#big reveal of holy fuck how is this kid bruces???

[oifaaa]

I dont think we as a society do enough with the fact that in current dc continuity the original story of how Damian was born is canon and that technically includes the bit were Talia gives Damian up for adoption as she thought that would be what's best for him bc there's a lot that can be done with this

[jaewritesfic]

I see (and love) plenty of fics where Batman reveals his identity to the Justice League by Batman taking off the cowl in various situations

But why isn't there more of Bruce Wayne having to go 'fuck it' and Go Batman In Civvies?

Like Brucie Wayne is your civilian hostage doing his best big, dumb and useless impression.

Members of the Justice League come in but keep getting incapacitated/captured.

Finally a hero is about to die and Bruce Wayne just sighs heavily because apparently he has to fucking do this himself.

Several members of the Justice League just like-

"Holy shit, Bruce Wayne just bit a guy he's gonna get himself killed. Oh shit, actually he just kicked that guy's kneecap in- oh what the fuck, did he just dislocate his thumb to get out of his zipties?"

"Am I insane or are you guys also seeing Bruce Wayne wipe the floor with armed criminals? Where the fuck did he- did he just pull that batarang out of his sock???"

He rounds on them with Hal's Lantern Ring that he just pulled out of an unconscious guys pocket and brandishes it like an angry mom who just found contraband in their kids room.

Bruce, so pissed he reverts to lingo he's heard his children use: I cannot BELIEVE you barged in here and let these amateurs just...just...YOINK your ring!!

GL, sputtering: Wh- I didn't- they didn't yoink it-

Bruce: they yoinked it, Hal! Straight up yoinked it!!!

GL: How do you know my name?!

Bruce: Of course I know your name!! IM BATMAN

[sliipppy]

Warning this is a mindelsss rant and its all my thoughts slabbed into a post bc I've been re-reading the holy trinity (Batman and Robin 2009, Red Robin 2009, and Batgirl 2009)

2009 is actually the best era of batman comics for me. Like batman 2009, red Robin 2009, and Batgirl 2009 are all such bangers and it's crazy to me that it took Bruce dying for the batfamily to truly flourish but hell it WORKS. Like they're not perfect, and I have my gripes with grant morrision but I feel that comics were just really good and it will forever make me sad that these comics (especially red robin) ended so terribly because of n52. Dick and Damian make such a good batman and robin. It's fresh, it's interesting, and I loved watching their relationship grow. They even got some good Jason stuff in there. Red Robin 2009 is phenomenal and just a great character study of Tim. Batgirl 2009 introduced Steph as Batgirl and is probably my favorite DC series ever. Ironically, I think these series suffer a bit when it's revealed Bruce is alive and comes back and what not (I'm not too big a fan of batman inc but idk if that's just me.)

So dc. What I propose is that you kill off Bruce. Again. Since apparently it works really well.

kidding. That would be redundant considering he just died. Basically I'm asking for more batfamily centered stories that show that they are messy. I feel like the batfamily is too perfect nowadays. They aren't flawed. They don't fight. 2009 showed just how fucked up and mentally ill these characters were like they were oftentimes shitty to eachother but they still loved eachother ITS WHAT MADE THEM SO GOOD

I miss it sm n52 I'll forever hate you

[legends-live-in-memories]

For The Love of a Father (Idea)

AYO it me! this was inspired by an idea by @1rosebyanyothername in the MGI server. (i copied this directly from the server so rip my punctuation)

“What if somehow Thomas Wayne managed to live but lost his memory, so he moved to Paris, taking on the name Thomas Dupain?

What if he then married Sabine Cheng, and then eventually had Marinette?

So Bruce would be Marinette’s half brother, around 8 years older than her.”

So this is what I came up with as a part of brainstorming for it. (again not a fic but an idea that i should not be allowed to have)

without further ado:

Okay so imagine they, Thomas and Martha, were pronounced dead on scene but when they get to the coroner's office Thomas wakes up but since this has already made big public scandal the coroner tries to be discrete and ships his unconscious body off to like Strange or someone who then confirms the memory loss or gasp does it himself and ships him off to who knows where cuz the underbelly of Gotham has plans and a living Wayne ruins that but he didnt kill him cuz the Wayne foundation funded Blackgate and Arkham so out of mercy he doesnt kill him but ships him off to Italy in the care of one (1) ☝ Gina Dupain who was all new son and rolled tf with it

now he is being careened off to Paris cuz his 'father' Roland lives there but since Thomas was already a grown man at this point he just tries to live on his own and this is where he meets Sabine and they have a lovely daughter named Marinette Martha Dupain-Cheng

he doesnt know why he chose Martha but the name comes with an intense feeling of love so of course he would name his first daughter after that name

now either this is set in like fox series Gotham where we have young pre!batman Bruce or whenever but if you choose that route then maybe immediately after the series during his sabbatical he finds himself in Paris and would you look at that his dad his sweeping floors while a girl no older than 6 is calling him papa and Bruce just fucking breaks and he doesnt know what to do cuz he thought this man was dead but no he has a new family a new wife a new kid and Bruce has spent all this time grieving this man so he walks in trying to figure out wtf is going on but then Thomas looks up at this now 18??? yr old Bruce and there's a pleasant smile and 'welcome to Tom and Sabines how can i help you' and no recognition and Bruce then realises he has truly lost his father and now when he becomes batman its not with the grief of losing his parents but with the pain of losing his father twice

so then fast forward and cue to 13 yr old Marinette and being ladybug and wonder woman tells the league of a problem in Paris and Bruce just like freezes cuz wtf and internally he's spiralling cuz he never recovered from his discovery of his father's new simple life but the mission comes first and the grieving 12 yr old inside has to take a backseat for now so he sends someone (maybe midnighter but idk much bout him so someone else like wonder woman) to find out more and get in contact with those dealing with the situation so they schedule a meeting with ladybug and chat noir and Bruce nearly swallows his tongue cuz he doesnt give a f bout magic and magic cant hide those eyes cuz he sees them every morning in the mirror the same shade of blue (idk if it was Thomas or Martha that had blue eyes and i dont think canon knows either) and Bruce just knows this is his father's daughter his sister and she's caught in the same life as he but not because she condemned herself to this life but cuz some ras al ghul wannabe forced her and now he's seeing red but he cant lose his cool cuz batman doesnt lose his cool

so they work together but this little girl no taller than his ribs is hesitant and cautious and she's cracking under the pressure cuz her partner has other responsibilities and she has to pick up the slack and she doesnt know what to do and now Bruce is this close to revealing himself to her and explaining everything so that she has a bigger shoulder to lean on but he cant cuz hawkmoth and magic and secret identities and its a whole mess

(he is absolutely ready to go apeshit during weredad but he doesnt but its a damn near thing)

NOW we cut to when Mari is like 16 and theyre closing in on hawkmoth but he cant focus too much on that cuz 38 yr old Bruce just picked up a child and holy shit how does one parent and his sister?? can he even call her that?? is handling the situation so he takes a bigger backseat on Paris and focuses more on cleaning up Gotham and training/raising robin

and now things are kinda mellowing out and everyone falls into their new routines and roles in life Bruce almost forgets that his dad is not dead and during an investigation he finds out that Hugo Strange was responsible for shipping his father off like cheap export and now he's torn because he knows Strange can undo it,,, the bastards done worse and more complicated shit over the years undoing memory loss that he caused should be piece of cake but he doesnt want to take away a father from his child cuz Bruce knows how that can absolutely ruin someone and he's grown fond of his sister even if the relationship is severely one-sided she's family and Bruce couldnt do that to family but ,,,, but he misses his father he loves Alfred truly but nothing replace the Thomas and Martha shape gape in his heart so he does nothing

NOW he does however want to bridge the gap between himself and Marinette cuz he wants to know his father's new family even if the thought of his father loving someone other than his mother and calling someone else his child makes him viscerally ill he is nothing if not addicted to self-inflicted punishment after all

so he invites her whole class over to metropolis as some scholarship trip (he'll be damned if he brings his tiny sister to gotham of all places) and tries to get to know her there but he cant do so under much professional settings so he lets it slip casually in a presentation about his parents and includes a picture of his parents and he sees the looks the girl’s classmates throw around cuz they know that man as her father not his but no one can deny the resemblance so after the presentation she discretely goes off to talk with him in private but everyone sees them and knows whats happening so there is no time for pretense but they go into a back room and they talk and talk and talk and cry a little bit maybe a lot and they make promises to get to know each other

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[dollfaceeeeee]

How the Avengers would react if you flinched when they tried to touch you..😭

I have been dealing with the aftermath of domestic violence for a couple years now, and with intense PTSD and panic disorder, this was so calming to think about tbh.

Tony Stark: Oh gods, he would notice, with immense distaste. He would probably hesitate to touch you afterward, but he would be gentle about talking to you about it, and would reassure you over and over that you’re safe, and that nobody will ever hurt you again. He may also ask for addresses and names, just because he’s..well, he’s Tony. He’s got the power to do crazy shit. And if he cares about you, can you imagine what he would do to someone that hurt you? My sweet man.

Steve Rogers: He would be horrified that you would ever think he would hurt you. He would probably tell anyone else in the room to get lost and sit you down and just hold you, telling you that you’re safe with him always, that nobody will ever hurt you again. He wouldn’t push you to talk about it, but if you wanted to, he would listen. He’s not one to reveal his anger as easily as Tony or Buck, but it would break his heart to hear about it, that’s for sure. He would leave the killing to Bucky and Loki tbh, but he might join in too. Maybe.

Bucky Barnes: He might be hurt, physically, that you would think he would hurt you, but he wouldn’t be surprised at the action. He was a scary guy, at one point or another, but he would gently pull you in against him and squeeze you so tight you couldn’t breathe, maybe even sway with you for a while until you felt better. And then, he’d blow up, ask who the fucker is, where they are, and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He would be on a death mission with only one thing in mind, and that’s keeping you safe. That’s all he cares about.

Thor: Honestly, he might not catch on at first, because he probably doesn’t see domestic violence as much at home, but after you explain it to him or get emotional, he would want to understand what he did wrong. He doesn’t seem like the type to push you, but he does seem like the type to go in to hold you, maybe run his fingers down your back, and just kinda curl himself around you protectively. He would probably bring you to get food too, and maybe ice cream to cheer you up.

Loki: OKAY so the tough one. On one hand, he may understand why you might flinch around him, but boy would he explode once you told him it wasn’t from him, but from..someone else. Holy shit he would be a time bomb. Who is it? Where are they? Do they have a DEATH WISH? He would slide those daggers out like nothing and call Bucky to assist him. He’s out for fucking blood. He would probably leave Thor to babysit you in the meantime lol.

Bruce Banner: Soft boy would be HORRIFIED. He would get it because the green guy can scare people sometimes, but of him? Oh no. He would bring you somewhere quiet and make you a cup of tea and just kinda talk to you gently about it, rubbing your shoulder when it gets tough. He’d probably also put a movie on afterward and just hold you, just to remind you that you’re safe with him. He’s definitely a snuggler.

Natasha Romanoff: She would be joining Bucky and Loki. Someone HURT YOU? Death, on the spot. Of course she would want to understand what happened and if you’re alright, and she would probably just talk to you one on one if you needed it, but she would give you her full attention. And then afterward, she would be joining those boys on a death mission. Those three, as a group, with Wanda too? And CAROL? I mean, RIP whoever decided to lay a hand on you.

Clint Barton: Oh he would be HARDCORE concerned. What do you mean you’re gonna flinch when he raises his arm? Why? He would bring you in the kitchen and force you to talk to him about whatever the hell that was while he makes you a grilled cheese. I mean, what kinda sick fuck hurts someone like that for no singular reason? He’s such a dad, but he’s got your back, always.

Wanda Maximoff: I’d tell her literally all my deepest secrets. She would never take anything personally, but she would be upset that someone blatantly hurt you. Why would they hurt this small, ordinary human? Absolutely not alright. She would hold you for however long you wanted and then make you some good food for dinner while she made you laugh. When you went to bed, though..like I said, she would be joining the death party. Sorry.

Pietro Maximoff: PIEEEEEETRO. He would be so confused, and unsure of what to do, but he would probably blatantly ask you if you wanted the person to die like it’s a normal question, like “hey what’s for dinner?” Yeah, like that. He would make a big blanket fort with snacks and soft blankets and hold you until you fell asleep, and wouldn’t sleep a wink, keeping watch over you the entire night. He’s ✨soft✨.

Vision: He would try so hard to understand what the fuck is going on, but his mind would have a hard time processing why the fuck some idiot would ever hurt you. Why? For what purpose? Even after explaining it, he would probably just be infuriated, no matter what you say. How could they do this to you? Those assholes. He would probably offer a hug, or something to eat to make you feel better, but he would be plotting their demise. Guaranteed.

Carol Danvers: She would start a full out war, given the circumstances. How dare some scummy human being hurt you? She would show them, and make it the worst day of their lives. No matter how much you tried to calm her down, she would be out for blood. No way this woman would NOT be are you KIDDING? She’s too spicy for that.

Sam Wilson: He would also be another one I would tell literally anything to. He would be incredulous that you would ever think he would hurt you, but man would he pay attention when you told him. All that man would do is pull you into his arms, hug you as tightly as he can, and tell you everything is alright now, he would never let them hurt you again, and that he loves you. Sammy just seems like a guy that would tell you he loves you during something traumatic like that.

Doctor Stephen Strange: Another one that wouldn’t quite know how to react. He would probably be confused, at first, and then deeply concerned for you once he caught on, and would probably ask to speak to you about it whenever you were ready. He would probably mention that you can come by later to his room to talk about it when everyone else is asleep so it’s a calmer atmosphere, and would probably rub your shoulder as he passes you, but that’s it. And that’s enough.

Peter Parker: My devastated little bean. He would be WILDLY apologetic, thinking he did something wrong, and just saying he’s sorry over and over and wondering what he did wrong and how to fix it, but then when you explain, he wouldn’t be so..apologetic. Peter would probably order a pizza and pull you onto the couch with him and let you choose a movie, and just let you curl in against him. He would probably fall asleep with you, too, while Tony has to pay for the damn pizza.

T’Challa: Um..tbh I feel like he would be furious, in a plainly way to put it. That guy has venom in his eyes every time he’s on screen, and this wouldn’t make him feel any better. Of course he would move to comfort you first, but that man is a whole king. You think he wouldn’t do something about it? Say goodbye to whoever hurt you. He would take them off the map.

Scott Lang: He would probably joke about it at first and think you’re just messing around, but he would be absolutely devastated when you get upset over it. He would be HORRIFIED that he upset you, and would probably try desperately to talk to you about it, or try to make you feel better. He would probably end up getting knocked out by Sam or Bucky, but he would welcome it after that lol.

Valkyrie: She would not probably comment on it until you guys were alone, because she might think it’s a private matter for you and she would respect your boundaries, but if you got seriously upset on the spot she would probably pull you into a hug and yell for everyone to get the fuck out. She wouldn’t make you talk about it, but she would know when you needed to be alone, so she would make sure you got the time you needed. If you needed her afterward, she would be there.

Groot: I AM GROOT. That is all.

