#before I fall
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koyagifs · 1 month ago
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𝓫𝓮𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓼𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓼
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pairing: jongho x reader au: college | time loop genre: angst word count: 8.103 k synopsis: jongho thought he’ll be having a normal weekend, to be able to hang out with the boys. why he is waking up in his bed when he recalls falling asleep in his friends house drunk. warning(s): alcohol consumption, bullying, spitting on someone author note: really basing this off before i fall (hence the title lol) i’m such a sucker for angst.
➤ 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟖𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 𝟏𝟎:𝟏𝟓𝐚𝐦
➜ Jongho let out a bored sigh, his thumb absently tapping against the pen in his hand as he tried to focus on his professor's monotonous lecture. His mind wandered, lost in thoughts of anything but the history lesson. He barely registered the words being spoken until the sound of the classroom door creaking open caught his attention.
Suddenly, a familiar figure filled the doorway, causing the room to fall silent as everyone turned to look. Standing there, dressed in a full Santa Claus costume, was none other than Wooyoung. He grinned mischievously, the bright red suit and fluffy white beard a stark contrast to the usual seriousness of their class.
Jongho blinked, snapping back into reality as Wooyoung made his way inside with a playful swagger, seemingly oblivious to the curious stares from the other students. His Santa hat sat crookedly atop his head, and he gave a dramatic twirl, causing a few students to snicker.
"Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!" Wooyoung boomed, his voice deep and exaggerated, before winking at Jongho, who was still processing the sudden disruption.
Seonghwa's voice rang out, a touch of humor lacing his tone. "Sorry for interrupting, professor! Candy grams before winter break!" He shot the professor a cheeky smile, clearly enjoying the chaos he and Wooyoung were causing.
The professor, clearly taken aback but not inclined to fight the festive spirit, nodded his head, motioning for Seonghwa to go ahead. He returned to his desk, adjusting his glasses as Seonghwa enthusiastically began to pass out the little candy gram cards, each with a small treat and a personalized note.
Jongho, still somewhat amused by the disruption, perked up in his seat. His smirk grew when his gaze landed on Yn, who sat a few rows in front of him. She looked like she was trying to shrink into her seat, her shoulders drawn up as if wishing to disappear entirely.
The way she instinctively flinched when Seonghwa neared her desk told Jongho everything he needed to know. Seonghwa, with his usual charm, leaned over her desk with a grin. "No need to hide, badger. This one's for you," he teased, slipping the candy gram into her hand.
Jongho raised an eyebrow, watching as Yn’s face flushed a deep shade of red, her attempt to avoid the limelight clearly failing. She was trying her best to keep a straight face, but her hands betrayed her, nervously gripping the little card.
Jongho watched, a soft chuckle escaping him as Yn hastily opened the candy gram, her eyes flicking between the small note and the class around her. Her fingers trembled slightly as she tore the paper, but the moment she read whatever Seonghwa had written, her face turned an even deeper shade of crimson.
Without skipping a beat, she swiftly grabbed her things—a notebook and her bag—and stood up, clearly trying to avoid lingering any longer. She left the note behind on her desk, too embarrassed to even acknowledge it.
Seonghwa and Wooyoung, of course, couldn’t contain their laughter. The two exchanged glances, their eyes twinkling with mischief. Wooyoung let out a loud, exaggerated laugh. "Looks like someone’s running from the truth!" he teased, clearly enjoying the reaction.
Seonghwa, never one to let an opportunity slip, leaned toward Wooyoung with a grin. "She’s practically sprinting from it." His voice dropped to a dramatic whisper, just loud enough for a few students nearby to hear. "Do you think she read the part about Jongho?"
Jongho’s smirk turned into a knowing smile, but he didn’t miss the glance Yn threw his way before she dashed out of the classroom. Her cheeks were still flushed, her hurried pace leaving no doubt that she wanted to escape the teasing.
The professor, finally regaining some control over the class after the brief disruption, cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. "Alright, class," he said, his voice much firmer now, "Let's get back to the lesson. Wooyoung and Seonghwa left, much to their dismay as Jongho laid back into his chair.
➤ 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟖𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 10:36p𝐦
➜ Jongho chuckled softly, his arm around Emma’s waist as she sat on his lap, clearly enjoying the aftermath of the earlier chaos. She took another sip from her mixed drink, her eyes still sparkling with amusement.
"I wish you had been there too," Jongho replied, a playful smile tugging at his lips. "Yn’s face was priceless—she turned about three shades of red and practically ran out of the room." He couldn't help but laugh at the memory.
Hongjoong scoffed as Emma and Jongho raised their eyebrow in confusion.
"What's your deal?" Emma asked, her voice tinged with annoyance as she glanced at Hongjoong, her curiosity piqued by his sudden mood change.
Jongho mirrored her expression, his playful grin faltering just slightly as he shifted to face Hongjoong. "You got something to say?" he asked, though the question was more casual than confrontational.
Jongho watched as Hongjoong disappeared into the crowd, muttering something inaudible under his breath. He wasn’t sure what had triggered the sudden shift in his friend’s mood, but he wasn’t about to press him for an explanation—at least, not while Hongjoong seemed determined to stay distant.
Emma, seemingly unfazed by the brief tension, continued her conversation with Wooyoung and Seonghwa, the two of them laughing about something unrelated to the earlier incident with Yn. Jongho found himself sinking further into the couch, his fingers absentmindedly tapping on his drink as he tried to shake off the strange feeling that had lingered since Hongjoong’s departure.
