#better business spells

[aspelladay]

Writer’s Better Business Spell

Writers have to eat, too. Wen Ti, Chinese Lord of Literature, is honored by those who earn, would like to earn, or are attempting to earn a living as writers. Wen Ti is usually depicted holding a pen and book displaying four characters that read, “Heaven decides literary success.” Perhaps reflecting the instabilities of the career, unlike many spirits who have one annual sacred day, Wen Ti is honored at various points throughout the year, traditionally during both equinoxes as well as the third and eighth months of the Chinese lunar calendar:

Erect an altar honoring Wen Ti.

Burn letters of appeal alongside healthy bribes of Spirit Money.

(from The Element Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells by Judika Illes)

[yumedoca]

So yeah, 'Ranma 0.5' or something like that..

[gothamite-rambler]

"You have given me no reason to fear you," Stephanie said to her kidnappers calmly.

Stephanie Brown sat tied to a chair in a trio of kidnappers apartment. She was slightly afraid, but mostly aggravated she took Tim's advice on just being kidnapped and not fighting back when in civilian clothing. She could take these kidnappers down herself, but according to Tim it's better to be snatched. The kidnappers start up a recording on the leader's phone and he creeped closee to Stephanie. (I love the clip this was inspired by).

Kidnapper (Warren): All right, read this!

Warren held up a note book with a script for Stephanie to read.

Stephanie (squinting her eyes): Ma- Wow that handwriting.

Stephanie struggled to read what she could only describe as chicken scratch.

Stephanie: Ma, I have been abduct, I am fine-

Warren: Abducted.

Stephanie (dryly): It says abduct.

Warren: Just say abducted.

Stephanie (rolling her eyes): Ma, I have been 'abducted'. I am fine right now, but I may not be for loring.

She paused chuckling.

Stephanie (chuckling while continuing to read): I'm sorry, let's keep going-- If you do not pay the 'sun' of one million 'doolars'-

Warren (reading over the note): Wait a minute, wait a minute. Loring? The 'sun' of one million 'doolars'? What the-

Stephanie (mockingly): That's what it saaays.

Warren (pissed off): That's 'long' and the 'sum' of one million 'dollars'. You know what it means.

Stephanie (indignant): I don't know what it means. You told me to read this. That's what I'm doing.

Warren aimed the gun at her, but Stephanie crossed her legs not caring anymore due to the men's obvious ineptitude.

Warren: Just say what it means, okay?

He turned the notebook back to face her.

Stephanie (annoyed): I may not be for long if you do not pay the sum of one million dollars, you will never see me alive again these men mean 'businesses'.

Stephanie snort laughed.

Stephanie (jokingly): I'm so glad you got your child to write this. Where is the little tyke?

Warren shook with anger, reading the note again. He glared at the other kidnapper.

Warren: Kevin!

Joey (glacing at Kevin): I think he's pissed at the note.

Kevin toom a step back from Warren, holding his head down.

Stephanie (snide): It says 'businesses' that's what it says, you told me to read the note you never said to improv it.

Warren (lowering his gun and glaring at the sneering girl): Oh, improv! What are you Meryl -Fuckin- Streep? Okay, improv the note!

Stephanie (recrossing her leg and clearing her throat): Aye, Ma, these sexually frustrated degenerate losers mean (softer tone) business.

Warren (stammering and pissed off again): Don't- Don't- Don't improv it. Don't get smart.

Stephanie (with attitude): I'm sorry me passing english class in freaking home school ruined the flow of your crappily written note!

Warren: Fuckin- Joey give me a fuckin' pen!

Warren walked away, smacking Kevin on the back of his head. Joey passed him a pen. Stephanie kept her legs cross while whistling.

Warren (angrily whispering): Oh I was homeschooled, look at me. Fuckin' brat.

Stephanie: It's not whispering if I can hear you.

Warren went back over to Stephanie and showed her the new ransom note.

Warren (demanding): Read it.

Stephanie: Ma been kidnapped, send one million or I'm... Dead.

Warren presses the stop button for recording on his phone.

Warren (smirking): Perfect.

Stephanie (fake sweet voice): Good for you, your chicken scratch writing was so much easier to read. You write like a monkey with a typewriter but good for you.

Warren (shaking with anger): You're lucky we need this money.

Stephanie: Question, are you as bad in bed as you are at kidnapping?

Warren clenched his fists deciding it was better to walk away over unleashing his anger on the young woman. Stephanie kept her legs crossed knowing the kidnappers were about to deal with a born again catholic woman and one of her many batfam saving her.

--------------------------------------------------------

Crystal listened to the audio that was sent to her from an unknown number enraged but also perplexed by one thing.

Crystal: The bleedin' nimrods din't have enough sense to edit this down? My lass sure knows how to give a tongue lashin' though. I'm proud of her. Well, time to call the rat bastard.

Crystal pulled out her phone and dialed Bruce Wayne's number. Without letting the man speak she interjected.

Crystal: Aye, me daughter got kidnapped and they're demandin' ransom. I work on a nurses salary, you're the Batman-

Bruce: Could you not fucking say that out loud. You're lucky I don't have you on speaker.

Crystal: And you're fecking lucky I'm not next to you with my slipper, who ya fecking think you're talkin' to!

Bruce (remembering who he's talking to): I'm-

Crystal: Nuh-uh, I'm talkin'! Either send them the money or send one of your many kids to save her. Oh and I am meetin' with ya later to discuss my daughter's pay. Yeah, we're bumpin' that up af'er this.

Bruce: I have no say in this at all, do I?

Crystal: Aye, I'll meet you at your manor in twenty minutes and we can get ready to save the child I trust you to protect but ya pissed me off.

Bruce: Okay.

Crystal: Okay, what?

