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crackinwise · 4 years ago

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[part 1]

This is how I picture their whole house-building journey would go:

After graduating Hope's Peak, Taka goes to a prestigious college to major in political science. University of Tokyo is touted as the best and it's where his government goals are anyway, so I say he gets in on a scholarship. But this isn't about his college adventures.

Mondo gives the Diamonds over to Michi and seeks out a carpenter apprenticeship. With bosozoku taking pride in their country, he'd likely want traditional Japanese carpentry with a sukiyadaiku (teahouse & residential carpenter, but they can also crossover for work on shrine & temple building--miyadaiku). Naturally, being former leader of the largest gd biker gang in Japan gets you connections. Turns out a member is the granddaughter of just such a master carpenter, and that man is a former rebel himself and grateful the Diamonds drink 100% Respect Women Juice.

It is grunt work at first. For a month, Mondo is tested by just sweeping, hauling, and running every errand. He loses his temper many times, but never quits. His master kind of expects to never see him again after each fit, but there he is at dawn the next morning, bowing in apology and blinking tiredly. Having proved his determination, Mondo begins to be taught the trade.

And oh man, he's gonna learn cool stuff. Ya know those satisfying videos of wood pieces fitting perfectly together without nails or screws? That's "joining" and is Japanese carpentry's whole deal.

After 3 years, he's still apprenticing but Mondo has a solid foundation of experience to get started on Taka's house. He puts feelers out to gang members and old schoolmates for land, and is given the perfect spot close by for a deal. Let's say a residential area outside Tokyo like in Hinohara or Sano or Tochigi city. Does it matter? No. Did I look up seemingly nice places by distance anyway? Yeah.

His master lends a hand or guidance now and then, and some gang members with laborer experience are eager to help with heavy lifting, but Mondo insists everything be done by himself where possible. Any bit of time off from his apprenticeship is spent building the house. He basically lives with his master by now; it's not like he sees whatever home he had before anymore. (Michi stays there, it's fine.) He cuts his own trees for lumbar and uses salvaged materials from other jobs with permission.

Taka visits when on breaks from both university and working for local politicians he believes in. He cries each time he sees the house and shouts how proud he is of Mondo. Mondo just worries they're gonna get kicked out of the neighborhood before he can even finish. But he's become an expert at cutting off Taka's loud adulation with food, drink, his lips, or--in emergencies--planting the man's face into his chest.

Taka always really enjoys watching Mondo work, and taking pictures (of the work for a portfolio; and of sweaty Mondo for... himself). The work pictures shared with friends got Mondo and his master jobs for Sakura, and for Sonia & Gundham.

Because Mondo can only work on the house between jobs and he's responsible for his own materials, it takes him around two years. He tries to give Taka everything he may need. There's multiple bookcases, a display case for past & future accolades, a dojo for kendo practice, a full kitchen to perfect whatever food Taka wants to next, an office with a big desk, and a spare bedroom for Takaaki visits.

When the house is completely done (Hiro had even had it blessed), Taka meets Mondo outside the front door. Taka takes a rolled up welcome mat out from under his arm and lays it down inside. On it reads "Ishimaru - Oowada Residence" in kanji.

Mondo only stares and Taka misunderstands his silence. "Ah! I-Is that alright? I went back and forth on the name order so many times so I just decided on alphabetical! I can change it!"

"Taka. Hun," Mondo pulls him close to calm him back down. "Are ya sure ya wanna live with me?

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Ya... I built this for you, damnit. Ya don't have to share outta pity or obligation or anythin. You're gonna be runnin for office yerself soon, and if they find out ya live with a man--with a man like me-"

Taka holds his face gently between both hands and moves in until their noses nearly touch, eyebrows meaning business. "Mondo, if I didn't want to be with you, why would I spend all my free time here, for years? Have I ever worried about being seen with you? Does that doormat seem like pity?"

Mondo swallows hard, mumbles, "No."

"I love you so much. You are... magnificent! No, don't go!" Taka laughs, getting a firmer hold of Mondo's head to keep him from retreating in embarrassment.

"Look at me." Taka waits until eyes meet his again, and sees the other's uncertainty is still visible. "You've built me a wonderful house. But you will always be my home. Stay with me."

Mondo smashes their lips together, mostly because he really needs to after that, but partly to keep Taka from seeing his eyes tear. He pulls back enough to speak, emotion making him slightly lose control of his volume, "I am gonna fuckin kiss you on every single surface I've made!"

"Shh! Now who's going to get us removed from the neighborhood!?" Taka chides, but smiles as he closes the distance again.

#i researched apprentice sites in japan aimed at americans then japan real estate then some govt things #if anything is wrong i'm deeply sorry #ishimondo #mondo oowada #kiyotaka ishimaru #danganronpa #does this length need a cut? i couldn't decide

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tropes-and-tales-archives · 2 years ago

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Bryan Kneef: Breaking Point, Part Three

Word Count: 2377

TW: Remembered infidelity; angst.

AN: Part three of a nine part series. Other parts can be found here.

When you returned to STR Laurie on Monday morning, Bryan had to roll his eyes at the fanfare. You were more beloved by your coworkers then he had realized, and the spattering of applause (and your own jokey little curtsey) was a bit much.

Things returned to normal though. As normal as it could be, considering you had his balls in a vice grip around staffing, but at least work could resume without H.R. storming into his office. And in the meantime, he had promised to find you a better placement within the firm. Not that he was prioritizing it, of course, but it didn’t hurt to put out some feelers.

He pulled your personnel file. You had joined STR Laurie when the firm bought out your smaller one, and you’d been with the company ever since. Before that, you had graduated summa cum laude at the University of Chicago as a dual major in history and philosophy. Ostensibly, you had been considering law school, since you had taken your LSAT’s. But you never went – there was a gap of a year between undergraduate and your first job, but that wasn’t explained anywhere.

Bryan laid your file down and gazed out of his open door into the bullpen where all his employees worked. Your head was bent over some task at your desk, but when another paralegal walked by, you looked up. Bryan watched as the two of you exchanged words – both of you laughing, you gesturing with your hands. When the other paralegal left, you must have felt his eyes on you because you turned your head a little and made eye contact. You gifted him with the barest of nods, and then you bent back to your work.

A week passed. Bryan, as before, didn’t talk to you because honestly – what the hell was there to talk about? You certainly weren’t friends, and as far as Bryan was concerned, you weren’t his type. You weren’t even adjacent to his type. You were just some temperamental little bitch who had a temporary upper hand on him.

-----

STR Laurie threw an extravagant holiday party every year near the beginning of December before everyone scattered for their winter breaks. The party was usually at the Museum of Science and Industry, and no expense was spared: there was dinner, an open bar, dancing. Speeches that got increasingly syrupy as the night went on.

Bryan fucking hated it. He hated the forced camaraderie, but the partners were all there, so he had to be there. He could skip any other social event the firm sponsored – the Cubs games, the summer picnic at Grant Park – but he couldn’t skip this.

It didn’t mean he had to enjoy it. As usual, after dinner service, he posted up in a dark corner and kept the drinks coming to him. He sipped at his Glenfiddich (STR Laurie did it up big, but not that big – not big enough to set up an open bar with the premium spirits he much preferred) and scowled at the merriment around him. The dance floor was crowded, the music punctuated here and there by squeals of laughter and underscored by the low roar of convivial conversation.

*****

You loved the annual party at STR Laurie. The tiny, cynical part of you knew that it was just a palliative, a bone the firm threw you for all the hours and weekends and evenings you worked. But that part of you was tiny, and you threw yourself into the more generous part of your spirit. There was good food and spirits and dancing, and it gave you an excuse to dress up and spend time with your coworkers.

Not all of them, though. Most litigators took tables with their teams during dinner, an opportunity to socialize, but Bryan Kneef sat separately with a few of the other less social lawyers, a veritable good ole boys network of dicks and assholes. Charles, the one who witnessed your snowball fight, was a known philanderer despite having a wife and new baby at home. Marcus liked to grope interns, while Stephan preferred to make interns cry after weeks of psychological torture.

You lost sight of Bryan after dinner as you danced and circled the crowd. You chatted with your old team. You sipped champagne and made small talk with a few senior partners. You cooed over one person’s latest pictures of their grandbaby.

Then you saw him – Bryan, sitting alone in a corner. He had lost his entourage of dickish pals, and he glowered out at the dance floor as he worked through his drink. It made your heart ache a little to see someone looking so lonely in a sea of people, but you didn’t know why you’d care, since it was Bryan. He was the type to cause his own problems anyway.

But in light of the fact that you’d gotten him to agree to let his staff off on Christmas Eve, you had taken up a small collection amongst your coworkers. You had gotten him a gift – nothing elaborate by any stretch – but you had still wrapped it with care and passed around a card for everyone to sign. You edged around the parameter of the dance floor to return to your table, and you grabbed the gift and walked over to Bryan.

You would say he was drunk, but judging by the scowl he shot you, he was sober enough to recognize you.

“It’s you,” he pointed out, or rather – grumbled.

“It’s me,” you agreed. Without waiting for an invitation, you sat down on the plush bench beside him. He didn’t say anything, though you noted how his eyes raked over your form in its red sheath dress before looking away, bored. He only held up his empty rocks glass and gestured to a passing server who promptly brought him a refill.

“Nice party,” you finally offered, but he only grunted and rolled his eyes at that. You knew what he was probably thinking: this is beneath me. You had dated his type before – men who achieved so much but took such little joy in it. The best job, the best home, the best partners…and still no joy or satisfaction.

You suspected that even if Bryan Kneef had all the money and all the beautiful women the in the world, he’d still be a miserable asshole. And frankly, that made you sad. You had your fair share of heartache and tragedy, but you still found joy in the large things and the small. Your friends. Your sister. The amazing coffee shop by your apartment, the way the sunlight glinted off of the lake.

You had blind spots, a sweetly naïve outlook at other people that had burned you before. Those Kneef-esque assholes you dated in the past? If you were a little more savvy or a shade more jaded, you would have never even bothered with them. But you skewed optimistic, hopeful – to your detriment sometimes. Like now.

“Are you doing anything for Christmas?” you asked.

Bryan swiveled his head to face you, and his eyebrows were knit together as he studied you. “I go to St. Kitts every year.”

“That sounds lovely.”

Another grunt. “You been?”

“No,” you said with a shake of your head. You hadn’t been anywhere, really. You had yet to see an ocean, for example. Or a mountain bigger than the Indiana sand dunes. “Do you go with your family?”

“No.”

The awkward silence resettled between the two of you, so you gave a light laugh and said, “well, I’m staying in Chicago for Christmas. I thought I might – “

“I don’t care,” Bryan broke in, silencing you and making you recoil a fraction. It shouldn’t sting, but it did, the casual way he had of cutting you down like that. He did it all the time at work before you had nailed him with the snowballs, and it hurt every time. Chipped away a little at your self-confidence. You wondered if that’s why he did it – to hurt – or if he truly didn’t care. Was he an active psychopath or just a passive one?

Tonight, he was an active psychopath. He fixed you with those green eyes of his and smirked meanly over the rim of his glass. “You gonna yell at me again? Is Bryan being too rude again?” He said it in a mocking little sing-song before dropping it altogether to continue.

“We aren’t friends. Don’t think this bullshit – “ He gestured at the dance floor vaguely with his free hand “ – makes us pals.”

“Obviously not, but – “

“So why are you here talking to me?”

You sighed and gritted your teeth. “I’m trying to be friendly. It’s a party.”

“Friendly, but we aren’t friends.” He hissed the last word to drive home the point.

“Well, no,” you agreed. “I wouldn’t call you in an emergency. I wouldn’t ask you to help me move a couch.”

Bryan rolled his eyes. “Is that what you do with friends in your world?”

You ignored his question and asked your own. “Don’t you ever just had a nice chat with people? Especially this time of year? It’s the holidays. You should be reaching out…” You let yourself trail off. No sense getting all Hallmark special on Bryan fucking Kneef.

It didn’t stop him from laughing at your question, an ugly bark of laughter with no warmth to it. Maybe he wasn’t a psychopath after all. Didn’t psychopaths have charm? Bryan only had the thinnest veneer of charm in the best of times, and it was often peeled away to reveal the man in front of you now. Rude. Abrupt. Mean.

A real Ebenezer Scrooge. You wondered if he wouldn’t be well served by some ghostly intervention to help save his soul. Maybe a former frat brother (a victim of keg-stands past) could come and warn Bryan from his current path. Maybe he had some long-lost love or some woebegone orphan in his present that he could gift with a Christmas goose.

