#best part of being an artist is drawing shit like this lmao

[backstabber128]

Here's some sketches of a random crack Arcane x God of War + Ragnarok AU bc of these ideas-- (Also bc the Norse mythology style is absolutely awesome 👀)

I couldn't resist imagining what little Vi & Pow would look like as mini gods with their adult tattoos like Atreus. Also me being delusional imagining Warwick protecting them as part of Vander's shape shifting ability--

Also headcanon that Odin/Silco has mind control powers, hence Vi and Powder vs Warwick rip. He tears their family apart even in this AU 🫠

+ Jinx gaining Baldur-like abilities through becoming Silco's daughter

[ultrakill-confessions]

No idea if this goes against the rules, I re-read them a bit to make sure, though I'm not 100% confident. This post isn't intended as a vent, although it may read as one. ULTRAKILL has both helped and warped(?) parts of my life. I have a really horrible fixation on ULTRAKILL. I don't tend to scale things because trying to say "I'm a bigger fan than you are because X, Y and Z!!!1!1!" has always pissed me off and generally rubs me the wrong way. However, for me, I do feel like this is in a similar vein (vein like castle v-), and is GENUINELY to a worrying degree imo. Maybe someone else can relate? Unsure.

For context on some of this, I deal with a dissociative disorder, and I'm a split of V1. Even with that, I can only think of one other instance where it complicated an interest of ours this badly. I think about ULTRAKILL every hour on the hour, I'm not even sure if I go ten minutes w/o thinking about it. And I live a healthy (relatively) life! I'm able to do things, go outside, enjoy life to the best of my ability, hold a job, college, etc. and have gotten better w/ socializing (autism really messes w/ this one); I am just fucking insane about ULTRAKILL. This shit consumes a large chunk of my frontal lobe, hand to God. I constantly plan out and/or make fanfictions (though never post em because being an ao3 author is a little spooky, can't lie gehshe), drawings, animations. Dawg I even get GYM MOTIVATION from ULTRAKILL. Body goals? THE MACHINE. I listen to the soundtrack while I work out (my bias to Order, Death of God's Will, Colliding Stars and The Abyss and the Serpent really poke out here). In fact, ULTRAKILL even helped with my gender and sexual (not inherently trying to be NSFW here) identities! Legitimately made me come to the realization that we might align more with being agender than transmasculine, and that we have no idea what our disaster of a sexuality is collectively, so we just say queer! And even though it's still hard to express ourselves, that has helped so much in feeling more .. at comfort? Correct? I dunno. There’s also a lack of need for labels at all now. It feels so fuckin’ goofy to say this because it HAS consumed a part of my life to the point where I feel like I'm peak brain-rotting at times, however it's also really helped, too?? Like in the most oxymoronic way ULTRAKILL has helped me develop as a person. The imaginary scenarios and art I use aids me in my expression and thought and even brings out more of my creativity. Ironically, despite not really wanting to be perceived as a human being, it has made me feel more like a person. I have a love-hate relationship with it only for the intensity of how much I adore it. It makes me upset when I no longer feel like I’m “me” enough, and yet ironically it has helped me to be healthier in other areas. lowkey use it to cope w/ the religious trauma sometimes too haha I will say, though, for a while I thought (and still sometimes do think) it was ruining my mental state. The identity issues, artist envy, missing my source/individuals from it (+ pseudo-memories and heavy dissociation as a whole if I'm being real), and general hyperfixation woes get very heavy at times. Interest so bad I have to look away sometimes when I see voice actor work, SFM's, etc. Not very proud of that. I never express these issues heavily to anybody except my sibling and a few close friends, simply due to the nature of people, especially on the internet, along with the complexity of having to explain an illness that is so severely stigmatized. My current issue is just holding back from spending my money on merch lmao (I may just draw myself with it to cope /hj). I am cringe and I will soon be free! Apologies if this post is depressing and/or repetitive. uhh, I've seen some anons name themselves, so camaraderie anon here?? LOL sorry. (p.s shoutout to the sisyphus likers and people who hate his mischaracterization YOU ARE THE REAL ONES!!!)

-

[feyres-divorce-lawyer]

I'm late to the party and just catching up but can you IMAGINE if someone pulled up to Feysand week and started shading artists for UTM art or something? "Hmmm seems distasteful to depict Rhys abusing Feyre :))" I mean he did, obviously, but they would scream and shit their pants if someone did something like that to them

i’m actually cackling this was the best thing to wake up to. lmao the chaos that would ensue, cuz like fr two can play this game.

set scene the prompt is love, an artist submits a drawing of them utm saying he did all that cuz he loved her or something, enter stage right me vaguing their art like “ah yes drawing a victim being forced to dance under her abuser’s will is the best way to depict love.” end scene. <- so that’s insane. i would probably think that about the art but i would also bitch and moan about it to my mutuals in our private messages because i do not know that artist personally and all they were doing was sharing their interpretation of a fandom week prompt, a fandom i’m not even part of at that. given my filters, the post never would’ve even crossed my dash, and even if it did, i can scroll away you know like a normal oerson

[kooki914]

Which part of the Undertale/Deltarune fandom do you just hate?

Part of me doesn't want to spread hate in an already divisive community, and a different part of me loves complaining. So, readmore added for the sake of a "warning" aka if you don't want to read my entitled whining just scroll past this.

TL;DR: petty bullshit that's hardly even relevant anymore.

I kinda see the Undertale and Deltarune fandoms as two separate entities at this point. From the original Undertale fandom, what it was all the way back when the game first came out and before Deltarune was a thing, god I hated the moral policing. "You can't do this" or "you have to do that" and the fact that something as small as Drawing A Character In A Dress caused an artist to nearly get chased off of tumblr? Fucking insanity. And the constant character assassinations? What they did to Asgore? What they did to SANS? If I ever get started talking about all my gripes with that old fandom I'd never stop.

For the Deltarune fandom though, at least what it is now, god I hate the hype. I'm not subscribed to the newsletters because I hate the general culture around waiting with baited breath for new breadcrumbs, as that just manifests as Dread for me rather than positivity. Like if I start thinking too hard about Deltarune's potential release dates I start biting people's heads off. (No offense Salt lmao) It sucks because even when I DO get somewhat excited (like I did with the latest newsletter) it's immediately followed by the fandom running everything from the newsletter down into the ground, which... on the one hand is understandable because we're all starved for UT/DR content but on the OTHER hand it really feels like we all need a new hobby, like collectively. I'm happy for you if this brings YOU joy but personally I'm a little tired of seeing the 1000th artist interpretation of yet another scene that's literally best conveyed through text.

Also if I can be EXTRA petty, I dislike a lot of "making my own tenna" or "my own deltaswap" things rattling around in the fandom right now. This is entirely Being A Whiny Little Baby™ syndrome from me because I do the EXACT same shit, I just don't have anything good enough to post don't follow fandom trends when it comes to that sort of thing. You know that meme about two wolves inside a person? One of my wolves is like "cringe is dead and this is a harmless creative activity that gets people together and talking about things they love therefore its Good™" and the other wolf is like snarling and barking like "but it doesn't appeal to MEEEE" Like if I see one more TVhead Tenna I'm actually blacklisting his tag. If I see one more deltaswap that entirely misses the mark on what I like in role-swaps I'm gonna start killing.

