#billie dean howard angst | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stayevildarling · 2 months ago

Note

can i request a fic? i would like one where reader is falling in love with billie and found out she’s in a poly relationship with mina and delia and they slowly falling for reader too

(i love your sarah’s fics, youre so talented)

Billie Dean Howard x Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Reader- Say yes to heaven

A/N: thank you very much for requesting this, hope you enjoy🤍

tags/tw: poly relationship, female reader, mention of heartbreak, mention of unrequited love, mention of smoking, hurt/angst/comfort/fluff, very slight nsfw mention at the end

word count: 5.5k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahs , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay , @blu3dimples , @stepintomyworld

If anyone would have told you about the turn your life was about to take when you finally decided to quit your toxic job a few months ago, you would have never believed them. It had been undeniably hard, finally accepting the change and moving on from what you assumed to maybe be a job where you can finally settle down. But it had taken everything from you and so you decided to move on, move cities altogether in order to get a fresh start. And when you had seen a job advert online, an assistant job with a decent pay, you decided to go for it, considering you really had nothing to lose at this point.

And so you had moved to New Orleans, welcome for the fresh start and change of seasons, having done all the interviews and the application process online and with a bit of time passing and luck ending up getting the job. Now, you had only after the application process found out you would be working for Ms Billie Dean Howard, medium to the stars with her own tv show. You had heard of her but never having enough time to actually watch her show or learn anything about her really. And so after moving into a hotel close to your new workplace, the housing situation way more complicated than you could have estimated, you began binge watching her show. With every episode, the woman became more likeable, her antics, her sarcasm but yet her abilities and bravery.

One month in and you had performed well, doing your research beforehand, knowing to follow Ms Howard throughout the day, taking care of any incoming phone calls or emails when she is filming, providing her with morning coffee, her lunch smoothie and usual order, varying from two places she liked. Sometimes she needed you to run some personal chores like her dry cleaning or queueing for a new designer bag she wanted as filming stopped her from doing so herself. And you didn‘t mind, knowing this was ultimately what you had applied for and always wanting to work in the movie industry and this somewhat being close to what you initially wanted and dreamed of.

The blonde medium had been nothing but kind to you, always looking you in the eye when talking to you, always knowing her manners when requesting something from you, always adding a please and thank you and meaning it. She was much less than a karen than most of the people in the online forums had wrote and you grew to like her over the first month. She got stressed a lot when filming wasn‘t running like it was supposed to, sometimes going through multiple packets of cigarettes a day and she would make sure to tell her crew off when they messed up but somehow she remained nothing but kind to you, never letting her mood affect her behaviour towards you in any way.

From the first minute you had laid eyes upon the blonde in person you had felt an unfamiliar feeling in your chest, a strange sense of longing for something you had never truly felt before but you brushed it off, focusing on your work instead. But with each passing week, something within you changed, the desire to make her happy, to perform well. Billie was undeniably a flirt, always a pick up line or a joke handy, her wide smile or smirk afterwards complimenting her words perfectly and making something within your stomach twist. But you knew it wasn‘t for you, knew it was simply her antics. But something changed within you when she would often linger her hands on you during a meeting, when her hand would brush against yours as you would pass her a cigarette between filming or how some pet name of endearment would so easily flow from her lips.

You knew you were falling for the blonde, of course not being oblivious to love even if you had maybe been a stranger to it over the past few years. You had the occasional flirt, one night stand but never truly experienced true love, not the book or movie kind. But Billie made you feel, she made your stomach flutter with butterflies, made your hands warm, your voice shaking and your eyes only find hers in a room full of filming crew and even the presence of ghosts nearby. You never felt scared stepping into an abandoned building as Billie made you feel safe, her mere presence enough to ground you and forget about what it was you are truly doing here. And for a little while, you had the feeling that maybe Billie liked you too as her smile eventually grew wider seeing you, the conversations between you two became more personal as she suddenly wanted to know every detail about you, wanting to get to know you outside from the professional standards. She would look at you the way you would look at her and she would undeniably flirt with you, her eyes never leaving yours when sedutively lighting a cigarette or her head on your shoulder as you drove her home after a rough night of filming.

That‘s until you found out she was in a relationship a few days ago. Her office suddenly coated with flowers for a new pickup of her show and you knew this was nothing special with the amount of fans and connections she had but this seemed more personal and when you saw the note sticking out, reading the contents, you figured what you had assumed by now. Billie had never directly mentioned anyone, sometimes giving hints and when you drove her home it was never to her studio apartment given by the company of her show. You had done some research and found out about the academy Billie seems to live in or share a home with someone and stumbled upon the headmistress, connecting the dots as the same name appeared on the note of the flowers. And you sighed, internally shaking your head at how stupid you had been, how you could have possibly fallen in love with your boss, let alone a celebrity who clearly could never be interested in you, having a life of her own while you still lived in the same hotel room from before.

Something changed within you and every day you tried forgetting about this, to push the daydreams and fantasies away, knowing the woman was taken. But you couldn‘t stop thinking about her blonde curls, the signature lipstick, the skirts. Her beautiful smile and how it would light up a room, how her hands would always steady you, how she was so kind despite all the odds and comments online. She was your sun, the thing to keep you going on a long day and making you smile even after returning to the silence and emptiness of your hotel room but now you were alone, forcing yourself to forget these feelings and it felt more lonely than ever before.

And Billie, being Billie she could tell something must have upset you, your usual bubbly personality replaced with something much quieter and drawn back than usual. She could tell you are miles away, still performing your job perfectly but not the friend and reason for her smiling lately that you had been before. She tried to figure it out a few times throughout her busy schedule, never really able to get five minutes to confront you about it. The blonde decided to call you into her office one evening, watching you stand there so sad and almost heartbroken that she couldn‘t quite cope with it. She had asked you over and over, almost begging you to tell her what had upset you so much but you wouldn‘t share, simply stare right past her and into the distance and she left it at that, there not being a whole lot she can do and letting you go for the night.

Now, only moments later when Billie decided to grab her purse and head back for the night, she glanced at the flowers and note which you had been staring at all along, at first assuming it was the windows. And thats when Billie finally connected the dots, your interest before, your obvious acknowledgment of her flirting and your shyness around her when it suddenly stopped around the time the flowers from Cordelia and Wilhemina arrived at her office. She sighs, as she makes her way home, thinking about a way she could fix this, undeniably caring about you and wanting nothing other than to see you happy, never wanting to see you so distant and sad like you had been the last few days.

When she returns home, both of her girlfriends, immediately notice over dinner that Billie was miles away, Cordelia gently taking her hand and encouraging her to open what had been bothering her for days now. And Billie was much more open compared to you, sharing her worries and what had happend, her two girlfriends listening intently. The medium hadn‘t stopped talking about you since you began working for her, telling them all about you, how she was fascinated by you and the two of them could tell she had grown a liking towards you as Billie never usually gushed about anyone like that, having been nothing but loyal in this relationship so far and changing her earlier antics in life especially when it comes to love and relationships.

The three of them had met through Billie‘s work, her and the headmistress of Miss Robichaux‘s Academy having made a few brief encounters before as well as Cordelia and Wilhemina from their past. A mutual dinner reunited them and introduced Billie to Wilhemina and after some months, one thing led to another and ever since then they had been official, sharing a home and their lives together, despite their respective and demanding careers. „Why don‘t we invite her over for dinner? I would love to get to know her“ Cordelia encourages, having made enough eye contact with Wilhemina to have the redheads consent as she equally had grown curious about the girl that Billie kept talking about.

„You‘re sure?“ Billie asks, both excitedly but also a little nervous which rarely happened with the medium. „What if she finds this weird?“ the blonde asks, abandoning their gazes. „Why darling? because she has a big crush on you and the feeling is mutual“ Wilhemina smirks, having been with the two of them long enough to see life a little more easier and casual than years before when she first met them and still carried the burdens that her life had put on her. „You know I would never-„ Billie begins but Cordelia shakes her head, squeezing her hand a little tighter. „We know love, but you both seem to care about each other and I really want to meet her if she feels comfortable“ the supreme encourages and Billie simply nods, smiling to herself a little before moving on with her evening.

The next day carries on it it‘s usual rhythm, picking up your bosses coffee order, before working on some emails and phone calls, arranging some meetings for Billie‘s promo tour before picking up her lunch order and following her around for the rest of the day while she is filming. Only in the evening, the two of you manage to actually talk as everyone had left for the night as Billie goes over her emails one more time while smoking a cigarette. „Is there anything else I can assist you with?“ you ask with your notebook neatly wrapped in your hand as you slip inside her office. „Yes darling, what are you doing on friday night?“ she asks curiously, as she stops the typing on her computer. The nickname sends you right into a spiral but you choose to ignore it, before furrowing your eyebrows. „Nothing, did I miss anything on the filming schedule?“ you ask wondering why she may need you to work late.

„Would you be free for dinner?“ she asks curiously, causing your cheeks to glow red as you sigh. „Billie-„ you begin but she cuts you off as she stands from her chair, abandoning her cigarette in a nearby ashtray. „Look I know that you saw these“ she points towards the flowers, getting straight to the point. „But it‘s a little more complicated than that.“ she explains but you shake your head, not in the mood for what she is about to suggest. „Look Ms. Howard, I‘m sorry but I can‘t do what you are asking me to. I can‘t go on a date with you while you are in a relationship“ you blurt out, missing the little smirk creeping up on her features. „Darling, I‘m not asking you on a date“ she clarifies, causing your cheeks to burn hot in embarrassment. Your mouth forms into an „o“ shape before she puts you out of your misery.

„It is true, I‘m in a relationship with two women but I like you and I have told them about you and they would like to get to know you, no date, just get to know my best assistant so far“ she clarifies and you try and look away, trying to cover both your embarrassment and the arousal at her mentioning two women instead of one, having been unsure of her exact sexuality so far and only assuming from your research. „Is that something you would like?“ she asks and despite your inner self screaming at you to decline, you find yourself nodding your head, causing her wide smile to spread across her features before her heels tap excitedly on the floor. „Great, 8pm and you know the adress of the academy?“ she questions and you nod before you both head home for the night.

Friday came much quicker as you had never really calculated how it was already wednesday when she asked and suddenly you find yourself in front of the large black iron gates, shortly after the front door, your palms sweaty, heart racing through your chest and your fist hovering above the door, too shy to knock, considering whether to simply run away and start a new life somewhere. But before you could even think about it further, the front door opens and the woman you had seen when doing your research stands before you, blonde hair just like Billie but longer, fuller and richer. Her aura is breathtaking, she is wearing some long flowy black pants, some boots and a blouse with some flowers. The scent of both cooking and vanilla and honey instantly greet you and you stand there shocked for a moment as if an angel had just greeted you to heaven.

„Hi there“ she greets you with a bright smile that could turn even your darkest of days brighter. „You must be Y/N, please come in“ she offers and you snap out of it, smiling politely before thanking her. „I‘m Cordelia and this is Miss Robichaux‘s Academy“ she explains as she leads you past the living room and into the kitchen with a large dining space. Inside the kitchen you are greeted with a largely decorated table, some flowers and enough wine on the table to last for several days. The scent of whoever‘s cooking this is makes your mouth water and you only then notice another presence in the room, still not Billie but you catch a glimpse of her smoking outside which was typical for your boss. „This is Wilhemina Venable“ Cordelia introduces you before she walks away to take care of the cooking for a moment longer.

„Hi, it‘s so nice to meet you, I‘m Y/N“ you introduce yourself, again forcing yourself to snap out of this and remain polite. The woman with red hair stands, holding onto a cane as she takes your hand, her eyes searching yours for a moment. Again you are taken back by her hair, the lilac coating her features and how she seemed different than the two, more mysterious, more private but yet inviting and strangely safe. You hold onto her hand way too long before you snap out of it, Billie‘s presence finally causing you to let go of the woman‘s hand. „Hi“ she beams, ushering you to sit before she pours everyone some wine and hands you a glass. „You aren‘t allergic to anything are you, darling?“ Cordelia asks and you shake your head before she begins serving you and you nervously take a rather large sip of wine, trying to calm your nerves a little bit.

Dinner begins casual and you are so glad about that, being able to get used to their intimidating presences despite their friendliness. But being around three gorgeous woman, one you undeniably had a crush on made you more nervous than you could ever admit. They begin to talk casually about their day, including you before they begin asking you some questions, enough to learn more about you but not enough to make you uncomfortable or make this seem like an interview. Cordelia asks about your upbringing, Billie wanting to know more about your profession and career before working for her and Wilhemina more curious about the things you enjoy, occasionally teasing how you managed to stay Billie‘s assistant for the last few months as she undeniably was demanding, which made Billie scoff but the rest of you three chuckle.

„So tell me, where do you live if you are new to New Orleans?“ Cordelia asks curiously and Billie nods then, only now having realized she had no idea where you lived or how far you had to commute to work every day. You suddenly pause, your bubbly and open conversation from before now a little more shy which doesn‘t go unnoticed by them. „I live nearby the office“ you explain, taking another sip of wine, not really wanting to get into that. „Which area?“ Wilhemina asks curiously, having noticed your uncomfortable posture but wanting to draw the answer from you nevertheless. „I live in a hotel“ you admit, knowing there was no point in denying this, especially after learning one of these woman is a witch and could probably for all you know read your thoughts and worse.

