#bitches be having anxiety (me)

[lovesickeros]

☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 2 ]

{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings none {☆} word count 1.9k {☆} previous [ 1 ]

This had to be a punishment of some sort – some kind of divine punishment.

She was bored out of her mind just watching the sleeping body – she hadn't blinked once in the past five hours, her eyes were really starting to hurt. Yet they still hadn't moved so much as an inch since she sequestered them away to the only place she had known to be safe.

But it'd been almost a week since then.

The only solace she found was that Teyvat had seemed much less hellbent on collapsing in on itself like a dying star.

That counted for something.

Not much, but something!

..Even if their position was no better then it was a week ago.

There was, after all, still the issue of what to do about the false Creator – the actual imposter – and the Archons following them like blind lambs. The other Archons wouldn't listen if she tried to reason with them, and it would only risk the life of Divine One if she spoke of their location to anyone else.

She also was pretty fond of having her head still attached to her shoulders.

So she avoided them all together. Partially because she wasn't sure she wouldn't have a breakdown at the sight of them..she'd never been a fighter, and fighting an Archon? Easy pass.

Instead she was forced to babysit the sleeping Divine until they woke up while Neuvillette handled taking care of the nation and dealing with the other Archons – and by extension the false Creator.

Really though, she would almost think them dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of their chest.

Though..this also left her with a lot of time to herself. A lot of time to think.

She really didn't like it.

There wasn't a lot to occupy her mind and what little there was only distracted her for a scant few moments before her eyes drifted back to the Divine like she was locked in their orbit, unable to escape.

She closed the same book for the twelfth time – she kept count – and returned it to it's meticulously designed place within her bookcase. A low, barely audible huff of frustration escaped her lips before she could bite it down, her stare boring a hole into the body of the Divine One with a sharp intensity she rarely showed.

She was tired, bored and constantly on edge, fearing that at any moment someone would find out about their presence here.

That, at the drop of a hat, she would be powerless to stop the greatest tragedy of her time play out before her eyes.

Neuvillette would have scolded her for being so petulant, especially around the Divine One, if he were here.

But he wasn't.

He was out running her nation, instead.

And what was she doing? Nothing!

She grit her teeth, nails digging harshly into the palm of her hands as she took a deep breath – now was not the time to think about that. She had..much more pressing matters. Sulking and letting her thoughts spiral helped no one, least of all herself.

Yet her attention was caught by a harsh inhale, the rustle of fabric – were they finally waking up? She was exhausted, but it all vanished at the sudden drop of life within the otherwise deathly still body of the Divine.

Her eyes followed the subtle twitch of their fingers, watching as their brow furrowed and their features twisted in something almost like..pain.

..She wasn't ready.

What was she supposed to say?

Should she even say anything? Would that be considered impolite? Does she wait for them to speak first? Should she kneel? Bow?

She doesn't get much time to find her own answer before their lashes flutter, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Every single thought vanishes from her mind the moment she meets their eyes.

For a long, silent moment she thinks that her heart must have stopped.

Their eyes glow like the cresting of the sun over the horizon, painting the world in hues of gold – yet it also reminded her of the dipping of the moon below the waves, casting the briefest, most gentle of lights upon the world engulfed in darkness. In the depths of their eyes was the birth and death of stars in the infinite cosmos – glittering stars in a sea of empty, blank space that left her feeling lightheaded and breathless.

Beneath the splendor is a spark of recognition in their eyes so vibrant it was like a shooting star piercing through the dark night sky, leaving nothing but the wonder in the eyes of the observer as the only proof it ever existed – brilliant in it's beauty, however brief.

It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.

"Focalors?"

The lilt of their voice nearly made her knees buckle beneath her – euphoria so consuming it left her feeling she was starving swallowed her whole, her mind blanking in a moment of utter bliss. It was..an indescribable feeling that she doubted she could ever hope to put into words – not in a way that could properly express it, try as she might.

She swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips – she couldn't make a fool of herself. Not in front of them of all people. She'd never forgive herself.

"Divine One," She rasps, clearing her throat and covering her mouth with a hand to mask both her nervousness and the small smile that creeps across her face. She quickly regains her composure, hand resting on her hip as she puffs out her chest with every bit of pride she can manage. "I am sure you must be confused, but worry not– your most loyal acolyte has seen the truth!"

The silence is deafening.

She opens one eye, peaking at the bewildered and almost distraught expression of the Divine.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

That..she was not prepared for. Surely they knew who they were! Surely they knew. They had to– she's been praying to them for as long as she's breathed, she's dedicated every hour of her life to living up to their ideals, they can't just–!

"Lady Furina?"

Neuvillette, thankfully, spares her the embarrassment of having a meltdown in front of the Divine, the gentle rap of his knuckles against the door making her and the Divine pause, the soft lull of his voice soothing her nerves and yet setting her on edge at the same time.

