#believe me i ask myself the same

[wisteriagoesvroom]

"i am not seeing the landoscar vision this year–" bro imma stop you there. was rome built in a day. are we or are we not collectively insane enough to ship whatever we want. other fandom ships have literally been pieced together with twigs. powered by fumes. launched via the tiniest scraps of barest interaction in canon. you do not need more acorns to last the cold season, we in fact have a store of them right under the trapdoor here and the party is still going. you must believe in the power of your imagination, of your delusion, if you are to last this winter season of (dis)content. you must light your candles and believe. we defy the odds that are stacked against us (FIA said no more mclaren unboxed). for one day the sun will shine again (mclaren double podium). and we will stand in the blinding light (tumblr dashboard) knowing that we were the few devoted (insane) enough to hold up the banner and cry "ONE NATION UNDER PAPAYA TWINK RPF!"

[ahollowgrave]

-- all saints' wake.

[puppyeared]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[beanghostprincess]

When the love of your life that you admire and are willing to follow forever until he is at the top of the world tells you he is not going to fulfill your dream and you see it as a form of weakness so you make it your life purpose to resent him because the only thing you wanted was for him to reach out to you instead of letting you go

[heartinhyacinth]

I care.

But do I care like Xie Lian cares for the common people—care as an action, a verb?

I love.

But do I love like Hua Cheng loves Xie Lian—love as an action, a verb?

Xie Lian teaches me kindness and compassion. He reminds me to be considerate, selfless, and merciful. In tough situations, especially those concerning people I don’t love, I ask myself what he would do and if this is how he would handle it. If the answer is no, never…I try to do better.

Hua Cheng teaches me love. He reminds me to be present, patient, respectful, and gentle. In tough situations with those I love, such as moments of impatience or frustration, I ask myself what he would do and if this is how he would treat Xie Lian. If the answer is no, never…I try to do better.

[skibasyndrome]

.

[famousblueraincoatmp3]

What did you think of evil? I remember you talking about it a while ago

i forgot there was a tv show named evil and literally thought you wanted me to review evil

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.

The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.

"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."

And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.

Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.

That person was a child.

I was a child.

It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.

I'm not ashamed.

I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.

I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.

If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.

[ohitslen]

I am here, once again, with my Ao No Flag propaganda

These two specific panels of Toma were the thing that made me think over a year ago “Man. I want to be like that too” as in KAITO drawing expression because—

The subtle shift of emotion, it’s present all throughout the manga, but this is what sold it for me. For no particular reason, it’s not even the best example, it was just what sealed the deal to me

[nexus-nebulae]

me as a kid: i have all these problems

every adult around me: you're not old enough to know what's wrong with you, you're fine

me as an adult: i still have all these problems

my doctors after i finally got the opportunity to choose them myself: oh my fucking god why have you never gotten help for all these problems. you should have seen me 10 years ago

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?

I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.

Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.

Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.

Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.

Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.

Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.

If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.

So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.

[the-busy-ghost]

I have finally emptied the blue bench of all the library books I need to hand back, even though they were terribly photogenic in there, and instead have filled it with all the old children's books I've been keeping around for like fifteen years or more, even though the chances of me ever having children or even passing them on to nieces/nephews/cousins etc is vanishingly small. These are less photogenic but at least it's one way to start clearing the living room of boxes.

Currently strategising how to fit them all in but also wow this is a list of Problematic Children's Authors TM

[amazingdeadfish]

There are a couple different reasons why your ask blog has a lot of non readers.

It’s an ask blog with art

It’s a rare pare with not that much content

THE fan favorite character Macaque is a big part

The fic is really long and hard to get into at this point meaning less people who find it now will actually read it

Ah, I completely get what you mean!

It's a little disheartening to know that, yeah, this is all pretty much true, but I honestly don't blame people because the fic really is... way too long XDDD. Even I am getting a little sick of it to be honest, but there is still so much I need to write down. I'm committed to the bit. Perhaps too committed. I think deep down I always knew this was going to be how it is, so I'm not really surprised.

Even though this is the case, I'm certainly not going to cater the blog to people who don't read the fic (meaning: there is no way in hell am I going to turn it into it's own, separate thing, unattached to the fic series). Because, I'm not actually doing the ask blog for anyone other than myself! You are all just here along for the ride, and regardless if half of you don't even actually understand the full context of what goes on in there, I'm still very thankful for the support nonetheless!

I like to think that I have done my part by explicitly saying on the Master Post of the blog that it is in fact linked to an AO3 series. I mean, what else am I supposed to do? Link the fic to every answered question? Besides, it's not like that will help the situation any better, haha.

Also, I'm sorry about the late reply! I can't even remember how long this has been in my box for, I kept meaning to make an answer and now I've finally done it (to those of you who have also sent me something, rest assured that I am 84% sure that I have received it and the only reason you have not gotten a reply is because I have just... left it there alone for no particular reason XDD).

[unma]

Cats

What's not to love about these lovely creatures? Honestly, growing up I was always a dog person (even despite the fact that I was attacked by one when I was young). But then I realized I wouldn't be able to take care of a dog for, well, a buncha reasons, thought about how it would be to have a cat, and thought, yeah, it would be nice to have one. For so many reasons. The eternally lethargic me could never take care of a dog properly. A cat, though? I probably could.

[apoloniaspiegelgold]

All my life I've been told by all kinds of people that they can never really tell what I'm feeling or what's going through my mind because apparently I'm always just hiding everything behind a smile so that I've become rather unreadable. And then he just. Takes one look at me and goes 'Yeah. I know that face, oh here we go again, she's about to unleash her thoughts. She's gonna bash that theory I just showed her so hard. Where's my popcorn?' I hadn't even said anything yet and he was already laughing.

And to be honest. It's quite nice to be known, actually.

[kavehater]

I’ll never understand younger siblings whining about their older siblings moving away like I bet yall were nasty and annoying too like wow all those years and you claim to adore the older sibling and post oh woe is me the older sibling abandoned me … girl … the older sibling didn’t have a parental certificate or anything.