„What?“ Billie blurts out in shock, almost choking on her wine. „Why is that sweetie?“ Cordelia asks curiously, already so used to your presence that she never even realized the pet name. „When I moved here and even before I spent every hour of every day trying to find something but someone always beat me to it and so I had to choose between this mouldy basement or a hotel nearby and so I opted for that“ you admit, feeling a little embarrassed considering how the three of them had their lives together so well and yet here you are living in a hotel. „Why didn‘t you say anything?“ Billie asks almost a little furiously, before shaking her head disapprovingly. Cordelia glances at Wilhemina, the two of them always seeming to share the same thoughts. „We have plenty of rooms if you need“ she offers but you shake your head. „Oh I couldn‘t but thank you“ you explain.

„Well I have plenty of contacts so remind me on monday and we will find something“ Billie encourages before the redhead changes the subject which you are glad about, this having taken you off guard a little and undeniably making you feel a little shy and embarrassed. After some more desert and wine and hours of talking in the comfort of each other- which you never thought possible when walking into this place hours before- you are finally ready to head home. Billie parts ways with a hug, telling you how glad she is you could make it. Wilhemina gives you a friendly hand shake and Cordelia just opts to hug you before reassuring a million times that you could still drive and didn‘t need a taxi or help getting home. They made you promsie to text Billie when you are home safe and you agreed.

By the time you collapse into bed, sending your boss a quick text that you had made it home safely, your whole world feels upside down. Not only have you just had dinner with your boss who you had been falling for but also her not one but TWO girlfriends who are more gorgeous than the other. You couldn‘t shake the still lingering attraction towards Billie, how interesting Wilhemina was and how Cordelia was undeniably the sun. All evening, you had forced yourself to push the lingering thoughts away but as you lay in your bed staring at the ceiling, you can‘t help but think a little further about those three, wondering about their dynamics and thinking about how lucky they are to have found each other, knowing you would have to push your feelings for Billie away now, seeing her in a healthy and happy relationship with those two amazing women.

And so in the next few weeks you decide to move on with your life, focusing more on yourself outside of work, rather than cry at silly romantic movies after working and thinking of her. Of course you still felt for her but you wanted her to be happy but somehow you had made that bet without them. They invited you over for dinner more, feeling bad you had to eat on your own in that hotel, Cordelia showing you more around the academy and slowly revealing her witchcraft to you, which had you stunned. Wilhemina enjoyed the more quieter side of it all and after she had discovered your love for books, she often invited you to her private library within the coven, showing you original pieces that you had wanted to read for ages, allowing you to borrow whatever you may need, knowing you will always bring them back to her. And Billie would take you out outside of work more, brunches, breakfast, walks with her two girlfriends on the weekend.

After a few months of this, you finally felt like belonging somewhere, they had taken you in, always offering to let you sleep over at the coven and you accepted sometimes, especially after long movie nights with them or when having dinner and drinking way too much after and giggling until the late hours of the night with them. Eventually they knew everything about you, your passions, the things that made you smile, make you frown and make you cry. And you knew everything about them, Billie's courage and her obsession with shopping, which you had known before but after seeing her walk in wardrobe you realised the extent. You knew every detail about Cordelia, her upbringing, her witchcraft and how powerful she truly was, having shown you her magic more than once now, the two of you liking spending time in the greenhouse together. And Wilhemina had been bruised and beaten by life, her condition often causing her so much pain and you admired her courage, never having seen her sad before, never complaining and remaining strong despite life's challenges.

And until lately, you had been so caught up in the daze of it all, working for Billie and spending most of your free time with them that you never really realised how they would look at you. How Wilhemina would glance at you when you watched a movie together and how every single word coming out of your mouth was true perfection. How Cordelia's hands would so often linger on you, the feeling so safe and comforting that you never questioned it to begin with. And at last there was Billie who was ready to give you the entire world, her eyes sparkling in that same way when she had met Cordelia and Wilhemina. Maybe it was due to the type of their relationship, never thinking about them adding another person, let alone knowing whether that could work, but you had been so oblivious to it all and never noticed how just like you, they had been slowly falling for you.

It was late one night when you all had drank too much wine, Billie standing outside, the moonlight illuminating her features as she giggled and struggled to light her cigarette and you gladly assisted her, giggling alongside her. She suddenly got serious, looking at you with an expression that you didn't notice due to your state. ,,How come you don't have a special someone in your life?'' she asked out of the blue and you simply shrugged, unsure how to answer her question. ,,Have you ever considered looking beyond societies relationship standards?'' she asked but the two of you had been interrupted by Cordelia before you could answer and it never struck you all that much until a few weeks later.

The three of them noticed their mutual liking to you, instantly realising how well you fit with them, how your presence only completed them each in their own way and they couldn't hide the attraction towards you any longer. And so they had a long conversation about this, never having thought about adding another person and worrying what that may do to the nature of their relationship but they had talked it out, each of them just as willing and truly just as in love with you. And so they had asked you for dinner again, this time not at the academy but a place that they chose. And when you looked up the place and seeing how fancy it was, you know you needed to look presentable and so you had spent all day, dressing up for them, doing an extensive everything shower and adjusting yourself in order to remotely match their class and beauty.

,,Hop in babydoll'' Billie smiled as she pulled up in her car, Wilhemina and Cordelia meeting you there. ,,Wow'' she smiled as you sat beside her and she could get a proper look at you. ,,You look beautiful'' she praised, causing your cheeks to blush. And tonight was the first night where you couldn't be oblivious any longer to your own feelings. Seeing the three of them sitting beside and opposite you at dinner, the classy atmosphere only adding to their beauty. You couldn't deny how beautiful Wilhemina looked in her lilac dress, how Cordelia's smile lit up the whole restaurant and how undeniably attractive Billie looked tonight and how all sorts of thoughts linger on your mind. You had been clouded by finally feeling life and it's beauty in the last few months that only tonight you seem to realise your feelings for each one of them and the realisation startles you mid dinner, causing their voices to suddenly be muffled, your heart beating out of your chest and fighting the urge to cry, realising you could never have what they have.

Cordelia is the first one to notice, seeing your features drop, from the comfortable chatter and your smile, suddenly seeming so lost in your thoughts and her eyebrows furrow in that all too familiar way. ,,Darling, are you alright?'' she asks and despite them having used all sorts of pet names on you, tonight again you only seem to realise properly as it stings when you hear it leave her mouth. ,,I'm fine'' you muster up your best smile, focusing on your meal and engaging in their conversations in order to get through the night. And despite Cordelia's rule to never invade anyone's thoughts, your thoughts seem to linger on her mind as she hears your doubts, feels the sadness radiating off her and she glances at Wilhemina and Billie before giving them a signal. They had planned to bring this up with you tonight, planning to do it much later which causes the redhead and blonde some confusion but the supreme insists.

,,Y/N.. we meant to talk to you about something'' Cordelia begins before your attention focuses towards her, placing your knife and fork down as you had just finished your meal. ,,Of course'' you give her your attention, suddenly feeling the nerves at the seriousness of her tone. ,,We are so glad that Billie decided to introduce you to us darling, we really enjoy your company and we hope you feel the same'' she smiles and you return the smile before agreeing ,,Of course I do''. There is some silence before their eyes meet each other, unsure who was going to do the next part but Wilhemina takes over. ,,Now, we all know how you feel about Ms. Howard over here'' she smirks, causing your cheeks to burn red a little as it had become a bit of a joke between the four of you. ,,But if we aren't wrong, we think you may feel the same about us, little one?'' she asks, so gentle, so carefully as if you are the most fragile thing on the planet.

For a second your words get caught in your throat, feeling yours nerves but Billie's hands, who sits beside you, find yours underneath the table, holding it in place and making you feel safe. ,,Would it be bad if I do?'' you ask carefully, almost whispering, hoping you aren't reading this wrong and knowing you owe them honesty. ,,Quite the opposite babydoll'' Billie reassures, almost beaming at you a little before she carries on. ,,We like your company and to be honest, the three of us are a little crazy about you'' she admits and Cordelia and Wilhemina simply chuckle at Billie's word choice, despite the truth in it. ,,And we have talked this through for a while now, if you feel the same, we..'' she carries on but suddenly stops, unsure how to actually finish this sentence in order not to overwhelm you.

,,All Billie darling is trying to say is we like you a lot sweetie and if you feel the same way, we'd be so happy to explore this with you, see where it goes and welcome you into our home and hearts'' Cordelia finishes, her eyes slightly shining with tears, already knowing how you feel inside and hoping sincerly they aren't overwhelming you with this. And suddenly you sit there, your beautiful boss medium to the stars holding your hand with her two gorgeous partners as they offer you the world. Everything you had secretly wanted, every feeling you had been pushing down and pretended just simply didn't exist. They had been welcoming you into their lives months ago without question. spending their time and effort on you, and right now they are offering you the world and it causes you to freeze for a moment, unable to believe this isn't one of your dreams at night or even daydreams.

Your eyes meet both Cordelia and Wilhemina's, making sure they aren't kidding or messing with you but the honesty in their eyes and the glimmer of hope only confirms their statements from before. ,,All you have to say is yes to trying little one'' Wilhemina encourages, knowing this must be scary. ,,We will take it at your pace'' Cordelia encourages. And suddenly you smirk, unable to hide how you are truly feeling for a moment longer. ,,Yes'' you confirm and they all sigh in relief a little, Billie squeezing your hand a little tighter. ,,How about some champagne or dessert to celebrate?'' the medium offers and you suddenly find yourself glancing at her with an expression neither of them can quite make out. You lean in, your shy side suddenly gone, not able to hold this back any longer and wanting to feel what you had wanted for months now. Neither Cordelia or Wilhemina can quite make out what you are whispering in the mediums ear but from her both shocked and surprised reaction, they can only guess.

,,Right, seems like we are getting the bill and celebrating at home'' she reassures, coughing a little from your boldness and Wilhemina can't help but smirk, having assumed there was this side to you, having seen your lingering gaze on Billie's ass whenever she swayed her hips, seeing the way you look at Cordelia and herself and knowing exactly what you wanted, hence your choice of dress tonight. ,,Alright, let's take you home then little one'' the redhead confirms. And so within months your world had turned upside down, the job advert saving your life quite literally and giving you anything you could have ever wanted and dreamed of and so much more. And tonight you didn‘t hold back anymore, didn‘t hide your true feelings and let go, saying yes to them, saying yes to what you knew was going to be heaven.

#sarah paulson #cordelia goode #wilhemina venable #asks #ahs #american horror story #billie dean howard #sarah paulson x reader #anon #cordelia goode x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #billie dean howard x reader #ahs coven #ahs apocalypse #ahs murder house

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saberlight1 · 1 year ago

Text

— who i write for

disclaimer: most of my stories are fem!reader, but i will write gender neutral, just let me know. i write angst, fluff, and smut. i am a bisexual female, so i will write about both female and male characters. i am mostly comfortable with writing anything, so don’t be afraid to send in whatever you’d like. my inbox is always open for anything, you can write your thoughts on characters, shows or movies, or my works! much love!

masterlist

supernatural —

dean winchester

sam winchester

castiel

the hunger games —

peeta mellark

finnick odair

katniss everdeen

coriolanus snow

lucy gray baird

tigris snow

johanna mason

billy the kid —

billy bonney

jesse evans

harry potter —

remus lupin

sirius black

james potter

lily potter

bellatrix lestrange

blaise zabini

tom riddle

regulus black

yellowjackets —

lottie matthews

natalie scatorccio

taissa turner

shauna shipman

van palmer

travis martinez

jackie taylor

red dead redemption —

arthur morgan

sadie adler

john marston

charles smith

karen jones

star wars —

anakin skywalker

padme amidala skywalker

ahsoka tano

luke skywalker

leia organa skywalker

the last of us —

ellie williams

joel miller

tess servopoulos

dina phantasmagoria

jesse jeon

the walking dead —

maggie rhee

rick grimes

daryl dixon

shane walsh

michonne grimes

glenn rhee

rosita espinosa

negan smith

tara chambers

king ezekiel

sasha williams

magna

marvel —

wanda maximoff

pietro maximoff

natasha romanoff

yelena belova

bucky barnes

tony stark

scott lang

steve rogers

frank castle

bruce banner

ava ‘ghost’ starr

loki laufeyson

king valkyrie

sam wilson

marc spector

steven grant

layla abdallah el-faouly

matt murdock

miles morales

miguel o’hara

hobie brown

carol danvers

peter parker

gamora zen titan

peggy carter

king t’challa

game of thrones / house of the dragon —

daemon targaryen

rhaenyra targaryen

laena velaryon

jon snow

harwin strong

alicent hightower

sansa stark

helaena targaryen

criston cole

jacaerys velaryon

daenerys targaryen

euphoria —

rue bennett

jules vaughn

elliot hill

lexi howard

fezco o’neill

maddy perez

chris mckay

daisy jones and the six —

daisy jones

warren rhodes

graham dunne

eddie loving

camila dunne

karen sirko

outer banks —

jj maybank

john b routledge

kiara carrera

pope heyward

sarah cameron

cleo grant

shameless —

carl gallagher

fiona gallagher

lip gallagher

veronica fisher

kevin balls

svetlana yevgenivna

more to come!

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dreamypqulson · 2 years ago

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— love you to the moon and to saturn

requested by anon: begging for anything with billie <33 maybe some angst/fluff where billie gets insecure abt the age difference and reader reassures her how much she loves her only wants to be with her

pairing: billie dean howard x reader

word count: 1400

It was absolutely appalling.

When Billie agreed to come along to your high school reunion, she didn't expect people to be all over you. She expected that you had a couple friends you would talk to throughout the night, but she did not anticipate them to be so touchy. Although it was just bitterness and she knew it; she was jealous.

