#bless you for putting up with all my doctor who yelling

[beastszai]

✦ Dazai and Chuuya childhood headcanons (2/2) ✦

part 1

!!! THIS POST CONTAINS STORMBRINGER SPOILERS !!!

♫ Orchard - OMORI

✧ warnings : STORMBRINGER SPOILERS・mentions of s*icide, death, hospitalization, alcoholism, etc.・angst・pure angst…・ooc (???)

✧ a/n : got way too long im sorr… but I love chuuya so much and all these headcanons have been eating dust in the back of my head and im so happy (lie) to finally post them

w/c : 950

!!! these are just personal headcanons and are not accurate to the canon story !!!

✦ Chuuya :

Chuuya’s parents weren’t blessed with a child even after years of marriage…

…So when he was born, they were so happy that they celebrated 3 days and nights (like the real Chuuya Nakahara !!)

Such a sweet boy… very polite and a tiny bit shy

He actually had an amazing bond with both his parents

And they loved him a lot, too!

How mini Chuuya would help his mom around the house, how he would randomly tell her that he loves her :,^)

Chuuya was probably interested in his father’s work (military doctor, like the real Chuuya’s father!!)

AUGHH he would peek at his dad working with those big blue curious eyes

Also, unlike Dazai, I headcanon that Chuuya has siblings!

2 little sisters!!

When his first little sister was born, he was probably around 3 or 4

Was quick to grow attached to his sister

And when his second sister came around, he was around 7

Was very overprotective of his sisters, and had a big soft spot for them

Would piggyback carry their younger sister every morning to school while holding his other sisters hand

Brilliant kid

Adored by absolutely everyone and everything

Chuuya and the family dinners with the rest of the Nakahara family SIGHHH

His mom always worried about him not eating enough (even though he did.)

His dad developed this hobby and habit of checking Chuuya and his sisters’ heights and mark them on the wall

Chuuya wasn’t the happiest when he figured that his younger sister was nearly the same height as him…

And regarding Stormbringer and how he was put in a lab…

Ohhh how his mom was losing her mind over Chuuya’s father allowing such a thing

His family kind of… grew distant and fell apart from then on

Constant arguing between his parents while he was in the lab… how his sister would cover their younger sister’s ears each time they’d argue

She’d ask where Chuuya had gone every now and then, but it was like a forbidden topic in the house

His mom would either tear up or just lash out on his sister

And his dad would yell and cuss her out, saying things like “Goddammit stop asking stupid questions! He’s fine for god’s sake!!! Be patient and he’ll be back sooner than you think!!!”

Chuuya’s dad wasn’t very happy with the decision he made either

Regretting it like crazy and losing sleep, losing focus…

And once the news broke that their one and only son was dead (aka his clone… fuck stormbringer bro…)

His family was worse than ever before.

Chuuya’s dad cried… a lot. Fell into being an alcoholic for a long time

His sisters? Despite their young age and how they couldn’t wrap their heads around the idea of death…

They were devastated. Completely had their hearts and souls shattered

But his mom… she was the worst out of them all

It broke her so much that she couldn’t even cry over her son’s death

She was left in a daze, unaware of her surroundings and just… in her own world

Though, once it registered in her mind? How she would scream and cry at odd hours of the night, begging for Chuuya…

She would push away anyone who would try to comfort her, hit them and curse them out, only wanting Chuuya

Even though Chuuya’s ‘death’ had sunk in and she understood it, she’d scream at everyone to get away from her and that ‘only Chuuya can come close to her’

S*icide attempts became a regular thing

…the amount of times Chuuya’s dad was called during work hours and just rushed home to stop his wife from taking her life…

His sister lost sleep and stopped being the top student at school because of how difficult everything had become

Their younger sister was a bit better, considering she was small

But it still hurt, she’d call Chuuya out of habit, just to remember that he was never gonna answer her calling out to him

His mom’s situation got so bad that she was hospitalized for years

And even now that the entire Nakahara family has accepted Chuuya’s ‘death’

His mom hasn’t. She’s doing a lot better than before getting hospitalized but…

She always seems to be spaced out. She doesn’t smile or laugh, and even when she does… it seems forced and it’s only for a brief moment

His mom doesn’t talk much, not to anyone

She often spends her time talking to framed pictures of Chuuya. She still cries every now and then, but tries to hide it…

And honestly? I think that Chuuya has considered going back to his family

He’s coincidentally seen his sisters and made sure they got home safely from school/work while watching from afar… then return to his own work

It scares him to go back, not only because of him putting their lives on the line for being a mafia executive

But also because he’s supposed to be ‘dead’. That’s what his family believed and has learned to live with…

So if he were to show up at his childhood home, he’d make them confused

And he can’t even imagine how they would react if he were to go back

So Chuuya just watches over them from a distance…

But maybe, just maybe one day he’ll gather up the courage and listen to the voice in his head telling him to go back

That day won’t be anytime soon, not now. He can’t go back until he’s sure the time is right for him to do so.

Until then, Chuuya just prays that they’ll stay safe and alive…

That’s when he can return to his family, his home…

[sl-newsie]

American Woman (Thomas Shelby x American OC) Ch. 4: Persuasive

“What kind of rubbish is this?”

The voice is so sharp it jolts me from a deep sleep, making me panic when I try to recognize my unfamiliar surroundings. Oh, right. I’m employed now.

“But Tommy, it’s really good!” I hear Finn complain.

“I don’t care! It’s American rubbish is what it is!” Thomas barks.

As quick as I can, I hastily throw on a robe I find in the closet and peek my head out.

“What’s going on?”

Outside, Thomas is holding the copy Common Sense I gave to Finn yesterday. They both look over and see me, then Finn starts laughing.

“Nice robe!”

Confused, I look down and inspect the robe for any unusual features only to find nothing. “What’s wrong with it?”

“That’s Tommy’s old robe.”

His words send a blush creeping across my cheeks, one that I hope goes unnoticed. “Sorry about that. I was getting dressed in a hurry. What’s all this yelling about?”

Thomas’ jaw tightens and he strides over to corner me against the wall, holding the book in my face.

“Is this yours?”

I nod stiffly. “Yes. I gave it to Finn to see if he’d like it. I’m trying to find him more interesting topics to read-”

“Well, keep your American ideas to yourself. He needs to be educated, not fed ideas of rebellion and philosophy.”

His words send anger coursing through me, waking me up from my dazed state. “Since when do you get to decide if my American ideas aren’t good enough? You may be my boss, but your aunt hired me.” I snatch the book. “If you think my resources are unworthy then take it up with her.”

In a furious rage, Thomas storms down the hall and slams the door, startling Polly who has just come from the other door.

“What’s he on about now?”

“He doesn’t want me to read American literature,” Finn whines.

“What?” Polly scoffs. “That stubborn fool. Verena, I don’t care what he says. I’m sure whatever books you suggest will be efficient.” She puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “I will talk to him. Right now, get cleaned up and ready. Your first lesson with Finn can begin after he’s finished breakfast.”

“Is Thomas always this arrogant?”

She shakes her head in defeat. “He has his mother’s common sense, but his father’s devilment. Lord knows he needs help.”

A thought pops into my head.

“Before Finn’s lesson, I might wish to do some reading or sit in prayer. There wouldn't happen to be a church or chapel here? Or just some quiet place where I could clear my head?”

Polly’s eyes light up. “I’ve got just the palace for you.”

It really is a beautiful church. Not too big, but still grand and modest at the same time. I’m not Catholic but the welcoming atmosphere is refreshing compared to the ugly world outside-

“Oh.” I’m startled to see I’m not the only one here. “Fancy seeing you here,” I speak up.

Thomas doesn’t turn to face me. “Did Polly send you here to reprehend me? Scold me for being too forbidding of your culture?” He says in a darkly taunting voice.

“Actually, no. She said she’d stop by later to give you a personal chat about something important. I’m here to pray.”

Tommy doesn’t argue and allows me to sit in the pew across from him, staying quiet and pulling out a cigarette.

“Those things will kill you, you know. My father smokes too, but I was never a fan of it. Doctors may not agree yet, but I say that smoking only increases the risk of lung failure. Plus, the smell can be unbearable. Especially to children.”

“Are you here to preach or pray, love?” Thomas complains.

I keep my mouth shut and close my eyes for prayer, silently hoping that my family will send for me. I ask for blessings on the entire Shelby family for helping me, even if some of them can be very unlikable at times. 

I’m amazed that Thomas never interrupts me. If anything, it’s as if he’s tried to not make a sound at all since I’ve started. When I finish I see he’s lost in thought, so I quietly stand up and walk down the pews to give him privacy-

“You hate it here, don’t you?” Thomas stops me in my tracks. “That’s what you prayed for, eh? For your family to come get you or for some dashing bloke to come rescue you from this Hell hole? Say what you want about us, but this is our home.”

After taking a calming breath, I pivot and walk back to stand across from him. “Are you always this gallant of yourself? Always assuming everyone is against you?” I put my hands on my hips and look up to face his icy eyes. “Yes, I do wish to leave here. Call it sappy, but I’m homesick! Imagine going from being on vacation to being stranded somewhere alone where the town is like a demilitarized zone and the people are snakes!”

Thomas holds up his hands. “Whoa, whoa! We’re not all snakes.” He leans in and snickers. “It’s the coppers who are the snakes.”

I roll my eyes. “You can be unbearably arrogant. I imagine you’ve got all of Small Heath wrapped around your little finger, don’t you?”

“I can be very persuasive.”

“If you say so,” I shrug and walk back to the door.

“Where are you off to now?” Thomas calls.

“Off to teach Finn’s lesson before you can persuade me to go jump in the river.”

The lesson was a success. Ever since Finn got to read my ‘contrabanned’ books he’s been all but willing to learn. He definitely has his brothers’ ambition and attitude. Polly came in a few times to check up on us and seemed pleased. Even Thomas popped in once to “fetch some cigarettes,” but still couldn’t hide his interest when I began lecturing about macroeconomics.

“How do you know so much about finance?” He outright asks.

Haha, funny story. The truth is that my Uncle Colon liked me best out of all my brothers, and therefore spent extra time with me teaching about the family business. Not my father’s brewery, but the unofficial mob business. I can’t exactly come right out and say “It’s because my family’s in the mafia,” so I decide to do a small white lie.

“I read a lot, so I pick things up here and there.” Not a complete lie.

Tommy arches a brow but appears convinced and walks off down the hall. Once he’s gone, Finn looks at me with a mischievous grin.

“What?” I ask.

“Oh, nothing.” Finn goes back to reading. “I’ve never seen Tommy interested in books until you showed up.”

“You didn’t like them either,” I try to re-route the conversation.

Finn just shrugs and keeps reading, leaving me to ponder over what he just said. I don’t know Thomas well enough, but is Finn right? Has me being here made him start acting differently? He doesn’t take me as someone who gets emotionally attached to people. From what I can gather, he’s incredibly cold and forbidding, making me wonder if he’s capable of any emotion other than anger and pride. I push the thought aside and continue making notes for the week’s lesson plan.

Later that night I help make bread despite Polly’s bickering about me “being a house guest.” The only one missing is Ada, but no one seems to notice. All the while Thomas keeps whispering to his brothers, who are all looking back and forth at me as if I’m a painting on the wall. After everyone’s eaten they all go their separate ways, and once again I retreat to my room for some light reading before bed. Turns out it goes much faster than I plan because then next time I check the clock it’s one in the morning.

