#being emotional. like genuinely i am so sorry to my friends i am so much to deal with and i know it's probably too much.

[sweetsweetbumblebee]

unrelated but i DO kinda feel guilty for my little crush for reasons i will not explain. but. yeah its wild over here tonight

[kimsuyeon]

shocking how i am how i am

[ilovettrpgs]

i just realized that everything I ever have done and ever will do is because of the love I have for my friends and the fact that I want to ensure I can always find a way to make them happy because to me them being happy is all that matters when they are everything that my world matters and revolves around. There will never be anything more important to me than them because I love them like they're my own family, and I want to live and die for them

[deesseshesca]

PAC :What will his friend think of you ?

(SINGLE SINCE BIRTH - ERA ~5 )

No ... because I actually want to crash out !

PILE 1

Page swords (reverse), 5 swords, magician, 2 pentacles 

His friend is going to think of y’all as an old couple. Y’all would be the dad and mom of the group. Don’t be surprised but you will often have a third wheel between y’all. I also get a feeling that this is going to be an union between the dad and the mom of each respective group. Y’all may both be the oldest sibling in y’all respective household since you are unfazed by the people surrounding you constantly. If you need to bicker which you will, it will look like two old heads going at it. Y’all know the Bambi and Druski dynamic that’s exactly y’all. You guys have so many inside jokes. You guys are only this comfortable around each other. Both, you and him have past situationship/relationships … Yet it was the first time for his friend group to see him so comfortable in public. You guys may walk around in matching pjs, which he would never have done on his own not because he found it cringy but because of some kind of social anxiety. Also social anxiety stops him from being his authentic self way too often. So to see him express emotion, be talkative and affectionate with you is actually going to warm the heart of his bros. Little do they know how comfortable he makes you feel 2. To add on that, you are a safe place for his inner child. Not holding him to the high standard which he was born in because of his role as the oldest sibling. Y’all also act like you both can’t stand each other. Bickering and all while cuddling … lol. I see his friend looking around … like : ``Are these guys serious rn?``.You guys are very vulnerable with each other and you both put a lot of effort in this relationship. Your person would never expose y’all problem in the daylight but they are not ashamed to say : `` Damm y’all wish I could stay but little mama is on her period.``, ``Shit we argued yesterday, we are cool but I need to go check on her if everything is good frl frl`` or even `` Sorry for the bad play gang, my lady is mad at me … I am scared she will block me …``.They see the effort on your part 2, coming to his games, making his lunch box, walking around with his fav snack, playing with his hair and hugging him.  They really feel like you are wifey material, which is great because one of your goals in life in all seriousness is to be a MILF . They also know you are here to stay. 

PREVIOUS READING

PILE 2

3 swords, King wands (reverse), Magician (reverse), Knight wands (reverse) 

You and your future person will take a break. No worries there no fuck up. I think this person got really scared of how deep the relationship was going and they respect and love you too much to hurt you. So they just sit you down and express their real feelings and you welcome them with no fight, letting them go. You work on yourself in the meantime. Did a lot of journaling and work on your standard & self concept. One day you will post and they will catch on after spending weeks off socials and they will run back with so much excitement. Not in the way, like : `` Damm nobody can have her but me …`` . Nah this person genuinely enjoys the chase. So they come as an evolved person. Knowing that you may be cuff or you just don't want them but they don't care because it was always supposed to be you. While all this is happening their friends are watching on the side lines. His friend will often remind him of the mistake he made by letting you go. Not in some sneaky way (me:believe me, you would be surprised how many of the friends of my situation were in my DM) but more on some real shit. They saw the happiness, joy and love that was pouring from y’all connection like sweet honey. They will probably help him get you back. Some will literally set up a christmas carol to get you back. Anyways regarding any specific thought… they think you are high maintenance. You are clingy and very sensitive. Like it matters to you the tone that he uses, the words that he uses or even the way he touches or even looks at you. You are quite an emotional woman. Is very easy for you to cry. They also think you are high maintenance, they saw their boy pay for your nails and hair more than once. They know damm well that when y’all become official, he’s going to pay for the trip and your shopping spree because of all that they will never hit on you because in their books, you are too demanding as a gf. 

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PILE 3

8 wands, King wands (reverse), 7 wands, Sun (reverse)  

Most of y’all reading this have a sagittarius rising. Since that came strong I decided to do my little search. Most of y’all may have a sleeper build (quite literally using their slang) or have a plus size/very curvy pear body. You know the body Doja Cat had. When she was way curvier, where she was very heavy down but less up. Also you may have big animated eyes like the character that Tim Burton wrote about. Is almost mystical. Y’all may play a sport, maybe cheer or volley. Some are runners whatever it is you are an athletic babe. Maybe you even play a more masculine sport like baseball or handball. You also have a specific feature in your face aside from your eyes that big, could be your lips or even ears. One last thing … you are a tall gyal. Minimum : 5’7,8 to even 6ft. All this to say is that your looks strike them. They also think you are a cool girl because they saw you do the first move with your future person. You were quite straightforward in what you wanted with them. They also think you are chill because even tho you have not played a boy sport, you are passionate about it so it is easy to build a connection with you. Since you share the same hobbies. You may be sharing the same soul tribe. Meaning there's a high chance that you and this person are friends rn.Y’all are just part of a big friend group which would make you sincere on the ease in which you connect with his friends. Since y’all are all friends ! I think your bff dont want y’all to be together because she knows how much you want a serious relationship and y’all know how much of a womanizer he is. How much he is afraid of commitment. I think you know why because y’all are quite close. Something to do with a father's wound. Unlike the other women, he allows you to see the boys hiding behind the mask but you don't know if he can hold up to a good relationship. Even tho he often voices that he will treat you verrrrrrrrry good. You know he can because the way he treats you is completely different (more gentle and loving) than the way he treats others. Like he treats you even better than the other girls in the group. Is giving everybody can see it  but y’all. Y’all both know  there's a tension and I think (looking at the cards) that you will be the first one making the move.

PREVIOUS READING

[koboldfactory]

Heya um please don't respond to this genuinely but like I'm doing real bad and i wanna know how transitioning went for you (im going nuts over this and uh you seem friendly sorry for disturbing you with a stupid ask sorry)

I can’t respond to anon asks privately and I can’t tell if you want me to respond or not so I guess lmk if you want me to delete this response or something, but please do not apologize this isn’t disturbing or annoying me. I’m happy to talk about my transitioning experience!

I’ve only been on hormones for a year so I’m not super far along but I’ll give some bullet points on how it’s gone.

- I wasn’t expecting to be able to start transitioning when I did. I experienced an incredible kindness from some friends of mine and was able to move across the country to an area it was much easier to get access to gender affirming care.

- emotional and body changes started becoming noticeable around 3 months in for me. It was here where my brain escaped a dissociative haze I had been in for over a decade and I started to actually feel real again.

- as my body changed slowly more and more I became more happy with my appearance and more confident in myself which lead to me being less of a miserable and quiet little pushover. Basically. Expect personality changes.

- where I am now a year later, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Despite the current political hysteria pointed at trans people, I’m finally actually feeling at home in my body and I’m surrounded by kind and supporting friends and found family.

- The only thing I regret is not transitioning sooner. I dawdled for months after first moving.

Hopefully any of this is helpful to you anon, or anyone for that matter.

[jewishgirlrevolt]

8x09 Thoughts. I'm done with Eddie Diaz

I tried to write about this episode previously.. and I am going to send a second note to ABC about some of what I will outline here.

So let's talk about the good first. As utterly predictable as the serial killer plot was, it was a WILD ride. JLH is an amazing talent and I am SO looking forward to her and Abigail Spencer playing more off one another next week.

Buck with the dog was so cute. Also excellent choice in dog. Props to K9 casting.

Now let's get to everything else. Sorry this got really long. Under the cut.

TLDR: Eddie Diaz is a jerk. I don't have any desire to root for him anymore, and I don't care what happens to him. Buck has his flaws, but I want to root for him and for BuckTommy to get back together.

Buck helping Eddie find a subletter was not Buck being bad or bratty. I think he was genuinely trying to help Eddie find someone suitable. But he was also dealing with a lot. He's still not over Tommy, and now he's dealing with his best friend leaving. So it's Buck not thinking through and brain to mouth connection short circuited.

Eddie, meanwhile, didn't even tell Buck he had found a serious option until after he had made a down payment. How is Buck not supposed to feel abandoned? If I were moving away, I would let my best friend know the situation long before this.

Ok, so Buck is told to leave, and he notices he doesn't have his keys, or phone, and overhears Eddie saying to a potential tenant that "He doesn't have any ties here." Which is Bullshit for 2 reasons. 1. It shows Eddie doesn't consider the 118 as anything more than coworkers (if they were friends he would have told them his plan earlier on so they could work out and help him while finding a replacement). And 2. TIA PEPA and his cousins LIVE IN LA! Continuity error or not, I don't know. I don't care. This post is already horrifically long.

Now during the fight, Eddie is super mad at Buck and honestly...had he had ONE normal conversation with Buck this all could have been avoided. Buck comes back to apologize after revealing the situation to the team, something Eddie should have done weeks ago. What Eddie does is shit on Buck. And it wasn't necessary. Now! I've had fights with friends, I've been frustrated on occasion with my best friend. But I would never in a million years even THINK to use their insecurities in a fight against them. That's cruel and while Buck didn't handle the situation in the best way, Eddie was way too hard on him. Cause again, Eddie could have resolved this with one conversation. And we know Buck would never be upset with Eddie for choosing Christopher. But I think Eddie knows deep down that he's making another impulsive and stupid decision. Wow Eddie really has one brain cell. And he's clearly projecting that insecurity on Buck. But it's not Buck's job to validate Eddie's half-assed ideas. I think it was @nephilimeq's amazing post that really hammered in the emotional maturity and avoidance Eddie so

What we see is Buck's biggest fear shown, the idea that people tolerate him/care about him as long as he is useful.

