#been working a decent amount and what time I haven't been working I've been playing breath of the wild

[kookslastbutton]

Loverboy ༓ kth (m)

✑ Summary: After a startling conversation with your coworkers, you start feeling insecure about your sexual prowess. You don't initiate as much, you haven't worn lingerie yet, and you're still timid about doing much seducing with your body–are you giving your boyfriend boring sex? Taehyung reassures you that you are perfect and have nothing to worry about.

Pairing: taehyung x reader

AU/Genre: fluff, smut, angst, established relationship

Word Count: 7,177

Warnings: feat. Jimin and Tannie, body insecurity (including some self-deprecation but nothing toooo bad), sexual insecurity, a hint of marriage insecurity, catty coworkers (one who wants your bf! 😠), swearing, social drinking, and explicit sexual content

Sexual warnings: oh where do I start? dom!taehyung, sub!reader, two smut scenes, praise kink, asking for consent, lingerie, foggy glasses, reader is on pill, f*ngering in the kitchen, oral (f.), d*rty talk, making out, tiny bit of breastplay, m*ssonary (legs over shoulders and then around waist), hand holding while c*ming bc I'm a sap, slight begging kink, back kisses, cuddling, taehyung calls oc sl*t once but all other times he is calling her beautiful, baby, etc., lots of neck kisses, oc does her best to initiate, if I have overlooked some my apologies....these are the main ones though.

Now Playing: UP by J. Valentine (thanks to tae's live ���)

A/N: I've been have crazy tae fever 😅 once again my pwp's turn into fluffy one-shots hahah with smut ofc. Anyway please enjoy 🥰 fyi oc isn't a virgin nor shy generally speaking, but she's nervous about her sexual abilities.

The last ten minutes of work on Fridays are possibly the best moments of your life.

And it’s all thanks to an unspeakably gorgeous man with ruffled ebony hair, perfectly plump cherry lips, and a seductive tiger-like gaze. The faint mole on his nose is wicked cute too and when he puts his reading glasses on–oh fuck.

Of course, you’re referring to your boyfriend, Taehyung. You accidentally bumped into him while he was taking his Pomeranian for a walk four months ago; leading to the messiest (yet cute) first date ever. Now, he and Tannie come over to your apartment every weekend for snuggles under your cozy fleece blankets.

TGIF right?

But while Friday nights typically consist of snuggling with two goofs, it means getting hammered at the bar downtown to your coworkers. You don’t typically take up their invites to join but tonight you were guilt-tripped into it. Something about chumming with the gossipy group rather than being on their blacklist for the seventh rejection in a row was more appealing—they can be a vicious bunch.

Taehyung wasn't off work for another hour or two anyway, leaving you with a decent amount of time to kill. So why not appease the peanut gallery for a few?

“It’s my two-year anniversary with Eun-woo,” one of your coworkers, Ji-won, pipes up after taking a sip of her Cosmopolitan. She swirls the glass in her hand before setting it down on the table. Ji-won works in the finance department and is absolutely gorgeous. Her skin is clear, has honey-colored eyes, and possibly the best body proportions a woman can have. Her personality is no joke either and her laugh? Infectious. Everyone who comes across her either wants to marry her or be her best friend.

The cynical part of you wants to dislike her but it’s impossible–that’s how charismatic she is.

“Oh my god, congratulations babe!” Another coworker of yours reaches over and pulls the woman into a tight squeeze, giggling at the news. Suzy also works in the finance department and the pair are the best of friends. “I can’t believe how well it’s been going between you and Eun-woo! What are you doing to celebrate? You have to tell me!” She grabs her friend's shoulders and shakes her.

Unlike Ji-won, Suzy is much more energetic and eager to know the details of everyone’s lives. Nosy in other words. But despite her invasiveness, she manages to attract a great number of suitors as well; taking nearly half of them home with her every night. Suzy has beautiful bone structure and to get to the point, she’s naturally very sexy.

You don’t feel the same way towards her as you do with Ji-won; you dislike her quite a bit. The main reason is that she has an insane crush on your boyfriend and shamelessly flirts with him whenever he’s around. She’s told you many times before that if anything happened between you two, to let her know. She masks it as a joke to lighten the blow but god, you don’t like calling people a bitch but if the shoe fits.

“We’re taking a short weekend trip to Jeju Island,” you hear Ji-won’s silky voice reply, cheeks growing rosier with each word. “I think he might propose to me but I’m so nervous.” Her fingers move to grip her Cosmopolitan; raising it to her ruby-red lips to take another sip.

“That’s so wonderful,” you start, downing a shot yourself. The burn of the alcohol rolling down the back of your throat serves as an excellent distraction from your personal worries about marriage. You love the idea but would anyone stay with you for life?

Your relationship with Taehyung has been going swimmingly well, with the occasional fight here and there, but you haven’t been together nearly long enough for a proposal to come into the picture. Maybe someday but you can’t afford to jump ahead of yourself.

“Jeju Island will be perfect for you both. You’re like a couple straight from the Hallmark movies,” you continue with an encouraging smile. “You be sure to tell us if he really does propose though. What hint did he give to cause your suspicions?”

Ji-won chuckles and tucks some of her hair behind an ear. “We were packing for the trip last night and I saw him sneak a small jewelry box into his bag. I didn’t say anything because I thought maybe I was seeing things but when I thought about it later, I don’t think I was wrong.”

Once again, Suzy grips the poor woman’s arm to tug it out of excitement. “Please tell me I get to plan the bachelorette party! I’ll hire only the best strippers for you babe, as long as you want them of course. Oh, I’m just so crazy about this! Weddings are my heart and soul!”

After watching the scene unfold in front of you a grimace spreads on your lips. “Weddings are your heart and soul?” you repeat as a question, trying to withhold your judgment. “Last I knew you weren’t the fondest of happily ever afters.”

“That’s a good point!” A fist suddenly pounds on the table. You all look toward the source; your third coworker Mina who’s already borderline drunk. Mina is your IT specialist and after so much HTML and Python, her brain is utterly fried. Similar to you, she started dating someone about six months back except he’s been on an overseas business trip for the past week.

“Suzy,” she points at the woman whose eyes widen at the stark gesture. “You sleep around, right? So __’s right that you don’t actually like fairytale weddings.” Her words slur a bit due to her drunken state.

Across the table, Suzy rolls her eyes and shrugs. “For myself yeah, but not for other people. I’m not against weddings entirely.” She leans towards Ji-won with hopeful eyes. “By the way, if you need help picking out what underwear to bring with you on your trip, just say the word.”

Ji-won’s previous blush returns fourfold at the offer. “Thanks but I have that under control.”

“Oh good,” she praises, waving her margarita around in her hand. “It’d be an atrocity if you didn’t. Lingerie is the cherry on top for keeping your sex life spicy, and if you didn’t have any I’d drag all of us to the store right now. __ agrees with me.” She winks. “Her and Taehyung must have gone through tons of sets by now.”

What. The. Fuck.

When did Ji-won’s potential engagement turn into a poke into your sex life?

You choose to ignore the comment entirely.

Not that she needs to know but you and Taehyung have recently started becoming very active in the bedroom; you're never in the same position twice. Even began getting down and dirty in the back seat of his car (...if he isn’t the biggest experimentalist you’ve dated then you don’t even know your own name).

But while it's been wild in the bedroom, lingerie isn’t an area you’ve explored yet.

You know, it sounds crazy. Surely a couple that's open to a whole list of kinks and positions would dabble in something as basic as lacy underwear.

It's not the case here.

Truth is you're timid of the whole idea; of purposefully seducing someone with your body. Would you be so bold? No, even if you are interested to try it out, you'd shy away within the first ten seconds.

Yes, you've recently become sexually active with your boyfriend but 90% of the time it's him who's doing the initiating. The subtle hand on your thigh or kiss on your neck while you're trying to wash the dishes—he's truly evil with that one.

Not to mention that Taehyung has your clothes ripped off before you can blink so what's the point of buying expensive, itchy lingerie?

Atrocity or not, you have your reasons.

"Well?" The sound of Suzy's nagging tone brings you out of your daze. She stares you down with piercing eyes, demanding a reply.

You merely shrug and take another shot.

Sorry, but you're not really into the whole swapping sex stories with the woman who wants to sleep with your boyfriend.

Suzy gives a small huff when she realizes you aren't talking. "So anyway..." she turns to the other two. "Sex is boring without a proper lace set. Or silk if that's more your thing. I have at least twenty in my draw." She takes the lime from the rim of her glass and plops it into her margarita proudly.

You're mid-eye roll when you hear Mina shouting in agreement. "Hell yeah, it's boring! I just got a new set the other day for a video call I'm having with my boyfriend tomorrow night." A round of oohs is given before she continues. You on the other hand listen intently. "Ever since he's been away in England at his conferences, it's been like a heaven sent to keeping our sex life alive."

Ji-won nods. "I wasn't sure how it would go the first time I wore lace for Eun-woo. Once I did, we never went back. It gave me a sense of power to take the lead too, which most men find really hot. It gets tiring when they have to do all the work all the time."

The girls chuckle together while your mind reels. Taehyung's never had a problem with you being in a simple t-shirt and sweatpants before fucking you silly. But then again, it's not like you've ever asked him.

Your face flushes at the thought—you've never actually asked if he wanted more.

Is he actually happy with the sex?

Should you be doing more for him like wearing lacy underwear or a maid outfit (or whatever's in these days)?

Maybe he isn't satisfied at all but tolerates it because he loves you. Sex isn't the only part that matters in a relationship you know.

Still.

It's an important one.

And if a few pieces of lace are seemingly such a necessity as your coworkers attest...then you're fucked.

Ji-woo places a gentle hand on your shoulder and furrows her eyebrows in concern. "You feeling okay? This is the second time you've zoned out in twenty minutes."

"Oh my god," Suzy gasps, hand covering her mouth. "It makes sense now. You haven't had sex with Taehyung yet have you?!" Her eyes smile at you devilishly as she bites down a grin. This woman seriously needs to get a hobby other than obsessing over your boyfriend.

"Actually," you drawl, scooting your chair backward until you're able to get up. "We have multiple times and we don't plan on stopping. He's coming to my place in an hour or so where he'll gladly fuck me wherever we please. I gotta head out for that now but see you all Monday."

You hurry away from the group as quick as you can, fully aware of their eyes burning holes in the back of your neck and jaws dropping in shock. Why did you say that __? Fuck it.

You feel unwell.

For the next hour and a half, you're restless; pacing around the house in search of meaningless tasks to do. Cleaning usually helps in these situations, though it's proving quite useless this time.

Are you a good sex partner?

Does he secretly wish you'd take the riegns more?

You fluff the living room pillow and toss it on the couch. Stupid. It's all stupid but you can't shake it.

When your boyfriend finally arrives at your place, you take a deep breath before throwing the front door open.

"Hi baby, how was your d—"

As soon as Taehyung strolls inside and sets Tannie down on your apartment floor, you grab the collar of his shirt and press your lips firmly on his. He's surprised at your boldness yet not the slightest disappointed given the hands that smoothly settle around your hips.

"I missed you," you say desperately, walking him back into your kitchen island. Taehyung grunts when the small of his back hits the edge.

"I missed you more."

He shoves his tongue into your mouth, drawing out a sweet moan from your lips. His favorite is when you gasp, hips bucking into his. So with subtle fingers, he untucks your blouse from your pants to trace up the expanse of your back. His cool fingers cause you to shiver as he does this; not because you're chilly but because of the growing anticipation inside you.

As Taehyung runs his large palms up and down your bare back, you card through his soft, fluffy hair. He knows how messed up you enjoy making it. That and it's typically a sign that you're extremely turned on; yearning for him.

He'll gladly take either.

"Oh!" You yelp when he spins you around until it's your back against the counter. An unexpected giggle comes out of you upon seeing his glasses foggy from your mid-make-out session. You do the honors of removing them from his face and carefully set them on the counter. "Hi handsome," you say, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer.

Taehyung lowers his head to nuzzle his nose in the crook of your neck, placing several feather-like kisses along the ridge. "Beautiful," he returns your greeting, smokey eyes lifting back up to meet yours. "Wasn't prepared to be kissed like that."