Your expression must have changed because he cocked an eyebrow at you and doubled down on his line of thinking. “I don’t give a shit about your holiday plans, and you don’t honestly give a shit about mine.”

He was technically right – at the end of the day, you didn’t care about his life. You just thought he had looked sad, sitting alone, and had tried to make small talk before handing off his gift. You suddenly remembered it, sitting on floor by your feet.

“Here.” You thrust the gift bag at him and was rewarded by the smirk being replaced by surprise. You didn’t wait to hear more from him though; he could save his breath on whatever mean little bon mot he had queued up. You stood and smoothed your skirt before you looked down at him. “Merry Christmas, asshole.”

Then you strode away.

*****

It was a coffee mug, just a joke gift with the legend “World’s Okayest Boss” emblazoned across it. The card was signed by all of his employees, but Bryan knew you had been the one to buy it, wrap it, circulate the card on the sly.

Stupid. It was stupid. His last girlfriend had bought him a Montblanc fountain pen, a gorgeous blue lacquer with platinum fittings and a rhodium-coated gold nib. It cost more than you probably made in a month (fact – he knew it cost more than your monthly salary).

That the girlfriend in question had cheated on him…minor fact. He got to keep the pen.

Bryan wasn’t sure why he had turned mean. You had only tried to be nice, engaged in small talk. You didn’t know him, so you couldn’t know that he fucking hated small talk. He didn’t care about plans for the holidays. He didn’t even care about his own plans, considering how he was wavering about whether to go to St. Kitts or not this year.

She would be there, this year. Years and years had passed, the two of them in their separate corners, licking their respective wounds with their shared friends. Bryan had gotten the Christmases in St. Kitts. Cara got the summers in Amalfi. Their friends tactfully never mentioned the other when one was around.

Apparently enough time had passed for her. The new husband didn’t hurt either, Bryan figured, and if it was a subtle way of rubbing his face in it, Bryan figured he was owed that too. He had been the one who cheated, after all, all those years ago. Weeks before their wedding at the bachelor party that he only remembered in bits and pieces. He remembered enough – the way the other woman had smelled, a powdery perfume that made his nose itch, the breathy way she had panted in his ear, the brusque way she had left, all business at the end.

And Bryan hadn’t even needed those memories. There had been pictures, snapped on the sly on cell phones by his drunk asshole friend and sent to enough people that they eventually got to Cara. Bryan’s future life had been over before he even got home from that weekend.

He had been mulling that all over, deciding whether he should go to St. Kitts after all – was he too old now to sell the cool, single guy schtick anymore? Could he really go for a week with his friends and his ex-fiancée and her new husband and pretend that he wasn’t lonely?

You had walked over then, sat beside him, tried to engage him in small talk. And if he wasn’t in the mood usually, he sure as hell wasn’t in the mood now. He had been snappish and mean, and he damned well knew it. Part of him had been goading you to snap again. Bryan wanted a slap in the face. He deserved it. Instead, you had just handed off a gift - a surprise, to be sure - and marched away.

He turned the coffee mug over and over in his hand. World’s okayest boss. It was generous, and a lie besides. Bryan Kneef knew that he was possibly the world’s worst boss. And not just that - he wasn’t a very good person either.

#bryan kneef #bryan kneef imagine #bryan kneef x reader #bryan kneef x you #the good fight #the good fight fanfiction #tropes-and-tales

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disgruntledspacedad · 4 years ago

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in defense of Din’s subdued reaction to losing the kid...

gif by @quantam-widow

I know we were all thinking it. We got a 2 second reaction shot to the destruction of the Razor Crest (may she forever rest in peace), but then, Grogu gets taken, and... nothing?

What the fuck, Din? we all protest. That’s your baby on that ship! Don’t you care? Scream, curse, kick a rock, cry, make a fist, something!!

I will acknowledge that so far, the show has been excellent with giving us emotional payoff, am I right? I mean, just today we got Din laughing, twice. Twice in a row. I honestly never thought we’d see that. There have been so many excellent, precious soft!Din moments this season, and they all feel deliciously earned.

So, from a meta POV, I guess I’m saying that I have faith in the writers to get it right, and in Pedro to deliver. Duh.

In universe, though, I think it’s fair to point out the obvious - that Din is a pretty reserved guy. He’s much more of a thinker than a feeler. He’s used to keeping things bottled up, and I would even argue that his life often depends on his ability to dissociate from his emotions. Din’s entire journey so far has been about how one little baby yodito shakes his worldview to its very foundations. He’s getting there, but it’s a slow process.

And also, consider this - we haven’t seen Din alone yet, not since Grogu was taken. For a guy who lives a guarded life literally encased in fucking armor, any display of emotion is going to be carefully protected until he’s in private.

But anyway, Din is detached, rational, a little emotionally constipated, and definitely comfortable in a stressful situation. A true ISTP if you ask me (yeah, I know you didn’t, but whatever). Often, it seems that these cool headed, logical types who have never ruffled a feather over anything in their lives are the least adept at handling genuine fear. In other words, when panic does strike, it strikes them hard.

And guys, Din was definitely panicking during this episode.

He’s clearly unsettled from the jump - that outburst of “dank farrik!” in the cockpit sells it, and his distress only becomes more obvious from there. Talking out loud, trying to convince himself that the best thing for Grogu is for him to be trained as a Jedi. Reminding himself of the creed. His overt caution as they approach the seeing stone. His impatience, “Are you seeing anything??”

Then there’s the effects of long term stress. Sure, a bounty hunter in the outer rim doesn’t exactly live an easy life, but Din is definitely used to the drama being on his terms. Compare Din’s body language in the opening scene of season one to when Boba confronts him in chapter fourteen. You can just feel the anxiety, the weariness, the frustration. Din has been on the run for months now, constantly looking over his shoulder, sleeping with one eye open. Notice how he even startles at Fennec’s voice? Season one Din would never have given that much away, regardless of the situation. Long term stress has clearly taken a toll on him.

So we have unsettled, stressed out Din in an emotionally charged situation. He’s exhausted, he’s scared, he’s desperate. This scenario is a recipe for even the most level-headed of adrenaline junkies to loose their cool, and that’s exactly what happens to Din. He panics, and he makes some pretty big fuckups because of it. Leaving Grogu unprotected, twice. Trying three different times to break through that “force field,” even when he knew he couldn’t. Dropping that jetpack and then just forgetting about it (I know we were all screaming about that one, or at least, I was).

So, fear is a positive feedback loop. Those neurotransmitters that do us good in a bad situation - raising heart rate, narrowing focus, shunting blood to the muscles - can also be detrimental if we get too high of a dose - tachypnea and tachycardia, inability to think critically and see the big picture, lack of blood and oxygen to the brain. Epinephrine, in particular, even inhibits the laying down of new memory pathways. In other words, stress leads to poor performance, and poor performance leads to more stress, which leads to... you get the idea.

Then, in the middle of all this chaos, they fucking blast the Razor Crest.

More epinephrine, more cortisol, more stress.

By the end of it all, Din is a fucking shitstorm of stress hormones and pent up emotions. Notice how he seems to be on autopilot in the immediate aftermath, robotically scanning the ashes of the Crest for anything that might be left intact. Notice how empty his voice is when he says, “the child is gone.” This is a dead man walking. Din has nothing left. His whole life has just gone up in smoke, and he can do nothing about it.

Guys, Din is holding onto his sanity by a fucking thread in this scene. “The child is gone,” he says, like he’s reminding himself, grounding himself in his shitty reality. He’s stunned.

And helpless. There’s literally nothing he can do for Grogu. He has no ship, no credits, no resources, nothing to bargain with, nothing to offer. Din literally cannot allow himself the luxury of feelings right now. He’s just got to focus on surviving this very shitty day.

Then, Boba Fett upholds his end of the deal, and suddenly, Din has something to hold onto. An ally, a badass friend, some hope. I don’t think Boba shows Din that chain code in order to verify his claim on the armor - he’s already wearing it, for godssake. I think Boba shows him the code in order to catch Din’s attention - hey friend, I know you’re hurting, but I’m a man of my word. When I make a vow, I keep it. Let’s regroup and go find your kid.

And Din would totally latch onto that. A fighting chance? Din fucking leaps at it. There’s a job to do. A kid to save. All of those stress hormones are going to keep on stewing, because Din has never really come down from his adrenaline high.

It’s like this in real life, too. There isn’t time to be afraid. There isn’t time to be sad, or second-guess, or say, oh how terrible, or wonder what if it doesn’t work? There’s just you and the job, and if you are the only thing standing between life and death, you will put everything else aside and do what you have to do, for as long as you have to do it.

And that’s where Din is at this moment. He’s running on the fumes of his adrenaline, all tempered focus, all strategy and no bullshit.

Emotional shock, my therapist buddy calls it. Apparently, it’s normal. Expected, even.

But guys, the fallout of this kind of crazy ass adrenaline high is insanely intense. I’m talking collapse to the floor, legs won't hold you, trembling, crying so hard you sling snot, shuddering breaths, stare dead-eyed and spent at the ceiling because you’re just too wiped out to even sleep kind of intense.

And then, after the breakdown comes the angst. The detailed thinking. The oh god, what if this had happened, or, should I have done that instead? It seems like every emotion that gets put on the back burner in the moment comes back to bite you with twofold intensity when all is said and done.

In other words, Din is definitely going to feels some things .A lot of very intense things. A reckoning is coming, my dudes. Trust me. It’s just not quite here yet.

That being said, here’s what I can expect from Din going forward:

Just like he’s is slow to acknowledge his growing parental feelings for Grogu, I think Din’s going to be slow at processing his grief at Grogu’s loss. In the next episode, he’s got plenty to distract him - getting together his hit team to take back the kid and coordinating an attack on the empire.

However, I do think we’ll get a slow moment with Din, probably sometime at the beginning of next week’s episode if the pattern holds. I doubt it’s the full-blown breakdown that we’re all needing, but I’m willing to bet money that we’ll see Din grappling with the fact that his kid is gone. I also think that badass beskar murder machine Din from chapter three will resurface. Stress and desperation make us do irrational things, and anger is one of the stages of grief that Din will inevitably have to work through (I think he’s flickering between denial and bargaining for now).

But then, after Din gets Grogu back? I think that’s we’ll have our big, dearly earned emotional payoff.

For one thing, Din won’t be able to deny his feelings anymore. He wants to keep this kid, it’s so very obvious. Losing him just forces it all to the forefront.

And then the relief/joy/regret/guilt that Din is going to feel once he’s got Grogu back? Not to mention the physical exhaustion? All of the fear/terror/angst/grief that he ignored in favor of just going pedal to the metal, guns blazing, get the kid or die trying? That shit’s going to crash into him with all the subtly of a fucking tsunami. I guarantee you, we’re going to get some sort of confession, or adoption vow, or face revel, or other sort of profound softness from Dad!Din in the falling action of this season (At least, I hope we get it at the end this season but I wouldn’t put it past them to kick it into the premier of season three, just for pacing reasons, but then again, I obviously have trust issues).

Personally, I would love to see Din grappling with the long-term fallout of losing Grogu - night terrors, guilt, paranoia, etc. That’s probably the stuff of fanfiction - mandalorians don't have nightmares on screen, surely - but still, some lingering effects Grogu’s kidnapping would be realistic, and I would absolutely live for it.

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infpisme · 5 years ago

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4 Steps to Work Through Heartbreak as an INFP

Here’s how you can make each day a little more bearable.

Heartbreak sucks — no matter who you are, no matter where you’re from.

It’s a universal feeling of pain, loss, and suffering. But for the INFP, one of the introverted Myers-Briggs personality types, the wrenching experience can be especially challenging. We feel both the good and the bad deeply. Compound that with our deep-seeded idealism, and we’re destined for a rocky road to heartbreak recovery.

That said, there are some steps that all INFPs can take to work through this process and find peace again.

1. Set aside alone time.

First and foremost, schedule lots of alone time. As INFPs, our core nature is introverted, so we need time to recharge on a good day. But after a heartbreak, that alone time is going to be even more important. The days are taxing enough just surviving a romantic loss, so you will need extra space and time to process your relationship, and it’s best to do so in solitude.

That space lets you reflect upon and rationalize the events of your heartbreak. Whether it’s a new relationship that lasted a heady month, or someone you were convinced was “the one,” you need to be able to wrap your head around what happened, and understand how you feel.

I’m not saying you should go blow off life’s responsibilities, even though that may be all you want to do. I know the pain is crushing, and it feels as though your heart may be ripping out of your chest. I know you think it will never end. But it’s incredibly important to keep up with your life. Not only for the sake of adhering to your responsibility, but also because it will give you a distraction.

