#before i post another one of my poems

[sameschmidtdiffname]

My readers: Can I get some comfort and fluff with dick on the side? :3

Me, about to post some shit I wrote during the worst point of my life for shits and giggles because I'm over it now:

[goldensunset]

[onyxhellebore]

x

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

fuck I ran out of space in the tags so now I’m writing up here.

anyway. poem about the feeling of loss that comes with not being able to reminisce about a person, place, or relationship because no one left in your life shares those memories, and sharing it with someone new just isn’t the same.

putting ‘ personal ’ up here in hopes i can find this post again since it won’t fit in the tags

[astronicht]

Okay I'm almost done with Fellowship, here's an incomplete list of shit I noticed and thought was buck fucking wild on my first ever read-thru: medieval edition.

In literally the second line of the book, Tolkien implies that Bilbo Baggins wrote a story which was preserved alongside the in-universe version of the Mabinogion (aka the best-known collection of Welsh myths; I promise this is batshit). This is because The Hobbit has been preserved, in Tolkien's AU version of our world, in a "selection of the Red Book of Westmarch" (Prologue, Concerning Hobbits). If you're a medievalist and you see something called "The Red Book of" or "The Black Book of" etc it's a Thing. In this case, a cheeky reference to the Red Book of Hergest (Llyfr Coch Hergest). There are a few Red Books, but only Hergest has stories).

not a medieval thing but i did not expect one common theory among hobbits for the death of Frodo's parents to be A RUMORED MURDER-SUICIDE.

At the beginning of the book a few hobbits report seeing a moving elm tree up on the moors, heading west (thru or past the Shire). I mentioned this in another post, but another rule: if you see an elm tree, that's a Girl Tree. In Norse creation myth, the first people were carved from driftwood by the gods. Their names were Askr (Ash, as in the tree), the first man, and Embla (debated, but likely elm tree), the first woman. A lot of ppl have I think guessed that that was an ent-wife, but like. Literally that was a GIRL. TREE.

Medieval thing: I used to read the runes on the covers of The Hobbit and LOTR for fun when I worked in a bookshop. There's a mix of Old Norse (viking) and Old English runes in use, but all the ones I've noticed so far are real and readable if you know runes.

Tom Bombadil makes perfect sense if you once spent months of your life researching the early medieval art of galdor, which was the use of poems or songs to do a form of word-magic, often incorporating gibberish. If you think maybe Tolkien did not base the entirety of Fellowship so far around learning and using galdor and thus the power of words and stories, that is fine I cannot force you. He did personally translate "galdor" in Beowulf as "spell" (spell, amusingly, used to mean "story"). And also he named an elf Galdor. Like he very much did name an elf Galdor.

Tom Bombadil in fact does galdor from the moment we meet him. He arrives and fights the evil galdor (song) of the willow tree ("old gray willow-man, he's a mighty singer"), which is singing the hobbits to sleep and possibly eating them, with a galdor (song) of his own. Then he wanders off still singing, incorporating gibberish. I think it was at this point that I started clawing my face.

THEN Tom Bombadil makes perfect sense if you've read the description of the scop's songs in Beowulf (Beowulf again, but hey, Tolkien did famously a. translate it b. write a fanfiction about it called Sellic Spell where he gave Beowulf an arguably homoerotic Best Friend). The scop (pronounched shop) is a poet who sings about deeds on earth, but also by profession must know how to sing the song or tell the story of how the cosmos itself came to be. The wise-singer who knows the deep lore of the early universe is a standard trope in Old English literature, not just Beowulf! Anyway Tom Bombadil takes everyone home and tells them THE ENTIRE STORY OF ALL THE AGES OF THE EARTH BACKWARDS UNTIL JUST BEFORE THE MOMENT OF CREATION, THE BIG BANG ITSELF and then Frodo Baggins falls asleep.

Tom Bombadil knows about plate tectonics

This is sort of a lie, Tom Bombadil describes the oceans of old being in a different place, which works as a standard visual of Old English creation, which being Christian followed vaguely Genesis lines, and vaguely Christian Genesis involves a lot of water. TOLKIEN knew about plate tectonics though.

Actually I just checked whether Tolkien knew about plate tectonics because I know the advent of plate tectonics theory took forever bc people HATED it and Alfred Wegener suffered for like 50 years. So! actually while Tolkien was writing LOTR, the scientific community was literally still not sure plate tectonics existed. Tom Bombadil knew tho.

Remember that next time you (a geologist) are forced to look at the Middle Earth map.

I'm not even done with Tom Bombadil but I'm stopping here tonight. Plate tectonics got me. There's a great early (but almost high!) medieval treatise on cosmology and also volcanoes and i wonder if tolkien read it. oh my god. i'm going to bed.

edit: part II

[bokutosbabe]

Now I'm Covered In You

(bllk boys as boyfriends)

a / n — thought making another post in this form would be fun, so i hope you enjoy!

content — bllk characters x reader, gn! reader, pet names used in a few parts, sadly canon otoya i fear, misspelled words are there for a reason i swear, cheater! otoya and oliver, some characters repeated, lmk if i missed anything!

synopsis — bllk boys and what type of boyfriend they'd be

✿.｡. “ how's one to know? ” .｡.✿

—The Romantic One

is always planning surprises for you, and i mean always. there's not a single week where you aren't being taken on 'adventures' that always lead you to a different restaurant.

what's the point in having all this money and not spending it on you?

they are constantly writing you love letters and poems. well, they try to anyway. they're not the best with their words and with many spelling mistakes, rather liking to show with actions, but they tried for you.

usually their poems end up something like this

' roses are red

so is my heart

my darling

my deer

my sweet buttercup

you taste just like a

tasty soda pop '

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ ISAGI YOICHI, shido ryusei, jyubei aryu, ALEXIS NESS

— The Player

you know the famous saying, "how you get them is how you lose them?" yeah that's exactly how this relationship is.

you'd been one of their many side quests while they had a relationship going on. eventually after they'd ended said relationship, they'd chose you as their next partner.

they do spoil you with many gifts, mostly after you catch them cheating on you for the umpteenth time, but you stayed because they 'loved you'

sure they told you they loved you, but that wasn't really the case when they'd broken up with you because you were 'boring' them.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ OTOYA EITA, oliver aiku

— The Protector

is constantly worrying about you and is looking out for your safety.

with them being this 'big bad' soccer player, many people refuses to even look you in the eyes when you were with them. but if someone dared to hit on you when they walk off for a second? please pray for them.

some guy could be asking you for directions and he'd come up behind you and wrap an arm around you without even uttering a word. you didn't have to look at them to know the look they were giving the man was nothing but deadly.

some may call it controlling, but you knew them, they just wanted to keep you safe from all these men.

you had him, who else would you need?

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ KUNIGAMI RENSUKE, rin itoshi, SHOEI BARO, tabito karasu

— The Funny (insane) One

is constantly making jokes- some that aren't funny - but you laugh anyways.

everyone always asks you how your relationship is doing so well, and the answer is always, " i don't know," because you genuinely don't. yes, the two of you get into arguments, and sometimes the two of you get heated enough to have to take time apart from each other, but you always come back together.

how?

because they always forget what the fight was even about and come back into your space to show you some cat meme they believe you would like.

and the two of you laugh until you feel better again.

maybe you don't know how your relationship is so healthy, but you know why you're happy.

because they take the time to make you laugh.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ BACHIRA MEGURU, RYUSEI SHIDO, gin gagamaru, seishiro nagi

— The Traditional One

dates. Dates. DATES!!

they took you on soooo many dates before officially asking you to be their partner.

they definitely give the vibes of "my mom taught me i needed to..."

just the best gentleman!

you need to step over a puddle? they're putting their jacket down over it for you (it wasn't necessary, but they insisted on it)

you talked about wanting to see a movie once? he's already bought the tickets.

if you get married? he's insisting you stay home

" a pretty face like you doesn't need to work, i'll provide us everything." in his words

will do anything for you, really.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ YUKIMIYA KENYU, michael kaiser (pls ignore the mom part), REO MIKAGE, oliver aiku (again)

✿.｡. “ i'd meet you where the spirit meets the bone ” .｡.✿

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!!

[st-dionysus]

(The Poem is named) Emetophobia CW

It’s 2024 and I’m in a 20 year old drag bar, watching the very first trans-masculine performer to compete on their stage, he gets second place even though he deserved first.

I show up to the men’s bathhouse on trans night to get free entry and get turned away at the door, and told it’s for transgirls only, bitch you could have put it on the flyer that transmen need not apply.

I’m doing a line of ketamine off the table, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I get banned from the camsite for listing myself as transgender when I don’t have a dick, I complain online and get told that the trans-masculine body is to grotesque to be fetishized and I should be grateful.

I wear a packer and hitch up a skirt, walk the street, get $20, calling it stealing transfem valor.

Cissie puts a TW #body-mutilation tag under my thirst trap. Tranny puts a TW #dysphoria tag under my thirst trap.

T-girl with a callout post pedojackets me, Enby with TME in bio pedojackets me, T-boy with a self-deprecating joke about men in his bio pedojackets me.

I do another line of ketamine off the table, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I am at the woman’s clinic, I am at the woman’s clinic, I am at the woman’s clinic wearing a mask – not cause I’m compromised (I am), just to hide my beard – avoiding making everyone uncomfortable.

I am getting re-diagnosed with BPD, which just means I have bitch disorder and no one trusts me.

I take my pills and throw them up. I drink my liquor before the beer and throw them up.

I am just 14 when the picture and videos go up. Remind me that I have it easy, they were only pictures and videos.

I am just 17 when the recording of my proof stops before it happens, my phone memory is full, I’m called a liar and now I can’t see buttered crackers, thanksgiving, or sriracha sauce without wanting to kill myself.

No one gets me therapy, but they still want to convert me, she puts her hands down my pants, at least I’m 19, to remind me I’m a woman – tell me how they love trans men again.

I do a third line of ketamine off the table, realize it doesn’t effect me, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I call myself a dog, I start biting my lovers and I have to hold back from ripping out a chunk of flesh, I don’t think I’d throw it up.

I am reading the statistics, 40% of BPD patients try and kill themselves. 1 in 2 transgender men try and kill themselves. I’m one of them. I’m 12 and I swallowed all the pills. I’m 14 and the gun is empty. I’m 17 and I put the box-opener against my throat. Therapist calls me a liar, there is no scar, and my words don’t count for anything.

I’m using he/him pronouns for Stormé DeLarverie, like the stonewall veteran association said to, and telling you he started the riot, calling it stealing transfem valor from a woman who told you she didn’t fucking do it.

I’m shoving my fingers down my throat in a fit of mania, convinced I can vomit up my uterus. She tells me I should be grateful, she’d do anything to be able to get pregnant.

My brother in the struggle gets bottom surgery without top, calling it stealing transfem valor to feel comfortable in his body.

It’s 2024 and I’m at trans pride, the announcers tells everyone to give a round of applause for trans woman, a round of applause for gender-queers, a round of applause for transfems, a round of applause for the enbies, a round of applause for trans-masculine people. You forgot someone. Did you know a trans man started the first ever transgender pride parade?

A book on queer history talks about gay men and lesbians and trans women and the women who dressed as men for better job opportunities. I’m reminded that my invisibility is a privilege, if you aren’t seen you don’t get bashed.

I’m 13 and they throw me in the girls bathroom, pin me down, beat me, and in black sharpie write “dyke”, write “tranny”, write “lesbo”, and pull my hair out the cap I shoved it in.

I’m 19 with D cups that a binder can’t hide and a beard I refuse to shave less I break the mirror and kill myself with the shards of glass I would swallow.

Man at the bus stop calls me tranny and tells me I’ll never be a woman. I’d laugh if he didn’t have his hand on my throat. Calling it stealing transfem valor.

I’m 21 and have to pull a taser on him, cause from the back, even with short hair and top surgery, I look rape-able.

I’m 23 and in the gay district when they chase me down the street, calling me faggot.

Make another forcemasc post, calling it stealing transfem valor.

Read an article about a trans man prostitute that kills himself and ends up another female statistic.

Read an article about a trans man shooter, they blame the HRT he didn’t have access too.

Going to read a callout about me, five pages on Google Docs, does this post make it on the list?

Do a final line of ketamine, write the final line of a poem that makes me want to die, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I puke and miss the toilet.

[nenoname]

Parallels and contrasts between Stan and Bill in the new book and website

Aka miscellaneous thoughts that I'm too lazy to condense into something comprehensible– what you see is what you get folks! (Book stuff, DVD commentaries! The website that came out when I was trying to write this out and is now making me pull my hair out! But in like a good way? That god damn poem!)

not necessarily same coin stuff but I sure am thinking about it.

It’s been said that a large part of Ford’s relationships with Bill, Fiddleford and Dipper was him trying to fill a hole that his estrangement with Stan had left, with none of them clicking in that same way. Dipper was directly compared to Fiddleford as someone who was completely charmed by Ford but is ultimately too anxious of a person to properly deal with the life he's offering nor pull him back when he starts going too far. Meanwhile, Bill is more analogous to Stan but to the extreme with all the doubts that Ford had been fed about Stan (that he was using him, he never grew up, he betrayed him, sabotaged the machine on purpose) turning out to be exactly true with Bill.

The book has Bill saying flat out that Ford wanted the charisma Bill had and then shows that at the peak of Ford's loneliness he was being envious of Stan's charisma, social skills and hands.

