#best hay equipment

[industrialnetwork]

Top 10 Best Hay and Forage Equipment of All Time

Hay and forage equipment plays a critical role in agriculture, especially in livestock farming, where the quality and quantity of forage can make or break the operation. Over the years, manufacturers have introduced various innovations that have significantly improved the efficiency and effectiveness of harvesting and baling hay. The best hay and forage equipment not only ensures productivity but also minimizes waste, enhances feed quality, and saves valuable time for farmers. In this blog, we’ll explore the top 10 best hay and forage equipment of all time, celebrating their durability, performance, and impact on modern agriculture.

1. John Deere 569 Round Baler

The John Deere 569 Round Baler is a legendary piece of hay equipment that has been a staple for many farmers due to its reliability and high-performance features. It is known for producing dense, uniform bales that are easy to transport and store. The MegaWide Plus Pickup ensures that even larger windrows are picked up efficiently, while the BaleTrak Pro monitor provides valuable information to the operator, helping with productivity and ease of use. With its ease of maintenance and robust construction, the John Deere 569 has earned its place among the best hay and forage equipment.

2. Krone Big X 1180 Forage Harvester

The Krone Big X 1180 is one of the most powerful forage harvesters on the market, known for its exceptional throughput and quality of cut. With a 1,156-horsepower engine, it has the strength to handle even the toughest crops, ensuring that farmers can work quickly and efficiently. The VariStream system helps prevent blockages while providing smooth, consistent operation. Additionally, the OptiMaize technology allows operators to adjust chop lengths to optimize the forage for different livestock needs. The Krone Big X 1180 is a favorite among large-scale operations requiring maximum productivity.

3. New Holland Roll-Belt 560 Round Baler

The New Holland Roll-Belt 560 offers significant advancements in baling technology, featuring a unique Roll-Belt design that provides tighter, denser bales with excellent shape retention. This baler is equipped with IntelliBale™ technology, which automatically stops the tractor when a bale is formed, reducing operator fatigue and ensuring consistent results. The ability to handle both wet and dry forage makes this baler highly versatile, appealing to farmers with diverse forage needs. Its efficiency and innovation have cemented its reputation as one of the best balers in the industry.

4. Vermeer 605N Round Baler

The Vermeer 605N Round Baler is another top-performing baler that has earned widespread respect for its durability and easy operation. Vermeer, known for pioneering round balers, continues to lead the industry with the 605N. Its Super M baler is engineered for heavy, wet forage, while the patented NetWrap system ensures a tight, uniform bale every time. This baler is highly regarded for its minimal maintenance requirements, easy-to-use controls, and the ability to produce high-quality, dense bales in various conditions, making it a top choice for farmers seeking a versatile and reliable baler.

5. Claas Jaguar 990 Forage Harvester

The Claas Jaguar 990 is a powerhouse in forage harvesting, with cutting-edge features designed to maximize efficiency and precision. It comes equipped with the CMOTION multifunction control lever that makes operating the harvester easy and intuitive. The Dynamic Power system adjusts the engine power according to the workload, saving fuel while delivering optimal performance. Claas is well-known for its attention to detail and superior build quality, and the Jaguar 990 is no exception. Its ability to deliver precise cuts and handle large quantities of forage efficiently makes it a top choice for commercial operations.

6. Massey Ferguson Hesston 2290 Large Square Baler

Massey Ferguson's Hesston 2290 Large Square Baler is a leader in the large square baler market. Known for producing ultra-dense bales, the 2290 reduces the number of bales required for storage and transport, saving time and costs. It features Twin Density Control, which ensures consistent bale density in various conditions, and a pre-compression chamber that guarantees uniform crop feed into the bale chamber. This baler is ideal for commercial hay producers looking for reliability and efficiency in high-volume operations.

7. Kuhn FC 4060 TCD Trailed Mower Conditioner

The Kuhn FC 4060 TCD is a highly efficient mower conditioner that delivers exceptional cut quality and speeds up the drying process with its integrated conditioner. Its Lift-Control Suspension reduces ground pressure, protecting the sward while delivering a clean, even cut. The conditioner’s steel fingers accelerate drying times, allowing for faster baling or forage harvesting. For farmers who need a reliable, easy-to-operate mower conditioner, the Kuhn FC 4060 TCD is a top contender thanks to its robust design and high-level performance.

8. John Deere 8300 Self-Propelled Forage Harvester

The John Deere 8300 is a highly regarded forage harvester known for its versatility and efficiency in both grass and corn crops. It’s powered by a 9.0-liter John Deere engine and comes with an intuitive ProDrive transmission, making it easy to operate even on uneven terrain. The HarvestLab 3000 sensor technology offers real-time moisture readings and crop analysis, allowing farmers to make better-informed decisions about feed quality. Its ease of use, combined with precision features, makes it one of the best all-around forage harvesters for farmers.

9. Fendt Katana 650 Forage Harvester

Fendt’s Katana 650 is renowned for its cutting-edge technology and high-performance forage harvesting capabilities. It features the VarioFill system, which allows the operator to adjust the filling strategy for optimal efficiency. The Visio5 cab offers unmatched visibility and comfort, ensuring that the operator can work long hours without fatigue. The Katana 650’s precision cutting and ability to harvest large volumes of forage make it a must-have for farmers focused on maximizing yield while maintaining high feed quality.

10. Pottinger Top 1252 C S-Line Rake

The Pottinger Top 1252 C S-Line Rake is a double rotor rake known for its precision and efficiency in windrow formation. Its unique MULTITAST wheel system ensures precise guidance, even on uneven ground, resulting in clean and consistent windrows that are ideal for baling. The hydraulic adjustment of the working width allows for maximum versatility, while the durable design ensures long-term reliability. Farmers who prioritize clean, efficient windrows for faster, more efficient baling find the Pottinger Top 1252 C S-Line Rake to be an invaluable tool in their hay and forage operations.

Hay and forage equipment has evolved to meet the increasing demands of modern agriculture. From balers to forage harvesters and rakes, the best equipment enhances productivity, improves feed quality, and reduces operational costs for farmers. Whether you're managing a small-scale operation or a large commercial farm, the right hay and forage equipment can make all the difference. The equipment listed above has stood the test of time, earning their place as some of the best in the industry. By investing in reliable, high-performance hay and forage equipment, farmers can ensure that their operations run smoothly and efficiently, season after season. A spokesperson from AllMachines, an agri and construction equipment website that deals with tractors, forklifts, lift trucks, cranes, and harvesters, emphasized that having the right equipment is essential to maximizing productivity and reducing downtime in both small and large-scale operations.

[tetedurfarm]

get started in meat rabbits masterpost!

yesterday i accidentally hijacked a friend's post and got way more engagement than i expected, which is both amazing and exhausting. so today i present to you: a big post full of resources and answers to the most common questions i've been getting! please refer to this now before dming me with questions <3

information below the cut!

why rabbits?

because they're one of (and in my opinion, THE,) best small-scale meat animal out there. they are relatively small, extremely quiet, can live in cages and therefore do not take up much space, and have a higher feed conversion rate (meaning they make more meat per lb of feed) than chickens, and their poop is AMAZING for gardening! in the footprint of a washer and dryer you can have a trio of breeding animals and space for growing out their litters if you use stacking cages. you just can't beat that.

what do they taste like?

like chicken or turkey. domestic rabbit meat is a very mild, white meat, and can be substituted for chicken in almost every meal. most of my rabbit i grind into mince and use it in place of ground beef. my rabbits, at least, get enough fat to make it unnecessary to cut the mince with pork or beef fat, so even the burgers are really juicy!

will you sell me some meat?

unfortunately in the state of washington it is illegal to sell meat that has been processed at home. at best i could sell you a whole rabbit but you'd have to butcher it yourself.

how much do they cost?

this depends heavily on where you live, though imo they have a fairly low upfront cost relative to other livestock. your biggest upfront expensive will be cages, though you can find good deals on cages and other equipment at livestock auctions/swaps and craiglist/kijiji/similar. the rabbits themselves can be anywhere from free to $100+, though i personally would not pay more than $30-$35 USD for a meat animal (but again, your average prices may vary.) after that, it's all in the price of feed.

feed costs vary from area to area and brand to brand - generally a locally milled feed will be a bit more cost-effective but they can also be lower quality so do your research. depending on your area, you can also feed rabbits partially or even completely on forage or pasture, just make sure you keep an eye on your parasite loads and weights to ensure they are eating enough.

this is a good site that discusses rabbit safe forage: https://riseandshinerabbitry.com/2012/02/26/safe-food-list-for-rabbits/

and this is a good site discussing hay: https://hoppyharlequinsrabbitry.weebly.com/hay-chart.html

this page is focused on other larger livestock but is a decent basic rundown on reading a feed lablel: https://s3.wp.wsu.edu/uploads/sites/2070/2023/03/FS138E_Reading-a-Feed-Tag.pdf

and a basic overview of rabbit nutrition: https://www.merckvetmanual.com/exotic-and-laboratory-animals/rabbits/nutrition-of-rabbits#Pelleted-Diets_v54343534

i do not personally believe that feeding hay is necessary for rabbits to be healthy, which is contrary to what most of you may have heard from online sources. we'll talk about that in a minute. all commercially-available pelleted rabbit feets are made with hay, and the 'long-stem' thing you read about is based on studies in ruminant animals that DO need a 'grass mat' to digest properly...but rabbits are not ruminants. they chew up their hay into fine dust, which is basically what pellets are anyway.

what other equipment do i need?

obviously, your first step should be cages. i prefer cages that are either 24x24 or 30x30 inches depending on the size of the rabbit. you generally want a cage big enough for the animal to lay flat on its belly with its legs out and not touch at least one of the sides (i prefer them to be able to touch none,) and tall enough that they can sit up comfortably. i like to err on the side of larger for breeding does, since their nestbox will take up floor space for a few weeks, and the kits need room to run around and grow before they are weaned. weaned kits need a larger cage or hutch to grow out in until they are eating size.

these cages can be wire bottomed or solid bottomed, just be aware of the hygiene differences between these styles of cages. wire cages are not evil, and will not harm a rabbit's feet provided it has proper density of fur. you can avoid foot problems by buying and breeding rabbits with well-furred feet.

other necessary equipment includes: feeders (j-feefers or pro-b feeders are my favourites), some way to provide water such as bottles, crocks, or an automatic watering system, a hay rack if you want to provide hay, grooming tools such as combs and brushes (if applicable; most rabbits will not need much grooming,) nail clippers, a first-aid kit containing things such as scissors, vet wrap, antibiotic gels and drops, saline solution, fenbendazole (brand name panacur, a dewormer,) gas medications such as simethicone/gas-x, critical care (a specially formulated powdered feed that you can mix into a gruel and syringe feed rabbits that won't eat on their own,) probiotic powder, electrolyte powder, and of course, toys!

make sure any provided toys are edible (so avoid plastic,) and will not get turned into mush and cause dirty mats in the cage when peed on. toilet paper and paper towel tubes are great, as are just chunks of untreated lumber offcuts, wooden baby blocks, or soda boxes. if you have some splurging money, bird toy websites like abirdtoy.com have amazing selections of things that rabbits love destroying. i recommend the refillable skewers!

what about vet care?

this is a fairly divisive topic. most vets do not know much about rabbits, and those that do are typically operating on outdated or simply untrue information that aligns with animal rights groups. therefore, a lot of meat and show breeders do not trust or use vets unless the situations are dire or there is disease testing to be done, and then generally we'll go to our state's ag exstension or college lab. i don't want to come off as anti-vet, i am far from it. but i and most people i know have not had good experiences with vets treating rabbits.

in general, exotic animal vet care (and yes, rabbits are considered exotic pets,) is extremely cost-prohibitive in general, much less when you have multiple animals. like most farmers, rabbit breeders typically handle basic medical situations ourselves.

medirabbit is a great resource for rabbit medical information including illnesses and medication dosages: https://www.medirabbit.com/

how many rabbits do i need?

the average litter size is between 5 and 8 kits, and rabbits can breed montly (though i recommend giving the girls breaks between litters depending on how they kept condition.) a trio of one buck and two does can produce a very good amount of meat for a one or two person household. my spouse and i lived on five or six litters a year for a very long time, using rabbit as our primary meat source!

do they need friends?

no. despite what house rabbit circles tell you, rabbits do NOT need companions and in fact having cagemates can stress them out unnecessarily. rabbits live in warrens in the wild, yes, but that is a survival tactic and the warrens are usually very violent and only work because they can run away when they need to. in capitivity, rabbits that are cohabitated can and commonly will KILL one another. it is much safer and less stressful to keep rabbits in their own spaces. i promise they won't mind.

rabbit colonies, where they are raised together in more 'natural' systems, are becoming very popular with homesteading circles but you should not jump into colonies as your first way to keep rabbits. they require just as much if not even more time and effort to manage than your typical cage setup. plus, you have to have the space to do that, which not everyone has.

can you help me find rabbits?

