#big boss wants them to see what we're dealing with

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

>Good post! Really well-put together analysis of the branch.

Thank you! Like genuinely, it's actually a good feeling.

>But i find it difficult to even look at Wiš'adel as a Flinger. She just ignores the identity of the branch so much by dealing incredibly high damage to high defense enemies all by herself, hitting flying enemies (I didn't know Rosmontis could bypass that limitation with a future Branch, but even then she needs another operator helping her to do it) and I agree that flyers aren't an issue, especially not when you're not in IS and have access to your entire roster, but it is still part of the branch's identity. Even her attack animations don't sell her as a Flinger to me. Going by the module short, the original name of the branch is probably something like "Bombardment Sniper", but both Greyylter and TRC throw something in the traditional way and Rosmontis throws something non-traditionally with her big invisible hands. If I didn't know what Wiš'adel was and you showed me a clip of her without revealing her attack range, I'd think she was still an Artilleryman Sniper. Because of this, I don't consider her a win for Flingers. They made her a Flinger to let her abuse the upsides they have while letting her ignore the drawbacks that come with the branch. Which yes, could be described as her being a look at what the branch could be, as you said, but blowing past the limitations just isn't it for me.

So there's a few things I want to bring up here because I think they're important. I do consider Wis'adel to be a Flinger at heart. Her kit would be noticeably worse if she wasn't one. It wouldn't just be in terms of raw damage either, it would also be in consistency. Wis'adel is ultimately designed to make the most use of her class's quirks, and you can see that if you look at her S1 and S2.

Wis'adel's S1 and S2 are also quite good skills, and they actually follow the design perspectives that you would expect them to. They get overshadowed a lot by her S3, but S1 and S2 are good, honest, Flinger skills at their core, and their helped by Wis'adel having good numbers.

Ultimately, I think this is more a result of how just how barebones the class is, so the result you get is the class having these long stints between releases of operators.

Rosmontis: 11/1/2020-11/15/2020 || 4/30/2021-5/14/2021 Greyy: 7/5/2022-7/19/2022 || 3/14/2023-3/28/2023 Wis'adel: 5/1/2024-5/15/2024 || 8/31/2024-9/14/2024

I've also included CN dates because when we're talking about Greyy, that means Dorothy's Vision, an infamously delayed event lol. The difference between Rosmontis and Wis'adel was three and a half years, which is kind of absurd. There are other classes with pretty big gulfs between 6-star releases and they honestly have that same sort of feeling too: look at Pozemka versus Schwarz, Typhon vs Rosa, Mountain vs Chongyue, Hellagur vs Zuo Le...you know.

If we had gotten a solid intermediate between Rosmontis and Wis'adel, one that wasn't dealing with the insane numbers Wis'adel is but wasn't necessarily hampered as badly by her kit as Rosmontis, I think Wis'adel would have been a lot more understandable, especially in terms of kit design. As it is now though, yeah it's pretty massive whiplash. I'm not gonna sit here and be like "You need to agree with my opinion or else" though because this ultimately is just personal opinion and taste.

>The branch on a surface level is designed to clear crowds of weak enemies, not to nuke down elites or bosses. Similar to Splash Casters (who are also quite disliked in an overblown manner).

So I'm not disagreeing here per se, I just think it is a little funny that Rosmontis's one CC clear is...nuking down elites and bosses lol. I'm going to link the Risk 31 clear that uses her (alongside Bagpipe) to take out the Bladehelm Recruit and the Risk 30 clear that uses her for that same Recruit but also to kill the Withered Knight. They're neat clears! Definitely a window in the possibility of what Rosmontis might have done in a CC like CC6 if it wasn't for the release of Chen the Holungday.

>Also about Dusk: She was considered pretty bad until her ModY came out. She wasn't that bad, her S2 in particular was/is quite powerful, but ModY really elevated her and helped her fulfill the phantasy of using her S3 to put up a mass of summons to hold back groups of enemies.

Yeah I didn't touch on Dusk much because I couldn't exactly remember what the hype level was around her release. I think it was initially positive but less positive than I remember Mostima being lol.

>On release, people were disappointed by how "bad she is at levitating enemies" when that isn't even really the point. The levitation is just a means to an end, that being activating her silence and damage boost, as well as disrupting attack windups. Her S2 deals really good damage (450% atk per attack), S1 is way more consistent in actually levitating enemies than you'd think, because enemies tend to enter her range one by one and S3 is alright. It has good use-cases and excels against large bosses, cause she can hit them with three tornados at once.

Yeah Ho'ol is the one that's the "wife" in that sentence. I think even calling Silence the Paradigmatic bad is a little mean, even though her kit is very strangely designed.

Ho'olheyak suffered a lot from aesthetic complaints, my least favorite kind. People wanted the tornadoes from her S3 to levitate entire groups of enemies instead of just one, and this bugged them enough to call her bad by extension.

I have rather poor views of the wider community's ability to discern whether Operators are good or not, if this isn't clear lol. I actually really like Ho'ol, she's well designed in that all three of her skills have uses but she definitely suffers from not being the most consistent of the Core Casters. When you're competing with Eyja and Ceobe, it is ultimately a little rough. Her S2 is secretly her goat skill I'm pretty sure tho

How the Arknights Community was Wrong on One of Arknight's Most Powerful Classes

Or, alternatively, you all need to apologize to Rosmontis right now.

Flingers are experiencing a modern Renaissance right now. Thanks to the release of Wis'adel and the introduction of Rosmontis's absolutely busted IS module, it seems like things are on the up and up for Flingers. Even Greyy the Lightningbearer is a common sight in high level IS runs, and he doesn't even have a broken module.

How on Earth did this happen, when it wasn't very long ago that Flingers were the butt and punchline of their own joke?

The Original Let's start with how the archetype was introduced into the game: Rosmontis. Rosmontis was released alongside Mudrock for the Chapter 8 release event, and the reception was pretty mixed. Rosmontis was a limited operator, and to this point, limited operators in Arknights had been pretty middling. Nian wasn't really conclusively better than Hoshiguma, and W was good but nothing special. We were not at the point yet where Dusk or Skadi the Corrupting Heart had been released, so the running joke was typically to roll on the other operator on a limited banner. Mudrock was a really strong laneholder that still sees a lot of use today, and Weedy is by far the strongest shifter operator ever released.

It's also worth noting that Rosmontis was released during a general downturn of opinions on AoE ranged operators. Leonhardt and Meteorite were considered actually quite strong in the early days of Arknights, and I know this must sound crazy, but Mostima and W were actually super hyped for their release. People thought Mostima, base-ass Mostima with no modules, was good. But after CC Blade, and a general stint of CCs where AoE operators made relatively poor performances, the tide had shifted. Operators like Eyjafjalla and Angelina (god remember when Angelina was considered really good. Well I guess she is now. Regardless) had AoE capabilities but were much cheaper in DP and had solid secondary skills for dealing with single enemies. So people were generally pretty down on AoE operators, which wasn't helped later on by the release of Passenger, an operator considered so bad it resulted in several attempts by Hypergryph to make him better (the retrospective view is that while Passenger was bad, he was made out to be a lot worse than he was, a view I agree with).

These two factors did not help the views of Rosmontis as an operator, but it was also further not helped by what content was available to use Rosmontis in: Contingency Contract. Rosmontis, tragically, released after the first theme of Integrated Strategies came and went, and so the only high level content available to use her in was CC. CC is particularly harsh to Flingers as we'll discuss, but this is also something that Wis'adel has managed to avoid as there hasn't been a CC since her release. The only difficult content since Wis'adel's release has been IS and RA, two game modes that honestly favor Flingers as we'll discuss later on. There was just nowhere to use Rosmontis in more difficult content where she didn't feel bad.

Flingers are a pretty interesting subclass, and Arknights has really not designed any subclasses to be like them, ultimately. They have a very impressive attack range, higher bulk than other ranged operators, and a unique gimmick to their attacks: they will deal an additional hit of damage, but one that only has 50% of their ATK. In addition to this, Flingers are the only Sniper subclass that cannot hit aerial enemies without certain conditions being met (Wis'adel's S3, Rosmontis S3 with an aerial blocker).

In general, this results in a class that is very good at dealing with large groups of enemies with only modest DEF stats. This is because DEF ends up having an increased effect on Rosmontis' damage, because it will apply to both of her hits. An enemy with 375 DEF will, after the 175 Def ignore from her talent, reduce her attack damage by a total of 400.

This for a lot of people was sort of the final straw that broke the Rosmontis back. Her vulnerability to enemies having DEF was a problem, and it was generally stated to be in a way that other DPS checks would avoid. In addition, if we take a look at ideal DPS scenarios with the introductory 6-star for each Sniper class:

Ray: 1,346.22 Narantuya: 1,062 Schwarz: 880.28 Exusiai: 815.99 Chen the Holungday: 647.17 Rosmontis: 601.71 Fartooth: 583.88 Rosa: 539 W: 373.93

Rosmontis is very middle of the pack, losing in particular to Exusiai. Now, Exusiai also had the problem of being very soft to enemy DEF stats. Honestly, it should be noted that Rosmontis was always hitting higher DPH than Exusiai would for her normal attack damage.

(I've been getting really into Desmos lately)

Now this is all just auto-attack stuff and I don't want this to be exclusively a Rosmontis analysis by any means (although it's coming). The point here is that there was a pretty common conception that Rosmontis didn't really have a place in the meta, because Exusiai was so dominant in that spot. It's not hard to understand why. If we look at their S3 DPS really quickly...

At low DEF values, Exusiai is overdominant. This isn't super surprising, as she has a lot of factors working in her favor: a busted 5 hit S3, an attack interval reduction as well as a sizable ASPD buff from her talent. But it doesn't take a huge amount of defense for Rosmontis to come out on top. The specific DEF number is 580, roughly. Then, the perks of Rosmontis's S3 come to light: it's larger DEF ignore, it's halved attack interval, and it's much larger ATK buff.

This being said, there are still things working against Rosmontis, like her skill cycle being very long, and her own ATK buff resulting in Warfarin's buff being diluted compared to Exusiai. If you take a look at CC results, it is true that Rosmontis only has one top to her name: CC Spectrum, where she is part of a Risk 31 clear alongside Exusiai, which is pretty cool. But CCs, which often increase enemy DEF while reducing friendly ATK, are just very harsh to Flingers. Given that it is a class so sensitive to DEF and ATK changes to hit breakpoints, most CCs just hit Rosmontis in a double bind.