Because Buck has done so much for Eddie. He took care of Christopher and was there for both of them at the drop of a hat. And Eddie by comparison.. and I know friendships aren't always 50/50. But it feels like this friendship is like 95% Buck and 5% Eddie.

I think it was @nephilimeq's amazing post that really hammered in my problems with Eddie. It's that he hasn't matured emotionally and faced his emotions and actions. And that's why I am so done with Eddie. And why I fully support Buck getting back together with Tommy.

Now Buck has his flaws, there's stuff he could have handled better this episode and the narrative needs to have him grow, and of course get back together with Tommy, who sees him and loves him, flaws and all. And it is clear that Buck isn't just dealing with Eddie leaving, he's still not over the breakup. And pile both of these things together... he needs a hug. But Eddie was in fact a complete jerk about the whole thing. This episode for me also shows why not only is B*ddie not going canon, even if it did, it would not be a good relationship because I don't think Eddie knows how to have one.

I don't really care if Eddie comes back or not because Eddie's not a character I want to root for anymore. I hope he's able to repair his relationship with his son for Christopher's sake though.

[amethystheartsx]

Love Built with Frozen Hands.

Hey!!! in the middle of my health issues and family problems I finally managed to churn out this request. yippe! tho it was rushed i am sorry. This was requested by anon, I hope was up to whatever standard you held me on. hope you like it

contains: SFW, Mild Angst (hurt/comfort), non!mcreader. established relationship. Synopsis: au where Zayne is aware of the past lives he went through, remembers the pain of the toxic cycle Astra put him through, He victoriously breaks it this once in this timeline, to forge a path of happiness for him and mc in separate ways, and ends up falling for you. but sometimes, the ghost of the past comes to haunt you back by targeting what you built from scratch with such devotion

It is one thing to be unloved, and a whole nother thing to be loved half-heartedly.

The yearning to have someone who is supposed to be yours, pining after affection that should be promised to you, and craving the attention that should have never been taken away from you in the first place, it was all too cruel; the worst part? You can't even talk about it to anyone, at least not without sounding insecure....feeling insecure. How are you even supposed to talk about it? How do you tell people that your boyfriend pays just a bit more attention to her? Just a little more care than you like. 

are you listening to yourself, she have a terrible heart condition. he is her doctor

The word had rang in your ear one too many times, always making your head hang low in shame. Her doctor, her childhood friend, and the last of something she could hold on to as an anchor.

She had lost so much Caleb and her grandma; she had been through hell and back and still came out stronger than ever, and you couldn't even get over your jealousy?

Did zayne really deserve a partner like you? Or should he be with someone like her.

You did your best. Yes, you did, treating her with the respect she deserved, always keeping a polite demeanor, and never receiving her with a cold attitude. Endurance was a trait that felt like a curse to you but you managed for him, but you were only human.

Zayne had been gone for a whole day now. Mind you, it was one of his rare days off that you had planned to.use for some quality time, but before you could inform him, he informed you that he would be going out with her. Apparently, she had found a place that still sold his favorite Popsicle, one he thought was discontinued, and he looked so genuinely excited you did not have the heart to tell him your plan which was less thought full in comparison, because let's face it, she must have put some extra effort to find that place didn't she?.

If only you could have thought of something with deeper meaning like that, then maybe you would have been the reason behind the sparkle in his eyes.

—--

After throwing yourself a pity party, you decided to fall asleep and get over it. When Zayne did return he found the house quiet and dim which was unlikely, your not staying up till he came back never really happened before, he saunters to the room and sees you asleep, safe and sound in the bed as far as possible from his side as possible, but Jayne thought nothing of it because of course you could just be tired from the day or upset he got so late and slept early, he was sure things would be normal when the sun rises again...but of course, it didn't. They only changed for the worse.

Zayne may not be good with emotions, but actions, he knew very well. Since he was a doctor no little physical detail missed him. The way your kiss didn't linger, felt more like an obligation than an act of love. The way your smile didn't reach your eyes when you saw him return. How conversation got shorter and shorter with each passing day. He noticed how you wouldn't bend and twist your schedule to fit his. Trying to catch each and every available second he had amidst his grueling work hours. How you had started being focused on creating a space for your own, and as much Zayne loved seeing you do well for yourself and focus on yourself and having time for yourself, he wished to be at least a part of it somehow.

On evenings when you both just coexist in the living room doing your respective work, you would sometimes stop doing whatever you were doing just to stare at him with an adoring look till you get scolded by a flustered Zayne, and only then would you go back to work with a dreamy sigh. But now it was only just the endless sound of typing or pen scratching on papers. No jokes, no banters just sounds that turned mechanical after a while.

When it reached to the point zayne could no longer deny that things were not good between you and him, he started to panic.

Being the way he was he doesn't outright confront you but often tries to give you openings to talk about your feelings,

"Hey you have been quiet, is everything alright".

"Eye bags again? aren't you sleeping well?"

"Maybe we could do to cafe together and...talk"

Only to be shut down by you again and again.

Zayne wanted to give you space, respect your privacy but damn it he was going insane. Whenever mc will see him distressed and take him out he barely would have things to say to her and if he did it would be about if he was good enough to be a partner, was there something wrong with him was he just...unlovable?

And each time MC will try to help him, make him understand that it wasn't true, but there was so much she could do. She noticed how Zayne would leap to his phone when it chimed with a specific ringtone he had set for you, a glimmer of relief in his eyes every time he would read your text, no matter how mundane it was, or even short and dismissive. At least...they were some spared words from you.

Zayne came late after a long shift; he hated being used to the silent house again; he hated the lack of warmth in his sheets. The lack of the little sounds you made throughout the day. Whether it be the sound of you humming, talking and gossiping with a friend, your laugh, you working in the kitchen or just dumping weeks worth of information on him, he missed it all so terribly he could not help himself. Not tonight. He finds you on your side of the bed again, as far from his side as possible. He had just showered and changed, slipping in the covers and shifting close to you, lying so he had an arm on your waist, holding you while trying to respect the space you created as much as he had in his heart to take. With deep breaths, he speaks, mostly to lighten the load on his chest

"I- I don't where I have been wrong, but I wish to undo it, unlearn the behavior that had made you so out of my reach. Please yell at me, confront me with my wrong g doings, and hold me accountable...just-just don't shut me out, darling," he choked in a sob, taking a deep breath before closing his eyes and allowing his exhaustion to engulf him to his slumbers with a pained frown on his face. After all, the nightmares he had were nothing compared to suffering from your distance through the day.

Unbeknownst to him, you weren't asleep; you mostly never were. Hoping for something, anything from him, just like tonight. You were unable to move or say something back then but tears that slipped from your eyes reminded you of the beating heart in your chest that still ached for him. The night goes by in a blur; sleep has dripped away alongside those tears, and yet when the morning sun arrives, you keep your eyes closed and pretend to be asleep when he wakes up and shuffles around. Zayne shifts and lifts his weight on his elbow; you can feel his sharp gaze on you; knowing how keen his observation was, you were aware that he knew you were faking your slumber, a pretense to keep him away, to avoid a conversation that would turn to confrontation inevitably. With a heavy sigh, he gets up to prepare himself for yet another day.

You could hear him shower, brush and get dressed. Just when you expect to hear the click of the bedroom door closing behind him, the mattress dips under his weight as he sits next to your sleeping form, those sharp eyes on you once again; one cold hand cups your cheek, rubbing the skin under your eyes.

"I miss you, my love"

His words, though short and simple, carried the weight of his emotions he couldn't express and you almost almost gave in.almost reached back to him but something kept you bound, frozen in place. zayne leans down to kiss your forehead making your pulse quicken but before his lips could make contact with your skin, he pulls away.

zayne was no longer sure if you even wanted him to kiss you, had you had enough of it? Were you done with his kisses? done with him?.

These thoughts made his mind spur, tightening his chest with unbridled feelings he couldn't decipher. He had to get out before he did something uncharacteristically stupid, and so he did. leaving you behind with your own set of conflicting thoughts and whirlwind of emotions.

Why did he back away? Why didn't he kiss? did he finally let go of what little he was holding, after realizing it wasn't worth the hassle? that you weren't worth it?

The thoughts got so overbearing, and you had to remind yourself of the words he spoke last night, things he said that reflected what he wanted, and he wanted her to talk to him, explain what she was feeling, good or bad, and so she decided to do just that.

----

When Zayne was at work he texted you to let you know he would be home early, you noticed how he updated you frequently now about his day no matter how small and irrelevant the detail was he would let you know about it any chance he got. so on your way back you picked up some macaroons from a cafe that opened a few weeks ago, excitement bubbles in your chest to try it out with him. You also sent him a very quick text.

"I'll be home soon too, we need to talk"

Maybe it was because you were carrying too much in your hand, or trying to get away from the crowds of people. You failed to notice the tone of your text that had Zayne freaking out.

The words he never wanted to hear from you, bringing all his fears to life, once again being left alone, abandoned and forgotten.

To wither away without a cause, no one left to mourn the loss.

It was true his soul had loved another in multiple lives, a love fated to face the same demise.

