#been thinking about him nonstop for like. a year. whats his fucking deal

[urban-caravan]

the bisexual blonde man has harmed me once more

[umadosedepascal]

DIRTY HOLIDAY | Pedro Pascal X f!reader | One Shot

Written by Santa Trindade

Banner by @missyorkswhore

Made in Brazil

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Summary: You go with friends spend the holidays in Mexico, such a coincidence to be at the same resort as Pedro. What a world, so small huh?

wc: 3.7k

rating/warnings: [little surprising plot] [Pedro being Pedro][unprotected PIV][oral sex m/f] [alcohol comsuption] [Curse words]

a/n: C’MON GUYS. Do I need to explain myself after yesterday pictures and videos? NO. FUCKING HELL NO. wtf Pedro.. WHY is he so fucking hot??? WTF. 😭

You are going with your friends to Mexico to spend the holidays this year. It was a tough decision to make because you always spend the holidays with family, but this time you decided to try something new away from home since your whole family always judges you. Your dad always comes to you saying, “You’ve been drinking a lot, my baby; slow down…”

All you want to say is that you are a grown woman and do whatever you want, but every year you keep behaving as an angel to them.

You and your girlfriends get on the airplane on the 24th, heading to Mexico for 2 weeks.

All of you are very excited and feeling some freedom in the air.

“Hell yeah, the first thing we get there will be a round of tequila shots… you gotta deal with me…” and your friends laugh with your sassy attitude.

A promise is a promise. You check in, change to your bikinis, and go to the bar by the pool.

“Hey buddy, 3 shots of tequila, por favor?”

The barman looks at you with half-closed eyes. “ID first, my ladies; you look under 18…”

Although you are all over 27, actually, you three hand your IDs on the counter and look around the pool waiting for your drinks.

One of your friends comes to you and says, “Hey, isn’t that guy from….”

Your jaw drops, your legs start trembling and shaking, trying to hold on to something and not to fall… “YES?”

Pedro is lying down on a sun chair in red shorts, drips of water are running down to his bare chest, and he is really deep into a book.

“I need my shot RIGHT NOW!” You say loudly to your friends, trying to compose yourself at the same time.

They know you have a crush on him and talk nonstop about his work, so this is going to be a wild trip if you get to meet him even for a second.

“Second round is on me; let’s do it,” one of your friends says.

All you can think about is him. You don’t stop to look in his direction and try to plan how to approach without being a silly, stupid, drunk idiot.

The most down-to-earth friend of yours tries to calm you down, saying that you will have your chance, etc., but you are so far away in your thoughts that you ask for a large margarita and tell them you're going to take a sun chair as close as possible to him and see what happens.

“You crazy! But yeah, good luck; I hope he’s not a dick with you…” one of them tells you, hopeless, not trying to hurt your feelings.

“Dick? Yeah, I want some dick… You laugh, already buzzed, walking towards the chair right next to his.

As long as you get near him, by himself, still deep into the book.

You already worked up the courage and asked, “Hi, is this chair taken?”

He gives a side eye, looking at you from head to toe. “No darling, all yours…”

As you sit on the chair, you can hear your friends from the bar cheering like party animals.

You look at him saying, “Jeez, these people know how to party, huh?” Hoping he didn’t see you before taking shots with them a few moments ago.

“Yeah, yeah… young people... having their time…” he says with a smooth voice.

You feel relief because he didn’t see you before with them and anxious at the same time because YES, you could start a chit chat with him.

“Erm, yeah…” You don’t know how to keep this going and pick anything that you find inside your ecobag just to create other possible ways to talk.

Lay down on the chair, put on your Ray-Bans, and open the FUCKING MAP of the resort.

Jesus, what am I doing? Should I say I know him? Should I just ask what he is reading or maybe wait for another brief comment coming from him?

You can see by the side of your eye that from time to time he looks at you, but very, very fast, you just hold that giant map, feeling like you're on mushrooms with empty thoughts on your mind.

You’ve got your friends getting drunk and cheering for you from the bar and the hottest guy in the world by your side.

Think wisely…

You grab your drink from the side table and sip it.

“Is that good?” He asks you.

Pretending like you got scared, almost dropping the fancy glass on the floor… “Did you just.. talk to me? Um, well, I had better ones. But this one isn’t bad at all…” you describe your drink with a shy smile.

What the fuck did I say???

He chuckles, closing his book and now sitting down on the chair.

“Hm... 3-star review? I’m getting one myself; I like cheap stuff.”

You simply just give a “ha” to him as he stands up and walks towards the bar.

Your friends get wild; at this point, they might think he is going to talk to them for sure.

You immediately look at them trying to mimic something like, “Nooooo, noooooo, don’t say shit, you motherfuckers!!!”

You are in a panic because you know them and what they are capable of, especially under alcohol influence.

But they understand wrong; they know you always need a hand in terms of trying to flirt with someone else.

You see one of them approach him, saying something and looking at you at the same time.

You are screwed up. You know.

The only thing you can do now is wait for your end, getting big gulps of your drink and trying to calm down.

He comes back with a wild smile on his face saying, “I just met your friends over there; they told me things... you don’t need to hide anything…”

You sit down quickly. “What? Hahaha, they… They are buzzed; don’t believe in what they say…”

He keeps looking at you with half-closed eyes. “Hmm,” he sits on his chair sipping his drink and says, “Yeah, it’s not that bad at all…”

You simply don’t talk for some moments; your anxiety is building up like a pressure cooker.

Until then… “Hey Pedro… I’m sorry… I just wanted to say hi, but I’m already drunk, and I don’t know how to start a proper conversation. They probably told you I’m a sucker for you… and the ‘dick’ thing as well. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a stalker; I don’t want to bother you. I just think you're awesome, and it was a stupid idea to come over right here, right now.” You run over words.

“Wow, wow, wow, they just told me to be nice to you, haha, because you care... about me.” Pointing to himself.

After you say all that with a flushed cheek, you let out a loud laugh looking at your friends that are already out of sight. You get more desperate saying sorry a million times, trying to compose yourself.

“What more did they say?”

“That you are awesome and know everything about my stuff, but with moderation… I don’t know what they meant, but yeah, I just didn’t catch your name…"

You tell him your name with eyes open and disbelief that your friends, for the first time, did a good job, but not you… not you.

“What’s the dick thing you told me?” He asks you with a smirk.

“Aaah, nothing… being a dick… that’s it.” You say, looking to the ground with shame.

He grabs you by the chin and says, “I would never be a dick to a beautiful girl like you…”

You feel a shiver down to your spine when he touches you like that.

Oh shit…I’m already wet without even getting into the pool.

“I, I think I need to… brb…” You leave everything behind and go straight to the toilet, locking the door and sitting there.

Breathe in, breathe out.Ok, I will just grab my stuff and disappear…What did I do?

As soon as you open the door, Pedro is there waiting…

“I usually don’t do things like that; it can be the vibe, my drinks, or even Xmas. I don’t know…” He says, grabbing your hips, pushing you back to the toilet, and closing the door behind him.

“Is that what you wanted? hm" He rubs his beard on your face, searching for your mouth.

He guides your hands to his growing bulge while running his right hand from behind you, rubbing one finger over your pussy.

You moan when he rubs his finger roughly against you…

“So wet already for me…” he says in between sloppy kisses.

“Since the moment I spotted you here, yeah…” you whisper, with both hands stroking his cock over the shorts…

Then Pedro takes you slowly to the sink and sits you there, spreading your legs…“Let me see what you got, beautiful… spread more…” putting your bikini bottom aside and lowering to the same level.

You grab his wet hair with one hand while he tongue darts you deep, sucking your lips and moaning low with pleasure…

You don’t even blink, just looking down at him savoring you, such a tease.

No fucking way this is happening…

You can feel his nose rubbing against your clit; you are getting close to the edge, but suddenly people knock at the door…

“Oh dammit…” You murmur disappointedly.

Pedro stops his worship on you and tells you with a low voice, “My room isn't far... want to see what naughty presents Santa has for you?" His fingers trace small patterns on your thighs, making you shiver.

“But we need to be discreet��� What’s your room number? I meet you there…”

Pedro chuckled softly, his breath tickling your ear. "Discreet, huh? I like the way you think." He leaned in closer, his lips brushing against your earlobe as he whispered, "Room 217, second floor."

Luckily nobody is at the door anymore, so you sneak out the toilet.

You try to find your girls just to quickly freak out and disappear again, but there's no sign of them.

You come back to the pool area, and Pedro isn’t there anymore; you bite your lip, get a deep breath, take your stuff, and go towards the elevator.

Room 217

You knock twice.

The door slowly creaks open, revealing Pedro standing there, his shirt half unbuttoned, revealing his chiseled chest. He's holding a bottle of tequila and two glasses. His eyes roamed over your body hungrily.

Stepping aside to let you in, he whispers suggestively, "Merry Christmas to me, indeed." He gently shut the door behind you, his free hand trailing down your arm. "Hope you like tequila..."

“Hm, yeah, better be careful… right?

Pedro's eyebrows shot up, a devilish grin spreading across his face at the memory. "Ah, but that was just a sample of what I can do sober. Imagine what I'm capable of now, all loosened up." Doing a little dance…

Then he pours two generous glasses of tequila, sliding one towards you before picking up his own. "I've got a list of naughty things I want to do with you..."

Oh, he wants to play a game…I’m just gonna faint 😮‍💨

“Oh… tell me more…” You push him to the sofa, sitting on his lap.

A deep, sexy chuckle escapes his lips as he lets you push him onto the sofa, his hands immediately finding your curves. "Mmm, you're being a naughty girl..." He takes a sip of his tequila, then offers you the glass. "You first."

“My list? With you... it is an extensive list. Better you tell me yours first…”

Pedro leans back into the sofa, a confident smirk playing on his lips as his hands continue their exploration of your body. "Well, since you asked..." He takes another sip of tequila, his eyes never leaving yours.

The motherfucker is a tease; I knew it… I knew it!!!

His hands wander up and down your body possessively as he continues. "I want to see those perfect lips wrapped around my... gifts." He punctuates his words with a gentle bite to your neck.

"Then I want you bent over this fireplace mantel while I take you from behind, watching your reflection in that mirror across the room.” His fingers trailed along your waistband suggestively.

“Wow…You really don’t waste time on your list, huh?” You start unbuttoning his shirt all the way down.

He chuckles, his eyes locking onto yours as he sees you unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his chest and abs one button at a time. He helps you finish the job, tossing his shirt aside. "Guess not..." He growls, pulling you closer.

Pedro's lips curled into a wicked smile as you slowly head down towards his chest, his hand lightly gripping the back of your neck.

"Well, since you asked so nicely..." you murmur approvingly, pressing your lips against his nipple.

He let out a low groan as you began to suck, his other hand coming up to gently stroke your cheek. "Fuck, just like that..."

You let out a soft laugh. “So… you like some worship on your nipples, huh?”

A deep, sultry chuckle escaped his lips, his voice husky with desire. "You're learning my secrets, aren't you?" His hand urges your head towards his other nipple. "Not just my nipples... but every part of me deserves some worship."

“That’s how I make my way down…” you whisper.

His breath hitches as you whisper your intentions, his body tingling with excitement. "Well then, I can hardly wait to feel those heavenly lips trailing lower..." He guides your face down his torso, his abs clenching instinctively under your touch.

As you kiss and nuzzle your way down his abdomen, Pedro's hands rest lightly on your head, his fingers gently guiding you. "Lower... lower... yes, just like that..." He hisses as your lips brush against the waistband of his red swim trunks.

You slowly peel back his zipper, the sound echoing in the room. Pedro's breathing grows heavier as you reach inside and wrap your hand around his thick, hard length. He lets out a low groan as you pull it free, his eyes rolling back in his head. "Fuck... oh god..."

Pedro's cock twitches eagerly as you firm your grip, the skin velvety soft, a prominent vein runs along the underside. The head is broad and round, flushed a deep red, with a tiny slit oozing with pre-cum. His hips giving an involuntary thrust forward, seeking more of your touch. "Don't tease me, beautiful..." He breathes out, voice strained with lust. "Put those gorgeous lips to work."

As you bob your head up and down, Pedro's hands tighten on your shoulders, his fingers digging into your skin. He starts to thrust gently…”Fuck... You look so beautiful with your mouth full of me..." He pants, his abs flexing with each thrust. His hands move to cup your jaw, his thumbs caressing your cheeks as he guides your movements. The wet sounds of your sucking fill the room, mixed with his guttural groans.

I take you out of my mouth for a few seconds. “You taste so good, but I don’t want you to reach the edge, hottie…”

His breath catches at your words. "Mmm, teasing me now? You know exactly what you're doing..." His tone is a mix of both frustration and deep satisfaction. "Yeah, don't make me come just yet…”

“Yes, let’s work on your list…” You say, sitting back on his lap, cleaning the corner of your mouth with his precum.

Pedro's eyes darken with desire as he watches you clean your mouth with his precum. "Fuck, you're so naughty... I love it." He reaches out and runs his thumb over your lips, spreading it around before leaning in to claim your mouth in a deep, passionate kiss.

“So…What did you say about the fireplace? Second of the list…”

Pedro smirks mischievously. "Ah, the fireplace... I was thinking we could move our little session over there." He stands up, lifting you with him effortlessly. "I want to bend you over the mantel and fuck you from behind, watching your reflection in that mirror across the room.”

Pedro carries you to the fireplace, setting you down gently on your feet. He spins you around and bends you over the ornate wooden mantel, the cool marble pressing against your skin. "Keep those elbows locked," he commands, a firm hand on the small of your back.

Not happy with that, you just suggest, “Why don’t you just take me to the bed?”

"Because the bed is too ordinary," Pedro murmurs, running his hands down your thighs possessively, "I want to do this here, where I can watch myself take you in the mirror." He steps back to admire the view, his eyes roaming over your arched back and rounded bottom.

With a mischievous tone, you ask him… ”and you like to watch yourself?”

"Right now I’d love watching myself fucking you," Pedro confesses, his voice low and husky with desire. "Seeing my cock disappear into your pussy, feeling your body shake as I pound into you... it's fucking incredible." He reaches out to run his fingers through your hair, tangling them in the loose strands.

"And the mirror," he continues, his other hand reaching out to the mantel to steady himself as he lines himself up with your entrance. "Watching myself push into you, feeling your tight little hole squeeze around my dick as I fuck you hard against the mirror... fuck, it's going to be perfect."

With a deep grunt, Pedro thrusts forward, sheathing his hard length inside you in one smooth motion. He pauses for a moment, savoring the feeling of being buried inside you before he starts to move, his hips slamming against your ass as he fucks you hard against the mirror.

"Look at us in the mirror..." He reaches around to cup your breasts while continuing his steady pace. "Watch how beautifully you take my cock. Those whimpers you're making... fuck, you're perfect." His pace quickens, his breath becoming ragged against your ear.

His fingers pinch and tug at your nipples as he fucks you relentlessly, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing through the room. The mirror fogs up from your panting breaths and his sweat, obscuring parts of the reflection but not enough to hide the lewd scene unfolding before it.

In between moans, you beg him to take you to the bed; you can’t stand your legs anymore with so much pressure.

Pedro growls, pulling out of you abruptly and spinning you around to face him. He lifts you up and carries you to the bed, tossing you onto it before climbing on top of you. "I need to be inside you again, now."

He settles between your thighs, his hard cock pressing urgently against your slick folds. "Wrap your legs around me," he demands, easing the tip of his shaft teasingly along your slit. As you comply, he grips your wrists, pinning them above your head with one strong hand.

Pedro leans down, capturing your lips in a fierce, dominant kiss. His tongue pushes past your lips, claiming your mouth as his other hand guides his cock to your entrance. In one powerful thrust, he buries himself inside you again, swallowing your gasp with his mouth.

He breaks the kiss, his eyes blazing with lust as he begins to move, thrusting into you with deep, measured strokes that make the bed creak beneath you. "Fuck, your pussy feels amazing," he grits out, angling his hips to hit that perfect spot inside you.

Pedro quickens his pace, his grip on your wrists tightening as he chases his release. The room fills with the sound of his hips slapping against yours and your breathy moans. "I'm going to fill you up so full," he pants, nipping at your jaw. One of his hands slides between your bodies, finding your clit and circling it with his thumb. "I want to feel you come on my cock…”

"Fuck, you're getting tighter... Is this what you need, baby?" His thumb presses harder against your clit as he fucks you with deep, forceful strokes, the intensity in his eyes unwavering. "Come for me..."

Pedro feels your walls clench around him, and he growls, "That's it, cum on my cock." He slams into you one last time, burying himself as deep as he can go. His thumb circles your clit frantically as his release builds. "Fuck, I'm close..."

With a loud grunt, Pedro explodes inside you, his cock pulsing as he fills you with his hot seed. His thumb presses hard against your clit, sending you over the edge as you scream in pleasure, your pussy milking his cock for everything he's got.

He stays buried inside you, his thumb slowly circling your sensitive bundle of nerves as he nuzzles his face against yours, breathing heavily. "Damn it, I will tell your friends you are amazing… they were right..." He murmurs, his voice muffled against your neck.

After a moment, Pedro slowly pulls out of you, his softening cock slipping free from your still-quivering pussy. He collapses beside you on the bed, pulling you into his arms and holding you close. "Can we keep up with this list?" You say.

He kisses the top of your head, his heart still racing from their intense encounter. "I think we should keep going, yeah. There are a lot more things on that list I want to try with you." He pulls out his phone and starts typing, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Hey, I need to check on the girls...” you say, worried about them being away for a couple of hours already.

Pedro looks up from his phone, his expression softening. "Of course, go check on your friends. I'll be here when you get back. But don't be too long, okay?" He says giving you a little wink.

As soon as you go back to your room, you find your friends passed out on the bed.

Well, I guess you will leave a note at the door saying thanks for the little help, and you guys will catch up on the next day because you won’t sleep in the same room for a while… The list is endless.

😈

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Thanks for being here and read our delusional fics, likes are appreciate, comments even more. If you want to ask anything, blast it!

[gojosprettyprincess]

Tw - Stepbrother choso, soft dom Choso?, fingering, pussy eating, squirting but reader didn't know what it was, oversimulation, ass play. Reader is 20 about to start college and choso is 23. This shit is honestly pretty filthy. I'm sorry for any errors.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

(Twitter link for visual at the end)

Thinking about...

Your mom getting remarried to another man and you having to move into a new house and adjust to your new household, it wasn't going to be easy, it's a whole different chapter of your life beginning and a lot of things were going to change and be different.

But no matter what you vowed to try your very best to make everything easier for your mom, whatever it takes. She been through a lot in her past relationship and now she's finally happy and smiling so you'll do anything you possibly can to keep it that way. It's just so weird being the only child and now having to get used to having a new sibling, he was 5 years older than you, you don't really interact with him that much, you just wanna get all this over with till you can finally move out and begin college once summer ends.

Well things just happened to take an unexpected turn pretty fast.

"Be a good girl for me and keep still yeah?" he whispered to you while slamming two of his long thick fingers into your cunt nonstop. It was too much, he made you came on his fingers two times already yet he still kept going, scissoring and curling his digits against your tight walls while he fucks it in and out of you, the wet squelch of your cunt filling the room. He had you laying on his lap with your body folded on half, one of his hands gripping your thigh while the other is plunging into your cunt, you couldn't help but squirm on top of him.

"T'much, c-can't anymore please, t'much cho" you whimpered, nails sinking into his forearm.

He looked down at you smirking, "Cum f'me one more time then I'll stop, deal?", you reluctantly nodded your head, your poor cunt was so sore from all the times he'd do stuff like this, which is every night when your parents are asleep he'd sneak into your room and play with your poor little cunny so he can prepare you for when he's gonna give you the real thing and fuck you silly with his thick cock.

"Fuckkk baby you have no idea how much I wanna sink my cock into this cunt right now", He hisses, feeling your walls tighten around his fingers, his cock straining to be released from his boxers.

"Need you to cum f'me right now, c'mon princess you can do it". He encourages, fucking his fingers into your slopping cunt knuckles deep, faster and faster, hitting your sweet spot while he brought his thumb to your clit, flickering and rubbing small circles on it as he helped you climb to your orgasm.

Your head fell back against his chest as you came undone on his fingers. You cried out as he continued pumping his fingers inside of you throughout your orgasm, your toes curling while your eyes were rolling back of your head.

His eyes were glued to your body and face, paying attention to how your body reacted while your cumming, how you look so pretty with your eyes rolling back, he can't wait to see that exact scene but with his cock splitting your tight in half instead.

You came so much, your juices were leaking onto his lap, he licked his lips looking at how creamy your cunt was glistening as he slowly began pulling his fingers out of you. Strings of your slick connecting to your cunt and his fingers before snapping when he pulled away.

"Such a messy girl, see all the dirty mess you made princess?" he chuckled "What kind of big brother would i be if I don't help my sweet little sister clean all of this up?" He questions before he manhandles your body from his lap and places your back onto the bed.

He quickly got between your thighs, pressing both back towards you so your body could be folded, he took a moment to stare at your leaky wet cunt, the way there's cum dripping out of your entrance, leaking down to your asshole it was so messy. He dragged his tongue to your asshole before licking all the cum off it in one swipe up to your cunt, then he started lapping your entrance, making sure to clean and lick all the cum off with his tongue in the process so he could taste you, he loves eating your cunt so fucking much, the taste drives him absolutely crazy, always making him coming back for more. It was delicious.

"F-fuck!" you hiccupped "N-not so fast cho, s'much slow down please" you cried out, trying to push his head away, tugging on his hair, only to earn a groan from him while he ignored you and kept slurping on your cunt like a hungry man that just got his favorite meal for the first time in forever.

He kept swirling his tongue on your clit while his fingers are digging into the soft flesh of your thighs, eyes fixated on your lewd expressions while your loud moans and cries filled the room.

It was just too much; your legs were shaking, you tried to move yourself but couldn't because of his strong grip on your thighs. All you could do is lay there, whimpering and crying as he feasts on your poor cunt. You felt your tummy start feeling weird, everything started feeling strange, like something different was about to happen. The new sensation of your body being stimulated launching you over the edge, making you jolt and writhe.

"Oh my god! Oh my god cho! Something's coming, feel so weird fu-fuck!" you warned, panicking as you attempt to try and push his head away only for his grip around your thighs to get tighter, he starts sucking your clit, as he pushes two of his fingers into your soppy fuckhole, fingerfucking the shit out of you, it was honestly so fucking nasty, the noises that were being made, literally everything. He was acting like an actual fucking animal, groaning into your pussy while he's slurping and sucking on your clit as his thick fingers working its way in and out of your wet sloppy cunny. Your brain gets all fuzzy and blank as you released whatever it was, clear liquid gushing out of you like a fucking water hose, your back arching against the bed as you grip onto the sheets screaming, you might've even woken your parents up for fuck's sake. You squirted all over Choso's pretty face, his shirt was drenched, his fingers, everything. Yet that nasty motherfucker still kept licking up your leaking cunt, his tongue lapping up all your juices from your dripping hole then he makes his way to your asshole, circling his tongue around your puckered hole before giving it a few kitten licks, making sure that he licks up every bit of your pussy juice since it seems like a burden to him to let any go to waste. Flickering his tongue on your hole as it's fluttering and winks against the pad of it while his long fingers still slamming into your poor tired hole. It was so fucking much that you felt like passing out as you start crying and whimpering even more.

After he was 100% sure he licked your cunny and everywhere else squeaky clean and was satisfied, he pulls away from you, panting and trying to catch his breath before moving closer towards you, he picks your head up with his arms, cradling it while wiping away your pathetic tears.

"S'okay princess I got you it's okay" he allows you to catch your breath as you calm yourself down. "Did so well f'me, such a good girl, aren't you?". He cooed, planting a kiss on your forehead.

"Cho-choso what was that! What happened!??" you asked nervously. "It's nothing bad baby, don't worry about it, you did a great job".

"Gonna make you do that same shit again tomorrow but on my fucking cock got it?".

Bonus

Visual on how he was eating your cunt but he was def doing way more than that since he's such a sick desperate fucker.

[kingofpopmj]

Conscious Decision

Part 8

July 21st, 1988

*Y/N’s POV*

I felt myself sinking deeper into the mattress the longer I laid here. I couldn’t bring myself to move let alone open my eyes. I had just spent a fourth night sleeping alone after our wedding day— well what should’ve been. Now, more than ever I felt the most connected to him. I could feel his sadness, pain and fear. It felt like a malicious joke. It’s been four whole days without him, yet the hold he had on my heart and mind was stronger than ever. He had me even though I was fighting it, but that was a joke too, because I wasn’t putting up much of a fight anyway.

“Do you want to join the girls and I today? We’re going into town.” Janet jumped onto my bed, propping herself up on her elbows.

“I think I would much rather lay here all day. The sun is too bright and the birds are singing too loud. Who was that on the phone?”

“I’m glad to see you’re still as optimistic as ever. Y/N, you know who it was.” She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, playing with the ends of her hair. “Come on. You can’t stay in the room another day. You have to get out. Come with us, it’ll be fun!”

“The phone has been ringing nonstop for hours. That was all him?”

“Yes. Can we change the subject now?”

“What did he say?” I rolled onto my side, staring at her impatiently.

“Okay, we’re still on this. This isn’t a good idea. I don’t think me telling you everything that little twerp said will help.”

“It’s that bad?”

“No. I mean it’s the usual, he wants me to tell you all this mushy stuff and he’s asking when he can see you. He doesn’t sound too good.”

“I miss him.”

“I know.”

“I’m just so mad at him.” I huffed, sitting up and crossing my legs. I didn’t want to go on like this much longer. I don’t want to be angry anymore.

“I know.”

“I love him.” I let out a deep breath, trying to fight the urge to cry again.

“Yeah, no shit.” Janet rolled her eyes and for the first time in days I laughed with her. A genuine laugh and it felt amazing.

“You’re so annoying.”

“Do you want to see him?” She crossed her arms, staring at me with a weird look on her face.

“Yes, but I don’t know if I should want to see him.”

“Do you want to know what I think?”

“That depends. Is it mean?”

