#being on an emotional hair trigger… mysteriously depressed for days and nothing helps…

[drakerry]

since i got my iud i barely get my period anymore - maybe once every two or three months and only a bit of spotting - and it’s like a weight i never even noticed has been lifted off my shoulders. still interrogating whether it’s a gender thing but the amount of stress, shame, and physical pain i was dealing with regularly… when i could have NOT BEEN? well hello let’s celebrate that

[juletheghoul]

Into The Dark (Part 1)

I literally cannot be stopped and at this point I'm just accepting the fact that my brain is an asshole.

This is basically a murder mystery with supernatural elements. for the purposes of the story - reader cannot be the usual vague vehicle for projection but I still wanted it to be as inclusive as I could be. If you're not into that - no worries I totally understand - we can still be friends. Hope you enjoy!

Reblogs are appreciated

Pairing: Javier x F!(named)reader / Isabella Gonzalez

Word Count: 3.8K

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING; readers twin is a missing person / murder victim, grief, language, implied depression, supernatural elements / reader can see ghosts (nothing graphic) slow burn

----

Fifteen minutes left

The whole day dragged by, the hands of the clock felt like they were moving at half speed and it always seemed to slow even further when you reach that final stretch. That last hour pulled apart, quadrupled.

The bell above the rusted old door jingled as Tom, the town historian, walked in. He gave you his usual friendly wave before making his way towards the back.

“Made it just in time.” You called out after him as he shuffled as fast as he could to the back of the store towards the pharmacy.

“Yep, came right at closing just to make you miserable dear.” He threw a wink over his shoulder at you and you watched as the pharmacist handed him his meds.

Seven minutes left

Might as well sweep up before I leave.

You grabbed the big broom and got to work, ignoring the eyes that followed you silently.

---

The door was always unlocked as a rule and your mother would hear nothing on the subject no matter how many times you broached it.

It hurt to see the little hope she somehow still managed to carry dim slightly when she saw it was you.

“Come help me with these, Theresa dropped them off this morning.” She was holding a stack of papers, more missing posters, you noted her hands were bone dry, full of paper cuts and fragile. A huge contrast to how you remembered them being as a child, long elegant fingers with perfectly manicured nails - those days were gone. Another thing stolen.

“How is tia Theresa doing?” You hadn’t seen your mothers sister in a few months and you knew why.

“Good, keeping busy.” Ignoring me her curt words seemed to say.

“Where’s dad?” The house was deathly quiet just like it had been for years. No loud music, no sports games blaring from the tv in the living room, no signs of life.

“In the garage.” She said it with a sigh and you didn’t broach that either; emotional landmines were to be dodged at all costs. Instead you studied the missing poster. The girl in the picture was smiling, braces on display. A teenager you could imagine gearing up to start highschool. On the cusp of puberty, boys and gossip- beside it was a composite of what she could look like today and it might as well have been a picture of you.

“Let’s go out and put some posters up before it gets too dark mija.” She was wrapping the cardigan tighter around her middle, eyes shining with manic energy, curly hair more white than the black it had been when you were a child. She was standing off in the corner, ever silent - wearing the same sweatshirt she’d been wearing the last time you saw her alive.

She never said anything, none of them ever did but you saw her staring at your mother and it was on the tip of your tongue.

Let it go mom, she’s dead.

“Mami, maybe we should -“

“Leave the door unlocked, just in case.” She swept past you.

“Yes of course, just in case.” You sighed, following her out the door.

—

He couldn’t help but study the office while the Sheriff read his file. It wasn’t a silence that filled the small building, more so a drone. An amalgamation of different things that contributed to the soundtrack of this space, the ac unit was old and by what he could gather, it was working overtime. There was a muted clicking of a typewriter somewhere, a coffee maker sputtering out a fresh pot. He could make out a clock ticking and the soft voice of the secretary outside taking a call.

The rustle of his file brought his attention back to the Sheriff and Javi watched as the man read all about everything he’d done back in his time chasing Narcos in South America. He could imagine which excerpts were putting that expression on his face and he had to turn away. Instead he noted the nicotine stains on the walls and the faded certifications; the state flag on the desk in front of him.

He could get used to the pace here.

“I gotta say son-“ the older man put down the file on the desk between them, his voice full of apprehension. “You’re qualified to take my position. You sure you want to work here? You could easily get into one of the bigger precincts, Dallas or Austin.” He leaned back slightly, shifting his attention back to him.

“Thank you Sheriff, I could but I think this is more what I’m looking for right now, I need a change of pace and I want to be somewhere I can really focus.” The man watched Javier as he spoke and he knew that although older in years, his eyes were sharp. He was studying Javi like he would a suspect, gauging the truth in his words. He seemed to believe him because after a moment's pause he held out his hand to shake.

“Well, welcome to the Sheriff's office Javier.”

—-

Despite how this whole endeavor was essentially a downgrade, he was eager to start. Colombia had been a rigorous test, a brutal marathon with mortal complications and risks and Javi had had enough. He was ready to throw himself wholeheartedly into this community.

Chucho -his father- although a little shocked, was supportive. The son who had at one time been eager to leave and see more of the world was now just as anxious to come back and work in an even smaller town.

He didn’t expect a particularly big welcome on his first day, and he didn’t get one.

What he did receive was a lukewarm smile from the secretary and some cautious looks from the couple of deputies standing by their desks, steaming cups of coffee in their hands. It was only natural.

Even in small precincts like this there had to be the metaphorical dick-measuring contest. They could have it, he wasn’t interested in competing with these guys. He just wanted to dig in and make a difference, however small it might be.

The sheriff had given him a tiny barebones office where all he had was a telephone, a typewriter and an ashtray.

I could work with this.

“I know it’s probably not what you’re used to.” The older man was standing in the doorway as Javier set his stuff down.

You have no idea what I’m used to.

“But it’s what we have to work with - you’ll find there’s not a whole lot to do. Pretty small town, not much noise. We may get a speeding ticket here and there, drunk and disorderly but aside from that.” He left the rest unsaid, Javier understood.

“It’s perfect, thank you sir.” He was being honest - this is what he wanted. A quiet office, quiet work. The older man inclined his head and turned to leave. “Oh sir - wait. I was thinking about maybe taking a look at anything unsolved? Maybe a fresh pair of eyes could help with anything you might have.” He saw a dark look pass over the sheriff at his request.

I touched a nerve there.

“Oh, well.” He sighed loudly. “Yes - there is a particular case you might want to take a look at.” He gestured for Javi to follow him. “There was an abduction a little over a decade ago, a young girl. Not much to go on - few suspects but nothing concrete. No body was ever found and it’s gone cold.”

Javier listened with a frown as they made their way down the hall to the records room.

“No leads at all?” He reached up to grab the box the Sheriff pointed at.

“No, the suspects were interrogated but there wasn’t enough evidence, too many variables and the DA didn’t want to pursue anything without a body.” Javi could hear the anger in the man's voice, this was something that had been haunting him. “You take a look and I’ll help with whatever you need. Hopefully you’ll have more luck than we have.”

----

Javier spent almost his whole first day reading over the case. He was absolutely engrossed. It seemed on the surface to be absolutely solvable.

She had gone missing from what seemed to be a local meeting place for all of the teenagers in town. A quarry just south of the main residential area.

I should go and check it out on my way home.

Her name was Gabriella Gonzalez and she was sixteen when she’d gone missing. There had been an extensive search done of the surrounding area as well as door to door canvassing. There were mentions of the water being dredged but nothing had been found. This girl had disappeared without a trace.

He had to speak to the sheriff about this.

“Sir - I’ve read over the file and I have some questions. Mind if I chew your ear for a few minutes?” He stood at the precipice of the open door - file in hand and he noted the apprehension in the sheriff's face. He definitely took this personally - he imagined it was hard not to in a small town like this.

“Sure - come on in.” He gestured to the chair.

“I can tell this one hurts - what are your thoughts on it? At first I thought it could be solved but the more I read the less sure I am - could this girl be a runaway?” He laid the files out on the sheriff’s desk before lighting up a cigarette.

“I know you’re new so it’s easier for you to be objective but I know this family. These are good salt of the earth people. Gabriella was a great kid - a little bit of a rebellious streak sure but she was at that age. She wasn’t the type of kid to run away. She never would have done that to her parents, and she especially wouldn’t have done that to Isa.” He spoke confidently, booking no argument.

“Isabella, her sister right?” He leafed through the pages as the smoke formed a halo around his head.

“Her twin. They were inseparable, absolutely attached at the hip. She wouldn’t have run away, not without Isa.” He sat back in his chair, hands clasped over his belly. “There were a few suspects, a few characters I didn’t particularly like but not enough to convict. The DA wouldn’t touch this case - too much reasonable doubt and no body.” He was upset and Javier understood why. “The boyfriend for one - he always rubbed me the wrong way but there was a discrepancy with his timeline. There were some kids in the school Gabriella didn’t get along with but they were all solid, everyone was accounted for.”

“You think whoever got to her is in that file?” Javier pointed at the papers with the lit end of his cigarette.

“I think so. We’ve interviewed basically the whole town so unless she was unlucky enough to be taken by a drifter - they’re in that file and we’ve spoken to them before.”

“So not as solvable as I thought.” He crushed the butt end and sighed, gathering up everything as he made his way out. “I still want to try, I’m going to talk to some of these people again - see if I can shake something out.”

“I hope you do, I just ask that you’re gentle with the family - the mother, she’s fragile.” He gave him a look that said she’s broken and although Javier didn’t have children of his own - he couldn't blame her.

“Of course sir.”

-----------

Ten Years Ago

“Isn’t he so cute?” She had hearts in her eyes and you couldn’t help but sigh. You saw him, Jesse - watched him give her a covert glance as he walked by, cigarette tucked behind his ear. She may have been looking at him with rose-coloured glasses but you saw through it all.

“Yeah I guess - everyone says he's an asshole though Gabby maybe you should stay away.” She shoved her gym clothes into your locker - her excuse was that hers was too far to make it in time to her homeroom but you knew better. She just liked lumping herself with you.

“He isn’t though, not when we’re alone. He’s really sweet.” She sighed big. “We’re going to meet up at the quarry this weekend. Just the two of us.” She was floating and it annoyed you, you had a bad feeling about this.

“Let’s go ladies - bell is about to ring.” Mr. Davis was standing just outside the door next to your locker with the usual bored teacher smile.

“Yes sir.” Gabby smiled as she turned to leave. “Don’t tell anyone what I said.” She gave you the look and you rolled your eyes.

“Obviously not.”

----

There was a buzz in the school, you felt it when you walked down the hallways and you had a feeling it had to do with Jesse and by extension- Gabby.

She was waiting for you at the entrance to the cafeteria, her brow furrowed as she gestured for you to hurry inside.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” You asked as she practically pulled you towards an empty table.

“I know he likes me, he’s told me he has but he doesn’t want to be together out in the open. Said he doesn’t want the whole school talking about us but he’s sitting with Christina and they look like they’re pretty fucking comfortable.” She gestured subtly to a full table a few rows over.

He was sitting with one of the popular girls and he didn’t seem to mind that she was all over him.

“Gabby, I told you he was bad news. I’m sorry to say it but it seems like he’s stringing you along. Forget that pendejo.” You pulled her away from the table to buy something to eat but she seemed more angry at you than him.

“You don’t understand Isa, he’s different when we’re alone - he talks about how much he hates it here, he makes me laugh.” She was remembering something and you raised your eyebrows.

“If he wanted to be with you, he would. It wouldn’t be a secret and he wouldn’t have to flirt with some girl at school. Whatever his bullshit is, you don’t need it.” You stated your piece and she kept quiet, which you knew meant nothing you said made a difference.

——

Present day

He made it a point to stop at the quarry on his way home, almost missing the turnoff in the process.

He drove slowly through the overgrown road, leaning forward in his seat to focus on the terrain.

Last thing I need is a flat tire.

He parked at a little clearing and made his way down the faint path leading to the water. He noted the torn, faded pieces of caution tape scattered in the dry bushes and it wasn’t long before he was standing at the edge of the water.

He took in his surroundings, the obvious signs of previous visitors. Broken beer bottles and a pit that had at some point held a bonfire. Pieces of wood surrounded it and he could see the appeal of this place for a bunch of teenagers stuck in this town with nothing else to do.

There was a small shrine to the missing girl, weathered teddy bears and sun-bleached pictures nailed to a tree in the periphery.

He studied the site, the messages of love and support. Pleas for her to come home safe and it broke his heart a little. She was just a child.

He did a small circuit of the area, seeing if anything jumped out at him. It was beautiful, but eerie. Maybe it was the knowledge that someone had come here and snatched her away. A place where local kids came to get away from parents and school, and someone had used it as their personal hunting ground. He didn’t want to be here after dark.

He left with a bad taste in his mouth.

—-

The sun was scorching hot, a hot blanket thrown over everything; a mirage vibrating over every inch of pavement and you thanked your lucky stars not for the first time that you didn’t work outdoors.

The store was mostly empty and you busied yourself with reading a magazine. The bell jingled when he walked in and instantly you knew he was law enforcement. He was smiling wide, making his way over to you directly and you knew what this was about.

“Good morning Miss, my name is Javier Peña, I work in the sheriff's office.” He held out his hand and you shook it politely. He was handsome, brown eyes and brown hair, slim with a Burt Reynolds mustache. “I’m looking into Gabriella’s disappearance, and was wondering if I could have a word with you.” He said it clearly and it was hard not to raise your eyebrows at him. “I’ll be at the diner just there, come over and find me when you take your break.”

She hasn’t disappeared. She’s dead.

“Hi Mr. Peña.” You responded hesitantly, a little reluctant to speak about this today. “Sure, it shouldn't be too long, see you in a few.”

“Please, call me Javi, take your time.” He gave you a tight-lipped smile before making his way out.

You watched him go, thinking back to all of the investigators that had come before him. All of them interested in Gabby, all of them giving up quickly.

It was hard to imagine but it seemed hotter than before, you could see the shrubs moving but the breeze that moved through them was scorching. You could hear the air conditioning unit screaming from just outside and although it was nowhere near as cool as you’d hoped - it made a difference.

He was sitting at the far booth, his back to the wall with his sights on the entrance, he wasn’t alone at his booth which would have been news to him. He couldn’t see her, no one could; except you.

He rose when he noticed you, gesturing to the seat across and you sat silently.

“Can I get you something? A coffee?” He gestured to the waitress and she came over with another cup.

“Oh - sure thanks.” You knew the waitress, and she greeted you when she came over to pour you a cup, and to top off his. You smiled and quickly avoided her eyes, no room in your brain for the pity in her expression today. The invisible girl in the booth watched the man with interest, it always surprised you how no one felt it.

“I’m sure I’m not the first person to come asking about your sister, but I plan on really digging in. I’m not going to give you a timeline or a guarantee that I’m going to figure out what happened and bring her home - but I can tell you that I’ll do my absolute best.” He was looking at you intently and it was hard not to tell him he wasn’t the first person to make similar promises.

Everyone gives up in the end. You will too.

“Thanks, I appreciate the effort.” If he heard the doubt in your voice, he didn’t mention it.

“So, I just want to ask you a few questions about Gabriella and the day she disappeared. Just want to get a feel for what happened and make sure these accounts are correct.” He opened up a file and laid it out. “She went missing on Friday, June 5th - 1981 correct?” He was looking at his notes.

“Yes that’s right.”

“Can you tell me what happened in your own words? Just a quick summary of what you remember?”

“Well-” You took a deep breath, avoiding her eyes. “We got up and went to school like always, it was a normal day but she left without me. We were both on the volleyball team but she skipped practise and went home to get ready.” He was watching you intently, his brown eyes intense and focused. “She had secret plans that day - I told the original police officer when my parents reported her missing. She had plans to meet up with Jesse at the quarry - no one knew about it except the three of us as far as I know. Jesse, her and I - I covered for her for a couple of hours knowing she was with him - or so I thought - but when my friend called me saying she saw him at the movie theatre alone I got worried and told my parents.”

“I see, this would be Jesse Garcia correct?” You nodded. “Jesse’s statement says that he was late to the quarry - that he fell asleep after school and when he finally made it there she was already gone.” He read what you imagined was Jesse’s statement.

“Yes, that's what he says.” Her eyes found yours and you ignored them.

“Do you believe him?” His brow was furrowed, the smoke and his thought process evident on his face.

“It’s hard to. My sister was obsessed with him but I don’t think he gave a shit about her, I want to believe he’s telling the truth because he had no reason to hurt her.” You thought about Jesse, he still lived in town and people still whispered about him. It didn’t matter if he did it or not, the town had made up its mind - and according to them he was guilty.

“Do you think she was hiding anything from you?” He asked softly.

“What do you mean?” It was your turn to furrow your brow.

“Do you think there was a chance he might have had a reason to hurt her? Do you think maybe there was something there? They were secretive about their relationship - by all accounts no one knew except the three of you - could she have possibly been pregnant?” His voice was almost a whisper and you knew he was trying not to come off as insensitive. You’d thought about this before, of course she could have been but something told you she wasn’t.

“She would have told me. We told each other absolutely everything - if she had lost her virginity it would have driven her nuts keeping it from me.” You weren’t angry at his question, it made sense.

“Is there anyone else who you think might have had a reason to hurt Gabriella?” He closed up the files before crushing the butt of his cigarette in the overflowing ashtray in front of him.

“No one. We did okay in school in terms of friends, got pretty good grades - we were overall good kids. There was no reason for anyone to kill her.” You finished the last of your coffee. Your break would be over soon.

“What makes you certain she’s dead? Is there even the slightest possibility that she ran away?” He seemed almost hopeful, maybe he thought you’d tell him something no one else knew.

I know she’s dead, because she’s sitting right beside you.

“She’s dead. She wouldn’t have left me behind.”

---

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[damselofblueroses]

The Children of Paradise

Summary: Set three years after the Rumbling, a young captain of Paradise Island, Anna Doukaina suddenly learned that her husband alive during the Paradisian Revolution.

Warnings: MANGA SPOILERS AND ESPECIALLY CHAPTER 139, Descriptions of Depression and Grief, Mentions of Death, Emotional Hurt. Progress of the fiction contains nsfw / Smut, minors please do not.

Note: The idea of Paradisian Revolution and the transformation of Historia Reiss are the offspring of my imagination, I would like to think about how would Levi's aftermath of the Rumbling be in my head after I read chapter 139 :)

Word Count: 6.7k

Chapter 1: Misery of the Sea

The sky on the horizon was not dark at all.

It was shot with crimson, like a splash of blood.

And the ashes blew towards us with the salt wind from the sea.

“Just a retired one.” I said to myself in quietly. “Just like you.”

It did not help to inflate my ego and bolstering my self-confidence. I looked at to my hands, were they still in crimson, after I have been washing them over and over again?

They were pale as the moonlight, there were no single spot which was dirty on my body. I have been scrubbing my skin like wanting to tear myself from my mortal and sinner flesh since years, being a clean freak was just a default feature of my contract.

I made that deal long time ago.

When there was no white in my hair.

I could still recall the memories of selling my life. If Commander Smith could hear one of us, he would correct our words as devoting ourselves, our hearts to the salvation of humanity, however, even he knew that all of us were lying. Those high hopes, from the morons who wanted to serve humanity to the daydreamers who thought the war could be ended were buried under six feet, their remains already had to be become manures.

All of them became tools of nutrition; some of them for titans, some of them for animals, some of them for plants.

But in the end, the circle of life just continues.

And there we go. Again.

I was rubbing my hands to each other. I hate the weight of weapon, after I had to use them against humans. Against my team members, against my squad, against my friends.

In the end, the circle of war just continues.

I did not sign the deal for killing my comrades, my friends, my family. I was taught to destroy the fucking titans, not my kind.

How was I ended up in Military Police?

That was the biggest mystery of my life. I was ranking around 13th, I did not want to be in MP, therefore, I chose to wear the cape by myself. That was my bloody agreement.

I wanted to have my own wings.

When I remember that 14 years old girl, I could not help but smile at her naiveness. Her hopes. Her desires. Her dreams and loses.

I was a fool who believed humanity could be saved from the fate pending on it. Sometimes I could hear that girl’s voice in my head, lecturing me on how I could help the others, how I could be useful for humanity.

Humanity can go and fuck themselves.

I had no debt for people, I had already given to them everything I have.

So why the heck you are here, holding a rifle and targeting a high ranked commander of Yeagerist Unit?

My answer was so simple. I did not have anything to prove to those rats over the streets, but I hated to live in a new war. My war was ended when Eren Yeager and his rumbling were defeated, my war was ended when I saw that girl, Mikasa Ackerman’s endless longing for Eren Yeager, poor girl was spending her days and nights just for being with a ghost, a memory.

My war was ended when the Titan Curse was broken.

I was mourning for the people I lost since I was 10 years old. Losing my beloved ones started before I joined into the army when my entire town was smashed by an unexpected titan attack. They reported the incident like this, unexpected, if someone could expect a titan attack. I still had nightmares which composed by the screams of my friends and my family.

Worst… My little sister’s.

There were a few of survivors, a cousin of mine, me, two neighbours and a father, a grandma, four kids, a baby, and my grandpa.

We moved to Shiganshina before its doom before that those shit-faces Reiner and Berthold attacked to there. My grandpa died after one year when we started a life in the suburbs of Shiganshina.

I was all by myself.

There was two options ahead of me, join the army or work as a maiden. There was a shortage of jobs where I could work as a handmaid, so I went to the registration. I had to find a shelter for myself, there was no one who could take care of me, I had no one who I could trust on. I had to join into military if I wanted to live even for couple of days more.

Commander Smith would be rolled on the other side in his grave, but I never devote my heart to a fucking noble aim or shitty high hope.

I just did what I had to do in order to survive.

But survivingcosted me everything I had.

I was around 11 years old when they took me into the training and since then my heart became a graveyard of my beloved ones.

To my dismay, I had a perfect memory. I remember almost every day of my life, beyond, even the little details that were given to me, Hange and I were not very close for nothing.

Hange…

I was mourning for my friends. My comrades. My companions. My lover.

Nonchalantly I touched my left ring finger and rubbed it before pulled the trigger.

Why I am here and continuing to fight?

My war had not been ended yet. I was mourning but I refused to mourn for those people who died for their purposes. That’s why I was pulling the trigger, putting my life at risk again and killing that bastard with a single bullet.

I knew that my comrades were still watching me above, I would do everything to make them proud. That’s why I was still fighting back with a world where it was extremely cruel.

I used the bricks as a natural shield for myself and disassembled the rifle as fast as possible.

“That was for Hange, you bastards.” I murmured to myself. “She did not die to see Paradis under the yoke of your crazy queen.”

I could feel that Hange was nodding at my words just like she was standing next to me. I knew that no one from my comrades could approve this world where Historia Reiss ruled and transformed it to another planet only to fight.

Tatakae, was our motto. Tatakae, was our national anthem. Tatakae, tatakae, tatakae.

I remembered once I have heard this from Eren Yeager when they kept him into the prison, when Hange went to see him.

He was repeating tatakae like a chant, but I was sure he did not sacrifice everything he had just to see a mad queen on the throne of Paradis, or the army that was named as Yeagerists and divided into new units.

What did it mean? Being a Yeagerist?

Supporting mass genocide or sacrificing yourself for a plan?

For me both options were not the best ones, but if I had to prefer, I would sacrifice myself for a plan like breaking the titan curse.

But in my understanding, there was no place to the toleration of a control freak queen and her decisions to start another endless war.

That’s why I was walking around my second destination today. I was very famous of my quietness, speed and logic especially when it came to assassinate someone.

I learned every trick and move from a retired criminal.

I was like a sculpture on his hands, and he craved me till I became exactly what he wanted.

I sat on the edge of roof and started to count.

Revolution, we call this. Revolution.

I pulled my trigger again and did not bother to see the result. I knew that I killed two important commanders, and I was going to kill the last name for today. The headmaster of the palace, Edward Strauss, then I could go back to the home.

Liberty, we call our aim. Liberty.

Have we ever got a proper taste of liberty?

Have we ever got close to be free?

Have we ever reached a point where we could live far away from the sounds of broken bones, the smell of blood?

Have we ever just enjoyed our lives and let ourselves to live freely?

“That was for Levi.” I whispered before started to walk again. As always, saying his name was the hardest one. I had any idea about his life, I even did not know if he was living or not after the explosion, but I always made sure that naming him among my beloved ones.

He was.

“Please, join me, Captain Doukaina.”

I smiled to the young, energetic blonde boy who was sitting on the bench by himself in the middle of night. His ocean blue eyes were not as same as the time we met.

“You are grown up, huh, Armin?” I bestowed my hand to him. His face was brightened. “I have heard your stories enough for a life-time.”

“I tried to do my best.” he was modest as he was a trainer. “But my best was not enough to save everyone.”

Poor kid. He was still in pain of losing his friends. Eren and Mikasa were the closest thing to a family for him. His shelters. I remembered the day when they went under the yoke of Shadis. Armin was really tiny to be compared with a lot of boys instead of Eren, Jean or even Connie.

“It was not about your efforts.” I was very honest. “All of you did your best, but you cannot challenge to some paths. You knew better than me.”

“Yeah.” he beamed. “I learn the paths with all my heart, Captain.”

I remembered this kid was one of the nines…

“Armin,” I raised one hand. “Can you stop calling me as captain? I already dropped the titles I had once. Call me Anna. Just Anna.”

“Okey, Anna.” he tried my name on his tongue just like my name was tangy. “It is a little bit hard; you know.”

“Old habit never dies.” I beamed to him, enough to made him blush a little bit more. “So, how was your day before I bumped into you?”

“Extreme.” he smiled. “I am trying to deal with two lieutenants who do not want to cooperate with us, however they already joined into the resistance. I cannot let them go as they know so much.”

“What do you think to do?”

“I am going to persuade them.” he burrowed his eyebrows. “I wish the things could be different, but we are still in war.”

“Who are these two lieutenants?” I murmured. “If they will not change their minds after your speech, maybe we have to go for different tricks.”

“One of them is Lieutenant Arya Springer, a distant cousin of Connie; the other one is Lieutenant Johann Willenburg.”