Funnily enough, Exusiai also doesn't have any top clears in CC past this point too, which is interesting to point out.

(For those counting: Rosmontis: CC5 Exusiai: CC1, CC5)

Rosmontis' position probably wasn't helped past this point by the release of Chen the Holungday either, and the rest is history. Rosmontis goes down as one of the weaker 6-stars in the game. People feel bad when they roll her. People on this website nurse weird ass grudges against her.

The Blip

It would be remiss of me to not remind people about Greyy the Lightningbearer. Greyy was a 5-star, which means that 99% of players ignored his existence, Gamepress made a dogshit summary about him that was made by people who don't play the game, and life moved on. We're going to talk about Greyy in more detail later on because he is important to talk about...

Oh well right now

Lone Trail: The Update That Should Have Changed Everything

Lone Trail was a super massive event, releasing three 6-stars that can be kindly regarded as "good but nothing amazing, bad, and my wife". It also introduced to the game the Flinger Modules, and I'm going to tell you all a secret. You and me, real close now.

It's fucked up these modules didn't receive more hype.

These modules gave Flingers a second shockwave hit. Now that doesn't seem all that impressive. After all, you might think to yourself, that shockwave still deals 50% damage. But the addition of an extra shockwave really changed the numbers of the game, because it meant a huge chunk more damage.

At minimum (673 DEF roughly) this module improves her damage by about 45%. That's pretty crazy for a module as it stands, but if you want to see the full chart, here you go. Arknights Youtubers hire me.

The extremely high peak there, where Rosmontis is doing more than triple the damage she was originally is actually getting to the exact point where Rosmontis without a module moves towards dealing scratch damage. This is pretty common with modules involving physical DPS operators, such as Blaze, to have very unique high points.

But this is 45% just off of, what is essentially

An extra shockwave

60 more points of DEF Ignore

+75 ATK attribute

This is a remarkably tame talent upgrade. The base effect, the second shockwave, is pulling so much work here. These numbers will be a bit more tame when you compare with S2 (already comes with +2 shockwaves) or S3 (already has some DEF shred) but this is still a very impactful module.

It also impacts the stun chance on her S2. Without her module, and having 4 total hits per attack, this puts her stun chance at roughly 59.04% per attack. The additional hit raises those chances to 67.232%. Not a massive increase, but it does help to patch up her odds.

This is also why Greyy's module was so important. Greyy's slow is tied to his talent, and hence the jump from 2 hits to 3 hits is very notable. Without his module, Greyy has a 64% chance to slow the enemy with every attack. With his module, those chances go up to 78.4%! That's pretty significant! He also deals 15% more damage to Slowed enemies too, which is a pretty strong mod on top of the extra shockwave. I haven't actually done Greyy's numbers, but it really does make him a lot more consistent at slowing enemies.

So now we're here, with Flinger's getting a surprisingly good module. They now deal 3 hits per attack, with Rosmontis dealing 5 hits per attack with her S2, which is actually relevant for Lone Trail (Rosmontis can remove a clean 250 DEF with every one of her attacks during her S2 against Arc Screenguards). So what happened?

Well...Flingers weren't popular, were widely regarded as a flawed class, and mostly passed over. It just wasn't worth it to people to raise Rosmontis or Greyy the Lightningbringer even if you had some inkling their module was good.

The Return of Integrated Strategies and Reclamation Algorithm

A miracle the likes of which Hypergryph may never do again...well okay maybe they will, they do be kind of nailing it on the alternate gamemodes, we have the return of Integrated Strategies and Reclamation Algorithm. These modes are actually uniquely situated in comparison to CC to benefit Flingers over other classes. This is largely because of how these modes chose to scale difficulty and the tools they give you to combat this.

In IS, enemy difficulty typically results in scaling HP and ATK buffs, and that's it. It's rare to see enemy DEF buffs in IS. In addition, many relics in IS focus on increasing ATK or ASPD or improving damage dealt. Flingers get much and much better when they deal damage with their shockwaves, and it is pretty easy to do that in IS. Rosmontis's S2 is of special note here: with her module, it deals 5 hits of damage, which means it benefits from ATK buffs to the same degree as Exusiai does, but with a lot of added perks. DEF ignore, a moderate AoE radius, and a chance to stun. This skill is way more dangerous with additional ASPD.

Greyy also benefits a ton here. Extra ASPD allows him to basically permanently lock down entire groups of enemies with slow. This is something that can also sort of be done with Chain Casters, but notably, Chain Casters can only slow down a certain number of enemies at a time with each of their attacks. Since slowed enemies tend to create clusters, Greyy can slow down entire waves of enemies with his attacks, while still dealing pretty impressive damage.

The only issue is the aerial enemies. I haven't mentioned this up until now, because in my opinion, it is the single most overhyped drawback in the entire game. There are tons of events and chapter releases where this basically doesn't matter. Aerial enemies are, for all intents and purposes, rather rare in Arknights. But in IS this is important. Flingers need some degree of map knowledge to use well. But your Sniper ticket is not necessarily the only solution to aerial enemies in any IS, and chances are you'll find more than one. For IS3, you can pick up Kroos Alter and Rosmontis and in the grand majority of situations be completely fine.

Of course, if you play IS5, this basically isn't an issue and Rosmontis is the second stronger Flinger in the game, and I think arguably the second strongest Sniper pick?

I almost forgot RA by the time I went to post this, so it's a good thing I went back because, yes, Flingers and Rosmontis are also good there too. It's literally designed for Flingers to be good, it's huge mobs of enemies all clustered closely around each other. You can use Provisions to give Rosmontis a ton of ATK or ASPD and watch her go ham on like 115 exploding spiders. They also have amazing range for vision on resource maps and have multi-hit mechanics for those stupid locks.

It's like, impressive how nicely Flingers slot in here. I'm really curious how Greyy feels when you give him one of the ASPD provisions so he has +60 ASPD.

Rosmontis CRAVES your Coagulate Supplements!!!!

The End-Times: Wis'adel and Rosmontis's Busted Module

If you've ever wanted to know how we got to this renaissance, it was Wis'adel being released, having absolutely busted numbers on her kit that basically ensured that her shockwaves would always do damage, and then going and soloing IS3 A15 like it was fucking nothing.

Wis'adel proved Flingers could be fucking fantastic.

Rosmontis has actual problems in her kit, she's ultimately a pretty early Limited operator with all the design choices that carries. Wis'adel is what you get when you ask "how far can a Flinger go?" The shockwave mechanic works well with her huge numbers and her shadow status effect. Her summons work to keep as many enemies as possible attached with a shadow. Her blast radius is massive. Honestly the fact she can blow up the UFOs in IS3 barely matters.

Soon after that, Rosmontis got her specialized Module. I've seen people complain about this. You're wrong. There's no fucking way this module should be allowed to be used in general content. It is, in fact, maybe the most busted specialized module they've released. It completely changes Rosmontis as an operator. Benefitting from Caster relics is insane for themes like IS3 which has a ton of genuinely broken ones, her new and improved equipment are insanely powerful, and the fact that she allows every Sniper and Caster to create a free rather tanky blocker with a crazy debuff effect is like

You understand this module is nuts? Surely?

The trait wouldn't really make Rosmontis meta anyhow. It would improve her damage by a lot but puts her, rather frustratingly, into the camp of mixed offensive operators who now have to worry about enemy RES values coming into play. Plenty of the enemies with decent DEF stats that Rosmontis struggles with now also come with sizable RES stats. As I've mentioned in my brief thoughts on Dagda, there are a ton of enemies Dagda hits harder by brute force than Indra does by trying to side-step the bigger stat.

It's also okay that the module is IS only, because IS is where Flingers are just at their best. Nothing is stopping you from using Rosmontis in general content, especially with her still really good BOM-X module!

Flingers, ultimately, are just a well-designed class. They have great range, AoE, and having extra instances of damage is always incredibly powerful. I do think Rosmontis has some kit issues, but I also think that a lot of people immediately dismissed her as bad based on community consensus. You want to know a cool thing about Rosmontis I haven't brought up yet? She can attack invisible enemies with her S3. Invisible enemies feel a lot more common than aerial enemies do, hell Lappland the Decadenza's event is literally a bunch of invisible enemies.

But like, that's never seen as a positive to Rosmontis unless you're a Sniperknights player and then you might just say Totter is better (and I get that, he is a bit more consistent). Rosmontis can hit an entire enemy type with her S3 that Wis'adel can't, but it's seemingly never mentioned. It's just...this community is very strange, you know?

Try Rosmontis out, hell try her out with Shamare or Warfarin. If you use Exusiai a bunch (godspeed soldier it's been rough since the Chen days), you probably already have those operators. Try Greyy out too. Then, if you really want the challenge, E0 Level 1 Wis'adel. Come on. You know that's better than like half the cas-

[sesshy380]

I should not like shifts where all I'm doing is working stock as much as I do, especially since it means coming in a bit later in the day. Though today's goal is to haul-ass and get as much of the back room onto the floor as possible.

[lost-romantique]

"We aren't a family, sir!"

"We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees!"

"Who's that?"

"Oh, her? That's just Loona. What a nightmare. Serious attitude problems... She'll be out of our hair next month when she ages out. Good riddance, if you ask me. She'll never amount to anything much."

"Fuck, Blitzo! Why can't you stay out of my face for, like, five minutes?!"

"Because, I adopted you! And that should mean something!"

"Oh, what does it matter?! You're not my real dad! I was almost eighteen!"

"It still counts!"

"Well, it shouldn't! I didn't need you then, asshole! I don't, now!"

"I love you, dad."

"Okay, not much of a talker, are you? I'm Blitzo, the "o" is silent. I'm sure we're going to get along just fine. So, what's your deal? What'd you do? Who'd you diddle? You look like someone good with a gun. You look like someone who could shoot up an office-"

"I'm just worried about Millie. She'll be on her way by now, I'm sure!"

"Ugh, she'll be fine, Moxxie. It would take a roided-up hippo to take down that woman when she's upset."

"We've never dealt with the human government before! She's in danger!"