[STANLEY COULD HAVE MADE HER LAUGH]

(There’s an irony that Stan always thought that Ford was the popular twin even after doing embarrassing stuff like the kissing machine – if you haven’t seen the Swine Before Time Stan commentary get going, it’s great)

Then Bill swoops in with jokes and endless encouragement and the nickname only Stan used for him, all this in a way tailored for Ford to immediately like him while also reminding him of Stan but "better."

(The show rarely used it but Bill’s use of Sixer is extremely frequent in Journal 3 alone but the comics solidify it as being a pretty personal childhood nickname that kid!Stan used as his default way to call Ford.)

And then you see all of this working because Ford straight up writes Bill’s words using Stan's handwriting (and it turns out that Ford’s capital letter ‘for emphasis/angry’ font in general is the same as Stan’s handwriting too)

(It’s important to note that this is different from all the fonts that Bill uses for himself!)

All of this leads to the deja vu of Ford getting stabbed in the back by someone he was codependent on over a machine he thought was going to change his life for the better

Other things in the book that I’ve seen others point out and noticed myself:

Bill trying to reinforce that Ford would be alone without him, and threatening to tell Stan that Ford never loved him but the first thing Stan does in his letter is tell Ford that he loves him with their childhood code

Stan also only uses ‘Sixer’ in his letter when he normally tends to use a mix of nicknames post-Weirdmaggedon (sure it’s only twice but idk I find it noticeable)

Stan ripped a dollar in half when Bill taunted the reader earlier about how they wouldn’t do that

The promo photo vs the one in the book, Ford’s face being untouched vs Stan’s. While I initially interpreted this as “Bill’s book being a way to torment Ford” and then “him ending up having a meltdown at the thought of Stan”, the new poem kinda gives off an ominous vibe of "him moving on to focus on Stan instead whether he wants to or not"

Ford writing “miss you” in the bro code soon after arriving at Backupsmore which is shown in the Fiddleford photo, then Bill taunting Ford that he misses him

Bill and Stan now have another parallel of losing everything because of a genuine mistake but only Stan was willing to work to make up for it while Bill doubled down and became far far worse

The utter hatred Bill has for Stan being able to win in the end and get back his family

Both of them being institutionalized, with Stan’s mentioned in Guide to Mystery and Nonstop Fun (which has references to Bill liking Mabel for her chaos, silly straws, etc. Also Dipper basically came up with the Author theory but slightly wrong from theorising about the ink blot like a year before the Ford reveal)

(saturn devouring his son perfectly depicts my emotions when reaching this part of the book)

(EDIT: I was thinking about how Bill giving Ford three days to open the portal striked me as odd for some reason... and then I remembered;

Stan gave Mabel 3 days for their bet as well. Both of them specifically say 72 hours too.)

And now for the stuff we know from the website:

Bill having severe family issues with daddy issues implied since only his mum is mentioned directly with her trying to comfort him as a kid vs Stan having severe family issues with a definite focus on his dad while his mum was the only one to ask about Stan during that meeting with the principal and her being the only one to show up to his funeral

Both of them wear their dad’s hat despite of all of this

Bill starting a billion cults and has a lawyer called Multilevel Mark, Stan having his Scientology-esque cult being shot down by irl Disney and as a kid having his “technically a pyramid scheme” comic being shot down by a publisher

(I doubt that Stanentology would’ve gotten far but also you can see that a trend that the main way Bill gathers followers is by reading minds and revealing secrets only the victim would know, so let's hope that Disney-let-him-start-a-cult AU Stan never gets mind reading abilities)

Despite how we know how Stan is traumatised as hell from losing Ford, it’s noticeably isn’t referred directly in the Wheel of Shame (like you can’t tell me that the time between pushing Ford into the portal and starting the Shack isn’t as rock bottom as it gets, Bill literally recognises Stan in the first place by thinking about his brand). This probably is because Bill knows that they managed to repair their relationship and he’s fucking pissed about it.

There's further parallels between Stanley and Bill in poem; with lies and redemption and home, and further association with fire for the both of them

“Saw his own dimension burn.

Misses home and can't return.”

“Always dragged his family down.

One mistake, disowned, denied,

Only thing to do was hide.”

“One way out: the open road.

Reinvent, retry, reload.

A girdle, eyepatch, fathers fez,

"I'm a new man!" so he says”

“One way to absolve his crime.

A different form, a different time”

“His big break, it finally came,

Redemption from a life of shame.”

“Says he's happy. He's a liar.”

“Truth is just whatever sells.

When you've lost track of your lies,”

“Lie until you aren’t lying anymore”

Bill in a rotting corpse of a snake oil salesman

This triangle can fit so much self-loathing projection while being a hater

(Also it's funny that Bill is so insistent that Ford had to be the one who came up with the plan

Like look at this

See ‘em cogs turning in Stan’s head while Ford has clearly given up hope)

“How dare he dress up fancy when his jokes suck!!”

There's a parallel of Ford projecting onto Dipper in a way that makes him feel like kindred spirits with his nephew but Stan projects on Dipper in a way that causes him to be more harsh even if he has good intentions. Meanwhile Bill projects onto Ford in a more positive light in comparison to Stan, who in this case Bill wants to rip him and himself into shreds whenever he thinks of the guy. Bill’s shared love for fun/chaos with Mabel (despite them being so different at their core) is why he likes her the most out of all the Pines but that doesn’t stop him from trying to murder her (although I think most folks don’t know about that interview where Alex was like “yeah, I think Bill would’ve burnt Ford alive the moment he got the equation, he’s done playing with his toys at that point”)

Other tidbits:

I find it interesting that the full version of the Wheel of Shame has blue sparks and fades to grey scale (which automatically reminded me of his mindscape)

Stan signing off as Stanley in the book – this ain’t anything huge to chew on I'm just very over emotional about this… but also there’s Bill being called Billy by his family/in the codes

Ford thinking of Stan as childish/someone who never grew up and then we get hit by “yeah Ford always had some part of himself stuck at 18” oof

Ford underestimating Stan’s control over the mindscape, not knowing that he’s able to hide memories in Dreamscaperers, manipulate the layout of his mindscape enough to trick Bill and memory!Stan telling Dipper how to use the mindscape which Bill was genuinely surprised by

I'm headcanoning that Stan doing so bad at that history test is due to some latent bs from what Bill knows which is all crazy conspiracy level stuff

I think it's also intensely funny that all of the Pines promise that they'll murder Bill if they ever see him again and then they immediately turn to Stan and go “now it's your turn to write a letter! :D!!”

(I feel like the main requirement that the Theraprism has for Bill before he can reincarnate is mainly acknowledging his family idk which honestly would fit even better if his soul becomes Stan’s)

EDIT: I FORGOT TO MENTION THE OUROBOROS PASSWORD (or... uh oroborous which is a typo when theres a suspicious amount on the site which may mean somethng but i digress) anyway that leads to the Shack Axolotl lore where it bluntly states that Ford released it despite it showing up 30 years later anyway

and theres....

[roosterforme]

Covering the Classics Part 6 | Bob Floyd x OC

Summary: In the aftermath of the kiss, Bob and Anna try to process their feelings. Bob works on more of his poetry while Anna hides from her friends, but neither of them can get past their attraction. When another man arrives during a night out, all Bob feels is jealousy.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, adult language, masturbation, eventually 18+

Length: 5100 words

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Female OC (this story is part of the Beer Boy/Sugar and Jake/Jessica universe)

Covering the Classics masterlist. Check my masterlist for more! Thank you to @mak-32 for the beautiful banner!

Taking Anna to Chippy's was a mistake, because Bob was falling harder by the minute. She was cute and smart. Witty and reserved. And the fact that she was a little tipsy after one drink just made her more endearing. Jessica could drink more Sam Adams than anyone he'd ever seen before, and Bradshaw's wife could probably play beer pong professionally, but not Anna. She was giggling and demanding he not download a dating app. She was smiling nonstop and touching him. And he wasn't even allowed to have a chance with her.

She only lived a mile or so from campus, which was a shame, because Bob would have liked to spend more time with her. He played with the radio dials in his old truck as he drove, trying to keep his hands busy. And that's when he swore he heard Anna whisper a line from his poem.

"What did you just say?" he asked, eyeing her closely.

"Nothing," she told him as the car behind his truck honked, and Bob tapped the accelerator when he realized the light was green. He must have been mistaken. There was no way anyone actually read the stuff he posted online, let alone Anna. He just did it for a way to help him release his emotions and thoughts.

But he wanted to make sure. When he parked at the curb in front of her building, he turned toward her with curious eyes and whispered, "I thought you said-"

He was instantly distracted by the way she kept her eyes on his as her chest rose and fell a little faster. She unbuckled her seatbelt and scooted closer to him along the seat, and he froze as she leaned in and kissed him. Her lips found his like it was the most natural thing in the world. When she made a soft sound, he raised his hand up to touch her cheek, something he'd been dying to do for weeks and weeks. Her skin felt silky soft as she nibbled gently on his lip, and then he remembered everything that she'd said to him. He couldn't start down this path just to have her put up another roadblock. 

He forced himself away from her. "Anna. I don't think this is something friends do," he croaked, praying that by some twist of face, she'd end up in his arms. 

"I'm so sorry," she gasped, hauling herself back across the seat and throwing the door open. "I'm so sorry, Bob." He watched her climb down and grab her tote bag, barely glancing back at him as she slammed the door and ran inside the building. 

He was going to offer to walk her to her door. He wanted to make sure she got inside safely. He wanted to do a lot of things that would hopefully come across in a friendly way. This was decidedly not how he imagined his night would end, staring at the spot where she disappeared inside and wondering if she regretted kissing him. She really ran away from him at top speed without any clarification.

"Damn it, Bob," he whispered as he put his truck in gear. But he didn't know what he could have done differently. He just wished he didn't know how fucking good it felt to have Anna's lips on his, because it would probably never happen again. He wanted to ask her why she kissed him in the first place. Then an even more devastating thought occurred to him. What if she didn't want to be his friend after this?

He really needed Nat to come home from her deployment, because he knew he couldn't mention this to Jessica at D&D. What would he even tell her? That Anna kissed him exactly once and then ran away faster than an olympic sprinter?

Then he parked in front of his house and saw the text that made him shove his phone into his pocket and not look at it again until morning. 

Anna Webber: I'm sorry. That was a mistake. Please forgive me.

--------------------------

Anna was curled up in her sad bed trying not to cry. Bob would probably never want to talk to her again now. What kind of person told a man they just wanted to be friends and then kissed him like the words meant nothing? Anna, apparently. But it felt so nice. No. Better than that. Kissing Bob felt necessary.

Before she could change her mind, she texted him and then turned off her phone. I'm sorry. That was a mistake. Please forgive me.

She rolled onto her back and started to cry. Not for the first time, she thought about calling Kevin and screaming at him for ruining everything. She should feel a sense of freedom by now after finally leaving him in New Jersey with Alyssa, but she just didn't. It wasn't fair that Anna had no control over what Kevin did when he still seemed to dictate what she was allowed to do. But she knew she had to be a better person than him.

When she reached down to the floor, her fingers found the stack of books she was currently reading for work and for entertainment. She picked up the Vonnegut from Bob, because it wasn't even really that late, and she was in a mood now anyway. Then she took the time to find the note from him. Her new bookmark. She read through her tears until they stopped. She didn't dog ear a single page. She used his note to save her spot, and then she fell asleep with the book pressed to her chest. 

She felt awful on Friday at work. When she gave her first lecture, it felt forced instead of insightful, and her notes seemed to blur on the pages in front of her. She didn't have an appetite, which was fine since she had no money for food and forgot to pack a lunch. Instead of going to the weird tree and the nicest women she'd ever met, she sat in her office and cried with her head resting on her folded arms. 

Bob didn't text her back, but she figured he wouldn't. There was really nothing else to say. She already decided she wasn't going to mention the kiss to Advanced Calculus or Advanced Physics, but perhaps she should tell them it would be a good thing after all if Bob went on a dating app. He deserved to be happy. Someone else would make him happy. 

As Anna was packing up everything she would need for the weekend, there was a knock on her office door. It was late, and her stomach was growling loudly, but she called out, "Come in!"

The room was so small, Bradley Bradshaw and his wife barely fit on the opposite side of her desk when standing side by side, and Anna watched him shuffle around so he was standing partially behind her. "What's up, Anna?" he rasped with a grin, and she had no difficulty imagining him ten years younger in a loud fraternity house. 

"Hi," she replied, clasping her hands together. "What are you both doing here? I was just about to catch the bus and go home."

"You never came to lunch today!" her friend complained. "And you didn't text me back. I was starting to get nervous that the creeper from the sociology department got to you or something."

"No," Anna replied with a soft laugh. "I'm fine."

Two pairs of eyes bored into her, and then Bradley and his wife both blurted out, "How was Chippy's?"

"Did Bob make a move?" Bradley asked, his hands caressing his wife through her tweed blazer. 

Anna swallowed a huge lump of guilt. "We're just friends," she managed to say.

"Yeah, yeah," he said with an eye roll. "Sure. But did he? Because I've been being a dick all week about getting him on a dating app even though I know he's not into the idea. Jake and I thought it might help."

"Are you serious right now?" his wife gasped, smacking at his hands while Anna rubbed her temples with her fingertips. "I told you not to interfere," she hissed.

"We're just friends," Anna repeated a little louder over the two of them arguing. "Chippy's was great. Amazing peanuts. Sticky floors. Grouchy bartender. It was like being back in undergrad."