So, yeah, I guess I just hate things that feel like they're outside of my control/don't appeal to my extremely hipster contrarian tastes. Aka petty bullshit no one cares about go figure

[celestie0]

Hii! This is my first time messaging any fanfic author (I'm an extremely anxious person and tend to be more of a lurker LOL) I'm so sorry but this might be a long one lmfao

First of all, the way you write in general? Absolutely phenomenal!! The way you characterise and describe scenes is honestly so incredibly immersing. I've always had a relatively easy time imagining scenes in my head when reading, even with relatively little detail, but the way you word everything puts the scene straight into my head and it's such a wonderful experience!

Your characterisation of Gojo (in all your works!!) is probably my absolute favourite out of any fanfics I've read of him (trust me I've read an embarrassing amount :sob:). The way you actually capture what he feels like in canon, without making him feel super mean or cold, but still retaining that side of being emotionally repressed is absolutely chefs kiss!!

I also really love y/n in both kickoff and ihm so much. I relate to both of them in different ways, but probably more so ihm reader personality wise (might also be because I'm around the same age as her lmao). As someone who is very emotionally repressed due to trauma (especially of loved ones leaving you), the way you've portrayed those sides of reader in ihm is VERY spot on!! And I would like to add that I, for one, LOVE slow burn, so I don't mind the pace ihm is going at right now personally!

Chapter 12 of Kickoff?!?!? Holy shit I was literally sat there blushing, kicking my feet and giggling. It was absolutely hilarious and super cliché in the absolutely best way possible (I absolutely love clichés if they're well used!)

I could honestly wait years for anything you write. Never feel any pressure to churn out your writing and take it at your own pace!! My genuine first thought after finishing the latest chapter of Kickoff was that it was sooo worth the wait haha.

Personally I have an extremely hard time writing anything but angst, because I like making myself sad I guess who knows LOL But I'm sooo excited about your next work!! I absolutely love the song you're basing it off of <3

AND did I also see some talk about a potential Spider-man Gojo fic in the future??? Cos I would honestly probably scream (in a good way lol) if you ever did that, he's my alltime favourite superhero!!

Okok this is getting really long, but I found this photo of four football players a bit ago and thought I absolutely HAD to draw them as Gojo, Geto, Choso and Nanami from Kickoff (adding the art at the bottom)! But I haven't gotten around to colouring it yet (or cleaning it up considering it's just a sketch lmaoo) cos I'm stuck on how to do the jerseys. So I have two questions! I know you've explained the colours of their jerseys, but do you have any particular idea in mind of what the design on the jersey itself looks like? As in where the colours are placed specifically etc? And we know Gojo's signature jersey number, but do you have numbers for the rest of them too? (I may or may not also have a wip of a drawing of just Gojo from Kickoff too!)

I'm sorry there's A LOT of different plot points in my message??? The most important part was just to convey, hey, I love the way you write and you should definitely give yourself some more credit cos you are genuinely a really good writer!! <3 (Though I know us artists tend to be our own worst critics LOL)

hi love i’m so sorry this took me a sec to respond to!! first off thanks you so much for sending me such a sweet ask :’’’) i literally gaspeddd when i saw it

aaa i’m so happy the scenes feel immersive!! and that you enjoy my characterization of gojo aaa i’m so happy to hear that. and yes i totally relate to ihm reader’s suppression of her emotions due to trauma and lack of trust so it’s been very…cathartic yet challenging to write for her, but i wouldn’t have it any other way hahah

i’m so glad you enjoyed kickoff ch12!! i totally agree that chapter was so cliche, honestly it made me cringe while i was writing it because i typically hate cliches esp when they’re corny rather than on-the-nose, but i posted it anyways bc i figured maybe i just hate it bc i’m the author xd but it seems my readers enjoyed it so :’’0 perhaps i made the right choice

oh you are too kind. i really appreciate you looking out for me <3 tbh i’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and it’s been really hard to deal with the emotions, but coming on here and seeing sweet works n ppl interacting w my stories brings me lots of happiness n i can’t thank you enough :’’) yes i will definitely take my time bahahha that i can assure you LOL and i’m so happy to know you’re looking forward to more of my works!! you’re so right about artists/authors being our own worst critics. i swear no one has been as mean to my writing as i have LMFAOOO but alas i think i’ve gotten better in trusting my direction n kinda choosing what i think is best soooo. progress i suppose? hahah

ok. now. i can talk about. THE ART?!?!?!?!? HELLO!!!!!!! OH MY GODD?!?!!?!?! ok i KNOWWW that’s it’s just a sketch so far but tell me whERE MY PANTIES HAVE GONE?!?!?!? WHERE MY CLOTHES ARE AT?!?!??!

the expression on kickoff gojo’s face has me reeling he looks so focused n sexy and THE HEADBAND PUSHING HIS HAIR UP OUT OF HIS FACE YES YES YES 100% THAT’S HOW I PICTURE IT WHEN I WRITE AAA and kickoff geto’s expression too pls i could cum (sorry i hope this isn’t weird to say lmfaooo i am also very respectfully looking at your artwork as well aaa) nanami’s hair looks so nice too

as for the uniforms hmm i know i said like gold and blue colors, i believe actual real-life UTOKYO has more of a yellowish color but i actually like gold better hence why i chose gold. but…i can imagine the whole jersey being blue and then with gold accents then white numbering?

here are some options!! like w the first one, probs sky blue fabric with the white stripes as gold instead, and then the numbers/brand sponsors or whatever are in white? they would probs have like “UTOKYO” in large print somewhere too, maybe underneath their numbers or sumn. tbh i think the middle one is the nicest, i can picture the stripes of blue and gold, and then accents in white. but the third one also works too!!

as for numbers hmm. ok yes gojo is #10, geto is #7, choso is #4 and nanami is #24 :0 that sounds…about right! LOL i hope i don’t have it somewhere in the other chapters that they are different numbers although i don’t think i’ve assigned the other boys numbers before