Click!

I look up from the page I’m reading, alerted by a noise coming from the hallway. “What on Earth…?”

Quietly, I creep to the door and open it a crack to see a woman’s silhouette creeping in from the back door. It’s Ada. Sneaking in during the late night hours? Suspicious…

Opening the door wider, she freezes at the sound of the creaking wood.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you look as though you’ve got something to hide.”

She turns around slowly, then relaxes when she sees it’s me. “You Americans always this blunt and cocky?”

I tilt my head. “When we want to be. I’ve been taking a lesson from your brothers about being cocky. But I’m not the one keeping secrets, Ada. I’m not a Shebly. You answer to Polly, not me.”

My response surprises her because she smiles and shakes her head. “I never said I’d say anything.”

I shrug. “You didn’t. But that won’t stop your consciousness overwhelming you with guilt.”

This takes a few moments to completely wash over her. Ada keeps staring at me with an indescribable face, then slowly starts to walk past me towards her own room.

“Wow. American and a philosopher. Polly must be proud of your strong moral compass.”

Wait. She’s offended by this? “Ada, I’m not trying to offend you. Heck, I just promised to keep my mouth shut about your late return! Why are you mad?”

Ada gets to her door and stops to look me dead in the eyes. “Maybe it’s because an outsider is allowed into our house without question? Hm? You’re a stranger from America, we don’t know who you or your family are, and Polly just lets you in like you’re a stray dog.”

Her words keep firing at me like a conversational battle. “I’m not playing into your family’s kindness to gain anything. I was offered housing and employment, so I accepted it. Yes, I know I’m an outsider. So I say again: if you have a problem, take it up with Polly.” I throw my arms up to end the chat and stride back to my room, but not before I hear:

“I’m sorry. I guess it’s not just the Americans who are stubborn.”

Without turning my head, I answer: “Stereotypes are ways to dig yourself into a hole of assumptions. Goodnight, Ms. Shelby.”

[lauralot89]

In the afternoon Mr. Renfield asked if he might see me. Poor man, he was very gentle, and when I came away he kissed my hand and bade God bless me.

Renfield is currently the only member of the cast who's not an idiot. Mina sort of gets a pass because vampire influence, but apparently the whole Crew of Light shared one brain cell and Lucy took it to the grave

I hope I have not done wrong

you have, sweetie

She looked heavy and sleepy and pale, and far from well.

Jonathan. Jonathan please. You are the only living member left of the conspiracy who was up close and personal with a vampire. SEE THE SIGNS.

Everyone noticing that something's wrong with Mina and brushing it off is giving major Revenge of the Sith vibes when Mace Windu is all "I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi" and then does nothing about it

An interview with a surly gatekeeper and a surlier foreman, both of whom were appeased with the coin of the realm

I know that Dracula is a novel about the power of friendship and research, but it's also about the power of bribery

"There was the old party what engaged me a-waitin' in the 'ouse at Purfleet. He 'elped me to lift the boxes and put them in the dray. Curse me, but he was the strongest chap I ever struck, an' him a old feller, with a white moustache, one that thin you would think he couldn't throw a shadder."

why does the thought of Dracula engaged in menial labor still amuse me so when he's been doing it through the whole book

something about mundane vampires just gets me

You know

Dracula could have just eaten the deliverymen like the day after they finished their jobs for him and then he wouldn't have left this obvious trail. Or transported the boxes himself. Or gone into the offices of the men he hired and compelled them to destroy the records. But Dracula doesn't have any brain cells either.

"Pardon me," I said, with equal politeness, "but I have a special reason for wishing to know who purchased it."

Jonathan you are a solicitor, you have to know better than to think they'll just tell you outright

This was manifestly a prig of the first water, and there was no use arguing with him.

Jonathan honey, I love you, and I support you, but why would this person tell a complete stranger who they sold a house to

I got a cup of tea at the Aërated Bread Company

what in the hell is aerated bread

Thank God, the ceasing of telling things has made no difference between us.

so I read yesterday's update to my mom last night and she kept yelling "SO STUPID" at the characters and that is how I feel right now.

agency duck

this is how I'm going to refer to real estate agents from now on

The old physicians took account of things which their followers do not accept, and the Professor is searching for witch and demon cures which may be useful to us later.

can you imagine if instead of killing Dracula to save Mina, they had to cure him? like what even happens at that point? would his human soul regain its power and be thankful, or was he just the worst even before he went vamp and now they have to deal with him using his vast fortune to bury them all in petty legal disputes for the rest of his life as revenge

I sometimes think we must be all mad

no, dear, you're just very very stupid

The attendant came bursting into my room and told me that Renfield had somehow met with some accident. He had heard him yell; and when he went to him found him lying on his face on the floor, all covered with blood. I must go at once….

GREAT WORK DOCTOR

also I forgot but yesterday's update mentioned Renfield singing gaily so to keep my word I must do it again

Pour one out for Renfield, the only character who still has a brain

[leooooooo23]

GHOST

Genre : angst, happy ending (?), major character death, pregnancy, depression, no part two (?)

Words : 1121

Not proofread.

“Y/n? She’s waking up! Hun, call the doctor!” I wince hearing my mothers yells.

“Ma?” I slowly open my eyes, my head throbbing with pain. “Where am I?” I look around, slowly adjusting to the light. “Where’s Soobin?”

I look to my mother who had tears welling up in her eyes. Huh? Why is she like that?

“Hunny..” She covered her mouth when sob a came out of her, she took my hands and started softly caressing them. “I love you so much you know?” I smiled, nodding. “I could tell Soobin did too..” Huh? What does she mean, “Did?” “I’m sorry baby…”

.

.

.

“Since the love that you left is all that I get.” “I want you to know that,”

“Bin!” I yelled as I felt soobin lift me up from the sand that I was laying on and put me on his shoulder, “What are you doing?” I punch his back. “Put me down!”

Soobin shook his head as he walked towards the ocean whilst carrying me. “We’re at the beach, you have to go swimming instead of just laying there all day!”

I huffed as i felt my body touch the water. “Put me down! Right this instant!” Soobin laughed whilst nodding. “Whatever you say, princess.”

Soobin laughed as he dropped me onto the ocean, i gasp at the coldness of the water. “Soobin!” I yelled, getting up and slowly stalking my way towards him.

He smiled cheekily at me, before splashing me with water.

…

I stop momentarily, before sprinting towards him. He starts running away from me in fright, “I’m sorry! Please!” He yells.

“Nuh-uh! Get back here Choi Soobin!”

.

.

.

“If I can’t be close to you. I’ll settle for the ghost of you.”

“If it’s a boy? What should we name him?” I ask Soobin, as I cuddled up to him on the bed.

He hums softly. “Soobin JR?” I let out a soft laugh at which he looks at me offendedly, “What? You think I’m not serious?” He pouts.

I look up at him, eyes gazing up at him endearingly. “Okay, sure, whatever you want, my love.” I say, pecking his lips.

He blushes and smiles down at me, showing his bunny like teeth. “I hope our children look like you, and are just as smart as you.”

“What if I want them to look like you?” I tease, Soobin nods his head, “Okay, sure, whatever you want, my love.”

.

.

.

“I miss you more than life.”

Beautiful. Absolutely stunning. I think to myself, whilst staring at Y/n’s face. We were star gazing now. Right outside the beach house her parents owned, and the place we’ve been staying at for a few days now.

“What?” She asks, looking at me.

Ah. Shes caught me. I smile at her softly, “Just looking at my future wife, you know?” I say, smugly, noticing the way her ears slowly turn red at hearing my words.

“Soobin-ah…” She whispers shyly, “Do you want to marry me?”

Its my turn to blush now. “I think that’s my line.” I reach out into my pocket and take out the small velvet box. She gasps seeing it.

I get up and slowly get on one knee in front of her. “Will you make me the happiest man on earth and marry me?” Tears well up in her eyes, nodding enthusiastically.

“Yes! A thousand times yes!”

“If there’s a moment I want to remember forever, it’d be this!” I yell out, putting arms around her waist, spinning her around, “i could die a happy man now because of you Y/n L/n!”

.

.

.

“And if you cant be next to me,”

“I cant believe we’re getting married!” I let out a giggle as Soobin drives the car. “Mom and dad aren’t gonna believe it!”

“About that,” Soobin starts, “I asked them for their blessing first.” He looks at me for a few seconds, smiling brightly.

“No way! My mom agreed?” I clap my hands. My mom never liked Soobin because he wasn’t from a rich family, so I wonder how he got her to agree..

“It wasn’t easy, but for you I’ll do anything.” He says, looking towards the road. “I love you.” He chuckles. I smile at him. “I love you-“

.

.

.

“Your memory is ecstasy.”

The doors open revealing the cold, dark, lonely morgue where Soobin rests. I walk towards him slowly, my mother behind me, watching me with a sad gaze.

I touch his cold face, softly caressing it. “You must be cold..” I say softly, tears falling down my face. “Ma, he doesn’t like the cold.”

I turn towards my mother, who looked at me with pity and tears in her eyes. “We need to get him out of here, its cold and lonely!” I yell, tears pouring down my face.

“Baby..” My mother walks towards me, hugging my form. “You need to say your goodbyes..”

Goodbyes? “Ma.. please, give him back go me,” I sob into her arms, “God, please give him back to me!”

I feel another person engulf my body with a hug. I turn around, hoping its him. “Baby, he’s gone.” My father says calmly, hugging me more tightly.

“No!” I sob, “No! No! No!” I yell out, “Get up, Soobin, Get up!” I looked at his unmoving form.

.

.

.

“You need to eat.” Yeonjun sighs, kneeling down the floor, putting the plate down onto my bed. He looks at me with sadness in his eyes. “Please Y/n…”

I stare past him and look at the window outside. Why is it so bright and sunny? Does the Gods not feel any sadness not that he’s gone? Does any of them not take pity on me?

I feel him touch my hand, squeezing it. “Its been 2 days, you need to eat to get better-“

“Close the curtains.” I say, sitting up slowly. Yeonjun looks towards one of the maids, they immediately shut it.

I stare at the plate on my bed, “Are you gonna eat?” I shake my head, getting up from the bed. Yeonjun sighs, staring at my figure as I try to stand up.

I rip out the syringe in my arm, “Y/n! Are you insane?” I hear Yeonjun yell, holding my arms tightly.

“Where is he?” I let out weakly.

Tears well up in Yeonjuns eyes staring at mine. “Please, let me see him.”

.

.

.

I walk into the funeral hall, all eyes set on me. I hear whispers, but I couldn’t care less about them.

I stop in my tracks as I hear sobs and yells. I look towards the sound.

…

Its Soobins mother. I could tell she was beyond exhausted and longed for her son. Just like me.

“My son!” She sobs, “Give me back my son! Please!” I see Soobins father next to her, unmoving. Just tears running down his face.

“Are you sure you want to be here?” Yeonjun softly asks beside me.

I look at the sight of Soobin’s parents for a few moments before turning in my heels.

.

.

.

“I miss you more than life.”

“Soobinnie..” I softly call out, “Come on, we’re gonna go visit your dad!”

“Okay, mama!” I hear him yell out from his room. I chuckle hearing the sound of soft foot steps going down the stairs.

“Do I look nice?” He asks with a giggle. I turn around seeing him covered in fashionable clothing.

