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foldingfittedsheets · 4 months ago

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I’d like to entertain and enliven you now with the saga of my Slut Era.

I’ve always been a serial monogamist and my shortest long term relationships clocked in at three years. So perhaps that’s why when I finally broke it off with my ex I went insane on dating. Part of it was definitely just that between anxiety and loneliness I wanted to fill up my time.

This happened when I was living alone for the first time, no roommates, just me and my little cat Leeloo. I didn’t want to come home to an empty house so instead I set up dates.

Most of these were disastrous. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I had a lot more first dates than second because they’d seen enough, including the one where people aggressively complimented me.

But after a few months I had four people I was seeing simultaneously. I was up front with all of them that things were not exclusive, and they all agreed, so no infidelity took place here, just a lot of hijinks.

Here’s who was on the dating roster:

• An apprentice woodworker that we’ll call Jill. I honestly thought at 26 years old that her being 21 wasn’t a problem age gap and I quickly learned that there was a vast gulf of both maturity and life experience between us. Jill described herself as “heteroflexible” and had just dumped her first boyfriend to flirt it up with me.

• A married woman looking for a friends with benefits. We’ll call her Alice. I insisted on meeting her husband first to be sure I wasn’t part of a cheating mess and he gave me his blessing when I stayed over at her house. Years later when he and Alice had divorced I would go on to sell him and his new fiancée an engagement ring and we both realized at the end how we knew each other and it was wildly awkward. Alice was nice, but a hardcore vegan who insisted I brush my teeth if I so much as ate string cheese before I could kiss her. She was also unhappy in her marriage and was feeling out if I’d want to get serious.

• A bartender dubbed Snakebites, so called because of her signature piercings. She cooked me a steak so raw it was still mooing and some of the best asparagus I’d ever had. In our singular sexy encounter she bit my nipple and I never got over it. Really don't bite someone if you don't know their preference and work up in pressure. We weren’t terribly compatible but neither of us were willing to admit it yet. Truthfully I considered still dating her solely because I desperately wanted her bathroom. It had all black tile, black toilet, black sink, a rain shower in the corner and a jacuzzi tub. I may not have loved her but god I loved that bathroom.

And finally,

• My beloved, who I would go on to marry, who was dealing with a lot of personal stuff at the time. Obviously that meant I liked them the best of all the people I was seeing because we were both disasters at the time.

So that’s the cast of this little misadventure. Now, our story begins with Jill.

Jill was someone who heightened my anxiety. Each of the three times she came to my home she brought and left more stuff. A self help book, a ramen kit, the entire Teen Titans collection of DVDs. It was like she was trying to move in. She also liked to deride my taste in things, frequently calling me a pleb when I mentioned a band or show I liked.

She was working on a gorgeous little decorative table in her woodworking program. The main wood for the top had a beautiful dapple of knots like jaguar spots, and when she showed me a picture I exclaimed how pretty it was.

“Do you want it?”

“Oh- I mean it’s lovely, I wouldn’t mind having it, but you should sell it and make some money!”

But she was adamant. She’d give me the little side table. At about this time, Alice was starting to get awfully lovey for a FWB. I knew she wasn’t happy with her husband but I also knew we were not a good fit. Fun fact: Alice and her husband were step siblings with a pretty hefty age gap. They got together when he stumbled upon a kink photo shoot she’d done with vegetables. None of their family was happy about the relationship but they weren’t related by blood so it was fine.

So I was fending off more overt romantic advances from Alice, and feeling increasingly like I needed to break things off with Jill. Snakebites wasn’t ever initiating communication and I decided to pull a lot of plugs at once.

I ghosted Snakebites, told Alice that I thought we should cool it, and in a move worthy of a rom-com I asked my beloved if I could pretend we were exclusive to put off Jill. They agreed and I texted Jill to let her know that I was no longer single.

I was not prepared for Jill’s response. She. Was. Devastated. She flew off the handle. She’d just been waiting for the right time to tell me how she felt about me! How dare I do this to her!

What about the table?!

“You should keep the table, it’s gorgeous, you’ll be able to sell it, but I don’t expect a free table.”

Silence met me after that text. I worried and fretted and eventually headed home.

There on my doorstep. The table.

It was a small little end table, reeking of oil and polish, but very beautiful. I brought it inside. The little drawer didn’t even have a knob or guide rails. But it did have a handwritten bill proclaiming that it was costing me $500.

