#been saving some of this shit since December and now I can finally free them

[wormbagged]

Wicked haul I got! Decided I needed to start collecting SAW merch again 🧩

[teecupangel]

AU where (I've never played Valhalla, bear with me) Aletheia had been lying out her ass about the whole "heir of memories must save the world from the- *spins wheel* ...magnetic field" and the whole thing was a ruse to deliver the staff (and thus, Aletheia) to someone more susceptible to Isu brain manipulation who would do as told and die to revive Basim

Imagine Layla and Desmond in the Grey finding this out and losing their shit, then starting a revenge plot through time to kick Aletheia's ass and free Kassandra (Layla), seduce save some of their ancestors/fellow Assassins along the way (Desmond), and try to keep these two near gods from destroying reality (Clay, whose brain is still a bit fried and doesn't know how he's here but he knows these two idiots are somehow his problem)

It would be fun if it was Clay who told them about Aletheia’s true nature. Hell, if you want to fully kick Aletheia to the villain category, maybe the whole ‘Yggdrassil problem becoming the next catastrophe’ had been her doing in some way, to force Layla to give up her life and Desmond, as the Reader, didn’t see it in the Calculations because he was, after all, not exactly Desmond Miles anymore. To be more accurate, he wasn’t entirely human anymore so he had ignored the ‘emotional element’ of the Calculations.

Clay could have woken up because he felt Layla and she was an anomaly in the sense that she wasn’t meant to die and become part of the Gray in the first place.

It would be Clay and Layla who makes the plan to screw up the timelines to kick Aletheia’s ass and set up the Grand Temple to automatically turn on without the need of anyone operating it on December 21, 2012.

The Reader says that the possibility of success is too low to even try and Layla suggests they find a way for the Reader to regain his humanity and be Desmond Miles once more.

Clay’s grin is full of mischief as he goes “Oh, I have an idea how we can get this idiot back to his old self.”

Cue in Layla and Clay’s “Let’s Fuck Up The Timeline To Save The World!” plan begins.

Layla insists that the best way to fuck up Aletheia’s plans is to destroy the damn polestick (“Isn’t it a-” “Shhhh, we’re calling it a polestick now.” “Yeah, okay.”) before it could get in the hands of Kassandra.

Clay suggests they just punch an old man and take the polestick. Layla is a bit hesitant about that since there was this whole thing about Pythagoras and Kassandra getting into some kind of resolution before he gives the polestick to Kassandra and Kassandra deserves that.

Clay then suggests they hijack the Atlantis memory thing that Kassandra goes thru and take the polestick from Kassandra. Layla says no to that one too since Kassandra would kick their asses.

Clay snorts and points at the Reader with his thumb as he says, “Not this guy.”

“There is a-”

“Fuck the probabilities. We’ll tag team her while Layla runs away with the polestick, okay? All we have to do is keep her busy until the polestick is destroyed.”

“Can you two even handle Kassandra?”

“I’ll have you know we are certified Bleeding Effect graduates… in the sense that the Bleeding Effect has effectively fucked us over.” (sees Layla’s expression) “Which just means Kassandra would have two Ezio Auditores to deal with. It’ll be fun.”

Cue the trio trying to get Kassandra to lower her guard enough for Layla to take the polestick by pretending to be citizens of Elysium.

Their chance finally comes when…

It became clear Kassandra was flirting with Layla.

“I think you should sleep with her for the betterment of mankind.”

“What.”

“Please, you’ll like it. We’ll steal the polestick while she’s busy with you.”

“Oh my god. What are you talking about? I am not having sex with Kassandra!”

“You want to though. This would be the two birds one stone kind of deal.”

“Clay, shut up.”

“Hey, Reader, what’s the success possibility of us getting the polestick if Layla has sex wth Kassandra?”

“Eighty-nine percent.”

“See? That’s the highest success rate we’ve ever got! You gotta take one for the team, Layla.”

“Oh my god.”

Of course, Layla does agree because, let’s face it, she wanted to get some with Kassandra anyway. Then Aletheia starts screaming bloody murder and Kassandra realized something is up.

Cue a chase scene where Clay and the Reader are both running for their lives while Kassandra runs after them and Layla runs after Kassandra.

Some clothes might be missing during the chase.

This is when Clay gets a bright wonderful idea to start Phase 2 of the plan and opens a new portal for another time period.

Kassandra enters the portal as well.

And Layla has no idea where they were. Considering the building architecture she just saw, she was betting somewhere where there were a lot of Muslims?

Oh, god…

They were being chased by knights with-

Oh shit.

They were knights!

She barely heard Clay say, “Your turn, Reader!”

And Clay gives the polestick to the Reader before bodyslamming him straight to a trio of monk-

No.

Assassins.

Oh shit.

Layla remembered those robes.

They were the Assassin robes worn by the Levantine Brotherhood.

The Reader falls on top of one of the Assassins and Clay hides behind the other two as he points at Kassandra, “Brothers! That woman is trying to get an artifact that the Brotherhood has been protecting!”

Oh god.

Oh my god.

Clay was insane.

The knights have also caught up to them.

And they were now surrounded and…

Wait.

Layla focused his attention to the Reader and the Assassin he had toppled and they were still in the ground, staring at each other.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Unorganized Notes:

Clay specifically opened a portal that brought them to Jerusalem just before Altaïr, Malik and Kadar infiltrated Solomon’s Temple.

Clay’s mighty plan to bring Desmond back can be summarized as “get the Reader to remember how much Desmond Miles loved his ancestors……… and maybe get him laid… that might help… we’ll play it by ear.”

Altaïr would be adamant that it wasn’t love at first sight but there was… this strange connection that he couldn’t shook off the moment their eyes met.

The Reader will admit that he did feel something… ‘foreign’ when he saw Altaïr and he agrees that Clay might be on the right track.

Layla is just confused because Clay’s usual plan seems to be to get her and the Reader laid.

Clay doesn’t deny it.

Kassandra becomes a reluctant ally of theirs because she is stranded in this timeline while they charge up their ‘portal juice’. Layla was sure that portal juice was not an actual thing.

The way their time hopping mechanics work is that they need a POE to charge it up and it will completely drain the POE afterwards. For their first portal jump, it was a freebie because they were in the Gray and it had the same ‘power source’ the POEs have. Clay even explains that the Gray is where the main power source of the POEs come from and the Isus just found a way to harness and store it in the POEs.

So they need a new POE to use to get Kassandra back to her time. Layla suggests they use the Apple in Jerusalem but the Reader goes “No.”. This is the first time the Reader had been adamant in his opinion about how the Apple belongs to Altaïr and no one else. Layla stares at Clay with an expression of “holy shit, Clay may be up to something with this whole getting someone to fuck the Reader to bring back Desmond Miles” and Clay just grins at her as if to say “I’m a genius right?”. It should be noted that, at this point, the Reader have not yet been fucked… yet.

That is how far I got because, okay, so my problem is if we continue with the idea that they’re trying to save (and seduce) Desmond’s ancestors (and fellow Assassins), this will be bittersweet since it’s like Desmond would have a relationship with some of them and then break up with them given a long-distance relationship was not viable.

Of course, considering how I write Altaïr, I wouldn’t be surprised if this ends up with the trio going their merry way screwing up the timeline by timehopping and then they later find out that Altaïr had been following them, looking for Desmond, and had been getting stubborn tagalongs along the way who were also looking for Desmond because he’s always a few steps behind the trio. (In other words, Desmond’s harem has been growing and chasing after him the entire time)

This… would be the kind of idea that Clay would definitely be on board with.

Although… considering the Reader is meant to have a connection to the possibilities, this meant that he should have seen this possibility… and did nothing to stop it. Which means… he wanted Altaïr to find the others and chase after him. XD

[crow-in-gotham]

BLOG POST NO. 11 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THIS BITCH (I AM THAT BITCH)

GUESS WHO’S A YEAR INTO ADULTHOOD BITCHES

WOO YEAH CONFETTI CYMBALS TAMBORINES FUCKING ORCHESTRA ENCORE

So yeah I turned 19 and honestly it was the most uneventful bullshit I have ever been a part of— but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So here’s the deal: Lan and Ray both set up a mini birthday party for me (thanks dorks :DDD) after all our classes were done. Ray decided to use his privilege (fucking finally) and booked an entire restaurant for us (Did I mention my friend was rich? Because he is. I hate him /j). He mostly did it because he knows I’m a horrid at anything social related so being in a restaurant full of people would have been nerve wracking— we could have just celebrated it in my apartment, but Lan said something along the lines of “the walls will eat you at this point— you need to touch some fucking grass” so I had no say in the matter.

We also invited Duke and Tim so yay more friends :DDD I went from having zero social life to having a small friend group. We hang out a lot outside of school now, so it's been great :DD

The dorks also gave me gifts which— you know, is nice and all I guess (no I didn’t cry, totally not).

Lan gave me a book I’ve had on my wishlist since forever and honestly thank fuck— I’ll take any free book I can get at this point (my entire collection at home + the one I have in my apartment here are worth a small fortune at this point—). Ray got me a wild assortment of keychains and pins because they know I’ve been meaning to collect more so that’s nice. Honestly I can probably cover a whole bag with the amount they decided to buy me—

Tim and Duke are fucking insane though. You wanna know what these mfs got me? A fucking nintendo switch. Why, you might ask? Because they heard me mention wanting one in passing. Like seriously, I know these two are rich but like holy shit wtf man. I mean thank you obviously but at the same time what the fuck.

Technically they split the gift between them, but Tim was specifically the one who bought the switch, and Duke bought me the games to play on it (Legend of Zelda and Animal Crossing?? Hello???)

(I love my friends— sob)

Overall, pretty great birthday :))) 

I just kinda wish I could come home and visit family

We were on a video call all night after Hood left, but it just doesn’t feel the same way, you know?

Thankfully, I almost have enough money saved for a trip back home. I’ll just have to wait for December to come.

I miss them.

But anyway, happy birthday to me :D

[pyroclaststan]

I said I’d do Kingsley’s half, and I did! (Very late) I might touch this one up later? Not sure. This is pre-Rebirth, some cursing, nothing really needing a CW other than feelings.

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 2317 PST, August 27th 2017] *heavy, laboured breathing* A-answer… this f-f-fucking phone! You fucking c-coward! Bastard! W-w-w— *loud groan and quickened breathing* Where are you! I’m h-here, I’m f-f-fr-free! Come g-get me! I’m here!

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 0247 PST, August 28th 2017] *muffled sobbing* I’m g-gonna fucking… f-fucking kill you… I would n-n-n….. never have left you b-behind… you all l-l-left me behind.

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 2040 PST, September 4th 2017] Ricardo…… ¿L-lo sabías? ¿P-planeaste esto? Sabes que—saves que n-nunca podría resistir la oportunid-dad de p-p-probar que estás equivocado. ¿Era una trampa?

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 0401 PST, September 5th 2017] L-Les-saviez-vous? Je t-t-t-t'ai appelé.

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 0405 PST, September 5th 2017] *quiet breathing*…Je t'ai appelé tant de fois.

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 1412 PST, September 20th 2017] W-when I get b-back there…

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 0833 PST, November 2nd 2017] It’s my b-b-birthday today. The one you gave me. Not that you care, you haven’t for y-ye-years. I’ve only been gone, what? Th-three? It’s only been three years… h-how did you forget me in three years?

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 0607 PST, December 8th 2017] I see that you’re replacing us. F-fuck you. I’m surprised they let you even hire people with how good you are at getting them killed. With how few you leave behind, if they’re even whole anymore. More meat for the R-Rangers grinder, huh? Hope they know how quickly you’ll leave them behind. I hope they don’t trust you like I did.

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 0000PST, January 1st 2018] Happy New Year, Elena, I still owe you champagne. Ricardo… good fucking luck this year.

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 1727 PST, February 14th 2018] Five years ago today, we were very different people in a very different position. We were so young back then, it’s strange to think about it. I used to think you were the sun of Los Diablos: so bright, the centre of anything and everything in the universe.

But just like back then, in those final moments, as I watch sunset… you’re not here. It’s almost funny.

I mean, this whole situation—our whole deal: it’s come full-circle. I started all of this, all of my work, because I hated you and the Rangers. You were the centrifugal fucking force I wanted to stay away from no matter the pull. Because of what you let slip through your fingers—what you took from me, who you allow to get killed. And here I am again, preparing myself to go out there and fight, to face you. Once again motivated by what you’ve taken from me and how much I hate you.

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 2200 PST, February 14th 2018] I hate that I still—

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 0023 PST, February 15th 2018]

I promised my real family I wouldn’t let you get away with it: I wouldn’t let shit excuses for heroes like you all let this city down. I wouldn’t let you all get away with this fucking mediocrity and laziness. I wouldn’t let you rest on your laurels while this city spirals because of what you’re told you can and can’t do. I promised them, and now I promise Anathema, too—and every other person you’ve gotten killed.

…I will always keep that promise…

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 0256 PST, June 12th 2019] I don’t know why I’m still calling or messaging this stupid fucking thing. It’s my own program: I can see how long it’s been since anyone ever touched it. I’m the only one on it. I guess I’m kinda hoping that I find you before you find me. I have been dreaming of the look on your face when you’re finally forced to look at the mess you’ve made, what you’ve created. Your grandest fucking masterpiece. You’ll regret having never retired. You’re getting old, slow, and weak: and I’m coming for you.

I can’t wait for the day I find you.

[Unread Voice Message: Chrysantamum Anonymous. 1124 PST, June 12th 2019] Correction: we’re coming for you. I have a feeling you’re going to love my new friend. Not that that’ll matter in the end. And the end is coming soon. Just you fucking wait.

Good luck, you’re gonna fucking need it: you won’t be forgetting me ever again.

[aconstantstateofbladerunner]

101 Open MHA Gen Prompts

I had a very long ask game where people gave me fake titles and I came up with fic ideas to go with them.  Multiple people asked to use some of them as prompts, and some of my friends have lately maligned the lack of gen prompts out there, so I decided to compile them all into a single post.  Almost all of these are gen, aka not shipping, but you can do what you want I’m not your boss.  Everything is free and open to use WITH CREDIT, so have fun with my word vomit.

1. In Dreams I Had the Sun - Being the number one hero isn’t all it’a cracked up to be, Toshinori realizes early on

2. The Chainlink Fence that Held the Ocean - In his new book post-retirement, All Might opens up about his regrets, struggles with mental health, and his issues with the hero system as a whole.  The backlash is swift and intense.

3. Welcome to the Loud Silence - After an injury, Izuku is rendered deaf.

4. Water Since Turned Red - After a villain attack nearly kills All Might, the beach where Izuku used to go to find comfort now feels tainted.

5. all scrap left untouched is bound together - A group hero students who failed the provincial license exam for the third time, effectively ending their careers before they start, get together to take revenge on UA’s first years who beat them out.

6. You’ve saved more more times than you know - Times All Might saved people without his powers, just by being a cool, nice dude.

7. No Amount of Tragedy Can Justify Your Actions - A dying All for One tries to justify his centuries of cruelty to an uncaring Toshinori.

8. To Leave a Cage Locked - One for All is conscious and has a will of its own, one that doesn’t always line up with Izuku’s wellbeing.

9. Okay, who let in the Kraken? - Izuku is the reincarnation of an ancient eldritch horror.

10. keep us alive up above - Izuku and Shigaraki get trapped together somewhere.  Izuku knows he needs the villain’s help to survive and escape, but the other would rather they both die.

11. The world will revolve around me neither less - The ebbs and flows of AFO’s influence over the years.

12. More Roulette, Not Russian - Kids get their quirks swapped.

13. Patron Saints - Toshinori teaches a class about pre-quirk superhero comic characters and their influence.

14. Don't Come Back - Touya Todoroki’s first few weeks after a severe injury resulted in his father abandoning him.

15. The Blessed and the Fool - Toshinori meets up with a few of his ua classmates after retiring.

16. Not Your Sacrifice - Some of the other kids have started adopting some of Izuku’s self sacrificing habits and the teachers are concerned.

17. Break in the Storm - Villains use a power outage as an opening to break into ua.

18. One Day Those Consequences Will Finally Catch Up - Even though the teachers don’t take her concerns seriously, Inko saves every piece of evidence regarding people hurting her son.

19. a garden in their eyes - Izuku meets a fan who got injured after trying to step into a villain fight, just like he did, and it makes him question some things.

20. what could have been, if not for you - After Inko divorces him, Hisashi’s goes to the press to say All Might stole his wife and son.

21. Promised Misery - All Might finds out the severity of Bakugou’s bullying, and warns him he’s on thin ice with him.

22. Fly Up Higher, Blossom Brighter - Izuku has to write a paper for middle school about being positive, intercut with all the bullshit he has to deal with.

23. Libre Me from Hell - One of Izuku’s new quirks is spiral related.

24. No One to Blame but Yourself - Izuku’s kindness doesn’t extend to murderers, tragic backstory or not.

25. At Its Finest - Izuku accidentally gets involved in a hero commission coverup.

26. A Rising Issue - Izuku starts developing more severe side effects of his injuries.  He’s convinced he’s under the influence of a quirk, while the adults thing he’s finally gone too far hurting himself.

27. What you are in the Dark - Izuku usually keeps most of his anger to himself until he can’t.

28. nowhere to go - Inko moves into UA after their home was destroyed.

29. Something Without - My theory about the 2 OFA vestiges that are blurred out is they don’t approve of izuku as a successor.  Izuku tries to figure out why. 

30. Walking with a Ghost - Toshinori joins the OFA dreams while he’s in a coma.  He gets to reunite with nana, and is more open to Izuku about his past and feelings.  Part of his starts to wonder if it’s worth waking up, since he will die and join the others eventually.

31. Death By Crying - Izuku is affected by a quirk that will suffocate him if he expresses any emotion.

32. Justice is Subjective - The hero commission gets to Shigaraki before AFO does.  

33. Undo / Underdog - Death loop fic.  Izuku keeps reliving the day he met all might after being killed by the sludge villain.  he has to find a way to break the loop and survive, but he gets s little weaker every time he restarts.