I clap my hands together as he poses, waiting for my approval. “Aigoo, my son is so handsome!” I walk towards him, squeezing his cheeks. “Come on, lets get into the car.”

He nods, taking my hand and leading me into the car.

.

.

.

“I miss you more than life.”

I hold onto the flowers i brought with me, whilst walking towards the place he rests. Our son runs around, looking for his head stone before coming to a stop. “Here mommy!” He yells.

I chuckle watching him as he waves his arms up in the air. “Okay, okay”

I walk towards Soobin, before crouching down, and putting the flowers down. “Hello, my love. I’m sorry I havent been visiting as often.”

[larryrickard]

trauma from performing cpr

i don't even know if i want to post this here, but whatever. i'm trying to talk about it to bring awareness and to process shit. i'm finding surprisingly little about this. it's also been a hell of a fucking week and i'm worried for my own health tbh. i've written shorter versions of this on fb & ig but i should probably get ALL of it out and well hello tumblr, you have the room for it and are technically a blogging site. so here we go. if you read all of this, bless.

thursday 07/11, my stepdad (R) feels unwell and my mom, as symptoms begin to stack up, suspects a heart attack and takes him to the hospital. he is indeed having a heart attack. he never lost consciousness. he's transferred to another hospital and has two stents placed.

sunday, 07/14, he comes home.

friday evening, 07/19, one of the stents fails (we won't know this until later). he immediately lost consciousness. i overhear my mom ask if he's ok, if it hurts, and "i'm calling 911". she yells for me. i go downstairs to hear her telling 911 that he's not breathing properly, she can't tell if he has a pulse, and that he's turning purple. my brain immediately goes into overdrive. all i can think about is how we need to perform cpr (my mom panicked and hadn't even thought of that and this upset her. i pointed out that it's understandable, and the 911 operator would have gotten her there, i probably only just beat them to it). i run to unlock the door for emergency services and when i come back, we manage to get him out of his chair and i start cpr (more about that later). my mom eventually had to take over. thankfully shortly after that, EMTs/fire arrive. at one point my mom counted nine of them, plus the two cops who showed up. they work on him for what i initially thought was like 30 minutes but was more like an hour. they finally get him stable enough to be able to transport him to the nearest hospital with a cath lab and availability.

between here at the house and at the hospital, they'd shocked him at least eight times. he was very unwell. i stayed behind, as did three EMTs. i figured they'd just collect sharps/biohazard stuff and be on their way. i was fully expecting to clean the rest up myself, and to put back all the furniture we'd moved (getting him out of his chair, moving stuff out of the way so it was easier to get him out on the stretcher). but no, they grabbed everything they could, and put the furniture back. i knew, if i were them, i'd have done the same thing and not thought anything of it. but it was just such a small gesture that really got to me and meant so much.

i'd called his sister (N) and my mom's sister (B). so my mom at least had B, N and her husband (R2), and one of their daughters (N2), who is a nurse. (wildly, my mom's niece (B2) is also a nurse and they attempted to call her in to help but she said no, that was her uncle, and obviously was immediately disqualified from the rotation.) he's so unwell that N tells my mom that if she wants to take R off life support, it's her decision and N fully supports her. shortly after, one of the doctors comes out and says R has improved slightly and said he was following instructions. we (doctors + family) had been worried the lack of consistent blood/oxygen flow would have left him with severe brain damage and/or damaged organs/extremities.

my mom (and N2?) go to see him. she talked to him, and he would try to pull out his ETT (breathing) tube. my mom would gently guide his hand down, and tell him no, that it's okay, just try to breathe normally, don't fight it. at that point he got tears in his eyes. eventually, B, N & R2, and N2 made my mom go home to try and get some sort of rest.

saturday, 07/20 at 3:30am, the doctor calls to say R is stable but obviously in v critical condition. they have some sort of pump on him to help his heart, but it's too small for his height/weight, so they want to put a larger one on him. they're going to transfer him to another hospital who has one.

my mom and i manage to get a few hours of sleep. my mom and i talk some in the AM. we have no idea if he's going to get any better. and if he does, we have no idea who he is going to be if he does. i ask if he has a living will, and my mom didn't think so. we talk about how, knowing him, he probably wouldn't want to be kept alive if there'd be no good quality of life. she was thinking she'd tell the doctors not to save him if he codes again. out of curiosity, she goes looking for his will and finds he has a living will (that's like 15 years old so no wonder she forgot), which confirms what we were thinking. that removes any doubt my mom might have had should she do those things. she later felt bad that she'd allowed him to be saved at all at the hospital (the heart pump thing) and i told her what did she think R would have done if it was her. or any other pair of loved ones. immediately go looking for a living will, or follow them to the hospital and ask that they be saved? of course it's going to be the latter.

a doctor calls and talks about wanting to try to get R onto ecmo, so that his heart can have a rest. the right side of his heart was now damaged as well, and the doctor was hoping that if they could do this procedure for at least 3-5 days, his heart might get precious rest and it'll profuse blood through all his body instead of the smaller pump that couldn't fully do that. it would also give them an opportunity to see if there was any organ damage. they might even know sooner than that.

they had to sedate him because he kept trying to pull out the tubes again. given that he was still following instructions and seemed to have heard her the day before, my mom had a hard time trying to decide whether or not to do the procedure and how best to honor his wishes. we decided to go ahead and give this a try. it'll give us answers, and we can go from there. we'd only be keeping him to see if there really is anything TO be kept. my mom tells the doctors if he codes again to withhold life-saving measures.

my mom and B go to see him. i didn't want to see him like that. especially after having to see him like i did the day before, and the trauma i'd experienced (again, more on that later).

my mom and B come home around 3:30pm. obviously, this is not a good sign. i know it has to mean he's gone. they confirm he is. that they tried to get him onto ecmo, but his heart started going crazy. the doctors believed so much that ecmo could help, that they performed some cpr to try and get him onto the machine. after several minutes, they stopped.

as with many deaths, it didn't feel real. he was feeling fine. there were no symptoms that something was wrong. he was just... out, and then there was a sliver of a sliver of hope that i was doing my very best to not think about (though i did have the thought of telling him he owed me, for the cpr, as a joke).

before he died, one of the doctors told my mom that we saved his life. if we hadn't performed cpr, EMTs would have had nothing to work with. that even if he didn't survive this, we gave him the chance TO survive it. this took a huge weight off my shoulders. i literally felt lighter. various people i talked to about it called me amazing. brave. badass. someone even said i was "heroic". that's not how i feel. i'm fucking traumatised. even over a week later. thankfully, i knew, going into cpr, that breaking ribs was a big probability. i'm glad my brain reminded me of that beforehand and not as i did it. i've also since learned usually it's more like separating cartilage from the sternum, but going by the sounds, and the feeling... at least one rib was broken. most likely multiple. also possibly just reinjuring one. it was horrible. i obviously kept going because i know a sore chest is better than being dead. he occasionally gasped for breath, which in the moment was comforting because it meant i was doing it right. but the whole thing will not leave my mind.

cpr is as exhausting as they say it is, but thankfully adrenaline helps with that. i had to stop and let my mom step in. i literally fell over and almost fainted, i was so woozy. i hadn't been paying attention to my own breathing. probably not enough and probably breathing too quickly. i was sore as fuck for about two days.

i called a crisis line that night in order to get help until i could see my psychiatrist. i needed something to help me with the thoughts. immediately after EMTs/fire arrived and took over CPR i literally thought "i hope i don't get ptsd from this" lol.

(i will say, i did get to see a lucas device in action. these are amazing machines that perform chest compressions for the EMTs to free them up to do other important life-saving techniques, as well as save them from the exhaustion. it's also more accurate than a human. seriously, look them up.)

the crisis line gave me the advice of: let the thoughts happen. they're obviously going to. it's me and my brain's way of processing everything. but, to then let them go. i asked what did they mean by this. they said think of something else, distract myself. don't focus on the thoughts or let myself spiral. easier said than done, obviously, but it did give me some sense of control. i couldn't control those thoughts, but i could do my very best to control the next one.

the day R collapsed, five hours before that i'd had a regular appt with my psychiatrist and told her what had happened and that he was doing fine. lol. thankfully, i was able to see her on monday 07/22. then...

that night, around 9:30 my mom called me downstairs to tell me she was feeling dizzy and that her blood pressure kept going up. she'd taken baby aspirin. she had me get her blood pressure medication so she could take it a few hours early. i made her drink some water because she hadn't had very much, and had coffee that morning (which dehydrates you), and figured she was just dehydrated but what with everything that R had gone through, we were both hyper-aware of possible signs, and wanted to be sure. so i took her to the hospital. her EKG came back fine but they did blood work, and some protein or enzyme or whatever that the heart releases when it's stressed (such as in a heart attack) was elevated so they had her hang out in a room for a bit. they tested her for stroke just in case, as well as took her for a CT. her echocardiogram was fine. they decided to admit her, bc while that protein/enzyme was coming down, it was too high for their liking. they scheduled an MRI for the morning. i went home around 1am.

tuesday, 07/23, about 2am she called to tell me they were transferring her to another hospital that had better capabilities in terms of heart health. again, her EKGs came back fine, they did an angiogram and there's no blockages whatsoever. they suspected a slight heart attack from all the stress, but in the end (and after another echocardiogram), they declared her to be fine. broken heart syndrome. the heart was stressed and therefore tight, so they've given her meds to help relax the heart muscles so it can rest. she came home wendesday 07/24.

needless to say, i'm stressed as fuck. my psychiatrist sent in an rx for anxiety meds i hadn't needed in like 7 years. i was doing better until the whole thing with my mom. how the fuck it's been a week since R died i have no idea. thankfully i could take bereavement from work this week, and my boss is giving me monday off as well just to give me an extra day bc the added shit with my mom. i've also asked if i could be assigned to one of our service desks where it's easier to step away than the other two (unless the one has two of us at a time, which doesn't always happen). she's got that set up for me. i also have a follow-up with my psychiatrist on thursday. i was going to ask for leave long enough to meet via telehealth as usual but i forgot there's a staff meeting that day so my shift is scheduled earlier. she's booked our meeting room for me to use, and made sure the desk i'm on has someone else schedule on it at the same time so i can make sure i'm not late.

i'm worried about my own heart. even though my HR has come down while medicated, it was at/over 100bpm for about two days, then around 90 with meds, and then back to 100 with my mom. finally came back down to 90s, and with meds it's been around 80bpm which is at least close to normal. thankfully, when i'm asleep it's in the 60s like it should be. saturday evening it was more around 70s which is so much better. but i am also overweight. my cholesterol is occasionally slightly high, but not high enough for them to be worried at all, and my LDL is generally pretty good. i just worry that my heart is doing the same thing my mom's did. and, of course, worrying about all that does not help my HR.

anyway. i didn't have high opinions of the man, as he was ultraconservative (at least he hated trump...), which is why i've never been able to be out to my parents as queer (not-straight and nonbinary). but he has been in my life since i was 8 (i'm 41 now). i obviously had some love for the man. and i feel bad bc while it hit me that he was probably going to die, now that he's gone it's still just more of a disbelief that he's not going to be around anymore. that he's just. not here anymore.

and, all of that being said, do not let my trauma dissuade you from performing cpr. it's one of the most important life-saving techniques we have. get trained, even if just once. refresh yourself occasionally, keep up with any updates to it. for example, hands-only CPR is trained more now than including mouth to mouth. my two(?) trainings didn't prepare me for the broken ribs thing, they never mentioned it. thankfully, from what people are telling me, it is included in the training now. some training covers the guilt people might have if (when) that happens. but i just wish there was mention that you might need help afterward, especially if you have to perform cpr on someone you know. (the AHA finally recognised this ONLY TWO YEARS AGO.) maybe share some resources to help you. apparently some larger hospitals have support groups for this. also, to talk about it. even if you don't have a professional, just talking about it to people helps. and reduces the chances of ptsd. that these feelings do happen. unless you're in the medical field, your chances of having to perform cpr are very slim. actually saving a life is, unfortunately, even rarer (1 in 10 apparently). but YOU could be that person. you could save someone. you could give someone the opportunity to survive, the possibility of a second chance at life.

while this is a less-than-once-in-a-lifetime situation for a layperson, and i wouldn't wish performing cpr on anyone, PLEASE, attend training at least once and regularly refresh yourself. if you're employed or in school, you might be able to attend a training for free.

trauma aside for a moment. it's fucking wild knowing i saved a life, even though it didn't work out in the end. it's a strange feeling. i've been told i should be proud of myself. maybe i'll get there some day. idk.

