#bless its the most Minako thing ever

[moghedien]

I really love this version of the song because its so funny and yet so accurate to their characters in how they'd deal with encountering clones like

Like you have Usagi silently aplauding hers when its beating up her friends and being cute but then she's like "wait I don't wanna deal with this" when it starts coming after her

And then Ami's like "I can't attack people who look just like us!"

And then Rei's like "I CAN" and is just waiting for an excuse to attack all her friends' imposters

and then Mako is like "I HAVE WAITED MY ENTIRE LIFE TO PVP MYSELF"

And then there's Minako who's like "Ok now that you are all done fighting, the two Sailor Venuses are ready to perform"

[keyofjetwolf]

Bonus Question Answers! (non-anime animated noms)

This was SO. FUCKING. HARD. This question went so much better than I expected, and I’m only sad I lack the artistic skills to make it all a reality.

Below, my PAINSTAKINGLY selected top answers, If yours is listed below, you’ve earned an entry in a random draw to win a GIFTENING liveblog OF YOUR CHOICE

---

Q: The Senshi suddenly find themselves in a very different animated world. Which cartoon power (think Looney Tunes) do they each now possess?

*  Usagi can make literal rainbows happen when she smiles.  Rei can set anything on fire with her mind (she feels a bit cheated because she can do that at home too).  Ami can write down anything in her special notebook and it literally changes reality around her (she does not share this with her fellow Senshi, because she knows the full weight of this power.  She did, however, write Michiru having a bad hair day for just one day.  Just one.)  Makoto has the ability to pull out any ingredient she wants from any pantry/door/closet.  She usually uses this for cooking purposes, so she won't have to purchase groceries.  Minako has the ability to mimic any voice in the world, whether she has heard it or not.  Hijinks ensue.  The Outer Senshi sensibly escaped from the new animated world right after Michiru recovered from her bad hair day.  They don't speak of the experience. -- @amberlilly  [The whole thing was so solid, but what absolutely sent it over the top for me was Ami using her powers to fuck with Michiru in the most petty benign way, which is EVERYTHING.]

*  Usagi is definitely rocking the exaggerated tear gushers.  Ami can pull charts/diagrams out of nowhere at any time.  Rei combusts when she gets sufficiently mad.  Makoto has birds fly around when she sings while cooking or cleaning.  Minako breaks the fourth wall to make jokes and asides to the audience.  Chibi-Usa is somehow able to walk through ludicrous danger without getting touched, because the censors won't allow kids to be hurt in this show. Haruka can make girls melt into puddles of goo with her flirting.  Michiru can summon a servant at any time to take care of an unpleasant or potentially dirty task for her (including to take the slapstick comedy for her).  Setsuna has access to the script.  Hotaru just sort of appears sometimes, just standing there, silently and menacingly, but never does anything on-screen (though you may hear the occasional off-screen screaming).  Oh, and while I'd like to say Mamoru gains the power of inexplicable entrances... he kinda already has that one.  --Darkcloud k'California  [Again, I loved all these, but particularly Chibs saved by the censors, Michiru’s poor hapless slapstick avatar, and everything about Hotaru, thank you.]

*  Usagi: The power to be found charming by every character she encounters and somehow escape all consequences and damage by simply remaining oblivious, a la Tweety Bird.

Rei: The power to explode, reducing her surroundings to charred wasteland, but remain relatively unscathed (perhaps a bit singed)

Ami: The power to grow multiple arms, hands, and hundreds of fingers in order to do tech stuff

Makoto: The power to punch someone through a brick wall, possibly several, and into someone's family dinner. It's always some surprised-looking family's private event. Often the same family.

Minako: the power to, Bugs Bunny style, apply lipstick and seduce ANYTHING. Which, according to her, is a power she already has.

Haruka: The power to run off a cliff and keep going until she looks down. She never learns to not look down.

Michiru: The power to stick a pin into any other character and cause them to deflate like a balloon

Hotaru: She just gets to actually be used. It is thrilling.

Pluto: She will observe this strange planet from afar with her huge telescope and breathe the Martian air and look great in a kilt and Roman-style helmet. --  @incorrecttact  [Your set-up and punchline delivery style on all of these was perfection, and I legit lol’d at Mako and the poor family she continually interrupts.]

* to make dynamite go BOOM (Rei obviously); to have their opponent chase them to the point where they're floating in midair and then their opponent falls 5000 feet but they calmly walk back to land (like Wil E Coyote & the Roadrunner) (Usagi); the power to blow kisses to their opponent (which are clearly poisonous and end up killing the chap) (Minako); the power to have their opponent's entire arm shattered if they try to even punch them lightly on the arm (Makoto - this is canon anyways, but moreso exaggerated here hehe); to open a book and start reading it out loud and words start showing up on screen, confusing tf out of their opponent (Ami - also canon already)  --@midnightdrops  [Each of these were great, but Usagi and Mako as you described them totally sold me.]

* usagi: can now float on yummy aromas, so long as they lead her somewhere tasty! the others play a quick tournament of jun-ken-pon each time it happens to determine who will be responsible for steering her from blissfully drifting into traffic. again.

ami: is now possessed of x-ray vision! only she can neither turn it off, nor control its intensity. she is working on developing a set of goggles to dampen the effect, and secretly hopes they will make her look like geordi laforge.

rei: rei-chan is now blessed with the power of song! her heartfelt melodies soften the malice of even the most one-dimensional baddie, and influence public policy on a global scale. international success life, yo! i guess she's really a hard worker!

makoto: has become something of a cartoon cupid! in a poorly-ventilated room, her mere presence has bystanders declaring their love for one another within minutes*; and her decadent wedding cakes are the hit of second marriages across the country. *all of them so like her old senpai, and none of them falling for her, alas!

minako: employs her considerable powers of confidence and charm to convince the others she now has access to Plot Manipulation, mainly by engineering and taking ownership of a series of happy accidents. her real power is to literally jump out of her skin when she's startled*, and she has no intention of EVER letting the others know about it.  *minako discovered this new ability while she was changing a roll of toilet paper, and a spider dropped onto her hand. the leader of the inner senshi had never been so horrified. her bones were so slick and cold, her skin a hideous unwiped pile, and then THE SPIDER CRAWLED INTO THE PILE and she STILL doesn't know if it ever got out and sometimes her skin itches REALLY bad and you know what let's stop talking about this right now okay???

setsuna: can now manifest a giant pencil and erase the enemy! but doing so would be breaking The Greatest Taboo, and leave her impaled upon the pencil.

haruka: her new empathetic ability is remarkably similar to Ma-Ti's "heart" ring (Captain Planet and the Planeteers, 1990 - 1996). basically, she's just like really soft at you, and it inspires you to take more positive actions toward yourself and the world at large? she protests about wishing she'd received something tough and intimidating, but secretly is very moved by being made an instrument of kindness.

michiru: her intuition has mutated into fourth wall awareness, and the subtlety with which she makes this known to you is SO GODDAMN UNCOMFORTABLE OH MY GOD

hotaru: can now not only communicate with inanimate objects, but also render them permanently animate! you should have been there during the princess tutu crossover episode when she met lamp-chan - they're STILL inseparable, and chibiusa is SUPER jealous. speaking of which,

chibiusa: can now use hammerspace to store her endless series of magical geegaws and weird animal boyfriends.  -- @rasiqra-revulva  [Dude, you have got to stop making me snort laugh, it’s RUDE. Pure solid gold, every word, with a special nod to Haruka, MICHIRU, and Minako’s extended tragic cartoon backstory.]

* Usagi - like her name suggests, she is now Bunny. By which I mean she is now a very pink and blonde bunny (somewhere between Bugs and Oswald the Lucky Rabbit), but with super-elastic limbs to accompany her new form. Ami - Magical Science Powers up to and including ‘mix one brightly colored liquid in flask with another brightly colored liquid in flask, explosion, get hammer.’ Rei - An infinite supply of dynamite she can pull out of nowhere. This shouldn’t be as useful as it is. Mako - Literally suplexed a giant metallic youma not just untransformed, but before she has Senshi powers at all. I fully believe she could lift an anvil in canon. Minako - While Usagi looks like a rabbit, Mina now has the supernatural trickster abilities of Bugs Bunny. Implausibly effective bad disguises, persuasion, showing up out of nowhere. Chibs - Now that gun from her first appearance is a real gun, but it shoots anything from normal bullets to pies in the face to live birds. Pluto - The fourth wall is a real and tangible thing. Pluto can not just break it, but control it. If she wants to remove a layer of cel or suddenly turn things into sketch, she can do it. If she wants to teleport, she can skip in the animation. If she wants to suddenly appear as a Roger Rabbit-style cartoon in a live action field, or vice versa? Yeah, she can do that too. She basically uses this power to warp the layers of her cartoonish reality for pastry acquisition. Haruka - You’d think it would be Roadrunner speed. Haruka thinks it will be Roadrunner speed. But no, it isn’t. Space Jam is Looney Tunes, and Haruka’s power is Basketball. Michiru - Another power that’s just canonical: Wealth. Ridiculous, tremendous wealth. Hotaru - The funniest thing for Hotaru to be in a zany cartoon world is Even More Spooky. Nothing changes except the artstyle and a ridiculous supervillain cape.  -- Regalli  [Pluto, man. Fantastic and brilliant and I legit WANT THIS. Also though, Hotaru with a cape.]

*  Usagi gains the ability to eat anything and everything like the Tazmanian Devil, though she shares none of his aggressive personality; Minako enjoys fucking with people by bending reality (you know, diving into painted tunnels and stuff like that); Ami is able to utilize and test unreal technology without harm, like jet boots, massive bombs, tornado seeds, etc.; Mako uses body manipulations to change her size and shape--especially for blocking attacks to protect people or grabbing people (coupled with her immense strength); and Rei is the only one aware of the audience beyond the Fourth Wall... She tries not to talk to them but sometimes she just can't help it, especially when Usagi is getting on her nerves.  -- @thehubby  [I said pander to me, and you absolutely did. I can’t stop thinking about Rei trying not to make fourth wall eye contact, then just whirling around all “CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT??!?” and as it turns out, that IS precisely what I wanted.]

---

I’ll be drawing for the bonus liveblog around the start of THE GIFTENING 2020 (currently looking to be Monday, 11 January 2021). Each bonus question is another chance to earn an entry, so keep those answers coming! I CAN ABSOLUTELY AND SHAMELESSLY BE BOUGHT.

[docholligay]

A THING YOU MUST AT SOME POINT DO: Michiru and Zoisite encountering each other in high society.

There was something rather annoying in the fact that the bulk of her class was exactly as oblivious as she had ever assumed. Play the correct notes, in a semblance of order, and above all else, assure that one is properly dressed for the stage, and not a one among them questions the instrument. 

To know that those who shared genetic material could fall for such a farce was all at once appalling and completely expected. 

“Zoi, such an unusual name, do you not find?” She pointedly looked across the small limousine at her siblings. 

Ryuji looked up at her and arched an eyebrow in a way that resembled Michiru’s own so closely it turned her stomach. 

“Our second names are unusual in Tokyo.” he looked back down at his notepad, “Kaioh Michiru Adrienne du Cayard.” 

“Yes,” she smiled, “and for all the use it gets outside of a French government form, it is allowed to be so, Ryuji Léonard du Cayard Kaioh.” 

“I think Zoi is Greek!” Naoko leaned forward, ever attempted to play peacemaker between the two of them, with nothing more than a pair of sneers to show for it. 

“There you are Michiru, you should know this, being so enamored of the continent.” Ryuji chuckled. 

“Well, we cannot both be the self-styled emperor of Japan, and I am afraid I must take the world that is left to me.” She turned to Naoko, “In any case, Zoi is a Greek girl’s name, you silly thing. And additionally, Zoi Sato, to have such an unusual name against such a plain one?”

Ryuji sighed. “To what point and purpose is this line of inquiry, my darling sister?” 

“I was only considering, my dearest brother, that perhaps we are greater fools all to question nothing about his sudden appearance and seeming generosity.” She inclined her head, “A man comes out of nowhere, has seemingly endless resources and yet, it seems, little free cash, knows the finer points and graces of our class, but has no pedigree we can name. The man is a parvenu at best.” She gave a chuckle. “It seems I am the only proper aristocrat in Tokyo.” 

Ryuji considered a moment. He and his youngest sister thought little of each other, but there was a shrewdness in her that he was careful never to deny or discount. 

“It is odd that we do not know his people, I suppose.” The car stopped. “Michiru, I leave you to your suspicions, but I will also leave Sato Zoi to his affairs as well.” 

“Michiru,” Naoko asked cautiously as Ryuji straightened his suit and went to the door, “What do you think Mr. Sato wants?” 

“Of this I have no earthly idea,” she took the hand of the driver and delicately stepped out, “But I shall make it my business to discover it.”

The gala was richly decorated, and it might have been impressive to Michiru if she had not lived all her life in such a gilded cage. Crystal chandeliers sparkled, the finest array of hors d'oeuvres from both Japan and the larger world were served from waiters bearing silver trays,  champagne flowed into cut and polished glassware. None of this so much as piqued the interest or impress of Michiru Kaioh, whose eyes swept around the room looking for someone in particular. 

It was blessing, then, that Haruka had been unable to attend. She was eager and loving and so very brave, but one this Haruka was not, was canny. She had been built for many things, and absolutely none of the were subterfuge. If she had let spill her suspicions about Zoi to Haruka, Haruka would have him cornered in an instant, interrogated hi8m, and been swiftly thrown out of the gala altogether, while learning nothing and giving up her advantage. 

Later, Rei would say something along the lines of sensing an evil energy coming from Zoi, and perhaps that would be true, but Michiru had not needed any sort of Sight to tell that the man was up to no good. It was true, perhaps, that the Sight later tipped her to the idea that it could be Usagi he was after, but on the other hand, Michiru might reason there was no other cause to speak to Mamoru Chiba. 