Bruce (sighing): Okay... Crystal.

Crystal: Good boy.

With that she ended the call, grabbed her purse and keys, then left her apartment to save her daughter and give Bruce an earful.

[retrocgads]

UK 1987

[synthshenanigans]

there’s one on here currently and they’re bringing back up old controversy (jashshipping)

Yeaa I saw that. They also seem to post a bunch of CJ related things, so I might make the daily photos one since there isn't one for just CJ screenshots/photos

[reitziluz]

fic update: no way am i getting the chapter out tomorrow. current ambitious goal is on the 4th. but i'm just going to post it when it's done, because i reckon if it's been over a month since the last one, i don't need to pace myself further by sticking to the assigned posting day, right?

related. i've been murdered by migraines lately. had to take a second triptan today. indescribable experience each time. all Bad and Pain has been replaced with Wonky and Jank. remains to be seen if i'll be able to write tonight...

[tastytofusoup]

People talk about an easier difficulty setting for Elden Ring, and like, they're not wrong, choices in game settings so you can play the way you want to are always good.

However, an easy mode does already exist, and it is called playing as a mage, with the Moonveil Katana.

[rosemary-bells]

nangong xu: *lore drop* goodb

meatbun: AND HERE COMES HUA BINAN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR

[loregoddess]

Let’s go with Narve for the ask meme

How I feel about this character He's cool! I definitely didn't use him to his full potential in my runs, although I'd like to try and figure out how to use him in battle for whenever I replay TriStrat. But narratively I think Narve's arc offers an interesting insight into the worldbuilding, helping to show Hyzante's current culture and approach to information (both acquisition and suppression) long before the player even gets to say, the end of Roland's route where Exharme reveals that if Svarog had not burnt the Archives himself, then Exharme would have destroyed them on orders from Idore. Like, even before that, we know from the beginning of Narve's character story that suppressing information that doesn't help Hyzante/Idore maintain power is just a Thing that happens regularly.

But his character story also gives us insight into the counter of this as well, in that despite Idore's best attempts to expunge Grandante from history, the people who Grandante helped after being exiled still remember him, and in this way his legacy still lives on (and of course, Narve himself is carrying out this legacy, and sharing the story of his grandfather, and making it even harder for Hyzante to fully stamp out the memory of Grandante; not unlike how Frederica continues to fight against Hyzante in the epilogue of Roland's ending).

So like, while Narve isn't my top favorite or anything, I still think he plays a super interesting role in how the narrative fabric gets woven, since he embodies some of the fundamental themes of the overall narrative--that there are powers that would seek to suppress information if it benefited them, and that it's impossible, or at least very difficult, to truly erase information so long as there are people willing to remember and share it.

All the people I ship romantically with this character No one at the moment, although if pressed, I might try to make an argument for Narve x Jens since they seem to be close in age, and mage x craftsman is an underappreciate ship dynamic.

My non-romantic OTP for this character I do like Narve's friendship with Geela like, of all the permanent roster characters who can show up in other character stories, I wasn't expecting Geela per se (esp. since Anna's usually the one who gets to hang out with the younger kids), but it's nice to see how supportive Geela is of Narve's pursuits (although considering that she plans on opening her own school after the war, maybe her taking to Narve isn't so surprising, since one of his encampment dialogues suggest he's going to open up a magic school as well).

My unpopular opinion about this character Underrated character by everyone, including myself before I sat down to start drafting this ask. I have to say, he's a pretty interesting character in his own right.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. As usual, more character interactions. Would Narve and Corentin have become friends over their shared love of magic? Actually, it would have been interesting to see a conversation between Narve and Ezana over the similarities and differences between their approaches to magic too. Narve's character stories focus a lot on his healing magic, so it'd be interesting to see him discuss healing magic with Cordelia. It would have also been interesting to see Narve interact with characters outside of the field of magic too like, would Narve and Medina bond over frustrations with Hyzante? And of course, now I'm wondering how character interactions between Narve and Jens would work like, they both share of love of knowledge and desire to become the best in their field (to similar but different ends), and Jens is The Army Blacksmith, so he should at least have some interactions with every other playable character anyhow...

So many possibilities, at the rate I'm going I should just draw up a chart of all the support/rapport-style bond conversations I wish had existed in TriStrat as a dual game/narrative mechanic.

[broke-on-books]

Non poetry fans/poets are crazy to me. Like wym you're writing down everything in prose? Like ALL THE TIME bro??? That's so many words......

[villain-in-love]

💭, 🩹 and 🤒 for Portia? (@canarycurse)

Hey, An! Thank you for asking about my beloved wife!

To be honest, I really struggled with the first question. What difference would there be between the way someone thinks about you when you're not around or when you're with them? In the end I came up with possibly alternative answer that is close to the theme.

Thoughts 💭 – What do you think your f/o thinks about you when you're not around?

Probably "I sure hope she's not doing anything illegal right now."

But actually, Portia doesn't think that much about Katerina while they are separated. Not because she doesn't miss her company, but mostly because Portia is always super busy, either with her work at the Palace or personal projects/hobbies.

However... Portia has many questions that she isn't sure how to ask, and if it's even possible to get the answers to them, so she keeps mulling them over in her head. If there’s a quality that both Portia and Katerina share, it’s their desire to know things. And Portia wishes she could learn more about Katerina, because this magician still remains a mystery. Even for Portia, who is her closest friend and a lover. To be honest, she's frustrated by the fact that Katerina has amnesia (or at least what they think is an amnesia), in a sense that it prevents Portia from getting information about Katerina’s past and all the events that made her the way she is now.