[anotherrosesthatfell]

╰┈➤ blessings

This story will explain why Angst is strong 💀. Yes it's canon in original e.l.a-

"What's wrong with my baby...?" Killer wondered as she poked Angst cheek.

Angst didn't cry slightest a bit unlike Crescent who is still crying.

"The damn man won't even call the doctor to check on you..." she sighed and hold both Angst an Crescent on her arms.

Crescent was still crying until Angst poke his brother forehead. He immediately went to sleep which surprised Killer. That saved her a lot energy.

"Awe, did you help your brother, Angst? You're so sweet." she chuckles. "I am bit tired now... Let's go to sleep baby." Killer pat Angst back.

Angst is very quiet for a baby while Crescent is very loud one. No one actually realised these two saw lurking spirits. For Crescent, he saw them as scary shadow but for Angst, those spirits have their normal looks.

"My little sister is asleep now..." a spirit sat next to Killer and pat her hair.

That's her older brother, Dawa. The one she killed out of insanity.

"Oh my... Could you see me?" He is surprised by the fact Angst was staring at him all the time. "This is a miracle...!"

"More like a curse." Quetzalcoatl appeared next to him and glared at Angst. "Unfortunately, he look so much like that bastard traitor."

"oh don't speak to my nephew in such way..." Dawa frowned. "My nephew is so sweet but I'm afraid he is ill. He didn't cry after he was born."

"Does it look like it's my problem?" the ex king rolled his eyes.

"Well—"

"I heard that child can see us." Nim spoke out and took Angst from Killer arms. "interesting, I shall bless this little one!"

"First of the all... How in the bloody hell you're here?" Quetzalcoatl glares at Nim. "and don't touch the child with your filthy hands!" He took Angst away from Nim.

"H-hey, let's not fight when my sister and other nephew are sleeping—"

"shut up Dawa. Get out don't interfere in royalty discussion." Quetzalcoatl warn Dawa.

Dawa hesitated but Quetzalcoatl already forced him to get out from the room.

"Wow, you're rude much after death." Nim scoffed.

"None of this wouldn't happen if you didn't kill Frieda parents." Said Quetzalcoatl as he gently put Angst on his crib.

"Correction, none of this wouldn't happen if you listen to me in first place. I didn't abuse her or whatever, she is blinded by revenge and killed all of us including you, her godfather." Nim snickered at him. "Everything would be just fine if those rotten apples are obedient."

"Tch, you are just talking lies. Why would I even bother to talk to you after you murdered my brother."

"Oh please, are you seriously bringing that up again? That's like years ago!" Nim yelled at him.

"Oh yeah? Thanks to you, my nephew live a miserable life and is in deep slumber. Only Gods know how long he will sleep!" Quetzalcoatl glares at Nim.

"Hey, let's not fight!" Lanny appeared from the thin air and stop the fight by stood between Nim and Quetzalcoatl. "The gods won't like us to fight or else we won't be given a chance to join heaven." Lanny sighed. "And I said this not because I am defending Nim. At least I want all of us to rest in peace."

"That's dumb." said Nim

"really dumb." Quetzalcoatl also agree with Nim.

"oh come on!!!!" Lanny got annoyed by her two friends.

After a while of trying to get along, Nim went back to Angst. She carry him and say,

"Let's give this child blessings. It has been a while since we done that." Said Nim.

"Since when you care about giving babies blessings. You don't even blessed your own son." Quetzalcoatl will never stop bringing up the past.

"Quetzalcoatl, calm down. Maybe Nim miss how close we are. You remember how the three of us blessed children in each nations." Lanny smiles at Quetzalcoatl, she's trying to ease the atmosphere.

"No I don't miss doing with you guys. I miss how powerful I was when blessings those rotten apples." Replied Nim.

"See? She still the same." Groaned Quetzalcoatl.

Lanny doesn't know how she befriended someone like Nim. She also doesn't know how she manage to stay friends with those two.

Nim place her forehead close to Angst. She then whispers a blessing,

"I bless you to have the perseverance and bravery. May God of moon guide you to a flowery path."

Nim proudly blessed Angst and kissed his cheek, having her bless to be transformed in him.

"Sheesh you should've blessed Nightmare like that." Quetzalcoatl snatch Angst away from her arms.

Next to Quetzalcoatl, he is thinking what kind of blessing he should give. He hold Angst's tiny baby hand and whispers,

"I bless you with the heart of valiant. May God of war guide you to be a goodwill soldier."

His blessing transformed in Angst too. He then say, "Okay Lanny, your turn." Said Quetzalcoatl.

"Me too? Are we really going to give our blessings to just this one child? Don't you remember what happened if we do that?" Lanny doesn't like the idea of giving one person multiple blessings.

"I do remember very well. The child we blessed in the past gone crazy and witches appeared be of us." Nim laughed it off.

"Yeah exactly, so let's not—"

"Oh come on Lanny. Nothing bad will happen. This is a boy, not a girl. So he won't be an evil witch." Said Quetzalcoatl.

"I don't believe your statement." Lanny sighed. "Two blessings are enough. This child might go emotionless as he grows." Said Lanny.

"But wouldn't that be better? Look at his father, the traitor who killed all of us. I bet he will abuse his own children and wife." Said Nim. "What we can do is giving this special boy our blessings and he surely will help. He don't have to cry or feel any pains!"

"I agree with Nim. Wouldn't it better for us to help this boy?" said Quetzalcoatl.

"... I seriously hate when you two teaming up." Lanny sighed as she gently took Angst and carry him on her arms. "Okay baby, I'll bless you."

Lanny whispers,

"I bless you with powerful magics and abilities. May God of magic guide you to beautiful future..."

Lanny then put the baby back on the crib.

"Okay that's enough. If something go wrong, I won't be taking the responsibility to take care of him." Said Lanny. "I just hope he makes it to 10 years old."

"Alright alright, if he don't then I'll gladly let him stay by my side." Said Nim.

[fledglingmaster]

I'm not at 100% but I am on the mend. I drone on under the cut. I mean I really do. If you read thank you, if not it helps just to get everything out. My dental care the past year has been seriously traumatic.

I had an inflamed tooth that was extracted yesterday. After needing to be extracted for a week. I have medication for pain and infection. Though opioids never seem to help much. Last night I was able to get some sleep and I can chew again. My body has a lot to repair still.

This experience was a blessing in disguise, as odd as it may sound. For those who don't know, I am disabled. Sadly not in the legal sense. I can't get government support, yet I can't work a steady job because of my conditions. To put it plainly, I'm broke and must take what is given. I was without health insurance for a few years before I got medicaid. Medicaid does provide dental care, that is if you can find someone that takes it and is accepting new clients. It took over a year to find someone that was willing to take me on.

My current dentist has been a nightmare. The receptionist is obviously someone who has never struggled with money or her health. The queen bee type even though she must be in her 40s, low-key Karen. She treats everyone as if they are stupid and is extremely judgemental. Though not a major problem, dealing with her reminds me of all the girls that bullied me in my school years. That's still a sore spot for me.

The dental assistant can't take a proper x-ray. I'm not exaggerating when I say every x-ray needs at least 4 attempts. One time it took 7 tries. There is a major communication issue. I spent 15 minutes on the phone with her explaining that my filling fell out and that I can see the hole in my tooth. I don't know what she wrote down but no one knew I was coming in to have a filling redone. She is the go between for the front desk and the doctor and no one knows what's really going on. Every time I have work done she about waterboards me. She also is out of synch with the doctor. The doctor has to prompt her and even then sometimes she doesn't do what she needs to. They usually fight with each other. She is a nice person, but I feel she isn't qualified to do what she's doing.

The doctor is...something. When she isn't doing work on me she is okay and listens to me. When she's doing work she's no non-sense, which I respect, but it doesn't help my anxiety. She tells me to not fight her and to keep my head still. (I'm sorry, I can't breathe and I'm trying to not die but okay. Besides I barely moved, but now you can't see what you're doing because this place is lit worse than Dracula's castle.) She has me bend my neck back in an unnatural position that makes it difficult to breathe. I'm getting blasted with water going down my throat. I'm not completely numbed out, yet I get trigeminal neuralgia that I have to deal with for a week. (That has happened twice.) My tongue will be cut and/or burnt. I've had my lip and chin sliced as well. The entire time I feel like she's either going to yell at me or give up and say, "I can't work on you." I'm good at reading people and I can sense her frustration.

As mentioned, the lighting in there is terrible. The overhead light isn't adjustable or very bright. The chair doesn't allow for the head to gently fall back, hence the awkward pinch neck/pinned back head position that you have to hold. They don't let me see my x-rays or explain things in layman's terms. I haven't memorized teeth numbers as I didn't know that was a skill I needed. They can't seem to say 1st molar on the bottom left, just tooth 19 and I'm supposed to know which one that is. Communication over all is poor. They don't offer a print out of treatment plans so I can just figure it out myself. Their x-rays can't tell them if I need a root canal done on teeth or not. Which reminds me, they don't do root canals because they don't have the machine. They're impossible to get a hold of, they literally don't answer the phone. You have to leave a message and wait for them to get back to you. They don't have an emergency line meanwhile they are closed friday-sunday. Every time I go there I leave feeling stupid, worthless, and ugly. But, they're the only place I can go to for free and I have a lot of dental issues. End background origin.

So less than a year ago I had a filling done. It never sat right, it was overfilled, it hurt, eventually there was a gap, in Dec it fell out, 1 out of 10 bad. They had to redo it and made it sound like it was my fault it fell out. As they worked on me the tool broke. It was an interchangeable part but the new piece didn't fit. So they had to try to get the old one to work again, which they did. But if they couldn't get it working I guess I would just have to deal with an even bigger hole in my tooth for who knows how long. They told me if the pain lasts longer than 2 weeks to tell them. 2 weeks go by and I'm feeling pretty good. Slight soreness, but for a deep filling seems okay. 2 weeks and 3 days later, oh this actually hurts...but it is a major filling, the other one was like this and the pain went away after a few additional weeks. I thought it was part of the healing process as I've heard deep fillings take longer to heal and can be more painful than small ones. A couple more days, holy shit this pain is bad! I need my tooth pulled! I call and get no response, I email and get nothing, I even showed up in person and they were closed. Which is why I didn't get a response. It was during business hours on thursday. They're going to be closed all weekend. I considered going to the ER, but there isn't much they can do besides pain meds while there and antibiotics. I'm in the worst pain of my life. (This is coming from someone who walked on a broken foot for a month before finally admitting to myself it was broke and I should get medical help. I know pain.) Not only that I am worried about infection.