34. Like Wildfire - A rumor that Izuku is All Might’s bio son picks up steam, and the characters have to decide whether to deny it but risk suspicion or play along and add a new layer to the lies protecting one for all.

35. Once Upon A December - All Might and Inko actually met in the past trope.

36. Some Legends Are Told - All Might’s first interview post-retirement.

37. Will The Real Mentor Please Stand Up - Aizawa considers himself the better teacher, but a lot of the kids seem to like All Might more.

38. I don't want the cure, I want the POISON! - Inko is killed in a hit and run, and Izuku becomes desperate to find the killer.

39. I will kill my heart before I dance on stage for these bigots - Izuku is interviewed as a rising star of UA, and the interviewer brings in some of his old bullies because they claimed to be his friends from middle school.  Izuku does not play along.

40. Split Ends - A quirk gives Izuku brief visions of what would have happened if he made different decisions.

41. Dreamless Sleep - A One for All dream leaves Izuku with a cryptic half-warning, and he desperately experiments to try and figure out how to trigger the visions to get the rest of it.

42. toxic flowers and pretty blades - Young Inko escapes the constricting life of her cruel wealthy family by becoming a vigilante.

43. The Suns we Orbit - Some of the other teachers believe Izuku is too codependent on Toshinori, and separate them for a time.

44. Submerged - Similar to those buried alive fics only someone’s in a box at the bottom of the ocean.

45. Deprive - Izuku also loses his stomach to an injury, and struggles to adjust to the necessary lifestyle changes.

46. The ashes fall like snow - Post Kamino cleanup.

47. Home will always be here - Inko cares for Izuku after he’s sent home due to “trouble at work study” but he refuses to clarify what that means.

48. Playing Favorites - A look at several times where Izuku was punished, while Bakugou got off scot free.

49. Elusive Dreams - Some kind of training or issue forces the kids to stay away for several consecutive day, and they start losing it.

50. Fracture - Izuku struggles through physical therapy after a severe injury that leaves his hero career in question.

51. Starlight, Starbright - Space cadet au

52. Someone in Your Corner - Gran Torino looking after Nana, Toshi, and finally Izuku through the years.

53. I cast magic missile into the darkness - Generic “the gang plays d&d” fic.

54. One Month At A Time - Izuku breaks a limb, and has to let in heal naturally over the course of several months.

55. Head Above Water - Izuku runs out of his pain meds and can’t get access to more doses for a while, so he has to endure not only the pain, but the withdrawal symptoms.

56. Are you going to leave a path to trace - All Might uses a new strategy to try and get Izuku to be less self sacrificial: what about all the young kids who are going to look up to him?

57. The View from Halfway Down - Izuku realizes that a risky move has just landed him with a potentially life threatening injury, but the fight it still going.

58. The Dust Bites Back - A villain All Might defeated early in his career is back and out for revenge.

59. The Absence of your Worth - Nighteye thinks he’s put together a rock solid case for why izuku isn’t worthy of One for All.  All Might’s response is to ask if he has something against quirkless people.

60. Behind the Screens Nobody is Afraid - All Might explains some of the context of his most popular hero videos to Izuku.  They are much more tragic than the media has spun them in hindsight.

61. Under the Light of the Moon - Someone gets turned into a werewolf.  And I ain’t talking the wattpad piss shit.  I’m talking full-on back-breaking monstrous transformations into a bloodthirsty abomination set to Bad Moon Rising.

62. some dreams were made to be broken - Bakugou crosses a line and finally gets expelled.

63. You Say You're Into Closure - Izuku finally beats Bakugou in a one on one fight fair and square, but Bakugou is a sore loser.

64. Something or Someone Missing - AU’s memories of Izuku get wiped, but those closest to him can’t help but feel an absence.

65. Too Little Too Late - Izuku’s father returns to find he’s been replaced.

66. Collecting Dust - Inko goes through the stuff Izuku didn’t take to the dorms.

67. Where the souls of wanderers go - Toshi meets up with a retired hero support group.

68. Fragility of Trust - Suspected traitor au

69. no one answered - Izuku is trapped in a cell in a building that’s collapsing in slow motion due to a quirk.

70. Eye of the Storm - One of the other kids has a panic attack for the first time between public appearances.  izuku has never seen from from the outside.

71. To Whom It May Concern - The kids find a mysterious collection of letters from previous students hidden in the ceiling of the classroom.  Some are ominous, some are incomprehensible.  Aizawa has no answers.  They enthusiastically go to try and solve the mystery within, but that excitement quickly diminishes the more they find out.

72. Of Popsicles and Ponytails - All Might gets in a discussion with the other teachers about whether the Clark Kent glasses thing would actually work.  All Might bets them it does, so he goes around town with no disguise other than his hair being up, and no one bats an eye.

73. All Men are Not Born Equal - Word gets out to the public that izuku used to be quirkless.  Everyone finds out just how deep anti-quirkless sentiments run when some begin to question whether a quirkless kid should be at ua, regardless of whether or not he has a quirk now.

74. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies - Something about encountering death in person for the first time being the dividing line between child and adult.

75. Sins of the Father - All for One has had many children over the centuries, and has made numerous attempts to groom them into the ideal heir with several different methods.  None of them worked though.

76. Where The Dead Come To Rest - The kids come home after a long, grueling mission where they saw some shit, and are too tired to process what they went through.  They take off their gear for plain clothes, then sit in the common room in silence long into the night, not wanting to open themselves up but also not wanting to be alone.

77. Rivalry - Nighteye tries to pit Izuku and Mirio against one another.  It goes right over Mirio’s head, but Izuku becomes convinced the other boy is in on Nighteye’s plan to wear him down until he gives up One for All.

78. A Subtle Language - All Might and Nana never said out loud that they loved each other, but little things told them that they did.  All Might hopes to pass a similar love down to his own successor.  But Izuku is very different than himself as a kid, and he needs to learn a new subtle language of affection.

79. It’s Gone - One for All stops working one day.

80. A Sight For Sore Eyes - All Might looking after Izuku in the aftermath of the second movie.

81. Loose Lips (sink ships) - Bakugou blurts out something about One for All during a rage, so the rest of the class jump on him and Izuku for answers.

82. No Expectations - Word gets out that All Might is going to choose a successor.  None of the theories or speculation online resemble Izuku in the slightest.

83. Eden was Only a Garden - Izuku gets hit with a quirk that erases some of his most traumatic memories, but in doing so loses part of who he is.

84. Run it Down - With all Izuku’s new quirks and his incredible skill, some of the other students with similar powers (Iida, Sero, Uraraka) start to feel like izuku is upstaging them.  And it affects their friendship.

85. Fool's Gold - Bakugou grows even more jealous of Izuku having One for All, and his relationship with All Might.  He thinks that if he could just prove himself to be more worthy, All Might would change his mind and name him his successor.  But in reality, he ends up jeopardizing the relationship they already have.

86. somewhere down the road - The final deadline for Nighteye’s predictions passes, and All Might lives.  He debates telling Izuku, as even though it would be a weight off the boy’s mind, he doesn’t want to jinx it.  He will still die eventually after all.

87. Just For You - All Might has certain rules and boundaries for fan interactions that he completely ignores for Izuku.

88. if these walls could talk (their whispers would be maddening) - Montage of training accidents in a ‘cursed’ ua gym

89. If Only I Could... - Nighteye tells Mirio about One for All, including that he thinks he’s more deserving than Izuku and he plans to pressure him into giving it up.  Mirio struggles with the knowledge that his mentor, someone he respected more than anything, only saw him as a replacement for All Might, meanwhile watching Izuku strain under the pressure of that mentor’s impossible expectations.

90. This is a Test Designed to Provoke an Emotional Response - shameless Blade Runner AU

91. Once and for All - Retelling of the Superman story “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice, and the American Way?” with All Might.  Some new heroes use much more aggressive and violent tactics against villains while also upstaging All Might.  That, and there general approval from the public cause All Might to question his moral code.

92. Sitting In The Rain - Tsuyu likes to just sit out in the rain sometimes.  Not do anything, just sit there.  Some friends decide to join her.

93. At Sundown - Mysterious creatures start attacking ua every night.  The gang works tirelessly during the day to find the cause and a solution, while defending their school and each other at night.

94. The 1000th time's the charm - Uraraka has been practicing a new move in secret but they just can’t get it right.  She wants it to be perfect before showing it off.  But one attempt gets her seriously hurt while training alone at night in one of the gyms, and she’s too hurt to get up to the phone to call for help.

95. Sunflower Seeds - All Might attempts to start a garden as a new hobby.

96. What It Means To Be Human - Sun god Toshi starts living among people.

97. Eyes on Me - All Might teaches Izuku some unarmed fighting moves to defend himself from bullies.

98. one remains - Izuku has developed all but one of the quirks he’s slated to, and he has no idea what it will be.  Anxiety ensues.

99. Come Back Home - Izuku vanishes from campus and everyone assumes he was kidnapped, but in reality he ran away to try and clear his head after a depressive spiral.  He goes by train as far away as he can until he comes to his senses and calls the others.

100. I Won - Izuku accidentally managed to kill Shigaraki during a skirmish, and while everyone around him praises his heroics, he struggles to deal with the fact that he killed someone.

101. Ivory Tower - All Might grapples with how much izuku suffered as a quirkless person, how he could have done more for quirkless rights in his time as a hero, and how now people may not care as much because he’s retired.

Reminder to credit me if you use any of these prompts, and a special thanks to everyone who submitted titles!

[writingmyheartsout]

..Lost on You..

So this been...unexpected even for me. I have planned a some sort of fluff December but i really don’t know how much i will write, mostly short things since my brain is busy with real life too.

But this some sort of AU kept on living rent free in my mind so i had to do something about it..

this is for @plexflexico​ ...a modern coffee shop au with Paz (consider this a “the start” of the story...so if you ever want to use it and writing down the whole thing, please do :D)

___

It was a new beginning, a new life, and a brand-new city, completely foreign to her eyes. But it was what she needed after years spent thinking about what to do, years that took everything away from her, that had led her to run away from everything she was once familiar with.

This place had always been her happy place in her dreams, so when the opportunity presented itself she took it without thinking twice.

But a new life alone and a new job to support herself also meant new responsibilities...

And there she was, waking up early, ready to face another day. She was confident enough to be able to give her best even today, even if she wasn’t fully awake yet. After all, getting up early was never her forte, but things change...for better or for worse.

For this reason, she had also found the solution for this small problem.

A small and cozy cafe right on the way to work. There, they were able to make a superb coffee), the perfect balance between sweet and bitter, and where the friendly environment reminded her of home in some way.

After quickly getting dressed, and almost forgetting the latest project she spent all night on that needed approval that morning, she left the house. Next stop: Martìn cafè. 

Oh good hell... it's snowing too now? - she murmured as soon as she found herself on the street, seeing everything covered in white around her.

It was not unusual to snow so much overnight during the month of December, but right now it was something she didn't need at all. She was already in a hurry, and slowing down her pace to be more careful trying not to slip was definitely a problem. So when she finally entered the cafe, she stopped right at the door to warm up and remove the little bit of snow that had gotten on her.

She really wanted to stay, maybe to sit down and stare outside at the falling flakes. But thanks to this snowy surprise, she was already late.

"One medium black coffee on the go with two sugar, please," she said, ordering without even looking as she reached into her bag for her wallet. 

"Would you like something to eat with it?" the man behind the counter asked, as he was quickly taking the order.

"No..." she was about to answer but the words died in her mouth as soon as she lifted her head.

She knew everyone who worked in that place, but not the man who was standing in front of her now. She had never seen him, tall and broad, with very short hair, a beard, and arms full of tattoos; he looked like someone you might easily find in a pub or riding a motorcycle, but instead... he was there, smiling, with a ridiculous apron on and a t-shirt that was definitely a size down.

"Ma'am...?" the same man asked again, concerned...

Damn it, why am I staring at him now?

"Sorry...I'm still a little tired, I haven't been sleeping well lately," she replied awkwardly, hoping that he hadn't noticed anything.

Why am I even telling him that...

"So, nothing to eat then..." the man inquired once again.

"No, not this time, thank you" she replied while paying, smiling at him as she felt her cheeks blush a little...

"Alright, your order is coming right away..." he told her and winked at her before going over to the coffee machine to prepare it.

"Thank you," she added, nearly whispering, as she sat down on a stool nearby to wait.

Now that she was taking a better look at him, she had never seen him there at all...she would have certainly remembered someone so handsome and…

Do you really think you have time for that? Last time, it was a complete disaster 

But a girl can dream, right?

Save yourself the trouble…forget it

Well, thanks ... very encouraging. 

The last time she had been with someone, it was really a mess. So much that she almost lost part of her sanity... now it was definitely not the time: she had already set her limits and her priorities. Men, even good-looking ones were not among them.

He's too much for you anyway 

Thank you brain, what a way to cheer me up.

She was deep in her thoughts when someone cleared his throat.

She blinked slightly and looked up…

Oh..damn he's even prettier up close

Shut up!

"Here you go, medium black coffee with two sugar" he announced with a smile so bright and genuine that she felt her cheeks turning red again.

"T-thank you...." she barely stuttered out, when her phone buzzed.

"Shit... I have to run" she exclaimed all of a sudden as she stood up and rushed towards the door "...thank you" she added, turning around one last time before leaving.

"My pleasure, have a good day..." the man replied with a wink as he was still leaning against the counter.

She was definitely late now and whether it was snowing or not, she had to run. But to her delight, once outside, she saw that the sidewalk was mostly empty and the remaining flakes were melting away.

As she started to drink the first sip of coffee, she looked down at her cup to see that there was something, some kind of writing...

Weird, usually they don't do that 

Looking closely, she almost dropped its entire content on the ground. It seemed that the new employee had been very clever and thoughtful, as he had left a very unexpected but highly appreciated message, written in a nice handwriting.

-next time you’re in, name's Paz- 

Good-looking and smart, that was a very dangerous combination, but maybe, she could give it a try. Flirting costs nothing and could be fun if done the proper way.

___

hope that the inner dialogue is understandable...have fun <3

also any error, something i missed...or anything else just tell me. I’m not the expert on starts...i’m usually very bad at those..if it feel awkward, that’s me trying...

*edited a lil bit more, since i’ve posted it at 2 in the morning and i was tired.

[makeste]

I just took that Bakugou introspection as Horikoshi's way of telling the audience that yes Bakugou can keep up with OP Deku because there has been so much muttering across the fanbase that Bakugou won't be able to. I don't see the melodrama of Bakugou only seeing his strength as a means to keep up with Deku or that his pride is problematic. I think him having an idea for his hero names means he knows what his strength is for. He's always been strong as a person (when Deku was not) (pt1)

Losing his quirk doesn't need to be the gateway to force him to develop the kindness and consideration he's already been showing, nor would it be karmatic balance between him and Deku- especially when any scenario that takes his quirk benches him from the story or cheapens the stakes by him getting it back relatively fast. Deku's 15 years of quirklessness can't be balanced. Additionally, Bakugou only lost in the story when he was too close minded to learn, once open minded he started to (pt2)

grow. It doesn't send out a good message, if after all that growth he still gets punished. His declaration of spirit to not lose, be it to Shigaraki or Deku is not a bad thing, he is the underdog with an indominable will and he is declaring his spirit as the symbol of victory. Bakugou may lose his quirk, I don't know, but your reasons I disagree with because we interpret those panels differently. They give the audience a point of reference to guage Bakugou's ability.

you make some excellent points, anon! and you see, it’s strange, because up until this chapter and his monologue, I was in full agreement with most of what you’re saying -- that he’s already figured out all of that hero biz, that he’s already in the process of sorting his shit out on his own, and that Horikoshi is simply waiting for the right moment to finally show it.

but after reading his internal dialogue in this chapter, I’m just not so sure anymore.

in the past I’ve done a lot of guesswork on Kacchan’s thought processes based on his subtle little actions and microexpressions, and on what we’ve already been told about his character thus far. I call it “guesswork”, though, because it very much is that, because we so rarely get an actual glimpse into his head to see what he is really thinking. so when Horikoshi actually does give us one of those rare glimpses, I’m inclined to pay very close attention, and prepared to make any necessary adjustments to my current understanding of his character if need be. he is very, very complicated, and despite my spending an absurd percentage of my free time analyzing him up and down and front to back, that absolutely doesn’t mean that any of those analyses are actually right, lols. I’m constantly updating my internal databank of Kacchan knowledge both from interactions with the rest of the fandom, and -- when Horikoshi actually deigns to give us some new information -- from the canon itself.

anyway! so when I read this chapter and saw Kacchan yet again comparing his progress to Deku’s in his head, and thinking -- even now, even in the moments right before an intense battle!! -- only about his rivalry and about keeping up, that immediately set me to updating my mental bakuwiki in regards to his current character growth status. so he definitely has his hero name picked out already, we know that much. and so presumably has thus already figured out what kind of hero he wants to be. right? right.

and yet he still apparently has not revealed the new name to anyone. even after three months. like yeah, we get it, you made a promise to tell Jeanist first, etc. fair enough, but still! it’s an interesting bit of hesitation to take note of. and then there’s also the matter of Horikoshi’s interview from back in December (which I’ll link in a comment once this is posted), where he talked a lot about Bakugou and made a point of saying that his character growth wasn’t done yet, and that he still needs to apologize to Deku. which is as good a confirmation as any that such an apology is indeed forthcoming.

so why, then, does it seem like we’re still no closer to that moment, even after Kacchan seemingly had a mysterious epiphany at the end of the internship arc, and even after we subsequently went through a three month time jump? Kacchan isn’t one to be slow about it when he decides to make progress. his growth in all other aspects has come by leaps and bounds. and yet when it comes to his relationship with Deku -- his friendship with Deku, except that he still can’t bring himself to acknowledge that’s what it is, and insists on thinking of it as only a rivalry -- it seems like he reached a certain point, and then just... stalled. like he’s not willing to go any further past this. and there are many reasons for why that may be the case. but at the root of all of them is pride.

and I’m not saying he needs to give up that pride, because that’s a huge and very important part of who he is. you said his declaration of spirit not to lose isn’t a bad thing, and I agree. but that doesn’t always make it a good thing either, and I don’t want to get so swept up in my love of the character that I start refusing to acknowledge the downsides of that trademark pride as well. pride, like anything else, is nuanced. it can be both good and bad. it’s good when it motivates you and pushes you to do your best and to achieve your goals. but it’s bad when it makes you inflexible, and when it prevents you from taking actions which would benefit you and others, just because doing so would mean humbling yourself in a way that is scary and which feels like it runs counter to your ultimate goals. because you want to be someone who always wins. and so any time you do experience a loss, you go through an entire mini-crisis, because it feels like your very purpose in life is being threatened.

