume?)
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MAMMON! and he looks pleased. oh dear.
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this blitz + fizz moment
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it kinda looks like blitz is wearing the same tee as when he and stolas have their moment + a horse bag + fizz casual wear. fizz generally in this trailer seems to be having the best time (outside the flashbacks). everything makes me suspicious all the time
(also generally hello all the different outfits coming up!!)
fascinated by this:
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is that millie?
things we didn't see:
no barbie, no striker, no crimson, no asmodeus (directly, although his imagery is everywhere + fizz and mammon appear), no paimon -- this not to say none of them will show up, but am enjoying that a lot of this is clearly pulling from s1, with the focus on verosika, DHORKS, and CHERUB -- potentially a lot of the s2 villains need some time to lick their wounds a bit (and paimon was never a Villain, just a terrible parent... if he ever returns though...)
and barbie... i do want to see barbie again soonish ngl, she needs some proper introducing, but this is already giving so much callback and continuation of immediate plot-threads, very excited
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constellationguy · 3 months ago
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Another Perspective
Episode one
“Text”: regular talking
‘Text’: regular thinking
“Text”: Saiki talking telepathically
‘Text’: Saiki thinking
ATTENTION! You might want to rewatch episode one of The Disastrous Life of Saiki K before reading.
Summary: Episode 1 in L/N Y/N’s perspective.
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It was a very normal day for Y/N L/N, school felt like forever and the only thing that got them through the day was the promise of an after school nap, they were now walking home to take said nap. Y/N was actually in a good mood when walking home, the weather was nice and cool and they knew they had cold water waiting for them in the fridge, the neighborhood was quiet, the perfect conditions for a nap.
They were in a great mood all the way up until they saw their neighbor sitting outside of his own house. Once they saw Mr. Saiki on his doorstep, they knew they weren’t going to have a really good afternoon. Y/N knew they should have greeted Mr. Saiki but ever since he and his wife started fighting it always felt so awkward to talk to either of them.
Y/N quietly walked past the Saiki residence to not catch Mr Saiki’s attention then quickly made it inside. Unfortunately the son of the Saiki family, Kusuo, also went to Y/N’s school so they knew he wasn’t to far behind them. As soon as they took their shoes off and put their school bag away they could hear their neighbors talking from outside the door and not to long after that the shouting started.
“Damn it. I just got home and the neighbors were already shouting.” All Y/N could do grumble and try not to focus on what their neighbors were saying, kinda hard when all they do nowadays was yell at each other. Y/N tried to push the thoughts of their neighbors to the back of their mind as they put on their headphones and started making dinner.
While making their dinner Y/N could barely hear their neighbors over their music, which sadly meant they were still shouting. But as soon as they sat down to eat the neighbors finally quieted and Y/N let out a sigh. ‘Finally quiet’ they thought. Y/N could finally relax and eat in peace. However as soon as they lifted up their fork to take another bite they heard loud glass shattering from next door.
“Okay, that’s it. I’m going to eat in my room.”
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Today was the most boring day for 542 students of PK Academy, today was the day of orientation. It was tradition at PK Academy for the principal to make a speech for orientation day but as it always was, the speech was longwinded and boring.
Every single student had to stand in one large neat group while orientation droned on and on. ‘What I wouldn’t give to walk out right now’, the students thought collectively. Y/N thought the same until they saw movement a couple rows in front of them.
“Hey buddy,” it was just Nendo being Nendo, nothing to get too interested in Y/N thought before spacing out again to the voice of the principal. Not a minute later Y/N heard a thud that took them out of their thoughts.
“He passed out!” “Low blood sugar?”
“AAAAAA, what happened buddy are you alright?!” Nendo said as he started to shake the passed out kid.
‘This can’t be good’, thought Y/N. Since no one was really doing anything and was just watching Nendo make a fool of himself, Y/N got the attention of the closest teacher and pointed at Nendo punching whom they assumed was Takahashi.
“Nendo what do you think you’re doing?! Take him to the nurse” the random teacher said.
“Uh the nurse oh okay right!”, Nendo said sounding confused. “Hey Saiki, why don’t you go with the two of them, I don’t trust Nendo to find it.” After the teacher spoke, Y/N heard a little “damn it” from their neighbor Saiki. ‘Damn, I kinda wish I could also get out of this but keeping track of Nendo might be worse, sorry Kusuo’ thought Y/N. Not long after that Nendo put Takahashi’s arm over his shoulder and took him to the nurse’s office with Saiki following close behind.
After the three left, orientation continued like Takahashi passing out never happened. ‘And hell continues’ thought Y/N.
About ten minutes later Y/N heard an ambulance siren coming from the school’s entrance. ‘Oh shit! Takahashi must be in bad condition,’ Y/N thought worriedly. Not too long after that Y/N also heard a “You can beat this man!” from Nendo.
‘Hope they turn out okay,’ thought Y/N.
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In room 2-3 Y/N sat quietly while observing their other classmates during break. People watching was what Y/N did when they didn’t have their headphones. Y/N wasn’t paying attention to any conversations in particular until someone in the back of the class said that a snake from the zoo was on the loose. Now that was an entertaining thing to talk about.
“Are you boys sure it escaped? An animal attack is just the sort of plan they’d come up with,” Kaido said with a superior tone, guess he was also eavesdropping.
“But fear not, I, the jet black wings, am never fooled by their evil deception. Someone must have set that snake free on purpose,”
‘Okay this is getting fun, I wish I had a snack right now. This feels like watching tv,’ Y/N thought while looking at the group of students no so suddenly.
“Hang on! You know the guy that did this Kaido?”
“Some wanna be super villain called the black wings”
“No I’m the jet back wings, the hero. The villain is a secret organization named Dark Reunion. And this escaped snake thing is the first step in their plot to sort man kind!”
“DARK REUNION!” a group of student shouted.
‘Okay this is the most entertaining thing I’ve seen in a while,” Y/N giggled.
“Who? Geez. Never heard of them.” The whole group said as they dispersed.
‘Damn, just when it was getting good,’ Y/N huffed at their entertainment coming to an end.
“Ah huh, once again the fate of the world has fallen into our super powered laps, eh Saiki?” Kaido said, still in his persona.
“Saiki, what’s your read? I don’t like this one bit. This snake which I’ve named “murder dragurom snake” is likely no ordinary snake!” “That’s quite the dramatic name,” Kusuo said quietly.
“It’s also likely that Dark Reunion genetically engineered murder dragurom sake, specifically kill people! We’re running out of time here Saiki. The world is counting on us to stop that slavering-
“Hey good news! They caught the snake!” Some random student shouted, again ruining Y/N’s entertainment found in Kaido.
“Well that’s a relief, where did they find it?
“At the school’s front gate, it was just kinda laying on the ground half dead.” Kaido perked up from his pouting state and then looked shocked while his inner monologue was clearly running.
“Kay why was it half dead?”
“Some first graders were whipping it around.”
“That’s one weak ass murder snake,” Kusuo said. ‘Okay now that’s funny,’ Y/N thought while trying not to laugh aloud.
“Sounds like we beat Dark Reunion this time.” “Be careful why you say! They’re an all powerful secret society. “Who knows what they’ll do to you when they sort man kind,” students said sarcastically and laughing.
“Heh, go ahead and laugh. This is the calm before the storm. Dark Reunion in coming, I tried to warn you all I swear.” The first half was in character and the second sounded as if he was gonna cry.
‘Damn that was harsh. Oh look, Kusuo must be getting up to comfort Kaido. What a good friend.” Thought Y/N.
“It’s like he’s in elementary school. One time he said there’s a monster in his arm. You guys it’s starting to take over my whole body!” The kids continued to mock. Then suddenly a snake fell out of the kid’s jacket arm. Then the class fell into chaos.
In the panic students were shouting and some students started to sit in their desks to get away from the snake on the floor. “What a bunch of dorks,” said Nendo not at all freaked out.
“Are your guys balls still attached?”
“Worry about yours!”
“Cause mine feel weird.”
“Well obviously they do! The snake’s on your crotch!”
“NENDO” the class shouted as Nendo seem to pass out while standing up then quickly falling to the floor dramatically.
“EVERYBODY GET DOWN, I’ll take care of this snake,” Kaido said confidently while getting in between the class and the snake.
“KAIDO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!l
“Alright, murder dragurom snake it’s time you face me, the jet black wings! Let’s go,” then Kaido make an anime esc pose.
“So we’re having a fake super hero face a real poisonous snake now?”
When the snake started to slither towards a girl, Kaido blocked the snakes path. “Take this! JUDGMENT NIGHT SON-” FLASH. The snake was being electrocuted!
“YAAAAA” the class erupted in celebration while Kaido looked confused then in awe of himself.
‘Holy shit. Are we sure this wasn’t filmed? How the hell did that happen!’ Y/N thought loudly.
And thus the great snake attack came to an end.
Unfortunately Kaido took this one off experience to heart and was rather arrogant until he was sent to the principal’s office.
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Today Y/N was on a mission, to go grocery shopping! Normally this wouldn’t be such an adventure but today they got their allowance and wanted to spend it on a sweet treat as a reward for doing chores.
“Oh wow!” “Oh wow!” “Oh wow!” When Y/N heard the noise of countless people in shock, they knew Teruhashi was near by. They tried to ignore her presence because when she is near by things either go really smoothly or they spiral out of control, Y/N didn’t want to take that risk today.
But suddenly ignoring Teruhashi became extra difficult as she ran up to the man I front of Y/N, Kusuo Saiki. “Saiki, hi! I couldn’t help but notice you looked sad.” ‘Uh oh, this can’t be good. I’ll have to talk to her if she notices me. Oh dear, why’d I pick today to go out?’ Y/N thought while regretting ever leaving their bed.
Oddly enough, Kusuo just bowed slightly and continued walking, this irked Teruhashi so she continued to try and get a reaction out of Kusuo.
“Saki, silly, know it’s not polite to ignore a girl.” Teruhashi said as she looked walked in front of Kusuo. However Kusuo made less of a deal with it and continued walking.
‘Never mind, this is getting entertaining! I’m so glad she hasn’t noticed me, this made getting out of bed worth it. Why is Teruhashi doing this? Why is she so shocked? Whatever, I’m having fun now,’ thought Y/N a little smugly.
“Saiki don’t leave me alone!” ‘Kusuo dodged again, brutal!’ YN thought only feeling a little bad for Teruhashi. Kusuo kept walking ahead while Teruhashi was frozen in place, Y/N then had to stop too, not wanting to be seen by Teruhashi.
“Saiki, hi~” ‘And she’s back at it!’ Y/N thought excited with enthusiasm.
“Where are you going? Do you mind if I tag along with you? I promise it’ll be fun Saiki!” Teruhashi said while repeatedly trying to grab at Kusuo, he is still dodging though.
Through the crowd Y/N’s attention was drawn to Nendo, then they noticed that Saiki disappeared.
“Oh no! Where did Saiki go? What’s going on?!” Y/N was thinking the same thing, until they saw Saiki on the roof. ‘Oh damn. I didn’t know acknowledging someone was that deep.’ Y/N thought before quickly taking their eyes off Saiki, they didn’t want to draw attention to him being on the roof.
“Saiki!!” Teruhashi called out.
“Nendo?”
“Oh wow Teruhashi!”
“Do you know where Saiki went?”
‘Oh shit, gotta hide!’
“Uh buddy? Nope, I haven’t seen him.”
Teruhashi was spacing off as Nendo continued to talk, all the while she had a prominently blushed face. ‘Uh oh, I bet that’s gonna cause some problems,’ Y/N thought while walking away.
Y/N was snickering as they walked away until Kusuo teleported right in front of them.
“What are you laughing at?” Kusuo questioned, clearly annoyed.
“You.” Y/N answered while still chuckling.
“You could have done something to get her off me you know.”
“And what would be the fun in that?” Y/N continued to joke.
“You know just because we are childhood friends and neighbors doesn’t mean I won’t burn you alive?” Kusuo said walking beside Y/N.
“Ya, ya, don’t worry I’ll buy you a coffee jelly for your troubles, okay?” Y/N said more softly and careful than before.
“Okay,” Kusuo said quickly.
“Hey Kusuo, are we still on for movie night tomorrow?” Y/N asked while smiling at his reaction.
“As long as you bring those coffee brownies I love,” Kusuo said half joking.
“You got it. Well, I got some groceries to buy. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Y/N said, waving Saiki goodbye then walking off. Y/N’s now determined to make the best damn brownies of Kusuo’s life.
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Next episode
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reignof-fyre · 4 months ago
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So, I skimmed through the episode and I'm honestly so fucking disgusted with these writers. They're trying to make us sympathise with a literal rapist and cold blooded murderer (aegon and aemond) and trying to make us hate daemon and giving him some weird ass Freudian bullshit with Daemon when it makes NO SENSE whatsoever????? They're really trying to make Daemon the villain when it's so fucking clear that the villains are Alicent, Otto, Criston, Aegon, and Aemond.
Let's not get me started about the bullshit with Corlys whining that Rhaenyra has taken enough from the Velaryons when it was CORLYS HIMSELF who all but demanded she marry his son so his blood could get on the throne????? What. The. Fuck. Is goin' on?
The writers of hotd are worse than d&d at this point, pulling scrabble tiles from a bag and throwing them around. They're clearly illiterate dumb ass fuckin wankers who can't write for shit or READ the source material or PICK UP A PHONE and call GRRM, the AUTHOR and creator of these characters.
All my gasts are flabbered and I'm severely losing interest in this fandom and continuing my hotd fanfics because all my inspiration is being drained out of me
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sameschmidtdiffname · 9 months ago
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hai i have a request for a mike fic, so i was thinking of a comfort/hurt type of thing and maybe like a “i didn’t know where else to go” kind of trope where reader shows up to his house in the middle of the night distressed and he comforts her
To All I Think is Safe
Mike Schmidt x Gender Neutral! Reader
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Summery: After a family dinner gone awry, something guides you somewhere where your mind can safely wander in better memories than the ones you're making right now.
Tags: No use of Y/N, no specific pronouns for Reader, mentions of arguments, heavy disassociation, heavy nosebleeding, flashbacks, first kiss, date, fear of heights, fair date, author is fucking trying, fluff.
Notes: I think my bosses want me dead. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.
                     ��︎◇{¤♧■♧¤}◇▪︎
I can handle family. Who can't handle family?
The part of me knocking on the green door illuminated only by the orange streetlight a few yards away, trying to peak through one of the three window slots on the door to see if there's any sign of life inside of the modest house, praying that there is out of selfish desperation. That's who.
I hadn't called. Hadn't given notice. I'd been too caught up in the emotions of myself to do so, worried I'd be turned away if I had. The thought makes me feel ill now, my mind chastising me for such a self interested act.
For a moment I almost turn to leave, sure that no one is awake and that I've simply wasted the gas in the trip over here. But at the loud clunk of the door unlocking, I feel my heart jump and sink simultaneously as Mike peaks his head through the crack in the door, bags under his eyes and hair tossled from sleep.
"Hey," he croaked, blinking away the sleep as his tired face managed a look of surprise.
"Hey," I said softly, trying not to let my voice crack. But it does. "Is this a bad time?"
I don't know what gives my state away. Maybe it's how swollen my face is, puffy and burning from the overexposure to salt water. I can already feel the skin on my eyes balloning in a disastrously unattractive manner. Maybe it's the snot that's still on my face even after trying desperately to wipe it away, my problem being I'd run out of napkins in my car some time ago and hadn't replaced them, so I'd been resorted to just trying my best to sniff back the snot or use the arm of my jacket, which is now soaked and covered by my hand to conceal it, to wipe it away. God, it's fucking sticky and I feel gross. I don't understand why the snot won't just stop fucking flowing.
"Shit, you're bleeding," Mike says. His eyes widen as he steps forward, instantly dragging me into the house, down the hall and into the bathroom.
Oh. That's why my head hurts.
The white light is blinding and overstimulating in the small, disorganized room. One glance in the mirror and I can see the bottom half of my face is grossly smeared in the snot-blood combo running from my nose, my eyes bloodshot and more dry than a British comedy from all of the tears. I stare at myself for a moment, hardly even realizing Mike is yanking my coat off of me, stroking my hair and trying to ask me questions about what happened. I can hear his voice but the words are muffled, and even though my eyes are staring at him now, I don't know when I turned to face him or what I'm really looking at. I'm just staring at anything. My mother used to call it 'staring off into space.' It's actually a disassociation episode. The kind that can make me lose myself in other thoughts, making me distant from reality where I assume the worst of things.
I'm rational enough to know not to lean into him. If I throw myself into his arms I'll smear my shit everywhere and then he'll be grossed out and will have to play nice after I interrupted his sleep to beg for comfort that should come easily enough from my aforementioned mother, but clearly I'm adult enough now that I don't need coddling and I shouldn't have driven here and-
Am I saying this out loud? Because my mouth is moving and I'm trying to say something but I'll be honest, my head is in disarray and Mike looks worried. Me too, buddy. Me too.
My hands try to help his find a wash cloth in his closet, trying to be useful, but they're covered in snot and blood too and it's dried and horrid looking and I just feel like some sticky toddler that's wailing over nothing because that's what I'm doing, and I'm trying not to dissolve into a new wave of tears because my eyes really, really hurt and I'm gonna end up hiccuping and sobbing and I shouldn't even be here right now.
Mike's hands wrap around mine and he's trying to pull me somewhere. But he won't get out of my way, tugging me forward and blocking me like it's some game. Then I realize it's him he's trying to drag me to, and I try to push away, not wanting to get him dirty or let him fulfill some duty of pity just because he feels obligated seeing me in such a state. He's touching my hair and there's snot in that too and this is all just entirely too much, making me burst out sobbing once more as I try to hide my face in my arm, feeling all too vulnerable and alone while in a house that's not mine in any way, shape or form. But his arms feel nice around me, and he's guiding me to the bathtub and helping me lay down inside of it. When he pulls away I'm paranoid for a second that he'll turn the shower head on and wash me like a drunk, especially when he reaches for the shower handles. He presses a clean, white cloth to the spout and let's just a little bit of water out to wet the washcloth before turning the water off and coming closer to me, dabbing and wiping gently at the drying mixture on my face.
There's a long while of silence. Him carefully washing me, his touch gentle and caring as I feel the wet glumps with dried crusts fade away. The pounding in my head begins to dull to an overwhelming ache, making me shut my eyes as I softly groan. When I think he's done I dare peaking at him from under my lashes, trying to read his mind. His brows are furrowed, probably in disgust. Lips pressed together as he sits on the balls of his heels,, watching me carefully. Most likely he'll let me sleep on the couch and then kick me out in the morning. I'll be lucky if I get the "We should see other people" speech. I wouldn't blame him if my calls just couldn't connect when I get home, leaving me to wonder what could've been if I hadn't been so selfish.
I don't even know the time for fucks sake.
"I'm not crazy," I say in this broken voice that only a crazy person would have.
I don't know what's funny, but he's laughing. His hand reaches out to stroke my cheek, and he feels so warm. His callouses have this smooth texture to them. Working hands. It's the first thing I noticed when we held hands the first time. It was at some carnival thing, and Abby was with us. It was sweet under those neon lights. The rides always look so cheap, but there's something enchanting in that. It's what I focus on now as my mind finally begins to relax, allowing me the guilty pleasure of mentally slipping away into an actual memory instead of just static filling my mind and drowning everything else out unpleasantly.
"I know," Mike says softly, his thumb stroking the raw skin under my eye as he watches me with a gentle smile, one probably meant to hide his contempt. "You're okay."
The rides had these giant speakers built into them. And the workers would play songs from them, loud enough it was blaring in your ear on the ride but it was a reasonable volume when you were just walking around on the wet, overgrown and matted grass that curls around the giant cables Mike and I both had to be irritating about reminding Abby not to trip on, both of us looking down to watch for them more than looking at anything else.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Mike asks gently. He's always so gentle. Well, not always.
"Ope, someone lost their drink," I said to Mike, pointing at a spilled lemonade on the dirt path that had been created by decades of the county fair foot-traffic.
"Five second rule," Mike said, his voice low and teasing in my ear, making me burst out laughing.
"That's fucking disgusting!" I exclaimed, looking at him incredulously. A mother passing by snapped 'hey!' At me, tugging her child harshly behind her as she glared. I blushed, covering my mouth with my hand at the outburst, which made Mike laugh just as hard as I just had.
I suppose I have to talk about it. I can't really just not show up at his doorstep in the middle of the night and not just explain myself. But my teeth feel cemented together, my throat full of glue that halts the words I could use to inform him of why I look like this. And my eyes are too tired to make contact with his. So I just melt into his hand, pressing it between my cheek and my shoulder. And he doesn't press any more.
"I always liked the rides that made me feel like I was flying," Mike said as we watched Abby spin round and round with some girl she often spent her days with. Lisa Something.
"Yeah?" I asked, turning to look at him, taking a drink from the giant lemonade that was not at all real lemonade and was instead some horrid sugar that's taking five years off of our lives mixed with whatever makes the color of the drink the same as construction workers glow-in-the-dark vests that I'm sure will have like, ten different studies on how it gives you some cardiovascular disorder from overexposure in twenty years. There's a waxy ring of chapstick around my straw, so it's easy to tell which one to drink from. Mike had gotten just the one giant drink and two straws, shoving them in with a smooth smile as he handed me the already sweaty, Pepsi branded cup to hold while we walked. I think he didn't know that I noticed the twelve year old boy who'd been five people ahead of us in line do the same thing with his date earlier, but it was a cute gesture nonetheless.
"Yeah. I don't know why, it just felt comforting. Wind fuckin' up my hair and shit," he said, hands shoved in his jean pockets as he watched the two girls, who are sticking their tongues out at us as they whirl by.
"What, like you were flying away from your problems?" I ask, genuinely guessing.
"Nah, I don't really think of it like that. Just felt like I was somewhere else for a bit. Could close my eyes and the only anxiety I felt was whether or not Genie there was gonna fucken drop me," he said, glancing at me and smirking as he points at the giant airbrushed painting of Genie from Aladdin on the side of the ride. That's definitely not licensed.
"Have you eaten?" Mike asks softly, coming a little closer to me as his other hand cups my opposite cheek. At that I shake my head, pressing my lips together.
"It was all just some giant fiasco," I said as I laughed while trying to aim my basketball for the hoop several feet in front of me. Mike's made like five goals in a row and is proudly holding a very cheap rainbow dolphin with lopsided eyes for me while he watches me struggle just to get one.
"What, your prom date?" He teased, leaning closer to my ear as I take a shot. And miss. Again. "Or this?"
I turned to him, glaring and trying to suppress my amused smile.
"The date was fine, my hair was horrid," I said, turning away from the man working the booth who was trying to convince me to try again.
"I always like your hair," Mike says softly, one hand stroking my hair as he presses his forehead against mine. God, why won't he just tear into me already? The anticipation is fucking killing me.
I open my mouth to respond, but I just hiccup instead. At that he gently helps me up, guiding me out of the bathroom and leading me into the kitchen where he promises a leftover bowl of chicken noodle soup has my name written all over it in the fridge.
There's a thousand insecure questions I want to ask right now. Does he hate me? Will he hate me? Is this just a prelude to an awful breakup? But instead I just cling to my thoughts quietly, not wanting an answer to anything. Reality fading in and out of focus.
The kitchen is quiet as he moves about, dishing out the leftovers and putting them in the cheap, stained microwave he'd had to buy when Abby blew up the last one with a pitiful attempt at making her own rice Krispy treats. He leans against the counter as we wait for the rattling machine to finish, neither of us really saying anything as my leg bounces wildly in anxiety.
"Are you okay?" Mike asks softly after a moment, tilting his head. His arms are crossed in front of him, which is normal for Mike but it still makes me on edge.
I try again to speak, but I can't. It feels like I'll just blow up again if I do. So I just shrug instead, not wanting to talk about the lengthy screaming match I'd managed to find myself in earlier that night.
The microwave beeps loudly, causing us both to start, Mike pulling the door open quickly to shut it up and take out the now hot bowl, hissing under his breath at himself for not grabbing a towel as he quickly moves to set it down in front of me. If I'd been in a better state I would've laughed at the admittedly comical sight, but I felt like I'd done enough at his expense for one night.
Once situated, there's long while of silence. No other noise except for my spoon clinking against my bowl as I eat quietly, Mike watching me across the glass table as he takes a few drinks from his clear glass of water, head on his large hand. A clock ticks in the other room, the hour later than I'd wanted to be when I showed up unannounced.
"I'm sorry," I finally say in a soft voice, my spoon scraping soundlessly against the maroon bowl. "I just didn't know where else to go."
He smiles softly at that, his hand reaching across the table for mine. The touch meant to be comforting instead sends me back into my thoughts, my body stiffening as my mind tries to distract me from my anxiety and doubt.
Our hands had been brushing against each other for hours as we'd walked. Both of us were too nervous to take the others, which is a bit silly since we were grown adults. But really we hadn't had any serious discussions yet. We were still in the dinners and texting phase, dancing around any serious 'what is this' talks until we felt like we would both have similar answers ready for any questions. The night had settled in solidly now, the fairgrounds only alive by the bright lights of the rides.
The grazing, however, had come to an end when the ferris wheel started clicking towards what felt like my untimely demise.
I fucking hate ferris wheels, fun fact.
I don't think Mike particularly likes them either, based off of how stiff his body was next to mine, his eyes trained dead ahead, his jaw clenched. I think he might break a tooth. Or maybe I'm projecting.
Abby and Lisa had been insistent on riding it, and had been even more insistent that Mike and I needed to ride something with them before the night was over. And even though we both looked at the thing with a pit in our stomach, neither of us felt ridiculous about being grown adults on that ride as opposed to all the others flooded with teens and kids dodging in and out, stomping in puddles of who knows what on their way to the next ride. So we gritted our teeth, handed over our tickets and got into the cart right behind Abby and Lisa, who wouldn't stop looking back at us with amused eyes, whispering into each other's each as they covered their mouths.
"My dad worked as a carnie," I blurted out as we hung mid air, halfway up the ride while they still loaded people in. "These things are fucken sturdy."
Mike didn't look at me. Or at least he didn't turn his head. I didn't either. His silence makes my anxiety a bit worse, wondering if my random fact had somehow irritated him, or if there was something I was supposed to do that I wasn't picking up on.
"... I'm gonna die to Creed," he finally said between his gritted teeth.
My brows furrow for a moment before I realize what song is playing, and then I'm laughing. Maybe a little too much, but that's the anxiety. Abby and Lisa are darting their heads around to look down at us, trying to see what's set me off, and Creed's taking One Last Breath on the blaring radio somewhere around us as they have been for the past however many months with the top song.
"I'm never gonna escape this, they play this way too much at work," I laughed. And he started laughing too, both of us white knuckled as we gripped the bar in front of us. Then we move up again, and the cart is slightly rocking, making me feel ill.