My mom gets and pays for my appointment at a local dentist for the following day as they do emergency appointments even for new clients. They happen to be running a deal this month and the cost ends up $19 for a full consult and extensive x-rays. Which they want to do before doing any work, understandable. Everyone there is pleasant, there's zero judgement. The place is well lit, too bright for me but absolutely needed for them. There is laughing and jokes between the staff. I get my x-rays first. None of them had to be redone. They also can tell which teeth need root canals. Everyone there listened to me and was sympathetic. When I told them my dentist didn't do root canals they were shocked. They showed me my x-rays and explained exactly what was going on with all of my teeth using layman's terms. They gave me multiple options far as saving teeth vs extractions. I told them with how much work was done on the one tooth and how much it hurt, I just wanted it gone. I was reassured that missing one tooth shouldn't cause me problems and all my bottom teeth looked good. They didn't mention how they were overcrowded, just they were healthy. They talked about my top teeth...yeah a lot of work still on those. But they can give me my smile back. I had a couple accidents which have cost me 2 teeth already, a baby tooth that needs to go, and now a days 3 that have major cavities that I could lose. All of which is, well depressing, but I was aware of it all already so it wasn't a shock. A lot of factors have gone in to my teeth but many people see missing teeth and judge. Even if they didn't I feel ugly. The past three years I haven't smiled much and I avoid photos to the point that people comment how great I am at dodging photos. My grandma felt bad and was willing to pay for an implant for my front tooth. Though I still would be missing a lot and thus still feel unattractive. For around the same price I can get a partial denture and have all my missing teeth filled in. My other dentist never gave me that option and wanted to push a bridge that would cost that only covered some of the back teeth. I already planned to go back just for the partial at some point but the extraction sealed the deal.

While they don't take medicaid, they do have a discount program that has a yearly fee of a little over $100. I signed up and already saved $330 on the extraction. Technically $230 if you subtract the yearly fee. It will knock down the price of the denture too. All work gets a discount. It's not free but it's about as cheap as you can get.

Extraction day I'm numbed out and wow am I numb! It's then that it hits me. I never felt that numb for work at the other dentist even with them doing more shots than what was done there. The chair lets my head fall back and I don't have to do the kink neck thing. I can breathe normally. They move the light and it adjusts. It's blindingly bright and they give me sunglasses to wear. The two of them moved so well together I could swear the doctor just had four hands. Anytime he said he needed a tool or suction, she had it covered. She did spurts of water and suctioned it out, none went down my throat. He kept telling me how good I was doing. He apologized a few times and when I alerted him to my tmj hurting on the opposite side he supported my jaw. I know my head moved just because of the force of everything. That wasn't an issue for them. Zero injuries to my tongue or face. Unfortunately, I did still have pain, but I know without a doubt I had the least amount of pain possible. He asked if I wanted any meds, another thing that my other dentist never offers. They are open more hours AND they have an emergency line that can be called.

It was night and day. I felt safe and I was treated like a human being. I will have to talk to my grandma and see if she will support me in getting most of my work done there. I will use the other place to get my two crowns covered and an easy extraction, the baby tooth, then goodbye forever. It's like feeling real love after being in an abusive relationship. I can't believe how I was treated. Maybe if I was in prison I could understand it. Even then I think it's still inhumane. I got a deep cleaning done at the new place as well as some preventative care. There are so many more people there and all of them are friendly and caring. 10/10

I cancelled my cleaning for the other dentist and they got back to me instantly. Hmm...okay, you don't like me cancellin, yet you don't do anything to keep me around. They actually got back to me the night before my extraction. While I was waiting on them I got antibiotics and an appointment for the extraction within a few days. I'm sure with them it would have been a week or more I'd have to deal with the pain.

This discount thing I have apparently has something with vision care as well. My eye care is a very similar story...I should see if walmart takes it because I went to them for years and never had an issue. Well besides the air puff machine punching my eye. That was a one-off thing. This other place, nothing but problems. When you have medicaid you're treated like shit. At least my doctor-doctors and specialists are all wonderful.

[softspace-fics]

HIII OMG YOUR TIMING WAS PERFECT I JUST GIT INTO A FIGHT WITH MY STRP MOM THAT JUST WAS BEING AWFUL (and it's not her fault initially but what is is her inserting herself were it shouldn't and twisting my words to what she wants to hear to start bs)ANYWAY-

I just read that you replied to my request and I can't thank you enough today was shit but I still have to get up and clean cuz lowkey your fic is kinda based in irl I have been able to clean my room (cuz ive been living kinda not good and when i read the part about not being able to shower... thats is correct, so thank you for acknowledging those things happen, and it's okay) and I need to study to get my license, and all I wanna do is lay down and watch adventure time but I can't I mean even as I'm writing this to you I have to move my leg cuz it's falling asleep and it's gonna hurt feeling it wake up so genuinely thank you for making me feel seen

I'm scared of doctors and I haven't even been able to make the grown up decision of who's gonna be my primary physician because of the idea of changing my doctor because of insurance reasons. And also because I can't see you pediatrician anymore is scaring me I don't know how to deal with it all anymore cuz when I do I yell and scream and basically have meltdowns

I'm sorry this is long just genuinely thank you for EVERY writing you put out it gets me going through the whiplash of life (cuz literally I was fine at 2 am this morning watching journey 2 with Josh hutcherson 🥰 eating my leftover miso raman and now I feel ngl just tired)

I BLESS THE WITH ALL THE BEST VIBES FOR THE NEXT YEAR AND I WILL 100% BE ANNOYING IN YOUR REQUESTS SO YOU CAN IGNORE MY SILLY LITTLE BRAIN

- 🦄

I'm so sorry to hear about your fight with your step mom, I absolutely know how that type of thing goes and I know its hard when it's happening and it can feel like a never ending repeating cycle but I'm really proud of you for getting through it! I know it may not be much coming from someone who you don't know personally but I am very proud of you for even just trying today, I don't have any diagnoses for pain, but I have severely bad joints and it hurts to move alot of the time, but I want you to know that someone is very proud of you or of anyone for trying! Doctors are scary, I have to get dental work done tomorrow and I'm absolutely terrified. I hope your able to figure out everything and I'm so glad my work helps you or even anyone. Please stay safe and know your problems are very very valid 🫶

[xamaxenta]

Ace is a high ranking succubus who is summoned and contracted to ruin the career and reputation of Dr. M Newgate a professor and well known academic. Ace of course is like “Hah easy” and enrols himself into “moral dilemmas of immortality and death” at the university. The following week is the most insane that any of the students have experienced (mostly because Ace is being an absolute slut and like who wears ‘that’ to a 6 am lecture? Problem is none of it seems to be working on the esteemed Doctor, it’s as if Ace isn’t putting his whole portagussy on display.

After 2 weeks Ace gets called in to Dr newgates office, this somehow ends in Ace yelling about his honor as a succubus blah blah blah why won’t you fuck me?? Etc etc.

during this rant Dr Newgate removes his glasses and Ace stops as the rooms shifts, strings of reality thrumming. Ace turns to look at the man who now seems.. familiar?

The blonde snorts pulling a silver and sapphire pendant from his collar, one engraved with the symbol of the high angels blessing.

“Hello Acendial,” he purrs “I think it’s time we have a chat about your new contractor hmm?”

Ace grits his teeth as his glamour is pulled from his skin like a million bandaids. “Mar’kho.” He sneers staring down the former high priest of the sacred order. “Made a career change I see.”

The man gives a shrug “the robes were more comfortable if I’m being honest.”

‘Easier access too’ thinks Ace but firmly shoved that though out of his brain and back into the box where he keeps any and all thoughts retaining to his infuriatingly still handsome ex husband.

Ace throws his hands in the air “ya know what Fuck the contract, fuck this and fuck you.”

Marcos mouth twitches in an almost smile. “Sorry to disappoint.”

There’s something almost wistful in his tone that makes Ace pause at the door. He looks down at his shoes “yeah,” he mutters “me too.”

maybe its bc its around that time of the month so im rly emotional bc of it or smth but the exhusbands part HAD ME TEARING UP FR I CANT STAND THE THOUGHT OF THEM LOSING EACH OTHER ITS NOT RIGHT

but

My dick is like diamondhard for the concept and the execution bc its really sexy

But also

IM SAD

[bogwitchmediaconsumption]

hi ok been EVEN more months haha oopsies

ok i kinda didn't know what to put on this blog because i started getting way too obsessed with superheroes and stopped consuming as much dw(i still love it but like... superheroes are so COOL) so i thought that in order to keep this thing updated, i'd just expand my horizons by porting over my big media watch/read/play/listen list! this is gonna be a massive post of everything so far, and then new updates will be new pieces of media! everything listed in order(and some brief thoughts)

Batman: The Court of Owls - Snyder/Capullo (Great!) Batman: The Court of Owls Vol 2/The City of Owls - Snyder/Capullo (Alright...)

Batman: The Night of Owls - Snyder/Capullo (Meh, but I had incorrect expectations)

Inscryption(Fucking phenomenal, play this bizarre ass game)

Doctor Who Series 2(Very good!)

Much Ado About Nothing - Shakespeare, a reading (Loved this one)

Neon Genesis Evangelion - The Original Show (yeah this was a fixation for a while too)

Undertale (really good, but not as loved for me as others)

Julius Caesar, a reading - Shakespeare (Good one Billy)

Donmar Warehouse Production of Julius Caesar (go women go)

A Page of Madness - 1926 Movie (makes no sense but hell yeah)

Legend of Zelda Oracle of Ages (God this game frustrated me so much)

As You Like It, a reading - Shakespeare (I think I remember which play this is)

Howl, and Other Poems - Allen Ginsberg (Liked this one! Howl is the strongest by a lot though)

Lunch Poems - Frank O'Hara (Very cool!)

Rewatch of Over The Garden Wall (god this show is so fucking incredible)

Everything Everywhere All At Once - 2022 Movie (my movie of the year so far, it's beautiful)

Words Bubble Up Like Soda Pop - 2021 Movie (Cute! but it's not much more than that)

Cat Soup - 2003 Short Film (Awesome but also What the Fuck?)

Swamp Thing Vol. 1: The Root of All Evil - Millar/Hester/Morrison

Cat Soup Rewatch (Had to share with a friend)

Bee and Puppycat Season 1 (Adorable!! so lovely and cute)

Everything Everywhere All At Once Rewatch (had to get a friend to see it for the first time)

Bee and Puppycat Season 1 Rewatch (Ok don't judge me)

The Residents: Triple Trouble - 2022 Movie (idk how to start with this one)

Watchmen - Moore/Gibbons (got some nitpick gripes with the ending: but it's fucking brilliant)

Neon Genesis Evangelion: The End of Evangelion (Really good! Better ending than the show)

Leonor - 1975 Movie (nothing quite like a theatre yelling "jump off the bridge")

Smiling Friends Season 1 (I knew a lot of the jokes going it, but it's still gutbusting)

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (get his ass Gawain, or get yours got, I guess)

Bless The Daughter Raised by A Voice in Her Head - Warsan Shire (a couple really standout poems in a mostly just ok volume. if this one comes across as harsh, i had to analyze this for 3+ weeks for class)

Adventure Time Season 1 (it's my roommate's favorite show, i'd never seen it)

Doctor Who: The Heralds of Destruction - Cornell/Jones (it's good, with material that does hold, but it's not any spectacular)

Batman & Robin - 1997 Movie (Awful, but also not that)

Super Mario Bros - 1993 Movie (This shit slaps, idc what anyone else says)

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Volumes 1-3 - Yoshiyuki Sadamoto (It's good on it's own, but it's especially interesting as an adaptation of the show)

JLA: Earth 2 - Morrison/Quitely (I really like it, but also wish it was longer)

Adventure Time Season 2(still cute!)

