#girl you do not want to watch 9 people with complete presentations go and then give your speech

[densewentz]

i think the turning point in my life both academically and professionally was realizing that. If you Go First, be it a presentation or an interview or whatever. If you go first, you are being judged based on NOTHING but yourself. They aren't comparing you to anyone else, you don't have an act to "follow". You are the Bar. You can literally just do the best you can and at that point it will automatically be the best they've seen so far. And once you're done you're done. You can mentally and emotionally check out.

Game changer insofar as being stressed about presenting because now I just bulldoze over everyone else to go first like a feral hog.

[asnowperson]

Tanbi to Heroine - Literary classics adapted into shoujo manga

I want to talk about the book of my dreams: Mangaka! Sekai Bungaku - Tanbi to Heroine (マンガ化! 世界文学 耽美とヒロイン). It's a compilation of shoujo manga from the 1970s and 1980s which are adaptations of classics from world literature. Each manga has a little introduction about its artist, and the work it was adapted from. Thank you, our Tosho no Ie overlords.

It came out in 2022, and I'm so happy to own this book. After watching Aoi Bungaku and falling in love with what they did with Kokoro there, I've always wanted to see more anime/manga adaptations of literature. Seeing how authors/directors give the works their own interpretations while still staying faithful to the original work, and not trying to do a 1:1 adaptation can be great, as long as they don't jump the shark. Speaking of which, I even liked Gankutsuou despite the bizarre 3D space mecha fights because Edmond Dantès was still there. I can't get mad at it when the director gets the core of the work right.

Anyway, I want to present this awesome book and the manga collected in this volume!

Hagio Moto – Shiroi Tori ni Natta Shoujo (白い鳥になった少女)

Adapted from Andersen's The Girl Who Trod on A Loaf, and first published in Bessatsu Shoujo Comic 1972/12.

Hagio tells the story from the point of view of the girl who becomes a bird at the end of the tale, which is a very nice touch.

2. Mizuno Hideko – Cendrillon (サンドリヨン)

Adapted from Grimm Brothers' Cinderella, and first published in LaLa 1977/9 & 11.

With Mizuno's exquisite art, this Cinderella adaptation is the perfect fairy tale. On the first and last pages Hideko-tan breaks the fourth wall to give us information about the original work, and going "bruh, these are supposed to be tales for kids but some brutal stuff goes on in them. What's with all the mutilations and eye-gouging?!" It's adorable!

3. Maki Miyako – Hanakagerou (花陽炎)

Adapted from Murasaki Shikibu's The Tale of Genji, and first published in Big Comic for Lady 1987/2.

This excerpt is taken from vol. 2 of Maki's Genji Monogatari adaptation, and depicts a scene that doesn't exist in the original work: Hikaru meeting Lady Fujitsubo for the first time. I must say that all that Genji Monogatari Japanese went over my head ;_;

4. Miuchi Suzue – Takekurabe (たけくらべ)

Adapted From Higuchi Ichiyou's Takekurabe, and first published in Hana to Yume 1977/1 & 2. This story is actually part of Miuchi's Glass Mask. In the manga, it was acted in the third act, “Kaze no Naka wo Iku.” Compiled in vol.s 3-4 Hana to Yume comics version, vol.s 2-3 of Hakusensha Bunko, and vol.s 3-4 of the digital ebook.

Conveying the subtleties of the character through the way Ayumi and Maya acts is quite ingenious. We get adaptation-ception with this one, and I loved it. It really made me want to read the book to get to know Midori better.

5. Sakata Keiko – Okisaki to Nemuri Hime (お妃と眠り姫)

Adapted from Charles Perrault's Sleeping Beauty, and first published in Comic Tom 1989/1.

I haven't read Sakata's works, but she always strikes me as being the odd one in the shoujo scene. And this manga just strengthened my conviction. Her adaptation of Sleeping Beauty focuses on the ogre mother of the Prince, and her loneliness. Which is another ingenious way of going about adapting a fairy tale from a completely point of view. Her funny-looking art and humor adds to it.

6. Fumizuki Kyouko – Shiroki Mori no Chi ni (白き森の地に)

You get this color image I found online, because scanning this gorgeous double spread was impossible. And it's in grayscale in the book.

Adapted from Louis Hémon's Maria Chapdelaine, and first published in Bessatsu Shoujo Friend 1977/3.

I had no idea about this story, but wow, Hémon sure lived a life... This story that takes place in Canada feels really comforting. I'm surprised this didn't get an anime adaptation. Sure, it's not long enough for one, but it'd make a perfect comfort shoujo. "Comfort shoujo" as in people dying and the protagonist growing up after being hit by misery and having to make life-altering choices. I can see why this was popular in Japan.

7. Yamagishi Ryouko – Rapunzel Rapunzel (ラプンツェル・ラプンツェル)

Feast your eyes on this color Rapunzel illustration from the Yamagishi artbook I have.

Adapted from Grimm Brothers's Rapunzel, and first published in Bessatsu Shoujo Friend 1974/6.

Queen Yamagishi does not disappoint: We go full psychological and read about how parents ruin childrens' lives by projecting their shortcomings in life onto them, and their twisted sense of "love" can be worse than a sorceress's curse. Prince charming therapy time, baby!

8. Sato Shio – Bijo to Yajuu (美女と野獣)

Adapted from Madame de Beumont's Beauty and the Beast, and first published in Papermoon Shoujo Manga Fantasy Shoujo Manga – 1001 Nights (5.11.1980).

This short yet poignant adaptation really brings out the love in the story. She distilled the tale, and left what touches your heart the most in these 8 pages.

This work was also originally published in full color, and it's so gorgeous that I bought the book it was first published in. I hope to have it within the month.

So yeah, if you need to gift something to your old-shoujo loving friend, you now know what to get :)

[arcaenawrites]

Charmed at first sight

———————

Lyney x Fem!Reader

SFW | reader has a panic attack

———————

You’ve been watching Lyney’s performances ever since you’ve arrived in Fontaine. The first time you saw him, his charms got to you. But what if the charming magician specifically chose to charm you?

———————

———————

As the crowd waited in anticipation, you continued counting in your head. Was he really able to switch the people in the boxes?! You looked to your side, sitting right next to the second box where they led a girl into. 

10.. 

9…

8…

7…

6…

You counted down, hoping to be able to see Lyney from closer by. You don’t know why, but ever since you first saw him, you instantly fell for him head over heels. You knew it was stupid. After all, you had a terrible taste in partners. You somehow keep getting cheated on, or they reject you because they don’t feel the same way.

Suddenly you realize there’s only one second left and you snap out of your thoughts. It’s time! And just like clockwork, Lyney bursts through the door. You gasp in awe, admiring him from upclose for the first time. The audience shifts their attention to the second box, as the girl appears. Lyney has succesfully completed the trick. You however, do not even glance at the girl. Your eyes stay on Lyney, taking in the color of his eyes, the proud smile, the performance he put up.

Suddenly, he turns around and looks you straight in the eyes.

“Seems like this performance has captured the heart of a young lady here!~” he teased, saying it out loud for everyone to hear.

“Let’s surprise her with a next trick!”. And as he says that, he takes off his hat, puts it on your head, then pulls a bouquet of flowers out of nowhere and hands it to you with a wink, before bowing to the audience and making his way back to the stage, while Lynette was guiding the girl back to her seat.

You sat there, holding the bouquet while the hat covered most of your face. It was probably for the best, as you had never blushed this much ever before.

The end of the show was being announced now, and you managed to talk some sense into yourself. Your stupid brain had started daydreaming, but you knew his behavior was all simply a part of the show. Some questions lingered in your mind though. What are you to do with the hat? Isn’t he supposed to take it back? Doesn’t he need the hat for his shows? You’re not supposed to keep it are you?

You sigh and get up, walking to the reception hall where everyone is already eating little pastries and drinking wine and fonta. As soon as you set foot in the hall, people start crowding you. All of them wanted the hat or one of the flowers from your bouquet. You felt the flowers being ripped from your arms until none were left, and just as someone was about to grab Lyney’s hat from your head, a familiar voice sounded through the room. 

“What do you all think you’re doing?!”

Suddenly it went quiet, people looked shocked and stepped back, while you were shaking in your place, holding onto the hat for dear life while trampled flowers were to be found all over the floor around you.

“When I gave this lady these presents, they were for her. How DARE you take these from her with your greedy hands. The party is over. Go home.” He said, with a stern look on his face. Everyone quickly scurried out, embarrassment written all over their faces. You however, were locked in place. Absolutely terrified that taking a step would be too much. It probably was, considering you were shaking from head to toe. Lyney rushed toward you. 

“Are you okay, m’lady?” He asked, an expression of worry written over his face. You wanted to respond, you really wanted to, but when you opened your mouth, all that came out was a quiet sob as your legs gave out and you found yourself falling to the floor- except you never hit the floor, because Lyney managed to catch you before you did. 

“Lynette? Lynette I need your help!” He yelled to someone behind you. You were holding onto the hat in your arms, loudly sobbing as Lyney and Lynette brought you to their dressing room, seating you in a safe area. After letting you cry out while Lyney was gently patting your back, Lynette came over with a cup of tea. You drink tea and lightly chat with them as you calm down, although it’s mainly them talking while you nod or shake your head, still a bit shaken. After a while, you slowly stand up and apologize for taking up their time. You should go home and make dinner before it gets too late. You move to give Lyney his hat back, but he immediately places his hat back on your head and grabs your hand, kissing the back of it. 

“Let Lynette and I treat you to dinner, it was my fault you ended up in this situation to begin with. No bad blood between us alright?”

You smile softly. “Are you sure, mr. Lyney? I wouldn’t want to waste your time, I think I’ve already done enough of that..

Lyney looks at you with wide eyes. “But my lady, if I had no interest in you I would have never given you my hat and flowers to begin with. Let us dine together, I’m sure Father would be fine with it if you joined us.”

And with that, suddenly, you were by his side.

————————

I might write more on this or do other oneshots if requested, but my Lyney brainrot has been insane lately-

[imaginesforeveryone]

Navy Nurse (Part 1)

Pairing: Rooster x Y/N Summary: You were a Navy Nurse, formally a navy pilot. You moved into being a nurse after you had done your time in the air and wanted to go into being a nurse. But, being presented with an opportunity to leave you home base to go to California changed your life in a. few different aspects.  Warnings: flirting, drinking, 

You had finally made it. You completed your 4 years to get your bachelors degree in nursing. But, that wasn’t it for putting in work for you to begin your life. What you really wanted to do was be a Navy Nurse. So you decided instead of just going in as civilian, you’d do it all. Bootcamp, graduating, ranking up, the whole 9 yards, all while still being a nurse for the Navy men and women. It was pinning-on day for you, you were ranking up to a Captain now. You over see second and first lieutenant nurses now. Your father, also was in the Navy as a aviator at one point, but made it all the way to Commanding officer and constructor. Mike was his name, but most people knew him as Viper. People feared him, but people respected him. He was here to do your pinning today. 

“First Lieutenant Y/N "Rattle” Metcalf. Right now you stand here as our First Lieutenant. But, that changes.“ Your Major spoke into the microphone beside you. Stood at attention you looked out into the crowd, seeing your brother, and your father. 

"We would like to welcome Commanding Officer Mike "Viper” Metcalf to the stage to pin our Lieutenant here today.“ Your Major said as you watched your father stand slowly with his cane next to him. Taking slow steps with men by each side helping him to you. Keeping your face tight and serious trying not to cry. 

"First Lieutenant, we now grant you with the badge of a Captain.” Your major said handing the patch to your father who couldn’t help but smile. He tore off the your old patch and threw it to the ground. He lightly put the new Captain badge on, then giving a not to hard punch to seal with deal. Normally, you give the person being pinned a hard punch to the patch, but obviously your father wouldn’t do that to you. 

“Welcome Captain Y/n "Rattle” Metcalf.“ The major rang out into the mic and the crowd erupted, your family being the loudest. 

"At ease.” He said letting you celebrate along with everyone else. You pulled your dad in for a huge tight hug. 

“So proud of you my little girl.” He said into your ear. 

It was a few weeks later and you were back in the office with all your fellow nurses. With your new ranking came with new responsibilities. Now you were responsible for what the nurses on the floor were doing. What they needed to do. So you spent most of your day assigning them places, and helping out around the floor. It was a normal day. Until your commanding officer came in looking for you. 

“Captain.” You heard from behind you as you restocked a bunch of supplies. You turned and stood at attention. 