Just as Bradley was raising his hand, about to speak again, he took an elbow to the side that seemed to make him think better of it as his wife asked, "Then you won't mind going back on Wednesday? To surprise Jessica for her birthday?"

"It's her birthday?" Anna asked, excited by the idea of being invited to a celebration even though Bob would definitely be there as well.

"Yes. I texted you about it when you skipped out on us at lunchtime."

"Right," she replied, knowing she'd only been checking her phone occasionally on purpose. "I'll be there on Wednesday. Of course I will." She was going to have to suck up her embarrassment over everyone trying to push her and Bob together, but at least they didn't know about the kiss she ran away from. "Anything for Jess."

"And are you coming to the Hard Deck tonight?" her friend asked as her husband's hands crept back into place on her body. 

"I have a lot of work to do. Midterms are just around the corner," she replied lamely. "So, probably not."

With a sigh, her friend nodded once and said, "Please don't skip lunch next week. We missed you."

Bradley said, "I'll make extra hummus," before his wife started pushing him to the door.

The confirmation that the hummus was in fact homemade left Anna feeling slightly jealous. That feeling only grew as she watched her friend take Bradley's chin in her hand and softly say, "Oh, Beer Boy. I don't even want to know what kind of a monstrosity of a dating profile you'd make for Bob."

He smiled and waved at Anna before he looked at his wife and said, "I just want all of my friends to be as happy as I am."

She grabbed him by his khaki belt and said, "Let's stop by the library."

Anna desperately wanted to be that happy, too.

---------------------------

"What's your problem, man?" Mickey asked as he drove Bob home from Dungeons & Dragons. "You were weird all night."

"Just tired," Bob replied, and he was being at least partially honest. He'd been staying up later than usual, working on some poetry and reading the books Anna recommended. He enjoyed all of them; she seemed to know exactly how to reach his innermost hidden thoughts and ideas. She somehow understood him, and that was more exciting than he wanted it to be right now. But when he and Anna had to be together in person again, he knew it was going to be a different story. He was almost relieved she didn't show up at the Hard Deck earlier, because he had no idea how to act around her now. 

She knew he had feelings for her, and that kiss had roughed him up a bit. Even a couple days afterwards, he thought he could still feel the pressure of her lips on his and smell her shampoo. 

"Are you still hung up on Anna?"

Mickey's words made Bob laugh. "More than ever before."

"You know what I think you should do?" his friend asked as he zipped along in his sports car.

Bob cradled his forehead and said, "I'd love to hear it," even though he was pretty sure it would annoy him.

"You should tell her that you don't want to be just friends. And then kiss her."

Bob turned and looked at Mickey as the passing street lights illuminated him and then left him in darkness over and over again. "I'm not going to do that. All I can do is hope she changes her mind." He didn't mention the fact that they had already kissed; he was sure she was too embarrassed by it to want it to become public knowledge. 

As Mickey pulled up to Bob's house, he said, "Well whatever you're doing right now, it's not working."

Bob sighed and said, "Thanks. That's really helpful. See you on Monday. Oh, and don't forget about the surprise party thing on Wednesday."

"Yeah, I won't forget. Hard Deck at seven o'clock."

"Chippy's!" Bob called out as he pulled away. Sometimes he felt like the most organized one out of all of his friends, and it was honestly amazing that Mickey even managed to get to work on time. At least Suzanne's lights were off as Bob walked up to his porch and let himself inside. He didn't have the energy to deal with anyone else tonight. 

He stripped down to his underwear and got ready for bed, but he took his computer with him. He was ridiculous for doing it, but he looked at the notes he'd typed up last night and started writing. It was never as beautiful or eloquent as the things he read from others, but posting his poetry online felt like he was at least taking ownership of something he created. This poem, however, he didn't know if he'd be able to post it at all. He found himself writing about red hair when he realized it would warrant a mature rating label if he ever did decide to post it. Then he started to think about all the things he wanted to do with Anna and her red hair. 

Bob grunted and set his computer aside. She was giving him mixed signals, and he wasn't sure she'd ever change her mind about being with him, but that didn't stop his body from responding as he imagined her beautiful hair spread out on his pillow. He'd take fistfuls of it and press his nose to it. He'd tug gently on it and tell her that she was beautiful. He would press kisses to the coppery strands and then guide her lower on his body as he grasped a little harder.

"Shit," Bob panted, kicking off his covers and pulling himself free from his gray boxer briefs. He jerked off to the idea of Anna and him together. She'd kiss his hips and thighs and laugh softly before licking along his length. His name would sound like the most beautiful poetry on her lips. Her freckles would stand out in the soft lamplight. He'd guide her along with his fingers wrapped around her hair as she teased him.

He stroked himself with his eyes closed, panting softly and whispering some of his own poetry, and he wasn't even surprised when he came all over his flat abs. When he adjusted his glasses with his clean hand, he thought he'd much prefer to see Anna in his bed with him.

--------------------------

Anna was starved for conversation with another human being by the time Monday morning arrived. Forcing herself to be a recluse as a means to distract herself from her plethora of issues was clearly not the answer. Not when she'd actually managed to make some friends in San Diego. She arrived on campus early and stopped in the lounge for a donut only to find nobody else from her department was really around. Then when she gave her first lecture, half of her students looked like they were still asleep. She tucked her new bookmark of sorts into Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and counted down the hours until she could meet her friends for lunch.

Jessica seemed none the wiser about her upcoming surprise party, but that was the whole point of the thing. Anna started bracing herself to spend some more time around Bob, hoping her kiss was so forgettable that he'd already moved on. Honestly, that was a pretty good possibility. She hadn't really considered that before, but it made a lot of sense. She was boring. After another day or two, he'd have probably forgotten all about it.

This helped Anna push herself through the week. On Wednesday, she took the bus home to change, and she knew she'd never make it to Chippy's on time in her sundress and denim jacket unless she took an Uber to the bar. So she gritted her teeth and paid for the ride, wishing for so many reasons that she hadn't kissed Bob so that she could have asked him to pick her up. But when she got to Chippy's, Bob wasn't even there. And Anna was met with a different issue in the form of a very attractive man with dark hair and dark eyes.

She felt his gaze on her as soon as she arrived, surprised he was looking at her of all people. But in her rush to get to Chippy's on time, all she really got to do was say hi to Jake and Bradley before they got her into position for the surprise. It looked like the bar had been reserved just for Jessica tonight, and that made Anna inexplicably happy and sad at the same time. Even that old bartender looked excited to celebrate. Even Dr. Rosenthal showed up. 

Then Bob rushed in wearing jeans, a snug fitting tee shirt and a worried expression. His hair looked damp, and he was straightening out his glasses as he glanced around and asked, "Did I make it in time?" Anna felt like someone knocked the wind out of her as he got closer.

"Barely," Bradley replied, checking his watch. "Sugar and Jess should be here any minute. Where the fuck were you?"

Bob's cheeks turned a little pink as he muttered, "I had to help Suzanne with her car. She had a flat tire. And then she insisted I come inside for a few minutes so she could thank me properly. I lost track of time."

Anna crossed her arms and pressed her lips together as Bob came to stand right next to her. When he softly said hello, she just nodded and tried to give him a smile, but she was too overwhelmed with too many different feelings. He smelled like soap, and she knew his body was warm without him even touching her. She didn't know who Suzanne was, but she was automatically a little jealous, which was ridiculous. But now she felt like that kiss last week was as forgettable as she both hoped and feared. 

Anna wanted to cry, but even her tears had to take a backseat at the moment as the door to Chippy's opened up and both of her friends walked inside. "Happy birthday!" everyone shouted, and Anna tried her best to look enthusiastic for the occasion. 

"No!" Jessica called out, shoving at the other woman's arm as she realized it was her birthday party. "You're sneaky! You lied to me about getting just one birthday beer!" Then she rushed forward in her adorable suit and high heels, heading straight for Jake's arms. But the second person she reached out to hug was Anna.

"Happy birthday, Advanced Physics," she said with a stifled laugh.

"I'm so happy you're here," Jessica gushed, and Anna felt a lot better as she returned the hug.

But all too soon, she was left on her own. At least all of the tables were covered in dishes of peanuts. Jake was paying for Sam Adams for everyone, but Anna knew she shouldn't drink. Not again. Not after she got tipsy with Bob. 

She could still feel those dark eyes on her as she broke open a peanut and enjoyed the perfectly salty taste. Who was that guy? His arms were wrapped around Jessica's waist, and Jake looked like he was about to go through the roof as his girlfriend laughed. Then he made his way over to Bradshaw's wife and gave her the same treatment. But Bradley looked completely unfazed when she kissed the other man on the cheek and smiled. They whispered something back and forth, and he met Anna's eyes with a wink. She quickly looked away, hoping to avoid a conversation. Bob was sipping a beer and smashing open his own peanuts, and she knew if she couldn't be with him, she didn't want to be with anyone else either. 

Too late. "Hi, are you Anna?" came an unfamiliar voice followed by the spicy scent of too much cologne.

"I am," she answered, looking down at the extended hand of this handsome stranger. "Are you a friend of Jessica's?"

He laughed as their hands met. "Sure," he replied smoothly. "But it's really Bradshaw and I that go way back. I'm Dev. Dev Borah."

"Oh," she said, still shaking his hand and trying to make sense of things. Why was she so awkward? She finally released him and said, "It's... nice to meet you. Um, how do you know Bradley?"

"Virginia. Undergrad. I graduated with the two of them, actually. Nearly died of shock last year when I heard they were both out in San Diego and getting married. Can I get you a drink, Beautiful? Something other than Sam Adams?"

"Oh," Anna gasped as she looked up at him in surprise. "Um... I don't really drink much."

Dev moaned and gripped at his chest dramatically. "You're killing me. I own a brewery!"

Anna could barely tell one type of beer from another, but she wasn't about to tell him that. And quite honestly, talking about making beer sounded interesting enough; she loved learning about new things. But he just called her beautiful. She was flustered and too hot, and then she saw Bob standing off to the side with Mickey, and his expression was one of great displeasure. 

"A brewery?" she asked, trying to force her attention back to Dev.

"Beta Brewing," he said proudly. "We're currently working on a two million dollar expansion project. It's kind of a construction zone, but if you ever want to come up to sample the goods, I'd love to have you."

Anna's eyes went wide. That sounded like an innuendo, but Dev's face was calm as he sipped his pint. Anna figured he must be okay if he was friends with all of these people, but she was never going to go there without the girls. "Maybe if everyone else wanted to go, I could tag along?"

Dev laughed and said, "Bradshaw makes the drive frequently enough. I'm sure we'll see each other again. But just to be sure... I could give you my personal number."

----------------------------

Bob was seething. He'd met Dev Borah exactly one time before, and while he'd had pretty neutral feelings about him prior to tonight, now he hated the sight of him. He'd persuaded Anna to have a beer even though Bob heard her say she didn't really want one, and now he was typing something into Anna's phone. He was giving her his number, just like Bob had done so many weeks ago.

"Stop torturing yourself, man," Mickey said, handing Bob some more peanuts.

"You think she likes him?" Bob asked, voice tight as he grabbed the bowl in his shaky hand.

Mickey shrugged next to him. "What's not to like?"

Bob tossed the bowl onto one of the tables. "You're not helping." He walked away to find someone else, anyone else, to talk to. He should have kissed Anna for as long as he could when he had the chance, because it was all he could think about now. It was all he wanted. She kept looking at him; if she was going to talk to Dev all night and say that kissing Bob was a mistake, then why was she looking at him?

He needed to get out of here and go home, but he knew his friends would be disappointed. Even Suzanne would shake her head. Honestly, he'd be annoyed with himself, too. But his mood was something so unfamiliar, he was ready to force himself to talk to the woman standing next to Anna who he thought was from the science department just so he wouldn't feel like a joke. 

"You know," Bradley said as he slung his arm around Bob's shoulders, "I had no idea Dev liked redheads so much. But then again, he never was too discerning back in the day."

"What do you want, Rooster?" he asked with a grunt.

"I just wanted to make sure you're having fun at Jess's little shindig."

Bob let Bradley slap him obnoxiously on the back as he asked, "Did you invite Dev? Is he going to give Anna a hard time or anything?" His eyes trailed back over to where Dev was still talking her ear off.

Bradley chuckled. "I invited him to get Jake riled up, but I had no idea you'd be collateral damage." He finally released Bob as he said, "And nah, Dev's harmless."

What Bob wouldn't give to have Natasha back. He missed her terribly, and all the guys seemed to be better behaved when she was around. But she'd take one look at Anna and probably embarrass him in front of her even more.

"I think I'm actually going to head home," came Anna's voice filtering over to Bob as she finally cut Dev off. "It was nice to meet you."

"Let me drive you," he replied immediately, and Bob could already picture him getting Anna settled into his Mercedes-Benz, his fingers grazing her bare thigh.

"No, that's okay," she told Dev as she backed away from him. "I'm just going to say goodbye to Jessica, and then I'll get an Uber."

She made her escape to the table next to where Bob stood, and Jessica gave her a big hug. "Happy birthday," Anna told her once again, followed softly by, "I'm glad we're friends."

Jessica squealed and hugged her tighter. "Me too."

"I'm going to call an Uber and head out," Anna was saying, but Jessica was already looking around. 

"No way. It's dark out, and someone here can drive you home. Hey, Bob? Can you drive Anna home?"

