#before I go back to hell (school)
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I don’t know why, but I drew this BEFORE rereading the novel for the 10th time and didn’t even realize that this is KIND OF a panel redraw of this lmao:
Aaaannnndddd here’s a little bonus :3
SMOOOOOCHHHHHH <333333
#I love these gays bruh#I don’t even understand why I drew this (the bonus thingy)#GOSHHHH it’s the last fucking week before school starts and all of a sudden I get so many ideas#CANT WAIT TO GO BACK TO HELL (school)#nimona#nimona fanart#nimona comic#nimona novel#nimona graphic novel#ballister blackheart#ambrosius goldenloin#ballister x ambrosius#goldenheart#blackloin#my art
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doodles
edgar vargas and squee by johnen vasquez
scriabin by zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin vargas#zarla s#scriabin#doodles#YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME . . . . !!!!#well HELLO !!!! I'M BACK !!!!!!!!#got a new brush . what do you think of it do you like it#okay i want to ramble about these wait a second#the first one looks a bit different to the rest because i was just trying new stuff .#if i spend a long time without drawing i'll forget how to draw and well it happened#i've changed my art style like 3 times now but i still draw side profiles the same . looks weird ugh#the mug says “ JESUS loves me BECAUSE no one else will ” btw . meta gave me the idea actually . thanks meta .#about the second one . finished that one like ten minutes ago . missed drawing todd aw#i just find their whole relationship so amusing .#like yes i went crazy for like a month and now i have a brother-husband and a kid ?!#they complement each other so well though . i love them#THE UNO ONE omg i've had that idea for like A YEAR NOW and i just drew it lol#i wonder how long it would take scriabin to notice though .#when i showed this to meta she said : “ oh wow !! edgar's finally winning at something !! ” and it's SO TRUE#wonder how he does it !#and the last one . i got the idea when i was looking through zarla's account searching for fan art .#love it so much though they look like their lives aren't a living hell#anyways i'll probably make more of these . who knows#going back to school on monday . and of course i had to get inspiration four days before going back .#please PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK TO SCHOOL . PL#okay byeee enjoy these . eat my starved followers . EAT !!!!!
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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Earlier today I was so glad to no longer be in school but it has just dawned on me that if I'm not in a class I'll have no classmates to be impressed by how smart I am
I can't answer all the teachers questions if there's no teacher
No one will even know im smart. This is GUT WRENCHING
#personal post#PUT ME BACK IN SCHOOL I NEED TO MAINTAIN MY EGO#whos gonna be impressed by me now????#no one! no one is going to be impressed by my nerdy fun facts!#i cant finish the homework before the teachers finished teaching THERE IS NO HOMEWORK#someone give me homework 😭😭😭 (please dont i hate it)#i dont have an English teacher to tell me im soooo smart because i know big words like “imperative”#and give me near perfect grades on essays i wrote#and i dont have any near perfect graded essays to “humbly” declare should've been graded lower to my fellow classmates#(i also am not forced to read actual literature so im probably going to lose my smarts over time as i don't excersize it)#(my mental capabilities are dwindling before my eyes as time escapes me and im too lazy to stop it)#(this is hell)
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working full time with normal hours has convinced me more than ever that actually high school Could have been a sane & even enjoyable time for me if it weren't for the homework. sick & twisted tbh
#i spent all of high school continually behind on my work/desperately trying to make it up/getting ~4 hrs of sleep a night/full of#guilt over it/feeling like i was losing my mind/not eating properly/trying to do my hw at lunch/etc etc whatever#& now I'm waking up/going out about the same time as i was & getting home only a little later and i have None of that i have to do & I'm#eating regularly & sleeping like 8hrs a night I'm looking back on that like what the fuck. that was so fucked up & evil i had to go through#all that. what the hell.#<- i mean i sort of knew this but i genuinely thought getting up early/spending so long at school/etc was also a major contributer#but like. it's literally not. I can do all that just fine when i ferl like a normal sane healthy person. it was literally just the hw.#hw is evil fr. what are we doing to our kids etc etc#thoughts#I say regular hours bc i have worked full time before but it was w such weird hours I couldn't really make the comparison
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if u make a one piece college au and u don’t make all of the strawhats students then u r a fucking coward
