#before that i lived in russia and was constantly in the closet because i was scared | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

arigatouiris · 5 years ago

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zenosyne // m. atsumu x reader

Author’s Note: I like breaking cocky anime men that I find attractive and giving them a lot of angst because I’m evil and how much I love Miya Atsumu is beyond comparison uwu Hope ya’ll like this angst fest~

Also I understand that cheating is a bit of an iffy topic, and I’m sorry if this material offends anyone here. I can picture this scenario and I’m sorry if some of you don’t agree. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Word count: 5649 words

Pairing: Miya Atsumu x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, trigger warnings, abusive households, alcoholic parent, fluff at the end

The average human being took 21 days to break a habit; but if that average human was Miya Atsumu, breaking the habit was as sporadic as the weather in Tokyo. He never liked Tokyo as much, and found home within Hyogo, but his games had him move so much that it sometimes made him yearn for a place that no longer existed.

Miya Atsumu did not have habits that he wanted to forget. Unless that habit included staring into the stands, searching for you, it was harmless.

After their penultimate win for that season, the MSBY Black Jackals celebrated; the crowd was loud, the cheers were everywhere—Atsumu always hated the loud that came with the audience, but he tolerated it because you would stand among them, waving at him, a large grin on your face, all directed at him. He’d raise his hand and hold it in the air for a couple of seconds, for you to see, and you would—before your grin only got wider. Atsumu would never admit what that sight made him feel, a sight that he believed he’d see for the rest of his life; but there he was, during their penultimate win that season, and you were not there.

It wasn’t even a force of habit, because his eyes never landed on the stands before. Or had they? Did Atsumu always do this? It had been over three weeks since permanently severing ties with you, and yet, his eyes kept travelling back there.

Three weeks—as long as it took to break a habit.

It was no breakup, Atsumu remembered very clearly how the phone conversation went. There was no verbal acceptance of the relationship ending, it was just one fact over another, and a misplaced goodbye from your end. You’d always managed to bag the good person card, and he didn’t mind giving it to you, either way.

“Miya-san!”

Shoyo’s form created a disturbance in the blond’s mind—the shorter male’s hands were raised to give him a high-five, which Atsumu absentmindedly delivered. But his mind was elsewhere. They say absence was also a presence, on a metaphysical level, the absence of scorpions falling from the sky itself contains the absence. The moment the mind comprehends the absence of something, that something is perpetually present. It was inevitable to miss you, because your absence screamed your presence louder. And he hated himself and hated you, too, for the ruin you’d made of each other.

But, you would be there. During every single game.

Starting from high school to how his career passed in the Black Jackals, Miya Atsumu’s sassy girlfriend would be present in the stands, cheering quietly, chuckling at his misses, nervous at his slips, and ecstatic at his victories.

Miya Atsumu wouldn’t call you perfect, but he knew in all angles that you were. Once you let someone in, you were impossible to forget. There was something about you that crawled inside a person and built a nice comfy home there, your goodness expanding until it filled every limb. You were strangely relatable to an M&M, he thought. A reverse M&M, all sweet and smooth on the outside with a tough shell inside.

It went without saying that back in high school, he was a bit of a jerk; not just anyone would catch his eye. And if Miya Atsumu was dating just one girl from his third year till he finished university and entered a sports contract with the MSBY Black Jackals, you were truly something else. In high school, you were in a non-canon school band, you sang, played the guitar, and you were part of the track team. You scored well in studies, you wrote papers based on some research findings that he barely had any idea about—you were practically all over the place and it was hard to miss you.

Miya Atsumu wouldn’t call you perfect, but he knew he’d be an idiot if he used any other word to describe you.

He loved every second of being with you because you wouldn’t make it easy for him. The second Atsumu felt like things were becoming stagnant, you’d either go missing or you’d throw at him a new challenge—you’d even fucking beat him at volleyball if you had to (thankfully, this never happened). You were constantly moving, leading the way, the complete opposite of what Atsumu thought most relationships would entitle with him around. it wasn’t that you tried hard to please him, no; it was that you were this way all this while, and Atsumu was just lucky.

You confessed to him first, serenading him in front of the entire volleyball team—throwing him for a toss and then laughing at his reaction of absolute surprise. It was as if he wasn’t allowed to be surprised at all, because there you were, pointing at his face and gawking, laughing till you had tears in your eyes.

“What’s with that face, ‘Tsumu-Tsumu?”

Oh, how you got on his nerves.

After that incident, when the school walked around talking of how you’d humiliated Miya Atsumu by throwing a pretend confession, he’d known the truth. You’d never pull something like that without a base; he knew that your words and feelings were true, but he also knew that you’d not just stop there. So what if you liked him? That did not mean you were under his beck and call—and god, that drove him crazy.

“Go be someone first, pretty boy,” you’d said and he had no idea what the fuck you meant.

As much as Atsumu loved back and forth flirting, with you, it just got frustrating because he knew that he was the one being thrown under a bus more than you were.

Two weeks went by with air flirting and tension filled winks in the corridor, which thus forced the blond to physically drag you into the broom closet in Inarizaki’s volleyball club gym, and seduce you using the mere power of his lips, tongue and hands. His words were a demand and that made you chuckle, that chuckle that made him want to simultaneously end your life or scream into the skies—he had no idea. But, you would never admit that the way he kissed you right then had stolen your words and the laugh was merely a shy response to maintain the cool demeanor you had so flawlessly carried out till then.

“Miya-san, is everything okay?” Shoyo’s voice alerted Atsumu when they were heading out of the stadium.

Atsumu ruffled the boy’s orange head before chuckling, “Ya just caught me a bit off guard there.”

It had nothing to do with Shoyo. He walked out with his team toward where the bus was, and a slight ringing sounded in the blond’s ear. He was aware that hearing a C minor in your ear constantly when no noise surrounded them was an indication of deafness, but right then, only your face kept flashing in his mind because you were the one who told him that.

You would tell him a lot of things, starting from random facts about volleyball players in Russia, to the way dolphins communicated, or even about the first man who climbed the tallest peak in the world.

But, Miya Atsumu never realized that you would never, ever speak about yourself. The attention was always directed either at him or the world, and it hurt Atsumu to even think of how he never even noticed that she remained invisible all throughout this time. it was as if she didn’t want to speak about herself, like she was living a double life but there was no way Atsumu would know about it because he just never asked.

Dating Miya Atsumu, he realized, was like dating a narcissist; the only difference being, he genuinely cared for you but he wasn’t accustomed to think of others before himself.

No one had told him it was a problem until Osamu had pointed it out, just days after breaking up with you. He was a walking box of angst waiting to spill onto the person who tried to help him, and there wasn’t anyway Atsumu could change unless the person came equipped.

It was unfair, and strangely, close to impossible.

“You were looking at the stands.” Shoyo pointed out, when they got into the bus.

Atsumu blinked before humming, wanting nothing more than to ignore this boy’s curious claims. But, Shoyo’s eyes were nothing like yours—your curiosity was directed at him at all times, but it was never demanding.

Even if you weren’t the sort to direct any attention toward yourself, Atsumu didn’t want to think he was so bad that he wouldn’t have listened if you had just asked. If you had just told him, about anything at all that was bothering you, he’d downright throw everything aside and listen to you; but saying that now, after everything was broken, was rather easy and convenient, even his mind was telling him that these excuses were privileged.

You came with a stubbornness he hated in others, but somehow grew to love in you. And that trait of yours prevented you from telling Atsumu anything about your life at all.

The first time Miya Atsumu tried to break up with you, he wasn’t really thinking straight.

The relationship was moving in a steady pace, something he wasn’t used to with girls. You were busy with track, he was busy with volleyball—what he didn’t know back then was that you were busy with academics, track, your band, and a whole lot of other things he’d only learn of years later. But, the reason Atsumu chose to break up with you for the first time was because you were just never around.

You’d come to his every game; this went without saying, but you’d disappear right after. You’d reply to his messages hours after he’d sent them. You’d come to school earlier than anyone he knew, and he’d see you leave when his practice was about to end.

Communicating you became a task and Atsumu didn’t need to be responsible for that, and while this remained a good, solid reason to break up with you, he still never asked you if you were okay. If Atsumu could go back in time, he’d slap some sense into himself, but things passed in a way only to make him regret in the future—he had no say in it now.

He approached you one evening just before practice, noticed how your winter uniform clung to your skin, your face a bit red from the biting cold, your hands buried in your pockets. Atsumu wouldn’t miss the way his stomach flipped at your eyes sparkling to meet his.

“What’s up, Tsumu?”

“Ya know... This ain’t workin’ out.”

It was the first time he had seen you cry. While 17-year old Atsumu believed it was mainly because he tried breaking up with you, 23-year old Atsumu recalled the way your eyes were already red before he told you, of how there was a mild bruise under your left eye, how your hair was disheveled—and he remembered faintly hearing you tell him that you don’t get cold too easily, so the fact that your hands were shoved in your pockets meant that you were hiding something.

If only Atsumu had known back then.

“H-Hey, (y/n)?”

Just before you were about to tell him it’s alright and it was stupid of you to burst out crying like that, Atsumu’s arms wrapped around your considerably smaller frame and pulled you close.

“We’ll work it out, yeah?”

He was a tad bit annoyed that it didn’t go according to plan, but if he knew how much of a dick he was being back then, Miya Atsumu could have saved himself a great deal of hurt.

Pulling away, he noticed you’d already wiped your tears away. You smile at him, apologetically, invariably throwing his heart to the side, and take his hand in yours.

“I’ll make it up to you.”

And you did. You delivered each time and Miya Atsumu was always thrown for a toss. But, there was a gnawing feeling at the back of his throat, which Atsumu would only realize was guilt years later.

The first time he finds out that your father was a drunk was when you make a dark joke about it.

I’d say that my dad is an alcohol enthusiast, not alcoholic, per say.

The way you said it, it sounded hilarious to him right then. You were laughing, the boys around him were laughing—he should have judged from Osamu’s expression that one of your habits was to turn trauma into humor, but Atsumu ignored his twin brother’s expression and just focused on how intoxicatingly hilarious you were.

As he sat in the bus that was taking the MSB Black Jackals home, Miya Atsumu regretted laughing at that joke.

If only.

Those must be the saddest two words in the world, Miya Atsumu thought.

On some nights, he wonders if his heart would be filled with anything but this regret that was blinding him day in and day out. He had a bad case of the 3:00 am guilts; the ones when he’d simply just lie in bed awake and replay all those things he didn't do right. Because, as he knew, nothing solved insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self-loathing.

“Yer a cool girl, aren’t ya?”

“Is that what you see me as, Tsumu-Tsumu?”

He remembers chuckling, ignoring the fact that your eyes looked puffy.

“Yer the coolest girl in the world to me, (y/n)-chan.”

It was then, drowning in regret, while the bus moved him back to his hotel room, did Miya Astumu realize that living with heartbreak was easy if only it weren’t accompanied by regret.

He hates thinking of how you’d been so supportive, and how you’d still visit each of his games being a grad student, and yet—he was the one who went ahead and threw it all away. The itch in the back of his throat, the one that he felt for the first time back when he was trying to break up with you for the first time, was starting to grow. The itch was getting a bit difficult, Shoyo had to give him a bit of water, slap his back—and yet the itch didn’t subside.

Tsumu-Tsumu, did you try breathing?

Why was it so difficult to breathe with you absent? How dare you take his breath away and never, ever return it?

Some part of him wondered how hard you’d laugh at him if you saw him right then. He was the one who hurt you, he was the one that wronged you, yet, he was the one who broke up with you. If there was a class for disgusting people, Miya Atsumu topped that list effortlessly. It’s true, he never really cared about people disliking him but the thought of you greeting him with anything but a smile twisted his heart in painful ways.

When he was signed with the Black Jackals, Miya Atsumu thinks of breaking up with you for the second time.

He’d have to keep moving, which meant most of your relationship would be long-distance. He wasn’t sure if balancing a volleyball career and a relationship would get him where he wanted to be—so he decided he’d just end things with you before it got too serious.

If only he’d understood back then that a three-year relationship was serious enough, Miya Atsumu would not have gotten drunk and would not have made out rather provocatively with a strange woman whose name or face he did not remember the next day.

The love he felt for you was a borderline comfort that he had drawn out during his high school days. Miya Atsumu pictured it to be the sort of love that is mostly evident when you’re around, supporting him, cheering for him in that quiet, endearing way that you do—but thinking that way was giving you way little credit for what it actually was. Loving you was building a time bomb for himself the second you were not there. Loving you was building the anticipation for your exit, which then brought in the tragic, dark, bone-crunching pain that only came because he had hurt you in so many ways that you’re now forced to push yourself away because he is clearly not good for you, and you clearly deserved better.

The first time he saw you ever since kissing someone else, Miya Atsumu took nearly three seconds to come clean. But it was after spilling the words ‘I cheated on you’ did he notice something that inevitably shattered his soul.

You had a bruise on your chin, your eyes are red, your skin dry, your hair looked terrible—you clearly were not having a good time.

How could he have been so blind?

“(y/n), what happened—”

“Atsumu, you what?”

Heh, he thought before his mind reminded him of his narcisism. How many times had he even asked you how you were doing? What you were doing? How many times had he bothered to ask you if you were doing alright?

The answer devastated him.

“So, this is it then,” You said, and it was when you looked away did he find a splotch of red in the white of your eye.

His heart was rummaging in his chest. The gnawing feeling was back at the edge of his throat. He’s standing there, knowing something was clearly wrong with you, yet all he was acting out on was his own selfish desire of breaking up with you because the thought of continuing this and getting hurt later on was scaring him more.

Miya Atsumu was festering his own demise and he had no idea that he was doing it.

The expression in your eyes was as bitter as nightshade. Atsumu could feel his fingers shaking at how your lips were quivering right then, but you were doing everything you could to hold on. He could see now so clearly how your eyes were welling up with tears, but you chose fortitude over displaying emotions in front of him so you shoot him a smile and tilt your head the way you’d always done before—one of the reasons why he chose you in the first place.

“Tsumu, I hope you’re happy wherever you are,” All he wanted was to scream her name out loud, “That’s all I want.”

How much he hated you right then because every word you said you meant it.

The night three weeks ago, he remembered getting back to his apartment and vomiting his guts out. Miya Atsumu released everything out into his commode, the contents of the food he ate the day before and perhaps that morning—tears stinging the corners of his eyes as he sat there, haphazardly, breathless and tired; hair disheveled but eyes constantly bringing your image to him again and again and again.

What’s done is done, he keeps telling himself, but fuck, why does it feel like he just killed someone?

He was so blinded by your apparent perfection that he didn't recognize the tremendous pain behind your work. You gave him hundreds of images, so many chances to see that you were in trouble. He had failed you.

Atsumu shut his eyes and felt someone tap his shoulder. Turning to his right, he noticed Shoyo, looking at him curiously.

“We’re reached, Miya-san. You look ill.”

The gnawing feeling at the back of his throat was growing.

“Oh! And,” Shoyo grabbed something from the back of his pocket. Taking out his new cellphone, he displayed something to the blond, “Today’s the reunion!”

Fuck, Atsumu thought before running a hand through his hair. It was too late to cancel, Osamu was already going. A part of his heart hoped you’d be there, but he knew that it was wishful thinking.

“Did you have a highschool girlfriend, Miya-san?”

“Hm, yeah—”

Her name was (y/n).

Suddenly, Atsumu grabbed his bottle and chugged the water down, hoping the gagging feeling would subside.

“Miya-san?”

“Yanno, I’ll see ya later, squirt.”

The reunion was placed in a dingy looking bar, only because it was the closest to the university. Atsumu chuckled when he saw Osamu sitting at the corner, looking annoyed. Waving at his brother, Atsumu walked over to sit beside him, in absolute silence, before hearing Osamu click his tongue.

“You smell disgustin’.”

“Nice to see ya too, Samu. I just had a game—”

“Couldn’tya shower?” Osamu sighed, running a hand through his hair.

It didn’t take long for Atsumu to bring you up.

“She ain’t here,” Osamu said, rolling his eyes, “Head from ‘er friend, Sakura something, that ‘er life is practically shit.”

Atsumu wasn’t too surprised to hear this, but there it was again, the gagging feeling at the back of his throat.

“Didja even know ‘er father used to drink, Tsumu?”

He did. He knew.

“So fuckin’ self-centered,” He heard his twin whisper to himself. “Tis a surprise to me that she was even with ya for so long.”

He knew. Yet, he never once addressed it. Never once asked you how you were. Never once bothered to allow himself to know; it was as if he was comfortable being praised within the bubble you had created for him, sheltering him from your nasty background. Only now when he thought about it did he realize how terrible he was, as a friend, as a boyfriend, as a lover—he had failed to be a decent human being to you.

“O’er there’s Sakura something,” Osamu said, pointing to a girl Atsumu remembered would always stick by your side. “She was in the track team with (y/n).”

Atsumu normally would have stayed away; maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the deep mourning he had been feeling from the past few weeks, but in actuality, it was the gnawing feeling that was threatening to spill, it was killing him.

“Sakura-chan, it’s been a while.”

The way this girl sent a glare to Atsumu’s direction almost made him laugh.

“Let me guess, you want to know about (y/n).”

“Was it that obvious?” Atsumu rubbed the back of his head.

Sakura sighed, “Listen, I ain’t tellin’ you shit because you asked. I’m tellin’ you because it’ll do her good to see someone right now and it might as well be you because it clearly won’t be anyone else.”

What the hell does that mean?

“A month ago, (y/n)’s father left them,” Atsumu’s eyes widen, “She had to almost quit college, but her mum found a job at a convenience store. But, (y/n) moved out of her dorm and lives at home now, saving up on the grad school money and helping out.”

“Her father... He...”

“Listen,” Sakura snapped, clicking her tongue, “I ain’t tellin’ you no more of this. Go see her or don’t, she doesn’t need you. God knows you ain’t good for her.”

Atsumu almost nodded at the girl’s statement.

“She told you nothin’ because well, did ya ever ask?”

He goes back to his room after that shit-fest of a reunion, Osamu patting his shoulder a couple of times before making a move. Once he was back, Atsumu instantly broke down—the tears stinging his eyes as they fell, it was as if his tears were made of acid because it had been that long since he had cried for anything.

His hands were shaking, and he needed to do something to stop them from shaking—the feeling was intense and he hated every second of it. Throwing a nasty punch to the wall, Atsumu’s hands were bruised instantly before he realized he was a pro-volleyball player. Heading to the sink, he placed his hands under the running water and breathed, noting that his breath was hitching. He looked out into the water and just stared. Closing his eyes, Atsumu’s legs found themselves dragging him to every corner of his hotel room—finding an inch that could comfort him that night. He settled for the balcony, under the stars, where he found himself begging the sparkling lanterns of light to cure him of himself—his past and the kaleidoscope of mistakes, failures and wrong turns that have stacked unbearable regret upon his shoulders.

The loss of their final game of the season did not him him as hard as it would otherwise have. In the dressing room, he felt his phone buzz and his heart jumped out of his ribcage at the name that had popped up on his phone.

(y/n): Jump set, back set, one set, two set, if setting were easy, they might let you set!

It takes Miya Atsumu less than a few seconds to call you.

“Tsumu? Is everything okay?”