"Do you ever honestly shut up about Millie?! It's always "Oh, how's Millie?" "I can't tonight. I'm hangin' with Millie!" "I'm so worried about Millie!" And she's ALWAYS... FIVE FUCKIN' FEET away from you! It's pathetic!"

"Do you remember what you said to me after my first day with the company?"

"Not really..."

"I remember. You told me I did a good job and that you were proud to work with me. I feel like you wanted to say something more judgmental, but... you said that because I needed it... And it helped."

"Look, I'm hard on you, because I know what you're capable of, Mox. You care too much about what everyone thinks except for... me, because, y'know, my opinion is correct, but just... keep doing a good job. 'Kay? You shoot 'n kill good, you escape things easy... you can be strategic and cold-blooded when you need to, aaaand don't expect any more compliments; I'm maxed out."

"Thank you, sir."

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Someone with an eye for potential. Now you wanna keep working for peanuts, or do you want to shake things up?"

"I'm done. I don't wanna play ghost hunter with you, and I-"

"Uh, it's ghost-fuckers"

"I wasn't done! You know, I always love to have fun with you, and I ain't said boo to you moping around like a sad sack for weeks. But we have bills to pay... So look, you can go be pathetic and play sex ghosts, if that's what you need to do, but I gotta get this job done!"

"Fine! Who needs you anyway!? Bethany Ghost-Fucker works ALONE!"

"We're just Wrathians, Blitz. Muscle. It's all we're good for, all I'm good for. It's why you hired me. Any demon good at making a buck is welcome in Lust or Greed, but here? Demons like us ain't cut out for this."

"Uh... fuck you!"

"What?"

"Millie, I have spent too much of my time, energy, and holes into setting this up for us to entertain your bullshit. I brought you into this company for a reason, okay? You're tougher, smarter, and frankly more capable than anyone I've ever met in any ring..."

"Look. What I said earlier, you've just always been so unbothered by everything. Almost bulletproof and, I guess I never realized how much I depended on that. I didn't know how to react to you being reduced to…Bethany. But I should've respected you like you always do for me. I'm sorry."

"NO! Not them, Your Highness! It was me, it was all me, okay? Y-you can't expect to teach anyone a lesson by killing all of us!"

"You dare try to tell me how to PUNISH!?"

"Look, all that Hell is gonna see is you executing imps who are just trying to do their job! I'm the rogue here, not them!"

"Blitz, what are you doing?"

"Your Highness, please. Blitz just--"

"Moxxie, stop."

"Blitz, I can't let you-"

"This big red bitch never planned on hearing us out... Just... just take care of Loona for me."

"I love you, guys."

"Sir-sir, you're here!"

"Dad!"

"Don't you ever do that to me again, you fucking idiot!"

Moxxie was right, they are most definitely not a family. /sarcasm

[we-are-maladaptive]

a story in which katsuki's bratty son tries to blackmail his mother! how terrible

— characters. katsuki, reader, katsuma (the son)

— contents. fluff, katsuma is a little shit

— word count. 600

— authors note. GJFCK MFGVFDXK GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDOMESTICTRASFJNRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGJBJFNVDSLM

Your son is alot like his father, in good ways mostly.

He stands up for himself at school, and is mostly independent. For the most part, Katsuma was a pretty easy kid.

However, he can also be the most major little shit on the planet, much like in the situation you're in now. He's learned what blackmail is, and he loves it.

You were in the kitchen, baking cookies, when you heard Katsuma’s voice from the living room. "Ma! What's this?" he yelled.

You turned to see your five-year-old holding the pregnancy test you had thrown away earlier.

Oh no.

Your heart skipped a beat. "Katsuma, where did you find that?" you asked, trying to stay calm.

"In the trash," he said with a mischievous grin. "I'm gon' tell Dad unless you give me extra cookies- and I wan' that brand new hero figurine at the store...AND I wan' my own bb gun- AND!!! I wan' a brand new pair of boo-"

"Katsuma." you sighed. You've known your son to be a major handful all his life, but also know realizing he did indeed have you in a tight spot. "Katsuma, this is important. I wanted to tell your dad in a special way."

Katsuma pouted, crossing his arms. "Fine, but I still want extra cookies...and the figure...an' can I still have the bb gun?" You sighed once more.

"Alright, you can have two extra cookies- AND the figurine... but you have to promise to keep this a secret for now," you said, hoping to buy some time.

"Deal," he said, his eyes gleaming with pride.

As you handed him the cookies, you couldn't help but feel frustrated, yet a bit amused. Katsuma was a lot like his father—brash, stubborn, and always wanting to be in control. You watched as he stuffed the cookies into his mouth, crumbs falling everywhere, and shook your head with a small smile.

Just then, you heard the front door open. Katsuki walked in, looking as intense as ever. "What's going on in here, hm?" he asked, sensing the tension.

Katsuma jumped in before you could speak. "Mom's got a secret, but she won't tell me!"

You shot a look at Katsuma, then turned to Katsuki. "It's not like that! I just…I found out something today and wanted to surprise you..."

Katsuki raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? What's that?"

Taking a deep breath, you decided it was now or never. "Katsuki, I’m pregnant. We're having another baby."

For a moment, he just stared at you, processing the news. Then, a rare, genuine smile spread across his face. it was sadly short lived, and replaced with a smirk instead. "Oh really?".

Katsuma looked between the two of you, his earlier mischief forgotten. "So, does that mean I get a little brother or sister to boss around?"

"Katsuma, you will not be bossing your them around." you said, ruffling his hair. "You have to be a good big brother, okay?"

Katsuma's eyes widened. "I’ll be the best big brother ever! Can I teach them how to play hero games?"

You chuckled. "Sure, but you'll also need to help take care of them."

Katsuki walked over and pulled you into a gentle hug. "I'm really happy, you know," he said quietly. "This is good news."

You relaxed into his embrace, feeling a wave of relief. "I was so nervous about telling you."

He pulled back slightly, looking into your eyes. "Why? You know I’m always here for you, no matter what."

Katsuma tugged at Katsuki’s pant leg. "Dad, does this mean we need to buy more baby stuff?"

Katsuki laughed. "Yeah, it does. And you can help pick it out." "Good! Yknow dad...when we go to the store,I wanted to see if you could buy me a new figurine..or a bb gun...or a brand new pair of boo-" "No." "Oh.. DAMNIT!"

The rest of the evening was filled with excited chatter about the new baby. Katsuma kept asking questions about what it would be like to have a sibling, while Katsuki suggested names and joked about teaching the new baby how to be tough like him.

Later, after dinner, you all sat together in the living room. Katsuma was snuggled between you and Katsuki, half-asleep from all the excitement.

Katsuki looked over at you, his expression softer than usual. "You know, I never imagined myself having a family like this," he admitted. "But I wouldn't trade it for anything."

You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through you. "Me neither. We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?"

He nodded, reaching over to squeeze your hand. "Yeah, we have. And it’s only going to get better from here."

[butterscotchpiesandguys]

Bad Boys Get More

I had been working my office job for years now, at least 3. I talked my way up and had been happily ready to be promoted. But last time someone got it over me, no big deal. I wasn't concerned. I mean he was here longer than even I was! So of course he did! And then this month I had applied and interviewed again for a manager spot. Even higher than I got before. Unfortunately... I had been passed up again.

This time was different though. This time was much much worse. It was some guy with tats all over his body. That wasn't the only problem either. Devin, the new "manager" and guy in question, just didn't show up to work some days. So I decided enough was enough and I tried to confront my boss about it. It was his decision ultimately.

"Hey." I said a bit annoyed, but trying to conceal it. "Mind if I have a piece of your time, Henry."

My boss looked at me, he was also a bit younger... not as young as me but not old old? Probably just about 40. "Yeah sure, what's it about." He said a bit plainly as he walked back into his office, me following.

"It's about Devin." He nodded, knowing what I was going to say. "Why was he chosen over me? I mean... he has such shit attendance! He barely even did his job!"

By now Henry was a bit upset, I had been talking about this for the past week to other co-workers and he had overheard it. This was his decision and now he'd let me know why. "You wanna know why Devin got the job instead of you? One simple reason. He's chill."

"What?"

He continued as if I hadn't said a word. "Devin's a cool guy, he's been here a little less than you, sure, but he won't complain when someone else gets the job instead of him." He looked at me and nodded, as if knowing something.

"But he hardly looks professional!" I blurted out.

"Neither do you, Colt." Colt? Who's Colt? "But don't worry, we don't discriminate here against what's on someone's body. Which by the way, what are all of yours about?" He pointed to my arm... what was happening to it?! Black writing was going down it and ink filled it up. Making images, Henry came over and looked at my arm.

"Oh that? That's a meaning between someone and... wait... no..." I tried to resist.

"No need... dang, what gym do you go to? I would ask the next question on our interview but you've worked here for a while and I do know you can lift more than 50 pounds now." I looked at my bulking up physique. I tried to stop it but it just looked like I was flexing more. I held back a chuckle.

"Well... I think the interview might be done. You have the job, unless you have questions for me."

"I-I... What did you do to me?!" I stood up and looked at my body. My clothes clung to every bit of me, an outline in my pants and pecs obvious.

"Why Colt, I just made you able to get the job you wanted. Trust me. We were going to give it to you anyways but with how you were acting? Devin put in a good word at least. Said all you needed to do was be more like him. So... there ya go." He stood up and shook my hand.

"You'll get used to your new life during your shift with Dev tonight, shouldn't take long. Tons of changes... hopefully you find them all for the better." Henry smirked as he walked out. Devin came into the room.

"Glad to see you finally got 'your' Position dude. We're gonna have fun tonight..."

[strawberrynightmere]

Hi! Can I make a request? I simply loved the fanfic you made of Andrew and Ashley as cats! I think it would be very comical to live with these two as cats, can I ask you for a sequel? Like with Andrew suffering from love for the reader and also with his yandere tendencies to keep every man away from the reader?

Ask and you shall receive.

Also, I appreciate that there are people interested my work

Bad Cats!!! [Part 2]

Warning ⚠️ : yandere tendencies and such, reader has bad memory i guess, I don't know how to put up warnings, so read at your own risk

A/n: Sorry, it wasn't exactly what you expected it to be.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Finishing the project that your incompetent boss pushed onto you, press save and close your work laptop, and you stretch to relive your aching muscles.

