#bi-erasure

[bringthesauerkraut]

why you so obsessed with a man if you gay

people are fucking freaks

Ooh first random anon hate. This really is gonna be a fun four years lol.

So literally hundreds of posts on a very small blog about a very particular man & you catch the ONE unrelated post in which I mention I had a wife. Look… I'm very flattered but sadly to say I am currently taken. Also you would be in a queue If I ever encounter an alternate timeline in which either Jon Stewart or Weird Al became available.

If you'll indulge me, let me ask a question back. Why is this important to you? Are you confused? Are you just trolling? Because if this is the best you've got let me tell you that I once did two weeks of a touring production of Riverdance with 3 fractured bones in my ankle. This ain't gonna hurt me.

But if you're genuinely confused as to why I, someone who had a long term same sex relationship would say their biggest crush is a man (well, a version of the man anyway since I do not know him in any personal capacity) my answer is 'because he is'. There's no sinister plot here or a long drawn out complicated reason. For people who need a label I identify as Pansexual but honestly I'm only attracted to people who make me laugh. & simply put, he's always made me laugh & I think he's hot as hell.

This ask feels a little on the Bi-erasure scale. 'People can be attracted to who they want BUT they cannot have a preference OR once they are in a relationship they must stop being attracted to the opposing gender of their partner' People be attracted to people. That's it.

You clearly spend much time trawling through stuff to find small mentions with the intent to start a dialogue for good or ill. Why? People only tend to get fixated on things that matter to them whether they are aware of it or not.

So if you would, before you next participate in this time honoured tradition of hounding someone about their own personal life choices but next time you get someone who is actually going to be upset by your actions, please can you explain to me in great detail why you enjoy this. I want to know what specific satisfaction you get out of this. I want to know the exact moment it makes you smile & you feel yes, I have done something I enjoy today. I want you to describe the feeling of warmth spreading through you knowing that you intentionally (hopefully) ruined someone's day & that person now thinks of you as a lesser person & an archetype of the people others are always warning them to avoid? But be quick, I think your mum is calling you for dinner.

[chaosroid]

The BG3 party members being bi disasters: a series

If I see anyone call the companions "playersexual" one more time, I'm shooting them in the kneecaps.

[zeroar]

(Posting from mobile so not sure if this will be formatted as I wish...)

Three things to add to this video. Biphobia/bi-erasure, an answer to the question asked, and ableism.

One: "non-practicing bisexual" is probably supposed to mean a bisexual person who appears to be in a heterosexual relationship. But the words make it sound like the times in-between orgies (you need at least two other people of different genders to be a "practicing bisexual", right?). Regardless, bisexual people are bisexual. Calling them non-practicing is absurd especially when they are literally in a relationship with someone. If they were overly chaste or something, maybe it would make sense for that. When we are in a relationship with people who appear to be the same gender, we're called gay and when we are in a relationship with people who appear to be a different gender we are called straight, but both are "practicing" our sexuality.

Two, and it's a two-part answer: autigender is the idea that the gender of an autistic person is colored by being autistic. It can mean different things for different people but generally we present our gender as we see ourselves or we don't particularly feel attached to our gender as an aspect of ourselves. This is strongly related to why we are more likely to be queer and trans than other neurotypes. This means that being with a cis, male, autistic person can be drastically different from being with a cis, male, allistic person (and similarly for cis, female persons). At the very least, autistic men should be less likely to suffer from machismo and overtly posture like allistic men do. (On the other hand, we are more likely to be narcissists so even if autistic persons aren't as likely to be overtly posturing about how big or tight their genitals are and all that entails, we may still be vainglorious in other ways).

The second part of the answer as to why the meme seems relatable is recalling again that we are more likely to be queer than allistic persons. Further, cis, female autistic persons are more likely to be undiagnosed. So it's very likely for a bisexual person to fall for an autistic person of a different gender because it's more likely that bisexual persons are autistic and we get along better with the same neurotype. (Scientifically, the defining characteristic of autism is traditionally our social difficulties, but these are not only less of a problem when people of the same neurotype are interacting, autistic people have less miscommunication between ourselves than allistic folks do between themselves).

Third: there are a couple subversive ableist things mentioned in the video. I imagine they are not deliberate which is one reason why I am talking about them, to inform others to be on the lookout and try to be better.