The Amazing Spider-Man: Edge of Spider-Verse - lotsa people (They're mostly fine Spider introductions with the man-spider guy one being notably bad and Peni's being notably good)

Adventure Time Season 3 (fun, I started getting really into the show at this point)

Adventure Time Season 4 (fun, still ramping on excitement)

Adventure Time Season 5 (good, but maybe my least favorite season. just a lot of sadder episodes in this one)

Fahrenheit 451 - 2018 Film (it sucks. also they should've been gay. but what do I know)

Ariel - Sylvia Plath (yeah ok cut out my heart why don't you)

Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask - Akira Himekawa (very fun interpretation of the story! but i wish it was a bit longer)

Legend of Zelda Oracle of Seasons (I like this one more than ages, but not by much)

Scott Pilgrim Comic Reread, All 6 Volumes - Bryan Lee O'Malley (I still love it and find a LOAD in it, despite it's occasional drastically poor choice in language or implication

Le Mani Sulla Citta - 1963 Film (god i could watch italian guys argue all day) watched between Scott Pilgrim Volumes 1 and 2 but I wanted to keep it neat

Adventure Time Season 6(maybe my favorite season? either this one or season 7)

Dracula Ballet - Milwaukee Ballet Company (Good show! read the book first or it won't make a lick of sense)

Robo Sapiens: Tales of Tomorrow - Toranosuke Shimada (very very cool, super interesting almost a little martian chronicles esque)

Murder On The Orient Express - 2017 Film (very fun and interesting movie to watch: should be noted i've never read the book)

Adventure Time Season 7 (on rereading episode lists, this one is probably my easy favorite. so many good ones)

Pokemon Blue (i was trying to do a generationlocke, you see)

Never Open It: The Taboo Trilogy - Ken Niimura (really really good, the art is especially great in this one)

Pokemon Crystal (see?)

Pokemon Emerald (SEE???)

Adventure Time Season 8 (Great, but the beginning of a slight downward trend in my enjoyment of the show. it becomes more plot focused than character focused here, and that did make it a bit less fun. still great though)

Loveless - Alice Oseman (I love a lot of her books, and I love this one too! but for some reason it just doesn't strike me as fully satisfying and i don't know why)

Pokemon Firered Omega (SEE???? also i wanted to add romhacks to make it harder)

Adventure Time Season 9 (some really good character moments, but it is even more plot focused here)

Spiderman: Into The Spider-Verse - 2018 Film (holy fuck this movie is incredible, maybe just as loved as EEAAO?)

The Complete Maus - Art Spiegelman (really good! art is great, and the metanarrative is super interesting)

Pokemon Blue (I died)

Time Guardian Volume 1 - Kishi/Ichinose (it's fun, but nothing really beyond that)

Pokemon Blue (guess who died again)

Adventure Time Season 10 (finally did it! the most plot focused of the last seasons, and thus it's maybe the least memorable to me. still really good though)

Spiderman: Across The Spider-Verse - 2023 Movie (it's great, but not quite as good as the first because it doesn't stand-alone. chock full of the best visuals, voicing, and story of the year though)

Pokemon Crystal (ok....)

Pokemon Emerald (uh huh......)

Ghost in the Shell - 1995 Film (Really weird and interesting and pretty! I liked it)

Knives Out - 2019 Film (it's very good, especially because of the family banter and performances. without it's cast it would probably not be so great. though the plotting does come together in the end for me)

The Spectacular Spider-Man Season 1 (oh my GOD this show is so good)

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (it's good, but I really love to see the detective/criminal battle of wits in mystery/detective movies and that's really not what this movie is)

Snow, Glass, Apples - Gaiman/Doran (interesting take of a fairy tale!)

Punisher 2099 #1 (it's ok)

Punisher 2099 #2 (it's also ok, neither here nor there)

Batman: Fear State - Tynion IV/Jimenez (I do like it, but i wish it placed more character moments front and center. it also tries to juggle SO many damn characters, and a lot of them just feel like cameos)

Shin Godzilla - 2016 Film (you can TELL that the evangelion team worked on this, it rocks. also the movie is very good)

A Field In England - 2013 Film (it's interesting, and weird, but maybe not anything special quality wise)

The Mexican Night - Lawrence Ferlinghetti (spongebob screaming meme I LOVE READING JOURNALS. I LOVE HEARING NOTHING BUT YOUR THOUGHTS AS YOU GO ABOUT YOUR DAY)

Vern, Custodian of the Universe - Tyrell Waiters (it's cool, and the visuals are great, but the plot is not especially good and it starts to lose what makes it interesting later on)

Barbie - 2023 Film (hilarious, incredible)

Beowulf Graphic Novel - Petrucha/Chamberlain (an interesting take on Beowulf, the art is great![no, i don't know how many times i'm gonna keep saying it either])

Bloom - Panetta/Ganucheau (it's cute and good, but it doesn't go into enough detail or character depth to stick with me)

Inferno - Hickman/Caselli (it's like. alright. it's mostly a political thriller, which is not what i was hoping for when i got it at the library. that's one thing, but i also don't think it's an especially good political thriller. I also don't think it knows where it's going really. i still don't know where it was going and i read the ending and everything.)

Pokemon Blue(it had to all come crashing down eventually, right?)

Cucumber Quest: The Doughnut Kingdom - Gigi D.G. (it's cute and charming! not a lot here beyond that)

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - 1954 Movie (it's engaging and interesting, but i'm not sure what to think critically. good? bad? i kinda don't know. also it's disney in the 50's, there's some gratuitous racism)

Porco Rosso - 1992 Film (the whole "oooh fio likes porco" thing makes me a little uncomfy, but besides that the movie is BALLER. go porco go)

The Golem: How He Came Into The World - 1920 Film (it's interesting, but it's not as enjoyable as stuff like Caligari or Page of Madness)

Superman: For All Seasons - Loeb/Sale (oh my GOD this rocks. so good, so down to earth, so enjoyable. i love this)

All-Star Superman - Morrison/Quitely (I really like this a lot, but I do feel it kinda is off base with what's appealing about Superman to me. it takes Superman and really spins him as a mythical god level figure, to the point where Lois refuses to believe he's Clark and... what the story is is very good. but Superman being regular ol' Clark at the end of the day is what makes him so wonderful to me. This is absolutely a Superman that pretends to be Clark Kent. feel like that's a big distinction. lex's characterization is PHENOMENAL though, SO good.)

And now... my most recent watch............

yeah ok it's more superman

My Adventures with Superman Season 1 (it's phenomenal. like spectacular spider-man levels of good. The voicing, animation, designs, writing, it's ALL here. the overarching plot is also particularly capturing in this show, which sometimes fails to be the case for some superhero shows! i will say that i start to dislike SOME elements of the overarching plot introduced in Ep. 7 and beyond, but they don't diminish my love of this show very much at all. cannot WAIT for season 2 foaming at the mouth, chomping, zinging around my room etc)

alright! so that just took me like an hour and a half. but that kinda stuff is what i think i wanna do with this blog for now! so if that's your cup of tea keep hanging around! and if it's not... well there's always a chance i decide to change it again so idk your call.

[lordarsonizzzzt]

Erika and Axlan yelling at the reader for not joining the church

The reader who has been providing medical care and supplies to those in the village who need it for months and is one of the only things keeping some of the townsfolks business's alive with there purchases.

To me the reader is like the bar in a religious area. Like it's very forbidden and is considered bad but at the same you can't help it. The reader charges a bit less then others and sells a variety of items. To many folks the reader is a last resort, like "My sons leg is broken but the doctor is out of town to buy more supplies from the city. I guess I have to go to them".

Also Dr. Gerald and reader dream sequence angst because I said so. (I'm sorry for my bad writing)

Reader pov: I'm in an apartment of some sort, it's quite average and a bit boring. All possible dangers having been carefully put away and some furniture even bolted to the wall like a psych ward room. I can hear weeping as I head down a hallway, in a bedroom sits the source of said weeping. A man sat down on his bed. Do I know him? Maybe. I'm not sure why he feels familiar.

I ask him what's wrong and he turns to me, his face is censored with a black square but I know he has paused his crying. He moves off of the bed and looks me over. Confusion and disbelief radiate off of him despite me not being able to see his face.

"(reader)? Is that you?", he says with a hoarse voice.

"Yeah that's me. What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Please my dear! Please come back to me! Please come back to me!"

"But I'm right in front of y-" I cut myself off in surprise when he grabs my wrists and holds them up not far from his face.

"Honey you don't understand! I want you to come back to me! Please oh please!" He looks down and we both pause for a few moments in strange silence. "Why my dear? Why did it have to be you? You d-"

I wake up breathing heavily and crying. Why did that make me feel so awful? Why did that feel so... familiar? I don't know him.

As I try to forget it I look to the right side of the bed and all of a sudden I feel like something is missing.

DUDE THIS IS SO GOOD FJEKHRG you should write things, i love how u do it

reader is like that person everyone knows in the village, they know who brought them there, but at the same time is a forbidden name, they just call them the 'hermit' but that's it, if you are an outsider that is in the village for whatever reason and you dare mention that name, people will look down on you.

When reader got into foundation custody tho the village was freaking out, because even if they hated reader they were someone necesary in that place, because for a village in a universe where modern medicine isn't a thing, magic is a blessing, even if it hurts their moral.

i live for angst that ends in happiness, i can see gerald having that dream again but this time when he wakes up in cold sweat and tears falling down from his eyes, he can see reader still sleeping next to him

[alrissamariam]

A Letter to my Younger Self; If I Could Hold Your Hand

21 years ago, we were born on the 7th of August at approximately 6:45PM. A healthy, just a little premature baby girl that was thought should’ve been a baby boy. 

We were blessed with three older siblings who took turns holding us as a newborn and the tales of our childhood was a wild one–if we consider the fact that they might have locked us up in the room one day while we were taking a nap at the age of three, and when we cried for the maid to open the door and finally stepped out, they sang Baha Men’s Who Let The Dogs Out.

We didn’t know what we wanted to be growing up. But we knew what others wanted us to be. A doctor to save lives. A lawyer to prevent a disaster. A chef to serve. A baker to satisfy. An engineer–because according to mother, we should be smart enough. 

None of what we wanted.

When we turned thirteen, we got so into the army and marching, we did it for five years straight. The first three years were tough, I won’t lie to you. There were only a handful of people that believed in us, and being in high school, that whole thing was all that mattered to us. It was our big thing.

Weekend family breakfasts missed, classes ditched and dinners ruined from how tired we’d be when we came home. That was the start of our poor eating habits. If I could hold your hand while I inform you of this, I would but sadly, the world doesn’t work that way.