I don’t know if “problematic” is the word I would use for this aspect of him. I feel like that word is fairly overused, especially in fandom, and now has certain connotations of “this is objectively bad behavior which should be called out and shunned.” and I don’t think that’s the case at all when it comes to Kacchan’s pride. he’s already learned how to put it aside in order to work with others and save others. and that’s great! he already is a great hero by this point, imo. if Horikoshi decided to just end his character arc here and not take it any further, I would actually be just fine with that.

but I think that there is still the potential for more. I think that we are still not done here yet. because this manga consistently surprises and amazes me with the way it goes the extra mile when it comes to character development. Kacchan and Deku didn’t have to reconcile their differences and learn to respect one another after only 120 chapters (I say “only” in a very sincere and not sarcastic sense here, because that really is an insanely short timeframe compared to most other manga). but they did. Endeavor didn’t have to see the error of his ways and decide that he wanted to become a better person, and he definitely didn’t have to be shown apologizing and admitting his wrongdoings and even going so far as to back out of his family’s lives for their sakes and even build them a house so they could move on apart from him. but he did! and that’s insane, you guys. name me another series that goes that hard in trying to redeem a guy whom virtually every single member of this fandom would have once described as ultimately devoid of any redeeming qualities. I can’t think of any.

but BnHA is just like that. it goes hard. it doesn’t back off. nothing about its character arcs is remotely half-assed. and so if a character is showing signs that they are still angling for more growth? that there are still things they need to learn? then I’m inclined to think we are going to roll up our sleeves and get that growth, one way or another.

this story consistently amazes me because whenever I look at a certain aspect of a character’s development and say to myself, “oh hey, that’s pretty awesome, even if it’s still not ideal,” Horikoshi goes and nudges it down another notch towards being ideal. like, the dude just doesn’t settle. and so that’s one of the reasons why I’m convinced this is a very real and even likely possibility. because this kind of development, to me, would be very, very, very close to my ideal. is it strictly necessary? absolutely not. would it fucking blow my mind as a development, however? I kinda think it would, ngl.

-- that is, with the one addendum that since I do love my son very dearly, I wouldn’t want it to actually be permanent. so in order to be truly ideal, such an arc would also have to include a way for him to climb back up again after experiencing that fall. which some might find contrived or “cheap”, as you put it. but that’s a risk I’m very selfishly and biasedly game for all the same, lol. I am more than willing to occasionally suspend my sense of disbelief in the name of character development, and honestly, I don’t actually think it would cheapen the stakes in any way, because just because Kacchan’s main character status gives him cool perks like a one-time get-out-of-losing-your-quirk-for-free card doesn’t mean the same would apply towards anybody else. and for that matter, it wouldn’t detract from whatever soul searching Kacchan does during that period while he fully believes that he will be quirkless for the rest of his life, either. it doesn’t have to be permanent in order to have a permanent impact.

lastly, in regards to it balancing things out between him and Deku, I don’t mean that Kacchan becoming quirkless would (a) be some sort of necessary and deserved punishment for him, or (b) be even remotely equivalent in any kind of way to what Deku experienced while growing up. that is very obviously not the case, and I can’t stand that kind of thinking, that redemption is only about punishment. maybe “karmic” isn’t the word I should have used then; I meant it as a way of signifying something spiritual in the push-pull balance between the two of them, not in the “what goes around comes around you were a jerk and now you’ll finally understand what it feels like” sense of the word. that’s a big yikes, lol. so yeah, just to clarify that part of it!

what I mean by balance is that it would serve as a catalyst to Kacchan finally being able to understand Deku’s side of it. finally being able to see things from the point of view of his rival-friend who’s had the exact opposite arc as him in terms of what he had to do and go through and learn and unlearn to get this far. it would serve as a means of finally bridging that one last gap of understanding between them. it would bring things back into balance because it would bring them back into balance, by giving them the push to finally mend that one last broken part of their former friendship. the part that’s still untouched by both of them, because they’re both afraid of disrupting the current semi-stable truce that they have now in their relationship. even if it’s not perfect. not, if you’ll pardon my use of the word yet again, ideal.

tl;dr I see Bakugou’s introspection as being a lead-in to something potentially game-changing both because I want it to be, and because, as strange as it may seem, the manga has conditioned me to think this way now. to have expectations. to anticipate more depth, more growth. so it may be the case that in this instance I’ve taken those expectations too far and I need to temper them back down and swing them in a less angsty, more traditionally shounen direction. and like I said, if that does wind up being the case, I won’t be upset.

but maybe, just maybe though, this manga will in fact go there once again. if for no other reason than that it can. “Horikoshi really went and did that” is a sentence I’ve gotten very used to typing since I started reading this manga. and so, well, let’s just wait and see.

[clumsyclifford]

every weekend in the winter you’d be wearing my hoodie

hello i am back with more t-shirt ‘verse jalex because i cannot seem to write anything else and also they bring me just IMMENSE joy. so much happiness

this is straight fluff it’s just a shot of fluff direct to the veins it does not pass go or collect two hundred dollars. it’s fluff. also, it was written for the prompt “it’s hand-holding season” but i cannot figure out if (a) i lost the original person who sent the prompt or (b) i just saved the prompt because i liked it and ended up unintentionally prompting myself ???? but either way here it is

title is from nina by ed sheeran great song :)))

(part 1) (part 2)

read it here on ao3

It’s cold outside as the clock flips from 11:59 on November 30th to 12:00 on December 1st, but not cold enough to stop Jack from saying, “Let’s go for a walk.”

Alex looks away from the commercial currently muted on the TV, giving Jack a patented are-you-serious look. “Right now?”

“Yes, right now. It’s December! Happy December! Let’s go for a walk.” Jack gives him a cheesy smile. Alex is not yet immune to Jack’s cheesy smiles and they both know it.

Not for lack of trying, though. “Jack, it’s cold out.”

“It’s only, like…” Jack clicks his phone screen on. “Forty-five degrees. That’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, it’s thirteen degrees above freezing.”

Jack rolls his eyes. “Don’t be boring. Be interesting. Be an interesting boy. Come take a walk with me. I’m going with or without you.” He holds a fist up to his mouth as if carrying an imaginary microphone and croons, “With or without youuuuu…”

Alex huffs. “Fine,” he says, smiling and shaking his head. “You’re lucky I love you or I wouldn’t do this shit for you, you know.”

“Oh, I know,” Jack says, and he does know. He knows he’s lucky Alex loves him. Anyone would be. Jack has never been the type to count his blessings, but he thinks having Alex in his life means he just might start. There must be someone he can thank. Alex is too perfect to just have swept into his life on good fortune.

They grab sweatshirts — Alex takes one of Jack’s and Jack takes Alex’s — and head out the door, down the stairwell, and outside. Jack braces himself for a chilly breeze, but there isn’t one. In fact, it’s kind of nice, actually.

Apart from the way it’s forty-five degrees out. Other than that, it’s nice.

The air is cold on Jack’s face and his hands. He pulls the sleeves of Alex’s hoodie over his fingers, but he can still feel an icy chill settling itself into his bones. Well. Whatever. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made. 

Jack looks over at Alex and smiles, almost without meaning to. “Smells like December,” Alex says, before Jack can open his mouth. “Don’t you think?” 

Jack sniffs the air, but it just smells cold. That’s probably what December smells like, he supposes. “Yeah.”

“I bet it’ll snow soon,” Alex muses, arms crossed over his chest. “It smells like it’s gonna snow.”

“What does that even mean? You can’t smell that kind of thing.” 

“Yeah, it’s like metallic, kind of?”

“Snow smells like metal?” Jack raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “I thought you were supposed to a be a teacher.”

Alex smacks Jack’s shoulder. “I am a teacher, you moron. Show me some respect.”

“No way. I’ve never had a single teacher worthy of respect.”

“What? Not one? Come on.”

Alex sounds genuinely distressed by the prospect of Jack’s academic experience being one terrible educator after another, and Jack caves. “Fine. I’ve had a few.” He steals a glance at Alex. “All my music teachers have been good.”

Alex smiles widely. “You’re just saying that.”

“Please, am I the kind of person who would ‘just say that’?”

“No,” Alex admits, shifting closer to Jack with his next step. “I’m happy to hear that. Everyone should have a few good teachers.”

“You’re changing lives, Alex Gaskarth,” Jack says airily, reaching with one hand to pat Alex’s cheek, which is partially obscured by the hood of the stolen sweater. “All your students are going to grow up to be washed-up pencil pushers with hot boyfriends.” Alex laughs. “Does it feel good?”

“Feels great,” Alex says. His shoulder brushes Jack’s as he swings his arm by his side. “Why the fuck aren’t we holding hands?”

“It’s cold.”

Alex snorts, which sounds suspiciously like I told you so, but instead he says, “Nuh-uh. It’s December. It’s hand-holding season. If we’re ever going to hold hands, it’s gotta be now.”

Jack huffs, like it’s some huge chore to hold hands with Alex, and pulls the sleeve on his right arm up enough to link his fingers with Alex’s. “No wonder you became a teacher. You’re the bossiest person I’ve ever met.”

Alex laughs. His laugh fills so much space. Jack would love to record it and make it his alarm sound, would love to wake up to Alex’s laugh every morning. “If you didn’t want to be cold, you shouldn’t have gone on a walk. In forty-five degree weather.” Aaaand there it is.

“It’s nice,” Jack insists. It is nice. Even with the chill, and even though their surroundings are mostly just more apartment buildings, and even though the artificial light from the street lamps is washing the world in a hideous shade of yellow, and even though every step they take away from Jack’s place means another step they’ll have to take back towards it when they finally turn around, and even though it’s forty-five degrees out…

To hold hands and walk with Alex, anything would be nice. 

“Yeah,” Alex sighs, and he doesn’t even sound disappointed about it.

They’re walking to the school, Jack realizes a few minutes later, and sure enough a couple minutes after that the familiar building comes into view. Jack squeezes Alex’s hand. “Are you allowed to be here on weekends? Like, does that break some kind of teacher code?”

“Yes,” Alex says seriously. “We take the teacher code very seriously. If you’re caught at school during non-school hours you get taken to teacher prison.”

“Ooh, a rule-breaker,” Jack says, grinning. “Very exciting. Lucky for you, I’m amazing at sneaking around school buildings, since it is about ninety percent of what I did in high school.”

“Shocker.” There’s a smile in Alex’s voice. He lifts their conjoined hands to point at the main double doors. “Should we try them? Just in case?”

“You are such a bad influence,” Jack admonishes as they make for the entrance. “What if an alarm goes off?”

“Then we’ll have a story to tell.” And with that Alex marches them up the stairs to the doors and pulls on the handle with his free one.

It’s locked. Obviously.

Nothing happens, so they try the other door, and nothing happens with that one either. Defeated, they both step back. Jack studies the door, trying to see past it, but the halls inside are darkened and the light from the lamps outside reflect too much off the glass to see anything beyond. “I can’t believe I’ve still never been inside.”

“Someday,” Alex says. It holds a lot of promise, that someday. Jack is in love with the idea of a someday, a million somedays with Alex. Of not knowing when someday will be, but knowing that they’ll be together long enough to eventually reach it.

“Someday,” he agrees, looking over at Alex just as Alex looks at him. At this angle, his face is hidden in shadows, so Jack leans closer, smiling like he’s never learned to do anything else. Alex obligingly meets him halfway for a kiss, sending warmth all the way through Jack’s body and momentarily lifting the chill from under his skin.

“We can make out in the music room, it’ll be just like tenth grade,” Jack says, smirking. Alex chuckles, shaking his head.

“I hope it’ll be a little bit better than tenth grade.”

“A little bit.” A lot. A fucking lot. Tenth-grade Jack could never in a million years have dreamt of being so happy right now, with a boyfriend this perfect and amazing. Jack from sophomore year wouldn’t fathom being this in love, enough to be self-sacrificial. 

Tenth-grade Jack was a selfish asshole, though, so he wouldn’t have deserved it.

“Seriously,” Alex says quietly, looking not at Jack but through the double doors. “Someday soon. You should meet the other people I work with, the people in my department and everything. It’s a big part of my life, and I — I want you in it.”

Jack’s heart beats extra hard, although by now he’s used to that as a natural byproduct of being in a relationship with Alex. “I want to meet your co-workers,” he says. “Michael and Calum sucked when I met them, though, so if the rest of them are that bad —”

“Shut up,” Alex says, but he’s laughing, echoey in the small space between them, the doors, and the brick of the building. “You loved Michael and Calum. Anyway, my coworkers are great. You guys will get along.”

“Good.”

“I want to meet your coworkers too.”

“You really don’t.”

“I do!”

“You met Zack already.”

“I haven’t met Luke and Ashton even though you’ve repeatedly told me we’d get along great.”

“I was lying.” Alex makes a disbelieving nose, and Jack smiles despite himself. “Okay, fine. We should figure that out, then.”

Alex hums. “Mm, another time.” He lifts their intertwined hands and loops his arm around Jack, then rests his head against Jack’s shoulder. “You were right. This is nice.”

It’s always nice with you, Jack thinks. He kisses whatever part of Alex’s face he can reach and bites down on a silly smile. “Love you.”

Alex sighs contentedly. They’ll head back in a moment, but Jack is more than happy to stand here and soak up the obvious joy that Alex emanates being somewhere he treasures so much. Even in forty-five degrees, Jack feels warm around Alex, and he suspects that will never change.

[purplesurveys]

1180

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? Yeah, I’m pretty paranoid and always feel the need to use conditioner because of a bad rebonding job from like a decade ago that stiffened up my hair as soon as it would get wet. It lasted for around a year, so I formed the habit of always using conditioner every time I shower. I don’t think I’ve ever used just shampoo since then.

Do you prefer light or dark jeans?  Dark, but I suppose it would be nice to start experimenting with lighter shades as well.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen?  It depends if I know the lyrics or I’m feeling the song at the moment. Obviously with my new obsession with BTS I can’t really sing along to entire songs, but I do sing the few English lyrics they have per song, hahaha.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook?  Yeah but she’s been muted for like half a year already, as is the rest of her family. I do have plans to unfriend her entirely; I’m just not sure when I would push through with it, and I already gave Angela permission to log onto my account one of these days to be the one to do the unfriending.

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person?  Gabie. I miss the friendship sometimes; I don’t think I’ll have a friendship as deep and connected as the one we had, so I will always feel sorry about how that went to waste. But I don’t really think about our relationship anymore as I’m pretty good at blocking off certain memories, so I don’t miss her in that sense.

How many cars are parked at your house right now?  Two.

Do you have any Italian ancestry?  I highly doubt so. If anything there’s probably a tiny drop Spanish blood in there but that’s the most European I’ll ever get.

Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature?  Like, drinking water? Ice cold, always. I hate warm water.

Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak?  Not to my face, but I know I’m one so I’m sure other people have said that about me at least behind my back.

Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found?  Yes, my friend Mik and one of my aunts. They were both found eventually.

What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten?  Eating ghost pepper instant noodles was a pain I would never want to go through again...I threw that shit out after my first forkful, lmao.

Do you need to talk to someone?  No, not in particular. In a more general sense I do wanna start gaining more friends though, so I’ve been meaning to expand my circle by creating a new Twitter account just for my BTS dump. In other words, I am a 23 year old with a stan Twitter HAHAHAHA

Is something confusing you at the moment?  No, I’m good.

When was the last time you had a real deep chat?  Maybe my conversation with Andi a couple of nights back. We were talking about a tricky situation with their ex-friend who turned out to be a real dick when they came out to him a year ago, and they just wanted to get my perspective on how I would handle it.

Who did you last see on webcam?  The PR manager for one of our clients, who we all despise because he doesn’t know how to do his job. Thankfully he’s resigning soon so we’re all just waiting for him to leave and finally meet a much more competent replacement.

What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)?  Angela has two dogs, Hailey and Kennedy. Andi had Apollo, who I wanted to meet so badly but sadly he passed away a week ago at 15.

Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass?  There are photos of me sitting on grass, but not lying in it. I would imagine that would feel very prickly and uncomfortable.

Who’s your favorite Disney character? Baymax or Flynn Rider.

Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk?  I’ve made my friends chug drinks or down shots and it’s happened vice versa, but it was always in good fun and we never made each other harassed from it. It’s just your typical college rambunctiousness, and if anyone felt uncomfortable or iffy then we didn’t hesitate to move on.

When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling?  I’ve only ever seen those in my first school, when I was in kindergarten. I never got to use it and they also took them out not long after.

Do you like being kissed on the neck?  Yessssssssss

Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later?  Nope. I don’t think I would have sex with anyone I wasn’t dating.

What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra?  Probably a couple thousand bucks if I thought I looked good in it.

Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list?  I don’t think so. I never tried getting close with any of them, and I always tried to stay hidden as much as possible. I was just in class to get good grades and pass.

Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well?  I never really scroll through people’s Tumblrs anymore. That was more of a thing I did in like 2013, but these days going through my dashboard is enough.