"Neuvillette." She clears her throat again, her steps hurried as she marches to the door and pries it open none too gently, a forced smile pulling at her lips. She wastes no time tugging the man into the room, shutting the door behind him with a short huff. The silence is, somehow, even worse then before as the three of them stare at each other in absolute exasperation.

Neuvillette, for his part, manages to get his act together with a sharp clearing of his throat, bowing so low even she looks unnerved. She steals a brief glance at the Divine, and she's taken aback by the uncomfortability twisting their features into a grimace.

Their expression is schooled back into one of empty apathy when he stands back to his full height, but she saw it – she knows she did! Did they not like their worship? Were they not respectful enough? For a moment, she feared the Divine would smite Neuvillette down on the spot..but they just stared at him like he was a ghost.

"Why aren't you killing me?"

The defeated, resigned tone combined with the way their voice cracks makes her heart ache in her chest – it feels as though her entire world is crumbling down at her feet, and she cannot explain why she feels such emotions so strongly, but it is suffocating. It is almost as if Teyvat itself is weeping, bearing down upon her shoulders like a heavy weight.

She feels the urge to weep herself, but she powers through, gritting her teeth long enough for Neuvillette to take his place at the side of her – though it feels more like their – bed, kneeling like he was going to pray.

"Divine One," He offers a hand with a quiet rumble of his voice, the words slipping off his tongue like honey. It's like trying to soothe a stray cat..though she'd never voice such comparisons of the most Divine out loud. "I..we mean you no harm. I swear on my authority as the Iudex of Fontaine and Chief Justice that you are safe with us."

The skepticism she expected, but the reverence in which Neuvillette must convince them – or perhaps they are simply so tired that they simply did not care any longer if it was all some ploy to drive a knife between their ribs. She didn't expect them to actually place their hand in Neuvillette's.

He didn't either, judging by the way he visibly brightened – not that they'd notice, but she did.

..Not that she could really blame him, her heels clicking against the floorboards as she shifted her weight to the other foot with a nervous energy that was practically bursting at the seams, more then a little jealous of the attention he was receiving. She was the one who found them, she was the one who stayed with them the entire time..but he gets all the attention?

How unfair.

"O-of course! We would never lay a hand on our creator," She adds, her voice a little higher pitched then she would have liked as she placed her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest and brushing off the sting of jealousy. "Least of all I– your most loyal, most devout acolyte!"

She felt baffled when she heard the sound of their laughter, her shoulders hunching and her cheeks flushing on mere instinct – she was expecting mockery, but the look in their eyes, still dulled by a pain she cannot even begin to imagine, made her hesitate.

..It was, perhaps, the most genuine thing she'd heard from them ever since before the hunt began.

She wasn't sure why her heart hurt at such an idea, but it was enthralling to see the beginnings of a half hearted smile on their lips.

For a moment, her mask of theatrics was forgotten as she stared at them in a mixture of awe and adoration– and though she didn't look at Neuvillette, she could imagine he must've shared such an expression.

Had she any doubts that they were her Creator, that they alone were the most Divine..they would wiped clean now. There was no mistaking the way the world itself seemed to grow clearer as they glanced up at her like she was worth something.

For a moment, she realized how cold the false Creators gaze had been now that she has felt warmth so gentle it almost made her knees buckle beneath her. It felt like a pale imitation, now.

Nothing could compare to the warmth that spread through her body at the mere semblance of a smile upon their lips. She didn't even mind if it was her they were laughing at anymore, she just wanted to hear them laugh again.

She'd make a fool of herself, if she had to.

She'd never felt so..ravenous for such a thing, but just the briefest glimpse was addictive.

She simply couldn't help herself from striding across the room and clasping their free hand in her own, her smile wide enough to unnerve as she leaned her weight onto the bed. For a moment, she considered pulling away at the way they startled, but her mind was made up by then – there was no going back.

"Again."

[densewentz]

i think the turning point in my life both academically and professionally was realizing that. If you Go First, be it a presentation or an interview or whatever. If you go first, you are being judged based on NOTHING but yourself. They aren't comparing you to anyone else, you don't have an act to "follow". You are the Bar. You can literally just do the best you can and at that point it will automatically be the best they've seen so far. And once you're done you're done. You can mentally and emotionally check out.

Game changer insofar as being stressed about presenting because now I just bulldoze over everyone else to go first like a feral hog.