Despite the festive atmosphere around him, he couldn’t ignore the knot of unease in his stomach. It wasn’t like Hongjoong to just leave a conversation without a word or a joke, and it felt odd for him to suddenly pull away like that. But instead of dwelling on it, Jongho decided to let it go—for the moment, at least.
Yelling can be heard as Jongho just now realized Emma is not on his lap anymore. Looking around, his eyes landed on Emma clearly yelling at someone. Rushing to her side, Jongho eyes landed onto the person who is now on the ground. Jongho’s heart dropped as his gaze flicked from the woman on the ground to Emma, his eyes widening in disbelief. The woman, who had their hair covering their face, was none other then yn.
His mind raced as he rushed toward Emma, taking in the scene before him. Yn was sitting there her face a mix of humiliation and shock. She looked completely caught off guard, not expecting any of this.
"What's going on?" Jongho asked, his voice strained as he stepped closer, trying to get a better grasp of the situation.
Emma, who had been glaring at Yn with fierce satisfaction, turned toward him, her smile prideful and triumphant. "This bitch thinks she can waltz in here like she was invited or something," she snapped, her voice dripping with venom. "She should have known better than to try and sneak in."
Before Jongho could react, one of Emma’s friends, standing nearby, grinned wickedly and poured the rest of their drink onto Yn’s lap, the liquid splashing across her clothes. The room fell into a hushed silence as everyone watched the scene unfold.
Jongho's stomach dropped. "Emma, what the hell?" he said, his voice firm now as he took a step toward her, trying to get between them. His gaze shifted from Yn, who looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole, to Emma, whose expression showed no sign of remorse.
Emma squatted down in front of Yn, her tone harsh but controlled. "You think you can show up here uninvited and not face the consequences?" She leaned in closer, her voice low. "You don’t belong here."
Jongho barely had time to react before he was shoved hard by Hongjoong, his body stumbling back slightly as the older man stepped forward, fury radiating from him. The force of Hongjoong's push caught Emma off guard, and she was quickly shoved aside, her eyes wide with shock.
"That's enough, Emma!" Hongjoong's voice was loud, his tone filled with raw anger as he stood between her and Yn. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he snapped, his eyes blazing as he faced her down. His usual calm and collected demeanor had completely evaporated, replaced by an intensity that made the entire room fall silent.
Emma opened her mouth to retort, but Hongjoong wasn’t having it. "Don’t," he warned, his voice hard.
Jongho blinked, momentarily stunned by Hongjoong’s sudden outburst. He was surprised—he’d never seen Hongjoong this upset, especially not over a confrontation like this. The energy in the room had completely shifted, everyone now watching, waiting to see what would happen next.
Emma’s expression flickered between anger and confusion, but she didn’t say anything. For a moment, it seemed like the tension was about to boil over again, but Hongjoong’s glare was enough to keep her quiet.
Jongho stepped closer, finally finding his voice. "Hongjoong, what—" But Hongjoong cut him off, his eyes still fixed on Emma, as if daring her to say another word.
Jongho’s heart clenched as he watched Hongjoong gently lift Yn to her feet, his hands steady and reassuring as he helped her stand. The sound of Yn’s choked sob broke through the thick tension in the room, a sound that echoed in Jongho’s chest like a painful reminder of how deeply she’d been hurt. He hadn’t realized how much it would affect him, but now, hearing her cry, something inside him snapped.
His eyes widened as he took a step forward, his pulse quickening. There was an overwhelming mix of anger, guilt, and helplessness flooding him all at once. He couldn’t stand seeing her like this. She had been pushed into a corner, humiliated in front of everyone, and now all he wanted to do was protect her from feeling that pain.
Jongho’s jaw tightened, his fists clenching at his sides. He had never seen Emma like this before. But what hurt even more was the helplessness gnawing at him, knowing there was nothing he could have done to stop it from happening in the first place.
Jongho’s breath hitched as Yn, after a moment of stillness, finally moved her hand up to wipe the hair from her face. Her eyes, red and swollen from crying, locked onto Emma’s, and for a brief second, everything seemed to freeze. The tension in the room was so thick that it felt like it might snap.
And then, without warning, Yn did something no one expected.
A scream tore from Emma’s throat as she recoiled, her hand coming up to wipe the spit off her face in disgust. The sharp sound echoed through the room, drawing everyone’s attention to the chaos that had just unfolded.
"You—!" Emma’s voice was high-pitched, full of anger and humiliation as she wiped her face, her body trembling with fury. The sight of Yn’s defiance, the boldness of her action, seemed to cut through the haze of everything that had happened, shattering the facade Emma had held up until now.
Yn didn’t wait to see what Emma would do next. Her eyes glistening with unshed tears, she turned and ran, her feet pounding against the floor as she fled out of the house. The front door slammed behind her, leaving a stunned silence in her wake.
Jongho’s heart skipped a beat. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words caught in his throat. His mind raced, the shock of the moment still gripping him as he turned toward Hongjoong, who was watching Emma with a mixture of disgust and disbelief.
Jongho’s hand ran through his hair again, his mind still reeling from the chaos of the night. His thoughts were split between wanting to find Yn and the mess Emma had caused. The muffled voices of the crowd around him felt distant, but he could hear Emma’s voice cutting through, her tone venomous and full of frustration.