“I know Willenburg.” I sighed. “A total blockhead.”

“Well, he is one of the best shooters.” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “There was nothing I could do when he wanted to join since he has a strong reputation.”

“Yeah, these guys are so stubborn when it comes to fucking reputation.” I exhaled. “They want all the heroes in their team.”

“I could kill someone to have Captain Levi in my team.” Armin laughed. “But he rejected to come back with us.

I stared at Armin like I could not see him anymore. His words were echoing in my mind like a severe, horrendous, and horrific chant that had given hope to the audience, hoping that everything was going to be okey at the end.

“Cap- Anna?” he reached to me. “Anna, are you okey? Shit, you look like on the verge of fainti-

“Armin.” I grabbed his hand with all my strength. “Armin, tell me, is Levi alive?”

“Yes, he is.” he gave me a weird look. “He is in Marley, living with Gabi and Falco, do you remember those two Marleyan kids?”

Levi is alive.

“He did not contact with me.” I murmured to myself. I was not seeing Armin for real, I felt dizzy, my heart was pounding, my breathing pace was quickening, my blood was rushing in my veins. “Why did he not alert me?”

“How much you know about Captain?” Armin carefully interrogated. “I mean after the Titans war?”

“I only know the explosion because of that fucking monkey.” I hissed. I cannot feel my legs. “My knowledge is little, I could not learn anything, there was no one to tell me.”

“Do you want to learn?”

“What kind of question is that Armin?” I yelled without control. “I want to learn what the fuck happened to that bastard!”

“He does not want to be back, because he is not the Captain Levi Ackerman anymore. At least he thinks like that.”

“Ha?”

“After the explosion, Captain Hange found him, actually saved him from Floch and Yelena. To sum up, he was healed, he was still fighting when we ended the war, but his all body is covered with scars, he lost one eye and two fingers, in addition he has some problems with his legs. He uses a wheelchair time to time.”

My chin was dropped into the ground while my soul was leaving my body.

“So?” I heard my voice. “But he is alive, right?”

“Yes, he is.”

“And he thinks we do not need him anymore.” my brain started to function again. “Son of a bitch, he believes that we could not need him.”

“Exactly.” Armin approved. “At least this is what I believe also. I mean, I tried to have a civilized conversation with Captain, but you know how he is. He just sent me off.”

“You cannot have civilized conversations with Levi Ackerman.” I looked at him by gaining my self-control again. “Armin, you are the leader of this resistance. I want to go and drag him back.”

“Ha?” I knew I caught him guard off, but I really had no fucks to give.

“I am going to Marley.” I stood up. “If he thinks he can save his ass from this hell, he is wrong.”

“He does not want to s-

“He is going to see me.” I cut the shit off. Although his words, Armin was watching me with an admiration. “He owes me, you do not know how much he owes me.”

“How much he owes you?” he asked diligently. This was something about Armin, he was always so careful catching the nuances.

“A life.” I was not a sweet talker; I have never been till now. I suddenly scrubbed the wraps on two of my fingers like I have been doing every time I had talked about Levi. “If you will not let me to go, I have no choice but break some bones of your body, so you cannot prevent me.”

“You cannot across the sea without the documents in need, money and protection.” Armin raised his hands. “I do not object you, if you think you can bring Captain Levi back, I fully approve that. But you ne-

“I already have everything you mentioned. I have money, I can protect myself better than anyone can do for me, and I possess the documents, my identification card, my health report and insurance. Marley wants to see them, right?”

“Yes.” Armin nod but it was very clear he was surprised. “Since when you prepared all of these?”

“Do not make a wrong deduction.” I inhaled. “I did not prepare them in order to flee if I have to. My brother is one of the soldiers who chose to stay in Marley, I keep those documents because I wanted to be organized.”

“Well…” Armin stood up. “I guess there is no way to stop you, you will do what you decide on. I give you my consent, no better than this, I command you as the leader of resistance. Go and escort Captain Levi back to Paradise.”

“Your wish is my command.” I groaned and shook his hand. He was a little bit confused, he hesitated to send me over, but he exactly knew that he could not halt me.

Nothing can avert me from my way at this point.

My blood was boiling, I felt like someone was choking me. I could not believe that Levi was still alive and to my dismay he let me to think he was dead.

I spent last three years to mourn for him, and he did not bother himself to let me he is alive.

I rushed back to my little flat where the memories really became a burden. Every night was another nightmare in this place, every piece of the area carried something belonged to Levi.

I really cannot recall every minute I whimper his name, crying and longing for him.

And he did not let me know.

Since when he became a selfish bastard like this?

How could he?

I grabbed some clothes, the basic requirements in need, some food, and beverages into my luggage. Even this fucking luggage belonged to Levi once. I angrily wiped the tears off, I was definitely frustrated, mad and horrified by his extremely self-centred decision.

So, he is living, and he let me to believe that he is dead?

Unbelievable.

How could he do that to me?

I even did not bother to check how could I reach to Marley. I only know that I had to go to the ports, that was going to what I do. I left the home and started to my new journey.

When I will find you, Ackerman, you will pray to be dead.

Marley.

I was sitting on the benches of the boat by watching the notorious walls of Heaven, at least, what had been left from that. Paradise made sure its destruction, but some parts of the walls were still visible if you knew where to look.

That was my biggest problem, I always knew where to look and follow what I saw.

Even now, my biggest problem is connected my ultimate problem: Levi Ackerman.

He was always what I saw, whose I followed without even a single hesitation. Wherever Levi goes, I go, that’s my deal.

For a moment, 18 years old version of me appeared in front of my blurry eyes. I still could see her arms tangled around her chest with a determined face expression, standing before Commander Erwin, being examined by curious eyes.

“Captain Levi wanted you into his squad.” Commander slightly raised his eyebrow. He was more than curious; it was very obvious that he could not see a logical reason behind Captain’s request. “Before approving your promotion, I would like to ask you one question.”

“All ears, Commander.”

“You devoted your heart, no discussion on that.” he stood up and took his steps towards me. I was suffocating because of the power his glare. “But to what? I always wonder that.”

“To whom, you mean?” I questioned his question, for a second, a ghost of smirk formed around his lips but as usual he controlled himself so swiftly. He approved me with his head, I knew that today or tomorrow I had to answer this question.

I was too tired to hold it back.

I was too naïve to try to disguise my true colours.

“I devoted my heart to Captain Levi.” I said. Plain and clear.

Commander did not reply to me. He just looked at me for a minute then smiled. I was afraid of seeing his smile, with all my respect to him, when he smiled, I always felt the goosebumps all over my body, his smile was irking my self-defence system. I felt like I was trapped and dragged into something I should have not want to do, but I was supposed to perform.

When Commander smiled, I felt like I was a puppet in his hands like every cadet in the Scouts.

I had been questioning every incident, decision, and stage of my life since that day. Was I really acknowledged of my words when I blatantly stated my devotion to Levi?

What had I gained in return of my devotion?

A journey to Marley by myself, countless corpses on my conscious and permanent blood traces on my hands.

A myriad of sleepless nights.

Longing for someone who never comes back.

I clenched my fists over the fabric of my skirt. I hated wearing skirts, but Levi persuaded me to wear them when we had to peel ourselves out of uniforms.

I always suspected Levi had something with the skirts, those soft and pastel ones.

What the fuck you are thinking right now?

I could feel my nails digging into my palms, they were going to leave some marks for sure. Maybe a little bit blood too.

Maybe I should have kept myself in Paradise, with my duty. I could distract myself with new missions, new plans, and decisions. Maybe it was not the best option for me, maybe I really had to respect his decision and never went on board to drag him back.

Back to hell.

To the hell he lost everyone whose were very dear to him.

I was cruel and reckless, he had been losing more than anyone else, he had been in such a hell even before people labelled him as the humanity’s strongest. Just once he told me how sick and tired he was of that humanity’s strongest shit.

How much he wanted to leave all these behind himself.

And now, I was on my way to drag him back.

I could feel the panic started to invade my body and affected my limbs; I immediately bit my lower lip in order to keep my mind straight.

Even this little trick, you learned from Levi.

A strong smell of salt rushed all over me with the promising sound of waves. I lifted my head up, my hands automatically turned into the fists.

He already dared to break his promise, why should I care for his thoughts and desires? He did not think of mine, he decided all by himself. Why should I be upset for him?

I could easily forgive him, to be honest, I have already forgiven him for leaving his hell behind. What I have been not going easy on was his decision to leave mebehind like I was a part of his personal abyss. He was the last one who could break a promise, and he never choose a path which could make him to regret of his selection. I knew his way of thinking to the bits, in these circumstances more than I could wish for, if he concluded on the way to follow, he made sure that he would not be regretful. Needless to say, if he chose to leave me behind, it was the solid proof of his view of me.

I mourned for him every second of my life since the end of war, my feelings were always so complicated towards Levi, but I was always certain on my love for him.

My feelings were not reciprocated. I could understand my one-sided affection and its heartbreak if he did not give me a promise for lifetime.

While the boat was arriving the shores of Marley, I was definitely not in my best mood. I could not name all the frustration, fear, anxiety, anger I felt, but at the same time I was so excited. The silence of my mind was sudden and was not like it normally was, it was a total, dead silence, laden with an uncomfortable tension that cut me like the edge of dull blades. There were words on the very tip of my tongue that every inch of myself burned to scream, but my lips were like sealed. My posture was changed by our arriving to the port of Marley, I stood up and took a deep breathe. The air was so thick, I could not deny but I remained bound by unspoken thoughts and empty promises. When the doors were opened to the passengers, I grabbed my luggage and stepped into the foreign lands.

I have been in Marley before for educational reasons. After the war, I was one of the soldiers or civilians who were selected as the students go abroad, I spent two years here by attending college. After graduation, the government of Paradise assigned me as the head of royal library because I denied giving courses to the students.

I could work as a librarian. I could not work as a teacher, not again, I could not bound myself to the pupils. Even thinking about having students around me causing a lump in the middle of my throat. I was not made for mentoring kids, as my own history could vouch for that.

I still hear those screams.

Memories were stuck in my head and for the life of me, I could not erase them from my thoughts. Every little step I took, the labyrinth of my memory has been providing me with a new reason of pain. Anger. Frustration. Sadness.

Loneliness.

I have been always by myself. I fought for my life, my troop, my battalion, my people, my country, and there was no end of the shitty list. Dedicate your heart, we have been trained, dedicate your hearts. My eyes were masked in sheer layer of moisture, I knew, my tears of anger because the world was being nothing but cruel to me. I knew this way of thinking was not being entirely rational, I wanted to hear that it was not my fault, I wanted someone to praise my efforts.

And that someone has been living the best of his life in a little shop where it occupied a very good, visible spot of one of the main streets of city, where I was standing just in front of the door.

I had been losing the understanding of time, but when I found myself in front of the ivory-coloured door, of course Levi would kill someone who can even propose choosing another colour, I checked my clock.

Should I go inside?

I did not know why he did not send a message to me, and I did not fully recall all the circumstances of our shared past, either. I was so determined to see and drag him back, but now, all I remembered was the feeling of falling, crumbling, crawling, and seething pains before blackness. There were blurry bits and pieces, but when I tried to reassemble them, there were just the colour red. Red again, crimson red.

What should I say if I go inside?

What will happen if he is inside?

What if he would be disappointed to see me?

I reached to the knub of door, however all power I had till now was leaving me. Emptiness was what I felt, there was no driving force, there was even no anger against his crimes.

My heart was pounding on my throat, my sight was blurry, then I let the knub of door and turned my back to the shop. I did not want to see what was inside of that little tea shop, even thought it was one of the smallest shops I have ever seen, it was certain that that shop was bigger than my life and more valuable than me in the eyes of Levi Ackerman.

Although I was full of retaliation feelings, I could feel anything but my love for him.

Why should I step back into his life again, when his decision keeping me away from him is clear as fuck?

The city lights peeked through the cracks of the pavement, creating a jagged patch of gold in the way as I took it as a sign for me in order to keep going by myself. I just looked at the door once more, then I inhaled.

I have to write an explanation to Armin as formally. He loves me, but he is not the type of letting the issue go.

“Excuse me?” I heard a young but strong boy voice. “Captain Doukaina?”

I closed my eyes, because I recognized the owner of this voice like hearing it just one yesterday. I kept remain to walk, acting like I did not hear my name but just in one second, a cheerful, energetic face jumped into me.

“YOU ARE RIGHT, FALCO!” Gabi screamed all the air out of her lungs. “SHE IS CAPTAIN DOUKAINA!”

“Ah.” this was only thing I could said. “Hi, Gabi.”

She hesitantly looking at me, her arms were reaching to me, but she knew that I had been refusing to talk with her for long time until that night I had to keep both of them between my arms, protecting them as the frightened kids who survived.

“You can.” I approved her attempt. “We are not enemies, and I am sure both of us changed a lot.”

She did not wait to hear the end of my words; she just hug me like I was the miracle of life. Falco, always kinder than Gabi, patiently waited for his line.

More like waited for Gabi not being extra.

“How are you?” he asked me politely, I could laugh his disgusted face towards Gabi who was circling around me by murmuring an inaudible song.

“I am very well.” Liar. “I hope you are doing well, either.”

“Yes, we are living with Uncle Onyankopon and helping to Mr. Ackerman for running tea shop.” Gabi shared this two information with everyone on the street.

My heart was hammering in my chest to hear that Mr. Ackerman, I hated myself for my reaction, but the kids were unaware of the glossiness glazing over my eyes.

“Did you come to visit us?” Gabi asked. “Why it took this much, we have been waiting for you since the end of war?”

“Gabi, please have some manners.” Falco murmured to her. “Captain Doukaina has her own life, you knew that.”

“Ah.” Gabi stopped and looked at me in the face. “I am sorry, I did not want to be rude, but I thought you would have come very long time ago. We missed you.”

“I did not know where you are.” I spilled the beans without thinking. “No one told me.”

“Uncle Onyankopon said tha-

“She means that maybe there was a problem between Marley and Paradise communication ways.” Falco made a heroic attempt to save a secret from me, but I was playing the game even before he was born. I gave him my signed deathly glare and turned back to Gabi.

“What he says?”

“Mr. Ackerman insisted on you have to live your own life.” Gabi grumbled. “Falco and I tried to persuade him to call you here, but Uncle said he could not dare to play against to Mr. Ackerman.”

“Mr. Ackerman can go to hell.” I cursed beneath my breath. Falco heard me for sure, but Gabi was so busy giving me a detailed story of almost 5 years after the war. Mostly I did not listen her, but I caught two important details.

She knew that I attended college here in Marley.

She knew that I was the head of royal library in Paradise.

Are you still watching me Levi, or she knows these because of another reason?

“Would like to come inside?” Falco interrupted Gabi’s endless stories. “I strongly believe that you came here today, we have fresh bakery and tea, and we happily serve them to you, Captain.”

“Call me Anna.” I smiled to him. What is these kids’ fault? They wanted me with them, they were trying to call me back. How could I remain angry towards them? “Thank you for your kind inv- Gabi, what are you doing?!”

“You have to taste blueberry spongy cake!” she yelled at me. Maybe I can exactly remain angry towards Gabi? “And we have a delicious Earl Grey which came to the shop just a few hours ago. You like Earl Grey, right? Plain, strong and harmonious.”

“How do you know that?” I could not help but ask.

“Mr. Ackerman.” she gave me a weird look like it was very usual, talking about my preferences between the folk of this fucking tea shop. “When he orders Earl Grey, he always check the quality of tea according to the rule of Doukaina.”

“What the fuck?” I tossed my head back, my feet tapping on the pavement. “Gabi, I am really sorry, and I have no intention making you upset but seriously I understand anything you say.”

“The rule of Doukaina is our standards in order to value everything around us.” I heard a baritone voice which I was fucking familiar with. “Welcome to Marley, Captain.”

“Onyankopon.” I pressed my lips into each other. I could not help but felt the irritation against him. He smiled to me by raising his hands.

“I have nothing.” He remained his posture. “Can I join you?”

“We will serve to Captain.” Falco explained. “She just came to Marley today; she has to be thirsty and hungry.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I am very well, but tired. If you could allow me to go back to my flat, it would-

“No!” Gabi just sticked into my arm like a gummy. “We will not, right Falco?”

“What are you doing there, brats?” I heard another voice. Baritone. Strong. Grumpy. Familiar to giving orders. “Did you take a hostage in a blink of eye?”

“She is Captain Doukaina!” Gabi screamed like she was sharing the most wonderful miracle of this bloody world. “How can we take her as a hostage, Mr. Ackerman? She is the cleverest as you always say!”

“Captain Doukaina?” I heard his voice again, full of nothing but disbelief. “JesusfuckingChrist, do you lose your mind?”

“I am here.” I choked out loudly enough for him to hear my voice. “Anna Doukaina.”

There was silence like our walls circling Paradise before we crumbled them down.

“Anna Doukaina.” the voice repeated my name again. Would he be crueller to me, still staying in the shadows?

“Yes.” I lifted my chin and let all emotions filled me up. Did I really unload these 5 years on him, in front of everyone here? I knew I was not going to, but God, if I had the courage, I would. I would ruin his life; I would set everything he did on fire and leave here as the happiest woman.

He came out of that fucking ivory door, and I forgot how to breathe.

No one told me how he was.

No one told me how bad he was hurt.

No one told me how horrible his scars were.

Onyankopon grabbed the kids due to rapidly increasing tension, even though Gabi’s rejections, and left Levi and me by all alone in front of the tea shop. We were staring each other like enemies, we could be enemies, I wondered if I had ever felt like this before in my life.

“Anna Doukaina.” he sighed at me. I clenched my fists and took a really long, refreshing, and deep breath. “You are not Anna Doukaina.”

“Ah.” I barely held myself back from making a scene. “I guess I know my identity better than you, Captain Ackerman.”

“It seems you forget.” he took one step towards me. I could see all of his face, all the stitches, all the lines and his eyes. Goddamnit, his Aegean eyes. “Your name was changed, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I raised my left hand and showed him the little bandage which I always wrapped on my finger.

“Why did you wrap your finger?” he dared to ask to me by furrowing his eyebrows.

“What should I do?” I nicely asked but I could feel the taste of blood inside of my mouth. “Should I unwrap the bandage? What is the point of it?”

“Since when married woman keeps their marriage rings under cover?” he grunted, but he was careful as always not causing any unwarranted events. I could easily see he was fuming inside; he was calculating but I could not understand the rest of his feelings.

He was upset, that was so clear.

He did not want to see me, that was another clear point.

“They do.” I forced myself to smile. Do not let him to see your feelings. “If their wedded husband are not with them.”

“So, were you covering your ring since the last 5 years?”

“Every day of it, and I enjoyed that a lot.”

“Why you did not take it off, Godfuckingdamnit, if you were so upset by wearing it?!”

“Protection.” I chuckled. Make him mad. Give nothing but only pain to him if you can. “You know, if I will financially collapse, I can always sell this. It is 24k gold. A luxury for Paradise.”

“You are not changed even a bit.” he leaned back on the heels of his feet. “Still a witch.”

“I changed a lot.” I said. Back in the Corps, I was loud and commanding, I was a leader, one of the cleverest. Now, I was timid and tired, I may be broken down because of his absence. “I am not a witch anymore; I became a bitch.”

“Yes, I can see that.” he nod. Very sweet of Levi. “Why you are here?”

“I came because I am looking for my husband.” I said.

“Why?”

“To ruin his life.” I smiled. “I want ruin that bastard for letting me down, for letting me mourn for him every fucking day, for everything he did to me.”

Levi glared at me with a deadpanned face. I unwrapped my bandage and showed my hand to him.

“I have been waiting for this since I learned you are alive.” I murmured. “I want a divorce.”

“What?” his face was entirely blank.

“I always thought you were dead, but since you are unfortunately in flesh and soul, I want a fucking divorce.” I grinned. “Do you think I across the sea in order to see you? No, Levi. No. We are going to divorce, so you have to come back with me to Paradise, then you can go to even hell if you want.”

“Thinking I was dead did not prevent you to live your life fully, huh?” he raised one eyebrow. “Why do you want a divorce right now, all of sudden? Why did you show yourself at the door of my teashop? Are you run out of money?”

“You cannot hit me with these, Captain.” I chuckled and took the ring out of my finger. “See? I came for giving this back to you.”

I directly went to him, in front of him, my mind did not catch any of my moves or decisions. I never felt like this in my life, I was like captured by another soul, I was watching myself out of my body. I grabbed his hand, opened his palm and placed the ring.

“You can do whatever you want with your fucking ring.” I hissed at him. My voice was keeping all the pain as a secret. Even now, even I am full of pain, the only thing I want is hugging and kissing him, staying at his side forever! “I came to say this.”

I turned back to him immediately, but before my first step, he grabbed my wrist and forced me to walk with him inside of his tea shop. He literally dragged me into the next table and held my hand with all force.

“You are my wife.” he dropped his voice to lowest version. Damnit, how he dare to give me that voice, he uses when I was a cadet?! “You are mine.”

“Ah, really?” I pushed him back. “Where were you if I am your wife?”

“Where were you?” he questioned my question. “If I am your husband, why you were not with your husband? Why did you not come to find me after the war?”

“MR. ACKERMAN!” Someone yelled by entering from the door, and both of us turned to the boy. “I NE- wow.”

The little blond kid just stared at Levi, looking like a revengeful god and me, pressed on the table as a suspected witch. His little mouth shaped as an O.

“What happened?” he asked.

“No- nothing. We did not know you have visitors. Hi, lady!”

“I do not have a visitor, Paul.” Levi gave me a piercing look. Do not fall. Do not fall. “She is my wife, Mrs. Ackerman.”

“DO YOU HAVE A WIFE?!” The little kid screamed for his dear life.

“No, I am not h-

“Yes, I have.” Levi said. “And she is going to live with me from now on.”

[allandoflimbo]

Take It Back (Chapter 32)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary:  About five years ago, a one night stand with Y/N tore Bucky’s life apart. It was also the night before his wedding. Now he’s married to her sister and she needs a place to stay.

Take It Back Full Masterpage |

…] “How do I know for sure that it’s not you that are all those things? Because let me tell you something, I know the woman I fell in love with, I know the girl I met and she is none of those things you accuse her of, so stop trying to force it down my throat.”

“You think I’m fooling you into making her think she’s the bad one? You think I’m lying about her being manipulative?”

“Y/N, you have done nothing but talk shit about her.”

“Fine!”

It comes out in a roar as you snap back around and scream it in his face.

Bucky recoils slightly at your outburst.

Your face is red, your eyes flushed.

“Fine, Barnes, you want me to stop talking shit about her and stop trying to protect you, I will!”  You tilt your head up higher, a finger in his chest, “But just know that if she hurts you, it’s your own fault […]”

___

“James Barnes is in no way taking any drugs. His reason for being at Presbyterian Hospital remains private, but it is not drug-related.” A reliable source tells Washington Post.

Rumors of James Barnes’ loyalty towards his family remain under tough waters and constant watch as afflicted co-counters doubt this reliability and responsibility as new CEO. Many even say that his wife, Ashlyn Barnes, would be a better fit for the job.

- The Huffington Post

James Barnes's loyalty appears to be rocky when it comes to his marriage, just as much as his loyalty to his company. Doubts are starting to arise after hospital visit when Barnes was later spotted leaving his New York Penthouse with a mysterious woman.

-NYT

James Barnes, a cheater? Let's hope he’s a better businessman than he is a husband.

- Amateur News Blog

___

New York City

The flashes come from left and right, the shouts and screams making his head swirl.

The gorgeous brunette man, his best friend, has a hand on his lower back as he helps guide him inside the tall, glass tower.

Bucky does as he was told in the car moments before.

He keeps his head tilted down, avoiding every question and microphone thrown his way. They are to brace the accusations and crude comments as they race towards the glass doors.

“Mr. Rogers, as Barnes’ attorney, don’t you think it’s a bit biased to be working this case, considering you’re his best friend of fifteen years?”

“James! Did you really cheat on Miss. Ashlyn? James!”

“James, are you losing Barnes’ Enterprises? What has been decided among the case after it was discovered that your father tried to take it from you?”

“What about Stark’s company, threatening to buy you out for insubordination? What don’t the people know?”

“Mr. Barnes why-“

The voices are drawn out and become distant as both men finally step into the lobby, a heavy breath escaping Bucky’s lungs.

He’s thankful that none of the news reporters are allowed inside because this - he closes his eyes and takes in the soothing silence - was a lot better.

Still, his mind is not clear enough. Not as clear as he would have hoped.

Not even as they take the elevator up to the newsroom. His best friend can tell he’s nervous, and for what, he’s not so sure.

Bucky had nothing to hide.

He isn’t mentally present, either, when he greets the news crew, nor when they clip the mic onto the collar of his beautiful Armani suit.

“5…4…3…2…”

He turns on like a machine when the camera claims “LIVE” above the bright light that is shining directly into his face, making him momentarily blinded.

Now, he knows, everyone is watching.

He sees the news reporter come up on the dual-screen that is installed next to the tripod, and the older news reporter announces Bucky’s presence followed by a simple question.

One that could potentially change everything.

“We want to thank you for coming on the show tonight. We wanted to start by asking you one question: Is Ashlyn Barnes still in any way affiliated with Barnes’ Enterprises?”

Bucky swallowed thickly, the bright light of the recording camera making his head swirl.

five days earlier...

The three of them sat on the hotel bed.

Steve’s declaration about the will being fake had an effect on Bucky that no one was expecting. They were expecting a celebration of some sort, maybe even a smile.

Instead, all Bucky could do was take your hand in his and cave into himself as he tried not to cry again that night.

You share an uncertain glance with Steve before tightening your hand around Bucky’s.

He looks down at his lap, where your hands are conjoined, and he nods.

“Yeah, no, that’s great.” He says quietly, he looks up at Steve, “That’s great.” He throws him a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Buck, there’s more I wanted to tell you.” Steve says, this time also looking at you.

You squint your eyes together unexpectedly. He hadn’t told you that.

“More?” You ask.

Bucky takes a deep breath and runs a hand down his face, whimpering slightly.

“As much as I appreciate all this, I just need a second, please.” He begs.