He knew he was going to say yes even though part of him didn't want to. And there was another part of him that assumed she'd just say Dev offered to take her. But when Anna looked up at him, he nodded and immediately said, "Of course."

To his surprise, Anna looked a little relieved as she took a step closer. "Are you sure you don't mind?" she asked him with a little wince.

"Not one bit. I was planning on heading home, and it's on the way."

Bob accepted a sloppy kiss on the cheek from Jessica who was well on her way to being drunk. Then he dug his keys from his pocket and nodded toward the door. Anna followed closely next to him, but unlike the last time they were at Chippy's, he didn't touch her. When Bob held the door open, he looked back over his shoulder at Dev who raised his pint glass with a smile of defeat, but he didn't really care about anyone except Anna.

"Thanks," she muttered, walking out into the cool, night air.

"Did you have a good time?" Bob asked, putting a little more space between them as he pointed up the block toward his truck.

Anna laughed, but the sound was tight and forced. "It was okay. I think Jessica was having fun, which is the most important thing, you know?"

"Yeah," he agreed, squeezing his key in his hand as all of the images of their kisses returned. Everything he thought about when he wrote new poetry and touched himself to completion. He swallowed hard; even being around Anna was a lot for his senses. He couldn't blame Dev for trying, but their interactions made him jealous. "Did you get Dev's number?"

Anna stumbled a bit on the sidewalk as she looked up at him, but he kept his eyes focused straight ahead. "I didn't ask for it. He just kind of gave it to me," she said softly. "He invited me up to his brewery to try some beers. When I told him I'm not much of a beer drinker, he said he'd really enjoy teaching me about the process."

"I'm sure he would," Bob muttered, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. 

When he reached his truck, he wrenched the passenger door open for Anna, and she glowed softly in the dim, orange interior lighting. "He's a bit much," she said, looking up at him.

Bob nodded once, but she didn't make a move to climb in. "I don't know him very well, but I know he likes to hear himself talk." When she still didn't move, Bob asked, "Are you going to call him? Give him the opportunity?"

"I already told you..." she said firmly. "I can't be in a relationship right now, so I wouldn't want to encourage Dev. And I'm really, really sorry about last week, Bob." She fidgeted with her hands and added, "But if I were in a place where I wanted to start something, I wouldn't pick him."

"Really?" Bob asked as his heart pounded. The most depraved part of him wanted to hear her say she liked him more than Dev. More than anyone.

"Really," she whispered, placing her hand on the seat. "I like old trucks better than fancy sports cars."

That was enough confirmation for Bob. His skin was tingling with anticipation he knew he couldn't quench, but he didn't mind as much now as he did ten minutes ago. "Yeah... you could do way better than a multi millionaire anyway."

Anna's laughter in response was so genuine, Bob laughed, too. The drive to her place was quiet but not as strained as he was afraid it would be, and when he was about a block away, she took her phone out and started messing around with it. "Thanks, Bob," she said as he pulled up to the curb.

He cleared his throat. "You know how you told me you didn't think I should use the dating app? Because I didn't need it?"

"Yeah?" she asked, reaching for the door handle but looking at him. 

He squeezed the steering wheel tight in both hands and said, "Well, I don't think you need Dev's phone number." He watched her jump down and turn to glance his way, and then she smiled.

"I already deleted it. Thanks again for the ride. Maybe I'll see you this weekend?"

He nodded once before she closed the door. As she walked inside, he said, "I hope so."

----------------------------

Oh. Oh, okay. She prefers you, Bob! Now get ready for action. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls. And thanks @attapullman for all the underwear discussions.

PART 7

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[moviecritc]

Being patos bestie and going crazy over that photoshoot 🧡

she's like a poem ⋆ pato o'ward smau

pairing: pato o'ward x bestfriend!reader (fc: gracie abrams)

warnings: none

a/n: i was flabbergasted by that photoshoot, i also included that one tiktok where he appeared covered in chocolate out of nowhere bc omg

remember that requests are open <33

masterlist | wattpad | letterboxd

yourusername just posted a story!

[caption: there's a pato stuck to my piñata @patriciooward]

user1: oh to be that piñata

user2: whose birthday is it?

user3: you guys need to be a couple NOW

patriciooward just posted a story!

[caption 1: happy birthday bicho 🎉] [caption 2: you're such a weirdo but i love you] [caption 3: can't believe you made it to 25 after eating the whole box of cheese balls 😻]

yourusername: thank you wey 😘😘

user1: THREE stories for wishing happy birthday? you're such a simp

user2: pls just date her we know you want to 💋

patriciooward just posted a tiktok!

patriciooward they're also perfect for a birthday

view all comments

user1 I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING PATO

user2 im still not sure if i want to buy them, do another one

user3 looks so good, and the chocolate too 🥰

user4 birthday? wasn't y/n's few days ago

user5 omg yess. we see you pato

user6 don't ask me how many time i've watched it

yourusername ⚠️jumpscare⚠️

user3 Y/N- user7 i can't with these two

patriciooward just posted!

liked by yourusername, elbaoward and 12,545 others

patriciooward Some shots from the other day :)

view all comments

elbaoward give this man a model contract

user1 i'm feeling woman things

yourusername oh wow

patriciooward just posted a story!

[caption: 🌊⭐️]

yourusername: who's that bitch? oh wait it's me 😊

user1: it's that yn???

user2: finally soft launching her

yourusername just posted a story!

user1: OK WE SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING

user2: oh pato and you are so together

user3: please tell me that you kissed at least

patriciooward just posted!

patriciooward she's like a poem i wish i wrote (she made me write this)

tagged yourusername

view all comments

yourusername aww 🥰🥰 you know this is just to win over your sister right?

elbaoward anytime babyy 😉😉 patriciooward wait no it take me too many years to date her you can't take her from me this soon :((( yourusername too late bye

user1 THIS IS JUST PERFECT

user2 it's like watching those friends that everyone knows they're gonna end together ACTUALLY getting together

user3 shut up this is so cute

user4 y/n has always been my favourite wag even when she wasn't

user5 i love that this isn't even a surprise no anyone

user6 we knew they were dating before they were actually dating user7 FRRR

[traumagician]

I know someone posted the timeless main theme already, but my favorite musical moment in Goncharov is definitely the song that Katya sings in the cabaret just before the infamous poker scene with Sofia... and her reprisal of it just before she "dies" (EVEN THOUGH I STILL THINK EVERYTHING POINTS TO HER FAKING HER DEATH) just breaks my heart every time....

The music supervisors did their homework on this one too, because the lyrics are actually from a famous poem by Russian poet Alexander Blok, and they just fit the tone of the show SO well...

Night, street, lamp, drugstore,

A dull and meaningless light.

Go on and live another quarter century - nothing will change.

There's no way out.

You'll die, then start from the beginning;

It will repeat, just like before:

Night, icy ripples on a canal,

Drugstore, street, lamp.

UGH! THE THEMES! THE BLEAKNESS OF IT ALL! Anyway, if you need me I'll be hiding in my room and being absolutely normal about all this... and I may post more hard-to-find clips from the soundtrack to my music blog @traumaticmagic later

[i-am-baechu]

✩ Title: The Lovers

✩ Paring: Idol! Taehyung x Actress! Reader

✩ Summary: It's been a rule, if you date an actor or actress you have to be strong. Especially when you see them kissing another for their new drama. Why is it so hard to be strong?

✩ Genre: Fluff, romance, angst, Tae is just an insecure boy that needs a hug and smut

✩ Playlist: Only - LeeHi & Loving With All Your Heart by Domsonegongbang

✩ Authors note: Having a heat stroke sucks. I'm finally feeling better and I'm able to post this story. I'm sorry for being sick!

Prologue

"Insecurity kills all that is beautiful". - Anonymous 

It was the early morning, the streets were still empty as the sun gently entered the buildings waking everyone up from their deep sleep. L/N Y/N slowly opened her eyes when she heard a cabinet close from the bathroom. She let out a small groan and turned towards the clock on her nightstand, 07:35 am. She ran her hand through her messy hair as she let a deep sigh out. Today was supposed to be her day off, and so was Taehyung’s but it seems like things have changed.

She glanced at the door with a frown, the talk from last night was still clouding up her mind. There was something wrong but she can’t change anything if he doesn’t tell her anything. She quickly shook her head and picked up her phone to message her best friend, Kim Sejeong. 

How is he?

She looked up from the text and stared at the wall with a hard look. It was a simple question that had a complex answer. An answer that she doesn’t have, which made things harder. 

I don’t know...he hasn’t really talked to me since our conversation. 

Give him some time. 

Kim Taehyung stared at the mirror with a hard look. He didn’t get much sleep last night, who would? Seeing the person you love cry because of your own foolishness could keep anyone up. That’s what made things so hard, especially right now. He glanced down at the sink as he closed his eyes and the scene replayed right before him. 

Being center stage was normal for Taehyung. All eyes were on him as he expressed his feelings but this was different. The center stage that he became so familiar with was on fire and the only one that felt it was him. He stared at Y/N as she wiped tears away from her eyes, "Tae, why are you ignoring me?"

There was an answer but it couldn't leave his lips. He couldn't disappoint her....he couldn't see her eyes look at him with sadness or even pity. That would make him sick. All this was caused by his brain and nothing more.

He placed his hand on top of her knee and produced the best fake smile that he could muster, "I'm sorry love. I've been so tired."

Y/N glanced at his hand and then at his face, "Is that the truth?"

No..."Yes, let's go have dinner. I'm sorry I made you cry."

"Tae, just talk to me, please. I don't want to be left in the dark."

What kind of man am I? "You won't be in the dark."

I'll solve this for us, Y/N. Don't worry about my own foolishness. I'll become better for us.

He quickly snapped out of his thoughts when there was a knock at the door, “Baby, you’ve been in there for a long time...is everything okay?” 

His fingers gripped the countertop and let out a small cough, “I’m okay...I’ll be out in a few minutes.” 

“I’ll start breakfast...” 

He listened to her footsteps until the silence was choking him. He roughly ran his fingers through his hair as he was frustrated with himself. A foolish man with a brain that tortures him and it was all his fault. Nothing more and nothing less. 

ACT I [ Three Months ago] 

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul." - Pablo Neruda, from his poem "Sonnet XVII" in "100 Love Sonnets"

Y/N put her coffee back down as the glare from the Hybe building blinds her. She was sitting at a cafe across the street and on this busy morning in Korea, she was hidden away by a black piece of fabric. It was another typical morning for Y/N, to get a cup of coffee and wait for her boyfriend. Nothing more and nothing less. Well...her boyfriend was someone that everyone knew and the same goes for herself. No one in the public knew that the famous actress; L/N Y/N, was in a relationship with Kim Taehyung of Bts for four years. A secret love that was in the hands of those who were close to them and that's how it's going to be until the time is right to come out. 

She whipped her head towards the door and a smile appeared under her mask when she saw her boyfriend coming in with his black coat hiding who he was. Of course, she knew it was him, she bought him that coat on their second anniversary. She had the matching one but she kept it in a special place with her other special gifts from him. 

She stood up in excitement and quickly made her way towards him. He glanced towards the sudden footsteps and smiled under his mask. She wrapped her arm around his, causing him to snicker at her clinginess, “You look extra mysterious today, love.” 

Taehyung let out a small laugh and glanced at his jacket, “You said you wanted me to dress up like Sherlock. I hope I did him justice.”

She gently picked up the material and smiled, “My favorite detective.”

He entwined their fingers together and walked back towards her table, “Speaking of detective...”

She rolled her eyes at this and looked away from his small smirk, “It’s just another acting gig...”

He rubbed her knuckles and kissed the top of her head, “It’s not just another gig. It’s a Netflix show, that’s incredible. I’m proud of you.”

“I’m just nervous because I’m working with people who have had more experience than me.” 

They sat back at the table and he placed his hand on top of hers on the table, “I think it's exciting. Tell me about it.” 

“It’s called Human Touch...I play the female lead who falls in love with the arrogant detective.” 

He continued to rub her knuckles and nodded his head, “That sounds like all the books you read.”

She felt her face get hot under the mask and she pouted under the mask, “Don’t tease me. Are we still having lunch?” 

“Yeah, but the restaurant we want to go to is closed today. Want to go to Jin’s?” 

“Ohh, that’s free food. Let’s go!~” 

Y/N and Taehyung are the friends-to-lovers story that everyone loves to read. She was Hoseok’s best friend from high school and after not seeing each other in years, Hoseok begged her to come to a concert near where she lived at the time. She just finished her second drama and her name was trending online but that didn’t mean anything to her. She was still a rookie with a famous friend. She didn’t want to be seen as a social climber. Hoseok didn’t really care about that and she finally accepted after he got his sister to ask her to come. 

She entered the dressing room and looked around with wide and curious eyes. The room wasn’t what she was expecting. Honestly, she had no idea what to expect. The room was so large that it should be considered to be a living room. There were couches that were calling out her name but she knew how expensive they were. She didn’t want to get them dirty. 

She glanced down at her backstage pass and took a deep breath. BTS was on a whole new level of fame. She worked with famous actors/actresses but this is so different. They were known around the world and were loved by almost everyone. It made this meeting even more nerve-wracking for her. 

“Are you Hoseok-hyung’s friend?”

She turned her head and she was met with brown eyes that were really close to her own. She jumped back and tilted her head at him, “Y-Yes. Who’s asking?”

“I’m Taehyung. I just wanted to meet the person that Hoseok spent a week talking about.” 