"Meow!" Oops. You accidentally woke up Andrew, but he didn't jump off your lap like any normal cat. He just continued cuddling up to you. Andrew was not a normal cat, personality-wise. Where Ashley was the classic feral street cat that turned into those stereotypical house cats.

Lately, you've been having a reoccurring dream about being in an embrace of a guy with black hair and green eyes whispering something that you can't really remember. Something about him felt familiar, but you couldn't really figure out what.

When you told Nina about this, the only thing she said was; "He sounds hot. Maybe that's your soulmate." Why you still confide in her is a whole other mystery. However, when you told Julia about your reoccurring dream, she said, "It's weird that you remember it in detail." And that's true, you don't remember most of your dreams, but when you do, it's always blurry.

Well, whatever. you have chores to do, and you can't procrastinate. Carefully taking Andrew off of your lap and got to work. Funny enough, neither Ashley nor Andrew reacted to the vacuum. They just left the room.

Those two are such strange cats.

Once you finished the chores, you were about to make dinner, but it seemed that you were missing a few ingredients, which was weird because you were sure there was enough from yesterday.

Oh, well. It's time to buy more. Before you head out the door, you announce to the cats that you'll be out for a bit. You lock the door and leave to the supermarket.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Now, it was just Andrew and Ashley left there. Neither of them changed from their cat forms, but you could see the look Andrew was giving Ashley.

"What?" She asked, there was no answer. "If she didn't want anyone to eat it, she should've put a sign or something."

"She already thinks we're strange. She doesn't need to know that one of us turns human just to raid her fridge while she's sleeping." Andrew decided to break his judgmental silence, and that was pretty hypocritical of him considering what he dose.

Ashley rolled her eyes at her brother. She didn't find this to be a big deal. Besides, you weren't suspicious of anything. But it seemed that that wasn't the reason for his grumpy attitude.

And Ashley noticed that.

"Listen, if you're still hung up on the fact that she might find someone and metaphorically ride into the sunset with them. Why don't you just... "Tie her down to you."...?" Andrew continued to stare at her blankly.

That was kind of irritating her.

"God! Do I have to spell it out for you? Get. Her. Pregnant!"

Andrew was shocked, to say the least.

Ashley decides to defend her answer. "I mean, if you don't want those hussies taking her, that is."

That was a stupid idea, Andrew shook his head and left. Ashley rolled her eyes again at his "dramatic" behavior.

What kind of situation would he be put in to make that kind of decision?

It was a crazy idea.

He's better than that.

Is he, though?

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

A/n: I could've done better than that, but I hope you enjoyed it.

[wannaeatramyeon]

Jake Kim x Reader: Cinema

G/N. Soft and fluffy feat Big Deal a lil.

 "You on a date, boss?"

Jake says yes without missing a beat, flashing you a grin and snaking his arm around your waist.

He sees the smirk on Jason's face, the light nudge Lineman gives Brad, and the pride and approval on Jerry's face.

The grin soon melts away though, when Brad follows up with "You going to see Rocky XX too?" and Jake only just manages to hide his grimace.

The answer to that is also yes. But he would prefer to not have a date crashed by the rest of the crew.

Heavens above, you're patient enough with Big Deal and so sweet to everyone. Gotten to know the street and the occupants like the back of your hand, spending more evenings and weekends there than not. 

However. Even with how much Jake lives and breathes Big Deal, he misses some one on one time with you.

Away from everyone, he thinks as he takes in the sight of his boys in front of him. He can't exactly tell them to go away though, can he? A rare weekend off work where they get to just be.

He succumbs to his fate. 

Imagines everyone huddled on the one row together. Seated next to each other. Cosy. A family affair instead of a romantic date. Probably won't be able to sneak you some kisses here and there-

"We're not seeing Rocky!" comes the unmistakable sound of Lua's voice. "We're going to watch The Boy and The Pigeon! Enjoy your film!"

She disappears as quickly as she arrives. A whirlwind of hair and a force of nature. Giving you both a small wave, mind laser focused on reading the goddamn room and shoving the boys towards a different screen.

"B-but we already got the tickets!"

"I wanted to see Rocky XX!"

"Why does Jake think seeing Rocky is romantic anyway?!"

Why?

To be honest, the Rocky franchise died off somewhere along V. Who knows how the hell these films are still being greenlit. Nevertheless, the newest one is a low stakes film where Jake doesn't care what happens apart from you cuddling up to him and some kisses if he's lucky.

It's calculated and planned and Jake mentally pats himself on the back for how things have turned out.

Except-

What he didn't expect was the score to be good, the script to be great, the choreography to be amazing, and the acting to be even better. Neither of you could take your eyes off the screen. You laughed and cried and gasped together. 

Thoughts of cuddling and kissing and even making out completely out the window as you're both on the edge of your seat for the entire two hours.

It was fantastic. Perhaps the best movie he has ever seen (and he could practice some of those moves too).

You're both still talking about it as he walks you home-

"When he came back as a zombie to fight that vampire?"

"And the lizard joins the fight to win the title?" Jake chuckles, at your enthusiasm more than anything else, "Yeah. I liked that."

But as your apartment appears on the horizon, he can't help but think that maybe this was a bit of a waste. That the day is over and as good as the film was, maybe he should have arranged something else, after all it’s been a while since both your schedules have aligned.  A date where you can actually talk and be in each other's company. Instead of being captivated by the screen, your attention could have been held by him.

Jake tries to shake off the doubts and recapture the lighter mood from seconds ago.

He's not entirely successful.

You realise something is amiss.

You peer over at your boyfriend. His sudden subduedness. The small line forming between his eyebrows that you hate so much, because it means he's unhappy about something. You pause mid step and he stops alongside you.

"Don’t overthink it. I had fun," you tell him. You always have fun with him. "Thank you."

Jake's smile returns when he sees the expectant look in your eyes. The way you stretch up towards him. press yourself into his space, and he leans down; meeting you halfway.

Your lips lightly press to his, eyes closing, eyelashes fluttering on his cheeks and his own falling shut. Strong arms encircle you, pulling you ever closer, deepening the contact.

There'll be a next time, your kiss reassures him.

You tastes like popcorn. Sugar and butter and salt. Sweet and savoury and perfect.

[funishment-time]

i desperately want more spin-offs like UDG where we're given the events of DR through Very Different points of view.

one idea i always enjoyed is a Protagonist completely disconnected from the main cast, who does not know or care that the Remnants were once innocent kids and will once again be (mostly) innocent kids, who is not invested in hope versus despair or whatever the fuck. they see terrorists and suffering and they want the Remnants dead.

battling big-ass Nekomaru is cool and all, but i'm thinking boss fights to agonize the player where you're chasing down non-fighters like Ibuki and Mahiru and you see a flash of who they used to be before delivering the blow. each time the protagonist has to be convinced to only knock them out, to let the FF deal with them. each time the protagonist has to tell themself that the infinite layers of grief they see in those young eyes are manipulative, false.

you don't know who Sato or Natsumi or Chiaki are. you know half your friends are gone and your city's exploded and you haven't heard from your partner in two months. you're able to split up the yakuza couple and, heavily injured and unable to move, the bodyguard woman with the sword yells for her boss. what was it? Inuhiko? Fuyuhiko? she reaches out. you swing the bat.

because it doesn't matter what they were: it only matters what they took from you, the Protagonist

[oceaneyesinla]

This is silly and maybe a little OOC, but I love Chuuya more than life itself and he deserves to be happy <3

You've seen the way Chuuya's eyes linger on the posters for the shelter as you pass, and you would be a fool to miss the way he slows down whenever you walk past a puppy in the street, relying on you holding his hand to make sure he doesn't walk straight into a lamppost.

It's adorable. One of the most dangerous men in Yokohama, a feared Port Mafia executive with a rap sheet longer than he is tall, and he can't help the little smile on his face whenever he sees a dog.

You know he's been quietly scheming for years at this point, trying to find to mesh his the demands of his work and his desire for a four legged companion. You can't watch any longer. You can't watch him find a litter of puppies, big smile on his face, only for that smile to fall into a sad frown as he reluctantly hands them over to the shelter.

So you make your own scheme. It involves some negotiation, and more than a little bribery, but you find a way to make it work. Now the only part left is surprising Chuuya, and that's your favourite part of the mission.

He doesn't suspect a thing as you lead him down the street, his fingers interlaced with yours and his hoodie wrapped around you. It's almost too easy to get him exactly where you want him and you know the moment he realises just where you are because he stops, tugging you to a halt with him.

You're in front of the door to the shelter, and your unoccupied hand is already on the handle. You've never seen those pretty blue eyes so cautiously hopeful and you have to hold back the most undignified noises at just how cute he looks.

"Why are we here?" His head tilts a little and you can't help but smile.

"We're getting a dog, obviously."

"What do you mean, 'obviously'? There's no way this will work out. I leave the apartment for days at a time, and you have to work too." That spark in his eye is dying out, and you don't like that at all.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about a thing!" You release the door handle to playfully bop his nose, and a little laugh escapes you as he tries and fails to look put out at the action, "Mori-san said we can bring them into the office as long as they're well behaved, and Higuchi and Gin will look after them if we're both busy."

Chuuya just blinks at you, taking a moment to find his voice, "You ... you went to the boss about us getting a dog?"

You shrug; it really isn't a big deal - there's precious little you wouldn't do for one Nakahara Chuuya. The way he's staring at you like he's planning your wedding, though, suggests it might be a big deal to him.

Your voice softens as you smile at him, "You've wanted this for ages. I just want you to be happy."

The grin you get in return is nothing short of radiant, and you let out a little squeal as he lifts you up and spins you round. As quick as he does that, he's setting you back on your feet, grabbing your hand and all but dragging you into the building. You're not sure you've ever seen him this excited, and you quietly take in his joy, commiting every smile and every word to memory. After all, that's why you did all this - for him.

[imraespace]

LIFE'S HARD WHEN YOU'RE INLOVE ─

─ WITH RIN ITOSHI !!

"Um.. L/N there's a teacher.. again, who wants to see you." A student spoke up, breaking you from your phone.

A sigh fell from your lips, why do teachers want to see you all of a sudden? The last time you got called a bunch of times was for helping other students in certain subjects, you had to make excuses to turn them down.