“At ease.” He said and you did so. 

“What can I do for you Commander?” You asked. 

“Take a walk with me.” He said. You were slightly confused but followed orders. 

“I know you’ve been here in Virginia, on this base since you came into the Navy. But, I have an offer for you.” He said as you walked down the hallway side by side with a straight posture. 

“Yes, I have sir. I’ve loved every moment of it. Made some amazing friends, and gained all my respect here.” You said agreeing with his statement. 

“But, we have a spot that has opened at the base in California. Specifically Fightertown. Top Gun is reopening so there will be more men and women going there. We need to staff up the hospital over there make sure we have enough people. But also need someone to go on the boat when there is training, and when this mission begins.” He explained the situation to him. You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know if you wanted to leave this town, these people you grew with. But at the same time maybe a new place would be good for you. Also working with Top Gun would be a different thing in its own. 

“Yes Sir. Just have one question.” You said accepting his offer. 

“What is it?” He asked. 

“Will I be flying again?” You asked thinking back to the days when you were a naval aviator. You could fly, always could. Been in planes since you were born. Your dad was Viper for christ sake. He was not going to let his daughter go into the Navy and not fly at all. You wouldn’t say you were the best, but you were good. 

“We will not need you for the mission, but I believe they do want you to do some training with them.” He explained you. 

“Alright sir. When do I leave?” 

It was about a month later and you were settled into your new house in Fightertown, tomorrow you started with Top Gun. Not in the air yet but, going through simulations next to Maverick, who you father has known since his Top Gun days. You haven’t really made friends with anyone yet on base. So, you decided to go out and go to the Hard Deck, which was a Navy hang out. So maybe you’d meet some people. You weren’t going to wear your uniform because well for a few reasons. One being you don’t want someone trying to be friends with you just because of the last name you had, and two they were god awfully uncomfortable and ugly. You decided on a pair of tight blue jeans, a navy blue tank top to show off your tattooed arm, and chunky heeled leather boots. A little make up, your rings, but you kept your dog tags on, stuffing them into your shirt, the chain the only thing showing between the little bit of cleavage the tank top showed. Maybe you’d meet a cute boy. Grabbing your leather jacket off the hook before walking out your front door. You went to your Jeep Wrangler that you had brought along from Virginia so you weren’t without a car to get places. Getting in it and starting it, you backed up out of your driveway and headed to the Hard Deck. Arriving not to long later, the place was packed. It wasn’t like it was a Friday night it was only Thursday. Parking your car next to another Jeep, getting out, shutting your door and locking it. 

“Here goes nothing.” You said outloud to yourself as you walked towards the front door. Walking in and seeing the place almost packed enough that you couldn’t move. You pushed through to the bar and found a seat. You took it and waited for the bartender to come to you. 

“Hey there sweetie, what can I get ya?” The women behind the bar said coming up to you. 

“A beer and a shot of whiskey.” You said handing her your card. She smiled taking it from you and grabbing your drink. She came back just a few minutes later with your stuff and handed your card back. 

“Is it always this busy!?” You asked, yelling over the chatter and loud music. 

“Yeah, almost everyday after the Navy is done with their work day. You new here?” She asked. 

“Kind of. Been here about a month. Just recently settled in at my house. So thought I’d get out and learn this new place.” You told her. 

“Navy?” She asked. 

“Yeah. How did you know?” You asked as you tipped back your shot. 

“Just have the look. I’m Penny.” She said putting her hand out to shake. 

“Y/N!” You yelled out. 

“What do you do?” She asked being very friendly. 

“I’m a nurse now. But, came here to help out with Top Gun.” You told her thinking maybe she knew what that was considering how many fighter pilots come into this place.

“Oh, is that right? Must be a pretty good pilot for them to take you off nurse duty to fly.” She said wiping the counter in front of you. 

“Yeah. My father was the Commanding Officer back in the 80’s.” You told her. 

“Oh, who’s you father? I’ve had my fair share of running into many Top Gun men.” She asked leaning over the counter. 

“Mike "Viper” Metcalf.“ You told her. She smiled slightly. 

"Yeah, I knew of him. He had a soft spot for Maverick back in the day. But the must make you Rattle. I’ve heard of you. You’ve done some good things up there in the sky.” She said with a smile setting another beer and shot in front of you. 

“Just please don’t say my name, or who my father is. I don’t want people trying to be friends with me because of who I am.” You pleaded with her. 

“Course hon. Those are on the house.” She said walking away from you. You smiled and turned in your seat looking around the room. Seeing all the men and women drinking and having a good time. 

“Bradshaw!” You heard someone yelling catching your attention. You followed the women eyes and saw a man walking into the bar. He definitely caught your eye. He was tall, wide shoulders, wore a Hawaiian shirt, with a low cut tank top underneath, blue jeans and a pair of aviator hung off his nose. You watched as he walked in and to the back where the women in Navy Tans stood with a bunch of men in Navy Tans. So you assumed he was also in the Navy. 

“Penny, darling, can I get 4 beers please?” A man came over pushing himself between you and the person next to you. He was also a very pretty man. Perfect jaw line, wide shoulders, thick arms. But, you knew these kind of guys just by looking at him. An aviator that has had his ego fed for to long. 

“Hello there beautiful. I’m Jake, but you can call me Hangman.” He said smiling down on at you with a toothpick sticking out of his mouth.

“Y/N. But you can call me, Y/N.” You said being sarcastic. 

“Oh, feisty one huh? I like that.” He said taking his beer and taking a sip. 

“Bagman, leave the lady alone.” The women who yelled out to Bradshaw earlier said.

“Sorry about my friend, he’s a bit of a asshole.” She said smiling. Hangman rolled his eyes, grabbed his drinks, winked at you and walked away towards the very handsome man you saw earlier. 

“Natasha, or Phoenix.” She said shaking your hand. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N.” You said with a smile. 

“So, you in the Navy too?” She asked. 

“Yeah. You know the look?” You asked with a giggle thinking back to what Penny said not to long ago. 

“Yeah. I do, being one. What do you do?” She asked. 

“I’m a nurse.” You told her avoiding telling her about why you were really here because you didn’t know what she did. 

“Oh, alright. What’s you rank?” She asked sipping her beer. 

“Captain.” She said plainly. 

“Oh, wow. You’re very young. Would have thought 1st or 2nd Lieutenant.” She said looking you up and down. 

“Yeah, worked my ass off for the passed couple of years to get here.” You told her. All of a sudden the jukebox was unplugged and everyone booed. But quickly you heard a piano ring out. 

“Come on.” Phoenix said grabbing your arm with a smile. But grabbing your beer before you couldn’t. She pushed up to the front to stand behind the person playing the piano. Once she moved out of your view of seeing who was playing you saw, it was Bradshaw. He looked even better up close. You smiled as you heard “Great Balls of Fire” begin. You went over to stand in front of the piano so he could get a view of you, but so you could also get a good view of him. He looked up over his aviators at your as he began to sing. 

“You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain, too much love drives a man insane.” He sang out loud and everyone singing along. The song rang out across the bar. You sang along enjoying this moment, not being able to take your eyes off this man. 

“Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!!!” Everyone sang out the last line of the song. He reached for his sunglasses pushing them down to give you a wink before everyone came over to engulf him. You smiled as everyone cheered for him. You felt a slight breeze from behind you, noticing there was a sliding glass door that goes out to a deck. You decided to go out and get a breathe of fresh cool air, after sweating in there. You breathed in the cool salty ocean air and closed your eyes relaxing your body.

“Hey.” You heard a voice from behind you say. You turned to see it was Bradshaw. He had two beer and walked up next to you. He handed you a beer and took a swig of his. 

“Bradley Bradshaw.” He said putting his hand out to shake yours. 

“Bradley Bradshaw?” You asked confused at his name. 

“Yeah, yeah I know. Two Brads. You can call me Rooster.” He said laughing under his breathe. 

“Nice to meet you Rooster. Y/N.” You said taking a sip of you beer. 

“Well, I haven’t seen you around here.” He said turning around so his back was up against the railing, while you looked out to the ocean. 

“Yeah, I’m new to the area.” You said looking over at him. 

“Well, I’m pretty happy I see you now.” He said looking you in the eyes. You slightly blushed and turned to him. 

“Pretty happy I see you now also. Not too bad of a sight to look at.” You said with a smile. 

“Well if you think you will come here more often, here’s my number. Let me know when you come and I’ll be here.” He said handing you a piece of paper with his number. 

“Maybe I will, maybe I wont. Maybe see you around Rooster!” You said with a smile and you walked passed him. 

Maybe California wouldn’t be too bad after all.

[beautifulphilosopherkisses]

on romanticizing your life (as a student + without going broke )

‘you only live once’ is a quote I LOVE and hear justifying about every bad decision I’ve made so far. it’s not only true, but also a reflection of the limited time we have especially when we’re young. I wanted to make a lil post about some exciting things you can do with your free will WITHOUT going broke, getting grounded, or otherwise putting yourself in danger. also you can totally do this alone!! so….

1.) stargazing

if you can do this outside I am so insanely jealous, and go it (without safety ofc)! my neighborhood is not that safe lol, so what I like to do instead in my room is do makeshift stargazing!

to do this you basically turn off all lights, open your blinds completely (ensure it is dark enough to see stars), and I basically play some music and watch the stars from my window. I find it pretty calming and it’s a good way for me to think.

2.) side quest walks

side quest walks are basically going on a walk around your neighborhood/area without a purpose and exploring things as you go along. my fave ways to do this are:

- prep (keys, charged phone, etc- especially to my girls please keep yourself safe and tell someone where you’re going)

-get a fancy drink, go to the park and watch the clouds go by

-walk to the library, find an interesting book and read until you want to go home- find something really old and interesting!

-walk in the city and pay attention to the people around you- the way they walk, their hairstyles, the shoes they’re wearing. just be present and observe them, draw them later if you have time (don’t stare or you may cause trouble…lol)

3.) stay up as late as you possibly can, get yourself a fun little midnight snack, put in your favourite playlist and read fanfic. for the thrill factor do so when you have school the next morning

4.) dress up, do your makeup, and dance around your room to a ton of house music. we have the club at home!

5.) debate with people on Roblox or Reddit (not really romanticizing but it’s tons of fun those people get HEATED)

6.) cook the craziest most elaborate meal you can find only using what you have. (I mean you could buy it too).

7.) bike to the store, buy a lunchbox cake then eat it near the beach/park. bring a book if you’d like!

8.) make conversations with strangers at your school/work/general area. sometimes all it takes is some small talk to boost your mood.

9.) make mocktails, try to make really detailed ones on your own and find substitutes then pair it with a new show (or use the real thing up to you 🤗) I recommend ‘You,’ ‘The Vampire Diaries,’ or ‘Glee.’

10.) Do your makeup from the year you were born, style your hair in a completely crazy and different way (when I’m bored I cut my hair, but that’s optional and not recommended). experiment with what you like and add depth to your style!

It’s snowing where I am so I’m PRAYING classes are cancelled (pls pls pls). I hope you have the most wonderful week and know you are so loved and blessed mwah 💋💋

[mostmouse]

Starting an Adaman x reader fic because I’m so freshly obsessed. Here’s the first chapter :> also posted on AO3 under the same user!

The One Chosen by Arceus

Your previous life was difficult, but at least you had indoor plumbing. But hey, at least this life has Adaman. You two begin a relationship and Adaman is interested in how you'd like to progress based on your customs from where you're from. Your preferences, however, have him a bit dizzy and flustered, but aren't entirely unwelcomed. It'll just take a bit of time.

Chapter 1: Your Future That Was and Your Present That Is

Living in the past was hard. Especially when you had had all the blessings of modern life. Essential items like indoor plumbing, laundry pods, and instant noodles. Then of course were the other, more progressive blessings. Such as having autonomy over your body, your sexuality, and the freedom to dress and act how you wanted.

You were lucky you weren’t part of either the Diamond or the Pearl clans, as they were much more rigid in tradition than that of the Galaxy Team. A few benefits to being in the past was that everything was... simpler. You could just do what you wanted, you didn’t need a 9-5 chaining you to a desk or slaving away in retail. However, you also couldn’t stop at a street cart for a quick meal, either.

You heaved a heavy sigh, hauling a large piece of wood up to your homestead. Your pokemon were around you helping with other degrees of difficulty. You insisted the smaller ones didn’t need to help, but they seemed to ignore you, proving they were just as big and strong as the others. It warmed your heart to know that pokemon weren’t really all that different from your time. They were of course, much much less domesticated than you were used to, but with TLC and persistence, they were as loyal as your team back when you were from.