It’ll quickly become overwhelming if all you do is ruminate over heartbreak. We INFPs concoct our own private dream world to rationalize things, and this can become unhealthy. So instead, what I suggest is you go about your day’s responsibilities and instead devote most, if not all, of your free time to being alone so you can truly understand your feelings.

2. Find an ally.

Eventually, those long nights of solitude in your room will transform into ones of longing and loneliness. For INFPs, this may play into your newly concocted and romanticized story of your heartbreak, and it is tempting to let yourself burrow into the loneliness. And to some degree that’s helpful. But there will come a point when you need an ally.

If you’re anything like me, you won’t have told most, or any, of your friends about your recent break-up. Instead, you’ve ruminated and lamented in the darkness alone, for all beauty and color have seemed to drain from the world.

But the truth is, the color has drained because you let it, and having a friend by your side can help spark some inklings of joy and hope in the midst of your despair. Plus, you will eventually need a break from the loneliness, and this friend will be a sounding board and perhaps even a support system when you need it.

In my case, this was done in very small doses. I’m talking a simple text every few nights, saying, “I’m having a hard time tonight.” My particular friend would often just reply, “I’m here,” and that would be enough. The important part was that I knew I had somebody in this world in my court, and I could call on her when needed. Having a trusted friend to speak with, even if it’s not a big or long conversation, provides a break from the loneliness and helps you to further process your heartbreak.

3. Let yourself feel it.

INFPs tend to romanticize their partners — even the bad ones — so the end of a relationship can feel especially hard, but feel it you must. Go up to your room and cry. Sit in your car and cry. Wherever the place may be, let yourself be a mess, INFP. It will suck, and it will certainly hurt. But by letting yourself really feel out the heartbreak, you will speed up recovery.

What this has looked like for me is going up to my room at the end of the day, listening to slow country music, and staring at the wall until the sun sets. Then I just let it out.

If you instead try to always distract yourself or bury your emotions, you will begin accruing an emotional debt. The more emotions you stuff inside and put away, the more they will fill you up, and they will rear their ugly head. The importance of having a solid friend at the ready can’t be underestimated for this crucial third step. You can’t work through heartbreak by burying your feelings, but you also can’t sit in distress for weeks on end, feeling nothing but your feelings. That ally will help you strike a balance.

4. Pursue creative outlets.

Finally, after you’ve embraced all the visceral emotions from the previous step, find a creative outlet to channel those emotions.

This will look different for every INFP (and we do love to dabble — give into that here). Write a story or a song. Paint something. Make up a dance. Knit an emotional sweater. Whatever your go-to is, go to it!

INFPs are feelers and creatives, and we have a knack for understanding and expressing our emotions. Heartbreak spurs some of the deepest and rawest emotions, so use your sorrows as an opportunity to really embrace your passions — or even try some new creative outlets.

Doing so is helpful for a number of reasons: Channeling your heartbreak into an outlet helps you to feel it out, have alone time, rationalize and convey your emotions, and curb the impending loneliness that inevitably accompanies heartbreak.

The truth is, INFP, like I said earlier, heartbreak sucks. But by applying these tips to your situation, you can make each day a little more bearable. You can use these techniques to get through today, and understand your heartbreak a little bit deeper. And then you can get through tomorrow.

Before you know it, you will have processed the end of your relationship, and maybe you’ll even have a beautiful song or a colorful painting about your feelings — a memory of love rather than despair.

You got this, INFP.

Source: IntrovertDear, by Cole Powers

#introvertdear #cole powers #infp #infp quotes #infp personality #infp advice #infp thoughts #infp problems #infp things

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tabloidtoc · 4 years ago

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OK, March 8

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Bruce Springsteen

Page 1: Big Pic -- as part of Coach's latest campaign Jennifer Lopez posed with a supersized pink version of their new Pillow Tabby purse

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Chris Harrison gone for good? The Bachelor host's future with the show remains uncertain after his controversial interview with Rachel Lindsay

Page 6: Since the start of his career Justin Timberlake has endured his fair share of scandals but after welcoming his second son with wife Jessica Biel over the summer and celebrating his 40th birthday, he is confessing that he feels immense guilt about the past and he won't be making the same mistakes in the future -- Justin's done some soul-searching and accepts that he's wronged a lot of people over the years with his own terrible mistakes and he says he's still a work in progress, but step one has been to stand up and admit he's hurt too many women -- in addition to a boozy night out with his Palmer costar Alisha Wainwright in 2019 and his part in the now-infamous Nipplegate incident with Janet Jackson at the 2004 Super Bowl, Justin recently came under fire again due to the documentary Framing Britney Spears which showed him exploiting his breakup from Britney Spears to help his solo career -- Justin's learned from his mistakes and has a lot more sensitivity about the impact of his actions on other people and that's the big difference between the Justin of today and his old, immature self and that self-awareness was evident in an emotional statement that he posted apologizing to both Britney and Janet for the errors in his ways -- his words drew praise from his wife Jessica who says he's come a long way as a husband, a father and more importantly, a human being

Page 7: Wendy Williams is on the prowl for a new man and he's got to be husband material and she is ready for a serious commitment -- Wendy's been staying up until all hours of the night checking out guys online and on exclusive dating apps and she wants someone age-appropriate, fun, kind, independent and of course has no history of cheating -- she's feeling very optimistic and even buying new perfume and clothes and jewelry for all the dates she hopes to have once lockdown lifts

* Texas native Matthew McConaughey is seriously considering throwing his hat in the ring to become the state's next governor -- he's been putting out feelers to see if he's got sufficient support and if enough donors are willing to write checks, he'd mount an aggressive run in 2022 -- he's already gotten the thumbs-up from his wife Camila Alves and their three kids -- at this point, he needs to see an actual path to winning because he's not interested in just making a protest statement; don't be fooled by his aw-shucks attitude, Matthew means business

* Now that Keeping Up With the Kardashians is coming to an end, the hunt is on for a new family to replace the clan and one reality pro is poised to nab the prize: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Lisa Rinna -- there's already been talk about Lisa picking up the torch and her family is camera ready, consisting of husband Harry Hamlin, and their daughters Delilah Hamlin who's dating Love Island's Eyal Booker and Amelia Hamlin who's dating Scott Disick

Page 8: Things keep going from bad to worse for Armie Hammer -- he was forced to drop out of his upcoming movie Shotgun Wedding with Jennifer Lopez after direct messages he allegedly sent to women in which he described himself as a cannibal and detailed disturbing sexual fantasies were leaked online -- Armie was also fired by his talent agency WME and now the disgraced star may get cut from his new film Next Goal Wins which has already been shot -- he's radioactive and everybody knows it and his completed but unreleased work is getting a second look as studios want to do damage control, and that includes another of his finished projects Death on the Nile where his part could end up on the cutting room floor -- he's a pariah now and it's hard to see how he's ever going to come back from this

* Jennifer Aniston has always had a spiritual side but these days she is taking things to a whole new plane -- Jen has surrounded herself with psychics and has been doing Goddess Circles with the same group of close friends for 30 years, but now she's taking courses to learn to heal herself and be her own guru -- BFF Courteney Cox has been a big influence and Jen's learned a lot from Courteney, who's had a long-term interest in mediums, astrologists and horoscopes, and she's trying to fuse it all together into her own brand of spirituality -- Jen's had a lot of time alone, which has only deepened her questions about the universe and how she can make the most of her life and she's determined to find the answers

* Princess Eugenie is over the moon after welcoming her first child, a baby boy with businessman husband Jack Brooksbank but now the new mom is torn about taking time out from her royal responsibilities -- Eugenie would love to take a long break from everything and focus solely on raising her son however she knows deep down how much she's needed, especially since Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are showing no signs of coming back -- as she weighs her options, Eugenie is looking to her multi-tasking cousin-in-law Duchess Kate for some inspiration because she's impressed by how Kate is able to juggle her official duties while raising three young kids

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars captivate in enchanting puff-sleeve numbers -- Bel Powley, Aubrey Plaza, Lupita Nyong'o

Page 11: Kaitlyn Dever, Lucy Boynton, Margaret Qualley

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Hilary Swank vs. Madeline Brewer, Bella Hadid vs. Devon Windsor, Alison Brie vs. Dua Lipa

Page 14: News in Photos -- Tayshia Adams and her fiance Zac Clark felt on top of the world when the visited the Empire State Building together

Page 15: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend were inseparable while out and about in Beverly Hills, Bill Murray and NFL player Larry Fitzgerald Jr. were among the many stars to shoot their shot during a charity golf tournament in Pebble Beach, Rita Ora performing on an episode of the U.K. show Dancing on Ice in Hertfordshire

Page 16: At the Australian Open Serena Williams came out on top during the fourth round, Bachelorette alum Jordan Kimball and fiancee Christina Creedon couldn't wait until they got home to enjoy Candy Pop popcorn's new Peanut M&M's flavor from Sam's Club in Houston, Heidi Montag spent the day hitting the slopes at Lake Tahoe

Page 17: Hailey Bieber starring in Beyonce's new Ivy Park x Adidas collection

Page 18: Brody Jenner had a blast snow tubing while shooting the second season of The Hills: New Beginnings in Lake Tahoe, Avril Lavigne stepped out with her new boyfriend Mod Sun for a romantic dinner in West Hollywood

Page 20: Justin Bieber looked like he'd just hopped out of bed in a sweater and checkered fleece pants in L.A., Robin Thicke in front of a piano in L.A.

Page 21: Steve Martin doubled up on face coverings on the set of his new project Only Murders in the Building in NYC, Michelle Obama on her new show Waffles + Michi, Cardi B spoiled herself with high-end goods during a day of shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills

Page 22: Brooke Burke romancing with boyfriend Scott Rigsby on Valentine's Day, Lucy Hale accessorized her look with her newest rescue pup Ethel in L.A., Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon masked up for a snowy outing in NYC

Page 24: For Galentine's Day Vanessa Lachey snacked on macarons and sipped on wine in L.A.

Page 25: Bella Hadid alongside models Mayowa Nicholas and Heejung Park in Michael Kors' new campaign for the Spring 2021 collection, Hugh Grant stepped out for some fresh hair in London, Sofia Vergara kept it casual during a visit to a pal's house in Beverly Hills

Page 26: Inside My Home -- Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley's Rocky Mountain retreat

Page 28: Marriage isn't easy especially during a global health crisis but for Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard divorce is not an option -- Kristen said she and Dax at the start of the pandemic were at a point in their marriage where they definitely needed a little therapy brush-up and every couple of years they're being very antagonistic towards each other and they don't want that so they go back to therapy and figure out how they can serve their team goal better and it's been incredibly helpful and even in the toughest times they always have each other's back and they're committed to being each other's biggest support systems -- while their relationship may never be perfect, they're happy and love each other and that's what matters most

Page 29: Now that Tom Brady has won his seventh Super Bowl with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, he has set his sights on the next prize: baby No. 3 with wife Gisele Bundchen -- they've been telling friends they hope to make an announcement by summer at the latest and Tom and Gisele have been super loved-up since leaving Boston and moving to Florida after the QB signed on with the Bucs and the change of scenery has worked wonders on their love life and put them in baby-making mode -- the duo, who recently bought a $17 million spread on Miami's exclusive Indian Creek Island, plan to build a luxury mansion there complete with a nursery and they hope to be all settled in when the new arrival comes -- they've never felt healthier or been happier

* Aaron Rodgers looked positively giddy when he revealed he had a fiancee, Shailene Woodley at the NFL Honors, but the QB is dreading the next step: bringing her home to meet his parents because it's no secret that Aaron's been estranged from them for years and the last thing he wants is for Shailene to get caught up in the drama -- Shailene wants Aaron to clear the air with his folks, but he's not ready to do that and he doesn't want to bring Shailene into a toxic environment

* It's only been two years since Miranda Lambert married Brendan McLoughlin but she's already itching for some alone time -- she's headed to Texas in April for her first concert in over a year and she's told Brendan he shouldn't come because it will be all work and no play but she really wants to get away from him for a while and after the pair's recent road trip together, Miranda is desperate for some space -- sometimes Miranda feels like she's living with a baby because Brendan whines and complains about life on her farm

Page 30: Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker's romance is heating up fast, so much so that she's practically handed over the keys to her Calabasas estate and she loves having Travis sleep over and sometimes he'll stay the whole weekend -- he gets along famously with her children and Travis has been a friend of the family for years, so the kids have pretty much known him their whole lives and they'll do fun stuff together like hiking or playing video games and Travis loves making breakfast and showing off his pancake-flipping skills --Travis is spending so much time at Kourt's place that he's moved a bunch of his stuff in to make it easier for his kids Landon and Alabama with ex Shanna Moakler to visit him there -- everyone's convinced they'll be living together full-time before you know it

* Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were met with a flurry of well-wishes after they revealed they're expecting baby No. 2 -- the couple decided to wait until Meghan was safely into her second trimester to share the news and they only told a handful of family members before the public and they wanted to cherish this secret for as long as they could -- Harry and Meghan have been nesting at their Montecito mansion and have been busy prepping the nursery and making sure it's eco-friendly with energy-efficient lighting and they're keeping it as plastic-free as possible

* Love Bites -- Clare Crawley and Dale Moss reunited, Kit Harington and Rose Leslie welcomed a baby boy, Paris Hilton and Carter Reum engaged

Page 32: Cover Story -- Bruce Springsteen's private world -- he's an open book in his songs, but here's Bruce's untold story of his struggles with depression and regret -- he still has dark thoughts from time to time but therapy and medication have helped a great deal

Page 36: Stars' Cheating Confessions -- sometimes all you can do is beg for forgiveness; these celebs have all had to plead their case -- Donny and Debbie Osmond, Jude Law and Sienna Miller, Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith

Page 37: David Letterman and Regina Lasko, Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling, Kevin Hart and Eniko Parrish

Page 40: Interview -- Elizabeth Olsen -- the Avengers star dishes about getting witchy again for Marvel's mind-bending WandaVision

Page 42: Golden Girls -- how these Golden Globes nominees get their award-worthy figures -- Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicole Kidman, Lily Collins

Page 43: Kaley Cuoco, Michelle Pfeiffer, Amanda Seyfried

Page 44: Aadila Dosani's vegan recipe for Chickpea and Potato Soup

Page 46: Style Week -- Ashley Graham is the new global brand ambassador for self-tanning label St. Tropez

Page 48: What's Hot Right Now -- create a naturally gorgeous, flushed look with fashion designer Jason Wu's namesake makeup collection

Page 49: Haute hippie retro jeans -- take a trip back to the '70s with Revice Denim's ultra-cool capsule, Los Angeles Lovers -- Delilah Belle Hamlin

Page 50: Flower Power -- floral prints are spring's hottest trend -- rock the pretty blooms for a fresh, boho-chic look -- Kaia Gerber

Page 52: DIY Blowout -- these foolproof finds deliver impeccable hair right at home -- Drew Barrymore

Page 54: Entertainment

Page 55: Q&A with Mary Fitzgerald of Selling Sunset

Page 58: Buzz -- after months of playing it coy, these celebs confirmed their relationships on Valentine's Day -- Scott Disick and Amelia Hamlin

Page 59: Vanessa Hudgens and Cole Tucker, Sharna Burgess and Brian Austin Green, Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker, Kendall Jenner and Devin Booker

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Halsey on not conforming to conventional beauty standards, Anderson Cooper on coparenting with his ex, Ashley Graham on the importance of self-care, Kate Winslet on feeling like a fish out of water in Hollywood

Page 61: Tom Holland on the plot of the next Spider-Man flick, Mila Kunis joking about keeping her family entertained during quarantine, Drew Barrymore when asked if she's ever been skinny-dipping, Madelaine Petsch on playing a teen in Clare at 16

Page 62: Horoscope -- Pisces Lupita Nyong'o turned 38 on March 1

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Riz Ahmed

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cafedanslanuit · 4 years ago

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Hey, it's the previous anon here, you asked how I got my job and honestly? It was a simple case of right place, right time. I happened to hear third hand (through someone that I hadn't spoken to in years and just happened to run into at the supermarket, of all places) that there was a small game company that was looking for writers. Originally, my position was only going to be freelance, but as the company got bigger, they brought me on fulltime, and things kind of just went from there.

Funnily enough, at the time that I was interviewed, I had actually just dropped out of my psychology degree for mental health reasons. If I were still in that field, I'd really love to do a study on why there's such a massive overlap between fandom writers and psychology...

My best suggestion is to put out whatever feelers you can. Keep an ear out, follow your favourite writers on social media, and if you are interested in doing writing professionally, put together a portfolio of some writing and send it to whatever place you think might be interesting to work for - frankly, game studios are a really good bet for this, especially smaller ones. Even if they aren't actively looking, it might get passed along to someone, who may store it away for later reference. You never know where it might lead.

For the writing portfolio, either compile some work as a pdf, or create a wordpress blog and post some things that way. It can be any kind of work, any kind of length - speaking frankly, I did technically sneak a fanfic drabble in mine, I just changed the names since it was already somewhat ambiguous to begin with. I also included two non-fiction pieces I'd written for a university magazine, a poetry piece and a prose piece I'd recently done for a creative writing challenge, and several short pieces of work I'd originally written about friends of mine as a Christmas gift.

That said, I've seen some portfolios which have included two longer pieces - there really isn't a right or wrong answer here. Include pieces you feel good about, and don't write something simply for the sake of including it in your portfolio; if you write something with passion, or something you're interested in, it will show off your talents that much more. (Unfortunately the three-way call snk fic isn't really an option, because the writing in that is really good! Sadly, unless you're sending in an application to a game with adult content, they're probably going to be scared off. 😅 There are studios who do cover that kind of content, though, so... It really depends on who you're sending it to!)

I'd also suggest putting in some amount of information about you as a person - what kinds of things you like to do in your spare time, that kind of thing. If I read that someone really enjoys watching ocean documentaries, for example, and there happens to be a future character we're working on who lives near the ocean... Plus, it makes you feel more memorable. It's easier to remember that one writer who can quote the spinach puffs scene from Emperor's New Groove entirely from memory, versus someone who sent an email without any kind of personal information or writing samples.

I hope that helps! Obviously, I can only share my own experiences, but there are so, so many different options out there. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you lots of luck!

please i laughed so much with the idea of submitting three-way call fksdjhfksdj yeah unless they’re an adult gaming company they would be quite shocked lmao

i actually had never considered having a portfolio. i have just revamped my spanish writing blog, i used to only upload short stories (the longest one had 10k, but the other two had 1k and 4k) but now i’ve started writing poetry again, so im uploading them with nice looking graphics and everything <3

also thank you for the idea of sharing persona information, i’ve actually only redacted cvs for jobs in psychology so i tried to keep it very professional but you have a great point for more creative jobs

also i do think there’s a huge overlap, idk friend of mine that are fandom writers but for me writing had a lot to do with psychology. when i first decided i wanted to be a psychologist. i was creating a character that was a compulsive smoker and i asked myself “why is he a compulsive smoker, though?” i was 16 around that time. so i started doing research and i would read and print a lot of information, i would even take it to school and keep reading it during our breaks lol i never finished creating the character but i was fascinated about being able to understand people’s behaviours and i realized it also had a lot to do when it came to writing

i will definitely start working on a small portfolio and be on the lookout if i hear anything like that <3 thank you for taking the time to explain this to me and giving me such great tips! i will definitely work on them <3

#allie's faves #anonymous #allie answers

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dawnie1988 · 4 years ago

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Summary: So many thoughts can crop up when one is trying to make an important decision. For Birdie, it’s bringing up all the regrets she has in regards to the way she has chosen to live her life. Or, in which fear and complacency can be a slippery, downward slope.

Words: 4,656

Pairings: Platonic Dean x OFC (not actually named after sir jensen’s pup, just a name i’ve always liked)

Tags: Angst, One Sided Pining, Pity Parties and More Taylor Swift Song References Than Would Have Been Deemed Necessary

A/N: This is my entry for Sabrina’s - @winchesterxfamilybusiness - Make Me Swoon 250 Followers Writing Challenge. I can say with much certainty there will be no swooning going on here though. My prompt was: “If I knew it was going to hurt this much I wish I never laid eyes on him.”

Big, big thanks and love to the ever amazing @there-must-be-a-lock for taking the time to go over this and doing some big time beta work, not only saving any potential readers a nightmare load of grammar errors but also for the many helpful tips and suggestions along the way and helping to shape this into a more manageable and thought out piece. Seriously, this thing was nearly 10,000 words of nonsense before she started dusting her magic over it. You’re incredible, and I adore you 😘

=======

Athens, Ohio - 2011

- can i come by?

The text had come in about an hour ago, just as Birdie was ushering the last patron out for the night. She didn’t have the time - or the emotional strength - to deal with it at the moment, so she did what she did best: ignored it.

She took her time wiping down the counters and table tops, washing out all the glasses and drying them with care. She stacked all the chairs on top of the tables, took out the garbage and emptied out the cash tills, counting and recording that night’s take. She finished up her nightly routine by double checking that all doors and windows were locked and secured before turning off the lights and making her way up the old creaky staircase to her loft above the bar.

After allowing herself several moments in the shower to wash the day off, Birdie slid into some soft sweats and an old Mickey Mouse sleep shirt. She grabbed an apple to munch on, as well as the stack of papers. She needed to make a decision, and was quickly running out of time to do so.

She settled into her favorite overstuffed chair by the window that overlooked the city, enjoying the peaceful quiet of the night, before skimming through the contract in her hands for what felt like the hundredth time.

A month ago, a lawyer had come into the place (Jacob something or another the Third) inquiring about buying the bar from her. He worked for some mid size fast food chain that was looking to expand. She had scoffed at the idea in the beginning, told him she wasn’t interested, but he was a persistent little weasel, that was for sure. He kept in touch and eventually got her to the stage of accepting the very contract she held in her hands to look over.

It was a fair offer. In fact, it was more than fair, which had made her leery at first that she was getting screwed somewhere. But she had visited three separate lawyers, and after combing through it, they all agreed there were no secret loopholes, just a company who badly wanted a specific location and were willing to pay extra to get it.

Jacob what’s-his-name would eventually call back, giving her a whole speech about how he could appreciate what a tough decision this must all be for her, but that they would need an answer by the end of the month or else the company would officially be withdrawing their offer.

She had two days left and was nowhere closer to a final answer than she was when he first brought the proposition to her. Every time she felt like she was leaning one way, a new thought would crop up that would have her tilting the other way. On the one hand, this was a lot of money they were talking about. If she wasn’t responsible for this place any more, maybe she could finally take a chance on the little flower boutique she had silently dreamed about owning since she was a teenager. Every time she started thinking like that though, she would immediately start spiraling down the rabbit hole of how this bar was her home.

Except… was it really? Was it honestly her home, or just a place where she worked and lived? How much of it all was just the obligation she felt to her Uncle to keep the place going?

It was never meant to be a permanent thing. She had just graduated college with her MBA, the only thing she ever did in her life that she was truly proud of, the only thing that required hard work that she ever stuck through and completed. The courses were grueling, but she pushed through, mostly motivated by her father insisting she’d never last. Well, she had shown him.

She refused to end up like him; it was what fueled her through it all. Her dad had gone bankrupt three times, every time he tried, and ultimately failed, at a new business venture.

And not only did she complete the courses and graduate, but she ended up Valedictorian of her class at Ohio University.

She had been undecided on where she wanted to work afterwards, still riding the high of actually earning her degree and halfheartedly submitting résumés just for the hell of it and to get some feelers out. It was her Uncle Grant who stepped in to help out while she worked on getting a real game plan together.

He was the original owner of this bar, a decent sized roadside style place in the city. From the outside it wasn’t the kind of place that really grabbed your attention, but it always supported a large gathering of misfits.

The deal was pretty simple in nature. He was sixty-one, with two bum knees from a nasty motorcycle accident five years prior. It should have killed him and almost did. It was getting increasingly harder for him to take care of the place, despite his little staff of two, and retirement was looking more and more like a better idea. But he was dead set against the idea of selling the place. So, he presented her with the prospect of taking over the majority of the office and business side of things.

“Put that fancy degree of yours to good use.”

That’s what he had said. And of course he would need her to pitch in with the more physical, daily tasks that came with running the place. For that, she could stay in the small loft above the bar. Plus he even supplied her with a small salary, just enough that she could take care of necessities. All under the table, of course. He was very against mixing family and taxes. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to get her by until she moved onto her next phase in life.

It was a pretty sweet deal. What was not to like?

Except, her next phase of life never really came.

She found more and more things that she quite enjoyed about running the bar. The mundane practices were almost like a form of meditation for her: preparing things every morning to be ready to open by 4:00pm, and tedious office work. It lulled her into a sense of security, that one thing she always needed to have in her life in order to function like a real adult. Sure, her Uncle’s name was still on everything, but for all intents and purposes the place was hers. And when he died in 2007 from liver failure, it became hers entirely. She never knew he had a will, let alone that he intended to leave the place to her.

It was now her name on the lease, and her responsibility to make every call and decision.