maybe! if you live in the united states and are comfortable sharing your local craigslist, i can take a look and link you to any rabbits or equipment i think would be worth your time. if you are local to me in western washington's i-5 corridor counties, i may have rabbits i can sell you for the price of feed and gas, but that depends on availability. if you are on the olympic peninsula in kitsam, jefferson, or clallam counties, hit up my buddy ren @buttonbuckfarm for similar services.

arent't they really fragile?

yes and no. rabbits are prey animals with an extremely specialised digestive system. if you are familiar with horses...same deal. if a rabbit stops eating, it will die, and they love bloating/colicking just like horses. there are also a few diseases that are common in rabbits that you should keep an eye out for, especially if you pasture or forage raise.

that being said, rabbits are not made of glass. you can flip them, you can poke them, prod them, put them in a car, drive them across the country, and squish them into weird shapes on a show table. as long as you take precautions during stressful situations and desensitise them to things like handling and transport early, they're shockingly physically hardy despite their sensitive guts.

i'm scared to kill them...what if i mess up?

it's perfectly understandable to fear the end of the process of raising rabbits. and accidents do happen. slaughter is a skill that must be practiced, and maybe you can take solace in knowing that we have all messed one up at some point or another. when this happens, the only thing you can do is try again as quickly as you can until you can confirm the animal is dead. and then take a minute to decompress.

it comes easy to me, but i know that is not true for everyone. but i am a firm believer that if you are going to eat meat, you should know where it comes from and how it gets to your plate. the best thing we can do for our food is to give it a wonderful life, kill as kindly as we can, and use as much of it as we are able.

here is the AVMA's list of approved humane slaughter methods: https://www.avma.org/sites/default/files/2020-02/Guidelines-on-Euthanasia-2020.pdf

and you can find pretty good videos of the various methods demonstrated on rabbits specifically on youtube:

broomstick, choke chain, bunny ballista, hopper popper

please be aware that the above videos show animals being killed. though if you are reading this i imagine you are prepared to see that.

how do i process them once they're dead?

this is another one you can find pretty good videos of online. visiting a local rabbit show may get you in contact with someone willing to teach you in person, as well!

i am working on a big project website that is basically all i think you should know about raising rabbits, which will include detailed slaughter, skinning, and butchering videos, though as of now these are not available. i plan to have this project at least usably done by the end of the year!

ok so what's the thing with pet owners vs breeders

you may have noticed that i've been doing some 'as you may have heard' debunking in this post. that's because there is a very huge divide between the beliefs and practices of pet rabbit owners versus show and meat breeders and owners. why? well, that's complicated, but the big bad evil guy that is the first place to point at is the House Rabbit Society, or HRS.

the house rabbit society is basically rabbit PETA. i am not joking. here is a big masterpost on all their bullshittery: https://www.tumblr.com/o-i-have-too/185596917579/a-masterpost-of-house-rabbit-society-bullshit

i know this comes off as me having an agenda, and i guess i can't say that i don't, but i believe that the HRS' rules and rhetoric are not just wrong they are actively dangerous to follow. i have owned rabbits for nearly a decade and have produced more somewhere in the 1,500 range of animals in that time. i have owned a LOT of rabbits and have experienced all the different ways they can thrive and die and have done a lot of experimenting to find what works. just about everything the HRS says about caring for rabbits is blatantly false according to my experience. proper wire cage floors do not destroy feet. rabbits do not need hay if they eat a good pelleted diet. pellets are not evil or 'fattening' or the main cause of stasis. rabbits do not need leafy greens or veggies. rabbits do not need to be bonded. they are perfectly happy living alone, in cages. flipping a rabbit is not torture and is in fact sometimes necessary for many reasons. meat and show breeders are generally not contributing to the 'overpopulation' problem - if we don't want an animal most of us just eat them. breeding for meat is not evil if it's done appropriately and they are killed humanely.

unfortunately the HRS won the google SEO game and so their website and the sites of others that believe their rhetoric are the only thing that comes up on the first pages of search results. i'm not saying you have to blindly trust me, but i have the experience, and the combined experience of many of my peers both online and offline, that says that basically everything they believe in and preach is just...not true.

anyway that's it, hope this answers most of your questions! i may add to this in the future depending on what other questions i may get. stay tuned for updates on my website project and in general more farm content, rabbit and otherwise :)

[halloweenbitch2764]

I am not sure if there is a limited number of characters. If so, just do the bachelors. If not, do both bachelors and bachelorettes.

If you do reactions/headcanons, a reaction to finding out how strong the farmer is would be amazing. I love the idea of the farmer from Stardew Valley being inhumane strong, but most of the towns people doesn't know it.

I will do my best! Also, you're dating in these just FYI. Heart event spoilers!!

Alex

You were hanging out with Alex outside of his house as you tended to

You had finished all your chores for the day already

"Want to take Dusty for a walk?" Alex offered since you two really weren't doing much else

You nodded, and Alex got Dusty's collar and leash from inside

When he came back out, you had already coaxed Dusty to the edge of the fenced-in area.

"Don't worry about getting him out, I got it." Alex stated but you were already leaning down

You supported Dusty as you picked him up and set him down outside of the fenced-in area

It didn't take much effort

Alex stared in amazement, collar and leash grasped in hand

"What?" You asked as you pet Dusty

"You're, like, super strong!"

You couldn't help but laugh at his reaction

Sam

Sam had decided to come visit you while you were working on your farm

You still had some chores to finish up

Sam watched curiously as you did your chores

Feeding the animals, milking the cows, collecting eggs, etc.

A bale of hay sat in the corner of your barn

You decided to move it and hoisted it onto your shoulder, balancing it and carrying it somewhere new

It was just taking up space in the barn anyways

You didn't notice Sam who was watching intently

He didn't know how much the bale weighed but he could tell it wasn't something to scoff at

"Woah." He murmured to himself

Shane

You, Shane, and Jas were hanging out as you tended to do

It was a warm sunny day and you had finished most of the work on your farm

Jas had mostly been playing while you and Shane conversed

Jas had seemingly become bored and wanted some attention

You would have never assumed she liked attention as much as she did before you got to know her

She did seem like the quiet type

"Hold me!" She playfully demanded

And who were you to deny her?

"She's kind of-" Shane started

You picked her up with ease, hoisting her to your shoulders and balancing her

"-heavy..." Shane trailed off

He couldn't believe how easily you picked Jas up, much less tossed her around playfully

Even he struggled sometimes

You giggled at his reaction, and Jas giggled from the attention

"She seems pretty light to me." You teased, which caused Shane to blush

Harvey

You were hanging out with Harvey in the clinic while he finished up some work

He looked over at a piece of equipment and sighed

"What's wrong?" You questioned

"I just need to move that machine over a ways."

"I got it!" You volunteered, hopping up from the chair and going to the machine

"No, it's okay-"

"Don't worry about it Harvey, I'll be careful."

You knew he was worried about your well-being as per usual

He sat back down in his chair

"Just tell me where you want it."

You moved the equipment with ease, putting it where instructed

Harvey had a blush on his face, seemingly enarmoured by your strength

"What?" You questioned

"Just glad to see you're in good physical health." He waved his hand a bit

You internally giggled

Elliot

Elliot had decided to rearrange his furniture while you were over one day

He was struggling to push his piano over to the new spot

"Let me try!" You offered cheerfully

He seemed hesitant but nodded and stepped aside

You took your position and moved the piano to the new spot easily

It seemed effortless to Elliot

He was speechless

You saw the expression on his face and quirked your eyebrow

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. Just didn't think you'd be able to move that so easily. That was quite impressive!"

You smiled, blushing slightly from the praise before waving your hand

"It was nothing."

Sebastian

You were hanging out with Sebastian at his house when Robin called for you

"I'm sorry to bother you, but can you help me move some of this wood?" Robin asked

You nodded happily and Sebastian followed you two, knowing he could help if needed

Not that he was particularly strong but he assumed it would be better than nothing

You easily lifted the wood (which was heavier than it looked) and moved it to the small pile that had been started

When you were done Robin offered to compensate you for your work but you told her it was okay

Sebastian was speechless

He knew you were strong, but you were stronger than he thought

"You're stronger than I thought you were." He complimented

You blushed and smiled

"Guess it's from working on the farm."

[the-fiction-witch]

Cuddles

Media - House Of The Dragon Character - Lucerys Velaryon Couple - Lucerys X Reader Reader - Y/n (Betrothal) Rating - Flirty Word Count - 1709

Lucerys makes his way to the Dragonmount, the stone entryway to the large intricate volcanic tunnels and caves where the dragons reside when in Dragonstone, where the many dragons linger during daily business. As he arrives the Dragonkeepers usher him to the caves Arrax calls his home, There Arrax was lying in his cave surrounded by hay and pig bones, with another familiar dragon, Silverspike the two dragons seem to be comforting each other, even cuddling each other.

Lucerys gives the keepers a strange look as he sees Arrax and Silverspike, the two young dragons intertwined with each other among the piles of bones. He takes a few tentative steps into the cave, careful not to alarm or anger the two dragons. He whistles softly, the way he trained to make Arrax come to him.

However, Arrax didn't listen.

Lucerys calls to Arrax again, a bit of a pout on his face, starting to wonder if Arrax was mad at him for something. He tries once more but this time in a different tone, a bit of an authoritative one this time, to make it seem like he meant business for his dragon.

the dragon keepers left to attend to other business and Lucerys tried repeatedly to get Arrax to listen but still, the dragon ignored him.

"You’re wasting your time Luke" a voice comes from behind him,

As he turned he saw Y/n, dressed in her red leather trousers and black silk shirt dress her boots high and her archery equipment over her shoulder, he blushed a little as she was of course very beautiful but things had been a little strange between them since his mother confirmed their betrothal before the court just a few weeks ago,

Lucerys clearly frustrated, his cheeks puffed up from blowing air out of his cheeks, his pout even more prominent. He turns to face her, that pout disappearing and replaced with a smile, but he was unable to make eye contact with her. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” Lucerys grumbles. “Seems like he’s mad at me or something..”

"Awww sweet Luke, don't take it too personally." She smiled as she came through to stand with him, "Dragons have Their own minds and intentions and clearly he's very busy. It's alright I can't get her to listen to me when she gets cuddled with him either" she explained as she too tried to get her dragon Silverspike to come over, but Silverspike and Arrax where too happy together to care that their riders had to say,

Lucerys chuckles as he watches Silverspike stay put, despite her best attempts. He smiles over at Y/n, looking at her for a few moments before turning his head back to watch the two dragons cuddle, sighing with annoyance. “They can be so stubborn sometimes, I wish I knew what they were thinking…”

"ohh I'm pretty confident I know what they are thinking about Luke..." She chuckled,

Lucerys gives her a side-eye, raising an eyebrow as an indication for explanation. He chuckled and folded his arms across his chest. He looked at her up and down, before he finally focused and returned his eyes to hers. “Oh yeah? And what exactly are they thinking about?”

"Well, as mysterious as dragons are they are animals, just as you and I. And Arrax is growing into a big strong gentleman dragon, and Silverspike is a lovely lady" She tried to hint at what the dragons were clearly up to,

Lucerys’s face slowly grows in realization as he sees where she’s going with this, his mind trying to connect the dots. His face starts to grow red as he imagines two dragons trying to… ”You don’t mean…” Lucerys gasps suddenly, turning around to face her with horror on his face, his eyes wide. “But… they can’t… they’re not… are they?”

"mhm," she nodded,

His mouth is agape as he stands, dumbfounded, trying to process the gravity of the situation. He thought it had to be a joke, but the look on Y/n’s face said otherwise. ”Oh gods…” he muttered quietly, looking over at Arrax and Silverspike, who were still cuddling together. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

"I'm sure you can't blame him for not listening, I'm sure you wouldn't want to go off on a flight if you had a pretty lady snuggling up with you,”

He chuckled his face still blushing furiously. “Yeah, I guess you’re right… I’m just… I didn’t think they’d be… in the mood for that anytime so soon…”

"they mature faster than we do," she chuckled,

He chuckled with her, shaking his head. He looked over at the two dragons as they lay together in a pile of bones and hay, cuddling comfortably. ”Is this going to be a regular thing now?” he asked, turning to face her.

"Possibly, it could be. Maybe they've fallen in love" she smiled,

He chuckled, smiling warmly at her as she spoke. The thought of Arrax and Silverspike falling in love just like a boy and girl would made him chuckle again. He thought for a moment before replying. “You suppose they’ll lay eggs together anytime soon?”

"They might, Silverspike is certainly old enough to lay eggs, and the dragon keepers do think she will be a very fertile dragon just like Syrax"

He swallowed as he heard her say that. The thought of Arrax and Silverspike laying eggs together made his heart flutter, in a mixture of anxiousness and nervousness. He chuckled again, running his fingers through his hair. “So.. They’ll make little dragon babies then?”