“No! I’m never mean!” She flung her legs to hang off the side of the bed, exhaling dramatic as ever, “We all know this isn’t the end. What he did was— he’s an ass for doing it, but he hasn’t really had the chance to explain. I mean no damn explanation will ever make up for it— he’s still an idiot, but maybe it’ll give you the necessary closure to move forward together or move on separately. You guys are going to move on from this one way or another, because even though my brother is king of the fools and doesn’t deserve you— I mean seriously you’re so out of his league he’s lucky you even look his way. I swear the fucking nerve. You’re the whole damn package and he ain’t shit— he’s lucky he met you when you were kids. He had years to soften you up. Now, you see his goofiness as endearing, instead of what it truly is. A big ass red flag!” She took a deep breath, before going on. “Anyways, for some insane reason he won you over. You love him. And as much as I hate him right now, I have to cut his the tiniest shred of slack. Michael doesn’t have much— well any experience with relationships, he’s never tried to understand them for anyone but you. It’s unknown territory. He’s never cared enough about a person to explore a relationship. No one measured up because there is only one you. You’ve had his heart since the beginning— his stupid little heart. In his mind, the definition of love is you. Love equals Y/N. That’s the only way it’s comprehensible to him— the only way it’s real in his eyes. Besides this, he’s done a decent job being your guy— I mean this was a huge deal, it was your fucking wedding, so maybe that erases all the things he did right. I’m not sure. I haven’t decided yet.” She stood up, walking back and forth along the rug, her arms waving in the air as she spoke. “What I’m trying to say is, he’s got his crusty little nails dug into you and he’s not going to let go. Not without a fight and I’m telling you as his little sister, Michael can take a lot of hits. He won’t give up easily. I don’t know what he’d do if he lost you and honestly I’m hoping I don’t have to find out, but I’ll support you in whatever you decide. I believe he’s truly sorry. Maybe you’ll feel better when you hear his side. I think, if you really want to see him, you should.”

“Wow. That was the sweetest, meanest thing you’ve ever said about Michael.”

“I try.” She shrugged, giggling at her own sarcasm.

“What time are you leaving? Should I call him?”

“In an hour. Relax. That little fool will call again and when he does I’ll let him know.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll give him a piece of my mind too just to scare him.”

“Janet.”

“I’m going to tell him you packed up and went back home.” She laughed like a hyena, jumping off the bed only to fall over. “Oh, he’d probably cry.”

“Please don’t make him cry.”

“What! You did! Why can’t I?” An uncomfortable silence followed and her expression shifted along with it. “Shit. I’m sorry that was too soon.”

“It’s okay. I just— it sucks that this is our reality.”

“It’ll take time, but this will all be worth it in the end. It’ll be—” The telephone rang loudly as we stared at each other, slowly directing our attention to the piercing noise. “I’ll get that.” She smiled, looking over at me one last time. “Are you sure?” She asked with her palm resting on the telephone.

“Yes. I’m positive.”

*Michael’s POV*

“Michael.” My younger sister’s annoying voice came from the other end.

“Hi.” Suddenly, I was very aware of how many calls I’ve made to this number, but I didn’t care enough to be embarrassed about it.

“So, what’s up?” She was teasing me, I could imagine her at this very moment, smiling deviously with her hand on her hip.

“My blood pressure. How— how is she?”

“The same as she was fifteen minutes ago.”

“Okay.”

“How are you?” Her tone changed, I could tell she was being sincere. “Brother, you can talk to me, are you okay?”

“No.” I answered honestly. “I ruined everything. I thought I knew why. I thought it was the right thing. I just wanted to protect her. I don’t know how to exist knowing that any second I could lose the one person that makes it— that gives my existence purpose.”

“Damnit Michael.” She huffed loudly.

“What? What is it?”

“I’m trying to be mad at you right now and you go say that?” I could hear her pacing as she let out a sad chuckle. “Now, you have me crying like a baby. You know what, you shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Let me be mad at you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re so annoying. Always saying the perfect thing. You damn poet.”

“I’m—”

“She’s in the shower.” Janet quickly interrupted me. “She’s getting ready.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good she’s going to get out and do something. She deserves to be happy.”

“Michael, listen to me and listen carefully. Y/N is really fragile right now. She’s strong, but that doesn’t mean she’s indestructible. What happened— what you did, it messed her up. It’s triggered things in her that I don’t think she even knew existed. She’s cried so much, I didn’t know it was humanly possible to produce that many tears. You freaking jerk. Seriously, I don’t even— I love you, but damn I’m really struggling to be nice to you right now. I don’t understand why you did this, but I’m not the one you owe that explanation to. Michael, I want to help, but in order to do that I’m gonna need you to get your head out of your ass. I’ll do everything I can to help you get your girl back. Let me help you, no more stupid shit. It’s going to be difficult, but I believe it’s possible to get past this. It’s possible if you don’t go rouge again. You only get one chance with me. Brother, I promise, you so much as breathe in the wrong direction and I’ll knock you on your ass.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry, I truly am. I wish I could do it all over again and do it right. Thanks, you saying it’s possible for us to get past this is the best thing I’ve heard in days. I’ll be good I swear, I wouldn’t want to feel the wrath of Janet.” I rolled over in bed, trying to ignore the tickle in my throat. “You should take her to The British Museum or St. Paul’s Cathedral, she’d love those. I can make a few calls and get you guys a tour guide or passes. Whatever you guys need.”

“Okay, on one condition.”

"You’re a pain in my ass. What’s the condition?"

"You should be the one to take her."

“She doesn’t want to see me. I’d ruin her day. I’ll be lucky if she ever wants to see me again.”

“Well, it’s your lucky day. Why else do you think she’s getting ready?”

“Are you being serious? Because this would be a really mean joke.” I sprung up from my previous position, kicking off the layers of covers weighing me down. “We’ve been on the phone for ten minutes and you’re just now telling me?”

“Yes.”

“She really wants to see me?” This must be what Christmas morning feels like.

“She really does.”

“She really does?”

“Yes. Okay, I have one more thing to say. Michael, I love you and I love Y/N. I love both of you so damn much, together and as individuals. You guys getting together is— it was so awesome. She’s been family for so long. We were all excited when you two finally made it work. I don’t know it just felt like, you know, like it all fell into place. Fuck, this is hard. Look, I’ll do whatever I can to lead you two back to one another, because right now it’s evident that you both want that, but I’m going to do whatever is best. So, if I get even a sliver of a feeling that Y/N doesn’t want this, no matter how much it’ll hurt, I’ll support her. If she decides at any point she needs to walk away from you, I’ll be there for her. That’s never going to change. I’ll be here for both of you, just separately.”

“I understand.”

“Okay.”

“I have to get ready. It's actually such a relief that it’ll be the three of us.” I said, the nerves were quick to take over my body as I tried to think of what to say to her. What can I say to her? Janet being there will definitely take the edge off.

“Is thirty minutes enough time for you?”

“I could get ready in five minutes with the way I’m feeling right now.”

“Good. Oh, by the way, this morning mom and the girls invited Y/N and I to go out with them. It’s a nice day to do some sightseeing, don’t you think? Yeah. Well, I’m still going with them, so it’ll just be the two of you. Y/N’s expecting you to pick her up from my room. Don’t be late! Bye!” She spoke so fast I could barely process it.

“Wait!—”

“Gotta go! Kisses!”

She giggled wickedly, hanging up on me without another word. I swear she lives to watch me squirm. I dropped the phone and watched as it hung by the wire, bouncing up and down before stopping all together. I rubbed my eyes as I got out of bed for the first time in four days. My room, that was once our room, was dark and stuffy and to my mother’s dismay I refused to let her tidy up. It looked like how I felt on the inside. I deserved to be surrounded by darkness and disarray. My body ached as I dragged my feet over to the bathroom, turning on the water and waiting for it to warm up which felt like an eternity.

My mind wandered to Y/N, stepping into the tub felt so lonely, everything felt empty without her. I never truly understood how integral she was to my life. I don’t have many friends, many people I can trust, she’s the small piece of normalcy in my life. 

“I’m not sure where you go from here, but you’re going to have to accept the fact that it’ll be without her.”

My brother’s words echoed in my head as I felt that sensation, the one that has quickly taken control of me often since that day. The one I couldn’t escape regardless of how hard I fought.

The sound of blood pounded in my ears. My heart collided against my chest with force. My hands began trembling beyond control. My vision growing more distorted, I tried to blame it on the steam from the shower, but I knew better. I had to get away. I couldn’t stay stuck in this bathroom any longer. I needed out.

I unintentionally ripped the curtain off the rod while reaching for my towel. I leaned against the cold tiled wall, fighting to fill my lungs with air. I was almost there. I can do this. All I had to do was breathe. If I held on a little longer I’d see her. I’d be with her soon if I just held it together. I can do this. The tightness in my chest, loudly told me otherwise. Shit. Quickly, stumbling over furniture to reach the phone, I dialed numbers, in the same order that I had been for the past few days. Maybe, I need to hear her voice. That’s it. That’s what I need. I just need to hear her voice and that’ll help ease my mind. That’ll help me breathe. The phone didn’t ring long and that voice filled my ears. The voice that consumed my thoughts and dreams the past four days. The voice I couldn’t function without.

“Hello?”

It’s her. It’s Y/N.

My Y/N.

*Y/N’s POV*

I lifted my purse, hanging it off of my shoulder as I contemplated which heels to wear. It was almost embarrassing how emotional it felt to see him again. As hurt as I was, I think I missed him more. I knew I missed him more. The phone rang obnoxiously, startling me, yet still, I practically danced over to it. Thankfully, Janet had already left or else I would never hear the end of it. I was confident that I’d hear his sweet voice on the other end and as much as I didn’t want to admit it out loud. I couldn’t wait.

“Hello?”

I held the phone close to my ear, waiting to hear him.

“Hello? Michael, is that you?” A deep rooted emotion began to flood my senses. One that I hadn’t felt in a long time, one that I had hoped I’d never feel again.

“Michael?” The faint sound of wheezing was the only response I got. It was all I needed.

I didn’t think twice. I didn’t say anything else. I took off in a sprint. As fast as I was moving it still felt too slow. When I reached the stairwell, the images from years ago flashed through my mind. As my hands gripped the cold steel railings, I remembered the feeling of the shattered pieces I cleaned off the floor that night. The damp remnants left on my shoulder from his tears all those years ago, causing my body to run cold at the memory.

Finally, I reached his level, running down the hall and colliding with his front door. I was so worried I forgot to slow down. My hands struggled with the zipper of my purse, so I tore it open and dumped its contents onto the floor. The small silver key called to me. I yanked it off the patterned carpet, unlocking the door and shoving it open.

I didn’t have to walk much further into the room before my eyes landed on him. Michael, curled up in a fetal position, a towel wrapped around his waist and his wet hair clinging to his face.

“Hey.” I whispered, gently touching his head. “I’m here. It’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.” I sat beside him as he pulled himself into my lap, his head resting on my thighs and I stroked his hair. “Just breathe. I’m here.”

“I— I ca— can’t.” The sadness in his voice tugged at my heart. I’d never heard it so broken before. I could tell he was scared. My presence wasn’t enough, he needed a little more.

“Focus on my voice.” I spoke calmly, lying down next to him. “Remember that night we snuck out to go camping?”

He didn’t respond, I didn’t expect him to. He had a strong hold on me as we laid close to one another. I could feel how lost he was in his thoughts. I needed to bring him back to me.

“I was so excited walking over to your house that night. I’ll never forget seeing you jump out of your bedroom window, you fell right on your butt. When you saw me, you shot up to your feet and acted like it didn’t hurt, you insisted that you were fine even though you were limping.”

This time I felt a slight nod from Michael, so I continued on.

“You brought the blankets and I brought the snacks. We had prepared all week for that night. I couldn’t wait to be with you, I wanted to stay up all night just to spend more time together. You spent four hours wrestling with the tent, because it wouldn’t stay up, you were so mad. We ended up sharing a sleeping bag and lying directly on the grass with no shelter, so we had a nice view of the sky. It worked out if you ask me, it’s the reason I love stargazing. You knew how much I loved s’mores, so you built a little fire in that empty soup can. It worked for a while too, until you—”

“It was you.” He spoke, gently interrupting my storytelling.

“Michael, we go over this every time. You kicked it.”

“Sweetheart, I love you, but you knocked it over reaching for the marshmallows.”

“Agree to disagree.” I laughed at our refusal to accept blame.

“You’re barefoot.”

“I wasn’t finished getting ready when you called. Then, I heard you, so I dropped everything and ran. I tried to get to you as fast as I could.”

“You got here at the perfect time.” He assured me, his voice was soothing as I felt his smile against my forehead. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad I could help.”

“I was so nervous that night. I used some of Jackie’s aftershave, I had Janet help me fix my hair and Latoya dressed me. That was going to be the night.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was going to tell you how I felt. How I truly felt.”

“Really?” I adjusted my head to see his face. He smiled back at me, resting his back flat on the floor and pulling me to rest on his chest.

“I had my speech memorized.” I looked down, studying the ring on my finger, all the while I felt his eyes on me. “I was going to start off by telling you what an incredible best friend you are, how beautiful, kind and loving you are. How I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”

“We were thirteen.” I whispered.

“Yeah, we were, but I already knew.” I calmly started to move away from him, but he stopped my movements. “Y/N, I love you. I always have. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“Michael—”

“I don’t want to live my life without you.” I closed my eyes as I felt him touch my cheek, his fingers were soft and I couldn’t help but lean into his touch. Old habits die hard. “I can’t live without you.” He murmured, all my worries melted away, long enough to feel how well we fit together. The tenderness of his lips sparked a warmth in my heart and an urgent need throughout my body. Our connection grew stronger the further we went. I looked up at him, watching him settle in between my legs. He placed his hand on my denim covered thigh, inching up to unbutton my bottoms. The effect of his touch quickly shifted, unleashing a wave of anxiety rather than pleasure.

“Y/N, look at me.” Janet grabbed my shoulders, giving me no choice, but to stop avoiding reality.

“He’s really not coming.” I spoke softly, I sounded lifeless. “I can’t believe he did this. How could he do this?”

Michael lingered above me, his lips curved slightly before I felt them on my neck and that’s when it hit me.

“Where were you?” I asked him.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m here now. And, I’m so sorry for being late.”

“You stood me up on our wedding day. I’d hope it would matter a little bit.”

I felt my body tense up as his moved against mine. Michael slowly pushed my top down my shoulder, hooking his finger underneath my bra strap. I became extremely aware of where this was going and it consumed me with panic.

I’m suffocating.

“Michael—”

“I missed hearing you say my name.”

“Michael. Wait. Stop!” I pushed him off of me harder than I intended to. It was abrupt, taking me by surprise as well. I felt like I was drowning and for the first time, Michael wasn't my life line.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this.”

“Oh?” He readjusted his towel and looked at me as if he was asking me to explain further.

“Michael, I think I need time. We can’t act like it didn’t happen.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to go change and get some shoes on.” I smiled at him half-heartedly, gesturing to the wet splotches now littering my outfit.

“Sorry, I dripped all over you.” He let out a soft chuckle.

“It’s alright—”

“Wait.” His hand wrapped around my wrist, keeping me from escaping the awkward tension in the air. “Nothing I say, nothing I do is ever going to fix this, is it?”

“I— I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

“I think we have a better chance than most.” I whispered, trying to ease the pain of this situation.

“Can we still spend the day together?”

“I’d really like that.”

*Michael's POV*

Y/N met me in the lobby after she had left to change her outfit. I was speechless. Wow. She looked breathtaking. A long lacy black dress hugged her curves, it had an open neckline and see through sleeves that covered her arms. I could not stop staring as she walked over to me. Although, it felt more like she was floating. Wow. She paired it with deep red heels that matched the color of her lipstick. A black hat resting on top of her head, shielding her face if she looked down just enough.

“Hi.” She stood in front of me and still I couldn’t find the words. 

“You– I– Wow. Hi.” 

“Are you okay? We can stay in if you don’t feel up to going out. I know the panic attacks are—.” She whispered with a small comforting smile.

“No. No. I just– Wow. You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you. You look very handsome yourself.” Her fingers traced the red band around my arm. “I love that you still wear these.” 

“I’ll always wear them. They remind me of you.” Y/N smiled, curling her fingers around my bicep as we exited the lobby.

The journey to the museum was uneventful. It was full of meaningless conversation and heart wrenching glances. When we arrived I did my best to look as normal as possible, instinctively, my hand rested on Y/N’s lower back, keeping her close to me. Old habits die hard. We were ushered through a side door and I was able to make arrangements, so we had a whole wing of the museum to ourselves. I knew she’d love it. I couldn’t wait to be alone with her again.

I gave Bill a subtle nod, swiftly he fell back, giving Y/N and I more privacy as we roamed. I admired the way her eyes scanned the canvas before us, the way she nibbled at her bottom lip as she tried to understand it and most importantly how close she stood to me. Our arms brushed one another, breathing in her perfume made it seem like it would all be okay.

"Thank you for bringing me here. Wow, look at this one. I love it." The deep colors of the painting in front of us, matching perfectly with her outfit. Again, I was watching her more than the art.

“I love you.”

“I lo—Me too.” She smiled sweetly, her hands clasped together in front of her as she walked over to the sculptures. I noticed how she couldn’t say those words back to me, although it hurt, I couldn’t blame her. As much as I wanted to hold her hand I knew she needed distance, but I couldn’t let her forget that I was going to fight for her.

“Y/N, I’m so in love with you. I need you to understand that.”

“Michael, I know. You’ve been reminding me all day.”

“I believe it’s nice to hear. You deserve to hear it. I enjoy reminding you.”

“Okay, that’s very sweet. Thank you.”

“I guess some people don’t enjoy professing their love like I do.” I snapped.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She stopped walking and turned to me, her left eyebrow arched as she waited for an answer.

"It means that I've been pouring my heart out to you and the only response I get from you is 'I know' or 'thank you’. What's going on, Y/N, do you not love me anymore?"

"Jesus Michael."

"Well, what is it? What else should I do? Do you not want to be with me anymore? Do you want me to take you back to the hotel? Right now, I feel like I’m the only one trying to fix this."

"You're the one who broke it!"

"Y/N, baby—”

"Don't call me that!" She pointed at me as her bottom lip quivered. No. Please don’t cry. I can’t handle seeing you cry.

“You think I don’t know that I caused this?”

“This was a bad idea.” She shook her head, spinning on her toes and quickly walking towards the exit. “I can’t believe I thought—”

“No, it wasn’t! No! Talk to me.” I ran to catch up to her, grabbing her arms and standing in front of her.

“Michael—”

“Tell me why you’re shutting me out!”

“I don’t want to do this here.”

“Tell me!”

“Michael, stop—”

“Talk to me damnit!”

“Stop yelling at me!” Our voices bounced off the walls, I could feel the anger in her words. She hated yelling, arguing wasn’t her way. Y/N always preferred to talk things through, so I took a deep breath and spoke.

“The only way we can fix this is to talk about it. I want to fix this. I need to fix this.”

“You didn’t show up.” She said simply, her eyes not meeting mine.

“I know.” My grip on her arms loosening as I watched her contemplating what to say next.

“It felt like our wedding meant nothing to you. It didn’t matter. I didn't matter. You just vanished and you made me feel so rejected. That was the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. I don’t understand why you did it.” Her cheeks now damp with tears as she fought to contain herself.

"I'm sorry. Y/N, I know I caused this. I know these are the consequences of what I did— I hate knowing I did this to you— It’s on me. You can’t say it— you can’t tell me you love me because I left on what should’ve been the most important day of our lives. I did that. I did it and I hate myself— I hate that you can barely look at me, but it’s my fault. I regret it with my whole heart. I should’ve shown up. I should’ve done it right. I should’ve made you my wife. I should’ve— I wish I did and I'm so sorry. I know I deserve it, I know I deserve for you to walk away for good but I’m still so afraid to lose you."

"The reason I haven't said it back isn't because I don’t love you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you hurt me Michael. You hurt me in a way I never thought was possible. It was an unbearable pain that I never thought I'd have to endure, especially from you. That night, I didn't want to see you ever again, I thought I hated you, but you came to see me anyway. Once I saw you I forgot about that pain, I forgot about how angry I was, because all I wanted to do was run to you. All I wanted was for you to hold me and to forget everything that happened. Once I saw you, all was forgiven and when I heard your voice I was yours again."

"That's good. Right?"

"You don't understand." She shook her head, turning away from me, but I stopped her.

"Then explain it to me. Please."

"I love you so much that I'd forgive you without an apology, without an explanation. I love you so much that I'd accept pain as long as it meant that I'd still have you. I love you so much that l'd— I love you so much that I've allowed you to string me along all our lives."

“Y/N.”

“This isn’t the first time you’ve hurt my heart.” She wrapped her arms around her waist as if to hold herself together.

“Y/N, this is the worst thing I’ve ever done, I know that, but we have both hurt each other in the past. Maybe I’ve caused you more pain, but that doesn’t negate the pain I’ve felt.“ Once the words left my lips I regretted it. She’s never hurt me.

“Well, maybe we should just walk away now, try to save our friendship before it’s too late.”

“I don’t want to go back to that. You don’t want that. I can’t. Y/N, you’re who I belong with. It has always been us.”

“I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. We couldn’t survive anymore pain. We couldn’t. Even as friends.”

“Y/N, I need you to believe me. I rather slit my wrists than cause you pain. I will never hurt you again.”

“Again.” She muttered, “It used to be I will never hurt you. Period.” She uncrossed her arms, pushing her hair behind her shoulders.

“I know.”

“Michael, I’m so afraid.”

“Of what?”

“I’m afraid of forgiving you, but I’m petrified of not forgiving you.”

“Y/N—”

“Why?” She interrupted me, her lips sucked in between her teeth. She was struggling to keep herself from falling apart in front of me.

“Why what?”

“Why didn’t you show up?”

“I— I’m not sure.”

“Michael, please, answer the question.”

“I guess there were many reasons.”

“Many?” Her voice sounded helpless as she stepped further away from me. I never knew it was possible to see someone visibly crumble until now.

“Please. Baby— I mean Y/N, please don’t cry.”

“What were the reasons?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“Then, I’m leaving.”

“Stop! Please, stop walking away from me.” I ran, blocking her path, my hands cupped her face gently. “I know you don’t want to leave. I know you don’t mean it. I know you.”

“Yeah, you know me so well.” She rolled her eyes out of frustration, lifting her chin up and away from my grasp.

“Y/N, what do I need to do?”

“Please, just explain it to me, tell me the reasons.” I shook my head, looking down at the floor. “Why not?”

“Because I’m trying to fix us, not break us.” I tried holding her hand, surprisingly she let me.

“What does this look like to you? We’re already pretty broken.”

“Exactly. I don’t—”

“I need to know why in order to move forward. I need to know, so I can let it go. I need to know so I can try to forgive you.”

“I don’t see how that will help, it’s like you want me to hurt you. All day, you’ve kept me at a distance. You’ve barely looked at me. Have you thought about how that makes me feel?”

“Are you really trying to compare standing me up on our wedding day to me trying to figure out how to forgive you?”

“Are you trying to hurt me on purpose? Is this your way of getting back at me? Getting even?”

“If you truly think I’d do something like that, plan to hurt you as a way of evening out the playing field then you don’t know me like I thought you did. If that’s what you think, then we shouldn’t even be here right now.”

“It’s not. Y/N, I know you would never do that.”

“Then why’d you say it?”

“Because I’m frustrated. I fucked up. Okay? I really fucked up. I ruined this and I’m struggling to ignore the possibility of not being able to fix it.”

“Me too.”

“At least there’s one thing we agree on.”

“Yeah, little victories.” She smiled weakly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“It’s difficult being so close to you yet feeling so damn far away.”

“Mhm.”

“I wish I could jump on my bike and ride down to Burger Grill. Your go-to order, a big bag of fries, a milkshake with extra whipped cream and cuddles from your favorite guy. When we were kids, that used to fix everything.”

“Yeah, but we aren’t kids anymore.” She pressed her hand against her belly as she attempted to calm her breathing. “Michael, I can’t jump back in right away. I want to fix this it’s just— I feel so vulnerable. I don’t want to feel pain like that ever again. It’s nerve wracking being with you, but I’m trying. I really am. I want to be close to you but my mind won’t let me. I think— I don’t know— It’s like everything inside of me is at war. My heart hurts, but wants you, wants to forgive you. My body aches, but wants to be held by you—” I knew if I let her go on she’d end up inconsolable.

“I didn’t show up because I want you to be happy. More anything in my entire life I want the best for you. I want you to enjoy life and never have to experience anything less than pure joy. I want you to have freedom. You said you needed to know, so here it is. When I was with Frank that day, he went on this rant about how your life was going to change and I wasn’t preparing properly.”

“Okay.” She gently squeezed my hand encouraging me to go on.

“He was right. You’ll be my wife. That’s all. You won’t be able to work and I know how much you love your job. You won’t be able to make a simple trip to the grocery store or anywhere really at least not by yourself and I know how much you value your independence. You won’t have any freedom. Your privacy will be gone in an instant.”

“That’s all?”

“Well, yeah. It’s not easy. I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you because those damn parasites were following you. The thought of you being dragged through the mud to the extent that I am— that thought killed me.”

“You could’ve come to me. We could’ve discussed it. Michael, I would’ve understood.”

“I know.”

“Why did you think that the solution was to not show up?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why?”

“Because!” I yelled again. This is not going the way I thought it would.

“Because what!” She snatched her hand away from mine, looking back at me like I wasn’t me anymore, like I was a stranger.

“Because I knew if I showed up, I knew if I saw you— I knew that we would be married right now. I can’t think straight when it comes to you. Damnit, Y/N, I’m selfish when it comes to you. I needed to think about it. I needed more time. I know now that I shouldn’t have let Frank get in my head. I should’ve shown up and married you like we planned. I should’ve married you that day because that’s all I’ve wanted my whole life. I’ve always wanted you. I will always need you. I was so in my head that day, scared to do the wrong thing and I ended up making the worst decision. I always try to do what’s best for you. I’ve always put you first. Everything I do is for you. Believe it or not, at the time, I stayed away for you.”

“Wow. My hero.” She turned to walk away from me. Again.

“Y/N! Stop! Damnit, you can’t ask me these questions and get pissed with my answer no matter what it is! That’s not fair!”

“You know what’s not fair! This!” She held up her left hand, the engagement ring, a bitter reminder of what never was. “It’s not fair that I can’t bring myself to take this off! It’s not fair that I made my peace with everything that came with being your wife. It’s not fair that I accepted how drastic my life would change and chose to embraced it because at the end of the day we were starting our new life together. It’s not fair that you didn’t think the positives of being together outweighed the negative like I did. It’s not fair— all the reasons that made me so excited to marry you, so sure you were my person, were the same ones you used to add to your list of reasons to run. That’s not fair!”