You and Steve watch as Bucky rests both his elbows on his knees, hiding his face in his hands.

“I know I wasn’t allowed to hear what they told you in there, but Jesus, Bucky, please.”

Bucky sits silently for a few minutes.

Eventually, he clears his throat.

“She cheated on me.”

You run your hands up the side of his face. You bring his head until it’s on your shoulder, stunned.

He looks up at you, pained.

“You were right. You had always been right.” He says pathetically.

Your worst suspicions confirmed true to send a trigger of emotions up your spine.

You are disgusted, angry, but most importantly, you’re sorry you were right.

You wiped his cheeks with your thumbs, your fest crestfallen in shame.

“Fuck. I just don’t get it. It’s so fucked.” He spats. “It was my father. One of the men.”

Now, this -- this shocks you.

“W-What?”

Your eyes met Steve’s. He’s quiet, but he looks like he’s thinking. Which is not a good emotion for someone who just overheard something so betraying.

It hits you.

“Did you know this?” You ask him, hoping the answer is no.

Steve’s face falls as he looks between you and Bucky.

“I found out recently. I was going to tell you both today. I’m sorry.”

Bucky should’ve been angry, and you and Steve were both expecting some kind of blow out, but he must’ve been so tried because all he did was let his shoulders slump.

“It’s fine, man. I just— It’s hard. I, trusted her for so long. I know it sounds fucking selfish but I feel like I’ve been gaslighted.” He says.

Bucky feels Steve’s hand come down on his shoulder.

“We’ll figure all this out,” Steve says.

You’re still shocked as you run a hand through your hair.

“I can’t believe she’d do something like this to you. I mean, I always had my doubts and my suspicions, but Bucky,” your eyes lift back up to meet his and you feel your own swelling with tears, “But I didn’t want you to get hurt. You don’t deserve this torture.”

Bucky said nothing, staring down at his hands.

He was tired.

Tired of being lied to, of being betrayed.

He took a deep breath, turning back towards his best friend.

“What else was it that you wanted to say?” He asks, clearly trying to change the subject.

You and Steve shared a look as if saying “he’s not okay”.

“Bucky—“ Steve starts, trying to turn the conversation back.

“Please.” Bucky begs.

Steve takes a deep breath and you reach your hand back to hold Bucky’s. He doesn’t hesitate to hold yours back, tightly.

“Did, uhm, did she ever say anything to the two of you in regards to her health?”

The question perks both of your interests.

“Nothing, she always seemed fine.” You say. Your eyes dart back to Bucky, knowing very well he asked the same question a few days ago.

His face is emotionless as he responds, “Why?” “Well look at this.” He pulls out two pieces of paper.

Bucky looks at it immediately, his face growing with concern.

Steve watches him as he talks.

“I had a confrontation with Ashlyn while you were away. She confessed to me that when she was young, in high school, she suffered issues with depression. She was diagnosed when she was of legal age. She told me she tried to keep it a secret from everyone because she didn’t want to be looked at differently, but I wasn’t sure if she really hadn’t told any of you.”

Your heart sank with every word. You felt your tears filling with tears.

You looked at Bucky who looked nothing short of concerned now. He shook his head in disbelief.

“How the hell did you get this?” He looks over the medical record over and over again, “This is from a job background check, I don’t—“ suddenly, he cuts himself short as he makes the connection, “No, he wouldn’t. He knew?”

It just kept getting worst.

You felt the tears on your waterline.

“Why would she keep something like this from me? From her family?” You were rambling as your vision became cloudy.

“I don’t know, maybe fear of looking inferior. She needs help. We need to help her.” Steve says.

You and Bucky were both distraught, but mostly you as you rose up to your feet.

Bucky watched as you pulled on your hair, pacing the room. You were both processing two different things.

“How could she not tell us? I don’t understand.” You repeated over and over again.

“Why the fuck would he keep something like this from me?” Bucky snapped as he looked between the both of you, “None of this shit makes fucking sense. None of this mess makes fucking sense.”

Steve takes a deep breath.

“I know this is hard. I know that. I feel like we’ve all, every single one of us has been fucked over in this situation. But we need to save each other now,” Steve looks directly as you still feel your heart pacing away quickly in your chest, “As much as I know she did very bad things, she did horrible things, I think there’s more to this than what meets the eyes. There’s a reason, Bucky,” He looks at Bucky this time, “There’s a reason why your father kept this hidden. I’m not trying to justify her actions, but for her to go from zero to one hundred after, probably around the time your dad got a hold on this, don’t you think that’s remotely ironic?”

Bucky was pulling on his own hair this time, elbows again on his knees.

He was shaking his head back and forth.

“I — I don’t know. This is too much.” Bucky licked his lips, “It doesn’t matter, she cheated on me, her illness does not justify that kind of action. People who have those things aren’t bad people. She is a bad person, Rogers.”

“I know that, Bucky. But it doesn’t make sense. At the beginning of your relationship, she seemed to have been at least remotely in control of her decisions and her mind. It wasn’t until she started working for your dad that she started suffering.”

“What are you suggesting?” You ask quietly.

“I don’t know, maybe — maybe he did something to her. Maybe he found a way to get into her head.”

“But at what cost?” Bucky snaps, standing up on his two feet, pointing out the window, “at what fucking cost?”

“We need to find out,” Steve looked down at his folders and thinks, they all think for a bit, “are you sure there’s nothing else he left for you? Maybe a clue?”

Bucky looked at Steve like he was crazy.

“A clue?” He asks.

“Yes. A safe, something with a lock, a piece of a written document, audio recording, video?” Steve lists.

Bucky sighs.

“I don’t know. I never bothered to look for anything like that.” Bucky says.

“Steve, what are you thinking?” You ask, reluctantly.

“Maybe it’s my attorney-at-law brain, but I have a feeling that it’s not at all what we think. We went into this thinking he wanted to give everything to Ashlyn. I don’t think it’s that simple. He left something, I know he did.”

With those few words from Steve, you spun around, taking a deep breath.

It was too much for you to process in such a small amount of time.

Just walking into the building itself nauseated him. After his talk with Steve, and after spending a great portion of the night staying up talking with you, he finally gathered up the balls to go to the office to try and find what could possibly be the “clue”.

He had begged, wanting to come with him, but he assured you that you needed rest. After all, he still knew how conflicted you felt about doing what you did to your sister, and now even more after finding out about her underlying illnesses.

You needed time to think before you eventually spoke with her. He waited until you were snoring in softly into his sturdy chest before he left.

He didn’t hesitate a second to log into his work computer. The blue light of the screen lit of up his face in the dark.

And he spent an hour, two hours, two hours and a half, digging through his hard drive, his external hardrive and any file he could possibly find on his computer.

By the time his eyes were burning, it was nearing two am. He gave up.

There was nothing to find, he concluded. There was no fucking clue. It was simple, his father just always wanted to make his life miserable, it had nothing to do with ulterior motives or reasoning.

He was an asshole and a man whore. Easy as that.

But still, as Bucky rested his arms on the table, he couldn’t help but think he was missing something.

He quickly got up from the leather chair (a  hand-me-down from his heartless father), and made his way to the bookshelf on the far right side of the room.

He knew there were some things in here left by his father, some older USBs mixed within but he was aware only held outdated information.

He found in the corner on the bottom shelf and he pulled it out until it landed with a soft thud on the floor.

He opened the grey/green box and rummaged through old office knacks and pens until he found two of the USBs.

He quickly inserted them into his laptop and restarted his search.

He must’ve spent an additional thirty minutes looking through them, only to come out empty handed again.

He was tired, as he groaned into his hand.

His father, once again, had played him.

The emotions of the day hit him with full force, mixed in with exhaustion.

His father was a bastard, this room that once used to be his, now Bucky’s, was tainted with venom.

Bucky slammed his laptop closed and cursed as strong sob escaped his mouth.

He was so, so tired.

With a deep breath, he reached down and grabbed the newton’s cradle off the desk, throwing it at the wall on the other side of the room.

It made a huge bang sound, most likely denting the wall and possibly the floor as it fell to the ground.

Bucky slid down the front of his desk, pulling on his hair as he bent his knees up to his chest.

How could he have been so oblivious and stupid?

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He groaned. With a whimper, he lifted his head up, letting it hit back against the large wooden desk. He stared up at the ceiling, cursing himself for being so useless.

He was so tired.

He straightened out his head, allowing his eyes to gaze over the metal cradle he had just thrown.

He almost laughed at how much it didn’t even break. Pathetic.

Only the rectangle base had come off. His eyes slid across the floor to its possible destination. It landed by the chair on the right side by the window over looking the city.

Stupid piece of trash. He never understood why his dad liked that thing.

It looked liked even a piece of the rectangle itself broke off, he noticed.

His eyes squinted, drifting back to the original piece.

But the rectangle was in a full piece.

That small piece wasn’t part of the cradle.

No…

Bucky stands up, with the help of the desk, and he looks at the USB chip across the room in fear.

He felt himself shaking as he walked up to the drive.

It takes him longer than it needed to for him to reach down and pick up the emasculate piece of what could only be the answer to his worst nightmares.

He swallowed thickly, wrapping it tightly into a fist.

His fingers shook when he slid it into his computer, and even more so when not even a password was needed to unlock it.

That easy.

Bucky swallowed as he watched the blue loading line reach the one hundred mark, followed by a video ready to be pressed play.

In the thumbnail was his father, clearly months before his death. He still looked semi-healthy and well.

Bucky didn’t know if he wanted to know anymore; the truth.

He had watched twelve other videos that day, those of which consisted of his wife being fucked by other men.

He couldn’t handle it anymore.

But he knew he had to.

For the sake of his own sanity, his friends, his girlfriend, and his baby that could’ve still been here.

Hesitantly, he presses play.

“You were always a thrower.”

Bucky feels his pulse deep in his head.

His father, grey-haired and blue-eyed, stared intently into the camera.

“I remember when you were just nine years old, and you begged your mom and me for a new Tonka truck. We said no, of course, and you threw your legos all across the living room floor. You could never handle not getting what you wanted,” Bucky felt his blood heating up as the voice echoed in the room. His face was blank, emotionless, “but you were also always too good. I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle this, this business, this company. Not with the heart that you had.”

Bucky swallowed thickly.

“I found out my cancer came back and I knew this family would’ve been screwed at your puny hands.”

Bucky’s face crumpled and his chest tightened.

“You would’ve given it all away, would a child step foot in here asking for three million dollars because he was dying, you wouldn’t hesitate to help. I knew I needed to plant evil into your heart, I needed to plant motive, a motive for you to make this company what it was always meant to be.”

Bucky’s breath quickened as his father’s words grew louder, his face more stern.

“You were always like your mother. Weak, nimble, always thought too much with your heart, not enough with your brain.” He says it with so much disgust that Bucky blinks away tears that have formed. He remember all the time his father had touched his mother and now he wishes he never let him, “At one point I even considered maybe giving the company over to Rogers. After all, he’s a lot smarter than you. The true son I never had.”

A lonely tear runs down Bucky’s left eye.

“But recently, an idea came to me in the form of a dark angel. Your dearest and truly one of a kind, pretty little Ashlyn y/l/n.”

Bucky sucked in a deep breath.

“I didn’t care for her that much at first, not until I saw her medical records and I realized I would be able to use her to achieve my beautiful plan.”

He watches in disgust as his father shows off a wicked smile.

“I knew I would be able to convince her that we needed her, oh how much we needed her; that what she would do to you wouldn’t be bad, but instead help us. I convinced her that she had found true happiness and she believed me. She became addicted to this life. Because of that, I knew that without hesitating, she would do whatever it took to keep this place afloat, above any moral and promises she would make to you. She was already a hundred times more worthy than you ever wore.”

Another tear escapes his eyes and Bucky takes in another breath.

“But you are watching this, so I assume you found out about us. Except there is no us. I could’ve cared less about her. I only did what I did so I could teach her how to be strong. I didn’t just have her sign companies over to us, but I taught her how to make sacrifices. Sacrifices, James. At the end of the day, I could care less about that child. Even though I knew you’d marry her. Such a pretty face, and a good lay too. How you were always so naive, James.”

Bucky’s lip turned into a snarl at his father’s words.

“You couldn’t get yourself a strong lady like Nat, you had to go find a damn fool. One that I fooled oh so damn well. I knew you wouldn’t like the idea of the will, I knew it would infiltrate into the darkest of your desires, the one I always secretly wanted to harbor in you for years - the realization that this company was your families, so you treat it like it’s yours.”

“I also knew you would eventually find out about the affairs, with weak friends like yours who would always have your back, of course you would find out eventually.”

"I made you angry, now didn’t I son?”

Bucky was quickly opening and closing his hand, trying to contain his anger and heartbreak as much as he could.

“I planted that seed in your heart, didn’t I? The desire to want to take something back because it’s truthfully yours, the desire to want to hate and ruin another simply because they have what is yours. Do you see the theme here? You think I’d really give it all away to some dumb slut who can’t tell the difference between a forged will and a real one? How was it overlooked, you ask? Well, lets just say I have my ways, which you would’ve learned if you weren’t such a disappointment for a human.”

A sob escapes Bucky’s lips.

“But, I would assume that after all that happened, you’ve grown, and you had a realization, haven’t you? You’re a little smarter than you were before I was around, huh? And do you know why that is, James? Do you know?”

Bucky quickly blinked, suddenly afraid.

“It’s because you’ve learned to appreciate what it means to not take anymore shit. This world is black and white. There’s good and there’s evil. There’s intelligence and there’s pure idiocy. Which one are you?”

“This is my goodbye to you. I hope I’ve taught you my ultimate lesson. The one I never had a chance to while I was alive. I’ll see you again soon.”

The screen went dark as it finished, and Bucky stared at it blankly as more tears fell and fell from his swollen eyes.

A hard sobbed racked through his body as he brought a fist up to his forehead. He rested his elbow on the desk and sobbed out loud for the first time that day.

And he cried and cried, and cried.

____

It had been a week since Bucky had watched the video that you and all your friends eventually watched, too.

You all feared for Bucky’s well being. He had been silent for so many days, only saying short words answers, most of the time choosing instead to just stare out into space.

You all knew he was traumatized. You and Steve had helped deal with the legal issues of it all, bringing it to Fury’s attention.

He had been just as shocked as everyone else, not understanding how any of it could’ve been overlooked by the authorities. Even though the will Ashlyn had signed was a fake, at the signings of the document (five years ago) she had signed other documents that followed it that still allowed her access to any assets.

Fury didn’t hesitate one second to put Steve on the case. He would be Bucky’s lawyer.

The real enemy in all of this had been George Barnes, and because of the video evidence, it would be easy to win the case.

Five days, and you still hadn’t spoken to your sister.

Five days was how long it took for word to finally reach Ashlyn.

It had been Steve who broke the news to her.

He was sitting at the foot of her bed and his face had a look she couldn’t quite pinpoint.

Ashlyn’s heart hurt inside her chest after Steve told her about the video and what George had said.

“I need to see it.” She said through clenched teeth.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “I’m not weak, Steve. Please.”

Steve looked at her for a second longer before sighing and nodding his head. He would bring in the video some other day for her to see.

“So he knows,” Ashlyn says.

“He knows about your condition, yes." “Don’t say it like that.” “I know, I’m sorry.”

“He still doesn’t want to see you, Ashlyn. He—“ Steve took a deep breath, “He said he’s sorry he ever brought you into this situation. He didn’t mean to make this worst on you, and if he knew what you had been going through, he would’ve never let you near his father. He thinks he’s to blame for what happened. He said he should’ve kept a better watch on you and he hates himself for it.”

Ashlyn scoffs as tears line her eyes.

“But what you did, the way you cheated on him for so long, you even developed feelings for another man, that has nothing to do with your bipolar. That is in no way related, Ashlyn. You knew what you were doing when you did it, so you can understand why he still isn’t ready to see you personally. Why he still doesn’t forgive you. Because of what you did, you pushed him away and fell in love with someone else. That is something George can’t be to blame. That was you. I know you had your issues, but you knew you could’ve been stronger.”

Ashlyn wiped her tears on the back of her sleeve.

“He says you two fell out of love a long time ago, and faith or not faith, it just wasn’t mean to be. He’s not ready to forgive you, but he is extremely pained for the emotional turmoil his father put you through.”

Ashlyn watched as Steve pulled out a piece of paper from an orange envelope.

“He’s found, you some good doctors. He wants you to take care of yourself.”

Ashlyn took the envelope from him.

“He also says you can’t stay here anymore. He’s putting the place up for sale. He says it’s not good for you to be here, that you need to move on. It will be better for your health. There are too many memories in here. He said you should start looking elsewhere for a new job and a new apartment. After the case is closed, you will no longer be an employer at Barnes Enterprises. If you need help looking, I can try my best, but that shouldn’t be too hard for you considering everyone will know who you are.”

Ashlyn took a deep breath and looked up towards the ceiling as she held the paper with the doctor’s names in her hands.

Steve looked at her for a while before dropping his gaze.

“This whole thing, what George did to us all, it was fucked up.”

Ashlyn didn’t respond, a faraway look still in her eyes.

“And the divorce papers?” She asked.

Steve cleared his throat.

“I have those, too.”

“Did he already sign his half?” “Yes.”

She nodded again.

“I don’t want to sign anything until I talk to my sister.”

Steve stared at her for a beat before nodding.

five days later...

“We want to thank you for coming on the show tonight. We wanted to start by asking you one question: Is Ashlyn Barnes still in any way affiliated with Barnes’ Enterprises?”

Bucky swallowed thickly, the bright light of the recording camera making his head swirl.

He cleared his throat.

“Thanks for having me on. I want to start off by saying that as of right now, my wife Ashlyn is still affiliated with the company, yes.”

“There are rumors about a split, which are concerning investors like Pym and Stark Industries.”

Bucky took a deep breath.

“Regardless of any change that may come our way, they can be certain that they will be safe. We are taking appropriate measures to make sure there’s no deficit anywhere. Barnes’ Enterprises will remain at the top and I will protect all my clients. It’s my responsibility, and I will not step away from that.”

And the number one reason Bucky hated his father was because even though George Barnes was a soulless Devin incarnate, he had been right.

_

@wxntersoldxer16 @void-imaginations @heykarsyn @avashroom @sarcastic-and-cool @lunaticbarnes @benhardygalileo @wildmavs @runaway-escape @stevieboyharrington @kimvmarvel @chipilerendi @hardygal69  

[iplaymatchmaker]

Hi there, me again, if I read the rules correctlyyou said we could do a separate ask for a separate game. If I read incorrectlyplease just ignore this, if not if my first ask wasn't to much I'd love to ask for an ikerev matchup as well! I'm bi, female (she/her) sagittarius sun, virgo rising, libra moon, ENFT. I'm 5'2, chubby/curvy w/ great boobs, I have longer  brunette hair w/ peekaboo highlights (they've been every color, but currently pink), brown eyes, glasses/contacts, 7 piercings & 26 tattoos. I'm very empathetic (sometimes to a fault) and have sever anxiety and depression. It takes me awhile to warm up around new people and be myself. I often feel intimidated in big social settings, such as parties, and often use alcohol for some liquid courage to help me let loose and be me in those situations. I've suffered some emotional and mental abuse at the hands of a step parent which has left me with some trauma and triggers; people raising their voice at me or making quick movements toward me or in my direction usually result in me crying and secluding myself for awhile. Oh and I have daddy issues, thanks absent father. That said I also don't do great with authority, I hate being told what to do, and I hate being told no. I can put up with a lot of shit, but eventually it usually becomes a 'straw that broke the camels back' situation and I fly off the handle and then break down. I am also extremely generous and do all I can to help my friends and family when they need it. I have some self confidence issues from weight gain, and I usually feel my best when I'm dolled up with my makeup on and hair done, usually with a dress and heels. I'm a Ravenclaw thats hates to read, but I love learning & know tons of trivia; like I know so many random facts about so many things from history, to movies, to graveyards, and much more. I often correct people on things, which some perceive as me belittling them, but its never my intention I'm just trying to share my knowledge and trying to help them. I am very creative I love crafting; resin art, macrame, cross stich, those are just some of my favorite things to do art wise, I also enjoy coloring books. I love to laugh and think I'm pretty funny, I usually have a dark sense of humor, if you don't like humor we won't vibe together, and if you can't make me laugh we will not be a good relationship match. I like to go to the bar and do karaoke, it's one thing I've learned I'mvery good at. It took me about 2 years, but I've since learned to be confident with my singing and now its one of my favorite things to do. I drink, obviously, gin and tonic is my favorite. I also smoke, I love my hookah, and I've had my medical card for about a year and it's done wonders for my insomnia and cramps. For about 2 years I've been getting severe cramps and stomach pains, and after 5 er trips in a month they didn't find anything, its still a mystery but at least the bud helps the pain. l'm very into the witchy aesthetic; my style is either very Stevie Nicks, pinup, or 2009 emo/scene depending on the day. I collect animal skulls and bone, taxidermy, crystals, and plants; I also practice the craft & love to make spell jars for people. I love tarot and really enjoy doing it. I live for Halloween & enjoy all things macabre! My favorite show is That 70's Show and if I could live in a replica of the Forman's house that would be my dream. I am also very sex positive and rather adventurous in bed. I'm a brat and a voyeur, I'll get down with just about anything. My love language is giving and receiving gifts. I put alot of thought into holidays like Christmas, I plan months in advance to make sure I get everyone the perfect gift; but I also will sometimes see something that just reminds me of someone and have to get it for them. That is all I can think of right now to add about myself. I'd love 4 and/or 10 for the prompt part. And again thank you for doing these, I'm such a ho for them, and again I'm sorry its long.

I match you with

Edgar!

Thank you so much for requesting 🥰🥰! I’m sorry this took so long, but here it is! I hope you enjoy it ❤️! I Hope you don’t mind the sprinkle of angst in the second ask.😅

I was thinking Ray at first, but I ended up going with Mr smooth, since Ray is too predictable after Nap.

Edgar is known among the red army officers as the person who will make you feel safe, especially during your first encounters with them, before you find out they’re all dorks.  What he doesn’t expect is how at home he feels when the two of you are together. He never feels like he’s being judged when he’s around you and he lets himself go, despite the indoctrination by Claudius that he should always keep people at a distance to avoid being viewed as weak.

Not long after the two of you met, he decides to take you out along with Kyle for a drink, to help you get more accustomed to Cradle and its people. When you realize how much Kyle loves to drink, you follow suite, the two of you very quickly getting tipsy. Edgar laughs at the two of you for a bit, happy to see a new side of you as you allow yourself to grow more comfortable with them. Eventually he leads the two of you outside of the pub and arranges for a carriage to take you all back to headquarters, trying his hardest to tame the both of you.

He absolutely loves it when you sing to him, especially after a particularly hard day of work. He relaxes at the sound of your voice, often drifting off. It touches him more than he would like to admit when he finds you’re still there when he wakes up.

You are a light in his life and he wants to give back in kind, often dedicating his days off entirely to you. He loves giving you gifts, or surprising you with a romantic dinner to show his appreciation to you, for being there and understanding him.

While he doesn’t have the creativity to participate in most of your hobbies, he loves to watch you do it. The amount of passion you show for your art, the way your eyes light up when you’re working, is a picture perfect moment that he could look at for hours.

Prompt 4: Meet cute:

You couldn’t stop fidgeting as you stood outside the Red Army Headquarters, waiting for Kyle to fetch someone to help you. After you told him about burglars breaking into your house he insisted he get one of the officers to help you, despite you doubts. It was hard not to worry as you considered the prospect of having to turn to Jonah for help, knowing how hard he could be to communicate with, capable officer or not.  

When Kyle finally emerged, it wasn’t Jonah walking next to him, but a man you didn’t recognize.  

“Sorry for the wait. He’s not easy to find.” The man stood a few heads higher than you but his softer features and aura helped to make him quite welcoming. You begun to relax at his presence, wondering if he was as smooth as he seemed.

“Edgar Bright, at your service.” He offered you a gloved hand, a soft smile playing on his lips. His grip was soft but secure. He was smooth.

“Kyle filled me on the details but I’ll need a statement from you as well.” You tensed up, the idea of an interrogation being especially daunting considering you didn’t know much more than they did.

“No need to worry, it’s simply protocol. You can trust we will find whoever did this without any turbulence.” There was something very reassuring about him. Something that makes you think everything will be all right.

“Thank you.”

 The two of you left Kyle behind, retreating to Edar’s room to discuss the details of the investigation. After he poured two cups of tea he took the seat opposite you, as if the two of you were about to chat about the weather.

“Could you give me the details of what happened? It would be very helpful to hear it straight from the source.” You took a sip before starting with your statement, hoping to calm your nerves.

“I don’t know much more than you do. I was out for work most of the day and when I came back the place was a mess and many valuables were missing.” he seemed to have switched to work mode, completely focused on you.

“What time did you leave for work that day? And when did you return” he scribbled down on a piece of paper, his hand practically moving on its own.

“I left around 8 and came back around 6, I think.” When he put the pen down his attitude returned to relaxed gentleman status.

“I will start with asking the people who might have been present at the scene. I’ll get back to you once I’ve made some progress.” The conversation was over but you found it hard to leave. It didn’t feel right letting one man do the investigation on his own, despite it being his job. It was your house that had been rambled after all.

“I want to help as well. I know my way around the area, I can get in touch with some people.” His eyes widened, seemingly taken aback for the first time that day. He quickly composed himself, smiling again. You noticed something different about it now. Something in his expression told you he was more interested than before.

“I wouldn’t say no to a lady.” You smiled for the first time after the incident.

“Let’s get going then.”

 Prompt 10: Admission Of Feelings.

You continued working on the investigation for the next few weeks, the two of you growing closer by the day.

“There don’t seem to be any witnesses, but it’s unlikely no one was present. The break in happened in the middle of the day.” He rested his head on his chin, not touching the parfait sitting in front of him.

“Maybe they were there but didn’t notice anything. It’s not hard for a professional to pick a lock discreetly.” They two of you sat in silence for some time, both lost in your own theories of what happened that day.

He must have realized your worries, turning on his comfort face.