She never meant to stay forever, but she became seduced by the comfort of knowing what to expect. Year after year passed and it became easier to stay with the known than to venture out, to try something new just to fail, to crash and burn. Then she’d have to come crawling back to all the jeers about Miss Smarty Pants thinking she was too good to stay here.

Birdie took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before blowing it out slowly, trying to calm her racing mind. As her thoughts started wandering in circles again, so did her eyes as they landed on her phone she had tossed on the side table when she first came up.

- can i come by?

Such a simple sounding question. It should have an equally simple yes or no answer, but it wasn’t simple. Nothing about Dean Winchester — about her and Dean Winchester, to be precise — was simple.

Their history began nearly ten years ago and all the dirty, dark secrets she had learned about him since only complicated things more.

She was still just getting her feet wet working for her Uncle when this boy came strutting into the place: young, oh so tall, with a pair of enchanting jade green eyes, a smile she was sure could charm the pants off of just about anybody, and a whole lot of arrogance.

The cocksure attitude, like the world was his oyster, was enough to keep her from transforming into a drooling, giddy mess. She managed to ask him his order without making a fool of herself.

There was some minor chit chat while she fetched his first beer of the night. She had definitely never seen him around before so she hit him with her standard ‘coming or going? business or pleasure?’ questions. It would take years for her to peel back the many layers that made up one Dean Winchester and learn the true nature of his illustrious family business and what he actually did for a living.

They kept in touch through it all, good, bad, and the ugly, and he was her truest constant in life, after the bar of course. It was during his last visit, however, that things changed drastically and for the worse. At a time when he needed a friend the most, she had ruined it by putting him in jail for something he didn’t do. All because of her history of backing out.

=======

2010

Birdie was awoken in the middle of the night by the all too familiar rumble of the Impala. Groggily, she stumbled out of bed and over to the window to take a peek outside. She was already making her way downstairs when his first knock came, so much softer than usual. The moment she unlocked and opened the door and got her first good look at him, even bathed in the night’s shadows, she could see how utterly broken he looked, how close he was to cracking.

In that moment she just knew. He didn’t need to speak a single word.

They had finally won the war, on their own terms, but it had cost them dearly. It had cost him Sam and she didn’t know how, or if, he ever would be able to recover from it.

She grabbed his hand gently and pulled him in before relocking the door. As she turned back around she saw that he was still just standing there, at a loss. With a hand on his back, she guided him over to the bar where she fully enabled him to drink his sorrows down. Or try to numb them up some, at the very least.

One of the very first things Birdie had ever learned about him was that he wasn’t the fondest of talking out his feelings, and it was always best not to push and just to let him open up on his own time. So she didn’t try to talk him through things, didn’t try to recite lovely sounding messages of time will heal and Sam was in a beautiful, peaceful place now, that he had single handedly raised the world’s greatest hero never known. She just continued to let him drink in peace and kept a hold of his hand. And when she reached the point that she could no longer refrain from hugging him, she allowed him to hold onto her like a lifeline, even when it felt like she could feel every bit of his broken heart in that crushing hold.

“I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered the soft apology several times, alternating between kissing his temple and running gentle fingers through his hair. His grip tightened every time the words passed her lips.

She eventually got him dragged up to her loft with her.He lay down while she settled in behind him, playing the role of big spoon, continuing to hold him as tightly as she could, as he ultimately gave in to his tears and anguish. He held her left hand tightly in his own over his heart and she placed her forehead between his shoulder blades, silently crying along with him.

As morning came around, when they finally decided their grumbling tummies needed to be attended to, he held her in place a moment longer, bringing their still joined hands up to his lips to breathe a kiss over her knuckles before releasing it.

It was a quiet affair, their usual eggs, bacon, toast and coffee combo being picked at and pushed around by both, forcing small bites down here and there.

“So,” Birdie ventured out hesitantly. “What…what now?”

She gave a wince at how casual the words came out, but it went unnoticed by Dean as he was still staring intently at his plate.

After several moments of near suffocating silence for Birdie, he finally answered.

“Gonna head to Lisa’s.”

Birdie suddenly felt like time had frozen.

“…Lisa?”

“Yeah, the one with the kid I told you about before. In Michigan.”

There was nothing but silence for a few moments. Dean finally looked up at Birdie to see the slack-jawed expression on her face.

His own face drew up in confusion. “What?”

She tried to get her mouth working, but her tongue felt so heavy now, trying to block the onslaught of words that wanted to come spilling out.

“I…” She paused to clear the forming lump at the back of her throat. “Why are you going there?”

Dean tilted his head slightly and cleared his throat before answering.“Sam.”

Birdie raised a questioning brow, urging him to elaborate, even though he was clearly uncomfortable. She wasn’t feeling very concerned about his comfort level at the moment.

“I…promised Sam that when all this was over, that I’d walk away, try to live a normal life for once.”

It was like the air had been physically pulled from her lungs.

She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but it wasn’t that. It wasn’t spending such a painfully raw and intimate night together just for him to hit the road to another woman the moment he had a chance. But then, what did it matter? He wasn’t hers, she certainly wasn’t his, they had never had that sort of relationship or even discussed the possibility of one. She knew it wasn’t fair, to harbor any bad feelings or ill will towards him when she never once tried to divulge the deeper feelings and emotions she had developed towards him over the years. Why should he be blamed for something he never had any knowledge over?

“It ain’t like I got any place else to go.”

That one sentence snapped something inside of her that was long out of her control before she had time to try to reign it in.

“Here!” she all but shouted, slamming her hands down on the counter and actually causing him to flinch. “You idiot, you could have stayed here!”

He held his hands up, almost as if to placate the raging storm of emotions that seemed to be building within her. With his chin dipped down so he could capture her line of sight fully, he slowly asked the one question he was unaware would send everything into a full on tail spin.

“Why would I stay here?”

She threw her hands up in exasperation, “For me!” she let out in what could only be described as a cross between a grunt and a sob. She turned away from him when it all dawned on him and the realization hit.

Years and years of feelings pushed aside and pining from afar, revealed in two simple words. She wiped angrily at her face when she felt the wet trails beginning to track down her face. “You would stay for me,” she concluded, not able to face him fully in her ultimate admittance.

The ensuing silence was near deafening, the loudest she had ever heard in her life.

Of all the ways for this to have come out in the open, why did it have to come out like this? Every beat of silence, every second that went by that wasn’t filled with the sound of his gravelly voice, was all the confirmation she needed: she had been right to stay silent all these years.

And yet, there was still that glimmer of hope that had been buried down deep within her. The hope that one day this would happen unexpectedly, except in that version it would be like the movies. He would make some overly grand gesture of kissing her silly before informing her that he was just as crazy about her as she was about him, at which point they would laugh at how stupid they had been for wasting so much time, before vowing to make up for it every day for the rest of their lives together.

But this was no movie. It wasn’t a fairytale in disguise, she wasn’t the princess he would sweep off her feet and lead her up the stairwell, and she would be getting no happily ever after. There was no changing this ending.

“Bird, I…"

She raised her eyes slightly, watching his reflection in the mirror behind the bar and admiring, even now, how beautiful he looked. The early morning shadows peeking through the covered windows were dancing across his face in a near mesmerizing fashion.

He looked utterly lost again. "I never knew…”

Birdie had to close her eyes against the sting of fresh tears building up, not able to stand the shame and self loathing she could already detect in his voice. He was putting this on himself. Classic Dean. He saw her hurting and instantly took ownership of it. She hated that. She hated that he was blaming himself for the mess she had caused.

It was bad enough this was happening at all, but how selfish could she be for letting it play out now? After everything he had just lost, she was fulfilling her duty to him as a friend by pulling the rug out from under him, making him feel guilty for something that (by her own design) he knew nothing about? What kind of friend was that? She wasn’t worth any more grief than what he was already dealing with.

“You should go,” she mumbled.

He was running a hand over his face when her words halted his movements completely. "What?”

“You should go,” she sniffed, attempting to gather herself as she busied her hands, getting out the little bowls from under the counter that would later be filled with nuts and pretzels. “You’ve got a pretty decent drive ahead of you,” she continued, as she then stacked up their dirty plates. “If you leave now you should be there in time for dinner without even having to break the speed limit. Maybe you can even find a nice scenic route to help decompress…”

She had nearly made it to the kitchen when he cut off her path, taking the plates from her and placing them out of the way before laying his hands on her shoulders to keep her in place.

“No Birdie, we…we can talk, we should talk, and…”

This time she stopped him by placing a hand over one of his.

“No, Dean, really. You should go. It’s fine.” She did her best to keep her tone light, to smile as best as she could, even though it felt more and more like she was about to crumble.

He grabbed her chin then, forcing her head up so she would have no choice but to actually look at him. She could see on his face that she was nowhere close to coming off as ‘ok’ and she scolded herself for it, wishing she could be as good as he was when it came to turning off the emotional switch. She looked him in the eye, shrugging it all off with an air of 'what can you do?’.

“It’s fine. Go. Go do something for yourself for once. Take a break big guy, you earned it.” He still looked torn, like he wanted to stay and fix things, or like he felt like he should stay. She gave him a wobbly smile. “Please.”

She gave an internal sigh of relief when she saw the resignation finally color his features. He didn’t try to say anything else; they both knew it was a moot point. Instead he pulled her in close, in one of his patented bear hugs that she always cherished so much. They were always like a cocoon of warmth and safety and everything good. Birdie could physically feel him trying to transfer all of his own feelings through that one hug. To let her know how much he truly loved and cared for her, even if it may not have been in the same vein as her.

When he eventually pulled away, he left a lingering kiss on her forehead before backing away and slowly making his way to the door.

Birdie’s mind whirled the whole time.

Don’t go. Stay with me. Pick me. Turn around.

The closer he got to the door the heavier her chest felt. Could she really just let him leave like this? Why couldn’t she ask him to choose her now? Why couldn’t she ask him to try to make things work with her? Why shouldn’t she?

This is a mistake. Don’t let him go. Don’t let him leave like this.

Just as his hand was on the doorknob, her voice broke out to stop him.

“Dean.”

He turned around, waiting to hear what she had to say. And the words were right there on the tip of her tongue, ready to be let free, when suddenly she thought of Sam. That’s why Dean was doing this, to fulfil some sort of dying wish to his baby brother, and that’s what stopped her. Who was she to try to infringe on something like that?

No one. She was no one.

“…drive safe.”

Something unclear settled in his eyes. He dropped his head momentarily before throwing her a weak smile and walking out the door.

The sound of the Impala’s engine starting and fading away would haunt her for a long time to come.

=======

That had been roughly a year ago. A long, lonely year filled with the occasional call to catch up. Her unintended declaration may not have ruined their friendship, but it certainly changed it. Now here she was, mind bouncing back and forth between the documents in her lap and the phone in her hands, trying to decide what to do.

But she already knew what she was going to do. There was a part of her, subconsciously, that knew from the very beginning what she would do in regards to both situations.

She would fold. She always did.

She always put the bar first and she always put off taking a chance in any aspect of her life. She was a creature of habit. It was simply easier to go the path of least resistance, because the idea of failing or losing something was far too terrifying. She’d rather sleepwalk her way through a life that was comfortable enough than risk not having the security of a roof over her head. She wasn’t brave enough to really take a chance in any area of her life.

It didn’t make the regret and longing hurt any less, though.

The worst part of it was that it wasn’t even that hard of a fix. It wasn’t as if she was in her twilight years, too old to start over… not even close. It just always came back to the fact that she was too much of a chickenshit.

Her parents’ mistakes and failures had ingrained a fear of uncertainty within her, as if it was printed in her very DNA. She knew that was why she clung so desperately to the guaranteed security of Dean’s friendship and why she always bailed at the last minute when it came to taking a chance on her own dreams. She needed that safety net of a sure thing after watching her mom and dad fall without one so many times.

Plus there was the obligation side of things. That was something Dean had always understood. Even when he would try to encourage her to do something that would truly make her happy, he still empathized with the idea of feeling like you had to stick with and honor your family. They were peas in a pod in that sense. Her uncle had generously given her this place, all so she would be set in life and so he could keep his beloved bar in the family. Wouldn’t it be ungrateful of her to sell it off now herself? To her, it felt like a slap in the face. One she didn’t have the heart to make.

She glanced around her little loft, eyes falling on the corkboard that was filled with postcards Dean had sent her from every city and town he visited. They were all the standard ‘Greetings From..’ type that you could pick up at any local gas station. She tried to imagine not being there and she couldn’t. She couldn’t imagine not hearing that creaky sound of the old stairs as she walked up and down them each day. She couldn’t imagine not being able to observe the vast amount of colorful characters she met while working. It may not have been the life she wanted or would have chosen, but it wasn’t a bad one by any means.