“I can’t afford a $500 table, Jill!” I texted.

“Well you kept saying how nice it was. I spent a lot of time on it.”

“I’m not saying it’s not worth $500” (it wasn’t, it was a tiny side table made by an apprentice) “but I can’t buy a $500 table.”

“Make me an offer.”

I stared at the little table. I did actually like it, but I worried about the repercussions of entering into this deal. Hesitantly I typed back, “$300.” I didn’t think it was worth that much but I didn’t want to insult her too badly.

This suited her for the night. But the next day she informed me she needed a new bed, and that she’d take her $300 in credit toward a new mattress. I spent the whole next day basically wrangling with her over what she wanted and eventually she spiked back up to demanding $500 for the damn table.

“Let me just give it back,” I begged. It was not the first, second, or even third time I’d asked to return the thing but this time she finally relented and gave me her address. Since she lived with her parents still I’d never been over.

I called up my beloved and said, “Hey, I need moral support, can you run an errand with me?”

They agreed which is how we loaded up a self help book, a ramen kit, the entire Teen Titans DVD collection, and the table from hell into my little car together. Jill had said to meet her at one o'clock. I intended to drop everything off at noon and be done with this madness.

But while my beloved and I were on the doorstep leaving everything I heard, “Jill? You’re home early,” through the door. Her mom opened it to peer at us in confusion.

“I was just bringing Jill’s stuff back!” I chirped in alarm.

With little tact and a lot of speed we left her with Jill’s collection of things and then I sped out of there like my tail was on fire. I handed my phone to my beloved as I zoomed away instructing them to block Jill’s number. I was free. The tabletross around my neck had been returned.

It was about a month after that when my beloved and I officially began dating exclusively. I had wrapped up all my messy dating threads and it was a relief to be in a relationship again. They went on a trip to Mexico shortly after we made it official.

So I knew they were out of town. But next morning I walked out to my car and beheld a lipstick kiss pressed to the drivers side window.

I was petrified. I had just dumped three girls at once and had an extremely messy back and forth with one of them. Did I have a stalker?!

Of the girls, Alice seemed like likeliest candidate, being of a stronger lipstick variety girl than Jill or Snakebites. We had ended things a bit stiffly, but still cordial. She just laughed when I asked if she knew anything about it. “Nope,” she said, “but good luck.”

I’d rather have walked over broken glass then text Jill, and I’d firmly ghosted Snakebites so I was scared to reopen communication to ask if she was stalking me. I had to drop it. But it haunted me, that lipstick kiss.

For months I was jumpy, wondering which of my spurned lovers had done it. And why. Was it a threat? A goodbye? I lay awake thinking about it, worrying about how everyone I’d dated knew where I lived, which car was mine.

Finally, nothing else happened and I moved on. The kiss would remain a mystery and I had to be content with that.

It was a year later when I finally started filling my mom in on my dating escapades that I finally got closure. She was hooting and laughing as I went over the table debacle. Then I paused and added, “And then this kiss showed up on my car.”

“Did you like it?”

“What? No! I’m pretty sure one of them was stalking me! Who else would leave a kiss on my car?”

My mom started bellowing with laughter. “I did!” She wheezed.

Apparently. My mother had been driving by my place. And decided that a cute little gesture would be to leave me a kiss. And then decided to never mention it to me even though she’s never done anything like that previously.

“It scared the crap out of me!” I yelled while she collapsed with helpless laughter. “I thought I had a stalker! How could I possibly have known that was you?!”

“How could I have known you’d just broken up with three girls at once?” She wheezed in rejoinder and like. Fair play.

So that’s how my mom convinced me I had a stalker and I got out of buying a $500 table.

#ramblies #funny #ffs foibles #dating #the table #writing #story #funny story

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imaginesbymonika · 26 days ago

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Futile Devices | Part 5

Pairing: Noel Gallagher x childhood-best friend reader

Plot: There's nothing quite like realizing your feelings once it's too late. But what would life be without a speck of hope?

read previous part

(1998)

Noel who is sitting next to Nicole leans back in his chair and annoyingly crosses his arms in front of his chest. Usually, he loved the Brits, truly. It’s his favorite award show of the year (even if he’d never admit that to anyone). Nonetheless, this year even though he tries his absolute best to have a good time and enjoy himself he just couldn't do it. No matter how much alcohol he drinks.

