#before mommy checks they internet history

[yooniesim]

Not the antiblack, transphobic troll blog doing a classic dirty delete... Can't delete dumbassery love, that stays on the internet forever 😂

Dumbass already forgot the teen life stage exists, misgendered me in a random post showing both they ass cheeks, doubled down about it with a classic "he/she/it whatever they are", made fun of a black person's black sim's lips being "too big" while randomly hyping up a black sim made by a white simmer, posted 90% black sims making fun of their features while reblogging posts w/black celebrities like ice cube and Rihanna (probably the only black ppl they know) to add to their lil act, said "i don't only make fun of blacks" and blocked when confronted about it (soooo obvious), which was all pretty boring and expected and not worth acknowledging... but then they deleted all of that cos the big bad honest troll blog got no spine! which has me fucking rolling HELP 🤣

How ya gonna act like the voice of the ppl and delete all your bad takes? Didja get too many mean asks about them, baby boy? 🥺 can't stand by all ur meaningless dick swinging? feeling insecure about having no comeback skills on top of that? 🥺 every time someone bucks up at you you do a delete and stop acknowledging them and its so damn funny for someone pretending to be so hard and real. I mean I knew you were gonna mention me once you saw I said you have no skills, I was waiting to see what you'd come up with, but I didn't expect it to be this weak... imagine being a troll and taking obvious bait 🤭 just to confirm u got no talent. soooo sorry 😂

So much for "honesty" 😢

[unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin]

Please make this into a fic au idea. A world where couples take on a third partner that is basically a stay at home spouse as a show of their wealth or success. This would either be with Becky and Seth or Brandi and Cody and it could easily be a Yandere sort of thing

Take Care Of You

Summary: In a desperate attempt to pay off your crushing debt you sign up for a new program that matches you with wealthy couples looking for a third.

An: this idea has been in my head since wrestlemania this year, and I’m planing on it being a multi chapter fic. People said they wanted this with Cody and Brandi, but I’d be willing to do versions with other wrestling couples(Seth and Becky, miz and maryse, Mox and Renne, Brit and Adam, etc)

Warnings: Yandere, Yandere!Cody and Brandi, sort of sexism but only to reader, they treat readers like she’s meant to be a homemaker but don’t think women in general should be, classism, controlling behavior, money abuse, they’re daughter Liberty is a baby in this, fem!reader, power imbalance

Taglist: @melissahausen @writtingrose @peachmango-kombucha @xkennyxomegax @fiskers7136 @bellalutionn @tummyyellin @thesusbunny

“God damnit…” you mumbled as you pulled yet another bill out of your small mailbox slot. It seemed like every time you checked your mail all you found were these stupid red envelopes telling you you needed to pay for something else.

You made your way up the two flights of stairs to your tiny one bedroom apartment, leaning back against the door to shut it. Your feet hurt from your 12 hour shift at the restaurant, you were sticky from spilling shit on yourself all day, and you desperately wanted to collapse in your bed before you have to be up on 5 hours for a shift at your second job of a local coffee shop, but you needed to shower first.

You walked over to the table, tossing your purse onto the couch and planing on tossing the bills into the already large pile of them, but stopped when you noticed another envelope you hadn’t read down in the lobby. A part of you wanted to ignore it, if it was another bill you could at least act like you didn’t see it, but it looked slightly different than the normal things you got. The envelope was a cream color and had a logo you didn’t recognize on it. The main thing you noticed about it was that your address and name and everything was handwritten.

You set the other stuff down and opened the envelope. Inside was a hand written letter.

Dear, Y/n L/n

Thank you so much for your interest in our program. After careful consideration we are delighted to inform you that you have been accepted! Please call the following number to schedule a consultation to begin the next steps.

Sincerely, Coast Connection Agency

Coast connection agency? You stared at the letter for a moment before it clicked in your head what exactly you were looking at. Months ago, probably 6 months ago, you had gone searching on the internet for any way to earn some extra money and you found this website. It was a new program, only a few years old and was extremely selective, but its purpose was to connect well off couples with a third partner. From what you read it was a bit like a sugar daddy/mommy situation, but the couples were…rich rich. The website said up front that NDA’s would be signed and that the relationship would be, on some level, a business deal.

If you were smart, you would have ignored the website completely. It was one of those ‘to good to be true’ things, or something you sign up for and end up on the news because you went missing, but you had been so desperate. You had just lost one of your jobs, behind on bills, house completely barren of food, and nothing but an overdraft fee in your account, so you took the chance and signed up. There had been application after application, most of it asking you about your financial issues and job history, you even had to take a personality test, and apparently you had done okay because you had made the cut.

At the bottom on the letter was a phone number, and with the letter was a pamphlet of reviews from others who had done it. Most of the reviews were positive, talking about how it helped them get out of debt and completely changed their way of life. One even claimed it helped him find his ‘soul mates’ and that he was so happy with the couple he was matched with. You didn’t necessarily believe in soulmates, and even if you did you highly doubted that they could be found in a relationship like this. But you couldn’t argue with the results, people seemed to be happy with what they got from the agency, maybe this was the step for you to take. You decided to call tomorrow after your shifts and pinned the paper to your fridge before slugging off to shower and finally get some sleep.

***************

“…and we have one final question for you, Ms. L/n,” the woman on the other end of the phone told you. You’d been on the call for three hours now, answering what felt like a hundred questions. When you’d called a week ago they had said you’d need to block out a large chunk of time for the phone interview, but you hadn’t expected it to be this long. You also were slightly surprised by the questions. They were all about your preferences in the relationship if they found you a couple. They asked about spending habits, restaurants you liked, if your drank, clothes you liked, brands you enjoyed, past relationships, what you would do in certain situations, if you’d be open to sex in the relationship, and everything else under the sun. You weren’t sure what you had been expecting but this wasn’t it.

“Okay,” you waited a moment for her to ask her question.

“Would you be willing to relocate for the relationship?”

You didn’t answer immediately, and your eyes drifted outside. You lived in a relatively small town, in one of the only apartment complexes they had. It was about three hours from where you grew up, and you had moved here for an old ex. The only reason you stayed was because it was too expensive to move again, leaving you feeling trapped in this town.

“…yes.”

“Wonderful! I think we have enough information to create a profile for you, and we will match you with a couple as soon as we can. Results will be emailed to you, but we always warn that the couple must approve the match before it’s sent to you and we cannot guarantee that a match will be made, so you understand?”

”yeah. I’m mean, yes, I understand,” you nodded though she couldn’t actually see you.

“Perfect. You have a wonderful rest of your day ma’am.”

“You too,” you said before the phone disconnected.

*************

You couldn’t believe it. You got a match.

After your interview you didn’t hear from anyone for two months, and you started to worry that you made a mistake. Luckily, they hadn’t taken any super personal info so you wouldn’t be completely screwed, but after the interview questions they knew a hell of a lot about you, which is what worried you. But one morning you happened to check your email and found one from the company.

Congratulations! You have been matched with a couple! Attached to the email is a photo and some basic information. If you would like to continue with the process please email back immediately.

You quickly opened the attachment and were met with a photo of what had to be the most picture perfect couple. It was a man and a woman, both dressed formally (it looked like they were at some sort of dinner party.) The man had bleached blond hair and what looked like a tattoo on his neck, though his head was turned in just a way that you couldn’t quite see it. The woman looked like the pinnacle of beauty. Her hair and make up was perfect, and her eyes had a shine on them that made them look like pools of honey.

You weren’t really sure how long you stared at the photo, it was so mesmerizing. They were both very athletic looking, muscles evident on both making you think they must do something in the health industry. It was also evident that they had quite a bit of money. From the clothing to the accessories and the food on the table in front of them, it all screamed luxury. You hadn’t worked at a lot of fancy restaurants but the meal in front of them probably cost more than your paycheck.

Next, you moved onto the written information. There wasn’t a tone, just a few snippets of their life and what they wanted out of the relationship. They were from Atlanta Georgia and want someone willing to come live there. They had a daughter, but no info about her was there. They are looking for someone who would take on house hold responsibilities and have a sexual relationship with both of them. You’d never thought of yourself as a homemaker, and children never felt like something that was on the table for you, but you didn’t hate the idea. And honestly, the idea that these two very attractive people had chosen you was a bit of an ego booster. You were good enough to get their attention.

You read over everything one more time before deciding to go for it. You typed up an email and sent it before you could chicken out. You had said you were interested in moving forward and at least meeting the couple. At the very bottom of the email they sent you was the names of the couple. Brandi and Cody Rhodes.

*****************

Unknown: hello

You frowned down at the message as you walked out of your shift for the night. You’d closed so you hadn’t had a chance to check your phone for a while, the message was sent hours ago.

Um, hello? Who is this?

You were shocked when the person responded almost immediately.

Unknown: sorry, should have introduced myself. It’s Cody, from the website. We got the green light to reach out to you

You stared at the message, shocked for a moment. It was him, the cute guy from the email. He was texting you, right now. You were stood still on the sidewalk when three little dots popped up as he continued to type.

Unknown: this is y/n l/n, right?

oh! Yes, it is. Sorry I didn’t answer sooner, I just finished my shift

You panicked slightly at the fact that you hadn’t responded sooner. What if he thought you weren’t serious about what was happening? If he thought you were rude and didn’t want to talk to you any more? Rich people can be so hard to predict when it comes to what will or won’t offend them.

Unknown: oh, are you heading home? We could talk when you get back home, I don’t want to keep you out longer than you need to be.

You sent a last message saying it’d take not be about 10 minutes before booking it home. You didn’t have a car and your town didn’t really have public transportation, the best was a bus that stopped rides at 5pm, so that meant you were basically running back to your apartment. Once you got there you were quickly getting up to yours and pulling your phone out again to add the number as a contact.

You: Okay. Im Home

Cody: good to know you made it back safely.

Cody: I have my wife Brandi here too. We wanted to get a conversation started since you said you were interested

You’re nervous we’re going crazy as you read over the messages. It’s seemed so weird, you were talking to some rich couple you’d never met before but they wanted to pay for you to live. Not only that, but also have a relationship with you. You almost felt… dirty when you thought about it.

You: it’s nice to meet you both

Cody: we’d like to cut to the chase, we are looking to get into something slightly quickly. We don’t want to rush you at all but we’d like to meet as soon as possible

You hesitated at his message. Should that be a red flag? They want to meet even though this is the first time you’ve ever spoken.

Cody: We’d be willing to pay for you to come out to Atlanta to meet. We’d pay for everything like the flight, hotel, food, even whatever you’d be missing out on from work.

You: I don’t want to seem rude or anything, but this is the first time we’ve ever spoken

When he didn’t respond immediately your heart sank. You shouldn’t have said that, god, why were you so stupid?

Cody: we understand your hesitation, we’ve just have been looking for a while

Cody: would you like to FaceTime? Then you could at least see that we’re who we say we are

You: um, sure. Just a warning, I’m a mess. I just got off shift.

Only seconds later the call for the video chat popped up on your phone. You took a second to take a deep breath and then pushed accept.

The man from the original photo you’d been set popped up on the screen. He was sat back on a couch wearing a sweats and a teeshirt, and next to him was the woman who was dressed similarly. After a second both smiled at you.

“Hi,” Cody greeted.

“Hi…” you gave a nervous wave which you immediately regretted. God, why were you being so awkward?

“You look pretty good for just getting off a shift.” You blushed slightly at his words and watched as his wife smacked him gently.

“Ignore him, he’s a flirt,” Brandi told you. “He doesn’t think about the fact that this may be awkward for you.”

You laughed slightly nervously but gave a little smile. The rest of the conversation got a little less awkward as you got to know each other. Most of the conversation was about you, them asking what you did full time and what you spent your free time doing. They were…nice, and they clearly loved each other in the way that they interacted.

“So, we’d really like to meet you in person.” Brandi finally said. “Like Cody told you we can pay for your whole trip and we can start to get to know each other better.”

“I don’t know, I don’t want to take your money if we don’t even know if it’s gonna work.” You admitted.

“It’s really not that much to pay for a trip, and it would be no strings attached. You could decide to not do anything and we won’t be angry.” Cody assured you. “We just think it would be important for us to talk in person. We travel for work but will be home for the week next week, we’d like to do it then.”

You bit your lip as you thought about the offer. You felt a little guilty about taking money, but a part of you loved the idea of being able to take a week of work and go on a trip without being worried about bills.

“Um… okay.”

Both of them smiled at your answer. “Perfect. We’ll get everything lined up and payed for!” Brandi excitedly said. “Do you have any preferences on what hotel you stay in or what airline you take?”

You shook your head. “It’s your money, it’s up to you.”

“Okay, we can talk about it more tomorrow, I assume you’re tired after your shift.”

You all said goodbye before hanging up and getting ready to go to sleep. As you brushed your teeth you realized that you felt slightly giddy after the conversation. It was like a school girl crush, they were nice and you felt good talking to them.

As you got into bed your phone pinned and you reached over to check it. It showed a notification from PayPal, someone had sent you $200 and you had a message from Cody.

Cody: enjoy a day off sometime

[moxfirefly]

Heyo! I hope you're doing well! For the new NSFW asks, how about 39: "do you have a mommy kink", "no", "do you want one?" with leonardo, I've been waiting for a mommy kink with leonardo so I figured now would be a good time to ask lol 😂

Y’all heathens have to reignite my “Leo Has A Mommy Kink” debate.

So yes of course I can.

Rated Explicit (18+ only)

There are several aspects about Leo’s life that he quite enjoys keeping private.

You don’t earn the nickname Honor Boy without exactly living up to it. So naturally he doesn’t go about voicing things that needn’t concern his chatty brothers and their abilities for dumb nicknames.

It just doesn’t concern them that he’s, well he’s not the purest of the bunch. So what he likes to blow off steam and said steam requires particular things for it to be blown off. Nobody needs to know how much he’s read up on rope play and shibari (it’s artistic he swears) and nobody needs to know that his own internet history searches could rival that of Donnie.

And nobody needs to know that he may have a slight, tiny, minuscule, itty bitty mommy kink.

He feels his neck already all hot and sweaty when it comes to you, so it was quite uncalled for (in his mind) for you to talk kinks with him one late night in his room. Because contrary to Donnie who isn’t ashamed of his likes, Leo is still working through that. He doesn’t know how exactly to voice it, he isn’t stoked about sitting down with Donnie (who would be the most understanding) because he’s a little repressed to this day.

But you’re much more open, shameless and so nonchalant about it. He quite envies it to be honest, how you can laugh and giggle your way through a list you found online and have been reading to him about kinks.

And yes Leo’s laughed too, some of them sound so bizarre and not in the least bit appealing.

And yes he’s tried not to look too shameful about knowing some that you’ve never heard of.

“People really make a kink for anything, I bet there’s somebody right now inventing a new one” You scrolled on your phone, grinning when you landed on one in particular you knew all too well. You sat up a little straighter on Leo’s bed and cleared your throat.

“Daddy kink? Does is spark joy or not?” You gave your best game show voice and Leo shook his head with a chuckle. “I dunno, not really, there’s better authoritative names” He clears his throat, trying not to allude too much to what would end him if a girl ever said it to him.

“I suppose you’re on to something there, I’m either or, maybe in the heat of the moment who knows” You do notice that some of these have probably hit home for him, he had been a little more talkative before but as the list progressed, the more shy he got.

Something about that makes you so astonishingly delighted.

“Once a guy called me Mommy and I have to say, awakened something in me” You studied his reaction, Leo swallowed and did not in anyways let his eye stray towards you.

Oh boy.

“Do you have a mommy kink?” You flat out asked him, grinning. Leo kept his eyes anywhere but on you.

“No” With just a little more conviction he could’ve made it believable the poor soul.

“Do you want one?” You ask him with every seductive incentive that only serves for Leo to swallow.

You sit up on your knees and rest your hands on his shoulders, Leo can’t really stay with his eyes glued to one of his bonsais forever, so he caves.

Oh god does he cave.

“What’s wrong sweet boy?” You coo at him, hands running up his hot neck and resting on his cheeks. “Is my precious little boy embarrassed?” You caress his cheek, even going so far as to adjust his mask and Leo feels like he’s going to scream because blood rushing to places it shouldn’t right now.

“It’s ok, mommy’s goodest boy doesn’t have to be embarrassed about anything, yeah?” And you have to bite your lip from smiling so much when Leo honest to god shakes his head at your inquiry. You thumb his bottom lip and lean in close enough to feel his warm breath. “Have you been good? Have you been the most good boy for me?” You watch his tongue dart out to lick his dry lips as he nods.