As her uncle would always say, why fix what isn’t broken?

But maybe it wasn’t about fixing things, maybe it was about enhancing them. Once more her thoughts drifted to Dean. She’d bet he was still up. She wondered if he ever did this: perched himself in a chair somewhere by a window where he could look out over the night sky, thinking about her in some way like she always seemed to be doing.

Maybe she shouldn’t answer this time. Maybe it was time to give up the ruse of being fine with the way things were. She’d come close once, a drunken night with her mom that loosened her lips just a little too much.

“If I knew it was going to hurt this much I wish I never laid eyes on him.”

That’s what she had said, but as much as Birdie wished it was the case, it simply wasn’t true. She didn’t understand it, how compelling he could be. How his smile could light up your world for a while, how he could make you feel like you were the most important thing when he gave you his undivided attention. How she could tell him absolutely anything, regardless of how silly or stupid she felt about it, and he would still make her feel like the old cardigan that nobody else wanted but that he still appreciated. Or how his very existence made her feel whole, somehow, even if it wasn’t in the way she truly desired. She didn’t understand it, but she knew she needed it as much as she needed this bar.

The sudden beep of a new message alert brought her back to the real world. She lifted her phone again to look at the screen.

- Bird, please

He rarely called her Bird.

She had learned over the years it was like a safe word of sorts for him. If he called her Bird, it was his way of sending out the S.O.S and asking for help. It meant he really needed her. And wasn’t that what friends were for? Wasn’t that what she had been telling him for ten years now? If he ever needed anything, just call.

This was him calling.

Birdie rose from her chair and headed to her dining area, tossing the contract in the garbage bin before typing out a quick message.

- i’ll leave the light on for ya

#make me swoon #sabrina's 250 followers writing challenge #supernatural fanfiction #dean x ofc #platonic relationships #angst #one sided pining #life regrets #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #dean winchester fanfic #an easter egg hunt of taylor swift song references #obligation is a dirty word

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throughthewwods · 4 years ago

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100 Days of Productivity . Day 91

🧡 Had my research team meeting. I’ve been assigned my first support-line client! I’m so excited!

It’s hard to believe that all this is finally happening. I joined this research team December 2019.

🥳

🧡 I talked to two grad programs

I’m really grateful for the grad school/career advice I’ve been given so far. Totally Online University sounded really good until I noticed something was off. Turns out they’re not CACREP accredited, so.. that would be a masters degree in underwater basket weaving.

Spendy University has an online option, but no synchronistic virtual classes, which is not great. At least the Christian University had virtual classes. most of these degrees require me to travel far away for a weekend or a week, which would be really complicated to make happen. i’m glad even though the online advisor’s description of their campus option didn’t sound like it would work for me I called anyway. Turns out Spendy University campus does have a hybrid, low residency option I could do.. Hazah! For a mere $80,000 😰 even after grant assistance that would still put me roughly $50,000 in debt… so.. there’s that..

🧡 I scheduled a meeting with the psych department head of Spendy University

💜 I put my feelers out in a couple mom groups to Connect with other vaccinated, Covid mindful families so my kid can make some friends

💜 ParehtWin 🙂 A few moms have already replied,

kiddo hit it off with one of the kidlets on FaceTime, and a play date is already scheduled for next weekend with a girl from her GS troop.

🧡 Had a constructive conversation with my PhD in anthropology friends.

They had some good ideas on volunteer opportunities I could look into

🧡 put in my application for a local nonprofit that helps the homeless

🧡 signed up for their volunteer introductions meeting

🧡 all signed up and connected with a nonprofit that helps families going through hard times.

That childhood trauma training comes with certification, which is good even if it doesn’t lead to actual volunteer experience.

Busy busy busy for never leaving my apartment 😅

Hopefully that wide net catches a few fish. if nothing else, I can at least say I kept trying until the bitter end!

I’ve reached out to the moms groups a few times over the last year trying to find a part of sorts to no avail. That people got back to me yesterday was a pleasant surprise. Listening to kiddo chatter ecstatically to her new potential friend made my heart happy for her.

And maybe Spendy University will be a good fit?

RB is so incredibly supportive. ❤️

The expense of Spendy U lead to an important conversation with RB that has been in the works for a while, but became RealTalk last night. I need to start making life altering decisions for myself, which includes him, his life, our relationship progression, so I wanted to get his input on The logistics of all this, and his consent to what all this could mean for us, him personally because it will effect him. I’ve put so much pressure on myself to get into grad school as soon as possible so I can be done with academia, off assistance, developing my career, finally self-sufficient, finally a provider, finally a contributor, but What good is rushing into things if it puts me ultimately in $40,000 of debt when I could’ve spent the next year volunteering at various agencies, acquiring experience, studying for my GRE, and potentially being accepted into a more affordable grad program? Waiting a year could save me $40,000… maybe by some miracle I could even get into my local university, which has an amazing counseling program. Even if next year I still end up going to Spendy University, having that volunteer experience on my resume will be beneficial when it comes time for me to apply to Community medical organizations for my supervised hours, so it wouldn’t be a wasted year.

Seems obvious that I should choose patience, but this isn’t just about me. If we moved in together, buy a house together, it means that RB would be carrying the majority of the expenses for the next 2-5 years depending on how I broach grad school. Alternatively, I could stay at my apartment and we could just keep doing what we’re doing until I can be more monetarily helpful. It’s not a great set up, but it works. Maybe the solution is but he moves closer in the meantime to lessen commute obstacles?

So all this is all kind of a big deal. heh. I thought a lot about it and been nervous to discuss it fully because no matter what it’s asking a lot of him that was not in the memo when we first started dating mostly because I don’t think either one of us was thinking this far ahead at the time.

And… he was great about it all.. Totally understanding and supportive regardless of what I decide, thinks the logistics of everything are doable, still wants to get a place together, no barbs at all. We even revisited the possibility of buying my friend’s farm and what that process would look like.

I can’t begin to describe what it feels like to finally trust someone has my back for the first time in my life. I’ve had a few dear friends over the years I call family, but at a certain point as people follow their dreams our paths diverge and I’ve never been willing to be a sidekick. so.. it’s always been a pretty lonesome journey. Family is dysfunctional and 3000 miles away not by accident. Allies come and go. I chose terrible boyfriends, so.. that was counterintuitive. RB is literally the only person who I’ve been able to share the ins and outs of my walk. He’s the only one who sees my good days and rough patches, all the little wins, the hurtles, the chronic stress, tears, moments of reprieve, strategizing,.. he’s the only person I really want to celebrate with when I finally cross that finish line because he knows what it took.

#journal #writing #my writing #motherhood #parenting #100 days of productivity #studystudystudy #positivemindset #relationship #couples goals #love #happylife #RBlovestory

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howtohero · 4 years ago

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#296 Return of the Starter-Villain

Hello How To Hero Heads! Today we’ve got some exciting news to share with you, we’ve finally hired a new supervillain correspondent: Everyone’s favorite lameo starter-villain, Smuggles. Say hello Smuggles. ||Hello Smuggles.|| Sheesh, this guy. I know, I know you must be shocked that I even allowed this to happen. Many of you will recall that I never signed off on, approved of, or got along with our last supervillain correspondent, Dr. Brainwave (don’t pretend you didn’t love Dr. Brainwave like a son, I seem to recall you being incredibly broken up when he died.) but that was because Dr. Brainwave was like, a credible threat who posed an actual danger to us and who once genetically engineered a giant monster that ate me. But Smuggles isn’t anything like that, he’s like the lowest of low-tier supervillains. ||It’s true, I was once hired to smuggle several objects into America, including a TSA uniform that was my exact size, and I never even once thought to put on the uniform to make the rest of the job easier.|| You may recall how in our original post on starter-villains we mentioned that he was on the rise ever since he teamed up with fellow low-level supervillains, Perry the Pirate and Charlie the Fish-Whisperer to hijack a canoe. But we’re both please and dismayed to say that our prediction was wrong. In the past three years, Smuggles has made absolutely nothing of himself. ||I once accidentally turned myself into a bowl of ice cream on a hot summer’s day.|| That starter-villain team didn’t even last past that first job, Charlie the Fish Whisperer went on, as you know, to become one of the most feared supervillains in the world and we all live in fear of the day Chuck the Fish Whisperer uses his awesome powers to escape the prison dimension the world’s heroes trapped him in. And Perry the Pirate became a lawyer I believe. But Smuggles, man, Smuggles. He’s no threat at all, so I was thrilled to see his application among the many we received following Dr. Brainwave’s untimely demise. So, welcome aboard Smuggles. ||Thanks! I’m excited to share my villainous insider knowledge with your read-|| Yeah yeah, that rocks man. So, anyway, in honor of our new staff member, we’re going to take a look at what happens when your starter-villain returns.

A starter-villain is, of course, the villain you fight on your first night out as a superhero. The costumed jaywalker whose swift defeat you use to springboard your career as a respected crime fighter. They will undoubtedly be the easiest villain to defeat that you come up against. As you become more experienced and proficient in superheroism, you’ll look back at your first fight fondly and laugh about all the ways the fight could have ended even quicker than it already did now that you’ve learned and grown a whole bunch. As time goes on and you fight more and more supervillains, eventually meeting your one true nemesis and a whole slew of other villains that you’ll tango with on a regular basis, you’ll even forget who your starter-villain even was. ||I’ve been a starter-villain to over 30 superheroes, and even though I send each of them a holiday card every year, I’ve only ever gotten one response.|| But, as Smuggles just demonstrated, your starter-villain will never forget you. And soon enough, once they’re ready, they’ll ensure that you never forget them again. ||The one response was from Hatman and he just sent a card saying “New phone, who dis?” Like, it was a postcard, a signed postcard. A signed personalized postcard. It said “Hatty Holidays!” and everything!||

It’s very possible that the starter-villain you defeated was also just starting out their costumed career. A crushing defeat on their first night is sure to sit with them, (supervillains being notoriously obsessive, dramatic, and good at remembering how they got their various scars), and they’re going to stew with that for a good while. Even if it wasn’t their first night of attempted-villainy, a defeat by a rookie superhero is sure to make them a laughing stock in the supervillain community. And you know what that means... ||Years of unanswered holiday cards||... revenge.

Your starter-villain will soon come to see you as their nemesis. Even though you’re perfectly happy with the eternal battle of good versus evil that you’ve already got going on with your actual nemesis. They aren’t going to care that you’re already seeing somebody (off to prison in handcuffs). They’re going to want you for their own. They’re going to spend every waking moment of their life plotting against you. Taking the time to really learn everything there is to know about you. This is just one more reason why it’s so important to to make sure your secret identity is ironclad before you start your superhero career. Because as soon as you defeat your first villain, there’s going to be someone out there working to uncover who you really are. ||Honestly, most superheroes don’t even bother trying to keep their secret identity from me. Many of them have just walked up to me and introduced themselves like “Hi, I’m Joe.” It’s kind of insulting.||

For that reason you’d do well to keep tabs on your starter-villain after you defeat them that first night. Their quest for revenge will start immediately and their scheme is just going to grow more and more protracted and elaborate the longer you let things lie. If you’ve already lost track of your starter-villain and it’s been a few years since you’ve been a superhero, I’d start shoring up your defenses. The longer you go without hearing from them, the worse it’s going to be when they eventually rear their ugly ||that’s just rude|| heads again. So put out some feelers, try to find out what they’re up to. If you can’t track them down through your superhero network of contacts, you can even try reaching out to your nemesis to see if they can help. Depending on how obsessive and vindictive your starter-villain is, your current nemesis might also find themselves in your starter-villain’s crosshairs. If you literally have no idea who your starter-villain is, sorry, you’re just going to have be on high alert all the time.

You may discover that your starter-villain has since turned over a new leaf and is actually now operating as a superhero or working with a superhero-adjacent organization such as the OPG. On the surface that makes sense, I mean, they were barely a supervillain to begin with. So the jump to superheroism is not as extreme as it would be for say Al “Da Boss” Marconi, or Karallaxus destroyer of worlds. But even though it might make sense for a starter-villain to have become a superhero, you must not believe it even for one second. Even if some part of a starter-villain truly wants to be better, you can be sure that an even bigger part of them actually just wants revenge on their starter-hero and joining the superhero community is just one of many increasingly inane steps in their protracted revenge scheme.

The only way to truly dissuade a returned starter-villain from dogging you forever and always is to either die or pretend you did. Otherwise they will track you down and hunt you to the ends of the known universe. ||And don’t forget the multiverse, Chuck the Fish Whisperer may be consigned to another universe, but that doesn’t mean his hatred has diminished one iota.|| Exactly! A starter-villain will stop at nothing until they’ve repaired their reputation in the form of destroying the person or people who tarnished it in the first place.

