#been playing through fe3h again

[missionkitty]

Fistfuls of Frustration (FE3H)

just had this idea when i was grinding fishing on 3/22 after the timeskip on my current azure moon playthrough. i've also had a lot of thoughts about dimitri during this period of the game. i figured drowning mine and byleth's sorrows in fistfuls of fish was a good way to pass the time (and try to get professor level up to a+.)

i also...really like byleth as a character. i know that there's some disc horse about "my unit" or "player characters" being flat and someone to project onto, but as someone who was perceived as emotionless for a lot of my life i latched onto byleth quite a bit because they were like me. i wanted to explore her anger (i'm playing as f!Byleth on this latest run) and what she might have been feeling about dimitri.

hope you enjoy.

---

“Lots of fish out there today,” the fishkeeper was barely able to sputter as Byleth rushed past him.

To anyone who wasn't one of her dear students or closest allies, Byleth seemed as calm as usual–expressionless, even. But those who knew her best could detect the distinct and angry way her heeled boots stomped across the stone and wood of the fishing spot. The way she gripped the buckets full of bait, her knuckles white and glaring.

The last mission was a success by any average metric. Repelling Empire forces despite being betrayed by a spy, numbers regularly bolstered by the news of the return of the Church of Seiros and Byleth as Rhea’s successor, the arrival of Rodrigue and his troops, slow but steady cleaning efforts to restore Garreg Mach to its former glory…

But Byleth was still angry. Frustrated. Disappointed.

Mourning.

She let out a sharp huff as the buckets slammed to the ground. Grabbing a fishing pole, she took the hook at the end of the line in her fingers and swiftly baited it with larvae.

“If you do not approve of what I have become, then kill me.”

As Dimitri’s voice echoed in her mind, Byleth could feel her teeth grinding together deep into her inner ear.

“I will continue to use you and your friends until the flesh falls from your bones.”

She furiously cast the fishing line into the water. It landed with a gentler plip than she had hoped for and the burning in her chest began to smolder painfully.

Byleth kept trying to remind herself of the horrors and punishment Dimitri had faced over the past five years. In her past she had seen other mercenaries succumb to much less. But now they were together again. He didn’t have to suffer alone anymore.

Her deathgrip on the fishing rod somehow got even tighter.

“But he insists on doing so…” Byleth murmured to no one in particular, through tightly pressed lips.

Before she could let her mind wander back to the way he would snarl and spit at her concern, she forcefully turned her mind and eyes to the rippling water.

The line tugged under the water and Byleth skillfully pulled up several fish on the line–a miracle to anyone else, but only the barest distraction to her.

Everytime she blinked, she would recall the Dimitri from five years ago. The polite, young man who vowed his strength was for her. The Dimitri who gave her time and space to grieve the loss of Jeralt.

Five years, Byleth’s mind wailed.

To her it had only been a few days at most. Asleep to miss the ravages of the Empire and the assimilation of nobles and houses that could not bear to be trampled into dust.

Byleth stared blankly at the fish on the hook, struggling to breathe.

“I am not a prince, but a walking corpse.”

To be away from Dimitri when he may have needed her most.

She mechanically pulled the fish from the line and threw them in a large, empty bucket. She baited the hook again, aching to push any pointless regrets out of her mind.

A gentle breeze blew and seemed to put her into a welcome trance, and she began to fish without stopping. All noises and thoughts were swallowed by the sound of rushing water and the focus on the ripples emerging from every successful hook. Byleth could sense other people passing by but she was unwilling to leave the stupor that was protecting her from difficult, painful thoughts and memories.

Suddenly, as she reached for more bait, her hand hit the bottom of an empty bucket.

Awareness returned to her body and she looked at the several now-full buckets of fish.

“Surely there should be more than that…” she murmured, looking around before spotting Gilbert walking toward her from the direction of the Dining Hall.

“I see you’ve returned to the land of the living, Professor,” he said, not unlike a father teasing his child. Byleth felt a bit of embarrassment wash over her as she set her fishing rod down and realized just how sore her hands were. She also realized how the daylight was no longer bright and illuminating a bluish sky, but slowly fading into a sunset.

Gilbert gave her a comforting, understanding look and a sad smile. “I had the sense that you did not want to be bothered, so I took any full buckets of fish to the Dining Hall earlier today without asking–I hope I did not overstep.”

“I’m sorry. I’m…not sure what came over me,” Byleth lied. “But thank you.”

“No need to apologize. I can think of few better ways to distract oneself than fishing,” he replied, glancing at the new full buckets of fish. “And Goddess knows you seem to have a talent for it.”

Byleth responded with a noncommittal noise before looking down at the empty bait buckets and feeling the gnaw of Dimitri’s sullen, angry words trying to occupy her thoughts once again. She heard Gilbert sigh in a way she felt was quite sad and familiar, and looked up at him again.

His brow was furrowed with concern as he looked down at the wood of the little pier. “I…can imagine why you might be here.” He then gave Byleth an apologetic look. “And I won’t pry, but I must ask…if you’ve visited His Highness yet today?”

She let out a silent huff, her brow furrowing slightly.

“No. I have not.”

Typically, since they had reunited, Byleth would make a point of visiting Dimitri first thing in the morning in his usual brooding spot in the Cathedral. His responses were always the same cold, callous growling about being left alone. But not today.

She was angry. Sad. Too full of frustration to go and see Dimitri and risk doing something she would regret.

Gilbert let out a hum and nodded in response. “I see.”

“Why do you ask?” Byleth asked, somewhat guilty. She knew she must have appeared like a strange, furious specter of a woman, trying to bury her feelings in the water–or at least in buckets of fish.

“His Highness left the Cathedral earlier. I have been keeping watch of him from just outside, when he suddenly glanced around and then left through the eastern exit.”

“I…see.” Byleth tried to hide her incredulity. Was Gilbert implying that Dimitri had left because she had not gone to visit him today?

That was utterly ridiculous. It had to be. Why would the Dimitri of today be so concerned that Byleth did not visit him? He told her that he would use her and her friends until the flesh fell from their bones.

Byleth realized her teeth were clenched together, making her jaw ache.

She took a shuddering breath and exhaled shakily, trying to get a rein on her feelings again.

“Professor! Get down!”