[northlight14]

Speaking as someone who was constantly late to school, I think punishing kids/teens for being late to school is stupid. Like, I get it. When they’re older, they can’t be late to work and stuff and they need to understand that. But majority of kids/teens are getting to school via their parents or someone else driving them or hell the school bus which is also driven by an adult. So when a kid arrives late and gets punished for it, all that’s happening is a child getting punished because the adult responsible for getting them there on time wasn’t successful. That’s not teaching the kid anything, that’s just annoying. Especially when, as a kid I was always ready on time and it was my parents I was waiting on and then in detention I’d be expected to write down a “what will I do better” that didn’t apply to me because I didn’t do anything wrong

I get that sometimes it will be the kids fault but I feel like those cases are few and far between and punishing a kid for the adults in their life is just counterproductive

[quinngefail]

The experience of putting yourself out there while living with the mindset that it's important to just live blissfully and do what makes you happy (as long as you are not hurting yourself or others). But you still have an anxiety disorder

[phant0ma]

I feel like ace would listen to really slutty music and he'd make a lot of flirty advances (like staring at sanji lovingly until he realises he's bi) but if someone just as much says something like "you have pretty eyes" or comes onto him in any way he's like "oh uh uhm heh ththanks I like yours too where'd you get em haha"

[teddybeartoji]

i'm kind of obsessed with the idea of gojo never driving. like ever. he knows how to drive, he just doesn't like it. he LOVES being the passenger princess and he LOVES taking the public transport.

suguru and shoko both drive (they both also have very sexy cars. like some older cars yk... hear me out shoko with some kind of a convertible?? smoking as her hair flows in the air?? very hot i would say...). sugu and shoko keep complaining about the music he plays but they let him be the dj every single time anyway. satoru doesn't mind sitting in the back either btw. by passenger princess i guess i just meant that he loves to be in the car with his friends lmao. whenever he sits in the back – he's having a party on his own. he has snacks (which he always shares. sugu and shoko just need to open their mouths and satoru is feeding them immediately. they don't even have to ask for it. he sometimes whines about them eating a lot but he still feeds them without a second thought) and he's just loving life back there. he's staring out of the window, slipping from one side of the car to the other and pointing out just about everything he sees. kind of like a child but yk, it's sweet. sometimes he falls asleep in the weirdest fucking positions possible and then wakes up with a terrible neck pain and pouts when his friends laugh at him.

when he's sitting in the front... he's doing all of the same fucking things who am i kidding. he's eating, he's singing, he's pressing his face right against the window and earning a flick to his head for it. also he's fucking AWFUL with maps. idk that just feels right. never ask him any kind of directions bc you'll just get even more lost than you were before; so the only thing satoru is forbidden to in the car is being the gps. actually i kind of have a feeling that shoko isn't that great at it either lmao.... imagine suguru is just sighing loudly before yanking the map from their hands (fuck technology ig) and figuring out where they are on his own while the two of them just laugh their hearts out wahh i love them so fucking much

he looooves the public transport okay. he loves the little rush he gets when he's almost late to the bus; heaving and panting as he barely makes it with a stupid smile on his face. he also loves to blame the subway for being late, it's literally his favourite excuse and whenever somebody tells him to either get a car or idk take the earlier one – he just says that it's boring. because it is!!!! to him it is. he likes to try and enjoy the small things in life and the public transport is sometimes one of those things. he observes everything, he sees everything and he loves telling people about his adventures. the old lady with the rat, the guy with the hair, the man who was naked? yeah, it's all so exciting to him. honestly, i can't really think of anything about the public transport that make him upset in any way. maybe this is a reach but he's just curious little guy okay... he likes to experience new things and whatever might happen on a bus or a tram or a subway is just one of those new things okay.... let him do his thing..... OKAYY anyway i love this man so so so much<333 thank you for listening to my ramble i love you all mwah mwah

[littlefankingdom]

The irony of people being baffled by DC having Bruce being abusive and nobody never addressed it again or it's excused extremely easily, because they can't understand that morality is subjective, and people don't all agree about what is abusive and what isn't (in art school, one of my teacher was a comics writer and he defended hitting children as not being abusive. He is far from the only one), than turning around and writing posts and fics where the batfam say and do stuffs that my family did, were abusive and I'm still healing from that, but painting it as normal and with no effects.

I'm not saying what Bruce is doing sometimes isn't abusive, I'm saying "we don't live in a world where everyone is on the same page about what is abuse"

[iammorethananame]

Me: *financially independent and uncomfortable accepting monetary help*

Also me: *fiercely anti-captalist and anti-rich people*

Still me: *staring wistfully at @theidiotwhowritesthings's sugar daddy!Joel Miller AU* I want one

[disgruntled-lifeform]

People who sell handspun yarn, how do you manage it when the profit margins are so razor thin?

I'm unable to work and money is tight so I've been considering how I can contribute financially and attempt to save up for the future but boy, things look lean.

If you sell your handspun, I'd love to hear from you either in my DMs or the replies/reblogs/tags because I have to make this work somehow...