What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand?  Some social media trends done for clout make me revolted, especially when it has anything to do with wasting food. I also hate when they do extreme pranks that I know I wouldn’t find funny if I were ever the victim, like tossing someone’s phone into the ocean.

Be honest: how do you feel about abortion?  Pro-choice. 

Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to?  I would love to catch up with Katreen at some point, but I know we’re at different points in our lives now and it would probably never happen.

What is your favorite piece of art you own?  I commissioned my sister to make an artwork of the 2D1N cast, and she did a great job making it! I haven’t gotten to use it or promote it yet, but I will soon. It’s really well-done.

What’s the one thing you apologized for this month?  Replying late.

My favorite color is ______?  Pastel pink.

I wish I had _____?  Longer weekends.

What did you buy today? Nothing – I’d call that a success lmao, I’ve been spending money as if I had a million fucking bucks over the last week. I did have some packages arrive today though: my own copy of 2 Cool 4 Skool (my first physical BTS album!!!!!!); the official poster from their album BE; the Ivy Park sneakers I ordered earlier this month, and an Ivy Park bucket hat Bea had apparently gotten for me as a birthday present.

What has challenged your morals?  Vices.

What made you pick up the last book you started reading?  I had to read it in preparation for a one-on-one session with my employer’s CEO.

What about your life concerns you the most? Whether a stable future is in the cards for me.

What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend?  Probably Filipino-American comedians or influencers who use stereotyping of Filipino accents and habits as a punchline; they do more harm to the culture than good. I can tell you not one Filipino who lives in the Philippines actually finds those funny, and Bretman Rock is probably the only personality who’s able to flaunt the culture in an entertaining and hilarious yet classy way.

When it comes to being offended, I guess it depends on the context. My humor can get pretty dark and low-blowy, but I would have a problem with someone who I know has genuinely problematic views.

What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another?  I think it may had still been Start-Up from last December. I’m not too big on Korean dramas since I find one episode waaaaaaayyyyyyy too long. I don’t think I’ll be starting on anything soon, Korean or otherwise.

What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same?  I’m single now, for the first time in technically six years. I also think I’m doing better and happier, breakup notwithstanding. OH and I love wasabi now, hahah. As for what’s unchanged, I still like taking surveys and I’m still stuck at home, though the latter’s not really in my control anymore.

If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take?  I’d just go back to UP for the free tuition. We also have the widest range of programs out of any university in the country, so it’s a damn good deal.

Name a song you’ve listened to today?  Fly To My Room - BTS

When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard?  We didn’t; but one of our relatives that we’d regularly visit did have a playground that I’d use all the time. It’s still there, just very unmaintained since no one uses it anymore.

Is your mall nice?  Which one? We have five different malls nearby lol. Mall culture here is on another level.

Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there?  No. I’m not so sure what they serve there, either. I’m guessing milkshakes?

Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around?  I’ll always exercise my right to vote.

How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries?  I hate strawberries and I hate fruits, so even if you coat that shit in Nutella and cookie butter and chocolate syrup I still wouldn’t touch it.

Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? No.

Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with?  I’ve never had a thing with guys.

To whom did you last give the finger?  I haven’t had to do that in a while.

What was the last musical instrument played in your presence?  My sister’s keyboard.

Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream?  Not particularly. They make things look cute, but they never taste like anything tbh so I never saw the point in paying extra just to have them on my desserts.

Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before?  Nah. I cringe thinking about that.

Do you know how to do the moon walk?  I don’t.

Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice?  Never gotten that specific compliment before because I know I don’t have one.

Onion rings or french fries?  Onion rings.

Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? No.

Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast?  I don’t think so, but I know I have the tendency to do so occasionally, especially while I’m presenting a deck. Once I notice it I make an effort to pace myself.

Who is the best cook that you know?  My dad and both my grandmas all deserve that title.

Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most?  I literally never have lunch ever.

What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time?  I can’t juggle.

What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid?  Sandboxes, since I liked the texture; the sandboxes in school were also often empty, which worked well for my introvert self. I find that it’s carried over to today, since I still enjoy touching things like slime and kinetic sand.

Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much?  I think 5 or 6 lbs, I’m not exactly sure but it’s definitely somewhere in that small range.

Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do?  Work, for sure. I work a normal 9–6 so that’s already 8 hours out of my day, but I also OT a lot after hours, and I work throughout my lunch break as well so that technically makes it 9 hours. I also like getting up earlier and starting some work before my shift so that I would have less tasks on my plate for the day.

Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this?  I LOVE getting people gifts. Food is especially my love language, and I always get food delivery for my friends, family, and my team at work.

What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything?  I mean, I have work deadlines tomorrow so there’s that.

How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining?  I love driving. I don’t think I ever complained about having to do it. It’s calming and relaxing when I’m doing it alone or with a partner; and it can be entertaining with the right set of people.

Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Not always. If I don’t listen to the artist then I can find the conversation quite boring, like if my friends would get into a full-blown discussion about Taylor Swift.

Is acting something you enjoy?  No. It wouldn’t even be something I’d be interested in doing.

When do you feel most accomplished?  Finishing a work day with no tasks left behind.

Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross?  Idk what that is.

How many best friends do you have?  Two.

Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above?  I drink sometimes. I also kinda smoke, I guess.

If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced?  My mom had them pierced when I was a month old.

Do you own any exercise machines?  My mom has this rowing equipment thingy. I don’t have any of my own, though.

On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings?  No.

Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait?  I remember having to draw one as a school assignment, but I’m pretty sure I half-assed that because I couldn’t care less for art class back then.

Who was your last voicemail from?  We don’t have voicemails.

Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious?  I don’t think so. That’s the sort of situation that would stick out in my memory if ever.

Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid?  No, not a thing here.

When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language?  Around an hour ago when I went downstairs and chatted with my sister briefly.

Have you ever received an anonymous gift?  Nope.

Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day?  Nope but I definitely still wouldn’t be opposed to doing that haha.

When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. < I’d have to agree. 2017 was also awful.

Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you?  I used to know one but she got out of it. In a sense, I suppose I also was in one.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you?  Well they’re younger, so they definitely still live here, with our parents. I’m the first one expected to move out, but I’m taking my time.

Have you ever gotten searched by the cops?  No.

Do you like fried rice?  Of course. I like any kind of rice.

What was the last thing you drank?  Water.

[thepancakeboi]

My Demons

Spoilers below for Persona 5, told from Goro Akechi’s POV directed at Ren/Joker, written based off the lyrics of “My Demons” by Starset (the lyrics themselves are colored red). Starset is definitely one of my favorite bands of all time and after the sad-fest that was Liar, my “Goro Akechi isn’t dead” mindset had to write a sequel. So here it is in the beautiful, glorious mess that it is meant to be because...well, I’ll explain it at the end.

Starts on December 16th with each break being a time skip to the next day.

 “Mayday! Mayday! Abandon ship!”

I barely repress a maniacal chuckle as shadows and cognitions alike run, bleating like the lost sheep they are. The grin spread wide across my face is the only crack in my otherwise calm facade. Wait, why are they panicking again? Oh, that’s right. The ship is slowly sinking around them. This chaos isn’t my doing, as far as I’m aware, but I bask in its glory. This is the chaos I had sought to bring to reality before...

Before what? What has changed? Was it...the fight against you, Joker, and your band of thieves? It’s the last thing I remember vividly. Sae’s Palace, the betrayal, shooting...you, finding out you were still alive and that you must be making a move on Masayoshi Shido, all of it leading up to this grand finale: the showdown between the former ace detective and the Phantom Thieves. I know why we fought. I had truly thought that I needed to eliminate everything in my way to get my revenge, no matter the cost. They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling of having everything you worked for so hard to be both so tantalizing close yet crumbling down into pieces. Their words meant nothing to me...at least, that’s what I had led everyone to believe. You, however, saw through the act, at least, I think you did. Even if your stupid feelings for me kept getting in the way at every turn, you were always one step ahead of me until the end where the wall separated us.

They're all around me, Shido’s cognition of me and the shadows ready to tear me apart should he lose to himself. Surrounding me, circling like vultures waiting for their next meal: Goro Akechi, the bastard son of this ship’s “captain”. They want to break me and wash away my colors from this world and the real one, but I refuse to go down without a fight. I face myself, our bullets fire, and-

That’s...the last thing I remember.

Everything else is a blur. I haven’t been able to think clearly since that fateful moment. My memory, usually so immaculate and infallible, has been failing me. I can’t recall anything, least of all how I survived. Had I fought tooth and nail through the hordes of enemies, desperate to survive another day? Did I perhaps summon Loki from the dredges of my waning strength in a last-ditch effort to destroy Shido’s plans for me? Or had I collapsed from exhaustion and been left for dead when I still had some sliver of life left in me? I find that I don’t know the answer to that question. All I know is that I’m still here, on this cruise ship from hell, feeling like I have nowhere else to go. In a sense, they did wash away my colors, and now all that’s left is my true self. The me I’ve been hiding for so long that it feels unreal.

It’s almost...freeing.

If only you could see me as I am. You could take me high and I'll sing like a canary of what I had done. I’d tell you of every little thing that led us to that moment. Maybe that’s what pushes me to make my way off the ship because I’m just now realizing that...

Oh, you make everything okay.

Okay...

Okay. Just a little bit further. My wounds from before make for a slow, painful escape but, through either some miracle or curse, I find myself back in the real world. I don’t stick around. I know you likely weren’t far behind, and I don’t really want you to see me like this: broken, hurt, and with no one to turn to.

I crash on my bed, finally able to rest after my agonizing escape. Normally, I would welcome the pain to keep my mind from going places I didn’t want. Not even this pain is enough to stop my thoughts straying to you. Even now, you’re just as distracting as ever. We are one in the same, similar in almost every way except for one: our ability to cope with our situation. I caused you so much pain and trouble, and despite what you said back there, I can’t bring myself to believe any of it could be true. But...you take all of the pain away.

Away...

Away is where I need to go. You wanted to save me, yet you can’t.

Even if I want you to save me if I become my demons.

————— 

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How-

I wonder if I cannot stop this sickness taking over. Something is clearly wrong with me if I don’t even remember yesterday clearly. Was it even yesterday? I don’t know. I think I escaped Shido’s palace, but I don’t remember how. Whatever it is that is afflicting my mind, it takes control and drags me into nowhere. It’s frustrating, not being able to remember.

I do remember one thing clearly: you.

You wanted to save me. I wouldn’t let you. I still won’t let you, even if-

I need your help. I don’t want your pity or any cliche bullshit. I don’t even want your damn forgiveness. I just want...

You.

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What-

I...think I remember reflecting on these lost memories before? I feel like I’ve pondered this, but I’m not quite sure. Whatever it is that is afflicting my mind, I can't fight this forever. In a spur of the moment decision, I turn the television on. What I see shocks me.

Masayoshi Shido, my father, is confessing to his evil deeds.

You...You actually did it. You...kept your promise. A sense of relief overtakes me. Everything is finally over. I’m free from his influence at long last.

Are you seeing what I’m seeing? Why am I even asking? I know you're watching, for you wouldn’t miss this moment for the world. 

I can feel you out there, somewhere in the crowd...

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What happened regarding Shido? Did-

Didn’t something important happen...? I pull out my phone, hoping for some clue as to what has occurred. It’s apparently December 19th. Odd...I don’t remember the last...four days? Or is it five? Shit, I don’t remember-

Wait a minute...yesterday...didn’t...didn’t Shido confess his crimes? No one...no one’s mentioning it outside of lamenting Shido’s “poor health” or some bullshit like that. How could they acquit him so easily!? There’s also no mention of the psychotic breakdowns or mental shutdowns, or, more accurately, that I was the perpetrator. The thought of that makes me laugh. I’m almost tempted to go and turn myself in if only to do something regarding the piece of shit I had for a father. They could take me high and I'll sing of everything I did for that bastard.

I can’t, though. Not yet...it would be too hasty and reckless. I suspect Sae-san is putting together a case against Shido at this very moment. She wouldn’t be the type to let this slide so easily.

I...wonder what you’re thinking about all of this. All of your fighting, and for what? The public to ignore you? Oh, I know you though. You make everything okay.

Okay?

Hahah...okay. What a strange thought. It feels familiar though. Have I thought about this before? I don’t recall...

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What happened regarding Shido? Did everything go according to your plan? Where-

Have...I asked myself this before? Something doesn’t feel right. 

We are one in the same, two sides of the same coin, thesis and antithesis as I had remarked all those months ago. It’s funny how my thoughts immediately drift to you. I guess I cannot help myself. I really did mean what I was thinking back then. I truly had planned on dying for you because...I love you. Oh, it’s hard to admit that. But you take all of the pain away.

Away...why am I staying away from you?

I want to find you and find out what you think of this situation, but why should I bother? I’m not worth a second of your time. You’re the hero, and I’m little more than a nuisance who realized too late that he was doomed from the start. My pride refuses to admit it out loud, but...I want you to save me if I become my demons. I need you to take me over the walls below, the walls I had built to distance myself from you. I want little more than to fly forever with you.

You probably think I’m dead. Maybe I should keep it that way. I don’t want you worrying over me, yet I also want to feel your warm, comforting embrace. I...I’m not sure what I should do. All I can ask of you is please don't let me go, for I need a savior to heal my pain when I become my worst enemy.

I don’t want to betray your trust ever again. I don’t want to be the enemy of the Phantom Thieves...of you.

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What happened regarding Shido? Did everything go according to your plan? Where are you? Why-

There’s this sense of deja vu in the back of my mind...like I’ve asked myself these questions before. It’s an unnerving sensation because I don’t remember if I have. 

You could take me high and I'll sing like a canary of what I had done. I’d tell you of every little thing that led us to-

Wait a second. This sounds familiar. I know I’ve had this thought before, but the “when” or the “why” eludes me. I wonder if you would know. The thought of walking over to Leblanc almost gets me to leave my room for the first time in...however many days. I chuckle at my own foolish longing. I’m supposed to be dead. A dead man can’t just walk into the cafe of the rival who thinks he’s forever gone. Would you even want me there? I don’t know. All I know is that you make everything okay for me.

We are one in the same, two people locked by fate in situations we cannot escape, but while I cause misery wherever I go, you take all of the pain away.

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What happened regarding Shido? Did everything go according to your plan? Where are you? Why can’t I remember? Wait-

Shit, I thought I was remembering something. For a moment, I...I could have sworn there was some fragment of my memories I could latch onto.

Take me high and I'll sing... Wait, haven’t I had this thought before? The memories feel so close to clarity, but I either can’t or don’t want to remember.

Oh, you make everything okay...okay, okay? This is familiar too...but why?

I give up on trying to remember, for now. Instead, I let my thoughts drift to the one person that ever made me truly happy: you. Ren Amamiya, a simple transfer student who just happens to have a false criminal background. Akira Kurusu, a name I’ve seen you use a few times in more...dangerous situations. Joker, the charming and daring leader of the infamous Phantom Thieves of Hearts. Pick whatever name you’d prefer me to call you; they’re all the same raven-haired beauty who caught my interest that fateful day in June. We are one in the same...more than I can ever imagine. We’re stuck in whatever sick, cruel game the universe is playing with us. I really hope you can escape it because I know I sure as hell can’t. At least...not without your help...

Oh, you take all of the pain away...away, away-damnit, I thought I had it!

Am I...going insane? Am I remembering things that didn’t happen, thoughts that never existed? All of this is just so frustrating! Shit, do I need you so badly right now, if only to verify my own memories are real. I need you...need you to save me if I become my demons.

Speaking of demons, didn’t Shido confess...? A scandal like this would be all over the news, but there’s...nothing. I can barely contain my fury. Is the public really this foolish? I knew before that the judicial system had its corruption, but how can people be so complacent? They should be in an uproar!

So how the fuck have they not convicted him yet!?

—————

I wake up in confusion. How did I get here? Where was Shido’s palace and why was I not there? How am I alive? What happened regarding Shido? Did everything go according to your plan? Where are you? Why can’t I remember? Wait...do you even want me around?

This last question breaks through the fog that has become my memories. For the first time, I feel like I’m thinking clearly. I...don’t remember anything before our fight, but...I feel like I’m not going to forget anything anymore. I may not remember when I said I wanted you to take me high and I'll sing but now it’s not important, because oh you make everything okay. And for once, I truly mean it. You made my life feel like everything could be okay.

Okay, so why is everyone saying all the changes of heart were psychological disorders? That the Phantom Thieves...never existed? Bullshit!

We are one in the same. No one remembers us. Either that or no one seems to care.

I know you won’t let this hold you back. If there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you take all of the pain away, away from your targets, away from me. And now you’ll have to save all of society from their inept laziness. I still need you to save me if I become someone I don’t want to be, but right now there are greater things at stake. Shido has to be brought down, and justice has to be served. Even if it spells my own downfall.

I’ve made up my mind. I’ll go find you tomorrow. Surely you wouldn’t turn me away on Christmas Eve...right? I just hope you won’t reject me before I become consumed by my demons.

Alright so the explanation behind this bullshit, and the reason it’s a bit...repetitive with each day. So in the game, if you’re paying enough attention they make it very clear that the victims of the psychotic breakdowns do not remember committing the crimes/actions that they did.

Now remember who ended up using that same power on himself during the fight against him.

I’d go more in depth than that, but that starts getting into even deeper spoilers for things I haven’t actually experienced in the game myself.

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

Flatbush & Atlantic: part iv

And here’s part iv! I’d love it if y’all would reblog, this is a work I’m really proud of and the more people it’s shared with the better! My inbox is always open, and I’d love to hear your thoughts, even if it’s just “AAAAAH.” Enjoy!

part i part ii part iii

part iv

December 12

Cass grimaced, looking over at the tab on her laptop that had the Islanders game open. They were down 3-1 late in the third, and it didn’t look like they were going to be able to pull it off. It was the last game of a ten day roadie, and they had lost all but one against the Red Wings right at the beginning. And the Wings were 10-21, so it wasn’t even a confidence booster. To make matters worse, Mat was on a points drought; he hadn’t gotten an assist, let alone scored, since the first game of the trip, a 4-1 loss to the Blue Jackets. They also were playing a few players down, an MCL sprain and the ever-vague “lower body injury” kept the team from being at full strength. 