His eyes wander the table. His brother Liam is filling his girlfriend’s champagne glass to the brim and giggles like a schoolboy when some of it spills on the white tablecloth. The blonde in his arm scolds him, but cannot conceal the smile that materializes on her red-painted lips. He sees how Nicole yawns, before her hand moves to gently caress his shoulder. Something is missing. And he just can’t put his finger on it.

He wants to say something to her when he catches a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye. A familiar silhouette. Pursued by a feeling in his chest that he used to be able to put a word on. Noel turns his head and sees you.

Three tables behind their own is Blur’s. You are sitting next to Damon, wearing a gorgeous silver satin dress. Considering, how all the other people at the table are wearing somewhat more informal clothing you look like something straight out of a magazine.

His blue eyes travel down to your hand that’s intertwined with Damon’s, and when he notices a (huge fucking) diamond on your ring finger he swallows thickly. He thought you loathed wearing jewelry. His head quickly turns back to his table.

„Are you okay?“, Nicole asks, her tone concerned before his gaze drifts through the room. When it stops on you she lets out an understanding sigh:” It was all over Daily Mail.”

“What?”

“Their engagement.”, she explains, bringing the glass up to her lips:” Damon gave an interview on how she’s the love of his life or whatever. Expensive fucking ring too. I always guessed Blur didn’t sell that much, but well…”

Noel stares at his drink. He wonders if he’ll be invited to the wedding, but then again you didn’t phone him to tell him about the engagement in the first place. He wanted to be angry- at Damon, angrier than he had already been. Yet if he was being ethical about it he couldn’t be. If someone was to vilify for this whole fiasco it has to be him. He had shoved you away. Nicole wasn’t his best friend, fuck this.

“Are you having a good time?”, a voice from next to him asks and Noel simply nods. In reality, all he wanted to do was cry. Something was missing, and that something was you.

#noel gallagher x you #noel gallagher x reader #noel gallagher imagine #noel gallagher #oasis x reader #oasis band #oasis #blur #britpop

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spotlightlowlife · 8 months ago

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Make Charlie and Lucifer PROUD rulers of the PRIDE RING

Charlie is a princess, so Lucifer is pretty much a king, so why not establish this?

There is nothing that tells us that this guy even runs this particular region of the entire realm he created.

Where is his palace?

His grande entrance was walking into the hotel his daughter owns that we haven't even explored.

Who bought Princess Charlie her own hotel?

Where is the boasting? Any ostentatious showcases of high status that would be normal for even well intentioned rich people? Being rich, flash and used to a lot of freedom can easily create someone who doesn't know best but is adamant that they do, no matter how silly they end up looking and how frustrating they can be, even when meaning well.

Hell is Lucifer's territory that he created and gives exterminator angels, who are nobodies, free reign of whilst he has a key to the door and seat at the house in heaven.

Lucifer hates the sinners so his lack of leadership and agreement to their genocides are spiteful acts - so let him be proud of his hateful ways, especially if it won't matter.

Charlie's issues with daddy, what we l got sold, was simply not giving her what she wanted the very moment she wanted it, that's what their episode boiled down to because honestly, what did her flashback have to do with anything? She's a grown woman who remembers a loving, fun and interesting person who made time for her but her mother would spoil that? Her dad is the only one of two people she can emotionally blackmail with 'if you loved me....' to get her own way, yet she's no emotional blackmailer, she's 'nice', the writing direction and her lack of doing wrong or anything in particular leads us this way.

Let Charlie be a manipulator who flutters her eyelashes and puts on a sad face to sway others, it's not like they haven't already made her more infantile. Why not commit more to her being a bit of a brat?

Lucifer and Charlie's different stance on the sinners was very short lived. Charlie got what she asked for and wasn't setting out to change daddy's mind, so much so that his involvement in all this wasn't even acknowledged. She's supposed to pitch to different people who are in different places and win them over, daddy would have been a good start to atleast try with, we could have seen how she tackles a lost cause of an ally.

We didn't see how she got her 'team' on board, but we did learn early on that she bribed Angeldust, we go on to learn that Husk and Nifty are tied in with Alastor who chooses to work with Charlie but has some ulterior motive, Cherrybomb who we get for a minute is Angel's friend and Vaggie had just been thrown away and picked up by Charlie.

We literally had two outsider characters engage with the hotel and barely with Charlie. Sir Pentious who stuck around but has since checked out and moved on to bigger and better things, all thanks to Charlie's enemy (who ironically succeeded at doing her dream job) and Mimzy who bought us valuable information and could bring us a lot more, but she's not welcome anymore, Charlie wasn't the one to banish her, she didn't see her worth at all, nor that of the unknown sinners Alastor wiped out.