"That's okay," Mike says softly, his thumb trailing across my knuckles as I stare down at our hands. "I was missing you, anyways."
I look up at him, trying to read his expression, my head still trying to balance my focuses. There's concern in his eyes, obvious as he realizes how awful this particular episode is.
Abby is yelling something at us, but my head is buzzing with too much anxiety to hear her.
"Go away!" Mike yells back at her, waving his hand in irritation, then stopping as he realizes he's rocking the cart. He looked back at me anxiously, trying to smile. It just looked like he'd been shot instead. "Sisters," he said shyly.
"What's she saying?" I asked him, leaning closer to hear him better over the heavy guitar.
"Nothing," he insisted. "She's just being twelve."
I go to look up, only to feel his hand on top of mine, warm and strong as he grips it a little too hard for the first time, but I think that's out of anxiety too. No matter what, the first move makes me more dizzy.
"Your dad worked fairs?" He asked anxiously, obviously trying to change the subject.
"I should've called first," I say softly, leaning onto the table and pushing the empty bowl away from me as I lay on top of my arm.
"It's okay," he reminds me in a soft voice, rising from his chair while still holding my hand. "You're home now."
"Well, I'm at your home now," I hiccup into my arm. His arms wrap around me, guiding me up and into his warm embrace that I'd been longing for for what felt like hours.
"I thought you said you liked flying!" I laughed, terrified.
"Flying! This is sitting still while dangling above death!" Mike clarified. The carts began clicking again, and we now had an easier view of the two girls in front of us, making him gasp and yell out Abby's full name in scolding.
I see why he didn't want me to look up. Abby and Lisa are miming a make-out session while they giggle obnoxiously.
"Oh my God, I'm gonna fucking ground her," he groaned, covering his forehead with his other hand. His face is completely red, his body so stiff it feels like I could break off his arm with barely any pressure, and my own heart is slamming so hard against my chest I think it's visible.
One more click and we'll be at the top. Great.
He's looking down at me, I think he's trying to get me to refocus but I just can't. I've done my duties for the night, and now I'm stuck in this emotional pit of hatred and numbness as my mind tries to remind me of a better time that just makes me feel worse because Mike is speaking again and I just can't hear him.
"She's being a wingman. Really, she's just spotting a good opportunity," I rambled in Abby's defense. Mike glanced at me, then at the tweens in front of us.
"Yeah?" He asked, his voice nerve wracked.
"Oh yeah. Every little sister does it. I mean, it's partially based in torture, but overall she's trying to help," I said quickly, my breath shortening.
"Are you okay?" He asked, looking just as pale as me.
"I fucking hate heights, please distract me," I pleaded quickly, only to immediately feel his teeth click loudly against mine as he kissed me, his lips sweet with sugar and hands nearly breaking mine from his tight grip, Abby and Lisa whooping obnoxiously in front of us as we freeze in the moment. It's clumsy, certainly. And it's obvious on both ends how long it's been since either of us have done this. But it's an effective method, my mind beginning to refocus on the taste of the borderline awful lemonade fresh on his breath, his shaking hand moving from the bar to cup my cheek cold from the wind. My eyes widen in surprise, the music swelling around us and the lights somehow brighter as we rock above the rest of the fair in the squeaking booth.
When he pulls away, there's a soft smile on his face, his tongue quickly darting out to taste his own lips.
"... I like your chapstick," he said shyly, neither of us focused on the fact that we're now moving steadily in the ride, fully tuned in to the other.
"Thanks," I said softly, cheeks burning against his touch. "Strawberry."
There's a long second of nothing, and I'm vaguely aware of Abby and Lisa screaming "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" And someone is trying to shush them. I know it's not Mike because he's staring at me like an idiot. Completely satisfied and dramatically more calm as he leans in for another kiss, this time pulling me fully into his embrace.
"You're home," Mike repeats against my lips, then moving to trail along my cheeks, his hands carefully cupping my face once more as his touch grounds me back in reality. "I'll be here when your mind gets back."
As my own hands graze along his soft, cotton shirt, I feel my pulse begin to relax. Doubt beginning to creep away as his lips trail along my jaw, slowly working to my neck. It's not a demanding touch. It's just comfort. And he'll keep doing this until I return to him like I always do, and then he'll keep doing it until we both fall asleep in a tight embrace under a dozen blankets, half of which will be gone by morning as we wake in a pool of sweat across the bed from each other, only to seek the other out again in wakefulness. And there will be answers for his questions, and I'll be fine.
I'm home now.
                             ¤▪︎{♧}▪︎¤
I FINALLY FUCKING PUBLISHED SOMETHING. HOLY FUCK I'M OVERWORKED. (Fun fact, this was fucking hard because I was actively disassociating while writing the whole thing. Reader just like me frfr)
Taglist:
@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 @jhutchissupercool. Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3
               •▪︎Masterlist▪︎•
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coffincestuous · 2 months ago
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kit9 progress report #9
happy september!!! progress report time!!
to start, we’re given these images:
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ashley doesn’t look her best here :( she’s pissed off. there are bags under her eyes. she has a bruise on her face (or blood?). this is not a girl who is having a good time
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then we have… this? we’re back to the woods!! i wonder who Square Head and Cone Head are?? i wonder what ashley SAID!!! and what’s with the colorful flowers at the bottom??
(not to mention, they could totally sacrifice these people, and pretty easily too!)
next, we finally have some development progress reporting from kit9!! apparently episode 3A is super long & they’re trying to find a place to end the episode and start another one (4), but they haven’t been able to. they’re adding another several months to their estimated release date, which was previously “sometime in 2024” and is now “sometime in 2025… maybe”
they say, once again, that episode 3 (A and B) will be bigger and longer than episodes 1 and 2 combined, so episode releases won’t be as quick as they had been previously
finally, we have an episode three preview clip!!! it’s titled “voicemails” and the thumbnail is julia on the phone
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a summary of the video for those who don’t want to watch, or can’t:
julia and andrew are in julia’s room. she tells him to listen to the voicemails she’s been getting on a daily basis. he declines, saying he’s “had [his] fill,” but julia insists
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julia thinks that they’re from ashley, but she doesn’t know for sure because the voice is distorted. the voicemails contain graphic descriptions of julia’s “oncoming, painful and slow death” and then talk about how andrew would rather have sex with ashley than with julia. julia is disappointed in andrew’s lack of reaction to the upsetting content of the voicemails, and implies that he was previously upset about julia receiving these messages, but now he doesn’t care
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she brings up the fact that she thinks ashley is sending these messages to her, pointing out that only ashley would use the word “floozy,” and andrew (probably lying) denies thinking that ashley has sent these.
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julia disagrees, asking if he really thinks that some girl from college is pretending to be his sister and claiming that they’re a little too close, just to get julia to break up with him? he counters with “it’s working, isn’t it?” julia again disagrees, saying that she really does think that ashley is sending these messages. andrew then mentions that people teased him and ashley in high school for “keeping it in the family.” julia says that his relationship with ashley can seem incestuous, to which andrew reacts by slamming the phone back on the receiver, and getting really pissed at julia
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julia gets scared of him, which makes him backtrack very quickly and clairify that he’s upset that julia would “think so lowly” of him. he says that he thinks she’s a wonderful person, while she thinks that he’s a “piece of shit” who “probably fucks his sister.”
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julia then starts crying, denies thinking that he and ashley are having sex, and apologizes for starting a fight. andrew hugs her and says it’s fine, it wasn’t a fight, but he’ll “forgive her” either way
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finally, andrew decides that they should “stay in after all” and it ends with julia saying she forgets what she even wanted to talk to andrew about
it’s fun to see andrew’s more… “genuine” side, even if he’s kind of an asshole. i guess “authentic” is a better term there. i think there’s an interesting contrast between how he acts with julia versus how he acts with ashley, and i’m so glad that we get to see more of him and julia!!! his lack of reaction to the threats against julia is so, so telling. it makes me think back to the part of episode 2 where andrew can bring ashley into the cult party and the cultist calls ashley a bitch and he immediately gets in the cultist’s face to defend her. there are some similarities between how he acts when he has upset each girl, but he doesn’t excessively compliment ashley when they fight. he doesn’t have to worry about ashley crying when he’s rough with her. he doesn’t have to worry about ashley breaking up with him because they’re not dating and she’s his sister
(chosen family is just as valid as blood family, but with andrew and ashley, their codependency shines)
i love how manipulative andrew is. don’t get me wrong, i’d absolutely hate him irl, but i love him as a character. he’s an asshole. he’s charming. he knows what to say to get people (like julia) to feel guilty of accusing him of something he’s thought about on more than one occasion. he knows that if he acts mad towards julia, that she’ll start fawning and apologizing, and he uses that to his advantage. he is not normal (affectionate)
and i’m glad we get solid “proof” that andrew is just as bad as ashley. before, people have argued that there’s plausible deniability, but now?? omgggg. especially when he’s hugging her, saying to julia the things he wishes he could say to ashley instead… they make me crazy. absolutely insane. i am so fucking excited for episodes 3 and 4
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love-toxin · 1 year ago
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Retrieval - entry II
entry I
plot: forging on through the horrors you've endured thus far, you venture deeper into the plagas cult territory to find something waiting for you there. more than something--someone.
(cws: fem!reader, blood, body horror, gun violence, knives, mention of a car accident, hurt-comfort, wound tending, raccoon city flashbacks, passing mention of smut)
word count: 5.3k
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Even if you did plan out a route on your map, you've quickly realized that the landscape has changed so dramatically in your time away that it likely wouldn't have made a difference. In no uncertain terms, you are completely and devastatingly lost.
By now, the afternoon sun has long started beating on you from overhead and the sprinkling of rain this morning has turned the air thick and uncomfortably muggy. Each step up the incline of the dirt path and by extension the shifting of your clothing is a constant reminder of how sweaty you are, your stretchy shirt damp and sticking to your chest while beads of sweat pour down your neck and cling to your eyelashes. Your gloves have had to come off and Leon's jacket would've followed if the alternative wasn't to carry it–but regardless of those small choices you just have to accept the discomfort and keep trudging forward. You've got no idea where you're headed now but you won't get anywhere by sitting around, and at least you can try to peek through the trees and rocky inclines that line the road to see if you can spot any discernible landmarks. While you still have the task of finding Leon, returning to the village is no longer an option after what you saw this morning.
A shudder runs through you merely at the thought of it, your mind fuzzy with the memories like your brain is trying to protect you from the sight of that massacre. And it's almost worse to ponder that act of senseless violence than it was to witness the aftermath of it, not just because you recognize that some of those bodies were villagers that you'd cut down yourself, but also because you can't envision what kind of monster would have spread out such an unholy image for you. None of the creatures you remember seeing would have the patience or planning to do such a thing, and if it had been the work of a particular monster you'd faced off with, you're certain that if they knew you were there they would've killed you outright instead of trying to–what? Scare you?
Your boot meets a rock and you absentmindedly kick it up, watching with a passive interest as it skitters and tumbles its way around the path before rolling to a stop in the grass beside it. Was it to scare you? Could it have been a fluke, and you'd just barely missed the rampage of a vicious and callous monster? Or was it the will of the Plagas that called them there, and either ended them from within or had them hack each other into oblivion? You've got a feeling you would've heard something if either of those things were the case, but then again your sleep had been….preoccupied.
You shift the straps of your bag to ease the weight from one shoulder to the other, your gaze fluttering from one end of the path to the other like the presence of someone else would somehow allow them to be privy to your thoughts. The intense sweating you've been doing for the last few hours has masked over that wetness between your legs that you've been dealing with, the two forces intermingling so you can't really distinguish one kind of dampness from the other. It certainly doesn't make it any less uncomfortable, and it's an unfortunately clear-headed reminder of the shame you often feel after having one of those dreams about Leon.
After all, he is–was–your best friend. You met before Raccoon City went to shit, you lived through it together, and you faced the same hardships that came after when the world around you wanted to forget the cruelty of that horrid night. You knew how to joke around and keep the air light, you could drag each other out of your depressive episodes when nobody else could reach you, and Leon knew every ugly bit and piece of your life just like you knew his. Your friendship had always been something precious and you could never imagine throwing that all away by admitting to him that you're in love with him. He had been the only person in the world that you knew cared about you, the only person that would go to the ends of the earth to defend you, and to lose that would be equal to a death. It's what's made this loss all the harder, feeling like you've lost him twice over and having to mourn it all alone. And the guilt hits you even more when those feelings bubble up inside you again, because all you want is for them to just go away so you can grieve Leon as what he was, not what you wanted him to be.
You're always tempted to think he'd see you as gross for imagining doing those things with him, to him, but in reality you know that if you ever told Leon he would get the biggest head about it. Feelings or no, he'd be so smug he'd tease you until the end of time and it would stroke his ego to the heavens and back–and whenever you think about it, it just brings a smile to your face on instinct. He could be such a bastard sometimes, but there's no better person you could've called your best friend. Which, of course, makes the pang in your heart hurt all the worse when you're reminded that he's gone, and that he took his last breath in a place like this.
Speaking of which, it dawns on your senses that something absolutely reeks. Granted, the whole village smells of shit and blood–but this smell is different, it's almost worse, and it's to the point that you almost feel the need to pull your shirt up over your nose to block out the invasive wretchedness of it all. It's somehow getting worse as you walk, which can only mean you're getting closer to the source of it–and if it wasn't obvious by now, it becomes obvious with the crack of an aging engine roaring up and the sound of tires scraping over dirt and gravel. Fuck.
The raspy chorus of voices reaches you over the crest of the hill, and within moments of you halting in your tracks the vehicle comes barreling into view. On two crooked axles your imminent death approaches in the form of a truck gunning down the hill at top speed, two Ganados in the seats while God knows how many more growl and shout from the back and behind, brandishing their tools like weapons and vying for your blood.
It only takes seconds for your choices to dawn on you, but even that time isn't generous enough to give you much chance for a successful retreat. With two steps back you finally feel the panic whack you in the chest, but it powers your legs before you can think to move them and soon enough you're sprinting back the way you came. Your feet feel too light to control on the slope but you can't just stop, the heat of the engine is already at your back and if you hesitate, you know you're dead.
Fishing down the opening of your top, your fingers jab the secret pouch you sewed in there and two bullets come back out in your palm, warm steel forcing a calmness into your frayed nerves as you frantically load them into your gun. Those bullets are for emergencies, and you've encountered worse outcomes than this, but dying here would mean failure and there wouldn't be anyone left to try and bring you back to life this time.
You throw your arm back behind you to shoot, and everything flashes a bright, hot light to blot out the world–and then, just as swiftly, it all goes black as the ground falls out beneath you, pain shoots up your spine, and your eyes finally snap shut into total darkness as flame engulfs you.
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"Officer! Wake up, officer!"
You haven't been called that in a while, but it still feels familiar–the voice, however, is different. There's only a distant wisp of something you recognize as you struggle to open your eyes.
"S'okay, I'm fine-" Your mumbling rings soft and faint over the crackling of fire and rain, barely audible–but the soon-to-be familiar face shakes his head and huffs a sigh as he pulls you back up to sit straight.
"You are not fine, officer. You're bleeding."
You see now what the situation is, your vision coming back into focus as Leon's warm hands steady you against the alley wall. Your memory's still fuzzy, but the pain shooting up and down your left leg is all you need to remind you of what just happened.
You'd been running down the street, escaping from a herd of the zombies with a bag slung over your back–the artillery from the station had been spread out all over the city and the medical supplies had run dry, so for almost half a day you'd been gone from the station to scout for supplies and redirect survivors towards the safehouses you and your fellow officers had staked out. One of them being the station itself, which had just come into view after you'd skidded around the nearest street corner and spotted those bright lights illuminating the front gate.
But after that, your recollection gets a little fuzzy. You'd heard a screeching sound on your left from behind, felt the tremor of something shaking the ground as several pairs of rotted hands reached for you from over your shoulder…and from there everything is a complete blur. A flash and a wave of heat had rushed over you, the blaring of a horn sounding from behind, and you vaguely recall the ground falling out from beneath you–although, based on the stiff soreness of your back, you suspect the impact of the truck that had hit you had sent you flying and you somehow wound up in this alley, or close to it. You've got a pretty good feeling you didn't just end up sitting back against it with your head propped up, else you've got the devil's luck for certain.
"Leon," You rasp, your throat dry and cracked from the heat and your laboured breathing. With that worried expression painted clear on his youthful face, he holds up a bottle of water to your lips–and you drink gratefully, feeling refreshed even by the wasted droplets dribbling down your chin as you struggle to swallow. "You can call me by my name, y'know–unless you don't remember, in which case my feelings are a–nngh, shit–little hurt." You cringe at the feeling of cloth scraping over your open wounds, nails digging into your other leg as Leon grazes the gash on your opposite thigh with a bit of medicine in hand. It's deep, you can tell that much, and if this were a movie you're morbidly certain that this would be the moment your partner has to put you down before you turn. Maybe you're already getting there, if the feverish heat crawling up your chest is any indication.
You shift your gaze over to the lump beside you, and find that your hand has been resting on the same bag you'd risked hide and hair for. It's half unzipped and looks like it's been rummaged through. It dawns on you that the water, gauze, and other medical supplies he's got rolled out are all part of the stash–and how embarrassing is that? You made so many promises to Marvin and the others that you would come back with hope in your arms, and yet you're the one using what you brought before you've even returned. Clipped by a fucking truck of all things. Yet, when Leon rolls your name off of his tongue with the ease of someone that's said it a thousand times before, your heart flutters and calms all at the same time.
"You're pretty relaxed for someone that just got hit by a car." He reaches out to squeeze your hand, and does so even tighter as he presses an alcohol-soaked pad into your jagged, bloody flesh. It stings like shit immediately and rips a string of curses out of you, but it's a necessary evil, so you just grit your teeth and bear it to try and make it easier for Leon to work. Being a newbie, you figured he would freak out…and yet, somehow, he's even calmer than you and he's doing a damn good job of keeping you distracted for him to tend your wounds.
"Truck, excuse you. Get your facts straight, rookie. Sounds cooler if you call it a truck-" Your half-joking reply is cut short as a sharp cry erupts out of you without warning. Burning pain shoots through your leg, tears immediately welling in your eyes and speeding down your cheeks as the searing sensation overwhelms almost every other sense. Your body jolts with it and Leon's hand comes down firmly on your thigh to keep you still, his other hand pressing warmth into your wound over the cloth he's smeared some herbs into. When the agony eventually starts draining out of you, it takes your strength with it and leaves you slumped back against the wall, lungs tight and burning from you panting and gasping for breath. With another wave soon to come and several more to follow, you have nowhere else to brace yourself but on Leon's shoulder, which you grab hard and squeeze tight as he works the medicine in and goes through the painfully considerate process of disinfecting the wound and bandaging it tight with a tourniquet to stop the bleeding.
"Anything in there?" You finally manage to pant out, forehead dripping with sweat that he takes care to wipe with the other side of the cloth.
"No, don't think so."
"Thank fuck. I'd rather die than yank it out. You're a lifesaver, Lee." You're trying not to whimper as you speak, you don't want to come off as weak, but Leon really doesn't look like he minds nor that he's gonna use it against you in the future. His concern is written plainly on his face, thumbs gentle but firm as he wipes your tears like a brother would do for his younger sister. Or a friend for a friend. A partner for a partner.
"...Lee?" He murmurs, repeating the nickname for you both in a teasing way and a surprised one. You've only met a handful of times, haven't even gotten to know each other aside from the general pleasantries–but he seems happy. Relieved, really, that you don't mind his help or his company.
"You prefer 'rookie'?" You huff right back, anticipating a bit of sass or a rebuttal in some way. But he just shakes his head, seemingly unperturbed as he starts briskly packing the medicine back into your bag as the rain patters against it.
"No, no, just…I've never had a nickname before. Call me whatever you like." He speaks with a smile on his face and it would be irritating, if not for how sincere his words are and how much joy he clearly gets from the smallest gesture. As much as you'd like to dwell on it and humour him with a dozen questions, the zzzzip of your bag beside you and the shuffling as he lifts it up and pulls it snug over his shoulder brings you back to reality. Your very, very unfortunate reality, if the groaning and gnashing sounds in the distance are any indication.
"I hate to say it, but there's no way you're walking on this leg." He says that so ominously but his baby face really isn't doing him any favours, and you're not one to just back away when something needs to get done. So, despite his advice, you grip the wall behind you and stagger to get to your feet, bracing yourself against the warm brick as you hiss in pain and raise yourself unsteadily on only one leg–which, of course, has Leon holding out his hands to steady you as you do, exasperation passing over his features as you make no effort to use him to stabilize yourself.
"Hey! What did I just say?" Leon clicks his tongue like a mother hen, but doesn't leave you high and dry at all. He grabs the arm on your bad side and manhandles you into pulling it over his shoulders, his strength and the hand bracing your opposite hip giving you a very inconvenient shiver. Focus. "You're so stubborn."
"I'm not just sitting out here to die."
"I didn't say that. Here," With one step forward, it's clear that you're not gonna move fast enough to make it to the station unscathed. In a case like this, you'd expect to be left here while the more able-bodied of the two of you goes ahead with the medicine and sends backup when he can–but obviously that isn't quite what Leon has in mind. Instead, he bends down to slide his arm up behind your knees, counts down from two, and sweeps your legs out from beneath you with a careful swiftness to lift you up in a bridal carry. "It's okay, I got you." It's embarrassing and humbling all at once, a squeak smothering itself behind your teeth as you immediately cling to him with your arms around his shoulders. But he doesn't seem at all fazed, and doesn't even stumble as he starts walking towards the edge of the alley. If anything, he walks with more balance while he's carrying both you and your precious cargo to safety. "I'm not just gonna leave you behind."
Leon's got more integrity with one day of the force under his belt than most officers you've known. He's a blessing and an anomaly all at once, precious and potent like both an antidote and a poison mixed as one. But however unclear your feelings about him were that night, you know for certain that you would've died cold and alone in that alley if not for him. He rescued you without any inkling as to what he would get out of it–and even if it kills you, you're going to repay that favour by rescuing him.
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"Well hello, miss stranger."
Your eyes flutter open, the ceiling of a room the first thing to meet your gaze–and the second being a man hunching over a table opposite from you, your head turned so far you nearly stumble off the makeshift cot you've been laid out on. "Had a nice nap? Figured as much–you took quite the nasty hit to the skull. Lucky you're still breathing!" He cackles jubilantly, and if nothing else that raspy laugh is what clues you in to that small shred of remembrance.
"Merchant? Wh…What are you…?" You shake your head in disbelief, a soft 'nevermind' passing your lips as you just elect to take this all in at face value. You never understood this 'Merchant' guy when you were here before, so you can't expect to pick him apart for answers now. With measured steps you approach his counter and try to shake off your limp in the process, your eyes scanning over the crowded shelves of his wares–and the inner pockets of his coat that he flashes open to take you by surprise.
"Uh…you got anything for my pistol?"
The Merchant chuckles heartily, and out comes several boxes of the convenient ammunition from beneath his rickety little table. With what little you've got to trade that you spread out on his counter, you can get about two boxes with twenty bullets each for most of what you're carrying. The money for airfare, a cab to the station, and some light supplies you picked up once you landed in Spain has cleaned you out pretty good, but he's fair as always and even offers to clean your gun for you while he's at it.
"Ooh, before you wander off–I've got somethin' extra for you, missy."
With a flourish befitting....him, he pulls out a decently sized piece of equipment out from a box behind him, and turns to lay the shotgun flat across your hands, the weight sinking into your palms as his half-gloved fingers retreat and he lets you get a feel for it. It's pretty hefty on its own, polished and substantial with a trigger that's got the kind of resistance you're used to. With a gesture from him to encourage trying it out, you take a decent step back from his table and lift the gun up into the crook of your arm, eyes lining down the length of it towards a very convenient lantern propped up on top of the crumbling stone wall opposite to you.
One cock of the shutter, a breath in–and a bang erupts from the courtyard, the lantern shattering into a thousand pieces and the Merchant's raspy laughter rising like the flock of crows that take flight from further into the castle grounds, cawing like mad at the sound that echoes like thunder throughout the canyon.
"She's a beaut, ain't she?" The hunched man chortles, clearly prideful of his work. You lower the gun back down to your hip, the smell of ashy powder filling your nose, and nod quietly before turning back to him and holding it out over his counter.
"It's great, but you've got all I had. Maybe I'll come back for it."
"Naw, missy–you keep that. S'on the house this time." Your brows raise in shock and a touch of confusion, along with a little seed of distrust that you can't help but entertain. You know better than to trust people blindly, especially strangers, but then again the Merchant doesn't exactly conform to any expectations you could've had. At your hopeful confirmation of "really?" he nods your way, the bandana that covers his face slipping a bit as he tilts his head forward and reaches behind him.
"While you're at it, have this too–not gonna be much use to me, I'm afraid." With a flourish, he unveils a sheath he'd been hiding only god knows where and sets it down in front of you. From just one glance as you strap your new shotgun to your back, a glimmer of recognition wells up inside you and your hands find the hilt in a matter of seconds. Raising it to your face, you gently tug on the handle to slide the blade all the way out….and sure enough, you do recognize it. The engraving on the side is about as familiar as your own handwriting considering how often you've been on the sharp end of this knife–a product of endless close-combat training sessions that your best friend insisted on practicing with you. It hits you right then–Leon would've died before he let go of this precious thing.
"Where did you find this? Here?"
"Just up the stairs there," He jerks his thumb back towards the entryway behind him, hazy memories of that winding path coming together in your mind as you recall going down it before. "Picked it up from a bloody puddle in the main hall. Return it to your friend, would ya? He's my best customer." You can feel his grin from behind the mask, and a pang hits your heart as you consider breaking the news to him….but the adrenaline is kicking in now and you just have to go, you have to briskly bid him goodbye and excuse your hurry as you rush out towards the stairs and mount each set in record time as you make a mad dash for the foyer.
By sheer luck, your frantic sprint through the winding courtyard betrays no hint of activity since you were here last. The cannon still sits perched at the top of the tower for a raven to crow atop it, and while the stairs are littered with bits of crumbling rubble they're still relatively easy to climb as you come out on the other side, mere feet of space separating you from the smashed-open gate you'd both fought so hard to get into. Down the looming path overshadowed by two huge, towering walls on either side, you hurry up the last few steps and brace both hands on the heavy doors, grunts of effort foregrounding the scrape and rusty squealing of the hinges as you slowly push them open to reveal the place Merchant had directed you towards.
"Hngh-!" With one last shove, you swing them out slowly and step back to catch your breath, before clambering through the entrance and slowing your run to a jog and then to a stop, eyes roaming in wide sweeps around the massive entrance room to look for some kind of clue. It's just as misty around the floor as it was before and the lights fortunately haven't gone out, yet the suits of armour, vases, side tables and weapons scattered everywhere don't alert you to anything immediately out of place. You do find yourself plucking a chunk of loose stone off the ground and slinging it at the nearest knight, however, just to watch as the plates of silver armour clatter with a hollow sound before crashing into a heap on the floor. It's better to be safe than sorry considering what you and Ashley went through last time with those things.