"Did you like it?" You bite your lip which most definitely does nothing to tame the growing erection in his trousers. Taehyung brings a thumb up to your lower lip and swipes across it lightly before pushing it into your mouth.

"I liked it a little too much." His voice drops a few octaves as he watches you suck on the digit. He'd rather have it be his big cock but it's all about the build-up. "I was trying to be a good boyfriend and ask about your day but all you seem to want is to get dicked down on your kitchen counter. Is that all that's on your mind tonight baby? To spread your legs like a dirty girl?"

You whine and rub your thighs together but he prys them apart with his knee. He then moves to unbutton your pants, watching for a nod in consent.

"Please Tae," you say once he retracts his thumb from your mouth, giving a brief nod. "Been waiting all week for you to touch me."

"Shit." Taehyung makes quick work of your pant button and unfastens the zip. He then dips his fingers into your underwear to glide across your folds. "You want me to touch you here baby? Stick my fingers in you and make you come around them?" He teases, obvious that you're wetter than the Pacific Ocean; you could probably take him all right here and now if he desired.

"Yes, put them in," you beg, bucking your hips into his hand. "Please, can't wait much longer."

He smirks at your neediness and begins to sink two of his fingers into your wet pussy, just the tips. "How's this? Can you come like this? You're so wet I bet you can."

You shake your head, inches from snarling at him. "More. Need your whole finger in me to come. Baby—"

As soon as you drop the 'B' word Taehyung pushes his fingers into you, all the way to the knuckle. The loud gasp you let out reminds him of how far his fingers can actually reach; sometimes he forgets how long and slender they are.

His pace is steady from the start, fingers pumping in and out of you as he watches your head fall back further and further in pleasure.

"Fuck," he swears and quickens his speed, curling his fingers to properly stimulate your sweet spot. "I can feel your pussy clenching and throbbing already. Come whenever you want okay?"

"Uh," you answer in a pant, sweat lining across your forehead as your body jerks back and forth.

"Mm that's it," he coos. "Can't even talk can you? That's okay, focus on how my fingers are making you feel. Good right?" He continues thrusting inside of you, loving how you've started riding his fingers in an attempt to make yourself come faster.

"F-feels amazing Tae!" You moan as the peak of your high inches closer and closer. To help get you off, Taehyung circles his thumb over your clit and latches his lips to the side of your neck.

"You wanna come?" He taunts between kisses and you reply with a breathy 'yes'. Taehyung smirks and nibbles on your ear, licking the shell of it a little until finally, you come all over his fingers.

"Such a dirty slut," he says, slipping his fingers out of you and cleaning them off. He kisses you afterward while his hands work to remove your blouse. Once he has the material pushed off your shoulders he kisses a hot trail down to your collarbone.

Taehyung reaches behind your back to unclasp your bra next but then, he feels your body suddenly tense up. It's not a good tense-up either, it's stiff and uncomfortable.

"You okay beautiful?" He stops all movements and puts his hands on either side of you, caging you between him and the counter. "Did I go too far? Shit I'm sorry if I did, you can tell me."

You shake your head fervently, rejecting the idea. "No, you didn't do anything." You then glance down at yourself in your plain black underwear; nothing fancy. All at once the conversation with your coworkers floods your thoughts again and you feel silly for letting it consume you but it does, it bothers you.

"Taehyung I—" you choke on your words as you watch your boyfriend's previously playful face turn into one of worry. You glance down at your hands and chuckle, feeling bad that you just ruined the mood. "I really need your dick in me, let's just get back to it." You move to kiss him but he doesn't let you.

"Hold on a second. I know that laugh," he says, looking deep into your eyes. "Something's bothering you."

"Oh no, I was just thinking that you must be really hard right now so—" You wave your hands about but he grasps them into his, softly.

"Stop. My dick can wait. What's going on?"

You sigh and allow your shoulders to slump a little. "Its nothing, Tae."

"Which means it's absolutely something." He takes the initiative to lift you on the counter; into a seated position and you know, you're not getting out of this until you tell him what's up.

A good 30 seconds of silence pass with him patiently waiting for you to say something, anything. Taehyung's about to prod a little more until you blurt it out all at once.

"Am I sexy? I mean, we have sex but are you...satisfied? Are there fantasies you haven't told me yet? And what about lingerie? You know I haven't worn any of that so...am I boring? Is it boring to have sex with me? Because I can wear that stuff if you want...if you like it I mean."

Taehyung's mouth gapes open at you, baffled by what he's just heard. It takes him a few moments to gather his thoughts; the last thing he wants is to be an idiot and reply dumbly.

"I'm sorry," he starts and rubs soothing circles on your hands. "I don't know where to start. Of course, you're sexy, you're my angel. And boring? This coming from the woman who makes me hard just by looking at her?"

"Tae I know that–"

"I love you," he continues. "And I love all the things your pussy does to me. There's nothing you need to do, wear, or say for those to be true. Now who gave you the idea that you're boring? Was it me? Shit, it was me wasn't it?"

"No! It wasn't." Your fingers tighten in his hold, eyebrows raising in slight alarm. "I was out with some girls from work and they said that lingerie is the cherry on top for keeping sex spicy. They also said that sex is boring without it and that a woman should take charge in the bedroom so her partner isn't doing all the work."

"Well, that's bullshit."

"Taehyung! You're not taking this seriously."

"I am baby. I promise I am. But since when did fabric define a healthy, thriving sex life? We fuck all the time without lingerie and last I checked we both come. And you know why? Because we're made for each other and we have really great sex. I'm not one to blab about our sex life to others but if I did, everyone would be jealous. Especially of me, because I'm with a literal angel. So not to belittle your coworkers but they're a little narrow-minded."

The faintest smirk pulls at the corner of your boyfriend's lips as he slowly dances his fingers along your waist. "By the way, I would happily do all the work. I aim to please as you know. And taking charge isn't a problem for you seeing as you practically jumped me two seconds from walking into the door. Poor Tannie is scarred for life now. I think he ran into your bedroom."

"Stop," you allow a chuckle, feeling the tension lighten from his joke. "Tannie's seen a lot worse, I'm sure. He just likes my fluffy comforter. Little dog has high standards just like his daddy."

"It's true, I spoiled him too early." Taehyung's grin spreads like oil across his face and you smile as well, not as wide as his but enough that the mood picks back up. "Back to what we were talking about though. I don't want you to think that you're not giving me enough okay? Maybe for your coworkers, sex is different for them and fair enough, they have their own relationships to maintain. But, as long as you're alright with how we're doing, both in and out of the bedroom, then we're perfectly fine."

"So..." You pause to take in the drastic difference in opinion. "You don't want me to wear a sexy lace set or something? What about a ribboned bodysuit? I've seen those becoming more and more popular because they show–"

"Yes, I–I'm aware of the variety out there." He wets his lips, thumbs pressing into your delicate skin harder. "I won't lie in saying I wouldn't love seeing you in a set or two, but I think it's up to you. Because the only thing I need is for you to be comfortable, whether it's in an oversized t-shirt and baggy sweats or naked on this countertop. You're stunnimg to me either way because it's you in front of me and no one else."

"I love you Tae," you sigh and lean into his chest, arms wrapping around his waist to bring him near. Naturally, his crotch brushes against yours as he inches to stand between your parted legs. "Wow, you're still hard?" You snort, feeling his very obvious bulge.

Taehyung kisses the top of your head. "Yes, you'll be surprised at how long I can last with a boner."

A week after your conversation with Taehyung and getting possibly the best fuck of your life on your kitchen island, you find yourself at the mall with your favorite pink-haired boy; Park Jimin. You and Jimin have been close since college and when you say there are no secrets between you, you mean it.

Jimin is also a fashion mogul which is why he's insisted he tag along with you on your search for new clothes. Due to the coolness of the season, you're in need of some warm fall clothing. He prefers you look for something from Dior or Chanel but you put a stop to that; your bank account doesn't have the funds to support that joy ride just yet.

"My grandma's sweater looks better." You hear your best friend sass for the twentieth time behind you. "Put it back __."

"No." You throw the hanger with the baby blue cardigan over your arm and continue browsing through the sale rack. "I happen to like this one, you snob."

The man instantly slaps a hand over his heart as if mimicking being shot. "So rude when I'm just trying to save you from a fashion disaster. If my assistance isn't needed then I might as well go over to the men's section and take a look at the new cufflinks I saw on the way in."

You give your eyes a roll and if you did it once more, they'd get stuck up there. "Fine by me, you've been gawking at them the entire time we've been here. I thought you didn't dwell with the commoners Mr. Only-Buys-Designer-Staight-From-The-Runway-Itself."

"Well, what can I say," Jimin snaps and heads for the other side of the store. "We all have faults. It just so happens that my new partner prefers these kinds of cheap renditions over classic Prada cufflinks."

"Aww poor Chim," you holler after him. "Maybe gift him a pair for Christmas to help break him in?"

"Tried that for his birthday and it was a major fail __. But it's all good because I'm saving that gift for someone else."

You freeze at the questionable choice of words. "And who's that?" you ask. Jimin whips his head over a shoulder and smiles sweetly.

"Your boyfriend. Did you forget he also loves designer?"

"Oh yeah, right. Thanks, Jimin." You hold out the baby blue cardigan, observing it once more. Maybe you shouldn't get this? Not that it matters to Taehyung what you wear either but....maybe it does look old ladyish.

"Hey," your best friend strides over to you again with a softened expression. "Everything alright between you two?"

"Everything's great, you just got me thinking of something is all. I recently had a small talk with him last night about, you know, our bedroom situation."

Though your voice is lowered Jimin understands you clearly. You confide in him a lot so of course he knows about all your personal challenges; the ins and outs of you. He's known about your hesitations towards lingerie and intimacy long before Taehyung came into the picture.

"Oh shit," he swears under his breath. "What did he say?"

You proceed to retell him the highlights of last week's conversation; how sensitive Taehyung was to you and how he told you it's up to you if you want to bring lingerie into the mix. Jimin nods along.

"So what about you then? Do you want to explore the endless realm of lacy bodysuits, transparent bras and panty sets, garters, and aisles of naughty roleplay outfits to fulfill your sexual fantasies or no?"

"Damn, no wonder that lingerie store you worked at straight out of college didn't want you to leave. Anyway, I was thinking about giving it a try but I'm still unsure. It's not that I don't want to or that Taehyung's pressuring me–I still just feel really nervous."

"Here's a thought then." Jimin hums aloud. "What if we went to an underwear store and you tried on a few things? You don't have to buy any of it or take any home to show off. It'll be an experiment of sorts."

You ponder the idea and it doesn't sound half bad. Low commitment right?

"Okay. I think there's a Victoria's Secret on the second floor."

"Oh no no," the man shakes his head as if amused by your cuteness. "We're going somewhere a little more special than that."

"Jimin! Help please!" You holler from inside the dressing room of one the poshest boutiques you've been in. Turns out the place you've been dragged to is a high-end underwear store called Delilah's. You were beyond skeptical of the price on your way in but it wasn't horrible.

"Oh my god," Jimin rushes into the stall with you as soon as you call for him. "You look so sexy in this __. Like a Christmas present waiting to be unwrapped."

"The tiny silk bows on this thing barely cover my nipples." And you're not exaggerating. The set you've opted to try on first is Jimin's pick; a strappy red two-piece with matching garters, silk choker, and bows over both breasts. He says it's supposed to be like a sexy Mrs. Clause but while it's sexy for sure, it's way more revealing than how you'd prefer (at least the first time trying this kind of thing out).

"Turn around," he commands. "You're straps are a little loose."

"I don't think this one fits me Chim. This is obviously meant for a specific body type and it's not mine." You have a hard time staring at yourself in the mirror so you stare down towards the floor instead.

Jimin takes a small breath and turns your shoulders back around so you're facing him again. "This is for anyone who wants to wear it, love. Your body is beautiful and this set looks smashing on you. If it's not your style, no problem, but I won't have you getting down on yourself."

"You're starting to sound like Taehyung now." You give a nervous chuckle and rub your arm.