As the game came to a close, she didn’t even know if Mat wanted to talk to her. His relentless dedication was one of her favorite things about him, but it also led him to take things way too personally and be way too hard on himself even when  — especially when  — the situation didn’t call for it. He was probably beating himself up as the boys headed back into the locker room, being short with his teammates and trainers and whatever poor sports reporter had been sent to ask “how they planned on snapping this unfortunate streak” in the post-game interviews. He’d never be deliberately mean or unkind to anyone, but just like anyone, her boyfriend got stressed and overwhelmed and didn’t always know how to deal with it. I saw the game, she texted him, I’m proud of you. Call me if you want. 

Dec. 15 (wed)

Mat had barely spoken to her since the return from the roadie, and it was starting to get on her nerves. Texts were responded with single words, if they were answered at all. They were supposed to have visited the Met yesterday , but that hadn’t happened either. He had cancelled, saying that “some team thing came up” and he wouldn’t be able to make it. Barely apologized. And what pissed Cass of more than almost anything was that she wanted to help, she wanted so badly for him to just talk to her, she wouldn’t judge him or make him feel like he was a shitty player or a shitty person, but she couldn’t do that if he wasn’t even picking up her damn calls. Who do you talk to when there’s almost nobody in the world who understands the position you’re in? 

Maybe that was just it. She’d go to the people who did understand. Paige had added her to the WAGs Whatsapp group the week prior, and from everything she had gathered so far, it was exactly the sort of place to go for advice. Cass pulled up the chat, torn between not wanting to seem like she was oversharing but not really sure what else she could do. Hey, guys, she started. Mat’s been taking the losing streak pretty personally (as I’m sure a lot of your guys are) and seems to be pulling away. Any advice? I don’t want to push him but I know it’ll get worse if he just keeps it all bottled inside. Clicking send, Cass sighed, leaning back in her desk chair and trying desperately to study for her Environmental Law final. 

At some point after midnight, she closed her books and laptop with frustration. The test wasn’t until next week, but she wasn’t going to get anywhere trying to study as distracted as she was. She grabbed her phone, heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth and check the group chat. No fewer than six of the women had written back, some of whom she hadn’t even met, with long, sympathetic paragraphs overflowing with advice. She read them all, touched by the time, effort, and care that everyone has put into making her feel just a little less anxious. But the overwhelming message was clear. Find balance, but don’t let him blow you off. Be a support system, but you’re not his therapist. And repeated again and again, Talk to him. 

She tapped out a message before she turned her bedside lamp off, hoping that with morning would finally come a proper response from Mat. Can we meet for coffee tomorrow morning? You know as well as I do that we need to talk. I’ll be at Donahue’s at 8. 

Read: 12:23 AM

Dec. 16 (thurs)

Her foot tapped nervously, hands clasped tightly around the cup in front of her and beanie pulled over her head, curls poking out from under. He had read the text, but Cass had no clue if Mat was actually going to show up or not. He hadn’t responded. It was ten past eight, and Cass was just about ready to give up and head to school early. She had just put her laptop back in her bag when she caught Mat out of the corner of her eye. He gave her a small smile, equal parts nervous and almost  — bothered? “Hey,” he said softly, unzipping his puffer coat and sliding into the chair opposite her. “You said you wanted to talk?”

Suddenly, the whole elaborate speech Cass had prepared, about letting her in and supporting him and communication, left her mind. “Yeah.”

“So, talk,” Mat said, with a slight edge to his voice. 

She looked down at her cup. “I get that you’re disappointed about the losing streak. I get it and I’m sorry that you’re not doing as well as you hoped —”

“I don’t think you do get it, Cassidy —”

She cut him off. “Let me finish, Mathew. I’m sorry that you’re not doing as well as you hoped, and I do get how shitty it is when you know you’re putting in the time and effort and practice and it doesn’t seem like anything’s working, but you’ve barely talked to be about any of it.”

“‘Cause I don’t want to,” Mat mumbled. 

Cass leaned back in her chair. “And I get that. I get if you don’t want to talk to me. But you’re not talking to anyone. You’re not talking to Tito, I asked him and he said you’ve been just as closed-off with the team. You’re not talking to any of the other guys. And I’d bet you’re not talking to your parents or your sister either.”

No one gets it!” Mat said in frustration, a little louder than was necessary. “I go through so much shit and have so much pressure on me and…” He trailed off for a minute. “I don’t want to disappoint the team, I don’t want to disappoint the fans. I don’t want to disappoint my family. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Everyone had their ups and downs,” Cass started.

“And I get that,” Mat said, holding his head in his hands and looking down at her coffee cup. The same white-and-blue one he had gotten her two months earlier. “But it’s hard. It’s hard when I’m feeling like the fans aren’t getting what they deserve when they come to games, and like I’m not worth what they’re paying me right now. I know you want to, but you don’t get it.”

Cass looked away, turning her eyes to the street. The sidewalk was dusted in white, turning to slush every time someone walked past. It was the first snow of the year. “Then help me to.”

He breathed out, finally relaxing a little. “It’s not that easy.”

“I want to help you,” Cass said, leaning over the table and clasping his hands in hers. “But you can’t keep freezing me out like this, chou. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to me.”

Mat closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. “I just don’t want this to become your thing too. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I know right now kind of sucks for me but that’s just how it is sometimes, you know? It’s just how it is and I have to get over it. I have to get over myself.”

“Mat, your well-being and mental health isn’t something you can just ‘get over.’ Or even something you should. I’m not a professional, and if you need one that’s something we can find,” Mat wrinkled his face, and Cass was pointedly reminded how often men’s mental health was ignored, “but I’m here for you to talk to. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

He ran his thumb over her hand. “But you didn’t sign up for this.”

Cas shook her head. “Mathew Barzal. This is exactly what I signed up for. I’m pretty smart,” he cracked a smile, “and I knew what I was getting myself into. Dating someone with such an unconventional job and schedule can be stressful, and frustrating, and confusing for everyone involved. But I chose it, Mat. I chose you.”

Dec. 21 (mon)

For once, Cass wasn’t headed straight home after work, or headed to a game, or — God forbid — back to the library to study. Her last final had been that morning, and she was free for three blessed weeks until the New Year. Which meant that she didn’t have to worry about turning in another essay or memorizing another case, which meant that she was more than free to go to the team Christmas party with Mat later that night. He had somehow been coerced into hosting, and Cass had promised to get to his apartment early to help set up. He was mostly done by the time she got there, so “setting up” turned out to mean setting up the bar and putting out snacks, Cass mixing up an enormous pitcher of her favorite sangria, a signature standby from her sorority’s Wine Wednesdays. 

Mat had even put up a proper Christmas tree, and Cass smiled at the piney scent as she headed down the hallway, bag in hand. “Cool if I change in your room?” She shouted down the hall at Mat, who was currently engrossed in pouring a bowl full of chocolate-covered pretzels. “Yeah, go for it,” he called back. Cass didn’t have a lot of excuses to dress up, but liked taking advantage when the occasion called for it. Her dress was short, red satin with a slit on one side and silver embellishment on the other. She used his bathroom to touch up her makeup, swiping her burgundy lipstick on and double-checking her brows. Cass shoved her work clothes back into her backpack, tossing it onto the plush armchair in the corner of his room. 

She walked down the hallway, which was pretty much bare save for a few pictures of his friends from home and one with his family on the day he was drafted. She was kind of surprised that Mat owned a single picture frame. Cass sat on the couch in his living room, looking at the Christmas tree. There were one or two Islanders ornaments, a paper Santa that she assumed had been a kindergarten art project, a photo of his family around the fireplace that looked like it had been taken a year or two earlier. Mat wrapped his arms around her, hugging her from behind. “Whatcha looking at, babe?” 

She smiled. “Your ornaments. They’re really pretty.”

“Not  as pretty as you.”

The door rang, Mat kissing her quickly before walking across the room to open it. A group of the younger players piled in, mostly rookies and call-ups from Bridgeport. One of them had brought along a keg of beer, and Cass had to fight back a laugh while showing him to the kitchen and setting it on the counter. He was just out of college, she’d stake her life on it. By the time she’d secured the keg and started getting people set up with drinks, the living room had started to fill up. “What can I get you?” She asked Paige, who had left Tito with the boys by the tree and made her way over to Cass. 

“What are my chances of getting a Moscow mule?” Paige asked. “I don’t want to be a difficult guest, but,”

“Very good,” Cass said, turning around and grabbing the vodka and ginger ale. “We don’t have the proper mugs though, so don’t be complaining.” One shot of vodka. Half a can of ginger ale. Squeeze a lime. She had bartended for a little over a year when she first moved to New York, and it was still one of her favorite things to do for friends. Mixing herself a whiskey sour, Cass wandered back over to Mat and Tito. 

---

It was well past eleven and the party was nowhere near stopping. While everyone was conscious of the noise level — for the most part, she had seen a few of the guys being reminded to use their inside voices — the conversations were still going and the drinks were still flowing. Cass had passed the tipsy point somewhere around 10:30, though she was nowhere near as hammered as some of the team. Or their dates, for that matter. She was cuddled up against Mat on the couch, heels long having since been abandoned and nursing what she was pretty sure was a vodka sprite with way too much vodka and way too little sprite. Whatever, Cass thought ruefully as she tipped the last of it back. It gets the job done. 

Mat was a touchy drunk, Cass had learned, and one hand seemed to have taken up permanent residence at her waist while he sipped a beer with the other. “What do you think Christmas will be like for you?” Cass asked softly, tilting up her head to look at him. “Since you won’t be with your family.” Mat knew it was a possibility, but he was still pretty upset when he looked at the schedule and realized that his family wasn’t going to be able to fly out to spend the holidays with him, and he didn’t have enough time to go back out to Vancouver. 

Her parents had extended the invitation for Mat to spend Christmas with them when she had been back up for Thanksgiving; he couldn’t make Christmas Day, but was able to carve out two days to visit. He smiled at her, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “You’re cute when you’re worried, y’know that?” Cass scrunched up her nose. “It’s not like I’m going to be alone. I’m doing Christmas with Beau, since Paige’ll be out of town too, and some of the guys usually plan a nice dinner thing for anyone who’s not with family.”

“That sounds nice,” Cass noted, still feeling a pang of guilt. 

“Hey,” Mat said, noticing her distraction. He sat up, turning her face to look towards him. “I’ll be fine. I’m a grown-ass man.” 

Cass cocked an eyebrow. “Sure about that?”

Mat giggled. “Okay, okay, fine. Point taken. But yeah, it would be nice to have my family, but I kind of do, y’know?” He said, nodding around to the guys. Cass could have sworn that in that moment, her heart melted. “And I want you to spend time with yours. I’d be kind of a shitty boyfriend if I didn’t want you to.” Mat leaned in, and his lips brushed against hers so that they were almost touching but not quite, hesitantly. Cass pressed against him, her fingers finding purchase in the baby hairs at the nape of his neck. She loved that he was letting his hair grow out. He tasted like whiskey and tequila and some cheap beer that she was pretty sure was Natty Light, but she couldn’t have cared less, just like she ignored the not-so-subtle wolf-whistles from the teammates. 

Everyone started clearing out around midnight, a few staying to help stuff cans and bottles into trash bags that were left unceremoniously in the kitchen to be dealt with the next morning. Cass yawned, rubbing her eyes. She had sobered up some, but was still well past the legal limit. “Whatcha doing?” Mat asked, seeing her about to order an Uber.

“Calling a ride?” Cass questioned.

“Why don’t you just stay?” Mat asked haltingly. “If you want.” Cass had obviously been over to his place before, multiple times, but hadn’t stayed the night yet. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, because she did, but it was something that was a big step for her. That meant a lot to her. But it was late, and she was sleepy, and Mat did make a really good pillow. “Okay,” she conceded. 

Mat smiled, taking her hand and leading her back to his bedroom. He rummaged through his dresser, grabbing an old Thunderbirds t-shirt and athletic shorts and handing them to her as she walked into his ensuite. “I don’t have stuff to get your makeup off, but there is soap?” He offered. 

Cass laughed. “I brought some wipes, but thank you. That’s really sweet.” She changed and took her makeup off, finding a spare toothbrush in one of the drawers and brushing her teeth. She popped out after a few minutes. Mat was already changed, dressed in pyjama pants and a comfy-looking heathered grey top. “The red toothbrush is mine now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he responded, cracking a smile. A few minutes later, she had claimed the left side of the bed and he had come back from the bathroom. They were lazily kissing, Mat’s hand just barely brushing the skin on her waist from where the shirt had ridden up. Cass was still tipsy and she knew Mat wouldn’t try anything, not like this, but God, it was nice just to feel close to him. After a few minutes he pulled back, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen out of the loose messy bun she had thrown together. “What’s running through your head, babe?” He murmured. 

Cass looked down, biting her lip. She was usually good with emotions, good with communication, but something about Mat made her heart skip a beat and brain go into overdrive all at once, and somehow she was convinced that it was the best feeling in the world. “I’m just really happy right now,” she breathed. “It’s Christmas, with our friends, and you...It’s everything I could want.” 

Mat gave the softest smile. “You, with me, right now? That’s all I could want, Cass.”

Dec 22. (wed)

Cass zipped her suitcase shut, double-checking that she had everything she’d need for her two weeks in Connecticut. It wasn’t a big deal if she forgot something, there was probably some stuff left in her old dresser, and her little sister Eliana was about the same size. Mat had just texted that he was almost there. Cass grabbed her backpack and suitcase, stopping for a moment to pop out the final few chocolates on the Advent calendar her mom had sent down. She closed her bedroom door, wishing a harried goodbye to Ryanne and Stella, and ambled down the stairs as fast as her bags would allow her. She didn’t want Mat to have to double-park and risk getting a ticket. 

True to his word, Mat was just pulling up when she came out of the building, waving one hand and double-checking the street was clear before flipping his hazards on and hopping out to help her put her bags in the trunk. Kissing him on the cheek in thanks, Cass slid into the passenger’s side, giving Mat a very pointed look when she saw that the first song on his playlist was Justin Bieber. “Don’t make fun of me,” he mumbled, blushing. 

“Who said I’m making fun of you?” Cass said lightly, trying and failing to hide her smile. 

They had decided that Mat would make the drive, since he was only staying two nights they had figured it would make more sense. The directions had been plugged into the Bluetooth system, and they had just made it out of the city when Mat looked over at the passenger’s seat, furrowing his brow when he saw Cass’s expression. Something was bothering her. “What’s up, babe?”

She bit her lip. “Nothing.”

“C’mon, we both decided we weren’t going to do this anymore. You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to, but I think you want to talk.”

Cass looked down at her lap. “I got a letter from the company that’s handling my student loans.”

“I thought you didn’t have any debt?” Mat asked quizzically.

She let out a single, humorless laugh. “That was for undergrad, and that was only because I was really, really lucky. I got some money from the school and I worked some, but that only covered about half of my costs? A little less?” 

“Which leaves you with how much?”

“A hundred and ten thousand dollars, give or take. They were sending me the payment schedule, I have to start paying it back late next year.” 

Mat breathed out. He knew that Cass didn’t come from money, but being from Canada and not having gone to college himself, he wasn’t really aware of just how debilitating student debt could get. “Do your parents know?” He asked gently.

Cass picked at a loose thread on her scarf. “Yeah. They helped as much as they could, but there’s three of us and they’re not made of money. “I, uh,” she paused briefly, “I told you I went to private school, yeah?” Mat nodded. “Catholic school doesn’t come cheap, so I was actually on work-study at my high school, which helped a lot. But I hated it.”

“Your school?” He questioned. 

She shook her head. “No, I loved my school. It was great. I just hated feeling like a charity case. My school’s in a pretty well-off neighborhood, so most of the families there had money, and some were like proper ‘old money’ New Englanders. I had some great friends and nobody ever really outwardly was an ass about it if they knew, but still…” She trailed off.

“You felt like you never quite fit in.” Mat finished.

She nodded. “It was hard and it sucked sometimes, but that’s just how it is, I guess,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. 

Two hours later, Mat pulled into Manchester, following Cass’s directions down the winding roads and corners of her hometown. “Do you think they’ll like me?” He asked nervously, eyes flitting between Cass and the road in front of him. 

Her brow furrowed. “Who? My family?” Mat nodded. “My family’s going to love you. You’re kind and you treat me with respect. That’s all they’ve ever wanted for me. And my brother already worships the ground you walk on, practically,” she added with a smile. 

“He’s a junior, yeah?” 

“Mhm,” she responded. Cass’s younger brother Noah was a junior in high school, and one of the best players on his club hockey team. Hockey didn’t run cheap and he had been lifeguarding the past few summers to pay for it, but it was all starting to pay off and he was having some interest shown by college scouts. 

Mat pulled up beside the curb in front of her house, killing the engine and shoving the keys back into his pocket. Cass popped the trunk and took her backpack, while Mat got his duffel and her suitcase. She reached for his hand as they walked up the driveway, giving it a reassuring squeeze as she rang the doorbell. 

“Cass!” Eliana squealed, hugging as much of her sister as she could manage around the bags. “Put your bags by the door, Dad’s grilling out back and I think Mom’s making your bed.” Mat had had an afternoon game and the two had left not long after, so it was dinnertime and Cass was ravenous. “Grilling in December?” She questioned. 

Eliana shrugged, closing the door behind them. “You know Patrick, you go be the one to tell the man he can’t make burgers in the winter.” She turned to Mat, also greeting him with a hug. “You must be Mat, Cass talks about you a lot.” 

Cass swatted her. “El!”