Rocket: A lot like Antman and Thor, he would probably joke about it or think you weren’t being serious at first, but after you were, man he would be upset for you. He would probably comfort you by telling you jokes to get you to laugh, or something, but in his mind he would probably be plotting the end of a pitiful human being far away.

Gamora: She wouldn’t let that shit go, no sir. She wouldn’t pester you, but man she would want to know what the hell that was about, and what stupid, God forsaken bastard decided that you were a punching bag. Not on her watch. Be prepared to tell her, because she won’t let anything like that go. I don’t make the rules.

Peter Quill: Idk if he really knows how to be serious at..serious times..maybe? Anyway, he would make sure to never move that sharply around you again, and wouldn’t say anything about it unless you wanted to talk to him about it. He might ask the others what was going on with you, but he’s not the type to show that he cares about a lot of shit. Sorry, Quill.

James Rhodes: He is such a dad lol. He would be taken back by the action, don’t get me wrong, but he also wouldn’t be one to let it go. Who is it? What happened? He might not be aggressive about it like the others, but he would want to know that they are long gone now, and he would remind you that you’re safe.

Nebula: Ah shit, what did she do wrong now? That’s it. Haha.

Baron Zemo: Who the fuck was it? Who the FUCK hurt you? Oh no, Zemo would be out for blood. He wouldn’t need a team, or partners in the quest, nah, he would be going alone and would scare that bastard in their beds in the night. DING DONG, it’s the boogeyman, I’m here to end you for your bullshit choices.

Hope van Dyne: This badass Queen would not back down from asking you about what was wrong. Did someone in the compound hurt you? Did she have to kill them? But when you tell her, she would be horrified for you, and offer to hurt the person that hurt you. An eye for an eye, right? Up to you.

Drax: Do they need to die? He would do it for you. No charge.

Mantis: She would read you like an open book the second you flinched, so don’t try to deny it, or say that it was just a reflex. She would probably have a detox night and make nachos with you and throw on some comedy movie she heard about from Rocket. She wouldn’t let you hurt on your own. She would be there.

Wong: UGH what a GUY. He would probably make you some soup because it’s the ultimate comfort food and talk about it together. He wouldn’t get agitated, or force you to open up too much, but he would offer his company and his attention as long as you wanted it.

Okoye: She would probably be with T’Challa tbh. Sorry. She would be out for some tucking vengeance.

Shuri: She would be the one to bring you along with her somewhere private, wrap you in a blanket, and hold your hand as she urged you to tell her what the hell that was. She would be one of the best at comforting, and afterward she would show you around her collection of inventions to make you forget about that stupid, repulsive human being.

Pepper Potts: Someone..HURT YOU? Oh no. She would go right to Tony with it and demand that the two of them do something to avenge you. There is absolutely no way that she would let that slide. She would also make you your favorite food, some warm cookies, and get a bath going for you to help soothe you.

Korg: Dude is made of rocks. ROCKS. You expect him to understand what the fuck is going on? He would probably get a video game going to let you release some anger and ask Thor for help in the meantime.

[redhoodieone]

Hate You More Part 2

Hey!!! Here is Part 2! Hope you all like it because there WILL be a Part 3! And I didn’t actually plan that lol.

WARNINGS: Language. Masturbation. Sex Toy.

“Do you think she’ll really like it?”

Who is Jason talking about?

Is he talking about me? Is he actually trying to make up for what happened between us earlier? Is this his way of saying he’s sorry and that he doesn’t really hate me?

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. The thought of Jason doing something nice for me makes me suddenly nervous.

What if he smiles at me? What if he hugs me? What if there’s a moment between us?

Just the thought of Jason being nice to me and the possibility of “anything” happening between us sends me into a panic state. I find myself running back up the stairs and slamming my bedroom door shut and locking myself in.

What should I do to prepare myself when I see Jason?

Hiding out in my bathroom that’s privately connected to my bedroom, I stare at my reflection in the elegant massive mirror and begin to list what I should do.

Brush my teeth? I’d definitely need my breath freshly mint just in case we talk very close.

I hastily grab my tooth brush and apply a significant amount of toothpaste just to fresh up my mouth. After the appropriate time of scrubbing my mouth clean, I rinse and spit out the excess fluids and stare back into the mirror.

Touch up my makeup? I could apply more black eyeliner and mascara to make my eyes pop.

After retouching my makeup, I decide to put on my favorite tinted lip balm that’ll make my lips kissable yet comfortable.

I realize then that I should change my outfit. I sigh happily after pulling on my red lady thong. Deciding to slip on my favorite black skinny jeans with the tears throughout my thighs and knees, and my “lucky” red and black sexy corset top. The reason why it’s lucky is because any guy who sees me in it always lets me have my way with him. I chuckle to myself as I put on my black high heel boots because I can only imagine what Jason’s face will look like.

I hope he’ll be shocked as hell. Picturing his mouth hanging open like a cartoon’s and seeing the lustful look in his eyes sends a shiver down my spine.

I then make sure my push up bra makes my cleavage look so fucking amazing, I straighten my long hair and leave it down because I definitely have a hair pulling kink and it’s something I take very seriously.

After the spritz of my go-to hookup perfume, Oud Wood by Tom Ford, I realize I’m at my 150% best and make my way down the stairs. The second I make it to the sliding door leading to the backyard, I freeze.

And then suddenly, I’m hit with a wave of shyness; a feeling I’ve never really felt before. But why the fuck would I feel nervous about around Jason? Because come on—I HATE the fucking guy!!!

The little voice in my mind throws it’s head back and laughs in a tormenting manner at me: because you have feelings for him, you jackass!

No. No, I don’t. I’m not stupid enough to believe that. I should just go outside and see if the fool even flirts with me, because if he does, I can just laugh at him and make him feel like shit.

With one deep breath, I open the sliding door and slip silently outside. The backyard is lit up in a blue hue from the pool and jacuzzi. It’s a beautiful setting, I won’t admit that out loud. I look around and realize Jason isn’t where he was before.

Where the fuck is he?

A wolf whistle behind me alerts me fast.

“Fuck...holy shit. Is today my birthday?”

Spinning around, I’m face to face with a smug looking Jason. I may be frozen in place but I can see that he doesn’t hide the fact that he’s checking me out; like a hunter sneaking up on its prey. Jason licks his bottom lip and winks at me.

“So, what brings you down here looking like...that?” Jason teases.

Why the hell is he making me so nervous?! Out of all the other horrible times we’ve had, I’ve never felt so anxious to tell him to fuck off, but here I am! Standing like an idiot who can’t open her mouth and speak like a normal person!

I find myself pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. Fuck my life. “I...I saw your peace offering. I-I figured if you want to try to play nice that maybe I...I could too.”

There. I said it. Now that wasn’t so hard, right?

Jason stares down at me in surprise. His green eyes so wide and maddening that I find it difficult as hell to breathe. Slowly inhaling some air, I smile at him.

“I saw you got pizza. You also set out my favorite drink. You did all that, right?” I ask, pointing back at the mansion.

“I-uh...I did but-”

“Jaybird?”

We both whip around and see Isabel standing behind him. Isabel Ardila, one of Jason’s many one night stands. My eyes trail down from her curly blonde hair down to her skimpy purple dress with her huge tits practically falling out.

She pouts her pink full lips and flirts at him with her pretty blue eyes.

“Isabel...what-what are you doing here?” Jason stammers out. He instantly looks stunned as if he really wasn’t expecting her to come over.

“It’s a slow boring night. I thought we could hit up one of your dad’s nightclubs and have some fun,” Isabel says, and approaches us. She has a few inches above me, and looks down at me with a smirk. “Look at you all dressed up so sexy tonight, and for Jason...”

I frown and look between Jason and her.

“He is your brother, you know?”

Isabel cringes and grabs Jason’s arm tightly. “Please tell me nothing is going on between you and your sister. That is sooo disgusting!”

I look to Jason and plead with him through our eye contact to say something. Say anything to her! I know Isabel’s right, and that Jason is my brother but he’s also my stepbrother. I also want him to admit that I’m not the only one who is flirting between us...if that’s what we’re even calling it.

I can’t be the only one who has feelings right now. Jason must have them, too.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I don’t have feelings for her! Y/N, you’re my fucking sister, and I think it’s gross as fuck that you’re trying to fuck me. I mean, God damn! We’re family!” Jason taunts. He acts repulsed and pretends to puke in front of me.

Isabel giggles and the two of them laugh their asses off at me. Don’t get me wrong. There is a questionable amount of pain in my chest at what Jason said, but my inner bitch is clawing her way out of my head and I may or may not be responsible for whatever happens right now.

“That’s a bit rich coming from you, Jason. As of this morning, you’ve made it perfectly clear that I’m not in your family. So, if we’re not family, then we’re nothing to each other,” I say with a bitchy grin.

Jason and Isabel aren’t laughing anymore. As a matter of fact, they’re completely shocked at me.

“Oh, and for the record Isabel, there’s absolutely NOTHING going on between Jason and me. I know he’s my brother. I’m not even denying that. But as for him,” I say, gesturing over to Jason, who is staring me down hard. “He doesn’t see me a sister. If anything, he might want to fuck me. He’s completely obsessed with making me hear him fuck other girls. His behavior is disgusting because he’s supposed to be my brother! What he’s trying to do to me is borderline illegal!”

Isabel jerks her head over to Jason. “What is she talking about, Jason?!”

“Go on, Jay. Tell her. Tell her how you always stare at me, tease me, and how you’re always talking about sex with me!” I urge him angrily.

Jason’s eyes darken and for a second, I’m kinda scared of him. He clenches his jaw. “I rather get castrated by the Joker, than ever fuck you, princess.”

It’s like everything around me freezes. My smile shifts into a frown and my confidence is taken away fast like a toy from an adult. Isabel scoffs and shakes her head at me. My cheeks burn with humiliation and I just know I won’t hear the end of this from either of them, especially Jason.

I don’t know whether I’m more embarrassed of the fact that Jason claims he rather get castrated from the Joker, the psychotic clown villain in Gotham than have sex me, or if the thought of having sex with me in general is just so...unbearable.

I didn’t think I was so unfuckable until now.

“That’s fine with me. I rather fuck Dick than you, because he’s Bruce’s favorite son and he’s more of a man than you’ll ever be,” I spit out before turning to run back into the mansion.

——————————————————————————

I slam my bedroom door again for the second time today, but I don’t care. Rage is fucking pumping through my blood and I need a fucking release before I lose control.

Ripping off my clothes until I’m down to my lacy bra and thong, I climb up my big bed and reach into my nightstand to get my dildo and lube out. The thick, veiny replica of a man’s penis is what I’ll have to take out my frustrations on.

I throw myself down; my head hitting the pillow and my hair fanned out around me in a sexy manner as if I’m ready to get my brains fucked out. Popping open the lube, I squeeze a good amount in my hand to smooth it over my dildo. Tossing the lube somewhere on my bed, I pull my thong to the side to reveal my bare pussy.

My fingertips rub up and down my folds. I’m so wet that I know I can slip a finger or two in without any resistance.

“I fucking hate him so much,” I mutter under my breath.

Jason is literally the only guy who could piss me off and make me want to fuck him into submission.

Maybe he could even fuck me until I’m down on my knees for him.

Closing my eyes, I start to push my dildo into me. My walls squeeze around the toy tightly as I gasp at how good it feels to be full.

“Fuck...” I choke out in overwhelming pleasure.

“Fuck princess...”

My eyes shoot open and I’m completely horrified to discover Jason Fucking Todd is standing in MY bedroom, with his mouth hanging open in shock and with wide eyes, and his Fucking hand rubbing against his prominent bulge.

“Jason...what are you doing in my room?” I struggle to say, as I continue to push and pull my dildo in and out of my pussy fast. I just can’t stop. I can’t find it in me to stop when Jason is in my room watching me.

He quickly closes my bedroom door with his foot and makes his way towards my bed to stand directly in front of me. I use my other hand to caress my tits that I so badly want to free from my bra.

“I came to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N,” Jason begins but trails off when he watches intently when I pull out the dildo and he can see all my slick coated on the sex toy. He licks his bottom lip and bites it. “You’re right though. I don’t see you as a sister or a part of this family because the way I feel for you isn’t the way a brother should feel. I-I never meant to hurt your feelings. I just...I tried so hard to not to fucking fall for you but I did and I can’t stop.”

I look up and notice Jason’s eyes are wet. Despite his usual cocky behavior and sexual advances, he was standing here before me and he appears to regret everything.

I sit up and lean back on my elbows. I drop the dildo in between my open thighs and I force myself to look up at Jason. I expected to see him staring at my obvious insanely wet pussy but his beautiful emerald green eyes were locked on my eyes.

“I really thought you hated me,” I whisper, afraid to hear what Jason says that might hurt me again.

“Oh sweetheart, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. The only person I hate is myself, and that is something I’ve been doing for most of my fucking life,” Jason admits. He tries to smile but it falls when he sees I’m not.

Jason crawls onto my bed and stops as soon as he’s in front of my legs. He’s immediately nervous; his shaky hands run up my knees and stops until he reaches my closed thighs. He keeps his eyes on me.

“Listen to me, Y/N. You’re right. I’m a fucking asshole. I’m always a dick to you and that isn’t right. I’m sorry for everything I’ve said and done to you, and I know sorry won’t even make up for all the hurt I’ve caused you. Just...please,” he whispers and reaches for my hands. He holds them tightly. “Please give me a chance to show you how much you really mean to me. One chance. Please?”

I know our fight is both our faults, and if one chance can fix this, I’m game.

“Okay, you get one chance Jay,” I say and with an evil smirk that I can’t help, I open my thighs and I pat my pussy. “You want a chance? Make me cum. With your fingers. With your mouth. If you can make me cum so hard, you can do whatever you want to my body.”

Jason’s eyes darken with lust. He licks his lips and he gives me his usual shit eating grin. “Oh princess, you are aware of my oral fixation for pussies don’t you? I’m going to make you cum so hard that you’ll be begging to be mine!”