Lately, Portia has been secretly conducting her own investigation, searching through Palace archives, asking her fellow servants that could still remember Katerina from her past as a court magician... She even went down to the Red Market in search of information, knowing that Katerina must have been involved with it in her past. There's also some information Portia got from questioning Asra and Lucio, but it also wasn't much as Katerina mostly kept her business secret even from them.

Well, it seems like some of Portia's questions might get answered when Cornelius arrives to Vesuvia…

Band-aid 🩹 – If there was one thing about your f/o that you'd want people to understand, what would it be?

Haaa... Portia overall is severely underappreciated by the fandom that doesn't bother to dive deeper into her character...

But if there's one point I'd like to drive across the most it is this: Portia is more than just uwu wholesome cottagecore lesbian (well, bisexual, but you get what I'm saying). Too much content with Portia is about domestic fluff and not enough about crazy adventures and sailing the seas. If you played her route then you would know that, while Portia is great at creating cozy and homely atmosphere, she’s not a domestic person, at least not by choice. She's highly curious, opportunistic and energetic, she always wanted more out of her life. Portia always dreamed of adventures, she wanted to become a pirate captain just like her adoptive grandma! She definitely won't be satisfied staying at home.

Overall, I'd say that Portia is kind of supposed to be this girl-next-door type of character, but it's twisted in a way that she loathes just being a girl-next-door. She contradicts her own advertising.

Sick 🤒 – Your f/o is sick in bed, what do you do?

Well, fuck. If Portia of all people is stuck in bed, you know that it’s bad. Usually it's almost impossible to convince her to rest, as Portia will insists that she’s fine for as long as she can and force herself to go through her usual duties despite feeling sick. It’s entirely possible that Katerina had to personally tackle her and drag her to bed. Then Katerina will put Pepi on top of her for a good measure, because Portia won't dare to get up while the cat is sleeping on her. But further than that…

Okay, first of all, she will call Julian. Then she will kick Julian out, because he was fretting over Portia too much and just proved to be a nuisance (Julian is a great doctor, but he becomes a nervous wreck when it concerns people he's close to, including his little sister). Instead Katerina will send him to Mazelinka – this old woman is smart and is great at green magic, she must have some remedy.

Overall, Katerina will follow all the instructions given to her by Mazelinka and Julian (when he calms down). She's not the best at taking care of people and healing magic never came easy to her, but she'll try her best. After all Portia always takes care of her when she's the one who gets sick.

[cloudbitch]

I need to be up at 5 am for a two hours shift.......... so glad it is my last week here

[toji-bunny-girl]

You don't go to the library to study. You go there to have your cunt stuffed, by nonother than librarian!Gojo.

He works there 5 days a week, and you made sure to be there by your corner every single one of those days, carefully staring at him through the side of your book. Of course, he's well aware of your interest in him. You're so preoccupied with him you don't even realise you're holding the book upside down.

He doesn't realise it yet but he's slow to share the same amount of attraction to you as you are to him. He'd note the way your eyebrows would adorably scrunch together when you're actually doing your assignment for once, and you'd collapse face down onto the table when the frustration and exhaustion caught up to you. Or how your favourite colour seemed to be pink, your stationery and laptop covered in different shades of the colour.

He's used to your presence by now, having spent the last couple of weeks observing you just as you stalked him through the library. And truth to be told, he actually enjoyed it—he's got a cutie following behind him, too shy to strike up a conversation with him and too dumb to hide your little crush any better.

You quickly became the only part of his job he would look forward to, questioning what kind of crap you were going to pull up to just right before his shift. Until you're gone all of a sudden.

Maybe you were just late, he thought on the first day of your absence. Or maybe you're sick by the second day. Perhaps you're just busy with school…or maybe some another guy—

Why does he even care in the first place? You're just some stalker with a pretty face, nothing special out of the sea of girls in his DMs. Gojo doesn't like how he's fretting over a girl who he hasn't talked to before, your presence doesn't control how his day goes anyway.

Until it does.

It exasperated him by how he allowed himself to be subjugated under you. He can't focus on his seminars when the voices in his head wonder about you louder than the lecturer's, he can't flirt with the chicks on campus without thinking about that fangirl from the library and he can't sleep if his head is filled with the images of you with another guy.

What kind of spell have you managed to put him under?

He was completely and utterly chafed by the next week when he entered his shift, a frown seemingly marked permanently upon his face as he went through his chores, putting away the books back to their categorised shelves. That was until he heard a familiar pit-pats of your shoes, and saw your figure stupidly hiding behind a bookshelf from the side of his eye.

His playful spirit returned when he noted your presence, and he wandered further into the library, where no one could see the two of you. As expected, you shuffled along his steps before slipping yourself into the aisle behind him, pretending to flick through the choices of books on display.

Those were Chinese novels, and you majored in Biochemistry. Idiot, he thought with an internal chuckle.

Unbeknownst to you, he had strolled to your back, waiting for you to turn to face him. Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when you found him standing right in front of you, and you froze then and there like a deer in the headlights.

"I know you've been stalking me around here," he had a shit-eating smirk on his face as his arms rested by your sides to trap you in between them. "Freak," he whispered next to your ears, sending a tingle through your nerves.

"I-I, ah—" you stammered, trying to collect your words to sound coherent. Your face was flushed bloody red with embarrassment, and Gojo was sure he'd burn himself if he were to touch you.

"But that's okay…" he drawled. "I won't spread the word if you listen to me."

Your eyes were wide, gaping at him through your lashes as you nodded.

Fuck, were you adorable.

"You like me, huh?"

"Uhm…I, uh…"

"Hm?"

"Y-Yes," you blurted with your eyes squeezed shut, too embarrassed. Your breath was hot, and they scorched his cheeks red upon your words.

"What do you like about me?" oh god does he love teasing the hell out of you.