He glanced back at her, but his gaze remained distant as he muttered under his breath, "Are you okay, babe?" He didn’t know if he was asking Emma or if he was just speaking out of habit, the words coming more from a place of tension than actual concern.
Emma gave him a quick nod, but there was no real warmth in her response. Her expression was cold, her eyes filled with bitterness as she wiped at her face again, though it wasn’t clear if she was trying to rid herself of the shame or just reassert her dominance.
"What a fucking freak," she muttered under her breath, the words dripping with disdain. She turned away slightly, as if trying to distance herself from the situation, but the damage was already done.
➤ 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏9𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 2:06a𝐦
➜ Jongho lay there, the weight of the night pressing heavily on his chest. He could feel the soft, steady rise and fall of Emma's breathing beside him, her body curled up in a peaceful, almost innocent way that contrasted sharply with the storm raging inside him. He kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling, the faint glow of the streetlights outside casting shadows on the walls. But no matter how still the room was, he couldn't quiet the thoughts racing through his mind.
The events of the night played on an endless loop, flashing before his eyes as if his brain couldn't process everything fast enough. Yn’s sobs. The look in her eyes when she’d finally spat in Emma’s face, the final act of defiance. The sound of Emma’s scream as she recoiled, the disgust on her face as she wiped her skin, as if Yn’s actions were somehow the issue.
And then, the way Yn had run out of the house, her feet pounding the pavement like a frantic animal, escaping from the very people who should’ve been there to protect her.
Jongho winced, his chest tightening. What had he done to stop any of it? Nothing. He had been too stunned, too caught up in the chaos, to step in sooner. He had watched Emma destroy any chance of peace, and he had let it happen.
His thoughts shifted back to Emma, to the way she had dismissed everything that had gone down. The way she’d turned her back on Yn, even when the girl needed someone to stand up for her. Emma’s words rang in his mind like an accusation: “What a fucking freak.” It made him sick to think about it, but the more he thought about Emma’s behavior, the harder it was to ignore the gnawing feeling that maybe he had been too blind to see it before.
Emma, the girl he had once found so captivating, had shown him a side he couldn’t reconcile with the person he thought she was. He had always assumed her confidence, her sharp words, were just a part of who she was, something he admired. But tonight, he saw how easily that mask could slip into something darker.
And Yn? She had been nothing but a victim in all of this—a target of Emma’s and his cruelty. And now, she was out there somewhere, alone, maybe still feeling the weight of what had happened. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way she had looked at him before running away, her face etched with pain and humiliation.
Jongho’s fingers tightened into fists, the frustration building in his chest like a pressure he couldn’t release. He had to make things right. He had to find a way to fix this. He couldn’t stand the idea of Yn feeling like she had been abandoned by everyone.
But there was Emma, lying beside him, her presence a constant reminder of the conflict that churned within him. He cared for her, he did, but the way she had acted tonight… it wasn’t something he could just overlook. His heart was torn between the two of them, but there was no denying the growing certainty that he needed to be there for Yn, to support her in a way he hadn’t before.
Jongho shifted slightly in the bed, his gaze still fixed on the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep—not while the echoes of the night still haunted him. He wanted to talk to Emma, to figure out where things went wrong, but right now, his mind was too clouded. He couldn’t make sense of it all.
All he knew was that he couldn’t stay silent anymore. He had to make things right with Yn, whatever it took. And for the first time, he wasn’t sure where that would leave him and Emma.
Jongho's eyes fluttered open to the harsh sound of his alarm blaring, the beeping ringing in his ears. He groggily reached out, expecting to feel Emma’s warmth beside him, but his hand only met the cool sheets of the bed. His brows furrowed in confusion as he sat up, rubbing his eyes and scanning the room around him.
The familiar surroundings of his own room didn’t match the hazy memory of last night. His mind raced, trying to piece together the events that had led him here. Hongjoong's house, he remembered vaguely. He had fallen asleep in the spare bedroom there, after everything had gone down.
Jongho's thoughts scrambled, trying to make sense of the fragments of the night before. The chaos. Emma's outburst. Yn running off into the night. He’d been consumed by worry for her, but somehow, in the blur of everything, he must’ve ended up here. But where was Emma?
Jongho jumped slightly at the sudden sound of the door busting open. He looked up to see Hongjoong standing in the doorway, holding a plate of food with his usual easy smile on his face, as if nothing had happened the night before.
"Wake up, sleepyhead," Hongjoong said cheerfully, stepping into the room and placing the plate on the nightstand. "We have class in about an hour."
Jongho blinked, still trying to shake off the remnants of sleep, his mind briefly caught between the fog of dreams and the reality of everything that had happened. He glanced at the plate of food—eggs, toast, and a few slices of fruit—and then back at Hongjoong, who didn’t seem to have a care in the world.
He recalls this happened yesterday before heading to class.
" what happen last night?" Jongho asked, making hongjoong turn to him in confusion.
" last night? nothing more then the usual. OH, which reminds me, party is still on for tonight," Hongjoong said, taking a piece of fruit and popping it into his mouth.
Jongho looked at him in confusion, " didn't we just have one last night?"
Hongjoong looked at him, an eyebrow raised as he reached towards Jongho forehead. Jongho shoved his hand away, as Hongjoong chuckled.
“No? We studied last night,” Hongjoong said with a chuckle, still looking amused. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? You’re acting like you’re hungover, but we didn’t even drink.”