Billie suddenly felt so insecure. Everything that she was not. Like a dog in a cage of cats; she just felt out of place.

She graduated high school many years before everyone in this room had. Even though the old graduates had their partners accompany them, she realized that she was still, perhaps, the oldest woman in the room.

You still made it a point to introduce Billie to all of your old friends and acquaintances. You weren't aware of your girlfriends insecurity about the age gap. It typically doesn't bother her; you constantly make her feel so beautiful that she completely forgets the difference between you two.

Billie was always confident and her demeanor hardly ever faltered. She always made sure that people knew you were hers. But right now, her voice got caught in her throat as your friends hand squeezed your thigh.

She cleared her throat, swallowing down the lump. She was just appreciative that you were finally saying your goodbye’s to everyone. As fun as you had, you much rather spend the rest of the night with Billie. You probably wouldn't talk to any of them after tonight anyways.

In the car, Billie's knuckle turned awfully white from the grip she had on the steering wheel. You couldn't tell if she was angry or just trying to hold back tears. Either way, you knew something was bothering her, you just didn't know what.

You looked over at her but she didn't look back. You knew, though, that she could feel your gaze. She was just simply choosing to ignore you. "Are you okay?"

"Yes i'm fine," she said flatly, but not unkindly She was clearly not fine but you opted to not push her. If she wants to talk, she will. Nagging her will only make it worse.

You made it home in unusual silence. The engine stopped and it made it feel like the whole world paused for a moment. At this point, it was dark, and you could only see Billie with the moonlight shining through the car windows.

For a moment, Billie's expression softened and you thought she would finally open up. Instead, she got out of the car and let herself in the house. For the rest of the night, she wouldn't speak to you. She slept on the edge of the bed, the space between you both felt like miles and miles. And as much as it hurt, you let her be alone with her thoughts.

The next morning, you woke early with the birds. Billie was mostly an early riser and you wanted to be sure that you beat her to it. You cautiously got out of bed, careful not to wake her. You threw on a light sweater and slipped on a pair of sandals.

You could still hear gentle breaths coming from the other side of the room, and so you tipped toed out and slowly shut the door.

A warm late spring breeze casted over you. The sun shined a bright golden haze over the freshly planted flowers. You hair blew in multiple directions but you flattened it back down. You had to quickly get going before Billie awoke alone.

By the time you made it to the flower shop, only ten minutes had passed. The sweet scent of the seasons new flowers consumed you. You walked over to the corner of the store where the pink and white cosmos were. You knew those were one of Billies favorites. You picked up the freshest bouquet of them, tied off with a baby pink bow.

Your next stop was the store just across the street; the one filled with the finest chocolates for your perfect woman. You picked out a small red box; a mix of dark and milk chocolate.

By the time you arrived back at home it was only a quarter till eight; you new Billie would be awake any moment now. You rushed back into the house and slipped your sandals off. When you made it back into the bedroom that you shared, the older woman was already beginning to stir.

The soft sun was shining through the sheer curtains, illuminating her gentle features and golden hair. Her silly, blush pink pajamas shimmered in the lighting.

You walked towards the bed and sat on the edge, gifts still in hand. A single brown eye cracked open when she felt fingertips running up and down her bare arm. For a moment, she completely forgot that she was upset. A soft grin settled on her rosy lips.

“Good morning, beautiful,” your voice came out as a mere whisper. She slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position, not yet speaking back to you. Instead, her gaze adverted to the flowers and chocolate in your hand. “Um, you seemed…upset last night so I— I went out this morning and got you this.”

Her bottom lip trembled. Billie Dean was not much of a crier but this was too sweet, too genuine. You extended the gifts to her and she took them from you. “You woke up early to do this for me?” Her voice shook with emotion. Her glassy eyes finally looked back up at yours.

You nodded you head, lightly smiling at her. “I just love you a lot and I hate when you’re sad and hurting.” You still yet to know what she was exactly upset about, but whatever it was, must’ve deeply effected her.

“It’s beautiful. Come here,” she whispered and pulled your face closer to hers. You met her in a gentle, passionate kiss. She tasted sweet; like strawberries and, god, did you miss her in the few hours that she distanced herself. “It’s really hard to be upset when you treat me like this, you know.”

“Why were you upset? Did I do something or say something because you can tell me and I—” eagerly asking the question you've been putting off since last night, she ended your frantic rambling with another simple kiss. You softly sighed into her mouth.

"It's not you," she said, closing her eyes and inhaling a deep intake of air. "It's not you, sweetheart. You didn't do anything wrong. It's me."

You noticed a glistening tear sliding down her cheek. You pouted at her, the familiar feeling of hurt in your heart whenever she was upsetting made itself visible. You reached your hand out to cup her cheek, catching every tear that would dare to spill. "Please tell me what's wrong. I want to help you with whatever it is, my love."

"God, it's— it's pathetic," she let out a frustrated huff, aggravated with her emotions and the situation. But you just shook your head and brushed your thumb over her rosy cheek to let her know that it’s okay, I won’t judge. “It’s just…those woman at the reunion last night. They were all over you and it made me realize that you deserve better, someone younger than me. I’m just so old and i’m holding you back from—”

“Hey, hey,” you cut her off now, “that is not true. None of it is true.” You grabbed one of her hands and held it in yours. “Yes, they were all over me. You’re right and I should’ve told them to stop because I was uncomfortable and i’m sure you were too. But just because they are younger does not mean a single thing. You’re my whole world.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head, in disbelief that you could possibly be right about this. “Hey, listen to me. I love you. All of you. Every single thing about you. I don’t care if you were one hundred years old or the same age as me. It doesn’t matter because I love you.”

Tears ran heavier down her face and so you pulled her closer, wrapping her up in your arms. “I love you so much, honey” she said, “to the moon and to Saturn.”

“I love you too. To the moon and to Saturn.” She lightly giggled at you and pulled back to kiss you again. You can’t get enough of her. “Now what do you say we have some of these chocolates for breakfast?”

taglist: @loverofallthingssarah @goodeday2u @lanawinters-ily @strawberryshorttcakkee @sapphicforsarahh @ahsfan05 @stayevildarling @isle-of-earle @cordithatgurl @mistysswampmud @billiedeansbitch @billiedeanspearls @cigaretteology @favoriteredhead @lovingsarah @cordeliass @citizenoftheworld-stuff-blog

message me or send an ask to be added to my taglist!

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briaroftheroses · 9 months ago

Text

Request Rules

I’m finally getting around to writing out my request rules! If you would like to request a fic, hc set, drabble, etc. please read over these rules before submitting. Please also check this post regularly as I will add things as I go.

Things I Will Write For

Fem/GN reader, smut, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, dark themes/fics, praise, degradation, use of strap ons, p in v, creampies, throat fucking, both m and f receiving oral, multiple characters in one fic, choking, impact play, dacryphilia, pain play, bondage (nothing with legs specifically being restrained though), blood play (mostly only for AHS fics), d/s dynamics, BDSM, dub-con/non-con, piss, boot play/worship - feel free to ask about kinks not listed here because there is no way i named them all

Things I Will Not Write For

Male reader, character x character with no reader, beastiality, pedophilia, scat, underage characters (except platonically), gore and non-canon character death (except for in the case of things like murder house and hotel in which they would become a ghost), real-life people (such as actors), even though I might write for dom reader please do not request it.

If there’s anything not mentioned here, feel free to ask before making a request.

Specify the general length of the fic you want.

Please keep in mind that requests can take a while and I may switch between writing them and my own personal projects.

Keep in mind that if you’re vague with the description then I am less likely to write what you imagine and it will take me longer.

When asking about unlisted characters, please include the type of fic you would like to request with them.

Characters I Write For

Evan Peters

Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Kai Anderson, Austin Sommers (please no spoilers in the requests for any characters after Hotel), Peter Maximoff, Warren Lipka, Luke Cooper - feel free to ask about any others that aren’t here

AHS

Vivien Harmon, Violet Harmon (platonically), Billie Dean Howard, Alma Walker, Lana Winters, Sister Mary Eunice McKee, Zoe Benson, Marie Laveau, Madison Montgomery (depending on the request), Cordelia Foxx/Goode, Misty Day, Fiona Goode, young!Fiona Goode, Amazon Eve, Desiree Dupree, Edward Mordrake, Dandy Mott, The Countess, Sally McKenna, Ramona Royale, Winter Anderson (please no spoilers in the requests for any characters after Hotel) - feel free to ask about any others that aren’t here

Matthew Gray Gubler

Spencer Reid, Chip Taylor, Thorn (King Knight), Raymond (Suburban Gothic), Wes (Dollface), Paul ((500) Days of Summer) - feel free to ask about any others that aren’t here

Criminal Minds

Emily Prentiss, Aaron Hotchner, Penelope Garcia, Jennifer Jareau, Elle Greenaway, Cat Adams, Megan Kane - feel free to ask about any others that aren’t here

WWE

Rhea Ripley, Dominik Mysterio, TJD (only if including Rhea), Liv Morgan, Becky Lynch

this list will be updated regularly as i watch more shows/movies/seasons of ahs, so feel free to check regularly :) also feel free to ask about characters not listed, but there is no guarantee i will write for them.

#briars navigation #request rules

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kining-the-evil · 2 years ago

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Request- Open

Below the cut is information on how to request as well as my masterlist.

I give no permission for anyone to repost any of my works on anything. This is the only place my fics will be

Masterlist

Fandoms-

Agent Carter

Agents of shield

Avengers

Criminal Minds

Five Night at Freddy’s

Heathers(1988)

House MD

Hunger Games

Knives out

🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐

Characters I Write For-

Knives Out

Ransom Drysdale

Marta Cabrera

Agents of shield

Phill Coulson

Daisy Johnson

Leo Fitz

Jemma Simmons

Grant Ward

Al MacKenzie

Melinda May

Avengers

Tony Stark

Steve Rogers

Clint Barton

Natasha Romanoff

Bruce banner

Wanda Maximoff

Pietro Macimoff

Kate Bishop

Thor

Bucky Barnes

Vision

James Rhodes

Shuri

Valkyrie

Loki

Scott Lang

Agent Carter

Peggy Carter

Howard Stark

Criminal Minds

Spencer Reid

Aaron Hotchner

Penelope Garcia

Derek Morgan

Jennifer Jareau

Emily Prentiss

David Rossi

Heathers(1989)

J.D(Jason Dean)

Veronica Sawyer

Heather Chandler

Heather Duke

Heather McNamara

House MD(I’m on season five so this is subject to chance)

Gregory House

James Wilson

Lisa Cuddy

Eric Forman

Robert Chase

Hunger Games

Finnick Odair

Johanna Mason

Haymitch Abernathy

Katniss Everdeen

Peeta Mellark

Scream

Billy Loomis

Stu Macher

Dewey Riley

Randy Meeks

Sam Carpenter

Tara Carpenter(only after high school)

Mandy Meeks-Martin(only after high school)

Chad Meeks-Martin(only after high school)

Five Nights at Freddy’s

William Afton(both movie and game)

Michael Afton

Michael Schmidt(movie)

Vanessa(movie)

🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐

Situations I’ll Write-

Angst

Fluff

Smut

Yandere

Age regression

Parental

Omegavers

Plus size situations

Fem!reader

Masc!reader

Nonbinary reader

#masterlist #request #avengers #knifes out #heathers (1988)#agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#agent carter #house md #hunger games #five nights at freddy’s #criminal minds

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iliveformanyfictionalcharacters · 2 years ago

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Bee’s Masterlist

Last Updated - 10/14/23

Supernatural

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Fire and Fear - Sam has awful nightmares about Jess and Dean is there to help. (Angst)

Castiel

Gabriel

Rowena Mcleod

Crowley

Benny

Andy

Multiple

Criminal Minds

Aaron Hotchner

Spencer Reid

Penelope Garcia

Derek Morgan

Emily Prentiss

Multiple

Harry Potter

Young Sirius Black

Young Remus Lupin

Young James Potter

Cedric Diggory

Hermione Granger

Neville Longbottom

Luna Lovegood

Draco Malfoy

Harry Potter

Fred Weasley

George Weasley

Ron Weasley

Oliver Wood

Multiple

Confessions Of Love - Small stories about you confessing your love for HP characters. (Fluff)

The Walking Dead

Rick Grimes

Daryl Dixon

Death - The Greene Family farm was a miracle to everyone. Except for one person.(Angst)

Glenn Rhee

Multiple

Pirates Of The Caribbean

Jack Sparrow

Will Turner

Multiple

American Horror Story

Tate Langdon

Violet Harmon

Kit Walker

Lana Winters

Cordelia Foxx

Kyle Spencer

Misty Day

Zoe Benson

Blushing Butterflies -Zoe and the reader have massive crushes on each other, only Zoe doesn’t realize it because of the readers calm nature. (Fluff)

Jimmy Darling

James March

Elizabeth

Multiple

The Hobbit/LOTR

Thorin Oakenshield

Kili Durin

Fili Durin

Bofur

Bombur

Bifur

Dwalin

Balin

Oin

Gloin

Ori

Dori

Nori

Bilbo Baggins

Samwise Gamgee

Frodo

Merry

Elrond

Legolas Greenleaf

Tauriel

Multiple

HOO Books!Percy Jackson

Percy Jackson

Grover Underwood

Annabeth Chase

Hazel Levesque

Jason Grace

Leo Valdez

Piper McLean

Frank Zhang

Multiple

Marvel

Tony Stark

Steve Rogers

Bucky Barnes

Wanda Maximoff

Pietro Maximoff

Thor

Loki

Jack Thompson

Peggy Carter

Daniel Sousa

Howard Stark

Natasha Romanoff

Clint Barton

Sam Wilson

Bruce Banner

Peter Parker

Multiple

Stranger Things

Steve Harrington

Eddie Munson

Robin Buckley

Nancy Wheeler

Jonathan Byers

Argyle

Multiple

Horror

Paul

David

Dwayne

Marko

Michael Emerson

Michael Myers

Bo Sinclair

Flowers - Giving Bo the flowers you picked. (Fluff)

Vincent Sinclair

Lester Sinclair

Bubba Sawyer

Disabled S/0 - Bubba Sawyer with a S/O who uses a cane. (Fluff)

Nubbins Sawyer

Choptop Sawyer

Thomas Hewitt

Norman Bates

Billy Loomis

Stu Macher

Spooky Lovers - Just two people confessing their love during the spooky season (Fluff)

Randy Meeks

Tatum Riley

Brahms Heelshire

Billy Lenz

Tiffany Valentine

Carrie White

Multiple

Meetings - Meeting all the Lost Boys (Fluff)

Grease (Retired From Requests)

Danny Zuko

Kenickie

Putzie

Fear - Putzie has a nightmare and Danny gets worried. Platonic or Romantic; your choice.(Fluff)

Fever - Putzie is extremely sick and after trying to tough it out he seeks help from Danny and Sandy.(Fluff)

Date? - Putzie gets help from his friends to ask out his crush.(Fluff)

The Sting In His Heart 1/2 - Putzie’s been bullied his entire life, it’s been getting worse and worse with every school year. But now that he has four overprotective friends on his side, what's going to happen to those bullies? (Angst)

Blurb - (Fluff)

Doody

Sunny

Multiple

F.r.i.e.n.d.s.