“We’ll find them. Don’t worry.” Usually you found his words comforting, but you couldn’t keep the frustration from your voice when you looked up at him.

“Realistically speaking, it’s probably not going to happen. They made a clean escape and left nothing behind. You don’t need to baby me, I can put two and two together.” Despite the harshness of your tone, you found him smiling, after the initial surprise wore off.

“You never cease to amaze me.” He opened his mouth to say something, but the words never left him, his eyes turning to the window. He was up and out of the café before you could ask what he had seen.

“What the-“when you looked in the direction of the culprit, you shot up, following after him.  

A man stood outside your door, seemingly fighting with the door. When he noticed the two of you approaching him, he dropped his bags, taking off before you could reach him.

“Stop!” Edgar run after him, his speed taking you by surprise, making it hard to catch up.

The man took a sudden turn, heading towards the narrow alleys of Central Quarter, giving you an important disadvantage in the chase.

Your legs ached and your heart was threatening to burst out of your chest. When you thought you couldn’t keep going, you rounded a corner to find Edgar, sitting on top of the man, pinning him in place. If he was tired from the chase, it didn’t show.

“I suppose I don’t need to ask if it was you who broke in a few weeks ago?” his gaze was cold and his grip was tight on the man’s shoulders.

“I- I just- I-it wasn’t me!” Edgar ignored him, turning towards you. Something flickered in his eyes, but loud footsteps coming your way didn’t let him act on whatever it was.

“The Jack? Sir, what happened? We heard the commotion and came to investigate.” A handful of Red Army soldiers stood in front of you, their eyes switching between Edgar and the man under him.  

“Take this man back to headquarters. I will interrogate him later.” Edgar pulled the man up, pinning his hands behind his back.

“Yes sir!” when the men led the thief away there was silence. Edgar’ kept his head low, not looking you in the eye as he tried to calm his breathing, the adrenaline of the chase slowly fading away. You knew you should be happy the man had been caught, but something was wrong in the atmosphere. You weren’t sure if you should speak up, or let him ride whatever it was out. He didn’t give you time to think on it, finally walking toward you. His hands were shaking when he reached out to touch your shoulders, a mixture of frustration and worry in his eyes.

“You…. Why…” you weren’t sure what to say, so you put your arms around him instead, hoping it would offer him some comfort. You stayed like that for some time, until his hands stopped shaking.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this.” His words were muffled by the fabric of your shirt. When he lifted his head again, something inside him seemed to snap.

“You shouldn’t have followed me. What if something happened? You could have gotten hurt.” He looked away, his eyes shut tight. You wondered what image was going through his head to cause him so much pain. You cupped his face, forcing him to face you.

“Edgar, look at me.” And he did. The sight of you seemed to calm him down.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me. I’m right here.” It took some time for the words to register, but when they did his face moved closer to you. You encouraged him, pulling him closer, your lips connected in a brief kiss. When he pulled away he took a step back, as if scared he had hurt you.

“I-I’m sorry.” You moved closer, smiling up at him.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. Except maybe pulling away.” You laughed. When he realized you might feel the same way he took your hands in his.

“You’re an amazing woman.” He paused to gather his breath before meeting your gaze again.

“If the thought wouldn’t be appalling, could I see more of you, outside of work?” you couldn’t keep the laughter inside.

“Appalling? Edgar, do you think I would kiss someone I find appalling?” you pulled him back in, hoping to get your point across.

“I’ll never get enough of this.” His smile was brighter than you’d ever seen it.

“I’ll hold you to that. Because we’re just getting started.” The moon was bright above you as you laughed, your happiness overflowing.

[colourshot-draws]

We’re not angry.

Neil hasn’t been feeling too good and it certainly wasn’t in his plans to be found mid breakdown by his housemates. 

I’ve been in the mood to try and write some short angst with Neil so here ya go! (Trigger Warning for: themes of suicide, drugs and a very brief mention of self harm!!)

** "NEIL" A well aimed bottle found it's target perfectly. That target being a certain sulky hippies head. Neil barely had time to react before another bottle whizzed past him, just missing. "NEIL!!" Vyvyan barked again. Neil reluctantly turned around. "What?" He wasn't in the mood for this (honestly when was he ever in the mood for anything?). Vyvyan hadn't seemed to have got that far in the thought and just shrugged. Neil let out an exasperated sigh and turned back to focus on making himself tea, trying to ignore the growing depression that was coming over him. He assumed the guys were just trying to hassle him and bring him down even more. He wasn't totally wrong, they were trying to hassle him but not exactly for the reasons he may have thought. They were worried about him, in their own weird way. Neil had been mercifully quiet for a few days, in fact he hadn't properly complained all day. They'd been enjoying it so far (Rick more than anyone had been loving it) but they couldn't deny that it was beginning to become...weird. Everyone in the house had a part to play (whether they realised it or not) and Neil was not playing his part. It was unsettling the rest of the housemates.

"I'm, like, going to my room." Neil had finished making himself tea and now wanted to be alone. He had...other things to do. He waved quietly to his roommates and trudged upstairs. Any other day he would have made big song and dance about how he was leaving to probably off himself but he suddenly didn't feel like doing that anymore. In fact the worse he began to feel, the less he wanted to perform it. So he'd gone quiet about it. Not that anyone would have noticed or cared - that's what he assumed at least.

Vyvyan nonchalantly waved back (if Neil had been in any other headspace, he would have noted that as extremely odd) before getting a slight elbow in the ribs from Mike - reminding him that perhaps throwing objects at Neil was not the greatest way to show concern.

Vyvyan grunted and said something about "well then you shouldn't have asked me to help then!" Mike didn't listen, he was too focused on the mystery of why Neil had suddenly shut up. It wasn't something he'd ever thought he'd be concerned about, in fact considering how they treated him, it should have been cause for celebration. But it wasn't. Mike just couldn't shake the pit of worry that had begun to form in his stomach. He knew the others felt similarly even if they were trying to hide it.

Neil on the other hand was incredibly unaware that anyone cared in the slightest. You couldn't exactly blame him, he didn't have any evidence to support that anyone actually did. In fact he was focusing on the exact opposite, every activity he attempted to distract himself was pierced with those thoughts playing on loop. A constant drum of how much everyone around him utterly despised his very existence, it was becoming unbearable and making his head hurt. So that's how he found himself curled up on his bed, trying to quieten the sobs that racked his frame. His head hadn't stopped hurting, in fact it just pounded worse. The cocktail of drugs he'd taken in an attempt to quieten that deafeningly harsh voice inside hadn't worked, it'd only made him feel foggier. So foggy in fact that he took no notice of Rick's attempts to get him to open the door.

"Neil!! Open this ruddy door rwight now!!" Rick was trying to be considerate, he could have just broken the door down. Bloody hell! Why had they sent him to comfort Neil? Well he actually knew perfectly well why, Vyvyan had flat out refused to deal with – in his words – "any of that girly emotion stuff." Mike seemed reluctant as well but reassured Rick he'd help out if he was really needed. Just brilliant. Really really brilliant.

Rick didn't even care about the dumb hippie, he was an ugly mopey bastard, he did not blummin' well care about him at all! So Rick hated that he felt something akin to worry begin to tug at him the longer that door stayed closed. He was beginning to become tired of this, he felt like just bursting into the room. Neil's lock was worn down enough - thanks mostly to Vyvyan breaking into his room to torment him - that it wouldn't be much effort to just...force his way in there. "I'm going to count to three and then I'm coming in, whether you like it or not!" Still no response. "One...two" Rick was sticking to his promise. "THREE!-" Nothing, again. "RWIGHT!!" Rick huffed before slamming himself into the door, perhaps more roughly than intended. He was surprised he didn't accidently break the door at the ease of which it burst open.

"I suppose you think it's rweally funny to just leave me out there with absolutely no response-" Rick began his normal spiel before he felt the air knocked out of his lungs. That earlier feeling of worry had morphed into full on gut churning horror as the poet laid his eyes on the trembling hippie. Any smug remarks that would have normally left his mouth were quickly abandoned. In fact Rick couldn't bring himself to say anything, any words stuck in his throat. All he could do was stare. Neil had gone horribly pale and was shaking far too much. Despite what you might think, Rick was unsure if he'd actually seen Neil in such a state before. Judging by the angry red marks littering Neil's arms and the empty bags of whatever the fuck surrounding him, he was seriously not okay. And Rick had no idea what to do. He felt himself begin to dumbly stumble backwards, uselessly covering his mouth. As much as the poet talked himself up, he suddenly felt pretty pathetic. He felt the exact opposite of strong and anarchic, he actually felt as if he was about to pass out.

"Mike, I-I need to get Mike..." Rick tried to get himself to move, he legs had turned to complete jelly. Why oh why had he turned into an utter coward? His saving grace came in the form of orange haired punk who had decided that Rick really had been taking way too long.

"What the bloody hell have you been doing up here?" Vyvyan announced his presence, thundering up the stairs. He was about to make a very clever joke concerning Rick and Neil being poofy before catching a glimpse of Rick. He'd gone completely white and was shaking like a leaf. "Did ya see Neil naked or something?" Vyvyan asked gruffly. Rick barely even registered that comment and just weakly pointed into the direction of Neil's bedroom. Vyvyan felt a very slight twinge of unease. It wasn't like the spotty twat to look so utterly horrified (although maybe concerning Neil and anything in his bedroom, it was). Still, Vyvyan sensed something wasn't quite right. That was confirmed just from one look inside Neil's room. The hippie hadn't moved, in fact he seemed to have gotten worse. Vyvyan suddenly felt a whole lot less clever for his earlier comment (no he was NOT feeling guilty, that was girly and he was not girly). "I'll...get Mike." was all he said before rushing downstairs.

Neil became suddenly aware that was he no longer alone. Or at least slightly aware. His head was an absolute mess and couldn't quite tell what was going on. He did however, know that the idea of any of the housemates catching him in this state was the absolute last thing he wanted. He audibly whined at the thought of it, much to Rick's surprise (and begrudging relief, the hippie was still alive). Neil only begun to panic more at the sound of voices above him, so much so that he tried to fight off the (mostly) imagined threat.

"Neil..." That was Mike's voice. Neil didn't respond and continued to weakly flail his arms, his fist only very loosely connecting with his housemates who seemed undeterred.

"Neil" It was louder this time, harsher, must have been Vyvyan. Neil didn't -or more accurately- couldn't respond. His mouth was refusing to work and his head was still a fuzzy mess. Despite that, he managed to pick up on a slight sniffling sound followed by a quiet "Ruddy hell-"

Rick was surprised by himself, here he was getting all teary over the shivering and sweaty figure of his least favourite housemate (least favourite felt like a light term for it - utterly despised was more accurate). He felt bloody lucky that no one bothered to comment on it, he'd have vehemently denied it if they had. Mike was much too focused on actually trying to help and Vyvyan was following suit, if a little clumsily (he wasn't used to being all nice and helpful).

"Neil!" Mike's tone was firm but kind. "You're going to be okay." Mike hoped. "We're here..." Mike trailed off, looking to the others for some sort of support. For the first time in a long time, the cool person was actually sweating. They both nodded before realising that maybe Neil wasn't in a state to notice silent affirmation. Vyvyan grunted, albeit it softer than usual before throwing in a "Yeah." He didn't sound like he was trying awfully hard but for anyone who knew Vyvyan, he was being far gentler than normal. Rick didn't really trust himself to speak, he was still feeling a worryingly large amount of feelings and the last thing he wanted to do was become a crying mess in front of Neil. No matter how out of it he was. Rick settled on cautiously squeezing Neil on the arm, a sort of yes alright I'm here for you as well.

"I-I'm sorry, guys." Neil croaked out, that was the first sentence Neil had spoke for what must have been a few hours. The room fell deathly silent. "P-Please don't be, like, angry at me, okay?" Neil sounded scarily weak and yet the thing he was most worried about was pissing off his housemates. A unpleasant feeling of guilt settled itself in each of their guts. Rick almost wanted to laugh, why was the stupid idiot so worried about that? He was the one looking near death!! 'Probably because you treat him so terribly, you bastard-' Rick shook his head, mentally telling his conscience to shut up. Mike was the first (and only one) to reassure him.

"We aren't angry." That was all he said and it seemed to calm Neil enough. He went quiet again, save for the odd cry or groan.

**

None of the guys seemed keen to leave Neil's side, even after Vyvyan had reassured them that Neil would be okay - that he just needed to get whatever he'd consumed out of his system. You couldn't exactly blame them for that, trusting Vyv and his medical knowledge seemed like a shaky idea at best (even if he was actually right this time). They settled on the idea of taking shifts, surprisingly Rick spent the most amount of time with him. Maybe it was because he was feeling guilty but if you asked him, he would have told you it was just because Neil made for a good listener. Someone who physically couldn't get up and walk out once Rick started reading out his extremely long winded poetry. Though if you listened in on Rick's shifts, there was a distinct lack of poetry reading.

After the whole horrible ordeal was over, after Neil's shaking had slowed and he'd thrown up more times than he could count, after Vyvyan's (mostly) silent but strangely comforting presence, after Mike had regaled tales of his various expeditions in love and Rick's surprisingly subdued stay, Neil began to think that maybe a few people did really care about his presence after all...

[back2thepalace]

Christmas Secrets

Okay so I know Christmas was over a month ago but I never finish this until really until recently but due to the lack of Parrlyn I am making it two parts (maybe more). So here is the first half of my mini fanfic.

~~

(Anne’s P.V)

Word Count- 2746

Trigger Warnings- Death, yelling, depression, or idk

Spell Checked- idk?

~~

I felt a cold stream of air hit me as I stepped out of the door. I walked a couple steps forward til i heard so yelling coming from behind me. I quickly turn around and see the door wide open. I grab the door knob pulling it shut to not let the warm air out. When it was shut I was relaxed, I was by myself in the cold crisp air. I took a breathe in, breathing in the cold air. It was refreshing to get out of the warm and stuffy house. I walked out from under the overhang covering the porch. I heard the snow crunch below my feet. I looked down to see a thin layer of snow under my feet. Little snow flakes on top of my shoes, they stood out from he black of my Doc Martens. I looked back up remembering why I was out here on Christmas Eve. I walked forward remembering that I was going to have to walk a little bit to get to the location I was going. I was going to my favorite book store it had a little cafe that i could get something to drink at. It was a nice little store on a corner a few blocks away. It had a nice homey feel, I could guess that as I had been going there since I was little. My dad used to take me there every Tuesday and on the cold days he would get me a hot chocolate. He would help me with reading at a young age. I was diagnosed with dyslexia. This is what also sparked my love of books, which a lot of my friends didn’t know about. That side of me is private locked away from the public, the sad memories, the ones that are pushed out to refrain from crying. The little bookshop was a sad memory because when I was in the 7th grade my dad passed away in a car crash. My mom was already died from complications in childbirth with my last sibling when I was 5. I haven’t seen any of my siblings for 10 years as after my dad did we were split up as my eldest sister was unable to care for me and my siblings. My dad didn’t leave something in the will about what to do with me and my sibling. I went to live with my cousin and none of my siblings came with me. It’s a sad thought that only one out of my five good friends know and that girl is also my cousin. My life went downhill from that point well emotionally. I was queen bee at school but that meant nothing mental and also damaged my mental state. Boys on me at all times and getting pulled into closets and empty rooms by boys just so they could make love to me. Which in the long run turned me lesbian but that is another problem as I have the biggest crush on one of my friend. The one I was going to a book shop late on Christmas Eve to go buy my secret Santa gift to her. I never really got the point of Christmas as I was raised Jewish, but celebrating Jewish holidays and doing the normal stuff Jews do for the religion aspects I don’t do it. None of my friends do it and I haven’t done anything for the religion sense 7th grade because my cousin’s family wasn’t Jewish or anyone else I know. I felt a small tear slide down my cheek as I saw the book shop in site. Think about stuff like this makes me really emotional, which is what I try to hide the most. I wiped the tear away scooping it away with my nail. I walked across the street getting to the front door. I pushed it open hearing the ringing of a bell over head. I walked in feeling the nice warm cozy feeling and realizing how numb my nose felt because of the cold. I walked in further smelling the smell of coffee and books, which I liked the smell of. I looked around seeing the barista that was usually there and that I talked to quite often when I was here. I gave her a small wave and she waved back. I turned down one of the isles walking into the maze of books. I looked over the short selfs to see the others in the store. One head caught my eye, a small half up bun with very curly pieces of hair coming down. I looked at the small little bun there was very little hair in it and I was sure I knew who it was. I saw the same style of hair on Cathy early. It was just my luck that my crush was here and I was shopping for her. I made my way towards her moving around the bookshelves. I reached the isle that she was in mystery novels. I had asked for mystery and romance novels for secret Santa, was it possible that she was giving to me. I walked down the aisle and stood next to her for a couple seconds.

“So, what are you looking for.” I say scaring the life out of Cathy.

“Anne?” She said not turning around in fear.

“Yeah, it’s me.” I say putting my hand on her shoulder looking down into the book she was looking at.

“Why are you here? Did you stalk me here? Cause we all know that you don’t like reading.” Cathy says in a pissed of tone pushing her shoulder back to through my hand off it. I stepped back, tears starting to pooling in my eyes. I took another step back feeling tears start to roll down my face. Another step and I was into the other book self.

“Like you would even care.” I say as more tears rush down my face as my fight or flight response kicks in. I run away from her, like all my problems. I didn’t look back, not even to see if her cute little face was looking at me. I ran as fast as I could, I felt as if my eyes waterfalled out. When I was out of the book isle I walked up to the cafe counter. When I got there the barista, Vicki, looked up at me.

“Oh, no Anne what’s wrong?” She says rushing out from behind the counter. When she gets to me she gives me a giant bear hug. I melt into the hug and push my face into her shoulder to stop that sounds of my sobs from being to loud. Her rubs my back, not asking a second time like most people would ask. She just sits there and is there for me. She pulls out a chair from the table that was beside us. We sit there in a hug for quite a while before she pulls away.

“I have to make a drink or two and then I will be back in a few.” She says before getting up. I wrap my arms around my head so that no one could see me.

“Can I get a tea and hot chocolate, please.” I hear the sounds of Cathy’s voice say. I hear a bit of shuffling before foot step heading towards me. I hear the noise of someone sitting down next to me.

“Anne, I am sorry for sounding pissed off. I help off buying my secret Santa a present and I am crazy stressed and I cannot pinpoint who it is.” Cathy says putting her hand on my elbow. Which I let stay on my elbow unlike her. I didn’t reply as I didn’t know what to say.

“Hey Annie, I am really truly-“

“Sorry! Are you really sorry, because you don't know what I have to deal with. Why does ever suition end with people, apologizing to me. Why do I always end up playing the victim. Am I actually as stupid as people think I am. Yeah probably. Just stupid little Anne with her stupid dyslexia, and her stupid life. Why can’t she just go burn in hell already.” I say yelling most things had been said to me over the years just all my energy got caught and let loose at Cathy. She sat there in shock, not knowing what to say.

“Catherine, one tea and one hot chocolate.” I hear Vicki say from behind the counter.

“That hot chocolates is for you, I was going to stay for a bit longer but you seem really mad so I am going to leave.” Cathy says getting up and walking to the counter to get her drink. Before she was able to reach the counter I got up and hugged her. I could tell that she was in utter shock in my sudden change of emotion but she wrapped her arms around me. Tears started to come out again, but this time tears of happiness. A couple seconds later I let go wiping my tears. As I looked up at Cathy I saw a look of confusion on her face.

“Anne, are you okay?” Cathy says as she stares deeply into my eyes. Her dark brown eyes staring into my hazel eyes.

“Yeah, just happy.” I say smiling. I release my arms from around Cathy’s body. She reached up gently brushing the tears off my face. My face must have been redder that a tomato when Cathy touched my face.

“Well can you explain to me, why you just burst out in tears.” Cathy asks walking back to the table that we had just been sitting at.

“I think you have to get the drinks first.” I say giggling a little bit as I sit down.

“Okay.” Cathy says and turns walking towards the counter going to grab our drinks. I reach up around my neck looking for the thin silver chain the belonged to the necklace that I hide from the world. I pulled it out from under my shirt where I kept it. I looked down at it as I held the small pendent of the Star of David. I moved it around on my palm staring at it. It was my moms, my dad gave it to me when I was ten years old. It was the only thing I had left from my childhood, everything else I lost when my dad died.

“What’s that?” Cathy says breaking me out of my trance I was in causing me to grip the little star in my hand. I felt it’s little points poking into my hand in my firm grip. I looked up at Cathy, who was holding our drinks. She places cup in front of me and sitting down in the chair across from me. I let go of the pendant on my necklace letting it fall a bit and bounce up before starting to move in circles like most necklaces do. I brought my hands up putting them under my hair and on the back of my neck and unclipping the necklace. Holding ends I took my hands out from under my hair and clipping them back together. I gathered the whole necklace in my hand and reached out to Cathy. She put her hand out and I dropped the necklace in her palm. I watched as she drew her hand closer to her face picking the pendant up with her two fingers.

“The Star of David?” Cathy asks confused looking up at me. My eye filled with tears. That was the first time I had ever let someone see my necklace.

“Yeah.” I said looking at Cathy. She sat there silent. I could tell she was confused on why I had the necklace.

“It was my moms.” I said.

“What?” Cathy said still confused.

“The necklace, silly. It was my only inheritance that I know of.” I said mentioning to the necklace with my hand.

“Inheritance?………Oh, Annie.” Cathy said as realized what happened. She got up up and gave me a hug. After a couple seconds she pulled out going to sit down again.

“How long?” She asks.

“10 year for my dad and 15 for my mom.” I say. Cathy was silent she probably thought it was a reacent than it was.

“Wow…… why don’t you talk about this?” Cathy asks.

“Because no one would care. Probably think I am joking about it.

“Does anyone else know?” She asks another question.

“Just Kitty, her family to me in. Only me though.” I say staring at the table.

“Wait, do you have siblings?” She asks.

“Yeah, I have eight.” I said looking back up at her.

“Eight! You have eight siblings. Why don’t you talk about this!” She said grabbing my hands.

“Because I don’t know where they are. I haven’t seen them for ten year.” I say.

“Oh. So going back to the star are you-“ she starts to say before I cut her off.

“Jewish, yes I am.” I say as I feel her place the necklace back in my hand.

“Why don’t you talk about you life more often!” She asks smiling like an idiot.

“Because know cares about my feelings thinking I am joking. Plus who knows what Cath is going to think when I tell her that I am Jewish.” I say kind of laughing at my last statement.

“Well I care about your feelings.” Cathy said. I looked down at my cup of Hot Chocolate. I traced my finger on the top of the lid of the cup. I picked up the cup bring it to my mouth. I tilted the cup and the drink filled my mouth. The sweet sensation of the liquid chocolate in my mouth. I put my cup down as I swallowed the liquid. I looked up at Cathy who looked confused. So I guess I had to explain to her.

“Every Tuesday, my dad would take me to this bookstore. He would help me with my reading. Every week after I got diagnosed. He would buy me a hot chocolate and just be there for me even with me being the middle child. Until one day, he didn’t come to pick me up, so I walk her to the bookstore. That’s when I saw it, my dad’s car crashed into the pole, the one right there.” I said pointing to the pole outside the window, “I knew it was his because the license plate was ripped off the car and was right under my foot. There was an ambulance, a fire truck, police cars, cation tap, and a group of people that was confused. I ran through the crowd, pushing and shoving people out of my way. I got to the police tap and when under, the police started to yell and I yelled back, Telling them that was my father's car. I remember the tears rushing down my face and the police letting me through to see my dad. He was dying they didn’t take home to the hospital because he would have died before he got there. I was there with my dad as he died. He talked to me and told me not to cry and that he was going to be fine, but I knew the truth and that he wasn’t going to make it. He told me things to tell my siblings and in his last moments he brought up his hand to my face and told me he loved me. Then he died, I still remember his face after a couple seconds. He turned white as a ghost and that, that’s what changed me for the rest of life. Took my childhood, innocence, and left me alone and orphaned. I cried and cried and cried, the police had to pull me off of him. They took me to the police station and kept me there for a long time, until Kitty’s family came. I never saw my siblings, got to get my stuff, or even go to my father’s funeral. Every night and even still I cry when I am alone, at night. I never was the same person again.” When I finished I saw that Cathy was crying, I was too.

“Anne…Anne…oh Anne.” Cathy said wrapping her arms around me.

“Anne I have to do something. I am really sorry but I have to leave.” Cathy says after a couple seconds.

“What?” I was barely able to see that.

“I am sorry.” Cathy said grabbing her tea and running out. Leaving me alone, again. I was alone. I sat there my hands on the cup of hot chocolate.

[nightwingshero]

Full bingo angst answers for Wren please! 💋💕

Thank you, baby!!! Kinda hitting it where it hurts today, huh?

TW: Mentions of self-harm, alcohol abuse, and child loss...just kinda...it’s angsty. Sorry guys. 

💙 What would your OCs last words be (or if they’ve died what were their last words)? What were their final moments like? How did they die?

Probably...man, knowing Wren, she’s gonna go down fighting and defending a loved one. She...Wren will use her Wrath to draw the attention to herself, even if she knew it was a battle she wouldn’t win--sacrificing herself to give the other person a chance. Her last words...would be deep and meaningful, something that would hit hard. She would either quote something with a deep meaning or something so pure from the heart...I could also see her saying “Free...I’m finally free.” Or maybe being excited to see her mom again. 

💧 What’s the worst pain your OC has ever been in? Mental or physical? What was the cause of this?

That’s a toss up between her father blaming her for her mother’s death/being mentally and emotionally abusive or the car accident and losing the baby. Both had Wren spiraling in very different ways, both still giving her nightmares to the point of insomnia some nights. Then also losing John later in life. It hits her hard to know that her life partner died sacrificing himself for their son, and that he’s just...gone. It’s hard for her to bounce back from it. 

🔷 Has your OC ever had to leave something behind or abandon something they didn’t want to? Have they ever had this happen to them? How has this effected them over the years?