"they might, if they have eggs together and they hatch." She nodded, "Who knows... Maybe Silverspike will lay a clutch of eggs not long after we get married," she suggested, "perhaps we could even put one of Arrax and Silverspikes eggs in our little one's cradle someday," she smiled giving his arm a gentle elbow,

His heart began to race as she continued to speak. The image of him and her, husband and wife, together with their child, with an egg in the cradle for them to hatch and claim, was almost too tantalizing. He chuckled softly, the thought of it filling him with excitement and anticipation. ”That actually sounds… kind of wonderful,” he admitted with a shy grin, rubbing the back of his head.

"I think it would be too, One day" she smiled "When we are lord and lady of Driftmark, Arrax and Silverspike can cuddle up by the beach all day in the sun, their little baby dragon struggling in your little heir's cradle" she encouraged,

The very visualization of it made butterflies flitter in Lucerys’s stomach. The image of him and Y/n, lord and lady of Driftmark, ruling together, raising their child together, and being a family with Arrax, Silverspike, and their children together… it was a beautiful thought. ”You paint a pretty picture,” he commented with a grin, looking over at Arrax and Silverspike again, his grin growing into an excited smile. He paused for a few moments, continuing to watch the two dragons cuddle together. He imagined what their baby dragons would look like, what colour they would inherit from Arrax and Silverspike, and the thought made him even more excited. ”You really think this is something that could happen?” he asked, a bit of a dreamy, hopeful look in his eyes.

"Well we are betrothed, and our dragons do seem close so I'm sure it's possible"

He chuckled, agreeing with her. He looked at the two young dragons, cuddling and snuggling up together, their eyes closed as if they were already asleep in each other’s arms. He smiled at the sight of it. ”So…” he started off slowly, looking over at her, a playful smirk on his face. “… what if I was to want to do something along with this whole cuddling thing?”

"What?" She chuckled

He chuckled, taking a side step closer to her. They were pretty secluded in the cave, and the dragon keepers weren’t paying attention to either of them. He glanced over at the sleeping dragons one more time, the coast clear, before he turned back to look at her, his smirk still present. ”What if I said… I wanted to cuddle with you too?”

"oh do you now?" She raised an eyebrow at him for a moment trying to test if he was serious

He was dead serious. He took another step closer to her, now practically standing right in front of her, his smirk now a cheeky grin. “Yes, I’m dead serious.” he stated bluntly, his eyes looking her over and up and down as his cheeks grew flushed pink.

Y/n chuckled a little and gave his cheek a kiss, "You’re a sweetheart" she smiled tussling his hair

The kiss on his cheek made his heart skip a beat, and the way her hand went through his curls as she tousled his hair made his cheeks grow even more flushed pink. He chuckled as she called him a sweetheart, his smile almost as bright as the sun. He looked up at her, tilting his head up to meet her gaze, despite being a few inches shorter then she. “Only for you,” he replied with a grin.

"Well, you're more than welcome to come up to my chambers for a cuddle if you'd like Luke, I'm pretty sure we're not going out riding with them today," she chuckled, "Then again I suppose that all depends on exactly what sort of cuddle you intend?"

His mind began to race as she spoke. A mix of excitement and nervousness washed over him as she mentioned the idea of them going to her chambers. His heartbeat quickened, his cheeks flushed, and his palms grew a bit sweaty. He swallowed before replying, trying to keep his voice steady. “That… that sounds nice.” he said simply, his eyes looking from her face, down her body, and back up again, He smirked at her.

"All alright" she smiled turning his chin to her and giving his lips a quick kiss before she bolted through the caves "Race you!" She yelled

He jumped in shock and surprise for a moment as she suddenly turned his chin and kissed him on the lips. It felt good and he wanted to lean in for more, but before he could, she bolted through the caves.

”HEY!!” he yelled out before starting to chase after her.

[ordon-shield]

Link’s Houses Graded By How Liveable They Are

The Legend of Zelda/The Adventure of Link: 0/10, he doesn’t have one. Probably sleeps in caves.

A Link to the Past/Oracle games/Link’s Awakening: 6/10, surprisingly good! He’s got a bed, a place to cook food, tables and chairs, and even a set of shelves! He looses points because there’s no space for his uncle to live and it’s only one room.

Ocarina of Time/Majora’s Mask: 5/10, similar to the previous Link. He has a bed, a table with stools. While lacking any method of cooking, that’s probably for the best seeing as everything is made of wood. He also has a sink with a mirror. He looses a point due to the random hay and pitchforks though.

Four Swords: 0/10, he has no house.

The Wind Waker/Phantom Hourglass: 4/10, while you might expect it to be higher, there are a number of flaws with his house. First is the fact that he must share it with his grandmother and little sister, and second is the lack of mattresses on their two beds. They also use their space poorly, as out of three areas in the house only one is being actively used — Grandma should have let Link use that loft as his bedroom. It’s not all bad though— they have a cooking fire and kitchen area.

Four Swords Adventures: 0/10, also has no house.

The Minish Cap: 7/10, the only truly multi-room house on this list! The bedroom has a bed for both Link and his grandfather, along with a table and stools. The main room downstairs is the kitchen, with a place to cook and shelves for plates and bowls. There’s also an entire forge connected to the building.

Twilight Princess: 10/10, the best house on this list in my opinion. Like in Ocarina of Time, there is a pitchfork inside, but this time it makes sense with Link’s background, and comes with some horse riding equipment for Epona. His cooking area is also set up to avoid any fires. He even has a sink for his dirty dishes, along with a table and chairs, and a few bookshelves. He also has a basement that he uses to store a bit of cash and some old furniture. The one flaw of this house is the lack of a bed, but this can be excused as Ordon is based in part on traditional Japanese culture, so he may just use a futon.

Spirit Tracks: 7/10, like an improved version of the ALttP house, with a bed for both Link and Niko, along with a cooking area, and plenty of room.

Skyward Sword: 8/10, rather than living in a house, this Link lives in the Knight’s Academy. He shares a divided room with another student. The only Link to have easy access to a bathroom, which counts for a lot.

A Link Between Worlds/Triforce Heroes: 5/10, very similar to his house in ALttP, containing a bed, table with stools, shelves, and a cooking area. While the lack of an uncle with no bed might have brought this house up to a higher standard, there’s one thing preventing that — the presence of a certain merchant who pushes all the furniture aside to set up his own shop.

Breath of the Wild: 7/10, a decent house brought down by the lack of a kitchen and the fact you have to buy it and the furniture inside at exorbitant prices from an annoying builder who sits around in your front garden once he’s done.

[najia-cooks]

[ID: A plate of light brown bumpy flatbread with blackened spots, surrounded by za'tar and green olives. End ID]

خبز طابون / Khobz taboon (Palestinian flatbread)

Khobz taboon ("taboon bread") is a soft, chewy Palestinian flatbread. It may be eaten with olive oil and za'tar, but it is best known as the base of مسخن (musakhkhan), where it is topped with spiced aromatics and perhaps chicken.

Khobz taboon gets its name from the vessel it is traditionally cooked in—an outdoor, shallow conical oven with an opening at the top and a clay or metal cover to trap heat. Taboons may also have an opening at the side through which the fire can be stoked, especially in the east of Palestine. These ovens were historically made from a mixture of local clay and hay, but have more recently also been constructed from clay treated to be sturdier, or from metal.

A taboon is used by packing flammable material, such as hay, fabric, animal dung, wood, and charcoal, around the outside of the oven and letting it burn overnight; the fire transfers thermal energy to the clay, and to the river stones, sand, glass, or flint stones (صوان, "ṣawwān") that form the base of the oven. The ash is then brushed away, and the flattened dough is placed on the stones or stuck to the walls of the oven to cook. The clay and stones will continue to release thermal energy and cook things throughout the day. The clay and ash give a distinctive flavor to anything cooked inside the taboon, making this method a source of nostalgia for many people who have transitioned to cooking in indoor ovens.

Khobz taboon was traditionally made with whole wheat flour. Most people today use a blend of around two parts white flour to one part whole wheat, or else all white flour; they may even add milk or milk powder to ensure a very soft dough. This recipe uses a blend of flours to combine the nutty flavor of whole wheat dough with the pliancy of white dough. It also begins with an optional pre-ferment to mimic the traditional Palestinian method of including a piece of dough from the previous day's bread into each new batch (like a pâte fermentée) giving a rich and slightly sour flavor to the final bread. It calls for the use of rocks to imitate the bottom of a taboon; the rocks give the khobz its distinctive dimpled texture, and ensure that no interior pocket forms in the bread.

In the years following 2007, the siege Israel had imposed on Gaza caused a shortage of cooking gas that led to a resurgence in the use of taboons. The ovens were used to bake bread and to grill sweet potatoes during the time of their winter harvest. Meanwhile, in the West Bank, Israeli military forces repeatedly destroyed taboon ovens and assaulted villagers who tried to defend them, as Israeli settlers from nearby villages complained about the smoke that the ovens produced. Some of these ovens had been used to bake bread for entire families of 40 or more people. Palestinians continue to build, use, and defend these ovens, despite the fact that Israeli law de facto forbids Palestinians in the West Bank to build anything.

Today, Israel is deliberately targeting and destroying bakeries in refugee camps that had been supplying bread to tens of thousands of people in Gaza, continuing a long campaign of starvation of the Palestinian people.

Support Palestinian resistance by calling Elbit System's (Israel's primary weapons manufacturer) landlord; and donating to Palestine Action's bail fund.

Equipment:

A large, shallow mixing bowl, like a Moroccan qus'a

A large (12"), shallow clay cooking vessel, such as the bottom of a Moroccan tajine (one that is rated for very high temperatures), or a large baking tray

Assorted smooth river rocks of varying sizes, from 1 to 3" in diameter.

Make sure that your rocks have been thoroughly cleaned, and that they do not contain any fissures, cracks, or veins that could contain water (this water, once heated in the oven, could cause the rocks to crack open). Instead of river rocks, I used lava rocks designed for use in a clay tanoor. You just need something to provide thermal mass and give a bumpy texture.

Ingredients:

Makes 3 large breads.

For the pre-ferment:

140g whole wheat flour

1/2 tsp active dry yeast

140g water

You may also use a pâte fermentée that you already have (just adjust the ratio of white to whole wheat flour added later accordingly), or a sourdough starter. The hydration of the starter doesn't matter, since you will be adding water by eye later.

For the bread:

330g bread flour or all-purpose flour

30g whole wheat flour

5g salt

Water

If you skipped the pâte fermentée step, add 170g (rather than 30g) of wheat flour at this stage, as well as 1/2 Tbsp of active dry yeast. I have not tested the recipe this way.

Instructions:

For the pâte fermentée:

1. Mix flour and yeast in a small mixing bowl. Add water and stir to combine. Cover and leave out at room temperature for a day, or in the refrigerator for up to three days. At the end of the rising time, it should be about one and a half times its original size.

For the bread:

This recipe makes a high hydration dough that will need techniques such as slapping and folding to knead effectively.

1. Mix flours and salt in a very large, shallow mixing bowl. Add your pâte fermentée and mix to combine.

2. Add water until the flour comes together into a soft, sticky dough and continue keading. Have a bowl of water on your workstation. Every time the dough starts to stick to your hands or the sides of the bowl, wet your hands and rinse down the side of the bowl with some water. This will gradually add water to the dough.

3. You will notice the dough growing smoother and laxer. At this point, start kneading by repeatedly folding the edges of the dough in towards the center. Do this by occasionally wetting your hands, then running a hand along the side of the bowl and under the edge of the dough to unstick it from the bowl; then fold. You will get stuck less often if you try to touch the dough as lightly and briefly as possible. Every few folds, dimple the surface of the dough all over with your fingertips. You will have been kneading for about 10 minutes at this point.

The dough should become more smooth and less bumpy—you will notice it holding its shape and becoming more stretchy as gluten forms. It should form into a ball when you fold the corners in and hold its shape for a minute, but then gradually expand to take the shape of the bowl. I added about 2 1/2 cups of water total (in dry conditions) during steps 2 and 3.

4. At this point, the dough is wet enough that the slap and fold method is the best way to knead. Wet your hands and again unstick the dough from the sides of the bowl. Hook your hands under the dough and quickly pull it all up into the air; fold the hanging bottom part of the dough under, and plop the dough back down, folding it on top of the part you plopped down earlier. Give the bowl a quarter turn and repeat. Do this continually for another few minutes.

5. When the dough is very smooth and lax, smear some olive oil on the sides of the bowl and under the dough, and pat some oil on top.

6. Cover the bowl and bulk ferment the dough at room temperature for 8 hours, or for 16-24 hours in the fridge. At the end of the rising time, you should see bubbles beginning to form on the surface of the dough.

To shape and bake:

1. Place a layer of rocks at the bottom of a clay cooking vessel or baking sheet. Put the sheet in the top third of the oven and preheat your oven to 550 °F (290 °C), or as hot as it will go.