Mat chuckled. “Yeah. Mat Barzal, nice to meet you. Good things, I hope?”

“Only the best,” Eliana said, leading them through to the back porch, where her dad was grilling on the patio while Noah was doing sprints up and down the lawn. He almost fell when he spotted Cass and Mat, causing Mat to have to hide a laugh behind his hand. Her dad turned around, setting the spatula down when he saw them. Mat swallowed, sticking out his hand for a shake. “Mat Barzal, sir.”

“Call me Patrick. Good to meet you Mat, go get settled and we should have dinner ready in a few, okay?” Mat nodded. “Noah, pick your jaw up off the floor and go help them with their things, okay?” Noah ducked his head, brushing the dirt off his shorts before jogging over to where Mat and his sisters were on the porch. 

“Do I hear my Cassidy?” Cass could hear her mom inside, walking down the hallway with Noah and Mat before she ran into her by her old bedroom. “It’s me, Mom!” Cass said excitedly, hugging her mom. Mat initially went for another handshake, but she shooed it away, embracing him. “We’re huggers in this family,” she said by way of explanation, pulling away after a moment. “Ysabel Cabrera, so nice to finally meet you, Mat.” 

Mat smiled. “It’s great to finally meet you too.”

Ysabel pointed down the hall. “Noah’s got bunk beds, so you’ll be with him in there, it’s the last door on the left. Cass, I trust you still can find your room.”

“Yes, mamá,” Cass said, rolling her eyes. “See you in a few, chou.” He kissed her on the cheek, under the watchful eye of her mom, and followed Noah down the hall. 

---

Two hour later, Mat and Cass were cuddled together on the living room couch, his arm slung around her as they half-watched reruns of Parks & Rec. “D’you just want to do presents now?” He asked, looking down at her. “Because I know we’ve got plans tomorrow, and I don’t see how it really matters if we’re not going to be together Christmas Day.”

Cass looked up. “Uh, sure, if you want?” 

“Meet you back in a minute,” Mat said, hopping off of the couch and disappearing down the hall. Cass rolled her eyes, walking into her room, grabbing the envelope, and returning to the living room. Mat got up when she entered, proudly handing her a surprisingly well-wrapped present. 

“You look very pleased with your work,” Cass noted, laughing. 

“I watched a Youtube tutorial,” Mat admitted, “but did you know that there’s so much that goes into folding neat corners? It’s practically an art!”

“I’ll take you word for it,” Cass said, handing him his envelope. “Open yours first.”

Mat sat back down, running his thumb through the flap and pulling out a coupon. He looked at it quizzically for a minute. “Beer delivery?”

“Craft beer delivery,” Cass corrected pointedly. “Because I don’t want you to have to resort to Natty Light ever again. I saw your fridge, it’s actually the worst. You need taste, babe.” Mat snorted. “And they deliver to Canada, so you don’t have to worry about missing out on the offseason.” 

“I love it, pretty girl,” Mat said, kissing her. “Now open yours.” Cass carefully popped the corners open, unfolding the wrapping paper. My Beloved World - Sonia Sotomayor. “You said once that you really admire her, and I didn’t see it on your bookshelf, so I thought you’d like it.”

“I do, I love it. I love that you remembered even more,” Cass added. 

But Mat wasn’t done. “Open it,” he said expectantly.

Confused though she was, Cass opened the cover of the book. “It’s...signed? She said softly, reverently tracing her fingers over the inscription. 

“Yeah.” Mat went on, explaining, “I found it in this little bookstore in Brooklyn, and knew I had to get it for you. Knew what it would mean to you.”

“It’s incredible. You’re incredible. I can’t believe you’d do something like that for me.” 

Their foreheads touched. “Why wouldn’t I?” Mat whispered. “It’s for you.” 

And in that moment, there was nothing anyone could do to take away how happy that made her feel. How happy he made her feel. 

[ecrivainsolitaire]

Operation #FreeCharlieBrown

So Imma need all my mutuals to share this as hard as you can, because I believe We The People have been done a great injustice by the capitalist oligarchs that rule over us all. Many injustices, in fact, but this is one we can fix quite easily. Hear me out:

This year is gonna be the first year since 1966 that the Charlie Brown Christmas special won’t be airing on television because it’s now an Apple+ exclusive. And as a socialist and a pirate there’s two things I hate in this world: exclusive licensing deals, and Apple. So this is what we’re going to do: we’re gonna flood the internet with nothing but Charlie Brown on Christmas day. So this is what we’re going to do:

The episode is pretty easy to get right now. You can find it on torrents, on movie streaming sites, it’s even on YouTube if you know where to look. It won’t be for long. Before December comes Apple is gonna DMCA the shit out of everyone to take it down. So we have to download it now, on as many languages as we can think of (No favourites! Everyone deserves some Charlie Brown!). We need this to spread now, to make sure that everyone has their copies ready. We need to achieve this by November 25th, before the tyrants find out what we’re planning.

When December 1st comes, we drop the first attack. We’re gonna start mass tweeting #FreeCharlieBrown at all of Apple’s official accounts. We need to get it to trending, there cannot be any doubt of what we want. We cannot let the media ignore it, and they certainly cannot ignore it if it’s loud and clear.

On December 15th-20th we make five dummy Google accounts and a dummy Facebook account with a page. Make sure to name the Facebook page something like crafts and recipes or some shit, the kind of thing white moms share all over the place. Send as many friend requests as you can and suggest the page to everyone. You can even upload some craft videos you make yourselves or steal from 5 Minute Crafts because fuck them too, they post fake recipes for clickbait. The point is we need this shit everywhere, all eyes we can get. Important: Do not link any of these accounts to your primary accounts or phone number. They should not be immediately traceable to you. If you have a VPN, this is the time to shine, baby.

Also on these days, spam the hashtag at Apple again. This is gonna be their last warning and we also want everyone to be in the lookout. They either give it to us or we take it by force.

On December 25th, we drop the bomb. Everyone uploads the video in every language you managed to acquire (and I cannot stress this enough: EVERY LANGUAGE, not just English). If you can do video editing you probably already know all the tricks to fool Content ID: mirrors, scaling, throwing random shit on the screen so it confuses the bots, mixing up the colours and shit; do them all. Make a Twitch account and stream it on loop; your first stream always gets a push from the algorithm. We need to save as many of them as possible and overwhelm the damn things.

If you can’t upload it for whatever reason, don’t worry; you still can help. In fact, your role is just as important. You’re gonna go to YouTube and search Charlie Brown Christmas, and filter by New. They’re gonna be taking them down quick so we need to share the newest ones we can get. Enter the video, like it, comment it and share it with anyone you can. Look for it on Facebook and share it with your friends. Spam the shit out of it. There are free view farms you can find really easily; get it on those. Make sure the entire planet is watching Charlie Brown that day. Blow it up. Apple wanted a show, we’re gonna give them a show.

Finally, make friends with each other. We need some more radical compassion in this world, and to do that we need allies. This is how we find those allies.

Important: Do respect the space of people who may not want to hear about Christmas. Specifically people whose religion opposes it or who may have holiday- or religion-related trauma. The point of this attack is to bring joy to the world, not misery. Do try and give them notice so they know to unfollow you for the day. They deserve the peace of mind.

Who’s with me? Let’s give the middle finger to a soulless corporation by spreading the joy of Christmas!

[thoseindarkness]

DtD News Nov 2020

Thank you to anyone who came back for this nonsense. For brevity I have an announcement that I want to make up front. I didn't have room for it last month so I pushed it back, but I can't anymore. I had to make one major revision to the published story. I want people to know about it.

This is the TLDR version. I tell a more in-depth story at the end.

ANNOUNCEMENT

The summary: I had a bad outline walking into writing Mistrust Goes Both Ways. I ran into a problem mid-story. Instead of stopping and taking the time I needed, I challenged myself to creatively solve my way out of my problems. I re-started with about half of what I'd written, published Mistrust Goes Both Ways, and restarting my outline with high hopes.  I was proud of myself for rising to the challenge.

Despite my best efforts, it didn't work out. In the end, I had to scrap my outline. I was able to structure the end I was going for and spent the end of 2019 trying to link the first two stories to the ending I wanted. It wasn't working. Then TRoS. Then COVID. Here we are. In June, I started experimenting with scrapping Mistrust and restarting from Read Between.

Mistrust Goes Both Ways will not be part of the finished story when I'm done. I know some of you love it. I love it. I have no intention of taking it down. I might, for a short time, when I'm posting the final story. I'll let you know if that happens and it will go back up afterward. I don't have specifics as there's no point planning for it now.

For right now, nothing is changing on my AO3 account. Feel free to read and comment to your hearts content. I promise it will stay up forever to remind me that some mistakes are worth sharing with others. I learned good lessons from this mistake. It stays.

That being said I think I owe you an actual update on the progress of this story.

WHAT THE HELL I DID THIS MONTH

After my first update I needed to re-integrate with Reylo friends. Funnily enough, that pulled me into another fic. I've been working on that between following this election. Now that it's called I can get back to writing. I tried a couple of times since I voted on Oct 30th, but I knew it wasn't what I wanted to be thinking about.

Thankfully, I've also begun doing more social/political essays lately. I'm not sure what overall form or shape those may take and I haven't published any. Still, I was creative and I did plenty of writing. Interestingly, all this political focus is good for Deceive the Deceiver. Spinning and listening to conspiracy theories is a big part of weaving a world like this one. A great deal comes from my thoughts and perceptions of the real world.

WHERE DTD IS

As of right now I am in the process of first drafting the entire story with Read Between as the starting point. That is, every one of the short stories in the series. What I'm doing is somewhere between a history, an outline and random scene writing. All of these elements are currently strung together in one long, continuous, chronological, first draft. It's everything from the history before Read Between (which starts in the 1930's), all the way to the final scene of DtD.

I'm taking all the good ideas I've created in the last couple of years and re-organizing them into a first pass. It's the skeleton and some of the meat now. I'm slowly building out now that I have a blank-er slate. It's about choosing what works and what doesn't.

I call it accordion writing. It just gets bigger and bigger. This outline will later level up into the first full story drafts for each part. I've got so much history when I finish this I might… I'm getting ahead of myself. Don't want to give too many clues away.

Another interesting thing that's happened recently is I've started pulling bits of other fic ideas that I’m just not gonna finish. A big chuck of the history I stole from a modern/academia AU where Ben and Rey are history students specializing in the ancient Jedi religion. Another was a complication between characters came from a canon story where I wanted to paint the relationship with a new layer. We'll see if I can pull that off.

I spent a lot of time prior to this year focusing on the heroes but my villains hadn't gotten much love. Filling in the history has given me a chance to flesh out the villains. All their moves and countermoves, woven through the bits I already have, are spinning a pretty tapestry. Oh, the villains are so much fun to write!

This other fic came together in the same sort of accordion fashion and it's been fun working through the kinks in the process now that I've seen some of the weak points on a scale like DtD. I think I've mentioned, but this is a writing experiment for me and I'm most invested now in improving my process and clue-threading with DtD. This other fic is helping me test it on a smaller scale.

Not that this needs to get any longer, I'm just going to throw pretense out the window and go with complete vanity. If you don't give a wet shit about my life (and I don't blame you) you have reached the end of your journey. I hope to see you next month. If not, then I leave you with this parting:

May we meet again in our next fandom, through mutes and not as rival shippers.

The following is the ridiculous story of my ups and downs with Deceive the Deceiver. I figure if I explain to you how much I'm invested in this story some of you will stop worrying that I'm going to abandon it. Trust me. I'm not.

This tale stretches from NANOWRIMO 2018 and the prompt that started it, through the ups and downs of 2019 and 2020, to the writing of last month's letter. Buckle up. I love bumpy rides.

DtD: from NANO '17 to COVID-19

This story truly starts in December 2017 when I drenched the seat beneath me during Last Jedi. I'm a TLJ shipper. I got caught on the thirst train. It hit a time when writing was becoming a really big part of my life. I've been writing since I was a kid. I stopped for a while and came back to it. It's a long story. Ultimately, I'd started writing a lot a few years earlier. A mix of fic and originals but I was running into problems so I start reading a bunch of books to get better. TLJ lit the fires. NO joke TLJ came out on the 15th. I have pages of writing from the 20th.

2018 was Reylo year! I was already on Tumblr for my previous fandom (Batman comics). I found Reylo AU week which is in August. I submitted a story for that. It was the first fic I published for Reylo. Fast-forward August to November. I'm in the Writing Den on Discord and someone throws out this spy prompt. People start running with. Throwing ideas around. One of those was the snuggie in Mistrust! I have that conversation saved and story spots for each crazy thing they threw out. Finally, I said I'd do it!

Mind you, this is November 2nd. Nano has just started and the event is about "turning off your internal editor." This prompt consumed me. I was trying to keep up with SpaceWaffleHouseTM that first year. I did, btw. We both crested 100,000. It was my first Nano. Word count is not my problem. Organizing my crazy ambitious ideas is my problem. Some of that 100k was other stories, like Custard which I wrote half of in November and the other half Jan/Feb 2019. Most of it… probably 80k of it… was DtD.

Read Between the Lies is currently 33,710. I wrote at least 20k of that during that first Nano, as well as outlines and scenes for what I thought would be the starting point. I remember wanting to write Read Between to "get into their headspace" by writing their first meeting. I didn't think it would become a whole story. I was just going with it then. Any idea that came to mind.

I took December 2019 off for a few reasons. Some personal. Some burnout. I'm one of those people that can use writing to relieve stress, but I was so exhausted from that month-long writing sprint. By the last week I was dragging to get the final four or five thousand words to hit 100k.

Also, what I had by the end (no internal editor) was a bird nest of ideas that had too many beginnings, not enough middles, and endings to go around. I knew one thing right away: I knew I had more than one story. There were so many fun ideas. I figured, what the hell. I knew another thing right away: the prompt was at the end of the story. Like, the very end. Like, the last short story. Or the second to last short story, at the earliest. That hasn't changed. Ever. That's just where it ended up.

Between January and April of 2019 I touched DtD a few times. I kept coming back to it, reading through it, trying to untangle it. I made new notes on the stories. Expanded ideas. Tried to structure it. I figured out a bunch of good notes, but no real substance. The hardest thing was figuring out where to start! Did I:

(1) Start shortly before the prompt with Ben/Rey's relationship established and fill the story with the history?

(2) Start a lot earlier and build Ben/Rey's relationship from the beginning I'd written in Read Between?

If I'm being honest, Read Between was a lot better than I thought it would be and I didn't want to get rid of it. For a while I was thinking of publishing it last as a "prequel" if people liked the series.

Funny enough, the turning point happened May fourth weekend 2019…

In the week leading up, I was struggling through another story and decided to take a break for the weekend. I'd start writing again on Sunday when I met with my writing group. I met them through Nano. We used to meet at Panera. Now they meet on Discord. They mostly sprint though and I'm not a sprinter. I miss Panera. Anyway.

May 4th was a Sunday (look it up). I gave myself a writing break for the weekend and marathoned Star fucking Wars. It was nerd weekend. I was going to nerd out. I wore exclusively SW gear all weekend. I remember it well. It was the start of something fucking magical in my life.

Have I mentioned recently I really love this story. Trust me I will fucking finish it. Oh my god the demons won't leave until I do. Get them out of my head…

I had a pretty rockstar weekend. I believe the reason I skipped the PT that weekend was because I'd watched it the month before or so. Right after finishing the Clone Wars animated series (which is awesome and I strongly recommend both it and Rebels). I skipped them and SOLO.

Starting with R1, I went through in chronological order. I stopped at RotJ. I was with my family on Saturday and they were playing RotJ in the living room during the party. We talked about my marathon. My mom came over to my apartment after. We watched RoTJ properly. Then Force Awakens. It was too late by then to watch TLJ. I know I went straight to bed after my mom left on Saturday night.

Somewhere during or right after TFA I started thinking about Deceive the Deceiver. I don't remember what sparked it. I went to bed thinking about DtD. I know this with 100% certainty because I woke up thinking about again on Sunday and I thought it was quite odd.

I dream about this story in a way I have only dreamt about a precious few. Technicolor folks. It keeps me up at night.

I went to my writing group with (a) no plan for what to write, (b) a gordian knot that I had yet to untangle, (c) a sudden urge to re-read it. I opened my notes and read DtD through all our sprints. I read most of it during that writing session. We go about three hours.

That night I had Game of Thrones at my parent's. It was the (spoiler alert) episode where Arya kills the Night King. I remember because two minutes into the episode my brother's car broken down a few blocks from our apartment and we had to go help him. Derailed the whole night (this is foreshadowing).

Side note: I live with my younger brother and he's the best roommate I've ever had in my 35 years of life. Love you, Mo!

The episode was recording so we ran out. Had to leave the car in a parking lot. Someone had already helped him push it out of a puddle but my brother was soaked to mid-calf and the engine was shot. We dropped him off at home and I rode back to my Momma's crib to watch GoT. It was only the beginning of a wild night.

I went to bed late. I had to get up a few hours early to deal with the car before work started for either of us. I guess we were both hoping to avoid taking the day off. That wasn't going to happen. I drove home but I couldn't sleep. That crazy episode and the fact that my brain was already on fire with DtD.

I spent the wee hours finishing my re-read through the rough draft of Read Between the Lies. It saw my starting place. I started writing. I wrote through waiting in a parking lot, for the tow truck, in my car, at 6 am, with no sleep. I did a voice recording as I drove from the parking lot to the mechanic where the driver was taking my brother's car. I thought about it the whole way back. I sat on the sofa a wrote some more when we got home. I went to bed at 11 am and I'd written 10k more words for Read Between the Lies.

Somewhere between the chaos of May 5th and the official publish date on June 5th, Read Between got written. I know it didn't take too long. I remember sending it off to beta (by my amazing beta team on 1 & 2: Em, Jen, and Sai) and immediately pivoting to my outline. I slapped that together far too hastily and kept moving. I was going on holiday in the UK (I'm American and I'm ashamed) in early August so I planned on trying to publish Part 2 when I got back. At the very least I wanted it ready for beta.