"Your f-face…"

"My face?" he feigned dumb. Of course, he's well aware that girls would only come chasing after his looks. But he absolutely enjoyed torturing you with his stupid questions. "Which part of my face?"

"Huh…?" your eyes were spinning, your hands raising to push his frame a little away for your comfort.

"My eyes? My nose?" his bigger hand captured the two of yours into his grasp, his fingers were icy cold against yours, and his face neared yours once again, merely a breath away. "Or my lips?"

You didn't dare to answer, the sound of your throat gulping filled the air as a few stray hairs of his tickled your cheek. His eyes peered towards yours, catching your gaze that fell upon his lips.

"There, huh?" Gojo's smirk widened, his grip on your wrists tightening a fraction. "Wanna try them?"

You opened your mouth to respond, but no words left your trembling lips, except for a silent gasp. He took the shift of your feature as a sign for him to advance onto you, his lips gently sucked on your soft flesh, the tiniest amount of your saliva flowed onto his tongue and they tasted better than the finest honey.

A string of your mixed essence connected his lips to yours, red and swollen as a sign of his kiss, when he pulled away. Your knees weakened in enfeeblement, and Gojo caught you before you could fall to the ground.

"You're done?" his arms are strong, and you could feel his muscles flex under your hand when you gathered your strength to stabilise on your feet. "I'm not."

His touches slowly trailed down from your arm to your hips, and you subconsciously rubbed your thighs together when his gaze fell onto them. In his eyes you could see a growing hunger that lurked beneath his bright blue eyes, it was the darker gradient that hung low in his orbs.

"Do you touch yourself here when you think of me?" your teeth sank into the flesh of your bottom lip and your eyes peered down to between your skirt, where his hand was as you vaguely nodded; hoping that he didn't see the faint motion of your head.

How wouldn't he know when all his attention is on you? His eyes scanned the faint shifts in your features when he pressed against your heat, making sure there wasn't any hint of dissent to his touch—and mostly searching for the muted salacity behind your pretty eyes.

"Sometimes…" your voice was meek, but it was audible enough for his ear to twitch at your words. His chest almost burst to your confession, and the images of your features twisting into lewd faces flashed past his mind, calling out his name with that sweet voice of yours.

A soft moan left your lips when his fingers slipped past your pink panty, drawing slow circles upon your clit. Your hips bucked as he teased, his other hand coming down to palm your ass.

"What about I make you feel good?" he gently asked, and you drunkenly nodded to your pleasure. His thumb grew charge of teasing your hardening bud, his two long fingers dipped into your already-slick cavern, reaching the sensitive parts of your inside.

Your lips tensed into a line to quell the moans that drew from your itching tummy, and your hands rested on Gojo's chest, gripping onto his shirt for support.

His fingers grew greedy for more of your whimpers, stroking past your walls, searching for the velvety spot in you. You threw your head back when he found the part he was looking for, pumping out and into the spongey surface, stimulating your nerves to their limit.

Your eyebrows furrowed and your eyelids flew shut when he expedited the speed of his slick-coated digits, his arm growing slightly sore as he carried you to the height of your orgasm. His cock twitched when you drew out a cry of pleasure, your breath stuck in your throat as your mind went blank from your high.

Your grip on his clothes loosened, and you panted as you rest your weight against the shelves, Gojo's damp fingers evident of the pleasure he delivered to you. He watched as you collected your remaining breath, your cheeks flushed pink in arousal and your eyesight slowly blinked clear.

A bolt flash of surprise ran through his eyes when you carefully pulled his pants down, gripping his hardened girth with your warm hands. Gojo stopped you with a grab of your wrist, your whole body tensing in creeping embarrassment—he doesn't like it when you touch him?

Your thoughts flew out the window when he spat onto your palm, before guiding your hand back to his throbbing cock. Your mind grew blank as you began fisting his length, his breath hitching when you rubbed over his pinkish-red tip.

Your touches were filled with careful inexperience, and Gojo found it absolutely fucking adorable. The soft squelching of his saliva in your hand as you pumped his cock filled the air, and he inched closer to kiss you once again.

His groans flowed into your mouth as he slipped his tongue into your mouth, drinking in the taste of you as you pleased him. You seemed to be a quick learner on your own, pumping his pulsing cock faster, gripping onto him tighter, and rubbing his sensitive tip of all.

His hips stuttered along with the movements of your hand, a sign of his close release and you were clearly relentless to please him. Your pace doesn't falter, but fastened instead and his moans muffled through your sloppy kiss, your mixed drool dripping down your chin and onto your chest.

"Fuck," his voice cracked as his cock twitched, before ejaculating his hot semen onto your clothes, slowly dripping down to your thigh. Your breaths mingled in the sultry air, the smell of your essences filled your nostrils as the both of you cooled from the aftermath of your highs.

You recognised the dirty smirk on his face when you flicked your gaze up at him, and you sank into the bookshelf in preparation for what he had conjured up in his mind.

"The library closes in 30 minutes, we'll get the whole place to ourselves by then."

[sugume]

BORED N’ IGNORED w/Jujutsu Kaisean

( TW ) f!reader, explicit content, bored!Sukuna & Toji, Ignored!Gojo & Choso cunnilingus, thigh riding, blow job, humiliation, face fucking, fingering, reader snaps a pic of gojo and sends it to her friend, sub!Choso or is he just a pleasure dom…?

Featuring: Gojo Satoru, Ryomen Sukuna, Choso Kamo + Toji Fushiguro 

authors note: I re-wrote this like 10 times so pls ignore any mistakes. also, me posting everyone but Geto on his birthday is criminal...