2. Meanwhile, fold the edges of the risen dough over into the middle a few more times with damp hands. Pinch off a large piece of dough (about the size of two fists), and fold the sides over into the middle to make a neat packet.

3. Drop the packet of dough onto a heavily floured surface, and flip to flour both sides. Pat the dough flat, then throw it back and forth between your hands, catching the edge each time as you spin it through the air, like a pizza crust, to stretch it into a circle about 1/4" (1/2cm) thick with a diameter of about 10" (25cm).

You may also stretch and pat the dough out on a flat surface.

4. Remove the tray from the oven. Flip the dough circle over the back of your hand to transfer it and lay it down over the hot rocks. Re-stretch it into a circle, if necessary.

5. Place the tray back in the oven and cook for 5-7 minutes, until the top of the bread has golden brown spots. Repeat with each piece of dough, leaving the rocks in the oven for a few minutes between each one to allow them to come back up to temperature.

6. (Optional): Hold each flatbread directly over a gas flame for a minute or two to blacken a few spots and mimic the flavor that a wood-fired oven would give to your khobz.

You may also use a method similar to the dhungar technique to smoke your bread. Place each piece of bread one at a time into a large vessel with a closely fitting lid, alongside a small bowl. Light a piece of wood on fire and drop it into the bowl; then cover the vessel with the lid as you allow the wood to smoke for a minute or two.

[bluegalaxygirl]

Obsession's Grip (Zosan X Reader) P3

Plot: After saving some of the straw hat crew from a prison, the crew help takes a young man away so he can have a fresh start in life. He's shy but seems to grow attached to Reader in an unhealthy way.

Warning: Bad language, past abuse, abandonment and Violence.

Reader is Female (Sorry), Zoro X Sanji X Reader, Poly relationship, established relationship. Reader has the ability to control the snake tattoos on her arms that come alive when she commands, they can change size and are connected to her emotions.

P1 - P2 - P4 - P5 - P6 - P7 - P8 - P9 - P10 - P11 - P12 - P13 - P14

Walking down the steps you soon spot Percy on the mast bench where you told him to wait, your surprised Luffy hasn't dragged him away now that he's in a change of clothes and clean skin, his hair is still a mess, the tie holding his bun is gone and yet the hair stays in the exact same passion. It makes you sad realizing how bad it is and how long and maybe even painful it will be to get all the mats out, you know it won't be as simple as shaving his head, plus the young man has been through enough, he deserves to at least keep some of his hair. "Hay, you ok?" You ask getting his attention, Percy jumps at the sound of your voice but soon relaxes when seeing you sit next to him "Y-yea… Miss Robin wants to do my hair soon and i was hoping you could come with" Raising an eyebrow you give him a confused look wondering why he would need you "Robin's an expert you don't need me, you'll be fine" You try and reassure only for him to rub his arm and lean closer to you making you lean away from him a bit "To be honest… she kinda scares me" The young man whispers while looking around to make sure no one else can hear him, slapping your hand over your mouth trying your best not to laugh but some of your giggles get past your hand making the young man sigh feeling like he shouldn't have said anything. Managing to calm down you place a hand on his shoulder "No, no i'm sorry, i shouldn't laugh, I'll come with you if you feel uncomfortable around her, but trust me when i say that even though she says scary things, Robin is so sweet and a joy to be around" Patting his shoulder you stand up ready to head to the aquarium bar where you know she'll be.

Percy sits there for a minute watching you start to walk, his eyes looking you up and down before muttering under his breath "Your sweet" turning you raise an eyebrow at hearing him mutter something but you couldn't hear what it was, Percy's cheeks are a little red, and he's refusing to look at you instead looking down at the ground making you feel like maybe you said something that upset him. "Something wrong?" You ask only for Percy to shoot up his cheeks going redder while shaking his head "No miss, nothing at all" He panics but you relax at his words, giving him a smile you gesture for him to follow "By the way stop with the miss, just call me Y/N" You state before opening the door to the aquarium bar for him. Percy nods walking into the slightly dark room, his eyes widen at seeing the large fish tank with a long red sofa curving around the front, in the middle where a round table is Robin has set up all her equipment. "It's going to take a while so i thought you might want something to look at while i work" Robin smiles patting the wooden chair thats facing the fish tank, when the young man doesn't move you pat his shoulder while walking past him and over to the black haired woman "Y/n, you deiced to join?" With a smile you nod watching as the young man slowly makes his way over while admiring the area around him before sitting in the chair "Yea i thought you might need some extra hands, you did a lot back at the prison, i just thought you might want a break" You were only half lying to her since you didn't want to tell her the real reason why your here but weather she bought it or not, it didn't really matter, she wouldn't poke and prod like Nami would. "Thank you, I'm grateful for the help, take these, spray the ends and then tease the ends of the hair, take thin and small sections"

You sit on one side of the young man while Robin sits on the other, both of you taking small sections and starting to comb from the bottom up, there were times when Percy would jump or flinch in pain when you accidentally pulled on a knot too hard or Robin got close to his scalp, but he sat through very well and didn't complain. "How are you holding up?" You ask after almost an hour of combing, you and Robin were making some headway but you can tell it's going to be almost two hours until your done and thats not including the hair cut "Urm… I'm ok" Percy hesitates clearly in discomfort but not wanting to show it, Robin leans round to look at the young mans face with a small kind smile "We'll take a break soon so don't worry" He nods at her starting to relax his shoulders as the two of you continue "I've been meaning to ask, is there anyone back home that you might want to contact?" Robin asks trying to get information while also distracting the young man from what she's doing, Percy shifts his eyes from the fish tank to the floor while gripping his knees "No… There's no one back home" hearing the sadness in his voice you stop brushing his hair and place your stuff on the side before moving round to take his hand in yours "I'm sorry for what ever happened but i hope you'll have a better life after all this" A sad smile appears on Percy's face, but he keeps his eyes on the floor, you can tell he's debating weather to talk about it or not but you don't want to push him into anything so keep quiet, silently comforting him. Robin on the other hand has other ideas it seems she wants to know more about the young man and what he's been though, why she wants to know so bad is something you should probably ask later but for now you'll let her do what she needs too.

Continuing to comb through a strand of untangled hair to make sure everything is out Robin asks what you didn't want too "What happened?" A sigh of relief leaves Percy's lips, it seems he needed permission to talk about it instead of bottling it up "My mother didn't really want me but my farther did, so he raised me, some times mum would come by, she'd stay a few weeks and then just suddenly leave. I never really liked her since she would yell and scream, she'd hurt my dad and call us names asking for money and stuff. I still don't understand why Dad would let her back into our lives with open arms, but he always kept me safe, fed and warm. A year into being forced into working at the prison i found out that he had passed away a few months before i was actually told…. I never got to talk to him, to say goodbye-" Tears run down his face as his hand grabs yours trying to gain some kind of comfort, holding his hand tight you grab a tissue and hand it to him letting the young man wipe his eyes. Robin stops what she's doing and places a hand on his shoulder in comfort, the two of you stay silent letting Percy cry as much as he needs too, its clear he needed this. "T-thank you" The young man sniffs after calming down a bit and loosening his grip on your hand "It's ok, i'm sorry you had to go through all that" You hand him a clean tissue as Robin stands making her way to stand in front of the young man "What you've been though is hard but you should look towards the future, one that you can be proud of. It's going to be hard but try not to dwell on the past"

Robin's words ring more than true since she's speaking from experience, it makes you so proud of her and reminds you of how far she's come, you hope the same will happen to Percy, that he'll be able to move forwards and find people who love him like the crew loves Robin. The three of you sit and talk for a while deciding to give Percy a break from tugging at his hair, the conversation becomes a lot lighter mainly talking about the Sunny and the fish tank until the door opens with a bang "Robin-Chan, Y/N my love" Sanji calls out with a big smile while holding a tray of snacks and drinks, Percy jumps spinning around to look at the cook while you and Robin both smile and let out a laugh as the blonde sways his way over "I bring snacks and drinks for my lovely lady's .. and our guest" Sanji keeps his smile even though he still doesn't like Percy all that much, placing the tray down he hands you your drink while placing a kiss on your cheek which you lean into. Robin hands the young man his drink as he calms down seeing it's not a threat "Thank you Sanji, this is excellent" The black haired woman smile taking her own drink and having a sip "Anything for you Robin-chan, is there anything else i can get you?" Sanji asks hearts starting to appear in his eyes making you giggle, you know he loves getting praises from the girls on the ship. Robin shakes her head while grabbing a piece of food starting to eat while the cook starts looking at Percy's hair "Wow, you got all this done in an hour, it's a lot longer than i thought it would be" The cook smiles taking a piece of Percy's combed hair in his hands.

The young man gulps and shy's away a little from the blonde but it seems Sanji didn't notice, too focused on yours and Robins work "A few more hours, and then we'll be done" Robin replays looking over her work with soft eyes, nodding in agreement you sip on your drink "I think your hair might actually touch the floor once were done" You giggle making Percy blush while rubbing the back of his neck shying away from you while slightly pushing Sanji's hand off his hair. The cook raises an eyebrow but pulls away from the young man's hair, he tries not to hate their guest, but he has two of his lovely lady's all to himself and seems to have taken a liking to you. He knows it natural since your kind and understanding, your not one to judge right away so its easy for people to be drawn to you but he's jealous of the attention your giving him. "Everything ok hun?" You ask seeing the cook staring at the back of Percy's head with that strange thinking face, snapping out of his thoughts the cook quickly turns to you with a big smile "Yes, sorry love, i was just thinking. The work you've both done is amazing and with Robin-chan's hair skills i'm sure it'll look great. Long, short, straight, wavy, it'll look amazing no matter how you style his hair, your skills are amazing Robin-chan" As he speaks hearts start to appear in his eyes as he cups his cheeks and sways from side to side fawning over Robin's skills. You can't say the cooks wrong, the black haired woman somehow has a natural skill when it comes to hair "Thank you sanji, your too kind" Robin waves him off but the cook takes her hand and shakes his head wanting to praise her work "Your hands are amazing Robin-chan-" He goes to say more when Luffy calls out for the cook.

You can hardly hear what the captain is yelling about but its clear he needs Sanji for something so with a sigh the cook lets go of Robin's hand and walks over to you giving your forehead a lingering kiss "I'll see you later my love" Rubbing your cheek with his thumb the cook looks down at you with soft eyes making your heart melt "See you later hun" You smile up at him feeling warmth swell inside your chest when he reluctantly removes his hand from your face before heading out the door closing it behind him. "How does he have so much energy?" Percy suddenly asks making you laugh while Robin shrugs, you honestly don't know, the cook works all hours of the day and night but no matter how tired he is the blonde somehow manages to hide it and take care of the crew. Placing down your empty glasses the two of you get back to work, conversations would come and go but the silence in between wasn't weird or awkward, it was actually kind of nice and calming. With Percy's hair fully de-tangled and straight, Robin did some dry treatments on his hair while deciding what to do for the cut. You were right about his hair touching the floor but when he stood up it went to the back of his knees, the black haired woman looked over his hair checking strands "I'm going to have to take a lot off due to the damage, I'd say probably up to here" Robin explains placing her hand just under his shoulder blades, Percy nods but you can see a slight sad look on his face "It will grow out with time but for now we need you comfortable and healthy"

The young man looks to you with a small smile before turning to Robin "I used to have long hair with an undercut, I liked it that way because when I'd put my hair up in a bun the back would be different, sometimes I'd get patterned shaved into the small patch of hair there… could you maybe do that?" Percy rubs his arm unsure if thats ok for her to do but Robin nods with a smile grabbing her scissors and starting to cut the dead pieces of hair off "Of course, I'll try and keep as much as i can" Sitting back you watch the black haired woman work, the young man still seems shy around her so your kinda reluctant to walk away but you have other things to do, chores that need doing. You know if you don't get most of them done now you'll be swamped tomorrow, on the other hand maybe taking a break won't be so bad, the joins in your fingers and wrist are starting to hurt and stiffen from all the combing. With Percy sitting down and Robin shaping his hair you stand stretching your sore arms, the young man moves his eyes to look at you keeping his head still "I'll leave you too d-" You smile but get interrupted when Percy grabs your hand "Wait.. your leaving?" He still refuses to move his head even though Robin has stopped to look you over seeing you wince in pain from his grip, taking a breath you manage to pry his hand off yours and move around to be in front of the young man "I have work to do otherwise i won't get a break tomorrow, Robin will look after you" Patting his shoulder you walk past him giving the black haired woman a nod before leaving.