The student didn't seem like they were leaving anytime soon so you decided to follow them and meet this teacher.

Yesterday, you were asked to give some papers to a teacher and you forgot completely, what if it's the same teacher? Are they angry with you? Now you need to think of an excuse..

The long walk to the staff room wasn't your favorite but then you noticed that you'd passed the staff room.

"Where are we going?" You asked them person besides you.

"We're almost there no worries." They said.

You both walked a bit more until you reached a door.

"This is your stop!" They said and then left, leaving you alone.

"Erm.." You mumbled, took a deep breath, and then opened the door.

You opened the door and were greeted with an office, decorated with football on the wall. The feeling of the cool air condition hits you as you slowly enter and close the door behind you.

Another thing that hit you was the soft sweet smell of perfume filling the air. Maybe it wasn't so bad making your way here..

Oh wait your excuse.

You heard the chair spin as a woman with brown hair greeted you.

"Oh you're here, hello L/N! That's your name right?" She greeted.

You nodded, looking around the room.

"You can sit here," She said, pointing at a small couch she had in her office. You made your way to the couch as she sat next to you.

What's happening.

"Um did I do something wrong?" You asked.

She shook her head with a small smile.

"You see, yesterday I asked a student to request you to bring me some papers but I completely forgot about how you are." She stated.

"How I am?"

She nodded at your words.

"You turned down the teachers who offered you to tutor students, I mostly see you sleeping during breaks.." She continued.

"So, I'm here for something?" You asked, cutting her off.

"Oh right! My name is Anri Teieri, or Miss. Teieri. I'm the manager of the school's football team." She said with a smile.

"Football team.." You mumbled and she nodded with a smile.

"My boss, well who's also the coach, left me in charge of dealing with this problem we have. Apparently, the school doesn't like how "harsh" he is and demands we come up with ways to "satisfy" the team. The thing is the team doesn't really complain but.." She trailed off.

You're not really into football, so you don't know how "harsh" the coach is and to be honest, growing up with Chigiri you saw how much he improved in football ever since he came to the school.

"So I'm here because.." You mumbled.

She smiled.

"You're friends with some of the players and you're around their age so I was hoping maybe you can be like.. a co-manager? And maybe help me out?" She asked you.

Now you weren't expecting that. Your face lit up, confusion and surprised were present.

You pointed towards yourself, mouth slightly opened. she nodded.

"Um.. okay, but won't it be like a lot of work?" Lazy habit.

Anri smiled.

"You just gonna give me ideas that's all, I'm doing paperwork. You can even come in here and hang out in the cool during breaks!"

AC breaks? You're so in.

"I accept this job." You instantly confessed. Anri, with a big smile nodded her head at your words.

"Don't tell them though! Not now at least." She warned.

"Okay." You didn't ask why.

After that short meeting, you made your way back to your classroom. That is.. Until you saw him again.

"He's still practicing?" You asked yourself. This time around you saw that he looked extremely exhausted and had no water.

You squinted your eyes and began thinking. He needs water to continue practicing.. So who are you to NOT give him any?

.

.

.

Rin looked over to the benches and noticed a water bottle again.

"What the hell.."

.

.

Atleast this time you remembered to not add your kitty drawing!

━ 6:56 PM

You're no fool. By the way, Hyoma texted you knew he wasn't okay. You just don't know what you did to make him react like that. Was it something you said?

Boys are so weird for you, one is oddly making your eyes glued onto him and now one has period swings? Weird.

Seishiro is okay, he's your bro. Reo is your mother. Meguru and Yoichi are your best friends, sometimes like your siblings.

With those thoughts, you fell asleep at 7:23 PM.

.

.

.

Seishiro Nagi, a close individual of yours, has now entered your room.

The light from outside your room pooled into your room as he left the door open, walking up to check up on you.

A frown was formed on his face as he noticed nothing is on your bed. His eyes landed on Choki on your bedside table and decided to leave it there.

"Choki will help you if you need them." Sei softed said, petting your head as he finally walked back out, leaving you with your dreams.

ANRI TEIERI (22) :

Despite being a staff member, you both form a friendly relationship sooner or later. Besides, you had already liked her from the time she mentioned free AC.

5 // 7

note: am i the only one who cringes at my work after i write it

TAGLIST: @deezy12299 @kuroronana @khoiyyu @sawgkittybear (OPEN) ! if you didn't get tag, that means your acc didn't show up :(

-`♥︎´- for this story, i'm trying a something new, which includes words/phrases, foods and hometowns from japan and germany. if there's any errors please point it out !

-`♥︎´- word count : 924

[ladyluscinia]

Izzy Hands Is Manipulative, But Not That Way

...or I finally finish that long ass meta post about why I love the fucking Navy Plot lol

The Izzy manipulation debate has been really interesting to me pretty much since it started, because I'd see a post arguing he's manipulating Edward and go "No, and he couldn't if he tried" and then the next post would say he sucks at manipulation because he's a blunt fucking instrument and I'd go "Yea- wait. Hmm. No, he can be targeted and tricky as fuck." Which does, on its surface, seem like a contradictory stance, but I swear it works.

Because the thing with Izzy - and this is such a fun thing imo - is there are two core types of manipulation that characters engage in, and Izzy fucking sucks at the one you expect his style of antagonist to focus on. But he's scarily good at the other.

Long meta under the cut, so get comfy.

...

From his role under Edward to the protagonist vs antagonist dynamic setup to his introduction scenes, Izzy is very much invoking the conniving second in command. We know this character from other media. He doesn't have the full power he wants so he's constantly scheming to get it. He can't or won't challenge his boss for some reason, so he settles for being the devil on their shoulder or working behind their back. He's the voice constantly ready to inflame insecurities and turn relationship cracks into chasms, and usually he's lying constantly to do so. His fingerprints are all over his boss's problems up to the moment they show some weakness, and then their loyal second goes right for the backstab. He is THE ambitious manipulator. The shady advisor. The snake.

And then you actually look at Izzy and he is not that guy. In fact, it's a testament to the strength of Edward's character arc how much his evil little henchman is not causing his problems.

So - Izzy and manipulation:

Izzy Can't Convince People To Do Things

Like. He really can't.

This interpersonal struggle is fairly fundamental to his character. And moreover, it's a skill that Izzy is intensely aware that he lacks, so usually he doesn't even try.

In his first episode he walks right up to Buttons and just straight up asks him for the information on his party. He doesn't even resolve to steal the hostages until he realizes that Stede has lost them in the bush already, and Izzy obtains them by buying them. When Stede confronts him they end up splitting the pair in a very above-board negotiation and he pretty much just goes with what Stede suggests.

Then in 1x03, people make a big deal of Izzy "manipulating" Edward by not clarifying that Stede didn't know who he was when he turned down the invite, but kind of importantly he repeats the damning line of the conversation faithfully. If he was going to lie, then why not lie? Why even go see Stede at all? And, if he didn't want Stede dead until after the conversation (understandable, tbh, since "Iggy" was stab-worthy), surely he could invent a better insult to rile Edward up. It makes his omission hit more like being bitchy about Stede not recognizing the obvious - namely that Izzy Hands works for Blackbeard and literally everyone knows this - than a slander campaign to get him killed. And once we properly meet Izzy and Edward in 1x04, Izzy's inability to manipulate becomes his main struggle.

Izzy's a blunt and direct person. He leans on authority bestowed by Blackbeard to take control of situations, playing the role he's supposed to play, and without it he lacks a Plan B. In 1x04 he doesn't have any authority over Edward, so his efforts to get him to take the danger of the Spanish seriously amount to "Well as bored as you might be, if you don't make a decision soon we're gonna fucking die." And this is true! There might be a very subconscious attempt at manipulation in his resignation speech before the "That's Blackbeard. I'm Stede, remember?" line - of the piss him off to get him to get his shit together variety - but Edward literally makes a joke out of it so not exactly effective.

And once Edward stops giving Izzy authority in general, his plan to make Lucius do stuff is still just... brute force. Which works at first when Lucius doesn't realize that Izzy's on his own now, and stops working as soon as Fang breaks ranks. His last ditch blackmail attempt isn't manipulative either - he just plans to tell the truth to Pete and assumes he'll be pissed about it. My guy loses a fight over the pirate equivalent of making an uppity employee clean the coffee maker while the boss is out. Not only does he fail to manipulate the crew in a conniving antagonist way... he doesn't even try.

I mean, the only time he (somewhat) succeeds in talking someone into things is 1x06. Getting Edward to agree to killing Stede isn't really manipulation - Izzy gets Fang and Ivan to back him in a very straightforward way because they all actually do have a stake in this - but he's passably able to push Stede to go through with the fuckery via fake compliments. It's not exactly high level work, though. Stede being vulnerable to ego-stroking / dares is pretty obvious.

So what is Izzy good at?

Well, if you can't make people do anything other than what they were going to do in the first place, you might as well lean into that.

...

Izzy Manipulates Situations, Not People

Situational manipulation is one of those fictional tropes that rarely can happen in real life, but there's not much resemblance because real life rarely gives you all the building blocks for a proper gambit and lets you loose. Too many factors. In narratives, though? It becomes one of my favorite ways of having a character be clever.

And before I get into this too much, a really fun sidenote - I think Izzy does situational manipulation more like the way protagonists do it. See, antagonists are usually emotionally and situationally manipulative (ex: provoking the hero to lash out and using it to frame them for a bigger crime), but it's not a good look when your hero drives the target to do something bad and then punishes them for it. So heroes lean on stuff like Batman Gambits - where the lynchpin of the scheme is the target fucking themselves over by behaving completely in character. They've written Izzy so ineffective at emotional manipulation that he pretty much has to rely on other characters' flaws or histories to cause problems, which has a very similar result. And it's wild.

...

Going back to the 1x03 confrontation in Jackie's bar, Izzy doesn't really do anything abnormal in how he conducts himself, but people are picking up on an agenda for a reason. Namely, the whole damn conversation quickly turns into a trap, and Izzy fully sits back and watches Stede spring it from sheer idiocy.