She swallowed her spit and wiped her hand on her jeans, “I hope it was good things...he knows too much about me.”

Taehyung let out a small laugh and nodded his head, “It was all good things which is why I wanted to meet you.”

“I’m nothing special.”

He shook his head and gently tapped the middle of her forehead causing her to blink in confusion, “You are special. Don’t forget that.” 

She felt her face warm and a small smile formed, “The only special one here is you, Kim Taehyung.”

“I see you as someone special, L/N Y/N.” 

Asking her out was the hardest thing that Taehyung encountered. He had never met someone that made him so nervous before. She was different but at the same time, she was something so familiar. They both liked to recreate their first date once in a while when they weren’t too busy with work. It was special for them. 

Y/N was finishing up cleaning the kitchen when she heard a knock on the door. She raised her eyebrow in confusion, she wasn’t expecting anyone tonight. She walked towards the door and looked through the small hole. 

“What the?”

She opened the door and tilted her head, “Jungkook?”

“I have a surprise for you.” 

She glanced at the clock and then back at him, “It’s literally ten at night.”

“Trust me.”

She rolled her eyes and nodded her head, “Fine, you're lucky I like you.” 

What she thought was going to be a quick surprise turned into an hour's drive. She fell asleep in the car as Jungkook held in his laugh when he saw the drool going down her face. He gently shook her and she let out a small groan, “We’re here.”

She rubbed her eyes and looked around with a confused look, “Are we near the mountains?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god, are you killing me?”

Jungkook gave her a confused look and shook his head, “What? No, why would you think that?”

“It’s night time and we’re by the mountains where no one can hear me scream.”

“Fair…Taehyung is waiting for you by the entrance.”

She raised her eyebrow at this and glanced through the glass, “He’s waiting for me?”

“Yeah, hurry up.”

She walked towards the entrance and raised her eyebrow when she saw Taehyung leaning against the entrance sign, “Tae?”

He immediately stood up straight and gave her a boxy smile, “Y-Your here?”

“Yes?”

“He was supposed to text me…never mind that.” He leaned down and took something behind the sign. Her eyes widened at the bright roses and her mouth dropped, “Tae?”

“You said you always wanted red roses and to watch the stars.”

she glanced at the roses and then at him, “I did…you remember that?”

“I always remember what you say.”

She took the roses and smiled at them, “What does this mean?”

“I want you to be my shooting star. Will you be my star?” 

It was the start of something but Y/N never thought Taehyung would see her as more. Now after four years, she’s become more confident with herself and her career. It took a long time but here she was standing strong with a smile on her face and the love of her life supporting her. 

Taehyung opened the door for her and the smell of food hit her with full force. She turned towards Taehyung pulling her mask down, “I’m so excited for this. You have no idea.”

He chuckled at this and gently tapped the middle of her forehead, “It’s because you didn’t eat all day.”

She pouted at this and pulled her mask up, “Leave me alone. Let’s go eat.” 

“Drinking coffee isn’t food, Y/N.”

“Then feeeeddd mee.” 

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Taehyung was in his studio typing away when the door opened. He leaned back in his chair and raised his eyebrow when he saw Jungkook panting heavily, “What happened to you?” 

“Jaehyun told me something interesting.”

“How does that involve me?” 

Jungkook rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone from his pocket. Taehyung continued to watch him with confused eyes, It’s eight in the morning? What could happen this early? He was met with a bright screen and he squinted his eyes at the screen to read whatever it was; NCT Jaehyun stars in a new drama with L/N Y/N. Human Touch is the highly anticipated show after the Webtoon finished in January causing fans to demand a drama. The director said it will come out somewhere between November or December making it the perfect drama for fall or winter. 

Taehyung smiled at this and looked up at Jungkook, “That’s exciting.” 

“I know, Jae said it took a while for SM to accept it but he was glad he got it.” 

“Did he read the comic?”

Jungkook shrugged his shoulders and put his phone back in his pocket, “He said he always wanted to work with Y/N. He really admires her.”

He raised his eyebrow at this but quickly shook the uneasiness, “I’m excited for Y/N. She didn’t think she would get the part.”

“I can’t wait to watch Noona on the screen.” 

“CUT! You did a good job L/N!” 

Y/N smiled at this and bowed at the director. It was another day that she had to film a commercial for a lip product that turned into a photoshoot and shoot. Two for one deal. Her manager walked towards her with a smile, “I have big news.”

Y/N took a sip of her water and raised her eyebrow, “Oh?” 

“Jaehyun is officially part of the cast.”

Y/N’s eyes widened at this and she placed her water on the table, “Really? That’s great. I feel like he would play the role so well.” 

“With your help, SM finally accepted it.” 

“That’s really exciting.” She felt her phone vibrant in her pocket and she took it out. She smiled when she saw it was Taehyung texting her, I saw the article. I’m so proud of you, love. 

“There’s going to be a quick meeting regarding the drama at four this evening.” 

Y/N put her phone back in her pocket and nodded at her manager, “Okay, is it with the full case? That’s really fast.” 

“The director wants to meet with the two leads, that’s it.” 

Y/N nodded her head and glanced at the director for her photoshoot, “I don’t have a problem. I think we're done taking the pictures.” 

“I’ll go speak to the director. You wait here.” 

She watched her manager go towards the director when she felt another buzz in her pocket. She took her phone out and let out a small laugh when she read the text, Why haven’t you messaged me back? :( 

I’m sorry, I was talking to my manager. I’m going to meet Jaehyun today with the director. I’m really excited to meet with him, I begged for the director to get him on this project after watching his audition tape.

Oh? You asked for him? 

It was between Jaehyun and Kyung-soo.

Those are good choices...Are we still up for tonight? 

Of course, we are!

Taehyung placed his phone on his desk as he stared at his computer screen. She asked for him specifically? Why do I feel weird about this? He shook his head and sat up straight in his computer chair, “It’s probably nothing.”

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

She opened the door to see Taehyung on the couch sitting with Yeontan. She raised her eyebrow at this and pouted, “Tae.” 

He turned his head and smiled at her from the couch, “Hey baby.”

This was weird. He usually waited by the door for her but she shrugged her shoulders and set her stuff in their right places, “You didn’t pick up when I called.” 

“Sorry, I just got out of a meeting. I didn’t look at my phone.” 

That was weird, part two. He always checked his phone but she let it slide because she knew he was busy with his music. She nodded her head and walked towards him with her slippers echoing through the apartment. She sat next to him and leaned her head against his arm, “The meeting went well. Jaehyun is perfect for this role.” 

Taehyung nodded his head and kissed the top of her head, “I’m happy for you. What do you want for dinner?” 

“Oh, Jaehyun bought me some food after the meeting. I’m okay.”

Taehyung nodded his head but he had a sharp look that Y/N didn’t notice, “What did he get you?” 

“He got me japchae and yook hwei.” 

How did he know that was her favorite? “Oh, that’s your favorite. That’s good he got that for you.” 

“It was really sweet of him to do that. He wanted to show he was grateful for me.” 

Taehyung swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded his head, “For?”

“Basically telling SM to give him this role. It wasn’t easy but we won at the end of the day. I’m just glad the show is going to be so good with him on the team.”

Why is she so excited for him? “I’m glad...” 

Act II [ Green Eyed] 

‘There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy.’ - Lope De Vega 

“Baek-hyeon, I-I-”

He rolled his eyes and turned towards Aera with an annoyed look, “You don’t believe in me? Why?”

Aera shook her head at this, “I do believe in you-”

“Then act like it.”

Aera took a step back and looked away from him. She couldn’t see the anger in his eyes, “I’m just scared for you. It’s dangerous for you.”

“I’m a detective. This is what I do.”

“CUT!” 

Y/N turned towards the director and pouted, “What’s wrong?” 

“The lighting made a glare in the lens. We need to re-do the scene.” 

Y/N nodded her head and turned towards Jaehyun with a smile, “You did really well. I think you need to be more assertive when you say I’m a detective. It would sound better.”

“You think so? I don’t want them to hate him.”

“His personality is arrogant and he’s somewhat cold. It’s going to show good character development later on.”

Jaehyun nodded his head at her and put his fingers under his chin, “Ah, I see. I’ll make notes. Thanks.” 

She watched him go to his chair as she went towards her dressing room. Even though this morning was productive, it wasn’t a good one. Taehyung left without saying goodbye to her but he texted her saying he had a surprise morning meeting. He always said goodbye to her, no matter what. 

She sat in her dressing room and clicked on the person she wanted to FaceTime with, “Hey you.” 

Kim Sejeong repositioned her camera and waved at her, “Hey, how’s filming?”

Y/N leaned back in her chair and smiled, “It was good. We got half of the first episode done.” 

Sejeong raised her eyebrow at her tone, “What’s wrong?”

Y/N sighed and shook her head, “I think I’m overthinking.”

“You tend to do that. What’s wrong?”

“Taehyung, he didn’t say goodbye to me this morning. He always kisses the top of my head but he didn’t do it this time.”

“Did he text you?”

Y/N pouted and nodded her head, “He did…you think I’m overthinking?”

“It depends. What did the text say?”

“Sorry, I didn’t kiss you. I had a surprise meeting.”

Sejeong raised her eyebrow at this, “Is that all he said?”

“Yeah, he didn’t send his usual heart emoji to me.”

“Maybe he’s busy. It was a surprise meeting.”

Y/N nodded her head, “Maybe. The past two weeks have been crazy. I’ve been filming non-stop and it feels like I barely see him.” 

“Try and squeeze him in there. Tell him you love him more.”

There was a knock on the door and she glanced at the dark wood, “Y/N, the director is ready.” 

She glanced back at her phone and waved at Sejeong, “I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Talk to you later. Fighting!”

Taehyung sat in the practice room with a blank expression. Y/N has been so busy with filming that she’s barely had time with her. He understood but she was spending so much time with Jaehyun that he was becoming a second thought. He knows how it is, filming and all that. Logically he understands but emotionally he doesn’t. That was the frustrating part. He knew it was stupid to feel like this but he couldn’t help it.

The door opened and Jimin raised his eyebrow to see Taehyung sitting on the ground. He set his stuff on the floor and made his way to him. Taehyung was in such deep thought that he didn’t even notice Jimin sitting next to him. 

“You good?”

Taehyung jumped and turned to see Jimin’s concerned eyes, “You scared me.”

“I didn’t mean to. You look like you got stuff on your mind.”

“I do.”

“You want to talk about it?”

Taehyung sat there for a minute and thought about it. If he told Jimin then he would suggest talking to Y/N and he really didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want Y/N to know how he was feeling because it was wrong for him to feel like that. She has never felt jealous with all the dating rumors he got with other girls. He couldn’t tell her that he was jealous because of this. It didn’t make sense to feel that way. 

“No, it’s just something stupid.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. Don’t worry.” 

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Y/N and Taehyung were on a date and Y/N planned the whole day. After talking with Sejeong, she decided that on her next day off she was going to spend the whole day with Taehyung. She was going to do everything they like to do together today. It’s been about a month since they really had a date, a real date. They had quick lunches but she didn’t consider those to be dates, 

She’s also noticed that Taehyung has been acting differently. At first, she thought she was overthinking but now she knew it wasn’t her mind playing games. There was something wrong with him. She kinda figured that it was because she wasn’t really talking to him or spending time with him. It was her fault that there was miscommunication and she wanted to say sorry for it. 

They walked in the private park near their apartment and she planned to have a simple picnic. It was a nice day, the sun was out after a long week of rain. It was finally sunny, it was a sign from the universe to fix their problem. 

They sat near the small pound and she took out all of the sandwiches that she made for the day. She sent the last drink and looked at him with a smile, “I made all your favorites. They ran out of your tea so I got the lemonade you like. Is that okay?”

Taehyung picked up a sandwich and nodded his head, “It’s fine.” 

She smiled at this and looked across the pond, “It’s a nice day. I’m glad I get to spend the day with you.”

“I am too.”

She looked back at him and she frowned a little, “I’m sorry that I haven’t really been talking to you that much. I feel bad...I noticed that you haven’t really talked to me. I’m sorry that I only noticed until a couple of days ago.” 

Taehyung stopped eating and stared at the pink blanket. I made her feel like this? It’s so stupid that I feel like this. It’s not worth making her sad. He put down the sandwich and looked at her with a small smile, “It’s my fault too. I have a phone, I know how to use it. Don’t apologize.”

She placed her hand on top of his and shook her head, “You always text me first. I should’ve texted you first. I wanted this date to be perfect.”

Taehyung gave her a small smile and leaned forward placing a quick kiss on her lips, “It is perfect.” 

Right before she could say something, her phone buzzed. She picked her phone up and unlocked it to see Jaehyun texted her, I was wondering if tonight we can practice our lines together. I’m having a hard time with this upcoming scene

Of course, we can. Is it the ice skating scene?

Yeah, I don’t know how to express his feelings and I can’t land my lines

Don’t worry I’ll help you. Is seven good?

That’s perfect, thanks

No problem 

Y/N put her phone back and she smiled at him, “I’m just glad I can spend time with you. I missed you.”

“Who was that?”

She raised her eyebrow and glanced at her phone then back at him, “It was just Jaehyun. He needed help with a scene.”

Taehyung felt his chest tighten. That was the second time that Jaehyun asked for help. He knew acting was hard but to ask for help constantly from her, that’s weird. Well to him. Logically it makes sense to ask for help but he didn’t want it to be her. He took a bit from his sandwich and nodded his head, “How’s it going with filming?”

