#bippity boppity bullshit

[merryspark]

OMG hilarious! x'D thank you for this awesome moment! XD

Isaac you are the dumbest smart guy ever.

That being said I would have happily watched a whole season of TFA devoted to Sari finding out she was created form Megatron’s base code as well as Isaac Sumdac’s DNA and gaining an alternate decepticon mode.

[aydien677]

Princess Lucifer #2

First part: Here

Mc just sitting in the room with the brothers: “Lucifer’s a Disney princess.”

Mammon: “What?”

Asmodeus: *wheeze* “where did that come from?!”

Mc: “Snow White.”

Satan: “oh shit…”

Belphegor: “I hate you so much right now.”

Mammon: *Looks like he short-circuited before laughing his ass off and the others laugh too*

Mc: “and Solomon, Solomon is the evil queen but instead he wants a pact”

Leviathan: “Mc… why?”

Mc: “And Barbatos is the fairy Godmother because his timey-whimey bippity boppity bullshit.”

Beelzebub: *chokes on food*

And then Lucifer walks in after doing paperwork

Lucifer: “What the actual fuck did I miss?”

[abarbaricyalp]

🃏 - Are you joking right now? For the SamBucky ask.

🃏 - Are you joking right now? I feel like this is a phrase that gets passed around between them quite often

There was a book that Sam read to the boys that made them screech with laughter, even as Cass got older and AJ got more discerning. It was about a maid who took things literally (which would be a joke in the book where she stole items away). Even Bucky found it amusing when the author managed to find a turn of phrase he hadn't thought of. Also, he just liked the sound of Sam reading with an exaggerated posh accent and feigned shock.

In reality, Bucky liked literal people a whole lot less, especially when it was some wizard who was such a caricature that it almost had to be on purpose. He even said bippity-boppity.

Bippity-boppity fame, let's play a game. What's in a name? Bippity-boppity lame.

Whatever the hell that meant. That wasn't even a spell. Still, all that glowy-magic-shit had swooshed around the air and all of a sudden, nothing was as it seemed. Where Bishop had just been standing, there was a hawk with robotic eyes. A disgustingly large spider had appeared where he'd last seen Belova, and Khan had turned into...a mini galaxy?

What the fuck?

Bucky did a quick scan of himself and was thrilled to find he was still apparently human. It wasn't until he tried to take a step and nearly face planted in the ground that he realized his feet had become frozen to the ground. And when he threw his hands up to brace his fall, ice and snow shot from his palms.

"Sam!" he called out, breath fogging in front of his face. "What the hell are we dealing with?"

Bucky wasn't sure why he was surprised to hear the rustling of feathers. He turned on his heel, breaking more ice in the process, and looked at Sam, who had been right on his six just a handful of seconds ago.

Now a giant bird stood there, shaking out wings and puffing a chest, all of which were colored like his Cap uniform, blues and reds and whites that still cut an impressive figure on a bird's body. A bright star of feathers expanded and contracted as he breathed.

"Oh, you have got to be joking," Bucky breathed. At least he wasn't an eagle, Bucky supposed.

"Fix them!" he called up to the wizard. "I'm not dealing with this bullshit!"

"Winter Soldier, what to do, what to do? You're in charge. That's new," the wizard called back, voice echoing around the cavern they were in. Because of course the ridiculous wizard had a cavern. "Are you sure? Are you going to shoot the cure?" he asked, appearing in front of Bucky long enough for Bucky to swing out, disappearing before Bucky could make contact. A slab of ice fell to the floor and shattered.

Bucky half growled, half shouted. He shook ice from his feet again and bounced on his toes to keep more form forming. When Belova started to move--on too many legs--he held up a hand to her. "Don't even think about it. You stay way over there."

She rolled eight eyes at him, but didn't move closer to him.

"I'm not in charge," he called. He swallowed his pride, squeezed his eyes shut. "You are. Tell me more."

The wizard appeared behind Sam and Bucky whirled around in time to watch Sam propel into the air. The gust of his wings was enough to knock Bucky out of rhythm with his hopping. "Who are they? Who are you? This will be a long day."

"You are so fucking annoying," Bucky snapped. He looked at Sam, who had settled on the ground again. "You're Sam Wilson," he told him. "Son of Paul and Darlene. Brother to Sarah. Uncle to Cass and AJ. You're Captain America. You're my partner, my best friend."

Birds didn't have eyebrows, but it seemed like Sam had raised an eyebrow at him. Nothing happened. Bucky shouted at the ceiling again.

"Yelena Belova. Sister to Natasha. A Black Widow, a savior of Widows. Kate Bishop, Hawkeye, Bishop takes King. Kamala Khan, Miss Marvel, Little Miss New Jersey, ray of cosmic light. Little Avengers. New Avengers. Brat Pack. New Age Heroes. An Annoyance of Heroes. What do you want from me?!"

"Time's up, wrong line up." the wizard said, appearing in front of Bucky to shove him backwards hard. Bucky went flying back, which he wasn't expecting. He hit the rock hard and let the air get knocked out of him. It cleared his head, felt like it realigned him.

"Bucky!" the stars that made up Khan shouted. Bucky didn't know she could do that.

He pushed himself back to his feet and heaved in a breath of freezing air. "Right. I'm Bucky Barnes," he said. "I'm not the one known for saving people, am I?" He touched the wall behind him and sent ice crawling over every surface.

