#bitch where the fuck

[heartfullyferal]

At what age did Lizzy find out Katehrine Pierce was her mother? How did that affect her view of herself and the world around her? How did that view change again later when she found out she'd been spoon fed lies about her mother her whole life?

My human flaw is that I fucking don't trust my own memory of events I literally paced out step by fucking step.

I think Lizzy had turned seventeen that January, and Klaus found the paperwork with her in M a r c h. She and Jeremy had not yet done The Fuck I remember checking that recently, apparently they knew everything about her and still went AHEAD.

I could be wrong but I'm holding onto that one, that's what feels r i g h t to me.

By the time Lizzy saw the names on the document, this girl was DEEP in this story about how Katherine was such an evil force, and Damon was this toxic hateful being that shouldn't be allowed near women and children: She literally grew up with Klaus Mikaelson and was still more concerned by these stories of Katherine and Damon because they highlighted these terrifying truths about everything they'd done w r o n g.

Two people who can do nothing BUT wrong and create horrors and mistakes: and their child stood in the middle.

Lizzy didn't come out of her room for three days. It's like hating her body but w o r s e. Her body, her thoughts, her voice, the air she breathes- she wanted to get out of her skin and she was trapped in a body created by the t w o people MOST rejected in her entire tiny w o r l d.

It doesn't matter how much you tell her she's not responsible for the sins of her parents. You associate Damon's eyes with violence, and Katherine's hair with manipulation, you're suffocating their child.

There is nothing worse than criticizing their parent in front of them. It is the e n d of the world, they can't handle that until they're older. You h a v e to be gentle.

It's still not entirely gone, you know.

She can lay in bed all day and feel sick to her head remembering how hard Stefan can fall out with people. How much Elena can stand on her self righteous soapbox and renounce people on the spot.

And how fast Jeremy can criticize someone without thinking about who he's saying it to.

And girls just l e t her go through that. Hardly anybody considered for a single second that maybe the ONLY person who could benefit from hearing some of the good about her own mother and how she was once capable of bring people happiness, was Elizabeth herself. Damon might have been the ONLY ONE to tell Lizzy it would be w o r t h getting Katherine out of that tomb for her l o v e because she would make the world o k a y again.

Elijah probably didn't want to get a little girl's hopes up in case her mama had to run again.

Less selfish. More compassionate! Like Stefan.

After a few months of torment and self judgement, confusion loathing- Katherine dropped in to really do what was at the time an urgent rescue operation to save a girl from a clock tower swan dive. We don't like to admit it here, but Lizzy has touched on that thought more than t w i c e.

Camille really should check in.

I guess subconsciously, Lizzy knew the views of her mother would be biased to the people who felt wronged by her? And in essence she could understand that it came from the intention to protect her from heartache or disappointment. Stefan, she gets what you were trying to do. And you weren't taught how to do it. You were doing what you thought was right in the moment, with her best interests at heart.

Or maybe you couldn't stand the thought of Katherine having this one nice thing because you had hold of her f i r s t.

But when Katherine sits you down and tells you she's clinging into survival and hating every step of it, you've lost all leverage in that emotional war.

Going against her mother will never be fair.

It will never make any sense.

This woman who loves her daughter more than words and murder could ever express, could never be as evil as all t h a t. Not when she tells you that she gave you up to protect you against every will in her not to.

These days it's hard? Everyone talks about Katherine the same way, as if Lizzy doesn't know the other side of the story now. The people she saw as holy have since fallen from grace Elena, and she's starting to slowly become accustomed to the idea that maybe evil in the eyes of the virtuous isn't so bad after all.

At least it keeps you a l i v e.

[plushiebi]

silliness and sincerity are not opposites btw. they are married. bisexually

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[mamawasatesttube]

the whole "jason rules crime alley and none of the other bats are allowed there!!1!" thing is so funny like. tim LITERALLY lives in the theater where bruce's parents died,

[bloomin-daydream]

my crazy uglyass horrid fucking boyfriend

meow mrow meow mrrr

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 266

Back on my Danny & Ras frienemies/rivals/maybe-lovers-nobody-can-tell-their-signals-are-very-mixed train. 