“Putting them to work, I see.” Huffing laughter sounded behind you, and with a loud ‘oomf’ you dropped the heavy wood to the ground. Your pokemon were more than used to Adaman coming around and paid him no mind as they continued to haul wood and slash it into smaller pieces.

“I don’t make them, they want to help. Of course, it’s incredibly appreciated all the same. I’ll have to make something delicious for dinner. You swing by to eat with us?” You were clad in only a rudimentary sports bra and casual pants, your new age tattoos on full display. Of which had Adaman respectfully, and bashfully, looking away.

“I- uh, yeah. If you don’t mind.” You gave him a second to compose himself before he met your eyes once more. You smiled somewhat apologetically. You were used to doing house work in athleisure, and considering you lived alone out in the coastlands, far from Iscan, you weren’t thinking of anyone seeing you. In this time, it was scandalous for a woman to be so disrobed, especially in the outdoors, and more importantly - in front of a man who wasn’t her husband.

You had made it clear to Adaman when he first saw you in such attire that back when you were from, it was completely normal for women and girls to expose their shoulders. Normal even for some young women to expose their midriffs, chests, and back. Of course, he wasn’t necessarily a man for fashion, but he enjoyed the stories all the same. And you found him on more than one occasion leering at you - but you had the decency to not bring it up. At least not at that time.

Sidling up next to you, he motioned to the wood at your feet, “Need some help?”

“Ah, no thanks. Actually, with you here, I can get started on dinner. These cuties are bomb with cutting the wood, but making dinner is more suited for people hands, don’tcha think?”

Your grin had him entranced, though your words went over his head a bit. “They’re a bomb? Are they going to explode the wood?” He watched as your face morphed into a smirk. “Hey! Don’t give me that look, I may be the all wise leader of the Diamond Clan, but how am I supposed to know what all your new age phrases mean?”

“Have I not said ‘bomb’ yet? Interesting... well it's a little old for slang in my time, too, so I guess it's not surprising I haven’t said it.” You shrugged nonchalantly, waving Adaman up to your porch as you both went inside to prepare dinner.

“Ha, you saying old fashioned things? I can count on one hand the things you’ve said that I’d consider old fashioned.” His sly grin had you elbowing him in the side. “So, what’re we making?” Rubbing his hands together, he looked to you eagerly.

“Stew! Again...” You laughed sheepishly, it was your main go-to dinner dish. Easy to make, easy to taste good, and easy to eat for a few days. You expected a groan from your unexpected dinner date, but instead he rubbed his belly and had a dreamy look on his face.

Sighing aloud, “Mmmmm... Your stew... It's so good! I won’t ever get tired of it. Think I could take some home later for Mai and the others?” His eyes were fixated on yours, your cheeks warming a bit.

“Yeah, of course! I always make tons anyways, I’m used to feeding a lot of people, so honestly, you taking some off my hands is a favor.” Scratching the back of your head, “And thanks for not being annoyed, I know it must not be very enjoyable to eat the same thing over and over when you come and visit.” You couldn’t help it, honestly. It was the easiest thing to make. Plus, you could toss in a bunch of stuff and it still would taste amazing.

Adaman laughed loudly, “Please! If it was bad maybe I’d complain, but it’s absolutely delicious, I look forward to it every time I visit. Honestly, I miss it when I’m not here. No matter how often I make it with you, I can’t quite replicate it back at the Settlement.”

You grinned, walking backwards towards the kitchen, holding a finger over your lips, “Aye lad, ‘tis a family secret.” You laughed at his confused expression, moving around the counters and grabbing spices you had tediously collected. “Next time I’m in the Settlement I’ll make some for you and write some notes for a recipe. Just remember,” Sitting everything in front of you, you moved to the Rotom fridge you had, “Nothing needs measuring. You feel it from here.”

Adaman watched as you held your hands to your chest, eyes closed. “To your heart?” Blinking at each other, you burst into laughter.

“Sorry, sorry. I meant here.” You made a big show of rubbing your belly with your tongue sticking out. He grinned as he leaned forward on the counter, watching you closely with every move you made. “Tonight, we’ll be having stantler meat!”

You presented him with the wrapping of fresh meat from a stantler you had killed earlier in the day. He smiled softly, resting his hands atop yours that sat on the bundle. The both of you closed your eyes as he whispered a prayer, thanking Almighty Sinnoh and Mighty Dialga for the life of the stantler and for blessing you with the meal.

Keeping your eyes closed, you breathed deeply for a moment. Everything in this time was different. You had to learn how to field dress your dinner, how to preserve it, and how to thank it for its life and for how it was now sustaining you. Everything felt much more connected in this simple life you now lived.

Gasping slightly, you gave a start as Adaman kissed you softly. Opening your eyes, your cheeks warm, you met his soft gaze. “Sorry, you just looked so peaceful. Couldn’t help myself.” You smiled easily, leaning forward and nuzzling his nose with yours before you gave him a quick kiss back.

That was how it's been for the past few months. You couldn’t deny the spark you had for each other, the heat in your chests gathering every day you spent together. He had helped you build your house halfway through when he finally sniffed you out. He had told you it was a coincidence, and had sworn Calaba to secrecy when he begged her to have Ursaluna track you based on a scarf he had from you. He had tried to enlist Iscan for help, but the man refused to oust you without your prior permission.

It was a favor he anxiously awaited the Pearl Warden to call upon everyday, but most importantly - it had led to you. He had been overly flustered in the beginning as he helped you build your house. Your revealing clothes had been a culture shock to him, especially when he had seen all your new world tattoos.

It wasn’t as if tattoos were uncommon, he knew many people who had them. However, they weren’t done with such artistic style, detail, and colors as yours had. Many of them were of pokemon he had never seen, let alone heard of. You had spent those evenings together next to the fire, breathing in the salty air as you showed him each art piece and described the pokemon depicted. Some were just art that you liked. He knew if a select few of his people saw you undressed like you usually were, they would sneer and judge you.

But he welcomed the change. Welcomed the happiness you brought him. At first it was fascination with you falling from the sky, then about your connection with the rift and the Lords of the land. He kept telling himself it was just all the new interesting curiosities that seemed to surround your very existence. How you were chosen by Dialga, how it seemed you were truly blessed by Arceus, how you saved all of Hisui.

It took him time to realize he was in love with you. Longer than he’d like to admit, but he rationalized it in his heart, that it wasn’t time wasted but instead time used to understand you and himself. How you fit into his heart and soul. He had come to such a realization while he was helping you construct things for the house. Every day spent designing, building, preparing, decorating. Every time you explained what you had in your home back where you were from, how you mistified him with the forms Rotom could take and how you utilized the small pokemon, and others as well to make life easier in this untamed world.

“Adaman... Adaman... Hey! Adaman! Are you listening to me?” He jumped slightly, your voice in his ear and your hands tugging at his hair. With a flush from the sudden excitement of you pulling his hair and saying his name right into his ears, he jerked back. “What were you thinking about, oh wise one?”

Huffing a small laugh, he moved around you, grabbing the large cauldron from the floor by the... fridge, you had called it. “About how I’m about to expire from hunger, I mean really - how long is this going to take?”

He grinned as he heard you gathering everything together and rushing towards him. “Shouldn’t be too long, I have some bone broth I made earlier. Of course, the stew will always taste better the longer it sits for.” The two of you grinned at each other. You couldn’t help as butterfree gathered in your tummy.

Every time Adaman smiled at you felt like the first time. He had your heart in knots, and you were sure that you were in love with him. You hated how in this time, everyone was so conservative. Suffocatingly so. You paid little attention as Adaman dropped the cauldron into the already burning fire pit, or how he went back inside to grab the aforementioned broth. You focused instead on portioning out some spices, cutting what needed to be cut, and crushing what needed to be crushed.

You felt as if you were grinding your frustrations down as well. Yes, everyone here was either mildly conservative or extremely so. You knew it would be a blow to his reputation if anyone saw you wantonly kissing the Diamond Clan leader. How scandalous indeed, to be seen kissing someone you weren’t promised to on the mouth. How they would balk at the thought of you kissing his neck and leaving marks.

You wanted your relationship with Adaman to go further. To be physical in more ways than just hot and heavy kissing. But you had no idea how to even broach the subject. He had never made a pass at you to go further than kissing, had only somewhat begun to reciprocate your neck kisses. No petting or groping or grinding. It was driving you mad. You wanted to jump his bones, but you were sure he had never been with anyone, he just wasn’t the type to fool around, no matter how much he seemed like a flirt.

However, you were sure Iscan knew to an extent how close the two of you were. The Warden was no stranger to the coast and had found you early on. Adaman had seen him around as well and had pulled aside his clansman in a hush of whispers. At the time you were worried some what that Iscan would tell the other Diamond Clan people that their leader was frolicking on the coast with a barely clothed outsider. But you quickly realized such assumptions were needless when you remembered his relationship with Palina of the Pearl Clan, not to mention how trustworth and honorable he was. Your secret was safe with the noble Warden of Basculegion.

“Boo!” You startled from your lost thoughts as a warm strong hand held your wrist tightly, keeping the knife secure as an arm looped around your waist.

“Adaman!” He laughed easily behind you, body against your sparsely clothed one, soft clothes rubbing you. “Thank you for holding my hand, at least now I can’t say you were at fault for me disemboweling myself.”

Loud gagging echoed behind you as you laughed louder, his warmth leaving you as he came around to dump the broth into the pot, grabbing the bones as they threatened to fall in. Setting them aside, he added the meat as you dumped all the spices in. “Can you grab the veggies from the fridge? I forgot to get them. Oh! And another knife, there’s a lot so we can share cutting them up.”

“You’ve got it, boss.” You cackled as he walked away, his own laughter drowned out by yours. Almighty Sinnoh, how he adored you. He sauntered into your home as if it were his and he toyed with the idea that had been sitting in the back of his mind for some time now. He just wasn’t sure how to bring it up. You were from a different time, you hadn’t even flinched when he suddenly kissed you for the first time!

If anything, he thought back, you were excited. Thrilled, even. You immediately sought him out, clinging to the front of his haori and pulling him into another kiss. When you had licked his lips with your tongue though is when he pulled away. Your assertiveness, and experience, had made him too nervous.

You had explained to him how doing something like that wasn’t inappropriate, how it was casual and normal to do from the time you were from. He had told you how much he liked you, and you confessed that you cared a lot about him as well. You kissed a couple more times, all closed mouthed, and he thought he would burn up from the inside out.

It wasn’t long before he was kissing you more boldly, though without tongue. It had taken him weeks to be brave enough to do so, but once he let you roam inside his mouth he couldn’t stop himself from craving your kisses. How he dreamed about them, yearned for them, and sought them out actively every time you were together.

He brought the veggies out to you, sitting another cutting board in front of him as well and the two of you began to cut vegetables together in comforting silence, listening to the fire pop and your pokemon chew on the leftover bones.

Adaman let his gaze wander to you. You looked at peace and in your element preparing the meal. You’d make a good wife. Swallowing thickly, he turned back to his own board, tips of his ears red. He hoped you wouldn’t notice. He had been thinking of proposing, maybe... But it wasn’t something he could simply do considering he was the leader of the Diamond Clan. His marriage would at least have to be somewhat political. Either within his own Clan, or possibly someone from the Pearl Clan.

However... You were a part of the Galaxy Team... That in a way could be political. He would have to ask Irida her thoughts about it the next time he saw her. He felt you shift closer to him as you dumped your portion of the veggies into the pot. He smiled, leaning on your shoulder as he followed suit.

“Here, I’ll take them back inside.” You grabbed the knives and cutting boards and made your way back inside. Adaman turned and somewhat shamefully watched you as you walked away. His eyes couldn’t keep themselves away from your backside, or thighs, or shoulders. You had become toned in the time you spent in Hisui, certainly all the physical labor and constant working had taken its toll on you.

Quickly turning back to the cauldron, he swallowed thickly. Tonight would be the night. He would ask you if he could stay with you throughout the night, and sleep together. In the same bed. Together. You and him. He wanted to take your relationship to the next level, but he was also painfully nervous about it all. But he could do this - just sleep. With you. In bed. Together.

Swallowing thickly, he jumped slightly as he heard the door to your home close, signaling your return. He took a deep relaxing breath. He could do this. He could ask you about... sleeping. Together. He would have to make it clear though that that was all he wanted to do. He didn’t want to get your hopes up just to upset you by saying no later on.