The wizard fell from whatever perch he was on, then scrambled to find his footing. Bucky caught his legs in ice before he could. "If you wanted a fair fight, you should've left Sam in charge of negotiations." He stalked across the ice, hoping he didn't slip because that would put a dent on this whole picture. "Turned me into a snowman or something. Left him with the vocal cords." He put his left hand against the wizard's throat and held his right just over his mouth. "Fix them, or you're gonna lose your vocal cords instead. I won't even have to use ice for it. I'll save that for making sure you can't scream."

"Oh my God?" Bishop squawked. The hawk flew down beside him, hovering for a second before she perched on his shoulder.

"Oh my God, it was just a joke!" the wizard cried, trying to thrash away from Bucky's hold. He popped his knee in the process and let out a string of curse words that definitely didn't rhyme. The old man charade faded off of him, revealing a scrawny teenager, still pockmarked with acne. "Stop, stop, stop!" he cried.

Bishop came out of it first. At least, Bucky noticed it first, because there was suddenly an arm around his throat as she fell off of his shoulder and tried not to hit the ground. They hit the ground anyway.

The ice was gone and the wizard had scrambled away as soon as he could. Belova had crossed her arms over her chest, standing behind Khan by a few steps, pretending not to assess her status. It was kind of ridiculous how well her unimpressed expression had transferred to the spider, actually.

Khan's eyes were bright and she was practically vibrating with excitement. They were never hearing the end of this. Bucky kind of didn't mind the concept. He might've missed her voice when he thought he wouldn't get to hear it again.

"Okay, but can I keep the wings?" Sam asked.

Bucky untangled himself from Bishop so quickly he almost stepped on her hand in doing so. "Sam?" he asked, almost scared to approach.

Sam held out his arms to prove he had them again. If they were alone, it might've acted like a magnet that sprang Bucky up against him. However, they weren't alone. Everyone turned to face the wizard, who was spitting new curses and scrambling to free himself from where Belova had ahold of his wizard's clock collar.

"What was the answer?" Bishop asked. "He said our names. He knew us. We knew ourselves. Well, I knew me. He could've known me better. Really, a newspaper headline?" she asked Bucky over her shoulder.

"There was no answer," the wizard half exclaimed, half sneered. "I was just supposed to distract you."

"Distract us from what?" Belova asked and shook him. "Who are you working with?"

"I don't know!" the wizard defended. "They just gave me a magic relic to do it. I didn't ask questions."

"Uh, guys?" Khan said, from the entrance of the cave. "I think our jet is being stolen?"

Quad identical groans echoed through the cave.

"Come on," Sam called, jogging ahead of everyone. "I'll stall them. You get down as fast as you can."

He got to the edge of the cliff and spread his wings to take to the sky. Bucky watched bits of fabric and feathers flutter in the downdraft. He watched Sam's falcon wings catch the wind, send him a little off course before he corrected.

"Oh, you have seriously got to be fucking joking," he repeated, jogging after Sam. "Khan, restrain him and bring him with us. Can you make a bridge down to the ground? Belova, you go ahead. Bishop, you stay--"

Sam still had wings. Subtly, Bucky pointed his palm down at the ground. He probably was just imagining the tingling against his skin and the way his foot slipped on the rock. Probably.

[mayra-quijotescx]

if you gave me a magic wand that allowed me to change one (1) thing about Houston's layout, without hesitation I'd wave that sucker around and bippity boppity banish every stadium out past hwy 99. you want to crowd in with thousands of other friendless motherfuckers who drive like asshats to go see a sports game or a concert or the rodeo or some other obnoxious bullshit? leave town. sayonara you texaboo shits

[mayor-of-losertown]

I do love the running theme that Kingdom Hearts actually has consistent power scaling among its OCs, but the Disney characters can just break it whenever.

The most powerful sorcerers in all Final Fantasy-related media, in terms of being able to cast the highest level of Flare, are FF16!Bahamut... and Donald Duck.

Vanitas is a demon made out of pure hatred able to trounce Keyblade masters... but Sully just grabs him and tosses him through a door.

The Final World, the actual afterlife, can only be accessed or escaped by very powerful magic... or by asking the Fairy Godmother to bippity-boppity-boo you there and back.

I dunno, it's just nice that the Disney elements can stay relevant even through the infinite escalation of Nomura's anime bullshit.

My favorite Kingdom Hearts fact is that one of the biggest plot-holes that Nomura has never been able to meaningfully retcon or write his way out, a plot-hole so big that it fundamentally breaks the very rules the series is written on…

Is the existence of Steamboat Willie

Let me explain for the uninitiated:

In Kingdom Hearts 2, there’s a small detour in the story involving Maleficent trying to invade Disney Castle, the home of King Mickey. She can’t step foot in the castle due to an artefact of pure light that wards off darkness locked in the basement.

Pete, who is working for Maleficent, opens a door into the past (Before Disney Castle, this land was known as Timeless River) and decides to remove the artifact from it’s place in time so it won’t be there to stop them from getting in.

Sora, Donald, and Goofy chase Pete into the past thanks to another magic door provided by Merlin, and through some shenanigans involving old cartoons and teaming up with Pete’s past-self, they lock the door the villains are using, and return the artefact to it’s proper place so it can exist in the present.

You with me so far? Pretty straightforward-ish time-travel plot right?

Here’s where it goes off the rails.