There’s a locket, a gold locket with a tree on it, that her mother used to wear before she died. It was one of the things she held onto dearly after her mom died, because it was pretty much all she had. Her father got rid of most of Lily’s things, including the piano, and so Wren clung to it through her childhood, drawing strength from it. It “mysteriously” disappeared after her father found out about it, just a few days before she left for college. In turn, she stole her mother’s ashes to scatter them, but it still haunts Wren. It had a picture of the two of them together.

🔵 Has your OC lived through any particularly traumatic events? Does this event (or events) still effect them or have they tried to bury it? Is there a reason why this event is so traumatic for them?

JFC, where to even begin? Honestly, the cards are stacked against her in the worst way, I feel for her. The biggest ones would be abusive childhood, losing her mom, unhealthy relationship with college professor, the horrible car accident, the drinking problem that followed...Wren tries her best with it, truly. It still effects her, mostly through panic attacks (triggers) and her nightmares. She will fall into depressive episodes as well. Most of the time, she will bury it though, like, she’s guarded--if you’ve been through some shit, you could probably pick up on it, you know? But with anyone else, you can’t tell. She hides it well. 

❄️ What is (one of) their biggest regrets or biggest mistake they’ve made? Is there anything they can do to fix this or is it so far gone there’s no point anymore? Is this something they dwell on a lot?

Wren...Wren is on the path of learning what she can and can’t control, and it’s...going as well as it can, because she has such a control issue. She tries to tell herself to not dwell on the things she can’t control...but the thing with Wren is that she needs to feel in control. The biggest ones would be the college professor and the path she took after the car accident. Wren hates giving parts of herself for it to be taken for granted or advantage of. She also sees the alcoholic chapter in her life was a little too close to her father than she cares to admit. But well...you can’t fix the past. 

💦 Does your OC have any self destructive habits? Addictions? Urges? What is the cause of these or the reason for them?

Wren used to have a drinking problem, mostly because of an emotional thing versus having to have alcohol. She just used it as an outlet, but most of the time, it just lowered her walls and made her more emotional in a self-destructive manner--depressive, angry, and antagonizing. She would start fights, which is why she got in trouble and got her shit together. Wren internalizes too damn much, overthinking and jumping to conclusions based on her own observations because she’s not one to trust someone else’s intentions or words. While Wren isn’t judgmental, she’s very open minded and accepting--she can be quick to judge in cases where you’ve invoked her wrath. Did some shit when you were young? Who hasn’t, I still care and accept you. You just crossed and betrayed me? I’m going to make it my personal goal to make life hell for you-- She also has a tendency to use her wrath to push people away and then close off, hurting them both in the process. 

🌊 What is your OC like at their most depressive? In the middle of a breakdown? Having a panic attack? What are they like with dealing with anxiety and stress?

Wren during a panic attack starts with her not being able to formulate actual coherent sentences because her mind is going so damn fast, and her hands shake. Her muscles will stiffen, making her super tense and she shuts down mentally. Most of the time, she will curl up on the ground (in the corner of a room, etc) with her legs hugged to her chest, forehead against her knees. Mostly to hide her face and to make herself as small as possible and to provide herself some sort of comfort (sometimes she’ll grip her hair, too). If someone catches it (if they know what to even look for), they can intercept and help kinda deter it. But Wren internalizes, closes herself even more, buys a ton of whiskey or wine, and just sits with her dark feelings. They consume her easily, which is why she usually tries not to drink when she’s down, it makes it too easy to spiral. Wren handles stress the best she can, but she internalizes that too. Anything negative has a chance of coming out in the form of wrath, so she can be a bit...yeah.

☄️ Does your OC struggle with their emotions and trauma? Do they find it easier to open up to strangers or those close to them if at all? Do they tend to hide their pain from everyone?

Wren struggles hard. Like, she has a harder time coming to terms or understanding the why behind everything, and has a constant struggle with her desire to change what happened that her emotions and traumas don’t fully get resolved. She’s so desperate to be free of it, but there are times where she’s holding her own self prisoner for it due to guilt and heartbreak. She will never open up to strangers, she doesn’t trust people easily, you have to have earned your way close to her before she’s confiding in you. She hides her pain (or tries to) from everyone, including herself. You have to actively pursue Wren and be supportive consistently for that to spill from her mouth.  

📘 Write a sad journal entry, an unsent letter or short sad drabble. + bonus, give a theme!

A piece from Wren’s journal while going through therapy:

"I wish...it starts off normal, and it’s inconceivably misleading, but it draws me in anyway. Then...then its sneaking up on me, so before I know it, I’m in the deep-end, drowning in something dark and sticky, feeling as if it will become my second skin and suffocate me in the process. That’s when I start to hyperventilate, desperate and clawing to find the surface, but I can’t. I start crying, my chest constricting in panic. I turn...I turn and I see an open door, the inside is even blacker than what’s around me and I slowly start getting pulled back into it...and he just watches--laughing and taunting. I cry more, because there’s nothing else to do. Until the hand...it grabs me and yanks me back...I wake up then, screaming and panicking before the door slams shut. I take a shower once I wake up, because I can feel the hand, I feel the darkness on my skin. I don’t sleep most nights. Not anymore.”

🔹 Does your OC have any scars? What are the stories behind them? Do they have any mental scars? Talk about the effects of their trauma in general on their day to day life.

*Nervous Laughter* Scars....alright...so, Wren growing up would often resort to self-harm to cope, unfortunately. She avoided her wrists and opted for her inner thighs, aiming to hide the marks better. Once hitting college, she moved on from it, until the car accident. She started again once she spiraled, even using it a bit as she stopped drinking. It didn’t happen too often, just in major low points. She dropped it completely after she started going to therapy, learning to try and find healthier coping mechanisms. Wren’s traumas come out daily in the form of her having to be in control of herself and situation at all time. She’s the one driving, she makes her own choices, she sits on the outside in booths at diners and whatnot, having the option to leave when she wants. Wren hates feeling trapped and is super claustrophobic because her dad would lock her in the basement or her room for hours at a time. She buys a Jeep so she has the option to remove the top and the doors, everything in on her terms. You don’t touch her unless she wants you to, you don’t come visit her space unless she wants you to. Things like that. 

[emmdaenovice]

Towards a better future #1

Daminete

#1

next

So I should probably put a few trigger warnings on this

Ah, suicide, abuse, um… depression, mature readers only?

On a cool night in Pairs Marinette Dupain-Cheng stood alone on the highest spot on the Eiffel tower she could climb to while not being a danger to herself and a potential nasty mess on the sidewalk. She looked at the stars hiding behind a thick layer of cloud, or at least she imagined they were there, silently sparkling looking down on all. thinking that holding onto faith is only easy thing to do when its something physical, like the stars. As you see her faith was slowly wavering, mostly due to her miraculous partner Chat Noir but also Paris’ civilians, and. Herself.

It all began barely a month ago, it’s amazing how Marinette’s world could change this much in a small matter of time. She and her parents traveled to China to visit her Uncle, Wing Cheng, partially to escape from the stress of school life (a holiday) and also because of the grand finale of the D.A.B,’s cooking competition. Which no one was surprised when it was announced that Wing was winning. Marinette was so excited for so many reasons, she would be able to see her extended family again and get some more ideas for this new jacket she’s working on, and new inspiration, all the colours, flora, fauna, people, trends, smells, people, places, things!… She had to remind herself daily that she as Marinette Dupain-Cheng could to do all of those things but, she wasn’t just here as Mari. No, what not many people know is that Ladybug and Chat Noir planned to meet in Beijing for a secret mission to involve more miraculous holders and guardians in their mission to defeat Hawkmoth.

The plan started when Chat Noir informed Ladybug that he would be unavailable due to the psychopathic wishes of his father, forcing him to relocate for a few months.

Ladybug and Chat Noir had become closer and closer with each fight they won together and now found themselves in a sibling like relationship. They knew almost everything about each other, except their identities. Which neither of them really knew why but resorted to the explanation of the danger it would cause if one of them was compromised. To say that they trusted each other with everything was an understatement. Because of this Ladybug knew there was nothing she could do about Chat Noir leaving, the fact that the father managed to be a helicopter parent, an absent parent and a psychopath with trust issuers all in one makes her head spin. So, she decided she would make the best of the situation.

Marinette began to pull stings to make sure everything fell into place perfectly, she encouraged Wing to compete in the D.A.B’s, began letting cracks in her emotions show through to her family more than usual, asked if they were going on any upcoming trips, she researched and planned way into the night for months, this would be the most successful trip Ladybug and Chat Noir took together in the history of miraculous. They would find help, and they will take down Hawkmoth. Chat Noir bid his good buy to ladybug and the semi-permanent team of miraculous holders consisting of Rena Rouge, Carapace, Viperion and Ryuko. Ladybug then explained that she was also going to be out of area for a while but will always have the miraculous of teleportation on her for Akuma purification and emergencies. She trusted the group with small Akuma’s but didn’t think Alya and Nino really took the job seriously, Marinette blames herself for not giving the Kawami better matching holders.

So, the plans were set, everything was ready, she was ready.

Chat Noir and ladybug often conversed and went through the plan of attack through the days after Ladybugs arrival. To be honest that’s false, they were trying to find the bloody thing, the entrance to Hunan’s miraculous league. They found information on it thanks to the miraculous book and some odd new posts hidden deep within the internet. One might think that this was a long shot and it was, but it was the only shot they had. They needed adults, people with expert knowledge on battle strategies, physical and mental training, detective skills, … someone with a car. Literally anything would help, they both agreed that nothing would get worse in this situation as why they were trying their best to find it. Oh boy how they were wrong.

When they finally found it, they were ecstatic, so excited to learn more and to finally get help, but they were met with unenthusiastic faces. It seems that this ancient place only held artifacts of the past, no trainers, no holders, no guardians not even Miraculous. To say they were heartbroken would be an understatement. Marinette found herself slipping through the superhero façade as a single tear fell as soon as they were out of the temple, which soon was followed by more until they turned in to full on sobs as Chat Noir held his lady tight whispering sweet nothings into her hair. She knew she shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up, she tries to always expect the worse when it comes to new material on miraculous and hero work, but she couldn’t help herself. Just this one time she hopped things would go her way. After a while she calmed down and realised how she was truly thankful for her partner, the beautiful heart and hair of gold, mischievous little tom cat, her Chat Noir. They conversed and decided to take a deeper look at all of the artefacts the next day to see if they missed something, and to also discover where the mysterious aura within the temple walls was coming from.

They returned to Paris the next day at an alarming pace as they both realised that they haven’t been called over to help in any battles all week let alone purify any Akuma. They both came up with possible scenarios that would explain their absence but most of them were impossible or much in the worse scenario possible category. When they arrived in Paris they found that everything was quite normal, everything seemed to be in place, they located the hero’s and discovered that Hawkmoth hasn’t attacked in quite some time… This freaked the duo even more so. The heroes have been looking after petty crimes for the past 7 days without any suspicious activity at all. Well at least Viperion and Ryuko have. It seems that Rena Rouge and carapace have been keeping up the social experience of the team, to an extent where they were over sharing. Ladybug was furious at this for first not telling her about the suspicious activity (and yes no activity counts as suspicious activity) and secondly for sharing private information about their hero work to the public. Furious doesn’t even begin to describe what she was feeling especially when she found out that Rena Rouge was sharing yet again information, but about the hero’s personal lives, and even identity on Alya’s blog. This time she had gone too far. Chat Noir stood besides his lady silently supporting her as she disciplined his friends, he couldn’t say that he wasn’t mad, he thought he could trust them with more than this, they broke his trust.

It might be because Chat Noir’s and Ladybugs spirits were already broken but they were seriously thinking of the next best step to take as permanent miraculous holder and guardian. Drastic measures such as demoting them to normal civilians was thrown around, but they decided against that, instead they planned to revisit the situation when their civilian identities came back home, and their minds refreshed. They spent the rest of that day checking out potential suspects relating to Hawkmoth. When It came to Gabriel Agreste they weren’t sure how high or low to put him on the list of suspects, but when they visited his mansion to find that he was absent struck a cord with Marinette. She knew something was wrong. Chat Noir didn’t seem too keen on looking around the place determined that his father was a good person.

‘He just doesn’t seem like the type of guy you know?’

‘Chat I don’t think anyone thinks that a fourteen-year-old could ever be Ladybug, suspects are suspects’

When Chat wouldn’t tell her why he was acting weird Ladybug dismissed it as Him just feeling weird being in her old crushes house.

Ladybug found herself feeling off in the house, an especially when it came to Gabrielle’s study, a feeling in the pit of her stomach like a void sending sparks down her legs. They let Kaalki explore the room as they had her on handy, exited to be in a famous person’s study she eagerly obliged to snooping around the room. She zoomed quickly around the room knocking over books and papers, which Chat Noir quickly put back into place, as she finally took a plunge into the floor. They both stood there for a minute conversing in whether a Kawami can get stuck in the ground or not, but didn’t have to act as Kaalki soon flew out beneath the floorboards slower than before with a grim look on her face.

‘Well, what did you see?’ Chat said eagerly wondering what the Kawami found. Forgetting to drop a pun in the process. The Kawami only looked solemnly at the guardian.

‘I advise you to never go down their” she said, almost afraid of the words she spoke

‘Kaalki, why? What’s down there?’ Ladybug spoke, the Kawami squirmed and Chats face paled. What could be down there? What could be down there that a Kawami that has been around for thousands of years is afraid of?

‘I do not wish to speak the horrors. But I can confirm that Gabriel Agreste is in fact Hawkmoth’ her words hung beneath them like a dead man swinging side to side by a noose.

‘What.’ Was all Chat Noir could say. His mind a mess filled with memories and arguments. Finding there was two sides of himself, one that always knew and one who knows he’s innocent.

‘Are you sure’ Ladybug said grimly. meanwhile Chat Noir sat down on his father’s desk staring at the painting of his mother, his emotions running astray within his heart.

“my guardian I am sure as the sky is blue.’ Kaalki looked up at the duo both with horror and sorrow in their eyes, ‘There is refinance of the torcher of Kawami down there as well as a room filled with butterfly’s and Akuma alike. Not to mention a motive for his wish’ she continued.

‘We need to get down their’ Chat Noir decided.

‘You can’t access the tunnels from here there all been sealed off mechanically.’ She thinks for a moment ‘We can open it with Hawkmoth present’

Ladybug thought for a minute, she doesn’t want to attack a man without seeing the proof herself… But she trusts the words of her Kawami ‘Ok’ Ladybug decides ‘lets go find Gabriel Agreste’.

‘I’m glad you decided on this, It is the best to have a clear head while defeating Hawkmoth and this room will do quite the opposite’ Ladybug feeling true terror within her for a moment then turned to Chat Noir.

‘We have to find Gabriel Agreste’ she said with a determining tone ‘if I was an evil mastermind, where would I be if I weren’t at my house?’ Ladybug thought out loud. Finally coming to her senses she sees Chat Noir on the floor.

‘Hey, you ok?’ she sits down next to him and pulls him into a hug ‘Perhaps Hawkmoth has gone to catch butterfly’s’ she laughs trying to make light of the mood, trying to put a smile on his face. But Chat Noir, Adrien Agreste has never felt more conflicted in his life, his emotions were tearing him up inside, all he felt like doing was crying. He would be safe in his lady’s lap, within the embrace of his partner, his best friend, she would listen to him. ‘heck maybe he’s taken a vacation to Hawaii.’ Chat Noir jolts out of Ladybugs arms, quickly remembering where his father is and why he might be there.

“He’s in China.’ he spoke as if there was a hair ball in his mouth.

‘What.’ Ladybugs eyes wide as he has ever seen them ‘Chat what do you mean?’

‘Ladybug. Gabriel Agreste is in China.’

The statement dropped out of the cat’s mouth and rolled around the floor. This is bad. It couldn’t be, that he was also looking for the hidden miraculous association in Hunan like they were… right? No, of course not. Probably, because everything that can go wrong must.

The pair teleported to the temple once again fighting large tree branches in the way, they had no time to care for the nature in the way of their path. They had to get to the association as soon as possible, they had to make sure that everyone was ok, sure they were unhelpful but that doesn’t mean they deserve to suffer at the hands of Hawkmoth. Questions like these and more flowed through their head faster than a cat jumping out of water like; what was Kaalki  so afraid of, is Gabriel really Hawkmoth, where do my parents think I am now, what am I going to do now, will we win? After all these years of fighting finally will we win.

They ran towards the temple stopping halfway to catch their breath, understanding that if Hawkmoth was there that he would feel the presence of the portal but still silently cursing Kaalki for not bringing them closer. A scream was taken out of their lungs as large boom thundered across the forest accompanied by a large dust storm and the deepest colour of orange licking the tips of the sky. Someone had blown up the temple. Who were they kidding hawkmoth had blown up the temple. All that ancient memorabilia, the history, the connection to the miraculous, even the old farts that occasionally dust the entrance. All gone. All obliterated by the hands of one man, and for what?

‘Milady theirs something I need-‘

‘There he is’ Ladybug points at a shadow emerging from the debris ‘let’s go Chat’ she extends her hand to him, he pauses for a second then grasps her hand tight.

‘I would go anywhere with you my lady’ Kaalki quickly teleports the duo directly behind their villain of four consistent years. He turns noticing the presence, but Ladybug quickly wrapped her yo-yo around him. She pulled on the strong fiber forcing him onto the ground.

‘Gabriel Agreste’ Ladybug yelled in the most fearsome Guardian like tone Chat Noir has ever heard. To both heroes surprise Hawkmoth lifted his head off the ground looking them both in the eye

‘Ah beetlebug and kittycat, I would say I’m surprised but honestly, it took you long enough’ he spat, quite confident for a trapped man. ‘I suppose that’s what I get for fighting a bunch of children’ he huffed.

‘Well these children kept you busy for four years now didn’t we!’ Chat Noir yelled. ‘fuck you’ he said less confidently his voice breaking, both unable to move an inch towards their captive, like a moment in time that froze completely

‘I had certain obstacles in my way preventing me from defeating you, if I had a powerful miraculous this little game of cat and mouse would be over a lot quicker’

‘So, you got angry when you didn’t find any here and blew up a sacred miraculous temple?!’ she yelled her arms shaking a little from the adrenaline, unable to explain this monsters thought process

‘No, no, no little girl, I’m afraid you aren’t quite right’

‘Don’t belittle us, you’re the one trapped’ Chat Noir said growling, like a hungry beast in front of its prey.

Hawkmoth began to laugh manically ‘That’s where your wrong foolish boy, I’m right where I want to be. Don’t you know what happens if you back a wild animal into a corner?’ Chat shakes in fury as this grown man, his father laughs at him. All of those years of looking up to him, trying to get him to be proud of him, acting as the best child one could have, … all those years fighting for his life, dying again and again for the sake of his lady for the sake of taking him down. All for what. Chat controlled by rage silently walked towards the man, looked at him in the eyes, those deep dark eyes holding horrors he never wants to see. This man has tortured him for years mentally, physically and emotionally in all meanings of the word, he wanted him to pay. It was time for Adrien Agreste to finally get his revenge. With all the force he could muster he kicked his father in the ribs, feeling or maybe imagining the satisfying crack of ribs underneath his boot. One part of him thought he should be sad, but all he felt was empty. Hawkmoth coughed and wined in pain looking up at Chat smiling.

‘Is that all you got? Pussy’ his laugh this time was cut off by chats fist finding its place on garbles cheek.

‘Chat that’s enough’ Ladybug said a solemn look on her face. He looked at her and stood back.

‘Oh, I see, the little stray has an owner.’ he laughs ‘Come on ladybug give it a go! Hit me! Though I doubt you could hurt me with that tiny whore body of yours‘ he laughs one again and ladybug turns away, she knows that Hawkmoth wants to rile them up, no matter what he throws at her she won’t give in to what he wants, she will not give control to him. Chat Noir however couldn’t say the same, he wanted to follow the rules of his lady but Hawkmoth was laying in front of him completely defenseless asking for a beating ‘Oh oh I’ve got it the bitch owns the bitch’ that was the last straw for chat Noir he tackled his father the one that helped bring him into existence and started beating him unable and unwilling to hold back.

Ladybug was frozen in time afraid of her partner, afraid of how violent he had become, though she didn’t blame him. The sheer force of his attacks and the emotion behind them, such raw hatred, she’d never seen her best friend like this before. That small moment in time was all it took. Both heroes distracted one hitting the terrorist which forced the entirety of Paris under extreme pain, and the other afraid of her most trusted friend, her partner of four years. Kaalki’s glasses were slid off ladybugs head and placed into the hand of Myura. The ladybug yelped in terror as she realised a plant like looking Amok had stolen the miraculous from atop her head with its long wipe like vines. Chat also looked up from his pray in time for him to be thrown off Hawkmoths body like a sack of potatoes. Before chat could get up off the ground, he was hold tight by the forest monster as he found his lady was as well. Hawkmoth was slowly picked up off the ground by the vines and placed on his feet. His bloody face dripping with crimson and slight black bruises starting to form where Chat punched him repeatedly. How could they forget about Myura, how could they forget? They should have just transported Hawkmoth to Paris then and there, they should have tied him up, they should have checked their surroundings, they’re ladybug and Chat Noir for miraculous sake they heroes. Heroes don’t make stupid mistakes like this, freezing up when things are finally going their way. No. real heroes would have done better. They’re not heroes they failed Paris they failed the guardians before them they failed themselves. The only thing that they are is children. Scared children trying to save the day in feeling like adults dressing up in their parents clothing. How could this have happened?

‘You won’t get away with this Hawkmoth” ladybug yelled ‘Our miraculous don’t belong in the hands of evil. Good will always find a way, and it will punish you for you evil doings, the terror you have spread across Paris and now the world, if not us then the next.’ She spoke proudly as if she had won the battle, her words spoken like a true hero like a true guardian. Hawkmoth was steadied by Myura, as she gave him Kaalki’s miraculous, looking at them like she had said something strange

‘If you kill us now you will regret it, the weight of two innocent, in your word’s children, weighing on your soul for eternity. Don’t you have a kid? Adrien?’ This got Hawkmoths attention ‘He’s about the same age as us, what will you see when you look at him. Will it all be worth it? all this death and tragedy for a wish? A wish that will blow up in your face?’ Chat finished wanting to back up what Ladybug said in his own way. Hawkmoth laughed once again as if Chat had said something funny, for a moment Adrien wondered what type of face Hawkmoth would make when her realises he had killed his own child, would he laugh, just as he is now? Would he be happy that the burden of his perfect son would be gone?

Ha sorry to end it like that

I’m sorry but we wont see the romantic side for a couple of chapters but it’s coming soon I promise!

Tell me if you hate it ~

[bubbletimestories]

Don’t take him away from me (Irondad)

Summary: Tony is obsessed with Peter's disappearance and wants to bring him back at any cost. He moves away from his loved ones, sinks into depression and asks for Wong's help to save Peter.

Warnings: Major character death (?), sadness

Themes: death, father-son relationship, magic, hope, sacrifice, love, Saving Peter Parker

Translated with Google trad ^^’

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Ashes became a phobia for some, an obsession for everyone. They refused to cremate the dead, and chimney fires became rare even in the coldest winter. How could it have been otherwise?

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, but it’s impossible. As a guardian of the Sanctum, I cannot let you do it. ”

The whole world plunged into silence, as if the shock had taken people off the floor at the same time as their loved ones.

“We have to go ahead, Tony, to maintain a semblance of order. Take back your armour; we will be the Iron men. ”

A national mourning ceremony was organized when people ceased to hope. Captain America gave a long speech in memory of the missing, recalling that we had to keep courage, words without meaning, even for him. The world was not at war, it had lost without even being able to fight. They had failed. It was a month after the Purge.

________________________________________________________________

“The occult powers are not a toy, Mr. Stark, I cannot do anything for you. We all lost someone but that does not give us all the rights. I am sorry. ”

Bruce Banner embarked on research to understand where half of the Universe could have disappeared. He spent all his time there, perhaps to forget that he had lost a part of himself. But we had to face the facts: there was nothing to do, for Hulk as for the others. It was six months after the Purge.

________________________________________________________________

“Tony, you have to … that you stop feeling guilty about what happened. It was not your fault, it was nobody’s fault. Darling… ”

The remaining superheroes returned to service at the same time that the criminals woke up. A semblance of normality had returned, even though Absence was still strongly felt.

“No, Mr. Stark, I refuse to participate in that. The consequences are too uncertain, it is never good to play with life. We, guardians, learned it in pain. It’s no. ”

Thor had managed to find the survivors of Asgard and install them on a small planet to rebuild a kingdom, supported by Valkyrie and Korg. Despite his new responsibilities, he tried to return to see his friend as often as possible. Unfortunately, Point Break always found the genie in the same state: bitter, gnawed by guilt and obstinate not to see the truth. It was a year after the Purge.

________________________________________________________________

- Tony, that cannot continue. I cannot continue … to see you destroy youself. This obsession you have … It’s impossible.

Pepper looks at the impassive figure of the one she no longer recognizes, whom she cannot understand. She had tried with all her strength to support him, to push him forward, to overcome the horrors he had lived, but as much to speak to a wall.

The engagement ring tinkles on the glass table; this break up is different from the previous ones, it is an adieu. After taking a last look at the playboy, Pepper walks away to leave this room too dark, too quiet. Tony’s throaty voice suddenly stops her:

- Will you keep your word?

-Yes. If you succeed … he will officially be your heir.

She refrains from telling him once again that it’s madness. Oh what good would it be ? The door closes without Tony moving a centimetre. He knew it would happen, how could he blame Pepper after all he did? Somehow, it’s better that way, that they separate before…. he does what he has to do. Thoughtfully, he touches his side, where a long scar bears witness to the events of a year ago. A year already … and even more.

Outside, the sea crashes on the rocks under a stormy sky, as if the Sun itself was absent. Hard to believe he was hit by a moon… An umpteenth time, the superhero wonders how a single being could trigger so much chaos, so much suffering. But it’s no longer time to think about it, Tony Stark has never been one to feel sorry for himself, and he’s not going to start today. Not now that Wong has yielded.