“You’re right. Shit, you’re right.”

“That’s the thing. Michael, I don’t want to be right. I want us, together, to be right. I don’t know how to do it. I want to fix it. I just don’t know where to start.”

“Y/N—” I spoke delicately, but didn’t get to finish my thought. I was cut off by her crashing into me, her head rested on my chest, her arms reluctantly wrapping around my waist. I didn’t allow myself to be shocked for too long. I held her with all I had, rubbing her back, gently swaying her and hoping this wasn’t the last time I’d ever hold her. “I think we need more of this. It could help.”

“Mhm.” Her gentle sniffles felt like a punch to the gut. “It’s not easy keeping you at a distance.”

“I've missed you.”

“I've missed you too. So much.” Her hands moved slowly up and down my back. This was nice. “Janet’s crazy.” She muttered.

“You’re barely realizing that?”

“I guess I’m late to the party. She’s the best though. She offered to steal all your left shoes and shrink your clothes.”

“She what?” I gasped as she laughed into my chest. It felt so good to have her close and to hear her laugh again.

“I haven’t taken her up on the offer yet.”

“Yet? Wow! How kind of you. I feel so protected.” We laughed, together, wrapped up in each other’s arms. The melody of our laughter carried up to the tall ceilings of the building. We were surrounded by exquisite artwork from all over the world, yet I could not take my eyes off of her. I only wanted to admire her. My Y/N.

“I’ll always protect you.” Her tone serious and for the first time since everything went wrong, she looked back at me, her eyes as beautiful as I remember, lips parted slightly, skin glowing like the stars on a summer night. I found myself hypnotized. Carefully, I closed the space between us, becoming painfully aware of how deprived I was of her touch, desperate to taste her tongue and feel her lips.

“Michael?”

“Yes, what is it?” I asked cautiously, hoping we could live in this moment longer.

“You could never keep your lips to yourself.” She smiled, reaching down and intertwining our fingers. I sensed that she wasn’t quite comfortable with a kiss, so I settled on leaving one on her cheek.

“Would you consider spending more time with me tomorrow?” I asked, feeling nervous all the sudden.

“I think I can clear my schedule for that.” She teased.

“I have some work to finish up in the morning before the show. It'd be fun for you to join me.”

“Would it be acceptable for me to be there?”

“Of course! Come with me! You can see all the behind the scenes stuff. If you want— I’d like you there— I mean if you don’t want to— I want you to be— well if you—”

“Michael, I’d love to.”

“It’s for Moonwalker.” I spoke, looking down at my feet to hide my shy smile.

“No way! You’re finally making it? That’s incredible babe! I can’t wait to see it.” My heart fluttered at the nickname. I was sure it slipped out, but I’ll take it. Little victories.

"Thank you. It’s been incredible so far. The script has come together nicely and I’ve been able to get almost everything I’ve envisioned brought to life.”

“That’s so exciting. I can’t believe I’m engaged to, what is it a quadruple threat? What can’t you do?” The way she looked at me was out of this world. If we weren’t in a public place I would’ve been all over her.

“You’re making me blush.”

“Mhm.” She moved closer to me, her soft lips connecting with my jawline. Her movements were so soothing. My eyes fell shut as she planted small kisses down my neck.

“I could get used to this.” I joked, she giggled, gently pushing me away.

“You always had that about you.”

“What?”

“The talent of being so damn adorable that I forget why I was angry in the first place.”

“We’re going to make it.” The corner of my lip curved up as I stretched my arm out to grab a hold of her. “Y/N, we’re going to make it. We have to make it.”

“We will make it.” She responded softly, rubbing tiny circles into my wrist with her thumb.

We stood in an empty hallway, smiling at each other like two lovesick kids. It was a nice change. It was a moment filled with hope.

“I have a surprise for you.” An excited smile graced her face at my statement. I led her out to a small courtyard, where I’d set up a romantic lunch date for us.

“This is beautiful.” We walked down a small path surrounded by flowers and a small pond. She was practically jumping up and down. It was perfect.

“My lady.” I grinned, sliding out her chair for her.

“Why thank you.”

We sat enjoying our meal. I noticed Y/N had stopped eating a few minutes ago. She was in her head I could tell, so I did my best to let nature take its course. I couldn’t push her. I needed to let her work through it at her pace.

“Michael.”

“Yes?” She didn’t respond, instead she stood up from her seat and took a few steps over to my side of the table. “Y/N, is everything—” she paid no mind to my worry, carefully she sat on my thigh, her legs finding a place in between my own. Her arm slid across my shoulders, her gaze focused on me and a shy expression on her face.

“Michael?”

“Yes?”

“Could you, could you kiss me?” She asked nervously, like she thought there was the slightest possibility I would say no. I’d never say no.

“Y—yes, of course.” Nerves I never knew existed were now running through me at an alarming rate. My hands were trembling as I placed them on her. The moisture in my eyes suddenly disappeared, making me blink rapidly which I’m sure looked anything but normal. I removed my hat, placing it on the table and taking an audible deep breath. I must have been taken way too long because she spoke up again.

“I’m sorry. It’s okay. If you aren’t comfortable.” She shifted her body away from me, so I wrapped my arms around her. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“No.” I pulled her into me, her back pressed up against my chest.

“No?” She turned slightly to look at me and that’s when I kissed her.

Our lips laced together, perfectly, but only for a moment. We parted slowly, the kiss obviously had her feeling the same way I did. This was where I was supposed to be. Our gaze unfaltering, heavy with emotion and conveying the longing we had for each other. At the same time, the space between us disappeared and our bodies melted into one another. Eagerly, I grabbed her by the back of her neck and smashed my lips onto hers. Our connection deepening as her hands found a place at the back of my head.

As my fingers sunk into her hips, everything else faded away.

The only thing that could separate us, the only thing that could disrupt this moment was a tornado or maybe an earthquake. Neither of us wanted to be the first to pull away. We didn’t want this moment to be cut short. We wanted to soak in every piece of it because it was glorious.

“Michael!”

“A few minutes of peace was too good to be true.” She smiled against my lips, her hand sliding down to my chest and clenching a fist full of my shirt.

“Damn Bill. Should I— yeah I’m going to fire him. We’ll never be interrupted again.” I kissed her again, harder this time. Her giggles being replaced by soft moans. Oh, shit. We’re about to do it in the courtyard of a museum.

“Michael!”

“Son of a—”

“There seems to be a problem. I’m sorry to interrupt—” he stopped dead in his tracks, looking at us suspiciously before shaking his head and rolling his eyes. “Kids, there are windows everywhere!” He started pointing them out all around us. “You’re outside! In broad daylight!Anyone could see you two!”

“It’s fine. We weren’t doing anything.” I shrugged, tickling Y/N’s hip discretely.

“Sure. You’ve got lipstick on boy!”

“Oops.” Y/N looked so embarrassed, reaching to retrieve a napkin to clean me up. “You kind of pull it off though.” She whispered.

“Seems you’ve been found out. We need to get going before it gets out of control.”

“Well, that was fun while it lasted.” I’ve become used to adjusting my expectations, it’s just hard when I’m not the only one affected by it.

“It was! Look on the bright side, there’s nothing that went unseen. We got to do it all.” She’s so positive it’s impossible for some of it not to rub off on me.

She had her arm firmly around my waist, mine draped across her shoulders as we reached the exit doors. There was nothing I hated more than arguing with her, but if it would bring us closer together I’ll make an exception.

"Wait! Back up." Bill shouted, he opened the door for us just to slam it shut immediately. He aggressively pulled it until he heard the click ensuring it was secure.

"What is it?" Y/N asked, reinforcing her grip on my hand.

"We've got a bit of a situation dollface." Bill's tone was familiar to me, but not to Y/N. “Change of plans. What do you want to do?”

"How many are there?" I was frustrated to say the least. This was supposed to be a nice day away from everything, just the two of us. “It can’t be that bad. Can we make it work?”

"Enough. No, I’m sorry. I don’t want anyone getting hurt. I say we have Y/N walk out the main entrance by herself and we will get you out through the side entrance. They don’t know she’s here, so they won't bother her. She'll be safer if we split up."

"No. We're going out together."

"Michael, I don't think that's the best idea. You're playing with fire right now, son."

"Bill, she's my lady. I’m not sending her off on her own. She's safest right here. Next to me."

"Okay." Bill smiled proudly at my defiance. He had been furious at me, probably more so than anyone else. When I had him help me miss the wedding he refused to give me a moment of peace. He had lectured me for a whole six hours, saying I needed to man up and quit running away from the things I want. I never thought I’d see him that angry, I’d never given him a reason to be so disappointed in me. He repeated it over and over again, I had to stop making nonsense excuses to hide from good things in life or as he put it 'ruining my destiny.'

Damn, the old man, he was testing me. I guess I passed. Little victories.

“Let’s get out of here. Keep her close.” He shot me a stern look before leading the way outside. I nearly lost my balance when I took a step forward and Y/N didn’t move a muscle. Her eyes wide as she took in the chaotic scene we were about to walk directly into.

“I got you!” I shouted, so she could hear me over the commotion. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you!” I held her face in my hands, her hands gripped my wrists as she gave me a quick nod.

As we stepped through the threshold the number of people outside seemed to multiply. The screaming was deafening, my ears were vibrating and my teeth rattled uncontrollably. Y/N was struggling to stay on her feet beside me until I redirected her in front of me. People were reaching out to touch us and I could tell it was making her nervous. My hands firmly on her hips as our path shrunk significantly with each step. The crowd began pushing and pulling at us. I did everything in my power to comfort her, but it wasn’t enough. Suddenly, Y/N spun around wrapping her arms tightly around me.

“What’s wrong?” I spoke into her ear as she hid her face in the crook of my neck.

“I can’t see. My eye, there’s something in it.” I quickly looked down, she leaned her head back, staring up at me. Oh, no. Her eye squeezed shut, a crimson stream flowing down the right side of her face, I watched in disbelief as the thick substance dripped off her chin and down her neck.

“You’re okay.” I tucked her face back into my neck, cradling her head with my arm. “Bill!” When he turned to glance at me I held up my blood stained hand. After that, our journey through the crowd was an anxiety filled blur. When we finally made it to the vehicle, Bill guided us inside cautiously, jumping in after us and slamming the door shut.

“I’m so sorry.” I collected all the napkins in sight, with shaky hands I put pressure on the wound. I couldn’t see anything, there was so much damn blood. She just stared at me blankly. “I’m so sorry.”

“What the hell happened!” Bill roared, causing us both to jump.

“I don’t know.”

“I told you! I told you to keep her safe and you couldn’t even do that.”

“I did everything–”

“No you didn’t! You let her down again. You didn’t step up again. She deserves better!” 

“Please stop.” Y/N muttered.

“She trusted you to take care of her and again you hurt her! How could you let this—”

“Dammit, stop yelling at him!” Y/N’s voice reached an octave I had never heard before. She exhaled deeply, intertwining our fingers as she pulled me closer, her head resting on my shoulder. The warmth of her body sent shivers down my spine as she leaned against me. “Someone threw something. It isn’t his fault. It happened so fast. I didn’t even see it. Michael didn’t let me down, he never has.” It felt like her last sentence had deeper meaning. Whether that was her way of sending me message or not, she definitely sent one to those around us.

Her and I are a team. There’s no denying that.

“I’m sorry dollface.” Bill spoke as he concentrated his gaze out the window.

The vehicle hadn’t come to a full stop before Y/N grabbed my hand and pulled me along with her. I struggled to keep up, weaving through people, hopping over furniture. We barely made it into the elevator. Y/N was panting, incessantly hitting the button until the door began to shut just as we saw Bill trying to catch up with us.

“That was fun!” Her laughter filled the small space, she backed into the wall sliding down and holding her belly. I took a seat across from her, the way her cheeks shimmered under the flickering light had my full attention.

“It was.” I agreed, she studied my expression, stretching her arm out to press the emergency button. The familiar way the floor vibrated and that look in her eyes made me feel like I was on top of the world. She held her hand out to me, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “I think you have a concussion.” I joked.

“I’m fine. It’s just a scratch. The blood made it seem worse, but I’m good. I promise.” She moved to rest on her knees in between my legs, beaming at me, unrushed and uninterrupted. Her fingers curled around mine. “I don’t have it in me to hate you Michael. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved. I’ve never wanted anyone else.”

“Neither have I.”

“Why is everything so complicated then?”

“Because I’m an idiot.”

The cool steel wall pressed into my back, the warmth of her hands made my chest feel like it was set on fire, my eyes never leaving hers as she glanced down, studying my lips. Her guard slowly being let down the longer I held her. We sat there for what felt like hours, each second better than the last.

“You’re not an idiot.” Y/N’s voice sounded just above a whisper as our noses touched.

“I’ve made mistakes.” My voice cracking at my vulnerable position. “You do deserve better.”

“Michael–”

“I was kidding myself to think I’d ever be enough for you.”

“You made a mistake.” Her fingers traced the line of my jaw, keeping me from looking away. “It doesn’t mean you aren’t enough.” She mumbled, her shiny red lips communicated the rest.

She’s kissing me. She’s actually kissing me. My fingers were tangled in her silky hair as she tugged at my coat. I glanced at her briefly, she guided my hand to the zipper of her dress. Her skin was so soft, softer than I remember. Everything about her became even more beautiful than the last moment I spent with her. I can’t believe this is happening.

“We don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready. I’m just happy being with you again.”

“Michael, look at me.”

“Yes?”

“I need you.” Her voice is like music to my ears. I remembered the day I had said those exact words to her in this very elevator. “I need you closer.” She melted into me. The warmth of her thighs squeezed around my torso as I felt every emotion she felt, her lips never parting from mine.

“You’re sure?” I mumbled into her mouth, hoping she didn’t pull away from me.

“I’m so sure.” She grunted, tearing my shirt open, the sound of the buttons shooting against the walls masked by echoes of pleasure.

“Wait.” I pulled away, reaching the emergency button, and the elevator began to carry us up again.

“What— oh my goodness.” Y/N jumped up, readjusting her dress, she moved to zip it up and that’s when I stopped her.

“I’d leave it undone.” The elevator paused at our floor, I picked her up quickly, running down the hall to the room. Y/N was laughing, gripping my back tightly as I squeezed at her thighs that were wrapped around me. She moved to suck on my neck and I nearly dropped her at the sudden feeling of her tongue. I pushed her against the wall, my lips finding hers while my free hand aggressively twisted the doorknob.

“Michael, open the door or I’m gonna take your pants off right here.” 

“I’m trying.” Her laugh grew louder and uncontrollable while she watched me fight with the door. “This damn door.” I put her down, using both hands to push the damn thing open.

“Michael–”

“I got it!” She clung to me as I moved us inside, locking the door behind us. 

“You’re cute.” I felt her say against my lips. Her arms wrapped tightly around me as I walked backwards, chuckling every time she apologized for stepping on my toes.

“You’re—” We tumbled backwards, the corner of the mattress catching my leg unexpectedly as I led the way to the bed. We landed on the floor, Y/N carefully rolled off of me, cuddling into my side. Now, here we are, on the floor. Again.   

She’s actually here. Her body pressed against mine. The rise and fall of her chest brought me a great sense of comfort, one that I had been stripped of in the last few days. I can’t mess this up. I can’t lose her. I can’t make any more mistakes.

“That was smooth.” She said in between her fits of laughter. “It looked like you did a backflip. Are you okay?”

“God, I missed your laugh.”

“I missed you.”

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Spending the day with me. Thank you for agreeing to see me.”

“My heart belongs to you. That never changed.” She placed a gentle kiss at the corner of my mouth, but it ended way too soon.

“I hope it never does.”

“It won’t” She whispered, then it happened again. She looked into my eyes and the world stopped. She slowly leaned down, her lips connecting with mine. She clenched her fingers around my collar, pulling me on top of her, spreading her legs open in one swift motion. My body began to shiver as I settled in between them. Her forehead scrunched up when I pulled away, she studied my face while touching my cheek lovingly. “What’s going on in there?” she lightly tapped my temple. A worried expression grew on her face.

“I’m just thinking.”

“Uh-oh.”

“I can’t wait to start a family with you.” The whites of her eyes became more visible, her lips parted slightly as she obviously struggled with what to say next. “They’ll be brilliant. They’ll be beautiful. The more they inherit from you the better.”

I scanned every detail of her face, until her eyes captured my attention. I remember the first time I stared into them, I got lost, I became a sputtery mess. Her eyes enveloped me in a sense of warmth I’d never felt before. A sensation I only feel with her. Then, she smiled at me. My heart could barely take it, it pounded so hard I was sure she could feel it. I remember the first complement I gave her. “You’ve got a real pretty smile.” It slipped out, but I meant it. Oh, did I mean it! Y/N scrunched her nose and turned away when she nervously thanked me. She had me wrapped around her finger from that moment forward.

“That’s kind of— wait, are you saying you want to start trying for a baby?” Her voice was low and her expression difficult to read.

“I’d like to marry you first. That is, if you’ll still have me.”

The anticipation consuming me as I awaited her response was peaceful because I knew what the future entailed.

Our future.

Now, I truly understood and believed in the idea that sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

[ladykailitha]

Across a Crowded Room Part 2

This has five parts and is complete. It will be released every Saturday.

In this we has Steve's friends be dim, Eddie bringing breakfast, and Steve be a lovable dork.

Part 1

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

****

Steve had been shocked by the greeting of Eddie spinning him around. But not as flabbergasted as when Eddie kissed him on the lips just for saying that he missed him.

After Eddie left, Steve felt three pairs of eyes on him and he squirmed a little under their gaze.

“What?”

“Look,” Maria said, “you have been talking this guy up for weeks. Ever since you announced he was coming to stay for a week. And yeah we knew you had a crush on the guy, but this was holy shit fastest levels of yearning to relationship I’ve ever seen.”

Jarren nodded. “I mean, he’s hotter and cooler than you said he was. Like an actual record deal for his metal band? So cool. Long curly hair and doe eyes? So hot. But that’s not the point I’m trying to make here.”

“It better not be,” Steve groused. “Mine!”

Jarren laughed. “All yours, Steve. I promise. But the point I’m trying to make here, is that you kinda blindsided us with this one. Why didn’t you tell us about him before.”

Steve looked over at Robin. “I talk to him all the time. Like prior to him coming out to Chicago, we’d constantly call and text. He’s always commenting on my socials. Like I know I’m slow, but that is extreme levels of dense.”

Jarren and Maria glanced at each other in confusion.

“Wait,” Maria said, “you’re telling me that your ‘stalker’ is that guy?” She pointed toward the door.

Stalker was the name Steve’s friends called Eddie because he would always have commented or liked Steve’s posts by at least the end of the day. Faster than even Robin most days.

“You guys didn’t know?” Robin asked. “Like how many Eddie’s do you think Steve knows?”

Jarren held up on finger and then deflated. “Fuck. Yep. We’re idiots.”

Maria tilted her head back and forth and then shrugged. “Yeaaahhh.”

“I’m going to head home,” Steve said looking at his watch. “I’ll catch you guys later.”

They all waved him off with Maria promising she’d get Robin home safe. As he walked to the door he checked his state of drunkenness. He ran his tongue over his lips and decided that an Uber was a better idea than driving home.

He scheduled the ride on his phone and lit a cigarette. He had graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in education and basically had the whole summer off to get ready for the major change in his life.

Robin was moving out to New York to get her master’s degree and with any luck an internship at the UN as an interpreter.

She was super excited, but it would be the first time since they became friends that they would go their separate ways.

At first she had tried to convince him to do his last year of school in New York so that he could get his teacher’s certificate and teach there.

But as much as Steve was on board with the idea they both realized too quickly that Steve would be miserable in New York.

But Robin?

Robin would thrive.

So they had packed as much time together as they possibly could as they got used to the fact she would be leaving come summer’s end.

His thoughts were interrupted by the driver pulling up. After both of them triple check they were the other’s right person, Steve slid into the back of the car.

“Music or no?” the driver asked, looking at Steve in the rearview mirror.

“No music tonight, man,” Steve said. “I just want a little quiet tonight.”

The driver nodded and directed the car back to the main road that would take Steve home.

Steve made sure to tip well as the ride slipped by in blissful silence.

He thought that he would be thinking nonstop about Robin. About Eddie. About that kiss. But the quiet hum of the car in the darkness soothed Steve mind and while he didn’t sleep, he felt groggy when he got home as if he had.

He thanked the driver and began the slow trek up to the apartment he shared with Robin.

Steve stuck his key into the lock and sighed. Half the apartment was in disarray as it was nothing but half filled boxes and rolls of packing tape and bubble wrap.

Robin had already packed up her stuff and it was sitting in storage waiting for her to tell them to ship it cross country. The only bit of her things that remained was her clothes, which she had been living out of her suitcase, her daily stuff like toothbrush and shit, and her cellphone and laptop.

She had been sharing Steve’s bed because they needed to be next to each other. To hear the other breathe in their sleep. To know that their person was still there.

Yeah, okay so they weren’t handling it as well they had hoped they would.

He had taken off his shoes and flopped face down into the bed when got two messages.

The first was from Robin saying that she was staying the night Maria’s. Something they often did when they got too drunk. The second one was from Eddie.

-Sleep well, angel

Steve blushed. He didn’t even know why. There was just something so sweet about it.

-Night, Eds

He set his phone to the side and rolled over onto his back. He draped his arm of his eyes.

His plan was always going to be telling Eddie he was in love with him. It was also the plan was to move out to California with Eddie after the week. He was going to give up everything to be with him. Because he didn’t think he could live in Chicago by himself.

He had friends here. But without Robin to put a buffer between him and others when he got overwhelmed, he wasn’t sure if he could keep going out. He would become a hermit.

But now that Eddie was going to move out here, Steve knew that he would have other outlets for social interaction. He got along well with the other members of Eddie’s band and it would be great to see them again.

He got up and stripped down to his underwear. He preferred to sleep like that even in the dead of winter, but with Robin sharing the bed with him he had at least been wearing sweats to bed.

He slipped underneath the sheets and wondering what it would be like to feel Eddie’s skin between these sheets.

He fell asleep to the thoughts of Eddie curled up behind him.

****

The next morning was disturbed by the sounds of his soulmate coming home.

“Come on, dingus!” she hollered. “Up! I have coffee and breakfast.”

Steve was up and throwing on a pair sweats, hopping on one foot as he scrambled out to the kitchen.

He skidded to a stop and blinked at the sight before him.

“Look who I found on our doorstep?” Robin greeted cheerfully.

Steve smiled. “Hey, Eds. I’m guessing you are the bearer of breakfast and coffee?”

Robin squawked her outrage, but Eddie grinned. “Sure am, sweetness. Got you that caramel macchiato you love so much, an iced mocha for the lady and a dark roast, cream and two sugars for me.”

Robin glared at him.

“I kid I kid,” he said and handed her the black coffee. “It’s as dark as your soul, Buck.”

She took the coffee and sipped happily. “Yeah, you can keep him.”

Steve laughed.

“If that’s all it took to get soulmate approval,” Eddie teased, “was a single cup of coffee, I would have bought you one years ago.”

Robin pushed at him and then dug into the bag of breakfast sandwiches.

“What’s this?” she asked pulling out a sandwich in a plastic container.

Eddie snatched it out of her hands. “Mine!” He clutched it to his chest and hissed.

Robin held up her hands in surrender. She went back to her digging. She pulled out a breakfast burrito with peppers, onions, mushrooms, eggs and sausage.

“And that one’s mine...” she said sing-song, setting it to the side.

The last one she pulled out was a simple egg, cheese, and sausage on a buttery croissant. She handed it over to Steve.

“Is it creepy he knows our breakfast order?” she asked as she settled into to her coffee and breakfast.

Steve scoffed. “Robin you have posted about that same burrito almost every Sunday for the last two years, if he didn’t know what you liked, then I would be concerned.”

“Oops!” she said around a bit of food.

Eddie just shook his head and dived into his breakfast.

“What did you get, Eds?” Steve asked.

Eddie had just taken a bite, so he didn’t answer immediately. But he moaned happily around his bite.

“That, my darlin’,” he said once his mouth was clear, “is an eggs Benedict in a breakfast sandwich and I’m in heaven.” He wiped his mouth with his fingers and sucked on them to lick them clean.

Steve’s eyes went wide as he followed the movement. He licked the bottom of his lip and forced himself to look away before the situation got uncomfortable.

“It’s almost as good as the eggs Benedict Uncle Wayne used to make. I see why you guys love that place so much.”

“Yeah...” Robin said, “I’m gonna talk to Kendra and see if I can sleep on her sofa this week...”

Eddie and Steve’s heads snapped her direction.

“What?” Eddie asked, oblivious to Steve’s torture.

Robin rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to be around when the tension finally breaks and you fuck like rabbits on every surface of this apartment. Just clean up after yourselves, yeah?”

She hastily finished her burrito and kissed Steve’s cheek. She walked down the hallway to their bedroom to change out what she was wearing and to shower.

Eddie chuckled at her swift exit. “I didn’t realize I was being that obvious.”

“I think it was the moan that got her,” Steve muttered going back to his sandwich.

Eddie leaned forward and whispered, “Why, darlin'? Did it get you?”

Steve blushed all the way to the roots of his hair. He chewed on his bottom lip and then nodded.

Eddie wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

“Eds!” Steve groaned, pushing the other man’s shoulder. “At least wait until she goes to work, yeah?”

Eddie cackled. “All right, darlin’. I’ll be good until then. But after that, all bets are off.”

Steve felt like heat slid down his spine to pool in his gut.

He gulped and went back to his sandwich. Eddie and Steve were finishing up their breakfast when Robin came back out. She had her bag thrown over one shoulder, ready to go.

“I’m off at five,” she said. “So if you two wanted meet somewhere for dinner, just text me before then.”

She kissed both of them on the cheek goodbye and sauntered out the apartment with a cheerful wave and a “Don’t do anything I would do!” said over her shoulder.

“I’m not sure which of us the menace anymore,” Steve chuckled, shaking his head fondly.

Eddie pulled Steve in for a kiss. “Babe, you share the same brain cell, I’m pretty sure the answer is both of you.”

Steve snorted but couldn’t deny that Eddie was probably right.

“I’m going to miss her when she moves to New York,” he said softly.

Eddie held Steve tightly. “I know, sweetheart. Have you thought about what you want to do after she’s gone? I mean I know you were planning on moving out...” he makes a vague hand motion at the mess around them, “but where were you thinking?”