Also some to admit, around the middle of 2019 I was fatigued with the fandom. We were hitting a lull. I was psyching myself up for the end and the exit. I was trying to clean house. I wanted to push out unfinished fics. To make them work. There was a lot of that mood from me in 2019. I was trying to make everything work. It's why Read Between came out, and that was a good thing. It's also why Mistrust came out, and that was a bad thing.

With that mentality looming, tough outline in hand, I started writing Mistrust before the end of May. I hit my snag sometime during the period I was publishing Read Between because by the time it was all done I knew I wasn't going to have a finished story by the time I left for London. I would figure it out when I got back. I picked up another project to distracted me from my problems for a little while. That is going to be an original if it's anything. One day…

At some point after I got back I started focusing heavily on problem solving. I had two stories already and a number of plot threads I had to resolve. I have heavy, heavy, heavy notes from September to December of 2019. Lots of possible ways to run this story. It sucks that a lot of that stuff isn't going to make it, but I'm recycling shit every day and I learned so much about the characters/story in that four month period. It really shaped the finished product in an important way.

This period is where I started to look at the bigger structure and how I was going to solve specific plot problems in each short story to bring the whole together. That focus on the different parts is important because it was the last thing on my mind when TRoS happened.

December 20th (the release date) is my birthday. My ass drove up to one of those Reylo-only screenings and I was surrounded by amazing people as I watched a movie that ruined my 35th birthday. Thankfully, I spent it in incomparable company. Thank you to all the hosts and super special thanks to Jen. Not only was she a DtD beta on both, she invited me. Thank you love! You are the reason I still remember that trip with joy.

Side note: I no longer hate TRoS. I've made my peace with it. I'm a far happier person now.

Needless to say, the only Reyloing I did in January of this year was venting frustration. Then I took a few weeks away from the fandom. I'd done my purging into the void. I knew other people still needed the space to vent but I had to get away. Once the toxin is out I couldn't let it back in.

What occurred starting in February of 2020 was a series of situations in which, every time I logged into Twitter I was faced with the kind of vitriol in the fandom that I don't need in my life. Some of it was still TRoS stuff, even as late as May. I'm not judging, I'm just saying, with the world on fire (literally), I didn't need it.

I don't think I have to explain why I've avoided social media like the plague since early this year. I live in America. If you heard anything about our recent President I don't have to explain any further what this year has been like. That has been par for course all over the world.

So here's my secret to happiness. I don't fux with the trolls. Do not engage. Sometimes that means radio silence. I'm breaking that silence because I want you to know 2020 has not destroyed DtD. It's only leveled shit up.

I have pretty much been working on this story consistently since March of this year. I go back and forth with reading, history, documentaries. I'm learning to wield many new weapons. They take time to settle in. DtD is the de-stressor I go to in between the real shit.

Sometime in June I was screwing around with the order of the parts. I had worked out the end but I was trying to bridge the gap between the ending I was certain I needed to get to and the two beginning stories I'd already published. I couldn't bridge the gap. It had been a year since I published Read Between and it wasn't working. Then I had an epiphany.

What if I got rid of Mistrust? Read Between is a pretty blank slate. I didn't want to re-write it and I still don't. I have no intention of getting rid of Part 1. I may clean it up and add some stuff at the very last minute, but it will be right before the new stuff drops as a pre-cursor to the flood of subsequent stories. I may add a few new clues or alter a scene or two, but I have plenty of room to move with it exactly the way it is.

What does that mean for Mistrust Goes Both Ways? To make a long story short, there was no good way for me to continue with what I'd published and still write the story in my head. I'm sure there are cool places to take the existing story, but that's not what I'm trying to do. In truth, I should have left 1 and not published 2 when I hit a snag. Lesson learned.

In June I basically threw Mistrust out and asked myself, "Now what?" I have months of great ideas rife for reshuffling and no restrictions on how to bridge the gap from 1 to the ending I wanted. But the end had shifted.

That brings us up to speed. The last thing I did before taking a much needed break was get through 90% of the history in my accordion outline/draft. I poured the foundation that was missing. I walked away in early October and let it set. I'm going to button up this other fic I'm working on and then go back to DtD and check the foundation I laid.

I'm very confident that not only will it hold, but that with fresh eyes and the fun side stories I've had the chance to lay to rest, I will finally be able to start building the finished products on top of it.

IN CONCLUSION

I'm still as excited as I've ever been for this story. It frustrates me all the time, but that means the medicine for my soul is working its magic. Change it painful, but pain is transformative. I've embrace changed. That ache is just a sign the muscles are getting stronger. Growing pains. As I learn to live with them in my family, my country, and my job, I find that life's lesson's often end up reflecting in every place in our life if we but open our eyes to look.

Growing pains exist in my writing process too. They are as transformative in this corner of my life as they are in every other. They have revealed as much about me as a person in my writing as they have in my politics. They have taught me how to compromise with my family as I learn to compromise with my characters. As I consider how people treat each other I am reminded that struggles in understanding our fictional counterparts may shine a light on our struggles to understand our truer selves.

Take care of yourselves. Once you've got that covered, if you can, take care of each other. Feel free to poke me and say hi. If not, until next month.

Fari.

[thinkyoureholy]

Soul Eater [6]

[A/n: Aahh I'm posting a day early but I didn't want to leave y'all with nothing for 3 weeks. I'll be going on a short break since my finals start in 2ish weeks and I need to really study for these test to not tank the class. Soul Eater will be back December 15th!]

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Pairing : Jung Yunho / [fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Character Death?, Demon! AU

Words : 2.6k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9.

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

-Yunho’s P.O.V-

I paced in front of her door, my thoughts running at a million miles per second. It had been almost two weeks since the last time I saw her and I was worried sick. I tried to stay away, knowing that she told me not to contact her until she was fully healed but I couldn’t keep my mind off of her. The image of her injured body flashed in my mind every time I closed my eyes but what really had me on edge were the last few words she said to me before leaving to her apartment

“I'd hate to have to see you turn into a demon, you alone are meant for salvation ...not damnation.”

I figured selling my soul to a demon would send me straight to Hell but I didn’t know it would also make me a demon after I died. Truth be told after hearing that I regretted selling my soul in the first place but that regret didn’t last long. It scared me to think about turning into a demon but that fear vanished when I realized...Y/N would be there with me. We’d be able to spend hundreds of years together. But the fact that I'm okay with being a demon if that meant still being able to see her...it was a telltale sign of what I felt towards her.

"Are you going to just pace in front of my door all day or are you going to come in?"

I was snapped out of my thoughts the moment I heard her voice, my mind going blank the moment I saw her face. The claw marks...they were gone...not even so much as a scar was left behind. Without thinking I reached out and cupped her face in my hands, moving her head from side to side as I took a closer look. Again, without much thought I grabbed her arms, pulling up her sleeves to see that the crumbling effect her left arm  had was all but gone, the gash on her right bicep also gone. I looked back up into her eyes, shocked with how quickly she’s healed.

“You know this could also be a form of harassment you know? Touching me without my consent.” She deadpanned, the look in her eyes as guarded as ever.

I quickly took my hands off her, taking a step back, “Sorry...I just...I can’t believe it. I didn’t think you would be able to heal this quickly. I mean in those three days I watched over you...it…” I trailed off, at a loss for words.

She smiled softly, but it wasn’t one that had my heart racing...it was a sad one, my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach.

“I’m not human remember? The wounds were just deep so I was having trouble healing on my own but...I had some help from an old friend.”

“You have friends?” I blurted out without thinking.

Shit...I really gotta stop doing that. Before I knew it she had punched me straight in the chest. It wasn’t particularly hard but there was a small throbbing sensation that still spread out over my chest. I winced as I rubbed over the spot her fist made contact with.

“You’re lucky I didn’t punch through your sternum. And I have friends! Or rather...one friend. He’s annoying but he’s the only other demon I can stand and trust.” She snapped, her voice falling in volume to longer she spoke.

Without another word she then turned on her heel and made her way into her apartment. I half expected her to slam the door in my face like she had done so many times before but she left it wide open, her invitation to come in replaying in my mind. I smiled to myself as I stepped inside her apartment, closing the door behind me and following her to the living room. I couldn’t help but look around, seeing that her place didn’t have much but the necessities. She had a couch, a coffee table, a book shelf stocked full with books, and that’s about it. She didn’t have a tv or any other decorations put up.

“You don’t even have a tv? What do you do in your free time then?” I asked as I sat down on the couch.

“I don’t really have much free time...well until now actually. It’s been awhile since I’ve been directly involved in a deal like this so I have more time to myself than I did before.” She explained, heading into the kitchen.

“You don’t know how to work a tv do you?”

I don’t know what led me to ask that question but I kind of wanted to keep the conversation going. This is one of the first times I’ve gotten to talk to her for so long without her being hostile with me. She seems more relaxed than usual so I thought this could be my chance to finally get to know her and start breaking down the many walls she had surrounded herself with.

“I know how to work a tv...I’m not an idiot.” She retorted with a scoff, turning on her heel to face me, “I might have been raised in an entirely different century but I’ve had to keep up with technology as its come out. Speaking of which you humans just keep coming out with new things every year, I’m surprised you haven’t figured out how to clone yourselves yet. I guess that’s a good thing since you’ll be playing God at that point.”

I watched her intently as she rambled on. I don’t think she realized that she was just saying whatever came to mind. This is the first time she’s ever done this around me, I couldn’t help but let a smile tug at my lips as I listened to her. I’m guessing she’s just comfortable enough around me to ramble on the way she was, this was a good sign. But the smile I had on my face fell the moment I saw her wince ever so slightly, her hand resting over her side...right where her ribs were. That action reminded me of her injuries and why I had come up here in the first place.

“Y/N?”

She hummed, waiting for me to continue, leaning against the counter as she continued to hold onto her side.

"Are you really alright?" I asked, hoping she'd tell me the truth.

"I told you already. I'm as good as new. I just needed that extra push and a little bit of rest and poof, back to indestructible demon once more." She rambled animatedly.

I couldn't help but smile at seeing this, even though I knew she was lying through her teeth. It warmed and broke my heart at the same time to know she was lying for my sake...but she didn't really have to. She then went on to talk about something completely different, rambling once more. As I listened to her talk I was reminded by her words the other day...once again they rang loud in my mind.

"Y'know...to me at least...being a demon doesn't sound like such a bad idea…" I mumbled to myself, or at least I thought I did.

Y/N heard every word, the hint of a smile that had been on her face all but vanished the moment she heard me. A look I had never seen before fell over her eyes. Truth be told I was starting to feel a little bit scared the longer she looked at me like that. Just when I thought she'd just continue to stare at me with that deadly look in her eyes she spoke.

"You--you have no idea what it's like so don't go saying that ever again, am I clear?" She said through her teeth, the look in her eyes intensifying.

"But...it--it doesn't seem all that bad. I mean you get to live for hundreds and hundreds of years, you're basically immortal and-"

She cut me off by slamming her fist on the countertop, the tile covering it shattered into pieces. Her eyes had shifted entirely, her demonic eyes staring straight into my soul.

"It doesn't seem all that bad? Really?" She questioned rhetorically, the look on her face making my whole body tremble in fear, "You have absolutely no idea what they do to you down there the first twenty years. They break you in every which way; emotionally, physically, psychologically, spiritually, any way they can find to break you they'll do it and do it ten times over. By the end of it you'll be begging for them to just kill you, anything to get the pain to stop. And once your twenty years are up your transformation finally begins. The pain of your body changing is of course nothing compared to the pain you endured for twenty years."

She took calm collective steps towards me, towering over me as I stayed glued to the couch, too frightened to move, "And when they send you up to Earth?" She paused to chuckle dryly, staring down at her clawed hand, "You go on a murder spree. Seeing humans so carefree makes something in you snap. You think to yourself, 'Why do they get to smile? Why do they get to laugh like that? How come they get to be oblivious to the pains of the world? Why? Why me? Why did I have to endure so much, in both my human and demon life, why?' And that's when you kill your first human. And no, oh no it doesn't just end with one. By the time you come to your senses you've killed hundreds, their blood running down your fingers and staining your skin for all of eternity."

She leaned down, resting a hand on the back of the couch behind me, our faces mere inches apart. She stared at me silently for a moment before she sprouted her wings, the appendages hanging over me menacingly. I cowered back into the couch, trying to create some space between the two of us but she wasn't having it. She reached out and grabbed my collar, keeping me in place as she leaned in closer.

"You have no idea what it's like so don't go casually saying shit like that. The way we're made is not something to be taken lightly, especially not by a worthless human who has had everything handed to him his entire life." She spat out, reaching up to forcefully grab my chin with her fingers, "I've been patient with you, I was even willing to risk everything to cancel our deal but now? Now you can forget about it. I'm not about to save a human who takes demons so lightly, I don't care how clean and pure your soul is. If you don't see anything wrong with being a demon then you deserve to burn."

With that she shoved my face away from her, straightening back out. She turned on her heel and gave me her back to me.

"Get out before I hurt you."

I stared at the back of her head, stunned at her words but then I swallowed down the fear that had been bubbling up inside me since the moment this whole conversation started. I stood up from the couch, refusing to collapse even though my legs felt like they would give out any second. I reached out tentatively, placing my hand on her shoulder as gently as I could.

"You're not gonna hurt me. If--if you really wanted to you would have already. Look, I'm sorry about what I said. I know I was wrong now. I...I should have never said anything because you're right, I have no idea what it's like and--and I'm sorry." I paused, feeling a lump in my throat the moment I felt her shoulders start to shake, "But please, don't--don't shut me out. I won't bring it up ever again please just...just let me stay by your side."

She jumped at those words, returning back to normal, her demonic side hiding under the surface once more, "You don't know what you're asking, Yunho. I'm not someone that can-"

"I don't care about any of that! I don't care! I…I can't stand to be pushed away...not anymore...not by you."

-? P.O.V-

"She's really gone soft hasn't she?" I asked, disgusted with what I was watching.

I scoffed as I watched her stare at the ground, almost gagging at the look she had in her eyes. He and I shared a look, a smirk making its way onto his face.

"We should toughen her back up don't you think?" 

The smirk he wore grew into a grin, mischief shining in his eyes. I simply smiled back, a devilish look creeping into my eyes.

"That's the best I idea you've ever had. I think it's time we pay Y/N and her pet a little visit in the human realm."

…...

-Y/N's P.O.V-

I closed the door, leaning my back against it. It took awhile to get Yunho to leave. He kept insisting that he wouldn't move a muscle until he was convinced I was no longer angry with him. After ten minutes of tell him that I wasn't mad he finally left, saying he'd be back tomorrow. I let my eyes close for a moment, sighing heavily as I replayed all the events from the night, a particular sentence I uttered rang louder than the others.

"If you don't see anything wrong with being a demon then you deserve to burn."

Ah...now I've done it. Now how am I supposed to bring up the cancellation of the deal? I basically told him he's on his own and-- I groaned, cutting my thoughts off, rubbing my hands over my face.

"I can't believe just how far you've actually fallen."

That voice! I shifted immediately, getting into a fighting stance but I wasn't quick enough. I struggled against his grip, my internal wound still not completely healed, my movements slowed by them. I clawed at the hand he had around my throat, glaring down at him as he lifted me up high into the air, my feet dangling.

"Ceri," I spat out, the anger in my eyes intensifying the moment I saw him smirk, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

His smirk turned into a grin, our surroundings changing in the blink of an eye, "I'm just following orders, I'm sure you don't mind...right? This very important person wanted to see you and I just couldn't find it in me to refuse her."

My ears perked up as he spoke, hearing the sound of footsteps approaching us. It didn't take me very long to figure out who this "her" was. There's only one bitch in hell that has Ceri at her beck and call and has the gall to do something like this. She stepped out of the shadows, her violet colored eyes glowing as the moonlight reflected off of them. I dug my claws into Ceri's wrists the moment my eyes met hers, twisting the bones in his arm seconds later. He let out a cry of pain, letting me go to cradle his arm close to his chest. I landed on my feet, shaking Ceri's blood off my fingers. Rolling my shoulders I felt my wings extend, my rage unmatched about being summoned to a place like this by a cunt like her.

"Pride...you have a lot of fucking guts doing this. I take it you finally want to die today, huh?" I asked with a growl, seeing her eyes waver at the sight of me but she stood her ground.

Fine. If it's a fight she wants it's a fight she's gonna get.

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Tags : @chanyeolol​

[destieldrabblesdaily]

hello there (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I'm pretty new to destiel and just found your blog because I wanted to look into some fanfics and someone recommended & turns that you have like a billion one shots for destiel! love your writing style but, I'm not sure where to start in your drabbles tag because it's soooo much (ﾟдﾟ) can u maybe point me to some popular ones or some that you preferred writing or something like that to get me started? thank you anyway (ʘ���ʘ)ノ✿

Hey friend! 

Ahh, I totally get you. :p A billion is a bit ambitious, but with like 400 stories in one tag and no way to sort, it might get tricky. *sweats nervously for not having a better tagging system*

But anyway, you rock for finding my blog and liking my style, so here is a little something to help you out! For starters, a lot of my stories are also on AO3, which is still a realm of chaos, but is a hell of a lot easier to navigate than my tumblr tag. 

Anyway, here is a little map to get you started, sorted by my most popular Destiel fics (according to AO3), and ones I personally just loved writing!

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Canon!Verse fics, most popular:

1) CursedTeam Free Will is hunting a witch, but before she dies she turns Cas into a kitten. They can’t find a cure, and after two weeks everyone is losing hope. One night when Cas is sleeping on Dean’s chest, the curse fades and he turns into himself again. As Dean’s luck would have it, Sam walks into the living room seeing Dean sprawled out on the couch with a very naked Castiel on top of him.