See, Danny has gone through time a lot. Often. It comes with being Clockwork’s charge-son-thing and honestly he finds it fun. And several times he’s used this time travelling to get some training in. Enter Ras, stage left, also a teen at the time and also learning swordsmanship from the same person. 

And they… utterly despise each other. They would kill the other for an apple slice, if the other one would die! But also, only they can kill the other, as it is obviously their right! 

And well, they keep running into each other. It has been a hundred years, surely the other would die by now? But of course their rival would live through utter spite. Probably to spite them specifically. 

The amount of times they have ended up sparring- trying to kill each other or not- the moment they see the other is actually ridiculous. But time is also passing. And… Danny understands, not having another to talk about things people are forgetting, or have already forgotten. 

How they ended up actually talking without a murder attempt was a long story that included a demon, a dragon, a pair of fae, some bandits, and a lot of alcohol, but it happened. And then it happens again. And again, and now it’s just kind of normal to share a drink after their spars, talking about things that no longer exist, and things they miss. 

Sure Danny can go back in time again, but he knows better than to do it willy nilly. He’s matured, he’s been an adult for a hundred years now, he knows there’s consequences for messing with time, even with Clockwork’s blessings. 

The first time they got married was technically for an undercover assassination. Well, Ras was there to assassinate someone, Danny was there to grab an artifact that should Not be in the realm of the living. And they got divorced after, it was fine. 

They just, also got married again when they met a few years later, for another job. And… okay, so maybe they have gotten married over a dozen times now and only divorced like half of those times. Half of those were for the bit or while drunk! 

And even if technically they’re married or shared a bed, it’s not like they're exclusive! As Ras’ daughters’ existences attest to (adopted in one case or not). They don’t exactly have a label for their relationship, despite others asking for one or trying to put a name to it themselves. 

Now Danny knows Ras isn’t exactly a good dude, or at least on the side of ‘good’ as he’s a literal assassin. But he also knows that good? Bad? Rather relative. He had gotten labeled as a villain when he was just trying to help all that time ago after all, and really who was he to tell someone else how to live their life? 

Which brings him to now, where he’s run into his old frienemy-rival and his youngest daughter. Who has a braindead teenager and a small toddler. Which is fine, really- but also, Talia dear, why are you using a brain dead teenager to guard your three year old son? 

…

Okay, Talia dear, Ras (Derogatory), why are you using your brain dead son and grandson to guard your younger son and grandson? Do you not have the Pits, which you were soo proud about Ras? Yes, he will spar with you, but for Realms’ sake, heal, what’s his name? Ah yes, go heal Jason and he’ll actually stick around for a few years, deal? Good. 

[aroacespacerock]

“we need more characters with feminine rage!!” Yall can’t even handle Chappell Roan.

[bogdreamz]

korvo lost and farting 0 stars for you my boy

[loser-jpg]

FUCK EVERYONE WHO SAID ANGEL WAS GONNA BE THE ONE TO DIE HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH THAT SILLY SPIDER BOYS GONNA LIVE FOREVER AND HES GONNA HAVE THE MOST SICKENINGLY SWEET SLOW BURN LOVE STORY WITH THAT STUPID GAMBLING CAT

[laniidae-passerine]

positively obsessed with how Rockstar Lestat is the exact kind of guy one of my friends would show me a picture of and swear he’s really sexy and cool and brilliant. Whole time I’m thinking “oh dear GOD” staring at a trainwreck weirdo and wondering what’s happened to everybody else that is absolutely missing me. jesus christ he’s blond

[ghost-proofbaby]

can y'all please come into my humble abode and imagine something with me i don't yet have the wits to write a full fledged fic out of (yet)?

so, everyone knows how when you get a tattoo, part of the healing process is the itchy phase, right? and for obvious reasons, you can't scratch it. favored method, in my experience and fellow tatted friends, is to just give it a good old slap.