In doing so, and in stepping over to kick aside the helmet with a bit of indulgent violence, something catches in your eye in your peripheral. With a glance, you spot a few dribbles of otherwise un-noteworthy blood and slot your gun out of its holster just in case. But when you kneel down to check it out and wave a bit of the mist away, your eyes widen in disbelief as you see the speckles of blood lead toward a puddle–and beyond that, a trail that guides your line of sight all the way towards the set of doors leading to the inner sanctum.
Is this Leon's?
You shuffle quietly towards the pool of it a bit further away, realizing only upon getting closer how big it really is. Aside from the puddle itself there are smears drawn through it and radiating out to paint the unmarred floor, as if someone had either stepped through it and slipped or had sat down completely and let themselves bleed freely where they lay. Based on the trail, it resembles the evidence of an attack, an injury or death, and then the person being dragged off towards a second location. But no matter how weak he might have been, you just can't picture Leon being hurt like this and not fighting back, not winning in general, because when you pull out the knife and hold it over the puddle you can clearly see the spot it had been lying in when Merchant had picked it up.
There's only one other option you can think of, though, which is somehow more gruesome than the thought of your best friend being stabbed and his body being dragged away to be disposed of…
…Did he try to cut the parasite out of his body?
The scene in front of you paints a horribly gruesome picture with that idea in your mind. Did Leon sit here, bloody and injured from the explosion, and attempt to cut the Plagas out from his body? If he did, did he succeed? Or did he simply put himself through more torture before he met his inhuman end, and was dragged off by some other force to be used for more of their sick rituals? Following the trail of blood where it leads is your only option, but it is an option, which is something you've slowly started believing you weren't going to find after all.
"Leon!"
You call out his name as you get back up to your feet, your voice ringing through the hall in haunting echoes. It doesn't matter if you draw whatever's hiding out into the open. At least you'll know what's waiting around the corner to strike–and in the case that Leon hears you, you want him to know that you tried. You're trying. You want him to realize you want to find him, you're thinking about him, you care for him and that you didn't leave him behind just to forget about him. You're here now and you'll do anything if it means getting him back.
"Leon, I'm here!"
The next set of doors part somewhat easier than the ones that lead outside, your shoulder more than enough for you to push through and slip into the next room to track the trails left behind. Your legs stall once you've wound through the interconnected room between and laid your hand on one of those huge doors around the corner–you know exactly what could be waiting there, and what you'd had to deal with last time–but it just isn't enough to stop you, even though it should. You push through it and take a step into the long, massive room that stretches out into many key areas for an ambush, and breathe a sigh of relief at the sight of the wheels still in place and the staircase already lowered. Perhaps you have been lucky and nothing else has really changed aside from Leon's presence, but that still doesn't allow you to give yourself pause as you hurry up the steps and hop over the pedestals with your gun drawn. The blackened, muddy water doesn't scare you, nor do the half-ajar doors up on the catwalks that could burst open and spill out with bloodthirsty cult zombies. The trail Leon's left for you is getting thinner and sparser, however, and that does worry you as you approach the next set of doors and take them each in stride.
You can't lie to yourself, your hope is dwindling just as quickly as it came on. Only splatters and splotches of the trail remain and nothing else has alerted you of his presence yet–no notes, no scraps of fabric torn off his clothes, not even a hair in sight for you to inspect and try to determine whether or not it's Leon's. Maybe it was just a stray dog or a wolf after all. Maybe you really are grasping at straws.
"No. He's here. Don't give up yet." You whisper under your breath to yourself, praying in the very back of your mind that the self-reassurance is enough to keep your feet moving as you head in the direction of the courtyard. You just keep repeating it in your mind. He's here. He's here. Leon's gotta be here. I know he's here. I'll find him. Your inner voice grows so strong as you walk through the chilly air of the night that you really start to feel that way, to the point that it feels like Leon's eyes are piercing into you.
In fact, it really feels like you're being watched when you start thinking about it. It's probably just paranoia, and understandably so considering this place's gruesome past. Your knuckles brush over the handle of Leon's knife at your hip out of habit, but even with that thought in mind you still stop in your tracks right at the gate into the courtyard.
You swear you just heard a cough. It couldn't be. Monsters don't cough. Not like that.
The blade slings out of its sheath with a shiiing that could cut the air itself, and your fingertips are just barely brushing the grip as it flies in an arc out of your grasp–that's the moment you get a glimpse of the person standing behind you, and your breath chokes itself out of your mouth as the tip of that bloodied blade meets their throat.
You could've anticipated almost anything…but not this. Anything but what's standing before you, staring you down with eyes that could burn you down into ashes and blow you away in the breeze.
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indie-ttrpg-of-the-week · 4 months ago
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Planedawn Orphans
It is such the nature of humanity that we every so often reinvent Homestuck 
Genre: Found Family, Vaguely fantasy?, multiverse game (Kinda)
Touchstones: Planescape (they don't mention it but I imagine Torment's party specifically was probably a big inspiration), Dark Heart of the Dreamer
What is this game?: Game's a generous term, Planedawn Orphans is a system-agnostic campaign kit meant to introduce a general story loop to any system
How's the gameplay?: Planedawn Orphans has the gameplay of any system you'd like!.. ok that's not EXACTLY it, but planedawn orphans has only small amounts of gameplay on its own, instead what it adds is a storyline to any system, somewhat similar to a module, but entirely system agnostic, and left open ended for modification, we'll get into what exactly the plotline is in the next session, but for now just know that most of Planedawn's gameplay is entirely focused on players taking actions to add drama into instanced levels, as the game focuses on the players hopping between different themed planes
What's the setting (If any) like?:  This is where the going gets interesting, the players are all Orphans, people from different planes of reality who, for one reason or another, were abandoned by their own world, and left to wander in the big city between worlds, they have recently met an incredibly powerful patron who promises to create a new world, one where they can live peacefully without prejudices of their previous world. Planedawn Orphans' primary setting are the different universes the players will have to explore to gather the parts for their new world, maybe they need to get a bag of wind so that their universe has oxygen, or the blood of a dead god to create life, that sort of thing! there's 13 aspects by default, meaning that a game will usually by default have 13 "chapters" as the players explore different universes, the game's episodic nature also lends itself to round-robin style play, with one player taking over the role of GM in a rotating format every realm.
What's the tone?: Planedawn Orphans treats on themes of found family, hope in a desolate place, and friendship between unlikely people.
Session length: Uh, depends on what you're running it on ig?
Number of Players: 3-5, round robin parties can likely support more players
Malleability: Infinite, I guess, since its not really a game 
Resources: You don't really NEED resources for this but the game features some trackers to keep track of clocks and collected artifacts
Ok so this isn't REALLY a game, this is a campaign resource for running a specific type of campaign, it as such shouldn't really Be here, but Planedawn is also one of my favorite... ttrpg things of all time, and I think more people need to be aware of it! it's a really really fun time if you can find a good game to run it in, I recommend Lancer! there's 13 artifacts, which maps exactly into a 0-12 lancer campaign
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hughiecampbelle · 2 years ago
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Arrangement (Roy!Sibling x Lukas Matsson)
((SUCCESSION SPOILERS))
Character/s: Lukas, Kendall, Shiv, Roman, Logan mention
Word Count: 1,732
Requested: hi!! can i request roy!baby sibling being sent to “woo” lukas in favor of the deal? they were indifferent at first but eventually fell for him. (not necessarily needed to be included but i imagine kendall would find out about the blood thing with ebba and try to tank the deal hahaha) - anon
Tag: @locke-writes
A/N: Hope you like it my love!!! This is based off the latest episode, so spoilers ahead for anyone who hasn't seen it!! Thank you for requesting!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜
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You cleared your throat, following him through the doorway. Your glass was cold, the stem fragile, the red wine disgusting. Something expensive, Tom had poured, swishing around, threatening to spill. You took one last glance back. They stood huddled together, nodding at you, insisting you go in. You would have rolled your eyes if he hadn’t turned to see you, inviting you in. You smiled, cursing your family. Fuck Kendall, fuck Shiv, fuck Roman, and especially fuck Logan. The door shut behind you, making you jump. Don’t worry, I’m not going to try anything. I just want to talk. His hand fell the small of your back, ever so slightly pushing you along to where the living set sat. Fuck all fo them, you added at the end, over and over again until you were sitting across from him. The room was dark except for a few lamps. One wall was floor to ceiling windows. He had his back turned on the view, as if it didn’t matter, as if the only thing you should be focusing on was him. Shiv’s home had so many rooms, so many ins and outs, it was a wonder she didn’t get lost every day. You couldn’t help yourself, letting your eyes wander over him, above him, to the glittering city. It was too dark to see any details, but that didn’t really matter. It stood grand, solid, daunting in the darkness. Your home, for as long as you’ve been alive. It looked its most perfect at its most blurry, shunned from the daylight. 
He looked tired. That was the first thing you’d noticed about him when he showed up. He wasn’t some godlike creature they all feared he was. He was just some guy in a gold jacket. The bags under his eyes were puffy, as if he hadn’t slept in a while. He brought Ebba and Oskar with him, making fun of them as if that’s what all bosses did. You weren’t sure if you should laugh or not, so you said nothing. Everyone seemed uncomfortable but him. You had Gerri, Frank, and all of your siblings. An army, and for what? This guy? You tried to hide your smile. This was the guy everyone had been worried about? Leave it to them to be dramatic. Jesus, you could have stayed in the home. It was a last minute invitation. Whose idea, you’re not sure. After everything with dad, you were more than happy to tag along. It was a wanted distraction. The thought sent a shiver through your body. This election party was a nice distraction, even if it meant schmoozing with this guy. He shook hands with your brothers, and attempted to hug your sister, stopping at you. His eyes seemed to light up. You went in for a hug, unsure of what else to do, as Kendall introduced you. Y/n, the baby of the Roy family. You’d never met him before. You weren’t even sure he knew you existed. You were as far removed from the company as possible. You just weren’t interested. You had a life outside of all this. You thought everyone should do the same, though the idea isn’t well liked. He likes you, Roman said while you two followed the rest to a private room. Was that true? He just learned your name, and yet, it seemed like he couldn’t take his gaze off you, even if you were the least significant Roy in the room. You had no idea what the deal was, what you were supposed to be rooting for, only that it was worth a lot and it was keeping your brothers up at night. Shut up, you hissed back, really wishing you’d said no. The deal went well in Norway, so you thought this was just a formality. You had no idea it was falling apart behind the scenes. 
It was their plan all along. Kendall and Rome had learned his “type”. He had a weakness for someone who looked like you. It didn’t hurt that you were the youngest, either. Barely legal, Roman always joked, though you were far older than that. They knew bringing you along would help, at least it would offer some sort of distraction, like a parting gift. He gets to talk to you, stare at you, imagine whatever he wanted, and they’d get their deal. All you had to do was stand there and look pretty. You’d figured it out quick enough. You played nice, used your best manners, but they were acting strange about it. They watched your every move, paid close attention to everything you did and said. They waited for him to laugh at your jokes before they found it funny. Lukas seemed distracted by you, too. He lost track of what they were talking about, having to be gently, constantly reminded. Even out on the grass, surrounded by his team, the rest of you left to mingle, he always found his way to you. Rome was right. The more he got to know you, heard your sarcasm, your jokes, your unfiltered thoughts and feelings, the more he seemed to like you. Want you. Over the balcony's edge, he followed you out, stood beside you, asking you questions, needing to know more. What were your interests, your hobbies, why weren't you more involved in the company. They never took their eyes off you, wanting to make sure what you were saying was okay. He wasn’t even supposed to show, but he did, and you were his bait. 
Is he always like that? You ask, taking another rancid sip, Oskar I mean. He was high, obviously, and keen on making everyone he came into contact with uncomfortable. He talked about your body in ways you’d never thought at a political party. Lukas came to your defense immediately, seriously, making him and Ebba jump at his tone. You hadn’t expected him to be so offended on your part, but he seemed genuinely upset, leaving the pair in favor of your company. Like an asshole? Most of the time, yes. He chuckles. I am sorry for his behavior. You force a smile. You should hear what they all say. They’re on their best behavior tonight. There were a few Nazis here, it could have been much worse. He nods, understanding, having gotten a warning speech from your sister about how to act and what to say. He asks how you’re doing with your father. You shrug. No one’s asked you since that night. It still feels unreal. He talks about his own father. You can’t help but notice how human he looks all of a sudden, so fragile, so small. You almost feel bad for him. Despite the situation, being offered up to him like a piece of meat, he’s a kid just like you, like your siblings, pretending to know how to handle this niche slice of adulthood. You make a joke about the wine  that gets you a smile. You become more comfortable with him, letting your shoulders drop, your spine slouch. He speaks of Sweden, how beautiful it is, how much he misses it. About his past relationships, that they never seemed to work out. About your family, how messy they are. You can’t help but agree. Not just your siblings, though it was a miracle you were all in the same room without fighting, but your father and mother. He was cruel and took pleasure in pinning you against one another. She was absent and yet so needy, unstable. You talk about your past relationships, how hard it was to find someone who wanted you, not your money or your name. An hour has gone by before you know it. You didn’t mean to tell him all of this, to open up, it just happened. 
Do you want to go back to the party? He asks, eyeing the door. Not really, you think. You can hear the murmur of guests just outside. All of them trying their best to smile and get along. Tomorrow they’ll be at one another's throats. Do you? He shakes his head no. It’s more fun here. That makes heat rush to your face. The conversation flows without any hiccups. Where you want to travel next, what you wanted to be when you were a kid, all your thoughts about the next presidential candidate, favorite ice cream toppings. You spoke about everything and anything. His laugh came easy, especially at your jokes. It was one of the things he liked most about you, your humor. He told you things he wasn’t proud of, things you’d later realize information  your brothers would have killed for. Nothing big, nothing scary, just personal fears. He trusted you with this. You wouldn’t tell another soul. You liked him a hell of a lot more than when you first met. He was more of a person, not just a walking conglomerate. His company was even enjoyable. He had absolutely no filter and said some outrageous things, but in a world like yours, that was normal. The only reason you even stopped was because of a knock at the door. Shiv wore a tight smile, asking if she could speak to Lukas alone. Behind her, Kendall and Rome watched. I’ll see you soon, he promised, don’t stray too far. You nodded, getting up, leaving the room. You couldn’t read your brother's expressions, but it didn’t look good. Wordlessly, they took your arm, leading you far from the room. What the fuck? I was doing what you said to, you said once you were alone, pulling yourself from their tight grips. Roman rolled his eyes. Not everything is about you. Did he tell you about the blood and hair? What the fuck was he talking about? The shock on your face was enough to convince them. They began speaking at the same time. Fucking Matsson has been sending. . . stuff to his ex-girlfriend. I don’t want you going near him again. His numbers are all wrong, they’re all made up. Never should have used you like this. Fraud. Deal. Freak. What were they talking about? You looked down the hall, through the open doorway, where Shiv is talking to him. She looked angry, upset. He seemed content, even jovial, laughing at himself. Was this true? You wouldn't believe it. He seemed like such a nice guy.
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otomehonyaku · 6 months ago
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DIABOLIK LOVERS アニメ公式ノベライズ Official Novelization ☽ Chapter 2 Translation
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[Previous chapter] ☽ [Next chapter]
Originally written by Yukuzuki Hiroha 結来月ひろは Translated from the Japanese by @otomehonyaku
STORY Following her father’s job transfer, Komori Yui is sent to live with the Sakamaki brothers. However, these six brothers turn out to be sadistic, ill-tempered vampires. The men are after Yui’s sweet and incredibly rare blood, and go to great lengths toying with her body and soul to get it. Before long, Yui finds herself trapped in an alluringly dangerous love game(1)...
1. 吸血愛戯 (ラブゲーム): Stylised as ‘love game’ but written with the characters for bloodsucking (吸血), love (愛), and play (戯). The latter character also has a connotation of playfulness/mischief.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
DISCLAIMER This is an unofficial translation intended for those interested in reading the story of the Diabolik Lovers game/season in a slightly more literary format in English. I have no affiliation with Rejet or Frontier Works whatsoever. All rights belong to them, but PLEASE DO NOT POST THIS TRANSLATION ELSEWHERE OR TRANSLATE TO OTHER LANGUAGES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
Now that that’s out of the way—have fun reading! ❤️
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Episode 2
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The evening sun cast a warm glow on the mansion. By the time the chandelier was lit, Yui was sitting on a bed in an unfamiliar room. 
Where am I?
Yui sat upright and looked around. In the corner of the room was the suitcase she had brought to the mansion, as well as her bag. The room was gorgeous with its pink tones and large bed with a lavender-coloured canopy that most girls her age could only dream of. However, Yui wondered why she had been sleeping in this room. 
I arrived at the mansion, and then…
Yui gasped. Right. I found out that they are vampires, that’s why. Remembering the moments leading up to her losing consciousness, she inattentively pressed her fingers to her neck. 
“Thank God, I wasn’t bitten.” Feeling reassured, Yui lowered her fingers to her chest, but suddenly noticed something. “Huh?”
She wasn’t wearing her own clothes, but instead wore a négligé that she had never seen before. 
“Did I change clothes earlier?”
However, Yui had no memory of doing so. In fact, she didn’t remember anything after Ayato pushed her to the floor and she lost consciousness. That meant a stranger had undressed her while she wasn’t conscious. 
“Why am I here? I want to talk to my father…”
Yui wrapped her arms around herself, a thought ran through her mind.
The fact that she is not my own child bears no meaning at all. 
That was what her father’s diary had said when she found it in the forbidden room. I’m not my father’s biological daughter after all… Still, she wasn’t quite sure if she really believed that. She didn’t want to.
“Dad… What’s going on? Please come back home…” Tears started welling up in the corners of her eyes when she remembered the days she’d spent with her father, but the moment was cut short.
“Oh, Bitchlet. It’s no use crying, y’know?”
Yui yelped in surprise. 
When she looked up, Laito was sitting there on her bed, watching her intently. 
“You look hot in your little négligé,” he said, “and you smell delicious, too.” 
Painfully reminded of her current lack of clothing, Yui scrambled for the bed sheets and used them to cover up her chest. Still, the smirk that had been on Laito’s face the entire time grew deeper.
“I wonder if you’re trying to seduce me, little bitch.”
“Why would I…” Yui made an effort to get away from Laito, but soon felt the headboard press into her back, and she knew she had nowhere to run. Oh no… If I don’t do something, he’ll…
The boy was only a hair’s breadth away from her face when he abruptly disappeared from her line of vision, along with the sound of an impact.
“Don’t go touchin’ my things without permission.”
Ayato was the one who had sent his brother flying. 
Laito repositioned his hat onto his head and looked at him. “Ayato, you’re too rowdy.”
“Shut up.”
Has Ayato come to my rescue? If he hadn’t come in, Laito would surely have bitten me. But why would he help me? Even though Yui had not said anything aloud, Ayato called out her wishful thinking immediately.
“I’ll have her.”
So he didn’t come to save me… he was only acting because he didn’t want me swiped away from under his nose.
“Please, don’t!”
“You three. If you do not hurry, we will all be late.” In the blink of an eye, Reiji had also appeared by the side of the bed.
“Again, Reiji?”
“Aw, man, things were just getting good…”
Ignoring Ayato’s and Laito’s complaints, Reiji turned to Yui. “You too. Hurry up and get dressed.”
Yui was glad that the second son had saved her from getting bitten once again, but grew suspicious at his words. “Get dressed? Are we going somewhere?”
“Of course. We’re going to class.”
“Class… at this hour?”
“Please, Yui. Your dull-wittedness is astounding. Do you really not understand anything until I spell it out for you? We attend night classes.”
Yui cast a glance upon the clock at her bedside, and the hands pointed to 5:20 PM. Had she not been here, her classes would have already ended at this time.
“But… we still have an entire day of classes ahead?” Having attended a regular school until now, Yui could not hide her confusion.
“Contrary to what is normal to humans, going out during the day is bothersome for us. As you will be living in the Sakamaki household from now on, we expect you to conform to our lifestyle.”
“But…”
“If you have any complaints, you are welcome to leave at any time,” Reiji said. He then turned to walk away..
“But you said you’d kill me if I ran…” The complaint slipped past Yui’s lips in a voice that was too quiet for Reiji to understand.
“What was that?”
“N-nothing.” Yui shook her head vigorously.
“Then please hurry and put on your uniform.”
When she followed Reiji’s gaze, she saw that a brand new uniform had suddenly appeared on her bed. It consisted of the same blazer that the brothers wore, and a skirt that had white frills attached to the hem. The white shirt ribbon that came with it was tied together with another red ribbon on the centre of the chest. Did they go through all that trouble to get me a school uniform?
“Um…” When Yui raised her face, the three brothers had disappeared from her bedside. And now they’re gone. They really are vampires… 
Alone once again, she sighed heavily. When she tried to get up from the bed, her hand grazed past her rosary.
“Right…” Yui tightly gripped her rosary. “This might be the time to look for the room where I found that diary.” The brothers would be gone, and she would have the room to herself. This chance might not present itself again. 
Yui went to the door and eased it open the tiniest bit in order to check her surroundings. Good. Nobody’s outside my room. Ready to seize the opportunity, Yui prepared to leave the room.
“Yo.”
“Huh?” Somehow, Ayato was standing right in front of her. 
No way. There was nobody here. 
He looked at her scantily-clothed form with an amused grin on his face. “You’re still wearing that? C’mon, I’ll help you change.”
“I’m fine, thank you!” 
Yui shut the door in his face and sighed again. 
Not a chance after all… because I’m not dealing with humans, but with vampires. I should keep my head down for now.
Having given up the idea of going to the forbidden room today, Yui reluctantly got ready to head to class.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
When Yui finished getting ready and descended to the ground floor, a large black limousine was waiting in front of the mansion. Are we�� going to school by limousine?
She hesitated for a second, but the driver opened the door for her. 
Well, I guess I have no choice, then.
“Thank you,” Yui said to the driver before she climbed into the limousine, but he kept silent as he shut the door.
The limousine was spacious enough to fit all of the brothers, and Yui was the last one to arrive. When she sat down on a seat near the door, the limousine quietly departed from the mansion. 
The brothers didn’t talk to one another. The only sound that could be heard was the car’s engine, and the lack of conversation was in stark contrast with their behaviour yesterday. 
Yui looked at the brothers. They couldn’t have been more different from each other—they each had their distinctive hair and eye colour. Are they really brothers?
Reiji was reading a book, and Subaru was sitting next to him, staring out the window with a sullen look on his face. Maybe they just don’t get along. On the opposite side, Laito’s face lit up like he was scheming, Kanato was talking to Teddy, and Shuu was listening to music with his earphones in. 
They really aren’t talking.
“What’re you thinking about, Pancake?” 
Yui had been lost in thought until she was surprised to see Ayato coming towards her, and she instinctively held out her hands to avoid him. The vampire didn’t seem pleased by that. 
Taking advantage of sitting right next to her, Ayato moved in closer. “You got some nerve trying to disobey me, Pancake.”
“All this time, it’s been ‘Pancake,’ ‘Pancake’… I have a name, you know. It’s Komori Yui. Please use it properly.”
“Shut up. Names lost their meaning to me about a hundred years ago, Pancake,” Ayato retorted, drawing out the syllables. Obviously offended, he suddenly bent over Yui, his mouth going for her neck. 
SNAP!
The sound of Reiji’s book slamming shut broke the tense atmosphere.
“How many times do I have to tell you, Ayato? Take such behaviour to your own room.”
Grumbling, Ayato let go of Yui.
Thank God…
“And you. Take this.”
“Huh?”
Reiji held out a juice box for her. “It’s pure cranberry juice. It works best against anaemia.”
“T-thank you,” Yui said in earnest, feeling a little surprised at Reiji’s sudden kindness. 
“No need to thank me,” he responded, sending her a cold glare. “You will have to learn that you are simply our prey, and drink that every day.”
Their… prey? Yui’s hands trembled. She had known it deep down already, but still, Reiji’s cold words struck a chord. Her body was seized by fear. Soon, she was shaking.
“You know, Teddy? When humans are scared, their teeth start ‘chattering.’ Interesting, isn’t it? Let’s observe closely.” Kanato held out Teddy toward Yui.
To these men, all I am is prey. 
The one eye Teddy had that wasn’t covered by an eye patch gleamed at Yui.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
With her lips forming a tight line and her body absolutely rigid, Yui sat in the limousine for another while until it passed under the moonlit gate of Reitei Academy. So this is the night school they were talking about… This was her first time to attend a night school, but Reitei, with its courtyard bathed in moonlight, looked to be a particularly prestigious one.
Yui trailed behind the brothers after they’d gotten out of the limousine and followed them into the courtyard. It was bright and enormous, and the staff had done a good job keeping it tidy.
That’s good. Even though they teach classes at night, it still seems to be a normal school. Yui had felt a little uneasy when she was told to go to the school the brothers went to, but most of the students somehow seemed to be normal humans just like her.
The moment the Sakamakis entered the school’s courtyard, all students stopped and stared. 
Well, if you count out the fact that they’re vampires, they certainly are handsome… When Yui looked at them properly once again, their outward appearance was very well-put together. It certainly wasn’t strange for them to attract attention looking this good.
However, nobody tried talking to them.
Even when they passed through the hallways and a group of female students looked over while chatting with one another in a low voice, they fell silent when Yui returned their gaze. When Yui averted her eyes again, the girls hurriedly moved past them.
What was that for? She turned around and looked at the girls’ backs as they walked away, thinking it strange. Reiji stopped in front of the staircase and called out, pulling Yui out of her daze.
“You are in the same class as Ayato and Kanato, so please go with the two of them.”
“Okay.”
In all earnest, Yui had been looking forward to some time away from the brothers, but she had no choice. She did as she was told, but Reiji’s cold voice stopped her before she could leave with Ayato and Kanato.
”I am not done talking yet.”
Yui reluctantly faced him again.
“If you do not wish to be struck with a whip, I would advise you to not do anything reckless. Understood?”
Meaning that if I tried to run away…
Reiji’s unrelenting gaze gave Yui the chills.
“Answer me.”
“…Yes.”
Feeling Reiji’s ice-like stare on her back, she walked away and headed to the classroom.
This should be it.
When Yui went into the classroom, Kanato was sitting at the very back, a book open in front of him as he cradled Teddy in his arms. Ayato was slumped over on his desk. For some reason, they were the only students there.
But class is just about to start. Why isn’t anyone else here?
Yui considered asking Kanato, but seeing him talk so animatedly to Teddy made her close her mouth again. She quickly glanced at the blackboard. It said Today’s Home Economics class is cooking practice. Please assemble in the school kitchen.
“So we’re doing a cooking class today.” That’s why the classroom was empty—everyone else must have already gone to the kitchen.
We should get going, too. I can’t be late on my first day here. But where is this kitchen?