☾ CHOSO KAMO 

“Haha! I got the kill! Finally,” You cheer. “Oh shit, someone's chasing me.” You move your controller, focused on getting yourself to safety, ignoring your boyfriend who's underneath your desk eating you out like a starved man.  

Choso just wants to make you cum. He knows he's in the doghouse for what he did last night so he’s trying to make it up to you. He didn’t know you were going to treat him like some common whore though. You won’t even acknowledge that he’s eating you out on the cold hard floor. He wants to scream but he knows you’d be even more angry, so he makes it his mission to make you cum so hard you have no choice but to talk to him.  

He sucks your clit harder, rubbing his fingers inside your gummy walls. You clench around them but show no sign on the outside that you’re about to cum. He knows his girl though. Knows you better than you know yourself. He smirks into your clit. 

“Shit—oh fuck—they won’t get off my tail—oh my god!” You scream at the game, trying and failing to mask your pleasure. Choso adds another finger into your cunt, stretching you good you almost drop the controller on his head.  

Choso picks up the pace, sucking on your clit so hard he’s scared he might leave a bruise—and finally, you acknowledge him.

“m’gonna cum! Choso!” you cry, reaching down to pull his hair as you cum all over his face.

☾ RYOMEN SUKUNA 

“Look at me!” You cry, kissing up and down his shaft before taking him back into your mouth You go as deep as you can before gagging. You pull back up and suck on his tip. You look up at Sukuna who doesn’t even look affected, staring at the TV. You dig your nails into his thighs. He doesn't react. 

“Kuna!” You scream, grabbing his jaw and forcing him to look down at you. He stares at you with disinterest. “What?” 

“Why aren’t you paying attention to me?” You hiccup, sitting back on your knees and grabbing his cock. You squeeze it. 

“You want my attention little one?” He grins down at you. You sniffle and nod, bending down to kiss the tick of his cock. He pats you head and you almost cry in relief.  

“Oh, so damned touch starved—upset ‘ve been ignoring you? I apologize little one. I'll make it up to you.” He grabs your head with both hands, guiding you to his cock. You open your mouth and take him in again. He grunts, pushing you to the hilt even as you gag and try to pull yourself up. He lifts your head back up before slamming it down on his cock. You claw at his thighs. “Giving you all my attention now. Gonna face fuck you ‘til you don’t remember your fucking own name.” 

☾ GOJO SATORU 

Satoru holds onto your thighs as he pushes his leaky cock into you. He needed this so bad after the day he had. He didn’t even pay mind to what you were doing before throwing his clothes off and climbing onto the bed. 

“Fuck—Feel good, Angel?” Gojo questions as he thrusts into you from his place above you. You don’t hear him though, too busy texting your friend about the latest drama that happened in your friend group.  

“Angel, did you hear me?” Satoru moves his hands from your waist to your tits. He pinches hard. You grunt, the grip on your phone wavering. Satoru’s harsh thrusts distract you for a second before you come back to your senses and read your friend's text. ‘Why are you making so many spelling mistakes LOL?’ You grin, clicking the camera and turning it to Satoru who looks down at you half angry and half pussy drunk. You snap a blurry picture of his sweaty abs and V-line before clicking send. Your friend laughs. 

“Angel,” Satoru whines grabbing your phone. “Stop treating me like some crapy dildo machine!” He holds the phone over his head with one hand, the other holding you down by the tummy. 

“Toru! I was having an important conversation,” You moan, wrapping your legs around his hips, digging your heels into his ass. He grunts his heavy hand on your tummy moving to squeeze your side. “Please, baby? Just gotta send one more text then I'm all yours—promise.”  

☾ TOJI FUSHIGURO 

You hold onto Toji’s bicep as you ride his thigh. You grind your pussy harder onto his leg, making sure your clit drags over the hard material of his pants. You moan and look down at the dark patch your slick is making. 

“Can you quiet down princess? Need to finish this application and you're distracting me.” Toji says, erasing the sentence he knows is incomprehensible. You moan louder. Throwing your head back and arching your tits up in his face. He grunts, turning to the side to rewrite his response.  

You huff, if he wants to play like that. "You better not ask me to get you off later today.” You grumble, moving your own hands up to twist and tug your nipples. Your legs tighten around his thick thigh. You feel yourself getting closer.  You grind down harder, pussy clenching around nothing.  

“Gonna cum! Ahh—feels so good, you feel s’good!” You slur, legs shaking as an orgasm washes over you. You slump down against Toji’s big chest. Toji’s face heats. He doesn't know whether to be pissed off or turned on that you just came all over his thigh like that. He grumbles something inaudible, bringing a hand down to grab a handful of your ass as he presses submit. “Oh, you’re fucking on princess.” 

[goldengirlgalaxy]

The Bedazzler

After a very hazy night that... may or may not have been caused by something he found in the Ghost Zone, Danny ends up discovering in his haze he bought an absolutely outrageous amount of various craft supplies, especially shiny things like those little plastic rimstones.

Good news, everything was bought from a going out of business sale, so he didn't drain all of his funds. Bad news, everything was bought from a going out of business sale, which means he can't return them. And, frankly, he doesn't want to just throw away a bunch of stuff he paid for. But he still doesn't know what to do with it all.

At least until Clockwork decides to give Danny a small boon that lets him stop time. Then he gets some ideas.

It first starts off with Superman. He's doing his regular hero thing, when he suddenly feels his cape pulled to one side. He brushes it off as the wind, until people start pointing at his back. Clark nearly panics when he finds a bunch of green crystals on his cape, only to calm when he realizes they're plastic and attached with glue. That of course begs the question, who was able to glue gemstones to his back without him noticing?

Later that same day he's both amused and even more confused when Luthor appears again, only for a bunch of gem stickers to appear on top of his bald head, clearly arranged to spell out 'I Heart Superman' in icons.