Y/N took a sip of her lemonade and smiled, “It’s been so good. All the scenes look really good and I’m so excited for you to see the final product. I worked really hard.” 

“I know you’ve been working hard. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you, baby. 

He tried his best to smile but it was really hard especially when his chest hurts, “How’s Jaehyun?”

“He’s been working really hard. This is his first real acting gig and he’s improving with each shoot. I knew he was the perfect choice.”

Perfect choice....”I’m glad..”

“Tae, are you okay?

“I am. Why?”

She tilted her head and frowned at him, “There’s something on your mind...I can tell. You can tell me anything.” 

This has nothing to do with you...It’s my own dumb thoughts. He leaned towards her and placed a kiss on her forehead, “I’m just stressed about work. That’s all.”

“I’ll yell at Namjoon for making you work so much. You need a break.”

My brain needs a break from everything. “You need a break too, baby.”

“Let’s watch our anime today and just watch the clouds. That would be perfect.”

“It will be, love.”

They laid back and watched the romance anime that they started together. It was a cute anime, a simple school anime but nevertheless, they loved it. Taehyung glanced at Y/N who was snuggling up into his side. She was so beautiful, especially in moments like this. He turned his attention back to the screen and his smile disappeared. He watched the female lead kiss another guy for a play they were holding. He watched the male lead leave the stage and he couldn’t help but feel seen at that moment. It was silly to find an anime to resonate with you. 

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

She sighed at the phone and tossed it onto her table. It’s been two months and Taehyung is acting worse now. He barely texted her and when they were in the same room he barely talked to her. She knew she was lacking on her half of the chorus and she knew that all her reasons were sounding like excuses now. She didn’t want Taehyung to feel like she was taking advantage of him. That was the last thing she wanted him to feel. 

She walked out of her dressing room and entered the meeting room. She bowed to everyone and sat next to Jaehyun with a smile on her face, “Do you know what this meeting is for?”

Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his water, “I heard it’s about a scene.” 

“Scene?” 

The director let out a small cough and smiled at everyone, “The next scene is going to be a tough one. Jaehyun, you will have a stunt double jumping off a building while it’s raining. The scene itself is Baek-hyeon and Aera’s first kiss. Aera will kiss Baek-hyeon out of panic for his safety but Baek-hyeon will not acknowledge it because he knows it was out of panic. This scene is going to show Aera finally accepting her feelings towards Baek-hyeon. Today let’s take a break and come back tomorrow for this scene.” 

Y/N smiled at this and looked at Jaehyun, “Your first stunt double. That’s exciting.” 

“It is. I like the story so far.”

“I do too. You want to get lunch?”

“Lunch sounds good.”

They stood up and bowed to everyone as they made their way out of the office. Jaehyun opened the door for her and they headed towards a restaurant right across their building. They talked about random things, Jaehyun told her about his solo album that he was working on but he had no idea when it was going to come out. She told him that after this drama, she is going to take a small break and focus on her personal life. 

They sat together and clinked their beer bottles together, “Baek-hyeon!”

“Aera!~” 

She let out a small laugh and took her phone out to send a text to Taehyung, I’m eating with Jaehyun! I’ll be home in an hour. I love you.

Be safe. Love u. 

Taehyung stood in his bedroom and frowned at himself. This was the second dinner that Y/N missed. He knew it was his fault for not voicing his feelings but what was he supposed to say to her? “Stop hanging out with Jaehyun because I feel insecure.” That sounded ridiculous because he had no right to be insecure with their relationship. He had everything he could ask for. An apartment, a dog he loves, a girlfriend that he wants to marry someday, and a job that will help his family for the rest of his life. What more can he ask for? 

He got up and decided to take a quick walk around the neighborhood. The fresh air can help him clear his mind. He put the leash on Yeontan and locked up his house. The walk was nice. There was a light wind that put him at ease and the smell of the flowers made him think of Y/N. It was truly relaxing. 

Y/N let out a laugh and leaned back in her chair, “I would love to meet Mark. I think I would get along with him.” 

“I think so too.” 

She took the final sip of her beer and smiled, “I think I’m done for the night.” 

“Let me get you a ride.” 

Y/N shook her head and took her phone out, “I’ll do it. Don’t worry.” 

“No, let me. I want to make sure you get home safe.” 

“Fine, I’ll pay for your food next time.”

Jaehyun smiled at this and took his jacket off of his chair, “Perfect.”

Jaehyun waited for the car and opened the door for her and waved at her, “Have a good night. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Thank you, Jae. Get home safely.” 

“I will.” 

Y/N leaned her head against the glass and let out a deep sigh. She was feeling better after going out and having fun. She didn’t think about her stress at home and was finally able to clear her mind. Maybe now she could tell Taehyung how much she missed him. She rushed her way into the building and she was so excited to see him that she didn’t notice her hair tie falling out of her hair. She opened the door and she smiled when she saw Taehyung in the living room holding Yeontan in his arms. 

She rushed towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist causing him to jump at the sudden action. He set Yeontan down and turned around to see Y/N already looking at him, “Y/N?”

“I missed you.” 

He smiled to himself and kissed the top of her head, “I missed you more.” 

“I have the rest of the night off.”

“You want to relax?” 

“Can we have a bath? We’ve been so busy and I just want to be in your arms.” 

He felt warmth spread through his body and wrapped his arms around her waist, “I’ll hold you.” 

Something within him changed and she felt his tight grip on her ass as he pushed her against the wall near the bathroom. He tasted the alcohol but he ignored it because all he saw was her, “T-Tae.” 

She gasped against his lips but hearing her say his name made his mind blinded with the need of her. His grip only tightened as he ground his hips against hers, “Y/N.”

“C-Can’t we go to the bedroom?” 

“No.” He muttered, lips moving down her neck with his teeth scraping over her collarbone, “I need you now.” 

He dragged her back to the couch with his hands already ripping off her clothes as he pushed her down into the cushions. The look in his eyes was something that she missed. It’s been a while since they had sex. It was due to their crazy work schedule but that all changes tonight, “I missed you.” 

He yanked off his shirt and smiled down at her, “Missed you more.” His hands traced every curve of her body, squeezing her thighs, and his rough fingers brushing over her nipples. He kissed down to her stomach and spread open her legs to get what he wanted. Her clit in his mouth, sucking on it like he was dying. The way he worked his tongue made sure she remembered what it was like to be with him. 

He stood up and cussed under his breath, “Let me get a condom.” 

“I-I’ll be here...” 

She watched him leave and she couldn’t help but laugh. She propped herself up on the couch with her on all fours waiting for him. When he entered back, he couldn’t help the smirk appearing. He slid the condom on and rubbed her back, “Good girl.” 

“Tae, I need you.” 

He didn’t bother with responding and pushed himself into her. He felt her pussy clenched around his cock and he couldn’t help but let out a groan, “I’m the only one that makes you feel like this.” 

“O-Only you.” 

“It’s always going to be me.” 

He let out another groan, sliding deeper into her. He missed this. Her in his arms and just loving each other. It was his fault but maybe the feelings will go away now that they're together. He looked down at her and seeing her whimper just made him feel his heart swell. He rubbed her hips gently as he continued to thrust into her. Her breath caught in her throat and a breathy gasp escaped. 

She spasmed around him and she felt her body shiver at the feeling. Taehyung put two fingers in her mouth and she would never deny him. He brought the fingers down to her clit, making her back arched. He felt himself release into the condom and he leaned down kissing her neck. They pressed their forehead together and he kissed her lips, “I love you.”

“I love you more. So much more, Y/N.” 

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

“Taehyung, are you going to watch me film?” 

Taehyung smiled at her and nodded his head, “You watched me film for my music video. I need to do the same with you now.” 

Y/N smiled and nodded her head as she put her jacket on, “I’m excited. It’s one of the final scenes.” 

Taehyung put on his shoes and nodded his head, “Oh, what’s the scene?”

“Baek-hyeon and Aera kiss but they're not together yet. It’s just her realizing that she liked him.” 

“You're going to kiss Jaehyun today?” 

She turned towards him and nodded her head, “Yeah, it’s our first kissing scene and I’m hoping it’s a one-take.” 

Taehyung nodded his head and ran his fingers through his hair, “I’m hoping that too...”

She raised her eyebrow and tilted her head, “What was that?” 

“Nothing, just having a hard time putting my shoes on.” 

They got into his car and he couldn’t focus on anything she was talking about. He kept picturing her kissing Jaehyun. He knew it was for a show but seeing her kiss Jaehyun was different. She wanted Jaehyun on this project and he couldn’t let that go. She was so excited for him to be on this, how was going to focus?

“Tae, are you okay?”

He parked the car and turned towards her with a small smile, “I’m okay. Are you ready?”

“Always.” 

He sat in the background and he saw the chemistry that she had with Jaehyun. He felt his chest tighten when he saw Jaehyun pushing some hair back, touching her face gently. He watched Y/N wrap her arms around his neck and brought him into a kiss. The kiss was like their first kiss, shocking but passionate. He hated it. 

“CUT! ONE MORE TAKE!” 

This was going to kill him. He knows it. He leaned more into the chair and tried his best to ignore the kissing scene but he couldn’t help it. His eyes always moved up from his phone and watched Y/N kiss him. Over and over again. 

It's been a rule, if you date an actor or actress you have to be strong. Especially when you see them kissing another for their new drama. Why is it so hard to be strong?

Final Act [ Don’t Leave Me Please ] 

“Now my forever’s falling down’ - V, Sweet Night 

It was the early morning, the streets were still empty as the sun gently entered the buildings waking everyone up from their deep sleep. Y/N slowly opened her eyes when she heard a cabinet close from the bathroom. She let out a small groan and turned towards the clock on her nightstand, 07:35 am. She ran her hand through her messy hair as she let a deep sigh out. Today was supposed to be her day off, and so was Taehyung’s but it seems like things have changed.

She glanced at the door with a frown, the talk from last night was still clouding up her mind. There was something wrong but she can’t change anything if he doesn’t tell her anything. She quickly shook her head and picked up her phone to message Sejeong. 

How is he?

She looked up from the text and stared at the wall with a hard look. It was a simple question that had a complex answer. An answer that she doesn’t have, which made things harder. 

I don’t know...he hasn’t really talked to me since our conversation. 

Give him some time. 

 Taehyung stared at the mirror with a hard look. He didn’t get much sleep last night, who would? Seeing the person you love cry because of your own foolishness could keep anyone up. That’s what made things so hard, especially right now. He glanced down at the sink as he closed his eyes and the scene replayed right before him. 

Being center stage was normal for Taehyung. All eyes were on him as he expressed his feelings but this was different. The center stage that he became so familiar with was on fire and the only one that felt it was him. He stared at Y/N as she wiped tears away from her eyes, "Tae, why are you ignoring me?"

There was an answer but it couldn't leave his lips. He couldn't disappoint her....he couldn't see her eyes look at him with sadness or even pity. That would make him sick. All this was caused by his brain and nothing more.

He placed his hand on top of her knee and produced the best fake smile that he could muster, "I'm sorry love. I've been so tired."

Y/N glanced at his hand and then at his face, "Is that the truth?"

No..."Yes, let's go have dinner. I'm sorry I made you cry."

"Tae, just talk to me, please. I don't want to be left in the dark."

What kind of man am I? "You won't be in the dark."

I'll solve this for us, Y/N. Don't worry about my own foolishness. I'll become better for us.

He quickly snapped out of his thoughts when there was a knock at the door, “Baby, you’ve been in there for a long time...is everything okay?” 

His fingers gripped the countertop and let out a small cough, “I’m okay...I’ll be out in a few minutes.” 

“I’ll start breakfast...” 

He listened to her footsteps until the silence was choking him. He roughly ran his fingers through his hair as he was frustrated with himself. A foolish man with a brain that tortures him and it was all his fault. Nothing more and nothing less. 

Taehyung has been like this for weeks now. Ever since the kiss, she knew something was really wrong. Not even his members could answer her and that’s what made everything so frustrating. No one knew what was wrong with him. 

She was home now, filming was over with and she thought things would change but nothing. Taehyung was still acting like she wasn’t there. The next month would be when she would go overseas for the next episodes and she wouldn't see him. She needed to settle this now before things got worse. 

Taehyung entered the kitchen and she sighed at his aura. She turned towards him with her arms crossed, “Tae, Jae invited us to his concert tonight. I was thinking-”

“I don’t want to go.”

Y/N frowned at this and shook her head at this, “Why? It would be a good date-”

“I just don’t want to go. You can have fun with Jaehyun.” 

She rolled her eyes and took her breakfast, “Fine.” 

He watched her leave the kitchen and he couldn’t help but feel like shit. He continued to make her upset but she was doing this for her. If he didn’t see Jaehyun then he wouldn’t feel the way he does. It would benefit the both of them but he couldn’t tell her this. He didn’t want to explain how he felt. It was hard for him to understand, he still didn’t understand how he felt or maybe he did but he didn’t want to voice it. He looked down at his food and felt sick to his stomach, he kept fucking up and he hated himself for that. 

She ate in the living room and ignored him sitting next to her. She was just focusing on her phone and she texted Sejeong again. He doesn’t want to go to the concert with me.

Y/N...have you ever considered that he could be jealous?

What? Why would he be jealous? 

Just think about it.

She glanced up from her phone and then at him, jealous? Why would Taehyung be jealous? 