[sindar-princeling]

I've been anxious for so long and so brave about it this year and I'm really hoping it will allow me to not have to brave for a while because. jesus fucking christ

[scarlettjemily]

My face at the gym:

Meanwhile; my headphones at the gym:

[dressycobra7]

when you wanna talk with and @ some of ur moots more but ur afraid of being annoying or something: ☹️

[angfdz]

have you ever heard the story of the man who was running from the wolves and fell off the edge of the cliff? He managed to hold on to a root sticking out of the ground. Above him, the hungry wolves. Below him, razor sharp rocks and the ocean. Next to him is a patch of strawberries.

when you tell this story you're supposed to ask the person you tell it to "what do you do?" and they can offer you a variety of solutions & you will say, to each of them, that no, it is impossible. But there is an answer to "what do you do" and it's "eat the strawberries".

so i feel like, that's been on my mind lately because falling in love has been the experience of getting chased by wolves & falling off a cliff & hanging over razor sharp rocks and ice cold ocean water, but there's a patch of strawberries next to me

only, there are no wolves, there is no cliff, there is no ice cold ocean water or sharp rocks beneath me. there are only strawberries. but my mind is convinced about the other thing you know? it's convinced. so i'm holding a handful of strawberries, eating them while trembling & shaking because I'm about to die

even though i won't die. even though there's only more strawberries to be had.

[montymollusk]

“kids are so stupid these days, the ipad babies are ruining the world, ten year olds skip school and goes to sephora—“ do you have any idea what it’s been like to go to american public school within the last 15 years? can you blame a child for not wanting to spend 8 hours a day in a place where their safety and autonomy aren’t just not considered, but are blatantly denied?

mass shootings every day. funding being cut. school lunches— which were already the bare minimum in terms of nutrition— being removed. those alone would give anyone trauma, but even without those things the power structures inside of the average public school are designed to wring the individuality out of a child. (and that’s not even mentioning the way that neurodivergent kids are left out to dry by the school system, or how any marginalized kid can be tortured by their peers with no repercussions!) it’s designed to be miserable, and yet somehow people are surprised that kids don’t want to be there.

sandy hook happened in 2012, and nothing changed. uvalde ten years later, and still nothing. kids were forced back into overcrowded, unsanitary classrooms while covid was still killing thousands every day— most after having missed critical social development during lockdown, which there was no support for recovering from. children are being forced to see politicians debate the “ethics” of feeding them, letting them express their gender identity, allowing them to access accurate information about history as if their futures are just hypothetical. along with that is the social media boom, where marginalized people can create communities like never before, and those same kids are realizing that the systems they’ve been shoved into are broken. they’re being showed how awful the situation really is, and still completely powerless to change anything.

can you imagine having to go through all that and still pass your standardized fucking tests? my god, it’s a wonder that schools aren’t completely empty by now. we’re getting there though— i can’t count how many stories i’ve heard of kids dealing with truancy charges because of how many days of school they’ve “skipped” due to extreme anxiety or burnout. i’m one of them! i barely graduated in 2018, and the conditions were leagues better then!

people bitch about the “decline in intelligence” between generations, as if it’s the kids fault for the state of the world, as if this isn’t the inevitable conclusion for the public school system in this country. it feels deliberately ignorant— have you not watched the news recently? does it not evoke any empathy, does it not fill you with rage? how in the world could you pin the blame on kids here?

everyone says protect the children, and yet. fuckin sickening.

[riisume]

Sappy Little Post hehe...

Happy Holidays, nyall! I hope the day is treating you well whether you're running solo or with family/loved ones. :D

Just in case I'm too busy on New Years, I just wanted to say I appreciate each and every one of you so much whether we've interacted or not!

As much as the tumblr tk community has it's ups and downs, I have to say I have the most fun posting and interacting on here than I do other social media sites. And it's because of all of you, old and new, making the space a comfortable and chill experience. ; ;

I've also met some wonderful people on here! And even though we don't talk much, the times we do talk I cherish greatly.

(Sorry for the tags but!) Shout outs to @thornoisdono @xsezzie @ppystkposts @asbestoswater and @pingobuparts they come to mind immediately! We might not talk too much (mostly on my end especially as of late because I've been busy) but I think of you guys very often and how kind you've been to me! Y'all have been nothing but wonderful and a joy to talk to. Thank you for making the end of the year a lot less lonely and being a light in these hard times just by being yourselves! 💕

Thank you ALL for supporting me, I know I've been a bit of a downer, especially this month with everything going on, but I can't express enough how much I appreciate those of you who reach out, check in, send kind words, or just give me the opportunity to interact with your lovely selves!

You're all super wonderful, mutuals or not, and I adore each and every one of you. n_n

Stay safe out there, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year (soon)!

[hyunteru]

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