The memory appeared out of nowhere. Fire crackled behind her–their surprise attack worked, and the Imperial troops behind her were stunned by the sudden counterattack. As the General moved to attack, Byleth was within his range. And the voice of the worried, kind young man she remembered rang out in the air.

Byleth closed her eyes and swallowed hard, returning to the present moment. She tried to imperceptibly shake her head, hoping to toss the vision from her mind. It was incompatible with the fury and rage Dimitri much preferred to express as of late.

She had contemplated asking the others on the battlefield if they had heard his cry, but she could not bring herself to. She was scared to yearn for a man who may not ever return. And they had to bring the war to an end. She could not spare time for longing and aching for the Dimitri she knew while Rhea was missing and Edelgard’s armies were bearing down on all of Fódlan.

But the sound of his voice that day was clear. The arrival of Rodrigue and his army also confirmed that Byleth had not misheard him that day. Dimitri receiving his father’s lance, Areadbhar and Rodrigue’s admonition that the pursuit of revenge had the power to break those who followed after it. There was a crack in Dimitri’s dark façade that day in Ailell.

It was haunting and comforting all at once. To know he was buried deep inside his fury and the visions of his dead friends and family.

But they could not get him out unless he wanted to. All they could do was hope to direct Dimitri’s thirst for revenge in a way that would not get him or anyone else killed.

“I am sorry, Professor. I did not intend to unearth the things that trouble you today,” Gilbert said, shocking Byleth out of her thoughts once again. His eyes were full of remorse–he seemed to recognize the frustration that she could not hide.

Byleth simply shook her head and sighed.

“No, it’s fine. The thoughts are there whether I’m fishing or not.”

Gilbert made an understanding noise and moved to grab the buckets of fish after a moment.

“Shall I take these to the Dining Hall for you, Professor?”

Byleth nodded and gave a slight, pitiful smile. She looked back at the empty bait bucket and sighed.

“Oh, Professor, I believe the Eastern Merchant still has some bait to sell. If this information benefits you in any way,” Gilbert called out, a wise look in his eyes. “And make sure to eat and return to your quarters before the moon gets too high above.”

Her pitiful smile grew more sincere and she nodded gratefully. As Gilbert left, Byleth turned to start walking to the Marketplace, but stopped when she saw a flash of black disappear behind the walls leading to the front of the Monastery.

She quickly buried any softer feelings with frustration and annoyance, walking now to get more bait to continue burying herself in fish.

***

The Merchant had a significant amount of bait left, and Byleth bought it all, but it was not much compared to the impressive amount she had collected before. And before long, she was quickly down to her final few pieces of bait.

She tried her best to enter another fishing-induced stupor, but she could not focus long enough to do so. She kept herself turned away from the Dining Hall and from any person that might approach her, hoping that would work well enough.

The time she had spent outside fishing was now catching up with her, but she was still determined to run from her troubling thoughts and to use up the remaining bait before going back to her quarters and to try and have a deep, dreamless sleep.

She grabbed a small bait fish from her bucket and forcefully shoved it onto the hook, but hissed when the hook appeared through the other side much smoother than she expected–piercing, then lacerating her finger and thumb.

Byleth dropped the hook and bait in angry surprise.

“Careless,” she cursed at herself, looking now at her blood-covered fingers and hand. The wound began to sting and she let out a defeated exhale.

The sun was now fully set below the horizon and the Monastery, and Byleth realized that there were few, if any people still out. She didn’t want to trouble Manuela with needing bandages for a careless, minor fishing accident. Or risk embarrassment at her careless, self-inflicted wound.

“Professor! Welcome back... I was... We all were... You've been on our minds.”

Byleth scoffed at the memory. What a cruel time to recall his kindness all those apparent years ago.

Before tears had enough time to form in the corners of her eyes, Byleth began to move to walk to her quarters. Perhaps she had some bandages and poultice in a forgotten drawer? If not, she would go and find Manuela, but–

She stopped as she looked up at the Dining Hall.

Dimitri stood there like a haunting statue, his black armor trying to make him blend into any available shadows. She stared at him, holding her breath and unsure of what to do.

When she finally decided to call out to him, he quickly turned away and left.

His departure brought the air back to Byleth’s lungs and she took a slow breath in and out. The sting of her wounded fingers returned to her attention and she pushed the thought of Dimitri from her mind before setting off to her quarters again.

The walk was almost a run, but quiet, the only sounds coming from the clacking of her boots against stone. She entered her room, keeping her bloody hand from touching anything, and pulled open mostly-empty drawers.

Byleth groaned and sighed again. It looked like she would have to bother Manuela and the infirmary after all.

She grabbed an old, clean cloth from one of the open drawers and pressed it to her bleeding fingers before opening her door. She stopped as she heard the sound of something rustling across the ground against the door.

Byleth looked to see a clean roll of bandages and a small wooden container sitting on the ground, pressed against the door.

She quickly looked around, trying to catch sight of anyone or anything nearby. Her heart began to ache.

She froze as she caught the faint sound of a familiar gait and clinking armor fading into the distance.

Byleth’s body began to tingle, her suppressed feelings welling up into a flood.

“Professor!”

With surprising force, Byleth grabbed the bandages and jar and flung it against the wall in her room. The bandages bounced off, flying under her bed and the jar hit the wall with a crack, though it merely flung the lid off as it hit the floor. Poultice sludged out onto the floor as Byleth stood furiously, eyes wide and her breathing angrily measured.

Her shoulders shook as her anger quickly dissipated and she tried to comfort herself by holding her wounded hand.

She wanted to cry. Desperately wanting some release from seeing and hearing the tortured phantom of a man she wanted to hold close–to send away the ghosts that haunted him for at least a moment, so he could get the rest he deserved. To allow himself to be carried by the people who cared for him and his kingdom. To see and acknowledge the people who loved him.

But no tears came. Only a smoldering ache in her chest and her throat.

The Dimitri she knew was still mostly buried. She could see him in the cracks.

Byleth walked silently to her bed and knelt down to retrieve the bandages. She gently lifted the jar of poultice and looked mournfully at the spilled portion on the floor.

She sat at her desk and began to dress her wounds, her mind now painfully quiet.