Until he broke to toxic cycle that only hurt him and *her*. Endured and moved on from the pain to find someone he could love and be loved back without the suffering, or so he had thought.

He loved her, he truly did, but now he questioned himself: was it enough, enough to hold her back from flying away from his grasp? Or did he lose his final chance at happiness? She was the beacon of hope, the reward for passing his trials. He never knew loving could be easy, but now he knew that it was easy because you made it so; your selfless love and abundant Care were what made this relationship his safe heaven. If only he had realized that before being on the brink of losing that little beacon he held dearest than he thought.

----

As the storm brewed inside his heart his evol spirals out of control, by the sheer luck of his stars none other than MC was there, for her regular check-up that turned into a therapy session for both of them, she was there when he got the text, seeing her age-old friend who as always so collected and composed lose his mind.

She did what any other friend would do and took him home, trying to console him, but how does one console the man who was always the pillar for others to lean on? Mc stares as she sees him crumble.

This was the love they warned her about.

One way or another she managed to put him at rest. Tears formed in her own eyes to see him so miserable, and she rested her head on his shoulder, arms wrapped around in a gentle embrace; a familiar scent and touch calmed Zayne down. Her soft voice begged him not to give up like this and to fight for what he loved. It wasn't you as he wished but at least it was something.

"Am I interrupting something?" Their heads snapped to the direction of the entrance, where you stand,  a little box in your hand and some freckles of snow dusted on your hair. An adorable look tainted by the cold expression on your face.

"Darling I..." Zayne gets up as if MC suddenly stabbed him, his long strides eating up the distance. "It's not what it looked like," MC speaks before Zayne can feel the need to clear the air as quickly as possible; as a woman, she could sense the distrusting gaze you gave them.

"...right" you reply in a flat tone barely sparing a glance in her direction, your eyes fixed on him.

"I-I you wanted to talk to me," says Zayne, who had almost crashed into you, to hold you close against his chest before noticing your distant demeanor. Stepping away from him and walking last Mc you made your way to the kitchen

"Hmm I do" you place the box macaroons on the kitchen island and the pair Insta toy follows you there as well. "Oh-it's from the new cafe? These are really good? No, they are my favorite" he makes a desperate attempt for conversation that doesn't send him spiraling again.

"Have you tried it already? It just open not too long ago"

"Yes, me and MC, we-"

"Of course"

Your tone was a little too bitter when you snapped, a sharp glare in her direction. "Of course, you already tried it, both of you. Together. As always," you chuckled, but there was no humor in it.

Mc steps forward "No, no you get this wrong it was just a long day for Zayne and  I just-"

"Forgot that he has a girlfriend who also wishes to spend time with him?" You finish for her, making her pale. She opens her mouth to defend herself before Zayne steps in front of you, blocking your view. You look up to meet his unreadable eyes. "This is between us. No need to drag her in, it's me you are mad at., Not her," Zayne says, bringing your attention back to him.

"Not a part of this? Zayne the problem *Is* the fact she has been dragged in way too many times? The problem is the fact that there is a crowd. "You finally say the words after holding them in for so long.

"Listen I never meant to"

"I don't care what you meant too" you snap yet again, taking the other girl by surprise. You had never used this tone with her, not once.

"I- feel for you...MC, I want you to be happy. I want you to have the best, a prince, maybe someone famous, hell, even a mafia overlord if that's what you're into." Tears brim in your eyes as you speak. Would it be crazy to add that you wished for a miracle and have Caleb returned?

Just so he could sweep her off her feet and far away from *your man*.

"But can it not be my zayne"  the way your voice broke at the end made the other woman's face soften, the hurt, the pain and the fear of abandonment did not miss her. She was at loss for words opening and closing her mouth before zayne spoke up.

"You need to leave"

The words sank your heart into the deepest pits of despair, wordlessly you grab your bag with a shaky hand before it flies away before you can even hold it, you look up to Zayne who had taken the bag away "I didn't mean you, this is your home" his voice no matter how cool it was at the moment, his eyes made it clear he wanted her to stay. MC didn't want anything more than to leave anyway. She quickly grabbed her bag and aimed for the door. Her feet paused, and she once again turned halfway to face her and spoke, "I am sorry, I really am; I never meant to cause any trouble. He was never mine to even try and take." Before you could even process the words, she was gone.

The silence she left in her wake was deafening.

"Is that what you have been so distant? Because of her?" Zayne breaks the silence. You tried to turn away, but he held you right in your place. "No, you are done trying to get away from me." his assertive voice had an underlying tone that resembled a humble pleading. "There is so much a person can take, and I am at the brink of my own patience." He spoke, but you still pulled away and created distance. "It's not like I wanted to; it's just that's just...." You gulp, taking a deep breath; how dare he stand there questioning when he was the reason for the pain you felt? "You treat her the way I wished you'd treat *me*!"

Your statement made his eyes widen just a little for you to notice. Now that you had started it was time to let it all out, you didn't give him a chance to defend himself raising your voice a notch "you know how I feel like zayne? A place holder. Any moment she says the word and I'll be discarded and forgotten like I never existed for you and-and I know the technicalities alright, her primary physician her childhood friend I know, I know it all" the frustration made speaking a little difficult, heaving a shaky breath makes your voice breaks "but do you remember that in the middle of it all you are something of mine as well!?" Zayne knew words had an impact, but he wasn't aware they could make you bleed.

something of yours as well

His jaw fell slack that he had been clenching so hard. Zayne always felt greedy for defying fates to find you, take you and love you all on his own. Only now he realized he had gotten too greedy, for wanting to keep you and Her in the same boat.

You open your mouth but was silenced by his fingers on your lip, “i apologise if that's how i made you feel, if i gave you the reason to doubt my intentions and sincerity, i take accountability for the fact you felt unloved by me” even if his voice was calm as ever but the shaky breaths he took in the middle of the sentences gave him away.

He knew what had to be done, needed to be done, to keep you by his side as he intended, but he won't deny the fact a part of him was hurt by the fact you would think like that about him if you only knew the forces he had defied to be with you. Zayne took a step closer, holding your shoulders, his cold hands gripped you firmly. "Is that what you think you are to me?" He says gulping down the anger that bubbled in his chest. "A placeholder." The word felt like poison on his tongue. "Just a warm body to hold during cold nights? You think that's what you are to me?” He was more hurt than angry, but in hindsight, he could see that she was not in the wrong to assume due to his own actions, but…she could at least talk to him.

Zayne was nervous, to be more specific, scared.

Right now you were too stunned to speak, the man in front of him was yours, but you had rarely seen him be this vulnerable in front of you. All his life he had thought that to protect your dearest you must always appear strong in front of them, reason why even now he was doing his very best to be composed even if he was hanging by the last thread. The reason he would sometimes let his guard down in front of her but not you. 

Because now that he had mastered his own fate, his dearest was not her. It was you.

You allowed him to speak since it was a rare occurrence, something you had tried to pry out of him but failed many times, till you gave up.

“To make your space is okay, to avoid confrontation till you are ready is valid and to hate me for my actions is also fair but…to change” He chokes a sob, and there it was, the tiny crack. “To shut me out completely is not okay, to assume the worst about someone is not right and-”he takes another shaky breath “and to change the trajectory of our relationship on your own…that's just cruel”.

You could see the remorse under the pain, a glimmer of hope in those accusatory eyes. Reaching out to him, you cup his cheeks; Zayne leans into your touch, lower lip trembling ever so slightly; it had been weeks since you touched him like this, so tenderly. “Zaynie.” The sound of his name from your lips, rolling down with such affection, was the last straw before his tears streamed down his face, just a few that turned into tiny and delicate snowflakes on his skin before they disappeared the moment they dripped down from his chin.

“I am sorry” you both say in unison making you giggle just a little, but him? Not so much.

“She means something to me, yes. And i do care about her” zayn's word felt unsavory to you given the circumstances. He leans down sharp green eyes boring into your “But you” he breathes “but you are my everything. I love you, my sweet girl” zayne doesnt waste a second to kiss you, not one of those soft pecks you had given him, a real kiss. One he had been craving for so long now. He pushes you into the counter gently. Making sure you were steady on your step. When you both pull away breathless, he presses a peck on your forehead.

“You shouldn't be sorry-” this time you silenced him, with a kiss. “My turn now.” you say to which he just nodded, a little too flustered to speak anyway. “I am sorry i avoided the problem instead of solving, but i was scared, scared that if i push it too far and it comes down to it, you will choose her over me” you couldn't meet his eyes when you said that. Zayne grabs the wrist of your hand that was on his cheek and pulls you flush into his chest and wraps his arm around your waist .

If only you knew that he had chosen you such a long time ago.

“I missed you so much. Please, don't ever make me feel alone again.” Your voice was still a little breathy from the kiss, and it was making his head spin, but he knew he had to control there was still a lot to actually discuss. “And I missed you, darling,” he sighs; he doesn't let go, though, resting his chin on your shoulder while your face is nuzzled into his chest. Just basking in each other's presence. “I promise I will do better, Let's talk things out, yeah. We can set whatever boundaries you want to have. There is nothing I won't do just to keep you by my side, love; you are the destiny I choose for myself”.

As much as you know your relationship needs work, on both ends. His sincere words made you assured the love you wove together, would keep you warm for a long time.