Joey Tribbiani

The One With 7 Friends - What if there were seven friends, instead of six. And what if Joey finally found his match.

Chandler Bing

Ross Geller

Monica Geller

Rachel Green

Phoebe Buffay

26 notes · View notes

lotties-ashwagandha · 2 years ago

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AHS masterlist!

❈ = fluff, ★ = angst

cordelia goode

east of the sun, west of the moon ❈

it’s a high price for your luxury ★ ❈

billie dean howard

dior ❈

cursed (nsfw)

pride (nsfw)

audrey tindall

honey, honey (audrey x reader) ❈

sally mckenna

rock a little (sally x reader) ❈ ★

lovers live a little longer (sally x reader) ❈

ally mayfair richards

wilhemina venable

kermit can’t be your favorite muppet (wilhemina x reader) ❈

misty day

cry for the nightbird (misty x reader) ★

eternity shining (misty x reader) ❈

poly relationships

garden of eternal sunshine (cordelia x wilhemina x reader) ❈ ★

leo’s paradise (billie x wilhemina x reader) ❈

if anyone falls in love (billie x wilhemina x reader) ❈ ★

headcanons:

halloween with wilhemina 🎃 ❈

halloween with billie 🎃 ❈

halloween with cordelia, billie, and diane sherman 🎃 ❈

sally november fluff ❈

wilhemina venable is autistic

memes

one

two

three

#ahs #american horror story #sarah paulson #ahs fandom #sarah paulson x reader

47 notes · View notes

zamoimagines · 2 years ago

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UPCOMING WORKS:

AHS:

Cordelia Goode x Reader - next door neighbors plot, fluff (series)

Ally Mayfair Richards x Reader - post breakup plot, angst (oneshot)

Sally McKenna x Reader - breakup plot, angst (oneshot, potential series)

Sally McKenna x Reader - last great american dynasty inspired plot (taylor swift's folklore series)

Someone Else's Baby - Sally McKenna x Billie Dean Howard x Reader (chapter 3)

There's Your Trouble - Wilhemina Venable x Reader (chapter 3)

WWDITS:

Nadja x Reader - being hired as nadja's new act, potential smut (oneshot, possible series)

Nadja x Reader - taking care of blood drunk Nadja, fluff/smut (oneshot)

OUAT:

Regina Mills x Reader - arranged marriage plot, angst/fluff/smut (series)

Overall HCs for the women of OUAT (let me know if there are any characters ya'll want me to specifically include!)

CAOS:

Lilith x Reader - being the queen of hell's new pet, heavy smut (oneshot, potential series)

Lilith x Reader - sex dream plot, smut/fluff (oneshot)

Zelda Spellman x Reader - earworm plot, smut/fluff (oneshot)

MCU:

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - yandere plot, smut/angst (potential series)

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY:

Ava Coleman x Reader - flirting with the new girl, fluff/flirtation heavy (oneshot, potential series)

Melissa Schemmenti x Reader - having a crush, fluff/smut mentioned (headcanons)

Overall HCS of the women of Abbott

OCEAN'S 8:

Overall HCS of the women of Ocean's 8

Lou Miller x Reader content (TBD)

OWL HOUSE:

Eda Clawthorne x Reader content (TBD)

RUN:

Diane Sherman x Reader - greta (2018) inspired plot, dark!fic/angst (series)

WEDNESDAY:

Wednesday Addams x Reader content (TBD)

Morticia Addams x Reader content (TBD)

NATIONAL TREASURE: EDGE OF HISTORY

Billie Pearce x Reader content (TBD)

Overall HCs of the women of NTEOF

STAR TREK DISCOVERY:

Phillipa Georgiou x Reader content (TBD)

Overall HCs of the women of Discovery (any in particular that ya'll want me to include, please let me know!) DESCENDANTS:

Overall content (TBD)

Disney's ZOMBIES:

Overall content (TBD)

#meal planning (queue)#have i got some DINNERS planned out for ya'll #stay tuned #admin post

43 notes · View notes

stayevildarling · 7 months ago

Note

Hi, I know you might be a little busy, so no rush. I wanted to ask you for a Cordelia x Wilhemina x Billie x Reader, where Reader after a run-in with witch hunters gets hurt and tries to hide it from her girlfriends, as she has always known how to take care of herself, but she may get sick at night and the girls trying to find out what's wrong with her discover the wound, a bit of angst with fluff at the end.

Thank you.

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Billie Dean Howard x Reader- Born to Die

A/N: I have no way of prioritising my requests at this point but I got this a little while ago and I just had to considering the angst 😩 special mention and thanks to @stepintomyworld who encouraged me to add more of the reader comforting the characters in this one 🫶🏻

word count: 8k

tw: mention of blood, mention of violence, mention of anxiety, angst

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay, @whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson, @isle-of-earle, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime

It had been a normal day so far, any normal weekend day at the academy really, most witches having gone to their families or doing some kind of activities outside of the coven, Billie, Cordelia and Wilhemina finally off work and enjoying the company of each other including you. Considering it was Saturday, you had been working in the greenhouse for a while, working on some spells and potions, preparing a class that was due teaching the following Monday.

Cordelia had been so incredibly busy, as well as the other two that you decided to head to the markets for her, despite Wilhemina and Billie offering the same but you always wanted to make sure that you took as much as possible off their busy plates. You couldn't begin to imagine how stressful it must be to be either of them. Billie constantly under the pressure of filming her show, chasing spirits and ghosts away. Despite her often joking about it and talking about the fun bits, you knew all too well about the deadlines that kept her up at night, as well as her high expectations of herself, as she always wanted to make her viewers happy. Let alone the spirits that would haunt her at night and visited her in her dreams and so it was a no brainer to help Billie out whenever you could.

The same with Cordelia, you knew how exhausting it must be to be the supreme, most powerful witch, the whole pressure of looking after every single one of her girls and the academy always heavy on her shoulders. And you knew that she also had some very high expectations, knowing that her mother often still haunted her and wanting so hard not to be like her and make the coven the place that she had always wanted. And so you couldn't help but take as many classes as possible off her plate, to the point where she wasn't part of the schedule anymore, and only taught occasionally whenever she felt like it or had some quiet time. In the evenings and afternoons, you would often help the supreme with anything that needed attending to, new applications, looking after some newcomers, anything to ease the weight of her responsibilities.

And at last you knew Wilhemina was no different, her career that she cared about so very deeply, having fought herself to the position she is in today. And despite her demeanour and her the one usually more quiet about those sort of things, you could tell how exhausting it must be at times, given her two idiot bosses that she would occasionally mention when talking about work, which was quite rare. And you knew about her expectations as well, wanting to be there for you three with all her heart, nothing ever too much for her. And in the process she often forgot to give herself that same kindness, gentleness and love. But you had taken that part a long time ago, knowing how exhausting the toll of Wilhemina's back was for her. And you always made sure to be a helping hand, as she would often find you being the one to schedule her doctors appointments, pick up her medication, prepare meals or baths for her. And she was reluctant at first, having only trusted Cordelia with those tasks so far, considering their dynamic and deep trust. But the one day she found out that you had taken over, she didn't even question it and ever since she would always show her appreciation through the love flickering in her eyes whenever they met yours. And that was all the thank yous that you had needed.

Your daydreaming comes to an abrupt stop, when you suddenly notice a shift around you. You had been done with all the stops, going from stall to stall and one shop with the list that Cordelia had given you, the weather had been lovely, warm as the sun was shining down on you, even causing you to take your cardigan off with the heat. However, as you walk down the long road towards the coven, it suddenly begins pouring down with rain, the sky filled with bright lightening and the sound of thunder startling you. And you could tell, somehow feeling it in your bones that something was off. You didn't have Cordelia's supreme senses but somehow you could always tell when something wasn't right, especially given the dramatic change in weather. As you stop walking for a moment, holding onto the shopping bags, you glance behind you, the pouring rain making it a little hard to see, but you wanted to check if there was some sort of danger as your body felt an odd sense of doom lurking nearby.

And out of the corner of your eyes, despite the pouring rain, you can see something. Your heart instantly stopping in your chest as you notice three dark shadows. Instantly your senses kick in as you think about what to do. It dawns on you that you had the strange feeling of being followed around the markets but you had brushed it off, maybe even foolishly. And then panic sets in as you decide what to do, should you run? maybe even teleport back to the academy? but at the same time you knew if you did that you would take them straight to the coven. And Cordelia had taught you all enough about the dangers that the academy faced at times that you for sure knew taking them there was an awful idea. But you couldn't think straight for a moment as your lungs force out some ragged breaths. And so you decide to cross the street, walking in the opposite direction, towards some crowds and people again, despite the heavy rain. Your hands were too full to call Cordelia and so the only thing you could do was close your eyes and focus on your magic without making it too obvious.

,,Cordelia?'' the supreme sits in her office, her eyes widening when she hears your voice in her head, the two of you mastering the ability of telepathy at this point as Cordelia had taught you a few years ago, a tool that would certainly come in handy now. As she balances on her feet, her movements rushed, Billie Dean is startled a little as the two of them had been talking in the supremes office, catching up about each other's week. ,,What is it?'' Billie asks, nervously, trying to read the blondes face. ,,Y/N, are you okay?'' she asks, closing her eyes as she sends the message to you. And as you hear her words repeat in your head, you doubt whether this was a good idea, whether getting them involved would even be smart and whether you might simply be paranoid. But as you turn around, the black shadows appear bigger, now only a few steps away from you, despite your best efforts. ,,Something is wrong, someone is following me'' you quickly think, sending a rush of adrenaline and panic across the blondes features yet again. ,,Where are you?'' she tries but you can't concentrate as the shadows grow even closer, the rain making it hard to walk, breathe or think as of right now.

And as Billie looks up at the supreme, she suddenly is left in shock as the blonde vanishes before her own eyes, knowing that she must have teleported somewhere but in utter horror and shock at the scene that unfolded and the lack of information she had on what was going on. As your breathing becomes more panicked, you suddenly stop as Cordelia appears in front of you, your eyes already brimming with tears. She stands in front of you, her gaze focused on you before she notices three men approach, almost reaching you two before she is quick to hold onto you, teleporting you both away from danger. ,,Wilhemina?'' Billie's voice rings through the quiet academy in the meantime. ,,Wilhemina?'' she tries again, the panic very noticeable in her voice and features. The redhead was currently sitting in her office, working through some last minute project when she hears her girlfriends voice in the hallway. And by the second time her name is called, she could tell something was off. And so she is quick to balance on her cane before finding a visibly shaken medium in front of her door.

,,What is it?'' she asks, her features stern, hiding her own concern. ,,It's Y/N and Cordelia'' Billie announces before they are startled with a noise coming from the supremes office. Billie's breath hitches as she makes her way over, Wilhemina following behind quickly, her cane echoing loudly through the quiet academy. As they approach the office, they find both you and the supreme there, you dropping the shopping bags, your clothes and face drenched with water from the pouring rain, your breathing hitching and Cordelia's worried expression. ,,What is going on?'' Wilhemina asks, her voice now matching Billie's hysteria from moments before. But you can't breathe yet and so you stand there frozen, pathetically trying to get your lungs to work, while Cordelia takes your cheeks into her hands, cupping them gently, wanting to coax you out of this so you could speak and fill them in.