“Originally or now?” Steve asked after a moment or so just staring at him blankly.

“Is the plan different now that I’m in Chicago?” Eddie asked, pulling back so he could look Steve in the eye.

Steve pursed his lips and nodded.

“Stevie...” Eddie said warningly.

“What?”

“What was your original plan?” he asked dryly.

“Throw myself at you and move to California with you when you went back at the end of the week?” Steve said with a grimace.

Eddie blinked a moment. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Steve asked tilting his head.

Eddie steered him over to the sofa and sat him down on it. “Let’s talk about this for a minute, because even though we want the same things it seems like we’re not on the same page yet.”

Steve furrowed his brow but nodded anyway.

“Hey,” Eddie said firmly. “I’m not saying that’s a bad thing or that I don’t want to be with you. I do, but we need to have a talk about what being together means, okay?”

Steve let out a rough sigh. “Yeah okay.”

“So tell me about this plan of yours.”

Eddie settled himself on the sofa, twisting his body so he was facing Steve. He leaned one arm against the back of the sofa and laced his hands together, giving Steve his full attention.

“I was going to confess my feelings for you tonight over a fancy dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant,” Steve began. “Which I’m still taking you to, but maybe not tonight.”

Eddie smiled encouragingly. “Sounds good so far. What’s next?”

“And then if you told me you felt the same,” Steve continued, ducking his head, “I’d spend the rest of the week trying to convince you to let me go back with you to California.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “And what would you do back in Cali, baby?”

“I’d bartend,” Steve said with a shrug. “It’s what I did when I was going to school here anyway. Then during the day I’d get my teaching certificate in LA.”

Eddie blinked and then his expression softened. “Oh, Stevie. That sounds like a great plan. Too bad I blew by getting a record deal out here, huh?”

Steve laughed. “Nah, it just means I didn’t waste my money getting my teaching certificate for here.”

“So now what’s your plan?” Eddie asked after kissing him fiercely.

Steve shrugged. “Well, you’re here apartment hunting, so I figure I can tag along. Because something that might not work out for you...”

“Might work out for you instead,” Eddie finished. He licked the top row of his teeth thoughtful. “Sounds like fun. Let’s do it!”

“Today or later this week?”

Eddie grabbed Steve’s wrist and hauled him to his feet. “Go get dressed, baby, I want to go apartment hunting with you.”

Steve kissed him deeply and then went and did as he was told.

****

Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Tag List: @counting-dollars-counting-stars @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @danili666 @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

[lunalockley]

The Limo Driver (part one)

Jake Lockley x Fem!Reader

Warnings: SMUT. Very NSFW which is funny cause reader is in her workplace. Fingers exactly where you want them.

Summary: Jake has issues, yet has the audacity to be possessive.

Words: 4700+

Notes: Hiii! I wasn't posting for a while because I wasn't satisfied with my writing, but now save yourselves I'm backkkk

Masterlist

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Truth is… you’ve missed him. All this time you’ve missed him.

You have realized he never told you how old he is, where he is from, or what he does. You don’t have any substantial information about his personality, about who he is as a person. All you know is he answers to the name of Jake and you think he drives a limo for a living.

That’s it. That’s all you have on him. And half of it it’s guessed.

Yet, you’ve missed him. A lot. Which is pretty stupid. And annoying.

Because if you already have to deal with mornings you suddenly wake up breathing hard and sweaty just by the infuriatingly vivid idea of his warm mouth making his way down on your neck, or the roughness of his hands grabbing your hips to pull you closer, deeper, harder… ugly, disgusting ideas you’re determined to call nightmares. At work, everything gets worse. 

There are days when the restaurant is full, no matter how late it is. So you move around on a nonstop cycle greeting, serving, and cleaning until your shift is over and you don’t have energy left to think about anything else than your soft, comfy bed. But there are also days when almost no one comes. Days when no one wants breakfast at 1 am, for some reason, so you don’t have anyone to reassure there’s still bacon and eggs available—even when the ‘24-hour breakfast’ slogan plagues pretty much every inch of the restaurant. Nothing to serve, nothing to clean, no repetition to follow. Nothing to concentrate on.

So all that are you left with it’s the constant hum of the ceiling fan, your thoughts and the fact that his usual seat pulls your attention like a gravitational force, taking over you against all your fucking will. Whether it’s being used by a stranger and you can’t escape how wrong it feels having someone else where it should be him, or when its emptiness seems to mock how you haven’t been able to forget him despite how long it’s been since the last time you saw him.

So of course it’s stupid and annoying… and stupid.

Because if he’s not sitting there frowning at his coffee and flirting with you whenever you got closer enough, as he did for weeks on end all these months ago, it’s because he doesn’t want to, right? It’s been nearly a half-year for fuck’s sake. Of course he doesn’t want to.

You know that. You do. Yet the kiss gets replayed on your mind all the fucking time. Because that’s the exact same spot where you felt his lips against yours for real, not like the not-good-enough vanished version of your drea—nightmares.

Even though you’d prefer those horrible nightmares than staying behind the counter with nothing to do but alternate your eyes between a smooching couple in one corner and an old melancholic man observing the night sky in the other, the only customers in the restaurant. No one else has entered the place in a torturously slow hour and a half. And there's still another hour left until your shift ends.

It’s embarrassing how all your life you had been proud of yourself for not letting anyone take over your mind as you’ve seen in cheesy movies and listened to in corny songs. You were fine, taking care of your well-being, working on as many jobs as physically possible, patiently increasing your savings, doing everything in your hands to follow your slightly unrealistic dreams. But this? This is straight-out dumb.

You think about him as soon as you wake up, you get distracted on your daily life, on your work. And the fact that any little silly thing has the power to make you think of him, to wonder what he might be doing, may have he eaten, might he be okay—it’s infuriating.

You just never had someone on your mind… all the fucking time. 

And now it’s getting to a point you’re just mad about it. About how silly you were to open up to him, to share your dreams and fears when he didn’t even tell you his last name. About how naive you were to let him be part of your life so easily. About the stupid kiss, too. About how you still care, how you’re still hoping he’s okay. About everything. Even the soft buzzing of the coffee machine is getting on your nerves. 

You just have to… forget him. Somehow.

While you channel all of your frustration into cleaning the bar table for the eighty-sixth time you go through it again. You need a plan, you have to get over him. You need to go out, have a social life, get some new air. You’ll fucking do fifty push-ups every time he comes to mind if you need to. You won’t spend not even one more second thinking of him or his stupid lips, nor the lopsided almost-smiles he would give you every time you—

“Always working so hard, preciosa.”

A beat, and then you feel how your heart starts to race in your chest as all the oxygen seems to leave your lungs, getting replaced with too many emotions and thoughts you can’t process all at once. Everything feels like too much for a second. Too alive, too fast, too hot. And as if your body had a mind of its own, while you’re still trying to regain control of it, your head lifts and you’re certain you’ll finally find out you have lost your fucking mind. 

But you haven't. Because he’s right there, in his usual chair. 

Jake.

His brown eyes are the first thing that catches your attention, his gaze always having the power to somehow make you feel safe and exposed at the same time. Just like the first time you saw him, you weren’t able to look away even when he was drenched, limping, and bleeding. Another thing he never explained. 

The memory makes you examine the rest of his body. He’s wearing a t-shirt and a shirt and his chest is moving hard underneath, almost like he had run here. At least he doesn’t seem hurt this time. You also notice he’s not wearing his usual hat and you think this might be the first time you’ve ever seen his hair in full glory. Even if it’s slightly combed you can see it’s curly and fluffy and you try to bury deep down the stupid desire to lose your fingers in it. 

And you realize his whole body seems to be vibrating with some sort of energy, some sort of excitement you’ve also never seen in him before. And your own body, too susceptible to his, can almost feel it emanating out of him.

You search back for his eyes just in time to catch his slowly lifting from your body and when they make contact with yours they shine with something you rather don’t think about right now.

“It’s been a while,” he says still a little out of breath. And your heart is still in your throat while you wait for him to continue but he doesn’t. Is he expecting you to say something back to that? After all this time? Oh, it’s been a while? I haven’t noticed. At all. It’s not like I’ve been worrying to death because of you. 

But even if you wanted to say anything at all out loud you don’t think you could, you’re still frozen in place working with way less oxygen than needed. So you keep taking each other in, staring in silence like two idiots waiting for the other to say something. And to your surprise, he gives in first.

“Did you miss me?” He doesn’t smile, but his eyes are bright and there’s a teasing lilt to his voice, that flirty tone you know so well. The first thing about him that you can actually recognize because everything else feels out of place. The absence of his hat, the casual clothes, his whole weirdly happy demeanor. So you hold into it. 

Which is the worst thing you could do. Because your heart already struggling somewhere in your chest makes a mortal downfall to your stomach in response to it. And you feel it breaking a little bit more. Of the thousand if-he-ever-comes-back scenarios you had in your head you never picture him being almost… cheeky about it. He spends night after night for months bolted to that chair, talking to you, flirting with you, fighting any drunk who got too handsy, waiting for you on your late shifts to accompany your way home through dark streets, looking at you in that stupid bone-melting way he does… kissing you, just to disappear for six months and appear all of the sudden to ask if you missed him? The nerve of him.

“It’s good to see you, Jake,” you acknowledge, and you curse yourself for your slightly shaky voice. You’re still trying to gain your body back from the emotional overload. The adrenaline is still buzzing through your veins. And the way his gaze flick to your mouth once you pronounce his name doesn't make it any easier.

“Just black coffee?” You hear yourself ask, and you curse yourself once more for blurting out his usual order just like that. You shouldn’t remember those things after six months, should you? The thing is you’re not just trying to avoid answering his stupid question but you also need to have at least something to do with your hands. You can’t just stand there in front of him like an idiot, for god’s sake.

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” he answers dropping his gaze to the table and you take the opportunity to turn around away from his mesmerizing brown eyes and stupidly long eyelashes at least for a moment. “Always having fun playing with my heart, preciosa. You didn’t miss me, then?”

Again, the nerve of him.

“Clients come and go,” you toss carelessly back at him. Not facing him gives you a false sense of power. You have never been so ruthless around him, you never fully played along with his flirty comments but neither did you shut him down. Not being able to resist him. Stupid you. But no more of that.

“Mmm, just a client then,” he remarks in a meditative tone.

“Well, after all this time you’re not even that, are you?” You throwback a little too firmly, serving his cup of coffee a little too hard, almost spilling some on the counter bar. God, where is this passive aggressiveness coming from?

He doesn’t answer and you don’t expect him to. Instead he just looks at you. So you do the same, you can’t back down now.

As you observe him you notice part of his weirdly vibrating energy seems to have diminished along with his playful demeanor. He has realized you’re not playing around. And for a second you feel a stab of regret. Despite your annoyance, you enjoyed watching this new third expression his always serious face is capable of making, besides his usual grumpy, extra-grumpy murderous one you were already used to. Now all you have left are his rich brown eyes, which reveal more information than his words have ever done. Despite his will, you believe.

“How’s our cat?” Jake tries again, changing the subject. One you can’t resist.

“My cat. Just mine. And she’s fine. So big you wouldn’t recognize her.”

“Did you find her a name?”

“No. She’s still Viejita.”

Viejita. The way he called her when he brought her to you, tiny, malnourished, and full of fleas. He had found her alone in the streets. Said he had no heart to leave her, but he couldn’t take her home with him. Something about already having fish and cats not being discreet enough. So like the idiot you are you took her with you.

Not like you regretted though. You are pretty sure that tiny black-haired monster has become the love of your life.

“Viejita,” he chuckles softly. “That’s good. I approve it.”

You gasp, shocked. How dare he.

“You have no right.”

This time around he’s the one who seems shocked. After a brief moment, he says in perfect conviction: “Of course I do. I found her. I’m her father.”

“Yeah, you’ve missed half her life, that actually sounds like it.”

The silence rises again and his eyes, god, his eyes are looking at you with an intensity you’ve seen only once before: the night he kissed you. So instead of doing the grown-up thing and facing him once and for all, you do exactly the opposite. You turn around and pretend to be very busy doing literally nothing.

“And how have you been?” He asks a few moments later. Even when you can’t see him you feel his eyes pinned on you. You move things from one side to the other, pretending to organize them when you’re actually doing quite the contrary. You take a mental note to put everything back in its place before your co-worker arrives for her shift.

“I have work to do. Other customers to serve, Jake. Can’t spend the night chatting with you.”

“Yeah, sure, I see that. You’re drowning in orders,” you hear him grumble as you make your way to the table of the smooching couple that just left. They just had coffee and waffles, but you make the most of it taking as much time as you can carrying the mugs to the kitchen. Yet, it still takes too little. By the time you’re back at the counter top, there's still a half-hour of shift left. And Jake is right where you left him, his coffee untouched.

 “C’mon bonita, talk to me.”

You had forgotten the power his dark raspy voice has over you, breaking goosebumps all over your body. One more reason to hate your work dress too short everywhere, leaving your arms as exposed as your legs.

“Stop—Stop calling me… things in Spanish, please.”

“But you are bonita. Muy bonita. Preciosa.”

Fuck him, why does it sound so good? You’ll listen to Spanish ASMR tonight. Not having him in mind, of course.

“Well, I don’t like it.”

“Yeah, right. Don’t fight it. I’ve gone that way, too. But is just denial.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He’s doing that thing where the corner of his lips is slightly raised and his eyes shine with mischief. You can’t help yourself. You fall right in.

“What were you in denial of?”

“You.”

Ok, no. Abort. Don’t go that way. Change the subject. Fast.

You fill the air with meaningless sounds until you actually find something to say. “What’s with the new style? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so… so casual.”

He doesn’t smile but you see it in his eyes, your reaction pleased him. But then he crosses his arms and leans back in his seat a little bit, along with a subtle change in his demeanor. Almost defensive, but you’re not sure. “Borrowed.”

“Borrowed?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you need to borrow them?”

“Circumstances.” He answers with a shrug.

“Ok. And… what have you been up to?”

“Work.”

Single-word answers. A mimic of a response but not actually giving anything away. Keeping himself clean, not exposed, not involved.

“What are you doing, Jake?”

“I’m talking t—”

“No, you are not,” you interrupt him. You see a muscle appear on his cheek. “Why are you here? Why you came back?”

“I came back—came back to you. Didn’t want to leave.”

“But you did. So what does that mean?” You ask defenseless, tired of trying to figure him out. 

He opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything at the end. All you get is a head shake and a shrug as an apology. He won’t say anything, he never does.

“Nice talk.”

There are still almost twenty minutes left but you don’t care. The old melancholic man, the only customer besides Jake, is still sipping his coffee. He doesn’t need you.

You go and take your backpack to the bathroom. You’ll change and kill the time in there until your shift ends. But as soon as you close the door it opens again. Jake storms inside, you didn’t even hear his footsteps.

“Jake, what the f—”

“What’s wrong? What changed?” He interrupts you, positioning himself against the door. Blocking any way to escape him, forcing you to face him.

What changed?!

“Please, this isn’t—just…” you pause to take a big breath, putting all your effort into channeling the remaining patience you’ve got left “just leave me alone.”

“Why?” He asks softer than you expected, taking a step closer. But despite the tone, despite the cautious way he's approaching you you can see he’s holding back. You can feel his body tense with restraint.

“Because I want to be alone. I don’t want to be near you right now.”

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Yeah, why?”

Is too fucking small here, this bathroom can barely fit two people. And he’s gotten closer. You can feel the heat emanating out of him. The audacity to come here and perform a little interrogatory when he never answers any of your questions.

“Jake, please—”

“Answer me. Why don’t you want me near you?”

“Please, stop being an—” an asshole, you want to say. A selfish idiot who just takes and doesn’t give anything back. But you don’t. “Just leave.”

“Tell me why.”

That’s it.

“I don’t wanna be near you because you’re being a fucking asshole and I hate assholes and I hate your stupid chair and I hate that you leave only when you want to and not when I ask you to, like when you kissed me and you just fucking left! I hate that you don’t answer any of my questions but you come here expecting me to answer all of yours, and I hate that you are so close to me,” you snap, trying to push him away full force but he doesn’t move an inch. “And I fucking hate you too so get the fuck off m—”

It’s so fast. His hand on the back of your neck is what silences you. He’s suddenly pulling you closer, caging you by taking over your waist with his whole fucking arm. And when you are millimeters from his face his eyes shine with something you can’t quite put your finger on but they immediately change into something primitive and dark, halfway to insane.

And then his mouth is on yours and he’s kissing you. Hard.

All you can feel is him. His scent. The low hum when his tongue invades your mouth. The hand holding the back of your head, the other moving over your back and pushing you towards his torso. All hard muscles and heat. His pulse jumping under your fingertips. His upper thigh between your legs. 

Is this how it feels when he loses control? Is this how it feels when you lose control?

It must be. Because for sure you’re not in control of your body right now. Not for the way is pushing back to fit every part of his. Nor for the way you moan when he bites your lower lip. Or for the way your fingers trail down and get into the waistband of his jeans, desperate to feel more of him. The contact makes him shudder and growl into your mouth. But you can’t go any further because he’s suddenly turning you around so fast you barely get to hold your hands into the mirror before completely losing balance. His hands grip your hips, pulling you into him, making you feel the heat of his hardness and punching another pathetic moan out of you.

In response a pleased hum rose in his throat, the sound deep and husky. He slowly raises one hand through your body and wraps it around your throat, bringing you even closer to him. The other hand travels down your thigh. The look in his eyes wild and sharp, almost black when they click back on yours through the mirror's reflection. “Not so desperate to get away from me now, are we muñequita?”

You can’t breathe. Not when his fingertips find the hem of your dress. Not when he lifts it so, so slowly up to your waist. Not when he starts playing with the elastic of your panties. Not when he leans his head over your shoulder to get a better look. Not when he briefly brushes your clit through the fabric. Fuck.

You gasp at the contact. Jake removes his hand as his eyes immediately search for yours over the reflection, the intensity of his gaze as if his life depends on your answer.

“Do you still want me to leave?”

He’s not just asking for confirmation, he’s giving you a way out. If you say yes he will leave just like you said you wanted him two minutes ago. Perhaps he won’t ever show up again and you’ll finally get a chance to get back to your normal life before him. That’s what you should do. But you know won’t. Because whatever your common sense is shouting at you gets pushed back to the background. Too caught up in the way his body feels against yours. Too absorbed in what his next move might be, what his next words might sound like right there next to your ear. But you can't get yourself to recognize any of that out loud, so all you do is shake your head, utterly defeated.

“Mmm, what you want me to do then?”

You take his hand and try to take it back to your pussy but he takes it away before you can’t get any relief. It’s not fair. Instead, he raises his hand to move your head to the side, exposing your throat.

“Too bad. I’m not giving you what you want until you act right,” he says lowly and the baritone goes straight into your core. It’s too hot. You feel too hot. Overheated. There’s a faint sheen on your neck and now he’s licking it and you feel like dying. He lets out a noise that’s halfway between a snort and a laugh. “Months waiting for a fucking chance to get here and once I do you can’t fucking behave yourself. Now how was that? You hate me you say?”

“No. Jake, please,” you whine. Unable to stop yourself.

“No?”

“No,” a mere whisper. You don’t even know what are you answering. Your body wants him so bad isn’t even processing thoughts.

“So you don’t?” 

“Jake.”

“You sound so sweet. But I need to hear more, preciosa.”

“Please, Jake, I’m so wet.”

That seems to push a bunch of air out of him. Almost like he couldn't help himself, he moves his head back over your shoulder to watch as pushes the panties to the side with his thumb. His index and middle finger beginning to collect your wetness, the touch so soft you can barely feel it. Torture. Not even close to enough.

“Just fucking touch me already please or I swea—”

The rest of the sentence is muffled as his two fingers fill your mouth, a pinch of something pungent and salty. Your own taste.

“Told you to behave yourself,” he slowly moves his fingers out to your lower lip just to get them back inside to the knuckle. The movement, the words, the tone coaxes a whimper out of you. You’re burning inside out. “Now tell me, does it taste like you hate me? Mmm?”

Before you can even try to answer he turns your head to the side and meets you halfway to kiss you. His hand on your jaw, his tongue dominating yours, his voice raspier when he speaks again. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”

He keeps kissing you as he begins to trace the outside of your slit, up and down, up and down. And you feel yourself melting against him. His touch is so smooth and the effect that it has on you is so powerful. And he knows it. 

“You just can't get enough of me, can you?”

And then when he finally starts working on your clit you lose it. God, you had no idea. If two of his fucking fingers have made this trembling, needy, overheated mess of you, you better don’t even imagine what he could of you if—No. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking hell, you wish you could even talk but language has left your fucking brain. All you can do is whimper as he keeps talking you through it.

“Does it feel good?”

“You’ve needed this all this time? Needed me?”

“Say it then.”

“Say it. Say that you need me.”

“Say the words, baby.”

“Would you like it better if I fuck them off of you?”

Your body makes a sudden jerk when he stops the movement, demanding an answer. But no matter the state you are in there’s still a little corner of your fogged brain fighting. Fighting for not giving him what he wants, no matter how much you want to. No matter if he’s only asking you to admit what you know is true. His hand finds your jaw and positions your head straight into the mirror, forcing you to look into his eyes through the reflection.

And you give in a little. 

“No-o one gets under my skin the way—the way you do,” you manage to say, panting and trembling. Yet, you catch it. As soon as the words leave your mouth his gaze softens. His expression doesn’t seem to change, not anyone could see it. But you can. His eyes look pleased. The storm calms down a bit.

And while you're still spellbound, immobile under his gaze and unaware of anything else but his brown deep eyes he slides two fingers in. The stretch ignites fire from the inside. Your head rolls back into his shoulder as his head falls back into yours.

“Fuck.” The words sound muffled on your neck, low and delirious. “Fuck, baby. Those pretty little noises you’re making will haunt me till my last living night.”

You can already feel it. The way your muscles tense, the way your pussy is squeezing his fingers. So close, so close, so close, so fucking close. And then—

A knock on the door. Your co-worker is calling up your name.

Jake slips his fingers out and takes a step back. The movement sinks down into your stomach. Is he regretting it? Will he disappear again just like last time?

“I–I’ll be there in a minute,” you pronounce as clearly as you can, hoping she won’t notice the tremble in your voice. 

Slowly, you come back to your senses. Your legs barely hold you up. A minute goes by and he still doesn’t say anything. You take your jeans and put them on. Deep down you already knew it. This doesn’t changes anything. He won’t let you in. And you’ve got enough of it.

“I don’t unders—All these months I’ve been so worried, and confused, and angry at you. And on top of that, I missed you so much that I even got tired of it. Physically tired of it. But you know what the worst part was? The more time you spend in my head the more I realized I don’t know anything about you. I barely know your first name. And you, somehow, managed to get any stupid little detail of me out in the clear and that makes it even—”. You finish taking off your dress and you put on your shirt. He's looked at you through the mirror throughout the whole process, his eyes dark and stormy again. You close your backpack and turn to face him. “The point is even this ridiculous little 30-second monologue of me being honest about how I feel it’s more than anything you’ve told me about you. I don’t know you, Jake. I’m not the one who needs to act right. And whatever this is,” you say pointing between the two of you, “is over.”

He’s taking deep breaths, his body tense, restrained once more. Controlled. With a last look in his eyes, you recognize what you couldn’t get your finger on earlier on. It’s vulnerability. But after a few blinks it’s deep down hidden again.

You think he might stop you once you open the door and walk away, but he doesn’t.

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Sorry if I tagged you and you only wanted to be tagged in the I wanna be yours series! I'll be posting very soon there. Please let me know if you don't want to be tagged in part two of The Limo Driver so I can remove you! <3

Also I don't remember who started calling Jake fancanon cat Viejita but please all credit to them!

[christinalvjyy]

haii!!! i have a request for a fic if you’re willing to write it!

so wilbur lives in an apartment and has a roommate, but there’s a lot of tension there because they don’t get along the greatest. wilbur really likes them, and they like him as well, but since they don’t get along, they don’t say anything until he accidentally admits it during an argument!!!! and then they do things 😛

also can i be 🎸 anon?

hii, this request was AMAZING!!

(ofc you can be 🎸 anon!)

"Did you just confess?"

Roommate!wilbur x gn!reader

Afab!reader

Cw: fighting (not really), sex

(THIS IS MY FIRST EVER FIC!!! I'm sorry if it's kinda sloppy)

Ever since you moved out from your parents, you didn't have that much money to buy a house. You decided to rent out an apartment with a roommate until you get out of college, and that roommate, of course, is Wilbur soot.

You never really liked him, and neither did he. You'd always fight over stupid things and cause huge ruckuses. It was stupid, honestly. These past 2 years have been hell. No one has ever seen you get along with him.

You couldn't ignore that he was a very handsome man. You loved the way his fluffy Brown curves fell over his face, his super sharp jawline, his amazing hands, and you can't forget that sexy accent. You always tried pushing those thoughts away, since you both "hated" eachother,right?

Today was just like any day. You and Wilbur were fighting in the kitchem on who gets to pay this months rent. Usually, you wouldn't fight about it, but now, you didn't have a single penny in your wallet.

"Wilbur, I can't pay for this months rent!! Don't be fucking stupid! I've been paying when I have to! Do me a solid favor and pay this months!" You yelled as he knew that you struggled economically.

"Do you think that I give two shits? It's obviously your turn! I can not be paying the fucking bills whenever you can't afford it! Get a job, y/n! It's not that difficult! I am not some slave that gets to pay the rent whenever you can't!" Wilbur looked furious. This wasn't even a huge fucking deal, yet he made it like it was.

"Wilbur, you know I'd pay it back! I get that you don't like me, but please do me this solid favor... for once..please?" You begged as you were about to tear up. You couldn't lose this apartment, yet him. Even though he annoyed you, you secretly liked his company,but you'd never admit that, of course.

"Pardon? Where'd you get that idea that I don't like you? I fucking love you-! I know I've been shouting nonstop, but I- I didn't know how to express my fee-" you cut him off as your lips smashed against his. Before he had time to react, your tongue slipped inside his mouth. He gripped on your hips tight,so tight that they might bruise. He kissed you passionately, hungrily, like he's been yearning this for so so long. After what felt like hours, you pulled away to breath, but Wilbur had other plans. He started kissing your neck hungrily, making bug purple marks. You moaned as he found your sweet spot. He continued licking and sucking the same spot, loving th sounds you made. "Mmh- wilbur-!" You choked out as you whined.