#like i can maybe give u robin bc she is the smartest and canonically has a degree#so making her a professor does actually make sense#but for franky brook and jinbe?#that’s just a cop out bc u think they’re ’too old for college’ or smth#esp if it’s a community college bc i know u get so many diff types of ppl there#hell i go to a fancy expensive school and i still see diff ppl#not as many but still my brain fuckin exploded#when as a freshman i assumed everyone was my age in my major#only to immediately meet a 28 yr old who had been in the military before this#or the guy around my dads age (40s-50s) in my astronomy class#and lbr i don’t think any of the strawhats are affording fancy colleges#but give me robin who has like 20+ degrees already and no one is sure what she actually does for a living#but just keeps taking more and more classes bc she likes learning#give me franky who had a rough childhood in and out of juvie after an accident with his foster father#he fell in with a rough crowd but is now trying to get his life back together#taking classes whenever he can find time in between working as a mechanic#give me brook as a retired musician who never got to go to college when he was young#bc he was busking to afford his bills and once he got discovered and became famous he didn’t have the time#but he’s retired now so he’s taking some classes at the local college bc he has the time and money now#even tho he’s like 80#give me jinbe who went into the military right after high school#but became disillusioned with the military after the death of his commander and decided to leave#and now he’s trying to get a degree and readjust to civilian life#college is so much more of a flexible setting than high school so have fun with it!!!#posts from the ocean#one piece#college au#tag rant#one piece au
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This scanned really really badly but I had to draw Ander forcing Mats to reenact this video with him because I think he would think it was the funniest thing ever
#this scanned so so badly i have GOT to get a better scanning system than my 10+ year old ipad and the desk lamp ://#still not settled on my ander design augh but at least this is something#mats seems to be settled pretty consistently though which is nice! maybe by the end of the semester i will be able to make some proper post#ander my babygirl <3 glad at least one of them has a sense of humor they're gonna need that#however this is definitely post-canon no way in hell ander would be making this joke with mats for most of the actual story :')#perce rambles#dragonkingposting#scribblings & such#okay i have done enough creative things for today methinks it's time to sleep#got to get the most out of my one silly day of the week before i go back into the grad school mines#i was tempted to see if i might receive a conlang vision for the text but alas i did not wait around to find out. perhaps someday#<- this whole story's worldbuilding has to be received by divine vision (dissociating) because i'm being too extra about it
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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already
#the problem is. actually there are several problems#1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic#2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought#3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing#so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing#so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better#unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting#but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week#I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March#the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look#and also I would feel bad#I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN#and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going#but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting#I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing#just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC#I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread#I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh
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wanna take a few screenshots from sxs gens + dark beginnings and show them to my 14 year old self with no context other than that theyre from future sonic media and watch their brain explode
#ive said it before but learning about the shadow lore altered my brain chemistry forever#it wasnt the first thing to make me interested in sonic to begin with but it grabbed my attention sooo hard#i remember wanting to go through everything shadow related and learning as much as i could through what i had access to at the time#but still coming out of it craving more . particularly wanting to see more of shadow and maria interacting#+ wanting to see them do more with shadow being part alien#so like . Everything about this is absolutely insane to me . its everything i wanted back in middle school-very early high school#what the hell
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
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w's for the day: maybe not everything is terrible forever
- got the right side shaft buttoned up except for the brake caliper without joe's help
- got the boot cut and tripod joint out, and cleaned up the grease (this made it way easier later)
- tried earnestly and very hard to do something that it took two grown adults like four hours to do. dealt with my frustrations well most of the day.
- finally got that fucking spline apart.
doesnt show up well in the picture, but there's Victory Sledgehammer damage to that housing. fuck every engineer that designed this stupid thing.
- it didnt actually take too long after we got it apart to put everything back together properly.