The surge of power that shoots through your veins, it was definitely something you us become a fan of. But Leo’s reaction had been way more entertaining than that of your old flame. Your eyes landed on his lap, clearly this had pulled a very interesting reaction out of him. “Tsk tsk, did I say you could get excited?” You chastised him, tapping his lips with your finger.

How the night shifted to this was beyond Leo, he was lost in the mood, in the heat behind your words and there was no way he could stop his cock from filling up due to it. A part of him wanted to be embarrassed, he considers himself such a strong willed person, not easily cracked but yet here you were making putty out of him with such sweet words. You leaned in, voice a whisper. “Are you okay with this? Want me to stop?” You wanted to check in after all, but you would not continue if this was overstepping any boundaries with him.

Leo took a shuddering breath.

“No...mommy”

You bit the inside of your cheek, that shouldn’t have made you so hot. With a soft fingertip to the middle of his plastron, you followed a path downwards toward his already tenting shorts. You heard him gulp and once your hand was inside you gripped him with every intention of making squirm.

And messy.

Because Leo has to appreciate some messes.

“You’re such a good boy, my good blue boy” You jerked his cock slowly, each pump deliberate with the goal of hearing him struggle to autores a noise. A strong hand found your thigh and gripped it, several choked moans and whines escaping him. Pressing your lips to his cheek you hushed him, you kissed the spot just as you began to speed up your movements. Leo’s hips wanted to buck up into your tight grip, he felt your lips travel towards his ear and a smug tone that only served to make his cock leak. “Who has a mommy kink after all?” Oh he would’ve crawled into a hole and the way you giggled only made the situation worse.

He felt himself cum without warning, which only made the situation even more amusing for you, some of it shot up towards your shirt as you kept pumping. Leo didn’t even know if he could muffle his sounds more by. “Messy messy, you ruined mommy’s shirt” You grinned, still lazily stroking him as he slumped back against the pillows. His soft blue eyes found yours, if he could turn red he would’ve been by, you leaned down and kissed him.

As you pulled away, Leo gently reached for your stained hand and brought it towards his lips.

“May I clean my mess up...mommy?”

You bit down on your bottom lip and nodded.

Oh this would be such a fun new thing for the two of you and even as Leo (embarrassed to high end but still greatly enjoying himself) licked your fingers and palm of his own cum, he knew as well that maybe sharing his likes wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[myhauntedsalem]

19 Parents Share The Creepiest Things Their Kids Have Ever Said

Kids say the darnedest things, but they also come out with ridiculously creepy things as well. When Reddit asked ‘what is the creepiest thing your child has ever said?’ Parents of the internet came forward with their stories and boy, they didn’t disappoint.

Here are nineteen of the most disturbing, chill inducing stories shared.  All we ask is for you to try and suppress the urge to lock your children in a cupboard after reading these.

1. “Daddy Its A Monster… We Should Bury It.”

My 3 year old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for awhile then turned and looked at me and said, “Daddy its a monster… we should bury it.”

2. “The Man Who Crawls On The Floor And Stands By My Bed.”

My co-worker’s four year old daughter always thought that the rattling of the water pipes in the kitchen cupboards were “white wolves” and the sound always scared her. One day she was sitting at the kitchen table and she said, “Mom. The white wolves aren’t bad… they’re our friends!”

Her mom encouraged the idea by saying, “Yes! The white wolves are protecting us. They are our friends.” Then her daughter added in, “They’re our friends, but not the man who crawls on the floor and stands by my bed”.

3. “Good Bye Dad.”

I was tucking in my two year old. He said “Good bye dad.” I said, “No, we say good night.” He said “I know. But this time its good bye.”

Had to check on him a few times to make sure he was still there.

4. “It’s The Closest I Can Get To Seeing Her Dead.”

He’s not my kid, but my godson is extremely creepy. He likes to stand in his little sister’s doorway while she naps and watches her sleep. I ask him why and he says, “it’s the closest I can get to seeing her dead.” He also likes to shove her fist in his mouth as far as it can go because he wants to “know what suffocating is like, just in case.” I’m pretty sure he’d be a serial killer if it wasn’t for Mario Kart.

5. “The Man With The Snake Neck.”

While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, “the man.” To which I replied, “what man?” She then pointed at the closet and said, “the man with the snake neck.” I turn around and nothing was there.

I’m afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet. At least she wasn’t scared.

6. You Will Die Soon

Not to me, but to his grandmother.

He was cuddling with her and being very sweet (he was about 3 at the time). He takes her face in his hands, and brings his face close to hers, then tells her that she’s very old, and will die soon.

Then he makes a point of looking at the clock.

7. “I Want To Peel All Your Skin Off.”

I was sound asleep, and at around 6am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughters face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, “I want to peel all your skin off”.

The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep addled state however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn’t know if I was dreaming, or what was going on.

8. “When You Die, I’m Going To Eat You.”

My sons were about 2 and 4 when their pet goldfish died. I attempted to use the situation as an opportunity to discuss death and mortality. After I finished my explanation, my four year looked up at me with his big, blue eyes and asked, “Mommy, someday, will you die?” My heart filled with love and a little sadness, knowing this was one of those pivotal moments when the first bit of childhood innocence was lost,and I told him yes, someday, mommy will die.

“Good,” he said with a totally deadpan expression, and walked out of the room.

Later when we were about to flush the fish, he asked if we could eat him instead. I said no, we don’t eat pets because we love them, and he said, “When you die, I’m going to eat you.”

9. “Carson Is Gone, I Am Rick.”

When my son was little he, maybe 3, he used to do this weird crawl where he would slide his forehead along the floor. That was pretty creepy in itself. Then one night he crawled across the hallway into my room like that and stood up a few inches from my face and made a weird meow sound. He got into bed with me and went to sleep.

Another time he was freaking out about a monster in the basement so we went down and saw nothing, of course, and as I turned out the light and headed upstairs and he said “Hes right behind us now.” I might have peed a little.

Possibly the creepiest thing he did was one day I scolded him for misbehaving so he hid his head under his blanket. I pretended I couldn’t find him by saying “Where is my little Carson?” He slowly lowered the blanket and with a dead evil stare said, “Carson is gone, I am Rick.” I’m certain he’s possessed. We never knew any Ricks, as far I can remember. Still don’t. Never figured out where he picked up the name.

10. “I Died And Now I’m Here.”

Getting my two and a half year old daughter out of the bath one night, my wife and I were briefing her on how important it was she kept her privates clean. She casually replied “Oh, nobody ‘scroofs’ me there. They tried one night. They kicked the door in and tried but I fought back. I died and now I’m here.” She said this like it was nothing.

My wife and I were catatonic.

11. Baby Brother

“So I shouldn’t throw him in the fire?”

3 year old daughter holding her baby brother for the first time.

12. The Pretty Girl At The Cottage

My 3 year old nephew was at my cottage. He’s asked me numerous times about the “girl over there” while pointing at one of the back bedrooms. The place is small, and there is definitely nobody there so I just dismiss it as a really active imagination (he has lots of imaginary friends).

Then some friends are visiting and they have a daughter around the same age. She has never met my nephew. Twice in the one day she asked about the “pretty girl” while pointing at the exact same room. Definitely caught me out and I didn’t know what to think.

Then at Christmas my family was over at my place and my nephew points at a picture of my wife and asks if she is coming to visit us here or does she just stay at the cottage. My wife died ten years ago. Personally I don’t really believe in paranormal stuff so it’s probably just my logical brain putting together a bunch of kids ramblings but it definitely got my attention.

13. “He’s Behind You Now.”

“Go back to sleep, there isn’t anything under your bed”.

“He’s behind you now”.

Still haven’t gotten over that one and shiver at the memory.

14. “He’s Coming For You. You Better Hide.”

While not something my own child has said, my younger cousin (around 5 at the time) once drew a picture of a a black monster, looked up at me, and said “He told me to draw this. He’s coming for you. You better hide.”

15. “You Will Put Me Down, Down, Down In The Hole.”

I have a three year old who says some pretty strange stuff….

Last night: “Mommy.. the man, the very big man with big yellow eyes is looking at you.”

I look.. nothing. I tell him there is no man and he is make-believe. My son laughs, “Oh he is hiding now.” — 2 minutes later, “Oh no Mommy, you made him very mad. Now he says he will come when you are sleeping.”

Few weeks ago he tells me, “I’m not going to be four. I’m going to die. And you will put me down, down, down in the hole.” I tell him that isn’t true, and who told him that. He gets quiet and goes, “The man told me. But I will be scared, so after three night-nights you die too and come with me.”

Sheesh. As if I didn’t have bad dreams already.

16. “Daddy, I Love You So Much That I Want To Cut Your Head Off.”

A friend of mine’s child told him “Daddy, I love you so much that I want to cut your head off and carry it around so I can see your face whenever I want.”

17. The Bad Man

Why are you crying?

“Bad man”

What bad man?

“There.” Points behind me at a dark corner of the room

Lamp on bookshelf next to said darkened corner falls off as soon as I turn to look.

She slept in our bed that night

18. Ham Can’t Scream

When I was a waitress, I watched a little girl (4ish) stab her plastic fork into her sandwich repeatedly, saying “die die die die die die”. When I asked her what she was doing (her mom was in the bathroom for a minute), she replied with a straight face, “I like to kill things, but mom says I shouldn’t. So I picked the ham because it can’t scream.”

19. Satan Wants To Meet You

A few months ago I asked me brother and his wife if their kids ever did any creepy. They both immediately looked at each other and seemed surprised that I had asked.

Apparently the last few couple of weeks they would hear my niece talking to herself in her bedroom. They assumed it was just her playful imagination so they didn’t give it much thought. One day however my brother asked her who she kept talking to, she said it was her new best friend Satan who visits her at her window every day. Her window is close to the ground so they were seriously concerned that there was someone actually going up to her window and kept a closer eye on her for the next few days.

Every single time they would hear her talking he would go outside to her windows but never found anyone. They began asking her more about his new friend and apart from his name being Satan she mentioned that he follows her everywhere she goes and that he promised her he will bring her a cake one day.

At a late cookout at my parents a week before they mentioned that, she took her mom outside to the backyard and pointed at the pitch black backyard and told her that her friend Satan was there and he wanted to meet her also. That made chills run down my spine since I was at that cookout also. After that they made her promise she wouldn’t talk to Satan anymore.

[marias-in-pyjamas]

Eclipse: Chapter 1.1

See more from the masterlist.

Pairings:

Commanding Agent Adam du Mortain x Detective Eliana Langford x Specialist Agent Mason ; Agent Nate Sewell x Detective Ellara Kingston

Content Rating - Warnings: G - none

At Detective Kingston’s Apartment 

Ellara groans as she felt her face slowly getting wet because of the thing that is excitedly licking it. Albeit reluctant, she opened her eyes only to be greeted by the sight of her dog's nose. 

"Woof." The dog barks, making her let out yet another groan before she wraps her arms around the small of its body. Stirring from her position, she saw the clock and realized what day it was. 

14 Jan ’19 – 05:00

It's so early omg. 

But it's not like she could complain. And she is feeling pretty excited about today too. Who wouldn't, when it's the first day that you are officially your town's detective? Ellara chuckles to herself, scrambling to stand on her feet. 

She stood in front of her bedroom mirror, carrying Sol with her. She stares at herself, and oh does she look like a disaster. But it doesn't matter. She can do a lot to fix it. 

And so with Sol still perched on her arms, she walked to the kitchen starting her morning rituals with breakfast for the both of them as usual. 

Everything feels like the usual except from the rapid beating of her heart inside her chest. She doesn't even know if it's excitement, or just her nerves trying to make her reconsider all of this. Well she wouldn't, would she? She dismisses the thought by shaking her head. She proceeds to continue eating as she happily watches her dog eat with the same enthusiasm. 

A few spoonfuls and minutes later, she found herself cleaning after their mess. It was quick, as she only ever need to wash a single breakfast set. Maybe I should sleep more. 

"Woof!" Sol calls out wagging his tail and getting his owner's attention 

The woman's eyes immediately went to him and she gave him a very fond smile. A smile that is a lot more genuine than a lot of her others. She crouches down and pets the pupper, "Wanna go for a walk? What do you say, boy?" 

"Woof, woof!" 

And that was all it took for her to understand the answer.

After the walk

07:15

"I hope the walk was enough for you, baby." Ellara smiles as she detaches the leash from Sol's collar, letting him run free around the apartment again. 

Thankfully, the weather isn't hot, and the walk wasn't that much of a bother. Getting ready for work before walking Sol is probably the best decision she ever made this week. Especially with Tina's message. 

Ugh, a murder? As my first case? 

Her smile turned into a frown just thinking about it. Wayhaven is a quiet town. And it's the first murder in town ever since she was born. It shouldn't even bother her, but it does anyway. Ellara values all of her firsts, so it's only natural that she's reading too much into this. 

Her thought was cut off just as she heard a motorcycle engine start up loudly. And, when did someone own a motorcycle in this street before? 

Curious, she quickly pulled her blinds open. Peeking on her window, she saw a figure sitting on a big motorcycle. The person has their back facing her, and with a black helmet on she can't even catch a glimpse of what they look like. The motorcycle zooms away. 

It must be her new neighbor. She saw a car parked in front of the apartment yesterday. Unfortunately, she weren't able to meet her new neighbor yet. Oh well, maybe she'll knock later at night just to make sure they're settling in. With a shrug, she closed her blinds once again. 

07:30

She looks around her apartment making sure that everything is in order before she grabs a box of dog food from her kitchen. She puts plenty of it on the pet feeder she had managed to assemble. At least now, she won't feel too worried for her dog during work hours. 

The dog catches up to her, and follows her closely behind until she stepped outside the door. Sol sits on the floor inside the apartment at a close distance. She crouches on the floor to level with him and smiles. 

"Bye, boy. Be good okay? Mommy will be home before you even know it," she says, giving Sol one last kiss before she stood, locked the door, and finally left for work.

At Detective Langford’s Apartment

14 Jan ’19 – 04:15

Eliana had been staring at the ceiling for almost an hour now, her racing thoughts still not calming down. She was woken up by a nightmare earlier, but considering her line of work, it’s not really much of a surprise to her anymore. The things she’d seen in the city marked her, haunted her. But it also made her stronger, fiercer. Things normal people would easily succumb into and feel squeamish about. But still, she persevered. She continued working hard. She continued doing her job well. She continued pushing forward towards her goal – to be the youngest police captain in the history of Metropolis Police Department. And for a while, it seemed like the universe was finally on her side. Her career was advancing according to the time line she had planned for herself. But of course, as it always does, something eventually happens to prove her how wrong she is to think that the universe is on anyone’s side. Just as she was finally getting the hang of being a detective, she was reassigned out of nowhere into some backwater town: Wayhaven. A wrench in her carefully-crafted plan. A wrench in her career.

So that’s how Eliana had found herself staring at the ceiling of her new apartment in Wayhaven, wondering if she was maybe cursed from something she did from her past life. Luna – her pet puppy – was snoring beside her. Her furry companion’s head resting on the crook of her arm. Careful not to jostle her too much, Eliana turned her head towards the clock in her bedside table to look at the time. Knowing that she will not be able to sleep again anytime soon, she fully turned her body towards Luna and cuddled the puppy closer to her chest. Counting down from five to calm her nerves, she inhaled the familiar scent of the puppy and planted a soft kiss in her forehead. Luna turned sleepily towards her and licked Eliana’s nose as a response before going back to sleep again. Chuckling softly, she gently extricated herself from Luna and scratched her ears before sitting up on the side of the bed.

Going to work early is not exactly new for Eliana. So with that in mind, she pushed herself off of the bed and started her morning routine. She changed from wearing her night clothes to her sportswear before she started stretching her limbs to prepare herself for a little rigorous exercise. After a few minutes of exercising, she proceeded to place some dog food on Luna’s bowl, causing the energetic puppy to clamber off of the bed in a hurry to get to her food.

Eliana went to her kitchen to make herself some much needed coffee. Whenever asked, she always say that she prefers her coffee as dark and black as her soul. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish, she sat on the bar stool in the kitchen island and searched the internet for the directions of the police station. Bookmarking it, she prepared all the stuff she needs for work and finished drinking her coffee, which actually counts as her breakfast.