“Where are you?” It was eerie that you were whispering, but it was even eerier that he didn’t know where you were.

He always knew; it felt so strange.

“I’m at work, actually—”

At work? Aren’t you a grad student? He wanted to ask, but words refused to slip out of him right then. The silence stretched out, heartbeat after heartbeat – taut, excruciating. And then, finally, came the first sound:

“I want to see you.”

His voice betrayed him; he didn’t sound like himself, but here he was, stretching out far and thin by a person who made zero effort in ruining him but had invariably managed to do so.

It takes Atsumu even less time to book a cab and head to your location. What surprises him is that it’s the very same convenience store that your mother supposedly works at, but why did you say you were working there? Atsumu’s sudden curiosity over your wellbeing, over your life threw him for a toss. This was not how things were, but this was how things were supposed to be.

And there you were, standing outside the door, hands in your pockets, the green uniform of the convenience store over your clothes.

You stood there, in all your candid glory, confident, yet shy, and angel-like. Your (h/c) hair always seemed to capture whatever available light there was, and your skin, much to Atsumu’s annoyance, was flawless. Today you were wearing a black turtleneck that accentuated every curve and your jeans were structured in a way that they made sure they highlighted the best part of your legs. You had a thick aura of battle around you, and your face was almost doll-like, it was so pleasant to look at.

“Ya work here?” Atsumu wasn’t grinning, you felt odd.

Blinking, “Mum’s a bit tired so I’m covering her shift. Are you—”

“Why didn’t ya come to the reunion?”

“I had to submit a paper earlier today. Sorry, I’d have loved to see everyone!”

Your cheerfulness kills him, and he only hopes it doesn’t show. But, he takes a good long look at you. Yes, you’re just as beautiful—but you have dark circles around your eyes now. You’ve lost a bit of weight. You’ve lost that spark in your eye.

Clearly, you were having a difficult time. Miya Atsumu finds that his heart is breaking at the revelation.

“Tsumu, are you okay?”

Fucking hell.

“Stop.”

Your eyes widen, “Eh?”

“How am I? How are you?! Tell me what’s wrong, (y/n)! Tell me what’s happenin’ with you, I never... I never asked ya so ya never tell me? Am I really that fucked up of a guy? That ya can’t... I loved ya, (y/n), I still... Damn it! I fucked up, okay? I fucked up big time! (y/n)—”

You walk over to him and pat his head, but Atsumu instantly slaps your hand away. You shoot him a glare before patting his head once more and pulling him down forcefully, his head on your shoulder, breathing into it.

“Dad left us,” Atsumu freezes at your words. “He used to drink. He’d throw things sometimes. He didn’t really hit anyone until we’d go over to stop him—”

“That’s fuckin’ horrible—”

“He had his own issues.”

Atsumu pulls away before cursing, “Stop bein’ so fuckin’ understandin’ all the damn time!”

You find yourself giggling at his actions.

“It’s okay now.” You said, giving him a kind smile.

Atsumu shakes his head, “It’s not. It’s not okay, (y/n). What the fuck—Why... Why were you even with someone like me? What the hell is wrong with ya?”

He could see how the anger built up in your eyes, but he wasn’t finished.

“You’re so fucking... perfect,” He rubs a hand over his face in frustration, “Grad student, supporting yer mom, you... you came to every single game o’ mine. Every single game, damn it... I never knew ‘cause you barely showed any signs, but why... Why the fuck were ya with someone like me—”

“Tsumu... You kept me alive, you know?” He refused to believe it. “When I was with you, I could forget things from my life that would have otherwise destroyed me. I grew to love you because of how passionate you were and that passion blinded me,” You went ahead and held his hands in yours, not ignoring the freshly formed bruise on his knuckles.

“I was with you as a choice, Tsumu, and I’d choose you every single fucking time. I wasn’t with you because i had nowhere to go. Don’t ever think that, okay? Because I can very well live fine by myself! I chose to be with you because I love you and I’ll do anything for the people I love,”

He had never seen this face of yours. It was enchanting.

“And I get it, people say choose yourself over boys, but maybe, choosing you was what kept me healthy, because look at me, Tsumu,” You point to yourself, tears leaking out of your eyes, “Take a good long look!”

Miya Atsumu’s eyes widen. You’re so tired, it’s as bright as day now. The spark in your eye almost gone.

“Loving you helped me, and I’m not saying that your self-centered assholery is toxic, no. Yeah, sure, it can be toxic, but I needed it at the time. I... I am not perfect, Tsumu. I’m so far from perfect that it’ll knock your socks off!”

You were rambling now and he remembered that trait of yours—a rare aspect from his past; you’d ramble when you got nervous, your hands flailing cutely in front of you, tracing invisible lines in the air as you tried to narrow down your words. Atsumu’s gaze softens, as he lets you.

“P-Perfection doesn’t come from someone hiding their pain well, it’s... it’s dark and gritty and bloody and sweaty, because it’s so fucking hard—” Your voice breaks in the end.

Atsumu doesn’t waste time in pulling you to his chest, shushing you and kissing your cheeks in the next minute; he holds your face like you are the most precious thing ever.

He takes a breath before asking you something he was afraid to, “I cheated on you, didn’t you get mad?”

You nod, “I got hella mad, I’m still a bit mad, of course! Hey, just because I’m madly in love with you doesn’t make me a doormat, yanno?” You fumble.

Atsumu notices how red your face is now, and he smiles. A genuine smile—one that you hadn’t seen on Atsumu in so, so long. Your hand is in his and he bends to your level, his forehead on your shoulder, and it first comes out as a whisper,

“I’m so sorry, (y/n).”

Your eyes widen slowly.

“I’m so sorry, I love you so much. I’m sorry—”

A second later, you wind your hands around him, hugging him, and it shushes him.

You don’t hesitate, “You gotta make it up to me, you know?”

Atsumu smiles so warmly as he wipes the tears off your eyes, nodding. His hand glides down your arm, folds over your hand. His fingers lace with yours, palms kissing. You could feel the fast thud of his heart through this single touch.

“I’ll do that for the rest of my life, (y/n).”

You make a disgusted face a second later, “Stop being so sappy, Tsumu, ewwww.”

Your hands grasp his collar and bring him down to your level, as you plant a kiss him on his lips. Atsumu kisses back but you could feel the hesitation in his bones, and it annoys you. You pull away, and say the one thing Atsumu has been dying to prove to you.

“Kiss me like you missed me, Atsumu.”

They say a kiss is a secret which takes the lips for the ear. When Atsumu kisses you right then, he could have been whispering the secrets of the universe to you, but you didn’t care. His mouth came down on yours. And that was it. All the self-control he’d exerted over the past weeks went, like water crashing through a broken dam. Your arms came up around his neck and he pulled you against him. His hands flattened against your back, and you were up on the tips of your toes, kissing him as fiercely as he was kissing you. He clung to you more tightly, knotting his hands in your hair, trying to tell you, with the press of his mouth on yours, all the things he could never say out loud.

“I love you so much, Miya Atsumu,” You say, your hands on his cheek, “I’m sorry for not opening up to you.”

With a shake of his head, “I’ll never let ya go, (y/n).”

At that second, neither of you realize that Miya Atsumu would never look at another; the gagging in his throat was gone, replaced with the need to constantly wonder about you—a need to have you by his side permanently. Perhaps, this was growth. One would never know. But, whatever it was, Miya Atsumu was glad that he had found a habit he didn’t ever have to break anymore.

#miya atsumu #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x reader #atsumu miya #atsumu #atsumu miya x reader #osamu miya #miya osamu #inarizaki #msby black jackal #shoyo hinata #miya atsumu imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #reader insert

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cherrybracelets · 6 years ago

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i need my girl [j. hopper x reader]

song inspo | hopper playlist

word count: 4k / warnings: swearing, age gap, alcohol mention, smoking mention

an: this takes place about a year after the events of s3, but this version hop came home safe and sound!!!! this was hella emo and i sobbed a lot. anyways, please leave feedback, feel free to send me a kind message or two. whatever. and as always, listen to the song inspo and check out my hopper playlist i worked very hard on

When you thought about what your life was like a few years ago, before you accidentally saw too much while taking the trash out one night and got sucked in to an entire government conspiracy, it was honestly quite boring. You didn't remember what you did with your days when you weren't hunting shadow monsters and protecting a kid with supernatural abilities. You also don't remember what life was like before you met Jim Hopper. Although, you knew things were definitely much easier.

You had spent most of the last year at his side, you two always being in the right place at the right time to save each other, always reaching for the other first in times of danger. At first you chalked it up to coincidence, sure that you were both just fighting the same battles (literally). But, after a few months of constantly finding yourself in his presence, you realized you couldn't quite live your life without him (again, literally).

Even when you weren't saving the world together, you loved to be by his side. You loved how much he made you laugh, and no matter how many times he heard a song, he still couldn't get the lyrics right. You were starting to have serious feelings for him, and before you knew it you were head over heels crushing. And he felt the same way. He hadn't felt romantic feelings towards someone in a long time, especially someone who was significantly younger than him, and it scared the shit out of him.

He tried for a long time to ignore it, push it deep down inside, but before he left for Russia, he left you a detailed letter explaining how he felt. It broke your heart, especially because you didn't know if you'd ever see him again. But he came home, and as soon as you saw him, he asked you if you had read his letter, and for some reason you said no. You had convinced yourself that things would never work with you two , and you were terrified to hurt him. He had gone through so much, he didn't deserve to be with someone with just as much trauma. With everything you'd been through together, it seemed impossible to have a healthy, light-hearted relationship, and that's what he deserved. He never asked again about the letter, and you just figured he came to the same conclusion when he was away.

But despite it all, he was still your best friend, and that's why almost every day around lunch time, you found yourself waiting outside his office to bring him his lunch. He wouldn't eat healthy unless you literally sat and watched him eat every bite of his salad. He was a dad now, he had to take care of himself for her. That's what you always said to him, but also, you wanted him to be around as long as possible, because you couldn't imagine a world without him.

You sat eagerly on a shitty chair, looking around the station for the millionth time, staring at the same posters and flyers. You held his salad, and your own, in a small paper bag on your lap. The scent of grilled chicken filling your nostrils and making your stomach rumble. You threw your head back in frustration, hoping whatever was keeping Hop from letting you in his office was worth it. Whenever he was late to anything, though, you got a twinge of fear deep inside of you, that somehow he had gotten hurt- or worse, killed. You shook the thought out of your head, knowing he was probably just stuck on the phone listening to Dan complain about the neighborhood kids cutting his flowers again.

Hoppers office door swung open, and he greeted you with a large smile. "Hey, sorry I'm late- some crazy lady called about 'evil' birds at the park," he said, chuckling slightly. He motioned for you to come in, to which you quickly hopped up and walked over. He closed the door behind you, taking his hat off and letting out a large sigh.

"Listen, I'm not saying I would rather be fighting Russians, but God this job can be boring sometimes," he groaned, grabbing his salad from the bag and opening the container grumpily.

"Don't say that, you'll jinx yourself. How much you wanna bet a huge emergency is gonna come in soon?" You responded, laughing to yourself.

"I highly doubt that." Hopper poured a cup of dressing onto his salad and mixed it around a bit, playing with the lettuce. "What are you up to tonight?" He asked, taking a bite of chicken.

"Oh, I didn't tell you? Joyce set me up on some blind date with the pharmacist at her job," you answered in between large bites. You were too hungry to wait and make small talk with Hop today.

"A date?" He asked, shocked. His eyes were wide, eyebrows raised, an overall look of surprise covering his face.

"Yeah, according to her he's a great guy. We'll see, though, she set me up with some loser last month." You were staring at your food intensely, but looked up quickly to catch a look of disgust in Hoppers face.

"I didn't realize you were dating," he said in a hushed tone. He had put his fork down and crossed his hands on his desk.

"Sorry, it didn't seem like the type of thing I needed to run by you," you responded, sarcastically. You rolled your eyes at him, and continued eating. He just shook his head silently, picking up his fork and playing with his food again.

"I just figured it would be something you would've talked to me about, considering..." he trailed off.

"Considering what, Jim?" You looked up at him, his eyes locked on yours. You knew what he was thinking, what he so desperately wanted to say, to yell to you. Because you two loved each other. Although, it would never be said. It would never be said, because it couldn't happen. It wasn't supposed to happen.

"Nothing, never mind. Sorry." He stammered a bit over his words, and took a large bite of food to shut himself up. You two ate in silence for a few seconds, a thick fog of tension and awkwardness hanging between you. "Where are you guys going?" He asked.

"Enzo's. Six-thirty."

"Sounds good. Sounds really great..." He took another large bite and sighed. The two of you finished eating, only making light conversation through the rest of the lunch. You could tell he was upset, he wasn't doing a good job at hiding it. A part of you wished you'd never told him, but you knew he would have to know some day. You left pretty quickly after you finished eating, telling Hop you had to get back to work. But in all honesty, you just wanted to get out of there.

You walked back to work slowly, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed with life. You were getting that feeling in your chest and gut again, the same feeling you had when you read Hoppers leader for the first time. This feeling of intense love, not caring about anything else in the world except seeing him and holding him, protecting him from everything this world could throw at you. You wanted to run back into his office, wrap your hands around his face and kiss him, not let a single thing come between you.

But you shook it away, burned it out of your brain. You tried to think about what you were going to wear tonight, and how you were going to do you hair. Hopper really liked this blue dress you had, you wore it to El's birthday party this year. But it didn't matter what Hop liked, because this wasn't a date with him. So fuck the blue dress, you'll wear something else, something for you.

You continued walking quickly, back to your office, your mind sweeping your closet to find an outfit for tonight. For the first time since making the plans, you were actually kind of exciting. It would be nice to have a normal conversation with someone, for once. You had almost forgotten what it was like to talk about the weather, gossip about the locals, just be a normal adult. It kind of sounded boring, but safety was boring, you'd learnt that very well over the past year. There was suddenly a cold breeze of autumn air that rushed past you, raising goosebumps across your body. You felt yourself shiver as it passed you, a familiar dark feeling crawling over you. You shook it off, knowing you were perfectly safe in Hawkins, now. At least, that's what you had hoped.

You walked into your office building and took the elevator to your floor, trying to figure out what you could talk about tonight. You finished up your work for the day fairly quickly, it was slow at the office this time of year, and you were exceptionally bored today. When five o clock rolled around, and it was time to go home for the weekend, you happily walked out to your car and took in the fresh air. You didn't get much of it, closed away in your cubicle.

You drove home, enjoying singing along to the radio, windows rolled down and the crisp smell of pumpkins and changing leaves filling the space of your car. Fall was your absolute favorite time of year, there was something about the way nature felt so welcoming, so forgiving, during fall. The warm colors of the leaves felt like you were being wrapped up in blankets and a warm fire crackled away in front of you. The smell of crisp apples and the excitement of kids picking out their Halloween costumes. Your mind suddenly fell to El, remembering a few weeks ago when you promised you'd help her pick out a costume this year.

You loved El, and you loved whenever you got to make dinner for her and Hopper, renting girly rom coms and forcing him to watch while he just sat silently, rolling his eyes and grunting at every cheesy line. And after El would go to bed, you and Hop would sit on his deck, smoking and sharing a six pack of beer, watching the stars travel above you. There was one night, back in July, Max had invited El over for a sleepover, and it was just the two of you that night.

Hopper was off his ass drunk, trying to tell you about the stars, despite knowing absolutely nothing. He was pointing them out, giving them all names of people he knew, dying laughing as he mocked Steve and Mike.

"Do you see that one, up to your right?" He pointed to a large, glowing star, cigarette butt hanging in his fingers.

"Of course." You watched the way the moonlight brightened up his eyes, and you could see deep inside his soul. Perhaps you had had a bit too much to drink, as well. But to this day, you swear he had completely opened himself up that night. You had seen all of him, no rough shell protecting him, no grumpy exterior. Just... Hopper.

"That star is you."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because it's the most beautiful one. The biggest, brightest. No matter what, I can't look away from it. Despite the thousands- no, millions of other stars up there, that's the one I will look at for the rest of my life." Hopper stared wide-eyed at the star, a smile growing on his face. You watched him, not sure what to say, wanting to know so badly how his lips would feel pressed against yours. What it would be like to love him.

"I gotta pee," he said, loudly, giggling as he stood up and walked inside. You sat on the porch, taking another sip of beer and a long drag of a cigarette. You stared at the star, burning in into your memory.

You were brought back from your thoughts when a car horn broke through your memory. You were sitting at a light that had turned green, and the people behind you were getting pissed. You waved your hand to apologize and began to drive, pulling onto your street. You finally got into your driveway and parked your car, taking a moment of silence before getting out and going inside. You were greeted by your dog, who was happily barking at the window as he saw you pull in.

You headed to your bedroom and began scouring through your closet, determined to find something incredible for tonight. Luckily for you, buried deep in the back was a forgotten dress from your sisters wedding. You pulled it out, smiling at the find. It was a deep plum that looked beautiful with your skin and hair color, and perfectly accented your curves in all the right ways. You couldn't believe you forgot about this! It was perfect!

You quickly curled your hair and freshened your makeup, doing your best to make yourself look somewhat together. You slipped into your purple dress and put on a pair of cute black heels. You did a double check in the mirror, flattening out the sides of your dress and flipping your hair a few different ways before settling on a style. You took a deep breath, feeling a rush of different emotions as you walked out your door and to your car. You drove slowly to the restaurant, keeping the windows rolled up to avoid the wind messing up your hair.

When you pulled up to Enzos, you handed your keys to the valet, and walked shyly inside. You stood at the podium, waiting for the hostess to come back from seating another couple.

"Hello, welcome to Enzos, how can I help you?" She smiled kindly at you, turning her head slightly while waiting for your response.

"Hi, I'm meeting someone here on a date. We had reservations, should be under Matt..." you trailed off, peaking down at her list.

"Oh, yes, those reservations were cancelled earlier today." She frowned at you, and double checked her list a few times.

"Uh, I'm sorry, that can't be right. Matt Palmer?" You shook your head in confusion, crossing your arms and letting out an annoyed sigh.

"Yes, miss, I'm sorry... He called around three to cancel. I spoke with him directly."

"Well, that's just great. I'm glad he called to let you know," you responded, angrily. You rolled your eyes in frustration. "Do you guys have a phone I can borrow?"

The girl looked slightly annoyed, but smiled through it and handed you their landline. You started dialing Matt's number, ready to scream at him for standing you up. Who cancels at the restaurant, but doesn't even have the decency to call his date himself?

Matt picked up, and cheerily said, "Hello, Matt speaking."

"Matt, hey, good to hear from you. It's (Y/N)... what the hell, dude? Did you seriously cancel our date and not tell me?" You were talking quite loudly, and were getting obvious stares from the elderly couple waiting to be seated. The hostess was staring at you, and awkwardly smiled when you made eye contact.

"Woah, (Y/N), I didn't want to cancel. I just talked to Joyce today, and she told me you didn't want to go anymore?" Matt sounded genuinely confused, his voice in full defense mode.

"What?" You whispered, shocked. "I haven't even talked to Joyce today... why the hell..." you trailed off, racking your brain as to why she would say that.

"Listen, I can meet you there in thirty minutes if you still want to go? I'm sorry for all the confusion, honest... I was excited for tonight! I bought new cologne!"