Time travel would go on to become a staple of Kingdom Hearts going forward and would come with a very strict set of rules over how it operates:

1. You can only travel to a point in time where a version of yourself exists

2. You basically give up your body to do so, and travel as a disembodied soul unless you have a vessel to inhabit

3. You can’t alter the past in a meaningful way, what’s going to happen will happen

4. You lose your memories of said trip once you return, but your actions could leave a lingering instinct on your other self that could influence their decisions

“Wait” you may be thinking “Why should anyone go through all those hoops? Wasn’t time travel super simple that first time?”

And you’d be totally right, because the existence of Timeless River completely renders all of these rules and restrictions meaningless. 

There is no version of Sora that existed in Timeless River before he step foot there, everyone kept their bodies, the trio and Pete were able to mess with the timeline as freely as they pleased, and they all very much remember their trip. 

Nomura has never been able to meaningfully explain this super simple, easy way of time travel and the more convoluted method co-existing other than a cheap-throwaway line from one of the villains saying that Merlin “broke the rules” 

The hilarious part about this line is that it implies that PETE of all characters is actually more powerful than the actual villain of the series, because Pete opened a door into Timeless River through sheer willpower and nostalgia for “the good old days”

But the all-knowing chess-master of a villain who had an evil plan several decades in the making with countless moving parts and contingencies to account for had to use the roundabout, more complicated method of time travel where a lot could go wrong.

Pete though? Dude just casually broke all the rules of time travel because he felt like it. He’s just built different.

TL;DR: Steamboat Willie breaks Kingdom Hearts lore in half, Pete is more powerful than Master Xehanort, and I fucking love this beautiful trainwreck of a series you guys it means so much to me

I love Kingdom hearts so much.

[shannie-writes]

Shakespeare Route, Part 3!

I’ll be putting all route content under a readmore cut, and will tag with (in detailed order) “chief’s bullshit summaries”, “shakespeare route spoilers”, “william shakespeare route spoilers”, “shakespeare route”, “william shakespeare route”, “ikemen vampire spoilers”, and “ikevamp spoilers”. Please feel free to block any and all of these tags, depending on which specific content tier you’re not wanting to see.

Part 3 - “A Cinderella Story: Vampire Bro Edition”

- Rewind back to Will entering the freaky deaky cathedral

- Shakes: "Honey, I'm hoooome!"

Vlad: "Hey babe, I was moongazing."

Shakes: "Oh yeah cool, I like crescent moons"

Vlad: "Yeah well, I'm not moon-ist and love all kinds of moons. Wtf you doin' here"

Shakes: "oh boi do I have a story for you"

- Spongebob narrator: Five Minutes Later

- Vlad: "My my my, a human girl in the Comte's place"

Shakes: "Yeah well, don't get too excited"

- Vlad asks Will about a play he's working on and Will pulls it from his jacket. Vlad's his editor I guess and says it's coming along well.

- Shakes: "My one true goal in life is to make a good drama"

Vlad: "Yeah same. Thanks for joining me on my quest and leaving that mansion"

Shakes: "It really was fate that time we met in town"

- Vlad stares out the window some more with a smile

Vlad: "The night out there is beautiful, while the world rots around me. This is why I need you."

Shakes: "Yeah, so...gonna leave you to your thing, bye"

Vlad looks out the window with lonely eyes now

- cut to a few days later at the mansion

- MC is taking her job at the mansion seriously by helping Sebastian and reminisces over some of the reasons why her bros decided to come back as vamps. She thinks on if she would ever be able to compare to all these great and famous people (and maybe become a vamp too??) while she sets the table

- MC: "I better keep those thoughts to myself"

Vincent, walking in: "What was that?"

MC: "Nothing!"

- Theo and Arthur walk in

Theo: "You're setting the fork and knife wrong"

Arthur: "She's a foreign lady, cut her some slack. Also MC, I am happy to teach you some table manners eyyy."

MC: "Yeah no"

- Vincent: "Really tho, what were you saying earlier?"

MC: "Nothing!"

Vincent, with a dazzling smile: "I'm always here to talk if you need it"

MC: Oh my god, an actual angel "Well, compared to you all, I'm…"

- Arthur and Theo say some things in response that don't seem to be that nice?? (Arthur: flirty, Theo: calls her a dog and how he has no time for her) and MC thinks back on how kind her bros are anyway.

- MC is pouring them their drinks and Vincent asks her to go on a date with him

- MC: "A date!?"

Vincent: "Ya, a date"

Theo: "I'm gonna be sick"

Arthur: "How you gonna end that date eyyyy"

Theo: "Shut the fuck up. Vincent, don't you dare do that with the dog"

Vincent: "Do what? ...oh….OH GOD NO, IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO A PLAY"

- Guess what play? Romeo and Juliette because of course it is.

- MC: "A Shakespeare play?"

Vincent: "Ya, but he goes by a pen name rn"

MC: Damn, he's still a playwright? Guess you stick with what you know. "That's a fuckin' fancy locale, you sure you wanna invite a girl like me?"

Vincent: "Treat yo'self girl"

MC: This fucking angel "I'm so hype"

Vincent: "Same. And we'll say hi to Will if we see him"

Theo: "Well, I'm using my brotherly powers to veto that decision"

MC: "Why??"

Theo: "I don't like Shakespeare"

Arthur: "Gotta agree on that one"

- MC goes on a thought tangent and asks why it is that Will is the only one who lives away from the mansion anyway. Theo is not helpful in the slightest and Arthur says all he knows is that Shakespeare was revived first by Comte and that he was gone by the time he himself arrived.