[piastappies]

🔮 OPPOSITES ATTRACT

synopsis. a quiet slytherin and a loud gryffindor find themselves on a chilly evening, which results in something unexpected — at least for people around them. the oldest weasley’s daughter finds herself infatuated with nott’s only child and vice versa, even if their worlds seem so different, being apart just doesn’t feel right.

notes. theodore nott x weasley!reader. slightly sunshine x grumpy (pretend you’re a ginger if ur not). part 2 containing the date, thoughts?

theodore nott never thought he would be given a chance to love and be loved, upon all the terrible mistakes he has made. and maybe it seemed silly for a sixteen years old to say, but with an upcoming war, he wasn’t so sure if he could live through it.

theodore nott never thought he would have someone to call his own, someone to help him, when times get tough or someone who would understand him wordlessly. to be fair, theodore nott never thought he deserved anything like that, so the surprise on his face, when he found someone who was involuntarily willing to be his person was enormous.

he was walking around the crowded streets of the city, the dim lighting allowing him to see muggles running around with different expression on every other face he has passed — some of them were happy, cheering the slowly creeping holiday on them, some of them were exhausted and/or angry, probably from trying to find a perfect gift for someone and failing. just watching them gave him some sort of comfort, he had never had to look for gifts too much, his father wasn’t keen on being all festive and christmas was just any other day. the exception itself was looking for presents for his friends, which never had troubled him so much he looked exhausted.

he was in his thoughts, when he felt like he collided with someone. his eyebrows were squinted as he looked down on the red-haired girl, whose face was all red, either from cold or embarrassment. though, there was something so familiar about the girl that made him study her face for a brief second, the tea stain on his unzipped jacket didn’t seem to bother him at all, not as much as the familiarity of the girl.

“oh my god, i am so sorry, sir.” she let out ashamed that she didn’t look where she was going and that she probably ruined someone’s evening with her no sugar, lemon tea. it was then, when the familiar girl finally gave up and looked at the person she rudely bumped into.

“nott?” her words weren’t coated with layers of disgust and regret that out of all the people in london that night, she bumped into theodore nott. her words had surprised and confused undertones, almost as if she didn’t mind seeing him there. now, he obviously recognized his attacker — y/n weasley, a girl he sits behind in history of magic, a twin sister of potter’s best friend, someone who should hate him with burning passion.

“are you alright?” redhead’s question took him off guard.

theo was expecting something else, like a mockery of the fact that he was walking amongst muggles without hexing them all. though to be honest, theodore never hated muggles, well, yeah, he said some stupid shit, when he was younger and he was far from proud, but it was the need to appease his father. he definitely didn’t expect to see the worried manner in her, her brows scrunched as she tried to read his emotions, while standing in front of him in silence.

“theo…?” repeated y/n. he wasn’t alright and he didn’t know if he should show it. for merlin’s sake, he really wanted to get so much things out of his system, but venting to a weasley? he knew better than that — she would probably go around, and spread out the word about everything she heard from him.

nott was about to mumble something in response, when her eyes flickered with concern, demolishing all his justification why shouldn’t he talk to her for longer than needed. she was genuine, not caring that ron and harry weren’t on a good terms with him, she wanted to know, and help if possible.

so, theo simply gave up the act. “uh, no. not really.” he confessed, confirming all the suspicions she got to gather from observing him for a few minutes, when he thought of an answer. her expression changed from concerned to slightly sad, even.

before the boy could realize, he was sat in one of the small coffee shops beside her, a half empty, steamy cup of hot chocolate in his hands as they talked. something was so incredibly off about the way they conversed, first time in a while, he never wanted to conversation to end, just like when he was talking to his friends. his body itched at the thought that soon both of them would have to come to their respective houses and the talk would be just a memory that never happened again.

he had to admit that y/n’s presence was soothing. it was like the smell of a freshly printed new book, a cigarette on a foggy morning, a sensation of someone’s nails gently scratching the inside of his palm. the last one was a habit his mom developed to calm him down before she died, leaving him with an aching need for someone to find out about his perk and do it when he needs.

her muffled laughter filled his ears as he watched the girl cover her lips with a palm, he couldn’t help but smile. the gloomy atmosphere that he brought with his tiny vent was long gone, since she declared it her mission to make him feel better. so, since he wasn’t a big talker himself, she let him listen to all the stories from when she was growing up. even though he never experienced a family like hers, a family that cared for each other, it was comforting.

his eyes darted to the clock hung up on a wall, followed by hers and a long sigh that left his lips. his fingers ran through his curls as he parted his lips to bid goodbyes, though y/n was faster. “we could meet up here some other time, if you want.” she gave him a shy smile, the one he never thought he would see on her face.

y/n weasley wasn’t the shy type of girl, she was a big talker, a smart-ass with witty comebacks and a obnoxiously loud aura coating her small frame, though right now, upon his gaze that wandered around her face for quite some time now, she grew shyer.

“uh.” stuttered theo. “yeah, i guess it’s a good idea.” his reply made her smile go bigger, and in the back of his head, it felt like a reward for the decision he just made, some kind of reassurance that he did something good.

“perfect.” she grinned, taking the two of their cups and taking them to the shop’s kitchen, revealing that either she works there, or she’s just insanely crazy for barging into someone’s workplace as an unwanted stranger. “there’s a fireplace in the back.” weasley added, taking his hand in hers before he could even refuse (he wouldn’t though).

the tips of her long nails gently grazed his palm, when she led him the back, greeting a few of her coworkers. her touch on his skin ached, almost burnt, although if that’s what the insides of a normal, fireplace without floo powder felt like, he could grow to like it, only if a part of her body was pressed against his. few minutes later theo’s hand felt empty as he watched her disappear in green flames, having bid their goodbyes.

***

theo hated that feeling. this warm, strange feeling that coated his heart whenever he thought about the obnoxious gryffindor, who he met at those muggle streets. nevertheless, he found himself unable to think about someone else. he was replying to a letter pansy has sent him, and the only thing he had on his mind was y/n, he wondered if ginny told her about her little getaways with theo’s best friend, if all her brothers got back to their house, and — if she thought about him.

his hands throbbed. his fingers wrapped tightly around the quill, before putting it down on his deck. why on earth would he text her? it was one accidental meeting at some crowded street, one conversation that shouldn’t mean anything to them.

nott squeezed his eyes, the muscles on his face tensed as he focused on the paper in front of him, scribbling down a few words in his neat handwriting. a long sigh has left his lips, his eyes tracing the sentence he wrote for her. shit, why would he even do that? if any of his friends knew, he’d have been doomed — one weasley hanging around their friend group was enough, but he didn’t want to push draco nor blaise’s limits.

on a christmas’ eve, he went out for another walk, slightly hoping in the back of his mind that he’d accidentally bump into her again. this time, theodore would make sure to hear her laugh more often, to see her teeth, when she smiles or to watch as she gets shyer upon his gaze on her face.

his feet got him into a familiar looking café, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion — he couldn’t pinpoint from where he knew the place — and looked around. then, he heard it.

“theo!” a female voice rang in his ears. the boy turned his face, a smile slipping onto his lips as he realized where he was. the god damned café y/n was working at. “what can i get you?” a grin spread across her face, visibly delighted to see him there, almost as if she hoped for it.

her forearms laid on the counter as her body leaned a little closer, her hair pinned up in a ponytail that probably got ruined during her shift from running around the place, having a chat with each customer every now and then, a pinkish tint on her cheeks, maybe from the heat in the back or maybe, because he was there.

it took him a second to realize that he was staring with his mouth slightly parted. “uh—” he stuttered, getting a small, barely audiable giggle in response. “i just came to see you.” he blurted out. thank god his ears were covered by the beanie, because just by saying those six words got him all flustered.

“theo.” his name sounded so well coming from her. theodore wanted to hear it again, again, and again. it was melodic, like most beautiful song he’s ever heared. how could he get so whipped after one hangout?

“i hoped you’d come by.” she confessed shyly. “i have something for you in the back, could you give me five minutes? i gotta tell the manager i’m taking a break.” she beamed at him sweetly, rushing off to the back, taking off the green apron that hung on her waist in the meantime.

when she came back, she was still wearing the café’s shirt with a small, green logo, black jeans, and was carefully walking towards his table with a neatly wrapped package and on a top of that a plate with a big piece of some sort of chocolate cake, two drinks (the same as last time), and a cookie. her hair wasn’t in a ponytail anymore, ginger strands falling into her shoulders as she gave him the sweetest smile he’d ever seen.

“you– you got me something?” a question left theo’s mouth, leaving him all surprised — the strange feeling warming him up from the inside. he took a big sip of the hot chocolate in front of him, hardly minding that he burnt his tongue, he didn’t want to say anything stupid. “y/n, we talked once and you… got me something?” he asked once again, not believing his own eyes.

the girl just smiled wider, passing the box towards him. “uh. yeah.” she answered, shrugging. “last time, you said that you never really celebrated christmas the right way, so… please open it.” she tried explaing herself, but gave up at the end, pushing the box further with her fingertips. “please?”

shit.

if she didn’t ask, if she didn’t give him those eyes and that smile. maybe he would be able to refuse, think of some lame excuse that wouldn’t hurt her feelings and give her the box back. but y/n was so sweet, and thought of him hard enough to prepare him a gift.

for half a second, theodore could see something flicker in her eyes, when his lean fingers gently pulled the green ribbon, ripping the gift paper afterwards. the gift turned out to be a sweater, a hand-made one that made the feeling come back to him.

the sweater was dark green, in the similar shade of his tie or the snake symbol on his robes, it had a large, dark blue letter T with a silver outline. his eyes scanned the piece of clothing, the corner of his lips going slightly upwards. “you got me your mom’s iconic sweater?” asked theo.

his mind was filled with different thoughts and emotions right now. he could never call y/n weasley a sweet girl, not because it wasn’t true, but because it would be an understatement — she was the sweetest, or at least somewhere in that range. his cheeks almost hurt from smiling at her, and never in his life nott had felt it.