"If it means you listen to him then good. I'm your best friend and your biggest supporter __ so you know I'll always be honest with you. Now do we not like this because it's not to your taste or is it because you're not good enough for it?"

"Not...my taste," you slowly draw out the words. "Thanks Chim."

"You really mean that?" He straight into your eyes, knowing you have a habit of telling him only what he wants to hear sometimes. You nod.

"Yes, and I was thinking maybe we can keep the color the same but go for something a little tamer?"

"Anything for you, love."

Well, he convinced you to buy the third set you tried on at the boutique. It's a similar shade of red as the first set; the ones with the bows on it, but covers a bit more. Both the bra and panties are strappy and made of sheer, but also have the occasional lace detailing to cover the important parts. A matching red robe made of silk was included in the purchase too.

When you got home, you shoved the set into the back of your drawer, not thinking you'd take it out any time soon.

But alas, you did.

You're now twisting in front of your bedroom mirror with it on, along with the robe which loosely hangs off your shoulder.

"Is this cute?" You ask yourself. "I look kinda different with it on. Maybe I should return it," you continue to talk to yourself in mutters until your bedroom door squeaks open. You jump at the sudden intrusion.

There, sauntering into the bedroom is your boyfriend's dog. Being Friday again, Taehyung and Tannie came over to spend the weekend with you. But while your boyfriend is busy showering in your bathroom, Tannie has decided he wants to make himself cozy on your bed.

"Hi Tan." You crouch down on your knees in front of the pup and give him a few good pat. He yips at you but doesn't move away. "Have you still not made up your mind about me yet? I know I took your daddy away from you so now you don't have him all to yourself anymore but didn't I give you extra treats this morning?"

Tannie's big eyes look up at you and then towards your bed. He then trots over to the edge where his doggie stairs are and uses them to climb up atop the bed. You stand up from your kneeled position and place your hands on your hips.

"Well, I guess you made this place your home huh?" You watch as the little dog spins three times in a circle before plopping down. "Alright, you're too cute to be fake mad at. Since you're here though, maybe you can help me."

You feel utterly stupid for what you're about to do next, yet that feeling doesn't stop you. "What do you think about this new set I got? It's my first one so I'm excited but it looks weird right?"

Tan huffs and stares at you.

"Yeah? It does, doesn't it? You know when I got this I was thinking maybe I could get into it...this whole lingerie thing. And it's sexy, no denying that, but as I told my friend Jimin. It's not meant for my bod–"

Your sentence is abruptly cut off when a pair of hands make their way around your hips. They stay atop your robe yet the burn of your boyfriend's fingers is still fiery hot.

When did he get out of the shower?

Taehyung stands behind you in a pair of silk pajama bottoms and nothing else. His bare chest presses lightly against your back and his wet hair falls messily around his face with a few strands covering his eyes. "Hi," he breathes in a husky tone, right next to your ear. It sends a whole trail of shivers up your spine. "What's not meant for your body, baby?"

In a ball of nervous energy, you move to tug the robe as closed as you can, forcing his fingers to loosen around your body. "Tae! I didn't hear you get out of the shower. I was just talking to Tannie and I-I'm gonna go get changed, now that the bathroom's free."

You'd make a beeline out your bedroom door if it weren't for the arm that snakes around your waist, pulling you back into his chest. "Do you have to change? Because I really, really don't want you to. As always I'll let you make your own decisions though..." Evilly, he sweeps your hair all to one side to expose the nape of your neck. He then places a kiss on the sensitive area; too soft, his lips are too soft.

You bite your moan back however, don't meet his question with a response. The thought of opening your robe and showing him the number underneath makes you crazy with arousal. You just wish you didn't have the pesky whisper that tells you that there's nothing to go crazy for after you do.

You're really not trying to be so hard on yourself but can you actually do this? The set is hot, sure, but maybe it was a mistake to g– "Oh Tae, fuck." You gasp when your boyfriend latches his mouth on the side of your neck, sucking on it lewdly. It never fails to send your head backward into his firm chest. Your eyes fall shut to bask in the pleasure. "You're way too good at this," you coo.

Taehyung slowly traces down the fabric of your robe, near the opening. It's a struggle for him not to pull the thin material open. "Can I see?" It's a plead.

You wet your lips and fiddle with the material yourself. "I-I don't know."

"Let me rephrase that." He folds his palms over your fingers and spins you both around so you're able to see each other's reflection in your full-length mirror. "Do you want me to see?" His deep, lusty eyes lock with yours in the glass. Taehyung brings his chin down to your shoulder, resting it there calmly while his grip tightens around you.

He gives you as long as you need to reply.

"...yes," you finally decide, dragging your robe down and off your shoulders. Taehyung groans and kisses your bare shoulder as you cautiously show yourself to him.

"Tan." His voice calls out, more gruff than when he was speaking with you moments ago. "Living room." The little dog's ears perk up and he flees off the bed and out the room.

"Did he really have to go?"

"He's our baby. He can't witness all the nasty things I'm about to do to you. He'll make himself comfy on the couch, don't worry." Your boyfriend runs his hands up your thighs before helping you remove your robe completely. "I haven't said it yet so I'm going to do it now. You look fucking hot in this, like a lucid dream. I don't deserve this, fuck."

"Really?"

His fingers sensually trace your curves, then the thin band of your lace panties. "Yeah, really," he hums and cups your mound. "This color on you is making me insane. I can't decide if I want to take it off or savor it on your body a little longer."

"Tae—mfph!" He doesn't let you finish, preferring to turn you around so he can press his lips on yours. He moves with passion, nipping your bottom lip to sneak his tongue inside. Your moans only grow louder when his grinds his hips into you.

With a gentle pull, Taehyung leads you to the edge of your bed. "Lay down for me, on your stomach."

You do as he says and slide onto your mattress, face down. All your senses tingle at once when you feel his body hovering over you. His legs straddle you from behind as his hands cling to the sheets on either side of you.

"Tae what are you doing?" Your senses heighten, your heart thumping at the inability to see him.

"This," he answers and brings his warm lips to the small of your back. The tiny jolt of surprise doesn't stop him from continuing to kiss up your spine and all the way up between your shoulder blades. He's never kissed you like this before. Your body arches off the bed from the newness and arousal pools between your thighs.

"This feels ni-nice." The broken moan spurs your boyfriend on. He kisses you the same way again, faster. Clearly, wherever your boyfriend's lips touch you, you like it tenfold.

Once he gets back to your shoulder blades Taehyung lifts his head up and unclasps your bra. He then flips you over, gives you a quick peck, and rips the now pesky material off your body.

"I love seeing this on you and I wanted to wait it out some more but I can't do it." He cups the swell of your breasts, squeezing them together while his thumbs fondle your perky nipples. "You look so, so beautiful and I need to make love to you now or I'm going to come in my pants like a teenager." He releases your breasts and mouths at the supple flesh, tongue licking across the peaks.

"Fuck," you moan and sink your fingers into his hair. "I need you too. Please."

Your panties are off before you know it, the cool air hitting your warm pussy. Taehyung spreads your thighs wide open and tells you to keep them there until he gets his own pants and underwear off. He's seconds from putting himself into you when he pauses.

"Can't skip over this can we?" He circles your clit with the pad of his thumb and lowers his head down to your center. "Not that you really need it seeing as you're soaked down here, but I'm a creature of habit." He proceeds to lick up your folds, teasing your clit at the same time.

"Oh, oh my god Tae!" You claw his hair harder and reflexively buck your hips into his mouth, drawing a deep groan from him.

"Shit!" He raises his face from between your thighs with lips already glistening with your arousal. "Maybe I can finish eating you out after I fuck you into the mattress."

You nod your head. "Okay, yeah sure, fuck me. I'm still on the pill."

Taehyung lifts both of your legs over his shoulders and rubs the tip of his cock up and down your entrance. You clench at the teasing. "You are literally going to be the end of me, baby." He thrusts himself all the way into you, bottoming out much quicker than other times.

"Fuuck," you both moan at the stretch. Taehyung's hips snap forward with vigor, his thick length being squeezed by your velvet walls with each push and pull.

"Goddamn, this pussy is too good for me. So hot and tight, shit! You're so beautiful you know that? Everything you are. That's why—it's why it hurt me so much when you asked if I thought you were sexy or boring last week."

Your nails dig into the sheets as you watch the veins protrude from his neck. His eyes, on the other hand, are laser-focused on you.

"Hurt....you?"

"Yes," he affirms, fucking into you faster with hard, controlled thrusts. "Hurt me so much because you're mine and I–fuck I'm gonna come soon!"

I never want you to question how I feel about you. And when you asked me those things, it made my head spin. Our relationship is not all about sex and I thought maybe I was making it seem like that. And now, seeing you in sexy red set gives me such a mindfuck but I don't want you to feel like it's just because of the lace."

"No, no not at all. I don't think any of that because you're perfect to me too Tae. Going out with my coworkers and having that conversation just triggered me. This is all still new to me....us."

"I know." Taehyung unexpectedly stops his movement to lower your legs from his shoulders. He then brings them around his mid-section which you gladly wrap around. "It's new to me too but we're just starting right?" Your hands are intertwined with his when he resumes his previous brutal pace.

"Right," you breathe, fingers gripping his firmer against the mattress "I'm-I'm gonna come baby. It's so close."

"Me too."

You both have your release at the same time, panting like crazy from the post-orgasmic bliss. Taehyung rides both your highs out, then pulls out of you slowly.

"Holy fuck." You're the first to speak. "That damn lingerie really did make our sex better."

"Better?" Taehyung squeaks out. "What do you mean better? Was it not as good before?"

"I'm kidding, however, I do think you were a lot more eager this time. What happened to the whole being able to last with a boner for eternity if you have to speech?"

He breaks out into a cute grin. "I guess I was bullshitting then, lesson learned. Also, even though the lingerie is hot we don't have to keep doing it...I mean if you want to–"

You shut him up with a kiss and snuggle into him. "Maybe we'll try it again. It was kinda fun. Either way, you're right, we don't need it because I love you."

"I love you more. Now how about I fulfill that promise earlier about eating you out?" He jerks back to look at you with a quirked brow.

"Taehyung....we were having a moment."

"Oh shit, sorry. We can keep snuggling, come here beautiful." He pulls you back into himself with a smile.

a/n: Hoping you enjoyed ☺ LMK your thoughts 💞

masterlist

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[candlewaxandp0lar0ids]

Hi all, so, basically I've been having a lot of thoughts and feelings about the state of fanfiction these days. Specifically, I've been thinking about the relationship and interactions between writers and their readers within the fandom (talking about my fandoms in particular, but I know that similar things seem to be happening across the board). I know that authors have been talking about how they've been getting less and less comments and feedback in general on their work. I haven't said much about it because I don't want to appear ungrateful to the people who take the time to leave detailed feedback — I'm incredibly grateful to them and they've played a huge part in keeping me going for this long. If you've left a comment on any of my works and see this and wonder if you haven't done enough, trust me, you have.

Still, if I'm being honest, the amount of silent readers is starting to take its toll on me. It's gotten to the point where when I write something, if it's a decently long piece (let's say over 4k), I'm likely to get less comments on the work than I've put hours into writing it. It sometimes feels like I have to beg for comments and that is not a nice feeling. As an author, it's hard to see that and not think that it says something about the quality of the work you've put out.

I've been trying to think of things that could help, I have a bunch of thoughts that I'll probably try to organize at some point (namely i think a network for writers to have constructive feedback, which doesn’t always mean negative feedback btw, could have a positive impact — feel free to let me know if you’d be interested but also i’ll probably make another poll for that). For now, I wanted to ask: as readers, if you don't leave comments, is it because you're not sure of what to say or how to articulate it? If so, would it help if I made a post detailing things you can tell writers in the comments (other than the classic, but always good 'I loved it')? In general I'd love to know more about why people don't leave comments.

Expect a couple more posts on the subject once I've collected my thoughts and in the meanwhile, here's a poll to let me know if it would help. Reblog to increase visibility/sample size, etc.