Captain Marvel suddenly feels something appear on his head, only to discover it's some kind of cardboard crown. He's confused, but ultimately decides to wear it the rest of the day, thinking it might be from some meta fan of his.

Martian Manhunter finds a necklace appearing on him. When he pulls it off, he finds it's one of those Shrinky Dink plastics, designed to look like a medal that says '#1 Hero' on it, also with some extra plastic gems for extra bling. He wears it proudly for the rest of the day.

The Gotham Bats all get hit at the same time. Fake flowers, various colors of ribbons, Red Robin had a helium balloon attached to him for an hour, and of course plenty of shiny fake gems.

At first, everyone thought the funniest part of the mysterious crafts was Red Hood appearing with several rimstones attached to his hood where he mouth would be, several gold ones arranged in such a way that it looked like he was flashing a bunch of yellow teeth.

Then the Joker showed up. And was promptly doused in several pounds of glitter. Even better, it got into his eyes, effectively blinding him and giving the Bats a chance to capture him (after they were done laughing).

Of course, as more Leaguers get trolled, the more the stories start to paint a picture of someone running around pranking them. And many of them want to know just who this Bedazzler is.

Meanwhile, Danny is laughing his ass off and is planning on giving his friends a chance to have their own fun.

[mv1simp]

Based on darling 🍑 🛒 anon’s request: max x inexperienced best friend!reader who hears him complaining about how hard it is to find a girl who’ll match his freak in bed 😼

Birthday Sex ♥️

Max Verstappen x Best Friend!Reader

don’t need candles or cake, just need your body to make (birthday sex, it’s the best day of the year, girl)

As Max’s best friend since childhood, you know him better than anyone. You’re determined to find the best birthday gift after he’s outdone you the past three years. Just when you’ve given up all hope of beating him you overhear him complaining that none of his recent girlfriends let him hit it just the way he likes. Bingo - you’ve just thought of the perfect gift!

Content includes: 18+ MDNI, smut, dom!max, inexperienced best friend!reader who gets railed lol, size kink, anal, creampie, sloppy drunk sex!!, WC 3.3k

You slump your head down on the table and groan, making your best friend Selena quirk as brow at you as she sips her strawberry iced matcha. Across the room, the elderly librarian scowls and points to the sign clearly labelled “University Library - Quiet Zone for Finals Study”. You roll your eyes and drag Selena away to some dusty bookshelf’s well away from the old crone. You still haven’t found a present for Max? Your friend muses as she noisily slurps her drink, eyeing the dubious titles on the ancient books. Shaking your head, you whine about how you’ve spent weeks thinking of what to gift the F1 driver. You and Max have been best friends since childhood, having grown up literally 2 doors down from one another. After getting over the initial boy/girl germs phase, you’d both connected over a like for video games which had turned into a loyal and supportive friendship into teens and adulthood. And of course, you both strongly believed in work hard, play hard, and frequently would be seen doing multiple shots together out in the Monaco clubs after a race weekend or post exam season.

Despite all the time you’d spend together, things had never crossed the line past friendship. It was always heavily speculated in the media, of course, as well as constant teasing from the other paddock members and your friends and family, but both you and Max dismissed it. He treated you like one of his guy friends, inviting you over to game or come onto his private jet with his other mates to fly out for a race weekend. And of course, being good friends with a millionaire driver meant being spoilt, especially on your birthday. Max always picked up on your hints and outdid himself every year. Last birthday you’d had not one but two custom made jewellery sets delivered from Cartier when you’d mentioned them in passing, and the year before that unlimited VIP box seats to your favourite soccer team and access to his private jet to get you there.

So that’s why you’re desperate to find Max the perfect present for his birthday this year. You want to spoil him just like he spoils you! But he’s been busy with his new girlfriend, a Spanish model he met in St Tropez, and you in the final semester of your English Lit degree and you haven’t had a chance to hear what’s he’s been interested in lately.

You’ve thought up countless ideas, but what do you get a man who literally can afford anything he wants? You’ve cycled through all of his likes, finding that he already owns everything you could possibly buy. Your friend Serena is useless as she watches you plead up at the ceiling (dramatic, sure, but desperate times call for desperate measures) asking for any Gods watching above to send you a sign of the right gift. You could always just get him a vibrator, she joked as she slurped her iced coffee. You know, like the one I got you? Have you been using it? Seriously, we need to end this dry spell and get you dicked down- At that point the old crone of a librarian had let out a scandalised gasp as she overheard and kicked the pair of you out.

You’ve almost given up completely and drop by his apartment a few days before his birthday, ready to just directly beg him to tell you what he wants and put you out of your misery. You let yourself in, already familiar with his spare key hiding location for years. And then you stumble across a conversation that’s not meant for your ears as Max’s deep voice carries around the corner. He’s on video chat with one of his mates playing an e-sim racing game, but they’re definitely not talking about racing strategy.

I don’t know mate, why is it so hard these days to find a chick who’ll let you hit it raw? one of his friends complain over the speakers. Your eyes widen, hand rushing up to stifle your gasp as you realise they’re talking about what they like in the bedroom. You and Max had never talked about something like this, and you’re about to turn and leave - when your best friend says something you’d never expected him to say. He snorts, murmuring that sure, getting to finish inside was good but the real challenge was convincing a girl to let you fuck her up the ass.

His friend laughs on the screen, wholeheartedly agreeing, saying Ah, I see even a F1 driver can’t find a girlfriend who’s into that freaky shit, huh? You miss Max’s reply because his cats, Sassy and Jimmy, have started to walk over to you curiously. You hightail it out of his apartment, desperate not to get caught eavesdropping with your blushing face and jumbled thoughts. You only let yourself calm down once you’re in the safety of your much smaller apartment, sinking into your sofa and recounting what you’d heard. You and Max had never ever talked about sex, even though he treated you like his guy friends, that was a line you’d just never crossed. You’d never have guessed he was into something so naughty like not using protection or…what had he said? Up the ass?