[sneezy-cheeseloaf]

recounting the entire avengers: endgame movie, which i only saw once when it came out, from memory

because i just took the SAT and i want to do anything except think about that so get ready for a fun ride full of holes and my reenactments of scenes and quotes that i remember from however many years it’s been now since endgame came out. buckle the fuckle up

movie opens, clint’s whole ass family fucking dies. cue killing spree fueled by grief and anger. HashTag Relatable

tony is floating through space with nebula and teaching her how to play paper football

holy shit is this how tony dies

“pep” ouc h

oh hey he’s home, dope

The Gang (tm) learns where thanos’s farm is somehow i can’t really remember

“perhaps i judged you too harshly”

“???? thor????” “what? i went for the head”

“five” five what?? days?? weeks??? months???? oh boy i can’t wait to find ou- “years later” HUH???????

steve looks the exact same, so i guess he kept up that workout schedule even through the snap. i mean good for him honestly

and is also running a talk therapy group like sam did

a single smidgen of gay representation but it’s a good start ig

i don’t really remember what everyone else was doing, i just know that tony and pep have morgan now but idk if that gets revealed now or later

the only reason we had a movie is because of a rat. everyone say thank you to Rat for releasing scott lang, please. round of applause

scott’s daughter is all grown up and catch me sobbing over the fact that he wasn’t there to see it

somewhere in here nat is crying and eating a sandwich and honestly girl same

“hey!!! it’s me!!!! scott lang!!! ant man???? also what the hell happened???? lemme IN”

cue scott lang having a single brain cell and bringing up time travel. i think it was him that proposed the idea. maybe not. but imma give him credit

oh yeah bruce and hulk are besties now and bruce is just permanently Like That

and cue everyone being shook at the idea of time travel

time to go see Science Man at his house on the lake

“i wish you had come for anything else.” ouch

gang leaves dejectedly

peter. that’s it. and suddenly tony is all hands on deck

cue science mumbo jumbo in the middle of the night while he eats something out of a bag that i can’t remember

“shit!!” “sHiT!!!” “NO”

“i love you 3000″

Science Man reveals that he has, indeed cracked the code to literal time travel

cue nat, the only person with an umbrella, going to find clint who is busy with murder, as he does

“don’t do that. don’t give me home” stfu budapest man and get in the car.

thor has. enlargened. and is now playing fortnight with korg as a means to cope with what happened plus losing loki, as i think we all would

The Gang is back together and working (surprisingly) coordinately and throwing ideas around and it’s actually very cute. and it makes my heart very happy. and i want to cry every time i think about it because we all know what comes next

scott’s taco gets blown away. bruce gives him another. all is well in the world

and in this exhibit we see the only brain cell in the whole group, which is being used by rhodey at all times

“why don’t we just,,,, (choking motion)” “to a BABY???”

during the time tests someone gets reverted to a baby but i don’t remember who and it’s highkey disturbing

“i consider this an absolute win!!”

cue slo mo walk with the cool white time suits that everyone looks so good in

“see you in a minute” that smile. she looks so happy. sobbing

i think it’s in here that all the color go through steve’s eyes, so let’s just take a minute to acknowledge how pretty he is

“just for the record, that suit did nothing for your ass.” “i don’t remember asking you to look”

“that’s america’s ass.” yes it is scott you’re absolutely right

“i cOuLd dO tHiS aLL dAy” “yeah i knoOoOW”

time for tony to give tony a heart attack and then just stare in what i can only assume is amusement. i’m pretty sure that comes after america’s ass but maybe not

somewhere in here steve is just staring at peggy through blinds and it’s sad when you see it but when you think about it afterwards, it’s so funny for no reason

time to get whacked by a very angry hulk who was not allowed to use the elevator

“NO STAIRS”

tony goes flying. so does the tesseract. loki, in handcuffs, is like “oh bet this is mine now” and. Leaves.

i���m pretty sure it’s bruce who goes and gets schooled by The Ancient One on the multiverse, and i say it’s bruce because i think he’s the only one out of The Gang who could ever actually wrap his head around it

i don’t remember exactly how they get the tesseract but they do

thor and rocket are in asgard and thor has a panic attack, as I think we all would if we had to talk to our dead mother and pretend like we don't know what's going to happen

and remember kids, slapping someone is not the way to handle a panic attack. anyways

a mother always knows

"i'm still worthy!!!!" you always were, thor. you never stopped being worthy

and we have our hammer back

cue sobbing on vormir

“clint. it’s ok. it’s ok.” that smile.

nat’s fucking dead and i’m fucking dead inside let’s keep this party goin

other stones are recovered and i don’t really remember how but hey we got all six

“where’s nat?” cue more sobbing from me and from clint as you can see each and every team member’s heart drop to the fucking floor. especially steve

yeah maybe we’re doing this for half the universe and all the people we lost, but mostly for nat now

tony’s makeshift infinity gauntlet has entered the chat

Green Man is the only one who can physically take the power of the stones, so the fate of literally everything they have ever done up to this point is on him

snap rest in peace bruce’s arm

cue every single person in the theater holding their breath

“guys. it worked.”

cue explosion as their facility gets bombed and i am terrified that it has killed the entire gang

but it obviously has not and i am once again a Class A Idiot

i can't remember if it’s steve or tony who wakes up first but one shakes the other awake and is like “get the fuck up bitch idk what just happened but we got a problem”

everyone is mostly fine. but they’re all alive and that’s what matters

and now we have the setting for the entire rest of the movie basically

oh hey thanos. that’s uh. that’s a big army you got there

i don’t really remember everything that happened with The Past thanos, gamora, and nebula but i remember that gamora once again sees what a twat her adoptive father is and is like “oh hell na”

cue the gang fighting for their lives against Past thanos. literally

oh shit thor’s about to be killed????

OH MY GOD HE HAS THE HAMMER

cue the theater screaming as they should

hell yeah. bonk that giant space grape with the god of thunder’s hammer. you go steve. and look like a badass doing it as you should

shit’s still fucked and they eventually get their asses handed to them one by one

somewhere in here the shield breaks just like we saw in age of ultron. and like damn bro i liked that thing

steve stands up by himself because bitch. you cant kill him unless he says so. he dies on his own terms. he didn’t live for over a fucking century to die like this

our mans is standing up against a whole ass army knowing full well that he can’t win but damn if he aint ready to try

“ok listen strange. you have to open the portal to his left. his LEFT. you hear me???”

“steve. STEVE. on your left.”

cue the most goosebump-inducing scene that i have ever seen and probably will ever see. i would do anything to see that scene for the first time again. that feeling was like nothing i’ve ever experienced

the amazing symphonics are NOT helping my already-about-to-explode-from-excitement heart

now the gang’s ALL here. and we all cry because all of our peeps are back from the dead and we all missed them and highkey grieved for them after infinity war

i can’t remember if steve actually sees bucky yet but i think he does and i wanted to cry on the spot because not only did i miss bucky but man did i just want them to see each other again

cue sick pan of the whole ass marvel roster like smash ultimate, including howard duck somewhere in there

PETER OUR BOY SWINGIN ON IN

“AVENGERS. assemble.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

but we all know damn well that not a single person could hear him whisper that shit. like steve bro speak up a little

and the battle for the ages commences

we get to see all our favorite boys are girls fuck shit up and it’s absolutely incredible. wow it really feels like someone’s missing who could that be.

this is now a very elaborate game of keepaway

“catch” “Catch” “CATCH “CATCH”

“hey queens” he remembered. catch me cryin

“hey peter. got somethin for me?” god i love her. flew through a whole ass spaceship. no stoppin her

t'challa remembers clint's name. he did care

oh yeah scott is fucking humongous again, but third time’s the charm ig. maybe he won't pass the fuck out this time

somewhere in here, strange starts holding like. an entire ocean back and i dont really remember where it came from

we get a whole segment of marvel women kicking ass and taking names and i think i just need to take a minute. WE collectively need to take a minute

carol flies straight through a spaceship and everyone is like ???? hello????? where have you been?????????

carol gets literally headbutted by thanos and doesnt move a fucking inch. and that look of murder in her eyes. she could tell me to walk into a pit of lava and i would not question it. the power

“launch the missiles!!!” “but sir, our army-” “DO IT”

damn thanos our expectations for you were low but holy fuck

somewhere in here i think petter quill sees Past gamora and is like gamora???? and she like kicks him in the balls or somethin and is like “this is the ones i picked?????”

the fight continues and honestly a lot of it’s a blur but damn was it not the coolest thing i’ve ever seen. 

cue strange knowing exactly how this was gonna go down, and holding up a single finger

i dont think ive ever seen that look on tony's face before

oh shit thanos has the gauntlet and all the stones. fuck.

wait holdup that gauntlet looks a little funky

WAIT HOLDUP

“i am inevitable”

“and i. am iron man.”

the theater, once again holds its breath

all is lowkey calm and everyone is shook

thanos’s entire army slowly fades away. including one of those big worm things that almost eats (i think it was) rocket but like. dusts right as it hits the ground and is a really cool shot

and thanos sits down on a rock. and finally is gone. and it's so cathartic

oh joyous day!! they’ve won!! they’ve done it!!! wait holdup where’s tony. i remember what happened to bruce where the fuck is tony

wait

wait hold on

wait hold on a minute

“we did it. we won, mr stark. we won. please, mr stark”

“pep.”

“it’s ok. you can rest. you can rest.”

i have officially passed away and am a sobbing mess. you can’t do this to me. he’s gonna come back. there’s no way. tony stark doesn’t die. no.

this is a fucking funeral. i am going to combust into tears

“proof that tony stark has a heart”

i just wanted him to be able to see morgan grow up.

but him and nat are eating shawarma together in the sky now.

“i’m recording this in case something goes wrong, which it won’t.”

“i love you 3000.”

oh we’re still rolling. oh we don’t even get a minute to process

steve is leaving??? wait holdup we cant lose both. no

“are you sure about this?” “i have to”

“i’m with you til the end of the line” so that was a fucking lie

but steve deserves to do what makes him happy. so i can’t be too mad. actually, nah i aint even mad i’m just sad

bucky looks so dejected. so sad. someone please give him a hug. he desperately needs it

oh hey steve. but you’re old now. hey then, grandpa. how did you. get there

buck and sam go talk to him as they should

“you wanna talk about her?” “no, i don’t think i will”

“how does it feel?” “like it belongs to someone else”

sam has officially inhered the shield, and by extension, his very own bucky barnes. it’s a packaged deal

clint’s got his family back. and they can finally finish their picnic or whatever they were doing at the beginning of the movies

and steve finally got that dance. finally. and he looks so happy. so content.

and that’s about all i remember

i have not watched endgame since i saw it in theaters when it came out because i absolutely do not have the emotional stability to do it again. but damn the disney plus shows have been bangin

i hope you enjoyed the ride, thank you for joining me in my. whatever the fuck this is

[lovelyirony]

Through flames and oceans (for the fic title)

u know. this was supposed to not go the direction it did. but it did. 

People say they will do a lot for love. They will walk through flames, cross an entire ocean for love.

Bruce tells himself that that’s the stupidest fucking thing people say. He, for one, will not do that. There is also the unspoken reason of that love really isn’t in the cards for him.

Currently, he’s running away from his ex-girlfriend’s dad, General Ross, because he may or may not have done some experimentation and turned into a rage monster, but also revealed some state secrets.

Come on, can you blame him? Cosmo said twenty-year-olds need to accomplish something before they hit thirty. And he’s quite sure he just made the list.

But as for love, he is thinking about it right now because his ex-girlfriend found a very nice girl named Valkyrie, and they’re kind of set to have an engagement party, and “would you please come to the United States to help us celebrate?”

Betty is a wonderful woman, really and truly. And Bruce is okay with how their relationship ended, because it’s not like Bruce could come to family dinner and expect anything besides murder or maybe cold potatoes. And Betty deserved someone far better than him, and from the picture that was sent, it looks like Valkyrie is an amazing catch.

But there is the small matter of making it to the States without getting caught. He is on quite a lot of “no-fly” and “travel restrictive” protocols. This sucks, by the way. He had frequent flier miles saved up and everything.

It sucks, at least, until he remembers Tony’s number and calls it.

(Tony had given him his number, but sometimes he forgets that four and nine are two distinctly different numbers.)

“Brucie, baby! What can I get for you? Don’t worry, the government hasn’t been able to tap my phone calls since I was seventeen and mostly joking about finding out where their secret weapons storage is.”

“Betty’s having her engagement party, and I’m invited. I kind of need a ride home.”

“Where are you located at, right now?”

“Buenos Aires.”

“You lucky son of a bitch, god I miss it there. You having a good time?”

“When I’m avoiding government agents, yes.”

“Hm, well i’m sending a new employee of mine to go and get you. Big guy, probably Swedish.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t presume if someone’s Swedish or not, Bruce. I’m a terrible person, but not that terrible.”

“I...I don’t follow your sense of humor.”

“No one does, that’s why celebrities call me avant garde and ahead of my time.”

“Good to know. What’s your new guy’s name?”

“Thor.”

“Are you...are you fucking with me?”

"Darling, you’d be having a much better time if I was.”

“I don’t like the energy we’re manifesting here,” Bruce deadpans.

Tony snorts. “Okay, hippie. He’ll be there by tomorrow morning. Just stay tight where you are, sugar.”

-

Thor is a gigantic man. He parts crowds like it’s what he was meant to do, and maybe it is. Bruce stares up at him.

“Hello Dr. Banner,” Thor says, smiling gently. “You are Dr. Ross’s friend, right?”

“Um...yeah. I am.”

“Excellent. I’m a friend of Valkyrie’s, is it okay if I go ahead and fly out to the airport nearest their house?”

“Uh, is Tony okay with that?”

“Of course. And we can stop at your house if you need anything.”

“Oh, I don’t have a house. Or an apartment. You would not believe how much the US government hates my credit score.”

Thor chuckles a little bit, leading him back to a nondescript car.

“Right this way.”

-

Thor is cool as a cucumber on the outside, as they’re driving. He’s mindlessly tapping on his phone as Bruce stares out the window.

Inside? Oh, Thor hates Val for this. So much.

so, you didn’t think to send me a picture of dr. banner? just the address?

lmaooooo called it. betty owes me something now. fuckin nerd. just ask him out.

no. we still have to bypass american security

which you are “old hat” at. or did i forget that you nearly almost charmed the pants off of one of the airline people?

we don’t speak of that.

relax. stark’s taking care of it anyway.

The airplane ride home is uneventful, thank god. One of Tony’s jets awaits, and the pilot is very surprised to see a man who ranks number four on America’s Most Wanted List to be there.

“You...you know Tony?”

“And you know what an NDA is,” Tony announces over the intercom. “Bruce, welcome. Mimosas are premade, in stock. Sit back and enjoy the ride! Thor, you do what you gotta do to make sure Bruce stays safe. Enjoy the bridal shower!”

The pilot is a bit apprehensive. But mostly okay. Bruce promises nothing’s going to happen, he’s just going to drink tea and catch up on news about the current state of things.

Bruce gets bored with finding out that things are still terrible, so he talks to Thor.

“So...are your parents just really into Norse mythology, or did they know you’d come out a huge guy who has the potential to probably stop Ragnarok?”

Thor chuckles, the laugh rumbling and deep.

(Okay, that’s hot.)

"My parents’ names were Odin and Frigga. You could say they were traditionalists when it came to my brother and I.”

“You mean...?”

“He embodies the name a bit too well for my taste, but yes.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“Yeah. Let me tell you about the time we accidentally crashed a fashion week thing...” 

Bruce laughs a lot about that story. Thor’s laugh is majestic, and they sit a little bit closer. 

-

By the time the plane lands, they’re great friends and Thor reaches over Bruce in the baggage area and wow that man has very defined muscles. 

Not that that’s important. No, that’s like. Not important at all. So what if Thor is very well-muscled and maybe this will play into Bruce’s intrusive thoughts/daydream thoughts at later intervals? Does not matter. At all. 

(Oh god the man smells like salty ocean air Bruce has got it so so bad. So Bad.) 

- 

Tony greets them at the landing pad with a wide grin, eyes lighting up. 

“Well, don’t you two make the happy couple,” he teases. Bruce turns red. This does not go unnoticed. 