But Zoi was, of course. Mamoru had been in his sights for the last few gatherings, a man with more money than sense. The only saving grace that might be have been given to him was that the majority of his money was held in trust, still, and Mamoru would not gain access to it until he graduated college. Michiru had always wondered how long the Chiba money would hold out, after that occasion. It was perhaps ungenerous to blame Mamoru’s parents for dying, leaving him with no one who seemed to teach the boy a good bit of sense or how best to manage his investments, and so he had grown into an awkward thing, accepted mostly on the quality of his name and the shine of his coin, but Michiru blamed them nonetheless. It seemed careless. 

“Chiba,” she gave a delicate bow, “How lovely to see you, as always.” 

He responded immediately, and it gave Michiru a slight thrill of pleasure to see his own bow was deeper than her own. He knew his place, at the least. Michiru was imposing, she admitted, in her way, a queenly bearing her mother had taught her from birth. She could bow and look as if she had the upper hand, and the draped-back gown in green satin only accentuated the nobility of her. 

“An honor to have you, grace us, Michiru.” Mamoru had never quite figured out the line between his role as Sailor Moon’s paramour and Mamoru Chiba. In a Moon sense, he outranked Michiru or was at least her equal. In a life sense, he would never dare. “Kaioh Michiru, may I please present Mr. Sato.” 

“Zoi to you, I would hope, madame.” He bowed and kissed her hand. ‘Or mademoiselle, if I should be so hopeful?” 

“Do you often hope of mademoiselles? I had not considered it your manner, but I often find that life is all the more exciting for the things upon which my intuition misleads me.” 

He raised and smiled coyly, still holding on to her hand. “I hope of nothing but a rich life and a happy ending.” 

“It was been my experience that people often mistake that for a life with riches in it, leading their end to be the happiest for others most of all.” 

They stood there a moment, simply looking at each other. Something passed between them in that moment, something Michiru experienced little in her life, and last remembered the first time she met Minako Aino. There is an electricity, when one finds a rival whose skill meets one’s own. 

“You are clever.” He laughed, finally “Not the first to say so, I’m certain.” 

“Michiru is known for her wit, in these circles.” Mamoru nodded, too deeply. He was making himself look obsequious, and Michiru refused to pity him with a glance. 

“Razor sharp, I am sure.” His eyes still locked hers. 

“Careful my dagger, Zoi,” she smiled her small smile, “for it may yet kill again.” 

“Oh! Michiru!” 

It was, there turned out, a worse companion than Haruka in this effort, and Mcihiru could hear her voice echoing off the stone, the click of her too-anxious heels on the marble, the woosh of her dress selected for the way it made her feel a princess and not its seasonable fashion. Michiru clenched her teeth beneath her smile. 

“You look so beautiful!!” Usagi was next to her in an instant, a giggling cream puff swatched in an off the shoulder pink gown with too large a skirt and too many ruffles. “But you always look beautiful, of course, is Haruka here? I have extra snacks! I bet she looks beautiful too. ” 

Usagi offered the plate, containing an indelicate amount of blinis with caviar and lobster toasts. 

“I’m afraid she is not, Usagi, but she will be so pleased to know you asked after her.” She looked to the two of them, “Perhaps you and Mamoru should dance, I know not how long the music will going. The night is waning fast.” 

“Oh, but we’ve only just begun!” Zoi stepped forward, a look in his eyes lean and hungry as he looked to Usagi. “And who might this captivating woman be?” 

At that moment, Michiru could not have told you that Zoi was going to attempt to take Usagi’s silver crystal. She might have felt a prickling of his malice toward the senshi, if she had concentrated, but in this moment she had not. Michiru did not know that there would be quite the battle between ehr and Zoi, in the end. 

But what she did know, was that he sensed something in Usagi, and that he desired her not in the way a man desires a woman, but in the way a starved dog desires a steak. He would consume her bones and all, and she knew that intensely in this moment. 

“This is my...my significant other,” Mamoru tripped, “Tsukino Usagi.” 

“Hi!!” Usagi gave a graceless bow, still smiling brightly, “I see you met Michiru! She’s like a real princess, I think, but she’s nice too!” 

Michiru nearly laughed. She had never been nice a day in her life. Pleasant perhaps, and cordial most certainly, but it was an overabundance of grace in Usagi’s own nature that would cause her to ever call Michiru nice. Chiba was either a perfect idiot or a perfect weakling, and Michiru was not certain wich answer she wished to supply. How could he fail to see the way he looked at her? He was a wolf to a lamb, and he was none the wiser. 

It was another facet of Michiru’s personal tragedy, that she had clever foes and foolish allies. 

“Oh,” Zoi lowered his voice, “But look at you, so like a princess. A perfect mouthful of cotton candy. Don’t you simply melt with sweetness?” 

“Usagi,” Michiru grasped her hand, “I am missing Haruka terribly, and I am so very fond of this piece. WOuld you be so kind as to dance with me? It is a waltz, and very simple, I assure you, so there is no need for shyness.”

Zoi glared at her. “I was hoping--” 

“Yes,” she looked at him. “You were.” 

She swept Usagi off to the dance floor, putting herself in the perfect position, soldier leading her queen. It was very nearly pointless to warn Usagi off of someone she thought to be kind, and to be flirtatious. She would assume only the best of him, and she would witness the gold of his tongue, the jewels of his cleverness, and never suspect them to be so much gilt and paste. It was foolishness, to attempt to warn her. 

But, as she took Usagi into the dance, she knew she had to try.

[min-minn]

Symphony - Chapter Five

A03

Summary: Viktor Nikiforov, tenor prodigy and top student at the Salchow Institute of Music, is looking for an accompanist.

And word around campus is that Yakov Feltsman, Head of Music and conductor of the prestigious Institute Band, is looking for new members.

Yuuri Katsuki is just looking to survive his next Piano recital

OR

The Yuri on CONCERT Music School AU that we all deserve

Pairings: Viktor Nikiforov/ Yuuri Katsuki

Rating: Teen And Up

Content Warning: Anxiety

A/N: *bows profusely* I'm so so sorry it took me this long, and I'm sorry it was a bit of a shorter chapter!

After finishing Fever I had to literally purge myself and get my mind back into this fic properly. This chapter felt like a bit of a warm up - getting ready to throw myself into the deep end that is the story to come. AND BOY AM I READY to throw myself in. I've never wanted to write something so much in my life.

AND ITS THANKS TO ALL OF YOU GREMLINS! Thank you so much for all of the support - I actually don't know how to describe how much it encourages me. Knowing there's people out there who actually want to listen to some crazy story I've dreamt up, it makes me want to wake up in the morning. I hope I can do this story justice and give you some half-decent food to keep us all satiated until YOI gets back from the war...

No music this chapter, but there'll be plenty in the next one! I'm writing it as we speak!I also hope to update this fic on a bit of a stricter schedule - After this weekend I'll be posting a new chapter (sometimes two) every Monday night PST! (Give or take because I'm at the other end of the world and Monday night is actually Tuesday evening for me~) I really want to challenge myself to write this fic as fully as I can, and I don't like keeping people waiting!

And also, of course, find me on twitter or tumblr if you have any questions. I also do art when my brain wants a break from writing which I post there, and I've met some great members of the YOI fandom already around my art and writing so I'm always open to making more! (YALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE, YOU SICKENINGLY BEAUTIFUL HUMANS)

ANYWAY LOTS OF BELATED LOVE,

- Min

Shortly after the practice session, Yuuri had completely thrown himself into his study. His anxiety was nothing new - after however many years of bathroom stalls and car parks and stage wings soaked in fear, the panic attacks were like old friends. And every time they rolled through him, passing through like a tornado and leaving him weak, his first thought was always music.

At least he had his music.

As a child, Yuuri had been blessed with plenty of time to practice. His life was easy-going in Hasetsu - school was simple, friends were simple, home was simple. If anything threw him into an anxious spin, nobody paid any mind when he would slip away quietly to his room, or sprint to Minako’s then studio to use her grand. It was a sort of therapy, he’d decided. There were probably better ways for him to find relief - ways that didn’t border on obsession - but he reasoned that if it worked, if it wasn’t hurting anyone else, then how bad could it be?

When he’d practice to calm himself, it didn’t matter what he played, so long as his fingers were moving along the keys. Sometimes it was Liszt. Sometimes Chopin. Sometimes jazz or simple accompaniment pieces. He even had a small folder of pop songs and film scores that slipped into his rotation every now and then. Phichit always loved listening to Yuuri play pieces from The King and the Skater – his ‘absolute favourite movie of all time, no exceptions’- though that usually only happened when they were drinking at home, Phichit screeching along at the top of his lungs while Yuuri stumbled his way through the chords.

Now that Yuuri was focussed on his thesis and composition, he had plenty to fill up his practice time. And so, after the disastrous practice session, blinded slightly by tears and desperate to get his hands on his keyboard, bitterly afraid of running into Viktor, he’d come home with Phichit and all but chained himself to his piano. Had run over the notes from his last session with Lilia. Practiced scales and glissandos and tremolos until his nails dug into his skin. Written pages after pages of ideas - notes erased and moved like chess pieces across the bars. Ideas scrawled in fine pencil in the margins - sometimes in English, sometimes in Japanese.

Very soon, as the days drifted past, the events of that practice session - and with it, the painful thoughts of Viktor - drowned into quiet at the back of his mind. Phichit was kind enough not to bring it up, though he was quite busy with his own practice and some latest video project he’d been commissioned to do.

Sometimes the thoughts would resurface - particularly if Yuuri spotted a flash of silver hair across the quad, or heard someone say his name in passing - but all in all, Yuuri felt he was slowly putting the whole thing behind him.

It had been a relatively productive week by the time Yuuri’s next session with Lilia rolled around. He was still slightly nervous - certain that she’d be just as cold and ruthless as their first meeting - but the edge was taken off ever so slightly since he knew, now, what to expect. He almost felt comforted, knowing with certainty that he was going to be chewed up and spat out by the diva. Kind of fitting.

He deserved it, after all.

Because that was the one constant as his mind reeled. As he tried to make sense of the strange events surrounding Viktor. As he tried to reason and brute force his way through all his emotions with some sort of logic.

He wasn’t good enough for him. Wasn’t good enough for The Institute Band. Wasn’t good enough to even be here at SIM…

“Do I have your complete attention, Mr. Katsuki?” A voice cut across his thoughts.

“Oh! Yes, Madame Baranovskaya. Of course,” he quickly straightened in the piano stool, Lilia was a constant presence behind him as she scanned his movements. He’d drifted off while playing again – working his way through the first movement of his composition piece to try and show her what he’d been working on.

“I admire your appreciation of the musicality of your piece, Mr. Katsuki, but we’re strictly working on tempo today,” she said coolly, eyes flashing as she looked down at him. Yuuri’s heart sank ever so slightly – if only he could keep his mind in check for one second perhaps he’d be worthy of Lilia’s time. But, of course, who was he kidding? He hardly had any right to be here, under her supervision, let alone at this school…

“And I do believe,” she said in an oddly soft tone, “This piece was originally intended to be played in a major key, correct?”

Yuuri blinked, furrowing his brow. Had he been playing in a minor key? He could hardly remember…

“Yes, of course” he dipped his head in embarrassment.

“Celestino did warn me about your tendency to get lost in the music,” she continued, pursing her lips as she appraised him. Her gaze never failed to set his teeth on edge. Like he was on display, completely exposed and slowly being picked apart. He swallowed as the silence dragged on, bracing himself for the inevitable reprimand.

“You can use that to your advantage, if you have someone skilled enough to record your playing,” and her voice was rather quiet. Almost as if she were speaking to herself. “You have a unique way of phrasing that would do you wonders if you were actually paying attention.”

Yuuri tried to hide the blush he could feel warming his ears at her words. Was it …meant to be some kind of compliment? He’d never heard someone speak that way about his playing before.

“I’ll see what I can do,” and her voice was back to its usual strict tone. “For now, Mr. Katsuki. Tempo.”

Their session lasted most of the afternoon, the sun dipping low as they came to a close after hours of metronome instructed exercises and Lilia’s constant reprimands and observations. It felt like Yuuri had run a mental marathon by the time she called the session to a close.

But it was a good feeling, in its own way. He knew he’d hardly have the mental energy to worry about running into Viktor on his way to the bus. To worry about what Lilia really thought of him as a student. It was like a kind of mental static – too exhausted to even bring up coherent thoughts as he slowly packed his sheet music and notes away.

Lilia offered him a few pointers for his practice at home, giving strict instructions for their next session. He bid her farewell and made his way to the door, only to be stopped by the sound of her clearing her throat.

“And, Mr. Katsuki,” she called after him. He turned back toward her and took in her severe silhouette as she stood by the grand, expression unreadable.

“Congratulations,” she said, mouth a hard line, though her eyes seemed … uncharacteristically warm.

Yuuri blinked.

“Congratulations?” he asked quietly.

Congratulations for what?

“Try not to celebrate too much this weekend,” and Yuuri all but choked as he watched Lilia … smile? It was thin, hardly reaching her eyes, but it was a smile nonetheless.

Celebrate?

What on earth—

Yuuri didn’t get the chance to question her, however, as her phone suddenly rang loudly, filling the room with a strange ringtone. Some kind of high staccato singing. She picked it up quickly and waved for him to leave, greeting whoever had called in a stoic manner.

Yuuri hurried out of the room. The whole meeting was quite strange – stranger than his first meeting that still gave him chills when he remembered how cold Lilia had been with him. Despite how exhausted he felt, he couldn’t help but gnaw on the thought in his mind;

Why had she congratulated him?

He was still worrying away at the question when he rounded the corner and came into one of the common areas. It was a large, spacious room with high ceilings – couches and coffee tables huddled in one corner with tables and chairs filling what remained. There were large expanses of wall space taken up by posters and flyers of every kind. It was the main common area at the school – the one where all of the latest news and postings always ended up. Things like simple advertisements for local concerts or gigs that students were involved in. Flyers looking for roommates or accompanists.

But there was also one wall dedicated to official postings. It was a dividing wall that cut through the room, and it was often crowded at this time of year.