You’re not 100% sure on what he means, with your rather…limited sexual experiences. While Max regularly slept with multiple different flings and models, your hook ups could be counted on one hand. You’d lost your virginity, of course, to an awkward college boyfriend that Max had hated and eventually told you to break up with. But apart from a few sloppy handjobs or quick drunk blowjobs, you really hadn’t explored much else. You were jealous of how much more experienced Max was than you, having sometimes overheard him and his latest girlfriend celebrating a race win from a neighbouring hotel room. But it looked like despite all of the girls he’d been with, he wasn’t getting the satisfaction he wanted in bed. And apparently what satisfied the Dutch Lion was fucking girls who let him take the condom off or use their ass to his liking.

Determined to find out more about what exactly Max wanted, you open the private browser of your laptop and type in a porn site you’d looked at a couple times before. You navigate to the tags, scrolling until you see the category you wanted to research. As you wait for the top trending video in the #Anal section to load you bite your lip, suddenly nervous. Why did Max say he wanted that? It sounded dirty and painful and just wrong. Was there something you were missing?

Then the video started playing and within seconds you’d lost any inhibitions you had. Hypnotised, you watch the screen where a small, tan skinned girl is face down and ass up, with a much larger man running his tongue obscenely through her asscheeks. She’s moaning wantonly, clearly enjoying it, and then his sizeable dick is bouncing out against her bum, messily pounding her pussy first, and then - and then-

Your doe eyes widen, fixed on the laptop with a gasp as his tip slides past her pussy and into her other hole, the one you hadn’t even known could fit a guy’s dick inside it! You’re enraptured, not wanting to blink as you watch her asshole get completely ruined. Your lace thong is rapidly soaked by your wetness as you start panting, finding yourself turned on in a way you’d never ever been before. This is what your Maxie liked? It was so hot, you think sluttily, shamelessly slipping your tiny manicured fingers into your panties to finger yourself at the forbidden thought of you and Max acting out the activities in the video. You cum far too quickly, head tossed back in pleasure. Afterwards, you know you should feel embarrassed and guilty, but instead all you can think about is how badly you want to try having sex with your other tight hole.

And you know exactly what to gift your best friend. Max deserves to get exactly what he wants, after all.

Soon you’re watching dirty video after video every night, telling yourself you need to practise the positions and expressions yourself. But really you’re just addicted to the moaning of girls getting their asses abused by huge cocks, or having the coy smirks wiped off their faces and instead rolling their eyes back as their pussies are pumped full of cum. The bullet vibrator Serena had gifted you as a joke now finds itself making its way in between your dripping thighs, as you cum nightly to the fantasy of being able to provide Max with that pleasure. If his latest girlfriend of the month wasn’t willing to put out for him, you certainly had no problem helping your best friend out instead.

You make sure you’re ready by the time his birthday party rolls around, being celebrated in style aboard his yacht that’s docked in Ibiza tonight. You’ve chosen your outfit carefully, a tight red minidress that shows off your plump ass and tits, complete with strappy high heels. It highlights your ample curves, very different from his usual fling’s stick thin figures. And speaking off - you knew that he must have broken it off with his latest girlfriend judging by the fact that she wasn’t here tonight. Your suspicions are confirmed when a mutual friend tells you he dumped her just two days ago, citing a difference in personalities. More like a difference in kinky preferences, you thought deviously. You just needed to confirm that Max was willing to cross the line of no return in your friendship. Judging from the way his gaze had turned dark and hungry when he’d seen you step onto his boat, roaming over your figure, you were pretty confident that you’d be able to proceed in unveiling your gift.

As the party continues well into the night, you join everyone in dancing and drinking, using the tequila shots as an excuse to why you’re suddenly grinding your fat ass back into Max’s crotch amidst the crowded makeshift dancefloor. When you hear Max laugh in delight, strong hands possessively curling around your hips to keep you against him, you know he wanted you, too.

So when the last of the partygoers are heading off the yacht to join the others in the Ibiza clubs, you take Max’s hand in yours to tug him away, back onto the other side of the yacht where you’re well away from anyone’s eyes and facing the night ocean. He willingly goes, checking out your curvy ass from behind, his own face flushed from the drinks he’d had. You’re tipsily giggling that he had to open your present! as you gently push him onto the outdoor couch, plucking your cutely wrapped small gift box and offering it to him. As he opens it, you eagerly sit down by his side, pressing in close to his warm, toned chest with the excuse of its cold, Maxie.

You don’t miss how his gaze drops to your plush tits, which bounce with every movement and show off your hardened nipples as you’d chosen to only wear a skimpy lace bralette underneath. He easily plays along with your excuse, wrapping his thick arm around you to pull you onto his lap and settle against his broad figure. You giggle again when he finally opens the gift box, only to find it…empty? He looks up at you, laughing as he assumed you’d forgotten to pack your present in your drunk antics tonight.

But the plan in your mind is razor sharp as you breathily press kisses to his stubbled cheeks, making his lustful gaze flicker to your lips as the tension between you two grows. You whisper that you hadn’t forgotten, in fact, you’d gotten him the perfect gift, exactly what he’d been complaining to his gaming friends about not being able to find. The present was just inside you, was all!