[devotedlystrangewizard]

my thoughts on fire emblem will never be coherent because on one hand you have the nerd part of my brain who hates fire emblem three houses for every second it spends outside of traditional fire emblem gameplay flavours and on the other hand you have the gay idiot who just rewatched ferdinand & hubert's A+ support for the 5th time this year and also has about 280 hours put into fe3h

[faerghusfucker]

my evolution as a fe3h fan is rlly funny to me lol. i played the game for the first time when i was 15 and now at 19 im playing through three hopes (yes im super late dont ask) and the fact that there have been times where ive been obsessed with EVERY HOUSE is rlly funny to me

at the start i was a claude and golden deer stan through and through bc funny meme house and also the nemesis fight

then when i was starting to get a little more politically minded i fell into the “edelgard did nothing wrong” camp because. yeah!!!! meritocracy!!!! united!!!! fuck religion!!!

and now as an adult with a lot more awareness and a lot less edgy atheism i came to the conclusion that not only is imperialism and destroying people’s lives for an ideal you have no concrete way of upholding bad, but the entire “let’s get rid of crests” argument is not even a solid one because it centers adrestia and doesn’t take into account the other two regions’ need for heroes relics.

correct me if i’m missing something or if i’m wrong, but no one in adrestia’s nobility actually has a hero’s crest. if they have crests, they’re saint crests, and saint crests have compatibility with sacred weapons, which are different to heroes relics because anyone can use them without turning into a beast.

additionally, adrestia doesn’t have any immediate neighbors that could cause them trouble. it doesn’t directly border a non-fodlan country, and they seem to have taken care of their brigid situation by kidnapping petra. the empire has no immediate threats.

the kingdom and alliance tho????? they border sreng and almyra respectively, which seem to invade at the drop of a hat and force houses gautier and goneril respectively to be in constant combat. those two houses literally DEPEND ON THEIR RELICS FOR SURVIVAL. until someone figures out a better way for them to defend their lands, they NEED crests!!!

obviously this isn’t necessarily a good thing, since we see the path that miklan and rufus as crestless older sons go down, but it’s not like the kingdom is exactly keen on keeping this in place either. in three hopes they talk a ton abt how crest bloodlines are dying out and how something needs to change. hell, sylvain is someone who directly benefits from faerghus’ crest dependency and yet in his supports with shez, he’s going and devising powerful weapons that people without crests can use!!! we see time and time again that the young nobles of faerghus are interested in the same things edelgard is: establishing a more equal society, and decreasing the need for crests. but why doesn’t she just collaborate with them to that end???? why doesn’t she hear dimitri out when he tries to talk her out of continuing on this path????

oh yeah. the church.

i’m probably gonna yap abt the church later lol i’m running out of steam on this ramble. tiktok is banned and so this is what i’ve resolved to do while i sip my morning coffee lol bear with me

[midday-headcanons]

FE3H Oc Lore pt. 7 - Young Lady of Isla IV

Links: Pt. I -> Pt. II -> Pt. III -> Pt. IV -> Pt. V -> Pt. VI

(The turning point. This was originally part of the last post, but got too long.)

"I'll Take Care of You"

Lady Edelgard von Hresvelg, by far the most important person she'd ever met in person, had suddenly become the talk of the Enbarr. They hadn't the luxury of being close friends, but they were aware of each other to a certain degree, namely through their shared connection to one unusually diligent little boy. She was a couple years younger than them both, very cute, and kind of bossy, but it came with being a princess, Viktorya figured.

Late Imperial Year 1166 to 1167 was when he suddenly started having less and less time to play. Being young and not totally understanding the roles of such important people, Viktorya came to resent the princess a little. Children could be selfish, and she was no exception. This new kid was taking her friend away, after all! With some explanations and reminders from her mother and brothers, she eventually got the gist of why he was so busy. Though it did make her sad and very lonely to not see her friend as much as she used to. Kid jobs were starting to sound less fun now.

But, every now and then, Tyrion II would bring Viktorya along to the estate to visit her pal again, and every time, her concern grew for him. Dark circles had formed around his eyes, he didn't smile as often, and his father was always around somewhere. Even at home, his work never seemed to stop. When he wasn't with the princess attending to her every need and protecting her from harm, he had to study and train to do it all better the next time. It was a lot for someone so young.

Another visit to the estate, a chance to catch up with her friend. It had been months since they'd last interacted, passing the days with her brothers instead. Finally, she wouldn't feel so alone anymore. He wasn't in his usual place in the study by the chess table, or by his father's side in the drawing room. So, doing away with propriety for once, she disregarded her father's instructions to stay out of trouble and went wandering through the halls to find him, letting her keen nose lead the way.

She'd expected to find him in his room, at the very least, not laid out cold on the floor, various books littered beside him.

The sound of her father's words ringing in her ears, warning her to act like a proper lady, were nothing compared to the drive of the blood in her veins rushing into her legs and making her move. No hesitation, stressing the seams by rolling up the silk sleeves of her pretty dress and hiking up her frilly petticoat, lifting him onto her back and carrying the taller boy down the hall to his chambers all by herself. The books and papers he'd been carrying could wait on the floor where they lie. Her friend was more important than the ink on those pages, or the reprimand she would receive from their fathers over this debacle later.

"You are Lady Edelgard's servant. You must protect her with your life."

If he was to look after Lady Edelgard, who was going to step up and look after him? No, she could not let that stand. Even as she endured her father's riot act in regards to her disregard of his instructions, she couldn't have possibly cared less. Ruining her new dress, manhandling the minister's son, and wandering through the halls of the manor unbidden weren't even in the top 10 things she would even consider apologizing for on the carriage ride home.

She'd done the right thing, and for the first time ever, her Wolfskin blood was happy with her. For once, she let herself run wild without fear of the consequence. This day was just another Tuesday for the rest of the world, but for Viktorya, it would shape the rest of her life going forward.

[eisner-therapy-and-counseling]

I've been very bored at work so I've decided to take my two special interests and smash them together to make a set of custom Fe3h universes beyond commander decks.

The designs are definitely still a WIP, especially the number tuning, and the art is... borrowed from the now defunct FE Cipher card game.

These are the face commanders I've created for each deck, explanations for the cards and the concepts for the decks in the Read More.