It takes a few minutes before you manage to breathe and when you do the realisation that Cordelia had teleported you back ripples through you. ,,I.. I was at the markets and everything was fine but then it started thundering- and raining'' you begin, trying to focus to provide them with as much details as possible. ,,Men.. there were three men following me'' you finally speak. Billie and Wilhemina's faces change from concern to confusion, trying to understand your words. ,,It's fine darling, you are okay, you are home safe'' Cordelia tries, not understanding the full effects of the looming danger yet, Billie and Wilhemina equally confused but the redhead knowing you so well by now that she could tell there was something else on your mind. ,,What is it little one?'' she asks, as Cordelia instructs you to sit, your breathing again coming out hitched and panicked. ,,Witch- hunters... I think they may be... witch hunters'' you struggle before the realisation ripples through the three of them.

Cordelia's eyes widen, beginning to understand the full extend, internally scolding herself for not realising before, as she begins pacing, trying to think of something she could do, anything to keep the academy safe. ,,What makes you think that babydoll?'' Billie asks confused not necessarily understanding the connection. ,,It's.. I- I don't know, it's just a weird feeling I had'' you explain, glancing at Wilhemina who now stands beside you, one of her steady hands placed gently on your shoulder to tell you she is here and that she wasn't going anywhere. ,,I don't think you should have teleported us here Delia'' you begin, before she stops pacing to look at you. ,,I didn't teleport here for that reason'' you explain. ,,I think they watched me at the markets already, maybe they were looking for you'' you explain. Billie's heart sinks for a moment, before she connects the pieces ,,That could be possible, you go there every Saturday Delia'' she speaks, trying to control her emotions to stay on top of this.

,,If that is true, we may have just led them here'' you speak, not wanting to blame her whatsoever but more concerned with the wellbeing of your girlfriends and the witches left at the academy. ,,Shit'' the supreme curses, really not having thought that last bit through, the concern over you before too strong. ,,Okay we need to act fast, can you help me place another protection spell Y/N?'' the blonde asks, you quickly nodding and up on your feet before you abruptly freeze, startling all three of them. And then it's back, that odd feeling, the feeling of looming danger nearby, doom. ,,They are here'' you whisper, being able to feel their presence as they somehow get past the protection spells and enter the academy. ,,How many witches are here?'' you whisper, towards Cordelia. ,,Just the twins'' she explains, pointing at two rather new members. ,,Keep them safe, I'll look after these two'' you whisper, with quick words, the supreme hesitating for a moment before remembering your abilities and nodding, glancing at you three one more time before leaving.

And then you turn around, catching a glimpse of Wilhemina and Billie who both look utterly terrified. Billie shivering with fear, Wilhemina seeming more composed on the outside but her eyes spoke lengths. ,,Listen'' you whisper, barely audible ''I need you both to stay here while I find Delia'' you begin, but by their faces you could tell they would never let you do this willingly. ,,No way Y/N'' Billie scolds, shaking her head vividly at your suggestion. ,,I'll be two minutes'' you announce but you knew there was no way they would let you go, Wilhemina's angry eyes piercing straight through you. As you begin taking some steps towards the door, the redhead is quick to grab your arm, not letting you go under any circumstances considering the dangers. You nod before whispering ,,Let me put a protection spell on the door at least'' you whisper again, barely audible. They nod, Wilhemina letting go off you before you make your way to the door, closing your eyes, before chanting a strong protection spell, one that would make it impossible for anyone to enter and evenly them to get out.

,,I'm sorry'' you mouth the words before turning around and teleporting away from them, Wilhemina's cane banging in the process ,,Damn it'' Billie snaps, watching you escape their grasps. And with a swift motion, you find yourself downstairs by the staircase. The academy was dead silent and if it wasn't for your intuition, no one would know anything was off and that anyone had entered the usual safe walls of the academy. It was also incredibly dark, the only light source, the occasional lightening from outside, illuminating the usual bright academy. With careful steps, you walk towards the nearest wall, using your witchcraft to carry you further as you make it towards the hallway, now finally hearing some footsteps and being able to tell they weren't from Cordelia. Your brain blanks a little bit as you try to think what to do, whether you should guide them away from here, whether to confront them head on, knowing your powers would be more powerful than their weapons.

As you make it to a door, you poke your head around it, catching a glimpse of one of the shadows, dressed entirely in black before you raise your hand, making him fly across the room, hitting his back on a nearby wall, by the lack of noise assuming he was unconscious for now. ,,What was that?'' another dark low voice asks, making you halt your steps as he was much closer than you initially believed. ,,It's the witches'' another one speaks before you find another one approaching, walking towards the unconscious one. However before you can do anything, Cordelia startles you as you catch a glimpse of her sneaking down the staircase. As soon as her eyes land on you, her eyebrows furrow, brushing the thought away as one was very close to the supreme, his stupidity and the darkness causing him not to see her yet. With a swift motion, she has him equally by the nearest wall, his hands tied behind his back, his mouth covered, only letting the smallest, most pathetic noises escape.

Before you know it, you suddenly feel a sharp pain on the back of your head, before another one is added to your back, causing you to squint your eyes shut, the pain overwhelming you for a moment before you lose your balance. You watch as Cordelia approaches the two witch hunters on the floor, not having seen the third one evidently behind you. But as you watch him approach her, sneaking up behind her, you quickly focus on your magic, adding him to the pile of monsters on the floor, causing him to lose consciousness, dropping the weapons in the process. Cordelia gasps a little as she turns around, seeing you holding onto the nearest wall. And then as danger is averted, the sky fills with the same bright tones of yellow that it had before, the sun shining warmly, instantly illuminating the academy with light again. With a flick of your wrist you release the protection spell around Cordelia's office, knowing they would both be furious with you for this and not wanting to keep them locked in any longer, knowing danger was gone for now.

,,Are you okay?'' Cordelia asks, looking over to you, torn between running to you and checking on you and letting out her wrath on the three figures, knowing despite danger being averted for now, the real work would begin for the supreme now as she had to figure out whether they worked individually, whether they are a part of an organisation. Knowing she would need to take them to the council for further questioning, needing to figure out how they managed to get past the protection barrier of the academy. ,,I'm fine Delia, are you?'' you ask and she simply nods, before kneeling down, taking off one hood by one, trying to see whether she knew them, whether her magic could tell her anything about what had happened. And then as the throbbing pain returns in your back and head, you catch a glimpse of Billie running down the stairs, Wilhemina's cane echoing hard and loud against the marble floor, their faces filled with concern, fear and panic.

,,Is everyone okay?'' Billie asks, taking a step back when she notices the three figures on the floor. ,,All okay Billie'' Cordelia quickly announces, phone already in hand to alert the council about this, as well as Zoe. ,,What the hell was that?'' Wilhemina's angry voice rings through the air, only adding to the pounding in your head. You knew she was talking to you, you knew she was going to be furious with you and you knew it would need a lot of explaining, as she for sure wouldn't just accept your pathetic apology of wanting to keep them and the coven safe. As she descends the stairs, making her way over to you, your legs suddenly feel a little weak, face growing paler and you could definitely feel something warm running down your head, neck and back. ,,I'm so sorry Mina'' you apologise, closing your eyes to fight back the pain and brace for the impact of her words. ,,I just needed to keep you both safe'' you apologies again, and Billie is quick to shoot Wilhemina a glance, the glance telling her that this wouldn't be the right time now.

,,Y/N?'' Cordelia asks, causing you to open your eyes and look at her through your blurry vision. ,,Can you teleport one of them to the council with me? I'll take the other two'' she announces and you try nodding, quickly realising that was a mistake before muttering out a quick ,,Yes''. As you take some unsteady steps towards her, you brush past both Wilhemina and Billie who both look at you, as you try and muster up your best smile, hiding the pain, not wanting to worry them further. ,,We should be back in a few hours, but the coven is safe'' Cordelia announces, having now placed another protection spell around the walls of the academy. ,,Billie darling, can you check on the twins for me?'' she asks, Billie quickly nodding. You take one last glance at Wilhemina before putting your arm around one of them, glancing at Cordelia who gives you the signal to teleport.

And then again, the two of you, including the men are out of your girlfriends sights, Billie sighing before glancing at Wilhemina and making her way upstairs to check on the twins. Cordelia must have already alerted the council beforehand as when you arrive at another school for witches and warlocks, they are already waiting for you both. Both you and Cordelia are quick to hand the men over, the supreme already discussing with the witches and warlocks on what had happened. You pause for a moment, the pain now very evident as you search for the nearest bathroom, Cordelia not really noticing your absense as her main concern was the safety of the coven, assuming at first you were following behind her. It's not until she determinedly fills them in, turning around to speak to you when she notices your absence. Her features tense a little, eyebrows furrowing as she looks around the room, trying to find you among the council of witches and warlocks.

Meanwhile you had found the nearest bathroom, having been here a few times for some council meetings. As you balance on your tip toes with the last energy you have left, turning around, you lift up your shirt, revealing a significant wound and how your shirt was now mostly stained with blood. You had been so caught up in the hectic of things, wanting to keep the academy and your girlfriends safe that you had no idea what actually happened, but by the wound you assume it must have been some sort of knife as the bleeding wasn't stopping yet. Your hair is hiding the other wound, causing the throbbing headache but you couldn't move well and so all you can do for now is linger your hands over it, knowing your healing magic was nothing compared to Cordelia's but it would do for now. With a swift motion, you adjust your jacket, checking one more time for no obvious signs of injury before returning to the witches and your girlfriend.

Cordelia is content seeing you, taking a mental note to check in on you in a little while, still explaining the events that had taken place. It takes several hours, several attempts of a truth enhancing spell, making the men spill their intentions, actions. And it was slow, painful even but eventually, mostly with Cordelia's help they could leave the three of them with the council, leaving their faith in their hands after realising that they weren't a part of some bigger scheme, the three men operating on their own. And so in the end, it allows both you and Cordelia to finally head home, the sun having already set a while ago as the two of you finally teleport back to the academy. And the supreme had noticed, how quiet you had been, observing carefully from the back, answering some council questions here and there but wondering whether you simply felt guilty for what happened with Billie and Wilhemina or if maybe the events had traumatised you, still unaware of your injuries.

,,Sweetheart, are you alright?'' she asks, her features almost stern as she takes in your appearance and slightly pale expression. ,,I'm fine Delia'' you try to convince her with your biggest smile and if it wasn't for her own worries lingering on her mind, she would have noticed that it was forced, that in fact you aren't okay, simply hiding your true state in order to not make them worry. In fact the events lingered on her mind, causing her to feel guilty for not thinking this through before, how her concern over you had clouded her, how you had managed to sense the dangers but she hasn't. You could tell by the shaking of her hands and the guilt in her eyes that she felt awful, that she still didn't feel safe, that she was triggered by the events from today as they had happened in the past and taken everything from the blonde. And you didn't need to guess to know that she was thinking of her mother, that same voice back, reminding her how weak she was for not seeing this coming, how she didn't do enough to protect the academy in the first place.

As the two of you linger in the hallway, you can't help but stop her from sprinting upstairs to check on everyone yet. And so you step in front of her, meeting her brown concerned eyes before speaking softly. ,,Delia, hold on'' you speak softly, causing for her eyes to lock with yours. ,,Are you okay?'' you ask gently, your eyes pleading with her, telling her that you knew and that this was okay. She sighs then, doing that lip twitch thing, exposing her own vulnerability in this moment. ,,Come here'' you offer, opening your arms in an inviting way and with a sigh, she takes you up on the offer, almost collapsing into your arms as the weight slowly tumbles from her tense shoulders. ,,It's okay'' you reassure, squeezing her a little tighter to make sure she knew you are there and that you had got her. You ignore the throbbing pain in your back as her hands linger on it unknowingly.

As the two of you pull away after a while, you find her tear stained eyes and quickly wipe her cheeks. ,,You did great Delia, you protected us all'' you reassure before speaking again ,,And none of this is your fault'' you smile at her, before she can't help but chuckle. ,,How did you know that?'' she asks, almost a little shy and innocently before you raise an eyebrow. ,,Well duh Delia, I am a witch'' you grin, causing her to chuckle a little before pressing a kiss to your forehead. It doesn't take long before the two of you are interrupted, Wilhemina's cane and Billie's heels echoing through the large hallway, finding you both back home safe and sound. ,,Oh thank god'' Billie breathes out in relief, seeing you both back. She is quick to walk over to you both, pressing a kiss to your lips and equally the supremes moments later. And as Cordelia fills Billie in on what happened, answering every single one of her questions, you glance at Wilhemina, almost not daring to meet her eyes as the guilt from your earlier actions weighs heavily on your mind and heart.

However as you meet her eyes, her expression is much softer, forgiving almost and unbeknownst to you, Billie had already managed to calm the redhead down, telling her that if either her or the medium could have done what you did, they would have done it as well. Wilhemina not liking the thought of you putting yourself in danger, especially to protect them but knowing she would have done the same if her abilities had allowed her to. And so as you finally reach her, you feel the urge to hug her, looking up to meet her brown eyes. But as you glance up at her, you could see pain and as you observe a little closer, taking in her posture, you can tell her back was killing her. And it killed you truly, how much her back would continue burdening her, how stressful events like today especially took a toll on her. You hesitate for a moment, knowing you needed to play your cards right with this as your earlier actions still may have some anger lingering on her mind regarding that, possibly even you breaking her trust a little.