The billionaire genie finally gets up, surprises his reflection in the bay window, the drawn features, the hair where pierce some silver threads, and especially his eyes surrounded where shines a flame of determination almost disturbing. To mourn, he can’t, not totally. Not while May Parker hates him. And rightly so: he was supposed to protect her nephew. Every day for months, she pursued him with her anger, her hate, and her sorrow, like a more seductive harpy. It was reminiscent of Tony Stark’s memories of Sokovi’s bitter victory and collateral damages. At the time, he wanted to use the government to fix his mistakes. It was not enough. He did not feel involved enough but today it’s different, he’s ready for anything.

The rain begins to fall while the man in armour joins the Sanctum of New York whose window shines like a gigantic eye watching over the city. Memories come back, his meeting with a man he could not know very long but who resembled him on many points. He, perhaps, has found a way to not die, floating for eternity in a parallel dimension.

- I’m sure your friend teleported to a beach in the Pacific, Wong. He looked smart enough for that.

Tony walks in the door, arranges his rain-soaked hair until the wizard deigns to arrive. It does not take long before he appears, frowning as usual, living figure of disapproval.

- You should refrain from this kind of joke or I may change my mind.

- I just made a guess, no need to come to the threat.

Wong does not answer anything, guides his guest through a series of corridors, the sound of their footsteps choked by oriental rugs. However, the mystic librarian ends up breaking the silence, visibly worried.

- Are you sure you want to do that?

Silly question, it’s been more than a year since the billionaire harassed him without his determination ever faltering and yet, Wong listed the risks more than once. But he supposes that for Tony Stark, life is a gigantic bet. His host does not even bother to answer, it’s so obvious. When the kid di …when he disappeared, it was as if he had taken some of his mentor with him, something broke and the man in armour wanted only one thing: bring him back whatever it costs. Banner told him it was hopeless, Captain asked him to mourn, but it was impossible. When it was not May who was shouting her hate, he saw the teenager’s face in his nightmares. Now he has planned everything. Pepper will run the business until he’s ready, Rhodey will look after him and train him with the other heroes, Banner will take care of the scientific part … He’s been thinking about it for months now and now that Wong has accepted, he will be able to bring back Peter. Wherever he is.

Where Tony expects to see incense, bones, mysterious symbols, in short, all the paraphernalia of resurrection, he finds only one manuscript and the master of the mystical arts donning a double ring. It would not be Wong, you could think of a scam.

- You’ll only have a few minutes to find it. After that, you will both be lost.

- Oh, I thought you were going to announce bad news ..., jokes Tony with a smile but without the spark of irony that always lit his eyes once. Not really knowing what else to do, he stands in front of the librarian, waiting, noting that the wizard carefully avoids his eye with emotion. It would be almost touching.

Wong takes a breath and circles in the air with his fingertips, articulating inaudible words for the man in front of him. This could be any teleport spell at first. But the sparks are usually of a color of fire and not of a deep blue, what we see through the portal is not a gigantic dark expanse. Tony stares for a moment, hoping to see something, a silhouette or even a shape but nothing stands out in the dark.

“Mr. Stark, is it too late to go to the bathroom?»

He probably would have said something like that … if he had been there.

To think thus of the teenager revives the determination of the hero, a moment frozen by apprehension, he turns to Wong to send him a last salute.

- Thank you very much and above all, take care of him. I do not want to have to come and kick your ass.

And without waiting for the answer of the wizard, he crosses the portal quickly, no hesitating anymore.

When Tony Stark had imagined this moment, he had envisioned an intense cold, the same that takes us when we die. But on the other side of the mirror, there is neither cold nor heat, only emptiness and an absence of sensations. All around the billionaire, a deafening silence spreads into the darkness, as if there was nothing else in the world than this visitor. After the shock of discovery, Tony decides to move forward, heart beating and thinking only of the one he must find at any cost. Under his feet, the ground is wrinkled like the surface of a pond but the billionaire is not careful, focused on his mission.

- Underoos !

His voice pierces the ambient calmness, scatters in the void before the silence falls. It is then that a pale color task is formed a few meters from the Avenger, blurry but very real, standing out against the dark background. Gradually, the task becomes clearer, as if you were focusing on it. Peter looks around him, a picture less and less flickering with each heartbeat. Looking as after a long sleep, he blinks, tries to understand where he is. On his face passes a flood of emotions as he remembers his last moments, the battle, the defeat, his death. His whole body trembles and he curls up, hiding nothing of his fear because he believes himself alone, lost forever. My god, he’s dead … so it looks like this after?

Tony slowly approaches the teenager, losing nothing of the confusion that moves him and makes him blind to what surrounds him. He kneels right in front of him, stroking his hair like a little child, making him jump.

- Mr Stark?!

The large hazel eyes express both surprise and immense joy in recognizing their hero and this reaction expresses such innocence that Tony’s heart is tightening. It is because of him that the little one suffers all this … but this ordeal ends, he will go home.

- It’s over…

Without really knowing why, Peter feels he can reassure himself, that his mentor has found a solution and that he can trust him. It’s Iron Man, he always succeeds.

The seconds go by and Tony knows they do not have a lot of time before … being separated again. Then he draws the young man against him, serves him in his arms with more emotion than he would like. No door to open to serve as an excuse, it is a real hug this time. Taken by surprise, Peter does not react immediately as this gesture seems strange to him on the part he admires. Then he puts his arms around him, gives him back his embrace, burying his face against the scarred chest. Nightmares can’t reach him now, everything will be better.

The portal reopens too early, far too early for Tony’s taste. Seeing the sapphire sparks, his first movement is to squeeze the boy closer to his heart, so that they will never be separated again. Then he regains his composure, pushes Peter aside to look into his eyes.

- You’re going home now. Your aunt must make a blood of ink.

- Mr Stark?

Something in the attitude of his mentor worries suddenly the teenager who scans the face of Tony in search of an explanation. It is at this moment that Wong passes his arms through the portal to catch the young man and pull him towards him. Reflexively, Peter clings to the arm of his hero, suddenly sensing that they will be separated.

- No, Mr Stark!

Tony smiles painfully, hoping to be a little reassuring even though he’s never been good at these things.

-It will be fine.

And with a sharp gesture, he recoils to let go of his protégé who screams, tears in his eyes.

-Dad!

The portal closes on him, leaving Tony Stark in the dark, alone but reassured. Now, the little one is safe.

[a-place-for-me-au]

A PLACE FOR ME : CHAPTER 1

Summary: September 2nd, 2019. First day of freshman year.

Trigger Warnings: Cursing, homophobic slur (as joke), bullying (mentioned), homophobia (mentioned), depression, deadnaming, violence, food

Characters: Deceit, Roman, Remus, Patton, Virgil, Logan, Remy

(mentioned) Corbin, Sloane

Words: 5770

AO3

CHAPTER 1 |

Notes: Big thanks to @missfay49 for being an amazing beta reader!

VIRGIL

Monday. The air was crisp, the leaves had started to turn, but still the grass was fresh and green. I set my eyes to the ground, but I still felt the heat of bodies moving around me. My eyes flitted across the faces of people I may have known years ago. My eyes returned to the ground and I saw the grass. Most of it was bright and green, but soon I found underwatered patches. The dew however, made the bright grass brighter. As I glanced back up, my heart was beating a little fast, I guess. Last time I was in school, I got beat up, and nearly sent to the hospital. Maybe now it would be a little different. I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets and walked into the cold, uninviting school.

PATTON

September 2nd. The leaves were golden and the air was shiny and bright, with cold light making the colors morph into something else. The trees loomed overhead. It wasn’t quite cold enough for the sweater I was wearing, but the heavy, knitted sweater kept me safe and held. I had never been to school, and I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve seen a handful of movies about high school, but, to be honest, I never cared much about movies. The looming building seemed tall and intimidating in front of me. The people all seemed tall and intimidating. I stared at the ground and imagined that instead of hoards of hormonal teenagers, I was surrounded by animals of the forest. Deer, rabbits, frogs, birds...

DEE

The second of September, the first day of school. It was just another day, and yet, the gold in the leaves was all the more noticeable. A chilly breeze grazed my skin, and I put up a hand to the burned half of my face. I didn’t care about it, and no one else did, and yet, the idea someone might find it wrong never left my head. I stared up at the grey building, framed by a grey morning sky.

ROMAN

Monday, on the second of September, in the year 2019. The tall sweeping trees, dotted with browns and vivid oranges swayed in the light fall breeze. The green of the grass, while not as vibrant as in the intense summer months, was still vivid, especially when juxtaposed against the cold cement surrounding the school. The school, a grey, uninviting building with bars on the doors, felt grand and mysterious. The grey bricks made me think of great castles of villains. I sighed. I took a glance at my brother Remus, but quickly looked down at the ground. I’d barely slept last night. I’d finally gone to sleep at the foot of my brother’s bed somewhere around five in the morning, my face wet from tears. It had been a tough week so far, but at this moment, I felt nothing.

REMUS

It was Monday, September 2nd. The trees twisted over the concrete, and I gazed up at their colorful leaves that had just started to change. The grass was still bright and colorful, and full of vibrancy. Feelings dashed through the air like leaves falling from trees. I could feel excitement, fear, worry, boredom and dozens more emotions flitting through students minds. I could feel my brother Roman beside me. The school loomed over, highlighted against the bright grey sky. I imagined spikes coming from the top of the grey prison and skipped forward, putting a bright smile on my face. Time to make some impressions!

LOGAN

Mon. 02/09/2019. The trees lining the concrete pathway to the school were starting to turn brown. Some leaves had already fallen. However, the grass was still green. The school was simple and plain. It was blank and gray, with grates over the windows. A feeling of anticipation was welling up in my chest, and while I hesitated to call it excitement, the idea of learning new things was...inviting.

VIRGIL

I took a deep breath. It’s this or get dead named in front of your entire class. 

“Excuse me, is this 204? Mr. Johnson’s room?” I asked, hanging off the doorframe. A tall man with dark, wrinkled skin and a bright, grey beard looked at me and beckoned me to his desk. 

“I am Mr. Johnson. What can I help you with? Class doesn’t start for another twenty minutes.” His face had a quizzical expression, and he placed his head on his fist.

I pushed my hands deep into my pockets, reaching for some security. “Um, see...well, it’s about… my, um, like my name.” I took a deep breath. I could feel my hands shaking. Would you really rather be doing this in front of the entire class? “My name is Virgil.” I blurted. 

He gave me a strange look, then pulled out his roster sheet. “Um, let me see if you’re on here…”

“I’m not.” I swallowed. “I came because,” My head felt light. “My name is, um, Virgil Ancell.” I took a deep breath.

In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. 

“My legal name is, um,” It had been a while since I’d used it. “Amelia.” I said quietly.

“Well! Nice to meet you Virgil, I’ll be sure to make note of that, I wouldn’t want to use the wrong name for someone.” I smiled, I was still shaking, but I felt more grounded.

Now I just have to do that six more times.

I took a seat near the front and laid back, pulling a fidget cube out and fiddling with it. Mr. Johnson continued working on something. “Hey kid, Virgil.” I look up. “Do you think you could put a syllabus on each desk? There’s, one sec, uh, 27 students, so…” He counted out several sheets of paper. I placed my cube in my pocket and walked to the desk. He handed me the papers. “Just, yeah, put them on the desks, thanks kid.” I smiled, and did as asked.

Some time passed, after I’d put syllabi on all the desks, and kids started to filter in. I pulled my hood over my head and looked down. Mr. Johnson shot me a look. “No hoods.” He said, looking at me. I took it off, and immediately regretted it. I could feel the stares, I swore.

I heard people talking under their breath.

“Who’s the new kid?”

“I don’t know, but he seems emo as hell.”

“Seriously though, we haven’t had a new student in years, do you think they moved here?”

I sunk into my seat and gazed lazily at the door when a short, round person walked in the room. They held their head low, keeping their eyes on the ground. They had short, curly, golden hair, and large, round glasses. Their cheeks were rosy and covered in freckles. They were wearing a white tank top and a knee-length blue skirt. 

Heads turned. They shone like the sun, their footsteps soft, eyes sparkling. Just seeing them was like breathing in a bouquet of sweet-smelling roses. The room got physically brighter as they sat in the front row, right in front of me. Their presence was like an angel come to sit on Earth.

Suddenly, a tall guy with dark hair and sunglasses sat on the desk next to me. He was wearing a white shirt, a leather jacket, and some short jean-shorts.

“Hey.” He said, a nonchalant look on his face.

I looked down. I was scared. No way around it. I was in a new environment, and I was scared. “Hi.” I said meekly.

“I don’t know you. What’s your name? And you too, pretty boy.” He looked at the soft boy in a skirt. The boy looked at him, and then at me.

“I’m… Virgil.” He gave me a look like he’d seen a ghost.

“Oop. Welp, what’s up, kid. Name’s Remy. You might remember me.”

Remy.

My heart beat fast. Looking now, I recognized him. Those eyes, the eyes that stared me down every day of my life. That voice that would tease and ridicule me. Memories of being called a dyke, a faggot, of my head being dunked in the toilet of the boy’s bathroom. 

‘Go back to the girl’s room, Amelia. Amelia. You were such a pretty girl.’

“I should let you know I’ve changed a lot.” He was awkwardly rubbing his neck. “After you left, I got put in my place.” There was a moment. I didn’t know what to say--I couldn’t say anything.

“Well hon, “ he said, breaking the silence, “That’s too much to unpack.” He took a deep breath and turned to the boy at the front.

“Now you, pretty boy.”

I looked down. This was… Remy? But he was so… awful. I looked at him, refusing to believe someone could change like that. But maybe. Maybe they can.

I moved my seat a few inches away from him.

PATTON

The first few minutes went great! People are already starting to talk to me! I think they’re being genuine. I don’t know.

The boy… Remy. I didn’t know what to do. Should I tell him my name? Why is he calling me pretty boy? Is that normal? I was confused.

“You there, kid?” He waved his hand in front of my face. “I’ve never seen you before.” 

“I’m… Patton.” I said shyly. He reached out his hand to shake mine, but then the bell rang, and class started.

Class passed by quickly. I wasn’t sure of everything, I’d never been to public school, but it was somehow a lot easier than I expected. 

Finding the rooms wasn’t that difficult. There were five floors, and the room number corresponded to the floor. 501, for example, was in the northeast of the fifth floor.

That didn’t make switching classes any easier. I was tossed around like a bouncing ball at the beach by the waves of students making their way to each class. In the forest, everything is calm and peaceful. There’s more than enough space for everyone. In the hallways between classes? It’s a thundering storm, paired with a flood.

The day went on uneventfully. Mostly, teachers were giving out syllabi and setting rules. We got a bit of homework for English, but that was just to check on all of our reading levels.

English had been quite nice actually. The teacher, Ms. Green, passed out the syllabi for the class, as well as a few pages of a story. It was just a simple exercise, to see how long it took us as a class to get a reading activity. It was an excerpt from one of my favorite books: The Secret Garden. I’d read it a thousand times over. Well, I’d read a lot of books a thousand times over.

I was walking through the halls towards the cafeteria, reflecting on the day when I was suddenly I was thrown from my thoughts when I found myself tripping and falling into someone. I could feel their hands grip my arms, and they pulled me up. I looked up into deep, dark brown eyes. He had reddish brown hair and a cocky smile. 

Well I knew I wasn’t straight, but in the name of all that is good, gosh darn it. Am. I. Gay.

I could feel my face getting red. It’s my first day and I’ve already tripped and fallen right into the arms of a frickin’ prince.

I tried to right myself, and force out an apology. “My goodn--oh my--geez--I am--so sorry. Are, I, uh, hurt? Are you, um, hurt did I--”

“It’s cool.” He gave me a smile like the goddamn sun was shining in my face. 

“I’m am so I am sorry.”

He chuckled, then he looked at me closer. “You’re new. Did you just move to Marshfield?”

“I was-- um, homeschooled. I’ve always lived here, well, near, I technically don’t live in the, uh city, I--uh--town limits. I live just outside. Near the, uh the forest. I live, um, across the river.” I realized I had been staring a hole into his face and I quickly looked down, blushing. I noticed he was wearing a white and red letterman jacket and jeans.

“Then I can see why you’re so nervous. I shouldn’t keep you waiting for your next class.”

“I um, it’s cool, I, uh, it’s my lunch.”

“Oh yeah?” He said.

I smiled, trying to seem a little stable. He was tall. Really tall. At least a head taller than me. “Hey, want to come join my and my table? To be honest I don’t know if there will be a seat but, if there is, you can chill with us.”

Should I accept this? Will I be rude if I don’t? Is there some sort of unspoken conversation going on?

“Well, I, um I wouldn’t want to,” I paused. “Impose on your, uh, friend group.” Will this work? 

“It’s cool, I’ll just see if there’s any extra seats?” The guy said. I nodded, I mean, I didn’t know how else to respond.

“By the way, what’s your name?” He said, walking towards the cafeteria.

“Patton.” I said shyly. 

“Alright, come on Patton, I’m Roman.” As Roman walked, another boy came out of the crowd. He had the same face as Roman, but he was thin. He had a light mustache and heavy eye bags. However, probably the most noticeable thing about him was his bright green, embroidered, floral patterned shirt with ruffles on his shoulders. 

“I’m Remus, the sexiest man you’ll ever meet.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Roman turned around to playfully slap him. He turned back to me. 

“He’s my twin.”

When we got to the cafeteria, I could see the tables were small, and could each fit eight people. I followed him to a table near the back of the room where someone was waving. Once we got closer, I saw it was Remy, from my first period. 

“Hey, pretty boy.” Said Remy with a wink.

“Shut up Remy, he’s new. Besides, you wouldn’t want Dee to hear you.” Roman said.

“Someone say my name?” A tall kid turned towards Roman. A scar, which seemed like an old burn, covered half his face, and stretched down his neck. He was wearing a black button down shirt, and, to my surprise, a black cape that went halfway down his back, trimmed with yellow. He also wore a black bowler.

“Yo, Ro, I don’t think we have enough seats, ‘cause I’m pretty sure Corbin has this lunch period too.” Said Remus as he looked around the table.

“Ah, shit. Well, I hope you find an empty table, you’re always welcome here if one of us doesn’t show up.” Roman gave a sympathetic smile.

Great, first day, and I’ve already embarrassed myself in front of the hottest guy in the school.

I scanned the cafeteria, searching for an empty table. I saw one in the corner near the kitchen, with only two people at it. Upon approaching, I saw it was one of the kids from my first period class. What was his name? V-- I couldn’t remember.

“Can I sit here?”

The boy from first period--Virgil!-- looked up, and then to the other person. The boy, who had well groomed, dark hair, and thick square glasses, looked at me and shrugged. He was wearing a black button down shirt, and a blue tie. I took a seat so that we were of equal distance from each other. I was unsure if I was supposed to talk to them in this situation, so I looked down at my food and decided to let them do the initiating. 

DEE

“Dee!” A body crashed into me as I was walking down the hall, and a pair of arms latched onto my torso. I feel a light peck on my neck, then I hear the ice of a Starbucks cup.

“Hey, Remy.” I turned around as soon as Remy released me.

“Oh hon, you look fine. That’s one hell of a cape.” I looked down at my questionable clothing choice.

“The extreme tends to make an impression.”

“Ooh, he’s hot, fearless, and a Heathers fan? I might be in love.”

“Oh, shut up, Remy. Do you know what table we’re sitting at?”

“Not yet,” he linked arms with me and started to walk, “but Roman said to meet him and Remus in the cafeteria during breakfast to coordinate. You know, lunch periods and all that jazz.”

I nod. “The cafeteria is on the top floor?”

“Sure is, hon.”

We made our way to the top floor, Remy saying hi to about five dozen people as we walked past.

“Do you know everyone in the school?”

“Hon, I know everyone in this town.”

Remy might not get all As, (in fact, one A was an accomplishment) and he didn’t always know how to read emotions, and he wasn’t great at solving problems, but if there was one thing he was smart in, was names. He knew every name he’d ever been told, he claims. And it wasn’t just people he’d met; actors, singers, bands, he was a genius. He knew everyone in the school, even if they weren’t friends.

“Hey Jack, honey, looking gay!” He said, knocking his voice up an octave. 

“You too!” He winked.

Another thing Remy was? Gay. Some people are gay, but Remy was not satisfied with that, no. Every had to know. He was up and out and proud.

It’s kind of funny, he use to bully all the gay kids, or the trans kids. His parents were never accepting, and I guess he used to bottle up a lot of internalized homophobia…

“Ooh hon, stop doing your head monologue and say hi to Roman!”  He said when we got into the cafeteria.

Roman, hot as ever, and at least a few inches taller.

“What it do, faggots and Roman.” Remy said.

“Uh, rude much.” Remy released my arm and ran up to squeeze Roman. Not letting go of him, Remy leaned back. “Man, you are a hunk.” 

“Well, I spent the last three months working out everyday. I guess puberty finally set in.”

“Oh, and you got a little fuzz! You are a man, hon.” He gasped, and let go of Roman. 

“Remus! You got a mustache, and you are rocking that top. Dee, get over here.” I walked around Roman. Remus was wearing a frilly shirt, green with a floral pattern embroidered on.

“Hoo, I feel underdressed.” I smirked, fiddling with my cape.

Soon I felt Remus’s arms wrap around me. “Hey noodle.”

I giggled. “Don’t fucking call me that.”

“Aww, my little angry noodle.”

I rolled my eyes, but I felt warm inside.

“Come on, guys, I’m going to show you the table.” Roman said, walking through the lunchroom. Remus let go of me. There was a table in the back corner, complete with Corbin, Sloane, Kai, and Elliot already sitting there. “Everyone, time to compare rosters.”

I found out I didn’t share many classes with the gang, but I was in the same lunch period as the rest of the table. After we were all satisfied, we caught up until the bell rang, and we were off to classes.

***

The classes passed uneventfully, and soon it was lunchtime.

When Roman walked in, there was a short boy in tow.

He had round glasses, but they didn’t distract from his glittering blue eyes. His steps were dainty and small, and still somehow graceful and sweeping. His head was held low, and he couldn't have been more than five foot, but when he walked in, the entire room was at his fingertips.

I could feel light and warmth filling the room. I looked around and found half the cafeteria with their jaws to the floor staring. I could swear a melody was playing in my head as the boy followed Roman to our table.

“Shut up Remy, he’s new. Besides, you wouldn’t want Dee to hear you.” Roman said.

“Someone say my name?” I said, breaking my stare to look at Roman.

“Yo, Ro, I don’t think we have enough seats, ‘cause I’m pretty sure Corbin has this lunch period too.” Said Remus as he looked around the table. My head processed the situation, and then my heart sank a little. The Literal Angel would not be sitting with us, he would have to find some other seat. 

“Ah, shit. Well, I hope you find an empty table, you’re always welcome here if one of us doesn’t show up.” Roman gave a sympathetic smile.

I wanted to offer up my seat, but before I could form the words, the boy had shuffled off to another table.

ROMAN

“We’re meeting everyone in the cafeteria because apparently I’m the leader of this friend group and I have to decide where we sit.”

Me and my brother Remus we’re walking into the school building. Not five minutes in I was bombarded with hordes of joyous teenagers.

“Yo, Ro!”

“What it do, kid?”

“It’s the little guy on the football team!”

“Not so little anymore, hey kiddo!”

I forced a smile and slapped the hands of the people walking by. 

“Hey!”

“Was your summer good?”

“Hey, watch it, you almost bumped into me!”

“You good?” Remus leaned over to me. The rush of people around me faded away as I felt my brother lean into me. I threw my arm around his shoulder. 

“Yeah.” I lied.

He could tell. He always could. I gulped, and straightened my spine. 

Feeling his warmth so close to me was a comfort. Like having a too big dog in your lap, like curling up to your mother on a cold night. Like your brother that’s always there for you in your time of need.

We travelled through the waves of people, eventually cutting through the crowd to the top floor, where the cafeteria was. I put on a smile and went through the motions. I greeted my acquaintances. 

Then it was time for classes.

***

Remus was talking, but I wasn’t really paying much attention to his words. We had the same roster this year, so a lot of what he was saying was just repeating the events of the day before. I was in a trance, the words going in one ear, out the other. I could barely register the way my feet were hitting the ground.

I was suddenly yeeted from my daydream when a body was thrown in my direction. On instinct, I grabbed the arms of said body, gripping them tightly. I put on a cocky smile, and then the head of the body turned up at me.

He had eyes that sparkled like diamonds, they were a pale baby blue. His touch seemed to ooze happiness. I could feel something spreading from his hands, coursing through my blood. I felt happy, for the first time in a while.

It was as if sunlight was streaming through the tiny windows along the wall as he tried to apologize.

“My goodn--oh my--geez--I am--so sorry. Are, I, uh, hurt? Are you, um, hurt did I--”

“It’s cool.” I said, giving a genuine smile for the first time that day.

“I’m am so I am sorry.”

His nervous demeanor only made him more adorable. I wanted to grab his hand right then and run away from this school forever. As I looked at him, I wondered why I’d never noticed him before.

“You’re new? Did you just move to Marshfield?”

He stammered out a string of words, which I managed to connect to “I was homeschooled.” As he spoke, though, his face took a pink tint and he looked at the ground.

Suddenly the thoughts were racing through my mind. I tried to think of all the possible ways I screwed this up, or could screw it up more.

I spat something about being nervous, but I wasn’t really sure of the words coming from my mouth anymore.

“I um, it’s cool, I, uh, it’s my lunch.”

Then I invited him to my table. I could feel my heart beating. Stupid stupid. That’s weird. He’s going to think your weird. What will the others think. I don’t have enough seats.

Indeed there weren’t enough seats, as pointed out by Remus. I stared at him. Sorry. I thought, giving him a smile. He returned it and walked off to another table. I gazed as he went.

I expected my heart to return to it’s grey, melancholy state. And yet? The warmth stayed, even as I turned away from him.

“He’s cute.” Remus said.

I rolled my eyes and took a seat, a touch of pink on my cheeks.

REMUS

Today was a bad day. I’d woken up to Roman curled at the bottom of my bed for the third time since last Monday. His hair was messy, and his face. His light makeup had been skewed by tears. Now, as we were walking down the hallways, he was masking his mood with a smile. 

People greeted him in the halls left and right. I leaned over “You good?” It was a silly question. I knew he wasn’t. He laid his arm on my shoulder.

