#best wedding ever

[sankta-wraith]

Vin: Elend!!! I’m so sorry I killed your brother. Elend: I don’t have a brother? Vin, crying and actively bleeding out: Not anymore:

[tllgrrl]

Soul Mates ver. 2: Best Wedding Ever.

[divercitizen]

flashback to the dream I had where I was marrying Quicksilver from x-men, except our relationship was completely platonic and we just wanted the tax benefits. Our wedding was in an abandoned, rotting chapel and the only guests were my parents, siblings, and Magneto. Also my senior dog was the flower girl and she was so cute everyone started crying. When the dude officiating the wedding said Pietro and I could kiss, we just fist-bumped and headed off to get cake.

[luke769comics]

Best wedding ever but they might not remember it

[hinamie]

10 years later

[dapper-lil-arts]

this is how their first meeting went right

[blueskittlesart]

zl wedding (again)

[lezzybeaverman]

Dinosaur at a wedding! We had one! Our wedding was sort of dinosaur themed (basically, they kept asking now wife and I what colors and such we liked and we just panicked like WE LIKE DINOSAURS?! so we leaned in). Her littlest brother wanted to wear one of the dino suits, we were thrilled, he did it. He was the hit of the wedding. More people took pictures with him than with us, and we were fine with that. Also, we had karaoke, and a shy t-rex shuffling back and forth really brings something to a drake song that is otherwise lacking, I have to say.

[inkskinned]

so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

[soleilady]

in my extroverted era 💕

[frenchublog]

[mobius-m-mobius]

TOM HIDDLESTON and OWEN WILSON in the LOKI S2 BLOOPER REEL

[ryllen]

when u love being called 'love'

[demigods-posts]

i have this weird headcanon of percy and annabeth getting married. they says their vows through sobs, hard for the audience to understand, but they hear each other clear as day. the words tattoo on their skin since they kissed underwater all those years ago. chiron officiates and announce them newly weds. they kiss. percy cries into her shoulder and annabeth holds him amid the crowds tearful applause. sally's awaiting by the door with a pistol in her hands in case a monster wants to try her. it's a beautiful sight really. and i should write this.

[wearenemies]

‘there is dust on the times i love’ / ‘the sailing that gradually made you tiny in my sight’ (postcard from pete wentz to patrick stump // estate sale sign by the mountain goats // untitled poetry by tumblr user archbudzar // the letters of frida kahlo // the predatory wasp of the palisades by sufjan stevens // civilization by carl phillips // giovanni’s room by james baldwin // sendero luminoso verdadero by the mountain goats // postcard from patrick stump to pete wentz)

[lizzybeeee]

"And then it was over."