After Luna finished her breakfast, Eliana spent a few more minutes spoiling the little girl with pets before fetching the puppy’s collar and leash. With a smile on her face that only her furry companion ever witnesses, she turned toward Luna and asked, “Who wants to go for a walk?”

“Bork, bork!” Luna exclaimed while wagging her tail enthusiastically, already running towards her human.

God, she loves that puppy, even if she’s not really on good terms with the one who gave Luna to her. Fastening Luna’s leash on, the pair of them went outside to do their usual morning run, but in a different area and surroundings now.

05:30

After an hour of running, Eliana decided to walk around the neighborhood with Luna, just to acquaint herself more with her current residence. The stares of the townspeople as she and her puppy passed was something she expected. After all, she knows that it’s not usual for people to see someone from the city transferring here as she herself is not even sure why she was transferred here. But what else can I do right now except to suck it up?

Taking the other way around towards home, Eliana and Luna walked together at a leisurely pace, knowing that there’s still a long time before she needs to prepare for work.

After the walk

07:00

After arriving home, Eliana rested for a little while before finally taking a shower. Enjoying the hot shower for a few minutes, she turned it off to get dressed and get ready.

Having finally finished dressing-up for work, Eliana stared at herself on her full-body mirror. Her hazel eyes stared back at her, the only memory of her late father that she remembers. Her lean form is hidden beneath her black button-down shirt that was tucked in a tight-fitting black jeans, with her police badge holder clipped on the side of her belt. A simple gold necklace is sitting prettily on the base of her throat partnered by stud earrings of the same color, three on her right ear and two on the left. The black combat boots she’s wearing gives her an extra two inches on her height, but even without the boots, she’s already taller than some of the detectives in the city. A black leather jacket completes her whole look, helping her fight off the chill when she’s riding her motorcycle. She’s about to turn away from the mirror – seemingly satisfied by what she saw – when her eyes zoomed in on the roots of her hair. The light brown color is reappearing again, a reminder that no matter what color of hair dye she chooses and uses – underneath it all and despite everything that has happened – she’s still her mother’s daughter and having that same hair color of hers is an evidence of that.

Making a mental note to buy more hair dye in the town square, she went outside her room and secured Luna’s playpen. She double-checked that the automatic food and water dispenser is working then kissed Luna goodbye. She shouldered her bag and her black helmet and turned to leave.

Not really knowing what to expect (although she thinks that she’ll most likely be bored to death on her first day as a detective in Wayhaven), she took a deep breath and went outside her apartment, locking it behind her.

Eliana went to the parking space where she left her motorcycle. Securing her helmet on and starting the engine, she decided to first try out the coffee shop she saw near the police station as she still has plenty of time to spare. Maybe she’ll stakeout outside the station for a few minutes, just to see how busy and active it could really be, this early in the morning.

Making up her mind, Eliana drove away from the apartment block’s parking space, the roar of the engine of her motorcycle heard by the detective living next door to her’s.

[imogenlefay]

oooh, a ship game! tagged by @perfectromanceinmymind​ who i just started adoring more for reading Imzadi. ok, let’s get into this!

rules: Movie/TV ship questions; answer with a GIF; no repeats

1. First ship - Janeway and Chakotay (Star Trek: Voyager)

yeah, I KNOW. since i started my rewatch i’ve been complaining about how boring chakotay is and how captain mom - i mean mommy - i mean janeway deserves someone way more interesting. hell, i’m pretty sure i’ll be shipping Q with her over chakotay. and just see waht will happen when seven of nine shows up. ...but yeah. sue me. it’s THERE. it’s obvious. it’s just also very, very boring. 

2. First OTP - Lily and James (Harry Potter)

so, i know, tons of issues with harry potter. but that was a fandom i was super invested in. ctually, not sure that’s the right way to put it. i was super invested into the books, waxed and waned a bit... and the funny thing is, i didn’t care about the whole harry-ron-hermione-ginny thing until i started reading fandom things and was totes fine with whatever was happening (actually kinda rooting for ginny since book 2). didn’t really care about these ships. but lily and james? from first finding out about the marauders, i was on board of that ship. also, snape was a creep and a horrible person, and a nice guy, and that was not romantic

3. Favourite current ship - Sebastian and Blaine (Glee)

do i have to say it? seblaine from glee. these two have barley 15 minutes of screentime, but the chemistry is just there. i still think they were set up to be at least a midgame ship that fell through when grant gustin was busy with the flash, which given the writing on glee and the insistance on klaine as an endgame might have actually been for the better, but there’s just something about them. if blaine’s in the room, sebastian’s eyes are on him. when sebastian shows up, blaine’s mood lifts. Just so much potential, wasted again - but that’s the glee thing. 

4. Shipped from the first minute - Dean and Castiel (Supernatural)

sooooo, i won’t say they’re canon, but they’re half-canon and broke the internet. now, keep in mind, i stopped watching supernatural around season 8? the one in which metatron showed up, idk. it got so boring how every season another main character was the bad guy, the winchesters got more toxic, and of course, the treatment of cas. so i’ve seen from gift that got super toxic. but come on. i’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition. best entrance ever, electric chemistry, gradually growing connection... i’m ignoring most of supernatural canon, but that was magic. 

5. Wish they had been endgame - Barney and Nora (How I Met Your Mother)

my shipping history with himym is... spotty. i liked ted/robin, was fine with them breaking up, and reaaaally got into barney/robin. until they got together, were awful and broke up. sure, i blamed the writing, but that short stint killed my enthusiasm. enter nora. sweet, smart, confident nora who is not ashamed to admit she’s a romantic and clearly state what she wants, who calls barney on his bs and won’t let him walk all over her. and also, the first woman barney actually wanted to be in a relationship with. even with robin, lily had to bully them into it. i thought she was really good for him, and he was at his best with her. hated how she was pushed aside to bring back more barney/robin drama (who srsly brought out the worst in each other) still my headcanon that he runs into her again when he’s more mature, caring for his daughter. but alas, has to remain a headcanon. (also, it’s a pic cause i literally can’t even find a gif)

6. Wish they had been canon - Bashir/Garak (Star Trek: DS9)

sorry, not sorry. the dynamic between is amazing - the brilliant but naive new doctor, excited like a freaking puppy, meeting the mysterious spy pretending to be a tailor while trying to move away from his past. there is SO much chemistry, fascination, intrigue between them, even if they aare so fundamentally different. just... damn. except at some point midway they stopped giving them scenes. were they afraid of the chemistry? idk but i’ll spread the rumor. because we were cheated. 

7. Ship everyone else hates - Ted and Robin (How I Met Your Mother)

i get it. the writing had issues. writing an endgame ahead of time can backfire. ted backtracking to robin again and again gets really annoying. the mother was seriously amazing and i still can’t believe they pulled her off so well after all the buildup. and the pacing of wasting a whole season on a wedding for a couple that gets divorced within like five minutes is awful. i know all that. but i honestly think they work. their first relationship was seriously sweet - nothing like the trainwreck between barney and robin - and for them to come together when the timing is right, they both grew and matured, and are in the right places in their lives... idk, they work for me. 

8. Don’t even watch the show but still ship - Rory and Jess (Gilmore Girls)

i literally only know gifsets of them. they look cute. 

9. Wish they had a different storyline - House and Cameron (House MD)

i seriously shipped them so much in season 1. their date was sweet, especially how before wilson told her to please not break house’s heart. but after the date, they just threw it out. i had some hope again when she left his team and returned as head of the ER, just cause i thought it changed the power dynamic and maybe they had a shot. that’s what i would have liked to see. that they work together occasionally, and he starts seeing her more as an equal and maybe build something from there. would probably been way healthier than the toxic crap with cuddy. 

10. Actually endgame - Emma and Hook (Once Upon A Time)

oh hi, jennifer morrison, haven’t seen you in a bit. so, i also stopped watching once upon a time, as the stories got too wild and i never got into regina’s big redemption, which consisted of *checks notes* deciding she’s redeemed now and screw anyone who disagrees. but i did love captain swan. did not see that coming. like, sure, hook flirts from their first interaction, but i was against them, given how antagonistic they were. but come season 3 and neverland, and their kiss? and damn. they took chemistry, and actually built something from it, and this time, it freaking worked. which is rare. so yes, so many issues with the show, but these two? ready to set sail, captain! 

tagging @blainesebastian​, @seblaineaddict​, @glitzgustin​, @ejaycaswell​ and @liloandsoon​, as well as anyone else who wants to take a spin at this

[motherlifesucher-archives]

somebody else l Shawn Mendes imagine.

(a/n): this might become into a series, but I'm not sure. I hope you like it. AND I finished watching Big Little Lies season 2 and I was thinking about doing an AU where Shawn and his wife are like, part of the series’ dynamic? like a rich couple with young kids and stuff? let me know!

summary: Shawn is a newly divorced father, but his ex-wife, Camila, is still haunting him, even if he loves you.

You remember taking powerful and decided strides when you first saw him, holding a glass of white wine on his right hand as he laughed with three other men. 

You didn’t actually mean to see him or be amazed by the way his tall frame stood in the crowd. No, you were just attending your company’s annual Christmas event. 

You were one of the non-visible faces on the music industry, but were incredibly okay with it; staying away from the spotlight while making a lot of money wasn’t that bad. Musicians didn’t usually go to the Business Strategy & Operations department of their label, just as you usually didn’t go to the floors where songs were being created. 

You were lucky enough to never be around New York City by the time these events were held, always making up excuses to not be around the busy city and paparazzi stalking the hottest names in the business. But, somehow, you ended up in the wrong place at the right time, when he caught your eye.

You knew he was fresh out of a divorce, the news being the headline of every magazine and newspaper for a good month, with people wondering what had happened between Hollywood’s sweethearts. Still, one night after going out with mutual friends you agreed on a date.

He ended up being exactly what you didn’t want him to be, because from that moment on, it was impossible to not fall for him.

He explained everything that happened between him and his now ex-wife, from the fights to the hard realization that they had fallen out of love and only desire, plus their three-year-old daughter was keeping their marriage alive and forcing them to star together. So, Camila, the ex-wife, found somebody new and Shawn was doing the same, with you. 

The first few months were quiet, keeping the romance under wraps like it was the most precious thing. People that knew what was going on could be counted with a few fingers and they didn’t want anything to change, until that Friday afternoon they decided to pick up their food instead of ordering in, and a sneaky person took a picture, creating chaos. 

From that moment on, there was no doubt that Shawn was dating someone, but the question was who was the mystery woman holding his hand and laughing in the, apparently, empty street at one in morning? It didn’t take long for media outlets to realize that it was you, some research analyst for Universal Music, that most artists and people around the music business knew your name, but didn’t necessarily recognize your face. 

That day, when the news got out, people around the globe recognized you as Shawn Mendes’ new girlfriend. 

Suddenly, the followers count started rising. Photos that you didn’t even remember taking, from university or even high school, started roaming the internet. 

Shawn reassured you, said that there was nothing to worry about, that he wouldn’t talk about it in public and that he’d try for his management team to keep the paparazzi following you at the minimum.

You were advised by Universal Music to keep your accounts private. You were even called by Human Resources to sign a “love contract” since Shawn was a Universal client and there could be legal trouble, which was incredibly weird and on the verge of humiliating. 

Still, Shawn and you kept going strong. Four months, to be exact, until Shawn decided it was time for you to meet his daughter, Luana Mendes-Cabello, but like any decent mother, Camila wanted get to meet you first before introducing a new figure on her daughter’s life, just like Shawn had done with Camila’s new boyfriend. 

It wasn’t the gorgeous, pop princess status that scared you at all. You knew you were just as beautiful and talented, you just were a rockstar in silence and without the entire world knowing. 

On the other hand, the ex-wife status was pretty terrifying. 

You didn’t have a hard time accepting and realizing that Shawn was the real deal; his smile and way of seeing life was fulfilling and made you feel loved and safe, which was something you had been looking for you entire life. but, no matter how confident you were in yourself, their history was intimidating to your short and relatively new relationship.

That seemed to go away when you saw her walk inside the casual brunch spot Shawn had chosen. She wasn’t wearing any make-up, but still looked good in jeans, a hoodie and a Louis Vuitton bag decorating her forearm. 

She greeted Shawn first with a small hug, before giving you a smile and repeating the short hug, even if it was kind of awkward, something that Shawn picked up and subtly placed his hand on the small of your back before sitting again. 

“It’s so nice to meet you, (Y/N). A friend told me your strategies for promoting new artists’ are the best in the business!” Camila placed her Prada sunglasses on the table before smiling at you. 

“Oh, that’s very nice. I mean, I try to do the best I can, you know the business... Sometimes artists get a shitty business strategy and get dropped by the label.” You said before quickly scolding yourself, maybe saying bad words wasn’t the best choice for a woman that was testing you to be around her daughter. 

“I completely understand that, there should be more people like you around the block, I think I'll take your business card just in case.” She said before ordering a vanilla latte. 

“You saw that new merch tactic I've been using on my instagram? All her idea.” Shawn added, making you blush. 

“Wow, maybe I'll be making a move on you and take you to Epic Records.”

You smiled nervously, “He’s giving me way more credit than I deserve.”

“Trust me, he’s not.” Camila smiled before thanking the waiter for her coffee. “Well, I think you know that I asked Shawn to do this and I completely understand if it is a bit awkward, but I hope you also can see where I'm coming from, because letting a stranger on my daughter’s life is pretty nerve-wracking.”

“Well, she’s not a stranger, she’s my girlfriend.” Shawn said lifting his eyebrows at her. 

Camila narrowed her eyes at him, “You know what I mean.”

You coughed to cut the tense moment, “Don’t worry, I completely understand. I think I'd do the same.”

Camila gave you a tight lipped smile, “Thanks for understanding.”

“Where’s your boyfriend? I thought he would be joining us.” Shawn asked taking a sip of his tea, trying to seem nonchalant, but it didn’t exactly work as you noticed his eyes eyeing her. 

“He had to catch an early flight to Tokyo, some business went wrong,” Camila took a deep breath. “So, about Luana... Have you met her, like, when Shawn picks her up or something?”

Shawn chuckled, “Isn’t the point of this meeting because (Y/N) hasn’t met Lu?” 

“Right...” Camila laughed. “Lu’s a very sweet girl and can get very attached, but she can also be a pain and kind of overprotective with this one over here,” she pointed at Shawn with her head, making Shawn smile and look down. “Maybe you should be especially warned that she may not take an instant liking towards you, but don’t worry! She’ll warm up to you eventually.”

“I hope eventually doesn’t take too long.” You chuckled nervously. 

---------------------------

Shawn was bouncing his leg up and down as he waited for Camila to open the door of their previously shared home. 

Camila opened the door wearing silk pajamas with a messy bun, she kissed his cheek and he could help but linger a little bit longer than he should’ve. Camila was going to say something, because even if they weren’t together anymore she knew him too well. But, their moment was interrupted by a mop of brown curls and pale skin, the perfect mix between Camila and Shawn. 

“Daddy!” The child ran towards Shawn’s arms, who lifted her in the air causing her to giggle. 

“Hello, princess! You read to spend the weekend with me?” Shawn asked and the little girl just kept giggling. “Okay, say goodbye to mama and we can get going.”

Camila gave her a big kiss and hug before giving her back to Shawn, who placed Luana back on the ground and signaled his car and told her to wait for him. 

Camila sighed, “Shawn, don’t.”

“What? I’m not doing anything.” 

“I know you. We tried, we fought and it didn’t work, we just have to let it go. plus, (Y/N) is really great. We are moving on and that’s okay.”

Shawn took a deep breath before giving his ex-wife a quick kiss goodbye and walking to his black Jeep that he loved so much. 

He constantly checked on his daughter through the rearview mirror. He turned down the volume of an old Frozen song before talking to her. 

“So, there’s someone waiting for us back in my place.” 

Luana funnily scrunched her face. 

Shawn melted at her cuteness before explaining. “You know how mommy now spends a lot of time with Joe?” Luana nodded. “Well, I also have someone new in my life that I want you to meet.”

Luana still didn’t say anything, making Shawn nervous. 

“Her name is (Y/N), she’s very excited to meet you and I was hoping that you’d be nice to her.”

The little girl accommodated on her car seat before mumbling an “okay”.

Shawn smiled and knew they would be just fine. 

Though, on the other side, you were nervously waiting on Shawn’s luxury apartment for him and his daughter to go inside. 

When the knob twisted, your heart stopped for a second as you noticed a little girl hiding behind Shawn’s legs. 