Where is her outreach?

Community exists and others are thriving.

Why isn't this singing, dancing, out of touch clown out in the community like anyone else selling their cause?

Why isn't she upselling the business and all it has to offer on the regular like she supposedly did before we met her?

She can still be 'nice', showy and stubborn, all traits of being PRIDEFUL.

#hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel criticism

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unhingedoveractivemuse · 1 month ago

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Flufftober Day 4: Market Days

Eddie loves market days, especially when the weather is as pleasant as it is now. He gets to enjoy the weather, run errands, and not feel like he's lazing off.

Besides, Buck loves market days, and Eddie loves doing the things that Buck loves.

He smiles as he watches Buck charm a lady who's selling homemade jam, thinking about how far they've come. Somehow, through Buck's initial jealousy, Buck stepping up as a co-parent, lawsuits, life-threatening emergencies, their handful of partners, and figuring themselves out through trial and error and therapy, they made it to where they're meant to be.

They've wasted a lot of time, but maybe that was all needed for them to be as solid as they are now. they both had to grow more confident about themselves. They both had to grow and settle into their own skin.

Heck, Eddie can't even count how much he has changed since that faithful day when he accepted Bobby's invitation to join the 118. Back then, if someone had told him he'd fall in love with his male best friend, he would have scoffed and said they were crazy. Back then, he still hadn't dealt with his PTSD. Back then, he was still hung up on Shannon.

He was fragile then. They both were.

If he and Buck had somehow gotten together before the lawsuit, the lawsuit might have broken them apart as tremulous and emotional as everything was. If they had gotten together before Eddie figured out his PTSD, things might have fallen apart when he started to fall apart.

They had to grow stronger as individuals to be stronger as a unit.

Looking at Buck now, so light and carefree and happy, sunlight shining on him that makes him glow, Eddie thinks they've made it just fine.

“Babe, try this,” Buck coxes, holding out a little spoon with an orange jam on it to Eddie's mouth.

He obliges, moaning when the perfect sweetness hits his tongue.

“Good right? I knew you'd like it.”

Warmth blossoms in his chest as he looks at Buck's smug grin. Buck knows everything about Eddie, and he still hasn't left, hasn't ran.

It's that thought that has him saying, “You know what I'd also like?”

“What?”

He reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out the ring that's been nestled in there for weeks. He was only waiting for the right moment.

This is it.

Eddie sinks onto one knee, holding out the ring to a gobsmacked Buck. “Evan Buckley, I can't put into words how much you mean to me. From the first day I met you, my life has changed for the better. We've been through a lot together, and we've both changed. But your place in my life hasn't. You’re the best partner and best friend I could ask for. You have given me everything I wanted in a partner and more, and you have been with me every step of the way until I can stand here today and say this is me, this is who I am. We have grown so much since we first met, and I want to grow with you for the rest of my life. So, will you marry me?”

Tears stream down Buck's face, and every millisecond that passes has Eddie wanting to pass out with nerves.

But then…

“Yes. Absolutely yes, Eds.”

Eddie loves market days, especially when the weather is as pleasant as it is now. He gets to enjoy the weather, run errands, and not feel like he's lazing off.

And now, as he slides the engagement ring onto his fiance's finger on a cool Saturday morning, surrounded by the smells and sounds of the market with people cheering for them, he's got one more reason to love market days.

It’s where the beginning of the rest of his life starts.

#flufftober2024 #flufftober #buddie #ao3 fanfic #9 1 1 fanfiction #911 fanfic #eddie diaz #evan buckley

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tiannasfanfic · 1 year ago

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GossipWeb

Eddie Munson x Reader (Angst)

| Eddie Munson & Steddie Masterlist |

Summary: If you want to stay up to date on celebrity gossip, GossipWeb is the site to subscribe to! Monday’s Weekend Roundup for July 17 has an update on Corroded Coffin, and you should totally check it out!

Author Note: Modern Rockstar!Eddie AU. Reader not mentioned in this first part, but will be in future installments so I went ahead and labeled it as an x Reader fic. Written in the style of a gossip column.

CW: Mentions of divorce; mentions of alcoholism and drug addiction; mention of a fistfight.

(The following is an excerpt from the July 17, 2023 edition of The Weekend Roundup, a gossip column posted every Monday afternoon on GossipWeb.com and the GossipWeb app.)