“…Cooking practice?”
Yui’s voice roused Ayato from his nap, and his face twisted into a suggestive grin. “Hey, Pancake.”
“Ayato, please don’t call me weird names at school.”
“Shut up. You’re better off worrying about where to find the school kitchen.”
As if he had read Yui’s mind, she fell silent.
“Yours Truly could do you a favour and take you there.”
“Really?”
”Yeah. C’mon.” Ayato grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of the classroom.
“Ah, wait!”
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
“…Um, Ayato?”
“What?”
“Where are we?”
The room Ayato had dragged her to was filled with cooking utensils and supplies. However, there were no other students in sight.
“It’s the school kitchen.”
“Then why is nobody here?”
“‘Cause this is the old kitchen. They teach the cooking classes in the new one.”
In other words, Ayato tricked her into coming here.
“So why did you bring me here?”
“As for the reason…” Ayato stood up from the chair he’d been sitting on, and stalked towards Yui.
Oh no, not again… Yesterday’s events were still etched into the back of her mind, making Yui freeze in place, but the answer coming out of Ayato’s mouth surprised her.
“Make me some takoyaki.”
“T-takoyaki?”
…Like, actual takoyaki?
“Well, I don’t expect anything but the world’s best takoyaki.”
A takoyaki pan was already present on the table, making Yui realise the height of his expectations. So that’s why he brought me here? She wasn’t sure if this was the actual reason why, but this wasn’t the time to think about that.
”But… we should head to class, quickly.”
“Don’t talk back to me. Yours Truly will eat your takoyaki. Now get cooking!”
“You could at least ask nicely…”
“You say something?” Ayato clearly wasn’t intending to go back to class. 
Yui did as he said, and started the preparations to make takoyaki. Fortunately, most of the ingredients were already there, and Yui somehow managed to make takoyaki with them.
“Here you go.”
Ayato stuffed the takoyaki into his mouth without hesitation. “So good!” 
Next to an innocently grinning Ayato, who feasted happily on the takoyaki, sat a rather dreary-looking Yui. “It’s only my first day of school and I’ve already skipped a class…”
Yui had never expected it to come to this on her first day after transferring to Reitei. She had never skipped a class before, even at her old school. 
“No use worrying ‘bout such small things. Have a bite.”
Before Yui could answer, Ayato pushed a ball of takoyaki into her mouth. “It’s delicious!” 
“Right?”
For something she had made herself, it had turned out pretty well. As the two sat and enjoyed the takoyaki, Yui caught a glimpse of the clock hanging on the wall. 
Their next class was about to start.
“We need to clean up. I don’t want to miss our next class too.” Yui began carrying the cooking utensils she used to make takoyaki to the sink. To avoid her getting wet, she took off her blazer, and hurriedly began washing a bowl. She had not realised there would be so much washing-up to do. 
Ayato, satisfied with a belly full of takoyaki, stretched out his legs and reclined in his chair, watching Yui as she did the dishes.
“Give me a hand, Ayato. You were the one who wanted me to make takoyaki, right?”
Silently, the vampire got up from his chair and crept over to her. He stopped just at her back. Yet Yui had not heard him coming over the sound of the running water, and so she called out to him again.
“Hey, Aya—”
When Yui looked over her shoulder, Ayato was right there. He was looking down on her quite literally, and as soon as she saw the look in his eyes, she immediately squirmed away from him.
“What’re you running away for?” He stalked over Yui, who was now standing by the window. “I’ve been going crazy since yesterday. I don’t wanna hold off any longer.”
I have to run…
Ayato captured her in his arms with ease.
“Let me taste you.”
“Please, don’t…” 
The words did not reach him. Ayato grabbed her chin and turned her face to the side, exposing the nape of her neck.
“No bite marks at all. Your skin looks delicious, really.”
Taking in the sight of her slender, pale neck right in front of him, a satisfied smile played at Ayato’s lips.
“Yours Truly will be the one to take all your firsts.”
The next moment, Ayato’s teeth hovered above the skin of her throat. A predatory gleam clouded his eyes before he buried his fangs deep in her neck. 
Yui gasped. The pain of Ayato’s sharp teeth piercing her neck and the feeling of her blood flowing freely into Ayato’s mouth made her body tremble. Even if Yui wanted to run from him, he had a strong grip on both her jaw and her waist. 
“Fuck… what is this? I’ve never tasted blood this sweet before.” Ayato briefly pulled away from her neck, his eyes twinkling with delight. “I like you.”
Before long, Ayato’s fangs brutally punctured Yui’s skin a second time.
“Please…”
Yui was not sure whether it was because he was sucking her blood, but her head began to grow numb, as if she was not herself anymore. 
I’m… scared… If he keeps feeding on me, I'll truly become their prey… I’m so scared.
Yui gathered all her strength to push Ayato away from her. However, the force of her push made the skin tear where Ayato had punctured it with his fangs. The intense pain shooting through her neck knocked the breath out of her, and her face contorted in agony.
“Idiot. If you move around while I bite you, you’ll only make it hurt more, you know.” When Ayato looked up, his lips were stained a bright red when they pulled away from his teeth in a smile.
“Ah…”
His lips were stained the colour of Yui’s blood.
I’ve really been fed on.
With the pain and shock of having her blood sucked, the fear showed plainly on her face.
“Seeing you in tears with your face twisting in pain… It’s too tempting.” Ayato wiped the blood from his lips with the back of his hand, and then licked it off before reaching out to Yui again. 
“Please, stop…”
“No stopping now.”
Ayato pushed her up against the window and bit down on the nape of her neck again.
The moonlight illuminated the two of them through the window, contrasting with the dark room behind them. The moon above Yui was the last thing she saw before her consciousness fell into a deep darkness.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
“You two are an embarrassment to do such a thing on school premises.”
Before long, Reiji was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed and his eyes fixed on Ayato and Yui. Ayato clicked his tongue as he turned around to face his brother.
“Damn it! Shit was just getting good.”
“Look at the state of her. That is your fault, Ayato. Take responsibility for your actions and take her home.”
When Ayato glanced at Yui, who was still in his arms, he noticed that she had already passed out. Might’ve been a bit too rough. The colour of Yui’s face was past the point of flattery, and she did not look like she would be waking up anytime soon. At the same time, Ayato could not simply leave her there. He knew exactly how Reiji would react if he did, and he wasn’t looking forward to that.
“Hmph.”
Ayato swept Yui up into his arms, and the next instant, they had disappeared from the room completely.
“Good grief. If only they could just behave.” Reiji let out a heavy sigh and walked out of the room.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
“Ugh…”
Yui opened her eyes on a bench next to the indoor pool inside the mansion.
Why am I here? I thought I was at school…
“Yo, you’re awake.”
Ayato was sitting on the armrest, lazily playing around with the uniform ribbon that had somehow found its way from neck into his hands.
Right, he fed on me…
Yui tried sitting upright, but the loss of blood had also drained the strength from her body. Seeing her struggle, Ayato walked over to her. 
“S-stay away!” 
Ayato halted.
The fact that vampires needed human blood for nourishment, Yui knew. But Ayato, on the other hand, only seemed to be toying with her. 
“Why are you doing this?” Yui asked.
Ayato stood over her, staring at her coldly. “You still don’t get it?”
“Huh?”
In a flash, Yui’s body was raised in the air, and Ayato’s face was a hair’s breadth away from hers. He’d picked her up with ease and began walking. Yui struggled to have Ayato put her back down, but he leisurely strode over towards the pool. He came to a stop right by the edge of the water.
“Yours Truly is the one who controls you. Stop complaining about everything!” 
Ayato had barely finished speaking before he threw Yui into the water. 
Yui screamed. A loud splashing sound echoed off the walls of the indoor pool. 
Oh no, I can’t swim…
To make matters worse, Yui was still wearing her uniform, and it weighed her down even more as it absorbed the water. She tried to wrestle herself to the surface, but despite her desperate efforts, she still felt herself sinking towards the bottom of the deep pool.
Ayato watched her struggle from the poolside.
“Tell me that I’m the best. Tell me that I’m better than anyone else, and that you’re mine.”
In a stroke of luck, Yui managed to come up for air. She begged for Ayato to help her, but she kept getting pulled back down. 
“Ayato—I can’t—I can’t swim…”
Yui desperately screamed Ayato’s name, but she had already disappeared under the surface of the water. 
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Whether he had heard her or not, Ayato's expression remained unchanged as he stared down at the water. This is Pancake’s fault. She disobeyed me…
Memories from his childhood haunted Ayato as he watched Yui’s struggling form in the pool.
In his thoughts, Ayato travelled to a lake far away, one hand strenuously reaching out of the water, flailing desperately. The blurry shape of a woman seemed to come closer from under the surface of the water. Ayato fought his way up, and reached out a hand towards her.
However, the woman had not come to save Ayato from drowning. She merely looked on, her expression flat.
Help me…
Ayato’s face twisted in despair knowing that his words would not reach anyone, but rather disappeared into the lake.
Help me…
Yui’s screams for help lined up with Ayato’s distant memory and without giving it any more thought, Ayato launched himself into the water. He did not know why he did it. Even though he harboured a sliver of doubt about his own behaviour, he took Yui into his arms under the surface of the pool.
Well, he did tell us not to kill her.
Reminding himself of this fact, Ayato cupped Yui’s face in his hands, and pressed his lips to hers.      
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
It’s warm… and I can breathe again.
When Yui opened her eyes, she realised that Ayato had been transferring air to her with a kiss. Ayato pulled away as soon as he saw that she had regained consciousness. 
Why is he looking at me with such a forlorn expression?
In the deafening silence of the water, Yui saw herself reflected in his eyes, which were clouded with sadness.
Don’t look at me like that, Yui wanted to say, but the air Ayato had given her became bubbles under the water. 
I can’t breathe…
Seeing the struggle on Yui’s face again, Ayato undid the top buttons of her blouse to expose her shoulder, and sank his fangs into her skin.
“Nnh!”
Bubbles rose to the surface of the water again when Yui cried out. When Ayato switched to a different spot, biting her again and again, the blood seeping from the wounds in Yui’s skin floated around the two of them like a red ribbon that bound them together.
I have no air left…
Just when Yui was about to lose consciousness again, Ayato held on tight and pulled her with him to the surface. Yui coughed heavily to clear her lungs of water and desperately fill them with air at the same time. Ayato’s head was now above the water as well, and his eyes gleamed with a bewitching ferality that she had never seen of him before.
“Fuck, I can feel your blood flowing through my body… I can feel its power…”
“Please, no more…” Yui begged in a soft voice. Her face was white as a sheet, and the cold water and Ayato’s feeding had left her trembling incessantly.
“It can’t be helped. Let’s call it here for today.” Ayato held on to Yui as he swam to the edge of the pool, and hoisted her upwards onto the tiles.
Feeling an intense relief at being on solid ground again, Yui fell to the floor. Ayato threw a towel over her head.
“Huh?”
Yui was surprised by Ayato’s small gesture, but before she could thank him, Ayato turned his back on her and walked away without saying anything.
What does he really want with me?
Unable to figure out his motive, Yui tightly gripped the towel.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Around the same time, a man in a long, dark coat appeared in the woods surrounding the mansion. His motives seemed unclear窶派e merely stood there. However, as if he had noticed something, his head suddenly snapped up, and his red eyes focused on the sight in front of him.
Ah… Brings back memories.
The man’s eyes were trained on the Sakamaki mansion.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Yui had used the shower room adjacent to the pool, and when she returned to her room, she was stopped by the faint sound of a door unlocking once again. With suspicion, she followed the source of the sound, and reached another dilapidated spiral staircase.
“This staircase should lead to that room…”
Since then, Reiji had forbidden her from entering, but Yui was not prepared to give up on finding her father’s diary. I might be able to sneak into the room unnoticed from here, Yui thought as she ascended the stairs and found, as expected, the forbidden room.
Yui entered quietly, and immediately began the search for her father’s diary. It should have been right around here…
Carefully tiptoeing around the shards of broken glass, Yui eventually found the diary among the books on the floor.
“Gotcha!” She opened the little notebook without delay. “Huh…What’s this?”
Yui’s eyes widened in surprise. Her hands trembled as she flipped the pages. 
The pages were all completely blank where her father’s handwriting had been.
“It’s all… gone…” So what on Earth did I see before?
In a daze, the notebook slipped out of Yui’s hands and fell onto the floor, the sound reverberating through the quiet, empty space.
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ckret2 · 8 months ago
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this is a little bit of a bizarre question but the way you manage to “flesh out” characters while keeping them consistent is really remarkable to me!
I’m having a lot of trouble making characters feel less ‘one-dimensional’ (especially female characters…It’s like my mind just draws a blank)
I understand it helps that most of the characters you’re writing have pre established personalities, aesthetics, etc. but I still feel like you manage to make the characters your own in a believable way.
do you have any advice for someone with this issue? if not, just know that I’m really really loving Bill-Goldilocks-Cipher and always look forward to the next chapter!!!
so the first thing you have to do is get deeply deeply obsessed with the story and then you have to go on walks fantasizing feverishly about the characters
But more serious answer:
Advice #1: Just take whatever you already know about the character and dig dig dig dig dig.
Take Wendy. She's the cool girl. Her character concept when she was designed was The Cool Girl. She's such a cool girl that by the end of the series she's symbolically represented by a bag of ice. She also says in one episode that she's NOT laid back, she's stressed all the time, because of her family.
Why is a 24/7 stressed teenager trying to give off an air of being cool and chill? Why did she start? What's she getting out of it? Why does she feel the pressure to maintain that facade? If she's so stressed, what's going on inside her head when she interacts with people? Her friends? Her boss? In one episode, she responds to both a request to hang out at a carnival and a request to start a romantic relationship with "yeah, I guess so." It's so passive. Why's she so passive in her relationships? Especially when she's so outwardly tough and assertive? What's the source of this side of her that just goes along with what other people suggest with seemingly no interest of her own—again, including a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP? How does this relate to her being the "cool girl"? How does this relate to her deliberate decision to portray herself as "the cool girl"? In one episode she gets a scrape and the FIRST THING she does is forcefully tell Dipper NOT to freak out—why is her priority hastening to reassure the people around her before taking care of herself? She's got three younger brothers—is that how she interacts with them? Is one of them scared of blood? Does she see Dipper like one of her little brothers? Elder sisters often get handed the responsibility to act like mini-moms at young ages—did that happen to Wendy? Her mom is GONE, did that INCREASE the pressure on her? Is that why her family stresses her? What's it like in that house? Being pushed into acting like a mini-mom is a very traditionally feminine role—nurturing—which is at odds with Wendy's kinda soft butch presentation and way of speaking/acting—but is it at odds with Wendy's overall behavior? Following along with what the guys do rather than deciding for herself, passively accepting romantic propositions rather than pursuing someone she actually wants? Is she comfortable in those roles or does she feel pushed into them? Does it grate at her? Does she ever want to act assertive rather than just appear like an assertive person? Why do we never see her "we're WOMEN and we TAKE WHAT WE WANT" side more than once—and is it significant that she only pulls that out when there aren't any guys around? Does being the cool girl—supportive, accepting, nurturing, passive—chafe at her? Why's she do it?
Just keep digging. Overanalyze those tiny character details. Tie them together. Become the "I've connected the two dots" "You didn't connect shit" "I've connected them" meme. You can, will, and must connect the two dots. Treat every character like a mystery to figure out.
But your starting point is always whatever you already know about the character. You're building off of that foundation. You throw NOTHING out the window, buster—EVERY detail is important. You're not just wholesale making shit up—you're extrapolating wildly from whatever you already have. Making shit up always feels unanchored and vague. I said in an ask a few days ago that I headcanon Wendy likes that "stomp clap hey" hipster music genre. I didn't grab that randomly. I grabbed it because when we see her bedroom, she's got a poster with a banjo on it; she's super stoked to go to the Woodstick festival, and when she shows some of the featured indie bands to Dipper she focuses on two of the hipsteriest-sounding ("Scarves Indoors," "Wood Grain on Everything") and the apparent headlining band is the Handlebar Bros (just look at them); and she desperately wants to move to Portland, which in 2012 was the hipster capitol of North America—that's the culture she wants to escape to. No making shit up!! BUILD OFF WHAT YOU HAVE.
And Advice #2: you're telling a story, here. You have a plotline. Shape your characters to serve the story you're telling. What kind of a story are you telling? I'm telling a story about the destructive consequences of being a "special" kid—gifted kids, child celebrities, pageant kids, kids pushed to fill adult roles too young—the perfectionism, the burnout, the fear that anything short of excellence is insufficiency, the need for external validation, seeking love through fame rather than intimacy. When I'm looking at shallow characters and seeing how to fit them into the story, I'm prodding at them to see whether anything we know about them holds the potential to comment on themes like that—and then, if they do, that gives me an direction to dig in that already personally fascinates me, because it helps me weave this character into the story I already want to tell. If a character doesn't inherently carry any of those themes—then what can I do with the contrast between this character and the others?
And then, sometimes, I'm telling a story about two guys getting hunted down by a tooth fairy that desperately wants to steal one's teeth and a dentist that's willing to do anything she says but not motivated to furiously avenge her when she's defeated. Now I've got to make up two characters completely from scratch, BUT I don't have to make them up aimlessly. I already know the exact shapes they need to be fill their assigned positions in the story—I know what they need to do to make the story work—and now I can build them from the edges in, to make them the kinds of people they need to be to perform the actions I want to serve the plot they're in. And from there I can build them just like any character—I take the things they need to be, the things I already know about them (the dentist obeys the fairy but doesn't want to avenge her) and I dig dig dig (why would he not want to avenge her if he's so obedient? Does he obey her out of obligation but not true loyalty? Why? What kind of a person does this make him?)
And the tl;dr of all of that advice is:
so the first thing you have to do is get deeply deeply obsessed with the story and then you have to go on walks fantasizing feverishly about the characters
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queen-of-writing-bad-things · 9 months ago
Text
Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 5
Episode 14: My Dinner With Bigfoot (SMUT)
*hola, amigos, we have a little sprinkling of smut throughout the chapter. 
Oh, yeah, this is gonna be spread out since variety is the spice of life. don't do stuff in the woods though. you will get arrested in real life. HAVE FUN!
for the less corrupted amongst us, there are some slightly spicy scenes towards the middle that aren't too bad, followed by genuine smut so look out for the warnings since we'll be going in and out of mature content*
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Friday night, date night. Or at least it was supposed to be.
Things had been busy lately. Since the loss of the fifth and sixth Man Cave, there had been a lot of baloney about sorting stuff out. That new Man Cave smell was nice but it was so formal and stiff, not the kind of thing you wanted for your home, so Ray and (y/n) had made good on their promise to each other.
Not the new wardrobe thing, although Ray did take his sweet girl out shopping one afternoon and returned carrying fourteen bags just to rival every other man in the mall who was following their wife or girlfriend around like a lovesick puppy. 
Every surface. No joke. That's what he'd whispered in her ear, so that's what they'd done, desecrating their new bed as well as the shower, the guest shower, a few walls, the hall, the couch, the computer's chair, the kitchen and the tubes. Animals. 
Things were back to normal, which meant a quiet night in was needed with the two of them and a bottle of red. No funny business, that's what Ray had said, not because he didn't love fucking her whenever and wherever but because after getting scolded by Schwoz for leaving evidence strewn across the Man Cave, he decided they needed to dial it back a bit.
And that had led to them enjoying a very fine evening in their room, nothing lewd or suggestive, just the two of them curled up on the floor with a blanket next to a TV with a looped video of a fireplace on the monitor. It was a bit corny as they sipped their wine and giggled when it went to their heads, laughing when Ray fed (y/n) a strawberry and booped her nose. 
It was cute and there wasn't stuff. Ray had told Schwoz there wouldn't be and that's how it was staying. That was the plan, anyway.
"You know what this reminds me of?" the man mumbled as he watched his lover swirl the blood-red liquid in her glass before putting it down to focus on his words. He was languishing against a half-moon of pillows, arms stretched along the row and his legs spread in front of him so she could shuffle closer, curl into his side and rest her head against his chest.
"What?" 
"The first time I took you out to dinner..." he said softly and tucked a loose strand of her behind her ear when it fell from her lowering her gaze shyly. It was a bit weird, he knew that this was nothing like the first time he took her out to dinner, whether it be they were "friends" or lovers.
"What? You do know that we weren't sitting on the floor or alone in your bedroom on either occasion," (y/n) giggled, sitting up so she could look at him properly and possibly sneak a sip from the wine glass he raised to his lips, even though she had her own. 
God, her younger self would kill to know what her future held and would've died and gone to heaven at the idea of her best friend pulling her into his lap so their faces were at the same level, his hand on her bare thigh, fingers grazing under her dress innocently as he pecked her lips.
"I know, but it feels the same. But this time, you're not my friend or my girlfriend...you're my wife," Ray grinned and tilted his head forward to catch her lips once more in a slow, sloppy, uncoordinated dance that was enough to set a fire alight in (y/n)'s core. Her hips shifted and tilted to press against his clothed cock, which was barely hard, merely twitching with slight interest as his jeans gave her a glimpse of pleasure. 
They shouldn't--couldn't, she knew that. This was meant to be relaxing, a chance for them to catch up with clothes on but she couldn't help it. Call her crazy after the Christening of The Cave as it had come to be known but she wanted him. She always had and it was that which convinced her. 
Until the taste of wine became sharp and sour on her tongue and she remembered that her past self never had to contend with tipsy Ray.
"Doofus..." she giggled, pulling away from his lips, although she remained firmly on his lap, clit pulsating against the rough coolness of his zipper, "I think someone has had a little too much wine...I'm not your wife yet."
"You should be...you're so pretty and smart. My sweet girl..." he mumbled and dragged his thumb over her bottom lip as he pouted at the thought of yet more waiting. He pouted even more when she took his wine glass from his hand, the one that had been dangerously close to tipping its contents all over them as he lost himself in her honey taste, and placed it next to hers away from the blanket.
No spillages, thank you. Instead, the chilled Pinot was left to go lukewarm as her hands returned to his shoulders to keep him pushed against their pillow next and his eyebrows twitched at the sudden change in the atmosphere. 
He could feel it; the way she looked at him, the way her thighs trembled when his grip slid to her waist and how her weight seemed to shift to press against him at the right angle and make him stiffen. 
"I know what we can do in the meantime," (y/n) smirked and slotted her mouth against his, expecting him to play right into her hands and remap his territory with his typical vigour. Ray loved pinning her down, ravishing her, taking what he wanted, especially when he was given such a tempting invite, so it was a surprise when he pulled away.
"No, sweet girl, what did we say?" the man growled and held her away from him by wrapping a gentle hand around her throat. He didn't squeeze, it just rested there as a reminder that despite his reluctance to spread her out and have his fill, he was very much in charge. However, it didn't stop her from whining and rocking her cunt against him once as a protest.
"But--"
"No buts. I promised Schwoz that we just having a quiet dinner in a room, nothing that will cause him any grief," she huffed at the name of the genius, who right now was the enemy since it was his complaint that meant his free hand was clutching her pelvic bone to keep her still. 
So what if he found her bralette on top of the microwave? It was nothing he hadn't seen before but apparently, finding the matching panties hanging from a monitor in the main room was the final straw. Whoops.
"So? We'll just have to be extra careful next time we fuck in front of the TV," the heroine giggled, drawing another growl from his lips as he casually pressed butterfly kisses to her jaw. There wasn't gonna be the next time, not if he could help it, no matter how irresistible the offer was, but he figured a peck or two couldn't hurt.
"Needy little girl..."
"And besides. What we do in our room isn't up to Schwoz. If he finds something in here, then it's his fault, not mine when I want you to fuck me in our bed, in our bedroom, with the door shut," she whispered hotly into his ear, biting the lobe as she made her point and began grinding her clothed pussy into his lap, where he was getting undeniably hard from her begging.
Her dress was flimsy, thin and the sort of garment he didn't like to see her walk outside in just because she looked as if she could freeze to death at any moment, in any weather. But she didn't intend to walk away, not when she had him to keep her warm and the delightful friction between her legs, which had perfect access in the dress he hated to love. 
But even he couldn't resist bunching her dress around her thighs and pushing it up to her belly button, revealing the lacy panties she'd put on underneath. Fuck him, they were soaked, sliding over his painfully hard cock that throbbed at the sight of her rutting against him--a show only for him. 
He wasn't going back on his word, he was just looking with hooded eyes. Nothing wrong with that. 
"But I'm not gonna fuck you, darlin'. Not here, not tonight. Not after someone else got to see your panties and I had to collect them," the hero told her firmly, swallowing the lump in his throat when she wailed and sagged against him. The look in her eyes suggested mutiny as if he'd betrayed her in the worst way as her hips kept moving--almost madly now that he'd said that.
He'd be a liar if he said the thought of pushing into her wet little hole didn't make him want to cream his pants, he could tell from the mess she was making that she was desperate despite them being very...active over the past few days. But that was the problem, she wasn't there when a mortified Schwoz handed over a pile of freshly laundered underwear whilst wearing rubber gloves with him as the equally mortified recipient. 
"Wha---Ray, that's not fair! I need it--want your cock so bad! Can't you see how wet I am?" she whined, pulling at his shirt like a petulant child who couldn't get her way. Her fingers snaked to cup her mound, where she gathered an embarrassing amount of slick that had seeped through the lace on two fingers. Even through his jeans, she could make out the head of his cock straining against the denim and her mouth dropped open when it poked and teased her entrance.
"Which is why you're going to get yourself off like this. Rubbing your pretty clit and begging me for more, so come on. Make yourself cum," Ray challenged, giving her a hard stare, which she shrank under. He wasn't gonna--huh? 
She could do as he asked, with him talking so filthily in her ear, it was easy but what she desired was so close. It didn't make sense that he'd sit there and torture himself like that when it would be so easy to unzip his pants and free his cock, let her bounce on it a little until they were both falling apart. And yet here he was, gazing down at her so cockily as his hands started to pull her hips back and forth.
"But I want to ride and cum on your cock, like I did on the couch--wanna feel you so deep inside--" she muttered squeakily as her hand went inside her panties and began circling her clit in a figure of eight. He seemed pleased with how she carried out his barked orders and fondled her tit through her dress as she did until her stupid mouth got her into trouble for being bratty.
"What did I say, little one? You'll take whatever I do or don't give you and endure. I want you to cum like this," he replied harshly and the hand that had been pinching at her nipples left them alone to smack her ass harshly, causing her cunt to brush against his cock deliciously. A hiss left his lips and as much as he wanted to take care of her, was suddenly, selfishly starting to wish that he could fill her up.
This was yet another part of his game and she loved playing it no matter how frustrated she became when the stimulation on her throbbing bud wasn't enough. Poor thing, she had it too easy, thinking she would get fucked every time her pussy started aching, but he had to teach her that bad girls don't get what they want. 