Today it was positively crammed with students.

The noise was overwhelming, Yuuri finding himself flinching ever so slightly as he realised how many people he’d have to pass just to get to the exit. There was shouting and screaming, what sounded like someone practicing scales on a clarinet. There was laughter, and as the crowd came into view, Yuuri could see countless people jostling each other for space around the wall.

Yuuri distantly remembered that today was important, though he couldn’t remember why. There must be a posting – parts for the SIM Musical perhaps? Or maybe there’d been new chairs announced for the orchestra?. Yuuri knew none of it would apply to him, however. He hadn’t auditioned in years, preferring to just focus on the orchestra when he needed to. He ducked his head to make sure nobody recognised him, tucking his chin into his scarf and making his way toward the exits.

A familiar voice rang out across the din and he froze in his tracks.

“Yuuri! Yuuri, over here!”

Viktor.

Viktor’s voice.

His legs turned to water the second the realisation hit him, and he barely had the strength to turn towards the sound. He cursed his high-functioning anxiety for choosing to auto-pilot right at that moment. He wanted nothing more than to pretend he hadn’t heard him and bolt for the doors, but his body seemed to move on its own. Wooden and puppeteered by years of trying to appear normal in social situations. Not to mention the uncomfortable flip his heart did in his chest that took control of his pulse quickly.

He turned to see Viktor standing at the front of the crowd, shouldering his way through and making his way towards him with a beaming grin lighting up his features. It almost hurt to look at. Like staring straight into the sun.

Yuuri figured Viktor must be greeting him out of pity. He could see a few of the school’s best and brightest hanging near where Viktor was standing by the posting wall, so it was unsettling to see Viktor prying himself away from his elite friends, focussed on Yuuri instead. Christophe Giacometti, the school’s top double bassist, stood out instantly, his curly blonde hair all too visible in the sea of browns and blacks. He was one of Viktor’s closest friends, Yuuri knew, and the man seemed to be shouting something after Viktor, though his voice was lost as someone blasted a note on a trombone nearby.

“Congratulations, Yuuri!” Viktor cried, breaking free of the crowd and all but running over to him. The uneasiness of Lilia’s words returned with full force.

Congratulations for what?

“V—Viktor,” Yuuri said in a small voice by way of a greeting, though it sounded more like a question, a deep sense of dread beginning to work it’s way into his chest. He hadn’t spoken with Viktor since their last practice – hadn’t replied to the one text message he’d sent. He hadn’t even opened it, too petrified of what it might entail to even read the opening line. Viktor would surely be offended at Yuuri’s silence. It had been just over a week since their practice, after all.

“I’m so thrilled you decided to audition in the end,” Viktor said breathlessly, rearranging his shirt after being tossed around in the crowd. He stood just slightly too close, eyes bright as he watched Yuuri with all the excitement of a child.

Wait…

Audition?

“Wh—what?” Yuuri’s voice came out as a strangled squeak as he felt himself grow pale. Audition? As in—?

But before he could finish the thought, another familiar voice rang out across the room. He turned to see Phichit, red-faced and gasping for air as he all but sprinted toward Yuuri from the doors on the other side of the room, saxophone slung precariously across his shoulder, satchel bouncing against his hip as he ran.

“Yuuri my love!” He all but screamed, crashing into Yuuri with full force, crushing him in a hug. Yuuri barely had time to register Viktor clearing his throat behind him, crying out as Phichit tackled him.

“I’m so sorry! Did you find out already? Shit! I can’t believe I missed it! All that work for nothing,” and around Phichit’s senseless rambling Yuuri managed to gasp a few confused words and worm his way out of the hug.

“Phichit, what on earth is going on—?” but there was another strong grip on his shoulder that froze the words in his throat, Yuuri crying out in shock as he spun around. It was Otabek – the Otabek, from their practice session. And he was standing over him, clapping him on the back, face stoic as he nodded. The man offered a thumbs up, blinking once, not saying a word, before walking past him toward the exit. Yuuri watched him wide-eyed and more confused than ever as Otabek wandered toward a small figure with a guitar slung over his back.

Toward Yuri. The other Yuri. With blonde hair peeking out from a black hoodie, leopard print across its back. The smaller man glanced back to him with piercing eyes, waving at him in a way that seemed almost … friendly?

It was all too much. Why were they all here? Why was Yuri waving at him? Why was Viktor bouncing up and down where he stood, Phichit running his mouth like a stream?

Why was everyone so excited?

“Phichit,” Yuuri’s voice was weak, breaking ever so slightly as that same sense of dread bloomed into full-blown fear. “What's going on?”

“Huh?” Phichit glanced at him worriedly, stopping his rambling as he took in Yuuri’s expression, though he still had a ridiculously wide grin plastered on his face. “What do you mean?”

“Why is everyone congratulating me?” Yuuri whispered, eyes darting nervously between his best friend and Viktor as they stood, watching him like he was the only person in the world who didn’t know…

“Oh, Yuuri…” Phichit’s eyes grew wide, his feet shuffling as he took a tentative step closer, hand reaching out instinctively. “It’s okay, don’t—“

“What did he mean by audition, Phichit?” Yuuri said distantly, the light from the wide windows flashing off his glasses, eyes hidden.

Phichit swallowed.

“Yuuri, I need you to take deep breaths,” Phichit said slowly, two hands out now. Wary.

“What did you do?” Yuuri all but whispered, feeling his stomach threaten to drop to the floor. Surely not. Surely Phichit would never…

“Well,” Phichit swallowed again, rubbing the back of his neck and throwing Viktor a desperate look. “You know that, ah, project? The video one?”

“You didn’t,” Yuuri breathed, taking a small step backwards as his legs threatened to give way. He could fit the pieces together easily enough. The video project. An audition. All the strange secrecy and vague answers.

“I may or may not have,” and Phichit’s eyes were concerned. Fearful. But there was that typical sparkle of mischief and excitement that – in any other circumstance – would have won Yuuri over.

But this was…

“Wait, what’s going on?” Viktor asked cheerily, face slightly confused as he glanced between the two friends. He spoke like someone at ease with slotting himself into conversations, and Yuuri found himself marvelling at the social confidence, despite it all.

“Ah, I’m a terrible friend,” Phichit said with an exasperated smile. “I filmed our practice the other day and sent it to Yakov by way of an audition.”

Yuuri felt like all of the words were coming at him from a great distance – like he’d suddenly slipped into a well, sound and light having trouble reaching his senses. Audition. Practice. Yakov. Film…

“Yuuri please, hear me out,” Phichit said quickly. “I knew you’d never have the balls to audition on your own and now the hard part’s out of the way! You were accepted!”

Yuuri blinked.

“No I wasn’t,” he whispered matter-of-factly, shaking his head ever so slightly. He couldn’t have been accepted, it must have been some kind of mistake.

“But you were, Yuuri!” Viktor said with a dazzling grin, eyes bright as he reached and gripped Yuuri by the shoulders. The touch sent flames licking along Yuuri’s veins, and if it weren’t for Viktor’s strong grip, he knew he would have fallen right then and there.

“Come and see!” and he was suddenly being whisked through the crowd, bodies pressing against him tightly as Viktor reached down to hold his hand, tugging him along after him like a kite, Phichit trailing behind with a steadying hand on his back.

They made their way to the posting wall, faces crammed towards the small piece of paper pinned to the centre of the board.

It read, in a simple non-descript font:

2016 Institute Band Members

Saxophones

Alto: Phichit Chulanont

Tenor1: Guang Hong Ji

Tenor2: Leo De La Iglesia

Trumpets

1st: Jean-Jaques Leroy

2nd: Sara Crispino

3rd: Seung-gil Lee

Trombones

1st: Emil Nikola

2nd: Michele Crispino

Rhythm

Double Bass: Christophe Giacometti

Guitar: Yuri Plisetsky

Percussion: Otabek Altin

Piano: Yuuri Katsuki

Vocalists

Viktor Nikiforov

Mila Babicheva

Practice this Thursday, March 16th, 6pm sharp

- Yakov Feltsman

Yuuri felt the ground fall away beneath him.

“Yuuri? Yuuri!” Phichit managed to catch him as he fell, holding his shoulders firmly and giving them a slight shake.

Yuuri distantly registered that Viktor was still holding him by the hand…

“It can’t be real,” Yuuri whispered, attempting to steady himself. Yakov had seen him practice – had seen his lack-lustre playing with Viktor and Yuri and Otabek there to outshine him at every turn. Had seen it and …

Accepted him?

“I can assure you, it’s real,” Viktor said with a smile, and as Phichit helped Yuuri stay on his feet, Yuuri noticed that Viktor was smiling at him warmly. But his eyes were … troubled? He seemed to be searching Yuuri’s face, trying to figure something out…

“I’m … sorry,” Yuuri managed to squeeze out, heart clenching painfully as he realise that Vikor was probably disappointed. Probably angry that Yuuri had run him around. “I’m sorry I caused you so much trouble…”

And Viktor’s face fell into a mask of confusion, brows knitting together as those piercing blue eyes continued to search Yuuri’s face. Despite the raucousness of the room, Yuuri couldn’t help but feel himself getting lost in them. Reminded of their first practice session at Minako’s studio…

And Viktor seemed to be about to say something, eyes fervent as he wet his lips, but a hand on Viktor’s shoulder had him turning around before he could speak.

“Congratulations, everyone!” a lilting voice cut across the crowd. Christophe Giacometti. He was about the same height as Viktor, leaning in to offer a knowing smile to Yuuri and Phichit as he joined their little circle at the front of the crowd, pressed close together.

“It’ll be nice to finally have some … fresh meat,” and Yuuri watched on in horror as Christophe licked his lips, eyes heavy-lidded. He seemed to be directing his flirting towards Phichit, who took it in his stride easily.

“I do hope you’re gentle with me,” and he laughed, light and easy. Of course. It was all so easy for him. For everyone.

Yuuri found himself running down the list again, taking in every name and feeling his heart stutter uncomfortably in his chest when he saw his own name nestled among them. He knew them all – all accomplished musicians. All ridiculously talented. All self-assured and socially confident and…

“Let’s get a drink to celebrate!” Christophe exclaimed, wrapping an arm effortlessly around Viktor’s shoulder.

Oh.

Oh.

Yuuri took in the gesture and felt a strange twist in his gut.

“Yes!” Phichit jumped on the spot, pumping his fist and letting out another giggle of excitement. Yuuri reached for Phichit’s sleeve, tugging ever so slightly to get his attention. No. Not drinking…

Phichit seemed to notice, chewing on his lower lip and leaning in to try and speak with him in confidence.

“Come on, Yuuri,” Phichit whispered behind his hand, making eyes at him that made Yuuri feel guilty and angry and... “I know you’re freaking out right now but trust me. This will do you the world of good,” and before Yuuri could protest, Phichit suddenly creased his brow and gave him a pleading look, eyes darting back to Christophe pointedly, who was now chatting away with a few of the other members who had gathered around them.

Yuuri took the hint. Phichit had had a crush on Chris for as long as Yuuri had had a crush on Viktor. Of course, Phichit would want to take up the opportunity to go out drinking with him.

In the whirl of emotions and shock and terror that started to simmer just under Yuuri’s skin, Yuuri found himself helpless when he saw Phichit’s expression. When he turned and saw Viktor’s expression, wrapped in Chris’ arms and gazing after him…

Hopefully?

“Oh do come, Yuuri,” Viktor said gently, eyes warm, mouth set in a soft smile. “At least let me buy you a drink to apologise.”

Yuuri furrowed his brow and moved to speak; “Apologise?” But the words were lost as his voice broke and Chris let loose a loud laugh. There was another tall man with a trumpet case in hand – Jean-Jaques, Yuuri distantly recalled – talking with him. Was he coming too?

Yuuri felt like he was drowning. Everyone wanted to celebrate. All smiles and laughter and loud, loud, loud.

And between Phichit’s desperate puppy dog eyes and Viktor’s piercing blue stare, Yuuri found himself nodding, though everything screamed at him to run.

[sombrz]

Please imagine me just delivering these on a platter to ur sickbed: akira, minako, ochako, iida, (tries to think of a marvel comic person) uhh flash

thank you, thank you. who needs cough medicine when you have shipping.

(edit: i’m 99% healthy. it took me that long to finish this mess.)