"Matt... I'll call you soon, okay, we can reschedule. I'm pretty sure I know exactly who pulled this shit." You angrily hung up the phone, stomping over to the hostess and handing her the phone.

"So, should I not put your name on the waiting list?"

"I think you know the answer to that," you responded, rolling your eyes and walking quickly out of the restaurant. You waited on the sidewalk for the valets to bring your car back around, fuming with anger. When your car got there, you hopped in quickly and sped off towards Hoppers house. You drove in silence, pushing your car way over the speed limit, fingers digging into the fabric of the steering wheel. When you pulled into his driveway, you got out of your car without even taking the keys out of the ignition, running to his front door and slamming on it, loudly.

"Hopper!!" You yelled. The door swung open, and a confused and sleepy looking Hopper answered, a cigarette hanging between his lips. "What the fuck, Jim? I know you told Joyce to cancel my date."

"What? Why would you think that?" He took the cigarette out and threw it in the ash tray next to him.

"Because, I know you were pissed about me going in the first place. I'm not stupid." You crossed your arms and raised your eyebrows at him, ready to hear his next excuse.

"Fuck, okay, I know. I'm sorry... I just... couldn't have you dating him." Hopper put his hand over his eyes and rubbed them, a frustrated groan escaping his lips.

"Why would you do that?" You watched him, watching his body slightly tense up, his hands balled into fists.

"Because, oh for fucks sake... I wrote it in that damn letter that you never got... I just..."

"I got the letter!" You yelled, interrupting his thoughts.

"You... what? Are you kidding me? God, that's fucking great, (Y/N), if you didn't feel the same way, you could've just told me instead of lying to my face about it for a year!" Hoppers lips were pursed, and he was screaming only inches from your face. You could feel the warmth of anger radiating from his body, and the slight smell of his tobacco and vanilla cologne.

"But I do feel the same way, Jim. I fucking do! But I can't... we can't... you deserve something normal, and someone normal... something without baggage, and trauma. Not me... you are a thousand times too good for me, Jim. I need to get out of here..." you mumbled, fumbling back to your car as tears started to rush down your face.

"Wait, don't go!" Hop yelled, slamming his front door behind him and crawling in his truck, turning it on to follow you. You began speeding away, Hopper not far behind you. He turned the lights and sires on in his truck, speeding up to get right on your tail. You shook your head angrily and pressed down on the gas pedal. He did the same, staying close to you.

"Pull over, (Y/N), please!" You heard through his megaphone. "It's illegal to run away from a police officer, ya know, I could have you thrown in jail for this!" He yelled again, laying on his horn a few times. Although you knew he would never actually put you in jail, a wave of nervousness flooded through you, and you pulled your car over into the shoulder of the road. Hopper pulled up behind you, stopping his car and turning off the sirens. Silence flooded around you for a moment, only able to hear the sound of your tears and heavy breathing.

Hopper walked up to your window, tapping on the glass with the butt end of his flashlight. You rolled your window down, and wiped the tears off your cheeks with the back of your hand.

"Do you know why I pulled you over today, miss?" He asked, crouching to meet you face to face. You let out a small laugh, although you tried not too.

"Hopper..." you muttered between breaths.

"(Y/N)... can you step out of the vehicle?" He motioned for you to come outside.

"Are you serious?"

"Are you ignoring a direct order from the chief of police?" He asked. You rolled your eyes, opening your door and standing outside, arms crossed and avoiding his eyes.

"There hasn't been a moment of my life in the past four years that has been normal. Not a single god damn thing, (Y/N). And I love it... the chaos, the adventure... I've saved people. I've saved you... El... I don't want a white-picket fence, golden retriever, apple pie life. I want you... I've wanted you since the first time you jumped in front of a Russian spy to save me... you are the most bad ass, beautiful, intelligent... amazing person I have ever met. You are my star, you are all I see." He pointed behind you, and you turned around to see the same bright, shining star that he compared you too only months ago.

You turned back to him, standing on your toes and cupping his face in your hands. "Hopper... I would spend the rest of my life protecting you if I could... when I read that letter, the first time, I didn't know if I would ever see you again. Every time I'm not with you I feel this large, emptiness sitting inside of me. And a fear... I am so scared without you. You make me feel safe... and loved."

"That's because I am so unbelievably in love with you. I don't want you on any fucking dates with any dumb ass pharmacists," he laughed, wrapping his arms around your waist. "I don't think I would be half the person I am today if you weren't by my side through all of this... you, El... you are my girls. In all honesty, a few years ago, I never thought I would be capable of loving anyone again. In a father way, or a romantic way... and then I met El... and I knew I had to protect her, be the dad I couldn't be with Sara. And then... you... I felt love again for the first time with you."

A single tear had fallen from Hoppers eye, and you wiped it away with your thumb. You pressed your face to his, and kissed him slowly. The first time you had ever kissed him, and it was just how you imagined it. Although his lips were just on yours, you felt it through your whole body, felt his love coursing through your veins. Being held by him was the most amazing feeling you had ever felt. His lips moved with yours, pouring out months of locked-up love, finally being himself, flooding all of his feelings into you.

You broke the kiss and pulled your face away, wanting to see him. Wanting to look at the man in front of you, opening himself up on the side of the highway. His eyes were shining brightly in the moonlight again, open portals to his soul, you seeing deep into him. And you felt yourself opening up, too. Everything you had felt, everything you had wanted to say, was finally all out in the open, hanging around the two of you, completely barricading you from the rest of the world. All you had was love, all you had was each other in that moment.

"Will you come home with me, please?" He whispered to you, holding your body close to his.

"That's all I want, Hop. I'll go anywhere you go." He kissed you on the forehead and pulled you even tighter, the coldness of the night finally settling on the two of you. Your star hanging in the distance above you, illuminating the darkness surrounding you. Now that you had each other, there was no longer any darkness. Your love would always illuminate the world around you, always keep you protected.

#jim hopper #jim hopper x reader #jim hopper fanfic #stranger things #stranger things 3 #fanfiction #fanfic #david harbour

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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living on the edge of the law ( biadore / sashea ) - chapter 7

sasha and shea finally come to terms and adore is having some issues of her own.

finally an update !! I’ve been so busy with my musical and other AU’s and school, I’ve decided that every week this’ll get an update so it’ll be a bit more frequent and such, hope y'all enjoy, the drama begins.

— *.✧

Sasha groaned, feeling her entire body sore and unable to move even if she wanted to, her eyes gently opened and her lashes fluttered, unaware of she was for a minute as she brushed her eyes with her fingertips, giving a yawn before looking around and noticing Shea still asleep, smiling and absentmindedly dreaming— Sasha felt a small rose colored blush appear on her cheeks and she smiled looking away realizing now exactly where she was before giving herself a high-five and praising that finally after years it had happened and it was all thanks to Bianca and some Whitney Houston.

A grumble was noised from Shea as she gently awoke to Sasha’s hand across her hair, running her fingers through it and simply taking it all in: it was hard to not give a grin to her best friend who sat in her bed wearing nothing but Shea’s shorts and a bra, her blonde hair definitely a little tangled though they could always fix that later with a brush and some willpower, “Sleep, I’m just awake is all.” The Russian whispered as Shea tiredly propped herself against the bedframe, she shook her head and opened her arms before Sasha gave a glimmering smile and collapsed in Shea’s arms, the blonde happily accepting the offer.

“It took too many years but it finally happened, Bianca and Trinity owe me twenty each!” The wink from her eyes undeniably sweet, Sasha softening her gaze knowing it was all in good fun in the first place, it was a bit suspicious having Bianca, who was definitely not one to be so oddly curious and kind for lack of a better word.

“My gut said so after Bianca kept asking me about myself and you, part of me was confused and the other part of me was praying that this was the next step to one of us finally confessing something,

“I hate to be awkward but—” Shea begun before yawning so she could take in a big yawn and wrap her arms around Sasha, who was beyond snug in her arms and felt protected and quite happy with her life currently, “What are we?” The question finally came out and the Russian froze, she didn’t exactly realize until now they hadn’t talked about the state of her relationship and friendship.

“What do you want us to me?” The question pondered to Shea who took no hesitation and time to answer with a quick, “Girlfriends.“

Sasha nodded and liked the sound of the word with them together, “Girlfriends…” She repeated in a whisper with nothing but utter joy in her heart, Shea quickly winking: “You know, lesbians, power couple, ruling the world: that’s us."

The giggle that left the Russian’s lips was enough for Shea to feel absolute success, "Get up, I still have to get my car from Katya’s you know.” Sasha gently hitting her lover in the far right beside her before Shea sat up gasping, the Chicago native hitting her back before grabbing her wrists and staring a glance at her newly announced girlfriend who was covered in now blue stains of hickey’s, she hadn’t even brought it up yet but not as if she could do a thing about it expect cover them and not think too much about them, as long as they didn’t interfere with her work who truly cared, Sasha did not certainly.

“Seriously!” The blonde eyed her girlfriend intensely, not letting her gaze drop until Shea groaned, getting up slowly but surely from the bed and running a hand through her own long and black hair, “I know, I know!” She called out though it was impossible to be aggravated at someone as perfect as Sasha and besides, Shea definitely did promise the Russian to bring her to go and get her car.

Shea stood on her tip-toes grabbing a baseball cap from her closet before jumping into some jeans and an old Chicago Fire jersey she still kept from her father, he was a huge sports fan and of course you have to support your hometown whether or not they’re any good, Shea knew Sasha was definitely a fan of soccer (football to her) to begin with.

The Russian clapped, “Football!” The twinkle in her eyes as her lashes fluttered seeing her girlfriend in a sport’s jersey was enough reason for Shea to wear the damn thing, no questions asked.

“Just for you.” The smile sincere before she leaned in to kiss her girlfriend, hands on her soft cheeks, Shea could definitely get used to this. Sasha nervously mentioned she had no clothes with her besides the alcohol splashed dress from last night, Shea waved her off and knew they both wore medium dresses atleast, handing her a tulle dress she had received as a gift from Trinity a bit ago.

Sasha grabbed her lover’s face and kissed her gently before Shea quickly felt her arms melt around Sasha’s waist before the Russian gently pused back, “We’re getting my car and then we can do whatever we want.” Shea frowned before taking her cap off for a minute, slapping Sasha’s behind, the blonde intentionally and overdramatically jumping while laughing, “Let’s go, Katya is gonna have far too many questions!"

"And I’m prepared to answer them all in detail.”

✧*。

“Let’s go, let’s go, Давай!” Katya clapped as she interlocked her hands around Sasha’s chair, spinning around aimlessly in their new conjoined cubicle, it was said to them Monday morning, the worst time possible, some of them were having to move into a conjoined office but the perk was the fact was that they were in an isolated room, Sasha loved the privacy though they did get a nice window by the wall, looking out the building and having a small glimpse of downtown Santa Monica.

Katya was just happy to share the space with someone she liked, beyond liked, loved like a sister, family. The closest thing she would ever have to family since running away years ago from Russia with just a carry-on and a dictionary, though she had studied English in school, her self doubt was far too strong to even attempt to speak English the first two weeks.

Sasha met her the moment she was introduced to the staff, the look and face said enough for Katya to lovingly strangle her with a hug, screaming in russian the minute she had heard the blonde say her welcomes in russian, more to comfort Katya than anything else.

“Sharing an office with you is the biggest blessing and curse in my life, I can sense it already darling."

Katya cackled, jumping off her chair before sitting down, sipping the coffee Shea had so sweetly picked up for her as requested, writing a note down to remind herself to pay Shea back, "Oh please, if it was you and Shea you’d both fired in about a week because we all know this desk wouldn’t be used for working purposes.” Sasha almost gasped for air, gagging as she finished a small sip of tea, hitting her with her “Russia” decorated fan.

“Шлюха!"

The Russians hugged and played around before Katya smiled, head in her hands as her feet kicked back on the desk, "So how is it with your new lover?” Sasha always had the urge to completely push herself away from that kind of conversation with anyone, she liked her love life personal and locked up but being with Shea was so different. She wanted to bashfully speak about the joy sharing a bed and kisses with someone she had pinned for since she moved to America years ago.

“She’s great, gorgeous as usual, I have no complaints."

"If she hurts you I will fucking stab her and you know I’m not kidding, I love Shea Couleé but I love you more however, I do trust her. She only stared at you at parties, meetings, her eyes shined just for you!"

The comment started a bit crude and violent but then turned much softer than expected, Sasha looking away trying not to show her obviously content grin, that’s what she had always hoped to hear from others especially her friends who also were close with Shea and who wasn’t? She was the most likeable person in their job, head of communications for a reason!

"That’s good to know.” She brushed the crumbs from her scone off her work dress, Katya despite the head of their section and department somehow managed to constantly shit around, she only thought about five things: Trixie Mattel, the Lebanese restaurant down the street, Russia, Stationary and dancing— not an awful five things to think about, Sasha could probably summarize herself in about five things as well: Shea Couleé, journalism, fashion, Russia and her dog, Vanya.

They got back to their “work”, sipping on their drinks though all Sasha could think about was Shea, understandbly so as Katya was struggling to not think about her date with Trixie tonight, she hadn��t been on a date in almost two years and she didn’t want to screw this all up, it be especially awkward since Trixie is an aspiring singer with the possibility of a record deal here thanks to some strings pulled.

A knock at the door interupted her train of thought as Trinity waved, half hazardly, “Hey, Katya I need you really quick!” The older blonde stood up and nodded before waving goodbye to Sasha as Trinity and Sasha quickly ran to eachother all smiles, hugging, “I heard about the new girl, I’m so fucking glad she finally said something because I was about to tell you myself bitch."

Sasha laughed and hugged her close friend, the two met from work but bonded like no other the first year when they shared an office and Trinity never felt so glad to have a great friend around, Orlando was miles and miles away but she had Sasha and now she had a bunch of people but Sasha would always stick out to her the greatest.

"I’ll be back!” Katya yelled before shutting the door, Sasha shaking her head and aimlessly flipping through another one of her fashion magazines, she had an entire studio in her apartment dedicated to her fashion and designs, it was a good extra cash tip here and there but more for the passion: this job was nice, successful, paid well but nothing would ever compare to sewing or atleast writing about fashion, she always said to Katya how she felt about what others were wearing, in Russian of course, though it wasn’t spiteful: just legitmate observations.

“Maybe one day, but not right now.” She put the magazine down before getting on to her laptop, going back into work mode.

One day.

✧*。

Bianca sat her in her studio, putting away her laptop and dancing around her kitchen aimlessly, blasting music from the TV, hooking up her Spotify. She wasn’t exactly paying much attention, it was on shuffle and the playlist was actually originally made by Courtney and William who had to have a car playlist when they didn’t travel by plane.

Playing From Playlist

—

car trips <3 !!!

—

Currently Playing: Last Dance - Donna Summer

She sang along, not like anyone was around to hear her, she was absolutely not a vocalist, not even autotune could save the amount of shrill screams and cracks she had but she didn’t mind, she didn’t need to be a recording artist anytime soon, that was a last minute ditch plan.

A beep from her phone rang, it was from Adore which was worrysome considering she had begun packing away from her best friend’s house, they had finally made a deal on a condo, Adore insisted on a condo because she only cared about an extra room to be a studio and it needed a bathtub: well, that was an easy checklist and it even had a patio for her the text wasn’t exactly something Bianca had expected.

I’m in the rain, I’m near a bus stop, please come, please xx

The X’s at the end didn’t exactly calm down Bianca any more, immediately texting back a: send me your location right fucking now, I’m coming.

She turned off the TV and oven, checking just ever so quickly on the dinner she was trying to make before grabbing her keys and wallet and an extra jacket + a towel and bolting for her car, she didn’t hear the pouring rain from the blasting of Donna Summer but judging by Adore’s location she was only about ten minutes away with a car, five if Bianca really drove the way she always intended to: above every speed limit.

Not even baring to ask a question, her hands felt a bit tense as she turned into another corner, glancing in her mirror and keeping her eyes open at her phone’s GPS, she could be asking herself a million things right now but didn’t, knowing it wasn’t the best idea, she had to find Adore: plain and simple.

Six minutes (four minutes gained) of driving lead her to indeed, what looked like a bus stop, an abandoned one near a park for children, not as if Adore would have much fun in the rain doing that. “Adore!” She screamed without even thinking, rolling down her window quickly before screeching the brake and parking the car after she rolled up the window, putting a towel over the shotgun seat before the younger singer jumped in, “Please go, please, please.” She seemed out of breath and was definitely soaking wet, her hair all falling to her face and her mascara ruining.

Bianca stepped on it and handed her a jacket, “Jesus Christ, what the hell? Do I even wanna fucking know?” They stopped at the stoplight as her hands pressed the heating buttons, turning all the air towards Adore and making sure it was on a decently hot setting, Bianca would probably sweat to death in this car but hey: this was a part of the job in the end.

Adore burst into tears and the latino girl stared, unsure what she had said or what was going on, “I’m so sorry.” Was all she choked out before rubbing the mascara off on the towel, unapologetically though Bianca could always buy a new one or just wash it if she wasn’t a lazy ass. “Don’t be, don’t even talk about, we’re gonna go back to my place and you’re gonna take a shower, change and then we can talk."

She nodded silently, whimpering like a puppy into the towel, Bianca feeling bloody murder go through her head thinking about the possibilities, she might just commit a murder or three tonight if it was anything related to a single person who had may or may not hurt Adore, she had no clue who but she’d find out somehow.

They got into her house and Adore watched Bianca close the door and give a thumbs up, adjusting her own jacket on Adore Delano, who had yet to even adjust to the pressures of fame and every day was simply knee deep in stress but for almost four weeks she had Bianca every day at her side helping, being hilariously bitter and kind and occasionally brutually honest beyond realization.

"We don’t have to talk about it but just let your friend know you’re here, I don’t want her to worry, you can of course stay overnight, I don’t expect you to go back to the new house and unpack tonight."

"You should shower.” She mumbled, adding the words before taking the coat off Adore gently, the younger girl feeling herself almost unable to breathe, she hesitated before quickly leaning in and grabbing Bianca, by her wrist and kissing her, no thoughts even necessary. Bianca felt her entire face flush but let it happen, of course she was wanting it to happen for days but not as if their positions and jobs made it easy to talk about, neither was the fact that Bianca promised herself to not let romance get in the line of her work.

“Adore we’re…” She grumbled her speech, angry that this had to happen already, she just wanted to avoid all feelings and hide everything long as possible, “We work together and—"

"God, please shut up and kiss me you hag."

The words had a nasty edge but not like anything they ever said to eachother was taken too seriously, Bianca spoke about her feelings to Shea and Katya consistently and to Courtney as well but she didn’t expect Adore to take such director action though, this was Adore Delano.

Despite the hesitation in Bianca’s response they attracted like magnets and kissed again, Adore running her fingers through her hair as Bianca felt her hands touch her cheeks, freezing cold but she knew that wasn’t important.

They clinged needing this to finally happen badly.

However, Bianca felt her entire heart sink in nothing but guilt and pulled away: covering her mouth, for the first time ever too stunned to speak, "No talking, not now, you’re super cold, shower.” The obvious disappointment in Adore’s face was enough for her to scoff and angrily wave Bianca off, knowing where to go and what to do anyway.