"Please..." she pleaded, nuzzling her head under his jaw and kissing his pulse point in a bid to get as close to him as possible. Maybe if she reminded him that she was his good girl, his sweet girl, his cute, innocent future wife, he'd give in.
"No..." he growled, refusing to touch her any more than he already was; hands on her ass, tits and waist, lips nibbling at her neck, no more. It added to her frustration when he let groaned lowly in the back of his throat, no doubt kicking his orgasm away as she teetered on the edge of hers.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, I can't--please!" (y/n) begged. No matter how hard she tried, how quickly she rubbed, how deeply she ground, her release was always out of reach, running away as soon as she chased it and only he had what she needed to grasp it. 
Again, he denied her, helping her movements against him as if that was any help. The only real thing he did was seize the top of her panties between his two fingers and thumb before ripping the elastic. The lace was shredded, useless and able to peel away easily from her figure after that, meaning her cunt was bare and free to ruin his pants as she wished, even if the increased friction was laughable. 
"Fuck, you're soaked, sweetheart. This all for me? This the hole you want fucked?" he asked mockingly as his fingers finally stroked through her velvety slick, causing her mouth to fall open and her pussy to move against them greedily. A fingertip breached her hole and she screamed, hands balling his shirt as one digit slid into her and then another straight away.
Her head nodded weakly as she sobbed at finally having something to clench around but it was nowhere near enough. Not when she was used to stretching around his girth as he pounded the life out of her.
"More--please--need your--cock--"
"How many times, filthy girl? I'm not fucking you right now, you can cum on my hand," Ray tried to remain firm, scissoring his fingers to try and make them feel bigger. Honestly, he didn't care about Schwoz, it was his Man Cave, he'd fuck his fiancée wherever he liked but it provided a good excuse to tease her and drag their date out a little more. 
He loved her like this and had planned to woo her, bed her, make love to her during the evening, forgetting his promise to Schwoz. Although, he didn't expect to be quite like this.
"But--but you could fuck me, fuck my pussy...anywhere," his fingers stilled inside her and his eyes met hers with a steely gaze, causing her to carry on with needy confidence, "you said you would and you still haven't. Captain, why haven't you fucked my ass yet?"
The effect was instantaneous and better than she could have ever imagined. Ray's hand was ripped from her cunt and she whined at that, only to whimper when he roared and pushed her to the blanket roughly. Within seconds, he was swiftly crawling up her body whilst simultaneously fumbling to free his weeping member, which was straining after that suggestion.
That had been pushed to the back of their minds, on the table but ignored for now since they'd never had enough time to do it safely and properly but that didn't mean he wasn't desperate to try it. He still wanted to see her every hole claimed, sated and owned by him, so her teasing rose the beast within him that wanted her on all fours for him to see.
"You're so bad--bad fucking girl. My girl," he grumbled in her ear as she braced herself on her hands and knees, skirt flicked over her ass, and looked back to see his perfect, glorious cock pulled from his zipper. He was leaking, an angry-red colour and bobbing deliciously as he hissed from the cool air; it was clear that he couldn't be bothered to properly take off their clothing, not after she'd said that.
"I'm gonna fuck this pussy so hard and then, if you're lucky, I might start practising stretching this hole out, ready for my--" Ray rambled, letting himself get lost in the fantasy as his head pressed against her entrance and gently began to break her open. The burn was heavenly and (y/n) groaned throatily at the relief it provided, thinking they were the only people in the world at that moment.
That is until she looked up and saw through blurry eyes how the door handle was turning. 
With a squeal, she instinctively crawled forward and away from Ray, snatching a blanket from the pile next to their nibbled-at dinner and draped it across her lap quicker than her lover could blink or keep hold of her.
"What the fuc--" he snarled, outraged and confused that she'd moved away at such a crucial moment when he was half-cocked and dying to slip inside her walls. Seeing nothing but red, he thought that she was playing some devilish game and so, he went to grab her, intent on spanking her ass until it was red and sore and in need of her superpower to make it better. But then he saw it too.
The doorknob had made a half-rotation and he only had a fraction of a second to yank a cushion from next to her head and press it into his crotch when the door was pushed open by the one person Ray did not want to see at that moment. 
They'd fallen against the pillows, panting, sweaty and trying to appear as if they'd merely been sipping wine and not on the verge of fucking, when Jasper entered the room, staring at his phone and unaware as to what he'd walked in on. 
Of course, it was him.
"J-Jasper, what are you doing in our bedroom?" (y/n) asked breathlessly, trying to fan her warm cheeks in a subtle way that wasn't subtle at all. Anyone with half a brain could realise what had been going on just by how warm and close the air was, how warm and close they were, if they only took a minute to observe. 
"Yeah, what are you doing here?" Ray asked darkly, glaring at the boy as he felt his cock soften and the mood vanish. He was still desperate, raring to go and would give anything to slide into his sweet girl had he not rudely interrupted. 
"Oh, uh, yeah...you said that you were gonna join me and Henry tonight, remember?" the boy said, looking up from his phone to see nothing out of the ordinary.
It was damn lucky that Jasper only had a quarter of a brain, otherwise, they'd have a lot of explaining to do with very red faces. But he was oblivious to their sticky foreheads and stiff shoulders, plus the way Ray refused to move the cushion from his pants as he thought about the boy's words.
"Oh...yeah. That," he mumbled, sending an apologetic glace to his puzzled lover, who hadn't heard of this arrangement before. What a fool Ray was; he'd agreed to the boys' night with the teens since they rarely had any guy time. So, tonight they were gonna be reckless, dumb and crazy, keeping their youth alive. And it seemed that he'd double-booked the date too. Oh, hell.
"What? Look, Jasper, I'm sorry but Ray's gonna have to miss whatever you've planned 'cause we've still got half a bottle to finish as well as something else, so--" she laughed nervously, feeling highly uncomfortable that her dearest Curly was in the room when she was aching on the inside. 
She didn't care about whatever they'd planned, she thought Ray would choose her over a stupid night playing video games and eating candy. How wrong she was.
"So, just gimme a minute. I'll be right there," Ray told Jasper, gulping to keep his voice steady as (y/n) looked at him with shocked, wide eyes and an open mouth. The boy grinned and walked off, calling to Henry down the hall to get the popsicles from the freezer, leaving the woman to gawk in silence as they breathed again.
"Wh--what? You can't leave me here!" she gasped as she relaxed into the blanket and expected Ray to do the same, but no. When he said he'd be right there, he meant it and was already tucking himself away and doing up his zipper as she laid there, still wet and needy. 
He looked sorry, apologetic and remorseful but even so, that didn't stop him from standing up to grab a moist napkin from their dinner table to dab away any embarrassing stains and freshen himself up. 
"Precious girl, this is my fault. We arranged this night ages ago and I can't let Henry down...or the other one," Ray told her gently as he finished scrubbing himself and threw the napkin onto the tray again. She scoffed as he looked in the mirror and ran a hand through his tousled locks, smiling softly as she scowled and stamped her foot against the carpet. It was childish but she was distraught.
"But you can't leave me here without fucking me first..." the heroine muttered and grabbed the leftover wine to take a large swig--much-needed fortification to quench the blaze inside of her. The burn in her throat was unpleasant and made her eyes water but she hid the discomfort well, welcoming it to mask her frustration. How could he walk away? Was he not burning up as she was?
"I promise I'll fuck you later, yeah? Later, I swear," he insisted, deeming his appearance suitable enough to show a couple of teenagers and stepping away from the mirror. His smile met her glare and he leaned down to kiss her goodbye, probably the last one of the night since they were set to pull an all-nighter. However, (y/n) couldn't help but linger and try to swipe his tongue into his mouth--a play to entice him back that ultimately failed.
"Later. I'm holding you to that," she said to him firmly as he pulled away before his semi could return at full force. He couldn't deny that he still wanted her and was equally frustrated but he had to hide it well for the kids. They didn't need to see that.
"Later," he repeated and with one final peck on her forehead, he swept out of the room, leaving her a trembling mess in their rudimentary picnic spot. She'd finish herself off to the roaring of the fake fire but it wasn't enough. It could never be and she couldn't help but wonder.
Was Jasper an idiot or was he just being purposefully annoying?
*SAFETY AT LAST. Not my best but we've more yet to come, so stay tuned my fellow sinners--Onwards with the episode!*
~Many long hours later~
Annoying. Very annoying. They all were so damn annoying. One, two and three.
(y/n) had slept alone that night, had gone to bed in a frightful mood and all because of their stupid, ridiculous, testosterone-fuelled party. And it was a party—a big one. 
At one point, she'd woken up at three-thirty to go pee when she heard their rowdy voices in the main room, shouting something about Henry finishing an entire can of soda in eight seconds. Full sugar, no doubt, that's what they ran off for the past god knows how long. The binge hadn't stopped when the sun rose, not when their sugar highs nosedived and not when Charlotte came to work at nine to see a very grumpy woman sitting in the chaos as she'd tried to eat breakfast. 
For the life of her, Charlotte couldn't work out why the heroine was so grumpy and tetchy, it wasn't like her at all but in the end, she'd put her snide remarks and long sighs down to her being tired and moody from Ray's antics. 
Hell, she'd only been there five minutes and she was tired from their conga line, so to escape from the tornado of pizza and smelly armpits, the girls had legged it to the safety of a cafe for the morning, hoping that by the time they'd finished gossiping and sipping cappuccinos, they'd be sleeping it off on the floor or couch. That was so naive of them.
It's how they'd ended up where they were now; one of the boys, assisting in something bovine and moronic frolic that required more players than they had. What the hell even was a haircut chain?
"How's it lookin', Henry?" Jasper asked his friend as the boy stood behind him. This was their big idea; they each stand behind one another with lasers--very dangerous, highly unpredictable lasers--so that they could give each other haircuts. Yeah, Charlotte and (y/n) didn't understand either.
"Lookin' gooood!" Henry replied with a smirk as he lightly trimmed Jasper's hair so it was a gradual fade and not a severe cut. The lasers were at their weakest setting, which meant they were being irresponsibly complacent since they merely saw it as a free haircut, nothing more. "How's it lookin', Ray?"
"Lookin' ooooookay!" the man said happily as he zapped at the stray hairs on his sidekick with an experienced hand. Behind him, his sweet girl and Charlotte were doing the same to him, although the woman needed to stand on a ladder held steady by the girl to match his tall stature. She was still thrumming on the inside, she could feel it when she walked and could see it in his gaze when they'd come home but still, the wait went on. 
"How's it lookin', sweet girl? Charlotte?"
"We do not know what we're doing, doofus," she replied dryly, squinting to ensure that she was cutting in a straight line. She'd never cut her hair let alone someone else's and as it happened, she was quite fond of Ray's floppy floof. She didn't want to see it ruined so she was trying her best to not mess it up, but it was hard when she and Charlotte kept swapping to take turns on the ladder.
"What?!" Ray suddenly exclaimed and raised a hand to shield his brown locks as they ceased lasering. His hair was practically sacred, one of Captain Man's best features, to cut it without some skill was sacrilege. "Why would you mess with the Man Mane if you don't know what you're doing?"
"You told us it didn't matter!" Charlotte argued, wondering why he was being so crabby too. She didn't know if the happy couple were in the middle of a domestic or what but fifteen hours of sugar and soda had not helped the man, who was getting to be strangely antsy.
"When did I say that?" Ray asked in an innocent tone, although he remembered the precise moment quite well.
"Ten minutes ago, you doofus? Remember? When we walked out of the elevator and found you guys dancing around chanting, haircut chain, haircut chain, haircut chain!" the heroine refrained from punching his shoulder, knowing that if she did, the contact might make her spontaneously combust. The coffee was still fresh on her tongue as well as the fluttering from the butterflies after seeing him again...
~
"Haircut chain! Haircut chain! Haircut chain! Haircut chain! Haircut chain! Haircut chain!" Ray, Henry and Jasper chanted as they paraded around the Man Cave, waiting for the return of the girls.
They could hear the elevator coming down and were eagerly anticipating getting them to join, so it was quite the surprise for the two friends to step into the main room and see them so excited. As painful as it was to see them still so energetic, it warmed (y/n)'s heart to see her doofus again after four hours and three iced hazelnut lattes later; maybe it was her, but his gaze seemed ravenous for a split second before his cheerful grin resumed. 
"Hey! We're gonna cut each other's hair!" Henry exclaimed, not caring if they were still holding their final takeout cups of Jet Brew. He was on his fifteenth popsicle, caring wasn't an option anymore.
"With lasers!" Jasper shrieked and (y/n) shared a look with Charlotte when his breath practically tore their faces off, Maybe leaving them unsupervised was a bad idea, but damn, they'd needed that coffee to pull through whatever this was.
"You in?!" Henry offered with a determined glint in his eyes that they didn't share. 
"I do not know how to give a haircut with a laser."
"Yeah, me neither," they told him, wanting to make sure that they were aware that if they went near their beloved styles, there could be irreversible consequences. But as always, Ray wasn't a responsible adult and when his lover turned to look at him with fleeting eyes, he ignored any warning since it put a dampener on his spirits.
"Doesn't matter!" Well, he was the one who said it. That counted as permission in their eyes, the terms and conditions that hadn't been read but regardless, they'd accepted them. 
"Then, okay..."
"I still say this is a bad idea," (y/n) muttered and took a long sip from her latte, letting its familiar milkiness take her back to her younger days. She knew that the haircuts were gonna be a disaster just from the way the chanting started up again, although this time, lasers were fired at the ceiling.
"Haircut chain! Haircut chain! Haircut chain!" the boys shouted, firing laser after laser at the rock face above their heads. Ray only stopped to kiss his sweet girl after hours of not seeing her properly but when she went to cup his face and linger, he pulled away to start dancing with his fellow gibbons. 
You'd think he'd be a little more clingy considering that he hadn't crawled into bed with her that night and had been sorely missed by his sweet girl but that would come later, once the sugar tap had been turned off. The (y/n) withdrawal symptoms would come back with full force and so would his bone-crushing hugs and need to kiss her frequently - amongst other things. 
~
"That didn't happen," Henry shook his head and peeled his eyes away from where he was lasering to look back at the girls. He was tired, sluggish and fuzzy so they didn't believe him, even if it was three against two.
"Yes, it did!"
"Who are you going to believe, Charlotte? Your own flawed memory or three guys who've been up all night playing video games and eating popsicles?" Ray asked and pursed his lips as he recalled the long night he'd just experienced. 
Truth be told, he was getting a little too old for that kind of thing and looking at the pile of popsicle sticks on the table, he knew he'd have acid reflux at some point--it was just one of those things. Getting a good night's sleep after finishing his still unfinished business with his sweet girl sounded much better, but he was way too proud to admit that. 
"Yeah, that's not a tough choice, you morons," (y/n) said with a scoff, although her point was marred slightly when she leaned forward on the ladder to press a kiss to the nape of Ray's neck. She enjoyed watching him shiver and hoped that he was reminded about what his fun night had cost, something that highly amused Charlotte as she stopped the ladder from tipping.
"Yeah, exactly. Popsicle boys!" the kid squeaked immaturely and in a move that somewhat disturbed the insulted girls, wiggled his fingers against Ray's as they made a stupid sound. The hero might've been shaking from the inrush of cold air after his lover had her lips on him but he didn't miss a beat, unlike Henry, who missed an awful lot since his focus was elsewhere.
"You might wanna look where you're lasering," Charlotte advised. She wasn't the one on a platform like (y/n) but even from her position, she had an excellent view of Henry's lack of movement, meaning she could see how he'd been going over the same spot on Jasper's head for the past three minutes. It kinda looked like a mole rat now, smooth and fully shaved, not what the boy had asked for. 
"You better look where (y/n)'s lasering!--ah!" he retorted cockily, thinking that she was simply buying into the playful banter until his gaze wandered back to his work to see that what was once a masterpiece was now ruined. 
From his ear downwards, Jasper's hair was gone; it kinda looked like a mole rat now, smooth and fully shaved, not what the boy had asked for, meaning a horrified, squeaky gasp fell from Henry's lips. 
"What was that?" Jasper asked nervously as he felt the gentle heat on his head stop and a draft brush against his skin. It didn't feel like any other haircut he'd had given how cold everything felt and it was like he could sense their stares burning into the back of his head as if something had gone wrong. 
"Uh...nothing," Henry stammered, wondering how he was gonna fix the mistake if there was no hair left to work with when Schwoz came through the secret door, minding his own business and carrying a picnic basket. 
"No, no, no, you tiny screamed," Jasper tried to bring his focus back, knowing that his friend only screeched like that when something was wrong.
"Uh, dude, it was nothing--Hey, Schwoz! Random question...do you have anything that regrows hair?"
"What?!" The boy's hand flew to the back of his head as he heard the not-so-subtle question and even he understood that Henry was trying to say that he'd screwed up the haircut chain. The genius was so conveniently in the room now and so, Henry thought that he'd have a solution since that was his expertise and helpfully, he did. 
"Don't worry, I got something," Schwoz reassured them, seeing the utter panic on Jasper's face and the guilt on Henry's, so he pulled a tube from his pocket and tossed it to the shaved kid, "this hair-growing cream works great. I've been using it on the sides and back of my head for years."
"Any instructions for this stuff?" Jasper questioned as he looked at the tube dubiously. It didn't have any legible writing on it and Schwoz was already off out somewhere, so it didn't give him the best feeling, even if Schwoz's hair (or what was left of it) was thick and luscious. 
"Oh, yeah. Lots of 'em! But I don't have time to tell you right now because I'm late for my dinner with Bigfoot," Schwoz replied and lifted the basket over his head so he could disappear up the tube and not have to worry about Jasper and his lack of hair problem. But he couldn't leave, not after dropping a bomb like that--something about Bigfoot?
"Whaaaaat?"
"Hang on..."
"Wait, stop, stop, stop!" the remaining five rambled, focusing on the genius who rolled his eyes at their confused expressions and raised the tube again. He was getting very late and didn't have time for any questions, even if they now had a million of them. 
"What?"
"Bigfoot?!" Ray repeated as he held out a hand for (y/n) to steady herself coming off the ladder. Back on solid ground, she held onto his doofus' hand as they huddled together to grill Schwoz on how he could be friends with a mythical, rampaging thing in the woods and not tell them. They must've heard him wrong, there was no way that it was the Bigfoot. 
"Like, Bigfoot Bigfoot?"
"Yah." Or not. Schwoz wasn't laughing or holding in giggles, he was being deadly serious about meeting up with the hulking creature, something that they just couldn't believe since it was so outlandish. 
"The Bigfoot?" Jasper questioned, leaving his smooth nape alone for a minute since this had piqued his interest. Bigfoot...and people thought he was strange. 
"Like, the made-up creature who lives in the woods?" (y/n) asked, wanting to clarify that they were definitely talking about the thing that supposedly scared campers and hikers. She often prided herself on being quite open-minded, she was an engineer after all, but like the others, she was thinking one thing; Schwoz had either been sniffing glue or watching too much of the conspiracy channel again. 
"He's not made up, he dated my sister," the small replied, which both shocked them and made a lot of sense at the same time. They could get over that Bigfoot existed, but Winnie getting a date? Jeez, the poor guy probably had to give her bags of carrots instead of bunches of flowers.
"Your sister dated Bigfoot?!"
"Yeah, it didn't work out between them, he wanted kids, she didn't but I always thought he was a chill hang," Schwoz shrugged, remembering all of the drama that always ensued when a couple broke up and the drama that ensued afterwards when he and Biggie remained friends. He was glad that his favourite couple would never go through that, it's why he liked living with them despite the ickiness and incidents--no chance of it ending, not ever. 
"Can we go with you?" Henry requested eagerly. It's not that he was nosy, rather, he wanted to see if Schwoz was lying or not. Anyone would jump at a chance of seeing Bigfoot in the flesh and the others had the same mindset.
"Oh, yeah!"
"Yes, yes, please?!"
"Come on!" they clapped their hands excitedly and looked at him expectantly, which put Schwoz in an awkward position. It's not like he had anything to hide but he thought it would be awkward having all of his friends clashing, after all, there were gonna be a lot of personalities clashing. 
"I don't like to mix my work friends with my wood friends--" he tried to let them down gently, ignoring their pleading eyes and hopeful grins because he felt guilty enough. It was impossible though, he truly was outnumbered.
"Oh, come on, Schwoz! Just let us come!"
"Yeah, we can all be friends together!" Charlotte and (y/n) begged together, using their best, fluttering eyelashes and doe-like eyes to win him over--and it worked. They ground Schwoz down all too easily because he wouldn't want to make them cry, now would he? That would just be cruel. 
"Fine, let's go to dinner with Bigfoot--" the handyman conceded with a sigh to the roaring cheers of his friends, who applauded, cheered and fist-pumped their success in an almost hedonistic way that undermined Schwoz's kindness. He wanted them on their best behaviour, not screaming or shouting or being weird, Bigfoot was a very sophisticated guy. "--but don't embarrass me!"
They calmed down at that and although still buzzing with excitement, the group moved to enter the elevator, Ray happily tugging (y/n) along with a spring in his step. He refused to let go of her hand because it was the only thing keeping him cool at that moment, what with the adrenaline still streaming through his blood and the prospect of meeting a literal legend wasn't helping, neither was the sudden, unexpected alarm.
"Emergency alert!" Charlotte exclaimed as everyone looked back at the computer and saw the familiar red flash of the beacon. Right, they were technically supposed to be working right now and an impromptu trip to the woods, something that would take a couple of hours just to get there, wasn't gonna stop them from continuously coming in. 
Captain Man couldn't take time off and neither could his sidekicks and Ray was aware of that, highly so; it was just a shame that he didn't care. Shielding his eyes from the others in a not-so-noticeable way, he pulled his laser controller from his pocket and fired a single shot at the beacon, burning a hole straight through the plastic, thus ending the call, at least so that they didn't have to hear or worry about it.
"Raymond!" (y/n) whined and gave him a stern look for what he'd just done. She didn't feel right leaving whichever poor soul to suffer simply because they were curious and leaving something a mess made her stressed all the more. It made her itch in a way, knowing that it would be lying and waiting to be fixed until they came back so she was ready to scold him and Ray was braced for that. Until--
"Dinner with Bigfoot!" Henry began chanting, his booming volume swallowing whatever noise came from (y/n)'s mouth. He'd known the couple long enough to sense when they were about to argue, whether it be petty or explosive, and he did his best to stop it, which worked rather well well when Jasper and Charlotte joined as Ray fleetingly kissed his sweet girl quiet and chanted too. 
"Dinner with Bigfoot!" 
"Dinner with Bigfoot!" 
"Dinner with Bigfoot!" Strange. They thought he would've kissed her for longer. What was with those too?
~Two hours later, in the woods~
A van journey later and the group were still chanting as they approached a clearing in the woods, one where Schwoz had said was his and Bigfoot's supposed meeting place. 
Despite the long, bumpy journey, one that was still palpably tense thanks to Ray, (y/n) and whatever was going on between them, the anticipation for meeting the mythical creature was still high and the teens had been poking Schwoz since the second stop light for more information. What did he eat? Normal food. Where was he from? Swellview, duh. What was his favourite colour? What kind of question was that?
It went on and on but thankfully, it meant not much attention was paid to the front of the van, where the couple had been strangely silent, uneasy and not at all handsy--the most worrying thing. Ray didn't put his hand on (y/n)'s thigh like she was hoping, the thing he always did when he drove since the pillowy flesh was just asking for his fingertips to feel it, but that night, he was worried that the call was asking for something else and he didn't want to listen to it. Not yet, anyway. 
"Dinner with Bigfoot!" 
"Dinner with Bigfoot!" 
"Dinner with Bigfoot!" The teens chanted relentlessly as they followed Schwoz through the thick foliage, walking for a few minutes to disappear into the night that had fallen during their drive over. Bigfoot was a secretive guy and preferred to not be seen by others, which was understandable, so they carried on in single-file, Schwoz first, the kids in the middle and Ray and (y/n) walking hand-in-hand to bring up the rear.
They were trailing slightly, keeping up but going at their own pace as Ray's stride was much longer than (y/n)'s and he wanted her comfort more than anything, so it was her setting the speed. It was fine, Schwoz had everything under control at the front and they were nearly there, or so he said, so the only problem Ray was experiencing was the one in front of him. The perfect view of his sweet girl's ass as she walked--all he could do was stay back and try not to stare, which was easier said than done.
"Sweet girl?" He grumbled, surprising himself with how animalistic he sounded, akin to something they might find in those very woods, so it was no wonder that (y/n) whipped around immediately, slowing down to a mere ambling pace as she faced her dark-eyed doofus to see what was wrong. 
"Yeah?" she asked, her saccharine voice full of innocence that made Ray's abs tense. He didn't know what he was gonna say at first, he just wanted to call her name but seeing her looking at him like a lamb in front of a wolf made his next actions undeniable. He let go of her hand to grasp her wrist instead and it was damn lucky that the gasp she released when he roughly pressed her against the nearest tree wasn't heard by the others.
Henry, Charlotte and Jasper carried on merrily, not noticing that there were two missing members in their party as Ray pinned his precious girl against the scraping bark and kept her hands clasped together and above her head. 
In the moonlight, she looked so ravishing as his eyes raked down her quivering body and he could see the questioning look in her eye, a part of her wondering why he was picking his moment now. However, he could also see how she wasn't all that innocent either, pupils dilating the minute one hand went from her waist to brush between her thighs, touching nothing but the soft skin there. 
There she was, his girl, his darling lover, his future wife, waiting for his next move, panting lightly in the darkness as they were left behind and he knew that he'd been a fool to leave her for a few popsicles and to play Mario Kart, he'd been a fool for thinking he could last a whole day without her. 
"Doofus, what--"
"The second we are alone again, little girl..." he whispered in her ear, one hand cradling her jaw as the other stayed with hers against the tree. It was his promise to her and it could be left unspoken, she didn't need an explanation. They were pushing their luck as it was, staying behind as the others marched on and as tempting as it was to throw caution to the wind and feel those thighs around his waist because lord knows that he did not give a fuck, she did. 
Jasper's earlier faux pas was but a forewarning in her mind and it would not happen again, not two nights in a row, so as quick as her back had met with the harsh bark, he pulled away, taking one hand with him. 
The dazzling rush of it all had her stumbling to catch up with his long legs as he marched towards the clearing, following the voices before they were missed or he changed his mind and she had no choice but to jog behind her doofus. Her hot, moody, incredibly well-endowed doofus. 
Avoiding a tree root and a mysterious puddle of green mush, the couple made it to the back of the group again, not that anyone had noticed their slight delay. The only noticeable thing was how their breathing had quickened from the rush, although in (y/n)'s case it was something else. Paired with her red cheeks, it was kinda obvious, but the shadows hid it well and so did hiding behind Ray's shoulder. 
"Hey! That hair-growing cream worked great."