Defeating your first supervillain is an important milestone in the life of any superhero. Unfortunately, it is also an important milestone in the life of that very supervillain, whose life will become utterly subsumed by their embarrassing defeat at your inexperienced hands. Smuggles here is really the exception that proves the rule. ||Wait what?|| Normally, starter-villains become exponentially more dangerous by the time you next encounter them. So you must never underestimate a villain just because you beat them when you were a little kid wearing garish tights and you happened to be doing parkour near your convenience store right when it was being robbed. So why don’t you all take a moment now to check in on your starter-villain and make sure that you’re still able to beat them!

(All right, that’s a wrap on How To Hero #296. Great job everyone, we’ll see you next week.)

||Um.||

(Oh hey, Smugs. Good work today I guess. In the future we all prefer it when the supervillain correspondent kind of harasses Zach a bit, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re a bit lackluster compared to Dr. Brainwave.)

||Oh well-||

(You know, I didn’t even want to hire you. I was gunning for Snipey McSkullface. That guy has style.)

||In the form of a skull face-tattoo, yes, I’m familiar with him.||

(Anyway, did you need something from me?)

||Er, yes. I was told that this position came with housing?||

(Oh yes definitely it does! You get to move into our super sweet basement! Right this way, follow me.)

||Thank you, it’s tough out there for a costumed smuggler. So I’m kind of in between homes at the moment.||

(Oh yeah? Wearing a distinctive bright costume makes smuggling more difficult? Who would’ve thunk.)

||Sigh.||

(Did you just say “sigh”?)

||So this basement...||

(Oh yeah! Dr. Brainwave used to live there, you know before he exploded, so a lot of his junk is still down there, but don’t worry we did our best to clear out the mutant alligators.)

||What do you mean you did your best?||

(Listen Smugs, at the end of the day mutant alligators will be mutant alligators if you catch my meaning.)

||I’m not sure I do...||

(Ha! Classic Smugs, anyway enjoy your new digs I’ll see you around.)

||Sure... thanks||

||Wow, they really left everything just as it was. All of Dr. Brainwave’s equipment and machinery is still here. This couldn’t have gone better... Now if I just fire up this thing ah, nope, that’s just a feed that shows what everyone else in this building is thinking about. Not what I’m looking for, but I’ll come back for that later maybe... Oh gross, you know what this thing should be burned. Now let’s see, shrink ray, precarious stack of explosives, ah! Here it is! The interdimensional warp gate generator. Excellent. Now, if I just power it up, and set it to the proper frequency. Yes... Yes! Yes it’s working! Oh now they’ll rue the day they disrespected Smuggles. Each of them will pay dearly for how they treated me... now that you’re back old frien-||

Hey, Smuggles? Oh good, Parenthesis Guy got you settled in, just wanted to thank you for your great work today and to check if you needed anythi- What are you doing.

||Oh Zach! Hello! What do you mean?||

Why is there a warp gate open in my basement? What are you doing with that thing?

||Taking my foul revenge on you and everybody else who ever slighted me! The world will crumble before me and my ally!!!||

Listen, if this is about the jokes, I’m sorry about that, but you really don’t want to do this. Trust me, this isn’t going to end well for any of us.

||It certainly won’t end well for you and all of your superhero friends. Ah, there he is. Welcome back, Chuck the Fish Whisperer.||

Oh... this is bad.

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 5 years ago

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Hello, thank you for your response. I'm sorry for all the mistakes I made in those asks, and yes, I've been considering en 9, with 7 and 3 or 4. It's true that I'm avoid unpleasant situations, but I find that anger is one of my strongest emotions, that I'm always avare of, and feel guided by, however strange that may sound. I read that 9s may not know that they are mad, and that does not sound like me. (1/)

I will ask you to bear with me for a little bit more, and see if I can find something useful. I have little to no doubts that I am a sensor, and a feeler. I am really defensive about my logic and thoughts, and I tend to keep quiet cause I'm afraid I'll sound stupid and incompetent and someone will harshly criticise my thoughts. That's why I try to self correct or point out myself if I said something not rational, so others would not do that for me. As I mentioned, I'm afraid of (2/)

being seen as incompetent, cause that's how I feel all the time. I'm not good with knowing how the world works, but I'm good with gathering info. That's what I like to do. I started learning a language because I liked its writing system and I want to understand it, to read a book in it. I like studying, going to lectures and soaking up all that that the teacher is giving, saying. But I remember just a broad scope of the information, the one that somehow stayed in my mind. (3/)

As you see, I don't use English meticulously and precisely by the rules, I know it, I use it, but secretly I am worst that I think I am. The most important thing is that I understand, and I may or may not loose some or a lot of details in the process. Now to the sensing part. I can't really tell if my experiences are objective, as I previously used to think. I'll add a little bit about who I am here. It used to be a big question in my life. A daughter, a student, a woman, all these (4/)

Seemed to fit me, they were too narrow, except from an understanding that I'm a human being. I think that the only thing that can really define me is the person I ma now, not words, not definitions, but an experience of me. Yesterday I was different, tomorrow I will be. The only constant here is me, but I can't really put that in words, so that's why I don't know who I am. I wouldn't say I make my decisions on previous experiences, but it's nice if I already dealt with that and know (5/)

Where this could be headed. Do I consciously recall my experiences and use them? I don't know. Let's say at this point I'd really like 3 new earholes for new earrings. I think it looks cool, I think it would add a little more visual interest to my ears, and I've experienced small metal shining earrings look better on me than bigg ones. Also I think it looks cool.I can remember the place and the day I got my ears pearced the first time. I can see in my mind clips from that moment (6/)

Would I connect earpiercing with that experience? No, I think I have a stronger connection to the aesthetics and it looking cool than to that place, that experience, the sudden pain of the piercing. There was an example about what do red dress means and why. I thought about that I've seen women wear these dresses for dates. Red menas passion. I never had a red dress, I had blue, but I don't even like dresses. In general dresses mean special occasions in my life, but that's universal (7/7)

----------------------------------

Hi anon,

You actually sound far more intuitive to me. This is all extremely abstract and philosophically-leaning from my perspective - the idea that the self cannot be described, the feeling that a single word like “daughter” must be a thing to encompass the whole of you instead of a simple descriptor that describes an aspect, the connection of an experience to aesthetics instead of vice versa, and so on. From the last ask I felt like you seemed insufficiently focused on the future to have healthy Ni, but the idea that your dreams must come to fruition as envisioned, rather than making a contingency plan (Si/Ne axis) or making the best of the here and now (Se), is far more typical of Ni than any other perceiving function. There’s also a lot here about getting the essence rather than the details, and while it’s important to get both, I have to focus on what you yourself focused on.

I don’t have a strong sense of Te vs. Fe from these, and additionally between the two series of questions there’s a lot of things that seem very much in flux. I think there’s a general strong focus on how you are seen by others, which makes me lean towards Fe, but I’m not confident enough to say.

Enneagram 9 is still absolutely possible. Some 9s don’t realize they are angry, but some do (9w8s in particular) and a lot of this and the previous question seemed to fit the lower end of average health 9s, specifically the following:

“Begin to minimize problems, to appease others and to have ‘peace at any price.’ Stubborn, fatalistic, and resigned, as if nothing could be done to change anything. Into wishful thinking, and magical solutions.”

So, tentatively, high Ni and 9w8, maybe with Fe.

#mbti #enneagram #Anonymous

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forbetterorworsefinalspace · 5 years ago

Text

Dog’s Breakfast

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: Final Space

Part: 5

Link- 🌌

_______________________________________________________

Finally Sheryl begins her search for the Dimensional Keys, Gary just gets in the way and Sheryl goes through an actual mom experience.

Just don't get your hopes up.

_______________________________________________________

“Don’t run o- GARY! DO NOT RUN OFF!”

“I won’t!” Gary responded, still taking off in the same direction.

Oh FUCK me….

Sheryl ran a hand down her face as she watched the child stop to look at a sale stand. They were currently on day one of their stay in Furtasanguinis and it was their first day in the marketplace. This city was the largest on the planet, and the black market here was more of just a market. All around were shady characters, buying and selling wears. Sheryl eyed a bird monster who shuffled by, dripping in a green goo that was likely alien blood.

So you know, a child friendly location.

She had set up a meeting with one of her contacts, who would either know something about these keys, or know who to ask. It was in half an hour by the fountain- well, fountain turned drowning pool. Sheryl frowned as a large group of Aliens began to drown another in the muddy water, the fountain just spurting sludge.

“Mom! MOM! Come look at the bugs store!!”

Sheryl kept watching the drowning, pulling a ciggy out to light up. Gary just kept on calling her.

“Mom! Mom!! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!Mom!! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!Mom!! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!-”

“Eh?” Sheryl responded when the alien finally went slack and the bubbles stopped.

“Bug store mom!”

Uhhhhh…

Sheryl turned and slumped over to the vender Gary was referring to. The vendor was a lean character with eight arms, three eyes and a weird feeler mouth, like a shrimp. On his table were a variety of bags in jars and cases, from all over the universe.

“Look! Mooncake could’a made some friends.” Gary tapped one of the cases with a weird slug, crab thing inside. “C-cute little guys!”

“Mooncake?” Sheryl asked, smoke wafting from her mouth.

“Yeah! My Lunar moth caterpillar! He’s in the jar back home.” Gary smiled.

“Oh that thing.” Sheryl responded lazily, smoking her cigarette.

“Uh huh!” Gary looked over the display. “I wonder if there are any earth bugs here?”

“Nah, not rare enough.” Sheryl sniffed.

“Do you know any of these?” Gary asked, gesturing to them. “What are they?”

“Sure lets see.” She started pointing at them with her cigarette. “Endangered, endangered, rare, endangered, venomous, poisonous, on the no trade list, endangered, technically extinct, venomous,-”

Then alien vending the shop started to yell at them then, shaking four of his eight arms. He was screeching in a forgin language but Sheryl understood every word. Gary darted behind her but Sheryl didn’t notice him, she was solely focused on the very angry broomstick before her.

She let him finish, not moving an inch, but when he was done, she took out her cigarette and fried back at him. Twice the intensity, twice the volume and twice the vulgarity. No one stopped to watch as this was pretty commonplace, but the shop vender was certainly shaken, head ducking lower and lower as Sheyrl blasted him, verbally into next week. Finally he just took off, scuttling into the back of his shop, crying a little.

Victorious, Sheryl put her smoke back in her mouth, dusted off her shirt and went back to the fountain, Gary trailing behind.

“What happened?! Why was he such a wet turd?!” Gary whined, staring back at the store. “He just started yelling!”

“Thought I was calling his wears garbage.” Sheryl said, sitting down on a bench near the fountain. “I showed him who the real garbage was though.”

“Oh.” Gary looked back. “How you speak his language?”

“I speak many languages, all part of the espionage business Gary.” Sheryl sniffed, tapping her cigarette free of ash. “Tweedlepick is actually pretty easy to learn. It's just making the right mouth shapes that’s hard. They got that bottom feeder mouth shape, more blubbing.”

“Wow! Can you show me to do that?” Gary asked, excited.

“Ahhh, maybe later kiddo.” Sheryl spotted her contact through the crowd. “Here, my friend just showed up, stay close to me.” She tossed her smoke into the muddy water and was shocked when it erupted into flame in an instant, people yelling and screaming. It died down in less than five seconds though, so she shrugged and walked off.

“Sssherylllll…” The hooded centipede creature hissed, red glowing eyes peering out at her.

“Scheer, yah old bastard, how are you?” Sheryl asked, clasping him on the back.

“Allssss welll. You?”

“Not as well.” She admitted. “I have a sorta mission I’m on, trying to find something called Dimensional Keys. You ever heard of ‘em?”

“Dimenssssional Keysss…” Scheer garbled, scratching his chin with a bone like hand. “I have heard whisssperssss.”

Thank god, maybe this wasn’t a goosechase from a drunken nightmare.

“Oh? What have you heard?”

“That they are but the thing of legandssss.” Scheer explained, shuffling on his many legs. “However, I have not looked into them much farther than that.”

“How much would that cost?” Sheryl asked.

“Dependssss on how much work it issss.” He chuckled deeply. “My work issss not cheap.”

“I got money.” Sheryl said. “And some nice Earth shit. You don’t get much Earth drugs up here, do you?”

“Mmmmmmmm…” Scheer looked thoughtful. “No….”

“Tell you what, you put your feelers out, get the ball rolling, and I’ll let you have a taste.” Sheryl smiled. “Follow through, get me what I want, the entire stash I have is yours.”

“How much issss there?”