BUT I HOPE THIS HELPS AND THANKS SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH FOR DRAWING FANART INSPIRED BY MY FIC!!!! I AM SO HUMBLED BY YOU AND I’M SOOOO EXCITED TO SEE THE FINAL DRAWING BUT ALSO NO PRESSURE AAAAAAAA

so much loveee <333

[daphwritesworld]

sorry mate i have to vent this to someone but no one that i know listen to me and invalidate my feelings, idk what is wrong with me

i draw, a lot in fact, but lately i have a huge art block at the point that i feel like i cant draw anymore, literally it’s terrible i didn’t sleep tonight for this, i tried and tried and tried to do something, but it all came wrong and ugly in my eyes, it’s like i don’t know who i am anymore, my art style feel empty, i can’t draw like i did before summer, i feel like i’m going downwards, i tried to ask to my friend that also draws some help but they just dismiss me, and my family that doesn’t really get it keep saying “what do you mean, ur still good” but i feel like everything i do is empty and horrible 😭

my god i live for drawing i can’t do it anymore, i’ll keep trying but damn this shit is tiring

i’m so sorry. i know exactly how you feel. well not exactly, but with writing i get it. i suck at art. like really really badly. i’d show you my highschool art projects from school, but id rather not embarrass myself LMAO. but i understand being so good at something and then struggling with making anything up to par with what you know you’re capable of. that’s how i was with poetry. i love poetry and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, but i can’t write it anymore. i’m not as good as i was a year ago— hell not even a few months ago. so after i wallowed about for a while, i started getting inspiration for long form content again. which i haven’t written in years before now lol. so i practiced and then after a couple months i posted on here. i still don’t think my work is as good as it use to be, but im slowly getting comfortable and building my confidence back. so this could be super shitty advice and ignore it— but maybe try switching up styles? play around and experiment with things you might not of thought to before. maybe go back to the basics and just practice those until you feel completely comfortable again. artists of all kinds burn out and need change all the time. i’m not saying that’s what you need or is happening at all!! i just know it was the last thing i ever thought id wanted to do, but now I’ve found the best community i could ask for! and i’ve found an even bigger passion for writing then i ever did before. so while i can’t give you actual tips on drawing because my art skills makes van gogh roll in his grave— i can give my advice from a writers perspective. idk if that helped at all, but i am so sorry about this. i felt like my world was ending when i couldn’t write good poems. like the one thing that made me— me…was gone. i had a literal identity crisis for a while. (the breakup did not help that was happening at the same time lmao.) but just know i’m rooting for you. trying is always better than giving up. hard times are a part of life— set backs too. we just have to be strong enough to push through them. and if you ever need anything i’m always here to listen. sorry if this is long and you just needed someone to listen to and did not want a response lol. i just felt a personal connection to it is all, and i wanted you to know that i believe in you and your art 🩷

[krysmcscience]

Get ready for Amogus Spam!!!

Characters belong to @crinklytinfoil - I just came up with the designs and outfits~ All appearance details are taken directly from either the fics themselves (which, as always, approach with caution and MIND THE TAGS) or the comments sections of said fics, though I have also relentlessly poked Crinkle IRL for additional details, such as each character's name and individual fashion sense...or lack thereof (Finnegan) XD

(If you want to read the fics, keep in mind that you will need to be signed in to an Ao3 account first! And again - MIND THE TAGS! Shit gets dark FAST.)

The Skeld bois! The fucked up crew that started it all~ Only like five actual decent human beings on this crew, and all but one of them fukken DIED, lmao. (Congrats on surviving, Devon, you used to be Kind Of An Asshole but you got better. XD) Clark is such an Obvious Dad - it's why he had to die first, he was the only thing keeping shit together, True Facts, sorry you had to find out this way. <:/ Adam is so Fishing, I bet he fantasizes about having a trout boyfriend girlfriend in his spare time. :) Brown is Babby (stabby-babby), but we all knew that already. And then there's wannabe High Class Fuckboi Purple and his emo "boyfriend", yaaaay, can't wait to find out how Purple dies or anything like that, noooo... All that aside, White's outfit makes me want to die inside, why would anyone want to mix hippie and ouji lolita aesthetics??? White, please, no, even your fashion sense is torturous! D:>

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

Corpatch babbies! Everyone on this crew is certified Babby. (Yes, even you, Skylar. Sorry I had to separate you from Pink in the final image, it was too wide and I hated it, please I'm sorry, put the wrench away-) Love that I got to mostly copy-pasta Devon, made my life so much easier after the artistic nightmare that was Stacy's outfit. Fun Fact: That dress is one of over a hundred jellyfish-themed lolita dresses I've designed! This one has a box jellyfish on it, along with other pretty deadly sea creatures, and is called 'Killer Cuties'~ Wilhelm gets to have some matchies with his platonic girlfriend as a treat, also (Fun Fact: he absolutely wears those novelty glasses to Serious Events). Skye's outfit upsets me personally but it's not as bad as fucking Finnegan's so they get a pass. Pink is, of course, The Best One, and let it be known that the little leaf pin is a reference to Bay~

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

Doncaster folks! Such a long image...I blame Vance. Because I always blame things on Vance for some reason. It's just fun, okay? And also I'm bitter about how long it took to draw his damn Bobblehead mech. Him and Aurora both took what felt like a million years to finish, so now Vance has given me additional Drawing Wires trauma, and Aurora somehow seems Too Expensive for me to afford looking at her. Obviously the best part of all of this was everyone's favorite polycule of Brown, Green, and Red (I dare you to suggest they are not Precious), but I also enjoyed trying to come up with an outfit for Umber that screamed 'I think I'm the main character'. XD (If anyone can guess what's supposed to be on Black's shirt, meanwhile, they get a Gold Star!)

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

And, as a bonus, a goofy scribble comic of the Doncaster AU, which I threw at Crinkle after initially requesting (read: attempting to commission) a What If Scenario where Brown never got brought along with White to the Corpatch, and so never met Pink, thus ensuring Brown remained Terrified of impostors. Because my brain wouldn't stop going hog wild over the concept for some reason. 8|

Finally, a WIP of the Parmenides bastards- uh, I mean, Totally Normal Crew of Fine Individuals who are Not At All Terrible. (Apologies to Danni, Marek, and Ashley for getting mixed up in all this, y'all deserved better.) Bet no one was expecting Johnny to be a certified Gamer Catboi, huh? But I bet everyone was expecting Kyle to look like a Born Republican, and possibly Mitch McConnell's estranged half-brother - cuz that's just how the guy is. So Delightful. Also I was totally not salty about having to look at Purple's stupid smug face again while modifying the copypasta of it, No Sir, why would that ever be the case? He's just so great and not the most hateable character ever or anything. (eyerolling intensifies) In other news, Kage's head is way too small and it's driving me crazy but I'll have to fix it later for the finished full-body chibi+bust piece and I'm D Y I N G. Anyway, no icon spoilers for this one - the fic itself is meant to make the readers wonder who the impostors are, so I'm not going to reveal anything on that front.

(Full-size here, in case tumblr fucks it up)

THAT IS ALL

[ulabewriting]

Karter Foreman-McGuire.

he/him.

TW : mention of smoking, bad relationship with parents and coming-out(going good tho)

– Nigerian, adopted in Benin City.

– Capricorn.

– Transgender / AFAB.

– Tattoo artist.

• part of the “don’t give a fuck about being rich” duo. (skyh’s bestie<3)

• rejects every single one of his parent’s “beliefs” and morals.

• will never forgive them for the poor treatment of Liz. (clearly the sibling he’s closest to, jokingly calls her his “favorite”.)

• chillest person you’ve ever met.

• until the topic is his parents. he gets very tense.