"Yeah, it looks gooooood, dude," Henry complimented Jasper when Charlotte noticed that unlike two hours previously, Jasper's hair was completely back to normal. You'd never guess that he'd had the majority of it lasered off and he was quite happy with the results of Schwoz's cream, save for one little thing. 
"Oh, nice...this worries me a little," he smiled but it was nervous and they knew why when he raised his hands to show them that not only did the cream work on scalps, it also worked on fingers and palms. Baby hairs had begun to sprout from his flesh and he was getting quite furry, which was disturbing. Really disturbing. 
"You have to wear a glove when you apply it. That's part of the instructions!" Schwoz exclaimed as the others grimaced, (y/n) burying her nose into the jacket she'd stolen from Ray.
Being the silly-billy she was, she'd only realised how cold it was out until they were well past the city's border and in the sticks, so her ever-adoring fiancé had swooped in and bundled her up in one of his huge jackets that had been slung on the backseat of the Man Van. It was huge, enough to keep her warm even in a dress and it was only made better by his cologne following her around. 
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"You didn't tell me any instructions," Jasper argued as he coped with his hairy hands. He'd just assumed that the cream worked on heads, not skin in general, which was kinda bad since he'd been touching his head, face, ears and other places since using it. 
"Okay, step one--don't itch your ears!" Schwoz said when he saw the boy rubbing and searching his earholes. That would only mean more cream transfer, even if it was a little late to be giving out advice. 
"Soooo...Schwoz, where's Bigfoot?" Henry asked as Jasper stomped off to try and deal with his new hair problem. This was the meeting place but no one could see any imaginary animals or beings, meaning the kid was starting to doubt if this guy was real or not and whether Schwoz had pulled the best prank of all time. 
"Yeah, man. We've been walking around for four whole minutes. I'm starting to think you don't really know Bigfoot," Ray added, his hands shoved deep into his pockets and his sweet girl huddled to his side to try and keep the cold away. He wasn't the world's most patient man but four minutes traipsing around some bushes at night wasn't his idea of fun and he was waiting on a promise for what was. 
"Relax, let me just call him--" Schwoz told him gently and the man went back to trying to keep (y/n) warm. He knew that dress was both angelic and evil, but at least he could put his arm around her, which was good for when Schwoz ignored his phoned and abruptly summoned his friend. "BIGFOOOOOOOOT!!!"
"He's on his way," he told them, not thinking a thing of his sudden, echoing voice in the dead of night nor how he just spooked the heebie-jeebies out of them. Biggie wasn't much of a phone guy anyway. 
"If you were just gonna scream his name, then why'd you pull out your phone?" (y/n) asked as she snuggled into the cosy fuzziness of Ray's jacket. She'd seen the genius take his phone from his pocket when she was ogling her lover, which is why his bellowing had been so unexpected. 
"So I could get a picture of you guys when Bigfoot shows up," Schwoz replied in a tender voice but he had that mischievous glint in his eye like he had something up his sleeve. His phone was pointing at them and open on the camera app, so he was ready to capture their shocked, terrified expressions whenever he needed a good laugh, not that they knew that. 
"You mean if he shows up," Henry scoffed sceptically, shoulder-to-shoulder with his friends as they waited, "we've been here for five whole minutes now. I'm starting to think you don't actually know hi--"
Henry never got to finish his mini-rant. As he rambled on at the smirking genius, a big, hairy lump dropped from the overhanging willows to land in front of them, bellowing a ferocious roar. The sight of this snarling furball caused the teens and couple to shriek in terror, a moment that Schwoz swiftly captured on his phone as (y/n) practically leapt on Ray, who had his jacket clutched by Henry, flanked by Jasper cowering behind Charlotte.
But the howl eventually petered out and the beast put its arms down in a friendly slouch, meaning the group eventually stopped screaming too. Bigfoot just stood there and he wasn't quite what they were expecting as hands let go of jackets and men put down their sweet girls; he was tall and hairy with thick, sharp nails, that was a given, but apart from that, he was normal.
Well, nearly normal--he was placid with an easy-going stance, nothing like the monster some people often described him as. 
"You guys, Bigfoot is real!" Henry exclaimed as they all stood there, in awe of the living legend in front of them, who wasn't a mutant or animal like on the TV, he was just a normal guy with a lot of hair. 
"Real handsome!" Bigfoot quipped, putting them all at ease with his small joke. If he was comfortable with himself then they had no reason to fear him, especially when he laughed in that resonating baritone of his. "It's nice to meet you..."
"So...uh, this is Hen--" Schwoz started to introduce everyone, not wanting things to be awkward since he didn't have many friends and he didn't want to lose any, but Bigfoot beat him to the chase. 
"Oh, I know this guy. Henry Hart AKA Kid Danger? Feels gooooood!" The hairy man chuckled, much to Henry's excitement. 
"Bigfoot knows my thing!" The ecstatic kid hissed to the others. He thought it was wild that Bigfoot of all people knew who he was and had intimate knowledge of his personality, even his secret identity. He didn't seem to be the kinda guy to leak stuff like that, after all, Schwoz was smart enough to not be all pally with grasses, so no one worried. 
"'Course I do. Scheoz talks about you guys all the time," he revealed, making the small man blush since no one knew about his pride from working the Man Cave. 
"What?" Jasper tilted his head, stunned that Schwoz could be so sneaky and that Bigfoot knew about their crazy gang. 
"Yeah. You must be Charlotte," Bigfoot nodded, turning to the girl whose cheeks heated up when he started being all charming, "Schwoz tells me you're even smarter than he is."
"Whaaaaaat?... It's true, though," she grinned, blushing from the sentiment of Schwoz hyping her up to his other friends but it was the truth. The Man Cave would be lost without her skill with the computer and general sensibility, so it was nice to know that it was noted and appreciated.
"Oh--Jasper!"
"Yeah!" The boy nodded with a smile as Bigfoot moved on, looking at him next and punching out at him lightly in playful banter. Honestly, this guy was so cool and Jasper liked that he had also been included when he did the least out of the three teens.
"J-Dowg!"
"B-Foot!" They bantered and bumped fists as Schwoz kept snapping pictures, wanting to remember every moment of his friends becoming friends. Maybe they'd be able to hang out together as a gang and he'd be surrounded by everyone he loved--maybe a tad premature but a nice thought as they all got along so well.
"How's that girl with all the allergies?" Bigfoot asked, referring to Patina, the one Jasper took to Cactus Con and accidentally plunged into an anaphylactic fit. 
Ouch, a touchy subject in more ways than one so no one ever mentioned what had happened with her, not that Jasper ever let it bother him. 
"Oh yeah, she ghosted me! I keep texting her but she never responds!" He shrugged, tugging at (y/n)'s heartstrings as he smiled with the others but she remembered those weeks all too well. Jasper sat on the couch, texting and texting, waiting for an answer that never came until he had no choice but to move on with a sad acknowledgement for a romance that had gone so far only to be left to die. She never liked that girl. 
Speaking of moving on...
"Oh, and well, I know who this beauty is! (y/n), the sweetest girl in the world as Schwoz put it! Lovely to meet you, I know all about your engineering and how you keep the place running--oh, and of course, Miss Danger! How could I forget?" (y/n) was practically a tomato as Bigfoot moved on and grinned at her next. 
He extended his hand and she thought he was going for a handshake when he warmly pulled her in for a hug, a very soft hug as his woolly body helped her forget about the cold as he gushed about her many talents and the way the Man Cave would crash and burn without her expertise. Pulling away, her face was beaming as they crowded around Schwoz with the other three to look at the pictures and that only left Ray on the outside. 
The man loudly cleared his throat as they cooed over the funny and heartwarming photos, looking up to see him still standing there. Right, the main man as it were, the boss, the head honcho, they couldn't forget him, after all, he'd never let them. 
"And, uh, last but certainly not least..." Ray grinned, awkwardly turning to Bigfoot who removed his arm from his darling girl's shoulders and looked at him--with a blank stare like what you'd give if you were giving a stranger. Oh, lord.
"Hey..." Biggie greeted slowly, which didn't fill the hero with confidence but still, he smiled back, encouraged by (y/n), who was edged closer to them as much as she could without passing the furball, "there he is..."
"There I am!"
"This guy!" They interacted with a definite tension that made the teens frown because it was so weird that Bigfoot had been so welcoming and friendly with them, knowing specific details about their lives and personalities, only for him to have no idea who Ray was. 
"You must be, uh... Henry's dad?" The hairy man suggested, trying to find a possible identity for the mystery man that his friend had never described, but it only served to insult Ray. That was nowhere near accurate and kinda insulting since he thought he looked too young to be any teenager's dad. Come on, he wasn't even married yet. 
"Henry's dad? Are you--are you kidding me?"
"Are you...uh, Jasper's dad?" he moved on, a hint of desperation as (y/n) facepalmed in the background, itching to get to her doofus' side before his emotions started leaking but she knew how it would look if she was constantly clinging to his side. So, no matter how badly this was going, she stood still and hoped that Ray didn't do anything stupid after being called the weird kid's father. 
"Uh, I'm-I'm Ray AKA Captain Man AKA (y/n)'s fiancée!" the hero said, hoping that a few of his basic titles would spark some recognition in the legend's mind. 
Bigfoot looked genuinely surprised to hear about another superhero living with Schwoz since he didn't have a TV and never ventured into the city; he had to learn stuff by ear and when he looked back at the mention of the sweet girl, he saw her raise her left hand and point to the ring that sparkled in the starlight. Well, that confirmed it, weird how he never knew. 
"Oh, Schwoz never mentioned you! Are you new to the Schwoz Cave?" He asked politely, seeing nothing wrong with his question, so he didn't understand why the man's face erupted into anger as the woman and kids released shocked giggles behind him. Oh, that little fibre, what had he been saying?
"The Schwoz Cave?!" Ray snapped and his furious gaze landed on Schwoz, who smirked bashfully and adverted everyone's gaze. He was ashamed but also unapologetic because he loved the idea of being a superhero and messing with Ray's head, even if it was a tangled web of lies that he was now stuck in. 
"Listen, listen--" Bigfoot put a furry hand on Ray's chest to keep him from tackling Schwoz and instead, diverted their attention before things got out of hand, "I found this great campsite just past the creek. Let's all go down there and have dinner to get to know each other better.
"Yeah."
"All right, let's go," the teens nodded enthusiastically at the sound of food and a pretty area to sit, so they quickly followed after their host, who knew the way like the back of his paw--hand. Schwoz was right behind them, giggling mischievously to himself as he passed Ray, who stood like a statue with a stony expression engraved on his face. He was visibly livid from being unmentioned and the shoulder pats that the kids gave him only soured the mood. 
"That's a tough one, daddy," Henry commented jokingly as he walked past, not knowing that it was possibly the worst thing he could've said to the man, who'd been waiting all day and all night for that kind of talk. He was damn near breaking point and (y/n) knew that as she was the last to move. 
"Come on, sweetheart. Let's go eat," she whispered, stepping in front of him and smiling in the face of his grim expression. She gently reached for his hand, which unclenched when her fingers slid over his to let her in and without hesitation, Ray allowed her to grasp it. Sighing when she stroked his cheek, he allowed her to tug him towards the campsite, his heart unwilling to watch her walk away despite how sluggish his plodding feet were. 
They might have liked Bigfoot but he wasn't so keen and neither was he impressed with that good-for-nothing, low-down, double-crossing sneak, Schwoz. He'd be having words with him but for now, he was willing to indulge in one thing - his sweet girl. If the hairball didn't know who he was now, he surely would by the end of the night if it was the last thing he did. 
Her fiancé, her lover, her doofus. Always. 
Up ahead, they could hear a slight commotion since they were going quite slowly, anything so Ray could sulk in peace a little longer and cheer himself up with a little butt-staring. No doubt the amazing Bigfoot was doing something amazing with his amazing dinner because he was amazing. 
"Let's eat!"
Yeah, right, he could've done that but to avoid a scene, Ray stayed silent and kicked at the dirt as they came to another, smaller clearing, complete with rocks and stumps for rudimentary stools, a pre-lit campfire and some coolers left by the campers he scared away, one of whom Henry could swear looked like Mitch Bilsky but as he looked at the cosy spot, he couldn't find it in himself to care. 
Soon, they were huddled around the fire, Charlotte sat with Bigfoot on a fallen tree trunk, Henry with Schwoz, Jasper on his own, and then, Ray on a rock with (y/n) perched happily on his knee. Their new friend had raised his eyebrows at that, thinking they were very open about being so touchy and...kissy but the others assured him that it was normal and separating them would only lead to trouble now that the man was calmly nuzzling into her neck and hair. 
So, soon, the snacks were handed out and the stories started. Bigfoot lead them since he was the fascinating one and even Ray was able to tame his jealousy and listen as he nibbled a hotdog, offering it to his lover occasionally, another thing that they assured the legend was normal for them. 
"Sometimes, I just want to sneak into town to get that good salsa but people would see me and they'd either want a selfie or they'd try and kill me," Bigfoot sighed as everyone listened intently to how hard it was being so famous yet hated. Sure, he was legendary but most would kill to be the ones to capture Bigfoot or put the real-life Bigfoot in a zoo, and that was just horrible considering that he was such a sweet man. 
"And I hear that!" Ray piped up as (y/n) bit into their hotdog and he tightened the arm around her waist. He wasn't hated but he knew the price of popularity and it was nice to see him finally making friends, even if it was slightly self-centred, "I can't go anywhere without getting mobbed."
"Appreciate your sympathy, Ron," the behemoth gave him a polite smile and he was gracious enough to not mention the way they were snuggling like they were the only ones in the forest. All Bigfoot concentrated on was his story and the way Charlotte was braiding his fur, which was a shame because his blatant forgetting of Ray's name touched a sore spot for the egocentric man.
"Ray. It's...it's Ray," he corrected with a smile that was akin to a snarl If it wasn't for his sweet girl playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, he would've pounced and taken the hairy buffoon on himself. Was he that forgettable or had Scwhoz properly swindled him for once?
"Oh, I'm so sorry--Captain Ray!" Bigfoot was trying his best; this guy was quite techy about his image and he didn't fancy fighting with Schwoz's other friends, not when they could so easily blow his clandestine existence. However, even his best wasn't enough and Ray gritted his teeth at yet another mistake.
"No, it's Captain Man. My name is Ray," the hero laughed awkwardly and mockingly, earning himself a few hard stares as he took everything too personally, "and I just think it's hilarious that this guy has no idea who I am!" 
Everything got out of hand quite quickly and (y/n) whined indignantly when her doofus stood up abruptly, tipping her off his lap so she had to scramble to stay on her feet as he started throwing a rather embarrassing tantrum. Honestly, it was like caring for a six-year-old.
"Doofus! Ray--Raymond! Oh god, I am so sorry about him..." she had to say, giving Biggie an apologetic look and nervous smile as her lover began kicking at the dirt, complaining about anything and everything. She was used to his emotional outbursts but that didn't make them any less humiliating when their new friend looked so perplexed and almost sympathetic to her situation. God, the shame--he was thirty-seven for god's sake.
"And there's no dijon mustard for this hotdog!'
"Hey! Just chill, okay? Just relax!--" Schwoz and the teens were staring at the earth as (y/n) flattened her palm against Ray's chest and began pushing him away after he threw the half-eaten Weiner and bun to the ground. Sure, it had been a little bland and boring but it was nice for a minimalistic picnic and they'd share anything honestly, mustard or no mustard.
"Said it was a great campsite, doesn't seem so great to me! His words, not mine!" Ray growled above her incessant pleas to calm down and she started using her body to push him back quicker when he pointed straight at Bigfoot--a highly rude gesture. Such a child...
"Calm down! Just calm the hell down!"
"Ray? Ray?!" Charlotte shouted as she came over to see if she could get through to him too since the awkwardness was killing her. She joined (y/n) in begging for him to button it and folded her arms as he spat her calming words back in her face; seriously, if (y/n) was struggling to calm him down, her, his beloved fiancée, what hope did she have?
"I'm the problem, sweet girl? I'm embarrassing?! I'm embarrassing?!"
"Yes, yes, you are! You're embarrassing when you act like a child, Raymond, getting angry when things don't go your way and it's deeply humiliating!" the woman scolded, staring him down--or as down as she could get since she was so much shorter than him--as a teacher would to a rebellious student. He seemed to sober up at that, recoiling when she gave him the reality check that he was upsetting her, the kids, and everyone and that wasn't fair.
"I'm embarrassing?" he asked again and she cleared her throat when his eyes softened from the hardened glare they'd held seconds before. He never wanted to humiliate her, god knows that he only ever wanted to be proud of having him by her side and it was only because of stupid Bigfoot that he'd lost his cool. Or...maybe it was him, maybe he needed to think things through.
"Yes, Ray, so you know what? You need to calm down, so we're going to go into the forest and we're gonna take a lap," (y/n) told him firmly and took up his hand so she could march him out of the clearing before there was a punch up. Did other girls have to do this with their fiancés?
"I don't wanna take a lap!" he replied petulantly and tried to pull his hand away from his sweet girl in defiance. In his normal state of mind, he'd never do that but children often cut their noses off to spite their faces when being told off--he was no different when he was like this.
"You need to take a lap, Ray," Henry piped up this time, having stood up to come and join Charlotte in assisting the woman, even if their opinions meant very little. Still, he figured that if his boss heard it from enough people, he'd eventually stomp off with (y/n) in tow and she'd ensure that he was fully calm before coming back to their rustic yet sophisticated hangout.
"I don't need a lap! It's not my lap time!" Ray snapped at the kid, thinking he was getting them all to back off when really, he was making it worse. Did he not realise how childish he sounded? All the man wanted to do was enjoy a quiet evening with his girl and feel her squirm against him when he breathed hot air down her neck, but no. That walking carpet was ruining everything.
"If you want to act like a child, then I will treat you like one, Raymond. Come with me!" (y/n) tried to shove him again but his bulk wouldn't budge, not until someone else joined the cacophony.
"Uh, I wouldn't take a lap. It's pretty dangerous out there!" The same walking carpet said, again trying to be helpful but again failing miserably. Whilst he knew the woods like the back of his hairy hand, they didn't and he'd hated to see them step in something dangerous but to Ray, that sounded like a challenge. If Bigfoot could do it, he could do it better.
"Oh, okay! We're taking a lap!" the hero scoffed, suddenly changing his tune, much to the group's frustration. Without another word, Ray seized (y/n)'s hand and dragged her off in the direction that they'd come, grumbling as he went. She was tripping over her feet at his insane pace and all she could manage was a quick wave to the others before they'd rounded the corner and disappeared into the shrubbery.
*WEE-WOO, WEE-WOO. SMUT IMPENDING AGAIN. I PROMISE IT FINISHES AFTER THIS THOUGH. LET'S GOOOOOOO!*
"Ray! Ray! Slow down! I said a lap, not a sprint!" she gasped as he retraced their faint steps that had been trodden into the dirt, looking for one spot in particular since it would be far enough from the camp but not too dangerous for them to be caught unawares. He tried to ease up when she stumbled on a jagged rock emerging from the soil but he didn't stop, merely squeezed her hand even more to keep her following.
"Raymond! Will you just--what is with you tonight?" the heroine asked again, slightly breathless from how much ground they'd covered in such a short space of time. Trees had passed and bushes and a sign saying hunters would be prosecuted--and a sign after that said prosecutors would be hunted if they didn't keep their noses out. It felt like they'd trekked the entirety of the woods when he finally stopped, abruptly and without warning, and with no inclination that he was going to answer her question.
Like lightning, Ray pushed her against the tree for the second time that night and their surroundings once again became familiar to (y/n) as she felt the same scraping against the soft skin of her back. He'd taken her up the path to the old clearing, the one where the moon lit the path to keep the monsters away--and hopefully any snoopers too. 
She'd been hunted again, only this time, Ray intended to go through with the kill.
"I'll tell you what's with me, sweet thing," he growled and instantly had his face buried into her neck so he could nip a line down her jugular, tearing gasps and weak moans from the back of her throat, "I've done nothing but think about your pussy since last night and I need it, darlin'. Need you so bad."
Truth be told, a smile tugged at her lips when his typical, domineering snarl turned into a whining beg. He was pawing at whatever he could get his hands on; her soft neck, tits through her dress, hands brushing back the jacket to hold her waist before slipping down to knead at her ass. Most would say that he was pathetic, desperately trying to tempt her into joining him in the open, in a public place, where anyone could stumble across something.
"Whose fault is that then?" (y/n) teased, jaw dropping open when his teeth bit down on her collarbone, causing her to yank hard on his hair when her hands snaked to run her fingers through it. His lips were so distracting but through the lips of them and his wandering touch lighting fire on her skin, she could feel him against her hip, hard and throbbing, begging to be released after losing out so critically before. 
Now, it was her chance to wind him up tight like a spring and watch him squirm because that's what she'd had to do the night he left her for popsicles and buffoonery. He could've had her, could've pushed right in, god knows she'd let him, she was soaking through her panties just at the memory and yet, he'd left himself to suffer. 
Pushing the skirt of her dress up, Ray immediately grasped at her thighs and tried to widen them, hoping to get a glimpse of the delight that was waiting for him, even if he knew he didn't deserve it, not when he'd played such a cruel game. The desperation was clawing at his insides, cock begging him to fuck her soon before he exploded and so, as much as his instincts told him to have his sweet girl spread out like a feast for him and chastise her for teasing her Captain, he swallowed his pride.
"Please--please--please," he whispered over and over against her neck as he rutted his hips into her. With any luck, she'd feel what she was doing to him, how crazy the thought of her had made him over the last god knows how many hours, how he couldn't wait to fuck her tight cunt any longer. 
The drive over had been hell; anytime he looked over, she was there looking like an angel and he could swear that she'd been widening her legs just to tease him when he rested his hand on her thigh. Little minx... But what could he do? He did his best to find her sweet spots, licking and sucking at the spot below her ear and trailing his fingers closer to her core until she was trembling between him and the tree, that's when she spoke.
"What do you want, doofus?" she murmured, tilting her head back so he'd have more access. Moving down from her ear, he headed for the top of her tits, nipping as he went before he grabbed at them roughly. God, he wished they were back home or that he'd done this sooner, then he could take one into his mouth, he knew how perfect those nipples were for biting and sucking, but out here, he wasn't willing to expose more than he had to.
What did he want? A few things. He wanted her naked, on their bed in the warmth so he could get on his knees and pray for forgiveness before worshipping her like he should've done before. He wanted to hear her every sound above the rustle of the leaves. He wanted to peel her panties down her legs and fuck her hard and strong so he didn't rip someone's head off. He wanted her, he wanted her so much.
"You, sweet girl. I want you so bad--since last night," he panted, grinning against her skin when he found her clit through the soaked material under her dress and rubbed his thumb against it in tight circles. She lurched forward with a cry, bucking her hips towards him as best she could with only the tree for leverage and it reminded her that he wasn't the only one who'd been simmering since last night.
The drive over had been hell; anytime she looked over, he was there, looking like a god as one hand guided the wheel and the other stayed with her like always. She could swear that he'd crept his hand closer to her core with every passing streetlight, just to drive her insane.
"Then fuck me, you idiot," she smirked and palmed at him through his jeans, feeling how huge he was even through the denim and no sooner than the words left her mouth, they pulled apart to weakly shove any clothing out of the way. 
Her thumbs hooked the elastic of her underwear and she pulled them down her legs as their eyes stayed locked, his darkening when she slipped them past her ankles and awkwardly over her shoes. It was never like this in the movies, they made it seem so smooth but she got there eventually and pressed them into his hand, earning herself a groan when he felt the damp cotton. 
Tucking them into his back pocket, Ray lifted his sweater slightly, revealing a peek of his Adonis belt as she knelt to pop the button on his jeans and slowly bring down the zipper. He watched with hooded eyes as she gingerly reached into his briefs and pulled him free, licking her lips at the prize that lay in front of her. 
She leaned forward, ignoring how the bitter air was making her core clench when it met her bare pussy and how stones were digging into her knees as she braced against the ground but it was worth it. Dipping her tongue out, she kitten-licked at his tip before allowing the flared head to break her lips open, taking him in one, two, three times with slow bobs of her head that had him throwing his back to howl at the sky. 
It was indulgent, he knew that; her pace was tortuous and he longed to hold her face still and fuck her pretty throat but relented when she looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes that were spoiled only by his cock inflating her cheeks.
"You always look so hot with my cock in your mouth, sweet girl," he groaned and placed a hand on the back of her head to guide her movements. (y/n) moaned at the salty taste of him, loving how pliant he was in her hands, so much power and strength being controlled by her movements--it was intoxicating but not what she sorely wanted.
With one final swipe of her tongue around his length, she pulled back, leaving them connected with nothing more than a string of saliva as she gazed up at him with cherry-red, sickened lips and doe-like eyes before asking, "will you fuck me now, sir?"
"Fuck, baby--" Ray groaned at her naive tone, admiring how small her hand looked when giving his cock a few tugs. Leaving her hair, his hand slipped under her arm and he pulled her to her feet, growling when she giggled at his eagerness. Her amusement didn't last long; pushing her against the tree once more, Ray gripped the backs of her thighs and snarled "jump" against her throat, picking her up effortlessly when she lamely tried to follow his orders.
He secured her legs around her waist and used the tree as leverage, thankful that in their horniness, he'd picked one that had grown at a slight angle so things were easier. His raw strength made her tremble as she clung to his shoulders, where his muscles felt softer through the fuzzy fabric of her sweater but she knew the power that was hidden beneath and could feel it from how he lifted her so easily. 
Rutting his hips forward, they moaned in tandem as his cock slotted against her slit and steadily rocked through her slick, brushing against her clit with every move. Her mouth was pressed against his ear so he could hear every noise she made and his grip turned to steel when he caught on her entrance, prodding so he could feel her clench but not going any further.
"Can I fuck you, sweet girl? Can I fuck you here where anyone can see what's mine?" Ray asked into her hair, sliding his head through her lips to rile his lover up even more. His abs tensed at the thought of someone stumbling across them, a lone hiker or maybe even Bigfoot himself as he came to investigate their disappearance. 
He'd never let them see anything, her pleasure-screwed face and soaked pussy were for his eyes only but a small, sadistic part of him hoped that their new "friend" caught a glimpse of him with his pants shoved down and his sweet girl wrapped in his embrace as he pumped into her. 
That would stick in his head--maybe he'd remember who he was then. The man who was entirely devoted to the sweetest girl on Earth. The man who knew that sweetness better that anyone else.
"Shit--yes, please. Fuck me, I don't care if someone sees--" (y/n) pleaded, going half-insane from the contrast of the jagged bark on her back and the soft swipes of his cock. Ray didn't need telling twice and as her cries painted a smirk on his face, he pushed forward, staring between her legs as he began to disappear inch by inch. The woman threw her head back, not caring when it thunked against the tree, all that mattered was her fucking hot fiancé and his cock that stretched her walls for miles and miles. 