“Bruce, honestly, you run away from government and my friendship, and this is what gets you--” 

“A bridal shower? To get me home? Yes,” Bruce says, cutting in not-at-all smoothly. “Now, where are Betty and her bride staying at?” 

“Oh, they’re staying at the cutest little bed and breakfast for their bridal shower. Rented out the whole thing--well Pepper did, it was our wedding gift to them, and of course I mean Pep’s wedding gift, because I have something else planned-” 

“Please tell me that you do not have a house bought for them,” Thor says. 

“Complete with a laboratory and gymnasium,” Tony says with a wink. “I’m kidding, they already have a house. I just kind of kicked them out for a week while I remodel their entire kitchen. Val gave me the colors, I was surprised that she has taste.” 

“If she hears you say that, she’ll kick your ass.” 

“Which is why she won’t,” Tony reminds Thor. “Now, let’s get to unpacking. Bruce, I’m getting you some good shampoo, holy shit your hair sucks.” 

“Thank you Tony, I love and value our friendship and our kindness towards each other as well,” Bruce deadpans. 

“Oh come on, you have to look good. It’s your ex’s wedding party!” 

“You make us sound so dramatic,” Bruce says with a snort. “We broke up. Big deal.” 

“You and Betty...?” Thor asks. 

“Yeah, but it’s fine. We were dating, and then I pissed off her dad, who happens to be a general. I mean, also the government. But mostly her dad.” 

“Wow.” 

Thor’s type shouldn’t be feral scientist. But it is. 

They’re led inside, and Tony bids them goodbye. 

“Duty calls,” Tony says airily, waving. “Make yourself at home, don’t put coffee grounds down the disposal or I will kick you out. Rogers is still nursing his wounds.” 

“Noted,” Bruce says. 

“I drink tea,” Thor answers. 

Bruce shares a look. 

“You too?” 

“Yeah, I prefer it over coffee most of the time.” 

Bruce smiles. 

“I think we’re going to get along.” 

- 

They have a couple of days until the wedding party, and Thor has never seen New York. Bruce is fairly sure that no one will even see him on the CCTV footage as long as he’s walking next to Thor, so he deems it good enough to go and get a bagel. 

Thor is a very gentle man. That’s a good quality. 

He smiles at a little girl, who is staring, open-mouthed. Even gives her a little wave. Bruce grins. 

“You like kids?” 

“I do. They mostly just want to have fun, want to see what the best of the world is. I think we all need that occasionally.” 

“I’ve never thought of that,” Bruce confesses. He takes a sip of his coffee.

“I love watching my cousins,” Thor continues. “The way they grow and figure it all out, it’s rewarding. What about your family?” 

Bruce freezes. 

“Um. I don’t exactly have a family.” 

“Then you’ll just have to meet some of my cousins,” Thor amends, smiling as he sips his drink. “You’d like them.” 

“I’d like that,” Bruce says, grinning. “What’s next on our New York agenda?” 

"I told Loki I’d visit some stores for him and pick up some items he’s been wanting.” 

-

Have you ever seen a sales associate from Chanel be terrified at your presence? No? It’s worth it. 

Bruce is kind of concerned. 

“I...are you...?” 

“My name is Robert, uncanny similarities,” Bruce responds. “We both were born in Ohio.” 

“Why is it always Ohio,” Thor mutters. “You reckon my brother would want this shoe or that?” 

“Ooh, definitely go with the heel. I think that’s good.”  

“Gotcha.” 

Next shop is Dior. 

This goes a bit out of hand. His whole line about being Robert with Incredible Similarity does not go as planned. 

He and Thor are on a subway, currently running away from some authority figures and calling Tony. 

“I was in the middle of learning drama about high society that I can use in my next romance novel, are you joking?” Tony hisses. 

“You write romance novels?” Thor asks. 

“Now is not the time to question that, I’m in the middle of making sure you get a car to your next stop. How well do you both know what a Chrysler is?” 

“The building, right?” 

“God, I hate you so much,” Tony groans. “No, um...it looks like the wing things that they give army people when they do something that I guess they think is cool.” 

“Oh. Okay. Get in that car?” 

“Yes. It’s gonna be red with silver detailing.”

“Tony, they’re gonna know it’s us.” 

“Believe me, they won’t. Trust me.” 

- 

So as it turns out, it’s not the most ostentatious vehicle. 

Because Tony pulls up in a lifted pick-up truck, painted a sparkling, neon green with bright orange wheels. 

It is the ugliest goddamn thing Bruce has ever seen. Also the most effective. 

Thor nearly shoves Bruce into the car, and they’re sitting too close, and Bruce probably shouldn’t be focusing on the fact that Thor’s hair is now artfully messy, but here he is. Doing that. 

“So, sorry that before the wedding shower we’re being hunted down by the government.” 

“Not the worst thing that I could be doing on a Friday,” Thor says with a shrug. “I think you’re just about the most interesting person I’ve met, Bruce.” 

He smiles at him. Bruce’s heart skips a beat. He can’t tell if it’s because of the eye contact or the fact that they’re in close proximity. Maybe both. 

“You wanna go on a date after all this?” Bruce blurts out. 

He does. And as soon as he says it, he kind of regrets it because they’re in a car with glittery silver interior seats and he’s also in pants that have seen better days, and his hair is a Mess. 

(Also self-esteem issues, but Bruce is used to that so he’s not counting it.) 

“Like, after we get home or when the government gives up on finding you?” 

“I don’t know. Whichever one comes first?” 

“Technically, I think I count as army jurisdiction, and military budget is a fountain of money.” 

“Ah. Then home it is. How do you feel about ordering in?” 

“Mm, sounds good,” Bruce says, grinning. “You’re the best.” 

“Well, I certainly try,” Thor says, grinning right back. “You wanna go to Betty and Val’s shower together?” 

“Yes. Do we have to amend our ‘how-we-met’ story?” 

“Not at all. Valkyrie used to run an underground fight ring. She knows the feeling.” 

“How has that not come up in conversation?” 

“We were kind of preoccupied trying to figure out what a Chrysler car looked like.” 

“Oh, true.” 

- 

At the wedding party, Bruce and Thor are very happy. Betty and Val roll their eyes and laugh as they talk. 

“Leave it to my dad to ruin everything,” Betty gripes. 

“Well he didn’t ruin this party or my meeting Thor,” Bruce defends. “Besides, you know what happens if he steps a foot near you.” 

Betty grins. 

“You serious?” 

“Can’t promise you’ll get your security deposit back, but yes.” 

Betty pulls him into a hug. 

“You’re too sweet to me.” 

“Yeah, tell me that after he steps on the limousine.” 

“Eh, I wouldn’t worry,” Thor says, grinning. “I think Tony has some sort of security feature worked in.” 

“Oh, he does,” Val says. “He’s threatened to pull some of the contracts for safety gear. Won’t go through with it, but Ross can’t touch the wedding. Best gift ever.” 

- 

When the party gets late, Thor and Bruce are sitting out on the porch. Clean-up is happening, and they’re taking a break. Thor thinks that Bruce has never looked more beautiful in a rumpled yellow shirt, soft lights making his face glow. 

“I’m glad I met you,” Thor murmurs, moving a stray curl. 

“Really?” Bruce asks, smiling softly. “I think I’m glad I met you too.” 

- 

Bruce grins behind his door when they make it home. Thor had kissed him on the cheek, and while that wasn’t too big of a deal, it was a big deal to him. 

“See you in the morning, dear,” Thor had told him. 

He was going to be up half the night with that line running through his head. 

- 

A lot of people do a lot of things for love. Bruce still wouldn’t walk through flames, or swim across an entire ocean, but he’s starting to understand. 

[pink-bird-30]

RobStar Week 2020-Wedding Bells

Hi guys, I know I’m a day off for posting day 6 of RobStar week.  But if you saw my previous post, I had a sudden death in my family and I needed time to process it.  And I appreciate those who sent messgages in understanding.  I just didn’t feel right writing such a happy moment for Robin and Starfire while I felt so sad.

Nevertheless, I have finished writing yesterday’s prompt and I’m happy with it.  I wish I could write more on this, but then we’d be here for hours lol.

As always, my RobStar week postings are connected.  So please go read the other entires before this one.

I will be posting day 7 tomorrow even thought RobStar week has officially ended.  I just didn’t have it in me to write two stories today.

If you'd like to read all my entries in one sitting, here is a link to my FF.Net

(https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13635654/1/RobStar-Week-2020-All-Works)

Happy Reading!

-----------------

October 15, 2020

You are cordially invited to attend the wedding of Richard John Grayson & Kory Anderson.

Cyborg tucks his white and gold invitation into his tux as he and Beast Boy make their way to the groom’s suite.

“Yo, Vic.  Do you think he’s freaking out?”  Beast boy asks as he checks his reflection in every mirror they passed in the overly expensive hotel hallway.

Cyborg chuckles and rubs his hands together, “Dick freaking out over his wedding?  Man, oh man!  I hope so, I’m gonna need some sort of entertainment before the reception.”

The two laugh before knocking on the creme colored door that read ‘Groom’ and watched as it swung open, revealing a panic stricken groom.

“Thank god you’re both here, please tell me you have the rings.”

The word ‘rings’ hangs in the air for eternity.  Cyborg looks to Beast Boy, his eye growing wide, and Beast Boy looking at Cyborg with his mouth gapping.  

Oh Shit!!!!

Dick’s eyes widen before launching himself at Cyborg and Beast Boy, causing all three men to fall to the ground.

“WHERE ARE THE RINGS?!”

“Dick, man.  Just calm down.”  Cyborg tries to sit up but is knocked back down to the maroon carpet.

Dick gives him a pointed look, “Calm down?  Calm down!  Vic, this isn’t some mission where if I forgot my boa staff I still had my birdarangs as back up.  NO, THIS IS OUR WEDDING!”

Beast Boy turns a pale shade of green and tries to shake himself out of Dick’s hold, but he is no match for his angry leader’s strength.

Dick turns to Beast Boy next and seethed, “And you!  You thought it’d be smart to trust you both with such a simple task! ‘Rob, man.  You can trust us.  We gotchu.’ Ha!  Do you want to be the one to tell Starfire you left our rings halfway across the country?!”

The two Titans on the floor share a horrified glance, “No!”

“Good,”  Dick pushes off of them and gets to his feet, brushing off his dark blue tux pants and readjusting his suspenders and white dress shirt.

Dick storms back into his suit and throws himself onto the white couch.  He rests his elbows on his knees and his head falls into his hands.  The other two Titans cautiously walk inside the room and close the door behind them.

Cyborg approaches Dick warily before settling a hand on his shoulder, “Dick, we’ll get the rings.  Don’t worry about it.”

He groans knowing it was impossible for them to get the rings now.  It finally started to get dark in Gotham and knew the ceremony is about to begin.

Dick drops his hands and falls further back into the couch, “How am I supposed to be a good husband to Kori when I can’t even make sure the rings got here today?  What if it’s a sign, what if we’re not supposed to get married today, what if-“  Dick was cut off by a green hand slapping him across the face.

Beast Boy pulls Dick by his shirt and shakes him, “Pull yourself together man!  What do you mean, ‘How am I supposed to be a good husband’?  Dude, you fucking worship the ground that woman walks on and have taken care of her since day one.  There is no one else that would be a better husband for her than you.  So stop your whining and get your shit together!”

From besides him, Dick could hear Cyborg let out a low ‘Oh damn’.

Beast Boy slowly lets go of Dick and steps back quickly, afraid he’ll come to his senses and attacked him for slapping him.

Dick lets out a long breath, “You’re right.  I’m just nervous and I don’t want to mess this up.  She means too much to me.”  Dick smoothed out his shirt again and stands up.  He makes his way to his nightstand and pulls out his cellphone.  He quickly dials the one person he knew could help them out of their bind.

Dick paces the room waiting for the phone to pick up, “Grayson!  Are you freaking out yet?!”

Dick lets out a huff and cuts to the chase, “Wally, are you still in Star City?”  His voice short.

“Yeah, what up?  I said I’d be there before the ceremony began.  I’m not like Barry who’d be too late.”

“I need a huge favor.”

“Oh?  And what might this favor be?”  Dick can hear the playful tone in Wally’s voice, but he doesn’t have the patience right now.

Cyborg sees the anger start to swell in Dick’s blue eyes, “Damn, Wally has a death wish right now.”  He said to Beast Boy.

“No kidding, dude is an idiot.”

Before Dick has a chance to rip Wally a new one, Cyborg takes the phone out of Dick’s hands and puts it on speaker, “Yo, KF.  We need you to go into the tower and into my room to grab Dick and Kori’s wedding bands.  BB and I forgot them last night before the bachelor party.”

Wally paused on the other end of the phone before responding.  “Holy, shit.  You guys forgot the rings?  How are you two still breathing?!”

Beast Boy frowned, “Dick didn’t hurt us too much-“

“Not dick,” Wally cut in. “I thought for sure Kori would have torn you both in half.”

The room grew silent.

Wally howls with laughter on the other end of the phone, “You mean to tell me Kori has no idea you forgot the rings?  Dick, how are you not even married yet and already keeping secrets from your wife?”

“Wally.”  Dick warns.

Wally laughs again, “Alright, calm down Boy Wonder.  I’ll get the rings.”

Dick sighs in relief, “Thanks, Wally.  Now get here as soon as you can.  The ceremony is about to begin.”

“Roger that.”

And the call ends.

Beast Boy walks over to the fridge for a beer and pops it with his teeth, “See I told you it would work out.”

Dick glares at him and sends his shoe flying at his face.

“EEEPP!”

-------------------------

Kori sits still as the makeup artist puts the final touches on her look before she steps into her wedding gown.  Kori spent the week daydreaming about wearing this gown and walking down the aisle towards Dick.  It is a low back, sweetheart neckline mermaid gown with long lace sleeves and train.  The buttons on the back of her gown are small flowers with rhinestones that will glitter under the full moon.  The makeup artist added the lace and rhinestone veil to her hair.  Kori decided to wear her hair in a low braided bun with small star pins places throughout her auburn locks.

“Viola!  You are a bride!”  The makeup artist stood back to let Kori take a look in the mirror.  She felt herself tear up at her reflection.

“Oh!  I look most delightful, I am the grateful!”  She smiles at her helper through the mirror.

The makeup artists packs up her things and throws her bag over her shoulder, “In all my years of doing makeup, I neva’ thought I’d be doin’ makeup for Bruce Wayne’s son’s bride.  And I don’t think I’ve eva’ had sucha beautiful bride before, your beauty is out of this world!” she said in a thick Gotham accent.

Kori laughs to herself knowing that the makeup artist does not know where she was from.

“Thank you.” The makeup artist smiles at her one last time, takes a few pictures for her portfolio, and leaves the room.

“Friend, Raven.  The artist of makeup has left.  You may reappear.”

Raven steps through the portal she opens in the wall and takes a seat on Kori’s bed.

“Good, I don’t think I would have taken another moment of, “Darlin’ you would look fabulous in pink!’ Yeck.”  Raven rolls her purple eyes.

Kori smiles at her friend and grabs her bouquet of  yellow and red tulips before turning to Raven.

“Is it the time, yet?”