“actually…” her cheeks started getting a little more pinkish than usual. “it’s based on my mom’s sweaters, i did it on my own. it might not be perfect—" y/n started rambling in nervousness, afraid that the boy won’t be happy about getting a meaningless piece of fabric from her.

“y/n, i love it.” theodore’s words were like honey to y/n’s ears, she gave him a small smile, not really expecting him to gently grab her hand out of sudden. the reason behind it? even theo didn’t know (probably to ease her nerves).

when he realized what he did, he wanted to take his hand back and mutter a quiet apology, the crime scene awkward as much as only possible. although, from the corner of his eye, he noticed that the pink on her face intensified, few more minutes of skin-to-skin contact, and she would turn into a tomato, so his hand stayed on hers, taking the chance and intertwining their fingers together.

“would you– uh,” the redhead started, stumbling over her own words, easily losing focus, each time his thumb stroked her hand, a tiny smirk hovering over his lips. “like to, uh, come here once in a while, you know… until the break’s over? keep me company, maybe?”

and he did. how couldn’t he? this girl was constantly on his mind ever since she bumped into him on the streets and spent literal hours at the café.

although, beside just keeping her company during the winter break — but also at school. he grew so fond of her (and believe me, it worked both ways) that cutting their fresh friendship short was something he couldn’t let happen. so… even though her younger sister was already swaying her way into theodore’s friend group, y/n seemed like a different topic.

theodore nott liked sharing. as unbelievable as it sounds, he really did. whenever he had something he enjoyed, he was willing to share, he was the type of person to give away his last cigarette to one of his friends, but the thought of sharing y/n weasley never crossed his mind. he wanted her all to himself, so… their hangouts always contained just the two of them.

small study dates in the library, late night walks around the courtyard, meet-ups in the room of requirement, picnics in the astronomy tower, while smoking some pot and cigarettes together.

back then, it felt strictly platonic. even if they called it their little dates, nott had a feeling they weren’t moving past the friendship line, while his emotions towards the girl were getting more and more serious. nevertheless, theodore was confident, but not confident enough to ask her out — to confess his silly crush without the fear creeping up on him that y/n would reject him and turn his dreams into nightmares.

***

the weather outside was getting better with each day until spending time inside the castle was unbearable. it was around the time, theo decided to finally push his luck and ask the girl of his dream out. ever since he woke up, he was nervously fidgeting with everything that got to his hands and when then classes were to start, it only got worse.

“you alright, theo?” a whisper left y/n’s mouth as she stood next to him in potions, her elbow nudging him lightly, trying to catch his attention.

merlin. the way his name sounded so wonderful on her tongue. if it wasn’t for the small attention-grabber, he would definitely accidentally ignore the question to daydream about how sweetly her voice is.

“no, i mean– yes, yes i am.” he stuttered. “i just– can i ask you a question?” she nodded, making his stomach turn around. “would you, uh– like to go out to hogsmeade with me? like on a date?” the question left his lips.

his throat went dry as he waited years for an answer (which was actually just about two seconds, theo’s brain just got really dramatic from stress), legs giving up, so he had to lean his palms on the table.

“f’course.” weasley grinned, not minding the blush that spread all over her face, just from the ask. “i thought you’d never ask, really.” she giggled, turning her eyes away for a second, before flashing him another beam of hers.

nott’s face was now bright pink. “i– what?” he was struggling to form a logical sentence. “you wanted me to–?” the boy was supposed to finish his thought, though it didn’t really sit well with snape who interrupted their little talk, postponing it until the evening.

the two of them were walking somewhere outside, laughing about something so insignificant, when the situation from classes popped into his mind. “so… about that date. you really want to?” asked nott.

he expected any kind of answer — yes, no, maybe, you should guess, nah — whatever was only possible. however, the feeling of her lips on his wouldn’t cross his mind. she kissed him. y/n has kissed him, leaving him breathless, when she pulled away.

“does that answer your question?” redhead chuckled, her fingers still curled up against the collar of his white shirt. he shook his head, still mind-blown. “yes, theodore faustus nott, i was dying to hear you ask me out on a date. whatever we have between us, i wanted it to move forward and go on a date with you.”

she laughed. “you really think i’d spend hours crotcheting a sweater for a guy i met few days earlier if i didn’t feel something? theo, i almost passed out when you touched my hand months ago.” another laugh left her lips that were now so close to his, clouding his mind with one certain thing.

upon hearing all those words, the boy couldn’t stop himself anymore, he pressed his mouth against hers, savouring the moment. cherishing the fact that she wanted him like he wanted her.

“the date is still a thing, yeah?” y/n smiled as her nose brushed his.

“you’re gonna love it.” he answered, grinning.

[rosesareredrosa]

So Obvious part 2

Theo x fem reader

Summary: Y/n realizes her feelings and mistakes and now comes to Theo to apologize and slowly restart their friendship and maybe become something more.

w/c: 920

The days following Theodore's confrontation with Y/N were agonizingly slow. The weight of his confession hung over him, and the uncertainty of Y/N's response gnawed at his thoughts. He replayed their conversation over and over, wondering if he had been too harsh, too impulsive. His friends noticed the change in him, but they respected his need for space.

In the Ravenclaw common room, Y/N was equally tormented. Theodore’s words echoed in her mind, the raw pain and frustration in his voice a stark contrast to the calm demeanor she had always associated with him. She had always admired Theo’s quiet strength, his unwavering loyalty, and his subtle kindness. She had been so focused on her studies and her own world that she hadn’t seen what was right in front of her.

Determined to make things right, Y/N decided to find Theodore and talk to him again. She needed to understand his feelings better and share her own. She found him in the Slytherin common room, sitting by the fireplace, staring into the flames. Gathering her courage, she approached him.

"Theo, can we talk?" she asked softly, her voice tentative.

Theodore looked up, surprise and a flicker of hope crossing his features. He nodded, gesturing for her to sit down.

Y/N took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about what you said. About how you've been trying to show me how you feel. I’m sorry I didn’t see it. I was so caught up in my own world that I missed the signs."

Theodore's gaze softened slightly, but his expression remained guarded. "I didn't mean to be so harsh, Y/N. I just... I needed you to understand how much this has been affecting me."

Y/N nodded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I know, and I appreciate your honesty. I’ve been blind to what was right in front of me. But now that I know, I want you to know that I care about you too. More than I realized."

Theodore's heart ached at her words, a mix of relief and lingering pain. "You do?"

"Yes, Theo. I do," Y/N said, reaching out to take his hand. "I just didn't think you'd ever feel the same way about me. I thought you were just being a good friend."

Theodore squeezed her hand gently, a sad smile playing on his lips. "I’ve always felt more than that, Y/N. I’ve just been too scared to say it outright."

Y/N's eyes filled with regret. "I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to hide your feelings. I want to make it right, Theo. I want to try, if you're willing to give me a chance."

Theodore studied her for a moment, his emotions a turbulent mix of hope and hesitation. "It’s going to take time, Y/N. I’ve been hurt, and I need to trust that things will be different."

"I understand," Y/N said softly. "I’m willing to wait, and to show you that I care. You deserve that."

Theodore nodded, his heart swelling with a cautious optimism. "Alright. Let’s take it slow. We can figure this out together."

Over the next few weeks, Theodore and Y/N began to rebuild their relationship, taking tentative steps toward something more. They spent more time together, sharing their thoughts and feelings openly. It was a process of healing and rediscovery, and while it wasn’t always easy, it was worth it.

One evening, as they walked along the edge of the Black Lake, the setting sun casting a warm glow over the water, Y/N looked up at Theodore. "Thank you for giving us a chance, Theo."

Theodore smiled, a genuine warmth in his eyes. "I’m glad we’re trying. I’ve always been a fool for you, Y/N. And I think I’m okay with that."

Y/N laughed softly, leaning into him. "I think I am too."

As they stood there, watching the sun dip below the horizon, they both felt a sense of peace. It wasn’t the end of their journey, but a new beginning. For the first time in a long while, Theodore felt hopeful about the future, knowing that they were facing it together.

Days turned into weeks, and their bond grew stronger. Theodore found himself opening up in ways he had never imagined. The quiet moments they shared in the library, the walks by the Black Lake, and the late-night conversations in the common rooms all became precious memories.

One afternoon, while they were studying in the library, Y/N glanced up at Theo. “You know, Theo, I’ve been thinking about us.”

Theo looked up from his book, curiosity in his eyes. “What about us?”

Y/N smiled softly. “About how we started, how oblivious I was. I’ve come to realize how much you mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me.”

Theo reached out, taking her hand in his. “I’m glad you see it now. It’s been a long road, but I wouldn’t change a thing if it brought us here.”

Y/N’s eyes sparkled with emotion. “Me neither. I’m grateful for your patience, Theo. For everything.”

Theo leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “You’re worth it, Y/N. Every moment of doubt, every second of frustration. You’re worth it all.”

Y/N’s heart swelled with affection, and she leaned in closer, resting her head against his shoulder. They stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s presence, finding solace in the unspoken words between them.

In that moment, Theodore knew he was no longer a fool. He was simply a man in love, and that was more than enough.