“Yeah.” He lied.

We walked into the lunchroom and were soon confronted by a sunglass-wearing gay.

“Ooh hon, stop doing your head monologue and say hi to Roman! What it do, faggots and Roman.” Remy said.

“Uh, rude much.” Roman said. 

“Man, you are a hunk.” I heard Remy say. I refrained from mentioning I was the one who got him to work out every morning. I zoned out for a minute until I heard Remy say my name.

“You got a mustache, and you are rocking that top. Dee, get over here.”

I noticed Dee for the first time and smiled. 

“Hoo, I feel underdressed.” I heard him say before I leapt forward and pulled him into a hug.

“Hey noodle.”

He giggled, adorably. “Don’t fucking call me that.”

“Aww, my little angry noodle.”

He rolled his eyes, but I could feel his heart warm up. 

“Come on, guys, I’m going to show you the table.” Roman said, walking through the lunchroom. I let go of him with a smile on my face.

***

Pretty soon I was walking to Biology side by side with Roman. I managed to slip into the room just before the bell rang. I gave a cocky smile to the teacher and picked a seat in the back row. I looked around the room at the students. When my eyes landed on Logan, I smiled, and a memory came to mind.

People were gathered in the classroom, we’d just been told that Amelia… uh, Virgil, the trans kid, had left the school. I was looking around the room at the students reactions. Many were snickering, but quite a few also seemed to be seething.

I heard several remarks, but didn’t catch any. I guess I was sad that a student left, but we hadn’t been friends, so. Well. I guess s--he didn’t have any friends. I started to feel bad for him when suddenly an angry kid stood up. The teacher was standing just outside the classroom talking to someone as the kid--Logan-- walked up to everyone’s favorite bully, Remy.

Remy had been a jerk to Am--Virgil for years. Before he came out, and after. He bullied him for being a lesbian, for being trans, and other made-up and fictional “problems”. Remy bullied everyone, I guess, but Virgil… it was bad for he--him.

My eyes followed Logan as he walked right up to Remy. Remy looked nonchalant at the approach, and didn’t even look at Logan. “Hey.” Said Logan, looking straight on at Remy.

“What do you want, nerd?” Remy said, standing up. As I examined Logan, I could see his eyes were glassy with the threat of tears.

“It’s your fault. If you weren’t such a goddamn jerk to him all the time, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Oh what, you’re defending that girl, she’s not worth it.”

“Shut up Remy, he’s a boy, and I am here to punch you.”

Logan did not disappoint. I saw the teacher turning around out of the corner of my eye, but quickly gave my full attention to the two boys. Logan raised his fist and--

BAM!!

His fist collided with Remy’s face, sending him backwards, tripping over the chair. My heart beat faster. Logan’s face turned cold and unmerciful. He wiped a tear from his face and looked down upon the body. 

(The teacher gazed apathetically before giving a thumbs up and turning back to the door.)

Well, I don’t know how I’m supposed to believe I’m straight.

Butterflies fly through my stomach, and my heart turned over in my chest. He was beautiful, and his fist could do magic.

That was the moment I fell in love with Logan Lowell.

I was pulled back to the present as the class started, and began to take notes on the teacher and the like. My eyes never strayed far from Logan, though. I got lost in daydreams, as I often did. Many of them involved confessing my love to Logan in extreme and extravagant ways. I also created a few vivid descriptions of how exactly I would go about physically torturing him, but I put those aside.

***

The next two periods passed uneventfully, and pretty soon me and Roman were walking down the halls to lunch.

“And let me tell you about his eyes.” I’d been gushing about Logan since this morning, and was not slowing down. “He just has the most--” I was interrupted when I noticed a small body making his way down the hall--straight towards Roman. Neither of them were paying attention. I reached a hand out to pull Roman to the side, but before I could even touch him, the two collided.

As the two apologized, I stared at the boy. He was short, and yet, you didn’t feel like he was. He seemed to be glowing, but I blinked, and the aura disappeared. He had pale, shiny blue eyes, and luscious golden hair. He was beautiful. 

Roman invited him to his table. I might have protested, but the boy seemed so sweet that I didn’t dare.

“Patton.” His name was Patton. I felt it was necessary to step in,

“I’m Remus, the sexiest man you’ll ever meet.”

Roman, I noticed, didn’t take his eyes off of Patton, which, I mean, who could blame him? As we walked into the lunch room, I counted the people at our table. After a moment of thought, I realized we didn’t have an extra seat. 

“Yo, Ro, I don’t think we have enough seats, ‘cause I’m pretty sure Corbin has this lunch period too.” I saw Roman shoot a sympathetic look, and the boy, Patton, walked away. 

“He’s cute.” I said. Roman blushed and took a seat.

LOGAN

I stepped into the building, pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose, and glanced around the hall.

Hordes of teenagers rushed across the shining floors, racing to their next class. I stepped through the crowds, swerving around, hitting no one, and yet moving swiftly past. Years of ballet had trained me to move quickly, efficiently, and gracefully.

I stepped into my first period classroom and look around the room. The teacher, a well dressed woman, gave me a smile, and I took a seat in the front row, by the window. I pulled out a notebook and wrote “AP Physics” and my name, “Logan Lowell” on the front. I opened it to the first page and began copying down information from the board about the teacher.

‘Daphne Moon

dmoon@rendsd.org

Graduated from…’

Slowly other students filed in, some familiar, some not. I never paid any attention to the students, I never much needed to. I spent the time waiting for class to begin, staring out the window at the leaves of a large oak tree. 

The class went fairly smoothly, the teacher introduced herself, talked about the syllabus.

Then we were off to our next class. English.

***

“Hello class, I’m Ms. Green. It’s a pleasure to meet each of you. I have my contact information up on the board if you want to read that and…”

She gave a nod and began counting papers on her desk. She looked up, apparently counting the students, and soon began placing papers on desks. I took a look at them. One was titled “About Me”, and it had a variety of questions on it. The second one was the syllabus, and I began to skim through it.

“Please fill out your about me papers, there are markers if you want to color it.”

It was like being back in kindergarten.

I began to fill out the paper. 

What is/are your favorite subject/s?

Physics, astronomy

What do you like to do outside of school?

Ballet, research

How can I best help you?

Challenging the students more than you think they can handle, offering resources to learn more for students who are interested

I finished the paper quickly, and spent the rest of the period relaxing and gazing out the window.

***

Third period came and went, and soon I made my way to lunch. I had brought a sandwich, and apple, and a bottle of water, which I promptly laid out once I’d found an empty table in the cafeteria. Soon, a boy in a hoodie took a seat across the table from me. I nodded out of politeness, but otherwise didn’t acknowledge him.

I began my lunch, taking in the scene

Then he walked in.

I don’t quite believe he was a boy, more a celestial being. I scoffed silently. An angel? Logan you’re really going mad.

I wasn’t quite sure why I was gazing at him like there were stars in his eyes, but I followed him as he walked with the football player, Roman? to his table. He was meek, and short, and yet he commanded the attention of the room. I blushed and forced my eyes down to my food. I felt silly for admiring him, but I ignored it.

I stared intensely at my food as I ate. I heard footsteps approaching my table and looked up It was him. I tried to ignore him.

“Can I sit here?”

I shrugged. My odds of avoiding human attraction have severely declined. This is going to be a nice school year.

[4nime6-blog]

Cool Hip Anime!

Anime

Large sparkling eyes, brightly coloured frizzy hair, obscure nose and high facial expression reminds us connected with only one factor.

Anime

Can you do you know what the item is?

If your response is actually Anime, then STOP, to see an otaku's brain!

Cartoons (pronounced: "Ah-nee-may") will be a form of animation typically from Okazaki, japan. They have got their own style this means you will show that in peculiar and wonderful ways. Cartoons also has its very own sense associated with comedy along with has a unique thought processes. It can get actually strong and serious, as well as it could truly be silliest (like: "Lucky Star", "Kill Me Baby") in addition to craziest (like: "Death Note", "Gintama") thing a person have ever before seen. Many Anime demonstrates are centered on popular mangas (Japanese Comics), just putting any not much more life into these people. Cartoons often covers far more serious issues than normal cartoons. In the united states, cartoons tend to be considered a form regarding enjoyment meant for youngsters. In Okazaki , japan, people involving all ages (no, not necessarily newborn babies! ) see anime. Most shows and flicks are centred for youngsters, teenager or young older people, but you can also get many cartoons that are made with regard to older crowd even business people and housewives!

The phrase "Anime" is the close pronunciation connected with "animation" within Japanese, exactly where this expression references just about all animation. Outside the house Japan, cartoons is applied to refer specifically toon from Japan or Western disseminated animation style usually characterized by colourful visuals, attractive characters and fantastical designs. Japanese animation commenced inside 20th century. Katsudo Shashin is claimed for you to be the first Japan animation. The 1923 Fantastic Kanto earthquake triggered wide-spread destruction including demolition associated with earliest Anime Companies as well as anime works; departing Kouchi's Namakura Gatana because the most well-known surviving animation. The 1st cartoons television series was Otogi Manga Calendar aired by 1961 to 1964.

This introduction to anime ended up being in category four while I watched "City Hunter" in a T. Sixth v. channel, Animax. Though I could see anime (as a make a difference of fact the particular multiple of anime is usually anime) like "Doraemon", "Shinchan", "Avatar-The last airbender", "Summer Days and nights with Coo", "AstroBoy", "Dragon Ball-Z", "Naruto" in the past just before yet I did definitely not recognize the profound perception regarding anime as this was dubbed throughout Hindi (rather I would point out "contaminated" instead of "dubbed" by means of old, ridiculous man noises in Hindi who also would break unnecessary, slap-stick jokes deviating viewers through the plot and also terrain you in a hotch-potch of indianised anime). My very own sister ( three yrs young than me even though I actually refuse to confess she is older when compared with me) took weird curiosity in Japanese anime similar to " Tears to Tiara" and "Stigma of typically the Wind" aired in Animax: that we thought strange from that time while the "patriotic inertia" will stop me from receiving something but Indian products. I got first repelled by often the proven fact that all the words casts have been in Japoneses and to understand history I had to consider difficulty of reading the actual Subtitles in english and had to help correlate the particular speech using the video proven; regarding which great deal involving attention seemed to be required. That was impossible personally in order to do both those exhaustion tasks at the very same time, so I delivered to my old Capital t. V. channels: Cartoon Community, Nickolodeans, Hungama, Pogo, Come back and Jetix.

After some sort of very long hiatus, in type seven, My spouse and i again started out experimenting our skills with understanding anime which often converted out to be a new success, when I 1st delighted in anime including "Hayate the Combat Butler" along with "Fairy Tail". Also! This kind of sweet poison! Following a total hectic day time in school, expenses, floating around classes, art in addition to audio classes, and full various other heck lot of routines; I waited only to be able to settle-back and relax for you to watch these kinds of anime. From that time, nothing was of importance to me; not also my parents, close friends as well as teachers. In that online realms of pleasure My partner and i could equipment my failures and sufferings as effortlessly as I got obtained in successes. Nothing irritated me, except when We were required to attend phone telephone calls or to wide open entrance, if any guests will come when the anime indicates were ongoing. However, cartoons hardly did affect this studies as after seeing two hour long plan, I suffered from PARTS (Post Anime Depression Syndrome) that I suffered typically the sense of guilt of wasting moment that has been more intensified through my very own mother's rebuke (I wish to describe this circumstance as "Kata Ghaye nuun-er Chheta") and this also guilt might propel my family to review harder, concentrate and also perform for longer hours this also occurred as daily schedule in my opinion; so I can easily get the best of most connected with the students be that researching or swimming or even any different work.

Hence to all parents, I actually would like to ask for allowing your kids to help watch anime because it proved helpful out for me (maybe I use strange wirings within my human brain! ). Enjoying anime would help an individual to hone your fictional, vocabulary and analytical expertise. More importantly, it would certainly serve as a enormous source of entertainment, at the very least way beyond the little league of daily Indian soap.

Understanding the culture associated with origins is very crucial to realize the plan, be it Japanese cartoons, Korean language Aeni webtoons, China's Manhua Anime or Us sitcoms (which I endured after i was novice inside observing anime). If anyone have watched virtually any cartoons, you will probably discover that often the characters respond differently along with things throughout general (like properties, vehicles, eating etc. ) are usually bit different from everything you used to. Probably the actual most readily evident distinctions between Japanese computer animation in addition to others is the a muslim everywhere huge eyes (bigger in comparison with nose), brightly girl locks, some well-endowed character types as well as exaggerated emotional movement and also gestures are regular regarding anime. Being hand-drawn, cartoons is separated coming from actuality providing an best path intended for escapism directly into which followers can involve themselves having relative simplicity. The production of cartoons focusses less on the particular cartoon movement and considerably more on the realistic look involving settings like "The Yard of Words".

The particular beginning and credit sequences connected with most anime are combined with Japanese rock or take song which maybe related to the anime series, simply by popular bands. "Nanairo Namida" by Tomato n' Pinus radiata of anime "Beelzebub" along with "Just Awake" of cartoons "Hunter X Hunter" are a few of my favourite anime tunes, which you may try out.

Since there are several sorts of cartoons, one will need to classify these individuals with different genres, some associated with them are generally: Action, Audio, Mecha, Experience, Mystery, Bishounen, Yuri, Yaoi, Akuma, Seinen, Shoujo, Shounen, Kodomo, Piece of Existence and a lot of more. Whether you're the die-hard anime fan (like me generally labelled seeing that "otaku"), a casual watcher, the interested onlooker or perhaps commoner from non-anime website: cartoons genres shall supply you actually with some simple knowledge which help you in order to venture the cartoons planet with ease and joy.

I am going to be able to share some remarkable rates of anime which will etch my heart usually are:

• Motoko Kusanagi regarding "Ghost in the Shell a couple of: Innocence"

"We weep to get blood of a pet although not for the our blood of a species of fish. Endowed are those with any tone. "

• Shinchi Akiyama of "Liar Game"

"People SHOULD be doubted. Many people get me wrong this specific concept. Doubting people is simply a part of getting for you to know them. Just what quite a few people call "trust" is absolutely just giving up about wanting to understand others in addition to that extremely act is definitely far more serious than questioning. It is actually 'apathy'. "

• Hachiman Hikigaya of "My Teen Passionate Comedy SNAFU"

"If simple truth is cruel

Then

Lie needs to be kind

Then

Kindness need to be lie"

You can observe anime with T. /. by opting-in to Animax, Aniplus, AnimeCental, TV Tokyo or online on internet sites like animehaven. to help, kissanime, Funimation. com, Netflix, Crunchyroll. com, hulu, Vimeo and so forth.

ENJOY WATCHING CARTOONS!

[clarafell]

✎

10 headcanons :    Accepting!

↳  @fiorescenced​ (ready for the super late but super happy post?)

One:       In the IB verse where nothing bad ever happens to anyone, Homura is left alone after finding the fake rose that belonged to Mary. Left all alone with the paintings, the painting of Mary is replaced by a painting of Homura. A weak looking girl with beautiful black hair and such beautiful purple eyes that have a deep sorrow in them. She is not smiling. Most visitors are often drawn to this painting because of how deep her sorrow is, triggering many visitors to leave in a teary-eyed state. Any children visiting the art gallery often ask why the girl is sad and often brushes off the painting, preferring to see the more brighter and happier paintings. As if responding to their rejections, it was as if the painting grew sadder and colder. She is surrounded by purple roses and in her hand is a yellow rose that adds contrast to the dark painting. A spark of light in the darkness or a diamond in the rough. But while the painting is critiqued about how there is always light in the darkest of days and how the tragedy is not always going to stay, the people of the real world have no idea what the true meaning of the painting is. One of the more infamous and emotional works, people will either respond to the painting or they will reject it by calling it too gloomy. Rumor has it that the painting gets darker and sadder over time. Some might say that the painting has been shown to change…

Two:       Each time that Mary visits the gallery, she might notice that the atmosphere is more strange. Chills will wrap around her real living flesh and eyes will follow her wherever she goes into the gallery. Whether the gallery is haunted or not, some say that the paintings seem to watch everyone and yet no one. The staff will jokingly remark that the gallery is haunted by the sad girl surrounded by purple roses. Jokingly, they say that she might be real and her ghost haunts the gallery. More reasons to avoid the creepy painting. Rumor has it that her painting has survived fires… But that can only be just a rumor, right?

Three:       Paintings and the sculptures seem to have changed. Some are same as ever, some are untouched expect with minor details being changed, and then there are new creations that appear as if they were always there in the first place. One of the more infamous and creepier are these child-sized dolls built with such beautiful detail. Life-like and everything, each of them wear different but monochrome colors. Some of their different colored hair is long or short or even styled. Some of them have hats and yet all of them seem to have piercing blue eyes, pale skin like the Painting of Homura. They look like normal children expect their body parts seem to resemble the body of an old-fashioned dolls. They each have their own names and their seemingly own personality per say. As a group of fifteen sculptures, they are titled as the Clara Dolls. Some say that the dolls relate back to the child painting, adding an air of morbid curiosity to the painting once more. On the pamphlets and on description of the big dolls, there is said to be fifteen dolls. The last doll, Ai, is missing from the collection and this has brought concern and confusion on guests. Some say that it was a typo on the gallery’s part, sure. But the doll is real and missing and this has added more to the haunted gallery theory, increasing the popularity of the gallery in general.

Four:       Due to the mysteries of the gallery, some teenagers had decided to break into the gallery during night to see if they can catch any evidence of the ghost girl or anything else that lurks in the gallery. One of them is determined to find the missing and fifteenth doll named Ai, wanting to see if the missing doll can be found or if it is even real. Some of them thinks it is funny to mess with the painting named Homura along with the Clara Dolls. Homura is known by many names. Some had bothered to ignore the creepy little girl’s name and description. After all, there is nothing interesting about her!

Five:       After the break-in, one of the teenagers goes missing. The Clara Dolls seem to be smiling more as if they know what happened to the missing teenager that tried to ruin the good-for-nothing painting. The gallery is closed for a few months, only to re-open later. If anyone dares to come into the Fabricated World, the world is a blend of the old Fabricated World and the new Fabricated World. The ruler of this fake world is the lonely and tired looking girl - she is surrounded by a field of red spider lilies and black birds with weird heads. This is her home now. She has lost her mind in the world, mocked by her dolls. They kick the mannequin head at her. While Homura has grown to like the blue dolls because they are at least nice to her, her own dolls will destroy the blue dolls to make stress out Homura. The one who really likes to destroy the blue dolls is Jealousy aka Yakimochi. Nonetheless, the world of Homura is a blend of the old world and her world. As time goes on, Homura begins to change and her once real rose begins to change into that of a fake rose as Homura begins to forget her old life as a living human. Whether she has her memories or not, her loneliness and her pain is always seen. Whether Mary comes back to her former home or not, she will find that things are very much different for probably the worse. For good or for worse, Homura will be there. Waiting for Mary to come back as she can only recall the very faint face of Mary. Can she remember her own name? This is her home. It has always been her home… Her family will never miss her, anyway. Weak and plagued with a heart disease with little to no social skills, the once human girl had been abandoned in the hospital her whole life really. She was too sick to transfer into her new middle school (which crushed her emotionally + mentally since she was happy to leave the hospital) and so she would never meet any new friends. On that fateful day, a nurse had decided to give the depressed child some fresh air and take her to the art gallery out of pity for the lonely girl. The poor nurse had no idea that she will never see the sick girl ever again. Nor that the nurse or anyone remembers Homura. If it helps, Homura doesn’t remember them either and therefore no hard feelings. As a creative person herself, she can be found drawing out her nightmares and her whole life away. She has a routine in the expanded world filled with trickery and magic and mystery. But she is always trying to repair the wounded blue dolls and she always tries to talk to the citizens of her world. Without any memories really to call her own anymore and the torment from her dolls + some other creations, Homura would often isolate herself. She is waiting for anyone to visit her home. Will anyone hear her pleas? Will that golden haired girl come back or was even she just a figment of Homura’s imagination? Sooner or later, Mary also fades from her mind completely and all she has left is just her fake purple rose and her name.

Six:       In the pmmm world where everyone totally doesn’t turn into witches and Homura finally gets to be happy… Things take a turn for the worse. Without knowing of Mary’s jealousy, Homura stumbles upon an upset Mary. When Mary becomes a witch, Homura is the first one to find her and watch her turn into a witch. It is also Homura who received the angry attacks from the transformed Mary. As Homura is the one who is attacked, Madoka is the one who rushes in to distract the jealous witch along with Mami. With how strong the witch is, Madoka and Mami end up using a lot of their magic. Madoka is killed suddenly by the witch herself and Homura is the one to kill off the witch with tears in her eyes and Madoka’s blood on her hands. Little does Mary know, Homura can relate to the jealousy and the pain of Mary because Homura too struggles to make such close bonds with others. Especially when Homura must reset the world over and over.

Seven:       Believe it or not, Homura almost thinks that Mami and Mary are somehow related to each other due to their striking blonde hair. (Homura wonders how Mami can be so seemingly perfect and cool  -  while Mary can be so energetic all the time and never tiring herself out! Oh, how the pain burns! Is she truly so stupid and so pathetic like dirt? Madoka seems to be so protective of Mary and also looks up to Mami so much. Oh, how they laugh and laugh and laugh… Homura wonders if the world is mocking her, reminding her that she does not fit into the group…) Despite being only a year older than Mary, Homura finds herself to be quite self-conscious around Mary at first. Just like Mami, it seems like Mary is also destined to be beautiful on both the inside and outside seemingly. Despite feeling even worse about herself when she is around Mary due to how bright and how energetic Mary is, Homura does get drawn close to Mary. When Madoka isn’t around, Mary also brings her joy too! She would help read to Mary, knowing how to read faster than Mary since books were her escape from reality just like how her dress-up dolls were formerly her only company before meeting Madoka and Mami. Despite liking to spend time with Madoka as much as she can, Homura shares her time with Madoka in order to let Mary have some time with Madoka too. (All in all, Homura is truly alone and tends to stay in the background. Madoka, Mary, Mami, Sayaka, Kyoko, and even Kyubey seem to be such a great group… At least they get along better and at least Mary isn’t as useless as Homura. If anyone deserved to have friends, Mary deserved them. Homura was okay with being alone and watching them all be happy. It was fine. Right?

Eight:       Despite helping Mary learn how to read better, Homura tends to stumble over her words and her reading voice has not a single trace of emotion like how storytellers should have. But Homura has a big collection of different books. Homura gives Mary a few art books that contain tips, history, and of course art pieces with colored pages. Homura also gives Mary a book on how to garden and folklore centered around nature. From books on the meanings of dreams, flowers, and stars - Homura was always pleased to see the look on Mary’s face. On each book was a handmade bookmark with aspiring artwork on each cover. One of them was a sketch of Mary with watercolor and falling yellow petals showering down over her. Among the falling petals were also blue and red and even a faint hint of purple. On the back of this homemade bookmark is the words: For Mary: please remember to keep smiling and never lose hope in your dreams. Homura tends to like giving gifts to Mary and also to maybe the other girls. But she tends to do it more in a secret manner, too scared that they might be disappointed these mystery gifts are from her. If they find out the gifts are from her, they will most likely not care about the gifts. Homura does not tell anyone that she has been giving each of them gifts once in a blue moon.

Nine:       When Mary becomes a witch, Homura is the first one to find her and watch her turn into a witch. It is also Homura who received the angry attacks from the transformed Mary. As Homura is the one who is attacked, Madoka is the one who rushes in to distract the jealous witch along with Mami. With how strong the witch is, Madoka and Mami end up using a lot of their magic. Madoka is killed suddenly by the witch herself and Homura is the one to kill off the witch with tears in her eyes and Madoka’s blood on her hands. Soon after Madoka is killed and the witch of Mary is slayed by Homura’s own hands, Homura would soon later take out Mami before Mami could kill her off in pure denial and shock. With the mixed blood of three dead girls, Homura would mourn the rest of her days until it is time to reset the timeline. The day that Walpurgisnacht arrives, Homura is leaving the shelter and stopped by the grieving Kaname family. Junko recognizes Homura as the sickly girl Madoka spoke of during dinner time and tells her to stay in the shelter, not wanting to lose another one. She already lost her daughter, how could she stand there and let another child perish? Unable to look the mother in the eye, Homura runs off to fight in the storm. She fails to win and resets the timeline, too weak after the mourning of all three girls. It is all of her fault. If it weren’t for the fact that she wanted to save them again in a new timeline, Homura would have allowed herself to waste away in her lonely home in order to punish herself. She was so, so, so stupid and their deaths were on her hands… She will make it right and fix things this time or so she thought.

Ten:       When all is said and done, Homura fails like always. So, when she is caught in the experiment of the Incubators - Mary is one of the magical girls dragged into the fake barrier. Instead of being alone, Mary seems to be living with Mami and also Bebe too in a happy little family. The Clara Dolls tend to interact with Mary a lot, making flower crowns for her and then also being quite creepy too. In the barrier and the overall fake city, Mary is trapped in a happy picturesque illusion. Some themes of the art gallery, such as the mannequin heads, can be seen in Homulilly’s world along with many of her own creations inspired by her own imagination or her own memories. Everything seems so perfect for Mary in Homulilly’s world. She never wanted it to end, it seems. But then the world begins to set aflame and the the true nature of the world is revealed. After the fight is done and over with, Mary returns to the isolation field with the others to witness the beautiful sight of the Law of Cycles descending to whisk Homura away to paradise. Right before the very eyes of Mary, betrayal blossoms and intense colors begin to lash out as the Law of Cycles is torn apart. The ending of this story is also the beginning. The betrayal and the very last option from Homura gives birth to a whole new world. This new world and this new universe is at the command of Homura. In order to fulfill her promises, she creates a better world where you can be alive. Not a goddess or a painting or dead or a witch. In this world born from seemingly betrayal, everything is better. The world can spin again and the seasons can change and people can grow instead of constantly living in loops. As the self-proclaimed devil of the universe, Homura knows everything including Mary’s little secret. But Homura keeps her lips tightly sealed with a knowing glint her those tired, damaged eyes. It would be rude to ruin the peace, right? Homura will not tell a soul. After all, she has a universe to handle right now and this time - there will be no more trouble. No more deaths. Or so she tries to tell herself as she looks up at the equally damaged moon on lonely night.