“Lu, honey. You won’t be able to meet this nice lady we’ve been talking about...” He carefully placed his hand on the top of her head, when she didn’t budge, he carefully knelt in front of her and cleared her messy hair out of her almond shaped eyes. 

You did the same thing, kneeling to meet her height before her sweet eyes met yours. “Hi, I’m (Y/N).” You stretched your arm and placed your hand in front of her. 

Luana carefully eyes you before taking your hand in her tiny one. “I’m Luana, but call me Lu.”

“Okay, Lu...” You released a deep breath you didn’t realize were holding. “Are you hungry? We have waffles waiting for you.”

The little girl softly giggled before taking her dad’s hand. “Can I have cream?” 

Shawn chuckled, “I think we can work that out.”

Her eyes widened, “And sprinkles?”

“Now you’re just taking advantage of your mother not being here, so I'm saying no.”

Luana carefully turned to you, giving you the most precious puppy eyes, something she had most definitely picked up from her father. You winked at her, making her giggle, knowing she was getting the sprinkles she wanted. 

The day went by quickly, Luana quickly getting tired, but trying to hide it so that she could stay in the couch watching Disney’s Brave. 

“If you want to, we can make some popcorn and finish watching it tomorrow. Does that sound good?” You offered and Luana sleepily nodded. 

“It’s my birthday in two weeks.” 

“It is? That’s great!” You said getting up from the couch and pausing Netflix as Shawn picked her up. 

“You can come.” Sha said yawning before resting her head on Shawn’s shoulder. 

Shawn winked at you before walking to his daughter’s bedroom. You let yourself collapse on the couch, a smile decorating your face as you faintly heard footsteps approaching you. 

“I thing that went great.” Shawn said carefully sitting next to you. 

You smiled as you scooted closer to your boyfriend’s warm and firm body. He slowly made his way up and down your back. You opened your eyes and gave him a sweet, slow kiss. 

Shawn smiled, slowly separating your lips as you run your hand through his soft curls. 

“Do you wanna take it to the bedroom?” He offered in a low, sensual voice. 

You laughed, carefully nipping his neck and relishing on his low moan. “We are not having sex with your daughter on the next room.”

Shawn pouted, “I didn’t know that was a condition.”

“It’s not a condition, it’s common sense!” You laughed, but still placed sweet kisses on his jaw. 

He groaned, “Should we catch up with Money Heist, then?” 

You quickly separated your lips from his face. “Now you’re talking!”

Shawn grew silent for a second as you roamed through the TV to find the show. He knew letting go of Camila was hard, he still hadn’t detached himself completely from the situation, but at the same time he knew that in this exact moment, he didn’t love her as much as he was getting to love you, and it was a mix of emotions he hated, but at the same time happily embraced as you curled on his side. 

But, two months went by. He was dropping Luana back to Camila’s when he noticed the redness in her eyes; he knew she had been crying, even if she tried to hide it. 

She kissed Luana and told her to go to her room because it was late and she had school the next morning.

Shawn stepped inside the house, instantly memories hit him like a ton of bricks; from early mornings having breakfast when Camila was pregnant, to the late fights and rainy mornings spent talking about the future when they had just learned that they were having a little girl. 

“What happened?” Shawn asked quietly. 

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Camila dismissed him quickly. 

“Don’t lie to me, Cami. I know you, remember?”

Camila couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, letting them flow freely as Shawn hugged her; her body fitting his like a glove, but it wasn’t quite the same as when his (Y/N) curled up next to him in the middle of the night. 

“Joe and I had a fight, he just stormed off and I just feel like a teenager. We’re adults, I shouldn’t be crying because of a fight with my boyfriend.”

He didn’t know how it happened, but somehow his forehead found hers and their breathing was getting mixed. 

Shawn knew he shouldn’t; because he had an incredible girl waiting for him and because there was a reason why he and Camila got divorced, it wasn't an easy decision, but they still took it because it was the mature and sane thing to do. 

So he reminded himself of that as he closed his eyes and softly pushed Camila away from him. 

“I’m sorry, that shouldn’t have happened,” Camila wiped her eyes. “I don’t feel anything for you, Shawn. I don’t want to risk what I have.”

Shawn sighed, “That makes us two of us. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.”

And with that he crossed the door and got inside his car. While he was driving back to his apartment, where you were waiting for him, he was just thinking about how much he loved you and didn’t want to lose you. 

He could easily keep silent because, technically, nothing happened. But he also realized that he loved you too much to keep you in the dark. 

So he came home and told you. 

And you left. 

[kalxdesai]

Confessions of a Broken Mind||Therapy Session

TW: Addiction, Substance Abuse, Death, Suicide, Lack of self-worth, Family Disownment, Medication, Language, Some smart-ass comments (it’s basically everything and the kitchen sink) 

Ah therapy the one place where Danny felt like he could just BE and not be judged. His therapist, one Matthew Davis, had been in Danny's life for over a decade, the two had such a familiar relationship the older man could take simple cues from Danny and know what to discuss, what to drop and what to push. Today, like most days, he was dressed casual: a pair of relaxed black jeans, an Atlanta Falcon t-shirt, sneakers, glasses and as always a pen and notebook in his lap. While this clothing choice may have seemed unorthodox for other patient and doctor relationships, Danny and Matt had established by then clothing was not the high point of their meetings. Usually. "Did you wear that shirt just to piss me off?" Danny asked after a few minutes worth of silence.

A smile played on the other man's lips before a quiet chuckle left his mouth. "No, if I wanted to do that I would have worn an Eagles shirt. Or the Phillies. Or the Heat. Or the Penguins." He flashed Danny a charismatic smile, leaning back in the chair that faced the couch where Danny sat. Matthew had a Mel Gibson look-deep set piercing blue eyes, a mound of brown hair that tended to have a mind all it's own, a slim but firm upper-body, a clean shaven face that was pretty close to perfectly symmetrical. Danny rolled his eyes but couldn't hide his own smile as he looked at the man. There's roughly a minute or two of relaxation before the notebook is opened. "So, how are you?"

While this sentence alone may seem broad, Danny has the shorthand down. "Uh...life hasn't changed much since the last time I saw you. Sleep is still for shit, but it's been that way for so long I can't remember what REM sleep is. Everyone is doing as well as can be..." He let out a breath of air and shrugged. "Sorry, Martin Riggs I am not" he said and gave a tentative chuckle before he looked down at the carpet. "Was there something specific you wanted to ask me? Or something specific you wanted to know?" It had been one thing back when Danny had first fallen down the rabbit hole of addiction but now with the help and support system he was determined to stay clean. He had too much to lose.

Matt's eyes were scanning the notebook, the pen twirling in his fingers. This suited Danny just fine, it was one of many reasons he preferred being the last patient of the day and Matt was more than willing to accommodate, he was either the one patient for the day or the last one. Anything else put him on edge. But now they could be relaxed with most of the day behind them they could take their time and be as at ease as they could. "It's been nearly two months since you lost your father. How has that been?" Danny raised an eyebrow but waited a minute as he reached in his pockets, feeling the chips in his fingers, his own touchstone to the real world as the one he was in could often distort and contort the realities of life.

"My parents...Being raised by them was kind of like being raised by terminators, their actions were dictated by a gain and loss margin, everything they did was calculated and for a specific reason. If they had a checklist it went like this: meet, check, courtship, check, marriage, check, offspring, check, take over the world" he finished and laughed again, brushing some hair out of his eyes. "I can't recall the word love being used, not by my parents, or my grandparents, or anyone else really, it was always fall in line, follow the rules, etc etc." He held the chips still firmly in his pocket, looking down for a minute before he finally looked up again. "She didn't even look at me, not at the funeral, not at the will reading, not a glance, not a single acknowledgment, I mean, I'm not surprised given our history but it's unfathomable to me that someone could be so cold. And for that matter if you aren't raised to love, knowing what it is, how do you learn to love? How do you love, period?"

A silence passed for a few minutes before Matt looked up from the notebook. "You had love-your brothers, all your friendships. May have not seemed like a lot at the time but it was love in it's own form. In a perfect world, all kids would be born to parents that loved them unconditionally and they would come at a time when life was just right for their appearance. But as we know life is far from perfect so stories like you and worse are fairly, sadly common. As for how someone can love if they are not raised with it, well, you may have not been raised by caring parents but it didn't stop you from growing up into a person that cares, the circumstances that you are born into do not have to dictate your own life." He stopped again, his head tilted as he thought for a minute. "You managed at least four relationships, unless the internet lied to me so despite what you weren't raised with you manage to love, no thanks to your parents and that is all you. Tell me about it."

Danny blew out a sigh and nodded. "Well, aside from some juvenile crushes when I was a kid, nothing really serious back home. I came to Cali and was too busy to considered dating, not that that was a real possibility or anything. In this business if you don't look like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, good luck, you have to take whatever is given and fight tooth and nail for a role you really want. Girls too man, I wasn't like those other idiots running around with hundred dollar bills in my back pockets, throwing them at anything and everything, no, like the song says mo money, mo problems. Anyways, Odessa was my first serious everything, well, first everything really...Pathetic...Here I am all these years later still gone. It was your typical teen love at first and well...Then it wasn't. Parenthood is hard enough for adults but for teens that are far from ready? A whole other beast. It didn't matter what our relationship status was though we had the same goal and that was raising our son the best way we could. Uh...my first relationship after that came when Wyatt was about two or so, I was completely upfront about my past, never hid it but in the end she was uncomfortable that I was always going to be in my son and his mom's life so that ended after about five, six months." Danny stopped for a minute to catch his breath. "One-night stands were few and far between with me, between work, Wyatt, staying clean, I was busy, well, that and I didn't like the way I felt in the morning. My next relationship was about a year and a half, um, she didn't care that I had a kid and an ex, not the way my first ex did, um, it was a nice relationship overall but at some point we realized we were better as friends. Weird when that happens after sex but hey" he said and shrugged. "And then came the most serious one, it lasted for three and a half years. It wasn't perfect, of course, nothing is, but it was really special. I mean clearly it was, it's not like I propose to just anyone. But she ended it and that was that. And then Odessa and I fell back into our old ways, had Heather, Brock and well...stay tuned is all I can say for now."

Another lapse of silence, Matt wrote in the notebook, Danny stood and stretched, the drive alone had been long enough and then to resort back to sitting was a bit of a pain. Sitting back down, Danny faced the other man. The dance was nearly over, it was a similar one each time he came, it may have varied on and off depending on circumstances but mostly it followed a simple pattern. Once more Matt was carefully turning the words in his head before he spoke. "Hollywood is a hard business, for some, impossible, and yet, you keep on logging your hours and taking whatever jobs you can. Why?" Now it was Danny's turn to sit and think, turning his words before he answered.

"Like I already said and this shouldn't surprise you or anyone for that matter: Whorewood, excuse me, Hollywood, is for the beautiful ones, or the wealthy ones that can buy their way into their business or worse the ones who are only famous because mommy and daddy are famous." He scoffed and shook his head. "My whole life I have felt like an outsider, like I didn't belong anywhere. But when I discovered acting, it was like a door to a new world had opened and I wasn't the shy, awkward, and just plain stupid Danny. I was anybody I wanted to be other than me. And that was incredible. I love it, I live for acting so while it might not be the easiest career opportunity, because if it was, let's face it, everyone would do it. I'm an underdog and that's okay, it just means I have to try harder, work harder. It's also why I root for the underdog teams" he said and shrugged once.

Matt nodded once before speaking. "You are far from a loser, Danny. Addiction is a monster that has ravaged countless people, it's destroyed lives, families, claimed lives, the numbers are staggering. And yet for every person lost, there is always someone who survives and thrives. You are one of those people, Danny, everyday that you are clean and sober and staying on the right path proves just how wrong you are when you say such disparaging remarks about yourself. Everyone in the world is a little broken, not everyone shows it and not everyone admits it but no one is truly happy or sane or normal. And that's fine, it's called being human and the one thing that we as humans can do is be the best version of ourself we can be. If you can look at yourself in the mirror at night and be content with the face staring back, then keep up whatever you are doing, and if you don't like the face staring back, sit and think and change what you don't like. Your life, whether you know it or not, means a lot to people, it may not be a lot of people, but there are people in your life that love you, care about you and want the best for you. Keep fighting and staying alive for them."

Danny whistled. "Woah Nelly I'm not sure what I said that made you think you had to like talk me off a ledge but I'm fine, at least in that respect. I take my meds, see you, my sponsor is on speed dial, if I get myself into a bad situation, I get myself out of it. Believe me I know that people are dependent on me, it's one of many reasons I keep going. One day at a time, that's all I can do, just take life one day at a time. I'm not trying for much here, I just...Want to be happy, that's all. But I guess if happiness came easily you would be out of a job" he added which made them both chuckle. Standing, Danny once more stretched and dug his keys out. "Same time, same place?"

Matt nodded and finished writing out the script, handing it to Danny as he too stood. "I upped your dosage-you may be okay with not sleeping but I have an issue so let's try and fix that." Danny shrugged and put the paper in his pocket, facing him again. "And yes I an a Falcon's fan-and a Brave's fan, and a Hawk's fan but my personal favorite team, if I had to pick one-Atlantix oh yes my personal favorite team." His face is impossible to read before he breaks into a grin and laugh, Danny flipping him the bird but chuckling with him as he heads out into the afternoon.

[hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall]

Home sweet Home - Chapter 2

Pairing: Chris Evans x OFC

Summary: Emily Wines and Chris Evans have been friends since they were kids. When Emily needs a break from her life she moves in with Chris back in Boston. It sounds easy, but things never go as planned, right?

Warnings: swearing, violence, past trigger memories, eventual, possible smut.

A/N: This story has been on my mind for a while, and I have started writing it on AO3. So yes, I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I will writing it. There will be angst, fluff, an attempt of humour and maybe… maybe a bit of smut. Enjoy :)

Wordcount: 2243

Tags: @southerngracela

PREVIOUS

MASTER LIST

Standing in the middle of the Airport made all of the memories about home, come back. The first time she travelled here with her mom, the first time she saw her house, her own room, the neighbourhood, and the first time she met the Evans' family. The times she has made life-long friendships between those weird-ass kids, that have welcomed her to their theatric group, and made her sing to some Disney songs.

She missed this town. When she moved to DC for her studies and then went to Paris for an exchange programme, Boston was something far away, something forgotten, even though it was still hidden in the deepest places of her heart. She was enjoying her Uni life, her new starting career and awful relationships with guys that well... Let's just say weren't good enough for her. But she did have a life. An amazing life if she looked back. At the age of 27, she opened her first restaurant in DC, a year later it got her first Michelin Star. At the age of 30, she had a restaurant in DC, New York and planning to open in Madrid. She was successful, her bank account was full enough to make her quit now and live a normal life for what she had now, but she wasn't happy. There was something missing. Every night she was going to sleep with a cold side of the bed. Even if she dated, no guy was there when he really needed it, and whatever they both called it, was over before it really happened. She was a 35 years old woman, with no good romantic history.

But she was happy now. She hasn't felt so happy and excited about anything since her first own restaurant opened. After the Madrid place got another Michelin star, she decided to step away and move back home. She was still travelling places and was checking out on it, but she was not cooking anymore, she was not a part of the working bees in the kitchen. She was a manager, the CEO. And she felt that it was just enough for her. She came back here wanting to open a small coffee-book place and just enjoy small-town life.

"Hey, shorty!" She turned around hearing a so familiar voice behind her. With no cares in the world, she threw her handy bag on the floor and hugged the man in front of her. He was so tall and big. Something she didn't notice through FaceTime. Of course, she watched his movies, but damn seeing him now was a completely different aspect. She smiled and snuggled into his chest like she did whenever she had a bad day when they were still kids. He smelled so good, so familiar. So much like home. "Come on, let's get you home before people start to stare too much." She could sense the joking tone in his voice, however, she did understand that there was some seriousness into it. He was Chris Evans after all, the Captain America. Oh, how many times has he complained to her about the lack of privacy, so it was only natural for him to be wary of his surroundings.

He took her small bag, encircled his fingers with her, and head out for the exit. She looked down at their hands, and couldn't think about anything else except that fact that his hands were huge, but nicely and surprisingly soft. They haven't seen each other face to face since they said goodbye to each other for his College. And well, he has changed so much. Not only the fact that he became taller, bigger, but the beard on his face did give him more charm than the camera would show. She smiled sadly, realising something. He has become a man. A very handsome and attractive man.