He had said it before, too. When your hands wandered over him while you were kissing sometimes. He felt terrible, like he was letting you down or holding you back. But every time you always backed off him completely. Would ask him if he wanted to keep going or to stop. Sometimes he would say keep going, other times he would feel so overwhelmed that he asked you to stop completely. Sometimes he even asked if you could put a kimono on and cover yourself.

He always felt like a bad person afterwards. Like he was hurting your feelings or stealing something from you. Every time though, you always held his face, kissed his forehead, and told him that you wanted whatever he wanted, at any pace he wanted to go. He felt like a child. Sure, he was well past the marrying age for the history of his Clan position, but... He just didn’t have the experience.

He didn’t know what experience you had, however... He was too nervous to talk about any sort of intimate details like that with you. He would pluck up the nerves soon though. He wanted to know, wanted to know what you wanted in this relationship. But first he would have to find out what he wanted from this relationship... Was it even a relationship? What were the two of you, anyways?

A loud sound shook him from his spiraling thoughts, and he thanked Sinnoh for such a distraction. Your pokemon seemed to be fighting over the last bone from the stock earlier and you had gone over to them to sort it out.

“The way you handle your pokemon is incredible, you know. They’re openly being food aggressive and yet you get right between them like it's nothing.” His gaze was full of admiration as he watched you, arm resting on his knee and face in his palm.

You could feel him watching you, body getting hot from the compliments. “Ha, thanks. It's nothing, really. I just... I was raised differently, you know? Pokemon are such an intrinsic part of my life back where I’m from. And here... It’s no different, but still completely different, you know? I trust my team with my life, and I try to treat them as my equals, as my family. Cause that’s what they are, you know?”

You tried to not get lost in your thoughts, “When the Galaxy Team turned their backs on me- well, most of them, all I had were my pokemon. And you and Irida, of course!” You turned back to him from where you were holding your Rapidash’s face in your hands, a large grin plastered across your perfect visage. “I was so lost, and hurt, and scared. But these guys were here for me, and I’ll never take that unconditional love for granted. Not when I’ve lost everything so many times.”

Adaman stood, walking towards you after giving the pot a generous few stirs. Circling his arms around your midsection, he rested his jaw on your shoulder, watching as Rapidash soaked up all the affection from her handler. He knew about who you were before you came to him- or well, to Hisui.

You came from a life of struggle. Of losing things and people close to you. How you treasured every friendship you had, but always scared of holding someone too close. He was thankful to Mighty Dialga that you allowed him into your heart and life. He was happy you let Mr. Professor and Rei in too, and begrudgingly Irida as well. He was afraid, back at the Ancient Retreat, that you’d have chosen Irida over him, for just a moment.

You weren’t close then, not like you were now. But he had realized then that he wanted to be close to you. That he wanted more than just a professional alliance, he wanted you in his life. As a companion.

Inhaling your scent, he nuzzled into your neck, kissing you softly. You sighed happily, hand coming up to pet his hair. He hummed happily before taking a deep breath. “Mind if I stay? Here, with you? For the night, I mean?” He felt you tense under him, hiding his face resolutely in your neck. All his earlier sense of bravado suddenly lost. He didn’t want to see your expression as he followed up with, “Just to sleep, I mean. I’m not ready for anything else just yet... I just... Want to be close.”

Finally, he let you turn in his arms, bashfully looking to the side with pink cheeks. You gently caught his face in your hands, leaning on your tiptoes and kissing his forehead. “Only if you really want to. I don’t want you to feel like you have to, or that you’re neglecting me. I’m happy with what we are right now, and I’d love for us to have a sleepover, too!”

Relief spread through his body as he relaxed, your arms winding around his neck as he leaned forward to kiss you. With more confidence than asking you his question, he licked your lower lip, slipping his tongue into your mouth as you both moaned softly. Indulging in you was so easy, it was if it instantly relaxed him.

Sliding his arms downwards, he kept one around your waist and tentatively moved the other to hold your hip. Tightening his grip, he pulled you closer and moved his lips against yours, pressing his tongue deeper into your mouth. Tracing over your tongue, he brushed along your teeth and cheeks, moaning into your mouth as you sighed happily.

Rapidash, however, was not happy to have lost her attention from her favorite human, leaning down to where Adaman’s hand rested on your hip and nipped him. “Ow! Hey-” His words died in his throat as Rapidash puffed air into his face before nudging him away from you. Leaning forward, she rested her large head across your chest, effectively keeping Adaman from getting close to you again. “Are you just gonna let her do that?!”

His incredulous voice, combined with Rapidash’s haughty behavior, had you in a fit of giggles, laughing so hard you bent forward and wheezed. “H-Hey, come on! You’re not even going to scold her? I see who your favorite is...” Adaman turned before you saw his wide smile, moving back to the cauldron and stirring it once more, scraping the bottom to make sure nothing was sticking.

“Awww, Rapidash, are you jealous, my little lovebug?” Your loud cooing words were meant to tease him as much as it was to soothe your pokemon. “You’re my most favorite Rapidash ever, yes you are! No one is as beautiful and majestic as you! Just look at your wonderful awe inspiring blue flames! Yes you are, you’re just so pretty, my prettiest girl, mommy loves you, yes she does!”

Smiling to himself, he stared dreamily at you, your other pokemon beginning to circle you as well, all begging for attention after listening to you gush over Rapidash. Laughing happily, without a care in the world, he watched as you gave each one well deserved strokes, pets, and kisses.

He sighed contentedly. Leaning back on his hands, his lower back against the log the two of you usually sat on, and watched you. Once you had loved up on your pokemon, you once again sought him out. Your pokemon followed you, circling the two of you and getting comfortable as they dozed off in the evening sun.

Standing before him, you pointed at his lap where he sat, “Is this seat taken? You can say no.” You smiled easily at him, your hair in the wind and he could smell the sweet scent of your soap. Swallowing thickly, he cleared his throat. Scratching the back of his neck, he nodded, and braced himself as you sat happily on his lap.

Relaxing as you didn’t do anymore than sit and look at him, he melted and wrapped his arms around you again. His hands traced your tattoos and admired them once more. “I hope we can get the technology to do this in our time. I wouldn’t mind having Leafeon immortalized on my arm.”

You smiled at him, snuggling against his chest and holding out your arms, admiring your ink as well. “I don’t know if we will, but I do know that you honor your Leafeon in your heart and your conduct.” Turning to look at him, you pursed your lips together at the shining adoration in his gaze, cheeks hot.

“You always say such profound things.” Brushing your hair with his calloused palms, he leaned forward again to kiss you softly. Pulling away, he kissed your forehead. “You say and do things that make me rethink where we are in life. I’ve embraced so much change thanks to you. I’ll always be grateful for what you’ve done for the Diamond Clan and... For me as well. Thank you.”

With another kiss, he lost himself in your warmth and the two of you cuddled by the fire as you waited for the stew to finish.

[iguessitsjustme]

Be My Favorite - Episode 9 Thoughts

Am I watching this on Friday this week? On the day it airs? On time? Who am I? 

-Every week, I’m grateful for the previously on because I’ve blocked it from my memory and need to be reminded. 

-I still like the opening song. This hasn’t changed. No one is surprised. I say this each week. Krist actually has a nice voice.

-Unrelated to the show, but I’m gonna kill the bar next to my apartment. What the fuck is this beat? Need to pause until they move on to the next song that doesn’t distract me from the show. 

-Glad Kawi is quitting drinking. He doesn’t seem to be able to do it in moderation so quitting and sobriety is probably the best option for him. But that poses an interesting question in how the time travel affects him. In the future, he was an alcoholic and couldn’t stop. But in the present, he can easily quit. How does that work?

-Pear, my precious angel child. I love you. 

-I hate Pear’s mother. It took 3 seconds of Pisaeng’s explanation. A child isn’t something that you can just abandon cause you didn’t feel like it anymore. That’s not how that fucking works. You tell her Pear!

-I actually disagree with Pisaeng here. It’s ultimately Kawi’s decision whether or not he performs with the band and Pisaeng can’t make that choice for him. And then making Kawi choose between him or the band is like making Kawi choose between his future and his love life. I know Pisaeng wasn’t serious about it but it still rubbed me the wrong way. 

-What the fuck is this peer pressure to drink? It’s 2023 and people should know better. 

-Poor Pisaeng. He’s gonna get alcohol poisoning. 

-Hold up. Why the FUCK am I not eating my cake right now while I watch this? What’s wrong with me?

-I hate Pear’s dad too. Neither parent cares about the well-being of their child. He forced his forgiveness into his child and didn’t let her properly heal. Pear, darling, I love you so much. 

-Drunk Pisaeng is adorable. 

-So Kawi has charged his phone for a ride but hasn’t called Pear back even though she called multiple times. I would have at least checked in. One call, I’d text. Two calls, I’d call. Is she okay?

-This is an interesting change. This time Pisaeng got drunk and kissed Kawi. Don’t think I didn’t notice that little flip flop there. 

-Oh wait. He was denied. Lol. 

-Oh lord not Not seeing it. The absolute worst person on the planet. He should go fuck himself. Why the fuck is he calling Pear to report on Pisaeng and Kawi. Does he think outing them is gonna get him anything? It better fucking not. The only thing he should be getting is a swift kick in the ass.

-“You might not be able to resist your desire” what is this? A MAME show?

-Is this communication? Honest to god communication? In a Jittirain show?

-These assholes should mind the business that pays them. How the fuck is this their business in any way. I will NEVER forgive anyone for outing people. Ever. Especially Not who is outing his “friends” so he can have a chance with Pear. That’s completely fucked up.

-Pear deserves better than this show. Kawi sacrificed her happy future for his. Although how happy could she have been if she was marrying and extremely closeted Pisaeng. 

-Kwan, girl, Not? I mean we been knew you loved him. But seriously? He sucks. If he ends up with Pear, I’ll riot.

-Not, I hope Pear bitchslaps you. That’s all I want from Not.

-Kawi, tell me, how is breaking up with Pisaeng going to make anything better? Seriously. No really and truly. The issue isn’t that you’re with him. It’s that you didn’t talk to Pear first. Just give her some time. The rest of the issues? Not. All Not. Launch him into the sun and y’all will be good to go. 

-Pisaeng, you’re so right. Hold hands and go through it together. 

-Pear is a good person and I love her.

-That’s right! Reject him! Make him cry! I hope he cries.

-I probably enjoyed this episode more than any of the others so far! Now I just need this show to get rid of Not and I’ll be happy. 

[krismatic]

No no cause like. Um. Okay. This is mostly just rambling and it’s been a while since I actually played three houses so I may get some lore wrong but anyways. here’s my transfem dimitri headcanon

So in Dimitri’s C support with Catherine they talk about how when Catherine first met him as a kid she thought he was “an adorable young maiden wielding a giant lance” or whatever and this is when Dimitri’s like. 9 or something. And we see that he’s pretty feminine as a kid! Understandable that people would mistake him for a girl but a lot of people saw this and thought he’s transmasc which is valid but. my point of view is that maybe he liked to look feminine and thought it was fun to be seen as a girl when he was a kid but then everything happened he lost his family he watched a massacre he was useless in stopping a genocide he became a teenager he had every burden resting on his shoulders alone and he just had to. cut it all away. He had to be strong and hide every single “wrong” thought deep inside his head. The child he was could no longer exist.

Later on, on the night of the ball at the academy, he refers to this time as a child the happiest days of his life. Part of that fondness for his childhood was that he felt free from burdens then. Both the burdens of the dead and the burdens of being a prince. The burdens of having to present himself as a perfect, strong, masculine prince.

His hair during the academy arc is also very… choppy. And messy. Dimitri doesn’t care for himself much and doesn’t put much care into his hair. Maybe there’s something more to that that he’s not aware of. Maybe he hates having his hair that short.

Post-timeskip, regardless of if he’s exiled from Faerghus or not, he grows his hair out. Obviously this was due to the developers not wanting to completely change his model and portrait for Crimson Flower despite the fact that there’s no reason for him to look like a sopping wet cat but!!! He also is starting to grow his hair out in Three Hopes! I genuinely think he just prefers it long.