2) JealousyWhen Dean, Sam and Castiel are having a drink at a bar after a hunt, Dean finds Cas flirting with a guy, and suddenly realizes something about his own feelings for the angel… 

3) Dream A Little DreamCastiel goes after a Djinn but gets captured, and of course his dream world is all about Dean and him being happy together, so he’s very disappointed when Dean and Sam save him and he wakes up… 

4) With A Little Help From My FriendDean is really nervous about finally telling Castiel how he feels, so he practices over Skype with Charlie. Naturally, Cas chooses that exact moment to drop by, and ends up hearing the whole thing…

5) WhiteboardFor a while now, there has been a whiteboard in Dean’s room. When failing to say the words out loud, there’s always the option to write them down. So that’s exactly what Castiel suggests, and Dean humors him, the two of them finding new ways to understand and forgive each other by working through some issues from both the present and the past.

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Soulmate AU’s, most popular:

1) What Can’t Be SeenSoulmate AU where you first see color after eye contact: Cas is a famous best selling author and he’s promoting his book, so he’s talking to a crowd of people and suddenly his world is in color, and a lot of his fans pretend to be his soulmate. A Cinderella type situation ensues.

2) The PendantAU where instead of a tattoo/name everyone’s born with a pendant/charm necklace that matches their soulmate’s. Dean walks into their bathroom thinking it’s empty, but there’s Cas taking off his shirt to take a shower and Dean sees his necklace (that matches Dean’s, obviously) and freaks out (because Dean is totally 100% NOT gay at all). Bonus if Cas already knows.

3) Daffodils & Forget-Me-NotsSoulmate AU where when you write something on your skin with pen/marker/whatever the hell you want, it will show up on your soulmate’s skin as well.

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High School AU’s, most popular:

1) No HomoFor the prompt: ‘I wasn’t gay, but then I kissed you in front of some homophobes to piss them off, and turns out I might be kinda gay for you after all’. In which a kiss makes Dean realize that he has feelings for his best friend.

2) This Game We PlayDean and Castiel have been best friends since they were little, and sleepovers are a common event. They’ve always loved playing the game where they draw out letters on each others backs and try to guess what the other is writing. Even though sixteen seems to be a bit too old to still play the game, Castiel uses it as a chance to silently confess something that he’s been wanting to share with Dean for a long time.

3) Camping and CuddlesDean and Castiel have been best friends since forever, and they decide to go on a camping trip to celebrate graduating high school. When it starts raining and Cas’ tent turns out to have a huge hole in it, the boys are forced to share Dean’s tent, and things heat up.

4) The CallCastiel accidentally butt dials his best friend Dean, and Dean overhears a conversation that wasn’t meant for his ears. Or: the one in which Dean finds out that his best friend has feelings for him.

5) Practice Makes Perfect‘It’s not gay if it’s practice, but shit that was actually really nice wanna practice some more?’ Or, the one in which Dean offers to help his best friend Cas improve his kissing skills, until it’s no longer just ‘practice’. 

(If you are particularly into High School AU’s, I also made a complete list of al my HS AU’s that you can find here –> Click!

—

College/Roommate AU’s, most popular:

1) What It MeansDean’s roommate and best friend Castiel always says ‘I love you’ to him every night before they go to sleep. Seeing as Dean has some serious feelings for his friend, he can’t take the confusion any longer and one night asks Cas what it means when he says ‘I love you’. 

2) If At First You Don’t SucceedFor the prompt: “Wait, did you just flirt with me?“ “Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing.

”Dean has a huge crush on his friend Castiel, with whom he also shares an apartment. When he decides that he finally wants to woo Cas, everything that could possibly go wrong, does indeed go wrong.

3) UnbrokenDean’s best friend and roommate Castiel is asexual, and it’s causing Cas a lot of trouble when it comes to dating. Cas feels broken, but Dean deeply disagrees; he’d be with Cas in a heartbeat, if only Cas would see him as more than a friend… 

4) Safe And SoundFor the prompt: ‘College!AU where Dean and Cas are roommates and one of them is afraid of thunder, so naturally they have to huddle/cuddle together until the storm is over.’

5) Hot & ColdDean and his best friend Castiel get stuck in the middle of nowhere when the Impala’s engine gives up on them. A snowstorm is raging, and it seems that the only way to keep warm is a method that sounds a lot like ‘naked cuddling’. Not that Dean is complaining.

—

Blind/Deaf AU’s, most popular:

1) Through Your EyesDean’s best friend Castiel is blind, which is why Cas loves it whenever Dean describes the things as he sees them. When Castiel gets curious and wants more details about Dean’s looks, Dean is reluctant to go into detail about them. Castiel’s solution is simple, and demands nothing more than a gentle touch.

2) At First SightDean has been blind since he was four years old, but at 18 years old he regains his sight through special surgery. This also means that he will finally be able to actually see his boyfriend Castiel for the first time. Castiel is excited, but at the same time utterly terrified that Dean won’t approve of his looks…

3) MisunderstandingsWhen the handsome new student Castiel Novak arrives at Lawrence High, Dean has every intention of making him feel welcome. However, Castiel seems to ignore Dean whenever Dean tries to talk to him…

4) DeliciousImagine your OTP, based on this text post: ‘Okay, so I’m a waitress at this restaurant that’s open really late and it’s nearly 1am and this family comes in and I’m so tired that I handed their BLIND SON a menu and he’s like “ah… thank you… I’ll just… read this” in a serious voice and I fucking snorted.'With blind!Dean and waiter!Cas.

—

Personal favorites to write:

1) Her Favorite Love StoryThe story of Dean and Castiel as seen through Mary Winchester’s eyes; AKA how she witnesses her oldest son fall in love with his best friend. 

2) The MatchmakerBased on this prompt: “My cat keeps breaking into your apartment next to mine, so I tied a note to its collar to apologize, and you write back. We keep exchanging cat notes, and you turn out to be pretty cute.” 

3) WingsWhen ten year old Dean Winchester and his family move to a new town, he becomes best friends with the boy next door, who happens to be an actual angel. Dean is fascinated with Castiel’s wings from the start, however when they get older, Cas suddenly starts hiding them and no longer wants Dean to groom them for him.

4) BlackboardsFor the prompt: 'Dean and Cas are both high school teachers, and they leave each other cute notes on each others’ black boards.’

5) To Date a DickCas is out on a date with a complete and utter asshole in a really nice restaurant, and Dean is their waiter who feels the need to intervene.

6) Angel Grace (2 Parts)Dean Winchester loves going to conventions to meet the cast of his favorite TV show 'Angel Grace’. Aside from being good at his job, lead actor Castiel Novak is charming, handsome, and has a heart of gold. Like many fans, Dean has a serious crush on the guy. However after meeting Castiel several times, it’s starting to look like Dean’s crush isn’t as one sided as Dean had always assumed it was.

—

Holiday Specials:

❄ Destiel Drabbles: December/Christmas Edition Fluffy Christmas-themed Destiel stories to warm the cockles of your heart during the cold December days! 

❄ All I Want For ChristmasDuring a big family get together, a drunk Castiel starts singing ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ to his best friend Dean while the whole family watches.

🕷Destiel Drabbles: Halloween EditionSome fluffy Halloween themed Destiel drabbles. Happy Halloween!

🕷Kiss Or TreatCastiel has been dutifully handing out Halloween candy all night, entertaining the many kids ringing the Novak house’s doorbell, but he’s in for a big surprise when the bell rings once more and it’s his crush Dean Winchester suddenly standing there on his front porch…

🕷Of Holding Hands and Haunted HousesFor the prompt: 'You’re scared of haunted houses and Halloween attractions, and I don’t even know you but your friends left you behind (what dicks) so I’m gonna hold your hand and get you through this, alright?’

♥Valentine’s DayFor the prompt: 'Cas anonymously sending Dean one of those school Valentine’s Day flowers with a little personalized note, thinking that someone as popular as Dean won’t notice his message anyway because he gets so many. Little does he know that Dean sent one to him as well…’

—

If you feel like reading a multi-chapter Destiel fic, I wrote one of those as well: 

Fortune CookiesDean and his best friend Jo own a bakery together. When a salesman named Crowley visits Dean to make a deal, Dean has no idea of the consequences, and his world turns upside down when an actual angel literally crashes into his life. For the first time in his thirty-year-existence, Dean is overwhelmed by real companionship, wings, and most of all… love.

—

Or for easily reading and clicking through short fluffy (mostly canon!verse) Destiel stories, go here:

~ 100 Days of Destiel Drabbles ~

Or here: 

~ 30 Days of Destiel Drabbles ~

—

Hope this was helpful, and happy reading! :D (I really need to become a better tagger, ahum. :p)

[vernonfielding]

I got hella homies

Story No. 29 of my Season 7 Countdown Project.

Summary: “Boyle says you brought Jocelyn to Shaw's last week.”

Jocelyn meets (most of) the Nine-Nine. Takes place before The Therapist. (Read on AO3.)

She notices Amy Santiago first, because Amy is standing at the bar wearing a full police uniform, and also, she has incredibly shiny hair, and Jocelyn’s always had a thing for brunettes.

Jocelyn pauses at the threshold of Shaw’s, eyes scanning from Amy to the booths that line the walls, until she finds the one loud group sprawled around a table toward the back. She squints, trying to identify Rosa, and that’s when someone slides up behind her and says, “Don’t move.”

Jocelyn bites her lip to keep from grinning. Rosa smells like fresh lemons and leather and just now, bourbon.

“Or what?”

A hand slips onto her hip and squeezes, and Rosa says, “Or you won’t get the first shower tomorrow morning.”

She gives Jocelyn a quick peck on the cheek, and Jocelyn lifts an eyebrow. “You should probably be careful about sneaking up behind people in a cop bar,” she says.

Rosa shrugs. “I just wanted a second alone before you meet everyone.”

“That’s sweet,” Jocelyn says. She knows Rosa will hate that, and sure enough, Rosa frowns and grimaces.

“C’mon,” she says, and tugs at Jocelyn’s hand.

Jocelyn had picked the right table, and she’s able to identify everyone else even before Rosa makes the introductions. Charles has an open, friendly face and kind eyes, and he’s wearing a tan button-down shirt and the dullest brown tie Jocelyn’s ever seen. Terry is massive and very handsome, but it’s the suspenders that give him away. Amy has re-joined the table and is sitting beside her husband. Jake is the last one she places, because she’s having trouble reconciling this man with the goofy grin and laughing eyes with the obsessed, sleep-deprived, manic detective Rosa described working with on a recent murder investigation. 

“Everyone, this is Jocelyn,” Rosa says. “Don’t be weird to her.”

“Hurtful,” Jake says, but he’s smiling, He has an arm slung around Amy’s shoulders, and he leans over the table and reaches toward Jocelyn to shake hands. “You have neat hair.”

“That was weird,” Rosa says.

+++

Jocelyn’s politics swing way left and she’s definitely never dated a cop before. But Rosa is confident and assertive and Jocelyn finds that extremely attractive, and to be honest, the fact that she carries a gun is weirdly hot. She is eagerly anticipating the day she finally gets to see Rosa in uniform.

She knows the past year hasn’t been easy, since Rosa came out to her parents. Jocelyn’s glad she did it -- to be honest, she doesn’t date people who aren’t out anymore. She gets why people stay closeted, she really does. But Jocelyn has been out since middle school and even at age 14 she knew that if someone couldn’t handle who she was, that person wasn’t worth the trouble. Now she’s 38, and she won’t be anyone’s secret.

So yeah, this feels good, squeezed into a booth at the back of a dingy cop bar with Rosa and her friends. Jake and Charles are shout-singing to Taylor Swift and Amy is pretending to be embarrassed but obviously loving it. Terry tells the table in general that he’s texting his wife that he’ll be home in time to put the twins to bed. And Rosa is definitely sitting closer to Jocelyn than she needs to, one hand on Jocelyn’s knee under the table.

+++

The invitation to join Rosa at Shaw’s came out of nowhere, which has been pretty standard. They’ve been dating a little over three months, and for most of that time Rosa’s been on the murder case with Jake, which means a lot of their dates have been spontaneous and pretty casual. (Rosa also has canceled a lot, which ordinarily would be a deal-breaker for Jocelyn, but Rosa did warn her that a detective’s life can be chaotic.)

Jocelyn got the text as she was leaving her frosting and highlighting class, the last of the day, and wondering if she should see if Rosa was free for dinner. She answered yes immediately and did a literal 180 to catch a train to Prospect Heights. Jocelyn has been dying to meet Rosa’s coworkers, who are clearly the most important people in her life given how much she talks about them. Which, honestly, isn’t a lot, but still about five times more than anyone else.

Still, she was a little afraid that the night would be all cop talk. But the Nine-Nine takes her by surprise. Ten minutes after she’s met them Charles has taken out a stack of actual printed photos of his son Nikolaj and is asking Jocelyn if she’s ever had Latvian beetroot soup, and then Terry has to show her photos (on his phone, like a normal person) of his daughters. After that Jocelyn can’t resist sharing a photo of her niece, who’s just eight months old and sadly lives on the other side of the country.

Then Amy asks her about cosmetology school and says that Jake is right, that her hair is neat.

“I’ve always wanted to try short hair but I’m afraid I don’t have the face for it,” Amy says.

“You should come by the school some time for a consultation,” Jocelyn says, tilting her head to imagine a look for Amy. “I could totally cut it for you.”

“No way!” Jake says firmly, mouth gone suddenly all pouty.

Jocelyn feels a punch of knee-jerk rage, that this guy would dare tell his wife what she can and can’t do with her hair. She opens her mouth, ready to lay into him.

And then Jake says, “You said I could cut your hair if you ever decided to go short!”

Amy rolls her eyes. “No, you are not allowed to cut my hair with the paper cutter at work. We’ve talked about this.”

“My wife is the worst,” Jake says in a whine. But he’s smiling and his eyes have gone all crinkly in the corners, and Amy tips her face up to his and kisses the corner of his mouth.

“Sorry, babe,” she says.

So Jocelyn decides that Jake and Amy are adorable and she wishes she could have been at their wedding, which Rosa said was the most romantic shit she’s ever seen, and that was after the bomb scare.

After a second round, Jocelyn asks if the captain ever joins them for drinks and Amy says, “I wish” in a dreamy sort of voice, and then she and Charles launch into a story about Holt single-handedly saving Shaw’s by drinking himself sick on Charbonnay. 

“Cabernet?” Jocelyn says.

“No,” Rosa says, looking like the very thought of that particular alcohol is going to give her a hangover. Jocelyn drops the subject.

“When do I get to meet him?” she says instead.

“Holt?” Rosa shrugs. “He’s not very social.”

“Are you kidding?” Charles calls out from Rosa’s other side. He leans over the table to address Jocelyn. “Captain Holt and Kevin love Rosa. I bet they’d have you over for Kevin’s famous white rice. I’m dying to try it but I’m not allowed in their home after last year’s tofu incident.”

Jocelyn has so many questions. “What’s the tofu-”

“Don’t ask,” Rosa says. “We should go.”

Everyone ends up leaving at once. Outside the bar, Charles gives Jocelyn a too-long hug, and Terry tells her he’s so glad they met and then seems to tear up a little and walks away in a hurry. Amy’s goodbye handshake is bone-crushing but her smile is genuine.

Jake pulls Jocelyn aside while Amy and Rosa are discussing a murder case and, improbably, blood-sniffing flies. He tells her in a hushed voice that he’s never seen Rosa happier in a relationship, and then he makes her swear to never tell Rosa he said that. (Jake also calls her Jackie, but he’s so friendly about it that she instantly forgives him.)

Rosa walks her home, and they hold hands and Jocelyn gushes about how great her coworkers are. “I wasn’t expecting to like a bunch of NYPD cops so much,” she says.

It’s dark out and Rosa is pretty inscrutable at all times anyway. But as they pass under a streetlamp, Jocelyn’s pretty sure she sees the smallest quirk of a smile.

“Yeah,” Rosa says, “they’re not bad, I guess.”

Jocelyn laughs. She recognizes high praise from her girlfriend when she hears it.

“Speaking of not bad,” Jocelyn says, and pauses, tugging at Rosa’s hand to make her stop too. She slips her arms around Rosa’s waist, and Rosa gives her another of those half-smiles and lifts a hand up to Jocelyn’s face. When they kiss, Rosa’s lips are full and soft and warm, and the slide of her tongue is electric. Jocelyn closes her eyes and hums a little, and Rosa strokes a thumb along her jawline, to the pulse point behind her ear. Her other hand curls around Jocelyn’s neck to pull her closer.

They’re both a little breathless when they break apart. Rosa’s eyes are so dark they’re almost black, but there’s a spark of something fond and joyful in them. She reaches up to brush aside the bangs that have slipped over Jocelyn’s forehead.

“They’re right,” she says, “your hair is neat.”

Jocelyn laughs out loud, and Rosa’s laughing too when they kiss again.

End Notes:

Title is from Feed the Beast (Bash Brothers).

Another massive thank you to @exploding-snapple, who put together a most amazing timeline of Season 6 without which I would have been totally lost trying to figure out the timing of this story. According to her timeline, Rosa and Jocelyn would have started dating around late December/early January of 2018-19. So by the time Jocelyn met everyone (in early April) they would have been dating about three months. (If that’s wrong for some reason, blame my math, not explodingsnapple’s timeline.)

Interestingly, much of their early dating would have taken place during The Crime Scene, which must have been intense, and perhaps influenced Jocelyn’s eventual frustration that Rosa consistently prioritizes her job over her girlfriend. (Canon is fun!)

I purposefully had Rosa sharing quite a bit of personal info about her coworkers with Jocelyn, which I realize runs counter to the Rosa we know. But my thinking is that Rosa really, really likes Jocelyn, and is maybe making an effort to be open with her. Plus, I think Rosa really loves her Nine-Nine family and would maybe want to talk about them, at this point in her life. Anyway, obviously that’s all open to interpretation.