"Oh, baby, I haven't even started yet." Wilbur grinned as he lifted you up easily and went to his room.

All these years that youve lived with him, he never allowed you to step foot into his room. It looked cozy, but a few clothes scattered here and there.

Wilbur put you down on the bed as he started stripping. "Well,cmon. Strip." He commanded. You didn't even hesitate as you started removing the layers on your body. Wilbur was fully naked, but had his boxers on. It's like he was teasing you. He climbed on top of you as he started trailing wet kisses all around your naked form. You moaned from pleasure as you gripped on his fluffy Brown hair for stability. The man made you weak on your knees even if he just glared at you.

He stopped kissing your body, and looked at you dead in the eye while removing his boxers. He slowly climbed on top on you, lining himself up. "Fuck,baby, are you ready?" He said as you nodded eagerly. He slowly pushed himself inside of you as you let out a loud gruttal moan. Your eyes rolled back to your hear as you gripped on his shoulders. He really was huge. "Oh, bloody 'ell, that pussy was made just for me... so tight and so pretty..." he praised as be groaned. He put a hand on your stomach, feeling his bulge as he started moving. You couldn't take it anymore, he felt so amazing. Your only reaction was to moan or whine. He ruined you. Wilbur kept on thrusting in you, and by every second he moved even faster. "Oh,oh,sweetheart,oh, oh, you're sooo good.. youre being such a good girl, ain't that right?" He moaned as his other hand went up to your breast, playing with the nipple. You whined at the connection and couldn't speak. "I need words, darling! Speak t-to me!" The older man said as he moved even faster. "A-ah-! Wilbur! S-so good.. im close!" You said as your nails went to the sheets of the bed.

Wilburs movements became sloppy as he himself got close. "Okay, okay,mmh.. on the count of three.. we release together.. " You nodded as your head fell back from the absolute ecstacy you were feeling.

1...2...3.. and you both came. The room was filled with pants from the both of you. Wilbur collapsed on top of you and closed his eyes. "That- that was amazing..." Wilbur said as he nuzzled his face on your shoulder.

"Soooo.. you gonna pay for this months rent?" You said as he giggled and nodded.

[vigilante-fangirl]

Heroes Guide to Parenting

Adrian Chase/Vigilante x Reader Prompt: Surprise you're pregnant! What will you tell the team? What are you going to tell Adrian?!

Warnings: Reader is AFAB, Pregnancy, Cursing and Spoilers for season 1 finale of peacemaker in later chapters

The early morning at the headquarters of the office record store was shrouded in a quiet atmosphere. While everyone else busied themselves with typing on their computers or fine-tuning their weapons after a grueling mission, you found yourself slumped on the office couch, clad in your hero costume, feeling utterly miserable. "Ughhh! Kill meee!" you whined, the intensity of your complaint earning you a pen thrown by Harcourt, which ended up hitting your nose.

"Fucking shut UP!" Harcourt snapped, her patience wearing thin. "You've been complaining nonstop since we got back from the mission! Either go home or sit up and keep quiet." She punctuated her reprimand with a piercing glare. Before you could retort to her harsh words, an overwhelming wave of nausea surged through your body. The sensation hit you like a freight train, and you sprinted out of the room in a desperate bid to reach the bathroom, where you found yourself violently vomiting. Confusion spread among your teammates as they exchanged perplexed glances, unsure of what had just transpired.

"She's been sick for the last couple of weeks," Adebayo voiced her concern, closing her laptop and cringing at the distressing sounds emanating from the bathroom.

"Yeah, but only in the mornings?" Vigilante chimed in absentmindedly, engrossed in the task of polishing his throwing knives. "She's usually back to normal by the afternoon, so no big deal."

"Speak for yourself, dude!" Economos snapped at Vigilante, seated uncomfortably in a shirt that was a size too small. "Your girlfriend friggin' threw up on me while we were in the van! Now I have to wear this!" He grumbled, spinning around in his chair to point at a shopping bag filled with vomit-stained clothes. His now shirt being the only thing from the lost and found.

"She's not my girlfriend! Did... did she say she was my girlfriend?" Adrian questioned with an awkward grin, finally lifting his gaze from his previous preoccupation. However, his smile quickly faded as he registered the disappointed expressions on his teammates' faces.

"I don't know, man. Maybe we should check on her? This isn't normal for her to be this sick," Adebayo suggested sympathetically, her gaze fixed on the closed bathroom door, brimming with concern

"Listen, I've known (Y/L/N) for years. She's fine. She gets sick all the time, but she toughs it out. Now let's get back to work," Harcourt declared, gesturing towards the cluttered desks and piles of paperwork. However, her words fell on deaf ears as the team members continued their discussion about what could be wrong with you.

"Well, she has been moodier lately," Vigilante chimed in, his mind wandering as he recalled recent events.

Economos, leaning back in his chair and clicking his pen, sneered. "Like how she suplexed Peacemaker the other day just for asking if her costume got tighter."

Peacemaker, who glared at Economos for his comment, couldn't resist adding a quip. "Whatever, baby tee! She got lucky! She's so little I didn't see her coming. Like an angry lil Oompa Loompa."

Economos pulled down the small shirt, silenced by Peacemaker's remark. Peacemaker then turned to Vigilante. 

"Nah, bro, but  (Y/L/N) has been aggro lately. Remember that patrol we had a week ago?"

The scene shifted to a vivid flashback.

You stood atop a dog walker, mercilessly curb stomping the guy into the ground. Vigilante and Peacemaker watched, torn between concern and awe. While Peacemaker wondered when to intervene, Vigilante's gaze remained fixed on you, as if you had stolen his heart.

"I think you got him, bro?" Peacemaker offered tentatively. "Plus, I don't think he did anything illegal—"

"He yanked the poor puppy and then didn't pick up its poop! Animal abuse and littering?!" You interjected, halting your assault momentarily to pull the guy up by his hair.

"I didn't see the shit!" he sobbed, hoping for some leniency as you dropped him and resumed your relentless attack.

"Too baddd!" you yelled, your voice filled with a mixture of anger and satisfaction.

The flashback ended abruptly, and the team returned to the present, the memory of your intense outburst lingering in the air.

"Yeah! That was so hot!" Vigilante chuckled, lost in his thoughts as he reminisced about that night. His comment earned a groan from the team, prompting him to quickly clarify, "I meant it in a friend way, guys!" He course-corrected, fully aware that you would have his head if the group discovered the true nature of both of your late-night shenanigans.

Harcourt wished she could drown out the team's conversation, but a sudden realization struck her like a truck. "Wait? Nausea only in the morning? Constant mood swings? Is she... tired all the time?" she asked Vigilante, who looked at her with a puzzled expression.

"Yeah? She sleeps a lot after patrols! It's kind of cute as she—" Vigilante's words were cut off by Harcourt's interruption.

"Shut it!" she snapped, then turned to Adebayo, her eyes wide with hope to confirm her suspicions. Adebayo looked at her, initially perplexed, before her eyes widened in realization, her hand covering her mouth in surprise. Economos and Peacemaker were the last two to connect the dots, apart from Vigilante, who stood there utterly confused. They all knew there was something between you and Vigilante, some kind of relationship, but they were not aware the extent to it’s intimate nature. From the way you wore his clothes after missions to how he constantly hovered near you like a lost puppy, it was evident that there was more to your connection.

A heavy silence fell upon the office until it was shattered by the loud, sickening sound of your vomiting from the bathroom. Peacemaker burst into laughter, collapsing onto the table, while Economos joined in, unable to contain his amusement as he looked at Vigilante.Harcourt and Adebayo sighed in exasperation at the team's reactions.

"I can't believe that idiot, and by you of all people," Harcourt muttered, rubbing her temples in annoyance as she pointed at Adrian.

"Didn't you guys, you know... use protection?" Adebayo asked sheepishly, prompting Peacemaker to laugh even louder.

Vigilante looked rather confused for a moment before attempting to recall the details.

Another Flashback

You had convinced Adrian to accompany you to Walmart to run errands, despite his initial reluctance. After all, you believed it was something a proper boyfriend should do. As you pushed the shopping cart, Adrian's attention seemed to drift away, his gaze fixed on you as you playfully brushed the hair from your face while cracking a joke. Little by little, he started noticing the subtle things you did, like how you loved wearing his hoodies, which he intentionally bought extra baggy just so you would swim in them. Adrian couldn't help but smile as you continued talking, occasionally lifting the hoodie to hide the various hickeys that adorned your neck. His eyes wandered down, noticing the tight yoga shorts hugging your hips, and the way they accentuated your curves. Lost in a daze, his thoughts converged on that very moment when the shorts rode up, revealing the curve of your ass.

"Condoms!" Adrian suddenly blurted out, his voice echoing through the aisle as he remembered what he needed. You spun around, desperately trying to shush him as disapproving glances from nearby moms were cast in your direction. 

"W-what, Adr?" you asked, looking around in confusion."Condoms! That's what I was trying to remember!" Adrian grinned, his usual goofiness on full display as he guided the cart towards the family planning section. He was about to grab a box when you smacked his hand, causing it to drop.

 "Ow! (Y/n), what the hell?" he protested, rubbing his hand and looking at you as if you were insane.

"Look at that price, babe! $11.99 for a box? That's too expensive!" you argued, placing the box back on the shelf.

"But you have some shower stuff that costs, like, $79 in the cart," he pointed out, reaching for the box again, only to receive another slap. This back-and-forth continued, with Adrian growing increasingly frustrated after each slap.

"(Y/N)!" he finally exclaimed, his annoyance evident in his voice, but you stood your ground, crossing your arms.

 "I refuse to pay that amount, Adrian! Besides, we don't even need those! God's got me!" you declared confidently, catching sight of a shelf displaying the new squishmallows. Adrian had intended to argue further, but as you ran over to the shelf, his attention was once again diverted by your hoodie riding up, revealing more of your enchanting figure.

The flashback came to an end, and the team returned to the present. 

Adrian's eyes widened in shock as he finally pieced everything together. Peacemaker, still laughing almost breathlessly, couldn't contain himself upon hearing the story.

"God... got me?" Harcourt and Adebayo both yelled in disbelief, their exasperation evident. "Both of you are idiots," Harcourt muttered, shooting glares at the closed bathroom door. She had expected this kind of behavior from Vigilante, but not from you.

Peacemaker attempted to catch his breath, jokingly remarking, "Aw, looks like thimble's little soldiers can still hit their target!" However, the gravity of the situation quickly sank in for Vigilante. 

"Dude! This is serious! N-no way, right? She would have told me!" he exclaimed, grappling with the reality that if you were indeed pregnant, you hadn't been dating for that long. The question of what he would do next weighed heavily on his mind as he turned towards the bathroom door, calling out your name with urgency.

The scene shifted to an hour ago, with you trembling inside the bathroom. You had pretended to be sick, using it as an opportunity to test the waters. From your cloak, you produced a box of pregnancy tests, investing a hefty $17.99 in ensuring the accuracy of the results. 

With a feverish haste, you tore open the box, causing the tests to clatter onto the floor. Hastily unzipping your costume and discarding the cloak, you sat on the toilet seat, nervously fumbling for one of the tests and scanning the torn instructions.As you peed on the blue stick, you placed it on the counter, praying fervently for the next three minutes. Your pleas to the heavens mirrored those of a sinner seeking redemption in church, as you shut your eyes tightly. The moment arrived, and you cautiously retrieved the test, squinting to discern the results. Two bright blue lines stared back at you.

"Like hell I am!" you exclaimed defiantly, discarding the test and grabbing another one. Once again, after three minutes had passed, two blue lines appeared before your eyes.

“....fuck.” is all you could say before a wave of nausea hit you causing you to actually vomit. 

[cdroloisms]

How about 4, 16, 29?

4. What's your favorite c!Dream scene?

Yeah I'm a filthy prison c!awesamdream lover so to literally no one's surprise I'm bringing up the post-Techno escape c!Sam and c!Dream stream in the prison. Look it's the literal only stream we ever got of the two of them in the prison with Sam as the Warden and Dream as the prisoner after they were teasing that shit for over half a year can you even blame me. It incited the worst round of c!Sam apologism known to man. I wrote a thread for six hours on twitter once going insane about it. It made cc!Sam all but expose Staged Finale in a QnA thread like the next day. Apparently they were gatekeeping secret prison warden roleplay the whole ass time and this like one 20 minute scene is all we ended up getting and it still bounces around my brain nonstop like a pinball. What more can you ask for

29. Which emotion do you think rules c!Dream the most?

Fear. By and large. He's so afraid that literally everything got twisted in on itself. Like, god.

L'manburg + the revolution starts w/ c!Dream reacting to c!Wilbur with a. Honestly. Pretty healthy level of apprehension for a guy literally threatening him and his home. This leads to the establishment of the mythos (with c!Dream-as-tyrant-monster-villain as one of its cornerstones) which leads to the slowly growing isolation from c!Dream towards his home and friends (stares directly at how c!Tommy described Exile and c!Dream saying he's scared to be alone. screams.) This is what gives us a c!Dream who has honestly had Quite A Damn Few changes of heart at the beginning of pogtopia pledging his allegiance to Wilbur after c!Schlatt quite evidently scares the shit out of him. Then Vassal happens, he's locked into Wilbur's narrative, he speedruns through ANOTHER bunch of changes of heart (and these two as a collective is what leads to his isolation by the time we get to november 16th onwards, such as when we get to dethronement and c!Quackity is commenting on how c!Dream doesn't have anyone, such as when we look at c!Wilbur confidently asserting that c!dream has nobody if not wilbur) and then the revive book deal just. Fucking shatters him.

He's scared of the supernatural that he doesn't understand and he's scared of the people that he DOES understand (and what he understands is simple: they want him six feet under) and he's grappling with the fact that the world is breaking around him and that he-is-the-villain-the-snake-pure-evil-and-he-has-always-been and every allyship he has is founded on transaction because what other leverage does he have if not what he can give and he puts himself in a fucking obsidian box because the world beyond it is too much of a threat to his life and the man he trusted to keep him safe hurts him and lets others hurt him in ways he couldn't have imagined. he's so fucking scared by the end of things that he can't leave the torture box that literally destroyed him.

c!Dream and it's not paranoia if They're Actually Out To Get You...put me down...god it's just fear all the way down All The Way Down and he was still trying to figure out how to Fix Death and Reset The World To Save It From Corruption because at the end of the day he was so damn scared of being alone. i frow up

[dc-sideblog]

"Cass and Jason are twins" BUT they are bio through Lady Shiva and Willis Todd

Cass as a human trafficking victim sold at infancy

Shiva fucking lied to Cain and scammed him and that's why he got one kid and not two. She sold her daughter because she knew his intentions and wanted a successor just as badly as he did, if not moreso

Didn't sell Jason because the deal wasn't good enough

Dumps Jason on Willis and goes back on her merry way

Years later Jason finds a smudged birth certificate and Sandra Woosan's contact info on Willis's phone. He tracks her down and-- lo and behold-- gets betrayed and killed

Cass has been nonstop suffering this whole time

She's currently with the League of Assassins. Don't ask how they got her after she ran away as a kid. Just know that she hates herself atm and has never known life without violence. She may genuinely think this is as good as life can get. For her anyway

Shes a personal guard for the al Ghul family because obviously they want the best and also they can't get her to kill, so a protection detail is perfect. Cass takes out any threat and then Ra's swoops in to finish them and pretends it's a vengeance/honor thing and not because he doesn't have complete control over the One Who Is All

Enter Jason, back from the dead with a severe brain injury, and one of the only other kids in the League. Super weird how he kinda looks like Cass

Jason is offended by every aspect of Cass's situation, even before the Pit dunk. Why is she here when she's a kid. Where are her parents. She looks sad.

He can't really express all that verbally but Cass is touched to her core by it. She is also really curious about him in general and keeps an eye out, as much as she can

Jason's fucking incensed after the Pit dunk but he hides it for sneaky reasons

Shiva stops by Nanda Parbat for whatever reason and is like lmao and spills everything to Talia, who is delighted

Talia naturally arranges a blood match between them the next day and tells Jason literally as it's beginning

Cass watches, enthralled, as he cycles through the entire human emotional spectrum in under ten seconds

They fight and she kicks his ass. A match to first blood against her is quick and almost painless. It's so easy it's boring to watch

Jason is still pretending everything is normal and fine and convinced Talia to loan Cass out to him for his big Gotham revenge plot. She sees right through this but frankly doesn't care. This won't affect Damian's eventual introduction, and Jason really could use someone watching his back anyway

Cass is not thrilled with the Red Hood's methods, however. And unlike taking on the entire League of Assassins, she really can prevent him from killing people. And worst of all, she can see that he wants to protect Crime Alley as his ultimate goal, it's literally just methodology that she has a problem with

Red Hood keeps trying to ditch her and tell her she's free now and can leave. Cass understands what he's going for perfectly well and Does Not Care. Fuck him and fuck his guns. She is in his apartment now and he can't get rid of her

Cass does HORRIBLE things like rescuing all his victims and arguing with him constantly, which is really a feat to watch as she can't talk, and she shows up at all of his drug dealer meetings

Jason is pissed that she's undermining his authority but this situation looks very different to outsider Gothamites. People are scared shitless of the two of them. They're acting like Bats if the Bats were evil. Like yeah that guy lived but holy fuck

The sibling squabbling is barely a blip on the radar as people are too busy fleeing in terror

Actual Gotham Bats have no clue how they should address this. Do they arrest them? Recruit them? What the hell is going on here

Red Hood and the Shadow have overtaken Crime Alley completely but every update Jason gives to Talia is him complaining incessantly and her suppressing laughter at his embarrassing failures

of course they'd love to have Cass back in Nanda Parbat, why doesn't Jason just put her on a plane and send her? :-)

Unrelated but he jokingly called her Cassandra after the same Greek myth Barbara named her after but then it stuck. Literature nerd Jason rights. Like yeah he was being sarcastic. But also she was as old as he was and in all those years no one has cared enough about this girl to even give her a name

She's his twin

Cass doesn't know about the concept of twins until she is 18 years old in Gotham and sees a pair of identical kids for the first time. Jason gets really excited and immediately gestures between the two kids and then between the two of them

No magic man comes along and scrambles Cass's brain in this one. She simply has a receptive-expressive language disability and lives with it. Started out using a picture board when they first got there but then Jason did some research and learned about AAC devices. Now Cass has a high tech tablet with an AAC program

It has so many words and they're all hers and she can use them whenever she wants. It's easy too, she just presses a button and bam, talking

Later on she gets AAC programming embedded into her suit's wrist computer. The Shadow's voice is carefully designed to be as terrifying as possible

Jason will go on a big melodramatic monologue speech and Cass will catch none of it except *mildly annoyed*. This happens twice a week

They cook together a lot and spar together and go to plays, because Cass can appreciate theater acting in a way she can't with TV. Jason is so glad he finally has a sibling with taste

This segues into Cass discovering ballet and also wordless animation like Tom & Jerry type stuff

Normally taking a break from working the Mission full-time is not something the Red Hood would ever do but if he doesn't have civilian pursuits then Cass won't either so looks like they're both gonna have to be mentally healthy :/

Yeah I don't know how or if they end up integrating with the rest of the Waynes/Bats. But I think this would be fun and good for both of them

[ravenclaw-writes]

Remus' Impromptu Study Break

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Sirius Black

Description:

"Sod off Pads, I'm mad at you," Remus decided his best way out would just be to go have a shower. He got out of the bed, picking up his pyjama bottoms to hold in front of his crotch.

"Me? What did I do?" Sirius asked, blocking the door to the bathroom, cocking an eyebrow.

"You know what you did, wanker," Remus tried to push past.

"Oh, so I'm the wanker, huh?" Sirius smirked and Remus was getting tired of having to deal with him. All he wanted was a day to catch up with his studies.

"I was trying to study, and you just had to distract me. So yes, I'm mad." Remus huffed, but Sirius' smirk did not disappear.

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"I - what?" This caught Remus off guard.

Word Count: 5,603

Original Publish Date: 2021-03-29

A/N: Hello! I've been putting all my writing on AO3 but had someone ask me if I had a tumblr so I thought it was time to start putting my things on other platforms! This is the first one I posted, a couple years back now, which in itself is CRAZY. If you haven't read it yet, hope you like! Feel free to check out my other works, I like to think my writing has gotten better since posting this one. I'm going to be putting them here or you can hop over to my AO3 :)

| MASTERLIST IN BIO |

| Read on AO3 |

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It was the tail end of seventh year, NEWTs were quickly approaching and Remus Lupin was spending every free second in the Library. It had reached the point where Madam Pince had given up on getting him to clean up over the weekend, the table at the back with the best window was officially Remus’. Occasionally the other marauders would stop by “to do some studying”. However, they mostly ended up just fucking around and Remus was having none of it. Banned from being within earshot of the table (“That’s not fair, Moony, you have super-hearing!”), Remus only allowed the 5th years he tutored to join him, and even then, during scheduled hours of the day.

The only exception to this rule, and not by choice, was Sirius Black. Remus simply couldn’t help himself around the other boy. They were both eighteen now, and Remus had been helpless in love with him since third year. Specifically, the oh fuck moment happened in Potions class when Sirius put his hair up in a bun, held together by his wand. Sirius had smiled in a cocky way that could only be translated into tada! and Remus was done for. Five years later, Remus still found himself dreaming of that stupid smile.

“Why does Padfoot get to study with you?” James whined, catching the two of them walking out of the Library.

“Because, Prongs, he knows how to keep his mouth shut, like a good boy,” Remus shot back.

“Moony just likes me best, what can I say, the man has good taste!” Sirius teased, trying to hide the way his cheeks had flushed. That was another thing Remus loved about him. His fair skin was never able to hide his emotions. Remus, on the other hand, was able to keep his cool a little better, despite the fact that yeah, he did like Sirius the best. So much so that James, or even Peter for that matter, would never be able to compete.

The three of them walked back to the Common Room together, James and Sirius bickering nonstop with Remus trailing behind. He didn’t mind it though. He liked seeing Sirius smile and laugh the way he always did with James. It was one of the few times that Remus ever saw Sirius so carefree. He wanted to be able to do that with him. Joke around, touch without worrying, look without feeling like he was overstepping, push a loose strand of hair behind his ear, glance at lips and then to eyes, lean down and - Merlin’s balls he was fucked. Or, well, more like not fucked.

They reached the Common Room, gave the password, and stepped through the portrait hole. James and Sirius were still in their own world and continued through the room and up the stairs to their dorm. Remus didn’t follow and instead headed to the couch in front of the fire and flopped his whole body down, face-first into a pillow, letting out a groan of frustration.

“That bad, huh?” Startled, Remus turned his head away from the pillow and found Lily sitting in the armchair across from him.

“Thought I was alone,” he replied, turning himself over so he was lying on his back.

“Thought as much. I was about to put the kettle on, fancy a cuppa?” Remus heard Lily close the book she was reading.

“Please,” Remus answered. He watched as the kettle lifted off the ground and hung itself on the hook above the fire.

“Anything in particular on your mind? Perhaps someone whose name rhymes with Birius Slack?” Lily teased. She was the only person who knew of Remus’ predicament. Being the brightest witch of their year, she was able to put two and two together back in fifth year when Remus was going through his holy-shit-Sirius-has-gorgeous-hands phase. After cornering him between classes and promising not to tell a single soul Remus confessed. Thankfully, because if he had to keep all his feelings about Sirius locked up with the rest of his everyday feelings he probably would have done something stupid like snog him senseless at a Quidditch afterparty.

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive, Lils,” Remus sighed, rubbing his hands over his face.

“You know how I feel about the whole situation,” Lily replied.

“Yeah, I know, tell him how I feel. I just, I can’t. What if it completely backfires? He said he wants us to find a place together. I can’t imagine Peter joining us, and obviously, you and James will be together so it would just be the two of us. I can’t say no to him Lil, I …” Remus trailed off.

Lily sighed as the kettle hissed. Remus saw the cabinet beside the fire open and two mugs floated out. Teabags in, the kettle poured hot water into the mugs. Lily picked them up and carried them over to Remus. She passed him one and lifted up his legs so she could join him on the couch. “I think you really should just go for it, Remus. Even if he doesn’t feel the same I don’t think he would be weird about it,” She toyed with the string of her teabag.

Remus sat up a bit, his feet resting on her lap. “I think I enjoy not knowing more than embarrassing myself when he turns me down,” He said into his mug.

Lily ran her free hand over his shins. “Who’s to say he would turn you down?”

————————

“Afternoon, Moons!” Sirius sing-songed, dropping his books loudly on the table. Remus groaned in response.

“I thought you went to Hogsmeade,” Remus sighed, putting his quill down.

“Can’t get rid of me that easily!” Sirius laughed, taking the first book off the stack he brought with him. Remus sighed. James, Lily, Peter, and evidently not Sirius, were all going on the Hogsmeade trip today and he was hoping to get some uninterrupted studying done. Apparently, the universe had something else in mind. “I didn’t want you to have to spend the day by yourself,” Sirius added.

“Funny, because that’s exactly what I wanted,” Remus said under his breath. Sirius chuckled, unphased.

“Fine, fine. I’ll stay quiet. You won’t even know I’m here,” Sirius made a motion of locking his lips and throwing away the key. Remus let his eyes linger on Sirius’ lips.

Remus shook his head a little, picking his quill back up. He heard Sirius open his book and stole a glance at him. Remus knew right away that he was not going to be able to get any work done. The sun was shining through the window behind Sirius, a soft glow around him. His eyes were focused on the page he was reading, his tongue pressed between his lips in concentration. He kept pushing his hair behind his ears and it kept falling back into his face. Remus longed to reach over and tuck the strand back in place.

In another cruel twist of fate, Remus watched as Sirius picked his wand up off the table. He put it in his mouth, and with his now free hands started to gather his hair to the top of his head, eyes not leaving the page in front of him. Remus watched practiced hands twirl the hair into a bun, and he drew a sharp breath as Sirius took the wand out of his mouth and stuck it through the bun, just like in third year. Sirius sighed and stretched his neck from left to right, letting out a quiet groan each time it cracked. Regrettably, the sound went straight to Remus’ dick. Now he really wasn’t going to get any work done.

“Enjoying the show?” Remus was shaken out of his thoughts of running back to the dorm for a wank while that sound was still fresh in his mind. His eyes focused back on reality and met Sirius’. He had an eyebrow raised and a playful smirk on his lips. Remus tried to stutter out a response when Sirius laughed. “Only teasing you, Moony. Pretty cool isn’t it?” He motioned to his hair. “I figured it out in-”

“Third year, I know,” Remus finished. Sirius flushed and Remus prayed that he didn’t look the same.

