#being emotional. like genuinely i am so sorry to my friends i am so much to deal with and i know it's probably too much.
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genderqueerdykes · 2 days ago
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Do you have like, some nice words?
Like I’m just so tired of how constant tme/tma speak is on my dash. Posts about how transfems should leave friend groups of “tmes” because they will inevitably be bigots
Why are half the popular transfems on this site horribly transphobic in their own right the moment a transmasc dares exist in their vicinity
Sorry I’m basically just venting in your inbox, thank you for being a breath of fresh air
i'm sorry you're dealing with this. it's natural to be worn down by this behavior, it's literal transphobia and intersexism and people just don't seem to care.
the tme/tma (transmisogyny exempt/transmisogyny affected) binary doesn't work. the issue is that in real life, most queerphobes you come across are assuming you are a trans woman. the average person associates the concept of transness with transfemininity on average, unless they personally know some transmascs or trans men, or are one. it's very rare to find a stranger who gets it. every time i come out to a stranger, they immediately switch to she/her pronouns, call me ma'am/miss/girl/etc., and ask what my "real" name is. it's really weird
transmasculine invisibility is a genuine issue offline. certain pockets of the internet are obsessed with hating trans men but that doesn't mean that the vast majority of people in the offline world know a damn thing about any of this. i do not ever have anyone understand that i mean i'm transmasculine when i say im trans. as i'm transmasc and transfem i don't really challenge it, but it sucks that people have one assumption and one only.
it happens with other queers. i moved in with a bunch of perisex trans femmes and was dating one for a while and flirting with a few others. my other roommate was a perisex cis gay man. i was the only intersex person who was there at the time, and i think a very small handful of others were around regularly, so there was a high chance that people should've been pretty informed about the existence of intersex identities. i know some people who came around pretty often were intersex, at least from my memory
the second people found out about my physical anatomy, they switched how they treated me. everyone thought i had a penis for some reason? and were made wildly uncomfortable upon finding out about it. when i revealed that i'm intersex & genderqueer, and that i'm bigender: a trans man, and a trans woman all hell broke loose suddenly nobody knew what to think or feel or anything.
people honest to god just defaulted to misgendering me.
and treating me like i was stupid as fuck.
this was the hardest part. i was being treated like i was dumb as HELL and it frustrated me to no end.
my emotions were "too much". i kept getting told i was too needy or whiny or possessive or that i needed too much of sometimes time or that i was touching the wrong things around the house. i kept being criticized for moving objects that impacted an environment i was allowed to work at. i was criticized for organizing a bookshelf i was asked to organize. i was ridiculed and insulted. my roommate and a girl who was flirting with me questioned my dissociative identity disorder, which i have plenty of medical records spanning back to 2017 from various doctors in various states and hospitals showing my diagnostic history with dissociation and dissociative disorders, and he also questioned my schizophrenia when i have records dating back to 2015 showing my history with severe psychotic episodes and the development of schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type
i was no longer the arbiter of my own lived experience because everyone found out i didn't have a penis. i'm a vagina haver so i'm stupid. i'm dumb. i'm a cis woman. i'm faking. i'm not actually a man. well i am a man. i'm evil.
i'm breaking this silence on this garbage. it's time stop treating trans men and mascs this way. we're real people. we have real experiences. we are also being talked over. it really is possible to speak over us. it's happening right now. it doesn't need to. trans men talking about how we don't need to be seen this way isn't hurting trans women. we're being misgendered. we're being hurt by transandrophobic and misogynstic behavior. one does not need to hurt trans men in order to heal from one's own trauma with manhood. it won't help. it doesn't do anything
this is such a goddamn long ask but i wanted to thank you for this because your honesty and bluntness is what's needed right now. thank you to every trans man and transmasc speaking up about this right now. please feel free to send your own experiences with this because it's over. i'm not humoring it. i'm going to keep talking about it until people calm down and understand that conversations have multiple participants
i now more than ever want to actually focus on uplifting transmasculinity and trans men. i have been forcing myself to try to focus on a broader range of topics to avoid backlash but let's not start 2025 thinking we have to do this anymore. we literally don't. it's over. trans women are allowed to talk about the struggles we face. always and forever. but a trans man talking about their own experience is not an attack on you. and sometimes a trans man will give you criticism. and sometimes... you have to take it.
sometimes you have to take a trans man's criticism.
you really, really do.
and it's not the end of the world.
if a trans man tells you you're talking over them, you really should actually stop and step backwards and reassess what you said to them. you may have done it on accident. actually listen before you keep talking. if a trans man tells you they have a health condition, listen. don't participate in this behavior. there's literally no reason to think that trans men and mascs are too stupid to articulate our own experiences. it's ridiculous. that's how society treats women- you don't want to be treated that way! please don't do it to other people, especially people you view as women...
anyway i hope that this helps in any way. i'm just tired of this shit. i'm happy to start 2025 by completely and totally breaking the silence on transmasculine and trans male erasure. join me. we're not doing this shit anymore. we're starting this year off being more compassionate. we're starting off this year accepting that manhood isn't what has traumatized any of us, it's toxic masculinity, it's patriarchy, it's specific men. let's ditch this shit
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sweetsweetbumblebee · 1 year ago
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unrelated but i DO kinda feel guilty for my little crush for reasons i will not explain. but. yeah its wild over here tonight
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent
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kimsuyeon · 1 month ago
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shocking how i am how i am
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ilovettrpgs · 5 months ago
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i just realized that everything I ever have done and ever will do is because of the love I have for my friends and the fact that I want to ensure I can always find a way to make them happy because to me them being happy is all that matters when they are everything that my world matters and revolves around. There will never be anything more important to me than them because I love them like they're my own family, and I want to live and die for them
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piastappies · 1 year ago
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🔮 OPPOSITES ATTRACT
synopsis. a quiet slytherin and a loud gryffindor find themselves on a chilly evening, which results in something unexpected — at least for people around them. the oldest weasley’s daughter finds herself infatuated with nott’s only child and vice versa, even if their worlds seem so different, being apart just doesn’t feel right.
notes. theodore nott x weasley!reader. slightly sunshine x grumpy (pretend you’re a ginger if ur not). part 2 containing the date, thoughts?
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theodore nott never thought he would be given a chance to love and be loved, upon all the terrible mistakes he has made. and maybe it seemed silly for a sixteen years old to say, but with an upcoming war, he wasn’t so sure if he could live through it.
theodore nott never thought he would have someone to call his own, someone to help him, when times get tough or someone who would understand him wordlessly. to be fair, theodore nott never thought he deserved anything like that, so the surprise on his face, when he found someone who was involuntarily willing to be his person was enormous.
he was walking around the crowded streets of the city, the dim lighting allowing him to see muggles running around with different expression on every other face he has passed — some of them were happy, cheering the slowly creeping holiday on them, some of them were exhausted and/or angry, probably from trying to find a perfect gift for someone and failing. just watching them gave him some sort of comfort, he had never had to look for gifts too much, his father wasn’t keen on being all festive and christmas was just any other day. the exception itself was looking for presents for his friends, which never had troubled him so much he looked exhausted.
he was in his thoughts, when he felt like he collided with someone. his eyebrows were squinted as he looked down on the red-haired girl, whose face was all red, either from cold or embarrassment. though, there was something so familiar about the girl that made him study her face for a brief second, the tea stain on his unzipped jacket didn’t seem to bother him at all, not as much as the familiarity of the girl.
“oh my god, i am so sorry, sir.” she let out ashamed that she didn’t look where she was going and that she probably ruined someone’s evening with her no sugar, lemon tea. it was then, when the familiar girl finally gave up and looked at the person she rudely bumped into.
“nott?” her words weren’t coated with layers of disgust and regret that out of all the people in london that night, she bumped into theodore nott. her words had surprised and confused undertones, almost as if she didn’t mind seeing him there. now, he obviously recognized his attacker — y/n weasley, a girl he sits behind in history of magic, a twin sister of potter’s best friend, someone who should hate him with burning passion.
“are you alright?” redhead’s question took him off guard.
theo was expecting something else, like a mockery of the fact that he was walking amongst muggles without hexing them all. though to be honest, theodore never hated muggles, well, yeah, he said some stupid shit, when he was younger and he was far from proud, but it was the need to appease his father. he definitely didn’t expect to see the worried manner in her, her brows scrunched as she tried to read his emotions, while standing in front of him in silence.
“theo…?” repeated y/n. he wasn’t alright and he didn’t know if he should show it. for merlin’s sake, he really wanted to get so much things out of his system, but venting to a weasley? he knew better than that — she would probably go around, and spread out the word about everything she heard from him.
nott was about to mumble something in response, when her eyes flickered with concern, demolishing all his justification why shouldn’t he talk to her for longer than needed. she was genuine, not caring that ron and harry weren’t on a good terms with him, she wanted to know, and help if possible.
so, theo simply gave up the act. “uh, no. not really.” he confessed, confirming all the suspicions she got to gather from observing him for a few minutes, when he thought of an answer. her expression changed from concerned to slightly sad, even.
before the boy could realize, he was sat in one of the small coffee shops beside her, a half empty, steamy cup of hot chocolate in his hands as they talked. something was so incredibly off about the way they conversed, first time in a while, he never wanted to conversation to end, just like when he was talking to his friends. his body itched at the thought that soon both of them would have to come to their respective houses and the talk would be just a memory that never happened again.
he had to admit that y/n’s presence was soothing. it was like the smell of a freshly printed new book, a cigarette on a foggy morning, a sensation of someone’s nails gently scratching the inside of his palm. the last one was a habit his mom developed to calm him down before she died, leaving him with an aching need for someone to find out about his perk and do it when he needs.
her muffled laughter filled his ears as he watched the girl cover her lips with a palm, he couldn’t help but smile. the gloomy atmosphere that he brought with his tiny vent was long gone, since she declared it her mission to make him feel better. so, since he wasn’t a big talker himself, she let him listen to all the stories from when she was growing up. even though he never experienced a family like hers, a family that cared for each other, it was comforting.
his eyes darted to the clock hung up on a wall, followed by hers and a long sigh that left his lips. his fingers ran through his curls as he parted his lips to bid goodbyes, though y/n was faster. “we could meet up here some other time, if you want.” she gave him a shy smile, the one he never thought he would see on her face.
y/n weasley wasn’t the shy type of girl, she was a big talker, a smart-ass with witty comebacks and a obnoxiously loud aura coating her small frame, though right now, upon his gaze that wandered around her face for quite some time now, she grew shyer.
“uh.” stuttered theo. “yeah, i guess it’s a good idea.” his reply made her smile go bigger, and in the back of his head, it felt like a reward for the decision he just made, some kind of reassurance that he did something good.
“perfect.” she grinned, taking the two of their cups and taking them to the shop’s kitchen, revealing that either she works there, or she’s just insanely crazy for barging into someone’s workplace as an unwanted stranger. “there’s a fireplace in the back.” weasley added, taking his hand in hers before he could even refuse (he wouldn’t though).
the tips of her long nails gently grazed his palm, when she led him the back, greeting a few of her coworkers. her touch on his skin ached, almost burnt, although if that’s what the insides of a normal, fireplace without floo powder felt like, he could grow to like it, only if a part of her body was pressed against his. few minutes later theo’s hand felt empty as he watched her disappear in green flames, having bid their goodbyes.