AKIRA: okay, i think i remember telling you how i was pretty chill with akira ships. like, if done right, i don’t mind any of them, except for futaba (because they’re siblings, fu). besides our collective issues with atlus and their inability to not be weird when it comes to the girls. also, i feel like what makes the p5 kids feel the most like actual friends is also what makes it harder for me to fully invest in any individual dynamic - they all meet throughout the course of the game (even ann and ryuji aren’t close friends beforehand, and there’s definitely no drama between them) and they help each other heal and get past their abusers so that they can have a fresh start and feel free to be normal teenagers. so there’s little to actually grab onto when searching for….anything layered? like, compared to the p3 kids who have so much inner turmoil that they take out on each other - or the p4 kids, who can’t be completely truthful to themselves or each other. the p5 kids do have baggage, but not with each other. which makes for healthier bonds but also more boring ship dynamics lmao. all very cute and fluffy, but not a lot of substance. 

point is, i don’t really have much to say? like akira/yusuke is fun and silly. akira is eccentric and cool enough to go along with yusuke’s antics, and even though p5 always gives us an option to be mean, i can’t imagine akira ACTUALLY thinking that kind of stuff? like, he’s a weirdo too so he just. gets it. yusuke basically takes akira out on dates during his social link. they lend themselves well to model/artist headcanons and aus. they don’t realize they’re dating until a few months into their relationship - one of the others had to point it out and yusuke’s like ‘oh? is that what this is??’ and akira’s like ‘thank god’ bc he was too awkward to bring it up himself. futaba makes fun of them a lot.

akira and ryuji are cute too. i’ve gotten a bit fond of the boner squad (br)ot3 too. just ann/ryuji/akira being dumbasses. or ann/shiho+ryuji/akira being dumbasses while going on double dates. there’s also not really much to it - just the usual persona teen boy ‘no-homo-bromo-but-it’s-actually-homo’ fare. ryuji’s less possessive and repressed about it than yosuke is, though. which is good (ie more healthy) bc it’s more like akira found himself a human puppy jock boyfriend, and it’s cute! ryuji instantly decided he liked akira and started planning their secret handshake and selecting their cool delinquent hangout spot. and akira just smiles through it all bc he’s charmed. morgana gives akira the most judgemental stare ever when he finds out though. 

i like akira/haru bc she’s who i dated in my playthrough. they’re soft and sweet and i think a slow relationship built on patience is good for both of them. and they have the most obvious phantom thief couple aesthetic, tbh. they also have the ‘demure wallflower by day, trigger-happy hellion by night’ thing going on. i love the idea of them opening up a coffee place together (their futures align! this is the SO that sojiro approves the fastest lbr!) and akira being haru’s trophy husband (let this man be someone’s trophy husband).

akira/goro’s the one with the most depth lmao as our boy akechi gets the short end of the stick re: what everyone else got - to defeat their abuser and come out the other side a new and improved person. INSTEAD, it’s all about deep-rooted envy and what-ifs. when i replayed p5 for my friend’s benefit, she kept being like ‘wow ok akechi’s got….the most obvious crush on mc. why is he always here? why does he talk like that? omg?’ and my sentiments exactly. AKIRA’S thoughts exactly, tbh, bc what else is he supposed to get out of some of the things that come out of goro’s mouth. but it’s like….he DOES like akira, but he also resents his existence because akira gets to have real bonds and happiness despite the crappy hand dealt to him. and their own bond is based on careful lies and observing each other for any cracks in their armour. but there’s that undertone of wishing that they’d met in other circumstances, where they COULD have a normal relationship and get to know each other in a way that’s not ‘we levelled up our relationship when you shot me in the face with the intent of murdering me and framing me for my own death but really, i tricked you and you didn’t actually kill me & now we can defeat you and your dad! ha! checkmate!!’ but i love that that’s actually part of the dynamic so lmao.

MINAKO: you know, despite minako and minato being considerably different (both their external personality/appearances > emo boy/preppy girl  - and the changes in their dialogue choices > again, minako is a lot more confrontational and energetic), i pretty much just ship them with the same people?

the only exceptions of this being i ship minako with shinjiro and yukari but can’t really fathom either of them with minato. (it’s bc yukari is a lesbian and shinji does not deal well with sullen people. like, what’s he supposed to do? pat minato on the back?) 

i will also warn that it’s been….forever since p3 so i’m kinda fuzzy on details. 

anywhoooooo, AIGIS. main protag ship is aigis. idc which protag, but i must give atlus my once-in-a-blue-moon compliment because they kept aigis’ social link and her blatantly romantic feelings for the protag the exact same in portable. so minako/aigis is just as canon as minato/aigis, buahaha. anyway. robot girlfriend who starts off being somehow programmed to feel protective/indebted to minako but then starts developing real genuine feelings as she explores her humanity, minako wanting to show aigis how to enjoy herself while putting the emphasis on aigis’ feelings and opinions but also being so amazed and grateful for aigis’ love and attention. also, the difference between protags here being that while minato is silently intimate, minako is loudly loving. the utter tragedy that is aigis not being able to save the person she cares about, the imagery of minako’s head in her lap while they wait for the end is….A Lot. i think in a lot of tragic robot/human romance fiction, the robot gives up its life for their human partner so i like the reverse here - with aigis having to experience the emotions of loss and depression and overcoming that because she truly loved mina(k/t)o and now they’re gone. it’s heavy! it’s a lot! i just remembered i never finished the p3 movies! i should do that!

there’s ryouji. again, don’t care which protag - just like the idea of our mc flirting with death. literally flirting with the avatar of death. the double sides of the ship: goofy teenage flirting vs warning of impending doom. ryouji just being like ‘yeah just kill me it’s for the best i’m actually here to destroy the world or w/e’ to his gf (or bf) out of nowhere on christmas eve lmao. it’s fun, idk.

yukari! honestly, taking out all the forced hetero ship teasing made me ship her with minako more lmao their social link was just better! no offense! and their personalities mesh better too - i feel like yukari would get way too frustrated with a closed-off partner and i love concept of: the huffy takes-no-shits girl being soft for her cheerful outgoing gf. also, i spent way too long imagining the answer with minako - the aigis/minako/yukari would be heartwrenching and we deserve it. 

shinjiro! can i start off by saying it’s a good thing shinji was in p3, which did the best job of showing the characters apart from the protagonist and main plot (prob bc on the other hand, it did the worst job with social links seeing as none of the guys had them) - i feel like in p4 or p5, we wouldn’t have gotten to know him nearly as well before he died. anyway, his social link with minako is really sweet and a romance between them hits my ‘tsundere/flustered boy not knowing how to deal with affection from pretty girl he respects a lot’ checkpoints. and i need to talk about this: i feel like the decision to make him comatose instead of dead if you romance him was a double edged sword disguised as a blessing lol. because he was still DYING before he got shot, and also he wakes up just in time to find out his girlfriend died! fhdhfgdjd! 

                      —————————————————————– 

uraraka……okay: i ship her with tsuyu, bakugou, iida, mina and toga. 

oh, here’s a story. before i got into bnha, i stumbled on a bunch of deku/uraraka amvs and they were so precious. like, really, deku and ochako are the cutest goddamn things in this series. seeing them side by side makes me want to channel my inner grandmother and pinch their cheeks. it was, like, the only thing i knew about bnha at first, so i just figured i’d end up shipping it whenever i eventually got to watching it bc i’m easy to please like that. but ha. nah. it’s sad bc i love their dynamic when it’s focusing on their actual friendship but then the actual romantic hints made me want to roll my eyes so hard. it’s so BORING if you take it at face-value, and i’m so boggled by it if you look deeper bc i don’t understand what hori’s planning here. it’s irritating bc even uraraka admits that her borderline obsession (and that’s what it is, since it’s compared to TOGA’S CRUSHES…y’know, our resident yandere serial killer?) is detrimental to her growth as a hero. and i know it’s partially bc she’s a teenager but its blown so out of proportion. it’s a crush!! relax!!! like, compare to deku’s crush on uraraka where after he got over his initial anxiety of talking to girls, he - at most - just blushes a little when she stands too close or dresses extra-cute. every other time, he treats her no differently than any of his other friends. but then uraraka’s crush is treated like. this weirdly twisted admiration she doesn’t even WANT. she relates to a villain’s desire to imitate and become the person they like, she gets ridiculously jealous every time he looks at another girl, she keeps fucking up because she focuses too much on him and how to be like him. it’s weird. idk. typical fiction tropes lead me to believe i’m supposed to root for them to get together (and bnha will end with an epilogue where they have a child named after a food) but the story i’m being told makes me want to root for uraraka to succeed at getting over those feelings! idfk!!!

also, i have to laugh at the way horikoshi decided to tell us and uraraka herself that these feelings were romantic. by having aoyama just be like ‘oh you were thinking what would izuku midoriya do? could it be you love him?’ when we see multiple male friends of deku’s (iida and todo, in particular - hell, even aoyama himself) have similar WWMD thoughts and he, in turn, instantly imitates bakugou whenever he hits a roadblock (taking inspiration from to downright copying bakugou’s moves, trash talking his opponents, etc). am i supposed to see only uraraka’s feelings as romantic? why? because she’s a girl and deku’s a guy?

i like it better when iida’s involved. both iida and uraraka are so sweet and enthusiastic to counter deku’s more nervous personality, and they’re a very good trio! i tend to prefer them as a brot3 but as i said, i do ship iida/uraraka seperately! i don’t have any big reasons for it except i enjoy how contagiously energetic and silly they are around each other? dramatic too - remember the ‘REACH FOR MY HAND’ scene when all the UA students were freaking out? it’s just a simple best friend dynamic like what they have with deku but there’s no weird one-sided jealousy/competitiveness involved (luckily, iida got over it after the stain arc haha). they don’t end up feeling bad or unworthy of the praise they get from the other - which is great, because they’re very complimentary towards each other! iida is so understanding (his immediate reaction to uraraka being self-conscious about her reason for pursuing heroism) & uraraka is usually the one who vocalizes how cool and talented iida is (while also giggling her ass off whenever he gets all extra-dramatic)! tbh, curse their aborted moment after iida’s match with mei! let them praise each other!!! i like that their seats are so close to each other too - i wonder how horikoshi decided on the seating plan. but uraraka’s tendency to shake iida by the shoulders is precious & i bet you he breaks his staunch ‘follow-every-rule’ mentality when it comes to uraraka writing him little notes in class. also, maybe uraraka just deserves a sweet+rich boyfriend. it’s that easy. lmao.

i already talked about bakugou/uraraka. it’s great, dripping with potential, needs more canon interaction. i only trust a portion of its fanbase to do them properly. but this is the case for almost every big ship. (where’s that one fandom meme where one of the questions was like ‘what do you hate seeing in fanfic/content for them’ bc NOW THAT I’M ACTUALLY READING FANFIC AGAIN, LEMME TELL YOU. BEING A MULTISHIPPER IS HARD.)

tsuyu and uraraka are just genuinely a good match? i like the contrast between uraraka - who is emotional and upbeat - and tsuyu - who is calm and rational. but they’re both very perceptive? their first night at the dorms is a good indicator of how their dynamic works. the others are quick to accept that tsuyu doesn’t want to play along with the room competition, but uraraka both provides the excuse and lingers behind with worry. she probably had to convince tsuyu that it was okay for her to vocalize her feelings to the bakugou rescue squad, and volunteered to be with her during said confrontation. compare to the forest where tsuyu sweetly and calmly offers uraraka her hand because she sees her friend is scared, without actually needing to say anything else. they’re sweethearts. i absolutely adore them. oh, and i dig their earth/sky + pink/green aesthetic clash.

uraraka and mina are based on two things: 1) they’re always hugging and hanging out in official art/sketches (mina even has a selfie of them hanging on her wall of pics in her room) so i can only assume they’re super-close gal pals that should kiss, 2) i love shipping silly idiots together and it’s hard to find ships like this that are f/f but these two fit that specific chaotic mold!!! and 3) AESTHETIC DREAM!!! PINK SPACE GIRLS!!!! DO I NEED ANY OTHER REASONS? NO. NO, I DO NOT.

HOLY SHIT, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT’S OFFICIALLY CANON THAT TOGA HAS A ROMANTIC CRUSH ON URARAKA? again, i could write an essay on coding and how frustrating it is for characters like toga to usually be bi/pan. but no one’s claiming this a win for rep. and i’m FASCINATED by this dynamic. toga loves stain-sama for his ideals and how that enables her nature to kill. she loves deku-kun out of curiousity for his ideals and the fact they met when he was beaten to a pulp lmao. and she loves ochako-chan because she sees herself in her - she thinks that they share ideals. again, i have no idea what the long-term meaning for this development is but it’s clearly pitting them against each other? and adding a romantic element to that is hmmmmmmmmm. we’ll see, we’ll see. and like i mentioned above, it’s shocking and worrying and makes me ship uraraka and toga more that uraraka ALSO sees the similarity between her and toga. she’s horrified by the implications of it but she hears toga’s spiel and tries to fruitlessly deny that ‘yeah, she’s right. that’s how i am. we’re the same.’ if i were to ever write a traitor!uraraka fanfic (which i would if i could ever FINISH a writing project), it’d be uraraka/toga and uraraka trying to convince herself she’s better than toga, that she still has a moral code and her reasons for joining the league have more weight to it, and she doesn’t!!! care!!! what toga thinks of her!!! and expecting a rivalry but toga doesn’t meet that head-on because instead, toga wants to be close and connected to uraraka. toga has this kind of mature soft side we’ve seen before (with twice) that shows how she can see you at your core (her fight w/ uraraka also showed that) and i want to see uraraka to be on the end when she thinks she doesn’t deserve it and doesn’t trust toga and just being frustrated and confused over it all.

                        —————————————————————– 

iida…….i think deku, todoroki, uraraka and aoyama are my biggest ships for him. also, i don’t ship it myself but momo/iida/todoroki’s rich kid squad is A REALLY FUN DYNAMIC AND OT3.

LET’S BE REAL: IIDA/DEKU IS SO UNDERAPPRECIATED IN THIS FANDOM. ALL IIDA SHIPS ARE BUT….IIDA/DEKU. iida’s goddamn….tucked deku into bed. threw his hat in the ring of rivals. there’s official art of iida giving deku a shoulder ride. he punched him to make him see how his actions are affecting him - “haven’t you thought about how *I* feel [about you putting yourself in peril]?!” like. bro. okaaaay. i still laugh that they got on the wrong foot initially - deku was so scared of iida sjfhhf like he was equally worried he’d be stuck in the same class as iida as he was about kacchan. thankfully, iida’s a sweetheart who cares with all his heart, and he sees all that there is to admire about deku, so they became instant friends after that. and iida means SO MUCH to deku. i pay a lot of attention to how future!deku talks in his narration, because he normally interrupts the narrative to move the story along - by talking about minor time skips, the movement of the villains, etc. but he also tends to wax a bit poetic about his friends. like when he interrupted everything to give us a side-story about how and aoyama became bffs. so we can assume that aoyama’s friendship means a lot to adult izuku. or how comforting and important it is to me that even as an adult, he refuses to stop calling bakugou ‘kacchan’. it’s sweet. in that same vein, it strikes me that deku still holds an amount of guilt for not supporting iida better during the whole ingenium-stain debacle. it ended….much better than it could have, and that experience was what strengthened iida/deku/todo’s relationship. yet as an adult, deku still wishes he could have done more. offered iida the help he needed before he went rushing in. hoo. but anyway, yeah, they’re cute! wholesome nerd boys! cute height difference! also yeah, i’m glad that iida got over his sports-festival-era feelings of inferiority towards deku. deku loves competition, but you can tell that he didn’t want that out of his relationship with iida (compare to how he outright covets a rivalry with bakugou and accepted it from todoroki w/ his head held high). it wasn’t based on healthy feelings and they’re so much better as supportive bfs.

iida and todoroki have a lot of stuff in common as legacy heroes who were trained from childhood to be heroes - with the major difference that todoroki faced horrifying abuse that prevented him from having a close relationship with his siblings and made him want to reject his legacy, while the iidas are good folk and iida’s brother means the world to him and he’s so far one of the only heroes we know to reuse a superhero identity based on legacy. and even the painful bullshit (like the ‘take out your muffler and a new, stronger one will grow in’ thing) was something that iida went through on his own accord and with warning. and todoroki’s words of encouragement during the stain arc were based on his own life lesson! they both come off as very serious and abrasive elites at first glance, but they’re actually dorky and socially awkward! but i think they get each other - i imagine they have a very calming friendship, no need for pretenses and judgement, and they deserve that! they probably think the other is hilarious too even though absolutely no one else gets the joke! they had a lot of cute moments recently since they were paired in the same 1A vs 1B match. like iida can just…tell the minute differences in todoroki’s expression and demeanour apart and knows when there’s something wrong. and they’re just so humble and sweet and can’t handle the other being self-deprecating. they’re good boys, brent.

already talked about iida/uraraka. they’re cute, i love them.