• somehow knows everything about everyone. (that means he’s the best to gossip with ;] )

• is insanely scared of love and getting into a relationship. (he freaked out soooo bad when he realized his feelings for you–)

• loves people very deeply though. There are no words to describe the intensity of his feelings for his siblings, friends and you.

• a skater guy. (the cliché one listening to some mean linkin park, yeah, yeah, yeah.)

• loves drawing and painting. he regularly adds little drawings on his skateboard.

• one of the most creative people you’ll ever meet.

• becoming a tattoo artist has always been his dream.

• would go into mind break if you ask him to tattoo you. He’d be so touched and flattered you’d trust him with something such, he could cry.

• doesn’t have any tattoos himself though.

• wears long sleeves all the time, no matter the season and temperature.

• « You ever think about, like, how… . . damn, I forgot what I was saying. . . .Anyway, you hungry ? »

• LOVES to have movie night dates with you. both of you, cuddles, coraline playing in the back. perfection.

• random guy with a random sense of humour. definitely the type to find elaborated jokes unfunny but will be cry-laughing because of a goofy horn noise.

• is into urbex. loves to find and explore the most rannndom, weirrrrd places. it kind of freaks you out sometimes but it makes him happy so oh well. :)

• « I swear ! I found the coolest place; apparently it’s an ancient hospital where patients used to summon evil spirits. We haaaave to go tonight ! Imagine if we hear like… weird laughs and little voices and shit. That’s so sick??? »

• absolutely hates alcohol. grape juice though ? he needs it to function.

• he's the jealous type. (but won't everrrr admit it; he'll pout and whine if you mention it.)

• writes lyrics of his favorite songs on the sole of his shoes.

• Oliver and him, as the « only bros of the pack », love to roleplay as exaggerated dudebros/toxic masculinity fucks from time to time and they always get cut short by Dominic and Liz’ disapproving glares, which only causes them to giggle stupidly and exchange knowing glances. dudebros in their own bubble i guess–

• draws little hearts and stars on your skin. (would definitely color your tattoos if you have some!)

• the funny introvert of the group.

• laughs very easily. he looks scary until he flashes you the whitest, largest, most genuine smile eveR.

• kind of has fangs. cute little fangs. (and he bites to show his love, so yeah, prepare yourself–)

• obsessed with belts. He has a whole collection and it’s quite impressive–

• his love languages ? quality time and acts of service.

• plays guitar.

• calls you ‘precious’.

• it was his dream to join a band when he was in high school.

• sings you sweet lullabies when you can’t sleep – he has a beautiful, soothing voice, so it never takes you long to fall asleep.

• he was scared to death about coming out. Naturally, the first person he confided in was Liz, when he was 17. She had the sweetest, most supportive reaction and it really encouraged him to fully step out of the closet. By the time he was 20, he was out to the whole family, including his parents.

• has a special spot in his heart for Oliver. After all, he’s always been his ‘masculine role model’. (cause it sure as hell wasn’t his father lmao)

• remembers everything about you. even the smallest, ‘stupidest’ details.

• jokes about hating men all the time, and blames everything on them. The dishwasher not working ? Yeah, probably some man's fault. One of Celestia's designer bags missing ? Random dog barking in the streets ? Global warming ? MEN.

• very supportive. He’s the fondest about anything you do; he's always hyping up Mickayla’s brand and still wears her first pieces, he always showed up to Skyh’s plays even though he hates theater…No matter how uninterested he may seem; he deeply cares about what is going on around him and his loved ones.

• only wears silver jewelry, and you won’t ever catch him running around in the streets without a choker on.

• loves matching with you. phone cases, necklaces, bracelets, nail art – anything. anything as long as it's you.

• likes pda. Holding hands, hugging you, squeezing your waist, locking an arm around your shoulders… there’s no way you two go out and his hands are not everywhere on you.

• never smokes when you’re around. (unless you smoke as well, in that case; he will insist to light up your cigarette, it always brings a little smile to his lips when he does it.)

• wears strawberry chapstick 24/7. He can’t live without it.

• draws you all the time. He has lots of random sketches on the corner of his notebooks’ pages and big ass paintings of you hidden under his bed – he’s scared you’d find him too obsessive and creepy if you found out how many of those he has.

• a sucker for cartoons. If you wait for him on his bed, ready to cuddle, an episode of teen titans on the tiny TV in his room, he’ll wrap himself around you like a blanket and never let go–

• reserved, but very vocal about his dislikes. Like if someone says something he has a problem with, he’ll say it. He won’t be rude about it, but he’ll definitely make it crystal clear.

• one of his dreams is to have a matching tattoo with all his siblings. Something discreet and meaningful; a symbol for the unique, disconcerting experience that being a Foreman-McGuire is.

• « You look like a whole ass museum all by yourself, precious. I could look at you forever… and as a matter of fact, I will. »

[katyspersonal]

hello again, i'm the anon from the waifu/blorbo thing just checking in. it was quite surprising to see the ask i made when i was feeling sorta petty would spiral in all that lol

to answer why i stay anon, its because I'm just a "filthy lurker" tbh. im not really sociable or talented enough that i feel like interecting directly in the fandom, and i'd rather avoid the headaches that come from exposing myself to its more annoying parts lol. i understand its different for artists tho, you guys do us a great service

but Holy Shit your situation was quite bonkers. it is kind of funny that i might have helped you out with this apparently lmao. all it took was the right ask at the right time, crazy how that works

best of luck to you and thank you for being based lol. it isn't easy with such persistent haters but i hope you keep it up

Thank YOU for being based, the moment I read what you said I knew EXACTLY what you were talking about! And yes, it is a reliably stable way to piss that person off enough to 'act' by poking the holy dogma of "Maria is a masculine lesbian and everyone with a different interpretation is a bigot" with a stick in any way shape or form. Imagine being easily caught just because you can't stand bisexuals or women that can combine badassery and tenderness?

I'll have you know though, that fanart or fanfics are NOT a "rent" you have to pay to be considered a "valid" part of the fandom! You say you don't feel like you belong here... but you do, as long as you love BB and want to interact with other fans and support them. I am not the most fantastic artist either; my anatomy is still a long way to go and I finish my works very slowly, but it is my passion why I am here! :)

As for the annoying parts of the fandom,...