Despite the pain in your hands you do what you need to before dinner but still end up doing stuff after dinner hoping to catch up on everything, it wasn't as easy as you thought it would be, your hands keep cramping up. Walking onto the deck you sigh heading to your next chore only stopping when you notice Zoro leaning against the tree, his eyes closed and hands resting behind his head. Its so tempting to join him and a debate forms in your head, either put up with the pain and get back to work or join the swordsman and relax. "I know you want to" Zoro smirks calling out to you with his eyes still closed, letting out a laugh you walk over to him, the swordsman's eye opens looking you over, his smirk starting to drop while patting his lap getting you to sit "I look that bad?" You laugh again while sitting in his crossed lap and leaning your back against his chest, Zoro sighs wrapping his arms around you while resting his chin on your shoulder, one of his hands moves from your waist to your hand lightly running his fingers over your knuckles "You look tired, are your hands sore? their stiff" The green haired man whispers taking one of your hands in both of his and starts massaging them, a smile forms on your face as you lean back into him starting to relax "Yea, i was helping Robin with Percy's hair, it cut the time down but my hands are paying the price… I'm also behind on chores" You sigh turning your head to the side so you can place a kiss on his neck earning a hum of acknowledgment, relaxing into him you nuzzle into his neck getting comfy and warm "We can skip training tomorrow if you want" Zoro suddenly says making you raise an eyebrow while moving to look at him.

The swordsman trains with you snakes at least once a week and tomorrow is supposed to be one of those days, its kind of him to skip it but you don't want him too since you love seeing the joy he gets out of it and it also makes your snakes happy. Shaking your head you lay it back down on his shoulder "No I'll be fine, I'll try and get everything done in the morning, if not I'll do the garden while you train, that way i'm sitting down" You sigh relaxing into him again,the swordsman prefers it if you rest while he trains but he knows not to complain once you've made up your mind. Zoro gives a nod turning your hand over to massage your palm, the smile on your face grows at feeling his fingers drag along your palm releasing any tension, you know this well although he's never done it to you before "Oooh, the Sanji treatment, boy do i feel special" Zoro chuckles at your words while placing a kiss on your forehead "You deserve it, working so hard." Humming into him you relax into the treatment he's giving you. A few times a week the swordsman will massage Sanji's hands like this making sure to take care and get any aches and pains out. He's only ever done it to the cook so of course you feel special that now your getting that treatment, you also now understand why Sanji melts into Zoro when ever he does this. The feeling is heavenly like he's massaging your brain releasing all the tension in your head and making you thoughts float away by just pushing into your palm and fingers. So relaxed you didn't notice he moved over to your other hand doing the same as the other one, you could fall asleep like this, in his warm embrace, under the stars the only sound being the waves, light breeze and his heart beat.

[misc-obeyme]

your post about the human au with beel as a farmer has me giggling and kicking my feet!! and now i can't stop imagining the brothers on their own little farm (writing this even though i know nothing about farming)

lucifer and satan mainly handle the finances, making sure they have the best equipment and techniques to produce good crops. the goats and sheep seem to take a liking to lucifer, especially the baby ones, who love chewing on his clothes. satan stays away from them bc they keep thinking his blond hair is food, choosing instead to coo over the farm cats

mammon and levi are the unofficial handlers and bully victims of the birds. mammon gets pecked by the chickens as he goes to collect their eggs, and he says one day, he'll cook them all up as revenge!! (everyone knows he's lying). levi spends more time with the ducks, where they quack at him on the farm and when he's fishing at the local ponds. (one time, a group of baby ducks imprinted on him and followed him home. it took forever for him to get them back to their mama)

asmo does a lot of advertising for the farm, with both his social media and charming personality at the farmers' market. he designs the cutest packaging and sews any holes that end up in his brothers' clothes with lovely little patches. his favorite animals on the farm (a couple piglets and bunnies) are marked with pink bows, but you could tell by how he squeals whenever he sees them

you already went over beel, but i imagine him still having his super strength and can easily carry adult sheep with ease. he also has gained a lot of (kissable) freckles from being in the sun all the time

belphie is a straight up cow whisperer, which may be caused by his habit of cuddling with the cows on their pasture to skip out on chores. but he's great at milking and can instantly tell if something's wrong with the cows, to the point that other farmers go to him in need of help. he's a lazybones hero!

aaaaaa the sillies - 🎠

Honestly, I'm surprised that little post of mine got so much attention lol! I was definitely thinking about it more in terms of what I think the boys would do if they were humans, rather than how it would be if they all worked on the same farm. But I saw a couple tags suggesting a Stardew Valley crossover, which could be all of them on the same farm or all of them with separate farms. I haven't played Stardew in a long time, but I am so obsessed with farming sims it's ridiculous. My favorite is Story of Seasons Trio of Towns, I've played it so many times and I still replay it from time to time because I loved it so much lol.

ANYWAY that's all to say that my farming experience comes almost entirely from video games. I took a class about plants and agriculture in high school, but otherwise it's all vibes and cozy gaming!

But I think you've nailed it with these. I keep seeing Satan falling asleep in a pile of hay, just completely covered in barn cats. Cute lil Asmo all decked out like a farmer but only for the aesthetic 'cause he's running that farmer's market booth like nobody's business. Cow whisperer Belphie, please I love it so much.

Also freckled, sun-kissed Beel... human!Beel would have so many freckles if he spent any time outside at all. I love this because I'm extremely freckled myself and it'd be really cute if MC had freckles to match his.

Though I actually hadn't even thought about MC's role in a human au. Since they're already human. Would it be reversed? MC is the demon in this scenario? Or just MC is their same human self but they meet the others in a different way? I think both options could be interesting. I was initially going with the idea of there being no magic and no realms though.

I was trying to think of what the characters would do with their lives based on their interests and Beel just screamed farmer to me. Like yeah he probably still works out a bunch, but he really loves food. So I thought it would be interesting to consider that as his primary motivation for wanting to become a farmer. He just wants to feed everybody.

Anyway, I love this, I'm thoroughly enjoying imagining the boys on their farm. Though Mammon threatening to cook the chickens is hilarious. Like I can just hear him saying that to a bunch of indifferent hens, too. It reminds me of a story my mom used to tell me about my great-grandmother getting so annoyed at my uncle's pet rooster for getting his beak tangled in her yarn that she straight up made soup out of him. I dunno how true that story is, but it's one my mom & her siblings have told me numerous times lol.

[keimiwolf]

Red hood feet dangled off the roof. It had been a good day. Most of the winter supplies were passed out, the new homeless shelters just finished construction and people started moving in today, they were much but enough to keep the cold out and get food to those that needed it.

Hood leaned back on the roof. He had some more hats and coats that should go to the colony in the west, too stubborn to move into a building, but luckily not stupid enough to refuse help.

Now to start on his night tasks, a new drug was making the rounds. It left the user unresponsive, seizure, vomiting, then organs start failing. In all one dose will kill you in 6 about hours. Not fun, and definitely not allowed on his streets.

New dealer had been making his way into hoods territory, sailing to Anyone who gave them cash they needed to know who was ok to sell to and who they lose a hand for. the rumor that-

A small body crawled onto is lap, shaggy black hair and big sapphire blue eyes stared at him. The boy had to be around 3 or 4. And is far too comfortable sitting so close to the edge of a 5 story apartment building.

Jason carefully put his arms around the kid. the last thing Jason needed was a kid falling off a roof.

"My name is Danny Fenton I was born on Christmas Day, I don't know who my datty is and Mummy's gone away. All I want for Christmas is for someone to take me home. Does anyone want a Christmas child of their own."

"I'm not Santa kid."

"I know Santa for the rich kids, and I'm an orphan. It's ok though cuz Ally kids have you, and that's even better!" Danny cuddled closer to Jason. The poor kid must have been out for a while he was freezing to the youth and definitely needed something to warm up.

"Then I'll do the best I can." Jason carefully worked his way back onto the roof before standing and placing the kid on his hip, some what glad his helmet hid his teary eyes. "While I work on your Christmas wish how about some hot chocolate. I'll walk you back to the orphanage."

The kids smile put Dicks to shame. Jason would definitely need to buy some sungl-

No Bad Jason no adopting black hair blue eyed children with tragic backstorys. You are not Bruce.

"I get a wish and hot chocolate! Best day ever! Thanky Mr hood."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was early on Christmas morning when Jason gave in. Its been two weeks since he dropped Danny off in a orphanage that looked more suited for rats then children. the kid had never been far from his mind.

He keep his word and had been looking for a home for Danny, but everyone who could take him Jason always found a problem with.

Yesterday when he went shopping he wondered into the toy Isle and left with more then the gallon of milk he went for. The gust room was now equipped with 5 new plushies a night light and a galaxy themed blanket.

Getting up Jason dialed the phone. It was far to early for anyone with normal hours to be awake., but he needed to do this now before he talked himself out of it.

"Hay Alfie, would you mind calling the guy for me-"

I decided to write this instead of sleeping sooo for give any grammar errors. Also merry Christmas Eve!

Inspired by this song:

[everlasting-rainfall]

Hay so I got a question, you see I just read your one shot on yandere imu and I have one question what if the reader tries to kill themselves to get away from imu what would happen then? Also make sure you take care of yourself and drink plenty of water and food stay healthy too many people don't

Unknown anon

Hey! Thanks for the ask, Unknown Anon!! And thank you for reminding me to drink water and eat food because I don’t have the best memory

Also thanks for sending in an ask about Imu! I really do enjoy writing for characters who have done truly awful things though (as long as the awful things aren’t absolutely disgusting…), something about it is just fun.

Anywho, that’s enough out of me! Let’s get into your ask, shall we?

Real quick as well, I probably didn’t do the best job with this so I sincerely apologize if it’s bad.

BEWARE SPOILERS

!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT AT ALL-!

!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!

SUICIDE, SELF HARM, Imu being Imu, Isolation, Immortality, Rainfall Probably being Incorrect about Things, Death, Bathing Together, Being Watched While You Change, Being Locked Up, SPOILERS

!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!

!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT AT ALL-!

So I honestly truly believe that if you were to ever try to take your own life then the key word would probably be try. I don’t think that you’d be able to completely take your own life.

Severely injure yourself? Yeah, but not kill yourself…

With the way that all five Gorosei have regeneration abilities, I assume that unless it’s something related to their Devil Fruits (which it probably is, and I’m just forgetting or not realizing) then I would assume that maybe it’s a power granted by Imu?

Because all five of them being able to teleport, communicate long distances with telepathy, regenerate, and seemingly be immortal. I don’t think I can accept that all of that comes from Devil Fruits.

I have to assume that some of that comes from like Imu granting them these powers or something like that…

So if that is indeed the case then Imu might have given you one of these abilities too just to ensure that they would never lose you. You belong to them after all, and they aren’t going to allow death to take you.

No matter how much you might want to get away from them.

Imu might not even bat an eye when you try to end yourself in that case. It probably does hurt them to see you trying so desperately to get away from your loving partner so much, but you’d never know that.

They know that you’re not gonna be able to get away from then so there’s no purpose in trying to stop you. That is unless you get too insistent or brutal about your attempts.

That’s when Imu will have enough, you won’t be thrown into a cell and left there until you stop. However Imu will have anything that you could use to harm yourself removed from the area until you finally stop or show signs of improvement.

Keep trying though even after things have been removed? Imu’s eventually gonna have enough, and it’s back to the cell where you stayed locked up until you learn your lesson after trying to kill them… It’s for your own good in their opinion…

Now in the event that Imu didn’t or wasn’t able to give you regenerative or immortal abilities? I still don’t see you being able to succeed in what you’re doing…

You’d be able to severely injure yourself, sure and probably almost die. But you’d find yourself waking up back in your bed with medical equipment attached to you, and your injuries stitched shut.

Imu might even be sitting by your bedside doing… whatever it is that Imu does to pass the time… Reading? Knitting? Napping? Making Plans for Something? Who knows, but you might find Imu sitting there

After an event like that, Imu is going to keep an intensely close eye on you… Whatever you’re doing, Imu is there…

Are you reading? Imu’s now sitting next to you looking at the pages of your book… Are you taking a bath? So is Imu, move over… Getting changed? Imu’s in the doorway just staring at you… Going to sleep? Imu’s in bed with you even if they aren’t sleeping…

Imu can’t trust you to be on your own after something like that… What if they had lost you? Imu isn’t risking anything like that…

They don’t care how much this might irritate or frighten you… You belong to them, dammit and if keeping you means doing all of that? Then so be it…

Imu will keep this up for as long as they feel it’s necessary until they feel like they can allow you to be on your own again…

This also might be the time when Imu might also be the most lenient with you as well. Don’t get them wrong though, you still can’t leave or talk to anyone who Imu doesn’t approve of…

But let’s say that you wind up mentioning at one point about something that might help to improve your mental health. Like something you lost when Imu took you, you mention it?

A few days later or even the next day, there it is…

Also Imu would allow you to talk to a therapist, but that would require speaking to someone that Imu probably doesn’t approve of…

So unless one of the Gorosei can act as a therapist, or Imu gets really desperate then you probably aren't seeing one… And with the second case, the therapist would be killed as soon as they had finished their work with you…

Not in a “Our sessions over” and then they’re shot sorta way, but more like “Dear *Insert Name*, I do believe that we’ve made all the progress that we can… I wish you the best…” and then they’re escorted out and killed…

[edgyedgelord]

With Instagram suddenly diving into the AI hay wagon head first full speed I feel like people need to be reminded about something.

ofc warnings for talk about AI and AGI but this is a hopecore post because i'm tired of the fearmongering

From my own personal look into the state of things, AI is starting to look more like a scarier version of NFTs so I choose to believe it's going to fall harder than they did after this high point. NFT's died out when the markets crashed due to courts coming in and commenting on the legality issues in their economy and cryptocurrency. Once they didn't make a good enough profit anymore and the get rich quick scheme died out so did they into obscurity.