- MC then asks why they dislike him if they don't really know him.

Arthur: "He knows too much. Once upon a time, when I met him at a banquet, he gave me a gin and tonic, which I like, but I'd never had that in front of him before. How tf did he know that??"

Theo and MC: "......"

MC: "wtf that's it?"

- Arthur gets all smug and asks MC if Shakes is just putting on a good person mask in front of her. Theo says he'll pick up her remains after being eaten. Vincent gets after Theo

- Theo: "Well, enjoy the play anyway"

- MC: "Ohwait I need a fancy dress. Dammit where am I gonna get one of those"

Fairy Godmother Comte: "Did you call?"

- Comte wraps an arm around MC.

Comte: "Let's go on a shopping spree. Who cares about work, we need to get you a fancy dress post haste. LET'S GOOOOO!!"

Theo: "Good luck with him"

Arthur: "He's always like this lol"

Vincent: "Seeya laterz"

- cut to that evening with MC in a carriage with Vincent

- Vincent: "That dress is pretty on you"

MC: "Thanks! The Comte is like some kind of shopaholic freak, it was near impossible to get him to stop"

Vincent: "Sounds like you both had a good time"

- The carriage comes to a stop in front of a fancy fancy building covered in lights

- Vincent: "We're here"

End Scene

[positively--speculative]

@bippity-boppity-bullshit

Oh, wow...Bippity, I’m going to need someone to draw Selina meowing and Bruce screeching in response.

[thewaywarddaughter1967]

You’ve gotta be kidding me

So earlier this episode Mikey’s all like “No YOU can’t have control, Dean. I’M the cool one. I own you.” and Dean’s all like “oh no” and then Mikey-moo punches Dean out of the mirror thing. And then you little shits want me to believe Mikey-my-bitch just kinda Blue Skidooed himself outta Dean for kicks. Are you for real?

[mollymarmoset]

@bippity-boppity-bullshit

the autopsy team in every hannibal episode:

will graham:

[dreamcatcherrs]

s/o who’s always horny + s/o who’s always tired = sleepy sex tiktok trend

+ this does NOT contain smut, just inappropriate jokes :p

scenario:

you’d seen a trend going around on tiktok with couples filming themselves with one always being horny, and the other always sleepy, and you thought it’d be fun to do with your boyfriend. of course without him knowing.

you whip out your phone and start recording yourself on tiktok, forming your hand into a gun-shape and pointing in front of you. and with a lot of pleading you made your boyfriend do the same. you edit the video with text claiming who’s the “sleepy” and “horny” one, and finally go to show your boyfriend to see his reaction of the end result…

♡ dream ♡:

he watches intently and with furrowed brows, not knowing what to expect this time

when it ends he rolls his eyes with a smirk on his face

“the scratches on my back say otherwise”

wheezes when you go to smack his arm

♡ george ♡:

honestly, george already knows it’s gonna be something stupid just from the way you excitedly handed your phone to him

he starts ranting about how dumb and inaccurate it is

“I don’t even sleep that much!”

♡ sapnap ♡:

starts laughing so much that his eyes crinkle at the edges

“I know damn well that you’re not talking about me!”

starts teasing you by saying that you’re always the horny one and pokes at your sides

♡ badboyhalo ♡:

he is so shocked that you'd make a video like this

audibly gasps and starts profusely yelling at you while you're dying from laughter

“Y/N, WHAT THE MUFFIN!”

♡ technoblade ♡:

“HEH?!”

sits there in shame and shakes his head at you in silence

“what has this app done to you.”

♡ wilbur soot ♡: 

is excited about what you'd been editing and kisses your cheek sweetly

but when the video’s over he’s staring you dead in the eye, shocked

“I did not expect this from you, y/n.”

♡ karl jacobs ♡:

shoots you a wild look and starts laughing 

“what? what, y/n, what? what was that?”

threatens you with tickles

♡ skeppy ♡:

the video immediately cracks him up because of how cute you looked

rewatches it over and over again as he continues laughing

“I can't believe you made me do this.”

♡ fundy ♡:

at this point he’s so used to all the tiktok trends you do together, that he expects just about anything

sighs once the video’s over and looks at you with a serious look on his face, while you're deviously laughing

“I’ve lost faith in humanity.”

♡ quackity ♡:

“what's this then?”

grabs your phone out of your hands and laughs at the video he just watched

asks you to send it to him and sees it as a cinematic masterpiece

♡ punz ♡:

has definitely already seen this trend going around on his own fyp, but not this specific one

is startled and watches it one more time to make sure he read it right

“that’s bullshit! you're the horny one.”

“and you're the sleepy one???”

♡ awesamdude ♡:

thinks it’s cute that you’d make a video with him

- until he sees the video

he lowkey likes it cause he thinks it’s funny, but he also wants to tease you by acting disappointed

♡ foolish ♡:

is giggling even before you press play

and then when he watches it to the end he’s giggling even more

“what even is this?”

____________________________________

tag list✰

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[fyeahdickandbabs]

bippity-boppity-bullshit replied to your post “avataraandy replied to your post “Hey! I noticed that some people...”

Idk dick cheating on Kori with Babs in that nightwing annual years back was p bad

Dick’s portrayal in Batgirl #45 is worse.

