#black hole diaries

[cottaegecore]

sylvia plath

[phagodyke]

fourth year running of my kaneda shotaro costume I havent even added a single patch to the jacket since I first made it even tho every year I say I'm going to. #lazynation

[gloomwalking]

back after too long ! my laptop is fucked so i have logged in on jam's :^0 reading some great books atm and having quite a lovely time over all, saw my mum yesterday and went to my fav restaurant in bristol (by far the fanciest restaurant i've been to but not actually fancy) which was sooooooooo nice and i paid , then we went to a comedy gig for someone my mum follows and then back to said lovely restaurant for pudding + a cocktail each, then a good 45 min walk home which was nice. good to talk. i am bad at meaningful conversations with anyone other than esme but i am getting better. even my mum thinks i should get therapy :^S but good to hear hers is going well... sigh sigh sigh . good day at work today i truly get on with so many of my coworkers so well and feels like we are properly friends.. lunch w k and a and n which was a great vibe and then the 4 of us + t went to the pub after work which was also great vibes although i neeeeeeeeed to learn to have a filter.... i am such an interminable show off/gossip/general sad desperate 14yo ... but i shall get there i suppose. talking w mum so much last night about how i need to be kinder w myself and recognise how huge an accomplish my being almost-normal actually is comp. to how i was when i left home etc.... i am so high functioning and i am allowed to be proud of myself for that.... work itself was also really good actually, far too much mucking around but still got a lot done and my work is so rewarding ... following up something w a couple i support recently and the wife shouting to me on the phone w her husband about how they managed to get out and go swimming the other day for the first time in living memory she was so excited to tell me.... makes me well up a bit actually... i love people. damn i was so miserableihatemyselfwhycantihaveafilterandbenormal selfharmurge like 10 mins ago and now i am full of joie de vivre again .. what 1 guinness on an empty stomach does to a girl .. jam is currently making me nachos for dinner

[the-colours-of-darkness]

I feel as if I were a star blissfully unaware of its own demise, but that expansion becomes a blackhole, and the cycle continues.

[drones-of-innocence]

I'm currently in the process of publishing a fanfic that is basically a conglomeration of almost every piece of media that has ever influenced me. One of the most prevalent examples is music; I hyperfixate on exactly three bands and occasionally a couple of others. Two of those bands I've literally loved since I was a kid.

Anyway, that's all just to say I noticed a pattern where my characters in the story match up with the vibes of some specific albums that I love from those artists.

Mario aligns closest with Black Holes and Revelations. Every single song on this is a banger, though I'll say that about every one of these probably 😭 I can't explain the degree of nostalgia surrounding me every step of this story. These are songs I have known during my most impressionable years. I remember hearing Starlight live for the first time and how it changed my life. I have associated Starlight specifically with Super Mario Galaxy all this time—I mean, come on. All the space imagery is perfect. And so it only felt right to name the fic with some of the lyrics. "I'll never let you go, if you promise not to fade away..."

This album has songs like Supermassive Black Hole and Map of the Problematique. They are usually intense and with an undertone of sadness and fear. Muse is known to use language implying relationship struggles as metaphors for larger issues, and also the other way around. It's kind of amazing how they draw so many lines stringing the personal and the political together. There are some more morose pieces like Soldier's Poem and Hoodoo that have extraordinary pain behind them. I could go on all day about how every single lyric matches up with some part of Mario's journey in my story, but that would take both an essay and contain spoilers 😆

Luma aligns with Strangeland. I didn't hear about Keane until my first year of college, but this band somehow landed firmly in my heart. I already have tickets to see them on their upcoming tour 🤩 Keane's style is much more mellow, with a piano lead instead of guitar, which sets them apart as a rock band. The contrast between the intensity of Mario's feelings and the calm of Luma’s experience is best exemplified by these albums, I think. The covers even seem to parallel each other, with an orange horizon colliding with the blue sky, and coincidence is one of the themes of the story ✨️

Strangeland is full of songs that contain hard-earned wisdom, like Day Will Come and In Your Own Time. There is an excitement and deep appreciation for lived experience, as well as encouragement such as in You Are Young. There are also some songs about the hardships of relationships that are inevitable with time passing, like Disconnected. But largely, the tone of this album is upbeat. A carefree and thrilled approach to life might be labeled as childish, but it might actually be the wisest approach of all. Luma is excited to travel and see everything, and not necessarily out of naivety.