Honestly, you don't need to worry, at least not on Tumblr. Redditbros tend to stay away in their own circles and all you have to do is to not go on Reddit for sharing things like headcanons, drawings, ships etc. As for the bullies (oh, pardon, the completely civil people that are not encouraging harassment but simply spread "awareness" in order to excile people they dislike from the safe wholesome fandom uwu); they will typically do you a favour if they drop your name as "yiiiikes this person is nasty for [reason] block them girlies!", since this way the fake ones will self-isolate from you as a result and YOU won't see THEIR bad takes! And toxic Maria fans usually function by one 'main' guy vs their simps that got easily influenced. Before the current guy (you know who by now) it was someone else spreading bad takes about "misogynist" Gehrman and "violated masculinity" of Maria, boasting about how they ignore all lore and (mis)translation evidence against their One True interpretation. That person matured though, and the simps they influenced dissolved and became nuanced. The current guy is chronically unable to mature, learn and admit mistakes; but at the same time, popular accounts popularised a "compromise" take that portrays Gehrman as missing the mark but having good intentions that get way more traction and toxicity is overshadowed by them 🤔

What I am saying is, you can avoid annoying parts reliably easily! You probably are seeing like same two people starting controversy every time from your "corner"... and it is BECAUSE there are not that many. They are just loud. If you are in the room with 20 people, 19 of which are adults minding their own business and 1 is a screaming baby, who will you pay more attention to? I'd love to see you make an account, tbh, but if you really don't want to.. Well, still feel free to send me asks, gripes or headcanons or questions or whatnot!

[kafus]

hrmmm le vocaloid ask game... let's go with yukari

LET'S GOOO i wanted to talk about yukari

this isn't related to the ask but i wanted to say i own yukari's hoodie in real life. it's not the highest quality but i got it when i was 14 and it's a precious article of clothing for me. somehow despite being 23 now i still fit in it. i had to talk about this before i started talking about yukari i'm sorry. i can't find a picture of it rn and it's downstairs and i don't wanna get up but let it be knownJSDFKSFD ANYWAYS

favorite song: i died to someone's song/誰かの歌で僕が死ぬ by 36g! it is not the most polished vocaloid song, far from it, and it's rough around the edges but i got really attached to it when i was younger and for some reason it's just never left me. i love its roughness and awkwardness in full (honorable mention to cruel and pure by nejishiki because i am all about that mirror image shit babey!! and dueting two different software voicebanks of the same character is so cool)

ships: this sounds random but hear me out. flower. but specifically flower talk. why you may ask, do i ship flower talk and yukari (the vocaloid). WELL. there's this artist i used to be OBSESSED with (they dont draw vsynth that much anymore but their new art is still great!) and they drew this image of yukari and flower talk and that's it. sold immediately. i have never looked back i would die for them. this image still makes me so emotional FUCK AHHHSDFJfsdk

in childhood i shipped yukari with IA and mayu (sometimes as a poly, sometimes separately) and i still really like those ships too :]

favorite part of design: i genuinely think yukari (her original vocaloid design) has like. one of the best designs out of any vsynth period. there's just something about her man it's so good. obvious choice but my fav part is the hoodie. love the ears lmao

random headcanon: yukari doesn't smile often to the point where it's like. a privilege to have yukari smile around you. she's insecure about it and just naturally doesn't smile often in the first place so if she smiles at something you say or do, she probably really trusts you and is in a Really good mood

[blupengu]

All righty I’ve finished science brofist’s route and that means more rambling! (Seriously though everyone sees his name as that right?? How the hell else am I supposed to pronounce Scien Brofiise??? It sure as hell ain’t how they say it in Japanese! 😂) spoilers under the cut as usual

Hmm… overall while I liked it, I think I’ve been so thoroughly emotionally and mentally broken by Mathis and Lucas that Scien’s route seemed pretty… tame in comparison LOLOL 💀 or maybe I’m still on residual WTFs from Lucas and should’ve waited another day to let it settle oops

The pain meter from these first three to me is Lucas > Mathis > Scien

The ending was definitely still a big oof and a little yikes though 😬. But with how dubious the “science” is in this game, part of me was wondering why Scien couldn’t just make a clone from Ceres’s body and then stick the memories he had into her after? Like people save memory backups of themselves prior to dying so why couldn’t he have saved her memories on whatever constitutes a USB stick in this world lmao

The science in this game in general honestly I just… can’t think about too deeply or it all falls apart LOL, being in like the medieval ages where you still gotta hand wash clothes but then suddenly having shit like electric cars, headset phones, touch-holograms, and perfect cloning with memories but not emotions is such whiplash 😂

The final CG was super pretty though, oof the expression on his face, my poor babygirl 😩 but… why are all the kiss CGs… not super great LOL, is the artist bad at drawing kisses? Because so far they’ve all looked a little uhhhh in each route? 😬😂

I very much appreciate the fact though that Scien’s best CGs are hands down the ones where he’s posing like a lil slut lmaooo, the jigsaw puzzle one?? Bitch he’s practically twirling his hair!! 😂

And his interactions with Ceres were very cute, especially the whole sandwich thing! But when she was like yay I’m so happy I’ve been promoted from maid to a sandwich dispenser! I was like girl… are you okay…?? Well clearly not but still 😂 like dang, never been happier getting told by a man to make me a sandwich lmaooo

Anyways! Back to the route in general - the whole thing of him being an oh no evil science man was so… meh to me? Maybe because I work in the sciences so I have a different view but like, I was perfectly fine with him experimenting on criminals? That’s pretty much what clinical trials are in the real world?? Of course you need to test shit on a few people before giving stuff out to the the general populace??? Why are people upset at this????

It was nice learning a bit more about Salome (though tbh I thought her backstory and relationship to scien would be… more significant LOL). And kinda weird that they left her mumbling when they were in hiding as “…” instead of maybe just quickly forcing the text to go through, because my limited amount of Japanese from anime let me understand the gist of what she was saying and oh. Gives a bit of a different vibe knowing what she said vs it having to be explained

Also, my face when they just decapitated Adolphe but then Ceres TOOK HIS HEAD WITH HER? HONEY NO, GIRL PUT IT BACK HE’S DRIPPING

FUCK THE ROYAL FAMILY, ALL MY HOMIES HATE THE ROYAL FAMILY 🔫🔫 The reservoirs or repertoires or whatever the hell they’re called can eat my ass and die 😂

The way I hollered when Lucas went in and shanked their asses, MY MAN!! … every other time he showed up though was a big aw shit Lucas we’re not in your route anymore go away please!! You’re causing the despair end nooo!!! 😂 very conflicting emotions when I see him now lmao

Same with when I see Jean… like you’re still so pretty and I love you but uhhh, hey Mathis maybe come over this way instead 😬

Side note, kinda sad we didn’t get to see Ankou in the second half of the route…

And finally - I love you Dahut, I was so worried you’d be evil but oh, thank god we have someone that’s just like a good friendly person (I think), you are so pure I love you please show up in every route to ease my fears (Hugo doesn’t count because I’ve still got my eye on him LOL)

Aight I think that’s it! In summary, Scien is this meme:

Literally just look at him

I wish I looked this sexy doing a jigsaw puzzle 😂

[magpiemirroring]

Every time I see someone argue that AI is making art accessible, or making art possible for disabled people or whatever, I'm just....

Well, first: have you talked to any disabled artists? Some of whom were artists before they became disabled? Because I've yet to talk to any who would be content with a machine making art for them. The part folks yearn for is not really the idea magically being on the paper, it's the time spent making the piece. And artists can be very clever and very determined to find a way to make art in spite of any limits their bodies may have.

But really: Why are you so ashamed of being an amateur artist?