There's no indication that when Izzy walked up he wasn't going to carry out his task with all the bitchy professionalism expected of him, while probably hoping that Stede would eventually stick his foot in his mouth without Izzy's help (assuming he's the kind of idiot Izzy thinks he is). His first section of this conversation is nearly polite:

Izzy (about the Nose Jar): "I have a few colleagues in there." Stede: "Ugh. You again." Geraldo: "Mr. Hands, welcome. It's been a while." Izzy: "(To Geraldo) Yeah, because I hate this fucking place. (To Stede) But for some inexplicable reason, my boss would like a word with you. Bonnet."

It's not until Stede starts talking that I think Izzy clues in that Stede doesn't actually know who his boss is. He didn't introduce himself until the literal last second of their 1x02 interaction, so it wasn't obvious Stede wasn't literally bolting into the forest in horrified realization.

And Stede? He goes hard on being a bitch right out the gate. Brushes Izzy off, tells him to "get in line", calls him the wrong name, says he doesn't care who Izzy is...

Izzy so far has met Stede in a public place, in front of people who clearly treat Izzy with respect and fear. He doesn't bring up their previous interaction, Stede does. He doesn't even goad Stede beyond existing. He corrects him on his name, and watches it not register in the slightest. The next line is the clincher:

Izzy (slightly incredulous): "So I'll tell my Captain that you're declining then, yeah?"

As Izzy is speaking the conversation becomes a trap - he chooses a reasonable way to refer to Edward that isn't "Blackbeard" and waits to see if Stede will make this worse. The jump from "no I'm busy" to "tell him he has terrible taste in flunkies and he can go suck eggs in Hell" is all Stede, completely ignoring context clues as Geraldo stares on in horror. Hell, Jackie only refrains from later de-nosing Stede on the spot because Geraldo knows what's up, and Stede still doesn't pick up on the fact he should maybe be asking some questions (though I'll give him the knife was distracting).

Izzy returns to the ship, quotes Stede directly for his damning line, and waits to see what Edward will do with it. It's not good behavior on his part (and if he could have seen the future he might have tried worse), but switching mid-conversation to offering Stede an opportunity to fuck himself over is a very different mindset than simply lying to / provoking Stede or Edward to get what he wants. He's mostly being petty.

Stede did insult Edward of his own volition, after all, and just because Izzy fudges the truth to hide he didn't know he was insulting Blackbeard instead of just Izzy and a random stranger doesn't change that. All Izzy did to "escalate" that conversation was give Stede a second opening to do so himself.

But there is a far better example of Izzy masterfully manipulating a situation than this in-the-moment bit of pettiness, so let's move onto my favorite bit... explaining in extensive and slightly awestruck detail why the Navy plot. Fucking. Rules. Because it does. Ready?

...

How to Mastermind the Decisive Removal of One Stupid Fucking Stede Bonnet Over Drinks

Ahem. The Navy plot. Masterclass in intimate betrayal. Izzy's biggest escalation in the total collapse of Edward and Izzy's relationship, but also a completely fucking fascinating glimpse into whatever tangled web of codependency they've got going on, because Edward isn't even mad after 1x09. This wordcount is going to be insane enough without me getting into the Blackhands relationship connotations, so I will... attempt... to stick to breaking down the actual scheme.

And what a scheme it was.

Let's start at the beginning. Jack showing up to lure them into the trap at the start of 1x08? Nope, earlier. Izzy getting kicked off the ship and going to Jackie at the end of 1x06? Further back. Edward proposing the "kill Stede" plan at the end of 1x04, which is the domino that starts all this, right? Closer, but still no.

Izzy's first appearance on screen is in episode 1x02, and that episode is where the seeds of the Navy plot are first planted. See, during Stede's confrontation with Izzy, both of the hostages chime in:

Hostage 1 (Wellington): "Believe him, he's quite insane." Hostage 2 (Hornberry): "He does have the eyes of a madman. Sorry, you do."

Wellington says his line in a tone of voice that clearly indicates a story to tell, and it should also be noted that he is the same one who earlier jumped at the chance to tell the tribe chief about Stede murdering their captain - Nigel. And he's the one that Izzy leaves with, in a sour mood and wanting information about this "Stede Bonnet" character.

When Izzy later reaches out to the Navy, it's no coincidence that he finds Chauncey. He's known since right after their first meeting that Stede was directly responsible for the murder of an Admiral's brother and that the English Navy would know soon enough, since he was literally about to ransom a hostage back to them who would tell the story. And he filed that information away until it was useful or relevant like a clever pirate should.

Moving on to Jackie's bar in 1x03, Izzy gets more potentially useful observations / inspiration. Jackie is actually the first person in the series to make a deal with a naval power. Izzy and crew track the Revenge to the Spanish warship, which means they must see Geraldo sold out Stede to them. Izzy isn't stupid. He knows Geraldo and Spanish Jackie, knows that she's the brains and brawn behind this deal, and has seen enough of Stede that he'd absolutely believe that he did something to get Jackie pissed enough to plot his murder. File away Jackie wants Stede dead and details of how she nearly succeeded in offing him for later.

Izzy spends 1x05 up to the fuckery demonstration observing Stede's crew while waiting for Edward to pull the trigger. I definitely want to note the scene where they interrogate the Frenchman at the beginning of 1x05, because Izzy is staring directly at Stede as he leans away from Edward threatening violence (we know this will later be in his love montage so not actually a turn off, lol, but like... it looked like one). His opinion of the crew is that they like to fuck around without structure (1x05 during the party), probably that they enjoy more standard pirate levels of violence (not shown directly since they are kept out of the 1x05 raid, but fairly obvious), and that they are really easily awestruck by the chance to hear "real pirates" tell charismatic stories (1x06 ghost story).

Any of that sounding like someone we know?

And now to go back to Izzy in 1x06, when he gets sick of Edward being cagey about the plan to kill Stede and decides to "make" him stop stalling, he's straightforward again. Getting Ivan and Fang to back him isn't emotionally manipulative, but it does give him weight in the conversation. They are the ones who bring up the whole "love of a pet makes a man weak" thing, and they do it in the context of calling out hypocrisy. Izzy knows the standards Edward holds his crew to. He lets them convince Edward it's time.

Taking the chance to suggest Stede try a fuckery is a strong blend of situational and emotional manipulation, and later challenging him to a formal duel knowing he'd be overconfident enough to accept is more situational again. Even the terms of the duel are designed to take advantage of the situation. And then Izzy loses in the most comedy way possible, Edward lets him get banished, and Izzy decides that if he was ok with just sending Stede Bonnet on his way to fuck-off before... he's fucking gonna kill him now.

My guy is not a creative thinker, but he's definitely a logistical one. And as he rows away from that ship, all the pieces fall into place.

First, Spanish Jackie. Who listens to him bemoan his relationship woes because she likes him (Izzy gets Jackie in the divorce). Who wants Stede dead and has the clout to summon and deal with a distasteful ally - Chauncey. Together, they concoct an arrangement where a trap will be set and Chauncey gets Stede and only Stede. This isn't a tip-off or a free-for-all. Stede comes from Chauncey's world and they are sending him back. Permanently.

Then it's time for the trap itself, which needs to do two things: get the Revenge somewhere that Chauncey can corner it, and get Edward out of there. And Izzy? Izzy knows Edward. Knows there's one particular person in his past that will have no trouble integrating with the crew, getting Edward to act more like a pirate than a gentleman, and who happens to have a great ambush location on hand.

I've said this before but I'm gonna say it again - I don't think outside characters realize how hard and fast Edward is falling for Stede. The BlackBonnet bonding moments happen almost exclusively when they are alone. The place Izzy dramatically fails to manipulate the situation is not having the evidence he would need to predict Edward going back for Stede. He (and Jack) both think that a precise wedge between BlackBonnet - one that Jack delivers near flawlessly by playing into real issues - will be enough to remind Edward that Stede isn't his people. This isn't a plan to murder the love of Edward's life while his back is turned. It's a plan to get rid of Stede, and remind Edward why he was on board with doing that in the first place. "That's fair," Izzy says about a punch to the face.

Instead, Izzy's plot accidentally backs Edward into a corner and forces him to publicly pull a grand-gesture relationship level-up that he was not emotionally ready for, and the fallout from that explosion is way worse than any of our conspirators were counting on.

Still... you gotta admit. It was a really good plan.

[akirathedramaqueen]

A little bit of mumbling about the Full Moon episode and Stolitz drama

ALERT: multiple Helluva Boss spoilers, so, please, be advised

Yea, it's another episode of "I can't get over relationship issues of a red lizard and a tall owl", so buckle up, and let me give my share of thoughts about how important was what we have seen in the "Full Moon" episode.

I appeciate if you read it, because it's quite big and I realise, that not much people like longreads, but I desperately wanted it out, and I wanted to try to engage with HB community, as I saw so many wonderful points, analysis, and observations out here.

So... let's go, I guess!

The Growth Concept

Once, my therapist told me, that sometimes, the only way to grow and do better is to face a challenge you cannot avoid anymore, albeit desperately would want to. We do not grow, when everything is convenient and stable, no matter whether "stable" means stability or stalling. We grow, when life pushes us to do so, when we have nowhere to run anymore. When there is... when there is just no other way.

The Full Moon meeting, albeit infinitely sad and hurting, was the challenge for them to become the better versions of themselves. Stolas caused the rumbling, something you cannot take back anymore, something which couldn't be returned to status quo. It was very brave of him to do so, to give the chance to be open and vulnerable for a change.

"It's... we're not... it's not a... It's a transactional fucking, you see" - S1EP5. As you may witness here, in S2EP8, exhibit A is clearly not happy with the transactional deal ending in his favor

But could it be better than that?

Even before the episode came out, I don't think anyone had expectations for the meeting to not turn out ugly. Trailer already hinted at that, and, besides, their earlier interactions gave nothing of "let's communicate" vibe.

Stolas was not clear about wanting to talk their issues out, the viewer was the only one who knew he longs for that. Yes, you may say that Stolas *suggested* to discuss what happened at Ozzie's, as we have seen at the end of the "Western Energy" episode, but immediately retreated after, I am sorry, a simple question "why?". It does not mean "no", yet, Stolas instantly gave up and fell into one-side poor explanation of what he thinks happened, not giving Blitzø space to engage.

People also like to mention Blitzø's one-liners of an answer, implying him not wanting to do anything with Stolas, but I want to point out how Stolas himself bolted out of every opportunity to meet. Blitzø never said "no" clearly, and still Stolas cut every opportunity out.