[extemporaneousrabbithole]

i have so many ideas for things i want to accomplish and concepts i think will work to aid me in doing these things. i’ll be so confident and ready and then suddenly one thing in my brain will trip me up and now i’m having an existential crisis and wondering why and how i’m still alive. humaning is weird.

[reealepu]

Diary Dump #2: August 14th, 2022

The dampness inside,

A quiescent abyss.

Teeth screeching - the dust

Stinging, burning within.

Its hot, sticky limbs

Wrapped around skin.

A brief death of the mind,

The slumber of the soul.

SUMMER

[misspoken-mistaken]

01.03.2025

Since reviewing my old material to write a previous post, I have felt maybe it is time to tell the rest of the story. With both kids home it’s hard to sit down and write. It’s hard to sit down and think. Last night, I made buttercream. I frosted cookies. I promptly ate three of them and then gave the rest away. Which was a mistake, because now I desperately want more. I’ve noticed since reading…

[munchymunchy]

i love my egg steamer....

[hellogoodbibye]

I decided I'm going to use this blog again just to post about shows and books and stuff I'm enjoying. This was kind of a forgotten blog for a long time (I have a much older, still active main blog on a different account I don't want associated with this), but I made a side blog with this account specifically to post about my problematic ships called @burn-this-bloggo. That being said, I've been having a lot of fun making ACTUAL blog posts and dipping my toes into some different kinds of fandom I wouldn't usually post about. However, now I want to write and post about more than my problematic ships lol. So I guess I'll just do that here! Boy, this is going to get confusing... Why do I do this to myself??

Lately I've been on an early 2000s Canadian tween shows kick. Stuff like "Life With Derek," "Black Hole High," and "Dark Oracle." I've also been into some other live action shows like "The Vampire Diaries." If I'm not posting about these shows on @burn-this-bloggo, then I'll be posting about it on here! Because I swear I don't just ship problematic things 😅 This is still a pro-ship friendly blog.

[geriatricmagolor]

if it was possible i would get married to sagittarius a* (the black hole)

[blackvahana]

There's so much I don't talk about because I relegate it to being the business, chiefly, of the unincarnated selves... and yeah I do generally like to check with them anyway because talking about things is talking about both our businesses, plural. I won't get deep into it, but...

I'm really, really familiar with myself as a pink haze of psychosis inducing madness. And by that I mean (lull) would use me to fuck with people. I was used to poison people effectively. I've been used to create false realities, drive people fucking insane. I've had my own mind pried open like a lobster being cracked and displayed on its own exoskeleton so that others can be forced through me. I both know what they saw and don't know, I don't want to talk about it, I guess I half do want to talk about it because I'm talking

It's not an abstract fear I have of being dangerous. I was used as a slide show projector of trauma situations to filter through. So many things have happened I don't even remember, and you know, what I remember is already bad enough.

Talking as Dei, because that's who I am: on both sides of the selves I was used as power and control and a bunch of other things

I stand now feeling what I felt before: myself. I can't explain to an audience unless they already get it what it's like to come up against the energy and person who you've watched get effectively injected into people... You know when you smell a scent that was around when you went through trauma? Energy is like that. That's what I have to feel when I come up against myself because myself was there when people were making noises worse than screaming and as I was hooked into them watching what they saw because I was the experience itself.

The idea of being the dream is a messed up one, honestly, but it never had to be messed up. It still doesn't have to be.

[brandnewcherryvapeflavor]

“black holes” should have a cooler name — something that exudes more power and mystery… just a thought

[phagodyke]

beat lvl 4 kaycees mod inscryption AND high dragun enter the gungeon today im on a roll

[abyssalpriest]

anyway Im just thankful that ive gone from "thinking their name accidentally is a blasphemous transgression" to. i mean. i would say something about how Leviathan & Storm Mom and I can literally just talk shit out like hey did you mean this in a bad way? No? ok. or talk about how we can poke and prod each other. or about how i finally feel like im not a burden despite all my issues having just left a fucking cult. but like the progression can be symbolically summarised in Leviathan being like "yeah you can call me Lev online you've earned that" last night

[vepuei]

Turrets on Velöxis

My mother walked in on me and Deception in bed. She searched my desk to make sure I didn’t have a knife for Deception to kill her with. The knife was on the floor. Deception began shouting at my mother while holding me. I grabbed the knife and stabbed him in the stomach while he was still holding me. His words began to distort as he started to die. He slit my throat and my words distorted too.…