Jongho frowned, his confusion deepening. Studied? That didn’t make sense. His memories of the previous night were vivid—Emma’s sharp words, the way Yn had run out of the house, Hongjoong stepping in to defend her. It had all felt so real.
“Studied?” Jongho repeated, his voice laced with disbelief. “You’re telling me we just sat around and hit the books last night?”
Hongjoong nodded, popping another piece of fruit into his mouth. “Yeah, you were complaining the whole time about how boring it was. I remember because you fell asleep halfway through one of the chapters, and I had to wake you up.”
Jongho blinked, the weight of Hongjoong’s words crashing over him. What the hell is going on?
A wave of nausea hit him like a freight train. His stomach churned violently, and his hands began to tremble. He felt frozen, his mind desperately trying to process what Hongjoong had just said. The memories of the night before were so vivid—Emma’s sharp words, Yn’s devastated expression, Hongjoong stepping in with uncharacteristic anger. It had all felt so real. But now, Hongjoong was acting like none of it had ever happened.
“Are you okay, man?” Hongjoong’s voice cut through the haze, his tone tinged with concern. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Jongho opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His throat felt dry, his chest tight. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.
“Jongho?” Hongjoong crouched in front of him now, his carefree demeanor gone. “Hey, you’re freaking me out. What’s wrong?”
“I—” Jongho finally managed to force out, though his voice was shaky. He stood abruptly, pacing the room. His steps were erratic, his hands running through his hair as if trying to pull out the confusion clouding his mind.
Hongjoong watched him, his expression shifting from concern to outright confusion. “Jongho, what’s going on?” he asked, his voice calm but tinged with worry. “You’re acting... I don’t know, off. Talk to me.”
“I don’t know!” Jongho snapped, though the frustration wasn’t directed at Hongjoong.
He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, then turned away abruptly. “I’m going to go finish getting ready,” he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. Without waiting for a response, he grabbed his things and rushed out of the room. “I’ll talk to you later, hyung.”
Hongjoong called after him, concern evident in his tone but Jongho didn’t stop. His steps echoed down the hall as he headed toward the bathroom, needing a moment to himself. The walls felt like they were closing in on him, his mind racing with thoughts he couldn’t pin down. This doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense.
He splashed cold water on his face, gripping the edges of the sink as he stared at his reflection. His own eyes stared back, wide with unease. “Get it together,” he muttered to himself, his voice trembling. “You’re overthinking this. It’s just stress. That’s all it is.”
But deep down, he knew it wasn’t just stress. Something was wrong—something he couldn’t explain. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. Whatever was happening, he needed to keep it together. At least for now.
When he finally emerged from the bathroom, the hallway was empty. Hongjoong had probably gone ahead to class. Jongho took a moment to gather his thoughts, his resolve hardening.
➤ 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏8𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 10:15a𝐦 day 2
➜ Jongho’s stomach churned violently as the classroom door swung open. His heart sank as he saw Wooyoung and Seonghwa walk in, Seonghwa still dressed as Santa, the stack of candy grams in his hands. The familiar cheeky grin spread across Seonghwa’s face as he called out, “Sorry for interrupting, Professor! Candy grams before winter break!”
The exact same words. The exact same tone. Jongho’s grip on his desk tightened as a wave of nausea washed over him. He tried to steady his breathing, but the overwhelming sense of déjà vu was suffocating.
His gaze darted around the room, watching the reactions of his classmates. They were all the same, down to the smallest details. The laughter, the whispers, the way one student rolled their eyes and muttered something under their breath—it was all exactly as it had been before.
Then his eyes landed on Yn. She was sitting quietly, her head slightly lowered, her pencil tapping anxiously against the desk. Jongho knew what was coming next, and his stomach twisted painfully at the thought.
Wooyoung and Seonghwa began moving through the rows, handing out candy grams and cracking jokes. When Seonghwa approached Yn’s desk, Jongho’s heart was pounding so loudly he could barely hear anything else. Seonghwa handed her the candy gram with a wide grin, and Jongho could see Yn’s shoulders tense as she hesitated before taking it.
Jongho’s stomach churned violently as he watched Yn crumble the note in her hand, her face flushed with humiliation. Without a word, she bolted from the room, her footsteps loud and hurried against the tiled floor. His heart sank further when Seonghwa and Wooyoung burst into laughter, their amusement echoing through the room like nails on a chalkboard.
The professor cleared his throat loudly, his disapproval cutting through the laughter. “That’s enough,” he said, his tone stern as he turned back to his desk, attempting to regain control of the class. The murmured whispers that followed didn’t do much to ease the tension in the air.
Wooyoung leaned over to Seonghwa, still grinning. “She’s way too sensitive, huh? Always making it a bigger deal than it is.”
Seonghwa shrugged, smirking. “Can’t take a joke, I guess.”
Jongho’s stomach twisted at their words, the casual way they dismissed her pain making his blood boil. But the worst part was the nagging voice in his head, accusing him.
As the professor continued his lecture, Jongho could barely hear a word. His mind was racing, replaying the scene over and over, each detail cutting deeper than the last. Yn’s crumpled expression, her hurried escape, the sound of her chair scraping against the floor—it was all too vivid.
He swallowed hard, his throat dry.
➤ 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟖𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 10:36p𝐦 day 2
Jongho leaned against the wall in the corner of Hongjoong's crowded living room, nursing a drink he hadn’t even taken a sip from. The music thumped around him, and the room buzzed with energy as everyone mingled, laughing and talking over one another. Yet, despite the lively atmosphere, Jongho felt suffocated, the weight of the day pressing heavily on his chest.