Raven smiles at her friend knowing how big of a moment this is for her.  All she can think back to was that fated day she came crashing into Jump City and changed their lives.  Who knew one day she’d be attending Dick and Kori’s wedding.  Raven can only think back to the feelings the two of them were harboring for one another for years before Dick finally told her how he felt.  The only way Raven could explain it was like being high.  Every time she’d walk in a room, and they were talking, it was like getting hit by a wave, so quick and ready to drag her under.

She knew the feeling all too well herself, but is afraid of how she’d handle her emotions if she were to let herself feel that kind of love completely.

Stupid pointy eared man with the cute fang.

A knock at the door brought Raven from her thoughts.

Starfire squeals knowing who it is.  She pulls up the sides of her dress to prevent herself from tripping on the fabric and dashes to the door.  When she pulls it open, Bruce is standing there adjusting the cufflinks on his black tux.  He looks up to see Starfire smiling at him and he couldn’t help but smile in return.

“Kori, you look stunning.”  He places a gentle kiss on her cheek.

Kori blushes slightly, “Thank you, Bruce.”

Alfred appears behind Bruce and smiles at the young bride, “Princess, you look quite marvelous in your gown.  But as the time precedes us, we mustn’t keep Richard waiting.  Don’t want him worrying, now do we?”

Starfire nods her head before turning around to grab her bouquet and pulls Raven from the room.

“Kori, slow down!”

------------------------------

It couldn’t have been a more perfect night for a rooftop wedding.  The full moon radiates high in the night sky, stark against the deep purple night.  Dick looks up, watching as a new stars appear as the moon travels through sky, going higher and higher.

Glancing across the rooftop, he takes note all the hard work he and Kori put into make this place special.  They spent hours hanging string lights across the rooftop for lighting.  It took two days making the floral lattice arch they would stand beneath when saying their vows, weaving red and yellow tulips all around it with sting lights.  The white chairs are all lined up with the chairs facing towards the aisle having small lanterns hanging from them, to light the path that Kori would be walking down.

All the guests started to come in from the cocktail hour and settle in their seats; Dick recognizes more than half of the guest as his fellow heroes. The remaining bunch were a few of Bruce’s board members that he invited to show good faith.  

Where the hell is Wally?!

Dick pulls back his dark blue tux sleeve to look at the time on his Rolex.

“Nervous?”

Dick looks up to see Raven.  She looks very nice in her deep purple strapless gown, which catches Dick off guard.  He notices a hint of makeup on her cheeks and lips, and her normally straight hair is hanging in lose curls.

“You look beautiful, Raven.  How’s Kori doing?”

Raven blushes and then slightly scowls, “You’re deflecting.”

Dick leans against the side of the roof and looks down to the city below.  It was strange to think that he’d been in Gotham twice this year.  Before he was engaged, he hadn’t come back to Gotham ever since he left when he was 16.

That seems like forever ago.

“Dick?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s time.”  Dick’s heart jumps into his throat as the quartet’s music flows across the roof.  Raven give Dick’s arm a pat before she walks back off the roof to accompany Beast Boy down the aisle.

Taking a deep breath, Dick sends a small prayer up to the stars.

I know you guys are here with me today, and I hope I’m making you proud.

Dick makes his way down the aisle, watching as Alfred takes his place under the lattice to officiate the wedding.  The butler smiles at Dick once he is settled to the left of him, waiting for the rest of the wedding party make their way down the aisle.

“Ready, Richard?”

Dick gives him a bright smile, “Yeah, I am.”

Cyborg and Bumble Bee begin the wedding by walking down the aisle.  It took some thinking, but Dick knew Cyborg was his best man.  He’s been there since day one for him, helping him to guide the team from the beginning, and being the friends he needed in tough times when he knew he couldn’t go to Kori.  They have each other’s backs.

Next, came Raven and Beasty boy.  Dick is surprised Raven is letting Beast Boy touch her as they walk down the aisle.  But from the looks on their faces, they seem to be comfortable with each other.

I’ll have to ask Kori about that later…

After they made their way down the aisle, the music transitions to ‘Here comes the bride’.  The doors in the back of the roof open revealing Kori in all her glory.  Dick is certain his mind blanked for a moment.  

She looks absolutely stunning.

Bruce offers his arm to Kori and she gladly takes it.

As Kori makes her way down the aisle her entire focus is on Dick.  She can see the emotion in his eyes as she takes one step closer to him.  He smiles brightly at her knowing he wants to commemorate this moment to memory and never let it go.  She watches as he wipes at his eyes, making her tear up a bit.

They’ve both come so far up until this point and it is finally happening.

As they reach the alter, Bruce steps in front of Kori to pull her vail over her head to reveal her face and places a kiss on her cheek.  He steps aside to give her hand to Dick’s, which he graciously takes before helping her up the remining steps to stand across from him under the floral lattice.

He brings her left hand up to his lips and brushes a kiss across her knuckles, “Hi.”

She couldn’t help but giggle, “Greetings.”

“Has anyone told you, you look absolutely gorgeous tonight?”

Kori pretends to think before smiling at him, “Perhaps not.  Although, I do not the minding of hearing it.”  

“Ahem,” Alfred clears his voice, trying to gain the attention of the bride and groom.  “if we are done with the pleasantries, may we continue.”

Dick nods.

Alfred goes into detail of Kori and Dick’s relationship, mindful to leave out how they really met just in case any reporters paid the staff for intel on the wedding.

“Do you, Richard John Grayson take Ms. Kory Anderson to be your wife?”

Dick rubs the back of her hands as he says, “I Do.”

“And do you, Kory Anderson take Mr. Richard John Grayson to be your husband?”

Kori sniffles, feeling the tears pool in her eyes.  “I Do.”

Alfred looks to the audience, “May we please have the rings.”

Dick’s eyes widen for a moment remember the debacle from earlier.

The rings!

As Dick was about to tell Kori what happened to their rings, Wally waltzes up the steps and hands Dick the ring box with his and Kori’s rings.  He gives Dick a pat on the back and whispers, “Told ya I’d get here in time.”

Dick shakes his head at Wally as he walks back down to his seat.  He hands Kory his ring and he takes Kori’s before sliding the box into his tux pocket.

“Repeat after me, ‘With this ring, I thee wed.’”

Dick places the ring on Kori’s finger, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

“Once more, ‘With this ring, I thee wed.’”

Kori places Dick’s ring on his finger and says, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

They’re eyes meet at the same time as Alfred finishes the ceremony.

“With the power vested in my granted by the City of Gotham, I now pronounce you husband and wife.  You may kiss your bride.”

Dick reaches forward and cups Kori’s face before pulling her lips to his.  In the distance there were cheers and applause for the new married couple.  As they pull apart the cheers slowed until Alfred stepped aside for everyone to see them.

“I now present Mr. and Mrs. Grayson.”  The room erupted in applause and whistles as they made their way down the aisle and into their new lives as husband and wife.

[jupitermelichios]

So I had to do overtime today, but I’m working from home and I’m not expected to make phone calls on weekends, so obviously I’m watching highschool musical 2 while i work.

I had not remembered that a major plot revolves around a) East High having a golf team and b) Troy having been on the golf team. Troy’s family can’t afford to send him to college without a scholarship. His dad has to buy a wreck and repair it rather than getting him a new car. But apparently they spend their weekends playing golf! Also highschool golf team.

I had also not remembered the scene where Sharpay has her minion kidnap Troy to watch a racist song and dance sequence that’s weird enough that’s it’s functionally a Rogers & Hammerstein style dream ballet but without the sleep/drugs framing device.

This is a minor thing, but there’s a couple of underwater shots that are supposed to be shot in the pool on the golf course but the pool they shoot in is insanely deep, like way deeper than a standard olympic pool. I assume it’s one on a studio lot they use for filming dramatic drowning scenes and stuff, but that doesn’t explain why they didn’t use the actual pool they had on the set.

They really show off how weird the choice of basketball as Troy’s sport was when they have a scene were college basketball people come to meet Troy, and they’re all 6ft black guys standing next to this tiny little white teenager. I assume the reason why it’s basketball is football doesn’t lend itself to coreography and basketball isn’t sexy enough? It’s still weird.

I’m still pissed that the girl who’s dark secret was her love of popping and locking can’t actually pop and lock. That seems like it would be a really easy thing to get right when you’ve got disney’s entire stable of stage school kids to draw on.

Holy shit I hadn’t remembered how gay the basketball scene was. Like, holy shit. This isn’t subtle and I really can’t believe that was an accident. Except that it’s the disney channel, so there’s no way it was deliberate. Also you’ve got to appreciate the irony of the basketball boys getting a dance routines scored to a song about how they refuse to dance.

I like how they were trying tomake it clear how spoiled Ryan and Sharpay are, but instead but gave them the ridiculously supportive parents who are completely devoted to supporting their kids despite the fact that their daughter is a sociopath and their son probably thinks Elton John could have done with more spangles. And also that translates into them also being super supportive of anyone their kids are friends with.

I’m assuming that the thought process behind this movie was ‘everyone thinks the twins are fucking, give Sharpay a love interest she’s not related to, dial Ryan’s queer coding up to 11, and make them fight, the rest will work itself out’

All of the costume design for these movies is amazing, it’s early 00s runway times 1000000, and I love whoever decided that Sharpay should unironically wear a tiara in every scene.

The overdubbing of the songs is seriously hit and miss, which adds to the already slightly weird tonal decision to make 70% of the songs diagetic, so it’s never clear what’s actually happening. Like, the baseball dance, probably not real, but Sharpay’s opening number? Who the fuck knows!

The biggest plot hole in this whole show is that both Troy and Gabrielle can read sheet music. Seriously why and when did either of them learn that? They could do it in the first one as well, so it’s not that they learned it for the unnamed musical.

It’s probably a lot less noticable if you’re a kid, but as an adult the fact that they repeat for or five songs over and over to pad the runtime and avoid having to write additional music really stands out.

I’m absolutely always here for dance sequences that are framed like bruce banner hulking out, but while HS2 is objectively a better movie than footloose, Efron is no Kevin Spacey.

Okay, so much of this film is redemed by the guy who’s like “why the fuck do you think we care about a musical tallent show, I’m a basketball player/pastry chef what the fuck do i care about musicals”

How the fuck did Troy learn an entire new song in the 2 minutes it took Gabriella to get changed? Also I know the answer is ‘dramatic reveals’ but why did no one tell the announcer that Sharpay would not be singing, that’s just a dick move.

Okay, so it’s cute that they get to do the final number, but as that annoying person who always has to point out the logistical problems of fictional stories, they’ve got like 300 guests eating a meal and the entire kitchen, wait and bar staff have all fucked off to do a tallent show. Are the guests supposed to let themselves into the kitchen and cook their own dinner?! Are we trusting them behind the bar now?!

Oh fuck you Ryan, I thought you were supposed to be good at this stuff, why is your group number a) a duet, b) staged in a way that means that actual audience can only see the backs of the performers! And then they give him the fucking trophy instead of Kelsie! What the fuck, movie?! I have seen a lot of dance movies, and I know you have to make the final number one no one has ever heard or rehearsed before, but there’s no justification for this! Sharpay gets a character developement moment, but it’s immediately followed by her being punished, which is just narritvely weird, and then the wildcats musical number that big chunks of the plot have been about never gets used.

Seriously the overdubbing. How is it this bad?! Also “enjoy this day because you’ll never get another’ is a weirdly threatening lyric for the closing song of a disney channel movie about the importance of friendship!

Honestly I actually really enjoyed it, and some of the songs are bops, but there’s a lot to unpack.

[tisthenightofthewitch]

GHOST ON HOW THEIR SATANIC CATHEDRAL TURNED INTO A FAMILY AFFAIR

Inside the extremely fun and incredibly satanic world of the pop-metal darlings.

Ghost have created something so special, you would almost think they struck a deal with the devil. Since their 2006 formation, the Swedish metal outfit have turned lyrics about defecating the holy eucharist into quaint singalongs, sold marital aids sculpted in the shape of their frontman’s head, performed on late-night TV to an audience of the demonically possessed and are currently playing stadium shows with Metallica—and all the while, they’ve only been giving it about 20-30%.

“This sounds like a joke, and I’m saying it sort of smiling, but it’s true—everything you’ve ever seen us do has always been a lesser version of what I had in mind. Always. 100%. So my original vision for everything is always twice as ambitious and goes through so many changes that we usually end up with 20 or 30% of it,” Tobias Forge says, also currently known as Cardinal Copia.

Forge, 38, is the Walt Disney figure “band boss” who conducts the decadent dark magic and weird whimsy that are Ghost—a band as humorous as they are blasphemous; as Beach Boys as they are Black Sabbath. They’re arguably the only group who can make an ABBA cover feel like it belongs on a record that contains a track about the conception of the Antichrist.

For those still uninitiated in the theatricality of the band’s iconography and public persona, Ghost are a band of nameless ghouls adorned in uniform black clerical garb and chrome-plated devil masks that are blank-eyed and devoid of mouths and any distinctive facial features. Forge has portrayed a different persona for each of the band’s records, always the demonic leader of the group. He’s been four versions of the satanic antipope, Papa Emeritus, over the course of their first three records and currently assumes the role of Cardinal Copia for their latest release, 2018’s Prequelle. Copia is a loose-skinned, expressionless creature of the Id decked out in a lavish tuxedo and inverted crosses galore, but regardless of the persona, the man behind the unholy imp strives to fully embody his role.

“What I like, especially when you’re stepping into a character, is never to be forced to step out of that character, which you have to do at times,” Forge says. “You allow yourself to become that weirdo onstage that dances ridiculously and does those things, and it just comes naturally. That gives me a kick because I personally transform into someone that I’m not really myself, at least when I’m sober. I’m not very much like that guy onstage in real life, but I can invoke that person by getting all that shit on, getting into character and going up onstage and that thing just happens. All of a sudden, I think differently, I say almost whatever comes into mind…it’s allowing yourself to just go on every impulse, and that’s what makes that character funny as well—he’s obnoxious.”

Throughout the history heavy music, there have been many theatrical bands, but Ghost are not only theatrical, they are theater. The band members are fully committed to their parts. The Nameless Ghouls are truly that—Nameless Ghouls; when onstage, Forge is absolved of himself and exists solely as Cardinal Copia. Forge’s full commitment to concept and character requires him to not only assume the roles of songwriter and frontman, but he also serves as the band’s chief playwright and director. Regardless of role or job description, Forge is, more than anything, an artist possessed by one thing: the idea of finding an unpremeditated flow.

“There is a narrative for every album cycle, and I do envision every show as a play, slightly more than your traditional rock ’n’ roll show even though we are a rock ’n’ roll band,” he explains. “It’s also, to the point, theatrical improvisation, in the vein of Bruce Springsteenwhere he asks the crowd, ‘What do you want to hear?’ That would not work with Ghost. It would disrupt the flow. It’s just not orchestrated that way. It’s not written that way. The setlists would crumble as soon as someone would yell out ‘Monstrance Clock,’ which is our last number. If we played that second, it would fuck up the whole thing. Whereas other bands and other artists, like Bruce Springsteen, have such a massive [catalog] of songs. He has so many ballads and so many uptempo songs that he knows that ‘I can play seven of them in the beginning, and it doesn’t matter because I still have 14 of them in the end.’ So he get away with doing four hours of that.