***
theo hated that feeling. this warm, strange feeling that coated his heart whenever he thought about the obnoxious gryffindor, who he met at those muggle streets. nevertheless, he found himself unable to think about someone else. he was replying to a letter pansy has sent him, and the only thing he had on his mind was y/n, he wondered if ginny told her about her little getaways with theo’s best friend, if all her brothers got back to their house, and — if she thought about him.
his hands throbbed. his fingers wrapped tightly around the quill, before putting it down on his deck. why on earth would he text her? it was one accidental meeting at some crowded street, one conversation that shouldn’t mean anything to them.
nott squeezed his eyes, the muscles on his face tensed as he focused on the paper in front of him, scribbling down a few words in his neat handwriting. a long sigh has left his lips, his eyes tracing the sentence he wrote for her. shit, why would he even do that? if any of his friends knew, he’d have been doomed — one weasley hanging around their friend group was enough, but he didn’t want to push draco nor blaise’s limits.
on a christmas’ eve, he went out for another walk, slightly hoping in the back of his mind that he’d accidentally bump into her again. this time, theodore would make sure to hear her laugh more often, to see her teeth, when she smiles or to watch as she gets shyer upon his gaze on her face.
his feet got him into a familiar looking café, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion — he couldn’t pinpoint from where he knew the place — and looked around. then, he heard it.
“theo!” a female voice rang in his ears. the boy turned his face, a smile slipping onto his lips as he realized where he was. the god damned café y/n was working at. “what can i get you?” a grin spread across her face, visibly delighted to see him there, almost as if she hoped for it.
her forearms laid on the counter as her body leaned a little closer, her hair pinned up in a ponytail that probably got ruined during her shift from running around the place, having a chat with each customer every now and then, a pinkish tint on her cheeks, maybe from the heat in the back or maybe, because he was there.
it took him a second to realize that he was staring with his mouth slightly parted. “uh—” he stuttered, getting a small, barely audiable giggle in response. “i just came to see you.” he blurted out. thank god his ears were covered by the beanie, because just by saying those six words got him all flustered.
“theo.” his name sounded so well coming from her. theodore wanted to hear it again, again, and again. it was melodic, like most beautiful song he’s ever heared. how could he get so whipped after one hangout?
“i hoped you’d come by.” she confessed shyly. “i have something for you in the back, could you give me five minutes? i gotta tell the manager i’m taking a break.” she beamed at him sweetly, rushing off to the back, taking off the green apron that hung on her waist in the meantime.
when she came back, she was still wearing the café’s shirt with a small, green logo, black jeans, and was carefully walking towards his table with a neatly wrapped package and on a top of that a plate with a big piece of some sort of chocolate cake, two drinks (the same as last time), and a cookie. her hair wasn’t in a ponytail anymore, ginger strands falling into her shoulders as she gave him the sweetest smile he’d ever seen.
“you– you got me something?” a question left theo’s mouth, leaving him all surprised — the strange feeling warming him up from the inside. he took a big sip of the hot chocolate in front of him, hardly minding that he burnt his tongue, he didn’t want to say anything stupid. “y/n, we talked once and you… got me something?” he asked once again, not believing his own eyes.
the girl just smiled wider, passing the box towards him. “uh. yeah.” she answered, shrugging. “last time, you said that you never really celebrated christmas the right way, so… please open it.” she tried explaing herself, but gave up at the end, pushing the box further with her fingertips. “please?”
shit.
if she didn’t ask, if she didn’t give him those eyes and that smile. maybe he would be able to refuse, think of some lame excuse that wouldn’t hurt her feelings and give her the box back. but y/n was so sweet, and thought of him hard enough to prepare him a gift.
for half a second, theodore could see something flicker in her eyes, when his lean fingers gently pulled the green ribbon, ripping the gift paper afterwards. the gift turned out to be a sweater, a hand-made one that made the feeling come back to him.
the sweater was dark green, in the similar shade of his tie or the snake symbol on his robes, it had a large, dark blue letter T with a silver outline. his eyes scanned the piece of clothing, the corner of his lips going slightly upwards. “you got me your mom’s iconic sweater?” asked theo.
his mind was filled with different thoughts and emotions right now. he could never call y/n weasley a sweet girl, not because it wasn’t true, but because it would be an understatement — she was the sweetest, or at least somewhere in that range. his cheeks almost hurt from smiling at her, and never in his life nott had felt it.
“actually…” her cheeks started getting a little more pinkish than usual. “it’s based on my mom’s sweaters, i did it on my own. it might not be perfect—" y/n started rambling in nervousness, afraid that the boy won’t be happy about getting a meaningless piece of fabric from her.
“y/n, i love it.” theodore’s words were like honey to y/n’s ears, she gave him a small smile, not really expecting him to gently grab her hand out of sudden. the reason behind it? even theo didn’t know (probably to ease her nerves).
when he realized what he did, he wanted to take his hand back and mutter a quiet apology, the crime scene awkward as much as only possible. although, from the corner of his eye, he noticed that the pink on her face intensified, few more minutes of skin-to-skin contact, and she would turn into a tomato, so his hand stayed on hers, taking the chance and intertwining their fingers together.
“would you– uh,” the redhead started, stumbling over her own words, easily losing focus, each time his thumb stroked her hand, a tiny smirk hovering over his lips. “like to, uh, come here once in a while, you know… until the break’s over? keep me company, maybe?”
and he did. how couldn’t he? this girl was constantly on his mind ever since she bumped into him on the streets and spent literal hours at the café.
although, beside just keeping her company during the winter break — but also at school. he grew so fond of her (and believe me, it worked both ways) that cutting their fresh friendship short was something he couldn’t let happen. so… even though her younger sister was already swaying her way into theodore’s friend group, y/n seemed like a different topic.
theodore nott liked sharing. as unbelievable as it sounds, he really did. whenever he had something he enjoyed, he was willing to share, he was the type of person to give away his last cigarette to one of his friends, but the thought of sharing y/n weasley never crossed his mind. he wanted her all to himself, so… their hangouts always contained just the two of them.
small study dates in the library, late night walks around the courtyard, meet-ups in the room of requirement, picnics in the astronomy tower, while smoking some pot and cigarettes together.
back then, it felt strictly platonic. even if they called it their little dates, nott had a feeling they weren’t moving past the friendship line, while his emotions towards the girl were getting more and more serious. nevertheless, theodore was confident, but not confident enough to ask her out — to confess his silly crush without the fear creeping up on him that y/n would reject him and turn his dreams into nightmares.
***
the weather outside was getting better with each day until spending time inside the castle was unbearable. it was around the time, theo decided to finally push his luck and ask the girl of his dream out. ever since he woke up, he was nervously fidgeting with everything that got to his hands and when then classes were to start, it only got worse.
“you alright, theo?” a whisper left y/n’s mouth as she stood next to him in potions, her elbow nudging him lightly, trying to catch his attention.
merlin. the way his name sounded so wonderful on her tongue. if it wasn’t for the small attention-grabber, he would definitely accidentally ignore the question to daydream about how sweetly her voice is.
“no, i mean– yes, yes i am.” he stuttered. “i just– can i ask you a question?” she nodded, making his stomach turn around. “would you, uh– like to go out to hogsmeade with me? like on a date?” the question left his lips.
his throat went dry as he waited years for an answer (which was actually just about two seconds, theo’s brain just got really dramatic from stress), legs giving up, so he had to lean his palms on the table.
“f’course.” weasley grinned, not minding the blush that spread all over her face, just from the ask. “i thought you’d never ask, really.” she giggled, turning her eyes away for a second, before flashing him another beam of hers.
nott’s face was now bright pink. “i– what?” he was struggling to form a logical sentence. “you wanted me to–?” the boy was supposed to finish his thought, though it didn’t really sit well with snape who interrupted their little talk, postponing it until the evening.
the two of them were walking somewhere outside, laughing about something so insignificant, when the situation from classes popped into his mind. “so… about that date. you really want to?” asked nott.
he expected any kind of answer — yes, no, maybe, you should guess, nah — whatever was only possible. however, the feeling of her lips on his wouldn’t cross his mind. she kissed him. y/n has kissed him, leaving him breathless, when she pulled away.
“does that answer your question?” redhead chuckled, her fingers still curled up against the collar of his white shirt. he shook his head, still mind-blown. “yes, theodore faustus nott, i was dying to hear you ask me out on a date. whatever we have between us, i wanted it to move forward and go on a date with you.”
she laughed. “you really think i’d spend hours crotcheting a sweater for a guy i met few days earlier if i didn’t feel something? theo, i almost passed out when you touched my hand months ago.” another laugh left her lips that were now so close to his, clouding his mind with one certain thing.
upon hearing all those words, the boy couldn’t stop himself anymore, he pressed his mouth against hers, savouring the moment. cherishing the fact that she wanted him like he wanted her.
“the date is still a thing, yeah?” y/n smiled as her nose brushed his.
“you’re gonna love it.” he answered, grinning.
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rosesareredrosa · 6 months ago
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So Obvious part 2
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Theo x fem reader
Summary: Y/n realizes her feelings and mistakes and now comes to Theo to apologize and slowly restart their friendship and maybe become something more.
w/c: 920
The days following Theodore's confrontation with Y/N were agonizingly slow. The weight of his confession hung over him, and the uncertainty of Y/N's response gnawed at his thoughts. He replayed their conversation over and over, wondering if he had been too harsh, too impulsive. His friends noticed the change in him, but they respected his need for space.
In the Ravenclaw common room, Y/N was equally tormented. Theodore’s words echoed in her mind, the raw pain and frustration in his voice a stark contrast to the calm demeanor she had always associated with him. She had always admired Theo’s quiet strength, his unwavering loyalty, and his subtle kindness. She had been so focused on her studies and her own world that she hadn’t seen what was right in front of her.
Determined to make things right, Y/N decided to find Theodore and talk to him again. She needed to understand his feelings better and share her own. She found him in the Slytherin common room, sitting by the fireplace, staring into the flames. Gathering her courage, she approached him.
"Theo, can we talk?" she asked softly, her voice tentative.
Theodore looked up, surprise and a flicker of hope crossing his features. He nodded, gesturing for her to sit down.
Y/N took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about what you said. About how you've been trying to show me how you feel. I’m sorry I didn’t see it. I was so caught up in my own world that I missed the signs."
Theodore's gaze softened slightly, but his expression remained guarded. "I didn't mean to be so harsh, Y/N. I just... I needed you to understand how much this has been affecting me."
Y/N nodded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I know, and I appreciate your honesty. I’ve been blind to what was right in front of me. But now that I know, I want you to know that I care about you too. More than I realized."
Theodore's heart ached at her words, a mix of relief and lingering pain. "You do?"
"Yes, Theo. I do," Y/N said, reaching out to take his hand. "I just didn't think you'd ever feel the same way about me. I thought you were just being a good friend."
Theodore squeezed her hand gently, a sad smile playing on his lips. "I’ve always felt more than that, Y/N. I’ve just been too scared to say it outright."
Y/N's eyes filled with regret. "I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to hide your feelings. I want to make it right, Theo. I want to try, if you're willing to give me a chance."
Theodore studied her for a moment, his emotions a turbulent mix of hope and hesitation. "It’s going to take time, Y/N. I’ve been hurt, and I need to trust that things will be different."
"I understand," Y/N said softly. "I’m willing to wait, and to show you that I care. You deserve that."
Theodore nodded, his heart swelling with a cautious optimism. "Alright. Let’s take it slow. We can figure this out together."
Over the next few weeks, Theodore and Y/N began to rebuild their relationship, taking tentative steps toward something more. They spent more time together, sharing their thoughts and feelings openly. It was a process of healing and rediscovery, and while it wasn’t always easy, it was worth it.
One evening, as they walked along the edge of the Black Lake, the setting sun casting a warm glow over the water, Y/N looked up at Theodore. "Thank you for giving us a chance, Theo."
Theodore smiled, a genuine warmth in his eyes. "I’m glad we’re trying. I’ve always been a fool for you, Y/N. And I think I’m okay with that."