A breath in and a breath out as Adore shut the door loud as possible, groaning from the bathroom as she turned on the shower.

Well shit

#rpdr fanfiction #bianca del rio #adore delano #sasha velour #shea coulee #biadore #sashea #katya zamolodchikova #trinity taylor #mention of trixya #lesbian au #celebrity au #roza #living on the edge of the law #submission #concrit welcome

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randommmmie · 6 years ago

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50 QUESTIONS FOR EVGENIA MEDVEDEVA

1. Why don’t you have a driving license?

— Becauee I’m afraid.

2. Best moment of 2019?

— New Year. I love New Year and I spent it in Moscow, at home, that’s why. I was on tv twice at the same time!

3. Do you listen to Putin’s speech?

— Oh, of course.

— Putin’s been here all Zhenya’s life.

— Z: Well, yeah, btw

4. Best invention of humanity?

— I’ll be ordinary and probably wrong, but Iphone, telephone.

5. If the name Evgenia didn’t exist what would be your name?

— Alisa. There were two options how to call me: Alisa and Evgenia.

6. The coolest number on your phone?

— I have Sergey Zverev’s number! He also gifted me earings!

7. The most famous person you’ve ever told to sod off?

— I can’t answer this question because I don’t remember. No...wait I can, but I won’t .

8. The most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?

— A Louis Vuitton bag. A big one, for luggage. 1500$. But it was a gift so I payed only half of the money.

9. Best place you’ve ever been to?

— Japan.

10. Where would you live if not in Russia?

— Only in Russia.

— But what about Canada?

— Well, I live there now, but after I retire I’ll return home.

11. Say something in Japenese.

— 私はとてもおなかがすいています

— What does it mean?

— I’m very hungry.

12. Do you know any Japenese swearings?

— 地獄

— And this means?

— Shit. I’m not a specialist, but I want to learn Japenese very much and I will. And as far as I know, they don’t have a lot of swearings.

13. Your favorite Russian swearing?

— I try not to swear but I say “вашу мамашу!»(a very light version of motherfuck) especially when I’m confused

14. And what about Canada?

— Oh, shit or what the fuck.

15. A movie that made you sobbing?

— “A Star Is Born”. That last scene where she were singing. There were boys with is and they were trying to hold on but I was sobbing.

16. Describe your life in Canada in 3 words?

— Calm. Boring. Productive.

— Why everybody says that it’s boring in Canada?

— Because my practices finish at 4pm and I have absolutely nothing to do. Thankfully I stopped eating meat, fish and dairy so to eat properly I have to cook

17. Justin Bieber or Ryan Gosling?

— Who? Justin Bieber!

Kovtun or Kolyada?(Max unexpectedly sits into the car and starts asking questions)

18. 3 things which are better in Canada than in Russia?

— Cricket Club, constantly smiling people and the third one...well it’s hard but let it be food.

19. What would you bring to Canada from Russia?

— Maxim Kovtun.

20 Olympic Gold or being always young?

— Olympic Gold. Olympic Gold! I don’t want to be forever young.

21. Tatiana Tarasova in one word.

— Great.

22. What tattoo would you like to get?

— Most likely a little moon somewhere on my wrist.

— M: How about a skate? Javi’s got one on his leg.

— Z: Wait, are you serious?

— Int: Guys see it in their locker rooms or maybe he sent it to Max!

A song you have on repeat?

— Billie Eilish “Bad Guy”. And the Russian one...I have a friend Yura and I promised to piar him somewhere so Haru, hi! Also Монеточка “Каждый раз» and NOIZE MC.

23. Your best friend unfollowed you on Instagram. Your actions?

— I will ask wtf and unfollow her back.

24. Your favorite clothes brand?

— Nike.

— And the most expensive thing in your closet?

— NIKE X OFF WHITE

25. Your unexpected talent?

26. You told Masha Komandnaya that during flights you write and draw...

I’d like to create something with such print. A sweatshirt, maybe

27. What’s harder football or figure skating?

— Figure skating.

28. Tell me why fs fans are sometimes more cruel than Spartak(lol) and CSKA fans during the derby?

— In the last two years figure skating has become incredibly popular, like bever before. Among every 100 people there are 1-2 unnormal. And I don’t know why but they go crazy and write so a lot of comments that it seens like there are many of them

29. Describe Alina Zagitova in one word.

— Hard worker. I remember how we worked before the Olympics. And I can say that she works like crazy.

30. Describe Liza Tuktamysheva in one word.

— Funny. She’s really funny and never cares about some little things. I try to learn from her.

31. Now describe Yuzuru Hanyu in one word.

— Winnie the Pooh.

32. Why everybody says that you and Yuzuru are a couple?

— I don’t know. It’s not a mainstream already, not cool. I’m so used to the fact that fans are trying to find me a husband that sometimes they offer me some options and I’m like “why not?”

33. How strong is Putin’s handshake from 1 to 10?

— 8 but maybe it’s because I’m a girl.

34. What annoys you the most in people?

— A lot. Sometimes people and their existence in general. But seriously, laziness.

— And in yourself?

— I’m too open. Sometimes it bites me back.

35. What would you change in your appearance if you could do it in a snap if your fingers?

— Nose, please nose.

— What’s your opinion on plastic surgeries?

— It’s normal.

36. Tell me about meeting with Denis Glushakov.

— We talked about sport. He asked a lot about figure skating, about the Olympics. A lot of things were goung on in my life that time so yeah.

People hate in Glushak a lot at the moment. What advise would you give to him as a figure skater?(I’m not Zhenya but he shouldn’t have cheated on his wife and be a rat towards his coach, idc).

— When there was a lot of pressure on me I deleted Unstageam. It helps. Now I have it again. I gained the immunity. I don’t care what people say abot me. I open it, laugh and close it. But before Worlds, before the start of the season I deleted my Instagram and read books.

37. Instagram or VK?

— Instagram.

— Iphone or Android?

— Iphone.

—WatsApp or Telegram?

— Telegram.

— Sobchak or Dud’?

— Sobchak.

— Dud’ or Urgant?

— Urgant.

— Dzyuba or Ovechkin?

— Ovechkin.

— Kharlamov or Batruha?( Russian comics)

— Batruha.

— Sushi or Borcht?

— Borcht.

— Puppies or Kittens?

— Puppies!

— Kristian Kostov or Brad Pitt?

— Kristian Kostov. What a silly question.

— Zagitova or Tuktamysheva?

— Both.

— Batman or Superman?

— Superman.

— GoT or Sailor Moon?

— Haven’t warched GoT so Sailor Moon.

— Go partying or have some sleep?

— Well...

— To be a leader or to follow?

— To be a leader.

— To write to your crush first or wait for their actions?

— I always write first. It’s awful but I do. I’m not afraid to make the first step.

— K-pop or Russian rap?

— K-pop.

— You are ambassador of k-pop in Russia. What does it mean?

— That I love k-pop. It’s becoming more and more pipular.

— Yeah, even Ed Sheeran...

— Oh, I love Ed Sheeran!

38. An actor you had or still have a crush on?

— I was 15, maybe 16 and I watched “Flash” so it eas Grant Gustin. Ah, god, it’s just...

— Wrote to him on Instagram?

— No, but I have his autograph. A fan gifted it to me. Idk, how this happened but I was like “Aaaaah!”

39. The most beautiful man except relatives?

— Chan from EXO.

40. The most fashionable woman?

*points at herself*

— Ok, it was sarcasm of course. But to say seriously in classic stule it’s definitely Lady D. Maybe it sounds very boring but it’s true. At the moment I love what Billie wears. It’s something new. She always wears something big. And I love big clothes! I feel so tiny!

41. When was your last date?

— Two days ago.

— Rate it from 1 to 10.

— 8.

— Just like Putin’s handshake.

42. Who should pay on a date?

— I always protest, but I think the guy should. But I always feel very awkward when they dio it. I feel ashamed when I get expensive gifts or when someone pays for me at a restaurant.

— What’s your perfect date ideas?

— I’m a romantic, and I’m sentimental so the best idea is Red Square in New Year’s Eve.

43. What annoys you in girls?

— I think a girl should be a little bit envious, a little bit tricky and even bitchy. It’s in our nature. But I hate when they are like: “Weeel, I don’t know...I think I won’t go...” Idk how to call it.

— Mannerism.

44. How to understand if a guy is in love with you?

— I don’t know. At the moment I really don’t. I’m to young!

45. Your source of strength?

— Faith. Faith in something. In your bright future, your relatives, your friends. Faith in good things. But at the moment it’s faith in myself.

46. Have you ever written a love poem?

— In my life I wrote like three poems. I’m very sorry but I don’t love poetry. For me it’s weird when someone speaks in rhymes. It’s unntural. But 1 of that 3 poems was romantic. I don’t jnow how many pages there was but it took 10 minutes to read it.

47. What doesn’t let you sleep at night?

— Instagram!

48. Last philosophical subject you were thinking abot?

— What happens to a planet when it gets into the dark hole? Does it become smaller? Does it vanish? I know that I can google it but it’s not interesting that way.

49. Random fact about space.

— My fans gifted me a star certificate so there’s Medvedeva flying somewhere in space.

50. There is a sport term “MVP”. So who’s the MVP of planet Earth right now?

— In total, not only in sport? Come one, there’s no such person.

Source

#evgenia medvedeva #alina zagitova #elizaveta tuktamysheva #idk who of you will want to read #something that ling but please do #it’s very interesting

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welcometohetaliahell · 6 years ago

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Their scents/natural smell

*just an f.y.i these are all my personal headcanons and I chose to describe them versus using a couple of words for no reason other than I wanted to. Also, there are characters like Sealand, Seychelles, Liechtenstein, and Moldova missing because in my mind they are babies and it would just be weird for me.

The America’s

America: His scent changes depending on where he’s coming from in the U.S., one day he could have of a pine tree scent, to him or motor oil, but generally his cologne is very metallic but underneath that is Evergreen mixed with a faint scent of gunpowder.

Canada: This may seem stereotypical, but he smells sweet, like sugary donut pancake sweet, but that’s mixed with that crisp, fresh, winter air that comes like a week after it snows, thick, rich wood, and coffee.

Mexico: Her scent changes based on the seasons, or in general the time of year. During the fall/winter months for the U.S. (September to March) her scent is very subtle and maybe a little dry, not like dusty, but she just smells clean and plain. But during the warmer months is when her scent can be a little overbearing. It’s hot and salty because of the heat but very fruity and sweet, it doesn’t come off as a perfume but rather like she’s eaten a bunch of fruits in one go or had been picking them.

Cuba: He overwhelmingly smells like motor oil, but not in a bad way, like it’s mixed with sweat because I think in some ways he’s had to learn to love fixing up old cars because of his countries situation. But it’s also mixed with salt water and sand with just a hint of cigar smoke underneath.

Europe

Britain: Britain’s changes based on the weather. If it’s raining that is the main scent with a mix of smog and motor oil. But if it’s just overcast he still smells like dim weather because it’s so common, but it’s mixed with pipe-smoke, or canon smoke, and old books.

France: This man smell’s like roses like he just does. But he doesn’t smell like the same rose, there’s always something different that may hint at specific color or type of rose, hell maybe where it was grown. He also smells like cheese, which is weird I know, but like really good cheese that when you smell it you just want a cracker with maybe a piece of ham or something and gobble it up. But underneath all that is like old grime, like old metal building grime, and sweat mainly from around the time of the industrialization of Europe and America i.e. the building of the Eifel Tower and the Statue of Liberty.

Russia: Now like Canada he also smells like winter, but he smells like that impending snowstorm, cold winter weather that almost leaves a taste in your mouth though he burns like a furnace. I also think he smells like old brick or masonry in general. Like an old brick building that hasn’t had a fire blazing inside in a very long time.

Germany: While I want to say he smells like a beer, which he does, but that’s not his main scent. He mainly smells like the top lining on a drum kit, not the old animal hides they used to use, that has gone through a few 6+ hour long practices with a broken stick or two. Now underneath that is the beer smell, but it’s mixed with sweat and motor oil but not only does he like working out he also likes working, mainly on cars, but every once in a while a hint of wood or fire will come through.

Italy: This boy smells like a chefs kitchen, a mix of a lot of things that sometimes makes your nose itch and you wonder what the hell is cooking. But he also smells like oil paint and canvas and marble because like Germany he likes to create, just more Bob Ross and less Rudolf Diesel.

Southern Italy: This boy like a vineyard, and I know you’ll be asking why Italy or France don’t smell like that, and idk but this boy smells like he spends every morning standing in the middle of the vineyard where the wind can pass right through him and that’s his cologne. But he also smells like shoe polish and fresh, baked bread.

Spain: This man smells like a lot of various things and changes constantly. The most prominent thing he smells like is seafood, like battered and fried seafood with an undertone of salt. But other times he’ll smell very sweet still with that undertone of salt.

Scotland: This man smells old, but not like the same old that China smells, but more like a castle – masonry old. And he obviously smells like smoke/nicotine because he smokes but it’s not seeped into his clothes its right around his head/neck area and everywhere else just smells like old linen. Like something you haven’t worn in a few months that’s been hanging in your closet clean but maybe you should’ve shaken it before you put it on.

Poland: So, if you catch him when he wakes up in between showers he’ll smell spicy actually with like an undertone of rugged wilderness, like plain grass and wheat, and water. But he really likes the flowery smells of perfume so he’ll wear those a lot though he is conscious of the impact it can have on other people, so he never wears too much and he tries to go for the more shuttle scents like flowers over things like cotton candy or berry because those are really pungent.

Lithuanian: He smells like the woods, like dead-ass middle of nowhere moss covering everything woods mixed with fresh water and sometimes things like berries with a rugged undertone of dirt and evergreen that was pushed into his scent all the time's wolves would just tackle and love all over him. During the winter his scent can get very stuffy and plain, like what happens to a house when it’s being lived in but not, yet it’s surrounded by the cold.

Latvia: This is gonna sound odd, but he smells like ham, potatoes, and alcohol. Like most of the time, he smells very plain and nothing really sticks out so sometimes he’ll wear cologne but when it’s colder out and he’s stuck inside and everything he smells like ham, potatoes, and alcohol.

Estonia: This man smells like an office/server room. It’s really clean but cold with a metallic undertone. But he also smells really fresh after he’s left the office and showered – like fresh berries and other fruits. Sometimes he’ll smell more like potatoes and meat but that’s mostly when in the winter when the fresh fruits and all can’t be picked. There are also some earthy undertones to his scent that come out during the winter.

Austria: He smells like old sheet music, or just like old paper in general. That kinda dusty but intriguing smell you get from a really old document or book. There’s also a layer of coffee, fried bread, and evergreen. He sometimes wear a sharp cologne if he’s going out or something and he doesn’t use any super flowery shampoo or anything in the shower so most of the time he smells like old books and food – might made you hungry.

Switzerland: He can also sometimes smell like cheese, but again the good kind of cheese that you wanna eat. But he also smells like really clean, crisp water with an undertone on evergreen and metal. He’ll sometimes smell sweet and other times he’ll smell like beer but those come out depending on what he’s eaten or whenever he showered last.

Netherlands: This man is a blend of tulips, chocolate, and pipe smoke. On is always more dominant than the either and kinda gives away his mood. Sometimes he’ll have a woody-fury undertone to him from the time he's spent outside with rabbits. The heavy smoke smell typically gives away that he’s stressed or maybe even mad. The chocolate says that he’s been with his sister and could be in a good mood if it was just them, but it can also be a sign that he’s trying to relax and it’s not working. The tulip smell says that he’s suuuuuper happy and relaxed and that you could go and talk to him and he's chill. Mostly on the weekends.

Belgium: She smells like chocolate, chocolate, and flowers but with undertones of a vegetable garden and fresh air. She doesn’t really wear any perfume and doesn’t use super pungent shampoos and lotions. She mostly smells sweet but occasionally there will be this metallic, salty sea air undertone that comes out especially when she’s sweating that’ll remind that his women will kick your ass if she needs to.

Belarus: She smells very metallic but also sweet, like sucker sweet with while you have a tongue or lip piercing. Her cold undertone is the cold air that you breathe in super deep to fill your lung and try to relax, maybe the kinda cold that fills you before you start running outside or hiking.

Ukraine: She smells like wheat, but not like gross wheat but like the standing in the middle of the field kinda wheat smell that is where you’d wanna take a super aesthetic photo those it’s kinda itchy as hell. She also smells like flower, as in cooking flower, because I picture her as liking to bake and yeah. Her undertone is cold, but like the cold of seeing your breath, the also sweet cold that doesn’t hurt at first but if you stay out in it you’ll nose will hurt.

Nordics

Iceland: Because he is an island with volcano’s he smells like molten rock mixed with cold seawater but with an undertone of grass. It’s very inviting and warm to smell, no sulfur unless there was a recent eruption and then he reeks of it but also sweats and he’s in a lot of pain and a cloud of smoke almost lingers around him until everything is calmed down.

Norway: This man smells like Evergreen/Pine trees and cold water with clean linens that weren’t washed with anything scented. But he can smell like chocolate, beer, and pancake mix with just a hint of pipe-smoke. (*this is coming from personal experience in Norway and this is what I remember smelling*)

Finland: I wanna say he smells like Christmas, but he’s Finland and so his Christmas is different from mine, but I will say it’s a good bet that he smells like sugar cookies and maybe wrapping paper, like that smell that lingers after you’ve cut it a bunch in the same room. Like Russia, Norway, Canada, and the rest of the colder nations he too smells cold, but he smells like snow cold, like a gentle flurry that you’d take aesthetic photos in kinda snow. But I think he has undertones of gunpowder and metal.

Denmark: This man smells like a bonfire, and I don’t really know why, but he smells like a bonfire mixed with sea water and fresh brew booze. It’s very welcoming and it almost gives you energy and makes you want to stay there a socialize with him and maybe drink and cause some trouble but that’s your decision. Unless it’s the dead of winter he doesn’t smell as cold as say Russia or Canada, but if there’s a bad storm that bonfire smell with mix well with the cold and will make you want to curl up and nap with him.

Sweden: This man smells like a wood workshop, sometimes he smells like more fresh cut wood and others he smells like wood sealer and sawdust. Again, like the others, he smells like the cold but it’s not a pungent as some of the others like you’d have to be hugging him for a while to notice it versus Russia where you’d immediately notice it especially during winter. There are some undertones of sea water and motor oil/exhaust but like the cold, you’ll have to be hugging him to notice or he just took a shower and then those are more present.

Asia

China: So like Scotland, he smells old but a different kind of old, like old wood and paper. Liked like a house that hasn’t had anyone in it for a long time but it’s not rotting or anything. But on a bad day, i.e. bad weather and such, he heavily smells like smog and he desperately tries to cover it up if he gets out of bed and has to leave the house. But he tries to purposely smell clean like fresh linen’s just washed or a sparkling clean house though in his young years i.e. Silk Road and all he heavily began to smell like opium. But he always has an undertone of warm tea.

Japan: This man smells like ink mixed with paper, and it shows on the tips of his fingers. This mainly comes from the hours he spends reading and writing various mangas and stories. But he also smells like pillow packing feathers, you know that ones that’ll stab from the inside of the pillow lining but smell great and are super fluffy. There’s also so undertones of fire embers and cats.