Edelgard / Crimson Flower

The Black Eagle/Empire deck is the fastest of the four, and focuses on overwhelming opponents through sheer numbers. The deck will generate a lot of creature tokens and has a number of effects that buff your whole team or provide keywords to them. There will be touch of Aristocrats flavor representing the Agarthan influence on the Empire, though cards related to TWSITD will appear in most decks as there were no nations that escaped their meddling hands.

Edelgard herself is a tough creature that encourages you to go wide, and can bring in a some elite knights to instantly enable her second ability if she focuses all her energy on attacking. She can also support her troops from the back line and play defense, but is at her best playing aggressively. She wants to end the game quickly and efficiently to cause as few casualties as possible.

Dimitri / Azure Moon

The Blue Lions/Kingdom deck wants to bide its time until it can attack with one large creature, though it is not intended to be a voltron deck (focused on equipments/auras). There are also some Knight kindred elements meant to represent the Kingdom's culture of Chivalry, and a few cards that involve the monarchy meant to emphasize Dimitri reclaiming the throne once he comes to his senses. The Blue Lions deck is the second slowest of the four.

Dimitri himself is designed to evoke that very concept. When he enters, he must reclaim the throne before he can take his place as king. Once he does, his followers look on with pride (or perhaps exaltation), placing their faith in the nobles of the Kingdom.

Claude / Verdant Wind

The Golden Deer/Alliance deck understands that it must make use of every possible resource to ensure victory. The lands of the Alliance are smaller than those of the other factions, and as such they must rely on diplomacy and clever use of resources to find victory. The deck will produce a lot of different types of artifact tokens, and has a dash of board politics to keep its opponents mollified until it sneaks in a win. The Golden Deer deck is the second fastest of the four.

Claude is a man who understands diplomacy, but also the idea that, “It’s a win-win arrangement. I just happen to win the most.” (To quote the flavor text of Cut a Deal). He plays nice with your opponents by letting them draw cards, but gathers information on their plans to prepare for what's coming.

Rhea / Silver Snow

The Church of Seiros deck is the slowest of the four, and wants to control the flow of the game while it builds up to something big. To aid that, the deck will tax your opponents and encourage them to fight amongst themselves, while a small life gain subtheme will keep you sitting pretty until its time to deal with whoever is left. Like the Alliance deck, there is a dash of board politics meant to allow you to provide boons to those who take your... advice.

Rhea is meant to be relatively unassuming at first glance, but also to threaten your opponents with the knowledge that she could transform at any time. The Immaculate One by contrast is a major beater, and can swiftly end the game if your opponents aren't prepared for it. When Rhea dies as The Immaculate One, she returns in a weakened state, and will perish for good if she transforms again before she recovers.

(Also she doesn't have the flip symbols because the version of MSE I'm using doesn't have borderless flip cards as an option.)

[stormsbourne]

hello! i’ve been seeing a few of your fe3h posts recently and i’m a bit curious about something. i believe you mentioned that crimson flower was your first route and i’m just kind of curious… why? like, what motivated you to side with edel and what changed your opinion later on? it was the route that i played last (and enjoyed the least lmao) so i just kind of want to understand what that was like as a first impression of this game. thanks for your time, have a nice day.

Quite simply I decided ahead of time that I really liked her vibe and the vibe of some of the other Eagles. At the time I played I was under the impression that the route would be very different than it ended up being and that it would explain her pov. And it did do that a little bit, but not especially well. I really wanted to go with the female lord option because there's not many of those.

But unfortunately it's just not a very good route! As a first impression of the game it's not good! Multiple times I asked my friends (who were playing Lions) about clarifications of something that made no sense to me, like how sloppy the pre-timeskip scene was in CF or why specific other things happened that were poorly explained in CF. It's shorter than the other routes and the writing is all over the place. The pacing also isn't very good and the fact that you're already established in the monastery with a standing army post-skip feels bad compared to the other routes because there's no moment where your team comes to help you clear it out. They're all already there and are just like hi professor! Glad you're not dead from that cliff incident that wasn't clearly shown in this version!

What changed my opinion later on was playing Lions right after and also discussing things with my friends who were already in it. The deeper I got into lions the clearer it became how much was missing from cf. I think some people really want to believe cf has the best writing and is the secret "true ending" since you have to jump through some hoops to get it, but it turns out it was actually intended as a bonus extra villain route and was supposed to be more difficult to get to accordingly, like an unlock you'd only do after you understood the rest of the game. It also had less budget and time and it shows. Once you've played a different route the things you're missing in CF become like a slap in the face. No reunion cutscene? Nope, ss has that one for the Eagles route. No level where you scrap your way through until your dudes start to show up again one by one? Byleth goes off screen and Edelgard yells MY TEACHER and it's not even clear you fell off a fucking cliff! There's no anime cutscene for the siege of the monastery either! Absolutely insane! It is just a worse route!

I think people who played it first or only played it and no other routes feel like they need to defend their choices by making it out to be the best one and the correct ending for Fodlan. And you know what, it's fine to like the route you did first, but often they say things about the other characters or routes that just really indicate they haven't touched them or all their understanding of them is filtered through the Edelgard route. I did this too for a bit! It's also completely true that thanks to the budget, deadlines, etc. there is a LOT more space to fill in with your own interpretations of what going on, which is where you get the Edelgard as socialist revolutionary from, even though she is very much not that and tells you as much in her supports. There's a level of sports team to it which, who fucking cares, but it would be nice if they didn't repeat "dimitri murders women, not just kills but murders" level nonsense and then argued that if you say otherwise you're like, the bourgeoisie or something. I'm trying not to call some of these arguments twitter brained, but they really are lmao

[mousegard]

You write first person getting fucked up scenes so good, you put a lot of detail into it and I was wondering if there was any particular reason?

Like the multiple scenes in your fics whether it be Adrestian Tail or Eagle among Lions of specifically Edelgard being met with an untimely demise and being saved by a byleth rewind are some of my favorite scenes.