"touch of the 'tism" is extremely ableist in maybe not so obvious ways. In the video, it seems to be a way to say "autism, but not the bad kind". In other words, it's the latest iteration of "Asperger's" or "high-functioning" or whatever other nightmare we've come up with to say the same thing.

You cannot separate autism from the autistic person. We're more likely to be introspective and think deeply, more likely to be repeatedly reminded of the every day lies and betrayals allistic folk not only don't mind but don't even notice. We're more likely to have extra sensory needs and a host of concomitant conditions.

The desire for an autistic person without extra needs is understandable in that if you can find a partner (no matter their neurotype) without extra needs then... they... need less.

Didn't intend that to be a tautology, but I wanted to explicitly state that on its face, it makes sense. That is, everything else being equal, your partner having more desirable qualities and less undesirable qualities makes sense? However, being able to pick and choose partners like they're models of a phone seems pretty removed from reality to me and is one of those thought experiments that doesn't survive reality, but the commodification of love is not one I've ever particularly understood. People listing down qualities like "they have to be brunette with big boobs and a thick dick" makes me question how other folks ever enter into any meaningful relationship or if other people even experience love as it is written about in stories and how I perceive myself experiencing it.

But this is reality, and when it comes down to listing out what you look for in a partner, "being autistic but having no drawbacks from being autistic" is not just unsettling, it's fetishization. (The things I described above are fetishization as well by the way—or is fetishism the more appropriate word?— it's not limited to things like race and neurotype)

I've forgotten the exact words of the video, but "men with just a touch of the 'tism are so nice!" sounds a lot like, "Autistic people are so good at math" and "bisexual people are so sexual" and all these other "positive" 'isms.

I'm an autistic person who is considered good at math, but loads of us are rubbish at it. Conversely, I'm a bisexual person but I am also on the asexual spectrum so if you're unicorn hunting I'm probably not what you're looking for.

The classic quote in the Autism community goes something like, "high-functioning means your needs get ignored, low-functioning means your abilities do."

I'm not saying you cannot prefer autistic people over allistic people. We tend to have a lot of positive qualities. But talking about us like our autism makes us more attractive while casually excluding any autistic person who would be too undesirable by somehow ranking how much autism we have is weird and pretty similar to what that nazi Asperger did, sending the undesirable autistics to be killed in gas chambers while saying the desirable ones have qualities that can benefit the nation.

To be clear what I'm saying, autistic people who appear to be only "slightly autistic" (whatever that means) can usually maintain a public front or façade and, if they're diagnosed and actively working on masking, might have a lot of accommodations and practices that helps them maintain that façade for their own safety. The closer you become to an autistic person, the safer they might feel around you to the point they relax some of those guards and appear more obviously autistic. That's a good thing! It takes so much energy to mask that it regularly drives persons from marginalized groups into burnout.

Closing notes...

Just a reminder: the video person is symptomatic of our society and is probably not aware how deeply unsettling fetishizing autism is. Additionally, autistic people are more likely to be queer than allistic people, so there's a reasonable chance the person is autistic themselves, especially if they find themselves more attracted to autistic persons than allistic persons. Please don't attack the person for their unknowing ableism. TikTok doesn't have the character limit to help me talk to them and the video seems to be pretty large in views so it seems extremely unlikely positive change could come by addressing them directly from a random internet person.

I obviously can't control how you react to another person and I'm not asking you to be inauthentic. I am only asking that you consider intent and harm caused. I'm using the video as a presentation slide to talk about a societal problem, not as an effigy or piñata, and definitely not as a scapegoat. If you found that video via my post, then please don't attack another person in retaliation because of it.

Also, I know some autistic people defend "touch of the 'tism" and use it themselves. You can probably guess, yes, I consider this internalized ableism along the same lines as Aspie-supremacy and clinging to being "high-functioning". Being autistic is not inherently a bad thing. The issue more often than not is how society views and interacts with us.

[hurtspideyparker]

tony stark who is openly bisexual but nobody realizes because they think that's just his Personality™

*talks about how hot certain men are* he's so honest

*flirts with men constantly* oh how charming and friendly

*holding hands and cuddling with his boyfriends* what an affectionate guy

*gets photographed kissing/feeling men up at parties* Stark really likes to party hard

*blatantly comments about having sex with men* haha what a jokester

*talks about his broad taste, experience, and openness* such a playboy and womanizer

*goes to queer clubs and events* he's a great ally and networker

and this has been going on since his MIT days.