South Korea: His smell changes like some of the others, but its equally based on where he is and the weather. If he’s coming from Seoul he can smell like a busy street and a blend of people but if it’s raining it turns into motor oil and maybe a warm bowl of ramen. If he’s coming from somewhere like Daegu or Busan he may smell more like street food or more like the water.

India: This man smells like spice, which does seem stereotypical, but he also smells like rain and really rich tea. But it’s all brought together with a really clean, linen smell with just hint of metallic undertones. His smell is also really bright and even fruity almost or flowery with undertones of like massage oil or something.

Ottoman Family

Turkey: This man smells like olive oil, I know kinda weird, but the trees grow abundantly in the western part of the country and its used in the food. But she also can sometimes smell like fish but also sometimes just smell like the water, it kinda depends on what he eats and the weather. He has a smoke and sweetness undertone – like chocolate and maybe opium(?). He’ll also sometimes smell like mud and sweat but again it depends on the time of year and what he’s been doing.

Greece: I’m gonna say it, this man smells like cats but not like cat shit or litter, just cats. That soft, fluffy, warm feeling you have when you first interact with a cat before you realize how weird they kinda smell. But he too smells old in a way, but his old smell is like colosseum old smell – marble, stone, a bit dusty but doesn’t irritate your nose. Like it’s not dirty, just it’s been here for a while kinda old. There’s also a big undertone of sea water and linen but like none processed linen so like it’s being made into something linen not ‘oh this is a shirt or sheet’ kinda linen.

Egypt: Another one that smells old but this old can be the kind that irritates your nose because his old is the old of a place that was sealed away and not messed with for a long time for good reason kinda old. But he also smells like fruit and vegetables, nothing specific but like he smells fresh and natural (?) with a mix of fresh water.

Hungary: She smells like metal, shiny, heavy metal mixed with dirt and sweat because she’s a badass woman who fought but also, mainly because of her time with turkey, she smells a bit like hay, spice, and smoke. Though all of his doesn’t come out unless she’s either a) working out or b) just woke up because she likes to uses a lot of flower-scented products but doesn’t wear perfume.

Other

Prussia: He smells more like beer than his brother but like Hungary, he has an old metal and grime smell to him from years of fighting and wearing armor. He also smells like paper because for a long time, especially with Fitz, he played music and when he could sleep he would study it but also it’s from all his writing and home many times he’s sat down a read over his journals. I also think he probably smells slightly like smoke but no particular scent to it like bonfire or nicotine, he just sometimes smells like smoke.

Australia: This man is a bit all over the place. Mainly he smells a bit dry or clay-like, but it’ll mix with salt water and sand and sometimes it’ll turn really muddy and wet. I could compare it to a wet dog smell but its not gross he just very much resembles his environment and so it changes but in general his smell can be relaxing if you’re asking for a hug but if he throws his arm around smiling really wide that smell will likely give away the fact that he’s gonna drag you off to do something adventurous and potentially dangerous.

New Zealand: They smell like grass, but not like fresh cut grass or brittle dying grass, just tall, thick, plain grass with a mix of saltwater air and mountain top cold, but this last one changes depending on where they are because they could also smell a bit dry/sandy. They also smell sweet, but not like chocolate or sugar sweet, just sweet like you a few houses down from a bakery kinda sweet.

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80srockher · 7 years ago

Text

Yuri on Ice Re-watch and Live Commentary, Episode 2: Two Yuris?! Drama at Yu-Topia

Since society is crumbling around me, why not re-watch Ep. 2 of Yuri on Ice? Seems like a good way to pass the time. *Spoilers ahead.*

You don’t own any boots, Vitya? You live in Russia.

And Yakov has blue eyes. Never noticed that before.

My gosh, the scene where Victor says goodbye to Yakov before leaving for Japan is the personification of ham. Look it up in the dictionary. Screencaps of this scene are right next to it. I love it.

The first time I watched this scene, I just knew Hiroko was talking about the dead poodle. Minako’s face is priceless right here, btw.

Just look at their collective expressions. LOL. This episode is great.

Now, I wondered from the start why the ultimate goal was the Grand Prix Final, when other competitions are referenced in the show, such as the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS; which Victor won, like, a MONTH prior. IRL, the creators had a dozen episodes to tell a story, so I understand the hypothetical cutoff. In-verse, maybe Victor was still allowing himself a window of opportunity to compete near the end of the upcoming season. He did sort of pick up and move his entire life on the fly, so having an alternate plan in case things don’t work out with Yuri is feasible. I like that theory so I’m sticking to it.

Ah, so it is an Inn. And, Victor has some long toes *snort*.

I’ve always wondered if Victor’s moving to Japan to coach Yuri was such big news in Russia, as Minako claimed, why the media didn’t catch on earlier to his exact location. No one outside of Japan knows where Katsuki Yuri is from?

It appears so, other Yuri.

Ha, Victor gets especially fanservic-y when he’s jetlagged and hungry.

This, right here, might be my favorite line in the whole show. Makes me want to try some katsudon, quite honestly.

Why must Minako constantly put Yuri’s business in the streets, though?

And here, we observe Victor in his element: dropping satin-covered truth bombs with a smile. No more pork cutlet bowls for Yuri under his watch.

One must wonder (well I do, anyway), why Yuri’s bedroom is on the same floor as an unused banquet room. Perhaps he grew into that room as he got older? Etc., etc., not important. Moving on.

Also, I initially wondered if Victor was paying something akin to room and board. It’s been established that the Katsuki’s run an inn and Victor had intended to stay there, only at the time they were booked (dude, you didn’t call ahead?) So yes, I surmise that Victor is paying a fee to stay in the only available room.

Hm. How much do you want to bet Victor politely suggested Yuri haul his luggage up the stairs to jump-start his metabolism. Hehe.

And of course, dozens of Cedex boxes (and pork rice bowls) are an aphrodisiac to Victor. It’s cute (if not a little creepy without proper context) that he tried to flirt.

"Um, didn’t you just call me a little piggy an hour or so ago?”

So, when I first watched this scene, I surely figured the creators were going for the “flirty, eccentric European” angle with Victor. And that Yuri would inevitably end up hurt by Vic’s flippancy. I was happily wrong about that.

Somebody will have to tell me: is it typical for coaches to bunk with their students? Or is Victor trying to patent this method?

Aww, Yuri likes you Vitya, I promise.

Come to think of it, maybe Victor just didn’t want to sleep on the floor. ;)

I think it’s cool of Minako to have wanted to foster a love of dance in the children of her hometown after her retirement. She could have plausibly taught anywhere, but she decided to come home. Perhaps Yuri will be similarly inclined once he retires.

On the other hand, I did wonder if the show’s creators might explore Minako’s lush-y behavior with respect to her career, retirement, etc., but they did not.

Dammit, Yuri. Victor was about to share his coming-out story with you and I WANTED TO HEAR IT.

Look at poor, dejected Vitya. Yuri really is cockblocking him at every turn, LOL.

This scene makes me giggle because of Victor’s enthusiasm over Ninjas and his “Really? Ninjas?!” spoken in English (though yes, I realize ‘Ninja’ is a Japanese term.)

Yeah, so, how did other-Yuri, a MINOR, manage to travel to Japan on his own, anyway? Don’t you have to be 18+ or so to book a flight? Etc., etc. Moving on.

I wonder how old Yuri was in this flashback. He looks even more pre-pubescent here and he hasn’t grown his hair out yet. When did Victor make this deal with him? As much as a year ago, perhaps, since Yuri just won the Junior World title last season? You’d think that, as important as this moment was to Yuri, he’d be reminding Victor of it, constantly.

That’s a no-no, other-Yuri. A big no-no. This is why I can’t like you.

You tell him, Yuri.

There’s Victor “in-a-class-to-himself” Nikiforov, again. He just looks like a seasoned skater. I continue to be impressed with how his skating, in particular, was animated.

So, we find out via other-Yuri that Victor was already choreographing programs for the following season despite lacking motivation. His ability to surprise the audience was waning; his inspiration “dying,” according to Yuri. Seeing his routine reflected in JPN Yuri’s viral video, someone else taking his choreography and making it his own rekindled a stuttering flame. Victor might have been relieved on several levels.

Exhibit A: witness Victor re-energized.

So, JPN Yuri views the consequences of losing the figure skating scrimmage – Victor returning to Russia with other Yuri – as punishment. Kind of sad that he entertains the thought of losing to a 15-year old in some impromptu competition with ambiguous rules.

And OMG, this ‘Hot Springs on Ice’ competition is the biggest news in town, lol. Sleepy tourist village, indeed.

LOL, Mari-neechan has an idol, too. And other-Yuri looks just like him.

Gotta say, I’m fond of Mari and JPN Yuri’s relationship. She doesn’t appear to have teased her brother over the Victor Nikiforov obsession. But, I suppose that would make her a hypocrite.

Annnnd, I like that she’s the one to nickname other Yuri, Yurio. :D

Didn’t screencap this part, but it’s mentioned that Yurio is staying in a storage closet at Yu-Topia. How big (or small) is this place? I think it must be akin to a bed and breakfast; not a lot of rooms but you receive personalized service.

Minako is a woman of many talents. Ballerina-turned-bartender. I also looove the poster of Yuri on the door!

As an aside, it appears Victor might have assumed Yuri goes to tie one on (like Victor tends to do) when he’s feeling stressed or anxious. He has witnessed him drunk before, after all…

Now that’s just sad. Yuri had like, two friends growing up and he didn’t even play with them.

No comment. This is just a cute screencap.

Admittedly, I never cared for Agape, the music or the choreography. I do appreciate how Agape and Eros mirror each other in tune. Agape is slower, but the downbeats are almost identical to Eros. I hope that term was correct. Don’t fail me now, middle school band class.

LOL. Oh, Victor. Satin. Covered. Truth-bombs.

It just amuses me that Victor is organizing his own ice show in a week.

Pretty sure if Victor goes back to Russia, Yurio, then he’s skating the season. He didn’t take a break to coach just anyone. But that’s a moot point.

“That’s all I want, bae. Let’s you and I win together and celebrate with the most erotic of cuisines: pork cutlet bowls.”

“Bet.”

I wonder which one will be able to “satisfy” him?

I needed that. I smiled during the whole episode. Thanks for reading.

#yuri on ice #yuri!!! on ice #yoi #yuri katsuki #victor nikiforov #yuri plisetsky #hiroko katsuki #mari katsuki #minako okukawa #yuko nishigori #takeshi nishigori #episode 2 #yoi rewatch

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ohmygillygoshoppler · 6 years ago

Text

its 1 in the morning and i have failed myself yet again.....

Melodious tunes of classical music filled the cold halls of the dark observatory. Even through the thickness of the walls, and the drone of the record player, Azreal could hear the blizzard going on outside. The howling of the winds, perhaps already moving in at about thirty miles per hour. They would pick up, Azreal assumed, once the true storm welled in, but that might not be for a while now.

Azreal sat comfortably in his cozy little geo-dome, his sleeping quarters within the observatory out in the Delta. He sat by lamplight, reading, as per the usual. It was constantly nighttime here, so that meant there may have been a few inactive people. He and Ishtar had been hard at work collecting data regarding sediments and toxins coming in from outer space. It was a complete parallel to what the archangel had been doing before, but it was away from the cities.

He remembered when he returned home, back to heaven. He remembered the hateful glances and venomous words of his brethren. Word traveled fast in Heaven, and they eventually found out what he did.

They shunned him, alienated him, and after a while, the Heavenly Host officially banished him from Heaven altogether. He was stripped of his graces, clipped of his magnificent wings, and banned from entering the Well of Souls. He was nearly stripped of his memories of how to access the Well and use its power, but The Phoenix commanded otherwise.

"You will wander the universe, Azreal. From now on, and as punishment for your crimes of treason, you are no longer an angel. You are something else. Make something of yourself. You have one hundred years."

And so, he Queen of Rurus was merciful enough to let him stay with them when she heard news of his banishment, but Azreal wanted nothing to do with humanity. He was horrified by the idea of him harming them in any way again.

The Queen would not take no as an answer. She wanted to keep an eye on him, and she made that fact clear. She wanted Azreal to stay and help her group of hand-selected scientists in an arctic research facility erected on Rurus' south pole to help discover and learn about their new planet and what they can do to protect it. He would have a chance to redeem himself by helping the others to learn more, something the scholar was more than familiar with.

Azreal was no scientist, but he accepted the offer. Now, several years later, he was still there, cooped up with a bunch of former strangers on a huge block of ice in the middle of nowhere. A wanderer indeed. Never had the archangel thought he would end up in a place such as this one; so close to paradise, yet so bitterly trapped within walls of ice.

At least these folks didn't want him dead.

The angel sipped his tea and reclined back in his chair. He continued to read his book, an old collection of heavenly myths he'd taken from his spire. One of the few things of Heaven he had left. He jumped with a start when the music suddenly died, and the lights went black.

The angel closed his eyes and promptly placed his marker into his book-

"Aaaazreaaaal-" A choir of voices called from out in the halls. "It's your turn to restart the generator."

"-Right on cue."

The book snapped shut and Azreal stretched, rocking back on his heels. He was still getting used the the lightweight sensation his missing wings gave his body. He reached his arms up as high as they could go and scratched the back of his neck. He shivered at the sudden chill that raced under his skin. Perhaps it was so cold because there were no internal doors within the facility, only long, narrow hallways.

He would have dreaded going outside before, but this place was exciting. The skies were different, and there was always something incredible to see. He loved the fact that this planet had a such a pristine and clear atmosphere that they could see the eye of their universe from their spot in the solar system. Azreal had seen that sight many times from some spots in Heaven, but never in this light. This planet escaped the confines of day; the noon-bright eternity most were subjected to on Heaven's planet, mostly in areas like the White City, Kino, and Jordan.

He had with him twelve other companions; nine infernals, and three humans. There were six demons, a sprite, an akuma, and a hulking legion demon; Shobba, Owasso, Nim, V'Dalia, Chimera, Ishtar, Havalar, Eno, and Joswick. The humans were two young ladies and a younger man; Jen-Yie, Cynthia, and Finn. His closets colleagues were Finn, Ishtar and Havalar; the people with whom he shared a great deal of interests with. Those two were arguably the most intelligent people he'd met on this planet thus far. Not to say the rest of his team wasn't intelligent, these people were hand picked by the Queen herself to be here! To collect data and make the important discoveries about their home like mankind used to.

Jen-Yie was a biologist and an aspiring physicist, Cynthia was a veteran topographer who formerly worked as a researcher who explored places such as Canada, Greenland, Scandinavia, and Russia before the end. Finn was a chemist, and a handy tinkerer to boot. Azreal admired him, seeing much of his younger self in the young lad. The angel admired Finn's tender and articulate nature, a stark contrast to the brash and adventurous personalities of his human peers.

Ishtar was a radiologist, helping the team study chemical and radioactive phenomenon that they've discovered around the Delta with Havalar, the one who navigates. Havalar had a keen obsession with spelunking through the ice caves all around their base. They were the person to go to of there was something underground that was to be found.

A great deal of the other demons were simple biologists as well, eager to explore the microbe rich environment of the bitter south pole. They've told Azreal about how there were lifeforms living in these frigid waters that could be surviving on the surface, laying dormant until the conditions are just right for them to spring back to life, or surviving thousands of feet below the icy water's surface below them.

Some creatures insides act as antifreeze to keep them alive in the cold dark depths. When the team made that discovery a few years back, it was like a world-changing

Creatures unknown to the universe yet, unknown to science, swim in this world's southernmost ocean, and, well, that was pretty neat when the angel thought about it.

Azreal admitted on several occasions that he would be more than satisfied if he were stuck with them for the rest of his time permitted.

#welcome to Dreamride #snippet #Azreal and the Delta research facility #how am I going to do this?#why am I doing this? why am I asking you all these questions???#all this and more next time on #so you think you can dance

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queenofslytherin71 · 7 years ago

Text

You're my home now.

Chapter 2: Three years later.

Chapter 1

Pairing: Bucky x mermaid reader.

Summary: Bucky Barnes discovers a beautiful stranger passed out on the beach. ( I suck at summaries.)

Word count: 1147

Warnings: None.

A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter. I have to asay it's not my best work. Feel free to comment on what you think of the series so far.

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN.

It has been three years since Bucky found you on the beach and brought you to the Avengers compound. Unfortunately with no luck in finding out who you are or where you came from.The first few months has been the hardest, trying to adapt to your new life at the compound, but the team, they've grown attached to you, even Tony and you have come to love them. The compound was your home now and they were your family.

When you first found out what the Avengers did for a living, you didn't believe it, until you saw it with your own eyes. With the help of Natasha and Steve, you started training to become an Avenger. Training was great and in no time you were allowed to go out on missions. Your skills have grown which made each mission successful.

There is one member on the team that stood out from all the others and that was Bucky. If it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't have met all these amazing people and you surely wouldn't feel this at home anywhere else in the world. But it wasn't just because he brought you here, it was because you've seen something in him the day you first saw him. Something that pulled you towards him, something in those blue eyes of his. The same blue eyes that held so much sadness.

At the start you were very shy around him, but later on you grew confident as he made you feel the most comfortable in the compound. He encouraged you to train harder, probably because he didn't want you to dwell in the past that you couldn't remember, because he knew it constantly frustrated you. He was your best friend, but you thought that he'd never see you than anything more than a friend, but...

There was no denying that he loved you. Since the day he saw you, he was hopelessly in love. It was like he was under a trance whenever you were near. He loved the way you would glance up at him, under those extremely long lashes and when he felt troubled he knew you would listen when he poured his heart out. With you he felt free to feel vulnerable, because it was tiring to act so strong everyday in front of everyone else. You didn't judge him for anything he has done in the past and he loved you for that.

You were an excellent fighter as well. The first time he saw you in full combat mode, was on your first mission in Russia, he was absolutely stunned. Your actions were swift and sure. It was like he could see the adrenaline coursing through your body as you struck down each enemy in your path. He was so focused on your flawless movements that he didn't see the fist that slammed straight into his jaw.

You peered around the corner. Steve was poking his head through every door on the floor. As he came closer to where you were hiding, you slowly walked backwards. Suddenly someone clamped a hand over your mouth from behind you and pulled you into a room. The body behind you, felt like a man. You thrashed in the man's grip, but as the door closed, the man let you go. The room was small, dark and dusty and smelled like cleaning chemicals. The cleaning supplies closet.

"What the f...!" You exclaimed.

"Shhhh it's me (Y/N)," the familiar deep voice whispered.

"Bucky what the hell?"

This time he pressed a single finger against your lips to shush you.

Bucky peered through small opening of the door. He saw Steve approach the door.

"Steve!" Sam called from down the hall. Steve stopped in his tracks and turned around at the sound of his name.

"Yeah?"

"Training. You coming?"

"Be right there." Steve looked at the door one last time and disappeared down the hall after Sam.

Bucky turned to you and lowered his finger from your lips. In the dim light that came from underneath the door, you could see him before you. As handsome as always with that boyish smirk plastered on his face and his arms was crossed over his muscly chest.

"Hiding again are we?" He asked.

"Maybe, but that's exactly what you're doing too isn't it?"

"No I don't have any training scheduled today."

"Then what were you doing here?"