[bubblymochicat]

Tired Marshal Commander Cody who has not slept in like 5 days looking count Dooky (Dooku) dead in the eyes after he outright lies to his face: This is some bippity boppity bullshit

[noxiousaffection]

dol school love interests + wren and alex and what i think their favorite childhood series would have been

Robin: Magic Tree House

A Series of Unfortunate Events was a good contender, but it just hit too close to home. Don’t get them wrong, the books were good, but if they wanted to read about a miserable orphan coping with a shitty caretaker, they’d just write an autobiography.

Thoroughly read through every single book in the series, not just once or twice, but eight times. They could probably recite whole passages from memory. Orphans, especially under Bailey’s care, aren’t afforded entertainment, thus find ways to dissociate from their miserable existence busy their minds. Robin would have lost it years ago without these books.

It was pure chance that they discovered this particular series. Specifically, they selected a book at random from their middle school library, which also just so happensd to be the first of the series.

Whitney: Harry Potter

Now this may come to as a surprise, but Whitney is a diehard Harry Potter fan. I can feel it in my bones. However, let’s make one thing clear, this is not, nor will ever be, common knowledge. Even juvenile Whitney had a reputation to uphold, even if that reputation was just of him being an insufferable, half-pint delinquent.

Owns an abundance of merch, none of which they openly display. As if they’re into that bippity boppity boo bullshit, they’re not a nerd. Shut up before they make you. Now, if you were to somehow find your way into their closet, you may that it stores anything but clothes.

Vehemently loathes the golden trio, Harry Potter himself more specifically. Any clown foolish enough to express fondness for that assfuck orphan, his brain dead dog, and the know-it-all bitch within Whitney’s ear shot shall find themself befallen a great travesty.

Kylar: Warrior Cats

Talk about a fanatic; this is no mere phase, it’s a life long commitment. When you enter a relationship with Kylar, you also enter a non-negotiable relationship with their precious books. Has been attached to this series since primary school and will continue to be for the foreseeable future.

Randomly makes various cat noises. (i.e. hisses at people who get too close to you, meows for your attention, purrs when you give them affection, etc.) Do it back. Seriously, do it. Instantly turns them on.

Unironically calls you their mate.

Please roleplay with them. Please.

Somehow always got a hold of every book before release. Their parents aren’t afraid to abuse their power for their precious baby.

Has not and will not ever read a single page of Erin Hunter’s spin-off series Survivor. Canines are the enemy; they’re no traitor.

Sydney: Dear America

Honestly, I remember very little about these books, but if what little memory remains stand to be true, then I just know little Sydney was obsessed. Outside of the temple, their passion for these historical works of fiction remains unparalleled even to this day.

For as long as they’ve been a library assistant, the series never seems to be available to be checked out. Sydney denies all allegations.

Owns a hardback copy of every single book, spin-offs included.

Wren: Goosebumps

In truth, Wren isn’t much of a reader (never having finished even a single book outside of school), but these books hold a special place in their heart.

Each book is the perfect length for this young smuggler’s near nonexistent attention span; a reliable source for those short bursts of dopamine they crave.

It’s not that they don’t like reading, per say, just that they’re dyslexic. Reading becomes a chore when you’re chasing words down on a page.

Their favorite books of all time would have to be Go Eat Worms and The Egg Monster From Mars. I have no good explanations for these, just vibes and a dash of projection.

Alex: Captain Underpants

I’m not quite sure how they first got a hold of the series, but they were hooked almost instantaneously. Their parents were more than happy to fund their latest fascination.

They hate reading, but they can get behind comics. They much prefer pictures to words and comics are chock-full of pictures.

If given the chance, I imagine they would have enjoyed Diary of A Wimpy Kid just as much.

Nowadays, the only thing Alex reads is the shampoo bottle label when they’re taking a shit.

[theevangelion]

Soulmates: Chapter XV

(Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

She had stayed at the park some long time past ten, just standing there, thinking and not thinking, until a ranger had appeared, uniform and khakis, somewhat concerned.

As it turned out, Southview Hill Park was a suicide hot spot.

Cat had laughed when he said that. She laughed, so hard, so violently, that it took her right back to her early twenties. The park ranger clearly thought this was strange, but satisfied she wasn’t a risk to herself, he let her on her way back down the path towards the turn that would lead to a footbridge, then a stroll to the gates that went back out towards city streets.

For all the things Cat knew in this world, this fact was fond and sacred and morbid in the second-most charming way possible, learned at the precise moment she needed to learn it, perhaps if only because the universe felt some semblance of debt it needed to square away.

She now knew why it was Southview Hill Park was the second most-charming view in the city.

And, sooner rather than later, she would take it to the grave, but there was no need to dwell or hurry things along—she had spent nearly fifty years living slow, idle, in her own distinctly Cat Grant way.

Why change now?

She took a car to her townhouse in the west district. The late-night visitor huddled near her doorstep was half expected, but Cat felt no fondness or romanticism for the display. She got out of the car, rolling her eyes, shoving her purse in Kara’s arms so she could open the front door.

“One hour.” Cat hummed. “You can ask whatever questions you want, but then you need to figure out a way home, and never ask me prying questions again, because that is still very much my area of expertise that I spent thirty years building a conglomerate upon...”

“When were you going to tell me?” Kara’s voice broke her heart.

“Never.” Cat remained firm. “Next question—”

“You don’t get to do that!”

“Why?” Cat snatched and turned around, rearing up close beneath the little girl’s nose. “Why do you feel so entitled to my life? For what reason, exactly? Because bippity-boppity boo—a tattoo showed up on your ass cheek one day?” She balked.