He had been quick to avoid Emma, who had made her entrance earlier, laughing loudly and drawing everyone’s attention as usual. The memory of last night—or whatever version of “last night” this was—was still fresh in his mind. Her cruel words, the way she and her friends had humiliated Yn, played on a loop in his head. He couldn’t face her, not now.
Wooyoung and Seonghwa had been relentless in trying to pull him into their antics, but he’d dodged every attempt.
“Come on, Jongho,” Wooyoung called out, holding up a shot glass as he weaved through the crowd toward him. “You’re acting like an old man at a high school party. Lighten up!”
Jongho shook his head, his lips pressed into a thin line. “Not tonight.”
Wooyoung groaned dramatically, throwing his head back. “Not tonight? You’ve been like this all day. What’s wrong with you?”
Seonghwa appeared beside him, holding a drink of his own, his usual mischievous grin plastered across his face. “Yeah, what’s the deal? You’re usually the life of the party.”
“I’m fine,” Jongho muttered, his gaze darting around the room, searching for Yn. He didn’t know if she was even here—part of him hoped she wasn’t. Maybe she’d decided to avoid the party altogether after what had happened in class.
“You’re not fine,” Seonghwa countered, his grin fading slightly as he gave Jongho a curious look. “You’re acting weird. Did Emma say something? Or—wait—” His eyes widened, his grin returning. “Are you into someone here?”
Jongho rolled his eyes, pushing past the two of them. “I said I’m fine. Just drop it.”
He slipped through the crowd, ignoring Wooyoung and Seonghwa’s protests. His heart was pounding in his chest, the frustration and confusion from the day bubbling dangerously close to the surface. He needed to find a quiet corner to think, to figure out why this day kept repeating and what he could possibly do to stop it.
As he moved through the house, he caught a glimpse of Hongjoong, who was busy talking to a group of friends near the kitchen. For a brief moment, their eyes met, and Jongho felt a flicker of something—concern? Recognition? He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it.
Jongho’s gaze kept flicking back to his watch, the minutes dragging on with each passing second. His hand shook slightly as he chugged whatever he could mix into his cup, a desperate attempt to drown the restlessness gnawing at him. The weight of the same recurring day, the tension of everything that had happened—and everything that hadn’t—pressed down on him.
The sound of laughter and music, a constant blur of voices and movement, only added to his disorientation as he paced through Hongjoong’s house. The walls seemed to close in around him as he tried to push down the anxiety that bubbled in his chest.
" jongho are you okay?"
Jongho’s pulse quickened as he looked up at Hongjoong, the tension in his shoulders creeping higher. The loud buzz of the party around him seemed to dull, and suddenly Hongjoong’s voice cut through the noise.
“Dude, seriously, what the fuck is going on?” Hongjoong’s voice was lower now, his tone far from playful. The faint haze of alcohol was evident in his eyes, but there was something else—something more concerned behind the question.
Jongho’s stomach dropped as his gaze snapped toward the growing commotion at the far end of the room. The voices grew louder, more aggressive, and the distinct sound of shuffling feet echoed through the space. Hongjoong was already moving before Jongho could process what was happening, and without thinking, Jongho followed closely behind him, his heart pounding in his chest.
As they rounded the corner, the scene unfolded before them, the familiar feeling of dread curling in Jongho’s gut. The same chaos, the same tension—it was all happening again, but this time, something felt different.
The voices shouting at each other were growing more heated. It was Yn. She was standing in the middle of the commotion, her back to the wall, her face flushed with a mix of frustration and fear. Around her, a small group of people were arguing—Emma's friends. Their words were cruel, venomous, and the atmosphere was thick with hostility.
But what made this scene feel different from before was the way everyone else in the room had fallen into silence. The partygoers, the ones who had been dancing and talking moments ago, were now watching in hushed awe as the confrontation played out before them. Jongho’s eyes searched the crowd, looking for Emma, but she wasn’t anywhere to be found.
Jongho’s stomach twisted violently as the sickening sound of a body hitting the floor echoed through the hallway. His eyes widened in shock, and for a moment, everything felt like it slowed down. His gaze snapped to where Yn had been heading, and his heart sank as he saw Emma standing over her. The anger that boiled inside him surged uncontrollably as he saw Emma shove Yn to the ground, the force of it leaving her sprawled across the floor.
Yn winced, her hands scraping against the cold ground as she tried to push herself up, but the insults continued to fly from Emma’s friends, their words cruel and cutting.
"EMMA!" Hongjoong’s voice thundered across the space, and the crowd immediately quieted, their attention shifting to him. The air was thick with anticipation as everyone waited to see what would happen next.
Emma’s head snapped around at the sound of Hongjoong’s voice, but before she could even say a word, a loud, shrill screech pierced the air. It was a sound of rage, and Jongho felt his chest tighten, the anger that had been simmering just below the surface threatening to boil over once again.
The reason for Emma’s outburst became immediately clear. Standing before her, Yn had once again spat directly in Emma’s face. The group of onlookers gasped in unison, the silence amplifying the tension.
Emma stood there, frozen for a moment, completely taken aback, her face contorted in pure fury as the spit dripped from her cheek. Her friends stood stunned behind her, unsure of how to react to the sheer audacity of Yn's actions.
"YOU—!" Emma's voice cracked with indignation, but she was cut off by Hongjoong's harsh tone.