He had the perfect view; her dress was bunched up around her waist and with the moon and stars to guide him, he could see how drenched she was in the dim light and how her pussy sucked him, welcoming him home. She was certain that some of her wetness had been there since the previous night, had not ceased gathering even when he left her alone with a glass of wine to nurse and nothing more and it only made it easier for him to bury himself to the hilt.
For a moment, he gave her a chance to adjust to his sheer size or maybe it was his way of masking how he was the one who needed a minute. Her walls were so damn tight around him and velvety soft, making searing white heat crawl up his spine until he got a grip on himself and started to rock into her.
"So dirty but you like it, don't you? You like having your little pussy filled in the middle of the woods," Ray said cockily, punching out each word in synch with a thrust of his hips, drawing moan after whimper from her mouth--and he sure as hell felt the way she tightened at the reminder of their surroundings. "Oh, you do, don't you? Like knowing that anyone could see you like this for me--see how you scream my name when I--"
"Fuck, Ray!" she cried when he snapped his hips into her at a different angle and hit a spot that made her see stars. Smirking when he saw the way it made jelly of her muscles, he began pummeling that spot, hearing nothing but the blood rushing through his ears and the slapslapslap of his balls against her thighs. Her squeaks and begging were music to his ears and he got lost in his sweet girl, nothing else existed apart from her, him and her tight heat as it ruined his cock.
"N-not gonna last long, darlin, not after last night--" he stuttered, feeling how tight his balls were and how they were begging to pump her full of cum before he exploded. He'd denied himself earlier and it had left him half-crazed, his body drying out for its soulmate so they could be one at last and he was finally succumbing to the call, succumbing to the sweet pull of her pussy and how it was waiting for him.
(y/n) whined something incoherent, too lost in the pleasure rippling through her body from the epicentre in her core. Steadily, she lowered one hand from his shoulders and dropped it to her clit to begin rubbing it in rough circles, her fingers slipping across soaked flesh. It was the push she needed to hurtle her towards the edge and she felt the familiar burn beginning to set in, one that began to blaze when Ray's lips brushed against hers and he captured her gaze.
"That's it, pretty girl. Rub this pussy for me, get it all nice and ready for my cum. Can you do that for me?" he asked in a teasing, condescending tone that had her nodding obediently. His thrusts increased as she doubled down on her clit, giving it light slaps like she knew he would if they were in a more comfortable setting. 
Ray's eyes followed her movements and a gasp got stuck in his throat when he saw how the diamonds in the ring he gave her sparkled with every circle. Fuck, if that didn't make him go faster then nothing would and it wasn't long before he felt the fire return to lick up his spine. Her cunt, her moans, her tight grip on his hair, the sight of his fiancée fucking himself whilst he fucked her was enough to drag him to the edge and her with him when his thrusts faltered.
"Come with me, doofus. Fill me up before we go back," (y/n) whispered before biting his earlobe to smother her loudest moan of the night when he came with a groan, triggering her own end. Ropes of pearly cum flooded her heat as he pressed her against the tree and her orgasm stretched thin when the scraping pain mixed with the bliss. Ray whined and buried his face into her neck, staying as close to her as possible as he filled her up with his most intimate claim.
The heroine sighed at the serenity and rested her forehead against his shoulder as their breathing slowed down. He stayed inside of her for a while, unwilling to remove himself from her warmth when the air around them was so chill and he was more interested in kissing up her neck and running his thumbs across her ass as held her aloft still. 
But, eventually, the chilliness of the air caught up with them and upon feeling his sweet girl shudder and snuggle into him more, Ray realised that her jacket had slipped down her arms when he was pounding into her. Not to mention the fact that she was still wearing that sorry excuse for a dress with her legs facing the elements. 
So, he planted one final kiss on her pulse point and peeled her from the tree, hearing her whimper slightly as her scratched skin smoothed over and his cock jostled against her walls. He pulled out slowly, groaning when he felt his release begin to leak now that she wasn't plugged up. 
"I've got you, sweetheart," the hero told her gently, setting her back down on shaky legs and ensuring that she didn't tumble to the forest floor. "You okay?"
"More than okay, doof. You feelin' better?" (y/n) asked with a breathy laugh. Her tummy fluttered when she felt his cum begin to ooze out of her and whilst she hated to lose it, knowing that it was there was near perfection.
"Much better but there is one thing that I need to do."
"Oh, yeah? What's that?" she asked perplexed, wondering what could be so important as he tucked himself away and tugged up his zipper with a shiver. It all became clear when he smirked her way and felt into his back pocket and brought out her panties, the ones he'd tucked away for safekeeping before having his way with her. 
"Would you mind, sweet girl?" He held them open and with a giggle, (y/n) stepped into them as clumsily as she had taken them off, struggling to get her sneakers through the holes until he shimmied them up her legs. Carefully, Ray pulled them over her ass so none of his precious spend could be lost and he playfully squeezed her cheek before fixing her dress to check that she didn't walk anywhere with her butt showing.
"Does this mean I have to walk around with your cum in my underwear?" she questioned, leaning up to caress his lips with hers in a slow dance.
"Of course," Ray grinned, thoroughly in love with the idea that they had a dirty secret between them that no one would ever know but them. Perhaps he was being childish again but the thought of having one up of Bigfoot, having her as his lover since, in his eyes, any man would kill to be with her, made him gloat and preen. Speaking of the hairball...
"We should probably get back..." (y/n) mentioned and pulled his jacket across her body tighter to try and conserve some warmth. The campfire was sounding pretty nice round about now and even better if her doofus would be there to calmly snuggle with her, besides, the others were probably beginning to wonder how long one lap could take.
"You go on ahead, precious girl. I just wanna take a look at something before I go back, I won't be minute," the hero told her gently and gestured to some bushes in the direction they'd come from. 
"Okay, doofus. Don't stay out here too long. I'd hate for something to happen to you," she smiled and pecked his cheek, giving one final warning for him not to be a hero when he wasn't in uniform. Ray chuckled at that and gave her ass a small smack as she walked away, laughing when she sent him a bright-eyed glare over her shoulder. 
God, he hated watching her walk away but at least he could admire her with a longing gaze. Now, about that shiny thing he'd spotted...where was it?
*AND BREAK SCENE. THE SPICY MEATBALL IS OVER MY GUYS. THANK YOU FOR COMING, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELVES, THIS IS SADLY ALL WE HAVE SPACE FOR SO, MIS INOCENTES, WELCOME BACK*
Even in the darkness, on her own and slightly intimidated by the possible Oogie-boogies lurking in the bushes, (y/n) steadily made it back to the camp. A slight left turn, straight on, past the bush that looked like Shirley Bassey and then a right to the small circle of rocks and stumps that seated her friends. 
Just act normal, tell a small white lie and don't blush--whatever you do, don't blush!
"Hey, guys!" she smiled at them as she skipped back to her and Ray's rock and plonked down on it. In her mind, nothing was out of the ordinary and she'd already thought of her story, the one she'd slightly altered to a more suitable narrative. All they needed to do was buy it.
"Hey!"
"What took you so long?"
"Where's Ray?" The teens asked as Schwoz and Bigfoot mumbled and smiled their greetings. The woman laughed nervously at the influx of questions, some of which were easier to answer than others. At least they looked happy and ignorant, that at least meant their "lap" had been far enough away for any noises to dissipate.
"Oh, you know what Ray's like, such a drama queen. He needed a bit more time to cool off so I left him to wander for a bit while I get the feeling back in my fingers," she explained quickly and thank god, it checked out. Whether it be from her steady tone or her pleasant face, the teens nodded knowingly since that did sound like their boss and (y/n) had looked cold all night in that frock of hers.
"I just hope he's okay out there. It's pretty spooky."
"And dangerous!" Bigfoot added, watching the nice lady as she warmed her hands with the fire, flexing her fingers so that the heat seeped into them. Huh, it hadn't seemed that dangerous to her, scary once you were off the beaten track since you couldn't see the hidden roots and rocks as you were walking but apart from that, the woods weren't that bad.
"Why'd you say it was so dangerous out here?" Jasper asked, flexing his fingers too, although it wasn't from a lack of warmth, more like the hair of his palms growing disturbingly long to the point where his skin felt like it was right next to the glowing embers.
"There's this hunter--S. Thompson. He's been setting traps for me all over the woods," Biggie replied and no one liked the sound of that. Not only did the idea of their new friend being caged like an animal make them feel awful, but they also didn't feel safe anymore knowing that there were claws and contraptions hidden under leaves and branches. 
And of course, their favourite idiot was out and about in it, hunting down the treasures he'd seen out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey!" Ray suddenly shouted and poked his head above the flora to show that his hunt had led him back to their vicinity...and the allure of his sweet girl too. "I found some pork chops just lying here on the ground!"
"No, no, don't--" The gentle giant tried to warn him off touching the pork chops but it was too late. 
"G'ahhhhh, it was a trap!" Ray yelped in agony as a metal claw tanged and ensnared his arm with diabolic teeth. Luckily, he was the indestructible Captain Man, so there was no medical emergency, just the wailing of a lost lonely creature who should've followed its mate instead of sticking its nose where it didn't belong. "Monkey fungus, this hurts!"
"Oh my god..."
"You all right, dude? (y/n)'s worried!" Henry called to him and held a calming hand out to (y/n) to tell her that Ray was a big boy, she didn't need to run off to mollycoddle him. She was protective, he knew that, but technically this was on the idiot who just saw something he liked and grabbed it--come on, the world was not going to respond in the same way she did when he grabbed her ass.
"I'm o-kay!" Ray announced, easing his girl's worries with one bellow of his signature phrase. The pain wasn't so bad once his skin adjusted to the pressure and hell, it was worth it for a free pork chop that had been sitting on a dirty rock for who knows how long.
"Hey, is that a bottle of root beer? I'm gonna grab it," he suddenly gasped and no sooner than he did, he was off wandering in another direction, causing his friends to cringe. Something to was the crusty pork down, nice root beer that could've contained any other substance. Delicious.
"What? No, don't grab it! That's probably another trap, you doofus!" (y/n) shrieked over her shoulder but again, Ray didn't listen until he'd stuck his hand in yet another booby trap. The second the bottle left the pressure plate, it snapped shut on his other wrist with a force that would've broken the tendons there had it been anyone else.
"Cobra-Kai, that was equally painful! G'ahhhh..."
"That's the man you want to marry?" Charlotte asked (y/n) dryly, giving her one of her dubious looks as if to tell her that she was dumb for falling for such a moron. They were polar opposites, he could do very little right and she could do very little wrong; even if they had taught her what true love looked like, it was hard to see what the woman fell for since she wasn't the type to go solely off looks.
"Yeah...he has his good moments," she replied quietly and scuffed her sneaker against the dirt. She could name a million things that made her fall in love with Ray, starting with how kind he could, how gentle he was, and how he secretly cared more than anyone, to his floppy hair, baby blue eyes and goofy grin. Amongst other things.
"Oh my god, (y/n/n), what happened to your knees?" Jasper unexpectedly exclaimed, having watched the way she scratched her shoe into the ground and caught sight of the fading bruises.
They were barely visible, almost fully healed so really, she just had some very, very minor bruises that would disappear within the next five minutes. However, if Jasper knew her superpower, and he did, he'd say that for them to be like that, she must've scuffed them up pretty badly. What had happened?
"Oh, uh...um..." the woman stuttered and prayed that the heat from her cheeks couldn't be felt by the kids over the fire. She had to think of something quickly, something that couldn't be added to the pile of reasons why she adored her doofus because it would scar all of them for life.
"Oh, uh...on the way back, I tripped on a tree root and cut them! Nothing super-regeneration can't fix, though..." was her pathetic excuse, which thankfully, went over Henry and Jasper's heads as though the scenario was plausible. They nodded and smiled sympathetically, telling her to watch where she was going in future, powers or no powers, but Charlotte didn't look so convinced. Yeah, sure, she tripped all right. Straight onto Ray's--
"People have been hunting you for years. What's so special about this guy?" Schwoz asked, turning to Bigfoot who was strangely tense after Jasper mentioned (y/n)'s banged-up legs. They were grown-ups, not idiots and the hairy man cleared his throat before continuing, sparing his and the woman's blushes with some tactful conversation.
"He's really good. He knows exactly what I like; pork chops, root beer..."
"Season two of Will & Grace on Blu-Ray!" Ray shouted once more, having spotted the small plastic box on the floor but not the trap that was undoubtedly hidden beneath the shower of dried leaves and twigs.
"That's a good season!"
"That's a great season! Maybe I can pick it up with my foot..." the hero replied, having spent many a binge session with his sweet girl to watch the famous sitcom. It was a freebie, he had to get it but this time, he was going to outsmart the trap since his hands were full, sort of.
"Ray, stop!" Schwoz yelled, hoping to get him to come back but the man was a child--he looked with his hands, not his eyes.
"AHHHHHH! Sweet Megan Mullally, when will I learn my lesson?" he whimpered as his leg was captured too, the metal threatening to impale his skin, even though it was holding out. That was a good question, when would he? Probably never, which was why it was always best to send his handler rather than let him work it out for himself.
"Someone should go get him," Charlotte suggested, eyeing Henry and (y/n) since they were the ones her boss liked best. His sidekicks could handle him, no sweat.
"On it."
"Honestly, it's like looking after a goddamn toddler," the young woman sighed as she followed Henry speedily. Hopefully, they'd get to Ray before he did something idiotic enough to land himself in serious trouble and it was annoying that she had to move again when the fire had just begun to keep her toasty.
"Anyway..." Bigfoot said sadly, standing to his enormous height and going over to get a tangerine from Schwoz's basket as he watched the boy and girl jog away around the corner, "it's only a matter of time before that hunter, S. Thompson, catches me."
"Y'know, Biggie, my friends are superheroes. Maybe they can help get this guy off your back," the genius suggested. He hated to see one of his oldest and dearest friends so gloomy and if he could, he'd do anything to help. And one of the biggest ways he could do that was getting Ray, Henry and (y/n) to flex their super muscles, intimidate this asshat a little bit to leave the woods and its residents alone.
"Hey, Henry! Grab that top hat that's randomly lying on the ground!"
"No, dude. It's a trap!"
"But look how fancy it is!"
"Raymond! You already look like a fire-damaged Lady Gaga impersonator, don't you dare set off another one of these things!" Well, they were super most of the time. Schwoz and Charlotte shook their heads as they overheard the interaction of the sidekicks trying to get the hero to follow them, only for him to reiterate how dumb he was.
"I know, I'll just kick it out of the trap really fast before it closes!"
"No, you doof, that's not gonna work!--" (y/n) begged her lover and tried to grab onto his bicep and tug him away without aggravating the claw on his arm, but once Ray had an idea in his head, he didn't snap out of it. Not even when she whined at the sight of him getting lynched.
"Yeooooowwwwwww! Mamma mia, that's a spicy bear trap!" He yowled as his other got caught, meaning he was now snatched and snipped in all four corners; the pain was near unbearable but he had his prizes, including a dashing top hat that he hoped would make his despairing sweet girl fall for him.
"See what I mean? There are traps everywhere," Bigfoot sighed and Schwoz understood his predicament. From how easy it was to fool Ray, there was a different trap every few feet, so there was no wonder that he was on edge--one wrong move could spell disaster.
"Hey!" Ray yelled as he approached the clearing again, finally having been shoved that way after Henry wrestled him away from something else interesting - another spoil of bear trap war. "Did you guys know there's a bunch of traps and a really sweet top hat in the woods?"
"Yeah, did you also know there's a massive doofus who keeps falling for them too?" (y/n) hissed as she moodily walked behind him, watching how her lover limped from the pain and weight of the metal that clung to his body. He did look cute in the top hat, though, like a huge dork that her heart couldn't help but sing for no matter how much he irritated her with his antics.
The doofus wasn't the only creature falling that night. The sweet girls were at it too.
~A while later~
After peeling Ray from the traps, a task that had required all of them working together and a monumental amount of effort, the plan to save Bigfoot was well underway.
The heroes were in their uniform, ready to pounce should this S. Thompson guy show up prematurely but apart from the electric anticipation in the air, things were smooth. 
Using one of his many contacts, Ray had brought in a large, steel booby trap, one that wasn't like one of those piddling little claw things that had got him. No, this was the real deal, something he'd used to trick criminals hundreds of times before. 
It was a box, spread out flat across the woodland floor and when lifted by several ropes, it trapped whoever was dumb enough to be standing on it like an animal. It was genius, apart from the fact that they had yet to camouflage it.
"Thanks," Jasper nodded at Henry, who had taken the time to laser off the hair on the boy's hands since they had a lick of free time now that most of the work was done. 
"Yeah, you got it," the sidekick smiled, glad to help out his buddy. Well, he'd mainly done it to stop his complaints, not to mention the fact that the sight of the ever-growing hairs was starting to freak him out.
"It was really hard to go to the bathroom with all of that hand hair."
"I don't wanna hear about it," Henry said quickly, recoiling at the image of Jasper doing stuff and then, stuff getting on things and...ew. He did not want to hear about that, too much information but it didn't deter Jasper, not at all. 
Sensing his friend's discomfort, he merely smiled and warmly patted his arm before walking off, mentioning something about enlightening poor Charlotte with his toilet troubles instead. She and (y/n) had been sent off on a very important mission whilst the guys did all of the heavy liftings with the trap; they were told to collect twigs and moss and leaves--that sort of thing--any material that would cover the metal sheets and blend it into the ground. 
"Hey, we got the pine needles you wanted to cover the trap!" Charlotte announced, shuffling back into the clearing with a fluffy mound of brown foliage. Twigs, moss and leaves weren't that easy to carry, but millions of pine needles could easily be scooped up, even if they didn't make them feel itchy and scratchy. 
Walking to the centre of the flat box, the girls dumped their loads, watching as it fluttered to the ground and covered about one per cent of the metal, which didn't help them. The needles clumped together, so all it was were two brown lumps on the ground, not the thick camo they were after.
"Oh my god, where'd the trap go?" Henry asked sarcastically, looking at the two who didn't respond well to his dry quip. He'd expected them to either bring more or at least try and spread it out, give them a bit more coverage, but frankly, it was a pathetic effort on their part.
"Seriously, sweet girl? That's all the pine needles you could get?" Ray turned to his fiancée, whose eyes narrowed at the prospect of him pointing the blame but he didn't sound mean or angry, just soft and questioning. Right, the others could be told off but never her--she was the one he was enchanted by.
"Well, doofus, we could've gotten more if maybe someone would've helped us. I don't know, maybe someone with floofy hair and thirty-two-inch biceps?" (y/n) replied frankly, her hands on her hips since she wasn't a miracle worker. 
If she was an octopus, she would've been able to carry eight times that amount, or if she was a magician, she could float them over, but she wasn't. She was just a superheroine who'd tripped a million times in her cute boots that were sadly not designed for rocky terrain and had a lover who'd been too busy strutting about like an egotistical peacock to help her and Charlotte.
"Don't worry, darlin'. I got you," he smirked and for a moment, she genuinely thought that she'd gotten through to him with her flirting and stroking of his ego but then, he had to go and ruin it, "Jasper! Schwoz! Go with Charlotte and Miss Danger and get more pine needles."
The boss had spoken and upon receiving his command, the boys and girl sloped off to go and scavenge for more needles, leaving (y/n) to give him a boring look. And people said chivalry was dead.
"Wow, Captain Man. Thanks a lot!" She exclaimed in a faux excited voice, turning lethargically on her heel but not before pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. He might have pissed her off but she'd never leave without giving him one, otherwise, she'd never be able to concentrate on anything other than the knowledge that her doofus might not know how much she loved him. And she could never have that.
"So, what's the plan?" Bigfoot asked as the woman walked off to tell Jasper not to eat any unknown substances. It was his voice that broke Ray out of his trance, having been totally in a dream as he followed her figure until it had rounded the corner completely. What? What was that? Had he been thinking about her thighs again? Certainly not!
"We're gonna trap that jerk-bag hunter," Ray replied calmly. He still wasn't awed to be in Bigfoot's presence but he could tolerate him now that his system was clear and he had a job to focus on. 
"Yeahhhhh, Bigfoot likey!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then, as soon as we spring the trap, Captain Man and I will pop out and he won't even remember that you're Bigfoot.
"Oh, solid plan!" The hairy man grinned as Henry explained what they were gonna do and it did sound pretty cool. The hunter couldn't hunt if he didn't know what he was hunting, which was what made it so clever, if only they were that too. After all, they were so busy chuckling that they didn't notice the predator circling them.
"How does this trap worked?" Biggie asked, distracting them yet again from their surroundings. The stalker in the bushes was good at his job as Bigfoot had described, so he knew how to muffle his footsteps and creep about in the shadows to the extent that not even the great Captain Man with all of his experience knew what was happening.
"Great question, 'Foot!"
"You're gonna stand right over there and when the hunter sees you, he's gonna be like, doo-do-doo-do-doo-do! There's Bigfoot!" Ray played it out, acting like an idiot as he scampered over to stand in the middle of the trap.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then, he's gonna walk over and stand right here--this spot," Henry carried on, moving to stand next to his boss so they were adjacent to the pathetic pile of pine needles. They were so dumb; Thompson was standing right there and they didn't even know it, and neither did they see how huddling together was a really crap idea.
"Right here?"
"Mhmm, right where we're standing right now," Ray nodded to the other man, who was now in the centre of the box too, looking around intently but not that intently...or carefully.
"And then, Schwoz will hit a button and he'll spring the trap."
"This trap right here?" Bigfoot pointed to the metal under their feet, just to make sure he knew what they were planning. After all, it was his safety and everything.
"The same."
"The one we're standing over right now."
"And where is this button that springs the trap we're standing on right now?" Bigfoot asked, not realising that his biggest foe was eavesdropping on every word they were saying. It was like they wanted him to know how to outwit them or like they had a death wish because Thompson was getting some great tips on how to catch the beast he'd been after for so many years.
"Another great question, 'Foot. It is riiiiiiiggggghhhtt...there," Henry slurred, looking around for the button since he hadn't been paying attention when Schwox had been setting it up. He and Ray scanned the trees and surrounding bushes before their eyes landed on one big red button that had been nailed to a tree trunk. And that's when they finally noticed the man in the high-vis vest standing next to it. 
"Hey there, fella!" Ray suddenly said in a tight, chirpy voice that didn't soothe or fool Thompson. He knew a nervous person when he cornered one or three, including his prize.
"Would you mind stepping over here to the--" Too late. Nothing Ray could've said would have convinced Thompson to do anything but whack the button; he'd waited years to catch Bigfoot and now, he had him and he'd virtually walked into a trap set by himself. He wouldn't pass up that opportunity. Immediately, the trap was sprung and a series of pulleys above their heads pulled the walls up, magnetically locking the three in a solid steel box.
"Woo!" The hunters had become the hunted.
Inside, Ray pulled a portable light from his belt and stuck it to the wall, giving them light now that the moon was hidden due to the height of the metal. It wasn't great but at least they could sort of see.
"Okay, we need a new plan..." Henry hissed to his boss, who knew that it was just a question of what. They couldn't get out, not on their own and little did Thompson know but they had two teens and a weirdo and a hot superhero out in the woods as a backup. He knew what to do.
"Scream for help?"
"Scream for help." Henry nodded and instantly, the three bawled at the top of their lungs. The noise ricocheted out and into the night air as they begged for mercy, for someone to come get them and for the hunter to not hurt them--Ray even tried thumping on the walls to no avail. All that could be heard was that hillbilly celebrating his easiest victory ever.
"Woo! Gah! Yeeewoo! Finally got Bigfoot! Yeah, gah, you're in there, boy! Woo!" He screamed and banged his fist against the steel, causing Biggie to jump at the racket as his enemy taunted him. "I'm gonna call the news right now! That's right, I'm gonna be famous! I'm definitely gonna get married now..."
"Not before I do, buddy..." Ray muttered, fully aware that the asshole couldn't hear him but still. He wasn't gonna be carted off like some freak and fail his mission there had to be some way out, after all, he had a very important date to make at some point. And even so, he doubted that any girl would want to come in three feet of a man who wanted to poach innocent beings.
"Dude, he's calling the news. What are we gonna do?" Henry questioned worriedly and ignored the murmurings that fell from his boss' mouth. He was more concerned with their current predicament than whether Thompson thought he was God's gift to women or water.
"Oh, come on. Like the news is gonna pick up..." the hero scoffed at his sidekick's worries. Not to be mean or anything but S. Thompson was a bit of a weirdo and he doubted that the news would pay attention to him at all--if anything, this would be a wake-up call for him to get a proper job.
"This is the hunter, S. Thompson and I trapped Bigfoot. Bring your cameras, you can be the first people in the world to show pictures of him!" The hunter's hushed voice came from outside and quickly, Henry gave Ray the stink eye. He just had to jinx it, didn't he?
Yeah, the news was interested, they had very little else to do, so now, Mary, Trent and probably all the other creature fanatics in Swellview were headed their way. 
"He called the news! They're on the way!" Bigfoot exclaimed in a panicky voice. He was freaking out at the thought of being exposed to the world and from the sounds of it, he was near tears at the thought of being labelled a mutant, a sideshow freak. 
"Relax, 'Foot, I'm gonna laser us outta here," Ray told him soothingly as he plucked his controller from his belt. He'd had a great idea and hell, it had once been tried in a movie so it might work now, even if in that movie, the theory hadn't panned out.
"What? No, no, no, dude, it's diamond-plated steel--" Henry tried to warn him that firing a laser could have disastrous consequences but like always, Ray didn't listen. Schwoz and (y/n) had said something about the metal being extremely durable and resistant, so a silly laser wouldn't do a thing, not even a scratch, as they were about to see.
Ray fired a small shot, not at full strength but not a mild one either, but when it came into contact with the patch of walls above their heads, the plasma bounced. It another plate and another and another, ricocheting all around them until it burned a hole in Bigfoot's fur. 
"Ow!" He yelped in pain as the heat seared away all of the hair to leave his skin underneath smooth and pale. Definitely not one of Ray's best ideas.
"Maybe if I set this thing to kill..." he muttered, again not thinking with his head. Stupidly, he didn't make the connection that a stronger laser wouldn't help, all it would do was render one of them dead, so Henry would have to wrestle to stop him before something disastrous happened...or maybe not. He'd just had a brainwave.
"Hang on a second. Dude, dudedudedudedudedudedude--"
"What? What?" Ray looked at him, agitated from all of the pesterings. Seriously, that was as annoying as (y/n) begging him for a slurp of his drinks all of the time but without any of the butterflies.
"Dude, look at his arm," Kid Danger said, pointing to Biggie's right arm, the one that had been nicked by the rogue laser.
"Yeah, it's big, but mine are way bigger," the man replied, not seeing the significance of the other guy's arms when his were superb. Come on, they made Miss Danger swoon whenever he tensed them and so, that's what he did, flexed them to make them puff up into the physique that he was well-known for. 