Y/N laughed softly, leaning into him. "I think I am too."
As they stood there, watching the sun dip below the horizon, they both felt a sense of peace. It wasn’t the end of their journey, but a new beginning. For the first time in a long while, Theodore felt hopeful about the future, knowing that they were facing it together.
Days turned into weeks, and their bond grew stronger. Theodore found himself opening up in ways he had never imagined. The quiet moments they shared in the library, the walks by the Black Lake, and the late-night conversations in the common rooms all became precious memories.
One afternoon, while they were studying in the library, Y/N glanced up at Theo. “You know, Theo, I’ve been thinking about us.”
Theo looked up from his book, curiosity in his eyes. “What about us?”
Y/N smiled softly. “About how we started, how oblivious I was. I’ve come to realize how much you mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me.”
Theo reached out, taking her hand in his. “I’m glad you see it now. It’s been a long road, but I wouldn’t change a thing if it brought us here.”
Y/N’s eyes sparkled with emotion. “Me neither. I’m grateful for your patience, Theo. For everything.”
Theo leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “You’re worth it, Y/N. Every moment of doubt, every second of frustration. You’re worth it all.”
Y/N’s heart swelled with affection, and she leaned in closer, resting her head against his shoulder. They stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s presence, finding solace in the unspoken words between them.
In that moment, Theodore knew he was no longer a fool. He was simply a man in love, and that was more than enough.
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yeetfanficccc · 1 month ago
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How bout a dance? Wicked Boq x Reader
Authors note- bro 2 fics in 2 days who am I? Reader can be read as gender neutral. I wrote this in one sitting so sorry for any mistakes- enjoy fellow Boq simps (in this house we simp for the simp) AU where Nessa doesn't like him because that's too complicated my guy. Did I give this (Y/N) my kind of oblivious, a bit stupid personality? Yes.
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There he was again. Within the day Fiyero had been at Shiz University, everything seemed to change. Classes felt shorter as students slacked off, the library had books scattered every place a book shouldn’t be, and people were dancing, genuinely dancing, with glee. It was the most fun I’d had in years. I needed more
“He’s kind of cute isn’t he? That Fiyero.” It was a question, but it felt like the most obvious statement in the world. Literally everyone, boys, girls, probably Oz himself, found Fiyero attractive. He was a magnet sucking the world in, and I wanted a taste of what that was like. 
Next to me Boq, my first friend at Shiz, pouted, “I don’t get why everyone is freaking out so much. He’s just some guy.”
If I was being honest with myself, Boq was way more my type. Kinda shy, kinda nerdy, with freckled cheeks, unruly red hair, and a genuine smile. The type to make you feel special. But, I saw how he looked at Galinda, like she was the most beautiful person in the world. So, I resigned myself to the flirty, pipe dream Fiyero. It made me feel less sore inside. 
“Boq, I have a plan. A stupid, crazy plan.”
“You’re implying that all of your plans aren’t stupid and crazy.”
“Crazy I’ll give you,” I smiled, “but not stupid.”
His lip curled, “(Y/N), you thought it would be funny if we told people we liked their hat for a week when they weren’t wearing one just to see when they crumble.”
“The best thing you can take from someone is their reality, besides it was harmless.”
“One guy started crying by day 3.”
“To which I promptly apologized.” 
“Oz,” he laughed, that honey suckle laugh. The one I could never get out of my head. I shot my gaze away. “You’re impossible.”
“Do you want to hear the plan? Or should I find someone else?”
“No,” he shot so fast it sent me back a bit, “I’m your guy. I’ll do anything for you. We’re a team.”
I ignored the heat rising on my face, “you know how a bunch of people are going to the OzDust tonight?”
“Yeah…?”
“And you want to get Galinda’s attention?”
“I did. But now I don’t know. Things have changed.” He wouldn’t meet my eye when he said the last bit. I frowned. 
“If you’re worried about Fiyero don’t be. That’s my part of the plan.” 
“What do you mean?” 
“We pretend to be in love, so much so that everyone is jealous of how desirable we are. Fiyero and Galinda are the type that need the spotlight. So, they will each see us as their ticket back to the center of attention.”
“You want us…. to be in love?” homeboy looked dazed. 
“Only pretend of course! Just until our respective person sees how great we are.” 
“I don’t think this plan will work.”
“Do you not think we can convincingly be in love?” I questioned.
“No. We can do that.” And there went his eye contact, “I just don’t think we can convince Galinda and Fiyero to be with us.”
“Maybe you’re right. Sorry,” I deflated, “I was just really zoned out and this idea came to me”
“I’m not saying we shouldn’t try… for research.”
“Really! Boq you’d do that for me?”
“I’d do anything for you…” this time, his eyes meet mine. Brown, like fine Earth melted in amber. I felt a stir in my chest. No, too complicated. Fiyero is brainless, fun- way less emotional investment. That is, hoping this plan worked. Which I definitely wanted!
“See you tonight!” 
That night, the OzDust
The OzDust was more magnificent that I imagined. Music swirled in the air, as crowds huddled around a gleaming dancefloor. Every color of the rainbow, and then some, was fashioned into skirts, suits, and corsets moving in rhythm. 
Boq wore a red velet suit as I dawned blue. Opposites, that somehow end up together.
“(Y/N), you look so stunning,“ Boq grinned his smile lines even up to his eyes, “like a painting or something.” Damn he’s a good actor.
“And you are the most handsome munchkin boy I’ve ever seen.”   
“Just munchkin?”
“Okay fine. Most handsome boy, no superlatives!” I teased bopping his nose. This clearly surprised him, but he quickly went with it. 
“My angel” he leaned in to kiss my cheek. I nearly fainted, the heart palpitations were back with a vengeance. Do it for the bit (Y/N). Do it for the bit. “Am I doing a good job?” 
His whispered words made me remember this is all an act. But he had such a puppy dog smile, like all that mattered was pleasing me. Damn… no Fiyero think unobtainable Fiyero. 
“You’re doing great. But I don’t think we’ve gotten their attention yet. Permission to turn it up a notch? If this is making you uncomfortable though, we can stop.” 
“I’m not as shy as people think I am, not when I’m with you.”
“Well then, let’s dance.”
“Let’s” he reached out his hand. 
The song was upbeat, fluid. Boq took me in his arms and glided me around the dancefloor. I felt like I had wings and was zooming through the clouds. 
“Is this, okay? Am I dancing too fast?” Boq asked. 
“No, you’re perfect.”
“Well then, I’m turning it up.” He laughed, “get ready (Y/N) (L/N), we’re going turbo mode.”
His goofy smile turned to a devilishly handsome grin. He spun and held me to the song perfectly like it was a big, rehearsed dance number. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so alive, so free. And it was all because of him. Just then, the song turned more jazzy, low, seductive. The notes caressed my ears as I could feel Boq’s hot breath on my cheek.
He dipped me. Something within me snapped, I leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. Warm honey.  Once I realized what I did, I pulled away, 
“I’m so sorry. I got caught up in the moment.”
“(Y/N), I can’t keep lying to you. I like you, like a lot. I’m sorry if that ruins things but-“
“No. That ruins nothing. I like you, like a lot too.” My heart raced.
“But what about the plan?”
“It was a stupid and crazy plan. I only liked Fiyero because I needed a distraction. I haven’t even talked to him. I like you, this whole time I have.”
“Oh.” Boq blushed. It sent me to heaven.
“But I thought you liked Galinda. So, I didn’t think anything would happen with us.”
“I did. But then you came along and showed me I’m good as I am. You make me so happy.” 
“Boq, you are so sweet.”
“Can I be sweet… as your boyfriend?”
“Yes!” I shot, “please.”
“I’m sorry your plan didn’t work.” he placed a hand on my cheek, "you were so excited about it. It was really cute actually..."
“To be honest, I don’t think Galinda or Fiyero looked our way once. They were too busy with eachother… and themselves. It was a bad plan.”
"Or maybe you were secretly seducing me this whole time and playing mind games to make me jealous." Boq baited.
"Boq, I'm about as dull as brick when it comes to you how would I have found the sense to play mind games?"
"For the record, I was jealous when you wouldn't stop talking about how attractive Fiyero was."
"Now you now how I feel when you wouldn't shut up about Galinda when we first met!"
"It was a phase! A weird, weird phase."
“Well, I’m glad. Because now I have you. And you're stuck with me.” I gave him a light kiss on the cheek, he turned someone even redder.
"If you think I was kind of weird and obsessive about her, you have no idea how much I yapped about you whenever you weren't around."
"My handsome, silly Munchkin boy...."
We danced the rest of the night in each other’s arms, holding on to the joy in our hearts.
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bluriki · 1 year ago
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christmas special one ❄ snowy nights ﹫ lhs
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ꪆৎ — on a snowy night with you, heeseung decides to confess how much love he has for you ; pair best friend!heeseung x fem!reader ; genre fluff , f2l
your heart beats uncontrollably. being this close to heeseung shouldn't make you feel this nervous but it does. he shouldn't make you feel like your floating on clouds but he does. he makes you feel all things best friends shouldn't make you feel.
1 ) helps you bring in groceries , you're hearts a fluttering mess 2 ) says the most random joke , you're laughing genuinely 3 ) he's staring at you , fire is on your cheeks
so now, you're in each others arms, slow dancing in the snow. it was heeseungs idea, saying it would be so fun to play and dance in the snow. the sun had gone down but the snowflakes were still falling.
soft music was playing from heeseung's phone as you swayed back and forth. you accidentally stepped on his foot causing him to groan. "sorry! i-i'm not good at dancing." you apologized quickly, feeling embarrassed.
"it's okay." you looked up with a smile on your face but the smile got wiped right off when you realized how close you really were to heeseung. his eyes never left yours as he held you close.
"you're really pretty." he whispered softly. your heart pounded in your chest. so hard you though it was gonna come out. but of course you tried playing it cool. "thanks but i already knew that."
heeseung snickered. "did you?" you nodded, trying to mask all the emotions that are flying around in your heart. "did you know you're loved?" you tilted your head in confusion. loved? well yeah, you know you were loved but what was he getting too?
"did you know i love you?" heeseung whispered as if he just wanted you to hear. your heart pounded once again, but this time you were sure he heard it.
"did you know how much i've dreamt of being by your side all day, everyday? did you know that i wanted to put a mistletoe on my door frame so when you come over i could steal a peck? you're lucky sunghoon convinced me not to."
"did you know why i arranged to dance with you while it snow? answer is because im romantic —"
he winked causing you to blush.
"but it's also because i love you. literally more than anyone could imagine. more than sunghoon could imagine and believe me he hears about it all the time. sometimes at 3 am. but that's because you're on my mind every single day, hour, minute, second. i love you so much it hurts that i cant confess to you, but it looks like it just did."
you were speechless. you didn't know what to say. it was like he read your mind because you had felt everything he felt. possibly even more.
"i love you too." you whispered. your mind was a mess. no words could really describe you how your felt this very moment, but one thing was for sure, you love heeseung too.
"i really do." you add on. you were still in his arms, looking as fragile as ever. so many things you wanted to say but only three words could really describe how your felt. "i love you."
heeseungs smiled. his eyes sparkled in the night as you told him you felt the same. your confession wasnt as great at his but it was perfect to him. more perfect than he could ever imagine.
"you know, i ran this scene through my mindso many times but it's way better than i thought."
you giggle and lean closer to his chest. "i'm glad you confessed first." he smiled and held you closer. the chill of the night fell in and it was time to go home.
"do me a favor and put that mistletoe up when you get home." you whispered against his shoulder. heeseung laughed, kissing your cheek softly.
🎬 노트 && . special thanks to yena ( @in2fly ) for giving me this idea when i was stuck!! i love you saur much!!