She stopped in front of the car and whistle. There it was, the beauty that she has only seen through the FaceTime camera, and on the internet. An old enough to be changed but loved by both Chris and her, Lexus ES 350. It's classy and beautiful but should not bring too much attention, which was probably the reason why he has chosen to come here with.

"Ma' told me to get you there for dinner", She chuckled seeing his apologetic look on his face, when they started to drive to his home. "Sorry, tried to argue with her that you need some time to relax, but..."

"Oh, please, no! I'd love to come." She answered, assuringly putting her hand on his hand which was sat on the gear. "Can we just go to your house first? I want to take a shower and change." He nodded and looked at the road. She stared back over the window, remembering every street and corner she’s been in when they were kids. She missed this place so much.

"I have got info from the company, that your stuff will be here tomorrow." She nodded and smiled to herself, sinking into the sit. She did not even know how tired she really was until she sat in this too comfy for her liking car. "You look tired. You sure, you wanna join us for dinner?"

"Come on, Evans, I'm starting to think you don't want me there" She winked at him and smiled hearing him laugh out loud.

"Well, I said yes for you to move in with me, so too late for that now." She giggled and bit her lip. "A penny for your thoughts?" She raised her brows not sure what he meant. "You always bit your lip when there was something on your mind." She shook her head, not believing how well he knew her.

"I'll be out of your hair as soon as I..." But she stopped, feeling his hand moving from the gear up to her thigh, squeezing it a bit.

"We've talked about it, Shorty", she rolled her eyes, hearing his nickname. "You can stay with me for as long as you wish. I'm happy to have you back here." Her cheeks blushed, and she turned away for him not to see. He smirked and took his hand away from her leg.

**

"Shanna and Carly are going to kill you for those, you know?" He laughed seeing all the gifts she has bought for the kids. He was still surprised to find how she was able to pack them all into this bag.

"Oh come on, cause you never buy them anything", she pouted, which made him laugh even more. "The last time I saw them was before Christmas a year ago." He calmed down and sent her a soft smile. He was happy inside to see how close she got with his family.

"What's that?" He asked taking a small tea set. She smiled and put it away from him.

"I promised my mom to visit her tomorrow", he frowned but then smiled and nodded his head. Her mom was laying in the hospital for the last half a year. He visited her a couple of times. She did not look too good, but she was hanging. He always wondered how Emily was taking all that. When she found out about her mother in a hospital, she flew all the way from Madrid for a couple of days. From what he knew, she was paying for every treatment, not being able to be there for her. That was probably also the reason why she came back. All this work and travelling caused her to not be able to be close to her mother, which may have probably broken her heart, with every day.

"Can I come?" She widened her eyes at his request. "I saw her a week ago, so if you're going there anyway, I thought I can tag along?" She opened her mouth to say something, but she only hugged him. He smiled and hugged her back, kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you, Chris." He shook his head when she pulled away.

"No need to thank me, Em. We are like a family." She nodded and straightened up. "Ok, ready for the Evans' family?" She giggled and followed him. They didn't drive, decided to take a walk, in case any of them would like to have a beer or wine for dinner.

"I missed this place", she whispered, as to herself, and he nodded, as he would understand her feeling. "Home is home, after all, right?" She looked up into his blue eyes and smiled sweetly. Without a word, he encircled his fingers with hers, just like at the airport. "I can take the bag", he frowned at her statement. "I can see you're struggling". She put all the gifts for the kids in the bag.

"Again... My ma' would whoop my ass if she saw I let you toss that around." She laughed out loud at this gentleman's way. "Plus it's not heavy. You just coaxed them in such a shitty way", He snickered when she shoved him gently on the arm. "Good to know not everything changed." She raised her brows, waiting for him to continue. "Come on, you really want me to say that?"

"Say what?" she chuckled, looking confused as hell.

"So many things changed since I have seen you last, all those years ago. You have your own restaurants, you're not an annoying brat anymore", another smack on his bicep. "And fuck Emy... You are really hot, you know", she blushed, and looked away, feeling even more blushed, when he started to laugh at her reaction.

"Well, you don't look bad yourself." He licked his lips and smiled. "But you're still a dickhead!" He grabbed his chest at the side of the heart, pretending to be hurt. He winked at her and knocked at the doors to his mom's house.

"Emily, sweetheart!" Lisa pulled the girl for the bear hug. "I have missed you so much."

"Hello mother, good to see you too!" Chris chimed in, making Em giggle under her breath, of his 'mommy's boy' jealousy.

"Oh, shush you. I saw you yesterday." Lisa laughed and pushed them both to the living room, where everyone was waiting. "Go with Chris I will bring something to drink. Beer for Chris, how about you, sweety?"

"I'll have the beer as well, please." She answered, smiling at the woman. She was about to say something more, when she heard the kids, screaming happily seeing Chris.

"I've got a surprise for ya!" He laughed, taking Milo into his arms.

"Aunt Emily!"

**

"So Madrid, New York, DC... damn girl that's some good locations!" she laughed at Scott's statement. "I remember I wanted to eat in NY and there was no place."

"Oh gosh, you should have told me. I would call and make it available!" She huffed, surprised to hear that for the first time. It was getting close to 11. Kids were already asleep, so only the adults left. With some beers already gone, the atmosphere was even more relaxed. She was leaning on Chris' arm, with his head laying on hers.

"See she doesn't even cook in her own restaurants anymore... she's become miss important" Scott continued making everyone laugh, including Chris, who was trying not to fall asleep. She smiled seeing it and got up, making him frown.

"I'm sorry guys, but I'd really need some rest." They all nodded and stood up hugging her and Chris. Both of them got some extras from dinner into the bag and left the house, after promises that they will see both of them soon.

"Thanks." He whispered, walking with her arm by arm. She looked at him and just now realised how tired he looked. "And sorry. You wanted to stay, right?"

"I'm actually tired as well, so no need to apologise." She reassured him, holding his hand, just as he did before. He looked down and clenched his fingers a bit. After a while, they were already at home. As much as Chris was tired, he didn't want to go to sleep. He missed her too much to just end the day like that. He didn't unwind their hands, which made her look back at him. "I've got 'inside out' which I still haven't watched, wanna join me?"

"I thought you were tired?" She chuckled, going to sit on the couch when he went to the kitchen to grab some more beers and popcorn.

"Fresh air gave me some extra energy" he lied, shrugging his shoulders. She frowned and smiled, but nodded. She tilted her head, when he sat next to her, pulling her to him into a side hug. "I missed that", he said into the top of her head, inhaling her smell. "What's that? Coconut?" She giggled and nodded her head which made him hum in approval. "I missed you." She hugged him a bit tighter, enjoying the warmth of his body, feeling so safe.

"You haven't put the movie on..." She finally stated, when the TV was still pitch black. "Let me..."

"Let's just stay like that... I think I really am tired", he whispered, enjoying this little friendly time between the two of them. She smiled and kissed him on the chest through the shirt. Something that may look romantic, was a normal thing for them, something they did millions of time when they were kids and teenagers. Just being there and enjoying their presence.

NEXT

[talesofhavekostca-blog]

OPERATION: STRAWBERRY PUSSY BLAST

Jack Burroughs

January, 3rd 2015

Havekost, CA

“Cuthbert The Carnivorous Cunt-Louse did it again.”, said Jake while opening the trunk of his warhorse, showing me the large bag of marijuana. It is a clear five-gallon garbage bag. Inside were smaller bags of weighed out weed. Anywhere from ounces to dime bags.

“My God, I’ve never seen so much weed in one place before.” I say before looking around the school parking lot,” How did you fit it into your car, Jake?”

“Easy, gumption and my ever-growing need to make that money, Jack”

“Yeah, but aren’t you super-rich?”

“Bitch I’m gonna be richer than that.” He laughs and hands me an ounce. “Here, this is for letting you leave the concert while you were tripping. I’m really sorry we lost you, man, but I ended up hooking up with twins. You know the Breenes?”

“Wait, aren’t they a brother and sister?”

“Jack, did you forget I was bi?”

I pause and go,” I guess it has been a while since I saw you making out with some jock.”

“Ahh yes, the good ole’ days. Anyway, while you were tripping balls with furries, I was getting it on. I’m, again, sorry Jesus and I lost track of you.”

I light up a cigarette and shrug, “So what if I lost my girlfriend and ended up stranded in a diner for several hours and was taped by the local news helicopter taking a piss in the woods while a furry orgy happened behind me. It’s cool that you let me walk off with a homeless man while you and Jesus did random shit.”

“You sound bitter, Jack.” He smiles and hands me another ounce. “Are you still grounded?”

“OF COURSE I AM, THIS JUST HAPPENED A WEEK AGO. My grandparents saw me on the news and now they think I like people in animal costumes! “

“Well...This is something you can tell your grandkids, at least.”

“...I guess.” I look at the weed in my hands and I open the bag and I smell it. “Oh my god. This smells amazing, what is this?”

“Oh, get this, it's called ‘Strawberry Pussy Blast’.”

“What? No way, that’s fucking great.” We laugh and I throw down my spent cigarette and we head to class. I hide the two ounces in my bag, which I then hide in my locker.

***

First-class of the day and its Mr. Perry’s Homeroom class and I’m doodling and everyone is still looking over and snickering at me. The kid next to me, Clarence, has his shirt over his nose due to my smoking and I feel bad as he’s nice but on the other hand I just want to tell him to quit being such a pussy.

Mr. Perry is sitting at his desk, reading a book about superheroes during the war. He thoughtfully strokes his beard and sips his coffee. He is my Arch-Nemesis. Well, besides Anxiety, Depression, my seeming forever-virginity and I guess my addiction to Shirley Temples.   I have pranked Perry so many times, as of this moment I have tied him to a chair, crashed his birthday party that his wife threw and kidnapped him for a better grade and we ended up bonding over history and goth music. He didn’t press charges because I accidentally helped him get out of a dinner with his in-laws, you know, because he was in my attic.

Jake is behind me doodling as well and I look over occasionally and I see that he’s drawing The Masked Avengement, who is some guy who’s running around the city, claiming he’s a superhero but apparently he’s been fighting random homeless people on video for money. His ‘sidekick’ Owly is even worse, I hear he sells PCP to girl scouts. These guys are our local legends and I’ve seen a kid dressed up as Owly, and I fucking laughed.

The intercom squelches and whines, “Jake Stone and Jack Burroughs, to the principal’s office. Jake Stone and Jack Burroughs, to the principal's office.” 

Perry looks up and makes eye contact with me and points to the door and I pull Jake’s arm for him to come with and he whines saying, “But I haven’t finished the crack pipe!”

***

 When we walk inside, The Principal is waiting for us. He looks grandfatherly, but like, the kind of grandfather that used to be a nazi and probably molests himself while dressed as a clown.  “Ah, gentlemen, I've been waiting for you. Please have a seat.” 

We do and after a few seconds, he gets up and opens the closet. He pulls out the five-gallon clear bag of weed Jake had in his car.

Oh shit.

“DID YOU BREAK INTO MY CAR?!”

“No, Bruce the security guard did after he saw you hand Mr. Burroughs some weed.” 

He opens the bag and takes out a dime bag and sits back down at his desk. He then opens a drawer and pulls out a bong that is shiny and orange. He fills it up with water and weed and takes a hit. He coughs while blowing out smoke. He then presses an intercom button and says, “Ms. Abner will you come in here. I have some chronic.” and she says, “Yes sir, right away.” and comes into the office and Ms. Abner looks like the kind of lady who’d play the organ at church, but badly, and would leave her estate to her cats. She takes a hit and coughs and she says “Oh, oh my.” and coughs some more and the Principal says “Quit being a bitch, Martha.” 

Jake and I are surprised and uncomfortable. He takes another hit and says, “This weed is so good, I might not expel you from school. Now listen clearly, you can keep the two ounces you have in your locker, Mr. Burroughs. You two have bought our new computer lab with this...donation if you will.”

“Wait, you’re selling weed for the school?” I say, still in shock.

“Well, we have to get funding somehow. So for the last decade, we take the weed stupid kids as yourself bring to school to sell and sell it ourselves. It's pretty brilliant. Wouldn’t you agree, Ms. Abner?”

“Yes, sir,” Ms.Abner says while opening a bag of Cheetos and eating some. Her eyes are red. 

“YOU BASTARDS WILL PAY!” Jake roars and I hold him back and The Principal just smiles and laughs and then asks, “Burroughs, what is this strain called?”

I tell him before leaving as I pull Jake away, “Strawberry Pussy Blast.”

I hear nothing but laughter as we walk away.

***

Jake and I are in front of the Principal’s house, the lights are off and I’m nervous and Jake is applying war paint on his face and I’m cold. Its 10PM and I’m not supposed to be outside. 

“What’s the gameplan, Jake?”

“We’re going to find dirt on this bastard, anything.”

We check the backdoor and its unlocked. We go inside and the house smells like old hard candy and cat litter and clown makeup. We search high and low but find nothing. I find old playboys, handcuffs, zip ties and superglue in a bag but that’s it.

Then we hear noises from the basement. Jake looks at me and I shrug and we walk to the door and the noises get louder and I can tell there are at least two people downstairs. 

We tiptoe down quietly and we hide behind old newspapers and a dresser, and from we are standing we can see the Principal in Mormon underwear, tied to a rack while Ms.Abner is dressed as a nazi, whipping him and I’m not even a little surprised.

Well, I’m surprised he doesn’t have makeup on.

Jake starts filming on his phone and Ms. Abner really goes to town on The Principal. She screams at him in German and he’s crying saying he’s been a good boy and after a particularly brutal slap, he pisses himself and I stifle a giggle.  Ms. Abner then grabs a bucket of ice-cream and pulls out a handful and rubs it all over the Principal’s face. He keeps screaming between bites and breaths, “Thank you, Mommy, thank you, Mommy. Gimme More.”

I fucking die at this point and Ms.Abner looks behind her and sees Jake and I. Ms. Abner faints and falls over and I laugh harder.

“What are you boys doing?!” The Principal is shocked and ashamed and is trying to get out of his ties but he’s stuck and helpless.

“Mr. Principal, I see we meet again. Now, I know you’re doing a good service. But you stole what is rightfully mine. If you don’t tell me where the weed is, I will ruin you. Do you understand?” Jake holds up his phone and plays the video. The Principal is crying and he keeps apologizing and says the weed is in the closet, by the clown costume. 

I FUCKING KNEW IT.

We grab the weed and leave him on the rack. Ms. Abner, still very much asleep and looking the most peaceful a woman dressed as a nazi can be, murmurs random things. We leave the house and Jake posts the video to the internet later. It goes viral on shock sites by the morning. The next day at class, we see that the Principal and Ms. Abner have been fired and everybody's watching the video and laughing.

Jake turns to me and says “Operation: Strawberry Pussy Blast was a success!” as we sit down in class. Perry looks up and looks at us and Jake winks and shoots him a few times with finger guns.

 No teacher bothers us again for the rest of the year.

[mermaidylluria]

Warning to all you mers on Tumblr out there: The purge has officially begun. My account just got flagged, and the only things I have on here are my own event photos (which are all family-friendly & fully clothed), and mermaid art (both classical and new, some of which has an LGBTQ focus- and may, at times, *gasp* in some cases feature kissing). So.. just as a heads-up, the whole Tumblog censorship hubub is a real thing. My hope was that in a page FULL of mermaids, it would be obvious what the space was about- that it was absent of pornographic or ANY kind of child-endangering content, n’ be subsequently left alone.  But it appears that’s not the case.  So now that we know mer art is going to be targeted (after all, “NEKKIT BEWBIES, ER MAH GURD!!”), I suggest we all get ready to either defend our posts (via disputing flagged content), participate in some kind of (peaceful, preferably meaningful & artful) protest, or just leave the platform all together. 'Cause this tells me that they're not only flagging classical art, they're also trying to eradicate LGBTQ content, and NONE of that is okay.  Personally, I’m going to do all 3.  Fight and dispute, while making preparations to move my space elsewhere.  Where that’ll be I’m not sure yet, but if we loose, I want a place for my mermaid stuff to go, and the demigods at Tumblr better be aware, I’m taking my decently-well-known bellydance n’ other blogs w/me too, if I’m forced to leave.