,,Are you okay, little one?'' she asks carefully, her voice hushed as Billie and Cordelia make their way into the kitchen, Billie already having prepared some dinner for the four of you. ,,Yes, I'm okay Mina'' you whisper, looking up as your guilty eyes meet hers again. ,,Are you?'' you ask and by the way she averted her eyes you could tell that she wasn't. ,,I'm sorry about earlier'' you apologise, the weight of the guilt almost feeling like dragging you down as well as the continued throbbing in your back and head. ,,It's okay little one'' she speaks softly as a little smile coats her features and you could tell she was being genuine and despite you wanting to explain further, you didn't feel like it as of right now, everything feeling a little much. ,,Dinner is ready you two'' Cordelia announces softly and you simply look at the redhead before following her into the kitchen. As you make it there, the light is dim, the only source some candles and the soft glow from the lamplight illuminating the kitchen. It smells heavenly and you chuckle internally for a moment, knowing there was no way Billie had cooked this and wondering if maybe Wilhemina had or whether the medium had ordered it.

Despite the feeling of normality and the events from today almost fading from your memory, you didn't feel like joining them, urgently wanting a shower and to wash away the reminders of the pain from today. The three of them notice your hesitation to sit down, and you avert their gazes before speaking ,,I- I was just going to shower if that's okay'' you announce and for the first time Cordelia really notices then that something was off with you, how quiet you had been and almost withdrawing a little. She stands up, quickly making her way over, taking in your features and noticing just how pale you are, how tired you seem. ,,Of course darling but are you okay?'' she asks, her eyes piercing through you. It takes all your strength to lie, despite hating it but you knew they each suffered today and you didn't want to add. And so you muster up your best smile, before assuring her that you are just fine and making your way upstairs. As they watch you leave, the concern lingers on their beautiful features, eventually fading a little as Cordelia fills them in on what the council and her had discovered, that the coven was safe.

As you stand in the shower, shivering a little at the cold sensation prickling at your skin, you can't help but see the pile of blood stained clothes on the floor, as well as the blood drawing out from the water, pooling by your legs. You almost feel sick at the sight, trying to turn towards the mirror but not being able to see. And so you reach for the back of your head, trying to figure out what had happened but it quickly turns out to be a mistake as the pain is so severe that it almost causes you to lose your balance altogether. In a pathetic attempt, you linger your hands over the back of your head, making the pain go away for now and causing for the blurring off your vision and the feeling of unsteadiness to go away. After finally making it out of the shower and into some clean clothes, you quickly hide all the evidence from your injuries, before making your way downstairs. You find Billie lingering outside the little backdoor and smoking, smiling at you as you pass her. Cordelia is cleaning some dishes, her features seeming a lot less tense and more relaxed now.

Wilhemina is still sitting at the table when you make your way over, gently placing some tablets next to her, knowing her back was definitely killing her by now. She meets your eyes, thankful yet hesitant of the gesture. ,,I ran you a bath Mina, it's ready upstairs for you if you'd like'' you explain hesitantly, unsure how she was going to take it. Cordelia smiles lovingly at you, appreciating your kindness and how nice you always treated them all. The blonde glances at Wilhemina, her eyes pleading her to soften up a little. The redhead nods, swallowing the tablets before giving you a warm smile and making her way upstairs. As you take a seat, you feel two warm arms wrap around you from behind and by the lingering sense of cigarettes and perfume you could tell it was Billie Dean. You ignore the piercing pain as she unintentionally leans her chin on your shoulder, sending waves of pain through your head and back, causing you to scrunch up. And this time, Cordelia picks it up, seeing your expression as she places a plate of food in front of you, her features instantly tensing.

,,Y/N?'' she asks carefully, her eyes meeting Billie's as yours shoot open a little, quickly trying to compose yourself. ,,What's wrong?'' Billie asks, moving away from you a little in order to see what was bothering you. ,,Nothing Delia, just tired'' you lie again, hating it regardless and your magic had alerted you a while ago that the supreme had tried entering your thoughts, you assume unintentionally as her magic sometimes did that, especially when worrying but you didn't want them to worry so you quickly muster up your best smile and eat the food that Cordelia had given you, hoping it would coax the concern from their features. As the night wears on a little while later, the three of you had decided to head to the bedroom a little earlier than usual, Billie retreating to another bathroom for a bit to finish her beauty routine while Wilhemina was finishing up in the bathroom. Cordelia checking on the remaining witches at the academy one more time and making sure all the doors are locked, windows are closed and the protection spell still strong.

When Wilhemina returns, you can tell that her features are much less tense, posture more stable as well and as she carefully moves to her side of the bed, Cordelia and Billie to your left. The redhead finds another sweet gesture on her night table, she finds that you had left her a glass of water, her nighttime medication and a heating pad so she could get a good nights sleep. And the gesture almost brings tears to her eyes, glancing at you to find you nestled next to Cordelia and Billie. The redhead is quick to get onto her side of the bed, next to you and appreciating your efforts and the pain slowly leaving her body. As you glance at Cordelia and Billie, you could tell that the supreme seemed much less tense now, of course the concern and events from today still lingered on her mind but she seemed calmer, Billie already dozing off a little while ago, her soft snores filling the room ever so quietly. As you turn around, you look at Mina, who you find smiling at you, her eyes piercing right through you as if they silently communicated with your own.

And again you felt the urge to hug her, to hold her close and this time she picks it up, lowering herself on the bed a little to get comfortable, heating pad tucked gently on her back. ,,Come here'' she offers and you comply, snuggling into her side as she wraps an arm around you, Billie subconsciously holding onto you as well as she spoons into you. ,,I'm sorry'' you whisper, almost inaudible but your girlfriend picks it up, looking at you, her eyebrow raised ever so slightly. ,,Why are you sorry little one?'' she whispers, almost a little confused. ,,I didn't mean to scare you before'' you admit, your eyes already brimming with tears, the events from today finally catching up on you. Her features soften before you speak again ,,I just wanted to keep you both safe'' you admit, meeting her brown eyes and she is quick to wipe your tears, keeping you comfortable. ,,I know little one, I know'' she reassures pulling you a little closer and holding you tight.

Eventually sleep washes over you, your eyelids feeling heavy and both Billie and Wilhemina's arms holding you close. It isn't until several hours later, when you wake up, feeling another shift in the air, feeling the medium shivering into your side. You are quick to turn around, face the blonde, ignoring the pounding headache and that same warmth lingering on your back. ,,Billie?'' you try softly, noticing her features tense, her whole body stiff and shivering, tears running down her cheeks and you quickly figured she was having a nightmare. ,,Billie'' you try again, glancing around you to find both your other girlfriends asleep. She wakes then, her eyes widening as more tears stream down her cheeks, but you are quick to wipe them away. ,,Shh'' you try soothing her, finding her hand underneath the blanket and holding onto her. ,,It's okay Billie, you had a nightmare'' you assure and the medium is quick to compose herself, usually denying the nightmares whenever one of you mentioned them.

You watch her hesitate, seeing the fight she was fighting internally of opening up. ,,What did you dream about Billie?'' you ask her carefully, smiling warmly at her before pulling her a little closer. And then it kinda bursts out of her, telling you how she was so scared of losing either of you, how brave you had been and glad she is that everyone is fine. And you hold her through every confession, every tear, every sob, before gently coaxing her back to sleep, whispering words of comfort and affection and how she isn't alone, how you are all right there for her. And it does take a little while but before too long her soft sounds fill the bedroom again and you sigh a little then, the pain now almost unbearable as that took any leftover strength you had. And then it kinda dawns on you that something was wrong, how the pain that you had been pushing away didn't feel normal.

With the last strength left, you somehow manage to force yourself out of bed, trying your best to stay as quiet as possible as you try to make your way to the bathroom, feeling the blood run down your neck and back but almost not feeling it as everything is spinning, your cheeks flashed hot and your vision blurry. Somehow you manage to find the bathroom, the light instantly startling you due to the bright sensation. And for a moment all you can do is close the door, sliding down the bathtub and sitting on the floor, trying to breathe. And it doesn't take long for Cordelia to wake up, hearing your footsteps and her supreme senses alerting her of something, despite her not too sure what that was just yet. The darkness causes her to reach for the light on her bedside, the bright sensation causing her to squint her eyes closed for a moment. She hovers above Billie, trying to find you on the bed but she finds your spot empty and as she moves, Wilhemina is also awake quickly, a light sleeper anyway.

Their eyes seem to linger on your pillow and where you had been laying before almost at the same time, noticing the red stained sheets and the lingering blood and their eyes widen then as they meet across the bedroom despite the darkness of the night. Cordelia's eyes widen as Wilhemina is already reaching for her cane, both quickly on their feet. The bathroom light peaks underneath the door as they walk towards it, Cordelia quick to speak first ,,Y/N, are you alright?'' she asks and when you hear her voice, despite it being faint, you could tell that there was no way you could hide this from them any further. In a pathetic attempt to make this any better, you try balancing on your feet but it's pointless and before you know it, both the blonde and redhead are already walking towards you, Cordelia quick to kneel beside you, Wilhemina lingering nearby, her face filled with concern and confusion.

,,What is it baby?'' the blonde speaks softly, her hands instantly wandering to your cheeks, seeing your pale expression. ,,What hurts darling?'' she asks again, her voice a little firmer this time as she could tell you are struggling to keep your eyes open, unaware that the last few minutes you had fought the battle of unconsciousness with all you have got. Wilhemina struggles to watch you like this, your face so neutral despite the very obvious pain lingering in your eyes. Meanwhile, Cordelia tries propping you forward, not being able to see any obvious signs of injury anywhere before she gasps seeing your back. The t-shirt you were sleeping in before, mostly stained in a crimson red and she panics then, not understanding at first what had happened and where this was suddenly coming from. ,,Little one, speak to us please'' Wilhemina ushers, the concern now very visible in her features and voice as she kneels down equally, leaning on her cane and if you could think clearly you would have scolded her, reminded her of her back but you couldn't think as the only thing on your mind was them. Little memories with them clouding your mind, causing you to forget about the pain for a moment.

Cordelia was usually the calm and composed one in these situations but somehow today had caused for her own anxiety to betray her as she helplessly looks at Wilhemina, unsure what to do. The redhead is quick to usher her to get you to lay down, as the blonde in a swift motion has you facing to your side, for the first time getting a good look at your injuries. And she gasps then, in disbelief and not remotely understanding where this came from. Towards the middle of your back a long deep cut is to be seen, Wilhemina balancing on her cane to get a look and despite remaining silent, her heart breaks at the sight. She has a feeling this may have happened today and how you continued powering through it all and not mentioning any of it and the redhead feels conflicted, seeing so much of herself in you but knowing the pain that burden carried and always having tried to protect you from just that.

The blonde is quick to hover her shaking hand over the wound, with a quick motion making it disappear altogether as her healing powers are quite strong, being the supreme and all. In anticipation she leans over your shaking body, noticing how you aren't quite with them still but on the first try, she can't seem to find any other obvious signs of injury. ,,Y/N darling'' she tries but it's hopeless as the pain in your head was getting more severe by the minute. The energy in the room shifts, Cordelia being able to think clearly now as panic sets in Wilhemina's features, unsure how to handle with you not being responsive. And so the supreme does the only thing she can think of at that moment, closing her eyes, before touching your forehead, shaking as she enters your thoughts, the events from today replaying in her mind.

And then like a little movie, she sees and feels the pain you had endured today, getting a glimpse of you in the bathroom, in the shower and what actually got you to these wounds. And it's painful as little images float in your mind, images with your girlfriends, happy memories and the sight brings tears to her eyes. ,,What is it?'' Wilhemina asks sternly, as the supreme opens her eyes again, understanding what the headmistress had done moments before. ,,We need to check her head'' Cordelia announces, gently moving your hair to the side to get a better look at the back of your head. Her fingers already stain in blood before she sees the wound and Wilhemina can't help but sigh, seeing the state you are in and how you soldiered through it all on your own. Blaming herself for not knowing sooner, thinking about what could have happened if they never found you tonight.

Cordelia is quick to hover her hand over your head again, this wound taking a little longer to heal but she manages nevertheless. Wilhemina breathes out in relief, watching as the blood slowly fades away, from your back, the back of your head and her girlfriends hands. ,,Sweetheart?'' Cordelia tries, nudging your shoulder a little as she carefully moves you to face her. Wilhemina watches as your eyes remain closed, confusion washing over her face, the concern still evident on her features. ,,Y/N darling, I need you to wake up'' she tries again, this time a little sterner and at last your eyes finally open, the bright sensation causing them to squint shut before realising you are on the bathroom floor and seeing their expressions. ,,Shit'' you think to yourself, quickly composing yourself and forcing yourself up. And as you are back on your feet, you quickly realise it was a mistake as your vision blurs, little stars forming around you.

And you should have known, knowing Cordelia's magic was strong and despite assuming she fixed your injuries, your face grows pale, the supreme quickly behind you to catch you. ,,Hey hey'' she coos, keeping you balanced as she helps sit you down on the edge of the large bathtub. ,,You're okay'' she reassures, glancing at Wilhemina who's features at this point are beyond readable, the initial shock of concern slowly replaced with anger. Despite the dizzy spell, you could tell she was furious with you, opening your mouth to apologise but the words get caught in your throat. And at last the medium had woken, stumbling into the bathroom as she holds onto the door frame for support. ,,What happened?'' she asks, a little dumbfounded, her voice still hoarse from sleep.

,,As per usual Billie, you missed everything'' Wilhemina remarks, her features stern as she balances on her cane, leaving you with the supreme and medium. You feel the strange urge to follow your redhead girlfriend, to apologise for the consequences from your actions but you still couldn't walk properly and so all you can do is close your eyes, trying to fight back the tears of them being upset with you. ,,Babydoll'' Billie begins, kneeling beside you ,,Delia what happened?'' she asks, confused, feeling terrible for missing everything. Cordelia glances at Billie before her eyes travel back to your own, a flicker of sadness in them as she couldn't believe you would have kept it from them for this long, usually her being the one that needed to coax this sorta stuff out from Wilhemina. And knowing you knew how to take care of yourself but this just seeming utterly unlike you.