“As I said, I’m a stickler for flow,” he continues. “I really want it to flow like a Karate kata. I really want it to be like The Matrix when everything just slows down, and he just stands there. It just flows right through me. That’s what I want to achieve every night. So therefore, I regard it as a little bit more of a theater play where there’s a script, and my goal is to do it as fluently as I can without thinking. I don’t want to overthink things at all, and once I step into the character, I preferably want to stop thinking, because if I start thinking, then I start going through the moves, and I start faking it, and that’s what I want to avoid. By having a rigid setlist and a plan, I’m able to get myself and everyone else to do that.”

To many, the early allure of Ghost was how fully devoted the group’s players were to their parts, predicated on the clandestine charm of no one knowing the identities of the band’s members. The faces and names of Papa Emeritus and his Nameless Ghouls were completely shrouded in a secrecy that helped ease their fans into fully suspending disbelief and treating the presentation of the music with as much gravitas as a satanic clergy would command. In deep pockets of the sect, the name “Tobias Forge” had been whispered and attached to the Papa Emeritus character for most of their career, but it wasn’t until 2017 that Forge’s identity would be publicly confirmed as the ringleader of the group.

“I had come to a point in my life and in my career where not doing certain things was not doing me any favors,” he reveals. “It was making life hard, harder than I felt was necessary, and I just felt like now, almost 10 years into my career, the time and effort that I’m putting into the visual presentation should be so strong and so overshadowing whatever I do as a person on the side. So far, I’ve gotten the impression that that’s still the case. As long as I don’t overcompensate that, I don’t think that I will ever do anything that will overshadow the real focus of what I want Ghost to be.”

The 2019 Grammys provided Forge an opportunity to further challenge the public’s perception of Ghost. For the first time, Forge appeared in public as himself—stripped of all elements of pagan pageantry and accompanied by his wife. The couple walked the red carpet, posed for photos together and Forge conducted interviews without any trace of his Cardinal Copia alter ego.

“A lot of fans seem to embrace a lot of things that are mine, like my personal traits, and I’ve tried not to bring that into my presentation,” he shares. “But if they hold on to those and want to include it in their perception, there’s really nothing I can do about that. As long as they find that enriching or interesting, then…fine. The only thing would be those fans, who liked Ghost on the premise that it was something that they knew nothing about, and seeing my face on the red carpet may have destroyed all that and they don’t listen to Ghost anymore…OK. Too bad. These are the turmoils and tribulations that you stand in front of as an artist, you know? [Laughs.] You can’t let that dictate your life just because you’re aware of it.”

The meteoric rise of the band’s notoriety is nothing short of stunning. Throughout their career, the throughline of their material is the one thing they’ve never attempted to keep secret—this band make music about worshipping the devil. There’s nothing discreet or hidden. There is no veil of metaphor to pull aside, no subtlety. They write songs about Lucifer, and they perform on a stage that’s designed to give their audience the experience of attending a satanic church service. Throughout their catalog, they have songs that romanticize plagues, call for the coming of the Antichrist and very literally glorify the dark lord Lucifer, yet their latest release was sold in Target stores with two exclusive bonus tracks and a collectible lenticular album cover.

They’re the rare band who can fully embrace controversial and culturally taboo subject matter without listeners having to play their records backward to find it, yet they write such inherently catchy pop hooks that songs such as “Dance Macabre” are the perfect soundtrack for both your occult worship ritual after-party and something you could probably play if you were driving your mom to the grocery store. They’ve found a way to stay true to the Black Mass and still speak to the masses, and with that unique platform comes an extremely diverse audience and a fanbase who has grown out of the traditional heavy-metal demographic.

“When we’re playing bigger places for some reason, it’s a little more of a family event, to a certain extent,” Forge says. “The people are more in tune with the level that what we want to have it because we’ve been trying to get the point across that we want people to be excited. We want people to stand. We want general admission, big floor in front of the stage. I don’t like seeing frowns. I don’t like seeing feet, but you can’t start moshing. You can’t start hitting people. You can’t stage dive because there are kids everywhere, and there are small girls everywhere, and there are teenage boys and girls that cannot lift you because, you know, you’re a 40-year-old hardcore dude with a lot of muscle. You can’t jump on them.

“I think there’s often a clash sometimes—we are a metal band, originally,” he continues. “Sometimes there have been these clashes where you have the die-hard fans who’ve been with the band ever since [the beginning] who are used to going to metal shows only, and they want to claim Ghost as ‘this,’ and at a metal show, you do ‘this,’ and then you have this 15-year-old daughter of a dad, and they did not go to see Mayhem last week, and they were not at Slayer three weeks ago.”

In support of Prequelle, Ghost have been playing two-and-a-half hour sets with the ultimate goal of having their audience “come in overexcited and leave completely euphoric.” Currently, they’re touring as direct support for Metallica. The tour is further indication of the band’s rising celebrity, having earned the opportunity to play a one-hour set every night, but the gig has also posed a challenge to Forge’s ever-persistent pursuit of “flow.”

“It’s very different from the tours we’ve done so far in this cycle, because it’s supporting again,” he explains. “It’s stadiums. We’re playing for one hour, which is nothing for us. But the stage is four times bigger than an arena stage or a theater stage, so there’s a lot of real estate to cover, and it’s daytime. More often than not, it’s going to be maybe sunset, at best, but it’s going to be an afternoon or evening sun, straight in your face and also, not our crowd. It’ll be a Metallica crowd. They’re waiting for Metallica to play, so it’s a different vibe.”

Although touring in the Metallica support slot, Ghost have been afforded their full stage production setup, transforming the nightly stadium into a cathedral dedicated to Copia’s depraved church—giving the performers a fitting stage and the audience a fully immersive experience. Yet, despite the garish stage pieces and meticulously ornate sets that become more and more elaborate with his band’s growth, Forge heeds to the idea that with everything he does, what the audience sees is a compromised version of his initial vision. Whatever you see Ghost do is about 20-30% of what Forge wants it to be. Currently, Forge is fixated on the potential he sees in using the intermission during their two-hour set to elevate the show to the next level of theatricality.

“The idea with the intermission, originally, was for the stage to change so when we open up again, it would be a different stage. Things like that are what I’m aiming to do in the future if we can stay on an arena level, where we can bring our own stage. Then I would like to do that—whatever we started with ends up being something completely different. I want it to evolve. I want it to change, the same as when you go to see Phantom Of The Opera. They change the themes, and it takes you from A to F, and that’s what I’m hoping to achieve in the end. I think we’re doing a good job of getting people happy and euphoric, but I definitely think we could probably shift gears even more to get people completely euphoric when they leave. But it takes time, and there’s a lot of stars that need to align, and there’s a lot of things you need to work your way up to in order to have that consistency.”

So far, the stars have aligned for Ghost in ways that often never manifest themselves past the point of prayer. Their unlikely amalgam of occult phantasmagoria and radio-ready mass appeal is most likely a once-in-a-lifetime deal—but while it’s happening, Forge is fully devoted to serving Ghost’s congregation.

“I have no problem playing the same songs all the time as long as you have a crowd, as long as you have people there to do it with you,” he asserts.. “So that’s the one thing I’m always hoping for…happiness.”

The band’s latest Prequelle is available now here. Ghost are hitting a handful of U.S. festival weekends and returning in September for a full run. You can check out a full list of dates and tickets here.

ALL RIGHTS OWNED BY ALTPRESS.COM

[pineapple-qween]

Batman and the P.I.

Relationship: Batfam x Reader

Summary: You’re a private investigator and you were hired to get insight into the Wayne family.

Key: Y/N= your name, L/N= your last name

Warning: Language, mentions of abuse

A/N: This is like, fucking long bro. Have fun!

You sat in your office, going through old photo sets and deleting the bad pictures and enhancing the better ones then downloading them to two external hard drives. Hey, you never know what’s gonna happen and what you may need.

This is how you spend your off time, the occasional appointment popping up, but day time wasn’t when you did your work. You were a private investigator and you knew that most dirty deeds happened in the darkness of the night. You were decently well off, Gotham always seemed to be in need of a P.I., so you weren’t terribly worried when you had a more quiet day.

That was when he busted into your office.

“Are you Y/N L/N?”

Not bothering to look up from your computer, you yawned and replied, “Who’s asking?”

He slammed his hands on your desk. You lazily lifted you head to look at the man. He was a average looking businessman, his hair a little wild, his shirt was not tucked in and his tie was loose around his neck. “Are you, or are you not Y/N L/N?”

“Yeah,” your voice expressing your disgust, “And who the hell are you?”

“I’m Cole Roman and I need to hire you.”

You snorted, “Why else would you be in my office?”

“I’m not here to kid around. Listen, I know there is something up with Bruce Wayne, something weird, and I need you to figure out what it is.” You were about to laugh again, but his face was deadly serious.

“You’re serious about this, huh? Alright, sure. I’ll follow around the most important man in Gotham, but it’s gonna cost you. Big.”

Cole nodded solemnly and handed you a bag. You peeked inside. There was quite a few bundles of Benjamins. You looked back up at the man, nothing in his eyes wavered. 

“This’ll do. What information are you looking for?”

“I work at Wayne Enterprises in accounting and I’ve found some discrepancies in finances. I want to know where that money is actually going. I want to be able to expose him. Whatever he’s using that money for, it’s gotta be big and obviously expensive.”

“That’s a start.”

You infiltrated Wayne Enterprise three days later as a mail room attendant. It wasn’t too difficult and it gave you access to Cole Roman’s computer on an unrestricted basis. Every chance you got you would slip into his office and hack further into the Wayne Enterprise system, trying to get as much information as possible. That afternoon you made some big progress.

Tim noticed it first. Someone was getting further and further into the computer system, and one of his alarms triggered. Whoever it was seemed to be looking for the “Batman Expenses”, the nickname Tim had given to the expense reports that went to gadgets Bruce and Lucius worked on for Batman.

Slightly worried because of how close the person had gotten to the reports, Tim decided to pay a visit to Bruce’s office.

Tim approached the receptionist, “Hey Becca, Bruce in?”

Becca looked up from her computer and smiled. “Hi Timmy! Yes, Bruce is in, but he did ask to not be disturbed until lunch.”

“Well, can you let him know that it’s really important. Like, terribly important.” Tim gave her a pleading smile.

“Okay, okay! Give me one moment,” she held up a finger as she used the phone, “Yes, Hello Mr. Wayne. Mr. Drake is here, he says he has something important to discuss with you. Uh huh. Yes, I know. He was very insistent. I’ll let him know. Thank you!” She nodded to Tim and he thanked her then walked in.

“Tim,” Bruce stood from his desk and approached him, “What’s wrong?”

Tim explained the situation. As he talked, he watched Bruce’s face get more and more concerned. When he finished, Bruce had sat back down at his desk and steepled his fingers.

When Bruce finally spoke, his voiced was strained, “This is not good Tim.”

“I know that, why else do you think I came to you?” Tim’s hands flew up to his hair. “Bruce, what the hell are we gonna do?”

“We aren’t going to freak out. We need to figure out who is doing this. Come here,” he motioned for Tim to come to the other side of his desk, “We need to look into the usage data, see if we can track the IP address.”

Bruce began pulling up the advance computer accessing programs and Tim borrowed Bruce’s laptop and did the same, they both looked for irregular IP’s that may have broken into Wayne Enterprise’s systems.

Hours passed and they could find nothing irregular. Getting frustrated, Bruce leaned back in his chair. That was when he noticed the pattern.

“Tim do you see that?” Tim looked at Bruce confused. “Right there, and there. And again a few rows down.”

“Holy shit- yeah Bruce. But that’s...that’s one of ours.”

“We need to figure out who that is and fast.”

Your “shift” ended just an hour before sundown, when the real work begins. You left Wayne Enterprises, much more informed than when you entered and made your way back to your office. Once you go there, you wrote down all the numbers from the expense sheet you memorized, not that you really needed to, but sometimes it was helpful to be able to match the numbers with the pictures.

You got your camera and stealth supplies together and made your way to Wayne Manor. Slipping through the gate, you tip-toed over sensors and motion detectors to place yourself in a tree not to close to the building itself, but far enough to be able to get pictures of all the floors. You were slightly surprised that Bruce Wayne didn’t seen to have any blackout curtains on any of his windows, but you guessed he assumed no one could get past his security systems.

You waited patiently until you could see a fancy car pull up to the house around the corner. The driver exited and opened the passenger side door to release a boy, no more than ten, you listened to the boy complain about school as he walked into the manor. Damian Wayne, you thought, Not connected to the data, moving on. You took a closer look at the driver, he was an older man, well dressed. Alfred Pennyworth, probably connected, closer investigation. Not long after those two had enter the manor, another even fancier car pulled up. Bruce Wayne exited the driver side and Timothy Wayne exited the passenger side. Strong data connections, investigate both, you noted as they walked inside.

It was midnight before anything else of informational value happened. As you were scouting the manor, you noted two more men and two girls inside. You noticed Richard Grayson immediately, noting he probably has a strong connection. The other man wasn’t a normal associate of the Wayne family, he was a bigger guy with a white streak in his black hair. The girls were Cassandra Wayne and Stephanie Brown, girlfriend of Timothy, Cassandra was noted as involved but Stephanie was noted uninvolved. Weirdly, all of the people in the house appeared together in what seemed to be a study. You watched them through your camera trying to understand what was happening. It was hard to make out, but then something even more strange happened. They all walked behind the only thing obstructing your view and never returned.

It was bizarre. Every last one of them, gone. Even Alfred Pennyworth. This piqued your interest. You slowly made descent from your perch and slipped into the manor. Stepping lightly, you weaved through the maze of the manor and found the study. Looking around the door frame carefully, you found it was completely empty, like no one had ever entered. You wandered into the room and looked around, taking a few pictures here and there, and tried to find the spot that was obstructed from your tree view. You found it as the grandfather clock against the wall. You studied the clock, the time was wrong.

Carefully, you reached out and pushed the minute hand slightly. The clock shuttered and began to slide aside, revealing a hidden staircase. Refusing to let yourself back out, you began silently descending to a secret level.

“-breach is from within.” You could hear the tail end of someone’s conversation. You pressed yourself against the rock wall at the end of the staircase. You took out you camera and flipped the screen so you could see what was going on beyond the wall. In the screen, you saw eight people, but not the people you witness disappear. These eight people were in uniforms: Batman, Robin, Red Robin, Nightwing, Red Hood, Batgirl, and Spoiler. But then you saw him, Alfred Pennyworth and you put it all together.

The expense are withdrawn by Bruce Wayne to make gadgets for Batman.

And Bruce Wayne is Batman.

Your camera clattered to the ground.

*Clunk*

Everyone’s heads whipped around to the sound and found a camera at the base of the stairs to the Batcave. Cass ran over and ran up a few stairs before she returned, grabbing you by the arm. They watched as you struggled to escape her grasp, doing so a couple times, but Cass would fix her grip and pull harder. When she reached the group, you stopped struggling and looked Bruce right in the eyes.