🧷 perm tl && . send ask or comment to be added
📋 series tl && . @in2fly @reader69sviewpoint @nhularin
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recurring-polynya · 29 days ago
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Sorry if you have been asked this before but I was wondering is there some reason why Kubo never really showed too much regarding Rukia’s feelings towards Renji ? It’s not only her but even Gin & Ichigo with Rangiku & Orihime !! Like he gives enough so people can sense something but he doesn’t give a lot away. Is it about interpretation or he just simply doesn’t want to write romance too deeply ??
Kubo has said quite plainly that he doesn't want to put romance at the forefront. I think he's said this various times in various ways, but here's a pretty definitive quote from an interview he gave at the 2018 San Diego Comicon:
Q: Speaking of Ichigo's relationships with his friends, there seems to be a love triangle between Ichigo, Rukia, and Orihime. Do you delve more into this in later volumes? A. Tite Kubo: (laughs) I get asked about that a lot! I don't want to make Bleach into a love story because there are much more exciting things about their personalities and things that they can do instead of getting into the romance aspect of their relationships.
Kubo's answers are sometimes a little cheeky, but I don't see any reason to read this as anything other than face value. He may have had additional reasons to leave romance out of the story--it's a shounen and he didn't think that stuff would be of interest to the core of his readers, he didn't want to deal with angry ship opinions, etc, etc, but the long and short of it is the guy said "this is not a kissing story" and it's not.
Not to get too nitpicky--this was an interview, there's some degree of translation involved--but I actually find this kind of funny because while I agree that it's not a romance, I would *absolutely* classify Bleach as a love story. Bleach is about 600 love stories. It's about the love between a boy and his precious friends, the love between big brothers and little sisters, about the love between captains and lieutenants, about love that can only be expressed in battle, about love that turns poisonous and corrupts, about love that saves and purifies, about a love for the world you live in and want, with all your heart to make better. And while it's not a romance, I think it is about romantic love as well.
So, even though that's the real reason, I think it is also perfectly in-character for Rukia to act the way she does and I want to yap about it. I can tell right now this is gonna get long, so I am going to put it under a cut.
Just to get it out of the way up-front, I will briefly cover the other characters you mentioned. Both of this could easily merit their own essay, but I want to talk about Rukia, so I'm gonna keep it brief.
My interpretation on Gin and Rangiku is that they were not on romantic terms at any point of the canon timeline. My guess is that when she made it to the Academy and caught up with him again, it very quickly became obvious that he was no longer being genuine with her, and I think she cut him off. He is on a mission for revenge; she doesn't understand why he acts the way he does and distances herself from it. That being said, I (and I think many people?) find their parting scenes to be deeply, tragically romantic. I think this depends on your definition of "romantic." It never would have worked. He ruined it. If he had lived, it would change nothing. But Othello loved Desdemona, too. A story being a tragedy doesn't preclude it being a love story.
Ichigo is a teenage boy with a heart the size of three worlds. I think the amount of emotion he would like to leak out of his body is zero. I think the amount of emotion that does leak out of his body is so high that the signal-to-noise ratio makes it very difficult to determine discern anything meaningful. My reading of Bleach is that he does have special feelings for Orihime and that they are a slightly different flavor than he has for other people, but it's super hard to tell because he makes the same loving puppy eyes at Chad and Uryuu and Renji and Grimmjow. This guy is constantly torn between loving everyone he knows with the luminosity of a small star and trying to act too cool for school. Also, he's very young. He's still figuring this out, too.
Okay! Let's talk about Rukia!!!
The thing about Rukia is that she is really, really uncomfortable expressing affection. In the flashback scenes where she talks about how much she admired Kaien and Miyako, she's shown standing far away and looking at them from a great distance. When Byakuya compliments her bankai, she squeezes her eyes shut and has to look away.
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Ukitake comments at how remarkably "open" he finds her to be with Orihime, even though what they are actually doing is training. You want to see a love confession? Here's Rukia's love confession to Orihime from We Do (Knot) Always Love You (Renji is here, too):
Feeling a little shy and fidgety, Rukia hesitated a few times as she replied to Orihime. "Th-that's because, Inoue I consider you……my……b-best girl-friend! So therefore……I thought…I should tell you first……" She spoke as her last few words became a little mumbled. "……your face is redder than the time I asked you to marry me ya know." "Sh-shut up!!"
A thing I really like about this though, is that while it is portrayed as something that sometimes holds Rukia back in her relationship, it's not portrayed as some sort of fatal flaw. She's a private person, and that's ok. This isn't a quality we often get to see female characters have. If this were a romance story, maybe we'd have to see her overcome this, but it's not! It's an action story and Rukia is a cool and stoic character, which is exactly how she wants to be!
I'm always pounding my shoe on the table over this, but I really, genuinely think that a significant chunk of Renji's character/personality design was specifically to be Rukia's love interest, which I think is based as Hell of him. He's good-looking, he's cool, he's devoted to her, he's powerful along the rules of the worldbuilding, but not in a way that overshadows her. And he meets her where she is.
The scene where Renji carries Rukia down the 8,000 flights of Soukyoku Hill stairs is, in my opinion, the most romantic scene in all of literature. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Rukia is so upset about being rescued, she is cannot stand the fact that anyone cares about her, or worse, that they would risk themselves for her. It's so clear that Renji understands this, and in the gentlest possible terms, asks her to accept his (and Ichigo's) help, as if she has any say in it at this point. He doesn't even make eye contact as he very obliquely says Let us care about you.
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This causes Rukia, the most repressed woman in the universe, to hunch in on herself so that he can't see her cry and then he tells her to shut up. I am making little graspy hands at my computer as I write this. This is so good. Imagine. Imagine someone understanding you so well that they would spare you from your own emotions in this way. I am going insane.
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This is not a Hallmark Christmas movie. This is a love story for those of us who struggle to connect with others.
I want to kind of hop out and say that I think there's a certain kind of person (me), who gets interested in romances almost exclusively from stories that have little-to-no romantic content. This is not an accident. For me, this is how I like it. I want to read about characters who save the world and I want them to be very business-up-front about it. I mean, yeah, I wouldn't mind if they kissed on screen once, but I don't need it. I have an imagination for that. I have fanfiction for that. I literally want them to do it on their own time. You know what's romantic to me? Meaningful looks. Backing each other up. Fighting in synch. Matching outfits. This is romance to me, and I think Rukia might actually agree with me.
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This isn't to say that this is all of Rukia and Renji's relationship. I think they have talked about feelings, I think they've probably held hands and kissed or whatever, but where and when and how it happened is their own business. I think Renji probably wouldn't have minded getting on on-panel smooch, but this feels exactly how I think Rukia would want her relationship portrayed: We looked very cool and then, several years later, we were married.
Oh, and they also very much did get the horniest panels in all of Bleach, which, weirdly enough, I think Rukia would also approve of.
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arahdow · 9 months ago
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SHY AROUND YOU
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Pairing. Knuckles x reader
Content. fem!reader. lil angst, hurt-comfort, knuckles having trouble with his emotions. kissing but nothing too sensual or anything.
Word count. 1.3 k
A/N. Not beta read, we die like men. Also, again, sorry if it's too occ! I had the time of my life writing this sjdjs (it's 4:51 am atm send help)
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At the distance, you could see the echidna and the bat talking to each other. Rogue was smiling and occasionally pushing his shoulder, a playful glint on her lips, as he seemed to not mind her closeness. You frowned at their interaction.
It wasn’t the first time it happened, it actually became a usual thing. Rogue speaking with Knuckles about her life, him telling her stories about his past, like old time friends. He always said she was his best friend, even before you two met. It was sweet at first, knowing he had such a reliable someone to hold on to. But not right now. Right now you were fuming.
You and Knuckles have been a couple since a couple of months, both of you getting used to each other’s mannerisms and habits, it was something you really treasured as you spent a good year or maybe more, trying to open your way into his heart. In the end, he let you build a little nest in his mind, as he kept thinking more and more of you every day, and not the typical worry, no, it was something beyond that. Something that wanted you close to him at all times. To protect you when he was around, and if he wasn't you were in his thoughts until he sees you again.
So, with a lot of effort and patience, he explained his feelings and you ended up catching on what he was talking about. Needless to say, you spent the whole evening together, speaking about deeper topics and stuff. It was such a sweet memory.
But it’s been days, even a few weeks since the last time he has kissed you. At first it was fine, you were busy with tasks around the island, and Knuckles was busy guarding the emerald, you barely saw each other and you were okay with that. You knew it was a temporary thing and there was nothing to worry about.
Even then, the thing that made your heart grieve in the worst way was how shy and reserved he became since you don’t spend much time together anymore.
It’s like you returned to base one again.
You were sad, of course, worried. And even then you showed empathy, knowing he needed space and maybe time to grow closer to you again. But seeing him right now being his extroverted self with Rogue ticked you in a bad way. He seemed genuinely happy. He laughed at her comments and didn’t seem to mind her hand touching him. It made your blood boil.
Standing from the beach chair you were sitting on, you started walking towards your shared home. The whole crew went to the beach to rest for a bit after the week’s activities, and you thought it was a good idea to try and make an advance on your boyfriend. But right now, you were just pissed off and wanted to sleep the anger away.
As you entered your home, the first thing you saw was two rocks on the top counter. It was the two rocks you both chose as a token from the day you both became lovers. One was a reddish stone with white undertones and the other was a shimmering one. It made your eyes sting just remembering how nice those times were. It was hard noticing how sad times got.
Getting close to the rocks, you took the reddish one, that symbolized Knuckles, and felt your eyes water. Your emotions were caught red handed when you felt a presence behind you. Wiping the few tears away, you left the rock on it’s place and started to go to your room, when a big hand stopped you, holding you from your forearm.
You whined a bit, not because of pain, but because you missed his touch more than ever and this is the first time he has touched you in days. It was pathetic.
“What’s wrong?” You heard his low voice, and something inside you stirred. Oh you were so in love with the oblivious echidna and there was nothing you could do about it.
“Nothing…” The voice came out in a thread. You winced listening how broken you sounded.
“You left, why?”
And you wanted to punch him so bad right then and there, but you knew better. He was so muscular, your hand would hurt first than his body if you were to punch him. Shaking your head, you looked at him in the eye. “What’s the matter with you?”
He looked at you confused. “Me?”
You choked on a humorless laugh. “Yeah, you seemed pretty occupied with Rogue, I didn’t want to intrude…”
“What’s this about?”
A groan left your throat. Time to let it all out. “Knuckles you’re not the same. You haven’t been the same. You’re not the guy I wanted to be with a few days ago.” You started to breathe fast. “You’ve changed. You feel like you don’t love me anymore. You don’t say it, you don’t show it, and I can’t handle that kind of treatment..."
Taking a deep breath, you continued, speaking fast and breathy. "What do you think it feels when other girl can have all of your loving self and not me?" The air was soon leaving your lungs making you feel like burning. Choking on a sob you didn’t know was there, you continued. “I’m sorry, but there’s space for one girl inside of your heart and if it’s not me then, what are we doing?”
The echidna stood there, motionless, and you didn’t know if it was a good signal. You thought he wanted space.
Trying to leave, you yanked your arm. But it was no use, he had such a strong grip on you. Looking at the floor, he seemed deep in thought. He pressed his lips, motionless. His breathing was easy and calculated. Almost too calm.
“I don’t…” He started, then shaking his head. “I’d never…” His eyes met yours. “I… Don’t… Why…” His body seemed composed, but in his eyes, you saw fear. And the tremor in his voice confirmed that he was scared. Of losing you, perhaps. “I don’t know what to do…” He said rapidly.