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

The concert was amazing, she was finally going to meet NCT and she was so excited to do so. She was upset that Taehyung wasn’t with her but she tried her best to ignore that. She walked towards backstage and waved her hand at Jaehyun with excitement. She gave him a friendly hug and patted his back, “You were amazing out there.” 

���Thanks, Y/N, it means a lot. Did Taehyung not come?”

She frowned and shook her head, “He didn’t want to come.” 

“I’m sorry Y/N. I thought this concert would bring you two together...not push you further apart.” 

“What do you mean?”  

Jaehyun let out a small chuckle and shook his head, “You don’t see it?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Y/N, Taehyung is jealous.”

She let out a small laugh and rolled her eyes, “He can’t be-”

“Why? Why can’t he feel jealous?” 

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows at him, “He’s never jealous. I tried making him jealous before we started dating and he never showed me signs.”

“He probably was jealous and never showed you...I would be jealous if I saw my girlfriend kiss another guy in front of me.”

“But he knows this is my job.”

Jaehyun shook his head at this, “It doesn’t matter. You can’t stop the heart.” 

Y/N looked down at the ground and then back at Jaehyun with a guilty face, “Oh my god...I noticed that he was acting differently but I always assumed it was because of me...I thought it was because I was working so much.” 

“This is why you guys talk to each other. You can solve a lot of problems by talking.”

Y/N let out a frustrated groan and shook her head, “Shut up, I don’t need this right now. I’m going home to fix it.” 

“Tell him I said hi.”

She ignored him and made her way out of the arena. She didn’t even realize how fast she was walking until she bumped into someone. She looked up to say sorry but her eyes widened when she saw who it was, “Taehyung?” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come with you. I was acting childish for not speaking up when something was wrong.”

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around his waist, “No, I’m stupid because I noticed something was wrong but I didn’t do anything to fix it.” 

“No, I didn’t voice anything to you. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” 

She was about to disagree but Taehyung brought her into a kiss, a sweet quick kiss. He put their foreheads together and smiled, “I’ll tell you more when we get home but I just needed to kiss you.” 

“I liked it...Jaehyun told me you were jealous. Before we go, can you tell me.”

Taehyung sighed and glanced at the wall with a guilty look, “Yeah...I was jealous. I’ll tell you more at home.” 

She nodded her head and made their way to his car, hand in hand. For the first time, they didn’t care if they were seen. The car ride was quiet as he moved his way in and out of the busy streets. She sat down on their couch and she looked up at him with eyes that made him feel safe. He ran his fingers through his hair and turned back at her, “I talked to Yoongi...”

“Oh? When?”

“When you left...”

Taehyung sighed to himself as he sat back on his bed. He felt guilty but he couldn’t see Y/N cheer for Jaehyun. It was too much for him. He grabbed his phone and dialed the person that always helped him, “Hello?”

“Hyung, I need help.”

Yoongi sighed into his phone, “Is everything okay? Did you do something stupid again-”

“I’m jealous of Jaehyun.”

“Wait, you're jealous?” 

Taehyung sighed and laid on the bed looking up at the ceiling with a blank face, “I’m jealous of seeing him with Y/N. It’s so stupid because I know it’s her job and all this-”

“Tae, you can’t control how you feel. It happens.”

“I never feel like this. I shouldn’t be jealous, I have everything I could ever ask for.”

Yoongi sighed again and Taehyung could imagine him shaking his head, “It doesn’t matter what you have, sometimes you can’t help it. It’s okay to feel like that but you have to tell Y/N. I’m going to guess you didn’t tell her.”

Taehyung rubbed his forehead roughly, “No...I was hiding it from her.”

“How long?”

“Four months....”

“Dude, you're stupid. Go talk to her, now. Before I go down there and cut your hair.” 

Y/N let out a small laugh and shook her head, “I can see Yoongi say that...Taehyung, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I felt like it was stupid. You were never jealous of what I do and I felt like if I was jealous...it would show you I’m not strong enough.”

Y/N stood up from the couch and stood in front of him. She pushed some hair back and shook her head, “You're strong to me. It makes you stronger when you talk about your feelings.” 

“I know that now...It was because you wanted Jaehyun on this project. You were so excited to be in this series that it made me feel...it made me feel jealous that you wanted him. I thought it was because you had feelings for him or something. It’s stupid.”

“Stop saying that, it’s not stupid. It’s how you feel. I wanted Jaehyun because he wanted me to help him with his acting. I also saw how well he acted in his tape and it would be stupid of me to deny him. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” 

“I just wanted to show you that I’m supportive.”

“I already knew that, Tae.”

She leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. He smiled at her and leaned his forehead against hers, “I asked for the next couple of months off so I could go with you to film.”

“Really!?”

He nodded his head and kissed the tip of her nose, “I’ll show you how I’m the supportive boyfriend. Even if I’m jealous sometimes...”

She let out a small laugh and shook her head, “My little jelly bean.”

He rolled his eyes and pushed some hair back, “Please don’t leave me.”

“I would never leave you...ever.”

Epilogue 

“I need you like a heart needs a beat” - One Republic

Y/N put her earring in when the dressing room door opened. She turned around and smiled, “You look great.”

Taehyung fixed his tie and smirked at her. He slowly walked up to her and one finger trailed from her cleavage to her chin, “I could say the same.”

She was wearing a black sequin dress that showed off her curves perfectly. Taehyung always went weak when she had bright red lipstick, it made him want to eat her out right there. Y/N pulled his tie to give him a quick kiss, “Are you going to be jealous tonight? You're going to see me kiss Jaehyun on the big screen.”

“Keep teasing me like that and I’ll make the press write an interesting story.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Why is Y/N limping?”

She felt her face get hot and she smacked his chest, “You're so annoying.” 

“But I’m yours.”

She let out a small laugh and wrapped her arms around his shoulder, “You're all mine. Forever.” As she said this, her ring shined under the dim dressing room light. The press was going to have a field day with that but they didn’t care. This was their universe and we were just living in it. 

[readbyred]

may i request how the dps boys would react to realising they have a severe crush on a, preferably shy, reader! tysm <\3

Oh, I've been waiting for dps requests! Sorry for my late replies everybody, I got demotivated again because tumblr deleted a few of my x reader posts (and a few others). But I'll try to not let that happen again if I can even help it

I think Knox would have such a silly time trying to approach you. Because we all know he’s awkward, but determined at best and, well… pushy at worst. I'm trying to go with the version I saw in a play, because thankfully they cut out the party scene which means he’s still delightfully insufferable but not awful. Anyways, he would jump on every occasion to talk to you. And then just. Stand there. He’d try to give you flowers and poems, everything really. But he loses brain cells every time he’s around you. At least you’re both equally stressed about social interactions. He gets a little braver when you give him a smile or any other sign you like him. Not less awkward, but a bit more motivated to go for it. His main problem is that he can't read you well and despite being big on feelings and all, he still has a hard time actually talking to you. Clumsily, he showers you with over the top things, that most would find cringey but you think of as endearing. And if he thinks there's a chance he’ll lose you, he’ll confess right away. I think he is brave and pretty open about feelings. Just stressed out

With Neil, it's not an issue at all that you're shy. He’s more so taken aback by his own strong feelings. Because he wasn't expecting to fall this hard. But give him like five work days to process and he’ll be all in. I feel like he would take his time to confess but he’d make it known that he cares about you. He’d be checking up on you every time he can, bringing you coffee, asking to practice lines together, go to the movies in town. Even before you two start dating you just wake up and half of his sweatshirts are in your drawer (he likes to borrow you his clothes if you’re cold) and your desk is littered with poems he shared with you. He’s a gentle lover, but he knows what he wants and when the time is right Neil has no problem confessing

It's much funnier with Cameron because this boy is in panic mode 24/7. At first he legit thought he was sick because he always felt dizzy and distracted around you. And he’s a traditionalist. Everything has to be perfect when you’re around. Like he beats himself up about every little mistake he made around you. But also makes a point to treat you RIGHT. If you’re shy he might not know how to approach you at first, because he’s not sure if you’re even interested. And how to make you like him. After much teasing (mainly from Charlie, of course) he gets fed up with his friends and decides to make a move. It might not be the most romantic when he does, but it's sweet and genuine

Another one that would take time to confess is Meeks. He’s pretty quick to accept that he’s crushing on you. He’s like, yeah obviously they are amazing, now what do I do with that? He tries to give you things. Small things. Like maybe he could borrow you a book that you’ve wanted to read for a long time of buy you a coffee/tea if you’re out in the town. He doesn't explicitly say that he liked you but it's easy to tell and he’s not one to be shy about it either. So when you guys do get together, you already know his more… romantic side

On the contrary, Charlie takes time to process his feelings. He had crushes before, but real feelings (strong ones at that) aren't the norm for him. Sometimes he catches himself losing his cool around you and it messes with him so bad. He would probably ask Knox for advice. Which is a bad move. But he figures that at least his friend is more familiar with having those sorts of feelings. Nothing much comes of it because I can't imagine Knox giving him any good advice on the subject, but after he was able to talk about liking you, he decides to just go for it. Well, in small steps. Primarily because he’s just not an intense guy, but also because he’s surprisingly mature when it comes to respecting your levels of comfort. Doesn't mean it gets boring though, it's Charlie we’re talking about. Once you get together there's not a one dull moment with him by your side

With Todd, it might be difficult at first. He’s overwhelmed by fis feelings and has a tendency to talk himself out of making any sorts of moves. Why would you like somebody like him? He tells himself he doesn't have a chance, surely. It only confirms his suspicions when you don't take initiative. It's only after he’s been moping around for a few days that Neil approaches him about it and proceeds to give him shit for not doing anything to let you know his feelings. He’s like, bro, so you care about them so much that you’d rather not have them in your life because you want them in your life so much??? Make it make sense. So with Neil's encouragement, he tries to at least talk to you and see where it goes from there. Still shocked when you end up returning his feelings. You’re in his poems now, even if it's not very obvious (he's not as straightforward as Knox, so it's not ‘i love (yn) and I want them to be mine’ kind of deal). This is the only one where I'm sure you might have to make some sort of a move. Todd’s like a spider - he’s more scared than you are and if he could, he would just silently hang out in the corner of the room you’re in. But he gets a little braver after he starts feeling more secure

Lastly, Pitts is not as bad as Todd, but still takes his time. He’s comfortable with liking you and he knows what he likes, but he’s not in any rush to make things official. So any time he has any chance to talk to you, he does and just wants to see how things go from there. He jokes around with you, asks to come study together, tries to be close. He does care, just in a more chill way than some of the other poets would. If you two have been talking for some time, he would have no problem asking you to go out with him, doesn't make you feel pressured or anything. If the others are cool with it he will do his best to have you come to their meetings at night as well. So you do not only get an awesome boyfriend out of it, but also a great friend group

[soracities]

what are your suggestions for starter poetry for people who dont have strong reading/analysis backgrounds

I've answered this a few times so I'm going to compile and expand them all into one post here.

I think if you haven't read much poetry before or aren't sure of your own tastes yet, then poetry anthologies are a great place to start: many of them will have a unifying theme so you can hone in based on a subject that interests you, or pick your way through something more general. I haven't read all of the ones below, but I have read most of them; the rest I came across in my own readings and added to my list either because I like the concept or am familiar with the editor(s) / their work:

Staying Alive: Real Poems for Unreal Times (ed. Nick Astley) & Being Alive: The Sequel to Staying Alive (there's two more books in this series, but I'm recommending these two just because it's where I started)

The Rattlebag (ed. Seamus Heaney and Ted Hughes)

The Ecco Anthology of International Poetry (ed. Ilya Kaminsky & Susan Harris)

The Essential Haiku, Versions of Basho, Buson and Issa (ed. Robert Hass)

A Book of Luminous Things (ed. Czesław Miłosz )

Now and Then: The Poet's Choice Columns by Robert Hass (this may be a good place to start if you're also looking for commentary on the poems themselves)

Poetry Unbound: 50 Poems to Open Your World(ed. Pádraig Ó'Tuama)

African American Poetry: 250 Years of Struggle and Song (ed. Kevin Young)

The Art of Losing: Poems of Grief and Healing (ed. Kevin Young)

Lifelines: Letters from Famous People about their Favourite Poems

The following lists are authors I love in one regard or another and is a small mix of different styles / time periods which I think are still fairly accessible regardless of what your reading background is! It's be no means exhaustice but hopefully it gives you even just a small glimpse of the range that's available so you can branch off and explore for yourself if any particular work speaks to you.