Like in EAL the arrow scene it could have just been something like a cut to the rewind but you put in the effort to make us imagine what getting an arrow through the eye and slipping towards death would feel like alongside Edelgard. You go that extra mile, you want us to experience that for a reason and I love it about your writing!

thank you! i'm so glad you enjoy that aspect of my writing because those sorts of scenes are some of my favorite to write!

when i write, i have a very clear mental image of what's going on playing in my head like a movie, and the way i do prose is to try to capture those images with as much detail as possible. and because prose isn't as suited to describing how something looks as drawings are, the most effective way to capture those images is to translate them into how things feel.

so with scenes of people getting fucked up, whether it's grievous wounds and fatal injuries or body horror, i try to channel something like jojo's bizarre adventure where the the details of what's happening really sit with you in a very visceral and pulpy way. except obviously i can't draw like araki, or at all. but remember how it felt reading jojos and seeing things like jolyne ripping off viviano westwood's toenail in part six, heavy weather turning people into snails, or damo using his stand to melt the higashikatas in part eight? especially from part three onward, jojo's bizarre adventure has always reveled in people getting fucked up in a way that can genuinely make your stomach churn, and i wanted to write stomach-churning prose to capture how it feels for araki to depict and linger on the human reactions to seeing or experiencing those sorts of things.

remember that part of rohan kishibe's introduction in part four where he cuts open a spider and then tastes it to "understand" it better so he can capture its essence more effectively in his manga? well i haven't eaten any bugs but i think rohan's exaggerated actions convey. obviously when you're writing action and adventure stories, let alone sci-fi and fantasy, you don't have the luxury of trying some things out for yourself, but then again, i don't think araki eats bugs either, regardless of how his delightfully unhinged author stand-in behaves.

(with lizard boot camp, i might have succeeded in depicting edelgard's experiences too well, because i had one reader tell me it made them vomit. i think it was the bit with the pin feathers. they make me queasy too!)

in eal, one of the things i really enjoyed was trying to get as deep into edelgard's head as possible, since she's the sole pov for the entirety of the first act and the vast majority of the second. you're stuck in her head and you are going to get intimately acquainted with her—with her philosophies, with her romantic side, with her loneliness and grief, with her long-standing trauma, with her ratcheting paranoia as the situation around her intensifies, and with the terror and horror that comes with all the shit i put her through. i wanted the reader to feel everything she felt. especially because, like—she's edelgard, and one of the central problems with the fe3h fandom is that not enough people make the effort to understand her in the first place. and because over the course of an eagle among lions she feels so many things i doubt many people have felt before* (like how it feels to get shot in the eye, turned into a dragon, and blown out of an airlock like the xenomorph queen in aliens) i wanted to make sure the reader received enough detail to experience all those exciting, novel things along with her. and also get a new perspective on the things that are exciting and novel to her but mundane to us, like radios, computers, guns, and pizza.

i think a review of eal i got from LordXamon on the parahumans fanfic subreddit earlier this year captured everything i set out to do better than anything else i could say:

I read the story because this El is such a great MC. Not only is she super cool (again, time traveler leftist revolutionary queer empress), but the writing really makes me empathize in ways not many fanfics can. When El cries, I cry. When El is furious, I get furious. When she hurts, I wince. When El laughs, it puts a smile on my face. When she messes it up, I feel bad for her. When the body horror happens, it makes my stomach sick. When she delivers one of her speeches, it makes me want to vote for her.

in terms of my fic writing, eal really took the "people getting fucked up"-ness to the next level though, and in addition to the above reasons, part of that probably comes from pandemic madness and also me binge-watching re:zero, which delights in fucking its hero and his allies up in increasingly elaborate and gruesome ways while playing with time loops. so far, aria of the black eagle is pretty tame by comparison, so maybe i've worked some of it out of my system?

thanks again for your question and comment, i had so much fun talking about writing and this story with you!

* p.s. if you or anybody else reading this know from firsthand experience what it feels like to get tfed into a dragon, please tell me how you did it/how it happened to you

[cielsosinfel]

thoughts on games I have started and cannot seem to finish between college and organizing volunteer stuff and life

-FE3H replay, doing VW for the first time: I am RIGHT at the month where you directly confront Edelgard. I know VW goes further beyond this as the only route where you confront the Agarthans (??? is still such a weird decision to me, you're telling me Edelgard gets NO CLOSURE on her route regarding the Agarthans...???) It's been fun to revisit the game after 5 years away (I did start and drop playthroughs over the years), and to experience it again on a route I never touched. I like the Golden Deer kids a lot. but dear god. after a while the gameplay just becomes to monotonous and not in a fun way

-Rogue Trader: I looooooooove this game but I'm not even halfway through it yet, on my first playthrough from last year, and the new DLC with the new bi male LI comes out WITHIN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS??? I love this game so so so much, it really speaks to the CRPG fan in me, it is everything I love about isometric point-and-click adventures and the combat is frustrating but rewarding. The characters are amazing. The writing is amazing. the depth of the worldbuilding is amazing.

but it's SO WORDY and the combat is SO DENSE and the level system gives me anxiety. idk if I can finish before the new dlc drops lol. Also the fact it's so wordy stresses me a little when I end up not playing it for months in a row because there's so much to be forgotten on a return

My RT is heavily Iconoclast and I'm unsure if I wnt him to end up having more heretical leanings towards the end of the game. He's made more heretical choices than dogmatic so far. I have mods installed and started the Heinrix romance and I see why everyone loves him so much, and am more :/ over him not being bi to begin with. Also I love Idira and Pasqal and Kibellah sooooo much. I want more Idira/Theodora Idira/Argenta Idira/Vigdis. ok.

I kinda want to see Kibellah romance too. I REALLY love all her interactions with RT and the bond they can build, and it is so funny to have her, Heinrix And Abelard together cus they're all positioning themselves as RT's right-hand guards/swords/shields- but they're all such opposites from one another. It is fun to see them clash and see the moments their personalities end up meshing surprisingly well. I'm thinking if I finish this playthrough and start a second for the DLC companion, it will be a more heretical-leaning character and I'll take advantage of mods to do multiple romances lol so I can see Kibellah, new LI, maybe see what happens with Heinrix if you go heretic.

ffxvi: Boy I have mostly-negative mixed feelings on this game but it was a gift + I've invested too much time and effort into it so I can't just drop it. I hope there are more boss fights like the Typhon one sooner than later.