Like, I've been putting work into getting good at art since I was in preschool and paused while eating my crayons to consider that it mattered to me how many legs a horse had and I was damn well going to attempt to get it right!

But maybe that's not you. Maybe you haven't found the right art form for you yet. Maybe you haven't been willing or able to throw yourself at the challenge of getting better at any form of art.

There's lots of things I'd like to be good at, but I'm not. I didn't have it in me to throw myself at dance or music. I took music lessons twice in my life. Once with violin through my school, and once private piano lessons with a nice lady who taught piano in her living room. I murdered the violin. I was passable at piano. I wasn't passionate enough about either to practice frequently.

Any hope of dance or sports would have been nixed by my body. I'm flexible in the wrong ways and I have shoddy proprioception, so I would have inevitably torn something or broken something important in the process. And I didn't love either enough to sacrifice my body to them. (I love art like that and I am so careful of my hands and wrists and shoulders and I still have times where I can't make art or I have to make art slowly.) But I love to dance for fun, just for myself.

I'm an amateur chef and baker. I have a bare minimum of skill in sewing. I dabbled in making websites but coding gives me a headache. I love so many kinds of science and still do, but got burned out on trying to get my math to the necessary levels. I love history, but if you ask me to write a proper research paper I will probably cry from academic burnout but I will ramble about history if you give me an opening. I am frankly shite at any sport that involves running and the only sport I ever daydreamed about getting good at was archery. I love playing video games, but I despite the many many hours I have put into some games, I always play on easy mode and have no interest in Getting Good because that's not fun for me. I can't sing, I can't dance, and my acting skills are rusty at best. I used to do whatever theatre I could. I took theatre electives 3 years in a row in school and did summer school one year to make room for theatre. I sang and danced badly as required. I'm naturally shy, but I liked acting. A lot. But I didn't like it as much as I liked drawing and painting and digital art. I didn't want to throw myself into the grind to try to make acting work for me and I decided I didn't even want to devote my time to local theatre. It took so many hours that I would rather spend on art. But I exercise my dormant theatre kid muscles by DMing D&D when I can cram that into my schedule, lmao.

I am bad at so many things that I enjoy doing and I still enjoy doing them. Doing the thing is what's fun and fulfilling.

So when folks claim they need AI so they can make art, I'm kinda flummoxed, but that seems like you're letting the AI do the fun part, the important part, the part where the art is actually made. Do you actually like art? Do you actually want to make art?

Why are you so embarrassed and ashamed of not having professional level skills in something you never put professional level effort into? Look at all those things I'm shit at! There are professionals I can and will pay for if I need a thing professionally done with professional skill. But messing around with food, with learning, with video games, with theatre and improv skills, and making all sorts of things in areas of art and crafting that are not my focus? These are my side projects. My fun times with friends. They don't need to be good, just pleasing to do.

Why do you hold art to a different standard? Why is art all about the finished product's value in someone else's eyes and not the experience you have in making it?

[justfor2am]

ONE LAST ASK .i cant sleep so i finally read the first ssk i sent tsht u answered and i want u to go in2 more depth w the songs n playlists n shit u mentioned in there .this is separate from the other music ask yea 👍 gn for real probs. btw its so sad that my parrot emoji used to be mostly red like whatever the coloring people draw grian w idk names of any birds but owls but they changed it

🦜

^ idk what kind of phone u have but i have android .before my ohone updated he was a lil red guy n now hes GREEN .i had this fucker in my old discord theme thank god i changed it before it changed for me bc this HURTS goddamn i want my red fuckign bird bsck

ok gn 4 rral the whiplash of my music going from stray kids to stevie nicks is enough to make me pass out (do not let my listing of artist names fool u i only know one stevie nicks song n its edge of seventeen .the skz song was sunshine tho Btw)

AOUGH what did they do to my parrot boy.....

i don't know any songs by stevie nicks so tbh you've got me beat either way LMAO OKIE so analysis time uhhhh lemme see the post

It's Never Enough by we are the dirt: this song is thematically about an individual with rapidly declining mental health, seeking out a gruesome end to escape the bottomless emotions associated with a terrible breakup. it's melodramatic, it's way over blown, it's delightfully obscene in its depictions of bodily gore, it's soooooooo scarian.

as far as a fic goes, i would want to lean heavily into the vex cannibalism aspect that's canon to scar, with the setting being third life. a rotted corpse walking around the living with red in his eyes and barely contained inhuman hunger roaring in his ears? held only at bay because of "he" whom is now indebted to that corpse? who pledges him his first life and watches scar fall into insanity and in the end, strikes him down himself, that love which was the only thing keeping scar alive, not enough to save him in the end? sounds like a good hurt/no comfort fic to me.

some lyrics that i think especially apply: "‘Cause if I can't taste your lips just let me taste blood and nothing else." "They'll be with me in life and death and after I take my final breath, they'll crawl in through my rotting flesh and eat away my skin." "He said “don’t trust your eyes they always lie they always lie, only trust what you feel” but I feel you in my dreams and you're next to me and you're never real."

now, actor au!

grian: Don't Assume What You Don't Know by Grace VanderWaal -a song about being blindsided by an industry that promised you riches and fame, only to be cast aside at best, taken advantage of at worst jealousy, jealousy by Olivia Rodrigo -a song about being jealous of people who aren't competing with you, nor are they trying to make you feel inferior, but letting yourself get carried away with self-inflicted negative emotions You Stupid Bitch by girl in red -lightly tsundere grian my beloved. this is what he wants to scream at scar, if only he could admit to himself that he actually cares about him beyond a superficial, physical level.

scar: SCOOP by Lil Nas X feat. Doja Cat -a song about constantly being one step ahead of a ruthless industry that is just waiting for you to fail. Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High by Arctic Monkeys -a part of grian and scar's relationship that i haven't been able to explore yet, but i definitely will be making space for. -in short, grian's deadset on the rules in their "arrangement", but scar's already in love with him. being told that their private meetings are primarily contingent on them hooking up, and nothing more, isn't exactly easy for scar to process. Boyfriend by Dove Cameron -the person he pretends to be: suave, charming, a smooth-talker. while scar is capable of being all those features, in truth he wants to be this person to grian only. he wants to sweep grian off his feet and be able to say that openly.

[rainbowsans]

hii frech!! i just rlly wanna say that i look up to u... a lot. youre such a sweet, genuine person, ur art is absolutely amazing.. and idk man ur just so fuckin cool (not to mention u dont take shit from anyone, my infp ass could never lmao)

like srsly the best part of my day is seeing youve posted some art. ur so talented!! ur style gives me such good vibes idk how to even describe it.

alsoo i saw how a bit ago u got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and adhd, and i have both, actually, so it felt kinda nice to be able to relate to someone i think is cool hehe :3

anyways im sure having a random 15 yr tell you how rad and awesome u are is prolly kinda weird(?) so im gonna get outta ur hair now lolziez :))

love yah <3

(oh yah also im so proud of u for coming out as a he/him lesbian!! thats so sick!!)

trying not to cry real tears (I would like to think I take not shit but in reality I am an egg, I know I ain’t no pushover anymore qwq)

but um thanks;;;: I hope that you also get the same help and treatment I am getting with my bipolar disorder and ADHD and many other things....it’s a long recovery and I spent YEARS until now, me being 23 now learning I have it....it’s.....it’s gonna be hard, but I know I can heal and I believe you can too! sorry if this sounds weird haha but I just want you to know that we may have the same diagnosis kinda but we can work on it and get better!