[ebony-hawthorne]

i appreciate this so much because bi-erasure feels so prominent these days, and i am so glad that nick feels comfortable and confident enough with his identity to not bend over and be like "yea i'm gay" and acknowledge he still likes girls, but is still in a healthy relationship with charlie. and seeing him have bi awakenings throughout the comics brings me more joy then it should, but realistically most people don't get that all in one swoop, but realize these things throughout their lives.

if you read this, thank you for listening to my ted talk.

Nick saying “I’m bi actually” and very politely reminding people that he may be in a same-sex relationship but his identity is still valid

[sukibenders]

*taps sign* Both Glinda AND Fiyero are important to Elphaba and her journey, you don't necessarily have to ship either of them with her or even like either of them, but to purposely try and remove them (or even just one, I see some of yall do it especially in shipping wars) from Elphaba's life completely misses so many points of Wicked and also take away from Elphaba as a character.

[papenathys]

People need Jennifer's Body (2009) and Love Lies Bleeding (2024) to be lesbian films even if they are two of the queerest, messiest and most openly bisexual films of our times, simply because there is a certain subset of queer folks who see bisexuality as inherently less queer and more falling into the paradigm of heterosexual titillation for the male gaze. It is pretty much the same theory that governs the criticism of media like The Secret History (1992), Saltburn (2023) or Hannibal NBC (2013-2015) for queerbaiting or for "being cowards" about the depiction of same sex love stories between two men who are clearly bisexual or attracted to multiple genders in canon.

The onus of the blame for heteronormativity in contemporary publishing and media often falls upon bisexual women. I'm thinking of that God awful YouTube video by that Lavender Menace person who started speaking of how sapphic literature these days is so normative (I personally agree) before veering way™ off course to spew vitriol about how this was because every popular sapphic book nowadays is bisexual and not performing the acceptable model of lesbianism or sapphic desire.

When films like Bound get talked about in terms of being a lesbian classic, nobody mentions the fact that Corky, the butch from the film demonstrates biphobic (and by extension lesbiphobic) feelings towards Violet, the femme, and considers her to be "lying" for the male gaze and performing queerness. The film ends positively, with Corky overcoming her biases and acknowledging that Violet is just as queer as she is. It's irrelevant if Violet is bisexual or a closeted lesbian (I lean towards the latter with reference to her character), what's relevant is the policing of certain kinds of identities as being "less" queer and the refusal to accept or show empathy towards bisexual women, as we are considered beings incapable of authentic self presentation or autonomous desire. Instead, we are all just a gaslit hivemind of people operating under comp het.

Bisexual women cannot have peace when it comes to representation; people took that one sentence about Poison Ivy wildly out of context, retconned decades of her representation as a bisexual icon in popular culture in love with another bisexual woman and then gaslit bisexual folks for being "annoying" about it on social media. When Love Lies Bleeding released, on Twitter, bisexual women were told to stfu because this is a film about "REAL butch4butch dykes" (and then you see the film made by a bisexual director and the muscle mommy you love to gatekeep is a) not a butch and b) an open and proud bisexual).

Villanelle, who was openly bisexual in the Killing Eve books, was retconned by fandom into a man hating lesbian and that apparently made her more authentically queer than Eve, who remained bisexual in both TV and source material. Of course, it is easier to see the more "visibly queer" Villanelle as a lesbian, while Eve, whose relationships centre men more, and who has to have her eyes opened by the sexy assassin hunting her down, can be bisexual.

I find this a really weird pattern. The whole subgenre of "bisexual woman having a reckoning and leaving her husband for a lesbian" is corny at best and poorly equates bisexuality with heteronormativity at worst, especially because the same formula is almost never applied to show a bi woman leaving her husband for another bi woman, or a lesbian leaving behind a comp het marriage or having a mid-life awakening in popular sapphic tradpub literature; the closest to this I can find is the novel Cash Delgado is Living the Dream (2024) by Taylor Kay Mejia.

It's silly, and vapid and frankly very condescending to assume that every bisexual women in popular media is actually a lesbian facing comphet. You need to unshackle your points from separatist biphobic rhetoric on social media, even if it is dressed in shallow feminist terminology. It's literally okay to let a film or book be bisexual, and I can promise you it doesn't make the narrative less queer or feminist or subversive.