[visionarylee]

Raised by Broken Women

It’s a topic that we rarely, if ever, discuss; Broken souls having children only for those children to be shattered souls themselves. Because I know that millions experience this, I want to share my story in order to save a life or even change one. If that means my story goes public, well I hope something good comes from it.

My mother comes from a neglected, unloving home where her father was in and out of the home, and her mother saw her as a stain on a pearly white wall. She didn’t grow up surrounded by love. Embraced. Held. She would tell me stories as I aged about her life and my grandmother, the grandmother I saw as an angel that guarded me from the darkness that was my mother. Her conclusion was that my grandma was a broken woman herself-shattered by not only the times she lived in, but by her husband, a man who was in and out of the house leaving her with six children to raise alone only to have another child by a different woman. This love child would become friends with her siblings without her identity being known until it was...well...known.

There are many things I can mention about my mother’s life. The one that stands out the most is that my mother is an addict; sober, but what stands out from that is that it was her younger sister who was her “drug dealer”. Ironically, her sister gloats about being the favorite of my grandmother. I know this because she did. If you ask, she will tell you she had a great childhood. Not so much for the other five.

My mother, the shattered woman she was, decided she wanted a daughter. My father wanted nothing to do with me so she left him and married a man, having his child when I was four. I was young; therefore, I can only remember so much of the good, but the bad, it sticks with me like a repetitive nightmare that shakes you out of your sleep.

When I was in the second grade, my mother rushed into the after-school daycare to pick me up then to my grandparents' house. I’m sitting on the couch, my mom in the chair, my grandparents in the kitchen. Silence. Not even the ticking of a clock. That’s until the phone rings. My mother looks up, eyes distraught as she gazed at her father. He answers, listens, and then looks to her, and I can’t remember his exact words, but I remember the shrieks that escaped my mother’s mouth. The cries. I watched as if she was crumbling into a ball of nothing. My step-father had just shot himself and later died.

That’s when the devil himself intertwined with our lives. My mother was already a shattering piece of glass, but this time, she was just...shattered. Her addiction started, she slept for most of my childhood, which I recently discovered her addiction was Ativan and cocaine, the cocaine coming from her younger sister. The same home she grew up in was now my home, and now she was able to snap her finger, and in mere minutes, I was her.

Neglected, unloved, unbearable, I was now a speck of dirt on a new pair of shoes to her yet she treated my brother like a king and honestly, I’m thankful for that because in my eyes, my brother is royalty. However, with me she crippled me into a sheltered, antisocial, reserved being who just closeted her emotions and resentment. We lived in an emotionless, noiseless home except for the occasional running faucet and laughter coming from our television sets. There were no hugs, no speaking about emotions, rarely any “I love yous”. It was no home. Just a house.

As I grew older, my grandmother would try to tell me something was wrong with my mother. Well, obviously, but I’m a child. How was I supposed to know? What was I supposed to do? I remember my mom walking around our house in a daze as if in a dream with a cigarette in hand. I would try getting her attention, shouting, cussing at her, screaming. Nothing, but that daze of hers. She would finally stumble out of my room, and when she was in her right mind, she would initiate arguments with me as if she fed on them. As if she fed on my misery.

From morning to bedtime, she was asleep on the seemingly comfortable sofa in our living room.  I put myself on the bus every morning making sure to lock the door. Tried to keep my unkempt hair tidy as best as a child could. Food? She rarely cooked so we had the choice of cereal, cans of ravioli and spaghetti, or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, which I am eternally grateful for. We had the basics: a roof over our heads, hand-me-down clothes, for the most part electricity and running water. See, my mom would get social security checks in the name of her son due to the loss of his father. We lived off a measly $1000 a month. She would go years without working. How could we survive on just $1000 a month? We couldn’t.

Eight grade comes around. My mother used to pawn off my electronics without asking-even stole money in my older years-so this time she asked and promised me a dog. I was ecstatic! I told her pawn whatever! Soon we went to adopt the being that would alter my life; change its course. A rat terrier I named Casey. A small, 2-month-old baby, and for the first time, I felt loved. I felt wanted. I felt needed. I was finally shown that maybe I mattered. Someone thinks I matter.

I’m finally 18, It’s prom time. I remember thinking maybe this time my mother will be involved in my life. She’ll take me shopping, buy me shoes, do the whole deal, but I should’ve known that the past repeats itself. She only came to one of my basketball games in middle school. Perhaps two. My teacher offered to pay for my basketball pictures because she caught me in the hall crying. My mom decided she didn’t want to miss out on her Ativan, a Bud Light, and sleep the day away. Those were more of a priority. Thankfully my aunt, who I didn’t have to ask, prepared me for two proms. Took me shopping, did my makeup, did my hair. When she told me to take a look in the mirror, I was breathless. This wasn’t me. It couldn’t be me. No unkempt hair, no baggy clothes, no old shoes. I felt like a princess on her way to a ball as cliché as that sounds. I felt beautiful. Confident for the first time.

Before I was off to college, my mother decided to go to rehab-the same facility her brother used. I was happy for my brother’s sake as he was too young to know who and what she was, but my childhood was over. I’m off to college. It was simply too late for me to forgive her.

I became physically sick my sophomore year. It was suggested that I return home for the semester, but I chose to bear the pain than to return to the narcissist who was my mother. Her addiction was gone, but her treatment of me with a city in between us was no different. My mental health was starting to decline because the chronic pain was something a school clinic wasn’t equipped to handle, and I had no insurance. My mother never put me on her insurance when she worked so throughout college I had to endure this mysterious, chronic pain. Eventually I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety and fibromyalgia. My grades slipped, the pain increased. I would miss a month worth of classes. Rather that than return home to my trigger-my mother.

I managed to graduate college somehow, and now I was in the real world. I was sick, no doctor could help me, I couldn’t hold a job, I crashed my car twice within a year. There were times when I just wanted to die. I prayed for God to end my life, but Baby Casey. Who would take care of him like I did? Anytime suicide popped into my mind, I remembered Casey needed me, and that was enough for me to go on for another day.

But the worst had finally debuted. May I add on time. I knew Casey was sick for years. He had a bad heart and was getting sick and sicker by the months. The love of my life, my guardian angel. He didn’t have much time. I was on vacation for the week when my brother texts me that something was wrong with Casey. I come home, and he looks awful, bloated, but he had always looked like this if his body had too much fluid in it. I gave him his daily medicine, thinking I’ve seen this a hundred times. He’s fine...The next day what I thought were seizures were not seizures. Cardiac arrest. He died. It took weeks for me to comprehend that he was really gone. I would come home and shout for him, be at work thinking I needed to hurry home to walk him only to remember...

I fell into the deepest depression that I had experienced. As I type this, I’m still experiencing it. Since December I feel no emotion. No happiness, no sadness, no motivation, no anger. Nothing. I knew I needed help, and I went to my mother. What a mistake. She couldn’t have cared any less, calling me miserable, depressing, and pathetic yet there were times she’d texted or called me crying about a man breaking her heart. Once I had to leave work and take an extended lunch break because she was so distraught on the phone and indubitably intoxicated. I left my job to comfort her over a man. She’s in tears, stating she wanted to call her drug dealer. I stayed with her for an hour to calm her down. I even took her to Miami to get her mind off of him and my brother, who needed a car and was depending on my mother for that.

Time passes, and I lose my job. I’m about to lose my car, my apartment, my belongings. I’ve already lost my mind. To protect myself from her as I am in this bottomless pit that has no exit sign, I isolated myself. What does my mother do? What a broken woman who despises her daughter would do. She leaves voicemails saying if I starve myself to death or hurt myself, she’d be sad for a little while, but REMEMBER, “it’s not my fault. You’re an adult. You make your own decisions. You're not going to kill me!" I hadn’t talked to her in weeks, and she knowing how fragile my mental state was says this. She goes on to say she never wanted to live with me, but since I don’t have a job “I GUESS you can come live with me.” She rescinded the invite.

That is my mother. The mother who purposely harms me. The mother who compulsively lies to the family about me, who then turns around and degrades me. For example, I visited my grandma, who lives with my aunt and her children, to ask for assistance. My 23-year-old cousin verbally attacks me calling me pathetic, looking down at me as if I was some stranger begging for change. As if she is not in nursing school, although lacks compassion for the career. I could see the emptiness in her eyes as she persistently attacked me even after I apologized. Just pure boredom. As if she herself didn’t ask her parents for help when she moved in with them with a man and child. As if she didn’t turn a blind eye when her brother borrowed $500 from our grandmother with no intention of paying her back as he continues traveling. This is the grandma who is my pillar. The damage my mother has done is irreversible. This is the woman who gave birth to me.

She is a woman with no remorse. No empathy. Shows no kindness to me. There have been no apologies. Ever. Even while I was reaching out for help, she blocked me from communication unconcerned about my well-being. She reserves that for my brother, who is delighted to be her favorite yet considers him dangerous and threatening afraid to sleep with her door open if he is present. This is why I can longer be anywhere near the shattered woman who gave birth to the shattered girl.

It is a never-ending cycle in some families. Broken people growing up in neglected, unloving homes only to have children and replicate that same environment, picking their favorites as they build and decorate.

Although I thought it was too late for me, I take any opportunity I can get to heal. I jog, I write to producers, literary agents, and submit profiles to talent agents. I promote my screenplays, I continue to write, read and watch films when my depression doesn't hinder my concentration or my anxiety doesn't send me into heart attack mode. I am posting this with the hope that others will read this and not only end this horrendous cycle but heal themselves. Isolate yourself if you must. If you can relate to this even just a little, I want you to know that you are not alone.

Broken people give birth to broken children, and it’s time to end it.

Written by Lee

[disneydreamlights]

Alright, so I'd like to know about Sera (2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 15, 18, 20, 22, 25), Stella (2, 6, 7, 9, 10, 15, 16, 17, 18, 24, 25), Kat (1, 4, 8, 9, 13, 14, 16, 23, 25), Nina (4, 6, 8, 9, 13, 15, 18, 20, 23, 24, 25), and Terra (1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, 13, 16, 20, 22, 25) cuz wainot. owo

So many questions Dustin whai? XD

Sera:

2: their smile

Sera’s smile is very similar to her sister’s but honestly a little bit more reserved. She tries not to be so reserved in it, but she doesn’t quite have the same willingness to share all her emotions.

3: their greatest achievement

So I’ve mentioned a lot of times how she’s really disappointed she can’t really wield a Keyblade because of the injuries she sustained with the darkness. The longer I’ve been thinking on this, the more I think her injuries are a lot more severe than just that and she probably had to go through some serious recovery, and to me I think there would be no greater achievement to her then starting to dance and being able to prove she’s physically fit to do things, even if it’s too late to learn how to wield a Keyblade.

5: their shortcomings

Her self confidence is always constantly in doubt, sure she acts super strong, but because she can’t be a Keyblade Master like her sister she honestly believes she’ll never be as good as her. This doubt and inferiority actually leads to her having a darkness issue too, one that she tries to ignore.

8: what they like to eat

Sugar, sugar, and more sugar, her sweet tooth is absolutely awful, as in it’s worse than mine.

13: their embarrassing memory from years ago

...Okay listen I’m not saying Sera actually got drunk before any of the rps but there was one time where Sera accidentally drank some alcohol while she was fifteen and remembering any of the time she was drunk and Sky had to watch over her like a two year old the entire time to keep herself from hurting herself.

15: how they react to a brainfreeze

She literally ignores it and keeps eating, this girl is crazy with her ice cream but if she gets a brain freeze she’ll like wince and keep eating and what the fuck Sera how???

18: how they sleep

Curled into a ball, hugging a small plush toy her sister bought her right before leaving to start for Keyblade training. She’s long since outgrown the toy, she shouldn’t keep hugging the small doll, but she does anyways just because she loves it so much.

20: their reaction to a mystery love letter

Honestly Sera’s really pretty and a famous dancer, she’s very used to receiving love letters and the stuff, so she doesn’t really give it a second glance unless she recognized the handwriting.

22: what they're like on two hours of sleep

Sleep drunk. She gets silly and loopy. She also loses all sense of balance so dancing becomes a pain in the ass for her to do. XD

25: why you enjoy them

I love Sera because she’s one of the most challenging to get a grip on, but she’s also incredibly good for interaction and I can’t say I’ve had a bad performance with her so long as she interacts with a few different characters. So I guess she’s my go to when I want an easy oc.

Stella:

2: their smile

She gives a lot of small, hesitant smiles. It’s not that Stella doesn’t like giving big smiles, she’s just had a pretty rough life, and that makes it fairly difficult for her to be willing to give bigger smiles.

6: how they deal with grief

Ahahahahahahahaha. One time Dustin and I were bored (and yes Dustin I know I’m answering for you shut up) and we did a PMRP.

Stella went off the rails and tried to take over the world with her primary motivation being that she lost a very good friend. (This rp was actually why I made Stella.) To say she is bad with grief is a very, very large understatement.

7: how they like to dress

Stella would wear a dress every day if they weren’t so much pains to clean. But since they are she just tries to do her best to stay stylish and look cute whenever she can. She wears a lot of long sleeves or some reason.

10: their fashion sense

I uh...Stella has real good fashion sense, just not good color theory. It’s part of the reason why she tries to stick with dresses or jeans since they go with anything, otherwise she’s real bad at picking matching colors.

15: how they react to a brainfreeze

Stella actually avoids ice creams and smoothies and stuff to avoid brain freeze, that’s how much she hates dealing with it. Poor thing.

16: their dreams

Stella wishes to live in a world where people don’t get hurt, and where she could avoid having to hide what she is from people without worrying about them freaking out and being like “Shit what the fuck a robot? AHHHHHHHH” Too bad that won’t be happening for a while.

17: their ambitions

To escape to safety. Stella’s backstory is she’s an android who developed emotions and therefore was considered a threat when she reacted incorrectly to the people who made her who attempted to reprogram her. She just wants to avoid being reprogrammed for the most part and live in hiding safely for the rest of her life.

18: how they sleep

While she’ll sleep in a bed to preserve her own safety (typically on her stomach) Stella actually prefers sleeping in chairs. They’re easier to get out of and she can react quickly to anybody who might try to hurt her and get out of the area.

24: what motivates them

She’s motivated by two things. Love for the people who make all the difference to her, and fear of being found by the people who want to reprogram or deactivate her. Both are equally important to her.

25: why you enjoy them

Stella is a lot of fun to rp, her cheerful disposition that hides a lot of anger and hate and fear is one of the more complex characters I’ve actually rped, and that in turn makes her a lot of fun to write, not to mention her moral ambiguity is also pretty fun.

Kat:

1: their voice

Kat is very soft spoken, she doesn’t have the loudest voice and it is possible to miss some of the things she says. Honestly I’m bad at describing voices.

4: their insecurities

Anything related to her family and the fact that they’re all heroes or accomplished such a major thing, like holy crap the idea that she might fail to be as good as them is honestly so horrifying to her that it makes her not try because she’s not like them.

8: what they like to eat

Anything made by her grandpa, he’s probably the best cook she’s ever had the pleasure of meeting.

13: their embarrassing memory from years ago

So a fun fact of the day. Since most of her siblings with Kat was little had her mother’s lavender hair, Kat really wanted lavender hair, so she bought some hair dye with money she snuck out of her mom’s purse and then proceeded to dye her hair purple, but because she didn’t bleach the hair first and she died her own hair at like age nine, it looked like a disaster and her face was colored in the purple dyes for like two weeks. None of her siblings ever let her live it down.

14: how they react to burning their tongue on food

Kat will actually drop the food on the floor if it happens, don’t give her scalding hot food ever.

16: their dreams

Her dreams are really complicated. On one hand, Kat wants to be normal and nothing like her family, but really deep down, she dreams of being a hero, and it’s the fear of not being one that causes her anxieties and the belief that if she wasn’t one she’d let her family down. This causes a bunch of confusion for her tbh.

23: how they act when they're sick

Pffffft, drama queen. She acts like she’s dying, but I guess she got that from her mom. XD

25: why you enjoy them

Because Kat got good character interactions with a lot of the characters she talked to, and that was always pretty fun to do.

Nina:

4: their insecurities

Her intelligence is a big one. Nina is not the brightest apple in the bunch when it comes to anything with a lick of practicality, and as such she gets easily embarrassed by her own mistakes.

6: how they deal with grief

Nina panics, and panics, and panics, and it’s really quite good at trigger a depressive state in her tbh. The idea of somebody she loves dying will honestly make her want to die. So needless to say she is really, really bad at handling grief.

8: what they like to eat

If I were to give you one long list that said chocolate would you believe me?

13: their embarrassing memory from years ago

Honestly her entire life is one giant embarrassing memory. The worst was when she was learning to summon Vulll with her dad and somehow managed to use a Fire spell...I’m still not quite sure how it happened but she was covered in soot and managed to burn down a chair.

15: how they react to a brainfreeze

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!” “Nina it’s just a brainfreeze” “Niiiiiick I don’t care it’s a brain freeze it huuuuuuuurts.”

What a baby.

18: how they sleep

Nina sleeps best curled into people. I have it in my head that even when she got older she would sometimes sneak into her parent’s beds to sleep at night, and she loved having friends over who were chill with it since she liked to cuddle like that.

20: their reaction to a mystery love letter

She gets so excited and spends hours puzzling out who sent it, and even if she didn’t have feelings for them she’d probably agree to the date. Unfortunately for her, not a lot of people have feelings for her.

23: how they act when they're sick

She’s such a baby when sick oh my god. She won’t leave her blankets and acts like she’s dying literally the entire time. Nina you’re not dying stop being so dramatic a cold won’t kill you.

24: what motivates them

Nina is motivated entirely by her goals of helping others and becoming great. She’s a loving person and anybody she loves becomes another motivation for her to keep going no matter how bad it may get.

25: why you enjoy them

Honestly, Nina is fun. She’s not one of my best ocs, in fact writing wise, she’s probably one of the worst I’ve gotten the chance to use, but who even cares because she’s just fun. Does she have a serious backstory? Nope, I don’t even know most of it myself beyond the necessary events, but I also don’t care.

Terra:

1: their voice

Deeper voice, very loud. She has a surprisingly overbearing presence.

2: their smile

Terra gives out toothy smiles, a lot of the time after she’s just finished laughing especially. They’re honestly big, but not like the best smiles ever I guess.

4: their insecurities

Terra’s biggest insecurity is her fear of failure, but in a different sense than her sisters. Where as Kat is so afraid of failure she doesn’t try, Terra’s so afraid of failure she works doubly hard at whatever the goal may be.

5: their shortcomings

Terra’s shortcomings come a lot from being too determined to keep track of one goal. In all honesty in SS if it wasn’t for Matt, Clary, and Kenshi all working with Terra, she might’ve been ten times more obsessed with figuring out how to bring back Nicole. And I mean...she was already pretty bad with that in the rp itself.

7: how they like to dress

For lack of a better descriptor, think of the most stereotypical adventurer’s clothing you can think of. Now put it in a pastel shade of blue or purple.

That’s how Terra’s style works. Dammit Terra. .-.

8: what they like to eat

Terra shares her sister’s love of their grandpa’s cooking...and also sour candies. She lives on those things tbh.

13: their embarrassing memory from years ago

Once upon a time Terra met Clary. This resulted in baby Terra flocking to her cousin and acting like a cat for a whole twenty minutes.

She may have been only like two and being silly, but her parents have never let her live this down.

16: their dreams

To bring her grandmother back to life and be a Storm wizard worthy of following in her footsteps.

20: their reaction to a mystery love letter

I’m really leaning towards making Terra ace/aro tbh, so in all honesty she just really doesn’t care much about this love letter that she gets.

22: what they're like on two hours of sleep

Not functioning. She literally will not function until she manages to get her hands on something caffeinated while running on that little amount of sleep.

25: why you enjoy them

She may be trash for trash’s sake, but I think that’s part of the reason why I like her, because she’s me acknowledging full out that yes I am and want to be trash, which is also kinda dumb, but meh.

I also like some of the stuff I came up with involving her being an older sister after I made Kat but shhhh.

[ereri-fanfics]

Fic List #4

Make Your Mark by wasterella

Status: Completed

Words: 5,736

Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Soulmates, Making Out, Levi is in love and hates it, Eren just wants to find his soulmate, very brief mentions of self-harm (burning - not depicted)

Having a soulmate sucks the big one, especially when you specifically don't want one.

Which Levi didn't. At all. Not even a little.

Especially not Eren Jaeger. Nope. Definitely not Eren Jaeger. That was just stupid.

Good Enough To Eat by wasterella

Status: Ongoing

Words: 262,179

Chapters: 25/26

Last Updated: 2017-05-20

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Violence, Murder, Attempted Murder, writer!levi, Disturbing Themes, Mostly related to Levi's writing, Mentions of cannibalism but not depicted (again Levi's writing), Mind Control, Supernatural - Freeform, Magic, Blood, I am probably missing tags but if you have concerns please ask...

There are two things to be known about living in Shiganshina: there’s no such thing as privacy, and gossip never dies.

Eren Jaeger has lived in the same small town his entire life, and has always known this to be true. He’d never felt different, and had always believed that nothing exciting would ever happen, and every day would continue to be exactly the same as always.

At least, he used to, until the arrival of a mysterious man. A newcomer who seems to have an interest in the Jaeger family, and keeps his secrets close. A man who never answers questions, and has a dark history that spells trouble.

As demons from the past come racing to the present, Eren finds himself drawn into an inexplicable web of myths and deceit, protected by the one person he’s positive he shouldn’t trust.

Hey Lover by wasterella

Status: Completed

Words: 228,766

Chapters: 32/32

Fed up with being teased for not having a girlfriend, Eren joins a site that gives the perception of being taken. Little does he know that the sassy and crass girlfriend he asked for isn't exactly what he had in mind.

The Difference Between You and Me by Shado_on_nanoko

Status: Ongoing

Words: 60,505

Chapters: 31/?

Last Updated: 2017-05-14

Rating: Teen And Up

Tags: Homophobia, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, I'm Bad At Tagging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, potential smut in later chapters, Boys In Love, Eren is a titan, Titan-Haired Eren Yeager, Titan Eren Yeager, Swearing, cuz of Levi, OOC-ness, I Don't Even Know, flipped a coin, top!Eren, but also Top!Levi, they switch, slooooooooow af, you'll hate me for the deaths, Please Don't Kill Me

Eren has always been a titan, a titan that can shift into a human. With a dream to stand side by side with humans and the sudden opportunity of a short human showing up at his home, what will he do? Will he surrender to his titan instincts, or will he follow his human heart?

Through The Curtain by Lady_Bluebird

Status: Ongoing

Words: 35,667

Chapters: 8/?

Last Updated: 2017-05-11

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Grisha is actually a good dad, Dead Carla, Slow Build, Levi Is Bad At Feelings, Eren is a brat, but he's Levi's brat, Alternate Universe - Dreams, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, plot heavy, Fluff and Angst, Dominant Eren Yeager, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), sick!Eren, Fatal familial insomnia

Nineteen year-old Eren Jaeger, recently diagnosed with fatal familial insomnia, is desperate for a cure to save him - as well as to spare his sister, Mikasa, and father, Grisha, from losing a family member. One night, wandering through the city, Eren finds three things that just might provide his remedy: A gateway, the world behind it, and a (literally) living dream named Levi.

A Million Kisses by MakoHarumakesmesin

Status: Completed

Words: 28,599

Chapters: 12/12

Tags: Death, Minor Character Death, Trauma, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Has PTSD, Torture, Blood, Fear, Triggers, Panic Attacks, Mikasa is levis' niece, Mai is the name of Mikasas mother, Fluff, Smut, Masturbating, Eren comforts Levi a lot, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, Slow Burn, mention of sexual abuse, Amputee Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), College Student Eren Yeager, levi is a virgin, thats not really relevant, but his uncertainty is still cute, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Top Eren Yeager

Levi had survived. He was the only one of his squad that was able to return home to the family that he barely knows. The war in Afghanistan has taken a toll on his body and mind, which explains why Levi wished he also hadn't returned. Everyone that he knew has either died or moved on from their friendship with Levi since he joined the army several years ago. He feels damaged and broken as he sits in his wheelchair in his new room. Somehow this all changes when Mikasa, his niece, brings home a bright-eyed brunet named Eren to study with. Eren helps Levi with his nightmares at night when he wakes up screaming again and the warm tea that Eren provides Levi with after another rough night is the first thing the raven falls in love with.

Timeless by Tamithna

Status: Ongoing

Words: 14,039

Chapters: 5/?

Last Updated: 2017-04-25

Rating: Teen And Up

Tags: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Fluff, Post-Canon, Rating May Change, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, ererisecretsanta2015, some spoilers if you don't read the manga, Older Eren Yeager, Alternate Universe - High School

2000 years after the Final Battle, a crystallized Eren is woken up by a reincarnated Levi.

This Is The Day by IttyBittyTeapot (LittleSeedofDarkness)

Status: Ongoing

Words: 41,565

Chapters: 7/?

Last Updated: 2017-05-18

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bartender Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), College Student Eren Yeager, Smut, Fluff, Switching, First Time, Falling In Love, Hand Jobs, Frottage, non-binary hanji, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Porn with Feelings, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs

Eren is a struggling and mildly depressed student. His friends have left for college and he has trouble getting by, but when he decides to escape his shitty apartment and go for a walk one night, he stumbles onto a nearby bar and meets the man who will change his life.

Loosing by Cleaning_Ravioli

Status: Ongoing

Words: 10,990

Chapters: 8/?

Last Updated: 2017-05-16

Rating: Teen And Up

Tags: Cheesy Summaries, Un-Creative Titles, Non-Binary Hange Zoë, Alternate Universe - Basketball

Eren is a member of the elite basketball team, The Titans, and they have yet to loose a game they've played. However, upon facing The Survey Corps, the team makes their first loss to the opposing school, and Eren looses something else entirely; his heart to the Point Guard of team he is supposed to hate.