[hopelesslyromanticgay]

An Americano Please Part 4

Word count: 1819 A/N: pretty dialogue heavy chapter. No huge TW's as far as I can tell

Y/N's POV

11 AM rolls around and I'm standing in front of Jenna's apartment complex, anxiously tapping my foot on the ground.

It's a nice day today, not a lot of clouds, which is rare for Autumn here.

"Morning," a familiar voice says. I look up to see Jenna smiling at me, her long black hair swaying with the slight breeze. 

"Hey, how'd ya sleep?" I ask.

"Pretty good, I was really tired," she tells me, pushing her bangs out of her eyes.

"Yeah, working a much as you seem to tends to have that effect," I chuckle.

"I guess it does, but it's not like I can just stop working," she reminds me.

"I get that, everyone needs a job in this day and age," I agree.

"You- you have a leaf in your hair," she giggles.

"I do?" I ask, feeling around my scalp to try and find it.

"Here, let me just..." she gets up on her tip-toes and pulls the leaf from my hair. I find it impossible to conceal my obvious blush.

"All good?" I ask.

"Yep," she smiles.

"Shall we walk?" 

"Lead the way."

We start to walk down the street, quiet at first. Neither of us really know what to say.

"So how come you speak English?" Jenna asks out of the blue.

"Oh, I grew up in an English speaking country, but my parents read in some magazine that raising children bilingually makes them smarter. Turns out they happened to know Romanian, so I kinda just grew up speaking both languages," I explain. 

"I see," she replies.

"They were wrong, by the way."

"Huh?" she inquires.

"It didn't make me smarter, just a more valuable asset to cafe staffs," I joke.

"Ok, that makes sense," she giggles, "so why'd you come here?"

"Who knows, maybe it was to cover up an elaborate crime," I say blankly, "do you speak any other languages?"

"No, just English, but I know a really small amount of Spanish," she confirms, "but I have to know more. Did you murder someone? Am I your next victim?"

"No don't worry," I laugh, "I wouldn't do that to anyone."

We walk a little more in silence, with me pointing out little landmarks as we go.

"That's Casa Zuzulache (this is literly a real place I found it on snapmap) it's an old motel, for some reason it shows up as a night club on a lot of maps though. Confuses a lot of tourists," I chuckle.

"Yeah, I can imagine," she laughs along, "like, you walk into what you think will be the time of your life and all you see is a tired old person behind a desk!" 

We laugh as we continue to walk, I don't know when it started, but at some point, she had slipped her hand into mine, and hadn't moved it since. Normally when someone I like does this, I feel an anxious sort of butterflies, but this. This just feels... right. 

"There's Freya House, it's also a hotel, but it has a decent restaurant. Apparently the soup is bad, but most things I've had there are pretty good."

"Good to know. I haven't gone out to eat much since I've been here. Most places can't accommodate vegans," she says.

"Oh you're vegan!" I exclaim, "no wonder you kept ordering oat milk. I just thought you were really gay!"

She bursts out laughing, "I'm probably some for of gay, but yeah. I'm a vegan." Okay, so by that logic I probably have a chance with her. 

"Where do you film?" I ask, "I could give you some nearby food recommendations."

"That'd be great!" she smiles, "I film at Cantacuzino Castle!"

"Dang," I tell her, "that's pretty cool. It's so beautiful there! As for restaurants:If you have cash to spend, I recommend Canta Cuisine. It's a really nice restaurant. Really plays into the whole 'castle' vibe."

"Ooh cool, you'll have to take me," she grins.

"Bold of you to assume I have the money, haha!" I laugh

"Anywhere else?"

"There's a pretty good pizza place called Eidolon that I'm sure has vegan options."

"If they have fake cheese, I'll go," she laughs, "so what do you like to do around here?"

"My friend Nessa and I like to go to Eidolon every other Friday," I start, "there's not a whole lot to do around here. A lot of the time I just watch TV, feed my betta, work, and go for walks."

"Oh my gosh, you have a betta?" she asks.

"Yeah, her name's cupid!"

"Can I meet her?"

"Sure, I'll take you by my place in a bit if you want," I offer.

"I'd like nothing more," she smiles, "so where are we going right now?"

"You'll see," I reply mysteriously.

"Oh my god you really are gonna murder me, aren't you," she laughs, her eyes lighting up.

"Now why would I murder someone as gorgeous and charismatic as yourself?" I smirk.

"You think I'm gorgeous?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Uhh, yeah. Have you seen yourself?"

"No, I'm a vampire and can't see my reflection," she deadpans.

"Very funny," I respond matching her deadpan, "I don't think you meet the height requirement for vampires though." I reach down to pat her head.

She pouts, letting go of my hand and playfully shoving me, "hey! that's not fair!" 

"Okay, I'm sorry," I fake offense.

"You better be." We continue to walk in a comfortable silence until we get to where I want to show her.

It's about thirty minutes of walking, and the block before we get there, I playfully cover her eyes.

"What's going on?" she inquires hesitantly.

"I don't wanna spoil the surprise!" I reply innocently.

"Okay then." We continue to walk the last block before I finally uncover her eyes.

"Behold," I start to say, "the only English bookstore in Busteni Romania!"

"Oh my god, you're the most amazing human being I have ever met!" she exclaims, practically dragging me through the door.

"You said you liked to read so I assumed this would be fun for you," I tell her.

"Are you kidding? This is the best place ever!" she rushes over to the nearest shelf like a kid in a candy store. I knew this would be a good idea. Her adorable smile tells me just how thrilled she is.

"You're my new favorite person!" she announces. I feel a deep blush creeping up my face.

Jenna frantically searches the shelves, taking a book here and there, but mostly just looking, "I'm gonna come here any chance I get!"

"Mind if I join you from time to time?"

"Only if you bring me coffee," she giggles, she has the cutest laugh, "just kidding, you can join me anytime."

"I just might take you up on that offer." Now it's her turn to blush. 

We stay in the bookstore for about an hour, looking at practically every shelf. By the end, we have more books than we can possibly count.

"Today was really fun, thank you," Jenna smiles, taking my hand in hers.

"Of course, and hey, now you know Busteni a little more!"

"So, are we going to your place or what?" she asks.

"Okay, okay," I laugh, "let's go."

It's not more than a five minute walk from the bookstore to my apartment, which is really nice.

We spent most of the walk in a comfortable silence, enjoying each other's  company.

"Ladies first," I joke, holding the door to the complex for her as we walk inside.

"Woooow, how chivalrous," she laughs along, "cool building."

"Thanks, I guess."

We walk up the painfully steep stairwell to my apartment, Jenna insisted on not taking the elevator, so stairs were the only other option.

"Here's my place," I tell her, unlocking the door. My apartment's not huge, but it's not tiny either. It's a one bedroom with a nicely sized kitchen, perfect for me.

"Wow nice kitchen!" she exclaims, "I should have known you'd have your own espresso machine."

"What can I say, I love my job," I joke, "nah this thing's ancient, but it works great."

"You have a cool place. My apartment doesn't feel like a home yet, more like a hotel room," she confesses.

"Well maybe it's because you haven't made it yours yet," I suggest, "why don't you try decorate it more to your tastes? That is, unless you already have."

"No, I'm barely unpacked, I've hardly lived here for a month."

"Well if you ever need a hand unpacking, give me a call," I smile.

"Okay, I'll take you up on that offer. Now where's this betta fish you were telling me about?"

"Cupid's over here," I guide her towards my bedroom.

"Damn, taking me to bed already. This is moving pretty fast," she laughs.

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" I blush, "Cupid's just in my room." I open the door so she can see the tank.

"Oh my god she's amazing. I used to have a one," she says.

"What happened to yours?" I inquire.

"He jumped out of the tank and suffocated," she says sadly.

"I'm so sorry, that's terrible," I reply, squeezing her hand.

"Probably my first heartbreak," she laughs.

"So what do you wanna do?" I ask.

"I don't know," she admits, "do you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure!" I say, "what are your thoughts on horror?"

"I love horror! You know I've actually been in a few horror movies?"

"That's sick!" I exclaim, "which ones?"

"The new scream, which has yet to come out, and another one called 'X,'" she tells me.

"Scream's a great franchise, it's so cool that you got to be part of it," I compliment her, "I'll try to watch those movies when they come out for sure."

"Oh my god don't," she grimaces, "it's so embarrassing."

"Okay, I just won't tell you if I do," I smirk.

"What were you thinking of watching right now?" she changes the subject.

"There's a new trilogy out called Fear Street if you'd be interested in that? The first takes place in the nineties apparently."

"Sounds fun. I love nineties and eighties music," she confesses.

So that's how we spend our evening, watching the whole entire amazing trilogy.

.... a few hours later ....

"It's getting late, will you walk me home?" she asks.

"Of course," I respond, helping her up from the couch.

We walk home avidly discussing what we had just watched.

"And that reveal with Sarah? Incredible!" she exclaims, "no one would have seen that coming!"

"Exactly! Like, everything you had seen up to that point was just the opposite of what was actually true," I agree.

"Okay but Deena's music taste is phenomenal," Jenna adds, "like it's just so..." she tries to explain the concept but there's really no words to exclaim how good the first movie's soundtrack was.

"And the Cindy and Alice sidestory?" I bring up, "like, so realistic, so queer coded, all around amazing."

"Yeah the representation of so many groups was really well done," she concludes.

"Well, this is my place," she says when we get to her apartment. I wish today would never end.

"Thank you for today, Y/N," she smiles, "I had such a good time, and you made it really special." She gets up on her tip-toes to kiss my cheek. We both stare at each other blushing.

"Good night, Jenna," I squeeze her hand, "It was nice getting to know you."

"I'll stop by the shop for coffee tomorrow, pretty girl," she winks, walking off into the building.

Today was a great day.

Here's some Jenna photos to fuel your brain!!!

[scumbag4scumbag]

Shameless Self-Promotion: Comments Requested

So, this fanfic universe kinda feels like my magnum opus of wrestling fic... I've written others, mostly AdaMJF/BTYBB fics (and I'm more than happy to share those links as well), but I started this CMJF verse with what was supposed to be a one-shot set in a world where Max is the heir to a rich New York family's business and fortune, and Punk is the older, poor as fuck, guitarist in a band who turned Max's life upside down. The first piece I wrote was Max drunkenly calling Punk after being abandoned a week before his wedding to Adam Cole, the guy his parents had approved of. But it grew... and grew... and grew.

Unfortunately, I've put in a lot of work, but haven't gotten much feedback on it. My AdaMJF stuff gets a decent amount of feedback, but CMJF not so much... maybe because they don't actually interact anymore, so the ship fandom is dying? IDEK. But I know there's a lot of AO3 writers on the old Tumblr, so I figure worst case? Nobody sees this and best case? I get some feedback!!

Anyways... without futher ado, let me link ya.

Toxicity Is a Virtue... or Something: A CMJF AU Universe Description: Maxwell Jacob Friedman is the golden son of a wealthy New York family. CM Punk is his parents’ worst nightmare.

Part 1: Watch Me Turn Your Mind Into My Home Summary: Max is slumming at a punk rock club with his friends. Punk is playing that club with his band. Worlds collide and shit gets messy. In Progress

Part 2: Why Are You Here? Summary: It's been a few months since Maxwell Jacob Friedman and CM Punk broke up, and they've both moved on. Or so they both think. Complete - One-shot

Part 3: Pretty When You Cry Summary: Max thought he had finally found the person who would love him forever -- who would never break his heart -- in the person of Adam Cole. But as usual? Max thought wrong. -or- 5 times Adam truly smiled at Max and 1 time he tried to but failed. Complete - One-shot

Part 4: Sick Like Me Summary: Maxwell Jacob Friedman is the son of one of New York City's richest families, and as such, his parents have been planning his life for a long time. CM Punk is the much older, much poorer guy he dated 5 years ago. Adam Cole is the charmer Max's parents loved until he left him a week before their wedding. Larry just wants a treat. In Progress

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset that all my friends constantly play a game together that I can't touch?

Basically, my friends (20s) and I (25nb) have known each other since high school. We used to hang out constantly but with adult life existing we just have less time to kill on silly things. Because of this, we now mostly have voice call hangouts on discord since its not as demanding of time.