[tsuutarr]

So I may or may not be a little (aka a lot) charmed by all of your characters because, my dear, they are absolutely AMAZING and super charismatic!

and then I found myself wondering how they would react if their darlings got a little depressed about how miserable their social life has become... I mean, how do you manage to keep your mental health up with a total of ONE PERSON in your life?!

I was thinking about this because I'm Brazilian, and we are social creatures ya'know, we NEED other people to keep living and believe me, the pandemic situation DID NOT HELP IN THAT ASPECT OF US. Besides, we are touchy people, we greet each other with kisses on the cheek, long and deep hugs whenever we feel like it and I don't really think the oc's would appreciate our affection being distributed like this 😞 unless is with them, which is totally possible because if we are touchy with strangers, with the close ones we are SUPER lovey dovey.

If you could ease my curiosity about this aspect, I would be very, very happy 👉👈 and I don't mean it's just this specific scenario, just being depressed in general, begging for any kind of normal human interaction hahaha.

Anyway, sorry for this LONG text, this has been on my mind since I started reading your works (and they are AMAZING, really, I'm in love with your writing style!). As I said before, I'm Brazilian and English is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes 🤗.

Wowow thank you so much for your kind words!! I am so happy you like my yandere OCs + my writing style!! Also, this is a very fun request/scenario, tysm for requesting it :3c Your English is great, please don't apologize!

Here's the answer to your request down below!!

So, Jiu's case is really interesting because he has the intellect, power, AND money to ensure that he's the closest person to you even if he DOESN'T lock you up. He's basically puppeteering your life from the background while giving you a sense of free will (e.g., you got into your specific college because of HIM, you got your specific job because of HIM, and so on). Getting him to isolate you from society would only really happen if you rejected him/began to distance yourself from him.

If you got too lonely because you could only interact with him, Jiu would cosplay and roleplay any person/character you wanted to in order to give some illusion of diverse human interaction. If you became depressed, he'd get you a therapist and anything else you might need, but... make no mistake, that therapist (while licensed properly) is NOT on your side.

On occasion, Jiu would allow you to interact with his paid workers while he's watching. Like, he'll hire a "friend" for you (who only visits at 11 AM on Fridays) and let you talk to the nanny and stuff, but that'd be it. Now, he'll be controlling your life from the frontlines rather than the backdrop and there's really nothing you can do about it, oops.

For Finley... he's actually a very clueless yandere + extremely pathetic. His emotions are very volatile so he's easy to upset/please. When he isolates you from society, it's because he thinks it's for the greater good. People are so corrupt, can't you see? He's only doing it to protect you. If you got depressed due to only being able to interact with him, he'd just cling even harder to you. After all, you're lonely because he hasn't been spending enough time with you, right (wrong)? For him, he'd understand that you seem sad, but he wouldn't understand why. He's just protecting you! Though, he may get you some pets -- he's VERY partial to animals and likes them quite a bit more than he likes humans.

Oh man, so Tynan has mind magic, so his solution is pretty messed up. He'll either hypnotize you to be okay with your situation OR give you dreams where you interact with people. His dream magic is scary because it's genuinely really hard to tell dreams from reality, so before long, you'll be tricked into thinking you spent time with the people you love when really, you were sleeping on Tynan's lap the whole time.

As for the abandoned water god... he does care about you, but not enough to let you interact with other people, even if you're feeling depressed. After you basically helped awaken him after he was forgotten for centuries, he's super obsessed with you. He doesn't need anyone else as long as he has you, so he thinks that you don't need anyone else since you have him. He'll take you to go see a bunch of sea animals, though! But those sea animals are the only other living beings you'll see. Not to mention that he's practically cursed with immortality, sooo... yeah, you're not escaping him.

Finally, for the farmer... he lives pretty isolated on his big farm anyway, so if you're his neighbor, you're already kind of isolated from everyone else. The farmer isolates you by making you dependent on him so you'll stay by his side willingly rather than locking you up. For the most part, he'll actually let some people (who are not romantically interested in you) visit you -- in fact, he actually doesn't mind it if your family visits because they all adore him (and it's so so so cute to see them tease you about how you must be dating him). But woo boy, you are very very very rarely going to be able to leave the farm. Issues crop up one way or another: blocked road, punctured tire, empty gas tank, etc... so, really, you can't leave. Unless, well, he escorts you. But it might just be better to stay on the farm since it's much more convenient, you know?

[gayfanservice]

Kei with a male reader. figure their on the debate club or something and Kei vents to them because their a non biased person regarding volleyball and his team. Figure they give encouragement and kei just bluntly asks them out.

Guess who’s back (back again) I am back! (Once again)

Friends to lovers, i dont know anything about debating

*********

“-and that tiny-ass-mother-”

“Too strong, Kei, try to keep the emotions at an even level so it doesn’t cloud your judgement.”

“Huh? I’m not debating this, he’s tiny!” Kei huffed, cheeks pink and puffed ever so slightly as (Y/N) chuckled.

“Right, sorry, continue.”

Kei was currently flopped on (Y/N)’s bed, who was sitting at his desk, a notepad and pen in hand, looking like a therapist.

“He’s so annoying. We’re doing basic drills and these two just keep arguing! They argue about this, they argue about that! All they do is argue!” His hands dramatically extended to the air.

“Mhm, and how does that make you feel?” Kei sighed at his friend’s poor attempt to be funny, who found it just a little funny to fuck with him. If Kei didn’t like him so much, he would’ve kicked his ass for not taking this outrageous news to heart.

“Awful, because after practice I came here only to have your ass joking about my suffering.” There was obviously no malice behind the words; a playful undertone was hanging from them as his heart sped up. He huffed, again, and rolled to his side, cheeks turning more red, “If you were there, you’d understand.”

“Maybe, the only teammate of yours I know is Yamaguchi.” (Y/N) continued writing in the notepad for a few seconds. “Do you know why they fight?”

“‘Cause they’re stupid.” Kei snorted out, a proud look on his face as he rolled onto his back. “And immature, can’t forget that part.” He heard his friend hum, acknowledging his words. “But, you have no idea how much that twerp gets me so… angry! Genuinely, he’s the most annoying guy I know!”

“Have the captains-”

“Captain, technically there’s just one captain.”

“Just gonna down-play one, got it.” (Y/N) grinned, “Has the captain and co-captain, or whatever term you guys use, talked to them?”

Remembering how the two were literally thrown out because they couldn’t get along with each other, Kei bursted into a short, obnoxiously loud laugh, “You have no idea, they literally kicked them out of the gym until they could get along!”

Surprise was evident on (Y/N)’s face, “Wow, that, uh, yeah, that is a pretty intense hatred.”

Kei let out a long, exasperated sigh. “I can’t deal with those two, I swear.” He mumbled, rubbing his face, glasses pushed up to his forehead. “Thanks for letting me rant, without much interruption of course.”

“No prob, dog-”

“Gross.” If only he didn’t like this debating nerd.

“It’s always good to get stuff off your chest.”

“Is that way you joined the debate club?”

“No, I just like telling people they’re wrong.”

“I- that happens? I thought… actually, I don’t know what I thought.” (Y/N) cackled as he continued writing. Kei’s heart swelled at the noise, staring at the faint outlines of those glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, no doubt that (Y/N) had since childhood. He sighed obnoxiously loud, again, “What am I gonna doooo,”

“Well you could quit-”

“No?” Kei scoffed at the audacity of this man to even think he’d quit volleyball because of those two dumbasses.

“-or you can tough it out. Just because they don’t get along now, doesn’t mean they never will. I bet in a couple weeks they’ll tolerate each other and stop being annoying.” The emotionally intelligent one said, still writing in the notepad.

“Yeah, I will.” As if he wasn’t already doing that.

The two sat in silence, for only a couple minutes. Kei went onto his phone, scrolling through whatever app was available to him. His face was still warm, heart still faster than normal. He liked the other boy for quite some time now, but he never had the guts to actually say anything. Hell, Kei wasn’t even sure if (Y/N) even liked him as a friend, but at this point it’d be awkward if he didn’t, so he assumes yes.

Kei took a deep breath, heart pounding faster and face turning red as he sat up, phone discarded to the side. Might as well confess after spilling your hateful guts, right?

“(Y/N),” He got a hum as said boy stopped writing, making eye contact with a red Kei, “Wanna go out with me?”

(Y/N) froze, the bluntness and randomness completely taken him by surprise. He felt his face heat up and tried to keep his composure, “Wow, very blunt and straight forward, never expected less from you, Tsukki.” He grinned.

“Oh, fuck you.” (Y/N) laughed as Kei deadpanned, not fond of how his friend called him by his childish nickname. “Statement: retracted.” He crossed his arms and tilted his head.

“Wait- no- Kei, I’m sorry!” (Y/N) snorted, amused by Kei’s childish actions, “I’m sorry, you just took me by surprise and I had to get you back! Yes, yes, I’ll date you, sourpuss.”

“Hm, I don’t know if you deserve it anymore.” A smile crept onto Kei’s face no matter how hard he tried to stay nonchalant. (Y/N)’s grin widened, setting the notepad and pencil down.

“Fine, you leave me no choice,” He held his hands up in a mock surrender, “I guess we’ll both just be single for the rest of our lives, forever craving the touch of one another.” He held a hand over his heart, almost tipping the chair over with how far he leaned back.

“God, you’re weird.” Kei feigned disgust at the display in front of him.

The two laughed as they finished whatever they just did, the afternoon sun casting a shadow into the dimly lit room.

(Y/N) got up from his spot, “So, are we dating?” He asked as he sat beside Kei.