You sighed, walking slowly to the couch on the living room making him follow with short steps. When both of you were close, you sat down and made him mirror your actions.
“Knux…”
“I don’t know how to make it better, help me, how can I…” He looked at the floor with furrowed eyebrows.
“First of all, don’t be so hard on yourself.” You said, breathing in slowly, trying to make him follow your inhaling and exhaling. “Second, tell me how are you feeling, what are you feeling?”
Silence reigned between the two of you. The only thing to be heard was both of your breathing.
“I feel bad. I feel angry, and sad, and like the worst boyfriend…” He said with an annoyed grunt.
“Now, what would be good thing to say?” You ask. It was like a mechanical thing, but it always helped him with his unknown emotions. And he loved you for understanding him and helping him even in these moments.
Knuckles turned a bit and took both your hands, he kissed them and sighed. “I’m sorry, darling.” He looked down. “Rogue is just a friend, I always see her as my big sister, helping me with things regarding of our relationship… But I didn’t think how that might’ve looked from your perspective.” He pouted a bit making you smile lightly, suddenly your mind imagining a lost Knuckles asking Rogue for dating advice.
“You ask her about us?”
“Of course!” he exclaimed. “I wanted to know how to make a special dinner for us, you know, it's gonna be our anniversary soon… It was a surprise but it wouldn’t be fun if you break up with me before I can even start to plan it.” He said sheepishly.
A smile broke into your lips. “You’re so silly, but also cute.” you said, holding a hand out to caress the fur on his cheeks. “We can plan it together!”
“But what about the surprise? Rogue said it was indispensable to have a surprise on a special dinner.” The echidna complained.
You thought. “Well, we can give each other a special gift, what about that?”
Knuckles thought for a bit before he nodded. “Agreed!”
Both of you smiled at each other. One of his hands traveled to your cheek, caressing the skin under his covered palm. Looking at him lovingly, you kissed the inside of his palm, trying to convey your feelings with your lips.
He seemed deep in thought, when suddenly his hand cupped your cheek firmly and started pulling you towards him. His face coming close to yours, watching intently at your sparkling eyes. With a swift movement, you got closer and cut the space in between the two of you, kissing his lips.
The echidna gasped lightly in between the kiss but soon reciprocated sweetly.
The kiss was brief. You pulled away and he looked at you enamoured. "I feel my stomach fuzzy."
Giggling at his words, you nuzzled on his chest fur and smiled. "I missed kissing you too, Knux."
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mxshifter · 5 months ago
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🌿 shifting motivation
"a change of circumstance happens as a result of a change in your state of consciousness"
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this post isn't just for a group of people who feel they need motivation but to reaffirm the idea that shifting is as simple or as hard as you make it! (sorry for any typos, i wrote this late at night)
an important thing to mention is the fact that i have a claddagh ring and they have a specific meaning when flipped one way or the other. i'm in a relationship so i have my claddagh upright, remember that!
yesterday i went to sleep without intending to shift but just filled with so much happiness from the really good day i had along with the extreme exhaustion i was feeling from being outside all day. i had a different mindset from the past few months. i felt happy and like i could genuinely do anything! something that was also different was my mind was completely silent which was much appreciated as thoughts flooding through my mind when i was just intending to sleep, had always been a problem. the entire day i had been surrounded with so much life as it had spread to me and my mind.
i went to sleep and woke up, went to go shower, and then i saw my hand. my claddagh ring was reversed. now, i am someone who constantly fidgets with my bracelets and rings, pushing them down and spinning them for sensory stimulation but i HAVE NEVER flipped my claddagh the opposite way solely because i know the meaning behind it. plus the fact that i went to bed with my claddagh upright so it doesn't make any sense that i could've taken off my ring, flipped it in the opposite direction, and then put it back on my finger IN MY SLEEP. based on all of this, i assumed that i shifted to a parallel CR!
also, shifting to parallel CRs and DRs on accident or without intention has ALWAYS been a thing in my journey, from the beginning to now. when i first learned about shifting, i had accidentally shifted as early as 2 weeks after learning about shifting. keep in mind, this was also before i had started to HEAVILYYY consume shifttok content. this is NOT to say consuming that content "makes you unable to shift" but it is to say that, at least for me, it really harmed my mindset because i was just filled with so many other ideas that really killed my spark for a long time.
after i had told my shifter friends about my experience, i was scrolling on tiktok and saw a tarot reading talking about the multitude of ways i have at my disposal to be able to shift, to be open and lean into them, to not limit myself in my mindset/be hard on myself and my abilities, the recognition of how much work i've put in, advising the release of emotional frustration surrounding my journey because it is hindering my progress, that the period of "will i, won't i shift? has come to an end and that the foundation for success is being laid, finally being able to take the reigns of my journey, and to overall not limit myself and taking charge of my journey. this reading really resonated with me especially considering when i saw it i was starting to fall into the same trap i had always fallen into; doubting myself and my experiences.
ALL of this is to say that you can shift no matter what. you can shift if you're laying on your stomach, back, in the starfish pose, upside down, sitting crisscross applesauce, through meditation, through intention, through listening to music, through dreams, LITERALLY ANYTHING!!! if you're doubting yourself or just feel discouraged, just know that you are limitless. you are powerful. you can and will shift!
(leaf divider)
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gayfanservice · 4 months ago
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Kei with a male reader. figure their on the debate club or something and Kei vents to them because their a non biased person regarding volleyball and his team. Figure they give encouragement and kei just bluntly asks them out.
Guess who’s back (back again) I am back! (Once again)
Friends to lovers, i dont know anything about debating
*********
“-and that tiny-ass-mother-”
“Too strong, Kei, try to keep the emotions at an even level so it doesn’t cloud your judgement.”
“Huh? I’m not debating this, he’s tiny!” Kei huffed, cheeks pink and puffed ever so slightly as (Y/N) chuckled.
“Right, sorry, continue.”
Kei was currently flopped on (Y/N)’s bed, who was sitting at his desk, a notepad and pen in hand, looking like a therapist.
“He’s so annoying. We’re doing basic drills and these two just keep arguing! They argue about this, they argue about that! All they do is argue!” His hands dramatically extended to the air.
“Mhm, and how does that make you feel?” Kei sighed at his friend’s poor attempt to be funny, who found it just a little funny to fuck with him. If Kei didn’t like him so much, he would’ve kicked his ass for not taking this outrageous news to heart.
“Awful, because after practice I came here only to have your ass joking about my suffering.” There was obviously no malice behind the words; a playful undertone was hanging from them as his heart sped up. He huffed, again, and rolled to his side, cheeks turning more red, “If you were there, you’d understand.”
“Maybe, the only teammate of yours I know is Yamaguchi.” (Y/N) continued writing in the notepad for a few seconds. “Do you know why they fight?”
“‘Cause they’re stupid.” Kei snorted out, a proud look on his face as he rolled onto his back. “And immature, can’t forget that part.” He heard his friend hum, acknowledging his words. “But, you have no idea how much that twerp gets me so… angry! Genuinely, he’s the most annoying guy I know!”
“Have the captains-”
“Captain, technically there’s just one captain.”
“Just gonna down-play one, got it.” (Y/N) grinned, “Has the captain and co-captain, or whatever term you guys use, talked to them?”
Remembering how the two were literally thrown out because they couldn’t get along with each other, Kei bursted into a short, obnoxiously loud laugh, “You have no idea, they literally kicked them out of the gym until they could get along!”
Surprise was evident on (Y/N)’s face, “Wow, that, uh, yeah, that is a pretty intense hatred.”
Kei let out a long, exasperated sigh. “I can’t deal with those two, I swear.” He mumbled, rubbing his face, glasses pushed up to his forehead. “Thanks for letting me rant, without much interruption of course.”
“No prob, dog-”
“Gross.” If only he didn’t like this debating nerd.
“It’s always good to get stuff off your chest.”
“Is that way you joined the debate club?”
“No, I just like telling people they’re wrong.”
“I- that happens? I thought… actually, I don’t know what I thought.” (Y/N) cackled as he continued writing. Kei’s heart swelled at the noise, staring at the faint outlines of those glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, no doubt that (Y/N) had since childhood. He sighed obnoxiously loud, again, “What am I gonna doooo,”
“Well you could quit-”
“No?” Kei scoffed at the audacity of this man to even think he’d quit volleyball because of those two dumbasses.
“-or you can tough it out. Just because they don’t get along now, doesn’t mean they never will. I bet in a couple weeks they’ll tolerate each other and stop being annoying.” The emotionally intelligent one said, still writing in the notepad.
“Yeah, I will.” As if he wasn’t already doing that.
The two sat in silence, for only a couple minutes. Kei went onto his phone, scrolling through whatever app was available to him. His face was still warm, heart still faster than normal. He liked the other boy for quite some time now, but he never had the guts to actually say anything. Hell, Kei wasn’t even sure if (Y/N) even liked him as a friend, but at this point it’d be awkward if he didn’t, so he assumes yes.
Kei took a deep breath, heart pounding faster and face turning red as he sat up, phone discarded to the side. Might as well confess after spilling your hateful guts, right?
“(Y/N),” He got a hum as said boy stopped writing, making eye contact with a red Kei, “Wanna go out with me?”
(Y/N) froze, the bluntness and randomness completely taken him by surprise. He felt his face heat up and tried to keep his composure, “Wow, very blunt and straight forward, never expected less from you, Tsukki.” He grinned.
“Oh, fuck you.” (Y/N) laughed as Kei deadpanned, not fond of how his friend called him by his childish nickname. “Statement: retracted.” He crossed his arms and tilted his head.
“Wait- no- Kei, I’m sorry!” (Y/N) snorted, amused by Kei’s childish actions, “I’m sorry, you just took me by surprise and I had to get you back! Yes, yes, I’ll date you, sourpuss.”
“Hm, I don’t know if you deserve it anymore.” A smile crept onto Kei’s face no matter how hard he tried to stay nonchalant. (Y/N)’s grin widened, setting the notepad and pencil down.
“Fine, you leave me no choice,” He held his hands up in a mock surrender, “I guess we’ll both just be single for the rest of our lives, forever craving the touch of one another.” He held a hand over his heart, almost tipping the chair over with how far he leaned back.
“God, you’re weird.” Kei feigned disgust at the display in front of him.
The two laughed as they finished whatever they just did, the afternoon sun casting a shadow into the dimly lit room.
(Y/N) got up from his spot, “So, are we dating?” He asked as he sat beside Kei.
Kei’s heart once again sped up at the closeness of the other, “Uhm, I don’t know,” he didn’t know why he was awkward now, perhaps his brain was occupied with how easily he could lay down and finally cuddle (Y/N) like he’s thought of for the past couple of months, or perhaps it just suddenly got really hot out of no where, “are we?”
(Y/N) pretended to think, putting a finger to his chin as he leaned on Kei, “Sure, why not?”
*********
It has been… awhile lol
Read the rules before following
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accirax · 4 months ago
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hey! i was wondering about eden’s emotional cg scenes with teruko at the end of ep14; if eden does happen to be the culprit, how would it affect her characterisation? personally, i can’t help but see it in a negative light, one which dampens her impact on arei, teruko and others with her ‘rational optimism’ and general kindness. if eden believed arei wanted to be friends with her, and was willing to reciprocate it, would eden really kill her in cold blood?? if her tears at the end of ep14 were genuine, would it go against her ultimately being the blackened?
tl:dr: how would you justify eden’s last moments at the end of ep14, if she were the culprit? it felt truly genuine to me, but i can’t help but notice her suspicious behaviour and inconsistencies in regards to the ch2 murder :(
(sorry, i’ve never done an ask before!! apologies if this is worded poorly.)
Can Eden Still Be the Culprit (Again)?