I believe AGI and AI as a whole will soon have their theft of content and data exposed to courts or some sort of more powerful folk, like what happened to NFTs after the art theft with that one artist, and we'll see the models quickly fade out and return to just being chatbot partners for the losers who live in basements and swear their ape JPEG is still relevant and profitable.

And if I'm wrong they can't legally stop us from making art nor can they stop us from making counter programs that poison their models, lil reminder that those do exist and some programs are starting to put those into their stuff so you can easily poison your art in the program. It doesn't matter how advance their models get because since the renaissance an artist's main supporter were other artist's. As long as we continue to make and do what we love to do and support one another then that's all we really need.

So, I propose a form of counter attack.

Go to your local stores and look into making a business deal with them to sell your art or offer to produce advertisement flyers, signs, whatever they need. That way you get your art out there and you're supporting other folk struggling in this capitalistic hellscape.

Using the funds you get from that, go through commission pages and support your fellow artists. If you can, try and find the younger or beginner artists to support. We often look over them and they deserve as much support and encouragement as the experts.

And of course don't forget to share around commission ads as much as you can. The only form of advertisement we get is from us reblogging each other's stuff or recommending one another to other folk.

A large reason as to why artists aren't getting support against AGI right now is because of the public eye seeing us as nothing but a bunch of nerds who draw anime all day. We need to prove that we're people with a passion in this stuff and how we're useful. We also need to speak out how most of us are neurodivergent and careers in art are what fits for us best since it plays into our interests and our skills are best equipped for this.

In summary, don't lose hope. The moment you start talking about how advanced AI is and how nobody is supporting us you're basically saying you give up and that is not how you should ever think about anything. In the theme of pride, when everyone else is against you remember that there are others like you who will continue to support and protect you no matter how long it takes for things to get better. Those who led the queer revolution didn't quit when they were being threatened or detained, they kept on leading the parades and now we have openly queer characters and people in mainstream media. Change happens, sometimes for worse, but time and time again do I see that what is right will always come back on top.

I choose to live through this artistic struggle of an era with hope that in the end human produce media with love and passion and talent will come out on top and prove it's worth over artificially generated content. Even better, I keep hope that after this obstacle for us all it will only go to show our resolve and the public eye will finally look at us with awe at the strength and determination that we have.

Art by human hand has existed since we lived in groups in caves as our first form of communication and it still is such. Stories are told through art, messages are delivered through art, and that is something a robot can never recreate no matter how much techbros want you to believe it can. We are some of the most important and strongest people to be on this planet because we are a community of people who have struggled so much that our understanding of human emotion allows us to put that into images made with ink, pencil, pixels, words, sound, voice, whatever medium you may use. We are masters at what makes us human, communication and complex thought and emotion, and that can't be taken away from us.

[writtenonreceipts]

Rowaelin Month Day Twenty Two: Magic/Shifting Lessons with the Kids @rowaelinscourt

Month Masterlist

~1k words, another day of poor editing

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

Father and Son

The screams were what drew Rowan’s attention first.

He couldn’t scent any blood so he knew it wasn’t terribly urgent.  Nor could he scent any pain either.  But when his children were involved, it was best to put an end to screaming as soon as possible.  The last time he and Aelin had tried to let them scream it out the entire west wing of the palace had nearly been destroyed.

So, Rowan picked up his pace as he rounded the corner down to the practice yard where he knew his two oldest should have been working on their sword formations.  He came face to face with a young soldier instead, likely on his way to find him or Aelin.

“Ah, your highness,” the young fae said.  He bowed shortly, refusing to meet Rowan’s gaze. “The children--”

“Are causing problems again, aren’t they?” Rowan finished.  The soldier’s eyes only widened to a comical size. “I’ll see to them.”

Without saying anything else, he swept past the soldier and out to the yard.  It indeed was chaos.

Two of the practice dummies had been obliterated.  Hay streaked in every direction, barrels overturned, and Meiri stood center of it all.  Her blonde hair was, as always, in disarray, and her tunic mussed up.  She pointed her wooden practice sword at a crate where Rowan could just make out Finlay hiding behind.

Oh good.  They were getting along swimmingly.

“Come out, Finlay!” Meiri shouted. She was sixteen and well on her way to taking over the world. “You can’t hide behind that.”

“You’re cheating.”  Finlay, nearly fifteen, kept his position with his own practice sword clutched in his hands.  

Rowan could at least pride himself on the fact he insisted they not use real weapons on each other unless he, Lorcan, or Aedion were present.

“I’m not cheating!”

“Are too!”

“You can use magic too, if you actually tried!”

Meiri’s words were not meant to be cruel exactly, but she was young and confident and could be rather arrogant in her own abilities.  Exactly like her mother.  And Rowan knew how Finlay would take the words all the same.

He waited until Meiri finally noticed him.

“Da!” she exclaimed. “Would you please tell Fin this isn’t how you fight.  He’s embarrassing himself, really.”

“Stand down, Meir,” Rowan said.  He dipped his chin at his daughter who frowned, but lowered the wooden sword all the same.

Rowan nodded in approval before going to the crate where Fin was still hiding behind.  It wasn’t often that the lad acted like this.  He was indeed proud and hated displaying weakness of any sort.  But he was also still young and barely coming into maturity.  Rowan could only guess what was going on in his son’s head.  So he eased himself onto the ground right beside Fin, crossing his arms over his knees in a relaxed position.

Finlay groaned. “Oh, would you just leave me alone?”

He squeezed his eyes shut and banged his head against the crate.

“I’m the only one equipped to handle the two of you when you get like this,” Rowan reminded his son.

“Meiri’s insane,” Fin hissed.

“I heard that!” Meiri shouted from behind them.

Rowan rolled his eyes. “Not now, Meiri.”

His words were followed by a huff and stomping feet.  Rowan waited a bit longer until he knew Meiri had fully retreated to the weapons room.  He looked at his son.

Finlay was a near replica of Rowan himself.  Silver hair, tan skin, and green eyes.  Though…Rowan would swear Fin’s eyes changed on occasion.  No matter.  It was still a bit disconcerting at times to remember the fact that he, Rowan Whitethorn, had a son.  Even if he’d had over a decade to get used to the fact.  

“What happened?” Rowan asked. “Couldn’t summon ice or couldn’t aim?”

Fin said nothing as she stretched his long legs out before him.

“By the looks of it, you got a bit out of control?” Rowan pressed.

Fin banged his head against the crate again.

“It’s hard to control early on,” Rowan said, he tried to channel the way his own father trained him and not what he had learned trapped in Maeve’s oath. “Even harder when you’re still growing into yourself, maturing--”

“Stop talking da,” Fin said, finally looking at him.  It was more like a glare but Rowan would take it.

He smothered a grin and knocked his shoulder with Fin’s. “It’s alright to struggle with your magic.  But you can’t let your temper control you.”

Fin scowled. “I don’t let it control me.”

“Then why will we need to have the servants make new practice dummies?” Rowan asked.  He didn’t want to embarrass his son or make this situation worse than it could potentially be.  But sometimes you had to press and dig to get the answers you wanted. “Seems like something happened.”

Fin kept his eyes trained forward to an alcove across the practice yard.  It was left in afternoon shadows but was as innocuous a place as any to train your attention when avoiding confrontation.

For a moment, Rowan wondered if he should call Aelin here.  She’d struggled with controlling her magic and it hadn’t been centuries since that happened.  Unlike with Rowan.  He could still remember the vague sense of frustration, but it truly had been an age since he’d struggled so much.

“Finlay,” Rowan began as she stretched his legs out before him.  “Sometimes, getting better at something takes longer than we think it will, but that doesn’t mean we give up on it.”

Fin continued scowling. “Meiri teases me for losing control.  I’m trying, I’m trying really hard, da.”

It was true that Meiri’s magic had always come easily to her, that she didn’t struggle with it, that it was simply a natural extension of her being.  And even though Fin had displayed his magic early on--he’d always had a difficult time reigning it in.

“That’s just Meiri,” Rowan sighed.  “But she is your sister, and you do actually have to talk to her about things.  Or we can have one big family dinner and talk about what it’s like to grow up and change.”

“No!” Fin shouted, grabbing the front of Rowan’s shirt. “That’ll just make it worse.”

Rowan chuckled, unable to help it.  He stood and offered a hand to Fin.

“C’mon then,” he said. “I helped train your mother.  I can help train you too.”

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

not ready to try tagging again... but as always, thanks for reading friends

[kvhasproblems]

My essay for my film history class on “But I’m A Cheerleader” and lesbian cinema history:

Reposting this now that school is done lol

I wanted to post this because I found it very interesting while doing my research into queer cinema history. It’s not the best essay and the end could be better but I am a first year Uni student lol. Please don’t like plagiarize or whatever lol. It’s also 2000 words.

Edit: This essay only got a B+ which my worst of the year despite this being my fav one I wrote lol. My prof said that I was trying to cover to much and that it lacked some specificity and details, which I definitely agree with in some parts.

Camp, Queer History and Cheerleaders.

Though lesbians have existed throughout history, history has fought to bury them and their experiences, with the media of film being no different. Lesbians in film were not somewhat normalized until the 1990s; the first major lesbian film in North America (directed by a lesbian) was Desert Hearts by Donna Deitch, released in 1985. This was followed by what some have deemed the Queer Revolution in media in the 90s. With the end of the Production Code Administration or Hays Office (also known as the 'Hays Code') in 1968, it created opportunities for queer people to tell their stories, and with the milestones queer rights took after the Stonewall Riots, the queer community was more united than ever. With the rise of more readily accessible film equipment, movies made by lesbians for lesbians began to hit the screens. It is important to note the distinction between films focusing on lesbian or women-loving-women (WLW) relationships made by queer women versus those made by straight men, as movies made by men tend to have a distinct Male Gaze. As Laura Mulvey said, "In a world ordered by sexual imbalance, pleasure in looking has been split between active/male and passive/female… Women displayed as a sexual object is the left-motiff of erotic spectacle… she holds the look, plays to and signifies male desire" (809). When talking today about popular queer films, most brought up were made in the 90s. Specifically, one film made in 1999 became a cult classic and a staple for queer cinema. But I'm a Cheerleader, directed by Jamie Babbit, is tag-lined as "A comedy of sexual disorientation." Despite its bright colors and Campy comedy, it tackles issues of sexism, homophobia (internalized, externalized and projected) and misogyny.

As mentioned, lesbian cinema did not make an appearance until 1985, which seems late when looking through the lens of North American society today. This late emergence can be directly linked to the mandatory and non-mandatory censorship present from the years 1934-1968 and 1968 to the modern day, which is still being affected by abolished codes set in place almost a century ago. As the film media became more popular among the masses, people began to worry about what was being shown to the populace. To quote Stephen Vaughn, "Fierce debates over the content and control of the new medium arose in the early days of silent film and intensified with the advent of sound technology" (39). He goes on to further mention how groups like progressive reformers and religious and civic organizations wanted (and tried many times) to censor and control not only the content of the films being shown but also the types of people making them (40). Starting from a list of "Do not's and Be carefuls" that aligned with Christian/Catholic values, the Hays Code was created and fully established in 1934. The Hays Code had many guidelines that today would be considered discriminatory, for example, no white slavery and any inference of sex perversion (interracial couples and homosexuality) (44).

Since homosexuality was censored from the screens, people got creative in implying and subtlety making reference to queer struggles and relationships; this became known as Queer-Coding. Even after the end of the Hays Code era and the start of The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), queer people were rarely openly depicted. More often than not, they ended up being queer-coded characters, with the implication being left for the audience to pick up on and read between the lines. As homosexuality was still not in public favour, open depictions, especially those not from the male gaze, were rare and even more so rarely celebrated. The depictions from the male gaze were often harmful, stereotypical and deeply rooted in homophobia. As Melinda Roddy wrote, "People felt compelled to self-regulate as a result of this and the lasting effects of the Hays Production Code of 1930. The film industry was under official or unofficial censorship for nearly half a century, and this restricted the movies that could be made, especially films about LGBTQ+ characters" (126). The Stonewall Riots of 1969 was a needed push for the queer community to further establish queer activism in America, and the Aids Crisis of the 1980s pushed the lesbian and gay communities to become a more unified front. (Prior to the Aids Crisis, the two communities were divided by sexism. "While men who are attracted to men are discriminated against and marginalized by the homophobia of American society, Sapphic women are affected by both homophobia and sexism" (125).) Now having a unified front and queer activists, the fight against homophobia was rampant. This opened up doors for queer filmmakers to tell the story that people fought so hard to censor for decades prior, and so on September 12th, 1999, But I'm a Cheerleader premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival.