“Truthfully only a couple dozen bags, but when something isn’t plentiful, you can charge more for it.” She explained. “So what do you say?”

“...I will ssssee what I can find.” He crackled. “However if the effort beginsss to outway the reward, I may have to raissse my pricesss.”

“Your always worth the costs Scheer.” Sheryl said, but leaned in close. “Just don’t try to fuck me over.”

“I can only assssk for the sssame thing.”

“Then we understand one another.” Sheryl said, standing back. “When should I expect news?”

“Give me an Earth week.” Scheer whispered, starting to scuttle away. “I’ll sssee what I have for you.”

“Alright then.” Sheryl said, watching him leave.

Same old Scheer, even after all these years. Slimy but reliable.

Anyway, there was no real reason to stick around for now. They could grab some food and head back to the Trailer, where she parked in the middle of the woods.

“Alright Gary, lets-” Sheryl turned and looked at her feet, only to find dirt.

Oh god damn it.

“Gary.” Sheryl scowled, looking up over the crowd and stalls around her. “Gary!”

Nothing.

Confused, Sheryl looked to the bug stand to the west.

No.

Then to the street meat buggie to the east.

No.

Then everything in between.

NO.

“Gary?” She called, looking around a few more times, to no avail.

He was just gone.

A small shard of glass stabbed at something under her rib the moment she realized Gary was awol. It was a forgin emotion to Sheryl, she had never felt it before and she stall for a moment.

Fuck.

Fuck! FUCK! God Damn, shitty FUCK!

Sheryl forced herself to breath. Calm down! There are only two reasons Gary could be gone. Either he wandered off, or he was taken away. There's no time to panic.

She knelt to the ground, looking in the dirt.

Thankfully earth sneakers were a very visible and traceable patterns.

She followed them a little ways away to an alley, where they quickly turned into a scuffle before two larger prints were running down into the shadows.

Great. Kidnapped.

Sheryl looked down the alley with a scowl.

Should she really go after him? Honestly she told him to stay by her. What use was he if he didn’t listen.

Sheryl rolled her eyes.

Supplies would last longer for one person. Be more quiet. Less mess and disorder. Hell, she may get the job done faster. Not to mention he’d just be a liability wherever they go…

She should just go back to the ship and forget about this.

‘What kind of monster has a child with someone, just to steal some plans?!’

‘If yah ain’t gonna be useful, you should just get busy dyin’!’

‘No ones comin’ ta save you this time sweetheart. Your rooted.’

Sheryl inhaled deeply and scowled, but started down the darkened alley.

Fuckin hell.

Thankfully the footprints were very distinct, she was able to follow them through the winding pathways to edge of the marketplace. A few places they were cluttered or destroyed by other prints, but she was able to guesstimate where they were headed and catch up farther down the line with the tracks again.

Finally she came out to a more stable like area of the city, bustling with aliens and animal aliens of all sorts. Looking down she could see a large stack of cages by a shipping container, and Gary was seated in one at the bottom.

Sheryl ambled over and knelt beside the sniffling boy, she stared to a nearby wall.

“So!” She said, startling him. “What’cha doing Gary?”

“Mom!” He scrambled to wipe his eyes and turned to her quickly. “Your here! Some jack-ass-alope took me away and locked me up in here!!”

“Did he.” She stated. “Now how in the hell did he do that with you standin’ right next to me?”

“Uhhhh…” Gary deflated.

“Could it possibly be that you didn’t listen and took off?”

“...Maybe…”

Sheryl blew some hair out of her face. “Mmm, ok then. Have a good life Gary.” She stood up and began to walk away.

“H-hey! Wait!” Gary waved at her to stop. “Aren’t you gonna save me?”

“You made your choice Gary, now you have to live with it.” Sheryl tutted. “I mean, clearly your able to go off on your own, like you wanted-”

“No! No! I just wanted to see the shops while you talked!” Gary shouted, panicking.

“I dunno, you don’t seem to want to listen to me.” Sheryl hummed, looking at her nails. “It might be best if we-”

“No! Don’t leave me here!!!”

Sheryl paused, looking to the ground for a few seconds before groaning. She came back and squatted by the cage, eyes narrowed. “You gonna listen to me?!”

“Yes!”

“You gonna do as your told?!”

“Yes!Yes! Pease!!!”

She grunted. “Fine.”

“HEY! Who are you!?” A voice shouted angrily. Gary yelped and crawled deeper into the cage as Sheryl turned around. She looked up into the face of a very grumpy, toad like alien. Then down to a set of very framilerly shaped feet. “Get away from my products!”

“Right.” She reached into her boot for her combat knife and stood. “Let’s get this over with.”

Ten minutes later she left the city in the direction of the camper, dripping in blue blood. Again no one paid her any mind, not even when she had Gary in one hand, forcing him along in front of her by the back of his shirt.

“When we get back home, you are in charge of dishes, mopping and getting the fire ready- DO NOT LIGHT IT UNTIL I AM THERE- I will be taking a soak in the tub.” Sheryl ordered, making him walk up onto a bridge. “I am understood?”

“Yes mom.”

She let him go and kept walking, heading back to camp. Gary took a moment to catch up to her.

“Mom…”

“Eh?” She grunted.

“T-thanks for not leaving me behind.” He sniffled. She glanced at him, frowning when she saw he was sporting a black eye, clothes dirty and hair askew.

She looked back out to the woodlands. “Yeah, well, don’t make me regret it.”

Gary didn’t respond.

#sheryl goodspeed #gary goodspeed #Fanfiction #final space #bad parenting #Hurt no comfort

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lovehaswonangelnumbers · 5 years ago

Photo

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/mars-crosses-galactic-center-and-enters-capricorn/

Mars Crosses Galactic Center and Enters Capricorn

By Tanaaz

On February 13-14th, Mars aligns with the Galactic Center, a supercharged, potent spot in the cosmos. The Galactic Center sits at around 27 degrees of Sagittarius and as Mars crosses this point, it undergoes an upgrade of its energy.

With this upgrade, Mars is vibing high and is preparing to leave Sagittarius, with all this new knowledge and wisdom, for the sign of Capricorn where it will remain until March 30.

Mars has not been in Capricorn since March 2018, but as it enters this earth sign in 2020, it will be joining a slew of heavyweight planets including Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto.

Mars combining with these heavyweight planets is going to amplify the energy of this earth sign and help to bring about the high vibrational shiftsthat are playing out all through the year.

As Mars, fresh off the Galactic Center moves into this busy zodiac of the sky, we may feel a need to look at how we are using our energy, the motivations behind our goals, and what fears may be holding us back or driving our decisions.

As Mars meets both Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto at various points through its journey in Capricorn, it is also going to elevate and energize their vibrations, strengthening their message.

You can read more about the significance of Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto in Capricorn and the message they are sharing here.

Mars in Capricorn is a very ambitious placement, but also a methodical one too.

We may feel ourselves needing to slow down in order to achieve our goals. We may find ourselves needing to pay attention to the smaller details before proceeding ahead.

Mars wants us to push past our fears and blocks so we can head out into the world and get things done. Capricorn however, wants us take our time and ensure the rules, laws, and natural order is followed.

Balancing these energies will be key during this time, and amazing strides can be made if we take our time and ensure we are crossing our t’s and dotting our i’s.

Mars Changing Signs Exercise

As Mars crosses the Galactic Center and moves signs, it’s also a great time to review and assess your overall energy levels. Here’s a little exercise to help-

1.) Write down 10 things you do on a daily basis that may zap and deplete your energy levels. If it helps you can start each item on your list with – “It’s exhausting when…”

For many, anxious or repetitive thinking, worrying about the opinions of others, indecision, and fear of making the wrong choice can all be things that deplete energy.

Lifestyle choices like our diet and exercise routine can also play a role as well.

2.) Look at your list and then make it a point to bring awareness to when you notice yourself doing these things throughout the day. You can also think of ways to replace these habits too.

3.) If you like, you can also further open to these energies by reciting this prayer/mantra-

“I ask to become aware of all that depletes me. I ask to be drawn to all that nourishes, nurtures, and supports my energy levels. I ask to become more mindful of the thoughts I choose to keep. Thank you.”

After repeating the mantra, pay attention to what comes up or where you feel drawn.

While we will all feel this energy, here is a short summary of the themes for your Sun sign. If you know your Rising Sign, read for that too-

Mars in Capricorn for Your Sign

Aries

This energy will be guiding you to focus on boundaries, but not just the boundaries you need to create with others but the boundaries you need to create with yourself too. Being patient, waiting your turn, letting others lead the way, these are all things you may be called to do under this energy. While it may be frustrating to give up control, see where you can be in an open state of giving and receiving while also having healthy boundaries in place.

Taurus

This energy will be guiding you to let go of perfectionism and just “do”. If you have been holding yourself back because you don’t feel ready or out of fear, this energy may give you the push you need to take a leap of faith and give things a try. Under this energy, think about where you may be holding yourself back out of fear of not being good enough. Think about where you may be aiming for perfectionism that just isn’t attainable. Once you identify any areas, see if you can create a shift by addressing anyfeelings of shameor just by becoming aware of when they show up.

Gemini

This energy will be guiding you to look after your health and wellbeing, not just on a physical level but on a spiritual level too. Your spiritual connection is deepening and this is a time where you are really being asked to go within and listen to your inner compass. You may have lots of ideas or projects bubbling away in your mind, but it’s your heart that knows the way. As always, if you need some help deciphering what is happening within, begin writing down your thoughts and feelings till you can write no more.

Cancer

This energy will support you finding a mentor, coach, therapist, or teacher. If you are looking for any of these things, put your feelers out there during this time as you are sure to get some great leads. If you need some support, this would be a good time to speak up and reach out for help, whether it’s at home or in the office. You can’t do it all alone, and you don’t have to. This is also a time to think about balancing your needs with the needs of others in all the relationships in your life. Don’t burn the candle at both ends.

Leo

This is a great time to focus on your fitness. If you want to lose weight, gain muscle, or just be fit and healthy, this is a great time to make it a priority. This energy will be supporting any new diet or lifestyle plan you may have in mind and helping you to stick with it for the long term. While you may feel amped up under this energy, be aware of burnout or pushing yourself too hard. Be sure to listen to your body under this energy and if you need to rest, be sure to do that too.

Virgo

This energy will spice up your love life and help you to feel more passionate. Channel this energy into your work or relationships. You may find you feel more energized when you spend quality time with your partner or friends. This is also a great time to socialize and put yourself out there- you never know who you may meet. Your creative energy will also be high and you will feel unstoppable. Write all your good ideas down.

Libra

Under this energy, you may be guided to bring an end to bad habits that have been blocking your productivity or zapping your energy levels. Think about what you need to thrive throughout the day and then work on creating a schedule that mirrors that. You may also find yourself needing to have a difficult conversation with a family member or roommate, but you may wish to get your anger out first before approaching them. This energy is also great for cleaning out the clutter from those cupboards.

Scorpio

This energy will be guiding you to speak up however, tread carefully. While you may want to keep it real and say it like it is, you may have to be a little more tactful and use some of that watery energy to bring a little compassion to whatever you have to say. Don’t be hard on yourself during this time either, and if you need, bring some of that soft, compassionate energy towards yourself.

Sagittarius

This is a fantastic time for you to think about ways you can bring in extra income or perhaps add a little extra to your savings account. Open yourself to receiving as this energy can be positive for your finances. On a deeper level, this energy will guide you to release any fears you may have around your self-worth and feelings of acceptance. We all feel like we don’t belong sometimes, but you are not alone! There is a tribe out there for you, put yourself out there, be patient, and give yourself time.

Capricorn

This is a 5-star placement for you and a great time to get to work on those projects that may require a lot of your time and patience. The Universe will be giving you a boost of energy, so be sure you are open to receiving it! You may also feel drawn to take a trip, read a book, or take a course that brings about a new level of self-discovery or self-growth. This is also a time where your habits and energy levels are transforming, so make some positive new choices.

Aquarius

This energy is helping you to purge old motivations that no longer serve you. You may find yourself feeling burnt out and in need of some rest and relaxation. Allow this energy to recharge your mind, body, and soul. Be patient with the process and re-evaluate your goals and the driving force behind them. While you may feel like you are not making much progress in the physical world, Mars in Capricorn will be helping you to make progress in your inner world. The inner work you do during this time will propel you further in the future.

Pisces

This energy will be giving you added support to go after your goals and dreams. Take a moment to think about something you would like to do or create this year. Visualize it in your mind, write it down on paper, and then use this Mars energy to set the wheels into motion. In order to step into the vibration of receiving and attracting your dream, find ways to help others achieve theirs. In this flow of giving, you will receive.

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