Jongho’s mind raced as the crowd murmured among themselves, their voices barely reaching him over the pounding of his own heartbeat. Yn was gone again—just like the last time, disappearing into the night, leaving him standing there with nothing but the aftermath of the chaos.
Jongho’s hands trembled as he grabbed the nearest bottle from the counter, his throat burning as he chugged whatever it was without a second thought. The cold liquid didn’t help to numb the storm raging inside him. It felt like everything was closing in—his confusion, his anger, the overwhelming sense of helplessness.
➤ 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟖𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 8:30a𝐦
Jongho laid in his bed, his alarm already shut off and his door locked. The darkness of his room enveloped him as he stared at the ceiling, the faint hum of the outside world barely penetrating the silence. His body felt heavy, the weight of everything pressing down on him—his mind, his emotions, the unresolved tension between him and everyone around him.
The soft knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. Jongho sighed, a mix of frustration and exhaustion sweeping over him. He had been lying there for what felt like hours, trying to make sense of everything, but the questions swirling in his mind were relentless. How’s my family? How are my friends? Am I even going to graduate?
" jongho, are you okay? you dont usually lock your door," Hongjoong muffled voice rang through.
Tears stung Jongho’s eyes as he stood, his legs weak as he made his way to the door. The weight of everything—the isolation, the overwhelming pressure—felt too much to bear. His hand shook as he reached for the lock, the cold metal under his fingers somehow colder than usual.
When he opened the door, the sight of Hongjoong standing there with the same plate of food. The food that should have been comforting now made his stomach churn violently. His body recoiled from the sight, the nausea creeping up on him as the scent of the meal only made everything feel more suffocating.
Hongjoong’s eyes softened when he saw the look on Jongho’s face, instantly realizing that something was wrong. He stepped forward, his hand holding out the plate, but his gaze was searching, reading the exhaustion and pain etched all over Jongho’s features.
“Jongho,” Hongjoong said softly, his voice filled with concern as he stepped closer. He watched his friend, clearly struggling, and it hurt him to see Jongho like this—broken and vulnerable.
But before Hongjoong could say anything more, Jongho’s emotions erupted. His chest heaved with quiet sobs, and tears poured from his eyes uncontrollably. It was as though all the pressure, all the pain, that he had been holding in for so long finally came crashing down on him.
Hongjoong acted quickly, moving forward and gently guiding Jongho back into his room. His arms were firm but comforting as he helped his friend sit on the bed, his hand never leaving Jongho’s shoulder to offer a sense of stability in the chaos of emotions.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Hongjoong whispered, sitting beside him. He gave him a moment to cry, to release everything that had been pent up inside. Jongho’s whole body trembled with the weight of his emotions. Hongjoong could feel the hurt radiating from him, and it stung to see someone so strong reduced to this.
" hyung," Jongho sniffled, wiping his nose.
Hongjoong hummed, patting his back as Jongho tried to regulate his breathing.
" would you think i'm crazy if i told you that i've been reliving the same day over and over again?" Jongho mumbled.
Hongjoong’s hand paused on Jongho’s back as the words left his friend’s mouth. The confession hung in the air, heavy and unexpected. He pulled back slightly to look at Jongho, his expression a mixture of concern and confusion.
“Reliving the same day... over and over again?” Hongjoong repeated, his voice soft, trying to process what Jongho had just said.
Jongho’s gaze was distant, like he was lost in his own mind, his fingers nervously clutching the edges of his blanket. He wiped at his nose again, his face flushed from crying.
“I know it sounds insane,” he whispered, his voice barely audible, “but it feels so real. Like... I’m stuck in some kind of loop. Like everything keeps happening again and again, but I can’t change it. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it’s like I can’t get out.”
Hongjoong stayed silent for a moment, his mind racing. Was this just a manifestation of Jongho’s stress? Was it some kind of mental exhaustion from everything that had been happening? Or was there something deeper at play here? He didn’t know, but one thing was clear: Jongho needed someone to listen.
“You’re not crazy,” Hongjoong said, keeping his voice steady and reassuring.
Jongho nodded his head, " hyung...do you like yn?"
Jongho’s question hung in the air, delicate and loaded, as the silence between them grew thick. Hongjoong’s hand hovered for a moment, not quite knowing what to do with himself. He cleared his throat, his eyes avoiding Jongho’s as he processed the sudden shift in the atmosphere.
" what does yn have to do with your ' time loop' situation?" Hongjoong asked, looking away from Jongho.
" she comes to the party, tonight and Emma.."
Hongjoong's attention shifted slightly, his posture stiffening as he processed Jongho's words. His brows furrowed, as though trying to connect the dots in his mind. He turned back toward Jongho, his voice low but with a hint of curiosity.
" what does emma do Jongho ?"
He gulped, standing up from his bed as he went towards his window. " emma and her friends attack her but! I had no idea that she would! Seonghwa, wooyoung and i decided to pull a prank on her with the candy grams and-"
Hongjoong held his hand up, " you guys did what?" his voice now harden
Jongho stopped mid-sentence, his heart dropping at the sharpness in Hongjoong's voice. He turned slowly, meeting his friend's gaze with a mixture of guilt and confusion.
"We... we thought it would be funny," Jongho mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. "We thought Yn would laugh along with it, but—"
Hongjoong shook his head, his body clearly showing how anger he is. " figure your stupid time loop and you three leave yn alone. Understood"?