"What? No, that's not what I'm--" the boy shook his head and got his boss to knock it off because his name wasn't (y/n) - thirty-two-inch biceps didn't work on him. "Look at the bald spot! It looks like he's got normal skin." He redirected his attention to the lasered spot, which kinda looked like Jasper's head had been after the unfortunate incident.
"So?" Ray shrugged again, not seeing why the kid was getting so pumped over silly old Bigfoot. 
"So, this might sound crazy but...what if we shave Bigfoot with our lasers?" Henry suggested, looking at Ray with a devious smirk. Hell yeah, it was crazy and kooky but they were desperate, so maybe they needed a bit of that. 
"Okay...love that," Ray was up for it anyway. After the Jasper incident, he'd discover that seeing someone with their hair gone was pretty funny and besides, Bigfoot was known for being hairy--what would the news crews do if they turned up to a pink blob and two superheroes? Probably nothing.
"Uh...I don't know, guys. My hair is kind of my thing," the hairy man said anxiously. He had some doubts, which was understandable but it might be their only option.
"Exactly! So, if we zap your hair off, when they open this up, it'll just be three totally normal, hairless dudes just chilling in the woods!" Henry explained. Honestly, Biggie didn't know if getting caught as a beast or as one of three guys in the woods was worst--the boy did make it sound a bit weird, especially when he and Ray did their weird little hand-wiggle thing.
"Hairless boys!"
"Exactly!" They grinned and did their little high-pitched tongue noises as their fingers wiggled together before looking at the man expectantly.
"Uh, I don't know..." Bigfoot debated, sounding unsure since it had taken him a long time to get to be the walking carpet he was now. How long would it be until he got his hirsute splendour back? But then...
"Woo! Ya hear that? The news is comin'! Yeah, the world is finally gonna know the name of the hunter, S. Thompson! You're mine now, ya big, smelly hairbag!" The obnoxious poacher's voice came from outside and the southern drawl sent a shiver down Bigfoot's spine. Right, he had to remember the alternative and what would happen to him if he didn't lose his hair. It didn't bear thinking about.
"Be gentle..." Finally, he came to a decision; the hair had to go. At least if they set it to a weaker setting then the beam wouldn't be as strong or painful, and so, with the devices turned down low, Henry and Ray got to work. Biggie's eyes were squeezed shut as green light began to glide across his fur, taking it away bit by bit. 
It was just hair. It would grow back. Being bald was temporary, being trapped and experimented on was forever.
~Deeper in the woods~
Whilst all of that had been going on with the boys, (y/n) had been traipsing after Schwoz, Charlotte and Jasper for what seemed like forever. 
The boy kept seeing bright plants and flowers that he liked the look of--plants and flowers that (y/n) could swear were poisonous so she had a job keeping him alive as they each collected large armfuls of pine needles until they could carry no more. 
They'd been at it for a good ten minutes, surely, they had enough to satisfy Ray and cover the trap, besides, Charlotte and Jasper could swear that she was getting antsier the longer she was away from her doofus. Stupid love, it made them so silly.
"Hey, I got more pine needles for the trap!"
"Me too!" The girls shouted as they came stumbling back from different routes, having decided that foraging in different clearings would be the best idea. Schwoz was already stood at the meeting point and like them, could barely see over his collection it was that plentiful.
"Okay, just put them over there by the bush--" he instructed them, thinking that they were gonna return to the campsite in a moment but he didn't expect them to just dump their loads on him. As if he was some sort of pack mule, Charlotte dumped her needles on top of his and because of that, (y/n) copied her, believing that he'd kindly offered to carry them so their arms wouldn't get all itchy.
"Wait, wait, that is not--" His protests came too late and then, Jasper returned as well with yet more pine needles.
"Comin' in with needles!" He shouted, carrying another million or so and Charlotte knew exactly what to do with them, after all, they weren't heavy or anything.
"Oh, give 'em to Schwoz."
"No, do not do that!" the genius protested, thinking that he could barely see as it was, he didn't want more needles on top of him. But Jasper had a problem, one that hadn't been taken care of earlier when Henry kindly volunteered to trim his hand hair because, for the most part, it had been forgotten about.
"I can't hear with all this ear hair!" Jasper yelled at an unnecessary volume and now that they looked, the girl could see that he had long tufts of hair sprouting from inside his ears. Schwoz had said not to itch them and Henry hadn't lasered them, so he was having a hard time listening to anything--including himself.
"Give--your--pine needles--to Schwoz!" (y/n) shouted directly into his ear, hoping that she was being loud enough to penetrate the long strands. Jasper strained to catch every word and nodded as he got the just of it, much to the small man's displeasure.
"Okay!"
"Wait! Don't--arghh!" he groaned as the final pile was added and whilst one small bundle weighed practically nothing, added together, it was quite hefty, enough to make him feel a slight strain. "I know my muscles are huge but--
"Hey, guys!" A voice suddenly came from the right to cut off Schwoz. He couldn't see who it was but for (y/n), Jasper and Charlotte, it was highly familiar--Piper. (y/n) squeaked at the thought of her seeing Miss Danger in the woods, fraternising with two teens who she wasn't supposed to know and in a split second of panic, she froze and looked for a place to hide as the girl approached.
"Someone caught Bigfoot in a trap--bye!" And like that, she was gone. Piper didn't even register that a gobsmacked heroine had been in the clearing, as well as a walking haystack so it was a surreal experience until the panic set in again for a whole different reason.
"Wait, what did she say?" Schwoz asked, not having heard the shocking news above the rustling of the pine needles. Plus, it was kinda hard to believe it since they were trying to do the reverse.
"Someone taught Bigfoot how to rap!" Jasper replied loudly, getting nearly all of the words wrong thanks to his hairy ears. To be fair, Piper had only been present for all of three seconds and Charlotte had (y/n) barely caught it, so he was at a disadvantage.
"No! Someone--caught--Bigfoot--in a trap!" Charlotte yelled, sounding out each word as the heroine had done earlier so he had time to catch them. Well, that didn't sound good at all, especially since if Bigfoot was trapped, then something must've happened to Ray and Henry too. Oh, god...
"We need to get back there!" (y/n) breathed out and gestured for the kids to run after her as a chill ran down her body. Her sweet doofus, Henry, Biggie, something must've happened, so she took off running with the teens hot on her heels as Schwoz floundered with the now useless needles.
"Wait, what about the pine needles?" He called after them.
"Who cares?!" Charlotte screamed over her shoulder and by that point, she was already gone by the time Schwoz said that he did. Miss Danger would have a heart attack if anything happened to her companions, especially her soulmate, but the genius was more concerned about what they had spent so long collecting. 
But he didn't have to think about it for long because as he worried about what to do with them, a large, grumbling man emerged from the bushes, heading straight for him. In his drunken state, the man collided with Schwoz, coating himself with the needles that for some reason stuck to him like glue and when he roared from the pain, Schwoz took off running.
He knew a monster when he saw one, even if that monster looked strangely familiar, so he left it to gurgle and claw at the fuzz clinging to his skin so he could make a break for it and catch up with the others.
~
In the clearing, things had started to heat up.
True to their word to S. Thompson, the news and all of their helicopters, crews and the genuine desk had turned up for the big report, one that would make the hunter famous once and for all. Trent and Mary were here and as soon as the cameras started rolling, he'd spring it for them to see, for the entire world to see.
Not only that, but a group of enthusiasts and local busybodies had arrived, hoping to catch a glimpse of the real-life Bigfoot in the man's trap, so their phones were ready for the big moment, whenever that would come.
"This is insane..." (y/n) grumbled to Charlotte and Jasper, her arms folded as she watched the news desk be lowered from the helicopter for Trent and Mary to sit at. 
There had been a few murmured whispers about why Miss Danger had suddenly stormed onto the scene with her face like thunder and two teenagers and a weirdo following her but she was too worried to pay attention. Apparently, Bigfoot was in their trap, which had worked perfectly only on the wrong people, and she just knew that her doofus was stuck in there too--the doofus.
"That's good, Rick!" Trent shouted to the helicopter pilot once the desk was firmly on the ground for her and Mary to sit at.
"Did I miss Bigfoot?" Piper asked Mitch Bilsky, who had indeed been the terrified camper spooked by Biggie earlier. The girl had been slowed down by her dad, who'd gotten lost somewhere along the way after eating some poisonous fungus, but she'd left him behind when the whir of the helicopter sounded above her head. Bigfoot was more important.
"Nah, that guy's about to reveal him right now," Mitch replied, pointing to Thompson as he loitered around the trap, "I'm gonna get a video of me looking at his feet going, what are those?!"
"If I could have everyone's attention!" The hunter announced and looked to the crowd where Mitch was being so immature, "I'd like to give a little speech." He said tenderly, annoying the buzzing crowd who weren't much for mushy sentimentality.
"Websters defines a hero as a big sandwich...but if you look a little further down--"
"Just open it up, ya gunch!" Mitch yelled, interrupting the dumb speech that was in no way relevant or tearjerking. For once, (y/n) was grateful for his big mouth and shuffled from one foot to another as the seconds lagged. She didn't want to hear some shit about sandwiches when her friends and lover were trapped inside and about to be revealed to the world.
"Fine, I'll open it," Thompson huffed, annoyed that his glorious moment as a hero had been shot down, but the best was yet to come as he grabbed the trap's release. 
"Behold! Bigfoot!" he cried and the walls fell into their original flat position. As (y/n) had predicted, Ray and Henry had indeed gotten trapped with Bigfoot, caught by that dumbass hunter but along with the heroes was a being who blew her mind. 
The cameras flashed as everyone gawked at the guy who was supposedly Bigfoot, but he wasn't. What had been fur was now smooth, pale skin that had seen little sunlight and the teens, (y/n) and Schwoz gasped as they saw Biggie looking like a proper man. His hair and beard were clipped, as were his torso and legs save for a section around his butt that had been kept furry to save his modesty. Honestly, they were just two heroes and a guy in furry pants, what was epic about that?
"Hey, everybody!"
"Hi, people of Swellview..." Ray and Henry greeted the crowd awkwardly as Bigfoot held his breath and tried not to shiver from the newfound cold. Ray turned to wink at his sweet girl, who sighed with relief when she saw that they were all okay but he wasn't able to quell her questioning look, not without tipping off the crowd that they were in the middle of a scheme.
"Trent, Mary, how's it goin'?"
"How are you?" They then turned to news crews, who looked equally perplexed because they had been expecting Bigfoot, not the crimefighters and some random big guy with weird fashion sense. S. Thompson had gone strangely pale and quiet as he took in his prize--or lack thereof--and he couldn't work out what had happened.
"So...where's Bigfoot?" Trent asked, searching the scene but coming up empty. God, he hated hoaxes.
"He's there! He's right there, look!" S. Thompson snapped, pointing directly at Biggie, who merely appeared shrewd and harmless at such an indictment, turning around as if he was just another curious onlooker--just how Ray and Henry had told him to act. If he looked in a mirror, he wouldn't recognise himself, let alone the fanatics and journalists around them, who always saw Bigfoot in one specific light.
"Who, Eddie? This is just our friend, Eddie," Captain Man lied, brushing away the hunter's accusations with faux innocence and his signature trustworthy persona. Everyone believed their favourite heroes because they loved them so much and their cunning made Charlotte, Jasper, (y/n) and Schwoz smirk at each other.
"Hi, I'm Eddie!" Bigfoot waved to the baffled crowd with a big grin on his face. They were confused but didn't suspect a thing; perfect.
"Yeah, and Eddie here, he--he likes to wear...hair shorts."
"Which are a real thing!" Henry said and was quickly backed up by Ray when everyone's gaze fell to Bigfoot's curious attire. Well, they couldn't leave him naked and from a distance, they just looked like a peculiar garment; it wouldn't be the first time Swellview had been hit by weird fashions, the hip youth was always doing odd stuff.
"Whoa...I never heard of no hair shorts," Thompson protested, glaring at the heroes as they tried to slip his prize out from under his nose. He knew the truth, he could smell Bigfoot after so many years of studying and he wasn't going to let them convince the crowd otherwise.
"Well, I have!" (y/n) abruptly exclaimed, crossing the clearing to come and stand in between Henry and her doofus, bringing with her an opinion that the citizens of Swellview could never refuse. 
Miss Danger was often spotted in every magazine going, whether they be gossip or fashion because everyone wanted to know what she thought or wore or liked, so if she put her seal of approval on hair shorts then they would be in every boutique in the city before the next sunrise. 
"Yeah, I've heard of hair shorts and I think that they are the coolest. I have so many pairs at home!" She lied through her beaming smile as Ray stood smugly next to her and put his arm around her waist. She smiled at that, feeling her heart flutter now that she knew he was safe and sound, even if the camera flashes meant that they'd be headlining the news again as the city's hottest couple.
"Did you hear? Miss Danger says that hair shorts are the coolest!" Charlotte repeated to the crowd in a robotic voice like she was an avid fan eager to follow the heroine's way of life to a tee.
"Yeah! And she's an influencer so hair shorts have to be cool!" Jasper carried on, sending the crowd into a hush of whispers because that's how society worked in the modern era. Celebrities were the leaders and the mere mortal public were the sheep and none could be prouder than Ray as he stood on the arm of the hottest woman in town.
"I--I mean, those are the rules," Piper acknowledged. She was an internet loiterer, constantly checking and refreshing every app and website going for new trends and gossip, so she'd know what to do if one of her idols said something; follow it to the letter.
"Come on, guys. Let's go get some hair shorts!" Mitch smirked at his pack of buffoons, showing that the pack mentality was starting to work--hair shorts would be popular come tomorrow afternoon. And that did not please Thompson.
"No, wait! Don't leave!" he begged the crowd, who were beginning to lose interest now that they knew that Bigfoot was still a mystery and he a loony. "Y'all, that's Bigfoot and I found him! And I'm gonna get married!"
"Fat chance of that..." (y/n) said under her breath so only Ray and Henry could hear her. The man chuckled at her response that was along the lines of his and it was when he had pressed his lips to her temple joyfully that something came stumbling out of the undergrowth.
The crowd gasped as a hulking, moaning creature staggered into the clearing, looking like it had been in a fight with a dead bush and lost, and sounding like it was in pain--kinda like Bigfoot. He was hairy, sort of, and animalistic in his manner, so they snapped a few pictures for evidence of what was actually Mr Hart covered in a load of sap, pine needles from Schwoz, whilst slightly high from the moss that he'd eaten by mistake.
"That's Bigfoot!" Mary cried from the desk, pointing at the terrifying monster as it snarl at the stunned crowd, who quickly descended into madness as they saw what looked like a creature from a fairytale. 
As the disorientated man swayed, they charged, eager to get a hold of Bigfoot and Mr Hart ran for his life, the bleariness in his eyes making it difficult until they were all lead away from the trap. And that left the Man Cave team and "Eddie" alone at last.
"Well, that just about wraps it up," Ray said with a clap of his hands and he could honestly say that he was ready to go home. He had unfinished business with his sweet girl and the idea of falling asleep with her as they watched movies in the bed sounded heavenly.
"So..." Henry nodded, knowing that there wasn't much else for them to do now that all of the hunters were on the wrong trail and they'd met Schwoz's friend as they had set out to do. "You guys wanna go back to the Man Cave and watch Will & Grace?"
"Season two?" Biggie asked.
"Do you even have to ask?" Henry giggled and the man and boy bumped fists as everyone agreed that the plan couldn't be better. Well, that would (y/n) and Ray down to the ground, they'd fall asleep watching anything, in their room or not in their room, as long as they could cuddle, which they inevitably would. 
"Let's go!" (y/n) grinned and ushered them all to get moving so they could leave all of the drama behind. However, as the teens, Schwoz and Bigfoot turned to go, Ray's eyes wandered and spotted something shiny and interesting yet again. There were so many traps yet for him to discover...so many things for him to take.
"Ooooh, look. Some cheese titos!" he smirked deviously and wiggled his fingers, indicating that he was gonna swipe them for a binge-watching snack. He would never learn his lesson, no matter how many times he hurt himself or had his fingers smacked by his precious girl.
"What? No, dude, no!" Henry tried to stop him, not wanting to go through the same struggle again but this time, (y/n) was willing to let Ray learn for himself. After all, once bitten twice shy, right?
"No, kid, just let him. Sadly, this is the only way he'll learn," she sighed and held a hand out for him to stay where he was. He was her doofus and she loved him but she wasn't going to spend their lives together running around to wrap him in cotton wool. He couldn't be an idiot forever, he'd soon learn to keep his hands to himself.
"These things are cheesetastic!" Ray grinned and reached down to grab the bag as he kept smiling at his tired fiancée. He'd just get these and then, they could go because of course, he wasn't aware that he was the one tiring her out with his antics. 
"ARGGGGGGHHHHH!" And then came the pain. The claw closed on his hand as the others had and it was like his hand was being ripped off constantly but refusing to let go of his wrist. "Crunchy snacks, that smarts!"
His friends cringed but as the pain passed, they assumed that he'd hobble back to (y/n)'s side to lick his wounds and seek her comfort, but no. In true Ray fashion and despite his silent promise, the hero looked to his left and saw something else, another doohickey that he fancied, and he figured that one more trinket could hurt. Traps could hurt, though, and hearing him in pain was even worse for some.
"Hey, look! A cane! That'll go perfect with my top hat!" he noted as he ate a chip and felt so giddy about the idea of being a pristine gentleman for his sweet girl that he skipped off to go and retrieve it. At this rate, they'd never go home, not until he was immobilised by metal and carrying a bag full of worthless tat.
"Or...he'll never learn." the heroine lamented, burying her face in her hands as Ray went off again...and got trapped again. Did he not know that he was breaking her heart and tearing down every word she said in his defence? She could get him titos if he wanted and she didn't need him to dress up, dressing down was preferable and now, he was a bigger doofus than ever.
"Ow! Puttin' on the Ritz, that hurts!"
"Are you sure you wanna marry him? It's not too late to run for it, y'know..." Charlotte retorted to the woman, who didn't take any offence from her words. She was joking, that was clear, the girl would never ruin the relationship that she helped to forge, but it had to be said yet again. 
They were so different and him so difficult--did she really want to sign herself up for a lifetime of that?
"You don't know my doofus like I do. He's a massive idiot and he drives me insane but he's my massive idiot. I wouldn't have it any other way... I love him."
Hell yeah, she did.
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thatpodcastkid · 5 months ago
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Magnus Archives Relisten 19, MAG 19 Confession
The Magnus Archives reinforces my stance that religion-based horror is the genre's peak.
Yes I was raised Catholic why do you ask
Spoilers ahead!
Facts: Statement of Father Edwin Burroughs regarding his "possession." Statement given May 30th, 2011.
Statement Notes: My biggest question is how the institute got this statement. Burroughs says it was probably difficult to arrange and is grateful for the chance to give the statement, so it implies that he sought out the institute. If so, how did he find out about them? It's also possible that the institute sought out a statement from Burroughs, but why? Gertrude would likely understand his importance or at least would have attempted to follow up on the Hilltop Road Case, so it's likely if Burroughs did not actively seek out the institute, she found him.
The idea that Father Burroughs would reach out to give a statement is really great to me, though. He's coming from a culture that stresses the need to admit every transgression in order to remain perfectly morally pure. In giving his statement, Burroughs is seeking absolution. It's literally titled "Confession."
Though likely unintentional, Jon reading this statement furthers the idea that, at least in the world to come, he is the closest thing the TMA universe has to God. By Season 5, he is omniscient, all powerful, and simultaneously merciful and punishing. He takes Burroughs confession, judges it, and then moves on. Burroughs is haunted his entire life, but Jon--the absent God--hears hundreds of people's confessions and doesn't do anything. He just watches.
Continuing with the idea of religious horror as an extension or offshoot of eldritch horror, this episode utilizes fear of the sin inside oneself really well. In my experience, the fear of going to Hell or being punished for one's sins is lesser in Catholic circles than the fear of being a sinner. The idea that something inside of you is inherently wrong or evil is a common one across religions, so it makes sense that to destroy Burroughs mind and bring his worst fear to life, the entities would make him believe there is a demon inside of him. The evil isn't attacking him, but is a part of him. His worst fear is himself.
The demon attempting to "steal" Burroughs faith is really terrifying. The implication that something so immutable and intangible cannot only be taken away, but can be used by another being. The demon isn't destroying Burroughs faith, but keeping for itself.
What I find really interesting is how different the things Burroughs describes in this statement are from the second part of his statement. The pace really picks up between MAG 19 and MAG 20, in addition to the subject shifting. Burroughs changes from an observer of other people's torture to experiencing his own. This change really amped up my anxiety as I went from 19 to 20.
Entity Alignment: Anything Hill Top Road related is immediately a mixed bag of nightmares. Being a demonic possession episode and the "mentis" writing on the wall, the Spiral comes to mind. Bethany's degrading mental health after moving into her new home does align with the environmental triggers that usually accompany a Spiral episode. Additionally, Bethany and Burroughs both lose control of their minds and bodies, in line with the Spiral.
The eventual cannibalism does implicate the Flesh, however. I wonder how often the Flesh interacts with a religion that literally consumes the body and blood of its lord. (Side note, but "We'll get to the cannibalism," is now up there with "I feel like I should be upfront with this, I'm probably a cannibal," as my favorite lines a character says within the first 10 seconds of a statement.)
Hill Top Road does implicate at least some connection to the Desolation. But either way, in MAG 20, many more entities come into play as Burrough possession and hallucinations develop. Read my next blog for some thought on that if you would like.
Character Notes: Sarcastic Jon re-enters the arena with a steal chair!
"When it is found by myself, or given the state of the Archive's mismanagement, by my successor when I pass away from old age."
Oh sweetie, you think you're going to get an old age? That's adorable
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wildgeese98 · 4 months ago
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Some of my favorite tma episodes that don't get talked about much.
mag 36 Taken Ill: One of the most horrifying Corruption statements ever. First appearance of John Amherst and an early appearance of the Hunt dream team, Trevor and Julia. Also sets up Melanie's father's fate two whole seasons later.
mag 44 Tightrope: first Gertrude statement. Statement giver became a doctor so he could try to understand the Stranger creatures he saw in the "freak show" tent. There's something so horrifying about spending your life trying to understand something you saw as a child, to the point where it influences your career and it just leads you to realize that what you saw can't be explained.
mag 45 Blood Bag: Mosquitos suck all of the blood out of a guy because he sold his lucky syringe, enough said there I think.
mag 52 Exceptional Risk: Something I think Jonny is very good at is writing from the perspective of shitty cops. The statement giver spends the whole time both bragging about and excusing his abuse of the prisoners under his care. He readily admits to using excessive force but has a million reasons why it's necessary. Also it's clear that the system fully allows and encourages it, until they come under any kind of scrutiny of course. He's just such and believable character, awful in such a mundane, true to life way. It's one of those episodes where the the supernatural element is not the most horrifying part by a long shot.
mag 53 Crusader: Love the voice actor for the statement giver, his performance makes an already harrowing story that much more upsetting. The description of the man burning alive inside the tank really got to me. Also introduces the concept of the ancient Archivists which is really fun and I wish had been explored more. Love a shuffling, empty husk that's not allowed to die.
mag 60 The Observer Effect: I am genuinely so afraid of seeing something lurking behind me in my reflection. This one really creeped me out. Really considering what it would be like have something watching you all the time makes my skin crawl. I'm not that surprised she tried to blow up the Institute.
mag 99 Dust To Dust: There's just something about the vibe of this one. The Dust Bowl is such a perfect setting for a Buried statement. All that dirt causing so much destitution and suffering while in turn having been caused by people overworking the land trying to "build their fortunes". Lungs full of dirt is also just such and awful way to die. Also Gertrude mispronouncing Boise always sends me.
mag 113 Breathing Room: Gotta love a Dekker statement. More than on of the End statements manage to hit precisely onto one of my very specific ongoing anxieties. Every couple months I become convinced that there is a carbon monoxide leak in my apartment. I'm also obsessed with the detail that the blood of people of die of carbon monoxide poisoning is cherry red. Plus love that Dekker's solution was straight up just a good old fashioned lobotomy.
mag 123 Web Development: I love when Jonny dips into his old school internet horror roots. Chelicerae really sounds like a creepypasta that an older kid tells you about on the playground. I am also obsessed with a guy who is so much of a pushover that he refuses to stop working for an evil website that turns people into spider monsters because he doesn't want to rock the boat.
mag 148 Extended Surveillance: In retrospect this feels like a Protocol case to me. A guy fusing with the computers and cctv system, yeah I've heard that one before.
mag 183 Monument: It's interesting that this one doesn't get a lot of play because it is essentially the thesis statement on why Smirks 14 was a deeply flawed system and why any attempt at categorizing the Fears will inevitably fail. It's also got some great Helen moments and a very good Jon/Martin conversation at the end.
mag 159 Adrift: Simply for Jon and Basira's conversation.
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bizarrocloudy · 4 months ago
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Ok, I just watched ALL* of Red vs Blue. Here is my rating for each season.
Note: This is mostly a vibes-based rating system, because I didn't think to rate them as I watched them-- so having all of this information shoved into my brain over the course of 3 weeks has maybe damaged me a little bit. And I maybe can't remember exactly why I am rating these things the way I am. And I am maybe even forgetting some stuff. I am an elderly person now so legally you have to either a) feel sorry for my cognitive decline, or b) respect my opinions due to my worldliness and wisdom.
Season 1, 2, 3, 4, 5: A
Season 6, 7, 8: B
Season 9, 10: D
Season 11: C
Season 12: A
Season 13: B
Season 14: C (Since it's such a mixed bag because it's an anthology. We're averaging here. There were some really cute ones! And also some boring as hell ones.)
Season 15: B
Season 16: D
Season 17: F+
Season 18: N/A -- Watched like 2 episodes and I hated it so I just skipped this season
Restoration: C
Notes: I watched The Blood Gulch Chronicles countless times, and I loved them. I first saw a season when my friends showed me in 2004, when I was in high school. Donut with the spider on his head has lived rent free in my brain ever since.
I remember catching up in college and watching some of Seasons 6 & 7 maybe? And that is where I stopped. So the majority of this was a first-time watch!
Some of the humor is so good, and some of the humor is just edgy as fuck. Peak gen-x male gamer in early 2000's type shit.
It was interesting to watch the use of misogyny and the R-word as comedic devices taper off throughout the course of the 20-year time period it spans. Honestly watching these was like a cultural research project.
Overall I had a pretty good time. Like I said, a lot of the writing is very well done for what it is, and really funny.
The ending for Church and Tex was pretty sweet. The ending for Grif and Simmons, not so much. Would've been ok if they'd sounded a little bit sadder about leaving each other!!!
Another shameful note: I recently found a grimmons fanfic buried deep within my computer's most secret file folder structures. I think I wrote it about 14 years ago. I read it and it was so embarrassing that I considered throwing my PC into Lake Michigan. I guess I can say I've been a grimmons shipper for about 15 years though!!! 🫡 I'VE SERVED MY TIME
Thank you for reading about this strange compulsion that I had.
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