The film follows Megan who appears to be your typical high school cheerleader she has an all American football playing boyfriend, she is blonde, wears girly clothes and is a Christian. Except Megan hates kissing her boyfriend, has pictures of bikini-clad women in her locker and is a vegetarian. Fearing their daughter is a lesbian, Megan's parents send her to 'New Directions,' a "rehabilitation" camp to help Megan become "Ex-Gay" in five easy steps. As Megan arrives at New Directions, it can only be described as a campy, life-sized doll house. Before going into an in-depth analysis, it is important first to note what Camp is, as the Camp is not only the main genre of the film but is quintessential to understanding the visual and narrative elements present in the film. To get a brief look into the art of Camp, refer to Susan Sontag's first, third and seventh notes on Camp. The first note on Camp, "To start very generally: Camp is a certain mode of aestheticism. It is one way of seeing the world as an aesthetic phenomenon. That way, the way of Camp, is not in terms of beauty, but in terms of the degree of artifice, of stylization" (2). The third note on Camp is, "Not only is there a Camp vision, a Camp way of looking at things. Camp is as well a quality discoverable in objects and the behaviour of persons" (2). And the seventh note on Camp, "All Camp objects, and persons, contain a large element of artifice. Nothing in nature can be campy" (3).

Though Camp is present throughout almost every aspect of this film, it appears most extravagantly in the set and visual design of New Directions itself. The house mimicked a Barbie doll house and is brightly coloured in almost neon pinks, greens, yellows and blues, with each room having a mostly monochromatic colour palette. This is true to Camp in its distinct level of artifice, as what is a more false sense of reality than that of dolls in a doll house? Camp is used throughout the film to mock the expectations of society, gender roles and the idea that someone can become an "ex-gay." The women are dressed all in pink, a colour associated with femininity and girlhood, and a colour society dresses up little girls to drive home their assigned gender at birth. The steps to becoming an ex-gay include things like cooking, cleaning and childcare, and the stereotypical housewife expectations put on women to keep them isolated and submissive. The men similarly wear all blue and do things like sports, fixing cars and playing with guns, all while phallic-looking symbols surround them, for example, the large blue wrench and wheels in the background of the fixing car scene and the blue cut-out of a man holding a "gun' to another man on his knees in the playing war scene. The film goes so far with the idea of falsehood that the characters' outfits are made of fake shiny plastic at the graduation ceremony, and their hair is done perfectly. They could be mistaken for dolls; it is a visual representation of how they have been forced by themselves and the authority figures to be exactly what they want them to be, not who they are.

Referring back to nothing in nature can be campy; the moments where Megan and the others are true to their nature and self are moments most free from the camp lens. The moment when Megan realizes she is a homosexual starts with light disorientating music and camp over-the-top visuals of her realizations. Her outburst is met with praise and hugs, which is Camp, but as her peers leave and she is left to sob on her own, the absence of back music is prominent as nothing can be heard besides her sobs as the camera cuts back to show her in the now empty room, with no one to face but herself. Most of the private moments between Graham and Megan also lack the falsehood of the majority of the movie. The first real private conversation the girls have takes place outside in nature, down the hill from the doll-like house. At the 36-minute mark, they have an open conversation where Graham says the line, "This is bullshit Megan, you are who you are. The only trick is not getting caught." It is the first time Megan begins to look at homosexuality from another lens, not the hateful agenda pushed upon her.

The contrast between the figures of authority and the subordinate characters is most prominently the level of falseness and Camp. The boy's teacher, Mike, is a so-called "ex-gay," but he constantly eyes up Mary's son and follows all of the behaviours he preaches against. Played by famous drag queen, comedian and advocate RuPaul, who is known for being gay, we instantly associate and see the repression of his character. The most false of all is the head of New Directions, Mary Brown. She is constantly wearing the most eye-blinding shade of neon pink, standing out in every scene she is in like a sore thumb. Nothing about her is natural; her face bears too much makeup, and her tone of voice is a forced grating mimicry of calm collectiveness; even her son is gay, regardless of the steps she takes to fix him. It is comical when she encourages youth to follow their "true direction" when she is never true to herself outside of the compounds of her hate and anger. Multiple times, the figures of authority are shot from a low angle when addressing the subordinate character, making them seem larger than life, towering over the kids, emphasizing the power that Mary and Mike have over them.

But I'm a Cheerleader has become a cult classic within the queer community and has had a long-lasting impact on generations of queer people; for its representation and campy comedy, it explores and subverts traditional depictions of queerness in media while addressing issues of homophobia and misogyny. While some say the Campy comedy hides the complex issues presented in the film, an argument can be made that the over-the-top Camp set design, clothes and dialogue provide a deeper look into the harsh, complex issues that people tend to shy away from when presented with at face value. Gay conversion camps were a serious problem that killed and affected many LGBTQ+ people, some of whom the trauma still harms to this day. But what better way to display and sort through complex trauma than by turning the joke onto the oppressors themselves? Queer cinema has come a long way from the heavily censored era of the Hays Code and, with the efforts of hard work from the queer community, has continued to grow and evolve.

Works Cited

But I’m a Cheerleader. Dir. Babbit, J. Act. Lyonne, N. DuVall, C. 1999, Lionsgate.

Mulvey, L. Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema, 1975.

Vaughn, S.. Morality and Entertainment: The Origins of the Motion Picture Production Code, 1990.

Roddy, M. Sapphic Cinema: An Exploration of Films about Gay Women and their Relationships to American Society in the Reagan Era and Beyond, 2018.

Sontag, S. Notes On “Camp”, 1964

Also special thanks to @schrodingerspsycho for reminding me to post this!!

[theboywithburninghands]

So I pushed through my writer's block. Here's the newest Funnybunny thing. Uh, well, sorta. It's got shipping stuff in it, but most of it is just Jax and getting into his thoughts, and a really nasty encounter with something horrible. The... fun kind of horrible though. Yeah, word of warning, this is a pretty violent little ditty, so if you're squeamish, I'd say either sit this one out or don't eat while reading? I'm damn proud of it either way LOL T/W: Violence, gore, vomit, horror

The Dollhouse Part 2: Reap What You Sow

Jax slid down the tube slide with his hands behind his head. You fall through enough trapdoors and they start to lose their shock value. The slide dropped into a pit full of something cottony and plush. Jax crinkled up his face upon recognizing what he just landed in. Corn silk. The cloyingly sweet smell of corn made him queasy, and he’d be picking strings of silk off of his clothes for hours. 

Jax: Not scary. Just annoying.

Jax climbed out of the pit, doing his best to dust himself off. Silk drifted off of him like hair off a shedding St. Bernard. After he was reasonably clean, he approached the door in front of him and nudged it open with his food. 

Inside was what appeared to be a disused barn, or at least an imitation of one. It was divided into a ground floor and a hayloft. The ground floor had only two things of note, a door, which appeared to be locked, and a tractor. One of those old fashioned ones that curved in the middle and had big wheels that looked more like those on a kid’s wagon than farm equipment. It was caked with rust and would probably crumble into scrap metal if someone managed to start the engine. A rickety wooden ladder led up into the hayloft above. Jax hummed and gripped one leg of the ladder, shaking it. Seemed climbable enough. 

Jax went over to the locked door, finding some words scratched into it with what looked like a knife.

Jax: “In your eye, a promise kept 

Through my eye, a line is swept

I trace the day, a circle spun

A hole in skin, a scarf begun. 

But beware, do not guess wrong

Or they will find you before long.”

Jax sniffed at the poem. Riddles, huh? Cute. Caine must’ve spent a while finding rhymes. Jax examined the lock, pausing to pick another piece of corn silk off his glove. He tried a few of the keys he had in his pocket, but they were all too thick. It was a pretty heavy padlock too, no real way to pick it. 

So what was the riddle for? In your eye, a promise kept… waaaait a minute. He was surrounded by hay. What did you go looking for in a stack of hay?

Jax: “Stick a needle in my eye.” Alright, fair point, Caine.

He smiled a bit at his deduction,  but now came the actual needle in a haystack part. He sighed, cracked his knuckles and began to climb up the ladder. It squeaked in protest a bit at Jax’s weight, and the third rung from the top made an ominous crunch when he stepped on it. He’d have to skip that one on the way down.

The hayloft was full of… well, hay. It might’ve been in bales once, but now it was a big, messy pile strewn over the baseboards. The hay on top was the usual healthy yellow color, but the hay on the bottom was damp and brown. Jax caught a whiff of rotten hay, the smell almost indistinguishable from horse manure. He looked around for a pitchfork or a shovel to make his life easier, but no such luck.

He sighed again, then began to toss hay off the loft, two handfuls at a time. It would have been easier with the others around. Heck, he could have just made the excuse that he wanted to watch for monsters down below while the others dug around in the hay. 

…Nah, it probably wouldn’t go that way anymore, actually. Pomni would scold him for it, or worse, give him those sad, wet puppy dog eyes. And then he’d do it so she’d want to cuddle with him later. 

…That, and it did feel nice to make her happy. Weird how that worked. 

Jax: *sudden coughing fit* Ugh… *hocks and spits* 

Damn haydust… it was like inhaling sand. He was gonna be feeling the grit in his throat for the rest of the day too. Man, he would have pulled out one of his teeth for a bottle of water and a hot shower right about now… Caine probably would have just thrown boiling hot soapy water on him if he asked, then told him to drink said boiling hot soapy water. Idiot.

Whatever. Maybe after the adventure he could go swim in the lake. If he did, Pomni might tag along. Or maybe she wouldn’t, since Ragatha was a thing in their relationship now. …Nah, she could come too. He could play nice with her for a little while. Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember a time when he and Ol’ Rags had ever actually hung out together. He wasn’t opposed to the idea. Other than Pomni she was probably the least annoying person in the circus. Sure, the overly smiley persona got annoying, but… it was… refreshing now and then. So sure. She could come with. Actually, thinking about it, could she even swim…? He’d never seen her in swimwear. 

…Not a terrible image to conjure up… 

Jax stopped to cough again. If Caine’s idea of an adventure had gotten to the point of just doing manual labor, the future looked bleak. He cringed backwards upon touching the rotten hay on the bottom, wiping his hand on his overalls. He wasn’t digging through that with his hands, Caine could sit and spin. He hocked and spat one more time to futilely try and get some of the grit out of his throat, then began to climb back down the ladder. Maybe the needle was in the hay he’d already thrown onto the floor. Even if it wasn’t, there had to be something down there to help him shovel the-

The pile of rotten hay shifted. Jax froze mid step down the ladder, watching the pile of rancid mush churn about, before a small patch of it slid off the greater mass with an unceremonious plop, revealing-

Revealing a-

Jax: What…?

A single red eye, the size of a beach ball, swiveled around from under the hay. Hateful, malevolent, and all too familiar. It was here. 

Jax automatically put his foot onto the next rung on the ladder, determined to leave Its line of sight and wait until It fell back asleep. His stomach squeezed into a knot when the third rung on the ladder messily snapped in two like a stale loaf of bread. His chin thwacked against the floor of the hayloft and he fell a good ten feet to the barn floor. The hay softened his landing a bit, but not much, and he felt a dull, ringing pain in his chin and lower back. He scrabbled to his feet, slipping a bit on the hay, and risked a glance up at the loft.

Its eyes, burning red like irons left in the hearth, leered down at him. Well, hello, little rabbit. How nice of you to come visit. And just in time, I’m famished…

Jax: I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming! Wake up, wake up! *slaps himself in the face# You got too hot in bed, that’s all, wake UP-

Jax yelled in frustrated terror as It lazily flopped over the edge of the hayloft, sending a shower of rotten straw clumps everywhere. Jax’s eyes darted around the area for anything that might help, something to use as a weapon or that needle where was the needle WHERE WAS THE GODDAMN NEEDLE-

Rowstalker: Gnnnnnnnnn…..

It snarled, peeling back Its lips to reveal Its irregular, shattered glass teeth and blight-blackened gums. Those teeth which hurt so badly in mere dreams were now real, and they could finally shred his skin off as easily as peeling an overripe orange. Jax scurried onto the back of the old tractor, desperate for any sort of high ground, not that it would help. It could do anything to catch him… 

Jax: Caine, this isn’t FUNNY! GET RID OF IT RIGHT NOW, DO YOU HEAR ME?!

It bellowed at him, and Jax felt nausea lurch in his stomach. The stench of Its breath was like 100-year-old corn cobs and pulverized animal carcasses rotting on a freeway. He felt his breakfast snake back up his gullet and leaned over the side of the tractor to vomit, a stream of black sludge with a rainbow sheen, like an oil slick. He could have sworn he heard It snort in amusement. “Poor thing, whatever will you do when you’re inside my mouth? Well, don’t worry, you won’t have to put up with it for long after I gnaw your head off and slurp your spine through your neck.”