Haha, it figures that, even if I didn't choose to cover it in my Episode 14 Dissection, I'd still wind up analyzing what was going on in that scene anyways. Glad you're curious to hear my thoughts! (And don't worry, you phrased everything perfectly!)
The truth is, I didn't initially go over it because I wanted to post my thoughts on the day after the episode aired I, too, am somewhat confused as to how Eden could say all of that and still potentially be the blackened. However, as someone who still believes that Eden could be the blackened, it's probably a good idea if I figure out for myself what the hell this scene means in the context of DRDT at large if votes for Eden are close at hand. And potentially preempt some of the backlash that might arise if they are.
Just know that I, too, think that some of my points might be a bit of a stretch sometimes. We cool? Cool. Let's get analyzing.
SPOILERS for DRDT through Chapter 12 Episode 14, as well as Chapter 2 of THH and Chapter 1 of SDR2, and a WARNING that we will (obviously) be discussing Eden!culprit throughout this post.
For Eden's words and actions to make sense under the preconception that she is the killer, I think there are only three major roads you can take.
NUMBER ONE: EDEN IS A LYING, MANIPULATIVE, SCUMBAGGY PIECE OF SHIT
This option... is not great. Everybody agrees that it is not great. I hesitate to use the word "bad," because I think that people are way too hasty to call things "bad writing" (especially before they've even happened), but... I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty bad.
Basically, what it says on the tin. Just like David, Eden has actually been a liar and a manipulator the whole time. She doesn't actually believe anything she said about optimism or the power of friendship, and was 100% using that attitude the whole time to get everybody's guards down. A character like that would have no problem saying whatever the hell she needed to say in order to get others to pity and therefore not vote for her.
I don't like this one because it fully invalidates everything that we've seen from Eden so far. For someone like David-- or, say, Nagito-- even in the midst of their big heel turn, there are parts of their previous characterization that are still salvageable. Teruko caught David being a hater on literally Day 1, and it was easy to read into his outbursts of anger and insane nosiness to expect that his personality wasn't really as bright as his stars. Similarly, even if Hajime got along with Nagito, he was still sort of a creepy and off-putting guy, and everything about his love of hope stayed as strong as ever. For Eden to suddenly turn to the dark side would truly come out of nowhere. Other than... I don't know, liking to bake?, I don't think there are any aspects of Eden's former characterization that would remain. Not that her character would remain in the story for much longer, but, whatever.
I'm going to discount this option because I have faith in DRDTdev's writing, and I don't think he would suddenly want to abandon the Eden character he's been strongly developing over the past two chapters. Again, I refuse to call anything bad writing until the Chapter at least, if not the story as a whole, is wrapped up, but there's a reason why everyone's first instinct is to hate this idea.
NUMBER TWO: EDEN IS THE BLACKENED BUT DOESN'T KNOW IT
Basically, Eden is able to be so genuine because she either forgot or didn't know that she was the one to kill Arei, but we'll still be able to convict her in the end because all of the evidence points to her. How would this work? Well, sorastar6 came up with a theory that Eden might have killed Arei but blocked it out of her memory. It could also be something where, like, someone else put her up to it and she accidentally let go of the rope or whatever to kill Arei without realizing it. (That idea is loosely based off of a-student-out-of-time's theory of David manipulating Hu to kill J-dressed-as-Arei-- hopefully if they read this, they won't mind me using their theory as a logistical basis off of which to accuse Eden 😅)
However, I don't think either of these cases are particularly likely either. The murder method is so complicated and clearly premeditated that it would be really hard to trick someone into operating it without realizing it at all. And, if Eden killing Arei traumatized her so much that she lost multiple hours of memory then you'd think she'd just... not do it. I respect the hard work and creativity of both of these theorists, but I'll be passing on this option as well.
NUMBER THREE: EDEN FEELS REALLY, REALLY GUILTY ABOUT IT
Okay, so I maybe-sorta-lied: there are probably other ways that you could interpret Eden's emotional reactions to talking about Arei's death other than specifically her being guilty. However, given that guilt was already the justification I reached for the first Eden mini-breakdown in my Episode 13 Dissection, it may not come as a surprise that I'm staying on theme.
Before, I summarized that what Eden was saying to Levi was basically what she wanted to say or already said to herself. She knows that killing Arei was "wrong," so even though she thought it was the right thing to do, she wants to always remember Arei and acknowledge her faults as a form of penance. Also importantly, one facet of why Eden might be breaking down now is because (under the theory) she only learned that Arei truly wanted to change and be her friend in the Trial when David told her. It makes her feel extra guilty now knowing that she killed someone who wasn't just her bully, but someone who wanted to be better than that.
We're going to keep that rationale in mind as we now look through everything that Eden has to say at the end of Episode 14. The only thing of note that I will have to concede is that, even if Eden isn't a liar or a manipulator overall, any time she says anything along the lines of "I'm innocent!" or "I didn't kill Arei!", it has to be a boldface lie. Sorry, I don't like it either, but there's no way around it (outside of something like option 2). I otherwise want to claim that Eden is straight-up lying as little as possible, but this was kind of a gimme. But hey, that's why I have my doubts that any of this will turn out to be true as well.
Since this is its own post and not part of the Episode 14 Dissection, it means that I get 30 images to use on just this subject, hooray!
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This is certainly a softball to start this defense off on. Eden can just be confused/upset that her efforts to evade being the blackened aren't working all of a sudden.
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Similarly, this is just her rephrasing/challenging everyone's thoughts. Perhaps I should have cut out some of these beginning statements, but I'm always one for being thorough.
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Don't worry, this is the last of these three. I will note, though, something that I actually only noticed on this watch-through. I was aware that Teruko and David both had shots that only showed their mouths and torsos with their eyes obscured in this episode, but apparently, Eden has one too. Of course, this could go either way: these shots could be reserved for the "major players" of this chapter-- the protagonist, killer, and someone who's clearly getting extra focus-- or, it could be more of a protag/antag/support thing. Or maybe DRDTdev just decided to start using this for highly emotional scenes.
Well, given that I'm trying to throw Eden under the bus in this post, it's clearly the first of the three. Don't listen to any clowns (<- me) who might tell you otherwise. (/j)
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"Hold myself together" isn't as innocent-coded as it might seem on the surface. It seems pretty clear to me that Eden feels genuine sadness over Arei's passing no matter her role in Arei's death. However, being the blackened and having to keep a secret throughout the Trial might make coping with those emotions even more difficult. Fully breaking down in grief would be bad enough as an innocent, but as a blackened, it would basically be game over. Arei's death is the cause of her discomposure, which can still be equally true if she was the one to kill Arei.
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This is quite possibly the line that I have the hardest time justifying in the context of Eden being guilty. I could obviously just say that she's lying here, but as I said at the start, I want to call what Eden says lies as minimally as possible. So, what are our other options?
Nico said earlier this episode that attempting to kill Ace was "the worst choice that [they'd] made in [their] life," so it could be fitting for both of our killers this chapter to feel the same way. After seeing what it was like to kill Arei and have everyone suspect you, Eden decides that whatever her motive for killing was wasn't worth it in the end. However, now that she's in this situation, she still has to stick with her initial plan (unless she wants to just die on the spot) because she can't go back, no matter how hard she tries--
For DRDT to enter its third chapter with the cast at their most hostile and downtrodden but also only having one killer who did so accidentally and two killers who deeply regretted it would be very interesting indeed.
Alternatively (or perhaps in combination), this could also be Eden being somewhat of a pessimist. If you're a blackened, you're generally hoping/expecting that everyone other than you will die. However, only one person's death is actually guaranteed-- your victim's. (Or two people's deaths if you kill two people, but that's not important to this case.) In theory, Eden choosing to kill Arei in particular doesn't really matter, because if she won the Class Trial, Arei would die anyways. However, now that Teruko has accused Eden, reality might be setting in for Eden as her dreams of being the one to escape flit away. In that case, she may be regretting her choice to victimize Arei-- if she's going to die for her attempt, she might at least wish that Arei got to live over some others.
I think the first option is probably the best from a thematic perspective, although both options certainly have their counterarguments.
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Eden's (stellar) read on the "Why?" line definitely implies that she's frustrated, which could go either way. It's equally possible that she could be mad that people are suspecting her when she's innocent, or that she's upset that everyone is suddenly hounding her when she thought she was putting up a good front.
As for her leading question, if Eden is the killer, we've already seen her subtly mine for information at least once before. The conclusion of her last breakdown was her trying to ask David what really happened between him and Arei in the Relaxation Room. Now, asking this question might be intended to either shore up arguments she hopes to defend herself against, or force other people to "concede" that there are no reasons why Eden would have killed Arei. A bit of a dangerous gambit, but it's arguably more dangerous to have to come up with justifications about unknown arguments on the spot, especially when emotionally struggling.
Not gonna lie, though, the fact that she immediately followed up "why do you think I killed her" with "I cared about her!" also slants towards an innocent read. If you really were the culprit, I feel like you would start trying to argue against some of the solid evidence that people just presented (such as Levi bringing up the information required to write that note) with evidence of your own. Instead, Eden shoots straight for the emotional defense, even though no one was arguing that Eden never cared about Arei leading into this speech. (Arturo brings up her connection to Arei, but he never directly says it was because she didn't care.) It could speak to the fact that she was fully unprepared to be accused (because she didn't do it and had no idea about the tape).
However, Eden has always been a very emotional person, and it's possible that a big part of her intended defense was to say that she cared about Arei. Another interpretation is that Eden brought this up now because it's something she's insecure about. It sort of goes back to my idea that Eden is still desperately trying to cling to the idea that she's a "good person" despite her choice to kill. If that's true, the way that Eden is perceived as the killer might be very important to her. Like, obviously surviving the Trial itself is the most important thing, but Eden doesn't want anyone to misinterpret her as a monster on her path to the finish line.
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I already explained why this line was sus as hell to me:
This distinction-- between "Arei was my friend" and "Arei could have been my friend"-- could be very telling down the line. Eden pauses mid-tear-filled rant to distinguish that Arei is not her friend, not because she's dead, but because they hadn't reached that point yet. Arei is not Eden's friend in death. What can that possibly mean other than that Eden killed Arei?
This is one of the lines that makes me most think that she is the blackened in this monologue. Because, seriously, why would she not have just said "Arei was my friend!" if there wasn't any doubt in her mind?
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Alright, I think that about now is a good time for me to drop the thesis I've developed whilst reflecting on Eden's behavior and how to put all of the pieces together. Should I have said it earlier? Maybe, but where's the drama in that?
Basically, for starters, I don't think that Eden fully believed that Arei genuinely wanted to be her friend. As I've said before, Arei saving Eden from Arturo happened mere hours after Arei denounced her entire personality. It's super believable that Eden might think that Arei was just using her usual manipulative tricks to make Eden look like the fool again. However, despite all that, I don't think that Eden hated Arei, either. They were just in the exact same state that they were in before-- Arei as the bully and Eden as her target-- which Eden had never hated Arei for before. Eden wanted to help her and wanted to be friends with her, as she says in this screenshot, but that doesn't mean it could actually happen. Tragically, Eden determined that Arei wouldn't be able to change while being trapped in this killing game.
After that, Eden decides that she needs to kill to escape the school. The exact motives of which have puzzled Eden!culprit theorists for months, with current speculations still being that it may either have to do with her secret, the girl she kissed, or her family, who she told Levi she couldn't imagine living without. We've got time to cook on that in the post-Trial, if Eden is the killer. However, I also don't think that we should discount how scary the killing game has become.