“Third year, yeah,” Sirius said softly, nodding his head slightly. His tongue darted out and slowly wet his lips. Remus lightly bit down on his own. Their eyes stayed locked.

“Remus!” Broken out of their trance, Remus turned his head in the direction of the voice to find a fifth year headed his way. Remus smiled and waved. Remus couldn’t remember his name but recognized his face from one of his group tutor sessions from last week when he was helping fifth years from various houses with their OWL studies. The boy made his way over to the table and Remus suddenly got worried that he was going to ask for help. This wasn’t one of the times he had set aside to tutor, he had his own studies to worry about. “Hey, Remus, not at Hogsmeade today?” Great, small talk.

“Nah, I have a bunch of essays to do,” Remus answered, motioning to the towers of books he had on the table.

“Yeah, same here. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for last week, I finally understood was Binns has been going on about,” The fifth year smiled and Remus didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Oh yeah? Glad I could help!” Merlin, Remus thought, why am I so bloody awkward? There was a pause, and Remus thought that perhaps the fifth year also sensed the awkwardness.

“Well, uh, are you planning on going to Hogsmeade next time? I’ll buy you a butterbeer, to say thanks?” The fifth year started scratching at his arm.

“Oh, cheers, but I don’t know if I’ll be going, depends on how much I have to do,” Remus answered.

“Oh, yeah, understandable. I’ll uh, see you ‘round, yeah?” The fifth year was getting red in the face, and quickly left.

Remus turned back to face Sirius. He looked like he was trying to hold in his laughter. “What’s wrong with you?” Remus asked, picking up his quill.

“He just asked you out, idiot.”

Remus looked up. “No, he didn’t, he just wanted to say thank you and …” Remus trailed off. Oh. He scanned Sirius’ face and broke out into a grin. “What are you, jealous, Padfoot?” He teased, but secretly hoped that the answer would be yes.

“I need to go find a book,” Sirius said, standing up.

Remus blinked a few times, taken aback. “I was only kidding, Sirius -” Remus didn’t finish his thought, Sirius was already walking away.

Remus shook his head and slowly got up from his chair, deciding to follow Sirius. He had brought all his books with him though, what could he possibly need that Remus also didn’t already have on the table? Confused, and worried he’d somehow offended him, Remus started walking in the direction that Sirius had gone. The rows of bookshelves started to blend together and Sirius had disappeared. He turned to look down an aisle and saw Sirius pacing, running his hands over his face. “Sirius?”

Sirius stopped moving and looked up to meet Remus’ eyes. Remus looked around, confused. “Sirius, this is the Herbology section, you haven’t taken this since-”

Remus was unable to finish his sentence. Sirius cut him off by walking up to Remus and forcefully pressing his lips against the other boy’s. Remus’ eyes widened, his arms flailed around a bit before registered that, ok, this is really happening. Apparently, it took too long for him to come to his senses because Sirius started to pull away. Not happy with that decision, Remus reached for Sirius’ tie and pulled him closer, the other hand resting on Sirius’ waist. Remus felt him smile into the kiss. It was better than his daydreams, kissing Sirius. Their mouths moved together and soon Sirius was snaking his arms around Remus’ torso. Things began to heat up fairly quickly and Remus needed to be as close as possible to Sirius. Hands on his waist, Remus walked them a few steps until Sirius hit one of the bookshelves. Remus pressed him there, slotting his leg between Sirius’. Sirius let out a low moan and moved his hands further up Remus’ back. Remus responded by biting down on Sirius’ lip, generating a needy whine that made Remus question how he could have lived without hearing it. However, the moment was short lived as the clicking of Madame Pince’s shoes began to approach and Remus quickly removed himself from Sirius. Huh, Remus thought. Who knew it just took a little jealousy to get into Black’s pants.

Sirius stayed pressed against the bookshelf, face red, lips puffy, hair falling out of the bun. He looked exactly how one might look after a heated makeout session in the back of a library. Remus let his eyes travel down and land on the outline of Sirius’ semi. Fuck.

Sirius smirked, catching his breath as Madame Pince leaned her head into the aisle. “Finding everything ok, boys?”

“Yeah, perfect, thanks!” Remus responded quickly at the same time that Sirius gave her a thumbs up. Madame Pince nodded and continued walking.

Sirius chuckled and removed himself from the bookshelf. “Come on then, I don’t think they have the book I’m looking for,” Sirius smirked and left the aisle.

Remus, dumbfounded, took a moment to collect his thoughts, and calm his dick, before returning back to the table. Sirius was already there, book open, chewing on the base of his wand. He did that a lot, Remus found it both disgusting and incredibly hot. There was absolutely no way that he was going to be able to get back into his studies with Sirius just casually sitting there after what just happened. “I, uh, think I left something back in the common room, I’ll be back in a bit,” He lied.

Sirius looked up, wand still in his mouth. “Want me to come with you?” He asked. No, no, that was the last thing Remus wanted. Or, well, maybe the first.

“No, I just need to get my Transfiguration book, I’ll be quick,” Remus scrambled, wanting to leave as soon as possible.

Sirius shrugged and went back to reading. Remus sighed and made a beeline to Gryffindor Tower.

————————

Remus made it to the Common Room and kept up the quick pace as he climbed the stair to the dorms. He heard laughs coming from the girls’ dorms upstairs and hoped that his friends were still out at Hogsmeade. Finally, back in the comfort of his dorm, he made sure no one else was in the room before flopping down on his bed. How had he managed to get himself in this situation? Snogging Sirius in the Library of all places? Snogging Sirius, period? Remus closed his eyes, trying to relive the moment again. Sirius had felt so good pressed against him. So much better than he thought possible. And then, nothing. Sirius just went back to normal as if nothing had changed.

Of course he did, Remus thought. I’m just reading into it too much. Remus ran his hands over his face and through his hair. He thought back to the sounds Sirius had made and felt himself twitch in his trousers. Ah yes, the real reason he came back to the dorm. Remus was a little embarrassed that he had to duck back for a wank after a simple kiss, but here he was. He ran his hands down his chest and over his growing bulge, imagining it was Sirius’ long fingers instead of his own. Remus decided he was mad at Sirius. How dare he kiss him like that and leave him hot and bothered when he was meant to be studying. Remus untucked his shirt and undid his belt. He started on the button of his trousers when the door to the dorm burst open.

“Moony, you absolute muppet, you already had your Transfiguration book there -” Sirius froze and Remus quickly tried to pull the bed curtains closed. “Oh ho, what do we have here?” Sirius teased, yanking the curtains back open.

“Sod off Pads, I’m mad at you,” Remus decided his best way out would just be to go have a shower. He got out of the bed, picking up his pyjama bottoms to hold in front of his crotch.

“Me? What did I do?” Sirius asked, blocking the door to the bathroom, cocking an eyebrow.

“You know what you did, wanker,” Remus tried to push past.

“Oh, so I’m the wanker, huh?” Sirius smirked and Remus was getting tired of having to deal with him. All he wanted was a day to catch up with his studies.

“I was trying to study, and you just had to distract me. So yes, I’m mad,” Remus huffed, but Sirius’ smirk did not disappear.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“I- what?” This caught Remus off guard.

“I said,” Sirius took a step forward, Remus took one back. “What,” another step forward, “Are you,” another step, “Going to,” another step, Remus’ back hit one of the posts of his bed, “Do about it?” Sirius cocked his head to the side, egging him on.

Remus’ eyes darted from Sirius’ to his lips. He watched as Sirius slowly ran his tongue over his bottom lip. Fuck it.

Remus reached out and grabbed Sirius’ face and quickly brought their lips together. The kiss quickly picked up from where it left off in the Library. Sirius’ lips were incredibly soft but Remus was still heated about being thrown off his study schedule. The kiss was sloppy and full of tongue and Remus was loving it. He let his hands leave Sirius’ face and trail down his chest to grip his hips. Remus bit down on Sirius’ bottom lip, desperate to hear that sinful noise again. Sirius did not disappoint.

Desperate to be closer, Remus pulled Sirius’ hips against his and was happily met with another moan. Sirius was hard. He was really hard. Motivated by this, Remus quickly changed their positions so it was Sirius pressed against the bedpost and frantically started untucking Sirius’ shirt. He broke the kiss to start unbuttoning it and at the same time Sirius loosed his tie and pulled it over his head. Once unbuttoned Remus attached his mouth to Sirius’ neck. “Fuuuuck, Moons, pinch me, I need to make sure I’m not dreaming,” Remus chuckled and bit down on Sirius’ neck. With a sharp intake of breath followed by a moan Sirius smiled. “That works too.”

Remus kept moving lower, leaving a trail of kisses as he went. He reached his hands to Sirius’ shoulders and started urging him out of his shirt. Sirius quickly got the message and it soon joined the tie on the floor. Continuing his descent, Remus flicked his tongue over Sirius’ nipple. This elicited a very pleasant reaction from Sirius and Remus filed that information away for future use. Soon, Remus was at Sirius’ navel, knees on the ground. He paused when he reached the top of Sirius’ trousers and looked up. “This ok?” He asked.

“Merlin’s beard, yes, don’t stop now I think I’ll die,” Remus had never seen Sirius so flustered.

“Just checking,” Remus said, undoing Sirius’ belt and trousers. He undid the zipper and slowly pulled them down so they pooled at his ankles. Remus brought his attention back to the task at hand started mouthing at Sirius’ clothed dick.

“Mmm, Moony, please,” Sirius moaned and Remus hooked his fingers under the waistband of Sirius’ underwear and slowly pulled them down.

“Only because you asked so nicely,” He teased, but this only resulted in another moan.

Sirius’ dick sprung free and Remus licked his lips. He figured Sirius was big, and he was not mistaken. Remus watched as a bead of precum slowly dripped down, and couldn’t hold back his own moan. “Fuck, Pads.”

Slowly, Remus licked a stripe up the underside of Sirius’ dick. Hands quickly made their way into Remus’ hair and gripped tightly. Remus stole a glance up at Sirius. His eyes were squeezed shut, his bottom lip caught between teeth. It was quite the sight. Thankful for the summer fling he had after fifth year, Remus was eager to put the tricks he had learned to good use.

Remus continued to mouth at Sirius’ dick, revelling in the sounds it elicited from Sirius. He slowly put the tip in his mouth, tasting the salty precum. “Hnnnggg,” Sirius made a sort of strangled sound and his grip on Remus’ hair tightened. Remus moaned in approval and lowered his mouth around more of Sirius. It had been a while since Remus had done this, and even then Sirius was substantially bigger than his first (and only other) partner. Remus kept going until he felt Sirius’ tip hit the back of his throat, triggering his gag reflex a little. Sirius pulled on Remus’ hair at the sound. Feeling encouraged, Remus keeps going. “F-fuck Moony,” Sirius moaned. Remus looks up through his eyelashes to see Sirius tilt his head back and hit the bedpost he was leaning against.

Remus continued to bob his head, wrapping his hand around what he couldn’t fit. The taste of Sirius’ precum mixed with the fact that this was something he was actually doing, not just imagining, was making Remus’ head spin. “M-Moony, I’m close-” Remus released Sirius from his mouth with a pop, slick with spit and precum.

“Can’t have that, now can we?” Remus smirked, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. Sirius let out another pained sound and released his grip on Remus’ hair. Remus returned to his feet and was taken by surprise when Sirius grabbed him by the waist and smashed their lips together.

“You are wearing far too many clothes,” Sirius said, breaking away and starting to work at Remus’ trousers, his belt still undone from earlier. Remus’ dick twitched at the thought of finally being touched by Sirius. Sirius quickly dropped to his knees, pulling Remus’ dick out of its confines much faster than Remus had with him.

“Excited, are we?” Remus teased, trying to hide that it was in fact he who was excited, that he had been dreaming about having Sirius’ mouth around him for years.

“You could say that,” Sirius replied, wrapping a hand around Remus. Remus inhaled sharply and forced himself to look down at Sirius. He knew right away that this was a mistake. Sirius, completely naked, hard as a rock and leaking. Sirius, pupils blown, cock in hand, licking his lips. Sirius began teasing Remus, trailing his tongue around the base of his cock, never once touching where Remus needed him to. His hand was unmoving, simply keeping it out of the way. Remus groaned.

“If you don’t quit teasing I might just have to punish you, Black,” Remus was half joking. Half, until of course -

“Maybe that’s the point.”

Remus made an obscene sound that he didn’t even know he was capable of and reached for a fistful of Sirius’ hair. At the same time, Sirius let his tongue dance over Remus’ dick and finally, finally swirl around the tip. Remus’ grip on Sirius’ hair tightened. Sirius’ tongue froze and he let out a groan. Remus smirked. “Hair pulling, really Pads?”

“Shut up or I won’t-” Remus gave Sirius’ hair a fast, hard tug.

“You were saying?” Remus smirked. Sirius looked up at him as if to fight it. Remus raised his eyebrows in a silent way of telling him to continue. When he didn’t, Remus gave his hair another pull and guided him towards his dick. Sirius obediently opened his mouth and Remus could have cum on the spot at the realization that Sirius wanted Remus to guide him. Sirius looked up with expectant eyes and Remus used his grip on Sirius’ hair to bring him to the tip of his dick. Sirius opened his mouth wider and Remus wasted no time in slowly pushing into his mouth. He swore under his breath and continued to press into Sirius’ mouth. Hesitantly, he kept going, not wanting to hurt Sirius. But, when Remus was fully inside Sirius’ mouth, unlike Remus’ previous encounter, it didn’t result in a gag. “Fuck, Sirius. Your mouth was made for this, wasn’t it?” Sirius moaned in response, sending vibrations through Remus’ cock. His previous partner wasn’t much for dirty talk, but something about Sirius told Remus that he lived for it. And he was not about to complain.

Remus kept fucking Sirius’ mouth, holding him in place by the hair. Spit was dripping out of Sirius’ mouth, his cheeks were flushed, his eyes glowing with desire. “Fuck, you’re so good Pads,” Remus moaned. Sirius’s eyes snapped shut and he let out a sound that made Remus’ brain short circuit. Finally putting everything together, Remus swore again. “You love that, don’t you? Hearing how perfect you are at sucking cock?” Sirius moaned in response and Remus bucked his hips. “Good boy.”

Sirius was a moaning mess and frantically started tapping Remus on the thigh. Remus let go of Sirius’ hair immediately and pulled out of his mouth. “Fuck, sorry was that -”

Sirius stood up and interrupted Remus with his lips. He pulled away, red in the face. “I was about to cum,” He explained. Remus’ eyes widened. That was new. He reached his hand out and wrapped it around Sirius’ cock. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut.

“Just from having your lips around my cock?” Remus asked, running his finger over Sirius’ tip, gathering precum to use as lube. “Or, was it something I said?” Remus raised an eyebrow and Sirius’ jaw went slack, but nothing came out. “Come on, use your words like a good boy.”

“Remus,” Sirius moaned. Something about hearing his name instead of “Moony” added a level of intimacy that Remus loved.

“Yes, sweetheart?” Remus was getting confident. He slowly started stroking up and down Sirius’ cock.

“I need you.”

That was all Remus needed to hear before gripping Sirius’ waist, turning him around and bending him over the bed. Sirius kicked his trousers off from around his ankles, and Remus did the same. He took off his tie, fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. As soon as all his articles of clothing were gone, Remus reached over to his bedside table and pulled out the bottle of lube he kept there. He popped the lid and heard a muffled moan from Sirius. “Impatient, are we?” He teased. Sirius responded by sticking his ass up in the air a little more.

Remus coated a few of his fingers before slowly rubbing them over Sirius’ hole. Suddenly, Remus was hit with a wave of nerves. He had never gone this far before, and he didn’t know if Sirius had either. He paused his movements. “Sirius, have you ever, uh …” He trailed off, the confidence from before slowly disappearing.

Sirius raised his head off the bed and looked over his shoulder, not making eye contact with Remus. “Not with anyone else, but, uh …” This helped Remus regain composure, his dominant side coming back.

“But you’ve fingered yourself before?” He asked, pressing his middle finger against Sirius’s hole.

Sirius bit his lip, holding back a moan. “Yeah,” he breathed, turning back to face the bed, pressing the side of his face into the mattress.

“Naughty, naughty,” Remus tutted, fulling pressing his finger in now, past the tight ring of muscles. Sirius moaned. “Here I was thinking that you were a good boy, Pads,” Remus pressed his finger in further, all the way to the knuckle.

“I am, I am, I promise,” Sirius whined. Remus’ dick twitched. He started pumping his finger in and out of Sirius, resulting in more sounds from him. Slowly, Remus slipped in a second finger. He kept fingering Sirius’ hole, scissoring his fingers.

“That’s it, that’s a good boy,” Remus sped up his finger, and reached around Sirius with this other hand. He took Sirius’ dick in his hand and started stroking in time with his fingers.

“Merlin, fuck Moony,” Sirius moaned. Remus added a third finger and sped up his other hand. “Shit, shit, shit, I’m gonna-” Remus released Sirius and pulled his fingers out.

“Not yet, you don’t,” He said, reaching for the lube again. Sirius groaned at the lack of contact. Remus began slicking up his cock. Not remembering the last time he was ever this hard, he slowly pressed against Sirius’ now stretched hole.

“Please, Moony, please,” Sirius wined, pressing his ass into Remus. Slowly, Remus pushed in. The two boys moaned, Sirius reached behind him and dug his nails into Remus’ thighs.

Remus paused, “Do you want me to stop?” He asked, panting slightly. Sirius was delightfully tight.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Sirius responded, and that was all Remus needed. He pushed in further, and when he bottomed out Sirius swore. When his grip on Remus’ thighs loosened, Remus gathered that he had adjusted and started to move. He pulled out slightly and slid back in.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” He hissed. Sirius groaned. “So good,” He added, picking up the pace. “Your ass was made for me, wasn’t it?” Sirius’ moans were quickly becoming much louder than when they started. The sound of skin hitting skin was filling the dorm, Remus fucking into Sirius at a much faster, harder pace. Motivated by the sounds Sirius was making, Remus reached to grab at Sirius’ hair pulling hard, lifting his head off the bed.

“Oh, fuck!” Sirius moaned and Remus gave his hair a harder tug.

“You better be quiet. Unless you want all of Gryffindor Tower to hear you?” Remus emphasized his point with a particularly hard thrust, and Sirius’ body lurched. Sirius clamped a hand to his mouth, struggling to keep his moans at a reasonable volume. Remus kept going, searching for the angle that made Sirius react that way.

“Remus, ah, fuck, p-please, silencing spell,” Sirius requested, between moans.

Remus quickly scanned their surroundings and found his wand. He muttered a quick muffliato and tossed the wand on the pile of their clothes. “Happy now? You can make all the sounds you want,” he said, snapping his hips against Sirius for good measure. Sirius let out the filthiest sound Remus had ever heard, making him wish that he had thought of the spell sooner.

With his free hand, Remus reached for Sirius’ cock, moaning when he felt the dribble of more precum. Remus began to pump Sirius’ cock in time with his thrusts. “So good for me, such a good boy.”

“Fuck, Remus,” Sirius dragged out the name and started moving his hips to meet Remus’ thrusts. Remus sped up and repositioned himself. He pulled out further than usual and then all the way back in. “Oh FUCK!” Remus grinned to himself, found it. He kept going, determined to hit that spot every time. “Fuck, fuck, yes yes yes yes, right there, don’t stop,” Sirius started babbling and Remus could feel himself getting close. “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum,” Sirius was getting frantic. Remus didn’t slow his movements or his hand.

“Not yet, not until I say so,” Remus growled. Sirius let out a strangled sound and Remus yanked on Sirius’ hair, causing him to arch his back even more.

“Please, please, please, I need to cum,” Sirius’ hips started moving sporadically, no longer in time with Remus. Remus tightened his hand around Sirius.

“I don’t know, have you been a good boy?” He asked, slowing his movements. Sirius cried out at the loss of stimulation.

“Yes, yes, I’ve been good, I’ve been so good,” Sirius started moving faster, fucking himself on Remus’ cock.

“Yeah? You think you deserve to cum?” Remus started to pick up speed again, his hand around Sirius dripping.

“Yes, yes, please let me cum, please let me cum,” Remus was also getting closer. He sped up his movements, groaning when he found the perfect angle again and Sirius moaned out in pleasure. He kept hitting that spot. “I can’t, Remus I-”

“Cum for me,” Remus felt Sirius tighten around him. Sirius screamed out in pleasure and Remus did not stop his movements. Sirius kept moaning, squeezing around him. He shuddered, his body vibrating in pleasure and Remus felt Sirius’ hot cum drip over his hand. Sirius continued to moan Remus’ name and with a final thrust, Remus came, filling Sirius.

Soon, the only sound in the dorm was both of their heavy breathing. Remus let go of his grip on Sirius’ dick and his hair. Sirius’ head flopped onto the bed, limp. Remus slowly pulled out of Sirius. He reached for his wand, cleaning them both up with a quick scourgify and threw himself on the bed beside Sirius. Sirius turned his head, not having the energy for the rest of his body to go with him. “That was, probably the best sex I’ve ever had,”

Remus laughed. “I think that was the only sex you’ve ever had.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t mean it wasn’t the best.”

Remus pushed him lightly on the shoulder, he was also was pretty exhausted. “I mean, if you’re up for a challenge we could always try again,” Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.

Remus feigned surprise. “Already? Padfoot, you’re insatiable!”

Sirius laughed. “Only for you, Moons.”

“Good boy,” Remus smirked. Sirius buried his face in the mattress and groaned. Remus laughed to himself and closed his eyes, studying long forgotten.

[randyortonofficial]

title: we’re not built for relationships (just each other) (click here to be taken to the ao3 version) pairing: randy orton/cody rhodes word count: 8368 description: It's been two years since Cody left WWE, and coincidentally, two years since he saw Randy Orton. When Randy suddenly calls Cody one day asking to catch up over dinner, the both of them have to address all the unfinished business they left behind.

There were a lot of nerves announcing All In.

It’s the first wrestling event outside of WWE to be held in such a high regard but Cody is ambitious and he’s been working nonstop at all of this ever since he left WWE a couple years ago. Every day, he thinks about how he can increase the stock of his name and every day, he wonders how he can improve, how he can better himself not just professionally, but in his personal life as well.

Even then, however, the All In event is his baby. This is the chance to show everyone what wrestling is truly capable of and showcase those stars that don’t want to relinquish themselves to the bland, uninspiring world of sports entertainment that is World Wrestling Entertainment, at least in Cody’s words. This is a big fucking deal for everyone, but especially Cody.

One phone call from Randy Orton, however, makes all those nerves he had about All In seem very insignificant.

“What’s up, Codeman?”

Cody sighs and rolls his eyes. “You know I hate that name,” he murmurs.

“All the more reason to call you it.”

Cody and Randy have been best friends for a long time. Even if they haven’t met up in person since Cody’s left WWE, the both of them have just been busy, Cody moreso, and that’s okay. Life happens, and Cody doesn’t get in his feelings about it, not anymore. He’s older now, smarter now, and more in control himself. They’ve still tweeted at each other and texted and what not, and it’s always fine when they do.

“You never call people. What’s wrong? Your back finally gave out to the billions of RKO’s you gave?”

“Not yet,” Randy tells him. “Hopefully never.”

“So what’s going on?”

“I’m in town. We should catch up.”

Though there is a reason why they haven’t met up in person since Cody’s left WWE.

Cody bites at his lip and looks over to Brandi on the couch. With a deep breath, he begins to walk away from the kitchen and out into their backyard, big and beautiful under a beautiful, sunny day to really top it off. “What uh, what did you have in mind?”

“Just get dinner? Talk? It’s been like, what, two years?” Randy chuckles. “C’mon, I wanna see you.”

“Random question and totally unrelated,” Cody says, “but how are you and Kim?”

“She’s good. Taking care of me since I injured my shoulder, but I wanted to give her a break so I decided to come to Florida-”

“By yourself?”

“Hotel room and all.”

The adrenaline in Cody’s soul lights up all over to send flares of heat throughout, because Randy is in Cody’s state alone and he’s in a hotel room-

“Just um.” Cody swallows and shoves a hand into the pocket of his sweats to dig his nails into his thigh. “Just the two of us at dinner?”

“We’ll go to a nice steakhouse. Remember when we went to Stonewood-”

“Grill and Tavern,” Cody finishes quickly. “Yeah, was uh, that the plan?”

“You in? You all in, I should say.”

Cody’s mind is telling him no.

He absolutely should not go out to see Randy under any circumstances. He should stay here at home with his beautiful girlfriend and their adorable dogs, far far away from any temptation that Randy is very good at instilling with one look from those steel blue eyes. There’s a reason why he hasn’t been alone with Randy since he left WWE, and following that, why he left WWE.

It would be a terrible idea to see him alone at a restaurant and talk.

Randy doesn’t just want to talk. He’s Randy fucking Orton, he hates talking.

Cody knows all of this logically. He knows this is the smart choice to make.

So he’s incredibly upset with himself when he says, “sure. See you at like, 7?”

“Sounds good. See you in a few hours.”

After saying their goodbyes, Cody shoves his phone into the pocket of his sweats before plopping himself down into the nearby chair and running his hands down his face. His hands clasp together right in front of his nose and mouth and his fingers tap against each other as he stares out into the backyard he and Brandi have helped cultivate together. He takes a deep breath before closing his eyes.

He needs to calm that adrenaline coursing through him. It’s just dinner, and he can control himself. He’s moved on, and Randy has married Kim since then. They’re like, super totally official now so maybe it really is just best friends catching up.

This is what Cody tells himself, but deep down in the part of his mind he’s tried so hard to shut out, he knows their business is unfinished.

Cody can’t keep lying to himself when he sees Randy walking towards their table, in black pants and a black button up with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and a rare, genuine smile spread across his lips.

“Suits really are all you wear now, huh?” Randy laughs and spreads out his arms. “C’mon, it’s been awhile.”

He forces a chuckle as he stands up from the booth to let Randy pull him in with those big, strong arms. Despite himself, Cody is easily relaxing into him, eyes falling shut and his hold on Randy tightening. The scent of Randy’s cologne, a Saint Laurent cologne Cody had bought him a few years ago, stabs Cody right in the heart but Randy soothes it when he murmurs into his ear, “I missed you.”