Kei’s heart once again sped up at the closeness of the other, “Uhm, I don’t know,” he didn’t know why he was awkward now, perhaps his brain was occupied with how easily he could lay down and finally cuddle (Y/N) like he’s thought of for the past couple of months, or perhaps it just suddenly got really hot out of no where, “are we?”

(Y/N) pretended to think, putting a finger to his chin as he leaned on Kei, “Sure, why not?”

*********

It has been… awhile lol

Read the rules before following

[p5-apotelesma]

thinking of how rens terrible eating habits heavily impact his performance in the metaverse in the beginning. how often ren would pass out or feel like passing out when first starting as a phantom thief because his diet does NOT make up for how much energy hes using in the metaverse (even if the metaverse lets you do feats you wouldnt be able to do irl)

ryuji and ann and mona are like AAA ARE YOU OKAY and ren is like. uhhh yeah. my bad. gimme a minute. like. he faints at least TWICE going through kamoshidas palace and they have to leave so ann and ryuji can FEED HIM.

ANN: oh my god, oh my god, ren— how many fingers am i holding up?? REN: seven RYUJI: are you in pain anywhere?? shit!! what do we do?? MORGANA: stop crowding them! RYUJI: dude!! he just fainted!! REN: guys, im fine this happens a lot RYUJI: BRO?? what? ANN: Hello?? REN: well it... used to? when i was a kid MORGANA: w—were you sick? are you sick?? REN: need to eat. MORGANA: you— (we dont have time to unpack that) youre hungry? now? right now? REN: sure ANN: when was the last time you ate?! REN: lunch. bread. had cup noodles last night. RYUJI: oh. dude, your blood sugars so low youre tripping over it. REN: heh,, my bad ANN: geez, okay, we’re leaving right now! and we’re gonna take you out to eat! REN: oh. uhh RYUJI: seconded. and youre bringing home all the leftovers REN: um MORGANA: joker, you wont object to sushi, will you? can we get sushi? RYUJI: taking the opportunity to satiate your tuna addiction even now?! MORGANA: shuddup! i’m his greatest motivator! you want them to take all the leftovers or not? (he’ll feel less guilty about being spoiled if he can use it to spoil me!) REN: eheheheh hahahaha! EVERYONE: ? REN: sorry, im fine (wipes his eyes from laughing. also he’s genuinely kinda emotional cause he has people who love him so much) yeah, we can go. im ready… MORGANA: yes!!

ryuji and ann (and many of the others going forward) carry snacks on them specifically because ren forgets theyre a human being with a body that needs fuel to function.

both him and yusuke are disasters in this aspect. yusuke is no stranger to collapsing because he hasnt eaten enough. futaba also forgets they need to eat too cause their hyperfocus goes crazy. and goro also skips meals a lot.

ren has a job by the time they start madarames palace, i think? so at least he has more spending money so he can buy food for himself. and also sojiro is AWARE by this point that rens parents did, in fact, NOT send them to tokyo with a budget. so he's feeding ren every morning now rather than some mornings. he's allowing ren to touch the kitchen. use some beans and curry ingredients. and eat leftover curry. and he occasionally brings takeout home for him. (when futaba asks for takeout and he figures he should buy ren some too)

but sometimes. ren does. still. indeed. forget to fucking eat. hes running around doing all these things and has so much on his mind. so busy and goal focused on being team leader and helping others (unconsciously avoiding his own pain by doing so) that of course his autistic ass isnt. capable of that extra bit of processing when it comes to. his own needs. (and his needs never had a place at the table growing up. ofc hes completely detached from them)

years of dysfunctional eating cant be undone completely within just one year. (especially with ren going BACK to the environment that fostered those habits in the first place in the end.) they get better but theyll never not be just a bit dysfunctional. but being allowed to use the kitchen and being given a safe space where he feel like he wont be judged or attacked when he does it, has them going out of their way to try new things. to learn. to cook for their friends and they really really enjoy doing it.

rens eating habits improve in part through his own desire to provide food for his team. to support his other friends whose habits are also not that great. and as a show of love and gratitude for everyone taking care of him. this is also why ren spoils morgana so much. because this cat is constantly reminding ren to rest and take their time and eat.

[raynaisanerd]

Too much of the fandom really likes Renee. I hate her. I can understand that people find her attractive, because she is, but I can’t stand her. Obviously each to their own, and I can acknowledge that if you don’t particularly like both Andrew and Ashley you will find Renee’s actions less hate-able. This is just my thoughts shoved into text format. Sorry for any errors.

Abuse of Andrew

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ Renee made Andrew into a parent for Ashley, which in turn didn’t allow him to have a proper childhood. It’s also teased in the Episode 3 trailer that there’s rumours of incest between the siblings around school which is no doubt stemmed from the two being forced in such close proximities due to the mother and fathers neglect. This more than likely affected a lot of Andrew’s social life, pushing him towards other women to ‘prove’ he isn’t ’like that’, which isn’t particularly healthy for a teen boy.

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ Renee and the father are likely the cause of Andrew’s anxiety in fear of pissing her off, or generally bothering her. Andrew represses his true feelings so he can please his parents, Both parents seem to brush off any concerns Andrew has, making him internalise his feelings and not seek any mental or emotional support for what he is going through.

Abuse of Ashley

₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Renee forcing Andrew to be Ashley’s caretaker tore away any form of other support network for the young girl. This is clearly shown with how she struggles to make friends and genuine connections with others outside of Andrew, seen with Julia and Nina. It is also why she never sought out support for herself, Renee would never get help for her clearly neurodivergent or somewhere on the ASPD spectrum, so Ashley in turn also did not.

₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Renee not allowing Ashley to have birthdays may seem like a small and insignificant detail but it speaks volumes of what she was like as a parent to me. She never allowed to have nice things and Renee made sure of that. Or didn’t. She didn’t care enough to even check up in the girl, probably didn’t even remember her birthday.

₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Renee calling her a problem and an annoyance, again, something insignificant to some that I am reading into far too much. Your parent is supposed to be your biggest supporter in life, the one that brought you to life, who is supposed to love you unconditionally. Ashley has none of that. The only unconditional love and support she has is from her older brother. Not having support from your parents, your mother actively calling her an annoyance doesn’t help with her obviously festering insecurities and self hatred.

₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎ Renee thinking and openly expressing that the only way Ashley could have value to anyone (specifically Andrew) is if she is having sex with them. Ashley’s mindset about sex is very contractual (I will probably go into further detail about this in a later post) and I believe that that has been taken from her mother.

—

🌺 Selling her children to the organ harvesting scheme is just generally fucked up, and how she shows absolutely no remorse is even more concerning. She happily collected the life insurance money, moved to a nicer home in a nicer place intending to forget about the two whole children she had.

🌺 Renee may not be the cause of all of the siblings problems, there are external influences as well as the father, though I feel with the lack of content we have around their father that I am unable to judge him on his actions, bar being equally responsible for his children. I just find the fandoms treatment of Renee to be odd considering how fandoms usually absolutely flame abusive parents in fiction. As I said, each to their own, if you like her this isn’t a post to try and change your mind, it’s just my opinion.

[yeetfanficccc]

How bout a dance? Wicked Boq x Reader

Authors note- bro 2 fics in 2 days who am I? Reader can be read as gender neutral. I wrote this in one sitting so sorry for any mistakes- enjoy fellow Boq simps (in this house we simp for the simp) AU where Nessa doesn't like him because that's too complicated my guy. Did I give this (Y/N) my kind of oblivious, a bit stupid personality? Yes.

There he was again. Within the day Fiyero had been at Shiz University, everything seemed to change. Classes felt shorter as students slacked off, the library had books scattered every place a book shouldn’t be, and people were dancing, genuinely dancing, with glee. It was the most fun I’d had in years. I needed more

“He’s kind of cute isn’t he? That Fiyero.” It was a question, but it felt like the most obvious statement in the world. Literally everyone, boys, girls, probably Oz himself, found Fiyero attractive. He was a magnet sucking the world in, and I wanted a taste of what that was like. 

Next to me Boq, my first friend at Shiz, pouted, “I don’t get why everyone is freaking out so much. He’s just some guy.”

If I was being honest with myself, Boq was way more my type. Kinda shy, kinda nerdy, with freckled cheeks, unruly red hair, and a genuine smile. The type to make you feel special. But, I saw how he looked at Galinda, like she was the most beautiful person in the world. So, I resigned myself to the flirty, pipe dream Fiyero. It made me feel less sore inside. 

“Boq, I have a plan. A stupid, crazy plan.”

“You’re implying that all of your plans aren’t stupid and crazy.”

“Crazy I’ll give you,” I smiled, “but not stupid.”

His lip curled, “(Y/N), you thought it would be funny if we told people we liked their hat for a week when they weren’t wearing one just to see when they crumble.”

“The best thing you can take from someone is their reality, besides it was harmless.”

“One guy started crying by day 3.”

“To which I promptly apologized.” 

“Oz,” he laughed, that honey suckle laugh. The one I could never get out of my head. I shot my gaze away. “You’re impossible.”

“Do you want to hear the plan? Or should I find someone else?”

“No,” he shot so fast it sent me back a bit, “I’m your guy. I’ll do anything for you. We’re a team.”

I ignored the heat rising on my face, “you know how a bunch of people are going to the OzDust tonight?”

“Yeah…?”

“And you want to get Galinda’s attention?”

“I did. But now I don’t know. Things have changed.” He wouldn’t meet my eye when he said the last bit. I frowned. 