Jongho winced at the harshness in Hongjoong’s tone, but the seriousness behind his words hit him hard. Hongjoong was right—he couldn’t keep repeating the same mistakes, not with Yn, not with anyone.
“Understood, hyung,” Jongho replied, his voice steady despite the knot of guilt in his stomach.
➤ 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟖𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 𝟏𝟎:𝟏𝟓𝐚𝐦
Jongho’s gaze lingered on Yn, who sat at the far end of the classroom, her attention focused on the front as if she were trying to avoid everything around her. His chest tightened when he noticed Hongjoong seated beside her, his usual calm demeanor unmistakable even from a distance.
Had he always been there? The question swirled in Jongho’s mind as he tried to recall the classroom seating arrangement, but it felt like an insignificant detail compared to everything that had happened over the past few days. But something about the way Hongjoong was sitting so close to Yn made Jongho feel uneasy.
Hongjoong had always been protective of the people he cared about, but why was he just now noticing it towards Yn. The fact that he was now sitting beside her, close enough to be a physical presence in her space, stirred something in Jongho—a mix of guilt and a hint of jealousy. But more than that, it made him feel like an outsider in a situation that should’ve never escalated this far.
Jongho tensed as Seonghwa and Wooyoung entered the classroom, both dressed in their ridiculous Santa costumes, making their usual rounds with the candy grams. The sight was enough to make Jongho’s stomach twist with a mix of guilt and frustration.
Jongho’s breath hitched in his throat as Seonghwa and Wooyoung continued their rounds, their laughter echoing through the classroom. He couldn't shake the feeling of dread building in his chest as he watched them approach Yn. But something unexpected happened. As they walked past her, he saw the slightest shift in her posture.
Yn, who had been so tense just moments before, visibly relaxed, her shoulders dropping as if a weight had been lifted. And then, just as he was about to exhale in relief, he saw it—Hongjoong. his arm casually wrapping around her shoulders. Yn didn’t flinch, didn’t resist. Instead, she leaned into him ever so slightly, as if grateful for the familiar comfort.
The sight hit Jongho harder than he anticipated. There was something about the way Hongjoong was holding her, something gentle yet protective, that made Jongho feel like an outsider.
➤ 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟖𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 2:15p𝐦
Jongho's gaze lingered on Yn and San as they laughed and sang together, the sound of their voices blending in a melody that seemed to echo through his mind. He stood there, frozen, feeling like an outsider, even though he had always been part of this group.
It was strange, seeing Yn so effortlessly comfortable with his friends, especially San. He’d never noticed how natural their interaction was, how easily they fit together. The way they exchanged glances, their shared jokes—it all seemed so familiar, so effortless. But it left Jongho with an uncomfortable knot in his stomach. Why hadn’t he noticed it before? Why hadn’t he seen how close they were?
He swallowed, trying to shake off the feeling of jealousy rising within him. I don’t have the right to be jealous, he reminded himself. I haven’t exactly treated her like I should have.
He watched them for a moment longer, trying to convince himself that he wasn’t bothered by their chemistry. But the truth was, it stung. Maybe it was because he knew he had messed up so many times, and now, seeing Yn with others—people who seemed to care for her in a way he hadn’t—made him question his place in her life.
His heart ached as Yn laughed at something San said, her smile so genuine, so unguarded. Jongho couldn’t remember the last time he had seen her smile like that around him, not without a hint of hesitation, not with the same warmth. He clenched his fists at his sides, fighting the urge to walk in there and interrupt, to somehow prove that he belonged, that he could still be the one to make her smile that way.
Jongho’s steps faltered as the mention of his name sliced through the air, and he hesitated, turning to glance over his shoulder at San. He wasn’t sure how to respond. His heart skipped a beat—did Hongjoong talk to San about him?
He stood frozen, waiting for the conversation to unfold.
San casually passed Yn a bottle of water, his tone light but with a hint of seriousness as he asked, "Has hyung talked to you about Jongho?"
Jongho felt his throat tighten. The question made it clear that Hongjoong had indeed been discussing him with others, and now it was out in the open.
" no but he said he wanted me and him to talk things out tonight at the party." yn said, avoiding eye contact with San.
San patted her back, " what even made jongho hate you so much?"
yn shrugged her shoulders, " you tell me" she mumbled.
Jongho felt a sting at the mention of his name again, his heart sinking. He didn’t know what to say to that—what had made him act the way he did? How had things gotten so out of hand with Yn? And why hadn’t he been able to fix it?
San looked at Yn, his expression softening slightly as he noticed her discomfort. “You don’t have to answer that,” he said gently, noticing how she avoided eye contact with him. “But if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”
Yn didn’t respond at first, her eyes focused on the water bottle in her hands. She was silent for a long moment before she spoke up, barely above a whisper, “I don’t know what he wants from me anymore. One minute, it’s like we’re fine, and then the next…” Her voice trailed off, leaving the unspoken words hanging in the air.
San nodded his head, " what is even worse, his girlfriend would litterally kill you if you even glanced at him"
yn rolled her eyes, a giggle leaving her body as Jongho cringed as the though of emma. " now she really hates me for no reason. I'm the reason they got together anyways. "
San chuckled as he grabbed his bag, Jongho realizing they were heading his way. Rushing to get out the way, he had bumped into Emma. The one person he was trying to avoid.
" there you are! I was looking everywhere for you, Seonghwa and Wooyoung told me that the prank on the freak was cancelled. What the fuck happen?"