(obviously men can have long hair and different cultures have very different ideas about how hair relates to gender and how different genders should wear their hair. and we do see that both Dimitri’s father and uncle both have medium length hair as well. as well as like. a large portion of the male characters. and you could say that Dimitri’s tendencies towards long hair is more related to him wanting to be a king like his father in some way! but hear me out. it can be both. everyone’s got different experiences with gender)

I’m not gonna get too into like. Fódlan and Faerghus specifically and their gender norms and different expectations for men and women and the fact that the only gnc character in the game is one of the people who has to hide underground in Abyss but um. those factor into everything trust me

Oh another thing. Dimitri always wears armour and gauntlets that cover up everything. The only student who wears armour as part of their school uniform. It’s never brought up why in game and like sure it’s probably due to the issues™️ and there’s likely plenty of scars he doesn’t want others to see but. well. he really doesn’t like seeing himself huh.

There’s also that whole thing with seeing himself as inhuman and a monster. I’m not sure how to connect it but I feel like it. plays a factor in the gender situation.

Okay so like. shit happens yada yada yada and Dimitri’s going through it and let’s fast forward to post-Azure Moon when he really has time to actually. examine himself. when he made the choice to live.

I think that. It would be. A process. But she’d figure it out. I think she would be happy. And so would her friends :)

also I think Felix knew the entire fucking time but didn’t say shit cause. Well there were bigger problems on his mind

[celiastjamesoscar]

It's YOUR birthday, we should be giving you presents. Not the other way around! But I will eat it up anyway.

I adore Sam so much. She's always making sure that Tara and everyone else is safe but deep down she enjoys seeing them be so carefree and just having fun with each other. She truly is such a softie.

Silent conversations and small glances is the typical Sam behavior. Only after proving that you can be trusted she will slowly open up and talk to you. It's all about trust, confidence and safety for her. Being vulnerable is not something that cones easy to her because people can easily exploit that, so despite trusting someone Sam will still hold back a bit until she has sorted out her own feelings first. She's not the type to make the first move but as soon as someone else does, after proving that you can be trusted, she won't let go again.

(Sam would love it even more if R did something else with her lips)

I love that Sam is such a big gay disaster here. Blushing, getting flustered and being shy. She's so adorable my heart can't take it.

SAMS HANDS NEED TO BE IN A MUSEUM BECAUSE HELLO LOOK AT THEM! SO VEINY, LONG AND SOFT.

Sam is a mystery. How can she be a grumpy old man and a cute sweet girl at the same time?? I need answers.

OMG SUBMISSIVE SAM!! YES PLEASE. I truly believe that in a relationship Sam would definitely be submissive a lot of times. Just letting herself be completely vulnerable, getting bossed around and just being a loving and catering girlfriend. All because she wants to make her partner happy.

Okay. Wow. THE CLEXA FEALTY SCENE. AAAAHHH I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU INCLUDED IT. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT WHEN TARA SAID IT. You, my dear, are officially the Gay Queen and I swear fealty to you.

Sam looked so hot when she smoked in Scream. I don't know why but she was SO sexy.

The Clexa scene took me out. But this story was so amazing!! A slightly submissive, shy and soft Sam is incredible. She's just so caring and the most cuddle worthy person ever. I still can't get over how well you manage to capture Sammys character while putting your own twist on it. Your writing is just so captivating!

I don't know what time it is for you but I hope you had a wonderful birthday so far and will continue to have a great day!

I love spoiling you guys with fics and it had been awhile since I last posted one, so I wanted to make up for it on my birthday!!

I completely agree that silence conversations and small glances is all the acknowledgment you would get from Sam for the first few months. Homegirl has deep trauma and refuses to admit that, and she will not let her guard down that easily

I wanted to make a different Sam than the one I normally include in fics, and I kind of liked writing her as a gay disaster??? I’ll probably go back to writing her as a soft asshole just because it’s more fun and adds angst tho

Sam is a mystery that I would love to explore some time 😩

Submissive Sam supremacy!!!!!! She spins around in my head like a microwave everyday and she refuses to leave

I’ve wanted to include a clexa scene in several fics, and I couldn’t wait any longer!!! It was originally going to be in my ‘Exile’ fic with Wednesday as a confession of love, but I feel like it would have been too out of place. Also, Clexa completely ruined my life and I have not been the same since I watched that show

It’s just now 9 pm for me, and I’m getting for bed. I love your reviews so much, and thank you so much for doing what you do!!! I love you! <3

[nightcall99]

Dreams from 19.9.24

Dream 1: There was a gathering happening at my house, a party I think. Just a small group of people. He was there. We sat close together. After awhile my body seemed to inch closer to his and then our bodies were touching, like our sides. It felt so natura land normal but I felt a bit weird about it like should I disconnect our bodies. I should do so for propriety's sake. But I didn’t do anything. I let our bodies continue touching, it felt nice. And then something happened, I dunno how he did it because he hadn't moved and neither had I but within a split second my bra was not on my body anymore. I didn't know where it was but I realised he'd hidden it under the bed, hanging on a hanger. I was a joke I suppose but I didn't find it vey funny. We were in front of company. A girl from work noticed and she did a smile of shock but continued talking to her friend. She saw that on my top half I had only a cardigan. I buttoned it up and tried to hide myself. AL was there. I wanted her to help me, like cause a distraction so I could go get my brad. And she did. Then I left the room and went tried to find somewhere private so I could fix myself. I tried to find a separate room but the entire house was empty and kinda dark and it felt like for some reason there was no privacy. Like I was being watched no mater what. I just fixed myself in the spot not caring if there were cameras or people watching or whatever.

Dream 2: I was at a party in Northcote, some gathering. I was just sitting there and then AL had just arrived. She sat next to me. I don't think I was expecting her to get here like this. I said, I thought you were working? How'd you get here so fast? She said something, I dunno what, kinda dismissing me. She was working in Northcote too, the sister store) and her shift would have finished at 9pm and even if this place was closer by, only a few minutes, how she lock up and get here at like 9:02pm? Well I was very glad she was here anyhow. I wondered who was working tonight that they wouldn’t be able of make this party/meeting. I thought of the male student, JZ. For a second, I wondered if SM would be here. I assumed that the three boys (SM, JZ and JL the usual team) were on tonight.

Dream 3: I went into the group chat there was like 200 messages . I assumed it was because of the session that had just been released.

Dream 4: I forgot. I had a trip planned. I had known about it and forgotten completely. I had had 3 weeks of annual leave arranged in the roster for ages. In fact, I only had a day or two of work left, well in fact it was one more day, today and then I was leaving. This all crept up me on out of nowhere. But really, I should have known because I'd been staring at the blank weeks in the roster against my name and thought nothing of it. I thought I was just going to stay home the whole time but it turns out I had a Europe holiday planned. I was going with an influencer from Instagram. I didn’t know her very well but I liked her, it’s as though we had just met and I knew we got along and the opportunity just presented itself. I think she was the one to remind me that we were going.

I had to pack. I had started packing an age ago, so I guess more proof that I had always known I was going but I had never finished packing. The suitcase was tucked away at the bottom of my closet. I had inside some toiletries and first aid items, and some other stuff and now I just had to pack my clothes. I have to admit I was a little panicked but I knew it would be fine. The flight felt like it was tonight? Like I had one more shift where I would finish at 5pm and then maybe the flight was at 9pm or some time after it. Was that right? I hope so. I wondered if my original shift was 1-9pm which would mean I'd have to seriously rush to get to the airport afterward. I was worried I hadn't swapped my shift yet with someone but I had. Then I thought, well I think it’s actually tomorrow, the flight. I confirmed this with the girl. I also thought I had 2 more days of work left but it was only 1, or even not at all. For a second, I worried about letting MN know that I was going to up and leave with no notice but I realised I had already prepared that and didn’t need to worry. Obviously I had, because the roster reflect this.

I just had to pack. I wondered what shoes to bring. It would be hot. There were these platform sandals but they looked humongous. I realised it's because they'd come from the factory and hadn't been split from their mold yet. I cracked them in half and tried them on. They did fit but then some of the heel crumbled but I seemed to not really care. I didn't have a bathing suit and I knew we should be swimming at beaches and whatnot. There was no time to run to the store and buy one, but I could just buy one while we were in Italy or Paris. The bathing suits, while probably more expensive, would be more stylish. Then I wondered about the girl I was going with. We barely knew each other. I’m a weird person. And as if she knew what I was thinking, she looked at me and smiled and said, You know I realised you’re a quite a crabby person. I said, Well yeah, I am. I’m temperamental, my emotions change suddenly because I’m always in tune, or at the mercy of my emotional environment, it's so tiring. She understood. Well, at least she seemed to accept it. I knew this was a good sign she didn’t dismiss me. I also felt that she was intimidatingly beautiful, why was she hanging out with me? Then I realised I was just as beautiful as her. In the end, I felt that we would be good travel companions. I imagined us taking photos together and sightseeing. But then I thought about cancelling the trip. It felt like a lot of effort, to pack, to get along with this person I hardly knew, not to mention the immediacy of it all. I only thought like this for a few seconds. I had made up my mind that I was going to go. I knew I would have a good time, it would all work out.

[jessicafurseth]

Reading List, Into the Summer double edition.

[Image: Poem by Morgan Harper Nichols, via 90sanxiety]

*

"Any time you are feeling shame over life choices, ask yourself who is benefitting from it (likely not you)." The 9 Essential Lessons My Summers Of Solo Travel Have Taught Me [Glynnis MacNicol, Vogue]

"Dirty, hedonistic, happy and bra-less - it beats journalling after a long day of pilates." Brat girl summer [Zoe Williams, The Guardian]

London's best outdoor spaces, according to National Park City founder Dan Raven-Ellison [Kate Lewis, BBC Travel]

Trekking Across Switzerland, Guided by Locals’ Hand-Drawn Maps [Ben Buckland, The New York Times]

“The completeness of this record is dizzy, stupefying: I’m using 43.87 gigabytes of data. The only way to navigate that vertiginous expanse is through the conduit of the Gmail search function. I type the names of my husband, my best friend, my girl gang out of college, my former roommate, my late uncle; some of these people long lost to me now, but eerily present in that window. Here we are planning road trips. Scheduling brunches. Sharing links." Gmail will break your heart [Links I would Gchat you if we were friends by Caitlin Dewey]

"I wanted to know how to be breezy. To meet someone for a drink but order food because I’d missed lunch. To free myself of this habit of rehearsing conversations in advance only to be disappointed when none of my prepared talking points naturally arose. ... No matter where I was, it seemed I was doomed to always feel as though I were in the window seat on a flight, prodding apologetically, mincing and smiling for the person in the aisle to get up." On getting diagnosed with autism as an adult [Mary HK Choi, The Cut]

"We need to go places and touch things." The people turning away from smartphones [Clea Skopeliti, The Guardian]

Before Smartphones, an Army of Real People Helped You Find Stuff on Google [Amelia Tait, Wired]

This Is What It Looks Like When AI Eats the World [Charlie Warzel, The Atlantic]

When did you last do one thing at a time? In defence of single use objects [Celia Mattison, Dirt]

I Have a Terrible Memory. Am I Better Off That Way? Wild scenes. [Katy Schneider, The Cut]

"But [parenthood] did not unearth new ethical or emotional resources. I am, it is true, far more patient with my daughter than I would be with anyone else exhibiting comparably high levels of incompetence, need, or obstinance. But this tolerance does not extend to anyone else. There is less of it to go around." What if parenthood isn't transformative at all? [Anastasia Berg, The Cut]

"The Lennon Patek captures a measure of time that no other watch ever will—the little they had left together." The Strange Journey of John Lennon’s Stolen Patek Philippe Watch [Jay Fielden, The New Yorker]

Inside the Old Bailey with Britain’s last court reporters | Crime [Sophie Elmhirst, The Guardian]

So long, Longform Podcast [Brady Brickner-Wood, The New York Times]

The Precarious Future of Big Sur’s Highway 1 [Emily Witt, The New Yorker]

“I think to an unusual degree Agnes sort of lives what she thinks and thinks what she lives.” Agnes Callard’s Marriage of the Minds [Rachel Aviv, The New Yorker]

"Change is slow in me. It’s a little like turning a tanker. I find I have to set it in motion and then wait patiently for it to happen, and try not to lose faith in the meantime. Since November, I’ve been intending to go and swim in the local outdoor pool, and on Tuesday I finally managed it. I’ve had my swimming bag packed all that time. I just needed to think through the steps before I could manage it. Even then, it took me all day to get in my car and drive down there, and I don’t think I’d have done it if H hadn’t gone with me. Until the moment I got in the water, swimming in a new place seemed like a multi-stage problem that I couldn’t solve." The Clearing by Katherine May

I’ve Spent a Lot of Time Pretending Not To Know What I Want [Swan Huntley, Autostraddle]

On being brave [Penny Wincer]

My life is boring Extra Honey by Jenny Clark

"I now could see the world in the uncanny, photonegative way that it wasn’t meant to be seen, but that was the truth — a truth I can’t shake even to this day. ... I truly never got over how apparently fragile I am, how unresilient I proved to be. That was one of the worst parts for me, that I knew something about myself now, which was that I was delicate. I had been rocked into a full nervous breakdown. ... All I knew was that, should something go wrong — a car accident, maybe, or a mugging — I would be prone to falling apart." How to live with it [Taffy Brodesser-Akner, The New York Times]

[mentally-in-northern-italy]

Cigarettes — Billy Hargrove x reader

*not my gif*

Summary: Billy's attention is never held by anyone for too long. But a certain cashier at a certain convenience store always seems to render him speechless.