“Yeah,” Cody breathes. “I missed you too.”

Randy gives Cody a squeeze before he pulls away for them to look into each other’s eyes, though their hands stay on each other’s shoulders. The smile is no longer on his face, but he’s rather contemplative as he looks Cody over in his outfit; blue suit vest and pants, a white button up, and a yellow tie. It gives Cody time to do an appraisal of his own but he come to the conclusion that he always does, which is that Randy is fucking sexy in absolutely anything and it was stupid to pretend otherwise.

“You look good.” Randy nods and lets go of Cody to shove his hands into the pockets of his pants. “I like that uh, you wear suits all the time now,” he chuckles.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” Cody awkwardly clasps his hands in front. “Black’s always been your color and don’t say it’s because your soul is black-”

“Damn, you really do know me, huh?”

“That doesn’t change just because we haven’t seen each other in a few years.”

“Just surprised. Haven’t found someone that’s known me like you.” Randy bites at his lip and looks up at Cody with wide eyes. “Besides Kim-”

“Goes without saying.” Cody nods politely. “Yeah. um… should we sit?”

“That’s a good idea.”

They both slide into the booth on opposite sides to begin looking through their menus. Cody had their drinks ordered before Randy arrived, so they sip them as they read through the options, though Cody already knows what he wants. He’s just afraid to look up to Randy’s eyes staring back at him and see something in them that’ll just lead further into that pesky temptation Randy is so good at instilling.

While Randy hasn’t let being in a relationship stop him, Cody being in his own relationship does.

“So just dinner, right?” Cody asks. “Just don’t think our respective significant others want us out so late,” he forces a chuckle. “Congrats on tying the knot with Kim, by the way. Don’t think I ever gave my kudos.”

“Thanks, man,” Randy chuckles as he leans back into the booth with those big arms crossed over his chest. “She’s a lucky woman, and I’m a lucky man. Um,” he clears his throat, “But how’s life been with you? What are you up to these days?”

Cody knows Randy knows, but he also knows Randy is just trying to make polite conversation and it’s better that then talk about anything deeper. However, he would have thought Randy would want to go on and on about his wife.

But Randy is just like that sometimes.

“Yeah, uh, life’s been good.” Cody nods and moves his eyes to the other page, though he’s not paying any real attention. “I’ve been making a pretty good name for myself on the indies, and attaching myself to the Bullet Club definitely helps,” he chuckles. “That really raised my stock, and, you know, now I’m running my own show with them and-”

“Just like your dad.” Randy smiles. “He’d be really proud of you.”

Cody swallows. He bites at his lip before setting down the menu and clasping his hands on top the table. “Thank you,” he says just above a whisper.

“Like, you really have come so far. I was pretty upset when you left WWE but to see you thrive and like, do your own thing and make a name for yourself, like you said, it’s great to see you succeeding.”

“Yeah.” Cody nods. “And uh, I was born to be like, a WWE guy, so it’s cool to get away from it and set myself apart. Really develop my skills better.”

“You’re really living up to your potential. You think you might like, come back to WWE at all later down the line? Some guys do that, get better in the indies and then come back to WWE and it’s like, Vince and everyone has so much more respect-”

“I’m good with where I am right now.” Cody quirks a grin and looks up to Randy, though his eyes take a quick detour to those big, tattooed arms that he can still vividly remember being wrapped around him, or beside him, or holding him down, and that’s when Cody takes a long, long sip of his water because he really needs to quell that thirst.

Randy does too.

“Um.” Cody licks his lips. “I mean, I guess you can never say never though? I dunno, but the Bullet Club is treating me right and I think we have a lot to offer. Also, like, my girlfriend - Brandi? You remember Brandi, right?”

“Ring announcer?”

“Yeah. She wants to make a name for herself too and I wanna help her with that. More than anything though, I wanna see All In to the end,” he chuckles before sighing and running his hands down his face. “God, that’s been all I think about. I want it to go well so fucking bad and I’m fucking relieved we sold out all our tickets-”

“Half an hour, right?” Randy smirks. “Fucking impressive.”

“Was not expecting it.” Cody shakes his head. “But that means expectations are high and we both know that wrestling fans can be so fickle over the weirdest shit.”

“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

“Are you seriously quoting Dr. Seuss?”

“It was good advice. I’m not questioning where good advice comes from.”

“What’s the saying? Consider the source?”

“A children’s book author? Yeah, I’d say I trust the source.”

“Is that something you do a lot? Read children’s books?”

“I am a dad…” Randy smirks then and tilts his head to look Cody over again. “And if you can believe it, others consider me a daddy.”

For a few seconds, his heart is pounding. His breath is caught in his chest, and all he can think about is how easy it would be to fall back into their old habits and to just kiss him like they never ever stopped. That name brings Cody all the way back to the start, to the night where their friendship changed forever, to which it would then progress every day until they’d lay in each other’s arms and talk about their hopes, their fears, and their deepest desires despite their relationships with other people.

Every day spent thinking about each other, every night spent with their names falling from the other’s lips, and every second taking risks and letting their hearts take over while their heads play catch up.

Cody swallows heavily and sets his hands to his sides. He digs his fingers into his thighs and clenches his jaw before giving Randy his attention again. “You know what happens when we meet up,” he says quietly. “Did you really wanna catch up, or is there something more to this?”

That confident facade of Randy’s falls completely as they lock eyes for what feels like an eternity. Though the world is busy around them, they might as well be the only two people in this restaurant. Cody can only see Randy, smell Randy, and hear him, and the rest is a blur he can’t even comprehend.

Randy takes in a deep breath before breathing out, “I missed you.” He rolls his lips back between his teeth and after letting go, he says, in a slightly wavering voice, “I just - I needed to see you.”

It's both everything and nothing Cody ever wanted to hear. He knows how badly he desires Randy, but he also knows that desire is an all consuming fire that wrecks everything in their path. What they have is so intensely passionate that nothing else compares, but he's-

"I miss you too," he breathes out in admission. "But you're married," Cody reminds him quietly. "And I'm..." He takes in a shuddering breath. "I'm dating Brandi. Randy, we - we were hooking up behind Kim’s back before you married her," he chuckles humorlessly and bites at his lip before looking down to the table. "I just - Randy, what we were doing - what we had, that’s…” He shakes his head, and after a few moments, he looks back to Randy. “That’s not something we can do forever, it’s - it’s not feasible-”

“Cody, I want you to be happy,” Randy tells him, low and quiet. “I really do. You deserve the best, and you deserve it all, I want you to have everything, but… Cody, man, I can’t help it.” He shakes his head and bites his lip. “I still want you, and I want this, we’re - it’s a compulsion, we’re like magnets-”

“So why did you get married then?” Cody asks. “Why did you marry Kim if you still want me?”

“She was easy?” Randy huffs out a breath and runs his hands down his face. “It was - it was the easiest option, it was the safest choice-”

"The easiest option," Cody repeats in a humorless chuckle, and he has to shake his head to himself at the sheer audacity of Randy saying that to him. “You don’t even love her?”

“I do, I just don’t think I love her enough.”

He's always known Randy has had rocky times with his love life. Hell, this is his second marriage after his divorce in 2013, and that divorce was what led to him and Cody hooking up in the first place, so yeah, Cody is well aware of his tumultuous love life and how much Randy likes easy and safe. Cody just took solace in the fact that he never had to experience the tumultuous nature of it, not until he did.

"So, um, why wasn't I easy?" Cody looks back to him. "Or safe, like you always used to say? Or when uh, you've told me before that I know you better than anyone else? What about us, Randy, isn't easy or safe?" He almost spits the words out.

Randy’s eyes canvas all of Cody’s face and he clenches his jaw seeing the betrayal that’s etched all over. His tongue pokes around the inside of his cheek as he hangs his head, now unable to meet Cody’s gaze as he shakes his head. “I don’t know, Cody,” he says quietly. “I don’t - I don’t…” Randy bites hard at his lip now before closing his eyes. “Look, do we have to do this here? Can’t we talk privately?”

“So we can do it all over again?” Cody’s grin is bitter. “You uh, take me back and you fuck me into the bed, y-you tell me all the sweetest things in the world, a-about how you wanna be with me, and take care of me, that nobody can ever feel the way I do and that I’m special and one of a kind,” he wipes at his wet eyes, “before taking me into your arms and holding me close, and telling me that, th-that you want to do this forever just to stay with her?” his voice cracks as he gasps out, his grin having fallen completely. “And then we go back to being friends, l-like you didn’t just pour out your heart to me the night before?”

“I know I fucked up, Cody,” Randy breathes out before opening his eyes. “And I… I’ve spent so much time thinking about that. The last thing I’ve ever wanted was to hurt you-”

“I would’ve gave you everything,” Cody whispers as he shakes his head. “I would’ve done it so quick, Randy-”

“I know, man,” his voice shakes a little as he looks up to Cody, his eyes wet. “Seriously, we can’t talk about this here, all of this, and us, we deserve a place to like, actually talk about this, don’t we?”

Cody swallows and looks off to the side. His hand comes up to stroke down his tie while he thinks on that, because he supposes a conversation with his best friend about the weird thing they had a few years ago is worth a private discussion so they can say how they feel with no watching eyes.

But it also means they’ll be alone, and they know what happens whenever they’re alone together. It’s like Randy said - it’s like a compulsion, like magnets.

Grabbing hard at his tie, Cody clarifies, “you said you had a hotel room?”

“Yeah. I’m here for a few days.”

“How’d you get here?”

“Took an Uber.”

There’s silence for a few moments. Then, with a deep breath and against the voices in his head screaming no, Cody takes out his wallet to drop a bill onto the table and tells him, “we’ll take my car there.”

The ride back was uncomfortably silent with the tension that weighed heavily in the air, but thankfully, the hotel is close by. The hotel room itself is as big as a small one bedroom apartment. The main area is large with a huge flat screen TV, there’s a wet bar by the spacious kitchen, and Cody can see into the private bedroom with the large king bed.

Hopefully, it’ll end up there-

Cody immediately slams his eyes shut and scrunches his face before running his hands back through his hair. “Do you have anything to drink-”

“Something sweet? Maybe with strawberries?”

He can’t help the fond breath through his nose at the mention of his favorite drink choice. “Preferably,” he mumbles. “Think I’m gonna need a lot of alcohol for this conversation.”

“Probably a good idea,” Randy sighs as he goes over to begin pouring their drinks. “Where do you wanna sit? The couch? My bed? My lap?”

Cody opens his eyes to glare over at Randy. “How do you have the audacity to make jokes after what we said at the restaurant?”

“I was just trying to-”

“Lighten the mood to take away from the years of pain you’ve given me? We’re long past that point now. There’re no amount of jokes or special entendres you can make to distract from that, y-you led me on for years, Randy, you led me on behind Kim’s back-”

“I’m in love with you.”

“- and you made me think that what we were doing was going to go somewhere and…” Cody stops then as Randy hands him his drink and furrows his eyebrows, eyes wandering all over the floor before he glares up at Randy again. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Randy glares back at him. “I just fucking told you I’m in love with you-”

“You can’t just drop that information, Randy!” Cody’s voice raises. “You can’t casually tell me in the middle of me telling you how you hurt me that… that you’re…” He closes his mouth and swallows before looking the other way and shaking his head. “You can’t do that,” he whispers. “You can’t fucking do that.”

It’s completely unfair. It’s too late. It cuts off his train of thought and forces him to focus on the fact that, apparently, Randy is in love with him and takes him away completely from the very real and harsh reality that Randy had led him on for so long, did all of this wonderful, amazing stuff with him just to go back home to someone else’s arms.

What’s the point then, of doing all that stuff with him, if it doesn’t lead them to each other at the end of the day?

Randy sighs and looks down to the floor. He places his hands on his hips, fingers tapping against them before he begins to turn to head into the bedroom. “Cody, I’m - I’m not the best at this-”

“What, fucking communicating like a normal person?” Cody says before taking a long sip of his drink and he follows Randy into the room. “Yeah, I’m aware.”

“I… yeah, you know what, that’s exactly it.” He sips his drink before setting it on the nightstand and runs his hands down his face. “And I’m sorry, Cody. I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am, okay? Look, ever since you left WWE, I had a lot of time to think about shit, about the past and the future and everything in between, and when you’re alone with yourself and your thoughts, you like - I figured it out, my feelings for you.”

“Great.” Cody nods. “You’re two years too late, but I am so glad you figured it out after leading me on-”

“I wasn’t trying!” Randy’s voice raises as he steps closer. “Cody, I swear I wasn’t - I’m sorry if that’s how it felt. Okay? If it felt like I was leading you on for it to go nowhere. But you, Cody - and us - it was…” He bites at his lip and looks up to the ceiling. “Fuck.” He shakes his head. “It was too good to be true sometimes,” he quietly admits. “Everything we had, it - it was great, it…” He breathes out a chuckle. “Fuck, it was perfect, but that’s just it, it was perfect, and - honestly, again, it was too good to be true a-and I didn’t think I deserved that.” He looks back down to Cody then and takes a deep breath. “I didn’t think I deserved you, Cody and… I-I know I hurt you. I hurt you a lot, and I was worried fucking sick calling you up today because I had no idea how you’d react, and I understand if you hate me and if you want, i-if you want nothing to do with me.” Randy presses a hand at his eye and looks down at the wetness on his fingers before wiping his hand off on his shirt. “But I can’t not tell you.”

He had always dreamed of Randy telling him all of this. It was his wildest fantasy next to reliving that crazy vacation they took together in 2015, so this should be all Cody has ever wanted. Here Randy is, finally confessing his love for him and telling Cody that he doesn’t deserve him, that what they had was perfect but then, it’s the exact thing Cody didn’t want to hear.

Because he spent all this time away from WWE trying to get over Randy, and he did.

He did get over Randy.

Upon hearing Randy’s confession, however, he realizes that is not the case at all.

He’s never been over Randy.

He’s pissed that he’s never been over him, has only told himself that he was over him, but he’s more pissed that after everything was said and done with, he doesn’t hate Randy.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

He only loves him, and he hates himself for it, hates himself for being so into Randy and everything about him and how badly he’s under Randy’s spell. Always has, always will.

Cody sets his drink down on the nightstand before stepping closer and looking into Randy’s eyes with his own, even wetter than his. “You can’t just do that,” he gasps out. “You can’t decide to… what, tell me you’re in love with me? After all this time? What, like, d-do you wanna date me? When you’re still married to her? You married her, Randy, right after I left-”

“I’d drop her for you in a second, Cody,” Randy tells him so quick and firm. “I would-”

“You think that’s reassuring?” Cody scoffs.

“What’s the problem?”

“If you can drop her so quick for me, what’s gonna stop you from dropping me for someone else?”

The silence is deafening as they continue to stare at each other. The hurt in Cody’s eyes is heavier than the confusion in Randy’s, and the thoughts in their head are going a mile a second, desperately trying to figure out what to reply with or to add on, because what the fuck are they now? They could tell themselves, in the time between, that everything was fine and they were still friends, pretend that what they did was just good fun, but it’s so hard to deny when they’re with each other.

When they’re alone together, the whole world ceases to be as well as any rational thought.

When Randy hasn’t responded after a minute, Cody takes his drink to slam it back before slamming it down on the nightstand. “I’m gonna go-”

“You’re leaving?”

“Randy, I can’t do this with you-”

“I can’t do this without you, please-”

“You’re not in love with me,” he scoffs as he opens the bedroom door. “You’ve never even been into me-”

“Don’t you dare.”

Cody clenches his jaw as Randy’s arm moves forward to close the door in front of him, his hand firm on it to keep it shut. With a deep breath, he turns to face Randy and his body sort of hunches on itself seeing his eyes, which once held confusion and is now holding pain.

“Don’t tell me how I feel about you,” Randy tells him, quiet but low. “I’ll tell you how sorry I am about everything until I’m six feet under, I will, I will do it every single fucking day if I have to, Cody, but don’t you fucking dare tell me I’m not in love with you.”

“What happens if we date then?” Cody asks. “You break up with Kim and date me. Would you let the world know you have a boyfriend? Would you take me out and show me off like you do with her?”

“Yes, Cody!” Randy answers. “I would, I would do every fucking thing for you!”

“You said that all the other times too. Why is it different this time?”

“I didn’t know I was in love with you those times, Cody, but I know now, I fucking realize now, and I’m trying to make up for all that lost time and make it right-”

“What makes you think I’d even want that with you?”

“Shut the fuck up, man,” Randy scoffs and rolls his eyes as he backs away from Cody to run his hands down his face. “Cody, Cody, Cody, I know you do-”

“Cause you know me so well, right?”

“Yes!” Randy exclaims as he throws his hands in the air. “I do! If you didn’t want me, want this, you wouldn’t have agreed to go out with me, let alone come back to my fucking hotel room-”

“I was curious,” Cody mumbles. “I wanted to know wh-why you wanted to talk-”

“You said it yourself, Cody, you know what happens when we meet up. You know exactly what happens.” Randy narrows his eyes. “You can’t lie to me.”

“And you can’t just come to me on your schedule,” Cody tells him with venom dripping off his words. “It’s all about you, Randy, it’s always about you and what you want, if you don’t want a relationship then it doesn’t happen, but if you do, it has to happen right now-”

“We both want each other, what’s the problem?”

“I left because of you!” Cody shouts out at him.

Randy’s eyes roam all over Cody’s face as his lips form into a slight frown. “What?” he almost whispers.

“I left WWE because of you!” Cody shouts again. “I-It was because of Stardust a-and all that creative stuff, but it was also because of you, Randy! I wanted you and I wanted you so bad, I wanted us to be together and I wanted to be yours and I wanted you to be mine,” his voice cracks, “and you’d always give me hope, every single fucking time we met up, just for nothing to fucking happen! Nothing ever fucking happened, it was always the same, it was always the same!” he sobs out. “I loved you, Randy! I loved you so much and I couldn’t do it anymore! I moved on, I tried to move on with someone new because I-I have more respect than to just - just be that pretty boy you get with to escape reality and live in some bullshit fantasy world with!”

At the end of it, there’s tears, plural, running down Randy’s cheeks and it might be a surprise to anyone else, but with all the nights they’ve had together, after and before hooking up, Cody knows how capable Randy is of that. Everytime though, it never fails to tear at Cody’s heartstrings, regardless of the reason.

Randy swallows heavily as he steps back towards Cody. He reaches out for his hand but Cody swats it away. He reaches out again, but Cody repeats the action, though Cody doesn’t move an inch when Randy places his hands on his cheeks to guide their watery gazes into each other. His thumbs caress Cody’s cheeks, as loving as ever, and Cody’s sobbing starts to quiet down the longer he feels Randy’s sensual touch, for the first time in a long, long while.

“Listen to me, Cody,” he whispers through his tears. “I love you. I would do anything for you and I’m not going to screw that up again. I figured out what it was like these past years to be without you and I can’t do that again.” Randy shakes his head and sniffs. “I can’t do any of this without you. I need you, Cody, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner, I am so fucking sorry but I know better now and I’m not gonna make the same mistake again. You’re all I need, Cody, just you. Not Kim, not anyone else, just you.”

“How do I know you mean it?” Cody asks, almost whining as he does it.

“I wish I had an answer to that,” Randy chuckles humorlessly and bites at his lip. “I wish I could show you or tell you something that would make you trust me like you did before, but I know I’m gonna have to work to get that back. A-And I can do that, Cody, I don’t care what it takes, I-I’ll do the work to make you trust me again, I promise.” He removes a hand to wipe at his cheeks and then Cody’s. “It’s going to be you and me, Cody, it’ll always be you and me.”

  “It’ll always be you and me, Codes.”

Cody stares at Randy for a few moments before chuckling. “You don’t mean that-”

“I do.” Randy brings up a hand to cup Cody’s cheek. “I think, no matter what happens and… wherever our relationship goes, it’s always going to be you and me.”

“And your girlfriend is okay with that?”

Randy rolls his eyes with a small smile. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. It doesn’t matter anyways, I - what you and I have, it’s so different then it is with me and Kim.”

“How so?”

Randy looks over Cody’s face, from those beautiful baby blue eyes to those plush pink lips, before quietly telling him, “what we have is realer than anything I’ve ever had in my life.”

“Y-You’re just saying that,” Cody chuckles nervously. “Like - I… Randy, that’s a big thing to tell someone-”

“I know…” He smiles and huffs a fond breath through his nose. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, and I mean everything I say with you, Cody, I… everything is so easy with you. Everything is safe with you. You’re like, you’re fucking special, man, and I wanna do this shit forever. Don’t you feel like that?”

Cody relaxes entirely against his side. He brings his hand up to Randy’s cheek and as his eyes dip to Randy’s lips, he tells him with no hesitation, “absolutely.”

 That was the night their relationship went past the point of no return.

The confusion starts and ends with, “it’ll always be you and me.”

“Randy, you better fucking mean it,” Cody says as he shakes his head. “If you do this shit to me again-”

“You can cut me off completely.”

Cody sniffs as he looks back up into his eyes. He gasps out as his hands fall to grip Randy’s collar. “I love you, Randy,” he tells him. “I love you so much-”

“You have me now.” Randy takes a deep breath and lets his gaze dip to Cody’s lips. “You’ll always have me, I promise.”

“You really promise?”

As Randy presses their foreheads together, he promises him, “always.”

Their breaths ghost so hotly against each other’s lips as they breathe out, and Cody can feel himself becoming more lightheaded and dizzy with Randy’s presence all over. The warmth of his hands on his cheeks, the familiar, intoxicating aroma of his cologne, and the firmness of his body under his desperate fingertips.

He’s never wanted someone so bad before in his life. Never needed someone the way he needs Randy, not now and not ever. It will never be the same, and as Randy guides Cody’s head to the side to lick into his mouth to take him, Cody gives up his entire heart for Randy to take too, and whatever else Randy wants - forever and until the end of time.

They kiss like no time has been lost and immediately, they pick back up from where they left off, the shattered pieces of their heart that was broken apart on the floor coming together again with each second their lips move together. They have all the time in the world, not just tonight but every other night ahead. It’s no longer a fantasy, no longer empty platitudes said with hopeful tones, but a reality that will stay true.

Nobody has ever known him like Randy. Cody has a done a great job over the years at putting together a carefully constructed caricature that lets people think they know him and all that he is, but it’s still an act, still a way to keep the private sides of him hidden to the people who don’t have the privilege of doing so, people that aren’t Randy Orton. Only Randy knows him at his worst and still continues to want him, to be with him, and that street goes two ways.

Because they’re not built for relationships with other people, they never were; only built for each other.

Cody’s hands roam down over Randy’s body, big and firm as ever, and back up over his shoulders. They run down his strong, tattooed arms, fingers pressing into his muscles that he loves so much, and as Randy lowers his hands from Cody’s face, he takes Cody’s hands in his own to intertwine their fingers. He squeezes Cody’s hands as he holds them up in between their bodies, the action letting Cody know that this is real, that this is a promise he means, and he won’t make the same mistakes again.

Their lips drag away so slowly, neither of them wanting to be apart from each other for even a second after being apart for years. They’re both desperate to keep this going and take this to the next level, remind the other that they belong to each other, were made for each other, as their bodies become one with another once more.

Their eyes lid open to look up to each other. There are glimmers of the future lighting up not only their eyes, but their bodies, and they can’t help but to steal one more kiss, and another, and another after that before they pull away to finally, and really, get their air back. They breathe in slow and deep together as they look at each other again.

“I’m gonna take good care of you, Cody,” Randy whispers. “Every single night.”

As he walks them backwards to the bed, their lips are back on each other, though their hands are quick to take them to where they want to go. Cody begins to unbutton Randy’s shirt and Randy’s hands are quick, skillful the way they undo Cody’s tie before unbuttoning his suit vest. Cody pushes Randy’s shirt off his shoulders and Randy shrugs it off completely before helping Cody remove his shirt and vest. Suddenly then, he’s grabbing Cody’s hips to turn him around to press him down onto the bed, lips attacking Cody’s neck while he palms him through his pants.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Cody whimpers as he brings a hand to the back of Randy’s head. “Missed you so bad-”

“Missed you so fucking much, never missed anyone like I have with you,” Randy breathes out. “Mind if I mark you up?”

“Please.”

Then Randy is latching his teeth onto Cody’s neck and Cody’s eyes roll into the back of his head as he lets out a loud moan into the room.

He can think about how to deal with it later, can think about how to tell Brandi that they’re done and he’s sorry but he just can’t do it anymore, that he really did love her but he’s always loved Randy, he did then, he does now, and he always will, and it’s not fair to keep them together knowing that.

Randy is worth it. He’s worth everything.

Cody moans with each mark Randy leaves on his neck. He’s drowning in the feeling of Randy’s ravaging mouth that he sort of tunes out everything else, and it’s only when he feels cool air settling on his hard cock that he realizes Randy has pulled down his pants entirely. He lids his eyes open and looks down to see Randy brushing his lips down his chest. Randy then begins to press kisses down his abs, over his belly button, and as his hands grip onto Cody’s hips, he’s looking up into Cody’s eyes right as he flickers out his tongue to taste the precome beading from the tip and Cody would be more embarrassed by the noise he just made if it wasn’t Randy, but it is and Randy has seen all of Cody, at this point, so he’s absolutely shameless.

“Don’t hold back from me, baby,” Randy’s voice rumbles as he tilts his head. “Let me know how good I’m making you feel.”

Then he’s closing his eyes to press a suckling kiss to Cody’s tip. He leaves a trail of them down his shaft, and the further down he gets, the further down his hands move until he’s got his hands clutching tightly onto Cody’s thighs. Randy’s tongue sticks out to circle Cody’s hole, lapping at it before it begins its trail back up, over his balls, and the suckling kisses return on the way up his shaft, Cody moaning and thrusting against his mouth all the while.

It wasn’t often that Randy sucked him off, not because he didn’t want to, but because he always got Cody off with his cock and Cody was always so needy for him more often than not. On nights like this, however, where they’re feeling sentimental and in need of exploring that side with each other, it’s greatly appreciated.

Randy is such a thoughtful lover too, far more than people give him credit for. Cody imagines he doesn’t do that for just anyone, because he is still Randy Orton and feelings and emotions aren’t something he partakes in, but he does it with Cody and that’s what matters, that’s all that will matter now that they’re back in each other’s arms.

When Randy takes him into his mouth, he can’t take much. Cody’s the only man he’s been with, and he’s not going to be able to match Cody’s skills in that department, but he more than makes up for it with the attention he gives him. His hand comes around to touch what his mouth can’t take, and he’s quite an expert with his tongue, letting it curl around him, press at him, lick at him, and after a few minutes, Randy begins the lovely process of opening Cody up.