Jongho froze, feeling a chill run through him at Emma's words. Her voice was loud, demanding, and the anger in her tone immediately put him on edge. He glanced at her, his heart racing. She stood in front of him, arms crossed, looking ready to tear into him for whatever reason she had cooked up in her mind.
"I—I didn't want to go through with it," Jongho muttered, trying to find the words to explain without getting sucked into her wrath. "It wasn’t right."
Emma’s eyes widened in disbelief, and she took a step forward, closing the distance between them. "What do you mean, 'wasn’t right'?" she hissed, her voice low and threatening. "We’ve been planning this, Jongho. You’re just going to back out now because of some... what? Guilt? Did that freak do something to you?"
Jongho hissed in annoyance, guiding Emma away from the music door. Her protest going unnoticed as Jongho tried his best to hush her.
" can we not do this now?" Jongho hissed.
Emma rolled her eyes, " whatever. I don't know why you're flaking out now when we planned this weeks ago."
" i changed my mind," Jongho said, rather quickly.
Emma tsk, " was it hongjoong? Have you noticed how much he's been spending time with her?"
Jongho froze for a moment, his stomach tightening at the mention of Hongjoong. He quickly shook his head, trying to dismiss the thought. "No," he said firmly, his voice betraying none of the unease he felt. "It’s not about Hongjoong. I just don't want to do this anymore."
Emma gave him a skeptical look, clearly not convinced. "Really?" she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "You're telling me it's not about her, yet you're over here trying to play the hero? What, are you in love with her now?"
Jongho winced at the accusation, but he didn’t back down. "No. It’s not like that. I just realized it’s all messed up. We’re hurting people, and for what? A stupid joke?" His voice was quieter now, the weight of his words sinking in.
Emma's expression soured, her eyes narrowing as she took a step closer to him. "So now you're all about feelings, huh?" she spat, incredulous. "You think you can just back out and expect everything to be fine? We’ve got a plan, Jongho. You don’t get to just decide you're done."
Jongho shook his head. "I don’t care about the plan anymore, Emma. I care about not making things worse for Yn. I don’t want to be a part of this anymore."
Emma let out a frustrated sigh, crossing her arms over her chest. "Unbelievable," she muttered. "You really are pathetic, you know that?"
Jongho stood his ground, his frustration mounting. "I don’t care what you think about me," he said, his voice hardening. "I’m done. You can go ahead with your plan, but count me out."
For a moment, Emma just stood there, glaring at him, before she let out a sharp, mocking laugh. "Fine," she said, her tone cold. "Do whatever you want. But don’t expect anyone to take you seriously after this."
Without another word, she turned and stormed off, leaving Jongho standing there, his heart pounding. He felt a sense of relief, but also dread. He had finally made the decision to stop going along with Emma’s plans, but now he had to face the consequences. He wasn’t sure what would happen next, but for the first time in a while, he felt like he was taking control of his own life.
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lttlewing · 1 year ago
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halston sage as lindsay edgecombe
→ 1/∞ — before i fall
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rainkays · 7 months ago
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maybe for you there’s a thousand tomorrows…
or three thousand, or ten.
so much time you can bathe in it,
roll around in it.
let it slide like coins through your fingers…
so much time you can waste it
but for some of us there’s only today,
and what you do today matters.
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glasstablegrlz · 5 months ago
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for the body, the soul, and the mind.
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getosangel · 5 months ago
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close enough WELCOME BACK sam and lindsay as isabel and brittany
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postromanticismsblog · 11 months ago
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“So much time, you can waste it. But for some of us, there's only today, and what you do today matters - in the moment, and maybe into infinity... But I didn't know any of that... Until right before I fell.”
Before i fall (2017)
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snoopygirl666 · 11 months ago
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the only film ever
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haveyoureadthisbook-poll · 2 months ago
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idiotequie · 2 months ago
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I love this movie so much
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basicglitterbitxh · 2 months ago
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Forever an underrated movie 🩶
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quotelr · 1 month ago
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Here's one of the things I learned that morning: if you cross a line and nothing happens, the line loses meaning. It's like that old riddle about a tree falling in a forest, and whether it makes a sound if there's no one around to hear it. You keep drawing a line farther and farther away, crossing it every time. That's how people end up stepping off the edge of the earth.
Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall
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xoblairs-blog · 10 months ago
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Maybe for you there's a tomorrow 🩶🌍
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normalfaerie · 10 months ago
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When you’re young you just want to be older, and then later you wish you could go back to being a kid.
- before i fall by lauren oliver
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glasstablegrlz · 4 months ago
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“maybe for you there’s a tomorrow” Before I Fall (2017)
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virtuouslibertines69 · 1 year ago
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"Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there’s a tomorrow. Maybe for you there’s one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us there’s only today. And the truth is, you never really know." - Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall Art by Annie Stegg Gerard
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thefictionshelf · 1 year ago
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the book itself is just pretty good but i will never forgive Lauren Oliver for writing the most gut-wrenching knife, knife-twisting account of being a teenager and gay and in so deeply and plainly in love with you best friend but so deeply repressed that the cognitive dissonance doesn't let you see it ON ACCIDENT. The unjustified possessiveness that makes you feel insane, the simultaneous intimacy and distance, the desperation to feel seen and wanted by them, putting them on a pedestal to justify their ability to make you feel that way because you don't have the words to call it love UGH
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