[ghostzzy]

So many of your fire emblem 3 tags are about how you miss the game or the characters… could you not simply just play it more

I am doing my blue lions play through and then the yellow ones. I am the slowest game player in the world. I did black eagles first. After I will probably play all again as a dude Byleth for different romances. So slowly. Someday. Anyway I married Edelgard first obviously 💜💜💜

i actually can't rly play more fe3h!! ;-; i borrowed the switch cartridge from a friend and i played like FOUR HUNDRED HOURS (it was right at the beginning of lockdown lol between animal crossing and fe3h i was inseparable from my switch) but eventually i had to return the game to my friend... so now if i want to play it again i'd have to buy it </3 which. i haven't checked in a while how much it costs. maybe it'd be worth it now....... it's been so long...........

i played black eagles first too!! edelgard... crazy girl i looove her <3 i went in blind and played as a boy so i romanced lindhart. and then i did the golden deer (i still cannot believe claude isn't bisexual. i've never seen a more bisexual guy.) and that time i romanced yuri. unfortunately he's extremely my type. and then i started on the blue lions and that's when i had to return the game </333

[clueless-anon]

The other day, I started up Bravely Default for the first time in ten years after I bounced off it pretty hard in high school. It was pretty slow going for a while, and it took me three attempts to beat Barras and Holly (the first boss). The game kind of front-loads you with a lot of information about the battle mechanics. To be honest, even with the ability to go back and reread tutorials with the journal, I still don't know how half of these mechanics work. People sometimes give games like Persona 5 flack for having a long-ass tutorial that drip-feeds you mechanics, but with a game as mechanically dense as Bravely Default, I would have preferred some mechanics have been blocked off until they walked me through the process.

Speaking of Persona 5, it's very funny hearing Cassandra Lee Morris as Edea after being so used to hearing her as Morgana in Persona 5 and Sothis in FE3H and Beffica from Bugsnax, I guess. I'm just meeting Edea for the first time, and by extension, Ringabel. He sucks, I hate him (affectionate). Looking forward to kicking that stuttering mage's ass next time I play.

The game has had some excellent music so far, but I do have some (somewhat nitpicky) complaints with how it's been used in-game so far. There have been a few scenes with the king where the upbeat area music is still playing while he consoles Tiz about everyone he's ever known being killed and a giant sinkhole replacing his hometown.

The worst offender is easily the dialog before the fight against Barras and Holly. I had already heard "That Person's Name Is" before, and I really like it as a boss theme. What I didn't know is that it's also used in the scene preceding the fight. Tiz is begging Agnès not to surrender herself, and Holly is going on about how she's going to torture Agnès until she's on the brink of death, then heal her and torture her again until she goes insane... but the whole scene the guitarist is just ABSOLUTELY going at it like

Anyway tune in next month when I remember that I can share opinions on this website.

[ninadove]

Find the words 📝✨

An ask game proposed by @bittersweetresilience! The goal is to find specific words in our fics or WIPs, and share the corresponding snippets.

Without further ado, I give you my time machine the result of years of blorbo rotation:

1. Water

The water is warm against her skin — the polar opposite of the Tailtean rain, which stabbed through her cape and all the way to her bones.

“It was my responsibility.” Edelgard reaches for the pilled cloth, before Byleth gets a chance to do so. “When I started this war, I knew very well that it would end up with one of us killing the other.”

The truth is that she would do it again, over and over, as many times as required. Ever since the Holy Tomb, she has not regretted a single decision.

Enemy (FE3H)

A rare heavy angst piece from me but it’s OK, because I’m not particularly attached to Dimitri.

2. Shadow

“We don't have much time.”

Silver scratched Felix’s skin: cold, polished, foreign.

He knew better than to take the risk; knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, what fate awaited on the other end of his trickery. But the fake ring was well-crafted, and Uncle was stupid, and he felt his amok’s absence like a phantom pain — burning its way up his arm, nestling into his chest.

“This again?” Trixx’s pout was expected; it did not make it any kinder. “Come on, Félix, we’ve combed through the entire mention. There’s no point.”

“Yes, there is.” Logging into the tablet was child’s play, a well-oiled routine. “I’ve come too far to give up now.”

The roof of his mouth had been left bitter from too many orders: some forced down his throat, some swallowed with a smile. He needed to wash away the aftertaste, to know this had not all been in vain.

The blueprints were silent as always, but he would make them talk.

Kill the Lights (Dog and Fox Senticousins WIP)

3. Yesterday

“So are we going in or what?”

Emmy walked up the door with tense shoulders and fiery eyes — as if she was trying to intimidate the handle.

It did not move an inch.

“There’s a puzzle on the lock,” she growled. “Something about a watch that’s lost its markings.”

“That’s… peculiar.”

“In the world we live in?” Flora chimed in, very rightly so. “I’d be more surprised if there wasn’t some kind of riddle for us to solve!”

“Not that.” Clive rested his chin in his palm, scanning his surroundings with journalistic precision. “Why would the owners close down in the middle of the afternoon, on a week day? I don’t even see a sign.”

“It’s an antique clockshop in a deserted part of town,” Emmy groaned, squinting at the instructions with resigned diligence. “It’s probably abandoned.”

“No chance. The paint is pristine — I could almost believe it opened yesterday.”

Flora scratched her head, rebellious strands escaping from her carefully tied ribbon.

“Maybe they just really like puzzles.”

The Lucky Ones (Professor Layton role reversal WIP)

Thank you for the tag, Sunny! ☀️

@dragongutsixofficial, @paracosmicat and anyone who might be tempted: your words are time, embrace and sibling. If you can’t find these, how about ocean, sun and myth?

[bees-tornado]

3, 5, 18 for the Fire Emblem asks?

*cracks knuckles* only a couple weeks late (edit: longer than a couple weeks I REPEAT LONGER THAN A COUPLE WEEKS) let’s do this

3. Any criticisms about your favorite game, or anything you would change?

Hmmm let me see… it’s been a while since I last played fe3h so there’s probably a few gripes I’ve forgotten about, but here’s some off the top of my head:

I’m probably the thousandth person to make this criticism, and I won’t go on about it as long as I could, but the dissonance between “haha look at funny girl she scream and cry and run away” and “yeah hi im actually this way because I was Horribly Abused” in Bernadetta’s supports makes the former hard to watch sometimes. Often times I’m just kind of sad and uncomfortable for her when the game is clearly trying to be funny. There's some nuance here of course, and I could go into more detail on a good day, but I've been sitting on this paragraph for *checks notes* nearly 2 months so. Good enough.