And just for my personal 2 cents on the matter?  Dear gods, not ALL of the internet has to be child friendly. XP Censorship like that happening on YouTube, Facebook & now Tumblr stifles creativity (look at channels like Glam&Gore, who can’t barely do SFX makeup anymore because she keeps getting demonetized), silences valuable artistic and minority voices, removes audiences for burgeoning creators (who, btw, may NOT be engaging in pornographic content in ANY way), and forces narrow-minded, puritanical standards of "decency" (which are by FAR the minority), over others' ability to operate successfully in that medium. This smothers decent, AWESOME things like art, science, expression and SO much more. XS  See, it’s not about the p0rn.  It’s about the CENSORSHIP.  This is the internet. It was designed to dispense and SHARE information, ideas, inspiration, fun, etc. Not be a surrogate nanny for your kids. XS

ANNNNYWAY, if you want to read more about what is and is not allowed on Tumblr now, you can visit: https://tumblr.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/231885248. (And be sure to read to the bottom, where users can find out how to appeal post & entire blog flags under the last 2 questions.)  And if you have a mermaid blog where ANY kind of toplessness is involved, note that "female presenting nipples" is distinctly mentioned, which, as I'm sure lots of you already know, directly impacts classical AND modern art- one of the few things on Tumblr that can be shared WITHOUT a copyright, as well as a TON of mermaid art, classical and otherwise. XP 

What does this mean?  Well.. in simple terms, it means that stuff like Botticelli and Picasso are no longer welcome on Tumblr.  It means that Reubens, Waterhouse and Rodin, if they have artistic interpretations of naked women in their work, cannot be shared on Tumblr.  Even though their works are featured in international museums of the highest callibur, lauded all over the world as legends of innovation, vision, unparalleled beauty, & precision, expression & creativity, and world-famed for their social and economic value.  Those.. are not welcome here now, apparently.  Meanwhile, images & videos stolen from present-day & other modern hard-working artists, photographers, cartoonists, writers and other creators from allll over the world arrre hunky-dory. XP  DaFUQ, Tumblr??? (At -least- they mention mis-attribution & non-attribution on their new guidelines now. That at least, is an improvement. X*)

But now.. let’s see how that’s directly affected my blog, shall we..?  ‘Cause, as I mentioned before, I figured surely since I didn’t actually have any pr0n on my pages, I & other mer pages should be safe, right?  BZZZZZZZT, WRONG.  After getting this e-mail (pictured above), I went through my whole blog and found the 4 posts that were "flagged" as having adult content. *rolls eyes* 

3 of them were reblogs &1 was an original post. 

2 of those posts were queer-positive modern art. 

1 was a photographic collection of pieces FEATURED IN "W" MAGAZINE, 

And the last is a piece of classical style, queer-positive art. XS 

One of the modern pieces doesn't even show nipples, just saggy bewbies COVERED with small seashells. 

The other modern-style piece was a Rackham style drawing, where the tatas are but a mere suggestion of simple lines and dots. 

One was shown in a INTERNATIONAL FRICKING FASHION MAGAZINE SPREAD, which was apparently suitable for SOMEONES' interpretation of public consumption, 

and the last only shows suggestions & curvatures of breasts! (Showing the side and outer portions of the female chest, with no nipples. XP)

-And WHY AM I HAVING TO JUSTIFY THIS???? THIS IS ART. THIS IS NOT P0RN. Again I say "WTF, Tumblr????" XS

As you can see, 3 of my posts were reblogs, so I had no means of disputing those posts.  (According to their new guidelines, the owner of the original post has to do that, and if they are found as having “inappropriate content,” there’s no further means of appeal.)   But one of them, one of the very first posts I ever made in this blog, was an original, so I was able to refute its being deemed as inappropriate.  FIrst, you have to go through allll of your posts to find.. whatever it is someone’s had issue with.  (Whether it’s a person who’s flagged it or something chosen by Tumblr’s algorithms/keyword alert systems, I have no idea.)  But they don't even bother to link you in your notification e-mail, so first you’ve gotta FIND what’s being flagged before you can repeal it.  (I didn’t even know what I was looking for at first.  They never specify.  Would it be a tiny new icon near the Edit and Share buttons at the bottom?  A wee little flag pointer, outside of the post itself..?  Do I got to my posted page n’ try to find it?  Or will it be in my Posts stream, & the whole post be red..?  Who knows?)  But eventually, after enough scrolling, I found what I was looking for.  A big red bar across the affected posts.  -And if it’s a post you can do something about, they give you a button to push on the designated "flagged" work, at the top right. After you hit the "dispute" button, you’re given a largely blank page.  In the center, you get to choose between Dispute, Cancel or Learn More.  No “tell us why you feel this should not be flagged, why it doesn’t violate our rules,” nothing.  Nowhere to speak your peace.  You just hit a button, and you’re done.  You get no say, other than “I object, your honor!”  NOT COOL, people. NOT COOL.  You clearly don’t wanna hear the voices of your content creators, or, at least, enough to allow them to speak for the work they felt appropriate enough to post..

Reading this from another media source?  Please don’t discount this issue if you don’t personally have a Tumblog.  It doesn't really matter whether you use tumble or not, whether you think it's lame or not, etc. The problem is much, much larger than that, and it’s growing.  This is another very large, social media platform that's being affected by censorship in the name of marketing- and thus, be child-friendly.  They want the whole family to be able to come and see all the ads they wanna put here, and without that, they don’t make their money.  So anything not child-friendly, even vaguely PERCEIVED as not child-friendly (by God only knows whose standards), is being wiped out from the whole platform.  Don’t believe me?  It’s happened on YouTube, on Facebook, and likely, many others.  Do some googling and check it out for yourself.  YouTube is a platform that’s being strangled by this phenomenon right this very second.  There are videos on it.  Go see. Now.  ‘Cause if we don’t educate ourselves about this n’ do something to fight it, what’s happening to YouTube is our future.  Not just here on Tumblr, but EVERYWHERE.

Big Brother isn't just watching, guys, he's stealing your open arenas for personal and creative expression, so he can better market to you & yer kids.  He wants EVERYONE to buy his Stuff.   And if the kids can’t see it here, they won’t ask mommy and daddy to go get it for them.  So out classical art, and LGBTQ content, and mermaids go.  Out the door.  (Meanwhile, who do kids love?? UM.. MERMAIDS.  HELLO!!!  What should be educating them about history and the arts?  UMM.. FINE ART, HELLO.  Who teaches them about tolerance and diversity and SO MUCH MORE?  Umm.. THE LGBTQ community!  Who teaches them about what human bodies look like, and that it’s okay to have ANY kind of body?  UM.. BODY POSITIVE ART, THANK YOU.)  

We need to put the kaibosh on this somehow, now. Not just for Tumblr, or Facebook, or YouTube. We've got to find SOME way of letting the Big Boys know this is not activity we will tolerate. 'Cause the places to freely express ourselves are going to continue to diminish, get scarcer, and fewer.. until they're all.. gone.

ART =/= PORN, YOU IGNORANT, PURITANICAL, MONEY-GRUBBING FISHTITS.  LEARN TO POLICE YOUR OWN CHILDREN, MORE EFFECTIVELY POLICE GENUINE CRIMINALS, AND LEAVE THE REST OF THE INTERNET ALONE.  Please.

♥

[myhauntedsalem]

19 Parents Share The Creepiest Things Their Kids Have Ever Said

Kids say the darnedest things, but they also come out with ridiculously creepy things as well. When Reddit asked ‘what is the creepiest thing your child has ever said?’ Parents of the internet came forward with their stories and boy, they didn’t disappoint.

Here are nineteen of the most disturbing, chill inducing stories shared.  All we ask is for you to try and suppress the urge to lock your children in a cupboard after reading these.

1. “Daddy Its A Monster… We Should Bury It.”

My 3 year old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for awhile then turned and looked at me and said, “Daddy its a monster… we should bury it.”

2. “The Man Who Crawls On The Floor And Stands By My Bed.”

My co-worker’s four year old daughter always thought that the rattling of the water pipes in the kitchen cupboards were “white wolves” and the sound always scared her. One day she was sitting at the kitchen table and she said, “Mom. The white wolves aren’t bad… they’re our friends!”

Her mom encouraged the idea by saying, “Yes! The white wolves are protecting us. They are our friends.” Then her daughter added in, “They’re our friends, but not the man who crawls on the floor and stands by my bed”.

3. “Good Bye Dad.”

I was tucking in my two year old. He said “Good bye dad.” I said, “No, we say good night.” He said “I know. But this time its good bye.”

Had to check on him a few times to make sure he was still there.

4. “It’s The Closest I Can Get To Seeing Her Dead.”

He’s not my kid, but my godson is extremely creepy. He likes to stand in his little sister’s doorway while she naps and watches her sleep. I ask him why and he says, “it’s the closest I can get to seeing her dead.” He also likes to shove her fist in his mouth as far as it can go because he wants to “know what suffocating is like, just in case.” I’m pretty sure he’d be a serial killer if it wasn’t for Mario Kart.

5. “The Man With The Snake Neck.”

While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, “the man.” To which I replied, “what man?” She then pointed at the closet and said, “the man with the snake neck.” I turn around and nothing was there.

I’m afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet. At least she wasn’t scared.

6. You Will Die Soon

Not to me, but to his grandmother.

He was cuddling with her and being very sweet (he was about 3 at the time). He takes her face in his hands, and brings his face close to hers, then tells her that she’s very old, and will die soon.

Then he makes a point of looking at the clock.

7. “I Want To Peel All Your Skin Off.”

I was sound asleep, and at around 6am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughters face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, “I want to peel all your skin off”.

The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep addled state however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn’t know if I was dreaming, or what was going on.

8. “When You Die, I’m Going To Eat You.”

My sons were about 2 and 4 when their pet goldfish died. I attempted to use the situation as an opportunity to discuss death and mortality. After I finished my explanation, my four year looked up at me with his big, blue eyes and asked, “Mommy, someday, will you die?” My heart filled with love and a little sadness, knowing this was one of those pivotal moments when the first bit of childhood innocence was lost,and I told him yes, someday, mommy will die.

“Good,” he said with a totally deadpan expression, and walked out of the room.

Later when we were about to flush the fish, he asked if we could eat him instead. I said no, we don’t eat pets because we love them, and he said, “When you die, I’m going to eat you.”

9. “Carson Is Gone, I Am Rick.”

When my son was little he, maybe 3, he used to do this weird crawl where he would slide his forehead along the floor. That was pretty creepy in itself. Then one night he crawled across the hallway into my room like that and stood up a few inches from my face and made a weird meow sound. He got into bed with me and went to sleep.

Another time he was freaking out about a monster in the basement so we went down and saw nothing, of course, and as I turned out the light and headed upstairs and he said “Hes right behind us now.” I might have peed a little.

Possibly the creepiest thing he did was one day I scolded him for misbehaving so he hid his head under his blanket. I pretended I couldn’t find him by saying “Where is my little Carson?” He slowly lowered the blanket and with a dead evil stare said, “Carson is gone, I am Rick.” I’m certain he’s possessed. We never knew any Ricks, as far I can remember. Still don’t. Never figured out where he picked up the name.

10. “I Died And Now I’m Here.”

Getting my two and a half year old daughter out of the bath one night, my wife and I were briefing her on how important it was she kept her privates clean. She casually replied “Oh, nobody ‘scroofs’ me there. They tried one night. They kicked the door in and tried but I fought back. I died and now I’m here.” She said this like it was nothing.

My wife and I were catatonic.

11. Baby Brother

“So I shouldn’t throw him in the fire?”

3 year old daughter holding her baby brother for the first time.

12. The Pretty Girl At The Cottage

My 3 year old nephew was at my cottage. He’s asked me numerous times about the “girl over there” while pointing at one of the back bedrooms. The place is small, and there is definitely nobody there so I just dismiss it as a really active imagination (he has lots of imaginary friends).

Then some friends are visiting and they have a daughter around the same age. She has never met my nephew. Twice in the one day she asked about the “pretty girl” while pointing at the exact same room. Definitely caught me out and I didn’t know what to think.

Then at Christmas my family was over at my place and my nephew points at a picture of my wife and asks if she is coming to visit us here or does she just stay at the cottage. My wife died ten years ago. Personally I don’t really believe in paranormal stuff so it’s probably just my logical brain putting together a bunch of kids ramblings but it definitely got my attention.

13. “He’s Behind You Now.”

“Go back to sleep, there isn’t anything under your bed”.

“He’s behind you now”.

Still haven’t gotten over that one and shiver at the memory.

14. “He’s Coming For You. You Better Hide.”

While not something my own child has said, my younger cousin (around 5 at the time) once drew a picture of a a black monster, looked up at me, and said “He told me to draw this. He’s coming for you. You better hide.”

15. “You Will Put Me Down, Down, Down In The Hole.”

I have a three year old who says some pretty strange stuff….

Last night: “Mommy.. the man, the very big man with big yellow eyes is looking at you.”

I look.. nothing. I tell him there is no man and he is make-believe. My son laughs, “Oh he is hiding now.” — 2 minutes later, “Oh no Mommy, you made him very mad. Now he says he will come when you are sleeping.”

Few weeks ago he tells me, “I’m not going to be four. I’m going to die. And you will put me down, down, down in the hole.” I tell him that isn’t true, and who told him that. He gets quiet and goes, “The man told me. But I will be scared, so after three night-nights you die too and come with me.”

Sheesh. As if I didn’t have bad dreams already.

16. “Daddy, I Love You So Much That I Want To Cut Your Head Off.”

A friend of mine’s child told him “Daddy, I love you so much that I want to cut your head off and carry it around so I can see your face whenever I want.”

17. The Bad Man

Why are you crying?

“Bad man”

What bad man?

“There.” Points behind me at a dark corner of the room

Lamp on bookshelf next to said darkened corner falls off as soon as I turn to look.

She slept in our bed that night

18. Ham Can’t Scream

When I was a waitress, I watched a little girl (4ish) stab her plastic fork into her sandwich repeatedly, saying “die die die die die die”. When I asked her what she was doing (her mom was in the bathroom for a minute), she replied with a straight face, “I like to kill things, but mom says I shouldn’t. So I picked the ham because it can’t scream.”

19. Satan Wants To Meet You

A few months ago I asked me brother and his wife if their kids ever did any creepy. They both immediately looked at each other and seemed surprised that I had asked.

Apparently the last few couple of weeks they would hear my niece talking to herself in her bedroom. They assumed it was just her playful imagination so they didn’t give it much thought. One day however my brother asked her who she kept talking to, she said it was her new best friend Satan who visits her at her window every day. Her window is close to the ground so they were seriously concerned that there was someone actually going up to her window and kept a closer eye on her for the next few days.

Every single time they would hear her talking he would go outside to her windows but never found anyone. They began asking her more about his new friend and apart from his name being Satan she mentioned that he follows her everywhere she goes and that he promised her he will bring her a cake one day.

At a late cookout at my parents a week before they mentioned that, she took her mom outside to the backyard and pointed at the pitch black backyard and told her that her friend Satan was there and he wanted to meet her also. That made chills run down my spine since I was at that cookout also. After that they made her promise she wouldn’t talk to Satan anymore.

[brett-buckner-the-dirt]

“Quietly, I pushed the bedroom door open, expecting to see Samara oozing out from a sleeping bag like a mucus-covered grub worm, whispering SEVEN DAYS over and over again. Instead, I was confronted with a video for more horrific than any of the VHS clips from The Ring.”

It was a voice that pulled me from a restless sleep. It was soft and gentle – almost motherly.

At first, I thought it was a nightmare that woke me up … something about camping with a mumbling pink-haired teenager who shared in agonizing detail, every single thought that ran through her head; like someone had shoved a microphone in her brain, giving volume to her inner monologue.

“I’ve been listening to way too many podcasts,” I said to no one, save for the dog snoring in the darkness.

Plus, there was lots of tapping, like fake fingernails on aluminum.

My room is noisy at night. A notoriously light sleeper, I employ a cacophony to help me fall asleep and stay asleep. I’ve got a noise machine set rainstorm – complete with thunder – and my TV’s set on a timer to Forensic Files. I can’t hear it, but I can watch it. I also rely on a heroic dose of melatonin, all with varying degrees of success.

Yet something caused me to stir, and it wasn’t a dream. It was 2:28 a.m. Still groggy, I turned off all my devices, and lay in silence, watching the shadows dance across the wall animated by the TV flickering in Jellybean’s room.

Just as I was about to nod off, chalking the whole mess up to an overactive, horror movie-fueled imagination, I heard it again – the whispering followed by light tapping or scratching.