Rowstalker: Gnnnnnn… CHRRR! 

It lunged for him, missing his leg by centimeters and plunging Its teeth into the left tire of the tractor. Air rushed out of it in an alarmed hiss and Jax fell backwards over the driver’s seat, his head colliding with the steering wheel. Through the smeary lights now dancing in his vision, he saw It pull Its teeth from the tire, air spouting out of it with an almost relieved sigh as the tractor sagged to the left. Jax dimly groped around for the steering wheel so he could hoist himself up before It lunged for him again. His hand slid across the dashboard, accidentally clicking a few powerless switches, and his glove nearly slipped when it ran over the slick, circular face of the odometer. 

Odometer. Something was important about the odome- 

This hesitation, coupled with the haze of hitting his head, led to him being unprepared for Its next attack. He jerked upwards a moment too late as It pounced for him, successfully plunging Its front teeth several inches into his right foot. Jax screamed, his voice raspy from the dusty air. In his dreams, this was where it ended. Once It had him, there was no escape. It would eat him now, immediately chewing him into a wet and mushy wad or worse, take Its time, snapping off his arms and legs first and saving his head for last so the pain lasted as long as possible- 

But… this wasn’t a dream. He wasn’t paralyzed in his bed by sleep. He could move. He could survive. If he didn’t survive, they would never go swimming. He couldn’t remember the last time he had wanted something. He wanted to go swimming. He was going to go swimming. 

Jax: What big teeth you have…! *hoists himself up so he can reach Its mouth and punches one of Its misshapen teeth with all his strength*

It let out a garbled roar of pain and surprise, Its tooth snapping inwards at an odd angle, rotten fluid dribbling out of the partially exposed socket. It let go of Jax’s foot to recoil, shaking Its head around violently. Had It ever actually felt pain before..? No, It couldn’t have. It was against the rules!

Jax looked at the bloodless hole It had left in the middle of his foot. Light shone right through it, and it sparked and stuttered with a glitchy shimmer. Caine’s creations weren’t supposed to hurt them this badly, anything beyond typical “stars and birdies” cartoon nonsense. That could wait, though, he had an opening. 

Jax risked a quick glance at the odometer. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt that it was somehow important. The faceplate was marred and scratchy, so he could barely see the numbers or needle- 

Needle. Of course. 

Jax elbowed the faceplate, shattering it like sugar glass. He glanced back at It, which was still reeling from Its sudden dental luxation, and he stuck his hand into the odometer. Sure enough, he retrieved a long, thin silver key from inside, a fragile little thing no thicker than a sewing needle. 

Rowstalker: GNNNNCCHHHHH!

It made a full bodied lunge for Jax, the rabbit diving off the tractor and belly flopping onto the straw covered floor. The needle-key skittered across the floor and vanished into the hay.

Jax: Nononono-NO! 

Jax attempted to stand but cried out. The massive hole in his foot flared with pain as he tried to put weight on it, jolting with glitchy after-effects as he fell back onto the floor. He glanced over his shoulder and saw It climbing around on the now upturned tractor, no doubt priming Itself to pounce. He frantically climbed forward and sifted through the hay, rotten and fresh, to find the key. A faint glint in a small pile up ahead, there it was! Jax lurched forward and gripped the key, just in time for It to leap off Its perch and land right on top of him. 

Its body was crushingly heavy and Its skin was clammy and squamous, like a reptile or worm, but nauseatingly hot at the same time. It reared back and opened Its vile maw, infected drool, rancid corn juice and a few fat cutworms raining down on Jax’s face. It lunged forward, intent on closing Its jaws around Jax’s upper half, pulling it right off of his hips with one vicious tug. Jax, yelling right back at the creature, swung his left hand, clenched around the needle key, right at one of It’s bloated, scarlet eyes. 

There was a noise like a straw being jabbed through a plastic lid, and It stopped moving. Its maw hung agape in shock. Jax clutched the key, the blade wedged into Its right eye all the way up to the bow. Without a second thought, he cranked his wrist, cutting through the vitreous humor with a fetid, wet squelch. 

It yowled in agony as crimson jelly gushed out of its eye. It wasn’t supposed to feel pain! That’s not allowed! That’s-

Jax, using his uninjured left foot, pushed The Rowstalker off of him with all of his adrenal strength. It tumbled off of him with remarkable ease, still trying in vain to process the amount of pain It was experiencing. It thrashed about on the floor, red phlegm-like goo pouring from Its eye. Jax limped to the exit door, sliding in the needle key with a rather nauseating squishy noise, not bothering to look behind him as he slammed the door shut behind him, leaving him in utter darkness. There was the click of an automatic lock. It couldn’t reach him now. 

He… beat It. 

He slumped against the door. He panted hard and fast for a good five minutes. His foot bloomed with horrible pain, and he grasped it weakly. He probably couldn’t walk on it until Caine fixed him. Caine.

Oh, he was gonna KILL Caine… Later. 

Another door opened across the way, beaming a shaft of light across the dark area. Jax tried to scramble to his feet, but found himself unable to on account of the enormous gaping hole in his foot and how achingly tired he was. Pomni: …Jax? Is that you..? Oh my God, what happened?!

Jax relaxed and fell back onto his butt. Pomni. Pomni and someone else. But Pomni most importantly. His eyes hurt. 

Ragatha: Jax, your foot..! Wh-How did th- a- *coughs, covers her mouth and nose* Oh, you reek! Did you roll around in compost?! 

Jax: Speak for yourself, Rags.  The response came automatically, along with his usual cheeky grin, but it was shaky with  exhaustion. Pomni approached him and gave him a hug, although she held her breath as she did so. Jax savored the hug. Sure, they probably weren’t safe yet. But… he had fought off his worst nightmare. And it was thanks to her. He was… really tired. 

Jax: …I love you guys.

Jax closed his eyes.

[cowboyjen68]

Its really comforting to see a fellow lesbian being able to live their life in the midwest. I love the midwest (I actually live not to far from where youre at) but it is so disheartening to live here when so many people are against you. I live in a state where our governor is dead set on eradicating us, and it gets to be so much to feel all the hate here. I am just so glad to see that youre happy and able to live your life here. It gives me hope that I haven't felt for a while

I feel particulary lucky living in Iowa. When I was coming out I happened to live in Iowa City which has a long and strong history of lesbian activism with one of the first lesbian printing houses and a strong community focused on everything from small gatherings to organized activism to help our gay friends during the AIDS crisis. Those women actively invited in younger lesbians to be their friends and learn from them.

We were the third state to get same sex marriage and it was two friends of mine, a quiet, unassuming couple, who brought the law suit. They sought not to go down in history but to assure they could marry and adopt and have legal protections for their family.

When I moved to this country I immediately became involved in local community out reach. I volunteered with Meals on Wheels and helped tap the Keg in my small towns "big" summer celebration. I helped the neighbors put up hay, mowed their lawn when they had broken equipment and several times helped the familly up the street put the cows back in the pasture and repair the fencing in the dead of winter. I didn't do any of this for any other reason than it is just Me. I like to help and would want someone to do the same for me.

What I have realized through the years is that is helped me in the long run. It is really hard to hate someone who just rescued your wife from a snow drift or drove your kid home when he wiped out on his bike on the gravel road. I can't say I have had any issues living in a red county. I have hung a rainbow flag up since 1999 when I moved in. A new bright flag every June first and removing it when the summer and it is fading.

I do recognize that I am extremely lucky and have a lot of privilege because I just don’t face the anger, outright rudeness, threats or push back that so many lesbians face. I can’t say if my little corner of the conservative midwest is different or I have just been lucky or what. I do definitely feel I have more to fear from political extremism (from both parties if I am being honest) than I do from most of my neighbors whom i have one on one interactions with almost daily. 

I have an older lesbian friend who often says “the best way to win is by living well” and she is right. I don’t need to focus my energy on othering people or by deciding to hate people I don’t know or understand. I can turn that energy into my happiness and making my life and those around me better. I love lesbians and I get up every morning thankful to be one and to know so many. 

[themegachessatron]

A Review of my time in Skyrim's Prisons (Featuring some followers): The Bloodworks

This is chapter seven of my ongoing series to explore and review the prison facilities of each of Skyrim's major cities. In this part we find ourselves in Windhelm, centre point of the Stormcloak Rebellion, looking at a prison with an... unclear naming convention. The prison itself is located inside the Palace of the Kings, in the guard barracks loading zone, so what do I call it? Well, I've decided to refer to the facility in this review by the name affectionately given to it by the people of Windhelm, The Bloodworks. This name interestingly derives from when it acted as a place to contain pit fighters while the Windhelm Arena was in use, but I prefer to think of it as a potential reference to the harshness and brutality of the prison in question, showing clearly that this prison has a very violent and disciplined policy. Does it live up to these ideals? Let's see...

I arrive in the cell provided for my group and immediately the problem is obvious. That's it. That is ALL the floorspace there is. Prisoners are afforded a small pile of hay to sleep on and nothing else. This is by far the most brutal and unforgiving treatment in any prison reviewed so far and shows the Windhelm guard are more than prepared to back up their aggressive attitude to criminals with action, especially when they decide to throw four people into the same tiny cell. Our group had been arrested this time as a result of an altercation in the city streets over the very apparent racial prejudice in the city wherein Sofia in all the madness may or may not have taken the life of one of the market stall runners. In order to both keep an eye on us all easier and further punish us for our crimes the guards had decided to throw most of us into the same cell (Teldryn and Jordan lucked out and got a separate cell nearby). This was not only deeply uncomfortable for everyone involved but also, in Inigo's case, very distressing. After a short while Inigo's tolerance had run out and in a panicked state he forced the door open with his bare hands! Naturally the guards were not best pleased with this.

So next thing I know we're in a firefight. My group had felt the red mist descend and were quite evidently sick of Windhelm's shit, which truth be told I can't blame them that much. A massive melee broke out with spells, arrows and swords flying in every which direction, blood coating the floors in the closest thing to a carpet the prison area will likely ever see. I had wanted to keep this review tasteful but clearly I was in the minority, so senseless violence won the day (hooray) and much commotion was felt during my tour of the facility (not hooray).

Most of the initial combat took place in the holding area. A cold, dirty, cruel place where torture equipment was laid out liberally across the room and indications of past struggles and sufferings were commonplace. Clearly the Stormcloaks preferred getting their justice the hard way, and they were more than well equipped to do so. Everything in this room, from the cell's tiny empty space to the vicious devices being used here perfectly complement the brutal, no-nonsense nature of this facility. It felt more like a vampire den than a city jail, for both better and worse.

While I was examining the fascinating torture devices, my friends had forced the guards into a chokehold at the foot of the stairs leading up to the barracks and ,quite simply, they filled up the booking list for Sovengarde completely in a matter of seconds. Now I understand that my clique is very well-versed in the potent cocktail of combat and "fucking shit up" but even then these guards were very quickly defeated and massacred. Though I suppose it's on brand for the Windhelm guards to talk big but be sent off to Shor's penthouse faster than a very ambitious Alduin who wants to get the whole world-eating thing done and over with quickly. If nothing else, I suppose bloodied walls and floors is expected in this prison, just not from the guards.

An unexpected upside to the aforementioned slaughter is that it allowed me to examine the guard barracks fully without any interruptions, seeing as the entirety of the barracks' occupants were currently twitching downstairs in pools of their collective blood. The barracks in question were rather nice. Comfortable décor, plenty of bedding, effective and functional furniture, the works. It stands in stark contrast to the bloody (not intentionally) cesspit downstairs and shows that these guards were being well cared for by their superiors but unfortunately not well trained as the large pile of bodies just downstairs is proof of.

Also included in these barracks, tucked away in the corner right of the exit down to the cesspit are the evidence and prisoner belongings chests. This is a strong storage location. Any prospective convicts would have to go through the cesspit in its entirety and enter the barracks where the guards are stationed (even if that is a moot point now) to access the chests and retrieve their beloved scroll of conjure storm atronach or whatever it is they use to fight off racists in this part of the country.

The corridor out of the guards barracks was woefully uneventful (I can't for the life of me imagine why), with it leading to a door into the Palace of the Kings proper, which ended up being easier to escape from than I'd anticipated. The good thing about having a lot of dead Windhelm guards nearby is that there was plenty of disguises to go around. We were almost caught again when Inigo's tail accidentally came loose near the front door, but we managed to convince the real guards that it was just a very long, thin bear pelt before leaving.

In conclusion, The Bloodworks were brilliant for what they wanted to achieve, which unfortunately for their review score wasn't a decent prison. The Bloodworks might just be the best torture dungeon I've ever seen, but it is highly insufficient as a city prison and the guards were... well, you saw what happened to them.

Final score: One Scroll of Conjure Storm Atronach out of Ten Scrolls of Conjure Storm Atronach

Thank you for reading this review. Next time we look north to see if we can brave the cold of The Chill in Winterhold.