Considering that you're meant to replay significant portions of the game multiple times between all the routes, I really wish there was just a tiny bit more variety in the map designs and objectives. Cindered Shadows some gets credit for addressing this (A Harrowing Escape my beloved/beloathed).

5. Which titles have you played?

I got into the series through Awakening, and since then I’ve played Three Houses, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn, Sacred Stones (got close to the end but never finished oops), and Shadow Dragon (only played the first map so it barely counts)! I've played both Warriors games too, if that counts, and I've been playing Heroes since launch. And we can't forget about my favorite Fire Emblem game, Super Smash Bros.

18. Do you have any special stories related to the series?

It's not much of a story, but during my most recent Awakening Hard Mode run, I decided to use Donnel (who I had never properly invested in before this playthrough) and promote him to Hero. By Chapter 11 he was already basically my champion, but he officially cemented himself in that role when he got a perfectly-timed crit and finished off Gangrel with a triumphant YEEEEHAW

Thank you for the ask, sorry it took so long to answer!! I put it off, then I forgot, then I tried to answer the whole thing at once and got stuck because I couldn't write a paragraph the way I wanted to, then I forgot again, then I figured I'd wait to answer because your blog was on strike, then I uhhh forgot a third time, and now we're here!

The ask game in question

[nerdnag]

meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

I'm like three weeks late to answering the asks I got for this ask game, but my ADHD group taught me I should be self-kind so: better late than never 🥰

(For anyone who doesn't know and is still interested in reading this ask for some inexplicable reason, Eifie's Meow Meow is Barok van Zieks from TGAA)

First impression

I'm not entirely sure but probably something along the lines of "why he gotta look so mad" and "is this edgeworth's forefather???"

• Impression now

Pathetic wet little kittycat that is nevertheless very lovable. My friend's ultimate little meow meow. A sort of big lump of oaf that doesn't have a very good hold of his emotions. Very hallowed. SO HARD TO DRAW OMG

• Favorite moment

Waaaah it's been a little too long since I last played the games (... last summer) but I like when he starts going along with Ryu's unconventional methods. I don't remember a specific moment. I'll have to revisit this question next time I play it through....

For now let's say my fave moment is the same as yours (is that stealing??? it's good though), i.e. the accused for murder leg slam

• Idea for a story

Disregarding the "Meow Meow writes wine fanfiction" (because that's probably more your idea than mine anyway), I guess I could always mention my plans for how to include him in Made of Magic i.e. my latest Fe3h fic 🤭 for you

• Unpopular opinion

I literally do not know what is the popular opinion and I do not know whether my opinions are popular or unpopular. Also this question gives me anxiety. But umm. I guess an unpopular opinion I have about Meow Meow is that he is horrible to draw for some reason I really hate drawing him (probably because of how his hair is styled and all the little details of his clothes). Yet I've drawn him so many times for you anyway so please take that as the highest compliment 🥰

• Favorite relationship

KAZUMA WITHOUT A DOUBT they are just a dream team. Again I don't remember if they are so in canon but in the fics I've read (and especially yours Eifie) their relationship is sooo 😣😖😫🤯

• Favorite headcanon

In my head I think Meow Meow is autistic, and although he slays at sarcasm, he is not very good at understanding social cues and probably draws the wrong conclusions from social interactions all the time. He also thinks that tumblr tags should be capitalized

(send me a character)

[creylune]

after 3-4 years of not playing i redownloaded fe heroes after i saw the christmas dimitri design... on the plus side because i haven't played in so long, i have like 3 yrs' worth of paralogues to farm orbs from soooo guess who got dimitri 3 times ^___^

considering how last time i played "seriously" aka actually paid any attention to stats/strategy for building a unit was 2017-18 with ayra, and how 44 spd stat was considered godtier back then..... ummm yeah dimitri is so busted LMFAO 😭 i'm not going to play feh seriously or consistently again but it is satisfying seeing him oneshot entire enemy teams much like in fe3h... i think once i'm free from my job at the end of the month i might try drawing the christmas units (i just don't have time to do full illusts in any capacity rn).

he actually came home on my fourth summon attempt which was such a pleasant surprise!!!!! getting the second dimitri took a while though. and then i hit 40 summons and got him for free for #3. i can prob keep going to 80 by the end of the weekend honestly lol

but yeah like ummmmmmmm 🥰😍 that atk is so sexy with the bonuses/skill modifiers (and i still haven't maxed out his skills since i need to grind for sp, but no rush obv)

and then this was from grinding him at lvl 26 vs a lvl 40 enemy lol

honestly with the whirlwind of irl happenings/shit the past few months i've been taking a break from fandom, so i kind of forgot how much i missed chris hackney's dimitri voice acting and just... dimitri in general? his voice lines are so funny and charming i really do love dimitri still at the end of the day... the way he goes, "BLESSED NIGHT!" when you initiate a battle is so funny, dimitri is so weird/endearing.

i managed to pull the christmas byleths too

i wish the duo unit had more movement bc i really dread tank units but the christmas tree-esque outfits + the house head plushies that come out in the special attack art are soooooo cute. i wasn't particularly trying for byleth but managed to pull since a couple of my summons didn't have any green heroes to pick from, so it all works out!

usually when i get kind of into gacha nowadays (very rare, but prsk/hsr this year for like, 2 week durations lol) it's very easy for me to drop $15-20 (i don't go beyond that though) but i'm pretty chuffed i got these just by grinding... the banner's up for like another month anyways so i can just take my time going through the paralogues and farming orbs for more dimitris to pass the time lol

[beyondthetower]

"People you'd like to know better" tag game!

My lovely friend @sun-marie tagged me and I love games yay!

three ships: 

(Yes these are all the same game. I know I've shipped plenty of things in the past but none of it feels like it hit quite as hard as this stupid game)

Felix/Annette (FE3H): These two are genuinely changed my brain chemistry. It was the ship that brought me into the FE3H fandom, it was the ship that got me writing fan fiction again. It was the ship that gave me so many wonderful mutuals in this space and I love them for it! They are the perfect grump/sunshine ship, but they also have so much genuine connection that I feel like they were just written for each other. I love Annette bringing out the softness in Felix, and I love Felix being so head over heels for Annette that he has no idea what it is or how to deal with it.