Bruce used his Batman voice, “Who are you?”

You stood taller, “Y/N. Y/N L/N.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I was hired to investigate Bruce Wayne. Or I guess I should say Batman?”

Bruce’s mouth turned down into an even deeper frown. In the blink of an eye, his hand was around your throat. You didn’t gasp, actually the look in your eye intensified. “Who hired you!” He shook you a little. “Who?”

You smirk at him, which surprised Bruce causing him to loosen his grip. You slipped away from him, but not before the rest of the vigilantes surrounded you. “Just some accountant. No one important or dangerous, I promise.”

“Why?” Dick spoke up, “Why did he want Bruce investigated?”

You turned to face him, “He noticed a discrepancy in the numbers, wanted to figure out what was going on. Flashed me some Benjamins, so I took the gig.” You looked at the ceiling in thought, “$150,893.43, $471,990.21, $1,004,561.08 to name a few amounts that disappeared.”

Dick’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “H-how did you know those numbers?”

You shrugged, “Saw ‘em, memorized ‘em. Took about five minutes after I found the spreadsheet.”

Dick looked at Bruce in surprise, noticing the Bruce looked just as shocked himself. Tim and Bruce locked eyes, the same question going through both of their heads.

Tim was the one to ask it aloud, “How did you get to that spreadsheet?”

You shrugged again, “I got a job in the mail room. Whenever I got a chance, I got onto the accountant’s computer and wiggled through some firewalls. It wasn’t too hard, part of why I became a P.I.”

If Tim didn’t know any better, he would’ve guessed the look on Bruce’s face was one of admiration. Actually, Tim himself felt a certain admiration for Y/N. Not many people had your abilities. Actually, no normal people should have your abilities.

Bruce finally spoke up again, “So what are you going to do now that you know about all this?”

“What do you think I should do?”

Steph spoke up, “What do you mean by that?”

“You could tell the world who we are, what we do. You have the proof right? Why not? What could stop you?” Bruce didn’t sound worried, but he wasn’t sure what you would do.

You sighed, “No, I won’t tell. Listen, my work...it ruins lives. I’ve seen it happen, and it’s not something I want to repeat. I’ve also seen what you guys do,” you shifted from one foot to the other, “You guys do good, I’ve seen that. I can’t interfere with your work. No, I won’t tell anyone.”

Everyone studied Y/N carefully. Damian was sure you were lying, but he couldn’t detect deception. Dick was slightly amazed at your response, and Tim was in awe as well. Steph and Cass began whispering their doubts to one another. Jason couldn’t help but scoff, he could believe you wouldn’t tell anyone, but not without a price.

“You wouldn’t do this without a price,” Jason got up in your face, “What do you want?”

Y/N didn’t shrink back. You actually got closer. “I don’t want shit.” Your eyes didn’t waver.

Bruce approach the two of them, he grabbed Y/N and took you aside. “I could use a brain like yours.” He watched your eyebrows shoot up. “You’re smart Y/N, there’s no denying it, and I can always use fresh eyes.”

“I would be honored, but...I mean...I’m not all that special. I mean... I can’t see what you see. When I think of myself, all I can see is an asshole that abuses people’s weaknesses and hate for a quick buck.” Y/N’s head fell for the first time in that cave. “I almost got her killed,” your voice no more than a whisper.

Bruce grabbed your shoulders, “What are you talking about?”

You raised your eyes to meet his. “This guy hired me, one of my first gigs, wanted me to figure out where his girlfriend was going. Easy, yeah?” Your shoulder tensed under Bruce’s hands. “She was going to a reproductive care clinic. I didn’t bother looking into why, and I told him. He got furious, right there in my office,” your eyes began to well up with tears, “He screamed ‘That bitch’s body is mine, she’s going to regret ever thinking otherwise.’”

Bruce watched as you took a deep breath. The tears spilled over your cheeks. “But you stopped him,” he asked softly.

You nodded, “I found her, before he could, told her what happened. I will never forget the fear I saw in her eyes, and that feeling of powerlessness because I couldn’t change what I had done.”

“You fixed it though,” Bruce noted, “You did good in the end. That’s why I think you’d be a good fit around here. Remorse, it can be used for good, motivation to do better in the future.” Bruce then did something everyone else in the cave thought was unthinkable, he hugged Y/N. Bruce felt as your arms tightened around his waist, and felt you shaking as you leaned into him.

Bruce gently pulled you away from him. “Y/N, I don’t know know how you feel, but I can tell you I did things I’m not proud of when I started out, just like you. The thing is...are you looking for a second chance?”

You took a moment to process what he said. Bruce watched as your tears disappeared, and a determined look settled onto your face. “I am.”

“So, what did you find?” Cole Roman paced around your office after waiting all morning for you to return.

“Sorry to disappoint Roman, but Bruce Wayne is not particularly interesting. The money went to a charity and charity auction item which, subsequently, was a fraud and the money disappeared.” You showed him some staged pictures you and the Wayne family had set up as added proof. “Nothing exciting going on in Wayne Manor.” Then you got out his bag of money, handing it back. “Full refund.”

Cole Roman grabbed the bag hesitantly, looked through it and nodded. “Fine. I guess it’s just weird to have a normal rich guy in Gotham.”

You smiled to yourself, “Yeah. Normal people in Gotham is rare.”

You bid Cole goodbye, and watched him leave the office. When he was out the door, you began packing it all up: external drives, cameras, lenses, notebooks filled with dirt on all kinds of people. Before you packed up your computer, you erased your business and yourself from the internet. 

You found yourself in Wayne Manor the second time that day, now a welcomed guest. Bruce had set you up in one of the many rooms in the manor. When you walked in, you were in awe. The room was three times bigger than your office and looked like it was fit for a king. You began to set up all of your stuff when a knock came from the door. You turned to find Jason Todd, the only one you hadn’t know from before.

“Settling okay?”

“Yeah, just setting up my computer.”

Jason looked at your computer confused. “I’m sorry, what century is that computer monitor even from?”

You snorted, “I know, its a box. It’s all I could afford and I hadn’t been to keen to lose my office space or, you know, food by spending my income on a new monitor.”

“Bruce will have no problem getting you something better, he’ll want you working at a hundred.”

You nodded and continued setting up. Jason crossed the room and started helping you unpack. “Thanks.”

“No problem...” He trailed off. Then he turned to face you. “Y/N, why are you doing this?”

“What, unpacking?”

He chuckled, “No. I mean joining the life. It’s not easy and people get hurt.”

You looked Jason in the eyes. “I’ve already seen people get hurt. I know unease. I’ve been looking for a second chance and Bruce gave it to me.”

“Okay...alright. I get that.” Jason laughed to himself, “It’s probably better than the second chance I got.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I died, I was twelve. Bruce’s mortal enemy resurrected me. It was one of the worst times of my life.”

You looked at Jason like he was joking, but nothing changed in his eyes. Your eyes widened, “You serious?”

Jason shrugged, “Yeah.” 

“Oh.”

“Well,” Jason set down a camera and walked to your door, but before he left he turned to look at you, “Welcome to the family.”

You watched as he walked away from your new room, processing his story.

“The hell have I gotten myself into...”

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 5 (Cont.)

Tsubasa ruminates about her current situation in her Symphogear Brand Safety Capsule of Absolute Dunces.

“aight ive done seen the light lemme at that sweet, sweet taco bell”

Meanwhile, some old ass politicians rumble about Relics.

“im old.”

But they immediately get fucked up in a nasty car accident.

As it turns out, the Americans were waiting to intercept these old crones to steal The Goods.

And holy fuck are they are American. Personally, I feel the writers of Symphogear watched Die Hard and immediately went “these people are fucking animals”. That’s just me, though.

“ooh ouch oh mmm ouchie ouch oooo ouch”

They tear into these people with an almost machine like efficiency.

These people don’t fuck around. There’s a strange surreality around it given that this is honestly pretty accurate to how brutal special operatives can be, but the Japanese accent they have in their English voices is... a bit jarring.

“IM BACK FROM THE MALL, YA’LL”

“oh god she’s back”

“ah, ryoko. as per your lingo, quote, ‘i like your new gucci boots... bitch’ was that good? im not fond at cursing at women unless its a mutual training session”

Genjuro alerts that the Minister of Defense for Japan has just been assassinated.

“shits bad”

Conveniently... Ryoko’s phone was broken. In her defense, it’s 2012. Battery life didn’t have the bragging rights it had now for phone.

“i personally use a razer flip phone. those will never go out of style!”

Ryoko manages to show them the box the Americans were trying to get. Suspiciously...

There’s a bloodstain on it.

So the main struggle right now is that the Bad Guys(tm) want to get their hands on Durandal, which is a completed relic that is hidden away miles underneath the school in the 2nd Division Labs.

This musty, old, shitty sword has immense power. Almost Godlike.

“hey why dont we just use the sword to beat up the bad guys”

The sword was handed from the EU to Japan for Japan to safekeep, and in exchange to forgive some of the loans the EU owed Japan should the EU economy collapse.

How topical.

“i read a lot of beserk and honestly im pretty sure someone beats up the bad guys with that dumb sword”

“listen nerd, we’re not doing that dumb weeb anime shit. we’re taking this sword to a vault to the bottom of parliament.”

“thats right. who needs anime when you’ve got nicholas cage.”

And so, they plotted to deliver this dumb sword tomorrow.

Ryoko logs into Runescape.

Fun fact: Fulcanelli is a reference to this dude, who was a French alchemist whose identity nobody really knows. Alchemy is a concept that will come up during GX that has no relevance whatsoever during these first 2 seasons except in some passerby jargon. This as just a cute thing I wanted to point out.

You know, that’s a pretty sexy sword upon closer examination.

“thats the dark souls of swords”

“ah! a fellow gamer! im glad that you too partake of the souls of darkening. would you like to play a two player match somtime, fellow Gamer?”

“I would genuinely rather eat shit for the rest of my life!”

The scene ends. Alright, where are n-

Oh God we’re back to this bullshit. Okay then.

Miku, reasonably, is upset that her wife is gone for several hours for increasingly sketchy reasons. Much like an estranged wife going to see her “tennis instructor” for “private tennis lessons” in the “safety of their house, which has a tennis court”, Miku is worried that Hibiki is a liar liar, pants on fire.

Nose the size of a wire.

Hibiki, feeling the fear of God, quickly bails this increasingly tense situation.

Miku is suffering, and so am I with this hamfisted writing.

“you didnt even try the cookies i made out of frustration for you. i designed them all after me with increasingly angrier faces”

“im too young for a divorce. fuck, those cookies smelled good”

Hibiki decides to not sweat it anymore, opening a magazine and WHOA WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS I DONT REMEMBER THIS WHEN DID HIBIKI GET HER HANDS ON THIS OH MY GOD

“HELL NO IM MARRIED THE DEVIL CANNOT TEMPT ME”

Hibiki closes it up to reveal the relevant part of this magazine.

This is subtle, but it’s basically a vehicle to explain how things are covered up for Symphogears. Ogawa walks in, talking about how this headline was his doing.

“i wasn’t joking when i said we were literally the NSA”

Hibiki is happy that Tsubasa has been freed from Metaphor Limbo, having escaped the Water Metaphor Dimension back into real life.

“she literally wont stop talking about taco bell and honestly its killing me inside”

“shit ill get her some”

Ogawa does some schpiel about teamwork and asks Hibiki for an idea on what to do with Tsubasas image even though he’s supposed to be the manager and it’s just general prattle.

Everyone gets briefed about the delivery. Ryoko’s soccer mom van sticks out like a sore thumb. Nobody on the Lydian campus asks why there are 5 cars outside the building with men in suits and fucking Hibiki standing there with them why are these children so fucking incurious.

“this feels like the world’s most important weed delivery, but im going to deliver the SHIT out of that weed”

“hibiki please its not weed”

“ALRIGHT FAM LETS DELIVER THE SHIT OUT OF THIS WEED”

Big thick black cars surround Ryoko’s tiny vehicle as they all drive in unison to the drop point.

No fucking around here. The weed must be delivered.

The weed? Secured as shit.

“its not fucking weed it’s a goddamned french sword okay god”

“ROAD’S LOOKIN’ A-OKAY FOR OUR WEEEED DRIIIIIIVE”

PSYCHE, NO IT AINT. ROAD’S CRACKING UP HARD. COMES APART, CAR FUCKING EXPLODES!

“oh my god we seriously arent fucking around here those guys are fucking dead”

“bruh you never delivered weed before? that shit happens all the time”

“anyway grab on to something ‘cause we’re gonna initial d this shit”

“i thought we were delivering WEED not SUSHI”

“WEED... SUSHI... IT’S ALL FUCKING METAPHORS, HIBIKI. AND WE’RE GONNA DELIVER EM!”

“now ORDER UP, MOTHERFUCKER”

Every car is destroyed.

Ryoko flips the car like nobody’s business.

“ryoko! the kansai drift was too strong!”

“your delivery’s late, pal. that’s gonna have to come out of your tip.”

“jokes on you! you already paid the tip beforehand online!”

“oh, we’re going with pizza jokes now? is that what we’re doing? yeah, sure, whatever”

Unfortunately, Chris ordered her pizza with meat, extra crispy.

“FUCK, i cant see anything. now i don’t know if they have the weed- i mean, the sushi- er, the pizza- god i hate all these JOKES”

RYOKO SUMMONS A FUCKING SHIELD OUTTA NOWHERE WHILE HIBIKI’S KNOCKED OUT COLD

“yo hol’ up a moment did this pervert manage to summon a shield”

“are- are you able to fight the noise? are you fucking kidding me? this entire time when literal children were fighting these battles, you literally could have fought back effectively? are we but mere playthings to you? is this really the bullshit im seeing?”

“uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i can only make shields. piss shields, out of piss”

“that is absolute fucking bullshit”

“but i believe it.”

Hibiki has primed her fists and is about to show how much she’s improved combat wise, which is actually a lot.

Nevermind, she tripped again. Turns out, Symphogears fight in heels constantly, which is absolutely fucking horrifying. Hibiki realizes this, and then

FUCKING BREAKS THE HEELS LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS.

AND THEN SHE WRECKS SHOP WITHOUT BREAKING A GODDAMN SWEAT

“oh shit how the fuck did she improve this quickly”

The suitcase where the sword is stored opens up. That means it’s activating.

Immediate fear.

“alright bruce lee you mightve mastered a thousand kicks but you better change your gameplan because im about to realign that pretty little face of yours”

“thank god you kicked me. needed you to get closer so i could kick your ass, after all”

The fucking suitcase, I shit you not, pops open immediately with the sword flipping to the sky like a bad Gmod toy as it suddenly stays floating, perfectly still.

“ive officially lost track on what the hell is happening”

The sword just floats there, as a sword does.

“you know how many fried turkeys i can cut open with that bad boy? that shits mine now.”

Chris goes to get it.

“fuck you! im going to slice HONEYBAKED HAMS with that sword!”

Hibiki intercepts it and takes the sword.

Now Hibiki becomes a proud Stand owner, having acquired the power of The World and stopping time at will.

“oooooh holy shit”

Hibiki, now channeling the power of Durandal, feels the raw strength of a completed relic all through her body.