Most of the time we would just chill and work on our own things, but a few months back a few of my friends started getting into Genshin Impact and would play it together while on the call. Eventually the rest of my friend group followed and started joining in, which I had no problem with, because it was a "sometimes" thing.

Recently though its been an "always" thing. Whenever we have a call everyone plays Genshin, and naturally a majority of the conversation is about what they're doing in Genshin, to the point where its kinda feeling like I'm interrupting if I talk about anything else.

I don't really have anything against the game, I just can't touch it because I have had previous issues with gambling type stuff and I recognize it's not something I can play. I'm glad I realized this early on when I was young and had limited disposable income + couldn't legally get a credit card, but the amount I spent on mobile games like this is nothing to sneeze at still. Now that I'm an adult with a decent income I try my best to be diligent.

I have been very open with my friends about this fact and they know my issues. I've tried asking them if we can play something different sometimes, because I feel kindof excluded. At best I've gotten back a "yeah sure" with no real follow-up or change, at worst I've gotten a "It's actually really kind to their F2P players and you don't need to spend money on it to progress etc etc etc" which. I've tried explaining that's not how this works and f2p won't stay f2p for me but sometimes it feels like they're just not listening.

Every time I bring up an alternative to try I get back a "Sorry I don't have the money rn" (bc anything without gambling mechanics costs money upfront) which I understand! But if I offer to buy a game for everyone when it's on sale or something they refuse because they feel weird accepting gifts.

I kinda got to the end of my rope with it because I don't think they were getting how isolating it was to be the only one not playing when we were hanging out. I kinda blew up after they gave me the same "nono don't buy me anything" on a game that was literally $3, and asked if actually gave a shit about including me in things anymore, which obviously they got super defensive about.

I feel bad about it because it was unfair even though we've barely talked about anything other than Genshin lately, and I tried to apologize but they basically froze me out. I snapped a little again after one of them told me I was being too sensitive about it and making my problem everyone's issue when they were just having a good time, and I haven't tried to talk to them for a few days now.

Obviously I don't want to lose my friend group over a stupid anime game, and I'm probably going to try to fix it. But I just want to know if I'm actually being too sensitive about this (I am pretty upset at being excluded bc of my issues, intentionally or not, and idk if that's affecting my judgement), or if theyre being too flippant about the problem.

AITA here??

What are these acronyms?

[ghostlyshellofapuppet]

141 x crafty gn reader

Ok it's only August but I've started thinking about what I'm going to make my family for Christmas to start early, and this fic mentions nothing about Christmas. Also I'm newer to writing so if you notice something weird or not good please leave something in the comments to help me get better

Price

• Doesn't know anything about crafts except how to make those ships in bottles, wood working and glueing things together. Can't even imagine being able to make the things you do, seeing the process and the finished results, Price wouldn't be able to finish it or think of that in the first place.

• Is very proud of you once he sees you finish something, still doesn't know how you do it, but very proud. Any paintings, knitted items, clay objects, wood burning pieces, anything you make he is complimenting. You put so much time, energy and thought into that and you made it, good job.

• If you need help with anything Price will try, he's not the most crafty person but he has very steady hands. But if you happen to need help with something wood, he's got you, it's in good hands. Price has been woodworking since high school and it's never left him since he used to make small things on missions when he had nothing else to do

• I feel like if he had to pick another craft to pick, he'd be decently good or pottery, give him a little bit to find what pressure to use when shaping but will eventually make a mug for you

Ghost

• As much as I want to say he's into crafts, I can't see it that well. Yes he can sew but anything other than that and it's kind of a mess, but he likes watching you work and your processes. Watching you being so focused on something you didn't even hear him walking into the room with a drink and food for you since you've been at this for hours, and he loves that you can just relax like this, ( if you have been on the edge of giving up on it), but please take a break, you haven't blinked in two minutes.

• Ghost will take you to craft stores and just wander around with you, he likes messing with those posable hand models. He will also happily buy you whatever you want/need, more wire, a cake decorating set or also long as you don't burn yourself a wood burning kit

•If you tend to have most of your best ideas at night he tries to stay up with you so you don't stay up too late, but he can be distracted if you try to make him help. If not he's checking the clock every five minutes trying to decide when would be a good time to stop you

Gaz

•Likes pottery but doesn't do it often, he doesn't have a place too. His mother has a pottery studio he can use if he's but most times he's on base or out on missions. He can do some designs on the pottery and has an eye for details but isn't great with a paint brush.

• Also likes seeing you make stuff, Gaz used to watch his mom make new mugs and plates for the kitchen and would sit with his grandma listening to her stories. He finds it relaxing.

• Would help you with anything, Gaz can do a good amount of small craft just from stuff he's picked up over the years. He can sew, build and design very well and would love doing projects with you. You want to build a new coffee table, he's already getting ready to go to the hardware store.

• Gets excited towards the end of projects, seeing everything come together after working on it is very satisfying for him, especially if it's something you or can use. Build a table, he can't wait to set his drink on it.

Soap

• Is very happy when he sees your crafts and will want to show you his drawing if your interested. You also paint/draw, he wants you and him to draw each other and trade them at the end.

• Probably ok at other crafts but still tries. Don't let him around hot glue or resin, he doesn't mean to make a mess but he does, resin is on the floor and he likes playing in the cooled down but still moldable hot glue.

• He's likes watching you make stuff if he's tired but would like to help if you're okay with it when he's more awake. If you want to do crafts without his help he's also good with just drawing in his book, probably drawing you.

• Will cheer with you when you finish a project, if you've been working on it for a really long time it calls for take out, a movie and possibly more art supplies.

If you made it down here thank you for reading and I hope you liked it

[hydropotato]

So I've been playing Warframe for about 100 days.

I think that should be a pretty decent amount of time for me to get a feel for this game, and well? Yes, but actually no. This game is, for lack of clearer initial description, Amazing.

I first heard of Warframe ages ago from friends playing it. Didn't think much about it. Then I heard We All Lift Together, and added it to my Spotify playlist because it rocks. Didn't think much about the game at that point either. And then one day, I saw a group of my friends playing it and streaming on Discord. "Decree"? "Secrets lie deep within the undercroft; the paradox gives us a means to extract them"? Girl with a skirt on a floating skateboard, firing bubbles at enemies and it kills them?

I was sold. I thought this is bonkers, I gotta check that out. But there was more.

I can't begin to really describe my experience starting off. You get to pick from three frames (sorry, not Loki, the future is now old man), and then you get to pick some starter gear. Every option you forgo in favour of the other becomes available later on, but I didn't know that. I was just stealthily nailing baddies to walls with my Paris and clumping hoards together with Mag's Magnetise, trying to learn how to bullet jump. Days became weeks, and I was unlocking new planets like it was no big deal. Well, it was. I had to learn how to make my gear and abilities work together (like using Pull to group enemies at my feet and then whacking them with my Bo), how to avoid Sentients' spinning beam attacks, how to mod my gear so that I wouldn't die immediately. Now and then I'd stumble upon other random players in public lobbies; you'd get the Titanias, the Wukongs, the Mirages, all speeding to the finish line before I knew what was happening. At some point I thought to myself, I should really go for another Warframe just to explore my options. Citrine stood out to me (her rock fires rainbow beams, and she's a solid support that has good damage potential), and she wasn't too difficult to gain access to.

Then came the farming. Getting Citrine's components required you to do waves of a Mirror Defence mission up to multiples of 4. I still remember clearly the dismay upon reaching round 3 for the first time, only for my teammates to all extract. I tried to protect the crystals on my own, only for the second one to get destroyed at the very last second of wave 4. I was distraught. It took me much begging in different friend groups for friends to accompany me to the later rounds, to finally get all her parts. It was then that I discovered how powerful a frame like Frost or Gara could be, but Frost, despite being easier to get, just didn't stand out to me aesthetically. So my next goals were Gara and Garuda. But for now Citrine. And Citrine continues to be my main.

I don't really want to explain every single thing that happened, but I got Garuda, got Yareli, though omg she's so fun lemme get her signature weapon, spent days skating across Orb Vallis for that bubble gun,

At some point I got a Kuva Lich, accidentally made it rank 5, killed it on my own somehow, then got a Sister of Parvos (Sleeping in the Cold Below is such an awesome song by the way), finished The New War, cleared the Star Chart, and unlocked the Steel Path.

I haven't even mentioned The Duviri Paradox, which is what I was referencing at the start of this post. That gamemode is so fun, even if all the premade builds for gear and frames are frankly dogwater that only works if

a. You're running normal mode, or

b. You're playing Rhino so it doesn't matter how he's modded, you just don't die and buff everyone

So yeah. This game rocks. It's massive, it's free to play (you can get the paid-for currency by selling stuff to other players if you want to spend platinum), and it's really worth getting into. No daily obligations, the game just waits for you. That, and there's plenty of time gates, so I felt motivated to take breaks, naps, and just relax. Even the dailies on the Nightwave (a battlepass but 100% free) have this system where once you complete the existing ones, any quests you missed from previous days/weeks reappear for you to complete (marked with the word 'Recovered). I could max out the Nightwave despite having started Warframe halfway into it.

Now, I do have some issues with it, though. Host Migration is probably the most annoying of issues, and I genuinely think that the game should just leave you at the previous host's instance, regardless of ping. Sure, if you were lagging you still will be lagging when they leave, but it'll be uninterrupted, you won't lose all your active abilities, I dunno. I just think it would work more smoothly.

Also.

Can they please rework Wukong? He appears in every mission. It's tiring. Give him a higher skill floor or something. Maybe make him targetable in cloudwalker, I dunno. This game is too much of a sandbox for players to be funnelling into one meta. We gotta encourage people to be more creative.

Also, make Arbitration drones enter the rift when they float into Cataclysm. They're the only thing that annoys me as Limbo in Arbies. Please and thank you.

[maridiayachtclub]

finally had a good, fun invasion experience in dark souls 2. and then a bonus, kinda okay one!

i kinda fell off the game a few weeks ago (around when Satisfactory 1.0 hit, strangely enough) and haven't been playing it much. Satisfactory is starting to make me want to pull my hair out, though, so i thought, all the hard shit at the end of DS2 will be a welcome, relaxing reprieve! ho ho ho!

so i'm creeping through the Crown of the Sunken King DLC. Shulva, Sanctum City. it's the bit with all the towers you have to raise and lower. I'm Human, so I've been expecting an invasion sooner or later, and i prepare in advance by bringing my #1 surefure PVP secret weapon: Chameleon. The spell that disguises you as a prop of some kind. (My other spells include Great Heavy Soul Arrow, Soul Spear, and Crystal Homing Soulmass (remember that last one! It's a surprise tool that will help us later))

so anyway, i get the alert that an invasion is happening. (it's from a mod that provides anti-hacker protection, and it's set up so that when someone connects suddenly, i get an alert. in this case, a .wav of a cow mooing.) and i think... fuck it, let's have fun. i'm feeling emboldened and i still have a decent amount of resources. so i pop chameleon and wait! form of... big crumbly clay jar. hmm, okay.

it seems painfully obvious to me that this jar does not blend in, so i just park myself right in the middle of an open area. like. just squarely in the road. and i wait for the invader (his name is "Stinky Pete") to just happen by. soon, he does! running up the stairs into view, just over yonder! and now he's running this way! is he going to emote at me? wave? just start attacking? hee hee hee, I'm so excited to find out~!

and he runs right past me. doesn't slow down for a moment. literally clips his leg through my magic jug disguise and keeps going until he disappears into a nearby tower. oh my god. that worked? i don't think he knows this area very well.

do i pursue? do i follow? eh, playing hide and seek doesn't seem like as much fun as playing this straight. so I look around until i see him observing from above, on a perch above my position. makes sense, he went to highground to scout the road below. the one i'm in. so i spin the jug around and around and just run in circles. "look at me! down here! what fun we've had, but you overlooked your quarry here~!" and shit. He waves. I break disguise and wait for him as he runs down.

so he's back and he approaches, and I do the "welcome!" gesture as he draws close. he "welcome!"s back.

okay! duel time. i'm gonna try to kill this dude but i don't think it'll happen!