Notice also how Stolas's messages are much more complicated and over-explaining, while Blitzø's are extra short and on point. I think it also shows in how different environments they were raised in, with Stolas knowing royal etiquitte, where everything is a sub-text, intrigue, rules, and no one is quite clear on intentions, and Blitzø not giving second thought about what leaves his mouth, or, in the case of messages, textbox. It's not only in their ability to simply write grammatically accurate, it's in their style of communication, culture even, where the problems of Stolas is to play the politics, and Blitzø's problem is to simply stay on float for another day.

And Blitzø? Hell, my poor man is deaf, blind, mute, and emotionally illiterate. It took Fizz 40 seconds to crack the case open in the "Oops" episode, and Blitzø didn't even pick up on it, despite being said twice he is wrong about Stolas. He would never come to *that* conclusion himself, even if the whole show cast will scream "STOLAS LOVES YOU" in his face. How can you expect him to even try to comprehend hints in behaviour and messages? And don't be fooled by his "it's only transactional, you see" moments - when he never says he is into Stolas, the show gave us plenty material to doubt that statement. He averts his gaze, saying "it's only a deal", hence he lies. He blushes when seeing Stolas's human form, hence he likes him. He is offended and hurt by Ozzie's accident, hence he cares. He crawls himself on knees and is not bothered by chains, hence he wants to belong to Stolas. He doesn't voice his desires once, but you know they are there.

So, no, before that night, they had no chance of getting better, because they were too deep in their own trauma and world view. I want to make that clear, just in case if someone still wishes it went better.

And that leads us to the Full Moon, where all cards were out

There is plenty of analysis already all over the Internet on every frame of the show, how beautifully it's written, and how masterfully it was performed, when you can see so much in each tail flinch, each face expression, each movement, and each word. I won't go into that, I think I would be rather repeating things said so many times by so many observant fans.

What I want to add, though, is... The fail was unavoidable, but necessary. It was not preventable because of many things, also explained many times... But, shortly, just to carry on the point, you cannot undo years of trauma, self-hatred, and abandoment issues in one night. You cannot revert all of the mess they already created with the whole deal thing.

But you can face the issue. You can stand up to it. You can break the wrong and to try to rebuild to do it right.

And that's what Stolas did. He stood up not only to his fears, but also to Blitzø's, and his desperate attempts to retain status quo.

Stolas challenged both of them.

And a small note: another thing which went wrong is how much of a shock it came out to Blitzø. Stolas was ready to face the challenge, because he couldn't take it anymore, he planned that night for weeks. Blitzø was not ready for that at all, but Stolas pushed him to the point of no return, and Blitzø was forced to adapt to the new reality in seconds.

Their reactions make so much sense. While Stolas was ready, there is a difference between being ready to face it, and being capable of facing it gracefully, and Blitzø... well, he didn't even have a minute to internalize all what's going on, and Stolas being for once extremely clear in intentions didn't help, because trigger already kicked in.

But is it that bad, really?

No, I don't think so. In fact, that fight they had was even good for them.

As tragic as it was, they got something out of it. Now there is no space for doubts about them having feelings for each other. Sure, they might be adamant about other wrong assumptions, that their partner now hates them and they are trash of a hellbeing, or whatever else they heard instead of what's actually been said, but, again, there is no doubt it's fucking serious. They cannot pretend or hide anymore that this is "just a deal".

That exchange opened the space for them to grow. Despite me feeling like I was stabbed after watching the episode, I am... even glad it turned out this way, because now, when all the words are said, all crutches broken, old wounds are opened and actively bleeding, there is a chance for them to heal, and to learn how to walk, not allowing their trauma to shape who they seem to be and inhibit their real selves.

There is now hope for them. You can clearly see them being vulnerable in the last trailer, and being together, on one couch, at least... one can only hope that they will have the capacity of having just one more proper talk.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk, I know I speak too much, and no, I am not okay, but I hope it was at least a bit entertaining for you :d Also, English is not my first language, soooo... cut me some slack with grammar and consistency, please, haha

Happy to carry on the great mission of overanalyzing every bit of information we have about them XD

[alienpossession]

Body a Day 23: Want

After 15 years, I'm finally done with my compulsory service to the Nation. They asked me to serve the bigger cause all these years, practically telling me that I need to do the assigned task to prove that my loyalty to the cause and the nation is unwavered. So when they wanted me to get inside the drug mule, I did that

I even partially served the sentence the person got because the mission involved me gathering intel from inside the prison. Then, I moved on to this renowned pastor that visited the prison sometimes around the sixth year I've been inside the mule as the directive basically told me that I need to learn to communicate to the masses.

I did some substantial damage there as during my mission, the commanding officer stationed close to the pastor practically asked me to infect the masses. As a venomous being, my spit only caused human to become delirious, so I received a package from the Nation that sealed the deal for me. It's the more potent and rare venom that can infect the other being exposed to it, and despite its animalic scent at first, it blended beautifully to the wine I served during Christmas. It's quite a spectacle to see all of the human flailed on the floor having no clue what the fuck happened to them, but after doing it for 3 or 4 years, I'm simply desensitized by it. But right when Christmas is around the corner 3 years ago, I received my final mission

It's been the most challenging one and I'm so fucking lucky I managed to get out from the whole shit alive. I mean....let's be real, there's not many of my kind that ended up inside some kind of druglord mercenaries. And only a handful of us that survived such challenging mission, especially due to the fact that when we're inside something, we quickly become them and it means that I'm no bulletproof whatsoever when I used Gary's body

Eventually, after lots of close call and raids, I can finally do what I really want. The last directive only filled with congratulatory notes on finishing 15 years of service and the choices I have. I can return to my planet because I've proven myself to be loyal and no more persuaded by causes that can harm the Nation or I can stay on Earth and simply choose the body I want to stay for good. Yup, for good, because I still need to be registered to the system but they won't keep a tab on me. Knowing what the government is capable off back there, I know the chance for me to live peacefully with my family is slim, so I decided to wire them my last message and ditch Gary's for another body

I stumbled with him 3 days prior to my last day. The big boss is having some down time in Cancun so I tagged along and that's when I spotted Evan. A fit fella, probably in his early 20s based on his build and clearly living the life I desired with a lovely supportive family with money to blow. Evan gave no resistance whatsoever when I cornered him in the restaurant's restroom, his face filled with fear when I pressed the knife right at his muscular back. Before he even realized it, I already slid inside his shorts and made my way in, forever sealing myself inside this young stud while Gary's body slumped to the floor after 3 years of being used as a puppet with no bodily control whatsoever.

Life is finally good, and I can do whatever I want without anyone telling me orders.

[stargazostli]

Right so solargeist's really fleshed out watcher headcannons/ au got me thinking

and an idea that's been floating in my head for a while now is 'Grian was always a watcher'. Honestly it was probably originally inspired by the "He was only ever meant to watch", obviously it's about Grian being a watcher as of the end of Evo but also "only ever" made me think.

So we know the watchers thrive off of entertainment and bad emotions, and probably also chaos (aka Grian incarnate). So in my headcanon they 'recruit' young players to go onto servers and worlds and inspire chaos or entertainment that would please the watchers to, well, watch. These recruits would be taught skills/ powers like shapeshifting and other typical fanon watcher abilities to help them stay under the radar on the servers they go to.

So what if Grian was one of these recruits and was sent to worlds like yhs and any other worlds he was on before Evo to create entertainment for the watchers. He enjoys the chaos, likes having the friends and storylines he makes on these servers, and definitely likes the powers that come with the job. Soon Grian's one of their best recruits and possibly one of their most powerful, mastering shapeshifting almost immediately.

And Evo is the big one. Grian is properly undercover, pretending to not know who the watchers are and adding more people to the server (Taurtis and Pearl who both joined late) for them to feed off of. It's also Grian's world, which adds a lot of responsibility but also alot of power. The watchers originally just watched and kept an eye on Grian but started meddling when they realised "Hey, the admin isn't going to stop us or look into it, we're his boss!" and when they realised the entertainment that would come with players dealing with god-like beings they don't quite understand.

Grian's all up for this, he of course knows what the watchers are. And while he's a bit miffed whenever they punish him for something (see putting obsidian on his chests and making a clay statue he isn't allowed to mine), He plays along and enjoys being able to do his own thing on a world for the most part.

Then Grian joins Hermitcraft. Maybe the watchers sent him there too, or maybe it was him trying to get away from the responsibilities of his job. Either way, Grian being on two servers at once means the chaos is more spread out and less noticeable, so the watchers recall him, pretending to the other evolutioners that they are making G one of them (end dragon fight on evo). Evo sort of fizzles out and the watchers become bored of it. Most people escape to other worlds or servers, Martyn gets plucked out by the listeners, and the world is forgotten and overgrows again.

Grian continues to make chaos on Hermitcraft. Again, either the watchers telling him to, old habits dying hard, or just because he wants to.

Anyways, from then it's basically what you actually see happens, plus Martyn's lore, and anything that makes more entertainment or chaos is either the watchers or Grian. Grian if it seems harmless just fun and interesting, ans the watchers if it seems a bit more extreme (boogeyman and red bloodlust) or is obviously watcher-y (secret keeper)

I might flesh this out further, but yeah this is basically what I've been thinking about for the past few days

[butterscotchpiesandguys]

Dealing

(Short story for @swappingbryn, check them out they're p cool!)

I was never really one for police, always thinking they're some abusive force. Really just never liked them. But one of my old friends got arrested last night and wanted me to talk to him. Or at least try... I wasn't too keen on that either but he said he would pay me back. So you know what? I did.

I went to the station and saw him, he looked... different from when I saw him last. Buffer, had a beard going for him, short hair... really seemed tougher. And so I asked him the question that got on my mind "And... what did you get put in jail for?" It was a simple question.

"Do I really have to say?" He grumbled.

"Kinser, just tell me already."

He sighed and started to recollect. "Okay but first? I need you to take one of these." He smiled as he pushed a pill through the small slot in the booth. It was labeled KR-0034.

I looked at him nervously before sighing and putting it in my mouth... god... tasted like ass... like sweat or something. I felt somewhat sick and looked at him, he was happy. "Okay, dude. Good. You're gonna be a big help out there."