AOYAMA THOUGH. knight boys! they were so good during the exam! it really got me that aoyama didn’t even consider the idea that iida might not abandon him, might want to help him and win together instead of just use him to get ahead himself - and iida didn’t even really get the emotional realization aoyama went through there but he was still like ‘YEAH WE DID GOOD! I’M GLAD YOU FEEL BETTER! THUMBS UP! :D’ they’re both very dramatic and - i don’t know how to describe it….they pose a lot, talk with their limbs. they’re silly, is what i mean. and maybe aoyama ALSO deserves a loving, rich boyfriend. MAYBE IIDA SHOULD BE EVERYONE’S LOVING RICH BOYFRIEND. but in this case, aoyama’s boyfriend who will carry him bridal-style everywhere, much to aoyama’s glee lol. except when he’s dragging him along via his cape. whatever works.

also, side note, i find it kinda interesting that fandom pairs him up with girls like mei and camie - when i just….feel like he’d be so out of his element and sooo overwhelmed? i’m wincing just thinking about it lol poor iida.

                        —————————————————————–

i’m glad you specified marvel bc if you’d just said ‘comic’, i would have assumed you meant THE flash and i would be forced to sit here and think of every dc speedster ship…..well, it wouldn’t be as bad as spidey ships (honestly i’m very basic with speedsters - it’s just like ‘speedster/their spouse’ with the adults (even wally - linda or bust, tbh) and ‘speedster/their best friends’ with the teens), but we’d be here longer. 

BUT FLASH THOMPSON? i already mentioned my two big ones, with venom and peter but i’m def willing to talk more about them.

 flash/venom, a man and his gooey alien husband. i love that it’s a relationship based on self-growth and healing from past hurt and stopping destructive habits and cycles (both that cause self-harm and harm onto others). one of my favourite panels is still where flash pleads with peter to not let his anger seep into venom because venom’s gotten past all that. he’s a better person (being. alien. thing.) now and doesn’t want to turn to feeding on rage ever again. and that’s true for flash (a victim of child abuse who bottled up all that sadness and rage and took his aggression out on other kids) as well. it’s just so….nice. and venom credits all this to flash. and a thing i find about venom is that its unhealthy dynamics are all about control - you’re just its host, it possesses you against your will, you become an out-of-control villain. but with flash, venom sees a partner and home - they need and belong with each other, they communicate and cooperate, they became a superhero. also i love how they’re seriously affectionate and intimate - that’s just kind of a given with venom, i think, because you have to invite & accept it as part of yourself. but flash is so soft with venom - while he’s not as….hm, vocal about it as eddie ‘ooh my love my darling~’ brock is (he’s also a bit less obsessive haha sorry eddie), he’s so protective and likes giving venom headscratches and kissy faces to the point others react to it like they would witnessing PDA. i just want flash to be all cute and smooch his husband when they’re not like. one singular entity. CAN YOU BELIEVE THE HEALTHIEST DYNAMIC FOR FLASH TO BE IN IS WITH A SYMBIOTIC ALIEN GOO CREATURE? I CAN. AND I’M THANKFUL FOR IT.

 i also ot3 them with eddie for the sake of my peace of mind where everyone’s happy. where venom’s not torn between two loves, and eddie doesn’t feel the need to think things like ‘it’s tough being someone’s second best’ and ‘i’d like to think he’d do the same for me but part of me knows that would be a lie. it’ll always be flash.’ and having those thoughts because he literally FEELS that pull towards flash? like he inherited those feelings, he KNOWS what it’s like to love flash thompson. LIKE, YO????? GIVE ME THAT SYMBIOT3.

then there’s flash/peter, the funniest super/civvie id love triangle in the world. flash having the biggest hero crush on spider-man in high school - so many superheroes to choose from but spidey is the best, because he’s an underdog, because he gets pushed down and refuses to give up, because he’s SO GODDAMN COOL - while simultaneously thinking peter is frankly, the worst? but in that terrible way where he fixates on peter even when he’s not part of the conversation. waiting for him to leave school so he can be mean to him, feeling frustrated whenever he tries to be nice to the guy and peter either ignores, rejects or insults him in return. peter just being like ‘Sigh’ whenever flash insults him by gushing about spidey, but that’s also why he can’t dislike flash no matter how bad their relationship is. how can he hate spidey’s biggest fan? and also he probably gets a good amount of pleasure out of flash’s gf liz allen having a crush on him. peter also does this to johnny and his gf, dorrie evans - they’re frienemies in high school and kind of obsessed with each other,,,,’heRE’S MY LIST OF 500 REASONS WHY I HATE THE HUMAN TORCH’ OK PETE RELAX. so yeah, peter, despite having genuine feelings for betty brant, hits on liz and dorrie whenever they cross paths and lets them use him to make their hot blond boyfriends jealous. (peter, maybe you ARE the worst. stop it.) and then when they get to college and end up in the same friend group, flash slowly realizes that peter is like. hot now? and like, kind of a cool dude who went through a lot! like, he thought peter was a jerk in HS but he’s actually really nice when he wants to be and is always in your corner! ‘wow, i really like and respect pete! i’m proud to be his friend!’ flash thinks while staring at peter’s biceps. meanwhile, peter has no idea what’s going on because he keeps expecting flash to turn back into a dick (and steal one of his girlfriends lmao) but instead, he just keeps proving he’s a great guy! and keeps confiding in him! and uh, complimenting him a lot? and still fanboys over spidey and that’s really endearing! and oh, he’s really gonna miss him whenever he’s on tour and the idea of flash dying is unthinkable and he really likes being his roommate and he’s who he wants to be his best man and he doesn’t get why flash doesn’t seem to realize how great he is, and welp, he just punched captain america in the face for not telling him flash was agent venom. anyway, bottom line: i like dynamics that are very….long-term and constantly changing? so i tend to fall for the enemies/rivals to friends to lovers thing. or friends to enemies to lovers. but this is a former situation for sure.

also, i’m convinced every corner of the college crew pentagon happened. flash and harry MUST have at least made out once and neither was sure how to deal with the aftermath of that for a couple of months. he’s kissed and casually dated gwen AND mj - but i find it interesting that it seems like neither girl really ever considered him a contender. gwen cares about him but sees him as a shoulder to vent to about her issues with peter, and mj has a lot of fun with him but also considers him the male version of her (outgoing and bright but unwilling to commit and act serious). and he interestingly backs down quickly when peter decides to make a move on the girls. like, compared to his love triangle with liz and peter where i feel he was pretty resistant to letting her go - especially to someone like puny parker, he responds to peter’s accusations re: gwen and mj with ‘hey, relax. it’s not like that. i wouldn’t do that to you.’ i take it as him growing up and not feeling the need to overcompensate to impress his dad and also maybe the fact that he’s a bit more aware of how closeted he is. but it’s weirdly different with harry (*cough* cause it’s the first dude aside from peter he had any romantic interaction with *cough*) so he just……..dances around those feelings (on top of both of their feelings for peter) until harry starts dating liz (BECAUSE EVERYONE DATES EVERYONE IN PETER’S CIRCLE OF PALS, I GUESS) and he’s just like ‘???????????? well okay then’.

i like his dynamic with felicia as much it also pains me - that felicia went into it thinking she could use flash to hurt peter (’i’ll break your heart like he broke mine!’) but then ended up legitimately falling for him and started hoping for a normal life with him. also that they liked hanging out in terrible workout clothes. nerds. (alas, it didn’t last bc….FLASH, BUD….BUDDY….I CAN’T BELIEVE MARVEL HAD FLASH SAY THAT AND THEN PROBABLY SAT BACK AND THOUGHT ‘YUP PETE’S BEST BUD FLASH IS TOTALLY STR8′) and i need to read more of him and betty to get a handle of that but. what i’ve gotten from the panels i’ve seen that it’s very dependant on the writer and has the same problem flash’s relationships with liz, gwen, mj and felicia had where there’s a lot of love there but the actual romantic element is….lacking? falls short? fizzles out? where he seeks out a connection to peter(/spidey) through his romantic relationship with a woman peter used to be involved with and pushes said woman away when she starts getting in too deep?

anyway, that just turned into an essay about how flash thompson has been gay since his conception and only like, 20% (maybe less) of writers in charge of writing him have actually realized it.

[jjillekkot]

Rules: Answer the questions you’re given, write 11 of your own and tag 11 people.

I have had the pleasure of being tagged three (3) times for this sweet, sweet meme so brace yourselves, apparently you’re gonna learn a ton about me today! Placing it under a cut because.... you should really be thanking me, honestly.

1. it’s late in the afternoon and you’re in a new city. do you take the train, the bus, or do you walk to get back to your place?

Am I just moving to this town? Likely, I’ve probably visited before so I would have a sense of how to use the transportation. Or, Google Maps is pretty handy! I actually enjoy walking most places if it’s available to me; otherwise, I’m a train kinda girl. I’ll take the bus if I have to. I’m very positive towards public transportation and energy efficiency. Reduce that carbon footprint!

2. what’s your dream place to live (city or country? continent? in land or by the sea? cold or warm?)?

Okay, but... gonna go cheesy and say with my loved one. ‘Cause I’d honestly survive with any climate as long as I’m with them.

Assuming I’m single af and forever alone, or at least living on my own for a while? I’m definitely a larger city kind of girl, or near access to a large city. I wouldn’t mind living in a suburb and then commuting to the city, actually. I love nature, but I don’t want to be isolated in it for too long. I spent three months in a literal jungle. I’ve had my share of country times.

Also, having lived near Wisconsin-- I am way over the winter. I’m fine if I don’t see a lot of snow. I actually do enjoy rain, though. 

3. what’s one of your favorite threads across any of the muses you have ever played?

One of the earliest threads I’ve written on this blog was with @argentnoir​ & it was just kind of like a slow burn / pining kind of deal? Where Tseng acknowledges that Yuffie is up to be empress of Wutai and how inappropriate it is as one who has actively abandoned his nation that he would support her. So he tries to deny and reject any feelings which might surface for her, while Yuffie is  very much a “ forget protocol, I like you. ” I really liked that dynamic of how Tseng knew what was right for the nation even if he no longer belonged to it, and Yuffie was very “you belong to me, therefore you belong to Wutai.” 

I’m weak for Tsuffie okay like let me die with this ship.

4. five songs you’d love to share with people?

manzions // gorgeous. while my apartment was being renovated a few months back, i rented a room in an ex-friend’s house ( we were cool in high school but after that we grew apart ). anyway, the walls were paper thin & whenever i was depressed or crying or something, he would always play this song.

joji // will he. okay but a surprise twitter bop? also let him move on from his previous persona ok. yeesh. people are allowed heelturns. anyway, so this song is so mellow & i dig it, but also it just reminds me of the type of music a friend of mine used to send me all the time when we like... stopped being super close. that was their way of reaching out, was sending songs. and like. idk joji’s character / the lyrics super just make me think of that friend ‘cause that’s definitely what that friend would say to me, if he felt confident enough to ever use the words.

yakuza 0 // 24h cinderella. this is a guilty pleasure song. in case y’all didn’t know, i love rgg / yakuza almost as much as i love jojo ( that’s saying a lot ) & majima makes my life better okay. i am annoying & go around singing this. i’m pretty sure i’ve sang this like every week since release. i probably could use some help lmao.

utada hikaru // forevermore. don’t sleep on this song. idc if you didn’t see the show. i know everyone’s still screaming about omen / don’t think twice but i’ve been screaming about forevermore since she came back from retirement. bless hikki. also here’s a tissue for your eyeballs.

yumi kawamura // burn my dread. before we were shook over lyn inaizumi & shihoko hirata, we were all dying over yumi. who, by the way, is my literal queen ok. every time i see a persona concert online i sob profusely when yumi is on stage. i own the p4d soundtrack & i sobbed through her tracks on there too. honestly that was my most played music of 2016, that soundtrack. her voice is beautiful in every song, but i had to pick one, so why not the intro to p3 so we can all sob profusely. you’re welcome.

i would’ve put sono chi no sadame but i need to be tamed. i will, however, put the link to jojo’s first six intros performed live, though. that’s a real masterpiece that should go on the big screen. man, what i would do to go to a jojo concert.

5. are you good at math? (if so, why are you a nerd?)

i am rather proficient at math, actually. i wanted to go into medicine at one point, then psychology. you need a background in statistics to do that. but i also showed an interest in calculus, despite being terrible at physics and three-dimensional art. i studied it into high school, but gave it up in college to pursue language and fine arts instead. 

6. were you a goosebumps kid or an ‘are you afraid of the dark’ kid?

goosebumps. though i’ll admit i read the books more than watching either show.

7. how many tamagotchis did you own in the past, and what were their names (if you remember)?

i never had a tamagotchi. or a neopet. that’s a whole era that goes right above me.