Word Count: 1.5 K

A/N: hi guys!! i'm back!!!?? sort of?? idek. but it's spring break for me so hopefully i'll find some more motivation and put out some hp stuff. idk what this is specifically but my sister was watching stranger things so this was written on a whim at 3 AM. i might do a part 2 if i get some inspo but enjoy this little thing for now!

Billy had been watching you. For quite some time now, too.

He had tried to find solace in the fact that it hadn’t exactly been intentional. No, he told himself, it was purely coincidental.

It was completely coincidental that Billy happened to drive twenty minutes each day to visit the convenience store that you worked at, which just happened to be on the other side of town. It was purely a coincidence that he would roam around the store aimlessly, looking at nothing in particular every time he visited. It was also coincidental that he had memorized your schedule and your break times. And that his eyes never seemed to leave you as you billed people’s groceries through. It was all random. A chance occurrence.

Or, so Billy told himself.

And now, as he stood in line for the cashier that you just happened to be working at -- it was always number 9, but Billy totally hadn’t memorized that -- he could not stop fidgeting. He had run countless hands in his perfectly styled mullet and straightened his jacket more times than he would’ve cared to count.

What the hell is going on? He asked himself as he failed to understand just why he seemed to involuntarily act in such a way around you. Billy liked to think that he knew himself. Rather well, actually.

He knew the way he was perceived. He knew that he drew eyes everywhere he walked and that adults viewed him a nuisance. He knew of his assets -- his undeniable charm and bad-boy appeal -- that almost always worked in his favour with the ladies when he wanted it to. He knew that he could saunter over to any girl in school and ask her out, and he wouldn’t even have to wait for a response because he knew that it would be a ‘yes’. He knew all this, yet with you, any degree of certainty that he may feel about himself went out the window.

Billy avoided thinking about you for too long because he knew that that would only increase his chances of arriving at conclusions that he didn’t want to arrive at. He did not want to think about the fact that his eyes followed you, not only in the convenience stores, but also in the hallways at school. He did not want to think about the amount of thought that he put in everytime he picked a seat in any one of the classes that you shared; that he always picked the seat that would allow him to look at you without you noticing, a seat that would guarantee your not talking to him.

Because, if there was one thing that Billy was absolutely certain of when it came to you, it was the fact that he cared.

He had pursued many girls in his short life, everyone knew that. He had also asked many girls out on dates, albeit if they were seldom romantic or well-planned. The possibility of being rejected had always been there. Hell, he had been rejected a few times, too. But, he had gotten over it in a snap of his fingers, and had moved onto someone else. The truth was, he had never cared -- or thought much about, if he was being honest -- about the possibility of rejection. He was Billy fucking Hargrove. He got what he wanted -- and if he didn’t, he damn well knew how to get it. Rejection, while being present in his dictionary to some extent, didn’t have much hold on him until you.

Though Billy would never admit it to himself, he knew that he would care if you rejected him, if you shot him down. He knew that it would have a much greater effect on him than you, or anyone else, could ever guess. He knew that he liked you too much.

So, to eliminate the daunting chances of potential rejection, he decided he won’t even try. You can’t miss when you don’t shoot, right?

He was jolted out of his thoughts as his turn finally came and he was met with your smiling face.

“‘Morning! How are you today?” You asked in a cheery tone, one that you reserved for customers.

“A pack of Marlboros,” he spoke coolly, avoiding eye contact with you as he dug around for his wallet in his back pocket.

You took the hint as your smile faltered slightly and you turned around to grab the cigarettes that he had asked for. You had grown accustomed to his behaviour by now; you couldn't help but notice the frequency of his visits. In fact, it was only yesterday that he had walked into the store in a similar fashion, walked up and down countless aisles, and asked for a pack of Marlboros in the same distant tone.

Your knowledge on the bad boy that Billy Hargrove was proclaimed to be was admittedly limited. You had never talked to him at school, though you had seen him often enough in the halls chatting up a different girl each week. You shared a few classes together, too, but even in those, an opportunity to approach him never presented itself. And, the chances of you getting to know the mystery that lay underneath his golden curls was even more limited outside of school--unless you were willing to go to Tommy H.’s parties.

You did find it a little amusing, though, and a little peculiar, that Billy always managed to find you on his daily trips to the store. Even weirder, though, was the fact that irregardless of how much time he spent browsing the store, he never bought anything other than his usual pack of cigarettes.

“Out already?” You expressed your curiosity as you rummaged about the carton that held cigarettes and tried to find Marlboros.

“What?” Well, shit. This was not part of the script, Billy cursed himself as he tried to compose the storm within.

“Of cigarettes,” you clarified, “You came yesterday, too. And the day before that. And before that, as well… Every day of the week, actually.”

Billy blinked. And then, he blinked again. Shit. She knows.

“What, is it against company policy to mind your own damn business?” He spits out. He cringed internally a little at how naturally he was able to be a dick to someone posing an innocent question. But then again, he knew himself. He knew that he was a dick.

And the snappy reply he gave you was good, he told himself. The last thing that he wanted was for you to get the wrong idea; to think that he was going soft or that, Heaven forbid, he liked you. He needed to act like an ass. He needed to act like himself… something that had begun to seem like an inordinately difficult task around you.

You were taken aback at his rude retort, you admit, but you quickly regained your composure to bite back. You were not about to let Billy Hargrove snap at you. No way.

You let out a small laugh, “And you must be thoroughly accustomed with our company policy, seeing as you spend every waking moment in here, right?”

Billy cursed at himself as he realized that he had gotten himself into deep shit. Any hopes that he may have held of shimmying his way into your heart through something civil, like kindness, had evaporated. He knew that he could not go soft now, not without risking suspicion. He had to be Billy Hargrove, the bad-boy, the jerk, and the absolute moron. After all, he had a reputation to maintain.

“Can I get my cigarettes now or are you going to keep whining about actually getting business in your little store?” He tried to sound as distant as possible, like he couldn’t care less about what you were saying to him or what you were undoubtedly thinking about him, but he knew that that was far from the truth. He placed his wallet on the counter as he leaned back slightly, trying to sell his nonchalance.

You scoffed quietly as you continued looking for his Marlboros, eager to ring him up as quickly as possible to be rid of the absolute jerk that Billy Hargrove was. “We’re out,” you concluded with smug satisfaction.

“What?” Off-script, yet again. Well fucking done, Hargrove.

“Marlboros. We’re out of Marlboros,” you repeated impatiently. “Anything else?”

Billy assessed his options, which was something he rarely did. Everyone around him knew of his rash temperament: he acted first, thought second. But standing here, in front of you, who regarded him with irritation and an unfriendly scowl, he found himself caring, yet again. He concluded that he could either stride out at this very second, without exchanging another word with you or sparing you a glance, which would leave a permanent unfavourable image of him in your head. Or he could buy something else. Prolong this interaction. Billy really had no idea which option would be better.

He let out a small huff and held your eye for a moment. You raised an eyebrow at him, indicating and reminding him that there were actually other people in the world and the world did not, contrary to popular belief, revolve around him. With as much swagger as he could possibly muster at this moment, he simply shoved his hands in his pockets and stalked out of the door. You rolled your eyes slightly as you turned your attention to the next customer in line, who seemed particularly irritated by the long waiting time.

You plastered your best customer service smile on and apologized before greeting them and ringing them through. It wasn’t until the next customer had paid that you noticed something on the counter.

A black leather wallet, which held about as much bad-boy allure as its owner did. As Billy Hargrove did. And with a sigh, you closed your eyes. You’ll be talking to Billy yet again. And this time, he had an excuse. A legitimate one.

[heyclickadee]

Trying to catch up on these so: Thoughts on “Truth and Consequences,” I guess (I'm sick, and the theraflu kicked in about halfway through writing this, so I'm not sure how much of this makes sense):

1. I am going to crawl into the television like a reverse girl from the ring and throw Palpatine down a maintenance shaft myself.

2. I don’t think that this is the last we’re going to see of Rampart and his trash shenanigans, but watching him get arrested by the coruscant guard while protesting that he was, “Just following orders,” was extremely satisfying. For now.

3. Palpatine was just waiting under the floor for Chuchi to present her evidence against Rampart, wasn’t he? Is this a normal thing? He just…waits for some BS that he orchestrated behind the scenes to come out and then rises up out of the floor like an omen of doom to manipulate the drama to his advantage? None of this is surprising—Palpatine’s always been about the high drama—but seriously. This evil son of a bitch—

4. Omega following Senator Chuchi around the senate building was adorable, but what a way for an at-most thirteen-year-old to find out she’s not legally considered a person. That none of her brothers are, either. Which means, of course, that she never knew that growing up on Kamino, and that the batch didn’t tell her.

5. Which…makes sense. They’re not trying to wrap her in bubble wrap like they were last season. She goes on missions, she’s plenty capable in a fight, and they trust her to be able to find her way in and out of trouble. But Hunter (and the rest of them, really) are trying to give her whatever scraps of childhood they can, and part of that means they do, to one degree or another, try to keep certain bits of information from her if they think that information could hurt her. Not all the time, especially when they absolutely can’t, but they still do from time to time. It’s a little like that moment back in “Ruins of War” when Echo tells Omega to go keep an eye on Romar. I don’t think Echo was that worried about Romar doing something, but he maybe did want Omega out of earshot so he and Tech could have a grown up conversation about what losing all that treasure meant for them without Omega having to hear it. And there might be a bit of self protection in there, too. It’s one thing for the adult batchers to understand that they don’t have representation in the senate and that a lot of the galaxy doesn’t consider them people; it’s always been that way and they’re probably resigned to that being the way things are. Explaining that to Omega, though, means being forced to see how this awful thing that’s just a background part of their lives also applies to her, and would probably force them to see how monstrous that really is.

6. Senator Chuchi’s little guilty look back towards Omega when it turned out this all played out exactly how Palpatine wanted, I’m--

7. I kept thinking the moment where Wrecker got shocked climbing the ladder was going to come back. It…did not.

8. Seeing how well they were able to pull of this heist kind of makes me wonder how much of the batch’s tattered success rate is them missing Crosshair (both emotionally and just not having him around to do his job), how much having to adjust to making sure their collective adopted daughter isn’t in immediate mortal peril at all times, and how much is being in completely unfamiliar territory. It’s got to be a mix of all three.

9. Speaking of success rates…what are they on this season? 0 for 6? 1 for 6 because Tech won the riot race? Does that count? Did Echo and Hunter deliver those nerf nuggets okay? I know they pulled this mission off, but it turns out pulling it off was the worst thing that could have happened, so….

10. Yes, I’m stalling.

11. Halle Burtoni (oh, Star Wars names. I love you) was not a character I expected to see back. I was a little surprised at how blithe she was about the apparent, you know, genocide of her people, but that didn’t come across as entirely sincere.

12. Okay, one sort of detached thing about Echo’s goodbye before I get emotional about it: When he tells Omega to keep up her training while he’s gone, and she replies with a tiny little, “Yes, sir,” that made something I’ve been wondering about clone family structure finally click. We joke a lot about how Hunter’s the dad and how Echo’s the mom, because they do in many ways each fill those roles, and I think that totally works. But there’s also the way in which they batch’s family and maybe clone family structure in general more mirrors military structure than anything else. Like. Okay, on one level, in the batch, they’re all siblings, but all siblings with different roles towards one another; on another level, all the adult batchers (apart from Crosshair, at this point, since he hasn’t had much time with her) are parents of one or more varieties towards Omega. And on another level, you’ve got the actual chain of command structure, where Hunter is the sergeant, Echo’s the corporal, and therefore second in command, but within this group of people “sergeant” no longer and perhaps has never just meant “the person in charge of this little group,” and same with “corporal.” Both of those roles in the context of the clones have a different and more familial connotation that doesn’t directly translate to familial roles we might be more familiar with in our world. Does that make sense? At all? I might be rambling. I think I’m rambling at this point. (But also, yes, they’re also all dads and Echo is also the mom in addition to being a dad.)