It wasn’t just the fact that we were so tired after all the activities from school that bothered our appetite. It was also the constant insults from mother. The words she’d spew about our skin tone, our hair, our tired eyes, our slim wrists, our obvious cheekbones.

We kept it to ourselves because we lacked the energy to entertain such bullshit, but that didn’t mean we didn’t take it to heart because.. what kind of mother says those things to her own daughter?

We had never put a label or diagnosed ourselves to what we were suffering from, but she did. It was like she was proud of it every single time she called us out on it, but when the family was around, she turned into the most caring and greatest parental figure as she expressed her worries like a sick parent.

If I could hold your hand, I would clutch it tightly as I tell you the story of how mother called us anorexic, laughed in our face as we struggled to finish our meal and scolded us for needing an extra bit of sugar to get through the day.

If I could hold your hand, I would grab your shoulders softly as I tell you the story of how her brother, our uncle, continuously broke us down according to our weight and appearance, right before making inappropriate comments about our body shape and ass. 

If I could hold your hand, I would cup your face and remind you to not let it get to you. But then I’d realise how that was easier said than done. Because it did get to you. It did ruin you and it did fuck us up.

If I could hold your hand, I would drag you away from the three-bedroom apartment where mother yelled in the morning after pulling us off the bed by our feet, letting us fall to the ground and hit our head, right before she yelled in our face about what kind of a shitty girl we are just because there was one unwashed cup in the sink that wasn’t even ours.

If I could hold your hand, I would shield you from the view of the day uncle tried to hit our brother. I promise you, brother was trying to protect us, especially from mother as she forced us to wear something we didn’t want to. Uncle just decided to step in and act like the father figure he never was, which resulted in a screaming match with our brother, right before uncle cornered him and tried to punch him.

If I could hold your hand, I would cover your ears as mother stormed to us, threw the clothes to our face so harshly that the button jagged our cheek, and yelled at us with the words this is all your fault.

If I could hold your hand, I would push you behind me as we witnessed the biggest and worst fight between our siblings and mother. The four a.m. fights and the moment that mother attempted to drive us out of the house, the scene of our big sister protecting all her little siblings and taking charge of the situation completely before we finally realised that maybe, choosing wouldn’t be as difficult as we thought it would be.

But, if I could hold your hand, I’d walk you through how much I meant it when I said we were blessed with three older siblings, right before I tell you about the nights we’d all sleep in one room and come up with the dumbest thing to do like jump from the top of the cupboard and onto a bunch of pillows and blankets on the floor without any assurance if it was safe or not.

If I could hold your hand, I’d point to the spots on your palm where our brother held the most as he helped us ride our first bike without training wheels after mother decided that it wasn’t her task to see her kids grow up.

If I could hold your hand, I’d teach you the ways our big sister taught us how to make an origami shuriken while our other sister stood behind us in an attempt to block out the sound of our parents arguing outside the doors of safety that is our room.

If I could hold your hand, I’d brush your hair in the mornings before school and remind you of how much you are loved, even if it’s just by three people. How much they don’t care what career you choose, so long as it’s what you wanted. How much it doesn’t matter that mother only wanted you to find a rich man just so you could live rich while she flaunts to her friends and family.

If I could hold your hand, I would sit at the table with you while your tears fell near your plate of untouched food as we sat in the dark, and your heart was breaking loudly yet so silent because nobody around us could hear it except for me. 

If I could hold your hand, I would prevent that hand from burning yourself, from hurting yourself because you felt like you weren’t good enough for the world after being constantly reminded of the fact. It is not a fact. It is a lie.

If I could hold your hand, I would talk to you as we shared small bites of our favourite foods and desserts to help better our horrible eating habits that had resulted in us crashing at the hospital, alone.

If I could hold your hand, I would tell you how proud I am of you while you were at your lowest, thinking that nobody believed in you when you wanted to write. How amazed I am that you kept pushing through, even with all the harsh words and insults thrown at you, because look at you go now.

If I could hold your hand, I would. Because nobody held mine and I’d be damned if nobody held yours.

[imperialmask]

Homeworld Bound Vol 1 (London Calling) Chapter 6: Greenies

Athena walked through the automatic glass doors to see a sparring arena beneath her over a balcony. She sees 2 people in protective gear fighting with magic, she smiles and looks behind her, seeing a massive sign saying "Welcome to the Rookie Centre: Sparring Arena #1". She looked down into the sparring arena, the 2 duellers were really going at it now.

Student #1 swings his wooden sword towards Student #2 who blocks it with his armoured arm. They then grab the sword and push it into the armour, breaking it in half. They then opened their palm facing the other student and blasted them with concentrated water. It knocks Student #1 into the wall, they get up and shrug it off before reaching into their pocket and throwing out grains of sand. The sand suddenly forms a sand storm which Student #2 attempts to break by firing a stream of concentrated water into it. The storm absorbs and uses the water to bind the sand together into one cohesive mass and it's thrown at Student #2.

Student #2 blasts away from the sand with a water jet, the sand crashes into the Arena and flies everywhere. The sand suddenly flies through the air towards Student #1 who continues to dodge, the sand acts as tendrils flying through the air attempting to stab them. Student #1 then smirks and begins to chant something.

"Παλίρροιες του Ποσειδώνα"

Suddenly, a large blast of energy comes from the student, destroying all the sand constructs. In a suit of armour, black metal with blue glowing highlights in the folds and a helmet with a golden trident shape on the head, the student stares towards their opponent. Suddenly, Student #1 is grabbed in the arm with the 2nd student appearing in front of them, they're launched into the wall. They bounce off it and Student #2 appears in the air to catch them and knock them into the ground. They slam into the ground, hitting with such force they bounce slightly at which point their shirt is grabbed by the 2nd student.

"STOP!" The instructor yells. The 2nd student lightly puts down the first one whose gasping for air.

"You fight too rough Tidal." The 1st Student tell him.

"Sorry Flint." Tidal (the 2nd Student) responds, apologetically. Tidal's armour poofs away and he's back in his normal protective student gear.

Athena stares at them in awe and yells out.

"HEY YOU! KID WHO CAN TRANSFORM! C'MERE!"

Tidal immediately turns to her.

"And who is she?" He asks.

Flint, taking off his helmet, looks at her and opens his mouth.

"Dude that's Athena Peterson."

"Really?" Tidal asks, excited.

"Ask her for her number, bro." Flint jokingly asks.

"I'll try." Tidal responds, taking off his helmet before winking and smiling at Flint.

With Athena leaning against a pillar and Tidal on a bench resting, they begin to chat. He had black, messy and medium length hair with ocean blue eyes that seemed to have a small glow. He was wearing a short sleeve black polo shirt and blue jeans with sneakers on.

"What's your name kid?" Athena asks him.

"Diego, Diego Ashbluff. Lot of people call me Tidal though." He responds.

"How old are you?" She follows up.

"17, birthday's in 2 months." He answers.

"How many of those years you've spent at the academy?" She asks.

"3." Tidal responds.

"I see. What's the deal with the water and transformation? Is your ability magical or physical?" She asks.

"It's magical, kinda. It's a blessing, sort of? As a kid, i wanted to be a doctor so i used to pretend to do surgery on my stuffed toys. I always wanted to help people, save them from things they couldn't save themselves from. Yet one day i found this fish and it had this plastic ring around it's neck so i cut it off and let it go. When i came back to the river again, i saw more fish with similar issues so i started to come to the river daily to save them. One day, this great big catfish came to me with a massive wound. I was 13 but i took it home and stitched it up, that's when i first saw him." Tidal explained.

"Who?" Athena asked. Tidal held out his palm, open facing the sky. A small man in the same armour Tidal was in a minute ago appeared in his hand and he was slightly transparent.

"Lord of the Sea!" It spoke in a booming voice. Athena smiled in wonder.

"Little guy!" She responded.

"Aquarius, Deity of The Ocean. I became his avatar, i can transform into him at will and use a part of his power." Tidal explained.

"I see. Water based " Athena responded. Aquarius disappeared and Tidal put his hand away.

"Well, how would you like a job?" Athena asked him. Tidal's face lit up.

"You're gonna get me out of the academy?" Tidal asked.

"Yep. You'll work in an elite team of heroes along side me, my brother and 2 other agents at a high level like yours." Athena told him, he smiled wider before seemingly beginning to frown.

"What's that for?" She asked.

"You need to hire Winters." Tidal demanded.

"Who?"

"Winters, Chloe Winters. She's my best friend, i promised her i'd work with her when we got out of here." Tidal explained.

"Well i gotta meet her first." Athena told him, he suddenly grabbed her hand and ran off, dragging Athena along. They ran all the way to the dorms where Tidal banged on a door. It was covered in stickers and photos, the stickers were of cutsie things like marshmallows with faces and cute cartoon animals, some where random objects in pink, white and blue. The photos all had a blonde girl with short curly hair, sometimes with Tidal, Flint and others. Some had images of a brown haired boy in yet there was only one or 2 out of the around 30 images on the door.

A blonde haired girl with messy bedhead opened the door in a black shirt and shorts.

"What...Tidal? Random Woman?" She yanwed.

"Winters! Winters! A Job! A Job!" Tidal excitedly explained, pointing at Athena.

"It's too early in the morning for your energy, T." Winters tiredly groaned.

"Winters, is it?" Athena asked.

"Yeah..." Winters told her.

"Names Athena, Athena Peterson." She explained.

"Oh shit....OH SHIT." Winters said, waking up from shock. She slammed the door in their faces and you can hear her freak out behind it. There's loud clanking noises as if something fell off a shelf. Athena looks at Tidal confused and Tidal sighs and smiles, shrugging visibly.

Winters opened the door in a yellow hoodie with black highlights and interior, some silver mixed in from the zipper and metal parts. It was zipped down but it was small enough so that at times you could see her plain white shirt beneath. She had a sports skirt on that went all the down her legs, she had black leather shoes on with a yellow buckle.

"Hi Mrs Peterson! So what do you want from little old me?" She asked, nervous.

"Come with me, kid." Athena tells them, leading them out of the room. She leads them to Sparring Arena #4.

"Get in, both of you." She tells them with a smirk. "I wanna see what you can do. I've only got 1 slot. Winner joins the team and gets out of the academy." Both Tidal's and Winter's face light up.

2 best friends now put to the test by their senior. They look each other in the eyes before Tidal makes the first move by blasting a pillar of water at Winters. Winters jumps out the way and skates her way towards Tidal, Tidal sprouts water from the ground to try and stop her but she keeps weaving out of the way. She gets an upper cut off on him and knocks him into the air before grabbing her 2 batons on her back, sticking them together into a staff and using it to lunge herself upwards and wack Tidal back to Earth.

Tidal cushions his fall with water and Winters lands on top of him, holding the staff to his neck.

"Did that one hurt?" Winters asks snarkily.

"Not really, what about this?" Tidal snaps back with before putting his hands to her stomach and blasting her off with water. She flies up and Tidal blasts water at her from his hands, she drops her staff and uses magic to make it start spinning to deflect the water. She slowly starts to push throw the water into Tidal's hand but the large stream of water suddenly compresses into a small beam, the pressure allows it to cut straight through the staff. Tidal adjusts the angle slightly to avoid majorly hurting Winters but it still makes a nasty gash in her shoulder. She lands and holds her shoulder.

"Shit...Winters im sorry, are you alright?" Tidal says as he runs over to her. Her hand glows green and as Tidal approaches, she uses it to slam Tidal away.

"NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN, KID!" Winters yells out, revealing her shoulder to be healed but with a mark. Tidal goes to blast a water beam at her yet she makes a fist towards him, Tidal starts to visibly get extremely angry. The beam is not nearly as concentrated, in fact its more like the usual stream, yet it produces so much water it almost starts to flood the arena despite the fact it's made to withstand water damage. Winters throws her staff and the water begins to fly all over the place as it spins around like a boomerang, obscuring Tidal's view.

Tidal realises what Winters is doing and begins to chant the same chant from before. Winters comes up behind him, ready to strike but it's too late.

""Παλίρροιες του Ποσειδώνα"

The energy blasts her and the water back, Tidal returns to his Aquarius form. Tidal grabs Winters leg and slams her into the ground behind him. The staff suddenly wacks Tidal in the back of the head from the right, not doing much damage but enough to make Tidal let go. The staff flies off his head and flies off to the left before returning to fly in from the right, Tidal attempts to block it but Winters gut punches him. Tidal grabs the staff but stumbles back a bit, he uses it to wack Winters who jumps over the swing and grabs onto the staff, breaking off a half of it. She swings in from the opposite direction Tidal swung the staff and hits him in the head. Tidal gets knocked the same direction as the swing, Winters goes to follow up but Tidal blasts a beam of water at her, throwing her straight into the arena wall. Winters gets up, wounded, and she puts a thumbs up in the air. Tidal fires another beam, moving a lot slower than usual allowing Winters to dodge, it hits directly where she was.

Winters throws the stick at Tidal and moves in from the left, skating towards Tidal. Tidal begins throwing water balls at her feet to stop her but she weaves throw the wet patches, jumping over on to be able to kick him in the gut. The stick, moving abnormally slowly, hits Tidal in the face and Winters grabs it, calling the other half off the floor to hit Tidal in the back of the helmet. Tidal, unaffected, grabs Winters and throws her towards the wall, throwing a water beam and suddenly disappearing. When the water beam hits Winters, Tidal suddenly appears where the water was and kicks her in the stomach. She impacts the wall and Tidal lands infront of her. A bell goes off.

"That's enough kids, both of you c'mere." Athena says over an intercom. Athena smiles in a proud way.

Tidal and Winters are in the lobby room of the sparring arena, Tidal has an icebag on the back of his head and a black eye while Winters is covered in cuts and has a bandage wrapped around her head, both are sitting on a bench looking tired, Tidal is back in his normal form.

"So, good news bad news. I'll start with the bad news." Athena tells them.

"I lied. We've got 2 slots!" She tells them with a smile, there's a silence.

"You're both in...that's the good news." Athena says with less enthusiasm, they both weakly cheer.

"Thought you 2 wanted this?"

"We do...but that fight hurt like hell." Tidal explains.

"When you pulled out the concentrated water beam, i freaked the fuck out." Winters comments.

"No kidding, i tried to stop it from hitting. Sorry for that." Tidal apologises.

"It's fine, i got a good lick in myself because of it." Winters remarks, chilling out.

"Right, let me go talk to my brother real quick." Athena says, pulling out her phone.

/// <- (Scene Transition, different from --- which is a cutaway)

Dan slams open 2 doors with his hands, it's Hudson's office and a slightly scared Moesby stands behind Dan in the lobby. Hudson looks up from his paperwork and looks at Dan.

"Are you free?" Dan asks.

"No." Hudson tells him. Dan sits down in the chair opposite him anyway.

"What do you want?" Hudson asks bluntly, going back to doing paperwork.

"Why is Mick a squad lead now? He's a part of MY team." Dan demands to know, incredibly pissed off.

"It's a Mayoral Decree, not mine. If you have a problem, ask your father." Hudson responds, calmly. Compared to Dan you'd think he was a bodhisattva.

"It was DAD'S CALL?" Dan screams out.

"Please stop yelling, they can hear you upstairs and downstairs." Hudson asks, it falls on deaf ears, just like the ones of the people upstairs and downstairs.

"So Dad's willing to bat for Mick but not for me? Some random guy that he's only known about for about for 4 days is more worthy of this promotion than his own son?" Dan complains.

"They've known each other longer than 4 days. I did some digging, an agent of mine in the Mayor's office was able to drag these files out of Jones' database." Hudson says as he reaches into his desk and plops a physical file on the desk. On it says "TOP SECRET" in a big bold red stamp, above it is a small label saying "Kronos". Dan picks it up and opens it, finding a document labelled "KING.MEETING - 17TH APRIL 2009".

"What is this?" Dan asks.

"Your father, since his administration began in 2006, has always taken an interest in affairs outside of Salem, particularly space. It seems the alien's been in Salem before, and others. I've been meaning to ask, what did Mick talk about in his interrogation, particularly about his own planet and people?" Hudson asks. "That they're all gone. A big war wiped them out about 2 years ago. Him and his brother are the last ones left." Dan answers, Hudson frowns.

"I see." Hudson responds with, going back to paperwork.

"What's your plan then?" Dan asks Hudson.

"Obviously I can't stop Jones influencing Mick but i can stop Mick from doing what Jones wants. I've persuaded Gas Mask and Kitsune to sign up with his squad to pressure Mick into a duel for the lead position in exchange for pay rises if one of them win." Hudson tells him, Dan looks uneasy at the suggestion.

"Gas Mask? Really?" Dan asks, confused at the choice.

"There aren't many agents i don't trust to fuck up the job. If this was 5 years ago i'd just be able to pick anyone but you have to admit, we're running short on competent agents these days. The DOMA's been on our asses for awhile now, took a lot of good men down lately." Hudson answers. Dan fidgets in his chair before speaking.

"The decree says i'm still ultimately in command, it's just that there's 2 squads instead of one. If Gas Mask took over, he'd be my partner. We both know he doesn't deal well with authority and command. I think i could get better results out of Mick than out of Gas Mask, i'll keep him in check and an eye on him." Dan tells Hudson. Hudson looks up and him and puts his pen down again.

"You think you can control Mick?" He asks.

"Not control, work with." Dan responds. Hudson looks him dead in the eyes, neither flinch before Hudson sighs.

"Fine, i'll leave you to it. Now get out, i'm busy." Hudson tells Dan with a sigh and a "shoo" motion. Dan gets up and walks out.

Hudson presses a button and a sharp buzz comes out.

"What is it sir?" Moesby says over a speaker.

"Schedule a meeting with Jones, some point today please." Hudson says.

"Right away sir." Moesby responds. Hudson lets go of the button and leans back in his chair with a sigh.

"I'll play your games Peterson." Hudson says to himself, looking out the window towards a glistening tower in the distance.

[tetrisfinished]

literally a GodSent...maybe an Angel

today was a tough day.

actually, most days are tough these days.

esa is becoming....I don't know even. i don't know what he's becoming but dealing with it day in day out (despite that he's off in daycare for MOST of the day) is getting more and more difficult.

he's becoming spoilt, i guess, if i had to label it anything.

he won't eat, he won't shower, he won't listen, he will tantrum, he will pee himself, he will constantly have accidents. i don't know what is happening and frankly i don't know how to deal with it.

and i remain as calm as possible for as long as possible, but then i eventually and inevitably end up exploding at him. and yelling and screaming and just letting it all out.

which is not okay. so please don't come at me with the whole parenting schpeal, because i promise you won't find anyone else in the world who is as ashamed of herself than i am.

and who is as remorseful as i become the second after it happens.

i don't know what to do. i don't know how to remain firm and i don't know how to let him be and i don't know how to calm myself and i just don't know how to parent. ultimately that's what it is. every time i find myself coming back around to the conclusion that we could or should have another child or at least try for one (Allah swt gives or does not, that's not in anyone's hands but His) - new behaviours show up in esa.

and then i'm angry all over again. angry that i even risked trying. angry about all things yasir because he's my main outlet for all of this anger.

angry angry angry angry at my life.

angry at the one main thing i think i regret to this day which i can't actually put into writing or words.

i'm angry.

and maybe i'm entitled. entitled to believing that i don't deserve this. this life, this trestment, all of this bs.

except that i'm right. i don't deserve this life. this blessing. this child, this home, this spouse, this job, i don't deserve any of it.

so what the fuck man,

what. the. fuck.

that's all. good night.

k

PS l o l o l i wrote this whole thing, posted it, left the page, and then 10 minutes later came back to my blog page only to realize i completely forgot to tell the story that i've titled this post for!

today was tough because i took esa to his (last) t-ball lesson and he just sat there and was pissed about wearing the shoes he was wearing and we basically spent 20 minutes not doing anything except me asking him to decide on what to do and him saying he wants to go to t-ball, but no he wants to go home, but he wants to wear the shoes, and he wants to be the best, and he wants to not wear the shoes.

i was THIS close to losing my shit with him in public and dragging him to the car to just fuck off and go home and skip his last goddamn lesson.

even as i'm writing this out, maybe it's visible too with my harsh fucking language, that i'm pissed. i'm feeling the anger that i was feeling back then.

and that was when a literal Godsent Angel walked by. this woman - i don't know how much of the 20 minute circus she had seen (i don't think much, because she was just walking in from the entrance) - but i assume it to be very little. but something compelled her to just interject.

she said she has a 2 and 4 year old and they're the same way. and then she asked esa to put on his shoes and showed him a loonie. and said she would give it to him if he listened. which of course. he finally did. and he went in. and she....i think she might have been there actually for esa because i was so near tears and all out humiliation that i don't know what i would have done if she hadn't come by.

but she did. subhanallah. shukar alhumdulillah. for this woman. she was so supportive and kind. and she saved me in so many ways.

yasir had a doctor's appointment tonight so he couldn't be there with me. and Allah swt answered a prayer i didn't even ask of Him. and i should be more grateful for that. it's true that He only gives us trials that we can handle. because i was not able to handle what was happening in that moment.

subhanallah.

[jheyjette]

A year ago, I remember waking up to the sound of my mother yelling out my name in a panic. When I ran to my room, I found her crouched down next to my Dad on the floor. He was unresponsive and his nose was bleeding. My mom was already on the phone calling 911. Their response was quick and before long my Dad was hauled onto a stretcher and taken to the closest ER. He underwent two surgeries, one of which his neurosurgeon admitted was a last resort measure. It was a craniotomy.

The surgery was successful, but my Dad’s doctor was still very pessimistic about his situation. He believed that the chances of my Dad waking from his vegetative state were very slim and repeatedly told us to prepare for the worst. But against all odds, by the grace of God, He survived. 

Throughout this whole ordeal, we’ve been the recipients of many prayers, love, and blessings from friends, family, and the occasional good-natured stranger. This has been a difficult year, it still is, but I’m still forever grateful for the second chance in life that God has given my father. 

A year may have passed, but the road to recovery is still very long. But we’re getting there, slowly but surely. My Dad is working hard at therapy to relearn how to walk and regain his independence, but we know now that with God and our family and trusted friends, we will get through this.

If anyone reading this is going through a difficult time, I pray that reading this has given you hope that things can and will be better. Please don’t lose hope! 

Romans 5:3-5

3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

[picnokinesis]

GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS?? It’s the INCREDIBLE @archervale‘s birthday, so here is a little drawing of her favourite angel from that show (you know the one). GO WISH ARCHIE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! GO GO GO!! And also check our their art if you haven’t already, especially if like fluff, because their art is SO cute and beautiful