Kara’s chin wobbled and her tears refused to fall. “When did you know?”

“I didn’t,” Cat told the truth. “I didn’t until I did. I burned my birthmark off a long time ago, kiddo, you would be surprised how quickly you forget things with some determination and years behind you.”

“So I am…” Kara nodded and fiddled with her hands. “And you are…”

“Kara. Can I level with you a second?”

“Jesus, I would love it if you did.” There was a loathing, hateful fire in her gentle blue eyes.

It made Cat feel a little warm inside.

Almost resistant to the mere idea, Cat forced it away, told it to go fuck itself, shovelled and buried it dead until a certain sense of wherewithal found her again.

“You are so bright, so hungry for life and in love with the world, so let me ask you this and please—enough with the romantic bullshit—just think about your answer.” Cat swallowed hard. “How many happily ever afters do you really know? How many have you really seen with your own two eyes, enough to trust the biggest decision of your life to something as cruel and arbitrary as the universe?”

“Everyone, Cat. Literally, you fucking narcissist, everybody on the fucking planet except you and Lena Luthor get a happily-ever-after.” Kara grew red faced, shaking, too angry to contain any of it. “Here I am, caught in the shittiest love triangle in the history of the world, the literal worst fucking romance story in the duration of forever!” Kara pointed accusingly. “I was happy! I met Lena, and you knew, Cat, you knew what was happening and you let me fall in love with her anyway—”

“Your parents.” Cat felt her eyebrows knit with accusation. “What’s their marriage like?”

“Like…” Kara twisted and thought about it. “Like a marriage? They're quiet, content, happy.”

“Your grandparents?”

“The same.”

“And that's what you want?” Cat scoffed. “The same old safe bet? You don't want to be twenty, and thirty, and forty, falling in love in different ways every day, hating in little unimportant new ways every day?” Cat narrowed in disbelief. “It's cowardly. Beyond that, I am Catherine Grant, and I am nobody's safe bet.”

Kara stood there like a fool. Largely because she was a fool, and Cat never forgot it, but in some moments it felt more distinct and poignant than others. The youth. The age difference. The levels of life experience so vastly different between them that they were playing entirely different games.

It wasn't Kara's fault, Cat understood that, but it did nothing to alleviate her disappointment.

She didn't love Kara.

But for all of her mercurial ways, Cat wanted so much better for her.

“Soulmates aren't safe bets.” Kara's lips trembled in a different way, something other than anger stuck in her throat this time. “Love isn't...quiet or content! It is hopeless, peaceful, madly in love, blissful! It's not cowardly. You, Cat. You are the coward!”

“Alright.” Cat laughed at that. “Your friends? Do they seem… hopelessly, head over heels, madly in love, blissful in their little fairy-tale lives?”

“I don’t get what you’re trying to say…” Kara knew exactly what was being said.

“I’m saying that it’s bullshit, Kara!” Cat emphasised with boisterous, exploding laughter. It was disbelief, not humour, because it felt as though for all of her life she had been the only person in on this absurd joke. “It’s your Instagram page. It’s make-believe. It’s shiny, pretty little exaggerations because everybody is so fucking consumed with this idea of instantaneous and perfect love that when it dawns on them how empty and lacking it all feels…well!” Cat scoffed. “They must feel like they’re the only people in the world who feel such a thing—who have ever felt such a thing—because everybody else is so happy, shiny, and too terribly frightened to admit it either.”

“So, the entire world is fake other than you?” Kara stuck her hands on her hips. “Love isn’t real. It’s all a lie. You don't have a Kara-shaped birthmark somewhere on your body, and this is...what exactly?”

Kara turned and slightly adjusted the waist of her jeans.

There it was on her hip.

Funny.

Cat forgot, for just the briefest moment, what it was they were fighting about.

“Do you believe in free will?” Cat fixed her most formidable, mercurial, serious of stares and stepped forward to the optimist.

Kara scoffed.

“What does that have to do—”

“Do you, or don't you?”

“Sure. Yes, of course I believe in free will. I'm not...” Kara glanced around. “I'm here on my own conviction not because I think the universe is trying to spite you!”

Hesitant, Cat remembered herself, but she nodded at Kara's assessment of things.

“Do you think the woman you are is the same woman you would be if your life had been different, Kara?” Cat reasoned. “Your whole thing is your shitty little boring rural life back home, right? How it made you—defines you in these big crucial ways you need to process your life through and compare back to—do you think you would be the person you are today if you had different influences, or if you had made different choices?” Cat suggested with a slight cock of her head. “I made a decision thirty years ago that cannot be undone, Kara, because it led me to a lifetime of decisions that I wouldn't have gotten the chance to make had I prioritised something as stupid as a soulmate. Whoever that woman is on your hip...” Cat shook her head in repulsion where none was felt. “She isn't me, kiddo, not this version of me.”

“I think you’re right, Cat, because you are being a giant cunt, and I hate saying that to you, firstly because you are sick, and secondly because you are my soul—”

“If you say that word you’re going to find out the hard way why Anne Wintour tripled her security from late 2014 onwards.” Cat folded her arms. “I’m not sick, Kara, I’m just not yours. Thirty years ago? Maybe. I see that, sure, but I’m not some googly-eyed twenty something doing my first lap around the block.” Cat felt her eyes sting and she wished, prayed, hoped to god they would not reveal her.

“It’s not too late,” Kara whispered with reticence.