13. Yeah okay, the goodbye

14. I didn’t cry the first time. Listen, I’m not that emotionally demonstrative unless I’m really annoyed or intentionally exaggerating to get a point across (which I do a lot), I don’t cry that often, and if I do it’s almost never about something that’s happening in real life. Crying about fiction is a lot safer, more cathartic, and just easier, so I sort of save it up for that. The first time around though, the goodbye didn’t get me. Don’t get me wrong, it hit me like a freight train through the crystal palace, but the episode was a lot, and I was kind of too overwhelmed to really feel my feelings about it. The second time around, though, when I was able to actually take it in and watch the emotions play out on the characters faces and see how gentle and tender the whole thing was? Oh boy, the waterworks. I will be suing for emotional damages. (I won’t be suing for emotional damages, but full credit to everyone on the T BB crew for making that scene what it was.)

15. The writers did something a little bit interesting here by NOT showing us the conversation that Hunter and Echo clearly had about this or the (I think) other conversations that Hunter, Echo, Tech, and Wrecker had about this later on. On the one hand, I would have liked to have seen these conversations, because I think they were probably quite a bit more emotionally heavy than the upbeat goodbyes we got from the boys. This seems to have been something Hunter and Echo have been planning for a long time, since probably the apparently life-changing nerf-nugget run at least. Not that Echo would definitely leave on this specific mission of course, but that Hunter and Echo agreed the next time there was an opportunity for Echo to go with Rex, he would, if he felt it was the right time.

Everything about the scene tells us that those conversations happened. Not showing us those conversations, however, put us into Omega’s shoes for that moment. We know these men talk when they know (or think—see episode one) Omega’s not listening. They didn’t tell her this was a possibility, for a whole bunch of reasons including keeping Omega from trying to convince Echo to stay to not wanting to hurt her and so on, and they didn’t have time to tell her it was going to happen right then until it was happening, because Echo probably didn’t decide that then was the right time until they were waiting for Omega to come back from the senate building. And the effect of not showing us those conversations or telling Omega this could happen is for Omega (and by extension, us) have the rug pulled out from under her. It puts us in her shoes. So even though we the audience have been expecting this for a while now, it feels like a surprise, it still hits, and hits hard.

16. I was so glad Echo left on good terms. This is so much better than the batch breaking up because of a fight. I love that he and Hunter are kind of on the same page, but on different paths, and how clear it was that Echo didn’t really want to leave. That moment when Rex tells him that, “Good help is hard to come by these days,” and Echo just collapses in on himself? He doesn’t want to go. The batch is his family, they’re his brothers, just as much as Rex is, Omega’s his daughter as much as she’s Hunter’s, and this is a group of people that took him in and helped him recover after the hardest period of his life. He loves them, and he doesn’t want to go. But he feels like he has to. He’s too good, he cares too deeply, and he’s been through too much not too. And Hunter, Tech, and Wrecker understand that. They’re not going to hold it against him; they support what he’s choosing to do, even though they can’t follow him into it right now, so they make sure he knows he still has a place with them, and always will.

17. Dear character animator/animators who animated the range of expressions on Echo’s face as he was trying to explain to Omega why he had to go, including and especially those couple of moments when he was obviously trying not to cry? You have my whole heart. Also, I’m in pain.

18. Dear storyboard/layout artists who decided that this goodbye scene needed to parallel Omega’s last goodbye to Crosshair on that Kaminoan platform…you also have my whole heart, but. Ow.

19. While I do understand why the batch didn’t tell Omega, I also feel like that’s something that’s going to bite them in the butt. I mean, in a “Omega internalizes what she sees as her family breaking apart as something that’s her fault and does something reckless to try to make up for it” kind of way. They're trying, but they have a lot to learn about raising kids.

20. I would like to see the apparently life changing nerf-nugget field trip, please.

21. What did Hunter tell Echo?? Is it just the, “If you ever feel like you don’t fit in with them, come find us,” thing? What waaas iiiittttt I need to knooooooowwwww

22. I did like that this was sort of underscored as a temporary goodbye. Between Echo telling Omega that he’d be back and Hunter telling Rex to call them if he ever needed anything, this is temporary. But it’s still heartbreaking, because these characters mean a lot to each other and we don’t know how long they’ll be separated.

23. Sidebar, kind of, but how much do you want to bet that the boys all agreed to keep those final goodbyes light so they wouldn’t upset Omega? And how much do you want to bet that they all agreed that backfired spectacularly afterwards?

24. Omega hugging Lula in that final shot looking so small and scared I can’t 🥺😭😭 someone help her she is not okay

25: Complete sidebar, but you know that moment when Echo took control of the venator cruiser and its guns and engines single handedly? And that other moment where he stood up and said he'd be Senator Chuchi's witness even though it would put him in incredible danger? He's so good (your hand in marriage, sir!)

26. Echo, please come back soon!!

[freefromthecocoon]

Hope Is A Good Thing--Caryl Edition

Well, I think I have finally put my thoughts together about Caryl. 

Carol and Daryl throughout this episode were in complete sync. I think this is one reason we are all so upset they are separated for now. They really do need each other. But they can function without the other person there….just not as well as when they are together. 

Carol and Daryl can calm each other with just a touch as has been demonstrated several times throughout their arc over 11 seasons and also in these final eight episodes with emphasis on Carol being able to calm Daryl with just a touch. 

This was first evidenced in the hospital when he woke up on the gurney to the tears of Luke’s family as he succumbed to his traumas. Carol could sense Daryl’s worry about Judith’s well-being as she helped start a blood transfusion from Daryl to Judith in an amazing callback to the farm in season 2 with Rick and Carl. 

After Tomi performed surgery on Judith, we watched Caryl keep a vigil over their beloved Judith. This was a girl they got to save together. The looks that Daryl and Carol share before Judith awakes speaks volumes about the bonds that Caryl have forged over all these years. The moment Judith wakes and sees them both there, it was lovely to see Carol and Daryl smile down at the little girl who they both have repeatedly worked to protect throughout her young life. 

The time jump was frustrating as I would have liked to had that time with them. Alas, that was not presented to us, so that’s where all my Caryl moots who are excellent fic writers can come in. 

After Maggie’s discussion with Caryl about looking in other territories for what I assume are other communities, we get to the most beautiful scene in the finale.  Our soulmates sitting by a body of water together. And unlike in Find Me, they are not separated by the water, but on the same side. I like that symbolism. I was also reminded of the Season 9 premiere as they sit on the loading dock of the Sanctuary. These two have such an ease with each other at times and can say the most appropriate things and other times I want to bang my head against the wall and yell at them. I think this may be one reason we all relate to them so well. We see ourselves in Daryl and Carol. 

Earlier in the season, Norman said that Caryl had some heartbreaking scenes coming up and Lord I hate that he was right. But Norman and Melissa acted their asses off, but I suspect a lot of those emotions we saw between them were very real for not only Daryl and Carol, but for Norman and Melissa as well.

I alluded to this in my overall review of the entire episode, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say something here. Bear McCreary and Sam Ewing pulled emotional beats with the score that I don’t think would have been possible otherwise.  The scoring over this farewell scene with Caryl was perfection, it pulled at the heartstrings with crescendos when necessary and an appropriate hush of the music when Daryl said those three words. 

I pray that at some point if there were extensions to these scenes that were cut for time, we get the full scenes added back in for a 4K release. Especially that hand holding scene as they walked to Daryl’s bike. 

Daryl saying goodbye to the kids and asking Judith to watch over Carol, warmed my cold, dead heart. Then observant little Judith went and did it and told her Uncle Daryl that he deserved a happy ending as well.  Judith knows, just like Henry knew as he saw them interacting in Season 9 that these two are more than just really good friends

I said in another post, I had very low expectations going into this episode. I didn’t know how they would handle the departure of Daryl without Carol.  If you had told me that Daryl Dixon would tell Carol that he loved her, I would have called you delusional. No way would that gift be given to us. But guess what? IT FUCKING WAS!!!! DARYL LOVES CAROL AND SHE LOVES HIM BACK!!!! 

I know people have differing opinions on what canon means to them, but I am totally claiming canon on this scene alone. Words mean things folks, especially coming from Daryl Dixon. When I tell you I gasped and almost passed out, I am not lying. I have watched this scene a million times and it gets better every time I watch it. I think Carol’s reaction was meant to mirror ours as none of us was expecting that to be said.

It was hard to watch him get on that bike and leave her standing there. But she and he are brave souls. I believe in my bones they will meet again one day.  I go to my standard hope quote here: “Hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies.” 

I hope my words have helped you somehow.  I am here for you if you need to talk. But know this, I am very hopeful about Carol and Daryl’s future. 

[qqueenofhades]

20+ Books That You (Might Actually Want) To Read During Pride Month!

Right, so. I got annoyed after seeing the list referenced in this post last night, told myself that my books are all packed up so I couldn’t do anything about it, and lasted all of a whopping 10 minutes before picking up my phone and attempting to make my own list instead. Behold, my from-memory attempt to present 20 books with strong LGBTQ plots, characters, and/or authors, that DON’T just rely on Suffering and Identity Politics and are... you know... fun.

Listed in alphabetical order by title. Links take you to Bookshop.org, where you can buy them from your local independent bookstore at a discount and NOT from the evil empire.

1. A Master of Djinn – P. Djeli Clark * author of color * steampunk Cairo in 1912 * djinn! magic! murder mystery! * butch Arab lesbian main character * devout hijabi Muslim badass assistant * anticolonial alternate history

2. An Accident of Stars – Foz Meadows (Sequel: A Tyranny of Queens) * trans author * bi, pan, trans, aro representation * racially diverse characters * all female POV characters * high-fantasy world adventures

3. Boyfriend Material – Alexis Hall * queer author * look I love this book SO MUCH and have absolutely screamed about it before but also I LOVE IT SO MUCH * contemporary M/M fake dating in modern London, complete with full cast of disaster found-family queer friends * it is. fucking. HILARIOUS. I almost died the first time reading it * there is a sequel called HUSBAND MATERIAL scheduled to be released in 2022; I am a normal amount of excited for this book

4. Gideon the Ninth – Tamsyn Muir (Sequel: Harrow the Ninth) * the book cover says “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted palace in space!” * that is exactly what you get * slow-burn enemies-to-lovers F/F main romance * I cannot describe this book, it is dark, genre-bendy, science fiction-y, Hunger-Games-with-lesbian-necromancers-in space? Kinda? I have literally never read anything like it * also fucking HILARIOUS

5. One Last Stop – Casey McQuiston * queer author (who wrote Red White and Royal Blue) * bisexual fat girl from the South/lesbian-daughter-of-Chinese immigrants from the 1970s-riot-grrl main romance * time traveling mystery involving the Q train in Brooklyn (mentions Brighton Beach ahem) * magical realism * many more found-family chaotic queers including a trans Latino psychic and a Black accountant by day/drag queen by night and the mean little gay disaster who has a hopeless crush on them

6. Parasol Protectorate (series) – Gail Carriger * this is one of my favorite series, and there are five books: Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless * steampunk vampires/werewolves late Victorian London, like Jane Austen crossed with P.G. Wodehouse (they are all fucking hilarious) * pretty much everyone is queer; we got your flamboyantly camp gay vampires (Lord Akeldama ftw!) We got your gay werewolves! We got your lesbian French inventors! We got your big disaster idiot werewolf main male love interest! We got your crazy adventures! You name it we got it! * two spin-off novellas: Romancing the Werewolf (M/M) and Romancing the Inventor (F/F) * she has a ton more books in this same universe and writes sexy queer supernatural romance as G.L. Carriger

7. Plain Bad Heroines – Emily M. Danforth * queer author * historical horror-comedy set between a haunted girls’ school in early-1900s New England and in the modern day * all sapphic female main characters * plays with style/form/voice, a story within a story within a story

8. Red White and Royal Blue – Casey McQuiston * you’ve probably heard of it but here I am reccing it again * the biracial son of the first female POTUS falls in love with the Prince of England; shenanigans absolutely ensue * yes, the British monarchy still absolutely sucks a big fat dick * hilarious, heartfelt, reads like fanfic, just go get it, it will change your life