Max is still adorably confused, not entirely sure what you were referring to as you slide off his lap after pressing a barely there kiss to his lips. He watches you curiously as you press your blushing cheeks into the sofa and stick your thick ass up in the air. Your already tiny minidress slides down your hips, exposing your soaked, lacey thong that barely covered the true surprise - a cute heart shaped butt plug. Max’s jaw drops and for a minute he thinks he must be dreaming, or had gotten super drunk, or this was some sick joke his friends had set him up for. Until you seductively jiggle your hips at him, fat ass bouncing, your sweet voice almost innocently asking if he likes his gift?

Oh, I fucking love it, sweetheart he assures you with a wicked grin, once he realises just what you were giving him. It’s so much better than anything I could have asked for. Your pleased giggle quickly turns into pleased moans as he plays with the toy, teasing you by slowly pulling it out a bit before sliding it back in. He pulls his raging erection out of his pants, telling you to come here and suck me off, getting his cock ready to fuck you. You obediently lick up and down his length, covering it with your messy drool and lip gloss, making sure it’s as wet as possible. His muscular neck is thrown back against the sofa as he moans above you, a strong hand tangled through your curls as he tries to control the pace but can't resist your talented mouth teasing his over sensitive tip. He almost cums from your enthusiasm, hips stuttering and he swears in dutch as he has to forcefully pull on your dark locks to move your plush lips off him. You cheekily grin up at him, winking, asking was that too much for him?

He tosses you around in half a second, making you giggle into the soft pillow as he raises your ass into the air, growling that he’d have done this a long time ago if he knew what a needy slut you secretly were. You shake your hips enticingly at him, ass bouncing, enjoying how his sexy voice got even deeper and accented when he was dirty talking. Swearing at your tempting display, he delivers a strong smack to your cheeks, and then a second one for good measure, before nudging his cockhead up against your dripping slit. He hushes your whines, telling you that he needed to get a taste of your pussy, the one he’d been dreaming about when you’d stay the night after a late movie and rub your ass into his erection in your sleep, edging him for hours. Did you even know how many times he had to go jerk off to the mental image of your ass in the shower?

You moan in pleasure as he fucks you sloppily, whispering about the time he hadn’t been able to resist and pulled your panties down in your sleep, wanting to jerk off to the real thing and leaving his cum all over your caramel skin. Th-that’s soo hot, Maxie you whine, already feeling fucked out of your mind. Go-go on, cum instead me, you say breathlessly. I started the pill just for your present tonight!

Groaning at your naughty confession, he pumps one last, deep thrust before he's tensing above you, a bruising grip on your hips as he holds you still to drain his load deep inside you. He's panting deeply as his head comes to rest on the back of your neck, the two of you enjoying your blissful comedown together for a few minutes. You can’t believe how heated things have gotten tonight after being friends for years. We could have been hooking up this whole time, it was so good Maxiee you whine against his lips as he presses his tongue into your pouting mouth.

Chuckling at your eagerness, he filthily whispers that you could start by giving him the next part of his birthday gift, hmm? You nod breathlessly, unable to say no to your precious Maxie. He palms your juicy asscheeks with his large palms, squeezing at your flesh greedily. Soon enough he’s fingering your tight, winking hole from above you, telling you to hold your asscheeks apart for him as he messily spits right over where he plans to fuck you. Just the tip, right, Maxie? You repeat again, feeling unsettled with not knowing what he was doing behind you, when he stopped to stare at your cute little hole for a few minutes. Your blushing face is still buried into the cushions as your nails dig into your bouncing ass and hold it apart for him. I've never had anything...inside there before, you say, cheeks warming. So you can't stretch it out, okay, I read that it-

Yeah, yeah baby Max says distractedly, hypnotised by your inviting tight hole that is filling him with a growing desire to ruin it every passing second. Whatever you say. Dousing himself in lube from the supply he keeps stashed in between the couch cushions, he approaches you from behind, his erect cock standing stiff as you jiggle your hips. His tip nudges against your back entrance, making you moan excitedly at foreign but tingly feeling. Then he’s thrusting his leaking cockhead in and out of your hole, and you’re babbling incoherently, your face turned to the side as you gasp mouthfuls of air. Oh, it feels sooo good, mmhhh, yes Maxie-

He growls approvingly at your desperate whining, smacking your red asscheeks again and again to make them bounce. Feels amazing, right baby? he hums into your ear, pressing his abs down against your back. The new position makes his cock accidentally slide in just a little more and you arch your back more when the tingly feeling gets stronger as he slips a large hand around to toy with your sensitive clit. You’ll let me put in just a little bit more, right baby? Max whispers huskily, his hungry eyes taking in your drooling, fucked out face. You were in so much bliss he doubts you’d be able to say no to anything he asked for. O-ok, a little bit more- Ohh! Oh fuck!

You cry out as he doesn’t hesitate to slip inside you even further. It’s a good thing you can’t see the filthy mess behind you because Max has bullied an easy third of his rigid, veiny shaft inside your gummy walls. He groans against the back of your neck, sending shivers down your spine as he praises how good you take his fat cock, better than any of his girlfriends. He knows just what to say to have you seeing stars as he continues to shove more and more of himself into your tight hole. Fuck schat, giving me the best birthday treat ever, I’m gonna be addicted.

You’re on Cloud 9-, pink tongue poking out of your mouth and drooling all over the cushion, pretty doe eyes rolled all the way back as Max pounds into your all too willing body. You can barely reply coherently when he croons that he’s just gonna slide a bit more in, that’s right, just like that, you can take it for him, right?

His whole cock is buried inside your ass now, beads of sweat running own his toned abs. And soon you’re screaming his name as he greedily fucks you, grunting with pleasure at each thrust. You can only cross your fingers and hope none of your friends come back from the club early.

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A/N: back to my old FILTHY ways after writing a 9.5K mafia fic just to give u all whiplash will finally be posting part 2 of earned it v soon with dedicated hot husband max hehehe 😝