Wedding bells are in the air for model Chrissy Munson and nature photographer David Greggs. The pair have officially announced their engagement on Sunday via social media, confirming recent rumors.

The happy couple shared the news on their respective Instagram accounts, showing photos of the two happily embracing on a beach at sunset. In one, Munson is holding out her hand to show off the huge sapphire and diamond engagement ring now sitting on her finger.

“I said YES!” Munson captioned her photo while Greggs captioned his, “She said YES!”

The pair first made headlines back in 2021, when they were spotted having dinner together just a few weeks after Munson filed for divorce from Corroded Coffin’s frontman, Eddie Munson.

While “Irreconcilable differences” were listed in the official court filing, representatives for both Eddie and Chrissy have declined to comment further on the matter. In the social media post announcing the divorce, Chrissy took a diplomatic path, stating, “Sometimes our plans in life just don’t work out the way we want them to. Unfortunately, this is one of those times. I wish Eddie nothing but the best and wish nothing but happiness for him. While our marriage may be over, he will always hold a special place in my heart.”

But, while her words made it sound like the split was an amicable one, many have their doubts it was that simple.

Rumors had been circulating regarding her ex husband’s hard partying lifestyle for years. Insiders have come forward to provide accounts of escalating drug and alcohol abuse, and extremely irrational and erratic behavior from the rockstar. Shortly after the divorce filing, it was reported to multiple news outlets that an intervention was been staged for Munson just a few days prior to the court filing, but it had failed.

In related news, the former members of Corroded Coffin are continuing to stay busy and are enjoying far more laid back schedules.

Following a highly successful album with their band Fallen Shadows, Jeff Richards and Grant Lee have announced a small, twenty city tour that will occur early next year. While the dates and cities are still to be determined, the two are looking forward to getting back on the road.

“It’s been awhile, but we’re itching to get back out there,” Richards stated in a Facebook post. “There’s nothing like bringing our music out into the world and sharing it in person with the fans.”

But Gareth Emerson hasn’t been so eager to return to the spotlight.

Following a successful stay at the Betty Ford Center, which he entered in December 2019, Emerson says he has done a lot of thinking about his life and who he wants to be, both as a person and an artist.

“The stress I was constantly putting myself under was ultimately my downfall,” he explained in a Facebook post full of self reflection. “And one of the biggest stressors for me was the constant need to promote myself, to sell myself basically. I stopped feeling like a person and started feeling like a piece of meat. In this business, it doesn’t take long before you start getting treated like a machine and you start looking for ways to cope. And, usually, you find yourself coping by turning to drugs. Now I don’t have to just cope because I refuse to put myself back in that stressful position.”

Emerson continues to write and record new music, which he releases on iTunes under his own name. While he’s leaning heavily into experimental sounds, his new style seems to be gravitating towards a blend of classic rock n’ roll, folk and heavy metal. It’s not a combination you would expect to hear from a speed metal drummer, but Emerson clearly has hidden talents he’s only just starting to show the world.

As for the frontman and lead guitarist, Eddie Munson, unfortunately, there’s not much can be said.

The statement from Corroded Coffin announcing their hiatus came in late 2019 just a few days after Munson and Emerson’s very publicized fistfight at the UK Music Video Awards. While he virtually dropped out of the spotlight as a musician in the following months, Munson was frequently in the news due to his excess partying and rowdy behavior.

Then, in 2022, he unexpectedly disappeared from the LA party scene, only to resurface a few months later in his old hometown of Hawkins, Indiana.

Representatives for Munson have declined to comment, so the true reasons for his returning to Hawkins are still unclear. The rocker has yet to make any return trips home to California within the last eighteen months since his departure. This adds credibility to a more recent rumor we reported on last week that Munson is in negotiations to sell his Malibu home to a private seller.

Perhaps the rockstar has finally turned over a new leaf?

Some signs point to yes.

Earlier this year, Gareth Emerson’s wife, actress Kim Simmons-Emerson, sent well wishes to Eddie in a heartfelt Instagram post. She posted an old photo of Munson and Emerson from high school with the caption, “Today marks a new beginning for old friends. We’re so proud of you. We knew you could do it.”

Subscribe to our free newsletter to stay up to date on any new developments!

#eddie munson #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson series #eddie munson au #eddie munson x chrissy cunningham #eddie munson imagines #rockstar!eddie munson

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