9. Rosaline Palmer Takes The Cake – Alexis Hall * same author as Boyfriend Material, this is his newest * bisexual female protagonist * absolutely perfect satire of The Great British Bake Off (you can tell this man has watched EVERY SINGLE SERIES and all of the holiday specials) * sweet and surprisingly thoughtful

10. Starless – Jacqueline Carey * genderqueer/transmasculine main character of color * almost all main characters are brown people! * lush Middle Eastern/India-inspired fantasy world * gods, prophecies, monsters * the best Oh God Why Me I Am A Horrible Mentor wise-old-mentor

11. The Future of Another Timeline – Annalee Newitz * nonbinary (they/them) author * time travel but make it The Handmaid’s Tale * will probably make your head explode * feminist, queer, subversive * diverse characters

12. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue – Mackenzi Lee * queer author * technically YA but historical/magical adventure set in the 1700s * bisexual disaster main protagonist and love interest of color * (mis)adventures across Europe * has a sequel (see below) with the badass asexual sister of the protagonist

13. The Hate Project – Kris Ripper * nonbinary/genderqueer author * M/M enemies to lovers/sex with no strings attached (spoiler alert: strings attached) * HECKING HILARIOUS * sweet, escapist, and very low stakes * diverse characters, including fat protagonist with realistic anxiety disorder

14. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy – Mackenzi Lee * PIRATES, obviously * sequel to Gentleman’s Guide * asexual female protagonist * strong queerplatonic f/f friendship * more historical/magical 18th century adventures

15. The Last Rune (series) – Mark Anthony * Imma be real with you chief, I haven’t read this series since I was a clueless teenager with no idea why I liked Gay Stuff so much, so if it does turn out to suck now, don’t throw rotten veggies at me * but especially since it was written in the NINETIES, this series was hella progressive?! * gay characters, disabled characters, characters of color, all playing significant and heroic roles in six-book epic fantasy cycle * people from Earth end up in high-fantasy world of Eldh * endgame M/M romance for the main character * books out of print, I think, but you can find them cheap somewhere like AbeBooks; first one (Beyond the Pale) linked above

16. The Library of the Unwritten – A.J. Hackwith * queer author * heaven-hell-Valhalla supernatural adventures * The Good Place x Good Omens x Lucifer x The Librarians * Pansexual Black badass female heroine * Queer found families * The Sassiest TM Bisexual Villain Turned Reluctant Hero (is he my favorite? Why on earth would you think that.)

17. The Priory of the Orange Tree – Samantha Shannon * epic doorstopper science fiction/historical fantasy set in a vaguely 16th-century world * main F/F romance between a queen and her sorceress bodyguard * sassy old gay alchemist whose backstory will give you Feelings * so many strong women and characters of color * no homophobia! marriage is fully gender-neutral, spouses are called “companions”

18. The Song of Achilles – Madeline Miller * likewise one you have probably heard of but still * a little light on the myth/historical part imho, but the writing is beautiful and will give you many feelings * M/M romance between Achilles and Patroclus  * reimagining of The Iliad (her other book Circe is also really good)

19 The Stars are Legion – Kameron Hurley * all-female apocalyptic space opera * messy messy antiheroines * grimdark war fantasy * queer sci-fi drama

20. Witchmark – C.L. Polk * author of color * M/M romance * main character is a veteran and a doctor dealing with his own hidden magic and repressed war trauma * gaslamp fantasy set in a world reminiscent of post-WWI England * strong sibling relationship

[justathoughtfulangel]

What Could Have Been ~ Kai Parker One Shot

*not my gif

This piece was meant to be posted on June 26th, but I realized June 20th is the anniversary of the date I started writing for Malachai Parker! I figured it was worth a mini celebration :)

Word Count: 1,577

Description: They'd known each other their whole lives and were always meant to be. Unfortunately, not everything which is meant to gets to be. Some things are just left as what could have been.

This IS a reader insert fic; I just don’t like writing with Y/N in the place of names. Use Rosalie/Rosie/Rose as a placeholder for Y/N :)

Requested: No

Note: The structure of this piece will be a bit different. I'll be writing snapshots of Kai and the Reader character's (Rosalie's) life.

'~' denotes a switch between Kai and the Reader's POV and '~~~' denotes a change in scene. Kai's portion of the story will be written chronologically while the Reader's side of the story will be presented in reverse chronological order. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it :)

A 5-year-old Kai hoisted his blue Mickey Mouse backpack over his shoulder and waved goodbye to his mom. Hand-in-hand with his twin sister, he skipped into the classroom, excited for his first day of kindergarten. He was a little anxious when Josette was sent into a different classroom. His lower lip had just begun to quiver when a little girl came up to him, holding out her box of crayons. “Hi! My name’s Rosie. Do you want to color with me?”

~

A 40-year-old Rosalie stood with shaking legs as Kai’s spell ended. The Coven gathered around him, chanting the same spell that cast him into the prison world. He was almost amused, and she was heartbroken. Long gone was the happy, young boy she’d met. They had turned Kai into this, and they’d brought this misery upon themselves. She felt her consciousness escape her, and the last of her life floated from her…

~~~

A 9-year-old Kai fell to the ground as his cousin shoved him. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t have magic, but everyone in the Coven treated him like he was vermin. Even his parents called him an abomination. The only person he liked playing with was Rosie. Her family was in the Coven, too, and they were the only ones who treated him with love. He wanted to go live with them. Rosie stomped over, pushing his cousin to the ground right back. “Don’t treat Kai that way!”

~

A 40-year-old Rosalie took the chart from the charge nurse, thanking her absentmindedly as she reviewed the symptoms. 22-year-old­ John Doe – complains of nausea, vomiting, and insomnia. CT scans clear. Knocking on the door, Rose stepped in. She couldn’t even bring herself to greet him. “Rosalie?” It was him. He looked just as he had the last time she saw him. “Malachai…” There were questions spinning through her mind at a mile a minute. For now, all she could focus on was the relief of knowing that he was here.

~~~

A 14-year-old Kai held a single flower behind his back. It was one he plucked from the hidden cove where he’d escape with Rose. He saw her walking toward him, dressed in ripped jeans and an old t-shirt with her hair in a carefree ponytail. He’d seen her at Coven dinners and jogging at the gym; Kai’s young heart fluttered all the same. Rosalie stood in front of him, leaning in for a quick kiss on his cheek. Before her lips brushed against his cheek, Kai turned his head and stole her first kiss.

~

A 40-year-old Rosalie shrugged her white coat off, folding it up neatly before placing it in her closet. She’d spent most of her life studying, and now she was teaching. She was surrounded by people during the day but completely alone at night – alone with her thoughts. There was always a thought that showed up without warning, like a plague she couldn’t escape. She thought of Malachai every day without fail. Rosalie had no idea that, many miles away, Kai had returned.

~~~

A 19-year-old Kai snuggled his girl as she slept, watching the sunrise from her bedroom window. Her parents were out of town, and they’d just spent their first night together. A strand of her hair was covering her beautiful face; he gingerly brushed it aside. As he did, Rosalie opened her beautiful eyes. The smile on her face was gentle and content. “I love you, Malachai.” He’d heard the name said so many times in so many tones. Hearing it from her was special, unmatched by any other. “I love you, too, Rosalie.”

~

A 30-year-old Rosalie glanced around her childhood bedroom. She was moving away forever. She couldn’t bring herself to come back, even to visit. Kai’s memory was around every corner, and it was too painful to remember him. She had faith he wasn’t dead, but what difference did it make? He was trapped in a prison for all of eternity, and she’d never be able to see him again. He’d never know how much she loved him.

~~~

A 22-year-old Malachai screamed as he fell to the ground. He had snapped, killing his siblings without a thought or care in the world. The Coven chanted around him, and the sky seemed to open up, sucking him upwards and to his death. At that moment, Kai felt many things: despair, anger, grief… most of all, he felt pain. He’d never see her again, and it was a punishment he’d brought upon himself.

~

A 22-year-old Rosalie ran to the site of the merge. She felt a deep sense of dread and anxiety. Something was going to go very, very wrong. She ran as fast as she could, but it was too late. Rose got to see one final glimpse of Kai before he vanished in a cold, harsh flash of light. The scream she let out rivaled the one he had released. She would never see him again, and it was a punishment she could never have imagined.

~~~

A frozen Kai lay in Rosalie’s bed. He couldn’t bring himself to leave the town, not when he could still somewhat feel her here. Kai had a few years to ponder what he had done, and he couldn’t truly regret it. Of course, if he had Rose, he would have learned to repent. But he didn’t. Kai wasn’t always a monster, but they had turned him into one. Now, nothing could stop him from finding his way out and killing them all – taking the Coven Leadership that was his birthright.

~

A 19-year-old Rosalie felt a loving hand brush away a strand of her hair, waking her up. There were just a few rays of sunshine in her bedroom, warming her just as the memories of their first time did. “I love you, Malachai.” She truly did. Every bone in her body felt love unimaginable for this erratic, crazy, beautiful boy. “I love you, too, Rosalie.” Taking a deep breath, she nuzzled into the crook of his neck, feeling his heartbeat chime in sync with hers.

~~~

A 22-year-old Kai exhaled as he felt his feet on the ground. He was back. After eighteen years of exile, he had returned to the real world. Malachai was changed now. He was hardened, unable to feel anything. Despite his sociopathic tendencies, his mind flashed to Rosalie. She was much older now. He was certain that for her, he’d been reduced to a childhood memory. Nothing or no one could heal him. Kai had one goal, and he would succeed no matter the cost. 

~

A 14-year-old Rosalie dashed out the door, eager to meet Kai. They were going to head to the hidden cove where Kai could find some reprieve from his tough family life. She saw him waiting down the street, dressed in his grey sweatpants and a ratty black sweatshirt. She couldn’t help but smile, her young heart fluttering at her little crush. She stood in front of him, then, leaning in for a quick kiss on his cheek. Before she could, she found Kai’s lips against hers.

~~~

A 22-year-old Malachai waited for the doctor. He had been severely ill, and now, if he went down, the Coven would go down with him. It was strange. They’d destroyed any goodness left in him, but when he absorbed Luke’s personality, he wanted to try again. The doctor walked in, and his heart leaped, somehow simultaneously shattering into a million pieces. “Rosalie?” She was eighteen years older now, but he could never forget those eyes. Kai had remembered them no matter how the days blurred into each other, and with her here now, he didn’t know how to feel.

~

A 9-year-old Rosalie rushed out of the classroom, looking for her best friend. She always got very upset when people hurt Kai. Not having magic didn’t make him any less of a person. Her mommy and daddy made sure Kai felt accepted, too. Rosie glanced around the playground, seeing Kai’s bully of a cousin shove him to the ground. She rushed over, standing in front of her hurt friend, and pushed him away. “Don’t treat Kai that way!”

~~~

A 22-year-old Malachai took great pleasure in crashing his twin sister’s wedding. Tonight marked the end of the Gemini Coven – and the last night of Kai Parker’s life. He had a vial of Lily Salvatore’s blood tucked into his suit jacket, but he didn’t drink it. This would be his revenge, and then there would be nothing to live for. His last selfish act would be taking Rosalie with him in death. As the glass shard plunged into his neck, Kai’s gaze fell on Rose. She fell to the ground, her life leaving her. They were always meant to be, but now they would always be what could have been….

~

A 5-year-old Rosalie chose a Scooby-Do coloring page. She shuffled the crayons around, searching for the purple. It would’ve been so silly to give Scooby purple fur! Before she could start, a little boy sat beside her. He looked sad, and she wanted to help. Scooting over to the seat beside him, Rosalie held out the crayons to him and put the coloring book in front of him. “Hi! My name’s Rosie. Do you want to color with me?” The little boy sniffled, and his green eyes met hers – now twinkling with excitement.

~~~

Thank you very much for reading my new Kai Parker One-Shot! I hope the structure wasn't too difficult to follow. Through this piece, I wanted to give myself a structural writing challenge and also hoped to illustrate how darkness is never born, it is created.

Please feel free to send any thoughts/comments/constructive criticisms my way. I always welcome them :) If you'd like to be tagged in my future Kai Parker works, leave a comment here or shoot me a message!

If you enjoyed this piece, feel free to check out my other works from my Malachai Parker Masterlist <3 It's pinned to the top of my profile.

Until next time, JustAThoughtfulAngel :)

Taglist: @socio-kai-path1972, @bluelicious, @genevivetaylor, @prettybitchfatwitch