Let's run through the events of Day 6 again, because it's a truly terrible day for Eden:
Eden wakes up in the morning and goes to rouse Teruko, who she has to blackmail in order to even get her to consider attending breakfast with the others. She tries to convince Teruko about the value of optimism, but Teruko only tells her that her worldview makes Teruko even less inclined to be her friend. Speaking of lack of friendship, Eden's chances at a peaceful breakfast-- which she had been hoping to use to bring everyone together-- are dashed when there are three separate shouting matches going on in the Dining Hall. Eden tries to assign her associates to break up the fights, but it goes terribly-- all she does is get Arturo and J mad at her, while Veronika only makes the situation between Ace and Nico worse.
After David's plan causes Charles (who has been making some of the most progress so far) to recall his traumatic past, Eden tries to invite Teruko and Arei to a fun event to brighten everyone's moods and right her wrongs of the past. Except that, when she does, Arei rejects her offer outright and brings up some of her biggest insecurities, causing Eden to run out of the room crying. Neither Teruko, who Eden has been trying super hard to befriend, nor David, who has (theoretically) been acting in the name of harmony and cooperation, run after her to offer her any comfort.
Despite David's lack of support, though, she still decides to support him by following his idea to let Arturo know about his secret. Trying to do so nearly costs her her life. She's just one unarmed 5'2" clockmaker against a clearly agitated 6'3" surgeon with a scalpel, and she's only saved by the bully who just said that Eden "utterly disgust[ed] her in every way." Arei now claims that she'd do anything for Eden, but is that just another setup through which Arei can make fun of her trusting nature in the future...? Eden wants to hope, but it's hard to do so when the person who just saved you was the one who told you you shouldn't.
Anyways, even despite a long afternoon of Nico being outed and a long night of being stalked by probably-Arturo, Eden is still trying to help Teruko pick up her clothes when she runs into Teruko in the Dress-Up Room. But since nothing can go right for Eden today, it's then when she and Teruko hear a loud noise, and they stumble upon Ace's body in the Gym-- the second murder attempt Eden has seen today. Nico is standing over Ace, really making it look like they killed him. Gosh, if only someone had been able to talk to the two of them this morning in a productive way, instead of making things worse. Thankfully, Ace is still alive, but less thankfully, he's now a convert to killing and wants to eliminate Nico. The day ends with Ace saying that this place is worse than death and Levi-- who Eden had just been praising for being kind and reliable-- giving up on his former friend.
Are you starting to see why Eden started planning murder and picked up the tape when she did?
Looking at it through that perspective, I don't even know if Eden needs a reason outside of the killing game to want to be the blackened and escape. If we can accept that Ace's motive would be to escape the situation in which he almost died, it feels like we should be able to acknowledge that Eden could be motivated by the exact same thing.
Obviously, it's harder to believe that Eden would kill than Ace, because Eden generally cares about everybody and Ace (other than Levi, once) didn't really like anyone. However, I, at least, don't think it would be totally narratively unsatisfying for Eden's reason for killing to be that her bandwidth for caring for others was overloaded, and with no one supporting her (and at least one party actively attacking her), her fears of the killing game got the better of her, if only just for a moment.
Getting back on track, Eden's terrible awful no good very bad day has inspired her to kill, but who does she take down as her victim? Well, as we've established before, if Eden wins, everyone will die anyways, so it's not like she's really "sparing anyone's life" by not killing them here. She's already made her peace with everyone as she knows them dying. And after that, despite the care she still has for Arei, she chooses Arei as her victim because of what Arei told her after Arturo attacked Eden. But, I'll reiterate, Eden doesn't hate Arei. Instead, Eden chooses Arei because she thinks Arei is the victim that will make her look the least suspicious.
Just because Eden doesn't believe that Arei really wanted to be her friend doesn't mean that other people won't. In fact, I think that Arturo would definitely believe that the two of them had turned over a new leaf. In this situation, Eden is aware that her best path to innocence is to play up her kindhearted personality in order to lead people to believe that she would never hurt a fly. Therefore, she decides to leave the note behind so that people will hear about the story of Arturo attacking her. In my Episode 14 dissection, I was spinning my wheels trying to figure out why Eden would possibly want anyone to find that note. However, this option would create a reason why Eden would want others to read the note. The mere fact that Arei decided to come to the Playground would serve as evidence that Arei really did care about Eden, and therefore make Eden seem more innocent. Maybe she overstepped a bit on revealing so much about Arturo's secret in the note, but given that everyone seems to believe that the killer overhearing the conversation was possible anyways, it's not a huge deal.
However, there is a contradiction here that you may have picked up on. Why would Eden count on using a note to draw Arei out to the Playground if she didn't believe that Arei would actually listen to her? I raise you a new idea: who says that note was actually real?
For those who believe that Eden isn't the killer, the thought that someone falsified writing that note isn't anything revolutionary. However, if other culprits could plant that note as a fake, who's to say that Eden didn't do the same?
I believe it was demodraws606 who recently raised the question of why Eden would even bother writing a note to Arei when she could have just gone up and knocked on her door. (Apologies, I tried to find the post in which they said that but I couldn't track it down 😔) That excellent question set off the domino chain that made me think... well, maybe she did.
Eden works through the night (14 hour shifts, baby) setting up the pieces of her murder contraption in the Playground and writing a fake note that she "sent" to Arei. However, instead of sending that note to Arei, she goes to Arei's room herself and knocks on her door at, like, 7 AM or something. Eden doesn't necessarily believe that Arei will answer, but, if she doesn't-- that's not the worst thing in the world, right? It's not like she's particularly pressed about the secrets deadline, and she left herself with enough time to put away her murder scheme if necessary. Unfortunate, but assuming that she lives another day, she can try again some other time. However, instead, Arei opens the door (because, unbeknownst to Arei, she really did want to be friends with Eden), sealing her fate.
This also opens the opportunity for the scene of knocking Arei out to be in the doorway of Arei's room, instead of in the Playground. I always wondered how the scuffs on the floor would be so contained to one area near the entrance to the Playground. Like, the whole rope setup must have been at least somewhat set up by the time Arei entered the Playground, right? If Arei saw that, why wouldn't she start running away? And, in the case of Eden as the culprit specifically, would she really be able to subdue Arei in such a small area? If Arei was knocked out in her room, we wouldn't be able to see any evidence of that happening, because no one searched her room. That also leaves open the opportunity for Eden to have tossed any items she used to knock out Arei into Arei's room, where no one would be able to find them. And, hell, let's rope the glove into this, too! If Arei was never even intending to get dressed up to the level of leaving her room, maybe she hadn't yet put on her glove when Eden taped her wrists! It's weak reasoning, but it's a reasoning, at least!
(Also, if you're wondering how the scuffs on the ground could have gotten there if Arei wasn't subdued in the Playground, sorastar6 also recently made a theory that the ground was actually scuffed up after the jugs broke and the turf became wet, and it was the killer walking through a puddle that messed up the ground.)
After that, yada yada, ropes and carousel, Arei dies, investigation, Class Trial.
Eden is trying her best to just lay low and survive the Class Trial, but a wrench is thrown her way when David reveals to her that, after she left the Playground, Arei confessed to David and Teruko that she actually wanted to change. This goes against everything that Eden thought. Part of her reason for murder was that no one was willing to work with her, and now she learns that she just killed the one person who actually was? That's terrible! It can't be! David, please tell me the rest of that story!!!
At this point, you might wonder why, if Eden feels horribly guilty about killing Arei and unsure of her former conviction that the best thing she could do would be to get out of here alive, she wouldn't just confess to the crime already. Beyond her desire to survive herself, I think it could be because she wants Arei's death to have meaning.
If Eden gives up, it means that she killed Arei for no reason. She made the huge, irreversible decision to kill Arei, and then decided to throw it away when things got tough. But she won't let herself brush away the deaths she caused just because it was inconvenient for her.
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She won't let her emotions take precedence over the harm that she caused.
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She has to acknowledge that Arei's death was her fault.
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Which means that, just like Min did, she has to fight like a proper blackened would if she wants to prove that she cared about enough Arei to believe that her life had meaning.
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And that's why Eden is so insistent that she didn't kill Arei because she hated her. She isn't someone who believed that Arei was fully incapable of change, and she still cared about Arei a lot. And so, she'll honor Arei's legacy by taking to heart what Arei said to her.
Those are my general thoughts on how to justify Eden's breakdown at the end of the episode-- although, obviously, we still have more to go. That awkward middle placement strikes again, huh? But, I do think it has its benefits, which is why I'm keeping it here. We get to balance some buildup before the point with the lens of seeing some of the dialogue after the point. Let's wrap up the rest of this a bit quicker, shall we?
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Since we're a while from the start, let me just issue a refresher that this post is assuming that every time Eden says "I didn't kill Arei" she is just lying. Yes, it assumes that Eden is willing to lie in a Class Trial, but I think that any 18 year old would be capable of pulling that off if their life was at stake, no matter how sweet they may seem.
This could also be another instance of Eden assessing the situation via asking a question.
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This line would be tying back to the assumption that Eden's main plan for getting away with the crime (other than possibly framing Nico with the murder method) was to pull the emotional defense that others wouldn't believe that she killed. The tears could still absolutely be borne of genuine fear, but the choice to reach for help from Teruko could be her planned fallback if things got dicey. If she is the killer, then the evidence should stack against her, meaning that "belief" is her best way out of receiving votes. This is her hail mary.
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"This trial has been cruel to me" is 100% right if she is the blackened who got jumpscared by knowing that Arei cared. After she initially acted against her instincts to kill for the sake of her life, she then has to face consequences that she didn't even think were possible, all while keeping a straight face. For whoever the killer is, can you imagine how stressful it must have been to have David extend the Trial for so much longer with his nonsense? (Mondo with Byakuya vibes in Ch2, honestly. The THH parallels never rest.)
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Again, we're saying "I didn't kill her" is a lie, while "I just wanted to help her" was the truth. Something more along the lines of "I just wanted to help Arei, but she seemingly rejected my every effort, so I killed her but without the knowledge that my help was actually getting through to her" is what we're aiming for here.
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I decided to combine these two together because I didn't have much to say about the first one on its own. One interesting thing to note here is what thebadjoe pointed out: Eden says that friends are supposed to help each other out, yet in Chapter 2 Episode 3, she was the one telling Teruko that relationships aren't transactional. What changed between now and then?
Well, this is much more in keeping with Arei's "that's what friends do" philosophy, which could either be a further indication that she was taking Arei's words to heart (for better or for worse) or that she's just desperate enough that she needs to count on Teruko in this moment if she wants to survive (again, whether genuinely innocent or guilty). It could mean nothing, but it could also be an indication of Eden's more manipulative side, if she's making an emotional argument that goes against her own philosophy just because she knows it'll strike a chord with Teruko.
(Of course, you can basically counterbalance this "inconsistency" with the one that one post (yet ANOTHER post I cannot fucking re-find) pointed out with Ace saying "I would never commit a murder of my own" with him previously saying that he was "about to commit a murder of his own" on Nico. They can't both be the killer unless something really weird is going on, so at least one of these "inconsistencies" has to mean nothing.)
Also, while I wouldn't go so far as to say that Eden is faking her tears over Arei (because that's clearly not true) there's also room for Eden to be crying here because she feels bad about manipulating Teruko, but as established before, still feels like she has to go through with it. Her acting doesn't have to be impeccable if the crying is covering up the crying she would already be doing.
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'Cause sometimes, the breaks you take in between sniffles can conceal the breaks you would be taking as you struggle to lie to Teruko's face! Hypothetically.
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"Please trust me, Teruko. You're my only hope."
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In this hypothetical, I think we have to assume that Eden is just genuinely surprised that the super-smart Teruko wasn't able to see through her act. It might come as a shock that the same Teruko who said that Eden's kindness made her want to stay farther away would now see Eden's pleading as a sign to protect her. (Another judgment of character that Eden made incorrectly.)