"I saw you hiding like a child, so I decided to help you. If I didn't, Steve would have found you and dragged your ass to the gym."

You simply rolled you eyes.

"What were you planning to do anyways, instead of training?" Bucky asked curiously.

"Swim."

"Really again?"

"Yeah why?"

"I saw you in the pool before six this morning."

"So?"

"You usually sleep till eleven in the morning. I just thought it was strange."

"Maybe I just like swimming. It calms me. By the way can we get out of this closet? It's smells funny in here. Bucky opened the door and the both of you, stepped out of the closet.

"Where you off to?" Bucky asked as you walked away from him.

"Come with me and find out." Bucky didn't need to answer that question. He blindly followed you down the hall and the flight of stairs. You pushed the two glass doors open that led to the indoor Olympic sized pool.

You dropped your T-shirt near the edge of the pool, leaving you only in your bra and shorts as you dived into the water. After a few moments you resurfaced from the water.

"You coming in soldier? The waters great." He hastily pulled his shirt over his head and unbuckled his jeans, dropping it in a pile. Your jaw went slack as you watched him undress. His black boxers hung dangerously low on his hips. Your eyes traveled up and down his muscular body. He jumped into the water, making a big splash. He emerged from the water and rubbed the water from his eyes.

You swam as silently as you could to sneak up on Bucky, but he heard you and turned around. He grabbed you around the waist, making you squeal, and threw you into the water. You playfully wrestled with him, splashing water in his face.

He gently pulled you closer to him. You settled your one arm around his neck, the other in the water keeping you adrift. You pushed Bucky's brown locks back, that was plastered to his forehead. He found himself staring deeply into your mesmerising eyes, his face slowly leaning closer to yours. You felt his hot breath fan your face. He cupped your neck bringing your mouth to his. Your parted lips almost touching. You closed your eyes as you leaned in for the kiss that you have been waiting for forever...

"Am I interrupting?"

Taglist: @buckybear5 @yo-yo-bro-bro @elaacreditava @scarletthornrose

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gaymusicchart · 7 years ago

Video

youtube

GAY MUSIC CHART - 2018 week 22

Due to an increasing music actuality and votes on our channel, we try to make a TOP 60 LGBTQ+ related music videos chart. Let’s see if it’s possible, because we are so frustated to see so many good music videos which don’t enter or stay more in the chart. In this format, votes of fans are limited to 4 weeks. Please notice that this new format is just an experimentation.

Welcome to the Gay Music Chart, the LGBTQA related music videos TOP 60 actuality and most request.

Vote for your favourite LGBTQA related music videos by leaving a comment for this post on :

YOUTUBE (in the comment section of the video of the week) : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz7yfp-xq-b08tD6mAWwclA

BLOGGER : http://gaymusicchart.blogspot.fr

FACEBOOK : https://www.facebook.com/GayMusicChart/

TWITTER : https://twitter.com/GayMusicChart with #GayMusicChart

TUMBLR : http://gaymusicchart.tumblr.com

Here is the recap for this week :

OUT : Oscar And The Wolf - Fever (LW: 21 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 21)

OUT : DJ Inox - Size Queen feat. Adam Joseph (LW: 24 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 24)

OUT : Michael Blume - Blunder (LW: 27 / WO: 11 / PEAK: 02)

OUT : BILLY - California High (LW: 34 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 34)

OUT : Les Funambules feat. Grégori Baquet & Magali Bonfils - Les évadés (LW: 35 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 35)

OUT : Michael Medrano feat. Steve Grand - Heal (LW: 38 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 38)

OUT : Wincent Weiss - An Wunder (LW: 41 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 41)

OUT : Glasperlenspiel - Royals & Kings (LW: 42 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 42)

OUT : Nicki French - Steal The Crown (Matt Pop Remix) (LW: 44 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 44)

OUT : Kiddy Smile - Dickmatized (with Crookers) (LW: 45 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 45)

OUT : Todrick Hall - Type (LW: 46 / WO: 7 / PEAK: 14)

OUT : Nanne - Ik Wil Meer (#Freepass) (LW: 47 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 47)

OUT : Janelle Monáe - I Like That (LW: 49 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 49)

01 (+ 1) : Troye Sivan - Bloom (Lyric Video) (LW: 02 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 01 (x1))

Australia - 2018

The Australian singer deleted a tweet where he said that the song was talking about bottoming. Now, he answer that it only talks about flowers. If the first explanation is real, the brilliant metaphore makes this song an enjoyable gay sex anthem.

02 (- 1) : Ryan O'Shaughnessy - Together (LW: 01 / WO: 12 / PEAK: 01 (x5))

Ireland - 2018

Congratulations Ireland for your 16th place in the final of the Eurovision Song Contest! But in semi-final, this act was censored in China because it includes two men dancing together. Meanwhile, in Russia, the commentator said that this act showed a strong male friendship.

03 (+ 40) : Years & Years - If You're Over Me (LW: 43 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 03)

UK - 2018 / from the album "Palo Santo"

04 (+ 6) : Kim Petras - Heart to Break (LW: 10 / WO: 8 / PEAK: 04)

Germany - 2018

This is the new music video of the transgender singer.

05 (=) : Saara Aalto - Monsters (LW: 05 / WO: 16 / PEAK: 02)

Finland - 2018

Finland came 25th in the final of the Eurovision Song Contest 2018.

06 (- 3) : Kodaline - Follow Your Fire (LW: 03 / WO: 7 / PEAK: 01 (x1))

Ireland - 2018

There is a gay couple in this music video.

07 (=) : Francisco Victoria - Todo lo que tengo (LW: 07 / WO: 7 / PEAK: 07)

Chile - 2018

08 (+ 14) : Céline Dion - Ashes (LW: 22 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 08)

Canada - 2018 / from the album "Deadpool 2 OST"

This is Yanis Marshall (and not Ryan Reynolds) who plays Deadpool dancing in high heels in this music video.

09 (+ 2) : Namuel - Poder (LW: 11 / WO: 14 / PEAK: 03)

Chile - 2018

10 (- 6) : Calum Scott - What I Miss Most (LW: 04 / WO: 12 / PEAK: 01 (x1))

UK - 2018 / from the album "Only Human"

The singer won the Metro Guilty Pleasures Award of the British Music Awards 2018.

11 (+ 6) : Openside - No Going Back (LW: 17 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 11)

New Zealand - 2018

12 (- 6) : Jackson Krecioch - Little Things (LW: 06 / WO: 6 / PEAK: 05)

USA - 2018

Jackson Krecioch is a 19 years old Musical.ly star and YouTuber. He came out publicly in 2016.

13 (- 1) : Netta - Toy (LW: 12 / WO: 10 / PEAK: 04)

Israel - 2018

And Israel won the Eurovision Song Contest 2018 : congratulations Netta!

14 (- 1) : Eli Lieb - The Nights We Lived (LW: 13 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 13)

USA - 2018 / from the album "The Nights We Lived"

The music video is composed with his own home footage taken over the past 15 years.

15 (- 6) : La Prohibida - La pubblicità (Un mondo ideale) (LW: 09 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 09)

Spain - 2018 / from the album "100k años de luz"

This is the new music video of the Spanish drag queen.

16 (- 8) : Lostchild - Blacklist (LW: 08 / WO: 8 / PEAK: 06)

UK - 2018

17 (+ 15) : Christine and The Queens feat. Dâm-Funk - Damn, dis-moi (LW: 32 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 17)

France – 2018

You can call the queer artist Christine or Chris now. The english version is titled "Girlfriend".

18 (+ 8) : Ryan Amador - Loverboy (LW: 26 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 18)

USA - 2018

Such a romantic love song...

19 (NEW) : Tiago Braga - Ilusão (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 19)

Portugal - 2018

A story of infidelity.

20 (+ 5) : Blair St. Clair - Now or Never (LW: 25 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 20)

USA - 2018

This is the first music video of the drag queen who was a contestant on the tenth season of RuPaul's Drag Race.

21 (- 1) : SAKIMA - Daddy (LW: 20 / WO: 24 / PEAK: 05)

UK - 2017

22 (NEW) : Colapesce - Maometto a Milano (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 22)

Italy - 2018 / from the album "Infedele"

The Italian singer dares to represent two Daesh fighters falling in love and then executed when their relationship is discovered. His music video is aged restricted on YouTube because of that.

23 (NEW) : Zolita - Come Home With Me (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 23)

USA - 2018 / from the EP "Sappho"

Her girlfriend in real life is in this music video with her.

24 (NEW) : BuzzFeedVideo - The History Of Queer Dance (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 24)

USA - 2018

The story of this young teen is emotional.

25 (NEW) : The Diesel Tykes feat. Scott Free - LGBT Alphabet Song (Pride Song) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 25)

USA - 2018

26 (+ 13) : Janelle Monáe - Pynk (LW: 39 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 21)

USA - 2018 / from the album "Dirty Computer"

27 (+ 6) : Don Diablo feat. Calum Scott - Give Me Love (LW: 33 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 10)

The Netherlands / UK - 2018 / from the album "FUTURE"

28 (- 13) : Years & Years - Sanctify (LW: 15 / WO: 12 / PEAK: 01 (x3))

UK - 2018

Years & Years singer Olly Alexander says the band’s new single Sanctify is about straight men who experiment with gay sex.

29 (- 15) : Alex Aris - Wrong Love (LW: 14 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 14)

Sweden - 2018

This is the first single in solo of the 29 years old Swedish singer. His song is talking "about someone who constantly falls in love with the wrong people. And it does not matter if it's a man or a woman", he said.

30 (+ 20) : Smashby - Wild One (LW: 50 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 31)

UK - 2018 / from the EP "Wild One"

31 (- 15) : Ben Davidson - Fallin In (Official Lyric Video) (LW: 16 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 14)

UK - 2018

32 (NEW) : Emmanuel Moire - Et si on parlait d’amour (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 32)

France - 2018

33 (- 15) : Keiynan Lonsdale - Kiss The Boy (Official Lyric Video) (LW: 18 / WO: 9 / PEAK: 15)

Australia - 2018

34 (- 4) : Francisco Victoria - Marinos (LW: 30 / WO: 22 / PEAK: 03)

Chile - 2017

This is the first single of the Chilean singer, produced by Alex Anwandter. A revelation.

35 (- 12) : Sam Smith feat. Logic - Pray (LW: 23 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 16)

UK / USA - 2018

Finally, a music video is available for this awesome collaboration.

36 (NEW) : Steven Redant + Joe Gauthreaux - Together and Always (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 36)

Spain / USA - 2018 / from the EP "Together and Always"

The music video is focused on an intriguing trouple.

37 (- 9) : Openside - I Feel Nothing (LW: 28 / WO: 16 / PEAK: 06)

New Zealand - 2017

Lead singer Possum Plows, who is gender non-binary, raises the transgender flag in this music video.

38 (NEW) : Melo Moreno - One More River (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 38)

Spain - 2018 / from the album "No soy una Señora"

39 (+ 1) : Not.Your.Regular.Boy. - Crazyland (LW: 40 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 31)

The Netherlands - 2018

Revealed on X-Factor and the Voice, this is his debut single.

40 (NEW) : Jake Shears - Creep City (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 40)

USA - 2018 / from the album "Jake Shears"

This is the debut single in solo of the lead singer of the band Scissor Sisters.

41 (- 5) : HEIDRIK - White Flag (LW: 36 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 34)

Faroe Islands (Denmark) - 2018 / from the album "Funeral"

42 (NEW) : King Princess - Talia (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 42)

USA - 2018

43 (NEW) : Be Steadwell - Sometimes (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 43)

USA - 2018 / from the album "Queer Love Songs"

44 (NEW) : Lars von Keitz - We Are Weeds (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 44)

USA - 2018

45 (NEW) : Titica - Reza Madame (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 45)

Angola - 2018 / from the album "Pra Quê Julgar"

46 (NEW) : SuperKnova - Night's A Bitch (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 46)

USA - 2018 / from the EP "Splendor Dysphoria"

47 (NEW) : Jaloo feat. BADSISTA - Say Goodbye (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 47)

Brazil - 2018

48 (NEW) : New Jiew - Tonight (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 48)

Thailand - 2018

This music video is focused on a gay teen in the closet who finds his happiness with the duo's music.

49 (RE-ENTRY) : Ian Sepheer - Cries Of The Jungle (LW: - / WO: 2 / PEAK: 23)

The Netherlands - 2018 / from the EP "After Dark"

This is the debut single of the 21 years old Dutch singer.

50 (- 19) : Asbjørn - Nothing 2 Lose (LW: 31 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 31)

Denmark - 2018

51 (NEW) : Ryan Beatty - Bruise (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 51)

USA - 2018

52 (NEW) : Leon Markcus feat. Bilal Hassani - Hot City (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 52)

Singapore / France - 2018

53 (- 5) : Tuure Boelius - Lätkäjätkä-Ville (LW: 48 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 23)

Finland - 2018

The 17 years old Finnish YouTuber decided to release this music video just before the debut of the Ice Hockey World Championship 2018, hoping changing mentalities for more acceptance and diversity in this sport. It caused a mediatic storm in Finland.

54 (- 17) : Trevor Moran - Sinner (LW: 37 / WO: 24 / PEAK: 01 (x2))

USA - 2017

55 (- 36) : Ірина Білик / Iryna Bilyk - Не ховай очей / Don't Hide Your Eyes (LW: 19 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 19)

Ukraine - 2018 / from the album "Без грима" / "Without Makeup"

The singer wanted to show her support to the Ukrainian LGBT community with this music video which shows several same-sex couples. It has been released on the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia.

56 (- 27) : Juan Guiã - Despacho (LW: 29 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 29)

Brazil - 2018 / from the EP "Também Sou Feito De Infernos"

57 (NEW) : Leon Else – My Kind Of Love (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 57)

UK - 2018 / from the album "13 Reasons Why - Season 2 OST"

58 (NEW) : Gumball Machine - I'm Gay And Instagram Is Ruining My Life (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 58)

USA - 2018 / from the album "Professional Fame"

59 (NEW) : The Internet - Roll (Burbank Funk) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 59)

USA - 2018

60 (NEW) : K's Choice - Je Ne Rêve Plus De Toi (live @ Liefde Voor Muziek) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 60)

Belgium - 2018

ALSO NEW THIS WEEK

Leland - Mattress

USA - 2018

Brett "Leland" McLaughlin is a LGBT singer and songwriter who has composed many songs of Troye Sivan.

Saro - Boy Afraid

USA - 2018 / from the EP "Boy Afraid"

Robin Schulz & Marc Scibilia - Unforgettable

Germany - 2018 / from the album "Uncovered"

Is it more than a friendship with these two young women ?

DJ Inox - Size Queen feat. Adam Joseph (shorts version) (LW: 24 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 24)

USA - 2018

This version, with only bulges in shorts, is made by Adam Joseph. It's not really surprising that it was censored very quickly on YouTube.

Monét X Change feat. Bob The Drag Queen - Soak It Up

USA - 2018

Peppermint - Black Pepper

USA - 2018 / from the EP "Black Pepper"

Tatianna feat. Salvadora Dali - Try

USA - 2018 / from the album "T1"

Kennedy Davenport feat. Dresia Dee - Moving Up

USA - 2018

Jiggly Caliente - FckBoi

USA - 2018 / from the album "T.H.O.T. Process"

Alexis Michelle - Lovefool

USA - 2018 / from the album "Lovefool"

This is a cover of the Cardigans.

Chumina Power feat. Pupi Poisson - Cuanta Ramera

Spain - 2018 / from the album "No soy una Señora"

J Pee - Candy Rapper

USA - 2018

Roy Kinsey - BSAYF

USA - 2018

Benjamin Hey! - Drank Cup!

USA - 2018

JC Brooks Band - Anywhere But America

USA - 2018

Goro Gocher - Inmoral

Uruguay - 2018 / from the album "No Corresponde"

The footages are from Andrew Christian.

Mohan - Um hino para um gay que se foi

Brazil - 2018

Mohan is the new name of Mr John.

Christina Aguilera feat. Demi Lovato - Fall In Line

USA - 2018 / from the album "Liberation"

Tom Hugo - Family (The Norwegian Pride Song)

Norway - 2018

Javi Agudo - Calentito

Spain - 2018

Benjamin Koll - I Don't Wanna Fight

Mexico - 2018 / from the album "Songs For a Better Future"

Yeyo - El Principio Del Fin (Lyric Video)

Spain - 2018

Asbjørn - We & I

Denmark – 2018

Eloy - Egal was andere sagen

The Netherlands - 2018 / from the album "Kopf aus - Herz an"

This cover of Boyzone is a tribute to his former boyfriend Stephen Gately.

Janelle Monáe - Make Me Feel [The Voice Performance]

USA - 2018

Dorian Wood - Sœur Adèle

USA - 2018

ERASURE - Phantom Bride

UK - 2018 / from the album "World Be Live"

Max Weyers - Du bringst mich um (live @ CSD Rostock 2017)

Germany - 2016

Sam Smith - Pray (Live at the O2)

UK - 2018 / from the album "he Thrill of It All"

Ricky Martin feat. Wisin, Yandel - Fiebre (live @ Premios Billboard de la Música Latina 2018)

Spain / Puerto Rico – 2018

Troye Sivan and Taylor Swift - My My My (live @ Reputation Tour @ Rose Bowl Night 2)

Australia / USA - 2018

Eli Lieb - Ashes (Celine Dion Cover)

USA - 2018

Sam Tsui - No Tears Left to Cry (Ariana Grande Cover)

USA - 2018

Ty Herndon - Slow Down (Brandon Stansell Acoustic Cover & Interview)

USA - 2018

Seeing these two together in this interview is really interesting.

See you next week and don’t forget to vote for your best LGBTQA music videos ! Here are the rules :

1 ) You can vote for many videos as you want under the videos on YouTube in the comment section. It could be recent or past music videos, which must provide at least one among the following conditions:

- the music video has LGBTQA related content, in the lyrics or the music video

- the artist is LGBTQA, an LGBTQA icon or eventually ally

- LGBTQA medias talked about it.

2 ) You can’t vote more than 3 songs of a same artist per week.

3 ) In case of an artist who receive votes mostly by a fan base, we will count only one song, in a limited time of 4 weeks of presence in the top.

4 ) You can vote with only one account.

5 ) If you make 5 votes or less, your first vote will represent 5 points, your second vote 4 points, etc… until your last vote and following 1 point. If you make 6 to 10 votes, your first vote will represent 10 points, your second vote 9 points, etc… If you make more than 10 votes, your first vote will represent 20 points, your second vote 19 points, etc…

6 ) People who make 1 to 5 votes form the amateur ranking, those who make 6 to 10 votes form the fan ranking, those who make more than 10 votes form the expert ranking. We form the jury ranking. And we count now the ranking of minutes of views of our weekly playlist of the previous week. The Gay Music Chart is the addition of the five charts. In case of equality, the number of votes and the dates of votes will count.

7 ) The votes will close on Thursday, 8 PM, European time.

#gay #music #chart #LGBT #2018 week 22

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71tenseventeen · 7 years ago

Text

Shelter-(20)

Here it is. I hope I did them justice.

Next chapter will be an Epilogue.

Geno calls several times a day for the first two weeks.

Sidney never answers but he cries every time it rings.

By the time a month has passed, the calls have tapered down to once a day.