- joe put on all my new wiper blades for me
- got like dead on perfect backing the van up and only made a small technically unnecessary adjusment
- it did reduce the noises mary ellen makes
- got cheap gas and wendys on the way home
- hot shower and praying and merthur whumpfic = calmed down w/o ativan
- mum bought ding-dongs so that's what i had for desert
- spent time playing yakuza both by myself and with a friend (💙). i love handing out with c and it's fun w/yakuza bc she's played it before, been to some of the places in the game, and also is just sort of amusedly tolerant of me being weird about majima. BUT also ! i can enjoy it when it's just me ! game good
- didnt ruin my hair working
- twizz came and walked all over me and demanded pets and purred
- i dont have anything due tmmrw
- weed
#yramtd#now the things i was frustrated about#missed Mass AGAIN. upset.#mary ellen is leaking oil at a '#not terrible but not great' rate#and also somewhere while she was elevated was leaking coolant#but im p sure i know which hose and i think it was only rlly cos she was inclined likethat#my glimlind sticker is peeling AGAIN.#didnt get any time to work on [redacted]#or for that matter on 7.1#'you could have done that instead of playing yakuza' mmmm. no ❤#also. mary ellen is still making noise#which i dont think i had fully grasped as a possibility#it means that while i did fix *a* problem (you can definitely tell the difference) there is still another#problem with either the transmission or the suspension. which will be at best expensive#and it just kinda felt on my way home that i had wasted my weekend before going back to school#which is not true ! but it was how i felt#oh hell yeah the baby cat is in here#anyway#thank the Lord for Mother Mary 💗 and for weed and cats and heated blankies
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ITS FRIDAY! I’m back home to my ocs and weighted blankets! I’m back from war finally!!!!!!
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First day back at the university and I still suck at this exactly as much as I did 4 years ago
#i wish doing something over and over actually made it easier from then on#how come i've done this so many times and i'm still as horrified by the prospect of group projects and exams and all as in the very start#can they invent a higher education that doesn't require you to prepare a group project for every damn subject that exists#can they also invent an intercating with people#in a way that doesn't leave me feeling like the only person on earth who somehow doesn't get it#how do people just start talking and becoming friends :( it's literally impossible for me#it's such a mystery. how the hell do they all do this. what's your fucking secret !!!!!!!!!#not that i expected to become friends with anyone in one day#but one day was already enough for me to start feeling as alienated and othered from everyone else as i've always felt#like god it's always the same damn thing. each year i hope it'll be different and it's still the fucking same#i try to appear nice and approachable and chime in to the conversation whenever i can (just like i've been doing for the past 4 years)#but i guess there must just be something deeply wrong with me that makes everyone avoid me in the end anyway#am i really that unfriendable. can anyone tell me what i'm doing wrong#and why no one is interested in holding a conversation with me for more than 5 minutes in total#it's literally back to the same thing that i've done over and over before and i truly don't see any point in any of this anymore#it's just so ridiculous 😭😭😭 why do i even keep trying at this point#back to school so back to crying alone in my room every evening i guess#how beautiful how poetic. i almost forgot this was the daily standard for the entire past year#never getting out of this ok i get it :))#friendship was meant to be for everyone but me i get it now!!!#worst year ever everything bad is happening. going to my first funeral on thursday i'm definitely going to take that well hahaha#it's been only a day and i'm already so done. ok.#i'm freaking out man what am i even supposed to be doing anymore. it's all pointless
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More about the pretty consistent body pain thing that's happening, I'm not sure if something is actually wrong with me or if its just the affect of overworking myself for liiiiikkkke 6 years??? ( arguably also overworking nyself before that now that u thjnk about it but moreso te past 6 years )
yeahhh and then also before that I'd did marching band and like- did it knowing I didn't have great knees :/ hmm just thinking thoughts
Sorry for the rambles I just like to think aloud and it helps doing it somewhere public :/
#i should probably go to a doctor#but i know itll prpbably be fruitless anyway#theyll almost definitelt say its cause of my weight#which hey#maybe part of it IS#but i dont think that would just fix everhtjinf#i alrrady had trouble with my knees and cifculation in hs#AND BACK THEN I WAS SK ACTIVE#MARCHING BAND IS FUCKINF ACTIVE AS HELL#abd before that i did sports up until middle school#anyway-#i think also overworking nyself at a job and doing college#just may have made ir way worse#hmmm#thoughts#not a vent#genuinely just thinking things and writing them#and i need eomeone to observe cause i dont get answeds wtiting it on my own#urgh its frusttatint#i am in pain lile every day :/#sleeping situation is absolutely making it so much worse too#rambles#angel rambles#sory if you read this far#im hust thinking thoights
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NGL my parents don't know I know but I have this dark feeling that me no longer being able to attend school due to financially broke-ness is an approaching reality and not a highly unlikely
#i don't wanna end up in public school#that shit scary#with all the sex and groping and etc that goes on in a PRIVATE school#i KNOW that public school will be so much worse#and education.#fifty or more students in one class#limited courses clubs classes#malaysian public schools are terrifying okay#or maybe im just spoiled#THE FACT REMAINS#i can NOT Go back there#i was miserable before#a second would be hell#praying we're not gonna get to that stage#sunny's shitposts
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