It’s so.....baffling that I have people who look up to me as a person or content creator, I don’t feel like I change anyone’s lives or make a difference. I’m just a lad who likes to draw and share it on the internet so they can get a laugh or feel happy! I’m glad that my content brings you joy and happiness because that’s what I strive for as an artist! Bringing joy and laughs to others

You’re okay honest! Thanks for these kind words, I hope you’re living your absolute best life and I wish nothing but the absolute best and happiness for you and everyone who reads this! Thanks for following and supporting my work, without you guys I wouldn’t be here with y’all today <3 thanks for just being a fan

(Also thank you!!!!!)

[awhst-alt]

I HAD THE BEST BYLER DREAM LAST NIGHT AND I REALLY WANNA SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL

it's so long (literally 2k words) so im gonna put it under the cut haha <3

so basically this would take place after mike and will start dating or something, idk exactly the time frame (i picture them being like 18 or something and this is the summer before college) and will goes to this summer arts program for like 2/3 months (i dunno how long american summer is but something like that) and its all the way far from home so there is dorms and stuff and he's "not in hawkins anymore" (no pun intended)

mike and will decide after will finishes his school they'd go to college together (cuz they're gonna be comic book artists together bc thats boyfriend shit) so throughout these months he's practically just waiting for will (<333333)

so one specific scene i remember from my dream involved will and mike getting off the bus to the school and then they hug and then mike grabs wills hand and brings him behind the bus and then he gives will a biggg kiss bc he won't be able to kiss him for 3 months. then they say they love each other and will gives him another quick kiss and is like "two kisses". they agree they'd call each other every day.

so will goes inside and mike goes back on the bus and goes home.

and basically the whole day is a whirl, until the end of it, in which mike is sitting in the kitchen near the phone waiting for like 3 hours for will to call, and will doesn't end up calling.

AND THEN IT GETS SPICYYYYY

so meanwhile at the arts program will asks like the front desk or something if he can call mike and they say phone is offlimits and they don't let him call mike

so then will goes to sleep and he's paranoid that he thinks mike is gonna hate him or something like that

mk than the next day in class there is this girl (they didn't reveal her name in the dream, ill call her stella) so stella is basically looking at will the entire class but will doesn't know it

so when they exit the class stella's like "hi" and will says "hi"

then stella says "i like your painting."

will is like rlly weirded out so he goes "thanks?"

"i um- hope this doesn't sound weird but i have no friends, do you want to be mine?"

"sure"

and then end of scene (this does not sound like a normal conversation but it's my dream so it doesn't have to make sense"

so BACK AT HAWKINS mike is still sleeping even tho it's like 3 pm because yk depressed boyfriend shit but then the PHONE RINGS and mike gets out of bed frantically and goes to the phone and he picks it up and is like "will?" and then it answers "it's el, idiot"

i feel like this is important for context but el speaks english very well now and hoppers back and she lives with hopper and not the byers anymore. ANYWAYS

el says "how's will?"

mike says "idk he didn't call"

"he didn't?"

"no, he didn't"

"okay. well maybe he will call later"

"yeah mb"

"wanna come over"

"ok"

so mike hangs up and gets changed and goes to el's house bc they r a couple o' besties and when he gets there it's like a therapy sessions bc mike usally talks to will every single day and he can't for like 3 months (unless will calls, but he's not going to) so he accepts he's gonna be depressed for 3 months and he's just talking to el about how he's gonna miss him so much and no be able to see his face and that shit

so el's like "well do u wanna do something to take ur mind off of him"

and mike's like "no im not gonna replace will" (I SCREAMED IN MY DREAM SRSLY)

but than el says "okay. guess im gonna go to the mall by myself" (ig starcourt is rebuilt by now)

and than mike bolts up and is like "fine"

"we can by something for will"

"okay yay"

so then they go to starcourt yasss!!

anyways back at the art school will is having lunch and stella is with he friends (even tho she said she doesn't have any friends) and one of her friends is like "omg did you see _____ he's so hot"

and another friend says "YESS! but ____ is cuter"

"what abt u stella? who do u have ur eyes on"

she says "byers" BUT NOOOOOOO WILL IS MIKES MAN

and they say "ew that kid who came back to life"

she says "yea. but he's cute, and shy, and once i wrap them around my finger i can get them to do anything"

so then she goes to sit down next to will at lunch

"hi will"

"hi"

"hru"

"im good"

"okay. good." and she gets upset because will goes ask how she is but she keeps her urging rage inside. and than they have this weird conversation and will is uncomfortable the whole time bc shes all like flirting with him and will is seeing someone obvi

but then she puts a hand on will's shoulder and he's shaking and then says something (idk what it is it wasn't explaining in my dream) then will stands up and runs to the bathroom. so he's just sitting in the stalls crying.

okay back at starcourt this part wasn't shown in my dream but im just gonna make up that mike and el go looking around starcourt for something for will (sort of like the mike/lucas/will montage where they were looking for stuff for el) and then i guess they find something for will and i don't have the slightest idea what they could have got for him BUT THEY GOT HIM SOMETHING GOOD

so mike's all happy but they'res still that depression inside of him lol

so fast forward a week, it really isn't explained but ill just make up that will still hasn't called mike, and he's super sad and all sleeping in but decides to look through his good ol binder full of will's drawings and in the arts school will and stella have a few more interactions im sure which are still very uncomfortable

okay so it's lunch again in the cafeteria and somehow will and stella are talking again but somehow it ends in stella kissing will and will like pulls away immediatley and is like "what is wrong with you!?"

and she says "what?"

"i'm seeing someone!"

"oh i uh- i didn't know."

the whole cafeteria is staring at them

so will's freaking out almost on the verge of a panic attack "idk what to do, he's gonna hate me and-"

"he?"

will has the look on his face like shit shit shit oh fuck no

"you're gay?"