we play footsies for a bit, during which he grazes me with a twinblade that deals some kind of poison damage... and that's it. barely a bit of my health bar is damaged and, since i'm in Poison Suck Toxic Town, i'm wearing a poison soaking ring anyway, so even his weapon poison doesn't really bother me much. so, okay. that's not too threatening. maybe he has some other trick up his sleeve?

more footsies ensue. i try to blast him with a Soul Spear and he dodges it without issue. okay, let's mix it up, make some space, and get Homing Crystal Soulmass ready, see how that works. alright, those are up, all five shots ready to go, powered up by my 50-int boss-murdering magic build, aaaaand... let's try fencing for a bit, and... oh boy! there go the Soulmasses!

they hit, and knocked that dude down to like 35% of his health. Just absolutely blew his shit wide open. i was pogging.

and then blood was in the water and i got hungry. he dodged a second burst but i kept up the aggression and didn't give him a chance to turn that shit around for a moment. the third HCS blew him up real good. dude went spiralling off into the distance like Team Rocket. i bowed politely, my clothes immaculate.

i have never survived an invasion in these games, i haven't seen a whole lot of them, admittedly, so this was a good feeling. even if the guy seemed incredibly outgunned! i mean, his weapon wasn't doing much for me, he didn't really outmaneuver me (and thereby get any backstabbing opportunities), he took a lot of damage from my spell-and it's very possible he just got unlucky and invaded well above his level. so i'm not under the impression that i outplayed some absolute predator and, therefore, i am now an even bigger, meaner predator. this felt more like a couple of squirrels having a slapfight in a tree or something.

but not only did i get to win, i got to fool someone with the best spell in the game AND have a nice friendly duel afterwards. what a dude! Stinky Pete's the best, I tell you. the man's an absolute ledge.

i went back to my adventuring through the area. two minutes later i botched a fairly easy jump and fell to my death.

the end, that's the story. the following is bonus content:

so now i'm Hollow and probably won't be invaded. probably. i should have protection from that for a little while anyway. i guess it expired, though, since some 20 minutes of bumbling around later (have i mentioned how i really don't like the moving towers in Sanctuary City Shulva?), i get another alert. Moo! here comes an invader! i'm literally in the same area that i was when Stinky Pete invaded, so i think, let's just try it all again.

this time, Chameleon makes me look like an open treasure chest. okay, that doesn't look like it fits AT ALL. so let's just get silly with it. i'll creep up on the invader like this.

and here he comes now! his name is "Ray" and he has a Greatsword of some kind. oh ho ho, here I come, Ray~! the big scary treasure chest is gonna getcha! whatcha gonna do-

well, he attacks, is what he does. so i scoot away for a bit and give him a second chance to either play along or at least stop and wave. he doesn't, he just attacks again.

alright, fuck this. drop the disguise and try to kill him. i beat him around for a bit and heal whenever i want (no bow? no fair duel rules). he eventually runs off and heals up himself, then comes back, and i kill him.

and that was also very satisfying, but not in the way the first one was. it was a sloppy fight that i didn't play very well. the win didn't feel especially earned. but this was like fending off a mangy coyote instead of playfully tussling with a squirrel so i'm at least a little proud.

[the-path-inside]

16 Questions // Tagged by @inlovewetrust555

Are you named after anyone? My parents told me I was named after Matthew from the bible even though they're atheists. I think that was just to satisfy my teachers though since I went to a really religious first school and it was my school asking the question 😂

When was the last time you cried? A couple of weeks ago. Last time I felt like I wanted to was a few days ago though, but lately I find it hard to cry? It's like I just can't start.

Do you have kids? Nope. I can barely manage my own life nevermind looking after and guiding a little person.

What sports do you play/ Have you played? I used to play tennis (badly) as a kid. The only things I've played recently aren't even physical sports but chess (badly) and poker (decently).

Do you use sarcasm? Sometimes.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Their voices. I have a horrible time making eye contact unless I'm really attracted to someone, so I tend to notice the sound of their voice before their physical appearance.

What's your eye color? Hazel but unless you take a close up photo they may as well be green there's so little brown in them.

Scary movies or happy endings? That's tough. Depends on my mood I guess I'm a sucker for both. I would say I've overall watched more scary movies though.

Any talents? I'd say I'm pretty naturally good at poker, which is weird because I suck at math. That's about it though other than maybe looking on the bright side/seeing the positive in negative situations?

Where were you born? England.

What are your hobbies? I meditate, work out, read, play video games, write, listen to music and collect a stupid amount of headphones.

Do you have any pets? Two dogs and a cat. Mutuals can ask to see them :)

How tall? 5'7 I be short.

Favorite subject in school? Chemistry or english lit.

Dream job? I'd love to either be a therapist or design new medications for mental health issues that are more effective than the ones we have now. Neither of those is very likely though at this point of my current trajectory.

What animals do you identify as your familiar? Either cats or birds. I love both.

I haven't been on here in a while so I'm not sure who's still active on here so I'll just tag a handful of people, feel free to ignore this if you don't feel like responding, and feel free to hop in and join in on this even if I didn't tag you. Tagging @illuminfae-ix @s0urce--flow @destined-daydreamer @balancedhuman @vajrakali @planetaerium

[ominoose]

Honoured to have been tagged by @my-secret-shame, legendary paw patrol stan.

How many works do you have on AO3? Three. All abandonded, two are Naruto and ones DC. Darker times...

2. What's your total AO3 words count? 7,541. I haven't posted there in years.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Oscar Isaac almost exclusively. In my head I also write for... is cryptids a fandom? I write the best horror novels in my head, putting HP Lovecraft to shame. One day someone will give me an Oscar character with a horror prompt and it will be the best day ever.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Since I don't even have five fics on AO3, I'll do tumblr instead. Also just gonna stick to Oscar stuff, the only other posts are slasher ones.

Pumpkin Porno In My VeinsTo Be Involved Blue Jones The Makeup Artist Oscar Characters Dating a Witchy Reader

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I response to almost all of them! There's some where I don't know what to say so... I kinda don't. But I do try my hardest, I appreciate when people take time to say a kind word to me and like to return that.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Uh... I don't know that I've ever written one. I do absolutely love angst and I feel I could write it decently well, but to end with angst? I simply cannot. Maybe Caladan Attacks, since its basically on the line of non-con with no hope of escape?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The Moon Knight system playing minecraft with you post is just silly, self indulgent fluff that was so funny to write. So thats a very happy one.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have never, which I'm happy to keep like that.

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind? I've written about maybe six smut ever, it's all here and it's... the Oscar Isaac character kind. Or it's always got plot even when I don't mean for it too. I'll get 1k wc in and go "Why the fuck have I not even gotten to the smut yet?".

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I wrote the Steven Grant Travelling the Oscar Verse thingy, where Steven accidentally teleports to Poe Dameron, Leto Atreides and Basil Stitt. Was crazy because I didn't make Steven and Leto bang.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No. Unless they stole it really well and I don't know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Once with an MHA x reader thing back in the day. It also got put on youtube! Highest achievement.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? Nope, no clue how it works and too nervous to accept an offer.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Oh no idea, it always depends on what I'm into. Currently in the Oscar fandom I have a bunch of random ships in my head I imagine for god knows what reason.

Steven/Jake Steven/Cecil William/Jake Blue/Jake Me/Jake

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? There's a MK system x reader breeding request I've stared at so many times yet cannot muster the strength to finish. Idk why. I just cannot. Won't delete it though.

16. What are your writing strengths? When I'm in the zone I can crack out four fics in a day. I feel I can put a decent amount of character depth.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I burn out so, so easily when writing. Maybe I need more practice, but it burns out my want to write and my love for the thing I'm into.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I only know English and Scots, but there's nothing to write Scots for and people are rude about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Naruto, back in the dark ages.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? A Fake Taxi because the concept is so fun, I was encouraged by a friend and it's my first ever smut so that's a milestone!

Thanks again for the tag <3 My no pressure tags are: @winniethewife @minispidey @lunaesidus

[danketsuround]

An overdue blog about my fic-writing process with The Immortal Son (and a little about Two Birds)

CW for brief mentions of suicide, bullying, sexual assault, childhood trauma, and emotional incest

Okay so here's some behind the scenes things about my writing process with The Immortal Son. If you read the first fic that I wrote for this AU series, Two Birds, you should know that I sat doing research for that fic for months, then I basically just blacked out and wrote it. I might eventually rewrite some of it, to be honest, so that it connects better with its prequel. But I haven't gotten there yet, and I'm too scared to get there right now.

My original thinking with Two Birds was that I wanted it to be Mitsuru-focused. I actually wanted to do it from his perspective originally, but then I realized he'd hardly know anything about his own situation, so I changed the narrator to Kuwana. This was more of a technical change than emotional. Kuwana is, and always will be for me, an unreliable narrator. But when writing from his perspective, I really wanted to show the reader how much Kuwana struggles with understanding Mitsuru - how he's in his own head too much, and how he doesn't realize exactly how unfit he is to take care of Mitsuru, and how none of that can matter, because no one else will do it. Despite his second chance - or perhaps because of it! - Kuwana is selfish and resented.

I did manage to unearth some of my notes while writing Two Birds. While a lot has changed, the general basis for Kuwana and Mitsuru has always been what I originally wrote as a note to myself, here:

I focused a lot on Mitsuru's physicality. It ended up being that most of my time for this fic was spent doing research about long comas. While that was all fine and good, a lot of what I researched ended up not even being used or mentioned. Both Two Birds and The Immortal Son are focused on emotion - more than realism or accuracy. In fact, a decent amount of the "lore" in either fic is completely made up, and whatever I make up is written somewhere to reference later. Then, I just write it whenever it feels relevant to the narrative, and hope I'm not writing myself into an incomprehensible hole - because, while a lot of it is based on inference, some of it isn't. I wanted to write as if what I had made up was obvious, so I had to try and get out of my own head while reading it over. That was hard.

Anyways, here's some Google Maps screenshots I had taken for Two Birds to reference in my fic. This was back when I wanted them to live in Matsuyama, Ehime - not Masaki - but the "visual" "idea" is the same. When I was drafting Two Birds, Reiko was in a fake prison on an island. I had this vision of them taking a boat to go and see her, but I scrapped it - mostly because I felt like Reiko would not go to a maximum security prison like that. I mean come on, she's not Saejima. She only killed one person, geez!

I liked the mix of rice fields and the view of the sea. I've never been to Masaki. I've never even been to the Kyushu area. If I had to do it all over again, I'd put them in Fukushima. The descriptive visuals about Masaki in Two Birds are actually inspired by where I live.

Of course, Two Birds ended up not really being Mitsuru-focused at all, and that's when I decided to write The Immortal Son. Even though Kuwana is still the narrator, he is sort of a backseat driver to a near-fatal car crash he caused by grabbing the driver's wheel... uh, so to speak. He just watches everything happen. It's not until Two Birds that he feels fit to play his role.

"Two Birds" was the working title for what ended up actually being Two Birds because I didn't have any other ideas. I had written the scene where Kuwana remembers when he first moved to Masaki, and so I just pulled "two birds" from that actual paragraph. I did this before once with a porno I mean sickfic I wrote - calling it "Toothpaste" when toothpaste was never actually involved at all. A while ago I had this habit of throwing darts at one-shots I wrote and titling it whatever word I landed on. For the same reason, when I had drafted the first interaction between Kuwana and Jiro; I titled it "Orange Chicken".

I can't help but love a surprise title drop.

But the title for The Immortal Son just flew into my head, and suddenly it felt really corny to title drop. I debated on calling it "The Immortal Sun" because it takes place in the summer and Kuwana can feeeeeel the heat on his back (metaphorically) but since it ended up being entirely about Mitsuru, the immortal son, I changed it.

The Immortal Son is written to play out pretty soon after the events of Lost Judgement. While Kusumoto Reiko is in her holding cell, she tells Kuwana to keep an eye on Mitsuru. From there, Kuwana meets Mitsuru's father (Jiro, also Reiko's ex-husband) and uncovers a few secrets about her past. For reasons (then) unknown to Kuwana, Reiko confesses to killing Kawai on her own - leading him to take care of Mitsuru and attempt to eliminate her hospital debt.