But in any case, for individual collections, I would try:

anything by Sara Teasdale

Devotions / Wild Geese / Felicity by Mary Oliver

Selected Poems and Prose by Christina Rossetti

Collected Poems by Langston Hughes

Where the Sidewalk Endsby Shel Silverstein

Morning Haiku by Sonia Sanchez

Revolutionary Letters, Diane di Prima

Concerning the Book That Is the Body of the Beloved by Gregory Orr

Rose: Poems by Li-Young Lee

A Red Cherry on a White-Tiled Floor / Barefoot Souls by Maram al-Masri

Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky

Tell Me: Poems / What is This Thing Called Love? by Kim Addonizio

The Trouble with Poetry by Billy Collins (Billy Collins is THE go-to for accessible / beginner poetry in my view so I think any of his collections would probably do)

Crush by Richard Siken

Rapture / The World's Wife by Carol Ann Duffy

The War Works Hard by Dunya Mikhail

Selected Poems by Walt Whitman

View with a Grain of Sand by Wislawa Szymborska

Collected Poems by Vasko Popa

Under Milkwood by Dylan Thomas (this is a play, but Thomas is a poet and the language & structure is definitely poetic to me)

Bright Dead Things: Poems by Ada Limón

Teaching My Mother How to Give Birth by Warsan Shire,

Nostalgia, My Enemy: Selected Poems by Saadi Youssef

As for individual poems:

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

[Dear The Vatican] erasure poem by Pádraig Ó'Tuama // "The Pedagogy of Conflict"

"Good Bones" by Maggie Smith

"The Author Writes the First Draft of His Weddings Vows (An erasure of Virginia Woolf's suicide letter to her husband, Leonard)" by Hanif Abdurraqib

"I Can Tell You a Story" by Chuck Carlise

"The Sciences Sing a Lullabye" by Albert Goldbarth

"One Last Poem for Richard" by Sandra Cisneros

"We Lived Happily During the War" by Ilya Kaminsky

“I’m Explaining a Few Things”by Pablo Neruda

"Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening" //"Nothing Gold Can Stay"//"Out, Out--" by Robert Frost

"Tablets: I // II // III"by Dunya Mikhail

"What Were They Like?" by Denise Levertov

"Those Winter Sundays" by Robert Hayden,

"The Patience of Ordinary Things" by Pat Schneider

“I, too” // "The Negro Speaks of Rivers” // "Harlem” // “Theme for English B” by Langston Hughes

“The Mower” // "The Trees" // "High Windows" by Philip Larkin

“The Leash” // “Love Poem with Apologies for My Appearance” // "Downhearted" by Ada Limón

“The Flea” by John Donne

"The Last Rose of Summer" by Thomas Moore

"Beauty" // "Please don't" // "How it Adds Up" by Tony Hoagland

“My Friend Yeshi” by Alice Walker

"De Humanis Corporis Fabrica"byJohn Burnside

“What Do Women Want?” // “For Desire” // "Stolen Moments" // "The Numbers" by Kim Addonizio

“Hummingbird” // "For Tess" by Raymond Carver

"The Two-Headed Calf" by Laura Gilpin

“Bleecker Street, Summer” by Derek Walcott

“Dirge Without Music” // "What Lips My Lips Have Kissed" by Edna St. Vincent Millay

“Digging” // “Mid-Term Break” // “The Rain Stick” // "Blackberry Picking" // "Twice Shy" by Seamus Heaney

“Dulce Et Decorum Est”by Wilfred Owen

“Notes from a Nonexistent Himalayan Expedition”by Wislawa Szymborska

"Hour" //"Medusa" byCarol Ann Duffy

“The More Loving One” // “Musée des Beaux Arts” by W.H. Auden

“Small Kindnesses” // "Feeding the Worms" by Danusha Laméris

"Down by the Salley Gardens” // “The Stolen Child” by W.B. Yeats

"The Thing Is" by Ellen Bass

"The Last Love Letter from an Entymologist" by Jared Singer

"[i like my body when it is with your]" by e.e. cummings

"Try to Praise the Mutilated World" by Adam Zagajewski

"The Cinnamon Peeler" by Michael Ondaatje

"Last Night I Dreamed I Made Myself" by Paige Lewis

"A Dream Within a Dream" // "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe (highly recommend reading the last one out loud or listening to it recited)

"Ars Poetica?" // "Encounter" // "A Song on the End of the World"by Czeslaw Milosz

"Wandering Around an Albequerque Airport Terminal” // "Two Countries” // "Kindness” by Naoimi Shihab Nye

"Slow Dance” by Matthew Dickman

"The Archipelago of Kisses" // "The Quiet World" by Jeffrey McDaniel

"Mimesis" by Fady Joudah

"The Great Fires" // "The Forgotten Dialect of the Heart" // "Failing and Flying" by Jack Gilbert

"The Mermaid" // "Virtuosi" by Lisel Mueller

"Macrophobia (Fear of Waiting)" by Jamaal May

"Someday I'll Love Ocean Vuong" by Ocean Vuong

"Still I Rise" by Maya Angelou

I would also recommend spending some times with essays, interviews, or other non-fiction, creative or otherwise (especially by other poets) if you want to broaden and improve how you read poetry; they can help give you a wider idea of the landscape behind and beyond the actual poems themselves, or even just let you acquaint yourself with how particular writers see and describe things in the world around them. The following are some of my favourites:

Upstream: Essays by Mary Oliver

"Theory and Play of the Duende" by Federico García Lorca

"The White Bird" and "Some Notes on Song" by John Berger

In That Great River: A Notebook by Anna Kamienska

A Little Devil in America: Notes in Praise of Black Performance by Hanif Abdurraqib

The Book of Delights by Ross Gay

"Of Strangeness That Wakes Us" and "Still Dancing: An Interview with Ilya Kaminsky" by Ilya Kaminsky

"The Sentence is a Lonely Place" by Garielle Lutz

Still Life with Oysters and Lemon by Mark Doty

Paris, When It's Naked by Etel Adnan

[ballad-of-birdy-lamb]

there needs to be more lucy gray stuff on tumblr i swear 😭😭 it’s actually hurting me, im in love with her. anyways…could you write some fluff headcanons w lucy gray and a fem!reader pls? thx :)

I ❤️ Lucy Gray

Lucy Gray Baird x Fem! Reader (headcanons, fluff, romantic)

She is likely the type of person to not care if someone is a man or a woman. If she likes you, you're around her age, and you're kind, you might as well date

Before dating, she was very willing to drop hints. If there was a sign of interest you had in her, she took the opportunity

After dating, she is just as sweet as before, a bit toned down but still loving

Lucy Gray expects you to go to her shows, all of them if you can

Piggybacking off the last one, she'll write songs for and about you. They'll be ballads talking about your kindness and the things you give her

Roses are some of her favorite gifts, she loves the taste and they always smell good. Another good option is handmade gifts, letters, poems, hell, food is all she adores

If you give her poems, she is very willing to turn them into songs. But only sings them for you since they're special

She has sung to you and played the guitar for you. But in a cool way

She NEEDS to feel like she can trust you. She couldn't trust Billy Taupe and she couldn't trust anyone in the arena, so you still have time to prove to her that you're trustworthy

After the Games, violence was an absolute no in her life (it was a no before but it's absolute after everything). If you find a way to bring that brutality back into her life, she'll leave as quickly as she had come

If you get her gifts that are a bit expensive, she'll send you some goat cheese for free!

__

To all that have requested before this post was, I’m working on several longer fanfics and plan to release the headcanons first then the full fanfics when I finish them!!

Link to my tbosas masterlist

[pixelword]

♯┆“But You Didn’t” .ᐟ ★

MASTERLIST !! PINNED POST 🎧💿

Alastor x Gn!Reader <3

Inspired by the poem “But you didn’t”. Set before Alastor died. Fluff with a sprinkle of angst.

Remember the day, I borrowed your brand new radio and dented it?

The radio laid on the dining room table, an obvious dent on the side. It could still play, but it was still damaged. They couldn’t just give it back to Alastor in that condition! He had trusted them to take care of his most prized possession, and they had ruined it! Had it not been for their siblings running around and hitting the table it had been resting on, it would’ve been in the perfect condition they had received it in!

They bit their nail as their foot thumped on the wooden floor of their home, trying to think of how to fix it before Alastor came to retrieve it.

“Y/N! Alastor is here!”

I thought you’d kill me

Y/N freezes in place. He wasn’t supposed to be here for another hour! There’s no way they could fix it before he noticed! Oh he’s gonna hate them forever and never want to talk to them again and ugh why did this happen?!

“Y/N?”

They slowly turn your head to the dining room entrance, Alastor stood there with his usual smile on his face.

“…I’m sorry.” They move to the side, letting Alastor see the damaged gift.

But you didn’t

Alastor walks up to the radio and holds it up, inspecting the damage. Y/N squeezes themselves in a hug, trying not to cry.

“I was taking care of it but the twins were playing and,” the explanation and apologies kept slipping from their mouth.

“Y/N”

“And I’m so sorry I promise I’ll pay you back whatever it costs to get it fixed or get a new one-“

“Y/N,” Alastor puts a hand on their shoulder, making them shut up and look at him. “It’s alright dear.”

“What?” They could've sworn he’d at least get angry.

“Does it play?” He asked them. “Well, yeah-“ He cut them off before they could go on further.

“Then it’s all fine dear! It still does it function.” Their shoulders went down from the tense way they had them as they let out a breath of relief, glad he was not mad at them.

Remember that day, I vomited strawberry pie all over your new carpet?

“Cher, I don’t think you should eat that much.” Alastors gaze looked concerned as he saw them forcing themselves to eat the strawberry pie his mother had made for them. Y/N just couldn’t tell her no no matter how gross strawberry pie seemed to them. They didn’t want her to feel bad or have all her effort go to waste.

“Nonsense, I’m sure I can eat more!” Honestly they felt full already and like they’d regret eating it later. They tried to shove another bite down but the minute the flavor hit their tongue they couldn’t hold it down, puking all the strawberry pie they had eaten.

I thought you’d hate me.

“Oh my goodness Alastor, I’m so sorry!” They immediately apologized, their hands slightly shaking as they panicked and didn’t know what to do. Alastor had recently bought that carpet and they had puked on it.

But you didn’t.

Alastor walked over to them and helped them stand up. He moved their hair out of their face as he cleaned it with a washcloth. “It’s alright dear, I’ll just get it cleaned.” He smiled at them.

Remember that day, I flirted with a guy to make you jealous,

Mimzy’s bar was always full at this time of the night. Many men and many women went there to either have fun or to find someone to have fun with. Some simply went to distract themselves from their sorrows. No matter what someone was looking for, they would have fun finding it.

Sometimes however, what you didn’t want would find you. That was often the case with Alastor. He was a charming man with dashing looks, so it wasn’t a surprise many would try to get lucky and score him.

That let Y/N pouting by the bar, a glass of scotch on their hand. Alastor was too nice for his own good and couldn’t just simply tell all those folks to kick rocks, leaving poor old Y/N by themselves.

A man approached them, slightly flushed, as if he’d been drinking for a while. “What’s a pretty thing like you doing all alone?~”

Y/N was about to impolitely tell them to go away till an idea crossed their mind. Why should they watch someone hit on their man like a fool? If he didn’t want to pay attention to them, fine! They’d just get someone else to do it.

and you really did get jealous?

Alastor gave a glance over to Y/N, making sure they were fine and still there before having to do a double take. Some man had decided he was good enough to blatantly flirt with them. His flirting wasn’t even creative or charming! Straight up simple common flirts one could find in a ‘how to get laid’ guide written by someone who was never even touched by another human being with a 10 foot pole! And what was worse is that their dear Y/N was flirting back! If there weren't too many witnesses Alastor would’ve murdered that man right there!

“Excuse me ladies.” He excused himself, his smile now strained. Anyone who truly knew him would know he was in a horrible mood now. Mimzy could only giggle, such a basic plan that had the exact reaction Y/N was looking for.

I thought you’d leave me.

Alastor walked over to the man, grabbing his shoulder rather firmly. “Excuse me, kind sir, but I must inform you that you are flirting with my spouse!”

The man’s face only held shock as he stuttered out apologies, leaving the couple alone. Y/N simply crossed their arms and pouted at Alastor.

“Now my dear, what were you even thinking when you decided to entertain the behavior of that man?”

Y/N's eyes drifted from Alastors face, they could never lie to him when making direct eye contact. “So you can flirt with all those dames but when I do it’s wrong?”

But you didn’t.

“Is that what this is about?” Alastor chuckled, grabbing their chin and easing their face so they’d make direct eye contact. “My dear if you wanted my attention, you could’ve simply asked.”

Yes, there’s a lot of things you didn’t do…

Y/N sat at the table of the restaurant, waiting. He promised he’d be there on time, but it had already been half an hour of him still not arriving. They waved the waiter over, tired and too hungry to wait even more and ordered their food. They’d eat and if Alastor didn’t show up, they’d just go home.

But you put up with me,

They walked alone back home. Alastor had never shown up to the restaurant. From a bit up the sidewalk they could see a man dressed in red, rushing over.

“Y/N…” Alastor took deep breaths as if he had been running. They simply glared at him.

“I’m so sorry cher…” he apologized, his smile wasn’t as big as it commonly was but it was still there, which annoyed them more than anything.

“Fuck off Alastor.” They tried walking past him before he grabbed their arm.

Loved me,

“Mon Cher, I’m so sorry, I swear. It was not my intention to have you wait.” Y/N simply pulled their arm away from his grasp.

“No! You always do this Alastor! You make promises and then you always keep me waiting! I’m tired of it!” They walked away, crossing the road.

Protected me.

Alastor grabbed their arm again and pulled them back towards him in the nick of time. Y/Ns eyes were wide as shock took over, paralyzing their body. Had Alastor not pulled them back, they would’ve surely gotten hit.

There were a lot of things I wanted to make up to you,

Y/N picked up Alastors coat from the hanger, helping him put it on as he was finishing getting ready for work. They gave him a goodbye kiss and closed the door behind him once he left.

They immediately got to work and started preparations for when he’d get back home. Today was their anniversary and they wanted to surprise him with a clean house and his favorite meal, a recipe you’d gotten from his momma.

When you came back from work.

They put on the finishing touches for their outfit as they checked the clock. Any minute now Alastor would be home and they could celebrate together.

They stood by the door, everything done, and waited.

And waited…

…And waited.

But you didn’t.

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