8. what’s one situation you want to / wish to write your muse in? 

historical drama.

9. what’s one thing you’re really proud of, either in your portrayal or yourself in life? or both! actually yeah, list two things you’re proud of, one in your portrayal and one of yourself in life! ;)

i’ve survived a lot of tough things, so i guess i’m rather proud of that. 

i’m also like... happy that i’m able to pull off a yuffie that isn’t reduced to a sex object. it’s really nice actually to see people more these days seeing her for her maturity & respecting her for the amount she’s able to achieve. even square has backed off with making her such a heavy comic relief, at least in dffoo, and that makes me really happy.

10. pc or apple? (there’s only one right answer to this question, and it’s not apple)

i only own one apple product & that’s a iPad that was given to me during college. which, it was rather useful while i was in school, but i can say i’m not really a fan of the whole “apple slowing down your devices to make you upgrade” thing. also, it’s so expensive? i’d like to get into video editing and photography, & while i’m aware i don’t need an apple to do that, i like the simplicity and interface and hardware. but.. y’all these prices & these games are too much.

also, atm i don’t use either a pc or an apple: i’m on chromebook. & it’s really efficient if you’re into blogging or writing or really minimal things, like i am. c:

11. what’s the most embarrassing muse you have ever played :-)

maximillion pegasus. i wrote him as a joke in high school. i will not bring him back for anything lmao.

1. what season is your favorite in your most favorite running tv show?

i actually don’t... watch television... the last show i tried to actually pay attention to was designated survivor. ‘cause i’m weak for kiefer sutherland. and uh? idk i like it cause it has rising climax !

i also binge watched ghost adventures so.... maybe that counts. uh?? i would say maybe seasons 10-13 were my favorite because i felt bad for billy! always sending billy off on his own & his expressions about zak “can you stop summoning demons for a second?” is always great.

2. if you were apart of a trio like the three stooges, what would your names be (can’t be curly, larry and moe)?

actually, @lockedfighter​ & @crystarium-rose​ & i are the powerpuffs. i’m buttercup.

3. you’re a sailor scout, which one are you and why?

i love haruka for her ability to subvert gender roles. i’m really into androgyny & i don’t think my biological sex should limit my physical capabilities or interests. i also have short hair. however, people tend to liken me to ami, minako, & makoto.

4. what is your favorite mode of transportation and why?

jeeps with the doors off ! also tuk-tuk and motorbike. what a thrill !

5. what is a fruit you love but hate any byproduct made in its flavor (ie: grapes, love the fruit but hate grape flavored drinks or candies)?

cherry flavored things are always too strong for me.

6. you’ve lost one of your five senses, which one is it?

uh... smell? though tbh in the transition of winter to spring, it’s a combination of smell and taste because my throat closes off when lilacs bloom & i have to use throat numbing spray lmao.

7. you’re superman for a day, which one of his powers do you abuse the most?

laser vision. burn baby burn, disco inferno.

8. a favorite book you enjoy has comes to life and you are sucked into that world. what book is it and what character are you in that book?

that would be highly problematic considering my options would be the divine comedy or jojo. assuming i’m jojo.... i’d love to be caesar zeppelli when he first meets joseph. that’s quality.

9. do you have a birthday this month, when is it?

my birthday is july 23.

10. i just burnt your favorite dish trying to make it for you, what was the dish suppose to be?

if you burn pasta i’m kind of wary of you tbh.

11. you just got a very pretty parrot, what is the first word you teach it?

“ hewwo. ” i blame apollo entirely.

1. what’s your favourite comfort food ?

gummi bears !!! that’s not a comfort food? then mashed potatoes & gravy. surely that counts.

2. if you could physically go into a video game for a day, what game would you choose and why ? 

policenauts because i’m still weak for space exploration. that, or xenoblade chronicles 2 because i need to make friends with mr. turters & zeke stat.

3. what’s the first book you’ve fallen in love with ?

pretty sure it was an anthology of greek & roman mythology because i’m a nerd.

4. what’s gotten you into writing in the first place ?

i’ve been writing for like... ever. i’ve had diaries since preschool. it’s how i express myself.

5. what made you pick the character ( s ) you are currently writing ?

@lockedfighter​ “ asked ” me into writing yuffie & @kintsuggi​ asked me about writing paz.

6.  what do you cope with better : being cold or being hot ?

being cold. ‘cause i’ll just add socks and blankies & eventually fall asleep. i can only take so many clothes off. and i hate sweating. and drinking water helps to a slight extent but gawd.

7. what’s the one thing you love about your country ?

uh. can i talk about being first nations? great. i love how people who are ndn / first nations respect one another’s differences & how everyone is just “cousin”. that we’re all extended relatives of one another and support people in whatever they might need. i love that solidarity.

8. can you list five things that you love about yourself ?

i’m nice. i care about others. i help others the best i can. sometimes i can be cute. i’m smol & fit into places.

9. what’s your favourite tv show and why ?

24 because it’s action, espionage, justice & i’m weak for kiefer sutherland.

10. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why ?

probably my body because it brings me a lot of unhappiness.

11. if you could become a mythical creature, what would it be ?

a fairy. i would love to be like navi. “ hey, listen! watch out ! ”

TAGGED BY: @smashkick​ & @fcragil​ & @re-no​ ( this is why people think i’m popular i betcha. )

i do not possess the concentration to ask people 11 questions BUT if you wanna just talk about yourself, feel free to tag yourself in that lmao.

[gold-on-ice]

// ‘OMERTA’ PERSPECTIVES PLAYLISTS // “Minako had said he was a blessing - that his pockets were deep and Yuuri was lucky to have caught his eye. But Viktor Nikiforov was a curse, and Yuuri finds himself trapped in a world of blood and death where it takes violence to mend what is broken.”

SIDE A: VIKTOR NIKIFOROV // LE MANIAQUE

Mania is a state of abnormally elevated (feelings of) arousal, affect and energy level, where the overall activation is heightened as well as expressions (actions) of affect that are also enhanced. Freud considered that the maniac individual must have suffered a great and traumatic loss (something that could also be linked to the Oedipus Complex phase) and the ego unable to properly deal as it was supposed to turns all of its energy at a target that will act as a substitute for the object of affection that was lost in order to fulfill that gap. Obsessive and violent behaviour might be characteristics indentified in a maniac individual, though they may vary.

SIDE B: YUURI KATSUKI // CUPIO DISSOLVI

Cupio dissolvi is a latin locution that means (literally) «I wish to be dissolved». This concept has played an important role in the discussion on suicide. Some other reflexions and interpretations considered something like one’s desire to leave life in order to die, so that they could join God in the afterlife and end their sufferings, being able to become once again pure in the eyes of God. Freud believed that it wasn't only a simple matter of having a death wish, it also had something to do with the struggle one goes through in a lifetime while trying to fight against the intense impulse or desire for death (most likely linked to his concept of death drive).

SIDE A: VIKTOR NIKIFOROV // LE MANIAQUE 

bloodsport sneaker pimps I want to be a kid again, combed down hair and Sunday best. See me staying out bunking school, knowing wrong from right, just rules. I wish I'd never seen your face. Better door than window phase, I need an echo, not your praise. Straying from the point you nailed. My mother, my mother, my mother never told love is just a bloodsport. Sex and love is not a game, a game is something you can win.

mutter rammstein [English] I have sworn tonight I will send her a sickness, and afterwards make her sink in the river. Mother, an eel lives in her lungs. On my forehead, a birthmark, remove it with the kiss of a knife, even if it causes me to die. Mother! An eel lives in her lungs, On my forehead, a birthmark, remove it with the kiss of a knife, even if it causes me to bleed to death. Mother... Oh, give me strength.

control halsey They send me away to find them a fortune, a chest filled with diamonds and gold. The house was awake with shadows and monsters, the hallways they echoed and groaned. I sat alone in bed 'til the morning, I'm crying. They're coming for me. And I tried to hold these secrets inside me, my mind's like a deadly disease. I'm bigger than my body, I'm colder than this home. I'm meaner than my demons, I'm bigger than these bones. And all the kids cried out: "Please stop, you're scaring me!" I can't help this awful energy. Goddamn right, you should be scared of me! Who is in control?

dangerous big data & joywave And now they're coming, now they're coming out from the shadows to take me to the court because they know that I'll shut this down, 'cause they been watching all my windows. They've gathered up the warrant 'cause they... You understand they've got a plan for us. I bet you didn't know that I was dangerous. It must be fate, I found a place for us. I bet you didn't know someone could love you this much. How could they know, how could they know what I've been thinking? Like they're right inside my head because they know, because they know, what I've been hiding. They're right under my bed, they're on patrol.

infra-red placebo One last thing before I shuffle off the planet, I will be the one to make you crawl.  So I came down to wish you an unhappy birthday. Someone call the ambulance, there's gonna be an accident. I'm coming up on infra-red, there is no running that can hide you, 'cause I can see in the dark. I'm coming up on infra-red, forget your running, I will find you. One more thing before we start the final face-off, I will be the one to watch you fall, so I came down to crash and burn your bagger's banquet.

one way or another until the ribbon breaks One way or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you. One way or another, I'm gonna win you, I'm gonna get you, get you. One way or another, I'm gonna see you, I'm gonna meet you. One day, maybe next week, I'm gonna meet you, I'm gonna meet you. And I will drive by your house, and if the lights are all down, then I'll see who's around. One way or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you.

climbing up the walls radiohead I am the key to the lock in your house that keeps your toys in the basement. And if you get too far inside, you'll only see my reflection. It's always best when the candle's out, I am the pick in the ice. Do not cry out or hit the alarm, you know we're friends 'til we die. And either way you turn, I'll be there. Open up your skull, I'll be there, climbing up the walls. 

an unhealthy obsession the blake robinson They call it creeping, I say loving, it's the only way for me. Filling out papers, signing waivers but I stay outside his reach, I name your mother and your father and the first pet that you keep, I know your favourite place to dine at when your cheque comes in each week. I know you do your wash on Sundays and you separate your whites, and that your car needs a new tire 'cos last week I laid those spikes. I've got a million polaroids with all the dates penned in red ink, I sneak a walkie-talky in your room to listen to you sleep. You just don't know it yet, but you love me and I love you the same. One day we'll have a pretty wedding and I'll be your everything, we'll be together, yes forever, we will never ever part. Oh, you don't know it yet, but baby I've already got your heart. 

every breath you take chase holfelder Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you. Every single day, every word you say, every game you play, every night you stay, I'll be watching you. Oh can't you see you belong to me? How my poor heart aches with every step you take. Every move you make, every vow you break, every smile you fake, every claim you stake, I'll be watching you.

i know i’m a wolf young heretics Dear rabbit, my legs are getting weak chasing you. The snow fields wouldn't seem so big if you knew that this blood on my teeth, it is far beyond dry and I've captured you once, but I wasn't quite right, so I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me. Rabbit, my claws are dull now so don't be afraid, I could keep you warm as long as you can just try to be brave. Yes, I know I'm a wolf, and I've been known to bite, but the rest of my pack, I have left them behind and my teeth may be sharp, and I've been raised to kill, but the thought of fresh meat, it is making me ill. So I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me. So rabbit, please stop looking the other way. It's cold out there, so why not stay here under my tail?

in your dreams dark dark dark Kiss your face, turn your cheek, lay your head down, lay your head down. Don't say nothing, no. I can see when you're lying, oh. When you're alone, you're so alone. We all have dreams we forget, when you're alone, you're so alone. Now you want to go where no one is lonely, and rose water drips from my mouth like honey, oh.  

sadist crystal castles Keep them on this course, graceful without remorse, paresthesia. It's fine, you're fine. You'll be fine, you'll be fine. Life without conscience, the disdain is just consequence. Await their ascent, a blessed event, paresthesia. It's fine, you're fine. You'll be fine. We're here to circumvent.

3 × 3 bloc party Three times three, first cut first pierce the skin, it binds us. Spit cum blood, liquid wax, no one loves you as much as us. By all in me that’s holy, by all in me that’s blessed, I made to you a promise that this is forever and ever, amen. Three times three, lose all fear, let the flames dry those tears. It takes hurt to be pure. Now you’re one of us. No means no. No/Yes. No... Yes?

written in blood she wants revenge Blood red lips traced with a tongue, they shine, cut through a crowded room. A look can say a lot sometimes, and so I take all my past attractions and project on you. Every disappointment and mistake, some resentment from a one-night heartbreak. My head is spinning, my hands go damp, but still I force an introduction and I ask you to dance. You feel like home up against me so close, though we've just met tonight. There's still so much that we still don't know, but I'm fairly certain that we just might work out right. Then again it can all go up in flames, and I'll take you down in the name of love. But for now let's kiss hard, fuck the games. All or nothing, it's written in blood. On the way to the wedding, dressed in black, he said: "Sorry lover but you can't look back." She says: "Oh no!"

mercy iamx Mercy. When I melt in the kiss by the words and the whispers you sing me. Mercy. I'm frail in the kill by submission and will that you bring me. Mercy. When I'm nothing but ego you slap me to let go and sleep free, now I sleep free. You're my toy box, you're my memories, when I smell your skin, you just make my whole world weep. I'm at your feet, I'm at your feet. Mercy. When the grey turns to black and the wave's on my back, you make me smile. Mercy... is the trauma no martyr you crush into pleasure and downtown. Mercy... It's the shining of you that just breaks me in two like a lifeline. You're my lifeline. (...) I celebrate your chemistry, if you bond with me, I could make your whole world sweet. I'm on my knees.

born villain marilyn manson You'll have to cut it down and burn me into splinters, or I'll unwrap the string that was me around your finger, and I'll hang you in your bedroom burial ground. There is a taste for blood and it's something deep inside. Become, become. I don't ever want God to hear our screams and mistake them for prayers. And you know I'm loaded, but not which chamber. Touch me and I'll go click, click, click, click, click. I'm born villain, don't pretend to be a victim.

in-a-gadda-da-vida iron butterfly In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, honey, don't you know that I love you? In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, baby, don't you know that I'll always be true? Oh, won't you come with me and take my hand? Oh, won't you come with me and walk this land? Please take my hand.