I could practically see little Danny Glick from Salem’s Lot. He was a newly reborn kid vampire, floating outside his best friend’s bedroom, enveloped in fog and still in his pajamas, pleading to be let in by scratching at the window.

I was seriously creeping myself out.

This is what happens when your world view is mostly informed by horror movies. And like the bimbo in a slasher flick, I went to investigate the disembodied voice. The closer I got to Jellybean’s room, the clearer the voice became. It was like hearing one side of a secret conversation.

“When did you get to the campgrounds? Yesterday? … I admire that you’ve been here longer. Have you hit the hot springs?”

I was all about busting in there, ready to catch her talking on the phone to some boy when she was supposed to be asleep. Then I realized, Jellybean was 11 years old. She didn’t like boys, let alone talk to them. She didn’t have a phone, and this wasn’t 1988, when kids actually talked on the phone.

Quietly, I pushed the bedroom door open, expecting to see Samara oozing out from a sleeping bag like a mucus-covered grub worm, whispering SEVEN DAYS over and over again. Instead, I was confronted with a video for more horrific than any of the VHS clips from The Ring.

It was ASMR.

ASMR is the latest craze to sweep across the intellectual cesspool that is YouTube.

“Autonomous sensory meridian response, commonly referred as ASMR, is an experience characterized by a static-like or tingling sensation on the skin that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. It has been compared with auditory-tactile synesthesia and may overlap with frisson.”

That’s a Wikipedia way of saying, ASMR is supposed to be like a brain massage.

Nope. That doesn’t begin to describe how freakin’ weird it is, especially when it’s poisoning your dreams like Freddy Kreuger on Open Mic Night. 

ASMR on YouTube is creepier than Momo popping up in an episode of Peppa Pig and makes as much sense as eating Tide Pods or snorting condoms.

But unlike those Internet hoaxes (Sorry Facebook worry warts, Momo is not trying to kill your children. None of those things were actual concerns until moral crusaders turned them into the latest version of Satanic Panic), ASMR is real, and Jellybean is obsessed with it.

As a side note, Jellybean, whose never seen an actual Momo video, astutely pointed out that Momo looks just like Shelly Duvall as Wendy Torrance in The Shining.

Mingling alongside parodies of Ariana Grande’s 7 Rings, 24 Hours spent in a Hot Tub Challenges, Avril Lavigne is Dead conspiracies and Most Savage Texts Ever videos are those dedicated to ASMR.

Here is an honest to God list straight from Jellybean’s YouTube viewing history, of some of the ASMR videos she’s incorporated into her bedtime routine:

ASMR – Lice Check

ASMR – Opening a Checking Account

ASMR – Mommy Cleans Your Ears

ASMR – Relaxing Hair Color Changing

ASMR – Dreaming Tattoo Parlor

I haven’t seen so many fetish videos this side of Pornhub.

Listening to these – for research purposes – with my eyes closed, I imagined Bob Ross – he of the “little trees” painting tutorials – talking over my shoulder, whispering a bedtime story, his beard tickling my ear.

I jump up screaming.

Jellybean swears AMSR videos are relaxing, but the damn things weird me out.

It’s not just at night where these videos creep in. Jellybean now ASMRs everything. We go to the bookstore and she’s flipping book pages by her ear. At the movies, she’s squeezing a Twizzlers wrapper, and at home … Sweet Baby Christmas, save me from zippers and Velcro!

I do find a sad comfort in the fact that Jellybean’s not alone in her obsession.

There are currently about 5.2 million ASMR videos on YouTube with YouTube searches for ASMR having grown more than 200 percent since 2015. On its own, a top ASMR video can attract over 16 million views, according to Google Trends.

16,000,000.

ASMRtists (Yep, that’s what they call themselves) use props, especially food products, to create the tingly effect – crinkling wrappers, chewing candy, cracking open cans. (A search for “beer ASMR” on YouTube returned more than 81,000 results … just sayin’.)

Sure, I don’t have to watch them and can easily ignore the tapping and whispering. But like a big, fat, hairy spider crawling across the ceiling in the next room, I know it’s there.

I could pull a Nancy Reagan and “just say no” to ASMR, demanding Jellybean find something else soothing to watch before bed. But unlike crack, there’s nothing exactly wrong with ASMR, other than annoying me.

Come to think of it, so does Flossing, face tattoos, gender reveal parties, ripped jeans, kale, and Logan Paul. Since those are all still a thing, I’ll just take ASMR like a shot of Goldschläger – grit my teeth, blink back the tears and wait for the nausea to pass.

There are worse things than being awoken by a teenager whispering about camping … actually going camping.

                My ASMR Nightmare (and soon it’ll be yours) "Quietly, I pushed the bedroom door open, expecting to see Samara oozing out from a sleeping bag like a mucus-covered grub worm, whispering…

[presleepthoughts]

Power of the Internet 2

Hey, guys :) I wrote a sequel. You should read the first one before reading this. You can find it here.

Summary: Confessing my feelings for Beca - Chloe Beale.

Hope you enjoy it :D

Chloe ran around her apartment frantically, looking for her keys that she knew were hiding somewhere in plain sight. She was running late as usual. She checked her living room, bedroom, even inside the fridge because sadly it happened before then stopped and took a deep breath. She looked around herself and suddenly glanced at the key holder on the wall and deadpanned. 

Of course, the one time she actually placed the keys where they were supposed to be that’s when she couldn’t find them. Shaking off her thoughts, she ripped the keys away and glanced back toward the little puppy standing in the hallway, watching her with the saddest eyes Chloe ever saw. 

“Aw, mommy will be back soon, baba. You’re gonna get you shots tomorrow then we’re going on the biggest walk ever, okay?” She cooed sweetly and opened her door, stepping out into the sun and walking to her car. 

She set up her camera on the dashboard safely and buckled up. Pressing record, she smiled bright into the lenses. 

“Good morning.” She sing-songed cheerfully. “Sorry, if I look a little insane. I couldn’t find my keys this morning and I ran around the house like a maniac, Bella probably thought I was crazy but long story short, I did lock the house.” She held up the keys for proof. 

“Anyway...I’m actually going to take you guys to a very special place today.” Chloe’s tone went up in pitch as her excitement grew. “I’ve been literally begging her for months now to let me see it but she was a tough cookie to crack but as you can probably guess it, I did.” Chloe smirked. “Beca invited me to come to the studio and have a look around! Isn’t that the best? Isn’t she the best?”

She could jump from joy in the driver seat but instead she turned on the engine, preparing to back out from the driveway. “I’m so excited. But first, we’re going to Starbucks to grab her and me a coffee because I just can’t function and then we’re gonna get a tour! I’ll see you in a little bit.” Chloe winked playfully and shot off the recording, and pulled away from her house and onto the highway.

Twenty minutes later, she reached the studio’s security gate and after giving the guy her name, she was let in easily. Beca was already waiting for her in front of the back door, rubbing her hands together. 

Chloe let her eyes wander over her outfit, Beca’s signature black ripped t-shirt with equally ripped black jeans made Chloe took in a deep breath. She looked insanely hot to the redhead. Parking the car, Chloe grabbed her stuff and turned on her camera, focusing on Beca’s frame. 

She skipped the few meters between them and giggled, wrapping her arms around her shoulder but making sure she was capturing the moment. Ever since their first video together, her fans were going ballistic over their relationship even thought, they informed them it was platonic. The fans made up a ship name for them as well, some of them calling them Bhloe which was just weird but Chloe appreciated the pun but her favorite was Bechloe. She liked the sound of that.

“Hey, stranger.” Chloe smiled, squeezing her tightly. Chloe got into a habit of calling Beca stranger after her title vidoe

“Hey, weirdo.” Beca greeted back and circled her arms around her waist, placing her chin on Chloe’s shoulder. This girl waltzed into her life and completely changed it for the better. 

Not trusting herself to not sniff Chloe’s strawberry scented hair, Beca quickly pulled away and a black camera was instantly in her eye of sight. 

“Arg, Chloe, again? You know I don’t like being filmed.” Beca whined but did nothing to shield her face and kept looking at the girl who grinned playfully. 

“Too bad because my - or should I say our fans now loves seeing you.” Chloe purposefully inched closer the device to Beca’s face, laughing when the girl pushed her hand away. “Beca say hi.” 

“Hey.” Beca said awkwardly, switching her gaze between the lenses and Chloe’s eyes. “I still not sure where to look. I feel weird.” 

Chloe smiled sweetly. “Just look at me. You’re fine.” Deep blue orbs met ocean blue ones as Beca already felt calmer. 

“Ar - are you ready for the tour?” Beca asked after a moment of silence and Chloe’s smile returned to its full potential. 

Chloe opened up her door, ushering in Beca first before kicking it close behind her, Bella had the tendency of escaping every opportunity she has to play in the dirt outside. The little puppy barked out loud, waving his tail excitedly and jumping up and down in front of Beca. 

The brunette instantly kneeled down and got attack by Bella, licking every inch of her face she could reach. Chloe smiled fondly at the scene as she quickly grabbed her camera and pointed at the pair. As soon as Beca met Bella, they both fell in love with each other.

“Hey, babyyy...I missed you too. Yeah I did.” Beca cooed uncharacteristically as Chloe circled around them while pouting.

“Hey, I didn’t get this kind of treatment. Didn’t you miss me? I’m jealous.” She asked halfhearted hurt tone slipping into her voice. The album Beca was working on for months fastly approached its deadline so the girl worked her butt off, often not having enough time to spend with the redhead. 

Beca looked up from her place on the floor, hands busy patting the puppy who still hasn’t calmed down. “I saw you a week ago. I haven’t seen her in a month. There’s a difference.” Beca commented before smirking. “Plus she’s way cuter than you.” 

Chloe gasped. “How dare you? You take that back, Beca Mitchell. Now!” 

Beca stuck out her tongue at the redhead. “Sorry can’t do. It’s on camera.” 

“You know I edit my own videos, right? I can make you look like a jerk. Or worse...the sweetest person ever.” Chloe threatened jokingly, camera still recording. 

“No, we can’t have that.” Beca played along and with one final kiss on Bella’s head, stood up. “What can I do to change your mind?” 

Chloe tilted her head, pretending to think before a smile blossomed on her lips. “You can be in my Q&A today. I got a bunch of questions about you.” 

“I still don’t get it, dude.” Beca glanced down at the floor. “Why am I such a big deal to your fans? I’m nothing interesting.” 

Unconsciously, Chloe lowered her camera, an unreadable expression on her features. “I’m really sad you can’t see how amazing you are. But it’s okay because I’ll spend everyday telling it to you.”

“Hello, guys and welcome back to my channel. Today I’m joined by the lovely and talented, Beca Mitchell. Say hi, Beca.” Chloe said cheerfully and shook her head when Beca awkwardly waved before averting her eyes. 

The pair were sitting on Chloe’s couch against the wall while the camera was in front of them set up in a tripod. Chloe had her phone in her hand, while Bella took residents on Beca’s lap, sleeping the day away. 

“You guys sent us some questions on Twitter and we’ll do our best to answer all of them.” Chloe glanced at Beca for assurance. “But we probably can’t because you sent us thousands but we’ll try. Anyway, let’s get started.”

“First question. Where did you guys meet?” Chloe smiled excitedly and looked at Beca. “I’ll let you answer this one.” 

“Why?” Beca asked, adjusting Bella’s foot to not dig into her stomach. 

“Because otherwise you won’t talk and I’ll ramble away like I usually do and then it won’t be a joint Q&A. Plus, they want to get to know you as well as me.” 

Beca rolled her eyes but obliged. “Fine. We met at our park but we didn’t really meet that day. You were talking to your camera like a weirdo -”

“As one does.” 

“- then your crazy fans thought we were dating so you messaged me on Twitter and we met in a coffee shop.” 

“And the rest is history.” Chloe nodded. “That’s right. Good job.” She held out her hand for a high-five and Beca reluctantly give her one. 

“Okay, next question. What’s the dumbest way you injured yourself?” Chloe read the question from her phone. “Tripping over my own feet, probably. You?”

Beca looked down at the floor and blushed. “Falling off a couch?” 

Chloe furrowed her eyebrow. “How can you fall off a couch? Were you drunk?”

“No.” Beca sighed. “From jumping up and down.” 

“Beca, everybody’s done that when they were young.” Chloe said.

“I - I wasn’t a kid.”

“How old were you?” Chloe’s features lit up in amusement as Beca tired to dodge answering the question. 

“That wasn’t the question!” Beca shrieked making a laugh bubble out from Chloe’s mouth. 

“Okay, fine I don’t have to say it. But I’m definitely getting the answer out from you once we’re done.” 

Beca rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through Bella’s smooth fur. “Next question, please?”

“What movie can you watch over and over without ever getting tired of?” Chloe said, turning to the camera. “For me, every disney movie ever. No reason, no preference just put it on and I’m yours.” 

“Wow, you’re easy.” Beca teased earning a hard shove from the redhead before answering the question. “I don’t like movies thus I don’t watch them over and over again.”

Chloe pointedly looked at the camera. “Yeah, guys I know. I didn’t believe at first either but sadly it is really true. I tried to take her out to movies or have girls night a couple of times and each time I couldn’t convince her to watch one movie. One! I was miserable.” 

“Hey!” Beca protested, leaning forward slightly but careful not to disturb the sleeping animal. “What about me? You tried to use your puppy dog eyes on me and it took everything in me not to cave.” She turned to the lenses. “She has like a superpower with her eyes. Once you meet her and she looks at you, you’d be struggling to say no to her.” 

Chloe grinned. “But I only use it for good cause, right?” 

“Well, you use it on me everything time we meet to get what you want so no.” Beca grudged.

Chloe’s face fell slightly. “Okay, you make me sound like a terrible person.” 

Beca’s eyes widened as she snapped her head to the redhead and she realized she went too far with her joke. She softened her features and danced her fingers on Chloe’s knuckles on the couch. “I’m sorry. That’s not true, I’m just being a jerk.” 

“It’s okay.” Chloe replied, sending a gentle smile at Beca. She grinned down at her phone when Beca didn’t pull her hand away. “Okay. Are you ticklish?” 

Beca physically shivered at the words before unconvincingly shook her head. “N-no. Absolutely not.” 

Chloe’s eyes twinkled with revenge as she slowly lowered her phone and watched as Beca’s eyes fill with terror. “I don’t believe you. Prove it.” 

“Ch-Chloe, no...I - I have your dog! You can’t do anything to me when I have your dog on my lap. That’s animal abuse!” Beca’s tone grew fearful seeing the predator gaze directed at her and as a last resort, grabbed Bella around her belly and shielded her body from Chloe’s wondering fingers. 

“Beca.” Chloe’s voice were calm and collected but Beca didn’t buy it for a second. “Put my dog down or else...”

“O-or else what?” 

Chloe didn’t bother saying the threat out loud and instead let out a playful war cry and jumped on the Beca and started tickling her mid-section. The girl let out a loud scream and squirmed violently and accidentally releasing Bella from her hold, the puppy landing on the floor. Now that she didn’t have anything to protect herself, she slid down the couch, pulling Chloe with her. 

The redhead was relentless with her torture, straddling Beca’s waist and trapping the girl underneath her. She grabbed her wrists and pinned them over her head, both of them out of breath and breathing heavily. 

Suddenly the air grew thick with tension as both girls were highly aware of their close proximity but nobody moved a muscle. Beca couldn’t believe Chloe’s eyes could been anymore blue but looking at them now...her breath caught into her throat. Chloe’s chest heaved, flickering her gaze between Beca’s mouth and eyes before leaning down slowly and gently pressing her lips to Beca’s. The brunette responded to the kiss and Chloe finally let herself smile. 

Pulling away, Beca buried her face into Chloe’s shoulder and murmured. “I can’t believe we kissed for the first time on camera.” 

Chloe laughed carefully and let Beca’s wrist go, wrapping her arms around her. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll edit it out. Our first kiss should be ours.”

[davids69811]

Ayurvedician - Ayurvedic Doctor

Ayurvedic Physician, ayurveda medical professional, ayurvedic physician or medical professional of ayurveda -all are same. These are the terms used to describe a medical professional, physician or healthcare carrier that is proficient in the system of Ayurveda.  Sutraveda Bamboo Cutlery

Ayurveda is an old recovery science rooting in India. Its background goes as much back as 5000 years. The science utilizes lots of herbs, minerals, treatments, fruits and vegetables to heal numerous health conditions. Unfortunately, in India, the majority of Ayurvedic Doctors method allopathy, which in several states of the country, is prohibited. The people who come for Ayurveda Medical Tourist must be really careful while selecting Ayurveda Doctor for Ayurvedic Consultancy to diagnose as well as treat their health and wellness ailments.