perfect. so now, with this in mind, can you imagine having gotten a large hip/ass piece, and how mortifying it would be to smack your own ass to soothe that itch? and it's just plain painful. you want your new ink to heal properly - it's gorgeous and you put a lot of time, pain, and money into that damn thing - but it just sucks.

enter best friend eddie.

he loves your new ink. thinks it's fucking sick. nearly creamed his damn pants when he found out you were doing a hip/ass tatt (because how can he ask to see it without being weird? how can he react to that without being weird when he's spent the last several years with the world's most pathetic crush on you?) at first, it's fine. you show him the tattoo in a totally friendly, totally platonic way. he hypes you up, he calls you 'the most metal person he knows'. flourishes you with all the compliments and looks at you with starry eyes out of sheer awe at the way he's managed to snag a person into his life who is just so. damn. cool.

but the days pass by, that new ink begins to heal, and it fucking itches.

when you first proposition him, you're even more embarrassed than he is. stumbling over all your words, the request coming out contorted every wrong way. you don't want to make things weird, but is it really that weird for a friend to help a friend? it is really that weird to ask your best friend to smack your tattoo to help with that itch you can't even really properly reach?

it's just friends helping friends.

and that's the mantra you both repeat to yourselves - as you request the embarrassing favor of him, as he agrees almost too eagerly, as you find yourself face-planted in your bed wondering how deeply you can bury down your shame as he tries to make jokes to make it all a bit less awkward.

it's just friends helping friends, until eddie's hand lands down on your ass with a resounding smack, and that first little whimper escapes your lips.

[the-goddess-of-gays]

*at some random café after an OG trio quest* Percy: ...so after that, we had to climb over the bob wire, right? And then– Annabeth: Hold up. Did you just say 'bob wire'? Percy: Yeah, that spiky shit, y'know? Bob wire! Grover: Bob? As in, short for Robert? Robert wire? Annabeth: Robert wi– You actually think it's called Robert wire?? Percy: Well, what do you call it? Grover: It's BARB wire! Like, Barbara wire, not BOB wire! Percy: What? Since when? WHY? Annabeth: Oh my gods. You guys. It's called BARBED wire. Because it has BARBS. BARBED wire. Grover: Oh. Annabeth: Fucking Robert and Barbara wire. Fuck this. I need another coffee.

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

the struggles of having gay thoughts about an asshole that tries to bring 5000 years of darkness

[ ref. ]

[artcinemas]

Vishnu, after knowing someone's got a very funny boon: READ YOUR CONTRACT FOLKS AND DON’T GET SCAMMED BUT IF YOU’RE A DEMON BE SURE AS HELL BITCH I’M GONNA LOOPHOLE THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

[ash-and-starlight]

vampires have one (1) flirting mode

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 170

Once again on my Ras & Danny being training rivals thanks to time travel bullshit. 

Look, Danny knows about the league of Assassins, but he almost dies of laughter when he realizes it’s the modern name of the league of Shadows. He’s an adult now, has been for a while, he’s allowed to find the situation he’s found himself in amusing. Hell, his sparring buddy who is somehow still alive is laughing too. 

And no one else knows what’s going on, okay? This random man walked into their secret base, completely ignored the many assassins trying to stop him, and called their illustrious leader a “Little Bitch Man” and they are now fighting?

The fighting is familiar, but why the fuck is Ras cackling and saying things like “Ayreh Feek” back. Practically saying “Fuck you,” while laughing and oh Pit, they’re Bantering this is terrifying, why has Ras not won yet, why has this man not died yet and- bodies aren’t supposed to bend like that what the fuck- 

Ras on the other hand, has One friend, who is immortal like him, actually remembers the shit he complains about, is also down for saving endangered animals, and actually knows how to spar! It’s not a proper spar unless someone loses at least a hand that has to be reattached! And honestly, people nowadays should know that the proper greeting to an old friend is to instantly try to kill the other.