I know some nasty people will be rbing this post and talking about how bisexuals are the privileged white people of the lgbtq community etc etc, and honestly I don't know how to articulate about this issue without coming off bitter, so here is an essay by Carmen Maria Machado, whose writing on bisexuality, queerness in horror/dark fiction and on sapphic literature & culture in general I highly recommend:

NON BISEXUALS DON'T DERAIL 💗💜💙

[fixing-bad-posts]

My favourite is bi trans lesbians !!!!! We support!!!!

[drchucktingle]

all time funniest review. someone please check on the scoundrels they are very riled over our joy

the audiobook for NOT POUNDED BY BI ERASURE BECAUSE MY CURRENT HETERO-PRESENTING RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT INVALIDATE MY QUEERNESS is available here

[picturesofspideyman]

Yeah so I’ve been playing Reload and Persona 3 might just be the gayest one actually

[lgbtqtext]

[travellingwiththedead]

Canon ace characters 🤝 canon bi characters

Getting erased and if we complain about it we're the ones having "headcanons" and stirring trouble because theirs is clearly the superior interpretation -.-

[logansgaar]

"Bucky Barnes isn't gay, he's bisexual/straight" okay, you're welcome to your headcanons, but coming from a bisexual here, he's based heavily on Arnie Roth like it's uncanny, their backstories are identical. For whatever reason Marvel fused three characters into one (equal parts comic Bucky and Arnie, with a tiny slither of Hunter aka White Wolf), and literally every argument about Bucky Barnes being interested in women so he can't possibly be gay can relate right back to both movie canon and the comics his backstory is based on.

Bucky circulated through a lot of dates and girls, but never has any significant relationships or deeper feelings for them depicted, unlike pretty much every single other man in Marvel. They also completely glazed over comic book Bucky Barnes' most notable relationship with Natasha (I know there's talk of it being with Yelena instead, which is even worse if they do because she's aroace, there's so little representation for aroace people) which is very interesting to me. Bucky's relationship with women mirrors Arnie Roth's exactly. Not to mention how lack lustre Bucky acts with the old playboy act now, as if he's stepped back into that role because he doesn't know how else to behave so falls back on what he knew from before but really isn't feeling it.

I'm not stupid, I know Marvel is never going to go there because of politics with less LGBT+ friendly areas of the world, but I do hope they at least keep Bucky single and ambiguous. It would also be incredible if Bucky were to at some point use the name Arnie Roth as an alias and nod to the character who combined with Bucky and Hunter. Or even Bucky meeting a teacher called Michael, even if it's left open ended.

Arnie Roth was the first ever openly gay character in any mainstream superhero comic, that's not nothing. That's so tremendously significant, along with the fact he was Jewish too (which fits with the movies too, since Jewish soldiers were eventually given the option to have P for Protestant stamped on their dog tags instead of H for Hebrew/Jewish for their own protection) and I respect people's headcanons but there's something so important about Arnie Roth being respected... Even though I'm bisexual myself, to ME Bucky Barnes is gay.

(also Sebastian Stan has gone on record to say that he's chill with any interpretation and likes that Bucky's dynamics with other men are appreciated. He's also played gay and bisexual men in the past, so he's very comfortable with the idea himself even if Marvel would never go there and would probably snipe him if he pulled an Andrew Garfield.)

[delulluart]

Bi King Copia! Because that man is not straight (or gay) and I will (politely) fight people saying otherwise

find the full version here 🌶

All Ghinktober 2024 drawings

[deancrowleycas]

I know it's all funny little polls and not that serious and the beauty of fandom is to imagine your favorite character having or not having a sexuality etc but seeing the tags under that pussy poll being like 'he can't eat pussy he sucks dick': A man doesn't have to be gay to suck dick ya know. A man can do both and it's called 🌟 bisexuality 🌟

[katarzyna-]

^ on tiktok too, people were talking about John Taylor's hair. I was like "THAT'S what you want to focus on? Really"

Bi erasure is thriving in this oh so open minded fandom...

HOW HAVE I NOT SEEN A SINGLE ONE OF YOU TALKING ABOUT BISEXUAL MICHAEL SHEEN