SIDE B: YUURI KATSUKI // CUPIO DISSOLVI 

tag, you’re it melanie martinez Looking at me through your window, boy, you had your eye out for a little. "I'll cut you up and make you dinner, you've reached the end, you are the winner." Rolling down your tinted window, driving next to me real slow, he said: "Let me take you for a joyride, I've got some candy for you inside." Running through the parking lot, he chased me and he wouldn't stop. Tag, you're it! Tag, tag, you're it! Grabbed my hand and pushed me down, took the words right out my mouth. Tag, you're it! Tag, tag, you're it! Can anybody hear me when I'm hidden underground? Can anybody hear me when I'm talking to myself, saying: "Tag, you're it, tag, tag, you're it"? Little bit of poison in me, I can taste your skin in my teeth. "I love it when I hear you breathing, I hope to God you're never leaving."  (...) Eenie-meenie-miny-mo, catch a lady by her toes, if she screams, don't let her go. Eenie-meenie-miny-mo, your mother said to pick the very best girl and I am. 

nightmare avenged sevenfold Now your nightmare comes to life. Dragged you down below, down to the devil's show to be his guest forever. Peace of mind is less than never. Hate to twist your mind, but God ain't on your side and old acquaintance severed. Burn the world your last endeavor. Flesh is burning, you can smell it in the air, 'cause men like you have such an easy soul to steal. So stand in line while they ink numbers in your head, you're now a slave until the end of time here. Nothing stops the madness, turning, haunting, yearning. Pull the trigger! You should have known the price of evil and it hurts to know that you belong here. Yeah. oh, it's your fuckin' nightmare! (...) You've been lied to, just to rape you of your sight and now they have the nerve to tell you how to feel. (...) No one to call, everybody to fear. Your tragic fate is looking so clear, yeah.(...) And I know you hear their voices calling from above, and I know they may seem real these signals of love, but our life's made up of choices, some without appeal.

deux the gazette [English] I find the answer in depths of despair, irreversible. I pray for it all to be a dream, this is an inferno. You’re my enemy, you show it when you destroy my reversible dreams. Scary night, pain obeys my split mind, I pray for a nightmare. I’m weakened, stretched too thin, my heart closes and surfaces in the darkness of unconsciousness. Whose fault is it that nights sleeping in isolation are scary? 

freak on a leash korn Something takes a part of me, something lost and never seen. Every time I start to believe, something's raped and taken from me. Life's got to always be messing with me. (You wanna see the light?) Can't they chill and let me be free?  (So do I!) Can't I take away all this pain? (You wanna see the light?) I try to every night all in vain. Sometimes I cannot take this place, sometimes it's my life I can't taste. Sometimes I cannot feel my face, you'll never see me fall from grace. Something takes a part of me, you and I were meant to be. A cheap fuck for me to lay, something takes a part of me. Feeling like a freak on a leash, feeling like I have no release. How many times have I felt diseased? 

an evening with el diablo chevelle High up on you, you display good traits, though few. We've found time alone will tell. Tthis disease keeps holding me down. Try to run when near sleep, to imagine us away. He said come, fly around my hell, and know this, you seem to be too scared to run. Too scared to run. Wish I had your faults, nothing seems to phase you. Lies! You're much more than just human.

bulletproof… i wish i was radiohead Limb by limb and tooth by tooth, tearing up inside of me, every day every hour, I wish that I was bulletproof. Wax me, mould me, heat the pins and stab them in. You have turned me into this, just wish that I was bulletproof. So pay the money and take a shot, leadfill the hole in me. I could burst a million bubbles, all surrogate and bulletproof.

vessel nine inch nails I let you put it in my mouth, I let it get under my skin, I let you put it in my veins, I let you take me from within. They tell us what we can and cannot do, same thing we've heard 100 times before. Well, I put you inside of me, but none of that matters anymore. Oh my God, can it go any faster? Oh my God, I don't think I can last here. 

broken lund Will you end my pain? Will you take my life? Will you bleed me out? Will you hang me out to dry? Will you take my soul in the midnight rain? While I'm falling apart, while I'm going insane. Can you break my bones? Will you tear my skin? Can you taste my lust? Can you feel my sin? See I'm a waste of life, I should just kill myself. Yeah, I could slit my wrists, but it really wouldn't help, it wouldn't fix my issues or change your mind. Cause I broke your heart and you buried mine, now I'm 6 feet deep and I can't breathe. I got dirt in my eyes and blood on my sleeves, but I dig my way up. 

tourniquet evanescence I tried to kill my pain, but only brought more, so much more. I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal. I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming. Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost? My God my tourniquet, return to me salvation. Do you remember me? Lost for so long, will you be on the other side or will you forget me? (...) I want to die. My wounds cry for the grave, my soul cries for deliverance. Will I be denied Christ, tourniquet, my suicide.

bother stone sour Wish I was too dead to cry, my self-affliction fades. Stones to throw at my creator, masochists to which I cater. You don't need to bother, I don't need to be. I'll keep slipping farther, but once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds. Wish I was too dead to care, if indeed I cared at all. Never had a voice to protest, so you fed me shit to digest. I wish I had a reason, my flaws are open season. For this, I gave up trying, one good turn deserves my dying. Wish I'd died instead of lived, a zombie hides my face, shell forgotten with its memories, diaries left with cryptic entries.

one step closer linkin park I cannot take this anymore, saying everything I've said before.  All these words they make no sense, I find bliss in ignorance. The less I hear the less you'll say, you'll find that out anyway, just like before. Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break. I need a little room to breathe, 'cause I'm one step closer to the edge. I'm about to break. I find the answers aren't so clear, I wish I could find a way to disappear, all these thoughts they make no sense. 

duality slipknot I have screamed until my veins collapsed, I've waited as my time's elapsed. Now, all I do is live with so much fate, I've wished for this, I've bitched at that. I've left behind this little fact: you cannot kill what you did not create. I've gotta say what I've gotta say and then I swear I'll go away, but I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise. I guess I'll save the best for last, my future seems like one big past. You're left with me 'cause you left me no choice. I push my fingers into my eyes, it's the only thing that slowly stops the ache. If the pain goes on, I'm not gonna make it. Put me back together or separate the skin from bone, leave me all the pieces, then you can leave me alone.

waiting for the world to end mother mother Back in the head where I see red where the beast and the beauty coalesce. I give in to a morbid fantasy, death to a billion families and me. Give me fire, burning hell, throw it on my paper trail and I’ll watch as all the numbers go up in a cloud of dark and dirty smoke. Ya, I’m just waiting for the end of the world, end of the whole wide world. 

hold me down halsey I sold my soul to a three-piece and he told me I was holy. He's got me down on both knees, but it's the devil that's tryna hold me down, hold me down. Sneaking out the back door, make no sound, knock me out, knock me out, saying that I want more, this is what I live for. Hold me down, hold me down. Throw me in the deep end, watch me drown, knock me out, knock me out. Selfish, taking what I want and call it mine, I'm helpless, clinging to a little bit of spine. They rush me, telling me I'm running out of time. They shush me (shhh!), walking me across a fragile line.

zombie the pretty reckless I'm not listening to you, I am wandering right through existence with no purpose and no drive 'cause in the end we're all alive. Two thousand years I've been awake, waiting for the day to shake. Dear all of you who've wronged me, I am, I am a zombie. Again, again you want me to fall on my head. I am, I am, I am a zombie. How low, how low, how low will you push me to go, to go, to go, before I lie down dead. Blow the smoke right off the tube, kiss my gentle burning bruise, I'm lost in time. And to all the people left behind, you are walking dumb and blind, blind.

paranoid android radiohead When I am king, you will be first against the wall, with your opinion which is of no consequence at all. What's that? I may be paranoid, but not an android. Ambition makes you look pretty ugly, kicking and squealing gucci little piggy. You don't remember, you don't remember. Why don't you remember my name? Off with his head, man! Off with his head, man! Why don't you remember my name? I guess he does! Rain down, rain down. Come on, rain down on me from a great height. That's it, sir, you're leaving. The crackle of pigskin, the dust and the screaming, the yuppies networking, the panic, the vomit. God loves his children... yeah.

raining blood hot sugar [Instrumental]

Omerta was written by @kashoku-sinpai and it’s a very intense kind of reading. It’s insanely fucked up, probably everyone’s guilty pleasure in this fandom and I loved it dearly, so these mixes sort of happened. 

[yoi-secret-valentines2017]

love at second sight

For @mypoorlittlephanshipperheart from Edgedancer (@radiantmists). Happy Valentine’s Day!

***

Victor lay on his back and listened to the indistinct murmur of voices below him. Slowly, as it always did, his mind drifted to the ice, to the feel of skimming on a knife-edge and the freedom of taking flight. From those well-worn paths he was drawn to the sound of a crowd screaming his name, of voices in his own tongue declaring him a hero.

Downstairs in the onsen’s main room, Victor knew, Yuuri would be saying the words leaving and Russia and nationals and Victor in a voice too small for him, trembling with the conflict between hope and sorrow. He would be looking at the ground or his shoes or his hands, and so would be surprised to feel his mother’s arms close around him. When his father tells him they’re happy for him, mostly telling the truth, Yuuri would smile, tears in his eyes, and mostly believe it.

Victor could barely believe it himself, could scarcely fathom how these wonderful, kind people had let a perfect stranger drift into their home like a stray dog and had somehow turned him into a part of the family. Most of all, he couldn’t believe that Yuuri was at that moment giving all of it up, in a way, so that Victor could keep skating.

Ten days wasn’t a long time to uproot your whole life, wasn’t really long enough to say goodbye to the family you only just found again.

It wasn’t really long enough to come out of retirement, either, so Victor pushes himself upright and starts packing.

***

They headed to the rink early the next morning; Victor had called Yuuko while they were in the Barcelona airport, had made sure that Ice Castle Hasetsu would be theirs alone until the nineteenth. She had said she was happy to do it, had congratulated him on his decision to return and for proposing to Yuuri, had somehow managed to sound sweet and cheerful while declaring that if Victor let the first interfere with the second he would find his ice skates shoved, blade-first, in very unfortunate places.

It was almost like her blessing. Victor hadn’t been able to explain to a mortified Yuuri, listening on speaker, exactly why he had been smiling.

Now, Viktor set up the camera at the edge of the rink and video called Yakov. He was willing to swallow his pride and admit he needed all the help he could get to make it back in time for Russian Nationals on the twentieth.

He glided onto the ice, cued Yuuri to start the music, and began.

The thing was, it would be inaccurate almost to the point of falsehood to call what Victor had been doing for the last eight months a break. On top of the time he had spent coaching Yuuri, Victor had passed hours listening to music, dancing in Minako’s studio, biking and running and stretching. And he had skated, of course, had after hours of watching Yuuri finally remembered the way that ice under his feet had always felt like breathing.

When he had skated the two pieces through, heart pounding with strain, Victor returned to the computer Yuuri held at the rink’s edge, where Yakov looked pensive.

“It’s not good enough,” he said. Victor’s heart skipped a beat even though he thought- hoped- he knew what Yakov would say next.

“Not yet.”

***

The next ten days were a mad rush of ice, food, baths, sleep; Victor and Yuuri ran to Ice Castle as the sun rose, wolfed down the lunches that Hiroko had made for them the previous night, ran home as the sun set and collapsed. Sometimes in the morning they would chase each other, laughing; a few nights one wandered into the other’s room and they had curled together, too exhausted to do anything but sleep.

Their breaks were the time when the other was on the ice; Yuuri’s breaks were much longer than Victor’s, and Victor felt guilty though he knew he shouldn’t. Yuuri had months to perfect his routines; he took silver at the Grand Prix Final–barely missed gold– and there was no one at Japanese Nationals who was a serious threat to him. Victor, on the other hand…

Victor had never worked this hard before, and especially he had never done so knowing that despite it all, it wasn’t possible to win. As the week went on, he found himself developing the sort of empathy he’d never had for other, less talented skaters. Victor had always seen practice, competitions, advancement as simply reaching out to take what was his. If others couldn’t match him, it meant only that they didn’t want it badly enough. But suddenly, there was a wall between him and success, or perhaps a heavy door that he had to shove with all his strength just to keep from closing even further. Victor tried to imagine going through this struggle as a child, and couldn’t quite convince himself that he could have kept skating through it before he’d ever tasted the peace of a clean program.

Sometime during the mad week, he tried to tell Yuuri all this, asked him how he had kept on for so long without feeling what it was like to win.

Yuuri laughed. “Maybe I couldn’t feel it,” he said. “But I saw it, when I watched you.”

Victor stood, dumbstruck. He knew then and there that his skating, his loneliness at the top, his whole life had been worthwhile, if it had kept this beautiful creature on the ice.

***

For some horrendous, unknowable reason, the Russian and Japanese Nationals overlapped. To add insult to injury, they stretched through Victor’s birthday. Every year before, he hadn’t cared, but now…

Well, at least he and Yuuri had already exchanged gifts.

Yuri came to Victor after their warmup period. He opened his mouth, then shut it. Finally, he growled, “Don’t think I’ll go easy just because you’re an old man.”

Victor laughed, and it tasted like poison, like every night that he’d gone out to drink and flirt with beautiful strangers he’d known he couldn’t keep, because five gold medals or not, Katsuki Yuuri had never called him, and what more was he supposed to do?

Yuri would beat him here without trouble and they both knew it, but the thought rankled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

The next day, Victor drew a slot right in the middle of the two dozen other men vying for a medal. Twenty-five dreamers; thanks to Victor and Georgi’s placement last year, Russia was allowed to send three of them to European Championships. Medalling here wasn’t just about being Russia’s best; it meant that the season could continue.

When his time came, Victor took to the ice confidently. He could hear the commentators gossiping about his costumes, reused from several years ago, and about his planned programs, much easier technically than in years past and notably missing his signature flip. They wondered if he really thought such a sudden comeback was possible, if he had any life left in him, why he had even bothered.