It hurts. Sidney knew it would. He did this for a reason.

Everytime he reaches for the phone, he reminds himself of that.

–

Sidney lands a job doing janitorial work at the rink. The hours are more regular than at the diner and he gets paid a little bit more.

Then Taylor gets the flu and a double ear infection. Sidney misses too many days during his probationary period and gets fired.

He gets fired from the grocery store when he oversleeps after staying up for most of three nights in a row with a teething Taylor.

He eventually gets hired back on at the diner.

He tries hard not to think about how much Mom would hate that. Taylor has to be taken care of.

There’s no one else left to do it.

–

Geno tries to call four times on Sidney’s birthday. He’s the only person who remembers.

–

In August Sidney hides all the mail he ever got from University of Pittsburgh in a box in the closet so he can try to forget about it.

Some days he thinks it’s close to working.

–

By September, Geno’s only calling once a week.

–

At the beginning of October Sidney splurges on a $5 costume for Taylor at the thrift store. He wants to take her trick-or-treating this year like Mom always did with him.

The next day the car blows a tire.

The first Pens game of the regular season is a couple of days later but Sidney pawned the TV to help pay for a new tire so he doesn’t have to worry about accidentally seeing Geno on TV.

There’s no money left for Thanksgiving dinner but he buys a pack of sliced turkey. He and Taylor have sandwiches and peas.

–

Sidney takes Taylor trick or treating and can’t stand the sympathetic looks he gets from every single neighbor’s house they go to.

He lets her eat too much candy and she gets sick all over him in the middle of the night.

–

Geno doesn’t call at all in November.

Sidney puts away all the pictures and reminders of Geno that he can find.

He takes off the necklace and tucks it away with the ring.

He wishes he didn’t still cry every day. He wishes it didn’t hurt so much.

–

Sidney can’t bring himself to set up the tree and lights in December. There’s no money for presents and even if there was, no one’s around to give them any anyhow.

–

A few days before Christmas a box arrives. It’s from Geno.

It contains a wrapped box for Taylor and a sealed card for Sidney. He swallows his pride and opens the box with Taylor. There are several warm outfits, a couple of hats and some toys for her.

Sidney is so sick of crying.

He tucks the card away in a book without opening it.

–

On New Year’s Eve Sidney cuts up a bag of newspaper confetti. Taylor falls asleep by nine. Sidney throws the bag of confetti in the trash and goes to bed.

–

In early January a car pulls into the drive. Sidney instinctively knows who it is.

He wonders when he got released.

He meets Troy at the door. “What do you want?”

Troy frowns. “Trina at work?”

Sidney feels like he’s been punched but he lets out a huff of laughter. “No.”

“Look, Sidney, I’m really not in the mood for-”

Sidney cuts him off by shoving a copy of Trina’s funeral program into his hands. Troy looks back and forth between it and Sidney a few times before he finally reads the text and looks up, shocked. “Is this a joke?”

“Fuck you.” Sidney makes to shut the door but Troy stops it with an outstretched arm.

“Sidney, I didn’t know.” To his credit, Troy looks completely dumbfounded.

“Well now you do.”

“What happened?”

“That’s none of your business.”

Troy furrows his brow. “What do you mean, none of my business? She was my-”

Sidney cuts him off again. “What? She was your what? Not your wife—you divorced her and left us when I was a baby.”

“You don’t know anything about what happened between us.”

Sidney shakes his head. “It should have been you.”

Troy freezes. “What did you say?”

“I said it should have been you.” Sidney glares hard at Troy and fights tearing up with every fiber of his being.

Troy looks like he’d like to say any number of things, none of them particularly nice, but in the end he just sets his jaw and shakes his head before he walks away.

–

Bye week is coming up again. Sidney knows because he hears rumblings, people speculating whether Geno will spend it in town again. Every customer he waits on seems to know that Sidney and Geno were best friends and he’s constantly being asked how Geno is doing, if Sidney will visit him in Pittsburgh sometime, if Sidney can get them an autograph.

Sidney is so tired.

–

Geno comes into the diner and, of course, sits in Sidney’s section.

Sidney can’t ask someone else to take the table—they would know something’s up so he takes a deep breath and goes. “Hey. Specials today are Patty Melt with Onion rings, Turkey wrap with steamed veggies and Chicken Pot Pie.”

“Sid.”

“$6.99 a plate for the specials.”

“Sidney.”

“We also have peach pie and banana pudding on the dessert menu today.”

“Sid.”

Sidney takes a deep breath. “What, Geno?”

“We not together so you act like you not even know me?”

“It’s not…that’s not what I’m doing.”

“Seem like it to me.”

Sidney sighs. “Why are you here?”

“I call and call, you never answer. I think maybe I go to house, you not answer door so I come here.”

Sidney feels his cheeks flush because, honestly, Geno is probably right about that. “Geno, I have to work. I can’t—I can’t just stand here and talk to you.”

“Fine. Patty Melt, no onions. Curly fries instead of onion rings. Two sides of macaroni and cheese, order of poutine and side of baked beans with bacon. Strawberry Lemonade and two glasses water.”

Sidney looks at him incredulously.

“Play hockey, Sid! Middle of season, always hungry,” Geno says, sounding a little defensive.

“Okay. I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

“Sid, wait.”

Here it comes, Sidney thinks, and braces himself for what Geno has to say next.

“Diner still have honey butter?”

That isn’t what he was expecting. “Uhh, yeah?”

Geno nods. “Add basket of rolls and honey butter.”

“Okay, Geno.”

He’s hit with a split second of intense fondness before reality intrudes and he remembers Geno isn’t his anymore.

Sidney wonders if it will always hurt this much.

Each time he goes to the table, Sidney braces himself for whatever Geno wants to say to him but Geno eats (and eats and eats) and then orders and eats dessert (two slices of peach pie) and he still hasn’t said anything.

When Sidney brings his check over Geno finally touches his wrist gently and looks up at Sidney, eyes full of hope. “Family leave early this morning for trip to Russia. You think about come over tonight? We talk?”

“You know I can’t do that, Geno.”

Geno sighs and gives Sidney a sad smile. “Okay. I leave tomorrow at six for airport if you change mind.”

“Geno…” Sidney’s heart hurts.

Geno stands and looks down at Sidney with sad eyes. “Doesn’t matter if today, tomorrow, a year, ten years from now, Sid. Will always be here when you ready.”

Sidney watches him leave the diner and then looks down at the table. There’s a (huge) tip and an envelope that just says “Sid” and “Please read” on it. Sidney swallows down the lump in his throat as he stuffs it all in his pockets.

–

Becky’s late for her overnight shift and Sidney has to work over until she gets there so it’s late when he finally gets home and retrieves a sleeping Taylor from Dorothy next door. He eases her into her crib and wants nothing more than to faceplant in bed himself but Geno’s envelope has been burning a hole in his brain all night.

He makes himself shower first before he settles on his bed and turns it over in his hands. It’s crinkled and bent where Sidney had to fold it in half to fit into his pocket. It’s not overly thick but Sidney can tell there’s probably a handful of pieces of paper in it.

He takes a deep breath and opens it.

The first thing is a pamphlet from University of Pittsburgh with the words “Student Parents” and pictures of what are apparently students with their small children on the front. Geno has highlighted various things in the pamphlet like the section on campus daycare facilities, online classes and other resources available to students who have small children. There are a couple of notes written in Geno’s messy scrawl. Things like, “Offer at least 7 class for your major online,” and “Meet with teachers of one year old babies and they answer all my question but maybe you have more. Question on yellow paper.”

Sidney shuffles the papers and plucks out a slightly crumpled paper torn from a legal pad. On it there are—Sidney’s eyes go a little wide. There are twenty seven questions listed out and notes all over the paper about the answers Geno got to those questions. Things like “bring own diapers,” and “can bring own food or eat daycare food,” and “good security.”

Sidney swallows hard and puts the pamphlet and papers aside.

The next is a printout from the University website about their student parent housing options with a note scrawled across the top. “For if Sidney want to live on own with Taylor.”

After that is a long list that Geno has compiled of activities, book stores and places to go with toddlers in Pittsburgh.

The fifth and final piece of paper is information about internships with the Pens for physical trainers. The note at the top says, “I talk to trainers and they say they give bigger chance for friend of player.” On the bottom of the paper, Geno has written, “Sid-Whether you be with me or not, want you to follow dreams. Love, Geno.”

Sidney drops his head into his hands and cries for a long time.

Eventually he gathers up the papers and tucks the envelope carefully into his nightstand. While the drawer is open, his eyes fall on the little box that he keeps the necklace and ring in. He pulls it out and runs his fingers over it, leaning back against the headboard. He spends a lot of time thinking before he can finally drift off to sleep.

He jerks awake sometime in the early morning hours and looks at the clock. It’s just a couple minutes after five. Sidney is laying there wondering why he woke up when he realizes it’s really cold in his room.

He throws on some socks and a hoodie and checks to be sure there isn’t somehow a window open and then goes to check the thermostat. It’s set at 72* but the inside temperature is only 52.

“Fuck!”

He dashes to the closet where the heating unit is and yanks open the door. It only takes him a minute to figure out that it’s not on and it’s not going to turn back on. It’s -8 outside and the heat just went out. Sidney doesn’t have a dime to fix it.

He sinks to the floor and drops his head on his knees, crying for the second time in 6 hours, feeling crushed by the weight of everything that’s happened. It’s below freezing outside and they don’t have heat. The car has been making a strange noise for the last week and their microwave quit working a month ago. This is it, he thinks. This is what I have to look forward to.

He’ll always have something horrible to struggle with—broken down cars, blown tires, broken heating systems and he will never have enough money to deal with it it. He’ll never make enough to take care of Taylor the way she deserves. He’ll always be living with the fear of Troy showing up again. He’ll always be alone, will never be able to look at someone else without thinking of Geno.

Geno who loves him so much that he went and interviewed teachers to see if they were worthy of Taylor. Geno who loves him so much he gathered all of this information and wanted Sidney to have it even if he decided not to be with Geno.

Sidney gasps out a sob because of everything that’s crashing down on him, that’s the worst. He loves Geno and Geno loves him and he pushed him away. In that moment he knows it’s the biggest mistake he’s ever made, knows that he doesn’t have to do this alone— he never had to He’d been so stupid that he let the only person in the world that he’s ever been able to truly count on go. In less than an hour he’ll be leaving again for Pittsburgh and—

Sidney jumps up.

There’s still time.

The call goes straight to voicemail. Geno’s phone isn’t on.

He crams his feet into shoes before running to gently pull Taylor out of her crib. “I’m so sorry, Tay. We have to go. We need to go see Geno, okay?”

He dresses her in layers and then puts her snowsuit and hat on over all of it. She’s not thrilled.

He yanks on his own hat, gloves and coat and then grabs a fleece blanket for Taylor for good measure before hustling out to the car.

It doesn’t start.

Sidney tries and tries but it just makes a clicking sound and he bites back his tears as he pulls an increasingly cranky Taylor out of her carseat and bundles the blanket over her in his arms. It’s just three blocks, they can make it. He’ll run if he has to.

He gets there at 5:48 but there’s no car in the driveway and his heart sinks. He rings the bell. When no one answers he rings it again. And again. By the third time he knows no one will answer. He waited too long.

Geno is gone.

It takes him longer to trudge home but he tries to keep a quick pace, if for no other reason than to get Taylor out of the cold, not that it’s much warmer in their house. He wonders what will happen to them if he can’t figure out a way to fix the heat. Probably nothing good.

Tears track down his cheeks as he apologizes softly to her while he carries her home. “I’m so sorry, Taylor. I’m so sorry. I was too late. I messed up and I was too late. He loves us and he would have taken care of us. We would have been a family and I blew it.”

Sidney is devastated.

He turns the corner onto their street and freezes when he looks up.

There’s a car parked behind his in the driveway.

Geno.

Sidney runs the rest of the way, despite Taylor’s protests and bounds up onto the porch where his front door is hanging open. “Geno?”

Geno dashes out of the hallway to the front door. “Sid! Where you go? I come here, think try one last time and your front door open, car door open. Can’t find you. You and Taylor gone and I’m so scared!” He moves close and grips Sidney’s cheeks. Sidney doesn’t pull away.

“Sid what wrong? What happen? Why you out in cold with Taylor? Why you cry?” Geno looks so shaken and Sidney doesn’t know how he ever could have pushed him away.

His lip quivers as he speaks. “You said you were leaving at six and I just, I wanted to see if…if it’s not too late…”

Geno’s eyes open a little wider. “You mean, Sid? You want?”

Tears are spilling over again as Sidney nods and rasps out, “I’m so sorry, Geno. I love you. I miss you so much. You are the best person I’ve ever known and I’ve been so stupid.”

“Oh Sid. I tell you already. Never too late.” And then Geno kisses him and the weight of the world is gone from Sidney’s shoulders.

A few hours later, the three of them board a plane to Pittsburgh.

#my fic #shelter #sidgeno

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gay-jesus-probably · 7 years ago

Text

so i’ve already done a well recieved text post on some actual facts about takashi shirogane and the entire thing is mostly joking but also completely my headcanons forever

but i figured in honour of season three just kidding i’ve been up all night reading voltron fanfiction havent gotten around to watching S3 yet so here some shiro headcanons that are actually my legit take on his life pre-kerberos

he’s only a partial american citizen. as a teenager, he was a japanese citizen with a school visa to attend the garrison, and after graduating he very easily recieved a work visa, but eventually for conveniences sake reluctantly went for partial citizenship once things started getting serious. he’s not happy about it. he’s in america for the space, he’s not a fan of the country as a whole.

and on the same note, due to being an american and japanese citizen, during the early stages of the kerberos mission set up (like years before launch) the publicity team initially tried to label him as an american astronaut. the second he found out, shiro very firmly demanded that everything related to him be marked with japans flag, not americas, thank you very much.

and again on that note, due to being the sole pilot of the furthest space mission ever, and doing it as a japanese astronaut, shiro met the prime minister of japan once. if there wasnt pictures of him with the prime minister, shiro probably would have convinced himself it wasnt real.

his first language was japanese, obviously. he learned how to read at about three, due to his parents reading to him literally every night, and also him being a genius. he didn’t give the faintest hint of a fuck about other languages, until he realised he wanted to join the galaxy garrison, at which point he went oh shit it’s only in english there, and started studying english like a madman. and spanish, because america’s got two official languages and you never know. and french and russian, because canada and russia are the other major players in space, and you can never be too careful.

mind you he learned these all in a purely academic setting as a teenager, so while he was fluent in all of them by the time he was old enough for the garrison, he was unpleasantly surprised to find that everyone used too much slang and contractions, and he was speaking in a very stilted and mechanical way with a hell of an accent. it took him about a year to get his english to a natural level, and he put up with harrasment for years until he managed to completely scrub out his accent. as a result, the majority of his friends at the garrison were other ESL students from overseas. he still kept every single one of his electronics set to japanese, and when tired, distracted or stressed, if someone tries to talk to him he is much more likely to respond in japanese without noticing. any time he’s returning from a trip home to visit his family, for the first week he starts every other sentence in rapid japanese, stops halfway through, thinks it over, and repeats himself in slower english. its rough to switch over.

he started going by shiro because in his first year, luck of the draw meant he was the only non-american in his astrophysics class, and the instructor was one who believed in groupwork and lots of it, so within a month everyone was acquaintances. there was mass confusion about if shiro’s name was shirogane or takashi, and attempts to explain made it worse. the matter was not helped by this being first year, and shiro not having the best grasp on conversational english. eventually he gave up and just told them all to call him shiro, because just shirogane sounded weird when everyone else went by their first names, and people kept pronouncing takashi weird so he gave up and took a nickname. it grew on him and he stuck with it.

while the garrison had the most international students out of any school in america, it was still very much a predominantly american school with 60% of the students being american. another 20% were canadian, british or australian. white native english speakers were a vast majority, and shiro had to deal with some racists. the racists he honestly didnt mind too much, because he could just physically drag them to an instructor he knew was sympathetic, explain what happened, and boom problem solved. what he absoloutely fucking hated were the weeaboos. he hated them. hated them so much. as a very attractive japanese teenager, he was getting weird fetishizing love letters at least once a month. and the amount of times he got invited to join the anime club. explaining to them that no he actually couldnt stand anime was too much of a chore to be worth it. eventually he worked out how to be juuuust enough of an asshole that they went away, but he wasnt in trouble for it. it was a very frustrating part of his life.

he grew up on hokkaido, specifically in sapporo because hunk and lance are both from tropical islands, keith is from desert texas, and pidge probably lived in the south her whole life because her father was a Big Deal with the galaxy garrison, which is the evolved form of NASA, and NASA operated entirely in the south. my canadian heart cannot handle an entire team thats used to just different shades of fucking hot, i need one of them to be from freeze your balls off up north, and its gotta be shiro.

although ironically, while shiro was more than happy to join the unofficial tradition of students from cold areas laughing at students from warm areas whenever the temperatures dropped, shiro was spending most of the year in florida, where the garrison is, and going back to sapporo during the summer for breaks, as the winter and spring break werent long enough to make the flights worth it. his tolerance for the cold dropped dramatically. his first year after graduating, he went back to sapporo in december for the first time, and was very displeased to realise that he was not prepared for the cold anymore. not prepared at all. oh god. holy shit.

after his application into the garrison was approved, things were a bit awkward for shiro because this meant unenrolling from the high school he’d been attending, and waiting to start class in the new semester at the galaxy garrison. he got the acceptance in spring. classes in japan start in april. classes in america start in september. it was like being on break, but it lasted half a year. it was surreal for shiro. i mean sure, there was preparing to go to america alone, but passport and visa prep only takes up so much time, and luggage/packing isnt a problem until the week leading up to leaving. he spent a lot of time lying around the house during that half year. you can only study alone for so long before you need to do something else. the sudden switch from the highly pressured japanese school enviroment to ~nothing to do~ was very jarring, but ended up functioning as a sort of gap year. as a genius kid, he was under a lot of pressure. being able to take a step back and breathe did him a world of good.

shiro is extremely foul mouthed, but has a reputation for almost never swearing. this is because he never completely gets the hang of english swearing, and decides to just not bother with working out how to properly say things that will land him in shit anyways. but he swears. almost constantly. just, in japanese. its hilariously common for other students to think “oh, there goes shiro, thinking outloud to himself” while shiro is actually violently swearing under his breath about forgetting his notes in his dorm. in his last year, he accidentally traumatized a first year from tokyo, when he was attempting to find a book he needed for his thesis from the library, and the computer he was using refused to cooperate. this led to him furiously cursing out the poor computer. in earshot of the first year, whose offended gasp was legendary. shiro immediately bribed her into secrecy. noone must know.

shiro realised he was pansexual during his half year hangtime between high school and garrison. while not exactly locked in the closet, he didn’t really think the information needed to be shared with anyone, and he was too busy with classes to really want to date anyone. he was only trying to hide his orientation from the weeaboos, mentioned earlier, who would have gotten even worse with the creepy fetishizing and never left him alone. he’s never really dated, and his experience is fooling around with other cadets, and the occasional one night stand when he was older with civilians his age in the nearby town. upon being considered for the kerberos mission, he immediately started very carefully making sure nobody found out about his sexuality. the first public broadcast from the kerberos ship was live to the world, and ended with shiro cheerfully declaring himself the first openly pansexual man in space. mission control had not been warned of this. the only parties warned in advance were sam and matt holt, and they both strongly approved of the idea.

after the kerberos team was declared dead from pilot error, it eventually came out that the garrison had no idea what caused the mission failure, and that the ship just suddenly lost communication and vanished, and that the pilot had been a convenient scapegoat. there was immediate backlash from a great deal of parties. over two dozen different LGBT and/or POC rights groups filed lawsuits against the Garrison, calling rascism and/or homophobia. international relations between america and japan turned frosty. shiro had previously been considered a national tragedy crossed with embarrasement for apparently fucking up such an important mission, but oh the speed at which that turned around. multiple cities, including sapporo and tokyo, comission statues of shiro practically overnight. he immediately swung around to national tragedy crossed with hero.