“If you’re worried about Fiyero don’t be. That’s my part of the plan.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“We pretend to be in love, so much so that everyone is jealous of how desirable we are. Fiyero and Galinda are the type that need the spotlight. So, they will each see us as their ticket back to the center of attention.”

“You want us…. to be in love?” homeboy looked dazed. 

“Only pretend of course! Just until our respective person sees how great we are.” 

“I don’t think this plan will work.”

“Do you not think we can convincingly be in love?” I questioned.

“No. We can do that.” And there went his eye contact, “I just don’t think we can convince Galinda and Fiyero to be with us.”

“Maybe you’re right. Sorry,” I deflated, “I was just really zoned out and this idea came to me”

“I’m not saying we shouldn’t try… for research.”

“Really! Boq you’d do that for me?”

“I’d do anything for you…” this time, his eyes meet mine. Brown, like fine Earth melted in amber. I felt a stir in my chest. No, too complicated. Fiyero is brainless, fun- way less emotional investment. That is, hoping this plan worked. Which I definitely wanted!

“See you tonight!” 

That night, the OzDust

The OzDust was more magnificent that I imagined. Music swirled in the air, as crowds huddled around a gleaming dancefloor. Every color of the rainbow, and then some, was fashioned into skirts, suits, and corsets moving in rhythm. 

Boq wore a red velet suit as I dawned blue. Opposites, that somehow end up together.

“(Y/N), you look so stunning,“ Boq grinned his smile lines even up to his eyes, “like a painting or something.” Damn he’s a good actor.

“And you are the most handsome munchkin boy I’ve ever seen.”   

“Just munchkin?”

“Okay fine. Most handsome boy, no superlatives!” I teased bopping his nose. This clearly surprised him, but he quickly went with it. 

“My angel” he leaned in to kiss my cheek. I nearly fainted, the heart palpitations were back with a vengeance. Do it for the bit (Y/N). Do it for the bit. “Am I doing a good job?” 

His whispered words made me remember this is all an act. But he had such a puppy dog smile, like all that mattered was pleasing me. Damn… no Fiyero think unobtainable Fiyero. 

“You’re doing great. But I don’t think we’ve gotten their attention yet. Permission to turn it up a notch? If this is making you uncomfortable though, we can stop.” 

“I’m not as shy as people think I am, not when I’m with you.”

“Well then, let’s dance.”

“Let’s” he reached out his hand. 

The song was upbeat, fluid. Boq took me in his arms and glided me around the dancefloor. I felt like I had wings and was zooming through the clouds. 

“Is this, okay? Am I dancing too fast?” Boq asked. 

“No, you’re perfect.”

“Well then, I’m turning it up.” He laughed, “get ready (Y/N) (L/N), we’re going turbo mode.”

His goofy smile turned to a devilishly handsome grin. He spun and held me to the song perfectly like it was a big, rehearsed dance number. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so alive, so free. And it was all because of him. Just then, the song turned more jazzy, low, seductive. The notes caressed my ears as I could feel Boq’s hot breath on my cheek.

He dipped me. Something within me snapped, I leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. Warm honey.  Once I realized what I did, I pulled away, 

“I’m so sorry. I got caught up in the moment.”

“(Y/N), I can’t keep lying to you. I like you, like a lot. I’m sorry if that ruins things but-“

“No. That ruins nothing. I like you, like a lot too.” My heart raced.

“But what about the plan?”

“It was a stupid and crazy plan. I only liked Fiyero because I needed a distraction. I haven’t even talked to him. I like you, this whole time I have.”

“Oh.” Boq blushed. It sent me to heaven.

“But I thought you liked Galinda. So, I didn’t think anything would happen with us.”

“I did. But then you came along and showed me I’m good as I am. You make me so happy.” 

“Boq, you are so sweet.”

“Can I be sweet… as your boyfriend?”

“Yes!” I shot, “please.”

“I’m sorry your plan didn’t work.” he placed a hand on my cheek, "you were so excited about it. It was really cute actually..."

“To be honest, I don’t think Galinda or Fiyero looked our way once. They were too busy with eachother… and themselves. It was a bad plan.”

"Or maybe you were secretly seducing me this whole time and playing mind games to make me jealous." Boq baited.

"Boq, I'm about as dull as brick when it comes to you how would I have found the sense to play mind games?"

"For the record, I was jealous when you wouldn't stop talking about how attractive Fiyero was."

"Now you now how I feel when you wouldn't shut up about Galinda when we first met!"

"It was a phase! A weird, weird phase."

“Well, I’m glad. Because now I have you. And you're stuck with me.” I gave him a light kiss on the cheek, he turned someone even redder.

"If you think I was kind of weird and obsessive about her, you have no idea how much I yapped about you whenever you weren't around."

"My handsome, silly Munchkin boy...."

We danced the rest of the night in each other’s arms, holding on to the joy in our hearts.

[mayadoesfandomstuff]

Now with reading summaries of the podcast episode and watching some of the clips, it genuinely triggers my anxiety hearing about how Dream treated his friends and especially those who are more vulnerable than him (like Tommy being a teenager), especially since I experienced the same kind of thing with one of my ex toxic friend from about last year this time and it's so unnerving.

Tommy saying that he tried settling things privately, keeps getting empty apologies, and then for Dream to just keep doing what he was doing without changing anything really brought me back to my own conversations where I would basically almost beg her to reflect on how she's hurt me and her apologizing with a "I'm sorry you felt that way." and then continuing on to act the same way.

Tommy and Jack talking about how it was almost like he didn't understood what he did was wrong and it taking so much to explain things to him and in the end the whole thing not clicking, reminded me of long conversations I had with her trying to make her understand why she was being hurtful and still, at the end of it, still not agreeing with me on why her words were hurtful to a mutual friend.

Tommy questioning whether or not he's accurate on how badly dream treats him and only having very few people to vent to really hit hard and it brought me back to when I could only talk about how bad my ex friend was to me to only one person who wasn't trying to play devil's advocate for her. Someone who was also hurt and has also publicly expressed her disdain for her to the rest of the friend group and we honestly felt like conspiracy theorists half the time who couldn't speak about this publicly or outside our most inner circles (i.e. just us and maybe my family members).

There's so much of this that they talked about that I'm seeing disturbing parallels to me and that relationship and it does make me wonder if it was just a toxic friendship or outright emotional abuse or both or am I crazy or whatever because it's not like we had a large age gap and the only thing she may have over me was that she was physically abled while I was housebound and nearly isolated except with my family and online conversations with our same mutual friends and maybe she was lighter skinned and was actively colorist against me and my other friend that she also hurt but man, this is really making me think.

My heart goes out for Tommy and I do hope that he closes this chapter of his life and finds success in his new ventures and hoping that he never has to interact with Dream or his associates again.

[on-a-lucky-tide]

As someone who wants to join the fandom more but it’s too scared to do so, I’m wondering how did you cultivated this community…? It’s so sweet to watch the way you talk to others and helping their works and such. How did you meet like…??? people ??? Like I always see you tagging the artists (ngl I found your blog because of Gomz) and I’d really want to learn, I’ve tried joining previous fandoms and it was always too competitive in some sense, like everyone was busy pushing their works for likes and retweets (maybe it’s more of a twitter thing)

Oh yeah. That's a Twitter thing. Twitter is a cesspit and I only go there for porn. The whole thing is set up to make people feel shite because people that feel shite scroll for longer/look at more adverts. Lock your account, bud. You'll feel a lot better.

But everywhere else? Gratitude and humility. Also, understanding what I wanted from fandom; a small community that hypes each other and encourages new people. Those are my bros (non-gendered). My Cakeshop Bros I found five years ago in fandom; they have slept in my spare bedroom, I've gone drinking, played boardgames, and we laid on the floor in London in a space art installation near Soho being weirdos drunk off our heads. Not just fandom friends now, friends for life.

When I first started posting for CoD, I was dead nervous as I'd been stung in a previous fandom. People took a chance on me as a new person; they reblogged my work with the sweetest tags. They hyped me. They took the time out of their day for a stranger, and they didn't have to. They coulda just read it and moved on. So, I said thank you in their inbox, or in their DMs. We started talking more, I was a bit weird and they vibed back. They are also good people. Genuinely. You mentioned Gomz; literally, so kind, so sweet. Deserves the world.

When I can, I make sure I hype them back; I wish I could do more but my job is absolute pig in terms of time. It's mock season (now over, woohoo) so I have a backlog of fics to catch up on - Nekro, Mikey, T, Oliv, Nikkie, Hexx, Gomz (who I deffo know have written), but there are probably more! I'll set a few hours aside over half term with a beer and crack on.

Also, I guarantee everyone is as nervous as you are. Everyone gets imposter syndrome. And also, everyone gets jealous. Jealousy is a natural human emotion that you need to process into something productive. "I'm jealous" = "this person is really fucking good, has worked hard, I'm gonna encourage them and learn from them because they clearly know their shit". Reframing rather than ignoring or letting it fester. They're just people after all and probably shitting themselves as much as I was.

I also guarantee you I am not everyone's cup of tea. And that's ok. Letting go of the burning desire to be liked by all, sometimes at the expense of my own bloody happiness and seeing it as a personal failing if I wasn't, was probably one of the most powerful things I did for myself over the last five years. The only thing I care about in regards to others is if I acted with integrity and kindness (not necessarily niceness). That's all I can control.

Sorry, mate. That came off as a bit of a rant! But uh, don't be scared. Keep reaching out. Be feral.