Ayurveda, regrettably in India, is not regularized and also managed by Health and wellness Ministry. That is why, you may find several quacks exercising unjustified solutions as well as treatments as Ayurveda. Internationally, Ayurveda has actually been stained as merely a hefty steel products' scientific research, which is certainly not the reality. Ayurveda is a popular clinically confirmed scientific research that works with the source of the condition as well as not simply treating the symptoms and signs.

When you meet any type of Ayurvedician, checkout the qualification and also ask for the degree-registration number. An ayurvedic doctor must be registered with a regional along with nationwide board of Ayurveda (The Department of AYUSH, Government of India). A typical ayurvedician is capable of inspecting the pulse (naadi-in ayurveda) and also should be able to examine the doshas involved in illness. As soon as the root cause is detected, an Ayurvedician ought to have the understanding of pacifying the disease (doshas) without creating any damage to various other physical systems. Using natural herbs, treatments as well as various components in Ayurveda is very vital as it is based on the problem and also level of illness as well as diseased.

Unlike modern-day medications and therapies, Ayurveda does not have an usual therapy for the exact same disease occurred in 2 various individuals. Ayurvedician ought to have the ability to differentiate various signs and symptoms and should think about person's prakriti (natural features) depending upon which, the treatment, diet and various other programs can be made a decision.

Ayurvedic Herbal Medicines: A Rising Demand of the Products

Ayurvedic organic medicines get on high needs nowadays; it is boosting extremely rapidly around the globe. Rising demand of these medicines has actually set off a substantial financial investment this area of clinical scientific research.

Clinical science has been really standard component of well-informed human culture. Everybody drops ill and also needs medical support to get back to regular life. There have actually been numerous kinds of medical kinds and also therapies from older ages. Ayurvedic is one of such ancient forms of clinical scientific researches which started from the Indian subcontinent and also made great payments to the human as well as animal health and wellness. It is based upon hill natural herbs mainly from Himaliyan arrays; these herbs include Ashwagandha, Karela, Brahmi, Amalki, Lasuna, Neem, Tulasi, and also much more. Indian individuals are working throughout the globe in a huge number; ayurvedic organic medicines being the essential component of their life has ended up being a crucial variable to increase the impacts of this form of medical scientific research.

There are many excellent factors for the raising need of these sorts of medications; few of them are mentioned right here. These medicines are directly extracted from herbs as well as treated naturally, consequently have an extremely negligible negative effects that is the most preferable aspect for a person. A big amount is being spent to standardize the procedures and also indicate them under contemporary digital systems; thus constructing the confidence of customer in this type medicine.

Lots of Universities and medical institutes are being developed to educate this form of medical science. A big number of allopathic pharmaceutical are spending and also manufacturing these medications. Ongoing R&D is taking place in different parts of the world to improve as well as systematize this kind of medical scientific research. Advertising techniques are being created to advertise ayurvedic organic medicines; it is being done locally and around the world through legacy media as well as internet marketing. Medical regulatory authorities are issuing the certifications to this kind of medication and also placing under specified standard wellness concepts and policies. Logistics and on-line buying of this medication has raised the demand all over the world. There are many on the internet medication selling shops as well as ayurvedic consultancies offered which are increasing the demand of the very same. These medications are also being just as made use of for animals and also animals to enhance their health and also productivity; particularly in the domain name of milk sector.

Discover Ayurvedic Medical Professional For Ayurveda Therapy - Some Tips

Discovering Ayurvedic doctor or physician for Ayurvedic treatment is not a pretty huge amount! You can merely browse the term 'search Ayurveda doctor' as well as you obtain checklist of health care providers who exercise Ayurveda. You can find an Ayurveda physician to assist treating the stubborn illness that have actually not responded to various other systems of medication.

Ayurvedician (add this to your dictionary! A brand-new terms now in operation for Ayurvedic doctor) is one that diagnoses damaging health condition in an Ayurvedic method. Ayurveda, the life sciences of recovery health and wellness ailments, is probably the oldest clinical science rooting its history as back as 5000 years! Today, Ayurveda is not only exercised in its mommy country (India) however is rather prominent worldwide. Specifically, Ayurved Panchakarma (5 body cleansing treatments) has actually gained a skyrocketing popularity around the world.

With every pro, there would be a con as well as hence, there has actually been a danger of entering incorrect hands when you look for Ayurved treatment delicately. As more and more people now select natural recovery therapies or treatments, a look for Ayurvedic medical professional is quite a common company online. When you search Ayurveda medical professional, there is constantly a possibility to entering a wrong person's working as a consultant. Allow us take a look at some crucial factors regarding just how to locate Ayurved doctor or discover Ayurvedic expert -

# 1 Instead of thinking on SERP (search engine web page outcomes) try to trace out the reliability of the physician. An individual who is initially on the outcome web page not always to be a real one and an individual at 10th web page does not constantly imply that he is a quack.

# 2 Check out for the enrollment number (if not discussed, ask the doctor) and also make certain that physician of Ayurved is registered with federal government identified college or health board.

# 3 If you are aiming to join Ayurvedic center for education and learning on Indian Holistic Medicinal Scientific research (for instance some short term program on Ayurveda), make sure that no such physician is authorized by local wellness ministry to offer a certificate. Nonetheless, it does not indicate that you won't obtain genuine Ayurvedic expertise.

# 4 While seeking advice from all natural doctor, be sure about the expenditure (assessment fees etc) prior to you really enter into the therapy.

# 5 Ask for some recommendation before you start Ayurvedic treatment. You may request on the internet references as well as testimonies. However, you can not trust them totally.

# 6 Search for out various other work done by natural recovery physician in the very same field. You can inquire about his online work and also various other activities to improve references.

# 7 Confirm the chat or email issue that you had with Ayurvedic doctor on the phone. When you talk with an individual, you know the real 'depth'!

If you find genuine Ayurveda physician for Ayurveda treatment, you may ask yourself with the results that this all-natural healing age-old scientific research can obtain you. However, selecting your healthcare company is what all matters.

Yoga and also Ayurvedic Treatments - A Connection In Between Mind and Body

As the globe is creating in technology everyday we are relocating far from nature. We have actually diminished nature's every present, contaminated the atmosphere with deforestation. Nature is reacting on us in the type of all-natural catastrophes as well as particular conditions. Additionally in this fast pace life, we don't enable our body to combat with any type of ailment and take guy made medicines neglecting that the exact same nature has treatment for all disruptions. In such adverse situations yoga exercise as well as ayurveda still reveals a want to be gotten in touch with nature. This supplies therapy for almost all diseases.

Yoga and also ayurvedic treatments have a different strategy that function not only on disease but looks for out origin hence eliminating it completely. Yoga exercise is very efficient in supporting nervous disorders, anxiety, irregularity, decreasing stress and anxiety as well as anxiety, eliminating exhaustion and even helpful in illness like cancer cells and also aids. Yoga exercise therapies include a no. of workouts, asana, chanting of concepts, reflection, and also etc. Ayurvedic treatments include massage therapy, ayurvedic face rejuvenation, shirodhara, as well as numerous other oil therapies.

Different postures during yoga consist of sitting, standing or lying down to relax your muscular tissues as well as other body components. Reflection is the most effective way to minimize stress. Here stability is established between body and mind and slowly your mind ends up being so free that you really feel to be existing there just literally and mind roams in deep space. This offers you a terrific relaxation as well as makes you really feel active. Various asana during yoga exercise fills you with a various power and also power.

While in ayurvedic treatments, poisonous substances from body are minimized or gotten rid of through various ayurvedic remedies. These solutions are prepared from utilizing a selection of herbs, minerals and at some point a couple of animal items also. Ayurveda thinks that body is made of Vata, Pitta as well as Kapha. Any type of discrepancy in these three is the major root cause of diseases in a specific, so ayurvedic therapies constantly attempt to bring them in harmony. Ayurveda not just keeps you healthy and balanced however likewise gorgeous as well as eye-catching by making your skin healthy, glossy and also radiance.

Lots of people think that yoga exercise therapy just consists of couple of exercises that you can do yourself and can be healthy and balanced. But its not so, there are numerous technical strategies to embrace yoga exercise therapy. If you adopt it home with no guidelines after that take care due to the fact that one wrong movement can make you still for the lifetime. Otherwise a yoga exercise instructor, you can take into consideration net, books and any type of various other sources. Furthermore yoga is not the option of all the diseases. Though a mastered yogic can locate treatment for any stated conditions yet you ought to not try yoga exercise for any type of diseases with no assessments.

Ayurvedic Consultation - Get in Touch With Ayurvedic Specialist For A Better Fight With Conditions

It's the human tendency to take advice from a great deal of individuals if beginning with a brand-new job. You constantly become mindful so as to stay clear of any harm and also loss. As well as when it pertains to your health your issue ends up being double layer. Whether it's allopathic, ayurvedic or homeopathy you constantly pick the most effective for you. And when it is ayurvedic you have to remain in routine contact with your specialist. Ayurvedic consultation is really crucial factor to get the very best outcomes.

Whenever you decide to take ayurvedic treatment for your illness, it's not a someday browse through to your ayurvedic medical professional. For an appropriate medical diagnosis, you have to take a proper ayurvedic appointment and also visit your medical professional a no. of times just after that he can examine your problem clearly. Your very first go to plays a really vital function due to the fact that in this only you make your medical professional know about yourself.

When you see first time to an ayurvedic physician, he will certainly firstly try to determine your initial constitution also termed as prakruti and after that your current state of doshas labelled as vikruti. This is done by utilizing numerous techniques and also assessment approaches. This helps in developing a proper graph of your medical diagnosis as well as more treatment as necessary. Originally he will recognize every little thing pertaining to you, your mental state, emotional part, spiritual side, social behavior and so on. These things play a very vital function in ayurveda besides medicines.

After your initial visit he will guide you for your basic regular, like your eating routines, your lifestyle, as well as your sleeping habits. They will certainly recommend you with a healthy and balanced diet and some yoga and exercises including meditation. They can additionally offer you organic therapy via herbal medicines or some ayurvedic treatments like massage, revealing body to sun or air and so on. Ayurvedic treatments are offered to remove the toxins from your body after taking into consideration every minute information of your own like age, health, setting, your allergic reactions and so on

. In the succeeding visits, your specialist will check out the changes within you with the guidelines suggested by him. According to that he grows his understanding of your body constitution as well as all the internal and also outside variables impacting you. With this, he will certainly determine what works on you and what better extra factors are needed. Some of the precautions during such brows through consists of adhering to all the guidelines of your medical professional appropriately as well as taking medications in a timely manner. One point extremely crucial during your consultation is that you must not hesitate to tell any type of issue to your professional. Since in ayurveda, lots of diseases with exact same signs have different cures.

[xnspy-blog]

A Guide to Successful Parenting & Remote Working during the Pandemic

Families not only across the country but worldwide have been in lockdown and forced to stay in their homes to curb the spread of the coronavirus. Parents and children are cooped up at their homes and have to continue with lives, including schooling and even jobs confined within their homes. The situation could be quite a handful for two-parent families, where both the spouses are working remotely. It becomes more difficult for single parents or those who have kids with special needs.

It gets difficult for parents to have kids with them all the time with their never-ending energy and demand for attention. It is particularly difficult for young children, especially those who are bored easily and are not too happy with the situation, where they cannot meet their friends or go out in the park to play. Then, some teenagers had just entered this age and are missing their freedom, hanging out with friends, and feeling resentful of everything. And since this age is tough for both parents and teens, teens are having a hard time being around their parents 24/7, the people they don’t want to be around at this age (which is normal during adolescence).

Remote working while parenting kids can present a series of challenges. There are difficulties in maintaining focus and productivity, new tech setups, communication with the team, and above all, the constant distraction of the kids. But with some planning and structuring your day, you can be productive and manage to parent too.

Here is your survival guide for you so you can juggle both effective parenting and productive remote working:

Your Work Station

The first thing you need to do is find a sunny room and a quiet room, preferably with a door. See that you have a proper desk or chair, as it is essential for your posture. You could clear out a shelf or the dining room table, so you have a dedicated workspace. Those with babies and toddlers could set up in the nursery so they can keep an eye on them.

Invest in a headset that has a noise-canceling microphone and mute button to block out noise in case your children begin to fight, or your pets start to get noisy while you are taking calls.

Make Schedules and Stick to Them

Make a routine and stick to it religiously. Because social distancing and living in quarantine is going to be here for a while, so to have mental peace and the ability to get things done, you cannot survive without a routine. For those who live alone, they don’t have to do much. They can work all day long in their pajamas. But for remote working parents, having a routine and schedule is a must for juggling kids and work. Not to mention their sanity.

It is a tough time for children as well. So, you have to make them understand why they can’t go to school and study at home, and why you, (mommy/daddy), has to work from home. Create a structure for children. Depending on their age, write a schedule and then put it on the refrigerator, a place they can easily see it and read it. You can explain to them when you are working and when they should expect to have lunch, snacks, or just a fun time. Explain that you need to do some work, and they can help by giving you some peace. The schedule can vary according to your children’s age. For older kids, it can incorporate their homeschooling and online classes. With a proper routine, your children are less likely to disturb you. When you are in an online meeting or taking a business call, you can use a sign that says open and closed at your workstation.

Work in the early morning or late evenings

If you are lucky enough to have flexible timings and you only need to complete your work and not stay glued to a desk and chair, try to do most of your work in the early morning or late evenings. With kids up and about, and around you, of course, doing creative work is almost impossible. So, try to get most of your work that requires quiet and concentration early morning or later in the evening.

Give space to your child

It may sound odd. But if kids are at home, it doesn’t mean that you have to be with them at all times. Unless they are small. It is alright to leave your kids along. You could check up on them on and off. Help them in learning how to entertain themselves using books, crafts, hobbies like gardening and playing in the yard. You don’t have to do every activity with them nor be around them all the time. Let them find ways to keep themselves engaged, get creative, and invent things to do.

Make some instant snacks and drinks for your kids. Fill up a snack basket also so they can munch on something and not rely on you for everything. Keep some food in the bottom shelf to grab milk or juice box, cheese sticks, some bite-sized fruit, and vegetables, among other finger food.

Divide responsibilities with your spouse

It all boils down to sharing responsibilities, so none of the partners gets burnout. If both parents are working from home, they need to divide the duties and chores among themselves. Also, since it is a time when our routines and schedules changing due to the pandemic, ask your older children for help if you have. It is unrealistic for the managers to expect people to work on a regular 8-hour shift. Working from home is a lot different than working at the office. So, spouses should decide the schedule for the day the night before. And assign tasks according to the availability of different times of the day.

Splitting up the day with your spouse is necessary and could help you both in lessening the burden, especially if both of you are working full-time.

Do not get overboard with using technology as a babysitter

Many parents are guilty of allowing too much screen time and gadget use to the kids so they can keep the child engaged and distracted. And this may have increased since they have too much time on their hands nowadays. Parents, in an attempt to catch a break, frequently use TV, iPads, and smartphones as digital babysitters.

Although the present times are tough, parents should lighten up a bit and cut themselves some slack. If their kids are using screens more than usual, they should not forgo the idea of digital monitoring altogether. Limitations and necessary rules should always be in place. So, rather than checking up constantly on them to see if they are using a device, you can take a remote approach and monitor them from your workstation’s desk.

Yes, you use the parental monitoring app Xnspy that gives parents an insight into their kids’ digital footprint. You have to install the app on their phones and keep an eye on their phone activities that include text messages, call logs, emails, multimedia, locations, calendar entries, and a lot more. But during the current scenario, access to web browsing history and access to internet activities comes in handy the most. You can see the most frequently visited websites and access their social media and instant messenger chats. You can also set alerts on particular words to be in the know and get alerts if anything inappropriate and problematic appears in chats or emails.

Take short breaks with children

See that you take short breaks of 10-20 minutes with your kids a couple of times a day. And during this time, they should have your undivided attention. Studies have found that kids flourish in short bursts when they have their parents’ attention.

Using all these valuable tips will let you be more productive and effectively carry out your parental responsibilities without burdening yourself.