#voltron #voltron legendary defender #shiro #takashi shirogane

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artificialqueens · 7 years ago

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So Emotional (Sashea) Chapter 1 -MissChimKi

A/N: So this is my first time writing for the RPDR fandom and I’m super excited about this fic. If anyone is interested in being a beta for me it would be so helpful. I need someone to help me keep my run on sentences at bay and to listen to be while I constantly debate on changing the plot and the ships in this story. More tags and ships will be added as this continues.

Summary:

Sasha opened the door to her room to reveal her roommate unpacking. Of course it would be Sasha’s luck, that it was the stunning girl who had almost run her over with her luggage. The girl turned to see her and started laughing.

In which Sasha and Shea are roommates for their freshman year of college and Sasha is a useless lesbian who doesn’t want Shea to know that and Shea is just trying to live her best Chicago life while being in NYC.

Sasha lifts yet another box filled with her random junk and sighs. She and her dad had been moving her in to her dorm for about an hour now and she was already cursing herself for bringing too much. She knew that one of her biggest weaknesses was editing things down and of course she could already tell she had brought too much. She was considering repacking some stuff and telling her dad to bring it back home but then she worried that she would in fact need it so she just sighed and continued to put stuff away while directing her dad on where to put everything.

She felt a little bad that she was just claiming a side of the room, but her roommate was nowhere to be seen. She really just wanted her stuff to be moved in so she tried to keep her stuff on her side as to not disturb her future roommate. Sasha opted or a random roommate, trying to get out of her comfort zone, but now she was starting to get anxious about it. Would she have been better off rooming alone or with Aquaria or Dusty or even just living at home and commuting? She had promised herself that she would try to get the full college experience. She had lived her whole life up to this point in her own little bubble, with people she trusted and that had undoubtedly made her life easier. Even with coming out and the loss of her mom she had wonderful people who she could rely on and that meant everything to her.

She felt like it was the right time to break out of her shell. New school and new opportunities. While she wouldn’t abandon her old life and friends, she was also looking forward to the change. Her dad speaking brought her from her thoughts. “Is there anything else you need me to do?” he asked, pushing the empty box to the side.

Sasha shook her head, “I mostly just have to organize it all. Thanks for helping me move in everything,” she walked over to her dad and gave him a hug. She hadn’t always been this close with her dad, especially after she came out. He never seemed to know how it interact with her. It was almost like he was walking on eggshells afraid of offending her at any moment. This changed completely after her mom passed away. She was devastated by her mom’s death as was her dad and they found their way back to a relationship. It took time but now they were closer than they had ever been. She felt bad leaving her dad behind, but she knew now that they would always make time for each other.

“Well if that’s all you need me for I guess I’ll head out and let you unpack,” he says with a sad smile. “I’m only a quick ride away and if you ever need picked up from anywhere for any reason call me or one of the people from the bar, I know you all look out after each other like family.”

Sasha smiled up at him, “Of course, you know I’m always careful.”

He shrugged, “I’m a bit disappointed I didn’t get to meet your roommate but I’m sure that will happen in due time.”

She nodded, “Yeah, I’m getting anxious about it but maybe she’s not moving in until later, who knows,” she shakes her head as they walk towards the door. “I’ll walk you back to the car, it might help me learn this campus a little.”

“Well it’s not too far away, but you can at least know this little corner of campus,” he chuckled as they got into the elevator. Sasha was on the twelfth floor in a fourteen story building so she wasn’t looking forward to the elevator ever being down. When they reached the bottom Sasha stepped out and collided with a girl carrying two suitcases that were packed so full they looked like they could bust any minute.

“Oh my god girl, I’m so sorry,” the girl apologized checking if Sasha was alright. Sasha got a chance to look at the girl. She wasn’t much taller than Sasha but she had legs for days. She was wearing black shorts and a white tank top but somehow she managed to look fashionable in an effortless type of way. She was stunning and Sasha caught herself staring.

“No it’s fine, no harm done. I should pay more attention to my surroundings,” Sasha finally replied giving the girl a slight smile.

She returned it with a bigger one, “You and me both girl, I probably hit a few people with these bags on the way here I was so excited,” she laughed and Sasha giggled along.

“Do you need any help?” Sasha offered momentarily forgetting that she was supposed to be walking back to the car with her dad.

She shook her head, “No I should be good, just gotta get these up to my room.”

“Okay cool, well good luck, try not to run into anything else,” She joked before waving awkwardly and walking to meet up with her dad who had moved to the entrance of the building. He gave her a knowing look which she chose to ignore. Part of her was happy that her dad was acknowledging her sexuality but most of her was embarrassed.

It was a quiet and quick walk to the car and while Sasha hadn’t felt it before, now she could feel the page turning in her life, and it was more terrifying than she would care to admit. In a way it felt freeing. She could loosen up and be proud about her life, art and sexuality. She wasn’t necessarily in the closet in high school, but she always kept that part of her to herself and to her group of friends at the gay bar. It was her own little sanctuary where she could completely be herself. Now she hoped that college could be that for her too. Even in an accepting place like New York she still felt uncomfortable. She just wanted to start feeling comfortable in her own skin.

They reached the car and her dad pulled her in for another hug. He was rarely affectionate and she had only seen him cry a few times in her life but as he pulled away she could see the tears in his eyes, a little blurry because of the tears in her own eyes. “It’s not like I’m leaving forever or going to war,” she wasn’t entirely sure if she was trying to comfort him or herself.

He nodded and wiped his eyes, “I know, but it’s a big step and it’s going to take a while to get used to a quiet house.” The silence hung heavy in the air. Without her or her mom there her dad would really be alone. Sure he’d have Vanya, their dog, but it wouldn’t be the same and they both knew it.

She gave him a sad smile, “I’m going to call you like twice a day to give you the rundown on all my life’s woes,” she promised.

“I know,” he said, “I fully expect an update on your roommate as soon as they walk in the door.”

She laughed, “Of course I’ll give you all the T.”

“Good, love you Sash. I’m so proud of you. Your mother would be too.”

Sasha didn’t trust her voice so she just nodded. “Work hard and keep your grades up, but also make sure to have fun. These are going to be some of the best years of your life. Who knows you might even meet someone special.” Her mom and dad meet in college. Her mom an international student from Russia, her dad was immediately smitten. They fell in love and then her mother had to move back to Russia after graduation. Somehow they managed to continue their relationship and they ended up getting married in order to be in the same country. Sasha ended up spending the first eleven years of her life in Russia before they moved back to the United States.

Her mother got sick after a little over a year of being in the US and ended up passing away a year after that. Instead of moving back to Russia like Sasha expected. They moved to New York City. Sasha had come out as gay shortly before her mother passed. She hated feeling like she had a deadline to come out, but she knew she would regret it forever if she didn’t come out before her mother passed. Her dad knew it wouldn’t be safe for Sasha in Russia so they ended up in a very liberal city. While Sasha knew her father was confused and didn’t agree with her sexuality, she had to appreciate him doing everything he could to keep her safe.

“I love you dad, have a safe trip back home, and text me when you get back,” Sasha told him giving him a big hug.

“I love you too Sash,” he held her for a long time before pulling away and kissing her forehead. “You’re going to do great things in your life and at this school.”

She wiped the tears that had begun to fall down her face, “Thank you, for everything,” she knew he would understand when she meant. His support meant everything to her and that was one of the reasons she was able to achieve everything in her life thus far. Being an immigrant and a Fulbright scholar was a lot to be proud of and having such a great support system made it even better. She waved as her dad drove away. She was a little terrified but a lot excited to start this new chapter in her life.

She smiled to herself as she made her way back to her dorm. She didn’t care if she looked crazy to the people she passed. She was sure they had their own lives to worry about anyways. The walk to her dorm was pretty short. She would have to explore campus more in the next few days, but even just seeing this small chunk of it made her heart soar. She could already tell this chapter in her life was going to be something special and remarkable.

She climbed in the elevator beside two overzealous girls. “Mama this is going to be the best year ever, okur,” the leggy blonde told her friend.

“Absolutely,” the girl with a hoola hoop looking bag draped over her shoulder responded. Sasha was relieved when they finally got off the elevator and left her to herself. Though she did hope she found some genuine friends here. She could tell that the bond those girls shared was special, even if it was a little loud and obnoxious.

“Girl what are the odds, not the best way to make a first impression, but I guess now we’ll have lots of time to get to know each other,” the girl made her way over to Sasha and pulled her in for a hug. “I’m Shea,” she said pulling away.

“Sasha,” she responded, a little surprised by how forward Shea was. “Sorry if I kind of took over a side, I wasn’t sure when you would be coming.”

Shea waved it off, “It’s fine, I’m just glad you didn’t try to take over the whole room before I got here because that would have been messy,” she joked.

“For some reason I don’t think that would be the best way to start off a year of living with a stranger,” Sasha quipped in return.

“I can think of worse ways, but you’re probably right about that.” Shea had gone back to unpacking her things. Even in the two huge suitcases she couldn’t fit that much. Sasha figured she must have come from far enough away to have had to take a plane.

“So where are you from,” Sasha figured small talk couldn’t hurt.

Shea turned around with a huge smile on her face, “I guess it’s obvious that I’m not from here then?” Sasha shrugged. “Bitch I am from Chicago,” she said playfully.

“Oh wow that’s a long way to come then. Was it just so you could eat real pizza?” Sasha teased.

Shea laughed, “Oh now you’re gonna read I see how it is. New York pizza is thin greasy trash. My heart will always belong to Chicago and its delicious pizza, but a change in scenery is never a bad thing.”

Sasha nodded, “That makes sense. New York is the way to go. There’s never a dull day here, always new things to do and to try.”

“Yeah, I’m really excited to be living here,” Shea had a genuine smile on her face as they talked. She had an air of confidence about her that Sasha had really only ever had when she was in her element at Look Queen and even that was pushing it. For Shea to move alone to a new city and already seem so sure of herself and excited for what was to come was so foreign to Sasha.

After not even an hour of meeting Shea she could already tell that she was someone others gravitated to. The spotlight just fell on her and she knew exactly what to do with it. Sasha couldn’t relate to that lifestyle at all. She tried her best to not stand out and even in areas where she excelled, she tended to only show that to select people. She was sure that Shea didn’t hide her strengths at all, and that made her a little intimidated.

“I’ll definitely have to show you all the cool lesser known spots, but you’ll have to do the touristy stuff on your own time. I’ve lived here for almost five years now and I got tired of the basic tourism stuff in the first week,” Sasha explained.

Shea nodded, hanging up an orange, Muppet looking, fuzzy jacket. Sasha had absolutely no idea where she would get any use out of that, but to each their own. “I feel that, the Chicago tourists were the death of me. I still gotta see all the basic stuff though.”

“Oh I fully encourage it. It’s pretty exciting, but there’s so much more to experience in your time here.” Once Sasha started coming in to her own and making more friends in the city, it really became home to her. She had so much pride for the city and showing it off would be a lot of fun. She hoped that she and Shea would become at least close enough for her to show off some of her favorite spots in the city to her.

“Girl imma hold you to being my personal tour guide, even this campus is confusing. I ended up walking across most of it trying to find this dorm and I still couldn’t tell you where anything is so I have no idea how I’m going to figure out the subway.”

Sasha laughed, “I’ll help you with the subway, though it can’t be too different from the L so I think you’ll be fine, but I’m just as confused by this campus. Maybe we can walk around tomorrow and try to figure it out.”

“Yes please,” Shea agreed, “There’s that activity fair thing too so we can probably get a bunch of freebees, I mean technically our tuition probably pays for it somewhere so we gotta take advantage of all we can.”

“Yes of course we’ll have to take advantage of everything,” Sasha smiled. They continued to unpack, making some small talk. Sasha felt comfortable talking to Shea, but she had made the decision before even meeting Shea that she would keep her sexuality on the down low with whoever she was living with. She had come such a long way since being in the closet, but she didn’t want to live with this girl for the whole year and always have that awkward tension. Even if Shea was accepting and not homophobic, it was a whole different thing to actually live with a lesbian.

She knew it wasn’t exactly fair to Shea, especially since she didn’t know her very well yet. Sasha definitely found her to be attractive, but it was more of a general appreciation. She could find girls attractive and not be attracted to them. She most definitely wasn’t going to go falling for some straight girl, and not just some straight girl, her roommate. So keeping this hidden from her wasn’t problematic. She tried to justify it in her mind but even she wasn’t buying it. She supposed she would just have to see how these first few weeks went and what kind of person Shea was before deciding if it was necessary to come out. Now she just needed to focus on the present which was getting her room together and getting to know the girl she would be sharing a room with for the next nine months.

#sashea #sasha velour #shea coulee #college au #cisgirl au #lesbian au #slowburn #group fic #misschimki #rpdr fanfiction #submission #so emotional by chimki

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torontohypnotherapist · 6 years ago

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AUGUST 24 — GEORGE GURDJIEFF QUOTES

DO GOOD IN MORNING, THEN ALL DAY GO WELL

Thursday, June 25, 1936

Dr. Bell is the first gravity guest. Since she has no idiot, Gurdjieff proposes her the toast: “May you do good all the mornings of your life,” and explains at length how if "do good in morning, then all day go well." This time there is apparent to me much more weight in every word of his. The real meaning is far from water-closet business. Everyone of us listened tensely, even Miss Gordon and Dr. Bell.

He tells Dr. Bell about a plate they used to have in old Asia called "Assiette de Shiva.” In Russian, Shiva is pronounced more like Khiva. “Assiette de Shiva” had all kinds of roasted mutton, every kind of beef, sometimes goat, but never pork. "Now doctor, you tell which you think is best, your “Assiette Anglaise” or this “Assiette de Shiva” I speak about?" Both Miss Gordon and Dr. Bell begin speaking of Shiva, Hindu Goddess of Destruction. “No, no,” says Gurdjieff, "not India Shiva. Is quite another thing, Shiva I speak of, is a country, near Bokhara, Lake Aral. Is country bigger than your England and is called Shiva, is many thousand years old. A very strong people. Twenty-five years Russia fight before can take. Is from here come this Assiette de Shiva...”

We have every kind of fruit drink after, with the fruits and candies.. Kvass, grape juices, etc. Gurdjieff also drinks each time he pours a tumbler for Dr. Bell and asks if still in England is the custom that host must drink with guests. Miss Gordon says that still they do it, but it’s not considered rude of the host not to drink.

GURDJIEFF: But old time host must drink to show not poisoned.

MISS GORDON: Oh, from that point of view, no, we don’t do that now in England.

GURDJIEFF: You know why? Because “civilized” — because life is so cheap now.

~ "Gurdjieff and the Women of the Rope" ...

EVERYTHING LIVING HAS AN ATMOSPHERE ROUND IT

“Everything living has an atmosphere round it. The difference lies only in its size. The larger the organism, the larger its atmosphere. In this respect every organism can be compared to a factory. A factory has an atmosphere round it composed of smoke, steam, waste materials and certain admixtures which evaporate in the process of production. The value of these component parts is quite different. In exactly the same way human atmosphere is composed of different elements. And as the atmosphere of different factories has a different smell, so has the atmosphere of different people. For a more sensitive nose, for instance, for a dog, it is impossible to confuse the atmosphere of one man with the atmosphere of another.

“I said that man is also a station for transforming substances. Part of the substances produced in the organism is used for the transformation of other matters, while another part goes into his atmosphere, that is, is lost. So here too, the same thing happens as in a factory.

Thus the organism works not only for itself but also for something else. Men of knowledge know how to retain these fine matters in themselves and accumulate them. Only a large accumulation of these fine matters enables a second, a lighter body, to be formed within man.

Ordinarily, however, matters composing the atmosphere, are constantly used up and replaced by mams inner work.

“Man’s atmosphere does not necessarily have the shape of a ball. It constantly changes its form. In times of strain or threat of danger it becomes stretched out in the direction of strain. Then the opposite side becomes thinner.

“The atmosphere takes up a certain space. Within the limits of this space, it is attracted by the organism, but beyond a certain limit, particles of the atmosphere become torn off and return no more.

“This can happen if the atmosphere is greatly stretched out in one direction. The same happens when a man moves. Particles of his atmosphere become torn off and are left behind, which produces a “trail” by which a man can be traced, say, by a dog.

“These particles may quickly mix with the air and dissolve, but they also may stay in place for a fairly long time.”

"Particles of atmosphere also settle on a man’s clothes, under-clothes and other things belonging to him, so that a kind of track remains between them and the man.

~ "Gurdjieff's Early Talks 1914-1931 - Essentuki" ...

EVERY SEEKER DREAMS OF A GUIDE WHO KNOWS

"Every seeker dreams of a guide who knows, dreams about him but seldom asks himself objectively and sincerely — is he worthy of being guided? Is he ready to follow the way? Go out one clear starlit night to some open space and look up at the sky, at those millions of worlds over your head. Remember that perhaps on each of them swarm billions of beings, similar to you or perhaps superior to you in their organization. Look at the Milky Way. The earth cannot even be called a grain of sand in this infinity. It dissolves and vanishes, and with it, you. Where are you? And is what you want simply madness?

"Before all these worlds ask yourself what are your aims and hopes, your intentions and means of fulfilling them, the demands that may be made upon you and your preparedness to meet them.

"A long and difficult journey is before you, you are preparing for a strange and unknown land. The way is infinitely long. You do not know if rest will be possible on the way nor where it will be possible. You should be prepared for the worst. Take all the necessities for the journey with you. Try to forget nothing, for afterwards it will be too late and there will be no time to go back for what has been forgotten, to rectify the mistake. Weigh up your strength. Is it sufficient for the whole journey? How soon can you start?

"Remember that if you spend longer on the way you will need to carry proportionately more supplies, and this will delay you further both on the way and in your preparations for it. Yet every minute is precious. Once having decided to go, there is no use wasting time."

~ George Gurdjieff "Views From the Real World" ...

YOU WILL ONLY BE FREE OF THIS BY GIVING YOURSELF A TASK

PA: When I try to do something in a disinterested way, in fact, it is never so. There is always a part of me that takes hold of it and profits from it; or I wish to be noticed for my seriousness, my goodness, and so on.

GURDJIEFF: It is the same for everyone. You will only be free of this by giving yourself a task. When you are relaxed, awake, serious, you must choose a task and decide to do it, no matter what. If you accomplish your task honestly, you will not have this feeling in you.

~ “G. I. GURDJIEFF — Paris Meetings 1943”

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