,,What?!'' Billie's voice ripples through the air, awakening you from your daze as you didn't listen to a single thing Cordelia had said, too focused on your loud thoughts and the guilt that was beginning to crush you with each second passing. And then before the medium can scold you as well, you balance on your legs, quickly walking away before either of them can stop you, brushing past Wilhemina as well before making your way downstairs, not remotely in the mood to deal with any of it as you hide away in your usual sanctuary the greenhouse. And instantly the calm tranquility of plants and peace makes you feel at ease, wiping the tears that you had no idea streamed from your cheeks before.

Billie is quick to rush after you, Cordelia however stopping her as she knew you needed to calm down for a while and knowing your injuries are healed. ,,Billie wait'' she ushers, the medium stopping in her tracks. Wilhemina remains quiet and composed as the two of them talk, pretending to not listen to their words. ,,Why would she not tell us?'' the medium asks, glancing at the sheets covered in the same shade of red from before. ,,I don't know'' Cordelia sighs, rubbing her temples in frustration, with a flick of her wrist making the blood stains disappear from the bed. ,,I don't understand'' Billie argues, fiddling nervously with her nails before Wilhemina's voice rings through the air again, startling the two of them in the process. ,,It's because she didn't want us to know'' she begins, Cordelia's features filled with pain listening to her girlfriends words. ,,Because she would rather take care of us and protect us than ask for help'' she adds, causing for her girlfriends eyes to slowly swell with tears.

The room fills with silence as the minutes pass by, neither of them speaking, the anger slowly subsiding from Wilhemina's features, more concerned with your wellbeing and feeling the strong urge to find you and hold you close, considering how brave you had been. ,,Let me find her'' Cordelia announces, not liking the idea of you being on your own. Your peace and quiet is interrupted when the blonde makes an appearance in the greenhouse, knowing she would be able to find you there as you always hid away in the comfort of the greenhouse, her being the only one to truly understand how special the place really was. And she lingers by the doorway for a moment, unsure whether you had managed to calm down yet. ,,Sweetie?'' she asks gently, coaxing you right back into the present and away from your thoughts. As soon as your eyes land on her, you falter, feeling terrible and tears already brimming in your eyes.

,,Delia I'm sorry'' you announce quickly before she walks over to you, her stepped rushed as she wants nothing more than to hold you in her arms. ,,Sweetie'' she coos, tilting her head as she walks over before her arms wrap around you, holding you close to her chest. The two of you stay like this for a while, before she takes in your features, taking your cheeks into her hands. ,,You have nothing to be sorry for darling'' she reassures, locking eyes with you to make her statement more believable. ,,You kept us safe sweetheart'' she speaks before your eyes avert hers again. ,,I wish you would have told me darling, so I could have fixed it though''. Her words are gentle and warm, just like your Delia and somehow you feel safe, believing her and slowly feeling calmer. ,,How about we get you back upstairs sweet girl?'' she tries but your eyes find hers again, betraying your own anxiety as you fear the reaction from the other two.

,,You don't need to worry darling, I promise'' she ushers before taking your hand and leading you back inside. You simply follow, feeling too tired to argue and still feeling the lingering headache. As the two of you walk through the dark academy, you feel safe with Delia as you would follow her everywhere, even straight into hell and back. Before too long, the two of you make it back into your bedroom, Billie already tugged in again, despite being awake, Wilhemina sitting on her usual bedside, awaiting your return. And as you glance at them, you can tell their features are much softer, Cordelia settling behind Billie so she could hold you as she already waits in anticipation to hold you into her arms. Reluctantly, you crawl into bed, sitting there a little awkwardly before Billie pulls you close ,,Please never scare us like this again babydoll'' she warns, her eyes filled with nothing but softness and kindness and you simply nod before she presses a kiss to your cheek, content to have you back in her embrace.

A long time passes, while you stay in Billie's embrace, before you dare glance at Wilhemina who sits in silence beside you. As your eyes meet her own, she carefully observes your features, checking for any signs of lingering pain but all she can find is sadness in your beautiful eyes and it causes for her heart to ache. Subconsciously, your hand wanders towards hers, before holding onto it, and it takes her by surprise but she doesn't mind, simply squeezing it a little to reassure she was there. ,,I-'' you begin speaking but she is quick to stop you. ,,Little one it's okay'' she reassures, knowing that you were about to apologise for the millionth time. ,,You scared me that's all'' she explains as she presses a kiss to the back of your hand. ,,Come here'' she offers and you wiggle away from Billie's arms and move into hers. You find yourself nestled in her arms, as she holds you close before resting her chin on your head, before she begins speaking again ,,I never want you to hide from us again little one'' she scolds a little, her voice remaining gentle. ,,You deserve every bit of care that you show us'' she reminds you.

And as your eyes meet hers, you see the genuine love in them as well as the relief of having you in her arms safe and sound. ,,Promise me'' she urges before you meet her eyes. ,,Promise'' you whisper, smiling at her. ,,Good girl'' she praises before pressing a kiss to your forehead and wrapping you back into her arms. And then as the night wears on, you find yourself where you belong in the arms of your lovers and despite the chaos that today had brought upon the four of you, you know that no matter what, you have each other's back and before you slowly fall asleep, you remember the promise you have made to your girlfriend, wanting to be better and open up to them more. ,,I'm here little one, you're okay'' she coos before your eyelids feel heavier and Wilhemina eventually coaxes you to sleep.

#sarah paulson #cordelia goode #wilhemina venable #ahs #american horror story #billie dean howard #sarah paulson x reader #cordelia goode x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #billie dean howard x reader

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grilledcheeseandguavajelly · 2 years ago

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🌹, ❤️, 🍁 please? :D

🌹 What is your favorite kind of fan fiction to write?

I love writing angst 🙈 ohhh, I don’t know what that says about me, but I love writing angst that maybe turns to smut and also hurt/comfort fics!! But honestly, as cheesy as it is, I really, truly love just breaking something down and delving into the emotion of it all. If that makes any sense. I prefer writing emotion over action/scenic description. But a lot of people probably think that my fics are too rambly because of that and I am so sorry 🙈

❤️ Who is your favorite character to write?

Ohhh you would ask me this right as I’m starting to wiggle into a new character’s brain 🙈 I think overall, Wilhemina Venable or Billie Dean Howard. But I have a few new things in my drafts and when I say that I am absolutely head over heels for these characters 👀 @welshdragonrawr knows because she has to listen to me scream about them incessantly (and then complain that I’m not writing them well enough 🙈)

🍁 How is your current WIP going, and can we have a sneak peek?

Firstly, I think we should correct this to WIPssss, because there are so many of them I’ve lost count. I rotate through them like one of those little spinny trays that you put in the middle of the table, so I can just sift through and pick out the one I’m in the mood to toy with that day and then put it back and start again 🙈 A few of them are almost finished, though!! Including the “does your mother know” Billie fic 🙈 So here, have a teeny piece that’s probably not going to make a lot of sense out of context:

“Will you take me home, Billie…?”

The question was soft, and for a second you forgot that you hadn’t simply thought it. But then Billie was nodding with a small “of course, honey” and wrapping her arm around your waist as she led you away from the building and to the parking lot.

You hated that she was touching you like this, hand firm and warm and steadying against you. You hated that you loved it, heat threading out from her fingers and warming you somewhere deep inside. Because this was so domestic, and it seemed so natural, and somehow all fear of consequences flew out the window because you wanted this for the rest of your life, no matter what.

You arrived at Billie’s car too soon, and before you knew it she had opened the door for you and offered you a hand as you slid into the passenger seat. And then the door closed and you were alone, the smell of ash and sage filling your lungs as Billie crossed to the driver’s side of the car. You only had a split second to think that you wanted to be wrapped in this smell forever, that it smelled warm and deep and like coming home, before Billie opened the door and started the car. And then somehow you were halfway home and neither of you had spoken two words to the other.

Billie drove with her hand on the gearshift. You noted it, noted the way her acrylics tapped against the metal and the way her thumb smoothed down against the leather. The thought that you wanted to hold her hand flitted through your mind, and you almost bent to it, but then—

“I’m sorry.”

Billie’s voice startled you against the silence of the car, and you whipped your head up to look at her.

“No no, Billie. Why are you apologizing? Please, if anything, I should be the one—“

Her hand left the gearshift then, finger waving absently as she flicked at her turn signal and slowed the car.

“It was my fault. I took it too far.”

“No, you didn’t,” you countered, trying to catch her eye as she took the turn. It was only then that you realized you were driving down your street, Billie’s house just a few hundred feet ahead.

Billie hummed, a dismissive sound, and something in you hardened because no. She didn’t get to shut you out like this. You weren’t a child, and you were fully capable of discussing this with her.

“Billie, stop the car.”

“What?”

“I said stop the car.”

#thank you for the ask lovely!!#I hope that little snippet wasn’t too weird or confusing #it makes sense in context I promise #hopefully 👀🙈#anyway I hope you’re having a great day!!#ask me anything #asks #fanfic asks #billie dean howard x reader #billie dean x reader

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simpingfortheages · 3 years ago

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//OH BABY BUT I DO//

Billie Dean Howard x Fem Reader

( SMUT, BEGGING,ANGST story with a twist just read it )

Love is everylasting. It's fun, because that's what they tell us in story books.

Billie stumbled through the doorway of our house. She held her pair of black heels loosely on her index acryliced finger. " Hey baby" she shouted into the empty room," in the kitchen " I replied. I heard her bare feet running along the board floor to find me,not before she threw her heels into the corner. I was currently popping open a bottle of champagne and pouring it into 2 wine glasses. Billie came struting into the kitchen with a big smile plastered on her beautiful face. As she made her way towards me I held one of the glasses out to her." Here Billie babe to new beginnings" I cheered. With no hestiation Billie took the glass and clicked it with mine. We simultaneously downed the glasses within seconds, " so how was your day?"I asked. "It was good,we got a lot done and we also finished two and a half episodes" she said with delight. "That's so good Bil" I commented. We sat in silence,except for the fact that Billie was tapping her newly yellow acryliced nails on the surface of the counter. She was impatient but i wasn't going to make the first move. With a loud exasperated huff,Billie practically launged herself towards me,capturing her lips on mine. The kiss becamed heated very quickly, her hands became entangled in my hair while mine gripped her waist,pulling her closer.

Billie pulled her tan skirt over her thighs and did a little jump to wrap her long toned legs round my waist. I held her up by her thighs, I could have felt how needy she was because her core was now pressed against the thin material of my shirt. I smirked into the kiss. I made my way up carefully up the stairs, as i did so, I broke the kiss to see where I was going. A needy whined left Billie's plump lips, while I ascended the stairs, Billie left love bites on my neck. It didn't take me long to reach our bedroom. I roughly threw her on her bed. I stopped to take in the sight of her. Her chest rising and falling, her hair was a mess but a mess in a sexy manner. She was currently trying to unbutton her shirt and kick off her stockings along with her skirt. I chuckle left my lips at her struggle. I crawled up the bed and helped her undress. Billie now left in only her matching black underwear and bra,she pulled me down onto her form. My blood boiled at the fact that she still wanted me, the audacity the medium had. I forcefully swallowed my emotions and proceeded to removed her remaining articles of clothing. I slowly kissed her neck leaving marks on hers to match mine, she was so caught up in the moment she didn't seem to mind. Although i know after it all she will be frantic to cover the marks for tomorrow's episode . Billie never did like to show off the marks I left on her, she always complained about it being "unprofessional". I respected her choice up until tonight that is. I was determined to mark every part of her skin, to remind her of me. Billie Dean was never one to be but she was Oh so desperate and needy tonight. I couldn't deny her of what she really wanted. I made quick work of adorning her neck and chest area. I latched my soft lips on to her nipples and bite down, which caused a whimper and moan to rip through Billie's throath. I knew she liked it rough.

I kissed lower and lower along her bikini line until I reached her core. I pried open her legs to admire the mess I made. It really was a shame. I delicately traced my fingers over the constellation freckles that decorated her flawless skin. Billie really was a piece artwork, one that never ceases to draw everyone's attention. She was impatient. Very impatient, but I liked it that way. It seemed like she wanted me, needed me . "Y/N please touch me" Billie begged,she stared up at me with eyes filled with hope,longing and lust. I took my finger and ran it along her slit,collecting her slick. Billie's back arched off the bed into a pretty bow. The heels of her feet were digging into the mattress,as she pushed her hips up against my fingers that teased her entrance. I dipped the tips of my fingers into her dripping core,but not all the way in like she wanted, "beg me Billie" I demanded. Her head twisting against the pillow while her hands held a vice grip onto the covers. She managed to open her mouth," please fuck me y/n don't tease me any longer please" she said desperately. I plunged my fingers deep into her warm core, pulling in and pushing out of her slowly. The feeling of her velvet walls hugging my fingers were euphoric. It was a perfect fit, " You want more don't you Billie?" I teased. Billie couldn't find her voice, instead she nodded her head vigrously. Her once perfectly curls were now unrecognizable as the back of her head rubbed on the pillow. "Use your words Bil, I'm not a spirit who can read your mind" I teased further more, coaxing her to speak. "More y/N plea-please more" she spoke as her small voice cracked. I added a third finger into her tight cunt. Billie threw her head back onto the pillow and immediately grabbed my wrists. Mewls and moans filled the already thick atmosphere. I never stopped moving my hands. My movements only got faster and faster as her nails dug into my wrist, she tried so very hard to keep herself grounded but failed in doing do. I curled my fingers to reach her sweet spot,as I did so I pressed my thumb against her neglected clit. The combination of Billie being stretched by my fingers and the attention on her clit was too much for her to handle. " Y/N I'm- I'm gonna-" her words were cut off as waves of pleasure washed over her. The medium's eyes rolled back to the back of her head as her mouth was left open ,as her high ended a loud moan filled the room. I slowed pulled my fingers out but i didn't stop rubbing her until she calmed down.