She was saying it because she was young, stupid, and life had taught her that it was her line in the script. Cat just shook her head, frustrated, ignoring the thump-thumping of her chest and the strange grief that came with a natural love she felt no desire or claim to.

“Kara, I’m sorry, I was nineteen and I made a choice. It was you or it was me, and I chose me.” Cat unbuttoned the bottom of her blouse and pulled it up to her ribs, tilting to the side, so Kara could see where it had one been. “I chose me, Kara, because it’s my life too.”

There was a puckered, silvered little scar that looked like an old burn. It was where Kara’s name had, indeed, once been—some long time before she had even been born.

The scar had healed, and over it, a new name had been tattooed.

Catherine.

“You deserve to be alone,” Kara cried, heartbroken, furious and without words for the things she was feeling.

“I know, kid.” Cat pushed a small smile. “But you? That does not have to be your choice for your life.”

“Good. That's good, because Lena Luthor is twice the woman you could ever dream of being even if you had batted a thousand instead of wasting your life justifying the nasty, callous way you treat people!” Kara seemed as though she was convincing herself more than anyone else.

It was a good thing, in Cat’s books, meant this whole ordeal would be just a little easier on the crybaby when it got to where it was all going.

Kara wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, adjusted her glasses and seemed to itch for a great escape through the front door she was stepping backwards for.

“Oh no, you're going.” Cat deadpanned, expressionless behind the eyes as she extended her palm. “But wait, I was just about to recite sonnets—”

“Fuck you, Cat. I’m going to Lena’s place, to a woman who loves me, and thinks I have inherent value and worth! You want to die alone, lonely, and without love? You go right ahead but don’t think you’re dismantling my self-esteem on your way into the grave!”

“Well fuck.” Cat reached for the bourbon decanter on the table, rolling her eyes, fond despite the temper steaming out her ears. “You know for what it’s worth I think you and I really might have loved each other to death. Sorry you were thirty years late to the party, kiddo.”

[relaxxattack]

Hmmmm to start chapter 4, or to attempt some homework

..........

one more chapter

Chapter 4 let's go!

"To Ran he will always look incredibly short" well sorry Mr tall enderman we can't all be 6ft tall

You're worried about being killed by association but do you really not care about Jackie being killed hmmm Ran : 3?

"Things are being done about it" bippity boppity bullshit my man you haven't done anything to find these kids I bet, you don't really care you just wanna win the war

........... These guys killed her son in the Pit didn't they oh dear no wonder she hates them

(To be fair he entered the pit) still. Ouch.

It's gonna rain

Ran get inside get off the roof you fool

he's getting burned by the rain you just stood there you fool

Heheheheheehehe you just saved him from dying. Woulda been easy to say he slipped and fell. That's what woulda happened. Natural causes. < But Cha DIDNT gif >

Also hoodie super cute like aww yesss

RAN GET BACK HERE YOUR CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM YOUR FEELINGS. I say, knowing full well that I too, would run away.

Time for some Watson. Lucky Watson didn't accidentally stab himself with that syringe. Ever heard of KNOCKING.

Still reaaaaaaaaally looking like it's gonna be a kiss n stab for chapter 6.

One more chapter, she says, already starting chapter 5.

Very fun though lol

-mimick

not the “kiss-n-stab“ 😭

[a-singleboat]

Does He Know?

Word Count: 1.5k

Request: Damien Haas x Reader with the prompts 13, 33, 129 - Anon

Masterlist

You didn’t know your day could have gotten worse. Between hiding your obvious morning sickness from your oblivious boyfriend and actually doing your job, you were sure that only a gunfight could make your day any worse. You had your fingers crossed that that wouldn’t happen. You didn’t think you could mentally afford that trauma at the moment. 

As you sat in your cozy little office, you made idle gossip with your assistant, Emily, to pass the time. You organized your desk as she complained about the coffee machine on your floor not working for the thousandth time, lamenting that she had to make the trip two floors down for a decent cup. 

“Maybe you should learn how to fix the machine,” you suggested, only partially paying attention to what she was saying. Emily had moved on to her latest in-office crush, one of the techies that worked one floor up. “And I wouldn’t try it with any of the techies. They all look great, sure, but don’t do well in relationships.” 

“You don’t know that for certain,” Emily defended her crush. “Besides, not everyone can have the perfect relationship that you have with Mr. Damien Haas. Honestly, you guys are sickening.”

“Our relationship isn’t perfect,” you argued, hand falling to your stomach as if on instinct. You were barely even showing yet, part of the reason why you had been able to hide your pregnancy so well. “I mean, we still have our arguments…”

Emily narrowed her eyes at you, critical of the way your hand had immediately gone to your stomach at those words. You’d told her that you weren’t feeling the best earlier, the possibility of the stomach flu being high. That didn’t explain your switch from coffee to tea, specifically ginger tea--which she knew you hated with a passion. 

“Does he know about the baby?” Emily asked bluntly, crossing her arms over her chest. You hesitated, unsure of how to answer that. Emily was smart, you knew that. If she had managed to figure it out in less than thirty minutes, then you were sure Damien already knew. 

“No,” you lowered your voice. “He doesn’t. I was going to tell him, I swear, I just--”

“Bullshit. You weren’t going to tell him and we both know that.” Emily frowned. “God, Y/n. What were you going to do? Skip town and reappear with a child. You and Damien have been together, what? Five years?”