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And now, for the other hardest part to justify...
With the combination of the soft music (the same music that plays during the "kindness isn't weakness" scene, mind you) and the bokeh lights and the line deliveries and everything, this does feel like pretty convincing evidence that Eden is not the killer. But, if we're talking about the world in which she is, I do think that she still feels genuinely relieved here. The hug isn't directly manipulative, it's just thanking Teruko for giving her another shot at life.
Furthermore, it's a confirmation that, in Teruko's eyes, Eden still isn't a "bad person"-- at least not yet. Eden needs to continue believing that she's a good person with good ideas if she wants to have any hopes of fighting back against the cold and cruel world she was telling Teruko about. If she's become just as cold and cruel as the rest of them, then there's no way for her to be optimistic or kind, and therefore, no way to escape the grief that's haunting her. Eden has yet to learn that a good person is not gold, so that's the only world that she sees.
And, that's Eden's last line of the episode! Before we wrap up, though, I do want to talk about how Eden being the culprit would affect the story as a whole, as you touched upon that in your ask. Mainly, I want to talk about the big problem that many people have with Eden being the killer: what would happen to Teruko if it's proven that one of her closest allies is the killer again? We don't want a repeat of Chapter 1, but how do you avoid that after that hug?
As is my M.O., I'm here to argue that there are two ways you can make the situation different: by making it better or making it worse. In terms of making it better, I think that thefandomenchantress argued for it well in this post. If Eden's gotten her most desperate moment out of the way now, she might have room to be a bit more accepting in her final moments, and be able to reassure Teruko that just because she killed doesn't mean nobody is worthy of trust. In fact, Eden is so sad now because she didn't have enough trust in Arei, and look where that landed her! We could end Eden off on at least being happy that she and Arei were both able to change in the ways that the other wanted for them (Arei becoming more helpful and Eden becoming more responsible) and her being happy that at least the other students get to live.
On the other hand, you could make it worse. Venus-is-thinking and I have discussed together before how different Min and Eden's situations are, because while Min only really tried getting close to Teruko after her crime was already committed, Eden has been trying to become Teruko's friend for ages, before the idea to murder even crossed her mind. This death would be even more personal, as it can more so be argued that Teruko's lack of trust is part of what drove Eden to kill, whereas with Min, it was just that Teruko initially trusting Min opened her more up to hurt. You might argue that this would just cause Teruko to pull away even more harshly (which is still bad), but that's not necessarily the case. Maybe her breakdown this time drives her to get in people's faces so that they'll die even faster and she can rip the bandage off. Along those lines, maybe she'd even try to get closer to those she least trusts right now (like David) because clearly, her curse will cause those who she spends the most time with to die. The circumstances around Teruko have changed, which means that we can't expect the same sort of pressure to necessarily yield the same result.
As for your concerns about Eden's impact on Arei and genuine-seeming emotions, hopefully my main dissertation answers how I'd explain that ^_^
If you're wondering how I feel... well, despite everything that I wrote, I'm honestly kinda thinking that it's Ace at this point. Don't get me wrong, I think that the Eden read is still out there, but given how seemingly little time we have until the culprit is revealed, there may not be enough time to unpack anything close to this before the gavel comes down. Everyone keeps posting their polls about who people think is the killer, and I keep flip-flopping on whether I choose Eden or Ace as my answer. I wouldn't be surprised if either of them did it, except that--
Well, let's be honest. At this point, I'm going to be flabbergasted by whoever the culprit is, just because it's them.
Thank you for the ask, and see you on Friday!
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tsuutarr · 3 months ago
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So I may or may not be a little (aka a lot) charmed by all of your characters because, my dear, they are absolutely AMAZING and super charismatic!
and then I found myself wondering how they would react if their darlings got a little depressed about how miserable their social life has become... I mean, how do you manage to keep your mental health up with a total of ONE PERSON in your life?!
I was thinking about this because I'm Brazilian, and we are social creatures ya'know, we NEED other people to keep living and believe me, the pandemic situation DID NOT HELP IN THAT ASPECT OF US. Besides, we are touchy people, we greet each other with kisses on the cheek, long and deep hugs whenever we feel like it and I don't really think the oc's would appreciate our affection being distributed like this 😞 unless is with them, which is totally possible because if we are touchy with strangers, with the close ones we are SUPER lovey dovey.
If you could ease my curiosity about this aspect, I would be very, very happy 👉👈 and I don't mean it's just this specific scenario, just being depressed in general, begging for any kind of normal human interaction hahaha.
Anyway, sorry for this LONG text, this has been on my mind since I started reading your works (and they are AMAZING, really, I'm in love with your writing style!). As I said before, I'm Brazilian and English is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes 🤗.
Wowow thank you so much for your kind words!! I am so happy you like my yandere OCs + my writing style!! Also, this is a very fun request/scenario, tysm for requesting it :3c Your English is great, please don't apologize!
Here's the answer to your request down below!!
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So, Jiu's case is really interesting because he has the intellect, power, AND money to ensure that he's the closest person to you even if he DOESN'T lock you up. He's basically puppeteering your life from the background while giving you a sense of free will (e.g., you got into your specific college because of HIM, you got your specific job because of HIM, and so on). Getting him to isolate you from society would only really happen if you rejected him/began to distance yourself from him.
If you got too lonely because you could only interact with him, Jiu would cosplay and roleplay any person/character you wanted to in order to give some illusion of diverse human interaction. If you became depressed, he'd get you a therapist and anything else you might need, but... make no mistake, that therapist (while licensed properly) is NOT on your side.
On occasion, Jiu would allow you to interact with his paid workers while he's watching. Like, he'll hire a "friend" for you (who only visits at 11 AM on Fridays) and let you talk to the nanny and stuff, but that'd be it. Now, he'll be controlling your life from the frontlines rather than the backdrop and there's really nothing you can do about it, oops.
For Finley... he's actually a very clueless yandere + extremely pathetic. His emotions are very volatile so he's easy to upset/please. When he isolates you from society, it's because he thinks it's for the greater good. People are so corrupt, can't you see? He's only doing it to protect you. If you got depressed due to only being able to interact with him, he'd just cling even harder to you. After all, you're lonely because he hasn't been spending enough time with you, right (wrong)? For him, he'd understand that you seem sad, but he wouldn't understand why. He's just protecting you! Though, he may get you some pets -- he's VERY partial to animals and likes them quite a bit more than he likes humans.
Oh man, so Tynan has mind magic, so his solution is pretty messed up. He'll either hypnotize you to be okay with your situation OR give you dreams where you interact with people. His dream magic is scary because it's genuinely really hard to tell dreams from reality, so before long, you'll be tricked into thinking you spent time with the people you love when really, you were sleeping on Tynan's lap the whole time.
As for the abandoned water god... he does care about you, but not enough to let you interact with other people, even if you're feeling depressed. After you basically helped awaken him after he was forgotten for centuries, he's super obsessed with you. He doesn't need anyone else as long as he has you, so he thinks that you don't need anyone else since you have him. He'll take you to go see a bunch of sea animals, though! But those sea animals are the only other living beings you'll see. Not to mention that he's practically cursed with immortality, sooo... yeah, you're not escaping him.
Finally, for the farmer... he lives pretty isolated on his big farm anyway, so if you're his neighbor, you're already kind of isolated from everyone else. The farmer isolates you by making you dependent on him so you'll stay by his side willingly rather than locking you up. For the most part, he'll actually let some people (who are not romantically interested in you) visit you -- in fact, he actually doesn't mind it if your family visits because they all adore him (and it's so so so cute to see them tease you about how you must be dating him). But woo boy, you are very very very rarely going to be able to leave the farm. Issues crop up one way or another: blocked road, punctured tire, empty gas tank, etc... so, really, you can't leave. Unless, well, he escorts you. But it might just be better to stay on the farm since it's much more convenient, you know?
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circlebuttons · 1 year ago
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“No outside clothes on my bed” - Rafe Cameron
ExBf! Rafe Cameron x Gender-neutral! reader
Your ex shows up drunk at your door
warnings: mentions of relapse in sobriety, mentions of c0k3 use, mentions of drinking, explicit language
800 words - short fic
You were meant to stay far far away from your ex Rafe Cameron but when he's drunk at your door can you really turn him away?
You let him lean over you as you usher him towards your room, shushing him to hopefully keep your roommate asleep, and unknowing that you opened the door for your ex that you told her all about over a bottle of wine.
Once in your room you lay him down on the floor and take pillows off of your bed to keep him propped up on his side. You go to offer him a blanket, but his eyes are half closed as he begins to pout. It was endearing how he'd act all pouty and clingy while y'all were together, but just irritating now that he's your ex.
Somehow through that irritation your old feelings for Rafe were clawing at your insides. You harshly made him sleep away from you, but you still positioned yourself to where you could monitor him. You'd always worry about him dating or not.
You stare up at the ceiling, hoping to just try your best to get through the night as contradicting emotions pulse through your body and Rafe's presence making itself more than well known, even more so when he breaks the silence, "Can I sleep with you?" he asks, voice quiet and timid.
How could you possibly say no to him when he's in such a vulnerable state? Right? Instead you let that vulnerability fuel rejection, you can reason with yourself that he's not in his right mind, and that you need stay as far away from him as possible. "No outside clothes on my bed, you know that."
He doesn't respond right away and instead you hear him start to breathe unevenly with the occasional sniffle. You shoot up and look over at the ground, his back is facing towards you, "Rafe are you crying?" you whisper yell at him in shock.
"I'm so sorry. I'm drunk" he tries to whisper, holding back his tears, trying to hold onto any dignity he can be conscious of.
"I know" You sigh heavily and throw yourself back against your bed.
“And I'm in love with you” he mumbles quietly.
His words make you flinch, “Do not.”
“I miss you, I miss you so much, I'm miserable” his voice shakes and you shut your eyes to make his words hurt less.
“You broke up with me.” And you know why he did it too, the night he relapsed on coke he called you in a panic and confessed. You couldn’t even get a word in before he broke things off, assuming you were going to do it anyways. He was right to assume that you’d be upset about his relapse, but you didn’t know in what world he thought that you’d dump him at a low like that. You wanted to be there for him, you were going to be there for him, and he unknowingly pushed you away.
“I'm fucking stupid” he slurs out and begins to incoherently ramble.
“Get some sleep Rafe” you cut him off worried he’s about to choke on his tongue.
“I thought you’d hate me” he quietly whimpers, “That why I’m sober again” he breathes in a ragged breath before finishing his sentence “But I did drink tonight”
“I know you drank” You want to laugh at his obvious drunk confession, but instead make a confession of your own, “But I am proud of you for being clean again, always have been proud” Sarah and Rafe’s friends who grew close to you often updated you on how he was doing, so you already knew he had been strongly sober although going through the motions of grieving your relationship. His ego made him think sobriety would be linear, but you knew statistically he’d relapse and you were still genuinely proud of him.
“That’s all I wanted” his sad voice and new admission tugs at your heartstrings. All he wanted was just for someone to be proud of him, Rafe Cameron had been failed by everyone and was trying to pick up all the pieces by himself.
"Get in" You can see him sit up out of your peripheral vision, and he hesitates almost as if he thinks you’re joking. You lift up the comforter, making space for him and in almost an instant he’s up and clumsily stripping his clothes at an attempt to take off his outside clothes before jumping in your bed, hugging your waist with his head in your chest. His breathing slows down a lot more than before, but you can feel his tears soak into your top. They’re hot like his body, heated by the the alcohol in his system. You can feel him lift his head, but you just close your eyes, and rub circles into his back the way he loved “Well talk in the morning”
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