Real spicy stuff running through her veins.

The power unleashing itself into a raw stream of piss skyrocketing into the stratosphere.

“the pizza has been delivered... all according to plan...”

“...she was right. honeybaked ham was the superior meat to slice...”

Hibiki is channeling a power source so ancient, so powerful, that through using her as a conduit, the sword actually finishes itself into its full, completed form.

Holy shit, Hibiki.

Goddamn. That’s a really sexy sword, actually! Pretty nice...

...oh.

You’re not looking so hot, pal...

“why is it that every opponent of mine can literally asspull all this garbage and im stuck here looking like a bad kamen rider villian getting my ass kicked every time. its not fair.”

Ryoko looks extremely hyped for this event. Maybe a little too much so.

“MAN FUCK THIS NONSENSE IM PUTTING AN END TO THE SUPER SENTAI POWERUP”

“O-OH FUCK- uh, i didnt say that. totally swear. you uh, keep doing that. yeah. aha.”

“SLICED...”

“...HONEYBAKED...”

“oh god. oh god. im sorry. im sorry. im so sorry. oh fuck im so sorry. honeybaked ham is better. fuck turkeys. fuck drumlegs. fuck any sort of fried meat. honeybaked ham is better please im begging you dont vore me or slice me in half IM BEGGING YOU OH GOD”

“...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!”

“ham..... mmmmm... honeybaked ham....”

“WHO YELLED ABOUT HAM? god, im hungry now.”

Hibiki wakes up from it all after passing out, expressing a power of magnitudes unheard of, as if it were all a bad dream.

“YEAH THATS RIGHT WE HAD TO DELIVER THE WEED PIZZA AND I WANTED HAM AND- THE SWORD, YEAH! THE SWORD!”

To her disappointment, amongst this wanton destruction, no ham was found. Ryoko clues her in that Hibiki just single handedly completed a relic, and though the entire place is a mess, the mission wasn’t a complete failure. They’ll just have to return the relic back to base, now the entire location is, conveniently, destroyed.

“yeah yeah. the weed made it. the sushi made it. the pizza made it. what didnt we deliver today?”

“...”

“singing really does make you hungry, huh?”

[lostinprocrastination]

So I just got home from Endgame and I got some things to say (spoilers ahead, tagged as such):

1. ALL THOSE FIERCE WOMEN HOLY SHIT THAT SCENE!!!!! Make a movie (or two, or ten) focused on Marvel heroines NOW pls!!!! (And get Lupita too when she isn't busy doing awesome stuff with Jordan Peele pls and thank you.)

2. Clint and Nat's friendship is so intense and pure I can't even take it

3. Incidentally, I liked that they didn't really retcon that awful Nat/Bruce nonsense, because that would have been even more ridiculous, but scaled it waaaaaaaaay back to put laser focus on her connection with Clint instead. I used to ship them back in the day and when it was revealed he had a wife and kids - who she actually knew and was friends with, if I remember correctly - I was kind of pissed, but it was so much better the way they did it... A depiction of true, incredibly committed and loving relationship without any hint of romance/sex sends a really powerful message. They are just wonderful.

4. Rest in peace, Nat, you beautiful soul. I love how she's platinum blonde right after the events of Infinity War, but then five years later she has long wavy hair with her natural red color and the tips are still blonde because she doesn't have time for hairstyling bullshit. It's those little details that made me appreciate the movie even more.

5. What sucks the most about Nat dying is that now we can be 100% sure that the Black Widow solo movie will be a prequel/origin story and at this point is it really necessary? I mean, I'll still watch it, but it should have been done YEARS ago.

6. Another detail I loved was how skinny Tony is in the very beginning when he's in the ship with Nebula and then when Carol gets them to Earth he's weak in a wheelchair with and IV. The hairstyle and makeup and probably graphics teams really nailed it in this movie.

7. Speaking of Tony, r.i.p. Mr. Stark. You really had a heart afterall.

8. Anytime an Avengers or Iron Man movie comes out I say this, but regardless of how you feel about Gwyneth Paltrow, you have to admit that Pepper Potts is a fucking goddess, and that her chemistry with RDJ is off the charts. (And he *was* Mr. Potts and NOT the other way around, wasn't he?)

9. I don't think Iron Woman movies would actually work, but I wouldn't object to seeing her as an actual Avenger in the next movies.

10. I think I was the only one in a cinema full of youths and elderly people, because even though the thought had obviously already crossed my mind I laughed out loud when Tony called Thor "Lebowski", and I'm not exaggerating, literally no-one seemed to have gotten the reference except me. WTF.

11. Oh, and I gotta say, if they ever do a Big Lebowski prequel (I hope they don't because these things rarely work, but Hollywood never seems to have original ideas so it's possible), it's Hemsworth for The Dude or don't even bother. Thor is ACTUALLY The Dude in this movie, and I love how he's still pretty fat when it ends and he makes Valkyrie Asgard's queen (which, you know, AWESOME). Another win for the makeup and hairstyle department on this one (I don't think they used CGI on Thor, to me it looked like Hemsworth was wearing a fat suit).

12. If only Natalie Portman would get off her high horse and be Jane again...well, there's still at least one opportunity.

13. Was that really Rene Russo (oh wait a second...) playing Frigga? Because if it was there was some serious CGI going in there. She looked younger than in the first two Thors...? Actually, younger than The Big Hemsworth tbh

14. If (As)Guardians of the Galaxy 3 is just Quill and Thor bickering while trying to find Gamora I'll be delighted. Get Taika to direct and Goldblum back somehow and I'll be in heaven. (Although isn't Gamora actually for realsies dead? Or because they prevented Thanos from getting the Soul Stone that was reversed?)

15. I was already upset that Evans was short-haired and beardless in this movie even though he was in full gorgeous glory in the couple of minutes he appeared in Wakanda in Infinity War and the post-credits scene in Captain Marvel. Did they really have to make me actually watch him shave though? Russo bros, you are terrible people who love to make me suffer.

16. What a GORGEOUS sendoff to Steve. I kept thinking he was gonna be killed, yet he came back an old man having spent his life with Peggy. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it, and left the cinema right after that last shot of them dancing in the 50s. Only a couple of minutes later I remembered there were supposed to be two post-credits scenes and I was already gone, so...if anyone cares to tell me what they were or have a link to videos of them I can watch, please hit my inbox!

17. Is Old Steve Joe Biden? I mean, the makeup was, again, very well-done, but geez, guys, be less obvious with the references lmao (also Steve would never be toutchy-feely, so, you know, no soup for you)

18. I'm gonna assume Carol's hairstyle is a reference to Annette Benning's in Captain Marvel.

19. Let's be VERY clear here: Thanos only managed to punch her because he used the Power Stone, because otherwise she would have kicked his sorry ass right then and there.

20. OF COURSE Steve was worthy of Thor's hammer, I mean, c'mon.

I'm sure I'll think of many other things after I post this, but for now that's what I have. SO. MANY. FEELINGS.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

1 3 and 10 c:

Ahh, thank you for the ask! c:

1. What is your favorite DC movie and why? And least favorite?

Justice League vs. Teen Titans! Because I’m simply biased as hell.

To ALL of its elements! Azarath! In a MOVIE! Arella’s story got RECOGNIZEd– even ANIMATED! It gave Raven’s gem a BACKSTORY! It’s everything I’ve ever wanted out of a Teen Titans animation.

(Azarath being animated in a movie fulfilled my SOUL, you have NO fucking idea. It was AMAZING. And so well animated too? So pretty? So peaceful? So nice to look at? Holy god, I want ten thousand hours of documentaries on that place??? legitimate tears in my eyes when we saw it. honestly, it was just… it was so good.)

Not to mention, while the production value was Kinda Eh, the writing was really clever and the Moments (silly, fun, heartfelt, freaky, dramatic) were all really well done. It captured the “Heart” of those feelings, emotive and raw and honest. I actually enjoyed the fun moments. Myself. And wasn’t just “distantly admiring people being happy”. Do you know how much of an ACCOMPLISHMENT that is?

The music was really cool. Not to reveal my Immortal Inner Emo Kid. But “Down to Nothing” is a really good song. (One of my only problems with this movie is that it was shoddily edited in the scene, and it’s a shame, because it really is a good song… {lD it was kinda my anthem for a long, long time after this movie. “Help me: believe in something, cuz I am: broken, I’m down to nothing. And it’s just so hard to be this way, but it’s just as hard to change. So: help me, believe in sooomethiiing….”)

(Because it’s in this movie, I grin a bit whenever Ciaran randomly shuffles it up. But also because I just really like the song itself.)

Also really cool: Trigon was an abusive asshole. Ultra mega props for that element; not just making him a Bad Guy because he’s Powerful and Wants to Rule the World, but legitimately showing that he was a BAD “GUY” *and* a Bad Parent.

Also nice, Damian felt less shoehorned in than Certain Other Really Recent Robins were in the comics…. (The reason for that may have been glossed over and a touch cliche, but it worked for the movie. It did what it needed to, nothing more and nothing less.)

Good thing too, because Damian being A Kid was really nice to see. (Raven too, let’s be real. Those kids need more “fun” in their lives.) Bond the children! BOND THEM, GODDAMN IT. That’s what any good Teen Titans story really needs; friends who are a FAMILY. They love each other, even if it’s hard-earned and hard-kept.

Focused on the PEOPLE, and their WELL-BEING, just as much as (if not MORESO!) than “ohshit, Big Bad Guy to deal with here”.

(the rest is under a cut, because godDAMN. I got rambly once I started talking about Raven.)

And perhaps most important of all to me: Raven’s characterization was amazing. Truly a masterpiece. Any time you’ve got a comic character with 7 different tones and 3-4 Literal Deaths and like 28 different writers having handled her: It takes a LOT of work to pick and choose what you want to do with them. It takes a lot of WISDOM and even prowess to triangulate your Own Characterization between such dramatic differences. Raven has been cold and distant; warm and soft; sharp and bitter; lost and clueless; wise and knowledgeable; she’s a very LAYERED and COMPLEX character even in each individual VERSION.

And the movie portrayed so many of her key characteristics so wonderfully. It’s a very “complete” picture of my absolutely Iconic Favorite Character, it encompasses so much of my Favorite Parts of her throughout her entire history, and it was just such a delight to experience. I, in my unpopular opinion (at least among my contemporary Cartoon-First Generation of Teen Titans Fans), actually really liked her voice actress, too? So subtle. So snarky. So soft, even with its edge of attitude. It was such a good fit for such a good incarnation!

And then there’s the fact that they included Jaime (who does well on his own, but honestly always seemed like a natural fit to the team), Kori (a Key Titan, let’s be honest), and even Gar (because his playfulness is a key part of Whole-Team Characterization too honestly; it wouldn’t be the same without him). It was a good setup, even with the comics this continuity’s based on being totally cracked.

And Cyborg showed up. Despite working “in the big Leagues” now. Thanks for throwing us that bone, at least. lD

And Damian? They did a great job of giving him character developement. Much needed. Good shit. If he can’t be with Dick!Bats in this verse (and I deeply prefer Dick as Nightwing anyways), that’s a really good fit for him. Learning to be human. Getting comfortable with Some Normalcy. Good and relateable.

That movie was just. Ahhh. SO Good. X3 As a Teen Titans fan especially, but also just as a person who likes a good Team Becoming Family story.

I love it. It has its caveats, but none of them dampen my obnoxiously heartfelt love for this thing.

*

(…yikes .after THAT essay, the rest of my answers are going to feel so shallow.)

All that bias aside though, my other favorite DC movie is definitely Wonder Woman. Hands down. Undoubtedly, no contest, no holds bar. It was a phenomenally well-told story with a lot of wit and compelling characters that used absolutely MASTERFUL rising action, and felt GENUINE. It was told from the heart as well as the camera, and it was told beautifully. Smoothly. It felt godly and human all at once. I can’t explain it very well, but it was genuinely one of the best movies I have ever seen.

I never got very into Wonder Woman, but from what I know of the 80’s and the Really Recent comics: It also captured her backstory, her personality, and her Style of Heroism really well. But even without being very familiar with her as a character? It’s a gorgeously well-done movie.

( Note: I still haven’t seen Justice League yet, but from what I’ve heard, I’ll probably end up liking that one too.)

*

Least favorite? I don’t know, honestly.

(My least favorite superhero movie is that one Marvel one with Vision, because I literally fell asleep while watching it. That’s the first time in my entire life I’ve fallen asleep while watching ANYTHING.)

But for DC, even the silly obnoxiously-radioactive-colored Batman and Robin has its place in history.

Can I just say, maybe… “the Injustice: Gods Among Us cutscenes”?- raven’s voice really grates my nerves, and not even in a Fun Creepy Way.- Whose idea was it to have SUPERMAN go evil? Like? ?? Who thought that was in any way a reasonable idea. - the story in that game felt really cobbled together. The comics are a lot more interesting, fun, and though there’s a lot of, like, Random Occurrences that seem to happen Exclusively For The Drama, in the game there are a lot of ill-explained things and general Random Chaos. Not my kinda story.

*

3. Which DC character should be introduced in movies/shows? Or have a movie/show of their own?

I mean. My automatic response is “Raven”, but I only ever want to see that if it’s being done right. The way CW wanted to do it kinda ripped the heart of everything I know/love about her to shreds. (”Relateable normal teen girl sudden has powers”? What? What??? That’s literally NONE of Raven’s backstory, shoo. Begone. Good riddance.)

That aside, I’d honestly probably watch the HELL out of a Nightwing show. Or movie. Just LET DICK BE HIMSELF. Without being attached at the history AND HIP to Bruce!

Or Death? or Sandman? I don’t know how well they’d translate to TV; Nightwing would certainly be the safer bet. Neil Gaiman’s writing is half as great as it is because of the WRITING. The style. The narrations… But, I mean: Coraline was just wonderful~ So why not a Sandman movie, too? Given the right director, and the right special effects team…?

(Constantine would’ve been next on my list, for a better movie anyway. but he’s already getting some decent recognition. So whoop whoop. Good shit. Nice Decision, DC. I Approve.)

10. Which DC character portrayal do you think is better in the comics than in the movies?

Batman. By far.

I’m just sick of all this manpain and gritty, utterly-unyielding violence, and… politics? Where’s the humanity?

Aren’t these writers forgetting that he’s someone who has suffered, and is doing all this, not just to beat up bad guys and look cool, but to save others from what theyd do? To HELP PEOPLE, not to growl like a man-tiger and punch things?

You can be badass and still have a heart, you know. Comics!Bruce does. (Most of the time.) And that’s a big part of why I like reading Batman comics so much.

And on that note, the conspicuous lack of Robins in (most) movies is an insult to comic history. Batman’s family-seeking and protect-the-children tendancies make for a much more interesting franchise, honestly. Give us a colorful cast! (Literally!) Give us diversity! Give us more stories with more characters so it has more facets than just “some guy wants to kill people; can’t have that”!)

As a sidenote: what I’ve seen of Gotham, it’s doing a really good job of encapsulating his Heroic Tendencies as well as his “sense of Duty” to Gotham and its people, while keeping him human AND super cool. That’s an important balance.