I gave Kuwana a fading flashback when he went to visit Reiko in prison for the first time. It later informs Kuwana's decision to point fingers at Reiko when her lawyer discovers a flaw in her confession. This isn't necessarily right or wrong of him, but Kuwana's own memory of her in prison forces him to believe she wants to be punished - that they are alike in the desire to atone.

I thought a lot about Reiko in The Immortal Son. My first impression of her when playing Lost Judgement was actually a bit sad. That introduction scene where she is sitting in Mitsuru's dark, wide, and empty hospital room by herself - and knowing she had done the same thing every day for the past thirteen years - seemed really lonely, so I drew bits and pieces of her and Mitsuru's relationship from that.

There were two themes - "preservation" and "violence".

A long time ago, I made a connection between Kawai's frozen body and Mitsuru's "frozen" body - I still can't explain it well enough to make sense.

In Lost Judgement, Kuwana says they killed Kawai on the anniversary of Mitsuru's suicide attempt. Later, he describes Mitsuru as a vegetable that is "as good as dead." So, my best way to explain it is that time stopped for both of them. Kawai is literally frozen from the moment his heart stopped beating, and Mitsuru doesn't change at all in thirteen years. That's where "preservation" came to mind, and how it intertwined with the violence of the original story.

Because Mitsuru is preserved, his pain is preserved as well. The characters see this through the long-term effects of his trauma and suicide attempt on his body, and how Mitsuru eventually grows into himself. But his mind and body are childish, because that's where he stopped at. A dead child never grows into adulthood.

There is an instance when Kuwana and Jiro come into his hospital room, and I mention Mitsuru being "gelded" by both his mother and the natural process of time.

Can I sound crazy for a second? The reason why wrote that line was because I was kinda thinking of Mitsuru as a castrato, like, a choir boy who is castrated in order to preserve his voice, and grows sort of strangely or unnaturally as a result? That's what Mitsuru looks like to me. A small version of that - a thirty year old who still looks seventeen but not quite. Like a less jarring version of Ben Platt in Dear Evan Hanson, lol.

Anyways, I thought Mitsuru's preservation would be an act of violence, too, because Reiko (both in order to protect Mitsuru and her own feelings) wants to turn back time and keep Mitsuru as a helpless child. In Two Birds, she tells Kuwana that she used to pretend Mitsuru had turned invisible as a child, and that she wished he'd cry in her lap again. In The Immortal Son, even Jiro eventually relents to this as well, telling Kuwana that he wished Mitsuru could be the way he used to.

The violence of preservation, in this case, is Reiko's severe attachment to Mitsuru. In his childhood, it made him understand her in ways he should not have - as stated by Jiro. I thought that there had to be other factors in Mitsuru's suicide, and this is what I came up with. That Reiko was too pressing - Mitsuru, too darling - and that he was his father's emotional replacement.

Yeah, so what if I made up the thing about Reiko's enmeshment with Mitsuru? It was always lingering in the back of my mind anyways. Enmeshment is better known as "emotional incest" - I hate that word, even though that's about as accurate as wording gets. The sad and lonely image of a woman overly dedicated to her son; how could I not?

Mitsuru is not only surrouuuuuunded by violence, but he's also - tragically - a tool for it, right? Kawai is killed out of revenge, and seven other people die because of Kuwana's quest for vigilantism in his name - mentioning Mitsuru ahead of everyone else he sought vengeance for. Mitsuru is hardly able to protect himself; he can only watch what happens to him. I wanted to make a connection between this and what Jiro said Reiko did to him - that Mitsuru is singled out and violated by devotion.

When Kuwana takes him on a stroll away from his father, Mitsuru kills a cicada.

I used the word "beheaded" here - not crushed or squashed - to evoke a "feeling of execution". It's Kuwana who runs Mitsuru over that cicada, and it's Kuwana who used Mitsuru to justify violence. So, I wanted to point out that Mitsuru is welded passively in Kuwana's instigation of violence.

Mitsuru, too, has to witness the way everyone talks about his mother, and what she had done for his sake. In that, he searches for her kindness - not wanting to remember how sore her arms felt in her constricting motherhood.

But he is denied by reality. And that reality comes in the form of his father - albeit, definitely not the most objective person in all of this.

Jiro is a character I made for the sake of The Immortal Son, but he's mentioned very briefly as "Mr. Kusumoto" in Two Birds.

There are three original characters I wrote for The Immortal Son: Jiro Kusumoto (Reiko's ex-husband), Kondo Daichi (Reiko's celebrity lawyer) and Naganuma Mimori (Mitsuru's young nurse). I hadn't really mapped out their personalities, they sort of just came and went as I wrote. But I think it's safe to say Jiro was definitely Mitsuru's co-star in this.

Kondo Daichi (or Daiichi, 第一, a pun meaning "number one") was originally meant to be a timid lawyer appointed by the court, but then he sort of turned into an audience self-insert. I thought a lot about the logistics of Kuwana taking care of Mitsuru, and Reiko taking the sole blame for Kawai's murder, and I wondered what that meant Kuwana's response would be. The result was Kondo - a character meant to fully confront Kuwana with the reality of his situation, and his decision to take care of Mitsuru. I wanted to show that, when given the opportunity to confess and face the consequences, Kuwana would cowardly turn away.

Naganuma Mimori is a bit like Mitsuru. Because of that, Jiro also views her as something to compete with Kuwana. Kuwana is kind to her but he sees her as a child. More importantly, though, I used Naganuma as a mark for gender. Kuwana tells Jiro he doesn't have children, and Jiro asks if he'd prefer a girl. Later, when childish Naganuma cries on Kuwana's shoulder, Jiro jokes that he probably couldn't handle a little girl.

Compared with Naganuma, I thought that Kuwana might feel emasculated by his inadequacy to take care of Mitsuru properly. Even so, for my own reasons, I wanted Kuwana to seem girlish in The Immortal Son. I just feel like he's a bit feminine anyways. I wanted him to be treated and scolded the way an inadequate or indecent woman would be. All of that scolding comes from Jiro, who respects him otherwise.

I thought the easy way out would be to make Jiro abusive and mean-spirited and probably an alcoholic. Honestly, the first time I wrote him (which was even before I started thinking about The Immortal Son!) he was sort of... that. But then I realized that's a little boring. Sure, I wanted Jiro to be a little mean, but I mostly just wanted him to be frustrated and honest. I wanted him to be someone who thinks he's only ever done his best. In that way, I wanted him to be someone like Kuwana.

Jiro cannot see himself in Mitsuru, and he blames it on Reiko's influence and enmeshment towards him. At this point - while feeling vindicated - he is mostly just sad. Sad because he was never there for Mitsuru, and sad that he still can't be. He can't stand being around his own son, and that's why he's able to relinquish him to Kuwana's care. Ironically, Kuwana can see much of Jiro in Mitsuru, only because Jiro refuses to see weakness in himself.

I never wanted Two Birds to end on a sad note, though I guess The Immortal Son ended up seeming that way. Or, at least there is some recognition that Mitsuru will never be able to return to himself. Kuwana, of course, can see this because he's the same way. It's not such a bad thing, I think, which is why I sort of hesitate to call it sad - because in my head I know that The Immortal Son is more like "the foundation of trauma" and Two Birds is like "a layer of hope".

That's what my goal was, at least.

Basically, all of this meaty symbolism came from the type of story I wanted to write, which is ultimately about love and normal people in the real world with a hard past. I wanted to expand on Mitsuru and Reiko a lot simply because I liked them. So that's what I did.

Both Two Birds and The Immortal Son came from a long road of dissatisfaction with the original story. I mostly wanted more from the Kusumotos. I thought Kuwana's dedication to them was interesting, too, and I wondered what Kuwana would do with himself after his purpose in life was bested. "What if Kuwana suddenly became very lucky?" - I asked myself, and this came.

I don't think any of these characters should suffer, and I don't think it's necessary for Kuwana to suffer in order to understand the pain he's caused. In fact, it's through love that Kuwana can feel the value of his own miserable life. Mitsuru's situation is sad, Kuwana and Reiko's life is sad - but the story really isn't. Mitsuru is immortalized by pain, and violence, and suffering - but he can live happily through it. Even if he can't be free of it, he lives a kind and honest life. Surely, there are themes of terror and trauma interwoven in both Two Birds and The Immortal Son. I talked about "preservation" and "violence" earlier, but I also felt like it was necessary to touch on normal things, like family, disability and gender. There's no real "point" I wanted to hit with these fics, I just wanted to tell that kind of story.

I'll add in a later reblog some ideas I was floating around while writing both of these. There are tons of scrapped ideas and artifacts from the time between Two Birds and The Immortal Son, including one fic about Reiko's family, and another about Kawai's funeral. I'm going to go find those things now and report back. Later, eventually.

Thanks for reading!

[burgeoning-ambition]

Language Study Methods I've Been Using

(When I don't want to look at my textbooks)

I haven't wanted to work out of my textbooks the past couple of weeks (and I've wanted to do more natural practice that isn't generic textbook-speak), so here are the main 3 methods I've been using to give myself better practice than just using a workbook or a textbook!

If anybody decides to try any of this because of this post, let me know how you like them! I'm working in Japanese for all of these, so occasionally parts of my description are specific to working in Japanese, but of course you could do these in any language.

Audio Transcription: This one has by far been my favorite activity recently! Since I like video games, I choose a game I like to do this, but anything with speaking lines in it (anime, dramas, movies, plays, etc.) works well! I just pull up a voice line that I can repeat a few times (I've been using Project Sekai dialogue- specifically tapping on them on the character rank screens so I can't see the translated dialogue pop up), and play the audio a few times as I write down what I hear in hiragana and katakana (no kanji). After I've gotten the entire line transcribed based on what I hear, I go back through it with the English translation the game gives for the line pulled up and write the kanji for words and correct words that I can tell are wrong. I do my best to get it as completed and correct as possible just using my own knowledge and the English translation before doing a final check by pulling up the original written Japanese dialogue to see how I did. It's been incredibly fun and a huge confidence booster for me, as it's shown me my listening comprehension is better than I thought!

Journaling: I mentioned in a small update post that I wrote myself a python code that generated Japanese writing prompts with grammar points and vocab to use based on Genki 1 and 2, and I've been using it regularly to give me prompts! It generates three grammar points, and I try to incorporate all three grammar points into my journal entry somewhere as I talk about my day and what's on my mind. Sometimes I'll run the generator a couple of times to get a better suggestion that works better with things I know I want to write about, and it's been really effective in getting me to use a variety of grammar points instead of just using the ones I remember the best! I feel more confident producing things that use more complicated grammar structures the more I use them, so having this generate grammars that I skip or forget that I've learned helps me get more confident in more things! It's nice getting to write a little bit every day, too.

Looking at TL Websites: This is my lower-pressure version of reading books, haha. I find a Japan-only game or audio drama or something (or, if I can access it, view the Japanese website for a game I've played or can play) and just... Read it! I usually do this while in a call with my partner to give myself some pressure to prove my comprehension by translating it or roughly explaining what it says to my partner as I go. This one is nice because it leads to finding cool stuff! I've found some cool series/games/etc. that were only released in Japan that I can use to practice comprehension and practice translating so I can get my partner involved in it too. Searching for kanji can be difficult with this one sometimes, since a decent amount of the time the kanji I need to search is an image and not text that I can copy, so if it's difficult to recognize the radicals or how I'd write it... Difficult. But overall it's still fun! It's the slowest method of the three I've been using, so I have to be in the mood for searching for kanji, haha.

If you're sick of a textbook, I'd definitely recommend trying one of these out! There are also a lot of other methods thrown around across langblr and studyblr, so there's plenty of exploration you can do if you're sick of just practicing with stiff textbook exercises. Happy learning!

[kwaggysshardmindemporium]

I've been using Pokemon Sleep for about five weeks now. Here's some thoughts below the cut. It's a long one.

First, my opinions about the nuts and bolts of how it works. This is... mostly complaints.