After a few seconds when Billie calmed down. I flopped on the side on her on the bed causing her naked body to jiggle with my movements. I leaned over the bed and grabbed a couple of tissues to wipe my hands clean of Billie. This didn't go unnoticed by the medium as a look for perplexion made its was onto her face. How cute she looked. Usually I would tell her how good she tasted or I would let her taste herself. However she didn't question the act. She propped herself on her side and began running her fingers through my hair. All the while, raking her nails along my scalp. That was the best feeling. It wasn't long until her hand started to drift towards my waist band,most likely to return the favour.

Out of reflex I grabbed her wrist at a halt. " Bil i know" was all I said, Billie sat upon the bed, now alert of my words. " Y/N what's are you talking about?" She questioned with her eyebrows furrowed. " I know about you and" I swallowed thickly. I wanted to yell at her but i didn't " about you and your new assistant" I spat out the last line. Billie's eyes were wide as ever. The look of horror dawned upon her face. That expression on her face was the frosting on the cake. Her complexion was purely white. The red blush that crept upon her face from our love making was now gone. "Why Billie?" I asked with emotion heavy in my voice. "Baby i- I didn't mean too"she stuttered. "Didn't mean too?? Billie you slept with her on our bed. I fucking know because if you tried to listen to me last week. I told you I recently installed cameras. You know since you are a well known celeb now" my voice raised in its level causing her to jump. "How could you Bil? I thought you loved me" I choked out. "Baby but i do" she tried to comfort me but i knew the truth. "It was a dumb mistaken, I wasn't thinking straight Y/N please" she begged as she grabbed onto the front of my shirt to not make me move away. The vice grip she had on me made nail indents into my chest. I didn't care about it, the pain of my breaking heart had hurt more. "No Billie, a mistake is bumping into someone, what you did was for spite. You were thinking straight. And I am 100% sure you would have continued if I never found out. " the dam of tears didn't break. I felt numb.Billie Dean Howard broke me. " Y/N No that's not true. I don't love anyone else but You. I love you alone." She sobbed. Tears cascaded down her cheekbones. In another time I would be the one to wipe those tears away and place kisses upon her wet skin, but that was another time. " fuck off Bilie, don't sell me bullshit. You think i am dumb? I know you have slept with her more. Not only at home. IN OUR HOME! But I am sure you have at work. Don't you think i notice the different perfumes ?? Or the fact that your makeup is well applied,almost too applied when you come home." I raged.

My heart hurt, the veins in my head were throbbing at this point. "Y/N listen to me, I wasn't thinking, it was only twice I swear and I promise you I will never ever do anything like that to hurt you." At this point I was getting off the bed, trying to get the hell away from her as possible. Billie followed me off the bed trying to grab onto me again. I shrugged her off and threw some pajamas towards her body to get dressed. " you're barely home anymore Billie,you didn't even see that all my clothes are gone. You don't have time for me. It's not like I am asking you to choose between work or me. I am just saying make time for me" I continued to rant as I paced up and down the carpet." I will baby I promise. I will fire her and get someone else" she tried to resonant with me as she sloppily tried to dress herself. "Billie. I don't care what you do anymore...." I whispered. The dam cracked,tears slowly started to trickle down my face. Billie ran up to me and wrapped her arms around me, plastering kisses all over my face, mumbling, apologies. I gently took her arms and unwrapped them from me. She cried out my name as I did so. " And to think I was going to propose and wanted to start a family with you" Billie stayed silent. Her eyes were waterfalls at this point. Her bottom lip never stopped wobbling. " please Y/N I know I fucked up but I promise you I will never do that again." She recited over and over. " like how you promised to love me?"I snapped. " BUT I DO LOVE YOU" the medium screamed "I am sorry Billie but I cannot do this anymore" I whimpered. " No no y/n you are not going to leave me!!" Billie demanded and she stomped her foot on the floor like a toddler. I ran a hand through my hair to try and neaten my appearance as i fixed my clothes infront the mirror. " And to think Billie that you of all people couldn't recognise the demon living inside you all along...". A gasp escaped her throath and added to the tension in the room. " you- you don't mean that" she cried silently. I slowly walked up to her and gently tucked a curl behind her ears, " oh but baby I do". Billie locked her eyes on me as tears fell from her face. "I'll get you back one day Y/N just you see, I love you and I mean it." She hiccupped. "Maybe...maybe not,but right now Billie I cannot be with you." I cried out. She slowly nodded her head and wiped her face with the back of her hands. "One day we will be a family y/n I swear on it and we Will be together again as we should" Billie promised. Unfortunately I believed her words, I left Billie standing in a room that was once ours. I fought the urge to run back and comfort her, but she broke my heart. I deserved better, yet part of me couldn't help but want her to be true to her words. I still love Billie deep down and always will ..after all she is Billie Dean Howard, medium to the stars... she's my star.

#billie dean howard #billie dean x reader #sarah paulson x reader #sarah paulson characters #angst fic #smut #sarah paulson fanfic #Sarah Paulson x reader

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billiedeanhwrd · 4 years ago

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mind is just as frail as it's frame, you know i'd leave it alone

billie dean howard x reader

summary: you're fighting a losing game with your disorder, let's hope it's not too late when your ex-girlfriend shows up in your apartment.

warnings: eating disorders (bulimia), depression, sad ending

word count: 1730

a/n: this is basically a vent i dumped into my notes app in one sitting after not being inspired to write for way too long, so, pls don't judge too harshly and pls DONT READ THIS IF IT COULD TRIGGER YOU

gif credits to @mildredratchds

You had fallen into the dark, deep blue again. Time and time again you fell and you fought your way out, you fell and you picked yourself up again. Not this time though, you were drowning and there was nothing you could do to get back to air. You were trapped in this pool of misery as if it was locked on the surface, and there was no way you were getting out of it by yourself.

The last time it got this bad you had Billie, sweet, sweet Billie, who would've sacrificed her life to help you in any shape or form, but she was gone. Her departure left a cavity in your heart, yet you couldn't be mad at her. She had tried. But you locked her out when you needed her the most. There really was no one else to blame for the decaying of your heart, but you.

Nothing particularly bad happened that would've caused you to spiral this extremely, it was simply the fact that everything was bad, everything is bad, and everything would always be bad. In reality, your problems weren't getting worse, but the continuous strain of having to deal with the same troubles every single day was eating away at your resistance. You could feel the energy and willpower to keep going creeping out of your body, leaving you with the empty shell of who you used to be.

You hadn't talked to Billie in months, after repeated tries to break down your walls and being pushed away every single time, she gave up. You did it, you pushed away the one person who truly cared for you. Your mind was clouded by self-hatred and anguish, it was as if your eyes were shielded by a grey layer, making it impossible for the world to look anything but cold and loveless.

There was not a single thing that could spark up the joyous flame inside you. Nothing was even remotely good anymore. Nothing.

You were here, but at the same time, you weren't. As if you had taken a step back from reality. The feeling of not being real blurring the lines between good and bad. At certain moments the light inside you would flicker, pulling you back and guiding you to the right thing. But it was only a flicker. It was weak and it was temporary. The disordered desire to completely destroy yourself was starting to consume you.

Everything was blurry, the line between good and bad, the one between acceptable and inappropriate and most dangerously the one between you and your illness.

Were these your authentic thoughts or were they caused by a disorder?, was a question you often asked yourself, but never actually answered.

You had long reached past the point of not caring, now you wanted it, actively wanted absolute destruction. You resumed all your old unhealthy coping mechanisms and made no effort to stop your current ones.

Who would really care if you died? no one, at least that's what you made yourself believe.

Total isolation from friends and family was necessary so you could spend all your time focusing on your eating disorder.

Instead of spending your nights in the arms of the woman you loved, you spent them hunched over the toilet, hurling your guts out.

You felt weak and disgusting at all times, nothing about what you were doing was anywhere near glamorous. Well... except if anyone finds choking on your own vomit or all kinds of gross digestive issues glamorous.

You couldn't recognize the girl starring back at you in the mirror, who the hell even was this red-eyed girl? Her puffy cheeks stood out to you immediately. Snot, vomit, and bile were running down her face, probably picking at her skin. And her eyes... well, except for tears and popped blood vessels there was nothing in them. Not a single glimpse of happiness or remains of a person.

It was a heartbreaking sight that left you cold.

Dizzily you walked to your bed, too tired to do anything. The tiny remains of energy you had left you with the content of your stomach.

It was 5 in the evening and you were laying in bed, staring at the spinning ceiling, until your eyes fell shut.

Your friends had contacted Billie, she was the only one who used to be able to help you at least a little bit. She was there for you, always, and she never judged. She stood by you in your darkest times, supportively holding your hand and not letting go even when the going got tough. You were constantly terrified of dragging her down with you, the last thing you wanted was to rob the world of her angelic presence.

She would hold you close when you were down, which was admittedly most days. She would clean your apartment and do your laundry, things you didn't feel like you could do in the state you were in.

She loved you and you loved her.

Of course, you returned the favors, you were there for her as well, but you knew it was different. It was a bigger challenge being with someone so deeply intertwined with their illness, but she still did it.

She was your everything, and you had lost her.

Not only was she your light in this pitch-black hole others called life, but she was also your soulmate. The one you laughed with most. The one who got you, everything about you. You shared a myriad of beautiful moments that outshined any bad time for her. She wanted to marry you one day, of course, you didn't know that until you kicked her out of your apartment and discovered a red, velvet box weeks later when you finally cleaned out her drawer.

You were moody, irritable, impulsive, and horribly depressed. It seemed as if your actions didn't have consequences, life was a game of numbers. Calories in. Calories out. Nothing else mattered.

You felt no remorse when things ended with Billie. The realization only really hit you when you found the 18 carat Tiffany diamond.

For a second your eyes opened wide and your lips curled into a smile, despite having ruined the surprise proposal. Then, boom, it hit you and your heart crumbled. There was no surprise to ruin, anymore. You two were done. She didn't need you, she had moved on, appearing with a new side-piece on the covers of tabloids weekly.

Why would you even care though? You ended things. you could hear a painful laugh erupting from you, you didn't need her, you didn't need anyone, not when you had your innermost nervosa.

Eyes wide and dead, smile big and stiff, you looked horrifying. But what did it matter? Sanity was a hoax anyways.

When your friends called Billie she dropped everything for you, like she always had and always would. The second she heard how you were behaving, her heart rate went sky high. It was happening again, and this time, she wasn't there to throw you a lifejacket, this time, you were drowning on your own.

It was 6 in the evening, and you were laying in your bed, facing the now still-standing ceiling.

Billie chuckled to herself as she used the spare key you hid in your not-so-secret-secret hiding spot to open your front door. The apartment was just how you had left it.

After you had practically inhaled the kitchen until you were painfully full and then, of course, ritualistically aggressively forced your hand down your throat to un-do what just happened. That's what appealed to you about bulimia. The control. Life didn't have an undo button, so you had to create one for yourself. You cheated in the dirtiest games of them all and your pride overthrew every bit of rationality that was left. Not once did the thought "I shouldn't be doing this" enter your mind, this was after all normal to you, blurry, but normal.

It doesn't work that way though, you can't undo anything or cheat your way through life just because you're unable to give up control. And a part of you knew that, a part of you wanted to listen to what your therapist had told you. She was right, you could drop dead at any second, the chances of having a sudden heart attack rising after every heave.

The smell of vomit invaded the medium's nose when the door creaked open, and her heart sunk. She wanted so badly to help you through this, stand by you, and overcome this with you, but you wouldn't let her. You made it impossible for her to be apart of your life. She had no energy to keep up the fight and so she left, like you wanted her to, like you said you wanted her to.

She called out your name. no response. you must be asleep somewhere, she thought. Your ex-girlfriend made her way through the food packages and dirty dishes on the floor to the bathroom, it wouldn't be the first time she'd find you passed out on the cold ceramic tiles. She flushed the toilet and wiped down the blood and vomit-covered toilet seat before stopping in the doorway to collect herself. Fiddling with her pearl necklace before taking a deep breath, she left the bathroom.

It was 6:10 in the evening when Billie switched off the light in the bathroom and headed to the kitchen, her red pumps echoing through your deadly silent apartment. She stopped in her tracks and seriously considered cleaning for a second, like she used to do for you when you were dating.

She missed you, a lot. She missed seeing the relief on your face when you entered your freshly cleaned kitchen after beating yourself up for nights for not being able to just. Do. IT. She missed the way your eyes sparkled when you looked at her, she missed your bear-hugs and cuddles, she missed everything about you. Billie shook her head, cleaning could wait, she needed to talk to you.

It was 10 past 6 in the evening and you were laying in your bed, which was how Billie found you a few seconds later.

Because everything was just how you had left it. Dirty dishes on the floor. Lights on. Vomit in the toilet. A lifeless body facing the ceiling.

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