“Eight, actually,” you corrected. She glared at you, making you shut your mouth. 

“Eight years is no better, Y/n,” she reprimanded. “If you don’t tell him, then I will.”

“Tell him who?” 

You jumped banging your knee against the underside of your desk while Emily’s hand flew to her chest. The both of you turned to look at the office door, which had been left open. Sheepishly, Damien apologized for scaring the both of you. 

“How long have you been standing there?” you demanded, reorganizing the pens back into the pencil holder. “And what did you hear?”

Damien held his hands up in surrender. “I heard nothing. I literally just got here.”

“Good.” You exhaled. “What are you doing here? I thought you had a scene to shoot?” 

“I’m going to get a refill.” Emily snatched up her coffee mug and got up from her seat, edging around Damien on her way out of the office. She closed the door behind her, leaving the two of you in silence.

“Scene got pushed back because… well… I may have ripped my pants.” Damien turned around, revealing the rip down the middle of his pants. You tried not to laugh as he explained how it happened. “I swear I wasn’t doing anything I wasn’t supposed to. The piece of equipment had no right to go anywhere near my butt.”

“So what I’m hearing is you were standing where you weren’t supposed to and got caught on a piece of equipment, resulting in your split pants.”

“No,” Damien denied, the red of embarrassment already crawling onto his cheeks. You grinned and poked his cheek slightly, laughing as he swatted you away. 

“It’s fine,” you reassured, hands falling to his shoulders. You rubbed soothing circles into his shoulder blades, watching as he relaxed under your touch. “You’re lucky these aren’t your actual pants. Go get changed and bring these back to me, I’ll have them fixed in no time.”

“What were you and Emily talking about?” Damien stalled his exit, pulling you into his arms. You settled your head into his chest, breathing in the scent of new clothes and the detergent the two of you shared. 

“It was nothing,” you mumbled into his chest, patting his bicep. “Just work stuff. I accidentally stole Jeff’s stapler and she threatened to rat me out.”

You cringed at your lie. There was a reason you worked in costuming and not in front of the camera. You were a terrible actress and it showed. 

“Really?” Damien didn’t buy it. “Emily threatened you because you stole Jeff’s stapler? Somehow, I don’t believe it.” He held you at arm’s length, forcing you to look at him instead of the plaid fabric of his costume. “What’s actually the matter?”

Somehow, you knew it was now or never. If you didn’t tell him now, there was sure to be a train ticket with your name on it. You’d have to go into hiding, forever. You kid would grow up without their father and, most likely, an alcoholic mother because for some reason that’s how you say yourself in the future without Damien. 

And before you could stop yourself, your mouth opened and spilled your secret to the man standing in front of you. “I’m pregnant.” The two words stopped all time and movement as you watched the trainwreck that was your life unfold. 

He was silent, which was the worst reaction you could have thought of. This was it, he was going to break up with you and you would have to move cross country anyways because even being in the same state as him would be too painful. In your head, you thought of what your single-mother house would look like.

It most likely wouldn’t be a house. You’d live in a shack with an outhouse. Your baby would grow up to be a hick and you’d die of some ancient disease at the age of forty-three with no one by your kid to mourn you. 

Then, out of absolutely nowhere, Damien yelled out in… fear? No. Excitement. 

“I’m going to be a dad?” he asked, eyes widened and disbelieving. “You’re not joking, right? I’m actually going to be a father?” 

You nodded, tears you didn’t know you had dripped down onto your cheeks. The salty water sloped off your chin, landing on the carpet below you.

“Baby,” he wiped underneath your eyes with his thumb. “Why are you crying?” 

You exhaled shakily, falling into his chest as your sobs broke free. “Oh, I was so scared you were going to be mad at me.”

“Mad at you… Why would I be…?” His arms wrapped around your shoulders as you fisted his shirt in your hands. He was going to have to change before he could go back to shooting… If he went back to shooting, though you were sure Emily already told them what was going on. “I could never be mad at you for something like this.”

“But we’re not even married. Oh, God, my mom is going to beat my ass--Damien, we’re not even married!”

“Simple solution for that,” Damien said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a distinct velvet box. He dropped down on his knee in front of you, velvet box in hand. “Be my wife.”

“Damien--”

“I had this whole thing planned,” he rambled. “I was going to take you out for dinner and bring you back to where we first met…”

“You were going to bring me to the Planetarium?” you asked. You’d stopped crying tears of relief at this point, exchanging them for tears of joy. You blamed the pregnancy hormones, making you cry more than you had in the entire eight years you’d been with Damien. 

“Yeah,” he played with the box. “Was gonna propose under the night we first met too.”

“You’re a sap.”

“Yeah, but I’m your sap,” he joked, opening the box. “Y/n, these past eight years together have been, simply put, amazing. I want to be able to wake up next to you every single morning and go to sleep next to you every night. I want to be able to make pancakes with you on our days off and always have you as my plus one to family reunions. I want the constant singing in the shower and the stupid mohawk photos you send me while I’m out. I want you, and if you’ll have me… Will you marry me?” 

“Yes!” You pulled him off the floor, throwing your arms around him and kissing him deeply. He slid the ring on your finger, pulling out of the kiss so that you could admire the gem. 

“Do me a favor, leave out the fact that I proposed to you with ripped pants when you’re telling your mom this story.” 

You laughed, craning your neck around to view his underwear still very much on display. “No,” you shook your head. “That’s definitely going to be in the engagement story.”

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