Thank fucking god.

So he drags his lips off from Cody’s cock to run them down his shaft, past his balls, to begin licking at his hole again. His hand gently pumps Cody as he licks him open, fingers of his other hand grazing over Cody’s thigh, along his ass, until the pads of his fingers are tracing the rim of his entrance.

“I’m gonna make you feel great, I promise,” Randy tells him. “Better than I ever have, and I’m gonna fuck you every night I’m here-”

“Do you promise?” Cody moans. “You’re gonna keep me in here? Make me feel good?”

“Until you only remember my name,” he grumbles. “And until I only remember yours, Cody.”

Cody gasps out when Randy pushes the first finger in and throws his head back with another moan as Randy quickly moves it in and out, his tongue still working alongside it. Cody’s hands grip hard at the sheets beside him to wring them between his fingers, and he tugs at them as Randy continues. He pulls at the sheets, he keeps making the prettiest noises into the bedroom as Randy adds another finger, and then another, until he sounds absolutely broken. Afterwards, he’ll have a bit of decency to be embarrassed by how desperate he sounds, but then, that desperation is what Randy likes so much anyways, always has and always will, especially when he himself is so desperate. It makes him go harder with fingering him open, makes him mouth more at Cody’s opening to get it super slick with his spit, and makes him moan against Cody before, finally, pulling his three fingers out to spank him.

With a whimper, Cody brings his head up enough to watch Randy stand up between his legs. He’s drowning under the dark intent of Randy’s gaze and he can only lie there, seemingly helpless as Randy takes his time undoing his pants. Randy swipes his tongue out along his lips as he drags his belt out from the loops, holding it up in the air for a few moments before dropping it onto the floor, the metal of the buckle sounding with the collision.

Cody couldn’t say a word right now if he wanted. He’s wrought with an urgent need for the man in front of him and can’t think beyond Randy, can’t look or smell or feel beyond Randy, because his desire for him is all consuming and withers away any sense of rational being left.

Right now, Randy is heaven. He is ruin. He is everything.

He manages a long, loud whine as Randy’s thickness enters his view. He moves himself back on the bed and pushes up on his arms to watch Randy jerk himself off, all while Randy looks him over. Randy groans out as he knees up on the bed between Cody’s legs and his other hand comes down to grip Cody’s knee hard, his gaze still dragging over every inch of Cody’s exposed skin.

“Fucking perfect, Cody,” he whispers. “Always so good for me, always look so fucking good.” Randy bites his lip hard as he squeezes his length. “Can’t believe how long it’s been… you ready for it?”

“Please,” Cody begs. “Randy, please, I can’t wait for you anymore, I don’t wanna wait for you anymore-”

“I know.” Randy nods and looks up to Cody before leaning in. “Neither do I, baby.”

He seals their lips together in a short, but promising kiss, one that assures Cody, once again, that this is real and he will not make the same mistakes again, and he drags his lips away so slow before leaning back to reach for the lube conveniently within the nightstand. Cody’s eyes are trained on Randy’s cock as he drizzles the lube over, as he strokes it all over, even as Randy spreads apart his legs at his thighs with those big, strong hands to be right back where he belongs.

Randy guides himself to Cody’s opening and he’s leaning over him to press their foreheads together. His breath is hot against his lips, Cody’s breath is hot against his, and they’re breathing in each other’s air as Randy begins to push into him, for the very first time in a long awhile. When Cody gasps out, Randy moves a hand into his hair to guide Cody’s lips back onto his as he gives Cody all of him, every single inch, and drinks in all the pretty moans Cody makes into his mouth all the while.

It could be too much, were it anyone else, but there can never be too much of Randy, only not enough.

Randy drags himself out to the tip before slamming back into him to make Cody gasp out against his lips once more. He does it again, and again, Cody’s gasps becoming louder until he’s moaning out, and then Randy is fucking into him with consistent in-and-out motions, hand still in Cody’s hair with the other hand at Cody’s side to keep himself up.

“Thought I’d never have this again, Cody,” Randy breathes out as he looks down between their joined bodies to watch Cody take him. “I can’t believe I get to have you again, I can’t fucking believe it-”

Cody moans, “you get to have me whenever you want.” His hands grip at Randy’s shoulders and his fingers press down hard into his skin. “Just - I want to be yours, I want to be the only one, Randy-”

“You will, I promise.” Randy steals another kiss from him. “It’s just gonna be me and you from now on.”

“What’s gonna happen? With you and her?”

“When I get back, I’m gonna end it. Tell her I can’t do this anymore, that it’s not working, that I fucking love you-”

“You’d do that?”

“I would, and I don’t fucking care what she’s gonna do, because you’re the only thing I care about.”

Randy doesn’t even need to ask Cody what’s going to happen with him and Brandi, because they both already knew that Cody was going to drop her for him, but in case Randy didn’t, Cody tells him, “I only care about you, Randy, it’ll be me and you, just me and you, it is over with me and her, I promise-”

“I know.” Randy nods and moves his hands to cup Cody’s cheeks as he lowers his body onto his, Cody’s hands dragging away from his shoulders to grab the hands on his cheeks. “I know you’d do anything for me, just like I’d do anything for you, because I love you, Cody, you love me, we love each other, and it’s just us, okay?”

“Fuck, I love you so much.”

They take each other’s lips again and this time, they’re able to unleash all that passion that’s been building up over the past few years. The taste of sin is so pertinent on their tongues but it’s never been sweeter, so profound, and the more they taste, the more they want. They’re practically breathing into each other’s lungs now, and each breath is another thought that lets the other know they still care, that they have always cared for one another and everything else was just a distraction from what really mattered.

They both invoke such heavy pleasure within each other in their shared climax that can never be reached with anyone else. The other’s name falls from their lips so quiet, but so heavy and full of love, of yearning, and afterwards, they’re panting against the other’s lips and just barely do they open their eyes to stare at each other in the warm and sensuous afterglow.

While their business is still unfinished, and they have a lot more to discuss before officially ending the night, the silence afterwards is comfortable as Randy coaxes Cody into his side to snuggle close. Even though they now have each other forever, that truth still hasn't settled in yet, so Randy holds Cody tight to his body, as close as he can, as Cody’s face presses deep into Randy’s neck to fully immerse himself in Randy again.

In that time apart, they have been living in the same dream put together of all their shared memories. Every night wondering what would happen if they took that chance to sweep the other off their feet, if all of that fabricated pillow talk had meant something more, but they don’t need to wonder anymore. They don’t need to stay awake at night getting so lost within the debilitating thoughts in their head of what could have happened between them.

No longer does tension fill the air, but rather hope for the bright future ahead of them. They aren’t ships passing in the night anymore, no, they have found their way back to each other, because they were built for each other; forever and until the end of time.

[thatcatinthewindow]

I'm realizing 2014 was the most fucked up year of my life and it makes a lot of sense as to why it's hitting so hard and the memories are flooding my mind more than ever

It went:

February-ghosted the guy I loved because I was a scared little babe and dealing with the love bombing cycle from my abuser and when I realized I made a mistake it felt too late

March-Started abusing Adderall because I was trying to cope and my abuser was still lying to me about dating sites and other things plus I was super influential I was 20 so it didn't take me much to want to try out drugs and when people tell you pills are safer you believe them

April- Adderall was being taken in massive doses(not often)that would make me throw up for hours on end and I wouldn't sleep for days even though I wanted to and my abuser fainted and fell down the stairs so I told him we needed to swear that off and we stopped

May-my stepdad and his brother gave me and my abuser tomadol or whatever it's called 6 all together we took 3 each I took it slow he didn't but by morning I was vomiting profusely like literally nonstop I brought a bucket to bed with me because I was so exhausted from the wretching I had to lay in my bed clutching a bucket and my stepdads brother gave my abuser 6 more pills and he took them all went outside for a cigarette and had a seizure that ended up with us in the hospital and his mother blaming me for him taking drugs LOFUCKINGL

June-me and my abuser had been living with my mom and stepdad and I was paying her like 25 bucks a week or some shit to live there and she said he had to too and he refused and she said she wanted her keys back and she was bugging out so I went to grab her the keys and he told me I better not and when I went to give them to her he choked me and shoved me into my bed and then I had to leave with him because my mom thought it was all me and I had to take all of my savings and buy us an apartment

July- definitely getting shown complete disinterest from him and getting gaslit after finding hairs that weren't mine in our bed "you had brown hair before" cause I had bleach blonde hair at the time from long before we moved in but it was long, straight, and think my hair didn't change THAT much just cause I dyed it blonde. You can't unwavy hair for that long. I get bugged out on for smoking weed with my three coworkers at the end of our shift because two of those coworkers had dicks. I stop wanting to go home but get told if I don't go home by a specific time I will be locked out for the night despite him staying out as long as he would want any given night. I'm not allowed to have sleepovers with my best friend and cousin. I'm not supposed to be smoking weed but fuck that I told him he wasn't taking that away from me when I got back together with him the last time.

August- I turn 21 on the 9th and that day I wanted to spend the day with the girl I thought was my best friend and him and get drunk and buy a bottle of cherry schnapps (Lana phase baby)but I get told I have to go to this local bar/food spot and I tell them I don't want to because it's going to cause me to panic to be around so many people and I get told I'm making everything about me and then him and my thought she was best friend girl walked off on me cause we were walking through the park. So my 21st birthday fucking sucked. Then like days to a week later I get home after work one day after he refused to come get me and he's sitting in his car drunk off his ass and won't explain but just dumps me. And then has the nerve to tell me "but I'll let you stay the night so you can figure out what you're going to do" and I spend the night staring at the ceiling plotting to run away cross country stopping in major cities and then I realize that I don't want to do that alone so I'm going to talk to my actual best friend and see if she and her family will let me live with them and THEY DO life immediately gets so much better living with that kind of love in my life. She was the best of the best. I got the room off of her room and it was in their attic and unfinished but it was a room so I had no complaints. I went to work and came home and she cleaned up the random stuff around of theirs, gave me furniture, and decorated for me I literally cried because that was one of the most thoughtful things anyone had ever done for me. She would make sure I ate. We shared all of our weed. I'd chainsmoke too many cigarettes. We'd sit and talk and watch TV for hours. We'd go buy weed and smoke a blunt walking around the city even though it was illegal and then walk across the bridge goofing off or admiring the beauty of the Hudson or just being hyped to get home and smoke weed and eat bagels(we worked at a bagel shop). She lost her job and started working at mine and we were always together in a good way.

September- Jess finds out she's pregnant and gets extremely extremely ill with HG immediately like she was 2 weeks pregnant vomiting everywhere and exhausted it was heartbreaking to watch her like that and not be able to do anything to help other than sit with her or let her rest because she had no appetite and the guy who got her pregnant was insisting she need to get an abortion because he did not want a child. Throughout this time my ex/abuser showed up at our house had my thought she was my best friend girl who never even asked me if I was okay after he dumped me prompt me to come outside and then he showed up out of nowhere and kissed me and left leaving me confused, enraged, and disgusted. I think this was because me and my best friend would hang out with our coworker who was also a stoner but she was the one who was interested in him. So then that's when he started his love bombing shit and I was lonely because my best friend was so unwell she couldn't even spend time together. I also started hanging out with my current partner(was not at the time)again but he would use me to smoke weed and try to get in my pants too. So that wasn't good enough company to keep me away from the love bombing bastard.

October- I end up sick with severe bronchitis and have to go to the hospital and my abuser took me and then brought me home to our old apartment that night. I think I stayed another night. Then I go back to my best friends house and unfortunately she's battling her father because she told him she was pregnant and he told her she had to get an abortion or she's getting kicked out. I tell her that night that we will do what we can to get an apartment together because she doesn't want an abortion. The next morning her father kicks me out because she doesn't want to get an abortion and he thought that would work so I end up having to move back in with my ex and it's clear I'm unwanted. I see my best friend for the last time ever during this month(and I tell her I feel like I'm never going to see you again I love you when I gave her her final paycheck and money to get the bus)because she was fired unfairly but wouldn't let me quit because she had another job lined up.

November- I have limited contact with my best friend because her phone and wifi got shut off so I know nothing going on. Mid November she tells me she had the abortion. At the end of the month I throw up randomly one day.

December- the absolute worst month of my life. I find out I'm pregnant. I'm made to believe that I'm going to be apart of a loving family and that we are going to work together in a loving way to raise our child and care for her and each other and work together to make a better life so despite spending my entire life not really wanting to have a child I decide to have the baby. I was elated. I was so fucking elated I was ready and I didn't think I could be happier in my life. Then... The morning of December 7th(2 days after I find out officially I'm pregnant)I wake up to my stepdad(vile piece of shit)calling me and I'm like what the fuck why would he call so I just say fuck it and go back to sleep but then something tells me I can't why the fuck would that douche call me and I read his text and he said "please call me it's about Jess" and I'm like oh fuck I hope her house didn't burn down or her siblings get hurt or her parents are okay and I called and I was not ready for the words he said "she was hit by a truck and she didn't make it" I fucking wailed. I spent more than half the day sitting there waiting for her to call me like "hahahahahaha I got you bitch" thinking she ran into my stepdad and wanted to prank me but then the texts and messages from other people came(including my current partner but he offered his condolences and then had some snide ass shit to say about me being with my abuser so I'm a dumbass cause the 🚩🚩🚩were there)and then I had to tell other people. Including my mom who screamed her face off in my ear just like she did when I told her our dog died. It was really difficult having to tell our coworkers because I was their supervisor and they all knew how much she meant to me but she also meant a lot to them and none of us were given a chance to properly mourn. Her wake was devastating. I'll never look at a fucking body at a wake again. I couldn't go to work the next day and then my manager had the nerve to be a complete bitch to me and I was both dealing with the worst death I'd ever experienced and severe vomiting and nausea from being pregnant. She told me I was lucky she didn't fire me. Then about two weeks after my best friend died my abuser started to ask me why I wasn't over it yet. Why I was still crying. Why I wasn't happy. Why I was down. Because it's been so long already I should be getting over it already according to him. So. There was that. Then three days before Christmas my great aunt dies and while it was less of a blow to because she was in her 90s and suffering from medical problems it was still difficult knowing what my family was going through.

I never realized that all happened in one year until today. I never realized how much trauma I went through in just one year and that's not even close to the amount of traumatic shit I've been through. It makes a lot of sense to me why this 10 year mark has been so fucking hard and why I can't get my best friend out of my mind. Anyways if you read this holy fucking shit thanks I love you because this is all just me rambling and trying to put this in one place😅

[angelicyoongie]

i’m sorry maggy but i’ve been reading TOP nonstop since it has been uploaded 😩

it was released around 00:48 here and i was struggling to stay awake (literally my ankle is twisted ) but coincidentally when i saw TOP in my following page, my whole body forgot sleep 🥸☝🏽

i fear if i start giving my review you'll have to read a whole book, but a canon that seokjin is sweet, but in a fucked up way. he's considerate enough and he went as far as to starve himself to keep oc with him, abides by her wishes and gives her the time to accept his proposal. wonder why? mer people can't ‘love’ anyone, atleast not in sense of what humans perceive the word, yes?

i actually feel so bad for our strong oc. seokjin is weird with emotions and doesn't feel anything, not atleast what oc does with her experiences and stress with the sea. i actually wish to give her the basic medications for her injury to heal, because a lil tmi, my shoulder is very much at this point similar to oc’s conditions and even with proper care, it's hard, so what oc is going through is just my imagination ;_; with all that hurt of losing her everything at once to being alone with a creature who isn't so cooperative is so scary, wth

but at the same time seokjin is...😩. so hot.

like, he's the advanced merman, meaning he can communicate and understand stuff better— and when he bought the captain's chest, he had my attention already 😮‍💨

like what actually made me go aww ( yes i’m so fucked up because it's been a hot day or so i realised i like him hhdjklsahsjaksk) was the fact that he was mindful of his claws and made oc feel good and was aware of it ( 🥹 ) and, all the small acts of considerations, though being the bare minimum ( apart from the biting her flesh apart, uh ) somehow made me fall more for him. He's manipulative in a way that lmskdkdkfjbsbfh. The sass he holds each time, especially in the beginning when oc started to interrogate him, ugh

overall, the story was so well written, all thanks to your hardwork ♥️ take some rest because you deserve it..

a small canon that ; both tcs kookie and top seokie are sweet but in a weirdly fucked up manner

TCS!kook being a sweet, oversized puppy who can kill you and

TOP!seokie being the sassy mermaid who can kill you and would remind you that very often as well..lol

oh no, i hope your ankle is better by now!! it happened to me last year too, it hurts like a bitch :(

seokjin's actions can be perceived as considerate in some ways but at the end of the day he's doing all of that for himself. he's starving himself not for the MC, but because he finds her amusing and wants to keep her alive for longer. he listens to her requests when he feels like it but it's more to instill a false sense of security over him actually caring about what she thinks, you know? but he does have some tact though, i'll give him that 🙈 that's correct!

this poor MC is in the trenches with her injuries, i shudder to think what would become of them over time 😩 she's not in for a fun time ahead of her, that's for sure. maybe seokjin could find some form of medication in the sunken ships but i doubt it!

sdjksd, he's hot in a scary way for sure 🤪 he's terrible when he wants to be and kinda-sorta-sweet when he wants to be, it's just hard to tell what version you're dealing with until it might be too late, lol! the sass is the best part about him haha 😌

thank you so so much!! 🥺💖💖

lol yeah, i would say that's pretty spot-on descriptions of them!!

[keneestorytimelibrary]

Rockey Chapter 6

    'I think I've met the man I was meant to marry.' I said to myself in a daze. Nicoló was the definition of FUCKING GORGEOUS! He was well-dressed, in a nice black tux and a baby blue button up shirt. He had a nearly combed mohawk, and a perfectly groomed mustache. And he had the most beautiful honey brown eyes I had ever seen. 

          And his voice was so sexy, yet angelic. I've never known how sultry the Italian accent was! Ever since he arrived to get Matteo, he and Matteo have been talking nonstop. The three of us have been walking up and down the same side street for a few minutes. I made sure to keep my distance from him; I smelt like warm vanilla and hot dumpster trash.

          "I've already called Raffaele, and informed him about Laura. Thankfully she picked up my other siblings…" Nicoló continued, but I lost him. I began fantasizing really bad things about him that made me blush. ‘It would start off with a romantic dinner, then he would take me away on a long car ride where he would-’ I was suddenly brought back to reality when Nicoló and Matteo stopped abruptly. 

          "Ah, speak of the devil." Nicoló said as he pulled out his phone. Without hesitation, he pressed the green button and said, "Ciao Raffaele!"

          I could see Matteo tense up the moment Raffaele's name was mentioned. Nicoló remained calm as Raffaele began screaming on the other line. I was glad that I didn't understand Italian, because Raffaele was MAD. But Nicoló never wavered, and held his composure. It was as if he was used to it. After about three minutes of Raffaele screaming, Nicoló said,"Si." He handed the phone to Matteo.

          "He wants to talk to you." Nicoló said. Matteo stood still; clearly he didn't want to talk to him. Matteo stood frozen in place for what felt like hours. I could tell Nicoló and Raffaele were getting inpatient. 

          I walked up to Matteo, and placed a steady hand on his shoulder. "I promise you that it'll be ok. Your brother may seem scary, but it sounds like he loves you, and worries a lot about you."

          The color on Matteo's and Nicoló's faces drained to pale white. I didn't fully understand what I did or said, until Nicoló brought the phone back, and put it next to his ear. There was a brief moment of silence before Raffaele's voice boomed. I was so confused until Matteo explained, "He heard you."

          As I looked at Matteo, I felt something come over me. It might have been the years I dealt with that entitled piece of shit Danny. It could've also been that I was simply trying to help Matteo out, and yet Raffaele gets angry at me? And I know this was none of my business, but I had a very long day, and I was not going to deal with this old ass man's attitude. 

          I calmly walked over to Nicoló and grabbed the phone. Before he could protest, I began talking to Raffaele,  who was in the middle of screaming. "Excuse me Raffa, but I am going to stop you right there. I understand it's none of my business, but if you want to get angry at me for trying to help, come over here and say it to my face. Only a coward hides behind a phone. I don't understand why Matteo is so God damn afraid of you, but you sure as hell don't scare me. You have any issues with me, you can shove it and kiss your ass." With that, I walked back to Nicoló and held out the phone to him. Raffaele was silent, which probably meant he was fuming. Nicoló and Matteo were dumbfounded. 

          "I am sorry for grabbing the phone off your hand. I am normally a lot nicer, I just don't take shit from old ass, cranky men who need to be medicated!" I made sure to yell the last part loud enough so Raffaele could hear. "So I suggest you guys head back, before Raffa ends up with a brain aneurysm. Matteo, finish your homework, and make sure to handle that business that I told you about." I said with a wink. Before Raffaele could start his shit again, I ended the call. 

          I handed the phone back to Nicoló, turned around, and began walking away. Just as I hit the corner, Matteo ran up to me, and tugged my arm. I turned around as he began to thank me.

          I couldn't help but smile. "Remember, you are a lot tougher than you think. Don't be afraid to stand up to those bullies, especially your brother." And with that, I continued walking. I never turned around to see Nicoló or Matteo leave, though I wish I could've seen Nicoló one more time. 

          It took me an hour to get back to Caden's and Tony's apartment. They were waiting for me on the couch, expecting to hear good news. When they saw my expression, however, they quietly got up and brought out a bottle of wine and a container of ice cream. 

          I spent the next few hours sitting in between the two of them trying to best describe Nicoló. Thankfully I cleaned myself, because by the time I got back, I smelled like rancid poop. 

          "Rockey, please tell me about his voice again! I've always wanted to fuck an Italian man!"Caden said in a drunken stir. Somehow, the conversation turned sexual. 

          "Caden, imagine them whispering dirty shit in your ear!" Tony exclaimed with excitement. He began to garble nonsense as he tried to hold his glass of wine.

          "But besides that, we are proud of you for helping that kid out. I'm sorry it didn't work out with the job interviews. " Caden said.

          I squeezed both of their knees, and let out a deep sigh. "At least something good came out of today. Oh, and telling off Raffa, that old ass fucking brother of his." I couldn't help but make an ugly face at the name.

          All of a sudden, my phone began to ring. In a drunken slur, I picked up without checking the caller ID. "Hellllllloooooooooo!" I said. I didn't know how stupid I sounded at the moment. 

          "Is this how you spend your evenings? Getting drunk?" A male voice said. His accent sounded off, but I was too drunk to notice. 

          "No, I normally spend it counting my money and getting a rub down by my exotic boyfriend." I said as I chugged the rest of my wine. "But the bastard left, so I am stuck drinking."

          "I cannot believe you managed to charm both of my brothers…" he said. My eyes grew wide open, and I sobered up really quick. Tony and Caden looked at me weird as I jumped from the couch. 

          "Raffa?" I asked in a worried tone. 

          "Don't call me Raffa! My name is Raffaele!" He said angrily. His voice was giving me a headache.

          "Jesus, do you normally call people and yell?" I asked bitterly.

          "Do you normally spend your evening drinking alone?" He returned.

          "Why you son of a b-" I began, but I was cut off as Nicoló grabbed the phone from Raffaele. There was a few minutes of quiet whispering. After a few seconds, Nicoló came on the phone.

          "Forgive my older brother Bella, he lacks my wonderful charm." His voice again...just like hot butter.

          "We were wondering if you could stop by our place tomorrow? Let's say, 7:30am?"

[deeisace]

.

Typed this out last night and fell asleep without posting - still dressed and with the lights on, even

My uncle just flew in from Thailand to like help my dad some with their mum's funeral uhhh stuff

And obviously he's exhausted and it's a fuckin awful awful situation but idk like

My dad's been working out like who's gonna come and stuff, all my nana's friends and her facebook groups an all sorts, he's doing all the logistics and like most everything, and my uncle's gonna pay for it cs he's the business guy right

We've been talking a little bit in code cs my grandad has Alzheimer's and we don't want to upset him? But I think that's what's sorta been agreed

Also dad's sent an email to the Alzheimer's Society asking for advice of what we should do about grandad, if to tell him and upset him every 2 days, or to kinda leave it and say she's at hospital when he asks - dad also says that grandad's unlikely to last a year, this morning, which I didn't fully know

Anyway dad's done maths and my uncle hears there might be 60 people coming to Nana's - we don't have a huge family, there's maybe 15-20 family and the rest will be friends - and he says "no, we have to do something about that, I can't do that"

Which, totally fair enough to be socially anxious an stuff - maybe he's thinking he has to stand and talk, cs he's the oldest son, but there's no set way to do a funeral, he doesn't have to do that - absolutely totally fair, and it'd be fucking awful even without it being your mum's funeral

But who the fuck can we turn away, you can't turn people away from a funeral - from saying goodbye to someone they've known for 50 years, or who helped them through their cancer in between dealing with her own, or I don't know what else, she had a whole bunch of fb groups - she was a force of nature, and she helped a ton of people, and lots of people loved her, and I know it's hard and I know he has like social anxiety problems and fucking nobody wants to talk to ~60 strangers and/or people he hasn't seen for 30 years, for three hours, full stop, let alone in this fucking awful situation, but I don't know what else we can do?

Dad and him are going to the funeral people, they've got an appointment tomorrow morning to figure some stuff out, idk if they'll have an idea of what to do - dad says valium would help, but my uncle is not the sort as would agree to that, and my stepmum says maybe he can stay for a short while and then go uh like say he has to go and sit with his dad cs we couldn't organise an all-day carer (tho my dad's sorted that already, pending a date), which I think is probably the closest to a solution we can manage tbh

Oh I don't bloody know

Nice thing tho, I went out and got some lavender from the garden - her lavender, that dad says originally came from her mum's garden - to hang up and dry, so to sort of send with her? It was mum's idea, I think it's a nice one - dad helped me tie it up to hang on a hook in the garage, y'know, I'll find a nice ribbon for it - tho I imagine we'll (or dad will, he's been nonstop, I'm amazed in between my sadness) have to ask a funeral person if that's okay

But then mum's friend, her funeral was today, and they sent her off with - I forget which, but some nice greenery - like, with her - so it must be okay

I know that nana's funeral is going to be in about 2 weeks, but I need to remember to tell dad tomorrow that my granny's one is on the 24th, so if possible to avoid that day, so that I can go to both