Sylvain/Ingrid (FE3H): My perfect angsty pair 💕 This one fell into place so naturally for me that I genuinely can't see either of them with anyone else. And I've tried because there are fun options! I know there's a lot of baggage there, but I genuinely feel like Sylvain has just been in love with Ingrid for his entire life even when she was engaged. And I also have a lot of feelings about that but I'd be rambling. But what can I say! I am a sucker for childhood friends to lovers! I'm a sucker for Sylvain wanting to be a better person and feeling guilty about what he put her through cleaning up after his shit! I'm a sucker for him being a bumbling idiot around people he's crushing on!

Ashe/Marianne (FE3H): Two fairytale princesses that deserve their happy ending✨ I think I've said it before, but I started shipping these two by accident when I was writing a set of one-shots. I needed someone to pair with Ashe and no one had really jumped out at me my first playthrough. When I looked up a list of his supports I was like "oh I like Marianne, maybe that would be cute". And now here we are: five chapters into a love-letter to their gentle, loving relationship that has spiraled into a character study on Ashe with plans for a sequel that will go further into Marianne's backstory. Someone help 🙃

last film :

I weirdly haven't watched a single movie in over a year, but last week I got a sudden urge and watched three. The last one was Pride & Prejudice (2005). Like a true fan-fiction obsessed girly. It was great.

currently watching :

Sims 4 youtube videos. More specifically a Plumbella video where she plays only the highest rated packs. If there's one thing about me it's that I love watching other people play video games ✌️

currently reading :

"25 Icelandic Ghost Stories" by Jón R. Hjálmarsson. My friend brought it back for me from her trip there. I love ghost stories! And anything folklore related.

currently consuming :

Honestly....nothing 😳 I've been in a lull lately where I'm not playing anything, not really writing much and not watching anything of note.

currently craving :

Harvest Moon Tree of Tranquility - For the last year all I've wanted in the whole world is to play it again. My Wii hasn't worked in years so that's out but I WANT TO PLAY IT SO BADLY.

Also I want a donut from a very specific bakery near me.

I shall tag @pathetic-gamer and @sevarix-blogs if you are at all interested in playing too :)

[pepsiiwho]

Thank u for rb-ing the ask game. Here are 5000 asks: ♥️, 🎁 , 👓, 💕, 🍬, and 💌. These are just for you to keep: 💖💓💓♥️💞💕💘💞💘💗❤️💘💘♥️💖💓💖❤️💖💞💓💞💖💗

So many things here should I even answer this in one big thing....

This one is getting it's own post I have too much to say for it but the short answer is "[sound here] sounded like rocks hitting a wall" if you actually read my work you should know this one it's my calling card at this point.

It gets long after this sorry guys

2. This one isn't anything you'd like, a shame I just sent it to you but here's a little piece of the most recent WIP I have as of (checks watch) 3 hours ago. BG3 WIP Title pending.

The woman walks out with her tail between her legs, literally, and Alabaster watches the door close soundlessly behind her as if commanded. The silence between them sits for a moment a second or two before Alabaster speaks. “She's pretty. You might have a type though.”  “What are you doing here?” She didn’t think a sleep-ruffled Astarion would be the one she’d be interacting with when she decided to pay a visit today, but the sight is pleasing all the same. His hair is as white as it’s ever been, only a touch longer. She isn’t sure if actual vampires are capable of being surprised (something something the alertness of darkness or something) but the expression on Asraion’s face was what she would coin as ‘your lover coming home to see you with your mistress' . “You missed me?” He asks. It doesn’t come out like a question, as breathy as it sounds.  “I missed you” She responds. She rolls her shoulders, getting ready for the dance that is talking to Astarion. “I also need your help.”  “You came back because you need me?” There's a sharp smile slowly making it’s way onto his face, laughlines bending to build the expression. He’s sitting up, moving to reach her height. She nods, pulling at the tightly wound strings in his chest, plucking absently.  “I need you.” She responds. Talking to him feels like playing an instrument you haven't touched in a long time, slowly allowing muscle memory to take over so the music can once again be moved by your masterful hands. He smiles full now, as if realizing something she doesn’t know, and she’s reminded that you never really forget how to tune an instrument.

3. What helps me focus when I write... booty shaking music for throwing ass OR hating whatever is happening around me. no in-between.

4. This is a really hard question because if we mean like, emotionally? I could cop out and give a three way tie between Complimentary Soap (it isn't good I'm just nostalgic), Nintendo Direct (Circa June 2021) (it is good and I'm nostalgic) and Like A Brick In The Wall (good and new but god it's chaptered.) But, right now I'm gonna say my most recent fic I posted Going Home; All Over Again. I really love it even tho no one will ever read it (save you). The curse of rare pairs.

5. Okay another long one let's go. I'm only counting things with multiple pics posted...

HADES -

I Missed You Terribly And Like A Dream— You Appeared, Smiling At Me, Just So

Most of my stuff from here isn't good anymore, and while there's another that's more self indulgent and scratches the itch inside my body that aches dully for more Hypnos content at all times, this one reads the best rn. So it win.

HAIKYUU-

Tequilas, Margaritas and Seawater

everything in this fandom is old and arguably bad so nostalgia points carry weight here. This. one was a gift and idk why but it reads amazingly. holds up still

FE3H -

Like A Brick In The Wall

All fe fics are the DEVIL because of any in this list I CARE about these the most no competition. Anyway. This fic didn't win the previous bracket of my fav fic ever but it is my fav in the tag. Don't ask me to explain. I'm sorry.

CSM -

I Squint Out My Peripheral, Peaking Through My Fingers To See You

I don't work here man... I hate this goddamn pic its so good.

DRV3-

Nintendo Direct (Circa June 2021)

She's gonna do it every time... V3 hospital au I lOVE you.

(Listing out my written fandoms like this is the saddest thing ever my GOD I'm cringey)

6. I feel like the tropes I love most I never write myself... it's honestly kinda fandom specific but across the board...? Royalty au. not regency but kinda. A little to the left.