"What do you -Urgh!" I felt my chest tingle before feeling like I got shot... my muscles were tightening, expanding, growing! My arms went from scrawny to giant! Just like... his? My face... my jaw started to get sore, some drool going down before my stubble grew as my chin grew some definition.

My hair shrunk to a buzz kind of style. I was a giant... but in the reflection of the glass I saw Kinser's face. "What did you..."

"Aight, so I'm gonna need to tell you this quick so the guards don't hear." He snapped drawing my attention. "Yeah I just gave you a cloner tablet. Made with my spit. You now look just like me. You know that job I got? The construction yard? Well I got promoted. I was given enhancements by my boss. That's how I'm as perfect as ya see me." What the fuck was he talking about? "And now... I'm recruitin you for the time being. You are gonna deal in my place until I get out."

Deal? As in... "Like what I was sellin. I snuck my phone in here... so I'll text the boss that you'll be comin later... Kaleb. We're gonna be cool about this right?" He waited. "Right, Kaleb?" I nodded... I felt a buzz... it was a location. "Blue maple is where they're meetin tonight. Don't be late for your first day."

4 MONTHS LATER

By now I was intertwined with the gang that I was forced into joining. They know me as Kaleb Pennimen. Another dumb dealer for them. The bosses like me, and Kinser? Well he's still in jail but we talk more than I ever had before. He's acting dumb now too... says it's part of the pill or whatever. I used to try and understand these things but now? I just sell em. Way easier that way. Thinkin isn't really for us now... So what are ya gonna do? You buyin or what? I don't have all night.

[earlgreytea68]

okay, so I finally finished the Barbra Streisand memoir. I learned a lot and I developed a great deal of respect for her because she is clearly an extremely talented person, but also...it was a slog to get through. It was really interesting to me the picture I got of her talent and influence and how hard she works but also how much she...isn't someone I actually wanted to spend time with? lol

BEWARE, LOTS OF VENTING ABOUT THIS BOOK BELOW, DON'T READ IF YOU IDOLIZE HER

It was also extra-interesting because I don't usually read memoirs, and this year I read three, and I think I assumed that all memoirs would be so sanitized as to not really give me much of a picture of the people behind them, like, Idk, I assumed they'd all be so slanted toward the person whose memoir it was that it wouldn't be like I could actually come to any conclusion about the person from the memoir. So, for instance, when I finished reading "Spare," I was like, okay, sure, Charles and William seem like awful people, but how much can I trust Harry's account of things? But then I finished reading the Barbra Streisand memoir and it made me like Harry even more lol, I was like, no, he is clearly a very sympathetic person, because not everyone tells their story in a way that makes you always on their side.

I should be clear, like, it's not like Barbra Streisand comes across as a monster or anything like that. As I said, it's very clear she's very talented and has worked very hard and had to deal with a lot of sexism throughout her career. But it's also clear that she's a very particular type of person who thinks that everyone else should spend all of their time working, and if they have a life outside of work, that person is immediately suspect and she never wants to work with them ever again. She tells story after story where she's like, "I sent him the script on Friday afternoon. He said he was just walking out the door for a weekend away, but he would get back to me on Sunday or Monday when he got back. Disappointing." Yup, that director was fired shortly thereafter. She's making a record and she asks this guy to be her producer, and she keeps them all in the studio basically night and day, and at one point she sees him looking at his watch, clearly impatient to, you know, go home to his family, and she's like, "Welp, I'll never work with that guy again." She's directing a movie and she wants everyone to stay late to film something and the crew is like, "No. We're not staying late. We're going home," and she's so betrayed by this. She says they all would have stayed if she'd been a male director. She might indeed be right about that. But that doesn't mean that her attitude that everyone around her needs to work around the clock is justified, just because guys treat their employees that way, too. She doesn't tell these stories because she thinks she comes across as a jerk, and that to me was what was so telling about them. Maybe because I've worked for bosses who truly do take offense when you want to have a life outside of work, and I decided those people just weren't for me. It's cool if that's how you want to live your life, but this is probably why I just had this sort of visceral reaction against her. But it was interesting to me that I had that reaction at all! Like, it's her life story and she could make herself look as awesome as possible, you know?

Also, the picture of someone who hit it big when she was like 20 and has been fawned over ever since was just so tiring. It's a thousand pages of this. EVERY SINGLE STORY SHE TELLS IS JUST EXHAUSTING.

She acts the part of Juliet for Lee Strasberg, the guy who invented method acting. He tells her she's the best Juliet he's ever seen.

She directs Yentl and shows it to Steven Spielberg. He tells her that he wishes he could offer her some advice but he can't because it's the perfect movie and he has zero notes. She's the best director ever.

She's researching mental illness and goes to see mentally ill patients. Worried about how she should interact with them, she asks the doctor, "Am I doing this right?" The doctor says most people get it wrong, but she has gotten it right. She's even the best at interacting with mentally ill people. She's a natural at everything!

Like, literally, every single story is like this. By the time she was designing dresses better than Donna Karan and then taking credit for Bill Clinton's reelection strategy, I was just like, I can't anymore lolololol. Then she has this rant at one point about how people can't handle truth but she thinks telling the truth is always the best option and I wanted to be like, ....she thinks this because she thinks the "truth" is always that she is literally the best person who has ever tried to do everything ever. I mean, maybe she is! But the fact that she doesn't realize that it's not like this for the rest of us is just exhausting.

My most illustrative story of this: She tells this story about how she was away traveling and she hired some gardeners to put chrysanthemums out on her NYC penthouse terrace while she was away. She requested pink and white chrysanthemums. When she got back, they had planted rust and yellow chrysanthemums. She is HORRIFIED. She calls up the gardener in outrage and the gardener is like, "They didn't have pink and white, so we just put in rust and yellow." She says they should have asked for permission before making that substitution.

Okay, so far, I guess so normal-ish story, like, still seems like a little bit of an overreaction but she's probably right that they should have checked on the color change, Idk, I don't have gardeners planting mums for me, so I've never thought about how I would react to that lololol. BUT THEN. THE STORY GOES ON. She is so, so offended by these mums that SHE CANNOT BEAR TO EVEN LOOK AT THEM. She draws all the curtains in her penthouse and sits basically in gloom and darkness, sulking about these mums. Then one of her friends comes over and doesn't know she's having this fit about the mums and is like, "It's a beautiful day! Why do you have all the curtains drawn!" and starts opening the curtains and......THE MUMS ON THE TERRACE ARE NOW PINK AND WHITE.

Now. You know what the explanation for this is? Probably the gardener she yelled at came back and replaced the mums for her because she was freaking out so much. But you know what Barbra's explanation for this is?

When you want something so badly, the universe finds a way of giving it to you.

............

Sorry, I find that so unbearably obnoxious, this idea she has that either (a) the rest of us just don't want wealth and success and adulation and talent as much as she did; or (b) the universe loves her so specially much that it changes the colors of flowers for her???????? I cannot believe she thought this was a story that she needed to include in her memoir, because I found it so uniquely horrifying a story. And it also made me think differently about her relationship with her mother. She doesn't like her mother. I'm not being cruel here, she literally says it right in the book: she doesn't like her mother. She tries to paint this picture of her mother as being jealous and resentful of Barbra. And maybe she is. There are certainly bits in the story where she seems to be. But there are other bits where she's not. Barbra focuses in on a concert that the mother missed, and it does seem super-rude and insulting and offensive and I was horrified. But then later on, her mother is at another concert and she just gives it this passing mention, like, no big deal, so...it's not that her mother never went to concerts? Or something? And then she admits that her mother kept a scrapbook of Barbra's entire career from the very beginning, and I think maybe we're meant to see that she did that so could seethe over it and hope to throw bad reviews back in Barbra's face or something, but it just seems also like maybe her mom was proud of her? And the reason I think that I get that they had a fraught relationship is because Barbra keeps making snide little comments, like, "It's not my fault that my mom didn't work harder to be famous herself." Like it's just that easy. Like you just snap your fingers and you become famous. It was that easy for Barbra, and so she assumes that the rest of us just don't want it enough. One of the stories she tells about her mother throwing a tantrum is after she gives her a book about 1940s movie stars that she inscribes, "This could have been you, Mom!" And in the memoir Barbra is like, "I truly believed that my mother could have been a movie start if she'd just tried for it. She was so beautiful and talented." .......THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS. And I kind of totally get why her mother was offended by Barbra just kind of endlessly judging her as lazy for not going out and getting herself a more fabulous life Idk.

Anyway. It was just interesting to me that the more I read the story of this life, the more I could see the seams of it, so to speak? Like, in revealing what she thought she was revealing, she was revealing so much more to me, if that makes sense? Like, she said that people are constantly demeaning her as "controlling," when she's just trying to make the best product she can, and I get that, but also every story she relates she's like, "I told the lighting guy how to do his job and then he got offended." And I'm just like, Well, you're running around constantly telling people how to do their jobs. When those jobs are not your job and arguably they are the experts. But she doesn't seem to treat anyone with basic deference, because she's so used to knowing better than everyone else. She never phrases it as, I asked the lighting guy to light me this way, which was telling in and of itself. She always tells them. There's one point where she describes making two accomplished screenwriters live in her guesthouse for a week and work night and day on this screenplay, and she just casually is like, "I told them which scenes each one of them should write, and sometimes I told them to write the same scene and I'd pick the best one," and I was just, like, horrified at the idea of these two accomplished people being forced to work around the clock as this woman literally pits them against each other? She framed this as an exciting collaborative project but the words she used to explain what her role in the collaboration were made it clear that no, she was the boss in the position of power ordering them around. Maybe, in a way, she just never has grasped how much power she had over other people, because of imposter syndrome or something, Idk.

This is all to say: It made me rethink how I was reacting toward Spare. Which wasn't to say I thought Prince Harry was lying, just that I thought maybe his version of the truth was skewed toward justifying his own behavior. But after reading the Barbra Streisand memoir, I've realized that, actually, that might be harder to do and maintain over hundreds of pages than I realized. I finished Spare liking Prince Harry more than I did when I started it, and now I like him even more lol

(I haven't talked much about the Britney Spears memoir, largely because I have concluded that that memoir is just such an acute picture of a traumatized soul who hasn't even begun to heal. I wish her well. Harry is also a traumatized soul but he's had literal decades of working on healing so his memoir hits different that way, while still being so clearly about his trauma, all the same)