- The monetization in this game is absolutely disgusting. Like just heinous. If you're the kind of person that needs to avoid stuff with microtransactions, do not install this game. I haven't given them a dime, but I've also at this point built up a strong resistance to monetization tricks. DO NOT let your kids play this game if they have a credit/debit card hooked up to their accounts.

- On the flip side, credit where due, when they say on the load screen that you can play 100% of the game without paying, this is true. You'll progress faster and with less effort if you pony up some cash, but the game gives you a decent stream of the premium currency, Diamonds, that will get you access to whatever niceties you'd like. If I wanted something that requires the premium currency to get, I haven't found myself walled behind a massive wait for the drip feed to catch up.

- The game wants roughly thirty minutes to an hour of your time a day not counting the sleep tracking. Three ten to twenty minute chunks. One in the morning to review last night's sleep data and feed Snorlax breakfast, one in the afternoon for lunch, and then one or two in the evening for dinner and switching on the sleep tracking.

- When the app tells you to put your phone on the bed for the sleep tracking, this is actually NECESSARY for how it functions. I had assumed it just uses audio to gauge if you snore or whatever (which it does), but it also uses your phone's accelerometer to determine if you're tossing and turning and by extension how deep you're sleeping. If you put it on a bedside table or something, it'll give you a readout saying you slept like an absolute fucking ROCK. If you're like me and toss and turn a lot, you can actually use this to cheese the game a little since certain Pokemon only appear when you sleep deeper and those are for me quite hard to get without this cheese. I would go so far as to actively recommend this tactic.

- You may notice that's kind of a creepy amount of data to collect and it feels kind of like inviting a stalker into your bedroom. You are correct. The app assures you that the actual sleep data does NOT get transmitted at all. I do not have anything other than their word to confirm that. I don't know if what it collects is fairly standard for other apps like it, but my assumption is yes?

- Because of how it tracks your sleep info, if you sleep with a partner in the same bed it completely skullfucks its tracking.

- If you have an even slightly older phone, the app chugs whenever you try to click anything. There's like a one-second lag on every click in the menu followed by a short load screen. Those 10-20 minute sessions would be about half as long if I had a phone with more processing speed.

Now all the above might sound damning as hell. But here's the thing. I like this app a lot actually. It's DEEPLY flawed, but let's talk about the game's mechanics, which is mostly positives:

- Right at the top, this app has improved my sleep schedule, pardon the pun, practically overnight. My new PC has told me twice now that step one to fixing most of my mental health issues is healthier sleep, which he knows is hard but you gotta try. I've been hesitant to take the meds he prescribed for that, but I heard about this app and figured gamifying sleeping on time would be a great way to get me to actually do it. Worked like a charm. The game asks what you'd like your nightly bedtime to be, and gives you rewards for maintaining it. You get these rewards if you go to sleep either 90 minutes prior to that time, or 30 minutes after. My doctor recommended 30 in each direction for consistency, but they don't send you a reminder notification until that 30 minute mark prior so partial credit I guess? I've missed that bedtime like 3 times in these last five weeks, and yeah my everything is way better.

- Looking at the Pokemon wandering my camp makes my brain make the happy juice in a way most Pokemon stuff really doesn't anymore. Like, there's no battles or anything (although you apparently can transfer to and from Pokemon Go, don't know how well that works because I don't play), so you just get a pleasant kind of domesticity most Pokemon stuff doesn't do.

- Here's the actual gameplay loop. You're researching Pokemon sleep patterns. To do this, you're using some nonsense machine that amplifies local Snorlax's natural aura of sleepiness to attract Pokemon to come sleep by it. Snorlax's are apparently the capybaras of the Pokeworld which I actually love. The more you feed Snorlax, the more powerful this sleepy aura becomes. It resets each week because you go to a new campsite with a new Snorlax. During the day, your team of Pokemon (max of... 5 for some reason instead of the default six everywhere else in this franchise?) gather berries to feed your Snorlax throughout the day in idle-game-esque timers, as well as ingredients for more complicated meals. You take the ingredients, make Snorlax meals up to three times a day (6am-noon for breakfast, noon-6pm for lunch, 6pm-6am for dinner). Each pokemon also has an ability that in some way helps you out. Then you can at any time turn on the sleep tracking, then turn it off when you wake up. After a rest of 90+ minutes has been tracked, it gives you a total of how much power that rest generated, and takes you to a minigame where you photograph the sleeping Pokemon that came to rest in your camp. The more power, the more varied the sleeping positions and the rarer the Pokemon. You can then feed them biscuits to befriend them. You get the equivalent of a Great Ball(/Biscuit) every day which on its own fills about 3/5 of a non-evolved Pokemon's friendship bar (the basic biscuit that you'll use most of the time fills 1/5), so there's always at least some progress towards making a friend. Sometimes a Pokemon is extra hungry and the first thing you feed them is worth triple, and you can also get that same multiplier as an RNG thing without warning. Once you fill up a bar, you've befriended that Pokemon and can now add it to your teams or send it to the professor for candies like you do in Pokemon Go. You are also given candies for every Pokemon you attracted even if you don't befriend them, plus "Sleep Points" based on how long you slept for that can be exchanged for items like more biscuits (for reference, a single basic biscuit is roughly 1.5 times a good night's sleep... fucking YIKES) plus "Dream Shards" for how cool the photos you took are, which are used mostly for leveling up your Pokemon and upgrading your camp.

- I love this gameplay loop actually. It feels way more like these Pokemon are my friends as opposed to wild animals I've caught.

- Leveling up and evolving take large amounts of those candies and dream shards. The candies feel like the primary gate on progression.

Overall, this is a game I like a lot despite its flaws, and the positive impact it's had on my health even in this short span is hard to understate. I wish they'd back off with the creepy monetization so I could actively recommend instead of recommend with an asterisk. But yeah that's my thoughts on this weird ass product.

[wevelocityteampresents-blog]

SEPTEMBER 28TH

I found out there was a new online tournament for Pokémon Violet. It's supposed to utilize Pokémon that can be found in Kitakami. With all the practice I've been doing in casual and ranked battles, I should be able to do great once it finally arrives. (I've also been keeping track of the new Pokémon's stats in Pokémon HOME, so I know exactly what to expect.)

For now, I should continue fighting the legendary Pokémon. I arrived at the site where Munkidori was lurking around.

Of course, there had to be a catch to this thing...

He looks BIGGER than usual... After I beat him, I obtained one of Ogerpon's masks. (But that doesn't mean I can use them yet.)

Fezandipiti was next. I thought I would have to fight her on a cliff. But she flew into a nearby cave.

That's one way to catch a Pokémon, I guess...

After I beat Fezandipiti, I only had Okidogi to deal with. I was surprised that he was holding a Liechi Berry. (Or maybe they all have held items. But I finished them off too quickly to notice them.)

After I obtained the last mask, Kieran showed up and told us to go back to Moussi Town for something important.

I'm pretty sure a LOT of people would be lured by your natural charm...

SEPTEMBER 29TH

I finally managed to finish the last redesign. I'm a little disappointed in some aspects of his backview. But it's nothing more drawings can't fix. Now that I'm done redesigning these characters, I should probably move on to that new project of mine.

Today was also the day I remembered that Pac-Man 99 would shut down in a week and a half. Making it the second Akira-developed battle royale title to have its servers shut down. I can understand the reasoning for Super Mario 35's servers to be discontinued. But why would they do this to a game based around Pac-Man? It's not like Namco would want a game like this to have a short shelf life.

And that's another thing. All these battle royale games continue to get curb-stomped, while Tetris 99 is still being updated. What makes Tetris 99 stand out compared to these other games?

I can't even buy any of the offline modes since they stopped accepting purchases for paid DLC. (In preparation of the game's discontinuation, I presume.) So, I guess this game will become useless to me after the 8th passes. What a way to go...

Because I was so focused on work today, I barely had any time for Pokémon.

There was this new mass outbreak event for Clefairy. I already had a better shiny Clefairy. So I was only interested in a regular one that had a mark on it. Sure enough, I caught one! But it wasn't the Clefairy the event advertised...

He's probably the most depressed Clefairy in this field. He's definitely a welcome surprise.

SEPTEMBER 30TH

I haven't done anything with these characters in such a long time... It's a good thing I've gotten better at drawing them!

Compared to yesterday, I got a decent amount of playtime for Pokémon Violet.

Before I returned to Moussi Town, I tried wonder trading to try my hand at getting more cool Pokémon. After a few trades, I received a shiny Bruxish.

I've been getting a lot of legitimate shiny Pokémon through Wonder Trades in this game lately. That gives me hope that it's starting to become usable outside of Pokémon HOME and Pokémon Brilliant Diamond Version. (I'm still expecting a few stinkers...)

I wanted to go to the Pokémon Center for something. But I forgot that I was entering Moussi Town and activated a new cutscene.

I thought the townspeople were going to attack Ogerpon. Guess I was wrong.

After they apologized to Ogerpon, I was told to take her back to her cave. Sadly, I didn't have time for that because I was too busy playing with some other people.

[deconstructivesurgery]

What is a project yiu wanted to make that you deemed to big and dismissed?

More than I'd care to admit to, to be honest with you. At least 3 cosplays I've been meaning to prepare since the dawn of time, abandoned for time reasons, a second major writing project I didn't have the mental capacity for- and moooooooost recently, a project that I am actually still struggling TO dismiss.

My very own Batman comic, specifically. An actual illustrated version of the Batman-AU-turned-concept that I've been working on for nearing a year now. I have everything from character sheets to relationship charts to narrative outlines to ideas for how I'd separate the story into specific issues, but, like. I lack the artistic capacity to bring this project into existence, realistically. I Could Try, but I think I'd just disappoint myself by trying when I'm not currently very happy with my art skills. I might try in the future, if I ever learn how to draw a decent looking comic panel- but for now, "Batman: New Ground" lives firmly in my head and my filing cabinet, entirely dismissed.

Also my plans to adapt my original story, which I haven't spoken about much on here, into an RPGmaker game. Mostly because I uh, don't have RPGmaker and can't afford it. It's not quite an idea I've dismissed, though- more like I've just made it stand in the corner for a while as I do something more viable (write fanfiction, play an obnoxious amount of Borderlands 3, and daydream about working for DC despite not having any formal experience as a writer yet. Or my degree. Yet. We'll get there.)

[thatoldstandby]

15 Questions?

As tagged by @tsupertsundere! Thank?

Are you named after anyone? Yes and no? Pretty sure given name is original to me, family-wise. Middle name though, is named after a bit of family trauma, which I wasn't aware of until about 5 years ago. Never liked it much before, don't really care for it now.

Do you have kids? God no. I've never been in a place for that, and I Worry.

What sports do you play/have played? I've never found a sport that's ever appealed to me. I've tried some out, but exercise in general is anti-fun, even when I was doing it regularly. There's a bit of a family tradition of golf, but I haven't played that in over a decade at this point, so it hardly counts.

Do you use sarcasm? Oh I breathe sarcasm. It can be a problem at times.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Ope left this unedited and stole an answer. Honestly idk what I notice first, but one of the first things I want to find out about a person is their taste in media.

What is your eye color? Hazel? I think? Idk.

Scary movies or happy endings? Get outta here with that scary shit. Absolutely not in this house.

Any talents? I'm told I'm a pretty ok writer.

Where were you born? You won't get that answer from me, rando on the internet! (It's in MN though.)

What are your hobbies? Languishing, I'm bad at time management and work/life separation after law school. When I do do things for myself though, I enjoy playing games of any variety, reading, writing. I'm always like five minutes from getting into tabletop wargames. And also an embarrassing amount of gunpla.

Do you have any pets? no :(. But eventually.

How tall are you? 5'10"ish i think?

Favourite subject in school? I don't really dislike classes; even ones I'm not exactly built for (hello maths), I like the act of Learning. I probably did best in English courses; but those more played to my strengths as a student and let me be lazy.

Dream job? I want to be paid a decent wage to be the wise old hermit who hands out cryptic advice that doesn't make sense until, at the final moment, the protagonist has a revelaiton about the nature of the world or some shit. All the rest of the time I could play my games.

No tags, I always feel guilty about them. If you want, take, do, tag me so I know.