"i-"

and will runs off once again. and everyone in the whole cafeteria knows that he's day and ofc with everybody being homophobic will knows it's not good at all bc everyone's gonna bully him

so then the next day he goes to class and the teacher is like "does anyone care to tell me where ___ is?" (it would be like a math question like 'where x is' but in art idkkk) and then the teacher calls on "will? can you tell me where ___ is?" and they'res a pause and then the teacher says "or perhaps you'd want to find your boyfriend instead?" (giving me anne with an e vibes prolly cuz i did a rewatch last weekend but i won't explain more in case some people haven't watched it but) anyways will stands up from his seat, everyone is looking at him, and he's shaking and so concerned but then he goes "fuck. you" badass will yeaaaa thats my boy

so then he runs out of the classroom and out of the school in a really cool montage way but then he realizes he's like 2 hours away from home but he runs and runs and he goes to a random bustop (it's not even garanteed if it takes him to hawkins but whatever) he gets on and tries to go back to hawkins.

and soon enough, he gets there, and immediatley goes to the wheelers because he needs to see mike and apologize for everything. so he's at the wheelers, and rings the doorbell, realizing he's still in his uniform lol but karen answers and mike is upstairs in his room sulking (i picture it would be 8 pm by now) so will asks for mike and karen calls mike. mike groans obviously because he doesn't know it's his boy, but he comes down, karen gets out of the way and as soon as he sees will they have a really big hug and it's super sweet and my heart UFHEIOSKA

mike says his usual "are you okay?" and mike is still confused as shit but will says "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry" and mike says "you don't have to be sorry for anyrhing" but will says "ill explain"

so then they go to will's room, side-by-side on his bed and will starts explaining everything

(this is mostly improvised by me but it's still pretty similar to the dream)

"i hated it."

"the school?"

"yeah. there was no you, (mike blushes lmao), everything was terrible, i felt so lonely, they didn't let me call you-"

"what?"

"they said the phone was off limits. i wanted to talk to you so bad and i thought you'd hate me"

"i could never hate you, will, even if i tried." will smiles

"and then there was this girl, and she hit on me and i didn't know what to do bc i'd be the face of the school if i told her i was dating you and was gay and today she kissed me"

"WHAT"

"im sorry im sorry i didn't kiss back and i was so scared bc i never was in a relationship before and i was so scared it was considered cheating-"

and mike LAUGHSS

"what? mike? what's wrong?"

"if you don't do anything back, it's not considerd 'cheating'"

"oh. good. are you mad at me?"

"what? no! no never!" so mike opens his arms and says "come here" so will and mike hug or something like that and then mike says "do you need me to beat her up?"

and will says "you can't even beat eggs. besides, your noodle arms wouldn't be able to do harm to even a fly"

so mike laughs and says "i'm glad your home"

so will blurts "i cursed out a teacher"

"you? cursing?"

"yes."

"might have to start calling you a bad boy now"

will just smiles and says "i love you"

and mike says "i love you too"

AND THEN END AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF BC I LOVE THIS DREAM LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BRAIN THOUGHT OF THIS BUT IM OBSESSED

ALSO ONCE I FINISH WYBMFFAE ILL PROBABLY WRITE THIS INTO A FULL BLOWN FIC BUT AHIHFUSAH

edit: i have no idea what mike did with the present him and el bought for will but i guess they ended up giving it to him lol

[mik-mania]

i think also. letting go of my dream of like, going to art school/having an art career/getting an art degree helped in the long run.

theres such a huge difference between having fun for yourself and like, the actual industry (always wanted to go into animation specifically). ive destroyed a lot of my body over the past decade working hard jobs, and i cant really imagine putting my wrist thru all of that. (actually, im realizing that a part of why i didnt draw much at all this past year is because i had/have horrible tendonitis and its taken a long time to recover. so its kind of good that my job i had for ~2 years didnt require any tedious wrist-work.)

letting go of that was pretty crushing at first tho. as far back as i can remember, being an artist and a writer was what defined me. and it felt like i was letting a part of myself go. i always wanted to go to ringling or scad--i actually got accepted into scad and got a scholarship, but a 10k scholarship is hardly anything against 60k in yearly tuition; i also got accepted into ringling, but only into the illustration program, not the animation program.

i felt like i had it all planned out. so it was hard letting that go, and for a bit i genuinely just didnt know what i was going to do with myself.

i personally feel like the universe has a way of guiding you if you keep an open mind. but kind of in a bastardous way, where things only happen when they need to, and its never clear if or when something is happening for a reason.

i accepted my last job because i was desperate and had kind of a shit resume at the time (id had a good track record, left party city where id been for a year to work at the funeral home, only to get laid off less than half a year later the day before i was supposed to start mortuary school; employers looked at that and only saw a job hopper).

it took me a lot of places ive never been, doing a lot of grueling cleanup (army-crawling through sewage in a ~1000 ft literal crawlspace is up there). it also took me to UW Madison, where we (on like, three separate occasions lmao) had to do cleanup in the engineering department. so, i saw a lot of genuinely interesting behind-the-scenes. and it got me thinking.

well, a year later, i just got thru my first semester of engineer school. i left behind my other job (it had served its purpose), and ive had. a lot of free time. (sorta-kinda. midterms were brutal.) a lot of time to rest and kind of just, like... be.

bills are always stressful ofc. but lately, combined w/ my job at school, ive actually been paying bills with my own art? which is amazing and, honestly a dream lol.

its kind of funny that i wouldnt be here if i hadnt like, let go of that dream. i think i was dealing with a lot of artblock and burnout because ever since high school, itd been drilled into me that as an art student, everything u make must be an example for potential customers/employers. everything must be original with the purpose of being presentable in an art portfolio.

and tbh that sucked a lot of joy out of art and writing for me. everything i made had to be part of a portfolio. everything i made had to somehow have the potential to be capitalized. it also was a huge mental drain, because art had always been a way for me to like, cope with shit (never realized this until later though--like 18 or 19). it became a chore.

and it also sucked because like... id grown up always being the best artist i knew (in school, at least). so i had a pretty inflated ego lol and when i actually started going for an art degree, it was crushing that 1) i was Not hot shit--i was barely cold diarrhea. and 2) (later on, post-associates) i really didnt fit in with the fine arts crowd.

ive gone thru a lot of mental shit, which i think has taken a huge toll on my memory, and there was definitely a bit of snark and giggling when i couldnt remember the name of some fuckin monet painting that someones art reminded me of. (mostly from the teacher--my classmates were pretty kind to me, thinking back, but the snark from my professor made it feel more widespread. she was one of those 'anime isnt real art' kind of people)

but like. yesterday for the first time in years, i was reading like. actual fanfiction lol. (i dont really count ftc fic as fanfiction cus, idk, its all pretty original to me). just some pretty self-indulgent mass effect fic. it brought me back to when i was 10, obsessing over meta knight and desperately google searching for more information on the guy, before i found 2 chapters of some incredible fanfiction detailing his past. (never updated past those 2 chapters, of course.) it was a real ratatouille moment lmao.

i dunno. i dont wanna jinx it, but i feel like im doing better and feeling happier than i have in a while. and i think that this is real happiness right now, because the happiness doesnt overshadow all the other worries i have in my life. im still scared and stressed and worried, but i feel like i can manage.

applogies for the rambling, ive been thinking a lot and i havent seen my therapist at all this month. which, damn, i didnt realize id hit my yearly deductible on my insurance until i was looking at bills last week, or i would have been cramming those appointments in one after another -_-

i was having a crisis of "oh my god am i even an artist" but i scrolled thru my art tag and im ok now