Victor arrived at his starting position, not listening. He wasn’t skating for them anymore. He kissed his ring, knew that somewhere, Yuuri was watching and doing the same.

The music began, and so did Victor. It felt like a beginning, the energy of the crowd and the music and the gold on his finger coursing through him. Every motion in this program was deliberate, filled with hope for the future. He thought back to the feeling when Yuuri had first tried his flip, when Victor had known that no matter what happened, if he could just somehow hold onto this boy the future would be bright. As the music built, Victor remembered the moment Yuuri had asked him to stay on his coach. He remembered the instant where he could see the future stretched out before him, and for the first time it had been filled with not just victory, but with their victory.

As he sank into his final spin, the music went silent for a moment. The whole stadium, the whole world seemed to hold its breath as he whirled, waiting to see what would happen next.

The final note rose along with him, and he stretched out his arm as though reaching for something, the other behind him holding an invisible hand.

There, he told the screaming crowd, and Yuuri somewhere far away, watching. There. Can you see it, too?

Yuri attacked him as soon as he left the rink.

“I can’t believe you!” he screeched, as he dragged Victor to the Kiss and Cry, then sat in the coach’s spot. “You can’t just skate for the katsudon forever!”

Victor only smiled and waved at the camera as the scores were posted. The presentation score was astronomical, record-breaking for a short program. The announcers and the crowd were hysterical; Yuri grumbled unrepeatable things.

Victor spotted the Japanese news logo on one of the cameras and blew Yuuri a kiss.

***

“After yesterday’s artistic triumph, Victor Nikiforov’s free program today doesn’t quite measure up, does it?”

“Only two quads, and he seems unable to truly connect with this music. Though Nikiforov edged him out in the short program, if we look back at Popovich’s characteristically… emotional free performance just moments ago, it seems uncertain which will take silver.”

“Well, we’ll be seeing both of them at Europeans in any case.”

***

Yuuri skipped the Japanese banquet and flew straight to Russia; he arrived at the rink just as the medal ceremony began. Afterward, Victor leapt straight from the ice into his arms and kissed him silly, then pulled back and smiled teasingly.

“You brought me a present, didn’t you? Besides your presence, I mean.”

Yuuri rolled his eyes but dutifully produced his gold medal from his coat pocket. Victor placed it gently around his fiance’s neck, then handed his own medal to Yuuri so that he could do the same.

He remembered his own joke, weeks that felt like years before: I won’t kiss it if it’s not gold. He’d told Yuuri, he’d known, that coming back would be challenging, that reaching this level was a triumph in its own right. But Victor was tired, and every self-deprecating smile tasted like ash in his mouth.

But the walled-up sadness in Yuuri’s eyes felt like a knife to the gut, so Victor put on a smile anyway. I’ll do better next time, he thought. I can do it for you.

“It’s perfect,” he said. “It matches my hair.”

***

“Do you have a theme?” the reporters asked at the winner’s panel.

“Yes,” he said, not quite lying, and gave them the sort of smile that everyone knew meant he had something up his sleeve.

He’d bought himself some time. Now he just had to look up his sleeves and find it.

***

The two of them went back to St. Petersburg, to Victor’s one-bedroom apartment just two blocks and a bridge away from Yakov’s ice rink.

Yuuri hung his clothes in the walk-in closet next to Victor’s, and within a week they were hopelessly mixed together. Yakov finally told Victor that the next time he showed up to the rink in a shirt three sizes too small, he’d be thrown out into the snow, because no one wants to see your stomach all the goddamn time, Vitya.

(Yuuri was not forbidden from wearing Victor’s clothes, mostly because he was smart enough not to do it with anything that would get in the way of practicing. Of Yuuri practicing, that is, because how was Victor supposed to concentrate on remastering the quad flip when Yuuri was wearing his sweatshirt?)

Victor was in awe of how quickly Yuuri got to know their neighbors, whose names Victor had never before learned in the six years he’d lived in this apartment. Like his rinkmates, they adored the combination of Yuuri’s sincere timidity and his moments of intense frankness.

Victor would have been jealous, but every day he discovered new reasons to love Yuuri that were all his own. He’d known that Yuuri loved food, but now Victor got to watch his own cooking make Yuuri’s eyes widen in delight.

They went out so Yuuri could teach him to dance properly, and it was even better than that first wild night, because the next morning and whenever else the urge struck them, they danced through the apartment to music only they could hear.

Every so often in Hasetsu, Victor would buy flowers for Yuuri on his way back from walks with Makkachin. Now, they settled young perennials in the window boxes Victor had forgotten existed, and he watched as Yuuri carefully coaxed the bulbs into blossom.

At the rink, they were somehow both Yakov’s biggest headache and the skaters who required the least maintenance; they distracted each other ridiculously, but the next moment Victor would offer some criticism that let Yuuri land his quads twice as often, or Yuuri would make an encouraging comment that changed Victor’s whole presentation.

One day, Victor talked Yuuri into skating each other’s programs just to drive Yakov crazy. It backfired, the older man using it as a lesson for both of them, making Victor spend time on Yuuri’s impossibly graceful spins and forcing Yuuri to repeat jumps until they matched Victor’s technical perfection.

Another time, Victor and Yakov came to the rink after lunch to find Yuuri running through Yurio’s step sequences with him. Soon, half the juniors at the rink were asking for time with the Japanese skater. Victor got pulled into it too, helping them with their jumps.

Yakov took Victor aside, in the middle of January, and told him seriously that he had a future in coaching when he retired for real, that they both did. I’m getting older, Vitya, he said. Someone’s going to have to take over this place. Victor looked at the fourteen-year-old girl listening to Yuuri explain how to fix her layback spin, and wondered when he became so… content.

For months, he had treasured the wonderful promise of spending his future with Yuuri. But more wonderful even than that was this: his life, now, with Yuuri.

***

Thankfully, Yuuri was able to come watch Victor at Europeans. Victor had hidden his costumes, when they had finally been delivered, and he skated his short program on the high of Yuuri’s delight, clothed in a Hasetsu sunrise.

They went out that night with Yuri, Chris, and Otabek; Georgi and Mila had tagged along, and they’d somehow managed to run into Emil and the Crispinos at the restaurant. (Victor suspected Chris, or possibly his quiet, extremely sneaky boyfriend.)

Victor was in second after the short program; he’d brought up his technical score significantly, but to his chagrin couldn’t surpass the perfection Yurio had achieved once again with Agape. Victor had created a monster, and he wasn’t sure whether to be proud or annoyed.

Chris, of course, started by teasing Victor about losing to a sixteen-year-old.

“Well, at least I’m in good company,” Victor winked. He had never done dinners like this before Yuuri, hadn’t been friends in the way the other skaters were. After all, Chris was the only one who was old enough to have entered Seniors before Victor’s gold streak had begun, and even he had seen Victor as some sort of constant, always a few steps ahead.

Now, they’ve all seen him waver. For the first time, Victor realized that his competitors were not as much sharks circling for weakness as they were people looking for some point of humanity. Stopping to coach Yuuri may have set him back in his skating, but it was the best decision he’d ever made for his personal life, for more than just the obvious reason.

Like his thoughts, the conversation circles back around to his relationship with Yuuri, and Victor has the pleasure of watching Europe’s best skaters argue over who’d shipped them first.

“I think Chris wins that one,” Victor said lightly. “He did introduce us at the banquet last year, after all.”

Chris grinned smugly, then jumped when his boyfriend elbowed him. “I don’t think he can take credit for that.”

Chris sighed. “Fine. No, I didn’t really believe it was serious until what Victor pulled at the Cup of China.”

“Ha! I win!” Sara Crispino crowed. When everyone stared at her, she added, “Mickey and I started researching competitors as soon as assignments came out. We saw Yuuri’s theme announcement, and…”

Yuuri groaned and smacked his head against the table as the other skaters laughed in recognition. Victor pulled him closer and rested his chin on top of Yuuri’s head, smiling. He’d watched the video of that incident perhaps even more than the one of Yuuri skating Stay Close to Me– at first trying to make sense of the rapid-fire Japanese as Yuuri had gone off script, and then during the long nights when he’d needed reassurance that despite Yuuri’s shyness, Victor wasn’t the only one who desperately wanted to hold onto this.

He hadn’t watched it recently; he hadn’t needed to with the real Yuuri sleeping beside him with a matching ring on his finger.

“Speaking of which, what’s your theme, Victor?”

The laughter quieted as everyone waited for his response to Emil’s question. Even Yuuri looked up, questioning.

Victor smirked. “You’ll find out tomorrow along with everyone else, at the winner’s panel.”

Under the ensuing chaos, Victor heard Yuri mutter to Otabek, “I’ll bet it’s something ridiculous like happiness or marriage.”

Victor smiled.

Close, Yura, he thought, but not quite.

***

Victor unzipped his jacket and handed it to Yuuri, then removed his skate guards. As Otabek’s score was posted, he circled quickly on the ice before returning to the barrier.

“I’ll be here, watching,” Yuuri said, pulling Victor close. Victor rested his head on Yuuri’s shoulder and breathed him in.

As the stadium quieted, he pulled away. “I know.” He smiled, and it tasted like sunlight.

The cheers as Victor saluted the crowd were deafening, but as he took his position, eyes closed, he thought he’d be able to hear a pin drop. Even the announcers were silent. In second place, and with four difficult quads in his program to Yuri’s three, Victor was poised to make possibly the greatest comeback in the history of figure-skating.

Victor raised his hand to his lips, saw Yuuri doing the same. He felt light, birdlike.

The music began. Victor launched straight into a quick step sequence, but it felt as effortless as dancing through the kitchen with Yuuri and letting dinner burn. He leaned back into a spin as though falling into bed, and when he launched himself into his first quad he could have sworn he felt strong arms lifting him up.

As the violins entered, Victor let his motions become more fluid, allowing the music to carry him. He knew this routine better than the back of his hand, and he let his mind drift until he found himself back in their apartment.

A January blizzard had swept into St. Petersburg, filling the streets and rattling the shutters. Yuuri had brought in the Chinese jasmine they’d been growing in the window-boxes, and Victor had lit the fireplace. They’d curled up together with Makkachin, each other’s bony warmth more comfortable than the bed could ever be.

Yuuri had stared out the window and told Victor about how it rarely ever snowed in Hasetsu even in winter, how the flurry on the April day Victor had arrived had been nothing short of miraculous.

“Like you,” he’d said, suddenly frank in the way that always knocked Victor’s breath right out of his body. “All the time we were in Hasetsu, I was waiting for you to melt away.”

Victor had taken his hand, squeezed it as tightly as he could. “Well,” he’d said, and swallowed. “Here, the snow takes forever to melt.”

The music came down to near silence, and Victor could have sworn he heard Yuuri’s voice, as clear as it had been that day: “I’ll be here until then.”

Victor pushed his toe onto the ice and leapt with the piano, spinning two, three, four times. He landed back in the stadium; Yuuri was behind him, so Victor added a half loop and triple axel to face him.

Yuuri was crying, Victor saw for a moment before he had to return to his program. As the music picked up once again, Victor remembered the last time he’d seen Yuuri cry, when their jasmine had finally bloomed after weeks of Yuuri pulling it inside every time there was even a chance of frost.

Rising from his last spin, Victor traced the vines that wrapped around his legs and climbed his white shirt. He placed one hand over his chest, holding out the other, palm up as though to take someone’s hand, or perhaps to offer them the pale pink flower stitched into his glove.

***

“It’s official- in a free program that ended in a mirror image of Katsuki Yuuri’s, Victor Nikiforov takes back the record his student stole only months ago!”

“Katsuki doesn’t seem especially angry about this.”

“No, but look at Plisetsky! I know the Ice Tiger of Russia skates better when he’s angry, but I think apoplectic rage is going to be a little too much for the judges.”

***

Victor gave Yuuri his medal as the stadium emptied, and smiled while Yuuri looped it over his head.

Then he gasped as he was pulled down to meet Yuuri’s sparkling eyes.

“Set a date for the wedding,” Yuuri whispered. “I’m coming for this in April.”

***

“My theme,” Victor beamed, “is life.”

***

“Katsuki Yuuri takes Four Continents by a landslide, earning a personal best in both programs! He came within a few points of Nikiforov’s record combined score from years ago. Worlds is going to be interesting, don’t you think?”

“Yes, and– Are those rose petals coming from the ceiling?”

(“I can’t believe you thought I forgot Valentine’s Day,” Victor pouted.

“Well, you were a few days late,” Yuuri laughed.

Phichit tossed a few more rose petals over their heads, took a picture, and said, “Don’t be silly; if he’d forgotten I wouldn’t have let him live a few days.”

Yuuri’s friends were terrifying and Victor loved it.)

***

They had their medals off before they left the ice; their tradition was public enough knowledge at that point that it would no longer look like a snub.

Victor did Yuuri’s first. It felt different this time, knowing he’d be giving Yuuri something else gold in just a few weeks.

Yuuri’s hands shook a little, and Victor could see the tenderness in his eyes. He found himself remembering the last time he had won a bronze medal, when he was nineteen and in his second year of Seniors, full of the hope and ambition that would eventually take him to the top of the podium but still growing into too-long legs and too-short hair and too-heavy expectations.

He folded his hand and Yuuri’s hand over the medal, brought it up to kiss softly, and thought, I’m still growing into this, too.

“It’s perfect,” he declared softly. “It matches your eyes.”

End

***

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you for the inspiration, both from the domestic Victuri stuff on your blog and more generally to make me actually finish something. :)

Victor’s short program is to the song Road to Victory. His free program, as well as the title of the fic, is from The Gambler by fun., though I imagine he skated to an instrumental version.

Coda:

“No, I will not be your flower bearer!”

“But you’d look so pretty, Yurio–”

“I’ve been there getting embarrassed by your stupid antics from the beginning. I’m getting you back in my best man’s speech and that’s final.”